{ 438 comments… read them below }

  1. notagirlengineer*

    I *really* do miss the family time at the holidays, but even after 15 years, I am SO GLAD we stopped traveling for winter holidays once we had kids! I wish my kids were more connected to their aunt, uncles, cousins, etc. The stress and uncertainty of traveling this time of year was just too hard. I’m really curious what things will look like 10 years from now when all the kids are adults.

    1. MB*

      I feel you. We mostly had to let go of extended family time due to complicated, all absorbing dynamics of various in laws. It’s a loss. But recently started some other traditions like meeting for fall apple picking or a summer bowling/picnic. So I’m hopeful that these get togethers will foster some sort of relationship as they move into early adulthood. It takes 2 sides to tango, we’ll see if it continues. Sigh.

    2. anotherfan*

      well, from my experience … you go back to traveling when your kids grow up and have kids of their own!

    3. EA*

      I agree! We do more family visits in the summer, and I prefer it 1000%. I stopped traveling in December in 2020 and haven’t picked it up again. Holiday travel, especially with kids (and all the stuff you have to bring for them!) is the worst.

      One of my BFFs has always done Thanksgiving earlier in November or over Veteran’s Day weekend with her side of the family. Then everyone has the actual Thanksgiving Day to either visit other family or just chill and not travel. I think that’s an awesome approach!

    4. Katie*

      As someone who rarely saw their extended family at holidays, it was fine. I had a big family though ( 5 siblings). We just made our own awesome traditions.

    5. goddessoftransitory*

      I only get Thanksgiving Day off, and frankly it’s been a blessing more often than a curse. Knowing we can’t go anywhere (all our remaining family members are across the country) means that we can relax and cook the full whack without having to accommodate fifteen different dietary needs or sleep on an air mattress for three nights.

      I always call my sister who is in the middle of the entire meshuga and am reminded of why this is the best way.

      1. J Marie*

        I am thrilled to be spending tomorrow doing chores and loafing around the house with my husband and kids. My in laws are out of town, my sister in law and her family aren’t coming in, I had a few visitors last week. Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday, I always host because I have the biggest house by orders of magnitude and I resent it. I am capable of hosting 10 to 15 people but I hate all of the extra input, people showing up with food I didnt plan for (like a ham) or people I wasn’t expecting (once removed cousins, etc.). My mom has a bunch of demands around particular foods that have to be her way. BUT I’m totally free this year and I am thrilled. We are going to have a charcuterie board, do some yardwork, and watch movies.

    6. Unkempt Flatware*

      My motto is that holidays are for immediate families. It’s just too much for me otherwise.

      1. allathian*

        This introvert heartily concurs. I do enjoy the occasions when we get together with my extended family once removed, i.e. no aunts, uncles, or cousins, just my parents and sister and my MIL, her husband, and my SIL. Including my immediate family of myself, my husband, and our son, that’s a maximum of 9 people, perfectly manageable with a table that can be extended to seat 10. Exhausting, but manageable.

        I realize I’m very lucky in that both my FOO and my husband’s FOO live a short drive away, 15 minutes in good weather, not guaranteed in winter at this latitude. When I was a kid we spent every other Christmas with my maternal grandparents/grandma (including aunts and uncles and cousins) and every other with my paternal grandparents. My paternal grandma griped a bit about this, but my maternal grandparents lived more than 6 hours away, so it wasn’t practical to celebrate with both. That said, when we went to my maternal grandparents for Christmas we usually spent NYE with my paternal grandparents.

    7. Audiophile*

      As a kid, my mom occasionally went to her parents’ house, and her brothers took their kids. This wasn’t a long-standing tradition and mostly stopped once I could walk. As each sibling came along, the Thanksgiving visit would start again until said kid was walking, lol. Christmas was the bigger to-do, in that everyone got together; arrivals were mostly scattered throughout the day, though.
      Either way, the family get-togethers stopped once my grandfather passed away. With my cousins scattered around the country, keeping in touch has been reduced to a sporadic text or Facebook/Instagram message. I’d pin this more on my mom’s relationship with her brothers, she’s not super close to any of them.

  2. Tradd*

    I am so glad that the friends I’m having dinner with tomorrow do NOT serve that crappy green bean casserole as well as the vile pistachio pudding. I grew up with both. Horrid. Just horrid. My mother was always horribly offended I refused to eat both after one bite. Ugh. Green beans are NOT a favorite anyway. I’m looking forward to homemade stuffing with plenty of homemade gravy tomorrow. And homemade cranberry-orange relish. Yum!

      1. RussianInTexas*

        Partner’s ex-MIL makes the most horrible stuffing. With undercooked onions and OLIVES.
        Nothing wrong with olives per se. But not the sliced canned olives in STUFFING.

      3. Artemesia*

        My husband does two kinds of stuffings with corn bread both of which are crowd favorites. One is with smoked oysters and the other with sausage. Almost everyone likes one or the other. And they are really good with turkey and gravy the next day.

    2. Paris Geller*

      I love green beans, but hate green bean casserole. Green beans with a little seasoning are delicious, I don’t see the need to smother them in cream and crispy onion bits!

        1. Venus*

          My most favorite and least favorite thing in one dish! Lightly cooked green beans with a bit of oil and seasoning are almost perfection, where eating beans straight off the vine on a warm day is complete perfection.

          1. my brain is full*

            my mum used to lightly cook green beans from the garden, and serve with butter and salt. Beautiful. I liked the cooking because melty butter on green beans is awesome

      2. Middle Aged Lady*

        It’s not my favorite, either—not horrible, but I don’t see why people love it. However, our friends who are coming tomorrow need a boost of cheer and fhey asked for it. So I will content myself with sneaking extra bits of the yummy fried onions that go on top while I al cooking.
        I am also happy that they aren’t fond of turkey, either. I prefer a roast chicken and that’s what we are having. I got one of those stands you set the chicken on upright a few years ago and it’s a game-changer. The bird cooks more evenly and more quickly.

    3. Panicked*

      I am with you on the green bean casserole. It’s gross. But we will fight over the Watergate salad. It’s DELICIOUS.

      1. RussianInTexas*

        The various Midwestern “salads” make me believe that Slavic people and Midwesterners have some kind of telepathic connection. In food.

        1. carcinization*

          I love green bean casserole as well (the totally processed version, the in-between version, and the version where every component is home-made including the fried onions… and I’ve made them all), and have never had or probably even heard of the green pistachio stuff. I guess the pistachio thing is eaten in a different part of the country than where I live. Tomorrow I’m making roasted green beans with lemon zest, parmesan, and almonds instead though (yes, we’re having the fancy meal on Friday and not Thursday this year).

    4. FrogEngineer*

      Green Bean Casserole (or hotdish where I’m from) can be great or it can be terrible, depending on how you make it. I usually like it but can’t blame anyone who doesn’t.

      1. Forrest Rhodes*

        I join you in the “likes GBC” category, FrogEngineer. For me, the recipe for green bean casserole is just a jumping-off place. At different times, I’ve added different kinds of chiles, sometimes various mushrooms with sauteed garlic and onions, whatever sounds interesting.
        I even like making it when it’s not Thanksgiving: add a goodly amount of shredded cooked chicken to the GBC, bake it, and it’s a whole meal on its own.
        I do appreciate those who hate, loathe, and abominate GBC, though—it just means there’s more for us GBC fans!
        A happy Turkey Day to you all! :)

      3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        I have never heard those two things referred to as interchangeable. Like, aren’t tater tots a required part of hotdish? And I have never encountered green bean casserole with tater tots.

        1. My Brain is Exploding*

          Isn’t “hotdish” something from ND or MN? In ND, it’s a casserole which usually has ground beef and noodles in it.

    5. Forest Hag*

      I hate green bean casserole as well, and my side of the family doesn’t really like it so we don’t serve it. But my husband’s family likes it (even though he hates it), so it’s always there. Most of the time no one hassles us about, but some people act like we’re offending the Thanksgiving Overlords if we don’t eat it.

      Re: stuffing (or dressing) – my sister has mastered our grandmother’s cornbread dressing and it is heaven. That was always my favorite part of Thanksgiving and I’m glad I can still enjoy it, after our grandmother passed (she was a top tier grandma and is very much missed).

    6. FricketyFrack*

      More green bean casserole for meeee. Although I’m vegan and hate mushrooms, so mine’s more like a creamy sauce with onions and shallots instead of cream of mushroom soup, so I don’t know if it counts. Either way, I’m happy to eat all of it.

    7. MCL*

      Oh my goodness, I just found out now that the gross green fluff that nobody likes but everyone insists be present on the table is called “pistachio pudding.” I actually find that my family’s Thanksgiving spread almost entirely consists of “things you don’t really have to chew,” and I have always privately thought that there has to be a better way. During Covid, spouse and I had really yummy steaks and steamed fresh veggies and fresh bread, and it was DELIGHTFUL. But now we’re back to family hangs, and since we’re not hosting, I shut up, haha!

      1. Sylvia*

        So that’s what the pistachio pudding mix was doing in the Thanksgiving display at the grocery store. I’ve never seen it served at Thanksgiving before. It doesn’t seem like it would play nicely with the other traditional foods.

        1. Tradd*

          HAHAH! The pistachio pudding my mother always made was pistachio pudding mix, Cool Whip, crushed pineapple, and some sort of nuts, don’t remember which kind. The whole green goo was just nasty. Baby Boomers being fancy with convenience foods.

      2. Anita Brayke*

        I saw pistachio pudding at the store today, too. I’m 57 years old, and that’s the first time I’ve ever even heard about it. Is it like the Jell-o version of pistachio instant pudding from the 70s/80s?

        1. Tradd*

          See my comment above with how my mother made it. I assume you saw the Jello instant pistachio pudding mix?

      3. Artemesia*

        I have lived in the PNW, the South and now the Midwest and have never had or heard of pistachio pudding.

    8. goddessoftransitory*

      Speaking of green beans:

      What is up with recipes that tell you to only cook fresh beans for 5 to 7 seven minutes and then plunge them in an ice bath??? I have made at least three different versions of fresh green beans for a side over the years that say this and they ALL were as tough as an old canvas Army tent. The only recipe I’ve ever made that didn’t turn out like that is an Eastern one that stewed them in tomatoes and water for at least an hour.

      How long does the commetariat at large cook fresh green beans in general?

      1. sb51*

        I like them raw, so I’m definitely the target audience for the kind of recipe you’re running into; I generally like them with some texture left after cooking. I usually roast them if I’m making them for thanksgiving, and I’ve tried to make Chinese-takeout style but my stir-fry pan doesn’t get quite hot enough, I think.

        But also they can vary a lot—some of them are just tough—and some even raw aren’t—crisp, and not soft, but like cabbage or carrots, rather than like trying to eat a stick.

        1. amoeba*

          Yeah, good, tender green beans are definitely nice and not tough after cooking for 7 mins! They do have a nice crunch, but aren’t hard to chew or anything, at all.

      2. Evan88*

        I always cook them for about 1-2 hours with yellow potatoes, bacon, onions, garlic, and a ton of salt and pepper. Thats how everyone here does it. I’m in New Orleans so maybe it’s a regional thing.

        1. Clisby*

          Possibly. I’m from SC and cook them in beef broth (salted and peppered) for at least an hour on low. Sometimes I then drain off the broth and saute them in a lot of garlic; sometimes I add the garlic to the broth and cook the cloves down with the beans. I’m fine with the potatoes and bacon, but like it just well without so I don’t bother.

      3. Media Monkey*

        assuming the green beans you mean are the same as UK green beans (like about 4-6 inches long, round, stalk on the top you cut off, pointy end) i would cook in boiling water for about 7 mins and serve with salt and a knob of butter. however your green beans may be different! we don’t have green bean casserole (and generally cook a lot less food in soup than i understand USians do based on what has been discussed above – never mind the jelly-in-a-savoury-dish situation!)

    9. Elizabeth West*

      I like green beans, but I always thought that casserole looked like they were swimming in snot. >_<

      Stuffing is the BEST though. And mashed potatoes.

    10. Alex*

      My deep down darkest secret is that I wish my family would have/try new things for holiday meals. I’m so tired of our meal! I would even be up for a few fails if it wasn’t the same stinkin food year after year.

      However, I’m trying to be grateful to just have food, as well as the ability to go back to my own home and cook whatever I want.

      1. Lilo*

        I’ll cop to not really liking most traditional Thanksgiving foods. But people get a lot of expectations tied up with it. I’ve gotten away with doing pumpkin cheesecake instead of pumpkin pie. During covid we just made pasta, but my kid was too young to express opinions back then.

        1. allathian*

          I’m in Finland so we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but I feel the same about several Christmas dishes. I categorically refused to cook some that only one family member liked one Christmas, after which said family member started bringing it with them. Fine by me, as long as they took the leftovers with them. Nobody else touched that dish.

          1. Alex*

            That’s funny because I’m Finnish! Back when my grandmother was still alive we would always have lanttulaatikko at Christmas and sometimes Thanksgiving too. Is that one you’d have? I wasn’t a huge fan but at least it would be a change lol.

            1. londonedit*

              We have a Finnish Christmas Eve in my family and it involves lanttulaatikko and Rosolli salad, because those are the bits my Finnish relative likes! Also home-cured salmon, Abba herring in jars, dark bread and new potatoes.

    11. The OG Sleepless*

      Green bean casserole wasn’t a thing at my house. I don’t think I’d ever seen it until college. I’m not a fan either, and I like green beans ok.

    12. Can’t think of anything clever*

      I don’t understand why people ruin green beans with that casserole. Never did!

      1. Jasmine*

        I agree. I sauté or steam my green beans about seven minutes, add a little bit of butter and that’s it!

        My mom was from Alabama and I remember she used to cook vegetables until they were mush. I hated eating vegetables then. After I grew up I found out that I like vegetables prepared simply. You know, you can actually taste the vegetable.

    13. Smurfette*

      I’d never heard of pistachio pudding (not from the US, don’t do Thanksgiving) – but I love pistachios! How bad could it be (I thought to myself)?

      Well, I looked up the recipe and I’m confused. There’s a from-scratch pistachio pudding (pistachios, butter, milk, sugar, cornstarch) which sounds yum.

      And then there’s a pistachio pudding SALAD (boxed pistachio pudding mix (???), marshmallows, canned pineapple) and it sounds … not so good. But probably not that different in concept from some of my MIL’s desserts from the 70s – which consist largely of packaged things mixed or layered with other packaged things. So maybe this is a cousin of those evaporated milk + jello powder + canned fruit beloved of 70s homemakers.

    14. Artemesia*

      LOL. I cannot eat onions so I am perfectly happy that my extended family loves the vile green bean casserole — they are happy; I don’t eat it. My daughter came home from her first in law Thanksgiving one year and told me about this wonderful green bean casserole. I had to tell her that the reason we don’t have it for holidays is not because we don’t know about it — it is because we hate it.

  3. pagooey*

    Just popping in to say that those two beautiful little CatTurkeyPilgrims are giving ME holiday joy that would otherwise be in short supply. Wishing Alison and everyone happiness, gratitude, and an endless supply of non-Cheap-Ass Rolls!

  4. General von Klinkerhoffen*

    Happy Thanksgiving, those who celebrate! May you have cause to feel thankful, and be the reason someone else gives thanks.

      1. Falling Diphthong*

        Props on sensibly putting the holiday in October, when the weather is likely to be pleasant and it’s not less than four weeks until the next major family gathering.

        1. Unkempt Flatware*

          But in Canada, do people start decorating for Christmas in October because Thanksgiving is over?

          1. JayEss*

            we typically wait until after Halloween, and there are many people who strongly believe Christmas prep should wait until after remembrance day (nov 11)

            1. Caramel & Cheddar*

              Waiting until after Remembrance Day still gives folks 6 weeks to enjoy their decorations, so I don’t feel like it’s that onerous to wait. I don’t especially love the immediate flip from Halloween to Christmas on November 1, to be honest. Give me some time to breathe!

    2. allathian*

      Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate from Finland, too.

      Funnily enough, although we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, we certainly celebrate Black Friday and all its varieties. Several retailers are celebrating Black Month or Black Week as well, meaning that people can buy their Christmas presents at slightly more reasonable prices.

      I love Black Friday/Week/Month even if I’m not planning on buying anything simply because the Christmas ads are on hiatus. They started in early November but I haven’t seen any for at least a week.

      I don’t hate Christmas at all, but I prefer to keep the celebrations to the sixish weeks between 1st Sunday in Advent and 12th Night. I’m glad that when I worked retail 35 (!) years ago stores were much better at separating the holidays and seasons. Some seasonal products were only available in December, others around Easter, etc. I think it’s silly to be able to buy Easter Eggs at Christmas.

  5. Strive to Excel*

    Cooking & baking thread! Is anyone looking forwards to making a favorite recipe over the next few days? Or trying something new?

    This year we are finally not travelling so I can give in to my long-held desire to butterfly a chicken and roast it that way. Fingers crossed it comes out well!

    1. notagirlengineer*

      I am going to try an America’s Test Kitchen pumpkin pie that calls for cooking the filling to reduce it down for more concentrated flavor. I’ve always found pumpkin pie to be fine, but reading this recipe has me actually looking forward to trying it.

      1. Rachel*

        I did this recipe once and I loved it! It’s my favorite pumpkin pie recipe of all time. I hope it goes well for you!

    2. Zephy*

      I’ve been entrusted with the turkey for the third year running and I always spatchcock/butterfly it. 100/10 recommend, it cooks much faster and more evenly, and you maximize the crispy-skin factor. I’ve got to wrestle the bird this afternoon, I hope it’s thawed out by now. It’s been in the fridge since Thursday. Letting the bird sit in the fridge uncovered for a while will also help the skin dry out some, resulting in even crispier skin.

      I’ve also got to make a pumpkin pie, I guess I should do that tonight just so it’s ready. My husband also got a free pecan pie from work.

      1. Strive to Excel*

        Darn! I did not know the part about letting it sit uncovered; hopefully if I get to it tonight it should be fine.

        1. Always Tired*

          If you didn’t brine the bird, you can rub in some salt (and spices! might is well dry brine while you’re here), then leave it in the fridge uncovered. It’s very dry in the fridge, so the salt will draw the moisture out, which will then evaporate, resulting in a crispier skin when cooked.

    3. Always Tired*

      I am, as always, on the hook for apple pie. I will give you my two tips for amazing apple pie filling: (1) replace some of the white sugar with brown sugar. The molasses content gives a deeper, more caramel flavor. (2) add 1.5-2 times the cinnamon called for, and a bit extra nutmeg. Unless you got some godly apples, no need to try to let them take the whole stage. Jazz it up.

      also, don’t sleep on the America’s Test Kitchen pie crust recipe. The one with the vodka? It’s amazing and nearly fool proof.

    4. Aphrodite*

      I am alone tomorrow and no Thanksgiving dinner. And I am fine with that. But today I took the leftover roasted chicken bones, skin and some meat and combined it with TJ’s boxed chicken broth plus a huge quartered onion. Two hours later, I have a big bowl of fantastic broth that is both gelatinous and delicious. Yum.

    5. Kaden Lee*

      I’m making Julia Child’s garlic mashed potatoes and I’m so excited. definitely the highest effort dish this year, including the turkey (both a whole one with Alton Brown’s recipe and a smoked turkey breast).

      1. Clisby*

        My daughter and I make those potatoes for Christmas every year. When I was growing up, we never had potatoes for Thanksgiving – always rice. Potatoes were for Christmas, when we usually had ham.

      1. My Brain is Exploding*

        Are we related? Grew up with that. The only problem is that in the rare event that there are leftovers, it starts to taste fishy in a couple of days.

    7. tab*

      I’m making lots of dishes for Thanksgiving dinner, but my favorite is the pumpkin cheesecake. I only make it once a year, and it’s worth the wait.

    8. Mobie's Mom*

      Just me and the husband tomorrow, so I’m just making a turkey pot pie from my Amish cookbook. I make this once or twice a year, usually, because it’s more labor-intensive than I like on the regular, but it is FANTASTIC and I’m looking forward to it.

    9. Lore*

      My two non negotiables are Smitten Kitchen/Gramercy Tavern’s gingerbread Bundt cake, doctored a little with my own spin, and a cranberry-pomegranate relish that was in NYT cooking a few years back. My partner is not much of a dessert person but he LOVES this cake for breakfast the day after. He doesnt like the cranberries but the leftovers will go in oatmeal and yogurt for the next week so all good.

      1. Damn it, Hardison!*

        I love that cake! I haven’t made it yet this year but I might this weekend. It also freezes beautifully. Her gingerbread layer cake, which is the bundt cake tweaked, is a regular Christmas dessert.

      2. Harry*

        I love the gingerbread cake from Sally’s Baking Addiction. I make it in a loaf pan with no icing whenever I want dessert but didn’t buy any ingredients.

    10. Filosofickle*

      For most of the last 25 years I’ve made a pecan pie or my non-traditional pumpkin pie. This year I’m feeling apple but don’t want to do a big pie — there’s only 4 of us, and not big dessert people — so I’m making Ina Garten’s French Apple Tart. Never tried it before and am a little nervous! But I trust Ina.

    11. goddessoftransitory*

      I’m always in charge of stuffing/dressing, mashed potatoes and greens. This year I did cornbread/biscuit cheddar and bacon dressing and am making creamed spinach for the green. Mashed potatoes are pretty basic but I’m going to slip some sour cream in there!

      Husband made the pumpkin pie yesterday and the cranberry relish today. Tomorrow he is Turkey Guy.

    12. Snell*

      Babka. For literal years, I thought, “I’ll make this one day,” and that one day never really materialized. Well, I’m taking Big Food Day as the opportunity, and finally made solid plans to bake. I love cooking and baking, but sometimes it really helps me to have an excuse.

    13. Falling Diphthong*

      Right now I am roasting winter vegetables and halloumi, this week’s Smitten Kitchen recipe.

      1. Jane*

        Oh hey, I made that exact recipe earlier this week! It was a perfect “I wanna get some extra veggies in me ahead of Thanksgiving” dinner.

    14. old curmudgeon*

      I’ve already been cooking.

      There’s a vendor at our local Farmers’ Market that sells actual one-pound bags of cranberries, and I bought eight pounds last weekend! I made up six quarts of our favorite cooked ginger-cranberry-orange relish last weekend and have been enjoying it all week on toast, mixed with overnight oats, mixed with yogurt, and all by itself. I’ve got four quarts in the freezer, with the other two reserved for the big dinner (and for my snacking enjoyment).

      I’m known for pies in our family, and I’ll be making at least two for dinner. One will be my late mother-in-law’s recipe for pumpkin pie; she wasn’t much of a cook in most respects, but her pumpkin pie recipe is the best I’ve ever eaten. I’m thinking of using a new recipe that I recently found called “Mile-High Apple Pie” for the other one; it calls for something like six or seven pounds of apples, and the filling is cooked ahead of time before putting it into the pie.

      1. Observer*

        I made up six quarts of our favorite cooked ginger-cranberry-orange relish last weekend

        That sounds delicious! Recipe?

      2. Clisby*

        My whole growing-up life I thought cranberry relish was disgusting, until once we spent Thanksgiving with my in-laws and my sister-in-law made it from cratch. It was delicious, but I’ve never made it.

    15. Not your typical admin*

      We have close friends we do Thanksgiving with. For the first time we turned over the deserts to our teens. My daughter did two homemade apple pies and her friend did pumpkin cheesecake. Excited to see how their creations turn out!

    16. Jane*

      I’m trying Stella Parks’ apple pie recipe for the first time! I was going to attempt her pumpkin pie, but it requires 1) roasting a butternut squash (because most of what’s sold as canned “pumpkin” in the US is actually made from smaller varieties of squash) and 2) making homemade condensed milk, which is waaaay more effort than I feel like exerting this year. (Plus I’m way more on Team Apple than Team Pumpkin when it comes to autumnal treats!)

      1. Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate*

        DIY condensed milk is not that much work IMO but I’ve made Stella’s pie with canned pumpkin and it was fine.

        1. Smurfette*

          I think DIY roasted whole butternut is even simpler than DIY condensed milk! Where I live, there’s no canned pumpkin or squash of any kind – everyone cooks it from scratch and it really is easy :)

    17. Elizabeth West*

      I bought some carrots to try making carrot soup this weekend. For dinner tomorrow, I might try that chili crisp alfredo recipe y’all told me about since I’m on my own. All I have is linguini, but that should work.

    18. GoryDetails*

      I scored a tiny set of Australian herbs and spices (some wattleseed, lemon myrtle, and kunzea), and decided I’d make something with them for Friendsgiving. So I’ll be adding to the already-bountiful menu:

      lemon myrtle shortbread
      kunzea “melting moment” cookies with wattleseed buttercream filling

      Can’t decide if I should label them clearly up front, or ask everyone to guess what the flavors are…

      Side note: while I like the results of my experiments, I found that the wattleseed syrup I made as a way to get a clear taste of the stuff was beyond my wildest hopes. Rich coffee-with-chocolate-notes flavor, really delicious!

    19. Clara Bowe*

      I was super excited to find a last pound of buckwheat honey in the cupboard (my dad was a beekeeper and I thought I was out of his last batch). I just put the buckwheat honey pumpkin pie in the fridge for tomorrow.

      I am also super excited for the scalloped corn/corn pudding for tomorrow. Dead easy and always delicious.

    20. SparklingBlue*

      I tried red lentil pasta tonight–and it was delicious! Also bought gingerbread mix to make over the very long weekend.

    21. Lilo*

      So I forgot to check the expiration date on my cornmeal and my cornbread came out tasting funny. So I guess I’m making something else. Also discovered I’m almost out of baking powder too. So yeast bread it is.

      1. Lilo*

        I’m usually not a chaos baker but I’ve both been getting over pneumonia and been swamped at work so I didn’t check things as closely as I normally do. I already made an apple pie. Thanksgiving is a lot harder when you’re the one doing most of the cooking. I’ve already decided to delegate the potatoes to my husband.

    22. fallingleavesofnovember*

      I am seeing a bunch of references to cranberry relish and I have never heard this term before! I’m Canadian and we do cranberry sauce (basically cooked cranberries with sugar and usually orange zest/juice). Is the relish the same?

      1. Lilo*

        I think most people are, but my Dad would make a relish with cranberries, sour cream, and horse radish. I think the recipe came from Public Radio, he would especially like it on sandwiches the next day.

        1. Esprit de l'escalier*

          That was Susan Stamberg’s annual recitation of her mother-in-law’s “Mama Stamberg’s Cranberry Relish.” And every year when I heard it, the idea of adding horseradish sauce to cranberry sauce sounded so icky that I never wanted to try it. I can see how it would make a nice addition to a sandwich, though.

    23. carcinization*

      I am making Thai Tea Pie which I have only made once before a few years back. My husband and I both remembered it fondly so I’ll have another go. It’s supposed to have a thin layer of Nutella applied to the crust before the filling and that struck us as a bit odd last time (but I still did it), so this time I’m doing a thin layer of sweetened condensed milk instead.

  6. aceowl*

    I’m coming down with some sort of cold. I’m just devastated. My very frail grandfather will be coming to the family dinner and I just can’t justify exposing him to anything so I’ve already texted to cancel. It’ll be the first time I’ve never seen my family on Thanksgiving.

    At least my partner and I had already planned to cook our own feast on Friday so we won’t be totally missing out on the food.

    1. River*

      I hope you get to see your grandfather soon! And I hope you get better ASAP!! Yeah it stinks not seeing everyone you want to during the holidays. I wont get to see any of my relatives or siblings for Thanksgiving either for various reasons. Enjoy your feast, whatever you decide to make!!

    2. Middle Aged Lady*

      Aww, I am so sorry! It’s good of you to think of others and not go. I hope you have a lovely day anyway.

    4. Alice*

      I’m sorry to hear this but I think you are doing the right thing by protecting your grandfather from whatever lurgy you have got. I hope you feel better soon and at you can see him and your family in a little while once you are better!

    5. Rara Avis*

      Sorry to hear! I’ve been sick for Thanksgiving several years running — I make it through 20 hours of parent/teacher conferences and crash with some virus or other. Since we usually host, that’s it for turkey day. This year I’m invited to someone else’s house, and so far the germs have stayed away.

    6. Kathenus*

      Any chance you could wear an N95, not eat, and just visit your grandfather from across the room for a little while then leave?

  7. Always Tired*

    I offered to leave work early and go help my parents with the last bits of holiday set up. This woman (my mother) really asked “oh, would you like to polish the silver?” like anyone has ever enjoyed polish silver ever. Ma’am. No, I would not at all LIKE to, but I will do it. As soon as I escape benefit deduction update hell.

    1. Generic Name*

      When I talked to my mom the other day about holiday preparations she asked if I would mind if she didn’t polish the silver (that sits out for decoration). I said I didn’t notice that the silver had been polished last time I visited.

    2. Buni*

      oh god I’m so sorry but I *love* polishing the silver, nay any metal thing at all. I still volunteer to do it every time I visit my parents. I do it for the church every pre-Easter clean. Clearly I’m hooked on the smell of Brasso….

      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        I loved doing it as a kid and teen. It is so satisfying! And you can’t be asked to, say, clean the bathroom or garage while you’re doing it.

      2. SarahKay*

        Same here. It was definitely considered a treat growing up to be allowed to polish the brass fire iron set and the silver bits of tableware, and I guess that’s carried over to my adult self thinking of it as an enjoyable activity.

    3. Shiny*

      I actually do like polishing silver! I love how shiny it gets. I like cleaning windows for the same reason and always volunteer for these duties. For some reason, I never have any competition.

    4. AvonLady Barksdale*

      I got silver polish wipes and it made a HUGE difference. Much less of a chore. So shiny! But I used it on my own silver stuff, so that might have helped ease my frustration.

    5. J Marie*

      I have two sets of inherited silver and I got it out when I had company last week. My kids did not do a good job polishing it. in googling about it, I read that people just use the stuff as their daily silverware and it can go in the dishwasher as long as there are no other metals in with it. So I tossed our mixed up stainless set in a shoebox, put the silver in the silverware drawer, warned everyone about the other metals in the dishwasher and we are trying it! It is all already so nice and shiny just from daily use and washing.

      1. Catagorical*

        I inherited just a few random sterling spoons, some family, some souvenir ones. It wasn’t enough to be considered a collection, so I decided to just eat with them. Over twenty years later, they still add enjoyment to every bite.

      2. Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate*

        I found that the silver tarnishes faster in the dishwasher so I went back to handwashing, but it’s so nice to use every day. Note also that many silver sets have stainless blades in the knives and then the silver handles filled with resin, which can in theory melt out in the heat of the dishwasher and make a huge mess. Never happened to me though!

        1. Emmy Noether*

          They pretty much always have stainless steel blades, because silver is an unsuitable material for blades.

    7. Nihil Scio*

      I Like polishing silver but I do it in a tinfoil lined Pyrex pan, with washing soda and boiling water. Takes 2 minutes and is so satisfying!

  8. FricketyFrack*

    In my annual tradition (at least since 2016), I’m taking time to be thankful that my mom and I quit speaking to her side of the family in about 2011. They’re all a bunch of hateful bigots and I know for a fact that they’d be extra intolerable this year, so it’s great that I don’t have to see any of them. Even if it’s kind of a bummer that it’s just me and my mom now, it’s better than having to spend the day angry and frustrated.

    I know a lot of people struggle to cut off their family members for various reasons, but I can vouch that it really is so freeing to say, “Turns out that I don’t actually have to subject myself to this.”

    1. Zephy*

      I know several people who are arming themselves with airhorns for Thanksgiving and are prepared to drown out their shitty relatives’ bigotry by force if necessary.

    3. Panicked*

      I went no contact with my mom a few weeks ago because of her religious and moral justification for her hate-filled views. This will be the first holiday after our falling out. It’s either going to be great or terrible; I’m not sure which yet.

      1. FricketyFrack*

        Probably hard but also peaceful. I can imagine that it being your mom makes it a lot more difficult than it was with, say, the uncle I saw a few times a year. I’m sorry that you’re in that situation.

      2. Middle Aged Lady*

        This is hard. Wishing you a peaceful holiday. Sometimes we have to let go for our own well-being.

    4. WestsideStory*

      Sometimes it doesn’t have to be something vile or egregious to call a halt on family holidays. You can love some people with all your heart but just not be up to dealing with them on every holiday.
      Which is why are spending Thanksgiving in Las Vegas, just us two. Yes, this is very freeing. We will have turkey, and football, and peace.

    5. Ginger Cat Lady*

      I, too, am thankful I stepped away from my toxic family dynamics every holiday. I think this Christmas is 10 years. No regrets.

    6. Me, too*

      I also stepped away from a very toxic family dynamic (screaming arguments at the loaded table at every holiday). My anxiety got so bad that seeing a lot of food on any table made me feel ill.

      After breaking away, recovery was slow.
      A major breakthrough was an improvised breakfast with a bunch of friends where I quickly put out the contents of the fridge and many sandwiches were made. I looked at the table packed with friends sharing food and suddenly felt much better.
      Holidays are way better now – but still without the terrible people.

      tldnr: It’s better to be alone or work in a soup kitchen than spend a holiday with toxic family. Be kind to yourself.

    7. Lilo*

      I have no regrets cutting off my bigoted family members. To be honest they weren’t remotely nice people, my aunt’s always been inexplicably cruel to my mom, even since they were kids. Her comments about my brother’s kids (who are mixed) were so insanely bigoted my mom finally stood up to her.

    8. Bereavement Bear*

      My aunt (other side of the family) was incredibly awful to me after my mom died this summer, when I was just trying to do the right thing by letting that side of the family know directly from me rather than some weird secondhand way. I can’t forgive her and that’s that for gatherings on that side of the family. One of my cousins who is her daughter has been decent about reaching out from time to time over the past few years, but I haven’t heard a word from her since I explained why I wouldn’t be coming to Thanksgiving. It is what it is, as they say!

  9. Anonymous Pygmy Possum*

    Well, I’m alone for the holiday this year. My goal this year was that my partner and I would spend the holiday together, but that didn’t happen. We have been dating for four years and he (we are both men) only came out to his (Catholic conservative) immediate family in July, and I was supposed to go with him to their big family gathering and meet his extended family (who are also conservative). But I just didn’t want to deal with that this year, for obvious reasons. So, I chose not to go. I am going to spend the day with my cat and roast a half duck and some sides. And I’m going to call my family at their Thanksgiving.

    It helps that his family is doing a traditional immediate family Thanksgiving meal on Sunday, which I am invited to and am not at least actively dreading – while his dad sucks, his brothers and mom are at least open to getting to know me as their brother’s/son’s partner. Plus, none of them are going to talk shit to my face. I know they talk shit behind my back, but that’s not my problem!

    1. Zephy*

      Aw, I’m sorry you won’t be with your partner at Thanksgiving. I can understand if he doesn’t want to (re)open that can of worms by not going himself this year, but that still sucks for you. I hope you and your cat enjoy your meal.

      1. Anonymous Pygmy Possum*

        He has his own reasons for wanting to go, and I decided pretty late (like, Sunday) that I didn’t want to go. I don’t hold his decision to go against him. I am looking forward to having the apartment to myself for a few days but I am still a little sad. Like you said, it does suck.

    2. Middle Aged Lady*

      Duck is good! I am sorry you will be there with just the cat. I hope it’s a peaceful dat.

    4. Me, too*

      Well, my husband is far away, too.
      He just told me he’ll go to the local Denny’s for Thanksgiving dinner. It’s a fond memory on his side because the elderly manager of the diner sat down with him for dinner at Thanksgiving last time he was alone.

    5. Me, too*

      Anonymous Pygmy Possum :
      Be sure to call your partner and let him know that you and some people on the Internet are thinking fondly of him. :-)

  10. Grilledcheeser*

    Due to unemployment & sick friends, i pared way back on holiday dinner this year. As soon as the fancy grocery store opens on Thursday morning, i am popping in for deli turkey slices, slice of pumpkin pie, and carrots&celery. Already have canned cranberry jelly, pickles & olives, mashed potatoes in a cup (just add hot water!), rolls & butter, and punch ingredients. An easy meal for myself, no real cooking, no fuss! Now just to figure out what to do with my day when i would have been traveling & visiting. Napping with the cats? Reading! Sewing!

    1. Forrest Rhodes*

      Sorry to hear about the unemployment and sick friends, Grilledcheeser, but I think you’re receiving a great gift in a solo Thanksgiving Day. You’ve already planned a great menu and munchies, and as you say, it’s no-fuss; and you get to do absolutely anything you choose:

      Reading books. Watching birds and squirrels outside the window and/or cheesy stuff on TV (an appliance of which you have total control, by the way). Taking a nap at an unusual hours of the day. Settling in and listening to your favorite music to see where it takes you. Going for a stroll if it’s a nice day, either with your earbuds or without them (and enjoy your local sights and sounds). Writing emails to friends you haven’t talked to for a while. And did I mention naps?

      Just go where the day takes you. I’m sure it’ll be an outstanding, relaxing, and thankful day, and that’s what I’m wishing for you!

  11. Wendy Darling*

    I have lost my mind and am solo cooking a full thanksgiving spread for three people. I’ve cut the menu as much as I can without cutting things I really want to eat, which still leaves four dishes and a pie.

    I’m just finishing my coffee before I get started, because I have a full day of cooking today AND tomorrow.

    1. Zephy*

      Godspeed. o7 (that’s a salute)

      I hope you’ve got a bottle of your favorite something-or-other waiting for you at the end of your cooking marathon!

    4. Cadillac*

      I did a mini spread for my husband and I to scarf down while our newborn napped last year. I think it was 3 or 4 dishes and a pie. Totally worth it to get to eat the foods I wanted!! Enjoy yours!

    5. Charlotte Lucas*

      I always do a full spread for my SO and me (family in another state). We will have enough leftovers to get us through 4 days of binge watching our favorite shows.

    6. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

      I did that last year and it was just fine (tho I didn’t make dessert)
      6 people total – cooked everything the day before and reheated it at my Moms house.

  12. epicdemiologist*

    My daughter and her new wife are hosting us this year! Just the 4 of us, and everyone’s contributing to the meal. Really low stress and cozy.

  13. River*

    This year’s Thanksgiving is going to be super small for me. It will be just me and my parents. My other siblings and relatives are doing their own thing with in-laws. In a way it will be nice having something lowkey but at the same time I love getting the family together. It’s going to feel weird. Then I will be getting up early Friday to go Black Friday shopping and kickstart my holiday shopping.

    I can’t believe the holidays are here. It doesn’t feel like it.

    Blessings and Joy and wonderful memories to everyone this season!

  14. Paris Geller*

    I’m very excited for a low-key Thanksgiving. It will just be my husband & I. We bought prepared sides from the grocery store & a turkey breast. I plan on eating our feast, finishing our Christmas decorations, and settling in for days of reading, napping, & watching holiday movies.

    1. Falling Diphthong*

      Very similar here, and spouse even agreed to just do fish and grain of some form, respecting that I loathe stuffing. Plan A involved a lot of outdoor activity, which it seems the weather is going to forestall, so we might binge our way through something.

    2. StrayMom*

      That sounds lovely – we are doing the same. DH and I will be cooking a boneless turkey breast tomorrow, and if the forecasted lake effect snow storm holds off, we may end up finishing it on the grill. Then we’ll head to ski country on Friday and hope to be snowed in for a couple of days. We need to unplug.

  15. Sindirella*

    I only have to make mashed potatoes and deviled eggs for tomorrow. Feeling super thankful for my in-laws and their large family potlucking.
    But for some reason, I decided to host a separate Thanksgiving for my dad and stepmom on Friday and I volunteered to make whole duck. I have 2. I’ve never made duck before. Plus, I have to make my grandmother’s potato rolls, which are a bit time consuming. Wish me luck!

    2. ZSD*

      Good luck! I will say that the one time I made duck, I learned that it generates WAY more fat than roast chicken or roast turkey. I think I made duck-fat fries about five times after roasting that one duck. So be prepared.

      1. Not A Manager*

        So. Much. Fat. And it’s delicious. Strain it and keep it in the freezer. It will come in handy.

      2. Clisby*

        Yes – I went by the Julia Child recipe where you either score it or prick it all over to help render out the fat. I love duck fat fries. (Also chicken fat fries).

    3. goddessoftransitory*

      If you get a chance, read Laurie Colwin’s piece on duck! It’s in her book Home Cooking, I think.

    4. Bananapant Modiste*

      Alton Brown calls duck fat “culinary gold”. Be sure to save for frying, making biscuits, drizzling on veggies.

      Also, when I see too much cooking coming at me, the answer is pre-cook!

      Why don’t you pre-roast the ducks? They take a long time to be tender, and won’t be crispy anyway. Make them a day or two previously – cook low&slow without any time pressure, tent towards the end to prevent burning if necessary. Pre-cook the gravy from drippings if you want any.
      On The Day, make the rolls etc., and slowly reheat the ducks&gravy. Nobody will be the wiser.

  16. Zephy*

    My FIL extended an invitation to my dad and his wife to come to ours for Thanksgiving this year. That was very nice of him, but I honestly cannot think of an experience my dad would enjoy less: drive 2 1/2 hours to meet a dozen mostly-strangers, and then cram himself into a hot room for a big meal full of foods he doesn’t like or can’t eat, and then drive back because there’s no more room at the inn (SIL and her family are already occupying the guest rooms), unless they want to literally get a room at an inn for the night.

        1. FamilyDynamics*

          I hope this doesn’t cause drama for you. In my family it would be an unforgivable sin we’d still be hearing about decades later.

    2. my brain is full*

      Is your dad going? It sounds like he’d prefer to visit two weekends from now, when the inn is empty, and the food can be made more to his preference. As well as spending more time with the person he knows (and presumeably wants to see)

      1. Zephy*

        He isn’t, but he and his wife talked about visiting at a less-busy time of year, when there are fewer strangers to meet all at once. I think my dad talked with my now-inlaws for about 15 minutes at my and my now-husband’s college graduation and that’s the extent of their relationship at this point, inviting him to our Thanksgiving is skipping SO many levels. Perhaps when we have our own place I’ll host and summon my family to me, if not all at once then Dad for Thanksgiving and Mom for Christmas.

  17. Liz the Snackbrarian*

    It’s just my husband and I this year. I got sober this year and we started marriage counseling a few months after. I’m not sure how I feel about our future, so I’m trying to focus on the gratitude I have for my sobriety, my job, two adorable kitties, and many other things.

    1. ashie*

      Wow congrats on your sobriety! So much respect. No matter how things work out, you’re taking care of you and that’s amazing

    2. I'm Still Fun!*

      Congratulations on your sobriety! I recently celebrated five years since I stopped drinking (with a mocktail party with friends!), and it is the best decision I ever made. I am now surrounded by friends who either no longer drink themselves, or it’s just not a focus of our time together. It’s really refreshing and encouraging! I hope you find a similar community if that’s helpful for you, and that all works out as you hope with your husband <3 Sending lots of love your way!

    3. magic*

      Congratulations on your sobriety! I hope you have a wonderful holiday and lots of positive developments to come.

    4. Not A Manager*

      I was in a similar position a few years ago, not so much with sobriety but with other forms of self-medicating, and a troubled marriage. In retrospect, I’m very thankful that I pared away the distractions so I could choose my own future and not just half-ass into it.

      I hope that the coming seasons are energizing and invigorating, in whatever ways are best for you.

    6. Middle Aged Lady*

      Good luck to you! Mr Middle Age Lady and I had some rough years a while back and sobriety was part of the journey. Wishing you a peaceful day. Kitties always help!

    7. Me, too*

      My best wishes for your sobriety as well.
      I broke a painkiller habit (with rebound pain etc.) some years ago, so I have an inkling of the work.
      Be kind to yourself and your husband. Give each other some mental space – for example, if one of you wants to take a walk or go alone on a visit somewhere, then let it happen.
      Don’t pressure yourselves to some standard of behavior.
      Keep things simple.
      If a Big Decision happens, don’t fret.
      You are alive and have a great deal going for you.

      Peace.

  18. Aphrodite*

    Holidays are not meant to be “perfect.” Don’t attempt to make it one, nor demand others do so. Remember that perfection is the enemy of fun. Have fun. Stay calm. Float above the chaos. Remember to laugh. Hug someone.

  19. N C Kiddle*

    Tomorrow is just another day in the UK but I’m taking notes for the festivities next month. My current very vague plan is to spend the day by myself and do nothing special, then cycle to the next city (just under 30 miles) the day after.

    1. bamcheeks*

      Ooh, I can’t decide whether cycling on Boxing Day sounds great or terrible. Have you done it before? Are the roads empty or full of stressed out parents driving kids to the Other Side Of The Family?

      (we will be driving from Nottingham to Leeds on Boxing Day, so if you’re anywhere around the A1 I’ll wave. :D )

      1. N C Kiddle*

        I’ve done a few long haul bike rides before but only in the summer, so it remains to be seen how winter road conditions will affect things. I’ve got a route planned out that takes mainly back roads, in the hopes that all the messy driving will be confined to the main roads. And it may be that I’ll oversleep or otherwise wake up morning of and decide no, this is a bad idea after all.

    2. SarahKay*

      Back in covid times I couldn’t join my family for Christmas which turned out to be a beautiful sunny day. I spent the day in the garden very belatedly* planting spring bulbs and loved it. Very non-traditional, but something achieved and no time to feel fed up at being stuck home alone.

      *Parents expressed scepticism about the bulbs growing given the lateness of planting. I pointed out that, while true, their chances were still better than if I continued to leave the bulbs in their bag in the shed. In the end a good 50% of them grew and flowered :-)

  20. Hair Help!*

    I used a product on my hair that I hoped would make it less frizzy, and it made it way more frizzy and unmanageable. (It was SKALA Mais Cachos for hair type 3ABC – 2 IN 1 Conditioning Treatment Cream & Cream To Comb). The product is mostly for curly hair, but it said that it was okay for all hair types.

    I’ve washed my hair three times since I used it, and my hair is still frizzy and has way too much volume, and I can’t get it to calm down much, even with a flat iron. What should I do?
    I have latina hair that’s thick and a little course, not straight but not curly. It tends to frizz, and I end up using a flat iron more than I want to.

    1. Soprani*

      Use a clarifying/detox shampoo to remove the product (Suave clarifying shampoo will do the trick) and then find a hair mask for repairing damaged hair (Pantene miracle rescue might do) that you can leave on for about 15 min covered (plastic bag or hair bonnet/tshirt) and rinse.

      The products I mentioned are lesser expensive drug store brands, but I really like Redken’s Extreme Mega Mask

      1. Jan*

        Agree. Clarifying shampoo and then condition, condition, condition the bejeebers out of it. Conditioner with a plastic cap and put a hot towel or hair dryer to help it condition more.

        I used to relax mine and my son’s hair (stopped now) and used that method of conditioning which even took the mushiness away.

    3. tab*

      Have you tried leaving some conditioner in your hair after you towel it dry? I do that and just comb it in (or use a sparse bristle brush) and let it dry. I hope it works for you.

      1. Eli*

        Thats a Brazilian brand, and it means “more curls” (just in case you didn’t know and it’s making more curls or body). I think those treatments are like a leave in conditioner if i remember correctly. Haven’t used that kind of product in a while.

    4. The gourmet cupcake*

      (My hair is 2C3A)
      Just to clarify, you didn’t wash it 3 days in a row, right? I like to space out my washes so I don’t strip my hair.
      I also like shea moisture moisturizing masque, it really helps moisturize and define my curls.
      After I wash I use a leave in, then a styling product.
      Also gel might help tame some of the frizz, I like garnier moisture gel.
      Air dry, dry with diffuser or use a microfiber towel to dry.

    5. ElastiGirl*

      3A hair here. I strongly recommend John Frieda Secret Weapon hair product for all frizz issues. You use it on dry hair, and it minimizes frizz instantly. Many drugstores carry it.

  21. Falling Diphthong*

    Recommend fun movies to watch with a group?

    New one: The Wild Robot is just a lovely story, and I plan to watch when my kids come home at Xmas.

    Classic: The Martian really works for us, perhaps because it is deeply, unapologetically geeky.

    If your criterion is that the Mom doesn’t die: The Mitchells vs the Machines is about a family roadtrip interrupted by the robot apocalypse.

      1. Writerling*

        Love Wallace & Gromit! Would recommend Shaun the Sheep for those who do too and haven’t seen it yet (TV show and movies).

    2. Hermione*

      The Martian is a good one!

      If your group is okay with quick talk, quirky characters, and themes of m*rder and innuendos, my forever recommendation is Clue, with Tim Curry. One of my favorites.

      Both were a bit weird/quirky, PG-13 with some violence, but we enjoyed Argylle and The Fall Guy this year and would watch either with the right group. They both felt a little long though; could’ve used some editing.

    3. Forest Hag*

      I loved The Mitchells. I went into it blind when my daughter saw it on Netflix and wanted to watch it, and now I’m like “Heyyyy wanna watch The Mitchells??”

      Fun movie for certain groups: Jojo Rabbit

      It’s 2am and everyone’s exhausted and drunk/stoned/feeling silly: Xanadu

    4. my brain is full*

      I love His Girl Friday. Very old (1930’s), featuring a young Cary Grant, and a strong female lead. The dialogue goes very fast, and Rosalind Russel wears the *most beautiful* striped blazer with the stripes lining up perfectly. One site on the internet claimed it was black and pink, and I would love a black and pink blazer like that!

      1. Charlotte Lucas*

        Do a Cary Grant double feature with Bringing Up Baby. Screwball comedy involving paleontology and leopards. (And the dog from the Thin Man series.)

        Add in Ball of Fire (Barbara Stanwyck and Gary Cooper) for a fun take on Snow White, where the heroine is a gangster’s mill in hiding and the “dwarfs” are scholars working on an encyclopedia. And you can learn fun 1940s slang!

    5. Mobie's Mom*

      The Mitchells vs the Machines was a surprise “love” when my husband and I watched it awhile back! Might be time for a rewatch! Thank you for the reminder!

    6. Filosofickle*

      Just rewatched The Princess Bride with one of my oldest friends — always a good choice :)

      Mitchells vs. the Machines is adorable, I loved it.

    7. goddessoftransitory*

      I am a huge MSTie/Rifftrax nerd and love throwing on one of their Christmas shows, especially the live shorts show Rifftrax did a few years ago (Weird Al was a guest riffer!) Every single short was a laugh riot.

    9. GoryDetails*

      I love Moana! And it could prompt a family discussion as to choosing “the right tattoo” (rock that manta ray, Grandma!).

    10. fallingleavesofnovember*

      I think the Knives Out movies are pretty good – entertaining and not too serious (but also not too childish).
      For some reason one of my family’s cottage movies is Little Miss Sunshine, which we all find hilarious, but definitely has some more adult content.

  22. Stories*

    Thanksgiving / Holiday Gathering Conversation Topics!

    If you are like me and sometimes struggle to come up with things to talk about with folks I don’t see often, here are some discussion topics that were recently shared with me that could help start conversations, especially with older loved ones to learn their stories:

    Who was the most important person in your life? Can you tell me about them?
    Who has been the kindest to you in your life?
    What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?
    What is your earliest memory?
    Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to share with me?
    What are you most proud of in your life?
    How has your life been different than what you imagined?
    Do you have any regrets?
    What does your future hold?
    Is there something about me that you’ve always wanted to know, but never asked?

    I love that these ask about the past or future, instead of focusing only on the present. Especially after the recent election, when conversations could potentially become heated, perhaps we can find a way to connect with family members and loved ones beyond our current political views, and learn a bit more about what made them into the person they are today.

    Happy Holidays to all!

    1. Generic Name*

      These are great tips! I love taking/hearing about pets, so requesting funny/cute pet stories could be another fun topic of discussion.

    2. WellRed*

      Some of these seem kind of heavy for holiday chit chat. But I’ll throw in a couple: what is one thing you’ve always wished you could do better (my answer when asked was I wished I could just let loose and dance like some people are able). Or, ask a long married couple how they met? Or ask a parent or grandparents what their favorite or craziest memory is of their kid. I like the pet suggestion!

      1. Ali + Nino*

        Aw I LOVE hearing how couples met. How about, If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Maybe write the questions on papers and put them in a bowl for people to pull from?

    3. nnn*

      I’d be pretty weirded out if someone I didn’t see often asked me most of these! These are pretty intense for casual chat.

      1. dapfloodle*

        Yeah, I consider myself to be basically an open book, and I would still start to feel really uncomfortable and put on the spot if I had to answer more than one or two of these in one sitting.

    4. Anonymous Cat*

      I saw a Facebook meme thing that said:
      If you could go back and give your 13 year old self a message in three words, what would it be?

      It was an interesting thing to think about!
      Plus, if you’ve read or watched sci-fi, you’ll know all the warnings about messages from the future….

    5. Pocket Mouse*

      A piece of advice about asking these sorts of questions (which totally resonates with me when I think about being asked them) is to ask questions like these phrased as “what is one of…” instead of “what is the most…” because some people will get bogged down in weighing which experience/person/memory is The Most Of Them All. With the more intense questions you list above, I’d suggest a preface like “I’ve been thinking a lot about ____ recently” or “I learned that ____” to ease into it and frame your questions as thoughtful discussion.

      If there’s a story that family have tangentially referred to but you haven’t heard the full details of, I’d recommend asking about that. And just ask questions when the opportunity arises – one time when a loved one (who has two kids) said “I wanted a lot of kids” and I asked how many they wanted, I got a LOT more information than I expected, but all very interesting!

    6. fhqwhgads*

      That list sounds straight out of an email-fwd-this-survey thing from the 1990s. Great if the target audience is 11-15 years old. Otherwise, to me, awkward conversation starters because they’re not things that come up naturally.

  23. Kotow*

    We’ll be having a wonderful feast. The stuffing is always amazing and is my favorite part of the meal. Oh yes, and there will be no cheap ass rolls!

  24. LadyAmalthea*

    I moved to Ireland a bit over 5 years ago, and have twins turning 2 on the 30th. Thanksgiving is now at my place as a birthday celebration. While kosher turkey is obtainable, it is also a pain to get and I can take or leave meat and my sister is pescatarian, so we will have fish, minted peas, roasted potatoes, macaroni and cheese, cranberry sauce, and sweet potato pie – all foods that I never ate at Thanksgiving as a kid.

    1. magic*

      Happy birthday to the twins and happy Thanksgiving! I’ve never thought of pairing mint and peas before but you’ve inspired me… I might add some to the risi e bisi I’ve been dreaming of.

    3. AvonLady Barksdale*

      That sounds like the best menu– no turkey = dairy! We have a vegetarian household and while I miss making brisket (I’ve done it at a few friends’ homes), I love that the holiday table is full of dairy goodness. And real pie crust and whipped cream! A big change from the margarine- and Cool Whip-laden Thanksgivings of my youth.

      1. LadyAmalthea*

        Oh yeah – inspired by a veg seder at my aunt’s with actually good mashed potatoes and whipped cream.

        My dessert just happens to be vegan…..

    5. bamcheeks*

      Ooof, I think two-year-old twins is the MAXIMUM chaos age before it starts to calm down a bit. I had my two-year-old niece and nephew twins AND my two-year-old daughter one Christmas– it was in many ways delightful, but also a bit too memorable as I was also going through IVF and had also managed to injure myself with antibiotics, so I cooked a full roast dinner, put it on the table, and then went to bed for 48 hours. But the IVF worked and my younger daughter is now 7. :D

      1. LadyAmalthea*

        I am waiting on the day when their sense levels catch up to their mobility levels. Mobility has been winning since one of them started crawling at 5.5 months.

        That sounds exhausting! I’m very glad everything worked.

  25. David Rose*

    Angst thread! Whyyyyyyyy. Why am I traveling for Thanksgiving. I love my family so much but there are plenty of other occasions on which to see them that aren’t the busiest travel days of the year culminating in a stressful group meal! I did a low-key Friendsgiving last year with some of my dear friends and it was so nice, I’ll be thinking of that tomorrow, I’m sure.

    On the bright side, I’m PSYCHED for pie.

    1. spcepickle*

      I fly out tomorrow on actual Thanksgiving – and I am also questions all my life choices. We got this! I built extra time into my normal get to the airport schedule and am practicing smiling with my eyes.

  26. MyGyver*

    I went for a walk on Wednesday at noon for some fresh air on a beautiful day. I lost my house key somehow. I re-traced my steps, nope. Called my apt mgmt office – nope, closed, call a locksmith. But I am resourceful! I live in FL on the 2nd floor and my balcony was open because the weather is great. I found a ladder and a nimble neighbor and PRESTO! I’m in! I am giving all my neighbors those hide-a-key rocks for Christmas – LOL. Plus I’m exchanging keys with another nearby friend. I am thankful not to spend $150 on a locksmith!

    1. Decidedly Me*

      I’m pretty sure I’ve broken into about 80% of the places I’ve lived in for reasons like this lol!

  27. AvonLady Barksdale*

    We’re traveling for Thanksgiving and will be gone for about 30 hours total. And I am just fine that way– it will be nice to see some cousins and it will get my mother to stop asking when I’m coming to visit. I used points to book most of it– wouldn’t have agreed if I hadn’t been able to do that, fares are outrageous– and the most expensive part of this holiday will be boarding the dog. He’s at “camp” for three nights. He’s been having a rough time lately so I hope he has a nice time exploring the outdoors and hanging out with his fellow senior buds.

    Once we get back we’ll hit the grocery store for my favorite time of the year– Thanksgiving food on sale. I seriously love it. Stuffing mix. Pumpkin. Cream of mushroom soup and fried onions (yes, I actually like green bean casserole). I make mini-Thanksgiving for us every year.

  28. Delta Delta*

    I’m baking a cranberry pie tonight to share with friends tomorrow. I absolutely adore it – it’s tart and bracing and stunningly red. Anyone else baking something fabulous?

    3. My Day (they/them)*

      Chocolate fudge pie! I don’t like pudding pie, so I found this recipe online a while ago and it’s always a hit. A few times people have said it reminds them of a fudge brownie in a pie crust.

      Oven at 350F

      Lay out pie crust in a pie dish. I use store-bought but I’m sure you could make your own.

      Beat three eggs in a bowl and set aside.

      Heat a medium saucepan over medium low heat. Melt 12 tablespoons of butter, then whisk in 1 1/4 cup sugar, 1/3 cup flour, 1/3 cup cocoa powder, pinch salt.

      Remove from heat and pour about 1/4 cup of your hot ingredients into the eggs, whisking. Once combined and temperature is raised (so they don’t curdle), pour back into the saucepan and mix to combine.

      Pour into pie crust and bake for about 30-35 minutes, or until the center is set. Enjoy!

    4. theinone*

      I came home from school today for thanksgiving, blinked, and now I’ve got 3 pies cooling on the kitchen counter- a truly enormous apple cranberry pie, a peach ginger pie, and a pumpkin pie.

  29. RussianInTexas*

    Who is doing a non-traditional food Thanksgiving? It’s just 5 of us this year (MIL broke her hip few weeks ago and not hosting nor traveling, my sister is spending Thanksgiving in Mexico with boyfriend and family, stepdaughter and family are at her husband’s mom), me, partner, my dad, stepmom, and brother.
    None are married to the traditional food. Partner and I are responsible for the meat and the pie. Stepmom is making sides, no idea which ones.
    I asked if the family had a meat preference, the answer was no. So since pork shoulder was on sale, smoked pork shoulder it is! With hot and sweet jelly.
    The pies: egg custard, and French silk. Both bought at a local pie shop.

    1. spcepickle*

      We always do tamales on or around Thanksgiving. There are many hands to do the work which makes it fun and they freeze super well for quick but tasty meals all winter.

      1. RussianInTexas*

        I love tamales. I took a class in tamale making, and I am 100% not making them at home. They require more dexterity and patience than I possess.

    2. River*

      We are also doing Tamales this year. They are a good size, easy to serve, not really messy and ours are moist and decadent. We serve them with lettuce, sour cream, and homemade hot/mild salsas. Makes cleanup easy too. Throw out the husks!

    3. Elansha*

      We have also embraced our tradition of a non-traditional Thanksgiving: a vegan feast consisting of tons of diverse roasted vegetables (carrots, leeks, squash, brussels sprouts, etc. with saffron rice topped with roasted slivered nuts and pomegranate seeds) – this year held on Friday for convenience. (It will also be non-traditional in that it’s the first holiday since my husband unexpectedly told me he wanted a divorce, but we are still going to be gathering together with our daughter and some relatives. Sigh.)

    5. AKK*

      Some of my fondest childhood memories are of holidays when we wouldn’t do the traditional food. We would spend the day together in the kitchen making a big batch of burritos for the freezer, or making gnocchi, or having a marinated flank steak.

    6. Emotional support capybara (he/him)*

      When Thanksgiving is just me, I do Turkey of the Sea– which is what I jokingly call a good salmon filet slathered in garlic butter and broiled and served with whatever sides I want to make (broccoli is always one of them).

    7. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

      We always do non-traditional if we can help it. Last year since it was a big family gathering, I did a smoked brisket and glitter mashed potatoes. The glitter potatoes were unintentional, but fabulous. Crawfish etouffee became my household’s traditional meal when we’re not having anyone else over.

    8. carcinization*

      I’m making pastitsio, with the nod to the holiday being that I’m using half ground lamb and half ground turkey rather than half lamb and half beef. I haven’t made it in years so I can’t wait!

  30. Our Business Is Rejoicing*

    American expat here. I’ve mostly lost track of the whole Thanksgiving rhythm other than being conscious of when Black Friday is (because they do sales here in Canada now as well to try to convince shoppers not to cross-border shop). Had the pie and turkey back in October. Oddly enough, I have a turkey breast roast in the oven right now and had completely blanked about that coincidence.

    Also, now I want pumpkin pie again. May have to do something about that.

    1. The Prettiest Curse*

      Weirdly, UK retailers adopted Black Friday a few years back, but since we don’t do Thanksgiving, they don’t do it on an actual Friday. So it seems to have morphed into a generic term for discounts starting at a random time in November and lasting for a week or so.

      1. Beth**

        I feel like UK “Black Friday” now lasts pretty much the whole of November. When it was actually on the Friday after Thanksgiving, I was sad that British people were getting the icky commercial side of Thanksgiving without the good bits (food, togetherness, thankfulness). But now that it lasts so long, it feels entirely separate from That.

        2. londonedit*

          Yeah, the big thing here used to be the Boxing Day (26th December) sales and then the January sales, but Black Friday seems to have taken over, and a lot of retailers seem to be doing ‘Black November’ or ‘Black Week’ instead of Black Friday (which, as you say, has absolutely no meaning here as today is just an ordinary day). The consumer group Which? did a survey and found that over 90% of ‘deals’ for Black Friday were actually available cheaper earlier in the year – retailers absolutely do the thing of jacking up prices in September/October so they can then ‘discount’ for Black Friday. It’s all a bit of a con!

    2. Anonymous Cat*

      This year I noticed that Black Friday seemed to start the week BEFORE Thanksgiving! I got a lot of ads for it last week!

      I guess they’re trying to get a jump on customers spending money.

  31. Six Feldspar*

    Australian here, all I know about thanksgiving is from watching:
    1. the Buzzfeed video on holiday etiquette by Zefrank
    2. Wednesday’s speech in Addams Family Values

    I’m guessing the reality is a bit different?

    1. Snell*

      American here, and all I can really attest to is that the reality is as varied as the US is. Sometimes the online chatter from other Americans is so foreign to my own Thanksgiving experience.

      If I missed a joke, it’s probably because I haven’t seen either of your two references.

    2. HiddenT*

      I haven’t seen the first one, but Wednesday had it pretty spot-on in terms of the superficial nature of the holiday.

      Most people I know generally treat it as a holiday where you see family (how much family varies) and eat a lot of food, without paying much attention to the cultural history of the holiday (especially since there’s been a bigger push in recent years to acknowledge the indigenous genocide perpetrated by the colonizers). While there’s “traditional” Thanksgiving food, a lot of families do things differently/substitute dishes they like better/have their own traditional foods. A lot of people (especially queer friend groups with shitty families) do things like “Friendsgiving” instead. It is a Federal holiday so a lot of people get the day off, depending on your employer you might also get Friday off (I don’t, for no good reason, I expect it will be pretty dead since a lot of companies we do business with are closed Friday).

      1. Anonymous Cat*

        I agree with this. Family or friends gathering together and eating. There is usually talk of being thankful but not talk of the Pilgrims.

        My family didn’t have issues with the history. It’s just more about getting everyone together.

        Also, there was a tradition of having the Macy’s parade or football on the tv, depending on the time of day.

    3. Lizzie (with the deaf cat)*

      Buffy cooked thanksgiving dinner one year at Giles’ apartment and had a wobbly because he didn’t have a ricer for the potatoes. I had no idea what a ricer was, back then, do people still use them?

      2. fhqwhgads*

        In my experience, there are people who use a ricer and people who use a masher, and never the twain shall meet.

          1. amoeba*

            Does that.. work? Because well, I’ve tried it when making dumplings and the mixture just basically turned to glue pretty much instantaneously… I googled it afterwards and found out, yeah, no, you’re not supposed to do that. It destroys the cells or something, not sure, but anyway, it gets much (much!) more sticky and basically unusable. Had to throw it out and use the store-bought dough I’d bought just in case, haha.

            2. HBJ*

              It’s so odd, I’ve always heard a mixer is terrible and makes them turn out awful. I’ve made mashed potatoes multiple times with a masher. In my opinion, using the kitchenaid gives a 10 times better result. Mixer for life!

        2. Clara Bowe*

          On an absolutely silly note, my mother LOATHED mashed potatoes when I was young (3-6 yo), so when I asked for them, she handed me a baked potato and a fork. I was very puzzled that my fork efforts never quite got me the result I wanted…

      3. RagingADHD*

        We have a ricer because when my inlaws were downsizing, my husband was very excited to bring home the ricer.

        Has he ever used it? Nope.

      4. Flit*

        I have a ricer because I make lefse and you need absolutely smooth potatoes for that, which is also how my family prefers their mashed potatoes. No lumps!

    4. londonedit*

      All we tend to hear about it is the annual ‘Did you know they eat sweet potatoes with marshmallows??? As part of the SAVOURY meal??????’ Just as Americans can’t seem to get their heads around us eating beans on toast, so we absolutely cannot get our heads around a) sweet potatoes with marshmallows and b) as part of the savoury bit with the turkey etc.

  32. Pillow Castle*

    I’m cooking Thanksgiving at a family member’s house. She recently got a new oven and believes it’s too small for the turkey, so bought one of those stand alone plug in roaster ovens. Everything I’ve read says they tend to cook things faster, so I’m trying to figure out how to adjust. Does anyone have experience with these and advice?

    1. Hobbitjeff*

      Yes! I do my turkey in a stand-alone roaster, and they do cook faster. I set mine 25 degrees below the temp suggested in the recipe.

    2. cityMoose*

      Food dot com has a “perfect turkey in an electric roaster” article! I don’t think I can post links here. It points out a wired thermometer would be useful so you don’t have to open the lid. She says the butterball website has a great chart on cooking times. Does this help at all?

    3. Anono-me*

      Nesco Roaster times in their manual are accurate.

      I found this out the hard way the first time I hosted. I cooked the turkey for as long as I would cook it in a regular oven. It fell completely apart when I tried to remove it from the roaster. I had put in wine and butter so it was very moist. But the texture was like it was shredded pork.

  33. Beth**

    I’m American living abroad for many years, but I do love Thanksgiving. Tomorrow I will be hosting dinner for about 15 people (probably fewer as there are usually drop-outs on the day), which I will spend the whole day cooking.

    I’ve just made three batches of pie crust (which will yield 4-5 pies given that most are single-crust varieties). Tomorrow will be for cooking all day. I have a good Thanksgiving routine, but this year I’m adding some mac n cheese because I have a couple of vegetarian attendees and wanted to give them something with more protein than the usual Thanksgiving sides.

    And for all the naysayers above about green bean casserole, I have found that it’s one of the only green vegetables that people actually eat on Thanksgiving (at least at my house). Previous attempts of broccoli, lettuce-based salad and goodness knows what else have gone largely untouched. So green bean casserole it is.

  34. Solo This Year*

    I’m sick and will be staying home this year. Not Covid or the flu, so that’s good. But I feel rotten and don’t feel up to going anywhere.

    I’m single and live by myself, so I’ll just be over here with my pity party.

    1. Elizabeth West*

      I’m solo too — I’ve done it before. It’s just pajama and movie day usually. Since you’re sick, you can make it a self-care indulgence day. Feel better soon. <3

    2. LemonDrop*

      5 weeks ago I had major surgery, and I’ve been sick for the last 4 weeks. it’s a sinus infection that just won’t go away despite the strong antibiotics (started second round a few days ago). it’s just me and my parents, but they kindly offered to delay Thanksgiving for me.
      When I had to travel with short notice overseas and miss holidays I told myself that they’re all just arbitrary days which means I can celebrate whatever I want when I want. I use the same thinking for when I’m sick and I miss out on something. plus, if you celebrate on a different day you usually can get better prices, have less crowding, etc!
      feel better soon!

    3. acmx*

      Pretty much same here. Not feeling rotten but worn out and I have laryngitis. But this was a planned vacation week and I’m not getting much done and haven’t been able to socialize for a while now…so pity party here, too.

    4. Seal*

      Same here. I’m recovering from recent knee surgery and still using a walker. My cats and I will be snuggling on the couch this year (they very quickly learned to stay off my new knee!). Honestly, I’ve had worse holidays!

  35. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

    I am leaving on a 6am flight tomorrow to go to Disneyworld for Thanksgiving weekend. I am hoping to get into the Candlelight Processional at Epcot – the celebrity narrator for the nights I’m there is Josh Gad. :)

        1. acmx*

          I *think* they’re just reminiscing when the crowds were lower?

          Are you trying to sing in it or just view? Either way, good luck!
          (I guess the times are different this year fyi. You’re a regular visitor so you probably know this. :) I just read about this event tonight).

          1. Falling Diphthong*

            April Fools Joke that totally got me: I had considered a family trip to Yellowstone and wound up on their email list. Got up early on what I thought of as March 32nd-ish to go through some work emails, and there was one from Yellowstone about their new program where you could arrange to stay and hike in the parts of the park that weren’t crowded with other tourists. “Just what we want; we should do this!” I thought, before realizing this was also appealing to every one of those other tourists clogging up the area…

        2. fhqwhgads*

          I used to go to Disneyland on Thanksgiving day, like 15-20 years ago? Because hardly anyone went then. The Friday after would be packed, but Thursday, fairly empty. Then the crowds crept up from Thu – Sun. And now the entire week is jam packed.
          So yeah, just reminiscing about when I used to spend Thanksgiving in a Disney park since you mentioned going to one.

  36. 653-CXK*

    Several years ago (when I was a kid) we used to have Thanksgiving at my grandparent’s house, and it was a big deal – my grandfather would carve the turkey, my grandmother would make the sides, my mother would make the desserts, and all of our families would come over and feast. Then we’d go over to my aunt’s house on the other side of town for dessert.

    Tomorrow, it’ll be my mother, myself, my brother, my sister-in-law, and my 7 month old niece. I’m fine with that – it’s much less stressful. We’re having turkey breast, roasted potatoes, zucchini fritters, and blueberry dump cake.

    For those of you celebrating Thanksgiving on your own – either voluntarily or involuntarily – be kind to yourselves. If your Thanksgiving involves a turkey sandwich, leftover Chinese, cold pizza, or even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it’s not always about feasts – it’s about being grateful for what you have. Each day I’m perpendicular, I’m grateful, and sometimes that’s all you need.

    And for those of you who have had loved ones pass away, your memories will always be a blessing.

    1. my brain is full*

      I don’t know what blueberry dump cake is. My daughter loves all things blueberry. Recipe please?

      1. 653-CXK*

        Blueberry Dump Cake

        – 4 cups fresh blueberries or 2 16 oz cans blueberry pie filling
        – 1/2 cup white sugar
        – 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
        – 1 box yellow cake mix
        – 1/2 cup melted butter (or 1 stick of butter)

        Preheat the oven to 350°. Mix blueberries, cinnamon and sugar (or if using pie filling, just the blueberries and cinammon) and place in a 9″ x 13″ pan. Cover mixture with cake mix, then drizzle the melted butter (if using sticks of butter, cut them into very thin pats on the mix). Bake for 30 minutes until golden brown on the top. Serve warm or cold with ice cream or Cool Whip.

  37. GoodNPlenty*

    I’ve been eating vegan for the last three months to lower my LDL cholesterol. Just one more week until my next lab draw….so it’s a chickpea Thanksgiving!

    1. dapfloodle*

      I had chickpeas this Thanksgiving as well — checked out of a hotel in the big city nearest where I live right before lunchtime today and the only restaurant that was open and not having a decadent and expensive Thanksgiving Brunch instead of regular menu items was an Indian place — the samosa chat starter was so good, and the rest of the meal was also great.

  38. HiddenT*

    I’m gonna spend the day playing video games and probably have a frozen pizza for dinner. I’m not mad about this, although I do wish I could see my family, but I have an elderly cat who’s on multiple twice-daily medications (she’s doing great, just has a couple different health issues, but still has plenty of energy for her age) and my roommate has left town for the weekend, so travel isn’t feasible for me. I’m thankful she’s doing so well and that I have a roof over my head and video games to play.

  39. senior parent*

    Spouse and I will make a delicious dinner with all our favorites while simultaneously remaining calm and supportive of stressed kid’s work on college applications. Do not remember that process being so intense as it is now. We begged off any extended family invitations for kid’s sake–best decision ever!

    1. California Dreamin’*

      I have twins doing college apps this year, and I feel you… it is so much more stressful than it even was ten years ago when my eldest child went to college. My kids did a lot of early action apps, so their crazy month was October and they’re pretty much done. But yeah, it was A Lot. Best wishes for your kiddo!

      1. Pam Adams*

        FYI- The US college-age population is going down there’s going to be lots of competition for kids this year.

  40. Boggle*

    Looking forward to a quiet Thanksgiving tomorrow, just me and my husband. We are traveling less and less since we were always the ones to do it. We planned out the menu, starting with a nice breakfast in the morning. Bought prepared turkey, stuffing, gravy and pies from some really nice markets, and I made sure hubby got both pumpkin and apple pies. The mashed potatoes and green beans will be microwaved, with the green beans put in olive oil and garlic once steamed. The only thing missing is cranberry sauce, but I think we’ll make do. I hope everyone has a lovely day whether it be a small or large gathering. And be safe out there if you’re driving!

  41. Dr. KMnO4*

    My husband and I are doing a “Friendsgiving” with my best friend this year. He lives in the same town, so it’s way easier than traveling to either of our families (and less stressful overall). None of us love turkey, so we are having prime rib instead. I’m going to be attempting to make my MIL’s scalloped potatoes recipe. I never used to like scalloped potatoes, then I tried hers and I was sold. I’m just looking forward to a low-stress holiday.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate!

    1. Bananapant Modiste*

      IMHO the best Friendsgivings I ever had were:

      – my very first one as a poor student where I cooked two cheap little turkey drumsticks with a friend (and realized for the first time I could count my blessings and be thankful)

      – a later one with my first roast duck instead of turkey. In the middle of cooking, the ancient oven shorted out in a shower of sparks! We pushed the entire dinner (in an urban area) to a friend’s home in a shopping cart, redirected all guests there and finished cooking. Much hilarity ensued after everything worked out. :-)

  42. Jay*

    Any other Turducken fans here?
    I can’t get my family (extended or otherwise) to even consider one, but I can often find one on sale a day or two after Thanksgiving.
    It’s a nice treat, as I usually don’t usually cart too many leftovers from the family Thanksgiving meal.

    1. Decidedly Me*

      I’ve always wanted to try one!! My partner had one in college (before we met) with some friends and they did all the work themselves. He said it was delicious, but so much work. I just want to buy one sometime lol!

    2. Bananapant Modiste*

      We once had ordered a fresh turkey that turned out far too small, and it was way too late to get another one.
      I quickly conferred with hubby- we grabbed a duck and chicken to build said turducken.
      It’s a ton of work to debone the birds and wrap them in each other… but the result was enormously popular!
      Will do that again when I retire and have more time, no sooner.

  43. AloneAgainNaturally*

    My boss is all upset that I’m spending Thanksgiving by myself. I spent a bunch of time yesterday managing his feelings about it. It’s definitely a bigger deal to him than it is to me – I’m used to it.

    I also often run into this with online friends or others, some of whom make me expend energy explaining why their well meaning thoughts are not for me. It’s exhausting.

    I don’t volunteer to anyone that I spend most holidays by myself these days, but I also don’t lie about it if asked directly. I’m not ashamed of it, but I don’t want to deal with how this seems to horrify most people around me.

    Any suggestions for how to shut this down in either environment? Sometimes it’s live conversation, sometimes messaging or social media.

    Hopefully this is okay even though I mention work because it’s really about the more general problem.

    1. Jay*

      “I just really need to unplug for the day.” Has worked for me in the past when I Just Can’t Do It This Year.

      1. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

        I like this one. Usually I just say something noncommittal like “I’m staying home this year” and leaving it at that but that only works because I’m married and people assume there will be a Family Thing happening.

    2. Happy Being At Home Alone (with 2 cats)*

      Actually, I’m similar, and I just lie, saying something vague like, “I’m just casually hanging out with friends.”

    4. JSPA*

      “I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but I do collect unusual Thanksgiving recipes, if you encounter one”

      “I look forward all year to recharging my batteries, honestly! What’s your favorite part of the long weekend?”

      “My family traditionally did something the next weekend [because family work reasons, if you care to share] so not doing Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving is my family tradition. Did your family have any holiday quirks like that?”

      The two essential parts are a) “this makes me happy” and b) the quick pivot back to talking about them. A brief “yep, it’s unusual” between the two? Covers all the bases.

    5. WeirdChemist*

      I actually posted a similar question in the open thread a week or two ago. Some people just get really weird about how others are spending their holidays…

      Some advice:
      -If you’re not already, make sure you’re talking about your holiday plans in a positive tone. If you’re sounding morose about spending the day alone, people will try to match that energy. For /most/ people, talking about how excited you are for your own plans will have them matching the energy to be excited for you (or at least acting like they are)
      -If you don’t want to outright lie (I also don’t want to have to do that), you can feel free to either stretch the truth a bit or just not give a lot of detail. For instance, with my pushier coworkers, I told some of them that I was spending “all day” on FaceTime with my family, when in reality I’m FaceTimeing them for like 20 mins in the morning. You can just keep it vague and just say you have “plans” and no one needs to know that your plans are hanging out with the cat watching movies! I think this is definitely something you should consider for your online friends, as there’s less worrying about tone and more time to respond to questions
      -Recognize that you can’t manage other people’s feelings for them. Easier said than done, I know! It seems like there’s a few people in your life that you know to be energy vampires. They love feeding off of negative energy/drama/tragedy/etc. So the less of that you can give them the better. If someone wants to feel sad about something that’s not their business, then let them I guess. You can feel free to change the subject, give a bland “Ok”, ignore the emotional aspect of their words, or walk away from the conversation. For the online friends, feel free to just ignore inappropriate messages or take a longer time to respond. It seems like you’re putting a lot of time and effort into changing other people’s behaviors, has it worked? Are they listening to you and changing? It seems like no, so maybe stop making yourself go through the emotional effort. Either accept that these people are just This Way and move forward with your life in that acceptance, or re-think whether they’re really people who you want to be close to (or if they’re really people that deserve the truth from you)

      Anyway, from one solo holiday-er to another, I hope you have a great Thanksgiving! Here’s to cozy pajamas all day, avoiding holiday traffic, and not having to socialize with your least favorite cousin!

  44. Ginger Cat Lady*

    How do you feel about driving other people’s cars?
    My brother’s wife found out yesterday that her kids’ daycare was closing at noon today, and she had to work a full day. She asked if I could pick up her kids. Three kids, all in car seats (3 yo and 18 mo twins). That won’t fit in my small car. So I suggest that I drive to her office, we switch cars, I pick up her kids in her minivan, and drive them home. I’ll watch them there in the afternoon, and she can drive my car to her house. It’s a distance of about 2-3 miles.
    You would have thought I asked for her banking passwords or something. She was offended I would even suggest it. But logistically, it’s the only way I could think of for it to work for me to help her.
    Not sure what she ended up doing, but she decided she couldn’t trust me to help her? I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, and she was fine with me driving the kids when she first asked, not realizing they wouldn’t fit in my car. But her 10 yo minivan was too precious or something?

    1. Ali + Nino*

      You are very kind to have said yes to her request and to have come up with a way that it would have worked out. The only reason I can think of for her reluctance is if she worried you might not be comfortable driving a much larger car than you’re used to? But even that doesn’t make much sense, especially for an older car, and when she was in such a pinch. Long story short: You are a very good SIL and aunt!

      1. Ginger Cat Lady*

        We actually sold the minivan to them when I was downsizing around the time her twins were born! So I was completely comfortable driving it. It was my main car for almost 8 years.

        2. my brain is full*

          yeah, that makes it funny! You know the car better than she does.
          Could it be an insurance thing? Where I used to live, insurance only covered people specifically named in the policy, except in the event of an emergency (which this is not).

          1. amoeba*

            Yeah, that’s what I thought, that’s pretty common here in Europe – makes the insurance cheaper. But would still not explain the reaction though – I guess then she’d just say “aah, I don’t think that’s covered by the insurance, sorry” and not act all shocked!

    2. HannahS*

      I think it’s odd; as a parent it makes a lot of sense to have someone else drive my car.

      I get nervous driving other cars myself, because I’m not a very confident driver (in reality I am quite a good and safe driver, I just find it stressful) and being in a different car makes it worse. But in your shoes, I would have made the same offer. So I don’t know why your SIL wasnt comfortable.

      Also carseats are a huge pain to install/uninstall. and minimizing that process is safer and less troublesome for the person doing the transporting.

    3. fhqwhgads*

      She’s being weird. If I had 3 kids in carseats and asked someone else to pick them up I’d definitely be suggesting they somehow take my car to do so. Unless I knew they also had 3 carseats in their car already – and wouldn’t have their kids with them during the picking up, how else would you be able to do it? It’d be a giant pain in the ass to remove the carseats from my car and then install them in yours…and if you’re not someone who has them already I’d need to do the installing. Impractical to move the seats between cars in this context.
      I know some people are twitchy about anyone else driving their cars – usually I kind of am – but in this situation and especially with this short a distance, the car swap makes the most sense.

    5. Dark Macadamia*

      I don’t even like driving my husband’s car, just for habit/familiarity reasons, and would feel weird swapping cars with someone who isn’t family. But this is kind of a beggars can’t be choosers situation and I would put up with a good amount of discomfort to avoid moving carseats back and forth!

      1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        Same, my husband and I are both sticklers for not letting anyone (including each other) drive our cars, and we actually have a small discount on our insurance for specifically stating that we don’t allow anyone not on our policy to drive our cars. (Technically like, professional mechanics or similar who are working on it are an exception but those folks also in theory have insurance through the dealership.)

        But I also don’t babysit, so nobody would be asking me to transport three car seats worth of kids anyway :)

    6. Jay*

      I had an old girlfriend react like that, maybe 20ish years ago.
      After a little digging and prodding, it turns out that her parents drilled into her head driving someone else’s car was this huge, horrible thing. Everyone would loose their insurance (even if you were just the passenger!), both you and the owner would loose your licenses, maybe you would even be arrested, certainly face a giant fine if anyone ever caught you!
      No clue if they believed this themselves (and insurance can get a bit wonky when it comes to borrowing someone else’s car, as well as potential other liabilities), or if this was just their way to get their (at the time) teenage daughter to stop asking to borrow the car.
      As someone who has spent the last 28 of his 48 years figuring out which “rules”/”laws” my parents taught me are real and which were just them not wanting to have to keep explaining why I wasn’t allowed to do whatever I was bothering them about for the fifth time that week, that is something I can readily relate to.

      1. bamcheeks*

        Were the parents from another country? Because in the UK your insurance is usually tied to specific drivers in a specific car — it’s quite a lot more expensive to have comprehensive insurance which covers you to drive another car, so a lot of people don’t. I was astonished when I went to the US and my girlfriends and her flatmates thought nothing of driving each other’s cars!

      2. Falling Diphthong*

        Where I live, to get a license under 18 one of your guardians must take the parent course. One evening, the chief value of which is that when your intelligent, sensible 16 year old earnestly tells you the latest wild theory making the rounds of the high school–like the special exception to all the rules that applies within five miles of your home–you can say “Nope. I am sure Mr. Jones would have mentioned that in the course. Though you’re welcome to find this regulation you all are convinced exists.”

    7. Decidedly Me*

      I don’t like driving other people’s cars, but can if needed. Your solution made perfect sense and your friend was being weird.

    8. londonedit*

      Where I live, most insurance policies will allow you to drive someone else’s car with third-party insurance (i.e. insurance in case you damage someone else’s property) with the permission of the car’s owner, but if you want to be able to drive it with comprehensive cover (i.e. cover for the car itself as well as for damage to third-party property) then the owner will usually need to notify their insurer and probably pay a small fee to temporarily put you on their policy. You can do that for a day or a week or whatever. So I think that possibly makes people slightly more wary of just lending their car to someone – I’ve driven friends’ cars a short distance, but I wouldn’t want to drive any long distance or borrow a car for more than a quick trip without being properly on the insurance policy, just in case!

      1. Media Monkey*

        my thought was that it was perhaps an insurance issue but from the comments above it seems like US insurance is tied to the person in any car. every day is a school day!

    9. Morning Reader*

      Did she say she didn’t trust you to drive her car, or did she just find some other solution and not mention it to you? I don’t know why she didn’t like your solution, but it might have been an insurance reason or something that had nothing to do with you.

      I find it a little weird to drive someone else’s car because I have to think about everything that is a matter of habit in my own. It’s doable, though. As for my own, I called my insurer to find the rules and apparently I have coverage for another occasional driver, defined as up to 12 times a year.
      When I was away on a trip, my friend cat-sitting for me used my car to go to a local event, forgot to turn it off, and ran down the battery during the time they were at the event. Even though I told her at least three times, hit the “p” button to put it in park then the power button to turn it off. I have a hybrid so no key to switch off. Cars are so different these days you need a tutorial to drive someone else’s. I’m driving a friend around now post-surgery, sometimes using her car. You start it with a key and foot on the gas, not a button and foot on the brake. The backup camera is in a different place, the brakes are touchier than mine, the engine is more powerful and it surges forward at a touch, the hazard light button and a variety of dashboard controls are in different places than in my car. So, I *can* drive her car, I prefer not to, and I’m probably not quite as safe a driver in it as in mine. (Or, maybe I’m safer, it’s a big SUV, I’m paying more attention because I’m not on auto-pilot, and even if I hit something or got hit, the big SUV is likely to come out ahead, I don’t know.) anyway I’m more comfortable driving my own and not very comfortable with others driving mine. Still it would have been a good solution to the problem you were presented with.
      Question: does your SIL know you drive a small car? If so, why did she call you in the first place? She would know her kids don’t fit in your car. (Frankly I’d be tempted to strap all 3 in the passenger seat together, it’s only a couple of miles, and most of my generation survived standing up in the back seat and riding in the back of pick-up trucks. But these ones seem too tiny for that and if you told the mom that was your intention, she would likely say thanks but no thanks. That would likely get you busted faster than driving someone else’s car uninsured.)

      1. amoeba*

        Driving kids around without a proper car seat (let alone strapped three in one seat??) would be a *huge* no and considered extremely dangerous hereabouts, definitely much, much worse than borrowing somebody’s car!

    10. Pocket Mouse*

      …How did she think you were going to pick up the kids when she asked? Obtain a double stroller with ridealong board and walk the distance?

      Also, where is your brother in this? He’s totally missing from your description of the situation other than to describe your relationship to the woman you’re talking about, but you’re *his* immediate family, not hers. And presumably they’re his kids too so this kind of conundrum is equally on him to figure out.

      1. Ginger Cat Lady*

        I don’t think she had thought about carseats not fitting. And his job has zero flexibility, he’s a very involved dad who would have done it himself if he could. I have no issues at all with SIL calling me, we’re fairly close and it’s fine for us to communicate directly, we do it all the time. After all these years, she’s as much family to me as he is.
        I have another brother, too, and both are parents are still alive, too, sorry I didn’t mention them, either. I focused on the people in the interaction, not people who weren’t participating in the conversation.

        1. Pocket Mouse*

          I mean, “she couldn’t pick them up” is pretty different from “neither she nor my brother could pick them up”!

          About your brother though: does he know his wife refused your offer on the basis of not wanting you to drive their car (if that is indeed what happened) when they were in a childcare pickle? Are they on the same page about you/other people driving their car? Whether or not it’s common to feel the way your brother’s wife feels about other people driving her car, it seems important for the all three of you to be aware of each other’s comfort levels with non-owners driving their car, and what that means for logistics of asking you to help out in the future.

          As an aside, it really is kind of you to be willing to help them out like that – it seems like a pretty significant ask to me!

  45. Ali + Nino*

    Can we have a thread where we say what we’re thankful for, but it has to be something random?

    I’ll go first: I am thankful for learning how to do my hair (better – it’s still not perfect, but it’s a journey!). :)

      1. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

        I am thankful for Trader Joe’s lentil rings, which are delicious and I can’t believe they’re only two dollars.

    2. Bike Walk Barb*

      Going for a walk with my best friend this afternoon and hearing a great horned owl! We ended up hearing it multiple times, including one bit of “non-whoo” calls that we didn’t recognize. I have the Merlin app, which told us what it was, and for that last one we were underneath the clump of trees it was in. They were super tall and we couldn’t actually see the owl, but it was right there.

    3. my brain is full*

      I saw a cayote in a park this morning joyfully running around a park. At some point it picked in its mouth some trash, and then did head-over-heels somersaults. Amazing!

    4. Ginger Cat Lady*

      I’m thankful for creativity, and for how a daily practice of creativity (watercolor paint, doodling, photography, poetry, whatever I’m in the mood for – at least 5 minutes) has helped my mental health in the last 30 days.

    5. RLC*

      Thankful for a break from the “atmospheric river” storms in the western US. Calm and sunshine is a welcome change, particularly for those affected by the floods and wind.

    6. HannahS*

      Ooh that’s a fun one! I also switched to an easy, frugal version of the curly girl method and it’s really made my hair look nicer.

      I’m thankful that my mom still stocks the snacks I like, so that I can enjoy them at her house instead of what I would do if I bought them myself, which is subsist on string cheese and veggie straws.

      1. Ali + Nino*

        Yay! care to share your method? I’ve started using a leave-in conditioner and gel, plus revitalizing spray and gel on non-wash days. still pleasantly surprised the gel doesn’t make my hair “crunchy”!

        1. HannahS*

          Sure! For reference, on those hair charts I fit in around 2C to 3A, depending on the length (i.e. the weight) of my hair and the ambient humidity. The individual hair strands are thick, but I don’t have thick hair per se due to (thanks, Grandpa) male-pattern baldness. My hair is usually somewhere between a bob and shoulder-length.

          I wash my hair using Live Clean Argan Oil shampoo, condition and rinse off Garnier Fructis Hydrating Treat conditioner.

          After I turn off the water, I wipe my face, flip my hair upside down, scrunch in a Dove curl mousse, then plop my hair in a towel. If it’s a weekend or I’m feeling fancy, I use a diffuser but otherwise I air-dry. I scrunch it again once dry, and that’s it.

          I find that gel and leave-in conditioner weighs down my hair too much; since it’s sparse I really want as much volume at the root as I can get, to hide my scalp.

    7. Knighthope*

      I’m thankful that my need for a root canal, which was started Monday and finished today occurred before, and not on, Thanksgiving. And that most of the food on the menu happens to be on the soft side! Oh, and that I’m not hosting, just contributing.

    9. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

      I am thankful that the gel polish I put on as a test has lasted for three weeks without chipping or peeling. I can’t remember the last time my nails have gone this long without breaking. I can almost see the edges peeking out over my fingertips!

    10. BellaStella*

      I am thankful for:
      -Alison and this community
      -my job
      -my kitty, friends and family
      -my health
      -coffee
      -being able to share food with friends and be in person with them
      -snow and sunshine
      -birds and all wildlife

    11. The gourmet cupcake*

      I learned a new word – momiji. Apparently it’s the Japanese word for the color of maple trees, and the color they turn during autumn. I’m grateful I have a word to describe that thing that I’m thankful for!

    12. Falling Diphthong*

      I am thankful I found a second just-the-right-size hair clip shortly before breaking the first.

    13. My Day (they/them)*

      I’m thankful for last night’s discovery that plain SunChips are delicious with salsa. We were out of tortilla chips and needed some kind of vitamins on the table, so hey, why not?

    14. carcinization*

      Because of the weekend open thread I found out about a local author who has a bookstore only about 20 minutes from my house! My husband and I went there on Tuesday and I got a book there (by a different author, but still) that I have been meaning to submit as a choice for the book club I’m in. So thankful for all of that!

  46. California Dreamin’*

    I’ve been making the full Thanksgiving dinner for 25 years, so I pretty much have it down to a science. We’ve typically had either some extended family or family friends join us, so my timetable has always looked something like dinner will be at 5:00, people are coming at 3:30, I’ll serve cocktails and hors d’oeurves once everyone arrives. This year it’s just our immediate family and my mom, and yesterday I was struck with the lightning bolt that everyone will be here pretty much all day and I am not tied to that timing. We can enjoy pear mimosas and stuffed mushrooms at 2:00! We can eat at 4:00, or at 6:00 if that’s how it works out (turkey timing, amiright?)!

    Also I love setting a fancy holiday table. Since my mom moved close to us this year, I’m using her fine china instead of mine because I figured she’d like that. It’s super simple and the table looks beautiful and elegant set for the six of us :)

  47. Vikki*

    I’m having Thanksgiving this year with part of my half of the family (my aunt and uncle, their twin kids, and my maternal grandma). My girlfriend and her entire half of the family, as well as my parents and my little brother, unfortunately (except for the little brother, who I absolutely cannot *stand*), live too far away to join us; I’m in Minnesota, while girlfriend and co. live in Lower Peninsula Michigan (I visited her earlier this month – *god* I still miss being with her in person!) and my parents and brother’re way over in Massachusetts.

    My GF and I’re planning on me visiting her the week of next Thanksgiving (assuming our existence in this country remains possible by then – we’re both trans, hence the uncertainty), tho!

  48. Bike Walk Barb*

    A few years ago when we still had four kids in their teens/20s who would be with us for Thanksgiving I changed my approach from “must produce amazing spread all at once” to “Favorites Four-Day Weekend.” I asked everyone their favorite foods, especially Thanksgiving-y ones but that wasn’t a requirement. I committed to making at least one favorite for everyone over the course of the weekend and laid in lots of cheese, crackers, and other noshes. Each day I cooked what I felt like cooking from that list, never attempting to have a full meal available at an appointed time. We might have pie in the morning and dressing for lunch along with whatever else people felt like snacking on. Meals weren’t scheduled; people ate when they were hungry.

    It was fabulous.

    I love to cook but the timing and variety are killers for one person to produce. My mom had a systematic approach down to planning which serving dish and utensil would be used for each mandatory food item. I’ve done it occasionally, I’m capable of it, but that’s not fun for me any more.

    Now those kids are far-flung adults and my husband has a very restrictive diet for health reasons. I’ll cook what I feel like cooking over the next four days to continue the tradition and have video calls with the kids, whom we visit at other times of year when it isn’t such a travel nightmare.

    It will be fabulous.

    1. Dark Macadamia*

      This sounds ideal to me. I’m not a big fan of most Thanksgiving dinner foods but love all the snacky/appetizer stuff and desserts.

    3. Texan In Exile*

      “the timing and variety are killers for one person to produce”

      My favorite line in “Mennonite in a Little Black Dress” is something about how Mennonite women have a gene making them capable of putting a 12-course meal on the table with every dish hot at the proper time.

      1. Bike Walk Barb*

        I do sometimes marvel at how I can coordinate to have multiple dishes done at the same time when I go to the trouble of doing that. Must be the same cook’s instinct that gets me to visit the oven about 30-60 seconds before the timer goes off, not that I’ve been paying attention to time but because something tells me it’s been just about long enough. For Thanksgiving with its many dishes requiring the oven it’s a particular feat to pull off. I know my mom’s elaborate planning took that into account; those pies were done the day before.

  49. RetiredAcademicLibrarian*

    This turned into a hellacious holiday. I’m back in my home town for Thanksgiving with my mom & sister and my mom fell and broke her hip. After a hip replacement, she moved to a rehab facility today and she is not happy. She has short term memory problems and forgets she has given consent for each part of the process so we have to go over it over and over and over.

    3. Sister George Michael*

      Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that! I’ve dealt with parents with memory problems and it’s Not Fun. I’ll join with my fellow commenter in sending you all my spare patience! I hope you are able to take a few moments dedicated only to yourself, if only a short walk outdoors or online retail therapy.

    4. Bike Walk Barb*

      So sorry to hear this! We were fortunate my parents executed health care power of attorney and legal power of attorney before my mom got too far into her dementia. Not that it was easy or fun to say “I’m the appointed decider here” when she was still capable of wanting to know what was coming, given that she definitely deserved to know what was happening to her own body.

    5. NotSoRecentlyRetired*

      My roommate (F61) broke her hip 12 weeks ago and is healing nicely. And then on Sunday evening she tripped while picking up the cat dishes in her bedroom, so we spent 6 hours in the ER, getting X-rays for her broken arm.
      We/I cooked sides all day yesterday and her daughter (and family) picked her up to her mom’s house. I’m relaxing at home and getting laundry done.

  50. WoodswomanWrites*

    I am off on Thanksgiving Day for my tradition of more than a decade–a solo road trip overnight to the wildlife refuges to the north to take in the spectacle of hundreds of thousands of ducks, geese, wading birds, raptors, sandhill cranes, and many other birds than winter in California’s Sacramento Valley. Just me, my road food, my binoculars, my camera, and many warm layers. I’ll be out at dusk for the whir of wings as the snow geese take off and at dawn for the ducks and sandhill cranes waking up.

    I am blessed with a wonderful human family but we appreciate not having to travel from our locations around the country during a holiday. I see my mother in her retirement community nearby often, and we agree there’s nothing special about joining her in the big dining room.

    Different for my trip this year is that I’ve decided to stay at a hotel for two nights instead of my usual one, with more time to visit other locales including the side roads through the agricultural fields. More time at more places with more birds!

    I am deeply thankful for nature.

    2. Vikki*

      I know that by “raptors” you mean birds of prey, but I can’t help enjoying the mental image of the Sacramento Valley being overrun with velociraptors. XD

  52. TheParisian*

    Question from a foreigner living abroad.
    Do I acknowledge Thanksgiving with my US work colleagues (longtime US citizen, first-gen US citizen, expats/immigrants from all over), or can it be a bit touchy like Christmas ?

    For once I’d also like to aknowledge their holidays since I’m usually the one saying “we’ll, I won’t be working this day/week”.

    I’d just like to convey “hey, here’s me acknowledging your culture/life and giving low key best wishes”, in the same way they do when they say “wonderful Bastille day!” (which is really sweet because we don’t really wish it to each other, but I genuinely appreciate the thought).

    (from my anecdotal experience, the USA lives their holidays very intensely, especially in public/work spaces, and understandably generates more backlash/annoyance for people who don’t want to take part).

    1. Catagorical*

      The history is more controversial, but the actual current holiday is more family gathering and doesn’t have the religious aspect of, say Christmas. At least that’s how it seems to me.

      As it applies to all Americans of all/none religions, it seems it would be safe to wish just about anyone a happy thanksgiving.

      But, this is an astonishingly large and varied country, and I can only offer my own impressions.

      1. Pocket Mouse*

        I agree with this, with the caveat that even though it’s generally a family-gathering-oriented holiday, you can’t assume a given individual will be gathering with family, or even want to. I’d say it’s always safe to wish someone a good day off of work for [holiday] and, if you want, ask if they have plans.

    2. Roland*

      I think it’s fine and kind to wish them a happy Thanksgiving ahead of time (too late for that now) or ask if they had a nice Thanksgiving on Monday! As someone who spent decades as an immigrant in the USA, I haven’t met many people who would be offended because they are an immigrant and don’t celebrate. Most immigrants (in my 9-5 worker bubble) end up picking it up too as an excuse for a nice gatheirng on a day they get off for free. And even if they don’t, haven’t met one who would find it offensive.

      There are people out there who do not celebrate for reasons of colonialism etc but especially from a foreigner, I think it’s a pretty benign well-wishing.

    3. GreetingsPrograms*

      Happy Thanksgiving should be fine, but if you want something more general to cover the whole end of year, I generally say something like “enjoy whatever holidays you celebrate”

    6. Glomarization, Esq.*

      American here. I’ve spent at least 10 Thanksgivings working abroad, and when it comes up I’ve appreciated a quick, “Hey, happy Thanksgiving” from my colleagues.

    7. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I think if someone makes it clear they celebrate the holiday, it’s fine to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving, just like it would be to make any other holiday appropriate greeting for other things they celebrate.

      I do think it’s worth being mindful of the history of the event and the re-consideration a lot of people are giving it through an anti-colonial lens. Some of the comments above have the sentiment “It’s fine, it’s an American non-religious holiday, it’s for everyone!” which I wouldn’t say is strictly true. There are lots of people, both Native American and not, for whom the day is often considered a day of mourning.

    8. fhqwhgads*

      What I generally hear/see at work (very international company, although majority US and I am in the US) is people say “have a good Thanksgiving to those who celebrate”.
      It is definitely nowhere near a tricky subject as Christmas is, but, most people who acknowledge Thanksgiving also acknowledge that no everyone is down with it, which I think is great, regardless of why someone isn’t down with it.

  53. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

    A week or so ago I had a brilliant idea, which was I would agree to go to my parents’ for thanksgiving but on the condition that we had to do a specific fun group activity. It’s the kind of adventure my mom would usually not try but I said if the others could convince her to do it then I’d go. I was bracing myself for the chaos when I found out everyone else were going tomorrow. Since the activity could only be done today and there’s a minimum group size, I said welp, I guess I’m not going.

    Then I thought about sending a dish to my parents with the rest of the horde but as of Monday I never heard back despite repeated attempts at getting an answer about if there was room and when to bring it. So on the plus side, that was less work for me because it would have been a two and a half day project.

    I also don’t know if I’m supposed to feed the pets of one set of the family while they’re gone because that topic was brought up two weeks ago but they didn’t make any concrete plans. Then about five days ago they still didn’t know if they were leaving today or tomorrow. It’s been radio silence ever since so I guess I don’t have to feed any critters? I am going to check tomorrow afternoon just in case. But this is kind of how it goes trying to coordinate anything with my family. You should see everyone trying to plan going to a restaurant. It’s such a cluster that when I’ve relayed the events to people, they did not believe me.

    Also, my employer gave us all Friday off because too many people called out because of holiday travel. Which I am absolutely not telling anyone in my family. As far as anyone knows, I am working 7am to 7pm on a special project and getting holiday overtime and I will take that story to my grave.

    1. Turkey chutney*

      I don’t really understand any of this but especially the past about the group activity, manipulating your mom, and how that ties into you not going to Thanksgiving, etc.

      I think I understand the part about work—your boss decided to give everyone Friday off because everyone called out but you’re letting people think you still have to work a 12 (I’d say healthcare but ain’t no way that would happen).

      But the stuff about like, only going to thanksgiving if your mom did a group activity she normally wouldn’t want to, and now everyone wants to do it but *now you don’t want to so you aren’t showing up after all*???? Why not just say you aren’t coming to thanksgiving this year, without all these Machiavellian twists? Or saying you can’t because of work even if that weren’t technically true (since you’re already lying by omission about working on Black Friday)???

      I mean, I understand the frustration of trying to make plans and get info from family members who are all “traa laaa laaaaaa” about that sort of thing even when it’s important stuff like who is bringing what dish to a event, or pet sitting logistics (!), or restaurant outings. Been there, done that, have seen it play out with other people’s families (my sister’s in-laws OMG—she refuses to go out to eat with them anymore because they are so allergic to the concept of making reservations or even just planning a night out that *doesn’t* involve waiting 90 minutes to be seated), etc. So I get wanting to just remove yourself from all of that.

      But what I don’t get is why you couldn’t just say “sorry but I’m not coming to Thanksgiving this year” like an adult and instead went with a very convoluted and weird form of blackmail (?) that both backfired on you and was pretty dumb and pointless to begin with.

      1. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

        Most of my family lives in the same town as me. My parents live five (four if traffic is good) hours away. The plan this year was for thanksgiving to happen in the town most of us live in. Because I wouldn’t have to travel, I signed up for a work project for end of November because extra money never hurts (normally I’m furloughed during this time). Two weeks ago, I found out that everyone else had changed the plan a month ago and everyone is now going to travel to where my parents live. By the time they told me (which only happened by accident, otherwise I wouldn’t have found out until a few days ago), it was far too late for me to back out of the work project (and too late to get a pet sitter).

        So I told them sorry, I can’t come because I have to work this week and the day after thanksgiving. And thus started two weeks of blackmail, emotional BS, scolding, and a litany of reasons why my job isn’t important enough to skip thanksgiving, along with every conceivable method they could find to get me to visit. They are “disappointed” in me for staying home. I would have to take off work early Wednesday to make the drive, then drive back Thursday afternoon if I was going. I thought the group activity could be a good compromise because everyone had been talking about doing something like that for years. Sure, I’d be wiped out from driving and it would make work the next day hellish, but it would be worth it to keep the peace. But kind of pointless if no one else will be there so I said sorry, looks like it won’t work out.

        So no, I didn’t start Machiavellian manipulation. I tried to find a way, despite a host of other reasons why me traveling to my parents is a bad idea. But it just isn’t going to work.

        No reason is good enough for my family because they are bananapants. They changed plans, didn’t even tell me they were considering it, and then sat on the changed plans info for weeks until it was too late for me to adjust, but I’m the bad guy. I haven’t even heard from anyone since Monday.

        I posted about this earlier but I realize not everyone would have seen it. I was trying to avoid a long backstory about why I generally hate thanksgiving because it’s like this every time.

        1. Zebra*

          But why would you be participating in a group activity (it sounds like this is something out of the house, like an escape room) on Thanksgiving Day? Isn’t the main activity eating? Also, aren’t most things closed on Thanksgiving…why could it only be done today? It kind of sounds like you were trying to hijack the day.

          1. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

            No, the activity was for yesterday, Wednesday. But everyone else was going to arrive today, Thursday, making it a moot point. When I wrote the post, it was still Wednesday.

            2. A perfectly normal-size space bird*

              I found out this afternoon when I called my dad that no one else had left until noon and wouldn’t arrive until around 4pm. The leaving late was unplanned, apparently the rest of the family decided to sleep in and have a leisurely morning.

              Mom is NOT happy, as apparently the original plan that was made and confirmed multiple times was they eat at noon, so she had started cooking with that plan in mind. So when she got a call at 11am saying they were leaving in an hour, I imagine the sound inside her brain was have been shattering glass and a loud tyrannosaurus roar.

  54. Bananapant Modiste*

    I’m currently in Europe, so no holiday today.
    However, hubby will join me in a week or so, and I’ll then set up an early December Friendsgiving party with a bunch of American, British , European friends who love the idea of an expat shindig.
    Cue making all sorts of American dishes from scratch as this country doesn’t have the ingredients…
    There’s a great deal to be thankful for – being still around after serious illness is just one of them.

    2. Damn it, Hardison!*

      Oh no! It’s never a convenient time, but why do appliances always seem to die at the worst time? I had an oven die 2 days before Thanksgiving. It’s like they know!

    3. M&M Mom*

      Our oven died yesterday. We are having sous-vide turkey breast, so we are good with the tricky part, but had to switch up dessert/bread/sides

  57. Bananapant Modiste*

    The electrician finally came after three weeks of running the fridge off a looong extension cord from the living room!

      1. fhqwhgads*

        Commercial fridges are. Standard intended-for-home-use fridges are generally 120. They’re not recommended to be used with an extension cord anyway tho.

  58. Evan88*

    I decided to go on strike this year and not do the traditional spread. No china, no silver, no crystal. I’m doing paper plates, beer, and Popeyes chicken with all the sides.

    1. Boggle*

      Sounds GREAT! Hubby and I went the semi-traditional route in that we bought pre-made/sliced turkey and fixings *we* like. Heard what MIL is bringing to BIL’s house and am glad we aren’t joining in (no offense, love my MIL!). Looking forward to a quiet, relaxing day of eating what we want to eat.

  59. BlackFriday*

    Anyone (in the US not in a 24/7 coverage type job) working on Friday?

    I used to love working on Black Friday. It was a low key day when most other folks took the day off so it was quiet enough to get stuff done. I had a few years back when the deals were just in person and just on Friday when I worked about eight blocks from a midsized mall and I’d go shop for an hour or two then bring my bags to work.

    I’ve been getting Friday off at most recent jobs and I kind of miss working that day. It’s rare to have low key, nothing but work on stuff I need to get done days.

    1. Caramel & Cheddar*

      I feel this way about working between Christmas and New Year’s. I’ll take those days off if I still have PTO leftover to use up, but if I don’t, I don’t mind working those days.

    2. fhqwhgads*

      When I didn’t get it as a paid holiday I loved working it because almost everyone else took it off and I was SO PRODUCTIVE without interruptions. I’d save my “do by EOY and need to focus for several hours” stuff for that day. It was great.
      But my current job it is a paid holiday, and more than half my coworkers tend to take off the last two weeks of December, so now I have more than a single day of nobody around good focus time.

  60. Morning Reader*

    Anyone else have a thanksgiving dish named after a family member? I make “Aunt Nina Salad,” so called in my family because it was my great aunt’s recipe, served at holiday meals. I still call it that although I am the only family member left who remembers Aunt Nina. (It’s some version of “ambrosia,” with fruit and sweet whipped cream, that may have been popularized in the 1920s when exotic canned fruit and bananas became available.)
    It’s not the best or the worst thing on the holiday table but it gives some variety from the heavy meat-potatoes style of the rest. Bringing it to Friendsgiving this afternoon.

    1. Falling Diphthong*

      Not Thanksgiving, but tuna melts are “Aunt Kathy Specials.” Astonished to learn that they apparently existed outside our immediate family.

    2. Roland*

      Not thanksgiving-related, but we have a “John cake” where John is my aunt’s ex (and my cousins’ dad so he’s still vaguely in our orbit). I guess he really liked it!

    3. Alex*

      We actually have cookies in my family that are named after my mother and aunt’s childhood neighbor. We always make them at Christmas.

    4. oh wow really anon for this one*

      So, again not Thanksgiving, but we used to have a dish called “Aunt ___ Eggs,” which was just scrambled eggs with grated cheese and bacon bits (real bacon bits, not the fake things) because that was the way that she preferred them, but my significant other and I grew to dislike Aunt ___ eventually, so (this being around the turn of the millennium), we began calling these eggs “Freedom Eggs” instead and still refer to them that way over a decade later.

  61. Jaya*

    It’s a quiet Thanksgiving. Normally one of my older siblings would try to fly in and we’d celebrate together, but neither could get time off so it’s just mom, younger sibling, and me. I’m doing my best to take it in stride since we did a video call with one sibling to start the day.

  62. Vio*

    As a non-American I really wish we’d adopted the Thanksgiving tradition instead of having Black Friday invade all of our shops. There’s already too much commercialism involved with Christmas as it is, but over the last decade or so it’s gotten worse thanks to our adopting the worst of the US tradition and leaving out the part involving gratitude. There’s a lot I like about the season but I find consumerism to be extremely depressing.

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