November 2010

A reader writes:

Long story short, my ex-boss was my best friend for ten years but we couldn’t work together. He fired me from the small delivery company we both worked at in May. In July, he sent a text message to my husband saying “If you want to divorce her, I can give you dates and times of the men.” He got this phone number from my personnel file.

I emailed him and another boss and told him getting into my personnel file was illegal, especially 2 months after I was terminated. He has a hot temper. THEN two more calls to my husband’s phone and three to our house. Can he legally do this?

This is a 15-person company with no HR. He does payroll and hiring through a company. Is there any legal recourse for his actions? I have documented proof from the cell phone and home phone company. Can he legally contact my husband at a phone number which was never given to him but he got out of my personnel file? Two months after I was fired?

I don’t usually publish letters just to say “I don’t know” but … I don’t know.  My hunch is that he probably didn’t violate any employment law, although he did violate the law of Don’t Be an Enormous Ass. But I’m not a lawyer and it’s entirely possible that there are legal ramifications here. It’s also possible that he’s violating harassment laws, or that you have an actionable invasion of privacy claim, totally separate from employment laws.

If you want to pursue this, I’d recommend speaking with a lawyer immediately.

Any lawyers want to weigh in?

{ 31 comments }

A reader writes:

I recently posted my resume to a job board and got a response soon after. The employer (a news director) emailed and asked me to call him, which I did. On the phone he talked about the position and had me complete a quick script writing test, which I emailed back. After submitting it I didn’t hear anything from him, and a week later I emailed to ask for an update on the hiring process. He wrote back that they were still looking at candidates and he would contact me if he still needed anything else.

Should I still continue to ask for updates? Yesterday would have marked a week since the first request for an update. I’m trying to use restraint and not contact him again about it until next Wednesday or Thursday. Overall I don’t want to appear pushy, but still very much interested.

The thing to do here is not just to contact the employer asking for “an update.” That can feel like nagging if you do it more than once, and it’s also not as likely to give you particularly useful information.

Instead, you want to ask something more specific — their timeline for next steps. Say something like this:

“Would it be possible for you to give me a sense of your timeline for next steps?”

He will either (a) be vague or (b) give you a timeline for next steps.

If he’s vague, it’s either because (a) he really doesn’t know or (b) he doesn’t consider you a top candidate at this point but also not an obvious rejection, so he’s waiting to see how the rest of the candidate pool takes form.

If he does give you a timeline for next steps, then you reiterate your interest and then sit tight and wait. If that timeline passes without word from him, then you follow up and say something like this: “I’m really excited about this position and wanted to check in on your timeline.” If you want, you can add something like, “If you think I’m a promising candidate, I’d be glad to make myself available for an interview at your convenience.”

Also, read this post on employer time versus candidate time and do your best to adjust your time zone.

{ 9 comments }

A reader writes:

I’m an associate at a mid-sized law firm (approximately 40 employees in three states), and I’ve worked here a little over a year. I love the job, and enjoy most of my co-workers, except for the handful of very conservative, religious ones (as you’ll see in the next paragraph, this isn’t just liberal vitriol). People don’t talk much about their personal lives, but all make casual references to spouses, fiancees and weekend plans occasionally.

My question is about the appropriate level of personal disclosure. I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years, but everyone at work thinks I’m single and straight, and neither is true. I’m getting tired of lying, but don’t want to deal with the reactions of my conservative colleagues who could also influence my performance reviews and possible bonuses. Do you have any suggestions, or at least a sense of how long it’s appropriate to keep things to myself? I’m closest to the managing partner, who is wonderful to work with but is very socially conservative as well.

If the question is about what level of personal disclosure is appropriate at work, the answer is that casual references to your girlfriend’s existence and activities you did together over the weekend or upcoming plans you have together are all appropriate, just like they are for your coworkers and their own significant others.

But this question is really about coming out at work in an environment that you think might not be safe to do so in. So:

1. Do you want to work somewhere that might penalize you for something so fundamental to who you are and also so none of their business? I know that sounds like a loaded question, like of course you have to answer “no” to it, but it’s actually a genuine question. Different people weigh different things differently, and it’s legitimate if your bottom line is that you want the job and the peace of mind of not worrying about bias. So to some extent, this is about knowing what’s most important to you.

2. However, in a broader sense of what’s good for the world, there’s a real advantage to your being out, in that you’ll be someone they know, like, and respect who they learn is gay. Bigotry becomes harder when the object of your bigotry is right there in front of you in likable form, and many a homophobe has been reformed by learning that a daughter, brother, or friend is gay.  Of course, you’re under no obligation to be a learning opportunity for the bigots of the world, but it’s something to think about.

3. Last, I wonder if you know for sure that these conservative, religious coworkers are also homophobes, because there are certainly plenty of conservative, religious people who are not. So if you don’t actually know that and are just guessing based on their politics, you might be pleasantly surprised if you give them the benefit of the doubt. Or, of course, you might not.

Any advice out there from others who have dealt with this?

{ 33 comments }

A reader writes:

I support a team of professionals and one of them has what I call “personal space issues.” He stands uncomfortably close to me, causing me to move away and when we pass each other in the hallway or common areas, he walks right towards me, forcing me to maneuver around him or go another way so that I do not have to touch him. (He also stares at me when ever he passes my desk). He is the type of man that makes your skin crawl.

Recently we collided in the hall. (And these are very wide halls.) He caught me completely off guard so I couldn’t get out of his way fast enough. I saw him coming toward me out of the corner of my eye and at the last second was able to turn enough that he clipped me sideways but is was a hard enough that I was knocked several steps back. I was completely shocked and said “WHAT THE HELL?” He kept right on going.

Fortunately another professional saw the whole thing and asked in rhetorical disbelief if he had really just run into me. She was as irritated as I was. She said his behavior is a “power thing” (machismo) and indeed I would liken it to the bully who walks down the middle of the hall shoving kids into the lockers.

I reported this to his supervisor, who advised me to talk to him and if he does anything else, to let the supervisor know. The next day I did talk to him, or tried to. At first adamantly denied it, but when I pointed out that it was witnessed, then insisted that he said “Excuse me.” I tried to address all the other near misses but he just kept talking over me saying in an increasingly hostile tone of voice, “I said excuse me.” I looked him straight in the eye and told him in no uncertain terms, “Do not touch me again” and left.

I emailed his supervisor letting him know that I followed his direction and the outcome. Later I did get an emailed apology from the bully but he also said he did not appreciate the way I talked to him.

A few days later, he nearly ran over me again, but this time stopped, blocked my way and condescendingly grilled me to “make sure I was okay” with a sneer on his face.

Two more important things: He is personal friends with his supervisor and our “HR department” consists of one woman who doesn’t want to hear any “drama.” She is also my supervisor and an owner of the company.

I am a very small, not-so-young woman. This man is younger and over 6 feet tall. Do I need to tell you that I am extremely uncomfortable going to work now? What would you suggest in a situation like this?

There is no possible way that this is okay. He’s physically intimidating you, and became more intimidating after you complained. This isn’t just a bullying issue (although that would be bad enough); it’s also potentially a physical safety issue — and your management is insane if they don’t see it that way after hearing what you laid out here.

Return to his supervisor — who, don’t forget, specifically asked you to keep him updated. Let him know that after the “apology,” this guy physically blocked your way in the hallway, berated you condescendingly about whether you were okay, and generally had a hostile and threatening demeanor. Say these words: “I now feel targeted by ___ and he is making me feel uncomfortable about my own safety.”

You also really, really should talk to your own manager, explain what’s happened, state that he’s making you feel physically uncomfortable and threatened, and insist it be handled. She may not like hearing about “drama,” but I doubt this is the type of thing she was referring to when she said that. Any boss who wouldn’t want to know that this was going on doesn’t deserve the job … particularly a boss who happens to work in HR, which means she should be very aware of the company’s obligations in a situation like this.

Really, don’t mess around with this. Go talk to both bosses.

You tried handling it directly with the guy and he’s now forced your hand. You are not the problem here, and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel you are.

{ 37 comments }

Once again, it’s short answer Saturday — six short answers to six short questions. I also want to note that I’m indebted to Evil HR Lady for her “short response” columns, which pre-date these short answer Saturdays by many months.

Here we go…

I was recently contacted by an external recruiter with a position very similar to the position I am currently in. It would be an increase in pay, but a downgrade in title. In the industry that I currently am in, I would prefer to work for one of the top tier companies because reputation does 80% of the marketing in my industry. I am currently with a highly ranked company with a bad management structure and so I am looking to leave soon. I understand that they don’t want to reveal the company, but it definitely impacts my decision to pursue this position. Is it typical to not reveal the company? Can you think of any ways around knowing the company to make a decision?

It’s not unheard of for a recruiter not to reveal the company at the early stages of contact, but under no circumstances would I expect that secrecy to continue all the way through to an offer. You can’t possibly make a good decision about whether to accept an offer (or even interview really well, for that matter) without knowing who you’d be working for. Ask the recruiter at what stage she expects to reveal who the employer is.

I have been in face-to-face sales all my life. Last year I changed companies and started a position in telesales. Honestly, I haven’t been doing well. It is just not the right position for me. All our calls are monitored and I have had some unflattering criticism. Today my boss told me I was too nice to clients and basically my voice was too high-pitched and I would never be taken seriously. Although I am offended, I also don’t know how to change my tone. I have always been taught to talk with a smile and my sales voice is different than my regular voice. Any suggestions?

It’s possible your boss is off-base, but it’s also possible that she’s on to something and it just didn’t get delivered very diplomatically. I’d think the best thing you can do is to put your hurt feelings aside (admittedly hard), go back to your boss, and ask if her feedback was about your voice in general or about a tone that only comes out sometimes. There are definitely people — some women, in particular — who sometimes use a tone or voice that makes them sound much younger than they are. (I once worked with a woman who, I swear to God, talked in baby talk sometimes. I don’t think she realized she was doing it — it must have sounded like something else in her head — and when her manager finally talked to her about it, I hope she considered it a favor, although I imagine it was an awkward conversation.) Get more information. There really might be something that you’d get better results by tweaking — and if not, well, more information is never a bad thing.

By the way, you’re also looking elsewhere since you feel this is a bad fit for you, right?

It’s been about a year since I wrote to you about negotiating salary for a job offer from a nonprofit. The salary negotiation did not work, and neither did asking for alternative compensation, but I accepted the job because that was always my intention. Now, a year later, it is time for my first formal performance review at this nonprofit, and I need your advice about what I can and cannot ask for. I have had performance reviews at for-profit jobs and negotiated perks and salary successfully, but I do not know what I can ask for from a nonprofit. I have had positive feedback for my entire first year on the job, so I expect this formal review to be similar feedback. Is it even customary to negotiate anything at a nonprofit? The one I work for has a multimillion-dollar budget and about 50 employees, if you find that relevant information.

Absolutely you can negotiate, no differently than at a for-profit. Nonprofits have a wide range of practices regarding raises, bonuses, and other forms of compensation, and a similarly wide range of what they do and don’t put resources toward, but — assuming that you’re not dealing with layoffs or other financial crises — no one is going to look askance at you for asking about a salary increase after a year. You’ve been there a year, you’ve had great feedback, and now it’s time to ask for a raise. Good luck!

How long can my cover letter really be? I’ve heard one page, I’ve heard a page and a half to two, max, etc, etc, etc. I’m a recent graduate, just earned my J.D., and I’ve worked through college and law school. I’ve learned to cut out jobs that aren’t relevant or that are relatively old. Obviously I’m not putting my receptionist job from freshman year on my cover letter. But I have had enough legitimate experience that I’m comfortable writing a page and a half cover letter. Does this sound too long??

I’m a fan of one-page cover letters. I’m skeptical that you can’t say what needs to be said in a page. That said, unless there are application instructions to the contrary, I’m not going to reject an applicant because they wrote a page and a half — or two, for that matter, although when I see two, I’m going to think, “This is oddly long.”

But more importantly: The amount of experience you have has nothing to do with the length of your cover letter … because you should not be using the cover letter to summarize what’s on your resume. You should be using it to talk about what’s not on your resume, like why you want that job and what would make you good at it. And you’d ideally be able to do that in one page.

I currently work for an AmeriCorps program – a year-long service program, where members get contracted out to different nonprofit agencies. Americorps pays my minimal salary, though I spend my days at the nonprofit office and do all my work there. A position just opened up at my office for a program assistant – basically the same job I am doing right now, with a little bit more responsibility. I feel like I would really like to apply for the position, since it is basically the same amount of work with an incredible (I’m talking over $10k) increase in salary, health insurance, etc. However, I am committed to the Americorps program (I am free to quit at any time) but if I were to quit, there would be no one to take over my duties, and they can’t hire someone else since the year has already started. I feel like I could combine the program assistant tasks with my Americorps tasks.  Should I apply for the position? How would it look to my boss if I am considering this position, effectively rendering my Americorps position empty until next year?

I don’t know enough about AmeriCorps to really give you a good answer to this (aside from thinking that commitments should be honored). Anyone out there with AmeriCorps experience want to advise on this one?

Is it normal to bring notes with you to an interview? I want to create a document, probably a single page, landscape listing job requirements and my qualifications and common questions and possible responses. How would you view this, as a hiring manager?

Consulting a bulleted list of points that you wanted to be sure to raise at some point in the conversation and/or having a prepared list of questions is fine (the latter is great, in fact). But I wouldn’t recommend consulting notes too extensively during the conversation, because you don’t want your answers to look overly rehearsed or less than genuine. A good interview is really a conversation, and your interviewer will expect you to be able to speak relatively extemporaneously, about, for instance, your strengths or your background.

I do think it’s helpful to write out like questions and your responses when you’re preparing for the interview, and you should give that a final look-over in the parking lot (or even bring it in and consult it during a bathroom break). But don’t bring it in with you. It’s going to come across oddly if you’re consulting notes before answering things like “Why did you leave your last job?”

{ 8 comments }

Your salary does not belong on your resume.

Periodically I receive a resume that lists the salary for each position, alongside title and dates of employment.

Don’t do this.

{ 11 comments }

A reader writes:

OK, is it just me or is this crazy-making? I found a job listing via a national job bank specific to my field. I’m interested, but…it’s unclear to me if this position is based in their East Coast office, or if, since it’s a “Field Organizer,” it is based elsewhere. I’m only interested in doing the work of applying for the job if I don’t have to relocate. And it is work–they’re asking for a cover letter, resume, writing sample (3 pages maximum) and contact information for three references from your most recent employment and/or education.

(Would these 3 references need to include someone from where I work now? Because obviously that would be awkward at best, potentially harmful to me at worst if the word got back to my boss…)

I looked online at their existing staff and unfortunately that did not provide me with any additional clues. I can’t even ask them the question of where the job is located, because they say in their instructions, “NOTE: We are only accepting applications by email. Please do not make any inquiries about the position or the status of your application. Because of the volume of applicants we anticipate, we cannot respond individually to each application. We will contact those applicants that are of interest to the Search Committee directly.” Do you have any recommendations for how to deal with this?

Ugh. Your options are:

1. Just suck it up and apply, and then ask the question about location if they contact you. But I completely agree with you that it’s ridiculous that you should have to go through the work of doing this just because they left crucial information out of their job post

2. Call and ask, despite their instructions. This is such a reasonable question to have that any employer who held against you would be being ridiculous. (And I’m fairly sure they weren’t envisioning this kind of question when they wrote that anyway; they were thinking about “tell me more about the job” calls and “what’s the status of my application” calls.) I would call and say, “I realize you requested no calls, but the job posting doesn’t indicate where the job is based.”  Someone will tell you. If you’re worried about it being held against you, don’t give a name. Or at least don’t give your name.

3. Check on LinkedIn to see if you have any contacts in your network who work at or used to work at this organization. If you do, see if they can find out for you.

I would do 2 or 3, personally. I’d probably just do 2, actually, because it’s faster and I’d be irritated that they were making me expend energy on anything else.

Now, on the references, I am a huge proponent of not providing references until you’re close to the offer stage, to prevent reference fatigue. Requiring them at this stage is BS — first of all, no one sane checks references until they’re seriously considering making an offer … although as the candidate, you can’t be confident that they won’t), and so therefore it’s not smart to ask you to share these when you haven’t had any contact at all with the company and don’t even know if you’d be interested in the job (which is always the case, not just because of this particular location question).

I would be tempted to include a note saying, “Out of respect for my references’ time, I prefer they not be contacted before we’ve had a chance to determine mutual interest, but I’d be happy to provide numerous references at that stage.” … But of course that lands you squarely in the middle of where so many job-seekers end up these days — wanting to assert a perfectly reasonable prerogative, but realizing that doing so may get you rejected. It’s infuriating.

But under no circumstances should you provide references from your current employer at this stage. You may at some point decide to allow your current employer to be contacted (at the very end stages of this process, or if an offer is extended contingent on that reference), but now? Before you even know you’re interested, or that they’re interested? Absolutely not. Use ones from your previous job, with a note explaining that you’re currently employed and your job search is still a below-the-radar one.

And really, if anyone reading this is engaging in these practices on the employer side, cut it out. And even if you’re not involved in hiring at your company, if they operate this way, say something about it. Maybe all Ask a Manager readers can vow to investigate hiring practices wherever they work and speak out against this crap.

{ 8 comments }

A reader writes:

I am very talented in my creativity and thinking ability. I have a lot of ideas I would like to pass around a marketing firm or ideally to direct companies. I have no idea where to start. I also have started a small business and it’s profitable within the first year, but it is not what I want to do. I rather be somewhat of a consultant or an ideas man. I truly believe I have great potential in this area, but I am in my final year of college and I do not know where to start or even where to look. I have applied to many positions on craigslist, monster, and various other job sites, but I feel as if no one is understanding what I am capable of.

I know if a company or a few people were to see my vision they will agree that they are multi million dollar ideas. So again, how do I go about finding a position and how do I tell them my ideas without having them run off with them?

Oh.

Hmmmm.

I’m pausing because I’m contemplating how to say this.

It is very, very unlikely that someone is going to hire you right out school to be their ideas man. Not impossible, but highly unlikely. And it’s definitely not going to happen from Craigslist or Monster. There are very few entry-level jobs for “ideas guy.” Hell, there are very few senior level jobs for “ideas guy.”

Generally getting that kind of work requires getting more experience first — experience in how to implement and execute and make things happen.

It also requires highly unusual talent. And while it’s entirely possible that your ideas are great, there’s also a very good chance that your ideas are kind of terrible. Or that they’re mediocre, or that there’s some reason they wouldn’t work, or that they’ve been thought of and rejected in favor of something else. It is very, very hard to judge this accurately yourself.

I can tell you this though, even though it’s making me wince to have to say it:  In my experience, people who really have this kind of exceptional talent are talented enough that they’re finding a pathway to make it happen. It’s fairly rare that they’re looking to Craigslist and Monster to make it happen for them. And because of that, I’d put money on you needing more seasoning time, and on the likelihood that you’re coming across as naive to these companies.

Related: boss won’t let me come up with new ideas

{ 44 comments }

I’m doing a webinar over here soon, because I love webinars and am sort of becoming obsessed with them. It’s going to be either free or very low-cost. You’re going to be able to win things. Things from Apple. But the question is, what do you want the topic to be?

{ 26 comments }

A reader writes:

I’m preparing for my January yearly evaluation with my boss… and I’m already worrying about some issues I want to bring up. Our department is small with only four positions. The budget person in our office is rather controlling and has made my life difficult these past few months in particular.

My boss is kind but this work colleague (she’s a peer, not a supervisor, and I’ll call her X) does sway her decisions quite a bit since they have worked together the past 10 years.

One of the worst things that has happened these past few months concerns my purchasing duties in the office. I was approached by my boss for a meeting to take away these duties due to X’s concerns. I was not doing the purchasing incorrectly, but X did not like my filing system (which I was never approached about). Since X was going through a death in the family at the time, my boss asked me to just let X take control of those duties instead of fighting her on this.

It’s just gotten worse since then, over the most minute of issues. Just last week, X threw a fit when I left for lunch and only confirmed it with the front desk person and not with her. X threw the fit in front of my boss, and now we have assigned lunch times.

I’ve been at this office over three years, and while I am looking for other jobs, the economy dictates that I’ll be here a bit longer. My question is… how do I bring up my issues with X appropriately during my evaluation? I know that my boss will ask me how I’m doing/feeling at the office… and even though I am uncomfortable speaking out against anyone (feels like tattle-telling for some reason), I would like an easier work environment and my job duties back.

You have assigned lunch times? Your office has bigger issues beyond X herself — you have a manager who gives in to the person who yells the loudest.

Okay, a few things. First, have you approached X yourself about this? It sounds like she’s continually getting the message that she can behave this way with impunity and no one will stand up to her. You don’t even need to take a particularly adversarial approach; you can just calmly express your own reasonable opinion in the face of her crazy one. For instance: “I didn’t let you know when I went to lunch because it would be highly unusual for me being away from the office for an hour to impact your ability to do your job. What are you seeing that I’m missing?” And also, “It seems to me that assigning lunch times is introducing a fairly high level of bureaucracy where none is needed. Let’s talk about the problem that needs to be addressed and figure out the most effective and direct way to fix it.” And, “Hey X, Beth told me that you have some concerns about my filing system. It’s actually been working really well, but tell me what you’re seeing that bothers you so I can figure out if we need to change something.”

Ideally, if you’re not already doing that, you’d start that before involving your boss. If I’m your boss and you tell me that you have a problem with how someone behaves toward you, the first thing I’m going to ask you is what you’ve tried in response. That doesn’t mean that I won’t intervene if you’ve done nothing and the situation is severe enough, but it does mean that I’m going to at a minimum wonder why you haven’t tried asserting yourself, and I might suggest that you try it before I step in. (That said, your boss in this situation is an obvious enabler of X’s bad behavior herself, so I’m not exempting her from blame here at all.)

In any case, you have a couple of options for how to raise this with your boss, depending on what kind of relationship you have with her:

1. You can be straightforward: “X is making it harder for me to do my job because she’s developed a pattern of loudly voicing her opinion about areas that don’t impact her own work, but do impact mine. And because she’s generally the most strident person on any issue that comes up, people seem to find it easier to give in to her. I don’t want to see us making decisions based on who yells the loudest, and I’m worried that we’re getting in a cycle of doing that.”

2. You can frame this as asking for your boss’s advice: “I want to have a good relationship with her but also preserve appropriate boundaries and ensure that we’re making decisions based on what will be most effective, not on who’s asserting themselves the most vigorously. Do you have any advice that will help?”

(This all assumes that you have a boss who is at least somewhat open to reason and who isn’t totally in X’s pocket.)

Also, you don’t have to wait for your evaluation in two months to bring this up. You can raise it in the same way the next time X throws a tantrum.

I’m also wondering about what other ways in which your boss’s willingness to take the easy way out might be playing out. Is this really the only one?

{ 7 comments }