update from the reader whose coworker was stalking her

Remember the reader back in March who was concerned that her coworker might be stalking her? He was sending her inappropriate texts, making really inappropriate remarks, and then started to show up places where she was (outside of work)? Here’s her update.

I brought the issue up to my boss and he actually went as far as to hire an outside HR consultancy firm to do a complete overhaul of our outdated employee policy manual, and advise him on exactly what he needed to do in this situation.

About a week after I addressed it with him, he sat me down with a piece of paper that detailed exactly what had happened, and exactly what he would be saying to the other employee. The following day, he came into my office and said that he would be speaking to the employee that day, and that he wanted to know if, if he asks, would I want an apology. His reasoning was that, if he were to be confronted about something like this, he would absolutely want to apologize for the misunderstanding (regardless of whether it’s a misunderstanding, most people will say it was). As an aside, he completely believed me in what was going on since I had documented proof of the text messages and had written down the dates and times of the other incidents.

I told him no, I absolutely did not want an apology, because that would only make it more awkward. I was convinced it was not a misunderstanding, but I was hopeful that after a talking to, he would back off. Which, he did. I stopped feeling uncomfortable around him and it was fine. Mostly, he just didn’t speak to me unless absolutely necessary, which I preferred. My boss continued to check in on me on about a monthly basis, just asking if there were any new developments in that department.

However, about two months after all of this happened, some developments in my life lead to me needing to relocate for personal reasons. Having seen how valued and respected I was as an employee, and knowing how my boss is, I told him my plans as soon as they were set. I did not even have another job yet, and it was about a 2 months notice, much more than your average 2 weeks. I finally found my new job and moved mid summer, but my boss again was so understanding about my job hunt process, and I was able to find and train my replacement for a whole month before I had to leave.

Anyway, it just goes to show how having a good boss, and being a good boss, really is beneficial for both the employees, but also for the company. If I’d only given a two weeks notice, a company wouldn’t have had time to replace me and allow me to train my replacement. So, everyone wins.

{ 21 comments… read them below }

  1. ChristineH

    Just read the original post and – YIKES!!! I’d be creeped out too. Sounds like your boss handled this situation very, very well and that he was so helpful with your relocation.

    By the way, thank you Alison for recommending the Gift of Fear in the original post. I downloaded a sample to my Kindle to see if I might benefit from reading it.

      1. Jennifer O

        On Tuesday while on break, my coworkers and I were talking about our manager/organisation (and how much we appreciate how they handle things).

        I told them that I was feeling compelled to write you:

        “Dear AAM,

        I work for a great organisation, have a great manager and CEO, and enjoy working with each of the coworkers in my department. Here are all the things I appreciate about working for (with) them:

        – [partial list of the things done well]

        That is all.”

        1. Jennifer O

          P.S. I am definitely *not* a Pollyanna or seeing through rose-coloured glasses. I have worked in truly awful, soul-destroying environments. My current situation is soooo much better! I am grateful every day.

      2. Anonymous

        I was thinking the other day about sending in the story of a place that rejected me for a job but was so great through the whole process that it made me really, really want to work there anyway.

  2. Another Emily

    I’m so glad this guy backed off. Good on you OP for the awesome way you handled this. Your boss is also awesome. I hope you have a great boss in your new job too. :)

  3. Elizabeth West

    I’m glad to hear that the boss asked for outside help. So often these situations are pooh-poohed or handled roughly, which in some cases can actually escalate them to a dangerous point. Kudos to the boss for realizing it needed an expert touch.

  4. Jen M.

    This was such an amazing outcome! I, too, was very afraid for the OP. I had no idea it would end this way, and I am so, so grateful!

    We seriously need an Awesome Boss Hall of Fame. Alison and this guy could be the first inductees! ;)

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