2012

This post was originally published on September 3, 2007. I’m reprinting it now because I’m taking a few days off. You’ll see a few new posts during this period, but I’ll also be using a few from the long distance past.

Firing poor performers is one of the hardest things managers do — and also one of the most important.

I’ll write in the future about how to make the decision to fire someone in the first place, but for now, here are six rules for the termination conversation itself.

Disclaimer: This post doesn’t address the legal issues surrounding firings, but obviously you should ensure that any termination you’re contemplating doesn’t violate federal or state laws … and if there are sticky issues potentially in play, you should speak to a lawyer in advance.

1. A firing should (almost) never come as a surprise.

Ideally, a firing should be the final installment in a conversation that has been ongoing. The employee has been clearly told about the problems and what needs to change, warned that the progress isn’t what it needs to be, and explicitly told that his or her job is in jeopardy if specific changes don’t occur. When the termination conversation happens, it’s more of a wrap-up than anything else; it shouldn’t be a surprise.

There are some offenses so egregious that they warrant firing on the spot, like, say, punching someone. But that’s not the case for the vast majority of terminations.

2. Be compassionate.

Acknowledge that this is hard and that you’re sorry this is the outcome. Allow your tone and body language to convey compassion. Even if you’ve been incredibly frustrated with the employee, now that the decision has been made, there’s no reason not to allow yourself to feel and express genuine compassion for what’s inescapably a horrible outcome for the person.

When at all feasible, try to truly believe this is a case of a bad fit, rather than that the employee is lazy, stupid, obstinate, or difficult. If you go into the meeting with this mindset, it will change the way you come across, helping to defuse the situation and helping the employee keep his or her dignity.

3. Be direct.

Start the conversation off with your decision. Some managers try to ease into the news, thinking it will soften the blow. But then you’ll have the employee sitting there thinking they’re supposed to be defending themselves, when in fact you’re past that point. It’s unkind to make the employee think they can sway your opinion if they can’t, so let them know up front what decision you’ve made.

Lead off with something like: “This is a tough conversation to have. When we met several weeks ago, we discussed the fact that if you didn’t meet the benchmarks we laid out, we wouldn’t be able to keep you on. Unfortunately, although I know you have been trying, we’re now at that point and have decided to let you go. I know this is hard, and I want to do whatever I can to make it as easy as possible on you.”

4. Don’t lie about the reason for the firing.

Sometimes a manager will come up with a “cover story” for the firing, thinking the real reason will hurt the employee’s feelings. Sometimes a manager will use a cover story because he or she hasn’t been direct enough with the employee about the problems earlier and has avoided tough conversations about performance issues. Now that the person needs to be fired, the manager is in the position of explaining a decision the person had no warning of. (See #1 and don’t put yourself in this position, which is tremendously unfair to the employee. If a manager has problems with an employee that the employee doesn’t know about, the problem is with the manager.)

Do not under any circumstances lie. You may need to speak about the reason for the firing in the paperwork for the employee’s future unemployment claim or even in litigation — and if what you say doesn’t match what the employee was told, it will cause big problems.

5. Keep the conversation relatively short.

Don’t enter into a debate. Your decision is final, and while you hope the employee understands it, the time for back-and-forth is over. Let the employee know your decision and then cover logistics, like returning keys and other property, the final paycheck, COBRA, etc.

6. Know you’re going to be emotionally drained afterward.

There have been firings I’ve found easier than others — firing someone found to have chronically falsified timesheets wasn’t especially hard — but in general, firing someone is always emotionally difficult. It’s terrible news to deliver to someone. But being compassionate and treating the employee with respect, fairness, and dignity and knowing that you gave the employee ample warning and opportunity to improve will at least let you know that the meeting was better in your hands than it might have been in someone else’s.

{ 12 comments }

A reader writes:

A couple years back, my best friend applied to a position at a very well-known, global company. This is a company that people from all over the world want to work for, and it’s always been her “dream company.” Without getting too far into the backstory, she got the offer and must have indicated in some manner that she planned to accept, because they sent her contracts, broke down a timeline for her to move cross-country and start work, etc. After a week of beating around the bush (all she had left to do was break the news to her coworkers), she let her bosses talk her out of taking the job. I was disappointed that she gave up such an amazing opportunity and thought she probably shot herself in the foot with this company by the way she handled it. (Don’t get me wrong, I know people can turn down offers for a variety of reasons, but she implied that she was ready to make the jump and waited until the 11th hour to say she changed her mind.)

Now she’s miserable again at her job and wants to move on. She keeps applying to the “dream company” because when she turned down the last job, the HR rep told her to “keep in touch.” Each time she contacted this woman (probably three times in the past 18 months), the woman responded in a cooler and cooler fashion. Personally I think the “keep in touch” was a polite HR-style kiss-off, but I don’t know. Part of me thinks my friend is in denial about how poorly she handled things before, and that she’s wasting valuable time and energy by still focusing her search there rather than opening herself up to other opportunities at other companies.

What do you think? Do companies hold a grudge like this when they know there’s a line of thousands behind her who would take a job without hesitation? Can a person be “blacklisted” in their applicant database for something like this? The job search process is hard enough and my friend keeps getting her hopes up each time she applies. I can’t tell if I’m being a good friend by supporting her decisions, or a bad friend by not giving her my honest opinion.

If she indicated that she was accepting their offer and then later changed her mind, then yes: They are probably never going to consider her again. They consider her flaky and unreliable.

She might not actually be flaky and unreliable, but she was in this situation and so she is to them. Prospective employers don’t have all that many data points about you, so they work with what you give them.

Now, if she didn’t actually accept the offer, and she did get back to them in some sort of reasonable agreed-upon timeline, then ignore everything I wrote above. In that case, the vast majority of employers aren’t going to hold a turned-down offer against someone, assuming it doesn’t come after an initial acceptance. However, there’s always the occasional rogue person who doesn’t follow these norms, and it’s possible that this HR woman is one of them.

I’d ask your friend point-blank whether she accepted their earlier offer and point out that if she did, that’s almost certainly why they’re not interested in pursuing her now.

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A reader writes:

How should I approach it when I need to chase down my fellow colleagues and manager about matters that require their prompt assistance and attention? For instance, my senior colleague, who is based in another state, usually emails me to follow-up on certain issues that require clearance on my end, that is, I need to obtain approval from my boss. But despite sending 1-2 email follow-up emails to my boss asking for his approval on the issue on hand, every time I check in with him (face-to-face) his reply is, “I haven’t seen it yet.” How do I go about asking him to please take a look at my email that contains some editorial feedback from him before I can forward it down to my senior colleague?
Honestly, I have been “complained” about once or twice by my colleagues to my direct supervisor that I had been too “fierce” when it comes to asking them to reply me on certain emails. Since then, I have toned down my way of asking them things, but it hasn’t brought much good to me either, since they’re not taking my requests seriously when I’m very nice about it. Please help me out here!

You can read my answer to this question over at the Intuit QuickBase blog today.

Plus, three other careers experts are answering this question there today too. Head on over there for answers…

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I’m sure it will come as a shock to all of you, but some bosses are annoying.

Over at U.S. News & World Report today, I talk about seven of the biggest ways — including making social events unofficially required, pressuring employees to donate to charity, holding endless and awful meetings, and more. You can check it out here.

Feel free to cover what I missed.

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It’s terse answer Tuesday — seven short answers to seven short questions. And we have two particularly bad horror stories about managers today — including one threatening a former employee’s life. Here we go…

1. Listing volunteer work without any proof

I used to work as the Executive Editor (volunteer) for a website. Although it was volunteer, I did begin at entry level and was promoted through a couple of positions to Exec Ed. I have wanted to use this experience on my resume, but when I quit, the website pulled all articles I wrote/edited off of their website. Looking at their website now, there is no way to tell that I was once a part of it. Is there any way I can legitimately include the volunteer job on my resume even though it seems like I don’t have any hard proof?

Absolutely you should include it. If asked, you can explain that they removed the articles once you stopped working there. If they did it in an acrimonious way, you might have a professional-sounding friend call to check the reference and make sure they’re not denying that you ever worked there; if they do, you might need to educate them about the law. (And if the reference itself is bad, follow my usual advice about problematic references.) In the future, save screen shots or other copies of your published material, since there’s no guarantee that it will stay available.

2. Do I need new thank-you cards?

I’ve gone through the second round of interviews after a phone screen (yippee!), and am wondering about sending another thank-you card. Is it OK to send the same type of card (as in the same design), or do I need to buy new thank-you cards? Also, there were a couple people on the phone call this time around, one who I’ve spoken to three times now and two who I’ve “met” for the first time. Do I send cards to all three, or is it OK to send a card to the main contact, mentioning the two others? (For context, one person was someone I’d be supervising, another was someone who’d be a peer and the third would be my boss).

I wouldn’t care if a candidate sent me the same card, as long as the content inside was substantively different — that’s the key. Alternately, it’s fine to send your follow-up note in an email; you don’t even need to use cards at all.

Whatever you send, though, send a note to each person you met with. It’ll take you 10 minutes longer and make a good impression. You’d be surprised how nice a gesture many people will find that, especially because two of them probably aren’t decision-makers but you took the time to be gracious anyway.

3. My company is being really sketchy about non-exempt employees and overtime pay

I work for a company in the entertainment industry. It is common practice to work long hours, varying from 45 to 60 hours a week. I recently went to my boss and expressed concern that I was a salaried non-exempt employee and that others that I work with also fell into this category. I was told that I probably did not understand what I was reading and was asked to look into it further. I continued researching and was sure that we had been mis-categorized. He then asked his lawyers (cc’d me on the email) and they confirmed that there were concerns, but stated that these matters are usually not traceable and that employers are rarely caught, unless an employee wants to “make trouble.”

I was then asked to drop the matter altogether but not before sending my boss an email that stated that I did not personally feel I was owed overtime, which I have not done yet. Instead I wrote that I worked a typical 45 hours per week and that in some instances I worked more than that though always with his knowledge. He did not respond to the letter but does not seem happy about it…. I do not want to lose my job, but I am pretty sure that things are wrong in this situation.

Wow. I’ve never encountered an employment lawyer who didn’t take seriously concerns about paying non-exempt employees overtime (although it’s true that employers aren’t usually caught unless someone complains). And even if you wrote the email your boss stupidly asked for, it wouldn’t prevent the company from owing you overtime if a labor agency got involved; you can’t waive your legal rights to overtime pay, even voluntarily.

I’d strongly recommend contacting a lawyer for advice about navigating the rest of this, especially since you’re concerned about retaliation. But if you’re absolutely not interested in pursuing this legally, then I’d tell your boss that your primary concern is protecting the company from legal problems if someone else complained since employers have to pay back pay and penalties when they misclassify people (with recent cases costing companies millions of dollars), plus criminal charges for willful violators. And hell, maybe even write the letter he wants, since you know it’s not going to be legally binding anyway.

4. Former employer is threatening my life

Recently, I quit my job due to not being paid for hours worked and not being paid overtime that I put in. My store managers were also verbally and emotionally abusive, where they would threaten future jobs (mind you, this is a mom and pop tourist shop). I won my case against them for money they owed me, but recently from other girls who still work there, I found out they’re threatening to kill me or run me over while walking my dog (they live near me). I’m terrified! Also I’m filing for unemployment against them, and they’ve forced the girls who still work there to sign a form saying they never witnessed abuse, though both girls have. They were forced to sign it or they’d be suspended without pay for a week. Help!

Tell the unemployment office what you’re said here — all of it. And if you take their threats against your safety even remotely seriously, contact the police.

5. Juggling a new job offer while waiting to hear about a raise at my current job

I’ve recently asked for a raise at my current job. My manager seemed open to this, but explained she would like to meet in a month’s time to see how our new project goes. After asking for this raise, I was offered another job from a similar company. Should I tell this potential employer that I’m waiting on a raise, and need some time to get back to him? Or, should I be vague (yet professional), and tell him I will get back to him soon?

Don’t tell the prospective employer that you’re waiting to hear about a raise from your current job — that’s like saying that you’ll just go to the highest bidder, which is a turn-off to an employer who wants to think you’re genuinely excited about the job. Decide if you want the job or not, and take it based on that. Don’t try to postpone your decision for a month; most employers are willing to give you about a week to make a decision, and asking for a month (or taking a month without asking for it) is a good way to signal disinterest or that you’re waiting for a better offer.

6. Putting a summary section at the top of your resume

I know you don’t like objectives on resumes but what about a summary? I was told by a professional who read my resume that I should have an introduction that goes into what my skills are and to not just go straight into my education and experience. But I don’t know how I feel about putting one since I could just put my skills section at the top and it would be the same thing. I also feel that all it does is repeat everything I said in the cover letter.

I really like short summary sections at the top of a resume — if they’re done well, they can frame your candidacy in a way that sets the employer up to see the rest of your resume through that lens. The idea isn’t just to list your skills; it’s to really frame what you’re all about professionally and the strongest evidence that you’re good at it. However, it’s far from essential, so don’t feel obligated to do it if it doesn’t seem to fit naturally for you. (Keep in mind, though, that if you’re feeling like it would just repeat what you have in your cover letter, then your cover letter probably needs to be improved.)

7. Following up with an employer as a decision deadline approaches

A month and a half ago, I interviewed for a position at a company that decided to put me on hold because they were still interviewing other candidates. They would let me know about the decision on May 30. Since it has been a month and a half since I’ve interacted with them, I want to send them an email to remind them of my interest in the position and why I’m a great fit. My fear is that they would forget about my qualifications. Is this a good idea or would it seem annoying?

Go ahead and do it. I’m not a huge fan of follow-up emails, but in situations like that — where it’s been a while since your interview — I think it’s reasonable to do. Reiterate your interest and let them know you’re looking forward to hearing from them.

{ 83 comments }

A reader writes:

Nearly 3 months ago, my husband and I experienced the loss of our only child. It happened suddenly and I haven’t returned to work since. I have kept in contact with my supervisor from time to time just to check in. The standard bereavement leave is three days but they made an exception, given my extreme circumstance and the large amount of leave time I had banked.

My supervisor and the Executive Director of the advertising firm I work for have expressed interest in knowing when I might be returning, seeing as how a big project is coming up. I even get calls from the Human Resource office in an attempt to check in with me. I am not asking for help on deciding when or whether I should go back. I know that has to come from me. I am, however, unsure of how to proceed. I don’t know if I am ready to return to work. My workplace and the industry I work in is notoriously cut-throat in my area. My co-workers rarely take vacations and those who do tend to left behind and/or are eventually laid off. I am curious whether returning to work would even be worth it, considering I don’t think I can muster a passion for anything at the moment.

I had recently decided to approach my supervisor about possibly returning in a limited capacity for a brief time. My friends (they all work in advertising) say this would probably be a bad idea and is generally frowned upon. I was curious if this was an industry standard. I liked my job and I guess I still do. I would hate to burn bridges by asking for this.

Also, if I did leave the workforce at this point and wished to enter it again when things settled down a bit, how would I explain my absence during this time? Would it seem like a point of weakness to a potential employer?

I am obviously unable to really think too clearly about the issue so I thought a little insight from the prospective of a manager might give me some help in approaching this situation. Thank you for any advice you offer.

I’m so sorry. How terrible.

I think you should probably ignore your friends who say that asking to return part-time for a while is a bad idea. While I don’t know the advertising industry, I do know that your situation is uncommon enough that it’s unlikely that there’s an established custom of looking down on people doing this in your specific situation. (After all, before this happened, would you have looked down on someone who did this? I bet you wouldn’t have.) It’s more likely that your friends are applying things they’ve seen in different circumstances to your own situation, which they can’t really accurately do.

A better bet would be to have a candid conversation with your boss. Say that you’d like to talk about the possibility of coming back in a limited capacity until you’re ready for more, and ask for her candid thoughts on that. Make it clear that you understand she might not be able to say yes to that, but that you thought it could be a good way to get yourself back to work in some capacity right now. Even if she ultimately says no (which I bet she won’t; most people are desperate for a way to help people in your circumstances), you certainly won’t have burned a bridge by asking. You’ll be indicating that you’re trying to meet their needs, as well as your own — that’s not a bridge-burner.

Also, keep in mind that you have nothing to lose by trying this out. If you go back for a while and realize it wasn’t the right decision, you can just be straightforward and explain that. People will understand. So if you try it, it’s not an irreversible decision.

However, if you decide not to do that and instead decide to leave the workforce for a while, you’d explain to prospective employers later that you were dealing with a death in the family. Most employers will understand (and those that don’t are ones you don’t want to work for). That said, from a purely practical standpoint, if you’re up to going back in a limited capacity, you might find it easier than leaving altogether and looking for work later while you’re unemployed, since in general it tends to be easier to find a new job when you already have one (although other factors, like a really strong network, can cancel that out in individual cases).

But I’d just be honest with your boss about what you’d like and see if it’s possible. Assume that people probably want to help, and let them know how they can.

I’m so sorry you’re facing this entire situation and hope that this particular piece of it works out for you as best as it can.

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A reader writes:

In a few weeks, I’ll be taking 2 weeks off work to have plastic surgery. After returning to work, I’ll be on a few work restrictions for 2-3 weeks. My immediate supervisor and manager know the reason, but I really don’t want to tell my co-workers that the reason I can’t shift books or push carts (I work in a library) is because of a boob job.

I’m not necessarily embarassed, but I really don’t want to have the discussion with my co-workers. We are all cordial and chat sometimes, but talking about my boob job with them isn’t my idea of a good time.

The thing is, they’re really nosy, and I don’t know what to say other than “It’s private,” but they won’t let me off the hook with that. Any advice?

“It’s private” is exactly the sort of response that you should be able to use but in reality will just encourage speculation, especially among nosy people.

Instead, I’d go with “I had a medical procedure, but I’m fine,” and if anyone asks follow-up questions, then say, “I don’t want to get into medical details, but everything is okay.”

Keep in mind that even a lot of non-nosy people might ask, “Are you okay?” — not intending to be nosy, but out of genuine concern. So you want to have your follow-up response ready, and ideally one that politely conveys “I don’t want to discuss this at work.”  I like “I don’t want to get into medical details” because you can say it in a tone that’s friendly and polite, and even one that implies “it’s for your own good; I don’t want to gross you out with the details of a situation that for all you know could be gory or highly personal.”

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I get asked about this all the time, and now my answer is over at U.S. News & World Report today: what to do if you get one job offer while you’re waiting to hear about another job that you’d prefer. You can read it here.

And, over at the Intuit QuickBase blog today, I talk about how you can find a mentor. (Hint: you don’t always need a formal mentoring program.) You can read that one here.

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If want to connect with other Ask a Manager readers on LinkedIn — to network, talk, or whatever — now you can.

Our awesome commenter Jamie set up a group over there (moderated by her, not me!). To join, click here.

It’s a private group, so you’ll need to do two things: First, click “join group,” and then click “send a message” while your membership is pending so that you can indicate you’re an AAM reader (to help keep spammers away).

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A reader writes:

I was working with a staffing agency and received a job offer through them. I was informed by phone and email that I’d been hired, with start date and start time. So, I verbally confirmed that I accept, would be quitting my current job, and would be able to start on the agreed start date, after my two-weeks notice.

Just a few days before my start date, I was notified that my offer had to be revoked because there were changes in the department. I was supposed to be replacing a woman present at my interview who was getting a promotion. But I was told that the manager of the department she was getting promoted to was new, had “jumped the gun,” and that the process could not move forward. As a result, I am unemployed. Is this legal? Doesn’t a position have to be verified by someone to officially be open? Will this reflect me negatively when I have to explain to new interviewers why I am unemployed?

What an awful situation.

Unfortunately, it’s generally legal unless the employer operated with deliberate fraudulent intent. There’s also something called “detrimental reliance,” where you’d argue that you relied to your detriment on their offer. However, courts haven’t generally sided with those claims, in part because since employment is usually at-will, you could have been fired on your first day without legal recourse. (Courts are starting to look a bit more favorably on these claims recently, particularly in California, but not enough that you could rely on it.)

But regardless of the law, it’s a really, really horrible thing to do to someone. You need to spell out for them exactly the situation they’ve put you in: “I resigned my job on your word that I had a job with you. I’m now unemployed as a result of this, in a terrible job market. What can be done to make this right?” Any employer with even a sliver of a conscience should, at a minimum, pay you severance or a settlement in this situation — not that that will make up for it. If they refuse, I’d say the next step is to have a lawyer try to negotiate on your behalf.

Meanwhile, is there any way to return to your previous job? If not, be straightforward with new employers about what happened; it shouldn’t reflect on you, and any normal person will be horrified and sympathetic.

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