Here are another three updates from people who had their letters answered here this year.
1. When a coworker missed a deadline, I told her it’s a good thing she’s pretty
My situation worked out fine. Not a whole lot to tell. Appreciated your input. I will admit I was shocked by the response of commenters to what was not meant as a serious insult. That said, it was made pretty obvious that I underestimated the seriousness of commenting on appearance at all, which I appreciated. Bit of a wake up call.
I obviously did not challenge the writing up after that little avalanche of criticism. I had already signed it, so challenging it would have been tricky by that point anyway, despite it not being the right response to the situation. I did take your advice on making sure my manager knew I recognized and regretted the comment that was made and things have been pretty smooth since then. I am a high performer, so he appreciated it was a one-off.
As for the woman who the callous comment was directed at, she and I have been fine. I’m no longer angry she went to my manager instead of addressing the issue directly with me. I can understand she wasn’t sure of herself in the moment. I don’t consider myself to be an intimidating person, but it’s something for me to consider in how I come across in future. Her work has also been better, so we haven’t had any conflicts since. I will be looking to better manage my response next time if she is to drop the ball again. Overall, I appreciated getting an outside perspective, despite the criticism, it did help me to see where I went wrong. You provide a valuable resource, so thanks for that.
2. My employer wants me to repay business expenses because I’m resigning
I took the advice provided from Ask a Manager and in the comments, and I’m so glad I did. While I worked hard to ensure a smooth transition as I was leaving, I declined saying anything definitive about the money one way or the other. This was not difficult, as this policy is deeply unpopular even among senior management. I did receive an email from the Human Resource Director about three weeks after my last day reminding me (clearly sent at the CEO’s behest). I politely but firmly referred her to a lawyer, and the matter was dropped.
I understand that they have increased the “repayment policy” from six months to eight months, and are now “requiring” departing employees to pay not just the cost of the plane ticket but all other expenses as well (hotels, meals, etc.).
I shared your advice to several colleagues in the same situation as me. It helped them tremendously as well.
So glad to be out of there. Thanks again for all your support, everyone!
3. How can I get to know people in my new office? (#2 at the link)
I did bring food, like homemade cookies and other treats. While some of my colleagues were appreciative, the gesture backfired with others who seemed to associate it with their (house)wives, including a member of the management team. Then again, said member is also the same person who suggested I should enjoy a song because “all Chinese people like it” (I’m of Asian descent), portray a hooker in an advertising video for an Asian client, etc.