One of the biggest determinants of your quality of life at work is the relationship you have with your boss. Your boss’s opinion of you matters enormously; it affects everything from what kind of work you’re assigned to whether you get a raise to whether you ultimately keep your job.
But people often miss signs that their boss just doesn’t think that highly of them, and then become confused or frustrated when they can’t get promoted or their ideas go nowhere or they’re not recognized for their work.
Of course, a good manager will address concerns head-on. But plenty of poor managers out there never bother to have direct conversations with their staff when they’re dissatisfied, so it’s important to pay attention to your boss’s cues.
Over at U.S. News & World Report today, I talk about 10 signs that your boss just isn’t that into you. Check it out here.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
So, where would you go from here? If your boss won’t give you feedback because they don’t dig you; how do you improve?
If your boss truly won’t give you feedback even if you ask directly, there might not be a lot you can do, but there are some tips in this post that might help:
http://www.askamanager.org/2011/03/how-can-i-get-critical-feedback.html
And also, if your boss isn’t going to be a feedback source, you might look around for other sources of feedback — peers, mentors, etc.
As an employee I would much rather have a boss who communicates clearly and directly when he/she is not happy and explains why in clear, umambiguous terms. And of course, doing it with time enough in advance so I am given a chance to improve. If given this type of feedback I will do my best to improve.
The type of boss communication styles I do not find useful at all:
- dropping hints and subtle inferences and expecting me to decipher and understand exactly what he or she means
- springing surprises about displeasure about your performance — you think you are doing well all year and suddenly come review time you get blindsided by a completely unexpected negative review
- communicating problems and preceived problems in overly positive terms in an attempt to spare my feelings. This does me a disservice because I will tend to say “phew it’s not a big deal after all” — when in fact it is
- a boss who speaks in code. By that I mean someone who doesn’t say what they mean directly and clearly but instead relies on communicating using subtle cues which I may or may not understand or have the proper cultural references to get what they mean
- a boss who acts as if they are doing you a big favor by providng direction. Isn’t providing direction part of the boss’s job?
- a boss who gets all huffy or offended when I ask for clarification, more detailed instructions or ask probing questions when I don’t understand something
“- springing surprises about displeasure about your performance — you think you are doing well all year and suddenly come review time you get blindsided by a completely unexpected negative review
- a boss who acts as if they are doing you a big favor by providng direction. Isn’t providing direction part of the boss’s job?
- a boss who gets all huffy or offended when I ask for clarification, more detailed instructions or ask probing questions when I don’t understand something”
This is my boss. To a T. Imagine my surprise when, just six months after I started in my current area, I was hit with all negative feedback! No one had given me the slightest clue, in all that time, that anything was wrong.
I’ve been looking for another job ever since.
I love the articles, you should have a category for them!
Thanks! You can actually see the full index of them here: http://www.usnews.com/topics/author/green_alison/usnews
That was great, thanks!
I totally agree, I think it makes all the difference in the world if you and your boss connect and have a mutual professional interest in one another. I have experienced the good, bad and the ugly and know that it impacted my performance everytime, in a good way with a good relationship and in a toxic way with a bad one. I also think its good to feel out the kind of manager you have and not to “force” a closeness if it doesn’t seem that they have taken interest in you. Much like dating, its good not to force some sort of connection that isn’t there and gravitate towards those that seem interested in you. Great read, thanks for posting! i’m a faithful reader, first time poster.
There is also the point where you and your boss don’t click personality-wise. I am living that right now. I do everything I’m supposed to do and get the blaise boss. My co-worker, who apparently has her own set of rules in which I know I and everyone else would get fired for at any company, gets the jovial boss (yes, same person). He doesn’t hide it – doesn’t even try. Now is that me? Could I have done something to have pissed him off? I don’t recall, but he hasn’t reprimanded me for anything.
I have a boss who’s hard to read, too. I have no work to do, and almost no interaction with him. For a while, I was thinking that he moved me into this job hoping that I would quit, but we’ve had 2 layoffs and I’m still here. As Yul Brynner said in The King and I, “it’s a puzzlement”. I just keep coming in and collecting my paycheck.
I’m the same Anonymous you replied to…
Puzzlement – good word. I try to prove myself everyday, but with some of the things AAM wrote about, he fits it to a T. But like I said, I haven’t been reprimanded for anything, and I attribute it to a personality clash. Therefore, I cringe when working with him on projects. I don’t know if I’m misreading him and don’t know what triggers the “jovial” boss, but I most certainly missed the memo. So instead, I go to work, do my work, and go home…oh and like you, get my paycheck.
Me, three.