where are you now? (a call for updates)

At the end of each year, I publish a slew of “where are they now” updates from people whose questions I answered here in the past. In past years we’ve had several hundred each December and it’s been magnificent (and has let me take most of the month off, so thank you).

If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now?  (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.)

Note: Your update doesn’t have to be positive or big to be worth submitting. We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting.

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

{ 510 comments… read them below }

          1. fogharty*

            When I was a lad I read four dozen updates
            Each day to help me reach all my goals
            But now that I’m here I read lots more updates
            ‘Specially the ones ‘bout cheap ass roooooooolllls!

    1. East Coast Girl*

      You beat me to it. I actually hummed the tune out loud (at my desk…in the middle of a cubicle farm) when I read the headline.

    2. Another HR Person*

      I just came to the comments to say the exact same thing! The only thing better than the updates is voting for the worst boss of the year!

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        And I love that someone below suggested this year maybe splitting things up – like bad policies vrs just a bad boss.

  1. Teekanne aus Schokolade*

    I’d love to know what happened to the person who had a coworker with OCD and the boss “accommodated” that by lining people up by gender at the bus stop and dictated their clothing choices!

    1. Damn it, Hardison!*

      Oh, me too! While I would love to live in a world where everything is symmetrical, that letter took it to a whole new level.

          1. David*

            Actually, hands have chirality, not symmetry, so I’d believe an informed OCD person might just go crazy either way.

    2. Purple Loves Snow*

      YES! Completely agree that an update on this one is needed. It lives rent free in my brain and I am still baffled by it.

    3. SaffyTaffy*

      Eh, I feel like it’s just going to be, “I used your scripts, and our boss did nothing. 6 months later I left for my dream job! As far as I know Casey is still being Casey.”

    4. Xenia*

      My favorite part about this time of year is that I get to remember the truly bonkers letter that I completely forgot about. Or sometimes (like with the recent Theranos letter) ones that started tame and then became bonkers.

    5. I'm just here for the cats*

      OMG Thank you for posting this. I forgot about it. I always wondered, what if someone had broken their arm? would they require a cast on both arms? And the bus stop? What if someone that wasn’t from the company used that bus stop? would people get in trouble because they didn’t tell the person to line up right?

      1. EmmyBee*

        Since I have a facial deformity I wonder how Casey and this company would react to me. Stalemate on the ADA…who would win?!

        1. KoiFeeder*

          See, I’m just ugly, but I’d love to see that HR try to tell me that I needed to wear make up to cover my scars (not happening) or get scars on both sides (okay, but they have to pay a doctor to inflict them).

    6. JJ Bittenbinder*

      That one has lived rent-free in my head since it first appeared. I so want — nay, need — an update on that.

  2. Mary Richards*

    I asked for this last year, too, but I most want to hear from the person who left the letter at the grave. I hope they are doing well.

          1. Mary Richards*

            Yes. This is what I meant! We got a few updates around the time it happened, but I would love to know that the person is ok.

      1. Mary Richards*

        I know, but it’s been several years and that letter still haunts me. I just hope the person is ok.

    1. kittymommy*

      I still feel so bad for this poor person. In my head one of her co-workers is a reader, realized how they wrongly blamed her for the horrible boss, and they reached out to apologize and mend fences and everyone is friends again.

    2. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Agreed – I’d love to hear from them now after more time has passed. I hope they are in a better place and that the whole world has realized what a jerk ex-boss was.

    1. Escapee from Corporate Management*

      I hope to hear from the employee. I know it’s unlikely, but I would LOOOOOVE to get her view of that manager.

      1. SaffyTaffy*

        @Karen mine too! And people who aren’t familiar with the blog were incredulous, and it was so satisfying to point them to similar examples. It even got some friends talking about their own examples of not being paid, which I hope educated the incredulous people.

        1. Candi*

          For me, half the point of such posts and talking in the comments (and the Not Always Right site comments) is to educate people that yes, shiz happens, no, you’re not alone, and no, you don’t have to put up with it -go hear for payroll violations, here for disability, and over here for sexism/racism.

    2. B*

      Relatedly, would like to know if “how do I tell my employee that quitting to attend their graduation was unprofessional” has learned anything about themself.

    1. Long Time Listener*

      YES! I’m just so curious about how many people actually quit and are able to find work elsewhere. And I’m sure there’s variation based on industry!

      1. LunaLena*

        I think they are referring to the “will I be fired if I refuse a COVID test” letter. It was posted on September 3, 2021, and Allison noted in the comments that she received a hate-filled email from the LW afterwards.

    2. Anon Supervisor*

      Lots of places are finding that most of the employees that say they’re going to quit, end up complying.

      1. JJ Bittenbinder*

        That’s what most of the news in my area is as well. People talk a good game but, when it comes to putting food on the table and a roof over their heads, they realize it’s best to have an income (especially if they work in an industry where it would be very difficult to find a company that doesn’t have such a mandate and that is hiring and that they are qualified to work at).

        1. Plant Lady*

          Oh god, now I’m having flashbacks to The Gerbils at a daycare center. I am not kidding when I say I still have nightmares about those damn gerbils.

    1. Mental Lentil*

      The last I heard, four of them learned the martial arts and are now fighting crime. Not sure about the others, though!

    2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      And the garden in the office. Someone was growing well, things…dang it. Anyone remember?

    1. I'm just here for the cats*

      I think everyone has asked for an update since it was posted. PLEASE Roll person please update us!!!

  3. Eldritch Office Worker*

    “We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting.”

    SERIOUSLY EVEN IF YOU HAD A TINY SHORT ANSWER QUESTION THAT DIDN’T GET A LOT OF ATTENTION PLEEEEEASE I WANT TO HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU

    1. Murphy*

      This! I love updates even if they’re small/mundane. I love to know what people did with the advice and what happened.

    2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      If it’s I did speak up, but nothing changed, so I left. Or, I didn’t speak up, but I left. Or I couldn’t leave so I grey rock. Hit us back. We care.
      And if it’s “i’m still here. it still sucks. I can’t move forward.” Send an update for the commentariat to you give you a support booster shot!

        1. Liza*

          Agreed! (Normally I wouldn’t comment to just agree, but I want to encourage those letter writers to send updates too.)

    3. Iron Chef Boyardee*

      Sometimes the “I don’t think my update is very interesting” updates turn out to be the most interesting ones!

    4. Writer of a tiny short answer question that didn't get attention*

      Well, in that case, I guess I know what I’ll be doing on my afternoon break today.

  4. Reality Check*

    I’d love to hear from the guy at the trucking firm whose boss wanted them to film pornographic films.

          1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

            Yeah – that one got really bad, really fast. Sincerely hope that OP escaped before the house of cards came crashing down.

    1. The OTHER other*

      How as this not made into a movie of the week somewhere? And to make it even more “meta”, then made into an actual porn movie?

  5. Long Time Listener*

    I definitely want to hear an update from the boss whose employee didn’t get paid on time and was “disrespectful” about it. Or from the employee, if they’re a reader!

  6. LadyHouseOfLove*

    I would love to hear back from the letter writer whose boss enjoyed her work until they met up and she realized that OP was not thin. It still gets me angry how the boss suddenly thought OP was lazy, never mind the contrary evidence to that.

    1. Candi*

      For anyone who hasn’t seen it:

      “my boss liked my work — until we met in person and she saw my weight”

  7. Meredith*

    I would LOVE an update from the mngr who basically forced her best employee to miss her own college graduation, and was flabbergasted when the employee quit. Also, we received an update on this next one, but I want an UPDATE to the update – the imfmaous leap year birthday.

    1. CatCat*

      I would love to hear about the college graduation manager. Really hoping that manager learned something and how wrong it was, and has improved. Maybe some day. I think about that letter often.

    2. LCH*

      I’m so curious if the bosses who write in and get told they are doing wrong things keep reading this blog. I hope they do! But with human nature, I assume they don’t.

      1. Candi*

        At least one did. She didn’t want to admit how wrong she was at first, but with therapy and family support she realized how horrible she’d been, and that she wasn’t cut out to be a manager.

        Starts at #1, and there’s two updates. I don’t remember if she commented at all.

        “I’m jealous of my attractive employee, working for free when changing careers, and more”

    3. DL Smith*

      Honestly, my first thought earlier this week with the writer that was so upset about the employee being “disrespectful” about not getting paid, was that it was the same boss that didn’t want to give the leap year employee the day off.
      Or maybe a relative.

    4. Cheshire Cat*

      I would love to hear from the employee who quit! I think about them sometimes and hope that they ended up in a much better company.

  8. MuseumChick*

    I want an update from the manager who wrote in recently because they felt an employee had been “disrespectful” after the employee hadn’t been paid for two pay cycles.

    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      This is going to be Alison’s Baader-Meinhof moment of 2021. I came here to post this request and so I spotted one, and then another.
      Please catch us up, OP. Has this changed your opinion at all?

  9. Ms. Hagrid Frizzle*

    I’d really like to hear from the roller-derby OP who was interrogated by her employer/HR after a coworker wouldn’t stop harrasing her about a black eye and her personal habits.

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Agreed – that was such a different letter I’d love to hear that she’s doing fine.

  10. Allornone*

    She didn’t write in herself, but I want to hear from the woman who finally got her (leap year) birthday off this year! Is she even still employed with that nutcase? Maybe by now she works someplace where they actually acknowledge that she ages too.

    Incidentally, my new job also has a policy of getting your birthday off (the first job that I’ve worked that has an official policy). But you get to take either your birthday OR ANY OTHER SINGLE DAY OFF OF YOUR CHOOSING IN THAT PAY PERIOD without using other accrued time off. See how easy that is, OP? It’s really effing easy. CHANGE YOUR STUPID POLICY.

    1. Eleanor Shellstrop*

      That sounds like SUCH a reasonable policy, and also accounts for the awkward “well my birthday technically falls on a Wednesday but I’d rather get a 3 day weekend like Bob whose birthday fell on a Friday this year” kind of issue. Love it!

      1. Allornone*

        I know, right? That’s what happens when you work for a company that actually tries to care about its employees, and isn’t just going through the motions.

      2. Richard Hershberger*

        My guess is that for the original LW, their birthday is an absolutely huge deal, but can only be celebrated on the actual birthday itself. Moving it to a more convenient day would be like an observant Christian doing Christmas on the Monday closest to December 25. That works for civil holidays that are really just an excuse for a long weekend, but not for the holidays where we take seriously the underlying reason for them. So by this logic, the point of the day off is so the employee can make this huge deal of the birthday, but the point goes away if it is not the actual birthday. I absolutely am not defending the logic. It is terrible in many ways, beginning with the Failure of Abstract Thought that other people might do birthdays differently. But it is a chain of logic that would lead to the conclusion we saw in that letter.

        1. Tehanu*

          But they let people whose birthday happened to fall on the weekend take the Friday or Monday off! That was what was so infuriating – they already accommodating people, just not the leap-year person.

        2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

          Your logic is too generous. OP writes the following:
          “Employees must take their birthday off. This is mandatory and not voluntary. They are paid and don’t have use their own time off. If their birthday falls on a weekend or holiday, they get the first working day off. There is no changing the date. They must take their actual birthday or the first working day back (in case of a weekend or holiday). People love the policy and no one complains about the mandatory day off or the gift card.”
          Just a rigid person.

          1. Richard Hershberger*

            So it is. I had forgotten about getting the following Monday off. That is absolutely bonkers: incredible, in the literal sense of can’t be believed.

        3. GammaGirl1908*

          Further, the LW was being wildly and weirdly obtuse about the fact that, even if that year does not contain a Feb 29, the lady has a day that she legally changes age every year. As of March 1, she has, officially, lived another year. He was honestly acting like she only aged in Leap years and should be ignored the rest of the time. Gahhhhhhhhhh.

          Whenever I remember that letter, I get infuriated all over again that they purposely leave her off the cake! I think she should have, like, a mini-muffin off to the side with her initials on it the first year, a cupcake off to the side with her name on it the second year, a baby-smash-sized cake with her name on it the third year, and then be centered on the cake in Leap years!

          1. Candi*

            I absolutely adore your idea of the growing cakes.

            Someone, in I think the big britches manager post, called it “Pirates of Penzance rules”. And I have to admit, when the original letter first went up, first thing I did when I hit the page was Ctrl-F “pirates”.

    2. KateM*

      It’s actually not 2020 anymore although it may feel like that. Leap year was last year not this year.

      1. Allornone*

        ooh, dang. You’re right. My bad.

        This has seemed like one very long, very arduous year. But alas, it’s two.

    3. Jen, from the library*

      My job has always had a birthday as a holiday but you can…guess what???

      TAKE IT WHENEVER YOU WANT!!!

      It’s basically another personal day. :-)

      1. TimesChange*

        We started doing the birthday thing, but the rules are fairly loose. You take your birthday off, if it’s the weekend, take Friday or Monday off. If it’s crunch time, take it when you can.

  11. Picard*

    I want to hear an update from the LW this week who was losing people constantly because they didnt want to work 100 hour weeks!!

      1. Tazzy*

        For anyone interested, you can Ctrl+F “Vaca” for their username. Fair warning that you will get every single mention of “vacation” as well.

        1. Hlao-roo*

          If you Ctrl + F for “Vaca*” you’ll just get the OP’s comments. (Alison updated the site a while ago to add a hidden * on the end of usernames to make searching easier.)

          1. SpaceySteph*

            Is that what the * is for? I am a compulsive highlighter as I read so I’d seen it many times but never put together the reason why. Its brilliant!

            1. Candi*

              It started because a lot of people use OP, LW, or Letter Writer when writing as the person who sent in the letter. Problem being that that’s what commentators call them! So Alison put the hidden asterisk so OP*, LW*, etc. could be searched without getting hundreds or thousands of irrelevant mentions.

      2. Observer*

        Yeah, the sense I got was that “this is the industry, I can’t change anything, and I should get brownie points for feeding them when they are on hour 13 of their workday and not making them work MORE than 100 hours.”

        1. Candi*

          O.o

          I can get “this is the industry” -some can be nuts like that on occasion- but wanting kudos for feeding them when it’s the company’s requirement they’re there in the first place?

          Even (sensible) feudal lords didn’t think that, since taking care of your people is just what you did.

    1. CBB*

      I’d like to hear from someone who left a job like that, and about what they ended up doing instead.

      1. Mary Richards*

        I know a few people like that (my industry is like that, minus the “everyone gets paid super-well” part). Most have gone on to much better pay in less pressured industries and seem to be doing just fine.

      2. The OTHER other*

        I wonder how people working 100 hours a week are looking and finding other jobs, and doing interviews.

      3. Former Big Law grinder*

        @CBB They are told that partnership is not in their future at that place and get 3 months fully paid with barely any substantive work to job search on the clock. What do they do next? I took a 40% pay cut to go to the government and work 40 hours a week. No weekends, the rare evening once every other year or so when circumstances require. Best career decision ever, wish I had done it sooner. But was too busy grinding to stop and really consider whether the goal I was grinding for was what I really wanted.

    2. generic_username*

      Agreed, although it may be too soon after his letter for an update that actually shows how Allison’s advice impacted him. I want his update next year (and I really hope it isn’t “the job market got tough again so now employees are putting up with terrible hours because they have no other options”)

      1. Candi*

        I think next year would be too soon for the job market to get crappy again, as far as foreseeable factors are concerned.

        As the Recession trickled away, jobs opened up because the economy was finally improving. The people had been there, but there hadn’t been enough jobs for them, so they were doing stuff like Uber or whatever jobs they could get.

        Now, many jobs are opening because the people doing them are dead or disabled so badly they can’t work. (And it often wasn’t their fault, but the fault of some anti-distancing anti-mask glassbowl.) Until the working population repopulates, there are going to be jobs that just don’t have anyone to fill them, and where automation is just not feasible.

    3. Me*

      Oh they’ve updated in the comments.

      Still referring to junior employees as worthless unless they are there for two years.
      Still insisting they can’t much change anything while simultaneously being able to think that perhaps penalizing them more is a good idea.
      Basically said they don’t want to spend their capital on oh I don’t know encouraging humane working conditions.

      My sympathy level fell with every continued insistence that welp it just sucks and that’s it and they should be grateful anyway. They don’t really want to encourage what needs to be done to fix the situation. The only answers they’re interested in a ones that can force employees to stay.

      I do hope they ditch the toxic mindset and at least try to affect some decent change. But then again they thought it was worthwhile to mention that hey at least the company fed them if (when) they were being made to work into the obscene hours.

      1. Delta Delta*

        I kind of wondered how they had time to do all that interacting amid their 100 hour work week.

        1. Candi*

          In places like that, it’s rarely management that does the 100 hour work weeks. /cynical Even if they’re physically present, they’re not working.

    4. Just stoppin' by to chat*

      That comment section is still going strong. One of the best comment sections I’ve read in a long time on this site. So many thoughts!

  12. Web of Pies*

    It’s a bit older, but “my boss pees in jars in his office and dumps them in the shared kitchen sink WHILE I WAS WASHING DISHES” is my favorite WTF AAM story, can’t remember if we got an update!

  13. Spicy Tuna*

    I have a few old ones that I’d love updates on. If any have already updated, please let me know if I missed it!

    https://www.askamanager.org/2016/04/my-boss-freaked-out-when-he-saw-my-menstrual-products.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/after-an-employee-died-her-team-has-driven-off-anyone-we-hire-to-replace-her.html

    Number 1 in this post:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2019/02/a-client-hit-my-parked-car-is-it-gross-to-floss-in-the-office-bathroom-and-more.html

    1. Harriet Vane*

      I came on here to ask for an update about the team driving off new hires. Such a sad situation.

      1. Seven If You Count Bad John*

        Same, I was just thinking about that one the other day & wishing for an update!

      2. Spicy Tuna*

        Agreed, I really hope that team was able to get the closure it needed. I’m so curious as to how they got there.

      3. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        Agreed – I really want to know what is happening with that group a few years later now.

  14. Cheesehead*

    I would love to hear an update about the person who accidentally exposed herself at work, and the manager took a picture of her, printed it, and distributed it to other managers, and then reprimanded the worker. I’ve been hoping that someone with some common sense and compassion came down really hard on the the manager who did all of that (AND on the other people who she gave the pictures to, for not telling her then and there that she was way out of line).

  15. Blue Eagle*

    This was a Friday question but the very first time I happened upon the AAM blog (thanks Exile from Texas) someone was selected to take a marijuana test and if they refused their employer would fire them. And if they flunked, the employer would fire them. The person was going back and forth with the commentariat about what to do (i.e. quit before the test, other options, etc). It was fascinating reading for a first time reader. Just wondered if that person still reads AAM and what ended up happening that day and where they are now.

    1. Sherm*

      If I remember correctly, the LW did right back in the same or different open thread — the LW told the boss that he/she would not take the test, and wound up getting fired.

  16. EPLawyer*

    Oh I want an update from all the people who were either:

    1. Dreading going back to the office
    2. Couldn’t wait to go back to the office

    I’d like to know how it went. Also from the person who wrote in about how she had been there the whole time and how about some freaking acknowledgement of that. Did that ever get taken care of?

      1. EmmaPoet*

        IRRC that thread had to shut down pretty quickly because people kept trying to tone police or argue with commenters who’d been in person the whole time and things got very heated.

  17. RandomLawyer*

    I’d love an update from the person whose employee just. wouldn’t. stop. talking. in meetings. I’d love to know if they found a way to get that person to stop, for my own use in my fellow employees.

  18. 867-5309*

    26 Jan 2021: 1. I got caught sharing confidential info
    16 February 2021: 2. I blasted a recruitment agency for not responding to me
    12 July 2021: my trust fund coworker bullies staff for being “poor”

    Also, I would like to know – several years past – how one of those interns who asked about the dress code feel? Did it affect their future prospects? Has their POV changed now that they’ve been in the workplace for a couple years?

    1. 867-5309*

      And the guy who ghosted his long-term girlfriend and then years later she ended up in a role that would have made her his boss. I know he wrote an initial update but curious if he has come to terms with how things shook out, or is he still blaming her/circumstances?

        1. RabidChild*

          Me too! I love that guy’s very broad definition of the word “ghosted”. Weren’t they living together?

          1. Candi*

            Yup.

            Alison: Ooof. I wrote back and asked, “How long were you in the relationship with her?”

            We were together for three years and lived together for two of those years. I know that ghosting is not a way to end the relationship but I cannot do much about it now. I appreciate the trouble you are taking with getting back to me.

      1. EmmaPoet*

        My guess is that he’s still blaming her. Unless he was willing to go to a therapist and work on himself, I really doubt he’s changed from the guy who ghosted his live-in girlfriend of three years and then ten years later flounced out of a job because he couldn’t go around badmouthing her to other staff members.

    2. Pants*

      Ooooh, the trust fund B. Yeah, I’d like one for her. One that … kicks her off her high horse. Lie to me.

      1. Candi*

        I was glad Mustache Cat got in first comment. They really say it all when it comes to initial reactions.

        Once that part was done with, it was great how compassionate the commentariat was to the poor guy and his rather spectacular moment of poor judgement.

    1. Paris Geller*

      YUP. This is by far my most wanted. There have been a lot of weird letters over the years, but for some reason, this one gets to me.

      1. Sleepless*

        Same! I don’t know why, but after so many years of over-the-top workplace stories, that one had an alternate-universe vibe that just stuck with me.

    2. The Prettiest Curse*

      Yes, I was just thinking of that letter. I hope that letter writer learned the reason for that exceptionally odd policy.

    3. Purple Cat*

      Yes!
      I just sent a link to that story to my team the other week because humor is the only way we get through our day.

  19. LCH*

    interested in hearing from these writers:
    -Coworker wants us to reimburse her for purchases we never agreed to
    -Boss organizes a poker game to determine end-of-year bonuses
    -My company wants me to investigate what expensive medical treatments employees are having and why
    -The boss who fired me got hired at my new job — and she’s joking about how bad my work was

    1. CoffeeIsMyFriend*

      second for: -My company wants me to investigate what expensive medical treatments employees are having and why

    2. Candi*

      “My company wants me to investigate what expensive medical treatments employees are having and why”

      Wait, what!? (scrambled off to search)

  20. DANGER: Gumption Ahead*

    The best part of fall!!!

    There are a ton I’d love updates from, but here is what I can think of right now:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/our-highly-paid-overworked-junior-staff-keep-leaving-just-as-we-get-them-fully-trained.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/my-boss-called-me-disgusting-for-not-cleaning-up-a-mess-made-by-men.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/my-terrible-boss-asked-for-feedback.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/my-coworker-keeps-saying-men-only-ask-me-for-help-because-im-hot.html
    #1 and #2: https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/im-stuck-with-my-coworkers-work-because-she-has-kids-denying-employee-bathroom-breaks-and-more.html
    #1 https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/board-member-brings-a-gun-to-meetings-but-hes-a-cop-coworker-leaves-early-every-day.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-coworker-put-a-magical-curse-on-her-boss.html
    Not that we are likely to get one, but: https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/my-employee-wasnt-respectful-enough-after-the-company-messed-up-her-paycheck.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-employee-started-a-rumor-that-two-coworkers-were-having-an-affair.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/the-boss-who-fired-me-got-hired-at-my-new-job-and-shes-joking-about-how-bad-my-work-was.html
    #2 https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/do-i-have-to-cover-self-harm-scars-boss-resents-that-i-can-work-from-home-after-having-a-baby-and-more.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/my-boss-told-me-not-to-give-greeting-cards-to-older-men.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/my-employee-gave-me-an-its-her-or-me-ultimatum.html
    #1 https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/my-coworker-keeps-crying-in-meetings-my-boss-only-wants-to-hire-friends-and-more.html
    #1 https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/should-i-try-to-get-my-hr-rep-fired-new-boss-lives-on-my-street-and-more.html
    #1 https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/boss-is-pressuring-me-to-attend-a-drunken-weekend-thank-you-notes-when-you-resign-and-more.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/my-employee-complains-that-her-excellent-coworker-has-too-much-flexibility.html

    1. Jacki Straw*

      +1 to the “coworker says men only talk to me because I’m hot” and “new boss lives on my street.”

    2. Need More Sunshine*

      YES to the “it’s her or me ultimatum” one – I was looking for this to be mentioned somewhere here!

    3. Becca*

      Second the me or her ultimatum. I know we got an early update, but I’d love to know how things are going now that some time has passed.

    4. Greige*

      I second your second: the woman whose boss personally insulted her because of of her male coworkers’ messes.

  21. Murphy*

    Was there an update to the one where the boss wanted traveling employees to camp (in tents)? Was posted in 2020, I think.

    Also the man this year who was upset his company’s women’s leadership program didn’t include men.

    1. Spicy Tuna*

      In the same vein, the man who organized the company’s golf outing and was upset that the women in the office weren’t enthusiastic about it.

  22. CatCat*

    I would also like an updates on:
    * “I’m worried my new hire won’t fit into our very liberal — and vocal — team”
    * “my trust fund coworker bullies staff for being “poor”
    * “a creepy customer complained my employees aren’t friendly enough”
    * “veterinarian is breaking under the weight of free-advice seekers” (this one was an “ask the readers” one and I’m wondering if the OP found the advice helpful and was able to implement strategies to help with the problem).

  23. Eldritch Office Worker*

    What I would like updates for:

    “Household employees keep ghosting me”
    “I’m forgetful and disorganized — and I’m a project manager”
    “Coworker thinks our manager is a narcissist and is doing her dissertation on it”
    “I manage the CEO’s nephew and he’s horrible”
    “student employee keeps venting on social media about a work decision”
    “our boss won’t speak to us, hides in his office, and drops off calls if anyone greets him”
    “my coworker’s bad customer service is irritating me … and she’s friends with my mom”
    “my office got us turtles to take care of and bring home on weekends”
    “should I expose my boss for her mean and gossipy Twitter account?”

    Also literally anything from mortification week

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        Seconded (or maybe thirded) for the dissertation one. That one made me have serious wuestions about what sort of academic program the dissertation writer was enrolled in.

    1. generic_username*

      Omg, yes to “our boss won’t speak to us, hides in his office, and drops off calls if anyone greets him.”

  24. Pikachu*

    my partner’s career means we move all the time and it’s destroying my resume – October 23, 2019

    LW was in a bad place. I hope things have gotten better for them and would love to hear more.

  25. Cookie Monster*

    I’d love to hear from 2 people: the one who’s coworker ‘jabbed’ them with their finger almost 40 times a day and the woman who was the HR Director’s assistant and was accused of being “the keeper of his zipper” by her coworkers.

  26. Wendy*

    It’s a few years old now, but the librarian(?) who was also voice over artist. She had to keep moving and changing jobs to get away from a stalker fan – only if it’s safe though! Don’t come out of hiding just for me!

  27. DEJ*

    Recent LW’s:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/04/my-whole-office-works-from-home-except-me-and-im-getting-stuck-with-everyones-admin-work.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/i-had-a-meltdown-during-an-office-welcome-back-party-in-my-honor.html

    Older LW’s:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/after-an-employee-died-her-team-has-driven-off-anyone-we-hire-to-replace-her.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2016/08/my-manager-stole-a-family-heirloom-from-me-and-gave-it-as-a-gift-to-someone-else.html

    And I’m still dying to know what the dress code intern thinks of all this five years later.

    1. Triss Merigold*

      Oh I am desperate to hear an update about the little caboose heirloom! I really really wanted OP to get that thing back. What a messed up situation.

    2. Librarian of SHIELD*

      Oh, I really, really want an update from the employee who got upset at the welcome back party. I want to know that LW is okay.

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        Agreed – I hope they are emotionally and physically in a good place now. They have been through the wringer this year.

  28. awesome3*

    Would LOVE updates from:

    – no humor allowed in the office
    – I want to leave my family business
    – We can only bring our spouse to the holiday party if we have kids
    – my boss who fired me got hired at my new job – and she’s joking about how bad my work was
    – my employee set up a false fraud investigation
    – when I asked for a raise my boss went through my bills

    1. Holiday Party*

      I’m the holiday party writer, and there currently isn’t an update because of Covid – no parties! If and when there is an update I will definitely write in, since I’m a regular reader. :)

    2. T. Boone Pickens*

      The false fraud LW is the one I always hope to see an update from. Such an incredibly sticky situation.

  29. Mainly Lurking (UK)*

    I really want an update on the letter from a couple of weeks ago: “the boss who fired me got hired at my new job — and she’s joking about how bad my work was”

  30. Anon-mama*

    Not going to stop asking until we get one: Boss who wanted employees to donate a liver.

    Oh, and anyone who had covid/was exposed, and their company was terrible about infection management/mitigation. I feel like last year there were a few.

  31. NerdyPrettyThings*

    It’s a pretty recent letter, but I’d like an update from the letter writer whose former boss was hired at her new job and told everyone there what a terrible employee she was years ago. I would particularly like to hear how the writer dealt with the coworker who, based on those stories, stopped trusting the OP professionally after several years of working well together. I think that would bother me more than someone who had fired me talking badly about me.

    1. All Het Up About It*

      Ah! I missed that one. What in the WHAT? And the update already supplied makes it more bonkers. I wish everyone in the office would just refuse to put the tape on their mouths. Like holy moly!

      1. 3DogNight*

        LOL, YES! And the first follow up made me concerned that he views those toxic things as normal. I’m hoping he is doing well now!

        1. Candi*

          Judging from the demographics indicated by the two letters -young, unfamiliarity with professional office norms, submissive to authority- I was pretty sure the boss selected for vulnerable young people that she could domineer over. Hopefully OP and his coworkers got out.

    1. Unapproachable Manager*

      Wow, I’m so surprised to see a request for an update on my boring little issue given all the incredible, jaw-dropping letters you have to choose from. I’ll send one in.

  32. Jacki Straw*

    I gotta find the link to get the wording right, but the LW who had less experienced coworkers interrupting them while speaking with guests…

  33. AY*

    We already got an update from the boss who received a “her or me” ultimatum, but I’d like another update now that we’re a few months removed.

    I’d also like an update from the LW who wondered if she should quit her job because she doesn’t need the money.

    1. AndersonDarling*

      That was the one I was thinking about. I really appreciated how the OP came back and said she really listened to the comments. I want to know how she is doing after the business folded.

    2. generic_username*

      Yes to both of those.

      The LW who got the her or me ultimatum seemed like she really took the advice and comments to heart, and she learned a tough lesson. I hope she’s doing okay

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        Agreed I’d love to hear back from them as well – I hope now they are at least stable.

  34. chibrusu*

    I’d like another update from the OP who’s terrible boss was dating her father & demanded they all go into family counseling together. I know she ended up quitting which caused more drama with her father. I wonder if ex-boss & father are still dating & if so, how she’s able to navigate her relationship with him.

    1. generic_username*

      Oh man, that one was something else. Would love an update (and I really hope it involves her dad dumping the terrible ex-boss)

  35. Polly Sprocket*

    I would LOVE an update from the person who was told that humor was not allowed in their office!

  36. PrairieEffingDawn*

    I would LOVE to hear from the woman whose career hit a dead end when she moved to a small town:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/my-career-hit-a-dead-end-when-we-moved-to-a-small-town.html

    It was an Ask the Readers question so it’d be cool to know if she benefited from any of the advice.

    As someone who was in a similar situation, I found the longevity of the pandemic had actually opened me up to a ton of great opportunities. I wonder if she has found the same thing.

    1. AdequateAdmin*

      Same. My partner and I were potentially looking at a similar situation (and still might be in the future) where one of us is likely going to have to either make a career change or put their career on pause for a hot minute. Niche work, small remote towns, etc. I could have written that letter myself. (Despite my username, my chosen field is not admin work)

  37. drpuma*

    I’d love to hear from anyone whose question was an “Ask The Readers”! Did it help? Were the answers what you expected?

    1. DANGER: Gumption Ahead*

      This would make a cool regular post. Like maybe 1 year from the time of the original question, Alison could contact the OP and ask if the advice helped, if it brought a new perspective, how things worked out, etc.

  38. Nea*

    I’m desperately wondering what happened to “The boss who fired me got hired at my new job and is badmouthing me” (October 13, 2021)

    Actually, I’m desperately hoping that Jane got fired for the badmouthing, but still. This one lives rent-free in my head.

  39. Just a person (wearing pants)*

    I’d love to hear an update from the person in the UK (I think?) who wanted to freeze out her coworkers because they weren’t distancing enough during covid. I believe the phrase “then I drove off in my electric order picker” was involved.

  40. Dwight Schrute*

    The boss who was telling weird lies about everyone! Also the turtles, and the one who thought their employee was disrespectful about not getting paid twice.

  41. EvilQueenRegina*

    The guy who fired someone whose mother had just died, and the HR rep didn’t think he should be a manager any more.

  42. ThinMint*

    If we’ve emailed an update on the original email we had sent, (a few months ago) should we email fresh with update in the title instead?

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Yes, please, to make sure I have it! (If you can indicate you’re resending, that helps too so I don’t accidentally print it twice; there are usually so many in December that it can be hard to spot that otherwise.)

  43. Detective Amy Santiago*

    My white whale of updates – https://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/jane-has-lost-her-mind.html

    And I was smart this year and started bookmarking ones I wanted updates on, so have a list of links:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/04/hr-questioned-me-for-hours-about-a-sex-injury.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/my-ex-boss-is-using-my-firing-as-content-for-her-company-social-media-pages.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/my-new-office-has-a-no-humor-policy.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/my-trust-fund-coworker-bullies-staff-for-being-poor.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/my-employee-lies-to-me-about-things-he-just-said-30-seconds-ago.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/09/my-employee-sent-me-a-letter-of-intent-to-look-for-another-job.html

    And I know we got an update to this one, but I’d love to know how LW’s wedding went – https://www.askamanager.org/2021/09/a-coworker-prayed-for-my-fiances-death-so-we-didnt-invite-her-to-our-wedding.html

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Yes – I want to know how things are going in the “intent to flounce” University. That guy just seemed so out of touch with reality.

      1. Intent to Flounce Update*

        It calmed down for a bit but recently ramped back up to new heights of weird. I’m composing a pretty long update to send to Allyson.

  44. Bored IT Guy*

    I know there was 1 update, but it’d be cool to get a “several years later” update to the Duck Club email

    1. Candi*

      I still wonder if that was the employees going Trunchbull on the OP. The part where Matilda points out that to get away with stuff, pull really, really crazy stuff. Make it sound so insane no one would believe OP when she reported.

  45. Avedoi Marek (she/her)*

    Please Please Please, an update on the adjunct lecturer who demanded a “big fancy title” and a salary on par with the Dean’s!!

    1. Candi*

      “Intent to Flounce Update” is working on said update, according to a comment of theirs on this page.

      (We need to collect popcorn and appropriate alternate snacks.)

  46. NotMy(Fancy)RealName*

    I’d like to hear from the Department Chair whose lecturer changed a class from online asynchronous to in person and also wanted a “fancy” endowed chair (among other insanity).

  47. generic_username*

    I’m honestly in the comments section to be reminded of all of the crazy letters that have come in over the past few months/years. So entertaining to remember some of these and see the ones I’ve missed!

  48. Researcher.*

    Writer who “burned [a bridge], then dynamited the remains, then salted the surrounding earth”

    1. PrincessFlyingHedgehog*

      I think about this one a lot! So beautifully executed, but I understand why the OP wanted everything to die down.

    2. Candi*

      Yes! I want to hear how he’s rocking it, and if the company he left has crashed and burned. (Nepotism has a bad habit of causing that.)

  49. Chas Chip*

    Would love an update to the “my dad is dating my boss and they want me to go to therapy with them” post.

  50. Red*

    Gosh I have a list of ones I’d love an update on:
    The Covid Coordinator who thought Covid was a hoax. Did OP push back??
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/08/employee-is-taking-free-snacks-parks-and-rec-vs-the-office-and-more.html
    The ‘Unprofessional’ Joke being used against OP a year later, did OP address it with their manager?
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/my-boss-objects-to-a-joke-i-made-a-year-ago-employers-who-freak-out-when-you-turn-down-a-job-and-more.html
    The OP who was asked to share their bra and underwear sizes with the whole team, did they? Did they push back?
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/were-asked-to-share-our-bra-and-underwear-sizes-with-the-team-crawling-at-work-and-more.html
    The job applicant who was asked to rank if torturing a person was worse than prostitution, did they get the job? Did they get an interview where they explained what was up with the test?
    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/02/a-job-application-asked-me-to-rank-if-torturing-a-person-was-worse-than-prostitution.html
    The boss who uses FB photos without permission, did OP address it with the boss and get them to stop at least with them?
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/coworker-loves-to-abuse-robocallers-boss-uses-facebook-photos-without-permission-and-more.html

    1. Candi*

      Setting aside how wrong it is to ask that question in the first place outside of very narrow circumstances (shooting the bull with friends, legal debates), I’d list torture as worse, since a person can choose to enter the trade*, but no one has a choice about being tortured.

      (Safe, sane, consensual, legal-physical-mental adults, _no_ exploitation, and I’ll go over there and mind my own business.)

  51. EvilQueenRegina*

    The boss who wanted OP’s husband to come in for a telling off, after the boss wouldn’t let OP leave to be with a sick child and the husband called to confront the boss.

    The boss who had the new man who was an oil worker and OP suspected a catfish.

  52. Mona-Lisa Saperstein*

    Boss of Laura and Miranda, I would love an update on how you are doing now that you’ve had some distance from the situation!

  53. Where’s the Orchestra?*

    Would love to hear back from:
    1) Intent to Flounce (the university lecturer who was demanding crazy things and generally causing havoc)
    2) Jane has lost her Mind (the admin who was taking “sexy/naked photos in the office)
    3) My Team keeps driving off the new coworker (where someone had died and the replacements were being driven away by the remaining team)
    4) The boss who was crashing Chemo Treatments
    5) Liver Boss (or any boss wanting an organ donation)

    Sorry I don’t have links – the joys of posting from a phone.

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      I just thought of two more, we had initial updates for these – but I’d love another one from now.

      1)Spicy Food Thief
      2) Guacamole Bob

    2. LCH*

      same on Intent to Flounce. I thought maybe there was an update in the comments because the LW was so active there, but I’d love to hear a full update!

  54. Expelliarmus*

    Some stories I’m interested for updates on:

    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/i-exposed-myself-at-work-because-my-coworkers-didnt-believe-i-had-cancer.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/04/my-brother-broke-up-with-our-coworker-its-causing-drama-and-i-want-to-intervene.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/i-had-a-meltdown-during-an-office-welcome-back-party-in-my-honor.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworkers-have-a-crush-on-my-boss-and-are-taking-it-out-on-me.html

  55. Wowee*

    I’m always hoping we’ll get a (second) update from the “I didn’t get a job because I was a bully in high school” LW

    1. Adara*

      Oh, same! I think about her sometimes and I really hope she was able to get into her chosen field.

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Yes – it would be nice to know if they got a resolution and closure after the coworker’s death.

    2. Expelliarmus*

      On that note, I wonder what happened to the new mom OP who left her company before maternity leave and was told by her boss that a board at work chipped in to get her a gift but she never got it?

  56. Ginny Weasley*

    I keep a sticky note on my desktop with a list of updates I need. So far it says: TURTLES and “the boss who said greeting cards are sexual.”

      1. Ginny Weasley*

        It’s one of those computer program sticky notes, so I have to open the app to see it. Considering I teach elementary school, it seemed the safest way to go about it.

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Yes – was the framed employee ever made whole? And while the framing co-worker was being abused – was there ever an attempt made to get them to understand just how horrible to their coworker they were?

    2. Goldfish*

      I also really want an update on this one! I can’t imagine being the innocent framed coworker in this and just seeing your life spiral out of control over somebody elses lie!

    1. OlympiasEpiriot*

      Which one? The mystery masturbator in the restrooms? The guy in his glasses-in office recently? Another?

  57. Random name here*

    I’d like to hear from the recent letter about overworking junior staff. Considering how timely the letter is, I’m curious to see if they actually learned the lesson.

    1. Candi*

      According to a comment higher up on this page, that OP 1) commented in the comment section and 2) doubled down.

  58. Xenia*

    As we approach the end of the year and bring on the Worst Boss awards, I would like to propose categories.

    1. Terrible corporate policy
    2. Boss who is bad at being a boss
    3. Boss who is maybe insane

    Where #2 is the people like the one who couldn’t figure out why his report was unhappy with not being paid, and #3 is people like the one who tried to get his employees to film a sex tape.

  59. Librarian Liz*

    I want to know what happened to the girl who didn’t get a job because she was a bully in high school.

    1. Belle of the Midwest*

      Yes, there was an update. . .and the girl actually ended up making things worse for herself. I have always hoped that after some much-needed soul-searching and reckoning, that she’s ended up in an OK place and would let us know. I remember the comments were for the most part, as kind and firm but honest as could be.

  60. Blinx*

    I’ve so enjoyed reading the updates throughout the year — the highlight of any week! But there’s been such an onslaught of over the top situations that I want to mark SO many letters “please can we get an update on this one?” Can’t wait for the next batch!

    1. Hlao-roo*

      I haven’t come across that letter before when I’ve been poking around the archives, but I second a call for an update on that one! (And your math looks good to me)

    2. why do I simultaneously feel so old and so young*

      I was 17 in 2009 and I’m 29 now. The math looks good to me.

  61. DrSalty*

    How about that letter about the department chair whose temporary employee was demanding a tenure track position be created for him?

  62. Owls n Ducks*

    What has happened to I Used to Work on a Hellmouth? I followed the saga through the Friday comment thread, but I’d love to know where they are now.

    1. Kelly White*

      I just typed almost this same thing-

      I know things got better, but it’s been a while and I’m hoping things are still good!

    2. quill*

      I don’t think Hellmouth has posted recently, though I could be wrong. IIrc there are no more property management hellmouths at hand for them though.

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        I’ve seen her from time to time when a letter involves property management or particularly freaky events.
        Some days I wish I could channel her positive attitude. I think I would have been broken by the Hellmouth.

    3. Hlao-roo*

      I linked the update from June 2021 in a different comment, and per that update she made it out of property management and into HR (where she wanted to be).

    1. Candi*

      That guy was one of the most compassionate people on the planet, and I liked how he did everything to put power in her hands.

  63. STEM Prof*

    Here’s a few I’m interested in:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2019/08/my-new-employee-ran-a-background-check-on-me-and-asked-me-about-what-he-found.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/04/my-new-coworker-cant-handle-our-new-agey-woo-environment.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/07/my-coworker-dumps-emotions-all-over-us-and-wants-to-be-coddled.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/05/my-office-is-doing-circle-work-with-offerings-to-the-ancestors-and-lots-of-talk-about-feelings.html

  64. MuseumChick*

    It’s very unlikely but I’d love an update from the person who wrote in because their office had extreme language/communication requirements.

    1. Paris Geller*

      YES
      Also the post that made me realize I STILL have no idea what a project manager does.
      It’s been explained several times in the comments so I know the information is there, I could recite you the definition people gave, but I still don’t UNDERSTAND it.

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        You know the phrase “not my circus not my monkeys”? A Project Manager is brought in to keep someone else’s monkeys performing efficiently in someone else’s circus.
        Their job is to manage between groups and coordinate tasks between functions so that there is little downtime, little rework, and target dates are met.
        And they usually do it without any hire/fire authority.
        It’s a thankless job, so thank your project manager if they’re doing a good job!

        1. Seeking Second Childhood*

          The project manager is also the person who is supposed to look at the plan of action from all the different groups and say “No, Fergus, you need to paint the walls BEFORE Jane installs the carpet.” Or “Jane, please schedule your group to start a day later than you have planned, because the paint needs time to dry.
          And do it without upsetting anyone.

          1. Paris Geller*

            This has been the most useful explanation for me so far, so thank you! See, when its’ explained it’s a job I think I would actually be pretty good at. . . until I get to this part: “And do it without upsetting anyone.”. Thankless indeed!

      2. Analytical Tree Hugger*

        I *am* a project manager and there are too many days that I can’t explain my job /facepalm

        It can be a difficult job to explain, parly because it’s a job that should be low visibility, but most people realize it’s value when it’s gone (i.e., people only notice me when things are going wrong, which probably means I screwed up).

      3. Librarian of SHIELD*

        I feel like a project manager is like a stage manager in a theater.

        If I’m an actor in a play, I have to know my lines, when to enter and exit, which lights to stand under for which scenes, and which props I need. The other actors have to know all of their lines, entrances, lighting cues, etc. We’re each responsible for our small piece of making the play come out right. But the stage manager is in charge of the big picture. She knows EVERYBODY’s entrances and exits and lighting cues and props and scenery changes, and she makes sure everyone’s where they need to be when they need to be there. That’s a project manager. The one who keeps track of the big picture while everybody else is doing their own part.

    2. Candi*

      I really appreciated that post when class started. My UX Design class has to do a (real, unpaid) project over the 10 weeks of class, and team members have to include a technical writer (waves), a designer, a developer, and a project manager. I’ve been using the information from that post to help our project manager know what he’s supposed to DO.

      We actually have two technical writers. The other guy is doing the documentation of the process while I’m handling the UX writing, since I’m the one who took the class in that.

      (No, I have no clue why the IT degree includes user design or writing, or the system analysis class. I keep forgetting to ask for thoughts on why on Friday open threads..)

  65. WannaKnowPlz*

    I’ll just go ahead and second/third/fourth all of the above. Here are some that might not have been mentioned above–or I may have missed them. Some are older, but would still love to hear updates:

    **my new office has a no-humor policy (https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/my-new-office-has-a-no-humor-policy.html)

    **my boss tells weird lies about all of us (https://www.askamanager.org/2020/10/my-boss-tells-weird-lies-about-all-of-us.html)

    **Recommending a former coworker who left on bad terms (#2 at the link: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/01/hiring-someone-for-a-job-that-might-change-soon-recommending-a-former-coworker-who-left-on-bad-terms-and-more.html)

    **a 3-day camping trip for work, taking time off after a break-up, and more (#1 at the link: https://www.askamanager.org/2018/04/a-3-day-camping-trip-for-work-taking-time-off-after-a-break-up-and-more.html

    **my manager stole a family heirloom from me and gave it as a gift to someone else (aka: the caboose story: https://www.askamanager.org/2016/08/my-manager-stole-a-family-heirloom-from-me-and-gave-it-as-a-gift-to-someone-else.html)

    **my manager spent the money from an office collection on herself (This is re-e-e-eally old–2013–but I so want to know what happened: https://www.askamanager.org/2013/09/my-manager-spent-the-money-from-an-office-collection-on-herself.html)

    **I don’t have enough work for my employees and it’s stressing me out (Did they end up giving their employees beaucoup vacation days?? And if so, where can we all apply?? https://www.askamanager.org/2018/07/i-dont-have-enough-work-for-my-employees-and-its-stressing-me-out.html

    **interviewer said if you get a raise, the workload will go up for the entire team (https://www.askamanager.org/2019/08/interviewer-said-if-you-get-a-raise-the-workload-will-go-up-for-the-entire-team.html)

    **Did I accept an offer the company meant to withdraw? (Another older one–2016–but I felt so tense as I read it, wondering about how the new job would go after such a weird, tense launch, that I’d love to hear an update. #2 at the link: I’m not allowed to buy my own office chair, did I accept an offer the company meant to withdraw, and more)

  66. Dark Macadamia*

    The LW who received unsolicited career advice from an “Oscar winner” (he had a small support role on a winning documentary and NO other relevant experience) – Did she end up responding? Did he continue trying to mentor her?

      1. LukaTheWolfdog*

        Yes, I want to know if anything happened with the woman whose boss won’t acknowledge her! So bizarre.

    1. EvilQueenRegina*

      I think the shortest and most to the point is actually the cheap ass rolls, but that’s probably second!

  67. Aphrodite*

    Some of these are truly unforgetable but the one I remember most is that of the woman who had a one-night affair with her boss. She became pregnant. Her boss’s wife filed for divorce, the OP had to go into court, and the wife ended up taking nearly everything from the husband. The OP was still working at her job when the wife got a higher position there. The wife was asked by HR what department out of two she wanted to manage and because she had run into the OP near the elevator, knew and chose the OP’s department. It was agonizing but the OP ended up quitting when the wife’s new boss and HR let the OP know they were supporting the wife. (The wife is apparently excellent at her job because she later won some kind of award.) The OP left and both she and the now-ex-husband were working in retail, though not at the same place. The OP maintained an open line so the husband could always see his child but as far as I know they are not in a relationship themselves.

    What really touched me was the OP’s kindness. She relayed fact without bitterness, took responsibility for her actions and was doing the best she could. Her story really, really touched me. She may just want to forget it and move on–and who could blame her?–but if she still reads here I would love to send her my very best wishes for her and her child and ask her if she’d be willing to provide an update.

    1. Puppet*

      Funny how differently two people read same story. I saw no kindness in those stories, just pure manipulation to make herself look better. Even those vague “I know I did wrong!” are just a tactic to appear self-aware. Discontent that the wronged wife took many assets in the divorce (that LW was hoping to get for her kid), the fact that she had ZERO positive references from previous three workplaces, expectation that HR takes her side versus the wife; come on, these are too many coincidences. I see a bully whose tactic finally misfired.

      1. Candi*

        You missed the comments from the OP then on the relevant posts.

        The issue with the previous references had to do with the wife knowing people at those places and using her influence to tank OP’s references. She kept going after OP, and occasionally the husband, over and over and over, taking positions and influencing people to hurt them again and again.

        Whatever you think of OP’s actions, morally, ethically, the woman went too far for revenge. Destroying someone’s life, repeatedly, for months and years after the fact, to get back at them for sleeping with your husband, is wrong. Full stop. It’s vicious, cruel, and speaks of an obsessive mind.

        I speak as a woman who was cheated on multiple times, and found out about children with other woman after the fact. My way of handling the situation was to walk away -vengeance would gain me nothing, and allow him and the women to live rent-free in my head.

        1. sunny-dee*

          And it was largely based on the assumptions of the LW. 90% of the “attacks” were against the husband, who was flaking on the divorce settlement, and the OP was bitter that she didn’t have access to more money for her kid. The wife had nothing to do with the OP getting fired from her first job, and the OP quit her second when she asked for a transfer and HR was like “nah, we actually don’t care about you that much.” The wife didn’t have anything to do with her current workplace not valuing her.

          The assumption that the wife spent years designing her (successful) career to one day be in a merger where she could manage the OP is farfetched, and I don’t think the wife was the crazy one.

        2. Puppet*

          And you seem to have missed the comments from lawyers specialized in divorces who were pointing out holes in Rachel’s story related to the divorce settlement. They were eaten alive in the comments because the commenters were so invested in Rachel’s victimhood. She is in no way a reliable narrator. Even – and it’s a big even – the wife really had contacted previous managers, what about colleagues? Everybody was bribed? Everybody was bad and only Rachel good? Maybe instead of creating a whole spy story with a criminal mastermind having her tentacles in every company in the area, let’s take the Ockham’s razor: that Rachel never had a good story with people wherever she was and it paid off negatively.

          Maybe the wife was indeed too vindictive, but it’s extremely self-centered to believe and claim that somebody plans their whole life and career with us in mind. Absolutely every single detail and comment from Rachel screamed “manipulation”. She was like Laura from the Laura and Miranda post, enjoying screwing people until the life screwed her and she had nobody because of all the burned bridges.

      2. Lotus*

        I was about to say the same thing! How exactly was the OP “kind”?? Just because she was the victim of another bat-crazy women doesn’t automatically make her virtuous.

  68. Rabbit*

    A whole list below but really seconding the sentiment that any update is a good update

    I really want an update from the one where an employee took photos of their coworker’s stoma bag and shared them around including to clients and vendors
    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/01/employee-sent-out-photos-of-a-coworkers-stoma-bag-what-should-i-do.html

    I know it’s unlikely but would also like a further update from the person who went way overboard on sorting out the office recycling
    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/06/update-im-in-trouble-for-re-sorting-a-coworkers-trash-and-im-enraged.html

    A big list from a quick browse through the archives:

    Letter 1 here – and really any letter from the early days of the pandemic, just to see what has changed and how it all turned out https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/can-my-company-make-me-stay-home-with-a-cold-leaving-a-job-for-grad-school-and-more.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-coworkers-have-a-crush-on-my-boss-and-are-taking-it-out-on-me.html

    A further update to this one https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/update-i-resist-pressure-to-work-long-hours-but-my-coworkers-dont.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/i-think-my-coworker-is-lying-about-having-a-sick-kid.html

    #1 & 2 here: https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/i-was-hired-as-the-expert-but-no-one-will-listen-i-accidentally-shared-a-list-of-my-personal-debts-with-my-team-and-more.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/why-cant-you-contact-your-spouses-employer-to-advocate-for-them.html
    #1 here https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/will-employers-care-ive-been-venting-on-twitter-i-got-confronted-about-anonymous-feedback-and-more.html
    #1 here https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/my-fiancee-forged-me-a-doctors-note-food-perks-when-working-from-home-and-more.html
    #1 here https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/i-overheard-a-horrible-fight-on-a-web-conference-the-missing-chocolate-egg-and-more.html

    I don’t know if we can get updates to the ones pulished elsewhere but I really felt for this person https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/im-so-lonely-but-how-can-i-ask-more-of-my-coworkers-right-now.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/my-awful-coworker-put-us-through-something-traumatic-and-now-shes-coming-back-to-work.html
    #1 here https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/company-is-trying-to-find-out-whose-spouse-has-cancer-answering-the-phone-when-job-searching-and-more.html
    #1 here https://www.askamanager.org/2020/05/my-boyfriend-pretended-to-be-a-doctor-i-called-a-coworker-a-moron-and-more.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/my-coworker-accidentally-fractured-my-arm.html
    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/05/when-can-managers-expect-employees-to-adjust-to-the-new-normal.html
    #1 https://www.askamanager.org/2020/05/coworker-says-i-dont-respond-to-his-emails-a-bizarre-company-survey-and-more.html

    1. EvilQueenRegina*

      I think there was an update in the comments to the guy with the sick kid – if I remember correctly he was no longer working there and everyone who donated their PTO to him got it back with an explanation that it had been “donated in error”.

  69. Rabbit*

    I think my comment might have been held up because of just how many links I pasted in but I really want an update to the one where someone took a secret photo of their colleague’s stoma bag and shared it around

    1. strong&wild*

      The OP made it clear in the comments there will never be an update because the commentariot accused them of things that didn’t happen, and blamed them for things they couldn’t control.

  70. Typing All The Time*

    I always wondered about the financial person who got falsely accused of illegal accounting measures because a worker was trying to get away from her abusive husband. I hope both of these people are okay.

  71. Slinky*

    I have a few! I’d love to see an update of the “coworker accidentally sent me a recording making fun of me” post from earlier today. I really want to see how that turns out! I’d also like an update to “Manager set up a secret email using my name) (#1 at https://www.askamanager.org/2021/05/my-boss-set-up-a-secret-email-with-my-name-coworker-keeps-gushing-over-her-married-crush-and-more.html) and “Friend’s ex won’t stop harassing her at work” (#2 at https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/what-do-i-do-if-i-cant-find-child-care-hr-asked-if-im-job-searching-and-more.html)

  72. Goody*

    I frequently read letters to my dad, and he wants to know if the antique train toy was ever returned to it’s rightful owner.

  73. Updates make the world go ‘round*

    Ooo updates! I’d like one from the amazing manager who so beautifully handled the situation where his employee had been terribly harmed by the manager’s family. Did the employee stay? Quit? Is she doing ok? I would put the link but i don’t know how to find old posts. Could someone explain how? Thanks.

    1. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Finding an old post takes patience to scroll through the index, or a bit of web-search. Search on “askamanager.org” +”a phrase you remember” (eg “leap year birthday”) Or askamanager.org + a string of related terms.
      Sometimes it works better for me than others.

  74. The Readers Attacked Me for No Reason*

    I’m just curious why some of the updates that have been sent, never get posted…and yes I mean mine, and yes, I know others have said the same thing.

    1. n24 on the block*

      She has said in the past that she always has a small backlog. But I imagine she uses editorial discretion too. I don’t think any site would print every single thing that gets submitted.

    2. TS*

      I sent my update back in like June and it only just got posted a couple of days ago. If it’s only been a few months, she probably just has a backlog she works from

  75. Amie*

    I can’t find it to link it but in one of the Friday good news a few months ago there was a woman who had lost her job just as the pandemic was starting. She took a job waiting tables because that was the only work she could get at the time. She applied for everything and worked her butt off. She indicated she joked about just needing to make it until her son turned 18. She had just accepted a position that didn’t put her back where she was, but was an improvement. I think about her frequently and hope her life has changed for the better and is no long just holding on. LW if you see this, your story touched me. Best wishes.

  76. Delta Delta*

    I very often think about the letter with the woman who got pushed into the street and got hit by a car. I think there was an update at one point but I sort of wonder if anything else happened.

    1. Romeo Delight*

      I think I remember that. Wasn’t it something to do with someone being afraid of birds that caused it?

      1. Candi*

        Severe bird phobia that wasn’t responding to “Jack’s” current therapy.

        What irritated a lot of commentators was the OP didn’t even make fake sympathetic noises at the woman who was hit -it was all “how can I convince her to come back she has important projects in the pipeline!” and “Jack” wasn’t presented as any better.

        Mental illness usually gets sympathy around here, although there will also be firmness about trying to manage it to minimize harm to the person and others. But lack of compassion, of empathy, of care will get the writer constructively, patiently, firmly pilloried.

        1. Puppet*

          Yes, I remember that. Jack had no issue with settling things with the driver whose car he’d damaged, but never bothered to offer anything to the woman he had harmed. Jack was also not interested in any form of therapy and both the company, the LW, and many people in the comments were convinced that his condition should be fully accommodated, even if there are victims among civilians. Anxiety is a magical word in this world.

  77. Alcott*

    https://www.askamanager.org/2018/01/my-coworker-had-an-affair-with-a-colleagues-husband-and-now-is-treating-her-badly-at-work.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/03/my-employee-refuses-to-use-her-coworkers-correct-pronouns.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2020/06/were-supposed-to-forfeit-all-our-vacation-days-if-weve-worked-from-home.html

    https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/should-i-leave-my-family-business.html

    This one’s old, but I’m curious a out how things played out post-time off. Did flaky cw show up?
    https://www.askamanager.org/2014/02/our-time-off-is-being-rescinded-hunger-games-style.html

  78. Living for the Drama*

    Literally anyone who wrote in about someone else only to be called out by Allison for their own bad behavior.

    *shares popcorn*

  79. Martin Blackwood*

    I’d like an update to “my coworkers have a crush on my boss … and are taking it out on me” from March 2020! Those coworkers were being so gross and I need to see how Dave reacted

  80. raven*

    I definitely need to hear what happened with “Cheap-ass rolls” and the woman who was a bully in high school!

  81. NoYouFirst*

    Is there an age limit on these? I would LOVE to know what happened to the OP from 2016 whose boss stole a small model train from her desk and apparently regifted it…

    1. Expelliarmus*

      I don’t think so! I remember an OP supplied an update to a post where she was talking about her 11-year-old son (or daughter, not completely sure) and at the time the update was published, the son was 18ish.

  82. Too old for this*

    I want to know if the person whose boss stoleand then gave away their grandfather’s locomotive.

  83. Clare*

    Please can we have an update on the manager who refused to let her report take time off for graduation? That one haunts me

  84. Fifikinz*

    I would love an update from the person whose manager stole her grandfather’s antique caboose and gave it to someone else as a Christmas gift.

  85. Fifikinz*

    I would love an update from the person whose manager stole her grandfather’s antique caboose and gave it to someone else as a Christmas gift.

  86. Chocolate Teapot*

    I know we had an update, but how are the people getting on who resigned from their jobs, after the boss found a memo saying there would be redundancies, only for this not to be the case?

  87. RabidChild*

    Would love an update from the woman accused of having an affair with her own husband, who happened to work in another department. I believe their co-worker (another woman?) was pointing out it looked “untoward” for her to be lunching with a married man.

  88. Stackson*

    I requested this in the summer session, but I’d love to see an update from the person whose coworker asks her to google things and treats her like her assistant!

  89. Cookienay*

    I’d love to hear an update about the missing caboose as well! And about the team who drove away anyone who replaced their dead coworker.
    These were so bizarre!!

  90. Simone*

    I am so freaked out (but also excited) that it’s update season again already!! Where did the year go!!!????

  91. Candi*

    I stumbled on this one from reddit a couple of weeks ago and I would really like to know what happened to this person. There was a lot of frustration in the comments and the update was bad to worse. I was bullied for 10 years in a small town school and I don’t like bullies, but I also know what it’s like when you feel like life is handing you a beat down. LW kind of got one whether it was her own fault or not, and I’d like to know if she’s OK.

    https://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-didnt-get-a-job-because-i-was-a-bully-in-high-school.html

  92. Other Duties as Assigned*

    Here’s an old one, from the Open Thread of March 24-25, 2017. I’ve always wanted to hear an update about the irritating intern who’d go off on tangents (excited about electric staplers, didn’t know people could have naturally curly hair, thought snakes were descended from aliens, &c).

    I had a lot of sympathy for the LW and their coworkers and I wonder what ever happened to this intern.

  93. Former Mailroom Clerk*

    Thought of one that I’d like an update on … “Go Get your Dog” (I know they’ve updated before, but just wanted to check in on how they’re doing)

  94. Jean Pargetter Hardcastle*

    I’d like an update from the writer whose husband didn’t want them to go to Vegas (https://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/my-husband-doesnt-want-me-to-go-on-a-business-trip-to-vegas.html) and the person who had reconciled with an abusive partner and wanted to bring them to work events (https://www.askamanager.org/2017/02/my-coworkers-know-ive-been-in-a-volatile-possibly-abusive-relationship-can-i-bring-my-fiance-to-work-events.html). I hope everyone involved is healthy and happy.

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