where are you now? (a call for updates)

At the end of each year, I publish a slew of “where are they now” updates from people whose questions I answered here in the past. In past years we’ve had several hundred each December and it was amazing (and has let me take most of the month off, so thank you).

If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now?  (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.)

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

{ 456 comments… read them below }

      1. scarysugar*

        Please, please update on the team that drove off 3 replacements for dead co-worker! ” How do you sleep at night knowing you took Jane’s job?”

        1. Antilles*

          +1. That still baffles me that the entire team was so into “not replacing Jane’s job” that they even drove off an outsider who never even knew Jane existed.

    1. Sighhhh*

      So sad we never got an update on this one, because I had an eerily similar situation I e-mailed Alison about but I jumped the gun and posted about it in the Open Thread, and she couldn’t publish her response! I crave closure on Jane’s “Stella Gets Her Groove Back” phase, because I never got closure on our office Jane :/

        1. Sighhhh*

          Yep! She’s still there and terrorizing folks/still running her Twitter in the same fashion, but I was promoted to a different position in a different office now so I don’t have to interact with her hardly at all anymore! It’s simply blissful.

          1. Mobius 1*

            I never hang around in the open threads that much, so unfortunately I missed this. What week was it?

      1. LGC*


        I am so sad that you never got closure on your Jane. I can’t believe she’s still on her game though.

    2. Detective Amy Santiago*

      Some others:
      https://www.askamanager.org/2019/07/can-i-report-my-daughters-affair-to-hr-exit-interviews-in-tiny-organizations-and-more.html (#1)
      https://www.askamanager.org/2019/01/my-coworkers-trash-talk-me-in-a-secret-group-chat-keeping-unvaccinated-kids-out-of-our-office-and-more.html (#1)

    1. Hills to Die on*

      I know – it’s like when the Christmas tree first goes up or the first snowfall – hooray!

      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        On the subject of Hanukkah Balls, I was in Rome about a month ago and saw a souvenir shop near the Trevi Fountain selling combined Christmas/Hanukkah decorations. Father Christmas holding a Menorah anyone?

      1. starsaphire*

        Me three! I immediately started humming that when I saw this post.

        Oh please oh please, former LWs, pleeeease!!!

    2. Rexish*

      I haven’t gotten anything done at work today cause I needed to read all the links posted and enjoy the WTF-ery :D

  1. Rabbit*

    I really want to hear from the woman who was being penalised for her mastectomy (mostly in the hope that she was able to burn that place to the ground). I’ll try to think of more… Hitting the ‘Surprise Me!’ button is my downtime activity and every time I love reading letters with updates the most, even if nothing very dramatic happened

    1. It's going tibia good day*

      Seconded! This is the one letter from this year that I think about pretty often, I hope that lady is doing ok.

    2. Malarkey01*

      Also am I the only one that hits Surprise Me but is really thinking show me something batpoop crazy? I’m always so disappointed when a real, but normal, problem comes up.

    3. Star*

      I… I did not know there was a surprise me button.

      And I hope to hesr back from her to. I also in hope that place is no more than ashes now. Maybe if we’re good, Santa will bring us good news!)

    4. AppleStan*

      I had just made it a daily habit to read AAM (meaning, I build it into my work day on my work calendar because I’m learning to be a better manager when I read AAM) when that post came out.

      I was sooooooo floored, I read the entire thing verbatim to my boss who had popped into my office.

      His first words were, “How quickly were those VPs fired?” When I said they hadn’t been, not according to the letter, he said, “There’s no way in hell they would stay…they are a literal bombshell of a lawsuit waiting to happen.”

      Then he walked out.

      My faith in my boss grew bigger that day.

    1. Star*

      Well, you’re definitely in good company! Updates month is legitimately the only reason I’m looking forward to December. (…that that sounds kinda sad. I don’t mean it to be! I don’t hate December, but I don’t look forward to it.)

  2. AnonAnon*

    I definitely want to hear updates from the boss who *really* wanted to use menstrual cups and the boss that kept dumping his pee in the sink.

      1. Star*

        It was a traumatic enough letter that your mind blocked out to protect you? (…I forgot until your comment.)

    1. FormerDisneyCM*

      I have needed an update on the pee-dumping boss since the second I finished reading the post!

    1. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

      Yes, I’d like to hear about them too. I wish OP could find a job quickly and the deportation didn’t harm their travel prospects.

      1. An Amazing Detective-Slash-Genius*

        Same here, and I want to know if they went to the exit interview and how that went down.

  3. Myrin*

    Oho! I actually remembered to write down some letters I’d love to ask for an update for this year! Here goes:

    1. “My coworker is pregnant with my boss’s baby” from November 2017.
    2. “My employee dressed up as a coworker for Halloween to mock her”; this one had an update in December 2017, but I’m dying to know if OP got out okay and whether he ever got to discipline the mocker or at least found someone, anyone else who was on his side.
    3. “I’m helping a peer with a project and she’s wasting a huge amount of my time” from November 2018; I love the somewhat-low-stakes-questions and I’m intrigued to know what became of this.
    4. “My coworker had an affair with a colleague’s husband, and now is treating her badly at work”; this one has also already had an update in July but I’m so curious about what happened since.
    5. “My director lied to HR about me” from just last week.

    1. Hills to Die on*

      I would really like to know about the OP whose dad was dating her boss and her boss was a total controlling dysfunctional harpy. We got updates but it was new, so hoping for another. I hope she’s doing well, and so is her father.

      1. Star*

        Damn, I should have thought of that one. I didn’t think to include anything that already had at least one update.

    2. Yep, me again*

      Option number 1 has an update (you have to go to the search field and it will come up). If there’s another one, I’d love to read it but I don’t think there is.

      1. Myrin*

        Oooh, you’re completely right – after reading it just now, I even remember reading it when it was posted originally. Thanks for pointing this out!

        1. Arts Akimbo*

          It’s an update in a separate post. Put “My coworker is pregnant with my boss’s baby” in the Search This Site box at the top of the page. The original post is first, then the update post is the second result. (Or, was for me anyway.)

          1. BradC*

            Ah, thanks, found it.
            In case it helps anyone else, the title of the follow-up post is “updates: the boss’s baby, the stress exaggerator, and more”

  4. Not That Kind of Lawyer*

    I would love to hear from the OP who recommended her sister for a job and lost a promotion because of that sister’s behavior (3/5/18) and a new update from the employee who received an insulting anniversary gift (3/28/18).

    1. Krabby*

      Oh, just re-read that one about the sister and I second that request.

      That poor woman. I hope she got things figured out.

  5. Aphrodite*

    The one I still think fondly, and a bit sadly, about the OP herself. She at a previous job had a one-night affair with her boss who was married. His wife found out and embarked on a deadly serious campaign of hateful acts against not just her husband but the OP. And when she was hired at the OP’s current company and discovered that she could choose to manage the team the OP was on, she did and gleefully stated her intent to do just that to the OP. The OP had no choice but to leave. The OP’s child’s father is involved in his child’s life but both were so destroyed by the wife that each ended up working in retail.

    I sometimes think of the OP, of her courage, her acceptance, her dignity, and I truly hope it has gotten better for her. Please, if the OP would tell us how she is now I would love to know. And even if she doesn’t she needs to know I truly hope things are much better for her.

    1. LawBee*

      Yes. That one rolls up in the Surprise Me every now and then (and also the links after the letters) and I read it every time and feel sad for the OP every time.

      (Sometimes I wonder what percentage of the website’s revenue comes from the commentariat re-reading old letters over lunch, haha)

    2. Myrin*

      How beautifully stated. Truly one of the most gracious OPs we’ve ever had here.
      I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t feel like sending yet another update given how some commenters treated her but I do think that maybe sometimes she reads comments like yours and knows that there are so many of us who think fondly of her and are cheering her on.

    3. An Amazing Detective-Slash-Genius*

      Do you have a link or title for this one? I’m having a hard time finding it through the search bar.

        1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

          That update made me choke a bit after today’s letter about worrying about an adult child losing their job and becoming a financial liability on their parents. Since both OP and the father of the child ended up back at their parents homes…after all the awful comments about how parents should just let their kids live on the street instead of letting them come home my stomach hurts.

    4. RC Rascal*

      I would like an update on this one as well. OP made some poor decisions, but the wife’s campaign to destroy both her and her ex-husband was unbelievable and relentless. Plus, there is a baby involved now as well. Hopefully they are moving on from this and things have improved for them.

    5. Megan*

      Yes! I want to know how she’s doing, but the comments were pretty harsh to her so I understand if she doesn’t.

    6. Star*

      I hope things are going better for her as well. It’s horrible how one poor choice can cause such devastation. The fact that an innocent child is impacted makes it even more so.

  6. Antilles*

    Skimmed the archives real quick and here’s the Top 5:
    1.) Did we ever get an update from the employer who had a Mean Girls “burn book”? I don’t think so, but man, would love to know if this person ever escaped their high school-inspired workplace.
    2.) Helicopter parent whose dad had questions when she started. Did the employee end up working out and this was just a one-off from a weird parent or did this continue after employment?
    3.) There was one like a year ago where the employee wrote in about their employer and it turned out that this international employer screwed up the visa paperwork so OP got deported. Always wonder what happened to that because it’s so potentially serious to get deported.
    4.) Endless juice cleanses!
    5.) Law of Attraction and pseudo-science. Was it just a one-off thing where you joined at the wrong week or is this really their culture? Did this garbage actually result in a functional team or was it a complete mess?

    1. LilacLily*

      seconding the request for the burn book employee! I would LOVE to know if they followed our suggestions and how it turned out!

  7. blackcatlady*

    I don’t know if it was within this year but a young worker wrote in to say her new coworker had signed her up on a far rightwing hate group site. I personally would have ripped him a new one, gone to HR, and hired a lawyer. Are you still out there OP? Did you successfully get your name removed from that website? Hope so because that kind on thing could come back to haunt you years later.

    1. My Dear Wormwood*

      Yes, I think this is the one I want to hear from the most. I spent all week horrified that someone could sign you up for that kind of thing without your even knowing.

  8. Observer*

    I’d also love to hear about “Lizzie”, the boss who wouldn’t stop talking about her kids. There was one update, but the OP was still trying to find a way to talk to the boss about it.

    1. 2 Cents*

      Is this the boss who shamed her employees’ choices in toys for their kids? She’d say “more plastic junk!?” And other similar statements?

  9. LawBee*

    I’d love an update from this letter:

    The LW was really set up for success in her future job hunt (she was in between her junior and senior year of college) but was terrified about everything. I remember reading her letter and thinking that it probably would hit home to a LOT of people, prestigious internship or no. That seems to be the age where college students start realizing that everything they’re used to is going to end very soon, and every decision they have ever made suddenly feels like the most important wrong choice they ever made, and it is terrifying.

    It would be nice to know how LW turned out, two years later.

    1. Arts Akimbo*

      “every decision they have ever made suddenly feels like the most important wrong choice they ever made, and it is terrifying.”

      So perfectly described!

  10. padge*

    did we ever get an update to the boss who was firing people who wouldn’t get tested to donate their liver? that one still makes me angry to this day

    1. Lady Blerd*

      I almost said there was one but a quick search revealed that I was mixing it up with the letter about the boss who wanted to donate his kidney to the letter writer.

    2. WellRed*

      I don’t think so and I always wanted an update on that one. Hopefully the LW didn’t get coerced in donation surgery and not survive it or something!

      1. Parenthetically*

        I mean, there is no way an organ donor group would EVER allow a person who was feeling coerced to match as a donor. It’s a very extensive and sensitive vetting process — a friend of mine was rejected from donating a kidney to his dad because he mentioned that due to his depression he was planning to wean himself off of post-surgery narcotics as quickly as possible. They flagged him as a potential drug abuser, so no dice for donation.

        1. Kate*

          That is HARSH. You can’t save your dad’s life because you MIGHT someday abuse drugs? Poor guy is probably beating himself up to this day for mentioning it. Seems like a good way to further increase stigma about mental illness, too.

        2. Arts Akimbo*

          Flagged as a potential drug abuser because he said he wanted as few drugs as possible. Makes sense. o_o

          1. Anax*

            I wonder if perhaps they weren’t concerned about drug abuse, but drug dealing – it’s not unheard of for folks to give or sell others the “extra” pills from their prescription, so someone who plans to use “as few drugs as possible” might raise concerns.

            (There’s also a HUGE issue regarding liability for misuse of opioid prescriptions which has been unfolding in the US, which may be a contributing factor.)

            Not that that reaction seems justified in this case, of course!

        3. Ann Onny Muss*

          Given the addictive nature of post-surgery painkillers, wouldn’t everyone be at risk for potential drug abuse?

  11. Sharkie*

    Ok here is my list (no particular order)-
    1 my company won’t let me DJ on the weekends — and refuses to say why
    2 my boss trying to find out who wrote an anonymous sexism report
    3 our HR director might be a pathological liar
    4. my boss doesn’t think the new hire needs a disabled parking pass

    1. snack_attack*

      Agree on #1!

      I mean, if the CEO of Goldman Sachs can DJ on the weekends, why can’t anyone else in finance do so!?

  12. Moonfish*

    I would love to hear about the OP who had to deal with a coworker who started a false fraud investigation to speak to the police safely about her abusing husband, and ruined an innocent coworkers life in the proces.
    No idea how old that one is. But I really want to know what happened.

    1. Blue Eagle*

      This is the letter I most want to receive an update on. Not necessarily regarding the woman who was being abused by her husband but definitely about the woman who was put on unpaid leave because she was framed by the abused woman.

      My recollection is that the OP was a manager and was not the unfortunate woman put on unpaid leave.

      It was a couple of years ago but hopefully Alison can reach out to the OP and find out what ever happened to those two women.

  13. 867-5309*

    I’d like to hear from the former high school bully who was blacklisted from an employer because the woman she bullied worked there. In the previous update she was still going through a tough time and I wonder if she was able to find some peace.

    1. 867-5309*

      Just thought of another one – the person who wrote in after receiving what he thought was an insulting raise (0.05%) and he basically lost it on his manager, saying, “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

      1. JustAnotherGusto*

        I read your phone # too quickly and was like “WHY WOULD SOMEONE PUT THEIR PHONE NUMBER OUT IN PUBLIC” but now I get it :-D

          1. voyager1*

            I remember that letter and the numerous updates. God that was sad to read, but yeah hopefully she found some peace.

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Ditto. This is the one I was going to ask for. I hope something happened quickly for that one.

    1. Jadelyn*

      Due to the comment immediately above this, and the request a ways up for an updated on the Fake It Fridays place, I had a moment of wondering how I could’ve missed a boss asking for orgasm donations.

  14. MistOrMister*

    I just recently re-read the letter from the OP saying an intern lied and caused a coworker to be arrested….when they had on tape that the coworker stole the intern’s jacket. I think that one is from 2013 perhaps, so I doubt I will get my wish of an update. But maybe it will be a Christmas Miracle!!

    I got a huge kick out of update season last year. It was absolutely fabulous.

    1. Stormfeather*

      I gotta admit if I’m going to hope for a Christmas Miracle as far as updates go, it’s going to be in order to hear about, in some way, the girl who quit her job in order to attend her own graduation that she worked for (being a great worker all the while) and the boss wrote in wanting to know if it was her place to set the poor girl straight.

      1. Jen in Oregon*

        That would be a miracle after the well-deserved drubbing they took both from Alison and in the comments. Hopefully they had a change of heart and perspective and will come back to tell us about it, but I also kinda hope that the girl that quit never spoke to anyone at that place ever again.

        1. EnfysNest*

          I think the Christmas miracle we really want from that story would be that the young woman who was fired who somehow finds the post and sends in her own experience with the original firing along with an update wherein she has become wildly successful since her graduation.

      2. Parenthetically*

        Oh gosh, yes, I want that woman to have heard about the article and realized it was her so she can write us all an update from HER perspective. That boss wins every award for cluelessness and insensitivity.

        1. EPLawyer*

          I dunno, the one who wouldn’t give their employee a day off on her birthday because her birthday was February 29 then doubled down in an update might win that award. Would love an update on that one too. Did the boss ever unbend?

          Also, this reminded me (my mind works in weird ways sometimes), about the one where the restaurant owner didn’t want employees carrying narcan or calling a social services organization instead of the cops when someone od’ed in the restaurant. It was an employee who wrote in. I would love to her how things went.

          1. Leap Year Conspiracy*

            I was literally just telling friends about the Leap Year shenanigans letter last night as 2020 will be a leap year! So appalling, even more so that the policy as described by the manager allowed for the flexibility to give the woman her birthday off every year (if you give people with Saturday and Sunday birthdays the day before or after off, you can give one person 2/28 off instead of the 29 EVERY YEAR without re-writing a policy).

    2. PB*

      I think that was actually in the last couple years, since I think that came in after I started reading in 2017. I’d love an update to that one! I’m skeptical, however, since no one agreed with the letter writer’s interpretation of events.

  15. Chocolate Teapot*

    The sad story of the workers who raised a collection for a co-worker’s premature baby, but the person who was going to pay the money died in a car crash and nobody was sure what to do. I often wondered how that one ended up.

    1. valentine*

      I think about this one a lot.

      Also, the one where the board member refused to let anyone baby-sit and took her kids to meetings.

      A great update would be the manager giving their Leap Year employee the birthday stuff, including for past years.

  16. PB*

    I’d love to hear from any of the letter writers whose employer was trying to be their therapist, including:

    -The emoji feelings chart: https://www.askamanager.org/2018/09/my-office-has-a-mandatory-feelings-chart.html
    -The deeply personal poems at a staff meeting: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/04/we-have-to-write-deeply-personal-poems-and-share-them-at-a-staff-meeting.html
    -The twice-daily mandatory group therapy: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/02/we-have-twice-daily-mandatory-group-therapy-at-work.html (I know there was an update for this already, but I’d love to hear how they’re doing now!)

    1. I don't know who I am*

      How on earth did I miss the poetry one? I’m stunned that anyone thought that was a good idea. The poetry in the comments are hilarious though. I kind of hope the OP went with one of them.

  17. Sherm*

    Definitely the one where the employee ran a background check on the OP, found out about an old minor arrest, and confronted her about it.

      1. Chidi Anna Kendrick*

        I’m a new manager, and any time I think I’ve messed up, I feel a little better knowing that I’ve never dumped my own pee on my staff’s dishes.

  18. Another Sarah*

    I’d like to read an update from the LW whose friend/professional contact Arya purposely lied about a reference (giving a bad employee a great reference and vice versa) so she could offload a terrible employee and keep a stellar one.

  19. 867-5309*

    Last suggestion from me: The interns who banned together to change the dress code policy… Did they ever truly see where they went wrong? Did any of them take your advice and reach out to the employer with an apology? Have they had an internship or started their careers since?

      1. 867-5309*

        I saw that update. It just didn’t tell us a lot. I wanted to know more or to possibly hear from the original letter writer.

    1. Dot Warner*

      It’d also be nice to hear from the lone intern who did not sign the petition, and thus, did not get fired. What was the rest of the summer like for that person?

  20. LH Holdings*

    Alison actually has an update on this one and I’m hoping that she’ll finally share it: “How to support an employee facing unfounded accusations of racism.” The comments on this one were so unacceptable that the comments were closed. I’m REALLLLLLLLY hoping that Alison will finally publish the update.

      1. LH Holdings*

        She mentioned it somewhere. I can’t remember if it was on an open thread or even maybe a similar post asking for suggestions for updates, but I absolutely remember her mentioning that she had an update.

    1. President Porpoise*

      Oh, and the guy who was super racist against the fast food workers. I doubt there’s an update since he was doubling down in the comments so hard, but I want him to have stopped being so awful and to be able to tell us about it.

  21. Not the droid you’re looking for*

    The VP who was about to start a new job where the employee with performance concerns was her husband’s ex-wife and she was originally supposed to start and then decide if ex-wife was salvageable or needed to be let go. I only saw updates in the comments where VP had relayed the info to her soon-to-be boss and they were deciding what to do.

  22. Observer*

    One I know we won’t get is the one where the boss wouldn’t let a staff person go to her graduation. What I REALLY want to know is how things worked out for the staff person.

  23. Scott*

    Going through the past year, these are the ones I would love updates on:

    – My coworker is obsessed with us being happy all the time

    – My boss excessively photoshops herself on our company’s social media

    – My boss’s angry husband calls multiple times a day for her

    – How patient do I need to be with a coworker with mental health issues who lashes out at me?

    – My employee keeps telling me his “expectations” of me

    – My coworker writes a mean blog about me

    – My employee caused a drunken scene at coworker’s wedding

    – My office is walking on eggshells around our overly friendly coworker

    – My boss sent my client a flirty message from my email account

    And this one from 2018, I would have bet money at the time that we would have received an update fairly quickly, but I haven’t seen one:

    – My employer fined me $90 for being late

    1. E*

      Yes. Very much want to hear about the Photoshop boss. (Though in actuality I just really want to see the bad photoshopping.) Maybe this one is too recent?

      1. Kat*

        The whole letter was crazy but the most bonkers thing to me was the bus stop. Like how can you police employees out on a public street outside of work hours?!!!!!!!!

        1. Mama Bear*

          I wonder if Casey ever got help. To write up other employees for wearing only their wedding ring is bananas.

  24. Kes*

    Possibly too early, but I’d love more updates on https://www.askamanager.org/2019/10/update-i-now-manage-the-guy-who-hired-me-and-im-afraid-he-might-quit-over-it.html where OP was being criticized by management for not being able to keep Tom around after they screwed him over and was worried for the company’s and her own future

    Also I’m not sure if we ever got an update from https://www.askamanager.org/2019/03/i-manage-a-horrible-micromanager.html but it would be interesting to hear if OP was able to turn her report’s behaviour around

    1. EvilQueenRegina*

      There was one not that long after where Fergusia the micromanager had started to make improvements after having realised that other managers were shocked at some of the things she did like the excessive checklists – I would really like to know if she sustained it.

  25. Mrs. Smith*

    The update I’ve been hoping for is the one we’re likely never to get: the woman who, having been raised in a foster family, worked full-time as a model employee while putting herself through college and asked for an afternoon off to attend her own graduation, WAS DENIED AND NONE OF HER JERK COLLEAGUES WOULD OFFER TO COVER FOR HER, so she quit on the spot, and her boss was the one asking if s/he was right to try to reach out to her and straighten her out because Boss believed she was unfamiliar with professional norms. All the commentariat were, like, hoping to hire her and hoping Boss has developed chronic near-fatal hiccups or something . . . I wanna know that she had an awesome time at her own graduation, got a great job, and is having an excellent life. Who’s with me?

    1. juliebulie*

      Really, all these walk-down-memory-lane mentions today would be thrilling to get updates on. But the ones that really get me are the ones where LW is clearly, and deeply, in the super-wrong. I fantasize that they will write back to report that karma has been slapping them in the face every morning when they wake up. But I know most such people do not write in with updates (though some do, like Mr. I Ghosted On My Ex And Now She’s My Boss).

      1. Parenthetically*

        Mr. Ghost pretty clearly learned nothing from that experience when he wrote back, though — he’d just blown his life up AGAIN rather than, you know, acquiescing to his bosses’ expectations or learning some better interpersonal skills, all while blaming the real problem on nepotism or whatever.

          1. juliebulie*

            I think he actually wrote back twice, or maybe it was just once but with frequent additional comments showing his continued cluelessness.

    1. President Porpoise*

      The lady who got in trouble for breaking dress code with her maternity clothing. That was messed up.

  26. EvilQueenRegina*

    I know this isn’t perhaps as interesting as some of the ones posted here, and I also know there was an update not that long afterwards, but I’d really like to know whether Fergusia the micromanager is sustaining the improvements she was making. I’d had my own Fergusia who was off sick at that time and I was on tenterhooks waiting to know if she was coming back (she didn’t) so that one kind of hit home for me and made me realise I wasn’t alone.

    1. Mainly Lurking*

      Yeah, I think that one had a few updates, none of which were particularly satisfying.

      I really hope the letter writer managed to escape that awful place.

  27. Garibaldi*

    I know it was posted recently, but I’d love to hear an update from the OP whose mother was tracking her via messenger app. It was posted on 10/30/2019.

  28. CatCat*

    Also, was not in a letter to Alison, but in the Friday open thread… poster “Snoozing Loser” who was treated terribly after nodding off at work after pulling all-nighters almost a year ago, I still think of you and hope you’re in a much better place. If you have any updates, please share. This internet stranger and generally decent person is pulling for you.

    1. tomorrow was the hardest place I'd ever try to go*

      Same. I really hope the person only stopped updating because they got a lawyer and the lawyer advised them not to while they pursued legal action. I hope they’re otherwise doing okay.

      1. fogharty*

        Yes, I’ve searched comments looking for an update from Scrimpie. Also searched for “hussy” but that doesn’t help.
        I’m sorry I don’t have a link to her story, which was on an open thread, IIRC.

      2. Crackles*

        Yes, we need an update from Scrimpie. I know she was advised not to write much more until her Lawyer could take action but I hope she’ll come back once that happens.

    2. President Porpoise*

      Also the Destroyer of Worlds, with her giant pile of retaliation that she was dealing with. I suspect the lawyers were also recommending that she not talk about hr situation anymore either.

    1. I don't know who I am*

      That letter was so sad, I really hope the OP called the relevant authorities in her area. I couldn’t look someone like that in the eyes without my complete contempt showing.

  29. banzo_bean*

    I would love an update to the woman who found out through a friend that her company’s newest hire had completely fabricated her resume.

    1. I don't know who I am*

      I hope she did, her entire life went to hell in a very short space of time. I really hope she’s in a better place now.

  30. Donna*

    1) the one where the aunt COO (?) forced the secretary to watch the niece’s kids. Was the aunt ever fired???
    2) the one where the employer wanted to make the temp pay for the agency AND the employee’s leave, and when the temp pushed back, wanted to rescind the offer
    3) the one where the girl had to manage her own manager’s workload https://www.askamanager.org/2016/08/im-in-charge-of-assigning-work-to-my-manager-but-he-wont-do-it.html
    4) https://www.askamanager.org/2019/10/my-employee-locked-me-out-of-a-work-document-in-a-fit-of-pettiness.html
    5) https://www.askamanager.org/2019/08/my-new-employee-ran-a-background-check-on-me-and-asked-me-about-what-he-found.html
    6) https://www.askamanager.org/2018/06/when-i-asked-for-a-raise-my-boss-said-i-was-ungrateful-and-threw-a-tantrum.html

    1. a good mouse*

      Definitely #2! I’ve been telling all sorts of people about that letter, it floored me. (Sadly I’m sure it’s not that uncommon!)

      1. Talvi*

        That’s the one I couldn’t remember! I knew there was a recent one that I wanted an update on, but couldn’t remember what it was.

  31. Purple Rain*

    I would like to see an update on the co-worker who fell asleep at work after putting in lots of hours and then had to work a week without pay and then I believe lost his job. I think this is the same person whose family told him he was no longer welcome to come home for the holiday dinner because he “didn’t reflect well on them” or something similar. That one broke my heart and I truly hope he is doing okay.

    1. froodle*

      Oh gosh, is that the person who referred to themselves as “snoozing loser” when posting? That post *haunts* me, I hope they’re okay and that the people in their life now are clear that what happened did NOT make them a “loser”.

  32. The Cleaner*

    I know I was hoping for this last year, maybe there will be an update this year, but the person who came to the conclusion that their coworker’s deceased husband was in fact alive based on some Facebook browsing. Did the guy ever turn up alive? (Or dead?) Did someone confront the coworker and demand proof of the husband’s demise?

    1. EvilQueenRegina*

      Yes! I was rereading that one the other day! As far as I remember we never got an update.

  33. EvilQueenRegina*

    I still often wonder about that company where an employee died and her old team kept driving off anyone who was hired to replace her, and someone was going to resign rather than be redeployed into that role, and it took 3 resignations before HR admitted it to grandboss.

  34. tomorrow was the hardest place I'd ever try to go*

    A very old one and I feel like there was one update, but I don’t know if there was a later one. The writer was a new director of a small museum and one of the volunteers was storing part of the collection in his house, and she wanted to fire him because he’s horrible, but she didn’t have the support of anyone, and plus, part of the collection is being stored in his house.

  35. Silicon Valley Girl*

    I enjoy reading any & all updates, & I’m glad Allison can use them to take a break during December! Everybody wins :)

  36. Bostonian*

    I’d like to hear from the person who was doing the job of 3 people while dealing with a software update and was unable to keep up with work.

    Was setting the toilet paper on fire this year?

  37. two cents*

    Did we ever get an update from the woman whose colleagues try to run her over on the regular? I think it’s the same one where they also try to mow her down in hallways as well.

    Also I’d love an update on the office where the chain smoker from another office parks on the street so her alarm goes off every 5 minutes.

    I believe both of these letters are from this year.

    1. Hedgehug*

      the car alarm one gave an update where her new neighbour who moved in across the hall was the son of the police chief (or something), and she mentioned it in conversation to him, so he told his dad, and dad took care of it. it was as glorious as we all hope for with these updates, haha

      the woman being bullied was commenting in the thread, but yes I second you, I would like an update with her as well to see she is ok, her situation was super scary

    2. Mama Bear*

      I’d like an update on that one, too. And the one where someone stands so close to the person that the OP can’t move/get away from the harasser.

      1. Normally a Lurker*

        Oh! What was the one about the guy who was so creepy that women stopped going to presentations because of him? And the the OP went to one and he sat right next to her *in* her space and moved when she moved?

        (… wait, was that AMA or CA?)

  38. Liane*

    I keep hoping for an update to the manager whose reports were frightened by a third report who was threatening to curse them with black magic.

    1. This one here*

      My adult child was “cursed” last week by a woman they broke up with. I wonder if she also curses employers and coworkers.

  39. Goldfinch*

    I’d love to hear from the woman who lost her horse due to her manager neglecting to give her the phone messages. I know there was an update where things were made as right as they could have been, but in general I’d like to know if she’s in a good place in life. She seemed sweet and I think about her often.

    1. Toads, Beetles, Bats*

      I think about this one all the time. She seemed to have a compassionate grand-boss, but I wonder if she could ever feel good about that workplace again.

  40. HappySnoopy*

    I’ve often thought about the person who was transitioning and trying to figure out what to wear to job interview. Wondered what they decided to do, and more importantly if they got the job!

  41. No Longer Anonymous*

    I love the bad boss letters, so
    1) Liver donation boss, obviously (previously mentioned)
    2) The boss who instructed his employee to leave work items on another employee’s recently deceased relative’s grave
    3) The boss who had an employee pick them up at the airport in the middle of the night then reprimanded them over how they were dressed.

    And, of course, the letter about the employee who placed a curse on a co-worker that prompted the famous AAM quote about black magic.

    1. Rabbit*

      There was an update on the 3rd one! It turned out the boss was trying to cover up his own dodgy expenses and as soon as the LW complained it pretty much all came out

      1. I don't know who I am*

        I’d actually love an update to this update. I felt so bad for the OP and really hope they’re in a good place now.

  42. Polaris*

    A kind of long list of posts from this year I’d love updates for. If any of these have updates that I missed, please link me!

    I would love to know if OP #1 here has any other updates after this reply: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/01/our-interns-have-to-buy-food-for-everyone-hr-wants-to-us-to-give-ourselves-the-gift-of-health-and-more.html#comment-2321567

    I want to know if OP #1 here got Alice to back off on the blood drive hounding: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/01/my-coworker-is-a-blood-drive-bully-non-monetary-perks-and-more.html

    If this company got in trouble for this screamingly illegal policy: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/01/my-office-is-requiring-us-to-disclose-all-medications-we-take.html

    Flaming poop dude: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/02/my-coworker-is-setting-toilet-paper-on-fire-in-the-bathroom.html

    Mandatory perfect makeup: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/02/employer-requires-women-to-wear-perfect-makeup-and-writes-them-up-if-its-smudged.html

    The menstrual cup evangelist: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/03/our-new-manager-is-pressuring-the-women-on-our-team-to-use-menstrual-cups.html

    This awful boss: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/03/my-boss-told-my-office-im-lying-about-my-health-condition.html

    This debacle: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/05/my-coworker-wants-the-company-to-pay-for-a-trip-with-his-fired-girlfriend.html

    The sexist golf trip, although I don’t have a lot of hope for OP: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/05/our-traditionally-male-company-has-an-annual-golf-trip-but-our-new-female-employees-dont-play.html

    If OP #1 ever found relief: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/05/my-office-is-obsessed-with-my-professional-athlete-fiance-i-dont-have-career-goals-and-more.html

    Boss’s jealous wife: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/06/our-bosss-wife-camps-out-in-our-office-for-hours-at-a-time.html

    The lip sync battle travesty: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/06/mandatory-lip-sync-battle-employee-cant-touch-type-and-more.html

    The pathological liar: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/06/our-hr-director-might-be-a-pathological-liar.html

    The terribly ableist boss here: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/06/my-boss-thinks-our-new-hire-shouldnt-use-a-disabled-parking-pass-employee-flips-from-great-to-terrible-and-more.html

  43. Star*

    This will be my second December here and I can’t wait. I’m an advice column junkie but there are rarely updates anywhere else.

    1. Jules the 3rd*

      They’re starting to follow Alison’s lead, though to be fair, I think Dear Abby does one every decade or so.

  44. Polaris*

    A few more posts I’d love updates for –

    Sexist Steve: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/08/my-coworker-keeps-butting-into-my-conversations-with-higher-ups.html

    Scary abusive husband: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/09/my-bosss-angry-husband-calls-multiple-times-a-day-for-her.html

    These are probably too recent for updates but I hope we get some follow-up:

  45. Slothy Coffee*

    I always like hearing from the OP who wrote in about the office supplies, with the sloth pencil case: she seems really sweet and makes me smile.

  46. Combinatorialist*

    I think everyone wants an update from the employee with the boss who didn’t believe in leap year birthdays. Maybe we will get a Christmas miracle in she will stumble across the post and write in for us

    1. Nervous Nellie*

      I sure do!!! I And we can all salute her on the last Friday open thread in February, because, as her boss would tell us, she actually GETS a birthday in 2020. Eeeesh! Not believing in leap year birthdays is like not believing in air. I hope she writes in with some happy news.

    2. Frank Doyle*

      Wasn’t that letter actually from the admin who was enforcing that rule, not the employee who had the leap birthday? And I believe there was one update to it, and she doubled down on thinking the company was right, and the employee was being unreasonable.

        1. The night begins to shine*

          It would be great if she updated that Alison forced her to see the light and gave that poor employee the days off she was owed.

    3. Leslie Yep*

      I was just scanning the comments to see if someone had mentioned Leap Year boss yet. I think about that boss all the time and wonder how it turned out.

  47. 1234*

    Should I hire a temp who’s unhappy with the salary? Did OP end up hiring Arya? Or, did OP find someone to do the job for less than the going rate? I’m so curious to see if a temp was hired and if he/she lasted.

    1. HappySnoopy*

      They’ve been updating in the friday threads. Got a “normal” property mgmt job when hellmouth was bought out (and after crazy manager fired), but just put in notice for that because job with state they had applied for eons ago came through–soon out of property mgmt.

      1. I don't know who I am*

        What’s the name on the open thread – I’d love to catch up with the story. The Hellmouth sounded insane

    2. Alldogsarepuppies*

      yes! Her weekly posts were amazing but i would love a new summary of what’s happened since she got new job and what’s happening at the hell mouth now.

      1. Kay Webble*

        I have literally been waiting months to say that.

        Sex romp was this one: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/05/my-coworker-wants-the-company-to-pay-for-a-trip-with-his-fired-girlfriend.html (a VP tried to expense a weeklong sex romp with his girlfriend, who had recently been fired for the company. The expenses were $1800 over budget, and as I recall, they annihilated the hotel room they were in).

        Poo BBQ still makes me laugh whenever I read it: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/02/my-coworker-is-setting-toilet-paper-on-fire-in-the-bathroom.html (Some guy takes the principle of lighting a match to get rid of the smell of Number 2 too far and just lights toilet paper on fire when he leaves the bathroom – meaning that whenever he does his business, it smells like a poo BBQ and he’s followed by a trail of burnt toilet paper as he exits).

      2. President Porpoise*

        Yeah, without context, this is a super weird thing to read. :)

        I figured it out eventually though. Two different stories (thankfully!!).

  48. Reality Check*

    I want to hear an update about the coworker who was pregnant with the boss’s child. Nov 2017, I think.

  49. Bostonian*

    The person who was doing the job of 3 people while also dealing with a software upgrade who was falling behind on filling requests for coworkers.

  50. Kau*

    For me it would be the worker who quit on the spot because they had worked with their newly hired incoming boss and it was so awful they never wanted to do it again. I want to know if the incoming manager really was a nightmare or if the problem had just been that worker.

  51. Talvi*

    From 2017 (I think), the one where Jane framed her coworker for fraud so she could use the ensuing investigation to escape an abusive situation. I remember feeling so bad for both the woman who was framed and the one who did the framing.

    Link to follow later, as I’m on mobile.

  52. Beachlover*

    The one where the OP was frustrated when her company interviewed then rejected her husband -May 4, 2015

    The OP who was annoyed when she was rejected by her former company via form letter despite being qualified- May 2, 2017

    The OP who accidentally send his boss to The wrong Naples
    The OP who was invited to an interview but never heard back about a date or time
    I wander if the OP made up with her best friend after she ended up with the job they both wanted

  53. Garibaldi*

    Also would love an update from the person whose employee got her colleagues arrested for smoking pot, posted 4/12/17.

    1. Observer*

      I don’t think that we’re going to get an update on that one. People were pretty harsh on the OP and also pretty much told them that they were not telling the truth about the situation. They posted in the replies saying that they were not going to respond any further and the they were not coming back.

  54. Daphne Moon*

    I always go back and read the post, update and comments for the LW whose bosses made her cancel her vacations/never let her take any time off because “Alex” was always out. She updated last year about (rightfully) ghosting the job but I’m dying to know if her old bosses ever got their comeuppance.

  55. Delta Delta*

    I forget – was there an update from the person who worked for her stepmother and how her father wanted them all to go to family therapy together? It might have been 2017 or 2018.

    1. LGC*

      To be fair, I think LW worked for her father’s girlfriend – they weren’t married, so I guess technically not stepmother – and she wanted her to go to couples therapy all together.

      I think there actually might have been an update, but I can’t remember. I do know that Jill (the girlfriend) won Worst Boss Of 2018, though.

  56. The night begins to shine*

    The one from a couple of weeks ago about the CEO who Mike Pence’s his female co-workers.

    The letter writer who’s boss was making her drive boss’s daughter to medical appointments.

    The office where the boss’s wife camped out in the office all the time.

    And two that I (think?) are from previous years: the woman who’s husband resigned for her and the boss who demanded that all of his employees get screened to see if they could be an organ donor for his relative. Pleeeassee say you’ve got an update for that one!!

  57. Cookienay*

    Updates I would like to see:
    1- OP’s boss stole a family heirloom and gifted it to someone else.
    2- Chemotherapy boss
    3- LW whose co-worker try to run her over and knock her down in the hallway
    4- Bird phobia guy who knocked his co-worker down and she was seriously injured.

    1. Jules the 3rd*

      #4 had a couple of updates, it ended up as ‘Jane left, phobia guy is still here, we are closing the issue’

  58. Scott*

    Was there ever an update from the fellow who wrote in after discovering that his close relative was the abuser of one of his employees, and was only fairly certain that his employee had figured it out? I remember hoping that there was a positive resolution to that.

    1. Actual Australian*

      Yes there was and it was really lovely. OP contacted a sexual abuse hotline to get professional information about how to approach the issue. He gave her a handwritten note, the day off to process and offered to move her elsewhere if she would be more comfortable with that. It’s one of my favourite updates because OP clearly genuinely cared about his employee.


  59. Lkr209*

    I’d love to hear an update from the OP who was closed to being shoved in the hallways and prevented from crossing the street from their parking lot to building by a group of coworkers. I truly hope some of the suggestions worked for her and the women have backed off.

  60. Just Elle*

    I’d love updates from any one of the numerous “someone is doing terrible things to the work bathrooms how do I handle it / is there any way to make the conversation less awkward?” letters.

    1. Indisch blau*

      This was the question that introduced me to Ask a Manager. I’d also love to hear what happened next.

  61. YellowSubmarineHome*

    There was a manager that posted about an employee quitting on the spot in because they were denied permission to attend their own graduation ceremony. I know the employee didn’t write in, but would it be possible to ask their manager if they keep in touch and how the former employee is doing? I know it’s a long shot!

    1. Indisch blau*

      THIS was the question that introduced me to Ask a Manager. I’d also love to hear what happened next.

  62. Dot Warner*

    1. The person who worked in finance who had a young employee dress up as Princess Tiana and trick-or-treat in a meeting, including some clarification of whether Tiana was even invited to the meeting.

    2. The person whose coworker got sloppy drunk with his frat brothers on a work trip, was hungover while they were doing interviews, and then drove recklessly on the way home.

    3. The coworker that asks 75 questions per day.

    4. The screaming monkey toy.

    5. The person who insisted on writing everything in ALL CAPS.

    6. The incredibly mean coworker with cancer. (I have a suspicion as to how this ended, but it’d still be nice to hear from that letter writer.)

  63. fogharty*

    This is from 2015, but I see it often in the related links:
    <a href=“https://www.askamanager.org/2015/09/my-new-company-wants-me-to-change-my-name.html” target=“new”

    Also…. Duck Club.

  64. Rachel 2: Electric Boogaloo*

    I’d also like to see an update from the person who, after getting a company-wide memo about cutting costs, went way overboard- stopped submitting reimbursement requests for overtime and travel, walked for miles carrying heavy equipment instead of taking the bus, refused to eat company-provided food on late days, asked the company to stop making matching contributions to their 401k – and resented that none of their coworkers were doing these things too.

  65. Agent Diane*

    I’m in a WhatsApp group for sharing things like AAM posts that make our jaws drop. So this year I have links!

    The boss who says his wife won’t let him have private meetings with the HR person

    Ordering more food for the mens:

    You there, make me coffee!

    Swipe right – did he get the job? Or a date?

    1. 1234*

      I feel like for “Swipe right,” the OP posted in the comments he didn’t get the job but ended up hooking up with the interviewer?

  66. SageMercurius*

    I may have said this last time, but reading through this list is putting me in mind of these being Friends episodes that never were.

    The One where I quit to go to my Graduation
    The One with the Bathroom (too vague perhaps?)

    At any rate, it’s always good to see updates, so I shall be reading with interest ^_^

    1. Jules the 3rd*

      way too vague – there’s:
      1) Men using the ‘women’s’ room and leaving it a mess (versions 1, 2 or 3)
      2) The employee comes into the house at 5am to use the bathroom
      3) They’re changing the women’s room next to me to a men’s room, which will make it a lot harder for me to cope with my disability

      and I bet a couple more…

  67. Blue Eagle*

    Ha! After reading one of the comments asking about someone who posted in a Friday open column, it occurs to me that I’d like an update from the fellow whose employer was going to do a drug test on him later that day. And the choice was to either quit, refuse to take the drug test and be fired for taking the drug test or take the drug test, have it come back positive and be fired.

    It was a number of years ago – and the very first day I started reading Alison’s column, and I always wondered what happened to that guy. He had a running commentary throughout the day asking about his options and giving updates but never heard from him after he said he decided to quit.

  68. CindyC*

    The one where OP discovered something illegal and told the boss who just smiled and said “oh, don’t worry about it” and everyone here was sure OP was being set up to take the blame!
    (I am sorry it is so vague, I hope people recognize the description anyway)

    1. LongTimeLurker*

      Someone please post the link to this one when you find it. I have tried searching and have had no luck.
      CindyC — can you tell us what year it was posted so at least that helps narrow down the search?

  69. Sick of Workplace Bullshit*

    I’d love to hear from the two OPs who had to deal with the Law of Attraction and other woo at their new jobs.

  70. Fabulous*

    I don’t know how, but I totally missed reading the Poop BBQ letter in February. That’s gross! I hope someone framed and posted the science behind matches in the bathroom next to the toilet for some light reading while on the can…

  71. Toads, Beetles, Bats*

    Remember the wild Open Thread discussion a year or so ago where LW was travelling internationally for work with a junior colleague, was made to purchase a second airline seat on the spot because of weight restrictions, so basically took the colleague’s seat and left him behind? Then didn’t tell anyone about it for several days and was freaked when the [stuff] hit the fan (because the dude was still stuck abroad!!)? I want to hear an update to that one. I think of it all. the. time. LW seemed so overwhelmed by the situation and I’d like to hear that he/she ultimately came out okay.

  72. Kiwiii*

    This is an almost impossible ask, but i think constantly about the LW’s coworker who would drastically change her appearance midday and then, when asked to stop doing that on days when it might confuse clients, quit in a dramatic fashion. Would love to know if the LW had ever heard from her again.

  73. Blue*

    Ooh I’m so glad it’s update season! There are so many OPs I want to hear from!







    And some older letters:

  74. AY*

    I’d love to hear back from the employee who hooked up with a guy and ran into her supervisor the next morning after he’d hooked up with the guy’s roommate! Did they ever speak of it again?

  75. New Manager, Who dis?*

    I reaaaaaallllllly want an update to the cancer survivor who received a complaint about how her post-surgery chest looks.

  76. 1234*

    I thought of another one, the one where the ~20 “finalists” for a job had to throw the higher ups a dinner party to see who would get the job. What ended up happening that night/to that company?

  77. Anon for this*

    I love updates!!! Hope to catch up with some of these older ones as well…



    1. Do I have to recommend a student for an internship that goes against my beliefs?

    I have a crush on my employee

    1. My boss drunk-dialed my husband

    The wife who was getting fired from a team her husband was just hired into!

    Hope this girl is doing better now:

    1. Asking for six unpaid weeks off a year


    1. My new job said I wouldn’t have to move — but my boss keeps bringing it up


    (An old one but I still wonder-are Anna and Alex still together?? What happened in the long-term??)
    my employee is having an affair with a married coworker

    I keep bombing phone conversations

    (An old one but I still wonder)
    I reported my sexist team to HR — and now they’re doing a much bigger investigation than I wanted

    1. This interview invitation feels creepy

    (Another old one that I wonder about)
    1. My friend doesn’t approve of my work and is about to become my new boss

  78. Kyrius*

    I would like an update on the woman whose job required her to work with a coworker who just happened to be male. This wasn’t a problem for the letter writer except the male employee’s boss had a problem with men and women working together and suggested they might be having an affair. And then after that happened the male employee randoming started bring up that he had a girlfriend/wife, I can’t remember which, in a condescending way like the letter writer didn’t understand how professional relationships worked. And then I think the male coworker stopped being available to work with her even though it was her job to work with him. I would really like to hear an update on this bullcrap. Even if sexism won out in the end, which would infuriate me, I still want to know how it turned out. I really feel for this letter writer.

  79. Former Teacher*

    I would really like to know how the very cheerful new co-worker who treated everyone like toddlers worked out…

  80. slavetothefaxmachine*

    I know it’s fairly recent, but the one where the boss’s kid was using the office bathroom with the door open

  81. CastIrony*

    I’d like an update from the freelancer woman who had so much work that Alison wanted to wrap them up in a blanket and give them tea all day.

  82. Random Concerned Citizen*

    My requests:

  83. alldogsarepuppies*

    my employer fined me $90 for being late – this one was a related link from earlier today and I really want that update

  84. YouwantmetodoWHAT?!*

    Oh my gosh – I’ve been keeping a LIST!














    1. CM*

      She did update in the original post (commenting as “WifeAVP”) and said her start date would be delayed while the existing management dealt with the ex-wife, but I’d love to hear what happened.

  85. Someone101*

    Ooh I would love an update from dec 18, the woman who was just starting at a new company and had to fire her husbands ex wife.

    Or the letter about an OP who thought a board member had kept money raised for a collection.

  86. Drew*

    One of the recent “You may also enjoy” links was the intern who told a horribly offensive joke and the LW wasn’t sure how much damage control was necessary beyond what they did in the moment. I would love to hear back to see if their professional reputation was affected and, if so, how they’ve worked to recover.

Comments are closed.