am I doing dog-friendly wrong, do I still need printed copies of my resume, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Am I doing dog-friendly wrong?

I recently started a job at a dog-friendly office and I love the option to bring my dog to work with me sometimes. While I don’t bring him every day, I do it more than I anticipated because it’s just such a nice perk. Most of the dogs at work are old and very relaxed — they don’t stray too far from their owners and they don’t really have much energy. A coworker mentioned she would bring a baby gate for her slightly more active dog, and so that is what I’ve been doing. That said, everyone seems to want to let my dog out to hold and play with because he’s cute. He’s well-behaved, if active, but I just don’t feel comfortable letting him wander to places I can’t see him — I like to monitor his behavior and, if he does seem to be bothering someone or playing too noisily with another dog, to cut that off.

Most of the day, while I have the gate up, he sleeps or plays quietly. When folks let him out to play, though, he wanders and occasionally barks or gets into things, which I know is distracting even though people insist they don’t mind. I’m getting a lot of pushback about the gate. (“But he looks so sad!” “Let him out; he’ll be fine!” “I think you should let him play more.”) I want to keep using it and stop justifying it, and I’m not comfortable without it even though others are. Do I need to stop bringing him if I want to use the gate most of the day? Is there a way to cut off the conversation about it?

Some options:
* “He does better with the gate, thanks!”
* “The gate is a must for me to feel comfortable bringing him.”
* “He’s happier with the gate.”

If you get someone who keeps pushing the issue after you use these responses a couple of times, it’s worth saying to that person, “Hey, you’ve mentioned this a few times, and I need you to trust me that he really does do better with the gate.” If you want, you could add, “It’s really distracting when you keep saying that! Could we consider it settled?” or “It makes me feel weirdly guilty when you say that, so could you stop?”

You could even try putting a sign on the gate that says “I like my gate!” Also, if you’re up for it with particular people, you could have a slightly bigger-picture conversation about your thinking, noting that you’re aware that not everyone wants to be bothered by a dog during the day, some of them won’t feel comfortable speaking up about it, and you want to. be considerate to those people. It’s a good message to spread, if you don’t think it’ll just invite push-back.

Read an update to this letter here.

2. My coworker only drinks things out of caps and lids

I work in a large agency of the federal government. The office I’m in is also fairly large, as is my specific department. In my department, there’s this one coworker (let’s call him Glenn). Generally speaking, he’s a nice, a hard worker, and easy to work with and get along with. There’s just one issue: he drinks most (if not all) liquids out of the cap/lid of the bottle/cup that they’re for. For example, is he has a bottle of coke, he’ll take a few sips out of the bottle, and then start pouring it into the lid and sipping from that instead until the bottle is empty. If he has a cup of coffee instead, he’ll do the same thing using the cup’s lid (which sometimes ends up spilling because of the hole). This is something Glenn seems to do regardless of who he‘s around (i.e., during internal and external meetings, business lunches/dinners, etc.). I think it’s odd and generally looks very unprofessional, but is it as big of a deal as I think it is? Should I address this with him or ask our manager to do so? I should mention that our manger has seen him do this countless times, but I don’t know if he’s talked to Glenn yet.

It’s certainly odd. Those bottle caps are tiny and, as you note, those coffee lids have holes! I wouldn’t say it’s a big deal, just awfully weird. If I were his boss, I’d probably ask what was up with it and that he not do it around clients (largely because having him slurp coffee out of a cup lid while liquid spills through the hole is not really an image I want to put in front of clients). But your boss knows he does it, and if it’s something he wants to address, he will. It’s not something you need to worry about or address personally.

3. Should I still bring printed copies of my resume to interviews?

I’m wondering if it’s still considered a best practice to bring printed copies of your resume to interviews, or if that’s old advice that has become irrelevant.

When I’m the interviewer, I always bring a copy of the interviewee’s resume, often annotated with questions I plan to ask, and copies provided by the interviewee just become excess paper on the table. Now that I’m interviewing for a new job, I’m wondering if would make me look unprepared to skip the printed resume, or to only offer it if the interviewer doesn’t have one already.

You should still bring printed copies of your resume to interviews. Lots of interviewers do ask for them (and sometimes you get an interviewer who was pulled in at the last minute and was never given their own copy, didn’t have time to print it out, etc.).

Note, though, that you can print it on regular printer paper. You do not need fancy “resume paper” and it’s weird that that’s still being labeled that way.

4. Would this networking move be creepy or useful?

I’ve recently joined an international hospitality company and I’m loving it! I’m in the communications sector and my location doesn’t have anyone else in a similar field. One of the perks of my role is that I get to travel a lot and can do so for a reduced rate. I wondered if it would be considered strange if I reached out to those in my role in other locations (we’re talking different countries/cities) to see if they were free to have coffee while I’m in town so that we can share notes. What do you think: creepy or useful?

Not creepy at all. Totally normal to do.

5. When should I tell my coworkers I’m leaving?

When is the right time to tell your coworkers you are leaving? I intend to hand in my notice within the next few months (no bad blood, it’s just time for me to move on) and because I work on a small team of three, training in someone new is inevitably going to disrupt our workflow.

Should I give the team a heads-up before I talk with my manager? Or leave it until after? How soon before/after should I talk to them about it?

No, definitely tell your manager first! Otherwise there’s too much chance it could get back to your manager before you tell her, and for better or worse, the etiquette of the situation is that you tell your manager first. Once you do tell your manager, you can typically tell your coworkers as soon as you want after that, unless your manager asks you to hold off for some reason. (If that happens, it’s reasonable to agree to hold off for a few days, but I’d be skeptical about waiting longer than that since it risks making you look to them like you left without sufficient notice, prevents you from starting to transition your work, and so forth.)

{ 436 comments… read them below }

  1. Jasnah*

    I want to say thanks OP1 for being a super responsible dog owner. I would find it really distracting to have an adorable, playful pup wandering around the office that now I was responsible for making sure he didn’t chew the computer cables, etc… and as a dog-lover in a dog-friendly office I would find it difficult to speak up about that.

    So I suspect that there are many people silently appreciating how careful you are to always keep an eye your dog! It may just be that you have a vocal minority saying you’re too strict.

    1. Lena Clare*

      Oh *I bet* this!
      I liked Alison’s response, “The gate is a must for me to feel comfortable bringing him.” the best.

    2. Jen S. 2.0*

      And it’s so often that vocal minority that wants to flout whatever reasonable rules people have about their pets. These are probably the people petting service dogs or pouting when they’re told not to, insisting that one little brownie won’t hurt the pup, encouraging dogs to jump on them when the owner is actively trying to teach the dog otherwise, et cetera, et cetera (and, clearly, letting dogs out from behind owner-approved gates because the dog “looks sad”).

      They’re not the people whose opinions need to matter here. Your dog, your rules. Stand firm!

      1. EPLawyer*

        Your dog, your rules cannot be said enough in this situation. The folks who keep insisting your dog be let out are not respecting the boundaries you set. You are trying to make sure this perk is treating professionally. It is an office, not a dog park. You know if the dogs get out of hand, the perk will go away. The folks who keep insisting are the ones who cause the perk to go away.

        I can see the next letter now. “We could take dogs in to work, but they were roaming everywhere and getting into things. I couldn’t get my work done. I had to complain to the boss. Now we can’t bring in dogs and everyone blames me.” Because you know the folks who keep insisting will never get that their actions caused the perk to go away.

        1. Jadelyn*

          “Your dog, your rules” – YES. It’s like very young children – you’re the one who has to deal with them at home and whatever bad manners they’ve picked up, so you’re well within your rights to say “No, I’m teaching my children/training my dog This Way, and if you won’t respect that, you don’t get to interact with my child/dog.”

          1. AnnaBananna*

            It’s exactly like that. It’s a huge no-no to tell others how to raise their kids (I will caveat that your own folks sometimes get an annoyed pass). Why should we allow the same boundary-crossing behavior just because they walk on four legs?

            I would be curious to know if the gatecrashers are fellow dog owners or just folks who wish they had a dog and are using LW1’s dog as a substitute. If it’s the former, keep to your guns. If it’s the latter, maybe let them know that you’ll be taking little Rufus the Pug (or whatever) on a potty break at ____ if they’d like to play during that time. I think this would keep the peace and get you back focused on work. BUT, you don’t have to do this, it would just be a kind strategy. A compromise – but only if this actually works for you and your schedule, of course.

            Totally jealous, BTW! My Birdie and I are attached at the hip and I would love to have her at work too! :(

    3. Klo*

      It’s making me think that if the dog needs a baby gate, it’s probably not well behaved enough to be in an office. I like dogs but a dog that’s so “playful” in an office that it needs to be fenced in I think is pushing it a bit.

      Also when you say he plays quietly in your office… how can a dog play quietly? This might be like parents who tune out the noises their kids make as normal playful noises, but to others the noise can be very irritating.

      1. Expatico*

        Actually, baby gates are pretty standard practice at a lot of dog friendly offices, for exactly the reasons highlighted by the OP, regardless of the age or energy of the dog itself. I don’t think it should be treated automatically as a sign the dog is unruly but instead that the owner is considerate.

        1. Nerfmobile*

          Yes, my office is dog-friendly and requires gates. In an open office plan it gets interesting to set up, but people work it out. The gates are also necessary because dogs are not allowed in the meeting rooms so if people have to go to meetings their dogs need to understand “their space” until the owners get back.

      2. BRR*

        If I brought my dog to the office I would use a baby gate. Otherwise he’d just want to explore (sniff) every nook and cranny. With a gate up, he’d just chill and observe people going about their business. Admiringly each dog is different.

        1. Else*

          Very true, but I think this is pretty typical for adult dogs. There are exceptions who couldn’t stand to be barred from the people they see or who would bark at every movement – but that clearly isn’t the LW’s dog.

      3. Wish my office were dog friendly!*

        A lot of dogs are fairly quiet when they play. It’s hard to bark and yap when your mouth is full of chew toy. The only noise we get when playing with the labrador is the thumping sound of their tail against furniture.

        1. Wendy Darling*

          oh lawd I wish my dog and my parents’ dog were quiet when they play. They’re quiet at all times EXCEPT when someone is at the door and when playing. I work from home and also petsit for my parents a lot, and the dogs’ favorite thing is to wait until I am on a conference call and then get in a huge barking whining groaning growling wrestling match.

          The worst is my parents’ dog, who is huge, will try to get my dog to do something (tug a toy or whatever) and if my dog doesn’t do it he yips at him. It is the loudest sound I’ve ever heard come out of an animal. It legitimately makes your ears ring, it’s kind of incredible.

          I love them but they are not polite players!

      4. Mystery Bookworm*

        Actually, dogs can play pretty quitely! My neighbor’s dog will used to roll a ball back and forth, picking it up and dropping it (on hardwood, yes, you can hear this, but on carpet….not so much) and a lot of dogs are very content just quitely chewing a rubber toy. Provided there’s no squeaker (DAMN the squeaker to hell!) that’s also usually pretty quite. Certainly no louder than other office noises. A lot of dogs make no vocalizations when they play unless they’re with other dogs.

        I sympathetic to OP because I would keep my dog fenced in. And frankly, a big part of that is how other people are treating him. I like my dog to get his running time outside. But like most dogs, he enjoys playing chase and fetch and if someone starts doing that to him inside he will get overexcited and that’s distracting for an office.

        This would be true for a lot of dogs. I think that, kind of like children, most dogs need people to set firm boundaries (this is a quite place vs. this is a playing place). OP can’t necessarily count on other employees to know that, or to maintain those boundaries.

        Plus, it’s a very considerate thing to do for people who might otherwise walk in to OP’s office and be startled or frightened to see a dog just lounging under the desk. A gate is like a big announcement: “dog here, be aware!” that I think many people would appreciate.

        1. ENFP*

          You can buy a dog toy with a squeaker that ONLY DOGS CAN HEAR. The person who thought of this should be made a saint!!!

                1. MarfisaTheLibrarian*

                  Going through my grandparents papers, I found a card my grandfather gave my grandmother, in which he talks about all their grandkids…including the granddog.

            1. Rebecca in Dallas*

              My dog is a Willow, too! This silent squeaker thing is an awesome idea, I can’t believe I’ve never heard of it!

        2. Karyn*

          “(DAMN the squeaker to hell!)” Hah! I had a black lab-chow mix years ago, and whenever we got him a new toy, he would purposely chew out the squeak part and discard it. He hated it, too!

      5. MusicWithRocksInIt*

        She made it pretty clear that the main point of the gate was to keep the dog from going off and getting into things or bothering other people. If it was my dog my big worry would be her going around trying to get everyone to pet her. Dogs know when their owners are watching them and when they aren’t and (much like kids) can get into a lot more mischief when they know no one is keeping an eye on them. There is no indication here at all that the dog shouldn’t be at the office behind the baby gate. I say stick with the baby gate – and maybe occasionally let the dog follow you somewhere in the office. Eventually the dog will get the swing of the office and become one of the chill office dogs who isn’t phased by anything.

        1. AKchic*

          Yep. My dog is a turd. She’s a lab / coonhound mix. Very food driven. If she knows there’s food anywhere in a mile radius (and she will know, because that nose knows) she will be right there, watching, waiting, until you do the right thing. You know what the right thing is… it’s to give her the snack. She is the Lady Sad Eyes von Gimme Food for a reason. She knows all, smells all, eats all.
          She’s never allowed at my office.

          1. BethRA*

            Mine would also just sit quietly and watch people eat. She didn’t beg or whine or try to grab anything. Just sat.

            And would get fed EVERY TIME because “oh what a good girl you are!”

            Which is why I wound up keeping her behind a baby gate in my office :D

          2. I Write the Things*

            Food the biggest challenge with my dog. He came to us as a very thin, 3-year-old rescue with zero training and untreated health issues. Within his first week with us, when he was feeling a bit better, he snatched a taco out of my teenage daughter’s mouth, mid-bite. We spent a lot of time training him out of that behavior. Now he just sits and stares at you with his (very convincing) sad face.

            At least, we thought we’d stopped it. Normally, even with treats, he knows not to take them until they’re given. If you hold one in front of him, he will sit and wait until you move it toward his nose. But when my niece (4) and nephew (3) were visiting for Christmas, he suddenly decided their food was fair game. Maybe it’s because they’re not much taller than he is, so the food was right in front of his face. One of them would wander out of the kitchen with a cookie or apple slices, and he’d stick his nose right up in their face to see what it was. If he decided it was something he wanted, he’d try to gently slip the food out of their hands, even as they were trying to eat it. My niece thought it was hilarious. My nephew, not so much. Everyone else spent the rest of the week-long visit letting him know we saw him trying to edge over to one of them and he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought he was. Then he’d slink off to his bed and put on the sad face.

            So… back to food training.

          3. Fact & Fiction*

            Sounds like my German shepherd / mastiff mix dog. FEEL SORRY FOR ME THIRTY SECONDS AFTER YOU FEED ME BECAUSE I’M STARVING, HUMAN! Must eat all the crumbs off the floor, all the time, no matter how microscopic.

            She is awesome in that her “bark” is a very soft “woof” and she only does it for good reasons.

      6. It's a Doughnut morning*

        Nope, a gate is a border and gives the dog his boundary. This is essential when you have a young dog/puppy, when they are in a confined space will play quietly chewing a toy or lay about because that is the space they are given and they don’t have enough room to run. If you give the dog a squeaky toy then yes it is going to be loud. For reference my 6 month old baby sleeping is louder than our 1 year old 40 lb Aussiedoodle playing on the carpet in my office with her no squeek squirrel. Max (aussiedoodle) has been in my office since 3 months old during most conference calls and last month my team met up in my city and I had them over and they had no idea we had a dog, I nurse the baby and let her sleep in my lap and they always comment that I should be on video phone so they can see the baby and not just hear her. So the nanny has to take the baby during calls.

      7. My Mother is One of Those Overindulgent Dog Ladies*

        What? You might as well be saying, “if the dog needs a leash, it’s probably not well behaved enough to go on a walk.” Boundaries are good for dogs, good for their owners’ peace of mind, and good for the peace of mind of everyone the dog encounters– especially if they are at all fearful of dogs.

        1. quagmire*

          We keep baby gates up in my house because sometimes my dog needs to not be in certain rooms.

          But maybe that means she’s not well-behaved enough to be indoors. Who knew?!

      8. I work on a Hellmouth*

        No… using a gate doesn’t mean the dog isn’t well behaved. As far as how dogs play “quietly”… well, for example, my dog will throw toys to himself sometimes. He isn’t making any sounds while doing this. Or he’ll prance around while carrying a toy. Also while not making sounds.

        The issue here isn’t a poorly behaved dog, it’s poorly behaved coworkers.

      9. peachie*

        Not to go too far down this rabbit hole, but some dogs are like this! My sister has a ~9 month old pup that is very well behaved but hasn’t learned to not mess with the cats (as in, get anywhere near them — he’s never done more than sniff at them, but they don’t like dogs at all) when he visits our parents’ house. When we can’t fully supervise him, he goes in a big room with a gate. And he’s fine! He doesn’t whine, he doesn’t jump, he doesn’t try to escape, he gets the deal. (It helps that he’s afraid of the gate; it fell down a few times [not on him!] and it scared him enough that he doesn’t even touch it.)

        I think it’s similar to dogs that do better crated at feeding time/at night — often, they’re not at all badly-behaved, it’s just that the structure calms them down.

      10. Snark*

        To your first point: the OP specifically says that when the gate is up, the dog is quieter, sleeps more, and doesn’t get into playing with other dogs or roughhousing. Prima facie, it seems to me that the dog needs a baby gate specifically TO be well behaved enough to be in an office.

        As for how a dog can play quietly: chewing on a chew toy. Sleeping. Herding chew toys into a corner, as my weird little herd dog does. Who knows? Who cares? Whether the dog is actually noisy and annoying is an imponderable and OP didn’t ask us about that. What we do know is, OP did not report anybody complaining about the dog’s noise or behavior. Per her letter, the dog is well-behaved when confined with the fence and nobody complains. Let’s take her at her word and stop sec0nd-guessing her.

        1. It's a Doughnut morning*

          our aussiedoodle herds everything, my 6 year old lets her loose when he cleans and she herds his toys into a pile.

      11. Clever Name*

        My office is dog friendly, and the policy is that dogs are to be kept in the owner’s office and behind a baby gate or closed door. They are not allowed to roam freely. I think this is a pretty common sense requirement. And it is indeed possible for a dog to play quietly. A dog can chew on a rawhide chew or play with a plush dog toy (sans squeaker) pretty quietly. They don’t have to bark and make noises to play.

      12. Currently dogless*

        I used to work in an office, before I retired. And I used to have a dog. Well, 2 actually; but not at the same time. My first dog was very well behaved, but she was also very social and loved everyone. Her idea of fun was to wander to other office spaces to greet everyone. Or, to attend meetings (the more people in a room, the better!) Most of us at that office loved dogs and loved her visits. One person was not a fan of dogs, so much. And I completely understood. So I would close my office door (it had a big window.) Dog lovers would come and ask to take her out to play. Sometimes I would allow it, others I would say, no, she should stay here with me. She would be good, in my office with me, (she never barked) but would rather wander. If I left the door open, she would be off exploring. A gate would have been a good idea.
        My second dog was a puppy, and a very large breed. She was WAY too rambunctious. I would bring her only for short visits and kept her with me at all times. Or, if my husband was picking me up for some reason, have him bring her for a short, supervised visit.
        It all depends, I think, on the dog, the office, and ALL the people involved (not just the dog lovers).

      13. AnnaBananna*

        Dogs can be super quiet when they’re playing. It’s almost impossible to even get my dog to bark, she’s that well behaved. But if she had zero doors blocking her she would sniff around the office until it was time to leave. A babygate just means ‘you sniff here and here alone’.

      14. Anne Noise*

        My dog is quiet, tiny and polite, and I have a private office. I keep her in my office with a baby gate so the door is open but people are aware she’s there. It’s almost more for other people than for her lazy ass.

      15. Spicy Shark*

        I hadn’t considered that the owners might be tuning out the noise, thus thinking “my dog is quiet and doesn’t bother anybody.” So thanks for that perspective.

        However, as a counter example, if I brought my family dog to work, it would go down one of two ways. With a gate, he would be chill and quiet, probably sleep most of the day, cause minimal trouble beyond being a fluffy distraction. Without a gate, he would eat something he shouldn’t eat. That would be my excuse for keeping the gate.

    4. Office whisperer*

      Definitely this. I love dogs but working in a place where a tiny pup run around unsupervised and was constantly approached by strangers who wanted to cuddle him against his will was super traumatising and the owner just totally didn’t care. Ugh.

      1. AnnaBananna*

        And can you imagine if you suddenly backed up your chair and rolled over a dog’s tiny paw because you didn’t even know the dog was there? So many accidents could happen. A babygate or door just makes sense, pet ownership-wise.

        1. Jasnah*

          Oh my gosh, this is my big fear with small dogs. If anyone brought a chihuahua to the office I would definitely step on it/spill coffee on it/somehow injure it out of forgetfulness and negligence and never forgive myself. This is a huge safety concern!

    5. Lilo*

      Yeah OP is doing dog friendly right. It’s the coworkers who are doing it wrong.

      You have to respect a dog owner’s wishes. For instance, people who try to pet dogs without asking first. Always, always ask! My friend’s dog has some anxiety and doesn’t like small spaces and elevators. Getting petted in a elevator stresses him out. Or when my sister’s dog was recovering from an ear issue, strangers would rub her ear (people sneak in so fast) and get upset when she cried or growled when they hurt her.

      People need to respect the dog’s needs and boundaries, as set by the owner.

      1. TootsNYC*

        In fact, I’d suggest the OP start using the word “respect.”

        “Please respect my dog parenting–he does better with the gate.”

        1. Snow Drift*

          I was going to say “undermine”.

          “Please don’t undermine my training, I’ve worked hard to get him to where he is.”

      2. Yet another Kat*

        IME there will unfortunately always be people who think that you are care-taking for your pet/child/illness/whatever incorrectly, and will feel entitled to comment on it. You are right to point out that those people are the ones being disrespectful, NOT OP.

        OP, feel free to insist on your (physical and metaphorical) boundaries.

    6. Tanith*

      I agree, OP1 you sound like you are doing this right.
      Plus, I think your colleagues are way off kilter asking for your fur baby to be let out. Pup isn’t there for their enjoyment, nor is pup a toy for them to play with (though sometimes it should be allowed ;)
      I think you have a good balance.

      1. MusicWithRocksInIt*

        I am 100% on the OP’s side and thing they are doing all the things right. But I can see a little bit where the other side is coming from. I have a friend who is a dog helicopter parent – never lets her dog out of her site in her own house, or even in the fenced in backyard. If the dog ever tries to go into a different room she will call her back and make her cuddle. As an introvert sometimes I just want to yell “Give that poor dog some me time!”. I don’t see that happening here, but we do have a tendency to project our human feelings and reactions onto pets in situations that don’t apply. Again, not defending them, but I can understand their thought process.

        1. Holly*

          The difference is this is a workplace. No one said the dog doesn’t run around the house. Also, dog care is between the owner and a vet.

        2. Observer*

          There is such a huge difference between what you are describing and what the OP is describing.

          What you are essentially saying is that you understand why people would tell a parent to let their not-yet-verbal toddler roam around the workplace unsupervised because you’ve seen helicopter parents who won’t let their 10yo to leave the block unsupervised. It’s not even apple to oranges, but apples to horses.

          1. Beanie*

            Music w/ Rocks isn’t comparing it though. They’re just pointing out how the coworkers might be seeing it. You are correct on it being an inaccurate way to view it, but people tend to throw logic out the window with pets.

            For what it’s worth, I support the gate as well, as someone with a massive fear of dogs.

          2. Delphine*

            MusicWithRocksInIt seems to be saying that it’s easy to anthropomorphize dogs. They, as an introvert, sometimes want to tell the helicopter dog owner to give the dog some peace–but the dog probably doesn’t mind at all. The dog is not an introvert. And so LW’s coworkers see a gated dog and feel that he may be miserable cooped up in a small space (like a human) when the dog is actually perfectly happy. It’s an explanation/empathy for the coworkers’ response, not the kind of comparison you’re suggesting.

        3. Posey*

          I am a dog helicopter parent. I do this because my when my dog is out of my sight and quiet it means he’s getting into something he shouldn’t. He’s a little magnet, so he’s almost always following me around. Or if I can hear him, no problem. But he’s not a quiet soul. So when he’s quiet and out of sight, it means he’s being sneaky. Only took me one surgical operation to remove non-food objects from his stomach for me to learn that lesson. The joys of an older rescue dog who came with some special behaviors :)

          I think the gate is great. Maybe if you have coworkers who want more dog time AND you feel so comfortable, you could say “he’s a little wild roaming the office, but would you enjoy taking Fido for a walk?”. Maybe give them something constructive to do with him that benefits everyone?

          1. emmelemm*

            Same. If I can’t see or hear my dog, it must mean she’s found a way to keep herself occupied – and I probably won’t like it.

        4. LizM*

          Even if OP were a helicopter parent (which I don’t think is an accurate why to describe what she’s doing), it’s not her coworkers’ place to question that. She’s established a boundary and the dog isn’t bothering anyone. Coworkers need to let it go.

    7. Blunt Bunny*

      Yes agreed, the coworkers who are asking just want to play with the dog and will find any excuse. I think that OP can tell them that he is walked enough and this situation is better than being home alone. But if he keeps distracting people she will have to leave him there. That will perhaps make them admire from a far in silence. There maybe people who work there who may not like dogs or who are scared of dogs as you have said it a dog friendly office rather than the whole company. Interesting the difference between dogs in the workplace vs babies I remember the letter a few weeks ago about a person bringing in a baby because they had no choice and I can’t imagine people saying please let you baby roam around more.

    8. Falling Diphthong*

      The people who think “Oh the puppy is cute more puppy” are much more likely to voice that than the ones thinking “The gate is a good curb on his energy” or “There goes that dog again” or more irritated thoughts. In life generally; more so because your office mates have an ongoing relationship with you.

      1. Guacamole Bob*

        + a million

        I had a coworker who brought her dog in sometimes. I’m not anti-dog but I’m also not particularly a dog person, so I thought it was great to have the dog around when she’d briefly come over for a hello pat or when I could see her contentedly snoozing in my coworker’s office. But my coworker didn’t always keep the dog in her office, and sometimes that led to her wandering the office, getting riled up, and becoming a real nuisance (like trying to jump on the UPS guy to say hello, wanting to play fetch in the hallway type nuisance). I never complained, and it was overall not a big deal, but I would have been pretty happy with a baby gate setup, or just with a coworker who was more attuned to keeping the dog from bothering people who were trying to get work done.

        Basically, I’d assume a silent majority who aren’t particularly interested in playing with your dog all the time and who appreciate that you keep the dog’s presence unobtrusive.

      2. myswtghst*

        Yes, this. Plenty of people are more likely to speak up about a perceived problem than to say “that’s great, keep doing that!”, so if the gate is doing it’s job, the only perceived problem is “but I want to give more pets!” and the only people speaking up are the ones who want more dog time.

    9. ISuckAtUserNames*

      Yes, I was going to say something similar. LW1, you are doing dog-friendly office right! Your coworkers, on the other hand, are why dog-friendly offices can be so controversial and prompt letters to Alison and a flood of comments…

    10. 5 leaf clover*

      Seconded (thirded? fourthed?). I am very uncomfortable around dogs and am so grateful to dog owners who understand that not everyone likes their dog as much as they do. You are doing people like me – who probably don’t feel free to comment in a dog-friendly office – a great service. Thank you!

    11. blackcat*

      I once worked with someone who used a gate to train their dog and then eventually didn’t need it. It was so nice! If someone wanted to get the dog to come out and play, she’d come to the door threshold (for pets), then look to her owner. Dog would not budge without the appropriate hand signal.
      I don’t think I ever once mentioned how much I appreciated the well-trained dog…. but I appreciated it.

    12. BadWolf*

      I agree.

      I was wondering if the OP could emphasize the barking/no barking part — a white lie that if he wanders around, he is prone to barking (no one wants that in the office — or most people don’t, I would think) and OP needs to prevent that behavior or he tends to wander around at home and bark too. If he’s behind the gate, he is chill and barking not a problem. Then the nosy people are helping by leaving dog behind the gate (versus “helping” by letting the dog out). Big However — some coworkers may decide this means that they let the dog out and then hush it/yell at it for barking, which may make it worse.

    13. Kyrielle*

      This! I am not fond of dogs in offices, and I personally don’t deal with them so well. I would be just fine with, and grateful for, your solution.

    14. I Write the Things*

      I agree, I think LW is being responsible and considerate.

      Short story time: My company allows dogs once in a while, but I didn’t know until I recently brought my beast in (with permission from higher ups who were aware of his size) that one of the women I share an office with loves small dogs but is afraid of large ones. In fact, when talked with all of my officemates (it’s really more an open-concept room that seats 8) about bringing him in, she was all for it and encouraged me to do so. I thought I’d mentioned his size to everyone, but I must have missed her with that part.

      I hate that I made her deal with that, and a gate may have made her more comfortable. My dog is content to walk or lay by me in public areas, so I didn’t think to bring one, and I don’t think she could see that he was tethered to my desk. I’m sure a gate wouldn’t have made her completely okay with him, and I’d still have taken him home so she could feel safe, but at least maybe her anxiety wouldn’t have hit as hard if she saw that he was confined.

      Anyway, even in a dog friendly environment, keeping your more active dog from distracting your coworkers is a kind, considerate thing to do. A gate is a great way to deal with that, and you are a responsible dog owner for recognizing that he needs that.

      Alison’s scripts for responding to your coworkers are great. One thought I had, which lines up with “He’s happier with the gate,” is that dogs who have been crate trained or are in a new environment sometimes get nervous if they aren’t more confined (enclosed = safe). You might be able to use that for a more insistent coworker. You’re not being strict, you’re making sure he’s comfortable! Really, though, you shouldn’t have to go into that much detail.

      As a side note (and not that I think you aren’t handling it well, LW, because you are!) if anyone needs to make sure their dog is office ready, looking into Canine Good Citizen training or standards might help. I didn’t formally use the program, but because of my dog’s intimidating size (seriously, he’s a small bear) I know it’s important that he is especially well-behaved and I used their standards as a starting point. They’re a good minimum for taking a dog into public places and a good start toward learning other behaviors, like settling for a longer period. Just be sure your dog can perform those behaviors in multiple settings, including strange ones. They have to understand that the rules apply everywhere, not just at home or at their usual park.

    15. LizM*

      People will always question the boundaries you set for your dog (and your kids, but that’s another post). I even had a parent argue with me once when I told her my dog didn’t want to be approached by her toddler. My dog was telegraphing every possible non-verbal signal that she was uncomfortable (ears back, tail between the legs, trying to hide behind my legs), and the mom said, “no, it’s okay, she (the toddler) loves dogs!”

      I’ve found just holding the line, and not making it up for debate is the most effective. “That’s an interesting point, but this is what works best for her, so we’re going to keep doing it!” repeated everytime someone says something. It’s a lot harder to argue with a self confidient brick wall than someone who is trying to justify their decision.

      I’d be willing to bet money the people pressuring you are in the minority and most people appreciate your managing your dog during the day.

      1. Another Allison*

        I think an easy way to stop people from commenting on the gate is to say your using it as a training too to get her used to her boundaries and as long as shes at work the gate will be up for her to keep her good puppy manners.

    16. Dinopigeon*

      As someone who is distinctly not fond of dogs, I really appreciate that OP is being conscientious about her dog’s behavior at work. If you tell the average dog owner you’re not fond of dogs- not against them, mind you, or in the belief that people who do enjoy them are bad people, but just not fond of them and prefer to not be around them- they will react like you announced you spend your weekends stealing ice cream from children. It’s really bizarrely taboo for that sort of thing.

      Which is the long way of saying that in a take-your-dog-to-work office, people who are bothered by this “perk” are very, very unlikely to speak up for fear of social punishment. It’s very nice of the OP to realize that somebody might not enjoy her dog’s antics as much as others.

    17. Spicy Shark*

      Definitely! My line would be “He WILL eat something that will make him sick, and I need to avoid that.”

    18. Robin*

      I just wanted to chime in with all the people saying that you, as the dog’s person, get to make decisions about what is OK for your doggo! People without boundaries are often the most vocal (because they lack boundaries!), but that doesn’t mean they speak for anyone else. The best person to make decisions for your dog is YOU, especially in a situation that could impact you professionally! You are your pet’s advocate and people without boundaries need to get called on it when they try to override your informed decision-making. Hopefully your push-back can change their behavior before they start a dog fight, give a kid with a food allergy the wrong thing, or drive the wrong way through a parking lot “just for a second”.

  2. CastIrony*

    OP #3, don’t forget to also have printed copies of your reference page so you can give them at your interview.

    1. JS*

      This is a bit odd to me. I have never done this before, nor have someone ask/expect it.

      References don’t usually get checked (if at all) until they are ready to hire, after all the interviews, so to me it would come off as a bit presumptuous to give references unprompted.

      1. Chocolate Teapot*

        I always take a couple of copies of my CV, especially as I have several versions, focusing on certain aspects for different jobs.

        The only thing I would comment on is that when I have applied for a position via a recruiter, sometimes they rewrite/reformat your CV to follow their in-house style.

        1. Lucy*

          “rewrite/reformat” – I think you misspelled “butcher”.

          When applying through recruiters I ALWAYS take a paper copy and it’s ALWAYS been useful as the recruiter version is often mangled – in the worst case, with [][][] blank boxes instead of characters in some places so it became illegible. Goodness only knows how I got the interview that time (but I got the job!).

      2. TryingToReadHere*

        I’ve never been asked for references at an interview either. Any employer that has wanted a printed list of references has always told me to bring it beforehand (to be included with an application they wanted printed and filled out by hand).

      3. MusicWithRocksInIt*

        I always bring copies of my cover letter, resume and references to interviews and I’ve been asked for and handed out copies of all of them at different points in time. Always better to be prepared.

        1. Oxford Comma*

          I agree. I think it looks better to have all that stuff with you. Some of the search committee chairs will have copies of the applicant’s cv/resume, but some don’t. It also makes you look prepared.

          It’s one of those things where it doesn’t take a lot of effort on your part to print out a couple of copies. Unless you’re in some industry where they frown on paper, I can’t see how it would harm you and it might very well help you.

        2. Coffeelover*

          I just don’t see the point in bringing any of it. Theyre not going to sit and review your materials right then and there. You can always send them the materials when you get home if they request them.

          And it’s not like that’s the thing that will make or break or candidacy.

          1. Yorick*

            But sometimes they will want to look at it to refresh their memory and possibly ask questions to get more information on something.

            1. Oxford Comma*

              Agreed. I’m in academia. Interviews are anywhere from a .5 to 1.5 day affair in which the candidate meets with a lot of people. There’s almost always a very large group session where the candidate has to get up and do a presentation and take Q&A from a bunch of people who are not on the search committee. If we’re not on the search, we may or may not get a resume ahead of time. The search chair may or may not have copies ready for us. We may or may not remember to review it ahead of time. We may or may not have actually bothered to look at the materials. But anyone who attends the sessions will have a chance to evaluate the candidate.

              If I walk into a meeting and the candidate volunteers that she’s got a paper copy, it is a positive.

              It won’t make you if you have a couple of copies, but it won’t hurt and it could conceivably contribute to a more positive impression.

              1. The Fuzzy Worm of Capitalism*

                Agreed with Oxford Comma – I interview intern candidates for a pretty formal internship and have come to accept this, but still think it’s odd that that most of our intern candidates show up completely empty-handed. No resume, no notebook, no agenda, nothing! Our intern candidates have clearly visited their campus career prep offices for other aspects of their career search – I just can’t figure out if/when someone told them not to bring anything to an interview. Not bringing a resume isn’t a deal breaker, but I just can’t imagine going into an interview empty-handed! When I’ve been the interviewee, I like to jot notes down look over my resume as we’re talking about it so I’m giving accurate and thorough information that covers I’ve given my interviewer. I’m also pretty fidgety so it helps to have a pen in my hand. It’s so common for intern candidates to come in with nothing at all, I don’t hold it against them, but it’s a positive when they do bring their resumes with them.

          2. dawbs*

            I’ve had them reference the resume mid-interview.

            “So you worked at *though through resume I handed get bbecause she didn’t bring it and asked* chocolate llamas incorporated. Describe your duties there”

            *I describe and mostly address the others in the room bbecause she is rereading my resume stuff.*

            Also occasionally helpful to me, bbecause glancing atit reminds me I got a chocolate highest sales award that I should mention.

            Not mak or break, just useful.

            1. Jadelyn*

              Yes – I like to have a copy of the candidate’s resume handy to look at while we’re talking if I need to job my memory about something I wanted to ask. And I’ve been that last-second “hey can you come interview this person with me?” pull-in, where I didn’t have time to do anything but grab a notebook and pen and follow the other interviewer to the conference room, so a candidate having printed copies handy is definitely appreciated. You might not need them! But if you do, that’s definitely a “better to have and not need, than need and not have.”

          3. TootsNYC*

            also, for the resume at least, I sometimes make notes on it. Of course, the person is right in front of me, so I’m careful about what I write, and some stuff I’ll write on the resume immediately after. It helps me remember them, or what they said, better.

            I was tossing old files and ran across a resume on which I had written a quote from the guy (“I like to read”–this was the reason he gave for liking copyediting, and it totally charmed me). It’s been four years or so, and that little note made me remember the good impression he’d left.

            I wouldn’t hold it against someone who didn’t bring a printed copy if they’d already emailed it, and I don’t think you need to offer the printout unless they ask–or unless you’ve had significant experience that has updated your resume since you first sent it to them.

            But it’s always a plus if I happent to have not been able to print it out.

          4. KTZee*

            I’ve definitely reviewed resumes right then and there – when HR failed to provide one to me as the interviewer. I’m a quick reader, I can skim over a resume in the first 60 seconds of an interview in those cases. So I definitely appreciate a candidate who has their resume with them!

          5. Jasnah*

            Personally I see it as a kind of insurance. Ideally they will have reviewed my materials in advance, and would be more than happy to receive any extra copies emailed later.

            But on the off chance someone gets roped in to join the interview at the last minute, or reformatted it and didn’t print the second page (or in my case, I have my resume in two languages so they may prefer the other language)… it looks really good to be able to just pull out an extra copy. Like in the Devil Wears Prada when Anne Hathaway says she’s already taken care of everything–looks very dependable and prepared.

        3. JS*

          This may also depend on the industry. I’d say its about 70/30 in favor of not checking references in my industry so having to bring it along and having someone expect it in interview is wild to me.

      4. That Would be a Good Band Name*

        I interviewed a LOT last year and was asked for references enough times that I started bringing them with me so it’s definitely a thing that at least some employers are doing.

    2. SheLooksFamiliar*

      Not the best tactic for most job seekers. References used to be considered part of a formal ‘presentation of qualifications ‘, but that looks dated and stilted now. References should be provided when an offer is imminent. Otherwise you risk not only looking out of touch with business norms, but also premature reference checks and irritating your references.

      1. MusicWithRocksInIt*

        I wouldn’t hand them out without being asked – but it is always good to have copies on hand. I’ve been asked to provide references at the end of several interviews (some were second interviews) and I feel like you always look nice and on top of things to be able to pull them out immediately when asked.

        1. Colette*

          Agreed. Don’t provide them unprompted, but it’s fine to have them available if you’re asked. (It’s also usually fine to tell the interviewer you’ll email them, if you’re asked for them but don’t have a printout.)

          1. SheLooksFamiliar*

            I’m in corporate staffing, and I don’t expect to get a printed list on demand; in fact, I think it shows ‘one size fits all’ thinking. References should be carefully selected for the role and/or industry you’re interviewing for. Send them in an email later, and I’m good.

            If you’re interviewing for a government or government contractor role, this process will likely be different. Otherwise, following up with your references is fine.

            1. peachie*

              Interesting — I do generally bring a list of references just in case, but the list I bring has been specifically tailored for the role/job I’m going in for (since, well, I know what I’m interviewing for when I go in).

          2. Baby Fishmouth*

            Yes, I’ve been caught off guard by being asked for a list in the interview before, so now I just bring a couple copies in my purse/folder just in case. It certainly doesn’t hurt to have it, just don’t offer it unprompted.

      2. Jadelyn*

        The one that looks stilted and dated now is more the “References available upon request” line at the bottom of a resume. Yes, I would assume that to be the case, so why are you wasting resume real estate on a useless statement? References available if they ask, but not offered up, doesn’t strike me as dated at all.

    3. Lilo*

      I have had interviews where they ask for them. It isn’t a bad idea to have printed copies of several documents (depending on experience level, extra copies of your resume, writing sample and transcripts (if more entry level) and references). That way you just have stuff if asked for.

      From an interviewer perspective, it 100% is not fair to expect these documents if you haven’t requested them, but that doesn’t mean, as an interviewee, you don’t want to be able to whip these out immediately upon asking, rather than arranging to email them later (which as an interviewer, you should 100% accept).

      1. TootsNYC*

        right–I never hold it against people if they don’t have them, because it is my responsibility to print out their resume to bring to the interview, but if they have one, it’s a point to them.

    4. Luisa*

      I agree with this. I’ve only been asked once (during my first professional job search), and even if it’s not a typical (or reasonable) ask, not being able to produce them stressed me out for the rest of the interview. (They asked at the end of their questions but before I had the chance to ask questions or wrap up.) Even if I’m never asked again, I feel better having them handy.

  3. Aphrodite*

    OP #2, it really is none of your business if he uses the cap to drink though I agree with Alison that it is odd.

    My first thought on reading this–before I got through the entire letter–is to wonder if the guy has had bariatric surgery. I am about half way through the surgery approval process myself and the amounts you can eat or drink afterward are very limited so I was quick to wonder if he had himself had it. But you mentioned nothing about him having lost a lot of weight so I assume this is not the reason.

    1. Lena Clare*

      If he’s had bariatric surgery though would he still not be able to sip out of a cup or glass? If he’s pouring it into the the lid and drinking it, then pouring it again – he’s basically sipping anyway but just using an odd measurement.

      1. Aphrodite*

        Oh sure; it’s just that you can only drink or eat small amounts at a time. In the orientation, the surgeon told us that a drink (of water) would be about the size of the plastic cup that comes on over-the-counter liquid cold medicine.

        1. The Other Dawn*

          That’s really only in the very beginning, though, typically right after surgery and maybe for a few weeks after that. I’ll never again be able to gulp down a glass of water in one shot; however, I can take in normal amounts with each sip.

          1. OP/LW #2*

            I’m guessing that this isn’t the case because he’s been doing this since I started working here in late 2017.

            1. Washi*

              Huh, yeah that changes what I was going to say, which is that I think I probably would not be able to restrain myself from blurting out a puzzled “why are you drinking from the cap?” But if you’ve been watching Glen drink like this for a year, I agree that you probably are better off not saying anything.

              Has no one in your office ever even asked about that though?? Maybe my office is less tactful than most, but I’m 100% sure someone would have asked by now.

              1. NLMC*

                But maybe someone did before the OP started working there and they now all just accept it. Unless the OP is talking to other people about Glenn they won’t know if anyone has asked or not.

              2. OP/LW #2*

                I’m not sure if anyone else has asked/talked to him about it. I’m considering asking others people about it, but I want to make sure to not sound gossipy or like I’m talking trash about him behind his back.

                1. Close Bracket*

                  One way to avoid sounding gossipy or trash talky is get the awkward out front. Go to a trusted coworker and say, “Can I ask you something? I know this is kind of silly, but it’s really distracting to me so I have to ask: Have you noticed how Fergus drinks from the cap of his drink instead of the container? Do you know why he does this?”

                  Even as I type that, though, I’m wondering why it matters. This is Fergus’s quirk, and quirky people are the cost of entry for leaving the house (depending who you live with, they might be the cost of entry for staying home). It does affect you bc you have ADD, but as I said elsewhere, I think your best path forward is to learn to manage this particular distraction.

            2. WhoKnows*

              I must be so much less polite than you, because I think I’d find myself saying “what are you doing?” the first time I witnessed this (I would also, though, be assuming this was not a habit but a weird thing this person was doing just this one time).

              I’m just dying to know the reason behind it.

              1. Shamy*

                I thought the same as you and Washi. I probably would have been so surprised, I would have asked in the moment. Probably not the most polite way to handle it, but I find it a bit impolite he does it even when spilling coffee through holes without some explanation.

              2. OP/LW #2*

                Trust me–on multiple occasions when the slurping and mess almost got to me, I’ve been VERY tempted to do just that. But I have a very deadpan tone, so I want to avoid hurting his feelings. We work very closely together, so I can’t really afford to offend him.

                1. Rebecca in Dallas*

                  That’s what would bug me, the slurping! I find any eating/mouth noises really grating, I don’t know if I could handle a constant slurper.

                2. MJ*

                  But he’s not concerned about the effect of his slurping on others, so he’s not bothered about upsetting others.

            3. Else*

              That is just so strange. I think I would want to gift him a set of those cute tiny mugs that you can get at Ikea or Daiso or places like that, if I thought he might accept them. “Hey, I saw these super cute things and thought of you! Would you like them?” Maybe something like that, making it clear that you think the cups are a positive friendly thing and saying nothing critical to him.

                1. Chip Hackman*

                  Sounds like he at least needs a travel coffee mug top where you can close and lock the sipping hole in the lid to keep from sipping.

                  Please please update if anything ever changes/you find out why he does it

      2. The Man, Becky Lynch*

        Sure he could but by counting cap fulls you have a measuring system in place. Like weighing your food or counting out each chip verses just knowing when to stop.

        My mind went to OCD though. I used to do that as a kid when I was stressed out but have since found better coping mechanisms.

        But speculations don’t matter. He’s got a quirk that doesn’t hurt anyone and is odd but not really doing that much to nitpick at. Which is why the manager hasn’t said anything and the OP would be out of line to say anything.

        1. Melba Toast*

          I’m in no way saying this behavior is necessarily indicative of OCD, but I did think about it too. I have OCD and it would be easy to make a list of all my strange “quirks” (which they really aren’t, that’s just how others see my rituals) but I’m already *keenly* aware of how unusual they seem and I hate when people point them out (it makes me think people are watching every little thing I do). If the boss isn’t saying anything I think it should be left alone, even if it seems unusual.

          1. OLS*

            This was my first thought as well as someone who also has OCD. It would make me feel uncomfortable that a coworker was watching me closely enough to notice.

            1. Flinty*

              To be fair to the OP, you don’t have to be watching someone closely to notice that they are pouring coffee into a lid with holes in it.

              1. OLS*

                True. I was responding more to Melba than to the OPs case in particular – just generally about people commenting on “quirks”. To this particular case – If there’s coffee pouring everywhere and making a mess, that’s obviously something that affects everyone around them and hard not to notice. I think there’s plenty of reason coworkers could (and maybe should) be commenting on it. But like the drinking from the lid of a soda bottle? I don’t think that rises to “have a confrontation over this” level, and would feel uncomfortable to see a coworker confront another coworker over it. Too panopticonish to me.

            2. Snark*

              How would someone not notice? It’s hardly subtle and noticeable only under uncomfortable scrutiny! Even if you’re just casually occupying the same space, it’s behavior well outside the norm and it’s pretty obvious.

            3. Observer*

              I agree with Flinty. I do understand what you are saying, but this IS odd enough and noticeable enough (especially because there are occasional spills) that it doesn’t sound like a matter of people watching every detail of what someone is doing.

            1. CustServGirl*

              I disagree with Alison- I think he needs to drink “normally” when at business lunches or meetings. It strikes me as the kind of thing I would do as a kid, and I would find it gross for an adult to do. With a container so small, sips are often slurps, and the action and sound would be very off-putting to me.

              1. Observer*

                That’s not the OP’s problem though. That’s the supervisor’s though and the supervisor knows about this,

            2. JSPA*

              Patterns we set up in childhood (OCD or otherwise) do sometimes occupy the mysterious space where we feel like they should be invisible / inaudible to others. (Like the kid repeatedly making the strange sound with the back of his tongue, secure in the–mistaken–knowledge that only he can hear it.) Or picking earwax, or a quick scratch–those are things that we are most likely do when we’re not in a state of complete awareness and intentionality.)

              It’s hard to create awareness without a shame component (and whether it’s a named condition that’s being accommodated, or just a random quirk, why shame someone needlessly?).

              I’d give it a positive name, and name it, and add a gift (as suggested above).

              “Oh, I noticed you’re a mini-sipper! I had a friend who did that. She had a favorite pair of mini-cups, for meetings and social occasions. I thought you might like a set, too [presenting a pair of world’s tiniest sake cups].”

              1. IndoorCat*

                That’s helpful! It still is probably more the boss’ place, but it’s a good approach I think.

                I have OCD, and while it’s mostly under control now, it wasn’t in sixth grade. Among other things, I would compulsively repeat certain words under my breath when I started feeling overwhelmed or like my brain was getting cluttered (this is called “perseveration,” and some people on the autism spectrum and some people with tourettes do it as well). Same two or three words. They weren’t swear words or anything, but they were definitely more noticeable and disruptive than I realized.

                Anyway, early on in the year, my teacher took me aside and asked me about it. She was non-judgemental; her tone made it clear that she was just trying to figure out what was going on, not punish me or anything. I mean, I felt embarrassed, but that’s because I was thirteen and odd and embarrassed was my default emotional state.

                I didn’t have a diagnosis at the time, but she took me word for it when I said I couldn’t help it. Then she asked if I thought I could just write the words in a notebook or on the back of my worksheet when I felt the compulsion to say them, and that ended up working!

                So, abolishing compulsions is really challenging and not always worth it, but switching from one compulsion to another is often doable. Not always right away, but fairly quickly for most people. Much of my initial therapy was focused on finding safer alternatives to my more dangerous compulsions, while the underlying anxiety was something I dealt with over time.

                Hopefully OP’s co-worker can find a less-disruptive alternative too?

        2. OP/LW #2*

          I never even considered OCD or any other mental illness. Extra glad I haven’t mentioned it to him then! I’d hate to pressure someone into revealing something they’re not ready to reveal.

        3. OP/LW #2*

          I agree it doesn’t hurt anyone, and it’s probably best to just keep my mouth shut (especially since he’s generally awesome in every other way). I just can’t help but think about how it looks to external departments and clients. I’ve noticed many strange and annoyed looks from coworkers, other departments, and clients that were quite obviously directed at him (and he probably has too), but I don’t think anyone has actually said anything to him. It kinda feels like the elephant in the room. I also can’t help but think about how other people perceive him and how this can hold him back professionally and personally, but I’m completely aware that this is so far from being any of my business. I may also be inserting my own feelings about the situation into it, so….yeah :D

          1. Jasnah*

            I think if you noticed weird looks from clients, that gives you standing to talk to your/his manager that the way he drinks is off-putting to clients, so could he refrain while there are clients in view. I think coworkers and your personal squickiness about it is understandable but in-actionable…clients however, are a different matter.

    2. Klo*

      I agree that the OP shouldn’t say anything – although if I were in her position I’d be so tempted to as well! Just the thought of it is so weird and (i don’t know why) slightly revolting!

      If I was matey with the coworker I think I’d probably still ask why he does it, but just for my own curiosity.

      1. Martha Marcy May Marlene*

        Why is it revolting? It’s definitely weird but I don’t see why it is any more or less gross than drinking out of a cup/bottle/glass

        1. Mookie*

          I don’t think it’s revolting, either, but as someone who used to do this (but not with disposable, perforated hot drink lids), it can get messy / sticky, which is not fun for others in a shared space with lots of communal surfaces, handles and knobs, switches, et al.

        2. Lilo*

          I don’t see how you drink this way without slurping, so it is going to be very very noisy. Plus the letter suggests the coffee lid leaks extensively. So it’s messy and noisy.

          1. Karen from Finance*

            It’s *possible* not to slurp by doing what you’d do with a glass, only smaller: put the border of the cup to your lips and tilt the cup. It won’t spill if you like, press the cup into your lips a little bit.

            OP didn’t mention any slurping so let’s not assume.

          2. OP/LW #2*

            Correct–it’s always noisy and/or messy. I’ve noticed that he gets odd (and sometimes annoyed) looks, but, to my knowledge, no one has ever actually complained about him doing it.

            1. Slow Gin Lizz*

              Yeah, but has anyone asked him why he’s doing it? It might not be enough to get him to stop but maybe he will realize that everyone notices and he might stop doing it. Or maybe he has a good reason for doing it.

              1. Snark*

                Or maybe, if the real motive is to get him to stop, someone could just be like “Hey Jim, the slurping and messes are kind of a distraction – could you not?”

              2. Observer*

                I can’t believe that he doesn’t know that everyone notices what he’s doing. If he REALLY doesn’t get that, then he’s also not likely to react well to that realization – it’s going to be humiliating and make him feel like he’s under a microscope (even though he’s not.)

                1. Yorick*

                  I agree. If he doesn’t realize people notice that, then he would have to have social issues beyond this and they must have manifested already.

                2. bonkerballs*

                  Really? We see examples here regularly of people who assume that as long as no one has mentioned anything to them that no one has either noticed or has a problem with whatever behavior their asking about. If no one has said to him this is weird/annoying/distracting, it’s totally believable he has no idea anyone has noticed or cares.

                3. Observer*

                  @Bonkerballs Maybe he thinks no one cares. But generally people who think that no one actually NOTICED a glaringly obvious thing that they do don’t react well to being called on the matter.

                4. bonkerballs*

                  @Observer – Sure, sometimes. But again, we see examples here regularly of someone writing in about a behavior issue, and then people in the comments talking about how they do that thing too, but never would have thought it to be an issue until they read OPs letter (knuckle cracking, for example). So I still say it’s very easy to believe he “doesn’t know that everyone notices what he’s doing.” Everyone has weird stuff they do/say but have no idea it’s weird until it’s pointed out to them.

            2. Not the Boss*

              I’m sorry, that would make me unable to concentrate on anything other than watching Glenn pour and sip. The noises that I’m imagining are setting me on edge right now.

              I would not be able to keep quiet about it, and I’d probably cause more of a scene than Glenn. I can’t stand it when my kids do stuff like this, and it would be intolerable in a workplace setting for me.

          3. Parenthetically*

            Yeah messy/noisy, plus it’s just drawing a LOT of attention to his mouth. It’d be weird and uncomfortable to have to fight having your focus constantly pulled to a coworker’s mouth.

            1. Washi*

              Right, and I’m assuming we’re not talking about lunch meetings, where everyone is making a variety of food noises, but like, normal office setting where if you are eating/drinking, you do it pretty quietly and unobtrusively. If the OP were a manager, I would definitely say something about doing it in front of clients, but as a peer, I agree that they can be quietly bemused but not to say anything.

              1. OP/LW #2*

                Correct. If it was something he did only within our work group, I’d be more inclined to just grin and bear it. But the fact that he does it in front of hire-ups, other departments, and clients changes things, I feel. Still, my manager has seen him do this in front of varying company numerous times, and has seemingly said nothing to him about it, so I really don’t feel like I can’t either.

            2. OP/LW #2*

              Agreed. Making eye-contact with him while he does it is a whole other level of uncomfortable that I never expected.

        3. Lily Rowan*

          A soda bottle cap feels much dirtier to me than a glass — I assume it’s been handled much more and washed much less!

          But I agree with the general “live and let live, I guess” sentiment.

          1. AnotherAlison*

            The lids are also sometimes sharp because they have those little bits that were ripped off the ring. Doesn’t seem like the ideal choice to drink from.

    3. Susan K*

      I came to the comments specifically to see what explanations people could come up with for this. It’s very strange and unusual, so it seems like he must have some reason for doing it.

      1. Snark*

        A reason which we cannot possibly know, and which span an incredibly wide range of possibilites, making speculation fun (I guess) but probably not productive.

      2. Elle*

        He could have some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder and he can’t control himself. That would make sense given that he clearly does it when it’s silly, like there is a hole in the lid!

      3. JSPA*

        If you’re looking for a list of possible motivations, they’re endless, and individual, and not really relevant.

        It could be a fidget object. It could be that he likes the feel of the surface tension–or hates it. It could be that he has a fear of choking. It could be a dislike or hot or cold liquids (they all come to room temperature faster in tiny containers). It could be that he once drank milk from a cup with a cockroach in the bottom. Maybe he once drank a gulp of a non-edible substance through some miserable chain of events, intentional or accidental. Maybe his parent did it. Maybe his parent forbid it, and he now glories in it. Maybe his throat closes up if he sips normally. Maybe he has a defect in his palate. Or a diverticulum. Maybe his parent made him eat and drink out of lids, habitually.

        None of this is stuff he should have to disclose. But unless there’s a specific “use the lid, use only the lid” component, there may be a more socially approved way for him to get what he needs.

    4. MusicWithRocksInIt*

      I would find this super distracting in a meeting, if for no other reason than I’m usually fairly bored in meetings and something super weird happening would grab all my attention.

      I do want to add that if he is making a mess by drinking this way, especially coffee, you can and should ask him to clean up after himself. He shouldn’t just be going around messing up conference room tables and leaving them.

      1. OP/LW #2*

        It is quite distracting (but that might be down to my ADD, which already makes most things distracting). Luckily, he does always clean up after himself :)

      2. JK*

        “Every facet, every department of your mind, is to be programmed by you. And unless you assume your rightful responsibility, and begin to program your own mind, the world will program it for you.”

    5. OP/LW #2*

      Yes, I was under the general impression that it’s not really my business, especially since (as far as I know) our manager has never spoken to him about it. I’m generally a live and let live sort of person, but it honestly boggles my mind a bit that he does this in front of other departments, agencies, and even clients–it just seems unprofessional. But as long no one else has any issues with it, I’m fine with never bringing it up :)

      1. ISuckAtUserNames*

        I wouldn’t say anything, but this is the type of thing my kids would do, so I’d have a hard time not having it affect my perception of his work.

        He might have some sort of mental illness, or autism, or something, but it is really…odd.

        1. Interviewer*

          Whenever my kids do it (and they do!), I put a stop to it because they can’t pour anything without making a mess. So I would have a hard time holding myself back from going into mom mode around this guy if I saw him doing this. .

      2. RandomusernamebecauseIwasboredwiththelastone*

        I’m in your camp… the ‘huh that’s weird but whatever’ position. However, I probably would have the been the one the first time I saw that blurted out “Hey Bob… what’s the deal with drinking from caps and lids?” Or “Hey Bob… you know there’s a hole in that coffee lid, right?”

        I think there’s a line that once crossed you (global you) get to ask. Everyone has weird quirks, it’s what the makes the world more interesting. That being said, I’ve never been shy about asking the questions that are probably silly.

        For some reason your situation reminded me of a part in the first Septimus Heap book.
        ““Let me introduce you to my cat, Bert,” she said.

        Three pairs of bewildered eyes stared at Aunt Zelda. Nicko inhaled his milk and started choking. Boy 412 looked disappointed. He was just starting to like Aunt Zelda and now it turned out she was as mad as the rest of them.

        “But Bert’s a duck,” said Jenna. She was thinking that someone had to say it, and they had better say it straight away before they all got into the let’s-pretend-the-duck’s-a-cat-just-to-humor-Aunt-Zelda thing.

        “Ah, yes. Well, of course she is a duck at the moment. In fact, she has been a duck for a while now, haven’t you, Bert?”

        Bert gave a small meow.”
        -Angie Sage

    6. Psyche*

      The only time I think the OP does have standing to say something is if he does it in her office. The risk of spilling is high and she would be the one left with a mess.

      1. pleaset*

        Look! I’m OK with you capdrinkers drinking from caps on your own time, on your own turf.

        But if you’re in my office, you’d better watch yourself and not go spilling stuff from those caps. I’ve got my eye on you!

        Oh, and I’m not anti-capdrinkeretic – really I’m not. Some of my best friends are capdrinkers. So don’t pull the anticapdrinker card on me.

    7. Seeking Second Childhood*

      OP2 I wonder if an espresso cup or collapsible travel mug would derail his lid-drinking habit.

      1. OP/LW #2*

        I’ve actually thought of gifting him a thoughtful gift in order to possible help curb this habit, but I feel like that would feel backhanded and possibly embarrass him, which I’m trying to avoid.

        1. Close Bracket*

          I don’t think you should do that. He hasn’t ask for help curbing this habit, and he might not think of it as a habit that needs to be curbed. I think it would serve you better to find strategies you can use to help minimize the distraction to you.

    8. Tardigrade*

      My first (admittedly strange) thought was a children’s story from Mrs Piggle Wiggle in which a boy ate so slowly and was “cured” by being served increasingly tiny amounts of food.

      1. GGG*

        YES this was my first thought too!

        With the coffee it could be like drinking tea out of the saucer in order to cool it (although it’s kind of silly given that the lid has a hole in it, and also it’s not 1885). But drinking out of the lid of a Coke bottle — man, that’s just weird. Some sitcom writer should use that.

    9. Autumnheart*

      If there were a medical reason to consume tiny quantities at a time, he could just bring a shot glass and pour it into that. There’s really zero rational reason why anyone would ever need to drink something out of a coffee cup lid with a hole in it. It’s bizarre behavior.

      1. OP/LW #2*

        Unfortunately, I don’t know all of the illnesses/diseases in the world, so I can’t confirm this.

  4. Hmmm*

    #1 – I think focusing on how it makes YOU comfortable would be best here. For instance, “Oh he’s happy to be by me! And I also can’t help but worry when he’s not nearby – I love knowing he’s happy right next to me!” I think you’ll get pushback on whether or not others are bothered, but you can claim YOU love to have your dog around! Don’t focus on the dog as much as you, since apparently your coworkers are Dr. Doolittle and know he’s sad behind the gate ;)

    #3 – Sometimes people bring it out, sometimes they don’t. I always take a copy just in case (and I save it for the next one if it turns out I don’t need it).

    1. DaisyGrrl*

      Also for #1 – this approach might be a good place to throw in a “thanks for understanding!” to help shut down potential pushback from people who want to tell you why you shouldn’t worry.

    2. [insert witty username here]*

      #1 – you can also emphasize that he’s happy being next to you and the gate helps with training you do with him (may or may not be a stretch, but sometimes that helps people respect it). You could also keep some treats or some of his food around and allow visitors to give him a quick treat – then they feel happy and can maybe let it go a little. Or – tell them they can come back at X time to play with him, like during your lunch break, but that you needs to stay with you otherwise so YOU can concentrate on work.

      Good luck and you’re totally doing “dog friendly office etiquette” right!!

      1. [insert witty username here]*

        Ugh that HE needs to stay with you otherwise (you’re already with you…)

      2. So long and thanks for all the fish*

        I second the treat idea. Bonus points if you teach your dog to shake/give a high-five for a treat- your coworkers will feel like they’ve gotten their time interacting with your dog, and in my experience are happier to leave. (my dog isn’t a fan of strangers, particularly children, as she finds them unpredictable and therefore suspicious. As I don’t want to make kids afraid of dogs by having mine bark at them, we have her give them high-fives, which she finds acceptable, the kids think is fun, and then they’re content to go on about their day.)

  5. The Man, Becky Lynch*

    #1 I would tell them it’s like a baby’s playpen, it’s to keep them safe while you’re unable to watch him constantly. A lively wandering pup can easily eat something from the floor or trash or get into trouble that can lead to injury! It’s a gate, not a kennel, ffs. He’s hanging out with his human all day, he’s happy AF, I’m sure.

    1. Amy Farrah Fowler*

      And even if it was a kennel, it’s your dog and you taking responsibility for him. I might add to Alison’s suggested response, that its important that you have the gate, so you can keep him safe and out of things that would bad if he chewed or ate them.

      1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

        A dog in a kennel all day long would ruin a dog friendly office for me. But you’re right, regardless it’s not their business one way or another.

        1. Perse's Mom*

          It depends on the dog! Some dogs like to den and will happily snooze in their kennel even if the door is left open and they could snooze elsewhere.

          1. Doggy Mom*

            My dogs often lie in their crate while I am working from home, although that is a lot less distraction than an office full of people. I wouldn’t trust them in my office, even if we had the perk of bringing them in.

    2. Mookie*

      Yes. Whether or not each and every colleague and guest longed for his unfettered companionship, I wouldn’t get any work done and would be far too anxious about my hypothetical unsupervised pet and the trouble he could get into, unlikely or not.

  6. JS*

    #3 – ABSOLUTELY 100% bring copies of your resume to the interview. My old boss wouldn’t hire someone who didn’t bring in their resume no matter how good they were in the interview. I did interviews with him and we argued a bit on this since there was a very qualified candidate who would have done better than the person we ended up hiring but because they forgot their resume, this person was automatically disqualified.

    My boss had an old way of thinking (MUST bring resume and MUST send thank-you note) and thought it made someone look unprepared. Since we were in sales, being prepared for meetings, etc is very important. At best a more reasonable person wouldn’t necessarily hold it against you, at worst you wont even be considered.

    Also bring about 3-4 extra more than you plan too just in case extra people get brought in at the last minute. I once was told I was meeting with 4 people which turned into 7, I just barely had enough copies.

    1. Jen S. 2.0*

      I always have a few copies of my resume at an interview simply because it’s helpful for me to refer to it! When you’re a little nervous, you often forget so much, and being able to skim your resume quickly refreshes your memory. I bring enough to pass out a couple in case someone in the room hasn’t seen it, but I keep at least one that I can refer to as we talk. It’s an easy thing to bring that you might not need, but you’d be kicking yourself if you DID need it and didn’t have it.

      1. Allonge*

        Me too, to be honest. But then, it is not that hard to bring extra copies, so no big deal in the end.

      2. Ama*

        On my last job search I was exploring two different career paths and so had two slightly different resumes (one which put greater emphasis on my writing/desktop publishing experience and one which highlighted my administrative experience) and the job I ended up actually getting was a nearly 50/50 split so I made a third resume to make it clear that I had equal experience in both. So I needed to bring a copy of my own resume just to remember exactly what the one the hiring manager had received said.

    2. TryingToReadHere*

      That happened to me before too. I was told I’d be interviewing with one person and there were four people when I showed up. And of course they asked for copies of my resume for everyone. It was the first interview I ever did, so I didn’t know I was supposed to supply copies and just had one for myself. I always bring lots of copies now.

    3. Jen RO*

      I’m not American and this is so weird to me! I’ve been interviewing people for 4 years or so and I think I’ve had two people, tops, who brought printed resumes….

      1. Mystery Bookworm*

        You may have had more? I would only pull out my resume if it was requested; I don’t proactively hand it to people.

    4. Cat wrangler*

      I’ve taken copies of my CV but often the interviewer has their own copy. The last interview I had, they barely looked at my CV and just spoke to me instead which suited me fine. All my carefully prepared examples went unused but I rather think that I had been really promoted by the agency so the CV had become almost irrelevant!

    5. Luisa*

      100%. Ideally, everyone participating on the employer side is prepared with a copy, but if it’s not burdensome for the candidate, it can make things much smoother if they have extras. Personally, I never go to an interview without them.

    6. bonkerballs*

      That just sounds like pretty poor hiring practices, not a reason to do it. If I found out the reason I was disqualified for a position was simply that I didn’t have a copy of my resume (that the hiring manager already should have had a copy of) even though I was the most qualified candidate otherwise, I would think I dodged a bullet.

      1. Time to get that arranged marriage my parents want*

        I agree. Whenever job seekers read about hurdles like this, they need to ask themselves, “would I want to work for someone believes that this is important?”

  7. Dog Trainer Dude*

    For #1 – I would lean hard on the gate being necessary for you to be productive at work while having your dog there. Otherwise, you would worry or feel the need to supervise. That’s exactly what I would say. I would also add for the people who will not let it go that you can’t focus on work if you have to keep talking about the gate and use the “We’ve already talked about the gate. Did you need something else from me?” way of shutting it down.

    One thing that might make your life easier with some people is if you do let them interact with your dog at specifically designated times of day (when you come back from lunch/taking dog out?) in the location of your choosing (in your office? outside the entire office space where it’s not disruptive?) for 5-10 minutes. You absolutely don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but if you do, you can then shut people down about the gate and free roaming issues with, “You are free to come play/cuddle/interact/give treats with Rover at X time.” That works with people who think your dog is cute and want to give him attention for a few minutes, not jerks who think your dog is there to be the mascot to entertain them or clueless people who don’t know the first thing about keeping dogs happy and safe. Unfortunately, some people are just super obnoxious when it comes to not wanting to respect the needs of dogs and their handlers.

    Keep doing what you’re doing! You know what’s best for your dog, and you have a great handle on dog-friendly workplaces!

    1. Willis*

      Yeah, I think I would emphasize how distracting it is to me to have my dog wandering around. I can imagine it would be really hard to focus while trying to keep an eye on my dog as he explores the office.

    2. neverjaunty*

      I really like “We already talked about _____. Did you need something else from me?” as an all-purpose shutdown for people who don’t want to respect a no.

    3. LW1*

      Thank you for this! I do let him wander a little (supervised by me) when I take him outside 1-2 times per day and at lunch. He gets 10-15 minutes of playtime where I’m close at hand and the pup-loving masses get a little fetch or some cuddles. That said, there’s always a time when I need to bring it to an end just so I don’t sit in my office wondering if he’s down in the basement snacking on cleaning products (which, for the record, he has never done – he is a tiny, low-energy breed who mostly naps and quietly chews on his teddy bear when not actively engaged by someone). I might start mentioning when I plan to do this if someone stops by and wants to play with him – I like that idea!

        1. BethRA*

          I think at some point, though, you’re better off with neverjaunty’s ““We already talked about _____. Did you need something else from me?” – because some people will take any explanation as a point to argue for some reason.

          LW, another option, assuming this works for you(and it may not depending on your coworkers or the nature of your work), is to tell people they’re welcome to come in and visit with your dog in your office. I did that when I was in a dog-friendly office but didn’t want my dog wandering. She really did love the visits, the coworkers got their dog therapy, and I didn’t have to worry about where she was or who she was drooling on.

          1. schnauzerfan*

            When I first started to bring my service dog in training to work I’d walk her midmorning/midafternoon and at lunchtime. If someone (coworker or student) wanted playtime, we’d make a play date… “oh she’s working now, but drop by about ten and we’ll go for a walk and you can hold her tug toy or throw her toy for her then!”

    4. Dame Judi Brunch*

      I love all of this!
      The anxiety I would have leaving my dog unsupervised is off the charts. I’ve encountered too many people that do things like: try and feed my dogs harmful food and, ignore my dogs’ cues that they want to be left alone. It is all inadvertent (aww, they’re hungry!, etc), but still could have a terrible outcome.
      My dogs are super friendly, but rambunctious. A gated area would be so appropriate for them.

    5. Dr. Pepper*

      Agree with all of this. I too would worry far too much if my dog was just wandering around loose. He has far too many bad ideas for me to be comfortable just letting him be unsupervised around an office. A gate would be necessary for me as well to be comfortable in this situation. Shut down your well meaning coworkers. I find that people who go around saying an animal “looks sad” or “wants to play” when said animal is happily busy already (say, chewing on his toy or hanging with his human), know next to nothing about animal behavior and are not the kind of people I want around my animals unsupervised. So again, the gate would be necessary for me to feel comfortable.

  8. Bowserkitty*

    “But he looks so sad!”

    IT’S A TRAP!!!

    I like the idea of the sign that says “I like my gate!” or maybe something like “don’t fall for my eyes”? I saw a sign online behind an adorable cat that said “don’t fall for her BS, the cat has been fed” and I thought it was hilarious.

    1. Miss Pantalones en Fuego*

      “Why would he be sad? He’s hanging out with me! Are you saying you think he doesn’t like me?”

    2. AvonLady Barksdale*

      My dog always looks sad. That’s just how he looks, with his big pupper eyes. I always say, “Don’t let him fool you, he gets more treats with that face.”

      1. MusicWithRocksInIt*

        Mine too! This is the downside of having a hound dog. They look sad ALL THE TIME. Even when their tail is wagging. Big soulful hound dog eyes drilling guilt into your soul. She is also really good at the ‘no one has fed me yet’ face.

        1. I work on a Hellmouth*

          Mine will make pouty face and SUCK IN HIS STOMACH if he knows someone is a sucker who will make with the treats.

          And that’s why owners make the rules, not people who fall for puppy shenanigans and big eyes.

        2. AvonLady Barksdale*

          You should see him when I take him out to places where strangers can come up and give him rubs. The dog LIVES for stranger rubs. And while he’s getting an especially good one, he looks at me like, “You never ever love on me, Mama. See how I am getting all this love? I am very deprived.”

          OP #1’s office would love my dog. But they would try to play with him and he would eventually go, “No, I’m gonna sit next to Mama now.”

          1. Loose Seal*

            This is our dog to a tee! People must think we just ignore him at home because of how he acts when strangers want to pet him.

            1. SarcasticFringehead*

              The last time I took my cat to the vet, after she finished doing all the uncomfortable stuff vets do, my cat turned around and demanded more pets from her, as if he’s not literally on top of me about 75% of the time that I’m at home.

      2. Dr. Pepper*

        Mine has learned how to look pathetic. It garners him way more attention and treats than he deserves. We call it his “pathetic pupper face”. Takes everyone in. I have to watch him when we take him places because well meaning people will try to feed him just about anything because “he just looks so sad!” He’s not sad. He’s looking sad on purpose because he’s learned that makes the humans to give him food.

        1. AvonLady Barksdale*

          One last story about my buddy and I swear I’ll stop. He stayed with a neighbor once for a day while we ran an errand in another state. This neighbor had his own dog, so he knew what was up. I got a text message:

          “You didn’t leave me enough food.”
          “What are you talking about, I left you three cups and you’re only supposed to give him one!”
          “He looked hungry. I gave him chicken.”
          “You are a sucker.”

    3. Lupin Lady*

      I also really like the idea of a sign. You can customize it to the office and change it up based on responses or to include a joke. Stay strong, OP#1, you are being considerate with the gate!

    4. JessaB*

      The cat has never been fed, not once, not ever. If a single kib has been eaten of the kibble the cat’s dish is empty and it is starving. Great sign though.

      1. The Other Dawn*

        Exactly. My cats would have everyone think they’ve never been fed. They plop down on the floor, looking all skin and bones and desperate, crying pitifully. It’s all BS.

      2. Dr. Pepper*

        Nope. Ignore the shiny, sleek coat and tendency to embonpoint, the cat has never, not once in all her life, been fed.

      3. My Cabbages!!*

        I was going to say, that sounds like my 4-year-old and cupcakes. (“But I haven’t had one today, Mama!” Yes you have, I just gave you one! “Well I haven’t had one for a long long time.” it was literally an hour ago)

      4. Flower*

        My parents’ cats get upset if the bottom of the food bowl is visible. They lead you to their food after doing their best to get your attention (one eats paper as loud as she can for this). You go over, shake the bowl so that food piled up around the edge evens out and covers the middle, and they go “oh hey you fed me!!!!” And settle down to eat.

        1. That Girl From Quinn's House*

          I see your parents have my cat. She makes a ruckus and then leads me to the closet where I keep her dry food. I go back to her bowl, shake it so the kibble moves, and she’s like “Yay you fed me again!”

        2. Dara*

          If your cats have transparent dishes, one trick you can use on cats who start begging when they see the bottom of the dish is to tape a colour pic of kibble to the bottom. How LONG this trick will actually work on them is anybody’s guess, however.

      5. ThatGirl*

        And the dogs get no love or attention, ever. Says my dog whenever a new person is nearby, or my friends’ dogs when I visit.

    5. AnotherAlison*

      I have a 4 year old English Setter. She is super friendly and loves to play, but she also loves to snooze in a room off by herself. I think dogs get tired of being bothered just like we humans do. They LIKE quiet time.

    1. Letter Writer 4*

      Yay! So glad it’s not strange. I’m not used to being alone in my field or having international counterparts – will reach out next time I travel. It would be great to get their perspective on our jobs.

      1. MtnLaurel*

        LW4, I do that too. I work out of my home so make it a point to get together with colleagues when they are visiting my city or when I’m traveling to theirs. Totally normal, and a perk to be able to know folks personally that I work with daily. :-)

      2. Ama*

        It took me a while to get used to being in a role where networking with external colleagues is considered part of my job, but it has really been useful — in part because I am the only one in my office who does certain tasks, and networking with people who do those tasks in their offices has been super helpful both professionally (sometimes they have a great solution for an issue we’re struggling with) and personally (it feels nice to have a conversation about work where you don’t have to provide 15 minutes of background on half the concepts you are working with).

  9. Knitting Cat Lady*


    If I were his manager I’d insist that he never do this around his computer.

    As his peer you can only ask him to not do this around yours.

    If you have a desk top spilling coffee will possibly ruin the key board. That largely depends on the age. Old key boards you could put in the dishwasher for cleaning. New key boards often have things like card readers, so putting those in the dishwasher will at least kill some of the bells and whistles.

    Laptops are another story entirely. If the laptop is switched off it might survive a small spill. If it is on any amount of liquid could short it out.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      It’s not acceptable to tell a peer to cease this kind of behavior around you. That’s boundary crossing. The manager sees it and doesn’t care. This is bad advice. It’s how you alienate yourself in an office.

      1. stefanielaine*

        I think “please don’t spill coffee on my computer” is on the correct side of the boundary.

      2. Dankar*

        You can absolutely ask that people refrain from their off-putting or potentially messy behaviors in your workspace. Didn’t we have a letter not that long ago where an OP was looking for language to request that her coworker not crack her neck(!) while in her cubicle or in the middle of conversations?

        No, OP cannot demand that Glenn stop outright. But she can ask that he refrain doing it when he could spill his drinks all over her stuff!

    2. OP/LW #2*

      Luckily, he’s never spilled anything on my stuff and doesn’t do this in my office (although we very rarely meet in there). He does do this around his open laptop sometimes, but I’ve never actually seen him spill anything on it.

  10. beth*

    #1: Kudos to you for figuring out a way to balance having your dog around and also being able to focus on work! That can be hard, and it sounds like you’ve mostly got it figured out.

    …if only your coworkers would get off your back about what’s working for you. Maybe focus on how much more comfortable HE is when he’s behind the gate? When the gate is closed, he’s in his ‘den’ with you and can relax. When it’s open, he’s got access to an overwhelming amount of attention and things to sniff and explore–which is fun, sure, but also setting him up to get really overstimulated if it’s not offered in a controlled way. You don’t want to set him up for failure, well-meaning coworkers, do you? Of course not. So he gets to chill in his ‘den’ with you most of the time, and you’ll take him out for fun social time when both of you are ready.

    The best thing about this approach is that it’s genuinely true–an overstimulated dog is a dog that’s primed to have an accident indoors, get too rough with other pups, growl or nip at someone, chew on something inappropriate, or otherwise be naughty. And dogs, especially younger dogs, are like toddlers: they’re not great at managing their own stimulation levels. Your baby gate isn’t just about your own convenience, it’s about you protecting him and making sure he’s in a safe, comfortable environment.

    1. mkaibear*

      Came here to say something similar to this.

      If they’re doggy people (who love having dogs around) then taking the tack that it’s better for *them* to have the dog in the cage will not work, and taking the tack that it’s better for *you* to have the dog in the cage will make you look like you’re putting your needs above the dog’s (which in a dog friendly workplace could be a bad image to have).

      But taking the tack that it’s better for *him* to be in the cage is precisely the right way to go.

      I used to get a load of flack because my Charlie (a big staffie/lab cross) was caged in our house – my dog-loving friends would tut and mutter and mumble about him being in a cage all day. Then they’d come over and realise that he got bullied by the cats and got over-excited by the children and got stressed and would start over-grooming if he didn’t have access to his cage, because it was *his* space where he was safe.

      Now at age 5 he’s not in a cage any more because he’s able to self-manage his stress (and has realised that if the cats are mean to him he can lick them and they run away) – but he still misses his cage sometimes!

      1. Yeah, no...*

        That is such a sweet, adorable story about your Charlie! I’m imagining the looks the cats must give, worried he’s going to lick them at any second…Too funny!

      2. LW1*

        THIS. The gate is about my comfort, yes, but it’s also about his. He’s 3 years old and until I recently started this job was on his own most of the day, every day. Per my dog cam, he spends that time napping and occasionally having sips of water. Like a toddler, he does get overstimulated and stressed out by a lot of rowdy attention and, since he’s a short-nosed breed, will sometimes get wheezy or pukey if he doesn’t get a lot of breaks.

        Also, even though my dog has never done anything remotely aggressive or even very naughty (he’s curious but tends to leave anything other than his toys alone), I don’t want there to be a situation where something happens and I’m not there to see EXACTLY what went down. Not that I think any of my coworkers are going to accuse my dog of something he didn’t do, but I know him best and if I see he’s at his limit or another dog is playing with him in a way that worries me, I want to be able to scoop him up. That’s BECAUSE I love him, not because I’m an evil meanie who doesn’t want him to play.

        1. beth*

          I think if you focus your message on this, that’s really your best shot! He gets overstimulated and needs breaks. The space behind your baby gate is his safe space to relax and nap without having to be ‘on alert’ to everything else going on in the office. You’ll bring him out to play and socialize when he’s ready, but you need them to respect his need for that space when the gate is closed. Hopefully your coworkers will understand that (or at least find it hard enough to argue with that they drop the topic).

        2. So long and thanks for all the fish*

          You have a completely reasonable fear, and I think beth’s phrasing is perfect. It doesn’t even have to be your coworkers accusing him of something- people aren’t perfect, and do things like drop food on the ground. If he’s allowed to wander, then starts throwing up later, I’d want to know if it were a result of eating a piece of fatty pork or some raisins.

  11. DoctorateStrange*

    OP #2 This is really a thing to let go. For all we know, he could have a condition where he can’t swallow the same amount of foods or liquids compared to other people. Maybe it’s a mentally comforting way for him to drink the way he does for whatever reason. Maybe he just likes to do it. Just let it be.

    1. DoctorateStrange*

      I forgot to add, that, really the only issue you should raise is if he does that with bottle caps and coffee lids around your space.

    2. Foreign Octopus*

      I came here to say this as well.

      I get that it’s weird but it would definitely be weirder to bring it up with him. I’d liken it to someone who always eats the crust of the pizza first and then goes for the rest of it (sorry to those that do that); weird but, ultimately, none of your business.

      Chalk this up to weird office things, file it away as an interesting story, and go about your business.

    3. Lilo*

      The circumstance I can see raising this in is if I was his boss and he was doing this around clients. If I felt a subordinate was doing something that disrupted a third party meeting, you do have to say something. Those conversations about professionalism are just part of the job. T he circumstances here are a bit murkier.

    4. Falling Diphthong*

      I described this to my husband and he immediately went to “fidget.” And claims our son used to do this, though I have no memory of it.

    5. Holly*

      Certainly this would be an issue if it’s a public facing role or he’s doing it in client meetings.

    6. Dr. Pepper*

      Yeah, this would weird me out, but….. it’s really not that big of a deal. It’s also not your place to ask him to stop in general. The most you can do is ask him not to do it in your area, because of the high potential for spillage. I would also say you’re within your rights to ask him to not do this if say, the two of you were giving a joint presentation to a client. But this is more specific instances where you would ask him to hold off on his drink for a little while, not tell him to knock it off entirely.

      Think of it as just Glenn being Glenn. This is just what Glenn does. Glenn is weird this way.

      1. Just Tired*

        Reading the comment thread is killing me (in a good way). I am a person who worries all the time that I have bizarre habits, and try to be very “normal” in the workplace, and then you get people like an old co-worker of mine who never even rinsed out his coffee mug, but to add an extra level of oogie, he loved Cheetos, and would stir his coffee with a Cheeto (the crunchy kind, not the puff; I imagine a cheesy poof would not stand up long to coffee). None of us ever, ever, ever said anything about it.

  12. MistOrMister*

    OP1, if there are just a few people who keep mentioning letting the dog out I wonder if you could argue for keeping him in the gate for his own safety. In addition to the comments about how a loose dog can get into something dangerous, there is also the potential for an altercation either with another dog or with a person. I would be concerned with the bite risk – no matter how slight, because even a well behaved dog could get startled or provoked into snapping. However I strugle with how one would add that as a potential reason to want to keep their dog close without making the dog sound prone to biting, which you obviously wouldn’t want to do. Still, I think an explanation formed as, he is quite happy here and I do this for my peace of mind should be more than enough.

    Or what about a potential white lie saying the dog prefers to have his own defined space? My mom’s dog has a large crate in her room that she has had since puppyhood. She does not get confined to it and seems to consider it as somewhere she can go for extra security or when she wants to hide from ear cleanings. She also sleeps in it often and appears to welcome having a space that is hers alone. You could tell your coworkers your pup enjoys the added security of the fenced in area.

    1. MLB*

      It’s not necessary to argue or make up white lies. These people are boundary pushers and need to be dealt with in a civil but direct way. If after using Alison’s suggest scripts some still won’t back off, a simple “This is my decision and not up for discussion” is all that’s needed. I know people don’t want to be nasty to their co-workers, but this can be done without being nasty, and boundary pushers don’t respond to subtle hints and excuses, because they have an answer for everything. She needs to let them know how she wants to handle it, and that it’s not up for debate.

    2. LW1*

      No, that’s a good point! A close relative of mine was recently bitten by a dog who has (according to the owner) never bitten or even nipped. Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I do know that I never trust any dog to be a good citizen in every scenario. I like to see if my dog seems nervous or scared or if something seems amiss – even if I think the probability of that is near zero. Unfortunately, as you said, people tend to take that the wrong way and think I have a reason to be afraid (I don’t!) that something might happen so I of course can’t mention that fact.

      1. Loose Seal*

        Really every dog is just a dog who hasn’t bitten anyone yet. It’s good to be cautious about that because you never know who might provoke your dog into nipping when he’s not around you.

        I think your gate arrangement is perfect for both you and your pup.

      2. CmdrShepard4ever*

        Every dog that has ever bitten anyone, had never bitten/nipped someone until they do.
        I love dogs and love to pet dogs I meet out on walks, but I NEVER pet a dog without asking its human first if it is okay. Most of the time it is okay, but you never know what the dog has gone through or the training regimen the owner is working on them with. If someone says no you move on. I think having a few dogs at work would be awesome but only in small doses at certain times, the baby gate is a great way to keep them contained and prevent them from bothering others.

      3. So long and thanks for all the fish*

        I think this is a good story to tell your overbearing coworkers, actually! Both as a reason you’re on the “uptight” side without making it seem like you think your dog is necessarily a risk, and as a cautionary tale for your coworkers who haven’t learned proper dog etiquette.

  13. Tangerine*

    OP2: I’d let it go. He doesn’t seem to be bothering anyone else and it sounds like your boss is aware of this behaviour. So unless the situation escalates (I.e. spilling coffee on someone else) there’s really no need for you to do anything.

    Also as someone with ocd (albeit now well managed and with different symptoms), I’m wondering if that might be what’s triggering Glenn’s behaviour. It’s jusf speculation of course but that was my first thought reading this.

    1. Miss Pantalones en Fuego*

      I think I’d ask him not to use the coffee lid with a hole since he’s spilled things before, but aside from that just ignore it as a quirk.

      1. Yeah, no...*

        Miss Pantelones en Fuego, I just wanted to do a quick shout out for how much I love your name!

        Also, for the lid/cap sipper coworker: for me, it would be very distracting if he’s actually slurping it. But if it’s odd, but noiseless, then I’d be able to just ignore it. But then, that’s probably because I have a lot of noise triggers, and slurping is one of them, so maybe that’s just a “me” thing…

  14. PJH*

    #3 – also take one because if your resume has passed through 3rd party hands (recruiters e.g.) it’s not beyond the bounds of possibility that it may have been ‘inadvertently’ altered such that it may be inaccurate…

    1. ..Kat..*

      This. I had a recruiting company rewrite my resume to include the cool, in demand buzzwords. But those buzzwords were not skills that I had. It was not malicious, the recruiters just didn’t know what the buzzwords meant.

      1. Dragoning*

        I had a recruiter try to change my job title on a previous job to match the one they were submitting me for–even though it was a completely different role.

    2. Jennifer Thneed*

      Yup, and those 3rd party hands will often delete your contact information and substitute their own. Which will usually mess up my careful formatting. I’m a writer! Formatting is part of what I *do*.

      For that matter, I’ve seen complete & correct copies of my resume on people’s desk where the printer needed maintenance (running light on ink; skewing the paper) and again, I’m a writer. Formatting is important to what I do, and if someone is looking at a crappy-looking copy of my resume, it’s going to affect their perception of me.

      So, I get why recruiters do it, AND I bring along my own copies of the resume to interviews.

    1. My Cabbages!!*

      Heh–I always thought that was some sort of honorary medallion that the sommelier was wearing…

  15. Allonge*

    OP1 – you are doing this great!
    I would be giving some serious side-eye to people who complain that they don’t get sufficient playtime with your dog. In the end, it’s a workplace. If cute dogs come as a bonus, that is cool, but they are interfering waaaay too much with your work and the relationship with your dog.

    1. Mystery Bookworm*

      Yup. I think just consistent messaging is key here. Try to adapt a tone of voice that says “this is not up for further discussion”.

      Over time, this will be come an established convention and people will likely start to back off.

  16. Mystery Bookworm*

    I’m so fascinated by number 2. I distinctly remember doing that as a kid. I don’t know why, seven-year-old me just thought it seemed so clever. It drove my Dad crazy!

    Maybe Glen is just reveling in the freedom of adulthood.

    1. Namast'ay in Bed*

      I also used to do that as a kid! It felt fancy pouring a little bit of soda or gatorade into its lid and drinking it from there. But personally I found it tedious after a few sips and ended up drinking from the bottle for the rest of it. Also it was only with bottles with screw on lids, I’m puzzled that he does it with coffee lids, which tend to be pretty flat.

      I feel like this is pretty unprofessional to do in front of clients, I wonder if OP2 could approach their boss from a “I’m concerned how we are presenting ourselves to clients” vantage?

      1. Loose Seal*

        Originally, I thought he might be doing it to the coffee to cool it before drinking (like some people pour coffee into,their saucers and then drink from the saucer). But then I was stymied as to why the quirk extended to soda bottles.

        I would not have been able to keep from asking him about it. OP, your office must be full of polite, tactful people!

      2. Observer*

        Why should the OP do this? If I were the supervisor, I think I would be looking at the OP pretty oddly for bringing this to me.

        1. Namast'ay in Bed*

          Really? It’s a genuinely unprofessional thing to do in front of clients, like playing with your food, and it feels like this has become a broken stair of sorts that everyone has gotten used to. I think coming from a place of professional concern and not “ewwww I don’t like this” would be fine.

          And if it turns out that there is a good reason for this behavior or if the manager has deemed it unimportant then that’s good information to have and move forward with.

          1. Observer*

            Not really. The supervisor knows about this, so it’s not like you are bringing the boss information that they don’t have. It’s not the OP’s place to manage how a coworker is perceived.

    2. Dr. Pepper*

      This was a thing for some reason. We used to do this with soda bottles and pretend we were nobility having high tea or some such nonsense. It just felt fancy for some reason. Now, however, it just sounds tedious and strange.

    3. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      Lots of odd adult behaviors are learned in childhood. We shed them with development, also due to society’s pushing in many ways. That’s what therapy has taught me.

      It’s comforting to him somehow or just his “normal” after awhile.

    4. pleaset*

      I wish I did that as a kid. And also wish I’d learned to eat candy bars with a knife and fork. Classy.

  17. Letter Writer #5*

    Thank you so much for answering.

    This is my first office job so I’m still learning all the ‘rules’.

    Honestly my first instinct would have been to give my coworkers a heads-up because we are friendly but I understand why that isn’t the greatest idea. I don’t think my manager would have any reason to ask me to hold my tongue so as long as she doesn’t, I’ll quietly let them know after I’ve spoken with her.

    Thanks again!

    1. Mystery Bookworm*

      I found it very stressful delivering the news I was leaving, even though it’s a very normal part of work.

      Usually the build-up is the worst part! Good luck, OP and congrats on the new job!

      1. Letter Writer #5*

        Yeah, I know the people I get on with will be a little upset so I’m not looking forward to that!

        Thank you very much.

    2. Foreign Octopus*

      I had this as well when I resigned from my one and only office job.

      I’d like to point out that maybe your manager will also ask you to keep it quiet for a few days. That’s what mine did and I found that really difficult because I wasn’t expecting it. (I also didn’t do a very good job at keeping it quiet but I wasn’t relying on a reference from the place and just eager to leave).

        1. Daughter of Ada and Grace*

          When someone has left on my team, my boss has always made a general announcement to the team so we all find out in the same way and at the same time. Among other things, it’s the easiest way to make sure the whole team knows rather than keeping track of who has been told individually.

    3. londonedit*

      It’s one of those things that no one gives you ‘the rules’ for! But yeah, the usual etiquette is to let your boss/manager know first, before you tell your colleagues. You never know, your boss might ask you not to tell them straight away – she may want to discuss the fact that you’re leaving with people higher up before it becomes common knowledge (again, it’s usually just polite for the big bosses to find out personally rather than on the grapevine) or she may want to have a quick word with someone about the procedure for finding your replacement, so that the whole thing can be presented as ‘LW5 is leaving; her last day in the office will be X and we’ll be interviewing for her replacement over the next few weeks’. People like stability and bosses often like to have a plan in place before they announce that something’s happening, otherwise you get a barrage of ‘OMG! Why? What’s going on? Are they being replaced? Are they doing interviews??’ responses.

      That said, it might be perfectly fine for you to tell your close colleagues straight away! But I’d definitely take the lead from your boss on this one.

    4. cheese please*

      I will say that when I left my old job (also my first job) I told two people who I had developed a friendship with that I was on my way to my manager’s office to turn in my letter. Based on my relationship with them and with our manager, I knew if they had heard it from her first they would be slightly hurt. It also felt good to know someone had my back in case my manager didn’t take it well.

      My team was slightly larger (around 10 at my level) but it was a big company, so if your team is small it is probably best to tell your manager first.

      When you turn in your letter, however, you can ask your manager “Is it ok if I tell Jim and Pam myself? I’ve enjoyed working with them and would want to help train the new member of the team alongside them” or something along those lines. Your manager may say no, but it’s worth asking.

    5. MtnLaurel*

      In fact, LW5, it is so normal to tell the manager first and then team/coworkers that if a coworker told me, I’d assume that s/he had already told the manager so I might end up inadvertently spilling the beans.

    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      An anecdote from my recent experience…
      For a few years I worked closely with a 2 co-workers in another location. “A” took over as a point person when “B” moved on to another role inside the company, but “B” was still available to answer questions if “A” was unavailable.
      When “A” left the company recently, he called me to let me know his last day so I could pull together and request any materials I needed from him. Super helpful.
      Unfortunately a week later I realized I’d missed a low-priority task, so I called “B” to ask who had inherited A’s projects. B didn’t know that A had left. Super awkward.
      I’m not sure how that could have been prevented, but it’s worth thinking about.

    7. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      I handed in my notice and then went directly to my team to tell them the last time! Think of it as following the chain of command, which tends to be how offices work in general. Boss is told first for any substantial changes.

      I used my “I’m gonna be leaving” moments to collect my close colleagues private contacts, it made it easier for me at least. “I’ll be leaving in 2 weeks, is it okay to add you on FB? Here’s my number if you ever want to hangout.”

    8. BeeBoo*

      I also recommend not telling anyone outside of immediate family/friends unrelated to work before you speak with your boss. When I left my last job, it became a total fiasco as right after accepting my new position, I called all my references and told them and thanked them for being references. I then set up a meeting with my boss who asked that I give her 48 hours before announcing it so she and the board (it was at a nonprofit) could come up with a transition plan to let staff and donors know about. I said no problem, but unbeknownst to me, one of my references started telling everyone in our circles about my new job and suddenly my ED and I were getting angry calls and texts nonstop from staff and leadership who found out from this third person. The whole chain of events still haunts me!

    9. SarcasticFringehead*

      I just gave notice on Tuesday. I met with my manager first, and then we went to HR together; then I immediately went to talk to the other person on my team, because I wanted her to find out from me. After that, I just started going down the list of people I work closely/am friendly with. I’ll be sending out an all-firm email next week. All workplaces are different, of course, but that’s the general procedure here and it works pretty well.

  18. GermanGirl*

    #3 definitely bring a copy.

    Also consider bringing the original of any diplomas or certificates if that is a thing in your industry.

    Files can get mangled or lost in application systems. Having the stuff with you can make the difference between getting an offer and them being not quite sure what to do with you.

    1. Seeking Second Childhood*

      I’d bring a good photocopy of any diplomas or certificates — hardcopy can get mangled or lost too.
      (I once stopped someone from running an 8×10 photo through a document feeder known for crumpling originals…)

  19. NewHerePleaseBeNice*

    I’m in the UK, where it’s less common advice to take paper copies of your CV to an interview. Last time I went to interview, there had been a power cut in the whole office, and the interviewers had planned, I assume, to look at the CV of the person they were interviewing on-screen. Obviously, that screen wasn’t working, but I was able to hand out paper copies of my CV and we carried on as normal, albeit in quite a dim conference room lit only by the light of a small window!

    1. Akcipitrokulo*

      Yeah – I’ve always had a copy or two of CV with me, because it’s the advice that you’re given, but I’ve never been asked for it!

  20. Bookworm*

    #3: I’ve stopped bringing my resume for years because I rarely get asked (most people are good about bringing their own/printing out a copy for a colleague who wasn’t supposed to originally do the interview) or review my resume on their laptops. When I do asked, I tell them why I stopped (plus that it’s a waste of paper since each resume is supposed to be tailored to every position).

    I’m not sure if it has hindered me but I was hired at my current position *despite* not bringing a resume to the final interview with the head of the org. (Oops) My org is also generally paperless so when I brought this up recently with some of my immediate supervisors they didn’t seem very fussed (and one agreed he also stopped several years ago).

    I honestly think this is organization/field-specific. If you’re in a tech field or one with younger people this might not be a big deal. But more conservative fields or orgs might frown upon this.

  21. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

    #1: nope, you’re doing it right. A responsible dog owner will keep their critter under observation at all times, and a gated-in office with room to move is way easier for both of you than having a leash bound pup all the time.

  22. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

    #2: at first I read the subject as “my coworker only drinks out of (drinking vessels with) caps and lids,” and I (as a dedicated lid-and-straw user, PHONE WILL YOU STOP CHANGING LID TO KID) was like “what’s the problem, some of us know we’re clumsy and want to mitigate that” — but nope, this is just odd. And definitely not mitigating any clumsiness. At all. :-P

    1. Adlib*

      *Raises hand in clumsy solidarity* as I spilled water yesterday out of my tumbler whose only lid opening is for the straw.

  23. Anononon*

    It probably wasn’t an intentional reference, but I’m picturing Glenn from Superstore doing this, and it just makes me smile. (And someone would call him out for doing it, which would just make him buckle down and do it more.)

  24. Micromanagered*

    LW1 I wondered if the people pushing you to open the gate are really saying “Your dog is cute and I want to pet/play with him but I can’t because there’s a gate.” If you think that could be the case, you could tell people “He’s gotta stay in for now but you’re welcome to come in and say hi.” Also, you might try taking your doggie on a little visit to their area whenever you or he need a quick break.

  25. TechWorker*

    My company is 3 months notice (not U.K.) and they’re really weird about people leaving – like they’ll tell the leaver not to tell anyone and then announce it company wide – I think theoretically in good time but when the people doing the announcing get busy it’s sometimes been a few weeks before the leave date by which time their friends and the rumour mill know anyway…

    1. Karen from Finance*

      Similar in my former job. Your team lead and manager would set up a meeting to tell the rest of the team. You didn’t really control when they did. I left the job without being able to say goodbye to my (internal, offsite) clients. I hated that.

    2. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      After I’ve given notice, I’d love to see them try to gag me. That’s up there with “don’t discuss your compensation package” nonsense.

      They’re trying to exercise control over a situation and it’s absurd.

      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        It’s really not up there “with don’t discuss your pay.” Sometimes there are reasons to take a few days to get a plan together before announcing it, so that you’re able to announce the timeline and plan for replacement at the same time you announce the person is leaving. Or you’re not replacing the person, and you need time to create a plan around that. It generally feels less chaotic when you can give some info at the same time as the leaving announcement — especially if, for example, the person leaving was training a new person, who’s understanbaly going to be concerned about what it will mean for them.

        Someone who refused the courtesy of a few days delay in announcing would look very combative, unless there was a specific reason for it.

  26. Karen from Finance*

    For LW#3, I always bring two copies, one for myself as backup/support and one to have available for the interviewer.

    I also have a question that LW asked but was not quite included in the response: should I offer it to the interviewer, or only give it to them if asked? Or should I make sure to keep it visible so they know it’s available if they want it?

    1. foolofgrace*

      I keep the resume copies visible in front of me, and when asked about it, it’s the perfect opportunity to mention that recruiters often rewrite the resume and it’s not always correct. I remember one time this happened and when I handed around copies of my resume, the interviewing panel was really surprised at how different it was. I never got to see the recruiter’s version, though.

      1. Karen from Finance*

        Yeah it’s happened to me that the version they had was just a printout of my LinkedIn even though I had sent the recruiter my actual CV (which is preferred over resumes in my industry/area). Ugh.

    2. Jennifer Thneed*

      I just tell them as we’re getting settled “I’ve got additional copies of my resume if you need or want it”. Sometimes I offer one and they accept or don’t. It’s not a big deal — don’t overthink it.

  27. Linzava*

    A possible explanation is it could be a leftover habit from childhood. As a kid, I always ate candy bars weird, I’d eat the chocolate around it first, then layer by layer. I still do a variation of it now, but in a less messy way, I’m sure anyone who’s seen me eat a candy bar was scratching their head, but it’s something I do without thinking about it. I only suggest this because I sipped out of the cap sometimes when I was a kid too.

    1. Adlib*

      My sister does this! It’s normally just with candy bars, but I saw her do it with chocolate silk pie last weekend.

    2. AngelicGamer, the Visually Impaired Peep*

      Twix bars! You eat the chocolate, then the caramel, and then the cookie. Drove my dad up the wall because you’re supposed to eat them all at one time. Um, no. :)

  28. Cucumberzucchini*

    If the coworker prefers drinking from smaller … vessels, he should at least get a shot glass or something small to pour into so he isn’t making a mess. It’s so weird, I would definitely say something because my curiosity would get the better of me. Or maybe I’d gift him a shot glass and see what the response is. “Hey Bob, what’s up with the cap drinking?”

    1. Karen from Finance*

      You know, we don’t really know why he’s drinking this way. As others have pointed out, it might be due to either a physical or mental condition that OP doesn’t know about. So these kind of passive-agressive gifts are not really a good idea. OP might be sensitive about it and it’s not the best way to go forward.

      I get talking about it at the most but it’s really none of OP’s business.

        1. wittyrepartee*

          a small Japanese tea cup would work just as well. I have one that’s smaller than a shot glass in volume.

          1. Audrey Puffins*

            Or an espresso mug, I love their dinkiness so much that I am almost tempted to start drinking coffee just so I can justify buying one.

          2. Karen from Finance*

            I don’t think that’s the point, though… this is not Glenn writing the letter asking for a solution, this is a coworker who should kind of mind their own business.

        2. The Man, Becky Lynch*

          Oh please. I bring them home as gifts when traveling. My mom uses them to take fish oil. You’re so OTT.

      1. Cucumberzucchini*

        I would still do something. It’s very weird and I wouldn’t mind any possible fall out. I’m just sharing what I would do. And I wouldn’t be passive aggressive about it, I would say something direct as I handed him the shot glass. Dixie cups as mentioned below would be another possible option. Either he is doing it because he has a physical reason for needing/preferring to drink from smaller “cups”, or has a psychological reason for doing it. Either way it’s weird in the work place. I’m not bothered by many idiosyncraties but personally this is one I would poke out. The OP can handle it however they like (or not handle) of course.

    2. AnotherAlison*

      I was thinking Dixie cups. Or maybe straws for the soda.

      It also occurred to me that he may need to sip/slurp rather than tip a glass up and drink regularly. That would lead to a shallow vessel, but you can also just tip your liquid to the edge of a regular paper cup and slurp it from the side.

      IDK, I realize it isn’t the OP’s place to comment, but if Glenn had written this letter and asked if it would be poorly perceived to drink out of lids, I’d advise him to quit it. You can exhibit unusual behaviors and do your work just fine, but it generally isn’t helping your career. You’ll be the weird kid.

    3. MicrobioChic*

      A shot glass is not actually a solution unless Bob is a bartender.

      If client reactions to this particular quirk are a concern, a shot glass would…..not make anything better.

  29. Holla*

    I’m an overthinker so for #2 I wanted to get insight on something. If both the manager and the boss see Glen sipping out of lids, would the boss think it’s the responsibility of the manager to deal with it? And would the boss think if the manager doesn’t address it that they’re not recognizing something that is unprofessional?

  30. CupcakeCounter*

    I think you are doing dog-friendly office 100% right. The people who appreciate you not letting your dog wander and get into stuff are just much quieter than the people who want to play with Fido.
    Also I think you forgot to include the picture of the cutie…I believe I started a motion a while back that all letters regarding animals much have pics attached :)

  31. Jessalyn*

    On the resume, while resume paper is no longer a think, I always print my copies on a slightly heavier weight of paper. It looks and feels a bit better than your standard copy paper, but doesn’t look like resume paper.

  32. Servicedogmom*

    OP#1 – I used to help train service dogs which required us to bring them to work with us. One tool that helped a lot for me was to set designated doggy “play times”. If someone wanted to come play, I could control when those times were that were compatible with my work and dog schedules.

    To people who came to play with the dog I’d say, “Spot can play between 11-12 or 4-5 if you want to come back then” and it worked successfully for me.

    1. Servicedogmom*

      I see Dog Trainer Dude gave the same tip up above. (Sorry, I tried to read responses to see if someone had given that tip but missed it.)

      1. Deloris Van Cartier*

        I was thinking the same thing as well. As I’m a little extra and love a good craft project, I would create a mini schedule to put on his pen area and clearly label play/walk times and times for naps/chewing on my favorite bear/snack time so people can see when you’ll have him out and when you will not. Maybe it would reduce the questions to you and make people realize that he need times to chill and that’s ok! It sounds like you are being a great pet parent and doing what makes sense for you both!

  33. Nay*

    OP#2 please give Glenn a polite ‘hey, what’s up with the lids?’ and report back? I’m absolutely dieing to know!

  34. mf*

    #1: Why not invite the coworkers who want to play with your dog to go with you when you take him out for walks? If they can play with him in a non-office environment occasionally, which will help your dog get some exercise, then maybe they’ll stop bugging you about playing with him in the office.

  35. Four lights*

    OP 5. Also, there’s also the worst case scenarios of telling someone early. The reality is that your goals and your coworker’s and your company’s are not the same. You could tell a coworker, but maybe they feel more loyalty to the company, or are worried about being down a person and tell the company. The company may push you out before you’re ready, because they’re mean, or they hired someone else and want them to work right away. You’re planning on putting in your notice in the next few months, but sometimes things happen and plans change. If you don’t tell anyone, you don’t have to try to save your job.

    The best way to help your coworkers is to do your work well and in a way that they’ll be able to pick it up once you leave. Make sure everything is organized, and documented, and clearly labeled, etc.

    1. My Watch is Almost Over*

      That was my immediate thought. The letter doesn’t specify if they have a job lined up, or if it’s just time to leave and they’re looking to give notice in a few months once they find something. I’m planning on leaving and I’m the only person in my critically important role, so I want to prep my boss for my ultimate departure, but I also don’t have a job lined up yet and don’t want to jeopardize my job in the mean time.

  36. nnn*

    I so want #2 to befriend Glenn over time and develop the kind of relationship where you can talk about anything, for the express purpose of being able to ask him what’s up with the lids! Because I’m sure there’s a reason of some sort, and I can’t imagine what it might be!

  37. Adlib*

    OP #2 – I agree with Alison that you can’t really push back about this guy, but if you have a good relationship with him, have you ever asked him why he does that? I think my curiosity would get the best of me, and I’d just straight up ask in a curious sort of way, not with any sort of judgment in my tone or anything.

    1. Baby Fishmouth*

      Tbh, you’d think if this was a medical thing, he would actually keep something shot glass-sized to sip out of.

      If it was only hot drinks, I’d theorize that it was to cool the drinks down before drinking (like Pa pouring tea into his saucer in the Little House on the Prairie books).

  38. AngryOwl*

    I am very sad that the first letter doesn’t include a picture of the dog. Mostly kidding ;)

    LW1 you’re doing a great job! *They’re* the ones doing dog friendly “wrong,” not you. Stick to your guns and yay for such a great perk.

  39. Dust Bunny*

    OP1, no, you’re doing dog-friendly right. Be firm with your well-meaning but misguided coworkers: Tell them you appreciate that they like your dog but that he’s gotten into things and barked sometimes and you want to keep an eye on him. This is as much for the dog’s safety as for not letting him get in the way. Could you offer to meet up with them during lunch or something, when you’re less distracted by work, if they want to pay him some specific attention?

  40. Observer*

    32 – Is there some context we’re missing here? I’m just trying to figure out why you would think that you have any standing to address this with your coworker, or why you would think that there is any need to bring it to his supervisor.

    I get that this is totally weird and I’d probably be rolling my eyes. But that’s as far as it goes.

  41. Kate R*

    #2 reminded me of a coworker I had that ate salad with his hands. In my coworkers case, I think he just didn’t grow up in an environment where anyone ever said to him, “Hey, it’s not polite to eat salad with your hands.” But I also don’t think it’s a colleague’s place to correct someone’s table manners, which unfortunately is probably how this stuff persists with people over the years finding this sort of stuff off-putting but feeling it’s not their place to say anything. But I still agree that it’s probably not your place. That said, depending on your relationship with Glenn, if you are around when he spills it, it might not be so weird to say, “Well why are you drinking it out of the lid? There’s a hole it in.”

    1. Not Today Satan*

      You mean… he ate salad with his hands, without using a fork? I’m having trouble picturing this haha.

      1. Kate R*

        He would pick up a bunch of lettuce with one hand, then pour some dressing on with the other hand, then shove the whole thing in his mouth. Luckily he seemed to be a fan of ranch, so at least it was a thick dressing not apt to drip all over the place. On the one hand, I think about that fork-switching letter Alison got years ago as a reason not to criticize someone’s table manners because we all have different people teaching us manners. But on the other, he was pretty rude in other ways too, so he was kind of a BEC for me.

      2. Close Bracket*

        I eat salad with my hands. I eat it the same way I eat anything else with my hands- pick up a piece, put it in my mouth.

    2. AvonLady Barksdale*

      Oh yes, it’s a bit of a rock and a hard place. It’s not polite nor my place to correct table manners, and as a result, I have awkwardly avoided dining with co-workers who do certain things. I’m not talking about more formal manners–I think most of us could not care less about, say, knife and fork placement– but things like what one colleague did, which was use his hands to deliver communal dip to a chip. USE THE CHIP. Or a spoon.

  42. Observer*

    #1 – thank you for doing Dog Friendly RIGHT. I like dogs, but I would not be happy to have a dog wandering into my space when I’m trying to concentrate. And it’s highly likely that I might not feel comfortable complaining in an office like yours, where there seems to be such pressure to be all into dogs roaming free.

  43. Rachael*

    #1 – I saw a video once of someone who brought their Corgi to the office, and since he was so short, they tied a balloon to him so they could track him in the office. It was adorable. (This is not meant as sage advice, since you’ve expressed that you like to be able to watch him. I don’t blame you. It just made me think about the video and how funny it was.)

  44. Not Today Satan*

    Printing out resumes is something I consider the very least an employer is obligated to do, in terms of providing a hospitable environment for the interviewer. Employers have printers 100% of the time and individuals now rarely do, so why make them jump through that hoop? Are we really gonna make them drive to the library and pay to print something that we could handle in 5 seconds?

    I went on like 20 interviews in the past 5 years and I think I was asked for a copy of my resume once, so I stopped bringing it. If someone is going to judge me for not participating in some archaic ritual, I don’t want to work for them. And as an interviewer, I want to look like I have my shit together, which having the candidate’s resume is a crucial part of.

    1. Oxford Comma*

      I would argue that you should look your resume in print before you even send it out. Because it’s a good way to catch typos and to copy edit it. And also, what looks okay to you on screen may print weirdly and in most cases, the people interviewing you will be printing it out at least once. It’s a small thing to do with a potential benefit. I don’t think anyone’s suggesting you go make 50 copies of your stuff, but if the job isn’t worth you driving to the library and paying $1 to have a couple of copies, you shouldn’t be applying. It’s also helpful for you to have a copy to refer to because it’s very easy for your mind to go blank in an interview.

      YMMV depending on the industry.

    2. Rosie The Rager*

      Not Today Satan, I am inclined to agree with you.

      Only once in three job searches has an interviewer asked for a copy of my resume. They usually bring copies of the document as part of their interview package (questions to ask, HR info when relevant, an evaluation scale, etc.).

      As a safeguard for myself, I do include an updated copy of my resume in the front of my portfolio. This has served me well but done little to benefit the interviewers.

      You are correct that printing out materials is becoming a greater inconvenience for your average person. Aside from library books, very little of the information I consume or create is in hard copy format. Society is moving increasingly toward paperless.

      1. WoolAnon*

        True, but as said above, recruiters sometimes change information you don’t want changed (like for me, removing relevant job information). I was so glad I brought my own copies of the correct version and was able to pass those out instead.

    3. Jennifer Thneed*

      Do you bring anything to take notes on? I use one of those leather portfolio thingies, that holds a pad of paper and has a pocket for print-outs.

      And now I’m curious — do most people bring something to take notes on? I always do. If nothing else, I jot down a question I want to ask later, as it occurs to me.

      1. TryingToReadHere*

        I bring a copy of the job description and a sheet of paper with a few questions I want to ask written on it. All my notes always fit on those two things.

        I do bring a notebook or a stiff plastic folder to lean on when I’m writing though. Most interviews I go to seem to take place in a conference room with a table, but I’ve also gone to some where we went to someone’s office and I was just sitting in a chair in front of their desk.

      2. A Cita*

        Yes, I have a small moleskin I write notes on. But I check first to see if it’s ok if i do that, just so it isn’t weird. I’m pretty good though at inconspicuously jotting notes while paying 100% attention from years of interviewing for my profession.

    4. A Cita*

      Agreed! I was thinking the same thing. I don’t have a printer at home. I’d have to get on a bus to get to a library to print it, so think 45 min each way trip, and obviously can’t do that on week days. And now that’s costing me bus fair plus printing. And as others have mentioned, you might have a slightly tweaked resume for each job. That starts to add up.

      I mean, if you have a printer at home or easy access to one, then great. I would do it then as well. But a lot of people don’t have that.

  45. Polymer Phil*

    #3 – I think I blew some early job interviews by poorly concealing my surprise and irritation at what looked like sloppy and unprepared interviewers, but what in hindsight was probably really someone getting pulled in at the last minute without an advance copy of my resume. I now bring printed resumes, but I see a lot less of this now that I’m far enough into my career to be interviewing for higher-level jobs.

  46. maureen*

    If I worked with #2, my immediate impulse would be to mention the apocryphal story of George Washington comparing the United States Senate to a saucer to explain the body to Thomas Jefferson the next time Glenn does it. It was pretty common in the nineteenth century to pour one’s hot coffee/tea into the saucer to cool it faster; Beverly Cleary wrote that her grandfather did it into the 1920s to save time. I’d almost be tempted to buy a deep saucer or short shallow bowl and try it myself. (It would also show Glenn that there are alternatives to the Starbucks lid.)

  47. Rainbow Roses*

    #2 I agree you shouldn’t say anything since you’re not his boss. However if you have a good relationship, perhaps you can ask in a friendly way why he drink that way.

    I also think it’s unusual but it reminds me of the book Farmer Boy which is one of the Little House books. Eliza Jane tries to tell her parents that it’s no longer fashionable to drink tea from the saucer. I remember thinking “When was it ever fashionable? That doesn’t seem classy.” But the internet tells me that it was common at one time. Who knew?

      1. Rainbow Roses*

        Well, in modern times, I only know saucers as something to hold your cup or to catch drips. I never saw anyone drink from the saucer in real life or the movies so I didn’t know that was a common thing back in the day until I researched it.

  48. Jordan*

    For the person drinking from caps and lids – there’s a possibility he’s had bariatric surgery in the past! Once you have the surgery, you have to sip in tiny quantities; they often recommend baby sippy cups and drinking from those little medicine 1 oz cups and this could’ve been his way of drinking properly without bringing a sippy cup to work.

  49. Tragic The Gathering*

    General question for people in dog-friendly offices…do you bring your dog with you to meetings or do they stay at your desk while your’e away? I’m thinking more internal office meetings, as I imagine you’d leave them at home if you had an external/client meeting that day.

    1. AvonLady Barksdale*

      I can’t speak for everyone, of course, but when I worked in a dog-friendly office, he came with me to meetings. Granted, we were a very casual place with about seven people, and our meetings were held in what was essentially a living room. He– and his doggy co-workers– tagged along and lounged on the sofas with us. My boss used to borrow my dog when he had to do calls in one of our side rooms.

      If I worked in a more corporate space, I would probably leave the dog in his crate near my desk for big meetings in conference rooms, but if he’s at the office with me, I would want to keep him with me most of the time. Not because I must have him near me at all times, but because he’s my responsibility. At my old office, if I had to leave for whatever reason (lunch, for example), I took him with me most of the time. If a co-worker had to keep an eye on him, it was only for about 10 minutes max. I would never leave him wandering around in a big office while I was behind a closed door.

    2. Wendy Darling*

      When I worked at a dog friendly office dogs were explicitly not allowed in conference rooms out of respect for people with allergies and people who would rather not hang out with dogs at work. I had a little gate to keep my dog in my desk area that I closed when I left my desk (my dog is a huge clinger and never left my desk if I was there).

      Some people tethered their dog to their desk with a leash and some had crates for their dogs, but all dogs were contained to their person’s desk barring the occasional escape.

    3. Peachywithasideofkeen*

      The first day I brought my dog, I left him in my office during our internal morning meeting and my boss asked where he was. I brought him, but he hated being in there with so many people, it was too overwhelming. I used to bring him to the daily afternoon meeting because there were fewer people and it was shorter. My coworkers alos enjoyed getting a visit with him (he’s well loved). We got a new team member who isn’t a fan of dogs, so I stopped bringing him to that meeting. It took a little time at first, but now he’s used to staying in my office while I’m at other meetings or running around the building.

  50. Kenneth*


    Absolutely your manager comes first. And if your manager asks, don’t let him/her give notice to the team. Keep that under your control. But be courteous as well and don’t wait till, say, your last day to tell them. Too many former coworkers have done that and I consider that to be discourteous in the kindest terms.

    When I left my previous job 3 years ago, I waited to inform my team I was leaving till AFTER I’d had meetings with my manager and my manager’s manager. The latter scheduled a meeting with me a few days after I’d given notice and before I could tell the rest of the team, so I waited till after that meeting to send out the e-mail. I kind of felt sorry for my manager as well with the timing because I left three days one of my colleagues, meaning he lost two engineers in a week.

    1. Anon for this*

      “And if your manager asks, don’t let him/her give notice to the team”

      I second this. I learned this lesson the hard way and let my manager give notice to the team. IMO, he really botched the message and didn’t actually tell those who were out of office/located in other offices. It was pretty awkward when they found out and I thought they had known.

  51. Mujj*

    #3 – Definitely yes on still bringing paper copies! When I was first job hunting, I had been doing a lot of Skype interviews and at my first truly in-person one, the interviewer asked for a copy and I was totally taken aback. He was high up in the company, so it makes sense in retrospect that he didn’t have the time (or care) to review it ahead of time. I was really mortified! I always bring several copies now, though that was the only time I was asked for one. I always go into interviews now assuming no one even knows who I am or what I’m there for haha.

  52. bruin*

    #4 I would be careful if you are a male and the contact is a woman. I would be very wary of a bunch of random men contacting me out of the blue. It could end up being a useful way to meet contacts but there is that oft chance things could go sideways.

    1. SarcasticFringehead*

      That was my thought as well. Good ways to avoid coming off like this are to invite multiple people (if possible, of course; this won’t work if they’re also a one-person department), schedule the meeting during the day instead of the evening, and include some specific topics in your invitation (“I’d love to talk to you about how you handle X at your location”) so it’s clear you’re going to be focused on work.

    2. Letter Writer 4*

      Thanks for pointing that out – luckily, I’m a woman so it doesn’t apply, but worth bearing in mind how the approach can come off.

  53. Curiouser and Curiouser*

    #3 – Another yes on paper copies. I was just part of an interview process with 3 finalist candidates. Only one brought and offered a paper resume, and it has been brought up more than once as a follow up conversation. Is it going to get him the job on its own? Of course not, but it was definitely a positive.

  54. Wendy Darling*

    Does it look weird to use fancy “resume paper” if you happen to own a bunch of it? I have like 80 sheets of fancy acid free archival-quality paper left over from something where buying the big box of 200 sheets was cheaper than buying the 100 I needed and nothing to do with it now. The only things I ever print are my resume and tickets to things!

    I don’t want to look out of touch and self-important but I would like to get rid of this darned fancy paper. Although really what I have left over is enough to last forever anyway…

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      How easy is it to write on with a pen? If it’s not smooth and easy, I wouldn’t use it; it’s annoying not to be able to take notes on the paper.

      1. Wendy Darling*

        It’s quite smooth! I actually kind of love writing on it. Actually I think I’ve just convinced myself to put it between sheets of cardstock and have it spiral-bound at the copy store and give myself some posh scratchpads, because there is something profoundly satisfying about writing on it with ballpoint…

  55. Peachywithasideofkeen*

    LW1: I think you’re doing it exactly right. I also work in a dog-friendly office and bring my dog often. I have an office with a door and I keep it closed when he is here. There is another employee who lets her dog run wild without supervision and while I am a dog lover myself, it drives me crazy! I don’t need the constant stress of wondering if he is being a burden to other people and he’s perfectly content staying right next to me, sleeping or playing with his toys. I’d tell coworkers who say that he looks sad “I prefer to keep him close to me so I can focus on my work and not be distracted by the fact me might be bothering someone else”

    1. Jennifer Thneed*

      My wife worked in a dog-friendly office once. And the building was poorly designed (too many west-facing windows) and it got really hot there, so they left the door open most of the time. And a co-worker’s dogs wandered in from the parking lot with a little “snack”… which was a dog turd. I adore a dog-friendly office and ever since that happened, would never want to see them wandering around on their own.

  56. JustaTech*

    OP3: At one interview I was incredibly glad I had brought printed copies of my resume because there had been a glitch in the internal job system of my university and the group who was interviewing me had gotten my old resume, from four years before (when I had basically no experience in anything).

    Hopefully that will never happen to you, but it shows a printed resume can be useful.

  57. Moose*

    LW2 – Okay, I used to do that, BUT WHEN I WAS LIKE 6 YEARS OLD. That is just super super weird office behavior. As always, Alison gave great advice.

    1. Book Badger, Attorney-at-Claw*

      I used to drink hot beverages, like cocoa or tea, with a spoon when I was a kid (it made it cool down faster). I also used to sneak those little containers of flavored coffee creamer and drink them neat, like a shot.

      However, I am an adult now, and I drink my beverages out of appropriate vessels and don’t drink straight half-and-half.

  58. Goya de la Mancha*

    Honestly, if I had to listen to constant slurping/sipping all day, I would end up on the wrong side of a jail cell…

  59. Ok_Go_West*

    LW#1, thanks for taking charge of your dog so competently! I am not a dog person and while I don’t mind it when coworkers bring their dogs to work, I absolutely hate it when said dog runs up and jumps on me.

  60. secretlystephie*

    For LW1 – I work at the headquarters of one of the largest pet food companies in the world, where bringing pets to work is obviously encouraged. And EVERYONE has baby gates. There are even large expandable gates provided by the company for open office areas. It’s extremely rare that a dog gets to roam free (or a fun surprise when someone escapes and visits my cube). Having dogs roam free (or allowed into meeting rooms and kitchens/break rooms) is against the rules.

  61. Wendy Darling*

    I was all ‘okay that’s weird but harmless’ re: 2 until I realized the person was doing it in front of clients.

    I dunno if all clients are like this but my company’s clients act like anyone vaguely technical at my company is some kind of idiot-savant and also a space alien. They assume we magically know EVERYTHING about the technologies my company provides but have no knowledge of anything else and would never be able to understand their Important Business Concerns. I take pains not to do anything even slightly odd-seeming in front of them because they already believe I have flown in from the moon.

    So… yeah no doing that in front of clients.

  62. Lalaith*

    #3 – It’s always good to have a copy or two on hand, even if you don’t end up using it. One time my interviewer had printed out the wrong person’s resume, so it was useful to be able to hand him the right one!

  63. Rachel Green*

    Drinking out of caps and lids is super weird. I want to know why no one in the office is giving him a hard time about it. Is he not making a mess, spilling his beverages all over the place? That’s just so weird.

  64. Anon for this*

    #5 – I agree with Alison, you should tell your manager first. And if your manager wants to give it a day or two to figure out next steps and how to answer questions before informing the greater team, that’s totally normal.

    However, just wanted to share a weird experience I had recently with this if it’s of any value. After I gave resignation for a position as a manager, my manager wanted to tell my peers himself instead of me telling them. I really wish he hadn’t because I had no control over the message. My peers had a really weird reaction to my resignation, and my peers in other offices were never informed by my manager. So, I didn’t know who was told, who wasn’t and how the message was delivered or received.

    1. WellRed*

      Your peers probably wondered why they didn’t hear it from you. Also, I wonder what your manager actually said.

  65. Book Badger, Attorney-at-Claw*

    Admittedly my profession is unusually conservative and old-fashioned, but I always take extra copies of everything that a prospective employer either has or could ask for, including writing samples and lists of references. Enough times, I’ve been asked in an interview, “Did we ask you for [a writing sample/references/etc.]?” and I can honestly say, “No, I don’t think so, but I brought them anyway.” If I don’t use them, I can save them for the next interview; if I do use them, I look prepared.

  66. GovernmentLawyer*

    Lawyers still use fancy resume paper. I don’t think it is fair to say across the board that no one needs fancy paper. I would assume resume paper is a good thing anywhere that toe cleavage might be scandalous. And I would give teh side-eye to a candidate who didn’t have an extra for me. Sure, I bring my own, but if I have 15 in a pile (which happens), or can’t find it or whatever, I will see it as a small ding against your preparedness if I ask for one and you don’t have it.

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