what are the strangest things you’ve ever seen on a resume?

I want to hear about the weirdest things you’ve seen on resumes.

To kick us off, some highlights from past commenters:

“The person whose description included only their entire astrological profile. I mean, sun sign, moon sign, rising sign, and midheaven sign. AND NOTHING ELSE.”

“I received a resume for an IT Help Desk Technician position who put his current employer as ‘Confidential’ and description of accomplishments ‘Unable to disclose.'”

“One applicant mentioned that she had a large collection of dolls for which she would sew intricate costumes. It was … not helpful.”

“My office is currently hiring and we had a candidate apply with a MENU. He had formatted his resume like a menu with skills under Appetizers (and some had peppers next to them … I guess to indicate hot skills?) Not only did was the format weird, but his descriptions were incredibly informal and condescending, like ‘I managed 10 coworkers and if they got out of line, tough.'”

So, please share the comments the oddest thing you’ve seen on resumes!

{ 1,715 comments… read them below }

  1. Snarkus Aurelius*

    One recent college grad listed that she was Time magazine’s Person of the Year 2006.

    No, I’m not kidding.

    Although it was technically true, she did not get an interview.

    1. Amber T*

      My (otherwise decently competent) college career counseling center advised to put that on our resumes or cover letters as an interesting fact.

        1. Jane*

          Is anyone doing/publishing research on what actually works on resumes? Everything I read seems to be opinions rather than evidence-based, and full of contradictions. Be quirky. Be professional. Use “I”. Write in the passive voice. It seems like luck as to whether you matchwith the employer’s idea of a good resume, but are there any solid studies out there?

          1. selena81*

            not sure how helpfull it’ll be it: there are tons of studies on dating but in the end you either ‘feel it’ or you don’t, and most of what science has to say about is is either ‘yeah duh, common sense’ or ‘pfft, you only used 5 test-subject, how is that proof of anything’.
            f.e. Allison isn’t a big fan of gimmicks, and i agree with her, but i’m sure there’s lot of research that proves how wrong she is: sociology has proof of *anything* and just as much proof of *the reverse of anything*.

            It seems like luck as to whether you match with the employer’s idea of a good resume..
            I think that in the end that is pretty much the harsh truth (aside from aforementioned common sense: make your resume look neat and impressive): employers are people and you’ll always click better with one then the other.

          2. Eve Sundquist Sande, Ph.D.*

            Do not be too old.
            Do not be too female.
            dDo not be “over-educated.”
            Become the “diversity candidate” they are required to interview.
            Do not get the job.
            Rinse and repeat.

      1. Dame Edna*

        “For seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game, Time’s Person of the Year for 2006 is you.”

        Considering what just happened with Facebook, I think I’ll leave this particular achievement off my resume.

      1. Indisch Blau*

        So did I! The second item Google suggests after “time person of the year 2017” is “time person of the year 2006”.

      2. Ian*

        If that ever comes up in an interview, my response will now be: “Impossible! *I* was Time’s Person of the Year for 2006” and look at them with quiet disdain.

        1. selena81*

          if i were to do that i’d use a more obscure fact (but still easily googlable of course: don’t want to make it come of like i’m just lying).
          And definitely not something that happened 10 years ago.

      1. SarahJ*

        Not that creative! I’ve seen this on a few college student resumes. They all got interviews because we screen resumes solely on technical skills. They all turned out to be very odd.

    2. Hey Karma, Over here.*

      I think that David Letterman received thousands of cover letters listing “The Top Ten Reasons to Hire Me” for the same reason. It seemed clever at the time. And maybe the first three were, but it tires quickly.

      1. Specialk9*

        Yeah. Famous comedians surely value people with the ability to realize this funny thing you just thought of is NOT the first time they’ve heard it.

    3. Darrow*

      This was something commonly joked about among my friends in college while we were applying for our first jobs. I am not too surprised that someone actually did it…

    4. Goosela*

      I get sick of seeing that on Tinder profiles (first time I saw it and looked it up…it was a little funny, fifteenth time? Not so much)….I can’t imagine seeing it on a resume.

    5. Elmyra Duff*

      I almost always used that as my answer to the “In 200 charcaters or less, tell us something interesting about you!” question that makes me want to scream. I just gave you my resume (and probably had to fill out a form with the same information) and my cover letter. I’m not going to dance, too.

      1. LeisureSuitLarry*

        I hate that crap. I usually put something ridiculous like “I was the Queen of England in a former life” in that box. Unsurprisingly, I’ve never gotten an interview or phone call from one of the places that asks for this stupidity.

        1. RVA Cat*

          Come on, don’t you know everybody was Queen of France (Marie-Antoinette) or Egypt (Cleopatra) in their former life?

          1. Specialk9*

            Was it Dr Who where someone was walked through all their prior lives – slave, died in childbirth; serf; serf; peasant – instead of the Marie Antoinette they had imagined?

            1. Rachel Paterson*

              I don’t remember it from DW, but in Red Dwarf, it’s revealed that one character was, in a past life, Alexander the Great…’s chief eunuch :)

              1. Hornswoggler*

                Read Mary Renault’s The Persian Boy and you may feel differently about whether this is funny/bad/embarrassing or not!

      2. PSB*

        Ooh, that’d make a great truth the next time somebody insists on playing Two Truths and a Lie!

        Ugh….

    6. Cute Li'l UFO*

      That is absolutely hilarious! I will cop to putting that on my old dating profile and I got a fair number of responses indicating that the reader had to google it. I always did wonder if someone either had the jokesterness or gumption to put it on a resume…

    7. Oxford Coma*

      This would have been good if she was applying to be a writer of Dad Jokes, but I’m guessing that’s not a real thing.

      1. Totally Minnie*

        One of my coworkers is a writer of dad jokes. But I don’t think anyone’s ever paid him for that service.

      1. Stormfeather*

        I’d argue it’s probably not technically true because if she just graduated, she wouldn’t have been old enough 12 years ago to likely be part of that target audience/group that Time magazine was talking about.

    8. BetterOffNow*

      I think that’s clever. In a creative role, that may have gotten her an interview.

      1. The Opening Act*

        Nah, it’s so cliched and done to death it’s ridiculous. It’s not clever or original.

    9. Feline Fine*

      I have that on my LinkedIn profile. Obviously if I were searching for a job I’d take it down. For now it’s kind of fun to see who notices it.

    10. E.*

      Yes! I saw this on a resume too! The truly shocking thing was that my coworkers didn’t think it was weird…

    1. Damn it, Hardison!*

      All my afternoon meetings got canceled. It’s like the universe wants me to be here!

  2. First time buyer*

    I’m sure there was a commenter who posted a long time ago about someone listing the fact they had birthed 5 kids vaginally on their resume

      1. Snargulfuss*

        Ding, ding, ding! Ask a Manager board game/computer game idea! (I guess it would probably be an app now, but I’m old fashioned that way.)

        1. As Close As Breakfast*

          Okay, I’m pretty much dashing off to make my own AAM Bingo board right now!

          – Wild animal is somehow involved
          – Someone breaks a bone
          – Letter is picked up by Buzzfeed
          – Secret club/society

          I’m going to let my imagination run freaking wild and then sit back and wait…

          1. Anonicat*

            Wildly inappropriate

            Your boss sucks and isn’t going to change

            What the actual F

            Gumption

          2. Pebbles*

            – Hanukkah balls
            – It’s not as bad as having cancer

            You know, this would make an awesome drinking game, but it’d be difficult to get through a single letter taking shots on some of these…

          3. Mel R*

            – I injured a colleague and now I’m in trouble, how do I blame them?
            – A colleague injured me and now I’M in trouble, how do I fix this?

      2. Book Lady*

        Speaking of… I did once see a resume on which the candidate wrote that she had been on Jeopardy.

      3. AMT*

        Now I’m imagining a gynecologist trying to avoid that word on their resume. “Performed examinations, uh…down there. Diagnosed diseases of…the lady parts.”

        1. Julia*

          To be fair, gynecologists would be the only people who could use that word on their resumé – they might have fancier words for it, though.
          And now I remembered how Grey’s Anatomy censored out the word “vagina” – on a medical show. Geez.

        2. The OG Anonsie*

          Physicians don’t really list out stuff like that on a CV, though, so even then it would be pretty weird.

    1. Geneva*

      Any mention of one’s genitalia and what it accomplished should NEVER be on a resume. *clutches pearls*

    2. CoveredInBees*

      Nooooo! No No No. I thought the person who wrote something along the lines of “Daddy to Apple (age 7) and Bagel (age 5) who are on the best team in t-ball!” was bad.

      There almost no situation where reference to one’s vagina appropriate on a resume.

        1. Detective Amy Santiago*

          I am hoping that CoveredinBees changed the names to protect the children.

          Like, really REALLY hoping.

          1. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

            Reminds me of Baby Mama: “Banjo! Wingspan! Time for your playdates!”

            1. Natalie*

              Or 30 Rock: “I was thinking of Bookcase, or maybe Hat. But Hat’s more of a girl’s name.”

              1. SavannahMiranda*

                So that’s where “Bookcase” came from!

                People where joking with me while I was pregnant about NOT naming my kid Bookcase. I was…perplexed.

                Facepalm.

                Thank you for explaining pop culture to me. (sigh) Not the first time this has happened and won’t be the last.

          2. Landshark*

            I’m 50/50. I’m a teacher, and I’ve seen some truly uncommon names between my teaching and substitute teaching experiences, such as numbers, the names of fish (think along the lines of Salmon, not Mr. Floaty), abstract concepts (along the lines of Equality), and what I can only describe as letter salad (usually by unnecessarily expanding a phonetic name, like Maereigh instead of Mary, but on a much larger scale). (Note: to protect privacy, none of these names are actual names of students I’ve had, but similar ones to give you the sense of what I mean)

            1. Bryce*

              Some kids I grew up with were twins, and the parents tried to be cute. One had a reasonable A-name and for whatever reason they didn’t like Zach and couldn’t think of another Z-name so they named the other kid just Z. Last I heard he was going by Zed, which aint bad.

              1. Specialk9*

                Zane, Zebulon, Zebediah, Zeus, Zade, Zander (though it should be Xander, but meh), Zeke.

                Not that YOU really need this list, and actually Zed ain’t bad, but man.

                1. Lissa*

                  My girlfriend’s dog is Zander, and when I expressed irritation over the fact that it should be an X, she admitted that she agrees with me but he was adopted with a Z and so a Z it shall remain. I grudgingly accepted this.

                  But if you’re gonna name something Xander, take the opportunity to use the X!

                2. Hornswoggler*

                  Zander is a type of fish – the pike-perch, if I’m not mistaken. Back to fish names.

                3. Shamy*

                  My son is a Xander with an X! We call him X man for his nickname and he loves having a name that starts wuth X,

            2. blily*

              Oh God I love imagining the fish name. Mahi Mahi? Dover Sole? But I bet it was actually Trout. Because it sounds like Scout but there are already too many Scouts out there. Or its an homage to Kilgore Trout. Or something like that.

              1. Troutwaxer*

                I am not an homage. I am the spiritual descendant of the Mongolian Monks who kept The Khan’s fish shiny.

              2. Another Software Engineer*

                I knew a guy in college named Shad – not terrible for a fish name.

            3. Specialk9*

              My sister delivered a child, and the mom named her Chlamydia.

              And you thought that was just an urban legend. Sigh. Nope.

              Iceland might be on to something with regulated cultural names. (No they’re not, that’s so xenophobic!)

              1. Julia*

                Germany only allows certain names (so Pepsi Cola was out, but Pepsi Carola was apparently accepted), and one thing that irks me is that the sex needs (needed?) to be apparent. So, if you’re Japanese and want to name your daughter Maho, but Germans think all names ending in -o are male, you have to attach a second name, let’s say Maho Jessica.

                1. attie*

                  In theory, if you’re actually Japanese (not just a German person wanting to give your kid a Japanese name) then it’s enough that the name is generally recognized as female in Japan. (For Japanese names in particular, that could get tricky…) You shouldn’t have to add a (to a Japanese person) “foreign” name just to pander to German sensibilities.

                  No idea how that’s actually handled in practice, though.

                2. Julia*

                  Really? Even if the kid has German citizenship? I’m German, but my husband is Japanese, and most double citizens I know who grew up in Germany have two first names.

                3. GermanCoffeegirl*

                  @Julia: You have to prove that it’s part of your (in this case your husband’s) cultural background and that that name exists in Japan. Additionally, it helps if the child’s surname is Japanese as well. But it also often depends on the registrar (although you can contest their decision).
                  For example, if you and your husband were German with standard German surnames (think Schmidt and Müller), you wouldn’t be allowed to name your child Jesus. But Jesús is a standard first name in Hispanic countries, so if let’s say your last name was Hernandez or Medina, then it would be allowed.

        2. RVA Cat*

          Me too. It’s got to be awkward enough for Apple Martin, esp. now that she’s 13 (!). Plus the whole thing of being Gwyneth Paltrow’s spawn….

          1. Spooky*

            Strangely enough, we’ve got Gwyneth’s Christmas card on our fridge. My roommate briefly worked for Gwyneth’s company Goop– not directly with her, of course, just for the company–back when they still had a major New York base of operations, which was apparently enough to get us on her annual Christmas card list. It’s got a very nice picture of her and the kids, including Apple. I see it every time I’m rummaging for a midnight snack.

            It’s weird.

            1. RVA Cat*

              That’s kind of cool, actually. Plus I empathize with the kids going through the divorce – that’s never easy no matter how rich or famous you are.

      1. Is pumpkin a vegetable?*

        And what’s worse, like a vaginal delivery is some kind of badge of honor! “Well at least I didn’t have a C-SECTION and prove myself a failure!” Sheesh.

        1. The New Wanderer*

          I believe the corresponding brag would be: “I survived major abdominal surgery and the attendant risks twice to ensure a safe passage for my beloved children!”

        2. Solidus Pilcrow*

          Read somewhere that in Brazil (?) a C-section scar was a mark of wealth – you could afford pay to avoid natural childbirth.

          1. Really Rosie*

            The childbirth conditions are terrible in Brazil. They’re c/s rate has been about 90% for many years. Some theories is that the men don’t want the women “ruining” their vaginas.

            1. Mela*

              Not quite…
              “Eighty-five per cent of all births in private hospitals are Caesareans, while in public hospitals the figure stands at 45%.”

              And there are about a dozen more prominent reasons other than men not wanting “ruined” vaginas…

      2. Jady*

        Not sure if it counts but it dumbfounded me at the time. I have no idea how common this is.

        Had a guy with a great looking resume. The position was working in software. Listed the had experience with a lot of the commonly used programs and (coding) languages – a core part of the job. Everything on his resume looked A+ for the position.

        He was brought into for an interview and I questioned about said programs, as there are many different ways to use them. His answers were vague and dodgy, so I asked more questions, then questions expanding to basic UI elements, and eventually why it’s listed on his resume.

        Eventually, give gives in and says:

        “Well, they used [the program] at that company.”

        He was immediately escorted out.

          1. Irene Adler*

            Geez, I can’t even get a job interview and this clown gets one by totally lying on the resume. My task is clear.

        1. selena81*

          I have to admit i may have overrated my knowledge of some programs on my resume. But i’d only overdo it a little: such that i’d still feel comfortable that i could explain away deficiencies as ‘i am just nervous, it has been a few months since i used this program, etc’.
          Outright lying seems dumb: if programming is a core part of the job then you can expect some basic questions about it (if only to establish how complex your self-written programs used to be)

        2. SavannahMiranda*

          My partner works in your field. From time to time he skype interviews people and gives them coding tests and suchnot.

          I was appalled by one candidate, a women (I was rooting for her, I was so rooting for her) who it turned out was simply *GOOGLING* the questions he was asking her, and *reading off the answers* from the top two or three sites.

          Her voice and verbiage sounded fishy, and there were lots of ummmmms with typing. He couldn’t figure out what was going on until he googled his questions as he asked them, and watched as she read non-sensical, non-sequitur, weirdly phrased non-answers back at him.

          It was bizarre. To say the least. And she was not the most bizarre candidate he has had to interview.

          The experience gave me a lot more perspective into the hiring process. And why warm bodies with a modicum of common sense can end up hired.

      3. Casuan*

        Apple & Bagel are the kids of the Menu Résumé author. He wrongly listed them under “Condiments”* which meant he got rejected in the first round because as everyone knows children should be listed as “Add-ons”… “Side Dishes” is also acceptable.
        I gotta admit that I think the Menu résumé is funny, although it should be funny in the write-it-as-a-joke-and-never-actually-send-it sense of funny. Unless the job in question was to create menus…? Even then…

        Hmmm. I need to get out more. “Midheaven” is a new term for me.
        Busy day today & I can’t wait to read this post later to decompress!

        1. A tester, not a developer*

          I thought one used a condiment to *prevent* having children?

          …I’ll see myself out.

        2. LW No More Novels*

          Honestly, a midheaven sign is an Astrological deep cut. I only knew about it because I had a friend in highschool who was super into astrology and would make full charts for everything.

        3. selena81*

          maybe it could work if he applied as a cook at a not-too-posh place

          but in general i’d say funny resumees are only advisable in the creative sector (and even there only in jobs that specifically ask for ‘original-thinking’ candidates)

        1. selena81*

          those movies of girls pushing out baseballs need to get their actresses somewhere…

      4. Artemesia*

        People used to put a lot of personal info on resumes. I had a boss who listed his wife’s name (he was like ‘John Smith’ and he listed her as ‘Shirley Johnson’. He also listed his six kids. I assumed that she had kept her name although it would have been unusual for her generation (it was unusual for mine but I did it.). So when I addressed an invitation to them, I sent it to Dr. John Smith and Ms. Shirley Johnson.

        Turns out, that was her maiden name. She was amused; he was not the sort of person who would express insult or anything negative, but I did feel like an idiot.

        1. Specialk9*

          That was 1000% on him. I didn’t take my husband’s name, and while I wouldn’t put it on a resume, that’s exactly how I get the point across in other settings.

        2. selena81*

          you were not an idiot, the fault is with that weirdo and his inability to write his wife’s proper name

    3. Oxford Coma*

      Times when you should mention method of birth on your resume: when applying to murder Macbeth.

      Other times you should mention method of birth on your resume: none.

      1. Forking Great Username*

        Ahhhhh comment of the day right here! For me, anyways. But I’m teaching Macbeth right now, so I have some obvious bias.

    4. Totally Minnie*

      I got my first resume listing “Wife and Mother” as a job title this year. And I get it. Raising kids is a lot of work. But it’s not really relevant to the clerical position you’re applying for.

      1. Bryce*

        I think part of that may be the stress of “how do I list an employment gap?” I know it’s causing me quite a headache.

    5. Shamy*

      I once made mention of my breasts and struggles I had to overcome to breastfeed my children in my cover letter. The interview was full of tales of mastitis and poor milk supply due to hemorrhaging from a retained placenta…

      In my defense, the position was for a breastfeeding peer counselor that asked that counselors have personal experience breastfeeding and be able to recognize danger signs of complications in the mothers as this was an extremely low income area with poor access to prenatal care. Meeting with the peer counselors could be one of the only times some issues came up that would allow them to be urged to seek medical intervention.

      My interviewer and I actually laughed that we were talking about these things saying it was the one time you could ever imagine saying the words nipple and placenta in an interview.

      1. Landshark*

        I was so ready to cringe until I read the position title. I’m glad you and the interviewer were able to laugh about the unusual nature of the situation!

        1. Pomona Sprout*

          Yeah, at first I wondered “Why would somebody admit this at AAM?” Then I saw the job title, and, well…..

          1. Shamy*

            I figured people would be amused at the whole situation because I know I felt so weird mentioning it at all, but it was all definitely legitimate.

  3. Odyssea*

    Her name, degrees, marital status, religion, her husband’s names and degrees and her parents’ names and degrees. She didn’t have any experience in the field we were looking for (neither did her husband or parents).

    1. Future Homesteader*

      Hmmm. I know some of those things are common in other countries, but is there *any* place where parents’ degrees are common?

      1. Rhababerbabara*

        Yes, actually! Here in Germany, it was (and sometimes still is) a common question, especially for young candidates. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone listed their parents occupation and/or degrees on their resumes – although this question is, thank God, less and less common nowadays (and, if you ask me, kind of discriminatory, so I hope people get out of the habit of asking it. Also, it doesn’t tell you anything about the applicant or their qualifications, so why ask it anyways?)

        1. pay no attention to the man behind the curtain*

          Would this be a hold over from a time when children were expected to follow their parents professions…like, father was a mason, his father was a mason, and so forth going back several more generations…so there might be trade secrets that only the Braun family might know? I’m just trying to come up with a logical train of thought on this.

          1. Indoor Cat*

            Er, basically, imo, the prejudice is kind of intentional? Like, having well-educated parents as well as being well-educated yourself means you’re intrinsically smart / intelligent as opposed to “just” good at studying and passing exams. I’m not sure what kind of “-ism” you’d call it; I haven’t really come across it in the United States, I think, because there is such a high value of individualism here (which has its downsides too, but not being judged based on your parents’ careers is a definite upside).

            It is also common in South Korea, and has become controversial; South Korean president Moon Jae-in wants to ban discrimination based on family / ancestry like they ban discrimination based on race & gender, and make it unlawful to ask about parents’ education and careers in interviews. It has ignited a big debate. Which I appreciate, for what it’s worth; I do not believe smartness / intelligence is hereditary so much, and I think it’s just as good to work hard and study as it is to be naturally smart. But, that may be a very American viewpoint.

            1. Jules the 3rd*

              Well, my dad taught college biology, and used to have me take his tests to check if they were good or too hard. I know a lot more about haploids / diploids, genetics, latin, and multi-species anatomy than shows on any transcript. I have, however, forgotten how to breed the half-female / half-male fruitfly with different colored eyes and wing shapes.

              It has been useful sometimes, when talking to science-types. Was very useful when I was manager of a book store.

              1. Jules the 3rd*

                It should not, of course, ever be used to determine whether I’d be any good at a *job*.

              2. nonymous*

                My boss regularly sends my coworker home with work questions for her in-laws (they’re statistics professors, we’re a statistics group). I’m pretty sure in his mind that’s part of her skill set, access to Prof XYZ for consulting.

              3. BenAdminGeek*

                ” I have, however, forgotten how to breed the half-female / half-male fruitfly with different colored eyes and wing shapes.”

                First, you set the mood….

              4. Lone Rhino*

                “I have, however, forgotten how to breed the half-female / half-male fruitfly with different colored eyes and wing shapes.”

                You can honestly say that you have forgotten more about fruitflies that I will ever know.

            2. Adult Ed Professor*

              I agree this doesn’t provide any real information in how to evaluate a job candidate. However, intelligence is actually inheritable although there is regression to the mean. Intelligence does not equate to hard working

                1. Ali*

                  Truly, only a genius would be able to parlay something as fantastic as cheese buying into paid employment.

              1. Julia*

                But just because my parents never had the chance to go to university (after the war etc.), the interviewer shouldn’t get to extrapolate that I’m uneducated and dumb. This is classism.

                1. Ali*

                  Yep. My father has no formal qualifications and is an amateur astronomer and worked in aeronautics for decades. My mother went back to university and got a teaching degree in her early 30’s after topping all her highschool classes including the highest level maths class her school had. It’s 100% prejudiced to assume people are stupid because they don’t have a formal education and pretty creepy to be honest, given how much persecution is based on “who your people are”.

            3. Annabelle*

              I think the -ism you’re looking for is “classism.” We definitely have some of the “Jane’s parents are high school drop outs so she’ll probably drop out too” type stuff in the States, but it tends to manifest in a bunch of different ways.

            4. Djuna*

              I work with dude who spent 10 minutes filling me in on his family’s accomplishments during our first conversation, and sputtered when I asked him what I was supposed to take from that. I was hoping he’d twig that I found his “my superior genes” spiel fatuous, but no such luck.

              Spoiler: He’s not half as clever as he thinks he is. But boy howdy is he not shy about claiming to be brilliant.

            5. MM*

              That would be classism (selecting for longer-term family money and “accomplishment”), and we absolutely do have it here in the US; we just communicate it in a more informal/less paper-trailed way. Like if I were to apply for a job and, in the interview, upon hearing that one of my interviewers went to Wharton, mention that so did my father (he didn’t, I’m just creating an example). Or just even having gone to certain colleges or high schools (Andover, Hotchkiss, etc.), much like the Eton set in the UK, is often seen as a class indicator. Obviously the latter isn’t 100% certain, but people find other ways to figure it out (clothes, speech, swapping stories about ski trips, what have you).

              My mom works with a nonprofit that helps get kids stuck in bad school districts into scholarships at these prestige secondary schools in an effort to offer them access to a different trajectory, and over the years they’ve been running this program they’ve found they have to do more and more cultural support to help their alums succeed. Just getting yourself into an Andover isn’t necessarily enough if you don’t know how to navigate that environment, or you’re uncomfortable in environments your classmates will take for granted. At this point they offer support all the way into college for these kids because otherwise they end up really struggling.

          2. John*

            I always assumed that it’s a proxy for candidates’ work ethic and maybe cultural fit, not inherited intelligence per se. But either way, it’s discriminatory.

        2. John*

          Yup, I was taught in school how to write a resume, and it included parent’s profession. This was Germany ca. 2001. I believe you can leave this information off your resume today without a problem. On the other hand, HR still wants your CV to include a head shot, DOB and nationality.

          1. Jules the 3rd*

            I can sorta see ‘citizen or not’ because of work visa requirements, but the rest – no. Just no.

            1. HRH the Emperor Kuzco*

              It’s very common in the EU to include a head shot on your CV. Certainly took me aback when I was applying for a position in Europe. Most of my friends/coworkers who have done work there have mentioned it’s something that’s not even commented on.

          2. nonymous*

            When I was cleaning out Dad’s old paperwork, his CV included headshot, DOB, nationality (including heritage) and marital status! US ca. 1960

          3. mooocow*

            I live in Germany and have never heard this advice. If someone applied to our team and put their parents’ education in their resume, that would give us serious doubts. Not sure if it would be an insta-reject, but I can’t imagine anyone in their right mind doing that.
            I’ve also never included my birth date, but that is standard in Germany.

            I do include the head shot and people would find it very odd if you didn’t. I think that could cost you the job.

            1. She's One Crazy Diamond*

              Just curious, why is so important to include a photo and a red flag if you don’t? Does it make it seem like the person is hiding their identity if it’s a norm and they don’t follow it? I am glad that I know this now though, because if I was a hiring manager and had no idea including a headshot was normal in other countries I would probably have been judgmental towards the candidate.

              1. Julia*

                I always just thought it’s to put a face to the applicant and maybe see if they can dress professionally. And of course, to discriminate against people who the hiring manager deems too old or too un-German, but since that information is included in the resume anyway (name, date of birth), I’m not sure that’s it.

              2. MM*

                One of my old Spanish teachers, who’s from Venezuela, said that there a head shot was expected and it was pretty much meant to make it easy for employers to discriminate racially. I’m not sure if it was a super explicit thing, but the way she talked about it it seemed like if it wasn’t explicit, it was an open secret–something everyone knows and nobody says.

                1. attie*

                  Yeah, the cynic in me immediately went to “how else would you weed out the people who wear headscarves.” Since the courts have confirmed that that is perfectly legal to do and all…

            2. GermanCoffeegirl*

              Listing your parents’ professions on a CV used to be a thing you did when applying for an apprenticeship. After finishing your apprenticeship/job training (and applying for your first “real” job), you could omit that information. When I applied for apprenticeships in 1998, this was still normal, but as far as I know this is not supposed to be done anymore.

          4. Ace*

            I’ve been gainfully employed in Germany as a job counsellor since 2010 and can verify that you absolutely DO NOT include that information and it would be weird to do so.

            Yes to the photo, DOB, and nationality though!

          5. nay*

            Well, what they teach you in school is not always real life! I habe NEVER seen a CV that listed the parents’ professions. Maybe if you are in 9th grade applying for a 2 week internship but even if you apply for an apprenticeship after 10th grade, you wouldn’t list your parents names etc. Who does that?? (I live in Germany too… and yes, I remember that from school as well but that was, well, many years ago, it is NOT a thing anymore. I need to say that so the American readers don’t think we are loons!)

        3. Typhon Worker Bee*

          I mentioned that both my parents are high school teachers in my interview for my current job, which does a lot of work with educators and the school system in general – but it was in context, came up organically, and was NOT on any of my application materials!

          1. Mallory*

            Yes, I brought up the fact that my parents met at the school I now work at during my interview, but just as a friendly aside before I gave a serious answer to the question (“What do you know about X school?”).
            In my case it was the reverse of the prestige game mentioned in other replies… I have degrees from much fancier schools, and was worried that the interviewers would think I didn’t care about the less prestigious local school I was applying to work for.

      2. Bagpuss*

        Interesting. It’n not done here, although when I applied for a job where positive vetting was required I had to provide the names and dates and places of birth of my parents and grandparents and their nationalities. I can’t now remember (it was a long time ago) whether having a parent or grandparent who had not been a UK citizen from birth would have excluded me for consideration or simply resulted in more in-depth vetting. But even then they didn’t want their occupations, just where they came from.
        It also had fun questions about whether I had ever been a member of any terrorist organisation or been involved in trying to overthrow the government .
        I didn’t get the job, although not, as far as I know, because of the vetting!

        1. Angie*

          It sounds like that job had some sort of security clearance requirements. Those are typical questions when vetting someone for a background check.

          1. One of the Sarahs*

            Yeah, it’s standard background check things. Having parents born in a different country doesn’t rule someone out, but it might make the process a bit longer.

        2. Julia*

          Does anyone ever truthfully answer “sure, I’ve been a member of X and Y terror organisation”?

          1. Wintermute*

            in the U.K. it’s slightly different because some of the partied to the Troubles in Ireland are tied to legitimate political parties and there’s been a limited amnesty in other ways as I understand it and a lot of “supporter, but not fighter” types as well wh0 probably have either willingly or unwittingly supported or held nominal membership in a terrorist organization. It would probably disqualify you from holding a security clearance, but it’s not as unthinkable as other places.

    2. rosiebyanyothername*

      I read a resume recently that had the candidate’s religion listed… still very unsure as to why.

      1. Ella*

        Maybe they’re trying to tell you which holidays they’ll be unable to work on? (Not saying that makes it better, but hey, it’s a theory.)

      2. Angela B.*

        I’ve seen this a lot on older resumes from the south, usually in the context of the person saying they’re a member of such and such church. Also not uncommon for men to list the names of their wives and kids to prove they’re “family men.” Not sure if this is still common practice though.

        1. Anonymoosetracks*

          Yeah, I got one a few years ago from an older Mormon man- all facts I know because he listed his church affiliations, his wife’s name, the names of all of his children and their spouses, and the names and ages of all his grandchildren. It made me so, so uncomfortable.

        2. Ella*

          Can you imagine the letters to Alison if this was common practice? “Alison, I’ve been in the workplace a few years, but my lack of status as a ‘family man’ has been holding me back. After much effort, my wife is pregnant, with the baby due in September! Yay! Can I put the baby on my resume now, or must I wait until it is born?” I suppose you format it the same way you would a forthcoming degree.

            1. General Ginger*

              And if you don’t have names picked out yet, that clearly shows your lack of commitment to family man status.

        3. Kelly L.*

          I remember my dad’s resume from a job search in about 1989 or so. It had his height, weight, marital status and wife’s name, and number of children. I’m not sure if this was still a thing in the 80s, or if he was just stuck in the 60s still.

            1. Kelly L.*

              Well, my dad is nothing if not super super conservative (in the small-c sense, though also politically).

            2. Irene Adler*

              My Dad’s resumes from the ’60s had this stuff. He even included his parents info and the fact that both were deceased. AND, he included a rundown of bodily scars, marks, hair color, eye color, etc.

              1. Specialk9*

                What the even.

                I mean, people are still ALIVE from then, but it’s like an episode of Outlander where she has to snuggle antibiotics in her hem when she goes way back in time.

        4. Geillis D*

          I attended a talk by a self-proclaimed HR specialist who opened her talk with “Hi, I’m Petunia, wife of Vernon and mother to my darling Dudley and Prunella”, then went on to warn us of not including personal tidbits on your job interview. That was cringe-worthy in ways I haven’t thought possible.

          1. Lance*

            So she was basically saying ‘don’t do what I just did’? That’s… impressive, in its own way.

          2. wendelenn*

            I’m Geillis, widow of Arthur Duncan and widow of Mr. Abernathy and widow of Greg Edgars (Hmm, imagine that, widowed THREE times). . . and mother of Dougal MacKenzie’s child, though I’ve no idea where or when he is.

            (Hope I have your reference right, Ms D!)

            1. Annie Moose*

              Coincidentally just been rereading that particular series… (although I’m in the second book, where she’s either presumed dead or still Gillian depending on your timeframe!)

        5. PSB*

          One of the Protestant denominations common in the south used to have (might still have?) a rule that only men who had multiple children could serve in a particular lay leadership position in their local church- elder, deacon, something like that. My wife’s grandfather was permanently ineligible because my father-in-law was an only child, despite being a loyal, active member for decades.

          Might be irrelevant but that tidbit popped into my head when I wondered why someone would put that on their resume, so I thought I’d share.

          1. Plague of frogs*

            “Sorry, Jesus, you can’t be a leader in our church. You’re not a family man.”

            1. She's One Crazy Diamond*

              Actually, a lot of people who believe that Jesus had a wife and children point out that if he didn’t have a wife and children he probably wouldn’t have been allowed to be a rabbi and definitely would’ve been considered a weirdo.

              1. Specialk9*

                I mean, he would have ended up slaughtered by the Romans when they destroyed the 2nd Temple, or a slave in Babylon, anyway. Assuming his health held.

              2. Chinook*

                And that without children of hidden, people would have given him the side eye for encouraging the children to come to him (because some sins are both timeless and cross cultures).

          2. SadieMae*

            I know a guy who was the head of the local Promise Keepers chapter. (For those who may not have heard of PK, it’s an evangelical men’s support group where men encourage each other to be faithful husbands.) He’d been head of it for several years. Then it came out that he had also been cheating on his wife for several years. He and the wife divorced when she found out, and almost immediately afterward, he married the mistress (who was also a member of their church!).

            And the guy *stayed on* as head of the church’s Promise Keepers chapter. I kid you not. I always wondered how that worked. Did he tell the other members, “I do devoutly believe a husband should be faithful to his wife! And I stumbled, but now I’ve renewed my commitment to be a faithful husband. To my new wife. OK?”

            1. Julia*

              > an evangelical men’s support group where men encourage each other to be faithful husbands

              What the what? They need support groups for that??

            2. All. Is. On.*

              That’s exactly what he told the other members. And it’s exactly what he’ll tell them next time it happens.

            3. She's One Crazy Diamond*

              Christianity is a great religion for hypocrites and liars because if you get caught, you can just tell Jesus you’re sorry and everything is fine.

              Yes I know that’s not how it’s really supposed to work and that most Christians are not like that, but it does seem that a lot of people misuse their faith that way.

      3. ThatGirl*

        I played up my church connections once, when applying for a church-published magazine job. Seemed relevant then, but nowhere else.

        1. CoveredInBees*

          Seriously. It needs to be directly relevant. For a company that catered to parents of children the same age as my son, I mentioned that (after discussing all of my other qualifications) in a cover letter. In another application, you needed a strong working knowledge of Jewish theology and practices so I referenced active participation in my synagogue. Again, after listing other qualifications.

          1. MistressFluffybutt*

            I didn’t list it on my resume but when I applied to work for a yarn store I did mention that I have been knitting since I was 8, and that I also crochet and embroider. But I often field pattern help questions and I wanted to ask if there was a discount lol.

          1. ThatGirl*

            Thanks! I’m not really that religious, but happy Easter to you too! (Or Pesach if you are Jewish…)

            1. Specialk9*

              Thanks for saying this. My coworker wished us all a happy Easter, which is awkward because a third of us are Jewish. I wished him back a happy Passover, but it just made it weird and he clearly took it as a rebuke. There’s no good response I’ve found to default Christian holiday greetings that doesn’t sound either churlish or erasing.

              1. ThatGirl*

                I tend not to wish people happy Easter or anything because I don’t know your life, you know! Unless someone brings it up first. I’ve had customers wish me a happy Easter and I’ll say “you too”… I did wish one customer happy Passover, but only after she asked if a product was kosher with no leaveners!

                1. Kelsi*

                  “Have a great holiday!” seems to work better this time of year…I think because conservative Christians forget there ARE any other potential holidays right now, and so assume you mean Easter. I certainly have never gotten the huffy pushback that I get for saying Happy Holidays in December.

        2. PSB*

          I once had to hurriedly become a formal member of a church I’d attended for several years so I could apply for a job at a university affiliated with the church’s denomination.

      4. Hedgehog*

        In Indonesia, your religion is listed on your national identity card, and it’s asked on every single type of form you ever have to fill in. (There are only six legal religions in Indonesia; you’re required by law to belong to one of them, though it’s generally fine not to practice it.) Maybe the person was from somewhere like that?

        Or maybe the candidate had been previously applying for a job at a religiously-affiliated institution and forgot to take that line off?

        1. Observer*

          I think that the religion bit is the least weird, though the most inappropriate. The weirdest is the parent information, I think.

        2. No Green No Haze*

          That’s what I love about AAM: learning fascinating facts about cultural norms and unfamiliar business practices is almost as much fun as hearing horror stories about the fish microwavers and graveside-note-leavers.

          1. SometimesALurker*

            Agreed! And ideas that it seem completely bizarre become a little less bizarre in context, but even more interesting.

        3. Specialk9*

          My mouth is agape at the 6 mandatory religion options being on every ID. It’s like they’re trying to organize and encourage religious tensions.

          1. MM*

            A lot of Arab countries are like this too. I dunno if you’d have to list it on a job application, but it’d be on your ID. I think Pakistan is the same. Lebanon still doesn’t even have the option of a civil, non-religious marriage, which means if you’re marrying someone of a different religion you have to go to Cyprus or something to get it done. But in a lot of such places you can kind of guess anyway by the name, in a lot of cases (though it’s definitely not a sure thing–I met a Lebanese Christian who had the most Shi’a Muslim sounding name imaginable once, and he told me a lot of stories about misunderstandings due to his name).

            1. Chinook*

              That happens in Ireland too if you know the surnames. Turns out my mom and I were the oddball Catholics sporting a Protestant name when we would visit my dad’s family back home. I could see that causing confusion the first time we visited in the 70’s if my mom had turned down the offer to go to mass in Belfast.

        4. Cornflower Blue*

          Same in Sri Lanka. You have to give the office your religious affiliation and that’ll determine which holidays you are allowed to take off. I’m an atheist but had to put down ‘Buddhist’ just because atheist is not an option and I was at least raised Buddhist.

          1. Jules the 3rd*

            Yeah, this is kinda normal in the US South.

            It is Kinda Weird to run at the state level in, say, North Carolina, and not mention religion, except in some liberal pockets. It is also generally noteworthy when non-Christians run or win even at lower levels. I can think of some Muslims, Jews, Sikhs and Hindi who have won locally, but never an atheist, and very very few non-Christians at the state level.

            Hmmm – I never even checked my state rep, whose parents moved here from India.

            1. She's One Crazy Diamond*

              Even in national elections, the fact that the Kennedys, John Kerry, and Joe Biden are Catholic and Bernie Sanders is Jewish was a big deal. So I’m not surprised it would be an even bigger deal in southern states.

              1. Specialk9*

                Really? Definitely agree about JFK, there was question about whether the Pope would secretly pull his strings. (Again this was in living memory, but yegods it feels like something from the Dark Ages.)

                I didn’t know Kerry’s faith. And isn’t Joe Biden Jewish? (I thought he went to the temple with the rabbi who was spying on women in the mikveh / ritual bath.)

                Then again I laughed at a Protestant friend who was agonizing over whether to marry a Catholic by asking some pointed questions about the respective literalism vs symbolism of their ritual cannibalism. She married him, so it worked? But I may not be tuned into this.

                1. She's One Crazy Diamond*

                  Yup, Kerry and Biden are both Catholic. While Kerry was running for president, he ran on a pro-choice platform and the church he went to wouldn’t allow him to participate in Communion because he openly disagreed with his faith. I don’t think it was as big of a deal for Biden, maybe it would’ve been if he was president and not vice president, but he has definitely talked about his faith and how he holds certain beliefs personally but will not let that influence his policy since policy is supposed to be about what the country wants and not him.

                  I only care because I was raised Catholic, and while I am not practicing, I’ve met a lot of Protestant Christians and Jewish people alike who have said ignorant and bigoted things to me about it.

            2. Kallisti*

              There are seven states that don’t allow atheists to hold office, so depending on where you live it might actually be illegal for them to run. I’m just waiting for someone to challenge it in the supreme court…

        1. Coincidences*

          I have, on my desk right now, a Congressional fact book listing the same for all of the Federal legislators, in and among other information.

      5. Kelly George*

        I read one (years ago) that – as the cover letter – contained an 8×10 color photo of (what I assume was) the applicant with a controversial religious figure.

        It was a no for us.

      6. ReadItWithSpanishAccent*

        I see this A LOT, specially when receiving applications from South East Asia or the Indian continent. Rarely in African applications and almost never in European or American. But a good 80% of EA applications come with religion. They are specific (i.e., not just “Religion: Muslim” but “Religion: Muslim (Sunni)” for example).
        I don’t know if this is a thing in other countries but it makes me cringe. Religion do not belong in a resumé.

      7. GingerHR*

        This is information that is collected in Northern Ireland – businesses have to report on it every year. I don’t work there so I don’t know the full detail, but it’s more denominational about whether you are Protestant or Catholic rather than other religions, to make sure that there isn’t discrimination along sectarian lines.

        1. Specialk9*

          My husband used to work for a university, where on the one hand they were allowed to ask but NOT require demographic information, but on the other were *required* to report on that demographic data to the government to get funding. So when people didn’t tell them their ethnicity, say, they had to guess, using often racist assumptions based on their name or color of their skin. It made them feel SO shady, and mad.

          1. Cautionary tail*

            Years ago, at the end of the summer I was hired by a company that did this. I intentionally left the ethnicity section of the application blank so HR picked my ethnicity and they put a check in a box. In February I was called into HR for lying on my application about my ethnicity on the application. Apparently the HR person picked that I was Hispanic, and in the months since the end of summer, my deep tan faded so I no longer looked Hispanic. I explained that they picked my ethnicity, not me and they walked away from the inquisition with their tails between their legs.

            1. Ali*

              Wow. Even if you had been Hispanic, were they seriously questioning your identity on the basis of skin colour? That’s like saying a North Italian isn’t ethnically Italian because they can be blonde and blue-eyed. There are fair Hispanic people! That HR department just sounds like they’re begging for a lawsuit.

          2. Slartibartfast*

            Well that explains why I was once listed as Hispanic because I speak Spanish as a second language and had a tan.

            1. ReadItWithSpanishAccent*

              I am Spanish and I never know what to answer to be honest. Sometimes I can choose between “white” or “hispanic”, but sometimes I can choose between “white” and “Hispanic or Spanish”. I have asked several American colleagues and all have given me different answers, ranging from “You are European, so white of course” to “you should put Latino” and probably the most sensible one “you look white, so put white”
              To be honest, I don’t really understand what “white” is supposed to mean, either.

              1. whingedrinking*

                I once put down my nationality as “anglo-Canadian” and it triggered a demand from an onlooker that I explain why I didn’t just say “Canadian”. I said that in this context (it was information for a sociological study) I felt it made sense to distinguish between, at minimum, francophone and anglophone Canada, which have fairly significant cultural differences. The onlooker almost had a meltdown and insisted I was just “normal Canadian, like [him]”. Most likely because I’m Caucasian, speak English as a first language, and have two Caucasian parents who were also born in this country.
                So to me, that’s what white is – the defensive belief that hyphens are for *other* people.

                1. Chinook*

                  Are you kidding? I thought every “normal” Canadian atleast understood that there is a cultural difference between Anglos and Francos. You must have found the one who missed the news about 2 referendums?

                  As for me, I usually get to fill out multiple boxes because I am an immigrant,s daughter, an Anglo speaker as well as the descendent of French Canadians with a dash of Metis (but not status since that line was raised French and not Indian). I would laugh at the forms given by American head offices because “white” just seems wrong.

          3. Kelsi*

            We have this problem at the nonprofit where I work! We have to report racial demographics to our funders (because they want to support minority folks getting education and support in our field, which is great), but of course we can’t require people to report, which means a lot of uncomfortable “well it looked like X people of [Ethnicity], Y people of [Other Ethnicity], and I’m not sure about this person so put down Multiracial.”

            Like you said, it’s gross and requires us to make some pretty shitty assumptions.

    3. BIODATA is our resume back then*

      Back in the day, these are bought from neighbourhood stores to fill up when applying for jobs. They’re called biodata. Google images biodata and you’ll see samples- it literally is your biography lol
      -from an Asian country

    4. Hey Karma, Over here.*

      She was a crazy applicant, like I had never seen before
      listing names and dates and stats
      and god and home and more
      I could not interview her
      and I did feel awfully bad
      She had no skills that I required
      She did not have a chance
      (She had no talents I desired)
      Nor did her Husband or her cousins or her aunts.

      1. Clorinda*

        Ha, that took me a minute! I read it the second time with music and rhythm, and it’s great.

            1. SkyePilot*

              Oh! I JUST saw Pirates of Penzance this week. It makes sense now and fits quite nicely :)

              1. Decima Dewey*

                You’ll note that after Hebe accepts Sir Joseph Porter’s proposal, she immediately says he has to say “goodbye to your sisters and cousins and your aunts. Especially your cousins, whom you reckon up by dozens…”

    5. SavannahMiranda*

      Honestly that sounds…European? I briefly lived in the EU and considered for a while trying to enter the job market there. The things that are expected, required, or regularly put on CVs surprised and sometimes appalled me. Like one’s photo (for ease of age, gender, and race discrimination!) and marital status (just….no, why!?). But one’s parent’s names and degrees? Yeah that’s a little much.

  4. Queen of Cans & Jars*

    I hire a lot of entry level production workers, so I see all kinds of interesting things. Recently, I had one that read:
    Elaine Benes
    PTSD
    And went on to detail why she had PTSD and how she’s walked out of several jobs because of it.

    1. Wendy Darling*

      “Let me tell you about my ADA-protected disability and then explain in detail how it makes me an undesirable employee!” I wonder if she actually wanted a job or if she was just trying to tee up her discrimination lawsuit.

      1. Adereterial*

        I have a very good friend that has cerebral palsy – she needs some quite extensive adjustments to work. She used to mention it in her covering letters ‘to be upfront’ and really struggled to get interviews. She really wanted to work though.

        I convinced her to leave it out, and disclose only when offered a physical interview. She started getting interviews pretty quickly after that and landed a job shortly afterwards. She’s been there a year now.

        1. Indoor Cat*

          This happens a lot! I have two friends who are blind programmers / coders. I know nothing about the field of computer science, but I guess it’s about as easy to write code blind as it is to write code sighted– if you’re good at it, you’re good at it. All they need is a software thing so they can hear what’s on the screen.

          One of them it took forever to convince to leave the fact that he’s blind and prefers specific software accomodations out of his cover letter. In talking face-to-face, it becomes clear that he’s easygoing, the software is inexpensive and compatible with lots of things, and he’s a talented code-writer. But in the cover letter the request comes across as demanding or anxious, even though he didn’t intend it that way.

          And he was only convinced after the other blind CS student got a job right away and told him that exact advice– just don’t bring it up until the interview. Worked out fine.

        2. AnotherLibrarian*

          I also have a dear friend with cerebral palsy who had the same experience. Once she stopped mentioning it on cover letters or resumes, her interview rate went way up.

        3. Bryce*

          Yeah, this is a tough one. I’m almost obsessive about not tiptoeing around my depression and anxiety because, while I don’t want to go into situations having made it a “thing”, there was a time in my life where trying to handle it was made much worse by trying to keep people from noticing there was anything to be handled.

        4. laylaaaaaah*

          Yeah, I sent off a bunch of applications once where the forms were all ‘please let us know if you have any disabilities/other protected qualities! This will be kept completely secret from the hiring manager, it’s just for our equality records!’

          Once I stopped believing them, and stopped mentioning the fact that I’m hard of hearing (and also made it a lot less obvious that I was gay), like magic, I started getting job offers.

      2. NCKat*

        Years ago when I first started job-hunting while in college, most applications requested you to list any disabilities you had. I’m so thankful those days are gone (I hope!).

        1. Coincidences*

          Most applications these days include the federal form where you can disclose gender / race / disability but also can check of the “decline to answer” boxes, so at least there’s that.

          1. Wendy Darling*

            I participated in some hiring at a large company that had those forms and we never saw the applicants’ info. It went into some kind of HR data vault that was used for stats and never got to the people making the hiring decisions. As far as I know not only was it not offered to us, but there was no way for us to access it if we decided we wanted it.

          2. She's One Crazy Diamond*

            I always check the box that I am disabled but do not specify what my condition is. It’s a highly stigmatized mental illness but I am high functioning and the furthest thing from the grossly inaccurate stereotype most people have in their heads of my condition so I don’t feel safe telling anyone unless I know they personally have experience with it themselves. I wouldn’t check the box at all except that some jobs give preference to disabled people and since I experience discrimination because of it I do feel like I deserve that special consideration when employers are willing to.

            1. Specialk9*

              I’m sorry it’s so hard for you. Do employers not require proof of disability? Or can you just get a doctor/etc to say ‘they’re disabled’?

              1. She's One Crazy Diamond*

                A lot of times they do when they do preferential hiring. I have my doctor fill out a form with my diagnosis and only HR gets to see it, I never tell my manager or coworkers anything more than “I have a health condition that requires me to take more sick days than the average person” and I don’t consider it lying because my mental illness has a physical cause.

                1. Triumphant Fox*

                  Even if it was only psychological, this wording would be fine to me. I would never read this as lying and I don’t think you should ever have to share more than that.

    2. CanCan*

      Maybe she didn’t want the job but was required to apply for jobs to keep she employment insurance benefits.

      1. Queen of Cans & Jars*

        That thought did cross my mind, but I’ve had enough WTF applications cross my desk, that it’s entirely possible that she thought it was a good idea to put it in her application.

    3. Anon-ana*

      While conducting interviews for a heavily customer-oriented role, the question “A belligerent customer comes up to you with a complaint, how do you respond?” comes up. Now, I think the wording is awkward, yes, but….
      Girl starts talking about how when she was little her dad was an alcoholic and beat her and her mom. Just lays it right out there.
      She was not offered a job.

    4. Julia*

      At first I thought that maybe she thought PTSD was a thing like a PhD, but apparently I was wrong.

  5. HR Lady*

    Marketing admin role. 9 page resume. The first two pages detailed, in length, his career as a street hypnotist. It was a glorious full narrative. The other seven pages was a slightly more standard resume, but for each role/item was a sprawling, full narrative.

    Still though, two pages detailing his career as a street hypnotist. I mean, I think his hypnotism skills maybe worked because I have never forgotten that resume and I did spend a full twenty minutes reading through it, occasionally reading particular gems out loud to colleagues…

    I have seen some very, very odd things on job applications and resumes in my time but nothing has ever topped this.

      1. HR Lady*

        I have never, ever so much regretted the Data Protection Act as on that day. It was glorious, it really was. And to be fair, he had made an effort to link it to how it was relevant to a marketing role!

        1. Akcipitrokulo*

          Unfortunately I think the previous occupation would be unusual enough to qualify as identifying data! It’s a shame though :)

    1. Night Cheese*

      Two pages? Maybe he thought he could hypnotize you through the written word? Did you feel sleepy?

      1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

        That’s where I was going. Like the meter of the text would create a need to call him in your brain!

    2. Anion*

      I loved [Candidate]. He was much better than {Other Candidate]. I’m going to hire him again and again.

    3. No More Novels LW*

      So I’m not the only one who got a resume from a Magician!
      For a copywriting position, my candidate listed themselves as an entreprenur first, a Magician second, and a “Seeker of Knowledge” third (and a writer nowhere!). No education listed at all (not even at the highschool level) and experience was listed without an employer.
      The summary asserted that educational qualifications and work history were not as important as determination and decisive action.
      It turned out (in the cover letter) that all their work experience comes from a single (extremely sketchy) micromanaging small-business employer who left the country after maybe being involved in illegal activities (?!).

      We did not continue with the application after that, but it’s a shame I couldn’t introduce them to the astrologist or the indie filmmaker who applied. This candidate clearly has a story to tell and could use some direction.

  6. Is pumpkin a vegetable?*

    One lady listed in several places her experience caring for older “peppers.” I can only assume she meant people. That one still stumps me.

    Then there was the person who spelled their last name THREE different ways throughout their cover letter and resume.

        1. FoodieNinja*

          I looked at a colleague’s resume once (at her request). It had many issues, but the relevant one was that she listed, under skills, that she was “detailed oriented.”

    1. Ella*

      When you’re in the witness protection program, it can be hard to remember how to spell your new name.

    2. Turkletina*

      I know some people who spell their names several different ways seemingly on a whim. They’re almost all Arab, though. Not having vowels in your writing system gives you… a lot of options for transliteration.

      1. Observer*

        That’s actually not really true. Hebrew is similar, and while you’re going to see different transliterations, people who are not sloppy are consistent in which transliteration they choose.

        1. FCJ*

          I do see a lot more variation in Arabic names than Hebrew ones, though. I think part of it is that there’s a much longer tradition of transliterating Hebrew into English, so it’s more standardized.

          1. nonymous*

            I see it in people new to written English (not just Arabic) with a low education background. My working theory is that the English letters don’t really match up to the pronunciation in their origin language so there’s some combination of trying different ones out (to get people to say it right) with a good dose of “I don’t care, the English letters are wrong” plus “Why does it sound different coming out of the British aid workers’ mouth vs American?” and a profound lack of understanding regarding consistency in the printed word for legal documents.

            1. ReadItWithSpanishAccent*

              There is a standarized way of transcribing Arabic script to Latin, but it is not something that everybody learns. Also there are way more phonemes than graphemes for vowels in English, which makes Arab/Persian native speakers crazy. Think of “you” and “Saturday”. Those /U/ are very different! Thay is why may Arab native speakers write “Saterday”. So when they transliterate their own names, sometimes they are not sure of what vowel to use, or there isn’t a sound that truly resembles their name. A good example is a very common female name, Amina, than can be found written both as “Amina” or “Amena”. But it is not really an /i/ or an /e/ as we pronounce it there, so both transcriptions are as much correct as they are wrong.

              1. Nita*

                I know immigrants who must surely struggle to spell their name consistently… when you have to go to an agency in your home country to apply to immigrate to the USA, they decide how to transliterate your name into English. Some of the people doing this have very little clue how English names are normally spelled, and will take a very easy name and make alphabet soup with it. A good friend of mine has twice as many letters in her (fairly common in English) name as a result, and I have to double-check my phone contacts every time I try to write it down.

              2. MM*

                Yeah, I’ve noticed national variations as well. Like Egyptians seem to be convinced that the letter E in English is always pronounced as “ee,” so they use it in places that a native speaker might pick an I or a Y. People from the Levant seem to be less prone to this.

              3. Mad Baggins*

                True for many other languages as well! Japan has a pretty standard romanization system and people still misspell their own names. Thailand doesn’t have a standard transliteration method and the signs there were different every time!

                1. “Stephanie”*

                  I am from the US and my name is spelled “Stephanie”. When I have lived in Spanish-speaking countries, this was a problematic spelling, so I used “Estefaní” or “Estefania”. Locals often spelled it “Sthefany” if attempting to spell it in their idea of American English. And this is all within the Latin alphabet! It was not easy to re-find me in a registry based on my first name.

                2. Julia*

                  I go to grad school with a guy named Yuuki, with a long U, who spells his own names as Yuki and then complains that “all the foreigners” mispronounce his name on sight. Needless to say, he’s not my favorite person (he’s also sexist and hates foreigners).

        2. Specialk9*

          I’m sorry, Observer, but that’s not what I saw *at all*.

          In 5 minutes’ time I saw three different spellings for my town on the Israeli street signs (which have Hebrew, Arabic, and English transliteration). They were made by the same town planners, who presumably could have made multiple copies of the base sign, but instead made all these variations

          Even a super easy town like Akko / Acko / Ako / Aqo had this wild disparity.

          It was so weird, because English has all agreed on standard spelling of these towns, and Israelis have both the internet and native speakers everywhere.

          1. M Dubz*

            I am literally commenting for the first time ever to tell the story of the Post Office on Shopen Street. I was living in Jerusalem, and I get a package notification to pick up from the Post Office on Shopen Street. I have no idea where this is. I google it, nada. I ask other people in my study abroad program, nothing. I ask the director of the program, she has no idea. We finally, after several days, work out that it was actually the Post Office on Chopin Street, which is the street that the Jerusalem Theater is on, and that I would walk down about once a week. I go and get my package, thinking I have won. The next time I walk down that street, they’re closing the post office.

      2. Annabelle*

        Eh, it’s probably not on a whim. I’m Arab and my family has used a bunch of different name spellings over the years, and I’m pretty sure most of the American-born kids stuck to the one that was least frequently misspelled.

    3. Nita*

      Older Peppers. I choked on my coffee when I got to that one. I think this isn’t a thing in English, but in Russian that has some interesting associations.

      1. Is pumpkin a vegetable?*

        Yeah, for some reason I really latched on to that one. My dogs are longer pups or puppers, they’re peppers.

        1. Nita*

          I can’t!!! I mean, it’s commonly used to mean an older guy who doesn’t act his age, but there’s another meaning that has something to do with peppers resembling a body part… *runs away blushing*

          1. Specialk9*

            You mean a penis?

            So the pepper is a euphemism for a penis. Ah, ok, yeah I can see that a pepper kinda looks like a penis.

            Srsly, penises are normal. It’s ok to say penis.

            1. Mel R*

              There is a variety of hot pepper that is known for looking like a penis. Google ‘peter peppers’!

      1. The OG Anonsie*

        Nah, nowadays it’s referred to as Hansen’s disease and folks are referred to as patients. Calling people “lepers” is quite frowned upon.

    4. Garland not Andrews*

      I first read that as “older PREPPERS”. Wondered if she is an expert in getting granny & grandpop out to the bunker and keeping the supply of Depends stocked?
      Makes you think!

      1. Specialk9*

        I love that. I’m imagining them slowly shuffling down a concrete ramp into the bunker.

        Though now it’s morphed in my head into a cross between Kimmy Schmidt and Ravenous (the idyllic fields and forest French Quebec zombie film). It just got weird, I’ll admit.

    5. Djuna*

      My favorite one was the guy who talked about “having a friendly manor” in his cover letter. I read it before I’d had coffee and spent a few minutes wondering what his big house had to do with anything.

      It was for a role where his manner mattered far more than his spelling so we brought him to interview. He was charming and friendly in person, so we hired him. Never been so glad to have ignored a typo in my life.

    6. wendelenn*

      Older Peppers is my band name of the week if I ever convince some peers of my age to form a band.

    7. Jane*

      A friend had a CV written for her by the local job centre as part of a programme to get longterm unemployed back into work. They spelt her name wrong, and only provided her with paper copies.

  7. Poppy*

    Had a dude submit a 3 page resume which included his pb mile time on a treadmill. I’m a runner, and even I couldn’t bring myself to care.
    Also the used car salesman who put in the comments section of the application “I’m the guy for the job!” got an instant rejection. Write me a cover letter and explain WHY you are the guy for the job. Don’t just inform me of this (supposed) fact.

    1. Gorgo*

      Was it for a job that had lifting requirements in the job posting? I can almost see someone thinking “not only am I able to occasionally lift 30 lbs, I can run real fast while I do it!”

    2. RabbitRabbit*

      One applicant at the end of the resume had a couple of interests/hobbies; one was getting some medal in a national competition for weightlifters, in her age class.

      When she was dismissed for (among other things) hostility towards coworkers, it led to questions about whether she was taking certain ‘supplements’ that might cause anger issues.

      1. Delta Delta*

        I also got a resume that included a weightlifting title! I found it very interesting, as it was also coupled with some other very detailed facts about the candidate (none of them went together at all) that I shall not list in case she reads this. She turned out to be very nice.

      2. Specialk9*

        One of my coworkers is a competitor weight lifter, and is the nicest person. I’m imagining this version of her resume now and chuckling.

    3. caligirl*

      One resume listed various hunting trophies/accomplishments over the years. What if I were a animal rights activist?? I’m not an activist but an animal lover and it did bother me. We didn’t hire him, and I can’t remember if we interviewed him or not but he was qualified.

    4. Delta Delta*

      I love this. I’m a runner too, and I’m thinking that my pb on a treadmill is whatever I set it to and not fall off.

    5. Totally Minnie*

      I had one a couple months ago where a guy included a list of his hobbies, including watching baseball on TV.

    6. The OG Anonsie*

      I’m on a message board where a user became notorious for refusing to date men who had mile times she considered inferior. Not bad, they were good IIRC, but not good enough for her standards of how fast you should be if you’re a regular runner.

      Any reason’s a good reason not to date someone but that’s definitely unique heh

  8. Yamikuronue*

    Not a resume, but we do a lot of interviewing out of our local tech boot camp, and in the first lightning round, someone mentioned they’re a magician. We brought them in for a full interview based solely on “but wouldn’t it be cool? He could do magic tricks around the office!”

    (He got scooped by another company).

    1. Ennigaldi*

      My small team at my last job had an opera singer (tenor), a playwright, a former ballet dancer, a violinist (me) and a former high school marching band clarinetist. We could have put on a whole talent show by ourselves.

      1. Prague*

        My organization DOES put on a talent show. Every year, I actively avoid it like the plague.

    2. GG Two shoes*

      My husband just ‘graduated’ from one of those boot camps/code schools. He got 5 offers and the other students also had multiple offers. He was in the first class and I hope desperately that it continues. It’s so underrated! Best gamble we took by being part of that code school.

        1. Nines*

          I had a friend that did this and she was also hired quickly. It’s kind of like a certificate program…? But I don’t think you get any sort of certificate. They just teach you how to code in a short amount of time so you can go get a tech job.
          However, this is all based on second hand information, so I could easily be wrong.

      1. Specialk9*

        A friend did a code boot camp too. She worked with horses, which was hard on her body and kind of dead end, and now makes what she calls “stupid” money, as a coder. I’m glad for her.

      2. Career Changer*

        Please list the boot camp school! I’m currently deciding which one to go to!

    3. Sydni*

      I interviewed someone who had listed “balloon artist” listed as part of their previous work experience. It turned out that he made balloon arches for weddings and dances, not balloon animals, like I’d hoped. He did get hired based on qualifications and interview — not balloon skills, but that definitely made his resume stand out!

      1. Specialk9*

        I’m not sure there’s any artistry in attaching a bunch of balloons to a wire structure. That’s kind of ridiculous of him.

        1. LS*

          There can be if you’re designing the arches – and it takes a lot of attention to detail and good planning and time management!

  9. Gaia*

    I wish I could just show you the whole thing. It was like an essay. He told us he never “ceased” opportunities and he discussed for two paragraphs how he was the first male worker at a tanning company.

    But the best part is it ended by talking about his alcohol handling license which at first you print off and later they send you a wallet sized version.

    1. miyeritari*

      I also have an alcohol handling license. I can handle it directly into my mouth. In reasonable quantities, even! (That’s advanced alcohol handling.)

      1. Murphy*

        Isn’t it better to accomplish more though? Shouldn’t I handle large quantities of alcohol?

    2. Chameleon*

      Wait, that specific fact about the license made it on to the resume? I…can’t even begin to imagine that thought process.

      1. Catalin*

        This person sounds like a ‘splainer. Like, ‘Yes, I made coffee today. You need to measure out the ground beans in the little cup, then put it in the filter so the hot water can run through it.’
        “Oh, those reports you’ve been working on? They’re printed on TNR –that means ‘Times New Roman’…”
        “Of course I’m a social media specialist; I have a Facebook page and…Facebook is social media, you know that, right?”

        1. MsChanandlerBong*

          You are reminding me of what it’s like to talk to my father on the phone. Most people will just tell you they finished a project. Not my dad. By the time you get off the phone, you know what size screws he used, how he chose the lumber, how many brush strokes it took to get the stain on the wood, and so forth. Sometimes I want to scream, but then I remember that someday I will wish he was here to spend 20 minutes telling me about building a fence around the garden to keep the deer out.

          1. Typhon Worker Bee*

            Heh, my parents’ neighbour is like this. If you ask him how his vacation was, he’ll tell you everything that happened in chronological order, starting with the train to the airport.

        2. AMT*

          Setting aside the gendered aspect of mansplaining, my absolute least favorite thing at work is when people don’t have a filter for minute details of mundane things and/or can’t organize details in the right order. Right now, I’m dealing with a patient’s son who feels the need to explain his father’s entire life story at the top of his voice at a rapid clip to every staff member without letting anyone interrupt him for any reason. Where another person would say, “My father was at Forest Hospital for a week in January after a bad fall,” this guy is like, “My father was at a very good hospital. Its name is Forest Hospital. The phone number is 123-456-7890. When I heard that my father had fallen in his apartment on January 6, I was at the doctor’s office with my mother, who was receiving physical therapy for her ankle, which she broke on December 2nd. I got a phone call during my mother’s appointment from my brother, who said that my father had fallen in the apartment and couldn’t get up. First, I dropped off my mother at her apartment. Then, I went straight to Forest Hospital. The nurse said…”

          1. Plague of frogs*

            After my FIL had a stroke, my MIL called me to tell me how he was doing. At least, that’s what I wanted her to tell me. What she actually spent 20 minutes telling me was the whole history of the morning he had the stroke, including what she had for breakfast (yes, really). She finally ran down and said goodbye, and I was like, “Wait!!!! How is FIL doing?”

            1. AMT*

              “Don’t be silly — you don’t need specific information! What you need is a specific *quantity* of information!”

            2. whingedrinking*

              My mother once began a phone call to me with, “So I went to a cardiologist because my GP was worried about my heart – ” and then digressed for five minutes until I had to prompt her to tell me if she was dying or not. (For those of you saying, “She must have been fine or she’d have cut to the chase” – my mom’s been known to seriously bury the lede when relating information about car accidents, broken bones and dead pets, so I don’t see why her own potential mortality should be exempt.)

          2. Nanani*

            Such people (I have some in my family) make me wish there was a TL;DR for spoken interactions.

        3. Sarah*

          As my father-in-law says about my mother-in-law, “You ask her the time and she tells you how build a clock.”

    3. LostInTheStacks*

      I’m really stumped by “ceased” opportunities. What word was he even trying to use there?

      1. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

        Wonder if he meant he ‘seized’ opportunities? I had to decipher a lot of this back when I was teaching English Comp and had a dyslexic student. He used spell check but couldn’t figure out the right word, so it took some doing to understand his papers…

        1. Grandma Mazur*

          A local councillor in the UK once tweeted that he hated aborigines… Turned out he meant aubergines.

          1. MJ (Aotearoa/New Zealand)*

            Or the landlord in Australia who put an ad in the paper for his property saying “No Asians”… it was supposed to say “No agents”.

          2. Specialk9*

            Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

            Hating eggplants is a-ok. Hating much-mistreated native Indians is so not!

        2. Mallory Janis Ian*

          But he said he NEVER ceased opportunities, so he couldn’t have meant seized (he would want his interviewer to think he was seizing all the opportunities, right?). I think he was missing a word? Like, he never ceased *pursuing* opportunities?

          1. MassMatt*

            Maybe he meant he never ceased seizing opportunities?

            So, he loses points for both leaving words out and a double negative construction?

      2. Totally Minnie*

        I’m assuming he wanted to say “I never give up!” But he Joey Tribbiani’d it and found some fancier words in the thesaurus.

        1. LostInTheStacks*

          Ohhh, that’s a definite possibility. I was assuming he had meant a word that sounded kind of like ceased, but mashing together some thesaurus options could result in that.

  10. kbeers0su*

    I was hiring for a university position (residence hall director) and we had someone apply who listed a number of licenses for operating submarines and boilers and other things I didn’t totally grasp. Totally awesome, but in no way applicable to running a residence hall.

    1. Queen of Cans & Jars*

      They probably figured that if they could operate a submarine, running a residence hall would be a piece of cake!

      1. Wintermute*

        lots of experience with people living in close quarters together, with no escape and under high pressure… I can see the relevance for sure

    2. CmdrShepard4ever*

      But when the poles melt and we are all under water you are going to wish you hired that person to save you in his submarine, and if it was an old building did the residence hall have its own boiler for heating purposes? He could have fixed it if it ever went down and the University engineers were not on campus.

    3. Glowcat*

      submarines and boilers? This guy must have an interesting life :) I wonder if the boiler is in the submarine, or the submarine in the boiler…

    4. many bells down*

      I didn’t even realize a submarine license was a thing. Do you have to take a driving test to get it? Cause I feel like if you fail that, the consequences are a bit more dire than running into a mailbox in a car.

    5. Emmie*

      Submarine operation could mean former military / Navy to me. People generally have a hard time translating military to civilian experience. I hope that changes soon.

      1. Retired old coot*

        My DH is a retired submariner, and yes, there are boilers on board submarines. He didn’t work on them, but they are there. I’m guessing the submarine ‘license’ was the guy’s qual card. In order to wear the insignia that shows the world a person is qualified to serve on submarines, they first must learn the operations of the entire boat in addition to the operations in their own rating area.

    6. Totally Minnie*

      We once had an applicant who was really, really proud to be a certified Notary Public. In the email where he submitted his resume and cover letter, he included a PowerPoint about how useful it would be for us to have a notary on staff. Nothing about the job in question would ever come close to a situation that would require a notary.

      1. Former Admin Turned Project Manager*

        I put my notary commission on my resume (it’s amazing how popular it’s made me at the office, but mostly because it saves people having to go to the bank when they sign a new PoA or something). I’ve never created a presentation about it, though, even when I was getting a job in the Legal Department.

    7. Oiselle*

      A recent applicant for an entry-level office job at the nonprofit where I work wrote in his application, “Just Google me”. As if I wasn’t already going to. The candidate did not get an interview.

  11. Starryemma*

    This was a position aimed at university students. A student applied, and in the application where she had to select an option, instead of using an X or check mark, she filled in the blanks with hearts <3.

    1. Nieve*

      This for some reason reminds me of Ron Weasley’s short-lived girlfriend… Was her name something like Lavender? I feel like this is totally something she would do *gag*

  12. Leela*

    NAME
    “Mr. Fibble, King of the Potato People”

    Objective

    Resume body.

    It wasn’t for a comedy, social, or writing position.

    We also had someone with a languages section and they wrote “Pirate”. We only called because we were desperate and his work was in line with what we needed. We made him an offer but I’m worried that might have enforced his decision here. We asked about it in the phone screen and he confirmed that it meant talking with a lot of “arrr”s:/

    1. Your Weird Uncle*

      I work at a university and there is a guy who works nearby who always wears a leather pirate hat and a t-shirt featuring pirates of some sort (like a Pirates of the Caribbean type shirt). I….guess he just loves pirates?

      My coworker was passing him the other day in the student union and she just growled ‘Aaaarrrrrrrr’ at him when he was within earshot. It must have made his day, as he got a big smile on his face!

      1. TardyTardis*

        At work, someone put up Scurvy Dogs and Salty Wenches signs on the restrooms for Talk like a Pirate Day. The first year, they were taken down fairly rapidly, but the next year, they were allowed to stay up all day.

    2. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

      Mr. Flibble, King of the Potato People is a reference to Red Dwarf, a somewhat obscure BBC sci-fi comedy, and belongs nowhere near a resume.

      1. Ama*

        Yeah that sounds to me like someone either had a joke played on them or did it as a joke for themselves while they were drafting the resume and forgot to switch it back.

            1. Librarygeek*

              I don’t know if this applies, but Comic Sans is one of the few dyslexia-friendly fonts that comes standard on PCs.

    3. Bea*

      Eeeeh I know someone heavy into that and I understand the hesitation. I’ll confirm he’s quirky but a darn good worker. So I hope your guy is just quirky too!

      He’s super jolly and always reliable because if you’re not, you risk walking the plank…yeeeeah.

    4. Akcipitrokulo*

      I’d be tempted! But would feel obliged to point out that Mr Flibble was an assistant to the King of the Potato People, not the King himself.

    5. Amy Farrah Fowler*

      I speak pirate… Exactly one day a year. September 19th is Talk Like A Pirate day and I choose to celebrate it with enthusiasm! However, I would never put that on my resume.

  13. Sabrina*

    We had someone apply for a field biology job with a lengthy section explaining while he didn’t have any of the qualifications we wanted he had been a dog walker during high school, basically the same thing as a BS in a related field.

    My manager walked around the office reading it outloud to people.

        1. The New Wanderer*

          And child psychologist! And chauffeur, personal assistant, food prep master, etc etc etc. Think of the possibilities!

        2. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

          I was pregnant for a year and a half of a 3 year period. I’m definitely qualified to be an OBGYN.

        3. laylaaaaaah*

          I literally had people apply to be teachers on the basis that they’d had kids. Like, yes, sure, you can handle little David and Suzy just fine, but thirty kids? With a huge variety of needs and temperaments? Probably all screaming at once at least once a day (if a nursery nurse)? Um…

          1. whingedrinking*

            It gets worse: there are people who say they’re sure they could be a teacher because they’ve been to school. Which is like saying you could be a chef because you’ve been to a restaurant. Or a doctor, because you’ve been hospitalized.

      1. Mrs. Fenris*

        You don’t even want to know how many people ignore their vet’s advice and choose to listen to their breeder, the guy at the pet store, or their friend who has owned dogs for 30 years. Because that’s the same as a DVM, more or less, right?

        1. myswtghst*

          Oh god, this. I was planning to be a vet, got my degree in Zoology, and worked at 2 veterinary hospitals, an animal shelter, and a zoo, yet I still call my vet for anything beyond the basics, because that is their job.

          (Granted I’m sure all of the above makes my resume / LinkedIn an entertaining read, as they include my degree in Zoology and experience as a zookeeper, which I always get some questions about in interviews for the corporate training jobs I now work.)

      2. The OG Anonsie*

        Oh man this reminds me of the My Brother, My Brother, and Me bit where they talk about trying to become a marine biologist with no qualifications.

        “What prepares you to be marine biologist?”
        “Nothing.”
        “Nothing?”
        “Nothing. I don’t like water and I’m scared of fish, let’s get this done. Let’s talk some shit about otters. I got an underwater microscope, c’mon. It’s science. Where’s a whale at?”

  14. ZSD*

    Some friends who owned a small business had someone who was actually crazy repeatedly apply for positions with their company. Her resume said, “Arrived in Florida two weeks too late to prevent the Challenger disaster.”
    (To be clear, she wasn’t an engineer. She just believed she had special powers.)

    1. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

      I’m curious why her special powers wouldn’t have worked outside of Florida? Special powers with restrictions within state lines? As a former Floridian, I will bet she stayed there.

    2. Yorick*

      So, she heard about the explosion and then two weeks later went to FL? Or she was trying to go to FL to prevent it but was delayed by TWO WHOLE WEEKS? I’d like to hear the story of what held her up for those two weeks.

    3. Lindsay J*

      Oh god, this reminds me of a boss I worked for who believed they prayed a hurricane away from them.

      Also, they prayed ants away from their house. and for the Giants to win the superbowl.

      I wanted to ask why, if they were able to pray the hurricane on a path that lead away from them, they couldn’t just pray it away entirely instead of sending it to ruin another state instead, but, as they were the owners of the company I worked for I decided that was not a wise idea.

    4. Sarah M*

      Any chance she’s related to the school custodian who kept putting voodoo curses on her co-workers?

  15. Chai*

    The IT guy with the “Confidential” employer makes me wonder how people who truly do confidential work (like, CIA employees) handle their resumes when they’re job searching.

      1. Ophelia*

        And I’m pretty sure that while most CIA employees handle classified *material*, the actual fact of their employment isn’t a secret (I once nannied for a family where one of the parents worked there). I suspect the subset of employees who can’t even name their employer is quite small.

        1. Antilles*

          I suspect the subset of employees who can’t even name their employer is quite small.
          Not only that, I’d guess even those employees just list some innocuous and vague department/title – “Department of Defense contractor” or “Department of Homeland Security representative” or whatever.

            1. Anion*

              He has a small private practice, he only has the one client. But that client insist on hearing bad news immediately.

            2. Bryce*

              My grandpa worked for the mob as an accountant. Apparently it was great for his reputation when he went into business on his own because “the mob doesn’t use second-best accountants.”

      2. missparker*

        i believe there is a generic phone number to call where you can give their name and they’ll verify that someone was an employee there and that’s about what you get.

    1. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

      I would assume either fantastic networking or the higher-ups have a set policy about what you can/can’t disclose and how you should phrase things.

    2. stitchinthyme*

      I wondered the same. My job is sort of like that, in that I’m not allowed to disclose the specifics — they didn’t even really tell me much about the job until after I started working. The one time I had a job interview since I started working here (it was an opportunity that kind of fell into my lap), I just talked about what I do in general terms — since I’m a software developer, I could talk about the languages and tools I use, and generally describe what I do without getting into the specifics. It also helps that I live in the Washington, DC suburbs, where there are a LOT of government-contracting jobs that require clearances, so this sort of thing is not at all uncommon.

      1. OtterB*

        Heh. Yeah. We live in the DC area, and when my daughter in college in Illinois began dating a guy who was in an active military reserve group doing investigative sorts of things, he seemed to expect that being unable to talk about his work would be a deal-breaker as it had apparently been with previous dates. She was like, nope, DC, totally normal.

      2. periwinkle*

        My father, who worked for a defense contractor, was not allowed to tell me what he did for a living (beyond a generic description) because I didn’t have a security clearance. He was required to notify The Powers That Be of any plans to leave U.S. territory, even for a number of years after he retired. Life in D.C. is weird.

    3. Rusty Shackelford*

      We had an applicant who refused to discuss any of his previous work because it was “confidential.” Not that he wouldn’t provide samples, but he wouldn’t even talk about his role. Like, okay, we’re not asking you to share the content of technical reports, we’re just asking if you have written one. Ever.

    4. JKM*

      I work in information security, and I see resumes from folks who’ve done confidential/secret work fairly frequently. They’ll typically talk about the work in a generic sense (e.g. “responsible for penetration testing of web applications”; “developed network security analysis framework”, and so forth) and in interviews explain that they can’t talk specifics. It can make digging into details difficult, but as long as the rest of the experience checks out, and as long as they can talk more generally about the work and experience cogently, it’s usually ok.

      But I’ve never heard of the actual agency being confidential. I’d be very surprised if that’s legit.

    5. Hedgehog*

      For the entry-level jobs: you’re given vague-but-mildly-informative text to put on your resume. Most people in the field will know what these lines mean (as in “X doesn’t actually mean X, it means that NSA internship”).

    6. Combinatorialist*

      I had a job with a high level security clearance and before we left (it was an internship so it was expected), we had the resume listings of the job reviewed. While you can’t talk about the classified aspects of the work (obviously), we were able to give vague descriptions about improving performance metrics and stuff.

    7. LBK*

      I had a boss who was a former CIA agent! You get a heavily, heavily sanitized version of their skills and experience, and they can’t really give you any specific examples of anything in the interview.

    8. PersephoneUnderground*

      They write the best resume they can without disclosing classified specifics and worry a lot about if it’s ok. And try to apply with people who have some idea of the kind of work they probably did due to industry familiarity without having to disclose. And re-write their resumes repeatedly very carefully. (At least my husband with a security clearance at a government contracting tech company did it this way.) Theoretically places like that have a system to have your resume reviewed to make sure it doesn’t break the rules, but at least at my husband’s company it wasn’t usable because when you submitted your resume to the security people, they then would *give it to your manager to review for security breaches*. So of course no one could actually use that system without their manager knowing they’re searching, which made the whole process a joke. There were other parts that didn’t work as well, so the policy seemed like it was just for show to me. Anyway…

    9. hbc*

      I worked for the CIA, and it’s been on my resume. Same for my parents. Even though we worked with classified materials (me to a lesser extent–it was a summer job riding on their background checks), the fact of our employment wasn’t a secret.

      If your affiliation is classified, you have some sort of cover job which can trace back to the right references and skills/claimed experiences/etc. I think most people who go all in like that, though, tend to stay in government where maybe you can’t exactly say you were a spy or whatever, but there’s probably some understanding of what that “State Department” job really was.

      And I suppose if your cover was really so deep that you worked at the bakery outside the Kremlin, you probably *are* qualified to work as a baker and Sergei will give you a great reference.

      1. zora*

        My favorite is our neighbor growing up in the DC suburbs who said he worked for the State Department, but went back and forth to Moscow a LOT from 1989-1991. I am still convinced he worked for the CIA, but my dad is always, “No, he ACTUALLY worked for the State Department!” Uh huh, sure he did…..

        1. Naptime Enthusiast*

          That’s how I feel about our family friend in Langley VA built like Mr Incredible.

    10. LostInTheStacks*

      Not job search related, but I know a guy who works as an archivist with the CIA. (That’s not a euphemism–it’s really a standard archives job, like most federal or educational institutions have.) The bummer is that part of his job is making a lot of exhibits on CIA history… but so many of the documents are classified that no one except CIA employees ever see them!

    11. an infinite number of monkeys*

      “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

      “Can you maybe just give me a hint and rough me up a little?”

    12. drpuma*

      Friend of a friend works for the FBI. Socially-speaking, his job is that he….works for the FBI. And has to travel for work a lot.

    13. Decimus*

      It is less common now but back in the day you’d get a cover job. So the resume would say bureau of weights and measures, assigned to Afghan markets (dates being during the soviet invasion).

    14. FrontRangeOy*

      They have an unclassified version. The one unclassified version of a confidential resume I’ve seen listed a plausible series of low level GS jobs at a sister agency. Technically, the unclassified version was true in that the individual had done training in those jobs and had spent 3 or so months doing the job they stated on their resume. It was enough to get past a check of references and not over promise a potential employer about their skills and experience.

    15. Trill*

      My grandmother was a CIA analyst. Her official cover was that she worked for the State Department (she’s passed away, so the general information regarding her position is no longer classified). If she’d moved onto a non-intelligence agency job, she would have had references and such associated with her cover to put her resume.

    16. On Fire*

      I’ve joked before that my dream job is “ninja assassin,” except that I’m too clumsy. This makes me want to include that in my goals/“where do you see yourself.”

      1. Specialk9*

        I woke up this morning and everything was different
        Something was strange in the air
        I woke up this morning and everything was different
        I knew that the ninjas had been there.

        I looked all around my bedroom, underneath the dresser,
        Behind the bed, but nothing could be found
        There was nothing left behind them,
        nowhere that I could find them,
        No fingerprints or crumbs on the ground.

        The ninjas are deadly and silent.
        They’re also unspeakably violent.
        They speak Japanese, they do whatever they please.
        And sometimes they vacation in Ireland.

        The ninjas are deadly and silent.
        They’re also unspeakably violent.
        They speak Japanese, they do whatever they please,
        And if you tear off their masks they’ll be smiling.

    17. The_artist_formerly_known_as_Anon-2*

      There was a couple arrested here the other day – who had a large cache of weapons. They called the police because they thought the lock on their motel room had been broken.

      When the police saw an arsenal of assualt weapons, high-cap mags, bump stocks, and so forth they began asking questions and the couple said they were on a “secret government mission” and if they told the local cops anything they’d have to fill out an enormous amount of paperwork.

      Needless to say – the police didn’t buy it – they took the couple AND their stash of weapons into custody…

    18. Actual Australian*

      It’s interesting because a family friend of ours is in the SAS (special forces in Australia) and a large part of his training is deflection. Not even his family knows where he is when he gets deployed or when he might be back. When you ask him a question about it, he gives an answer that sounds like he’s telling you but when you think back you realise that he gave you nothing and shifted the conversation in a way that felt totally natural. Should he go for a civilian job, I have no doubt that he could do an excellent job of explaining his experience without giving a single indication of what he has been doing with special ops. It’s bloody incredible.

      1. Anonicat*

        I dated one of those guys. The deflection and manipulation skills made it an…interesting experience.

    19. Imaginary Number*

      So this is actually really common for people who work on unacknowledged stuff and in those career fields it’s pretty well understood why someone’s resume might be quite vague on specifics. But even if the specifics have to be vague, the nature of the job doesn’t have to be. The fact that someone was a project manager, managed a team of twelve employees, was a teapot consultant, did IT work, whatever, is usually okay to disclose. The fact that they were actually working on laser spy teapots wouldn’t be.

      I guess it might be hard if someone was trying to change to a career field that never ever had to deal with that stuff.

      1. InDefensible*

        A friend, like me, worked for a defense contractor. He applied to Google and while he couldn’t show or discuss much of what he’d done for the contractor, Google gave him a project of sorts so he could prove he knew his stuff. He got the job.

        My job is similar. I can tell you what types of projects I work on but I can’t show a potential employer anything. If that potential employer doesn’t at least try to understand the situation, I figure I’m getting some insight into how that employer treats employees.

  16. JLE*

    Not exactly on a resume, but I received a cover letter where a person quite seriously signed off with “May the Force of the Lord Jesus Christ Be With You”. We’re a social services organization that falls under a religious umbrella, but our work is in no way explicitly religious and our employees are from varying faith traditions (or none at all). This guy did not get an interview, but I’ll remember him always.

    1. Snarkus Aurelius*

      I work in government, and we were hiring a position to oversee compliance with a federal law. The word “officer” was in the job title because that’s how it’s listed in state and federal laws. Officer in no way means a police officer or security guard.

      We had one guy apply whose resume had references to his Christian faith all over the place. He was former military, and clearly he thought this job was protecting something. In his cover letter, he mentioned that he loved the Lord and that he wanted to defend America and kill terrorists.

      Telling me you want to kill people isn’t a good way to get hired in my book.

        1. Aitch Arr*

          “and with your spirit”

          Never heard that one, but my church-going experience is admittedly limited!

            1. Aitch Arr*

              Ah. I was last in a Catholic Church in 2005.

              Apparently the Episcopalians still use ‘and also with you.’

              1. Garland not Andrews*

                Depends of if you are Rite I – older, more formal. “And with thy spirit.”
                or if you are Rite II – new with the 1979 prayerbook, and less formal. “And also with you.”

            2. Merci Dee*

              That’s okay — the United Methodists still use “And also with you” as part of our communion liturgy. In fact, that’s kind of a helpful hint among the UMCs I’ve attended — if you’re trying to get a group to settle down before a church function or presentation and they won’t respond to the typical shushing and hushing that people tend to do, you can just speak calmly into the nearest microphone, “The Lord be with you” . . . and it’s like magic. Automatic response — “and also with you”, and everyone hurries into their seats so the program can start.

              1. BenAdminGeek*

                I’m trying this at the next church meeting I attend. Probably shouldn’t try it out during Easter service though…

              2. Alex the Alchemist*

                I also like the, “God is good!” Response- “All the time!” way of getting people to be quiet

                1. Merci Dee*

                  And then don’t forget to flip it around ….

                  Pastor: God is good….
                  People: ….. all the time.
                  Pastor: All the time…..
                  People: ….. God is good.

              3. Anonicat*

                My friend’s toddler indicates that grace has been taking too long by interrupting with a hearty “Amen!”

            3. Annabelle*

              Huh, that’s so odd. I’ve been to Catholic masses at least 7 or 8 times since then and everyone here still uses “and also with you.”

          1. Detective Amy Santiago*

            They changed church a few years ago. I don’t go often and it always throws me.

          2. not really a lurker anymore*

            The Catholic Church redid a lot of the Mass parts 5-10 years ago. One of the changes swapped “And with your Spirit” with “And also with you.”

      1. reformedcatholicschoolgirl*

        I accidentally respond this way when someone says “may the Force be with you”

        You can take the girl out of the Catholic school but you cant take the Catholic school out of the girl…

    2. stitchinthyme*

      I once had a prospective employer respond to an email from me with something to the effect of “You’re in my prayers”…totally put me off the job. (I did end up reconsidering when they called me back a few months later…thankfully, he never brought religion into the workplace, though we did have some lively debates.)

      1. Callie*

        The joke among my Rite II-going Episcopalian friends is “May the fourth be with you… and also with you.”

    3. Drago Cucina*

      Reminds me of the applicant that wanted to “bring spirituality to the use of computers”. :-0
      I get this type of thing more than I would like. If the applicant Googles my name it shows I was a Catholic school librarian and my husband is a deacon (meaning he’s an ordained Catholic minister). I get comments and answers that people think I want to hear. 1. It’s usually something that goes against my personal and professional ethics; 2. It’s pandering, which I hate.

  17. Zip Silver*

    I still keep this resume, allow me to give you the highlights:

    -“Letter of reccomendation from a Subway customer. GED” – this was on the same line
    -“General Skills: Martial artist, Leadership, Elite Gamer (Xbox, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PlayStation 2&3, Atari, Nintendo, SNES, N64, GameCube, GameBoy, Wii, Sega Dreamcast), driveway paving, landscaping, Boy Scouts.

    And there were several more things along these lines throughout the resume.

    1. Nobody Here by That Name*

      I had one like that too! I mentioned it in the last go-round, but in a resume for a position which had nothing to do with technology or gaming we had someone include mention of how many hours they’d clocked playing games and the number, which I believe was in the thousands, of game achievements they’d unlocked. It scares me that there’s at least two of them.

    2. Trig*

      I’m tickled about the prospect of being an elite GameBoy gamer. I could see if you’d played eports professionally or something but I don’t think there are GameBoy competitions.

        1. Julia*

          Those aren’t GameBoy anymore, they’re on the 3DS which can go online and battle with people all over the world.

    3. SarahJ*

      We get a lot of E-sports rankings in our resumes (technical role, industry attracts “go-getters”). It’s nice because it’s replace the formerly ubiquitous poker rankings.

    4. Kristen*

      Did you reply back that you’re really in need of someone highly skilled with the PlayStation 1 and therefore he/she’s rejected?

    5. Timber*

      Your applicant has good skills! You know like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills…

    6. Agile Phalanges*

      When I skimmed this, I read the second entry under “General Skills” as “Lesbian,” which is even more irrelevant.

    7. Melodious Thunk*

      I hire laborers to do outdoor work of various kinds for an animal refuge in a low-income rural region. I definitely would give this person an interview based on the driveway paving, landscaping, and Boy Scouts, with bonus points for the letter of recommendation from a Subway customer (certainly shows gumption) and the gaming (suggests capacity to learn tractor operation — unloading, stacking, and dropping 500lb hay bales into feeders using hay grabbers actually feels a bit like giant-sized 3-D tetris and does require the kind of spatial reasoning and hand-eye coordination involved in gaming.)

  18. Teapot librarian*

    I got a six-page resume from a recent college graduate. I also got a resume that was clearly copy-and-pasted from a business’ marketing materials because it was in paragraph form and referred to the candidate in third-person.

    1. LibbyG*

      Wouldn’t it be fun to interview them and talk about them in the third person. “So,Sam should tell me about a time when Sam had to have a difficult conversation with someone at work.”

      1. Totally Minnie*

        “Well, Sam was working toward a difficult and very important objective, but Smeagol kept undermining him. Sam didn’t know what to do. But it worked out okay in the end, because Sam’s supervisor pushed Smeagol into a volcano.”

    2. LSP*

      I love the resumes from students that are several pages long, and they are AGHAST when you tell them they need to be edited down. I used to routinely review resumes for our interns at Old Job, and this happened all the time. They were convinced that everything on there was absolutely necessary, and how could they possibly edit it down to just ONE PAGE!?

      1. MsChanandlerBong*

        On occasion, I help people with their resumes. One young woman I know insisted that I put every position she’s ever held, including ones from high school, on hers. Now, if she just graduated from high school, that would be fine, but she has about 10 years of experience. She’s also held some fairly high-level jobs with Chinese government agencies, so there’s no reason to put her high-school jobs on there.

  19. CM*

    First few pages were verbose, but otherwise pretty normal description of past jobs, qualifications, etc. Pages 6-12 were a baffling manifesto on the applicant’s personal philosophies about careers, technology, and life in general, with lots of misspelled words and some ranting about a certain previous employer that had not sufficiently appreciated him. And yet I had to talk my boss out of interviewing him.

    1. Roja*

      I always wonder who has the time for that. I have a hard enough time writing a regular cover letter, let alone a six-page manifesto!

      1. MassMatt*

        Being concise can take work, and length can be easy. Especially if you don’t mind submitting unedited stream-of-consciousness blather, yikes.

      2. whingedrinking*

        Who *are* these people, and why can’t I have their drive to write? I can barely get it together to write a four-page research proposal. (“I wanna ask private language school students why they spend so much time and money to come to Canada to learn English, and then do nothing but hang out with other students who share their L1. This is important because students in the private system are grossly understudied, and also it drives me nuts.”)

  20. Jaybeetee*

    Apparently my older brother, in his younger days, used to “beef up” his resume rather drastically. My mother has a story of proofreading his resume when he was looking for work, and he had ridiculously overblown what had been effectively covering for a supervisor for a period of time in a sales setting. My mom was like, “You’re 22, no one is going to believe that you were Acting Director of Marketing.” Kind of akin to that resume falsifier posted about here a couple of days ago.

    1. beanie beans*

      Ugh, I was reviewing applications and resumes for an internal position, open only to people in our workgroup. One applicant, a coworker, upgraded her title and responsibilities A LOT. I don’t know if they didn’t realize it would be reviewed by people they knew and worked with, or recycled an external resume. It was weird.

  21. Ophelia*

    Blood type!
    (I review/edit a lot of resumes of local staff from countries around the world, so there are always a lot of things that are “odd” by American standards, but presumably pretty normal in their own context, but gotta say that one was pretty out there for ANYWHERE!)

    1. CM*

      Ooh, I should put that. I’m the universal donor type! I could be like, “In addition to my ten years of experience in the field, if there’s a horrible accident and everybody needs blood, I’m all over it. You need me for workplace security.”

        1. Nobody Here by That Name*

          But only call at night, and mention how nobody at the office drinks… wine.

      1. Keep Your Eyes On The Prize*

        My brother has a rare blood type. He gets called whenever they need his blood. I told him once as a joke he should put it on his resume because it would make him more valuable. He didn’t.

      2. Solidus Pilcrow*

        Maybe they suspected the company was run by vampires that that would give them an in?

        (I wouldn’t want to be chosen if that was true, but different stokes.)

      3. Prague*

        Oh, good grief. I interviewed someone once who had studied people who thought they were vampires. I mean, it was interesting, but she got way too enthused, and it had nothing to do with the job. I’d blocked the memory of vampire girl out until now.

        1. Ophelia*

          Oh, interesting. This was not a CV from Japan, but the applicant had prior experience with donors in the region, so that might explain it! I’m very used to long lists of hobbies, religious affiliation, number of children, etc., but this was the only time I’d seen blood type!

      1. Frank Doyle*

        Although I believe it’s related to personality, so it’s comparable to including your astrological sign.

      2. Sapphire*

        It’s kind of like a personality indicator in Japan. I don’t know that people put it on their resumes, though.

        1. Julia*

          Not these days anymore. At least it wasn’t on any pre-printed resumes I’ve seen recently (I’m in the process of applying for jobs).

      3. Ursula*

        I used to live in Japan. I was surprised how many times when I met someone for the first time that blood type came up. I don’t know my blood type and they were amazed at this. Apparently blood type is supposed to dictate your personality.

        1. Nanani*

          Me too, and worked there. Blood type was not on my resume or any job application. Might have come up in chit chat though.

          Headshots, hobby-type questions, marital status/number of dependents, and so on are all expected, but not blood type.

        2. sacados*

          Right? The reactions when people ask my blood type and I’m like “Um, A…. maybe…?”
          It’s right up there with saying you don’t remember what your birthday is.

          Still definitely never seen it on a resume before.

      4. Mad Baggins*

        Not on resumes! I don’t think we even collect that data at any point at my (Japanese) company.

      1. Berry*

        I don’t know my blood type, so I wonder if I can reverse engineer the knowledge by the personality test (guess now, see if it’s right in the future).

        1. Will "scifantasy" Frank*

          Erm…probably better to go to the Red Cross or your doctor. I wouldn’t be sanguine about trusting my personality when it came to my Rhesus antigens.

          1. Berry*

            No worries, I meant this completely in the fun manner and not actually use it if anyone asks what my blood type is!

          2. Anion*

            Yes, dittoing that. It’s a really quick, simple test, and it’s good info to know just in case.

            I’m A+!

          1. Specialk9*

            Mine was diametrically opposed! Lol. I’m just imagining some poor Japanese people expecting me to be all quiet and meek, and getting this giant loud manly foreign lady instead.

      2. MsChanandlerBong*

        My blood type doesn’t match my personality at all. It says A+ is associated with being reserved and patient. Anyone who knows me knows that I have no chill at all when it comes to keeping my excitement in check, and I am REALLY impatient over a lot of things (I am super patient with kids, sick people, and elderly folks, but not so much with slow shipping or long check-out lines at the store).

      1. Lily in NYC*

        I worked in Taiwan for a few months and had never heard this and I was so confused as to why everyone I met socially asked me my blood type. I finally found out the reason for it, but I’m still wondering why I was also constantly asked what type of birth control I used.

    2. Rusty Shackelford*

      We got a resume from someone who was, if I remember right, older than our typical applicant for the position. I guess he wanted to prove how spry he was, because he included the results from a complete physical. I didn’t even know specific urine gravity was a thing until that point.

      1. Kateedoo*

        I worked in China and had to include my blood type and results from a physical to receive my employment visa – perhaps someone included this out of habit if they worked abroad? Either way, the blood type thing is HUGE in China and judging from these comments in other parts of Asia as well.

  22. KG*

    A candidate listed his part in a play in the 1980s for an office job at a university. He was either in elementary or middle school then. He had no other acting or theatrical experience. I’m pretty sure it was a school play.

    1. Gaia*

      Do you mean to suggest I should remove my note about my very important role as a Lead Carrot in my second grade class play Food Pyramid

        1. Glowcat*

          I was the Poisonous Mushroom :( I bet that’s why the interviewer said I’m not a good fit.

      1. Keep Your Eyes On The Prize*

        Ahem, I was Third Elf in the classic play, Santa Saves Christmas. My only line was “Perhaps a mustard plaster will do.” It was Oscar worthy.

        1. JeanB in NC*

          I played the witch in Hansel and Gretel in fifth grade. My famous line was, after Hansel saying “b-b-b-but!”, I said “turn off your motor and get going!”.

          1. Lily in NYC*

            I was Betsy Ross in a play when we had our Bicentennial celebrations in the US (I’m old as dirt) and I pronounced North Carolina wrong. I was 5 and remember being so ashamed.

        2. Nines*

          I’m highly surprised that the third elf got their own lines! You must have really impressed! =)

      2. Shirley Keeldar*

        Ha, I got you beat. I was King Molar in my third grade play about dental hygiene.

        I had a crown.

        1. Spooky*

          When I was in third grade I was SO SURE I had the best singing voice in my grade. I sang all the time (loudly). I was convinced that all the people covering their ears were just jealous. Then the roles for our winter musical show came out. I was assigned the lead…on the song in sign language.

          That one took a while to live down.

      3. Oxford Coma*

        I was told to remove my lead role as one of the four basic food groups (dairy), because it could lead to age discrimination. YMMV.

      4. Fiennes*

        I played the Good Fairy (which was great) in a children’s play called, I kid you not, “A Bomb For Santa.”

        I doubt it gets performed much anymore.

    2. ThatGirl*

      I was Maria in a 3rd grade production of the Sound of Music but I usually don’t go bragging about it, 30 years later….

      1. NoGhosting*

        *Ahem* Don’t mean to brag but I played Paul Revere’s wife in my 4th grade musical and …. I had a solo. My only, but dazzling, line in the whole play was “Paul what are you doing?” and I knocked the house down.

        1. Blonde Spiders*

          Step aside. I played Clara in a non-ballet performance of The Nutcracker in 2nd grade. I was so mad at my mom because she refused to let me wear a dress for the performance. Apparently I didn’t understand how to “sit like a lady” onstage, or some such nonsense.

        2. Lindsay J*

          I was a statue of liberty construction worker in my first grade play. I had to recite the final 6 lines of the “The New Colossus” poem. So I’m basically a historian and a movie star.

        3. Book Badger*

          I was 7th Princess Jasmine in a second grade production of Aladdin. To be clear, this was a version of Aladdin based on the original Arabian Nights story, but using characters that we as second graders were familiar with. Also, the only roles were Aladdin, Genie, Jafar, and Princess Jasmine (I think there might have been one Sultan but I don’t remember), so instead all the kids with the same part stood in a line and recited their lines in order (Aladdin #1 got the first couple of lines, Aladdin #2 had the next part, and so on).

          Aladdin #7 was a kid I had a crush on, so–unlike all my classmates, who just read their lines from the script with no inflection (AMATEURS!)–I very passionately said, “You have defeated Jafar! We’re home, Aladdin, we’re home!” and jumped on him. Romantically.

      2. The New Wanderer*

        I was the co-lead in what, in hindsight, was an incredibly culturally insensitive school play written by a fellow student’s parent.

        Definitely gonna leave that one off…

    3. hiptobesquared*

      I actually work in theatre and I don’t think I keep anything older than like 5 years on my resume, unless it was something really cool or noteworthy.

  23. TheyCanAlwaysSurpriseYou*

    I received a resume for an entry-level receptionist type position that included Quidditch as one of the applicant’s activities.

    1. ZSD*

      There are actual quidditch teams at universities! I mean, they don’t fly, but there’s a terrestrial version.

    2. serenity*

      I once received a resume for a somewhat entry-level administrative role from someone with a nuclear engineering PhD which listed in skills, among other things, “knowledge of nuclear weapons manufacturing”. It was beyond bizarre.

      1. The OG Anonsie*

        Eh I could see it. It’s not relevant to the job, but at the very least it should give you an idea about their overall aptitudes, y’know?

    3. catlover18*

      Yeah! It’s actually a club sport that travels and competes just like a club football team would!! (Maybe it doesn’t belong on a resume, but it’s legit. Funny!

    4. fposte*

      Quidditch is *huge*. It’s been a part of several student hires for me. It’s kind of like roller derby but co-ed and with weapons–it’s seriously savage.

    5. SG*

      To be fair, Quidditch was considered a real sport at my university. I’m pretty sure their matches had better attendance than the football games. If you believe that varsity/club sports belong on an entry-level resume, that would be reasonable.

    6. SarahJ*

      It’s a real college activity. I’m torn on these ones because they can be good talking points but not everyone wants to hire a “quirkster”, or even gets what they’re trying to signal.

    7. Berry*

      I started the Quidditch club/team at my university, so when I was looking for jobs just after graduation it was on my resume! Mostly to show leadership skills, etc. not under work experience.

      It’s no longer on my resume, but I do have it on my LinkedIn under that general mess of “groups you were part of in college.” Most people won’t see it but I’ve had a fun interview conversation or two about it (great judge of office culture when someone brings it up).

    8. Ursula*

      This is actually a thing at many universities in the UK and I think I’ve heard about it happening in American universities as well. Obviously no one flies but its been adapted for us muggles. If someone can list being on a basketball team I don’t see why Quidditch can’t be mentioned. Any team sport shows cooperation skills and potentially leadership skills so I think this while slightly unusual is not unreasonable.

      1. JamieS*

        By the same token having siblings, especially close in age with you, also shows cooperation skills but it wouldn’t be reasonable to list your brothers and sisters on your resume.

    1. MuseumChick*

      Of all the crazy things posted to far this one made me almost fall out of my chair laughing. (Maybe because I’m history person?)

    2. ZSD*

      I knew someone who took a conversational Latin course, so the person might in fact have been fluent. But it probably wouldn’t be a very useful skill on the job!

      1. KG*

        Conversational Latin? I learned something new today!

        This was for an internship at a NGO with an international presence. If a candidate claimed fluency in a language, they had to interview in that language. No one available to conduct an interview in Latin, though.

        1. Grits McGee*

          There’s at least one or two Latin-language radio stations in Europe, and it’s still technically an official language of the Catholic church, so there is that. Though, your applicant didn’t specify if she spoke classical or ecclesiastic Latin, so I call whatever the Latin equivalent of “shenanigans” is on them.

        2. Parenthetically*

          “No one available to conduct an interview in Latin, though.”

          I am CRACKING UP at this for some reason!

        3. Gingerblue*

          Oh yeah. People who get into spoken Latin can get REALLY into it. Week long Latin-only camps, etc.

      2. ArtK*

        Studies have shown that learning Latin can boost one’s English skills. The studies have been about HS students and their results on the SAT. In other words, depending on the job, it could be a very useful attribute.

        1. Glowcat*

          Yes, this is one of the reasons why it’s still a mandatory class in most Italian high schools. But you don’t list it on your resume, unless you’re applying for a job in ancient literature/history, and the fluency part sounds a bit crazy :)

        2. Barney Barnaby*

          Learning Latin or Greek teaches spelling, grammar, and analytical skills. That a job candidate gained expertise in that area (as opposed to just having it as a hobby) indicates good things about them, which are appropriate for a resume (IMHO).

        3. Annabelle*

          Yeah, I took 6 years of Latin courses (in high school and college) and it’s actually proven to be pretty useful knowledge.

      3. Kathleen_A*

        I think it does tend to make you a pretty darn good speller, though. Seriously. At least you never mess up those Latin prefixes and things.

      4. Elfine Starkadder*

        I got a job offer working for a physicist in part because I could read classical Greek. All they really needed was someone who could read mathematical equations, which included a lot of Greek letterforms. So I suppose I was overqualified for the job.

    3. CatCat*

      LOL, I studied Latin in college, but it never occurred to me to list my Latin language skills on a resume.

    4. Parenthetically*

      There are dozens, probably hundreds of Classical schools in the U.S. that teach Latin starting in elementary school! My students take 7 years of Latin, and one of their former teachers was perfectly capable of carrying on a long conversation in Latin. At the conversationally-fluent level it’s about as useful as Klingon or Elvish, but nerds gotta nerd, you know!

      1. The Original K.*

        Yeah, one of my best friends teaches high school Latin and has two classics degrees. I’m sure she could carry on a conversation in Latin – but I’m also sure that the interview process for her job did not require her to interview in Latin!

      2. Lissa*

        Fun related facts: I just got an email from Duolingo saying their Klingon course is open now. In case anyone wanted to nerd.

    5. Rusty Shackelford*

      Hey, you never know when you’ll need someone to perform an exorcism in the office.

      1. Knittyinabrowncoat*

        Unless you work the phones for the Winchester boys, then it’s almost a guarantee that you’ll need to at least three times a day.

        1. Kateedoo*

          The person who wrote in about her employee casting spells/curses on the other employees would have been interested to have an applicant with Latin experience.

          That being said, I think fluency in another language is resume worthy, it shows the ability to work hard at something, like listing your college degree.

    6. LBK*

      I mean, you can still learn Latin. We had Latin classes at my middle school and high school. Allegedly it improves your SAT verbal scores since it helps with etymologies.

    7. Positive Reframer*

      Latin is only a dead language in that it isn’t the first spoken language of any people group but it is still very much in use. I believe it is the official language of a country even (Vatican City). It is commonly taught in many Catholic schools from what I’ve seen.

    8. MH*

      Yep, I’ve done an intensive spoken Latin program – it’s much more effective, pedagogically speaking, to reinforce grammar lessons with conversation than to just memorize conjugation and declension tables.

      (As a medievalist, I have a handful of dead languages that I work in listed on my CV. Latin is the most mainstream of them.)

      1. Michigan Sara*

        Any suggestions on where I might find an online course in one of those medieval dead languages? I’m a language nut and a history nut and I learning Old English sounds fun to me.

        1. Librolover*

          (waves arm!) Pick me! Pick me! Michael Drout! he teaches Lots of classes on Lit (he has a whole class on LOTR and another on SciFy) He loves Angalo-saxon english! he wrote a book, and if you go to his website, he has read outloud everything we have in that language.

    9. Blueberry*

      Latin is also a great language to study if you are going into the medical field. Lots of medical terms are derived from Latin.

        1. Anonymeece*

          Greek is another popular one for medical terms. At my university, we even had a class that was “Greek and Latin for Medical Students.”

    10. KG*

      To clarify– I completely support studying Latin. Plenty of value in it!

      I rolled my eyes at the claim of “fluency” in “spoken” Latin. Just… no, dude. You’re not. This isn’t the Vatican. You’re a college student with a four-page resume applying to a NGO.

    11. Alli525*

      I mean just because it’s “dead” doesn’t mean it’s not used, or useful… maybe verbal fluency isn’t that important unless you’re in an academic or religious setting, but writing/reading is definitely useful in other ways.

    12. Prague*

      A guy I work with thought he could impress senior leaders recently by switching to Latin halfway through his presentation. It didn’t end well.

      1. sigh*

        My university prides itself on teaching Latin as a living language. Once you’ve gone to a Latin language pool party and bbq the rest of your life feels flat.

        Point is, several students graduate each year speaking Latin like I speak English and spanish, and in fields where its relevant no one will scoff.

    13. Student*

      There are a whole bunch of very good books, stories, and poems written in Latin as the original language. As a language, it’s got some nuances to it that are difficult to translate into English, as there’s no direct equivalent, so there really is a difference when reading those old stories as they were intended.

      It’s also fun. There’s no weight of practicality to it, since everyone accepts you probably won’t be speaking it conversationally, so you can focus more on the entertaining bits. And great for translating random movie spells, the occasional organization motto, etc.

      As a high school student, I especially appreciated that Latin class had a dirty old Roman poetry unit (Catullus, for those in the know), whereas Spanish and French and German had… ever-expanding vocab drills.

      1. Anonicat*

        My dad was baffled that I was learning Greek…until I clarified that it was ancient Greek. Then he was totally on board. He loves the idea of reading Lysistrata or Oedipus in the original.

    14. NP12345*

      I was a Classics major in college and my school offered courses in spoken Latin & Ancient Greek! We put on a performance at the end of the semester–it’s important to know how the language sounded when studying poetry, plays, basically anything written in meter. I have a friend who is a high school Latin teacher and she has gone to several Latin-immersion camps where you are only allowed to communicate in Latin for a week or two.

    15. Annabelle*

      I would never put this on a resume because it’s wildly irrelevant, but I am technically “fluent” in Latin. We had both written and conversational Latin courses at my high school.

    16. HRH the Emperor Kuzco*

      Being fluent in Latin is actually pretty handy for multiple fields, especially historical research. However this is definitely a case of “choose the appropriate/applicable skills for your resume.”

    17. Elle*

      My Roman Law professor (required class if you wish to be a barrister in Scotland) spoke fluent Latin. He mentioned that he had once, on a cruise, conducted an entire dinner conversation in it as it was the only common language he and another guest had.

      He was nuts, though. His exam questions always said things like “Quirinus has borrowed Flavius’ lawnmower and failed to give it back. Flavius has a servitude over Quirinus’ land which he uses to steal Quirinus’ slave. Discuss the legal issues arising.” The questions set by the other lecturer were always far more boring, but not as weird.

      Thankfully, he wasn’t weird enough to give in to the unpleasantly snobbish, privately educated, mature student who suggested that the entire course be taught solely in Latin, and heavily implied that those of us without Higher Latin should never have got into law – I would have taken Latin, but my local authority had removed it from the curriculum 15 years earlier, and sacked all the classics teachers.

      1. Cornflower Blue*

        …I’ll bite. WHY is Roman Law required to be a barrister in Scotland? XD Last I heard, slavery AND the Romans weren’t out of favor there.

        1. Chinook*

          Since Quebec still relies on Napoleanic law as its foundation (vs. British common law used elsewhere in Canada), I could see Scotland relying on/being based on Roman law foe the same reason (trying to keep the stupid Brita from taking all of your culture)

    18. ks*

      I graduated with high honors from an Ivy League university with a degree in Latin. (Not even Classics, but Latin.) At some point, I’m sure I had a resume that listed my languages as Latin (fluent), Ancient Greek (basic), Scottish Gaelic (beginners). Because, nerd.

      Sadly, after a couple of decades, I have lost my fluency and could at best be described as “dictionary fluent” now. I can’t even reliably create Latin mottoes for friends’ nerd-activities.

  24. Mrs. Badcrumble*

    I once received a seven-page resume, the most notable aspect of which was the quantity of cigarette ash it included.

    1. Sapphire*

      “Let me assure you, Mrs. Badcrumble, I’ll smoke the competition!”

      At least that’s what I imagine they were trying to say.

  25. Gaia*

    It might not be weird in all cultures but as an American I was really thrown off when I was reviewing CVs in another country and they all listed hobbies. Completely unrelated to work hobbies like knitting, travel, map making, etc. Like that’s cool but…how is it relevant?

    1. Will "scifantasy" Frank*

      I’ve discussed before here that I have an Other Interests/Information section on my resume (and I’m American); it’s at the end and it’ll be the first thing to go as needed, but if nothing else, it can be an icebreaker.

      1. PSB*

        That makes more sense for you than anyone else I can think of, since most people are only passively or somewhat engaged in their other interests.

        1. Will "scifantasy" Frank*

          Trying to figure out whether you know who I am or you’re just piggybacking on the reality TV thing…*grin*

          1. PSB*

            Ha! Sorry, I knew that was going to sound odd without any context. Someone you know – my user name isn’t my initials, but the initials of an old nickname with which you’re familiar.

      2. chocolate tort*

        Same experience as Will. Grad school career office strongly suggested an other interests/other info section–just a line or two at the bottom of the resume. No idea if it ever helped my candidacy, but the info I put there would come up in interviews–to break the monotony of interviewing a dozen students, if nothing else!

        That info usually relates to fencing and/or NaNoWriMo. I know, I know, there was that letter recently about not putting unfinished novels on a resume, but I put it there more in the context of… I do this weird writing challenge for fun. People seemed to find it interesting, although it may have backfired one time when someone asked me what I would do if I got slammed with work during November. Heh.

    2. Sapphire*

      The one place I’ve used a “Special Interests/Hobbies” section was a position at a university where I had to “demonstrate a commitment to continuous learning and self-improvement” so I mentioned my choral and language-learning experiences.

    3. Positive Reframer*

      I know most people here don’t think hobbies are relevant because apparently doing something for the love of it means less than doing it because someone pays you. However many hobbies are a side business and/or build skills that are relevant to job tasks and can certainly be part of a good discussion of a candidate’s skills and aptitude. Perhaps it is better brought into the conversation during the interview rather than the resume but there are plenty of applications out there that specifically ask about hobbies.

    4. Ex-Academic, Future Accountant*

      The career office at my (US) university advises us to do this! “You want to give the employer a sense of who you are as a whole person” is their reasoning. I have resisted this so far, in part because I suspect this strategy tends to work better for people who can say “golf and yoga” than for people whose answer is “cello and tournament Scrabble”.

      1. Will "scifantasy" Frank*

        I don’t know, cello and tournament Scrabble sounds great for a hobbies section.

        1. Ex-Academic, Future Accountant*

          Hehe. I’m just a little bummed lately because despite the cultural stereotype of accountants being nerds, I have yet to meet even one fellow nerd in my program!

      2. Allison*

        I got that advice too, and my counselor really thought that if by chance the interviewer is into the same hobby as you, they’ll be more likely to like you and want to hire you over someone with similar qualifications.

        I don’t like the whole “show them how human you are!” strategy. I know you’re a human. What else would you be? An alien? A piece of toast? If you don’t have the background the hiring manager is looking for, reminding them that you’re a *real person* just like them won’t really help, and may sound more like a guilt trip than anything else.

      3. ContentWrangler*

        When I was job-hunting, I had someone suggestion I put hobbies and interests like that at the end of my intro on my LinkedIn page. Same kind of reasoning – create a bigger, better picture of you as a person. But definitely not on a resume!

    5. SarahKay*

      It used to be a standard bit for UK CVs – just a line at the end. I think it was supposed to show that you were a rounded person.
      It may still be standard but it’s 13 years since I last had to do a CV, so I don’t know either way.

      1. Glowcat*

        The “europass” CV format allows hobbies, they are used to demonstrate how you have learned your soft skills: 20 years of practicing a musical instrument can say a lot on your dedication, for example. It’s very common for us European to list them in the bottom line, as far as I know, and I was even asked to talk about them in the final part of my interview (with interviewers from two other countries, so I can tell it’s a widespread habit across Europe).

    6. The Senior Wrangler*

      I’ve put things like that on there before but tried to tie them in with the work (ie performing shows I’m confident etc), but I’m quite young (also in the UK) so my CV probably needs a but more fleshing out than others.

      Also, the last job I applied for was my current support worker position, where I work mostly one-to-one with my employer, so it was good for them to know a bit more about me we need to have a very good relationship. Nut that’s quite a specific situation, of course.

    7. Book Badger*

      I’ve been advised (as an American law student) to include hobbies to humanize me and to find rapport with an interviewer, but only hobbies that are unique and interesting (BASE jumping as opposed to watching Netflix). All of my hobbies are quiet and indoors so I don’t list them.

      1. NerdLawyer*

        You could try narrowing down some of your quiet and indoor, if that’s possible? In law student resumes, the interests section gets a lot of play (unless of course the rest of your resume is chock-full of deeply relevant experience, which as a student is less likely).

        So instead of saying, “I like to read” you could say “I enjoy medieval French poetry and the writings of 18th-century cartographers” or whatever. Go as specific as you can while still being truthful, don’t just say “fiction”– gets you unique and interesting without having to lie about throwing yourself off tall buildings.

        My 1L interview with the firm I’m still at was mostly a discussion of books it turned out we all liked.

        1. Book Badger*

          Thank you for the advice! My issue is that a lot of them tend to make me look (in the words of my dad) like a domestic goddess. The only things I really do for fun (other than writing fanfiction, which I would never put on a resume) are knitting and baking. I feel like it makes me look like an old granny lady or June Cleaver. Now, I do consider myself *very good* at those things, but they’re not exactly the kind of thing people would find interesting or base a conversation on, I don’t think?

          1. Will "scifantasy" Frank*

            Knitting might actually be a selling point…emphasis might, though, so I’m not sure I’m recommending it. It certainly has been seeing something of a resurgence, be it the hats for the Women’s March or Hogwarts House scarves.

          2. NerdLawyer*

            Ooh, I see your point (I’ve been in the domestic goddess boat myself, I cook, I garden, I embroider). Baking’s not a great conversation starter unless you bring food (do not bring food). Knitting is also a little common now (not to denigrate it, but you’re right that it doesn’t really stand out). But are there any aspects you specialize in or can focus on? Lace knitting or obscure wool blends? Or weird Peruvian flan recipes? Are you into subgenres of music, or collecting old cookbooks?

            Even if not though, they’re looking for a sense that you do Anything Other Than Law That Requires Active Engagement (thus, not TV). It doesn’t have to be a huge part of your life, just one you can talk about with some level of interest that shows you have actively chosen to spend time on things that aren’t school.

          3. Specialk9*

            By baking do you mean an obsessive tendency to make large amounts of sweet treats that you need help getting through so you bring to the office? Naw, nobody would find THAT intriguing! d:

    8. Lucky*

      I think adding an “other interests” or “hobbies/activities section is common Career Services advice, at least at law schools because I often see this in lawyer’s resumes. But people list some bizarre things. Like, hiking, travel, foodie stuff is totally normal, but listing “Japanese culture” on your resume as an interest is just off-putting. That was on my coworker’s resume – turns out, she studied Japanese as her foreign language in college and went to Japan for her honeymoon, but that’s the extent of that “hobby.”

      Overall though, I think listing a few non-work/non-professional interests can be a nice ice-breaker for interviews.

      1. nonymous*

        I have some acquaintances who are Japanophiles (I think that’s how it’s described?) – they speak Japanese conversationally, are active in the local professional exchange program, travel when they can afford it, are into Japanese manga, like eating Japanese food, stuff like that. I will say that outside of the language skills, it does seem to be a consumerist hobby, but I’m from an immigrant family, so maybe my standards are too high?

        1. Will "scifantasy" Frank*

          If they describe themselves as otaku, that would be…interesting. (“Otaku” often gets translated into English as “nerd” or “geek” but in Japanese it’s a lot stronger of a word, much more of a stigma of creepy obsessive. I think that as more of this Japanese-cultural enthusiasm gets more familiar with, well, Japanese culture, they’re distancing themselves from the word, but it was prevalent for a while.)

          I suppose it can be vaguely consumerist, though I will say that when I went to Japan for a secondment, my Japanese coworkers were gobsmacked when I would indicate familiarity with Japanese history (naming Oda Nobunaga for example) and even (some) cultural cues.

          Assuming you’re talking about Americans, I would say there’s a weird mashup of reasons, especially for children of the ’80s and ’90s, for interest in Japanese culture. Not all of which are flattering (there can definitely be uncomfortable race-stereotyping going on).

        2. Annabelle*

          A less neautral term used for people like that is “weeabo.” They’re largely non-Japanese folks who kind of fetishize Japanese culture.

    9. katrina929*

      As others have said, I believe college career centers (in USA) have been advising to include it. In my current position, I do a lot of recruiting directly from college, and A LOT of very sharp and great resumes include this now. I believe when I was in school, they advised us to only include a hobby if it was somewhat relevant to the industry/position you were applying to.

      But now I see the somewhat odd things under interests/hobbies, like: sneakers (I realize sneakers are a huge thing for high school/college kids – but don’t include on resume), videogames (ok, cool — don’t include it on a resume), the name of a bar in my college town (this one really confused me! I googled it just to be sure. It includes a street name in the name, so there was low chance it was anything else). There’s been other slightly odd things.

      1. Fortitude Jones*

        There are many adult sneakerheads out there, especially ones who have very lucrative side hustles selling them online to other adult sneakerheads.

    10. NP12345*

      I’ve seen that on finance/business resumes in the US–an industry where there’s a work hard/play hard culture. You’re supposed to list accomplishments, and it’s all stuff like “Mountain climbing–have scaled 17 of the world’s top 50 highest peaks,” “Marathon runner, completed 2015 NYC race in 2:37, placing 3rd in my age group,” and “World Cocaine Snorting Championship 2017 Bronze Medalist.”

    11. Nanani*

      I used to work in Japan, and a hobby section was part of the standard template.

      I was told you’re supposed to put relevant ones though, or at least “smart-sounding” ones like “learning history” or “studying a foreign language”.

    12. Needs a new username*

      There are industries where that’s useful, but I can’t see it being helpful in office work.

      When I interview for educators in child care services, though, a lot of those skills (cooking, arts and crafts, musical skill, gardening) are all things to look out for on a resume.

    13. Elle*

      It’s pretty normal in the UK! I’ve always included my hobbies (the work-appropriate ones, anyway!). I do tie it in to work skills – mentioning my experience leading walks for a local group, committee experience through my dancing – and it’s always been discussed in interviews. Some application forms even ask for them!

      It’s definitely more common at the start of your career – as you amass more experience you would give less time to them – but my dad is a well respected academic in his 60s, and some versions of his CV still have his hobbies on.

    14. Librarygeek*

      I have some hobbies listed on applications, but they’re fairly relevant, in that I can create kid/teen library programs around them, e.g. medieval reinactment, writing.

  26. designbot*

    One recent grad listed herself as having a ‘Bachelorette’s in Fine Art.’ I have to admit it gave me a pause, I had to look up whether this was a term that was ever used. When I found it wasn’t, I wasn’t sure whether to interpret this as some ultra-feminist statement or just stupidity. The sketch of a bunny rabbit adorning her cover letter (I usually look at those last) let me know which way to take it.

    1. LostInTheStacks*

      I went to a women’s college that is located fairly close to what was once a prominent men’s college, so in the first ~75 years of its history it was really common to see students getting “MRS” degrees, and even now people make references to it every once in a while. At our graduation ceremony, a friend and I were reviewing the list of students and the degrees conferred–lots of BAs, a few BSs, and a handful of MAs and MSWs–and she looked at me and very seriously asked “when did [College] stop offering the MRS degree?”

      1. Aitch Arr*

        I went to a women’s college as well. My first year, my roommate seemed more interested in missing her boyfriend than being at college. I rather sarcastically asked her if she was just here for the MRS degree and she thought it was something the school offered.

      2. Justme, The OG*

        We have a degree at my employer/university that is still referred to as a MRS degree.

    2. Merula*

      I think there was a movement for “Spinsters Degree” at some point, which at least would make sense.

      1. Specialk9*

        I can’t put my hands on it, but an article talked about how big wars that killed generations of men were often followed by women achieving great things. The idea was that spinster women (with some money) could study and excel in a way that marrying and having 10 kids (and then dying in childbed) couldn’t allow.

    3. SierraSkiing*

      I was once guiding an admissions tour at Yale, and at the law school I (a female Yale student) mentioned that Hillary and Bill Clinton had met while they were at Yale. An older man on my tour nodded sagely. “Ah, so she came here for her MRS degree, then?” Since I was working, I just told him “She came for the excellent law education, and I think she got it!” In the cheeriest tone I could manage before the tour moved on.

      1. Persephoneunderground*

        Not to mention, she kept her name for years so no, she didn’t get the Mrs.- that’s Ms. Rodham, thank yew! And I second the medal. (Apparently she only added Clinton later when Bill got serious in politics because it was too controversial for a candidate’s wife to not have his name at the time.)

      2. whingedrinking*

        Standard joke from the Clinton era:
        Hillary and Bill stop at a gas station, and Hillary gets into an animated conversation with the clerk. When they leave, Bill says, “What the heck was that all about?”
        “Oh,” says Hillary, “I know him from way back. He’s actually an ex-boyfriend of mine.”
        “Man,” says Bill, “can you imagine how different things would have been if you’d married him and not me?”
        “Yeah, just think,” says Hillary, “he’d be president and you’d be a gas station clerk.”

    4. Amy*

      As someone who works at a college, this actually happens way more than it should. It’s actually probably because they misread/mispronounce “baccalaureate”.

  27. PB*

    We received a resume recently from someone who had apparently generated his resume for a CV management system, and sent it unedited. It was 14 pages long, and had a number of categories that contained “N/A.”

  28. Cambridge Comma*

    An A4-sized full length sepia photograph of the applicant in a lace bodysuit. (In a country where head and shoulders passport-sized photos are the norm.)

    1. rosiebyanyothername*

      My dad used to work in college admissions and would occasionally get glamour shots from applicants, occasionally veering into sexy territory a la your lace bodysuit girl. They had to start specifically addressing “supplementary materials” in the application paperwork.

        1. Oregonian*

          Alison defaults to female pronouns when the gender is unknown and people regularly copy that in the comments section. It’s not necessarily a sexist thing when someone replies as Observer did.

        1. Observer*

          TBH, I find this so weird that I don’t think it bein a he would make that much of a difference.

    2. Annabelle*

      I used to help my boss at OldJob sort through resumes and one lady submitted a portrait of herself glammed up like Madonna circa ‘84. And this was in the US, in an industry where no one submits even standard headshots with their resume.

  29. Master Bean Counter*

    When I worked for an organization whose name included the word public more candidates than I expected left the L out of the word public.
    There was also the guy who’s email address was nvrl84sx@…

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      I feel like “terrible email addresses” could be a post of its own. Or maybe something for the Friday open thread.

      The best/worst I ever had was a woman named Virginia whose email was “missvajayjay”

      1. paul*

        We had one, once, whose email address was bubblebutt69@hostname…it was just…no. The rest of the resume’ was bad enough my boss read some of it out loud. We were never sure if they were trying to apply for the minimum number of jobs to keep unemployment or what.

        They had an entirely wrong understanding of the sorts of “positions” you’re supposed to put on a resume’….

      2. Rusty Shackelford*

        I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I worked at a university (A) that had a rivalry with another university (B). One applicant was a fan of B, and his email address – included on the resume he used to apply for a job at A – was “univAsux.”

      3. Jadelyn*

        I posted this below, but my favorite of these was the one whose email address, in all caps at the top of his resume, was TRUCKNUTZ69@[whoever].

        1. Agile Phalanges*

          A co-worker of mine uses his personal e-mail address as he doesn’t have a company one. It’s firstlast69@domain. In his defense, it’s his birth year, and maybe his name is common enough he had to add SOMEthing? I’m sure he’s got a dirty mind, with a side of plausible deniability, though.

      4. MJ (Aotearoa/New Zealand)*

        Not terrible so much as hilarious, but we had a doctor in a previous company who had an email along the lines of itsjustarash@

      5. Elle*

        My mum used to help out with a programme (Duke of Edinburgh’s Award for the Brits among you) where young people take part in sport, volunteering, hiking, etc. In later years, they went over to an online system for tracking activity, as part of which, the kids had to provide their email address. On more than one occasion Mum had to have deeply awkward conversations with 14 year old girls covering (a) whether their parents knew their email addresses (usually no), and (b) the importance of having a second email for conversing with people other than their close friends if the first email address was “hot_sexy_stuff6969@…”

        I have a school friend who had her hotmail display name set as like “green dragon 15” or something equally stupid, largely forgot about, and then had it brought up in an interview for a work experience position when we were about 17!

    2. Katie M*

      I’m a public librarian and we get a lot of resume questions from patrons. We’re not able to do too much proofreading since that would essentially take up all of our time at the desk, but I did have to offer a correction when I saw someone who had listed a position assembling sandwiches for boxed lunches, and she said one of her duties was “raping the sandwiches”

      1. Kadi*

        I recruited for a large public library for a few years. I was dismayed by how many people spelled it the way they said it – libary – sad.

      2. Work Wardrobe*

        Ouch. I don’t know who’s worse off in that equation, the applicant or the sandwich.

    3. BananaRama*

      I heard of a handle that was hancockmonster@ and the guy got defensive when advised to change it. “Why?! Hansock’s my name!”

    4. the_scientist*

      Ha! I work in public health and we get “pubic health” pretty regularly which never fails to make me LOL. I’ve also caught it in proofing my own cover letters! It doesn’t get picked up by spellcheck!

      1. Merula*

        You may want to delete pubic from your user dictionary. I do that with a few words that autocorrect likes to use instead of industry-specific terms.

        1. Anonicat*

          I’ve changed my email to autocorrect retards to regards because, well, look at your keyboard. Scarred for life, I tell you.

      2. Not a Real Giraffe*

        this is why I always, ALWAYS, remove the word “pubic” from my Word dictionary. If it pops up, it’ll get the red squiggle of death and then I can fix it.

      3. Anonymous Ampersand*

        I have now set “pubic health” to autocorrect to “public health” in word.

      4. InDefensible*

        Years ago, I saw an ad on public transit in Chicago – the big, wide printed ads put out by the Department of Public Health. Professionally designed ad, etc I think talking about STI prevention or testing.

        It said “Pubic.”

        Not kidding.

  30. Blue Anne*

    Definitely the guy who won prizes for training excellent examples of a specific type of guard/attack dog in Eastern Europe.

  31. stitchinthyme*

    A former boss of mine once showed me a resume she received for a software developer position where the only experience listed was “Manger” of a Taco Bell.

    1. Live and Learn*

      My husband has a former colleague who ordered business cards without proofing them first so they read “Sales Mangagger”. We still laugh about what skills are required to be a professional man gagger.

      1. Specialk9*

        If the man in question is a regular mansplainer, I’ll bet the line of applicants would go around the block.

  32. Scott D*

    My company switched to an automated application system. Initially, they allowed you to select more than one job for which to apply. That changed quickly when we realized some people were simply applying for hundreds of jobs at once without even reading the description.

    There was a section for comments. Most were mundane, but there was one I’ll always remember, and I don’t even know how it’s remotely relevant to an I.T. job but here goes: “I was the most recent love-struck victim!”

    Some from the automated system
    Job: SQL/PHP Programmer Best previous job on resume: Walgreens checker (with NO relevant skills AT ALL)
    Job: Vice President of Marketing Best previous job on resume: Stocker at Costco (“I’ve watched lots of managers so know how they operate.”)
    Job: Entry level copy editor Cover letter: “I know you probably won’t hire me, but …” (I stopped reading at this point.

      1. Catalin*

        UGH or on Facebook/Twitter, “Most people won’t bother to read this (crappy article/guilt post/proselytizing stuff)”

  33. Antilles*

    For about a two-year stretch at my old company, it wasn’t uncommon for candidates to include photos of themselves on their resumes, completely unsolicited. Not headshots (which would have been weird enough), but full frame of their entire body, dressed in typical professional attire (suit/dress, tie, etc). These photos would usually be on one of the sides of the page and take up at least 1/3 of the width of the page. We eventually had to add an explicit “please do not include any photos” to the application instructions just to get people to stop.
    It was an engineering company.

    1. AMT*

      Did you get a lot of international applicants? Photos are standard in many countries for some reason.

    2. Guest Dropping By*

      A candidate once included in his resume that he was a computer wiz and loved working on computers (computer-based position). This was only bizarre because when he arrived for the interview he went on a long tangent about how he wasn’t good at computers and he really didn’t like computers (he was blind).

  34. Archie Goodwin*

    I may regret admitting this, but I put my Wikipedia editing on my resume. (I wouldn’t, ordinarily, but I’ve been prolific enough that it’s garnered me a bit of attention within the community. And without.)

    Not at the top, mind. Under volunteer work. And it seems to have helped get me my current job. So it worked out in the end. :-)

    1. LostInTheStacks*

      I can definitely see that being relevant to some jobs. Like, I work in public history, so if I saw a candidate who had made significant, well-cited contributions to a large number of relevant pages, I would be impressed. And I know several graduate students who have organized edit-a-thons where, for example, they and their peers create or expand on the Wikipedia pages of women in science, art, music, etc, who are underrepresented by important to scholars in the field.

      If someone put it on their resume and it turns out they’ve made crappy edits to three or four pop culture articles, that would be a different thing, but hey, context is important!

      1. JHunz*

        Frequent editing also demonstrates familiarity with navigating immense and nonsensical bureaucratic systems. A skill which is relevant to an unfortunately high number of jobs.

        1. Archie Goodwin*

          I also tend to think it shows an ability to work well with others. To an extent…not always the case, but if you’ve been a contributor as long as I have (twelve years, now) and done as much editing as I have your path is bound to cross others’ enough that you have to navigate interpersonal stuff.

      2. Archie Goodwin*

        Context – my father’s favorite seven-letter word. :-)

        Incidentally, those edit-a-thons are related to a lot of the work I’m doing now; I don’t attend many in person, but Women in Red is the project where I’ve done the most work over the past couple of years. So you can thank those grad students for the work they’re putting in. :-)

    2. cataloger*

      I have this on my CV as well, and have used it in my job (we’ve done a few edit-a-thons).

  35. Sunnyside*

    I received a resume written entirely in Old English font, like an illuminated manuscript…or the resume of a misguided skater punk with a penchant for death metal.

        1. Observer*

          Yeah. There is a reason that fonts like Old English are called “display” fonts. They are all but unreadable.

    1. JanetM*

      I received a resume (this predated most home computers and fancy fonts) for a drafter/designer that was in a beautiful font style. I asked, “Was this hand-printed?”

      He drew himself up in a huff and said, “It is hand LETTERED. PRINTING is done with a PRESS.”

      My boss came boiling out of his office, took the resume out of my hand and gave it back to the applicant. “You can leave now. If you can’t treat my recruiter with respect, how can I trust you with my clients?”

      I would have walked through fire for that man.

        1. JanetM*

          He was very, very good to work for. I left the company shortly after he did, although not for that reason.

    2. Karo*

      I wrote an entire report in Old English once. In third grade. I still feel shame, more than 20 years later.

      1. smoke tree*

        Was it actual Old English or just ye olde English spelling? If it was the former, I’m impressed. It’s a challenging language!

  36. MaryContrary*

    I had two head slappers, both submitted for 6-figure management jobs. Both had the dreaded “Personal Achievements and Interests” sections. The first resume’s top personal achievement was finishing an RPG video game first before any of her friends. The second person’s included an entire section of clip art icons detailing interests. Two rows, 5 icons each. The standouts were an electrical pole titled “Things You Should Know,” a baby rattle “My Kids,” pants “New Pants” and the best one, a camera “Staring at Photos.”
    Not looking at, not enjoying, not appreciating… staring.

      1. Allison*

        Seriously, when I can find pants that both fit and flatter my weird not-model body, I feel pretty damn accomplished!

    1. Code Monkey, the SQL*

      What, exactly, would I need to know about an electrical pole?

      Or am I better off not asking that question.

      Also: “Honey? Where are my paaaaaaaaaants?” *laugh track*

  37. Anonyna*

    I once got a resume from someone who listed game hunting under a hobbies section. Which, I mean, okay, I suppose. He then further elaborated that he enjoyed “watching the life leave their eyes” O_o

      1. Anonyna*

        Yeah, that was my reaction. It’s probably worth noting that this was at a time when the Canadian government was cracking down on unemployment claims from seasonal workers, and we were getting a lot of people that didn’t actually want to work but had to prove they were actively looking for work. So we would get people that would show up for interviews looking like they’d just rolled out of bed, eating food from a competitor and asking us to sign a document we interviewed them. But still. There’s ways to avoid getting a job that don’t involve looking like a sociopath.

    1. Gaia*

      Does anyone else get the feeling that the “game” he “hunts” might be “human?”

      Creepy.

      1. The New Wanderer*

        I’ve read at least two novels featuring serial killers that use that same phrase. It’s … memorable.

    2. Kathleen_A*

      I…I mean…Well…

      OK, I know plenty of people who hunt, but this isn’t a hunter. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a psycho.

      1. Anion*

        Yes. Being a game hunter wouldn’t make me bat an eyelash, but that…no. None of the game hunters I’ve ever known *wanted* to “watch the life leave their eyes,” because seeing that meant they hadn’t killed it with one merciful shot.

      2. Specialk9*

        I’m going to sincerely hope this was someone who was trying hard not to get a job. Disturbing.

    3. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

      Eyrrrgh. I mean, I have a joke jar on my desk that says “ashes of problem students” but a) it’s a joke, and b) I keep it stocked with Snickers that I feed people who attend office hours.

  38. Somnambule*

    I was hiring lab technicians and one applicant had a section called “awesome skills” on his resume. He listed he could tie shoelaces with his tongue, walk on his hands and play the triangle. We were very tempted to invite him to an interview and have him demonstrate a combination of these three skills.

    A few months later, a college student applied for a summer internship by sending us copies of love letters he wrote to his high school crush as a proof of his writing skills.

    1. Ella*

      Meanwhile, at the circus, there’s a hiring manager going, “Why did this candidate include a list of papers accepted for publication at peer-reviewed scientific journals on his clown application?”

    2. Little*

      Walk on his hands and/while playing the triangle? Or “…walk on his hands, and play the triangle”?

  39. Me*

    I recently reviewed a resume where a candidate for a job in the US who had received her degree in the US and presumably had been born and raised in the US listed that she was fluent in English other skills. No other languages were listed, just English.
    Another resume I reviewed recently labeled the section that is typically labeled “Education” as “Student Loans,” and her experience section was labeled “All in a Day’s Work.” Clever I guess, but not enough to get me to interview her.

    1. MuseumChick*

      I kind get listing fluent in English. I’ve come across so many job posting that say something like “Must be able to effectively communicate. Proficient in written and spoke English a must.”

    2. Dankar*

      I have a dear friend who listed her languages on her first resume thus:

      Japanese – Fluent
      English – Proficient

      English is her first language. We all had a great laugh about that when we reviewed her resume. I think we caught it before she applied anywhere, though.

    3. Fortitude Jones*

      I chuckled at the Student Loans section. A girl after my own heart (and God, do I empathize with her there).

    4. Pathfinder Ryder*

      My Asian-American friend who was born and raised in the US once told me her immigrant father was advising her to put her English fluency on her resume.

  40. Your Weird Uncle*

    A woman just out of university who listed her appearance as an extra on a well-known ‘reality’ tv show at the time. She had no applicable experience, but her CV included a sentence along the lines of ‘I’m good enough to do it, I’m smart enough to do it, and by gosh I WILL do it!’

    1. FrontRangeOy*

      That’s a Mary Kay thing O.o
      I recently sat through a consultants meeting as a favor to a friend and they used that sentence everywhere.

      (The meeting utterly failed to work it’s magic on me. Didn’t join as a consultant – don’t need to, get my fulfillment, success, and achievement through the far more traditional media of volunteer work and paid work.)

  41. Dovahkiin*

    Under most recent experience, a candidate listed “CEO, [Candidate’s Last Name] Inc.”
    I googled the company. Nothing. Hmmmm.
    During the phone interview, I asked them if they had started their own company, and what that company did. They said, “Yes, I’m founder and CEO of [Candidates’s Last Name], Inc. and so far, I’ve been sending out lots of resumes.”

      1. Bryce*

        They’re shopping around for an infusion of venture capital.

        Should have named it [Candidate’s Last Name] Blockchain Inc.

    1. JamieS*

      This reminds me of when a co-worker quit and sent out a goodbye email saying she was resigning to be the COO of the Johnson Family. She was quitting to be a SAHM.

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      Was their cover letter written in the style of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” lyrics?

      1. Fiennes*

        Photoshop, SQL
        And Six Sigma plus Excel
        Balanced all the budget lines
        Cut all customer wait times
        Aced certification test
        References upon request!

        1. wendelenn*

          We will start your hire
          ‘Cause we’re always burnin’ for the skills you’re learnin’
          We will start your hire
          So don’t try to fight it ’cause you’re just the right fit

    2. Anion*

      That’s an instant no-hire for me.

      (Not really, because I wouldn’t turn someone down for that…but boy, I’d be tempted.)

  42. Jaune Desprez*

    I had an applicant who listed cake baking/decorating and costuming his cat as hobbies. This was on a physician CV. I was 100% ready to interview him, but someone else grabbed him first!

    1. couldn't think of any good username*

      Inside the heart of that man is a lovely grandma who spoils her grand kids.

  43. Ange*

    My personal favourite was the guy who claimed that he had sold 250 VHS tapes to a Russian diplomat at a famous department store using only the power of mime and his charisma. He also claimed to have taken it upon himself to “optimise” the IT system at his last job. The job he was going for is not IT-related and “optimising” our systems would result in invalidating the warranties for equipment that costs in the £100,000 range.

      1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

        I did too. I’d like confirmation from Ange. Cuz I have a wicked visual that could go either way!

        1. Lissa*

          I dunno, I can’t get out of their invisible boxes either. When I was a volunteer at a library, one of my jobs was entertaining a line full of children waiting for a program. I did string tricks, which are mildly entertaining on their own, but my co-volunteer a lot of those days was a mime and I was more entertaining as his sidekick. I had a knack for “seeing” his constructions (seriously, he had an invisible maze he’d have kids run, and I could see when they were running through the obstacles) so I frequently had to deal with being “boxed in”. One time he and another mime had a box war in which they enclosed me in smaller and smaller boxes. I ended up in a very small ball on the floor, much to the delight of the children.

  44. Sandy*

    I see a resume every so often where someone was using a template and forgot to delete things like “List Experience Here.”

    A recent one had this listed at the bottom: “References Available Upon RequestGood rough draft-just work on the revisions I suggested above.”

    1. Jadelyn*

      Whoops. Cringing in sympathy on that one. I’ve gotten a few partly-filled templates that still have filler text in them too.

    2. Parenthetically*

      I JUST submitted a resume yesterday and lost sleep the night before in fear that I was going to miss a glaring typo or some of the Latinesque gibberish used as filler text in the template.

    3. Kelly L.*

      Yep, I got one of those recently. I’d overlook it, but he also ignored the application instructions and the skills test instructions, so I feel like there’s a pattern in this case!

    4. Pip*

      Ha ha, re: the revisions, in University I used to email my essays to my Mum to proofread (she was a professor in a different but writing heavy field so she always had good comments). Once while I was sick and a little fuzzy-headed I had an assignment that was electronic submission and I got the files mixed up and submitted the version she marked up with her comments. The comment back from the marker was “It appears that this has been proofread by someone. I agree with that person’s comments.” I didn’t get a great mark on that one lol.

  45. Frinkfrink*

    The one time I was in a position to look over resumes (very small company, my boss got 300 resumes in response to an ad, got overwhelmed and threw them at me with instructions to pick 10 for him to look at) I think the one that took the cake was on dark purple gatefold paper with the two wings that folded closed rounded off at the top in a sort of church-window fashion. Every inch of the paper had information on it, in 8-point font. I was able to glean that the applicant had worked in the finance industry for years in some capacity or other, but it was pretty much illegible otherwise, between the color of the paper and the teeniness of the font.

    1. (Different) Rebecca, PhD*

      SOMEone resents their parents making them give up that Fine Arts major for Accounting/Business…

  46. sometimeswhy*

    One woman listed her year as an exotic dancer on her resume for a very technical position. She was young, didn’t get that you could, you know, leave stuff off the resume. It was pretty obvious she’d done the work while in school and the next job was a technical workstudy thing at her university.

    When asked during the interview why she put it on, she didn’t miss a beat and tied it into soft skills and being able to deal with an unpredictable workplace and unreasonable people.

    Reader, she got the job.

      1. MuseumChick*

        Sadly, I think a lot of places would see she was a dancer and not bother to interview her at all not matter what else was on her resume. Somtimeswhy, huge kudos for not judging her and given her a chance!

        1. sometimeswhy*

          Thanks. She went from entry-level to supervising (then back to the technical side, by choice) in under five years. Feeling good about that one.

        2. Moose*

          I almost wonder if it wasn’t just that she didn’t realize that she didn’t have to put every job on her interview. Maybe she didn’t want to work for an employer who would judge someone for that, or have that type of culture, so she thought she’d weed them out by including it.

    1. nnn*

      Good for her! (And frankly, when I was a student in a technical workstudy, I would have loved to have someone with those kinds of soft skills working alongside me!)

    2. LostInTheStacks*

      Honestly, I know a few exotic dancers and their hard skills are impressive, too. Not just the ability to dance, but the ability to hammer out contracts with club owners and manage their finances. (Most essentially function as independent contractors, as far as I can tell, and it can get complicated trying to schedule time and actually profit from it.) I respect all women on principle, but my respect for exotic dancers and other sex workers has gone through the roof since I learned a bit more about the actual mechanics of their jobs.

      1. the_scientist*

        A blogger I used to read regularly did a really fascinating anonymous interview with a woman who had been a dancer at a very high end club in LA. She went to like, an amateur night at a local place, started dancing regularly (I believe she was studying engineering, actually!), and then was recruited by this luxury club. And by luxury, she said the girls had personal training sessions 3x/week, hair appointments 1-2x per/month, regular wax appointments and weekly mani/pedis, all paid for by the club.
        Anyway, what was interesting to me was she said there were a few women who were obviously into the shadier side of the business, but many (especially at higher-end places) were doing it to pay for school or whatever. The ones who used it as a stepping stone all had “an exit plan and a savings account.” She also went into a lot of detail about exactly how much money she made, and it was quite illuminating. There was definitely no shame in this woman’s game and she was able to do VERY well for herself dancing for only a year or two.

      2. Jules the 3rd*

        +1.

        Also, as someone who likes to dance for fun, I am in awe of some of their dance skills. The isolations, the sheer strength some of those moves require…

    3. Dr Wizard, PhD*

      I put a full-time acting gig on my resume for a government position. Mostly because it was my most recent work experience and let me gloss over an awkward post-PhD period with a botched move abroad. I was also able to parlay it into talking about people and teamwork skills.

      Also got the job!

      1. Kateedoo*

        I mean, Alison recommends college students have internships and actual jobs like waiting tables, etc. on their resumes so they can demonstrate real world work experience, even if it’s not an office job. Being a dancer is work! I would include it and if a company writes me off or judges me for it I wouldn’t want to work for them anyway.

    4. Chris*

      To be fair, being able to deal with unpredictability mixed with moments of screaming chaos and high pressure in my industry is why ex-military often ticks a ‘plus’ box for me… I suspect there are similarities (but without the unfortunate flip-side tendency for a need for regimented structure).

      Somehow I feel putting this on the qualifications list would not net the desired result though.

  47. Queen of Cans & Jars*

    I had a husband and wife apply with the same application.

    These were people who we’d already fired before.

    1. Queen of Cans & Jars*

      The fact that they’d already been fired and were applying again is honestly not at all notable to me any more.

    2. Isobel*

      I had a husband and wife apply together for one position, with a single resume. It listed degrees and experience, with dates, but did not differentiate between spouses. They were working artists and explained they preferred to share a job and decide among themselves who would show up on any given day.

      They provided a link to their art portfolio. (The position I was hiring for was not art-related.) I looked and their art involved nude photos of themselves, digitally combined and altered into sort of amorphous abstracts.

      (I feel like I may have told this story here once before, a couple of years back.)

  48. nonanon*

    A female applicant put “Bachelorette Degree” on her resume and when I called her to screen, let her know of, what I had assumed, was a typo. She assured me that she did, indeed, have a Bachelorette degree because she’s not a man. Duh.

    1. Kathleen_A*

      Aw. That is both hilarious and so, so sad. It reminds me a little bit of a friend’s daughter who went through a weird phase when she was about 4 where she refused to wear anything but pink because “Pink is for girls!” This horrified her parents, of course, but she eventually grew out of it, thank goodness. She’s an accountant now.

      I’m thinking your bachelorette did not. :-)

    2. BadWolf*

      In a college group where I was updating the website, the professor wanted to put me down as “Web Mistress.” I assured him that “Web Master” was fine despite being a woman.

      1. AlwhoisthatAl*

        There was a roleplaying website I used to be on – (Dungeons and Dragons, not “I’m the Stable Boy and you’re the harsh Riding Mistress” – BEFORE anyone asks !) and one lady got her female fighter up to a level where she became a Knight…but she insisted she was a Knightess and proceeded to post everywhere as Knightess of the Realm

        1. Jane*

          My understanding is that in the British honours system, knight is correct for a man or woman. The honorific changes (Sir/Dame), but it is okay to say that Dame Judi Dench has a knighthood. It does sound weird, though, so most people would say “damehood”, but knighthood is technically correct.

    3. Miss Pantalones en Fuego*

      I did go through a phase of telling people I had a Mistress degree, just to be funny. It never went on my resume like that, though…

  49. lalalindz22*

    This is definitely not “weird,” more like “dumb.” We interviewed a candidate who had a resume full of mistakes. Her previous job was working at the student union of her university, and she had put Sept 2015 to Apr 2017. But she was saying in the interview that she was still working there. We were so confused; is that another error on your resume? Or did you indeed leave a year ago? She was using the present tense in talking about it and saying all the current stuff she was doing. I didn’t want to point out the error in the middle of the interview, but how do you mess that up?

    1. fposte*

      I get stuff from students like this a lot; like one resume that had her education as
      Undergrad Year She Graduated
      Grad School (Us) Year She Started

      It took some work to figure out that’s what she meant and that she hadn’t graduated herself out of a student job.

        1. ArtK*

          Argh… I used HTML notation and it vanished (d’oh!)

          Master of Science in Engineering, Expected [semester, year]

      1. Elizabeth H.*

        To be fair this is usually how people talk about undergrad and grad years colloquially! So it actually makes sense to put it that way or think of it that way. It just doesn’t make sense to list it that way on a resume because of that exact confusion.

        1. fposte*

          I think my formatting fail lost my point–this person had the exact same structure for each institution but used a single year for completion year in one and *start* year on the other; the formatting generally means that you’ve completed your degree, and this was for a job for people just starting their degree. I’ve never seen anybody do that–they use ArtK’s “expected” locution or they do a date range for each with current year plus hyphen for the program they’re starting.

        2. Elizabeth H.*

          Yes that makes total sense. Like,
          University of North Dakota, 2016, PhD in Electrical Engineering
          Harvard University, 2014, B.S. in Electrical Engineering
          Very confusing in that format!

    2. Chameleon*

      My only guess is that she wrote the resume in Apr 2017 and didn’t realize she could put “Present” as a date, then forgot to update it? (I…uh…did something similar recently. Still got an interview but I could have kicked myself.)

  50. Eugenie*

    I work at a botanic garden. I once got a resume which was a picture of a plant that looked like it was drawn in Microsoft Paint and each leaf had a different element listed like “I like to garden” and “I have visited many times” — both the pictorial format and non-specific accomplishments landed that one in the reject pile.

    1. AMT*

      The idea that being a fan of X is an actual *qualification* for employment at X (as opposed to a nice-to-have or a given) seems surprisingly common. I remember a thread a while back in which people who worked at gaming companies mentioned how many resumes they get from people who aren’t actually qualified, but are obsessive fans of the company.

  51. KitKat*

    I once got a resume for a tutoring position that listed several retail-type jobs and under each one was a bullet that just said “Skills used: quickness”

  52. Lentils*

    I got one that was a single page from a recent college graduate, which was entirely “I” statements. Most of which were not relevant to the job requirements. I really wanted to contact her and politely suggest she look up resume formatting because it really just seemed like nobody had told her how to write one and I felt bad.

    1. Risha*

      I’ve never actually answered “why do you want this position” with “I need money,” but I’ve often thought it.

    2. raktajino*

      When I was a teenager, I volunteered at a place where they occasionally hired people on for part-time work. My boss told me that if I ever was interested in the paid work, it was basically mine–just let her know.

      So a month or so later, I called her up and said I would accept the paid position. She laughed and explained that I would have to *apply*.

    3. Anastasia Beaverhousen*

      I got a cover letter once that just said “Guy”. I was confused by that.

      1. Bored IT Guy*

        Just looking at my Facebook news feed, there’s a lot of native English speakers that don’t know how to properly speak (or write) in English.

    1. Catelyn*

      I feel like fluent in English is okay if you are also fluent in another language, but on it’s own…

  53. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

    We had a guy apply for a junior faculty role in Teapot Research, and his 40+ page CV was largely (1) paragraphs of description of his accomplishments in several different fields, awards, teaching philosophy, leadership philosophy, etc., (2) photos of himself standing in front of institutions at which he apparently has spoken, (3) photos of books he may have had something to do with (contributions unnamed), (4) a page of logos of institutions that have libraries in which these books are housed. Also, the letters after his name span an entire page. But unfortunately, among this colorful panoply of accomplishments, there was zero Teapot research. Apparently he applied for everything at our institution, because someone in another totally unrelated department mentioned that she got the craziest resume – he had applied there also.

    1. Anonymeece*

      I swear, faculty resumes/CVs are the worst. I’ve been on many hiring committees for faculty and oh dear goodness…

      1. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

        I wish I could share, it’s spectacular! There is also a graphic used in a couple of places that represents giant wings, with the inscription ‘Dare to Soar.’

  54. Stop trying to make fetch happen*

    I’m sure there was a comment on a recent open thread about a resume that included inspirational quotes from teen films.

  55. Kathleen_A*

    A couple of years ago, I received a resume written in all lower-case. Like e.e. cummings or something (and BTW, even he did sometimes use capital letters). And this was for a writing/editing job. I think the cover letter was more conventional, but still, these books and articles that urge job applicants to “Make Your Resume Stand Out!) have a lot to answer for.

    1. Jadelyn*

      Gods, don’t they though? I always feel so bad for resumes I get from people who’ve obviously been the victim of some Very Bad Advice.

  56. Run By Fruiting*

    Not a resume, but I once had a problematic employee who really oversold their duties when asked to detail them. One example was sending this weekly report that sounded very important and official and impressed my boss…until I explained that all that was required for this report was literally attaching a file that was automatically generated to an email.

  57. Jadelyn*

    My favorite was the one whose email address was TRUCKNUTZ69@[whoever, I don’t remember now], and it was prominently displayed across the top of his resume. Just for the sheer effrontery of it, I guess – it takes some big TRUCKNUTZ to put that at the top of your resume.

    Runners-up include the 11-page resume for an executive position that started with the guy’s very first job as a dishwasher in a convent in the 70s and exhaustively included position and duties for every. single. job. he had had in the intervening 40 years, and the one that was all in Comic Sans, multicolored text and highlighting between lines (so one would have blue text over red highlight, the next would be yellow text over green highlight, etc.), and clip art of cartoon characters and corporate logos in the margins. I never did figure out what the hell was up with that one.

    Oh, and not a resume, but a guy once made a point of telling us how much he could bench press in his cover letter – for a bank teller role.

  58. Apocalypse How*

    I’ve seen some odd things on acting resumes. A production might really be looking for someone who can do unique skills like juggling or belly-dancing. However, I don’t think putting “eating” and “driving” as unique skills is going to distinguish you from anybody.

    1. LostInTheStacks*

      Driving might be a less-than-common skill depending on the location? Something like 75% of the residents of NYC don’t have a driver’s license…

      But yeah, I don’t think “eating” is going to impress anybody.

    2. Shellesbelles*

      Oh god…I’ve fallen into this trap. An audition form for a group audition had a section requesting special skills and somehow I didn’t realize that they were talking specifically about dance/movement/acrobatic skills. And that’s how I ended up yodelling in a dance call…I got the job though!

    3. Alice Ulf*

      That’s like something a robot would put on its resume to convince you of its humanity. “I enjoy breathing oxygen!”

    4. Darrow*

      Perhaps she meant ‘eating and driving’- like at the same time? I don’t think that is any better but it may explain why she felt it was significant enough to be considered a skill.

  59. Xarcady*

    My boss insisted I interview the daughter of a friend for an editor position we had open. The entire interview, including the resume which I did not get to see until the interview, was memorable.

    The candidate: Long unwashed hair that appeared not to have been combed that day, with a straggly part. Worn, faded, wrinkled, stretched out black tee shirt. Grayed bra straps showing where the neck of the tee shirt was stretched out. Wrinkled long black knit skirt. Green sandals. Chipped dark red finger-and-toe nail polish.

    The resume: Two single-spaced pages listing every job she’d had in the past three years. After her personal info and college degree, each entry was two lines long and included the company name, her title, the company address and phone number. No other information. If I recall correctly, it was about 13 jobs in three years. She liked “learning new things, ” which was why she changed jobs so often.

    She had one reference listed–her high school band director. She played the tuba. Her reason for wanting the editor position: “Words are, like, fun, you know. Better than numbers. I don’t do numbers real well. That’s why I’ve left some of my jobs.”

    I cheerfully handed her over to my boss after speaking with her for half an hour. My boss did not insist that we hire her.

      1. Jules the 3rd*

        Long knit black skirt and all?

        That is actually something a couple of my (cis, male, mostly straight, goth) ex’s would wear, though usually they were better groomed than this.

  60. Hope Springs*

    I live in a state where you have to apply for jobs as a condition of receiving unemployment, so that may account for this. This resume was dropped off after advertising a software development position (this was pre-internet and you still advertised in the local papers).

    It was printed on stiff yellow paper and on the back was a primarily red drawing of a dragon. The individual had recently worked at a hardware store where a duty was mixing paint, which was a highlighted as a skill of “prioritizing paint”. I did have to admire trying the attempt to spin a work duty into a describable skill.

  61. Five percent*

    Okay, technically not a resume, but here is the *entire* cover letter I received for an internship I was hiring for–can’t resist sharing:

    “‘Sansa’,
    I noticed your job ad for an internship and I wish to apply.
    If I seem over qualified then I can accept your offer stipend by allowing you to use only 5% of my brain capacity.
    Hope to hear back from you,
    ‘Arya’.”

    1. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

      Maybe should have used more than 5% brainpower on that cover letter.

  62. Gordon Greene*

    “Trying to learn to play golf.” I found the wording ridiculous. He doesn’t play golf, and he isn’t even learning to play golf. He is TRYING to learn. Good grief!

    1. Arjay*

      I feel like this is an accurate description of my golf skills, but I wouldn’t include it on my resume. :)

  63. AvidReader31*

    I worked for an agency that required the hiring of interim staff (from Jan. – May) for the work period (legislative). I have personally seen all sorts of “unique” resumes. But my favorite looked like it was an application for a dating website. The person included their work history (totally normal), but put their photo on the resume, and at the bottom, included their hobbies and likes – ie) gardening, knitting, going to the beach, cooking, etc. I was amazed that this person thought it was in any way appropriate to submit a resume that was more suited for “The Bachelor” than a professional job. Oh and this wasn’t someone just out of college. The individual appeared to be middle-aged (based on photo and work history).

    1. Adereterial*

      Including hobbies and interests at the end of a CV is common in the UK and across Europe, too.

      1. AlwhoisthatAl*

        Being in the UK and a penniless graduate I put “going to Beer festivals” on mine and got the interview because of it – we chatted about beer for a few minutes but sadly I lacked the experience. He said that it made a change to have an honest hobby rather than all the ones trying desperately to link in with the job in question

    2. user7447*

      In many European countries you are required to add the Hobby section and a picture. In my country even the info about the applicant’s marital status used to be added just a few years ago and I’m sure many people still do that. So maybe your applicant just came from a different culture.

      Actually I’ve even seen this information (including the marital status!) requested for jobs at international organisations (e.g. United Nations).

    3. saffytaffy*

      This is very normal in many other countries. Could that have had something to do with it?

  64. Eve*

    I had a resume that listed one of the local dance clubs. She clarified on the resume she was a server and not a dancer “because she wasn’t that type of girl”. Honestly the clarification was what turned me off.

    1. Eve*

      I will also say she had a handwritten resume and asked me to photocopy it so she would continue to hand them out. Handwritten I didn’t mind. At least bring your own copy for me though.

        1. Elizabeth H.*

          My lease is handwritten on carbon paper! My landlord writes out a copy for each new lessee (there are six tenants and most of them stay for a while, so I guess it’s not that much writing).

          1. Tina Belcher's Less Cool Sister*

            I had a handwritten lease when I moved to a new state, and the DMV literally wouldn’t accept it as proof of residency when I was getting my new license. This was less than a year ago…

          2. nonymous*

            wot? my lease is like 10 pages. There’s the neighborhood association rules, and the state mandatory disclaimers for mold and mildew and lead, and the page that covers rent and deposit amounts and the timing for how to renew. Just the contact info for everyone is like half a page.

  65. Chronic DeLurker*

    Apparently somebody who applied with us pasted a screenshot of his carpooling app profile to show how trustworthy he is. For a management job.

  66. The Other Dawn*

    Not super strange. Someone listed their two-time participation in a Miss (state) pageant and where she placed (she didn’t win). Not weird if you’re applying for something related to PR, TV or something similar I guess (her ultimate goal was to be in broadcasting and be in front of a camera), but she was applying for a position that involves researching accounts for suspicious activity. Very tedious, behind the scenes and lots of quality alone time with the computer. I assume she left it on there because she thought it would impress us, or she just forgot.

  67. Pizza & Puns*

    I just received one for a retail position that was 5 pages including a full page advertising his you-tube channel and a separate full page for his pizza delivery service. For a fee, he will pick up your pizza for you and deliver it to you and tell you some pizza themed jokes. Oh why yes, there were examples. (What’s a dog’s favorite kind of pizza, PUPeroni!). Got quite a chuckle out of it.

      1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

        It’s true. For five bucks he will go to the pizza place and then your house!

  68. Goosela*

    I’m currently hiring a few summer interns in various departments throughout my company. One kid submitted a “real” resume for one opening, then submitted a picture of a cat saying “I would really like to work for your company. Find me on LinkedIn” on the rest of the postings.

    Despite his real resume being okay, he did not get an interview.

  69. Cake Wad*

    I received a resume with a misspelled first name (compared to his application and all other materials). His name was…

    Jim

    1. Catalin*

      Semi-related: I dated someone named Jim once and due to my accent, someone thought his name was “Gem”. They thought it was super cool.

    2. quincy james*

      Ha! one of my best friends is legendary in my family for misspelling his name in his own email address – think “jonahtan” instead of “jonathan”. it’s still his primary email address…

  70. Sara*

    Not a resume, but I once got a cover letter where the girl anagrammed her name.
    A… is for accomplished
    S….skillful
    H….is for hard worker
    And so on for her entire first and last name. Ashley didn’t get an interview.

    For the same job posting I also got a resume where instead of attaching his resume, the poor guy accidentally attached a letter from his mom telling him to get a job and stop taking money from his grandfather. He didn’t get an interview either. I still wonder if he ever stopped mooching off his grandpa.

    1. Mary Mary*

      Good grief I got a letter of recommendation for an applicant once with that same acronym thing! It was kinda horrifying, particularly coming from a recommender who was, one assumes, a somewhat-established professional in the field

  71. LBG*

    My husband used to put “running with the bulls” at the bottom of the his resume (activities/interests). He said it was a good conversation starter. He did run w/ the bulls in Pamplona one year during law school, so he had a real story to go with it.

  72. Libby*

    My coworker at my old job received one once that was a screenshot of the guy’s LinkedIn page, with one job listed and no bullet points of what he did. It took up maybe a third of the page.

    1. Jadelyn*

      I’ve gotten a few of those – people just exporting their LI profile and using that in lieu of a resume. Drives me bonkers.

  73. all aboard the anon train*

    I’ve seen quite a few resumes that list fanfic and it’s even worse when it’s fanfic for books that my company publishes. I’m in fandom and enjoy writing/reading fanfic, but no one is going to hire someone who wrote fanfic for X series to work with that author. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

    There have been a few who have linked to their fanfic and well…….I checked out of pure curiosity (none of them were invited for an interview). One was a really great author. Another had some of the more hardcore kinks fandom loves (and ones that make me uncomfortable), and I was just baffled that someone would think it’s a good idea to link to their erotica on a resume.

    1. Trig*

      Ha, I guess I can see them going for ‘familiarity with the subject matter’ there, not realising how it comes across.

    2. Staying anon*

      We once had an applicant supply a chapter from their sports-themed erotic novel as a writing sample. They were not hired.

    3. Lindsay J*

      One of my employees gave me her time off requests on a post-it note (or possibly a business card, it’s been a long time) that had her personal web address, along with an anime style drawing of two guys kissing at the bottom of it. Her website was full of erotic fanfiction. I also had to tell her multiple times to stop talking about her previous job as a professional dominatrix at work.

    4. FuzzFrogs*

      I’ve heavily debated showing my fanfiction to my husband, much less to an employer. Yikes!

  74. Thea*

    Poems. For a position that had nothing to do with poetry or writing at all. So instead of a nice, relevant cover letter, the applicant wrote a short paragraph about herself, and then added three poems she had written. And they weren’t even good poems…

    1. many bells down*

      I uh … wrote a poem for my college application essay. A very bad ballad-form about marine biology.

      I got into my two first choices and a third, so either that wasn’t as terrible as I thought, or they just didn’t read it because my SAT scores were high.

      1. nonymous*

        My state has this “admissions index” that uses SAT and GPA to determine entrance likelihood. Until 2005 anyone who scored a 70 or higher on the grid was offered admission at my undergrad alma mater. I possibly could have tanked it with a crappy application essay, but it used to be that essays were a way to strengthen applications that were on the cusp, and an exercise in navel gazing for high-scorers.

    2. HR Bee*

      My husband’s company asks all applicants to write a poem about their job experience. Not even joking. I’m told they do it just to see if you can follow directions and/or make yourself do something out of the ordinary when instructed. It’s… really weird, honestly.

      1. Jules the 3rd*

        When you find that your product sticks
        Or your computers turn into bricks,
        Just give me a call
        I’ll handle it all
        I love to have problems to fix.

    3. Fiennes*

      When I worked as a law clerk, when I handed in my memorandum about each case, I would add a haiku about that case for my judge to read.

      Like:

      Is he disabled?
      Subjective complaints of pain
      Known and yet unseen

      This is a “know your boss” thing, because he absolutely loved it and many judges absolutely would not.

      1. periwinkle*

        If you send an Outlook meeting notice set to “free” status and all-day duration, it will just appear as a banner on the calendar. It’s convention in my division to send out our out-of-office/vacation notices this way. I got bored with just writing “vacation” or “meeting clients at Casterly Rock campus”, so I switched to writing haiku out-of-office messages.

        Sunrise takes me south –
        King’s Landing I must see, but
        I will check emails

  75. Caroline*

    Not on a resume, but back when I worked at Barnes & Noble, we got a job application from someone whose previous experience included a truck driving position. Description of duties: “Driving over the road.”

    1. Master Bean Counter*

      That’s actually a legit description. Driving over the road and driving local are almost two different skill sets.

        1. couldn't think of any good username*

          You will not believe the amount of accidents I’ve seen due to people not getting their under road driver’s license.

    2. essEss*

      This one is valid. There are different designations of truck drivers. OTR (over the road) are long haul truck drivers versus truck drivers that do local routes. Your applicant was giving you valid information about the type of trick driving they did. http://work.chron.com/define-otr-driver-6971.html

    3. nr*

      When application forms make me list every single job I’ve ever had ever in my entire life, when I get back to the old lifeguarding ones I give as a description “Guard lives.” If they’re going to make me fill out the form, I’m going to slack on describing what a lifeguard does.

  76. Heather*

    One person included a favorite quote: The best vitamin for making friends…. B1! This was not the only problem with their resume, but it did give me a good laugh while tossing into the rejection pile.

  77. Not allowed to be anonymous*

    One guy started his email with “I love your beer! [BEER THAT IS NOT OURS] is my current obsession!”

    It got wilder from there.

    1. Not allowed to be anonymous*

      Aha, found the resume. He mentions honing his skills as “a master of organization development, a passionate political arguer, becoming a father, and trying to be nice to everyone I meet.” His passions include collaboration, socialized medicine, self-reflection, persuasion, social justice, emergence, storytelling, photography, puns, futurism, political science, social science, podcasts, history. Baby boomers often use him to explain the twitter! But his kids utilize him for making delicious snacks, and for creative character voices during bedtime reading.

      A full 3-page version of the resume was available upon request. We declined.

      1. Captain S*

        He sounds absolutely insufferable. Anyone who thinks they are that woke are never that woke.

      2. Not a Mere Device*

        If he can actually blend passionate political argument with being nice to everyone he meets, I’m impressed.

        1. FuzzFrogs*

          I know someone (several someones, but one in particular) like this. What he really means by it is, “I will rant about my political opinion until you give a response that I don’t have a snappy comeback to, then I will make a sympathetic face, nod, and change the subject.” And honestly, that’s why we’re still friendly acquaintances, because that’s a better option than the ones that want to fight me. (Also, he is legit down with we gays and doesn’t like Trump, so fiscal conservatism is…fine, all things considered.)

      3. Temperance*

        Okay I’m probably a horrible person, but I see “becoming a father” and think that it’s literal. ;)

        1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

          Oh, I completely thought it was literally at that moment. Like my man needs a job now, cuz the baby’s coming.

        1. Not allowed to be anonymous*

          Yeah and I didn’t even mention the links to his Instagram and Masters thesis…

      4. PersephoneUnderground*

        OMG, “passionate political arguer” run awaaaaay! Dude sounds like he likes the sound of his own voice. Or, to use the classic term, sounds like a boor. Also possibly my mother’s ex who liked thinking he was a good person while making everything all about himself and actually being awful to her.

      5. PSB*

        His whole resume would be in the trash as soon as I got to “passionate political arguer,” no matter where his beliefs lie.

      6. Lindsay J*

        Is it just me, or is honing your skills at becoming a father, possibly just a way to describe having lots of unprotected sex?

        Like, honing your skills at being a father would be different, but skills at becoming a father?

  78. nnn*

    It was the kind of application form where you’re supposed to upload your resume as an attachment, and one candidate uploaded a Word document that contained one line: “Resume available upon request.”

    1. Longtime Listener, First time Caller*

      The crazy part is, you literally were requesting their resume. That was the whole point of having a place to upload the resume. Did they need a certified letter requesting their resume? Or an engraved invitation? Or maybe a note delivered via carrier pigeons would have worked?

  79. OtterB*

    Not in the resume itself, but in the cover letter. We were hiring for a social science research assistant and the job description said we were looking for a degree in psychology, sociology, or other relevant field. This person had apparently pulled all the job listings mentioning “psychology” because her cover letter gushed about how much she looked forward to putting her counseling skills to use for our clients. SO not what the position involved.

  80. A Person*

    At old job we advertised for a position requiring experience with financial accounting systems, among other things.

    The number of resumes we received from gas station/ Walmart / fast food cashiers was staggering.

  81. Parcae*

    I once saw a copy of my great-uncle’s resume from (I think) the 1940s. It included his religion, marital status, and parents’ country of origin. It also noted that he was a non-drinker. I assume that was once the convention, but maybe my uncle was the crazy job applicant of his day!

    1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

      I’ve noted this before, but in the early part of this century, I updated my sister’s resume from the 1970s (because she kept moving around her company, she never had to.) It listed: height, weight, marital status, smoker. Freaked me out.

  82. Just Tired*

    Once received a resume that was written in the form of a recipe:

    “1/2 cup working with individuals on their job skills”
    “2 tsp crisis intervention”
    “3 cups supervising staff.”

    That kind of thing. And there were little clip art gingerbread men all over it. And I remember the paper being pink. No actual time spent in jobs (list of jobs at the bottom), or list of skills. It was up to us to figure out what to what the different measurements equated.

      1. Just Tired*

        Are you in Alaska? If so, heck of a coincidence. So am I. Another coincidence? Bruce Campbell is *my* hero as well. Gingerbread lady also wrote things like, “Dash of team player.” It was kind of exhausting to read, honestly.

    1. Chris*

      At least tell me the job was in a bakery, or a restaurant.. that would be … sort of clever, if not helpful at all..

      1. Just Tired*

        The position works with women who are staying in a domestic violence shelter. All I could see in my head was the applicant bouncing around the shelter telling residents to “Smile!” and “Don’t worry, be happy!” This is my number one worst ideas resume, closely followed by the applicant who put his therapist down as one of his references.

    1. Kathleen_A*

      It’s like…it’s like the applicant thought the resume needed to fit on top of a cake! And not a very big cake, either.

    2. Positive Reframer*

      There’s something artistic about that. My brain wants to tell me the story of that resume. I can almost imagine it being framed on the wall of a museum of the Great Recession or something.

      Its like they don’t even know how to try.

    3. Chris*

      Now, if you’d gotten a brief resume actually written on a cake, including the CAKE… you might have to give a pity interview. If only to see if more cake was forthcoming.

  83. AKchic*

    Oh boy. I worked as a front office admin/front line HR for a company that hired for remote work. I received ALL resumes and applications, I was the first person to screen all people through the door. They thought I was just the “receptionist”. No. I was the one low-key scoping them out, while performing background checks and reviewing the resumes and deciding who got interviews, scheduled drug tests (it was mandatory), required safety classes, making sure everyone had safety gear (again, remote sites, everyone was required to have their gear in case the plane went down in the arctic), etc.

    Some of the resumes were hilarious. We had one guy apply to be a site manager. His relevant experience? Night “stalking” for 6 months. He “stalked” shelves. He spent 3/4 of a page describing how diligently he “stalked” shelves at a local grocery store.

    Another one actually listed why he left each job. Fired, quit because the boss sucked (yes, that was a reason), but the one that stood out? Fired because he was in jail for attempted murder. Yeah… we didn’t interview him.

    One father/son duo we had high hopes for. Master electrician, journeyman son. Sent them for their drug tests. Son failed. His reasoning? It was an accident. Uh… you don’t just accidentally slip on a pile of drugs and ingest them dude. Father tried to double down – either we hire both or neither. We hired neither. Our contracts were very specific. We could not hire anyone with a failed UA.

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      OH! I mentioned recently that I got an application where the “reason for leaving” was listed as “boss was murdered”. I was kind of disappointed that one didn’t call back.

      1. AKchic*

        In the resume, he did note that he was found “not guilty on a technicality”. Not that he wasn’t actually not guilty, but found not guilty due to a technicality. Yeah… really want him working on a remote site with construction equipment and cooking utensils or cleaning supplies. No thank you!

    2. Plague of frogs*

      “Attempted murder? I’m sorry, we don’t hire anyone who can’t finish the task at hand.”

    3. Chris*

      Now I’m envisioning the night stalker throwing cans on the shelves, dressed like Judas Priest, playing air guitar…

        1. PersephoneUnderground*

          Bahaha! Thank you for the Bunnicula flashback (children’s book about a vampire bunny- I think one was called “The Celery Stalks at Midnight”).

  84. The work fairy*

    I have been waiting for a thread like this forever!
    In the past few months I have seen:
    – excessive use of emojis (more than 0 is excessive to me)
    – put down “working my ass off” as one of the bullet points for a position
    – a very “light” resume in the work history section, but a very detailed Karate section
    – a little OT, but I received a cover letter written without a single full sentence (as in: “experienced in customer service. knows how to sell. dedicated and hard working. would welcome call back for meeting and discussion”)

    1. Some2*

      anytime i see someone put martial arts proficiency on their resume I think of Dwight K. Schrute

    2. Hey Karma, Over here.*

      That last one was the cover letter? I want to say that’s sad, but it’s really annoying. There are resources, people.
      Even a bad resource could show you what a letter is!

  85. Irene Adler*

    Had someone apply for a full-time lab position.
    She was still attending school. Which was fine for us. We would be training them.
    But, she was also:
    -a member of a band
    -Navy Reserve
    -police Reserve
    -active in several community volunteer groups
    -participated in many school extracurricular activities
    And listed a whole host of accomplishments. Someone commented that it looked like she was trying to get in to med school. They were not impressed. No one person could possibly do all that was listed on the resume.

    Yep, we hired her. Somebody thought she was amazing.

    She was too busy to do her job.

    Always leaving early or arriving late for one reason or another. Usually a doctor’s appointment or something do to with military or police reserves. Can’t fault her for that. Or, she was constantly on the phone rescheduling appointments for getting into Army Reserve (she wanted out of Navy Reserve), switching from one local police Reserve to another locale, completely planning her wedding, etc. Then, she goes and gets a part-time job (and is dumb enough to tell me this). This quickly became a reason for not showing up for work two or three days in a row (“they needed me!”).

    1. LBK*

      There was actually a letter here asking about including WoW leadership experience on a resume! Link in reply.

      1. ZK*

        I got in to a “discussion” with a former co-worker about that, haha. I said WoW doesn’t belong on a resume, he said it did. We finally had to agree to disagree. If I were applying to work for Bliz, maybe. Yes, running a raid in WoW is a bit like herding cats, but I don’t think it really translates to anything else in the real world.

        Then again, with esports becoming a thing, I could certainly see “Professional Overwatch player for NYXL in support position and helped my team get all the way to the finals.” Most people wouldn’t have a clue what that meant, but they’re playing for pretty big money and considered professional. So maybe?

        1. Lynca*

          As someone that led raids in WoW, I agree. It’s not something I would ever put on my resume. I’d hesitate to put esports on there if it wasn’t relevant.

        2. LBK*

          Yeah, I do think it’s actually kind of impressive and really does take a lot of work, but you’re taking a big risk on whether your hiring manager will understand what goes into it, otherwise it’s probably going to come off badly. Only really appropriate if you’re applying to work at a company that’s somehow related to video games.

          1. LBK*

            (Although I wouldn’t put it under work experience or even volunteer experience, but I might put it under “other skills” or something like that.)

        3. Jady*

          My husband was actually a guild leader of WoW. For a serious guild (top world rankings etc), it most certainly does translate into real world experience. Especially ‘back in the day’ when raids required 40+.

          There was a lot of politics, so many politics. A lot of conflicting personalities had to be managed. A lot of mediation between people. Ensuring the entire team was properly supplied. Managing the guild finances. Managing the gear system – which ran at a zero-sum system – and dealing with all the people who couldn’t grasp the math of that. Keeping morale high. Sticking 40 people to a strict schedule. Working 20+ hours a week doing all that, on top of a full time day job. Recruiting to maintain that 40+ roster (there were actual voice-chat interviews and applications to fill out). Keeping track of rotating people in and out to ensure everyone got to participate.

          While I do agree that currently it doesn’t really have a place on a resume, it’s an actual shame that it doesn’t for a small group of people, because there’s a LOT that is valuable for those people.

    2. Positive Reframer*

      TBH I would consider that as much as leadership of any other social/community group. Leading volunteers is difficult in a way that leading in the workplace isn’t, granted its easier in a lot of ways too but not to be discounted entirely.

  86. Parenthetically*

    This is just the best day.

    I cringed pretty hard the last few days as I look at my resume that I’m suddenly updating after not needing to for ten years, so this is SUPER cathartic for me right now.

    1. paul*

      Same…I spent about 2 hours last night on and feel woefully bad at it…but I’m not listing weird non work stuff on it so yay me?

  87. Flinty*

    I don’t normally judge what people name their documents, but “resumewithmomsedits” got some side-eye from me!

    1. Parenthetically*

      Hahahaha

      Do you think they hit send and then all the blood drained from their face as they realized?

  88. ZK*

    Not something seen on a resume, but a weird resume itself. It was multi-pages, and not just 2 or 3. It was at least 10 pages and every page was printed on a different color of paper, BRIGHT colors too, so it was like a neon rainbow, and spiral bound. I could see it if she was applying for a job at a daycare or something, but anything else? Nope. I couldn’t even get past the eye searing colors to read it. I mean, I guess it achieved the goal to stand out, but so not in a good way.

    1. Irene Adler*

      TEN pages?
      Can’t imagine reading this let alone writing it.
      And multi-colored? Reject pile.

    2. The Other Katie*

      Sounds like someone found a copy of “What Color Is Your Parachute” from 1987 or so!

    3. SallyForth*

      Reminds me of the Elle Woods resume in pink with a spritz of cologne to give it that something special.

  89. WonderingAgain*

    I received a resume’ that listed all of the jobs the candidate had held, along with reasons for dismissal. Reasons included stealing on the job and getting caught smoking pot on the job.

    1. Irene Adler*

      At least they were totally forthcoming and (presumably) honest about why they left each job. Wonder if they mended their ways?

    2. LBK*

      Some online application systems ask you that, so I wonder if they just decided it was normal to provide.

      1. WonderingAgain*

        This was in the early 1990s, before online application systems. I wondered if someone had told him that he had to list that. It was quite surprising!

  90. hanya*

    I’m a manager in a large government department and was advertising for a job that required experience working in very specific areas, one of them being national security. One applicant wrote that he reads a lot of books in this area, and in fact at that very moment he was looking at these 3 books that were on his desk and proceeded to list them. He went on to indicate that if we went and got a record of all the books he had taken out of our internal work library over the past year we would see that he takes out the most books on national security out of any other employee. That was the only thing he wrote about how he met this experience criteria. We decided to go a different direction and so did not conduct an analysis of all the library books he had taken out.

  91. Good Millennial*

    I’m a daily reader but can’t remember the last time I commented (or the posting name I used). Had to chime in this time, though! When we had an open position that was half-admin-half-research-assistant, one applicant in his late twenties sent a resume that began with standard education/work history and continued on the 3rd page into a creative writing sample/series of diary entries. The entries covered every topic from a conversation with his dying grandfather, to his first sexual experience (3rd base graphically described, occurring in a back room of his parents’ church), to a very flowery description of doing drugs in a field with his best friends.

    Our office came up with several theories. I half regret never reaching out to him to confirm whether this was a prank, accident, or gross misunderstanding of the job posting.

    1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

      After reading this column for two years, I’m guessing my theory is the least likely, but what if he had been pranked? Like his brother added pages to his resume and poor dude didn’t know?
      Always check your documents, peppers!

  92. Moose*

    This isn’t the most damning, but still odd. Recently interviewed someone who put a LARPing club on her resume. As in, live action role playing. It wasn’t even a leadership position or anything…

    1. Moose*

      Should also add that we don’t work in gaming, performance, or any other industry where this would be remotely relevant.

    2. HR Bee*

      I know some people who do EXTENSIVE organizational and financial work, writing, management, the works, with a LARP. Easily enough hours put into it for a part-time job. I could see someone spinning that into transferable skills, if they were speaking to the right audience.

      Just playing, though? I dunno bout that.

    3. Dr Wizard, PhD*

      To be fair, I put it on mine (a brief mention in the ‘Hobbies’ line European CVs often have). As HR Bee mentioned above, I’ve written, organised and run a number of events and there are a lot of transferable skills. It’s also unique enough that it can stand out to interviewers and give them something to ask about.

      My interview for a government job actually ended up spending about ten minutes discussing this with the interview board, who were extremely interested. Got the job, too.

      But there’s definitely ways to present it, like anything niche.

      1. Moose*

        To answer everyone’s questions: she listed it under “Other Experience” eat the end of her resume, with no listed skills/accomplishments under it, so she didn’t even spin it to show any skills. Just left it there. Like I said, it wasn’t damning or anything, and it didn’t stop us from interviewing her, just a bizarre thing to see listed as “other experience.”

  93. Euchre*

    At a previous job we received a 3-page resume that started with a list of accomplishments. One of the so-called accomplishments was “Met Lenny Kravitz”. We had a laugh at that, because WTF?! It had absolutely nothing to do with the job or the industry that we were in. And, I mean, he just met the dude, he didn’t work with him or anything. That’s absolutely not an “accomplishment” even if you’re trying to break into the recording business or something!

    Then we got to the third page of his resume and it was just a scanned picture of him with Lenny Kravitz.

    We did not move forward with his application.

    1. Stop trying to make fetch happen*

      Relevant: the letter writer who wanted to include seeing the Dalai Lama step out of an elevator. Link in follow up comment.

  94. Aitch Arr*

    I got a doozy just the other day from an applicant for a Sales Account Executive role.

    This is verbatim, with some creative edits in quotes to maintain privacy:

    Profile
    I am a Sales Professional.

    Experience
    Account Executive
    “Teapots, Ltd., Anytown, USA”
    2003-2017

    Qualifications
    [Here, the applicant had cut and pasted the job requirements from our online posting]

    **
    The rest of the resume consists of a link to his website and contact info for a reference.

    I went to the website and it’s full of spelling errors. It also seems this candidate never worked for Teapots, Ltd., and he fancies himself a marketing professional. He’s not a sales AE. His actual experience seems to be in graphic design.

  95. DeeSocialWorker*

    I work for a non-profit providing social work. Anytime we have an opening, this one guy apply – for every possition we have, receptionist, social worker, PR … He only sends CV, always the same where he states he wants to work in totaly different field.
    Another memorable CV included paragraf where the applicants wrote, that her former boss harrased her, her coworker was selling eggs in the office and also that her parents were farmers, and her Grandpa left her a fountain pen. She also included section about “other education and certificates” where she wrote “you should not list unfinished education so I do not list it.”

  96. oranges & lemons*

    For a publishing position, we received a resume from a candidate who clearly wanted to impress us with his Word art skills. Each page featured an eye-watering array of rainbow sunbursts and hot pink Comic Sans text. The piece de resistance was the giant image of the candidate’s grinning face proudly displayed on each page. It was probably for the best that we weren’t able to read any of the content.

    1. Kathleen_A*

      Honestly, that would look a little creepy, but I’d adore seeing it in person anyway.

  97. Pickle*

    On an application for an administrative position at a nonprofit: “Objective: to obtain a part-time babysitting position”

  98. MER*

    We had someone apply for a media/tech job who included that they played Scooby Doo at an amusement park. My boss really wanted to bring her in for an interview based solely on that.

    1. StarHunter*

      When I was in high school I volunteered for an org that put on a haunted house for Halloween. I played Bride of Frankenstein, Lady in a Coffin (that was actually cool), and Head on a Platter. Although I didn’t put it on my resume, it made for some interesting stories (and still does). Part of the reason I got the gigs was because of my blood curdling scream. :-)

  99. Mel*

    Not directly on his resume, but we requested a writing sample and he sent a link to his facebook page for his (highly personal, highly unprofessional, sexually explicit, and also terrible) poetry page. This was for a job with a communications firm. My coworkers and I got a good laugh out of it though.

    1. Collarbone High*

      We requested writing samples for a highly technical science writing job and someone sent Yelp reviews they had written.

  100. eliza doc*

    I once got someone who listed “World’s Best Grandson” under awards. He was the winner in 2003, and then again from 2006-2008. I contacted him to come in for an interview (this was a part time call center job), but he didn’t answer. I was slightly disappointed, because his resume cracked me up.

  101. Kopper*

    I once received a resume that contained a photo of the applicant. It was a formally posed shot of him standing in front of a bookshelf holding a book and looking thoughtfully into the distance. The same resume include a series of quotes about him from people he knew (think the kind of blurbs you find on book jackets). Unfortunately for him, I knew some of them as well and they confirmed they hadn’t either said those things or given him permission to use their names in his resume.

  102. Lizabeth*

    Does a portfolio review count as a resume? Back in the day, my younger self saw someone to look over their portfolio as a potential freelancer. Older gent who HAD. EVERYTHING. HE. EVER. DESIGNED. IN. IT. and took offensive when I asked him to pick ten to show me.

    1. Megan*

      We interviewed a guy for a web designer’s job. His portfolio was quite good, until we came across one of our own websites in there. We asked him to explain and he said that he put it in there as an example of a well designed website. We didn’t really believe him. He didn’t get the job.

  103. Bookmobile*

    I once received a resume that was fairly normal, along with a cover letter that was written as a ransom note (all the letters and words cut out of different magazines). I think the intent was to show creativity and humor, but it actually just felt a little creepy. No interview.

    1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

      Jaw dropped reading this. I cannot imagine the reaction I’d have if I’d gotten this in person.
      Just.Not.Done.

  104. Lily Evans*

    A college freshman’s resume, who had no previous actual work experience, that was three pages long because he listed everything he did in high school. Literally, every club or class he attended had a section as if it was a job with bullet points about what he learned. I honestly felt bad for him, because obviously someone had given him really bad advice at some point.

    1. College Career Counselor*

      I have seen a version of that first year student’s resume more times than I can count! On one occasion, it was four pages and pretty much included every twitch this student had ever had. During the feedback session, said student argued vociferously with me about cutting it down to one page because then she “wouldn’t get credit for all that [she] had done so far.” I told her I wasn’t negating her experience, but that the sheer volume of…..less-than-relevant detail would preclude her resume from being reviewed in the first place.

      Honorable mention: “Qualifications Summery ” (recent graduate argued that this was correct because spell-check didn’t flag it) Okay….so if you know everything already, why did you bring your resume in for review?

      Oh, and I forgot this one from another recent grad many years ago:
      “Professional Submissive, Madame So-and-So’s House of Pain, [City, ST]”

      Also listed her salary. For those of you who are curious, it was $225/hour. I imagine the working conditions were…challenging, however.

  105. Amber Rose*

    Info about his cross country trip on a motorcycle with his girlfriend. It was… very detailed.

    Also I wish I could remember the context but there was a use of the word “sexcellent.”

  106. HR preggers*

    Oh where or where to begin…

    This week I received one from Home Coming King-not sure how that’s job relevant.

    Selfies are always a favorite of mine. The top selfie I have received was of a female who appeared to have just woken up. She was in a dirty bathrobe, standing in a very, very dirty bathroom, with bedhead. She was a hot mess.

    The strangest was a resume started off with the usual stuff like name address, etc. Then he states male with defined brown beard with a few gray hairs. The resume then continued on like a normal resume. If it wasn’t for that line he totally would have gotten an intervew.

    Instead of stating I was a stay at home mom and now I’m returning to work one woman listed it as a job. But also listed it as if she was talking to a 4 year old. Something like this…
    The Smith Household
    1/1/13 to forever
    Mommy to the best children in the world
    *care for two amazing kids I love so much
    *pay household bills for my wonderful family
    *grocery shop to provide for my loves

    1. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

      I received a resume once where a woman listed being a mother to a child with a peanut allergy as a job. It was written very similarly to your home at mom’s job listing.

      1. rosiebyanyothername*

        okay, I HAVE a food allergy and even I would roll my eyes into next week at that.

  107. SecondCareerGradStudent*

    I will never forget the time we were hiring for a research assistant and indicated a preference for bilingual English/Spanish speakers. One applicant’s cover letter included: “I’m not bilingual or bisexual (that I know of).”

    We weren’t going to overlook the sexuality reference anyway but at least commit!

  108. Joan Callamezzo*

    I hired for >15 years for professional healthcare positions. Some of the memorable ones:

    – Honorable mention certificate from a high school science fair
    – 3rd place finish in a karate tournament in 7th grade
    – Full 8″ x 11″ (very unflattering) head shot with a list of theatrical costumes the applicant owned and theater roles she had played
    – Mention he was the winner of a short-lived reality TV show
    – Bikini photo of candidate
    – Photo of female candidate in uniform in classic “cheesecake” pose, with one hand behind head, one hand on hip, and top unbuttoned to reveal cleavage
    – Photo of candidate posing with firearm

    1. Sack of Benevolent Trash Marsupials*

      Wow, I feel so sad for humanity. 3rd place at your 7th grade karate tournament?

    2. Joan Callamezzo*

      Ooh, forgot a couple of the best ones:
      – photo of applicant posing in a bar saluting with a neon-blue cocktail while wearing a stethescope around her neck
      – Related: doc who had IN VITO VERITAS as the actual header on his resume (like, I’m an enophile too, but unless you’re applying for a job in the beverage industry, THAT’S NOT RELEVANT.)

  109. There's Always Money in the Banana Stand*

    I received what was supposed to be resume at my old job, and upon opening the attachment, I discovered that it was not a resume–it was a grocery list written entirely in Spanish. The job was for a teller position for a small credit union in Ohio. So yeah, not checking your attachments before emailing your resume is a bad idea. Lol.

    1. Fake name so my colleagues won't find me*

      Instead of a cover letter, one candidate once attached a college paper detailing the effects of dehydration. It wasn’t even remotely relevant to the job at hand, but since reading it, I do make sure to drink enough water throughout the day!

    2. ChicagoRecruiter*

      I’ve gotten some strange attachments as well – a copy of their child’s sports practice schedule, a credit card bill, a lease application, a school permanent record dating back to the 1970s, a high school homework assignment, etc, etc…

      1. Beth Jacobs*

        That’s my worst nightmare! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve attached my resume to an email only to download it several times only to check whether it’s really my resume (and the most up-to-date version :D )

  110. KTM*

    Soooo many options… which to choose?!
    – We received a resume where all the bullet points were smiley faces
    – Under hobbies someone listed ‘standard poodles’ in the middle of an otherwise normal list (ie running, volleyball, standard poodles, cooking, hiking). Not ‘training standard poodles’ or ‘showing standard poodles’… just ‘standard poodles. Is that a hobby?
    – An intern we had who kind of gave everyone the creeps submitted a resume for a full time position about a year after he worked for us where the only thing he listed under a hobby section was ‘guns’

    1. Observer*

      On the bullet points: Was this a PDF? If not, it could be that the original actually and bullets and it translated poorly.

        1. College Career Counselor*

          I’m okay with that. It’s TOY poodles that sounds frivolous to me. ;-)

      1. KTM*

        Given the general level of (un)professionalism on the rest of the resume (and it was a student)… I’m going to guess it wasn’t a translation error. They also sent it to us over email, so if it was, I’d still dock them for not double checking!

    2. nep*

      Why are people listing hobbies? Are there places / contexts in which this is in any way desirable on a resume?

    3. Someone*

      Well, I can somewhat understand where that person comes from…

      One of my hobbies is “plants”. As in: gardening, accumulating a varied collection of house plants, examining and classifying wild plants, collecting seeds of interesting plants, reading about botany…
      Just today my parents described me as a “plant nerd”.

      That person might well have a similar devotion to standard poodles and have felt that “standard poodles” was shorter than “breeding, training, grooming, showing, owning, reading about, and honestly everything else that has to do with standard poodles”.

      1. KTM*

        Yes, I mean, I know what they were trying to say. But would you put a hobby section in your professional engineering resume and write ‘plants’? It was just funny to see among other more ‘standard’ type of activities.

  111. lawyer*

    I had a candidate list “frozen desserts” in the “Other Interests” section of his resume. I’ve also had multiple candidates list “shopping” in that section.

    I am not a fan of the “Other Interests” section of a resume, but if you’re going to have it, at least use it to demonstrate something interesting about yourself. Because “frozen desserts” guy really did just mean that he liked ice cream. Not that he made ice cream, or worked in an ice cream store, or had an ice cream business. He liked to eat it.

    1. CMart*

      Man, if some people think they’re allowed to claim “craft beer” (that is, drinking it and trying new ones) is a hobby then I’ll be damned if I let some hoity toity lawyer tell me my ice cream “hobby” is illegitimate! ;)

    2. Barney Barnaby*

      I’ve probably mentioned this, but my “other interests” section includes things like being in a leadership position at my alma mater, sitting on a Board of Directors, and coaching math teams. Most people just skim at and figure out that people are happy putting me in charge of stuff.

  112. anon..*

    I once received a resume of the new hire that another department had hired. The person ended her 2-page resume with a joke section that included, “When I grow up I want to be a mirror cleaner. It’s something I can really see myself doing.”

  113. HiHiHi*

    I received a two page resume where the first page listed the applicant’s interpersonal skills. In bullet points. The second page had a “Work” heading, with the note that they would be happy to discuss their professional experience during their interview…but that they were not going to provide any info on their experience beforehand

    1. Kathleen_A*

      Um. Why? (Secret agent? Professional assassin? Wearer of the Goofy suit at Disneyland?)

      I don’t think we can blame a book or article containing bad resume advice for this one.

  114. Pensive*

    There was a resume that was passed around at Oldjob. it was mailed to an employee and the address was 7 lines long.

    Employeename
    Teapots Inc
    Flavored Teapots Division
    Chocolate Teapots Sector
    1274 Teapot Lane
    Mytown, STATE
    Zipcode

    The resume was seven pages long and sadly the only thing I remember about it was I was on page 3 and coworker said, “Have you gotten to the snake joke yet?”
    Um…what?
    “Oh yes, there’s a snake joke – I think it’s on page 4.”
    And indeed there was a joke on page 4 which involved a snake. And sadly I don’t remember the joke anymore.
    I don’t think the person got an interview, but boy that resume got passed around.

    1. The New Wanderer*

      Things no one should ever have to ask when you’re reading a resume. Too funny!

  115. Not So Super-visor*

    I received one that started with a poem. I would love to give the title as it was a phrase repeated several times in the poem, but I don’t want to single this person out. It basically described how he was not a submissive create and would not just take orders or roll over on his beliefs.

  116. Lindsay Gee*

    I worked at a provincial park in canada for years and without fail, every single spring a local guy would drop off his resume. This guy never got an interview because the jobs were for students (which he was not). But us explaining the job requirements to him never stopped him from dropping it off. Sometimes to the front gate, sometimes he would slip it into our camping permit box. We would find random copies of it around the park sometimes too….

  117. Triple R*

    I had an applicant give me his entire budget … down to his electric bill and Netflix account, including a line item for the amount he would need “to take my girlfriend out to dinner now and again” when asked for his salary requirements.

        1. the one who got away*

          Oh goodness. This is so dumb, but it was so long ago that I kind of didn’t really think about the guy as a real live human being who still exists in the world. I feel kind of bad about posting the link now; maybe we should ask Alison to remove it.

          (It was just…sooooooo bad. And completely irrelevant to the jobs for which he was applying – yes, jobs with an S. He applied several times.)

    1. PersephoneUnderground*

      That right there is a gem of terrible 90’s web design. It is wonderful that is has been preserved for posterity- e.g. as a warning to others :p. We must never forget the terrible dancing gifs and repeating textured backgrounds of the 90’s, lest we repeat them…more than they already repeat that is.

  118. Legal Beagle*

    For reception at a legal office this was written into the cover letter:

    “I have purple hair, and I dress however I feel. I am genderfluid, and sometimes I feel like I am really from Victorian Times. I cannot be around toxic people. I can only work from 10-2. I’m also autistic.”

    Yeah, that one did not get a call.

    1. Hey Karma, Over here.*

      Yes, because Victorians were known for their gender fluidity and self expression.

  119. JanetM*

    And from the sadder side of the fence — when I worked for the janitorial agency, a man came in and asked for an application to fill out on the spot (as many, many people did). When he returned it, it consisted of a long, rambling screed written across all the printed information, about how everyone had it in for him — the government had implanted a radio in his head, a prominent local psychiatrist had hypnotized him and made him cut off his own toes, and so on.

  120. fiverx313*

    a candidate wanted to highlight her work for “Bowl for Tots”… unfortunately she spelled it Bowel for Tots. :l

  121. HRM*

    I work in HR so I’ve seen my fair share of ridiculous resumes. My favorite though was an extremely long and detailed PowerPoint in lieu of a resume detailing the standard resume stuff, lots of personal information on interests/hobbies and lists of reasons why the candidate was the best person for the job. Also had the full range of PowerPoint effects like words zooming in and out, colored fonts and background music. Best part though was the email that went with it stating that we would need to give an hour with the CEO of our organization to fully present the PowerPoint so we could have the full effect. It was for an executive assistant role, so besides the obvious also showed a serious lack of appreciation for how busy executives are.

  122. AMD*

    My husband was part of a hiring committee for a faculty member for his department, and dealt with a candidate who had submitted a 14 page cover letter, including an outline of their personal philosophy of education. It was not impressive.

    1. Irene Adler*

      14 pages??
      Doesn’t anyone ever think about the poor souls who must read these things??

  123. Akcipitrokulo*

    Years ago – we got a few CVs, but two stood out. Their current employment was at the same place. Previous jobs were therefore different. Name and contact details differed.

    Everything else was identical. They did the same things at their current (identical, call-centre type) jobs. They had the same layout and formatting. They had the same personal statement.

    They had the same spelling mistakes…

    1. Barney Barnaby*

      It might have been part of a social science research project on how interviewers and employers respond to different details in resumes.

  124. Anon..*

    Once saw a horrible resume for a teacher. One of the standouts was that under his skills section, he listed “Good teaching skills”

    1. Julianne*

      My principal just put me on the hiring committee for my department AND I get to review resumes, so this could be real fun.

  125. Gaia*

    Not a resume but an interview

    I was interviewing someone who had been fired from their last position. I was asking about what happened, what had they learned etc. All sounded good until the end when she told me “really it is because my boss was intimidated by me. He couldn’t handle the confidence of a *big* girl” she followed this awk statement by looking me up and down and saying “you know what that’s like, right?”

    ….

    1. essEss*

      ha-ha… This brings back a memory from when I was interviewing for a new job. I was leaving a small (15-person) company because I was being pushed into an upper management role that I didn’t want so I decided to find another job. I was in the process of interviewing with a large multi-state corporation.
      I had my in-person interview with HR and felt pretty good about it. Later that day, I got a call from my recruiter that had sent me to the interview and she frantically asks me, “Did you really say ‘cock’ in your interview???!!!” I was horrified and said “WHAT? I don’t even use that word at home.” I thought about it for a while and I realized that my interviewer misheard my comment about why I was leaving my old organization. I said that I wanted to leave because I was becoming a “bigger cog in the organization than I was comfortable with.”
      I got a call back the next day from my recruiter telling me that the company decided to hire me because the HR person felt that if I was comfortable enough to say “cock” in the interview then I’d be able to easily handle myself in a male-dominated office.
      /facepalm

      1. Chris*

        There’s a freudian joke in here somewhere about how sometimes a cog is just a small piece in a large machine..

      2. M*

        Reminds me of an interview where I said I work with pop-culture conventions and the interviewer asked if I said pot culture, and i had to clarify that no, I didn’t mean conventions about drugs, but rather something like a comic-con

  126. Drama LLama's Mama*

    I once had an applicant submit a resume that opened with an objective statement that stated, “To use my gifts, talents, and education to the best of my ability” and the “Skills” section had a series of bullet points which included things like, I am organized and responsible, I always try to do my best, I am ethical and dependable, I have great mannerism, I stand firm on my religious and ethical beliefs, and finally, I have a working knowledge of computers.

    All of those are lovely qualities but don’t qualify as skills for a technical data position (where I was looking for things like SQL query experience, advanced excel experience, etc.) The applicant actually had some relevant work experience, but the resume was a hot mess, so didn’t advance.

  127. Naomi*

    We have one particular job listing that seems to get all the resume spammers, including multiple people whose cover letter or resume objective expresses their passion for a completely unrelated field. (Hey, it’s great that you’re so excited to work in childcare, but, um, we’re a software company…) One of the most memorable was the applicant who was a dental hygienist trying to become a realtor, which managed to bark up two wrong trees for the price of one. Oh, and we’ve had at least one of those ones where the applicant tried to spin her time as a stay-at-home mom as “Domestic Engineer”.

    1. Serin*

      When my church was hiring an admin, we got two different applicants who submitted resumes with an Objective that mentioned wanting to get great dental hygienist positions. I mean, good luck with that — you might find one, but you won’t find one *here*.

    2. FrontRangeOy*

      I was a stay at home mom for about a decade. A quite sincere friend whose career is far more impressive than mine will ever be told me to never say I was a stay at home mom, “you were a domestic engineer.” Which I DO NOT put on my resume because what friend was trying to say is “don’t devalue yourself. Talk about that school library you reorganized, and the other things you did in your community during those years.”

      1. Panda*

        I actually did put my time as a SAHM on my resume when I came back to work. I had spent 16 years, had 7 children, and homeschooled them. My current manager and VP thought it was great that I listed it because it shows I valued what I did. I work for a large international educational publisher in the legal department and about to receive my 3rd promotion in 7 years. I guess you never know.

  128. Pink Hair Don't Care*

    I had one guy that listed himself as a Male Belly Dancer. He offered to give free lessons in exchange for hiring him. The job he applied for was to be a Transport Truck driver.

  129. Jady*

    March 29, 2018 at 12:20 pm
    Not sure if it counts but it dumbfounded me at the time. I have no idea how common this is.

    Had a guy with a great looking resume. The position was working in software. Listed the had experience with a lot of the commonly used programs and (coding) languages – a core part of the job. Everything on his resume looked A+ for the position.

    He was brought into for an interview and I questioned about said programs, as there are many different ways to use them. His answers were vague and dodgy, so I asked more questions, then questions expanding to basic UI elements, and eventually why it’s listed on his resume.

    Eventually, give gives in and says:

    “Well, they used [the program] at that company.”

    He was immediately escorted out.

  130. Serin*

    In a resume applying for an admin job:

    “Detail orientated.”

    (Merriam-Webster can be as descriptive as it likes; ‘orientated’ is still not a real word.)

      1. Never Nicky*

        Yes, very common in the UK. But usually used in a CV or cover letter with multiple typos :)

        1. Stop trying to make fetch happen*

          Uh no, it’s not in this context. It’s only used to describe orienting yourself in physical space. This would get the British side eye too.

    1. Kelly L.*

      I’ve told this one before, but I once wrote a cover letter about how detail-oriented I was, while leaving the date from an older letter at the top (so it said April when it was really September or something like that). And got the job. I was there for ages, and we’d laugh about it years later.

      1. Bookmobile*

        I applied for a copy editing job, and when I went in for the in-person interview, the company had me fill out a physical job application. I accidentally marked that I HAD been convicted of a felony. A few hours after the interview, the director called me and said “okay… we’ve been sitting here since you left trying to figure out what you did to get convicted of a felony???” Luckily he thought it was pretty funny, and I ended up getting the job!

  131. smoke tree*

    Not quite the same thing, but you come across some weird, weird stuff in publishing submissions. The guy who submits his manuscript with a diatribe against the publishing industry and how he wants nothing to do with it, the guy who says he never reads because he wants to “keep his voice pure,” the submissions with cat hair attached for “authenticity”…

    1. Kathleen_A*

      Cat hair implies authenticity? I guess my black sweater is extremely authentic, then.

  132. Cari*

    Some of these are so funny! My weirdest one was the guy who listed the number of pounds he could bench press… there were some other bizarre things on that one, but it was so long ago that I don’t remember.

  133. SheLooksFamiliar*

    I’ve seen some doozies in my day, but these two stand out:

    A 64-page resume from a VP of Finance candidate. He was a born-again recovering alcoholic who quoted the bible. Example: ‘A senior leader should be a family man (many bible verses), mature (ditto), of good character…) He told his story of reaching rock bottom and turning his life around. Now his only addictions were his religion, sobriety, and long-suffering wife and family. In that order.

    Got a thick 9×11 envelope from an out-of-state candidate. His typed resume had handwritten job experience – and random thoughts – in the margins and white space. Among other things, he also included comic books – one was where Superman died, I still have it – and copies of rejection letters he’d gotten. He covered large areas with row after row of clear tape. He taped an Apollo 13 medallion to the front page. On the back page, he taped a picture of his house and one of himself. In a yarn wig. Wearing lipstick. But it was the pictures of guns he taped to the resume that made me call the police in his town: ‘That guy applied to another job? Yes, he is known to us. Don’t worry, he’s safe when he’s on his meds…’

  134. Rachel - HR*

    Not sure if I have shared this one before:
    Enclosed in the envelope with the resume: A picture of his truck taken in a cemetery with a note that he has his own vehicle.

  135. Ingalls*

    One applicant’s resume started with the title “I WANT TO CREATE WEALTH”
    The next two bullet points were that he had to work for a gun-friendly place because he didn’t want to create wealth for an organization that was working politically against him and that we must be a non-union shop because a union workplace is a sign of management problems.
    You just can’t make this stuff up.

  136. Pinata Full of Tuna*

    We were hiring an administrative assistant. Granted we’re at a university, but this was an entry level position in the business office mostly doing data entry and advertised as such. One applicant included his master’s thesis (the full 50+ pages) with his resume and cover letter.

  137. Thegs*

    “I received a resume for an IT Help Desk Technician position who put his current employer as ‘Confidential’ and description of accomplishments ‘Unable to disclose.’”

    I can kind of understand this, I was assigned to the NSA while I was in the Army for a brief time, so anything I put on my resume referencing that has to be passed through the NSA’s prepublication review, which can take up to 25 days. Personally I just leave it off, but if I didn’t have that luxury (like if they were my current employer) and I had to whip up a resume really quick I would probably have an awkward explanation for my inability to explain my current job too. You still can say things like, “I’m working at the NSA so I’m not at liberty to discuss what I do,” but if he was younger I can understand being too hush-hush about it.

  138. Anonymeece*

    So far:

    – Someone proclaimed their love for a pop singer on their resume. Not because they ran a fan club or had a website or anything. They just apparently really loved this person.

    – Another put how great he *would* be at managing and how confident he was that he *could* manage. Despite no management or supervisory experience, and honestly, very little work experience at all to support this.

    – One person put the last four digits of their social security number on their resume (?!!). I very nearly reached out to that one to advise against doing that.

    – One assured me that he had never been arrested.

    There have been so many others though!

    1. Five percent*

      In high school I put my social security number in HUGE text across the top of my resume and dropped it off at a bunch of restaurants, copying something I saw online. Yikes. Well, into my 30’s and my identity hasn’t been stolen yet…

      1. Anonymeece*

        Oooh. But I can see making that mistake as a high schooler? This person – just going from their experiences – was in at least their forties…I wonder if her identity has ever been stolen!

  139. KC*

    Got a resume for an underwriting position (which required a current license and very specific experience). Only items listed for work experience were a brief stint in fast food and a listing of a time when he built a tree house for a friend. Unclear whether that was paid work or how it was relevant. Sent a standard rejection email thanking him for applying, got this response back within 5 minutes: “Eat a dick”. Strangely, this did not change my decision. Lol

  140. Hanners*

    For an junior level engineering job I had a candidate submit a resume with a watermark of gears and a level (in colour) behind the text.

  141. Prod Coor*

    I keep a folder of resumes for this exact reason! My industry is in live event audio, video & lighting (corporate meetings, galas, fundraisers, political rallies, graduations, weddings..) and I deal almost entirely with freelancers. All the freelance resumes come to me, so I have seen some things! For context, the positions that these resumes are coming in for are things like stagehand, electrician, audio engineer, video tech, projectionist… so a lot of technical stuff. However my company also provides equipment (like lights and stands) for major motion pictures, and sometimes people think we’re involved with the producing or casting of those films.

    I’ve received an 8 page resume (not cover letter!), with great blurbs like “[business] was a great adventure. After the tornado that basically ended my space, I decided it was time to move on. In that time, we had many acts rehearse, record, and just jam away. We hosted parties and private events that made history” and a page of LinkedIn recommendations like “[Name] rocks, good job buddy!”

    I also got a resume that was basically written as a poem. A few choice lines… (and all the punctuation and caps is from the resume writer)
    “I do not have my CDL… (Yet…) However I am probably safer (NOW!!!) than most with a CDL for Years…
    I also have multiple Motorcycle Road Racing Championships beyond my experience level or financial ability…”

    “I also seek a romance role in a future film…
    I will have your leading actress swooning over me, while trying to keep up with my youthfulness…
    The Relationship BLOSSOMS and FLOURISHES…!!!
    …with a nagging anchor that is skillfully hidden…
    (I am old enough to be her father…)
    Yet, I have never been this SMITTEN nor Devoted…
    Does she follow;
    -Logic…? (she will outlive me…)
    -Advice…? (Friends say, “You Cra-Cray!)
    -Her Heart…? (Warmth and Tenderness in Inviting…)
    -The Rabbit…? (StudMuffin offers distraction…)”

    And this continues for quite a while, with nicknames, offers to give part of their salary to anyone who connects them with a job, and please for “Someone [to] Take ADVANTAGE OF ME…!!”.

      1. Pickles*

        Yeah, I wobbled between wanting to know more specifics and worrying for the guy’s cats.

  142. Seal*

    One candidate sent in a resume with our university’s well-known and heavily copyrighted logo as a watermark. In color.

  143. MeanieNini*

    We got a resume about a year that included “Cinderella” as her job title. It went to explain that she had been Cinderella at Disney and the “qualifications” for that job – which were basically that you had a nice smile, were blonde, and pretty. Wasn’t exactly going to translate into our customer service by phone position.

    1. Roja*

      Was she out and about with the tourists though? I’ve always heard those are actually really heavy on customer interaction. Not that it isn’t a weird way to phrase it, but I’ve known several people who were characters at Disney and it’s definitely a customer service job, in its own way.

    2. AMD*

      I wonder if she just failed to emphasize the right skills, because my sister has several friends who have been Disney characters at the theme parks, and you have to be really good at interacting with people and improvisation, which I would have thought would translate well to customer service.

      1. Nea*

        I was just thinking that. A Disney Cinderella has to not only interact with all kinds of people, she has to stay in character according to House of Mouse’s stringent standards *no matter how they interact with her.*

        In other words, Cindy’s gone though “keep your cool with the customer” boot camp. She’d probably be great at customer service by phone.

    3. FrontRangeOy*

      If she had been as savy as the young woman in the story about the stripper above, she could have worked her Cinderella stint into an impressive interview for customer service. Improvisation with Disney guests = responsive to individual callers, how to sound cheerful and willing to help even when you’re having a bad day, etc.

  144. Maude*

    For a professional position in management an applicant sent a resume that was around 9 pages in length. The length was bad enough but the last several pages were detailed lists of his children’s accomplishments from middle school up until collage (recent). Apparently he thought that demonstrating that he could rear productive and accomplished children said a lot about his management skills.

  145. Never Nicky*

    My CV still has that I used to work for a circus company – we were a community arts organisation, I ran their volunteer and intern programme and taught basic circus skills – and seems to be odd enough to make me memorable and get me interviews.

    Then again, I’m probably not competing with some of these applicants … they really are stand out candidates!

  146. String Cheese*

    I once saw a resume with a “fun factoid” box that said “I never met a mozzarella stick I didn’t like”. She got an interview, but not the job.

  147. Ms Mad Scientist*

    “[Candidate] and her loving husband happily reside in [state] with no children, instead living along with their fur-babies.”

  148. Ace*

    I saw a resume that had “Inventor of Facebook Timeline 2.0” as the title. The title was colored as a rainbow. Pretty, but not quite business appropriate.

  149. Tucker (the other one)*

    In the late 2000s we had a tech writing applicant who listed his professionally published F/SF novels on his resume. I didn’t recognise his name or the books, but we passed on him for other reasons.

    A few years later I saw his name come up in connection with certain unpleasantness around the Hugo Awards, so now in addition to thinking he’s a jerk I also think of him as a failed technical writer. This is of course not entirely fair, but there it s.

    1. DoctorateStrange*

      You know, I can’t say I’m surprised he would be the type of person that would be bad at being a professional.

    2. ArtK*

      Lie down with dogs (in this case Sad Puppies), you get up with fleas. I’d take a hard pass on anyone associated with that debacle. Perfectly fair. Their positions on diversity could mean potential disasters in the workplace.

  150. Startup HR*

    His resume was a 5 page PowerPoint presentation. The first page said, “Hi! I’m Fergus!” over a picture of someone reaching out their hand to shake yours. Another slide talked about how he wanted to change the world over a picture of the planet. It was full of crazy animations and weird pictures. It was amazing.

  151. badger_doc*

    My sweet mother, bless her heart, added to her Skills section: “Proficient in the internet”. She got the job though!

  152. Lily in NYC*

    I received a cover letter that was written in ALL CAPS. It was three sentences long and the dude said he needed to make more money because he was getting married. The rest of the page was just a giant photo of the candidate’s face. This was for a senior level strategic planning position. We asked our HR to stop posting our jobs on Monster.com after that.

  153. UndercoverLibrarian*

    At a previous job many years ago, someone brought in a resume where they noted that they had been a stage manager for a particular theatre production in our small town. Seems reasonable enough to put on a resume, but the problem was that I had managed the show in question.

    Bonus Track: When I was in library school, a classmate asked a professor if they could list their time as a guild leader in World of Warcraft on their resume. Thankfully, the prof. talked the person out of it.

  154. Career*

    We recently had an applicant who didn’t even send a resume. Instead he attached a headshot and an invoice from a recent eye dr. appointment. Needless to say he did not receive the position.

  155. CareerChange*

    We recently had a candidate who didn’t even include a resume, but instead sent a headshot and a copy of a recent invoice from his eye dr. Needless to say he did not get the position.

  156. Cakes & Ashes*

    This is a transcription of a cover letter – as I remember, the résumé was nothing special. The cover letter, however…

    Hello, my name is [redacted]

    I have recently been looking for a new job and in my search I ran across your add in CareerBuilder.com, while my resume is attached I would like to tell you a little about my self. While most of my jobs have been in the food industry and sales my heart has always been with animals, my first memories are with them and ever sense childhood I wanted to be a Veterinarian, but no mater how hard I tried I could never find a job to help me get started down that path, next fall I plan on attending [City] Tec. To take part in there Vet Tec class and finely carry on with my dreams. While I have no formal training with animals I have more experience then the average person on the street, having raised cats, dogs, reptiles, amphibians, cattle and countless other animals both small and large alike, creatures both furry and non furry. Much to my family’s dismay I was always brining rescued animals home I couldn’t stand to see an animal suffering or being mistreated, the understanding of Animal behavior and why they do things when and how they do it, has helped along threw all of this, understanding animal behavior is the key to safely handle any animal, both wild and deistic to witch I have experience in both. I believe while I have no formal training I would be a good contribution to your facility. I have often volunteer at the [nearby] human society simply walking dogs and spending time with the animals, doing what I could in the limited time I had to be there to help them in any way I could. In my experience in past jobs I have found it hard to go to work if there is no enjoyment or fulfillment in the work I do, witch is what lead me to this job search, to fined a fulfilling job I can be satisfied with, knowing I am making a difference.

    I thank you for your time and hope you will consider me for this position

    Sensually

    [Redacted]

    1. Sigrid*

      I don’t know what I like best, the “both wild and deistic” or that it concludes with “sensually”.

      I mean, if you have direct experience working with Diana, goddess of the hunt, that’s a pretty impressive accomplishment, but maybe describe it differently?

      1. Woodswoman*

        The applicant is saying that the animals themselves are deistic. I wonder if the deity they worship varies by species. Perhaps Watership Down is the holy book for rabbits and wild felines fall at the feet of the Lion King.

        1. Cakes & Ashes*

          I want to see the original, non-spell-checked version! What was the word that got corrected to “deistic”??

    2. FD*

      Oh, my God. I’m 90% sure this is the same letter I got.

      (For an administrative position in an office that does absolutely nothing with animals.)

    3. NoGhosting*

      I am honestly crying trying not to laugh at work. It was just a couple strange animal things and typos and the “sensually” threw me way off guard!

      1. H.C.*

        The part that got me was “Much to my family’s dismay I was always **brining*** rescued animals…” (asterisk emphasis mine, as is my amused horror envisioning that applicant’s home being filled with pickled creatures)

  157. Ermintrude Mulholland*

    My husband worked for a healthcare organisation which had its own tv show, and the boss had attracted his fair share of groupies.

    They were recruiting for a new nurse, and received lots of applications. One of the applications stated under ‘qualifications’ that she had watched every episode of our programme.
    That was all. No actual nursing qualifications or experience – but she’d watched all the shows! And she really wanted to work with the boss….

    Did not get an interview.

  158. Secret Squirrel*

    The best one I ever received was a guy applying for a software consultant position who devoted a fair amount of his lengthy resume to explaining his plans to run for the US Senate in the next election.

    Aside from the other issues it’s not a great idea to advertise up front that you’re already planning to leave the job you’re applying for.

    Honorable mention goes to the resume not actually submitted to me but which I saw on Monster titled “SENIOR QAULITY ENGINEER.”

  159. Picky*

    Person who listed their paramilitary group, also explaining that due to this they would need a flexible schedule for drills and meetings and such.

  160. Drop Bear*

    Under ‘Relevant skills’ – teetotaler. For a job with a company that 1) owned, among other things, a brewery, and 2) was in Australia (not a country that culturally has an issue with people who drink!)

    1. Parenthetically*

      I guess it is something of an accomplishment not to drink in an Australian brewery?

  161. Van Wilder*

    Alison – the comments on the unwilling mentee post the other day were so enlightening. You should have a round up post of the best (worst) mansplaining stories.

  162. Ada Lovelace*

    Last summer we had a fairly well paid FT summer internship program in partnership with a college and donor. The internships were only available to high achieving students. All the students were pre-selected and approved by the program to apply. I don’t know how this resume made it through: 17 pages with a 2 page cover letter.

    Student walked me through his entire educational career (elementary school to colleges), clubs, summer jobs, one off volunteer opportunities, his time in JROTC, Army Reserves, and the cadet police program (all of which could have been made relevant but instead included PT scores and individual courses). His cover letter talked about the life changing experiences he had at 12 to join the reserves, and subsequent choices go to law school and become a cop. He applied for every internship available (IT, data entry, customer service, marketing, PR, health services) and showed no skills pertinent to any. And then he found my work email and submitted all his materials again, assuming we didn’t receive them the first time. My boss was truly worried this was a signal of the rest of the applicants.

  163. Caramel & Cheddar*

    TOO MANY THINGS TO LIST.

    1) The person who had been a medical office assistant and was applying for a job in an arts org as an assistant. She listed “cleaning speculums” under her list of skills, and while I can *maybe* understand including that as a skill if applying to another healthcare organization, it was definitely too weird and slightly gross to put on a resume for an arts organization, proving once again one should always tailor one’s resume for the recipient.

    2) The person who thought “standing out” meant “use tons and tons of hideous graphics.” The cover letter had a red-to-green gradient in the background of the entire page. The resume itself had a bunch of weird graphics that looked like multi-coloured paint smears, only they’d sent the resume as a Word doc rather than a PDF and the graphics had somehow managed to shift key information off the page and into the margins of the document where it couldn’t be read.

    3) I may have shared this one before but I love it too much not to share it again: the person who treated her resume like a wedding invitation. The resume itself had been printed on a pearlescent cardstock, with the applicant’s initials set as a watermark in the background in a fancy script. That same watermark was printed on a piece of (synthetic) vellum laid overtop the resume, for which purpose I’m still unclear. It also came with a reply card using the same paper finishes / watermarks / font style. Where the rest of the resume was obviously reaching for some sort of matrimonial elegance, the reply card ended with what I assume was a tongue-in-cheek joke but landed super flat. The options on the reply card were “Yes, we’d love to interview you and will be in touch!”, “No, but I’ll pass along your resume to a colleague who may be interested,” and my favourite, “NO, and don’t ever apply here again!” My boss at the time was like “Can I add a fourth option that says ‘This is a deeply inappropriate way to format your application’?”

  164. Eye of Sauron*

    I think the oddest I’ve seen to date, was a resume cover letter that included a picture of the applicant doing the 70’s action hero slide across the hood of a car.

    It also included an article written about him in his company’s news letter for which the picture was taken.

    1. RVA Cat*

      Please tell me the car was a sweet vintage Trans Am with a firebird painted on the hood, and that the applicant was a chubby young sheriff’s deputy named Ferg.

  165. TCO*

    I received a cover letter (for a grad school RA-type job) explaining that he had left has last company because it “betrayed the goodwill of its people.” He also noted, “I don’t have any formal training in X topic, but I’d like to think I know just enough to be dangerous.” Danger is not what I’m looking for in an entry-level employee.

  166. voposama*

    I work in recruiting so I’ve seen a LOT of resumes. One that jumps to mind is a guy that had a “Personal Interests” section. One of his interests? Soup. Just that. Soup.

    1. Frinkfrink*

      I had a student worker years back who gave her email address to us as Hot[Lastname]69@EmailDomain — her last name worked as an (in)appropriate sexual pun, which was obviously why she’d done it, but whyyyy would you think that was a good email to give your boss? I used her official university email address instead.

  167. Health Insurance Nerd*

    Once upon a time I worked in retail, and I received an application from someone looking to be a part time associate. In the section that you were supposed to list your education (including high school) she drew a giant X and then wrote in all caps “I DO NOT GO TO SCHOOL!!!!”.

  168. Lurker*

    So this was the resume of my friend’s boyfriend, which I agreed to help edit. (For the record, I haaaaated this guy, but I did this as a favor to my friend.)

    He was in college at the time, and insisted on including a section for “awards”, including “Winning NaNoWriMo, a National Annual Literature Competition”. He would not take out that section or that specific award, despite my telling him repeatedly it wasn’t really showcasing anything helpful. (The other awards were all high school stuff.)

    For those who don’t know, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, and to “win” it, you have to write a 50k novel during the month of November. There’s no contest, and you can write complete drek as long as you do it quickly enough, and there’s no limit to how many people can call themselves a winner.

    1. M*

      I’ve seen that more than once! I give it a pass if it’s from someone without much work experience. It at least shows that they finished a project?

    2. H.C.*

      Oh gosh – I’d shudder to call out any of my NaNoWriMos on my resume or my cover letters (esp given my tendency to devolve into nonsensical gibberish towards the end of the month to make that 50k!)

  169. Margali*

    1) Person who accidentally uploaded her offer letter from another company instead of her resume.

    2) The person who wanted to work in a “fast-paste” environment.

  170. Dr. Delete*

    I once saw a CV during a faculty search in which the candidate included a section for “Species” and listed it as “Homo sapien” (sic).

  171. Derek the Red*

    At my previous place of employment, the same person applied for multiple positions over the course of a year or so and with each application attached about 15 letters of recommendation. Nothing wrong with the resume, itself, but good lord.

  172. Never Nicky*

    When I replaced a colleague who had moved on, she hadn’t cleared all her personal stuff off her computer. She’d been sending letters out cold to marketing or design agencies as part of her job search.

    The letter began “Do you have room in your studio for a tiny but talented marketer and designer? I can perch on a stool …”

    It obviously worked but from the dates of her letters, it had taken a year or so!

  173. MsChanandlerBong*

    I’ve never seen anything truly strange, just a bunch of stuff that made me wonder why people thought it was a good idea to put it on a document that would be seen by a potential employer. The woman with the glamour-style shot at the top of her resume (think Vaseline lighting and some ’80s shoulder pads–in 2018), the guy who listed his personal relationship with Christ ahead of his work experience and credentials (for a job having nothing to do with religion), etc. I think the thing that gave me the biggest laugh was reading an applicant’s response to the question “Area of Study.” We meant major/field of study. The student responded with [City Name] Library. I think he thought we were asking where he studied for exams.

  174. sange*

    We had a guy who applied for a low-level fundraising role at our department by describing his experience managing a YouTube channel that “monetized the Amish.”

    1. Kathleen_A*

      I feel compelled to comment but now I don’t know what to say. Is he, like, selling black hats and dresses or apple butter or something?

      1. Kathleen_A*

        We have Amish here in Indiana, and some, though certainly not all, of them do make and sell crafty/touristy items (and the big money really is in quilts! And furniture.) But I think they’d find the idea of “monetizing” pretty dang hilarious, honestly. Not to mention YouTube.

  175. Miss Rowan*

    I work at a car dealership, and I had one gentleman submit a three page resume where he spent two full pages describing how the brand of car we sell had gone downhill in quality in the past decade, and then the final line of his resume was, “If hired, I will immediately purchase a vehicle from your dealership and proudly drive it as free advertising.”

  176. anathema*

    I’ve been hiring people for almost (eek) 30 years. Almost no one’s job is to be a job hunting or resume expert, so LOTS of weird/odd/doesn’t really belong on a resume doesn’t bother me as I’m hiring. A tech guru with a weirdly formatted, 12-page detail of every piece of technology touched ever and you reference your fantasy league in a hobbies section? Fine. Someone without a lot (or any) professional experience who throws everything they can think of into a resume? No problem.

    However, executives get no such pass from me, and that’s where I see the stuff that has just no explanation. You’re a CxO, why do you have your water skiing show experience from Callaway Gardens on your resume? Also that you have a stay-at-home spouse, that you can’t keep an EA for more than 12 months because you’re so tough, and (my personal favorite) that you are known for your in-office wine cellar (for a role in electronics R&D). I wish I was known for my in-office wine cellar.

  177. HRTripp*

    I was a resource manager for a large company and I worked with different staffing agencies to help our hiring managers fill their temporary roles so I’ve seen a lot of resumes. In many of the tech roles we typically got resumes that were 7+ pages long… I had to start rejecting those candidates with “no one has time to read a 7+ page resume”. I would actually read them if the first role or two was relevant but usually it wasn’t.

    I once received by snail mail a hand written resume… and my favorite was a person who applied to our job online and all their resume said was “wut wut in the butt”

    1. Master Bean Counter*

      I need to quit taking a drink while reading. The IT guy wouldn’t appreciate having to work on my laptop twice in one week.

  178. Sled dog mama*

    I’ve never hired so the only resume story I have comes from when I was teaching high school. (11-12 grade Physics)
    Parents scheduled a conference, at the conference the first thing they did was hand me a three page resume of everything their son had done since 1st grade (looking back I’m surprised it wasn’t longer). This resume began with his career goals and included such details as grades in every subject in high school (not just overall GPA but the grade for each course), what sports he played, including position and stats, all the merit bagdes he earned in Boy Scouts, and his Eagle scout honor. The parents were terribly offended that I was not impressed. The whole reason they scheduled the meeting was that their otherwise straight A student was making a B in my class (after the department chair recommended he take a different science course due to his struggles in her class the previous year), and to essentially accuse me of ruining their son’s GPA. Of course it came out that son had been lying to them about coming to the study period where all teachers were available but they couldn’t accept that he really was having trouble grasping the subject matter and a large part of the problem was that he was NOT interested. Talking to him later I found out that he was really interested in History and just couldn’t make himself care about Physics.

    1. PB*

      This makes me think of an unfortunate story from my family. When my stepsister was in college, she started seeing a therapist. My stepmother was afraid that her therapist would think that my stepsister was… well, I’m not completely sure. Regardless, my stepmother took it on herself to fax my stepsister’s resume to her therapist. I’m really not clear on why she did this. My stepsister was mortified.

  179. Didi*

    I used to be a hiring manager for editorial staff at a technology consulting company. It was normal and expected for people to put their technology skills on their resumes, and to go in more detail than for the average job.

    I was astonished, however, how often people put obsolete technologies on there. Things like Netscape, Word Perfect, etc. They really showed me they had a finger on the pulse of technology.

    1. EngineeringGirl*

      Flip side of that…
      I had an interview where the owner (must’ve been about 80 years old) asked me if I’d ever done “hand drafting” because he “didn’t trust AutoCAD.”

      I ran away from that one. Weird, weird vibe in that office the second I walked in.

    2. Observer*

      Well, while netscape has been out of business for a long while, WordPerfect is still under active development and still does some things better than Word.

    3. Chris*

      Yep, Netscape resumes in 2018. Gotta love folks who keep pace with technology and stay current on their skill set.

  180. We're gonna need a bigger printer*

    Sure, everyone says “detail oriented” then fails to use spellcheck… it’s like a corollary to Murphy’s Law or something. But as a former hiring manager and back-up for other hiring managers across my old department we reviewed many hundreds of resumes, and there are two that stand out, though for very different reasons.
    1 – Candidate misspelled his own name. The name on his resume did not match the name on his cover letter (contact info and salutation), and it wasn’t just a variant, either. This was years ago, but I recall it was along the lines of “Matthew” on the cover letter and “Martw” on the resume. Seems like one of those things that would stand out to the eye…
    2 – Candidate submitted a resume drafted in an open-source word processing program. When using the “preview attachment” option in an older version of Outlook, the white space below the resume text had an embedded drawing of what looked like a penis. (Insert disbelieving look here) Naturally, this seemed fully insane so I called over some of my hiring manager colleagues to make sure I wasn’t seeing things wrong… Confirmed: Penis drawn on the resume. We looked at the resume in different programs (pdf, word, etc.), and the image didn’t appear in any other view, so we guessed it was an ‘bug’ with the open-source software. Since it was almost certainly not the candidate’s fault – or at least I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt – I reviewed the candidate’s work history again and decided that he did qualify for a phone screen. We had a nice conversation, but he was not selected for an interview because his communication skills were not a good fit for the role’s requirements. I opted *not* to describe the additional feature on his resume, but did suggest the formatting was a bit odd and he might want to have another look at it. That’s when we learned a ‘friend’ had helped him with the formatting.

    1. All. Is. On.*

      I wonder if the first guy has a foreign name that he anglicized in his cover letter but forgot to change on his resume, like Μαρτω is the Greek version of the name ‘Martha’.

  181. No Stripes on this Tiger*

    ProTip: Submitting photos of your tattoos is not a way to get an interview at a medical billing office.

    Not really sure what he was going for, but it was a barebones resume (complete with the 555-5555 phone number) and photos of his tattoos.

  182. lanie*

    I mainly hire student workers, and was looking for someone for a customer service position. A college freshman sent a 7 page resume that went all the way back to his 2nd grade spelling award and his 4th grade perfect attendance award.

    He had no customer service experience. He did play guitar. And was in band. And a 9th grade mathelete. And and and…

  183. WizzardOzz*

    We had an (internal) applicant that submitted their resume for a position and included their personal website. The recruiter pulled up the website only to find it contained a list of every porn they owned – and judging by the list this person had a fetish. I never looked at the guy the same way again.

    1. Weaselologist*

      Ugh.

      My husband was hiring for a web developer role and received a cv from someone who wanted to learn to make websites so he could make one for himself to showcase home-made porn.

      Hubbie declined to interview porndude because he didn’t want to shake the guy’s hand.

  184. FD*

    We were hiring for an administrative assistant role in a professional office. The job description clearly outlined the job duties and a bit about the company.

    We got one resume with a cover letter that talked about the applicant’s passion for caring for animals and included a line something like, “If I can save the life of just one animal, it will be worth it!”

    While I may have called my workplace a zoo before, it wasn’t literal!

    1. Nita*

      Haha, if that was me, I’m sorry, and still very embarrassed! Years ago I was on a sabbatical from college, searching for entry-level work that would make a dent in my student loans. I had a brain glitch one day, and right after applying to be a vet office assistant, I applied for an admin position in a legal office. I revised the whole resume and cover letter, but somehow missed taking out one bullet point: “Experience working with animals”

  185. cactus lady*

    Once upon a time I was a reader for applications for a medical residency program. A particularly memorable application was the guy who listed “apple pie and zombie apocalypse” as his hobbies/interests. We ended up bringing him in for an interview but we didn’t end up ranking him. I wish I could have met him to see what he was like, but I was out of the office the day he interviewed.

  186. Ohia Ai*

    A guy came in to our natural foods store and asked for an application. We asked him to submit a resume. He requested a piece of paper and we refused. So he went out into the parking lot, picked a banana leaf, and used a sharpie to write his “resume” on it. He was not hired.

    1. A Nickname for AAM*

      If he had done this in advance as a planned gimmick, I’d have to give him a little credit. It was a natural foods store, you’d expect some tolerance for that kind of thing.

  187. Zibidibodel*

    Someone applied to our company (to do a job in inbound telesales for our large company) and put a section of “interests” on their resume which included:
    Modern Computer Software and Professional Vape Cloud Competitions

    I realized after the fact that we should’ve asked if they competed in competitions or were just a fan.

      1. Kathleen_A*

        Smoke ring-blowing competitions? Human fog machine?

        I am also intrigued by “Modern Computer Software.” There must be fans of vintage Computer Software,” I suppose.

  188. Higher Ed Database Dork*

    My former department had a few positions open on different teams at the same time. One woman applied to all of them, and while that wasn’t totally out of line, it was a little weird considering her skill set – which was, not really anything. She submitted a resume that was nearly two dozen pages that listed her SIX degrees (2 undergrad, 4 grad), every course she had ever attended, and every conference WITH SESSIONS she had ever attended. She had about 30 years of work experience, but it was all at the same place – she was an admin assistant for city or state government or something like that. Her six degree were wildly disparate, and it was obvious she had no real career goals in mind, and no real experience in anything her degrees were in. It’s kind of impressive that she did manage to complete six degrees, but to what end??? The kicker for me was that she listed all the conferences and their sessions, including a photoshop conference where she learned how to make greeting cards.

    Although this was in higher ed, the positions were not faculty, so we weren’t looking for CVs – they were basically entry level tech positions, where you’d expect, at most, a 2-3 page resume.

    1. AnotherLibrarian*

      I get this too! We ask for a resume. Send us a resume. If we wanted a CV, we would ask for a CV. Also, never send me a statement of teaching philosophy or a writing sample if I didn’t ask for one.

  189. Mr. Rogers*

    I once had a high school volunteer apply with the email: iwannakillbarney@. I assumed he had younger siblings.

  190. Jesmlet*

    Just had someone refer to themselves as an escort on their resume.

    It took a while before I realized that she meant she escorted the elderly to their appointments.

    I get the weirdest stuff from cover letters though, mostly referencing jobs that we don’t have from people who are clearly just applying to everything.

  191. Interviewer*

    I have 3 to share:

    1. Got a 2-page resume from a stay at home mom, who listed different tasks as jobs, with bullet point descriptions. My favorite was FAMILY LOGISTICS MANAGER, where she once coordinated a cross-country move.

    2. “Perfect driving record in multiple states.” (not all of them?)

    3. With only a high school diploma and 10 years of retail experience: “Immense knowledge of laws, legal codes, court procedures, precedents, government regulations, executive orders, agency rules, and the democratic political process.”

    1. AnonForThisOne*

      I’ve managed an international move for myself and my spouse to another country, and now I’m shepherding my spouse through the immigration process so they can be a citizen here. Heavens, I wish there were a way to put this stuff on my resume! :D

  192. NotAnotherMananger!*

    Oh, lordy. When I was first starting out in the working world, I helped a team to prepare a massive proposal that included resumes for the team of people being proposed for the project. Eleven of the 12 people on the team submitted a normal, one- to two-page resume customized to the work being bid on. The twelfth – the principle for whom the proposal was being prepared – submitted a 13-page resume that included his wife’s finishing school, his brother’s ambassadorship, his children’s private school, and his country club membership. It could not have been more clear that he was trying to assert his position as upper-class and the “right” kind of person to do business with, while everyone else had highlighted their experience in the area of work being performed and successes within that industry. The person who had to “work with him” to cut it down to three pages as told how important it was to telegraph one’s social position so that the CEO making the hiring decision knew you were a “quality” person.

    I still don’t know if my public school education, lack of finishing school, and failure to join a county club left me out of the “quality person” category, but I was not the only person visibly uncomfortable with the classism.

    1. AnotherLibrarian*

      I work at a private college and hire student assistants. Erratically, I do get a job application where students list finishing schools, but that’s in the education section, so I guess it makes sense. Also they’re students and don’t know better.

  193. Windchime*

    My boss once received a resume from an inmate at the local county jail, written on notebook paper with pencil. He was very unqualified.

    We also received one that seemed very boiler-plate, so I did a little googling and found that the candidate had just copied and pasted text from her own job description onto her resume. Word for word.

  194. HRKylie*

    I once received a resume with a photo that was a bathroom selfie. I mean, I guess at least she wasn’t nude?

  195. Fabulous*

    Pretty sure I’ve mentioned this here before, but I have a coworker with a 12-page resume. Each job she’s held has its own page, and–regardless of her length of tenure–there are 10-20 bullet points for each job. She says it gets her jobs so she’s not changing it (!) but yet here she is stuck in an “admin” role when she’s had much higher titles in the past. I guess I shouldn’t judge though; she still makes more money than I do…

  196. raktajino*

    You’ve probably seen this early Steve Jobs resume by now: https://www.reed.edu/reed-magazine/articles/2018/steve-jobs-resume.html He lists growing up near Hewlett-Packard as context for his interest in electronics, his car access as “possible but not probable,” and omits a job history or expected graduation year. All honest, I guess?

    It certainly makes me feel better about when I applied to a summer camp at an aeronautics museum, where most of the staff were majoring in aerospace engineering and I was a biology major. I grasped at straws to defend my interest, and explained that since my dad worked at Boeing, I grew up with his fascination and got it secondhand. (I wasn’t interested in planes as much as I was plants, but hey. I worked there for two summers and enjoyed it.)

  197. Queenie*

    This one wasn’t about what was on the resume, so much as what the resume was on. In college, I headed up an editorial department on our school paper. I once got a resume that was cut up into six pieces. Each piece had been glued to a sheet of brightly colored construction paper. The construction-paper pages were all different colors, and cut into different irregular sizes. The whole thing was held together by a giant blue plastic novelty clothespin. The applicant clearly wanted the resume to stand out. And it certainly did.

    (No, this wasn’t for the art department. It was for a writing job!)

  198. KiwiLib*

    An applicant mentioned not only that they had two rabbits, but their names as well – yep, it was the names she’d chosen for her rabbits which swayed me on whether to interview her or not.

  199. HR preggers*

    Thought of another…
    A woman came in for her interview and said she brought copies of her resume because she had updated it. She handed me her resume and I glanced at it to see what was different from the one that I had printed off. Then she says, “I added the smiley! That’s really all I updated. I wanted to make it cheery.” You know that really, really, cheesy clip-art smiley face from the 90’s with the thumbs up. Yup that’s what she added to the top, nice and big. This was just a few years ago.

  200. DCGirl*

    I’m active on TripAdvisor’s forums, and there’s one posters with thousands (like 15,000 and climbing) posts that add virtually no value to the discussion except to say “Me, too!’ or “I agree with the previous poster.” He has such an unusual user ID that I google it to see if he is as equally unhelpful elsewhere. That’s when I found his online CV at the university where he’s on the faculty. Under his publications, he lists every single review he’s ever left he’s left at the Timeshare User’s Group (and there are dozens) as well as a link to his TripAdvisor profile so that everyone can see his many, many forum posts and reviews there. His long list of interests includes the following:

    Maintaining valued family and personal relationships.
    Collecting premium holiday condominium properties.
    Archiving digital photography and PowerPoint collections of travel.
    Collecting dwarf and specific coniferous trees and rhododendron for home landscaping.
    Collecting and wearing men’s fine watches.

    And, no, he is not a professor of travel and tourism, which might make it all vaguely makes sense.

  201. Gaia*

    I almost forgot about my favorite guy ever! I was hiring for a support role and his resume and cover letter were clearly customized for a software engineer role. Not even remotely close to the type of work we do or what this role would do. At the very end of a fabulous cover letter he wrote:

    I know this is for a software engineer but I liked it so I thought I’d send it anyway.

  202. Colleen1321*

    I had a woman who was trying to get back into the work force (applying for an office position) after being a stay at home mom for quite a long time. One of her listed “skills:” Kissing boo-boos

    Also had a resume with the infamous “detail oriented” with detail spelled incorrectly.

    I have read at least 3 resumes where the applicant wrote “love to work in a fast paste environment.” I laughed so hard the first time I saw this on a resume. I showed it to a co-worker. Co-worker brought me a picture of Elmer’s paste where she had photo-shopped it to say “Fast Paste.” Kept it on my bulletin board for years!

  203. GiantPanda*

    Two of them.

    1) Among his previous jobs listed was “member of the personal guard for His Majesty the King of Spain”.
    We are an IT company hiring for an IT job.

    1) One other had apparently legally changed name, birthdate, birthplace and country of origin (Near Eastern) while in prison. I’ve always wondered what the story was behind that – shouldn’t the old data be hidden better?

  204. Steve*

    Does this count? We had a candidate in for an interview, and it became quickly apparent that the candidate didn’t have the skills listed on her resume. In fact, she wasn’t even aware of some of the stuff. We asked how that was possible and she said her husband had written her resume!

  205. Weaselologist*

    About 20 years ago a former colleague who was bored and wanted to leave our workplace spent an afternoon printing off copies of his CV and doing some sort of magic fold with an elastic band that would make the CV spring out of the envelope into the hiring managers faces. He wanted to get noticed.
    I left for another job (without needing to resort to exploding CVs) so never found put what happened next.

  206. Manager Mary*

    Oh man. I get a lot more bad resumes than good, but my favorite was the applicant who formatted their skills as a bar graph. The categories were a nonsensical grouping of things and there was nothing indicating what the graph meant. Like, are you saying computers make up X% of your total skills? Or are you saying you have mastered X% of possible computer skills? Or…?? It was like this, only with bars instead of brackets:

    Customer service: ]]]]]
    Computers: ]]]]]]]]]
    Emailing: ]]]]]]]]]]]
    Professional: ]]]]]]
    Mac: ]]]]]]

    1. H.C.*

      Oh gosh yes, I received multiple resumes where the candidates self-evaluated their “technical” skills (e.g. MS Office, email) with 5/5 stars or some such nonsense.

      1. user7447*

        Why do you think that’s nonsense? I don’t do that for technical skills but I do that for languages. Not sure why that’s not ok.

        1. The Other Katie*

          It doesn’t really make sense to have a star rating for languages either. I list languages on my CV as it’s part of my professional expertise, and I use the EU Common European Framework of Reference (CEFR) levels that I’ve trained to or tested at. These are standardised levels that communicate more precisely what kind of language capability you have, while a star rating could mean anything. (Obviously you’d have to adapt for an American resume.)

        2. H.C.*

          Yeah, I wouldn’t necessarily use a star rating for that either – I’d just say some variant of can converse in language X, read/write in language Y, etc. (and if it’s a job that really requires actual competency in a non-native language, there would’ve been some certification you’d have to show for it.)

    2. Pathfinder Ryder*

      This is on way too many free templates made by designers; I pass on those templates every time.

  207. Catherine*

    I was on a hiring committee for an office-setting professional job, and we got a resume that included some unrelated manual experience, in sort of a memorable way. As an anonymized example, it listed an accomplishment like, “Roofed 25 houses.” So, OK, the candidate wasn’t great at tailoring their resume, but my boss at the time, who was something of a snob, looked at it and said, “Absolutely not!” and went on to explain the effrontery of thinking manual labor was in any way relevant. Although the candidate did have some other experience, they didn’t look like a great fit, so this wasn’t a crisis where the boss was blocking us from considering a possibly great candidate. However, he did bring it up several times later, referring to “roofing 25 houses,” and his fixation on it became a joke behind his back for a time. The rest of us actually started to feel sorry for the would-be candidate, who sounded hard-working if nothing else, and really wasn’t doing anything worse than being unsuccessful at getting a white-collar job.

  208. Bittersuess*

    I helped hire the manager position in a normal corporate environment. One resume was 34 pages!!! She included every task from every job she ever had. We actually interviewed her. Much like the resume, I faced a torrent of words for 60 minutes straight.

    1. Chris*

      I’m morbidly curious. What skill set were you looking for that this flipped the ‘must interview’ button?

  209. Amleta*

    1) Put “professional boxer” at the top of his resume. He was applying for a front desk job in academic administration.

    2) Spent the entire second page of his resume (which should have only been 1 page to being with) discussing his eagle scout badges and accomplishments. He was several years out of college, and some of the badges had inappropriate names (think stereotypical aboriginal/native american type things). The worst part is that someone connected to scouting was clearly hyping this up, as several members of his scout group were also intensely committed to including it on their resume. (It should go without saying, but No Eagle Scout References on your resume if you’re more than a year or two out of high school.)

    1. De Minimis*

      I don’t know, I’d really be tempted to hire #1 for that position. He’d take care of any unwanted vendors and other pests dropping by.

    2. Eye of Sauron*

      Eh… this one isn’t universally true. There are professions where Eagle Scout does carry some weight. Typically though you know the professions and it’s mentioned somewhere in the requirements/process information.

  210. Wonderfully Confused*

    I just came across a resume where every other letter was bolded… and it was a two page resume!

    Talk about dedication!

  211. BenAdminGeek*

    We had a candidate whose resume listed some workplace awards. OK… not applicable, but not the end of the world. But then he had an interview and brought the physical plaques and statues in his backpack, and started pulling them out to show us the proof. It was bizarre.

  212. Em*

    I used to recruit for a sales position. Had one woman literally put, “i sell my butt off lol.” She was in her late twenties. Under a different retail job, she wrote, “i work in my closet haha.”
    I also had one person put every employer as “Confidential” and every job duty as “Confidential.” The only thing was his name and phone number. Needless to say, he did not get a call.

  213. AR*

    We were recruiting for a manager position and received a resume that contained:
    Two years ago I had a (medical condition) and had to take a demotion from my previous position. But I am feeling much better and the doctor believes that I am back to where I was prior to the incident.

    1. Horizon*

      One applicant had been out on disability for a while and wrote a decent Cover Letter explaining his situation. But then he included a letter from his doctor that not only said he could return to work, but that the doctor judged him to be of “fair to low-average intelligence.” WTH?

  214. Ruth*

    I used to compose resumes as a side-hustle and my Dad asked me to look at his.

    He had a 7 page resume with every job he had ever held on it, with the first one being “Camp Counselor” in 1955. I advised him to strip off all but the most recent items, and his response was, “But what if they need to know if I’ve ever worked with kids?”

    I love him, bless his heart….

  215. Wandering Anon*

    Very late to the party, but for a sql programming job, put down a plasma physics research job, that they left after 16 months to join a cult in the Himalayas. Just, what?

  216. Lindsay J*

    One candidate listed on their resume his attendance at some sort of religious conference. I don’t recall the name, but I remember thinking at the time it sounded a bit like “The Secret” crossed with Christianity.

    The same candidate also had that he was the “ower” of a website on his LinkedIn. When I clicked on the link to the site, it was dead.

  217. Emmeline CinderKlaus*

    Oh goodness, do I have a story for this one: Once had a random stranger submit a resume to the small business I work for that started off with this gem: “I’m here to tell you about a fantastic once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to boost workplace productivity through creative inspiration: Me. Let me be part of your Wolf Pack, you won’t be sorry.” This was written in giant letters across the entire top half of the 1st of a full fourteen-page resume. Seriously.

    I admit, it was an impressive document (still have it on file). Replete with fabulous examples of his abilities, it included everything from photographs of his “righteous skills in action” to a list of favorite *chair brands*, food types and drink preferences so we could “keep our break area stocked appropriately for his creative needs.” Most of the pictures were of him splitting wood with a fantasy-style battle axe.

    Aside from that killer opening line, my personal favorite was the full description of the precise role he would hold in our company (quite generous of him, really). “I’m currently working on a full length personal novel. Upon my hire, I will spend 5 hours a day working on my personal projects in your workplace so your staff can benefit from my unique atmospheric personality. I’m a bit of a night owl so I only start writing after noon. You provide the supplies and full access to your work spaces, and I’ll bring my truly remarkable self here every, single, day. While I won’t work on anything related to your company, with me in the room your team will be inspired to operate at 120% efficiency. What I can ultimately bring to your team can’t be measured in numbers though. Can you really put a price on happiness for your employees?”

    Turns out the price of happiness was a mere “non-negotiable standard rate” of $25.00/hr for “high-level google-style creative inspiration services.” He followed up several times by email to confirm his start date.

    Needless to say, he did not join our wolf pack. I might be a tiny bit sorry we didn’t bring him in for an interview though.

    1. The New Wanderer*

      That’s next-level delusional. I’d like just a smidge of that guy’s confidence!

    2. Emmeline CinderKlaus*

      To date it’s one of the most bizarre things I’ve had the fortune to encounter in my working life. No one could get anything done the day it came in for laughing; every 15 minutes someone would quote a line or randomly yell “WOLF PACK” at full volume and we’d totally lose it. What can I say? It had moxie.

  218. Another Damn Librarian*

    Please, for the love of god, stop thinking that “I love to read” is the only qualification you need for a library job. Especially if you’re applying for a tenure-track faculty position at a medical library. No, we don’t exist to “support me in my ambition to become a professional writer” and we’re not hiring you because you like the smell of books.

    There was also the one applicant who spent 2 pages going into exquisite detail about her feud (although not the criminal charges that arose from said feud) with a local politician. We were so freaked out by her that we didn’t even send a rejection.

    1. Sweet Fancy Pancakes*

      I had a patron tell me once that she would like to be a librarian because “I like to read and know the alphabet, and there can’t be much more to it than that, right?”

  219. Colleen*

    I didn’t see the resume in question, but when my team was hiring an intern my supervisor told me that one intern had mentioned in her resume that she was a “hummus enthusiast.” She ended up getting an in-person interview, but was not hired as an intern.

  220. Facepalm*

    Not me, but a former coworker used to manage a shoe store as one of her first jobs. On a job application, under a generic “list your strengths/weaknesses” question, one applicant wrote as his strength how many lbs he could bench press. Under weaknesses: “My main weakness is I’m afraid of snakes but I don’t think it will be a problem since there aren’t any snakes in the mall.” HAHAHA

    1. Natalie*

      I don’t think it will be a problem since there aren’t any snakes in the mall.”

      Shows what he knows. Snakes love malls.

  221. LiveAndLetDie*

    “I have experience in staking out crime scenes including an interview I conducted with the owner of a car in which a decomposing body was found.” This was the most “wtf”-inducing of a four-page list of things the resume-writer determined were worth including as work history.

    1. NoGhosting*

      Okay, hold up. You can’t just leave this here and not give more details. Did he get an interview? Why on earth would he want to stake out a crime scene?!

      1. LiveAndLetDie*

        We were hiring for a database manager and the owner of this resume appeared to be a freelance journalist… four pages of stuff like this and not a single recognizable publication. And no database-related experience, so in the reject pile it went. After we all had a laugh.

  222. Nesprin*

    Not a resume but a cover letter:

    Dear Hiring Manager, It is with great fervor and conviction that I am applying for the XXX position at your company. It was Mahatma Gandhi who once said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”. It was this very credence that inspired my entry into the auspicious field of XXX a few years ago. As I have progressed through my graduate studies, I have had ample opportunity to reflect on my goals and the changes I wish to seek through my research at Dr. Professornames’s lab. Pensively evaluating and reevaluating these goals on a constant basis, I invariably return to a career in XXX as my avenue for change. If you look at my resume, you may find that I am an avidly inquisitive individual and have an insatiable desire for knowledge. I truly have a passion for XXX research and an interest in developing better understanding of XXX. Working with one of the leading scientists in the XXX arena has honed my technical skills. Over the time I have gained the skill of connecting people and work effectively as a group under minimal supervision. As a graduate student, I have been engaged in many research activities to earn experience and practice for the fast paced life that lies ahead. I have spent innumerable hours in theXXX laboratories performing gratifying research XXX. My interests in research have consequently spread into the clinical setting as I have also participated in retrospective studies involving XXX. In supplement, I have also participated in authoring and reviewing manuscripts for journals & conference abstracts and routinely peruse the literature while occasionally drafting letters to the authors in reference to articles I read. I feel that these experiences validate my sincere passion and hard work for the pursuit of a XXX arena. As stated above, my ultimate plans are to become a XXX contributing to development of innovative devices for XXX through better understanding of XXX at a nationally respected organization such as yours. Though there is nothing in a caterpillar that indicates its going to be a butterfly…I earnestly feel that an opportunity to excel my career at your renowned organization will further facilitate my ambitions and strengthen my passion for innovative research….stimulating the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. I thank you for considering my humble application and sincerely look forward to hearing from you. Respectfully, Applicant.

  223. AngelS*

    I received a resume from one lady…with three entirely different names.

    The cover letter introduced her as Jane Smith, the resume listed her as Suzanne Jones, and the application had Suzanne Jones at the top, but was signed Candace Williams. Same contact number/email/work history for all three.

    Out of morbid curiosity, I called her references. Two of them had no idea who I was talking about (even after giving them all three names). One clearly thought I was either making this up or was a little off my rocker (imagine calling a manager and having three possible names for the applicant!) The third asked for a physical description, which wasn’t hard to do as she had a rather distinct appearance (waist-long gray hair and close to 6’4). After I gave it, the former employer said, “That sounds like Gabrielle Fisher!” He described her as being “somewhat eccentric,” but an excellent employee. He had no idea why she had given so many names on her resume/application. That made two of us.

    Three days later, she left a voicemail asking if an interview was forthcoming. She identified herself as Gabrielle Jane Johnson. I declined to interview her.

    (All the many names changed)

    1. AngelS*

      Just wanted to add: despite the grey hair, she was in her 40’s. I do not know if there were any cognitive or other medical issues involved.

    2. H.C.*

      I can only hope that she’s doing some sort of social science research on whether differing names (generic vs. region specific, white vs. person of color, for example) affects chances of being called in for interviews/ getting an offer / etc.

  224. beanie beans*

    I’ve been sitting here reading through these hoping not to see anything I did on mine. God, I was dumb coming out of college.

  225. Sanity Lost*

    After a pretty in-depth resume about skills and qualifications (none of which matched what we were looking for); there was a 3 page synopsis on the life & death of Ophelia (Shakespeare’s’ Hamlet). I was bored, so I read it…it was completely bonkers and way off base. My boss came in and saw me laughing with tears in my eyes, it was so bad. He asked me why I didn’t just toss it and I had to tell him that this just had to be read to be believed. He read it and we spent the next 20 minutes eviscerating this person’s prose. No clue why he added it to his resume (it was mailed to us and it was smack dab in the middle of his resume and obviously part of it).

    The writer was not invited to interview; however his resume went into our laugh file for whenever we needed a pick me up (we blacked out all his identifying info).

  226. nym*

    I’m in the middle of reviewing a bunch of resumes, and have run across these recently:
    * Designed and supervised the building of a placenta pit
    * Tested the efficacy of tropical fruit juices as natural preservatives for livestock semen
    * Have an interest in studying diseases which are susceptible to minorities

    Alison, can we do one of these sometime about the craziest single lines from a letter of recommendation, or the most oddball match between a reference writer and the job they are referring someone for? Because I swear I’ve facepalmed more often at the reference letters (I know, I know, actual reference letters are passe, but it’s an academic institution and It’s Policy) than the resumes.

    1. Feotakahari*

      “Tested the efficacy of tropical fruit juices as natural preservatives for livestock semen” sounds like something that would win you an Ig Nobel prize.

  227. HRJen*

    Just received today, listed under awards:

    Most Improved
    “2016- I’ve did what told to do”

  228. LadyProg*

    We got a candidate for an internship once that didn’t put anything other than his name/contact info and the university/course he was taking. That’s all. It was a good university, sure, but all the people that looked at it just assumed this guy is thinking “I go to this awesome university, that’s enough to get me an internship anywhere I want!” Yeah no, dude. We didn’t call him in. I wish I remembered the name to check on him now, this was about 6 years ago…

  229. Christina*

    This is probably minor compared to some, but we were hiring a graphic designer, and one woman, currently freelancing, submitted her resume. At the bottom in her Interesting Facts section, she wrote she’s “Dangeriosly addicted to nail polish” (yes, with the misspelling, one of over a dozen in her resume).

    The best part though was, in giant letters, the question “Get a Qoute? Email me at….” My coworker and I cried laughing at her resume in general but that part still makes me shake my head. From a freelancer!

    And this person was a finalist selected by my boss, the manager of communications. I left that job a month later.

  230. YarnOwl*

    In college, there was a very strange girl in my same major (technical writing), and in one of our classes we had to review each other’s resumes and give each other notes on them. I’m sure there was more weird stuff on there than this, but she mentioned that one of her skills was braiding hair.

  231. A Nickname for AAM*

    I’ve seen:

    -Someone who was graduating from high school at age 21 list all 3 high schools they attended from the time they were 14. (All three schools were in a city where high schools had open enrollment, so high school students did not have to transfer if they moved.)

    -Someone list that they “Taught English too children” (I brought that one for an interview. The job required interacting with kids, it did not require spelling or grammar.)

    -A man whose resume and references stopped in 1989, who “was really great with kids” and “had volunteered with tons of kids programs,” but didn’t list any of the names of the youth programs he worked with or references from them. (This, plus the gap, is a red flag for pedophiles: often they’re asked to leave when there’s evidence of them being inappropriate but before it’s grounds for pressing charges, so they have odd resume gaps and lack of references despite a long job history.)

    -Someone who had applied to work with us and also enrolled in a staff certification course I was teaching. He struggled with the online enrollment interface (fair, it’s not easy) and was sending me multiple, multi-page emails on his philosophy about learning and online training and just generally rambling on and on in an inappropriate and creepy way. During class, he kept mansplaining incorrect answers while I was teaching, and was telling us about showing his godson how to use public showers. After the class ended, I learned he had blatantly groped another student in the class. He didn’t understand why he didn’t get the job and continued emailing to bug me about it. (It gets worse, six months later he was working for another youth group and recently he added me on LinkedIn…where he listed he is working with yet another access-to-kids program.)

    I’ve also gotten a ton of “excellent resumes” from lifeguards who cannot swim, but that’s another story.

  232. Sanity Lost*

    “I dun did werked in a costumer shuepe”; outside of name address & phone number; this was their entire resume. I really wanted to call this person and help them.

  233. Bookworm*

    It’s been awhile but apparently a candidate had listed his winning some sort of Pokemon card championship.

  234. Kiwi*

    I’m in New Zealand and we get a lot of overseas applicants. One’s CV enthusiastically said how he wanted to start a new life in Australia.

    Another guy included a link to his blog. Unfortunately for him, the last two entries were one about how he took “wifey” and the kids to the zoo, and one about how he asked his wife how she looked so beautiful and she answered that she used face cream X every day. I assume that was a sponsored link, but no way was I bringing with someone with that kind of attitude into my team.

    1. saffytaffy*

      I also thought NZ was the capital of Australia until I was 24 and moved in with a Kiwi. I have a 4-year degree and everything. They just literally don’t teach us anything but American geography in public school.

      1. LadyKelvin*

        Even then, we only learned the states and capitals. Although to be fair, I met an Aussie a few weeks ago who was impressed that I knew the states and capitals. I then confessed that we learned a song to memorize them. She was still impressed.

  235. CMM*

    Not weird overall, but weird for me. I had the pleasure of interviewing a candidate recently that had obviously found my LinkedIn page while creating a resume and had swiped some of my personal profile, word for word, and used it as part of their objective/personal profile. The candidate was a recent grad, hadn’t actually applied for the open position my department had (their resume was submitted by someone who already works for my organization, passed around, and matched to the position in my department), and I am 99% certain that it was a bizarre coincidence. I wasn’t sure if I should be offended (it was technically slight plagiarism, and I felt it was kind of lazy to not change it) or flattered. Either way, the candidate did not recognize me or that they had clearly swiped it from my page, so all I could do was shrug it off.

  236. Me2*

    So very late to the game today! A million years ago I worked in HR for a retail auto parts store chain and we were always hiring for entry level parts desk people. Most applicants only had one or two jobs prior. One applicant I’ll never forget had worked at fast food restaurants, Wendy’s and Jack In The Box. Under supervisor name, he put Wendy and Jack. Could possibly have been true, but what are the odds?

  237. SadieMae*

    Never had a resume howler, but I did get a cover letter once that read, “When I heard a position was open at Company X, I suddenly became excited.” TMI, buddy!

  238. DAS*

    My favorite resume that was written in Indeed’s standard format. It included the name and a title of ‘None’. The objective said ‘I need a job’. No contact information. There was one job listed. Under responsibilities, it said ‘None’. Under accomplishments, it said ‘None’. No brainer to hire, if you ask me.

  239. Carbovore*

    One resume I recall from a search committee I was on had inspirational quotes listed at the end of it. There was one from Mother Theresa, one from Gandhi, and then… one from her!

    Yes. She quoted “herself” and listed it on her resume on equal standing with Mother Theresa and Gandhi.

  240. Covet*

    I worked as a receptionist at a temp agency in college. One day, one of the recruiters called us over to look at this guy’s resume. The first 1-3 pages were totally normal. What was strange was the 50+ page manifesto full of anxiety-ridden ramblings about how people are out to get him. I remember one in particular was that someone had invited him to a Japanese restaurant named “Todai.” He believed this was a sign that the person wanted him “to die” (one way to pronounce the restaurant name). It was really bizarre and I always wondered if it was intentional.

  241. bookedin*

    Recently had a woman come into work and hand in a resume for her son… and the resume was formatted as though she was writing it for her son. Included the words “my son”.

    She has, to date, called 3 times to ask why her son hasn’t gotten an interview, and is informing me his skills far outweigh other applicants and she can’t BELIEVE anyone is more competent than her son who REALLY wants the job.

    If I knew how to block numbers on the work phone, I would.

    1. bookedin*

      Oh, and to add, she’d gotten our other form which we request alongside resumes and filled it out for the son. “Why are you interested in working here?” “My son really loves the work you guys do.”

      I still haven’t met the son! I don’t even know if he’s real! Her contact details were on the form! (“You can just call me and I’ll put him on”)

    2. Chris*

      This reminds me of the person whose resume was quite good… but showed up for the interview with their parent, and an interpreter, because they didn’t speak a word of English, and hadn’t actually written the resume. We passed on hiring..

      1. bookedin*

        Judging by the woman’s accent, this isn’t the explanation in this situation. I wish it were, almost; I can understand that slightly as my extended family speaks English as a second language. This one, unfortunately, is just “Mum knows best and I can help my son get a job”

        (It’s not working)

        Oh. Had another who didn’t hand in a resume, and insisted on speaking to the business owner. When my boss asked why she didn’t submit a resume, it was because she hated using computers. Boss informed her that a lot of our work involved computers. Woman scoffed and said she could do the job far better than us without the computer.
        She phoned back later to tell us she’d be willing to work for us if we got rid of the computers and when my boss told me, I couldn’t form a response.

      2. bookedin*

        (Also – I know you weren’t commenting as though that were the reason! I don’t mean for my response to sound like that; I am fully incredulous at yours, too.)

  242. GlamNonprofiteer*

    This is just the best thread of the year. At OldJob, we had about a dozen interns each semester and we would get more than 100 applications. It got to the point where we had the YES, NO, HELL NO and OMG GET THE BOURBON piles. The strangest thing I ever saw on an intern resume (aside from the 3 – 10 pages of minutae about the life and works of typical 19 year olds) was the cover email that said the prospective intern could field dress a deer in under 15 minutes and while that sounds impressive, it’s not. I can do it in under 5 minutes and it was utterly irrelevant to the internship.

    I recently hired a CEO for a large nonprofit organization and out of the 200+ resumes, only a few were terrible. Best / worst things from those resumes?
    * Fluent in Klingon (not in the “hobbies” section or cover letter, as a skill, at the top of the resume)
    * No social media presence whatsoever and I only use the internet to follow sports (well OK then but the gig requires running the social media for the organization but OK)
    * Excellent delegator (it’s a hands on kind of job but you get on with your bad “delegator” self)

    And the best part of all … I was the primary contact for the interviews. My title (Search Committee Chair) was listed in my email and the job announcements all listed me, myself and I as the contact person with title. THREE of the applicants instructed me to “forward my resume to your boss so he can meet with me”. Buh. Bye. Dudes.

  243. Collingswood*

    A CV that contained details about everything the candidate had ever done at any job, including lots of really specific details about babysitting his little sister.

  244. professor*

    In Indonesia, it is common to include a photo, your marital status, religion, and height and weight. I’ve hired and evaluated people there and it was seriously weird to me…

    1. StellaBella*

      In Switzerland, a head shot, status of married/single, age, work permit status, nationality, Ms/Mr, – all are included usually. I had to re do my CV this year as am in the UK now and the career CV advisor was shocked at this and she helped me make a new one for the UK following the norms here. :)

  245. Tallgirl*

    I received a resume for a Staff Accountant position; under Other Skills, the applicant listed “Master of All Things Awesome.” I scoffed and discarded the resume, because, while I appreciate what I hope was the applicant attempting to show a sense of humor, I am, in fact, the Master of All Things Awesome, and had no desire to deal with the potential ego conflicts.

    1. Sally M*

      I sat in during an interview with a young man, fresh out of college, who put “unmatched powers of logic and reasoning” in his resume. I thought it was a red-flag. The hiring manager did not. He ended up having temper tantrums where he screamed at other employees, told us he prefers reading Russian newspapers (as opposed to American ones) because they are not biased, and telling a female coworker that women aren’t qualified to hold leadership positions…. in front of a female senior director. He was let go soon after.

  246. linux-sysadmin*

    Working at a well known global Linux/OpenSource company, hiring for Linux Sysadmins/Devops types; had an application wherein they described themselves as THE Microsoft Evangelist at previous employers.
    From memory there was about 1 MS Windows install in the entire company at that time.

  247. Chris*

    I knew this thread was going to be epic. I get a lot of resumes… some of the winners..
    “In almost all instances I was laid off due to lack of work”

    The guy who felt compelled to cram 30 years of experience into detail on one page, in odd-shaped puzzle piece boxes, in 2 point text.

    Resumes from Parts Elsewhere with religious affiliation, IN THE NAME OF GOD right below the applicant’s name, strange photos, so forth.

    An applicant with zero experience beyond popcorn guy at the theater who felt he was analytical and could easily identify any company’s deficiencies and bottlenecks, and tell them how to improve their operations.

    Application emails without a resume, but with links to the resume on their C drive…

    the ‘Skillet IT’ professional (that generated some chuckles about high tech cooking).. and the IT guy whose name was ‘City, Province’ because he couldn’t figure out how the job board worked.

    The never-ending stream of ‘detail oriented’ people who can’t spell their name, my name, the name of the places they’ve worked, ‘detail’ correctly..

    The guy who used a 34 word sentence to say ‘I used a computer’.

    The guy with almost no experience who found a superlative for everything he’d ever done. He was amazing, awesome, incredible, stupendous, and fabulous at everything, apparently.

    The person who applied for the position they’d just been fired from (apparently in earnest). Also the only time someone had to put their pants on before I walked them out, to give you an idea of how unlikely they were to be re-hired..

    1. Chris*

      The guy who applied within the last couple of years for a technology-related position and listed ‘Netscape Navigator’ as one of his key skills.

    2. A Person Who Hires Sometimes*

      The guy with almost no experience who found a superlative for everything he’d ever done. He was amazing, awesome, incredible, stupendous, and fabulous at everything, apparently.

      I think that guy works in a very high ranking government office now. Odd.

    3. Mirth & Merry*

      “The guy who used a 34 word sentence to say ‘I used a computer’.”

      Ugh, I work with that guy.

  248. Daria Grace*

    In Australia there’s a short training regarding relevant laws you must do before you’re legally allowed to serve alcohol. If you worked in a restaraunt this would be a worthwhile thing to have on your resume. Not so worthwhile for office jobs which I once saw

    1. bookedin*

      Australian, I got told to put the RSA/RCG training on my resume after uni… the resume going out where I was applying for comms jobs. I chose to ignore that sage advice.

  249. Comms Girl*

    No egregious things like some hilarious stuff described above, but this spelling mistake did stick with me: when we were hiring for an intern last year, one CV description said candidate had a “congenital demeanour”…

    Also, on my previous job, we used to receive applications for every single open vacancy from a guy who’d just ignore the cover letter indication and send his CV. When the office admin, on a moment of goodwill, replied saying he’d need to submit a cover letter for his application to be considered, he received a reply along the lines of “Me???? I apply for 20 jobs everyday, I don’t have time to write cover letters – I only do interviews!!!!!” . Funny enough, this guy would cold-email us every so often to ask if there was any chance we could hire him…

    1. A Person Who Hires Sometimes*

      lol at “congenital”, I’m going to assume they meant congenial? Or maybe they wanted you to know they were born with their demeanor! lol.

      1. Comms Girl*

        Yes, I believe they were aiming for congenial but forgot to proof-read the CV. Still funny, though!

    2. laylaaaaaah*

      Ah man, we used to get applications for every single open vacancy (we were a teaching agency) from a guy who had a forklift driving licence and who really liked kids, and thought that showed enough responsibility and experience to get him anything from a nursery nurse to a high school teaching job?

      (Also the woman who applied for a high school English teaching job whose description read: ‘Having taught my three children to read and write english, I am well qalified to teach english in a school setting.’ I don’t think I even bothered responding to that one.)

  250. Qwerty*

    We had an applicant for a front end developer position included their experience working at a grocery store on their resume, and they added a bullet point for apple slicing skills.

  251. A Person Who Hires Sometimes*

    I still have tons of resumes from a round of hiring a while back.
    One of my faves was a resume that had the usual header, name location, contact info,
    then a professional profile blurb
    and then something the applicant labeled as Concept: which read: The field of Public Service is everlasting; and it deserves a team of dedication and positive influence.

    It was bizarre to me and the rest of the resume wasn’t very good either, with bizarre language and the formatting was poor. It looked like two people put the design/layout together. Like one was good and then the other went in and butchered it adding things (in different fonts and occasionally color & an obvious change in tone/use of words) and there were typos like HIPAA written as HIPPA.

    We didn’t call this applicant. lol.

  252. Boss Applesauce*

    I have handled all of my team’s hiring for a decade, so I have reviewed thousands of resumes and cover letters. A few notables:

    -“Skills: … atteniton to detail.”

    -“I am cute and perky, so I would be a great first point of contact for customers, or just eye candy for the busy executive.”

    -“U need 2 hire me. If u dont hire me me n my baby will starve and it will b yor fault.” I have gotten a lot of cover letters that talk about needing a job, and subtly emphasize their family needs. This one was a cover letter only, no resume, and the first time (but surprisingly not the last) that someone would tell me that my hiring choices were a life or death matter.

    Sometimes I wonder if I am being trolled or if these are genuine attempts to get a job.

  253. The Other Katie*

    When I was a young and struggling freelancer I used to take resume polishing jobs on the side for extra cash. (Now I don’t, because no one ever wants to pay what it’s worth and they are ten times more hassle than literally any other clients.) The most memorable gems come from the Objective section, such as :
    * Make more money (bonus points for honesty!)
    * To have your job in five years (uh, too much honesty)
    * To be free, enjoy life, and retire early (we all want that)
    * To be hired as an entry-level programmer (Obviously)
    * To synthesize my skills and resources through organizational learning and maximize my contribution to the team (wait, what?)

    And that is why I think the “Objectives” section of a resume is nonsense and should be abolished.

    1. A Nickname for AAM*

      Towards the end of the “Objective” section’s reigh, I used to just use it to list the job I was applying for.

      Objective: To obtain the position of Senior Llama Braider

  254. Smudge*

    Not nearly as dramatic as some of the examples here, but I reviewed a friend’s CV once and (aside from being way too long and way too crowded) he had a separate heading for his foreign exchange year in university, under which was a single bullet point saying, “Met the love of my life, my lovely girlfriend Anna*!”

    I mean, dude – your girlfriend IS lovely, I can vouch for that, but I’m pretty sure this doesn’t belong in a job application.

  255. Hobgoblin*

    My favorite will always be the 13 page resume from a college student that mentioned his “honorable discharge” from K-Mart and Taco Bell. 13 pages…

  256. Freelancer*

    motivational quotes and song lyrics
    ( I worked at a university and I still remember when a guy brought a Tony Robbins book to an interview )

  257. Taryn*

    I had an applicant list “bootney” as a skill…before I was scratching my head for too long, I realized it was supposed to say “botany”- the description said “I can tell the differance between plants and flowers”. Yes, typo was there. She was applying to a front line theme park photographer role.

  258. laylaaaaaah*

    We had someone apply for a special needs teaching job who began her CV with the following:

    “I have sometimes been described as a graceful waterbird floating down rapids, or as a tube of glue in a military first-aid kit to help seal up an injured serviceman’s gaping wounds.”

    I think the person doing the hiring ended up inviting her in to interview, because it was a really slow week and she wanted to see what the heck kind of person described themself like that.

    1. laylaaaaaah*

      OH also the woman who applied for a math teaching job, waxed lyrical about how much she loved math, so I brought her in (math teachers are in short supply!) and… she wanted to leave teaching, and wanted me to suggest ways she could get into office work instead.

      1. Indoor Cat*

        That’s so weird to me. These are all weird, but…why apply and interview for a job when you explicitly don’t want that job?

        1. laylaaaaaaaah*

          I know right? I mean, yes, my company was an agency that spanned multiple sectors, including admin, but… I recruited for teachers. My whole job was education. I was very clear that that was what I was looking at from the get-go, and it seems strange that she’d have willingly wasted a good couple of hours applying and talking to me when I couldn’t help her.

  259. MarieBW*

    I’ve seen some hilarious abbreviations of job titles. Let me just say, if your job title contains “Assistant” don’t abbreviate it “Ass” (Ass City Manager, Ass Director, etc….).

  260. JenniferK*

    “Mentored (and tolerated) a junior developer”. I asked him about it and the story (which I think he thought made him look good) was even worse. Instead of giving advice and helping a new colleague, he took his project and rewrote it without saying anything. And then said that he didn’t understand why the junior developer was upset.

  261. Alfonzo F.*

    We literally got this resume yesterday. Posting it in its entirety because it’s too remarkable to be believed:

    EXPERIENCE
    [COMPANY NAME], P.C. Garden City, NY
    Full-time Patent Agent, October 2013 – October 2014
    Independent Contractor Patent Agent, July 2009- October 2013
    Fuli-time Patent Agent, September 2007 -April 2009

    EXERCISES
    Planet Fitness, October 2013 -July 20 17 Bronx, NY
    a. Working out in this gym everyday during the period mentioned right above
    b. One or more trainers in this gym have seldom trained me.
    c. Practicing of English Speech everyday in order to overcome Asian accent and further in order to achieve mother
    tongue English
    Blink, July 20 17 -Present Riverdale, NY
    a. Working out in this gym everyday during the period mentioned right above
    b. One or more trainers in this gym have occasionally or frequently trained me.
    c. Practicing of English Speech everyday in order to further improve my English speech though I might already achieve
    mother tongue English

    COOKING
    At Home, October 2014 – Current
    a. Cooking of foods for my immediate family Monday through Friday during the period mentioned above
    b. I believe that I have not used any recipe in order to create and produce those foods mentioned right above.

    BOOKS AND NEWSPAPERS which I have read since October 2014 in order to EXPAND my expertise
    Finance
    a. Wall Street Journal
    b. Financial Times
    c. Freakonomics
    d. The Art of Money Getting
    e. The Principle of Political Economy
    f. Encyclopedia
    g. Wikipedia
    Legal (Note that one or more countries may recognize religious rules or laws.
    Note that there exist one or more religious courts.)
    a. Book of Deuteronomy
    b. Palms
    c. Meditations from Psalms
    d. A THICK Christian Bible
    e. Faith and Practice
    f. Good is not great
    g. Lotus Sutra
    h. Oxford Dictionary of Law
    i. The Spirt of Law
    j. The Principle of Penal Law
    s. The Koran
    t. Black’s Law Dictionary, 3’d Edition
    u. The Treaties of Canada with …
    k. New York Bar Materials (purchased from Ebay)
    I. The UK Constitution, The Constitution of Japan
    m. The British North America Act. 1867
    n. Persuasion
    o. The Prophetic Books
    p. A Theologico- Official Treatise Part 1
    q. The province of jurisprudence determined
    lnsectology
    a. Evans 2004 Animal Life Encyclopedia
    b. Encyclopedia
    Military or Weaponry
    a. Art of War
    b. A Military Genius
    c. Lost World
    d. The Amateur Army
    e. Encyclopedia
    f. Wikipedia
    Politics
    a. Autobiography of Benjamin Franklyn
    b. Utopia
    c. The case of India
    d. The Blank Slate
    e. Patterns of Culture
    f. Better Angels of Our Nature
    g. Power Elite
    Archeology, Agriculture, Architecture, and Music
    a. Encyclopedia
    b. Wikipedia
    c. The Koran
    Medicine
    a. Pharmacopoeia
    b. Herbal Pharmacology in China
    c. Death of Darwinism
    d. Encyclopedia
    e. Wiklpedia
    a. Harvard Dictionary of Music
    b. Wikipedia
    c. Encyclopedia

      1. Mallory*

        How the heck did Jane Austen sneak on to that list? Kudos for open-mindedness for mixing Hitchens in with major religious texts… I guess?

  262. The claims examiner*

    From a stay at home mom applying to be a legal secretary:

    Name
    Date of birth
    Entire social security number
    Number of children
    Number of pets

    I recently received one that was an application for my own job, but about 6 months late. This person had 4 pages of management experience in the national guard and a lot of really impressive distinctions. He had also written several books and worked with a very famous pilot from our area. The job was for office administrator though so I’m not sure what he was thinking was going to happen.

  263. Retiring academic*

    There are some great things here! In the days – long gone – when I reviewed job applications for a catering company, the best was a chef (male) who’d ‘worked in a brassiere’. Not sure if that was autocorrect, bad spelling, or it was just really hot in the kitchen, but I did write back and suggest he correct it before applying anywhere else.

  264. TheOtherLiz*

    For a door to door fundraising job: degree and course work in something like astrophysics and then, at the bottom, the sole entry in the hobbies section was “Manualism” and mentioned an appearance on a talk show. What is manualism, we wondered? So we googled. It is the art of making music – fart noises – with your hands.

  265. Jess*

    Under Skills & Interests the candidate added “One of DC’s Top Ten Crushable Bartenders” – with a link to the article, with a quote from the candidate that on the dance floor he shakes his hips just like he shakes cocktails.

  266. OhBehave*

    Aside from the horrific spelling and punctuation errors?

    A recent applicant noted under Special Skills – I can stay awake very late without coffee.

  267. SallyForth*

    The position asked for a university degree in one of three related areas plus specific additional courses easily available through a local professional association or community college.

    The applicant claimed to have attended the “School of Hard Knocks” for both high school & university! Let’s just say you were someone who had 20 years experience in the sector & you foolishly did this to emphasize you were coming in with on-the-job experience… But the person was in his mid-20s and the cover letter cockily assured us he knew he could do the job without the education.

    It was one of those times where you are really tempted to straighten the applicant out.

  268. Runs On Chocolate*

    A resume I reviewed this week had, under “Experience,” the role of Living Statue. I hire for a Marketing team in a tech company.

    Despite how ludicrous this was, I was tempted to bring the person in for an interview, just because they’d hit my funny bone. Then I looked again and saw that they’d listed the position as “July 2017-Present.”

  269. kea*

    I once got a seven-page resume where every single job was being an extra in a different movie. Seven pages.

  270. PolicyChick*

    This is amusing and all, but it is SO SO depressing too. I’ve been working so hard on writing a good resume and crafting cover letters (which I HAAATE) and I’ve only had two interviews in the past year. I’m so messed up and I so need a job.

  271. Heather*

    Ohhh my “One applicant mentioned that she had a large collection of dolls for which she would sew intricate costumes. It was … not helpful.” – that could have been me when I first started work!! (To be fair, I was trying to get jobs in either clothing stores or fabric/craft stores at the time, so it was vaguely related at least)

    1. laylaaaaaaaah*

      Yeah, I think with some of these, the issue is less ‘this is weird and unhelpful’ and more ‘this is weird and unhelpful for this specific industry/role’. So like, when I was recruiting for maths teachers, the guy whose ‘hobbies and interests’ sections contained three paragraphs about his Warhammer fanfic came across as much less of an appealing candidate than he might have done had I been recruiting for, say, freelance creative writers.

  272. Vodka Quiet*

    We got some interesting ones last round, but the standout was definitely one candidate’s writing sample. The first red flag was that it was a jpeg. Nobody’s writing sample should be a jpeg, much less white text on a black background. Given that, the story of the candidate’s drug journey was possibly less of a surprise than it should have been.

  273. Jacqueline*

    I’ve been in HR/Recruiting for 10 years, so I have so, so, so many. I actually used to have a “Wall of Shame” in my cubicle. I would pull these down to read if I was having a bad day.

    Some highlights:

    – I just recently had someone apply who listed that they got their masters in May 1196. Yes, I realize this is a simple typo, but when you list “Attention to Detail” as a top skill, you may want to make sure you don’t accidentally make yourself roughly 850-years-old.

    – Another resume I once got had ridiculous synopses of everywhere they worked. Here’s an example (please keep in mind that the only thing I changed was the name and city):

    Dumb College, Some City

    Dumb College is one of seven work colleges in the United States and the only one with a student managed work program. What does this mean? You have a chance to build a strong resume, even get management experience, while attending college and reducing your costs because you are not only a student – you are staff!

    – There was the person who emailed me their resume…as in, they copied the words in the document and pasted them into the body of the email.

    – I’ve seen people with advanced degrees list ALL of their education…I’m talking listing their middle school.

    – I saw one engineering student’s resume where some other recruiter had told her to make her resume stand out, so she put all kinds of crazy, elaborate charts and graphs in her resume. Made the whole document close to six pages and she was a student, so no work experience, meaning she had no logical reason to have resume that long.

    – I once had a candidate send me the same cover letter twice. Both times, the letter was addressed, “Hell (MyName)” and they spelled “Title” as “Titilie”. They were applying for a job at a mortgage company…as a Title Manager.

    – One of my favorites was a woman who’d been a SAHM for a few years and was trying to get back into the workforce. Instead of having gaps in her resume, she listed her duties for being a SAHM and they were fan-freaking-tastic. She put preparing meals, managing multiple schedules, negotiation skills, etc. I hated that I didn’t have an opening for her.

    – There was the woman who’s cover letter said she “puts on a cape everyday” and she couldn’t wait to “bring that cape to XYZ Company”. I tossed that one quickly.

    – Of all of the resumes I’ve seen in my 10 years as a recruiter, the creme de la creme will always be the 18 page engineering resume. You may think, “Maybe he had that much experience.” If that’s what you thought, you were sorely mistaken. His actual experience took up, probably four or five pages, which is totally reasonable for an engineer, but that wasn’t the issue. See, at the time, I was one of those evil agency recruiters, or “headhunters,” so I was constantly looking for good candidates to give to my customers so that I could make a commission (and, truth be told, stay employed). This guy, being acutely aware of the fact that headhunters found candidates by going on job boards and searching for skill key words…added every possible search term a headhunter may use so that he’d always be found. I don’t mean that he added them into the body of his resume, I mean that somewhere between 3-5 pages of his 18 page resume were devoted to nothing but these key words. Something like this:

    engineering, mechanical, project management, petroleum, oil and gas, PMP, directional drilling, analytical thinking, teamwork, creative, drafting, PRO-E, CAD, trouble shooting, problem solving, presentation skills, advanced computer, etc, etc, etc…

    Let me reiterate, this went on for PAGES.

    Then there was a multi-page dissertation about which geographic areas were acceptable to him as a work location. The instructions for this section of his resume (yes, you read that correctly, “INSTRUCTIONS”), informed the flabbergasted headhunter that if we didn’t have a job in one of those areas, don’t bother contacting him.

    Probably the best of all of it was the five or six (maybe more) pages of formulas. You may think, “Yeah, sure, engineers…formulas…makes sense.” Again, you’d be wrong. After he told the unassuming recruiter WHERE he was going to live, he also had created his own cost-of-living adjustment calculator, so that there was an acceptable minimum salary for EACH geographic area he considered suitable. Then, in true engineer fashion (trust me, I’ve recruited engineers for a good part of my career, my best friend is an engineer, my step dad is an engineer, my son wants to be an engineer, my ex-husband was an engineer, my former FIL was an engineer, my ex-boyfriend was an engineer, and my current boyfriend is an engineer…I have learned how their brains “typically” work), this guy didn’t trust that whoever found his resume would be smart enough to actually work out this formula on their own, so he worked out the formula for each location (with step-by-step instructions on how he got the answer for each part of the formula).

    For possibly a week after uncovering this, I could do nothing else but gawk at what an intricate piece of art this resume truly was. No matter how one may try, they could never come close to this glory.

  274. Nom047*

    In my line of work I often review resumes from people around the world. Of course, resume culture varies drastically across countries so you will definitely find people listing their religion, marital status, etc. which we find inappropriate here but is very normal elsewhere. Sometimes you will even see resumes that don’t list work history at all, or it’s very vague (“I was a doctor from 2006 – 2010”).

    My favorite resume I ever saw had an endorsement section with some quotes from former bosses. He also had a quote saying what a great person he was… from his wife. His resume was full of pretty good jokes and we did end up hiring him. Unfortunately I left the company before finding out how he worked out.

  275. A completely different Steve*

    I once received a CV containing the detailed contents (about 10-12 sides) of a book on basic programming, I guess to show that the applicant had once taken a course on IT. It wasn’t even applicable to the position, though it was for a vaguely IT-related job. I really wanted to contact them and ask what led them to include it.

  276. XF1013*

    For a very technical server-administrator position, I received a resume from someone with zero tech experience, whose only job had been as a receptionist. Her email address was sexxxyblonde24 at a generic email service. When I laughingly mentioned this to various people at the company, I was dismayed at how many men asked me to bring her in for an interview so they could meet her. One suggested hiring her because “she’d be fun to have around.”

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