Reading all the comments on the secret fantasy career post made me wonder about the things that make you happy at your job in real life. What do you love about your job, past or present? What things make you happy about your job that might surprise other people?
Nothing about the paycheck or benefits here. This is about the day-to-day mundanities that you derive joy from.
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A random assortment of stuff –
1. I loved reading all the comments about people’s secret fantasy careers — and especially seeing how drawn a lot of people are to careers that might look mundane to others. If you haven’t read them yet, do! It’s a fascinating read.
2. Speaking of things I enjoyed recently, I also really enjoyed the recent round of resume reviews that I did. It’s super satisfying to help people fix their resumes up, to the point that I’m contemplating making it a permanent offer. Maybe cover letters too. Stay tuned…
3. This is a great series of job-hunting advice for librarians, with much of it applicable to non-librarians, written by our occasional commenter Modern Hypatia. I especially loved the final piece in the series, on bits and pieces.
4 This is a very entertaining post by another commenter here, kristinyc, about how a rude and condescending recruiter did pretty much everything you can imagine to turn her off to the job that he was ostensibly recruiting her for.
5. This is a good article from the Harvard Business Review about how to deal with having multiple bosses.
6. Last, see if you spot anyone surprising on this page of “celebrity” INFJ’s. (That’s a Myers Briggs type, to those unfamiliar with the lingo.) I am using this as conclusive evidence that I am a celebrity on par with Plato, Thomas Jefferson, Leonard Cohen, and the others listed there, and I intend to begin behaving accordingly.
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A post I did on applying for a job in another state back in January 2009 continues to get frequent comments even now, two-and-a-half years later, so I figured it was worth addressing the topic again.
Over at U.S. News & World Report today, I talk about eight ways to increase your chances when you’re applying for a job out-of-state, including preparing yourself for the fact that it won’t be easy, whether or not to use a local address, addressing it on your resume and in your cover letter, and more.
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A reader writes:
I work in a large, windowless room with eight other people. Up until recently, we had wooden dividers that gave each employee a bit pf privacy, but allowed us to have each employee’s desk arranged so that it faced out to the fairly open common area.
A couple of months ago my supervisor insisted he wanted cubicles for our office instead of what we currently had, so he eventually found a way to convince upper level management to provide them from another office that had closed. They are attractive, but not all that functional. In addition to that, the problem everyone has with them is that instead of having each of our desks face out into the common work area, as they did before, each person now sits in the far back corner of the cubicle opposite the entrance, facing the corner two walls! It reminds me of when I was punished as a child and had to go sit in the corner. Of course, the boss has a large office with windows, and he is clueless about the impact on staff morale this is having on all of us.
On top of this, I am an adult survivor of childhood abuse, and as a result, I have issues with mild claustrophobia. I have been on my current job for over 2-1/2 years with no problem, until now, and did not see it as an issue until recently. After the cubicles were installed, I set up my work area so that my computer faces the side instead of the back, so I can see out of the cubicle into the open area. When he saw it, my supervisor immediately ordered me to move my computer back to the corner. I was subsequently forced to disclose my problem with claustrophobia (without telling him the cause) and asked for the concession of having my computer on the side instead of the back (a distance of three whole feet). Instead of being understanding, he sent my request to his boss, who sent it to her boss, who called me out of the blue about it! I admitted my problem, and the background it came from, and asked for the concession. This person demanded the name and phone number of my therapist! I told him (truthfully) it was 15 years ago and I have no idea where she is now. He next asked me a bunch of questions about the extent of my claustrophobia and demanded that I go to my personal physician – who is NOT a therapist – and get a doctor’s excuse for my claustrophobia.
I feel like this is an invasion of my privacy and, frankly, none of their business. It’s not like I asked for an office with a window for heaven’s sakes! I just asked to move my computer three feet.
My question is: Can they demand an excuse from my doctor? This would involve me having to disclose the claustrophobia to yet another person – my doctor, plus having to take my leave time and pay a pricy insurance co-pay for something I don’t think I should have to do. What do you recommend?
Can they, legally, demand proof of your need for an accommodation? Yes. Should they? Of course not.
Similar to the recent question about an employer monitoring an employee’s bathroom breaks, this reeks of a company that puts a dysfunctional need for control above results. And apparently it’s not just your manager who has this problem, as evidenced by the fact that your manager didn’t just handle your request himself but instead felt he needed to check with his boss, who in turn felt she needed to check with her own boss, who in turn felt this was precisely the sort of thing worth spending his own time on. Seating arrangements.
And the fact that a manager three levels above you thought that it was appropriate to ask for the name and phone number of your therapist (and as if a therapist would be willing to answer his questions about you!) speaks additional volumes about the severe boundary problems you’re facing.
Get the doctor’s note, and then start working on getting another job.
And if between this and the bathroom post, it seems like I’ve been too quick lately to recommend leaving over this type of thing, it’s because these are the sorts of things that are indicative of deeply-rooted, awful management … which won’t just impact your bathroom breaks or the direction you face when sitting at your desk — it’ll impact you in all kinds of ways while you work there, big and small. And you cannot change that on your own, particularly in a case like this, where it’s not just one terrible manager but at least three levels of management above you. The only long-term solution is to go work somewhere that understands what a manager’s job is and how to do it.
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It’s once again short answer Saturday: nine short answers to nine short questions. This week, we’ve got a recent grad who wants to wear her resume on a t-shirt to get attention, a coworker who walks away mid-conversation, and more.
Should I wear my resume on a t-shirt?
I’m a recent college graduate and have been actively job hunting for about 6 months. As the number of resumes I’ve sent out approaches 300, I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong and how I can stand out among the hundreds of other applicants I’m competing with. After Googling “creative ways to get hired,” I came across the idea of wearing a t-shirt with my resume on it. My dream job is to do PR in the racing industry. I’m attending two races in the coming months and I am contemplating doing this in order to get the attention of some race teams and potential hiring managers. Would you recommend wearing a resume t-shirt or does it come across as too desperate?
Really, really desperate.
That said, I’m not going to tell you that no one has gotten a job through gimmicks like that. Occasionally someone does. Just not the vast majority of the time.
But really, if you want to stand out, write a really great cover letter and have an awesome resume. And read this and this and this.
Can’t remember old manager’s name
I am applying for a new position via internet and it is asking for my previous supervisor. However, for the life of me, I cannot remember his last name and from what I understand he does not even work there anymore. I am wondering if it is ok just to put his first name or if I should call my former employer and ask them? Also can I leave it blank?
Don’t leave it blank; while it’s unlikely that you’d be rejected over that, you don’t want to give them any reason to discard your application. Take two minutes to call your old employer and ask for the guy’s last name.
My former boss was on my interviewing panel
Yesterday, I interviewed for a position very similar to my last job but on a manager level. Imagine my surprise when I walked into the lobby and saw my previous boss — he was sitting on the interview panel as an outside expert! Not only that, I used him as a reference for the job! He said that the other interviewers both knew and that they were ok with it. He and I have a good relationship and the interview went well. In several of their questions, I mentioned my previous position and my old boss would chime in to expound or corroborate what I had said. I am curious if this is a positive or negative thing for me as a candidate. How can the panel be really be objective when he knows me? Will the other interviewers feel like I got preferential treatment?
It’s a positive, believe me. Having someone who not only knows your work but used to manage you having a voice in the hiring process is a huge bonus (assuming he liked your work, which it sounds like he did).
Sending ideas after being rejected
I am waiting to hear if I got a job offer. I was inspired by this position more so than any other and even post-interview, I’ve been researching and listing ideas that would help expand their brand awareness. (I discussed some ideas during the interview as well but the more I think about the position, the more ideas come to me). I am optimistic about an offer but if they choose another candidate, would it be strange if I gracefully wished them well and send them my ideas anyway while letting them know that I’m disappointed I didn’t get the job but I was so inspired I continued to prepare in hopes of getting the offer? I want them to know this position would have been more than just a job for me and that I am serious about my work (the perk would also be that they question their final candidate choice).
There’s nothing gained by having them question their final choice, once an offer has been made and accepted. But there is potentially something to be gained by sending them those ideas now, before they’ve made their decision, when it can still have some influence (assuming the ideas and your presentation of them are strong).
Rude coworker walks away mid-conversation
I seem to be having an issue with a coworker. I’m not sure if it’s just an issue with my own perception, or if this is really a problem. Whenever we are having a conversation (regardless of whom generates it or what the topic is), this person seems to think that it’s okay to walk away in the middle of a conversation. Not in a “well, this conversation is over” or any manner thereof, but just in the middle of my piece of conversation, this person will simply walk away, with no notion of saying “excuse me” or “just a second.” I have been raised with the concept that that behavior is just plain rude. This person doesn’t seem to have ill feelings with anyone (myself included), but seems to feel that it’s okay to walk away from anyone they’re talking to. I’m not sure if this is something that should be addressed or not. I’m not the kind of person who likes or brings on drama in the workplace. There are a lot of things that I just “let go,” but if I’m in the middle of completing a task with this person and they decide walk away in the middle of it, I personally don’t think that’s acceptable. The person doesn’t come back either, they decide to lollygag elsewhere, so I’m not exactly sure if or how I should bring this up with this person.
How you respond to this really comes down to personal style, but honestly, if the conversation was work-related, I’d just call after the person, “Hey, can we finish up here?” And if it wasn’t work-related, I’d most likely say something like, “Ooooohhkay, I guess we’re done.” But then I think I’d stop having non-work-related conversations with this person anyway.
One question: Does she do it to others too, or just to you? If just to you, is there any chance that you’re a capital-T Talker — longwinded to the point that this person doesn’t know how else to escape the conversation? (Not that that excuses it but it’s worth considering.)
Why did they hire me this time but not the other times I applied?
I just recently switched jobs to one of the Big 4 accounting firms from a regional firm. I applied to this same accounting firm, I believe 3-4 times in the last year, and now finally am in. I don’t believe I’ve changed my approach or packet too much, aside from tweaking little aspects of it. I guess my question would be:
1) Does an internal recommendation help? (3 of my applications went through internal referral, 1 Director, 1 Staff, and my succeess was through a staff) and does level matter?
2) How come it took me multiple tries to get into the company that finally hired me? (I don’t know if you can answer this one, honestly I don’t think I changed much of my resume/cv packet.)
Yes, an internal recommendation helps, and the level of the person making it matters (although a strong recommendation from a lower-level person can be more valuable than a tepid recommendation from a higher-level person, depending on various factors). And it probably took multiple tries because in the other rounds, there happened to be candidates who were stronger than you. Remember, not getting a job doesn’t mean that you weren’t qualified — it just means that you weren’t the only person who was qualified.
Is it too soon to apply for an internal transfer?
I’ve been with my company for five months. A position has opened up within the company that I feel I am much better suited for, doing something that I would enjoy more, and where the supervisor is much nicer. As much as I’d love to apply, I am afraid my current supervisor will be mad to hear that I would leave after such a short time. Am I out of line to apply so soon?
Yes.
And there’s a good chance you’d be unsuccessful anyway, because (a) the other manager won’t have much confidence in your longevity if you’re leaving your current position so quickly, and (b) at many companies, managers in your current role need to approve an internal transfer before it can go through. The absolute most you could do is to tell the second manager that you’d love to work in that role “down the road, when I’ve been in my current position longer, since obviously I wouldn’t leave so soon after starting.” There’s a small chance that that could lead to a series of events that would land you in the role now, without you having reneged on your current commitment. (For instance, if this manager knows that your current manager wouldn’t be upset about losing you — not the greatest recommendation in and of itself, of course — and if she’s dying to have you for herself — also a big if — it’s possible she might orchestrate something behind the scenes.) But otherwise? No.
Should I thank the company owner for giving me a job?
I just received the best job I could have ever dreamed of (yes, I am serious). My question is, would it be wrong to thank the owner of the company for giving me this job? In the letter I feel I would want to convey that I am thanking him for this job, not because of any impact it may have in the future (I have nor will I ever be a brown-noser who is looking to suck his way to the top), but for what has already happened. I am new in the corporate world and I don’t want to seem cheesy or wrong but I am very appreciative of my new job. I did thank my immediate supervisor and he just blew it off and said whatever……we are happy to have you here. Any thoughts on this? I have just worked for other outfits and have never, ever been treated as well as I am here.
Don’t thank them for hiring you. Once you’ve been there for more than a few weeks, thank them for whatever it is that’s making you so thrilled to be there (aside from employment itself) — whether it’s the culture, or the generous retirement plan, or the general way they treat employees, or the work itself. Be specific. Most managers would love to hear something like that. But you don’t want to write them a thank-you note for hiring you, because you don’t want them to feel they did you a favor; this is a business arrangement, and they should hopefully feel that they’re benefitting from having you there as much as you’re benefitting from being there.
Political affiliation on a resume
Am I harming myself if my resume shows my political affiliation? Last year, I volunteered on a political campaign (part-time) for an entire year. I’d like to include my accomplishments in that position on my resume, but I’m not sure if I should actually name the campaign (which was the standard “CANDIDATE NAME 2010″) or just list it vaguely as “Congressional Campaign.” I don’t work in politics, so my first instinct is that it doesn’t matter. However, with the political climate being so heated recently, I’m wondering if I’m risking having my resume tossed because the hiring manager happens to vote differently than me. Thoughts?
Unless the campaign was for a particularly controversial/inflammatory politician, list it. Sure, some hiring managers might reject you for it, the same way they might reject you because they hate your school or your tie or the fact that you listed your hobbies as knitting and canoeing. But the majority won’t, and you can’t control for the ones who will, any more than you can control for any other random factor. (Plus, for every hiring manager who objects, an equal number will like it.) But if the politician is known for inspiring particularly heated dislike, go with the more generic listing.
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Do you have a secret career alter ego? A fantasy career that you’re wildly happy in somewhere out there in a parallel universe?
I have two: nurse and detective.
Nurse, because I love taking care of sick people. I want to bring them soup and tea, ensure they are securely tucked into bed, procure them ginger ale, find the perfect sick-person programming for them to watch on TV — I love it, love it, love it. (I can totally trace this back to my mother, who was not at all the nurturing type unless someone was sick, at which point she did a Wonder Woman-like conversion into a nurturing caretaker.) I realize that nursing as a profession is far less cozy than this and far more … disgusting at times, but I harbor secret fantasies of it nonetheless.
And detective, because I could totally crack that case, whatever it is. Seriously, I am like a human lie detector, people. (This is a real thing!) Also, I would like to be partnered with Elliot Stabler.
Interestingly, neither of these relate in the slightest to my original career plan for myself, which — through college, at least — was to teach high school English. Which is a career I would never want now, although I do enjoy scrutinizing other people’s syllabi. Nor do they relate at all to my actual line of work.
Do you have secret career fantasies that have nothing to do with your actual career? I want to know what they are. And don’t tell me baseball legend or Broadway star — it can’t be about fame; it has to be about the day-to-day work.
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A reader writes:
I have a direct report who is a high performer but with some poor consistency. She has been in the department longer than I have, and though she was somewhat disgruntled when I was promoted and she wasn’t, we have since become better at working with one another, and she is a top performer for me – when she is on.
The problem is she is very inconsistent. I allow her a degree of flexibility in her working hours – she can arrive late and leave late, and I trust her to get her work done. But she consistently works excessively hard on customers and projects which have little benefit – and then complains that she is overworked. I try to teach her prioritization but she consistently returns to her habits, regardless of my explanations.
Furthermore, she often has self-inflicted illnesses. She will drink non-potable water and develop a stomach bug, or exercise to the point of exhaustion, and take days off. Having known her for some time, I don’t believe she abusing my trust and taking days off, but it is causing other problems.
I have had multiple conversations with her in regards to her salary and potential future. I believe she is a very capable person with good skills and attitude, but I cannot consciously promote her to a supervisor role if she cannot set an example for others in their consistency.
I also don’t have the option of increasing her pay or non-supervisor responsibilities. Before I managed this team, she was given continuous pay increases to the point where her salary is just below mine. And she has been promoted in name already, and does have some minor increases in responsibility.
Can I tell her that her consistency is holding back her career?
Not only can you, but you must. It’s your job now to give her feedback, and this is crucial feedback for her to hear. Having this discussion with her is part of your job as a manager.
And frankly, I’d look at this not just in terms of how it will impact her future raises and promotions, but also how it should be impacting your assessment of her performance now. Are you really content to allow her to be this inconsistent in her current role and to misplace energy on projects with little benefit? And if you are, should you be?
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A reader writes:
I have recently started working at the job of my dreams. The only problem is is that it is in another state at a university in a small regional town. I left my husband behind in the city as he was struggling to find a job here.
A really great position opened up at the university here, which suites his skills perfectly. The application involved a set of online questions which the candidate responds to to justify their application and their skills. I reviewed my husband’s application via the system a few minutes before it closed just to ensure that it was submitted and noticed to my horror that it was full of spelling and grammatical errors (mostly grammatical). He is really bad with grammar and writing (he is a programmer) and I should have checked it first, the application is written so badly.
The application has closed and is no longer accessible so he can’t fix the mistakes. Would it be appropriate to send an email asking for it to be reopened to fix the mistakes or will that just look worse? It’s not just one mistake, the whole thing looks as though it is written by a child. I’m devastated because if he is not invited to an interview just because of a shoddy application there may not be another opportunity soon. Am I overreacting? He has really unique and special skills (and believe it or not is a really intelligent guy) and as it is a small town, there (in his application, for example, he would use “their” here) may not be many applications. Will gramatical errors cost him an interview even if he has the best skill set?
It depends on the job and the uniqueness of his skill set. There are some jobs where writing skills don’t matter at all … although even then, many hiring managers still won’t be thrilled with an application riddled with spelling and grammatical errors, since it can speak to problems with attention to detail and the general care someone takes with presenting their work. (I’m a total schoolmarm about this, in fact.) It’s also true that most of us believe that people are on their best behavior when applying for a job, and so if they’re not taking a lot of care with an application, they’re not likely to take a lot of care with their work.
Now, there are plenty of really smart people who are just terrible with spelling and grammar, so it’s not a reflection on his intelligence. But it may be a reflection on his judgment, because people who are bad at spelling and grammar should know this about themselves and enlist proofreading help when the stakes are high. So I wish your husband had done that here, and maybe you can encourage him to do that in the future.
As for what to do now … definitely don’t ask for the application to be reopened so he can fix it. That would be interfering and asking for special treatment on his behalf, and that won’t help either of you (and could actually hurt, by making it look like you don’t have appropriate boundaries between work and home).
The absolute most you could do, if you know the hiring manager, is to mention that your husband applied (see this post for tips on the boundaries in doing even that), and hope that the personal connection might give him enough of a boost to get an interview, and that he’s then impressive enough in the interview to negate any worries that were created by the sloppy application.
And of course, if his skill set is indeed unique and impressive, he might be just fine either way. But there’s no reason for him to ever jeopardize his chances by submitting sloppy applications when it can be so easily avoided, so it would be ideal if you could find some way to talk to him about ways to avoid that in the future.
(Do I need to create a category for “advice about your spouse”? Spouse questions come up with an interesting regularity.)
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A reader writes:
I hate to ask yet another “Can they do this?” question, but… can they do this?
Some backstory, I’ve been working full time as a salaried, non-exempt employee at my company for the past three years. Throughout the entirety of my time here, I have often stayed late, arrived early, and rarely (if ever) eat lunch away from my desk in order to complete everything on my plate. Basically, I work much more than the 40 hours a week I’m being paid for. I enjoy my job and pride myself on the work I do, so I do this happily and without complaining. I’ve also never received anything less than an excellent review.
I recently was pulled into a surprise meeting with HR, where they told me that I am taking too many bathroom breaks and it is becoming unacceptable. Now, without going too far into TMI territory, I will admit that I probably do use the restroom more often than the average person; I make it a point to drink at least 64 ounces of water a day, which, yes, does lead to that. However, I’d say that my bathroom breaks are usually no greater than five or six throughout the day, and no longer than 3-5 minutes at most. That would mean that at maximum, I’m taking a break of 30 minutes per day.
I did mention what I wrote above (spending more time at work than I am required and not taking lunch), but was told that that is my choice, and I am taking more time during work hours than I am allowed. They said that I should consider this an official warning, and that I am now allowed only three bathroom breaks every day, which I have to check out for, and if I need to take any more than that I need written permission from my supervisor.
I am absolutely furious about this. I am a grown woman who has been with this company for a good part of my adult life and now I am being treated like I am in grade school! Is it seriously legal and allowed for my company to monitor my the amount of time I go to the bathroom? Would it be different if it was due to a medical reason?
I have not talked to my supervisor yet since he was on vacation last week, but we’ve always had a good working relationship and I can’t imagine him caring about my visits to the restroom.
Run.
Seriously, run.
Not only is this ridiculous and degrading, but there’s also no way that there aren’t tons of other serious issues in your office. Any organization that would approach you like this has a load of other problems; you don’t get something like this happening within a well-managed organization.
Now, before I go any further, I’m obligated to point out that it’s possible that we’re not hearing the whole story here. In fact, Suzanne Lucas of Evil HR Lady recently wrote about a similar situation from the other side … but in that case the frequent bathroom-user had performance problems, and those were the real issue. You, however, have received consistently excellent reviews. (Of course, it’s certainly true that lots of bad managers give bad employees good reviews, because they’re wimps, and it’s possible that that’s the case here … but even then, your employer would still be awful, for lying to you about your performance and then trying to micromanage your bathroom usage instead of giving you straightforward feedback. And if that’s what’s happening, believe me, that is not a company you want to work for.)
In any case, back to your question. It’s almost certainly legal unless you have a medical condition that necessitates the bathroom breaks.
But the question should really be whether this is sensible or reasonable, not just legal, and the answer to that is a resounding no. Your employer shouldn’t spend even one second thinking about your bathroom usage unless it’s impacting your productivity, and if is impacting your productivity, then that’s what they should have addressed with you. It sounds like this: “Jane, I’m concerned because your productivity is lower than what I need from you. I need to see you start doing more A, B, and C , faster than you’re currently doing it.”
See that? No mention of bathrooms necessary.
People who instead respond the way your employer did are people without clarity about what you’re all there to get done, and how, and why. And a manager without clarity on those things is a Very Bad Thing, one that’s highly likely to make your life unhappy in other ways.
So I’d look elsewhere. But assuming that you don’t have the luxury of instantly changing jobs to one where you aren’t treated like a child, what should you do in the meanwhile? Personally, I’d sit down with the manager — not HR — and say this: “HR told me last week that I’m using the bathroom too frequently and they are limiting me to three bathroom trips a day. This seems bizarre to me, so I wanted to talk to you about whether something else is going on here. Are there concerns about my productivity or the quality of my work?” And if she says no, then you ask, “If my work and productivity is good, why on earth would anyone pay the slightest bit of attention to my bathroom usage? Please tell me what this is actually about.”
(By the way, I also think it’s odd that HR handled this, rather than your manager. Did your manager even know about this? Either way, this isn’t something HR should be handling; your manager should. Which is yet another huge managerial problem with this company.)
But really, unless you find out that this was some rogue HR person who is now being dressed down in the sternest of terms, get out of there. You deserve better.
You can read an update to this post here.
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A reader writes:
I had a phone interview two weeks ago with a hiring manager at a nonprofit media company. The interview went well. I would need to relocate for the job, which I’m happy to do. The HR person who called me to schedule the interview said if the hiring manager wanted a second interview to meet me in person, I’d be responsible for my own travel expenses. I was disappointed to hear that but didn’t express that to the HR person.
At the end of the scheduled phone interview, I told the hiring manager that should I move on to the next stage and he’d like to meet with me in person, I’d be willing to come down and that I would in fact would like to meet him and others in the company and see the studios, etc. I said I knew from HR I’d be responsible for my own travel expenses. He seemed a bit surprised when I offered this, but said, okay, he’d let me know if that became necessary. I should add that in the phone interview he told me I was the only out-of-state person he was interviewing. All the others were local.
I’ve never been offered a job before where I hadn’t personally met the person who’d be my boss or others who work at the company. I think it’s important to get a feel for a place, the atmosphere, the culture, who your potential co-workers are, and so forth, plus I’d like to actually see the building I’d be working in.
Last week, the HR person called me and asked for my references. Which of course I gave. A few days later, the hiring manager called to say he’d talked to my references and would be making his decision next week. I asked if he could give me some idea how strong a candidate he thought I might be…and he said, I was a strong candidate. Now this is where I think I dropped the ball. I didn’t ask if he wanted to meet me in person. I’m now wondering if he would actually offer a job to someone he hadn’t met in person. And I’m wondering if I want to accept a job where I haven’t met the person who’ll be my boss, have no idea who my co-workers would be, and have no idea what the physical environment is like. And I’d be relocating to boot.
What’s your sense of this situation? Have you come across this before? If I am offered the job, would it be totally out of line to ask if I can come down and meet him and see the place? Or will that look like I’m being difficult or demanding?
I agree that it’s odd that they’re willing to offer you a job without meeting in person, especially when you offered to travel there at your own expense. I’ve hired interns over the phone before when they weren’t local, but regular staff members, when it’s going to be a longer-term relationship and the stakes are higher? I’d want to meet in person. That said, different people have different comfort levels with that kind of thing.
Of course, it’s possible that there’s something else going on: For instance, maybe you’re not his first-choice candidate, so he doesn’t want to ask you to shoulder the travel expenses when he knows he’s likely to offer the job to someone else. If that person turns him down, perhaps he’ll ask you to visit at that point.
In any case, if you do get a job offer without a face-to-face meeting, I do think it’s reasonable to say that you’re extremely interested but would like to meet in person before accepting. However, here’s the catch: You’d likely need to make that trip very quickly, since most employers want an answer to an offer within a week or so. So you’ll want to be prepared to go very quickly — like, same week.
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