resigning

If you’re thinking about quitting your job, there are a bunch of things you don’t want to do: Quit in a huff, get senioritis in your last weeks, be so concerned about the right timing that you put it off too long, and more.

Over at U.S. News & World Report today, I talk about how to make your resignation go smoothly. Go read it and then get ready to quit your job!

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A reader writes:

I love my job. I have been there for over 2 years and going into my 3rd year they were forced to cut my hours by nearly 40%, thus cutting my pay by nearly 40%. I would like to quit my job to stay home and babysit my adorable niece and nephew. My sister will pay me enough to make up for the 40% loss and I get to play with those babies.

Back to “I love my job.” I work with kids at an elementary school. When the district cut back my hours my boss was sympathetic to me and that situation. I think he will be very kind and understanding and even happy for me. My only question is, what exactly do I say to him when I ask to see him. Do I say “I need to quit,” “I’m giving my notice,” I don’t know what phrase to use. Do I need a letter of resignation? How much time do I need to give them?

Also, I will be crying. Remember I love my job. I also love the people I work with – they have become my best friends! I do not want to cry. How can I control my emotions?

Say something like this:  ”I think you know that I really love my job here. But I’m unable to make it work with my hours cut this much, and so after a lot of thought, I’ve decided that I need to move on. I’d like to give notice that my last day will be ___.”

As for how much notice to give, that’s up to you. You want to give a minimum of two weeks, because that’s considered the professional standard, but some people give longer than that, depending on the norms in their workplace and the relationship they have with their boss.

And if you’re flexible about when your last day will be, say that. Tell your boss that you have flexibility but would like your last day to be sometime between __ and __, and ask what would make life easiest on her side.

You don’t need a written letter of resignation, unless they ask you for one. (Resignation letters are just a formality, and many people don’t use them at all. They’re really just there to document that you did in fact resign your job in case you later sue, or if you file for unemployment claiming you were laid off, or whatever.)

As for controlling your emotions, well, you can try remembering that you feel good about this decision, that leaving jobs is a normal part of life, and that you’re leaving on good terms. But you may cry anyway — people do. It’s not a disaster if you do. And it’s nice to have had a job that you enjoyed enough to cry when you leave — be glad you feel that way, rather than wanting to high-five your coworkers.

Good luck!

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A reader writes:

My team and I are in a small satellite office, 50 miles north of the main office. The team consists of myself, my manager, and 3 other staff members. We rarely are visited by upper management, even when they are on this side of town to visit clients. Any issues that are raised to upper management, such as equipment, work loads, or an issue with another co-worker located in a different satellite office, are never addressed.

The opportunity has presented itself for the entire team to possibly accept positions at another company. The positions are open immediately, but out of respect we all would probably like to give our 2 weeks notice (and get the several weeks’ worth of vacation paid out that we have accrued but have not been able to take because of projects and workloads).

Seeing as upper management usually doesn’t even remember we are here, how best would the team go about resigning? I think many worry about retaliation from certain upper management (such as withholding of vacation time accrued, possibly pointing to one of us as soliciting to other employees, and damaging reputations in the industry).

Ouch. Yeah, a whole office resigning at once is rarely going to be welcome news.

Normally people should handle their own resignations individually, but having the whole office all resign within a few hours (or days) of each other is the type of thing that you can’t pretend isn’t weird.

So in this case, your manager should probably give the main office a heads-up about the whole situation. After all, you’ll presumably be giving your resignations to her anyway since she’s your manager, and she’d be conveying word on up the chain … so I’d suggest that she just have one conversation with the main office to cover the whole situation.

(I’m assuming that under normal circumstances, people in your office hand in their resignations to your manager, not to the main office. If I’m wrong about that, I’m still going to suggest that your manager have one big conversation with the main office about all the resignations, because it’s just going to be too weird if you all contact them individually within a short time frame. This is an unusual situation, and it’s reasonable to acknowledge that by handling it differently.)

As for worries about possible retaliation … The best thing you can do is to handle the situation professionally and responsibly. Work out your two weeks notice, devise a plan to create as smooth a transition as possible, leave behind lots of documentation about where your projects stand and how to do your job, offer to answer a few questions after you’re gone if you’re willing to, and don’t mentally check out during your remaining time there.

If you get the sense that they’re gearing up to damage your reputation or otherwise retaliate, contact their HR department with your concerns immediately, since HR reps typically have a greater appreciation for the law than the rest of the company does. Say something like, “I know that Jack is angry that my whole team is leaving, but I’m getting the sense that he is saying things in the industry that aren’t true and that will harm my future ability to get work. I absolutely understand that the whole team leaving at once is leaving the company in a bind, but I also can’t have Jack defaming me.”  Assuming that Jack is defaming you (and not simply relaying accurate information, which is legal), HR is likely to be concerned with minimizing any possible legal exposure for the company and to put a stop to it.

But as for them paying you out accrued vacation time: Most states (with a few exceptions, including California) don’t require that employers convert accrued vacation time into cash when employees leave. If you do live in a state where the law requires it, they can’t legally refuse it. But otherwise, it will depend on what your company’s policies are; not all companies pay out accrued vacation time, and yours might not. Check your personnel manual to see if this is addressed in there.

The next two weeks are going to be awkward. But hey, take comfort in knowing that they’re going to be a lot more awkward for your resigning manager — who needs to deal directly with your main office — than for you!

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A reader writes:

I will be giving my (two week) notice at my job this Friday.  I’m not leaving to take another job.  I’m leaving because the Army is moving us ….. again.  Unfortunately, in order to get the job, I had to fib and tell the bosses that we’d be staying in the area (and would eventually retire here) and I think that’s one of the reasons why they hired me — I said I was sticking around.  Many employers will not hire military spouses if they think they are leaving soon, and the reality is that I usually have to “fib” about how long we’re staying in order to get any job.  And while we do plan to retire in the area eventually, and we really DID think we’d be here longer, the Army has decided to move us two hours north so my husband can attend a school for a year (only to turn around and send us right back here next summer).

Do you absolutely have to tell your boss why you are leaving?  Is it really any of her business?

If you think it is, that’s okay.  I’m just curious if it is ever acceptable to write a simple resignation letter, thank the boss for the opportunity and wish her well (without giving an actual reason).  I plan to tell her in person, but honestly, I’m just so tired of quitting jobs because we have to move again.

Despite the “love-hate” relationship I have with my boss, In 20 years, this is by far the best job I’ve ever had.  So much so, that I would give anything not to quit.  But there’s no way around it.  And because I’m still “in denial” about having to move again (we’ve only been here in DC for 18 months), I’ve been putting off the “I’m quitting” notification.

You might ask why I’m only giving two weeks notice, when I’ve known we were moving since the end of April (April 26 to be exact).  Honestly?  I’ve quit so many jobs in my life (thanks to the Army) that I get so sick and tired of the dismissive attitude that immediately begins the second you tell the employer you’re leaving.  I suddenly become invisible, despite the fact that I’m still coming in every day, working very hard, and doing everything I can to set up notebooks and documents to help the next person.  Yes, I do realize I’m leaving, but for now I’m still here, I’m still the person who knows the job inside and out, I’m still the person who knows all the clients, knows how to work the schedule, knows the files, knows how to find stuff, knows the “unspoken rules” of the office, knows what the boss likes, and I can still be helpful … and yet, I quickly become the outsider and get ignored for two weeks.  Things vital to the performance of my job are kept from me, simply because I’m leaving.  And I fully expect this treatment again at this job, as my boss is just “that” kind of person.  I hate feeling like a leper for two weeks.

Anyway, I’m nervous about telling her WHY I’m leaving and wondered if it was okay to just not say anything other than “It’s personal.”

You don’t have to tell your boss why you’re leaving. No one can make you. But it’s probably going to be pretty awkward if you don’t, because when you resign, at some point most normal bosses will ask, “So what will you be doing next?”

You can certainly say “it’s personal” if you want to, but it’s such a normal question to ask and such normal information to share that a refusal will probably come off as odd. And chilly. And if you end on a chilly note, that’s going to be the most recent memory of you in your boss’s mind when she’s called for a reference at some point in the future.

So I don’t think it’s a great approach. I hear you that the alternative isn’t one you relish either, but I think just being honest is your better bet here. Be straightforward:  ”In 20 years, this is by far the best job I’ve ever had and I would give anything not to quit, but the military is moving us.” (If your boss has anything approaching normal human emotions, that first clause is going to help soften things.)

Two other issues your letter raised:

1. Resignation letters are weird and generally unnecessary, unless your company specifically requests one after you resign in person.

2. I believe you that your boss wouldn’t have handled a longer notice period well — because you know her and I don’t — but I haven’t ranted about this in a while, so indulge me:

Managers who react badly to resignations give up any right to expect employees to give them more than two weeks notice. Managers who get significant amounts of notice when an employee is thinking about leaving  are managers who make it safe for employees to do that.

On the employee’s side of things, you should pay attention to how your employer has handled other employees who resign. Are people shown the door immediately? Pushed out earlier than they would have otherwise planned to leave? If so, assume the same may happen to you, and give two weeks and nothing more. But if your employer has a track record of accommodating long notice periods, has been grateful to employees who provide long notice, and has generally shown that employees can feel safe being candid about their plans to leave, consider giving a longer notice period yourself. Some employers “earn” long notice periods by treating resigning employees well.

Okay, rant over. Back to your situation. In sum, you’re entitled to be secretive if you want to, but like many things you’re entitled to do, you’ll probably negatively impact the relationship. Just be honest.

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A reader writes:

I have submitted my two weeks notice and am wondering what I should do if after I have left, if they contact me for phone support? What if my peers call me? I’m thinking soon after I could be polite and offer some level of help but where do I draw the line and say “hey guys, I”m not getting paid for this. If they need my help, they can pay me for it.”

The best thing that you can do is to spend that two weeks creating thorough documentation on the sorts of things that you suspect people might not know after you’re gone. Processes, passwords, the status of various projects — get it all down in writing, and make sure that anyone who might need it knows where it is.

Once you’re gone, it’s considered good form to be willing to answer a small number of inquiries — not actually doing further work, but answering a few questions like “what’s the password for X?” or “do you know where we can find the contract for Y?”  These should be a small number of things that don’t take up significant amounts of your time.

(Of course, you’re not under any formal obligation to do even this. But doing so is kind, will help you maintain a good relationship with your former coworkers and employer, and is fairly typical if you left on good terms.)

Now, if the requests for help you’re getting would take up a significant amount of your time (either individually or cumulatively), at that point you can draw a boundary, by explaining that you can answer the occasional quick question but don’t have time for more than that. Or, if you’re willing to help out if you’re paid for it, you can say to your old boss, “Hey, it seems like you guys are calling on me a lot, to the point that I wanted to raise the possibility of offering you a set number of hours of my time in the next month as a consultant. I’d be willing to do that for $x/hour if that would be helpful.”  (This may lead to a consulting arrangement, but more likely it’ll lead to them leaving you alone.)

You can also address this ahead of time — if you know that people are going to want to call on you a lot after you’re gone, you can try to negotiate something before your last day, like agreeing to be available for assistance for up to three weeks after your last day in exchange for an additional week of vacation pay, or something like that. Or you can agree to a total of one hour of post-exit help, with the understanding that you’ll get compensated for anything beyond that.

Of course, all of this comes down to what you feel like doing, the terms you left on, and what kind of relationship you want to have with them in the future.

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A reader writes:

I have to send the “farewell” mass internal e-mail to my co-workers. You recently wrote about what should be in a resignation letter. I am curious what you would say about the mass internal e-mail bidding goodbye. What do you think is appropriate/inappropriate? What’s the best way to wrap things up?

Ugh, the mass internal goodbye email. I prefer short and sweet — “wanted to let you know that I’m leaving on X date, moving on to do Y, enjoyed my time here, see Z with questions about logistics until my replacement starts.”

But I’ve also worked places that elevated the mass internal goodbye email to an art form — people routinely sent multi-paragraph treatises reflecting on their time there, what they learned, who helped them along the way, their bittersweet emotions at leaving, etc.

Handle it in accordance with what feels comfortable to you, with some consideration to what the norms are in your workplace. Obviously, if the long-form goodbye email is the norm in your office and you send a curt one-line “My last day will be March 10,” expect people to read all kinds of things into it. But that doesn’t mean you have to compose an epic ode to your coworkers; it just means you throw in an additional line or two to soften it.

And if you’re wondering if you should cite your reason for leaving, go for it — if those reasons are about moving, taking a new job, or leaving the workforce (to retire, take care of family members, etc.). You should not cite reasons for leaving if they’re about hating your job, your manager, or your coworkers.

(The most amusing goodbye email I’ve ever seen was from a guy who spent paragraphs thanking numerous people who no longer worked there themselves, some of whom had been gone for years.It clearly read as an F-you to his present coworkers.)

Really, the main rule is to stay professional, don’t say anything inflammatory (either directly or implied), and ask yourself what your next employer would say if they read it.

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A reader writes:

What is the proper form for a good resignation letter?

I’ve written them before and it’s easy when it’s a simple reason for leaving – but it’s a little complicated this time.  I used to love my job (and still love parts of it) but it’s morphed into something that’s not nearly as gratifying – and quite frankly I owe it to myself and my family to see if I can find a position which pays better.

I have nothing but respect for my bosses and the company so I want to be completely transparent about this – I have a sensitive position in a smallish industry and I wouldn’t put my resume out without letting them know.  I don’t want to find another position and then blindside them, and am happy to stay for a couple of months for the transition of finding and training my replacement.  They have a history of allowing this and I want this to go as smoothly for them as possible.

It’s a lot harder to resign when there’s no animosity – I tried to write the letter but it ended up being too long and too specific.

Basically what I want to say is that I need to start looking, use my time on the books for interviews…but I’m willing to stay until the end of March to help them transition if needed.  I just don’t want to do this on the sly – and if it wasn’t well received I’m certainly ready to leave effective immediately – but I want to give them the option because I don’t want to cause more disruption or inconvenience than necessary for them.

My reasons for leaving have been addressed and I am not hopeful anything will change so getting back out on the market is the next step.  I am on the edge of burnout and I want to do this now, while I am still effective and can do this professionally without negatively impacting my company.

I’m going to talk with them, but have the letter with me to present at the time to confirm my offer to stay for the transition if they so desire.

First, huge kudos to you for handling it this way. I wish everyone operated like this.

And I have an easy answer for you: Everything you’re trying to figure out how to put in writing is actually stuff you don’t need to put in the letter. That’s the stuff that you’ll say when you talk in person.

The letter itself is just a formality and should be very short. In fact, lots of people don’t even use them at all. They’re really just there to document that you did in fact resign your job. Your employer will keep it on file in case they ever need it for legal reasons — like if you later sue, or if you file for unemployment claiming you were laid off, or whatever.

So all the letter needs to include is the fact that you’re resigning and the date that resignation is effective — although most people add in a sentence of fluff to soften it as well.

I’m talking just two or three sentences — something like this: “After three years at XYZ Company, I’ve made the difficult decision to move on, and March 31 will be my last day. I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had here, wish the organization every success, and stand ready to help make the transition as smooth as possible.”

(In your case, because you’re flexible on the date, you could change that first sentence to: “After three years at XYZ Company, I’ve made the difficult decision to move on. I’d like to set my final day based on what works best for you; we can set it for any time between now and March 31.”)

And that’s it. The “meat” of the discussion is what you’ll say in person. The letter stays short and sweet. Good luck!

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