the snowflake dance, the infuriating elves, and other stories of holiday madness at work

by Alison Green on December 22, 2022

Here are 10 of my favorite stories you shared about holidays at work earlier this month.

1. The snowflake dance

“I work for a large publicly traded company and during one Christmas party there was a game where people wore a Kleenex box as a fanny pack and had to twerk out all of the snowflakes that were inside. The person with the fewest snowflakes left was the winner. The CFO, who was present for the party but not paying attention, was visibly none too pleased as he stood next to others and finally figured out what he was going to have to do. The Christmas miracle was that once his discomfort was over, he had like 100% commitment and just twerked like his life was on the line. He won. After the party another executive went around and extracted promises that none of the videos taken would be released, though I can’t help but think it would’ve bumped share price up a little.”

2. The engineers

“I love the engineering department at my old job for being The Most Engineers.

Their holiday gift exchange is: everyone who wishes to participate brings a $15 gift card. The gift cards are placed in a bowl. Everyone removes one (1) gift card. End of exchange.

Last year they had a festive holiday presentation on environmental compliance policies because ‘everyone’s already in the same room.’ The compliance people put some holly on the first page of the PowerPoint.”

3. The elves

“Our office did Elf on a Shelf last year to determine who worked the holidays and who didn’t. The office had always closed for a week at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year with pay but the brass had decided they wanted people working in office during the holidays. Instead of telling us months in advance so we could mitigate our plans and come up with a fair way to distribute work and time off, they told us the week after Thanksgiving and thought it would be fun to get a bunch of those creepy Elf on a Shelf things, put them in every department and have the ‘Elf’ decide who works.

Every morning we’d get a company wide email from different department ‘Elves’ narcing on people and whoever has the most Elf ‘demerits’ had to come in over the holidays. Technically the managers were the ‘elves’ in this scenario so as a manager I got stuck with a lot of rightly angry staff.

Demerits had nothing to do with performance. Other managers chose things like ‘being late,’ ‘not enough holiday cheer,’ or ‘Sara wore blue and Elfie hates blue!’ Deadass serious. We’d get dinged as a department for not having the most creative elf scene. Other departments made a huge mess with powdered sugar and ketchup of all things trying to make an ‘elf scene’ so after maintenance gave us all a slap on the wrist I told HR I wasn’t making my staff participate because they all had plans in place for months and that this whole thing was weird and exclusionary to our staff who didn’t celebrate the holiday and I was not making my staff come in unless they volunteered. To be honest, I was very angry about the whole thing. I had people in tears in my office daily, and one of my best employees came to me and very politely and professionally explained that this was a final straw for her and she would be looking elsewhere.

Apparently I wasn’t the only manager to protest this because HR sheepishly admitted everyone was getting the holidays off anyway and that ‘Santa’ was going to email us all with the surprise later in December but it was such a disaster they were going to pull the plug on it. They just wanted to raise morale, I guess.

They nixed it, to everyone’s relief. My best employee stayed for a while but left on much better terms. Our department kept the Elf. They named him F*ckface (which I allow so long as we keep it chill) and blame him for errors and system outages. This year FF lives in a tissue box turned outhouse in the supply closet and comes out on staff work anniversaries. So it did raise morale, just not how they thought.”

4. The pager number

“In high school I worked for the company my dad owned. I had a few drinks at the holiday party and ended up making out a bit with one of the warehouse guys who, as it turned out was married with kids. Oops. I was fairly certain he didn’t know I was the owner’s daughter. When he asked for my number later on that night, I gave him my dad’s pager number. He quit a few weeks later.”

5. The subpar party

“Many years ago, my boss at the time decided to invite the whole team (plus spouses and children) to his house for a Christmas party. And just us – no one else.

Now, you have to understand – the boss was one of those guys that exuded both ‘rugged country man’s man’ and ‘enough money to have fancy things,’ like some sort of discount Tim McGraw. He was managing a team of programmers. Which is not to say anything negative about myself and other programmers, but… well, the closest any of us got to ‘rugged country’ was ‘having a back yard.’

So we show up at his home – in a pretty nice subdivision in a fairly rich town – with our spouses, and a few kids, for this Christmas party. And it was … well … Ever been in a room with six introverts and a taciturn man’s man who all know each other from work but don’t really socialize outside of work, a pack of kids who don’t know each other but at least there’s Xbox, and a group of spouses who don’t know each other at all, one of whom is trying to keep socializing going because it’s her house and her husband is failing at being a warm and welcoming host? For a Christmas party in a big house with minimalist spotless furniture and holiday decorations to suit, with the adults standing around the kitchen counter and breakfast nook table idly picking at overly fancy snack foods and trying to make small talk?

Yeah. It was like we’d all forgotten how to Human. You couldn’t cut the awkwardness with a knife, but only because we were being suffocated by it.

Eventually, one of our more extroverted coworkers had to leave to take their kids somewhere and started making apologies. That opened the floodgates. Simultaneously, and without consulting each other, all of the rest of us programmers and our families ALL said our goodbyes and fled the scene like the house was on fire.

…The next year, the boss ordered pizza and made us watch ‘A Christmas Story’ in a conference room instead.”

6. The baby boom

“My former company had a fancy dinner at a hotel party with an open bar. It was a great event. Many people got hotel rooms but my spouse and I went home. I must have missed something because HR sent out an email saying that in the future there would be a two drink limit, beer and wine only, no shots or hard liquor.

And as a side note, almost exactly 9 months later there was a minor baby boom in the company.”

7. The ex

“We had an employee RSVP to our Christmas party for himself and his longtime girlfriend. They broke up a few days before the party, and he let us know in he was not going to be attending the party after all because he was too upset over the breakup. Imagine our surprise when his now ex-girlfriend showed up at the party anyway! Our boss didn’t want to make a scene so she let her stay.

The ex-girlfriend proceeded to get very drunk. During the gift exchange, she grabbed a gift that had been set aside for the owners of the company. Let’s say we sell teapots, and this gift was a teapot that the staff had spent time covering with photos and memorabilia and signatures. It was not a useful item – it no longer was a functioning teapot, it was very clearly a sentimental and personal gift and was nowhere near the gift exchange pile but the ex-girlfriend found it, claimed it, and refused to give it up. The staff were upset, the owners were upset, and the employee that orchestrated the creation of said teapot was in tears. Someone messaged her ex, our employee, to see if he could help but he was just upset that we let the ex-girlfriend stay and he didn’t want to get involved. People were trying to trade gifts with her, but she would not give up the teapot until she was bribed with cash to do so – the staff took up a collection and gave her $100 to buy our gift back. She stayed for the rest of the party (which wasn’t long because the mood had been ruined at that point) and then drunkenly staggered out of our lives and into company legend.”

8. The stickers

“Every year, at my company holiday party, they place a sticker under one chair at each table. If you happen to be the lucky person sitting in the sticker chair, you get to take home the centerpiece! Wow! Except no one ever wants the centerpieces, and people tend to say they don’t have the sticker even if they do. (They’re lovely, but large, and not convenient to haul around the after party and public transportation.)

Toward the end of the party, if it seems like no one is leaving with the centerpiece from each table, the CEO will go around and start identifying the lucky new owner of each centerpiece. There is a polite but forceful questioning if you decline.

People tuned in to the sticker situation and started pre-inspecting their seats so as to choose one without a sticker. But! The planning team caught wind of this, and there were no stickers under chairs this year. We became hopeful! Perhaps this year the awkward centerpiece hot potato dance could be avoided! Sadly, we were fooled—after his remarks, the CEO proudly announced the stickers were under the plates instead!”

9. The playing cards

“My husband worked at a tech company just evolving beyond startup stage, and one year as part of the holiday gifts, they printed up company-branded decks of playing cards. Seems pretty innocuous, right? EXCEPT. They had the cute idea to use headshots of senior leadership for the face cards in the deck, broken out by gender and seniority. So they had four C-Suite men as the Aces, four VPs for Kings, four more high-ranking men as the Jacks… then apparently they couldn’t even come up with four women in any leadership role at all, so two of the Queens cards were just left BLANK.

Oh, and the best part is they printed the headshots on the BACKS of the cards, so the deck isn’t even actually usable or playable. I still have it somewhere, though, for the sheer wtf of it all!”

10. The purses

“One year, my boss’ uncle had a job as a distributor for Coach (the purse company). He and the partner of the law firm decided to use the discount to get myself and our secretary Coach purses for Christmas. In order to find out what we wanted, he asked us what kind of purse we suggested for his girlfriend.

The secretary immediately printed out her favorite purse on the Coach website and gave it to him. I, however, was focused on helping him find the perfect purse for his girlfriend. So I quizzed him incessantly on the size, shape and color of his girlfriend’s current purse. He ‘didn’t know’ and kept asking me, ‘But what do YOU like?’ which I refused to answer because “purses are very personal and every woman has a preference.” Finally, I told him to look at her current purse and get her something similar in size and shape and color.

He took my advice and bought me the Coach version of my then-current purse. (I loved it!) When he gave it to me, he expressed his (comical) annoyance at me for not playing along, but then thanked me for educating him on how to buy a purse for his girlfriend. (She loved hers too! And she’s now his wife.)”

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    3. many bells down*

      I would 100% do the same. What *I* like in a purse is not necessarily what other people like (I have a lot of silly kitsch bags.)

      1. PhyllisB*

        This reminds me of the year my husband and I were on vacation around our anniversary, and knowing I needed a new purse, offered to pay for one I picked out. Well, like you said, every woman wants something different in a purse, so off we went on a mission. I ended up dragging him from one end of the mall to the other. Finally, we were at one store, (maybe the 20th one?) He picked up a purse, handed it to me, and said, “Here, buy this one!!” It was nice looking and had the features I liked, so I was about to agree until I saw the price tag. I said, “This purse is $250.00!!” (This was in the 1990’s.) He said, “I don’t care, let’s get it and go!!” No, I didn’t get the $250.00 purse. Yes, I did go back and buy the first one I looked at. Lucky for him, it only cost $35.00, and I used it for years.
        If I ever want to get a rise out of him, I just ask him if he wants to go purse shopping. :-)
        P.S. I don’t even carry a purse anymore, I have a tote bag I use on Sundays to carry my Bible and stuff, the rest of the time I just stuff my phone in my pocket and go.

    6. Elevated Learning*

      I loved that one! Also it’s a good tip for gift-buying in general. If you don’t know what to get, upgrade something they already have.

      1. WantonSeedStitch*

        I did that this year! My husband has a lot of quarter-zip pullovers, generally cheaply made ones with logos that he got for free. I wanted to get him SOMETHING that wasn’t on his wish list this year, that would be a surprise. I heard him mention that he missed a “more sweater-y” pullover he’d gotten from work once and lost. I decided to get him a nice quarter zip sweater that he can wear the same way he wears his cheap pullovers, but in situations where he wants to wear something without a logo or just something a little more dressed up (but not dressy). Here’s hoping he likes it!

      3. Michelle Smith*

        Exactly correct. I typically carry enormous bags, not because I think they look cool but because a purse that isn’t large enough to carry my lumbar support cushion isn’t useful to me 99% of the time. If someone got me a super stylish tiny bag it would just end up collecting dust in my closet.

    7. kicking-k*

      Yes, this is adorable!
      I’m glad it wasn’t me though. I have never got the hang of “real” purses and tend either to have a bike pannier or a big canvas tote. Still, the general advice the OP provided sounds spot-on!

      1. Pugetkayak*

        Me too. I have a hemp bag for when I NEED something. In the winter I keep all my cards in my coat pocket. I probably would have sold it though if I could have!

      2. KateM*

        Me, too. But I would have said “oh don’t ask me, I don’t know anything about purses, I never carry one!” and hopefully #10 boss would have gotten a hint.

    11. Cinderblock*

      I sold Coach bags and fine jewelry when I worked in retail. In my experience, lots of straight men were completely clueless when it came to buying gifts for the women in their lives. They were completely overwhelmed and tended to wait until the last minute.

      I developed the skill of asking them a lot of highly specific questions about the intended recipient and their budget (as OP #10 did) to help them narrow down their choices.

    12. paxfelis*

      Do I get my woman card revoked if I say a Coach purse (or anything high-end, really) would be wasted on me?

      1. 1LFTW*

        Nah. I’ve never carried a purse in my life. I’ve had backpacks and messenger bags, because when I Carry Stuff I need to carry *a lot* of stuff. When I don’t need to Carry Stuff, my keys go in one pocket, my phone goes in another, and ID and credit cards go in one of my back pockets.

      2. Michelle Smith*

        Nope! Plenty of women don’t carry purses. Please don’t feel invalidated! Purses are a highly gendered item as far as marketing is concerned, but they are appropriate for any gender. The converse is equally true, though it can be much harder for feminine presenting folks to pull off the no-purse life than for a lot of men because so many femme clothes don’t have pockets or have shallow ones.

      3. Amyll*

        Instead of a purse I want clothes with pockets. You can also get wallets with key rings. The wallet has a tile in it, so if I lose my wallet I can find it with my phone.

      4. Nobby Nobbs*

        Oh, I’d have so much anxiety carrying or wearing anything designer! A nice, functional purse from the annual charity yard sale is my ideal specifically because you can wear it out without guilt.

    13. E. Chauvelin*

      As a librarian who is constantly slipping into professional mode in, for example, casual conversations of FB where somebody is like “What’s something good I should read?” and starting a whole interview about what sort of things they like and are in the mood for when everybody else is going “I loved this book, you should read that,” I found that not only precious but extremely relateable.

    1. WellRed*

      Companies: never, ever fk with employees’ time off. Even as a joke. It’s not funny and it never will be. Oh, an no one likes Elf on the Shelf.

      1. Keeley Jones, The Independent Woman*

        I’m like hasn’t the novelty of that worn out? Same with fake ugly sweaters. It was funnier when you had to actually go out to Goodwill and find an unintentionally hideous sweater. I’ll be glad when both those fade into the memories of holidays past.

        1. Anna K*

          I know! I’ve seen too many people complimented on their “ugly sweaters” and watching their face fall because for them it was a nice sweater (only 3-4 times, but it really sucks to see it)

          1. Ellen H*

            I was helping out at a party and I was somewhat new to the division. I had someone ask me if I was in the ugly sweater contest. I wasn’t wearing a sweater but a pretty blouse. Find out later she was just a really mean person who enjoyed herself at others expense.

        2. Just Another Cog*

          And the dumb “ugly sweaters” for sale at every discount store. It was funny one year, but a former company had those contests every damn year. Same with the f’n elf. Who in the OP’s company would come up with such a mean spirited “joke” to play mind games with people’s expected time off? F*ckface, indeed!

          1. Just Another Cog*

            Also, this LW and the other managers in their company who stood up against this stupid idea are awesome! Way to support your team! The managers who played along with the demerit system suck as managers.

      2. Green great dragon*

        Oh my yes. Have they never planned anything in advance? Or bought a ticket for public transport?
        As someone who is happily working christmas week this week, and has therefore planned things on the basis I’ll be in the office that week, I would be so unimpressed to be suddenly told the office was shut.
        If I’d arranged to host my family, say, in the belief that I couldn’t get time off, however inconvenient for me and them, and they’d all got tickets and time off so they could join me, I would be incandescent.

        1. Zorak*

          The idea that the ‘surprise’ would raise morale only makes sense if they think of their employees as mannequins who only come to life when they step through the door of the office.

          1. Lozi*

            Yep, this one made my blood boil. It’s not even fun to do this kind of stuff to kids, and doing it to adults with their time off is heinous.
            But the purse one made me smile and lowered my blood pressure again! :-)

          3. Danish*

            Yeah, you really have to assume that your employees have two states – at work, and not at work – and no other connections or dependencies on their time, to think that you could just be like “you don’t have to come in! wait, you do! SIKE just kidding!” and expect people would find that a fun morale boosting exercise.

          4. fhqwhgads*

            The old “create the problem, then solve the problem to be considered hero” approach is never a good look.

        2. kicking-k*

          Yeah, me too. Surprise time off would probably mean I couldn’t hit non-negotiable legal deadlines, so it wouldn’t be a kindness.

        3. All Het Up About It*

          So true.
          The only “surprise” time off during the holidays should be the office closes a few hours early the day before or perhaps a random afternoon off earlier in December for some present shopping or errands. Not anything that makes employees upset that they didn’t know about before hand!

          Like even if you didn’t care or celebrate anything and were happy to work so your co-workers got time off, you might have been pissed by the “surprise” closure. Like you might have planned a random trip, or picked up a seasonal job to raise some extra funds, or numerous other things.

          It’s always amazing the disconnect that can happen between upper management and people doing the work.

          1. Pugetkayak*

            Yes, plus you may have work to finish because you didn’t realize you would be leaving early or be off. My old leadership used to do this and it was always so annoying. I could have gotten a flight early or made other plans even just a few hours difference.

          2. EPLawyer*

            The place USUALLY closed for the holidays. So people had plans for that time. THEN they announced that nope, people would have to work over the holidays based on the stupid Elf Demerits. Then when it all blew up, HR announced they were ALWAYS going to close like they usually did but this was just supposed to be fun.

            So I would be livid if I planned on having time off, changed my plans because the office wasn’t going to be closed and I might have to work, the found out that I could have done my original plans anyway.

            Don’t mess with people’s plans.

            1. I am Emily's failing memory*

              Exactly this – often there are various cutoff days where if you need to cancel something, you’ll get more money back the earlier you cancel, and I could easily see some employees making the tough choice to cancel early just in case they had to work, so they wouldn’t have to eat as much of the cost as if they waited. And then to be told “lol we were never actually going to do that, we just gave you inaccurate information – for fun!”

            2. ferrina*

              The Elf Demerits are just cruel. “You won’t get time off because you wore blue” is cartoon villain level of evil. Even if they weren’t planning on enforcing it, how was the employee supposed to know that? That’s an insane level of stress and paranoia. I’d be sending out resumes by the end of the first day.

            3. Festively Dressed Earl*

              Exactly. How is it a fun holiday surprise to threaten to take away a benefit and then announce you’re kidding? That’s like stealing someone’s car, giving it back to them, and expecting warm fuzzies.

          3. Middle Sized Manager*

            Especially because, in a lot of offices, time off doesn’t roll over. Our PTO expires at the end of the calendar year, so if I wanted the holiday off in this office, I’d have to use PTO. Then, I would learn at the last minute that I actually didn’t without any ability to use those extra days! I’d be furious!

          4. Can't Sit Still*

            We had surprise time off for Halloween afternoon this year. It was awesome! Our VP sent an email that said “I know you’ve been working hard and lots of you have family events this evening, so please take off early as your workload allows.” It was a total surprise and was a nice bonus, since there were no deadlines at the time.

          5. Michelle Smith*

            Our “surprise” closure was obviously coming, since they routinely close early before every major holiday. Even still they already emailed us about it for this week and next week well over a week ago to make sure we could plan ahead AND reminded us that the policy is that if we can’t take off early for some reason (like prior work commitments), our supervisors are required to work with us to find another day we can take 2 hours off penalty free. I love it so much!!

        4. E. Chauvelin*

          We get surprise closings-for-the-public sometimes but staff doesn’t get anything beyond the previously agreed paid holidays; you can take your own PTO for the extra closed days if you want and obviously your manager will approve it because if nobody’s coming in, they don’t have to worry about staffing levels. But if you don’t want to spend the PTO you can come in and work on whatever projects you have apart from your public facing work, or get in some online training hours. Works out pretty well for me (librarians don’t normally work much outside of open hours so it’s a rare opportunity to focus on behind the scenes stuff) although I could still imagine some upheaval if somebody planned not to travel because they thought they couldn’t get the time off when the deadline for making the requests came up a month earlier and then they found out on a week’s notice that actually they could get it now if they wanted it.

      3. Aptly_Folksy*

        Never in all my 47 years have I seen something swoop in and become a tradition as quickly as Elf on the Shelf. I’d never even heard of it until both my kids were born, so that was only 15 years ago. Our neighbor who was a teacher told us about it and got us one as a present then boom, it’s just as much a tradition as getting a tree or hanging stockings.

        1. WantonSeedStitch*

          I know, right? It certainly wasn’t a thing when I was a kid. I never heard of it until my friends started having kids. I REFUSE to participate. I don’t want my son to grow up feeling like he lives in a police state in December, and I don’t want to put the time and energy into staging the elf that I need for all the other stuff that goes on at this time of year.

          1. ferrina*

            I told my kids that the cats keep the elves out of the house- our cats would try to hunt the elves, and it would cost Santa too much in Workers’ Comp

            1. Katiekins*

              Too much in Worker’s Comp! Priceless. I love how you’re teaching your kids about the work world. It reminds me of Alison telling her nieces about COBRA. (“When I taught my nieces about this, they were young and thought there was a snake involved.”)

          2. Frickityfrack*

            I don’t have kids but I hate that stupid thing. Police state is right – why would anyone want to teach their kids that they have to be good just because there’s a snitch watching? The goal should be to be good because it’s the right thing to do, I’d think. Most of my friends are either as opposed as I am or their kids have aged out, thankfully.

          3. PhyllisB*

            We had a stuffed elf when the kids were young, I have no memory of how we acquired it. This was before the days of the trademark Elf. I would put it out at Christmas and sometimes changed its location, but it was just for fun because the kids liked seeing where he “moved” during the night, but there was none of this nonsense about elf watching you. One of our dogs got it one year and that was the end of it. I’m so glad my kids were too old by the time the Real Thing came out.

          1. Hlao-roo*

            Yes, 2005 is when the book Elf on a Shelf: A Christmas Tradition by Carol Aebersold and Chanda Bell was published and that’s when the “tradition” started.

        3. Giant Kitty*

          What’s funny is that I grew up in the 70s with the original vintage version of the Elf decoration that is now called “Elf on a Shelf”. It didn’t have any sort of “watches the kids for Santa” story attached to it, it was just a decoration my mom had from when they were originally made in the 50s or early 60s or whenever that I thought was really neat. I was really surprised when they came back as “good kid police”.

    2. Filthy Vulgar Mercenary*

      I know! To make holiday plans (which, if they include buying plane tickets, I would be doing in October) and then have to scramble to cancel them and make other arrangements (maybe my family comes to see me instead?) and THEN I get to be ‘surprised’ with finding out I get that time off anyway, after jumping through hoops to adjust?

      Yeah, my morale would be going up as I made my way out the door.

      1. Hannah Lee*

        Yeah, I can’t even imagine.

        To any manager thinking of joking or practical joking or pulling “psych!” antics on their employees ESPECIALLY irt pay or time off or their status in the company.
        DO!
        NOT!
        DO!
        THAT!

        Even if the last ball to drop / final surprise is a good one, by that point you’ll have pissed off or worried your employees to such an extent that nothing can undo the damage.

        I once had a project lead who at the end of an extremely stressful, long hours filled month called an emergency all-hands meeting the topic of which was essentially – stern face –
        “Senior Management is Seriously Disappointed in how this project is going and changes are going to be made.”

        So every single person on the team is bracing themselves for negative feedback, yelling, and possible firing all stressful freaking morning … while also having to complete a deliverable related to the project. And when we got into the meeting he said

        “Surprise! The Sr VP of Sales is here to tell you all how happy SM is with the project and that you’re all going to get a company wide award and big bonuses.”

        You have never seen 15 more angry, furious, ready to physically put hands on someone and/or burst into tears people being told they are doing a great job and getting 5-6 figure bonuses. We were all some variation of IT, Software Developer, Accounting nerd and so NOT a crew know for ragey violent outbursts or any outbursts in the workplace. But that day, we all came close. It’s been like 20 years, that company doesn’t exist in that same formation, but every time I think of that day, I still go GRRRR.

        1. Naomi*

          It’s kind of amazing how hard both your bosses and #3’s managed to shoot themselves in the foot. In both cases, they had a positive announcement that would have made everyone happy, and they managed to deliver it in a way that made everyone furious instead.

          1. Slow Gin Lizz*

            Yeah, pure and utter stupidity and cruelty on their part. I hope the person who made the elf comment gets a new and better job soon.

            1. 1LFTW*

              I really wonder about people like this. It’s like they are *only* motivated by cruelty, so they have to include a poisoned barb even when they’re doing something nice for others.

        2. Baby Yoda*

          Reminds me of a Christmas “party” old job arranged, and before the evening started we had to listen to an HR rep tell us how our new year’s insurance plan would work and how much MORE it was going to cost us all.

          Finally she revealed that oh, the company was paying the difference, not the employees, but by then the evening was ruined and we just sat and quietly ate and then slipped out.

          1. Disgruntled*

            We’ve finally switched to just calling our ‘holiday party’ an all-staff meeting and it’s mostly business with a lunch and a kinda fun activity, but this just reminded me of the time, way back when it was basically the same thing but we called it a holiday party and we had an hour and a half long presentation on an optional long-term care policy we could get. It was…not festive.

      2. Ozzac*

        Yes, I hope there were drugs or alcohol involved when making that plan. Otherwise it means the heads of the company are aliens.

      3. A 3rd Engineer*

        I laughed out loud. Only because I’m the engineer the non-engineers come to, to see if I can talk engineers into being less engineer-ish. (I can’t.)

      4. Katie*

        Me too! I’m thinking “yes, yes this is how you do a gift exchange”. I sadly don’t have the skill set to be an engineer, because maybe I have the personality of one!

      1. kicking-k*

        My office calls the departmental party “the seminar” and we do indeed have a training session on something serious as part of it. We’re not engineers though.

    2. BadWolf*

      #10 was amazing. I love that in the end, the OP was able to give extra great advice (both her bag and girlfriend’s bag).

  7. Cats and Bats Rule*

    I loved Story #2 also, but the company in #3 is one of The Worst!!! There are so many issues with their Elf idea that I don’t know where to start…..

  8. Hlao-roo*

    #9 The playing cards

    I missed this one on the original thread and …oof. Terrible decisions all around: not having more women in leadership roles, leaving two of the queens blank, and making an unusable deck of playing cards.

    1. Snarkus Aurelius*

      When I worked on Capitol Hill, I had to go to a staff meeting for one of the Committees my boss was on. I showed up to a room full of a dozen white men, and I was the only woman.

      I was senior enough and I knew my boss would agree with me when I said, “We’re Democrats. Are you all telling me that in every single one of your offices there isn’t a single woman or minority or both who holds [our job title] at all? In 2011? Bueller?”

      I initially got a bunch of blank stares until one guy said he wasn’t sure what I was talking about.

      So…yeah.

      1. Season of Joy (TM)*

        I work in ag in a rural state and while there are a few of us, we aren’t usually in the room at the same time. We held our annual project meeting and there were THREE of us in the room (out of 25 people). One of the other women came up to me and high fived me for our sheer numbers.

    2. Just a girl*

      I just learned that our woman friendly company, with majority women employees, family friendly policies and plans to open daycare, and sponsors an annual woman of the year award for the industry, has zero women of the board. This actually came up during the woman of the year presentation. But they look forward to when women are on the board. Eyeroll.

      2. Al*

        I’ve ben aware that my company is way ahead of the curve in this area, but now I’m realizing HOW MUCH. We have a female CEO and one other member of the C-suite, and 9/10 VPs are women, as are 3/4 of the board. (It’s a startup, so there are other challenges, but the culture is not one of them.)

        2. Danish*

          One day…. if we all hope and pray and try our very best… maybe we’ll be rewarded with… a woman, perhaps more than one, materializing out of the ether and joining our board. That’s the only way we can think of to get one though… how else does one find women to work positions?

      4. Michelle Smith*

        YIKES! I feel fortunate to work where I do. My office is much whiter than I’d prefer, but my team is super diverse. Out of a team of 7 or so, half of us are Black or Asian, at least two of us are queer, and both team leads are women. Our CEO is a woman as is all but one person in my supervisory chain of command. They seem to prioritize it here, at least in hiring. (Our DEIA training leaves a LOT to be desired).

      1. afiendishthingy*

        My coworker just brought this up the other day and asked how this became part of it – she says she has the elf book and there is no mess making! Just became a thing on social media? But why would parents do this?? You don’t have enough to clean already??

        1. PhyllisB*

          That’s it, a murder scene. Have you seen the posts on Facebook where chicken bones are arranged to look like a mini skeleton with a teeny Santa hat on, and ketchup is smeared on the plate?

    3. Kowalski! Options!*

      Et tu, Elfus?
      (Not actually suggesting anyone should keep their FF around for two and a half months…)

    4. Random Bystander*

      When we were in the office, we had that thing going on for awhile … and the scenes became so stupid elaborate … if I had ever had it show up on my desk/in my cube, I would’ve just swept the mess into the trashcan and thrown the elf on the main instigator’s desk (“fun committee”) with a note “you can pick the next person” (the “lucky” recipient was supposed to pick the next person and create a scene). I think there was one, too, that involved ketchup and mustard smeared around ..

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        Oh I’d be tempted to create a scene all right… but i suspect they mean create an ELF scene. /s

  10. Snarkus Aurelius*

    #3 is the epitome of everything that is wrong with the American workplace in the last 40 years. It’s one thing to force everyone to work the holidays last minute; it’s quite another to punish people for not feeling good about it. Not even Michael Scott would do something like that.

    Now get off off my lawn. I need to go yell at a cloud.

  11. Keeley Jones, The Independent Woman*

    I always wonder what goes on in the minds of people like #7 that lack any self awareness. The Main Character syndrome is strong in that one.

    1. Observer*

      Well, I think it helps explain why she was EX girlfriend.

      But also, why did anyone think that the employee was going to be able to do anything about the matter?

      1. EPLawyer*

        oh definitely. I think we know the reason they broke up. What I don’t understand is why he was upset. He should have been heaving a sigh of relief to be FREE.

        2. Snell*

          Being upset even after a terrible girlfriend leaves your life I can understand. It’s the upheaval.

          Once, when someone who regularly harangued me until I cried did so again, I for once started screaming back, in tears, which basically ended that episode. Afterward, someone else came up to me saying stuff to the effect of “good job” and “didn’t that feel good?”…except, no, I didn’t feel good. I had been upset enough to cry and yell. Fighting back felt better than letting myself get stepped on, but it still didn’t feel particularly /good/ to be in that situation.

          So even if something is cathartic or cleansing, like splitting from a troublesome relationship, the initial reaction is not necessarily all positive, even if it’s a good thing in the long run.

      2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        I wonder if she told him ahead of time that she was still going, she bought a dress, she wanted a nice dinner and night out. He could suck it up for two hours, etc.
        If she had, he should have stepped up and told party organizers about it and they could have kept her out.
        I get this feeling because he was more like, “yeah, she like that some times” instead of “wtf are you talking about?”

        1. Observer*

          He told them that they were broken up and that he was not coming. The fact that she showed up anyway was enough information to make it clear that she’s a bit much.

          I totally don’t blame him for not wanting to get dragged into more drama. And he had a legitimate point about being upset that they let her in.

      3. ferrina*

        Yeah, that irked me that they called the employee. Like…they broke up! He’s not responsible for her! The hosts shouldn’t have let her in in the first place, and it’s not fair to try to make him responsible for their mistake.

        Also safety note- it may be that he had gone No Contact with her (for reasons we can all imagine) and this was one way that she could “make” him pay attention to her. If so, he definitely made the right call in refusing to engage. If he had showed up, it would reward her bad behavior and she would be more….this for longer. The intensified acting out is called an Extinction Burst and if it’s rewarded, the person will feel validated in their inappropriate behavior.

        1. 1LFTW*

          Also safety note- it may be that he had gone No Contact with her (for reasons we can all imagine) and this was one way that she could “make” him pay attention to her.

          Thank you for this. I’d been wondering why the hell anyone would show up at their recent ex’s holiday party, and, well, it’s a stalker move. She was hoping he would be there, and he’d “have to” interact with her in order to avoid a scene, right? Only he’s not there, so she needs to escalate in order to get his attention: cue the owner’s gift, which she takes for herself and refuses to give up.

          I would argue that she *was* rewarded when the hosts called her ex (assuming she wasn’t too drunk by that point to be unaware of it). I’m glad he refused to engage directly with her, but he still had to respond to the message about her behavior, which means that she “made him” pay attention to her. By that point, he was probably also worried about professional fallout. I hope he’s doing OK now.

      1. Zorak*

        Yeah, and a certain point it’s time to just forcibly take the gift from her and gently escort her out of the park.

        2. Danish*

          I know the teapot was an example and the real item might not have been delicate, but I could see them being concerned that she’d break the gift – accidentally or on purpose – if they tried to forcefully reclaim it

      2. Not Having It*

        Right? Why didn’t anyone tell her they’d call the cops because she was stealing the thing.

      3. redflagday701*

        Thiiiiiiiis. Take back the gift, kick her out, talk to the venue owner and/or cops immediately if there’s an issue with either. But the roots of the problem are visible in the fact that they let her come in the first place, even after their actual employee had broken up with her. It’s a work party! This isn’t your friends breaking up and you want to try to be loyal to both of them! Ridiculous.

    3. bookworm*

      Truly, it’s amazing people act like this in real life. This story really feels like it could be adapted into a great sitcom episode. I’m picturing Mona-Lisa Saperstein showing up at a Pawnee Parks Department holiday party after she and Tom break up.

  12. NYC Taxi*

    Love #2, the engineers. Now that is my dream holiday at work. Chill, low key, no fuss. And who doesn’t like a modestly festive PowerPoint?

      1. Phony Genius*

        It wasn’t clear if they selected their cards from the bowl, or if it was a blind draw. Could be funny either way.

    2. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      I wonder if she told him ahead of time that she was still going, she bought a dress, she wanted a nice dinner and night out. He could suck it up for two hours, etc.
      If she had, he should have stepped up and told party organizers about it and they could have kept her out.
      I get this feeling because he was more like, “yeah, she like that some times” instead of “wtf are you talking about?”

      1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        Dang it. Wrong thread. I was going to post in this one that my sister worked in a science department in a big research university. For Christmas, a professor brought in a tray of cookies he’d baked. He told her that 24 were for this event and the other 12 were for another event that evening. He’d pick up the tray later. And she was supposed to monitor the tray, like of course, he’d get 12 cookies back after a faculty/grad student holiday party that was held in the department’s conference room during the afternoon.

        1. Just a different redhead*

          I feel like… a) yeah no you (prof) did not think this through, but b) if really required, probably calls for stealth taking 12 onto a secret secured plate+plastic/tupperware/etc. not in the party room, and putting them back on the empty tray after the first event…. or c) was he potentially in psychology using this as an experiment??? XD

  13. Iroqdemic*

    Oh these are great! I missed most of these in the original threads because there were so many. #10 is so charming.

  14. BadWolf*

    Can vouch for #2 and #5.

    A couple years ago, we were supposed to pick out a group activity — you know, to bond, etc. The vote was for lunch and going to a movie (for which we would pick whatever movie we wanted to see). Yep, we wanted to chat for a short bit, then go sit in different dark rooms. Perfect.

  16. Not Tom, Just Petty*

    Haven’t even read them all. So annoyed at number 3. “Nope. You’re working Christmas week this year.”
    “Ok, I canceled my flight, told my family, committed to something local for the day.”
    “Ha, ha, psych! You have the week off.”
    It would not have been ketchup.

    1. ENFP in Texas*

      This. Exactly this. I don’t know who in HR thought this was a good idea in the first place – even WITHOUT the Elf idiocy. You don’t screw with time off at the holidays when people are trying to make travel plans.

  17. EPLawyer*

    #3 – We want to raise morale by making everyone think they have to work the holidays. Like WHO thought that was a good idea? Did no one in the entire planning of this stunt go — you know, people might actually be angry over this, maybe we shouldn’t?

    1. Observer*

      But they will be SOOOO relieved when we tell them the truth that they will be undyingly grateful when the realize how NICE we are to give them the time! How could this POSSIBLY go wrong?!?!? / sarc

      What would you be willing to bet that this wasn’t part of the “thought” process? (If you could call it that.)

    2. Nanc*

      Well they did succeed in giving most everyone a raging hate-on for the elves, the narcs, and the possibility of losing time off. Smells like team spirit.

  19. Phony Genius*

    On #3, I’m a supervisor and don’t mind working holiday weeks. What I would have done is made sure to rack up as many elf demerits as possible so that my staff would have had nothing to worry about.

    1. Danish*

      haha yeah! I’d be so annoyed as an employee but I think as a supervisor you could at least maintain some amount of morale in your group by being the sacrificial lamb, so to speak. Especially if you were overt about it. “I AM TAKING THE LAST OF THE COFFEE AND NOT MAKING A NEW POT. TWENTY DEMELFITS FOR ME”

  20. Momma Bear*

    #10 is sweet, and I love that he also got his GF a purse based on the suggestion. It reminds me of the time I was leaving a summer internship and was asked about cake under the pretense of it being for someone’s kid. Ended up being my going away cake.

    1. Zorak*

      Their changing tactics make it so obvious that they understand that nobody actually wants one, and yet they keep insisting…

      1. Momma Bear*

        At that point, do something different like donate to a florist who recycles wedding flowers for hospitals and nursing homes.

    2. Malarkey01*

      I grew up in the 80s and in a region where every wedding reception ends with everyone helping to stack the chairs, clean off the tables, and then every aunt races to grab “the best” center pieces and the night ends with the uncles trying to wrangle three kids and a giant centerpiece into the backseat of a car with a harried luck on their face.

      That company needed my family at the event!

    3. ferrina*

      ngl, that was my favorite and one of the few where I was rooting for the company. (I assume a few centerpieces were regularly abandoned at the office)

      1. Grizabella the Glamour Cat*

        Well, if I worked there and “won” a centerpiece, it would definitely have been abandoned, unless I lived right around the corner or something.

        At my last long term job, I had a very long commute, involving a rapid transit train and a commuter train. No way would I have taken that thing with me!

  22. Lurking Tom*

    Yikes at #4 – married with children aged guy making out with a high school kid feels suuuuuuper creepy & gross to me.

    2. A Simple Narwhal*

      My most generous pipe dream of a hope is that she was a senior in highschool and 18 and he married young and was in his early 20s, but I recognize that it’s super unlikely. And it would still be gross.

      Also unless this took place decades ago when the drinking age was 18 (or not in the US at all, I suppose), I’m side-eyeing the company for letting/getting a highschooler drunk. Adds an extra layer of ick to the situation. Hope OP4 is doing ok.

      1. SpaceySteph*

        My dad was a Dr and both an early adopter and late abandoner of pagers, so for there to be a pager this is probably 15+ years ago…. but still not long enough for the drinking age to have been 18 in the US.

        1. Seeking Second Childhood*

          Age increased to 21 in the mid 1980s. (I became old enough to drink twice….my state did NOT include a grandfather clause.)

        2. Mustard*

          Shockingly, pagers actually still exist (I am a doctor and I use one). Certainly, they are far rarer these days!

      2. redflagday701*

        Eh, the fact that he was a warehouse guy makes it easier to believe he married young. It’s obviously not a hard-and-fast truth, but a lot of the guys I grew up with who started working blue-collar jobs right out of high school were married within a few years. And while I absolutely do not condone his infidelity, I think in the context of a work holiday party, especially if alcohol was on hand and the young lady in question was at all dressed up, I can see how someone in his early twenties could end up making out with someone he assumed was at least 18 or 19. Not great, but not predatory.

      3. Giant Kitty*

        Who says the company LET a highschooler drink? Teens who want to drink at an event like this where alcohol is served will find a way to drink whether it’s allowed or not.

        When I was in middle school, my parents got season tickets for the opening night of a local community theater, which allowed us to attend the cast party afterwards, where snacks like fruit, cheese, & wine were set out. My brother & I were huge nerds that thought it made us “badasses” to be able to sneak the tiny dixie cup sized wine glasses in a room crowded full of adults and we NEVER got caught, not even by our 100% teetotaling parents.

    3. Elspeth McGillicuddy*

      Well, the married with children part is definitely gross, but the high school kid part is only gross if he knew she was a high school kid. They obviously didn’t know each other well, since she didn’t know about the married thing and he didn’t know about the owner’s daughter thing.

      Highschoolers don’t look all that different from young-looking 20-somethings, especially if they are wearing party makeup, which she likely was.

      1. May*

        Gonna hard disagree on this. Wearing makeup does not age someone THAT much. Someone old enough to be married with children is wise enough to tell the difference between high school kid and young 20s.

        1. Kesnit*

          Can you tell the difference between someone who is 17 years, 364 days old, and someone who is 18 years, 2 days old?

          A few years ago, I was sitting in court and got to see the sentencing of someone (not my client or the client of someone in my office) who had sex with a 14(?) year old and got her pregnant. (Said defendant was in his 20s.)

          The 14 year old had previously testified that she consented* to the sex. (Yes, I know 14 year olds cannot legally consent. I just mean she wanted to have sex and agreed to have sex with him.) Defense counsel brought in family members of both parties to testify that said 14-year old was always mistaken for being in her 20s, that she played up appearing older than she was, etc.

          It didn’t help and the guy got a pretty substantial prison sentence.

          I only tell this to point out that no, it isn’t always easy to tell the difference between someone who is in high school and someone who is in their 20s.

        2. Kara*

          You’d be surprised! It’s not common, but there’s individuals who’ve lived their lives continually being mis-aged; sometimes by quite a bit!

      2. lil falafel wrap*

        Honestly, as someone who has worked with high schoolers as a young 20 year old and older, they look very different and act very different.

          1. Giant Kitty*

            I remember being at the beach when I was in middle school and some young guy (maybe college age? I barely remember, I wasn’t paying much attention to him) assumed that the tall slender mature looking young woman he was trying to talk to was his own age…as soon as he found out I was 14 he all but RAN away.

            People misaged me as older from about 8 or 9 on because I was so tall, then from about my early 30s people started thinking I was younger than my age, sometimes decades younger as I hit my 40s & 50s.

      3. Laura*

        Ehhh I’ve worked with kids of high school age and I am *highly* dubious you could mistake one for someone in their early 20s, no matter how they did their make up. They look, talk and behave like teenagers, not like adults.

        1. Kara*

          That might be part of why certain people can consistently be mis-aged. If you’re expecting teenage talk and behavior and the person in front of you is using adult talk and behavior; one of your hints is now misleading you. Child abuse can cause some to act more mature than their years, as can having had to play a significant ‘adult’ role in their family such as parenting younger siblings. Autism spectrum can in some cases alter speech patterns in ways that affect perceived maturity.

        2. Humble Schoolmarm*

          I feel like I have a story that proves both sides. My first year teaching (so I would have been min-twenties) I walked into school one morning, saw a young man with a beard and my brain went “Well, hello new substitute”. Then I did a double take and realized it was a senior who had grown a beard for the school play. I’m eternally grateful that the double take came before I said anything.
          So, it is possible to mistake a high schooler for a young adult, but it took me all of fifteen seconds to correct myself. Then again, it was 8:30 in the morning and I was stone cold sober, at a boozy party it’s hard to say.

      4. EE*

        I’m pretty surprised by the number of people replying to this with complete confidence that they can tell 18 year olds and 20 year olds apart with 100% accuracy! I suspect that most of you are not as good at this as you think you are! I had people confidently mistaking me as being under 16 when I was as old as 28, so I am pretty sure there must be other people with the opposite experience.

        1. Danish*

          Well, that’s the thing – most people would assume younger, right? Unless you were a person who didn’t find an issue with “that person I wanna make out with looks AWFULLY young”

          the part where he was married with kids and still making out with someone else at a work party means we don’t need to do so much work to find this guy any plausible deniability. We can just confidently say he’s a creep.

        2. sundae funday*

          I truly cannot tell how old people are, although I typically skew younger rather than older. “You’re 16??? I thought you were, like, 11?”

          I did meet a teenage girl recently, though, that I would’ve sworn was in her early 20s. It wasn’t even that she was wearing a lot of makeup or anything… she just didn’t look like a teenager to me.

          I once got “carded” … to see a rated R movie … when I was like 23. This is in the US where you only have to be 17 to see a rated R movie. My brother is 5 years younger than me and someone asked if we were twins one time when he was 16 and I was 21.

          1. sundae funday*

            Oh and this wasn’t even that long ago. I was 28 and got on the elevator at work after lunch, so it was mid-afternoon.

            The lady in the elevator with me asked me if I was going to visit my dad because she thought I was still in high school.

      5. ferrina*

        I agree with this. I worked in a warehouse office when I was a senior in high school, and I was a mature high schooler (at least when I was at work). I was regularly mistaken for being in my early 20s. Common conversation: “Can you work Tuesday afternoon?” “No, I have class.” “Oh, what are you getting your degree in?” “Um….high school?”

    4. Observer*

      married with children aged guy making out with a high school kid feels suuuuuuper creepy & gross to me.

      Totally!

      I would not be surprised that the guy tried the number . . .

      1. Aggretsuko*

        That’s why I LOVE that OP gave the guy dad’s pager number. LOLOLOL on what happened there, I presume.

        1. Pam*

          Love that twist!

          This could have easily been me. I worked in an office with a warehouse in high school because my dad worked there. I had a crush on one of the warehouse guys and I’m pretty sure he had a crush on me (not creepy- I was a couple months from 18 and he was only a couple years older), but he was a good guy and never made a move.

          That guy from #4’s story is that decided to be a creep and a cheat, and OP wrought some unintentional karma on him. So sassy to give him her dad’s pager number!

    5. pope suburban*

      That one was deeply, deeply upsetting. I also hate that it sounded very much like something that could have happened at my old HellJob. We build custom wine cellars and had a climate-controlled storage service on site. People would open up their storage lockers for the Christmas party, which inevitably led to overindulgence. There was a lot of drama there anyway, and the number of times I had to have words with field techs about not commenting on the residents/house staff was gross. I wish there were any real protections in place to deal with people who do things like that.

  23. Emily*

    If someone shows up at your party, gets drunk, and steals something, you can tell them that if they don’t give it back and then leave, you are going to call the police. And then you can actually do it if they don’t listen. You do not have to buy them off.

    1. curmudgeon*

      Why didn’t anyone call the cops on the drunk, belligerent gate crasher?? I’m not the biggest fan of the police but her behavior was absolutely mad.

      2. Giant Kitty*

        Cops, venue management, security- whoever was most appropriate for the location the party was at. She wasn’t an employee and should never have been let in, and if she managed to do so anyway, been 86’d immediately.

    2. Observer*

      Well, the boss “didn’t want to make a scene”.

      That’s why she was allowed in, in the first place.

        1. Observer*

          I get it. But that kind of attitude goes along with “how do I get person to stop doing ridiculous and bad thing without hurting their feeling?” I’m betting that boss didn’t want to “make things worse”.

          1. 1LFTW*

            They didn‘t want to “make things worse” for *themselves*. They were perfectly happy to make things worse for their employee by trying to make him responsible for his ex’s bad behavior.

            1. Observer*

              Possibly.

              Or possibly jut can’t get past that hump of not being the one to engage in the scene. How often does Alison point out to people that once people act in a certain way it’s perfectly OK and totally *n0t* rude to be clear, unambiguous, and firm? And that it might feel rude but it’s not? And how often is it in response to the people to express that they “can’t sink to the level” of the people who they need to deal with.

  24. Red*

    Got to say, I was very confused by #1 until I remembered what fanny means in the US! I was wondering how on earth twerking would help to get all the snowflakes out.

    2. Heffalump*

      When I read the headline I thought it was going to some sort of riff on calling whiners “snowflakes.”

    3. KatEnigma*

      *remembers what fanny means in the UK*

      *Dies laughing*

      That’s even better than the original imagery!

    4. Kit*

      Yeah, I read this going “Okay, for our non-US audience members, think bum bag…”

      I admire his commitment, though!

  25. EPLawyer*

    #1 – the Snowflake Twerk. Just NO. I do not want to see my coworkers twerking. Although bless that CFO really going for it.

    1. lilsheba*

      This is the same kind of junk they tried to have us do at my previous job, at a bank call center. I find it humiliating and I feel like it’s treating us like kindergartners. No way will I ever do these kings of things.

  26. Elizabeth*

    RE: #8.

    My husband’s former office did something like that, only it was you both got the centerpiece AND you were now on the committee that would plan the next year’s party. If it was a spouse or kid who got the sticker, they got the centerpiece, and the employee they were connected to was on the committee.

    The year my husband was on the committee, instead of playing party games and doing the ever-popular white elephant gift swap, they paid for a student improv comedy group to come in and perform. The students were great. The audience, not so much. There was much whining about the lack of a gift swap, because certain individuals really wanted a way to get rid of their junk without actually throwing it away.

    1. Momma Bear*

      So….be voluntold to organize something but not be appreciated for what was organized? Then…do it yourself. The performance sounds like a great idea.

  27. ChemistryChick*

    #10 is my favorite because I would absolutely do the same thing and totally miss the hint.

    Re #1, work twerk should Never Ever Ever be a thing. Though I’m glad the CFO had a sense of a humour about it.

  28. AnonEMoose*

    Right? That one is so sweet! And the boss made good use of OP’s advice, so OP definitely did both him and herself a solid.

  30. cactus lady*

    I love these! At our (open bar) holiday party last weekend, one of my colleagues got REALLY upset when he found out that I’m older than him, saying I don’t look older, it’s not fair that he looks older than me, can’t we just pretend I’m younger? I offered him the number for my med spa and he stopped speaking to me… and hasn’t since. LOL

    3. Giant Kitty*

      Hahahahaha! My husband is 15 years younger than I am and people have mistaken him as the older one for years. He’s a great sport about it though.

  31. Holiday Cheer*

    For #6…I cannot be the only one who is vaguely wondering whether or not everyone had a baby with the correct partner…

      1. Subscribe & Save*

        Dear Ask a Manager,

        I never thought I’d be writing to you, but I just had a work holiday party I’m sure your readers would enjoy…

  32. GnomeForTheHolidays*

    The boss in #5 sounds eerily like someone in my family, I don’t think it’s them but it’s so close I had to chuckle. Also, “discount Tim McGraw” is killing me

  33. No Longer Gig-less Data Analyst*

    #1, I am very glad I work at home because the screaming laughter that came out of me would have probably gotten me sent home from an office. The mental picture of this staid C-suite guy twerking his little heart out…I still can’t stop laughing about it.

  34. Richard Hershberger*

    I feel for everyone in 5: trying to do normal socializing things, but not knowing how. This is in contrast with 3 and 8, organized by people who have never actually met human beings and instead are imposing their bizarro vision on helpless employees.

    1. marvin*

      I am pretty charmed by the boss who is simply too manly to understand how to host people but trying his best.

  35. Anne Wentworth*

    #10 was the perfect way to wrap up this post. :D After reading the rest of them, I needed that.

  36. EE*

    #3 – I will never understand people who think that starting to do something mean and then going “haha nevermind, just kidding” at the last minute is the same as doing something nice.

    1. Zelda*

      I am put in mind of a letter some years ago in which a “prankster” had a friend in police uniform tell a coworker that the coworker’s daughter was seriously injured– just kidding, so funny! Blech.

      One of the many terrible things about being in an abusive relationship is actually when the abuser does something nice. It keeps the abused person off-balance and questioning themselves. Jerking people around like this is IMO worse than just rescinding previously-approved time off, as deeply crappy as that would be.

      2. Observer*

        We’ve had a number of these “prankster” letters. There was the one where a coworkers told someone that she was getting arrested. And the one where supervisors thought it was HILARIOUS that some people practically turned green when they announced (fake) mandatory overtime that was going to start at the end of the shift- which was scheduled to start end in a couple of hours. If the overtime had been real, there would have been a bunch of people with children, parents and others who depended on them left stranded because there was no time to arrange coverage.

  37. Distracted Librarian*

    “The compliance people put some holly on the first page of the PowerPoint” – ROTLMAO. And really, the engineers have a point about taking advantage of everyone being in the room :-)

  38. Sheworkshardforthemoney*

    #2 Having worked with engineers at one job, this gift card exchange doesn’t surprise me and it does make sense if the cards are from different stores or food places.

      1. Giant Kitty*

        I love it. Sounds like a great way to do the gift exchange.
        Also, my dad was an engineer and I can very easily envision this happening with him & his coworkers! LOL!

  40. RB*

    #4: I mean, really, who among us hasn’t made out with the wrong person at a holiday party? Just that in this case “wrong” was for rather more unusual reasons.

    1. Giant Kitty*

      I used to work at an animal hospital and vividly remember the year that the office manager’s teenage daughter was impregnated by one of the longtime vet technicians teenage son (both of whom were employed there) at the office Christmas party LOL

  41. My Dear Wormwood*

    I wish this had happened in time to include, but we had a really nice EOY party with a funny follow-up. There were cute awards, a very short speech, the dermatologists had sprung for a good bar tab and food (so much food!) package. About 9pm we realised there was still heaps of money on the bar tab so suddenly cocktails were allowed and it was lychee martinis all round.

    No-one got too silly, but we were all a bit rough the next morning, except one person. Or so we thought, until she went to put her hands in her pockets and realised that her pants were on backwards.

  42. Gary Patterson's Cat*

    “And as a side note, almost exactly 9 months later there was a minor baby boom in the company.”

    Oh MY!

  43. Comma Queen*

    I’m going to use “can they fill the queen’s cards with female senior leaders” as my litmus for corporate gender diversity from now on.

  44. Nero'sNightWatchman*

    Just found out that, instead of getting holiday pay for guarding an empty warehouse Sunday, we get half a day off Saturday and all day off Sunday.

    Too late to change any plans. Might as well pretend to appreciate the time off without pay.

  45. Ash*

    #2 reminds me of all the best and worst of working with engineers. Did you do what I asked? Yes. Did you do what I asked without interpreting any of the context? Also yes. Bless them, every one.

  46. Penny*

    “Our department kept the Elf. They named him F*ckface.”

    Well, that’s where I burst out laughing. I like their style.

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