Mortification Week: the hickeys, the rogue zipper, and other stories to cringe over

by Alison Green on July 29, 2024

It’s Mortification Week at Ask a Manager and all week long we’ll be revisiting ways we’ve mortified ourselves at work. Here are 15 more mortifying stories to enjoy.

1. The zipper

Last year I had to give a very important presentation in front of very important customers, part of a week-long roadshow. I had packed several dresses and one suit. Unfortunately, I hadn’t worn this particular suit for a while, and I didn’t think to try it on before the trip. I did remember there was some reason I hadn’t worn the suit lately, but I saw there was a missing button on the pants and figured that was it. I safety pinned it together and called it good.

Cut to the meeting. We arrive early. The customers aren’t here yet. It’s a small room, with a large table taking up most of the space, regular rolling office-type chairs at the table itself, and a number of smaller non-rolling chairs around the edge. My boss and another coworker are standing and talking. I’ve been on my feet the entire week and am in general exhausted, so I sit down in one of the rolling office chairs. The back immediately tilts ALL the way back. The safety pin holds just fine – but I hear the telltale sound of my zipper sliding down. Instant mortification, of course, but my coworkers don’t seem to have noticed, so I sit up, use the edge of the table to hide what was going on, and quietly zip it back up.

All good? Not so much. There’s clearly something wrong with the zipper, because almost immediately I feel it start to slide down again. Maybe it’s the way I’m sitting in this chair? I can’t get it to stop tilting back. I stand up, turn around, zip my zipper up again, and hide this by swapping the offending rolling chair for one of the non-rolling chairs at the edge of the room. I’m holding back hysterical laughter at this point. My coworker is throwing me weird looks– she knows something is going on, but not what. She doesn’t say anything, though, first because she’s a great coworker, and also because the customers are starting to filter in.

Standing up seems to have helped, maybe something about the angle – the zipper is holding fine. I greet the customers, shake hands and introduce myself, and then sit down to start the presentation. The non-rolling chair is better, I can sit up straighter. Still fine, still fine, still fine … and then two minutes in, the zipper starts sliding down again, tooth by tooth.

There’s nothing I can do at this point. I shift closer to the table, discreetly tug my shirt down over my pants, and give the rest of the presentation with my zipper completely down.

(No one noticed. I cried hysterical tears of laughter in the bathroom afterwards.)

2. The Star Trek episode

At the orientation during my very first grown-up job, a gentleman came in and gave a presentation about short-term disability benefits and supplemental retirement accounts. I personally found this topic boring, so I took out my laptop and started WATCHING AN EPISODE OF STAR TREK IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. I wasn’t in the corner or anything, I was at a round table in the very center of the room and did absolutely nothing to hide what I was doing. Worse yet, when my boss came up afterwards and suggested I not do that in the future, I was quite put out. After all, I had the sound off and subtitles on! I wasn’t bothering anyone!
Needless to say, the autism diagnosis a few years later was a surprise to exactly no one.

3. The hickeys

The summer I was 19, I had both my first internship and my first girlfriend. I’m not sure how to word this politely, but my girlfriend and I were having a lot of fun, to the point where I would regularly show up with hickeys on and around my neck. Apparently it was bad enough that my supervisor (the managing editor), felt the need to send an email a few days before I was interviewing a prominent local figure to remind me that hickeys are not considered office appropriate, and to please wear a scarf, especially when meeting with important people.

4. The glass door

I once casually jogged into a clear glass door trying to join a board meeting in progress.

5. The prayer group

For the purposes of this story, I’ll be Jo. When I was in college, I got an office job on campus. They day before my first day, I got a message from my manager, Bill, saying,“I’ve been called into a meeting tomorrow morning. Meet my assistant Anne in the lobby at 9. She’ll give you a tour and get you settled, I’ll be back at 10.”

The next morning, I’m in the lobby at ten to nine and a woman approaches me and says, “Jo?” I nod and say, “Anne?” She says yes, we start chatting, and she gives me a tour. It’s a weird tour, nothing is really relevant to my job, but I figure she’s been told to occupy me until Bill gets there.

Anne takes me into a conference room and I meet about 20 other people, all very friendly and welcoming. They invite me to take a seat, and then they begin to pray. I’m confused, but it’s not like I can ask what’s happening. Then the guy two seats down from me says, “I’ll kick us off this week” and begins a personal prayer. Everyone is nodding and saying, “Amen.”

Then the woman next to me starts. Oh no, it’s a circle and I’m next. I’ve never set foot in a church and couldn’t string together a fake prayer if my job depended on it. When it’s my turn, I blurt out, “I don’t know how to do this!” but everyone is so encouraging so I mumble something about keeping my loved ones safe and everyone nods and claps.

It takes a while for everyone to have a turn and it’s almost 10:30 by the time we’re finished. I ask Anne if we should go find Bill. “Who?” she says. “Bill, my manager.” “What manager?” I ask her surname and I realize I have the wrong Anne!

I excuse myself and rush through the building until I find the correct Anne, who is unimpressed that she waited in the lobby for me for 20 minutes and I’m rushing in 90 minutes late. She gets Bill, who is equally unimpressed as I try to explain that my parents gave me the most common girls name of the 80s so I accidentally joined a prayer group instead of coming to work.

For the year I worked there after that, I occasionally ran into members of the prayer group who often invited me back, and it made me want to crawl into a hole and disappear every time.

6. The photos

I was helping an elderly man with his iPhone, and one of the troubleshooting steps involved getting him to sign into his Apple account. He remembered nothing about that account — his daughter wrote down info for him at his notebook at home, he remembered none of it. Since it was the end of the day and I wanted to go home, it was faster to login with my burner account than it was to try and reset his account. He promised me he’d log in to his account at home, we fixed the issue, I figured that was everything.

Two days later, I find out from my coworker he was back the next day because he had a ton of photos on his phone he didn’t remember taking, and he just needed them gone. I didn’t sign out of my burner, and at some point his phone synced from the cloud. My burner had around 20-30 friend group photos … as well as 500+ male nudity photos I’d saved. All of them were downloaded onto this poor man’s phone.

If he had complained about what KIND of photos had appeared, I would have been fired in a heartbeat. It was a stressful few weeks, waiting for a possible customer survey that could end my career.

7. The nap room

I was in my first year of teaching and was being shown around by the custodian during the week of in-service before school started. He and I immediately got along and could recognize the smartass in each other. He was sure to show me that I had a TV that got full cable and that The Price is Right was coming on soon. In response, I had intended to say, “Hey, I’m gonna be in here taking a nap. Whatever you do, do not come in here” as a sort of way to say, “Yeah, I’m gonna hunker down and watch TV while I should be working.”

Readers, instead, I told this 60-year-old man I had just met, “Hey I’m going to go to sleep. Do what you gotta do, but don’t come inside me.”

8. The lack of motivation

In college (late 90s), I interviewed with almost 30 companies during my senior year, trying to land a job offer. In one, the interviewer asked me, “What motivates you?” and my mind. went. blank. Utterly blank. I responded, “I can’t think of anything.” The interview ended shortly after that, and I did not get an offer from that company.

9. The condolences

A few months after I started my last job, my husband’s grandmother passed away. I took bereavement leave and travelled for the funeral, and the CFO sent flowers. Shortly after, my husband met me at work. This would be his first time meeting everyone. I introduced him to the CFO and the following conversation ensued:

CFO: You’re her husband?
Husband: Yes I am.
CFO: My condolences.
Me: (jaw drop)

I mean, I knew what he meant, but still… at least we got a good laugh out of that!

10. The bubble baths

I was in my early twenties, interviewing with a middle-aged man. He asked me how I dealt with stress. I said I like to take bubble baths. I even talked about adding “lots and lots of bubbles.” I did not get the job. I still cringe thinking about it.

11. The self-talk

On the way to the interview, I encountered two accidents that tied up traffic badly so I just barely skated in before the interview time despite having left my house plenty early. I asked to use the restroom before we got started, and when I was looking in the mirror I noticed that a huge zit had appeared on my nose. I said to my reflection, “Nobody’s going to hire you looking that, too old, gray hair, an enormous zit, and overweight. You should just turn around and go home now.”

I’d been looking for three months after having been laid off and was feeling very defeated in the moment.

At that point, the recruiter popped out of a stall and, to her credit, acted as though she hadn’t heard all that. I was mortified.

Fortunately, I wowed the hiring manager and got the job. But, lordy, I cringed every time I saw her in the hall for the first six months I was there.

12. The ingenuity

In an interview I said I admired the ingenuity of a guy that had gotten fired from my previous employer for embezzling money. Srsly???

13. The phlebotomist

I once applied for a job where it could reasonably be assumed that you would need phlebotomy experience. The ad did not explicitly say that, though, and I blithely waltzed into the job interview with zero idea they thought I should be able to draw blood. And me, being young, dumb, and desperate for a job, offered to draw blood from my interviewer to prove that I could (I could not). Mercifully, she didn’t take me up on that offer.

That moment still haunts me, 10+ years later. What the $#%! was I thinking?!?

14. The spooky question

I have horrible social anxiety, like, constantly thinking that everyone secretly hates me or is judging me. So, when I first started out in the working world, I had trouble coming up with small talk to bond with my coworkers. This was a very creative office, and I didn’t want to ask the same boring old questions, and it was near Halloween, so I decided to ask the ~spooky~ question of “Have you ever seen a ghost?” to one of my coworkers … except I panicked. HARD. I’m talking thoughts going 300 mph while I’m in the middle of the sentence. So, instead of asking “Have you ever seen a ghost,” I went (internally), “Oh gosh, did I already ask this the other day? What if she thinks it’s a weird question? It is kind of a weird question, isn’t it? I should ask something else, but I’m already halfway through this sentence. What can I replace ghost with? Ghosts are dead… dead people… zombies… zombies died… zombies are people who died – uh-”

And then, as casually as I had started the sentence, asked this poor, unsuspecting coworker… “Have you ever seen someone die?”

Cue a completely warranted incredulous reaction and a lifetime of cringing to myself. Thankfully I no longer work there or live near her.

15. The group interview

This was long ago, but as a teenager I participated in a group interview at a trendy clothing store. At the end of the interview, we were told to go out on the floor, pick out an outfit, and try to sell it to the manager interviewing us. The manager emphasized we should do this task quickly. Looking back, that was probably to limit disruption in the store. But I saw it as a speed race. I flew out the door of the back room and ran through the racks, grabbing clothes and attempting to slow down my competition. I left stacks of clothes a mess and tried to block access to racks. At one point I even muscled an actual customer out of my way. After what I was sure was a record-setting amount of time, I breathlessly presented my outfit, explaining that if the clothes were ugly (I specifically remember using the word “ugly”) I could get them different clothes before anyone else had even come back with their first ones. The manager was horrified and I was informed I would NOT be getting that job. Looking back, I have no idea what got into me and I feel terrible for making even more work for the people who had to clean up after my spree!

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{ 206 comments }

{ 206 comments… read them below }

    1. Czhorat*

      If it was Darmok, In The Pale Moonlight, Chain of Command, Mirror Mirror, or The Trouble with Tribbles I give OP a full pass.

      1. Slow Gin Lizz*

        Oof, I don’t know about Chain of Command Part 2….that one borders on NSFW (I personally like that ep, though). I would give a pass for Inner Light, though. And the DS9 tribble ep.

      3. Princess Sparklepony*

        Czhorat – I just had another reference to Darmok about a half hour ago and I haven’t thought of that episode in years. What are the odds….

    2. Resume please*

      Please let it be The Naked Time, or the TNG episode they’re Robin Hood characters for some reason

      1. 2 Cents*

        Any Q episode, really. but 100% if it was the Robin Hood one. “Captain, I protest! I am not a merry man!” Oh, Worf.

      2. Czhorat*

        What about the DS9 one where they played a random baseball game against some Vulcans in the middle of a major war? That also has a fun vibe.

        1. Llama Llama Workplace Drama*

          Speaking of which… is anyone else going to the Las Vegas ST convention?

          1. Danielle K.*

            no but I really wish I were.

            Elder Millennial I salary household with 2 kids so we can’t afford it.

        3. Vio*

          I struggled to get into that episode. I think it was partly because we don’t have baseball here, partly because I’m not into sports anyway and partly because I always find it bordering on bullying when somebody who doesn’t want to be on the team is ‘encouraged’ to do so… can’t remember who it was that was grudgingly involved though, possibly Worf or Odo?

  2. Orv*

    This isn’t work related, but I once accidentally showed up a day early for a summer term course. (Summer terms at my college didn’t have a break in between them.) I ended up, unknowingly, in the previous term’s section of the same course. They handed out a quiz. This seemed a little odd for the first day, but I figured maybe they were just assessing where we were starting from, so I dutifully filled it out and handed it in. And that’s how I accidentally sat for the final for a course that I hadn’t taken yet.

    I was later told I had gotten a B-, which seemed pretty solid considering I’d gone in cold!

    1. Generic Name*

      This exact same thing happened to me……in a school anxiety dream. Including getting a great score on a test in a class I had never attended. ha ha haaaa!!

    4. Prudence Snooter*

      Kind of the opposite thing happened to me: The Professor didn’t show up for the first day of class. This was French 1 and summer course, so each class was like 5 hours long and only met about 12 times. Missing an entire class would have been a big deal, so most of us stayed for about 2.5 hours in case the professor showed up. This was before smartphones so we didn’t have anything to do except speculate about what was going on. Was there even a professor? Was this section of the class cancelled? Most of us needed this class to graduate and had our schedules planned out pretty meticulously. It was actually really stressful for the professor to no-show! One of us volunteered to go to the department office to ask what was going on but they didn’t have any answers for us, only that the class had not been cancelled. The next day the professor did thankfully show up. Not only did she not apologize for no-showing (after all, summer courses ALWAYS start on Tuesdays, not Mondays!), she reprimanded us for ratting her out to the department. The next two weeks were a whirlwind of confusion and stress as it’s really hard to learn French that quickly, especially with a professor who’s method seemed to be yelling at you in a language you fully didn’t understand. Inexplicably we were all given A’s but boy was I ill prepared for French 2 that fall. Luckily that professor was much more reasonable.

  3. Czhorat*

    The prayer group story reminds me of something I did earlier in the year.

    I was handling the audiovisual design for a project for some new office space here in Midtown Manhattan. This was a complete renovation of a few floors of a rather anonymous office building, including a large multipurpose space. At one point the construction manager had a question about how to resolve a conflict between some ceiling speakers I’d specified and various bits of duct work, sprinkler pipe, and the other stuff that goes in the ceiling. This site was near my office, so I agreed to head over and review it in person with them.

    So I leave the office, walk a few blocks crosstown. The floor was under construction, so I had to go in through the freight entrance. Sign in with security, tell them I’m visiting the construction management company on the third floor. Head up on the freight elevator, start walking around, and get completely lost. Have you ever tried to navigate an office floor before the walls have been closed? It’s incredibly disorienting, and the plans don’t always show the usual north on the top of the page. Eventually I find the CM’s field office introduce myself as the AV designer. They act glad to see me, and ask if I’m there to help figure out the conflicts in the multipurpose room. I am, they lead me there.

    Friends, it looked NOTHING AT ALL like the pictures I’d been emailed showing the conflict. The ceiling grid was not in place. The ductwork was different. There was framing for a large video wall that I had not included in my design. I was bafflled. I gave them a confused look, they gave me a confused look.

    That’s when I realized that I had gone to the WRONG BUILDING. It was one block west of where I SHOULD have been. Freight entrance on the same side of the street, construction on the same floor. I sheepishly slunk out, walked the next block, and found my *actual* job site.

    1. Great Frogs of Literature*

      The coincidence there is kind of amazing, though!

      I really feel for Jo in #5 — she was where she was supposed to be, met someone who seemed to be the person she was supposed to meet… so the tour is weird. It’s your first day, most people probably wouldn’t say anything. How is she supposed to figure it out?

      1. Slow Gin Lizz*

        Yeah, side-eyeing Bill and the correct Anne for not sympathizing with Jo for her confusion and tardiness.

        1. LCH*

          same. i think Bill and correct-Anne just didn’t believe her because she was a student.

          1. ferrina*

            Yeah, the story is so strange that I could see where they’d have trouble believing her. I mean, she got a tour and everything? It’s a case where truth is almost stranger than fiction!

      2. bamcheeks*

        But also, if Wrong Anne was also expecting a Jo, WHAT HAPPENED TO OTHER JO? Is she still out there wandering?

      3. Czhorat*

        Yeah, that’s the reason I thought of my wrong building episode – it’s just SO STUPID how a completely unpredictable coincidence can send you down a garden path.

    2. londonedit*

      Not at work, but I absolutely once nearly got myself into the middle of a prayer-group-adjacent thing.

      I was on the committee for a sports club I was part of at the time, and there was a meeting I had to attend one evening with the umbrella organisation for our sport in our area. I’m the sort of person who turns up early to everything, and I hadn’t been to the place where the meeting was happening before, so I ended up being about 20 minutes early. There was no one else around and the meeting place wasn’t open, so I had a look around and spotted what looked like a cafe, attached to a library, across the road. I went in and there was someone standing behind a counter handing out teas and coffees, but there was just an honesty box for payment. OK, I thought, that sort of thing is fairly common in Britain in this sort of situation – if it’s a ‘friends of the library’ cafe or a WI thing or whatever. So I popped a couple of pound coins in the honesty box and took a cup of coffee. At that point, one of the other people in the cafe approached me and said ‘Hello! Are you here for the meeting?’ And it was at that point that I really properly took in my surroundings, and realised there were little groups of people sitting around tables with plates of biscuits on them, one of them was a vicar, and it became clear that it was some sort of prayer group/Bible study/possibly actually a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous or similar.

      Being British, all I could do was quickly finish my coffee, say ‘Well, must go!’ and leg it out of the door. Mortified.

    3. metadata minion*

      Oh nooooo.

      I had a similar issue once with needing to meet a contractor in front of the “Jones” building [name changed to protect the philanthropic-yet-strangely-unimaginative]. We have at least four Jones buildings on campus, but I went to the one I knew had work being done. Sure enough, there was the contractor van…but no contractor. I call him, he says he’s standing right by the van. So am I. Maybe it’s a different Jones building? I ask if there’s a green wall on the building. Yes, green wall. In desperation, I ask what other buildings are nearby.

      And then jog across campus to meet him at the other Jones building with a green wall and a [Brand] contractor van in front of it.

  4. Nessa*

    Not sure if this would’ve helped in the situation of the zipper person, but I had some pants that for some reason the zipper would always slide down. You can mitigate this by either looping a keyring into the hole of the zipper pull, and then looping that around your button. But in the case of OP where it was a safety pin instead of a button, they probably could’ve taken the point of the pin, also run it through the hole in the zipper pull, and then shut the whole thing. But again, this would’ve depended on the style of the pants and probably even the size/strength of the safety pin.

    1. DinoGirl*

      In law school, during observation at court, the back zipper of my skirt came undone. The respondent seated behind me could not stop laughing, which I thought pretty audacious for someone in court facing a judge, until I later realized he was laughing at me, in court, with my leopard print tushie on display …I’m still haunted. I got rid of that skirt suit.

    2. Elizabeth West*

      My absolute favorite pair of jeans is like this. They used to work, but now are old and the zipper will NOT stay up. Unfortunately, they’re also a Walmart brand that stupid Walmart decided not to carry anymore. :(

      I sacrificed them on the altar of paint stains when we did our community service day recently. My t-shirt covered up that part of the pants, so no one could see if the zipper went down during our activity. At least the top button still worked!

      1. Svazu*

        it’s too late for those pants, but if you have a favorite pair getting a zipper replaced at a tailor is not very expensive.

    3. Zipper OP*

      It probably would have worked, but alas, there was no opportunity for me to do that! The whole story happened in about the space of 60 seconds.

    4. MMR*

      You can also use a rubber band or hair band on many pants! If your pants have of the zippers with a little tiny hole on the end of the pull, loop the elastic through the zipper so it’s attached (by threading it half way through the zipper, then threading it through the top of of itself). You should have a loop of elastic attached to your zipper. Put that loop over there button of your pants and voila!

  5. newfiscalyear*

    I still think back to this mortifying moment on the first day of my “career!” job. My friends and I went canoeing the day before my start date and due to our novice error, we capsized in knee-deep water. The keel of the boat bonked into my upper thigh and left a giant, palm-sized gnarly bruise. Dear readers, perhaps because of excited nerves, during a conversation with him, I took it upon myself to hike my knee-length skirt up to mini-skirt levels to show my new boss the carnage. So inappropriate on so many levels in hindsight. *cringe!*

    1. IngEmma*

      Omg! I mean this is certainly not a particularly polished or professional thing to do and I can completely understand that it would be hugely inappropriate in a lot of circumstances.

      But just in case this helps move this from ‘mortifying but kind of funny’ to ‘funny, and a little embarrassing but such is the folly of youth:’ that’s something I would still probably do at my (laid-back) job now. In fairness, I work in manufacturing but I’m an engineer with a professional, reasonably well paid job.

      So seems to me like you can reasonably chalk that down to not having enough experience in your specific field yet!

      (It seems genuinely better to me than some things that would be always beyond the pale, I guess is my point. And you don’t know what you don’t know!)

      1. newfiscalyear*

        I was fortunate my boss was a very good-natured man, and it was an entertainment industry job. I probably wouldn’t have done such if I worked in a more formal institution. But it’s definitely a folly of youth. Haha!

  6. Former lab rat*

    Zipper story: brand new postdoc had to present his thesis work to the larger lab group of about 40 people. He may have presented great , but what we all remembered was his zipper was all the way down for the entire hour talk.

    1. jigglypuff*

      Similarly, we had a job candidate show up for an interview who had neglected to take the tags off their new suit. We all noticed simultaneously when the candidate was sitting down with the panel, so no one could quietly take them aside to tell them. We went with a different candidate, but this person has enjoyed a long career in our field so their name comes up occasionally, and all anyone in our department remembers is how they showed up with their tags on.

    2. Ink*

      I had a teacher who got a lot of mileage out of an incident where he manages to return from the restroom with button done, zipper down… and the tail of his bright red shirt sticking THROUGH the open zipper like a little flag. And hey, if I wind up with my own zipper story someday, it probably won’t be worse than teaching the first 15 minutes of a class like that! He was a pacer, too, so literally every student had time to notice before someone worked up the courage to tell him X’D

      1. Christine*

        Teacher here.
        I had a student bring a note to the front of the classroom to let me know my fly was open – halfway through the lecture.
        I was going through a sexy underwear phase, so I had on a thong over my freshly done Brazilian. I have no idea what my students could see, and all these years later, I still don’t want to know.

    3. Elizabeth West*

      Way back during my first stint in college, one of my English instructors was starting his lecture and his zipper was down. There were snickers and whispers, and when he figured it out, he simply turned his back, zipped up, turned around, and kept right on going as if nothing had happened.

      Gawd, I loved that guy. He was one of my favorite teachers ever. He was married to the local newspaper critic, and he would always come to the college plays with her. He had a very distinctive laugh — we could hear him in the audience from the stage (I was a music major, but I also quite a bit of theater while I went to school there). If we were doing a comedy and I heard him, I knew we were doing a good job.

    4. Shouldbeworking*

      There are YouTube videos of various members of BTS rectifying this problem while on stage. Always very neatly done. I’ve also seen one where Namjoon is running through matters before an award ceremony and clearly tells them to check this, as you can see them all making certain. The funniest is where you can see Jin confiding to V on stage that he has realised his zip is undone, and V starts reaching out to do it up. Jin slaps his hand away sharpish.

      1. Jane*

        Ahaha yes, this is one of the first things I thought of reading #1! (Also hello fellow ARMY!)

  7. Phony Genius*

    I accidentally read #4 as “I once casually jogged through a clear glass door.”

    2. rosysredrhinoceros*

      My husband walked through a plate glass window that he thought was an open sliding glass door while at an open house showing once and only needed about a dozen stitches in his forehead. We didn’t bother making an offer on that one; after the homeowners insurance claim for the ER visit, not to mention the cost to repair the glass while trying to sell the house, I imagine they probably wouldn’t have accepted.

    3. Prudence Snooter*

      #4 was me! Maybe if I’d been at a full sprint I would’ve gone through. Now THAT would have been an entrance!

  8. Admin of Sys*

    Oh, for number six, I can just imagine the poor man thinking that was just something the internet sometimes did! Like he didn’t know why there was suddenly a ton of male nudes, but people always say that sometimes just happens?

  9. MarMar*

    These were all great, but “have you ever seen someone die?” is sending me. Amazingly horrifying.

    1. PineappleColada*

      SAME! Also I love the explanation of how their internal dialogue got them there.

      Totally relate!

    2. Awkwardness*

      Absolutely, I’m crying from laughter.

      The inner monologue makes it so relatable.

  10. Stipes*

    “Have you ever seen someone die?”
    “…”
    “…”
    “I have now!”

    Mortification week, everyone!

  11. Slow Gin Lizz*

    For #11, you might comfort yourself with the thought that it’s entirely possible that the recruiter actually didn’t hear your self-talk, what with all the noise that tends to happen when one is in a bathroom stall. I find it interesting what people think others can hear vs. what others can actually hear; our expectations aren’t usually reality.

      1. Slow Gin Lizz*

        Nah, she was probably rustling her clothing or TP or something like that and couldn’t hear you at all. :-)

  12. essie*

    Oh gosh. The hickey story kinda reminds me of my college job, where I was in a casual relationship with a manager, Dean, in another department (he was really young for a manager, but he still should’ve known better!). I was so, so naive, but at least I had the sense to keep the relationship secret. Dean and I always had to work together on projects, so it wasn’t too suspicious when our meetings started getting longer and longer. We weren’t doing anything horrible, just talking and flirting and giggling. One afternoon, while in a 1on1 with Dean, he noticed that my shirt was a little see-through if I took off my cardigan. He made a couple *spicy* comments that totally sent me over the moon. When I finally returned to my desk, a coworker casually asked where I’d been. I was still on Cloud 9 and so *in love* with Dean, so I happily replied “I was in Dean’s office – and things got spicy!” Her jaw dropped in horror and she quickly walked away. I was totally oblivious. Thankfully, later that day, she pulled me aside and advised that it might be best to keep that stuff out of the office.

    1. going anon*

      And your story reminded me of how I met my husband 37 years ago, also a young manager in another department. I am very glad he did not know better! Or if he did, he did not care.

  13. WhyDidISayThat*

    My moment that refuses to exit my brain is when I was filling in for the transportation manager at a day care for kids with special needs. There was 1 child (named Jack) who needed a staff with him at all times so while his staff was parking the car from picking him up at home, another staff would provide coverage. It’s been almost 10 years and my phrasing still causes me to massively cringe– I asked a staff walking by “Can you get Jack off?” The staff stared at me and I further explained “I just need you to get Jack off while Suzie parks”.
    And my brain then clicked into gear at what I just said SO I DOUBLED DOWN and repeated it.
    “Can you get Jack off?”
    Ugh! There’s so many other ways to phrase that!

    1. Lis*

      I used to work with a guy named Dick. which lead to me having to announce to a group “I don’t want anyone to take this the wrong way but I need Dick in the next fifteen minutes so can anyone tell me where I can find Dick?”

      I did manage to find him in time to actually meet with the very important customer.

      2. Carl*

        I was in a meeting of very stuffy lawyers, discussing settlement negotiations with a very difficult opposing counsel “Dick.”
        Some wanted to accept the settlement. Others didn’t. After much back and forth, one male lawyer stood up abruptly, put his hands on the table, and firmly announced: “NO. I am not bending over for DICK.” I don’t think he had any idea what he just said.

        1. Baby Yoda*

          Someone pointed out a penny on the floor and I replied, ” I don’t bend over for less than a quarter.” Face-palm.

      4. Esmae*

        At one point I was the receptionist for an office where the CEO and CFO were both named Dick. Luckily since there were two of them it wasn’t weird to refer to them by their full names.

  14. Just_Courtney*

    wow, thanks to everyone who shared. my second hand mortification is HIGH for all of you. I was cringing all through that.

    1. whimbrel*

      I legitimately had to skim the post to avoid being overwhelmed by secondhand embarrassment.

  15. NetNrrd*

    Regarding photos with nudity – I am told the term of art among some UI designers for “sexytime photos” on a phone is “family photos.” So, “oh, the phone can do a slideshow of pictures when it’s idle, but we need to make sure that FAMILY PHOTOS don’t show up when they’re not supposed to.”

    1. Emily*

      This was highly educational and I will be using this. :)

      (My only inside industry knowledge like that is that “54” in shoe sales means “tried stuff on but didn’t buy anything”. At least where I worked, it was just a way to chat about it between salespeople without coming across as badmouthing customers. These little things can be interesting.)

    1. TKC*

      That one made me laugh and reminds of me a reality show challenge. Like America’s Next Top Model: run around the store and pick an outfit as fast as possible and maybe muscle someone out of the way so it can cause some drama later. If you win, you get a crappy prize you have to gush about in confessionals.

    2. I spend more time thinking of a name than writing the comment.*

      Trying to silently laugh-cry at this one at my desk.

  17. Zurg*

    The zipper story reminded me of the time I went to a college interview as a high school senior. I was being recruited to play football for a Division III college. They invited me for a visit to meet the coaches, other players, tour the school, and attend some classes. Part of the weekend included interviews with the admissions team and athletic department. I bought a new suit for the interviews. Everyone I met that morning commented on my new suit. How did everyone know I bought a new suit for this meeting? When I got back to my room, I realized my coat still had the price tag hanging from it.

    1. Angstrom*

      I’ve seen more than one candidate with a new suit coat or blazer that still had the stitch holding the vent closed.

      1. Mostly Managing*

        You’d be amazed (or not) how many people reach well into adulthood without learning that stitch is meant to be removed!
        There are a lot of people who leave it there on purpose, rather than because they forgot to take it out.

        1. saf*

          Whenever I see folks wearing their baseball caps, obviously NOT new, with all the tag still on them, all I can think is, “It was funny when Minnie Pearl did it.”

        3. ferrina*

          *raises hand*

          My parents never taught me that, and no one ever actually told me. I always thought the stitch was a bit dumb, but figured it was a professional fashion thing that just no one had ever explained to me. It wasn’t until I was *cough* many years into my career when I learned it through social media.

          When people ask what ‘cultural capital’ is, that’s it.

          1. Quill*

            Literally everything else we buy is meant to be detagged, thrown through the wash, and worn as assembled!

          2. Yvette*

            Also, I have seen some people leave that label on dress wool coats with the manufactures name, Bill Blass, Calvin Klein, etc. that is usually placed on the left sleeve towards the bottom. It’s not a status logo. It’s there to make it easier to distinguish the coats when they’re hanging on a rack, because quite frankly, most black dress coats look like an awful lot alike.

        4. Yvette*

          I met people who didn’t know that the flaps on suit jackets were concealing pockets that were actually stitched loosely shut just for purposes of keeping the suit neat while in the process of being sold and shipped around, etc. and that if you neatly sliced the stitches you would have pockets and that you could even tuck the flaps into the pockets if you prefer to flap less look on your suit jacket

            1. Yvette*

              True but if you feel carefully between the outer fabric of the jacket and the inner lining, you can tell if there’s a pocket there, and the wealth beneath the flap is usually loosely stitched enough so that you can see that there are removable stitches

        5. Coverage Associate*

          Yep. I had a professor in law school, teaching after a full career practicing, who still had the basting stitch in at least one of his sport coats.

  18. Alan*

    For #2, I was once scheduled to speak at a review for a project I was on. Some of the speakers were more relevant than others, and I had a lot of work to do, so I wasn’t always paying attention to everyone else. I was working hard on my laptop when the guy next to me, an upper-level manager that I didn’t recognize, interrupted me and asked why I wasn’t paying attention. I said that I didn’t care about the current topic and turned back to my work. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because he then went to the project manager hosting the review and complained that I hadn’t been paying attention. My PM looked at him and (I heard afterward) said “Yeah, Alan doesn’t care about this topic.” My seatmate came back to his chair and never looked at me again. I didn’t always get along with this PM, but for that I could have kissed him.

    1. Dr. Rebecca*

      10/10 for your PM recognizing that sometimes you need to *be* in a meeting, but not *all* of the meeting is for you.

  19. Kali*

    Group retail interviews are the worst and bring out the worst in all people, I am convinced. I went to one for a mid-level women’s clothing store that also sold a few homegoods – I did not match the aesthetic *at all* (although I wanted to! I was just poor and unable to afford their stuff), but everyone else did. We were asked to find a gift for a baby shower. I was baffled – this store did not sell anything for babies or children and definitely targeted a 18-25 year old crowd. I grabbed a sweater or something, reasoning that the new mom could wear it after she was out of her maternity clothes? I realized that I was basically repeating that awkward episode of Friends where Phoebe has a baby shower for her surrogacy for her brother. Ugh. I did not get the job.

    1. Future*

      I’m curious what other people chose and what was thought a good choice!

      Comfy sweatpants? Very large handbag that could double as a chic diaper bag?

  20. whimbrel*

    Oh my god the glass door story has me in shambles, lol. I can see this as one of the insta reels that some enterprising DJ turns into a beat. OP of that story, I am so sorry that happened to you but I am dying of laughter imagining it!

  21. mortifer*

    I missed the original run of this by being out sick, but I have a choice one!

    At a previous job we had some decent ability to flex hours as long as our core hours were covered. One coworker pretty consistently came in at like 4 AM or something to dodge some horrendous traffic from his house. I usually did not, but on this particular day I was coming in early – maybe 6? because I had a doctor’s appointment or something and wanted to leave early without using my minimal vacation time.

    We had a customer dropoff at the front of our office which was often used overnight. On this particular morning I pulled into the lot and saw someone parked in front of that, so I made the decision that I’d enter through the back of the building instead, through our storage room. So I punch in the code, and enter the storage room, and am promptly scared out of my skin by a yelp from the dark back of the storage room. I see what looks like my coworker back there, stammering something and noticeably embarrassed, so I give some quick excuse of my own and walk into the building to my desk.

    What I did not realize until he came to profusely apologize to me is that he was in the back with his partner, who I had not seen at all in the twelve seconds I was in the room with them, and they were taking advantage of what they thought would be an empty building. I was reassured that he would never ever be doing that again.

    To my knowledge he never did, but I also never went to work that early again. Or entered through the storage room, for that matter.

  22. Easily Mortified*

    My father tells the story of the time he was interviewing for his first professional job, and he was sitting with his leg crossed at the knee. He was already bombing the interview and knew he wasn’t getting the job, but for some reason, the interviewer kept dragging it out. Eventually, the interview ended, and he got up to shake the guy’s hand – but his foot and leg were asleep from sitting with his legs crossed for so long. He lost his balance and fell into the cubicle wall, knocking everything over! He says he looked up from the ground and said to the guy “I didn’t get the job, did I?” The interviewer just shook his head.

    1. Quill*

      This has happened to me twice during interviews: not the leg falling asleep, but being taken on a building tour and abruptly wiping out.

      Once, I do not have clearance to enter the elevator, so we take the fire stairs, which are made of thin, sharp grating and extremely steep. My interview shoe catches beneath an open riser and plummets a 20+ foot story down and I have to retrieve it. The grating is extremely sharp: I limp very slowly clutching the handrail.

      On another interview I step into the shiny, polished floor of “And this is our shipping bay” and immediately find the world’s smallest sheen of condensation and wipe out, making a noise like someone dropped a whole pallet of product, and getting a huge stripe of forklift wheel dirt smeared from my knee to my shoulder. Immediately after this, I am shuffled in to meet the prospective grandboss: I do not get the job.

    2. londonedit*

      Oh god, I’ve done something very similar! Though in my case I was in my first proper editorial job, still very junior, and it was one of the first times I’d been allowed to sit in on a meeting with an author. There was the author, their agent, the department boss and my immediate boss, and they were all discussing the publication timeline for the author’s book. I was listening in and taking notes. I had my legs crossed and could feel pins-and-needles starting in my foot, but I felt like uncrossing my legs and shaking my foot out would draw too much attention to myself, so I just sat there until the end of the meeting. At which point everyone got up and shook hands with the author and agent, and I got up, put my foot to the floor and promptly fell over. Attempted to style it out by saying ‘So sorry, just tripped over there!’ but the department head looked absolute daggers at me and afterwards had a ‘quiet word’ with me about behaving professionally in meetings. I was absolutely mortified and it still haunts me 20 years later.

      1. metadata minion*

        That seems so unfair of the department head! It wasn’t like you fell over on purpose; what did he think you were supposed to do?

  24. Brain the Brian*

    I feel like I’ve read #11 before. Maybe someone shared it in the comments on a previous Mortification Week post and it finally made the roundup this time?

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Mortification Week posts are all stories that have been shared at some point before — most of them will be appearing in a compilation for the first time, but each day will also include a few that have been featured before that I especially like (“have you ever seen someone die?” will be a forever favorite).

      2. I always forget what name I used last time*

        I’m so glad I’ve been able to keep entertaining you with this LOL

    2. Hlao-roo*

      #11 on this post was #15 on the “the overheard self-talk, the shoplifting, and other times you mortified yourself in job interviews” post from October 25, 2023.

  25. Lady Danbury*

    Related to #2, when I was in my first year of law school, I would often do online jigsaw puzzles during class when I didn’t need to take notes. It was a mindless activity for me and actually helped me focus on what the professor was saying (hello self diagnosed adhd). My classmates who sat near me all thought I wasn’t paying attention until the professor cold called me (the joys of the socratic method). Not only did I respond without missing a beat, but I was able to answer each question correctly before going back to my jigsaw puzzle (while still listening and following along).

    1. a clockwork lemon*

      My sophomore or junior year of college I took a class with a professor I had a good relationship who had taught me a couple times before. One day he kept me after class and very kindly told me that while he knew *I* didn’t need to pay much attention, my classmates definitely did, and could I please stop playing whatever game I was playing during class.

      Apparently the three dudes who sat behind me spent the whole time watching me play Flappy Bird on my laptop, which he could knew because they’d tilt their heads and make faces in reaction to me playing! I wanted to disappear into the floor being called out like that.

    2. Jay (no, the other one)*

      My 9th grade geometry teacher: yes, I know Jay is doing the crossword puzzle on her lap. If you got grades like hers, you could do that too.

  26. SHEILA, the co-host*

    When I was interviewing for current job, I was getting ready at the hotel the morning of the interview, when I noticed my eyebrows looked a little unkempt. I hadn’t remembered to pack tweezers, but I did have one of those little vibrating razors you can use on nose hair, eyebrows, etc. Dear Reader, my hands were shaky due to the all day interview I was about to endure. I did not so much tame the unruly eyebrow as slice an entire section of hair out of it. After what seemed like an eternity of gaping at myself in the mirror, I managed to sort of disguise it with dark eyeshadow (I don’t use brow products because my brows are thick and dark so I wasn’t carrying any), and swooped my bangs over the area as best I could without covering my eye.

    Of course, no one noticed it at all, and I’m still with the same group 15 years later.

  27. Lauren*

    I was young and innocent! I got roped into participating in the annual “employee excellence day” video. The direction for the video was something along the lines of “you’re outside and having fun.” 22 year-old, first real job me decided to do a cartwheel at one point not knowing this would be the corporate equivalent of making the Olympic gymnastics team. Of course it made it into the video. I worked at a medium sized org, but my job brought me into contact with a lot of people, all of whom knew me as “cartwheel girl” until the day I left.

    1. bryeny*

      Honestly, it sounds like you nailed it – a cartwheel is the visual translation of “we are having fun out here!” Hope you weren’t *too* embarrassed.

  28. K in Boston*

    Not me, but two stand-outs I was lucky enough to bore witness to:

    1. I was on a fairly sizeable Zoom presentation — not hundreds and hundreds of people, but maybe 70+ folks. In the middle of one of the presentations, we hear my colleague (an audience member, not a presenter) say quite audibly, “Who’s a good boy? Who’s the best boy? You are, Jackson! You are! What a good boy! You’re such a good boy! Oh, Jackson, what a good boy.” (To be fair, Jackson IS a very good dog. That fact just wasn’t relevant to hospital scheduling updates.)

    2. My coworker won Employee of the Month in our department. Part of the “prize” for this was that you’d get a little interview done (three brief questions), and they’d email out your picture with your interview answers, and post your picture and interview answers around the department, so that everyone could recognize what a great employee you are.

    One of the questions was, “What do you like to do in your free time?” My coworker answered: “I love to Netflix and chill :)”

    When I got the email, I forwarded it to my coworker with a note: “Congratulations! Also, do you know what ‘Netflix and chill’ means?”

    Reader, she did not.

    Another well-meaning — but not always great with his words — co-worker, in an attempt to console the Employee of the Month, told her, “Well, at least everyone knows you’re easy.” This did not help the way he thought it would.

    1. Expelliarmus*

      How… did he think it was gonna help? I can’t think of many people who feel complimented by basically being told that they don’t have significant standards.

    2. Sola Lingua Bona Lingua Mortua Est*

      I had no idea… I could see myself making a similar faux pas from lack of knowledge of the popular euphemisms.

    3. goddessoftransitory*

      I would remain obsessed with Jackson the Good Boy for the entirety of my employment there.

    4. Merrie*

      Hey, at least it was “Who’s a good boy?” and not “D***it Jackson, we don’t sh** on the rug!”

  29. Seashell*

    My husband told me about a similarly mortifying hickey story while he was with his girlfriend before me. It was in the days before email, so his manager spoke to him in person about it being not office appropriate. He was very anti-hickey thereafter.

  30. ZSD*

    #5 I don’t understand why the wrong Anne asked for Jo and then gave them a tour. Do they try to recruit all new people to their prayer group? Did they just mean to say hi, and then when Jo seemed to expect something more, decided to give a tour?

    1. Seashell*

      Maybe Anne was trying to make small talk and asked Jo if she had every been in that building before?

    2. Nameless*

      I read it as a case of mistaken identity all around – the LW indicates that Jo is a stand-in for a really popular 80s girl’s name. The two most popular girl’s names in the US from the 70-90s were Jessica & Jennifer, and they were INSANELY popular (Jennifer was the number one name in every state, for several years running!) so assuming it’s one of those it would be very, very easy for two people of the same name, relative age, and gender to be waiting in the lobby!

    3. I didn't say banana*

      I assume Anne was meant to meet a different Jo and give her a tour before introducing her to the group

    4. Filosofickle*

      Since they both had the right name, I assumed there were — however improbably — two Annes who worked there meeting and two people named Jo who were new.

  31. Lower Decks! Lower Decks!*

    Poster #2 – I’m also neurodivergent and a Star Trek fan.
    I love your story!

    Looking for a what to watch next for you and any other Trekkies on this thread –
    This year my spouse and I watched DS9 for the first time and loved it.
    Next Gen was the series that got us into Trek.
    We just finished a rewatch of Strange New Worlds.
    I’m also a Lower Decks and Prodigy fan.
    What should I watch next?!!

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      I haven’t watched myself yet but I’ve heard very good things about the Orville. It’s been on my list for awhile but since I don’t have any of the platforms it streams on I have gotten around to it yet.

      1. Yvette*

        The Orval isn’t a Star Trek series. If anything it’s more of a good-natured spoof of Star Trek. It is, however, very funny.

        1. Yvette*

          Sorry should’ve been Orville. Some days I have trouble typing on my phone and use the voice feature. It doesn’t always translate well.

        2. Slow Gin Lizz*

          I know, but from what I understand it’s a really good series and lots of Trek fans love it.

      2. whimbrel*

        My spouse just watched his way through it and is starting his second go-through. I haven’t paid direct attention to it but I dip in every so often and I concur it’s really good.

        It is for sure poking fun at Trek and TNG specifically, but it’s also quite obviously coming from someone who loves Trek, and it makes me really want to watch TNG again. :)

    3. Orv*

      Star Trek: Picard gets really good in the second season. The first season kind of missed the mark for me, though; your mileage may vary.

      1. Filosofickle*

        Maybe I’ll try the second season then. The first never clicked for me, despite my being a fan of the Picard character.

        1. Slow Gin Lizz*

          FWIW, I really did NOT like season 2 of Picard. It got pretty dark and retconned a bunch of stuff that made no sense to me. But season 3 was great.

      2. Lower Decks! Lower Decks!*

        Thanks.

        I’m a Next Gen fan so I try to not judge a series by the first season. :-)

    4. Nightengale*

      Strange New Worlds and also Discovery are/were enthralling me with depictions of friendship and mentoring, especially between women.

    5. allathian*

      You should also give Enterprise and Voyager a try. ENT is especially good in the third and fourth seasons with the longer story arcs, but the first two seasons are necessary for the story to make sense.

      Voyager is also a decent show as long as you think of it it as TNG lite. The story was very episodic and actions didn’t really have consequences the way they did in DS9 or later shows like Discovery (which I haven’t seen). One of the writers, Ronald D. Moore, was so disappointed with the network execs that he went on to make the first genuinely dystopic space sci-fi show, the Battlestar Galactica remake, a few years later.

      1. Slow Gin Lizz*

        VOY is my fave series, tbh. Janeway is my favorite captain. There are definitely problems with VOY (as with all the series) but I think it does a much better job representing women in Starfleet than TNG (as does DS9, actually). The fact that TNG and VOY were so episodic does bother me and really stands out if you’re binging them these days, but they still have some really good episodes.

        1. Emily*

          Agreed- Voyager and TNG are tied as my favorites. They both have the same feeling, and arguably Voyager captures more of the pure exploration spirit of Star Trek than any other series. (I actually love episodic shows personally.)

  32. I'm just here for the cats!!*

    Prayer group: This is honestly not your fault except that you maybe should have asked after the first prayer. Honestly if I had been prayer group Anne I would have went with you and explained that there was a mix up and that she stole you from the real Anne.

    I feel mortified for you!

  33. Dee W*

    Not me, but a friend who was applying for a job after undergrad. For some reason, she wasn’t prepared to hear the company’s voicemail and instead of hanging up, she blurted out, “I’m calling about the interview? Uh, I can’t remember my name right now, but I’ll call you right back.” Reader, she in fact did call back and leave her name. She didn’t get the interview.

  35. Lower Decks! Lower Decks!*

    Poster #2 – I’m also neurodivergent and a Star Trek fan.
    I love your story!

    Looking for a what to watch next for you and any other Trekkies on this thread –
    This year my spouse and I watched DS9 for the first time and loved it.
    Next Gen was the series that got us into Trek.
    We just finished a rewatch of Strange New Worlds.
    I’m also a Lower Decks and Prodigy fan.
    What should I watch next?!!

  37. Quill*

    The prayer group remains a nightmare scenario despite my name being so uncommon that it’s basically impossible. Mostly I don’t trust myself to not go to the wrong place, get the wrong person, and end up doing something completely tangential to what I should be doing and an hour and a half late!

    2. Freya*

      Before I changed my last name after marriage, there were probably less than 50 people in the world with my full name. One of them lived in the same city as me, was thirty years younger than me and infinitely sportier.

  38. Empress Ki*

    9# I don’t know if I missed something because I don’t get it. Where is the mortification ?

    1. Lis*

      CFO and husband had not met, but CFO sent flowers for husbands family member. So when they met and OP said this is my husband CFO remembered his loss and said “my condolences” meaning his recent loss but the conversation went “I’m OPs husband” and her boss said “Condolences” implying being married to OP was unfortunate.

  39. Georgia Carolyn Mason*

    Hickey person: if it makes you feel better, I had to go into work with a scarf covering hickeys when I was…31! My boyfriend at the time thought it was hiiiiiilarious that I had to wear a jaunty scarf in August (legal job, conservative dress). He was mistaken!

    1. Nicole Maria*

      That was me haha, and I have had the same experience again recently after I went on a first date — except I’m 34 now and I did know to wear the scarf. A few co-workers questioned me about the scarf, but that’s better than the alternative.

      1. goddessoftransitory*

        I’m honestly just amazed hickeys are still a thing! They just seem so seventies/eighties to me.

        1. allathian*

          Or very young. When I was in high school and had my first dates, I always got hickeys because I bruise very easily. I confess to sometimes wearing foundation to my neckline to hide them when I got sick of being laughed at by my classmates. This was in the late 80s when scarves weren’t a popular fashion accessory.

          1. Nicole Maria*

            Yeah I don’t know what it is, I wasn’t alive for most of the 80s and I also wasn’t able to date in high school (I wanted to, but was entirely unsuccessful haha) so maybe that has to do with it, I didn’t get it out in my youth

        2. Nicole Maria*

          I was born in 1989 so maybe I’m just making up since I missed it the first time around?

  40. Anon For This*

    Definitely going anonymous for these two.

    That Star Trek one reminded me of the time I accidentally blasted the Thunderbirds danger music across our section of the building (a few group offices with half walls between them). Never seen the teams around us get up so fast to look at what we were doing. XD

    Beaten only by the time one of the cleaners was mopping with her headphones on and singing away. Perfectly reasonable I thought when she told me, until she added that it was the song Horny by Mousse T and the big boss came around the corner halfway through.

  41. DogFace Boy*

    3 Hickeys. This reminds me of a time when my coworker came to work with a neck full of hickeys, and she told everyone she had a “sun rash” and I had to stand next to her, nod, pretend that a sun rash is a thing that people are always getting, and pipe in that I too had had sun rashes before. I think it worked???

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      I do get rashes from the sun/overheating, but they sure don’t look like hickeys (I hope…oh, God…)

    2. londonedit*

      Yeah, I get ‘sun rashes’ but they look nothing like hickeys! For me a sun rash is prickly heat on my arms and chest, mainly – just an itchy pink rash. Definitely not a hickey!

  42. HappyPenguin*

    My own mortification incident happened a little over a year ago, while interviewing within my large company for a higher position in another building. Met with my immediate boss with whom I have an excellent relationship (and for whom this promotion would allow me to keep working) and another upper admin that I knew well enough to chat with when she visited the building. Easy, right?
    The interview room was hot and my face was a bit flushed which always embarrasses me. The interview was going really well, conversational back and forth and pretty comfortable. The final question from the other upper admin was “why should we choose you for this position?” Softball, right? Well I totally froze…I couldn’t think of one single reason why they should hire me. I hemmed and hawed a bit, then looked at my boss and asked “is it ok if I look at my notes?” He gave me the kindest smile, probably thinking internally what the hell is your problem, and said “of course.” I glanced at them, saw some key words that woke my brain up again, and proceeded to remember why – and share with them – I was the best choice.
    I got the job, and that story still makes me cringe, but is a favorite among my coworkers!
    I recently applied for and received another promotion within the building (due to a retirement) so I hope to stay put now until MY retirement!

  43. jesicka309*

    I’m now reminded of the many faux pas I made in my first internship during uni, including:
    – Somehow bluffing my way into an internship because the manager got me mixed up with a different volunteer she’d worked with (she never figured it out but I had to keep up the charade of ‘oh yes, when I worked that football event where we met’ when it was a different event!)
    – Going out the night before I had my second interview for the internship to ‘celebrate’ and turning up wildly hungover (I probably smelt of beer!)
    – Not having any office appropriate clothes and having to borrow office clothes from my mum. The only shirt that fit me was sleeveless and gaped under the arms so I wore a cardigan over the top. It was 40 degrees celsius that day so I couldn’t take it off, so I was sweating hard (see above, hungover)
    – Managing to somehow get the role, and proceeding to: blog about my experience working there much too candidly. It was part of my degree to keep a blog journal of my time but I went into way too much detail about how bored I was and the people I did/didn’t like. My intern supervisor had to take me aside and remind me that everyone was going to read as part of my assignment!
    – Trying to run a media briefing session and was unable to use the DVD player in front of journalists (not my fault, but utterly mortifying as they expected me to be an employee but I was an intern on her 4th day)
    – Again, somehow getting a job after my internship, and proceeding to sneak the free giveaway prizes as snacks when I was on the road to the point we ran out early, wearing slippers to the office when it was just me in there (fine at 6 am on a Sunday in winter, not so fine when you’re heading on the road or leaving the office at 12 pm).
    – Also managed to reverse our promo car into a tree in the parking lot – didn’t admit it until the security team showed me the tape of me doing it, checking the extent of the damage, and running away.
    -Having another car accident in the promo car by running up the back of another car in peak hour traffic. To be fair, by that point I was working 6 am – 4 pm 6-7 days a week and much of that work was driving. So I honestly just dozed off at the wheel while idling on the freeway.
    -Sleeping in and missing a shift, and not knowing who to call, ringing reception to tell them to tell the TV show I worked for that their promo car wouldn’t be on site!
    -Having to call the security team multiple times on the road because I locked the keys of the promo car in the car (they had to taxi the spares to me), managed to lock the steering wheel of the car by parking so poorly, and filling up the diesel engine with petrol and needing a tow.

    And after all that…. crying in the office of my manager because she had dangled the prospect of a full time role in front of me, then hired a different intern from another city and paid for her to move to our city. Yes, I cried, in front of her. Yes, they still made me drive the promo car out to the docks to pick up the car they had freighted over for her, and I complained to the other intern the whole way about how unfair it was.

    Honestly I was a nightmare, only 9 months there and I’ve only given the highlights :( I could write a whole series for Alison about how I was the worst intern in the world.

      1. jesicka309*

        I should have! Honestly that place was a dumpster fire in itself. My first week as an employee, I got stuck in traffic driving the promo car, and arrived back at the office much later than the four hour shift I was scheduled for. When I tried to submit my timesheet with a revised 5 hours (because I’d ended up needing an extra 30 min each way) it was rejected by head office. So essentially I (illegally) had to work for free anytime I needed to work longer hours outside of my control. Even if they asked me to stay back or do something extra, they refused to pay me any more than they’d budgeted for that week.
        I also had to submit all my timesheets via fax (in 2010!) and I often didn’t get paid because the head who needed to sign the paperwork was too busy and missed payroll.

        Maybe I should write a book or a TV show.

  47. Roja*

    Ah, the hickey story takes me back to college. Okay, here’s the scene–small Christian college with a kick-butt dance program. Very eccentric professor that says the most random things you can possibly think of, not all of them appropriate. Mixed group of students, mostly very naive and shy and quintessential “sheltered Christian kid.” That day, there was a prospective student visiting, who looks just as naive and shy as most of us.

    So we all walk into class and are prepared to start as normal. We’ve been introduced to the prospective student and are on our best behavior. Well, except the professor. He promptly sends the new kid out to wait in the hallway and goes on a long rant about hickeys and appropriate attire for ballet class and appropriate behavior and kicking us out of class if he ever saw one again. We’re all feeling rather confused by this point as plenty of us didn’t even know what a hickey WAS, let alone know who/what prompted this. Finally he finished his rant and let the new kid back in to watch, and we started class as normal.

    Normal, that is, until halfway through the class when he imitated us doing a step badly and called out enthusiastically, “Don’t fall down… and don’t get a hickey!!!!” We just stared at him in mortification.

    The prospective student did not enroll.

  48. Jennifleur*

    As someone who is neurodivergent enough that I would probably also answer the ‘how do you deal with stress’ generically and honestly – I just hate interview questions SO MUCH. They’re a different language and I haven’t learnt it yet even after 10 years of working.

    1. Paint N Drip*

      uuuuuuugh true! I’ve been working in professional spaces for over 15 years and my interview self is just.. a mess. Sometimes I get down on myself for my (lack of) professional growth but the stress of job searching and interviewing is not for me

  49. Ailsa McNonagon*

    About four months ago I was due to attend a big meeting at a building I’m familiar with. I got there slightly early, looking passably professional, and looking forward to seeing other humans as I WFH most of the time.

    I strolled into the big meeting room, a bit puzzled that the meeting was already in full swing as I had it down as 1pm, and this was ten-to. So I quietly and unobtrusively got myself a cup of tea and helped myself to a big slice of the cake on the refreshment table, and went in search of a seat. I parked myself and looked around for some familiar faces.

    It was someone else’s meeting. I’d gate-crashed and helped myself to a big slice of someone’s birthday cake.

    Needless to say, I slunk out of the room muttering apologies. But I kept hold of the cake!

  50. Dogberry*

    My colleagues had to go and photograph a house belonging to a titled couple (think Lord and Lady … but higher), who were both very elderly. They were accompanied around the house by the couple’s daughter, taking reference photos of the interior. When they got one of the bedrooms, they were told that her mother was in there convalescing after a heart attack, but it was totally fine to go in and they should just ‘work around her’. My colleagues were horrified and desperately tried to photograph everything relevant to our work in the room as quickly as possible while the poor lady lay in bed and her confused elderly husband wandered around. Every time I had to check something on those photos I cringed (and the ones of the ensuite which was full of sick-old-people paraphernalia).

  51. TrixieJeep*

    When in college, I was looking for a summer job. My friends had been hired at a very good hourly rate doing factory work. We came up with the idea that I would just show up to orientation saying I, too, had been hired. I even had to buy (or my parents did) steel toed boots for the job. On the first day, after about an hour, one of the managers pulled me aside and asked me who I was & what I was doing there. It was humiliating. What the #$%& were we thinking??

  52. Baby Yoda*

    Right out of high school I was hired at an upscale photography studio. Very first day, I answer the phone to some male voice who asked if “we take pictures of cox…” and just in case this was someone with a bird who wanted photos done, I played along on the phone longer than I should have. Ugh.

    1. Merrie*

      I had a call center job for an office supply chain for a little while, calling customers to follow up on their delayed orders. I called what it quickly became evident was a phone sex line and I listened to the automated message for a bit, trying to figure out if there was an option to get an admin or whatever, because I thought hey, that’s a business, maybe they did order some office supplies! No, someone just copied the number down wrong and thus I called the wrong company.

  53. Echo*

    #2, you are not alone! We often have long working sessions at my company during the race to the finish line on a project, where we’ll basically set up in a conference room all day to talk things through and put together the final pieces. When I was very junior, I would play games on my phone to keep my hands busy and avoid completely zoning out in these working sessions. Everyone could see me! The tone of the email I got later from my manager was equally stern and confused.

    I guess I can learn from my mistakes, because I’m still here (and have learned to put my phone down when I’m at work). I’ve never been assessed for autism but it would also be a surprise to absolutely no one.

  54. AnonForThis*

    I didn’t think I had one, but I do! Anonymous for this, because I’m pretty sure this is very identifiable — in fact, burned into the brains of– anyone who was on this call.

    This is an example of Two Well Meaning People stumbling into a hole and then just… digging to the magma layer.

    The setting: a work zoom meeting, before everything was zoom meetings. The culture: cameras optional. Everyone’s logging on, saying hi, doing audio checks. “Bob” says brightly “Hi Anon! We can hear you and see you!” I gape in horror, fumble for my camera cover, realize it’s closed. Bob was joking. I hiss “That *isn’t funny*. You *know* where I *am*.” Bob: “I don’t?”

    Reader, I was taking the call from the nursing/pumping room. Tits out. I thought by then everyone just knew why I disappeared every 3 hours. Bob turned a remarkable shade of purple, apologized profusely, and we never spoke of it again.

  55. Aldvs*

    Ahhh–the zipper. I was meeting team members at work before we headed to the airport to travel for a business meeting. I had on my most professional dress that gives me confidence and travels well for this important meeting with a client that was…. difficult–I needed all the confidence I could muster. I walk into work and noted that my dress seemed as though there was more room than usual… that’s when my coworker runs up behind me and says that my zipper (that goes alllll the way down my back from my shoulders to past my waist) was down–all the way down. Yikes! She proceeds to help me out and zip it up, but it wasn’t unzipped, the zipper was fully broken–split open and we can’t get it back together.

    Here I am, 30 minutes from home, and need to leave for the airport in about 20 minutes to catch my flight. Que my awesome coworkers who managed to run out and get a needle and thread and “sew” me into the dress, and another coworker who had a sweater that kind of matched and covered everything in the back. Ah! What a long day that was!

  56. History Nerd*

    I was just recounting to a colleague this morning an embarrassing story about something I did recently. I was at a conference and unexpectedly saw a friend. She’s in an adjacent field to mine and has many social connections within mine, but it was very unexpected nonetheless. So after saying hi and giving her a hug, I said, “What are you doing here?” with a smile. Except we were standing in a busy hallway between sessions so there was a lot of noise, distractions, and other people. I repeated it twice, each time getting drowned out by something or someone else, plus my friend was dodging people. By the time I repeated it a 4th time, the frustration of not being heard the first 3 had crept into my voice and I basically demanded, “What are you doing here?” as if she shouldn’t even be there. Of course I apologized and we managed to have a good conversation but I still cringe when I think about it.

  57. Hyruseki*

    The Star Trek episode reminds me of my biggest work mortification:

    As a wee college grad in the mid 90s, I was invited to watch some professional work in the studio and they were kind enough to treat me to lunch. And as I always did at school lunch, I pulled out a book and started reading, at a table full of people who wanted to get to know me better (and in hindsight probably offer me a job) but I ignored them because I was taught that lunchtime is my time and I didn’t pick up on the social cues.

    I don’t have an autism diagnosis but I am certainly on the spectrum and I still cringe when I think back to the shocked looks on everyone’s face when I pointedly ignored them and kept reading my book. Of course, I never heard from them again.

  58. Jessica Wakefield*

    Re #3-Hickeys:

    The AAM community is incredibly progressive—we’ll fight to the death for barefooted nap-taking polyamory—while also finding a way to consider every side of a story—but I’ve never seen a comment defending hickeys.

    Is it universally agreed that hickeys are the exclusive province of horny 19-year-olds?

    1. Nicole Maria*

      I guess so haha, that was my story, and someone commented here saying something similar happened to them except they were 31, and then I commented again saying unfortunately that’s true for me as well, thankfully this time I knew to cover up since I was 34, and I had a few people on here comment that they were surprised as hickeys were such a high school thing. I replied back saying, I wasn’t able to date in high school (not like I wasn’t allowed, I just literally couldn’t get a date) so maybe I was making up for lost time…

      All that is to say, I think you’re right since I am feeling the judgment for sure.

        1. Nicole Maria*

          I mean personally I’m neutral on it… most of the time it’s embarrassing which is why I submitted it for mortification week. I just didn’t expect other women to be weird about it in response.

  59. Interview Gaffe Gold Medalist*

    Reading through these reminds me of several mortifying interviews I’ve had. It’s a miracle I’m employed at all!

    First job out of college was at a certain very large theme park in Florida. The interviewer told me that the dress code required a natural hair color. My hair at the time was lightened and I had some dark roots — I was broke, had just moved cross-country, didn’t have a stylist lined up yet, and was just plain stressed out. Instead of simply nodding and agreeing to take care of it, I got defensive, teared up, shot back that blonde *is* a natural hair color. They hired me anyway, I’m guessing because they just needed warm bodies, given the abysmal churn rate.

    Two jobs later, I was interviewing at bank and the hiring manager asked me about my goals and I told him I wanted to be a poet. I somehow got that job, too? I honestly don’t know how. But he was a super nice guy and one of my favorite bosses and actually tried to make a counter offer when I left, so I apparently wasn’t such a disaster as my interviewing experience implied I might be.

    The next is one where I was desperately job seeking to get out of a highly toxic situation, and I had to rush halfway across a large-ish city on my lunch hour to get to an interview. Of course, I got pulled over for speeding, and had to call the company I was interviewing with to let them know I was running late and why. My adrenaline was running so high by the time I arrived that I was shaking and could barely think. Nothing would have salvaged that interview, and I did *not* get the job. My luck with mortifying interviews ran out on that one.

    Last story is that I agreed to take a phone interview at a specific time in the morning. I had a commute on public transit to my current job every morning, and I had timed it so that I would be at a specific cafe downtown to take the call before heading into the office. Or so I thought. There was a medical emergency on the train that day, which meant my train was held up and I was *still on it* when my phone rang. I could hardly hear anything. The interviewer asked if we should reschedule but NO! I was determined to make it work! I got off at the next stop and rushed to find a bench away from the train, all the while stalling this poor interviewer and getting more and more flustered. That interview didn’t go anywhere, either.

    Anyway, I am currently happily employed and have been interview gaffe-free for over a decade so I truly hope my mortification streak is well behind me.

  60. librarian*

    I cannot tell you how hard I laughed at the prayer group one AND the interviewee who thought they were on Project Runway trying to get the good fabric first. My god.

  61. Elio*

    Ok for #7 did the guy realize you accidentally said something that sounds very sexual and say anything about it? I’m sorry but I laughed so much that I must know.

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