jerks

A reader writes:

My fiance’s boss invited all of his employees to dinner for tonight. However, my fiance and 1 other employee failed to respond to work alerts at 3 a.m. on Wednesday, so as punishment the boss cancel the dinner yesterday, but today, the boss has decided that the dinner is back on. I flew in from out of town to attend the dinner, but the initial cancellation ruined it for us. So would we be wrong to not attend? 

My fiance and I are going back and forth on whether or not we should go. He says it won’t jeopardize his job, but I know these things can be tests and he’s a new hire, having only been with the company for a month.

This boss is an immature fool, and probably an ass in general. Who cancels dinners as “punishment”? And then reinstates them? I feel like I might have seen this behavior in seventh grade. (Wait, I actually have a terrible feeling that I might have done this in seventh grade.)

I’d be on high alert for further evidence that this guy is a buffoon and has no clue how to manage a team of people.

In any case, if your fiance weren’t a new hire, he could just say that he made other plans once the dinner was canceled … but since he’s a new hire without a lot of standing yet, I’d suck it up and go. Besides, if this guy’s behavior so far is any guide, the dinner will undoubtedly give you fodder to laugh about later … which is a mindset your fiance might find he needs to adopt a lot at this job.

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the worst boss of 2011 is…

December 31, 2011

We have a winner!  558 votes are in, and the worst boss of the year is the manager who ran a contest for employees where they could win $10 by guessing which of their coworkers would be fired next … with 21% of the vote.

The runners-up:

* The boss who constantly made jokes about anorexia, told our reader that she’s “only a girl” and he didn’t expect much out of her, and warned her about what people would think if she went to lunch with male coworkers – 19%

* The manager who was trying to find out who had “betrayed” another employee by reporting suspected child abuse - 19%

* The employer who insisted on written permission from a supervisor for more than three bathroom breaks a day - 17%

* The boss who kept stealing employees’ lunches even after being asked to stop (leaving our highly allergic reader without anything to eat for the day) – 12%

* The boss who refused to give employees lists of the clients they were contractually obligated to serve – 8%

* The boss who demanded a doctor’s note when an employee wanted to move her desk three feet within her own cubicle – 3%

* The boss who allowed an employee to constantly sleep on the job, and who suggested that annoyed coworkers “drop a big book” if they wanted to wake her up – 1%

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We’ve had plenty of bad boss stories this year, and here are eight of the worst.

On Saturday, we’ll crown the worst boss of the year, based on your votes … so please vote in the sidebar to the right. (Voting ends Friday at midnight.) Here are the contenders:

1. The boss who kept stealing employees’ lunches even after being asked to stop (leaving our highly allergic reader without anything to eat for the day)

2. The boss who demanded a doctor’s note when an employee wanted to move her desk three feet within her own cubicle

3. The employer who insisted on written permission from a supervisor for more than three bathroom breaks a day

4. The boss who allowed an employee to constantly sleep on the job, and who suggested that annoyed coworkers “drop a big book” if they wanted to wake her up

5. The boss who refused to give employees lists of the clients they were contractually obligated to serve

6. The boss who constantly made jokes about anorexia, told our reader that she’s “only a girl” and he didn’t expect much out of her, and warned her about what people would think if she went to lunch with male coworkers

7. The manager who was trying to find out who had “betrayed” another employee by reporting suspected child abuse

8. The manager who ran a contest for employees where they could win $10 by guessing which of their coworkers would be fired next

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A reader writes:

My boss fired me via email at 9 p.m. on Thursday night without warning. In early October, I requested time off for two days at the end of the month to take care of personal business. He wanted to know what personal business I would be conducting and I told him it was to appear as a witness in court. I was on standby for court, and the person accused accepted a plea. I did not have to go to court, so I worked my normal hours on the first day I scheduled off, and then left three hours early on the second day I had scheduled for personal time. My boss learned that the time I spent when I left early was not for the original reason that I had requested, and fired me via email for being dishonest.

In the email, he said that I was to no longer come to his office and he would have my things delivered. I received three boxes of things, including spoiled food from the refrigerator (because it was sitting on my door step). However, he did not include many items. I also have electronic pay stubs and other personal/work related emails saved on my work email that I am unable to access.

Should I be able to pack my things at the office? If I request copies of such emails, (pay stubs, incentive schedules, saved discussions about problematic situations, the raise he gave me last week) is required to supply them? I feel like cowardly email has robbed me of any documentation I may need to get my unemployment.

Wow, your boss is an incredible jerk in multiple ways — from the belief that he’s entitled to know how you’re going to spend your time off, to the firing you for a senseless reason, to the refusal to let you return to the office to get your things, to the leaving of food on your doorstep.  I’m guessing that this isn’t the first time he’s behaved like a complete ass, right?

Anyway, he’s entitled to have the company handle the packing up and delivery of your things if that’s how he wants to play it, but he’s not entitled to keep personal items of yours. So send him an itemized list of whatever items weren’t delivered, and tell him that he can either arrange their delivery in the next couple of days or you will collect them in person yourself. Be polite, but assert yourself.

Any physical property of yours absolutely must be returned to you.

However, electronic items that you were keeping on your work computer aren’t technically yours. The company owns the contents of your work computer, even personal items that you were keeping on there. You can certainly request that specific electronic items be forwarded to you, but he’s not required to do so … and almost certainly will not forward you the more sensitive ones, like “discussions about problematic situations.”  Asking for those will sound like you’re contemplating using them in litigation, and since he has no incentive or requirement to give them to you, I doubt that he will. (This is why it’s a bad idea to keep your sole copies of important, personal items on a work computer.)

As for collecting unemployment, I wouldn’t worry that you won’t have sufficient documentation. In most states, unemployment eligibility is heavily weighted toward the employee, and as long as you clearly present your side of what happened, and the fact that your time off was approved in advance, you should be fine in that regard.

This guy is a jerk of epic proportions. I hope you find somewhere better soon.

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A reader writes:

I have a bit of a weird situation and was wondering if you had any advice on how to deal with my manager. I’ve recently been transferred to a new department, working in a new office environment, under a new manager. His diet consists mainly of fast food and take-out.

I have crazy allergies to a bunch of foods, and chemicals found in most processed foods. Some are the swell-up-like-a-balloon-and-stop-breathing kind of allergy. I make most of my food at home and bring it with me to work. I’m really open about my allergies so that people understand I’m just defective, not rude. And most people get it. Except my manager.

He eats my lunch out of the staff fridge on an almost daily basis as if the food fairy left him a gift. I resorted to packing meals that I could keep at my desk, and he started raiding my drawers when I would be in meetings or away from my desk. When I try to address the fact that he’s stealing my food, he tries to butter me up by complimenting my cooking then walks away.

Any thoughts on how I can handle this situation? Especially strategies that don’t have me going above him to complain to his manager (also, we have no HR department to turn to).

Your boss is either incredibly rude or has some kind of eating compulsion problem. Or both.

You’ve got two choices:

1. Talk to him directly. Not in passing, not off-the-cuff, but a serious, sit-down conversation that sounds something like this: “Jim, as you know, I have serious food allergies. When you eat the food that I brought to work with me, it means that I can’t eat anything that day since I can’t replace it with just anything that happens to be accessible. So when you take my food, I literally cannot eat until I go home. Like most people, I don’t do well when I’m starving. This is a medical issue for me. I need you to stop taking my food.”

If he jokes it off, repeat again, “This is a medical issue for me. If you’re going to continue taking my food, it will put me at risk of a medical problem. How can we solve this?”

If you’re like most people, you probably don’t feel 100% comfortable having this kind of stern conversation with your boss. But when you’re dealing with someone so willing to violate normal boundaries, your best bet is often a simple, direct assertion that the behavior needs to stop. I’m not going to tell you that there’s no chance of it creating tension between the two of you; it might. But you’re so clearly in the right and he’s so clearly in the wrong that it’s also likely that he’ll just feel sheepish and back off.

2. Get a locking lunchbox. Seriously. I searched online for one and couldn’t find any easily, but I did find suggestions to use a small locking toolbox or one of those lockboxes that people store money in. Get something that can only be opened with a key or a numerical combination.

But all this aside, this guy is going through your desk to steal your food, after you’ve asked him to stop. Something’s not quite right in his head.

Want to read an update to this post? The reader’s update several months later is here.

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Want to see something that makes the “I’ll fire you if you don’t replace the milk” guy look like a model manager?

Gawker is really on a roll with their coverage of crazy workplace stories: An Iowa convenience store owner ran a contest for his employees where they could win $10 by guessing which of their coworkers would be fired next. Here’s his memo explaining the game:

New Contest – Guess The Next Cashier Who Will Be Fired!!!

To win our game, write on a piece of paper the name of the next cashier you believe will be fired. Write their name [the person who will be fired], today’s date, today’s time, and your name. Seal it in an envelope and give it to the manager to put in my envelope.

Here’s how the game will work: We are doubling our secret-shopper efforts, and your store will be visited during the day and at night several times a week. Secret shoppers will be looking for cashiers wearing a hat, talking on a cell phone, not wearing a QC Mart shirt, having someone hanging around/behind the counter, and/or a personal car parked by the pumps after 7 p.m., among other things.

If the name in your envelope has the right answer, you will win $10 CASH. Only one winner per firing unless there are multiple right answers with the exact same name, date, and time. Once we fire the person, we will open all the envelopes, award the prize, and start the contest again.

And no fair picking Mike Miller from (the Rockingham Road store). He was fired at around 11:30 a.m. today for wearing a hat and talking on his cell phone. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously.

This ended up in the news after a state judge ruled that the employees who quit in protest could indeed collect unemployment, writing, “The employer’s actions have clearly created a hostile work environment by suggesting its employees turn on each other for a minimal monetary prize. This was an intolerable and detrimental work environment.”

(You’ve got to wonder about the word “minimal” in there; it’s not like this would have been better if the prize had been larger.)

And the owner’s defense of the contest? At the unemployment hearing, the store manager — not the owner, who created the contest — explained that the contest came about because employees weren’t following store rules:   “None of them were doing their job,” she testified. “They’ve repeatedly been told not to use their phone while they’re working, that bad language is totally unacceptable and, you know, playing video games while you’re working is not acceptable. They just broke all those rules.”

Moral of the story: If you’re a manager who finds yourself having to push, cajole, or run contests in order to get your employees to do their jobs correctly, you are not doing your job correctly, and you should probably be on that firing list yourself.

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We’ve had questions about coworkers commenting on weight and food choices before, but this one is from a different angle. A reader writes:

My boss and owner of the company is completely fixated on my weight lately. I’m an average 23-year-old girl weighing in at 115 lbs with no weight concern at all. These comments started a few weeks ago and I’ve worked here for 2 years now, maintaining the approximately the same weight. Before I left for lunch last week, he said, “Oh there goes Emily…off to eat at the anorexic buffet.” This was in front of 3-4 of my coworkers. Returning from lunch that day, he said “How was your lettuce leaf and cracker? Did anybody see Emily go to the bathroom and throw that up yet?” Every day there is a comment about it and I am getting annoyed. Really annoyed since he specifically made me let go of a unpaid intern for being “too fat” just 2 months ago. I have lost any respect for him and find his behavior disgusting.

Even better, since he has started making comments, my coworkers have started to join in and make their own jokes about my weight. I don’t think it is appropriate for anybody to be concerned about my body besides me and my doctor.

I don’t know what people hope to gain by comments like this. I mean, if he was seriously worried that you were anorexic, this would be the worst possible way to handle it — so we’ve got to assume that he’s just commenting on your body for the sake of … commenting on your body? Ick. Anyway, regardless of the reason, it’s wildly inappropriate and none of his business.

You need to say something to him. This can be be an in-the-moment response or a separate conversation with him later, based on your knowledge of him and what will likely go over better.

If you go with an in-the-moment response, you have all kinds of options, from “I’m not discussing my food choices at work” to “That’s not appropriate” to simply (my favorite)”Wow.” (I stole that from Carolyn Hax and it’s pretty effective.)

If you decide to talk to him later, privately, you’d say something like this:  ”I know you’re just joking around, but I don’t want people commenting on my body or my food choices at work. Not only does it cross a line with me, but I assume it makes other people uncomfortable too. No one should have to feel that their body or their diet is being scrutinized when they’re focusing on work.”

Frankly, you could even add, “We have no way of knowing who might actually be struggling with an eating disorder, or who has someone close to them who is, and these comments could be extremely hurtful to someone.”

As for your coworkers, I’d handle them the same way.

If it continues after that, just ignore it. Don’t engage, and accept that you work with asses.

By the way, if your office has an HR department, you might talk to them about this. They’re going to be more sensitive to the legal issues this could raise and therefore likely to put a stop to it. (As for those legal issues, a male boss commenting on a female subordinate’s body isn’t a good thing … and if it turned out that he was making these comments to someone who was, say, thin because of a health problem, that wouldn’t be good either.) Plus, there’s the whole being-a-jerk thing.

Oh, and the next time someone tells you to fire someone because they’re too fat, say no. Respond like they must be joking (because obviously they can’t really mean that), go to HR, whatever you need to do.

What do other people think?

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I spent several hours this evening tracking down and emailing sites that have reprinted my content without permission, so please indulge me in a brief public service announcement:

You cannot take someone’s content off the web and put it on your own site without their permission. It is not yours to use as you wish; it is theirs.

Now, what you can do is to reprint a small excerpt — say, a paragraph — and then link back to their site for the complete article. That’s completely legitimate and most bloggers really appreciate that.

But what you can’t do is reprint their entire article, even if you credit them for the content. If you want to do that, you need to secure their permission first.

What’s even worse are sites that reprint someone else’s content and strip the original writer’s name off of it — i.e., presenting it as their own. Even though this is obviously beyond shady, even sites as mainstream as the  New York State Department of Labor are currently doing it to me.

So to the many sites currently stealing my and other people’s content rather than writing their own:  You suck!

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A reader writes:

I work in a large, windowless room with eight other people. Up until recently, we had wooden dividers that gave each employee a bit pf privacy, but allowed us to have each employee’s desk arranged so that it faced out to the fairly open common area.

A couple of months ago my supervisor insisted he wanted cubicles for our office instead of what we currently had, so he eventually found a way to convince upper level management to provide them from another office that had closed. They are attractive, but not all that functional. In addition to that, the problem everyone has with them is that instead of having each of our desks face out into the common work area, as they did before, each person now sits in the far back corner of the cubicle opposite the entrance, facing the corner two walls! It reminds me of when I was punished as a child and had to go sit in the corner. Of course, the boss has a large office with windows, and he is clueless about the impact on staff morale this is having on all of us.

On top of this, I am an adult survivor of childhood abuse, and as a result, I have issues with mild claustrophobia. I have been on my current job for over 2-1/2 years with no problem, until now, and did not see it as an issue until recently. After the cubicles were installed, I set up my work area so that my computer faces the side instead of the back, so I can see out of the cubicle into the open area. When he saw it, my supervisor immediately ordered me to move my computer back to the corner. I was subsequently forced to disclose my problem with claustrophobia (without telling him the cause) and asked for the concession of having my computer on the side instead of the back (a distance of three whole feet). Instead of being understanding, he sent my request to his boss, who sent it to her boss, who called me out of the blue about it! I admitted my problem, and the background it came from, and asked for the concession. This person demanded the name and phone number of my therapist! I told him (truthfully) it was 15 years ago and I have no idea where she is now. He next asked me a bunch of questions about the extent of my claustrophobia and demanded that I go to my personal physician – who is NOT a therapist – and get a doctor’s excuse for my claustrophobia.

I feel like this is an invasion of my privacy and, frankly, none of their business. It’s not like I asked for an office with a window for heaven’s sakes! I just asked to move my computer three feet.

My question is: Can they demand an excuse from my doctor? This would involve me having to disclose the claustrophobia to yet another person – my doctor, plus having to take my leave time and pay a pricy insurance co-pay for something I don’t think I should have to do. What do you recommend?

Can they, legally, demand proof of your need for an accommodation? Yes. Should they? Of course not.

Similar to the recent question about an employer monitoring an employee’s bathroom breaks, this reeks of a company that puts a dysfunctional need for control above results. And apparently it’s not just your manager who has this problem, as evidenced by the fact that your manager didn’t just handle your request himself but instead felt he needed to check with his boss, who in turn felt she needed to check with her own boss, who in turn felt this was precisely the sort of thing worth spending his own time on. Seating arrangements.

And the fact that a manager three levels above you thought that it was appropriate to ask for the name and phone number of your therapist (and as if a therapist would be willing to answer his questions about you!) speaks additional volumes about the severe boundary problems you’re facing.

Get the doctor’s note, and then start working on getting another job.

And if between this and the bathroom post, it seems like I’ve been too quick lately to recommend leaving over this type of thing, it’s because these are the sorts of things that are indicative of deeply-rooted, awful management … which won’t just impact your bathroom breaks or the direction you face when sitting at your desk — it’ll impact you in all kinds of ways while you work there, big and small.  And you cannot change that on your own, particularly in a case like this, where it’s not just one terrible manager but at least three levels of management above you. The only long-term solution is to go work somewhere that understands what a manager’s job is and how to do it.

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Periodically, I like to throw out a question to readers to answer. Here’s one for you to tackle — and the story is long and juicy. Have at it in the comments…

I work in a field that’s big on mentoring — at one point or another, everyone in my field had to intern. In fact, the program I graduated from requires a 6-week internship in the final year. I had some great experiences that really helped shape my career as an intern, so now that I’m doing well and am in a position to pay it forward, I did. After giving a skype-talk to students at the university I graduated from, I was contacted by one of them asking to intern with me. She was quite aggressive and had a lengthy portfolio and resume, as well as good references from people I trust at the university, so I agreed.

I’m based overseas, and I explained to her multiple times that while she’s welcome to come, my company was not able to cover her travel or living costs while here, nor were we able to pay her for the internship (this isn’t uncommon — most internships in my field are unpaid). I said this to her verbally as well as in writing, and my manager repeated this information as well.

I work from home, so in the interest of giving her the best experience, we worked out that she’d be based with me for the first half, then go with me to the main office in another city, where she’d finish the internship. At some point in the lead up to this, she asked if she could stay at my house while she was job shadowing me, and somehow, in a fit of wanting to help her out, I agreed. 

Once she arrived, it quickly went downhill. I discovered that not only had she not booked any sort of hotel in the other city she’d be staying in, but she hadn’t even researched costs in that city — and it’s pricey, and lacking in hostels or other cheap, safe ammenities. While, during work hours, she was flipping out about this, I gave her a couple of possible solutions and reassured her as much as I could, and came up with a solution that I’d actually used when I first moved overseas to that city.

I gave her a few tasks, and was generally unimpressed — it took her far longer than it should, and she didn’t even bother to spellcheck her work before submitting it to me. But I thought “ok, she’s young and it’s her first day.” I also looked the other way when she asked me or my flatmates repeatedly about the “party” scene in our city and seemed more interested in going out and meeting guys than, you know, working. Her first day, I cited first-day jitters and jet lag for the weird behavior. But over the next two days it plummeted even more. Not only was she not performing (to the point I had to basically spoon feed her every tiny task, and was told by my flatmate that, while I was out on work meetings, she’d come back home for lunch at noon to find the intern. . . still asleep), but I had several panicked phone calls from the university — turns out the intern was sending back emails to them basically freaking out that she couldn’t afford this internship, and it was my, my company, and the university’s responsibility to make sure she could. Emails she’d also sent to my boss.

Meanwhile, two days away from home and she was sobbing and crying in my living room . . . The final straw, however, was when one of her friends back home started tweeting about how dare my company not pay our interns and expect them to shell out x amounts for the pleasure of being our slaves, how dare I, personally, treat her this way, and what a horrible horrible company and organization we were to do this to the poor girl. . . tagging both myself, the university, and my company. We’re a media company, so our Twitter feeds are actually part of our online brand and we have thousands of followers. Who all got to see this vitriol. Including my boss’s boss, when our web guy, confused as to what this was, alerted other managers to it, trying to find the culprit so we could get the posts deleted. When both I and the school contacted the intern, she didn’t seem to see why this behavior was such a big deal — and she declined to get her friend to remove the posts.

We had no choice; we had to fire her. I felt horrible about it, and she left … taking with her work she hadn’t completed, as well as my spare phone I’d lent her for her stay. And for the next two weeks more posts went up from her and her friend, tagging my company, about how horrible we all were, how unprofessional, and how I should be fired. 

Fast forward several weeks and she’s back home, trying to find another internship (she needs the credit to graduate, and while if she had completed the projects I’d given her I would have counted the week she was with, since she finished barely half a day’s work in total with me, I just couldn’t), as well as get a job post-graduation. And since her blog and online portfolio which she’s sending out still says she’s going to be interning with my company, and my field back home is fairly small, I’ve gotten a few calls.

My questions are: what responsibility do I have to this girl and her new employers? It’s possible she just freaked out completely — people at the university say this behavior was out of character for her — how much tale-telling am I allowed or obligated to do? I am totally disgusted with her behavior and her friend’s behavior, who both seem to have come out of this feeling self righteous and put upon. I’m 26, I’m on facebook, twitter, etc and I’m careful about it. . . but these kids, barely younger than me, seem to think they can do or say anything they want, and that offends me. Moreover, they have both damaged my credibility with my company — not only did they behave badly on my watch, but they tarnished the reputation of the institution my degree comes from. What can I do to repair that? And is there anything I can do to make sure these two children don’t do this again to someone else? I wasn’t fired — although if I had written those tweets I could have been — but the next person might not be so lucky. Finally, as someone whose name and reputation is crucial to my field, it’s now still sitting out there in cyberland that I’m some sort of horrible unprofessional ogre. What can I do? 

Readers?

Want to read an update to this post? The reader’s update in December 2011 is here.

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