Ask a Manager

Here are three updates from people who had their letters answered here in the past.

1. What to say when a “vacation” isn’t a vacation (#4 at the link)

Your advice and that of the commenters arrived in time for me to use wording suggestions and to let go of it better when it didn’t need clarification.

I especially appreciated the comments from those in similar situations. I was feeling alone in my grief and the commentators on AAM helped me more than any grief forum I’ve tried.

And some good news: for the first time ever, I had feel better after a trip to the house instead of worse. The folks helping set up space to work and a to-do list since they wouldn’t be there in person. While it was still a hard trip, I did actually disconnect from work and come back in a better place mentally.

Thank you!

2. I was demoted after my maternity leave (#2 at the link)

I have an update, albeit 6+ years later.

The root of the problem was how management handled everything. The boss that promised the new role was let go a few weeks into my leave. Grandboss was minimally involved from afar and left the day to day to Mario, the only manager left on-site. That would have been fine except Jane, my replacement, was difficult to work with. It was clear she thought she was above everyone, knew how to do everything, and should have been named interim manager. While I was out, she implemented processes that directly went against the customer’s policies and tasked unqualified people with duties that directly affected financial reporting. We consistently butted heads. Mario typically sided with me but his management style was avoidance so it just created more problems.

About 6 weeks after I returned, an interim manager was brought in. He was great to work with and quickly declared me “senior management” (along with Mario) although without an actual job title. I got a small pay increase and was moved to a customer facing role that essentially oversaw Jane and her team. Obviously, that didn’t go over well. She tried hard to sabotage me and female supervisor, starting rumors that I was badmouthing our employees to the customer and the supervisor only had her job because Mario thinks she’s pretty. It was all quite ridiculous, particularly coming from a 40-something year old woman. She ended up giving her notice and the interim manager ended her employment a few days later. A new (terrible) manager was hired, then quickly fired, and Mario eventually got the job.

I went on for 4 years without an actual job title, just doing whatever needed to be done. I was de facto in charge of a department but without any actual responsibility for a team of employees. It was fine for a while but once I started being held responsible for things that were out of my control, I pushed for a promotion into an actual management position with a job title. I got the title and the responsibility but the promised raise never came. I kept asking and eventually Mario told me to stop asking because it wasn’t going to happen.

Hearing that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I aggressively started my job search and a few months later, accepted a position with a lower title but a higher salary at a large global company. I’ve been there for a year now. The job is easy, less stressful, and opens up a lot of opportunities for promotion and potential relocation. The new company is flexible so I’m able to WFH and spend my mornings distance learning with my first grader. (Shout out to all the teachers – you are amazing and wonderful. Thank you for everything you do and everything you’re doing now in this new normal we’re living in.)

It all worked out but it was a long road to get here.

3. Applying for jobs from another country (#5 at the link)

About 2 years ago, I sent in a very minor question asking about protocol when calling in to a Skype interview from abroad. Using that answer, and the other advice from your site, I got the job I was interviewing for! It was a huge relief to come back to gainful employment after 3 years teaching English in Asia. I took that gig even though I was being hideously underpaid and overtaxed (independent contractor-hood suuuuuucks), but it put me in a great position to network since the organization has a vast array of departments, clients and alumni.

I was able to leverage that network to move into another, much better job after only a year and a half! And using your tips again, I was able to negotiate the initial salary from 39,000 to 46,000!! As in turns out, the language skills I had polished in Asia turned out to be worth an extra 7k! As someone with a perennial self-esteem complex and a deep hatred of studying, that was the biggest moment of joy and accomplishment I’ve ever experienced in my professional life.

I don’t think it’s an understatement to say that Ask A Manager has had a critical role in my professional development so far. The sector I’m in now is notoriously specialized and difficult to break into, but I was able to do it thanks to the helpful advice from you and the community! I hope I can contribute to someone else’s growth in the way you all have to mine. :)