Ask a Manager

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. My new job has so much drama it made the local news

I started a job as an accounting manager less than a month ago. I had been out of work for a while. I was let go at my previous job, I think because my boss didn’t like or need me. I’m a quiet, anxious person and she was the opposite. I was still on probation there and it was a shock.

So, I’ve been looking for a new position but also working contract and doing well. I interviewed for one particular job I thought was a good fit. The hiring manager and I hit it off right away. I felt she was an empathetic, kind leader. She offered me the position, but I also received an offer from the company I was contracting with (for more money). I’ve been in some really bad work situations in the past, and I have a bit of trauma from it.

I declined the job with the contractor and accepted the other one based on my rapport with the boss and the mission of the organization, which appealed to me. On my first day, my boss was working from home. Then the rest of that week, she worked from home. I finally asked her about it, and she said there had been some accusations of a “toxic workplace” towards her and her boss and she was working from home for her “protection.”

One night shortly after I started, I was watching the news and there was a news story about the accusations of toxicity and mishandling of clients from nine of the 15 or so workers in my organization. They were interviewed anonymously on the news.

I’m wondering if I should just start looking elsewhere? I fear my boss, whom I still like, will be fired. Knowing she is mostly the reason I took this job (and a pay cut) what do you think would be my best option?

Whoa, I can see why you’re alarmed! But before you decide on any action, ideally you’d get a lot more information. Luckily, there are a lot of people you can talk to, and none of them are going to be even slightly surprised that you want to; if anything, they assume it’s coming. Talk to your boss! Talk to your coworkers! If there are other senior leaders besides your boss, talk to them too. All you need to say is, “I saw the news story and hadn’t known anything about the situation previously. Can you fill me in on what’s going on?”

Take everything you hear with grains of salt, since everyone will have their own agendas — but ask people to share their perspectives with you.

What you know so far sounds pretty damning — but it’s possible there’s more to it that would paint a different picture. Then again, even if the people making the accusations are off-base, the organization is likely in for a rocky road for a while as it works through whatever is going on.

If you think you’d want the other job you were offered, you can reach back out to that company and ask if the offer is still available. The sooner you do that, the higher the chances of it still being open … but once you do that, you should be ready to take it.

(Also, never take a job based just on a good feeling about the hiring manager. This is true for everyone, but especially since you’re someone who’s actively trying to avoid another bad situation. Managers can come across very differently in interviews than what they’re actually like to work for. Here’s some advice on how to spot bad jobs ahead of time.)

2. Working from home while men’s bathroom is out of order

If a company allows its male employees to work from home for a couple days while the men’s restroom in the office is closed for repairs, but does not offer a similar benefit to female employees (because their restroom still works), is this gender discrimination? Ordinarily, allowing men to work remotely but not women obviously would be very illegal, but in this case there’s a very good reason to allow the men to (in fact, forcing them to come in to the office when the bathroom is broken would probably violate OSHA) that doesn’t apply to the women.

You’d need an employment lawyer to tell you for sure, but I wouldn’t think the company has much legal risk, given the set of facts. The remote work on those days isn’t being offered as a perk; it’s in place because there will be no available bathroom facilities for those employees.

The most likely risk to them would be if they have denied intermittent work-from-home as a disability accommodation and claimed that it’s not possible for any of these roles; since it’s apparently possible when they see it as useful, this would be fodder for anyone who wanted to push back on that.

3. I get flooded with canned LinkedIn messages every time I post a job

I lead a recruitment team in a mid-sized manufacturing firm. We are inundated with resumes for almost every role (which is a good problem to have!), but I dread posting IT openings, even though that is my favorite area to recruit for. Within minutes of posting developer roles, I will get 50+ canned LinkedIn messages that all say the same thing: “My X experience at Z makes me a great candidate for this role! Are you open to a call to discuss how I can help your company?”

In fact, I am NOT open to a call. I have 400+ resumes sitting in our ATS to sift through and my limited interview spots will be given to candidates who have taken the time to apply online so that I can review their resume/application. I have always made a point to respond kindly to every LinkedIn message (other than spam) because I know how difficult and demoralizing a job search can be, but I am finding myself increasingly frustrated.

How can I respond kindly in a way that lets them know that while they think they are giving themselves an edge by approaching recruiters with a canned message, 400 of their competitors have completed online applications for my recruitment team to review? To be clear, there are some occasions where I welcome these messages, such as roles that require a unique skill set or if they are having difficulty with the application, etc. These are not that. Suggestions?

Relieve yourself of any feeling of obligation to respond to those messages and just delete them. They’re the hiring equivalent of spam and, just as you don’t reply to spammers to explain why their approach is ineffective, you don’t need to reply to these messages either. If you really want to reply, you could say, “Please submit an application on our website and we’d be glad to consider you” — but frankly I wouldn’t even do that, as it increases the likelihood that they’ll continue to use LinkedIn messages to try to pitch themselves outside of the system you’ve set up for considering candidates.

You’ve told people how to apply. The ones who want to will follow those instructions. You don’t need to spend extra time funneling people over there when they’ve ignored that.

4. HR hasn’t kept up with local employment regulations

I work in the New York office of a consulting company with 1,000 employees across more than 30 locations in the U.S., Europe, and Asia. At the end of December, I saw an article about how all private employers in New York, regardless of size, will be required to offer at least 20 hours of paid prenatal leave to all employees as of January 1, 2025. I had heard nothing about an update to my employer’s leave policies, so I emailed the HR department to ask how much paid prenatal leave the company would be offering, as well as more granular details about the policy’s implementation. The HR department replied saying they had no knowledge of this state regulation and would have to look into it. I was quite surprised by their admission of ignorance. They are now working on updating the company’s policies but told me it won’t “go live” on our internal site until February.

HR has also consistently dodged my questions about how they are going to make people aware of this new policy, instead deflecting by saying they’ll update the internal policy site. I don’t think anyone is regularly checking that site, so I assume they are intending for this benefit to slip under the general radar.

Is it reasonable to expect an HR department to (1) ensure the company is compliant with the laws of the places where it does business; (2) ensure that employees are made aware of updates to employment policies? I’ve never been impressed with our HR department – in my time at the company, they’ve been generally obstructive, misinformed current employees on immigration matters, and protected illegal behavior. I know all of that is coloring my view of their competence and of this particular interaction. But it seems wild that I should be informing HR of how to remain in compliance with state regulations!

I’m also wondering how much I can do to make sure my colleagues – not only in New York, but also in other U.S. locations – are aware of this policy. I’ve been keeping my cohort informed, but would it be out of pocket to send an email with a link to the new policy (whenever it goes live) to my whole office if HR won’t?

It is reasonable to expect an HR department to ensure the company is compliant with the law in the places where it does business. That is, in fact, a key responsibility of HR. It’s also reasonable to expect that they will share changes to employment policies.

That said, it’s surprisingly common for companies to miss changes in employment law that will affect them, particularly if they have employees in multiple jurisdictions. It shouldn’t be common— at a minimum, there are subscription services that will alert employers to legal changes in the states where they operate, and any company with employees in multiple locations should be using those if they’re not monitoring on their own — but it happens way more than it should. Regardless, once your company became aware of the new requirement, they should have acted with more urgency; the law went into effect January 1, not a month later.

A “good news — new benefit for New York employees” message to your coworkers wouldn’t be out of line.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I hate my new job — can I go back to my old one?

I worked at a company for over three years. Internally they have their issues and I had my share of frustrations, but it is basically a well oiled machine. As far as growth, there is not much, but I was paid well and had flexibility with my hours, although absolutely no work from home and an hour commute each way.

Three months ago, a colleague who worked with me at this company and left two years prior, asked me to send my resume to her so she could pass it along to her boss. She only had good things to say about her new company so I thought it was a no-brainer when I interviewed and got the job with a 10% increase in pay and a hybrid schedule.

I started the new job three weeks ago, and I am absolutely miserable. I miss my old job, my work, even the colleagues and the frustrations. I am mourning my old life and I want it back. I am also upset with this colleague who presented this new position to me because there are a ton of red flags and it is not a happy place like she said. I really did not plan to be in a position to now be searching for work, but here I am. Do you think it’s worth reaching out to my old manager and seeing if they will accept me back in my old role? As far as I know, they still have not filled the position. I was a good employee there but had a couple minor complaints about personal stuff — too much socializing with another employee, bad attitude during times of stress, but never any issues with my work or work ethic.

I am depressed and having trouble sleeping and eating, completely consumed with how to get back to my old job. Please help!

How much of this is about missing the old job and/or the discomfort of change, and how much is about truly not liking the new job? It might be 100% the latter, but I can’t completely tell from your letter — so I want to make sure you’ve thought that through, because sometimes it can be the change itself and/or missing what’s familiar and comfortable that’s more of the issue. If that’s the case, the solution is to give it more time so that this job starts feeling more comfortable to you, too.

But if you’re confident the problem is the new job and it’s not right for you … you can certainly contact your old manager and ask about the possibility of your coming back. Sometimes people do that! They might or might not be open to it (too much socializing and bad attitude during times of stress could be pretty minor or they could be pretty big), but there’s nothing wrong with asking. Keep in mind that they’ll probably want some assurance that you’ll stay for a while and not immediately be looking again.

There’s also a third option, of staying where you are while looking for a new job (not going back to the old one), which would give you some time to see if you get more used to the new company while you’re actively working on other options. Right now you’re so focused on missing the old job in comparison to the new one that there’s a risk you’re not thinking critically about the frustrations you had there.

It might also be interesting to talk to the colleague who recruited you about what your experience has been at the company so far. It’s possible she’ll have some insight that will change your perspective, or at least help you sort through why you’re having such a different experience there than she’s had.

Related:
I just started my new job and I miss my old one — did I make a mistake?
how to ask for your old job back

2. Instructor said, “Just lie back and think of England”

I am a woman in a mostly male field, if it matters. Recently I was taking an online course to pursue a certification (which I got! Woo), and the instructor made a comment about ignoring something. Specifically he said, “Just lie back and think of England.” I thought that was a horribly sexist/gross thing to say! Especially as an instructor! (For the record, I think “open kimono” is equally appalling.)

I sent him an email that afternoon remarking about my thoughts and advising him to look up that particular phrase and how it could be offensive. I never got a reply, and then felt awkward completing the class for the next few days. Was I out of line?

No, that’s a gross and inappropriate phrase for an instructor to use. For anyone who’s unaware of its origins, it comes from a suggestion that a woman should submit to sexual activity from her spouse even if she’d prefer not to, because of her duties as a wife (and patriot!).

You were not out of line to point that out, and he should have replied to thank you (or at a minimum to say he didn’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable and would be more aware of his language in the future, or so forth). His silence says something about him, not you, and you don’t need to feel awkward.

3. Is expecting an interview on very short notice a bad sign?

Yesterday, at 4:45 pm, I received an email requesting an interview for today between 9 am and 11 am or at 2 pm. I also received a phone call around 10 minutes later. I responded to the email around 5:05 pm, stating I’d be available at 9:15 am today for an interview.

I did not receive a reply until this morning at 8:45. The person scheduling the interview said they were sorry they didn’t see my email earlier and asked if I could do 2:30. I can’t so I emailed back saying no and gave other days/times I could.

She responded saying that the program director is going on vacation tonight, so they’d like to schedule something today and asked if I could be available at 9:30 or 10 today.

While I understand a vacation making things difficult to schedule, I am getting a bad taste of this organization and the job. What say you? Is it a bad sign for this kind of rush job?

Nah, not really. It’s annoying — and if they’re going to email you at the end of the workday proposing an interview for the start of the following day, they really need a plan for checking email that evening to see if you chose that time — but it doesn’t necessarily carry any larger message about the company. It could be a disorganized scheduler and nothing else, or just a rush for legitimate reasons to see if they can get some of the interviews done before the director leaves. It’s not necessarily anything bigger than that.

If you can’t be available on their short notice, you can’t. But I wouldn’t read much into it. If you advance in the process and continue to see signs of disorganization or of “my emergency needs to be your emergency,” that would be different.

4. Two employees share an office and don’t get along

I am a new supervisor and have recently had three employees move under my supervision. At the same time as this transition, two employees moved into a shared office space. (This was a decision made by upper management and it makes sense based on their job duties.) The problem is these two employees do not get along whatsoever and frankly never have. “Sharon” is extremely passive-aggressive when given advice on dealing with situations and is running around the whole company complaining about everything from the shared office to flat-out saying rude things about “Lisa.” It’s extremely unprofessional and needs to stop.

I plan to have a sit-down meeting with Sharon to talk about these issues. I want her to understand I will not tolerate this behavior. I suspect she will put blame on Lisa. She’s mentioned Lisa saying things like “you didn’t give me condolences when my mother-in-law passed away” or “I don’t believe my plants were the cause of your so-called allergies.” These comments very well could have happened, so I also plan to sit down with Lisa. I just don’t know the appropriate way to respond when that’s brought up, because while that’s an issue that needs to be addressed, it doesn’t excuse the negativity that she’s spreading around the company.

You should hear her out about Lisa in case there’s something truly egregious that you need to know about and address. But then you should say, “I will be talking with Lisa separately, but this meeting is about my expectations for your behavior and I’m asking you to focus on that right now.”

5. How honest can I be that I need more WFH days if I’m going to stay?

I currently work from home one day a week. Due to a lack of affordability in our area and the space we need, my family have decided to move out of the town where my office is based, a 1.5-hour commute away.

I would like to request an extra day working from home. My bosses have been very lukewarm-to-negative about remote work, but on the other hand there are other people in the office working more remote days than I would be requesting, albeit in a different department.

So I’m going to request the extra day, but how honest should I be about what the impact of the decision would have on me staying with the company? They are entitled to say no to to the request, but the reality would be that I would start looking at new jobs. How honest should I be about that?

It depends 100% on how valued you are and how much capital you have. The more they’d be upset to lose you, the more up-front you can be — and even then I’d frame it as “this is something that would let me happily stay with the company long-term,” not as “I’ll need to start job-searching if you say no,” particularly since you can’t control how long that search will take. A decent manager will read between those lines without you having to spell it out more explicitly than that.