A reader writes:
I’m a part-time retail employee at a clothing store, as well as a full time graduate student. I left work a couple of weeks ago, got on my bus to head home, and as always, spend the time on my phone — Facebook/Texting/Instagram, etc.
At one point, my boyfriend texted me asking if I’d left work yet. I wrote back saying something to the effect of ‘Yesssss….and I can’t be home soon enough….I’m tired and the fat cow sitting next to me is taking up half my seat as well as hers AND hasn’t heard of deodorant.”
Maybe not the nicest thing, but:
a) It was a private text message, intended for no one but the recipient.
b) It was actually, well, true. The woman WAS so obese she was pinning me against the wall and her body odour WAS absolutely disgusting. The people in front of me were actually holding their noses and I honestly was holding down trying not to dry retch.
Anyway, I got called into my boss’s office at the start of my next shift and got told that someone complained about me. I was completely puzzled because I couldn’t think of any way I’d have upset a customer…..until they showed me a series of photographs the person who must have been sitting behind me (slightly elevated due to the bus design) took of me and my phone screen saying they recognized me having served them in the store yesterday and now I was saying things like this and it reflects badly on the company and makes me look two-faced since I was polite to her yesterday and then being “nasty” about this lady.
My company replied to her by sending an email I could see on the print-outs saying it would be dealt with harshly because it was unacceptable from me. I feel like they have enabled her behaviour by taking this seriously. They’ve condoned this woman snooping over people’s shoulders and taking photos of them and their phone screen without consent. Who the hell does this woman (I know it was a woman from the name) think she is? I think it’s incredibly entitled to read over someone’s shoulder, something incredibly rude to do, and act like you have the right to be offended about what you read.
Anyway, I got fired, but I think it’s ridiculous. I wasn’t wearing anything that identified me as a member of my company at the time. Maybe it would be different if I was wearing something that identified me as an employee of the company, but I wasn’t, so quite frankly, I think I should be allowed to do and say what I want in my own time when I’m not identifying myself as a member of the company. What I do in my own time is my own business. Yes, I was nice to the email sender when working, but that is my job. I don’t see why I owe everyone a Mother Teresa approach off the clock.
I’m now struggling to find another job, because my store manager has refused to let any of the department managers give me a reference, presumably because she’s offended because, well, she’s also the type to pin the poor size 2 girl next to her against the wall!
Who was in the wrong here?
Everyone, to differing degrees.
Most of all, your employer. It’s no one’s business what you write in private text messages to other people in your personal time. You had a reasonable expectation of privacy in sending a private text message, and they’re wrong to fire you over this.
The woman behind you was out of line in reading over your shoulder, photographing your phone, and sending it to your employer. She shouldn’t have been looking at a stranger’s phone in the first place, and she must have had to make a point of trying to see what you were writing; it’s not like it was forced into her line of vision and she couldn’t help reading everything you were writing. (And even if she hadn’t been able to help it, the polite thing to do in that case is to pretend she didn’t see it — she doesn’t get to comment on, let alone photograph, someone else’s private messages just because she happened to be able to see them on public transportation.)
But your employer is worse. The woman who emailed them was a busybody, but they’re the ones who actually fired you over this. They’re totally in the wrong.
But for what it’s worth, you yourself aren’t coming out smelling like a rose here — and not because of your actions in this story, but because of your commentary on it: You have a pretty gross attitude toward overweight people. Your comment about your store manager at the end of your letter is rude and out of line. That doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t deserve to be fired for what happened, but you’re going to lose a lot of sympathy in life for talking about other people that way, and rightly so. Your boyfriend might be fine with you calling people “fat cows” (although he shouldn’t be), but making a snarky and insulting comment to a stranger (me) about your boss’s weight says to me that you’re out of touch with how kind people talk to and about each other (or possibly that you’re young enough that you haven’t learned it yet). So: Be nicer.
But yes, your company was wrong here, and that text message should have been treated as private.