four more reader updates

Here are four more updates from readers whose questions were answered here this year:

1. Update from the reader whose coworker was being picked on

The situation sort of seemed to take care of itself. I think once everyone got used to having Bob on the team, the nasty attacks stopped, as it wasn’t really a novelty having him on the team any more. Trial by fire, I suppose? I ended up just trying to be positive whenever they started being snarky, but they would actually look away from me mid-sentence or interrupt me, so I’ve learned the best thing is to keep quiet.

That being said, it’s still not a very nice environment. We had a ballroom dance off at our Christmas party (optional thankfully) and our department ended up having two teams. Everyone, from the head of the department to the assistants got super excited about one team, making them costumes, going on about how they were going to win, etc. The other team (which included Bob) was forgotten about. It was a bit sad, especially because Bob and his partner noticed the different treatment, though I told Bob that I was rooting for his team.

I’ve learned that the snarky coworkers are something that I can’t change, similar to “your boss sucks and isn’t going to change.” All I can do is deal with it, or look for a new job, which is what I’m doing, and hope that they have a better corporate culture.

Thanks to everyone who commented with advice though, it really helped knowing that I wasn’t the crazy one in this situation.

2. Update from the reader wondering if she could ask for a raise after two months (#1 at the link)

I wanted to send you an update. It’s not very exciting, though. Your comments were insightful and helpful. I admit that I was naive but I am growing. So did I ask for a raise after only 2 months? No. I did not ask for a raise or bring up the salary topic with anyone. In hindsight, I can’t believe that I considered that. So I’m really glad that you answered my email. In the end, I did my job and my end-of-year review was great and glowing, so I’m sure a salary bump is in my future based on my performance. I’m glad that I took the time to email you and that you took the time to give me your opinion.

3. Update from a reader who asked about salary in job listings and positions advertised on multiple sites (#6 and #7 at the link)

After a couple of years of unemployment, I have secured a full-time position. The pros are that it is a decent salary, steady paycheck, and health benefits. The cons are that it is not what I wanted, longer commute and hours, and I am going into it with my eyes wide-open because the company has played games throughout this process. So, while I am concerned, I will also be going into it with positivity, the knowledge it is a step back into the workforce, beggars cannot be choosers, and it can lead to something else. As well as knowing this is a job and not my life. My life is my volunteering, being there for family and friends, and spending everyday with my dog.

As a side note, I really love how my resume looks after you gave me feedback on it. And reading your column has broadened my horizons towards managers as well as everyone involved in an organization.

4. Update from the reader who didn’t want to drive her coworker to work events

Before I had a chance to politely decline the coworker who was asking for a ride to offsite events, he asked me about it in the middle of a conference room with 10+ other coworkers listening. I didn’t want to come across as disagreeable/bullying, because coworker is generally mild mannered and well liked. So I told him it was out of my way, but I might be able to do it if it was an absolute necessity. He immediately asked what time I’d be picking him up. I was now even more annoyed that he used a public setting to get me to agree. 

At this point, my post showed up on on AAM.  Commenters were disgusted both with the coworker and with my comment revealing the above.  I agreed with the commenters who suggested that perhaps coworker was a clueless type who didn’t think about how his green agenda could impact others. 

Coworker then sent an email asking me to confirm details for his pickup.  I confirmed for the first day and asked that he find an alternate transportation for the subsequent events. I also mentioned that I’d secured parking passes for both of us at the destination.  His responded to say that he’d just drive himself instead.  Mission accomplished.  However, I did have to put up with more passive-aggressive behavior from the coworker at the events.

{ 13 comments… read them below }

  1. jesicka309

    #4… what an a*hole. I’m glad he got the message in the end, but the passive aggressive thing is a bit much. :( Good on you for sticking up for yourself!

    1. Not So NewReader

      Yeah, that is not something that is going to go away instantly. Hang tough, OP, it will taper off in a bit.

  2. Elizabeth West

    Update #1 – No, you DEFINITELY weren’t the crazy one. Snarky coworkers can be the worst. I hope you find something where the attitudes are better.

    Update #4 – Clueless is a good word for him. Sheesh. At least you don’t have to drive him anymore.

    1. AdAgencyChick

      I think “clueless” is too nice a word for #4. Clueless implies really not knowing that one’s requests are out of line. I have a feeling this guy knows it — that’s why he asks in public, so that it’s embarrassing to the OP to say no.

      “Manipulative d-bag” is the phrase I would pick. Especially since he decided to be passive-aggressive when denied what he wants.

        1. AnonEMoose

          +2. I had a co-worker pull the passive-aggressive public request on me over a different issue a few weeks ago. And I did tell her no, both times, because I refuse to reward that behavior. Uncomfortable, but necessary, and at least my boss understood when I talked with her about it later.

          1. MaryTerry

            Ha! reminds me of my kids – when they asked me if their friend could come over in front of the friend, the answer was automatically “no”.

            1. Laura L

              My mom did that too! But it ultimately benefited me, because I had a hard time saying no to things I didn’t want to do, so she’d always ask me if I wanted to do it or not and if I said no, I’d tell my friend that my mom wouldn’t let me.

              Which I don’t do now-I own my opinions-but it was very helpful when I was 10.

              1. Laura L

                Oh, also, if I didn’t want to do something my friends were pressuring me to do, I’d ask my mom in front of them, on purpose, and she just said no, then and there.

                Man, glad I’ve learned to be assertive!

            2. Jamie

              Wow – mine too. The whole don’t you dare put me on the spot because even if I would have said yes I won’t now maneuver.

              That went hand in hand with the “If you need an immediate answer it’s no. If you continue to badger me it’s no. If you give me a little time to think about it I’ll consider your request.”

              My mom would have made a great manager – she had this way of enforcing rules without ever raising her voice or getting flustered.

  3. EngineerGirl

    #1 Makes me very sad. The bullying hasn’t stopped – it has just gone into detente.

    I would challenge what is on. But I have extreme intolerance for this sort of juvenile behavior.

  4. Becca

    My Gosh #1 makes me so sad….if I were Bob I’d have a hard time going to work every day. I just keep imagining someone like my dad as ‘Bob’ and that breaks my heart even more.

    OP, I don’t know if you can bring concerns to management about this but I’d honestly be worried about his emotional well-being!

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