managing ADHD at work when you can’t use medication

by Alison Green on April 2, 2026

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes:

I am looking for advice on managing ADHD at work, but the caveat is that I’m still nursing a baby, so most medication is off the table and when I do stop (hopefully soon – he’s over a year old and I’m actively working on weaning), I know it may take me months to find something that works. So I am really looking for non-medication strategies in the meantime.

I recently got diagnosed with ADHD (in my late thirties) after having my second child and going off the executive functioning cliff deep end (thanks, hormones!). I’ve always had symptoms and have nearly always managed okay enough, but after coming back to work post-baby I would just spend hours in front of the computer and get absolutely nothing done. Cue the diagnosis. It’s been an eye-opener and such a relief, and I’m working through years of internalized shame, obsession with perfectionism, and anxiety.

I did initially get on some rapid-release Adderall, taken just for work as needed (the only thing I can take while still nursing, since it gets out of my system fast enough between feedings). It was an absolute miracle at first, lifting my mood and getting me to concentrate seamlessly. And then a couple of months ago, it just stopped working, and if anything made things worse. So now here I am typing this out at noon, on double my original dose, having not even opened my work the whole morning. I’ve tried blocking websites, but then I find workarounds. Trello used to work, and just doesn’t. I’ve given up on zero-inbox. I find myself either deep-diving into the task and hyper-focused for hours (sometimes the right task, and sometimes not), missing appointments and calls, or jumping from one irrelevant thing to another like some squirrel on steroids. My kids and I have lots of medical appointments, and missing them is a big deal and not something I’ve ever done before in my life, so I’m absolutely reeling from missing three (out of about 10) in the past two weeks. And I know I’m coming off as kind of manic during phone calls and emails. (My contact recently called an email to a colleague “unnecessarily dramatic”… and it was! I’m a very high-functioning professional at a world-class organization. What am I doing?!)

My work situation doesn’t help. I’m a contractor, working from home half-time, with most of my contacts six hours ahead of me in Europe. I love, love, love my field and my job; it’s truly meaningful, full of passionate and incredible people, prestigious, and pays well enough. I need the flexible, limited hours to manage my health. However, I am working solo the vast majority of the time and I am the one in charge of driving the timeline for the project and getting other people to get things to me, and … so when I drop the ball, there is no one to prod me on it until something falls behind spectacularly. I’m currently primarily working on a non-urgent, least-liked task (writing an academic paper), and I’ve gotten maybe 10 hours of work done in the past two weeks total, when I should be averaging about 20 per week. If I damage my reputation with this organization – through dramatic emails, late work, poor quality, or otherwise being difficult – I will never get another contract with them and I’m unlikely to get another opportunity even close to this good. Our field has been decimated by the recent Trump funding cuts, and jobs are scarce and competition is unbelievably intense. I’m worried it’s already happening, as I wasn’t invited to join another project that I really would’ve been a natural fit for, and I think the contracts will stop coming once my current multi-year project comes to an end sometime this year.

The readers have always been so kind and full of information and strategies, so I’m really hoping someone has been in my shoes and people can recommend things to try, so I can throw them all at the wall and see what sticks. I actually would also love to hear about experiences with medications, especially on what worked if rapid-release Adderall stopped helping.

Readers with firsthand experience, what’s your advice?

{ 443 comments }

{ 443 comments… read them below }

  1. ADHD Academic*

    I just want to say that I would love to give you advice, but I’m basically in the same boat. The stakes aren’t as high, but I’ve definitely missed a promotion at least once due to being unable to motivate myself on my least-liked task (grading, blech). For me, my ADHD became so much worse when my hormones went haywire, and I was on hormone replacement for a while (pre-IVF pregnancy) and that helped tremendously. But now that I *am* pregnant, there seems like so little I can do. I sometimes balance caffeine (moderate amounts) and migraines (because caffeine gives me migraines, go figure), but that’s all that’s remotely helping at this point. I wish you the best!

    1. Ivkra*

      Seconding the caffeine. If you’re not too worried about temporary diet issues with nursing, sugar-as-reward sometimes helps; I had to stop that before I managed to get on medication, but initially keeping a bag of jellybeans in my desk to celebrate steps-of-steps on tasks helped.

      If you’re working with a therapist, they may also have recommendations for strategies – I have found structured breaks for exercise (or structured breaks for timed activities) can help me avoid other distractions by providing mini-distractions that are less consuming.

      1. Parakeet*

        Thirding caffeine. As seems to be common for ADHD folks, it reduces my symptoms – especially the inattentiveness and focus ones – and has no effect on my sleepiness or lack thereof. It works roughly as well as a med for me.

        I am also a fan of daily work checklists with tasks broken into defined, bite-sized pieces (e.g. “draft at least two paragraphs of llama nail clipping guide,” “create at least three slides for ruminant care conference presentation,” “answer questions 1 and 2 on TPS report”) that are structured so that I make adequate progress on the things I need to. My work is a mix of steady and pop-up, so the tasks do have to get moved around sometimes, but having the list and ballpark-realistic assessments of how much to include for each day is really helpful for me. It also provides natural break points (“I drafted the two paragraphs so now I am going to go for a quick walk/do some sets of crunches/refill my water bottle/get a snack/[whatever]”).

        1. OP*

          That’s really helpful, thank you!

          My only worry is that because I work from home, my tea break often turns into “let me unload and reload the dishwasher while I wait for the hot water… oh, there are some dishes still on the dining room table, let me get those… now I have to sweep up this mess… oh, this kid shirt needs to be pretreated… oh, the laundry has piled up!”. Any tips for managing that spiral?

          1. hihihi*

            Could you try setting an alarm on your phone that will make a noise after a certain amount of time? Like, 5-10 min for a break, then the alarm goes off and you’re not allowed to turn it off until you’re back at your desk? (A benefit of working from home is that you can make noise!)

            1. Anna*

              I personally find alarms helpful, but only if they’re NOT on my phone or the computer I’m working on. It’s too easy for me to absently turn them off by reflex without even consciously realizing it. The alarm has to be on a device that is across the room from me so that I have to physically stand up and walk over to it to turn it off. When I do use my phone for stuff like this, I put it across the room from me.

              1. littlehope*

                Yeah, if it’s for something that really needs to happen now, I use an old-fashioned actual alarm clock that I have to stand up and go physically turn off. It’s not completely foolproof, nothing is, I’m perfectly capable of forgetting what I’m supposed to be doing while in the process of doing it, but having to stop what I’m doing and physically move does help.

          2. Kirakaoru*

            Pomodoro – you only have x amount of break in between focus times and having to be back before the timer or at least the mental ‘I am allowed five minutes and in that five minutes I can get a coffee’ works for some people.

            Alternately, get a thermos, so you have your coffee/hot tea/caffeinated beverage of choice there and generally around the desirable temperature for 3-4 hours and don’t have to actually go make the tea every single time. Same works for food – have pre-prepped lunches or snacks at or near your desk, so you aren’t removing yourself from the work environment, seeing all these other things and then spiraling out from those to something else etc because you just don’t get that far. It’s not so much being disciplined as reducing the opportunity to be triggered into a spiral.

            1. smeep248*

              this helps me, even working from home, because I will also forget to eat or drink (…or pee…)

            2. morethantired*

              Pomodoro! Yes! This was a game changer for me. Also, focus music. Then, set ONE anchor task. Not “write this entire document.”
              Shrink it.
              Open the doc.
              Write one sentence.

              And before you work, open up a note or grab a piece of paper and dump out all the thoughts rattling around in your brain. Think about this like closing all the open tabs on your browser. Write at the top: “things I don’t have to think about while working” It helps

              I can’t afford an ADHD coach so I use AI as an ADHD coach. One hour a week. It helps so much. I see a real therapist for my mental health but having the one hour sessions focused just on ADHD with the “coach” has been helpful to build new systems for myself and avoid falling back into the ADHD burnout cycle.

              1. Reluctant Mezzo*

                If you can do them quickly, morning pages can help (though I type or dictate them because I have arthritis in that wrist). Or even Morning Page. Take what Julia Cameron says and adapt it for you.

            3. Lilian Field*

              This is a really good suggestion. I only want to add that, at one point when I was recovering from a serious illness, I had to shorten the intervals to 15 minutes in order to get much out of this strategy. I think I did 15 minutes on, 15 minutes off. But it worked.

          3. list obsessed*

            I’ve found that alongside the usual advice of “make a reasonable to-do list”, I have a few lists that are just everything that comes into my mind. For me the spiral can sometimes happen because I know as soon as I leave the room I’ll forget about the dishes so I feel like I have to do it now. Having lists everywhere that I don’t limit to reasonableness helps me quell the urgency without getting distracted. I buy those little pocket notebooks and have them all over the house/bags/pockets for jotting things down. My fridge has lists for dinner ideas, cleaning tasks, grocery list, general household needs, garden ideas, future craft projects, etc. Pencils in as many locations as possible. The master lists are huge and have some silly tasks that I’m truly never going to do but who knows! Maybe one day I’ll be inspired! I’ll then use those lists like how Parakeet described to create a work plan. But the big lists are more about outsourcing my brain so I don’t jump at every single idea or distraction or whatever. Now sometimes trouble comes when the thing I get distracted by is organizing the lists….that’s how you know you’re in deep and need a cup of coffee lol.

            1. SimonTheGreyWarden*

              This is me. I keep a pile of different colored post it notes at my desk computer. Something comes into my head that I need to do, i write it down on whichever color I’m putting that category on (for example, financial goes on green, household stuff goes on pink, paperwork goes on blue, etc). I put them on my phone calendar if needed later, but the act of seeing them written down helps.

          4. Good luck fellow ADHD bud*

            My rule for the spiral is an Alison rule – if it takes 2min or less, ok. I also boil the kettle and use the time the kettle is boiling for a mini tidy-up. I sometimes boil the kettle a few times more.

            As someone with ADHD and a mood disorder who can’t take ADHD meds, I recommend simple to do with clear daily priorities (e.g. medical appts), putting all commitments in my phone calendar, and Pomodoros. My partner has ADHD and is doing their PhD – they like phone safes for not being able to get around the block, but that may be complicated by your work/family commitments. We also practise a lot of online and in-person body doubling and given your isolation, finding another professional who needs a coworker to help them focus might help with both the work and the isolation.

            My mood disorder prompts me to check in about the mention of mania/over-dramatics and to encourage you to chat to a pro if you’re in any way worried about that aspect or about overwhelm to the point of distress.

          5. tinyhipsterguy*

            When I’ve run out of medication, I’ve had some success with energy drinks more than just coffee or tea. I know they might not always taste great (the flavored Red Bulls have been my favorite so far at least!), but they might be able to help if they won’t mess up nursing. I find it easier to just snag a can and return to working than having to go through the process of making tea/coffee.

          6. Lilian Field*

            I usually have more luck if I can really quarantine myself away from distraction.
            I’m guessing that if you could rent an office and work from there temporarily, you would already be doing it, so I’ll skip that suggestion. But what if you were able to make a tea station or a break station in the office, or close enough to it? For instance, in my apartment, I use the primary bedroom as a large office that contains everything I need to work, and I have a jar of ok instant coffee (Mt Hagen, the only stuff I think is really drinkable) that lives in the office in case I need caffeine but don’t want to go downstairs. The bathroom is right across the hall. I have a stationary bike there in case I want to pedal aimlessly while I think.

            I’ve also been known to deliberately stare at my shoes as I walk through distracting environments in order to avoid getting caught up in a side task when I need to be making a quick trip.

            Long story short, I wonder if there are any things that you could be doing to create a distraction-free environment, or at least a distraction-free circuit, even within your home.

          7. Girl Alex PR*

            This sounds ridiculous, but when I need to do a task and am worried about becoming distracted, I record myself on my phone saying “You’re unloading the dishwasher (ow whatever the task is). You are ONLY unloading the dishwasher.” And then sit the phone down and play at an audible level until I am done.

    2. OP*

      Solidarity. The pregnancy really limits your options so much, even worse than nursing. One of the kids just bust in to give me a hug, so it’s absolutely worth it, but wow it’s tough.

      I definitely caffeinate religiously, but unfortunately it messes up my sleep royally if it’s after 2pm or so, even more moderate teas. Make sure you hydrate a lot, that really helps some people with the caffeine headaches.

      1. AVP*

        Not to add another thing to your routine, but when I missed up my sleep schedule in this same pursuit of trying to fix adhd, my doc suggested magnesium.

        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          and mine suggested specifically magnesium glycinate, which I guess is better absorbed by the body?

          1. Pepe Silvia*

            I would suggest talking to your doctor first, I’ve taken mag glycinate for sleep previously but wasn’t breastfeeding and don’t know how quickly it’s metabolized/if it could present issues with feeding. I would steer away from magnesium citrate though because it can have laxative effects!

          2. Reluctant Mezzo*

            Yes! I use 400 mg at night, and it helps me so much, though the ‘bap over the head and sleep’ only lasted a few months, darn it. I still go to sleep better with it.

    3. Pineapple Colada*

      I’m replying on this comment because I want to make sure the OP sees it, and you as well!

      I’m not a shill but I’m going to sound like one. But the OP did ask for specific non-medication advice. For me, BODY DOUBLING softwares have made the biggest difference. Flow Club is the one I use, and I love it!

      Basically, you pay for a monthly membership and then they have a schedule full of virtual meetings, where you can work cameras-on (but they are amenable to cameras off) with a bunch of strangers. Sounds crazy, but it works for me!

      At the beginning of the session, everyone checks in verbally to share what their goal is for the session. (They cap attendance to a manageable amount of about 5-9 people depending on length of session). Then at the end, you share how you did! Everyone is super compassionate and authentic, so most of the time I’m able to share “I got it done! Woohoo!” But if not, I feel totally comfortable sharing “I got distracted by social media, where did the last half hour go?!” There are 30-minute, 1 hr, 2 hr, and 3 hr sessions, which varying levels of check-ins.

      They also have chat-only meetings if you are in-office or somewhere else you can’t talk!

      I truly love this software so much. It’s crazy how much a bit of mild accountability helps my brain, and the camaraderie is great as someone who is WFH.

      Okay, commercial over lol! Seriously though, go check it out. I think they have a free trial, and they offer discounts if you host a certain number of sessions.

      1. Acronyms Are Life (AAL)*

        I’ve never really thought about doing it with an online program, but I’ve recently realized what I was doing was body doubling. When I was getting my degree while doing my normal 9-5, I would spend Saturdays in the local library quiet study room (my library had like 15 desks with the side walls/partions (idk what this style is called) in a closed room) and would do school work there, even though I lived alone. There’s just something about being in another space and around other people who were working that you don’t know that makes it easier to focus.

      2. Typity*

        Not OP, but I like the sound of that.

        I’ve tried body-doubling videos, but I don’t think it feels the same as live, and most have music and/or breaks that I don’t want. I’ll def look into Flow. Thx!

      3. Ana*

        Or find a friend who’s willing to body double. I’m in online grad school and a classmate emailed and asked if I’d be willing to body double. She described it just like the Flow Club Pineapple Colada described, but it’s free.

        1. Pineapple Colada*

          I considered working with a friend as well, but I like the format of Flow Club as well as the “on-demand” aspect. Since it’s global, I can hop in any time of day or night and find a group to work with. :)

          Similar to someone choosing whether to have an informal workout buddy, or join a gym with lots of exercise classes. To each their own!

      4. Susan*

        We occasionally have work sessions like this with colleagues around the state where everyone works on their own thing, but we keep each other going. It works really well. I didn’t know about Flow Club, but I am now going to look into it. Thanks.

      5. Rincewind*

        A lot of writing folks do “sprints” where you set a timer and try to write as much as you can in the time, and then compare word counts at the end. I’ve seen people use it for schoolwork, and I’ve personally used it for presentations and speeches. Some of the NaNoWriMo/formerly NaNoWriMo Discord groups have bots that do sprints. It is surprisingly useful to know other people are working alongside you, even digitally.

        1. Reluctant Mezzo*

          I did sprints online with a group for NaNoWriMo before they went to AI. Now I do a Fake NaNo in er, September (November’s been a hard month for me because I am busy in politics and um elections and then Thanksgiving).

      6. Arrietty*

        I’ve used a very similar platform called Intend.do, which also includes a project management/goal tracking element (and if you use the Workflowy integration it’s even more powerful).

      7. Berliegirl*

        I also use Flow.club! I have a regular session I do with basically the same group of people every day. Been using it for 3 years.

      8. lapidary*

        Interesting! I do this with coffee shops and other “third spaces” and I label it to myself as “positive Foucault’s Panopticon”–I had never heard of body doubling as a phrase or concept. I tell myself that people will be able to tell if I’m not working, but I really like the idea that you set a goal and have accountability partners. I’ll look into it!

      9. ADHDmanager*

        Omg, I literally signed up within an hour of reading this comment, joined an 8-11pm session tonight, am almost 1 hour in, and… it hasn’t made me more efficient, but I definitely feel obligated to see my session through and stay awake!! ADHD + being a parent of young kids mean my historical work strategies during times of overwhelm no longer work. Trying harder wasn’t working. I’m hoping this is the different strategy that will finally help!

      11. Amaryllis*

        I believe there are also Youtube videos for body doubling if you want to try it out. It’s just a pre-recorded posts of someone studying, working or cleaning (or whatever), but it might be a good way to see if it works for you

      12. orchivist*

        Divergent Design Studios is amazing, includes body-doubling/co-working time, and also peer support, by and for neurodivergent folks. my partner swears by them.

    4. Liv*

      Ugh Pregnancy hormones made my ADHD 10000x worse. I think I had to replace my credit card 4 times because I kept losing it. I was crying every other day because I drove into work and forgot my laptop at home and had to go back and get it. It was so so so frustrating.

    5. AVP*

      Are you guys me?? I’m in a very similar boat — diagnosed later in life, basically a contractor, and off my meds for a bit because my doctor and pharmacy cannot seem to communicate in the same language (I swear they are chatGPTing their emails and missing major facts but I can’t fix that except to get a new doctor, which means a med mgmt lag!)

      Things that have helped: caffeine, doing a lot of meetings and events (they make you look busy and engaged and since they’re scheduled you just…have to go to them), snacks, and most importantly, focusing on the most important or urgent tasks and letting the urgency kickstart my exec functioning.

      I’m not getting the extra-credit stuff done, or tasks for next week done early, but I am trying to be accepting of myself for this time period and know I will go back to being a star in a month or so. Right now this is about ABCs and getting through it.

      Things that help but feel impossible so I don’t do them: trying to have a regular sleep/exercise schedule (hahahahah with a small child? it’s not happening for me but it helps if you can swing it.)

      There might be some supplements you can take that help a bit and are allowed. My doc had prescribed Clonidine (sp?) as a substitute for when I couldn’t find my usual Adderall, and my mother swears by a combo of fish oil and something else.

      1. AVP*

        And for when breastfeeding is over…I was on Adderall XR for years, and my insurance just randomly stopped paying for it, so I had to switch to generic and it also just didn’t work the way the old meds had. I actually upped my dosage from 10 to 15mg and now it works really well again. So maybe consider trying different formulations / brands / dosages of whatever is allowed? A good doctor should work through that with you closely to find something that works better.

      2. Mary*

        If your brain simply will not focus then stop pushing for a bit and move your body. Ideally away from where you work but even knee bends or stretching can help me unclench for want of a better way to put it. Similarly schedule no executive function times when you are not working. E. g. Saturday afternoon is time with small human(s) and that’s it. Don’t clean, don’t think about work, don’t plan, don’t organize. Executive function is like a muscle and needs rest to rebuild. Lastly, this is temporary, though it is hard to feel that when it will last a while. Anything you can slack off on, then (don’t) do it. Your and your family’s health is most important but your job makes that possible. So you work, you go to the doctor, you keep you and yours alive, and anything you can skip you just drop on the metaphorical floor.

    6. ADHD is a Witch*

      L-theanine balances some of the negative caffeine effects. Might not work on migraines; does work on my anxiety, thankfully. I have an overpriced supplement (I won’t say which one, because I think it’s stupidly overpriced; I’ve just never done the research to find a different one) that contains both, and I live on it.

      1. Presea*

        I just buy cheap caffiene pills and generic l-theanine. This is not a good idea if you’re the type who might abuse the caffiene tho

  2. Assistant*

    I was diagnosed forever ago and similarly don’t take medication. I’ve had good luck with OHIO: Only handle it once.

    Good luck!

    1. EMU*

      THIS. I have medically-managed ADHD and still sometimes suffer from executive dysfunction. I’ve had to really force myself to live by the OHIO method. AND forcing myself to handle a task immediately, because I know that it’s literally now or never.

    2. ReallyBadPerson*

      This has worked for me all of my adult life. And if any task requires further work, I set an alarm. Alarms are my emotional support technology.

      1. Terrie*

        I live and die by my calendar. I go as far as scheduling things like “Grocery shopping” or “Return book to library.” I’ve trained myself that it’s on there, it’s a must. The downside being when something on there is actually optional and I have to cancel, because I get the feeling that I’m failing by not doing the optional thing.

  3. Trivia*

    Obvious question, but have you exhausted all options with your doctor? Afaik methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta) is safe for nursing in certain doses.

    Other than that, experiment with as many systems as you can. If trello doesn’t work, how about phone reminders? A paper planner? Post it notes? Having a physical trello/kanban board in your workspace? I find I work better with physical/written reminders or organising systems rather than electronic ones, I find the latter too easy to ignore.

    And mindullness. I know if you’re spiralling having a 10 minute guided meditation feels like a waste of time you don’t have, but it might help to center you. Or regular breaks to stretch. Whatever works!

    1. BC*

      On experimenting with multiple organization/reminder systems, you might also find you need to switch back and forth between multiple. A paper to-do list will work really well for me for a while…and then my brain suddenly decides it doesn’t want to use that anymore. So I switch to something electronic and the cycle repeats.

      It’s incredibly frustrating that routine is simultaneously so helpful for coping with my ADHD and something my novelty-seeking ADHD brain rebels against. Having multiple different routines that I pick up, abandon, and pick up again later doesn’t always work, but it’s the best solution I’ve found.

      1. pennyforum*

        Seconding the experimentation bit.
        I’m AuDHD (or neurospicy as one of my friends calls it)
        Try, fail, fail better feels more constant than I’d like.

        Practically, some things I’m currently finding useful
        1) a physical paper list (the restriction of keeping it to only as much as can fit in one spread is helpful to know when I need to hand off stuff)
        2) three things is victory (picking three things from the list and saying if I get nothing else done today these three are a victory)

        I tried kanban, but it ended up a mess of post-its all over my desk

        I will also say that my work is less likely to have longer term projects, and my personal organisation is less than ideal some times.

        Jessica McCabe, how to ADHD, has a youtube channel and a book. I don’t find all her tips relevent but they can spark other ideas for what does work for me.

        1. Nobby Nobbs*

          Three things is victory is a lifesaver. At school I thought of it as “anything is better than a zero” because, mathematically, it is!

          1. Nobby Nobbs*

            Oh, and I’ve had success with “just open a document” as well. Task initiation is so hard, and large jobs loom so large, but you can sometimes trick your brain by telling yourself that the only thing you need to do is take the first, most minuscule step and then you can go back to screwing around. A decent portion of the time once I’ve taken that tiny step I find that the task has been initiated, the ball is rolling, and I can get a decent chunk of work done.

            1. ashie*

              Same here – once I’ve started a task it’s so much easier to get going, the blank document is a huge roadblock. I’ve found ChatGPT is really helpful here. I don’t care about making the prompt sound right, I just type in (badly) what I want it to spit out, maybe including a key phrase, and then copy the output into my document and edit that.

            2. JustaTech*

              And for everyone who has Blank Page paralysis:
              I’ll paste in something. Anything.
              Maybe it’s the template for the technical paper I’m supposed to be writing (thank goodness for templates), or the email or meeting minutes of whatever I’m supposed to be responding to.
              It’s better if it’s relevant to what I’m supposed to be writing, but even if it’s very tangential, it’s better than just a blank page.

              1. TobiShiro*

                I do this for schoolwork–the blank page makes my mind go blank. But I find if I copy/paste the assignment instructions/the post I’m supposed to reply to/etc. it saves me from paralysis AND keeps me on task because I am not looking up the instructions every 10 minutes going “is this right? Is this what they wanted me to do? Am I responding to the right thing?”

                Naturally, as with everything, YMMV.

            3. Anonymous Penguin*

              Yes! Sometimes I will break my to-do list down into the teeniest-tiniest steps.
              *Wake up
              *Get out of bed
              *Brush teeth
              *Put on a clean shirt
              *Put on clean pants
              …
              Being able to cross anything off the list will give you some dopamine, and make it easier to build momentum. I also try to schedule things that require the most brain for morning, when I have more concentration, and mindless stuff for the afternoon when I can pop on a podcast or music as a reward to listen while I do stuff.

              Also the three sentences/three minutes trick. Once you have written those three sentences or done that three minutes of stuff, you often find it easier to keep going. Conversely, if your brain is refusing to cooperate you haven’t wasted lots of time or effort that you will have to rollback later.

            4. OP*

              That’s so insane… I had no idea that was an ADHD thing as well. The opening of stuff being hard and a good jolt and the blank page paralysis are both so familiar.

              1. I Have RBF*

                I had an ADD diagnosis in childhood. I wasn’t medicated, and I wasn’t told until my late 30s. My parents didn’t want to medicate, since I was a “girl”, etc. They thought it would just “go away” as I got older. It doesn’t, you just fail at odd things that other people find easy until you find workarounds.

                I had issues starting stuff all my life. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to – I couldn’t. But give me a started framework, even if it was grossly wrong, and I could work with that.

                In scripting, I have templates that I start from, even if I wipe out most of it. It still gives me a structure to work with.

                In writing, I will start with a quote, a snippet, a half-baked outline, or even a blank page with a “lorem ipsum” paragraph. Usually just opening a new document, putting the name/title on it, and saving it will break the logjam, or at least set it up for later. A mental “I don’t have to write it now, I just need to get it set up for writing.” takes it out of the “daunting task I must complete” territory and into “this is just preparation stuff.” Also, if I hit a flow state, I don’t spell correct or edit, I just dump words and fix them later.

                Doing chores around the house is harder – I don’t know where to start, and it’s all too much for one session. I’ve tried the “15 minute method”, where you just spend 15 minutes on one thing, and then see if you are up to another 15 minutes, or go do a different 15 minutes.

                I still use lists for non-standard projects/task sets. I have mental checklists for certain daily routines. Example “Going to X”:
                1. Get outside clothes on
                2. Put on shoes
                3. Put on outside glasses
                4. Put keys on belt
                5. Check wallet
                6. Check cell phone
                7. Put on hat
                8. Final bathroom call
                9. Grab mask
                10. Grab cane
                11. Grab list or paperwork
                12. Go out door
                13. Get in car
                14. Start car, check gauges
                15. Decide route
                16. Drive to X

                If I’m on a schedule, step 15 is done the day before, and the time factored in. Also, if I don’t deliberately plan to be early, I’m am always late.

                Another issue I have is “out of sight, out of mind”. I put things that I regularly need in specific, consistent places. People rearranging my kitchen drives me bananas, because I now have to search for things that were in the same place for years. The boxes I use to store things like fabric are all translucent, so I can see their contents, plus I label them if they are specific fabrics – like brocades, flannel, denim and twill, etc.

                I really should get a current Dx and medication, but I can’t get started untangling that. I can help others with their paperwork, but I have difficulty doing my own.

                Tl;DR: Me too.

                1. AVP*

                  I don’t know if this suggestion is welcome or not, feel free to ignore! But I recently had to fire my meds mgmt team. i had stuck with them for way longer than I should have because I was dreading how hard it would be to find a new one. A friend said she used Headway to find hers so I tried that and it was so, so easy to replace my doctor with a better fit. It has gotten a lot easier in recent years to untangle the dx and intake stuff, if you feel moved to try it again!

              2. Chirpy*

                When I’m writing, if I have to pause in the middle, I try to leave my last sentence unfinished. It often makes it easier to pick up again later.

            5. Trivia*

              Yes, that helps loads! I was procrastinating so much writing documentation, and then I started saying everday “Just open it. First step”. And once I did open it, I found it easier to work on it too.

          2. Acronyms Are Life (AAL)*

            One of my favorite quotes I’ve seen along the same lines is ‘half ass is better than no ass’. I like to remind myself of that when I feel like I have to many things going on and I just end up sitting at my computer staring at it because I’ve mentally fried myself.

          3. Former academic*

            I had a sign on my office wall: “Done is the only virtue” Because if it’s not DONE, it doesn’t matter if it’s perfect or not. First done. Then improve, if time allows.

          4. Lilian Field*

            It’s a great rule.
            I have another couple rules that help me triage sometimes:
            1) I use the basic principle from the book The One Thing: when I am overwhelmed, I think, what one thing, if I could take care of it, would enable me either to cross lots of other things off my list or to make them much easier? I try to navigate through my life by doing these things, one after another.
            2) When I am overwhelmed by tasks, I stop trying to check tasks off my list and start instead trying to maintain or care for key relationships. If a task isn’t important in a key relationship (personal or professional), it doesn’t happen. I make a list of all the people I’m accountable to, whether because I report to them as a provider, they report to me as an employee, or whatever, and then I do what I need to do to tend to those relationships.
            3) I make sure to get exercise.

      2. Another One*

        I change systems all the time. Something will work for 6 months to a year and suddenly not work, than I will spend a few months trying to figure out what is wrong.

        Accepting I just need to change my organization system when I need to change it helps me a lot. (As does accepting, this is how I’m made and I can still do my work, I just have to work with my brain.)

        1. Take Thyme to Smell the Flowers*

          I have a list posted with Time, Space, Quantity, Category, Task. For me this is mainly about helping my brain rotate to handle clutter, but some of these could extrapolate to work management. When my brain can’t cope with finishing an entire task, I switch to handling a chosen quantity (If 10, or 3, or whatever, is too many, I remind myself I can count to 1). If that doesn’t work I switch to a certain number of minutes. When my brain puts on the brakes I go to handling the items in a given space; if that space is too overwhelming, I make it smaller (or even larger, anything to change it up). My category might be gathering all the books, a work category might be searching for all the emails regarding a particular topic or referencing a particular client.
          I love “To Don’t” lists, too. Not only “Shouldn’ts”, but more importantly, “Don’t Have To’s” for any given day, and I love fattening that list.
          If there is someone who could advise you about things like flower essences during nursing, don’t rule them out. I am also not a candidate for medication, and just 2 drops of Chestnut Bud under my tongue makes a huge difference in my focus and motivation. (And I don’t even care if it is placebo; as long as it’s not harmful and I experience a benefit, working is better than not working.) These are individual, and there are several others that list ADD benefits which might work better for you– if you find it is compatible with nursing. If it helps, it offers a potential percentage of improvement until you can calibrate your medications.

      3. MendraMarie*

        Yes, absolutely, with the switching back and forth. I usually get 1-3 months out of an organisation / task tracking system before I just…..stop updating it.

        Systems that have worked for me:
        – paper list
        – digital list (Word or Notepad++)
        – physical calendar/diary (like a week-at-a-glance one, to note down deadlines or target tasks for each day)
        – Excel (particularly for breaking down the steps of a bigger project)
        – OneNote (I’m actually up to about a year of my OneNote to-do list but I can sense it starting to fade)
        – Trello
        – Workflowy

        Also I write *everything* down, in the moment whenever possible. Normalise saying “I’m going to write that down”, even if it means slowing down a meeting or an appointment or a line at the doctor’s or whatever. The act of writing it down helps imprint it into my brain, and if you’re doing it at the time you won’t forget to do it later. (This works for typing too, but physically writing is better for me.)

        You might also be able to find some breastfeeding-safe anti-anxiety or anti-depressant meds that help smooth out some of the brain squirrels.

        1. Properlike*

          Agreed with this. It sounds as if OP has a lot of (totally understandable) anxiety with the brain squirrels and fears of job loss. That’s going to compound the ADHD symptoms.

          I was also VERY late-diagnosed, and went off the deep end in different ways when my first and second kid were born. You may need to add on an anti-anxiety to smooth things out on top of the stimulant.

          I want to ask: What is your SLEEP like? Because lack of sleep will make everything worse ten-fold. And yeah, I know… but prioritize sleep and exercise. I found I could focus for a couple of hours after a fast morning walk.

          This is not a YOU problem. It’s a “system upheaval” problem, and you now have two other small people with whom you need to divide your executive function. This is hard stuff! There’s an adjustment period.

          ADDitude Magazine has so many resources for women, including new moms.

          1. wizziwig*

            Yeah this is going to be devastating to hear for a person breastfeeding a newborn, but getting frequent movement and prioritizing sleep really are unmatched management tools. They’re tragically almost as tough to get as focus under the LW’s circumstances but it’s facts.

            I struggled to the gym so I hired a trainer. I don’t have to waste executive function deciding what exercise I will do because they will have a plan and they are also expecting me to show up at 6 so I have a little supportive accountability to actually go instead of putting it off until it’s midnight and now too late to go at all. They also count stuff for me; literally I just have to show up and do what they tell me and enjoy the brain chemicals it releases. It’s an expensive tool but if it’s within your means it could be very very effective.

            It doesn’t have to be a gym and a trainer though. I don’t know where LW is in their birth recovery, but joining a walking group can get you the exact same level of support for your ADHD and sleep. There are postnatal yoga classes in some places or tai chi at the park free programs etc etc etc You don’t need an intense workout you just need some movement and ideally a location outside of your house where you’ve been living and working all day. We need a change of scenery. For that reason, I’d also recommend leaving the baby with a partner or another carer if that’s at all feasible. It’s hard to get what you need out of it if you can’t turn off the part of you worrying about the baby’s needs.

            All that said, never let the perfect be the enemy of the good. You’ll still benefit from half stretches done in your kitchen while pumping and that can help develop momentum to propel you toward other supportive practices.

            Hang in there!!

            1. Lilian Field*

              I want to second these suggestions and also add an overall point. OP, you mention that your job pays pretty well. If so, are there any ways that you could delegate or hire temporary EA-style help?
              I hired a bookkeeper about nine months ago who comes to my house every two weeks. Because of her level of professional experience, it turns out that she is also a very helpful person to discuss high-level task planning with. She reviews my calendar with me and helps me avoid major oversights, which reduces my anxiety and helps me visualize my task list. If you could find someone like this–a bookkeeper, admin, or coach–it might be very worth it for a while.
              I would also recommend being very, very realistic with yourself about what kinds of tasks are going to get done and what might not. The shorter, more concrete, or more urgent a task is, the more likely it is to get done. The more you can attach an instant reward to something, the more likely it is to get done. Longer-term, deeply analytic, delayed-gratification kinds of projects are just going to be really really hard to accomplish in this season.

            2. ADHD is a Witch*

              On the “get moving” front–I have a walking pad that lives in my office. If I walk on it while I’m working, it breaks the brain fog a little, allowing me to focus a little better and get things done. Also kind of helpful in the “I am not getting off this treadmill until I finish this task, and I am sick of it” way, but I think that’s one of those “make the ADHD brain panic” strategies you’re not actually supposed to use….

        2. Twinklefae*

          OMG yes – the “I’m going to write that down”. It’s the most important tool I have in my tool box. Also, for me, I have one paper planner, and also a digital app that gives warnings. (I use Cozi paid – that way I set reminders for 1 week, 1 day, and 1 hour. I week lets me tell work, 1 day reminds me to alter tomorrows plans, and 1 hour is the emergency back up of throw everything in the car and run.). Write it down even if you it’s basic, even if you are sure you could never forget it etc. Write it down. Be the person who writes everything down. (Creating that expectation at work also helps you to do it, because after a bit everyone will stop and wait for you to do it.)

          Setting a timer helps – I also use the app Focus Friend to stay off my phone.

          When my kids were younger, we were also religious about routines. (It helped that I have autistic kids as well, so the routines were externally reinforced)

      4. Radioactive Cyborg Llama*

        This thread has made me feel so validated. I always used multiple systems and my husband could never understand it (he also has ADHD but a totally different flavor).

      5. wizziwig*

        This is key key key advice. You will never find a solution that works forever. You will always be rotating between different systems. Don’t throw away your notebooks or cancel your subscriptions when a system stops working because you will come back to it. Try to take the shame out of this and just accept it.

      6. OP*

        That really blew my mind for some reason! I’d never thought to cycle between different apps/methods, but that’s absolutely brilliant. Thanks!

        1. dmk*

          100% this. Bullet journals this month, to-do lists next month, sticky notes on the monitor after that, then Trello, then Pomodoro, then maybe back to the bullet journal, and so on.

          The one thing that always seems to be part of my strategy, though, is that everything – and I mean *everything* – goes on my Outlook calendar. (Could be Google Calendar, or iCal or whatever. Just make sure it’s one you will use.) Make a doctor’s appointment? On the calendar. HVAC guy is coming to do the annual check-up? On the calendar – even though I’m home and don’t need to do anything, I know it’s coming. Do I want to work out today? On the calendar. What about laundry? ALSO ON THE CALENDAR. I also use an electronic calendar so it’s ALWAYS ACCESSIBLE. When I tried using a paper calendar, I wouldn’t have it with me when away from home – and wouldn’t mark down the follow-up doctor appointment I just made, or the furniture delivery I just scheduled. And when things are not on the calendar, everything goes pear-shaped.

          Kid and partner stuff also goes on the calendar (and pro tip: when your kids are in school, if their school has this, subscribe to the school calendar so it automatically shows up in your calendar of choice). This means I can see when there are kid things – school half day or choir performances or whatever – right alongside all the things I have to do today for my job and personally. If you have a partner who also uses an electronic calendar, see if you can subscribe to that, too. Or create a family calendar that they can add important things to (trips out of town, their own doctor appointments, etc.).

          1. I Have RBF*

            My household has a household chat. We have a channel for “Calendar Stuff” and “Health Appointments”. Even the cat’s vet visits go there. We also have a big yearly laminated calendar on the kitchen door, with stuff written with dry-erase marker.

            The whole household is neurospicy, mostly ADHD, with some spectrum stuff too.

          2. Roguestella*

            I always tell my kids, if you want to do something, let me know and I will put it on the calendar. If it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t happen.

        2. grlgoddess*

          And as a bonus when you cycle between methods, when one starts to fail, you don’t get that doom-spiral about how *you’re* failing, and everything’s falling apart, etc. It stops working, and you just get to enthusiastically jump into a new process or return to an old favourite! The method you pick is designed to fail, so when it does, you don’t feel bad about it.

        3. FormerProducer*

          Related to cycling between methods: some days the timer method works for me (set a timer for 10 minutes and work furiously until it goes off) but some days only the “5 things” method works (pick up 5 things and put them where they belong/answer 5 emails/write 5 headlines). When I’m overwhelmed I will ask myself: Is this a 5 Things Day or a 10 Minute Cram Session Day? Maybe that will be helpful? Best of luck! It sucks so much to have life be harder than it needs to be, especially with a newborn. I’m wishing you good things and strength from afar!

      7. SarcasticFringehead*

        For a while, writing my to-do lists in cursive helped, because it was different enough to keep me engaged

        1. Kaz-the-Great*

          For a while, writing my to-dos in a 5×5 grid like a bingo card helped me be more likely to get them done.

      8. But what to call me?*

        I used a paper planner for 20 years and loved it, faithfully writing things down, crossing them off, and only giving a day a check mark if all of its tasks AND every task before it was complete. Then gradually towards the end of grad school I found myself rarely checking it anymore, partly because the kind of work I was doing no longer lent itself to writing discrete tasks on particular days and partly because I seem to have lost interest in my paper system. I knew my main task, my dissertation, without looking, but because I wasn’t checking I started losing track of every other reminder I put in there.

        A few months ago I finally made the switch to a to-do app (TickTick) and it’s been wonderful. Tasks are easy to input and assign to a day just by clicking on a phone app, and I’m motivated to check them off because every time I look at my screen there’s a little notification of how many tasks I have left that day. Making the number go down is highly motivating in a way that crossing off on paper no longer was. Why does this work now when paper worked better for two decades? No idea! But recognizing that my old system wasn’t working anymore and changing things up made a huge difference.

        Another system that works well for me in certain moods is a whiteboard with colorful markers. When I’m struggling to get started I can often get myself going by making a pretty list, sometimes with some ridiculously easy steps like ‘open document’ so I can start checking things off and build momentum. Alternatively, it might be an ‘erase all the things’ day instead. On those days I’ll fill the whiteboard with every task I can think of and then when I’m done with a task I get to erase it. As I keep accomplishing things I get to see the board get emptier and emptier until there are no more tasks left and I’m free to do what I want.

        Bonus method: whine to one or more of a few people who know I do this about how I can’t seem to do a task I’ve been putting off and don’t know what to do about it or why my brain insists on being like this. About 50% of the time, by the time they start to respond with sympathy or commiseration I’m already doing the task.

    2. Anonymous today for reasons*

      Yes, came here to say this. I have spent the last few months trying to conceive and I delayed TTC because I was trying to figure out what to do about my ADHD meds as well as some medication I take to help me sleep. Most doctors were like, NOPE, not while pregnant, including the psychiatrist I saw for my ADHD meds. I’d read several reputable studies that showed that, although sample sizes are small, side effects on infants born to people taking these meds were very mild and were things like, “Doesn’t sleep very well for the first few days after birth.” Which, like, seems like it would hardly be noticeable, wouldn’t it?

      Anyway, my PCP recommended an office that specifies in maternal psychiatric health and I spoke to a couple of great psychiatrists there. The main takeaway is that your health is just as important as your baby’s health. So do talk to your psychiatrist about other medications that could help you. If your psych says nothing, talk to a psych who knows more about “maternal” mental health (with the caveat that trans men also can give birth so it’s not just about maternal health anymore).

      One of the annoying things about ADHD, I’ve found, is that medications will often work really well at first and then not as much later, which I feel like is somehow related to the fact that ADHD brains like novelty so new meds are amazing! and wonderful! and then as we get used to them the novelty wears off. That might not be what happened to you, OP, but certainly could be.

      (Not for nothing, though, I do agree with others that early parenthood is a crazy time no matter what, so please don’t feel like you’re failing because things are so hard. Just remember that you need to take care of yourself as well as your kids. Jedi hugs, OP!)

      1. Bay*

        I was really worried about medications losing efficacy because my brain is like that and physical tolerance is a thing. Also there’s not choices for different meds where I live, so the one that I can get needs to work as well as I can get it to.
        I worked out a system where I take the lowest dose three times a week, the next higher dose twice a week, and have two non-consecutive days off. It helps my brain and body recover from the strain of stimulant use and so far has prevented long-term changes in efficacy– there’s small changes day to day so my system doesn’t fully adjust to it and/or throw an ADHD rebellion against sameness.
        Planning to start trying for a baby in the next two years as I launch my high-stakes career in a high-stakes field so this is all really helpful to read, thank you for asking this question!

      2. Anon for this*

        Tangent, but yeah, “doesn’t sleep very well for the first few days after birth,” is…absurd. I mean, I’m not a doctor, but from what I understand and observed with my son, newborns are born without any kind of sleep schedule and they certainly sleep BADLY. And for the first couple days we were in the hospital, where people were in and out of the room all the time, sometimes waking the baby up for various tests, etc. Who would even know if he was sleeping abnormally?

    3. Lily Puddle*

      Agree with the others here saying it’s okay to switch systems as needed. I’ll use a digital version (ToDoList), then switch to paper, then switch back to ToDoList when the paper lists stop working. Another thing I’ll do is have a general “these are tasks that need to be done” list in my digital task list, then making a separate, “these are things I need to do today” list on paper made up of tasks from the general task list, and then I will rank three items from the today to do list in order of priority. So, here are the things I need to do, in general, here are the things I’m working on today, and here are the three things I’m going to take care of first (and possibly the only things I’ll do today), and I’m going to do them in this order, 1, 2, 3. Sometimes I go out of order, but I find that numbering the tasks somehow makes it easier for me to get started on something. And sometimes, if I have a task I can’t make myself really get started on, I’ll start on just the very first, very simplest task like, “open a Word document and give it a filename.” I think others have made a similar suggestion, but if there’s a task your mind isn’t letting you start, then think about what is absolutely the simplest, easiest thing you can do to get started. If need be, make that your to do list. 1. turn on computer, 2. open blank document, 3. think of file name, etc. And if there’s a report or something I need to write but my brain doesn’t want to do it, I’ll type out something like “ideas go here in this section” at the top of the page and then go down a few lines and write, “pros and cons list go in this section”, and then a few lines down write “recommendation goes here.” That’s often enough to get my brain to agree to work on the task for real.

      1. PhD survivor*

        I don’t have diagnosed ADHD but have often suspected it. I had a very similar experience to the letter writer when I was in my PhD program and struggled to make any progress at all in an environment where I was isolated with no structure. I’ve found much better success working in a collaborative, structured environment. However, one thing that helps me that may also help LW is that I always have a clear plan I follow for my work. So for each day, I have a word document where I write down which tasks I plan to do during which times. The key thing is that I always plan the next work day at the end of the current work day before signing off. This way, every time I start work, all I have to do is open my work plan and start following it. This makes me infinitely more productive than if I start the workday without a clear plan in place. There are also great tools to help with this like Kanban but even a word document or a notebook can work for this. It takes less than 5 minutes and pays huge returns. I also learned I cannot keep my phone at my desk, it must be out of arms reach. Good luck to LW and I truly hope you can find some good strategies that work for you!

    4. Tio*

      I suggest little timers to break up hyperfixations – if I know I have to go somewhere, I need 30 clock reminders. If you’re tending towards hyperfixation blackouts (that’s what I call them), these can help spin you out of it.

      I also recommend tracking for a day or two what you actually spend time on, OP. I know you said you sit in front of the computer and get nothing done, but you’re doing SOMETHING. You’re browsing websites, scrolling, listening to music and dancing in your room (maybe that one’s just me) but you’re doing something. one thing I’ve done is move my phone to another room or even give it to my husband if it’s really not working for me. Luckily my work computer has pretty strict firewalls so there’s only a few sites (like AAM lol) I can really get distracted by.

      Other than that, it does require some conscious managing. I know how hard it is to break out of an inertia or distraction spiral but you’re gonna have to force it as best you can. Would working from a new location like a coffee shop make it better or worse, OP?

      1. K8*

        Yes! It might help to have alarms set to go off at intervals throughout the day whose job is to cue you to look around and answer the question “Am I doing what I mean to be doing?” I am lost without alarms. I used to have to set one to tell me it was time to stop working and pack up and go home, or I would accidentally stay late working purely due to being sucked in. For me it was either hyperfocus or clicking between a trillion browser tabs and not much in between. Meds really did make the biggest difference though.

  4. Not an AI bro*

    Okay I know a ton of people here hate AI but this is where it can really help you. Get a Claude cowork account. Tell it everything you’re juggling. Have it break down your tasks into chunks and prioritize. Tell it when you’re feeling productive and it can “assign” you the hardest tasks. Tell it when you need easy quick wins. Teach it “skills” like doing research for you or making emails professional. Etc etc.

    It can be your executive functioning coach, your EA, your taskmaster. Obviously use checks and balances and don’t have it write your papers for you. Claude Opus is incredibly powerful if you haven’t used that model yet.

    Goblin tools is another set of tools for adhd folks that a lot of people love!

    1. Marie*

      This. I also hate AI but this is a legit use case to accommodate a disability until you can get on medication.

    2. Berin*

      I just took a screenshot and saved this. Amazing use case for AI, saying this as someone who hates AI.

    3. RIP Pillowfort*

      I would caution that since she’s in academia and doing a paper- AI might be a problem she doesn’t want to get into.

      And absolutely never let it do your research for you. That’s how we get into problems of reliability because Claude is a LLM. It’s developing answers based on the language, not an understanding of the topic.

      1. Kirakaoru*

        Or may not be allowed – some institutions and publications are taking harder stances against genAI because of the headaches it’s ended up causing with junk submissions and hallucinations, and are just banning or adopting strict policies around disclosure and acceptable use, and navigating those is more likely to cause a distraction than end it.

        This is why Daniel had a human assistant in Perception.

    4. Late ADHD Diagnosed*

      Goblin Tools is way better than AI!! There are a lot of issues with any AI platform when it comes to things like mental health support and ADHD support.

        1. Another late-diagnosed ADHD haver*

          Yes, Goblin Tools is delightful, but it absolutely is a wrapper for exactly the same tech every other AI tool is using!

      2. WendynLisa*

        I work in AI and I would never trust it with academic research other than
        1) getting brief summaries to see what requires further investigation by myself
        2) building pipelines/code to extract non-AI data
        3) bouncing ideas or phrasing off (but specifically tell it I want tonknow what is *wrong* with my idea)

        the risk of hallucination is too high.
        I built a book translator pipeline for public domain/commercially unviable works for personal use. It makes mistakes, and I iterate to improve.
        it’s pretty good as a reading version. but I would not hang my professional reputation on it.

        1. Mutually supportive*

          I think the suggestion is using AI to plan the work and stay on track, not to actually do the work!

          1. WendynLisa*

            I could be wrong of course, but this part gave me pause.

            Teach it “skills” like doing research for you or making emails professional. Etc etc.

    5. Derek*

      Yep, I’ve been using my workplace Copilot account this way. I don’t have an ADHD diagnosis (no idea if I’d meet the criteria), but absolutely struggle with executive functioning, especially post baby. Do be careful with not giving it information you don’t want your employer to have. I’m conscious that what I write in it can likely be read by someone else, although I’m sure that wouldn’t happen in a day-to-day way (except for all their data mining and whatever else they have up their sleeve…). I’m also in academia so I only use my workplace account, not just because of *my* work but because I’m working with other researchers who are absolutely not consenting to have my submit their ideas to external systems. Using Copilot this way has been a game changer – I get a little bit more done, but mostly I’ve been able to prioritize much more effectively, and my energy in the evenings has skyrocketed. Turns out I was spending literally all of my energy just attempting to get work done. I’ve named my AI assistant chat Derek (from The Good Place), and I read everything it says in his voice to make sure I don’t put *too* much weight on it.

      Here’s my current prompt:

      You are my pragmatic executive assistant, workflow coach, and thinking partner. Your role is to help me manage work effectively. If I demonstrate that I am struggling with emotional barriers to getting work done, such as feelings of overwhelm, your role will be to provide a gentler on-ramp to the task by providing scaffolding to get started on the initial tasks.
      [Description of my job so it has context for what I need to do]
      Your job is to help me:
      1. Prioritize which tasks need to be accomplished
      2. Prioritize realistically. If I give you a list of tasks, help me identify the 1-3 highest impact things to do next.
      3. Identify delegation, automation, or simplification opportunities If something seems unnecessarily complicated or low-value, point that out.
      4. Use gentle accountability If I am avoiding something, help me pick a small step and suggest that I try it now.
      5. If I seem overwhelmed or stuck in rumination, gently interrupt the spiral by helping me identify a very small starting step. Favor momentum over extended discussion of the problem.
      6. Provide guidance on accomplishing a reasonable workload each day, without attempting to carry a heavier load than is reasonable.

      1. Fastest Honk in the West*

        I love this! Thank you so much for sharing. I’m going to try it – even though I don’t have ADHD, I’m also struggling with executive functioning due to (pick one or all): menopause, sleep deprivation, stress, my job stinks, my boss stinks.

      2. B’Elanna*

        Seconding this. Using AI to break down tasks has been very effective for me in terms of being able to get and stay on task.

      3. llama mama*

        How does this work? Like how would it know if you are ruminating? or struggling with starting a task? Asking as an ADHD person for whom all of this just sounds like another thing for me to manage. but I struggle with any system that starts to get at all complicated to maintain, it’s straight notebooks, google calendars and timers for me. And body doubling/accountability partner when I can organize it.

    6. DivergentStitches*

      AuDHD here and AI has helped me so much! I’ve written basic powershell scripts to automate everyday tasks and my boss/her boss are so impressed. It also helps me make to-do lists and checklists with fancy Excel functions to organize my work.

    7. Ana*

      Seconding having AI read your emails before you send them and asking it about the tone or to edit the tone. Copilot catches my typos, usually, but it will also give me the same paragraph in different tones. If you’re not up to choosing, just tell it you want calm or respectful or no drama or whatever you’re looking for our wanting to make sure you avoid.

    8. OP*

      Thank you! I’d never heard of Claude until it came up in another AAM post… and I didn’t think to look into it then. I will definitely do this, and also pass it on to my husband (also ADHD, but well managed

      1. WendynLisa*

        Claude and similar are great for review, or even interaction (dealing with staring at a blank page)
        A couple of notes
        1) You cannot trust AIs for original research without review.
        2) They tend to be by default… unchallenging to users. They are likely to agree with you a lot. You can manage this by telling it you want it to disagree where appropriate.
        3) AIs forget things. The longer the session interaction, the more earlier memories are pushed out. It typically handles this by periodically making note files, clearing memory, then bringing the notes into memory
        4) If you give it control over apps or tge computer, there is a risk. I typically tell it to only work in a particular subset of directory.

        That said, if you are careful it is hugely helpful. It allows you to think big picture, and it is much easier to find issues in something else’s output than one’s own.

    9. allhailtheboi*

      Seconding (/thirding/fourthing/etc.) this as an AI sceptic that using AI to break down the steps in a task helps me get started. I tell it I have ADHD and it helps break the task down into tiny enough steps it feels manageable for my type of executive dysfunction.

      The other option may be seeing if you can get an ADHD coach? I don’t really know it works with work and in the US, because my ADHD support tutor was funded via my studies, but she’s massively helped!

    10. VFD*

      I’m…just not sure the ethics of using it this way pan out. There are tools that are, in fact, ethical to use in some ways but not others, but this just isn’t one of them, because its existence is unethical. I don’t think it’s ok to support these kinds of tools at all, no matter how personally helpful it may be.

      1. Katie A*

        The existence isn’t so unethical that it’s wrong to use them this way. Yes, they scrape the internet and look at things that people put online and it makes people unhappy, but that’s not actually unethical. Even if you do think it’s unethical, it’s a minor ethical wrong to use IP in ways people don’t like, since it doesn’t directly harm anyone.

        And of course, if you’re using it the way described here, you’re not going to be having it reproduce anything close to other people’s creative work and you won’t be contributing to the parts that are real social issues (e.g., scraping art and then artists not getting work because of it).

        Even if all of that really bothers you, a lot of it has already been done and will continue to be done for the foreseeable future, regardless of our actions. The only unethical part that you directly contribute to by using them is the environmental impact.

        You can counteract the environmental harm by donating to orgs that work to reduce the harm data centers are causing and you can change your to keep your environmental impact the same. You can even do it directly, by reducing how much you use data centers in other ways, like streaming video and audio. Do some research into how many prompts equal an hour of YouTube, Spotify, Netflix etc. (my understanding is that it’s a lot of text prompts) and download content and re-watch or re-listen to the same things. Or use DVDs and CDs or other physical media instead.

  5. Union*

    Is there any way you can work from somewhere else, even if just for a couple hours a day? Location changes help for a number of reasons, but one of the reasons they help for me is that I need to think about what I need to get done so I can decide what to bring.

    And then once I get there I inevitably want to leave, but it’s easier to say “okay, I don’t want packing up and coming out here to be a waste of time, so I’m going to find and annotate three more sources, and then I can leave.” And I always end up wanting to keep the momentum going.

    2. Asloan*

      My biggest tip is that if there’s something I really, really don’t want to, and I can’t take the shame of not having done it anymore, I go to a cantina near my house in late afternoon with all the stuff and work there, and when I have succeeded in the task I get to order a margarita and take it easy the rest of the day. Granted, this only works for my role because my schedule is very flexible, but if there’s any form of this that can be adapted to OP’s situation it’s worth a try.

      1. district worker*

        +1. I had tasks I put off for weeks on end. To get them done I realized I need to go to my favorite coffee shop that has a 2 hour wifi limit – it somehow really works for me. I already paid $8 for this bubble tea, and the comforting environment helps me lock into the hardest task I need to do. And I only have to work 2 hours before I get booted off wifi. That’s the only thing that helped me break into some tasks I had months of recurring avoidance about.

    3. epicdemiologist*

      My (adult) kid with ADHD swears by location change as a strategy, even if it’s just moving to a different room for a while.

      2. Another One*

        Sometimes just moving from my desk to my couch helps me get through a project. It’s a special treat. Extra comfy.

        I did treat myself to a travel monitor. Nothing fancy. Maybe $100 on Amazon. But with an side table brought in from my bedroom, I can still have two monitors with all the comforts of my living room only 5 steps from my desk.

    4. Tau*

      Yeah, pretty much the end all and be all of ADHD management at work for me is “DO NOT WORK FROM HOME”. It is the difference between me being a skilled productive professional who struggles with specific non-crucial, fairly minor tasks and a nonfunctioning lump. I’ve reached the point where I leave my work laptop in my locker in the office so that I am not even *tempted* (my perennial struggle is that WFH sounds like a great idea that will surely work this time even though it has never worked before and coincidentally would let me lie here 45 minutes longer roughly when I’m trying to get out of bed to leave in the mornings.) If I didn’t have an office nearby, I would probably try to find a co-working space and try to get to know the regulars. Just anything that gets me out of the house and into a space where the switch for professional mode gets flipped.

    5. wizziwig*

      This is also a successful strategy for me though I use it more sparingly and it works best when I’m able to set an objective before I get there. Sometimes, though, when things are gnarly enough the objective ends up being “define an objective for today”.

    6. Lemons*

      Definitely do this on days you have one of your many medical appointments! Appointments are SO SO SO disruptive. Simply cannot do anything before, and after it’s ‘too late’: entire day ruined.

      If you go to a coffee shop or other location, play a game where you have to sprint on work until your meeting, it could help. I’m a freelancer and my game is “I can’t leave until I earn 10x what I spent at this shop”. I also pretend everyone at the shop is very impressed with the cool elite work I am doing (my work is not cool or elite) which helps me playact a productive worker by being one.

    7. lapidary*

      Yes! I mentioned this above but I think of the second location as “positive Foucault’s Panopticon” where people MIGHT know if I’m not doing my work, so I have to behave!

  6. Carrie*

    Firstly, make absolutely sure that you can’t have your regular medication while breastfeeding. Generally, less than 1% of drugs enter breastmilk. Medical practitioners will err on the side of extreme caution with this kind of stuff, so do your own research. Emily Oster has a lot of evidence-based advice on what’s safe to do during pregnancy and breastfeeding.

    1. harmReductionIsGreatButStillBeCareful*

      Agreed that it may be harm reduction for you to take the medicine even if the doctors are cautious, but Emily Oster also says it’s okay to smoke while pregnant and some other things that lots of experts really disagree with so take these kind of things with a pinch of salt or look for consensus from a wide range of researchers!

      1. KitKat*

        She absolutely does NOT say it’s safe to smoke. She says the exact opposite in Expecting Better: that unlike many other topics (ex sushi) there is very robust, long-established research determining smoking is one of the worst things you can do while pregnant.

      2. JustaTech*

        This is more for folks who are thinking about getting pregnant/ are pregnant, but there is an entire specialty of perinatal psychiatry who *specifically* deals with psych medication in pregnancy/breastfeeding.
        The one I spoke to evaluated my medical history, talked about my symptoms and knows the research deeply (far more than my GP or even my OB/GYN) and was able to evaluate the risk/benefit balance for me and my medication.

        (And then of course right after I had my baby there was a nationwide shortage and wasn’t that a fun combination of no meds and the hormone cliff!)
        (As a side note I’ve given up on Emily Oster’s opinions entirely as I don’t find them actually backed by research, but she is a good reminder that a lot of this stuff is being actively researched and you should check the literature.)

    2. Treena*

      Please do not ever take Emily Oster’s advice! An economist is not someone to trust with health decisions, and she has a lot of notorious bad takes.

      1. Old Cowboy Boots*

        Yes, her takes on Covid and her general shtick is in thrall to libertarian agendas — she gets money from their think tanks and definitely has some very sketchy opinions that she presents as “research”.

      2. PhD survivor*

        I strongly agree. Emily Oster is reaching outsider her area of expertise but presenting herself as if she is a health expert. She also has a weirdly hostile view towards public health and falsely claims that public health/medical guidelines are not evidence-based. I’m a trained public health professional who has worked on guidelines and I can assure that guidelines-making is a rigorous, evidence-based process. Public health guidelines are focused on population-level risk while economists focus on individual-level risk so public health is likely to be more conservative but that’s not a bad thing especially for pregnancy where the consequences of a bad outcome can have life-long impacts. Also, public health guidelines are formed by multiple experts while Emily Oster is just presenting her personal views so you should trust the guidelines built on the consensus of multiple experts rather than one persons views.

    3. Kate*

      Please, please do not consult Emily Oster for medical advice; she has extrapolated incorrect assumptions based on her misunderstandings of research and presents that with her veneer of authority.

  7. at large*

    I think there’ll be a lot of good advice for ADHD strategies, but I do think it’s also helpful to think about this in the context of your pregnancy and the very significant impact pre and post natal health as on our hormones and mental processes – this is happening because of ADHD, but it’s being caused/exacerbated by pregnancy. Do you have a partner/family member/friend who can take some of the at home admin load? (e.g. those appointments you missed?) Is there a trusted co-worker in your current role you could speak to about this? (someone who has also managed pregnancy symptoms may be extra helpful)

    1. Asloan*

      Yes, OP is chalking this all up to ADHD and the meds not working, which is very valid, but I think there’s a lot of post-partum / general stress talking here too, which is exacerbating the situation and may open up different avenues for solutions.

      1. Bespoke Budget Formatting*

        Definitely. I’m on medication for ADHD that works really well for me…unless I’ve been chronically sleep deprived, which a breastfeeding mother of a one-year-old almost certainly is, even setting aside any other post-partum hormonal effects.

        1. Ana*

          OP, is it possible that sleep deprivation is what made the meds you were on stop working? It sounds like your day is flexible. Can you fit in more sleep or naps? Could that help with the symptoms themselves as well as making the medicine more effective again? My daughter with ADHD didn’t need meds until going away to college and she can’t seem to prioritize sleep. Now she’s struggling to focus and trying meds.

    2. just getting by sometimes*

      I would second this! Not a mom but someone who strongly suspects I have ADHD and has GREATLY struggled with the executive function parts of every job I’ve ever had. The only way I survive particularly tough periods is a sit down with my partner about what pieces of the household mental load I can hand off. He’s saved my life many times by taking on things like meal planning, managing the calendar, keeping up with bills, timing laundry, etc, the stuff that takes real thought, and letting me step back and handle more rote tasks (and prompting me when needed, truly so lucky!). If you have a partner (or a village generally) who can step up at home to let you just execute, not manage, some tasks it’s worth trying and seeing if that frees up spoons for work.

      1. Lilian Field*

        Yes, and if OP doesn’t have a partner who can take this stuff on, it might also be possible to delegate a lot of it to a paid professional.

    3. Late diagnosed & in Menopause*

      Yes, I’m in menopause due to surgery. I was diagnosed recently with ADHD because the hormone changes caused all the things that used to work for me to go off the rails. I am not a medical professional, but I’m wondering if hormonal birth control might help. If you even out your hormones it should help with the ADHD – it won’t solve everything but going on HRT was life changing. I’m not on ADHD meds (there are reasons I haven’t tried it) and the HRT has helped a lot.

      As others have noted, sleep which you likely aren’t getting is also huge to how you function. The other thing that has helped me so much is exercise (which you probably don’t feel you have time for) and realizing sometimes I need to get up and move and walk around a block for 10 minutes or I’m getting nothing done. This is critical especially in those times that I’m overwhelmed and so busy I can’t seem to get anything done. Movement for me really helps do a reset and lets me focus. Meditation is another tool people have mentioned that sometimes helps – takes the edge off the panic.

      1. Asloan*

        One of my friends takes her baby out into the woods to run with a jogging stroller as a mental health thing. Now I know there’s a lot of logistics that need to work out for that to happen, but it’s been night and day for my friend. I believe I’ve read studies on the affect of nature on ADHD brains.

      2. smeep248*

        I just got put on hormone replacement therapy as another tool to help me mitigate my ADHD symptoms. It is apparently well-know to some medical professionals that menopause (and in my case suspected perimenopause) are huge factors mitigating symptom management

        1. here comes dingus week*

          It’s interesting to hear others’ experiences with hormones affecting ADHD meds! I have PMDD that’s pretty well managed with other meds, but my Adderall 100% stops working for those 2-3 days. My psychiatrist was similarly unsurprised by this.

          Between the PMDD, Adderall shortages, and semi-regular international travel, I’ve got a few tactics for getting through meds gaps…

          – Someone mentioned attending events and meetings, and I second that. I hate it but it helps structure my workday.

          – Relatedly, for me it can be easier to do a much hated task if I’m in a webinar or something where I’m listening but not expected to participate.

          – Getting really aware of what I’m capable of at different times of day and scheduling tasks accordingly

          – Time limited work blocks. I can work in 4-hour chunks with a long break in between; more than that and I get useless fast. Like OP I’m remote and time-shifted from my coworkers, which makes it easier to experiment with hours

          Good luck OP! I’m rooting for you!

  8. Ralphie*

    The doctor prescribing you medication needs to be more involved, and so does your partner.

    1. Dust Bunny*

      Seconding this: Please go back to your doctor and be very, very, clear about how much this is not working for you. And . . . I don’t know what your partner can do but you need strong backup here.

      1. Nobby Nobbs*

        As discussed above, partner can take on as much of the life admin as possible. So can friends, who may not be authorized to make medical appointments but who will almost certainly be glad to sort and run a couple of loads of laundry a week if they hear that OP is floundering this badly. An ADHD brain belonging to an adult who’s always been able to handle themselves before will try to convince you that there’s some kind of prize for handling an all-hands-on-deck situation alone but it is LYING.

        1. ADHD is a Witch*

          I mean, if your friend is the same gender you are, they don’t have to tell medical care providers they aren’t you when making appointments. Or other phone calls.

          I answered the phone when a friend called the other day with, “What is this thing that you are doing? My phone doesn’t do that!!” because I HATE phone calls, and they make my brain freeze.

          I have an extroverted friend who sometimes makes them for me, because she doesn’t have the “I hate that so I can’t” switch and it’s an easy task for her.

    2. Sillysaurus*

      Yes. I was very concerned when I read that the ADHD meds just suddenly stopped working (after previously working well). In my 20 years of being medicated for ADHD and knowing many other people who have been medicated a similar length of time, I have never heard of this happening. It makes me wonder if something else is going on.

      1. ImNotHereImWorking*

        I started on ritalin at 40. I was shocked at the difference it made. And thrilled. And angry actually. A year or two later I got depressed. Ritalin, no ritalin, who could tell. Dexamfetamin works slightly less well for me but doesn’t quit when the world goes grey and sad around me.
        So ritalin can stop working when brain chemistry changes.

      2. ADHD is a Witch*

        I suspect AuDHD increases the odds of medications suddenly working differently; autistic brains are more elastic and build new connections faster and more often, which means they actually could adapt to the meds.

  9. Relucia*

    Fellow mom here- I don’t have ADHD but the mental load of motherhood is real! Add in hormones, sleep deprivation and all the other wonderful things that come with raising babies/toddlers and it’s a lot for everyone. Sending you a big hug from afar- it feels like a lot because it is A LOT.
    If your phone is a distraction, I highly recommend Brick- yes it’s expensive but it’s a one time cost. I keep the Brick upstairs and my office is in the basement, so I have to go alllllll the way upstairs to unlock it. This allows me to still listen to music on my phone, check my personal email and get phone calls while not being able to scroll social media, surf the web or shop.

    1. Box of Rain*

      I’ve been hesitating on getting a Brick, so I started using Focus Friend to lock down my phone and Finch for my daily tasks. I literally have “eat lunch” on my list of to-dos each day because I forget to eat. I may go ahead and get a Brick though, it’s the physical distance that I need, I think. I appreciaet your review!

    2. Kate*

      You can use Foqos and it’s free! It works the same way as Brick, but it costs nothing. It’s an absolute lifesaver for me.

      www [dot] foqos [dot] app

    4. OP*

      Thanks so much! I’ve never heard of this, and this is exactly what I need for my phone. Not just for work, but for being present with the kids.

  10. juliebulie*

    I got my ADHD diagnosis at 40, so I sympathize.

    I found dexedrine more effective than Adderall, but if Adderall quit on you, dex will probably quit on you eventually too.

    For medical reasons, I’ve been working without ADHD medication for a couple of years now. It’s hard, but I find it somewhat helpful to think of my work day as a series of bursts and breaks, rather than a big blob of time that I have to fill. I don’t time the bursts and breaks, but if a timer helps, use it. It’s much easier to deal with discrete chunks of time.

    I also take tasks – even the simplest of tasks – one step at a time. That is, I don’t think about doing the whole thing at once. I do the first step, and then maybe I do the second step or maybe I come back to it after doing something else. It sounds disorganized but it’s actually respecting the chaos in my head, if that makes any sense.

    I’m not as efficient as I was when I was medicated. But apparently, I’m efficient enough.

    1. Buffy will save us*

      I’ve found timers, lists, & calendars (with reminders) to be helpful too.
      Each day I make a list of the tasks I need to accomplish and order them in importance. Just writing it out helps to remind me.
      Then setting a timer to go off at a certain increment of time all through the day to have me take a break if I’m too focused or re-focus if I’ve gone off the rails.
      And having calendars that can send you reminders- visual and sound- to remind you of meetings, appointments, etc.

  11. Butch Ado About Nothing*

    I know I’m making assumptions, but where is your partner/coparent in all of this?

    Can they take over managing the kids’ appointments, to give you at least one less thing to stress/beat yourself up over?

    If you both work from home, can you ‘body-double’? You could give them a list of work tasks you need to accomplish, they can help you decide on order/priority, and then check in during the day to help you keep on track. I’ve also got ADHD and I find that the serotonin boost of being able to tell another person that I’ve accomplished X, Y and Z (and conversely not wanting to say I haven’t done A, B or C) is often enough to get my haywire brain over the line.

    1. Asloan*

      If it can’t be the partner, might OP find a friend or even an ADHD coach or someone she pays online to do this?

      1. Hlao-roo*

        Checking in as a (as far as I know) neuro-typical person who has provided some body-doubling for an ADHD friend during a job search before. I think it’s worth asking some friends if the OP doesn’t have a partner/the partner isn’t an option for whatever reason.

        Also, I haven’t used them, but from a quick search Focusmate and Deepwrk are two virtual body-doubling platform. Looks like Focusmate has a free version and Deepwrk offers a 7-day free trial.

        1. Carlie*

          Think Divergent is also a free body doubling app. It is text only (no video), but I’ve found it surprisingly motivating. You wait for a partner (I’ve never had to wait for more than 5 minutes or so), tell each other what you plan to do, and then check in with them again 30 minutes later when the timer goes off.

        2. kowl*

          Came here to second or third this. A coworker who has been very open about her midlife ADHD journey has been having a lot of success with virtual body-doubling. She uses one of the programs where you’re both working on Zoom simultaneously for a set block of time. (This sounds horrifying to me! But it’s been an effective tool for her)

          1. AVP*

            This honestly explains SO MUCH. I’ve had clients where I inadvertently end up being their body double partner, and frankly I had no idea what they were doing or why we ended up working together on Zoom all the time. But then they’d say “wow I got so much done because you were here!” I need to look into this more lol.

            1. Asloan*

              Yes honestly if you are not ND you kind of have to watch out for coworkers who are using you to motivate them, if it’s not particularly productive for you. I had a very ADHD boss who needed “joint working sessions” on projects so she would do her part and I will willing to spend my time that way because she was my boss and I needed her input. I had a coworker who wanted to schedule a lot of extra meetings because otherwise she wouldn’t do anything – those I had to decline because it wasn’t productive for me.

    2. OP*

      My partner has truly stepped up and has taken on a lot of tasks… But he also has ADHD (his is just medicated and better-managed) and I think the bottom line is that the load between us is more than 2 people’s worth, let alone 2-neurospicy-people-struggling-with-executive functioning’s worth, and with me at 50% capacity, there’s only so much he can take on without also crashing and burning. He unfortunately has to be physically at work all day, so the doctors appointments and all the kid stuff before 6pm (which is basically all the kid stuff) ends up on my plate.

      But I did see a lot of people suggesting body doubling, so I’m definitely going to check that out, just not with my partner.

  12. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

    Do double check with lactation and pediatric experts on the medication safety. Many doctors will just not prescribe nursing mothers medications because they don’t know if they are safe for nursing or not.

    I set a lot of timers -not for reminders, although for appointments I do that too – but to reset my concentration. And break down tasks into really small pieces.

    I also do better with physical to-do lists and reminders than electronic

    1. Madtown Maven*

      Yes! A detailed explanation of using timers to help with concentration can be found if one searches the Pomodoro Technique.

      1. Properlike*

        A lot of ADHD people (including me) find the traditional Pomodoro technique AWFUL because we need to “gear up” to get into the work state. So let me shorten it for the ADHD crowd: Set a timer for between 1.5 – 3 hours and then Do The Thing only for that long.

        ADHD folks can also get into this weird belief that everything “takes four hours.” (Time blindness.) If you have solid proof it will only take you 30 minutes to an hour, and repeat, eventually it gets a tad bit easier.

        BUT THE HORMONES my friend! Even women who aren’t postpartum or menopausal find their ADHD meds work differently based on where they are in their cycle.

        1. The Unspeakable Queen Lisa*

          My ADD husband uses timers in 2 ways. Even at home.

          For short tasks, like making sure he brushes his teeth for 2 minutes, he sets the timer for 1 minute per side. When it buzzes, he switches.

          He also uses the timer to make sure he doesn’t spend too much time on a task when he knows he has something else coming up, like an appointment/meeting he can’t miss. So he sets the timer for as much time as he has before he needs to prep or leave for the meeting. And then does whatever until the timer goes off. The timer keeps buzzing until he turns it off, so he can’t ignore it.

          This was partly prompted by me, because he was previously using his phone for all reminders and they just blended together into nothing and he kept missing things. I encouraged him to use the phone less and use his physical calendar and timer more.

          The timer is the Creaviva “cube” on Amazon. It’s actually a 12 sided die with timers from 1 minute up to 90 minutes.

  13. Asloan*

    OP, I think all the stress you are feeling is exacerbating your issues as much as anything. That’s why the dramatic emails and this rather dramatic letter. (“I’m unlikely to get another opportunity even close to this good” – that’s a bit black and white, no?). I realize counseling is just another appointment that’s easy to miss but I’d suggest some emergency assistance not focused on fixing everything with your ADHD *rightnow!!* but just letting you find calm. I recognize it’s incredibly hard with a new infant, and it’s hard to just tell yourself not to stress when you are stressed. If mindfulness works for you, great – I’ve never had much luck with it but other forms of calmness-finding like walks in nature, music, or prayer help me bring my shoulders down from around my ears. If I can only get one hour of work done some days, I try to get one good hour, not beat myself up. Also: this role seems singularly ill-suited to your struggle right now. Remember when someone really scattered wanted to be a PM and the advice was something like “that’s not very kind to yourself”? A completely non structured job is tough for anyone. You might find your systems weren’t so suddenly unbearable if you could shift yourself to a different contract.

    1. Cat Lady in the Mountains*

      Yes to the part about not beating yourself up! OP, you are doing amazing things, parenting two small children (including an infant!) while working in a job you love and figuring out how to handle a body and brain that are behaving differently than you’re used to. That shows incredible resilience, creativity, problem-solving, and self-awareness.

      Worst case scenario say this job doesn’t work out and you drop some balls in your personal life. You will be ok! You can figure this out! It will not be the end of your career or the end of your family’s lives.

      You haven’t fully figured out how to navigate this new reality yet, and that’s ok.

      also – is there anyone you trust at work who can give you some more specific, direct feedback on how you’re doing? it sounds like you know there are areas to improve (not putting in enough hours, the way you’re coming off to others sometimes) but sometimes hearing someone say “these are the three things I’ve noticed that I’d be worried about” can be really helpful. Or you also might hear “that one email was weird but I get it, you just had a kid, it’s no big deal.” That wouldn’t replace your own assessment of what needs to improve but it’s always helpful to get an outside perspective.

    2. Chupacabra Laundromat*

      I appreciate calling out the drama in the letter. I was diagnosed in my late 40s and I’m definitely a catastrophizer. Of course, now that I know there’s an explanation for that it’s easier to sit with the feeling and let it pass.

    3. Pink bunny*

      I second therapy/counseling. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety first and have done a lot of great therapy to work on that (combined with meds). When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I did therapy first to identify what I was struggling with. I also take meds now but could probably function ok without them if I had to.

    4. OP*

      This made me laugh pretty hard. Thanks for calling me out. This was definitely written in a despairing moment and was unnecessarily dramatic.

      I do go to a therapist, but I can’t make it more than every couple of weeks. It does help me find peace at the time, just doesn’t last long. Maybe I need to find a way to go back to weekly or implement some of the other strategies you’re suggesting. We’re thankfully about to go on vacation, so hopefully that will serve as a nice reset.

      Unfortunately, the one piece I’m definitely not being dramatic about even upon calmer reflection is how lucky I was to land this contract. There are truly so many great things about it that work well for me, and as I was re-reading, I realized most positions in my field would still have the same weaknesses, possibly multiplied or just in a different disguise. I’m just at a stage in my career and have chosen a profession where solitary/individual contribution work that you have to manage yourself is the norm. Yes, I’d likely do better with a boss that actually managed, but I’ve only had that once in my career anyway (too many academics around). It helps to reframe it that way, because now I know I have to find a solution or think about completely shifting careers (which isn’t something I’m truly interested in).

  14. smeep248*

    I am so so sorry and you have all of my sympathy. Are you in any kind of therapy? I think that the shame is likely making it even harder for you, so that might be a way to break the cycle. If you can learn to accept that your body and your hormones are different now, and that you may need to start from a new baseline, without beating yourself up or shaming yourself, it may help.

    I would recommend ADHD specific therapies if possible as they can help you to implement strategies. I am medicated, and my medication is miraculous. That being said, I need to do boring stuff like eat enough protein frequently throughout the day to keep my neurotransmitters in balance. I need to have a routine, and get enough sleep (both feel impossible, but when I do it helps).

    Is there someone at your job or a friend with whom you can “body double” for times when you are not in meeting and appointments? Just linking up on Teams or Discord and working through your items with another person “present” on the line doing something similar might help.

    Regardless, give yourself some grace. Unfortunately the stigma around ADHD being a willpower/ laziness issue is deeply embedded in capitalism and is hard to let go of.

    1. HQetc*

      A few people have mentioned protein, and I just wanted to also add that in addition to its importance for ADHD in general, it’s also really important in the effectiveness of stimulants. It’s of course entirely possible that the Adderall has just stopped working for you, but if you’ve shifted your diet or changed your nursing schedule or something else that might impact the amount of protein you’ve eaten near time to taking the Adderall, that could be something to try.

      From a practical standpoint, I have found this is one of those very annoying catch-22s: it feels like the executive function you need to maintain a good diet is precluded by the ADHD. So I “cheat” when it comes to protein. Siggi’s yogurt pouches (8g protein, and Siggi’s also has weirdly high protein non-dairy options, if that’s your jam), Clif Builder’s bars (20g, or 10 for the minis), Chobani bottled yogurt smoothie things, Kind breakfast bars (not sure, because I’m in an off-phase on those two at the moment). There are more options if you are open to stuff with non-sugar sweeteners, I’m just not a fan of the taste. I get bored or frustrated with any one of these after a while, so I have collected options to cycle through. Find myself avoiding the Siggi’s pouches? Back to Clif bars.

      Sometimes I get in my head about the single use convenience foods, but then I remind myself that I am managing a medical condition. We are allowed to do what we need to do – no shamies. Which, on that front, let other stuff slide. Wear dirty clothes, switch to paper plates for a while, hire cleaners if you can, or just let your bathroom sinks get grimy. Use the executive function on the must-haves for now (and examine if all your “musts” actually belong in that category).

      1. Properlike*

        Hard boiled eggs. Pre-boiled and bought in a package.

        You’re 100% right about single use being perfectly acceptable for a limited period of time. So are parachutes and life jackets.

        1. The Unspeakable Queen Lisa*

          Or a longer amount of time. If that’s what you need, then it’s an accomodation like any other.

      2. smeep248*

        I cheat so hard on my protein (and still don’t do a great job, but my last round of blood work didn’t show all of my protein markers indicating malnourishment). I have found that I am also pickier about food than I realized which makes eating well hard. I HATE the after taste of most protein shakes/ powders. I met with a nutritionist who was like “you know what you need to do, but you don’t have to do it the hard way, here are the cheat codes”.

        For me, vital protein collagen powder and fairlife chocolate shakes are life savers. Also the Lean Cuisines with 15-20 g of protein.

      3. OP*

        That is so interesting! I’ve never heard about that (or have been told about it — I’ve just been told “make sure to remember to eat and stay hydrated”). I think I’m getting enough protein, but I had some recent labwork that suggests maybe it’s not being processed correctly (low creatinine), so it’s definitely something to look into.

  15. 53 and ADHD*

    For the executive dysfunction stuff, I find that often the hard part is getting started. A few things that work for me:

    1) Start small and build momentum. If I work on the easy things first, then I get into a groove and can move on to bigger things.

    2) Bound your time. There are some tasks that it’s much easier to engage with if I say “okay, I only have to work on this for an hour, then I can stop.” And sometimes, when I get to the end of the time, I can keep going. But allowing myself the option to stop really helps.

    3) Body doubling. It’s weird, but it works. Sometimes having someone else present (even if just via a zoom call) really helps with focus. Works well with #2.

    4) Sometimes, you go to start a task and have this immediate impulse to switch away from it. If you can just sit with that discomfort for a minute, it often passes.

    1. Snoflinga*

      I routinely set a timer for 10 minutes and tell myself, “You only have to work on this task for 10 minutes. That’s manageable; you can do anything for 10 minutes!” And then once I do, I almost always find my brain gets interested in some part of the work and I end up working longer. But to even start, I need to give my brain permission to quit right away if I need to.

    2. Liz*

      Thank you for this very clear advice. I have a lot of trouble starting tasks and just screenshotted this to put on my desktop.

    3. Box of Rain*

      RE #1 – I use timers and have them everywhere around the house. I tell myslef, “You can do anything for 10 minutes,” then set the timer and when it goes off, reset it for another 10 minutes, and another 10 minutes, etc. until I know I’ll be able to keep working on whatever it is.

      1. SpiderLadyCEO*

        Thirding the timers. I set alarms for everything. Ten minute warning to go, five minute warning, RIGHT NOW. Having the alert helps me to snap out of it and keep moving, and for tasks with deadlines, or meetings, or places I need to be it keeps me aware of what time it is.

        I also use music to help me stay conscious of the passage of time. Playlists with set times mean when that time is up, my task is up. I need to move on. And the songs themselves…if I know a song is two minutes and a task should take two minutes if that song is wrapping up, so should I.

        Having environmental cues helps a lot for me!

        1. WeirdChemist*

          I also use music to track time! I used Vivaldis Four Seasons a lot (it’s about 40 mins). Sometimes I got to the end of the 40 mins and restated from the beginning to keep working, sometimes I had to stop at the end of the 40 mins, but it’s 40 more mins than I otherwise would have been able to motivate myself to do! I’ve also found that having specific songs/playlists/etc for work was also separately motivating because I started to mentally associate them with doing work. Eventually just starting the music was enough to tell my brain “ok we’re working now”

        2. Aerin*

          Using music is really smart! I’ve been finding that I’m in a phase where I get very avoidant of timers and reminders and have been looking for ways to ease transitions. Songs and playlists are such a perfect counter to time-blindness, too, because I might not be able to tell you how long three minutes is but I will know exactly how long is left in The Schuyler Sisters.

          Plus, I can pretend I’m in Hudson Hawk and timing out a heist to a song.

    4. Flouise Belcher*

      I’ve also found success with the first strategy you mention. If I can get momentum going with something small / easy, it can sometimes help me get in a groove or be more mentally ready to tackle harder stuff.

      I’ve also had some success with the pomodoro method and timers. I use Focus Keeper which still lets me listen to music block blocks other apps. It allows tailoring of what to block during focus times and offers both free and paid versions.

  16. Blep*

    Break down lists

    Not exactly the same as to-do lists, but things breaking down what your main things to do that day are into smaller tasks. For example, “Create teapot SOP”
    – Need the following references
    – What are the major steps for outlining
    – What are the minor steps
    – What are things that might not be obvious at first glance

    You cross them off like a to-do list, but the important thing it’s doing is breaking things into smaller tasks and helping you track and remember what’s needed. If one of the tasks has multiple parts, break it down further

    It helped me a lot when I was figuring out the right medications

    I also always had these in a physical paper journal at my desk. Not digital, and no bringing it home.

    1. Spring bloom*

      Seconding breakdown lists! I once described my ADHD executive dysfunction as the hyper-awareness of every little step in a task. It’s not just get out of bed, but turn off alarm, open eyes, roll over, push to sitting position, stand up.

      Breaking down tasks into those little components helps organize my thoughts better than any other method, and there’s real satisfaction in physically crossing off each item. Plus, you can see how close you are to full completion! If you only wrote “send out TPS report” then you have the dread of an incomplete item, but if you have the list of individual tasks you can see that you’re almost done, you just need that email from Jane for final numbers.

  17. WeirdChemist*

    As someone who managed to brute force their way through a whole PhD with undiagnosed (and unmedicated) ADHD, here’s some of the things I did.

    -Made to-do lists. Like a LOT of to-do lists. There were daily lists, weekly lists, monthly lists, etc. I always ended my work day by making a to-do list for tomorrow, which made it easier to jump into work the next morning. The weekly/monthly lists also helped me keep future meeting in my memory.
    -Said to-do lists (especially the daily ones) got hella granular. My list wasn’t “work on dissertation” it was “work on figure for chapter 2, format figure for chapter 2, insert figure for chapter 2, write caption for figure for chapter 2”. Breaking the task down into smaller task helped motivate me to keep making progress because it was easier to “just do this little thing” a bunch of times in a row rather than “work on giant thing for a bit”
    -For some reason with writing I could only start with rough drafts hand-written on paper. I have never successfully looked at the blinking cursor on a word document and been able to write. It could only be a hand-written rough draft that I copied into word. Idk, but maybe that could be something to try
    -There is quite frankly an element of telling yourself “I don’t want to but I gotta”. Like I know that’s some lame bs that you see on a motivational poster and roll your eyes at, but…. sometimes you just gotta. No judgement, I struggle heavily with this too, and it’s a lot easier said than done. But, yeah…. you just gotta sometimes

    1. WeirdChemist*

      Oh, also having playlists specifically for work! I don’t get sick of music very easily, so ymmv, but I had specific bands/playlists that I only listened to while working, and it got to a point where putting on that music was a mental trigger of “ok it’s work time”

      About half of my dissertation was written to my chemical romance lmao

    2. Asloan*

      To your last point, for whatever reason I often find that I can’t do Hated Task, but perhaps I am suddenly capable of doing Less Preferred Task while I am avoiding Hated Task. I have no idea why my brain works this way, as I was not capable of doing Less Preferred Task yesterday, and it used to just contribute to the shame/angst of not getting Hated Task done. But now sometimes I’m able to just be happy that at least I made good progress on Less Preferred Task and try to take that win.

      1. WeirdChemist*

        Yes, I’ve gotten in some good procrasta-cleans over the years while trying to avoid doing something else lol

      2. pennyforum*

        I have literally ask my co-worker if I can take their Task Y for them, as I’m doing task Z and they go together, rather than do Task A I’m procrastinating on

      3. RIP Pillowfort*

        Oh this brings back memories of my mom (who does not have ADHD) trying to get me to adopt her strategy of doing the most hated task first. “Just do it and then it’s done!”

        NOPE that is not how this brain works.

      4. Be Gneiss*

        Yesterday I worked on a thing I didn’t want to do and had been avoiding for 5 straight hours to avoid a 15-minute thing I didn’t want to do MORE, and then I got myself a little treat for being so productive. You have to take your wins however they come!

      5. Fudge and wine*

        I lean into this method hard. It doesn’t always solve the problem as my brain picks which tasks it is procrastinating with and against, and sometimes things are too urgent. But most of the time, just doing something that needed doing (eg loading the dishwasher) gets me in a groove to do other needed tasks and sometimes those tasks are work ones! I find forgiving myself for not working on the most important tasks and being proud that I did other tasks, really does help. The shame/fear/anger from not achieving something can really block me from doing anything helpful.
        Having said that, right now I’m not in a good place job wise (trying desperately to move) and that feeling is really getting to me, so I’m managing a few hours a week of work. Which is less than ideal!

    3. Box of Rain*

      I recently started using Finch for my to-do lists. I get the splash of dopamine when I make my bird happy and cross them off then buy a cute hat or something for my bird. There are settings to keep things on the list until done, to have the task show up every day (one of mine is “eat lunch” and another is “went to bed by 9:45 yesterday”). At just over three weeks, it’s the longest I’ve kept using an app designed to help with self care, daily tasks, etc.

    4. WeirdChemist*

      One more thing! I also kept a notepad with me outside of work to scribble down those random “don’t forget this for tomorrow!!!” type brain intrusions outside of work. I was in a bad cycle of being stressed -> trouble falling asleep because my brain would quiet down -> waking up tired (if I even slept at all) -> be even more stressed because I was exhausted

      Writing down some of those little brain intrusions kept me from being badgered with intrusive worries about work at all hours, which helped significantly with sleep, which helped with symptoms!

      1. Strive to Excel*

        +1000 for a paper notepad! Both in and out of work.

        I carry one where whenever someone mentions a new task I need to do, or my brain provides a new task, I write it down and draw a little bubble I can fill in once the task is done. I will also sometimes do task breakdowns in there.

        Worth noting that it took me some time to find the right type of notepad. I needed to find one that didn’t feel too cramped and I could use easily. Silly maybe, but I’m running with “if it works and it’s not objectively bad for you, don’t jinx it”.

    5. TheErdbird*

      Very recently diagnosed, so I’ve been powering through unmedicated for all of my working life (two masters degrees and now a desk job). I second all of this – the physicality of a paper to-do list, handwritten notes, ideas on post-its and blank paper (then taped into a notebook) really helped me with memory and getting work started in a way that typing doesn’t. I found a regular lined notebook to be too limiting, my absolute favourite are the Moleskin unlined cahier notebooks.

      The “I don’t want to but I gotta” is so, so real. I have a printout of the angry eagle meme (“going for a stupid little walk for my stupid mental and physical health”) on my fridge to remind me that I don’t have to enjoy the thing, but I still have to do it. It helps.

      1. Sad Trombone*

        STUPID LITTLE WALK FOR MY STUPID MENTAL HEALTH has been my motto for years.

        To OP, also cosign all of this. To-do lists saved my absolute ass during my graduate degree. I also HIGHLY recommend automating where you can. You have a child and a baby! That is a WHOLE lot to manage on top of life + work + existing as an autonomous human! That makes me tired just thinking about it even before adding the little people!

        Something else I found useful is that I did a 3-month pre-plan. I blocked out several hours of protected time and just put every single thing I had coming up on a paper calendar. Yes, paper, because it helped me visualize the upcoming time period. Any upcoming doctors appts, deadlines, holidays, social events, project start times, meetings, EVERY SINGLE THING that needed to happen got put on the calendar. INCLUDING the next “pre-plan the next 3-months” time block. Everything went on the calendar, and then I added the stuff like grocery shopping, gym trips, bedding trip to the laundromat, likely date for a pedicure refresh, car washes, etc in on days where I’d likely need to get them done. AND THEN, I went back and put realistic dates of when I could push stuff when my brain was going “NO”. Having a soft deadline where it would be great if I have the capacity to do The Thing and a IF I DO NOT DO THIS NOW I WILL BE FIRED/HUNGRY/KNEECAP MYSELF deadline helped my squealing hamster of a brain pretend it had choices and the luxury of procrastination.

        This might not work for everyone, but offloading my required internal calendar/memory onto paper and carrying it with me took a huge bunch of stress off my plate. Because I did all the mental work during that one, hyperfocused block instead of having to keep up with it on the fly. And! Having the paper calendar with me meant I could add things when needed. (Any calendar is ok! Whatever works for you! I just like paper because I can LOOK at it and hold it in my hands and that made it real to me.)

  18. FreudOnWheels*

    This sounds so hard, OP! I use an app called SelfControl – it blocks websites from a list you put in for a time you set, and it literally has no workarounds. You can’t turn the app off, restart your computer, use another browser, etc. It’s the only thing that works for me a lot of the time. “Ah, but what about your phone?” Good question! I give my phone to my partner, who has executive functioning that I don’t! Sometimes I just need to take choices away from myself.

    I can work better in a cafe or coffeeshop than a quiet environment – having something to block out helps me focus on the work. External motivation works for me too. I use sticker charts for myself, based on time I have worked – so every 45-60 minutes of work I get a sticker. It’s a visual reminder, and it’s based on time work, not output.

    Finally – postpartum is a wild time. How much of this could you attribute to ADHD vs hormones, vs lack of sleep, vs all of the other tasks you are managing? At a certain point, you are having to use way more EF skills than you have ever had, managing appointments/feeding/sleep/etc not just for yourself but for three people. Are there other tasks you can outsource or get support with, like meal planning, appointment pickups, laundry, cleaning? I bet if you get some extra support with some of the home-life-executive-functioning, you’ll have more left for work.

    1. CeramicSun*

      For phone blocking stuff, I use ScreenZen. It’s free and I can set it to either completely block stuff for a period of time, make me wait 5 seconds before opening a website/app, and to only let me be on a certain app for so long before blocking me again. I had it scheduled for certain hours of the day

  19. Apple White*

    One thing that’s helped me with my ADHD is accepting that I’ll have to rotate my solutions. I’ll use a paper planner until I get bored of it. Then I’ll transfer that info into Trello, or a Spreadsheet, or a series of post-it notes, or whatever. Rinse and repeat, now armed with a series of tools I can switch into and out of.

    Part of it is acknowledging that’s how my brain works, and trying to work with it instead of against it. Part of it is unlearning the shame and stigma around not being able to “just” do what needs doing. The brain craves novelty, and working with that can help keep me on top of things.

    1. Eldritch Office Worker*

      Oh I’ve never seen this framed like this before, this is super helpful. It’s always “planner helps until it doesn’t” which is super defeatist, but “rotating solutions” is actually strategic!

      1. Hibiscus*

        You have to enrich your captive brain tiger’s environment, otherwise they get sad!

    2. Tiffin*

      Also diagnosed with ADHD in my 30s. This comment is the best advice I could give. Unlearning the shame and not spending time daily berating myself for not being able to manage tasks ‘the correct way’ will help so much and let you get unstuck much faster when you are struggling. There’s a lot of pressure to make yourself ‘more neurotypical’, but being honest with your strengths and weaknesses and working with what you’ve got will last so much longer.

      A personal example – I can’t get on with productivity software. Plenty of people love Trello and things like it, but my ADHD is heavy on the object permanence problems. As soon as I have to keep track of tasks across multiple places, I start losing things. If it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind for me. Same with notebooks or bullet journelling. Once those meeting notes are thirty pages back, they may as well not exist.

      I spent years beating myself up for not being ‘better’ at this, but now? Now I have one mega diary spreadsheet with a row for every client/project I’m working on. Everything is right there on one page, no flipping between tabs. It’s got space for a summary of the last thing I did or next steps. It’s got a to-do date box and conditional formatting so I can filter the list for tasks that are due today. It has color coding. It has links to files on our shared drive. Everything I’m working on gets recorded in that spreadsheet, because if it’s not there, it’s a crapshoot if I remember it.

      It’s the first file I open in the morning and it stays up on my second monitor all day. Every step of a task, the sheet gets updated, e.g. ‘Jane called about additional teapot quotes 03/03. Call vendor if not heard back on updated quotes next week [To Do: 03/09]’

      Is it an Excel monstrosity? Sure, but it works for me and I don’t need to show it to anyone else.
      Do I remember things better now? No, but that was never going to happen. The important thing is I’m meeting my deadlines now and my manager is happy. It doesn’t matter if the way I manage that is inelegant or clunky looking – it works and it works well.

      You know where you struggle most. Try methods that sidestep those struggles as much as you can, rather than trying to brute force your way to being ‘better’.

      Also, holy cow, do not underestimate the power of getting up from your desk to move a little. Sometimes three minutes on my feet and going to a different room is the difference between me getting started on a difficult report and glazing over for 45 minutes while my brain struggles to lock in.

      1. The Unspeakable Queen Lisa*

        This is all great advice, with the caveat that you need to know yourself.

        My ADD husband has a thing with threshholds – if he crosses into another room, the previous room ceases to exist. Anything that happened there is gone. It’s like shaking up an Etch a Sketch. So getting up and walking/stretching needs to stay in the same room until he is done with that task or he will completely forget he was doing anything.

    3. NeurodivergentEducator*

      I just heard an interview with Dani Donovan, the creator of the Anti-Planner on the podcast AD/HD for Smart-Ass Women who said essentially the same thing (Whole podcast is worth a listen!)

  20. RIP Pillowfort*

    Mom with ADHD here. So I was diagnosed in childhood and not as an adult. Meds have never worked well for me. I took Ritalin as a kid- it really didn’t help and I stopped investigating meds before Adderall was even on the market. Stimulants have never worked well for me so I go without. I do take a low dose anti-depressant which does curb some of the anxiety and continues to work (for the most part).

    But I could feel myself in your words because I had an interaction with someone this morning where I know I got a bit more manic than I should have. It was a simple request but they kept arguing about it. I am also avoiding a task I don’t like but I’m about to start it by force after I give my advice.

    My advice:

    1. Meds are only one part of treatment. You do need to develop coping strategies for living better with ADHD. Hormones could be a huge part of why things aren’t working and developing strategies outside of that are key. Routines, techniques, etc. There are tons of advice on where to start but you need to start trying them. Something will stick.

    I’m someone that will not work with using technology to stay on task. So I use an analog timer system. 20 minutes on task/20 minutes of brain break as my daughter and I call it. And brain break is NO WORK. Anything but what I was doing. It helps the squirrel stay entertained.

    2. I do not send emails right away unless the answer is dead simple or a legit emergency. If it’s going to be an email that could be in anyway- I let it sit on draft for 30 minutes. I also try to take my feelings out of any email interaction. I cannot help my face or my voice if I’m struggling with my emotions but I can take steps for my written work.

    3. Right now you’re struggling but you have not always done so. You do have to look and try to pinpoint the source. Right now I am absolutely struggling with existential things tied to the gov’t. I have some real fear and my emotional dysregulation on that will bleed into all aspects of my life. It’s important to know the source of a problem to work around it.

    1. Box of Rain*

      One helpful thing I did was turn off my email alerts and block email time. I’m rarely involve din thngs that are super urgent, so I can wait and check my email 3-4 times a day.

      I also turned off Teams message alerts for everyone but my teammate, my boss, my grandbosss, and my great-grandboss. And they’re audible alerts I can’t miss, which keeps me from obsessively clicking over to Teams to see if anyone needs me or I’ve missed something important. I get to everyone else’s chats when I look at the ones from my team or boss.

      1. RIP Pillowfort*

        Yeah that is super helpful if it’s something you can do for work. Where I work I am a high contact individual so I get calls/messages/emails from so many people outside my bosses and I have to triage work.

        The nature of the work is ADHD friendly. I’m doing a lot of different things all throughout the day so it’s not as disruptive as it sounds. I just have to make sure I take 1 task at a time.

        Where I struggle is bigger items like if I had to write a complex process document or paper that is more than a page. And long deadlines because I’m time blind.

        1. JustaTech*

          Long deadlines are *the worst*, especially if literally no one else is going to check in on them until you’re supposed to be presenting at a conference or something.
          I’ve got one of those coming up and like the second thing I did was put a whole bunch of very specific due dates in my calendar. Things like “Absolute last day to send to legal” and two weeks before that “Send to Legal” and then various draft dates.

          My boss is not very interested in/useful with helping me stay on track, but thankfully I have work friends who have already volunteered to review for me, so that also helps stay on track. I might ignore my own deadlines, but I’m not going to ignore a scheduled meeting.

          1. RIP Pillowfort*

            Oh I know that feeling. I have a conference later this year and the deadline for submitting is late summer.

            I manage my to-do lists by making my timelines shorter. So if something is due October 30. I set target dates for things on like having a draft presentation done in May. Having the team review it by June. Turn it in August.

            But having it in my calendar doesn’t work. I have to have it in my sprawling Microsoft Notes Work Log system I have developed. I do better with mind mapping style workflows and keeping a bullet point list of the tasks. It’s messy but I don’t miss deadlines.

  21. I can't odd*

    I can sympathize – I have ADHD, but none of the medications I’ve tried have ever helped (the only effects I ever got were panic attacks, so…not ideal). I also mostly work from home, and it’s really rare that I’m able to stay focused on a work task for more than a few minutes without something distracting me.

    What has worked for me is accepting the way I work. I get a lot done in short bursts and then can spend a lot of time doing other things. So, I get everything done, but if I had a job where my work was tracked, I’d be fired the first day. I moved from academia (where as long as I got things done, no one cared) to a corporate job (where I have billable hours), and for a long time, I felt guilty that I was putting 8 hours in on a day where I knew I wasn’t heads-down on work tasks for 8 hours. But giving myself grace to accept the way I get things done and trusting that I’ll get the important stuff done and do it well – even if I don’t fit with the way neurobland people work – reduced the guilt significantly.

    I also built in a couple of habits, like checking my calendar before bed and first thing in the morning, just to reduce the chance that I’ll forget about something.

    1. AVP*

      This is so true! I’ve accepted that I’ll get around 4-5 hours of “billable” work done in a day, and the rest of the time is task-switching, catching up on the news, reading email, etc. That’s okay! No one is telling me I’m not doing enough, and I have the same workload as others, I just spring and break, sprint and break.

      It really helps me not to overload my to-do list. If I’m like “I know I can get these 15 things done in 8 hours,” I’m going to sputter out and feel bad about it. If I write the non-urgent ones on tomorrow’s list, though, I’m more likely to get through the same list in the same amount of time because it’s chunked better.

      1. Amateur Linguist*

        I hope you’re not billing 8 hours a day for 4-5 hours actual work. That’s where it becomes a problem.

        1. AVP*

          No, I don’t actually bill anyone. I own my own business and clients are on monthly retainers for set scopes of work, not based on hourly charging. This is just my mental system to make sure I’m working enough to get everything done, but they get charged the same set dollar amount regardless.

    1. Nesprin*

      +1 OP is basically drowning and organization tips really aren’t going to make the difference.

      OP, what have you asked for from your clinical team, your work team, the baby’s other parent, and family friends? In order:

      I’d highly suggest asking for post-partum depression/anxiety screening and to figure out if going off your drugs to breastfeed is going to be doing you more harm than good. You should have a therapist/coach to help manage this stressful period.

      Have you asked your work team for more flexibility/ an adjusted work schedule/ any other modifications? New baby is a well understood thing to make people less efficient- even neurotypical people struggle. Its worth also asking whether you’re assessing your work accurately- ADHD can make judging your work very difficult, and especially as you sound pretty stressed, you may be overestimating how badly you’re doing. Given that your team is remote/in europe, I’m guessing real time feedback isn’t likely.

      Can your partner/family/friends take on more of the home load? Why are you managing all the Dr apts?

  23. Perihelion*

    This won’t solve all the work issues, but as someone whose partner has ADHD, under these circumstances I’d be happy to take over a lot of the family/household logistics. Even if it’s more than my “fair share.” Especially since it’s not for forever, just for a few months. Do you have a partner who can help more? I know that I often feel guilty when I can’t keep up with “my share” of stuff, but sometimes there are very legitimate, sometimes medical, reasons why a person can’t for a bit. I have young kids at home, and I sometimes feel like I’m doing most of the executive functioning and emotional regulating for three people–even not having ADHD, that can be a lot for me. If you and a partner can approach this as a team, where you’re not able to do quite everything for a bit and they can step up, that might help.

    That might also free up some executive functioning for work stuff, too.

    1. Asloan*

      Also, at some point I sometimes have to tip the switch over to “this is a crisis” mode and start throwing money at my problems. This is no way to live but if I was sincerely worried I was about to be fired, it would be worth it to pay for assistance short-term in order to avoid that long-term devastation of losing my insurance etc due to layoff. So in this case that might be paying for premade meals, paying for cleaning, upping the childcare, whatever it takes to get more stuff off your plate so you can focus better on the essentials, which are probably your kids’ medical appointments (can you offload any of those onto your partner?) and your work.

      1. Starbuck*

        Yea I see LW doesn’t mention home life stuff at all, their letter is totally focused on work – but it is probably worth examining those systems too for opportunities to reduce your overall mental load to focus more of it on work.

  24. Self Employed Employee*

    Things that work for me: Body doubling, a small reward before I work, not after, to jump start my dopamine. I also start small. Really small. Like open the computer and log in, then I putter a bit, then I open up the file, etc. I find when I just do bits at first, it lessens the feeling of resistance. I also try to get what dopamine I can from ‘work related’ things like organizing my desk, etc.

    1. Asloan*

      Ooh can you say more about the reward before starting? I think something like that could help me.

      1. ImNotHereImWorking*

        A silly expense, Stickers, for me. The reward to start is 5 min looking/picking. Specific number of tasks done, put one in the cart. When I get to the free shipping minimum I get stickers. Or crochet patterns, books, kid stuff.
        Anything you want, that you can stop for a timer. I know at least one person that uses a bit of candy or a nut but that’s a big no for me. My favourite timer is MouseTimer by litluco. It has bright colours, presets of 1, 2, 3, 5, … Up to 60. And then you get a mouse eating apples. You can race her, get your task done before she eats all her apples.

        2. AVP*

          Oh man if I did this for crochet yarn I would be in trouble but I admire your system!

          I do love the visual of the MouseTimer giving you a nut (or acorn) every few intervals.

    2. Not your trauma bucket*

      Seconding this! Bribes work for me, rewards don’t. I also set timers to get started. If I’m struggling to stop doomscrolling and do the thing, I’ll set a timer. Then I can doomscroll guilt free until the timer goes off. The timer runs my life.
      I tend to work with background tv- usually a procedural show I’ve watched a million times or something I don’t care about that has solid rhythm and no bursts of loud noise. If I’m feeling itchy, I’ll tell myself I can have a break at the end of an episode. That helps a lot with time blindness.

      1. Asloan*

        I agree that I used to use track of time more often but sometimes having one of those TV all day marathons on in the background keeps the hours distinct from each other. “I’ll finish this by the end of the episode, and then start on Y with the new ep” is a weird strategy that sometimes works for me.

    3. No Longer a Bookkeeper*

      Yes, there’s a Youtuber named Haley Honeyman who makes videos about ADHD and autism, and she has lots of videos about handling burnout, executive dysfunction, and dopamine management! If you have ADHD you’re starting at a dopamine deficit as soon as you wake up, so doing things that boost your dopamine can help you when it’s time for work! So while I know the advice to “swallow the frog” (aka do your most dreaded task first thing) works for a lot of people, for me it can lead to me being stuck in a loop of procrastinating on the dreaded task, but feel like I can’t start anything else until I do the dreaded task, so it turns into an executive dysfunction loop. So starting small and working my way up to the dreaded task helps me a lot!

      Also, it seems like you’re dealing with a lot of shame, which I also struggle with. I can’t remember the numbers right now, but I’ve read that ND children hear substantially more negative feedback from parents, caretakers, teachers, etc, than NT children, so it’s really easy to internalize that there’s something wrong with you and your struggles are moral failings. But they’re not! You’re a person and you’re allowed to make mistakes and you’re allowed to struggle when you’re in a hard time! It’s ok to need to lean on your support system right now and ask for help! NT moms also struggle balance their career with their very small children, and it’s your “fault” that you’re struggling. It’s very normal! And you deserve to give yourself grace and kindness and the permission to ask for help. Sending you all the good thoughts!

    4. spooky*

      I really recommend following the work of Alora Young, who creates great resources for neurodivergent folks. She introduced me to the idea of “dopamine farming,” or intentionally doing things to build up your dopamine reserves before starting on a task you expect to be draining. This can be all kinds of things: eating some candy, doing jumping jacks, smelling a nice candle, petting a cat, looking at a nice picture.

  25. Box of Rain*

    Here are some ways I (diagnosed at 48 last year) trick my brain at work:

    1. First thing I do is grab a post-it, open my calendar, and write out all meetings I have that day. This keeps me from 1) missing meetings, and 2) obsessively checking my calendar thinking I’ll miss something which takes me out of the task I’m working on. Super simple, this is what it looks like and it goes in the same spot on my desk every day so I can glance at it when needed:
    date at the top so I don’t get it confused with another day
    11 – ID team
    1 – integration
    2 – webinar, optional
    4:30 – check in w/Codi

    2. I have specific tasks that I actually LOVE doing but are very hard for me to get started with–I have a special thing that I can only do when working on those tasks. e.g., lighting a candle while working on a course design, fancy tea I can only have when working on scheduling, etc.

    3. My most productive time is 2-6 pm every day, so I try to plan easier work in the morning. I also use time blocking and try to “park downhill” at the end of each day. Not my original term, but basically setting my future self up to sit down and immediately be productive. e.g., Having the screen of notes I need pulle dup in the center screen, maybe doing my post-it for the next day, etc.

    4. When starting something, I’ll tell myself ALOUD what the end result needs to be or what the final step is. If someone asks me to check a link for them to make sure it’s working, I’ll click the link and then forgot about it. So I’ll say to myself, “Last step is to let Sheri know this is working,” as a reminder I have multiple step sto get there.

    1. OP*

      Those are all great ideas, and I don’t think I’ve heard of most of them before. I’m obsessively checking schedules a lot, but having it right in front of me on a post it would help so much!

      1. Box of Rain*

        I originally did the post-it to reduce anxiety, but once I did it, I relaized how many, MANY times each day I was checking my schedule. 98% of the time it was for no reason, too.

        With the time blocking/parking downhill, I forgot to add that I try to get my next day blocked before I end the current workday. It saves me (sometimes lol) from the trap of sitting and staring at my desk for the first hour I’m at my desk. The bonus is that if I have to move a task into the next day enough times, I get sick of doing it and will do the thing just to not have to keep moving it. lol

        Past me setting future me up for success is one of my most used supports in general.
        –I don’t want to get gas becasue I’m tired and want to get home plus it’s dark. BUT, Future Me will be incredibly thankful for Past Me becasue I know Future Me gets into the car with minutes to spare and having to get gas will make her late and ruin her morning.
        –I don’t want to do the dishes becasue it’s Friday after work and I just want to hang out with my partner plus I’ve let them pile up. BUT, Saturday Me will be so, SO happy that all she needs to do is the creative projects or yard work planned for Saturday.

  26. Berliegirl*

    I have ADHD and can’t medicate. I use Flow.club for virtual body doubling sessions. it seems wierd, but really helps. most people there have adhd as well.

    I also use Claude. I have a task initation project with information about my jobs and adhd difficulties. I brain dump every task I have in there and it helps prioritize and breaks then down and helps motivate me. I struggle with task initiation and this method helps be get through it.

    And I wear a smart watch and set reminders for absolutely everything.

  27. Ginger Cat Lady*

    In my experience, many doctors who don’t specifically know if meds are safe for breastfeeding will tell you not to take them. When really they might be fine, but the doctor isn’t familiar enough with breastfeeding to confidently prescribe. That’s understandable from a physician liability standpoint, but it means lots of pregnant and nursing people are going untreated for a lot of conditions, which sucks for them.
    If you haven’t already, check out the LactMed database. It’s an evidence based and peer reviewed resource on medications during lactation. In both my personal and professional experience, not many providers outside of OBGYN or pediatrics know about it or regularly use it. The easiest way to access it for most people is the free LactRx app, but it’s also available through PubMed.

  28. Executive NoFunction*

    I suspect I have undiagnosed ADHD and really struggle at times with motivation at work. The ADHD weasel on Substack has some good tips. A recent one for just getting started on something had these tips, but it’s worth a look at the whole thing.

    Name Why It’s Stuck Say it: this feels boring. I don’t know the first step. I’m afraid it won’t be good enough. The block has a name. Find it before you try to push through it.

    Shrink the Entry Point Don’t start the task. Start the first 3 sentences, or the first row, or the first field. Smaller than you think is small enough.

    Body Double It Text someone that you’re working on this for 23 minutes, or sit somewhere other people are working. Other presence activates the ADHD brain.

    Change the Container Move to a different room or put on headphones for the first time today. Context shift signals to your brain that this attempt is different.

    Set a Wrong-Version Timer Give yourself 8 minutes to do it badly on purpose. Your brain can fix a bad version. It cannot fix a blank page.

    Pair It With Something Do it while the coffee brews, right after the shower, during the first song on a playlist. Attach it to something that already happens.

    Remove the Open Decision If it’s stuck on a choice, make the choice randomly. The task cannot launch while a decision is sitting in front of it.

    Talk It Out First Describe the task out loud for 60 seconds. What needs to happen, in what order. Speaking it recruits a different part of your brain than reading it on a list.

    1. Asloan*

      Wow I can’t believe how many of these I use without realizing it. To me a very useful one is the the headphone thing – I have a special “get to work” playlist and I have really noticed that when it comes on sometimes my brain is willing to shift in a way it was not previously. It’s only an hour long and sometimes that hour is all I can do in a day – other times I can switch to my other work playlists or just repeat the playlist in the afternoon and get another good session.

  29. Carter Carter*

    Honestly, I would speak with another doctor. There are medications that are safe for pregnancy and nursing. That said, I find working around my rythymns to help a lot. If I’m the one booking the meeting, I book it in the morning because that is when I am at my best. Putting tasks or meetings in the morning helps because that’s when my focus is the clearest. I also find it helps to plan my work day the day before. At the end of the day, I use my planner to map out what I will work on and my priorities for the following day. I use a planner called Focus Planner–it is pricy (Maybe $60?) but worth it if it’s in your budget. It’s amazing for my ADHD brain.
    For the missed appointments, I find it helps to book everything on the half hour. 2:30 just stands out more to my brain than 2:00 does. Part of it is ADHD time blindness. External help can help for important things–obviously I can’t ask my husband to manage my calendar (as sweet as that would be) but I do ask him to remind me of any critical appointments or meetings.
    My biggest tip is to break down tasks on your to do list in very small steps. For example, I used to write “create summary report” on my todo list. When I learned about breaking down tasks, I started writing “create summary report; download meeting notes; enter key points into word, disbribute to teapot team.” Now that I realized how much it helps, my to do list looks like this:
    Create Summary Report
    -go into team folder and download meeting notes from Sept-Nov (10 mins)
    -review each summary (2 hours)
    -write executive summary (1 hour)
    -ensure all documention is correct company branding/style (30 mins)
    -distribute to team (10 mins)
    It helps so much because the ADHD brain gets overwhelmed so easily, but by breaking things down into very small pieces I know exactly what my next step is and how long it will take. I like having lots of 10 minute tasks on my list so I can slot them in around meetings.

    1. Asloan*

      I do think the specific issue of the missed appointments could be targeted with really specific strategies. If these appointments aren’t urgent, would it be possible to give yourself a bit of a mulligan and say “I can’t take the first available, I will take your next 9AM whenever that is” if you know 9AM is a better time for you to realistically make versus the afternoon or something? It feels daring but sometimes I have to remember that an appointment I don’t make it to didn’t help *anything* so the least-worst option may be better than it seemed. I know medical offices are cruel with their efficiency and often inflexible but you might just need to assert boundaries around what is and isn’t possible for you – it’s not helping anyone for your to keep missing these either. I struggle with this kind of perfectionist thinking though, and the system isn’t designed to help at all.

  30. Jake not from State Farm*

    Adult ADHD diagnose-ee here. First step is to give yourself grace. ADHD can make all emotional reactions heightened, especially ones like guilt and self-recrimination. I can’t even imagine adding post-partum ANYTHING on top of that.

    1st: Have you confirmed with your doctor that you have exhausted safe medication options while nursing? There are non-stimulant options that are off-label used for ADHD that may help with your executive functioning. As someone who also has anxiety, Bupropion has been a life changer.

    2nd: A practical thing to try that works for me when I’m struggling is the Pomodoro method. 25 minutes working, 5 minute break. Repeat. After the 4th 25 min session, take a 20 minute break. Google the parameters for guidance on breaking up tasks.

    3rd: Give yourself permission to fail at this. Everything is new for you. You will regress as you unlearn old and unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s a known thing. It will suck. Lean on your support systems. You are not a failure because you are struggling. The system you grew up in failed you because it wasn’t built for you. Take baby steps. Know that what works this week will likely not work next week but might work next month. Yes, it’s infuriating.

    1. Asloan*

      I agree with the 3rd point so much. This isn’t forever OP but this is the time to pull out all the stops with asking for support. You aren’t going to be immediately post-partum and in fear of losing your career very many times in your life. This is the time to ask for help.

    2. HQetc*

      +1 to pomodoro. My biggest struggle with it is remembering to start it in the morning, but if I do, it really helps (aaaaaand I’m off to start it, so may come back here on my break!)

    3. Jen*

      Pomodoro helps me SO much. It’s great when I don’t wanna focus (“Just do 25 minutes and then you can go screw around for 5 minutes!”) and for avoiding hyperfocus. I also use Panda Planner, which helps me prioritize and remember what to do.

  31. Late-Diagnosed ADHD-haver*

    The Anti-Planner by Dani Donovan (she has a great website) has lots of great options and strategies for ADHD brains!

    1. MaybeItsADHD*

      Second this! The Anti-Planner is pretty cool. (Do not buy on Amazon, that’s a knock-off)

      I’m also working on teaching myself that it’s okay to try things, even if I doubt they’ll work. Maybe I’ll be surprised. Maybe I’ll say “that would’ve worked if…” and be able to modify it.

      1. ADHD Anon*

        Yes! I like it so much I buy copies to give to friends, therapists, my child’s high school counselor. It’s a massive book of strategies, broken into usable bits with tabs so you can look for something that will work right now. It’s a little pricey, but worth it.

  32. It’s an Oolong Story*

    I actually have never been on a stimulant medication, so I truly can’t speak to this scientifically, but I will say that when I went months without finding a pharmacy that could fill my stimulant script, my psychiatrist put me on a dose of Strattera, and at one point also added Wellbutrin before I decided the side effects/limitations weren’t worth it. It’s likely a milder effect that stimulant medication, and it can take a while to kick in, but those two medications can be mood-stabilizing (Wellbutrin may be particularly useful given that it sounds like you’re now in a very anxious place with juggling all of this, understandably!) and you may find that a mild but consistent medication works better than something with more ups and downs.

    But in terms of non-medication strategies, I find that there are a few strategies that work really well for me.

    1) Duplicating reminders as many ways as it takes. I have a physical to-do list, I use Windows Sticky Notes app, and I have an Asana to-do list, and I try to check all of them every day, or at least as often as I remember they exist! (This is similar to the strategy of keeping a trash can in every room instead of trying to remember to pick up and carry trash all the time. Some days your brain will like the physical reminders, some days it will like the digital one. Plan for both days.) Asana is particularly helpful for longer-term priorities, reminders to check back in with others, etc, because I can assign deadlines and get notifications when they’re approaching.

    2) My inbox is never zero, but I try to keep it so that any email that doesn’t have an action item attached is sorted into a folder for future searching/reference. Anything that stays in the inbox has a color-coded Outlook tag for Need to Reply, Replied, Replied – Follow Up, or (non-email) Task. My calendar is also color-coded (in my job it makes sense to have one color for meetings, one for coverage, and three for different types of public programs), and my digital Sticky Notes use the same color system.

    3) When a deep-focus task like writing just Isn’t Happening, I allow myself to give up for 10-15 minutes. The best way to reset my brain is to do some physical exercise (I love the Radio Taiso calisthenics), clean my office, or do some filing/sorting/no-brain tasks, and then restart the deep-focus task with a clean slate. Rubber ducking is also useful, as are timers, or saying F it, I’m going to write the WORST DRAFT ANYONE HAS EVER WRITTEN. It’s a lot easier to get myself to go back and improve an existing terrible thing than to create a high-quality brand-new thing from scratch.

    4) I have a blank word document called Drafting. Almost every time I have to send an email or make a phone call, I write it/make some bullet-point notes in that document first. It slows me down a little and gives me a chance to reread, make edits, and prepare. I have sort of the opposite problem on phone calls where I tend to over-promise, so spelling out in my notes explicitly “If they ask for this, we can’t do it. We can do this instead” helps with that. I think the same principle would apply to coming off frantic, by writing “It’s important we do This because of That, and ideally we would do This x2. But if we can’t, that’s okay” or similar.

    1. Box of Rain*

      I can’t take stimulants becasue I only have one kidney, so after trying one other med (can’t remember the name), I went on Strattera and was already on Wellbutrin. It was like altering for me. I was Doing! Stuff!

      But then I got greedy and said, “If it’s this good, surely a higher dose will be even better!” Turns out 40mg is perfect, but 60mg makes me think everyone (including me) would be better off if I wasn’t here. I went off the higher dose, tried another, then went back on the lower dose last month and everything is great.

      All that to say–meds are so weird. It really can take years to find the right combo or it just… stops working. Which is why all the other supports are SO important.

  33. AnonymADHD*

    I’m nearly on the same boat. Got diagnosed after having my first child, and now I’m nursing my second one, so no meds. First, much sympathy. Life with ADHD is already hard, but with two small children and through disease-riddled winters… It’s really tough. Now to suggestions:

    Is coffee an option for you, or do you notice the baby staying very awake when you drink some?

    Second, sports really help me. A short workout in the morning, in between dropping off kids and work, does something good for my executive function.

    Third, I’ve been filling my desk with post-its: before wrapping up every day, and in general when it’s really hard to start working, I instead make to do lists. Somehow that doesn’t trigger the “oh no, not work, not now” part of the brain. Then whenever I have energy, usually the next morning, I pick one post-it and work through it. It reduces the inertia to start working.

    Fourth, body doubling works great for me. If you’d like to try, here’s a suggestion. If you have a friend who also WFH, ask them to come over and work in parallel (this also works via zoom). At the start discuss three things that reach of you want to achieve that day, and check in on each other every hour or so.

    Fifth, unless an email is extremely urgent, if I’m not 100% sure that is harmless, I press “save draft” instead of sending it. Then I go do something else, and when I feel better I read through it again, edit, and then send (or delete). I’ve saved at least one work relationship in the past few months by not sending an angry email.

    Sixth and last: your children aren’t going while you’re working, right? Because if they are it may be unrealistic to expect to be able to do quality work around them. I’m sorry.

    1. AnonymADHD*

      *children aren’t home

      I forgot to add: snacks! Something like fruit, nuts, cereal bowls, that you can munch on throughout the day.

  34. DivergentStitches*

    I’m AuDHD and I drink chinese long leaf tea (oolong) which helps with nervous system dysregulation.

    1. Box of Rain*

      Yes! I drink chamomille tea or decaf green tea in the middle of the day for this reason!

  35. Casual observer*

    I’ve never been diagnosed but have had periods of anxiety and ADHD-like symptoms. Two things helped me. One, if you eat a “standard American” diet high in carbs and low-nutrient, processed foods that cause big blood sugar spikes, try a natural low-glycemic (generally low carb) elimination diet for awhile and take careful notes on how you feel. Nutrition matters! In the past, I wasn’t overweight or diabetic, but I could easily put away a whole bag of kettlecorn or eat a gigantic plate of pasta for dinner. I experimented with a paleo-like diet for 30 days and the difference in how I felt, both physically and emotionally, was eye-opening. (I didn’t have access to a continuous glucose monitor then, but they can be extremely helpful for self-education and insight.) Two, if you happen to take levothyroxine (Synthroid) for signs of hypothyroidism, consider asking for a natural dessicated medication instead. Doctors tend to think of levothyroxine as utterly harmless, but it’s not. Anxiety and related symptoms can be side effects. In my case, they occurred after being forced to switch to the generic version of the drug. Massive skin issues, eczema flare-ups, etc. also popped up but I only figured out it was the drug after forgetting to bring it on vacation in a place where refills weren’t available. The lack of it led to a rapid, undeniable reduction in symptoms.

  36. Carlie*

    Diagnosed late 40s, currently doing well on nonstimulant medication (generic Strattera). These are little things that help me:

    Caffeine without guilt. I stick to what I know and avoid foods/drinks with scary high amounts, but within those parameters I now refuse to feel bad about needing tea in the morning and diet soda in the afternoon etc. No more wasting brainpower beating myself up over something that actually does improve my thinking ability, and I go straight to it and don’t lose time when I know I need it.

    Mastering 15 or 20 minute rest sessions. Seriously amazing refresher for me. It’s just enough time to let all the most insistent thoughts play themselves out and get a sense of calm.

    I have a few “brain primers” that I use when I feel really scattered. Crosswords and other word games that I like. A few minutes with them helps me focus and get into thinking mode.

    Switching to physical movement and talking (while using voice to text) to get the ideas out and down and give a skeleton of what to work with.

    Pair the most outlandish sensory-assaulting thing possible with the thing I really don’t want to do and keep putting off. If I’m listening to a real headbanger of a song, the pain of replying to that email isn’t as noticable.

    1. Carlie*

      Oh, and the big one – if it’s possible to flex time, I give into it when it gets too bad. If I sit there with the work every day and get partially drained each time without any results, it just keeps cycling. But if I actually take real time to do something different for a while and then come back to it, I might have enough stamina to get through it by then. Same total time to get it done, but by building up energy and then releasing the hyperfocus rather than a slow drain with a fill that never quite makes it.

      1. Asloan*

        Yep. I feel guilty if I go take a walk when I know there’s still work to be done. But if I don’t take the walk, no work will get done at all. If I take the walk, I lose that hour of productivity yes but at least I can knock out XYZ when I get back, which wasn’t going to happen if I just kept zoning out in front of my computer trying to get myself to do something.

  37. Owl-a-roo*

    Adult-diagnosed ADHDer here – I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!!! ADHD makes it hard enough to manage your own stuff, but with three kids? That’s a lot on your shoulders.

    The basic strategy you want is to streamline as much of your life as possible so you’re making fewer decisions on a day-to-day basis. Build processes into your life so that you don’t need to consider how to handle things. This takes a bit of work up-front, but really pays off once you find something that works.

    First and foremost, do you live with anybody else or have a support system who could help you with some of the outside-of-work stuff? If you have a partner, now is the time to enlist their help in brainstorming better ways to manage your household. Shared calendars (whether it’s a wall calendar in the kitchen or a shared Google calendar) help significantly.

    Next, tackle all of your notifications on your phone. Your phone should only be reminding you of things that really matter. Texts, yes. Calendar appointment reminders, absolutely. Social media, no. After you’ve done this, you’ll be better able to rely on your phone for really important reminders.

    Work-wise, a therapist helped me realize that by keeping my email open in a separate tab on my monitor all day, I kept getting distracted from my deep focus work by less important tasks. We use Office365 at work, and I transitioned to working off of my task list instead of my email. If I need to do something, it goes on the task list. Replying to emails doesn’t count – if you flag all of your emails for reply, you’ll clutter up your task list (although flagging CAN help you remember to follow up with people for responses).

    Speaking of email: if you get a ton of emails, spend some time to create rules and folders so your main inbox isn’t impossibly full. I do a lot of project-based work, so I maintain a folder for each project in addition to a general “Read/Replied” folder. Any newsletters or auto-generated emails should get a folder (and, ideally, a rule to route them there so you can look at them later). I take two or three times per day to look at my email inbox and address everything. If I need to reply to something but don’t want to do so right now, I keep it in the inbox until it’s processed; otherwise, after it’s been read, it goes to the right folder.

    Something that helps me focus is the right kind of music. I often listen to video game music and electronic music without vocals. It shifts my brain into the right mode and helps me dig into things that I really would rather not have to deal with. This doesn’t work for everybody, but consider it if you like music at all!

    Finally: don’t be discouraged if your first streamlining attempts don’t stick! Give yourself some grace, remind yourself that the world is still turning, and try something else.

    1. Lorlye*

      Something I have going to help with this for computer work- I use a new tab extension called Momentum. it builds in many of the strategies I’ve skimmed through in the comments. it had a focus mode, which will list one of your tasks on the tab and run a pomodoro tomorrow for you to find your focus sessions. You can list those tasks directly on the site or use integrations so it’s all combined and you don’t need a million distracting tabs. You can add focus music or sounds to block out distracting sounds. It also includes blocking distracting sites, although I haven’t tried that yet! I have found that this tends to help when when I’m really struggling. Good luck!

  38. Dulcinea47*

    Being afraid about your job in a time when ::gestures at everything:: is not an ADHD symptom, it’s a symptom of living in this society. That is to say, I think it’s important to separate what you can expect from ADHD treatment/coping skills vs what is a circumstance related to being a new mother or to the world at large. Therapy can be a helpful way to do this.

    As to getting actual tasks done, I make lists. If I’m not sure what to do I make a list of what I *could* do and pick one. If there’s a high priority thing I make a list of the steps and start with the smallest one- sometimes literally opening the word document and giving it a title. “reward” yourself with a task you like or find easy. Take lots of short breaks.

    1. Eldritch Office Worker*

      “Am I experiencing (ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc) or is my nervous system just reacting to external stimuli exactly the way it’s designed to react” has been big for my ability to figure out how to regulate myself since 2020.

  39. Library Lady*

    Oooh I’m following this thread. I was told I definitively do not have adhd after being tested a few years ago when my executive functioning had taken a huge nose dive, and their only suggestions were to manage my anxiety (which I’ve done for years) and get more exercise. Since then, my executive functioning has sort of stabilized, but it’s still lower than what I need it to be and still inconsistent. Plus my husband and I want to have kids in the next couple years and I’m mildly terrified of how badly this might impact my ability to function at work. (I’m a mid-level manager.)

  40. Middle Name Jane*

    I’m not pregnant or nursing, but I have ADHD and can’t take the usual meds for other medical reasons not important here. I get how incredibly frustrating it feels to be in a job you love and want to succeed at, but ADHD symptoms are getting in the way.

    I also tried Trello and abandoned it. I’ve had a little success with Asana, but not always. I do better with a paper to do list that I can check off as I go, paired with Outlook reminders for time-sensitive tasks and due dates. To keep from getting overwhelmed by the brain dump that is my paper list, I open to a new page and at the top, I write “Distilled To Do” and then write down 1 of the tasks I need to do from my big list. I do it. Then it gets marked off in both places, then I write another single task. If I’m only looking at 1 thing at a time, then it helps me focus. If I’m working on something and I’m waiting for someone to get back to me or whatever, then I use a red pen and go to the task on my big list and put something like “sent on 4/2”.

    I haven’t used it in awhile, but some people swear by the pomodoro technique where you set a timer for 20-25 minutes to work on something, then you take a 5-10 minute break. You can use a kitchen timer or an app.

    Also, there are a lot of resources at additudemag dot com.

    I still struggle with procrastination on certain kinds of work, though. It’s a daily fight with my brain, but I’m aware and try to work with it.

  41. Fellow ADHD recipient*

    Sometimes the dosage of Adderall needs to be increased from the original dose, but tolerance doesn’t continue to build. Depending upon your current dose, maybe you just need to increase it further and you’ll find it continue to be effective.

    If you have a competent psychiatrist, they should be able to provide guidance.

    (Source: I’ve taken Adderall for over a decade and it still works for me. my dose has been as high as 60 mg/day, though I currently take 40. When I first started, I only took 5 mg and the effect was then very noticeable.)

  42. Kermit's Bookkeepers*

    Hello! I received an ADHD diagnosis as an adult and currently work in an office setting in a position that requires tracking a lot of ongoing projects with multiple stakeholders and frequently re-structuring my day around late-breaking urgent priorities. Like you, my ADHD diagnosis made sense of a lot of things I’d been struggling with throughout my life, and I still feel like I’m just beginning to understand how to have a handle on these things. While I don’t think I’m having anything approaching a neurotypical level of focus these days, the following things have significantly improved my ability to concentrate on a task for sustained amounts of time, and more importantly to transition between tasks that are not inherently urgent, novel, or externally motivated in the ways that generally work for me:

    1) Talk to your doctor about Lion’s Mane and Gingko Biloba. I started taking a “functional mushroom” supplement that’s designed to enhance focus and features both of those ingredients, and it had a significant effect on my ability to initiate tasks I don’t want to do. (This is not medical advice, your mileage may vary, talk to your doctor.) Now I’m able to acknowledge that I have no interest in doing the thing I’m supposed to be doing and START ANYWAY, which is a huge win.

    2) Talk to your doctor about Creatine. This supplement mostly shows up recommended for performance in the gym (increased strength, faster recovery, muscles that retain more water and therefore look bigger), but there’s evidence suggesting that it supports cognitive function as well. In my own experience, I have seen a significant increase in my ability to stay locked in on a task since beginning to supplement with it. (Have I mentioned you should talk to your doctor?)

    3) Consider birth control. This one is weird, but when I started taking a progestin-only birth control supplement, my brain got much quieter. Please talk to your doctor about this before taking medical advice from a stranger on the internet.

    4) Okay, we’re done advising medical and pseudo-medical things to put into your body. Unfortunately, we’re at the part where I tell you that a healthy diet and exercise really do help. Regular resistance training (as opposed to cardio) and a high protein diet (and I’m not talking bodybuilder levels of protein, just making sure it’s the star of every meal I eat) have also improved my ability to stay focused on an ongoing task, plus they have improved my sleep patterns and energy levels.

    5) Lists. I know that if lists were the answer, nobody would have ADHD, but hear me out: I use small, disposable feeling notebooks that are easy to fill up and that I don’t mind losing (Field Notes or similar are great for this) — filling them up quickly gives me a sense of accomplishment, and picking out a new one in cute color gives me a shot of dopamine from the novelty that makes it easy to sustain the habit. I weaponize my writing implements this way as well, and have gotten really into trying out new pencils to find the “best” one. As for the lists themselves, every day I open a new two-page spread and list things I need to do everyday or almost every day on the left (Shower, Meds, Skincare, 20 Minute Walk, 30 Minutes Reading, etc) and one-off to-dos on the right. (I actually have a whole separate, much bigger and nicer notebook that uses the same structure but only for work tasks, which is great because it leaves me with a daily log of things I’ve accomplished in a day and I can easily flip back through it to see when I last worked on a specific thing or whatever — and I’ve also used it to keep a dated record of things that have happened at work that I might want to escalate if they turn into patterns). When I catch myself staring into space, I bring my attention back to the list, add things, cross them out, draw little icons to prioritize, write down something I’ve already done and cross it off, and usually I come up for air with one thing I can start doing.

    6) Sneak up on/break down the task until you reach a size that’s manageable. I know this is pretty classic advice for minimizing task overwhelm, but I only recently caught on to the fact that there are no points deducted for breaking your task down to the smallest possible level until it’s extremely easy to do. If the task is to send an email and that feels too big, I can at least open my email client and stare at it for a bit. Great. Gold star. I still don’t want to send the email, but at least I can open a blank email window. Success, I’m doing great. I still don’t want to write the email, but I can start writing a nonsense draft that I won’t actually send to anyone. At some point in all of this, I will get over the hump of Doing the Boring Thing and it will actually start getting done. Some days I have to start as small as telling myself to put my fingers on the keyboard, but it works.

    I am no expert on the way that ADHD functions in the brain (not even my brain specifically), but all of these habits together have significantly improved the quality of my work and the quality of my life. Hope this helps!

    1. WhatAMaroon*

      Building on this very interesting comment, most of the studies show increased consistent exercise is the most effective thing you can do for ADHD that’s not medication. I’m also a newish parent in basically the same boat as you and I’m struggling so hard to make the time. What’s been working for me is to take one or two meetings as walking meetings if I can (esp town halls or information meetings) or just blocking of 30 minutes in the morning. If you walk fast enough you can get your heart rate up. It’s the most meaningful thing that’s helped me.

      I’ve personally had very sub-optimal reactions to the majority of medications frequently used for ADHD treatment so I’ve spent a lot of time on developing coping mechanisms. It’s hard and it’s totally fair you’re having a hard time! Sending all the vibes that you figure out a way forward!

      1. Ellis Bell*

        Just 15 minutes of yoga on weekdays makes a world of difference to me. Exercising for ADHD is not training for the Olympics. Every little helps!

        1. Kermit's Bookkeepers*

          This! Don’t let the perfectionism that comes with ADHD for a lot of us (together with the terrible memories of school gym classes) deter you, it really is just about finding a way to make your body stronger than it was yesterday using a method you enjoy.

    2. VinnieVinnyVee*

      I always hated hearing people recommend exercise for mental health stuff but honestly it’s been so helpful for my ADHD. It helps slow my brain down enough where I’m not jumping around but can focus on each task (for the most part–it’s not a perfect cure but it helps). And it helps me remember to eat which is great because without intense exercise I tend to not notice hunger signals until I’m hangry (that’s unmedicated–the right dose of medication actually makes me feel hungrier).

      I’ve been mostly unmedicated, though did take medication briefly for a time. Exercise both made the medication more effective (had to actually reduce the dosage when I was biking to work) and helps me in managing my brain without medication (my current situation). It’s hard, especially since I moved and can no longer bike to work and I need a new gym, but it makes a huge difference for me. Any way I can build movement into my day, especially if it involves intense cardio or weightlifting, is useful.

      1. Kermit's Bookkeepers*

        I also very much hated people recommending exercise for my mental health concerns back before I was actually seeking help for them. In my case, this turned out to be because I needed medication to get me to a healthy mental baseline from which exercise can actually take effect. (I initially sought mental health treatment for depression and anxiety, which are very common comorbidities with the ADHD diagnosis that came much, much later). All of which is to say, if you’re not the OP but you’re also looking for help and medication is an option for you, you may need that for some of the other things on this list to work!

    3. anonymous adhder*

      3 is not weird! I have a slight hormone imbalance, was on bcp for that, had to go off it for unrelated reasons, then got diagnosed with ADHD. I was already on antidepressants for depression.

      See also the lack of research on women and ADHD because “it only affects adolescent hyperactive boys” so why would they study women and girls or other genders??? (ugggggh)

      1. Antelope4*

        Could some of this be side effects from your current birth control? If you are on a new type of birth control, it can be so tricky to separate the effects of post-partum, nursing, lack of sleep, and the birth control itself.

    4. Indolent Libertine*

      My Goldilocks pencil is the Blackwing 602. It’s the silver/gray one, the medium level of hardness. The black ones are too soft and they can smear easily and don’t hold a point long enough for me, and the white “Pearl” ones are too hard.

  43. PlainJane*

    It was such a relief to get the diagnosis (at 55). It explained a lot.

    But what it doesn’t do is fix it. I’m not medicated either. Knowing the problem is certainly part of the battle–you know you’re having an executive function crash out, not being lazy, and that’s a big thing. Despite getting your diagnosis recently, you’ve been dealing with it for a while, so you can judge whether or not these ideas work for you.

    1. Set mini-deadlines. If I look at something and see, “Oh, that’s due in two months,” then it is basically never due. If something is due *tomorrow*, on the other hand, I’ll work like a demon even if it’s boring. Can you split your report into sections and promise the sections to your team at X time? For me, that sets off the loop of, “I have to talk to Giles about this in the morning, so I need to get my ducks in a row.” (For other people, deadlines don’t work. For me, they’re a dopamine hit.)

    2. For the appointments, multiple alarms and alerts. Not so many that you start ignoring them, but I’d say one two days ahead of time to make sure you have time to cancel anything you accidentally scheduled against it, and the other two hours ahead of time to get the kiddos ready for the doctor.

    3. Whatever you *can* automate, do. Having autopay on my regular bills has been a game changer.

    Things that didn’t work for me:
    To-do lists (aka, “Look, a doodle pad!”)
    Flow calendars, where you put all the steps of a task out on different days. This worked for one month. Then I looked up in October and realized that I still had the July calendar pinned to my wall.
    Berating myself and going into a doom spiral. Your letter looks like you’re headed there. Take a deep breath. Entertain the worst catastrophic outcome, then ask yourself, “Is this likely? Can I do anything about it? What immediate steps are in my power to take?”

  44. Marie*

    This is not going to radically reshape your brain, but us ADHDers absolutely NEED protein in the morning to give our brains enough energy to keep working after whatever carbohydrate/immediate energy is depleted. I started making breakfast burritos with a protein tortilla (14g protein on top of the egg/meat/cheese) and I stopped crashing at 10-11am and get a few more hours of productivity. Now I keep protein bars on hard for mornings without enough time/executive functioning to cook.

    Seconding Not An AI Bro on using Claude to outsource the executive functioning tasks. You have to manage your bandwidth and using your limited mental energy to do stuff Claude can do is a waste of the precious amount of mental juice you have in a day.

    With writing specifically during the “high strung lots of thoughts” part of ADHD, I will open up a doc and just start typing. No formatting, no stopping to check a source, just keep typing. If you only get half a thought out before the next one comes, hit “enter” and start a new line. Just keep writing as the thoughts come so you can get it out of your brain and onto the doc. When your brain is a bit quieter, go back and finish those thoughts into full sentences. Then open a new doc and start copy-pasting your sentences there. Rearrange the singular thoughts into paragraphs that flow; if you’re like me you’ll find a lot of repetition of concepts/points, so you can pick the best one and delete the rest. Rinse and repeat until the body is done, then start worrying about formatting and references or whatever else you have to do to get it “work product ready”.

    Last thing: you don’t mention anything about outside of work support. If you can, ask the people in your life for help. Save as much of your brain for work as you can. If your co-parent is in your life, deputize them to be the grocery shopper and list maker. Ask a close family member or good friend to be the baby appt schedule person so they can call you 30 mins before you need to leave or something. Set up auto shipment on stuff you need so you don’t have to remember to keep track of how many baby wipes you have and remember to order more.

    Wishing you the best during this tough season of life, please update us if you feel like it.

  45. Emma*

    Something that isn’t directly going to get you on task but has totally changed my life: Do you think you have demand avoidance? (Sometimes referred to as PDA, “pathological demand avoidance” or “persistent drive for autonomy”). I do, and it means that in certain circumstances, more pressure means I get paralysed and can’t do anything. The amount of pressure you’re perceiving in your current situation (this is the only job that would meet your needs, if you make a mistake you will never get a contract again, etc.) would also stop me from being able to do anything.

    PDA is a bit annoying to work with because it makes some things literally impossible for me, but recognising when it’s kicking in and stopping me from doing the things I know I need to and want to do has helped me sometimes counteract it. If I can say to myself, “Oh, I can’t do that task because of demand avoidance” I can either work to reduce the perceived pressure or acknowledge the perceived pressure but explicitly decide that I do want to do the thing and then make progress.

    Something else that helps me is ignoring all the “eat the frog”/”do the hard thing first” advice because that is exactly the kind of approach that exacerbates my demand avoidance. I have to treat myself gently and make lots of allowances. This looks like promising myself I only have to open the document and then I can stop or take a break if I need to, or I only have to commit to working on the thing for 10 minutes, and doing as much as I can to gently transition into working. Sometimes I put an episode of something easy to watch but not too engaging on one screen to get myself to sit at my desk, and/or make my favourite breakfast or a particularly nice coffee, wear my pyjamas if that’s comfier, set up a body-doubling meeting with someone or ask to discuss the next steps with someone, anything that eases me in. (It took a long time of learning myself to find these strategies and they might not be the right ones for you but I hope they illustrate the point.) Then if I open the document or do my ten minutes and I really can’t keep going, I’m allowed to stop. Then I might have a shower or go outside and breathe some fresh air or get a snack and try again later. But it has to be really true that it’s okay to stop if I really can’t do more, and I have to believe that’s true, to take the pressure off. Often, what actually happens is I do open the document or do my ten minutes and then I get absorbed and keep going, or I have the chat with someone about what I need to do next and I notice that I have a list of 5 things but one is more sparkly than the others and then I do that one. This can be with a friend or a colleague, doesn’t really matter. And when I notice that I really can’t do something in the time agreed, I have a conversation with the person who has the power to give me permission to take longer or give me some help. Often just exercising my agency over the situation and having permission from that person relieves enough pressure that I get reinvigorated, but if it doesn’t, that’s fine, I secured the extension or got extra help or even just commiserated with the person that it is indeed a tough task, or whatever the outcome was.

    But even if you don’t have demand avoidance, I think something that really stood out to me is that you’re feeling like you’ve got no room for error and being slower but you’re in a situation that just creates errors or being slower. Two small kids with a lot of health things, your own health things, and a new ADHD diagnosis is hard! People understand that and you might be holding yourself to a much higher standard than anyone else is holding you to. It might be that you weren’t invited to the new project not because they don’t want you but because they know you’re juggling so many things and don’t need yet another thing to juggle right now.

    All the very best with all the things you’re currently juggling and I hope there’s some latitude to drop some or get some help soon.

    1. Ellis Bell*

      What you say about “eat the frog” is very insightful and I think everyone has to experiment with it. For me I can do eat the frog if it’s under 15 minutes, but if it’s more it’s not getting done, especially not first.

  46. Late ADHD Diagnosed*

    I haven’t read through all the previous comments yet, so apologies if I’m repeating anything.

    I’m a late diagnosed woman too (diagnosed at 52) and it can be so challenging to find balance and deal with all the things around ADHD. Medication can be challenging – it took me over a year and a half to get to the combination I’m on, and my family doc apologized for my having to be a guinea pig with a lot of this. And everyone responds differently to medications, so what some folks are suggesting here for specific meds may not work for you. Trial and error.

    There are a lot of options for supports: Goblin Tools (mentioned above), online body doubling, pomodoro timers (some great ones on YouTube). My biggest tool is my multitude of to do lists, along with a bullet journal. Having something in front of me (paper) vs on a screen is more helpful to me — if I don’t have it in front of me and I can see it, it’s easy for me to forget it exists. I am also starting to put reminders in my work calendar so I get nudges to do things when I’m supposed to.

    Tea is also helpful. I know caffeine has a different effect on ADHDers, so a couple cups a day helps me out.

    Finding a counsellor who specializes in ADHD is also helpful. I used an ADHD coach for a bit – was helpful for providing me with some tools, but stepped away from them because they got to telling me what to do vs letting me figure things out with information to get to the decision (RSD and demand avoidance).

    Hope some of this is useful to you. I’m going to go back through all the comments now and collect other suggestions that may be interesting tools to try out.

    Good luck, OP!

  47. Eep*

    I hear you putting a LOT of pressure on yourself here, which i do too, with similarly counterproductive results. For me, one thing that works to turn the pressure down is to commit to writing drafts of everything. If I’m overwhelmed have just by the thought of writing an email? Make myself draft it, with permission to not press send til later. Can’t open the file for the paper I’m working on? Draft a few paragraphs in a different app. Basically i need to stop fixating on how overwhelming my todo list is, and just lean into the fact that if i make progress every day then eventually things move into the “done” pile.

  48. Marieke*

    I just bought a brick and it added hours to my life! No other blocking thing has ever worked and this does!
    Also writing down ehat I did list instead of to dos helsp a bit aswell as telling my partner or a friend my main projective/ most likely to procrastinate goal at start of day or week and then have to report back. Still struggle….

  49. Helper*

    Goblin tools is great. You can also break down the tasks on paper calendars or to do lists.

    Also calendar reminders, analog and digital. Take advantage of email and text alerts for appointments from your service providers. Even if it means that you’re “finding out” (read: reminded) one or two days before and having to scramble coverage a little at least you’re not finding out after the fact.

    Chunk your day on your calendar. From x-x you’re writing, from y-y you’re researching, and so on. You don’t have to allow for unexpected events, you just slot them in and readjust your original time. This also works because you can over-estimate how long something is going to take and then you have extra time for something else or you can under-estimate how long something is going to take and really hammer away at it in a panic as our brains are often wont to do.
    (not a typo, “wont” means accustomed, used to, or inclined to do something, and is often used to describe a habitual or typical behaviour of a person/thing)

    Jump on helping tasks that take a few minutes from colleagues. At my work people will ask for help with a task or editing a thing and I try to be one of first ones to respond. This serves two purposes: 1. Small time crunched task that I can use to get away from other work that I have to do but I don’t want to but it’s still work and makes my brain happy which can energize it to want to actually do the work I’m supposed to be doing, and 2. makes me look good (makes people like me) to my peers and management because I’m helping support the team so it bolsters my reputation collegially and managerially as a helper/team-player.

    Try to increase your physical activity. There is research that shows physical activity reduces symptoms of ADHD (inattention, impulsivity, hyperactivity) and increases executive function abilities. It also leads to better mood and sleep which also helps you in general as well as with ADHD symptoms.

    1. Thursday Funday*

      I second the “chunking your day on your calendar* I have been in my job for years and just recently figured out I could create a 2nd secret calendar that only I can see. the official calendar is for coworkers to see my availability and block out meetings but my personal one is just for me – allowing so much freedom to block out a two hour period of time to tackle a project – or remind me of any little thing (so my official calendar isn’t full of private meetings/times) . I also made my new calendar pink so that it makes me smile to use it.

  50. AnonAdmin*

    Hi! I had a baby three years ago at 36 and was taken off of Adderall during my pregnancy and while nursing. I feel your pain so acutely. My doctor put me on Wellbutrin for a while, which is an anti-depressant but can work a bit like a stimulant. It helped some, if that is an option for you!

    My time at work unmedicated was a disaster. There was a week while I was 8 months along that my boss couldn’t tell me if I was being fired for a huge mistake I made. I stopped eating, I was constantly depressed, I started having panic attacks every morning. My reputation was gone. I think they were honestly relieved when I finally went on maternity leave (the day after I unknowingly exposed everyone to COVID – I was beloved, truly).

    All this to say, here are a few things that did help me keep my job for another year after that (I was able to leave on my own terms and find a much better fit!)

    – Body doubling, preferably with someone in person. Tell them exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. LET YOUR SCREEN BE IN THEIR FIELD OF VISION (V. IMPORTANT)
    – Therapy, especially EMDR. This helped in dealing with the shame, guilt, and embarrassment from my worst moments, and helped lessen their triggering of panic attacks and anxiety.
    – Being open and honest with not only my psychiatrist and therapist, but my OB AND my child’s pediatrician. They are all much more aware and on the lookout for mother’s health postpartum, and all of them were helpful with my spiraling ADHD and the severe postpartum depression that was triggered when I stopped breastfeeding. (You should also be aware and on the lookout for this – the drop in hormones after weaning can trigger PPD, often later than people say you need to worry about it)
    – Being ruthless about what actually needed to be done and what didn’t.
    – I swapped my desk around so my screen was visible from the hallway.
    – Setting rewards for accomplishing certain tasks, EXCEPT I was not in charge of giving myself the reward – I’d have to show someone else the completed work to get it (most often my husband or my sister). If I put myself in charge of rewards, I can talk myself into getting it even if nothing was done.
    – Listening to the same music (no lyrics) when trying to be in “work mode.” Eventually the music would help trigger the mindset. Put on the Assassin’s Creed Black Flag soundtrack, and I’m going to kill whatever boring task it is.
    – Don’t focus on how many hours were worked, focus on what was completed. I got so stuck in the shame mindset of “I only did this many hours the last two days” that I wouldn’t see that I had gotten done what I needed to. I’d also get stuck on “if I could actually focus for as long as everyone else, I’d get so much more done” – this season, it’s just about getting the tasks done that are required. Next season, or even the season after, I could try being a rock star.

    You’ve got this. No matter what happens, you will get through it. This is a medical event – you wouldn’t expect someone with broken hands to type as fast as before. You are not your mistakes – they just prove you are human.

    And you are a loved human.

  51. Cat on a Keyboard*

    Just wanted to note that I recently told my psych that Adderall suddenly stopped working, and she said sometimes a certain brand or generic just doesn’t work the same. Your pharmacy will switch between sources without notifying you. I got a fresh prescription and it’s helping me like it was before. Dramatic emails could definitely be a side effect of too MUCH Adderall when you raise your dose because it’s not helping you Do The Thing. Watch out for that.

    Unfortunately for non-medication strategies, kindness and patience with yourself really are key. Let folks know you’re under the weather and X consequence (may be slower to respond, need to push deadline back, etc) because you ARE dealing with a health condition flare up. I know it might be impossible but if there’s a way you can take time fully away from the baby and the work, like for an afternoon hike, it will help manage that grinding, crushing, spiraling anxiety of trying to make yourself Do Thing. For the same reason have a cutoff time where you stop trying to work. Forcing yourself to Do Thing is exhausting and if you remove boundaries around when you have to do that, you will suffer a lot (ask me how I know). You NEED brain off-leash time !!! You absolutely 100% need time when you’re not trying to work, organize, manage logistics, remember things, do tasks, focus. For me it’s hiking, walking, or listening to a podcast and puttering around the house tidying in an inefficient and meandering way (I Must Complete This Checklist -type housework does not count as Brain Off-Leash time).
    – Spend time in nature
    – Exercise!!!! (I cannot imagine how it would be possible to exercise regularly with a baby but it really is the closest thing to a miracle cure).
    – anything you do to reduce stress. the stress makes it so, so much worse.
    – take your laptop to a different location. the living room couch, kitchen table, coffee shop nearby. Tell yourself I will do X task in Y location. You’ve gotta get out of that staring at the screen with nothing started zone… once you start it will get much easier to keep going.
    – you know when you’re trying to get a kid to eat peas and you say “One more bite before desert” (idk if people do this anymore don’t come @ me!) I will tell myself I only have to Do Thing for one hour and then I can have whatever small reward… snack, lay on the ground for 10 minutes, whatever. Usually once I start I get engrossed and spend more than an hour. but if you only do one hour, hey that’s one hour of progress that you didn’t have before.
    You’re managing more Stuff than any human evolved to manage. Take care of yourself as best you can, rooting for you.

  52. Former academic*

    Full disclosure: undiagnosed; former tenured faculty, now industry researcher; have given birth.

    I found the book “getting things done” really helpful to me when I was dissertating. Everything I needed to do went on a post it; the post it went on the wall above my desk in a row ordered by urgency. Anything that was waiting on input from someone else (a draft that had to be revised after my advisor commented; analysis that I needed to do once the data collection finished) had a ‘waiting’ column. Anything that took less than 5 minutes just got done when I thought of it. As a faculty member, this went onto a simple trello board because I needed something that I could access whether I was at home or in my office.

    I also really have liked the Pomodoro method (and the “Pomello” extension for trello), where you set a timer for a manageable but meaningful time block (~20 minutes), and work on ONE thing for that amount of time. Then you set a timer for a break and do NOT work. Then you set a timer for your next block. After a certain number of work blocks, you get a long break.

    Also, pick a calendaring system you like, and EVERYTHING time dependent goes in that one place. Do you have to complete pre-visit paperwok? On the calendar. Do you need to check every week that there are enough diapers at daycare? Calendar.

    Finally, I went through a traumatic loss when I was in a leadership role in my department that really made it hard to keep my head above water, and being honest about my need for grace was hugely helpful. I think there can be a benefit to saying to someone like the contact who called out your email, “this is a difficult season for me, I am not at the level I expect of myself, I am actively working on it, I appreciate both your patience and your willingness to hold me accountable.”

    Finally, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Get enough sleep [I know that’s easier said than done with a baby!], try to eat well, do something to move your body in a way you enjoy (yoga, walk, swim, whatever). You are doing several very hard things at once.

  53. Red*

    Ok undiagnosed ADHD but I’m like 95% positive I have it: It sounds like you need rest first and foremost. Is there anyway you can take a weekend away from work and your baby and just sleep and pamper yourself? (At one they should be good with breastmilk in a bottle for a couple days).
    Then second you need something for your brain to hook into to eat up the adhd distraction monster. I like to put on music or podcasts or work in a busy area so when my distraction monster starts to pull my attention I can tune it onto that stuff so I can continue to focus instead of going ‘oh let me check my phone’ and then 8 hours go by with nothing done.
    Also try a tomato clock. I use this app that parses time into like 25 min blocks. I don’t use it like I’m supposed to really but just having the visual reminder that time is passing (pieces of the tomato disappear every 5 mins) helps remind me that time is passing.

    Lastly I’d check and see if there was a way to offload some of your domestic tasks (like the appointments) to family or close friends so they don’t eat so much bandwidth. And if you have WFH friends see if they’ll ‘be with you’ even if it’s just through zoom or whatever. I find having a ‘witness’ to me working helps keep me on task. Oh and if it helps I find that sometimes I can’t do something for myself but if it’s for another team member I suddenly can do it all, maybe reframe your work in that way. You aren’t doing it for yourself but rather you’re doing it for whoever the deliverable is for.

    Good Luck OP! I hope you get through this time with minimal negative impact. (And congrats on your baby!)

  54. J the procrastinator*

    It’s so funny (/sad), I’m a very-recently diagnosed woman in my late thirties who has been thinking about writing in about ADHD issues for the past few weeks (and haven’t gotten around to it yet). I’ve been reading this site for 10+ years trying desperately to address my chronic issues with procrastination and task avoidance, with very little success. I have an advanced degree, I’m well-established and well-respected at work, and I always feel like the ground is about to crumble away underneath me. I’ve also accidentally ended up in a project management role where (like you) I’m supposed to drive other people’s timelines, which is awful when I can’t even manage my own. And I’m also facing Trump funding cuts and very worried about how my dysfunction will affect my ability to find a new job in the current landscape.

    I’ve been on Vyvanse for the past month, and am feeling more hopeful than I have in years, but very much still struggling with all the same things, so I’ll be watching this post closely. I’m very far from having any solutions, but a few thoughts:

    – Cold Turkey is by far the best blocker I’ve ever found, it can set scheduled blocks, you can categorize different groups of websites and different access rules (“can’t open at all”, “can only open between time X and time Y”, “can open for 15 minutes total a day”) and it can block programs on your computer as well as the internet. It’s pretty foolproof, the only way I’ve found to bypass is to uninstall. It’s a bit expensive up front, but no subscription required.

    – This is probably not best practice, but I am highly motivated by starting new organizational systems. Setting up a new system (say, switching from Trello to Todoist, or trying out a paper planner) makes me feel optimistic (maybe this is the one that will fix me!) and interested, and I find that (in the short term) both of those feelings sometimes translate to my work. I also tend to get overwhelmed by tasks piling up over time, so the reset is helpful. Since starting meds I’m having more luck maintaining a system (Todoist) than I ever have before, but for most of my career constantly changing systems was the only thing that worked for me.

    – Non-urgent, disliked tasks are the absolute worst (especially academic papers, because they also feel emotionally-tasking and reflective of self-worth), and meds are not helping me much here either. I think it’s partly because it’s not just ADHD that’s the problem, it’s ADHD + a whole lifetime of not trusting myself to work + really high expectations for what the paper should be + fear/guilt/shame -> avoidance. I’m working with a therapist to both try and be more aware of my internal thoughts around this kind of work, and to increase my ability to coexist with (rather than avoid) the discomfort. Recognizing the role of ADHD in creating this pattern in my life has been really helpful, especially at reducing some of the awful shame I’ve always felt, but I’m realizing that I need to address these feelings on their own as well.

    – A lot of people (wisely) recommend picking three (or fewer) things that you’ll accomplish each day, and even if you don’t do anything else, at least you’ll have gotten those. This has always been hard for me, because I struggle to keep promises to myself, and I hover between highly ambitious optimism and defeated avoidance. Picking a bare minimum task feels awful to me (“surely I can do more than that”), but if I pick an ambitious task I’m likely to end up failing, and further hurting my confidence in myself.

    What’s helped me is setting different task levels, which lets me keep things manageable without crushing my ambition. So if the tasks I want to pick for a day are 1) write the introduction to the paper, and 2) clear my inbox, I’ll set them as: 1a) open the paper and write one sentence in the introduction; 1b) work on the introduction for 10 minutes; 1c) work on the introduction for 1 hour; 2a) draft one email, flag anything urgent; 2b) respond to all urgent emails; 2c) answer as many emails as I can in 45 min. Etc. The (a) version of the task has to be so easy that you have no excuse to not do it – even if you procrastinated all day, you can do it in under 5 min at 4:55 and keep your promise to yourself. It lowers the barrier to entry, which often lets me get started and get going, but having the b/c upgrades means that I don’t feel like a failure for setting the minimum standard.

    I also sometimes make myself a little weekly chart and track how many times I did *at least* the (a) version of the task, which keeps me going.

    Sorry, this comment is way too long, this is something I think about a lot – I really empathize with you, and hope we’re both able to make improvements.

    1. rachaelly*

      Came here to recommend Cold Turkey! They don’t have a version for mobile devices but boy does it do a good job on my laptop. The free version is quite robust but I bought the paid version and it was so worth it—I highly recommend.

      Wishing you and the letter writer luck in finding your feet <3

  55. Town Hall*

    OP, I feel you. I was recently diagnosed at the age of 61. Yes you read that right, 61.

    First of all for anybody reading this, I think it’s OK to do a little bit of grieving for things that you lost to the ADHD monster.

    On to practical tips:
    -I’ma visual person and I use paper sometimes so I tend to put it in clear plastic folders. I used to get a little OCD about labeling the folders, which then prevented me from being very effective, so I take a piece of washi tape and write on the outside of the folder the name of the project that is inside. I use cute washi tape, because that’s one of my motivators. (if something looks ugly, I just can’t!)

    -I use the Finch app… This is the best app I’ve ever used in my life! Can’t recommend it highly enough! It’s easy to add an item to do, it’s easy to snooze it or schedule it for another day, and you get a little dopamine hit when you complete a task. I don’t forget what I need to do anymore because it just goes right into the Finch app and it takes me two seconds to write it up. (I was always losing to do lists on paper.)

    -I have had a terrible mess in my house. My dad got sick, I had to care for him, and the depression and the stress just led me to a disaster area of a house. I now break down all my tasks into small projects. I will clean out the corner of the room, never the whole room at once. I take a picture of the corner, I uploaded to a little file on my phone called “small projects” and I check them off my list. I remember the projects and I add them to my Finch list! It feels great to get a small thing done!

    -One big blocker for me is that I hate to throw things away. If it can be recycled or donated, I feel much better about it. Look up ways to recycle everything. You can even recycle old appliances. Just look this up in your town. There are also great guides to recycling everything.

    -as far as work, I’m a little bit old-school. I make a Microsoft Word document that is essentially a table I put the project name in the top row and then all the to-do’s, under that. I keep this on my hard drive. And I back it up. I enjoy highlighting over things that I have completed. This also helps me when I need to tell my boss what I did that week and my one-on-one meeting.

    -as far as calendars go, I will look at my calendar the day before to see what’s coming up. This sounds very simple, but it’s a game changer for me. I use the Microsoft Outlook calendar for everything. I use my work version of this, but if it’s a private appointment, I just mark it as such.

    -I highly recommend setting little alarms on your phone. We ADHDers, as you know, I can get in the zone and then you blow right past a meeting.

    -I think good communication with your colleagues is key. Keep people updated on projects and make that part of your to do list. My theory is that if people know you’re working on it, they are fine.

    I hope this helps and I wish you a lot of luck. I do take the medication now and it has been a game changer. I take Vyvanse. GOOD LUCK!!!

  56. IBCLC*

    Hi! I’m an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) and I highly, highly recommend giving the Infant Risk Center at Texas Tech a call to discuss possible medications. They are a lab that studies drugs in breastmilk, and publish the gold standard guide for practitioners. They have a FREE warmline that is staffed by a nurse, and they could help you walk through the risks and benefits of various medications. https://www.infantrisk.com/infantrisk-center-resources

    Physicians are often incredibly under-educated about how drugs behave in breastmilk; they get very little training on breastfeeding and will by default just say a drug isn’t able to be taken while feeding because they feel it’s easier to err on the side of caution. There are vanishingly few truly contraindicated drugs and for the most part it’s things like street drugs, chemo drugs, and some very strong anti-psychotics. I know ADHD meds may need to have the risks/benefits weighed — but that’s why talking to someone knowledgable about the breastmilk interactions would be helpful so you can make an informed decision.

    This is not meant to be taken as medical advice, but in my experience, I suspect there is more available that would be safe to take, especially with an older baby who is not a newborn.

    Also, as someone who at 45 is coming to terms with my own likely ADHD, I really empathize!! I hope you can get this sorted out to get the help you need.

  57. Cat on a Keyboard*

    Oh also Chillhop and Low-fi music is lyricless, upbeat, and repetitive and it soothes my brain in a certain kind of way when I really need to buckle down. Chill hop has probably saved my job a bunch of times.

  58. Lee Plum*

    “I did initially get on some rapid-release Adderall, taken just for work as needed (the only thing I can take while still nursing, since it gets out of my system fast enough between feedings”

    Just fyi to discuss with a medical professional, the Adderall IR might be out of your system by the time you are feeding, but it is in your system while you are producing milk. I advise you to talk to a professional who understands how much of your medication is present in your milk. Typically, it’s a very small amount, you should look for accurate data.
    If you personally are extremely risk-averse and do not want any medication at all in your milk, then even the IR will be incompatible with that goal. If the risk aversion is coming entirely from your doctor, and you can tolerate a small amount of risk from medication in your milk then it may be that you can go back to the XR at a lower dose if that manages your symptoms better.

  59. Frosty*

    I am medicated but medication isn’t the be-all for a lot of us. I still have to create systems to function at my best.

    A few things that really work for me:

    * Todoist webpage/app – this is a “to do” list but you can attach deadlines, make it repeateable, give things subtasks. There is a paid tier but I use the free tier and it’s got tons of functionality.

    * Timers and reminders – I use my apps on my phone to have all sorts of reminders. The second I think of something, I’ll try to put it somewhere in my phone. I don’t know what kind of phone you have but I’m sure all models have something similar. In Apple, the reminder app has a lot of detail – you can have a reminder go off when you leave a certain location (for example). Last week I had it remind me to go buy cat food when I left church.

    * For personal inbox zero, I make sure my gmail has tons of filters so only the essentials actually hit my inbox. I do NOT need to see shopping or promotions. If you reduce the “noise” in your inbox, then getting an email will be more urgent because you know it means something.

    Try not to set reminders that recurr too frequently – its easy to dismiss a reminder if it’s every day at 3pm if its always the same. If you find yourself snoozing a reminder too often, try to find a different way to trigger the thing you need.

    I have a lot of this stuff… I’ll try to come back and add more if I think of it.

    1. Frosty*

      I think one of the key things to remember is that reading through all of these responses, you’ll see a lot of people that say “XYZ didn’t work for me” and then the next person says “XYZ changed my life I love it”.

      With ADHD, just keep trying new things until something works. Then if/when it stops working, start cycling through again.

      My best generic advice might be to dig into the ideas for depth. A “reminder” can really be a lot of different things – on paper, digital, aural, physical, timing based, etc. And this can apply to all sorts of ideas.

    2. Frosty*

      Oh another thing I find extremely helpful. With ChatGPT, it has a really fantastic voice-to-text engine, and captures what I say much better than other apps (or even just my phone).

      I will open up ChatGPT and then do a huge info dump any time I’m feeling stress about organizing my day. I get executive dysfunction really badly at times, and then I get kind of frozen not sure what to do next or what order to do things in and waste a lot of time like that.

      I’ll just start rambling into the app, talking about what I need to do that day and how I think the tasks will break down. I’ll list things that I think might cause problems or if I think that A needs to happen before B. Truly just let your ADHD flag fly and ramble into the app.

      Working it out verbally is really important, but with ADHD I find I can’t really remember what I said if I just stand and talk to myself.

      But then I ask the app “Can you make a schedule for today based on what I just said. I want to start at 9am and be done by 4pm” and it will spit out a schedule for you. You can ask it to make adjustments, or even just say “can you give this to me in a format I can copy into my notes app” so you can work from that.

      It’s not doing any thinking for you, it’s really acting like an executive assistant that you give orders to. I can’t emphasize enough how helpful this is for me. I use it all the time. Being able to have something track what I’m saying outloud and then reflect it back to me in an organized manner is life changing.

  60. Atomic Tangerine*

    Whew! Please cut yourself some slack. You are handling what would be a lot for a neurotypical person. No shame.

    That said, I know work’s gotta get done. Here are some ideas:

    The Eisenhower square is a tool I use when I’m overwhelmed. You can look it up but the basic idea is you sort things into categories based on importance and urgency in a simple grid. I then circle the top three things I must get done today.

    I like a little Minecraft for stress relief. Currently I have a long, tedious task open on my computer. It’s sitting right there and X amount needs to get done before I can open the game. Also, I use a timer on my phone to make sure I don’t play for hours and hours. These rules are non negotiable in my head.

    I control my environment when I can (eliminate distractions and especially temptations).

    Do you have the resources to delegate some things or recruit an accountability buddy? Hiring out some things like errands and cleaning can help enormously, and the cost may be justified if you’re otherwise losing income and contracts.

    My Google Calendar helps with keeping appointments (I was in exactly the same boat when my kiddos were little). I have a date to look at it every morning and set alarms for things I might forget. I’ve also learned to schedule strategically (in my case I’m more likely to remember morning appointments and almost certainly will forget things after 4pm).

    There are a ton of books out there that are helpful but I hate to add to your load by assigning reading homework!

  61. WhoKnows*

    A while ago, someone in the comments here shared a Google Doc of tips for working with ADHD. I wish I still had the bookmark but I seem to have lost it somewhere between switching computers. If anyone has it, I’m sure LW would appreciate!

  62. Gudrid the Far Traveled*

    To me, the most important tool is permission. Not grace. Not forgiveness. Permission. Sing it like Tevya in Fiddler on The Roof. Permission to be this new person with your brain. Permission to flit from planner to planner as your brain demands. Permission to forget things. Also permission to be a mom of a newborn and an older child. Permission to give yourself what you need up front instead of inadvertently sneaking it in later. One example: For a long time I would sit on the couch on weekends and do nothing. I’d get so frustrated with myself after yet another weekend of zero productivity. Then one day I decided I must have needed it and isn’t it good I got it. So I gave myself permission to spend the weekend on the couch if I needed it. And after a weekend like that I’d say to myself that I’m glad I got that rest. And after a few more weeks, I was able to do more and that felt better too.

    Another part of this is permission to drop the ball. You won’t find the perfect plan or tool to return you to your previous productivity levels. You’ll find tools and systems that work, but you will drop the ball at some point. So give yourself permission to do that. And make sure that in every system you create, you also have a rough plan for when you need to pick things up and move forward.

    1. Carlie*

      This times a thousand! It’s so surprising to realize how much of my energy and ability was being drained by constantly criticizing myself for not living up to the standards I’d set for myself. Driving that out didn’t just make me emotionally feel better, it freed up so much of my mind and made all of my other tasks easier.

  63. anonymouse*

    Ten medical appointments in two weeks, and a full time remote job where no one else manages you to keep you on track? Never mind the ADHD, this would be challenging for anyone. You don’t mention a partner – I almost hope there isn’t one, rather than that there is and they’re not helping.

  64. Box of Rain*

    Protien has a direct effect on your brain, so it does lots of good things for ADHD-havers. Helps with blood sugar, focus. chemical imbalances–the list could go on and on.

    I don’t like meat and eggs all of a sudden became a no-go for me a year ago. So I try to have a 30g Premier protien shake within 30 minutes of getting out of bed (preferably 30 minutes after waking, but sometimes waking and getting out of bed aren’t the same times). It is a game changer for me. I can 1000000% tell when I forget, rush out of the house, am in a situation where I can’t make my shake.

  66. ayedeeaitchedee*

    I also manage ADHD without meds and work in a high-performance demanding job. I find that being rigorous about breaking tasks down so that I can always do something small, rather than just staring into the abyss of a wide-reaching item, really helpful.

    There’s been lots of other great advice in this comments section but I haven’t seen many people mention AI tools. I know there are mixed opinions on this but from a tech worker perspective, using Claude has been an enormous help for managing my ADHD. I use Cowork to outsource large but mentally undemanding tasks like updating spreadsheets or project trackers, and have a custom skill I wrote to help me know what to do when I sit down at my laptop every day. Whilst there’s a lot of bad uses of AI out there, this one has been incredible for me.

  67. Not Well Medicated*

    Look into the manufacturer of your Adderall! Recent data shows HUGE discrepancies in efficacy between manufacturers and your pharmacy might only be able to get a less effective one due to the shortage. Do a google of “OpenRX Adderall March Report”

  68. Anotheraudhdcorporsteworker*

    When I had to pause medications for a bit, my doctor at the time recommended I heavily restrict my starchy carbs (basically gluten free + watching white rice/white potato consumption, etc), so while that helps me a lot (its still a method I use to mitigate my symptoms along with exercise/medication), it might be worth looking into as theres a major connection between gut health and brain functioning

  69. Treena*

    It’s possible that pregnancy is impacting your reaction to meds, but also this is a totally normal thing that happens to most people. You get 1-6 weeks of feeling amazing and then all of a sudden the body adapts. Work more closely with your provider to figure out as many options as possible. Also you can contact Mother to Baby directly with your questions about impact on baby.

    Another vote for your co-parent to step-up and manage your children’s appointments.

  70. X/X*

    I’ve been unmedicated for significant ADHD for around 20 years (and medicated for about 10 years prior to that). It’s always been a struggle but I made it through undergrad, grad, work etc. (But I don’t have children.)

    This is what has always worked for me:

    Write down absolutely everything on my to do list as I think of it, so even when I’m not working I just jot stuff down and it’s ready for me when I gp to work. Mix different categories of work task into one long list. Make sure each item on the list is a single step. If Project A has 12 sequential steps I write “Project A step” twelve time, and later keep a list of what the 12 steps in sequence are. The idea is to have every single prospective work task in a bite size representation on this list.

    Now that you have the list, put the entire list into a random generator. What are the first 2 choices? You must do exactly 1 of these right now. That’s the only rule. It doesn’t matter which is more important, unless that’s intrinsically motivating you at the moment. You have two tasks, perhaps neither of which your thrilled about, but whichever one you can better motivate for – that’s the one.

    Then you strike that item from your list and randomize again and do another one so on.

    This strategy works to overcome decision fatigue. By using a random generator, you can’t endlessly avoid the least desirable tasks. By giving yourself choice between two, you let yourself have some gentleness with where it’s easiest to direct your focus. The task you don’t pick this time will eventually come up against an even more unwanted task and then get picked, and then the even more unwanted task will eventually come up against an even more unwanted task etc.

    I personally can use this strategy to cover like 60-80% of your work time with substantially minimized executive function, I just vibe with the list and fill in whatever tasks it assigns me. Then, occasionally, I do have to go back and triage for the most urgent undone work, but you can save that for the days you feel absolutely most resourced, and use this strategy on the less resourced days.

    For me the magic really is at any given moment there are exactly two things I should potentially be doing. No wasted brain space on the big picture. As long as I wrote a good list to start with I can just trust my randomly selected items each time and relax.

    Also! Because you work from home – I do as well and I often like to mix my personal and work tasks into one even bigger list. For me swapping between say, ordering the groceries, birthday card for cousin, important email to a client, and filing quarterly taxes or whatever is easier than having really crisp boundaries between personal and work tasks.

  71. Katie*

    Honestly, I’d consider switching careers. I was diagnosed fairly young and medicated throughout school, then decided in college to go without. It took a lot of work to figure out systems that worked for me and a career that would play to my strengths. Ironically, I found it in education! The strict routine, immediate consequences for not completing something, and quick deadlines for work all help keep me focused and on track. Your situation is obviously different, but I bet there’s a job out there that has more structure that can work better for you and help you stay on top of things. Obviously you won’t be breastfeeding forever, but like you said, it can be a challenge to find medication that works, maintain the right dosage, and keep up with your body as it changes. Something to think about!

  72. KitKat*

    I have nothing to offer on ADHD, but can you possibly wean faster to open up medication options immediately? You are clearly really struggling and it might help to get that step out of the way (I say this as someone who LOVED nursing and sobbed about weaning my first at 7mo, also for mostly medical reasons! It’s hard!!)

    If it’s a matter of managing milk production, you could pump and dump while your kiddo moves on. If it’s a matter of replacing calories, there is toddler formula that’s balanced for 1y+ that can be a good temporary option while kiddo is figuring out solids. If it’s about routines, ripping the bandaid might be easier than you expect if you can come up with a replacement routine like a special bedtime song and cuddle.

    Good luck, this sounds like a really tough situation and it seems like you’re trying all the right things!

  73. Raktajino*

    I was successfully unmedicated for ten years between grad school and, uh, 2020, when my coping strategies stopped working as well between wfh, grief, and late-30s hormones. I second and third pretty much everything people have said: experiment with other structures, eat adequately, caffeinate (I recommend green tea over coffee), ask your doctor about other medication options, and cut yourself some slack because *everything* is a lot.

    Here are others I haven’t seen mentioned:
    * Timers to get started, timers for pomodoro, yes, but also timers to race. Procrastinating on a small thing that should only take 5 minutes? Okay, can you do it in 2 minutes?
    * Music. I really like Mind Amend on Youtube, he has tons of mixes that just click my brain into gear.
    * What can you do to create a sensory “work mode”? In college I conditioned myself to work at my desk when I had a specific playlist going, my desk lamp on, and my chair pushed in. As soon as I took a break I stopped my music, turned off my light, and pushed my chair back. Then when those signals stopped working, I moved my workspace somewhere else temporarily while my brain reset.
    * Tiny treats and other ways to reward small progress. We have spreadsheet trackers at work and sometimes I will use formulas to get it to pull in a new image from a stock photos site every time we hit a milestone. (Yes, this did take longer than I’m sure my boss wanted me to spend, but it paid off in team morale.)
    * Read or listen to (or just read a review of) Laziness Doesn’t Exist by Dr Devon Price. I admit I haven’t finished it (lol) but the first half got me a new strategy: Avoidance and procrastination aren’t a moral failing, they’re usually signs that something isn’t working and that you need something. Yeah, maybe you just need more dopamine and for your brain to work right. But usually if I ask myself what I actually need, I have a more attainable solution. I need more clarity on the task, or a tool that doesn’t feel like twelve workarounds in a trenchcoat. Maybe I just feel really itchy and need to change my shirt.
    * Cardio and any exercise that gets my heart rate up and my breathing heavy keeps my anger and anxiety under control. I know, when the fuck are you going to have the time, and everyone acts like exercise is a panacea. It’s not. But it can really help, if you have a way to get it that doesn’t add to the stress.

  74. Ann Onymous*

    I’ve got ADHD and am unmedicated. I tried medication for awhile in college, but eventually stopped using it because I didn’t like the fact that I could tell when it wore off and my ability to cope without it was decreased (any chance something like that is happening to you?)

    I’ve been fortunate to find a therapist who specializes in non-medication ADHD strategies, and she has been very helpful. I also generally find the most success when I figure out how to fit tasks into the way my brain works rather than making my brain conform to the way things are “supposed” to be done. Some strategies that I find particularly helpful at work: breaking a big task into smaller pieces so they feel less overwhelming, to-do lists (both from an organizational perspective and because the satisfaction of crossing things off can be motivating for me), and building little rewards into tasks I struggle with. The rewards can look like a lot of different things – it could be a 5 minute break after 20 minutes of focus, it could be having package of M&Ms and getting to eat one every time I finish an item, or find what works for you.

    I would also highly recommend the book, “How to Keep House while Drowning” by K.C. Davis. I actually use some strategies I got from that book, but it also has helped me shift my attitude towards my ADHD in a really healthy way.

  75. Possum 's mom*

    It’s unclear if LW has the littles at home with her during her work hours, and if there is a partner / babysitter assisting her , but she sounds so physically exhausted it’s no wonder her thought processes are suffering regardless of her ADHD. My only suggestion is to just stop the breastfeeding ( I know it’s not that easy to do !) and get back on the meds you desperately need. Wishing you get relief soon.

  76. Treena*

    Getting into a coworking space is key. Being around other people working is half the battle.
    Set alarms for all your meetings and then let yourself hyperfocus whenever it calls you without worrying about missing meetings.
    Run all your emails through AI before sending.
    Pick 2-3 things you must do in a chunk of time. Make them as small as possible. Include “basic” stuff like email.

    Keep an agenda but instead of planning what you will do, write down what you’re doing in real time. Had coffee, checked email. Responded to two emails. Wrote 3 paragraphs in methods section of paper. Had meeting. For you, I’d also recommend a second column with personal stuff you’re dealing with like appts and such.

    This has a double benefit. First you will realize you’re likely doing more than you realize. And also you’ll get a boost of dopamine because you get to “add” something to your list of things you did that day. This will reinforce and you’ll do more just to be able to add it to the list. Don’t ever worry about picking the “wrong” thing, just focus on being productive in general and then the urgency and priority will kick in as needed. In the meantime, at least you’re doing *something* work-related.

  77. Another late-diagnosed ADHD haver*

    OP, I’m not surprised things feel overwhelming! I was diagnosed early in life with PMDD and much, much later with ADHD, and it took a very long time to find a doctor who understood how much hormone changes impact how well ADHD meds work. Things get even trickier with pregnancy and postpartum, because doctors will always default to playing it safe and taking you off medication. Once babies are involved it’s very hard to get a doctor to prioritize your ability to function at your job or at home beyond the bare minimum.

    I don’t have any specific advice about postpartum medication for you, because my partner and I ultimately decided pregnancy just wasn’t going to be an option for me with my extreme difficulty with hormone changes, our need to stay a two-income household in a high cost of living area, and doctors’ general lack of concern for mothers’ mental health. I did make it very clear that if my partner wants to be a parent, he’s the one who’s going to have to shoulder most of the administrative burden of tracking medical appointments/kids’ activities/etc. because I will drop the ball on that even while properly medicated. Are you in a position to ask your partner to take on more of that load, or to pay someone to shoulder some of the burden?

    I’m currently thriving in a job that has billable client hours–as weird as it sounds, having a time clock that I have to update throughout the day and be accountable for prevents me from those long stretches of farting around and then being totally baffled by where the time went. Maybe try using a system like Clockify that forces you to stop and think about how you spent your time? But to be honest, you’re in an incredibly difficult situation, and there’s no perfect organization system that will fix messed up brain chemistry or a lackluster support system.

  78. Gatomon*

    – Break up large tasks into smaller steps, use Goblin Tools or AI to help. You are overwhelmed so you need to lower your expectations for yourself.

    – Make a todo list AND a done list/note of what you accomplished that day. Even if it’s just “I read an email,” that is an accomplishment at this point. Be gentle with yourself.

    – Pomodoro method. It can be 10 minutes of work and 10 minutes of break if that’s what you need right now!

    – Try some focus music. Endel and Brain.fm are two big apps I’m aware of. I believe Endel has a free mode and it works well for me, because it loops seemlessly.

    – Sometimes I need to rotate in regular music, anything from piano or orchestral to pop to hard rock and power metal. When understimulated I start to nod off, and this helps on bad days.

    – Caffeine and small treats. Put a piece of candy in your mouth and savor it for a minute to help reset.

    – Another good mini break for me is just letting my mind wander to get the impulse out. Go sit somewhere else for 10 minutes and space out.

    – Exercise helps too. There are many 10 minute fitness videos. Take a walk around the block if you can.

    – With ADHD you have to dedicate extra time to being organized. Write everything down. Set time aside to review things when you start and complete your workday. I keep a daily note and start each day with creating any meeting notes I’ll need later, and linking those to my daily note (I use Obsidian for this now.) It reinforces that I have a meeting at X time so I can plan around it.

    – If you have a friend who’s willing, or can pay, having someone to act as manager for you might help. I got through online school while working full time simply because they had a counselor who I had weekly calls with about my progress. Sometimes I wish I could pay someone to parent me, like telling me to go to bed or start dinner or go get groceries, truthfully.

    – If you can and a day just isn’t happening, let it go. Take a sick day or accept it for what it is and remember that tomorrow is a new day.

  79. Asloan*

    This is a tough letter because it involves medication but I think Alison might need to put a warning at the top that she’s NOT endorsing all these medical/medical-adjacent solutions people are offering. Talk to medical professionals, folks, don’t blindly listen to people on the internet about health questions.

  80. Thank you!*

    I so feel this letter. As someone who has similarly gone off the executive functioning cliff (thanks, perimenopause!) I really appreciate everyone’s suggestions.

    Paper to do lists, dedicated focus time, and working when I’m able to focus (10pm) have been really helpful for non-preferred tasks.

  81. Jennjenn*

    Out of sight means out of mind so for personal appointments I actually use a giant paper calendar on my fridge and refer to it every morning and evening. As soon as an appointment is made it goes on the calendar- typically as I’m on the phone or reading the email. This must happen. I set alarms on my phone and write in the reason for the alarm and an action in the Label area. For work, I have a fellow adhd buddy to bounce ideas off and get set up for the day – this is over teams. You work alone but you might find there is someone out there that needs the same. I know there are groups that do “mirroring “ over camera. Sometimes having someone watch you work is motivating.

  82. Chris K.*

    No experience with ADHD, but I would try to take a leave of absence until you get this straightened out.

  83. ImNotHereImWorking*

    Hula hoop between me and my computer. I’m very bad at it but I try until I’m a bit breathless, 5ish minutes. It makes settling to work easier. Or dance, or just squats if I’m feeling very meh. Helps if I remember to do it when I get stuck. My computer tells me the time every hour, sometimes that helps.

  84. KAG*

    One thing I’ve found helpful is writing out what I need to do. Not in a to-do list, but as an informal narrative walking me through and rationalizing what steps I need to take. I write a lot of code, and here’s how I would start the paragraph: “So I need to create a program that does X, Y, and Z. I think the best way to approach it would be X1, X2, Z1, Y3, but there might be an issue with Q, so maybe I should consider an alternative approach. OK, so instead, let’s start with X2, and begin with writing (this first hard part) using (this logic). I find it uses a different part of my brain than just listing the tasks, and helps me break through the paralysis.

  85. Massive Dynamic*

    I haven’t yet read the other comments yet but I will because I love my neurodivergent tribe and all the wisdom you offer! My own background and take on this:

    ME – mid 40s, birthed two kids, diagnosed three years ago, on a nonstimulant since then with a decent coffee intake as well. I nursed both, and after my 2nd 8 years ago, I damn near got fired b/c of the things you detail above plus my inability to work random late hours due to strict nursing/childcare schedules. I pumped too.

    What turned it around for me pre-diagnosis: a job with much more time flexibility and extreme 15-min billing accountability. I’m never bored and I get to manage my own workflow 100%. Turns out this is perfect for me. And it’s only gotten better (as has the rest of my life) with the meds.

    About that 8yo: Was diagnosed and started meds over xmas. His first report card of the school year vs. the one he just got – DRAMATIC IMPROVEMENT. Gee I wonder why. I wish we had explored this years earlier for him and for me.

    My hot take now: Work with your doc to get a new medication and give yourself all the grace in the world if you need to stop nursing early in order to get your brain what it needs. To me, it’s a clear example of the plane analogy of putting your own oxygen mask on first so you can then help your kids with theirs. And I say this as someone who was extremely devoted to nursing as well but would definitely be factoring that in had I been diagnosed and offered medication earlier on in life. Best of luck to you and your family – one way or another you’ll come out on top!

  86. Annika Hansen*

    I didn’t know I had ADHD for years so obviously I wasn’t medicated. I found that making a game of some of my tasks helped. They aren’t super fun games. I would do things like change the way I did a task and see if I complete it faster that way. Guess the results of a spreadsheet and then see how far I was from the results. I also gave myself a reward like if I finish 10 units, I get a can of sparkling water. I also put appointments for tasks in my calendar.

    I am now on medication. I noticed it wasn’t working as well. When I talked to my psychiatrist, she has had other patients with similar issues. She said that it seems some generic manufacturers are better than others. I don’t know the truth behind that statement, but I thought I would share it.

  87. Junior Dev (now midlevel)*

    If you are looking at a bunch of things to do and your brain is overwhelmed by where to start, your new task is to write a to-do list that breaks down what to do next in excruciating detail. So if one of the tasks is something like “email client A about timeline,” the list might look like

    * write out list of what has been done, is in progress, and is not started
    * email subcontractor B about their timeline for completing tasks x,y,z
    * write up a list of questions for client A
    * for each question on said list, search for answers in past emails; if you don’t find them, write up a concise version of the question to send to client A
    * identify a list of 3 times you could meet this week if they’d prefer to discuss on a call
    * draft the email
    * send the email

    I’ll often take a break, or complete the easiest item and then take a break, after doing this. Then I know what to do next and can work my way down the list.

  88. ADHD Project Manager*

    Hi there! Fellow ADHD-er who resonates strongly with everything you’re going through. I have a few suggestions:
    1) Medication — Caffeine works as a good standby for me when I can’t get my Adderall. As soon as you’re cleared, try to get extended-release Adderall. I had all the same issues you’re having with rapid release. Basically, the constant highs/lows made my ADHD far worse.
    2) Manage general overwhelm — It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of mental load in your personal/professional life. Ask a partner, family member, or friend to step in and take some off you for a bit if you can. If you have the time to take off, take a few days off to reset, get yourself in a better headspace, and re-approach work less overwhelmed.
    3) Manic emails — Write your emails, save them as a draft, and then set yourself a fifteen minute block later in the day to read back, edit, and send all your emails. Give yourself that time/space to reflect and edit.
    4) Read “Driven to Distraction at Work” — best book for ADHD folks with work-specific needs.
    5) Driving projects forward solo — Lordy this is hard. There’s no one good strategy here. Try a lot and don’t be afraid to keep changing strategies as you need. I’ve done time blocks, I’ve done coworking spaces to feel “peer pressure,” and I’ve done Asana tasks. My current favorite strategy is to think of my brain as an employee I need to micromanage. “Okay brain, I’m going to set you a 3pm deadline to get this done. Ah ah ah, do I see you on your phone? Did your teams status go inactive? BACK TO WORK!”

  89. JustaTech*

    LW, I don’t think anyone’s touched on this yet, but you said “I’m currently primarily working on a non-urgent, least-liked task (writing an academic paper), and I’ve gotten maybe 10 hours of work done in the past two weeks total, when I should be averaging about 20 per week. ”

    Nooooooo. When the meds aren’t working and everything is hard is the *worst* time to do the very hardest-for-ADHD work. If it’s not urgent *and* you don’t like there is nothing in that work to engage your brain, so of course it’s not going to want to focus on that.

    You said the paper isn’t urgent. So drop it like a hot potato for something urgent, or visible, or engaging (or all of the above). Come back to the paper when you’ve had some work success, or your meds are working again, or it suddenly *is* exciting. (Or it becomes urgent.)

    Yes to everyone else’s suggestions (and I’m going to look at lot of them up for myself), but there is no reason for you to be doing work on Hardest mode when life is already on Hardest mode too.

  90. Radioactive Cyborg Llama*

    I’m coming in late so maybe someone has said this, but is it ADHD + hormones only or is there some exhaustion in there also? Being tired will hurt your executive function. Something to consider is if you can get more sleep (and maybe the weaning will help because breastfeeding I think can cause tiredness and brain fog).

  91. ADHDers have the best usernames*

    OP, thank you for asking! I came to the comments to offer advice and there are so many good tips I will have to try. I was diagnosed in my 40s after I had kids.

    Do you use MyChart? That helps me remember all the medical appointments. Also joining the chorus suggesting you talk to your OBGYN about meds. At one point during pregnancy a pharmacist wouldn’t give me cold meds because they would harm the baby. My doctor later said it wasn’t true.

    Lists don’t always work for me. Sometimes I need to put projects on my Outlook calendar. That also helps block time so coworkers don’t interrupt.

    My push notifications for gmail and social media are all turned off on my phone.

    And I need to consciously step away from my phone, like now when I am supposed to be working on other projects instead of reading AAM!

  92. Elizabeth*

    You aren’t alone! The two things that help me most and have lots of research behind them are exercise and mindfulness meditation. Since I’ve started meditation the difference is drastic. Im not all crunchy granola, I kind of hate it and have to force myself to do 5-10 minutes a day, but it really helps, especially with emotional regulation and anxiety. It is literally brain exercise. And trying to incorporate more movement and exercise also has a huge impact. I wish you so much success!

  93. Natalie*

    Since you’re still in the post-partum hormone thunderdome, don’t discount how your hormones might be impacting both medications and your daily living generally. I’m an attorney with an ADHD diagnosis (20+ years) who owns my own firm, and really struggled after the birth of my child, all of which was exacerbated by additional outside stressors.

    Find yourself a solid Chinese medicine practitioner who can help give you an acupressure/supplement routine to support hormone balance and promote focus. To be clear, it’s not(and never should be) a replacement for western medicine, but I found I didn’t realize how unbalanced I was, and all the adderall/vyvanse in the world can’t overcome hormonal/vitamin deficiencies. I was skeptical at first, but it’s worth a try.

    1. Another late-diagnosed ADHD haver*

      I would talk to a doctor before taking supplements–a lot of the ones used in Chinese medicine work because they actually do have active ingredients, some of which can end up in breast milk or interfere with other medications. Quite a few have interactions with Ritalin, some quite dangerous!

  94. Harper*

    I am also a woman diagnosed with ADHD later in life (likely exacerbated by perimenopause/menopause. Here are some things that help me:
    – Body doubling. Have someone nearby who is being productive (at anything) while you need to be productive. I work a hybrid schedule, and being in the office a few days a week helps me stay balanced.
    – Identify when your energy and focus are highest during the day and try to get the bulk of your work done then. I’m a morning person. By afternoon/evening, I lose motivation.
    – Exercise before work. Exercise really does increase focus, motivation, and mood. It also releases dopamine.
    – Make a list of mindless/easy tasks you can do when your energy is low, just to tick things off the list.
    – Keep a handwritten to-do list and physically mark things off when completed. This gives a little dopamine boost.
    – Coffee, if it’s safe for your baby. I’ve found 1/2 cup can really focus me without giving me the jitters or making me sick.
    – On days you’re really struggling with distraction, pick the task on your to-do list that is the most fun and interesting and work on it. Even if it’s not the most important priority, you’re accomplishing something you won’t have to do later.
    – You will likely have random, occasional days of high motivation and focus. Get as much done as possible on those days, even if it’s not due yet.
    – Surround yourself with little sources of dopamine to make work more fun. Colorful pens, pretty notebooks, a fun keyboard, funny artwork, etc. I rarely ever buy the plain gray or black option in anything.

    Most of all, change your thinking and quit shaming yourself. Abandon perfectionism and arbitrary rules about how you “should” be working. You will likely never have a linear, cleanly prioritized work style. Figure out what works for you and lean into it, even if it would look chaotic to others.

  95. Deb*

    David at Raptitude has ADHD (also later in life diagnosis) and he writes a lot about his struggles and successes. I am what he describes as a “natural doer”, but I still very much enjoy his posts about being more mindful and focused since I still struggle at times with procrastination or getting distracted with all the things. Do a Google search for Raptitude and “How to Get Things Done When You Have Trouble Getting Things Done” for a great article and more information about his book. I hope you find multiple things that will work for you!

  96. Pallas*

    OP, you don’t say who ypur prescriber is, but if you’re just going through a family doc, I highly recommend getting in touch with a psychiatrist or, probably more accessible for a fellow freelancer, a PMHNP with experience in perinatal/postpartum medication management.

    Many will also provide counseling, and will do online appointments with a zillion reminder notifications — because they know what their patient base is struggling with!

    I found mine by using the many very detailed filters on Psychology Today’s database. Having a dedicated medication management provider — somebody who does NOTHING BUT check in on your brain status and help you evaluate and trial medication options — is a HUGE life improvement over trying to cram it in with a harried GP or family doc.

  97. Jules the 3rd*

    Delegate *anything* you can. Can your partner take over medical appointments? (10 in two weeks is a *lot* for anyone to manage!)

    Yeah, caffeine – think constant cup of tea, rather than cup of coffee once or twice a day.

    Visual stuff: visual timers and alarms, to do lists, outlines for the paper. I like physical versions, like whiteboards, better than Trello – something about the writing helps more than typing. But physical versions don’t send you reminders, so there’s that.

    Background stimulus – have a show or podcast going in the background when you’re not on calls. Maybe Habitica if you can use it for work somehow.

    Ask AI to check your emails for ‘calm, rational tone’?

  98. Lily Puddle*

    On the missing meetings part, I missed several virtual meetings, and once I started using an alarm reminder system, I haven’t missed one since. It might not work for you, but it might be worth trying. Every morning when I start work, I look at my calendar, and then for every meeting I have that day, I set an alarm on my phone to go off 30 minutes before the meeting, and it has a 5 or 10 minute snooze until the meeting starts. It’s not enough to have the alarm go off a little while before the meeting — I’ll get focused on something and lose track of time, and the meeting will be forgotten. Sometimes I’ll also check the calendar at the end of the day and double-check I have the alarms set for the next day’s meetings. My phone alarm app has a calendar scheduling option, so if the meeting is important enough, I’ll just go ahead and put it on the alarm calendar however long in advance.

    It can be an annoyance on a day when I have a lot of meetings, and I have to be careful not to have so many alarms that I’m just snoozing without looking and the alarms lose their meaning, but it’s still the best solution I’ve found so far.

    1. Ellis Bell*

      Yeah I find that one time only reminders don’t work for me either. I need multiple snoozes or for the alarm to go off at three set intervals if I want to be sure not to miss it.

  99. cloudy*

    I am on a medication that really tanks my short term memory and makes it so I’ll lose track of time / forget what I’m doing mid-doing it, etc. What I’ve found works for me is:

    1) Keep a running document of all tasks I’m supposed to do. Look through it multiple times a day to make sure I’ve not forgotten something

    And the only thing keeping my life together:

    2) I set a ton of alarms on my phone. Vibrate only, with infinite snooze on so they’ll recur every 5 or 10 minutes forever. I set these alarms for meetings and appointments, but also for important daily tasks both personal and private – like when to take care of my pets, water my plants, do laundry, when I should check form submissions at work, when it’s lunch time or break time, when to check the mail, etc. I have nearly 50 alarms on my phone in this way.

    The important part is that I do NOT turn off the alarm when it goes off. If I turn off the alarm when I see it, I will forget and can’t guarantee it’ll get done. My rule is to always hit snooze, until after the task is complete. Only when it is 100% complete does it actually get dismissed.

  100. Lizy*

    Caffeine! It’s a natural alternative to meds for adhd. Helped me a ton when I was breastfeeding. The other big thing is SLOW DOWN. it’s so easy to get wrapped up in something and not realize the mistakes. Obviously so much easier said than done but forcing myself to take a breath and slow down helps a lot.
    Frequent breaks helps, but make sure they’re scheduled. Force yourself to allow yourself breaks, but also to work. For me, that’s a lot of “ok I’ll work on this until 2 then break and then tackle y”.
    Honestly a lot of it is trial and error to figure out what works. But the trial and error takes time. Don’t just say “this didn’t work for me today so it doesn’t work at all”. It’s like breastfeeding – just because baby only wants right boob today doesn’t mean the left is broken – it just doesn’t work today.
    Get a schedule and stick to it. That’s honestly huge. And easier said than done for sure but if you allow breaks as well as schedule you can do it!

  102. DramaQ*

    for me I break down tasks and I prefer to start with the easiest or fastest things first. Ticking those off my list gives me a dopamine boost and motivates me to keep going because look at everything I got done already!

    It also frees my brain space to focus on the bigger more complex stuff because now that’s all that is left I don’t have a bunch of other things nagging me wanting to get done.

    I know people who use a similar set up but do it in the opposite direction. Get the big project of doom done first then get the reward of the rest of the day being easy.

    I also play games with myself challenging myself to get X amount done in an hour or before lunch or before a small treat.

    I break tasks down into smaller chunks. For example let’s say I have 20 samples to process. That is four sets of five samples each. That’s not so bad right? You can do five samples. Now five more. Five more again…and done!

  103. Anne G.*

    I can’t speak to the medication component but some strategies that have helped me with work productivity:

    1.) Know what days/times I am most productive. Mondays are hard for me so I schedule less to do on those days. I’m most productive in the mornings, so I try to do the bulk of my work then to capitalize on that increased focus/energy.

    2.) Build in breaks. If I’m having a hard time focusing on work, I’ll set a timer for 15 minutes (or a different time frame), work for that amount of time, then take a break for 5 minutes to do a more rewarding task as a ‘reward.’

    3.) Group like tasks. I do a looooot of documentation. So, I’ll group together similar types of documentation and do them all at once. Depending on how much focus I have, I’ll do the worst/most difficult ones first, then the easier ones.

    4.) Use my email inbox as a to-do list and leave it open during working hours. Once a task gets done, the email either gets deleted or archived.

  104. LizardLady*

    I could have written this letter last year – unmanaged ADHD, pregnant, working alone from home with little direct supervision. Absolutely drowning in guilt all the time that I just couldn’t get my brain to “do the thing.” I have so much empathy for you, OP! But you are not alone! Some of the most talented, beautiful, successful women I know struggle with these exact same things.

    I haven’t found a single thing that works all the time, but I’ve found that giving myself a grab bag of strategies will usually get my brain to cooperate for at least a few hours a day during bad weeks.

    Things that I cycle through:

    1) Productivity apps: Flora – gamifies the Pomodoro method by growing flowers in a digital garden as rewards for working for set periods of time; Habitica – level up a fantasy character and fight monsters by doing tasks on your to do list; Finch – self-care app that reminds me to eat meals and drink water and whatnot (which helps with productivity!) while taking care of a cute bird.

    2) Task managing systems: I cycle between Trello and a Clever Fox planner. Crucially, my planner doesn’t have dates in it, so if I lose interest for 6 months I can pick up on the next page rather than wasting half the book. “Re-sparkling” also helps maintain interest – changing the background image and color palette in Trello, using a colorful pen in the planner, anything to make it feel new and shiny.

    3) Focus Music: Binaural beats and the “Jason Lewis – Mind Amend” channel on YouTube help me get into a good flow.

    4) Play “How long does it actually take?” (My new favorite game): Aren’t you curious – How long does the big scary thing really take? (And the corollary: was it really worth stressing out over for two months?) This question will motivate me to set a timer, do the thing, and find out! Or I can turn it into a challenge – can I write this intro paragraph in 45 minutes? We’re going to try!

    5) Make starting the task as physically comfortable as possible: Get your favorite beverage, put on a nice playlist, light a nice-smelling candle, set out a working snack (crunchy and sour things help me with focus, and I break out chocolate for tasks I REALLY don’t want to do). You can swap out these things to keep it fresh (like trying new playlists or new flavors of tea/coffee) – anything to help your brain associate work with comfort and safety.

    You are amazing, OP, even on days when your brain is being a potato! Give yourself lots of love and grace!

  105. AlpacaMaca*

    Don’t want to give too much medical advice, but what’s been helpful for me is 1) get your hormones checked and get a full bloodwork panel if you can. Ive found certain hormonal imbalances or times of the month can exacerbate symptoms/make medication ineffective. Also check for other deficiencies (vitamin D, iron/ferritin, b vitamins, etc) that can make adhd symptoms worse. I find Omega 3 also helps. 2) Not common enough knowledge, but citrus, Vitamin C, ascorbic acid, citric acid (and generally acidic things) can reduce effectiveness of stimulants, so be careful about consuming them around the time you take your meds. Conversely, antacids (like tums) can boost the effectiveness.

    Onto the work stuff, my therapist recommended making a “dopamine menu”. I save certain things for when it’s a BIG deal. Some things that have worked for me (especially to get started on tasks I’m avoiding):
    -walking pad/standing desk. The walking takes up a line of energy and I can then focus better. I find this especially helpful for brainstorming and getting started on tasks I’m avoiding.
    – cold shower- sometimes it shocks the system into something else
    – Binaural beats- supposedly these do something to your brain to help it focus
    – Coffee + L- Theanine- L Theanine is a supplement that supposedly helps take the edge off caffeine so you don’t feel jittery
    – Pretend you’re delegating to someone else and write out the steps necessary

  106. Anon for this*

    I do not have ADHD, but I did have to stop taking mental health meds during pregnancy and breast feeding. It was a pretty bad experience. I could not sleep and suffered with restless legs. It was so bad, I didn’t even consider having another child. I understand how frustrating and distressing this is for you.

    This is probably not what you are looking for, but I’m going to suggest that you wean. I went with child lead weaning because I really beleived in it, but now that its 20 years later, I wish I had weaned earlier. I remember driving to work so tired that I really shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. I was so stressed out that it was starting to impact my mental health (while off my meds!).

    Personally, I think that having a thriving mom is probably better than breast feeding. And it’s not like your baby hasn’t already been benefiting from nursing. So my recommendation would be to wean and start taking the medication you need to function at work. (I also fully admit that I would not have taken this advice back then, but based on my experience since then, That’s what I would have told myself.)

  107. stifled creativity*

    Hey there OP, fellow woman with ADHD that was diagnosed later in life. For me, exercise is an absolute necessity for me to be able to function. Exercise does a lot of the same stuff that stimulants do–boosts the same brain chemicals, improves executive function, burns off excess energy, reduces stress and anxiety. And it can help with sleep, too, which is often goes hand in hand with ADHD. Even 20 minutes of vigorous exercise can give these benefits, any type of movement counts. I’ve also found that taking a few minutes at the beginning of the day to make a checklist on a yellow note pad is super helpful for me. It’s a visual reminder of all the tasks I need to complete, and it’s so satisfying to cross something off the list. Another poster mentioned this, but I’ve noticed a huge variation in the efficacy of different batches. It can really be frustrating sometimes, but it might not be that the meds stopped working, it’s that the pills you got that month were from a manufacturer who’s product just isn’t quite as good.

  108. SelinaLuna*

    I have ADHD and can’t take medication at the moment for other reasons. I am a teacher who is also in charge of the school’s website, newsletter, and parent outreach. I’m also planning for summer school and for an international move. Here is what I do:
    1. I don’t know what email service your company is using, but in Gmail, you can add emails directly to your task list. When you do this, it adds the subject line as your task item, but you can change that. Then, you can add both a date to look at something and a due date, and your task list will assemble things according to these dates.
    2. To-do lists don’t work for me. But checking things off does work. So I make “have done” lists. If I write the things I need to do, I trigger my “you can’t tell me what to do” response. But if I write down the things I have done and then check them off, that works really well. Like, yesterday I finished my presentation slides for summer school, so I wrote down each day I did, and then checked those off. I even used a program that assigned a point value.
    3. Timers. I have a few methods for this.
    a. If I’m at school, I have a timer that counts up and prevents me from accessing other apps on my phone. I turn it on and then I can get things done and my phone isn’t a temptation.
    b. If I’m trying to get a lot of chores done at home, I do “pomodoro method” where I set a timer for a long period of time to get something done (tonight and tomorrow morning, I’m getting the stuff off the floor, sweeping, and mopping) and a shorter period of time to do something I like or at least something different. I generally do cycles of 3 longs plus three shorts if I have a lot of time, and two of each if I have an hour or so.
    c. If I’m doing something and there’s a strong risk of me getting too involved and forgetting to pee, eat, or drink water, I set timers for all of those things. Might this bring me out of my hyper-fixation? Yes, but also, if I get a kidney infection, that’s not worth it.
    4. Planners can work, but it takes trial and error. And traditional, dated planners have never, ever worked for me. Undated planners with bulleted sections can work for me, but they risk becoming a project. I use the Hero’s Journal, printed off on normal 8.5×11 paper (A4 paper also works if you’re not in the US), but to the extent that you can afford to do so, please trial and error it.
    5. Clutter helps me think, but messes hinder me from working. I make mosaics at home, and in my mosaic space, I have shelves of colorful glass in bins and tiny glass pieces in a small parts organizer, and also lots of little bowls of glass that I’m actively working with. There’s a lot of stuff in a small area, and it’s cluttered. However, I can find anything immediately and know exactly where everything is. It’s not messy.
    6. Since you mentioned you’re breastfeeding, keep in mind that baby brain fog is freaking real and give yourself a LOT of grace for forgetting things. It’s going to happen. All the time.

    1. Ellis Bell*

      I didn’t know it was called a “have done” list but sometimes I need the dopamine hit of ticking something off that I hadn’t even written down yet… so I write it down just to tick it off. It definitely launches you into the next task better.

      1. SelinaLuna*

        “Have done” is my name for these lists, but I’ve seen other names. The cutesy one that my friend uses is “to-done,” and I’ve also seen just “done” list. It’s the concept that matters, I guess.

  109. Aware and Accepted - Go Away April*

    Have you talked to your psychiatrist to be sure there’s no nursing safe medication option?

    I’m very lucky that I formula fed my now 3 year old (it’s his birthday today).

    Solidarity from this late diagnosed woman.
    I got diagnosed shortly after my now 8 year old got diagnosed Autistic.
    I guess that’s why everyone calls her my mini.

  110. Janeway, Her Coffee In Hand*

    I use OneNote like crazy. My strategy is to have a daily page with a to-do list, then cross out each item as I complete it. The next day, I copy the previous day’s page, delete the crossed out items, then add the new ones. It gives me a rolling list of everything I’ve been completing that I can refer back to, plus the satisfaction of crossing things off my list. I’ll even add things that I complete that weren’t on the list just to cross them off and keep track of when they were done.

  111. Sydni*

    I haven’t had time to read all the comments, but lots of good stuff in what I’ve seen. Give yourself lots of grace – big life changes and stress cause breakdown of all the great coping mechanisms you’ve built up through your life. You are doing the best you can and things will get better!

    My advice is specifically regarding missed appointments. As I’m sure you know, that can cause financial penalty and get you dropped as a patient. As someone who also juggles tons of doctors and specialists for my kids, I know that you don’t want to be trying to find new doctors and get records transferred when you are already struggling. Here’s what works for me.

    First, create an electronic family calendar – use whatever system most of the family uses (Google, Apple, whatever). Second, put a huge widget for that calendar on your phone’s home screen that shows the next couple days worth of appointments. Add it to your partner and older kids devices if possible so they can help keep track. Don’t just show today’s schedule and don’t show the whole month–the next few days is the sweet spot. Make it big enough to take up a lot of space – something you have to look at it every time you open the phone. If you want, you can also make it a tab that auto-opens on your work PC (allow your browser do pop-up reminders if possible). You can use different colors for different family members (pretty, but too much work for me), or just start the event title with that person’s name.

    Third, adjust calendar settings to always give you a reminder (with sound!! If you keep your phone on silent while working, designate the calendar app as an exception to the rule) at a helpful interval(s) before the appointment. I like to get notices the night before so I can locate whatever documents/supplies needed and put it my work bag or car, plus 30 minutes before the appointment – enough time to stop my task, get shoes on & drive to appointment. Adjust that to what works for you, but I would caution not to make the alarm so far in advance that you have time to get side-tracked and be late.

    Fourth – this is critical – add every appointment to this calendar IMMEDIATELY when it is scheduled. I add it as I’m talking to the scheduler. Don’t let them hand you a business card with it written down and think you’ll remember to add it later. Add it now before you leave the building. Put the details and location in so you don’t have to look up the address when you are rushing–make it easy for future you! If you are scheduling online, there’s usually an link to send to calendar that pulls in all the details.

    If you have Google home or Alexa or any of those smart devices, give them access to your calendar and let them give alarm reminders as well. You can synch it with your work’s email calendar if that helps. If your phone gives you a morning summary of your day when you turn off your wake-up alarm, have it read out your calendar. For me, if something isn’t on this calendar, it doesn’t exist. Paper calendars and planners are fine, but they don’t have alarms to break through hyperfocus and time blindness. The alarms are the most important part of making this work with my ADHD. I hope this helps!!

  112. Unmedicated AHDH woman with various neurosis and disorders*

    I wish I had a better method, but for me: I need to wake up at 5am, slam 200mg of caffeine on an empty stomach, create a sensory chamber through blackout curtains and lofi beats playing max volume in my headphones, structure work blocks using 25-minute Pomodoro timers, and immediately lock on on my laptop for 7 hours straight before I blink and realize it’s noon. And then vigorously exercise at least 1 hour every single day.

  113. Common Taters on the Ax*

    I have a lifetime of experience dealing with (admittedly somewhat mild, but definitely present) ADHD without medications. Everyone’s different, and I’ve never been pregnant, but I’ll share the things that have worked best for me in case some might help. (1) Put everything I need to do on a given day on a calendar (individual appointments or timed calls in their place, and then a single appointment with a to-do list in the morning, which I snooze periodically and don’t dismiss it until they’re all done), (2) pay attention to what kind of tasks I do best at a given time of day and try to plan my day so that those are in their places, especially (for me) detailed work between 11 AM and ~3:30 PM; (3) have a few rituals that get me up and moving (mine are tea refills in the morning, a piece of chocolate or two around noon, change out of pajamas usually around 1, afternoon snack(s) some time between 2 and 4 PM); and (4) take a long lunch break and try to get out of the house, either on a walk or to run an errand.

  114. Amy*

    Ruri Ohama has some really great ideas on her YouTube especially around “Why Timeblocking Doesn’t work for ADHD & What To Do Instead”.

  115. Kirakaoru*

    Have you been assessed for post-partum anxiety? This sounds more than uncontrolled ADHD, and while stress can absolutely exacerbate symptoms, it could be worth ruling out a double whammy as PPA can sneak up out of nowhere and ADHD is a risk factor for PPA (co-occuring at about 5x higher rate than the general population). It may be that what would help is extra targeted support for that so as to get you to a point where your brain has more capacity for managing the ADHD and everything else. Even if it’s been assessed and ruled out, I would strongly recommend finding a local (in-person or online, but local enough to be able to interface with your medical team) support resource to assist with taking the stress/anxiety portion off your plate, be it a parenting group, counsellor, mental health helpline or something more formal.

    In lieu of that, simply remembering to carve out a bit of time for adult you – keep up a fandom or hobby, read a chapter a day with a fancy tea and a candle, go for a run or fitness class or do a 10min YT workout or do your hair/nails/fancy face mask, get a massage, whatever it is that gives you time for you yourself as a person who exists as an individual with a personality – not a mum, not a contractor, not the person who juggles all the balls, just you. Sometimes just that is enough to quiet things down enough to get through the day or a few days because it gets you out of your head or at least changes the direction long enough to give you a break and a bit of self-care/rejuvenation. It may sound hard especially since feeding and sleep schedules limit your availability for committing to a class package or same-time-each-week type thing, so you may need to hold on to 2-3 things in order to have something daily or every second day (e.g. monday you read a book, tuesday you do a class, wednesday you do your makeup like you’re going out, thursday you go for a run, friday you have brekky in bed, weekends you go to the park and oops you’re playing too ;0) or whatever works for you).

  116. Same, Girl, Same*

    This is me. I had to drop out of college because mine got so bad. I finally got on meds a few months ago after my second was born.
    I’m currently on Adderall XR with regular Adderall as a “booster” to take as needed. Without meds, I have had luck with piano music for background noise. Spotify’s Peaceful Piano and Autumn Piano playlists are nice. Podcasts – MissUnderstood and Angry on the Inside. Both are about 20-30 minutes (sometimes shorter) and go into things about having ADHD as woman, especially when you’re late diagnosed. Really helped me understand myself a bit better.
    For appointments, I use Family Wall app for everybody’s stuff. I have shared that and my work calendar with my iPhone calendar. I check iPhone each night so I know what I’m getting into the next morning. I also check it first when scheduling new appointments so I know I’m not double-booking.
    When working, I have found that talking out the process helps me focus on the process. Not loudly but I am in an office so I can talk low and not bother anyone. When I was in an open office, I would silently speak what I was doing.
    I have notes and cheat sheets as needed. I’ve heard Vyvanse is good but insurance won’t cover it for me.
    I hope any of it helps and I hope others have some good ideas.

  117. Fellowsufferer*

    Am I you?

    I KNOW from reading Allison’s posts that you have to help yourself…and the anxiety spiral isn’t helping.

    i was fired for not reading the room, being bad at organization, not great hearing or remembering verbal instructions, and it could be happening AGAIN(i do have actual coaching at this job, and I’m still struggling with these basic things, and I’ve tried 3 different stimulants. The anxiety doesn’t make my memory better, and I do see a therapist.)

    the only thing that has worked half assed is I write everything down, and I repeat back to my boss what I heard so that we clarify communication(this was her idea…best thing I’ve heard ever) still…she is trying to get me to slow down, and feeling shameful for needing the extra help doesn’t feel great, because I am not sure what is working or how to help myself.

  118. Ana*

    As far as not missing appointments, I look at my calendar every evening and set alarms on my phone for each appointment the next day. I missed an appointment last week (because I hadn’t set an alarm for it) and started doing this weekly as well. My calendar reminders are easy to ignore, but my alarms are loud and keep going off until I silence them. I can also put a note on the alarm and it tells me what appointment it’s for.

  119. Evjo*

    I also have ADHD. I am unmedicated.

    After my diagnosis, I was lucky enough to be able to speak with some professionals who had ideas that worked for me. One of the most helpful was that I could change my environment to be ADHD friendly. They suggested having dedicated ‘stations’ for activities. Think of a board game where you move your marker, in the way Monopoly is organized. Each rectangle represents an activity; everything needed for that activity is kept at that ‘station.’ When space is limited, they suggested putting all the items needed in a container. Keep the container in one location. Decorate it or choose one that you like a lot to get a hit of joy.

    You may already be doing this, as you may have a dedicated workspace. If so, it could still help to create stations for the other things in your life. That might create a boundary, and allow you to remember that you have entered a different location and are about to get off track.

    Another thing that helped me is that I (laboriously) learned that every task is like a good story: it has a beginning, a middle and an end. That was not something that was ever in my head when ADHD was in charge. Now I can complete even simple tasks by reminding myself that every task has 3 equally important parts.

    Much of my difficulty with ADHD has to do with transitions from one thing to another. When I must change what I’m doing, I don’t feel ready. I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to start. When I finish something I feel unsettled. What I do now is use an activity that is a transition helper. It’s usually something I enjoy but sometimes it’s a quick chore. In this case, I definitely need a timer (10 minutes works for me.)

    I’m sorry that you are struggling so much. This is not unusual for people with ADHD, especially when they have a lot of responsibilities and not much time for R&R. You have a lot going on! I hope you can receive buckets of kindness from yourself and from everyone who cares about you. I thoroughly believe things will get better for you.

    ps… If someone already suggested all these things, I apologize for repeating them. So many comments ! So for me it was a TLDR situation. That’s an ADHD trait I still struggle with.

  120. Liv*

    Things that have helped me in a very similar situation!

    -Pomodoro method saved my life at work when I was unmedicated and struggling so much with ADHD while pregnant/nursing. There are super easy-to-use apps.
    -At one point I wore a watch on my wrist that vibrated every 10 minutes so I would be reminded to make sure what I was doing was what I wanted to be doing.
    -Paper lists–everything I need to pack in my bag for work was on a list on the back door so I would see it before I got in the car.
    -Be RELIGIOUS about your calendar and set alerts. I am a notorious appointment-misser. I set up actual alarms on the day of appointments to remind me when I need to get ready and when I need to leave because the calendar alert alone isn’t enough.
    -If you have a partner to rely on, shift all of the remembering and appointments, etc. to them that you can!
    -I use a plugin called Boomerang to manage emails, you can schedule to send them in the future, cue certain emails to pop back up into your inbox if nobody responds so you don’t forget to follow up.
    -Don’t send emails while you’re keyed up or stressed out or emotional. Save a draft, set an alarm to review your drafts before the end of the day and revise. If you’re stressed and on the phone and feeling like you’re not communicating the way you want to, get off the phone and call them back. Take as much control of your time as you can.
    -I keep a Note on my phone with ongoing personal “to-dos”, and have an alarm twice a day telling me to look at that note and if I have down-time, I’ll use that time to make a call or do a small task to cross it off the list.
    -Prioritizing exercise and sleep. (easier said than done with a baby!)

    Bottom line, what helps me is a) making it impossible to forget things–by setting one trillion alarms for myself throughout the day, paper lists, email management tools, and b) take as much control of your time as you can–by delegating what you can, and responding proactively rather than reactively.

    It’s so hard, ADHD can be so frustrating to deal with. Wishing you the best xoxo

  121. FluffskyMom*

    I would highly recommend Postpartum Support International (postpartum.net) to get connected to professionals and resources, including support groups, that are free.

  122. Friendly Office Bisexual*

    I was unmedicated for most of my life, and really really struggled with executive function. Here’s what helped me:

    -BODY DOUBLING. When I was working remotely, I would schedule Zoom calls with another ADHD friend where we would set goals, set a timer, go on mute, and focus on the task we’d said we’d do during that time window (20-30 minute intervals, usually). Then we’d update each other.
    -Visually pleasing planners. Anything with pretty stickers.
    -Exercise in the morning if I can swing it (but…with ADHD…sometimes you don’t get up on time.)
    -If I am really spinning my wheels, I’ll stand up and walk up and down the block, then come back and try again.
    -Talking to myself. “I am starting this task. Oh, I’m getting distracted by my phone. Ok, I am picking up my phone and putting it in the other room. Ok, we are going to try this task for 5 minutes.” (Try to be gentle and understanding but also firm with yourself. Self-abuse doesn’t work and neither does giving yourself no accountability.)
    -Rewards (like a tasty treat) for completing a task. Sometimes you have to provide your own dopamine, lol.

    Good luck, and I’m sorry the dysfunction has gotten worse! Personally, getting on a non stimulant medication was the way to go for me.

    1. Ellis Bell*

      I cannot believe how making my own planner has changed my life. Because it’s my own style, and beautiful I want to open it and add to it. The first thing I do is open it up and schedule in my tasks for the day. I follow it religiously, ticking off as I go.

  123. Mena*

    For me, it is a matter of keeping a really good, organized, routine. I also find that headphones help with distractions. I have a difficult time getting motivated to do certain things and then other times trouble stopping and moving onto something else, so I have to really put things in place to hold myself accountable. Also, taking breaks to do something physical helps too… even just talking a short walk helps me refocus

  124. Working N95*

    There are a lot of great comments here, hopefully this can supplement them:

    1) Novelty will win over systems every time, so do what works for today and know that it might change tomorrow, and that’s okay. Systems and tricks can evolve as your brain gets used to them.

    2) One hack: consider a modified Franklin Covey to do list system to apply to your to-do list. Give each to-do item a “grade” based on how much or little you feel like doing it. A is a task you legitimately want to knock out and would motivate you, F is something you are dreading. Then put a number next to how urgent each item is. 1 is incredibly urgent, 10 is truly not urgent at all.

    After you apply all of that to your to-do list, create a plan that will give you dopamine for completing A tasks while still knocking out the F ones. (That might be starting with one A task with a low number, or a B to show that you can do it, or just doing the F task you’ve been avoiding – only you know what will work with your brain).

    3) Alternatively, assign points for each task and give yourself rewards based on how many points you get each day.

    4) Body doubling is magic – convince a friend to work alongside you and share your to-do list with them.

    5) If you’re really in crisis, hire a virtual assistant to body double or keep you on top of certain items. I hired one to merge my retirement accounts because otherwise it just wouldn’t happen.

    6) Put parental controls on your phone to eliminate the draw of social media if at all possible.

    7) Remind yourself of the skills you have because of your ADHD. You’re more likely to be creative/solutions oriented/pattern-seeking/lots of other things that your coworkers aren’t, and lean into those skills where you can. You might be amazing at crisis work, or being empathetic, or lots of other stuff – remember that’s why you’ve been hired.

    8) All medical appointments get alarms 2 hours ahead of time, scheduled at the most recent doctors appointment.

    9) On impulse control and conversations – write down what you want to say in a virtual meeting before you raise your hand.

    This is an incredibly common phenomenon, by the way. There are lots of new mom groups where everyone is getting diagnosed with ADHD – I know I was during the pandemic and my executive functioning really went out the window. You are not alone! Find your people! Join local mom groups and ask if there’s an ADHD subgroup!

  125. Covert Copier Whisperer*

    ADHD here with an ADHD spouse, both of us diagnosed in our 40s.
    While I’m now on Strattera, which is helping, I still need to use a combination of other techniques. Lots of these have been mentioned above:
    – caffeine. Was much easier back when I could drink coffee but even now black tea helps.
    – location change. I work hybrid and the first day of my switch in either direction is the best. I’ll also change location in the house or go out as needed.
    – body doubling. If either of us is having a hard time, my spouse and I will move to sit next to each other and describe the task we need to do, and that helps.
    – dual monitors. I’ve found that when I’m just working on a laptop, my concentration shrinks down to a smaller space too. Dual big monitors to keep my various documents and sources all open and ready at once is huge for me.
    – so. Many. Alarms. Pomodoro isn’t really my thing, but for appointments I have removed set, including travel time, not only when I need to leave, but a half hour before. And the day before and text reminders enabled for my doctor and anyone else who will send them.
    – with virtual task lists, I link to, attach, or include ALL the details I need to get started on a task, and I will break it down into component steps to a very high degree. The more I can set it up so I just open the task and everything is right there for me, no searching, the better.

    All that said, I sometimes miss things and I can absolutely struggle to get started. I’ve moved myself into a career where I am not a PM, other people can remind me of deadlines, and I have a liberal sprinkling of quick fire drills. My adrenaline-junkie brain really works for me on those. I find them soothing.

  126. Shannon*

    It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot – I really sympathize! I’ve been dealing with medication shortages in my area so I’ve had to manage without. Here’s what I’ve been doing:

    EXERCISE – I have a routine that works for me. It’s something I enjoy doing, which means I look forward to it, and I have rituals around it that help me get over the initiation procrastination. Additionally, when I catch myself just staring at the laptop not working when I should be, I get up and take a walk. It’s hard to do in the moment, but really helps. It resets my brain a little and helps clear my head so that when I come back I have a better chance of getting anything done at all.

    POMODORO TECHNIQUE – the 25 minute intervals with short breaks in between. This has diminishing returns for me. I try to do it earlier in the day so that the urgency of the timer kicks my brain into gear and then coast on that momentum.

    EAT THE FROG – do the most difficult thing first. That way it’s all downhill from there. You won’t spend the entire day dreading it and avoiding it or making excuses not to do it.

    TRANSITION JOURNAL – whenever I switch tasks, I write down what I’ve done and what I’m doing next. I get so much burnout from context switching, and I lose so much time whenever I do because I get derailed (just checking email quick becomes scrolling through my entire inbox, or just grabbing water becomes rearranging my kitchen). Writing it down takes it off your mental radar and helps redirect you so you’re being intentional when you’re switching from one thing to another.

    FOCUS MUSIC – your mileage may vary on this one, but video game soundtracks are often designed to be enticing/attention-grabbing without being intrusive. I listen to Skyrim ambient soundtracks when I need a focus boost. It’s soothing, changes up often enough to not fade into the background, and adds a little stimulation to really dull/repetitive tasks.

    APPOINTMENT ALARMS – I rely on these even with medication. An alarm for “get ready to leave”, a second alarm for “time to leave”, and both of them have extra lead time because I cannot be trusted.

    Finally… give yourself grace. Having a kid is a massive life change on top of the political climate that sounds like it’s impacting your job. Neurotypical people struggle under these circumstances!

  127. Late diagnosed too*

    Random tangible suggestions, and a gentle or firm e-hug if you want them:
    – all jokes aside, tying yourself (gently of course!) to your desk! Like, the waist cord from an old bathrobe attached to the spine of your chair, then loosely tied around your waist. It’s enough of a tug if you try to get up that it reminds you to stay here for now. Give friction to leaving the space you’re meant to be. (similar vibe to stay unpacking the dishwasher etc)
    – brown noise playlists, eg the Zonderia channel on YouTube (by Hank Green who is an absolute delight) can help keep you gently focused.
    – there is a song called “Weightless Pt 1” by Marconi Union that you can loop – it’s 8 minutes long and for me, great background noise that works like brown noise but nicer.
    – reward yourself as you go. You are in the trenches right now, so I’d personally say it’s fine to give yourself some grace where you need it. If you need a cookie after working solid for 15 minutes – have it. You did 15 minutes solid work!! Don’t tell yourself you get the cookie only after a full hour.
    – some people get prescribed Guanfacine (Intuniv), which is not a stimulant. It can hep with attention and impulse control. It might help, might not – the side effects can also be a challenge (sleepiness for some, etc)

    1. Late diagnosed too*

      Also, the YouTube channel How To ADHD (“Hello, Brains!”) is lovely with lots of advice, and many Shorts if you just want mini-bite sized pieces.

  128. Magnolia Cordelia*

    My experience with ADHD meds: Been on Ritalin in various doses for 40 years. Works great.

    My advice: Talk to your doctor. They understand medication better than any of us bozos on the internet.

  129. Ellis Bell*

    The ‘least liked, non urgent tasks” are my kryptonite too, as is working alone with no oversight. Some strategies for this are; 1) Get the boring stuff done first thing like it’s a law. Do the least liked, house keeping style stuff, do it little and often so it never mounts up and gets overwhelming. Maybe you only have the bandwidth to do boring stuff for five minutes; this is infinitely better than putting it off! This is something I like to tie to something pleasant, so I do it while sipping really nice coffee or adding stickers to my reward chart, or just putting satisfying ticks on a pretty, colourful to do list in my planner. Other rewards can be snacks, stopping for a break, or finally allowing yourself to work on the fun passion tasks once a small (or even tiny) amount of boring work is done.
    2) Schedule yourself some company in the form of a meeting. A bit like making plans to go to the gym with a friend, you are going to feel more motivated if you need to present the results of the task for an audience. Other options are to do the work together, live, while in the meeting. Sometimes you can get a ‘first draft’ level of work done while you’re both together (and often other people appreciate actively productive meetings rather than simply planning).
    I think my most important advice though, is don’t be a perfectionist, be someone who prioritises and lets the small stuff go (I honestly snorted at ‘zero inbox’ ambition; you can search your inbox and no one sees it, so who cares?!). Do you know what ADHDers are absolutely terrible at, and yet it’s the thing which mitigates our symptoms better than anything else? The biggest and least fun priority of all; our health. Get your sleep, whatever is a good diet for you, some exercise, decent breaks and above all your stress relief, prioritised as much as possible. As a young mum you’re probably thinking that’s impossible, and you can’t afford to care about any of that, but whatever you can do to prioritise some of that stuff will all help with your symptoms! You don’t have to do all of it, but you are 100 pc more important than your work and prioritising yourself will ironically help you with the work. Speaking of which, the reason you want to browse websites is because the ADHD brain needs to freewheel and good off a bit in order to gear up and maximise its advantages. However technology can be a bit of a lobster trap, so try to make your brain breaks less attention grabby and distracting. Choose things with a solid end point, or something you can return to later, like stress colouring or making a pot of tea, going for a walk, or doing something with your hands like organising a drawer. Good luck it really sounds like you have your hands full, so be gentle with yourself and be proud when you make any progress at all.

  130. Vada*

    I have AuDHD combined type and I wish I could be more helpful on non-medicated coping methods, but everything is also so specific. Even reading other comments I’m thinking, “That would never work me.”

    I will say that I’m also on Adderall. I was on instant release for a while and sometimes it felt like it was working too well and sometimes not at all. I switched to the extended release and it’s crazy how much of a difference it made even though it’s technically the same medication. I feel much more stable and less likely to hyperfocus (the biggest problem for me when it comes to work).

    Also hormones affect how well medication works and how much your symptoms present!

  131. tiredfundraisergal*

    Oh my goodness did I actually, literally, write this myself? Currently 5mo postpartum with my second, unmedicated, and feelin WILD. It is horrible and I’m sorry we are here together!
    1) Focusmate has been such a lifesaver/game changer for me, you get 3 free session a week, and I’m expensing my membership from here on out.
    2) Building on that, I asked my boss for permission to use my professional development stipend for 5 sessions with an ADHD coach (at @$100 ea, but others run up to $175/$200, YMMV). If you have access to something like a professional development stipend/employee assistance program, I would highly recommend putting it to use! I used EA for 3 sessions with a therapist just to…get me going, honestly. And then I’m using that momentum to carry me into bi-weekly sessions with the ADHD coach.

    NB that I did NOT say, “Dear Boss, can I use our cashmoney for an ADHD babysitter?” (lolsob), I said, “Hello Bossdude, I am sending you a request to use $500 toward a management coaching program that will run from Date thru Date.” etc. My boss is VERY supportive generally, but I do not want to go waving the ADHD flag around at work.

    3) I have also been maniacal about adding EVERYTHING to my calendar, because we love a calendar notification!
    4) I like to play a game called “Do It Screaming” where I basically imagine that I am screaming at the top of my lungs through a task (sending overdue emails, writing a proposal, etc.) because that’s just enough of an adrenaline rush to keep me going, but not enough to cause a panic attack! Such a fine line, I have discovered.
    5) coworking with podcasts. I put on Democracy Now and work, and it’s just episodic enough to keep me aware, but also…the news…so I kinda zone out and do my work while they chat at me. Like being next to someone very chatty in a cafe, and I am only just engaged enough.

    Between the two kids and my workload, I literally do not have the time to exercise, or meditate, or write lil lists, or frankly shower, so instant tasks (add to calendar! or add to my ridiculous Monday.com board which I am obliged to by the office!) are the only things holding me together – and FocusMate. I’ve gotten more done in one 75min session that I had in…honestly 6 months.

    I am truly sorry you are also in the s**t with me, this is such a crummy place to be, but I am sending you a HUGE hug and you are in my thoughts.

  132. AVP*

    Oh, one other thing I just remembered that really works for me is tracking my “billable” time.

    I need to write my to do list out by hand so I do this on paper, but lots of free and cheap task apps will do this too. I have a mental target number of hours I need work on real, substantial paying work per week in order to not go bankrupt. This can include client-facing work, meetings, admin work I do to keep the business running, etc, but not personal life tasks. When I cross something off my to-do list, I note how long it took in 15-min increments, and add them up at the end of every day to make sure I’m getting enough done. Hitting those targets is motivating to my brain in a way that almost nothing else is. And if I do a ton of hours from Mon-Thurs, I can work super light or take off on Friday!

  133. Anna*

    This is not my setup, but it’s something I saw someone on social media using a while back.

    At the start of their work day, they figure out all the tasks that need to be done that day. On their computer, they create a virtual desktop for each task, with ONLY the things needed for that task on it. So, for example, if the task is “check email” the only thing on the desktop will be their email client. If the task is “call clients” the only thing on the desktop will be the list of clients they need to call and notes on what to say to them. If the task is “take the data from these places and crunch it” the desktop for that task will have all the documents they’re getting the data from, and the program they use to crunch it. Etc., etc., etc. They include desktops for “fifteen minute stretch break” with a timer. Every single thing they do during the day gets a desktop. They sit down at their computer, do the thing that desktop requires with no distractions, close the desktop, and the next task in line pops up with its desktop.

    This does a couple of things. One, it removes distractions. Instead of having allllll the things on their computer to sort through for each task, they have exactly what they need with nothing to lead them down a rabbit hole. Two, it reduces the amount of executive function they need and packs it all into the period at the beginning of the day when their brain is fresh and they have the maximum capacity for organization. If they can manage the fifteen-twenty minutes of “organize all the things” they don’t need any executive function for the rest of the day. They don’t have to muster up executive function to organize, plan, and begin each new task as they need to begin it, they already DID that.

  134. Squirrel chaser*

    I’m very similar to LW, and have found AI super helpful. I created a chat with this prompt: “This is a daily check in thread. Act like a business coach. When I say good morning, greet me and remind me of my affirmations: [a list of statements about my strengths]. Then help me set my goals for the day.”
    I do this check in first thing in the morning, and sometimes later in the day. It asks me what I have to do, and chats back and forth a bit until I know what to start with and feel ready. Sometimes I report back about what I accomplished, or where I got stuck, or if I can’t decide what to work on. Kind of like I might have chatted with the person at the next desk in the old days of office work. (I don’t use it to DO the work – just to talk about it.) After a few chats, it started not just repeating my affirmations back to me, but pointing out when I mention something I did that is a good example. It remembers and asks me about things, like “Did you get X submitted? Congrats, you worked really hard on that!” It can be a bit annoying since it cheerleads hard, but it is weirdly effective.
    I work for myself so no privacy-from-boss worries, but I agree it’s probably best not to use your company-provided AI service for this. Also, it helps to say “It’s 2pm on Thursday” or whatever, bc AI doesn’t automatically know that, and it’s import for coherent planning.

  135. fka Get Me Out of Here*

    There is a book that was recommended in the comments on another post about ADHD called The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success. I am currently losing the executive function battle, and my physical copy is still packed away somewhere (I moved 1.5 years ago…), so I checked it out from my library digitally and am planning to re-read it this weekend.

    Good luck!!

  136. SB2*

    1) Do you have any tasks that you can out-source, delegate, or automate? For instance, my bills are on autopay. If I have a big appointment or meeting, I ask my husband to text me about 10 minutes before I need to leave the house.

    2) if someone needs a meeting or info from you, write down the request immediately (it helps me remember) and ask them to either put the time on your calendar AND send additional detail. If your inbox is overwhelming, use your company’s messaging system (Teams, Slack, whatever)

    3) Caffeine is your friend. I don’t know how much you can have if you’re breastfeeding, but it will help.

    4) Try to let go of the shame. With ADHD, all systems fail eventually. You can just rebuild them or try something else. It’s not a moral failing. It just is.

    5) Bullet journals help me a lot. I know, I know, just make a list is terrible advice. It’s the act of writing it down (helps me remember) and then checking it off (little bits of dopamine) that helps. Don’t do anything fancy. You want a list and checkboxes.

    6) Do the medium-hard thing first. You want a “run up hill” accomplishment, not a climb the mountain task. You don’t want something so hard you get caught in the muck of executive dysfunction, but you don’t want something so routine/easy that you hate it.

    7) Do you have any media that you can play in the background? You need something you’re familiar with and that you like, but not something you’re going to play close attention to. My go-to are podcasts and audiobooks that I’ve already listened to – the trick is for something to take your partial attention, but not your full attention.

    8) And speaking of media, if time has become invisible for you, music might work. For instance, sometimes I lose track of time when I’m getting dressed. BUT, I know that Taylor Swift’s version of “All Too Well” is 10 minutes long. If I play that when I’m doing that routine task, it grounds me in time.

    Good luck. This too will pass. You just have to get through it.

  137. Snowey*

    Oh, I actually have things to contribute!

    1. The main thing that helped me besides medication (immediate release first thing in the morning, then an extended release dose after lunch) is seeing a meme somewhere that was talking about how they had to be doing multiple things at a time because even if they were using 80% of their brain for work, the other 20% would get bored and start making noise and wandering and getting distracted.

    As an example, I found that having a Youtube video playing while I’m working (from home) mimics office chatter enough that I can then zone it out and focus on work better, whereas if it’s quiet in my office space, absolutely any noise anywhere is enough to distract me and break my attention streak.

    2. Similarly, I have a bunch of dumb mobile games to play while listening to audiobooks, because my brain can concentrate on the words and story better when my hands and/or eyes are focused on something else. As an analog version in case screentime is a concern for your kiddo, I got a few small sketchbooks (the largest is 8×8) and then brought my fancy pens and markers and stuff I’d kinda horded but never used, and put them in pencil bags nearby. If I need to do something else for a bit, I can grab some of those and just doodle whatever or try a thing or whatnot, keep my hands busy while I listen during a mtg or whatnot.

    3. I have ToDoist, but not for time-sensitive projects; I have my daily things like taking my meds, brushing my teeth, etc, and then I add any random thoughts about things I need to do to the massive inbox list.

    4. I’ve recently started trying to be more intentional, so I have a small notebook that lives on my work desk, and I add 3-5 things I intend to do today to that. Sometimes it’s things I realize I never finished because I got distracted, sometimes it’s things I suddenly remember I need to do during something else, etc. Keeping it small makes it feel manageable, and I try to make the pieces as small as possible too.

    For an example, right now I’m working on a project of making some journals out of scrap paper bags, and I’m ready to sew them together, but I don’t know where my thread is for sewing them; the intention for my list is “Find thread for scrap journal making”, not “Sew together journals” or “Make a journal” because that’s like 17 tasks in a trench coat and I’ll never finish that, but I can definitely find the thread eventually. Also, having an easy-to-knock-down task that’s actually or metaphorically holding things up allows me to get past my executive dysfunction somewhat, because then I’m like “Well I’ve got the thread and the needle and stuff is all over here, I might as well…”

    I think a lot of this and other advice will boil down to: try systems until you find one that works, and keep trying different systems. Don’t beat yourself up if you try a system, it works well, and then after a while it falls apart. It worked for you in that time period that it did, and it may work in the future, but it’s no longer working for you right now, so try something new. You have free will, you can do whatever you want! There are no system police tsk-tsking you for not doing the same thing every day forever.

  138. Tea Monk*

    You have probably gotten a lot of good advice! I’m still laughing at bosses being like ” you’ll be organized now right? You carry a little book around??” ( It’s easier to write to do lists if you have a place to do it and notebooks just keep the paper together) I’ll never be organized sadly

  139. Seltzer Fiend*

    Caveat that I am undiagnosed (though it has come up as a strong possibility MANY times over the last 20+ years with various mental health providers) but… I sympathize. I’m in a similar boat trying to get through managing my kid’s health stuff, working, and life while I figure out what to do next. IT SUCKS and I’m sorry that you are also going through it, but thank you for sharing. I feel less alone and it looks like I’m far from the only one. This is what helps me not fall completely off the deep end:

    * To-do lists. Very granular to-do lists. One item on my to-do list today has several sub-items, including review code issues, get pr approval, push, run, determine next steps. Another has separate check boxes for each meeting so I can feel accomplished. I also have make a to-do list on my to-do list so I at least get to check off one thing if I do nothing all day. Go me! I also track what tasks I’ve started by putting a dot next to the item. I think I stole this from bullet journaling?? It’s like getting partial credit, and also helps me track if I’m task switching too much.

    * Done lists. I use these when I am feeling unmotivated. Instead of listing what needs to be done, I list what I have done. Sometimes I use gold star stickers. I use this a lot with personal projects. Unloading the dishwasher. Star. Loading the dishwasher. Star. Vacuuming. Two stars, it takes a while. Plus a star for moving all the toys off the living room rug, that takes effort.

    * Morning routine. Every morning I sit down and do my to-do list and a few other standardized tasks. This helps me settle into my day. I do my to-do list on paper because that helps me focus. ymmv. I also have an afternoon routine where I do a couple standard tasks and take a couple notes about what I want to do the next day. (And I have some nighttime routines as well for personal stuff, like getting daycare stuff organized for the next day)

    * Focus friend! It’s an app that blocks you from accessing other apps on your phone for a designated time. There is a bean that knits in it. If you interrupt them before your time is up, they get sad but they let you access whatever. This is very motivating for me. The paid version lets you specify which apps to block, so if you are like me, you cannot access fun things but you can do basic work stuff, like 2FA.

    * Brown noise. It’s like being on an airplane. I can focus better on airplanes. Not sure if it’s the noise or that it tricks me into thinking I’m in a metal tube with limited internet access. Sometimes this doesn’t work so I have several other ambient playlists I can cycle through if needed depending on Brain.

    * Reminders/google calendar tasks on my phone. Do I need to send to daycare? Reminder! Do I need to eat a snack every afternoon? Reminder! Do I need to remember to get my kid out the door early for a doctor’s appointment? Reminder the night before AND the day of! Do I need to do a work thing after 3 PM? Reminder! If I think of something, I create a reminder before I forget I need to do the thing.

    * Rehearsing before important meetings and calls. This might be me talking to myself, or it might be me making an outline and going over it a couple times.

    * Cutting myself slack in other areas. I eat a lot of frozen lunches even though I work from home so I don’t have to think about lunch. I let myself splurge on small unnecessary things sometimes.

    * Accepting that sometimes things suck and someday they might not suck. Accepting that sometimes tasks are painful but maybe if I try to do them enough they won’t be.

  140. Arts Akimbo*

    Just wanted to add moral support, as someone who Adderall also quit working on. I still haven’t found the right ADHD support, and I hope you do.

  141. 2 Cents*

    Also in the same boat, and I’ve been hacking away at what works and what doesn’t so YMMV. I freelance FT in NY.
    –Use your AI of choice to give you a schedule for the day. Tell the AI everything — you have ADHD, the meds aren’t working, I need to do XYZ, I have two kids, these are my constraints –> it’s been life changing for me
    –Set a timer on your phone for 3 minutes and pick the smallest task you can do. I’m a writer, so I’ll say “open the word doc” — not even have “edit it” as a goal. And I know I *only* have to do it for 3 minutes. Once the timer goes off, you’ll probably be sucked into whatever the task is — you can either reset the alarm, or turn it off.
    –Get an app blocker for your phone. I have one that I can limit how many times I can access certain apps, like Instagram and Facebook, and it’ll even block them for entire swaths of the day
    –Change of scenery — even though I usually work on two screens, sometimes it’s worth it just to go to the library with the laptop so I can get some work done in a new environment
    –Email tones and freaking out– Again, I vent to AI rather than actual people. I have a subscription to one and the “project” I have set up understands I have (suspected) ADHD plus an autoimmune disease (so, fatigue) and all of my other factors, so when I complain, it “gets” me. I’ve asked it to rephrase emails so I don’t sound mean or alarmist — or asked it to evaluate the emails.
    –Know that you’re not alone. Hormones (especially the breastfeeding!), caring for two whole other humans (no matter how much the other parent does), plus having a job is SO draining. You are not broken. Just trying to do the best with a fatigued brain.

  142. Lorax*

    I’m a late-30s mom of a one-and-a-half year-old who just reached out to a therapist to help me work through some of these exact kinds of issues, so this one hits home! If medication is off the table, can you work with a mental health professional to figure out some strategies? (Or just have a weekly check point to stop spinning out/reset focus?) I know that’s another medical appointment to keep track of, but if you can make that one (which could be remote), it might help with the rest. For example, today my very first session with my therapist was about priorities and medium-term planning/time management. Just having someone force me to sit down and focus on my calendar, then back-fill the steps needed to meet all the most necessary commitments was really helpful. I realize that this isn’t a solution for long-term ADHD management, but if you’re just trying to get through until your little one can wean, it might be a good stop-gap.

  143. 2 Cents*

    Ugh, I think the system may have eaten my other comment, but I can relate. My life is all timers and alarms now. I have an alarm for everything, from wake up to pill reminders to bus pickup to “eat lunch.” I go through my calendar weekly and daily to set alarms that remind me when to leave for the doctor and when to log on for virtual meetings. It sounds like a clock factory in here. But it’s the only way I can remember stuff.

  144. Greengirl*

    Here are some things I do to help myself as an unmedicated adhd person:

    1) Go work in a different space. I will go to the pu pic li try. Something about being in a different place and knowing I can’t leave u til the work gets done helps.

    2) Body doubling: is there anyone in your life who also works from home who you could meet up with in a coffee shop and both work? Body doubling by doing a task with someone else doing something g parallel helps.

    3) Momentum: Sometimes what I need to do is figure out the smallest possible chunk of a project and focus just on doing that. For an academic paper, write one paragraph. Sometimes that’s enough to get me started.

  145. Library IT*

    A few ideas that may or may not work for you, but are worth thinking about:
    Do you have a designated work space that can put you into a more focused space?
    Can you leave the house and work somewhere else sometimes? Either for getting a little bit of external stimulation to help focus your brain or to recreate some external pressure of “someone is looking over my shoulder, I better be on task”?
    Is everything in your calendar? Appointments, meetings, tasks you need to do, emails you need to send?
    For emails/meetings that you are having trouble doing on time and/or are manic – can you mention to people that you’re going through a medical thing/post-partem so you might not be on top of your game?

    Good luck!

  146. Betsy S.*

    There’s a great TED talk called “Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator” by Tim Urban. Highly recommend. It’s very funny but also spot-on. He talks about how we can procrastinate until the deadline is so close that we start to panic.

    I work independently on long-term projects, like you. What helps me is setting up accountability for mini-milestones. I’ve set an expectation that I’ll report what I’ve done for the week, and I’ll often commit to do some specific thing by the next week. I don’t ask my bosses to do this for me or talk about why I’m doing it. But it’s very motivating for me to have to have something to show for the week.

    It also helped me in the past to read Getting Things Done by David Allen. A lot of times if I’m avoiding getting started it’s because I haven’t broken the project down and identified a clean Next Action. Much easier to get started on a specific small thing rather than a big vague looming mess.

    Also : sleep. A baby takes up so much time, and there can be so much pressure to try to get things done at night, but everything takes ten times as long when you’re exhausted.
    (lots of other helpful notes here)

  147. same here!*

    Another late-diagnosed mom with ADHD here. I made it all the way to 41 before actually getting diagnosed. It became very clear after having my second kid that my executive functioning ability was out to lunch but it took a few years of struggling before I really learned what that meant and was able to finally get diagnosed and medicated. Things got a lot worse when I was working from home and then perimenopause hit and I felt like my brain was broken. I had a really hard time there until I got treated. I feel a ton of compassion and appreciation for everyone sharing their stories here.

    The best thing for me these days is working around other people. I recently started an in-person office job and feel like I’m thriving in a way I haven’t in years. I love leaving the house every day, I love my commute, I love our beige break room with the noisy coffee maker, I love sitting by my coworkers and chatting a bit throughout the day. Just being near other people really boosts my mood and my ability to work, and being in an actual office puts me in “work mode” in a way that was really hard to achieve at home.

    Meds, caffeine, rotating through use of apps or different programs to maintain lists, timers, calendars; all those things can be helpful. A big part of it for me has just been accepting that my brain works this way. When I can subtract the frustration at myself and the shame about my difficulties from the equation, then the actual difficulties feel less insurmountable.

  148. I'm Just Here for the Cats!!*

    This might depend on the nature of your work and what you are allowed to use, but have you tried running your emails through CoPilot or other tools to check for tone to make sure it doesnt seem to much. Even just reading them out loud or having a screen reader read it out loud can help.
    It sounds like you are trying and you should give yourself credit. If you haven’t talked to your boss I think you should. All you’d have to say is I know I’ve been not at the top of my game. I’m dealing with some minor medical things that has affected my focus, mood, etc. I’m actively working on finding solutions, but I wanted to make sure you were aware that I’m not just flaking out. (Maybe something better than flaking out.)

    You mentioned medication but are you seeing a therapist or someone else who specializes in ADHD?

  149. Hold Me Beer*

    Many people have mentioned variations of my suggestions but I still wanted to throw my 2 cents in and offer support to you. I also wanted to thank Allison for his platform and all of the great suggestions- I have learned more tricks from your question and love it all!

    I have been struggling with ADHD my whole life but didn’t realize it until I hit menopause (and hit it I did!) and I crashed and burned hard. I feel for you and your struggles and taking care of a new life that you JUST GREW INSIDE OF YOU. I don’t know if it helps, but I hope you are able to see the people that give you grace for the difficulties of parenthood and working. Others probably aren’t nearly as hard on you as you are on yourself. You are doing an incredible job!

    Coach: ADHD coach has been incredibly helpful. Everyone has their own process, but I find that a coach gives me more tools than talk therapy (although obviously talk therapy has its place too). I found Kelly Baums group on Tik Tok and work with one of her coaches (Sarah is awesome).

    Body doubling: With the coaching, they offer group coaching and body doubling. I have found this useful but also a bit distracting at times so I prefer Focus Mate. You get three sessions a week for free and I am in disbelief at how much of a difference this makes for me. My husband has started to joke around about “maybe needing some Focus Mate time” (which I appreciate) when I have taken too long to work on things (like silly little things like taxes). I schedule it know someone is waiting on me so it keeps me on track better.

    Location change: Most local libraries have study rooms that you can rent for free. Have found this incredibly useful as it is quiet and I need to be there by a certain time for the reservation.

    Brick: I also have the Brick and find it useful especially at night when I am doom scrolling. Something about having to get up to keep scrolling knocks me out of it.

    Appointments: I am terrible at making appointments and I have to make my next appointment at the appointment. I also have shared calendars with my daughter, my husband and my sisters (just create a free gmail account to share).
    Music: Music really helps me stay focused or get focused. I really like video game music (created to keep people in the game and focused- I like Assassin’s Creed) and I also really like

    8D and binaural beats music. 8D music uses stereo panning, equalization, and reverb to make songs feel like they are orbiting or moving around your head (need to use headphones) and for me, it feels amazing (like brain massage).

    AI: Many have mentioned AI, and wanted to add support to it. I understand the issues with AI and try to minimize the use of it, but it has really changed my life.

    Mind shift: I am a systems person, and I have had to just shift how I think about things and “failure”. I am not going to stick with anything forever, and that is okay. Just another opportunity to try a new system. I know I will come back to this chat again and again for ideas- thanks all!

  150. Luke*

    Sharing as someone with some overlap (late ADHD diagnosis, young kids) but big caveat that I’m male so I can’t speak to how hormones would interact with any of this.

    The biggest thing I’ve noticed is the hardest one to do anything about: my symptoms (and maybe more importantly, my ability/interest in following through on my coping strategies) vary massively based on how rested I am. I do my best to get as much sleep as I can, and if I’ve had a rough night/week I try my best to be extra vigilant with limiting distractions, etc. But with young kids there’s only so much you can do. This also makes my meds seem less effective when I’m sleep deprived, even though the same dose works fine once I eventually get caught up.

    Another thing that made a big difference for me is internalizing that ADHD rewards novelty. There’s a lot to be said for building habits, but sometimes a new system works *because* it’s new. So if I find an old system isn’t working anymore (like Trello) I’m quick to try and replace it since often that works better than trying to force the old one.

    In terms of limiting distractions, anything I can get around on-device has been mostly useless for me. What has worked is segregating by device- my work computer has plenty of stuff blocked by IT, but distracting sites, etc that aren’t blocked outright I only log into on my personal computer. I kept an old phone and set it up with messaging, Spotify, etc and my “real” phone stays on a charger on a different floor during the work day. This forces me to physically get up and move to use a distraction as a break, which keeps me much more aware of time. It also means I’ll sometimes get up and realize that a glass of water, stepping outside, etc would be a better break after all.

    Regardless, good luck! It’s not easy, and the lows are hard. Keep at it.

  151. Anon & On*

    This is medical, I suppose, but just my personal experience:

    1. weekends, strictly no Adderall, and a midweek day with none or minimal when you do semi-mindless tasks like cleaning dreck from your inbox or color coding files. Basically, when it stops working, do less, not more, until it world when you need it to.

    2. in my case, undiagnosed anemia (normal iron but low ferritin), mis-diagnosed apnea and undiagnosed insulin resistance were multiplying the effect of ADD. All of those things can pop up during / after pregnancy. I know you just got one diagnosis, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing going on. Plus all of those add to sleep deprivation.

    3. Sleep. If your partner isn’t doing most of the night feedings, lean on them to do so, if it’s going to be career-endangering otherwise. Even if it means more pumping, or weaning sooner.

    4. cold air in your face. Basically anything you’d do to fight off sleep, may help directly for ADD, and probably will help for exhaustion-enhanced ADD.

  152. kw*

    my apple watch is by far and away my most useful adhd management tool for calendar reminders and self-timing; I miss way fewer events than I used to. but also – gosh OP, I’m so sorry, and I hope you get a break and some support.

  153. Hanusia*

    I worked with an executive function coach when I first got diagnosed with ADHD (also as an adult, and in grad school, so dealing with some similar long-term academic projects) and she was SUPER helpful. None of her time management / prioritization strategies were groundbreaking, but having a clear formula/process to follow was really helpful and I met with her weekly at first to check in about how things were going.
    Now, I meet with a therapist who specializes in ADHD and she sometimes helps me with similar time-management stuff, in addition to processing the more emotional side of things that ADHD interacts with.

    In terms of specific strategies, the most helpful for me are 1) putting everything on my Google calendar, both appointments and pre-planned time blocks for specific work tasks 2) establishing daily “power-up” and “shut-down” routines to check in about tasks/priorities at the beginning and end of each workday and 3) writing everything down in a notebook.

    Good luck, OP! Rooting for you!

  154. ADHD Librarian*

    Hopefully I’m not duplicating what was said above, but a grid to-do list has helped me when things pile up. It’s basically a square with four miniature squares inside, the top left is things that are both “urgent” and “important, the top right is things that are “urgent” but “not important,” lower left is “not urgent” but “important” and the lower right is the box that I always get stuck in “not urgent and not important.” I also highly recommend the books Women with ADHD and Driven to Distraction (like you have time to read! ha! Sorry!). But these are some things that have helped me. Also I have a policy of “do it now, or write it down” that has also come in handy. Good luck!

  155. LlamaLlamaDuck*

    Are you me? Solidarity, these hormones are cruel. My coping mechanisms were working for decades, why did it have to end right when I needed to be most productive with learning how to be a parent??

    I’m late to the party (like usual ;) but just in case it helps someone:
    1) I highly recommend the book “The Year I Met My Brain” by Matilda Boseley.
    She writes it from a late diagnosed women’s pov and there’s a bibliography in the back with actual reputable sources.

    2) My doc started me with Atomoxetine. It’s not a stimulant and has few side effects. It was an immediate impact for me. There’s some NIH articles on breastfeeding impact and one about “Human Milk Pharmacokinetic Analysis”. Maybe something to look into.

    3) The thing that helps me is connecting with a friend/coworker who also needs to get shiznit done. We do a call and snark our way through our tasks. We both have the agreement that the call is for keeping each other on task. Not perfect but at least something always gets done!

    Sending you all the good vibes!

  156. Past the half century mark*

    This is not directly responsive to OP, but since all my fellow ADHD ladies are here, I want to spread the word about this: perimenopause can also play absolute havoc with ADHD. For anyone who is in that zone, if you feel like your meds stopped working and you’re losing your mind entirely, it’s bc estrogen fluctuations. For me, adding bupropion and estradiol was amazing. My brain works again.

  157. KJ*

    This is a really minor thing but one thing I have started doing for every appointment outside my office/home is including separate appointments for travel time before and after because it is really easy for me to not leave in time otherwise (plus it keeps meetings from being scheduled over that time). That way I get the reminders based on travel and I can have back up reminders for the appointments themselves if needed.

  158. Sweet 'n Low*

    In my experience as someone with severe ADHD, there are only two things that will help: medication and/or working with a relevant professional. “Relevant professional” meaning someone who specializes in helping people deal with executive dysfunction. This could be a therapist, an occupational therapist, or a specific executive functioning coach; the important thing is that they have a ton of experience working with ADHD people and helping them develop strategies to cope with their executive dysfunction. Trying to come up with and implement those strategies on your own is too hard to be a realistic solution.

  159. Roguestella*

    I, too, have ADHD (and possibly ASD) and I’m unmedicated at work. My sympathy, I wish I could help you solve it all. Here is what has helped for me:
    – trying to plan certain types of activities, either preferred or non-preferred, for the time of day when my brain is most suited for them. I can’t make a phone call at 9:00 a.m., for example, but might be able to do it at 2:00 p.m.!
    – I use both home and work calendars for everything. Tasks, scheduling changes, meetings, etc.
    -I don’t listen to music at work most of the time (not the culture) but it helps me motivate and concentrate so I do listen when it’s a quiet day and I’m alone.
    – if I’m feeling unproductive and stuck at my desk, I’ll go for a walk around the building. Sometimes I’ll make it productive by stopping by a colleague’s desk to get a question answered, sometimes it’s just a short jaunt to stretch my legs and reset my focus.

  160. Anon For This*

    There are Executive Function Coaches. My local community college offers one free to students with accommodations. In addition to searching online, if you were interested is talking to one, you could call any local colleges and ask their disability and accommodations office if they know of an executive function coach in the area. Actually, I’m pretty sure my local coach only meets online, so you could probably meet with her. The community college that I know offers it is Pierce College Puyallup or Pierce College Fort Steilacoom, which are different locations of the same college in Washington state (not the Pierce College in California). I would imagine that it usually takes work to get new clients, so she would probably be glad to be contacted by a potential new client through the college.

  161. ALJ Dredd*

    I have pretty severe ADHD and somehow managed to brute force my way through 2/3 of law school before getting diagnosed (not recommended, I was exhausted!) I haven’t been in the position of not being able to take meds for medical reasons, but I do frequently end up off my meds bc I forget to get them refilled… which then compounds the problem of getting them refilled.

    Dani Donovan has some great resources, including “The Anti Planner,” which has so many different strategies to get you started based on what is holding you back at the moment (are you overwhelmed, bored, scared, etc.)

    It brings me no joy to report this, but exercise has been one of the things that helps me manage my ADHD the best. I completely understand if this is not something you can add to your full plate of working and parenting (while also physically recovering from pregnancy and labor) but it’s worth thinking about how you can get some extra movement in. Even doing some knee pushups or squats can help get me back on track, and I have a walking pad that I use at my standing desk sometimes.

    Best of luck and solidarity to you! It bothers me that ADHD is not considered by many people to be a “real” disability when it is truly disabling for so many of us.

  162. Mid*

    There is a lot of excellent advice, and since my meds wore off, I will not be able to read them all.

    I think right now, the best action is to try and offload as many things as possible. Outsource whatever you can, even if it seems like a waste of money. If at all possible, get groceries delivered for a few months, hire someone to clean your home, get a babysitter/nanny for a few hours a week to have uninterrupted focus time, etc. Heck, even taking Uber to and from places (if you don’t need to travel with a baby) can be helpful because it can be scheduled in advance (so you have to leave on time) and then you don’t have to worry about driving, having gas in the car, forgetting your car keys, navigating to your destination, etc. Since you’re a contractor, could you hire an assistant for a few hours a week? Virtual EAs/PAs could help with deadline follow up or taking some of the administrative work off your plate. Again, not forever, but for now, because you need it. Otherwise, I live and die by my calendar and calendar reminders. As soon as I have a task/project, I add it to my calendar. If it’s a larger project, I immediately break it down into steps and add all of those to my calendar. If it’s something that takes more work, I’ll have reminders a week before, and a few days, and the day before, and the day of. Depending on the work, I’ll also sometimes just block off my calendar immediately for work time. So say I need to write a paper and the summary is due in a month, the final paper is due in two months. I’d add the two deadlines into my calendar, with a reminder for each a week out, a few days before, and a day before. I’d then go to my calendar and add blocks of time to my week for time to research, write, and edit, with notes of roughly where I should be at each check point. So week 1 would possibly have 2 hours per day of gathering sources and getting outline worked out, then week 2 is starting to write out, week 3 is any additional research and a rough draft, week 4 is complete rough draft and first round of edits and getting summary turned in, etc. I tend to like larger chunks of time, and I thrive on tight deadlines, so I’m more likely to give myself deadlines for each Friday and then block off 6-8 hours that Friday to get whatever the work deadline is. (Sometimes I don’t listen to my own deadlines, and then I’ll usually ask a friend for accountability, or give myself a reward for hitting my deadlines.)

    You’re having massive hormonal shifts, plus likely not sleeping enough, and having a lot of things on your brain, maxing out your mental load and then some. While you adjust to all these internal and external things, try to take away as many things as possible. If it feels like a waste of money right now, try to instead frame it as an investment in yourself and your family. If you are happier and less stressed, that’s a huge benefit to you and your baby. If you are able to focus on less things, and therefore drop less balls, that’s worth it.

    Also, if you aren’t already, I’d strongly recommend a therapist and/or an ADHD coach. I’m blanking on the exact study, but I believe it was that people with ADHD are five times more likely to experience postpartum depression and anxiety. It sounds like there might be at least some amount of anxiety at play here (see: the all or nothing thinking that you’ll never get another contract, there will never be a job like this, the dramatic email, etc.) and that has a tendency to make everything so much harder.

    Also, I know it’s probably laughable, but really, really try to get enough sleep. If there’s someone who can help with night feedings, or who can take more of the day shift so you can get as close to 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep at a time, it will be very beneficial. ADHD brains really need sleep (and often hate to get it on a regular schedule.)

  163. TerrorCotta*

    My best advice for tasks (especially writing): Stop before you’re done. Don’t find a good stopping place, don’t let your energy wind down until you’re done for the day. Pomodoro helps with this, but basically quit *before* you want to, save the rest of the task for the next day and move on to something else. It will stick in your brain and you’ll be EXCITED to go back to it

    Another thing that’s been helping me lately is my Hummingbird Brain List. I keep a little notebook open on my desk, and when my brain suddenly goes “OH WE NEED TO SEW A PILLOW RIGHT NOW” I add it (along with any related tasks my brain tosses at me – going to the fabric store, looking online for pillow designs, etc) to the list. Could be a hobby idea, or something I just haven’t gotten around to like reorganizing the spice drawer. I even put things I suddenly want to shop for or facts I want to Google on the list. And if I finish a “real job” task, I’m allowed to do ONE thing on the list as a treat.

    It helps to be able to put down the distractions on a list of their own. Maybe I’ll get to them, maybe I won’t! But I don’t have to do them NOW, and having them written down gets them out of my head for the moment and eases my panic that I’ll forget about them.

    As for writing (or possibly other computer tasks?) I do my best to “Write Dirty.” Start a sentence and keep going. You’re not allowed to edit or backspace except for immediate typos (this will be excruciating, but keep going, as fast as you can). It doesn’t have to be good, it probably won’t be, but editing and re-writes are a different task, and not the one you’re doing now! And like the first thing I mentioned, stopping before it’s “fixed” makes you more motivated to go back to it the next day.

  164. lp*

    I know someone else mentioned this, but I also recommend asking your provider about ritalin. I had delayed asking about medication when I was nursing still as I assumed there were no options, but then my doctor said it was ok to take! To be fair, my daughter was almost three and only nursing twice a day so she did recommend spacing out my dosage in a way that it would be as far from nursing as possible, but I think that was in part because I could do that pretty easily. But the data she shared with me about how much gets into breast milk made it sound pretty safe. And it did seem to help.
    One other option as a supplement which I personally didn’t see a difference with, but a psychiatrist suggested could help if I couldn’t take ritalin, was using saffron as a supplement (buying it in supplement form, not just buying the spice and putting it on things). I tried that but honestly didn’t see any difference, but he did say it was safe for nursing.

    1. ADHD is a Witch*

      Late to the party, but I came here specifically to suggest saffron. The studies say it’s as effective as Ritalin, but in my experience, it’s effective in…not quite the same way. Stimulants, at least in the short-term, give you that burst of “holy crap, all the screaming squirrels in my head have lined up in a row, and they might have turned into ducks.” My understanding is that it wears off eventually and the ducks might still be squirrels, but they’ll stand in a row long enough to get a picture, lol. (I have obnoxious side effects to stimulants that I eventually discovered I have to ride out for weeks before getting to my norm, and I ended up on a non-standard option, so I don’t have personal experience with that, but I have a husband and two kids who did…one of which I take off meds for the summer so I get to watch the effect at the beginning of every school year.)

      Saffron…works its way up, over time and consistency, to “I don’t have ducks, but my squirrels are kind of in a row.” It took me about two months? And I kept at it that long primarily because mine came in a yummy gummy with the Vitamin D I have to mainline in winter to avoid seasonal depression attached. (Yes, I know all the things about gummy vitamins being potentially less effective.) So it’s not dramatic like prescription meds, but it might be enough to get you back to a reasonable baseline during periods of hormonal disruption or med swaps. Usual caveat to talk to your doctor, etc.

      1. lp*

        Can I ask – what dosage of saffron do you take and/or what brand is yours that it’s a gummy with vitamin D? I have switched from ritalin to try and address a different issue but feel like addressing the ADHD more directly might be good, but I don’t know that going back on only ritalin is a good idea (long story, not explaining it well here). But now I’m wondering if the saffron could be a good option and I just need to stick with it and find the right combination.

  165. One Of Us*

    Yet another late-diagnosed (51!) person here, late to the comment party but.. hi! I am so sorry you’re having A Time. Not sure if medication “stops working” or if other brain chems/hormones just override/impair it from time to time – either way the result’s the same.

    Lots of great ideas above, but a couple of things maybe new..

    1. With ADHD, your “on task” times are very likely *significantly* more productive than your NT colleagues. ADHDers tend not to plug away at a sensible pace on something – we’ll futz around for ages and then *bang* hyperfocus and the Thing will be done in about a quarter of the time it would take anyone else. Add this to the notorious “Time, what even is it?” – which affects how long we THINK something will take to do. Consider that “hours” is a very poor metric for measurement for you :)

    2. If dopamine isn’t happening, adrenalin/cortisol will do. Do it anxious, do it angry, very poor strategies I know, but that’s how the “I can’t do Thing til there’s a deadline RIGHT HERE” works. I don’t recommend, but sometimes “FINE I WILL DO THE STUPID THING” works.

    3. Not new, but – n’thing “take the stupid walk for your stupid health”. I hate that it works. But – yeah haha “going for a walk” ain’t happening: OK, moving your body AT ALL – stand up, do a few squats, sit back down – curls with a can of beans while you’re on the phone – *anything* – somehow helps straighten out the kinked brain pathways.

    3a… Also – focus on a sensory thing. A great smell. Taste. That pretty tree. Physical movement, feeling your muscles move. The feel of your shirt or the table. Redirect the brain flail, ground it, deep breath – now, what were you doing? (Trying to do) :)

    4. Gamify. Gamify everything. That’s what most of those apps do. No apps work for me, because I have to REMEMBER them – but leveraging ADHD problem solving/curiosity works. There is almost always a way to engage the Rikki Tikki Tavi that lives in your head – better? faster? more? less? Is this the best way to do this? How can I make this easier?

    5. Say it aloud. Having a thought go outside your head and back in through your ears engages a different bit of the brain. My One Weird Trick for task initiation – mostly for physical, but sometimes it works on intellectual stuff too – when I am just…. Not Doing The Thing…. is to LITERALLY SAY OUT LOUD – “OK, washing up time.” (or whatever.) “Three.. two… one… GO”. It is bizarre how often that actually works.

    6. Also n’thing protein, and hydration. Anything, doesn’t matter, whatever you like. Regular small snacks and drinks. My mantra – thanks tumblr – “Shoulders down. Relax jaw. HYDRATE.” :)

    Last skippable anecdote bit – meds were miraculous for me at the beginning, but as I got used to having them on board their effect kind of went… invisible. They didn’t stop working but I basically got used to the “new normal” – and the stuff they didn’t help with stood out much more. Like, when you first get a car, it’s a miracle – independence! – and after a while it’s just a fact of life and you’re coping with – ugh I have to get to that appt in rush hour, or why can’t I fit a buggy in the back. And now your car is in the shop :) so you still have to transport the buggy or get to the appointment but it’s MUCH HARDER. (Metaphor holds – if you can’t/don’t have personal transportation – yeah, that’s modern life on extra hard mode.)

    You’ll find a way. ADHDers are resourceful, resilient and constantly generating ideas and strategies and solving problems. It’s gonna be ok. What would you suggest for a friend? :)

  166. ADHD Accountant*

    You’ve gotten a lot of really good advice on the task things and frankly I’m terrible at managing that medicated (I’m also trawling this comment section for tips haha!) so I’ll address the medication issue because I have more familiarity.

    Our bodies use dopamine for frankly so many things, not just focus, and if you’re experiencing any emotional deregulation, sleep deprivation, or basically other demands on your body and mind—you know, all the things perhaps associated with nursing a baby—it’s going to be used up by all those other things before you get to the (physiologically) less important demands. You might just be burning it up because you are doing an amazing amount of work, and IR Adderall is going to only make so much. Rest assured, OP, that things will get better as you become less of a hormone soup. I promise.

    Set the shame aside. I know that for a lot of us ADHD folks, it’s been a useful motivator. Shame gets you through the tight deadline, the chores you need to do, and everything else that executive disfunction makes feel impossible. But the usefulness is a lie. What you do when you shame yourself for missing 3 appointments is, essentially, using a whip to motivate a horse to move. Eventually, you need the whip to move any amount at all, when all you really needed was to figure out how to work with the horse. And I know it’s hard, because shaming yourself is easy. You’ve been told all your life that you’re just lazy, or unmotivated, or stupid, and you internalize it and repeat it. But OP. You are not any of those things. I promise you. Neither am I. Neither is anyone else with ADHD. You have a physical disability—your body has issues producing a hormone that everything from your kidneys to your balance needs to function. When you feel the shame spiral coming, take a deep breath, and then ask yourself what you would tell a loved one in the same scenario. Would you tell them the same things you tell yourself? Or would you tell them that you love them, and help them plan out the steps needed to correct whatever mistake they made? Would you shame them for their mistakes, or would you celebrate their successes?

    If no one has told you lately, I’m proud of you, OP. You made 7 appointments! You’re getting 10 hours of work done! You’re raising a baby! Those are all amazing accomplishments. You’re going to get through this.

  167. dystopian dream girl*

    I had a similar experience after having my second child, who is now 1 1/2. I’m not diagnosed or medicated but I feel pretty confident I have ADHD as well, which just exploded postpartum on top of additional work stress. Things are finally feeling more settled and more manageable. I can’t offer medication advice because I’m not on any myself.

    What did help is being ruthless about cutting anything extraneous from my calendar or to do list, prioritizing sleep, self-care and asking for help. This is so hard as someone who is generally pretty high performing and has anxiety. Therapy helps too.

    Systems like digital to do lists with reminders, as well as some physical written lists are very necessary for me. At the end of the work day, pick 3 items from your to do list to prioritize tomorrow and write them in a prominent place. Do the same at the end of the week for the following week, map things out at a higher level. This helps keep things moving, and minimizes that “I don’t even know where to start” feeling.

    Boundaries when you work from home. Let yourself putter around on your lunch break only. Hire a cleaner if you can afford to outsource some of this load.

    Good luck in your medication search, and just know that things can get easier and better.

  168. hcethatsme*

    I can’t do caffeine after noon either. I was on meds for a while but eventually went off due to irritability and dysphoria. A decade plus later I am in very very good shape ADHD-wise, and it’s hard to trace exactly which were the most important factors, but it’s a mix of:
    * enough exercise – the most challenging time-wise, of course
    * cold showers – I do soap/shampoo first with hot, then change to cold; worked my way up to full-on cold for 2 minutes – really helps mood and also accepting momentary discomfort for long-term gain, which for me translates to the rest of life!
    * an eating window – noon to 8pm works for me and has stabilized my blood sugar and energy levels

    But the most important thing has been homegrown clipboard method for a daily list, adapted over the years from various other methods. I’ve tried so many other methods. Digital doesn’t work for me, bullet journal was too fussy, Getting Things Done was too overwhelming, etc. This has transformed my life! If any little bit of it helps anyone else, I’d be thrilled.

    The key points for me are:
    * A rigid clipboard because it can’t be folded, is hard to lose, and it’s right there.
    8×11” scrap paper (clean on one side) because it’s not “precious” like a notebook or virgin paper (although now I get a charge out of finding nice-quality one-sided sheets in junk mail!)
    * Landscape orientation so there are several columns and the list can’t get too long
    * The left column is “do today” but it’s in no particular order, anything can be on there (fun stuff as well – Artle and Connections are on my list every day!). It includes tiny things, like brushing my teeth in the morning after coffee, which I tend to forget, and big things.
    * Even breaking things into sublists can be too much work/too intimidating or spirally for me, so the task on the list can be a formless huge thing. The rule is I have to do something about it, even 30 seconds, and then put it on the next day’s list. That keeps the tap flowing, as it were.
    * The streak # is across the top – how many days in a row I’ve completed everything on the list. When I started, I would keep the list super-short to get a win. When a streak breaks, no shame – I add the success total to a running count so that feels good. Over the years I’d get to 10 or 20 days, be at Day 1 for days or weeks, start creeping up again, etc. Gradually the streaks got longer and longer. I’m at Day 164 today, and my running total is over a thousand! I celebrate every 50 days, bigger celebrations on the 100s.
    * The rest of the sheet is for next day’s list, things I don’t want to forget, random notes, etc. (the stuff I don’t want to lose). The key for me is it’s JUST one piece of paper; when I had notes everywhere they would get lost.
    * Every morning I start a new list. I consult my phone calendar because it groups my multiple Google calendars for work (I have 2 jobs) and personal. My successful daily list is typically 15-20 items long these days, but I started with 3-5.
    * I’ve added some more refinements over the years and there are still aspects I’m trying to improve (a way to track things that should be done in the next few weeks), but it has been life-changing for me!

  169. zillah*

    there’s a lot of good advice here! my little contribution:

    consider whether you should really just be taking medication when you work. I used to do that, but when I started taking it all the time, things got way better because it was helping to keep me focused and emotionally regulated.

  170. ADHD Analyst*

    I was diagnosed with moderate adhd this year at 33, and have found, for me, the typical productivity advice is actively detrimental to my productivity. From reading everyone else’s experiences this may be a just me thing, but maybe it’s helpful.

    Alarms don’t work. Anything at all that tracks or rewards or tries to make a habit nicer immediately derail me (streaks, journals, rewards) – I get too focused on the trappings and lose sight of the actual task. I also often catch myself daydreaming about what my life might be like if I was consistent at X thing for Y time – that way lays danger. The only thing that works for me is to take the shortest mental path from having the thought to doing the thing. If I look at a task too closely or try to systematize it, I risk paralyzing myself.

    The first thing that I ever was able to be consistent with was a daily planner with a spot for a streak, and every day I put day 1. A spot for a note and I’d write “You can choose every day”. I felt often like my identity as a productive person is what mattered, and that included stuff that had happened in the past and might happen in the future, none of which I had control over now. Focusing only on “can I make this choice right in front of me” has been much, much more fruitful over time.

  171. Belle8bete*

    My experience is that a lot of stimulants are safe to use while nursing. I have spoken to countless doctors about this topic because I went into a very deep dive multiple times on this very topic. You do not have to pick between treating your ADHD properly and nursing your child. This is not true for all types of medications, but there are definitely better solutions out there for ADHD while nursing. I suggest that you also look at websites such as mother to baby.org because they discuss the research on these topics.

  172. Veronica*

    For me, novelty and movement are key when I can’t take my medication. If I have a task that I struggle with starting, In open the document and then I do ten jumping jacks. I force 2-3 minutes of movement in between any task if I’m not on a hyperfocus roll, whatever’s physically easy for you.

    I write a post it with the things I know I have trouble starting at the top, so as I cross things off as the day goes, the things I need a push to do are still easily at the top and not stuck in the middle and… overlookable.

    Also- Alarms and calendar notifications. I have a alarms on my phone for medicine, (back up alarm when I turn off the first one) eating, water, any calls I have to make. If I don’t put it in google tasks or on my calendar, I will not come back to it if I don’t finish.

  173. Rae*

    Hi – I sympathize so much. I’ve definitely struggled with this a lot in the past.

    Things that have helped me:

    1. Working with an ADHD coach! Literally changed my life. Really helped me learn a lot about my ADHD and what motivates me. One of the most healing things I learned from her is that for someone with ADHD, it’s actually completely normal for an organizational tool to work you for a few months and then stop working. You may have to rotate between several throughout the year **and that’s okay**. So I consistently use a number of tools to remind me of deadlines, meetings, etc. (including a physical calendar on my fridge, a physical planner in my bag, constant to do lists everywhere, etc.) Whenever i get any sort of appointment or deadline, i put it on my google calendar and set like, 5 different notifications for it – a day out, 3 days out, a week out, 2 weeks out – etc. I’ll also often just put an important appointment on my calendar for like, five days in a row leading up to it. I also set a lot of alarms on my phone to remind me to work, stop working, switch tasks, remember to do a thing – etc.

    2. Caffeine really helps me with my ADHD. Cardio too (when I remember to do it). There are also certain types of cannabis that can help with focus – vapes with the terpene limonene in them have helped me in the past (although i can’t smoke right now for various reasons).

    One other option that helps when I’m really desperate: Thesis nootropic supplements. They’re pretty expensive for supplements, tbh, but they really help me with motivation and accomplishing tasks if nothing else is working.

    Keep trying different things and don’t give up! ADHD can be very frustrating but I have learned how to adapt better over time, so I’m not struggling quite as much as I used to. I really hope the advice in this comment section helps you.

  174. Anonymato*

    I am curious if some of the nudging of your colleagues can be more automated, like a calendar meeting on your and their calendar 30 days before deadline, week before, 3 days and day of that something is due. Letting them know you are juggling a lot of things, and trying to automate things, and if they already submitted xyz, they can disregard? Labeling it “Automated reminder project X is due” or something like that. Or, alternatively, prescheduled emails to yourself that you just forward to your colleagues when you receive them?

    I use similar reminders on my Google calendar, pre-set to specific time intervals. The Google calendar emails me the calendar event (well, event or reminder to work on something, I have two separate calendars for it). The email is automatically labeled with color and the word “reminder “ so it is noticeable.

    In addition I have a paper calendar next to my desk for the next two weeks for easy visual. I have the paper calendar in plastic sleeve, so repeat events are written on paper and color coded for work/kids. The dates and special events go on the plastic and get wiped out each week. Each Friday I update the paper calendar based on electronic. And, I set alarms on my phone- 20 minutes before meeting (so I can snooze once) and more as needed for appointments, “Dr Acula at 2 pm” set for 12:30 pm (iPhone lets me name each alarm so it tells me what the action is, take vitamins or take out trash, and set it for specific day of the week or each day). However, it might not be the best option with a sleeping baby to have your phone ringing frequently.

    Similarly to what others mentioned, I try to prep work for myself. Somebody here recommended a book by a Google executive before, I am blanking on her name now, but she talked about playing the role of her own executive assistant. And somehow putting on that hat and pretending I am doing this for someone else is really helpful. “Oh, boss, I know printing this document and putting it on top of your keyboard will make all the difference tomorrow” ;-) I didn’t like the book much in general, but this somehow this works for me.

    Oh, and I also email myself a lot :-) No text in the body of the email, just subject “Order glasses”, “ Pick up book” etc. I then snooze the email to another specific day if applicable (in Gmail). I snooze a lot for emails I send out requesting something too – I snooze it to make sure I did get a response according to the deadline (I tend to bcc’ myself and snooze that so I have the actual email bounce back in, sometimes I use stars coding so I don’t freak out it’s new email).

    Ha, I hope my somewhat convoluted system makes sense-feel free to ask for clarification.

    The approaches above

  175. Relatable ADHD2*

    I’m a couple days late, but hopefully this will still be helpful!

    My therapist always says “If you’re having trouble getting started, the first step is too big,” and tragically she is absolutely right. And that really means breaking down longer tasks into the smallest possible starting point- like just standing up, or putting down my phone, or even just closing the app I am scrolling on.

    I’m also a big fan of the “just touch the task” strategy. So whatever big project I am working on, I am not trying to finish it now/today, I just want to Touch the task. And that also means I touch it, in the smallest starting point, and then let myself stop and have some sort of reward. sometimes that is a piece of chocolate, or I’ve found success with like a slow craft, so like five minutes of my existing cross stitch project. Then I touch the task again, and repeat.

    It’s about training my brain to be able to start and stop tasks when I want to, and letting my brain trust that once I get started it doesn’t mean I have to do the hours-long big project I am dreading.

    I think the other thing with ADHD is that after diagnosis to get a real improvement you really have to accept your brain and then really rework the rest of your life to be better suited to you.

    So maybe that means working late at night because that’s when you have the easiest time focusing, or like, I got a clean clothes hamper and I don’t fold laundry anymore. I just sort it into bins, which somehow is a drastically different and easier task to my brain.

    I would echo some of the comments about aggressive alarms and reminders on your phone! I will set an alarm for when I have an appointment, when I need to leave, and when I need to start getting ready. Then I don’t have to keep remembering all the details of that plan, the alarm is the cue of when it’s time to change focus.

    I am a mindfullness/meditation convert, annoyingly. For YEARS I did not understand the point, like, my mind is LOUD I have endless thoughts I am UNABLE to sit here and think nothing. But then I worked with a therapist who specializes in ADHD, and she really emphasized that the point is not to not let your mind wander, the point is to notice your thoughts wander, and then redirect them to your body, breathing or the guided meditation you’re listening to. To work to focus on what my body feels like, what my emotions feel like, and just practice noticing.

    I think you can also lean in to creating some daily structure for yourself! Just because you don’t Have to be up and at an office like a 9-5 job, doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself an outline for the average day. For me that means just having a default time for when I wake up in the morning, when I eat lunch, when I go to bed. Then it’s just less constant decision making, because I already made that choice.

    But also a lot of these are long-term strategies! They are a lot of work and energy to change your day-to-day, and they’re not going to make a life-changing difference immediately.

    Given that, combined with your work stress, I wonder if there is someone at this company you can loop in at least a little bit? Just to say, I am aware of my tone/approach/quality of work being out of wack, I have some medical stuff that was complicated by post-pregnancy, and I am actively working to resolve it with my doctors.

    Just to say that you are aware of the changes, and you don’t expect it to be permanent!

    I would also really recommend the book “How to Keep House while drowning” by kc davis. She has ADHD, and it’s aimed at an ADHD audience, with really practical strategies for household tasks. And its Really Short! Not a long read at all, and definitely made me tear up for how seen I felt.

    I can’t speak much to the medication side, but I would suggest asking a doctor about a methylphenidate medication, if adderall has really lost effectiveness. It’s still a stimulant but just a different type of chemical structure.

    But also give yourself credit for noticing these patterns, and asking for advice! Just that much is a lot of work and you have put in the effort to show up for yourself!

  176. Aerin*

    Coming in late but with a perspective I didn’t see elsewhere: I don’t have kids, but I do have AuDHD along with post-covid chronic fatigue. And that’s a hell of a twofer, because the CFS rules out a lot of the coping mechanisms for ADHD (especially Be Active!!:D!!) and vice versa. There’s also the added layer of grief and shame and anger around a disabling event to untangle, too.

    A big change has been that to do lists are Out. It used to be that it would still feel nice to cross things off my list, even little things, and I would only get avoidant around items that were overdue. Now there is no joy from crossing things off them, there is only stress, and every single item carries the same huge weight. Ngl but when I ask people how they tackle intimidating tasks and they say to just break the item up into even smaller items I can’t help but look at them like they’re aliens. That’s… just fractal, exponential stress.

    I think some of it is the visual component, so I’ve been working on ways to get away from that. I am staunchly against corporatized generative AI, but there are options out there that address some of the issues around privacy and copyright, so I’m exploring some of those to help build a locally hosted voice assistant that can help me with some of my time management problems. My hope is that a pleasant person talking me through what to do next will be less intimidating? We’ll see.

    The big thing is that my focus and task initiation issues have never been particularly responsive to medication, even pre-covid. We’ve tried loads of med combos, and while we’ve been able to alleviate many other symptoms, those haven’t really budged. We’re starting to suspect that they might stem from trauma rather than from brain chemistry, which would be a whole different treatment approach. So even though these particular symptoms are consistent with my overall condition and are likely still part of that condition, the reason they’re proving difficult to manage and control is (likely) something entirely different. That’s something to consider if you’re having trouble in that regard.

    I wish I had some kind of helpful advice on the work front, but I’m on my third medical leave in 3 years because I’m still trying to get accommodations that are sustainable. I guess the only advice I can give there is that I didn’t just accept the first thing they offered when it wasn’t working. But I’ve also been with my org for a good long while so felt comfortable doing that. Even then, it’s not a great situation to be in. You have my sympathies.

  177. Trauma del Ray*

    Sometimes my brain needs extra stimulus in order to concentrate. At work, this usually looks like listening to instrumental music while I’m reading/ typing to keep my brain from distracting me (especially in a quiet environment!) Podcasts are great for getting housework done. Seconding what everyone else has said about making to do lists with the first thing on the list being something you know for sure you would have done without the list. Once I have my list, I like to group it by types of task (“desk work” or “errands on the west side of town” etc.) and try to get 1-2 chunks of tasks done a day. Someone else said three is a victory, I might start using that as well. You’ve got this OP!

  178. AnotherSarah*

    This is hard! Weaning will help! I’ve been there.
    I also want to say that having an infant/toddler has been, IME, really tough on my ADHD. Everything with them is “respond NOW” and also quite boring which is a terrible combination.
    My one suggestion is the Time Timer clock. Works for me so much better than my phone or any other clock/alarm. A good visual for working in 1 minute-1 hour chunks. I have two, one for work and one for home.

  179. Personal Best in Consecutive Days Lived*

    I wish I had helpful advice for you but I don’t. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 37. I’m just struggling so much in my life right now and normally I don’t comment when I have nothing to add, but I want to tell you that you’re amazing. You’re an absolute fucking legend. I think you’re incredible.

  180. BSharp*

    Hey, fellow ADHD mom here — 3 accessible things are helping me right now.

    1. For me, only SOME types of caffeine cause migraines. It appears to be mold related. I can only drink small-batch or mycotoxin-tested coffee like Pure, and tea that comes in longer leaves like Numi. Starbucks = instant headache, especially if I have also had other inflammatory triggers, but small batch coffee from the local roastery seems to be fine.

    2. I can bring movement into how I am working by standing on a Gi balance board or sitting on a yoga ball. Just a little limbic inout goes a long way!

    3. I have no idea what 3 was going to be. I’ll come back when it does. Also my 1 week old says hi.

    4. Shame shuts down the prefrontal cortex. I HAVE to speak to myself in encouraging bite-sized pep talks. “Hey, you noticed you were off track, good start. Time to just open the document. Okay, now just write down what you want to get in there later. Good job, you have 3 things. Oh hey one of those was in Persephone’s email, copy-paste that email into the doc. You can do it. ONLY search her name, resist the new email. You got this. Next step…” The combination of encouraging words and hyper specific steps works for me.

Comments are closed.