updates: the soda policer, the person who slept through a day of work, and more

Here are three updates from people who had their letters answered here in the past.

1. My coworker keeps nagging me about drinking diet soda (#2 at the link)

First of all, a huge thanks to you and the commenters for the support and confirmation that I wasn’t thinking that my coworker was overstepping his bounds with the comments about my diet soda habit. Unfortunately, there are a lot of politics in play in my office and I couldn’t be as direct with my responses as what was listed, but I was able to adapt some of them successfully! I didn’t state it in my letter, but I am a contractor and half of my job is to provide administrative support for the department, so I do have to tread lightly with a lot of things (especially upper management).

After my letter was published, things actually calmed down with the coworker and he didn’t make any comments or statements for several weeks. I was surprised, but it did eventually come back around. Once he did, I didn’t engage. I mostly ignored his comments with pointed silence, but If I did respond, it was with a simple and stern “yes” to his “still drinking diet soda?” It didn’t leave any room for conversation and it only took a few rounds of this before he stopped entirely with the nagging about my drink choice.

There was one additional comment that came several weeks later that surprised me… At our year-end party in January, he peeked over my shoulder while I was eating my lunch and said, “That doesn’t look gluten free!” For context, at the time he was eating gluten-free and I believe he practices veganism with his family, so it wasn’t a huge surprise that he said something. Instead of laughing it off like I would have done before, I turned to him and responded “Nope, it’s not. I don’t eat a gluten-free diet.” and I continued eating. He didn’t say anything after that, and it’s been five months since! I think he’s finally realized that I don’t want or appreciate his advice on my food or drink choices.

Now that it’s stopped, I realized that his comments before were making me dread interactions with him and I would actively avoid any conversations where he was involved. Our work relationship is much better now and working with him has gotten a thousand times easier since I’m not always on the defense around him. Thanks again for all the advice and support!

2. I slept through an entire day of work

Two months ago I wrote to you in a panic after sleeping through a day of work.

After months of doctor’s visits, it turns out I have been suffering from Crohn’s disease and fibromyalgia. I just wanted to say thank you, because the advice from you and your readers was the first step in normalizing what felt like a shameful experience. Rather than view myself as a slacker or screw up, I felt encouraged to address my fatigue as a real issue.

Things are still tough, trying to manage chronic illnesses with a new and demanding job, but I’m really grateful that you chose to answer my question.

3. My boss has phone sex with his girlfriend with his office door open

I was determined not to send in an update until I had a happy one. And the only happy one would be me getting the hell out of there … I’m happy to say I am finally gone after a very, very, very long job search.

I’m still in shock my boss was nominated for worst boss of the year in 2015. It’s such an honor that other’s recognized his craziness and also deflating that I was stuck with him for what seemed like forever.

After I wrote to you the multiple times a day calls from the girlfriend stopped completely. I was starting to wonder if either he found out I wrote into AAM or he and his girlfriend broke up. Turns out they didn’t break up, I think she just got a new job and didn’t have time to call him all day. He on the other hand still had plenty of time to make other loud personal calls all day and do no work. But that’s a whole other issue. I could write a novel on him and that place.

Shortly before I quit we were at our company picnic. He came solo and drank heavily. Someone asked him where his girlfriend was. He replied that she was waiting at home for him. The person said something like, “oh yeah, sure.” He said, “she really is, look!” That is when he pulled out his cell phone and began showing everyone indecent pictures of his girlfriend.

I really wanted to call his girlfriend and let her know what her man was really like. But I’ve read AAM enough to know my time would be better spent job hunting. I’m happy to say so far at my new job I have not heard anyone have phone sex, already a step up!

{ 231 comments… read them below }

  1. Greta Vedder*

    I once fell asleep at a staff meeting years ago. Thankfully, I woke up immediately and no one noticed. That was when I realized I wasn’t a college student anymore and it was time to stop going out on weeknights.

    1. Anonymosity*

      Both this post and your comment make me think of that scene in The Dark Knight where Bruce Wayne is completely conked out at the board meeting.

      1. Arconcyl*

        On my very first day at a new job, we were taken around to meet various department heads who would explain what they were doing to us. For my luck, I was the only non-manager in the group of three. I feel like people were going into way more detail because the other two were managers than they would’ve if it had just been non-manager new hires.

        At one point, I started falling asleep. Right in front of the person that was talking.

        There were three of us, seated in chairs, facing him across the desk and no matter what I did, my eyes just kept shutting and I’d start drifting off to sleep. I resorted to jabbing myself in the palm with my own fingernails every few seconds to stay awake and STILL one of the managers noticed and commented on it to me about “I know it’s not interesting to you but it’s very rude to fall asleep” or words to that effect.

        I REALLY WASN’T DOING IT ON PURPOSE, I was just exhausted and badly in need of sleep due to perpetual sleep dep problems. >_< But what a terrible impression to make on your first day!

    2. Cyrus*

      I don’t stay up too late, but there are a lot of mid-afternoon meetings with dim lights (have to make the overhead projectors visible, of course), droning voices (middle management and engineers aren’t selected for their oratory) talking about arcane topics (maybe this is just me but I often wind up at meetings where details are not my problem except maybe in one specific part). If I have a big lunch it can be very hard to keep from nodding a bit too much during them.

      1. Enya*

        OMG, this is me. I dread afternoon meetings with a certain other dept head because the combination of dim lighting (for presentations) and this dept head’s droning voice always set my eyes to closing. If its after lunch, it’s much worse. I try to eat very little on those days until after the meeting. It can get horrible trying to stay awake.

        1. Carpe Librarium*

          I’ve fallen foul of this setup before, too.
          My trick now is to bring a drink with me to after lunch meetings and presentations. Something to just sip on quietly every few minutes or whatever. It helps keep me *moving* a little bit.

          Also, after a couple of mishaps I’ve learned that if I start to feel drowsy, DON’T sit there trying to fight it, what little brainpower I have at that moment is focussed solely on trying to keep my eyes open, so I’m not absorbing any information anyway.
          I just excuse myself to the bathroom and splash my face or, if makeup is an issue, wash my hands and forearms all the way up to the elbows with cold water.
          The cold water, moving my whole body, and leaving the drowsy room cor a minute all help to reset my mind so I can come back refreshed, and the whole process only takes a couple of minutes.
          If I miss anything vital another attendee can fill me in after.

          1. spocklady*

            Yes! A related solution that worked for me was chewing minty gum.

            This used to happen to me (and a friend!) in one particular class in college. It was just after lunch, the professor had a quiet voice, and did a lot of powerpoint presentations with the front lights dimmed.

            We tried sitting front and center, on the theory that the shame of nodding off so publicly would help. No dice. We tried filling our travel mugs up with coffee on our way out of the cafeteria to bring with us. No joy. What finally worked was mint gum. Something about the smell/taste of mint combined with the constant chewing action was enough to keep us from passing out cold.

            The professor was really a lovely person with a great (although understated) sense of humor. We just could.not. with his lectures though. Man that was rough.

      2. Beaded Librarian*

        Makes me think of my current directors first day on the job. Our HVAC system was pretty much not working and it was one of the hottest days of the year so far it was well into the 80s in the building. We had fans going where we could for both us and patrons but I was seated at the welcome desk which has terrible lighting so kept starting to nod off because it was a pretty slow day. I was mortified that I was going to make a bad impression. She thankfully was far more worried about getting the cooling problem fixed.

      3. TardyTardis*

        I make sure to have a notepad and look like I’m diligently taking notes. What I write down may or may not be related to the talk…but I stay awake. Sometimes just barely.

      4. Specialk9*

        Bring a cup of ice, discreetly palm a piece, and drop it somewhere it’ll be against skin but not super visible. You’ll stay awake then!

  2. Afiendishthingy*

    Omg “That doesn’t look gluten-free”. The petty part of me would want to start saying random crap to him like “That doesn’t look like locally sourced produce” or “Those shoelaces don’t look organic.” But I’m glad he’s laid off and OP doesn’t have to deal with that anymore.

    1. The Cosmic Avenger*

      Someone once snarked about their pet cause on Facebook by commenting on a mutual friend’s post TOTALLY UNRELATED to that cause, and I responded “And the main export of Bolivia is natural gas.”, and both the OP and the snarker Liked that comment! Go figure. But that ended the flame war…er, conversation before it got started.

    2. EddieSherbert*

      Hahaha, that would be so great! I can just imagine OP slowly walking by his desk, backtracking, slowly leaning over to awkward staring under his desk…. “hmmm, those shoelaces don’t look organic.”

      Disclaimer: Probably shouldn’t do that, OP. But if you do, make sure to tell us how it goes!!!

      1. Diet Soda OP*

        I’m going to have trouble keeping a straight face the next time he’s in his office!

    3. Marthooh*

      I would be so tempted to make a snarky shoelace response! But I think OP1 is smarter than we are.

    4. Pollygrammer*

      Or pretend to take it as a compliment.
      “That doesn’t look gluten-free!”
      “You’re right, it does actually taste like normal food, thanks!”

        1. Kathleen_A*

          If it’s a salad, it looks like a salad, only no croutons. If it’s chicken, there’s no breading. :-) If it’s bread, well, it just looks sad. I mean, I’ve heard from anti-gluten people that you can get bread that tastes “just as good as bread made with regular flour,” but my experience and that of an acquaintance with celiac disease tells me that the only way anybody can say this in all seriousness is if they’ve forgotten what real bread tastes and chews like.

          I swear on an entire stack of bibles that I have seen a bag of sugar – just regular old white sugar exactly like that found in supermarkets across the western world – labeled “gluten free.” My thought was, “Well, it had dang well better be.”

          1. KR*

            Marking the sugar as gluten free may seem obvious but some companies put additives containing gluten in food. Many companies, realizing the celiac and gluten sensitivity is a thing, stopped putting those additives in their food or want to clarify to consumers that they don’t use those additives.

            You’re right about a lot of times people forget what gluten food taste like, but gluten free food has really grown by leaps and bounds in quality in recent years.

            1. Specialk9*

              Yeah. You know what’s not gluten free? Rice krispies. They’re rice! But crispy! Fortunately there are GF rice krispies. But yeesh.

          2. Turquoisecow*

            I used to work in a supermarket, and at the edge of the healthy/organic section they put a display of pork rinds with a sign advertising them as a Gluten Free Snack.

            So, no bread, but you can have pork rinds!

            1. Alton*

              That is a funny for a “healthy food” section. Though, I’m sure there are a lot of people with celiac who appreciate gluten-free pork rinds. Most of the people I know with the condition still enjoy junk food as much as anyone else.

              1. Knitting Cat Lady*

                I once saw pork rinds with this written on the bag:

                ‘Healthy Low Carb Alternative to Potato Chips!’

                They’re low carb, sure. But healthy? Certainly not if you eat a whole bag of them…

            2. Teapot librarian*

              In college, I had a friend who truly believed that the bag of hard candies labelled “FAT FREE!” were healthy. I tried to explain to her that hard candies are basically always fat free but they’re still essentially pure sugar, but she didn’t get it. She also thought that pork was vegetarian.

              1. CMFDF*

                I’ve seen strawberries labeled gluten-free. At one point, almost my entire local grocery store’s produce section had gluten-free tags next to all of the prices.

                As someone who is gluten-free, I was rolling my eyes so hard.

                1. whingedrinking*

                  Hands down the worst thing I’ve ever seen was a body wash labelled gluten free. And yes, gluten issues can extend to skin contact, okay – but why *would* there be gluten in your body wash to begin with?!

                2. Alica*

                  whingedrinking, I’m thinking of the trend for oats in skincare maybe? There’s definitely an Aveeno advert with Jennifer Aniston where there’s an oaty version, and oats are generally contaminated with wheat. Seems a bit of a stretch though.

                3. the other April Ludgate*

                  +1 ..and I’ve seen vegan nail polish…it stank exactly the same as the drug store one without the label..and cost twice as much

                4. Specialk9*

                  Are you mocking the fact that cosmetics are labeled gluten free? You know, of course, that gluten is an excellent emulsifier and stabilizer for cosmetics? And that it’s a common binder for medications? And is hidden in all kinda of weird foods?

                  So in other words, YEAH that body wash was labeled gluten free. Good for them for making that change.

              1. Specialk9*

                Oh no. Hahaha.

                There’s a fair amount of corruption in the kosher certifying world, sadly.

          3. NoMoreFirstTimeCommenter*

            Gluten free person here. I can’t say anything about what kinds of gluten free bread is available in each corner of the world, but I can say that good tasting gluten free bread does exist and often it doesn’t even look sad. In many cases it doesn’t look or taste like wheat bread though. I think this is key to the whole issue: people think that wheat bread is the ultimate model version of bread and everything else is judged by how much it resembles wheat bread. You just need to detach yourself from this “wheat normative” mindset and there are so many kinds of bread that are good, just different.

            Or maybe it’s just me being so tired of people pitying me for my food that I feel like it’s a personal insult when someone writes negative comments about gluten free bread on the internet…

            1. Kathleen_A*

              I don’t want to yank the discussion off-topic with a debate about gluten, so I’ll just say that I’m glad you’ve found products you’re happy with. All I can say is that I’ve tried several gluten-free breads – just out of curiosity – and they’ve all been….well, not good. Not uneatable and not the worst things I’ve ever eaten, but also not good. (I had a gluten-free cupcake that was excellent, though.) But I’m very happy for people who can’t eat gluten that there are alternatives that are acceptable to them.

              1. Specialk9*

                Generally you’re right. But look up a recipe called “Life Changing Bread”. It’s very Scandinavian, and is diviiiiiine. I had a whole informal dinner party once just around that bread, GF and gluten lovers alike. Toast it, layer on an herbed cream cheese, salmon, thin sliced red onions or pickle slivers… Mwah! Or just butter and honey.

            2. Sam.*

              I think this mindset is key! It probably doesn’t taste like the “original” version of the food, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be good. (I once had a vegan coworker swear that her vegan eggnog tasted exactly like the real thing, which…no. But tasty? Sure!)

            3. dlw*

              I don’t eat gluten free, but I do get crepes from a place that only does gluten free crepes. And the crepes are delicious. So I don’t know about bread, but things like crepes can be just as good gluten-free.

              1. Specialk9*

                Makes sense, gluten is the thing that makes bread stretchy, so it captures pockets of gas and ends up with rise and little pockets. A crepe doesn’t need rise. Thanks for the tip!

          4. Beth*

            A lot of things that intuitively seem like they should be gluten free actually do need the label because some producers use non-gluten-free additives or process their product in a non-gluten-free plant. Cross contamination can be a big deal for people with celiacs, even if it’s only very small particles of gluten drifting over from an assembly line across the factory.

            1. Decima Dewey*

              Some gluten free products can be delicious. And the only way anyone would buy some others is because of the gluten free label.

            2. many bells down*

              Oats are the biggest problem. Yeah, oats themselves have no gluten, but most of the time they’re processed on the same equipment as wheat and are highly contaminated.

              1. Honoria*

                I did not know that. I’m so glad you posted, ‘cos I have patties for friends with various restrictions, including gluten sensitivity, and I had no idea about the oats

                1. many bells down*

                  You can definitely get GF oats, but you do have to check. Bob’s Red Mill is usually safe, and even Quaker I believe has some GF oats now (but it might just be their packaged breakfast oatmeals)

              2. cyan*

                Just an additional tidbit: it even starts earlier with the fields. This is why purity protocol oats are king for Celiac sufferers, and that optical sorting is still dangerous (also why Cheerios is a no-go for Celiac folks). It’s a pain!

                1. echidna*

                  Worse still, a good proportion of celiacs react to the gluten-like protein in oats, even the expensive ones that have been grown and processed to be wheat-free. I’m one of them.

                  The comment about how ridiculous it is for carrots to be gluten free- it isn’t. There was an outcry some years ago because supermarkets would spray the fruit and veggies with water that had gluten in it – it helped keep the produce fresher. Gluten does not need to be declared as a preservative, and doesn’t need to be listed as an ingredient if it is only used in processing. Gluten-free, though, means that it hasn’t been used that way.

                2. xms967*

                  (Do you have a link re Cheerios and it being a no-go for celiac folk? Because I can’t do gluten, and I can’t always do Cheerios…)

                3. NoMoreFirstTimeCommenter*

                  Reply to echidna, can’t reply directly to that: That’s awful. I’m starting to understand why celiac sufferers in the US get so much more accidental exposure to gluten than European ones. (I saw some statistics about that once, I don’t know if those numbers are available online but I remember the difference was big.) Under EU legislations wheat and gluten, along with 15-ish other common allergens, always need to be listed as ingredients, not called something else, and to be written in bold or capital letters to make them stand out. And any possibility for contamination also has to be written on the package.

                4. cyan*

                  @echidna It’s actually a very small portion of Celiacs who react to oats, thankfully. University of Chicago puts it at less than 1%. You know, on the carrot thing, I’ve also seen people saying that sometimes their produce is near flour — so of course they get sick! It’s seriously a never ending disaster.

                  @xms967 Try Gluten Free Watchdog, there’s a lot on Cheerios not being Celiac safe.

          5. Logan*

            This usually means that it was prepared in a facility which has no possibility of cross-contamination. It’s not as stupid a comment as many believe, if you can have severe health repurcussions from even a minute trace of gluten.

            1. Kathlynn*

              Some pepperoni and other foods use flour as a filler or additive. There is also bacon that has cornbread on it (a type of Canadian bacon)

          6. cleo*

            Speaking as someone who’s gluten free because I have celiac disease, I appreciate the gf labeling even on things that seem like they’d be obviously gf. The tricky thing about being gf is avoiding the the hidden gluten in processed foods – a lot of foods use it as a binding agent or thickener and that’s not even getting into cross contamination. When I was diagnosed in 2001, I spent a fair amount of time researching and even calling some of my favorite brands to make sure they were safe for me to eat.

            There was a “you know you have celiac if..” type joke list going around the celiac / gluten intolerant community awhile ago. My favorite one was “You read the ingredients of green tea. Plain green tea.” I love it because it’s true. I have Celiac and you better believe I read the ingredients of every bag of tea. Only once have I found a gluten containing ingredient (there was barley in an herbal tea) but that was enough to keep me vigilante.

            1. many bells down*

              And you have to keep checking things too. One brand of chili mix we used to buy all the time changed their recipe and wasn’t safe anymore. Or something that seems like it has no reason to have flour, totally has flour.

              Seasoned French Fries are one of those. They don’t just put “sea salt and cracked pepper” on the fries, they mix those things into flour and coat the fries with them.

              1. cleo*

                Yes! I’ve changed yogurt brands a few times because of that. Such a drag. And plain french fries that are frozen can have flour /gluten added to the bag to keep them from sticking.

          7. AKchic*

            Bread – cardboard. The word you’re looking for is “cardboard”. At least – that’s how it tastes/feels in my mouth/hands.

          8. xms967*

            I get people asking if GF bread is as good as “normal” bread.

            Me: “Objectively yes! Because the latter would basically poison me for days!”

            I feel that’s not what they were asking. Too bad for them!

        2. many bells down*

          If you’re comparing it directly to a non-GF version of the same thing you can usually see the difference. Yesterday my husband and I went out for breakfast and his GF waffles looked very different than my regular ones.

    5. Falling Diphthong*

      Who the heck has so much free time that wandering around observing to perplexed people that things look like they might contain gluten? (I am at the moment eating a gluten-free salad, but you don’t see my cat wandering by and commenting on it.)

      1. Turquoisecow*

        Cats don’t want salad regardless of gluten. They’re more concerned with meat. :)

        1. Beth*

          Mine isn’t interested in human food unless it’s smothered in butter. Chicken breast? no interest. Croissants? he’s all over that.

          1. Master Bean Counter*

            Funny! My cat will only eat salt & vinegar potato chips. Won’t even do plain.

            1. pope suburban*

              Our love carbs. Cheddar-flavored goldfish crackers, saltines, Snapea Crisps (She goes mad for these, and will storm your lap to get at them when she smells them on the air), salt and vinegar chips, the occasional ultra-spicy Taki, she’s all for. Doesn’t bother with meat or cheese, only selectively samples dairy (Ice cream is okay, depending on flavor, but yogurt and sour cream are disdained), but she’ll give any kind of chip or crunchy snack at least a good sniff.

          1. Anonymosity*

            A vegan cat would be dead. Though I suppose as a ghost, it might have the power of speech; who knows.

            “Oh crap, I’m dead. Aha! I can talk! Finally, I can judge the humans out loud!”

        2. Danger: Gumption Ahead*

          I dunno my cat and dog beg for garbanzo beans and lentils. I have no idea why, but they love them

        3. Serin*

          I had a college friend whose cat would fish Brussels sprouts out of the garbage and eat them. The even greater mystery was how two single college guys had Brussels sprouts in their garbage in the first place.

          1. SarahKay*

            Firstly, I have to clean the coffee from my keyboard now.

            Secondly, they have them because someone, somewhere, (possibly a family member, certainly a serious optimist) decided these guys should eat more healthily and bought the Brussels sprouts for them, forgetting that these are two single college guys and the only possible place the sprouts would end up was the bin….although possibly by way of an extended vacation in the veg drawer of the refrigerator.

          2. many bells down*

            We had a cat in college that would happily eat mixed vegetables but had a special fondness for bok choy. She’d steal it off the counter if you left it unattended.

            We once made a list of everything that cat *wouldn’t* eat, and the only foods on it were “chocolate” and “raw onion.”

            1. Arielle*

              I recently discovered that the list of things my dog won’t eat has increased to two items after I dropped a green olive on the floor. (The other one is lettuce.)

              1. Gazebo Slayer*

                My parents have had dogs thst love lettuce. And I’ve known a couple of people whose cats ate flowers.

        4. Lora*

          Had a cat once that ate broccoli. She apparently thought it was the perfect side dish to Field Mouse Tartare.

          1. MCsAngel2*

            My beloved tortie cat Penny LOVED broccoli. When she turned 20, we bought a small birthday cake and garnished the top heavily with broccoli stalks for her to eat.

        5. Teapot librarian*

          One of mine has recently discovered bananas and cherries, and last night I caught him with the top of a red pepper that hadn’t made it off the counter and into the garbage can yet.

        6. AKchic*

          It depends. My Izzi loves salad. She was born from a feral litter and rescued as a 3 week old kitten and is my garbage cat. 6lbs of fur and head bonks and salad thievery. She loves lettuce.

          1. Seal*

            One of mine loves lettuce too. Every time I have a salad he grabs a piece and runs off with it. Cute and a bit weird.

        7. Valerie*

          We had a cat who went nuts over nectarines. She’d get all up in your face wanting some! I’ve never seen a cat before or since who had that much love for nectarines.

      2. Emma the Strange*

        What annoys me is the implication that eating glutenfull food is some sort of Sin Against Healthy Eating for all people, not just those with Celiac’s and the like (I say this as someone who actually has Celiac’s). I mean, sure, going gluten free might be good for you if it gets you to cut back on carbs, but it’s not actually the lack of gluten that’s helping you then. A diet of nothing but potatoes and rice is gluten free, and definitely not good for you.

        1. Daughter of Ada and Grace*

          My brother makes a delicious gluten free cheesecake. The filling ingredients are gluten free to begin with, and he makes the crust out of rolled oats (the expensive ones that are milled separately and guaranteed gluten free), crushed nuts, and ALL THE BUTTER.

          Safe for his celiac fiancee to eat? Absolutely.
          Low carb? Not with that much sugar.
          Health food? Absolutely not.

        2. Alex the Alchemist*

          Yeah, it’s like when people automatically assume that being vegetarian is healthier. Let me tell you, I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 13 and the amount of macaroni and cheese that I have consumed in that time is both impressive and unhealthy.

        3. Socks*

          It’s like when people think my diet must be really healthy, you know, because I don’t eat meat! And it’s like… I had an ice cream sandwich for breakfast this morning?? I ate licorice for a whole meal accidentally the other day. Oreos are vegan, man. I’m pretty sure that if you want to find something unhealthy to eat, no dietary restriction can ever truly stop you.

        4. Tau*

          This was what made my brain break. It’s not like gluten is actively harmful to most of the population? I don’t have celiac’s, I don’t have any sort of gluten sensitivity, why in the world should I be eating GF?

        5. Glowcat*

          Yeah, it annoys me too. Gluten-free flour is typically made of rice or corn, so it has a very high glycemic index. It’s not really healthy if you’re not celiac, and for people with insulin sensitivity like the LW (and me) it would be suicide.

    6. Beth*

      Right?? What a weird thing to say–like, even in the realm of ‘pressure other people to eat the way I eat’ strategies, it’s weird to just act like of COURSE they’re trying to follow your diet.

      1. AMT*

        What a great technique to ratchet up the self-righteousness, though! Instead of trying to change everyone’s eating habits, just assume that your diet is the only normal one and act baffled when someone eats one of the 90% of foods that aren’t included in it.

    7. Strawmeatloaf*


      Seriously, what does his eaten gluten free have to do with letter OP?

    8. Empty Sky*

      I thought the response to this one was perfect. Polite, professional, didn’t take the bait, and shut down the line of conversation effectively. I have made a mental note of it in case I ever find myself in a similar situation.

    1. Parenthetically*

      I mean on the scale of “extraordinarily shitty things to do”… this is WAYY up there.

      1. Cornflower Blue*

        YEAH. That’s not just a problem because he’s being a bad boss. That’s a problem because he is being a BAD PERSON since I sincerely doubt his GF gave him permission to share those photos with all and sundry.

    2. Kate*

      Seriously. I was actually thinking his infraction seemed fairly tame compared to more recent worst bosses, but then just EWWWWWWWW!

      1. Bea*

        Back to back awards seems legit for so many of these nasty people who just keep doubling down on bad-boss-behavior.

    3. The Original K.*

      Can you imagine?? I might actually scream if my boss showed me nude/sexual pictures of his SO.

    4. Falling Diphthong*

      Can I do a little MC Hammer slide over into the logic of this?

      • If his phone connects to this thing called the internet, it’s easy to find some naked photos. Naked photos do not prove sex happened.
      • If the naked photos are of someone they once dated, still having them on your phone does not prove you are dating now.

      It’s gross on many levels, yet while also reeking of desperation.

      1. Not a Mere Device*

        * Even if the naked photos are of someone he’s dating now, they don’t prove she’s “at home, waiting for him.”

        That’s just not how photos, or photo albums, work.

        1. Lora*

          “You don’t know her, she lives in Canada.”
          AKA, “this one time, at band camp…”

      2. Gazebo Slayer*

        …what if all the phone sex was with an imaginary partner too? Or with someone catfishing him?

        *dives down rabbit hole*

    5. ScienceLady*

      It’s like the most aggressive form of “my girlfriend who lives in Canada” defense ever!

      1. MCsAngel2*

        I wish you could meet my girlfriend
        My girlfriend who lives in Canada.
        She couldn’t be sweeter, I wish you could meet her
        My girlfriend who lives in Canada!

      2. smoke tree*

        I live in Canada, and one of my friends is dating someone who lives in the US. The trope doesn’t really work in reverse, but I kind of hope all of his friends think she’s imaginary.

  3. Lindsay*

    Updater #3: Write that novel! Please send the link to AAM when you do, so we can all buy it.

    1. West Coast Reader*

      I would definitely buy it even if it’s an e-book or a quick PDF filled with short stories about this dude haha.

    2. Falling Diphthong*

      I think it was Molly Ivins who observed of book tours that while many very bizarre things happened, they eventually became stories you could dine out on. (Example was a friend of hers getting her hair done by a woman who came to the hotel, and mid-styling observed that she hadn’t worked on a live person in a long time. Turns out her usual gig was arranging corpses for viewings, but someone somewhere made the connection to “or visiting authors, they’re similar.”)

    3. Jesca*

      I think OP #3’s manager follow up story should be nominated AGAIN for worst boss of the year cuz OMG what!!?

  4. Bea*


    I would destroy any man who was this vile.

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      I am choosing to believe for my own sanity that they weren’t actual nudes, they were simply suggestive. Which is still inappropriate, but less rage-inducing.

    2. seller of teapots*

      Also! He was showing them as proof that they hadn’t broken up but….they do not prove that!

      I don’t know why the failure of logic is what gets me here.

        1. Bea*

          Omg what if it’s a phone sex operator and he’s the creep who acts like that’s his GF. That adds depth.

      1. Bea*

        Given their 99 times a day phone sex, I imagine her at home right then sending pics. And him being all “SEEEEEEEEE SHE’S HOME RIGHT NOWWWWW DAAAAAATE STAAAAAMPSSSSSS!!!”

        Put your receipts away, pig boy!

  5. SoCalHR*

    I’m so glad OP2 got some relief from her shame considering the exhaustion wasn’t caused by blatant irresponsibility (i.e. partying every night or something) and the boss’ response to the situation was normal/healthy/good management – Seems like Alison’s feedback and the comments helped her see that the situation wasn’t as bad as she felt it was.

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      Agreed! I felt so bad for that LW and am glad that things are going well at work and that she is taking good care of herself.

      1. Married a Coworker*

        Yes! It’s funny how a diagnosis can put things into perspective. I had the same thing going on late last year. I’d felt for years that I was lazy and therefore tired all the time. I wondered what I was doing wrong that exercise made me feel worse, and none of the other lifestyle changes made me less tired. I ran out of excuses for why it was all my fault. Months of testing and doctor visits later, turns out I wasn’t just failing at life- I have Narcolepsy! My brain is physically incapable of regulating fatigue/alertness properly. Hard to turn that into a personal failure, isn’t it? I am so much more at peace now, even though Narcolepsy stinks.

        1. Persimmons*

          …Exercise makes me more tired, too. I thought everyone who claimed it gave them energy were just perky liars.


          1. blink14*

            YES! I have this same problem! I’ve been thinking on a theory that my body doesn’t create endorphins (or enough of them) from exercise. There’s also a theory out there that introverted people tend to create and crave more serotonin and and extroverted people tend to create and crave more endorphins. That would 100% describe me!

            1. Specialk9*

              There’s are a number of neurological conditions that impact whether your brain processes biological rewards properly, or produces the right amount of neurotransmitters to turn exertion into pleasure. A healthy brain generally finds exercise pleasurable (so long as it’s not too extreme or painful), so this may be a clue to go digging medically. I recommend Integrative Medicine if regular doctors don’t help.

              Extroversion / introversion as an explanation sounds like the kind of suspect theory made by non-scientists to explain the world. It’s a human thing to do, but causes harm when it blocks one from finding out the science. For example, one of my doctor specialists, who should have known better, told me my problem was that I was Type A. She had a whole theory, and didn’t need to look at any of my many test results to be certain that was my problem. (It wasn’t, I had about 8 concrete medical conditions that were easily found with the right tests. The only thing my “Type A” did was keep me going despite doctors who told me deeply wrong things with great confidence.)

              1. Wicked Odd*

                My rule of thumb is that 100% of the time that a doctor is immediately 100% sure about your case, they are (at least partly) wrong. It’s like the trick in testing at school: if a true/false question uses “always” or “never,” chances are the answer is “false.”

          2. Married a Coworker*

            Ask me how I feel right after working out, and I’ll say, “So great! I should do this more!” But you’d have to ask RIGHT after, because in no time at all I’m passed out in a sweat heap on whatever furniture I get to first.

          3. Specialk9*

            You might get checked out. That’s also a symptom of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. (Just make sure you look up the Canadian symptoms list, otherwise the US list is “are you tired a lot? Ok then you have CFS” which is unhelpful.) That said, you might need an Integrative Medicine doctor if the other tests are inconclusive. Standard doctors can get stumped.

  6. Parenthetically*

    Ye gods, OP1, your responses were just perfection — sucking all the drama right out of the situation. ALL my kudos for the irreproachable professionalism in dealing with an overbearing dillweed.

    1. Diet Soda OP*

      To be totally honest, during the worst of it, it was really difficult not to completely blow up at him. But I know that my job is a lot easier if I’m not seen as the office grump (and it pays so well that I wouldn’t be willing to risk it) so I had to keep it tamped down… Had it been a friend or family member, I would have been a whole lot more forceful after the first comment. I did, however, vent a lot to my parents and husband and made it clear to them in private that he would have to “pry it out of my cold, dead, hands” before I’d give in to his guilt tactics.

      All in all, I’m just glad it’s over with! He’s actually very nice, and it’s a relief to be able to work beside his office without cringing in anticipation every time he walks by.

      1. ScienceLady*

        Semi-side note, OP1: Have you heard the podcast Science Vs.? They investigate some sort of claim (e.g. claims regarding organic food, vaccines, etc.) and analyze the real science behind them. The one on artificial sweeteners is fascinating! (Long story short – no science to back up most of the pop culture claims.)

        1. Diet Soda OP*

          I have! My husband listens to it religiously and came home one day to tell me all about it and it was so interesting! I don’t think I’d had that information at the time this all started, or else I definitely would have used it in my defense argument.

      2. Specialk9*

        I worked in that kind of work environment, so I know how delicately one has to tread. I found that, while I had to be super careful, I could actually pull the reins on people being rude or abusive, by cheerfully saying something. What are they going to do, tell the Contracting Officer that you asked them to stop commenting on your food? (Though if you have seen that they’re the type to make stuff up out of vindictiveness, that’s another story, just don’t touch that – but it sounds like he’s not that way.)

        So with a smile, and a touch of concern: “You comment on my food and drink a lot, what’s up with that?” … “I’d really prefer we focus on work rather than what I’m eating or drinking.”

        I found that when I started pushing back, very carefully, I had more social power than I realized. I had convinced myself that I was completely powerless, but most people don’t actually want to be mean, even if there are weird distorting work power dynamics at play.

  7. Archie Goodwin*

    “I’m happy to say so far at my new job I have not heard anyone have phone sex, already a step up!”

    Things You Don’t Expect to See in the Company Manual, #20458192

    1. Falling Diphthong*

      -Where the really weird things in the company manual came from.

      (“You would think no one needs to spell that out, but you weren’t here with Fergus…”)

      1. Anonymosity*

        That’s like those product warnings along the lines of “Do not use while sleeping.” On a blow dryer. You know damn well it’s there because somebody did it.

      2. smoke tree*

        When I did an escape room, they had to tell us not to climb any of the fixtures, pull anything off the walls, put anything in the light sockets, dismantle the air conditioner, or get into fistfights, among other things. I think it took about 10 minutes to read the full list, apparently comprised only of things that have happened often enough that they need to warn against them.

      3. FD*

        I have had to put, in a rules book for an apartment complex, “Do not jump off the balconies.” Because it had happened multiple times.

        1. TardyTardis*

          My daughter was at a hotel with a school group, and she saw someone rapelling down the balcony outside her room. (she’s a Strange Attractor).

  8. AnonMarketer*

    If the gf was calling him knowingly during work hours, I doubt her moral grounding is super sound herself, so telling her her bf is ethically unseated wouldn’t phase her much. :(

    1. Pollygrammer*

      On the other hand, the kind of person who would show a girlfriend’s suggestive photos to coworkers is also probably the kind of person to assure her that nobody could possibly hear their phone calls.

      1. Turquoisecow*

        I think he just honestly is so self-centered he doesn’t even realize anyone else is listening to him, or is able to hear him. Because he’s unable to put himself in another person’s position.

        That or he knows others can hear him and he’s happy about it, because he’s showing off his manliness. Which would line up with showing suggestive(/nude?!) photos of her to coworkers – he’s proud that he’s scored such a hot babe or whatever.

        1. Artemesia*

          Nah. These things are not a mistake. A man doing phone sex with the door open is showing off; he is likely paying for the phone sex. Like the doctor we knew when I was growing up who had a pool. Our families often spent time together and were often invited to his pool. He would sit on the edge with his junk visible when you were in the water, as it had escaped the inner net of his trunks. Once is a mistake; more than that is exhibitionism. Same with this guy — OP heard him because he wanted to show it off.

      2. Bea*

        See I just assume he’s like a standard pig boy who whips his member out and swings it around to prove he’s such a desirable man. I’m not giving him any benefit of the doubt since he’s sharing suggestive pics with colleagues. Forced voyeurism grosses my prude little heart all the way out. They have clubs for that sht!

    2. Alli525*

      Ehhhhh I think there is a big difference between calling someone on company time and *showing your SO’s nudes to all your coworkers.* I get what you’re saying though – it drives me batty when my coworkers take personal calls from their kids or SOs at their cubicles. Step away from your desk!–your coworkers don’t have to listen to you, and theoretically your boss will eventually figure out that you’re never at your desk.

    3. Louise*

      Meh, this veers a little close to victim blaming/slut shaming territory for my personal comfort, esp if the pics were shown without her consent. I really hope someone gave him a “dude what the hell!” at the very least. (It’s also not her that’s wasting the company time — he’s the one making the ethical breach by picking up the phone.)

      I mean who knows, maybe they’ve got an exhibitionist kink and she would be totally fine with it. Still doesn’t belong in the workplace, and I definitely still agree that I don’t think it’s worth OP’s time to say anything. But if it wasn’t consensual, I don’t think we should jump to “oh she’d be fine with it because she has phone sex.”

  9. Lady Phoenix*

    #1: He sounds one of those “hip dieters”, who change their diet every 10 seconds to the most popular stuff. I bet if he stayed, he would get on your case for not join the Keto diet.*

    Unless your doctor prescribes a particular diet plan, please don’t just jump on diets. You never know if this thing is actually good or ill yield long resorts. It is better to just watch the eating proportions, avoid overly processed foods, drink water, and eat more freah things.

    * I understand doctors do prescribe certain individuals with the Keto diet for their health concerns. They and anyone who has diet for health reasons are excluded from my rant. After all, my dad got prescribed to eat more Mediterrean food… which essentially means Mom and I have to make and eat it too.

    1. Tina Belcher's Less Cool Sister*

      I am both gluten free (not by choice) and Keto (by choice) and even I am horrified by someone commenting on anyone else’s food choices. Mind your own business, people!!

      1. Lady Phoenix*

        Yeah… sounds hypocritical. Whoops. :X

        I guess since we live in the house, we feel like we have to join the diet too with Dad since it is easier to just eat 1 meal than to buy 2 different meals.

        1. not really a lurker anymore*

          You don’t have to. Unless there are serious cross contamination issues.

          My husband is gluten and dairy free. The kids and I aren’t. If I’m making a meal for all of us, then it’s gluten and dairy free. But there are plenty of days when I tell my husband he’s on his own for dinner. Or the main dish (burgers/taco meat) is gluten free and we have varied sides.

    2. Kelly L.*

      There is a subset of people who think everyone should be on whatever diet they’re on, and I think that’s one likely explanation here, but I also almost wonder whether he heard something inaccurate about the OP! Like if another co-worker mistakenly told him OP had celiac, and he thought he needed to “rescue” her from the bread she was about to eat. Either way, it’s none of his business, but he sounded so certain that OP should be gluten-free that it made me wonder.

    3. Specialk9*

      You should never take a doctor’s advice on nutrition. They get almost no training on nutrition. (Though in my experience they opine confidently anyway.)

      Instead, talk with an RDN. Not just a “nutritionist”, but an RDN.

  10. Higher Ed Database Dork*

    OP #1, I’m really glad he finally laid off the comments and things are better for you! I absolutely hate comments about my food and/or eating habits (“that doesn’t look gluten free!” just KILLS ME, UGH). I’m pregnant right now so I’ve been getting ALL the comments about my food and drink choices. I think the best tactic for that is just what you’ve been doing – blunt, bland, do not engage. I’m usually polite at first but I definitely have my own “3 strikes you’re out” rule when it comes to policing like that.

    1. irene adler*

      I agree. But boy, I’d sure like to let them wear whatever food they are commenting on.

    2. Tangerina Warbleworth*

      Whenever I run into a certain (old, male) HR person in the cafeteria, he always comments on my food. ALWAYS. Things like, “You eat like a bird!” or “Is that all you’re having?”

      Have decided that the next time it happens, I will tell him how inappropriate it is and how uncomfortable it makes me feel. What if he says that to someone with an eating disorder? AND HE’S IN HR.

      1. Louise*

        Oh that drives me crazy. I was friends with a coworker who DID have an eating disorder and who WOULD get comments like that all. the. time.

        I finally told our manager to cut it out, as subtly as I could without outing her. I still don’t know if that was the right decision, but it pained me every time he said it that I couldn’t help myself.

      2. Specialk9*

        A less nuclear first tactic would be to say something like “I notice you always comment on what I’m eating. Why is that?” And then let them flounder.

    3. Becky*

      I think the most I’ve ever commented on someone else’s food was “that smells good, what is it?”

      1. Corky's Wife Bonnie*

        Same here. One time I had made Italian Sausage soup and I had to eat at my desk that day. My boss was going crazy going around to see who was eating what he was smelling, wanting to know if it was cheesesteaks (I live outside of Philadelphia). He just wanted to see it, and I think he was disappointed it wasn’t a cheesesteak. I brought him a bowl the next day, he loved it. :-)

      2. AKchic*

        Same here. Because if it smells good – I want to know if its something I can acquire for myself. I also want you to know that I appreciate your wonderful taste in food (pun intended).

  11. Lady Phoenix*

    #2: I’m glad you got a diagnosis. If you haven’t already, ask your conpany and the company health insurance for accomadations and treatment. Hang in there!

    1. Anonymoose*

      Totally. Fibro and Crohns is no joke.

      OP: I wanted to share with you an anecdote I received from a family friend about fibro that ended up spot on: the first three years are the hardest. Meaning, this will be the time that you’re in constant change, waiting every week to see where your flare will be settling in (hands, back, feet, head, etc). Once you hit three years, the pain really stops moving around and finally settles into areas that are much more predictable. The fatigue never went away though, sadly. Also, going 90% organic tremendously helped. It’s like we can’t filter out toxins anymore. Join a fibro forum (try to avoid in person group therapy, they tend to whine instead of encouraging), find a low impact exercise that works for you, and above all make sure your health is #1, NOT THE JOB. Because keep in mind: it’s just a job, no matter how much you love it. I had to learn this the hard way.

      Good luck sweetie!

      1. OP2*

        Thank you so much for sharing this! Even just knowing you’re not alone really helps. I decided I am going to start on the Auto-Immune Protocol lifestyle/diet (AIP). It’s a very strict/limited diet with additional lifestyle recommendations to decrease inflammation as much as possible. Some people achieve decades of remission with it, although of course unfortunately you can’t cure auto-immune illnesses, even with a perfect track record of diet/lifestyle. Some of us just got shortchanged on genes! I actually did recently start pilates, which helps a lot, and learning to focus more energy on my own well-being is still new but I’m getting there. Thank you so, so much for your support. The readers here are so great!

    2. OP2*

      I’m only at this job 6 months so far but at 1 year my company has an outstanding extended/flexible sick leave policy. Right now, my manager and I are just over-communicating and taking everything a day at a time. I haven’t missed any deliverables (although I was late on 1), so I think the approach is working for now. And we both know it isn’t forever because hopefully soon one of the treatments will start to work and my health will start to improve. Thank you so much for your support!

      1. Specialk9*

        You might think about making a request for ADA accommodation. It needs to be reasonable and not an undue hardship for the company, like work from home or flexible hours within a certain range. AAM has posted a fair amount on the topic. All it takes is a conversation with your boss saying you have a medical condition and would like X accommodation. (Follow up with an email bcc’ed to your personal email.) It gives you a bit of job protection.

  12. Lady Phoenix*

    #3: To quote George Takei… “Oh my.”

    Glad you are out and away from that man-ager (adult man + teenager, or man with the mind of a teenager) of a boss.

  13. mark132*

    @LW3, I don’t know that you have to worry about informing his girl friend about him showing the pics. Someone engaging in phone sex several times a day with her boy friend while he is at work likely isn’t to concerned, or for that matter is someone I would feel any great need to help.

    1. Cornflower Blue*

      This comment’s coming really close to victim-blaming for me.

      Just because she’s happy to have phone sex with her BOYFRIEND doesn’t mean that she consents to having nude pics shared with STRANGERS. There’s a huge difference between really into someone+sharing fun times with them and having private, intimate photos of yourself shared by someone you trusted.

      Plus, why the judgment? Literally the only thing we know about this woman is she likes phone sex. A lot. Why does that make her unworthy of being helped? Having nudes shared about shouldn’t be a punishment for liking sex/phone sex because it’s not something that needs to be punished or that’s wrong in itself.

      The problem was the BOSS taking all those calls and making the OP overhear it. That’s not on the woman he was calling and it’s not fair to punish her for her boyfrend’s unprofessional behavior.

      1. Specialk9*

        Thanks for this. She’s behaving appropriately (assuming she has no idea he’s forcing others into non-consensual participation through speakerphone), he’s very much not. He’s 100% of the problem.

    2. Indie*

      All you can reasonably infer from that is that she enjoys being sexual with her boyfriend. Which describes a lot of women! Private sexual phone contact with a boyfriend who has the privacy of his own office is hardly wild behaviour. Even if it were, the fact he’s opening his door where she can’t see and showing pics when she’s not present kind of implies she’s not giving him the ok to involve others. If she were cool with third parties, they’d be exploring that kink together and he wouldn’t be scratching the itch by being an exhibitionist at work. Also the fact he’s involving unwilling subordinates in his sex life is pretty conclusive proof that he sucks at consent.

  14. Narise*

    My brother worked with someone who showed semi clothed to topless pictures of his girlfriend. At a company event said coworker introduced her as ‘You remember my girlfriend Jane.’ For five minutes my brother kept saying no sorry I don’t and coworker kept insisting they had met. He finally said I know I’ve shown you pictures of her. My brother smacked his head like duh and said ‘I didn’t recognize her with clothes.’ Girlfriend was livid and they left early and no more pictures were ever shared.

      1. Lady Phoenix*

        We would leave early and seperately. He would come home with wine stains on his clothes.

    1. Indie*

      These guys have always baffled me. Its like they are more concerned with the sexual approval of other men than with actually having continued access to good sex. It has always made me wonder if they even like it.

    2. Specialk9*

      That’s a clever way to give her a heads up.

      I remember when one of the firefighters at my station was telling people – like literally a crowd of 25 firefighters gathered in the bay – a blow by blow (literally) account of getting his virgin girlfriend to start having oral sex with him. (He later updated with every stage up to actual sex.) I know she would NOT have been ok with it.

      I had a lot of angry fantasies of tracking her down and letting her know. In unrelated news, I didn’t date for 3 years.

  15. Minerva*

    OP #2 – I know what it’s like to just think “I’m overworked and tired” when really you have a chronic illness. I also had a “OMG how did that happen??” even that forced me to see a doctor and get a diagnosis.

    It stinks that you have a health problem, but I hope it bring you some relief to know what it is and how to manage. Best of luck to you!

    1. OP2*

      I’m so sorry you also went through that. But I’m glad we’re both working with doctors and at least we know what the problem is so we can tackle it now. Take care of yourself!

  16. Erin*

    We’re vegan and the only time I’d tell someone something doesn’t look vegan or whatever is if they were being pushy offering it to me. I’m sorry you all seem to have such experiences with vegans.

  17. What's with today, today?*

    #2. I commented on your first post. I did the same thing before being diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. Best of luck with your treatment.

    1. Ambpersand*

      +1000000 to your name/handle.

      And to OP #2, I hope you can find a treatment for your Crohns soon that helps you get back to normal. My husband was diagnosed as a teenager, and one of the main symptoms was his inability to stay awake during school. He also blacked out in the middle of a Blockbuster Video because of it, but that was an extreme circumstance. He was always exhausted, and we can tell when a flare up is coming back if he’s getting tired all the time. I hope you find what works for you!

    2. OP2*

      The support on this post is overwhelming me! I’m sorry you’re going through it too. I *totally* know how you feel! (ha…ha… not really, but kinda) Take care of yourself!

  18. OlympiasEpiriot*

    Congrats to all of you and best of luck going forward to Update #2 in having your health improve!! Personally, when I got a diagnosis that I could work off of for a chronic problem, it made me feel a whole lot better emotionally just to know there was a path (however repetitive and picky) to deal with the problem. Wish you all the best.

    1. OP2*

      Yeah totally. It was a huge shock, tbh, because both diagnoses came a day apart and they’re still testing me for rheumatoid arthritis and endometriosis. Also at the same time they diagnosed me with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. So it’s been a wild few months but I definitely feel more optimistic just having a plan of attack. Thank you so much for your support and well wishes!

  19. Werewolves not Swearwolves*

    Oooh man, I cannot stand people who remark on other’s food and drink choices at work. My old supervisor was ridiculously judgey about what people ate and drank. Was always blathering on about how people make bad choices with food and get sick, etc. Then he got cancer. But of course that had nothing to do with HIS choices.

    The place I work at now has a daytime janitor who goes through our trash and comments on everything he sees. He also had a major health scare recently and the rest of us are pretty healthy despite all the “terrible” things we eat and drink.

    1. OP2*

      Right? I had a coworker at my last job who commented on my salad. SALAD. He was like, “That’s SO MUCH salad” and I was thinking, “Okay… but do you understand how salad works? It’s like 80% water, you need to eat a lot of it” Smh, I don’t know why people feel the need to say these things. Leave the eaters alone!

      1. TardyTardis*

        And eating a boxcar load of salad with lemon juice and a smidge of dressing keeps me from hitting the potato chips and other evil salty things. Plus I like to dress up the bagged stuff with small bits of broccoli, some mushroom bits and sliced cucumber, and if I’m really hungry, I’ll cut up a hard-boiled egg and that will be lunch (I call it 3 Weight Watcher points because of the dressing).

  20. Kat in VA*

    At my last job, people would comment on my eating or lack thereof. “You eat like a bird! Is that how you stay so skinny?”

    I finally had enough commentary on my eating (or lack thereof) and began deadpan giving the answer, “I live on Red Bull and nicotine.” The comments eventually stopped.

  21. Empty Sky*

    I’m happy to say so far at my new job I have not heard anyone have phone sex, already a step up!

    Now that I’m done chuckling at that one I’ll say congrats to OP3 and that I hope your new position sets a somewhat higher standard for you to measure future opportunities against.

  22. Alica*

    I have a colleague who is stick thin. I’m not huge, but I’m scientifically overweight and have a love of cake/chocolate. I hate it when she starts in on my food choices. I point blank refuse when she asks me what I weigh. Why people think we would welcome that “advice”, I can’t even fathom.

    On the flip side, I introduced my boss to diet coke mango the other day (he’s a big diet coke fan)!

  23. Smol Cinnamon Roll*

    In regards to the diet soda:

    I give my special someone a hard time about their “diet death” choices in soda, however it’s in jest. They drink diet coke, and I see her point about wanting to get caffeinated but not have the calories. And besides, I occasionally drink diet soda.

Comments are closed.