this is how employers can help employees who are being abused at home

by Alison Green on March 25, 2026

Domestic violence can intersect with work in all sorts of ways. We’ve seen it in letters here, from the many people worried their coworkers may be experiencing abuse at home to the person whose colleague wanted to fire someone for being a victim of abuse. And some years back, we had an excellent letter from a survivor full of things her workplace could have done to help her, but didn’t.

I recently spoke with Bella Book and Nina Kanakarajavelu of Futures Without Violence about their work to help employers to support workers experiencing sexual harassment, domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking, and here’s our conversation.

Tell us a bit about the work you do in this area.

Nina: I lead our work through the Workplaces Respond National Resource Center, which is an initiative of Futures Without Violence. Our central mission is to equip employers and advocates with the knowledge and tools they need to effectively support workers experiencing sexual harassment, domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking.

Many people think of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking purely as personal crises. There is a misconception that these forms of violence happen at home and stay there. But we know from the research and our experience that survivors of violence are in the workforce and that the harms caused by abuse disrupt many aspects of their personal and professional lives. For survivors of intimate partner violence, being employed and having an independent steady source of income is a critical factor in being able to leave an abusive relationship, so protecting that connection to work can be genuinely life changing.

Bella: In a recent survey we did with the National Domestic Violence Hotline (the Hotline), 2,000 survivors shared how the violence they experienced impacted their employment. Many reported negative consequences like losing out on a promotion or being given fewer hours or responsibilities once they disclosed the domestic violence to their employer. Survivors also reported more extreme retaliation from employers, including harassment, discrimination, or being fired because of threats from an abuser or because they took time off to attend legal proceedings or heal from injuries.

Some states and territories have passed laws that make it illegal to fire a survivor who discloses what is happening to them, or that require employers to provide paid time off to employees while they address the violence they are experiencing.

Part of our work is making sure people know about employment laws that explicitly protect survivors. In our survey, 71% of respondents didn’t. Our Advancing Safety Through Employment Rights project is changing that.

People who are being abused / have been abused at home often deeply worry about divulging that to their employers, fearing that it will be held against them and they’ll be stigmatized or even fired. Can you talk a little bit about those concerns?

Bella: Unfortunately, it’s a legitimate concern. In most states and territories, it’s not illegal to fire someone for being a survivor of domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking. It’s also not illegal to treat someone worse because they are experiencing domestic violence. It is wrong, but not illegal. And, even in states where firing someone for being a survivor is illegal, it can be hard for most workers to enforce their rights or hold their employers accountable.

Nina: Concerns about disclosing abuse at work are completely valid and result from shameful gaps in current state and federal law. Disclosing abuse is an intensely personal decision; it means letting people in your professional life see a part of your private life that you may feel embarrassed about, even though you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed of. People have internalized harmful myths about what causes domestic violence and who can experience it. We try to help employers understand that a survivor of abuse disclosing that abuse is an act of real courage and trust. Every employer should strive to build workplaces where people feel safe enough to ask for help without fearing it will cost them their jobs.

Bella: When someone chooses to trust you with their experience of violence, the first thing you can say is, “Thank you for trusting me with this. How can I help?” And then, listen to what the survivor actually needs to stay safe. Even well-meaning coworkers and supervisors sometimes respond in ways that cause harm when they make assumptions about what the survivor needs to be safe. By trusting the person experiencing harm, you are giving them back some of the power and personal autonomy that the abuse has taken away.

What legal protections do exist for people in that situation?

Bella: So, there are no survivor-specific employment federal laws, but there’s a lot at the state and local levels people should know about. There are four major types of employment protections for people experiencing domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking. Our 2026 report, Work Without Fear, identifies the state and territory laws that currently exist. These protections correspond with the four big employment-related needs that survivors, and the people who support them, have identified as crucial to staying economically secure while navigating violence.

First, survivors need access to time off work. Most of the services that survivors need access to — like obtaining a protection order, accessing counseling and medical care, relocating — are only available during business hours. No survivor should have to choose between work and safety. Most survivors live in a state or territory with at least one type of leave law available.

Ideally, this time off is paid and job protected. “Job protected” is legal jargon, but it just means “it is illegal for my boss to fire me for doing this.” 20 states and the District of Columbia have laws that require most employers to provide Earned Sick and Safe Time. These laws explicitly say that when an employee needs time off for specific safety-related activities, their employer must give them a set minimum amount of paid time off. Most provide around 40 hours of paid time off per year as that minimum.

13 states have state-run paid leave programs that a survivor who needs extended time off (usually more than seven days total) can apply to. If the application is approved, they will receive regular payments from the state while on leave. These programs are a form of social insurance, where every employer and employee pays in a little bit. Workers then draw out payments as needed. Some state programs only provide these payments for health-related reasons, but others extend coverage for safety reasons. And other states have unpaid time off laws for survivors or specifically for crime victims that can be used to attend and prepare for legal proceedings.

Second, survivors need access to income if they must leave their job. For many survivors, job loss is unavoidable. It may be because the person you are fleeing is showing up at your job and threatening you. It may be because you need to relocate to be closer to family or other support systems.

43 (and soon 44) states and territories have explicit language in their unemployment insurance laws that say survivors who must leave their jobs to be safe may be eligible for unemployment insurance benefits. Accessing these benefits gives survivors steady income while they look for new jobs, which is a huge support.

Third, survivors need flexibility in how they work, which can help them address the employment sabotage that happens in abusive relationships. Employment sabotage can be an abuser calling or texting incessantly during work hours, showing up at a survivor’s workplace, destroying workplace equipment, or finding other ways to sabotage their partner’s job.

In 11 states, there are survivor-specific “reasonable accommodation” laws that require covered employers to engage with their employees about specific things they need to stay safe. This is patterned after the reasonable accommodations process under the federal Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), but it is distinct. Survivor-specific accommodations can be things like security personnel walking the survivor to a car or changing a survivor’s shift or desk assignment to separate the survivor from the person causing them harm, or even scheduling flexibility.

Fourth, survivors need to be able to ask their employers for what they need and share what is happening to them without fear of being punished or discriminated against. Only nine states explicitly prohibit employment discrimination based on someone’s status as a survivor. This type of protection is crucial because if someone does not feel safe disclosing to an employer what they are experiencing, their ability to access the other employment protections available to them is severely limited.

Regardless of what state they’re in, what can employers do to help employees who have experienced domestic violence?

Nina: It is important to remember that laws establish the floor, but not the ceiling of what employers can do. The most important thing any employer can do is create a workplace culture where people can come forward without being punished or judged.

The first step to creating this type of culture is developing clear, written workplace policies that explicitly state the company’s commitment to supporting survivors, maintaining confidentiality, and protecting workers from discrimination and retaliation. When employees know that these policies are in place and are consistently enforced, it changes their calculus around disclosure.

Employers should also offer training on the dynamics of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. This training can combat misinformation about abuse. Employers can train staff, especially managers, on how violence harms workers and the workplace, so that when someone does come forward, the first response is compassionate and helpful rather than awkward or inadvertently harmful.

Workplaces Responds offers sample policies and training materials for employers who want to make sure their workplace support survivors.

Bella: State laws can provide great models that any employer can adapt to their own workplace. Even in states without survivor-specific employment laws, employers can proactively offer paid leave so survivors can address needs arising from abuse. Employers can provide survivor-specific reasonable accommodation and information about unemployment insurance when someone must leave their job. Most importantly, employers can commit to not discriminating against someone based on their survivor-status and clearly communicate that commitment to their employees.

Another important thing employers can do is build relationships with local victim service agencies so that when a survivor discloses abuse, staff know how to provide a referral to a trusted organization.

When you say that employers should offer training on the dynamics of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking, I think a lot of people’s first response to that might be to wonder if that’s overstepping for a workplace, unless it’s specific to how those things can intersect with work. Personally, just based on the letters I get about how often employers mishandle mental health topics, I would worry about employers getting it really wrong, or implementing it in a way that is harmful to people — unless it’s clearly limited to addressing the ways those issues can intersect with work, and keeping it tightly focused on what employers can/should do. So I’m curious about your thoughts on that!

This is such an important point! We never recommend employers try to develop or deliver this type of training on their own. They don’t have to. There are experts in almost every community ready to support survivors. Employers can build relationships with local domestic violence and sexual assault advocacy organizations, contact their state domestic violence or sexual assault coalitions to request a training, and work with national training providers (like us at Futures Without Violence).

An effective training should be developed in partnership with people who have specialized knowledge and expertise in supporting survivors. Our approach is to co-develop the training with the employer so that it is both comprehensive and tailored to the needs of a specific workplace. Regardless of the setting, the goal of the training should be to help employers, supervisors, and coworkers understand (1) how domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking show up at work (2) that this likely impacts people at their workplace through both employment sabotage and trauma responses and (3) there are ways to respond that support survivors (and, unfortunately, ways that would further harm them).

The first part of any training should be to dispel myths and stereotypes about why people may stay in abusive relationships and how power and control can cause harm, even if there isn’t physical violence. It can also go into what it means to be survivor-centered and how protecting a survivor’s autonomy means respecting their right to privacy while being supportive. The goal here isn’t to deputize employers to “diagnose” domestic violence but rather to dispel myths about why survivors stay, or why abuse happens.

The second part of a training should address how the experience of surviving violence can affect work performance. The goal here is to help decision-makers at work recognize that an employee who seems distracted, receives a barrage of personal calls at work, or whose performance has declined may be navigating the dynamics of abuse and need support and a connection to resources rather than a performance improvement plan.

Finally, the third part of the training should focus on how workplaces can create systems that support survivors and prevent violence from occurring. We often see employers only engage when something dangerous happens, like an abuser showing up at a worksite. When staff are learning about domestic violence and workplace safety issues for the first time in the middle of a crisis, long-term change can be harder to create. And we know violence tends to escalate over time. The warning signs are often visible long before a situation becomes a crisis. Therefore, training people to recognize warning signs early and to know how to respond compassionately and respectfully is a practical and effective approach.

Employers don’t need to be experts on domestic violence to create a safe and supportive workplace. There is a strong and vibrant community ready to support survivors, but often employers don’t tap into it. When they do, it sends a strong message to survivors in the workplace that they’re not alone.

I’ve sometimes had letters from people who were concerned a coworker was being abused at home, and it’s really hard for people to know what to do (particularly since it’s often hard for people much closer to the person to help, so a coworker really may not be well positioned to assist them). What options are available to colleagues (not necessarily employers) who want to help in that situation?

Nina: It can be really hard when you notice something might be going on with a coworker and are not sure how to help them. The data tell us that the single most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is often when the survivor is trying to leave, so encouraging someone to “just leave” without understanding their circumstances can cause real harm.

The instinct to help is a good one. The important thing to remember is that you do not have to know exactly what to do in every situation; just showing up with consistency and kindness without judgment can make an enormous difference.

Here are a few tips:

1. Recognize you can’t “fix” the situation, and trying to push too hard can backfire.
2. You do not have to name what you think is happening. A simple, private “I’ve noticed things seem hard lately. I just want you to know I’m here if you ever want to talk” can plant an important seed.
3. If the person does open up, listen without minimizing what they share and resist the urge to tell them what to do.
4. Keep what they share private and ask how you can support them.
5. Be ready with a resource or referral, like the National Domestic Violence Hotline number or for their local shelter. The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Survivors know best how to safely navigate their situations. They need to make their own decisions about safety and disclosure. Being kind, consistent, and non-judgmental makes it easier for someone to ask for help when they are ready.

Workplaces Respond help employers, supervisors, and coworkers create more survivor-friendly workplaces. Some of their resources:

Legal Momentum has short summaries of each state’s and territory’s employment laws that can help survivors. They also operate a national hotline service dedicated to helping survivors access their employment rights. Their number is 1-800-649-0297.

{ 41 comments }

{ 41 comments… read them below }

  1. MassMatt*

    It’s sad that domestic abuse is so widespread, it’s come up several times in letters here, but thanks for this important information.

    This came up at my partner’s workplace and they tightened security and made some formal policies along the lines of what were suggested here.

    1. Arrietty*

      Something like 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men experience domestic abuse, so if you have more than a handful of people working for your company, chances are one or more has experienced abuse. And if you widen it out to include people whose close family members have experienced abuse, it’s going to be a large minority or the majority who have.

      1. Strive to Excel*

        It’s so varied, too, which makes it harder. I have a family member who is legally tied to someone via their divorce paperwork. There is absolutely no way they will be able to get that paperwork undone until and unless the other party passes away, because they are of a group of people who are perceived as near-impossible to abuse and their abuser is of a group of people generally perceived as being incapable of abuse. The only shining grace is that my family member is very aware of the situation they are in and so can put in a lot of mitigating factors to keep it to only the financial, rather than the physical and emotional options.

      2. Diatryma*

        I think that’s one thing people don’t realize about having these resources– they’re not ‘build up a specialized skill set for the one time you need it’ tools, but ‘have these ready because you will need them multiple times’ tools. And if you don’t? If the outcome is that you know how to support your employees and coworkers throughout traumatic and stressful situations, and this particular one doesn’t happen? Good for everyone.

  2. smeep248*

    As a survivor and someone who managed an employee going through this, I applaud this well thought out article. Thank you so much.

  4. Bike Walk Bake Books*

    Thank you for this, Alison. Such a critical topic. My state agency’s HR sends all supervisors a topic of the month briefing with an overview of laws, requirements, and what supervisors can and should do. This was one of the topics recently. I share each of these with my whole team so they all have access to the information.

    The Trauma-Informed Supervision resource is specific to domestic and family violence as the source of trauma. I wonder if you might do a similar interview or resource round-up of some kind on the other kinds of trauma that show up at work and how to be a trauma-informed manager. I’m thinking of refugees fleeing violence in their country and people whose whole lives have been affected by racism and other sources of trauma in the US, for starters. I know this is a large topic and a column doesn’t replace training, coaching and practice, but it would be a valuable resource.

  5. Anon for this*

    I was “lucky” in that I had been seeing a therapist after I left an abusive relationship and with his documentation was able to qualify for short term disability for a period of time while I was processing what happened. Just to have that time where I didn’t have to sit in a work meeting after disclosing to my therapist earlier in the day that I thought my partner was going to kill me was life-saving.

    That said, I absolutely did not disclose why I took leave, only that it was for a medical reason. My employer later fired me for having cancer, which I did disclose, so I can say I made the right choice.

    It’s horrible and terrifying looking back and seeing how much my abuser interfered with my jobs, even if it wasn’t violent.

    1. Anon for this*

      I forgot to add this: Alison, I emailed you at the time to try to figure out how I could take leave without disclosing why to my employer and your response was so empathetic while also being logistically useful. I’m not understating it when I say it saved my life.

      1. Thin Mints didn't make me thin*

        I’m so glad you made it through that time — but then to have cancer, dang, that is some awful luck. Best of good fortune to you.

      2. Safety First Second and Third*

        This post is appearing concurrent to a series of YouTube shorts from a content creator called Dr. Ruth (no, not the OG), who is recreating in real time the steps she took several years ago over 7 months to safely leave an abusive relationship. We’re approaching April, when she finally got out. The previous 60 steps (since September) cite all she had to learn and do leading up to it. The threat to her work was sometimes an issue. So was making sure she was not leaving precipitously, which would have threatened her ability to stay out and stay safe. Search “Escape Plan” or “That Was Abuse” with her name.

        1. Aspiring Chicken Lady*

          It’s very good content — absolutely worth seeing if you’re at all interested in the day to day burdens and challenges of abusive relationships.

  6. jez chickena*

    Employers can really screw this up. The wife of a colleague came to a few of us to ask for help from her abusive VP husband at an after hours work event. To be clear, he was the employee, not her. We went to HR because we didn’t know what to do. After meeting with management, HR wrote us up for gossiping and spreading rumors.

    The wife died of cancer about 2 years later.

    1. Baygull*

      This is one of the reasons I’m not a fan of “no gossiping” rules that people like Dave Ramsey advocate for. They almost always work to protect people who are abusing their power.

  7. Madame Desmortes*

    Are there useful ways a survivor’s union might be able to help them?

    My local has a mutual-aid fund that of course a survivor would be welcome to use, but what else is there that we can do?

  8. Andrew*

    @Alison: first thing I thought of when I saw the post title was the one you put on Inc. earlier this month. Guessing that was one of the ones on your mind when you commented on letters about employers getting it seriously wrong?

    1. Andrew*

      Ugh, we need an edit button! On rereading the intro I see that one was called out and linked!

  9. ursula*

    Thank you for covering this topic – it’s very important and close to my heart.

    For any Canadian readers, there are a lot of similar supports to the Workplaces Respond National Resource Centre that we have here. Most of them are provincial, because employment law is provincially regulated, but most provinces will have a comparable resource. If google fails you, contact your province’s public legal education group (I’ll post a link to the list in a follow-up comment) and they will be able to point you in the right direction. I’ll also post a sample project I’m aware of from Atlantic Canada that offers resources, training, etc.

  10. Thin Mints didn't make me thin*

    Thank you, Alison, Bella, and Nina. I’m going to use the resources you provided to encourage my state legislators to prioritize improving our protections for survivors.

  11. AnonSurvivor*

    Wow, did my work do it right! Big 4 (then 5) company… I went to a partner, who was also my manager, and fully disclosed what was happening (after I landed in the hospital with 3 broken ribs).

    They were supportive of me taking a week off to hide in an unknown location and then gave his picture to the security of the whole building to make sure he didn’t show up unexpectedly. I’m sure there were other actions taken in the background that I wasn’t aware of, but overall, they supported me in my efforts to (successfully) leave.

  12. Bruise Campbell*

    I confided in my boss about my abuse, he steered me towards getting full time hours and a raise, and I was able to withdraw funds from my retirement due to DV and I was finally able to move out and afford to support myself and my son, being able to do that literally saved us.

  13. Lizy*

    My workplace is remote. How can a fully remote company promote a healthy and safe space for domestic violence?

    1. Tulp Bloem*

      I’m seeing a lot of content from a woman who uses “Healing by the Numbers”/That Was Abuse on Youtube. She worked from remotely from home while escaping abuse. Some practical things that helped her included being able to split her paycheck into multiple bank accounts and being able to work from her parents’ home.

      I think possibly allowing employees to use a work email account for some personal things or log into a personal email account on a work device could also be helpful. A manager or company may have the resources to be a reference for an apartment check or even help with an apartment deposit similar to how some companies have a downpayment assistance program.

      Following the guidance from a local Domestic Violence organization or one of the organizations linked would probably be best.

      1. Reluctant Mezzo*

        I was in a romance readers’ email group when someone disclosed to us. We sent money (you can fit a nice bill inside one of those double covers of a romance paperback) and a couple of people who lived in the area went to her and helped her pack and leave. So a group where the partner is totally not interested (can work for guys too) can allow someone who is stuck to call for help even from the house.

  14. Lani*

    I was lucky when reporting mine. My abuser was of the mainly verbal & financial kind (with increasing instances of lightly physical).

    One of the first things I was told was that my work believed me, and that I didn’t deserve that treatment.

    They helped me when I wanted to relocate, and even offered to keep urgently needed items for me at a neutral location if I needed to leave sooner than my planned exit.

    If I hadn’t had their unwavering support, and the knowledge that I’d still have a job if I moved for safety, I don’t know that I could’ve left when I did.

  15. Jaieh Ti*

    Thank you for posting this! Not only do I manage people, but I work in an organization where many of our clients are at high risk for DV. I’m going to send this around to all my staff to be aware of, not only for their own sake, but so that they can educate clients on their rights if it comes up.

  16. Anon for this*

    I’m a DV survivor who had to file charges against my husband, apply for a restraining order, and move to my parent’s house until everything was finalized. When I texted my boss that I needed to take a few days off to handle all of that, her first response was asking if I was safe and approving as much time off as I needed. I’m so grateful that I work somewhere that has clearly indicated their value for employees, so I felt safe being honest about what I was experiencing, and what I needed from them.

  17. MtheR*

    Thank you for posting this.

    I work for a university where all employees are “responsible employees,” and the university interprets Title IX to mean that all responsible employees must report *any* report of abuse, including abuse that occurred off-campus and was not at the hands of a university affiliate. (I took the training a couple of years ago, and I hope I’m misremembering–but I did push for clarification at the time, and recall this being their explicit answer.) That would mean that I wouldn’t just have to report if a student told me they were abused by an employee or fellow student; I would have to report if a colleague told me they were being abused at home.

    I hate this policy. I’m not a Title IX expert, and it’s possible that it is a widespread understanding of the law, but I hate it. I think it undermines survivors’ autonomy, far exceeds the jurisdiction of the university, and makes good-faith reporting paradoxically harder. Universities have a responsibility to their students to ensure safety on their own campus and in their own programs; they have absolutely no right to the private lives of their adult employees.

    Luckily, the situation has never come up in the actual day-to-day of my job. Do you have any resources or tips on how to navigate the situation with as much care for survivors as possible, if it does?

    1. I'm great at doing stuff*

      I also work for a university and know I have to report anything student related, but it’s possible I am not remembering correctly.

      I guess it matters what “reporting” a domestic abuse scenario means. If it means they would provide supports like this post mentions, that is a good thing. But if it could somehow get back to the abuser at home, obviously not. Do you know anything about the reporting structure and process?

      1. MtheR*

        I know who I would report to, and I know that it would involve them contacting the complainant and proceeding from there. In the case of a non-university affiliate, I wouldn’t think it would get back to the abuser.

        But beyond that, support is great, but the number one way to support a survivor is to respect their autonomy–and compelled reporting does not do that. Even if every other step of the process was done perfectly, I can’t imagine that a person whose abuse was reported against their will would feel supported or safe in that process.

    2. Baygull*

      I really disliked being a mandatory reporter in my university job. I felt I didn’t receive adequate training on what sorts of things I should be reporting. I also read the law and found out that I could be penalized both for failing to file a report, *and* for filing a false report, so I felt really trapped in the middle.

      1. Reluctant Mezzo*

        It’s rough. My husband was a mandatory reporter and called a case with my daughter’s friend (some physical, none sexual *at that time*) and the person taking the call said they knew about the situation (but was doing nothing about it). The girl lucked out–her older brother got a job and an apartment and rescued her. But I told my husband that our couch was always open, even if he was told he really shouldn’t do it by the school district.

  18. anon for this*

    I went to work the day after my (then) husband assaulted me – I was in shock, and I told my manager what happened, she looked at me like I was garbage – so I just kept working.
    I wish I hadn’t said anything, I am still so ashamed I disclosed to her.
    Hopefully this information will help a good manager know what to do.

    1. Harriet Vane*

      You have nothing to be ashamed of. The manager should be deeply ashamed.

      I’m glad you eventually got out.

  20. Crencestre*

    The “line staff” can make a difference on the job as well! Domestic violence isn’t limited to “ordinary” people as we all know – look at the number of celebrities who’ve been charged (and sometimes convicted and imprisoned) for abusing a partner or spouse. Those cases hit the headlines and become topics of break-room or water-cooler chats – and that’s where we can all come in.

    One of the most potent weapons that abusers have is public indifference or even approval: “She asked for it!” “She deserved it!” “If she hadn’t done _________ then he wouldn’t have punched her!” If we hear our coworkers talking like that, we need to speak up. Remember that saying “Silence gives assent”. When people make survivor-blaming comments and never hear a word of pushback then domestic violence is normalized. Please people – we’re not Tik Tok trolls! Let’s not roll over and allow everyone within earshot to think that we stand with abusers by default.

  21. surviving*

    Has anyone had the security talk with a new employer? I’m a few months no contact with an abusive relative, so far has not tried to see me in person (has tried email/mail but we live apart). I’m relocating soon and if I’m within a few hours of them, wondering if I should ask or say something at the onboarding stage.

  22. Anonny-nonny-non*

    The thing about possibly qualifying for unemployment if you have to flee a job is great. When I had to run away and abandon my job, I ended up cashing out my 401k (with all of the nonsense that went with it) to live on while I hid long enough to be safe.

  23. Throwaway Account*

    Just wanted to say that I really appreciate columns like this!

    I worked in domestic violence during and after college and it is so pervasive and yet hidden. Columns like this really help!

  24. Roguestella*

    Just wanted to say thank you very much for naming this issue and providing expert advice on it. From the statistics, I think it’s far more widespread than many of us think.

Comments are closed.