Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker keeps saying I’m too muscular

I am currently working in an allied health field as a practitioner in a private practice, and am (mostly) very happy with my job and my career. I am also an avid gym-goer, which has led to this problem.

We have a practice manager, “Jane,” who is not really my boss as I don’t report to her, but she is the head of the administrative side of things which I guess puts her higher up the ladder than me. We didn’t often interact until recently due to office re-arrangements.

We now see each other much more often. Jane has begun to make several comments on my body, saying that I am “too muscular,” and that she doesn’t “like men that big.” Jane has also stated that my tattoos are inappropriate (two sleeves of snakes, skulls and flowers, nothing outrageous) and insinuated that I am “intimidating” to clients, saying that clients may be physically intimidated by my physique and tattoos and also that clients who are not in good physical shape may feel insecure about my fitness. Furthermore, Jane has made comments to myself and others that I might have outbursts of “roid rage.”

I do indeed use steroids, but I have no difficulty with temper and am in fact a very quiet guy. I did not tell Jane this though, and fail to see how it’s any of her business as long as it doesn’t affect my work.

I am unsure of what to say to her, as Jane is senior to me and I hate confrontation in general, and was hoping you could help me with a script. I am especially worried that she already sees me as potentially unprofessional and aggressive, and am hopeful you can give me something that will convey that I want her to drop the issue without giving her more ammunition.

Whoa, she’s really out of line. In theory the next time she makes one of these comments, you say, “Please stop commenting on my body” or “I don’t want to talk about my body at work and it’s weird that you keep bringing this up.” Or if you think she’s the type to respond better to this, “You keep commenting on my body and it’s making me super uncomfortable and self-conscious. I just want to get my work done and your comments are making that hard.” (To be clear, you shouldn’t need to soften it like this! But I want to give you a few options because she has power and also sounds out of her gourd.)

Ideally, though, you’d skip all that and go over her head. Small medical practices are notorious for not having real management structures in place, and I’m guessing you don’t have anything like HR or even a person above Jane you could go to. But if you do, skip everything above and go to that person. If you don’t, is there someone else who’s high enough up for Jane to listen to who you could talk to about what’s going on and enlist them to speak to her?

2. Should I pay a service to improve my resume?

I’m hoping you can give me some advice on whether or not I should spend money to help better position myself to find a job. I graduated from college just before the pandemic and was not able to find a position in the journalism or communications fields I’ve been attempting to enter. I recently had a paid internship but it stopped at the end of January. I’ve been seriously job-hunting for the last three months and have had zero interviews despite sending out dozens upon dozens of applications. Frustrated, I happened upon a website last week that offered to evaluate my resume and ran it through an artificial intelligence software that it claims many companies use to screen applicants. Unequivocally, the results they offered said that my resume is actively hindering my job search. Thankfully, this same website/company offers a full resume overhaul, done by professionals for $200.

Given how little interest I’ve garnered for jobs I’m definitely qualified for, I’m considering coughing up the money, However, a longtime reader of your website (my mother) has encouraged me to reach out to you first. From reading your website, she believes that many of these companies offer bad advice and are often scams. I agreed to reach out to gauge your opinion on these sites and to see if they’re a good use of my money. I’m also attaching my resume and a sample cover letter to see if you agree with their assessment of my materials.

Your mom is right. (I so infrequently get the opportunity to say that!) Those sites are scams; as far as I can tell, every resume evaluation they do reaches the conclusion that — surprise! — you need to pay for their help. Once you do, the advice they provide will generally be generic and no more useful than what you could find in 20 minutes of googling on your own. Definitely don’t give them your money.

Your resume is … fine. It’s fine in that it’s exactly like 95% of resumes out there, which means that it looks professional and well-organized but it just summarizes what you were responsible for at each job. Because it’s just like 95% of resumes out there, it’s not going to stand out — especially for someone at the start of their career without a ton of experience yet. If you want to improve it, the way to do that is to include what you achieved at each job — not just the activities you performed, but the accomplishments you had. Think outcomes, not activities; there’s advice on how to do that here. (For breaking into writing fields, what you really need are published clips, and it looks from your resume like you have those.)

3. My boss suggested I work from home while still taking a sick day

I was recently discussing my options with my manager on a day I felt too bad to be in the office but had a lot on my plate that I was worried about having to reschedule. We’ve previously had a fair bit of flexibility, including the ability to work from home if too ill to come into the office but okay enough to stagger on in terms of getting work done, but that has been officially withdrawn. Knowing that I was concerned about my workload, my manager suggested that I mark the day as sick time in the leave system, but work the full day anyway, “to allow me to work from home.”

Ultimately I just took the sick day, of course, but that suggestion feels wrong to me. Is it illegal? Is this something I should bring up later in a “hey, maybe educate yourself on what’s legal and not” way? I’ve done a bunch of googling around labor laws in my state but I can’t find a definitive answer as to legality, and I checked the leave policy statement on my (large) organization’s HR site and found nothing about taking sick leave but being asked to work anyway.

It’s legal in most states, but obviously incredibly messed up — if you’re going to be charged a sick day, why would you bother working from home? Sick leave is for days when you’re not working, not just when you’re working from a different location. What your boss was suggesting was that you take a hit to your accrued leave while the company still got the benefit of you working — all upside for them, all downside for you.

It may or may not be worth bringing back up with your boss now, but it certainly wouldn’t be unreasonable to say, “I was surprised you suggested I work from home while taking a sick day since it doesn’t make sense to me to lose a day of leave when I’m working the whole day.” If her thinking was that you had important stuff to get done that day even though you couldn’t come in, maybe she can use that as impetus to advocate for switching your WFH policy back to what it used to be.

4. How much prodding should I do as an interviewer?

I’m a newer manager currently hiring at my job for an entry-level role, meaning some of the folks I’m interviewing have maybe never had an interview before. I try my best to make sure my questions are worded as clearly as possible and I’m happy to provide clarification if a candidate is unsure of what I’m asking. But when a candidate doesn’t fully answer my question, gives an extremely short answer with no elaboration, or gives a response that doesn’t get at what I’m asking, am I supposed to prod them for more?

For example, I asked a candidate for an example of how they handled making a mistake at work, and instead of giving me a specific example, they generally spoke about how they handle mistakes. (I start by saying “can you tell me about a time when…” so I think it’s clear I’m looking for a specific example.) I had another candidate who answered most of my questions by giving examples from their prior job in a different, unrelated field but without connecting them to what I was asking about for this job. Some of my questions related to work style or communication style also got really short answers, like “I prefer X” with no elaboration.

In these cases, should I have asked them to give a specific example / clarify the connection for me / elaborate? I am not sure if I’m meant to take their slightly off answers as an answer in and of itself, or if I should let them know they didn’t really answer it for me. If I do have to prompt someone more, is that something I should note about their interview? There were a few instances where the answer was so off I did clarify — for example, one person misunderstood the question completely so I re-explained and got a proper answer. In another instance, I asked a candidate how they would manage their workload within the somewhat unusual schedule at our workplace, and their answer was basically that they would not follow that schedule, so I clarified for them it was not optional to not follow the schedule and given that, what would they do instead.

I’m only having these issues with a small portion of the folks I’m interviewing, and I do have a lot of great candidates who are having no problem answering my questions in the intended way. I just want to make sure I’m not being unfair to people who are new to the working world, since this is an entry-level job.

Yes, if someone doesn’t fully answer your question or it’s clear they misunderstood it, you should prod for more or clarify. That’s true with candidates at any level, but especially with entry-level candidates since they often won’t have the frame of reference that will help more experienced candidates understand what you’re looking for. Basically, you want to set candidates up for success (within reason); if a little guidance helps them give you a better sense of how well they’d do in the job, it makes sense to provide that guidance.

I do think it’s fair to take it into account if someone seems to need a lot of guidance and prodding — not for cases when they just need a little (people are nervous or inexperienced and natural misunderstandings happen), but if you have to struggle to get more than one-sentence answers out of someone for the entire interview, that’s relevant data about what it might be like to work with them.

5. Asking for a new office chair when you’re too short for the one provided

I have a quibble I’d love your take on. This is my second job where the office chair is an Aeron, and I freaking hate them. They’re sized chairs, and I’m too short to fit the standard size that every workplace seems to order. As a result, I’ve been having excruciating wrist and neck pain, and have had to take muscle relaxants for the first time in my life.

Is it reasonable to ask my job to either find the the smaller model of the Aeron or cover some/all of the cost of a new chair? It’s not the end of the world to have an uncomfy chair or buy my own, but I’m frustrated with all office stuff being designed for taller people (i.e., men).

Yes, this is a really common and standard request — even from people who aren’t having the painful effects you’re experiencing!

“Our standard chairs don’t fit me and I’ve been having severe wrist and neck pain as a result. Can I get a smaller chair? There’s a smaller model of this one if we want them to match, or I can look at other options.” And go in expecting them to cover the full cost, because they probably will.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker misreads me and tries to calm me when I’m fine

I am emotional, expressive, and passionate. Think a “movie-typical Italian” telling a story. Nothing wild, just a loud voice, expressive face, etc. In my 9-5 job, this is required. I over-emote all day long to support the people around me. It is what makes me good at this job.

However, in my after-hours second job, I have a coworker who constantly is offended by my expression. She will see an expression on my face and jump to emotionally coaching me off the ledge — “deep breath, it’s okay, we’ll figure it out” — and I’m … fine. I find it frustrating that I have to mute my personality with her or be publicly talked down when nothing is wrong. To note, no one else responds the way that she does or feels I’m overreacting at all, I’ve checked. I know this is her problem, not mine, but the constant correction and public redressing is frustrating. Can you offer some words I can share with her to professionally tell her to back off?

“You keep saying that to me when nothing is wrong. Please trust that you are misreading me and I don’t need to be talked down.”

And then if it happens after that: “This is what I asked you to stop doing. It’s really weird that you keep trying to talk me down when nothing is wrong.”

Related:
my coworker misinterprets all my facial expressions

2. I can’t give two weeks notice when I quit

For the past five months, I have been working at a job that I can’t stand. The day-to-day functions are what was expected, but I’m working under the worst boss I have ever reported to. He’s a micromanager, loves to publicly shame under the guise of “transparency,” and every day I wake up to 40 urgent messages he sent during the night. In addition, the company changed their policy from two days a week in-office to four right after I started, and I probably wouldn’t have taken the job if I had known that. I could go on about why I wanted to leave, but it really boils down to how horribly it has affected my mental health.

But I recently accepted a new job! This job has a hard start date. I am waiting for my background check and drug test to come back, but I know how long those can take. I don’t want to give notice until everything at my new job is finalized, but that doesn’t leave me enough time to give a full two weeks, probably only one week. I of course want to put my full two weeks in, but my new job isn’t flexible on the start date. This job has caused me insurmountable anxiety and stress, but I feel guilty for not giving the corporate standard notice. As I haven’t been here that long, do you think this will follow me through my professional career? I don’t even know if I plan to keep this job on my resume in the future but the idea of quitting a job this soon is freaking me out and not giving a full two weeks is making it even worse!

You’ll be fine. Often when you haven’t been in a job that long, there’s not a lot of point for the employer in having you work the full two weeks anyway — but even if they want you to, you can say, “I’m so sorry, but I asked and unfortunately there’s no flexibility on my start date. I’ll of course use my remaining time to document everything and leave things in good shape.” This isn’t ideal, but with the sort of job and boss you described, it’s nothing you should feel guilty about — and again, your short tenure means they may not even care.

That said, while this doesn’t apply in your case, generally you can and should push back when a new job tries to insist you start without enough time to give two weeks notice. In most situations it’s reasonable to say, “I need to give two weeks notice at my current job, just like I would do for you. As soon as you clear my background check and drug test — neither of which I expect to pose any problems — I’ll give my notice here and can start two weeks after that, but I don’t feel right leaving without proper notice to them.” (There are rare situations this legitimately can’t happen, but they’re extremely uncommon exceptions to the rule.)

3. Shouldn’t job applicants visit our studio before applying?

I’m looking for perspective on what importance to apply to whether or not a job applicant has ever interacted with my small business.

I own a yoga studio where anyone can come take a class (for a fee ranging from free to less than $20). Our website and our limited social media presence both convey that in-person interaction is a core tenet of the studio’s culture. For example, we do not offer online classes.

The vast majority of job applicants—whether prospective yoga teachers or front of house staff—have never taken a class or come to the studio in person. I am A) befuddled by local applicants who initiate interest but have never visited, and B) downright skeptical of those who gush enthusiasm (“I love your studio and it’s exactly the type of environment I thrive in!!!”)… but have never walked through the doors.

To me, it feels like applying for a job at a restaurant because of how much you love the menu posted online … but in reality, you’ve never even tasted a bite of their cooking. It also seems like such a missed opportunity for the applicant to do their own due-diligence to find out if we really are who we say we are! Should I mention this in some way in our standing job posting? Or is my expectation skewed here?

It’s not a realistic expectation. Your applicants are presumably applying for dozens, even hundreds, of jobs and won’t hear back from a large portion of them. It’s unreasonable to expect they would visit each place in person before applying. There’s a tendency on your side of this equation to think, “But we’re different — our business is so personal and the environment matters so much, and our online presence makes it clear how essential in-person interaction is to our culture” … but that’s something you do for your customers; it’s not something you should expect of your job applicants. Candidates should indeed do due diligence, but generally not until they’re in your interview process; doing it at the application stage would be a waste of time for most people, since only a small handful of them will be moved forward. (And job applicants tend to be acutely aware of that.)

Certainly if someone talks as if they have firsthand knowledge of your studio when you know they don’t, that’s just puffery and can be ignored (although I’m not sure how you’d know that for certain). But it’s also pretty common puffery for the context. Choose not to be swayed by it, yes, but it’s not something to penalize someone over unless it’s truly over-the-top or inaccurate.

4. How can I set boundaries in my volunteer job?

Less than six months ago I started volunteering with a nonprofit. Due to some staffing struggles for the organization, plus my interest in potentially moving into their field full-time, I’ve taken on a lot more time commitment and scope of work than what I initially signed up for.

As they rebuild and bring new people on, some of those people are now looking to me as they get their feet under them. Near daily meeting requests, onboarding and more. Essentially I now have a part-time internship in addition to my (demanding) full-time job.

Some of this is fine, as I’m gaining a lot of valuable experience and I was willing to take on a pretty heavy lift for this org. while we were in recovery mode because I care about their mission. However, I’m struggling to integrate acknowledgement of my serious time limitations into my (frequent) daily communication.

I’m approaching six months of doing this work and while we’re getting back on our feet, it’s taking a while. I need to start regularly asserting that while I am happy doing far more than a regular volunteer would, my capacity is limited and I need to start pumping the brakes. I’ve mentioned this need in passing, but the requests just keep on coming, hence my thought that I need to start reframing the way I interact with the org as one of taking on specific projects, not handling regular admin.

Talk to whoever’s in charge and say this: “I’m finding new people are turning to me for a lot more than I have time for — things like XYZ and near daily meeting requests. I can take on specific projects like ABC but I can’t handle the regular admin. Can you make sure people know that?”

And then as you continue to get requests outside the limits you’ve set: “I don’t handle that sort of thing. I’m a volunteer and only do ABC. Check with Jane.” You’re actually doing people a favor by spelling this out clearly! If you try to be accommodating and help out, you’re preventing them from figuring out what structures actually will work for them longer-term. Being clear about your limits is a service not only to yourself, but to the organization too.

5. Found an amazing internship … but I already graduated college

I graduated college a year ago and have been working in a field related to my degree (engineering) ever since. However, I am also a self-taught photographer with years of experience (taking photos for fun, and doing paid gigs). Although I enjoy my job and would like to keep working in my field, I am truly passionate about photography. It is more than just snapping a shutter for me, and I love studying lighting, perfectly composing a photo, editing, and knowing that I just nailed a shot … so I am open to switching my career to photography one day if the income/opportunity/timing is right.

In addition to my day job, I am always on the lookout for photography-related side gigs like grad photos, engagements, and family portraits. Recently, I found a job posting to be a part-time photography intern at a nearby professional sports team. I would love to apply for this position, as I am not overly experienced in sports photography and would love the chance to break into this part of the industry, but am unsure if it is acceptable to apply for an internship when not in college (and when I did not study photography in college). Note that the job description does mention that candidates should be in a degree seeking program in a related field.

My engineering job has slightly atypical hours, so I am not overly concerned that this would interfere with my current job. I think this internship would be a great experience, and could open doors for me in the future. Since this position mentions being in college currently, is it even worth applying for?

Typically when internships say that applicants should be enrolled in a degree-seeking program in a related field, it’s because the internship is for college credit and/or it’s to help ensure the employer complies with legal requirements for internships. There are internships where that’s not the case, but when it’s listed as a requirement in the ad they generally mean it. (That said, if it’s a paid internship, it won’t be subject to the same legal requirements and they might have the ability to be more flexible.)

You could always apply and see, or even just email them to ask.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My friend doesn’t believe there are different dress codes for different situations

I have a younger friend who works for a well-known leisure apparel company at their headquarters. Many of the employees still work from home the majority of the time and when they are in the office, it’s not unusual for them to be wearing their brand apparel. So, pretty darn casual for this old timer who grew up on suits, stocking, and heels! All that is well and good but there are occasions where they may need to do presentations to other divisions, be in meetings with high level executives, etc. Do you think the dress code changes in this situation?

Her grandboss made a comment about her wearing athleisure attire to a meeting (something along the lines of “That’s what you’re wearing to the meeting?”). She doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal since they didn’t come out and say, “Don’t wear that to this meeting.” I think it is very clear that her grandboss expects more. I’ve tried the “dress for the job you want, not the job you have” approach. I suggest she have one really great pair of black slacks and a jacket on hand for these meetings. She isn’t hearing me. She has said that I “just don’t understand” that wearing their branded clothing is part of the culture. While I don’t disagree with that, I think there is a time and a place for certain items. And I think she could pair quality slacks with their branded shirt and still be part of the culture.

Maybe I’m all wet. If I am, I am happy to back off. But if I’m not, I’d really like some words of wisdom or a relevant article I can point her to.

Well, you’ve got to keep in mind that she’s much better positioned to know what’s acceptable in her office culture than you are — and there are indeed offices that don’t expect you to dress up for higher-level meetings and presentations. So pushing her to change what she’s doing just based on a general belief that people shouldn’t wear athleisure to those meetings would be an overstep; you don’t know the culture at her company firsthand and she does. (And it sounds like you might have a blind spot about the fact that there are companies where this would be fine.)

But her grandboss’s comment sounds like a clear indication that in this office she is expected to change what she’s wearing for some meetings. So you’re probably right in her particular case! But you’ve tried to point it out, she’s not interested in hearing it, and and it’s not your place to keep pushing.

That said, if you hadn’t already been pushing her on this, you could point out that her boss was sending her a clear message that her clothes weren’t acceptable for that context … and it would make sense to say that clearly rather than using “dress for the job you want, not the job you have,” which she clearly doesn’t think applies in her situation. But at this point, when you’ve already been trying and she disagrees, the best thing to do is to drop it and assume she’ll figure it out on her own eventually or someone who works with her will tell her more clearly.

2. Is it OK for managers to send mild reprimands in an email?

Are mild reprimands over email an appropriate avenue for small errors? I manage students and staff members who work all hours of the week — hours when I’m off the clock as well. We go over common expectations for job performance in training, and sometimes I’m notified of a small work-related issue about a student who won’t be working hours when I’m normally available. Is it appropriate to send a short email addressing the possible issue and reminding them of my expectations, or should all conversations involving job performances and mild reprimands be in person?

It depends on what you mean by “reprimand.” Frankly, I don’t think managers should need to be doing a lot of reprimanding, so if you find that you are, it’s a flag to look more closely at what’s going on — it could be that people need more training or supervision, or you need to have a more serious performance conversation or even have the wrong person in the job, or your managerial style needs to be recalibrated.

But it’s fine to give guidance in email, or relatively straightforward corrections or reminders. Something like “it looks like you missed the X row in this spreadsheet — can you fix that and make sure you watch for it in the future?” is fine in email. Something like “you’ve continued to miss the X row even though we’ve talked about it repeatedly” should normally be a real conversation (in part because at that point you need to have a real conversation about what’s going on).

3. Is a company’s bad screening system a reason not to take the job?

I recently applied for a job through the company’s website. It’s a relatively high level position, and I thought I was a perfect fit for the job, but alas I never heard back. These things happen.

I forgot about it until a month later when a former coworker told me they had reached out for him to have him consider the job. He wasn’t as qualified as me (he was missing one of the key qualifications), but they’re relaxing some criteria because they hadn’t filled it. They reached out because he had applied for a job in the past.

Hearing this, I figured my application and resume were held up by a finicky screening algorithm. So I reworked my resume and reapplied. Still no response. Which I thought was weird, and I figured maybe they had found someone after all.

Fast forward three weeks. My friend said they asked him if he knew anyone he could recommend for the position and he sent my resume. Within 30 minutes, the recruiter called me and within a week I had interviews set up with the leadership. They are very excited and the process is proceeding very quickly.

Should the fact that they couldn’t find my resume (one they admit is highly qualified) in their own inbox after two applications be a red flag? At the very least, I figure after a failed search they would go through rejected resumes to see if there was something they may have missed. If their hiring practices are dysfunctional, I worry about them being able to get good talent in the future. And if the only way to get through screening is to have a connection, I think this raises serious diversity and equity issues. People without connections tend to be from groups that have been marginalized in the past. Am I overthinking this, and it’s just wonky software/algorithms? Should I mention something about it? Is this a reason to not take a job?

It’s not a reason not to take the job. It’s a reason for them to reassess how their applicant tracking system is working (they should look at why you were screened out and who else has been screened out recently to figure out if it was a one-time fluke or part of a pattern, and whether their system can be tweaked to work correctly or needs wholesale changes), but it doesn’t indicate on its own that the company is dysfunctional. Lots of places that are fine to work have crappy application systems (or some other crappy software that doesn’t reflect the organization’s competency more generally). You’re right about the diversity and equity implications though, and if you end up working there in a position with some influence, that’s definitely something you should point out.

4. Do I need to ask my landlord if it’s okay to apply for a job at her workplace?

Some of my friends have encouraged me to apply for work at their organization. The only sort-of catch is that my landlord also works there.

Is it rude/wrong/inconsiderate to apply without consulting my landlord first? She works in a high position in the company. I’m not sure where she is on the org chart, but I would more than likely work as an underling, definitely not as an executive if they were to hire me. My landlord doesn’t know I’ve been laid off yet because I have savings and my husband works full-time so there’s no issue with not paying rent. I’m not sure what the etiquette is for this situation. We have a great business relationship through my renting from her, but I feel weird putting her in a position to possibly have to vouch for me or a position of intermingling her various businesses with her day job.

You don’t have to mention it to her, but it could be smart to — if for no other reason than if it’s going to cause problems, it’s better to know that now while you can still factor it into your decision-making, rather than after it’s too late to do that. For example, if it turns out the position is in her chain of command, they might not be able to consider you for the job (because it would be a conflict of interest for her to oversee someone who she also gets rent money from). You could wait until you’re a little further along in the process though (maybe after you’ve been invited to interview).

5. Contacting a hiring manager before a job is posted

I work in a niche field that doesn’t have regular turnover. Recently, someone at another company in my same line of work, though more senior, has left their job. I interacted once at a networking event with the likely hiring manager of this role. Can I reach out to Potential Hiring Manager to share my interest if they plan to fill the role? And if so, what is the best way to do so without sounding too eager?

Yes! I’d say it this way: “Hi Jane! We met a couple of years ago at the Oatmeal Association’s annual conference and chatted about the work you’ve been doing on instant oats. I saw that Jane Burtlebot recently left her position with you, and I’m interested in throwing my hat in the ring at whatever point you’re considering applicants for the role. Your project on breakfast grains is exactly the sort of work I’m hoping to tackle next. I’m attaching my resume and I’d love to talk with you if you think I might be a match for what you need.”