here’s me talking about the ghosting ex

I went on the Pop Tea podcast to talk about the ghosting ex, the guy who pooped in the potted plant, phone anxiety, and much more. It’s episode 10 here. My segment starts at 46:35 and lasts for about 40 minutes. (The hosts of this are really funny!)

I also discussed the ghosting ex on the Why Oh Why podcast, which talks about romance and relationships in the digital age (Vulture called the host “a genius of the cringe,” which is a title I covet). My segment starts at 20:00 here and lasts for about seven minutes.

{ 58 comments… read them below }

  1. Foreign Octopus*

    I know it’s been said before but this is the first time I’ve heard your voice and you sound nothing like I imagine!

    You have a lovely voice though :)

    1. Kiki*

      Same here. I always read Alison’s advice in a deeper voice (I guess more like my own?). But her voice is very nice. I wish she had time to create audio recordings of her answers. I would totally listen to an AAM podcast.

  2. Squeeble*

    I initially misread this title as “here’s me talking about ghosting my ex,” and I was like OK, this is a bit off-brand, but I’m here for it!

          1. SusanIvanova*

            Spend a penny.

            (Lucky 10K moment that I just learned recently: It’s a British phrase that dates from the first demonstration of a flush toilet – for one penny, exhibition-goers (but not exhibitionists – they had privacy!) could try out the new-fangled device.)

  3. Anonymous Educator*

    I love the Why Oh Why podcast. I was pleasantly surprised to hear you on there this week (listened to it before you officially announced it today).

      1. Deloris Van Cartier*

        I love Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. It fulfills my inner religious studies major nerdom!

        1. overly prodcued bears*

          I have never heard of that podcast before, but just on the basis of that excellent name, I’m going to have to track it down :D

  4. YRH*

    Hi Alison. Would you consider adding some sort of podcast/radio topic category? I often check this website when I need a quick mental pause at work and would love to have an easier way of finding these to listen to when I have more free time at home.


        1. EddieSherbert*

          The link didn’t work for me either – but I love the idea of a separate category (I finally had time to listen to these today!).

  5. Undine*

    The ‘What If’ game doesn’t work for me at all. I suspect it only works if your experience or outlook are such that you believe the world to basically something you can handle. My “what’s the worst that can happen” jumps to an image of me shivering and terrified under a blue tarp in a homeless encampment somewhere. I might be able to avoid that, but once I’m there, I’m pretty sure I’d never get out. I can look for a job, but I can also spin into a depression that prevents me from functioning. Overall, AAM’s readership is pretty educated and articulate, which are people with a higher chance of being able to find a job. But for people with fewer job skills and fewer people skills, losing a job really can be the end.

    1. Undine*

      What I can do is focus on probabilities. I can’t prevent the worst from happening, but I can do things that make it less likely to happen. And since the worst is really out of my control, maybe, just maybe, I can manage not to look at it much. But “What’s the worst that can happen?” is terrifying, and much more likely to paralyze me than help..

      1. nonegiven*

        I had a therapist ask me that in group, if you do x, what is the worst that could happen. I told her if I did x, the worst that could happen is y. Then she had to admit it was a perfectly rational fear.

        1. LNZ*

          Right before i was about to move up to the arctic circle for a year long job contract i greaked put a bit (the oh god i can’t believe I’m doing this) and my mom was like whats the worst thay can happen. She was aiming for i hate it and move back home, I replied that i could think if at least 6 different ways i could die. She wasn’t amused.

    2. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Different things work for different people, of course, and depression can create a context where perfectly good advice won’t work. Advice for when you’re depressed or dealing with anxiety is a different thing than advice when those things aren’t in play.

      But in general, when someone is afraid of something, I find that playing out the worst case scenario (“okay, so if X does happen, what will you do?”) can help make it feel less like a big terrifying mass of scariness.

    3. Tobias Funke*

      Agreed! The largely middle class and higher readership obscures that sometimes. And I get it. This is a white collar workplace advice blog. Nothing can be all things to all people. And awareness of that fact is important too.

      1. clow*

        yep me too! Or “If I get fired, no one will ever hire me ever and I will never work in this industry again.” I come up with some pretty bad scenarios when I start considering the worst that could happen.

      2. seejay*

        The interesting thing is that until I met my partner, I never really pictured homelessness as something that *could* happen to someone with an education and white class background. But yep, it happened to him. He wasn’t sleeping under a tarp or on park benches, but he spent a year couch surfing with friends, living off ramen and working odd jobs to survive.

        That’s when I learned there’s many degrees of homelessness and it can look very different for a lot of people. I just didn’t picture it in other ways because I didn’t have to.

        And even with my education and background and white collar job, I still think of it as a worst case scenario for myself. Different situations can make you realize you can go the same way too. It’s probably really unlikely, as I have a lot of fall-back plans that I put in place specifically to avoid it (because it’s a big fear) but it was that fear that made me build those precautions because it was a pretty realistic scenario (immigrant in another country, I don’t have the safety nets I had in place back home).

        1. Jennifer*

          The Hannah and Matt Know It All podcast did an episode about whether or not it’s a great idea to move without a job, and it went into a lot of detail about how Matt tried it and was homeless for a few years or so. Good god, I just can’t do that.

          I hear ya on safety nets, I don’t have the ones I used to have either–no room at those places any more.

  6. Lady Phoenix*

    If there was an AaM “Hall of Fame”, the ghosting ex has definitely made it on their along with:
    *The Duck Club
    *The liver donation conscription manager
    *The “force to work on graduation” manager

  7. Jennifer*

    Regarding phone phobia on the PodTea… People, especially angry clients, are super nitpicky and judgmental about how you speak. I don’t even have time today to get into all the shitty things that happened to me and our phone answerers here. But phone phobia at work is super reasonable to have. I am scarred for life!

  8. clow*

    Oh I hate speaking on the phone so much. The phone is used for texting and calling specific members of my immediate family. Anything else is anxiety producing. I hate using the phone for work (thankfully I never need the phone at my workplace), and for phone interviews. I wish everyone could always just use IM and email or speak to me face to face (which is somehow less anxiety producing using the phone).

    1. Jennifer*

      I have asked certain people privately at work to do just that. Sadly I can’t say it to everyone.

      1. Cyberspace Dreamer*

        I listened yesterday via Apple’s podcast app you can play episodes withou subscribing, that is an option as well.

  9. LJL*

    And I have an answer for the question of why people write to AAM: They know they will get a thoughtful, practical, nonjudgmental, honest response. Alison’s scripts are quite helpful.

    tl;dr: Alison.

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