Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I work in a sleep clinic and some patients want to sleep naked

I recently changed careers and now work as a sleep technician for a well-known medical facility. I’m still a student so I only work part-time until I graduate from my program. Technicians are not nurses, unless they have additional, specific training. We are machine operators who happen to work with patients. My job is to attach electrodes to the patient’s body for the purpose of monitoring and recording the body’s electrical signals during sleep. Nudity is not required for me to do my job, which is partially why I chose sleep.

Here’s the issue: some of my patients do not bring/wear pajamas for their sleep studies. You would think it’s common sense to wear pajamas to sleep in, but, apparently, as I am now learning, it’s not. And some patients report, “No one told me to bring PJs.” The biggest issue for me are men (it’s mostly men who do this) who strip down to their tightie-whities or state they sleep naked. In my opinion, this is incredibly inappropriate. Not only is it creepy, unprofessional , and plain weird (seriously, it’s one night away from home), it forces the workers into a situation that could be easily misconstrued. We techs already record all interactions to protect ourselves from erroneous accusations.

As a newbie in a new field, would it be out of line to ask the lab manager if the night crew could have a package of hospital gowns in inventory for patients who don’t have pajamas with them? I don’t want to hurt my chance to move into a full-time position here, but I also can’t hand off every creepy dude to my coworkers. I don’t know if this matters, but the majority of people at my facility are female-presenting. I think besides a few of the doctors the rest of the staff is over 95% women. It’s rare to have a male tech on crew.

Not only would be it reasonable to ask to keep hospital gowns on hand for patients who don’t bring something to wear, you could also suggest that patients be informed ahead of time that they should bring something comfortable to sleep in “or a hospital gown will be provided.” If the answer is no, then so be it, but asking about it shouldn’t look out-of-line.

If you want extra cover (ha) because you’re new, you could talk to some of your coworkers about it, see if anyone shares your discomfort, and raise it as a group (or have the person with the most influence raise it). But it’s entirely reasonable, and sometimes it takes a new person to see that something everyone else has gotten used to is off and/or could be improved.

2. Upgrading business flights and hotel rooms at my own expense

I work for a nonprofit that requires a decent amount of travel. I am very well compensated compared to others in similar positions in my field, though I could make double or triple doing similar work in the private sector (which I used to work in).

The thing is, I’m independently wealthy. When I travel, I book within my employer’s guidelines for airfare and hotels, but then upgrade myself to first class or a nicer room. I use my personal credit card and then submit for reimbursement, but only for the originally booked expenses within guidelines. I’m probably spending a few thousand dollars a year making my work travel more comfortable. It’s worth it to me and doesn’t impact anyone I work with. If other people from my organization or a partner organization are also on the trip, I don’t do those things.

Is there anything wrong with this? Should I stop? I did tell the admin assistant who processes my expenses that I will sometimes upgrade myself with miles, just so they are not surprised if my ticket receipt shows first class. I have also decided not to get a corporate card (even though it means I may have a few thousand dollars of unreimbursed expenses for two to three months) because I want the points and don’t want to deal with finance.

Nope, you’re fine. It’s not uncommon to upgrade yourself at your expense or using your own personal miles. With nonprofits, you do need to think about what the optics could look like to donors so if you were, like, arriving at a donor meeting in a golden palanquin, that would be an issue. But upgrading your flight and room? You’re fine. (Just make sure to keep documentation of what you’re covering versus what the org is covering in case anyone ever questions it.)

3. How to ask for grace during a personal crisis

You published a letter a short time ago about someone who broke their leg and wasn’t getting sympathy/understanding from coworkers. I really liked the comments suggesting that we should do a better job of self-publishing our challenges so that others have a better opportunity to support us.

Unfortunately, I find myself in need of some support/understanding and I’m struggling with how to share it. I work with a huge number of internal customers who have urgent/time-sensitive requests. It’s already a big source of stress in my life that I can never afford to have an “off” day. It’s a very intense environment where people are often curt with each other, and I thrive in that usually, but some days I just have a lower tolerance.

My best friend died yesterday. I had urgent work so I couldn’t really call out today without burdening others, and didn’t want to sit at home staring at a wall anyway. But I’m also clearly not myself and am not keeping up with some important work.

I also found out that a coworker’s teenaged child tried to commit suicide two weeks ago, and she didn’t let anyone know and didn’t ask for time off. I’m obviously unspeakably horrified for her and rehashing every conversation, panicked that I was less than patient with her at any point, but trying to respect her request that we keep business as usual.

In both cases, I’m wondering how we can explain that we need some grace, without randomly blurting out “something awful just happened to me” to the 50+ people we interact with on a daily basis?

One option: “I’m dealing with a personal crisis so I might not be at 100% right now.” Another: “I’m dealing with a family crisis — just letting you know in case you notice I seem off.” Or if you’re willing to share more: “Someone close to me died this week, so I’m only taking care of the must-do’s right now.”

But also … “a very intense environment where people are often curt with each other” is pretty much guaranteed to be hard on someone most days. At any given point, someone in your office is probably going through something hard that’s being made worse by colleagues speaking to them curtly. It can be challenging to hold that awareness in the front of your mind all the time, especially in a really hard-driving environment, but ideally we’d all strive to.

4. My manager wants “get shit done” meetings

Is it appropriate for a line manager to put GSD meetings on your calendar? This line manager told me they were “get shit done” meetings.

Sure. It’s a term you see in some corners of business space. It’s a little tech-bro-ish, but it’s a term some people use. If it grates on you because of the profanity, you can ask to call it something else.

5. Did I accidentally misrepresent a job on my resume?

I have been unsuccessfully job searching for a few months after a cross-country move. I finally got an offer last week and am super excited about it! Here’s my problem, though. I was filling out their information for the background check, and realized they are confirming employment for all of the jobs listed on my resume. No problem! Except the oldest relevant work experience on my resume was not actually a paid job — it was an assistantship where I earned college credit. Obviously, this should have been noted on my resume, but I put it on there as “relevant experience” when I was applying to my first job in my field, and just somehow never thought to update it over the years. So when the third party background check company checks my employment, I won’t show up as a former employee, because technically I wasn’t. What should I do here? Should I preemptively reach out to HR to alert them and explain? Should I wait to see if it even gets flagged? Help!

This is not a big deal. An unpaid assistantship is still legitimate work experience, and you didn’t do anything wrong by listing it without noting that it was unpaid. There’s no expectation that you’ll flag unpaid internships and similar as being unpaid.

If you’re worried about it, you can include a note in the background check paperwork (or send it separately to them now) to the effect of, “The position at X in 2011 was an unpaid assistantship for college credit so I don’t know if I’ll show up as a former employee or not. If you need another way to verify it, please let me know and I’ll put you in touch with the person who managed me there.” But you could even leave off that last sentence and it’ll almost certainly still be fine.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m worried my coworker is abusing his wife

I know you’ve covered how to help a coworker is being abused, but what do you do when the person you work with might be the abuser? My coworker displays some very concerning behavior towards his wife. She is a stay-at-home mom, but he doesn’t allow her to drive their daughter anywhere. They have several cameras in their house that he monitors constantly throughout the day. Comments he’s made make me think he controls all their finances as well. Her sister lives 3,000 miles away and her parents are in a different country, so she’s very isolated here. I’ve met her a handful of times, but do not have any kind of substantial relationship with her. Is there any way to reach out to her without overstepping as a coworker? This doesn’t feel as straightforward as helping a coworker I believe is being abused.

How horrible. I suppose it’s possible that there’s some other explanation (like, I don’t know, she’s an alcoholic and he worries about her driving and caring for their kid), but of course you’re concerned! Ugh.

Is there any way you can develop more of a relationship with her? Can you encourage him to bring her to more work functions and try to get to know her better? It’s very difficult for even people who are close to the person being abused to get them to leave, so unfortunately you’re not  well-positioned to help her … but generally speaking, the less isolated she is and the more people treat her as a good and worthwhile person, the better off she will be.

Before you do anything, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for advice: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Related:
dealing with domestic abuse in the workplace

2. Should I tell my boss about my chronically late coworker?

When and how should you do something about a coworker’s chronic lateness?

My coworker is frequently 30-45 minutes late to an early morning shift. This leaves me to deal with stuff alone, and it’s hard to plan how to handle various tasks with the uncertainty.

They have also admitted to clocking in but being away from their computer. I’ve asked for time-sensitive help during their work hours, and they haven’t responded for 20+ minutes, which is very unusual for our team.

Our team often works remotely and signs on via a team chat. The message timestamps may have tipped off my boss, but I doubt they are checking that.

I’ve said a few things to the chronically late coworker. I told them that it’s hard to plan out the morning when they’re late. I shared my sympathy and tips for waking up early when they complained that it’s hard — but it keeps happening.

I want to tell boss about the lateness. I like this coworker a lot as an human, and so does my boss. I’m worried about souring relationships by saying something, but it’s frustrating and unfair. How can I get relief?

The answer to when you should say something about a coworker’s chronic lateness is: when it’s affecting your work or the team’s work. And in this case it clearly is.

Talk to your boss. Explain that your coworker is frequently 30-45 minutes late, which leaves you deal with stuff alone, which causes XYZ problems. Say that when you ask for time-sensitive help, you often don’t hear back from them quickly enough (based on the norms of your team), which causes XYZ problems. Ask for advice on what you can do.

This isn’t “tattling” (a word you used in your email’s subject line). This is looping your boss in on a problem that’s affecting your work and asking for help in handling it. You’ve already told your coworker that their lateness is causing issues; your boss is the next logical step to figure out a work solution to a work problem.

3. Creative application materials

I’m dating someone new who has been job searching for over a year after finishing grad school. She says that all of her mentors and professors advise “creative” application materials (think a resume in the style of a restaurant menu or a cover that looks like a film script). This is for communications field jobs. What do you think?

Good lord, no.

Hiring managers want resumes that are organized so that they can be easily skimmed and with all the relevant info where they expect to find it. They do not want gimmicks that sacrifice function to form.

4. Can we tell clients work didn’t get done because our old manager sucked?

My department at work was run until last year by Zephaniah, who had no idea what he was doing (think: a math teacher who doesn’t know algebra) and who had no interest in doing better. We were all constantly fighting fires to make sure basics of day-to-day operation were getting done.

Management managed him out and now we are happier, but we’re still frequently finding important tasks he didn’t do. This year a number of clients are now wondering why jobs haven’t been done for them. Is it okay to just dump the blame for everything Zephaniah did on him? Is there any need to be diplomatic and make excuses when a client asks why some product hasn’t been delivered yet?

You’ve got to bring this to management above you to figure out how to handle it. Clients won’t be happy to  hear their work (that they were presumably paying for) didn’t get done because of a bad employee. That’s requires some kind of appeasement — like a discount or something along those lines — and your management should be involved in figuring out that messaging.

5. Can my old employer make me give them my notes binder?

I was fired from my job on Monday. When I packed my desk, I took my notes binder with me. My old manager called me today to tell me to bring back the notes binder because it might have some of the company accounts info in it. It only has my notes. Is this legal for her to want this from me?

Legally, your employer owns work you create in the scope of your employment, which includes notes about your projects. So if the notes in your binder are about work things, they can indeed make you return it.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. If you’re a successful gamer, should it go on your resume?

My son is in college and needs to find a job while he’s home for the summer. He hasn’t had much luck so far, and his experience is limited to stocking shelves at a grocery store for two years, and some volunteer work. He didn’t work at all last summer — I had surgery and was out of commission for quite a few weeks, so he took care of me, the yard, the laundry, shopping, etc. (It’s just the two of us.)

This spring break, he went on a trip that I didn’t know he could afford so I asked him where the money was coming from, and he told me that he had earned it through online gaming. I knew he had done this once in the past, but I didn’t understand he was still doing it, and that it had added up to thousands of dollars. Through skill or luck, you can earn things like weapons for playing, and the ownership of them is transferable, so they can be sold. As best I can tell, it’s legal.

Should this go on his resume? Would it help him find a job, or turn people off? It’s unusual, but would maybe be looked at as entrepreneurial? If he should add it, how should he list it?

Leave it off. Most people seeing that on a resume are going to think “how is this relevant to the job you’re applying for?” and a lot of them will judge him for including it, unless he can really spell out in concrete and credible terms how the skills transfer … and even then he’d encounter a lot of skepticism.

Related:
can I put World of Warcraft leadership experience on my resume?

2. Complaining to a manager after an employee corrects you about her gender

Was my sister-in-law wrong to complain to someone’s manager?

While I was visiting my sister-in-law, she asked my opinion on a situation she recently encountered. She was calling a customer service line and the person on the phone sounded male so when they asked if they could put my SIL on hold, she responded, “Yes sir” (she’s southern) The rep responded with, “I identify as female, please address me as such,” then placed my SIL on hold.

My SIL was incensed by this and send a nasty email to the customer service manager about how the behavior was rude and the rep made my SIL feel as if she had committed a cardinal sin, but my SIL had no way of knowing their gender other than by their voice because they were on the phone.

My response was that if the rep had said “my name is X,” then you should address them as X and not use sir or ma’am. Am I missing something?

Whether to address someone by their name or by ma’am/sir or by nothing at all is deeply cultural/regional.

But if you use gendered greetings like “ma’am” and “sir” (like much of the American south does reflexively), then occasionally you might get someone’s gender wrong and you should handle a correction politely. Sending an angry email to complain was out-of-line; even if the rep sounded irritated, it didn’t warrant a complaint to the manager. Any chance your sister-in-law is responding to something other than what happened … like is she affronted by issues around gender identity more broadly?

3. Our director left while my coworker was on vacation

I have a colleague who left for a long vacation in their home country (five weeks). In the middle of her vacation, my former director announced that he would be leaving, did his two weeks, and has now left. I was previously a peer to the colleague and now I am the acting director. My colleague is a very anxious person and I think she will feel really troubled by coming back to him having left and me being in charge. My former director has an office in town near the colleagues house in a workspace/coffeeshop-type place. Do you think we should aim for her first day back to meet there so he can break the news himself?

I really want her to have a smooth transition back after such a long time away and I don’t want her to be overwhelmed by the changes. She really likes and trusts our old director and I think she would ultimately be okay with me being the acting director, but I think the whole thing will come as a shock! She is back on Monday. Any advice?

I think asking her to meet at a coffeeshop before coming in risks setting off her anxiety on its own. And it’s too much to ask your former director, who doesn’t work there anymore, to do a Monday morning meeting at his old job just to break the news to someone delicately. That’s just … a lot of handling of someone else’s feelings for them.

Just share the news with her once she’s back and figure she’ll be surprised and need some time to process, and she’ll handle that however she handles it. Otherwise I would worry about (a) signaling to her that it’s a bigger deal than it is by setting up a special off-site meeting just for her, and (b) the precedent you’d set by trying to manage her feelings to that extent about a fairly normal workplace change.

4. “Free” company gifts that aren’t free

This is a very low-stakes, probably no-stakes question that seems unlikely to come up, but I’d like to get your take.

I started a fully remote job this week. One of my orientation tasks was to pick some standard starter items (branded notebook, water bottle, etc.) from the company’s online store, which are free and will be shipped to me for free.

New employees also get a $20 credit toward anything else in the company store. It’s a very expansive store with everything from golf tees and fridge magnets to high-end jackets and camping gear, all covered in the company logo. We also “partner” with an NFL team, so there’s some pretty cool co-branded stuff too.

However, with the exception of, like, some stickers, nothing in the store is under $20. AND shipping is $8, minimum. AND you can’t bundle your “gift” with the mandatory items. So unless you’re so into free stuff that you want $12 of bland logo stickers, this “gift” is effectively a way for employees to pay to advertise for their employer.

I realize this is pretty common practice and barely even registers on the scale of corporate grossness, so my solution is to just not buy anything and forget about it. But if someone (my boss, who probably has to promote this “perk,” or the marketing department, who almost certainly has to budget for it) asks why I haven’t used my credit, is there a tactful, professional way to say “This is icky” or should I stick to some fluff about not needing another t-shirt?

Yeah, that’s poorly thought-out!

I doubt your boss will even notice, let alone ask you about it if you don’t order anything. But if it does come up, as a new employee I wouldn’t get into it; just go with, “Oh, I’m trying to have less stuff around” or something similarly bland. However, once you’ve been there longer and have accumulated more capital, feel free to point out to whoever manages this stuff that there’s no way to use the credit without dropping a bunch of cash along with it. They might be well aware of that and fine with it — who knows, maybe a bunch of employees love the company-branded hoodies and so the credit is super popular — but it’s reasonable to point out once you’ve been there longer.