Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Interviewing with blue or pink hair

In the last few years, I have started coloring my hair bright colors (blue, pink, green, etc.). I have always felt self-conscious about my hair, and the colors now make me feel much better about it. Also, I just love bright colors and I enjoy presenting myself to the world this way. I get a lot of compliments on my hair, including from people at work. Given that I work in quite a formal environment in a corporate accounting firm, I have been surprised and pleased to find that the colorful hair has not been a problem and my bosses just go with it. I attend plenty of meetings with clients, and no one externally or internally has suggested I’m putting people off. That said, I hadn’t yet found my way to colorful hair when I first started, and so I’m not sure how they would have reacted if I showed up this way in my interview.

Which leads me to my question. When I eventually move firms, do I change my hair back for the interview process? I don’t really like this idea, because it feels fraudulent (given that I will be planning to bring back the colorful hair in due course). I also feel like I am more likely to find an office that is the right fit for me if I present myself honestly. Then again, while I don’t mind putting off a few interviewers, I do want to get at least some job offers, so if the hair will likely put everyone off, then it will have to go I suppose. So in this day and age, is it an absolute no-no to show up to an interview with wacky hair colors? Or will interviewers take this in stride as an inoffensive personal quirk, if I am otherwise dressed in neat corporate attire and act like a normal person?

No, green, pink, or blue hair is not an absolute no-go in an interview the way it used to be for many jobs. It’s become much more accepted and much more commonplace. You will still find some people who think it’s too out there (or who believe it will be too out there for their clients) and won’t want to hire you because of it, but plenty of people won’t care and will even like it. The math does change in more conservative fields, but that’s evolving too. (And frustratingly, there are places that are fine with colorful hair once they know and like you because you’ve worked there a while, but would still judge someone for showing up to an interview with it. Those places are also becoming less common though.)

As for what to do, it’s a question of both risk management and screening. On the screening side, if you want to be sure you end up somewhere that will be fine with colorful hair after you start, having it in the interview is a really good way to screen for that. On the other hand, on the risk management side, are you willing to risk getting fewer offers because of it? Some people’s answer to that would be a resounding “yes” and others would answer “no.” I tend to think that if you’re reasonably confident that you’re an appealing candidate with options, you should show up as who you are and see what happens.

2. Building staff damaged my bookcase

My organization recently leased an office for me in an office building of a group tangentially related to ours. I wasn’t given much of a budget for furniture, so I brought in a few of my own items. One of them was a barrister bookcase that was my great-grandfather’s, over 100 years old.

I asked the building’s maintenance staff to hang some artwork for me, which they did, but they used the top of the bookcase as a workspace and carelessly scratched it with nails and screws. The damage is minimal but certainly noticeable.

Part of me realizes that this is the risk of bringing old furniture into an office, but I’m very upset. This was an unforced error, and something that could’ve been avoided if the staff had spent a few seconds putting a cloth down or using a different surface. Am I out of line in asking for some recompense — a simple repair or the like?

Yeah, I wouldn’t. If you have a good relationship with the maintenance staff, you could mention what happened and ask if they have advice on repairing it and maybe they’ll offer to take care of it themselves … but I wouldn’t ask or expect them to do it themselves, since it really is the risk you take when bringing in your own furniture.

In general, I’d say not to store anything at work that’s really valuable to you unless you’re wiling to risk something happening to it.

3. New chair sends non-urgent texts in my off hours

I am a teacher and have a new department chair this year. She is young and very eager. She repeatedly texts me about non-urgent issues on weekends and on school breaks. The content of these messages are never urgent. For example: “I emailed you the completed performance objectives” or “I just finished creating our first unit test and emailed it to you.” These are small items that don’t need to be communicated urgently outside of work hours, but it almost feels as if she wants to remind me that she is working on a Sunday or during vacation since she is a good employee. This feels intrusive in a time that should be away from work. Am I being sensitive? How do I respond to this without sounding like a jerk?

You’re not being overly sensitive. She shouldn’t be texting you outside of work hours unless it’s truly urgent and time-sensitive. Texting you to tell you she emailed something that can easily wait until you’re back at work is ridiculous.

Say this to her: “I try to disconnect from work during our off-hours, so can I ask you to email rather than text unless something is truly urgent? Emailing it is great and I’ll see it when I’m back in work mode.” Consider encouraging your colleagues to say something similar.

4. Do you need to have a documented accommodation in order to sue?

Someone on my team was fired recently (let’s call her Cassandra), and apparently it took a long time to do because HR was worried she would sue. Cassandra had been on a PIP and didn’t meet expectations, but she has a chronic condition and was missing a lot of work because of it. My understanding is that she wasn’t using her PTO to call out, which would have been fine — she just wasn’t showing up or working full days. But HR thought that because Cassandra missing work was linked to this chronic condition, she could sue for discrimination if that was given as a reason they gave for firing her. I don’t know if Cassandra had documented this condition as a disability or if it was just common knowledge, or if she asked for any accommodations. But if she never asked for accommodations of any kind, would a lawsuit actually hold up?

Potentially, yes. If an employer knows an employee has a disability and knows or should know that the employee is experiencing workplace problems because of the disability, the employee is protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act. It sounds like your employer knew Cassandra was missing work at least in part because of her medical condition, so yes, the ADA would have been in play. That doesn’t mean they couldn’t still hold her to reasonable standards like “you need to alert us if you’re not coming in or you’re leaving early.” But it does mean your company wasn’t wrong to want to navigate it carefully. They might have navigated it too carefully — which isn’t uncommon when there’s a disability in play — but that’s hard to say without knowing more.

5. An employer that ghosted me wants me to interview again

About a year and a half ago, I interviewed with a company that I was eager to work for at the time. After the first two interviews went well, they reached out asking to schedule a third interview. I responded immediately to schedule the next round, but the company completely ghosted me. I sent professional follow-up emails to both the recruiter and the director I had previously interviewed with but got no response from either. I moved on, frustrated, but luckily found a new role on a different team at the same company where I was already working.

Cut to yesterday when I received an email from the same company I interviewed with previously. It was even from the same recruiter! She is looking to fill some new roles. I did see they have a new director as of about eight months ago. I’m not actively looking for a new job, but would consider something if it was the right fit and compensation. Should I tell the recruiter that their previous ghosting experience makes me hesitant to interview with them again? Or should I let sleeping dogs lie and move on?

I would love to say yes because employers need to hear that there are consequences for how they treat people … but realistically, ghosting is so, so common in hiring that they’re likely to think you’re being overly sensitive or a prima donna. To be clear, you’re not; that behavior is rude. But it’s standard practice for so many employers that it’s tough to raise without risking them just finding you annoying.

It’s easier if you’re definitely not interested in interviewing with them ever again. In that case you could say, “We were in talks about 18 months ago and we were supposed to schedule a third interview but I never heard back and no one responded to my attempts to reach you. It didn’t leave a great taste in my mouth, so I’m going to pass this time.” I suppose if you are open to interviewing again, you could replace that last sentence with, “Can I ask what happened before we restart the process?” But honestly, even if they apologize and say it was an oversight, that still might not affect whether it happens again.

Related:
can I tell a recruiter how rude it was to ghost me after my interview?

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Hiring manager assaulted a police officer

I’m interviewing for a role that I’m excited about, but caught something odd when googling the hiring manager’s name to find their LinkedIn profile. 15 years ago, when the hiring manager was in college, they were arrested for assault and battery on a police officer while presumably drunk.

I know people, especially college students, do regrettable things sometimes, and from all other indications it seems like this person is a well-respected professional. Still, I’m having trouble getting past this, and given that I’d be reporting directly to this person, should I consider withdrawing my candidacy?

I think it would be a wild overreaction, but you get to decide what bothers you and how bothered you are. If it helps, though, I can think of a lot of situations that could result in that charge that wouldn’t mean anything about the person’s character, particularly 15 years later. (For example, some police officers have been known to charge people with that if they even slightly resist an unfair arrest. Obviously we have zero idea whether anything like that happened here, and it could be on the exact opposite end of that spectrum, but that’s kind of the point — we have zero knowledge about any of it.)

2. Do I need to cancel my vacation because I need surgery?

At all my previous jobs, sick time was separate from vacation time. However, at my current job (where I’ve been for nine months), sick and vacation time are all the same.

I have two vacations planned for this year, which will use most of my time off (20 days).

The problem is that I just discovered I need surgery. Now what do I do? Do I need to cancel one or both of my vacations? Or do I need to attempt to work through my recovery? I can’t take unpaid time off, as this surgery is going to use my entire out-of-pocket maximum. Should needing surgery mean I can’t have any more days off?

Should it? No. Does it? In this situation, probably.

In theory when you’ve got combined sick and vacation time, you need to leave to set some of it aside for sick time. Rather than the company separating out the buckets for you, you’re supposed to do it yourself based on how much you think you’ll need for each. You can’t really look at it as “I get 20 days of vacation” or you won’t have time available for illness or other medical stuff. That doesn’t mean people don’t ever make vacation plans for all their days — they definitely do, especially if they’re people who don’t often get sick — but when you do that you’re gambling that you won’t end up needing any of those days for sick leave. (Of course, this means you won’t really know until the end of the year how many vacation days you’re left with, which is one of several problems with combined PTO.)

3. It’s hard to run meetings when my coworker has the same name I do

I am a manager of a small remote team. We have daily meetings to check in on our work as a team together, and often invite people from other teams to join us for the conversation. Recently, a person from another team, Jayne, has started joining many of our meetings. Jayne is great at her work and everything is going pretty well. She and I share a name, but mine is spelled “Jane.” The spelling difference means that in writing, it’s easy to tell who someone is talking about.

In our meetings, it’s hard for me to tell whether someone is talking about/to me or Jayne, particularly because all of our meetings are on Zoom so other clues like looking at someone aren’t there. It throws me off when someone says something like, “I agree with what Jane said about XYZ” or “Jane, can you tell us what you know about ABC” and it turns out they’re talking to Jayne and not me (or that I assumed they were talking to Jayne, and they’re actually talking to me). It’s not impossible for me to ultimately tell from context that they’re talking about/to Jayne instead of me after a few seconds most of the time, but it is still sometimes really hard to tell, and regardless it tends to really throw me off in meetings I’m leading. On another remote team, there’s a “Jason” and a “Jasen,” and the senior Jason goes by his first name and last initial, like “Jason X.” whenever people call him in or refer to him, and the newer Jasen, goes simply by his first name.

I brought up my own confusion about hearing Jane/Jayne to my team during a meeting when Jayne wasn’t in the room (I didn’t want her to feel awkward and it’s not her problem). I cited the Jason X./Jasen precedent from the other team which seems to work, and offered to go by “Jane X.” in our meetings with Jayne to reduce confusion. Folks on my team seemed open to it, but no one has done it even once in meetings since then, instead just continuing to say “Jane” and not clarifying in comments or anything. I work in a culture and on a team where folks are generally very respectful with their language and how they refer to people, so there’s precedent for people trying to help out someone when they ask for something like this.

It’s confusing and frustrating for me and I’m disheartened that no one on my team seems to make an effort to reduce confusion based on their behavior. It honestly makes it harder for me to run meetings with Jayne and I’m worried my frustration may inappropriately start to bleed through in those meetings. I’m also aware this is not a huge issue in the grand scheme of things, so I don’t want to turn it into something that makes my team uncomfortable if I bring it up again, like “we made the boss mad.”

At the start of every meeting for a while, just say, “A reminder to please say Jane X if you mean me since we have two Janes here.” You might even add, “It’s been causing confusion so for the next few meetings with both of us, I’m going to jump in and ask you to clarify if you forget.” And then if you need to, jump in with, “Which Jane?” (Do that judiciously — only if it’s actually causing confusion.)

You’re going to feel like you’re harping on it a bit — which you will be, but if it’s genuinely causing confusion, then there’s no way around it. Say it warmly, even with some amusement in your voice, and people shouldn’t feel chastised. A few rounds of that might be enough to get it to stick.

4. What to say if a concerned coworker suggests I use the EAP

I suffer from an anxiety disorder that over the last few years has mutated into social anxiety. I used to be my most confident and outgoing at work, but I now am alternately semi-credibly faking it and acting weirdly nervous and awkward for no apparent reason. I want to be better and I am in treatment, but these things take time. I am sure my coworkers have noticed. It has affected my performance on team-based activities. I am not on a PIP or anything, but it is a clear weakness for me.

I know one of the symptoms of social anxiety is believing people are paying way more attention to your awkwardness than they are …but I know for sure I am being noticed. I would not be surprised if someone pulled me aside to have the EAP talk.

If that were to happen, how would you recommend I handle the conversation? I have not disclosed my diagnosis at work because I didn’t want it to distract from the tasks at hand. On the one hand, letting it be known that I have a diagnosed condition and am in treatment might help my confused and concerned coworkers feel less confused and concerned. On the other, it might make me look unstable, cause me to be discounted, or give the impression I expect special treatment. I am also a little worried about a few well-meaning busybodies who have picked up on my mood and have previously tried to “adopt” me. It would be a bad idea for me to explain the events that caused me to develop this condition, as it gets into work-inappropriate and personal topics that my coworkers would probably not understand. But they would want me to tell them to try to make me feel better and would be confused if I did not. (My workplace is kind of cliquey.)

I would trust my boss to keep a diagnosis in confidence if he were the one to initiate the EAP talk, but if the approach came from a peer, I can’t assume my response wouldn’t immediately be more widely known.

You never need to disclose personal health information at work just because someone asks! If a colleague ever does pull you aside to suggest the EAP (or something similar), you can say, “Thanks for your concern, I appreciate it” or “Yeah, working on a health issue that affects me at work sometimes but I’m on it” or “I have a health issue I’m working on, but it’s nothing to worry about. I appreciate you looking out for me, though.” There’s no need to get into anything beyond the basic points of “thanks” and “I’m on it.”

Related:
interview with an employee at an employee assistance program (EAP)

5. Listing seasonal work on a resume

How do I update my resume if I’ve worked for a company that only hires seasonal workers? I have been called back every time for a few years now. Do I have to show I have a gap every year on my resume?

You can list it this way:

Oatmeal Stirrer, Breakfast Fans United — 2021-present (summers only)