where are you now? (a call for updates)

It’s mid-year updates season!

If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now? (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.)

Your update doesn’t have to be positive or big to be worth submitting. We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting.

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

{ 351 comments… read them below }

  1. Temperance*

    I would love to hear an update from the person whose boss wanted to force her to donate her liver.

      1. Cthulhu's Librarian*

        Highly dependent on when you started reading the website – It’s actually a pretty old letter (late 2015/early 2016, I think) that never had an update after it was sent in. It was so memorable that people still ask for it every update season, though.

        So, unless you’re a deep archive binger, or were here when it came out, it’s pretty easy to miss it. Just search for “donate my liver” on the site though, and it should be in your results.

    1. NotJane*

      Also in the “probably too soon” category: The Negative Glassdoor Review, The Whistleblower, and The Conference Room Flatulater.

      (Why do I feel like I’m listing episodes of Seinfeld?)

      1. NotRealAnonForThis*

        This week has been a bit, hasn’t it? (Its not coincidence that I’ve reminded procurement that they’ve yet to procure the heavy bag that my department has requested….)

    2. AngelicGamer, the Visually Impared Peep*

      I came here to ask for this and also had the same thought of it being too soon. :)

  2. The Happy Graduate*

    Sorry for asking a question: if we already sent you an update but it hasn’t been published, should we resend it to make it easier for you or leave it as is?

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      I should still have it (I have a small backlog) but feel free to resend it to be sure if you’d like! (Please note that it’s a resend so I don’t miss that and accidentally print it twice, as I think once happened!)

      1. Software Engineer*

        It’s not a second printing, it’s just a rerun! You can just claim that your column has entered syndication.

  3. Stackson*

    I’d love to see an update from the person whose coworker asks her to google things and treats her like her assistant!

  4. Escaped a Work Cult*

    It might be too early but the testing whistleblower is my main hope. I would also love to hear from the farting boardroom because that was a much needed giggle.

      1. Sleeping Late Every Day*

        Whistleblowers and tooters, sounds like a fun impromptu bar orchestra!

    1. Jules the 3rd*

      Yes. That was so awful. I hope that LW left and then called the other CEO to ask for their heirloom back.

    2. Canadian Valkyrie*

      I feel like sometimes this website reminds of how truly awful people can be. But it also gives me hope for a collective “we can handle it/fix it/quit” vibe.

      1. Leslie Hell Knope*

        Yes, I also need to know what happened there. If the heirloom is not back with LW, can we round up a crew for a stealth recovery mission? I volunteer.

  5. Kimmy Schmidt*

    I’d like an update from the letter on February 10, 2021 about rehiring an employee with a bad attitude. I want to know if they ended up rehiring this person!

  6. awesome3*

    Recency bias, but I’d like to hear from the winery with the creepy customer from yesterday, and the overwhelmed veterinarian.

    I am having the best time with the “update here” feature. Thank you and the AAM reader for adding that.

    If you’re reading this and wrote in years ago, still please share your update! We’d love to read it no matter what

    1. Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii*

      Thanks for mentioning Recency Bias, i have been racking my brain for that term for months (even though its so simple, i just could not remember it).

  7. Detective Amy Santiago*

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/05/my-boss-had-a-long-term-affair-with-my-husband-allergies-on-video-calls-and-more.html (LW #1)

    And my personal white whale: https://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/jane-has-lost-her-mind.html

    1. EPLawyer*

      The cult one reminded me of well, several, where people had to talk about their feelings at work. I would love an update from all those but especially:
      1. the one whose boss made them do group therapy in team meetings, yes there was an update, but I’d like to know how it is going.
      2. the one whose boss wanted her to to therapy with her and boss was dating dad. Again, an update but since that whole situation was bonkers I would love an update. I hope the LW is doing well.
      3. We had to place stickers show our feelings for the day.

      Also the one, and this goes back a bit, from the person whose mom controlled the finances and was way too involved in her job.

      1. cheesy poofs*

        The sticker one just blew my mind. If someone at my workplace tried that, we would all ignore it. And they wouldn’t try crap like that anyway, because all our managers are reasonable people who don’t have time for games. And they treat us like adults.

        I used to think most letters on this site were just made up by people looking for attention or something, but I have come to accept that some workplaces are just crazy. There really are that many idiots out there.

        Makes me sad

      1. Detective Amy Santiago*

        I’ve been asking for that one for years and I know it’s unlikely, but damn it, I need to know!

      2. LifeBeforeCorona*

        I never thought it would be necessary to tell adults that they can’t post nudes of themselves taken in the workplace on social media.

    2. LP*

      Thank you for making it easy for me to catch up on some real winners I seem to have missed!

  8. Clorinda*

    Are we having summertime updates? It’s Christmas in June! (Or July, whenever.) I have no requests except this to any commenters whose question was in a column: we need your updates!

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Yes! People seemed to like the special mid-year updates season last year (when I was on a “we need to distract ourselves from the world” kick) and I get so many when we do it in December that I figured there’s plenty and I could experiment with making it a regular thing. Also it would let me take a week off!

      1. Pam Adams*

        Extra week of updates- wonderful!
        Allowing Alison to take a week off- Priceless!

        1. Bostonian*

          I agree. All the updates at the end of the year get overwhelming. That may be because I always also re-read the initial letter in order to to a) remember what happened and b) re-feel all the feels so that the outcome with the update is even more satisfying/disappointing.

          It will be good to have them spread out over 2 periods!

      2. Slinky*

        Yay! It was a lot of fun last year. The world is (thankfully!) better now, but updates are always welcome.

  9. tanklizard*

    I’d love to see what happened with these two lunatics:
    My coworkers have a crush on my boss … and are taking it out on me

    It would be great if HR gave them a response like this:
    “You’ve been with XYZ company for many years now but we feel like we’re holding back your career so we’re going to give you the opportunity to be the keeper of VP zippers at another company.”

    1. Cookie Monster*

      Yes! That’s the letter I was coming here to list as wanting an update.

      I’d also love to know what happened with the manager who’s employee came to them and said “if you hire [this new manager they were about to hire] then I will quit immediately.” I’d love to know if they got more info from the employee about what exactly their problem was with this new person.

      1. DarthVelma*

        Do you have the link to the letter re: quitting immediately? I don’t remember that one and would love to read it.

  10. Teekanne aus Schokolade*

    The one where a boss was forcing coworkers to cater to someone’s OCD to the point of lining people up at the bus stop by gender. I would love to know how that panned out.

      1. Working Hypothesis*

        I have long wanted an update on this one too. I feel really sorry for the employees and not much less sorry for the coworker with OCD, who is not getting the kind of help they actually need.

        1. Yvette*

          I re-read that just now, and I remember wondering at the time if these were accommodations that the employee insisted on or if it was like the situation were co-workers of an individual with fragrance allergies were required to submit to a hug-and-sniff test as well as being provided with a list of “acceptable” products (laundry detergent, shampoo etc.). There was an update and it turns out the not only had the co-worker in question not even asked for the accommodation(s), they were positively mortified that it had become a situation.
          And because I am not new here:
          Original letter:
          Update (#1) at the link:

    1. Canadian Valkyrie*

      Oh gosh how is that helping?! I can’t imagine how catering to someone’s OCD in such a manner is helpful. Why would you reinforce it versus providing a relevant approach?

  11. DarthVelma*

    I sometimes wonder “where are they now?” about those interns who did the dress code petition and ended up internet famous in the bad way.

    I also 2nd Skeezix above – I do wonder if they ever went ninja and broke in to retrieve her train. (I cannot tell you now much I enjoyed writing that sentence.) :-)

    1. DEJ*

      I actually realized recently that we are coming up on the five-year anniversary of that letter. Given that the letter writer is presumably in a much different place in their life and career now, I would love to find out if his thinking has changed on this.

      1. SeluciaMD*

        Agreed! If memory serves, another one of those interns also wrote in with a related question so an update from either would be really interesting. :)

  12. A Brew Yet*

    My vote is for the writer from March 22nd, 2021 “Should I tell my boss I hate my job?”
    That writer verbalized a lot of what I have been personally feeling in the last year and I just want to see how they landed. Fingers Crossed!

  13. Just Another Zebra*

    I would love to hear from the person who wrote in asking about writing jobs. They had a rough time in the comments, but I’d love to know if things were working out for them :)

    1. Dark Macadamia*

      I’d love to know if the indie filmmaker ended up responding to the guy who claimed to have an Academy Award or if he continued trying to offer her advice.

  14. Unkempt Flatware*

    I’ve mentioned this a couple of times so feel free to tell me you already tried but I want to hear from that woman who called her boss’s daughter a whore and then sent in a less-than-satisfying update where she showed us that she still has a long way to go as far as growing as a person.

      1. NotRealAnonForThis*

        *eyebrows up*


        This is a frequent sports-related chirp for teenaged girls, not grown professionals!!!! What the hell?!

        1. DarthVelma*


          Hellmouth’s updates on the Friday open thread were amazing. I wouldn’t be surprised if the update is “I have written the great American novel, made a fortune on the movie deal, and have purchased and am living on a small private island”. :-)

        2. Jules the 3rd*

          Yes! Even if it’s ‘All quiet on the western front’, though ‘book / tv deal completed’ would be very satisfying.

        3. Blarg*

          Hellmouth could be an entire day’s worth of posts/updates on her own. Give yourself an extra day off.

          Hope you’re well and no longer be chased by bees, Hellmouth!

        4. I WORKED on a Hellmouth*

          IT IS SO LATE! I still have a half-finished update in my drafts from November… 2019. Whoops! Um. Sorry about that.

          I’ll go ahead and finish that and get it emailed in–and to make up for the extreme lateness I can include bonus fan art that my younger brother did of HellBoss, if you like. It’s… pretty special.

        5. I WORKED on a Hellmouth*

          And also: Awwwwwwww, y’aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall! You’re all the best!

          1. Michele*

            OMG how I have missed your Friday updates but love that you escaped . We need an update ASAP :)

        6. Pomegranate*

          Yes!!!! Hellmouth update please. That was a rollercoaster of a ride, and Friday open thread is not the same!

      2. AngelicGamer, the Visually Impared Peep*

        You need to write in and gives us all an update how you’re doing too. :)

      3. Coffee Bean*

        Hellmouth!! So glad to see your post, and I am looking forward to your update.

    1. NotAnotherManager!*

      OMG, that one… it was a good reminder that those sorts of people still exist because I know zero of them in my day-to-day life. Never thought you’d have to tell someone that calling women (or 15-year-olds one’s never met) “whores” was a terrible idea, but, there you go.

      1. LTL*

        To be fair to the LW, she did take feedback on the word and was open to correcting herself.

        1. I WORK on a Hellmouth*

          She just wasn’t open to correcting her subsequently revealed homophobia.

  15. JillianNicola*

    I’d love to know how the manager who’s employee was emotionally needy (from May 12, 2021) ended up.

  16. Jyn’Leeviyah the Red*

    What I would give to hear from the “ROLLS OF DISRESPECT” person. I’ve been thinking of her and her blood pressure levels.

    1. Mental Lentil*

      Was this the cheap-ass rolls? I’d love an update, as Alison’s answer was so to-the-point. Did this person ever get it?

    2. MissGirl*

      I’d love one too but the ones who are so oblivious that they’re in the wrong never write back.

      1. Jyn’Leeviyah the Red*

        So true — I can’t imagine that person would ever write back in!

        And yes — the “cheap-ass rolls”! Someone in the comments called them “ROLLS OF DISRESPECT” and I still say that to myself when I see rolls on a dinner table and chortle.

      2. LimeRoos*

        True, but ghosted my ex who’s my new boss wrote back, so there is hope. Though I agree, I don’t think cheap ass rolls is writing in again :-(

        1. Detective Amy Santiago*

          Oh man, that is my #1 “want to hear the other side” letter.

          Followed very closely by “not allowed to go to graduation” and “leap day baby”

          1. ampersand*

            Oh, the leap day letter!! That one was maddening! I deal with a lot of contracts at work and leap day comes up more than I would have thought as a thing we have to pay attention to, so at least weekly I think of LW and her awful, awful boss. I want an update!

          2. Random Commenter*

            I also would love to hear from “not allowed to go to graduation,” but, like cheap ass rolls, probably will not.

            There was a follow up to “leap year baby,” and as I recall, the manager was still pretty oblivious.

          3. Rivakonneva*

            “not allowed to go to graduation” is an update I’d love to hear, but mainly from the poor woman treated so badly. I’d love to find out if she got a fantastic job with supportive co-workers at a better pay rate. She deserves it!

      3. Elenna*

        Yeah, unfortunately I suspect they decided we’re all disrespectful people who Just Don’t Understand and they’ve now left the site.

    3. DrRat*

      Truth: I did not realize that I was the one who called them ROLLS OF DISRESPECT until I read through the original post again!

      1. Jyn’Leeviyah the Red*

        A tip of the cap and all credit to you! I laughed OUT LOUD and scared the dog.

  17. Sherm*

    “My boss’s wife just called me to yell at me”
    “My employee is overwhelmingly emotionally needy”

    1. Jack Straw*

      This one made me think of the work trip with “secret activities” planned.

  18. Fergus got to go*

    an old one where I’d love an update- employee won’t stop talking about a coworker’s prosthetic limb

  19. Myrin*

    Ohoho, I get to pull out my list where I note all the letters I would love updates for half a year before I thought I’d be able to!

    – Assistant thinks she‘s my peer.
    – Boss says I don’t respond to emails quickly, but I do
    – Coworker quit but CEO pretends he‘s still there
    – I burned a bridge in a spectacular way — how do I deal with everyone talking about it?
    – After an employee died, her team has driven off anyone we hired to replace her (Note: I REALLY want to see this one!)
    – I offered a job to a candidate — and her dad got on the phone with questions
    – Our new boss doesn‘t know how awful her second-in-command is
    – My employee locked me out of a work document in a fit of pettiness
    – My coworker told everyone we‘re married
    – Can I ask my boss to deny my vacation request so I don‘t have to go home for Christmas?
    – I overheard my boss say that I‘m not going to work out in this job
    – Museum volunteer is out of control (Note: Would be the third updates I think but it’s been a hot minute!)
    – Our terrible intern is our director’s son

    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I am lining up behind the “My coworker told everyone we’re married,” because Jesus WEPT.

      1. SeluciaMD*

        Seconded (or thirded or wherever we are when I post this) and I commend you on your perfect turn of phrase. Jesus wept INDEED.

    2. Yikes!*

      I would love to hear from the OP who wrote I burned a bridge in a spectacular way!

    3. Random Commenter*

      Yes! Would also love to hear from:
      -Coworker quits & boss pretends
      -Team drives off dead coworkers’ replacements
      -Locked out of work doc
      -Museum volunteer (what a wild saga!)
      -Terrible intern is CEO’s son

  20. It’s Just Me Asking About It*

    I’d love to see an update on this on: “My coworker told me to stop flirting with a student employee.”

    I’m not sure if this letter was fake, but it sure was entertaining.

  21. Delta Delta*

    I think often about the letter where a person pushed a coworker into the street. I think there was an update, but I still think about it.

    1. Delta Delta*

      Also, the person who would come back from lunch with entirely different clothing and hair. I wonder what happened to her.

      1. Nea*

        Didn’t the letter say that the chameleon was politely asked to not do that during meetings, after which she promptly went out, drastically changed her appearance to something completely unprofessional, and loudly quit?

      2. Detective Amy Santiago*

        There was an update to that one and it was a doozy!

        Linking in my next reply.

    2. Sparkles McFadden*

      The employee who was pushed quit and her lawyer sent a letter telling the company to stop contacting her, so I don’t think there’s any way we will find out what happened to her. The bird-phobic employee who pushed her is still at his job.

      1. tangerineRose*

        That was terrifying. I kept wanting to know why the bird-phobic guy felt like he had to push her for him to be safe. Was there nowhere to run or hide? I’d have expected someone to duck and cover their face in that situation.

  22. Aphrodite*

    The one I would really give a lot to know about (because it broke my heart; I have such sympathy for the letter writer) was the woman who had a one-night affair with her boss, ended up pregnant, and was harassed so horribly by the wife that she had to testify in the divorce proceedings and later found herself confronted by the wife who came to work at the LW’s company and deliberately chose the LW’s department. Alas, HR and the woman’s boss saw nothing wrong of the forthcoming vengefulness and the LW ended up resigning. Both she and the husband/former boss ended up working, I think, in retail but remained co-parents to their child. The wife went on to win awards and do very well professionally but continued to spew hate and poison toward the letter writer who sounded like a truly decent and kind person. I have never forgotten her and sometimes wonder–and hope!–that things have turned out well for her. I’d really love to hear that she is in a much better place.

      1. Mainly Lurking (UK)*

        If you search for

        I had a fling with my new boss’s then husband

        That should bring it up. There was an update, but I would love another one.

  23. Anon_non_non*

    I’d love an update from the woman who’s boss was her friend’s husband and was having an affair with the “administrative assistant”.

  24. Charley*

    I really want an update from the person whose boss was forcing her to try help the CEO (I think?) jump the vaccination queue!

  25. the cat's ass*

    Def would like to hear from the guy whose boss wanted to have him and two other employees don costumes and do a porno!

  26. Nicole*

    This is entirely wishful thinking. The first story I read here was about the call center employee who quit after 6 years because her boss wouldn’t let her come in 2 hours late due to graduating college, despite letting others take time off for concert tickets. It was actually the manager who wrote in because they wanted to give her advice on how to let the employee know how “unprofessional” she had been instead of realizing how much of an ass he was. I really want to know how the former employee is doing now but there’s no way to ask since she didn’t write in. I hope she’s flourishing!

      1. the cat's ass*

        I’d imagine she went on to amazing things and that the manager is marginally less clueless.

    1. Rachel 2: Electric Boogaloo*

      That one, and another who wasn’t the one who wrote in: the employee who was born on Leap Day and the bosses decided she was only entitled to the birthday perks every four years, when everyone else got them every year.

      1. Nicole*

        Oh yeah, the Leap Day employee! That situation was so ridiculous. I know it doesn’t qualify in the legal sense but I’ve always felt like that was a weird kind of discrimination!

      2. Foreign Octopus*

        I think there was a small update to that one not long after Alison published the first one and it was, if possible, crazier than the first.

      3. NotAnotherManager!*

        Yup, those are the two that made me want to reach through the monitor and slap someone. And the Leap Year LW doubled-down on her crazy-crazy by writing in a second time to tell everyone just how wrong we were.

    2. Foreign Octopus*

      Yes. I think about this one every single time update season comes around. I really, really hope she’s doing well in life.

    3. I take tea*

      I hope she has an awesome job and a good Me-team. And a boss who is impressed instead of being stupid.

  27. Roxie*

    Removing this since I want to save the updates for Update Week — but I am putting what you wrote in the update queue! (And thank you.) – Alison

  28. Mainly Lurking (UK)*

    Something I’ve been thinking about recently, which may work best for the end of the year rather than mid-year, is a post on Best Updates (Update Oscars?). Sadly, we don’t get too many really good ones in a year, so it would have to be across several years.

    A few that I like to go back to re-read occasionally in the Most Satisfying Updates category are:

    Baby mama
    Spicy food thief
    Dead-naming co-worker
    Nut allergy bully (snickers bars on desk) – with further details in the comments section on just how the bully was caught.
    Boss made me pick him up from the airport in the middle of the night

    Updates that bring tears to the eyes (in a good way!)

    Living off cupcakes
    Go get your dog

    I didn’t see THAT coming update:

    Employee drastically changes her appearance in the middle of the day.

    I know it’s greedy to ask for this when Alison does so much work on updates already, though …

    1. Mainly Lurking (UK)*

      And to clarify when I say ‘really good updates’, obviously I’m thrilled whenever a letter writer updates to say that they have resolved their issues by getting a great new job elsewhere, but there’s nothing like the high I get when reading about senior management dealing with an issue decisively.

    2. Yvette*

      I love to re-read Spicy food thief! I said it before, that one was practically a Life Time Movie. It had everything, an evil co-worker, a secret affair, an innocent wronged, and a hero to the rescue.

    3. Elizabeth West*

      Somebody mentioned the spicy food thief in replies on Buzzfeed the other day.

  29. Prawn*

    I’d like one from the person who got a fake reference from their friend for a bad employee because they wanted to get rid of them.

    And the manager who stole the family heirloom.

  30. The Prettiest Curse*

    I wonder about the snobby teams – the one earlier this year where all the team-building activities were super-expensive winter sports and the one a few years back where the manager wrote in because they had allowed their team to bully a new hire who “only” had a bachelor’s degree into leaving. There was an update on the second one (the manager and team were rightly fired), but I always wonder if that experience made the manager more open to seeing that people with fewer academic qualifications than them aren’t worth any less as an employee or as a person.

      1. The Prettiest Curse*

        Thank you for that link! I saw the first update, but not the second. I’m glad the original letter writer got therapy and hope they are still doing well.

        1. Constance Lloyd*

          You’re welcome! Your post sent me on a wild google frenzy. I hadn’t seen update 2 before today, either!

  31. Frank Doyle*

    Oooh, I have a bunch saved!

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/i-reported-my-boss-to-hr-on-my-first-day-an-awol-manager-and-more.html (LW#1)

    1. Bostonian*

      Yes on the the new hire who started another full time job! The comments were all over the place on that one!

  32. Typing All The Time*

    The ones:
    – Involving the office who sent police to do a wellness check on a no-show employee and they found her in bed with someone else.
    – The VP trying to push a not-out-at-work employee to write an essay on how their company can support them, even though the employee doesn’t want to.

  33. NorthOfTheWall*

    The only one I really want to see is the one I doubt we’ll ever get an update for. The one about ‘I want to reach out to my ex employee so she knows how disrespectful she was by quitting when I wouldn’t give her time off for her grad after she did everything for everybody.’ That’s what brought me here.

    1. Mental Lentil*

      Oh, good lord, yes to this! I hope that this person sees themselves in and writes in sometime.

      It would be even better if Alison could interview her.

  34. 3DogNight*

    I would love to see an update from the “My Boss Tapes People’s Mouths Shut” person.

      1. Detective Amy Santiago*

        Oh man I missed that update! Wow. Agreed on wanting to hear again where he’s at now.

      2. JillianNicola*

        Oh my god I remember the original now but didn’t see the update. Yeah I’m gonna need the resolution to that lol.

  35. GigglyPuff*

    I really want another update on the Museum volunteer who had stuff at their house and refused to give it back. The last update talked about the plans they had to get it out and I want to know if it happened and if Steve really was bad mouthing them to lose money from donors.

    Otherwise like every other post from this year has been an immediate, I NEED an update asap.

    1. Kathlynn (Canada)*

      I want an update from the TW whose boss hired an “executive assistant” but it’s probably cover for an affair, since he is mad when anybody wants her to do any actual work

    1. Mental Lentil*

      I had forgotten about this one! I often say that we are our own worst enemy (definitely true in my case) so I wonder how LW is doing now.

    2. Sparkles McFadden*

      Yes, it made me really sad that she was still thinking her former friend was in any way at fault for her situation. I really hope she got a job she likes and a non-cheating boyfriend.

    3. Theory of Eeveelution*

      I think about this one all the time. I’d also love to hear from her after all these years!

  36. Talvi*

    I don’t expect we’ll get a response because I know it’s been requested before, but I still want to know what happened to the employee who got framed for fraud by a coworker who was trying to leave an abusive relationship. I hope she’s doing okay!

  37. Qwerty*

    “my new hire is too attractive for me to manage her” from April 26. I know the OP got reamed in the comments, but I’m hoping its one of those letters that gets written during a late-night panic and everything had resolved itself before the publish date. Maybe an update on how they actually handled it and got over their crush could help others.

    1. Rachel 2: Electric Boogaloo*

      I really want updates on these:

      – Everyone works from home except me – and I’m stuck with all their admin work
      – My boss told me I’m “not a good human” when I asked to be paid for my time
      – My boss called me “disgusting” for not cleaning up my male coworkers’ mess

      Oh! Also the one where the company was planning a required team-building retreat with secret activities in a remote location. (That sounded a lot like WeWork Camp)

      1. Qwerty*

        Really, in just a month? I can’t find any updates searching the site, was the OP in the comments and I missed him?

        1. EventPlannerGal*

          I think you’re both talking about different letters. There was the one from a month or so ago where the manager felt that he found the employee too attractive for him to manage fairly, but there was also one from years ago (I think) where the LW was also female and was jealous of the attractive employee. IIRC that one had a number of updates and unfortunately I think they revealed that the LW had done something quite serious and possibly criminal as a result, resulting in the employee pressing charges. I think they ended up in therapy and AA and were doing better by the end of the updates.

  38. Indisch blau*

    I know there were updates at the time, but I’d like to know what happened long term with the Duck Club. Or did it all quack out?

  39. CatCat*

    I still think about the boss who wouldn’t provide coverage so her top performing employee could take off a partial day to attend her college graduation. The employee often covered for others and the boss would allow people time off if they had bought concert tickets, but for some reason, not THIS. The employee had overcome major adversity in life to get the graduation. So the employee quit so she could attend and the boss wrote in asking how to call out the employee for a lack of professionalism.

    Did the boss learn anything there? I really hope the boss self-reflected on all the feedback there. I would love to know.

    1. Teacher of the Math Variety*

      Oh God, I remember that letter. The boss was awful, even granting leave to a guy to go to a concert, but not an employee wishing to attend her own graduation!

  40. NeonDreams*

    I read one about a manager who was asking about an employee setting boundaries because she could lose her financial aid if she worked over a certain amount? the comment section praised the employee, as did I. I don’t remember when it was, though.

    1. Just Another Zebra*

      Oh, yes! I’d love to hear more from this one (I also praised the employee, fwiw).

    1. Sparkles McFadden*

      Undermining employee about her boss: “I told her she shouldn’t meddle in things that don’t concern her.”

      Yes, I think that would be some update.

  41. Mental Lentil*

    Did we every get an update from the person who became a local legend at a school she taught/interned at after her date starting doing magic at a staff party and a kindly older couple drover her home afterward, but stopped at Taco Bell first (I think?)? I know I’m probably getting some of the details wrong, but that was one heck of a rabbit hole to go down.

    1. Zephy*

      I think Mr. Magic Date was the intern/employee, not LW – if I’m remembering correctly he asked her to be his date to the Christmas party. I do still think about both of those people sometimes, though. I hope LW is flourishing and that Mr. Magic Date has developed a modicum of self-awareness.

    2. Frank Doyle*

      It was an entertaining story, but it wasn’t a question, just an “embarrassing holiday party story” submission, so I don’t think it really needs an update? Like, that’s what happened. I think it was the dude’s company, not hers, so no ongoing drama to be had. (She was told the story by someone who worked at the dude’s company/school, which was the punchline to the whole thing and how she knows she’s a legend.)

  42. XF1013*

    Alison often advises people to push back as a group when they want to convince management to change policy, since there is power and safety in numbers. Have we heard updates from people who tried it? All that I can recall are people who skipped that advice in favor of sending anonymous messages or finding new jobs or some other solution. I’d really like to hear from anyone who went this route, successfully or not.

  43. Rachel*

    I would love an update on the team who were driving out any replacements for their colleague who had died.

  44. Istanzia*

    The poor woman who was ostracized in her office for having a masectomy due to cancer. I keep hoping to hear that she sued her employer and won a bunch of money…

  45. Goose*

    Not an update, but as we approach the summer, I’d love another interns from hell collection!

  46. Rachel 2: Electric Boogaloo*

    Oh, almost forgot the one where the boss went through the OP’s bills when the OP asked for a raise.

  47. AnotherSarah*

    I’d love updates from folks for whom WFH fixed a problem—like lunchtime weirdness. If you’re back in the office, did the problems return?

  48. Anon-mama*

    No time to get a link, but the one where a manager broke policy to leave a rear door open to come into work (against policy) and was the likely source of the covid that hospitalized the LW and sickened their niece and babysitter. And work was all “oh well” about it. I still think about it and hope the LW has fully and permanently recovered.

  49. Day early pay*

    Commenting to commit myself to sending in my (not thrilling) update!
    Sincerely, the person getting paid a day early who thought it was something to be worried about

  50. Lizzo*

    I would LOVE an update on the flying sandwich that Frosty Boss mistook for a booty pat.

    1. Jyn’Leeviyah the Red*

      Oh, yes. Frosty Boss and the Butt Pat via Flying Sandwich! Yes please!!!

  51. Not Australian*

    Still keen to get an update from the very compassionate boss who ended up managing someone who had been horribly harmed by a relative of his; that’s still a story (and a boss) I think back to often.

    The other ones I’m keen to hear from are the person whose boss was dating her father and they wanted her to go to couples counselling with them (? IIRC) and the recent one where the boss insisted on calling the OP’s father even though he wasn’t listed as their next of kin.

    I’m sensing a theme here; basically, any story where family and the workplace became entangled really…

      1. Not Australian*

        Thanks for those, Pikachu, I’d somehow managed to miss them. (Darn it, there are so many great posts on this site it’s impossible to catch them all!)

  52. Teacher of the Math Variety*

    I want to hear from the writer whose coworker “Elsa” just couldn’t….Let it Go…and assumed the LW was being abused.

    1. Mephyle*

      Good one. I remember commenting on that one at the time. I looked back at my comment and saw that I had said, “This is a situation that is changing day by day. Maybe if the spread continues, we will look back at this discussion next week and think how naive we were to think that it could be controlled by voluntary measures.”

  53. Seven If You Count Bad John*

    I want an update from the executive assistant who was Not The Keeper Of Her Boss’ Zipper.

  54. Bethaknee*

    The employee who’s boss showed up during her chemo treatments (hope the employee is doing well). Also, the leap year manager.

  55. mystiknitter*

    I’ve been haunted by the letter writer who wasn’t able to take any more leave than her two week vacation after having a baby; she’s been in my prayers for sure. I sincerely hope that she and the baby are doing well, and have wished for an update.

  56. Cheesehead*

    I want to hear an update about “Manager Photographed Accidental Exposure”, where there was a wardrobe malfunction and the woman’s blouse had slipped open, but instead of discreetly alerting the woman, her manager took a photo of it, made copies, distributed the copies at a manager’s meeting, and then called the woman into the meeting to chastise her. I really hope that the agency got some bad press or that the woman reported the manager to the corporate offices of the insurance agency, because what the manager did was wrong on so many levels and she deserves some consequences.

  57. Dorothy Marlow-Bost*

    Still hope for update on the team that drove off 3 replacements after team mate died, please!!!!

  58. eons*

    I’d love an update from the insulted dinner rolls LW: https://www.askamanager.org/2019/11/coworkers-say-we-shouldnt-attend-a-work-party-i-feel-insulted-by-my-new-job-and-more.html (#2).

    The irrational level of rage & hostility reminded me of myself years ago. It turned out that undiagnosed ADHD was a massive contributor to (if not the cause of) my instant, irrational rage. I wonder if LW ever figured out how irrational they were being; if there was an underlying cause of that level of rage; and if things got better at work, or if Alison’s prediction came true.

  59. Camellia*

    I would love an update from commenter “Jaime/Jamie” (not sure of spelling but used a Hello Kitty icon). She was an active commenter for many years and then tapered off. I think of her often and hope she is doing well.

    1. GigglyPuff*

      I always wonder what happened to Katie the Fed, they were such a heavy commenter with great advice then seemed to disappear. Then there was a commenter with a similar name and I couldn’t tell if they were the same and they just changed it.

      1. Frank Doyle*

        I miss Wakeen’s Teapots Ltd as well (or something along those lines) – the one with a silver teapot as her icon.

      2. Frank Doyle*

        I also miss Mike C, he was SUPER pro-employee. I didn’t always agree with him, but he usually had interesting/thoughtful takes.

  60. AY*

    I’d love an update on any vacation-request questions! There have been a few letters where the OP’s boss/coworkers request vacation time around the holidays a year or more in advance, leaving the OPs without any chance for holiday-adjacent vacations.

    The employee who took a Zoom/video call while driving and didn’t pull over.

    And, of course, Leap Day Boss!

  61. Ahhh*

    I’d love to hear from (too many to list)

    -the OP who had an entry level employee work their way up in the department and the employee is now being asked to hire staff who left abruptly when they won the lottery.

    -the coworker is trying to get me transfered so his girlfriend can move into my department

    -an oldie but the employee who had been promised a raise and promotion for 3 years and kept getting pushed off. I think their was an update, but I’d still love another especially if they have heard from their former employer

    -I feel insulted by my raise and I let my boss know

    -dad dating the boss and now wants family therapy

    -the interns who wrote the letter hoping to change the dress code

    -another oldie I’d love an additional update on – When Satan’s intern came to stay

    -I burned a bridge in a spectacular way

    -the employee who was framed for fraud by someone in an abusive relationship

    -the OP who charged $20k in personal expenses to the company credit card – how’s it been since the update

    -my last oldie I promise – my assistant led us to believe whe had a key certification that she doesn’t have – I know there was an update but I’m wondering where are you now years later

    there’s too many more to list!……

  62. Strong Independent Acid Snake*

    The person who worked in a Library and had a coworker refusing to use another coworkers preferred Pro Nouns/being a jerk to them

    I felt so sorry for Alex and hope they are doing well.

      1. Strong Independent Acid Snake*

        If I recall correctly there was a different letter about a coworker mis-gendering/dead naming a colleague and that one had an update.

  63. Jack Straw*

    – breast milk in the work fridge

    -accidentally throwing a sandwich and creating a crisis

    -gun toting board member

    -literally every single one at this link

  64. Cake Diva*

    I still think a lot about the poor leap-year birthday. And then the update that just dug in and made things worse. But I’m not sure there’s anything more to get from that.

    In a more general sense, I’d love to hear follow-up from any of the “if I leave, it will ruin the company/team/project” type of letters. Mostly because I’ve been there and been guilted (mostly from myself admittedly) into staying longer than I should have. And getting out was a lifesaver to me, and I hope the letter writers also were able to get to a better situation without too much guilt or baggage.

    1. WellRed*

      This post is from May 2019 and I wonder what happened to this old boys club and it’s golf when corona hit a year later.

  65. drpuma*

    Dream update request – From anyone who recognized themself as the other party, or who recognized a coworker because the details were so bananas. I know Alison has no way to verify, but it would be super fun to read a third-party account.

    1. Seven If You Count Bad John*

      There have been a couple of times when someone has sent in a question and the coworkers recognized themselves/the company and helped resolve the issue.

  66. Katie*

    I’d really like to hear from the person who accidentally sent her boss to Naples, Italy instead of Naples, Florida for a post mortem of just how that came to be. It was indeed a series of unfortunate events, so let’s hear about those events. Did the OP always think the event was in Italy, or did they think they were booking for Florida but the booking software subbed in Italy and they didn’t notice? Did the boss know it was in Florida, and not understand when the pilot said Italy, or did they think there were supposed to got to Italy and then in Italy found out there wasn’t a conference? At what point could someone have realized the mistake, but didn’t? Where could the outcome have been altered, but wasn’t? I just find it so interesting and wild that it happened–and would be fascinated to hear just how it DID happen!

    1. Sleepless*

      I just wanted to know how any human, ever, boarded an international flight without realizing it.

      1. Liz*

        To be fair, they were traveling out of Canada so it was an international flight either way. But still a lot of failure from every side.

      2. Owler*

        If I remember correctly, the OP and the boss were in Canada, so both Naples would have been international flights. This also helps explain why the OP might not have been familiar with Naples, FL.

  67. Liz*

    I would like an update about the intern with literacy issues who was the homeschooled son of the boss.

  68. Will's Mom*

    I don’t remember the ops moniker, but I want an update from the young man who was considering suicide because he was underemployed and despondent over ever getting a job that we went to school for. I cried buckets when I read that. I’ve prayed so many prayers for him.

  69. Sick of Workplace Bullshit*

    I would love to see an update from the first few people who had questions answered here way back when!

    1. Observer*

      I feel bad about the pile on. But I also hope that Jan got fired. And I hope that the OP got a better job – their management really put them in an impossible situation.

  70. Happy It Isn't Always Monday*

    I’d like an update from the manager who had an employee who was obsessed with a co-worker’s prosthesis. It was amazingly tone-deaf and cringy (on the part of the employee, not the manager!).

  71. Not Australian*

    Just wanted to add to my previous comments that I was among those urging for mid-year updates last year and am absolutely *thrilled* that you are hoping to continue with these, AAM, especially in view of the fact that it will give you an easier time come the year-end.

    Also, noting your comments above about Katie the Fed, I am intrigued by how well you are able to identify individual repeat commenters – if this is something you would feel comfortable sharing, of course!

  72. Chidi-Janet & The Tarantula Squids*

    * My boss keeps a sad photo at the desk we share – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-boss-is-upset-i-wont-drive-long-distances-getting-reimbursed-for-pole-dancing-classes-and-more.html (#2 at the link) also at the same link: #5 My boss won’t let me take more than two weeks off at once
    * My coworker put a magical curse on her boss – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-coworker-put-a-magical-curse-on-her-boss.html
    * Unemployment says they overpaid me and wants repayment — but I can’t reach them -https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/i-have-a-crush-on-an-older-coworker-my-wife-read-her-bosss-diary-and-more.html (#4 at the link)
    * I work at a boarding school and my partner can’t visit during the week because we’re unmarried – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/i-work-at-a-boarding-school-and-my-partner-cant-visit-during-the-week-because-were-unmarried.html
    * I accidentally threw a sandwich and it caused a work crisis – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/i-accidentally-threw-a-sandwich-and-it-caused-a-work-crisis.html
    * My job told me to ignore safety rules for kids – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-job-told-me-to-ignore-safety-rules-for-kids-should-i-tell-my-boss-a-coworker-is-job-searching-and-more.html
    * My coworker asked me to hide my breast milk because she doesn’t like seeing it in the office fridge – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-coworker-asked-me-to-hide-my-breast-milk-because-she-doesnt-like-seeing-it-in-the-office-fridge.html
    * The head of my division gave me (and my niece and friend) COVID-19 and no one cares – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/the-head-of-my-division-gave-me-and-my-niece-and-friend-covid-19-and-no-one-cares.html
    * My boss sits outside my house in her car for hours – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-boss-sits-outside-my-house-for-hours-parking-woes-and-more.html
    * My coworker is changing her appearance to match mine and rips my work off the walls when she’s mad – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-coworker-is-changing-her-appearance-to-match-mine-and-rips-my-work-off-the-walls-when-shes-mad.html  (relatedly; #1 at https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/my-coworker-is-copying-my-look-i-blasted-a-recruiter-for-not-answering-me-and-more.html)
    * My awful former boss is my new coworker’s sister – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-awful-former-boss-is-my-new-coworkers-sister.html
    * My coworker smokes e-cigarettes at work but it’s illegal – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/yelling-at-work-coworkers-smokes-e-cigarettes-after-being-told-to-stop-and-more.html (#2 at the link)
    * Anti-vaxx coworker has job verifying vaccinations – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/anti-vaxx-coworker-is-verifying-vaccinations-paying-for-a-cover-letter-and-more.html
    * my coworker refuses to wear a mask – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-coworker-refuses-to-wear-a-mask.html
    * my boss’s relative treats me like his personal assistant – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-bosss-relative-treats-me-like-his-personal-assistant.html
    * My senior colleague is a creepy, sexist, abusive jerk – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/company-delayed-telling-us-about-a-possible-covid-exposure-coworkers-wont-use-my-correct-title-and-more.html (#3 at the link)
    * My employee started a false rumours that two coworkers were having an affair – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-employee-started-a-rumor-that-two-coworkers-were-having-an-affair.html
    * how do I adjust to not being the boss anymore? – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/how-do-i-adjust-to-not-being-the-boss-anymore.html

    1. Rachel 2: Electric Boogaloo*

      There was an update to the boarding school letter fairly recently.

  73. Chidi-Janet & The Tarantula Squids*

    * I want to quit … but if I leave, my project will die – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/i-want-to-quit-but-if-i-leave-my-project-will-die.html – How are you, OP? I worried about you.
    * HR treats my autistic employee like he’s an incompetent child – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/hr-treats-my-autistic-employee-like-hes-an-incompetent-child.html
    * When I asked for a raise my boss went through my bills – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/when-i-asked-for-a-raise-my-boss-went-through-my-bills.html
    * Can my job make me travel during the pandemic – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/can-my-job-make-me-travel-during-the-pandemic.html
    * My employee told me “I prefer not to” when I tried to give him a new project – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/my-employee-told-me-i-prefer-not-to-when-i-tried-to-give-him-a-new-project.html
    * My job wants me to sign an NDA after I’ve already resigned – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/do-i-have-to-cover-self-harm-scars-boss-resents-that-i-can-work-from-home-after-having-a-baby-and-more.html (#3 at the link)
    * How do I talk to my husband about his poor work ethic and bad attitude – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/how-do-i-talk-to-my-husband-about-his-poor-work-ethic-and-bad-attitude.html
    * Should we provide the name behind anonymous feedback to a customer – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/should-we-provide-the-name-behind-anonymous-feedback-to-a-customer.html
    * My manager won’t stop commenting on my injury – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/boss-sends-us-daily-sales-pitches-for-a-money-management-app-pressure-for-virtual-socializing-and-more.html (#4 at the link)
    * My company punishes single people who have to quarantine more than once, but not married people – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/my-company-punishes-single-people-who-have-to-quarantine-more-than-once-but-not-married-people.html
    * My employee keeps criticising my food – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/my-employee-keeps-criticizing-my-food.html
    * How should I handle joking around during mental health discussions with my team – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/how-should-i-handle-joking-around-during-mental-health-discussions-with-my-team.html
    * My boss won’t do anything about a colleague’s terrible work, which I rely on – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/my-boss-wont-manage-a-terrible-employee-my-coworker-scream-yawns-and-more.html
    * My hostile ex-friend is my new boss – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/my-ex-friend-is-my-new-boss-employer-sending-rides-for-us-in-the-snow-and-more.html
    * My boss called me disgusting for not cleaning up my male coworkers’ mess – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/my-boss-called-me-disgusting-for-not-cleaning-up-a-mess-made-by-men.html

    1. OptimisticIntern*

      The individual speaking to the autistic employee like a child was updated recently! Unless you meant you wanted a second update, which I would love as well just to know that people are flourishing. On a side note, I am also worried about that OP :( On reflection, there are some LW’s that I still think of with concern. The one where she updated (3 times I think?) because she was threatened by her employee’s appearance and ended up undergoing both therapy and moving, really sits heavy on me. I know it isn’t my business to know how they are now but I still think of it often. Maybe because it is rare to have someone be so honest in their letters, and part of me always hopes people can recover when they gain the ability to self reflect.

      Apologies if my formatting is poor, the update is https://www.askamanager.org/2021/04/update-hr-treats-my-autistic-employee-like-hes-an-incompetent-child.html

  74. TexasRose*

    Here’s my list:
    I hope this LW is continuing to do well after her first update:

    Nasty coworkers bullying a temp worker (one disappointing update – are things better?)

    Jerks who want to prank someone who is afraid of clowns:

    The last update from this one was when the LW hadn’t reported to the new job yet. Was the new department nice?

    The unrealistic expectations during the transition period:

    The office assistant being harrassed because her boss’s husband is an abusive jerk:


    The dog walker with Crohn’s disease whose manager’s husband didn’t want to let her resign for health reasons:

    6′ male is body blocking older female colleague in the hallway:

  75. A Genuine Scientician*

    I’d love to hear back from the person who hated their first long term job during the pandemic and wanted to quit because it was impacting their mental health (https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/when-is-it-ok-to-quit-a-new-job-i-hate.html).

    Also, like so many others, I’d want to hear any updates from the exemplary employee who quit because their manager wouldn’t let them go to their graduation, but approved time off for concerts for others. Or from the manager realizing they’d been a fool.

  76. EvilQueenRegina*

    The boss who wanted to scold the OP’s husband for contacting him when the boss wouldn’t let OP go and be with her sick child!

  77. Rachel 2: Electric Boogaloo*

    Here are some more I’d love updates on! The first is from 2017 and the others are more recent.

    -I don’t get to go on my office’s weight loss reward cruise

    -My company punishes single people who have to quarantine more than once – but not married people

    -The people I train keep failing – am I the problem?

    -I won money on a game show, and my coworkers resent that I wasn’t laid off

    -My company makes me front thousands of dollars on my personal credit card

  78. Rachel 2: Electric Boogaloo*

    And one more, from 2019: My coworkers treat me like I’m not very smart (featuring Clever Natasha). I really hope the update is that OP got the hell out of there and into a much better company.

  79. Updates, yay!*

    Oh, please, an update from the woman whose coworker told everyone they were married!

  80. Yay! Updates!*

    Would like to see an update from the boss whose family had harmed one of his employees. He gave an update in the comments at the time but we don’t know if the employee stayed, etc.

  81. EvilQueenRegina*

    “Phil” who assumed everyone was slacking when they worked from home – that OP was looking elsewhere at the last update, if you are reading this did you find anything?

  82. I take tea*

    I have asked about this before, but I’d like to know where the person who bit their coworker is today. There was one update boiling down to “eh, it’s an interesting work, even if the place is totally dysfunctional”, and I’d like to know if they are still there, and if they still think it’s good.

    This was the letter that got me hooked on Ask a Manager, because both Alison’s answer and the comments were so kind, without saying “it’s no big deal”. Kindness is not so very common and I love this site because of it. Thank you Alison for making the internet and many people’s work better.

    Original: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/i-bit-my-coworker.html
    Update: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/12/update-i-bit-my-coworker.html

  83. Sour Grapes*

    Did we ever get an update on the sex romp letter?? I just re-read it, and man, I would love to hear how that one turned out

  84. Sisyphus*

    I just found the “my boss wants me to expense his sex romp conference trip” from 2019 and I would love an update on that one!

Comments are closed.