is my job bad enough that I should quit?

by Alison Green on March 5, 2026

A reader writes:

Over the past few years, my responsibilities have grown well beyond my original job description. I now manage procurement end-to-end, track budgets, support multiple project managers, and draft reports. This expansion has happened informally — no title change, no pay adjustment, and no formal acknowledgement of the shift in scope.

What’s making it harder is that after four years in the role, my team lead has openly said they don’t really understand procurement. As a result, I often feel like I’m operating without informed oversight or support, yet I’m still accountable when something is questioned.

Recently, I attended what I thought was a general catch-up about a system transition. Instead, it became what felt like a performance-style discussion led by someone who isn’t my supervisor. I wasn’t given notice of the concerns beforehand. At one point, I was asked, “What do I tell the director — do I throw you under the bus?” which felt intimidating. I tried to explain workload pressures and the inherited manual systems I’m managing, but I felt talked over and dismissed.

There have also been repeated instances over time where colleagues have made belittling comments about my hours, leave, or workload. I’ve been publicly called names like “idiot” and “dickhead.” When I’ve been on leave or flex days, I’ve still been contacted and pressured about tasks.

I also experienced a serious medical event last year. While I was hospitalized, there were inquiries about when I’d return to work and whether my family could be contacted. Although some of it may have been framed as concern, it felt intrusive. Since returning, I’ve had comments suggesting some of my stroke-related difficulties were “just an excuse,” which has been distressing.

I’ve tried to resolve things informally. My manager acknowledged that one recent meeting didn’t go well and apologized, which I appreciated. HR has explained that bullying must involve repeated and unreasonable behavior. I’m not sure where the line is anymore.

Part of me wonders if this is just poor communication and a high-pressure environment. Another part feels increasingly resentful, overextended, and psychologically unsafe. I don’t want to be seen as compiling a case against colleagues, but I also don’t want to keep absorbing behavior that feels disrespectful.

How do I tell the difference between normal workplace conflict and bullying? How do I address scope creep and role ambiguity when my manager doesn’t fully understand the function I’m performing? And at what point do you decide a workplace isn’t likely to change?

This workplace sucks and you should get out.

It doesn’t matter whether it meets a specific definition of bullying or not. People there are horrible to you! They call you names (!), belittle you, don’t respect your time off, and implied your stroke was “an excuse” (!!). None of that is okay.

Some of this on its own might be frustrating but not outrageous, like your team lead’s lack of understanding of what you do. Hell, maybe that meeting where someone asked what to tell the director about your work was legitimate; I don’t have enough context to say. But there are enough other things here that are wildly unacceptable — see the paragraph above — that they overshadow that stuff anyway.

On top of that, your job has expanded dramatically and your pay hasn’t budged in four years.

When you ask, “How do I tell the difference between normal workplace conflict and bullying?” I think you’re asking, “How do I know if this is worth leaving over or not?” And the answer is: it’s worth leaving over. These people are jerks. And it isn’t one person. Multiple different employees have been awful to you. HR isn’t willing to intervene (and for some reason is stuck on “bullying,” when the label doesn’t matter as much as the specifics of what has been happening). On top of all of it, you’re being underpaid.

You should get out.

{ 139 comments }

{ 139 comments… read them below }

  2. ZSD*

    Oh, my goodness, yes, get out! As soon as I got to “idiot” and “dickhead,” I knew you needed to leave. And that was before you said people claimed you were using the effects of your stroke as an excuse!!!
    How awful. I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with this kind of environment. Please try to leave.

    2. Tio*

      If someone called someone else dickhead at my job, they would at MINIMUM be severely disciplined. No workplace should involve name calling.

      Like, there would be a whole bunch of advice we could give you about resolving the pay, title, and job understanding portion, but I’m not going to bother because this place sounds so incredibly bad otherwise.

      1. Kiriana*

        Even if it was really obviously one of those “friends who say mean things as part of their friendship” things I would think they should be reminded that in a mixed audience you have to be careful with the kind of in-jokes you make because not everyone will be able to tell/be sure that it’s meant that way. You do not speak that way to coworkers.

    3. Cobol*

      I would leave now, but it might be a business that leans towards free use of terms like dickhead and idiot that aren’t necessarily meant as insults (I know it’s an insult. I would take it that way too*). Sounds like this is something like construction. LW should leave because he works with too many people who even though they don’t understand the job assume they can tell LW they are doing it wrong.

      *Construction, any sort of mining, restaurant work, and I think really any type of manufacturing will use this language. It doesn’t make it okay or that anybody should put up with it, but it is an accepted industry norm, so either go into it knowing that is the way it is, wait for the industry to change, or don’t go into it.

      1. Jules the 3rd*

        Not all manufacturing. I worked computer manufacturing and name calling, even ‘meaningless’, would not have been accepted by either my company or by the contract manufacturer. I have seen it in a smaller shop (ie under 10 people), but it really is a company culture thing.

        1. Monkeying Around for Money*

          Steelwork isn’t even tolerating it anymore for the most part, though I’m sure that depends on region.

          It’d be a meeting upstairs at the very least.

      2. Meow*

        I mean… I work in a field that attracts a lot of blue collar types and former blue collar workers. Completely different norms for professionalism. And you can tell when someone is just cursing, or cursing at you. Like I am actually a person that is extremely triggered by being yelled at and I’ve never once been triggered at work by crude nicknames and general cursing. If OP is bringing it up, they probably have an inkling that they way they’re being talked to is not ok.

        (And yeah there are places like restaurants where your boss or coworkers might actually curse *at* you, but I’d still argue that’s unacceptable and outside the norm, even if it’s more common than office work)

        1. Meow*

          And for what it’s worth, I’ve never heard anyone called a nickname as rude as “dickhead”. Various inappropriate but non-curseword nicknames that jokingly suggest someone is a wuss or a loser, but nothing remotely angry.

      3. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

        I worked in construction and manufacturing for years. We swore a lot. We did not call people names.

        1. Antilles*

          Ditto. I’ve worked in construction-related industries for a solid two decades and insulting someone to their face isn’t a thing. Cursing out inanimate objects, as an adjective, or in a vague general way (e.g., “what blanking moron designed this”), sure.
          Directly to a co-worker’s face? Absolutely not.
          I think I can remember ONCE I’ve ever heard someone directly call someone an idiot on a job site and it was part of an angry/shocked “what the hell were you thinking, you could have killed someone, you idiot” rant.

          1. Cobol*

            Good to know for all. Haven’t worked in those for a while. I was never sworn about (e.g. that cobol is a dickhead), but sworn at (e.g. ah cobol you dickhead).

        4. Desert Rat*

          My very first job – early 2000’s – was on the office side of a construction company. I got called far worse than “idiot”. I do hope things have changed since then.

    4. Jessastory*

      I had the exact same reaction. To be clear, even if it was just about being underpaid for your increased scope of work, you would be justified in leaving, but you’re being treated horribly. Please get out of there.

      1. Ellie*

        Yes, OP I was on your side from your opening paragraph, when you said your pay and title have not kept up with your duties, and you’ve been doing them for 4 years. If you weren’t also experiencing abuse, I’d suggest one hard conversation around compensating you fairly for your role before looking for something else. But that would clearly be a waste of time since they do not understand or respect what you do. Concentrate on getting out.

        If that performance discussion guy comes back I suggest giving him your formal role description and telling him that none of that is actually your job. Let him chew on that for a while.

    5. Jules the 3rd*

      As soon as someone calls you names, it’s bullying. Repetition’s not necessary.

      The fact that HR doesn’t see it that way tells you they suck, their norms suck, and that probably means the company sucks. Get out!

      For context: I worked procurement for 20 years in a fortune 100 company for manufacturing, overseeing as much as $60M in parts orders per year, so at least medium pressure. If anyone had called someone names, they would have been immediately reprimanded and firing would have been on the table.

      This is NOT ok. And yeah, that’s before the stroke questions.

      1. Jules the 3rd*

        For the job hunt: there’s a ton of skills you’ve learned, and they can be transferred to a lot of different kinds of positions. I split my hunt into ‘technical’ and ‘procurement’ buckets, because I did a lot of spreadsheet building, ERP software changes and installations, etc.

        I’m now on the techie side in local government, and I love it. It was a pay cut, and you may not want to do that, but pay raises meant leaning into procurement sourcing and negotiations, which was my least favorite part of the old job. I’d already turned down one promotion because it would include those.

        As you hunt, pay attention to which jobs you are *interested* in, as opposed to jobs you’d accept bcs the money is good. And ask questions about the new place and ‘workplace culture’. I’m cautious of places that say ‘like a family’ or ‘real jokesters’, but my current place said ‘quirky and diverse’ and has lived up to it, in a good way.

        Good luck, and geeeeeet ooooouuuuutttt…

    6. Momma Bear*

      Presumably OP has those text that they could bring to HR. Sounds like the behavior is repeated and sustained. Also go formal with your manager. Whether or not they fully understand your role is less important at this point than backing you up regarding your work environment and task load. Even if people say things like that to others, it doesn’t mean OP needs to tolerate it and certainly feels disrespected.

      I agree to get OUT, OP. I once left a job that was killing my soul with nothing lined up – it got that bad. If you can stick it out for a bit, start job hunting in earnest. Sounds like you have a good set of skills.

    7. The Original K.*

      Yep, that was my “oh, absolutely not” point. If it were just the expanded role without expanded pay and everything else was good, I might say to ask for a raise and title change before jumping ship, but abuse AND being underpaid, AND they didn’t support you when you had a STROKE? Nah. Buh-bye.

    8. Jim Dandy*

      I once quit a job bc the CEO called someone else “dumb” and “useless” in a company-wide email. There is no place for that behavior in a workplace or anywhere else. That was my second day on the job and I resigned the next morning.

  3. hut on the rock*

    OP, I stayed in a similar position for 12 years thinking that it would be melodramatic or overly precious of me to quit. It was only after I got out that I could see how fucked up the entire situation truly was. You have done all you can for these people, and your reward is to be mistreated. Please get out ASAP.

    1. Beth*

      Any time you start thinking “Is this bad enough for me to quit?” is a good time to start job hunting and see what’s out there. Didn’t get a raise? Bad manager? Bad coworker who management doesn’t seem to be handling? The only thing it costs to look for a new job is your time. You can always decide to stay where you’re at if you don’t find anything better–but in a lot of cases, by the time you’re asking if it’s worth quitting, it’s bad enough that there definitely are better things out there.

      1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

        Yup, by the time you’re asking if something is worth quitting over, it probably is.

        1. Half Pint*

          This. If you’re giving serious thought to if it’s bad enough to quit, it is. And if those thoughts are stay for weeks/months or reoccur, consider leaving even without the next thing lined up. And if the toxic job is sapping all your time and energy and focus you have to quit to be able to effectively job hunt.

          (I understand quitting without something lined up is very risky or impossible for many.)

      2. Lacey*

        Absolutely. I’ve never worked anywhere as remotely bad as the OP, but by the time I was thinking, “I have to get out of this place, it was already a few years past the time I should have left.

        Which also meant, by the time I left… I wasn’t a very good employee. Which, for the OP’s situation, who cares? But in a normal scenario, you don’t want to stay on past the time you should leave, just becoming increasingly unpleasant to work with because you’re so frustrated.

    2. Media Monkey*

      i also stayed at a job for far too long because i felt like my boss had my back. he did on the day to day, but behind the scenes, he wasn’t supporting me, didn’t want me to get promoted or given more interesting work, because then he wouldn’t have me doing his boring work and picking up the stuff no one else wanted to do. and i didn’t even realise it until i moved teams and my new team heard the way he was speaking to me about a project i was finishing up for him and asked me if i was OK. leave now OP before this becomes your “normal” and you stop noticing how badly you are being treated.

  4. Sara without an H*

    LW — Please, why are you hesitating? Just the fact that the job has expanded significantly without an increase in pay or title would be enough to have me updating my resume. And then you work with nasty people. Why do you want to stay?

    You don’t say what part of the country you live in, and I understand that the job market is a little squirrelly right now. But you have experience and an impressive suite of skills. Take some time to think about what you’re good at and what you’d like the next phase of your career to look like. Go through the AAM archives and look at the stuff on resumes, cover letters, and job hunting in general. Start looking around at what might be out there for you. You’ll feel a lot better when you do.

    Good luck and send us an update when you find something.

  5. Madame Desmortes*

    I understand feeling like you need permission to leave, even when you know deep down leaving is better.

    So this internet stranger gives you full and free permission to leave this horrendous job, OP.

    1. Partytime*

      Not only do you have permission, but you would be doing the right thing for yourself, LW.

  6. Asloan*

    Also, like, it’s almost never the wrong decision to at least look around and see what else is out there, maybe submit some applications if you see things that look promising. I would advise that in far less dire situation’s than OP’s. However when people are calling you dickhead at work and you’re apparently supposed to just take that, I would suggest taking a week of leave and focusing on getting as many strong applications out as you can. Turn your phone off when you do.

    1. Lily Rowan*

      Yeah, that’s exactly right. Two years without a raise and I’d at least start looking. It is past time for OP to be looking for a new job!

      Most people can’t quit without something else lined up, but it is almost never the wrong time to start sending out resumes and getting in touch with contacts.

  7. Cookingcutie*

    To quote the Simpsons treehouse of horror, “get out!” This is awful in so many ways, the intrusiveness, the name-calling and the threats.

  8. Anita Brayke*

    This workplace sounds awful, and so do your “co-workers (I use that term loosely).” Yes, please leave here as soon as you can. And after you leave, don’t answer your phone or help them. They’re nasty, rude, immature people. You deserve way better, and they don’t deserve you!

  9. Wine not Whine*

    LW, if your best friend came to you and told you that what you’ve written here was happening to them, how would you react?

    Would you say, “meh, you’re overreacting”?
    Or would you say, “wow, that’s super bananapants, you need to be working on getting out of there yesterday!”?

    Sometimes you have to be your own best friend: show yourself the same concern and compassion that a best friend would, and tell yourself the things a best friend would tell you.

    1. Anonymask*

      This is a wonderful way to phrase it. “Be kind to yourself” doesn’t seem to work the same as “treat yourself like you’d treat your best friend.”

    2. Sleeve McQueen*

      I always like the line from comedian Greg Behrendt: when you’re in the presence of an asshole, your job is to leave, not wait around for them to get better

  10. MsM*

    Not that it really matters in light of “idiot” and “dickhead,” but I’m having a hard time picturing a context in which someone openly talking about “throwing you under the bus” would be justified. Granted, it might be marginally better than them not telling you and just doing it, but it pretty much tells you all you need to know about your (lack of) value to these people.

    1. Anonymask*

      That’s where I got stuck too. Basically asking you “is it okay if we throw you under the bus?” For what? Their lack of processes and understanding of the business? Their inability to take ownership of their behaviors/actions?

    2. Paint N Sip*

      Totally agree. At the very least they’re showing you that accountability at this company doesn’t exist except by finger-pointing, and leadership is seeking someone to blame – if this is the attitude coming from the top, get out get out get out

    3. Insufficiently Festive Cheap-ass Rolls*

      Yes! That stood out like a neon sign to me – names are childish, but this was a direct threat to LW’s position wrapped in an insult. That was the best day to polish up the resume and look elsewhere. Today is the second best day.

      This office is full of bees. Get out!

    4. cncxch*

      That is the part that threw me too, it is really aggressive. The insults are one thing but the power play aggression like this person boasting about having the power to throw op under the bus is…whew

  11. Alex*

    You don’t need to write a persuasive essay about why you want to leave in order to be allowed to do so. You can just leave.

    1. A. Lab Rabbit*

      Sometimes it can be useful to put things on paper and see them in black and white.

      I hope OP reads over their letter and realizes that yep, it’s perfectly okay to leave. Good lord, I want to quit this job and I don’t even work there.

      1. MsM*

        If OP wants support in delivering their resignation, I feel like we can drum up a pretty good crowd for them.

        2. Another One*

          And if it’s just a “is this normal?” The answer is no.

          No, this isn’t normal. No, all other offices aren’t like this.

  12. Emotional support capybara (he/him)*

    As an Internet sage once said: “if it sucks, hit da bricks.”

    This job TURBO sucks. Please get out. Honestly at this point I’d even say forget two weeks notice. Just get out of that hellmouth. please.

  13. Lew*

    This job requires you to spend time with people who are openly cruel to you: calling you names, mocking a medical condition. No one deserves that. There is no situation in which that is ok. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

    1. ReallyBadPerson*

      I did wonder if the high stress and daily assaults of this job actually contributed to or even caused the medical crisis. Years ago, when my husband had a high pressure job with a straight-up evil boss, he was hospitalized for heart palpitations numerous times. The condition magically resolved when he left that horrible job.

        1. Vindicated Iguana*

          I had an awful job my first job out of college and got shingles at 22. Stress can really suppress your immune system.

      2. Lily Rowan*

        Yeah, I’m currently having a physical symptom that can be cause or exacerbated by stress. Funny how it never shows up over the weekend!

      3. HeraTech*

        Funny how I only had heartburn working for one particularly horrible boss. Cleared up as soon as I quit that job.

      4. BlueSwimmer*

        My husband worked for a toxic privately owned small business and after he finally left, he lost 30 pounds without trying, his insomnia was resolved, and his anxiety disappeared.

      5. Banana Pyjamas*

        Migraines got so out of hand at my last job that they were 5-7 DAYS in length. They went back to their regular frequency and length after I lost my job.

      6. Shiny Penny*

        My friend got a new job after a decade at one that he was never quite sure was awful enough to leave.
        It’s been a year since he left.
        His chronic acid reflux is gone now. No medications needed at all. No more sleeping upright in a recliner.
        He’s off one blood pressure medication entirely, and taking only half the original dose of the other.
        That hell job did seriously harm his health.

      7. Goldenrod*

        This is such a good point. In my last bad workplace, I had diarrhea on the regular. (Sorry for the overshare.)

        It annoyed me, because in my head, I was strong, but my body still reacted to the abusive environment!

  14. Please Exit Through the Rear Door*

    The description of what’s happened on this job sounds like an episode of Ink Master.
    That’s not a good thing. Good luck in getting out, OP.

  15. I WORKED on a Hellmouth*

    Friend. I speak from experience. SO MUCH EXPERIENCE. GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT.

    In fact, if it’s been long enough since your medical crisis to start a new FMLA bucket or you still have usable time in your FMLA bucket (and your company pays you for FMLA time), talk to your doctor, get a note for anxiety, and job hunt on their effing dime. For real.

    Keep us updated, and remember that moving to a non-toxic environment (or even a slightly less toxic environment) will be a relief but will also be an adjustment–it will be weird at first, but you’ll feel a lot better.

    1. Jules the 3rd*

      Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

      Yes, LW, if anyone knows, it’s IW’ED0aH. Incredible stories, well told, tho – still would buy the book.

      1. I WORKED on a Hellmouth*

        Aw, thank you! I actually wrote everything down a year or two back–maybe one day if I ever figure out what the next step would be, I’ll throw it out there and see what happens. I also took some of the annecdotes and used them as inspiration for a very silly light fantasy story about pirate interns, lol.

    2. YoungTen*

      Yes! It takes a while to detox from a toxic environment. I was at my old place for over a decade, it took at least 1 1/2 years to feel emotionally normal again.

    3. Insufficiently Festive Cheap-ass Rolls*

      Oh, I *like* this idea! If you’re worried about burning FMLA, LW, then take paid time off and job hunt on their dime.

    4. Lee*

      “…start a new FMLA bucket or you still have usable time in your FMLA bucket (and your company pays you for FMLA time), talk to your doctor, get a note for anxiety, and job hunt on their effing dime.”

      FMLA does not guarantee pay, only that you will still have a job to go back to when it is over.
      In addition, doctors do not just sign FMLA paperwork because you ask them to. They will only sign the paperwork if, in their medical opinion, your condition requires time off work.

      1. I WORKED on a Hellmouth*

        Yes, I am aware. Some places DO pay you when you take FMLA time, or allow you to use your paid leave while on FMLA. Also, a good doctor will absolutely sign the paperwork if you work in a high stress and abusive environment that is affecting your health.

        Ask me how I know, and I will happily tell you about both my HR experience AND how I did this very thing when leaving a job that turned toxic (because after working on my original Hellmouth, I had promised myself to never stay in a terrible environment again).

  16. Cnoocy*

    Another thing to remember as you find your way out: 2 weeks notice is a courtesy for workplaces that respect you.

    2. MsM*

      And even if you initially provide it, you are allowed to change your mind if they decide to make things as miserable as possible on your way out.

    3. pally*

      Yep!

      In fact, once you give notice, just pick up and leave at the first derogatory statement/name someone lays on you.

    5. anon for this*

      A courtesy, and something people do because they want the soon-to-be-ex-employer to give them a good reference in the future. I doubt this company will give LW anything resembling a good reference later, whether they give two weeks notice, calmly resign effective immediately, or scream “that’s it, I’m out of here” and walk out.

      1. Lizzie (with the deaf cat)*

        Well they don’t even know what OP does, so their reference would not be useful at all.

  17. RIP Pillowfort*

    I have FLAMES. FLAMES OF RAGE on your behalf OP. How dare they say that about your stroke!

    How dare they call you names! I want you to see us all supporting you because you do not deserve to be treated like this and you deserve a better job. Go get your better job.

  18. Roscoe da Cat*

    Check out Alison’s tips on how to present all your lovely experience on your resume and wander off. Give them two weeks notice and shake the dust from your shoes!

  19. Not Tom, Just Petty*

    OP, why do you work for these people in this company?
    I’m not being flip. I’m hoping to help you look at your situation and realize no matter how you got here, you don’t have to stay.
    Did you get hired to do a specific thing for which you trained? Like is this your dream job? Or you spent four years in college and sunken cost fallacy?
    Did you get hired into a job you felt was a stretch position and you would need to prove yourself? “We have a lot of qualified people, but I see something in you, OP!”
    What is it about the way you got here that makes you think you need to stay/need to put up with abuse/need to take on every task, give up vacation, impose on your family?
    What do you think you owe them for this cursed opportunity?
    You had a stroke. And they mock you.
    Whatever debt you had has been paid.

    1. YoungTen*

      Op, Please consider these questions. I stuck around a place because I felt it was the only option I had. Each day in that toxic environment chipped away at the little confidence I had. Dont let this place do that to you. Get out of there, you deserve a healthy work environment

      1. Emily is "Aunt" Emily?!*

        This ^. It’s been decades, but I still regret wasting five years of my twenties because of this mindset.

  20. pally*

    Put this place firmly in your rearview mirror.
    They are taking out their issues on you. Unprofessional. Not okay. Ever. You know this.

    Practice some self-care. Be kind to you.

    Get all that good experience/knowledge on that resume and get yourself gone from there!

  21. H.Regalis*

    Being in a bad situation can *really* mess with your head. I’m glad you reached out to someone to get a reality check about this. No one deserves to be treated the way you’re being treated, LW.

    1. ReallyBadPerson*

      Yes. People in schools/workplaces with bullying problems, and those in abusive relationships begin to internalize the messages and starting thinking this is normal.

      LW, this is not a normal workplace.

      1. Emily is "Aunt" Emily?!*

        Yes, this. ^ If a partner in a relationship called you those names, they would be considered verbally abusive and would be showing you who they are. Leave so hard there would be a Letter-Writer-shaped outline in the door and dust swirling around you. :)

  22. YoungTen*

    Please get out while you still have your health and sanity. Take it from someone who stuck around a mentally unhealthy place for way too long. The longer you stick around, the more you question what is normal. Leave and let this place implode without you.

  23. It's Me. Hi.*

    All of us here are in your corner! I am sending bad vibes to your coworkers and HR. You are awesome.

    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      May their pillows never have a cool side and their socks always be a little bit damp.

      1. I WORKED on a Hellmouth*

        May they suffer flip flop blowout every time they are on hot asphalt.

            1. linger*

              A suspiciously thick and curly one…
              discovered only after getting stuck between their teeth.

    2. Capybara*

      May all their credit cards be declined and their internet connections always fail. Forever.

  24. Kevin Sours*

    Not just leave but be ready to say “not just no but eff no” when they inevitably want you to sort out their stuff for them after you leave.

    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      This. I had to stop typing before, because I was so irate. But OP, when you resign, simply resign.
      Practice in the mirror:
      “I am resigning. My last day is two weeks from today.”
      You need to finish X. “I will do my best to finish my tasks and transition work.”
      No, you can’t leave until you finish X. “I will do my best.”
      You will have to work after you leave. “I can’t do that.”

      1. Kevin Sours*

        Also “If you feel that way perhaps I should make this my last day”

        But I mostly meant the inevitable calls weeks or months down the road for which the only appropriate response is “click”.

  26. Le Vauteur*

    Feeling psychologically unsafe? GTFO, you can do better than that place, and you deserve better than that place. I got out of a Hellmouth myself recently, and things are SO much improved. Best of luck!

  27. Mcs*

    Ask yourself, if they’re so unhappy with your work, why do they keep increasing your responsibility without support? You’re being set up to fail, and that’s good enough reason to leave before we get to name-calling, which is totally unacceptable and a flag for a. environment where no one is feeling successful and the entire operation is failing.

  28. …*

    “ While I was hospitalized, there were inquiries about when I’d return to work and whether my family could be contacted.”

    I don’t understand. Did they want to speak to your parents and have your parents tell you to get back to work? Were they wondering if your siblings would provide coverage for you while you were out? I’m confused!

  29. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

    Horrible job, horrible coworkers, HR & management.
    Get out asap – but still try to screen for a decent place, not another hellmouth.

    1. Sara without an H*

      +1. The phrase “out of the frying pan, into the fire” got to be a cliche in English for a very good reason. LW, if you see this, just making the mental decision to start looking for other work may relieve some of the psychological pressure produced by working for a bunch of orcs. You should definitely spend some time in Alison’s archives looking at how to ask questions about office culture when you interview.

    1. Emily is "Aunt" Emily?!*

      And once you find something else–and you will–I don’t think this place deserves standard [any] notice.

        1. Emily is "Aunt" Emily?!*

          Absolutely. Since people consider the LW an idiot, clearly anyone can step in and take over this position. [sarcasm, big time]

  31. jef*

    I am so sorry about your stroke, LW. I hope you are recovering well. I had a stroke a few years ago and my workplace did not handle it well. First month wasn’t so bad, but after that there were repeated conversations about when I’d be back to normal. We had staffing changes (retirement) and my supervisor said I’d have to just work harder to keep up. Lots of comments about my ongoing effects, especially my fatigue. You deserve to work somewhere that people care about whether you’re okay. Good luck.

  32. Lurks@work*

    With the name-calling, hostility, and responsibility-creep, this is a textbook example of a bad workplace. Please get put now, OP!

  33. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

    Get out and don’t bother documenting your processes. Nobody there respects you or what you do, so clearly they wouldn’t want you telling them how to do it. Let them figure it out.

  34. anonymouse*

    HELL YES, and “hell” wasn’t the first word that came to my mind.

    It’s amazing and sad that people have such low expectations for how it’s normal to be treated at work that someone could write all this up and still feel like they were left with a question that needed to be asked.

  35. ICodeForFood*

    Please get out of there. It sounds like your knowledge and skills (that you have stepped up and taken on all procurement, track budgets, etc., without it ever having been part of the job you were hired for) would be valued by a reasonable employer. This is NOT a reasonable employer. You deserve better, and this company does NOT deserve you!

    1. ICodeForFood*

      Also–I don’t knwo if anyone else in the comments has suggested it, but since you are involved in procurement, you have a built-in network of vendors to network with. If you want to stay in procurement, talking with those you trust might be a good first step towards finding another job.

  37. Jonathan MacKay*

    Some bridges deserve to be burned.

    Some should be blown up.

    This is one of the latter.

  38. Capybara*

    I want to quit this job for you.

    My abusive call center ExJob (which resulted in my quitting and going on disability) was not half as bad as yours, OP.

  39. Helewise*

    LW, for what it’s worth, my jaw dropped halfway through your account of your workplace (literally). I’ve recently experienced a major change in my workplace that turned it from a pretty abusive situation to something… maybe healthy? Maybe amazing? Maybe too soon to say. But the more distance I have from the situation the more I realize how much I normalized things that were terrible. What they’re doing sounds awful, and you don’t need it to cross a certain threshold to decide that you deserve better – because you do.

    1. BellStell*

      I am glad the change (whatever it was) was good for you and hope things get and stay better!

  40. Willow*

    You should leave! Your coworkers are explicitly rude to you (calling you idiot and dickhead to your face?? That’s absolutely crazy and ridiculously inappropriate.), you have too much work, and you’re not even being paid well. The company would fire you without a second thought, there’s no reason you owe more respect to them than a 2 weeks notice.

  41. NotGoodEnough*

    LetterWriter, my heart goes out to you. I had a stroke a couple of years ago now, and I can only imagine how comments about stroke-related difficulties being “just an excuse” were. Invisible symptoms are difficult enough to manage, mentally and in practice, without people saying things like that. I sincerely hope you have good recovery support, and I would absolutely recommend looking for a new role or way to exit such a horrible environment.

    1. I Have RBF*

      This.

      I had a stroke 30 years ago. The medics weren’t sure I’d ever be able to walk or talk again. For the first couple years I had aphasia, which led to some amusing malapropisms. I still have some effects. The fatigue is real. The memory glitches are real.

      I *still* have to tell people to write it down if they want me to remember it and actually do it.

      I had one person buttonhole me on the way to the bathroom:
      Cow-orker: “Hey, RBF, can you do X and Y for me?”
      Me: “Sure. Drop it into an email for me.”
      Cow-orker: “Can’t you just remember it?”
      Me: “…” (blank stare)
      Me: “No, I can’t. My memory is Swiss cheese. Please write it down if you want it done. I won’t remember it after I get back from the bathroom.”
      They sent me the note, the work got done.

      On the bright side, I am living proof that there’s life after a stroke. Yes, I had to change careers because of the physical side effects, but I now love the career that I deliberately chose, instead of falling into.

      To help with the recovery, I recommend reading lots of books, learning new things, and developing a crossword puzzle habit. IOTW, do things that are enjoyable and stimulate your brain without being work stress.

      Lastly, best of luck finding a better job, because this one suuuuuucks boulders through a cocktail straw.

  42. West*

    So you are underpaid, took over so much more with nary a promotion or pay raise, are being name called, and accused of faking a severe illness?

    Leave now. I would not take this abuse. No pay raise and being bullied? No thanks!

  43. HiddenT*

    If you’re at the point where you’re questioning “is this bad enough for me to leave”, you’re already past the point where you should have been considering leaving.

    I say this as someone who’s stayed in a toxic job too long on multiple occasions (including my current one) because job searching is very difficult for me. You deserve better.

  44. ronda*

    one idea.

    if you have disability insurance at your work, maybe use that. you had a stroke…… you may be disable from it. talk to your doctor about it and maybe a lawyer who specializes in disability, because it sounds like you can’t trust your employer to give you good info about it.

    lots of people seem to avoid using disability insurance, but it is there for a reason and if you are injured in a way making it difficult to work from your stroke it is fine to use it.

  46. Morning person*

    OP, I feel like you have normalized so much bad behavior that you’re wondering if being called awful names and being disrespected in all the other ways is not so bad? ITS IS SO BAD- Please get out now.

  47. epicdemiologist*

    The sooner you leave, the sooner they’ll find out what it actually costs to hire someone who does what you do (instead of what they originally hired you to do). Find a better workplace and enjoy watching this place flail. I’ll bring the popcorn.

  48. The Rural Juror*

    I also once worked in a situation where there was significant scope creep in my job duties and other toxic behaviors from my leadership. It was a slow build over time and my boss had a tendency to act like it wasn’t a big deal to add one more thing over and over again. I knew for a while I wanted to leave but the job market in my area at the time wasn’t great.

    When I finally left, it was such a huge relief. LW, you need to get out if possible. Not just for your mental health but also for your physical health. The stress this job creates is not worth it.

    Good luck.

  49. Goldenrod*

    Yep, it’s a terrible work culture, and you deserve better.

    From personal experience, I can share that when you are *in* a culture like that, it’s normal to wonder if you are overreacting – everyone else is acting like it’s normal – but deep down, you know the culture is not right. It can also be normal to feel like “why bother switching jobs? It’s just going to be the same somewhere else.”

    Now that I’m *finally* in an office where everyone treats one another with respect, I will say that I could NEVER go back to a toxic office again. I would never put up with it again!

    But it can take quite a few tries to find a “good” office…because there are so many terrible ones! My advice: just keep trying, eventually you will land somewhere that is worthy of you.

  50. DJ*

    If you can’t afford to leave without lining up new work first start looking. It sounds like you have a wealth of experience! I hope something comes up soon!

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