here’s your reality check: does your job suck or are you being too picky?

by Alison Green on March 28, 2019

Three years ago, we did a “reality check” post, stemming from a reader who wrote this:

I wonder if we could have a post/discussion where we can get a “reality check” on whether things are awful or we’re just being picky. I’m also working at my first professional job after graduating from college and often wonder whether things really are dysfunctional/unhealthy here, or if I’m just being a sensitive snowflake and need to suck it up. I’d love to be able to ask people who have been working for longer “Is this normal?*”. I think a lot of us at our first job might not have a reference point to compare to.

* Note: Not so much wondering whether things are “legal,” especially since that’s something I can look up if I want to. I’m more curious as to whether certain things are normal and expected at most companies – if I were to switch jobs, should I expect to see something similar?

If you’re early in your career and still learning what is and isn’t normal, it can be really hard to judge whether your employer is great, more or less okay, or shockingly awful. New grads, for example, often put up with boundary violations, illegal practices, and terrible bosses because they don’t have enough of a frame of reference to realize what is and isn’t normal. And on the other end of the spectrum, they might end up thinking practice X is horrible and worth leaving over, without realizing that it’s normal and common.

So here it is: the second reality check post. Here are the ground rules:

  • If you’re wondering if something your employer or manager does is pretty normal and par for the course, describe it here.
  • You must be specific in your request for an evaluation of normalcy — this is not a post to describe why you don’t like your job or to run down a litany of complaints. It’s for specific practices where you want to find out if something is normal.
  • To make this as useful as possible, limit this to genuine requests for input — not stuff that you already know is horrible.
  • If you feel you have a helpful perspective on someone else’s question, post your answer. (“All employers suck” is not a helpful answer. “That practice isn’t unheard of, but you’ll usually only encounter it at lower-tier firms” is helpful.)
  • If you’re giving input on someone else’s situation, keep in mind that this post is to help people figure out if something is normal, not if it’s fantastic. The difference between “that sucks” and “that sucks but it’s pretty normal” matters here.
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  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    Please phrase your questions so that you’re being clear and explicit what the piece is where you want to know if something is normal. Please do not post general complaints about your job, or questions outside the scope of this post. (This isn’t an open thread and I want to keep it narrowly focused to keep it useful.)

    1. Hills to Die on*

      Haven’t scrolled all the way down, but this seems to be working pretty well! You could also take questions ahead of time and have voting buttons, similar to ‘Worst Boss of the Year’ votes.

  2. L. S. Cooper*

    I spend a lot of time having pretty much nothing to do– not for lack of asking, but literally because there’s nothing that I can do. The ladies I work for seem to be pleased with my work and make a point of thanking me regularly (like, every time they leave for the day, which sometimes feels awkward but is still appreciated), but I feel like I spend a lot of time just sort of sitting around. I work in retail support, so I spend my time mailing stuff to retail stores, responding to emails, filling out spreadsheets with various reports on business. I’m not sure if I just work too fast, or if this is normal? I’m at least 55% sure that I fall into the category of “spends a lot of time faffing about but gets her work done quickly and effectively”, but it’s so hard to tell.
    (First job out of college, corporate office for a footwear brand, 375 employees at this office location, if any of that is relevant.)

    1. Dr Wizard, PhD*

      Surprisingly normal. In many roles the fact that you *are* there for when you’re needed is as important as whether you’re actually doing anything with every minute of that time.

      2. Bubbleon*

        My company actually tries to give people a little free time in their day so you have the ability to work on things that interest you, or efficiencies you might be able to improve. If there’s anything you see as ineffective, would it interest you to look into improving it, and would your management accept feedback? I’ve done it a few times over the years and even the suggestions that weren’t accepted have been a benefit to my career.

        1. L. S. Cooper*

          I’ve definitely been trying to make some of our processes more efficient– some of our spreadsheets, especially, involved a lot of redundant work. But I get met with mild confusion when I inquire about optimizing stuff. Not negativity, but more of a sense of “Wait, why would you want to bother with something like that”?

          1. Combinatorialist*

            if they don’t object, I would ask if you can do it anyway. Because after it is done, they might appreciate it more, and it is a good accomplishment to use when asking for more responsibility/money/on your resume in the future

          2. Jessica*

            be careful automating/optimising too much… you might optimise yourself right out of a job.

            1. L. S. Cooper*

              Considering that I fully expect this job to be temporary, I think that might be the best situation for all of us!

    2. Natalie*

      Normal, but for what it’s worth it’s also normal to find that kind of downtime terrifically boring and even kind of depressing.

      1. Environmental Compliance*

        +100. Definitely also normal to just really dislike having that kind of downtime.

        Signed, someone who really detests having that type of downtime, and will forever be appreciative of the boss that during a job with that downtime (due to waiting on others to complete a work task before I could proceed) allowed me to work on my MS during downtime. And, when I graduated, knit.

      2. Detective Amy Santiago*

        This! It’s something I am still struggling with a little and I’ve been in my position for almost a year.

        1. BookishMiss*

          Yes, for a while in my last job, I’d be done with everything by 11 and have 5 hours to do…nothing. At least I was available to un-jam the copier every ten minutes. Made for some long days.

          1. Gumption*

            I had a temp job like that. Got desperately creative. The firm like to start meetings with safety moments so I thought I would create one for when it came to my turn. I created six in the end. Kept my brain active, allowed me to master the new features (at the time) of Windows 7 and a higher up used one because he needed one.

              1. Natalie*

                It’s a brief discussion about safety in the workplace, at home, etc. Sometimes in a manufacturing environment you’ll discuss incidents that happened at a plant to raise awareness about different hazards. In an office environment, though, even if you’re a manufacturing company, you get a lot of safety contacts about being careful walking on ice/snow, watching out for school buses, being careful with ladders, etc.

                The worst one I ever sat through was about eye protection and they showed pictures of people with things sticking out of their eyes to emphasize the importance of wearing your safety glasses.

                1. TardyTardis*

                  That sounds like my husband teaching chemistry class when he was desperately trying to get his little darlings to wear their goggles (though it clearly worked; one student who did 3 to 5 for meth manufacture with time off for good behavior assured my husband that a) no, he didn’t learn that in class, and b) “yes, Mr. X, I always wore my goggles!”).

        2. London Engineer*

          I’m just coming out of a period of this – actually just using zooniverse to do some random data entry to keep myself busy was a lifesaver

          1. wandering_beagle*

            Haha, I use Zooniverse when things are slow, too!! It makes me feel like I’m actually contributing toward something positive!

          2. wittyrepartee*

            Oh! Me too, in the past!

            Now I’m working at a place where I have the ability to create my own research projects. YAY!

            1. turtlepower*

              I am currently in this situation where I have loads of free time. It’s led me to become very familiar with the Ask A Manager archives!

      3. GoTeamS*

        This recently caused me to make a job change. I had too much mental space to wallow about stuff in my own life because I wasn’t busy or engaged at work. So far, making the move has proven to be a good decision. The days go much faster, I feel like I’m using my brain again, and my marketable skills are coming back!

    3. Squeeble*

      Quite normal. I have long spurts like that in my current job and did in my previous job as well.

      I’d say as long as you’re getting things done and your employers aren’t bothered, you’re fine.

    4. Not a Real Giraffe*

      I think this is normal. I found that when people have not done a task in a long time (or maybe have outdated, less efficient ways of doing a task), they often over-estimate how long a task will take. So, something that may only take you an hour, they think will take you four hours. If they seem happy with your work and truly have nothing else to give you to do, spend your downtime on professional development, working on a tedious longer-term project, or maybe see if you can partner with another department to help their workload.

      1. L. S. Cooper*

        I’ve definitely gotten surprised reactions when it comes to how quickly I’ve gotten stuff done, so I think this might play a part. I was supposed to be partnered with another department, but the lead of that department seems to be quite shy about giving me tasks to do.

        1. Michaela Westen*

          Is there a way you can reassure them? Maybe go over there and offer to help with whatever they’re doing. Do small things like filling the copier, handing them supplies, getting water or coffee from the cooler or kitchen. Let them get used to having you help a little at a time.

          1. Burned Happy Helper*

            Honestly, as someone who’s been in this position a couple times, and also faced this early on in her career with her first ever office job,while it sounds like this genuinely might just be a slow-working office with not much to do, for future reference to anyone in this position: please be VERY careful with the “going around and offering to help” stuff or “reassuring” others they can give you work. This can often make you a target for the people in the office who are lazy about getting their work done and will be only too happy to pass it off on you. If your boss is happy with your work and not making an issue of it, I think its safer to try to deal with the downtime as best you can doing professional development: read articles/journals about your job or industry, so that you are “sharpening the sword” and making yourself more hireable and marketable. It’ll only help you be that much more valuable to an employer (even one who has..ahem..more for you to do if you come work there) and give you options. And in the job market, having options is everything.

          2. Michaela Westen*

            When I was young in the 90’s I was always told by supervisors and bosses to help other groups when possible. I got the impression they would not like an employee who didn’t help others. I had colleagues who told me how much they loved my helpful attitude and said I saved them during crunches.
            Maybe things have changed?
            If I understood correctly OP’s boss has told them to help this other group, so IMHO she should keep trying and let her boss know she’s making an effort.
            If it does seem like some lazy person is pushing off their work on her, she should let her boss know about that get direction on how to handle it.

            1. Executive daydreamer*

              Currently a few months into a job in a similar situation: as much as I have been open with my boss about how much capacity I have to take on more work, so far there hasn’t been much passed on. In my previous job I was also underworked but I ended up volunteering to help in other departments; here I caused drama when I asked another manager within my team if I could help with anything as according to my manager it makes her look bad.

    5. gecko*

      Yes, this is normal. The great secret of white collar jobs is that many of them don’t involve working to capacity. Capacity being maybe 80% of your time on a normal day so you have room to expand when crunch-time comes.

      Many (most?) jobs do have more to do, and you can find those, particularly as you move up in the ranks and get more authority and responsibility.

      1. OhGeez*

        Definitely. I think that it’s important to note that as projects come up and your colleagues/superiors get more comfortable with your style and working with you, your days will get fuller. It took a little more than a year for me to be working at 80% capacity. And I’m pretty sure my bosses are still deciding if they like me this busy, because they want a person who can drop everything if something more urgent comes up.

        1. Can't Think of a Name*

          +1

          Whenever we hire someone new in a junior/entry-level role (particularly new grads), they usually have a significant amount of downtime. Not because there’s not work to do, but because we’re still learning about their style/skill/make sure we can trust them with the work we give them. Also because they just simply don’t have the knowledge or experience yet to be working on higher level things (again, I am speaking specifically about entry-level roles). Once someone has a proven track record, that’s when the assignments start to flow in and the workload ramps up.

          Enjoy the downtime, and take it as a chance for your personal/professional development. When I was in your shoes, I read a LOT of AAM, which was both entertaining and helped me adjust to my career.

      2. Hannah Lee*

        Yes, it depends on the role and the job.
        If it’s just an entry level job where they just need a body available if something is needed (like, sitting a reception desk when they get 5-10 visitors a day, or processing the TPS reports quickly every Thursday-Friday with nothing to do in between) fill your time with whatever you see fit that isn’t a drag on something else – reading professional journals, doing coursework, etc. and occasionally offer to your manager, others that you’re available to help on whatever they may need (processing distributions lists, validating databases, whatever, running out to get lunch for a last minute client meeting). It’s a balance between being available to help and being so needy that other people feel like occupying you is more hassle than it’s worth. I’ve known more than one person who has used a job like that as a springboard to a whole career. I’ve also known more than one manager who decided they didn’t really need someone in that role, after all, after the person kept hounding them because they were ‘bored’. Read the room: be eager, hard working and available…but not a nuisance.

        If your job is something more involved with that, here are a couple of ideas, offer to do some of these based on what you see going on around you :
        rolling up your sleeves on grunt work that is helpful but not urgent (for example, is there physical storage that is getting obsolete because no one works with hard copy any more, now they are scanning and workflowing everything?…maybe you could work on scanning documents from the most recent year, and then each year prior and sort and organize so by the end of your assignment, they can call in an offsite shredder, get rid of the hard copies and re-purpose the space without losing access to anything?) In most mid-to large companies, I guarantee you there is someone who has this on their radar but pushed to the back burner (record retention, archival, etc is necessary but neglected in many places, until the cost of physical storage/lease spaces becomes an issue, because no one’s bonus depends on it) but they would love to chip away at it without taking away from their current urgent priorities. If you could do it in an organized, not-half hazard way, so they have documentation of what went where, they will want you on many other projects in the future. ) Also, if you pick the right stack of stuff to go through, you get to read through all kinds of stuff about key clients, previous projects, who worked on what with who, etc. with no one tapping their toe over your research. 95% of it will be uninteresting/obsolete, but 5% will be institutional knowledge that may be worthwhile on future projects. Within a short time, though you may still be a new hire, you’ll know a lot.
        Are there work groups, project teams, etc that need someone to sit in on meetings to take meeting minutes, document action items, email meeting summaries and status updates? That’s a thankless task (a non-promotable task that no one really wants http://gap.hks.harvard.edu/breaking-glass-ceiling-%E2%80%9Cno%E2%80%9D-gender-differences-declining-requests-non%E2%80%90promotable-tasks ) ) but since you’re new, being able to sit in on meetings, see cross-functional teams in action and meet many many people, that experience can be hugely valuable to you. You may even pick up a mentor – someone who you send the draft of the meeting minutes to before distributing them, who reviews and edits them, but also gives you guidance, feedback, information on the informal power structures of the company that you might not be aware of otherwise and who advocates for you on other projects.
        Is there a particular function, specialty that you’re curious about? See if you can be of use to someone in that department. I mean, as long as you might try to get yourself loaned out to another group, why not aim for a group you have interest in? Win-win! And if you can’t find a way to help that group, what about the department right next door? Chatting with people at the nearby copier, coffee machine, elevator can connect you with other projects, people to go out to lunch with, busywork tasks that could lead to something else. (Seriously – I once had a temp job editing/formatting ISO 9000 procedure documents – mindnumbingly dull yet requiring attention to detail. I made friends with people in the cubes near me, in a completely different department. When they were crunched at quarter end, they asked if I’d help out with some data entry. Then they hired me full-time…and within a couple of years was managing half of the department.)

    6. Amber T*

      I wonder if I work too fast sometimes. But I also get overwhelmed with work during certain times in the year. There are certain times of the year that will always be busy, then depending on what the business is doing (not in my department), the rest of the time might be chaotic, or it might be slow. I think if you’re doing the work you have efficiently and well (which it sounds like you are), slow times are just an inevitable part of the business.

    7. Akcipitrokulo*

      Normal, but you can ask your manager if there are any online courses/personal development you think could benefit the company you could do in downtime? (Bonus points if you find them yourself!)

    8. Alianora*

      That was what my last job was like (except my boss did not care at all about work, and she was only actually in the office working about 20 hours a week). I didn’t like it because it was boring, and I felt like there was no chance to grow or learn at all even though I tried to come up with productive things to do, so I left after 3 months.

      Even that short amount of time has left me with some bad work habits I didn’t have before, like procrastinating in order to stretch out a task. Who knows what it would have done to my work ethic if I’d stayed a year or two.

      1. SoMeta*

        this is 100% me and I was just talking about it with a friend this morning – in my last weeks at a job that has been demoralizing & toxic in many ways and it has absolutely clotheslined my work ethic. I am definitely aware of the damage and know I’ll need to be proactive at my new employer to rediscover that drive I used to have.

      2. AnonDev*

        Yeah I just left a job like that after 7 months, and I feel like it really impacted my attention to detail. Mostly because when you have all day to complete a 1 or 2 hour task, you can half-ass it and double-check later on. Now that I’m starting a new job, I’m definitely nervous about exercising the attention to detail needed.

    9. AccountantWendy*

      It’s normal but I echo Not a Real Giraffe. It is worth asking your boss or other departments if there are other things you can be doing (or learning) when things are slow.

    10. CupcakeCounter*

      Normal. That was me during my first year and a half or so at current job. Now I have 3 weeks of hard deadlines that must be met and one week of…almost nothing still. But I usually need it to recover from the previous 3 weeks and deal with all of the low-priority requests/emails that poured in during that time.

    11. S*

      Normal for a job early in your career, AND great opportunity if you choose to look at it that way, because you can actually use that time to further your career. Some possibilities: a) look around, talk to people, and try to identify a couple of problems in your dept. Then come up with a proposal for a solution, and take it to your bosses. b) Many corporations have extensive online learning archives. Take advantage (prioritizing your work, of course) to learn as much as you can – about pretty much anything that piques your interest. Bonus points if you can apply your learning to solve a problem. c) (this is what I did during downtime in my temp days) Become the expert at whatever software you use. Investigate every option on every menu. Read the “help.” Give yourself mini-projects and work through the tough bits. I did this for Microsoft Office in the late 90s and that knowledge (not to mention the self-education habit) is still benefitting me. Learn to build a website or a database. Learn to code. Or, become an expert on something in your business. Become the person who knows your footwear inventory inside and out.

      1. Michaela Westen*

        I did the same thing! I learned about MS Office in the 90’s because I was bored, and next thing I knew they thought I was a wiz. It still benefits me too!

    12. De-Archivist*

      Normal for me. Some days, I’m working hard the whole time I’m here. Most days I literally have nothing to do. Thus far, I’ve taught myself Excel from one of those online course websites, and I’m learning some basic document design through Adobe.

    13. Annastasia von Beaverhausen*

      Really normal for a first job.

      As you become more senior, this will happen less and less. Keep being efficient and asking if anyone needs help. You’ll have more to keep you busy, and your coworkers/bosses will see you as a team player and when it comes time for annual reviews you can bring it up. If you are doing work for other units, that will also help you earn a reputation there if you wanted to move into a different position at the company.

    14. LQ*

      Normal, but I’d wonder if you’ve been through “busy” season. Places sometimes have a busy time they are staffed for and then it gets quieter at other times, when you stack that with being efficient you get…bored. And on the other side sometimes support work ends up getting quieter when the rest of the business is in busy season which can make things feel strange when you have nothing to do but everyone else is rushing around harried.

    15. Aveline*

      I have a friend who is a long-haul pilot. 90% of the flying of the plane is computerized and rote. He has not insignificant gaps with nothing he really has to do.

      You know why they are paying him? For the 10% of the time they really need him. And the top 1% where it’s life or death.

      Some jobs are like this. They pay you to be there for when they need you and aren’t intending you be on every single second.

      I’ve had receptionists and other office assistants work for me who had a tough time getting that, so I gave them things to learn.

    16. Aunt Piddy*

      TOTALLY normal. As long as you are getting your work done well, that’s what you’re there for!

    17. Jess*

      Normal… and. Figure out what *you* want out of a worklife, and use that downtime to move towards it. If you want to move up in the company or industry, seek out strategic projects or training or help out busier co-workers. If your passion lies outside of work, figure out how you can use the downtime to support your extracurriculars (I saved novel-writing for my personal computer and editing manuscripts for my subway commute, but I researched agents and learned about the publishing industry from my cube). If you want to shift to a different sort of job or industry, seek out all the transferable skills/knowledge you can (I echo what someone said above about learning the ins and outs of software… that has come in SUPER handy time and again… and also stuff like project/time management workshops, etc… whatever free online trainings your employer has that seem even vaguely relevant). And go talk to people. I still remember chatting with the marketing manager for an hour one day fifteen years ago — learned a heck of a lot in that conversation, and clarified that I did NOT want to take that career path and why, but also how what she did related to my job/department, which helped later on.

    18. CoffeeLover*

      It’s normal, but I also don’t think it’s good to stay in that kind of environment for too long because you tend to develop some bad habits. Namely, you can get used to procrastinating and working at a slow pace. It can then be a struggle to jump into a more fast paced environment later on – and there are plenty of those as well.

      Of course it depends on your career goals and priorities, but in my opinion I think you do yourself a disservice working in a slow paced environment early in your career. You won’t learn or grow as much as someone who’s well… working more. There are a lot of great suggestions here for how to get involved in more work, but I also think it’s worth looking at what you’re goals are and if staying in your current role will get you there.

      1. L. S. Cooper*

        This job is definitely temporary while I finish up a course for web development, which is what I actually want to do with my life; not a lot of openings at this company for what I want to do. (And two of the perks that I really love about this office will be lost in about a year when we move locations– there’s currently a gym in the office and it’s only an 8 minute drive.) I do tend to prefer a slower pace, but I also don’t like to be bored! I like to go home and know I’ve actually accomplished something. Thanks for the advice!

    19. drpuma*

      Definitely normal, alas. And for perspective from the other side – I once had a boss express frustration with a coworker who wasn’t available for a quick task. Coworker had finished her work for the day and left early rather than sit and occupy herself doing nothing. Your company is paying you to do things, and also to be available for when things need to be done.

    20. Asenath*

      Quite normal, I’d say. And I don’t know if your job is like this – but over the year, there are periods when I’m very busy and putting in lots of time. And others when, really, I don’t have that much to do, and can get through the essentials quite quickly. Another point is, as others have mentioned, it’s useful to my employer that I be here (or I assume that’s true, since this isn’t a seasonal job!). They want me here to respond to stuff the might come up even in the quiet parts of the year.

    21. MoopySwarpet*

      Normal. If you can find something productive to do, it might help you move up the ladder a bit. My first full-time office job was pretty boring for large stretches of time. I taught myself different programs (including photoshop and illustrator) as well as turning to other departments for light tasks (i.e. stuffing envelopes for or with accounting, asking sales about reports they needed or looked at, poking around in the data systems, volunteering to do the lighter data entry portions of unrelated positions, etc.).

      I don’t know if that’s possible where you’re at, but I did similar in a retail customer service position that resulted in being one of 2 people who did the daily drawer count entries. I left because they wouldn’t give me a raise even though I was now doing something completely different than the general floor staff position I had been originally hired to do.

    22. boredworker*

      Yes as others have said it is normal. My jobs is similar. The person before me in my current role was not as comfortable with the job and technology. She often would fall way behind. They ended up taking things away from her as a result. They eventually moved her out of the role, which is why I was hired. I am much more comfortable with the tasks and get a lot of my work done quickly. I have learned to pace my self, sometimes it doesn’t help and I get super bored.

    23. Manana*

      Very normal, particularly when your work is dependent upon requests outside of your immediate office. If your job is to deliver mail and all the mail is already sent out you can’t just create more!

    24. Cassandra*

      Normal. I have an average of several hours of down time per day (and sometimes entire days with no work to do). I think of myself as the emergency standby typist. When they DO need something typed, they need it done quickly, accurately and NOW.

    25. Secretary*

      Very normal. I love having downtime because a) I have lower stress and b) going the extra mile and finding things to do tends to be noticed more, meaning better performance reviews. Also I can listen to music and podcasts while I work.

    26. Amethystmoon*

      Downtime varies based on the job. Sometimes it’s cyclical and jobs will have busy periods. For example, in my last job I did floral item data entry in addition to other products, so Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Easter/Mother’s Day were our busy seasons.

      You can try asking your manager if there are any projects he/she wants you to do during this downtime. The other thing you can do to fill in downtime is to double-check your work (if you’re not already doing so), review your notes, perhaps type them up into a Word document with screen prints, see if there’s any interesting industry reading material, etc. When I was young, I often filled in the down time by looking up things on Microsoft Office Help that I didn’t know how to do and learned how to do them.

    27. Youth*

      Normal. Also my impression is it’s not uncommon for professional jobs that support products or services to go between really busy and really slow depending on the sales season. Enjoy the downtime while you can because it may not last!

    28. SusanIvanova*

      It might be normal for that kind of job but it’s not necessarily so for all of them, and you might just be in the wrong career. There are jobs, like tech, where there’s always something else to do. The sensible ones realize there are different priorities to them so it’s not a bad thing if some of them never get done, but if you find yourself with enough free time they’re nice to have.

    29. MJ*

      Extremely normal.

      Incidentally, I think I work like you do — faffing about a lot of the time, and then getting my work done super-fast and efficiently the rest of the time. (I’m not the Second Coming or anything, but all my employers have been satisfied-to-impressed with me, so it seems to be working out.) I expect at least in part that it’s just the way our brains work? So I think that can be normal too, although I share your feeling that downtime gets…weird.

      (I have solved this by mostly working from home, transitioning to solely working from home. I work so, so much better this way, but YMMV as always.)

      1. L. S. Cooper*

        I work best if I can do it all at once– I have ADHD and it’s just kind of how I’ve always lived my life. I chill out for a long time, then when work needs to get done, it gets done. (And not low quality work, either, if I dare say so myself.)

        1. aebhel*

          Same. I spend a lot of time screwing around, but I also get my work done efficiently and well in bursts of hyperfocus. All of my performance reviews over the past 6 years I’ve been here have been consistently excellent, so… I guess it’s working? I’d probably have trouble in a fast-paced environment that required a high level of consistent focus, but fortunately that’s not the norm in my field.

          1. Phoenix Wright*

            Same here. For tasks that have dozens of hours assigned I tend to waste the first few days (almost) entirely, and then do bits of work here and there. Most of it gets done in the last few days, and I’m not even rushing to complete it, it’s just that I somehow find it easier to focus when I don’t have much time to spare. That said, I’m completely bored at work and believe it’d be better to move to a more challenging place. Even though I might miss these obscene levels of procrastination, it seems like the best thing to do if I want to avoid ruining my work habits forever, and also to prevent whatever the opposite of burnout may be. There’s only so much procrastination you can indulge in before it begins getting into your head and make you feel you’re wasting your time, and I’m already at that point.

    30. M*

      Not just normal, also the way it *should* be. If you’re working at exactly 100% capacity when everything’s going well, you have no surplus capacity when things go wrong. Good employers have surplus staff capacity at all levels.

    31. anonaa*

      Definitely normal. I’d even say this is a good skill to have – being artfully ready to kick into gear when needed, even when you don’t have a lot to do. That means looking engaged, optics-wise, and actively looking for other things to do/ways to be helpful without pestering anyone. Sometimes what’s needed is exactly what you’re experiencing – there’s downtime, you need to keep up professional appearances during that, but be ready when it gets busy.

    32. Wintermute*

      This is very much the norm for some industries, but not others. In general in my experience the ones that have the most downtime are ones where A) you’re there to handle emergencies, if nothing is breaking it’s going to be pretty slow B) the workload varies a lot based on time of year, day of the month, government budgetary cycle or some other regular pattern, but it’s technical enough, sensitive enough or has enough training and policy encumbrance that seasonal workers are not feasible, C) it’s a position where the volume is not high but latency of response is incredibly important, so having people sit idle to make sure all requests are handled promptly is more important than maintaining high resource utilization D) there’s enough vital work to justify a full-time position (or high-end-enough work you would not easily find someone to do it part time) but they don’t generate enough work to keep a full-time employee busy, and it cannot be rolled into anyone else’s work because they’re all busy or because it requires specialized skills.

      I’d take my lead from other people, your boss, and the health of the business on this one. If your boss is happy with your work and doesn’t seem to think you’re slacking, and your coworkers are happy with your work, AND you don’t get the sense the fact you’re slow is because the business has declining business and thus revenues, then you’re fine.

      I’ve had jobs like this, I’m just wrapping up a contract like this now. It’s glorious, I use the time for online training so I can justify what I’m doing with my days, and position myself better for the next opportunity.

      1. Lyman Zerga*

        I love everything you say here, and especially your category breakdown. My role is very much a type D situation you described above. I often feel a bit of guilt because my workplace created a new position for me to do work that’s perceived as important to our organization but previously had not been done, but there’s not really enough work to fill my time (at least not yet). It could really be done by a two-thirds to three-quarters time person. But it’s a highly specialized, sensitive thing, and it definitely could not be done by other existing staff people (whose plates are very full). So I try to make up for it by always being the person to pitch in on other work when I can. Often I can’t, but my attitude is, I will be at my desk 100% of the time to help if needed, even if the work assigned to my role only takes up 70% of the time.

        1. Wintermute*

          I think you are in a great place, in your situation I would not be worried at all, especially if you’re making yourself “generally useful” as old-timey employment contracts said. Employers hire employees based on a value calculation, if you are adding the value (or preventing the cost in the case of departments like legal, HR, IT and so on) they expect you to you’re in a good place. If you’re bringing added value that’s the cherry on top that gets good reviews and glowing recommendations.

    34. somebody blonde*

      It’s normal, but it’s also worth addressing with your manager if you don’t enjoy it – or even if you do but you have any reason to fear layoffs. One thing I would definitely check if you haven’t been there for a year yet is whether the work is more seasonal- some jobs seem to have endless downtime, but then busy season hits and you get constant overtime for that period.

    35. Nobody Nowhere*

      A lot of jobs also run in cycles. Last week I was running around like a crazy person trying to get everything done. This week I’m reading advice columns because everybody’s kids are on spring break and they’re taking vacation time & absolutely nothing is going on around here.

    37. TrainerGirl*

      Pretty normal. I lucked up and found a 3-month position while I was taking Calculus at a local college to finish my degree. I worked 32 hours/week and mostly sat at the front desk of an IT integration lab in case clients came in. If they did, I gave them a tour but mostly I just sat at the desk, because they wanted a presence there. I was told to “look busy”, so I taught myself Microsoft Office (this was in the 90’s) and brushed up my resume. By the time that job ended, I’d finished the class and found a job. It was pretty boring, but I got paid and learned some skills. I wouldn’t want to do it now, but I wouldn’t knock it.

    38. Kitty*

      Happens all the time at my job. Project schedules get out of sync and so sometimes it’s literally nothing to do for days when waiting on other stakeholders, and other times its 5 different deadlines in one week! Fun times.

    39. Shoes On My Cat*

      Pretty normal for first job in a specific industry! Lots of great suggestions here! Perhaps you can ask your boss for 10 minutes once a week. (And keep it to ten! Stay focused. Show you are reliable about her time constraints.
      !) Ask each time if there is anything you can take off her plate *this week* (overwhelmed managers do better with short term asks), keep asking once per weekly meeting even if the answer is “No, you are doing great.” because it will start to get her thinking about things you could do for her and that is the best thing! Small things you do reliably, with questions as appropriate to show you are comfortable asking for help when you are not sure -also reliably- will make her more comfortable giving you more tasks that she can rely on you to do, ask questions about, flag if there is a bottleneck. This may take time, but it’s a great practice for getting through the door once you’ve got your proverbial foot in there. Most of my promotions and lateral transfers happened this way!

    40. Elan Morin Tedronai*

      Normal.

      In my job now I have periods where I spend the day playing games in the office, but also times where I work 14 hours a day. Most decent employers won’t really have an issue with your “spends a lot of time faffing about but gets her work done quickly and effectively” thingy as long as you deliver.

    41. Shoes On My Cat*

      Another idea when you are at loose ends? Take an online keyboarding coarse or three! It makes you look busy and being a fast and accurate typer in an office position will always be a great skill! -I took *typing*! in high school as an alternative to calculus and that was one of the best career choices EVER! Being able to touch type even just 32wpm has had an impact even on my field work jobs, much less my office based jobs…including programming. Good Luck!

    42. Cygda*

      I’m also having this sort of issue. I’m going from a more blue collar “if you aren’t doing anything, something better be wrong” type of job to a more relaxed white collar type (at the same company) and it’s a bit of a culture shock. I don’t handle too much downtime well and sort of feel like I’m “stealing” company time, because in the previous title, that’s EXACTLY what the company would consider it.
      My question is… what’s common for people to do in downtime? Online courses? Do you clear that with your supervisor? For hopefully apparent reasons, I would rather not ask my supervisor directly.

    43. Everything’sFine*

      I don’t have advice, just commiseration! I just came off 15 years as a high school teacher where there’s no such thing as downtime and you’re “on” all day. I’m now at a nonprofit and I’m so, so bored much of the time. I spend a lot of time waiting to get feedback/approval from other people on projects so there’s a lot of waiting around. I also work really fast and have had to train myself to slow down. Upper management seems pretty busy…but also pretty stressed. So I’m trying to convince myself that’s it’s ok to have time to breathe and I need to readjust to a nonteacher pace.

    44. Manders*

      This is VERY normal, especially for entry-level admin/support jobs.

      Some people love it, but some get antsy and really need project-based work. I’m in the second category and I felt much better when I switched to a job where I could take on as many projects as I could get done in a day. There’s nothing wrong with you if you do prefer this sort of job though, you’re not lazy or cheating the company out of work they aren’t even assigning you.

    45. Checkert*

      I’ve experienced various versions of this from stare at a wall level of boredom to things to do that just don’t last a long time but are impactful and necessary. I will say something I struggle with is working too quickly! I tend to not like to spend a ton of time on one thing and prefer to knock it out and get it done. In my current position I have had to learn how to slow down and really spend time on high QUALITY. While my quality didn’t suffer before, I am now having to produce client-ready deliverables that have no opportunity for iterative improvement. It forces me to work slow and careful, and spending far more time putting the finishing polish on products and brought me to down to a much more average pace.

    47. Jt*

      Since this is your first job, then doing nothing major and having free time is normal. However, if you want to move up or do more, then you might have to prove yourself or leave for a different role.

  3. No Tribble At All*

    Is it normal to have to submit original paper copies of your receipts for expense reports?

    Our /new/ system requires your to scan and upload receipts to the expense website, which is fine, and then to mail the originals receipt to corporate HQ. I’m baffled that we have to snail mail the original paper receipt when we have to upload a picture as well. It’s the third millennium — accept my digital copies!

      1. AnnaBananna*

        The scanning part is just to approve the expense quickly so nobody is stuck with late fees. The hard copies are for audits. This is especially important in financial retail companies, in my experience. Though some departments at my current role also demand hard copies.

        That said, I have read the audit will take soft copies so I’m not sure the purpose of a double dip. I’m assuming institutional knowledge drift, eg. ‘because Margo did it before she retired and she said she needed it when we were audited 17 years ago’.

    2. Natalie*

      The IRS themselves doesn’t require you keep paper copies of receipts. I’d call this abnormal (and silly).

    3. ENFP in Texas*

      Fortune 50 cube resident here – We are allowed to upload digital receipts to the expense system, however we must retain the originals in in our files for 12 months in case of an audit. In smaller firms, it might not be so far fetched that they want to have originals of all receipts in one central area.

      1. Bubbleon*

        This is interesting to know, I don’t know if I would’ve thought about audits as a reason to keep hard copies. Are you required to keep them individually, or is the company required to store them together? I’d understand the first but the second feels like a stretch.

        1. TootsNYC*

          If I thought I might have to produce those receipts for an audit, I would probably demand they be sent to me right away, so I *could* put them all in one spot. Think how much easier that would make my job during the audit, to be able to grab 12 monthly folders and hand them over.

          And think how much HARDER my job would be if I had to go back to every one of the people whose expense reports were being scrutinized, and ask them IF they had kept those receipts, and whether they could find them, and then have them send them to me.

          If you send them in right away, as part of the reimbursement process, then I know you’ll do it, and I’ll have it.

        3. JB*

          As mentioned above, the IRS accepts scanned documents. I was told this by an auditor auditing my company.

      2. Not A Morning Person*

        It’s not universal but it is common to require original receipts. At a former employer, we had the same system as ENFP in Texas; scan and send your reciepts, but keep the originals in case there was a question or an audit. At my current place of employment, finance wants the originals included with the expense report.

      3. Engineer Girl*

        I meant to reply to this. My company also requires this, even though they had digitized everything.

    4. Cube Ninja*

      The original copies you send to HQ are almost certainly being scanned *again* as part of the company’s accounting records. I think this one is very dependent on specific company practices, but I don’t think it’s too far out of the norm. A bit on the silly side, though.

    5. KEG*

      The only thing I can think of is that some people do a terrible job scanning and some things are illegible, or receipts overlap. That could be remedied by simply asking the person to re-scan though. Probably just a company/accounting department that hasn’t gotten with the times.

      1. TootsNYC*

        think of the work of having to individually ask people to rescan.
        I have sympathy for the idea of simply demanding them, and filing them, and then you have them for audit or rescanning.

    6. Ruth (UK)*

      At my company, original receipts are preferred but scans/digital copies are acceptable. I think requiring original receipts doesn’t sound way outside of the norm for me, but it’s becoming less common. (I am administrative and process expense claims for my department).

    7. Anonym*

      Maybe semi-normal? My large Fortune 100 employer *just* moved away from mailing the paper receipts last year, on top of scanned copies. It’s not ideal, but not totally random if they’re just super cautious about digital everything all the time. Deserving of a sigh and internal eyeroll, though.

    8. Rose*

      Yeah, this is old fashioned a little out of date, but not abnormal per se. Companies are moving away from this, but some still require it.

      2. cmcinnyc*

        We have some accountants who demand original receipts and paper, signed travel approval forms that were actually phased out several years ago now! But the old guard keeps asking for them, even when the CFO herself has said it’s unnecessary. It’s ridiculous, but I always tell me team to just do it because it means they’ll get their reimbursement faster.

    9. NewHerePleaseBeNice*

      That’s exactly what I had to do until about 6 months ago when we got a new system. Companies are slow at letting go of paper, sadly, perhaps in the misguided assumption that it’s a requirement for audit trails (I’m in the UK).

    10. Amber T*

      I don’t know about “normal” but I know our office does the same. We prefer originals – scans are “okay” but not preferred. For us, I think it’s a combination of doing more than necessary for regulatory purposes, and the fact that it’s what’s always been done, so therefore should always be done (we tend to be a bit slow catching up on technology sometimes). (The fact that it’s a new system for you does seem a bit odd though.)

    11. BlueWolf*

      That does seem odd. Is corporate HQ outside the U.S.? I’ve dealt with some companies in Japan (not for expenses, but when sending our invoices) who still require that we send hard copies of our invoices as well as sending them electronically “so they can compare them”.

      1. Hekko*

        In the Czech Republic, originals of receipts are actually required for accounting. We can enter the receipt in the books based on a copy, but we have to file the original.

    13. Susan Calvin*

      Gonna go with “normal”, because even my employer does it – a large software company otherwise *all* about digitalization. Although it might depend on your local legislature, German tax authorities require you to keep ungodly amounts of paper for x number of years, this might fall under that. If laws in your location are different, maybe your org really is just a bit old fashioned.

    14. Mockingjay*

      My company requires the same: scan and upload to our claims database, then provide the original paper receipts to Accounting. A lot of receipts are electronic now, so I have to print to provide a paper copy anyway.

      I think this practice will simply fade away in the next few years.

    16. Akcipitrokulo*

      Depends I guess – we do paper only here. If you’ve got a digital copy (eg booked travel online) then you need to print it out and attach it.

    17. Wish I traveled more!*

      At my large corporation, scans are used for all the approvals etc, originals are mailed in a special envelope. I kind of suspect that they never open the envelope except in some extraordinary circumstances, and it is otherwise filed away in a box somewhere.

    18. OhGeez*

      It might depend on what kind of contracts or auditing your company undergoes. We are usually being audited by at least one entity at any given time, and some auditors are….cranky. Regardless, many federal contracts require original receipts. The scanned receipt process might be for internal reasons and the originals for external (i.e. you get reimbursed once they receive the scans, but the originals are for outside audits).

      1. Safetykats*

        Normal. I work for a federal contractor, and specific types of records are required to be originals. OP can probably look at the company’s records retention policy to see whether this is really a requirement or jus someone’s preference, but for me, as long as I was actually getting reimbursed, I wouldn’t waste any more time worrying about it.

      2. CaptainLaura*

        +1 to this. If your work has any contract relationship with the Federal Government, there are some archaic and nonsensical rules about receipt retention. At least when I was still in this business, the Fed auditors 1) won’t tell you if your process efficiencies will be allowed ahead of an audit, and 2) were running 3-4 years behind in their audits. Making a mistake and not catching it for several years is…very expensive.

    19. CL*

      They’re probably suing a built-in redundancy since it’s a new system. Once they know keeping everything electronic is working, they’ll probably do away with hard copies. We recently switched credit card companies and now have the ability to upload receipts. We are still using the previous system of logging and retaining hard copies, but they are looking to eliminate that at the end of the year, as long as there are no glitches.

    20. Hiking in Heels*

      We have folks scan receipts and send them in, but they need to keep copies in case there’s an issue with the scans like they cut off or are too blurry. Also, it’s easier to make copies of originals – I submit $500k in reimbursements to the federal government, and we’ve had issues with legibility of the scanned images, particularly if they’re scanned and printed and then scanned again. Your fiscal policy and audit procedure also may still focus on paper records vs digital – it’s a tough transition for any office, but especially one of size with a variety of skill levels in the technology department.

    21. Elizabeth Proctor*

      My old job did this too. It was a fairly large, Catholic university. Not really with the times… We didn’t even have an expense website though, we had to tape paper copies to 8×11 sheets of paper for it all to be filed away.

    22. The Cosmic Avenger*

      My employer has less than 500 employees, and the last time I had to attach paper receipts we were probably under 200 people. So IMO, no, not normal.

    23. CAA*

      It may depend on your industry. Some regulatory agencies and government auditors still ask for original receipts during audits.

    24. Observer*

      Silly, but surprisingly common. Not so much that I would EXPECT it, but common enough that I would not raise my eyebrows.

      Maybe ask why they require the paper copies?

    25. Kimmybear*

      Totally normal if you work on government contracts or with international offices. In some countries, original receipts and “wet” (ink on paper) signatures are still legally required.

    26. Not in US*

      It might depend on what country your in. In my company, we do this. The answer from Finance is that CRA (Canada’s equivalent to the IRS) does not accept most scanned copies as original source documents. Not sure if that’s actually true or not, but that’s what I’ve been told.

      1. Lil Sebastian*

        As a fellow Canadian, I strongly suspect that might not be true. My company (a post-secondary institution) has an online system where we just have to submit pictures or digital copies of receipts. The system has been in use for a couple years. I can’t imagine that as a quasi-government institution CRA would let us get away with using this system if they needed originals. Who knows?!

        1. CanadaTag*

          As a side note, I just popped into the CRA website. I didn’t do a lot of searching, but apparently anything to do with owning a farming business requires original documents/copies of receipts, so it looks like it depends on what type of business it is, whether they need just electronic receipts or also original paper ones.

    27. Kathleen_A*

      Original receipts were required where I work until about 3 years ago, when they started accepting copies. Now, of course, we’re all paperless, but as I said, up until quite recently, it was normal for here, though perhaps weird for other places. But from my perspective, I’d categorize it as “a little outdated, maybe, but still normal.”

    28. I'm A Little Teapot*

      Outdated, but not unheard of. In this case, inefficient and should be changed. Roll your eyes and comply.

    30. K8theGr8*

      I am also at an organization that hasn’t caught up with the times or the regulations and have to submit “original” receipts for any travel reimbursements when scans would be so much more efficient.

    31. De Minimis*

      Not quite normal, especially for a larger organization. I’m guessing some higher-up may be behind the times and wants paper backup for everything. If this were a small business, it would be normal.

    32. Tina Belcher's Less Cool Sister*

      I work in higher ed, and every university I’ve worked for (three) required paper copies in addition to scanned copies. It’s probably industry dependent!

      1. Ginger Sheep*

        Yup. Out of three universities I worked for, two required paper copies, and the other accepted them (but scanned documents were accepted as well). I believe it is still very common in the academic world.

        1. Former Young Lady*

          Yup squared! I work for a university which is slowly moving away from paper copies. One major fear, historically, is double-dipping — say a professor from your university is a guest speaker at my university, and each school is reimbursing her for SOME of the expenses. Both schools have an interest in making sure she’s not double-dipping a particular expense. Or, two travelers from the same university could try to submit for reimbursement of the same expense. In the old days, requiring hardcopy originals was one more safeguard against this. Now, it’s not enough anyway — I’ve caught, on audit, travelers accidentally* submitting two printouts of the same PDF, and the reimbursement processor didn’t notice.

          My university is about to step away from the requirement, but it’s been a long time coming.

          Short version: we can’t rely on 20th-Century policies to protect us from 21st-Century fraud, waste, and abuse. Internal audit has a fiduciary obligation to get with the times.

    33. Risha*

      It was weird and annoying but tolerable until you got to the hugging, and then it was a world of NO NO NO NO NO.

    34. Nessun*

      I work for a massive accounting firm, and this is our standard practice too. We have all kinds of digital capabilities, but we continue to send paper copies of receipts with expense claims. I agree it’s frustrating, but it is a standard for the 6,000 people at my firm in Canada alone.

    35. Jadelyn*

      You have to SNAIL MAIL them??? No. That is really, really not normal, especially if you’re using an online expense website as well. Someone in your accounting department is a Luddite and doesn’t trust the online system, sounds like – and I say that because I’ve got the same issue with one of my coworkers who wants us to snail-mail employee documents because she doesn’t trust the online document management system.

    36. Merci Dee*

      I work in the accounting department for a manufacturing facility, and we moved to an online accounting document program several years ago. Everything is scanned and submitted through our “paperless” system, but expense reimbursements must have a printed copy of the accounting doc with the original receipts attached. Only difference with the paper copies is that they don’t have to signatures, since the document is flowing through the approval process for the online system. We keep the original receipts for audit purposes, and because sometimes the scans aren’t so great if the receipt itself is kind of low-quality (ink running out in the receipt printer, etc.). There are a handful of reasons that companies can choose to keep the originals, and it’s been a normal practice at other places I’ve worked in the past (regional bank, state government, etc.).

    37. Asenath*

      It varies. My employer is very conventional this way and absolutely insists on original documents being presented. They will sometimes make an exception if you make a notarized statement as to why you don’t have proof that you spent $X on Y. I always assumed that this is their way of keeping cheating down, but I know not all employers do things this way.

    38. RPCV*

      Doesn’t seem normal to me. Scanned copies are required when expense reports are submitted at my large corporate employer and I don’t think they’d have any idea what to do with a paper copy.

    39. BTDT*

      My previous low-budget non-profit employer required original paper receipts. My DH’s Fortune 10 company does not. So it’s normal to me for less tech-advanced companies. Not so in large corporations.

    40. Triceratops*

      I work for a government contractor, and this is normal for us. They are legally required to have the original receipts for travel expenses. I can’t speak to other industries, but if any of your travel relates to any government contracts or money, I think it’s normal.

      1. loremipsum*

        I work for a state government agency. When I started a few years ago I would calculate my travel expenses in an Excel spreadsheet and email it on the last day of the month, along with scanned receipts. Last year it was requested that we can continue to do this but to also print out the expense report and receipts copied on a sheet of paper, and mail it to the central office.

    41. Galahad*

      At my Fortune 50, this was very normal. I even had to scan the receipts in one format (by client) for payroll, (because you don’t want a receipt for client A showing up on the scan for client B) then retape them to the letter paper and send them in physically in another format (by date). Good news is that this only lasted 18 months before they figured out that they could audit by the scanned receipts.

    42. Jules the 3rd*

      Fortune 50 cube resident here too – this was our company’s requirement up until 5 years ago. It may still be, but I haven’t traveled in a while. Tech company, no less.

    43. Lady Blerd*

      I think it’s company specific.For us they want original copies but they’ll takea statutory declarations if you don’t have them for small things like taxi or parking receipts. I’ve also submitted emailed receipts with no issues.

    44. University Minion*

      I spend a significant percentage of my time at work fighting the scourge that is obsolete shadow systems for new business processes. “But we’ve always done it this way” is a monster that can’t die fast enough. Chances are that even though the physical receipts aren’t at all necessary for the present system, they’re still being archived somewhere because that’s what they did in the paper system and nobody’s thought about whether or not it’s still necessary.

    45. TechieRose*

      Fortune 500 company here – up until only a few years ago we had to do this process for anything over a certain dollar amount. Seemed like a policy that had been present for a long time and just took quote a bit of work to evolve to where scanned/copied receipts are good enough.

    46. The Tin Man*

      At my company we have two different types of company cards – one for travel and entertainment and the other for Operations. For the T&E card scanning the receipts is the procedure and for the Operations card they have to interoffice the physical receipts. I am lucky that I have the first kind!

    47. KittiesLuvYou*

      My job requires this as well. We upload receipts and then I walk the paper over to my business manager. I work in a holding company of a mega corporation. In our situation it’s in case there’s either an internal audit from the mothership or an IRS audit.

    48. Mbarr*

      My multinational software company accepts digital scans, but you have to hold on to the hardcopies for 12 months afterwards.

      BUT – I know that in other countries, there are legal hard copy requirements. (E.g. You can scan your receipts, but the company won’t reimburse you till they receive the hard copies too.) Not sure what the rationale is…

    49. NACSACJACK*

      Fortune 100 company – we did a year ago, not sure about now. I think it depends on Accounting and the Expense system.

    50. Adalind*

      I worked in Accounts Payable years ago (auditing expense reports) and we had to have original receipts. It’s for audit purposes. I believe they eventually went to a scanned system and still needed originals. I’m not sure what they do now. The current company I work for just wants scanned receipts submitted via their online system.

    51. Dulcinea*

      The nonprofit where I work receives a lot of government funding and the funding agreement requires original receipts be retained for everything over $3 in case there’s an audit. At least that’s what the finance person says.

    52. Samwise*

      A ridiculous but normal practice in a fair number of places. Keep your own paper and digital copies as backups.

    53. 1.2 years until retirement*

      Current company – scanned are submitted, but original paper must be kept for a year.
      Previous company (Fortune 500) – original paper receipts submitted with expenses.

    54. Artemesia*

      We always had to do this; copies were not accepted; we had to submit the real thing. They seemed to fear that somehow if copies were used, we would find ways to get another organization to pay and double dip (like for a conference trip where the organization might pay some expenses if you were on the programs etc). And not only did they have to be original but they had to in restaurants actually who exactly what was ordered as they didn’t reimburse alcohol for minions (I am sure the C suite was expensing their Champagne — in fact I know they were). I once had a request returned because the McDonald’s receipt I used (credit card receipt I think) did not list the items and so this $9 bill couldn’t be reimbursed because I hadn’t proved I hadn’t spent anything on alcohol in this meal. Yes they were that ridiculous.

    55. JJ*

      I don’t have to keep the originals once I scan them in but I hang onto them until the expense report is fully approved and paid, and I keep all digital receipts in a separate folder in my inbox.

    56. Sue A McCrory*

      My institution (a SLAC) requires me to submit electronic copies of things purchased on our institution CC, but I still have to retain originals for at least a year. So things I order from Staples, for instance, I have the electronic receipt which I submit monthly, but have to keep an original (it’s supposed to be a printed paper copy kept in a file, but I just keep them as electronic copies and will print if asked). Receipts like hotel bills that we only have a paper copy for are submitted as originals; that would include meal receipts when traveling.

    57. pattm*

      School district business offices are required to collect and retain original receipts for 7 years. As you go through your annual audits, the audit team will request hard copies of documents. We are also required to keep hard copy payroll documents, too.
      As a side note, we had a department assistant use a Pcard to purchase personal items (several thousand dollars) and submitted scanned receipts that had been doctored. It wasn’t immediately caught, but the CC company noticed the unusual activity, which kicked off an internal investigation.

      1. Observer*

        If someone is doctoring documents, they can do a pretty good job with paper, too. It’s a lot easier than most people realize. Especially if you have access to a scanner and color printer.

    58. Wintermute*

      Not normal. Unless it’s an audit I’ve never seen a company that didn’t use the digital copies. As others have mentioned they have had records retention policies and asked for hard copies if they were suspicious about something but that was exceedingly rare and usually warranted.

    59. Karo*

      I also have to do both – my old company required originals, no copies or scans. So: normal, but silly.

    60. THAT girl*

      Some companies request original receipts to avoid the possibility of an employee submitting the receipt more than once.

    61. Lisa*

      Has your company been around for a very long time? I worked at a 30-something-year-old mega-corp and we didn’t transition away from paper receipts until about six years ago. Almost everything else had gone paperless by that point. In our case, we stopped using paper receipts as soon as we had a tool that allowed scans and uploads. Prior to that, we had a system for about ten years where the expense reports were digital, but the receipts had to be mailed in (and we had to retain paper photocopies in case they got lost). Prior to that, everything was paper. It’s possible that at your company, when they brought in the new system, they didn’t change the policy about sending in the paper copies.

      1. Cathie from Canada*

        When I worked for the Saskatchewan government in the 1980s, their expense claim forms still had a space for “livery” where you could claim the cost of stabling a horse — the form was designed that way in 1905, when we became a province, and nobody since had udated it. I wonder if anybody ever has since.
        I think outdated processes don’t get changed just because nobody has the authority to change them unilaterally and nobody wants to bother spending the time it would take to change them collegially.

    62. FloralsForever*

      This is normal. I don’t believe it is that common any longer, but I work at an organization where something like this may occur. When companies upgrade tech systems, it does not mean they upgrade their audit requirements, as that comes from an outside organization at our company. Or they may not know to upgrade all the processes that go along with the tech upgrade as happens in my company as well. (I’m honestly baffled that my company doesn’t use digital signatures, but oh well!) It can be frustrating to deal with paper copies, but my guess is a lot of higher ups have to align on change and they’re more concerned with alignment on that single thing, that they forgot to address all the other things that go along with it.

    63. Mina, The Company Prom Queen*

      It’s pretty normal. It depends on your employer. At a previous job, we had to send our original receipts via inter-office mail. At my current job, we scan them and email with our expense reports.

    64. MissDisplaced*

      Mixed: I worked for a very large company that required the exact same thing. Real pain, but normal. I think this is gradually going away though.

    66. Software Engineer*

      If you’re in Europe or maybe your company is in Europe it’s common. Now that I’ve moved to an overseas office of my American based company we even have to print out our Uber receipts from our email to send in a ‘paper’ copy!

    67. Serafina*

      It’s not required by the IRS, but may be part of your company’s fraud detection program. A comparison of a sample of original receipts to those submitted electronically can detect doctored receipts.

    68. Susana*

      I’ve always had to tape my original receipts to a piece of copy paper – I guess so they have the originals, but also have them in easy-to-file, scannable form. So not so abnormal.

    69. Five after Midnight*

      Here is something I learned recently: if you are a US company which wants to reclaim VAT from European countries for purchases made there (e.g. business travel) you are required to submit the original paper receipts (scanned images are not sufficient). This is in direct contrast to EU companies which can use electronic images for the same purpose. Therefore, we may actually go from scan-only to requiring employees to submit the paper originals for their European expenses.

    70. Maria*

      Late to this, but FWIW, in the non-profit/government funded world, original receipts is 100% required for audits. To expedite processing, scanned copies are allowed for employees who work remotely and have to mail originals, but the reimbursement will not be issued until the originals are received.

  4. no hugs 4 me*

    Current company makes us do a company cheer (in an office setting — not a Wal-Mart.)
    We recently had a meeting where we were told to say “hi” and “bye” to everyone when we enter and exit the office.

    Upper management hugs everyone when they visit an office. The company describes itself as a family, and I’ve noticed a lot of employees using that word too in a positive way. (“We’re like a big family, it’s great!”)

    This is not my first job out of college, but it is my first job in such a forced-friendly setting. The culture is making me very uncomfortable so far.

      1. ExcelJedi*

        To expand on that: This is super boundary crossing and even veers into cult-like behavior.I’m not being glib. They will likely exploit your emotions to get loyalty/free work/anything they can out of you, but have no problem letting you go if they need to cut costs.

        Get out of there fast. If you can’t get out yet because of your resume, find a mentor or friend in a more normal setting who is willing to let you bounce ideas off them so they can give you a second opinion on what’s okay and what isn’t.

              1. disconnect*

                If I were your dad and you called me, I’d make a temporary exception. This is bullshit.

        2. no hugs 4 me*

          Thank you. I have been looking but it’s frustrating to be job searching again within a year, and I’m not sure how I’d justify leaving to recruiters yet.

          I thought the “family” thing was odd (as Alison’s discussed that stuff in the past), but I figured it was a benign lost-in-translation kind of thing, as the headquarters is international.

          Then I learned the cheer on the first day (ಠ_ಠ)

          1. BookishMiss*

            “My bosses hug us.” If I were interviewing you, that would be a very reasonable reason for leaving. Just reading about it, my eyes popped out of my head.

            1. Jules the 3rd*

              yeah, this.

              I’d probably try to find something more neutral, like ‘new opportunity’ or ‘job not as described’, but I think most interviewers would understand if you said, ‘Upper management hugged everyone when they visited, and I was not comfortable with that.’

              1. no hugs 4 me*

                Yeah I really dislike it :( I’d talk to “HR” about it but she does the same thing. Big sigh.

            3. Totally Minnie*

              Take it one step farther and say “My bosses pressure staff to hug them.” This is what is happening. You’re being pressured to touch people and be touched by people whether you want to or not, and that’s 100% not okay.

          2. Can't Think of a Name*

            You could say something like, “Unfortunately, the company has some issues with boundaries, and I’ve quickly realized it was an unhealthy culture.” This might help you screen out places that have similar boundary-issues. But really you can just go with “my bosses and HR insist on hugging me” and anyone reasonable will understand

      2. Falling Diphthong*

        Plus side, it’s these boundaryless “We’re like a family–or else! Now hug!” offices that offer the best fodder for crazy tales of your past jobs. The villains aren’t going to twirl their mustaches–they’re going to talk earnestly about how you’re all a family, and family are the people you call when you need to dump a body.

        Like a cross between being in a sitcom office and the mafia.

        1. SebbyGrrl*

          ? :) I see what you did there?

          MFM meets Captain Awkward?

          Or accidental metaphor blend?

    3. Peridot*

      I don’t blame you. That would make me uncomfortable too. Saying hello to everyone seems a bit much to me, but I can understand the rationale behind it. Hugs and cheers puts it in the realm of a preschool, not a workplace.

      1. GRA*

        Even preschools are moving away from hugs, and are teaching kids about consent with their bodies. Hugs to all in the workplace is NOT OKAY and NOT NORMAL!

        1. Peridot*

          You’re right, and I didn’t even think about consent issues and people being pressured to let other people touch them. Especially upper management, who have power over your career.

    4. jenividivici*

      Nooo this is not normal to me and I would be on the lookout for signs that this company uses “family” as a manipulation tactic to discourage you from advocating for yourself.

    7. Jamie*

      None of that is normal, with the exception of the describing itself as family thing. I’m uncomfortable just reading about it.

      The “we’re all family” here is as common IME as it is stupid. I like the people I work with but if the paychecks stop coming I will stop seeing them, and I’ve never audited a family member (although I would like to issue corrective actions to some on occasion.)

      My current company doesn’t do the family thing, but most I’ve worked with have (especially if a family owned business) and IME it’s often code for people who expect loyalty outside the bounds of what is reasonable in a professional relationship and issues with boundaries.

    8. facepalm*

      Alison has actually addressed this: search the site on “your workplace isn’t your family — and that’s OK”

      ““We’re like family here.”
      Not words you should want to hear from an employer.
      I did a Q&A with the New York Times about why that phrase tends to pop up at dysfunctional workplaces — and tends to breed more dysfunction too — as well as how you can navigate that kind of culture and a healthier way to view work.”

      1. no hugs 4 me*

        I read that before I started noted the red flag during the interview process. But the HQ is international so I thought maybe they just meant well. Sigh.

      2. Karen from Finance*

        I once had a supervisor (male) who would refer to my coworkers/other females he managed as my “sisters”. As in “Well until your sister hands in the Teapot Handle Data, I can’t really do the Teapot Report, can I?”. He was only slightly older than us, too.

        The problem with being “a big family” at work is that family dynamics start to happen, you don’t want that. I agree with everyone, run.

        1. no hugs 4 me*

          I’m thankful that your experience still sounds bizarre to me — our office doesn’t take the family dynamics that far and I haven’t been totally desensitized by the weirdness! That’s crazy though and I hope work is more normal for you now.

    9. Master Bean Counter*

      Not normal. And this tactic is usually used to breed bad loyalty in lieu of raises and other real signs of appreciation.

    11. Akcipitrokulo*

      NO!!!!

      Saying you have to acknowledge people you meet on way in or out – that can be normal. Requiring you to go round everyone is definitely not normal.

      And hugging everyone? No. Just no.

    14. Mr. Shark*

      No, this is not normal. I don’t have a problem if a company actually feels like a family because the management treats people well (although some people seem to think it’s boundary crossing no matter what), but if it’s forced like this…ugh! A company cheer? Hopefully that’s not first thing in the morning when I would still be crabby and waking up. Even saying hi and bye would get tiring immediately.

      And hugs for everyone when they visit–that is certainly boundary crossing.

    15. Hiking in Heels*

      I’ve sent this in startups and nonprofits where the boundaries tend to be blurrier than a startight corporate setting. It works for some people, but can make you feel more devoted to your company than you need to (and can be healthy).

      Daily hugs would be a dealbreaker for me. Even if something is legal or somewhat normal doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

    17. Lora*

      I’ve seen sales departments or very individual up close and personal sales focused companies (think: car dealerships, real estate, door to door, something where they have to approach you very individually) do cheers and whatnot. Not a regular company. And no hugging, what in the actual?

    18. BookLady*

      I don’t think this is normal. In my experience, companies that do this will eventually use it against you: “We’re family here. Wouldn’t you do anything for your family??”

      Being forced to say “hi” and “bye” is a little odd, but seems like a misguided way to cultivate camaraderie more than anything else. Hugs from upper management is definitely not normal and out of line.

      1. Booknerdish*

        Could we please hear the company cheer? I’m morbidly curious about this, and NO, this is not normal.

        1. no hugs 4 me*

          There are two actually. Not sure how interesting they are, though I dread them both.

          One person says “Let’s go!”
          Everyone else: [COMPANY NAME]!

          Alternatively, everyone gathers around and puts their hands together.
          One person: “1… 2… 3!”
          Everyone else: [COMPANY NAME]!

            1. no hugs 4 me*

              I have social anxiety so I am very much not a fan of it!

              It’s been really validating to read everyone’s opinions. Thanks for your reply.

          3. teclatrans*

            This is reminding me a bit of a Korean drama I watched recently (The Book of You). It is set in a publishing company, and there is a company motto that people
            fervently shout out. I think they do some sort of company cheer, too. That sort of cultural difference doesn’t translate well across cultures.

            1. LunaLena*

              I’m Korean-American, spent several years in Korea, and worked for a Korean company here in the US where everyone except for me was born in Korea. A company cheer is still be weird. The only way I can see it even in Korean culture is during a team-building retreat or exercise a la Takeshi’s Castle or something like that, and even then, it would be something along the lines of “[company name], FIGHTING!”

              (“[name], FIGHTING!” is a common cheer in Korea, on par with “let’s go, [name]!”

          4. Booknerdish*

            OMG. Thank you for this. I work in a public library, so now I picture the staff gathering around to put their hands in the circle and whispering:
            “Let’s go!”
            Everyone: “Hometown Public Library! Shhhhh!”

          5. annakarina1*

            I joked to myself that the company cheer would be like the Bundy family cheer on Married with Children: “Whoooaaa Bundy!” I see it’s not that different.

          6. Cassandra*

            I almost hate this MORE than if the cheer was elaborate and goofy. Ugh. I hope you can hang in there ’til something much better comes along.

    21. Risha*

      It was weird and annoying but tolerable until you got to the hugging, and then it was a world of NO NO NO NO NO.

    22. Elizabeth West*

      The only time I’ve ever run into a company cheer was at a non-profit dealing with college programs. It seemed very contrived and silly to me. Forced hugs are a HUGE nope.

      And employers are NOT family; I wish they’d stop referring to themselves as such. I see this more often in smaller companies. It’s not positive; it’s an excuse to make you feel bad about using your benefits, IMO.

    23. Jadelyn*

      Noooooope! Nope, nein, non, nah, newp. Not normal.

      I am from a fairly huggy culture – Bay Area, California – so hugs are pretty normal when greeting people you don’t see often. But it’s by no means universal, and there are some execs from other offices who I do hug when I see them, some I come shake hands, and some I just wave from my desk. I can’t imagine treating hugs as some kind of default expectation for everyone.

      Also, forcing people to do a “company cheer” just…really reads as creepy and cultlike to me? Maybe that’s overreacting, but that’s almost as uncomfortable to me as the hugs thing.

    24. Asenath*

      I would find this decidedly weird. A company cheer? I’ve read of such things but never experienced it.

    26. Sleepytime Tea*

      Company cheers are surprisingly common, in my experience. Some idiot out there decided this was a good way to improve morale and it has been a thing at at least two companies I have worked for out of 5.

      There’s a difference between normal and common, though. I still don’t think it’s normal, and of the companies I’ve worked where this was done, most of the people there thought it wasn’t normal. It really did seem like an excuse to pay you less, give you crappier benefits, etc. and then be like “but the culture here is sooooo GREAT!” Usually, it’s not. It’s awkward and weird.

      I would say if you are happy with the other aspects of your job, and this is just uncomfortable but something you can live with, then stick it out. But if those other pieces are also sub-par, then I would consider moving on.

    27. Science of Working*

      Not normal or at least not healthy – too many boundaries are being crossed here.

    28. Just wondering*

      Upper management should not be hugging people without asking if they want to be hugged. And even asking for hugs only works if the person knows it’s really really ok to say no thank you, which is hard to do when the person has power over you.

      Personally, I love hugs, but nothing makes a hug more uncomfortable for me than being hugged out of the blue without being asked.

      (Note — people who have gotten my hug-consent in the past don’t have to keep asking me each time. But as a counterpoint, I don’t think we can even assume that someone you generally hug ALWAYS wants to be hugged by you. E.g. my friend who I always mutually hug was recovering from food poisoning AND some mental health stuff and just didn’t want to be touched. Of course, I wouldn’t know any of this if I had just barreled at her with a hug.)

      A culture in which upper management hugs everyone whenever they visit the office is NOT one in which people who don’t want to be hugged will feel comfortable saying so. People need to think about how invasive unwelcome hugs can be — enveloping someone else’s body! People in power are doing this. Aaaack it’s awful.

      To reiterate: I love hugs. But only consent-based hugs.

      1. Totally Minnie*

        I love hugs from people I am interested in hugging. I do not love hugs from people I don’t know well who insist that they need me to hug them.

    29. Jennifer Juniper*

      Are you in a Japanese -run company? If you are, the company cheer thing can be normal.

      1. HarvestKaleSlaw*

        That was my first thought too. The answer to this one is basically: weird as hell, unless you’re in Japan.

        1. Japananon*

          Even in Japan, this would be from like… the 80s. Any company with younger people that uses computers instead of faxes probably does not have a cheer anymore.

        1. AL*

          Well, speaking as a resident of a Northern European country I would say this is very very odd and does not seem normal at all.

      3. Rebecca1*

        Except maybe the hugging, each of those things is normal in at least one country. However, as far as I know, there’s NO country where ALL of them are normal.

        1. Rømtømtøm*

          I was wondering if it was a Scandinavian company. The cheering seems out of place, but a sort of one-armed hug is a very common greeting, e.g. in Sweden, similar to the air kisses in France. Still not super common in an entirely professional setting, though.

    30. De-Archivist*

      Once in my previous life as a retail employee, I opened a new store, and they did this type of stuff. I’m very mellow and low-key and not really one for dancing at work. The new-store-opener noted that I was not dancing along to the cheer with the rest of the crowd, grabbed me by the elbow, and said, “If you don’t participate, I’m gonna make you go up to the front and do it in front of everybody.” So I participated. Not the best experience, let me tell you.

    31. KittiesLuvYou*

      This is horrific and not normal at all. Run away from companies that describe themselves as a family. It’s usually code for “we will disregard your personal boundaries”.

    32. Bookwormish51*

      Greeting everyone and saying goodbye—pretty normal

      Calling company ‘like a family’—not unusual. Possibly worrisome depending what they mean by that. Possibly ok.

      Company cheer—odd

      Mandatory hugging with people you don’t know we’ll—very, very weird and inappropriate

      1. Pilcrow*

        It’s the combination of all these things that isn’t normal. One of these in isolation isn’t too bad (except the hugging, blech), but all of them together = RUN!

    34. Artemesia*

      Well places like this are like family — big extended families that thing nothing of expecting members to work for free or otherwise extend favors and gossip of course about each other. Not a normal workplace. (it is normal that some groups are naturally more expressive or outgoing — that is different than requiring a greeting and pushing touchy feely friendliness as policy)

    35. Amethystmoon*

      That is very much not normal and the hugging is boundary-violating and could really trigger someone.

      1. no hugs 4 me*

        It triggers me! I mentioned above that I wanted to talk to our HR about it, but the HR person hugs too. Sad.

    37. HugsAreNotTolerated*

      Hugs in the office? Hard pass. I already know you like to clip your nails at your desk and now I’m expected to touch you? When. Pigs. Flipping. Fly.
      I’m intensely curious as to what happens if you just refuse the hug? Like what happens if you intercept them when they go in for the hug with a hand out for a handshake? What about putting your hand out with a simple “I’m not much of a hugger, can I interest you in a fist bump?” Are there consequences for ‘denying the hug’? What would those consequences be? Can you imagine that on a write-up?! “Employee refuses to engage in blatant boundary disrespect and is therefore not a team player.”

      1. no hugs 4 me*

        I reached for a handshake with a woman who laughed it off and hugged me. It must have looked like I didn’t notice the fact she was going in for a hug.

        I would, however, love to deny it and see what happens. What I have done is hide in the bathroom around the time “goodbye hugs” are in order — it worked a couple weeks ago, but upper management is now back and I’ve been dreading the hugs all week.

        1. HugsAreNotTolerated*

          Yeah, having to hide in the bathroom to avoid mandatory hugs is not normal or okay. Given that this seems like a definite culture thing that’s going to be inescapable throughout the company I think your best choice is to get out. That said, I know not everybody has to option to leave quickly or easily so maybe try:
          -being on the phone when management comes by. One hopes they wouldn’t interrupt a call with a client to hug you!
          -Conveniently be taking a coffee/tea/smoke/facebook break away from your desk
          -Re-arrange furniture in your workspace so that it’s a little more difficult for people to get close enough. I’d put an extra chair in my cube and say it’s there for training purposes, or turn my desk around.
          -Take a step back when they go in for the hug and say, “I’m getting over something, best not to hug”.
          -Put up a ‘funny’ “No Hugs Zone” sign and lightheartedly point to it and laugh off the hug like “Whelp, the sign says no hugs, so I guess no hug for you today!”
          -Stay seated at your desk with your hands on the keyboard when they come around and just twist your body around to say a quick “Hello, nice to see you, I’m in the zone and gotta get back to this”. It’s kinda rude, but not as rude as having to endure unwanted hugs.
          – If it works in your office, instigate a Red/Green system where you have a green sign up when you’re available for questions, etc. and a Red Focused Work Mode sign when you’re busy and don’t want to be interrupted.
          Hope some of these help! Good luck!

          1. no hugs 4 me*

            Thank you very much for the suggestions! I might use one with some modification while I pray for another opportunity to come my way. Also, love the username!

            1. Totally Minnie*

              Do you have a sense for what would happen if they went in for a hug and you said “Oh, I’m not much of a hugger, actually. Can we (handshake/high-five/other thing you’d be cool with) instead?”

              1. no hugs 4 me*

                I have social anxiety, and I’m sorry if this doesn’t seem to make sense, but I genuinely doubt I could say that outloud when someone’s about to hug me :/

                1. Seeking Second Childhood*

                  Listen through ther podcasts to the one where it came up and chant along with Alison until you can channel her like an Oscar winning actress?

    38. sassypants*

      I think it depends on industry. I worked at a corporate office for a retail store and we did cheers once a month (but it was literally thousands of us) and it was a “pep-rally” type environment. In a “traditional” office setting I think it would be abnormal.

    39. Lil Sebastian*

      I work in a field that is very team focused and some people actually live where we work (I work in a residence/student services department at a college), and even I think the hugging is abnormal. I think I’ve only hugged or been hugged in very specific situations (e.g. was hugged by close coworkers when I announced a pregnancy, hugged a staff member who was very upset)…and I asked/was asked if a hug was ok first!

      1. Just wondering*

        I’m glad they asked! That is so rare. Especially toward pregnant women — people seem to think pregnant women’s bodies are community property. I like the shirt that Angela in The Office was given when she was pregnant that says “Ask Then Touch.”

    40. Diet Root Beer*

      Am I the only one who wouldn’t leave a job over this? Like, it’s dumb for sure but if you have to do three dumb things a day (and each dumb thing takes 2 seconds) for a job you otherwise like, that really doesn’t seem worth the hassle of finding a whole new job…I think people here are too quick to suggest just quitting over relatively minor annoyances.

      1. no hugs 4 me*

        Some things that other commenters are mentioning is accurate — There is very little respect or even acknowledgement of boundaries. I’ll find myself sending emails from 2 a.m. to 10 p.m. some days. For example, when I missed a Friday to get a restraining order against someone who assaulted me, HR asked what happened, expressed sympathy and then asked if I could come in on Saturday.

        I am an introvert who loves boundaries and doesn’t mind drawing a line, but it can feel like I’m doing that constantly.

        2. Batman*

          Oh, wow, that’s awful. Do you not have PTO or any sort of time off? I don’t know your workplace, but asking me to come in on a weekend is a no go for me.

          1. no hugs 4 me*

            Yes, we get PTO and sick days, and I used PTO the day of the hearing. Pretty much every time upper management is in town, we’re asked to work late/on the weekends just for the fun of it. I’ve never obliged and I feel bad for the ones who feel compelled to.

        3. Seeking Second Childhood*

          You didn’t ask but I’ll volunteer: “Sorry to hear about your being assaulted, but can you come in on the weekend ” = NOT NORMAL

      2. Laoise*

        I wouldn’t leave for dumb things or minor annoyances.

        But non-consensual physical intimacy is NOT a minor annoyance. Repeated and intentional physical intimacy without consent from superiors to employees is a serious issue.

        It might not be a thing you personally want to quit over — but it’s not a small issue because you happen to be okay with it.

        I’d stay in a job with the cheers and the greetings, even though I’d seriously hate it. I wouldn’t stay in a job where I was repeatedly intimately touched without my consent.

      3. Lavender Menace*

        Well, first of all, different things rise to different levels for folks. Required hugs violate all kinds of bodily autonomy and privacy norms. They’re not just mildly annoying or minor annoyances for the majority of people.

        But secondly, this is also about what these kinds of behaviors signifies – a weird, culty culture that ends up expecting unreasonable loyalty or workloads from employees because they are “family.”

    42. Light37*

      Your family can’t suspend you or fire you. Your company can. Do not let them confuse the two.

    47. Burned Happy Helper*

      GTFO-they are crazies. +1 on the other comment mentioning how they’ll exploit your emotions and then lay you off without warning. I also was in a company like this, and they did something else: upper management was too dumb to figure out department goals/strategy type stuff so they’d ask us all for “feedback” since we were all “closer to the work than them”. I gave a lot of pretty good strategy and planning consulting (my 1-1’s were more like advice sessions) but once things changed and I lost touch with the flow of the happenings in the business (through their decision to move me into another dept) I was demoted in a particularly public and nasty way. Watch out and shop the ol’ resume around!

    48. Coder von Frankenstein*

      On a scale of “normal” to “not normal,” this is approximately OMGWTF.

    50. Onyx*

      The “hi” and “bye” thing is more normal, I’ve had colleagues get really bent out of shape over that. It’s an unwritten cultural expectation though, a meeting is too far.

      The rest? No.No. No.

  5. Stuart Minionh*

    How common is it for employers to reimburse for interview expenses when the interview is 1-2 hours away by car? The mileage isn’t too far, but it’s one metro area to another.

    2. Not a Real Giraffe*

      I don’t think it’s very common. You presumably applied to this job knowing that yo’d have to travel for the interview and factored that into your decision to apply. I think companies that reimburse for travel are typically doing so for very senior roles or very niche fields.

      1. Anon for now*

        In my field I would never assume I would have to pay my own way to an interview. If I did that would be a major red flag. So it’s a know your industry thing.

        1. cmcinnyc*

          In my industry it is almost unheard-of for any kind of interview reimbursement except at the highest leadership levels. Definitely know your industry.

        2. AvonLady Barksdale*

          Even if it’s a town/city within commuting distance? I’m thinking about the DC Metro area; if I worked in Maryland but was interviewing for a company based in Virginia for which I wouldn’t have to move house, I wouldn’t think to ask for mileage reimbursement or Uber fare or anything. In my experience, if the presumption is that I could commute to the job from my current home, it’s on me to get to the interview.

          Very curious what field always pays for interview-related expenses!

          1. Cephie*

            When I was in college in a Maryland suburb of DC, both companies that I interviewed with in a Virginia suburb offered me mileage reimbursement! But those were software engineering jobs and I was a student, so I would definitely believe that was unusual.

    3. ThatGirl*

      I’ve driven all over Chicagoland for interviews and never been reimbursed, nor for train tickets downtown. But they may be deductible on your taxes if you itemize.

      1. Jamie*

        I once got my parking validated at an interview downtown but otherwise I’ve never heard of it. (also Chicago area)

        1. ThatGirl*

          Yeah, I could see parking validation – I have had that happen – but never reimbursement for mileage, tolls, CTA/Metra ticket or anything like that.

      2. Natalie*

        Not any longer, unfortunately – all miscellaneous deductions (the ones subject to the 2% floor) were suspended as part of the tax bill last year.

        1. ThatGirl*

          ah, never mind then. I didn’t pay much attention to that because I didn’t have anything like that to deduct this year.

    4. Anonym*

      In my ~15 years of professional life, I’ve never heard of mileage being reimbursed for an interview, for what that’s worth.

      1. your favorite person*

        I have, exactly one time. It was actually for my very first professional interview. I was interviewing with an NPO from (technically) out of state. It was a four hour drive and they had me for two in-person interviews and I was mileage for both.

    5. Emmie*

      I have not heard of this before. Asking for reimbursement would raise red flags because the company may already be worried that the commute is too much for you, or that you will not move for the position.

    6. CupcakeCounter*

      I’ve had expenses like that reimbursed one time when the position was local but for some reason the interview had to be at a different location (same state but a few hours round trip).

    7. Akcipitrokulo*

      Not really normal. It’s never been offered when I’ve been interviewing.

      Mind you, I’d take it if it were :)

      1. Akcipitrokulo*

        (Couple of weeks back I travelled from near London to Glasgow for interview. About 500 miles. No reimbursement discussed or expected.)

            1. SebbyGrrl*

              OMG! I love you BOTH so much right now!

              I’m in a weird place where AAM is kinda my ‘office time’ and right now I adore my coworkers!

        2. Michaela*

          Similarly for me, except it was Canberra to Melbourne and around 700km.

          I did get peeved when I got there, and found out that the hiring managers did not expect me to travel, and it was just what their HR had decided. They’re currently doing background and reference checks at the moment, so there’s a fair chance I’m going to get an offer, which will probably make me less annoyed.

    8. Annastasia von Beaverhausen*

      I think if you would have to move to accept the job, getting reimbursed for travel expenses is normal. If you would just have a long commute, it’s not.

      1. AvonLady Barksdale*

        That’s exactly the measure I would use. My partner was reimbursed for mileage when he drove four hours to an interview (that they would have flown him in for, but he offered to drive because of an expedited timeline), but he won’t be reimbursed when he drives 20 minutes away for another interview.

        1. londonedit*

          That’s what I was going to say. Going on my own experience here, a 1-hour commute into central London from the outer boroughs where most people live isn’t uncommon, and even a 90-minute or 2-hour commute really isn’t unheard of, as plenty of people live in suburban towns and catch the train to the city to work. You wouldn’t expect to be reimbursed for travel to an interview if that journey was going to end up being your normal everyday commute. If you were moving to a different city, or for some reason the interview was at a different and out-of-the-way location from the one you’d be regularly working at, then I think most companies would reimburse travel costs.

      2. JR*

        In general, I agree with this, though I also think it’s normal not to reimburse for travel if they aren’t doing a national search. If they are expecting their interview pool to come from their area and you just happen to be applying because you want to move to their area? Not on them to pay for the interview. If they are conducting a national (or regional) search because they don’t think they find what they’re looking for in the local area, or if they proactively recruit you? Definitely on them to pay for travel.

    9. Ruth (UK)*

      I think it varies by region and job type. Here (I work in admin at a uni) they reimburse a lot of interview expenses for academic posts but generally not admin or tech ones. Driving 1-2 hours is generally considered less normal by UK people than US people though.

      In conclusion, I don’t think it would be very normal and isn’t something a think a candidate should ask for but I wouldn’t be wildly shocked if a company offered it.

    10. CTT*

      I think this is field-specific, because I was going to say “very common” but judging by everyone else’s comments that’s not standard. FWIW, if you’re travelling for a law firm interview, they’ll reimburse you, at least if it’s a medium or larger firm.

    11. Escapee from Corporate Management*

      Generally not normal. The exception may be for areas where parking options are very expensive parking (e.g., midtown Manhattan or San Francisco Financial District) where you may get your parking reimbursed, but no the mileage.

    12. Alara*

      In my large company, we look at the distance between your residence and the interview facility, and reimburse if it falls outside of a certain range. This seems normal to me.

    13. Catsaber*

      I don’t see 1-2 hours away as really significant travel, so I would not reimburse a candidate for expenses. We have some people who have 1 hour+ commutes and they aren’t reimbursed either.

      I work for a state university, and there are strict rules about reimbursement, but I don’t think this would be common even in private companies, simply because that length of a drive isn’t really seen as “travel”. If it was several hours, or included an overnight stay, then there might be more reason for reimbursement.

    14. kittymommy*

      My inclination is that it is uncommon even for higher up positions (my employer certainly wouldn’t do it).

    15. Anonymous Poster*

      Varies by field. I’ve worked in one field where mileage would have been paid, and in another where travel for interviews is not reimbursed.

    16. Asenath*

      At my level, never. I suspect that even at higher level jobs, where reimbursement is the norm, they’d only pay it if the applicant was coming from much further away.

    17. AnotherJill*

      For academic positions, where it is most common for applicants to come from out of town, most universities will also reimburse local mileage expenses, just to treat everyone in the exact same way.

    19. DouDou Paille*

      I’ve been working in various fields for 25 years and have never had an employer pay for interview travel expenses unless they flew me there and put me up in a hotel. I recently drove three hours across my state for an interview and even stayed overnight in an AirBnb, but never dreamed of asking them for reimbursement. For context, it’s a mid-level position (not c-suite) and the industry is marketing-adjacent, so this is normal, IMO. If you want the job, sometimes you have to suck up some expenses.

    20. Adalind*

      Not common. My previous coworker had about a 3 hour commute (round trip due to traffic). If you are coming in for an interview then you have a reasonable expectation that this commute is okay for you. My coworker knew what he was getting into and they would never have dreamed of reimbursing for an interview. Maybe could claim on taxes once hired? I can imagine higher positions where you have to travel further distances may reimburse. Or as others said, may depend on the field.

    21. ginkgo*

      Interestingly, I have an interview next week with a tech company in Silicon Valley (I’m in SF – it’s probably an hour drive) that will reimburse for rideshare (Uber/Lyft), but not for mileage if you drive. I don’t think the distance matters per se, but I’m guessing they offer this as a way to avoid excluding candidates who live in SF and don’t have a car, since it’d otherwise be difficult/expensive to make it to the interview (whereas once they’re in, they’d get to use the fancy company shuttle).

      I also interviewed with the corporate office of one of the rideshare companies last year (within the same city), and they gave me a coupon for a free ride to/from the office with their service. Though that was more “look how great we are!”

      So it’s not unheard of in tech, but probably still not the norm.

    22. smoke tree*

      I’ve never been offered reimbursement for driving, or even for taking a ferry to an interview, although that may be industry-specific. I would only really expect it for a flight, and even then I suspect not all employers could afford it.

    23. designbot*

      Interview expenses vary greatly by field in the first place. In design, it’s abnormal to be reimbursed at all, even for a cross country flight, until you get to Director level.

    24. Ra94*

      In my industry (graduate law jobs in the UK), firms would always offer to reimburse all travel expenses- anything from a bus ticket to a plane fare- up to £60-100. This was for full-day assessments, though, and it’s part of a big push to increase access- with the idea of attracting talented students from around the country who might be looking at a very expensive train fare.

    25. Pomona Sprout*

      I’ve been reimbursed for travel experiences only in the case of interviews that were far enough away to involve an overnight stay. If it’s only couple hours away? Not gonna happen. Hope this helps.

    26. Emilitron*

      There’s a boundary between “local candidate” and “bringing a candidate in” that seems to be defined by whether you were staying overnight. If they’re reimbursing you for a hotel room, then drive mileage or transit cost is also reimbursed. I’ve heard new employees at my suburban workplace complain about this; urban graduates aren’t going to have a car, we’re barely accessible by public transit (2hrs for 20 miles), uber-etc can run $50 each way, and the company doesn’t reimburse local candidates for anything.

    27. Moonstorm*

      I have never heard of being reimbursed for driving. I work in an office setting. If you have to fly out, however, they should reimburse you.

    28. quirkypants*

      It’s not normal in my industry (tech, in Canada) for only a couple hours of driving.

      Reimbursement happens from time to time for LONGER distances (i.e. if you must fly or take a non-commute train) AND,
      – You’ve been recruited/sought out by them, or,
      – You’re very senior, or,
      – You’re a very difficult to recruit for role.

      If you applied to a job, I’d assume you would get yourself to the interview in all but very extreme cases (that said, I don’t hire for very senior roles).

    29. PoliLaw Wonk*

      Lawyer here–one super niche consideration–if you’re coming from the government space and moving into the private sector, depending on what jurisdiction you work for, you may not be able to accept the travel reimbursement from a private company, because it might considered a personal gift. This is especially true if the private company is a vendor or a lobbyist employer. A lot of jurisdictions exempt these types of expenditures from the ethics/gift restrictions–but I’ve had to nix reimbursements for interview expenses on behalf of some current gov employees.

  6. Detective Rosa Diaz*

    I worked for a company that wanted me to use my personal cell phone for calls for them but did not pay any portion of the bill. I refused. Soon after I was fired for “not being a team player” – personally, I think equipment should be provided if it is necessary for my job, or if you want me to use my personal device (and have random clients have my PERSONAL number) then you should pay for it. Am I wrong?

    1. gecko*

      I’d say you’re not wrong, but it is pretty normal for companies to have sloppy and bad BYOD policies.

      1. designbot*

        +1 to this. I’ve never worked somewhere that paid for employee cell phones below the Partner level. And we ALL have our email on here, and we’re on the phone with contractors all the time.

        1. AnnaBananna*

          Yah, but that’s email via an app. So the client still doesn’t have your personal info. And I imagine the need to check said email isn’t constant but when you have a super important deadline, correct? So that’s kind of self-selecting instead of going into the office early and starting email from there.

          1. designbot*

            Contractors call me and wake me up at 6am. Clients call me at 7:30 at night. My boss texts me on the weekends. If I tried to opt out I would be making things much, much more difficult for everyone.

    2. Environmental Compliance*

      I don’t think so. I would be rather alarmed to have my personal cell available (and then presumably at any time of the day or night) to any random client. I have always, even at teeny poor county departments, been issued a Work Cell if I am needed to be reachable by work-related entities via not-desk-phone.

      1. CustServGirl*

        I don’t have a work cell, and while many of my colleagues use their personal devices for work, there are very few select people I give my personal number to for work use- all outside clients MUST use business email or my office line. I will not put myself in a position where I have my entire work world calling or texting me at all hours for information.

        1. Amy Farrah Fowler*

          Yes, absolutely this! One thing my work has is an app that runs our work phone. Generally I use it via the work laptop i have, but if the internet goes down at home since I’m 100% remote, I can make and take calls through my work line on my cell phone. It has saved me on a couple occasions, but I only use it if the internet is down.

          I would never make a work call from my cell phone number. Nope nope nope.

      2. AnnaBananna*

        Yup. I don’t need to be butt or drunk dialed by a client on the weekend. Nope nope nope.

    4. Book Badger, Attorney-at-Claw*

      I’d worry not so much about the money, but security – in my office, we’re highly discouraged from calling clients on our phones and told to get a Google Voice number if we absolutely must, so that random people don’t have our numbers. That a company wouldn’t offer even that workaround sounds like they don’t care for your safety.

      1. Exceler*

        In my experience, its not normal to be that concerned about security when you’re calling clients. Of course, that depends on what kind of clients you work with.

        1. Book Badger, Attorney-at-Claw*

          Well, for us “clients” mean “people we’re offering legal help to,” and so the safety factor is in giving your personal number to people who might be upset at a potential legal outcome, especially if the reason they need legal help is because they lack self-control, respect for boundaries, or an understanding of appropriate behavior.

          But it’s not necessarily a physical safety thing – what if a client keeps calling at odd hours, or multiple times per day? What if a client misuses that personal number to ask you out on dates? And what about a generalized separation of work and personal time? Those are also all reasons to not give out your personal number.

        2. Ra94*

          As a young woman, I can’t think of a job where I *would* feel completely safe giving out my personal number to strangers.

      2. 8DaysAWeek*

        This is what I was going to suggest if you were forced to use your own phone. I have a google voice number for people who I don’t want to have my real number.

        But to answer the original question, if it is a large company especially, I don’t think this is normal. At my company though, you have to be a certain level (director and above) to be issued a company cell phone or have your personal phone bill reimbursed.

    5. r2g*

      I think this is normal, unfortunately, especially in younger companies — I’ve had to do this at two jobs in a row, and now have an office phone but am expected to use my personal phone for calls as needed. I work in marketing.

      My husband is a civil engineer at a more established company and is expected to be on calls far more frequently than me (with contractors, clients, co-workers, etc), and his company reimburses for phone use. He’s expected to use his own phone, though they offer incentives to offset phone costs.

    6. Drax*

      not normal. Not not normal. When I said I didn’t want to use my phone for work, the agreement I got was my bosses/ coworkers could contact me but no customers and that was fair.

      when I was required to be on call constantly, they gave me a phone.

    7. Eleanor Shellstrop*

      Normal, my company heavily pushes BYOD (and if you accept it, you incur the costs), but you can choose to have a company provided device

    8. That Girl From Quinn's House*

      Yeah this is pretty normal, that you use your own device for calls and emails without reimbursement.

    9. AliasMace*

      This has happened to me – generally a sign that the workplace in question has poor personal/professional boundaries. This is not standard practice at companies that have their shit together.

    10. Jamie*

      I agree with you – this is one of my pet peeves actually…but it’s crazy common.

      As IT I fought this at more than one company and my little wins of getting people company phones or reimbursement for their personal usage made me happy … although made some of tptb think I was a rabble rousing pita.

    11. Wendy Darling*

      Also chiming in with “not uncommon but also not great”.

      I use my personal number for work stuff because I work from home so I don’t have a desk phone and we basically never use phones – I think I’ve gotten all of 3 work calls in 18 months and they were all coworkers. I’m kind of wanting to take my cell number out of my email signature though because if a client ever called me I would actually die.

    12. Mockingjay*

      Did the company provide a landline or VOIP phone?

      If so, requiring you to use your cell is NOT normal, unless your role involves calls outside business hours. In that case, they should pay at least a portion of your phone bill. And the landline or VOIP number can be forwarded to your cell, so the number appearing is a company number.

      If no, requiring to use your cell without compensation is NOT normal.

    13. Ann Furthermore*

      I worked for a company that did this too, and I found it really annoying. It was a small company though, and they did a lot of corner-cutting stuff like that. We also used the free version of Skype for IM’ing, and had to rely on the crappy internet provided by the landlord because it was included with the rent and the owner didn’t want to spend the money to get something better. At a software company, of all things. Much of the time I felt like I was working for a company being run out of someone’s mom’s basement.

      I now work for another small company, about the same size as that one (around 50 employees). We are expected to use our cell phones for some stuff (dual authentication and so on), but there is a VOIP system that we use for calls, and we have Microsoft Teams (similar to Slack) for inter-office communications and IM’ing. It’s much more professional and above-board.

      So yeah, there are companies that choose to shift alot of the costs of running a business onto their employees, so it’s not abnormal, but it is a crappy way to run a company.

      1. TootsNYC*

        I think asking you to use your personal cell phone for dual authentication is reasonable and you shouldn’t need to be reimbursed for it.
        But if they want you to use your personal phone, I think they should be paying you SOMEthing toward your monthly bill. Even if your costs don’t go up. They’re saving money by piggybacking on your personal expenditures.

        So it might not be uncommon, but it’s Not Cool.

        (and yes, a Google Voice number, and don’t forget that you can turn GV’s forwarding on and off, so that after-work calls go to a voicemail)

    14. Aveline*

      If you do this, remember you might be able to claim it on your taxes. In some cases you can’t, but I’ve had friends do it successfully.

      1. CAA*

        Unfortunately, the deduction for unreimbursed job expenses was eliminated by the Tax Cuts & Jobs Act.

    15. Juniantara*

      This is not uncommon at smaller, less security-minded companies. Depending on a bunch of details, they can make you provide your own “tools” and you can deduct the costs on your taxes.
      If you are non-exempt, they would have to pay you for any time you took calls. If you are exempt (“salary”) you don’t really have a lot of recourse.

    16. Aunt Piddy*

      It’s increasingly common but it SUCKS. Corporations shouldn’t offload overhead to their employees.

      If this comes up again, though, get a google voice number.

    17. Observer*

      You are right – and in some places what happened to you was illegal. But, where it is legal it is way too common.

    18. Cringing 24/7*

      I’ve refused to use my personal cell phone for work purposes before. Especially in customer service, where I work, that just opens you up to the opportunity for so much abuse from customers at obscene hours of the day (or, likely, night) when you’re not getting paid. But, I have seen others in my industry – even in my company – using their personal cell phones to reach out to customers via text or call and it baffles me. So, I’d say it’s somewhat common but obviously poor practice. Higher-levels in my industry typically get a separate work cell phone from the company that’s paid for by the company.

    19. Keyboarding Queen*

      I work at a company that at first provided a landline. But then the leases on the VOIP phones expired and they opted not to renew. Now, we get an extra $90/month (however that is before taxes and 401(k) deferrals are deducted) to defray communications costs and they even suggested a few paid services that will give you a number that you can forward to your personal phone. I opted for Google Voice because it is free. That’s the number that I give to the client and as far as they know it is my “work” number as opposed to a cell number and I’m therefore only available during normal business hours.

    20. No real name here*

      I worked for a company that provided no device but did provide some flat reimbursement across the board. I used a Google Voice number because I didn’t want clients having my personal number, and it worked really well. It allows for a different voicemail message and to set the GV number to “do not disturb.” (For me, it got put in this mode after business hours, I was expected to be reachable during the day but not other times.) I highly recommend this for anyone who finds themselves in a similar boat.

    21. MicroManagered*

      My employer has started putting a blurb into offer letters that says something like “your salary acknowledges that your position may require occasional use of your personal cell phone or laptop.”

      The idea is that it’s 2019, so it’s not outrageous that you would be expected to use your cell phone to check email, or we have the Skype for Business app that allows us to use the company IM or even take phone calls (to our business number, which ring through to the cell), or to send or receive internal texts or calls to our personal numbers (like from the boss).

      But I would think that if they are expecting you give out a cell phone number to external parties (like clients), they should provide the phone.

    22. cmcinnyc*

      I was going to say “not normal” but reading comments, apparently it is! At my job it is *strongly* discouraged using one’s personal device for anything because a lot of our work is subject to FOIA laws–and that could open up your personal device to being FOIA-ed. NOBODY wants that. So besides the cost and the boundary, I’d consider if there might be legal hassles as well. I guess this is in the “normal but crappy” category.

    23. Jadelyn*

      Nope, I’m with you on this one. My org used to do cell phone reimbursement, and they’ve just recently restricted it to only upper management. So I uninstalled all of the programs I was using for work on my phone. I’m not donating my devices to my employer.

      Re the personal number thing, that part you might be able to get around by using a Google Voice number or something. But I still agree that use of the device, phone number sharing aside, is something they should pay for.

    24. TootsNYC*

      also, if you’re at work, you can install an app on your computer that lets you make calls from it instead of a phone.

      I haven’t found anything about receiving phone calls on the computer; there’s a reference to “PC to PC” calls, but if the person calling you is calling from a phone, G.V. may not work.

      HOWEVER, you could set G.V. up so all the calls go to voicemail, and then call back using your computer.

      1. Harvey 6-3.5*

        I don’t know about google voice, but my work phone is a VOIP on my computer. I can call and receive calls over the line (and it is the same number I had before I teleworked.

    25. MoopySwarpet*

      I don’t think the firing part is normal, but using a personal device for work is pretty normal. Without reimbursement . . . I would think that’s less common, but not unheard of.

      We reimburse phone bills for people we expect to be using their phone (sales people, mostly), but not for an employee who chooses to communicate via text or their personal phone vs email or their desk phone.

      If it comes up in the future, maybe you could use a google voice number or something similar that masks your personal number.

    26. Asenath*

      I have never worked for a company that required me to provide my own equipment. That being said, some of my co-workers do use their personal cell phones at work, even though this is not required by the employer. They just find it more convenient (we are often trying to contact co-workers who aren’t at desks). I don’t do that, and stick to my company-supplied computer and email. I see too many disadvantages to using my personal cell phone for work.

    27. Just Another Techie*

      Shitty but pretty common, IME, especially at smaller companies and newer companies.

    28. Renee*

      My company has a unique way of using personal devices. I work from home three days out of the week, and when anyone in the office wants to call me they dial my work phone, and anytime my work phone is dialed it is also routed to my personal cell phone. This way I don’t have to give out my personal number, everyone still calls me using my work number. My company does reimburse for minutes, but it’s hard to do the reimbursement because you don’t really know how many minutes are going to work calls, so you just have to guestimate.

    29. Bookwormish51*

      Not that strange. At my job, all employees have everyone’s cell numbers. This is a job with things that occasionally need to be done outside of work hours and that’s just part of the deal. We only have a few clients, and many of us give our own clients our phone numbers, but it’s optional.

    30. Xtina*

      Not normal. Our company has a really strict cell phone policy for hourly employees. If you use your personal cell phone (call or text) for company business, you MUST file for reimbursement. You can actually get written up if you don’t.

    32. Yet another Kat*

      Medium normal. I have always used my own phone for work calls/emails/texts/slack etc.

      In one place that I worked, they instituted a new security requirement that forced us to have a specific corporate-overlord work email account (not actually used by our team) on our personal phones that came with a security program that would technically allow work IT to access/lock/erase my device – in that case I pushed back and was then reimbursed for my phone bill (along with the rest of my team) for the rest of our tenure there.

    33. Wintermute*

      This very much depends who you are calling, what industry you are in and what your role is. Sadly it’s becoming more and more common for companies to require your own device to be used and not reimburse anything (for what it’s worth in places, California notably, this is not legal), but there are places, like sales, where this is very much NOT the norm. Reason being severalfold but first they don’t want you being the sole point of contact they want it being a corporate desk number clients have in case you get hit by a bus tomorrow (or leave for a competitor, because a client calling YOU could be argued to be an exception to anti-poaching contract clauses), as well as salespeople not wanting clients calling them up any time, and the company not wanting things like warranty calls or complaints to just go to some employee’s cell.

      Otherwise, pretty much normal. Google voice numbers are a beautiful thing, and can be forwarded to your cell so you’re not giving all and sundry your personal number (they can also be set NOT to forward but to voicemail all calls outside certain hours or when you’re on vacation).

    34. kay*

      I get so annoyed that at my work they don’t cover anyone’s phone bill, but have mandatory 2-factor authentication on all university systems required to do work, thus you must have a smartphone. MY smartphone. To do my job. There are authentication devices available but only to those who legitimately don’t have a cell phone. Of course, I have one, and after some pushback and asking about other options I use it. But I think it really stinks.

      1. bleh*

        I would have lied about having a cell phone. My Uni requires two-factor authorization too, and I got one of the fobs for the purpose. My phone is none-of-their-business.

    35. Mel*

      It’s totally normal for companies to want your coworkers to be able to reach you on your cell and maybe even expect you to be willing to chat with vendors on your cell, but not to have clients call you. I knew people who did give select clients their cell, but they wouldn’t just have it available to anyone.

    36. c56*

      You’re in the right here IMO. It’s not out of the ordinary for companies to have BYOD policies, or make use of personal devices a required part of the job — mine recently started requiring the use of an app for a sometimes-essential job function, and I’m not thrilled about it — but being expected to give clients your personal number would be a bridge too far for me.

    37. Someone Else*

      I would call this one “common but not normal”. The distinction I’m making being it is a widespread bad practice, and you are not unreasonable for pushing back, but I’m also not shocked they reacted the way they did. I think it’s well within reason to consider this type of thing a “you don’t want to work there anyway” factor, but moving forward you may want to confirm device policies during the interview process so you know they’re a bad fit sooner.

      1. Someone Else*

        Sorry to tack on to that: BYOD with some form of reimbursement, depending on context is reasonable to me. It’s the complete lack thereof and the “clients have your personal number” bit that makes this one cross the line to me.

    38. nora*

      You’re not wrong. However, if you have no choice but to use your own phone, learn from my fail and get a Google Voice number (they’re free). I once gave my phone number to a volunteer with severe mental health concerns that were normally under control. Then they got out of control and…yeah. This was 4ish years ago and there are still activist groups I can’t be a part of because that person is a member and I’m afraid to interact with her again.

    39. MissDisplaced*

      If it were just so your manager or coworkers could contact you outside of normal business hours occasionally, I’d say this is now a normal BYOD expectation.
      But if the phone is expected for client calls, or for monitoring social media, PR or other marcom functions the company ought to pay.

    40. Bethany*

      Piggybacking on to this, is it normal to have to use your personal mobile device for two-factor authentication purposes? I left my phone at home on Monday and was unable to use some of the software at work because I needed a verification code texted to me.

    41. JSPA*

      Good reason to get a low cost (even, flip phone and/or burn phone with limited minutes) second “own” phone. (What are they going to do, shame you for it?)

    42. A Scrummy Manager*

      Jumping on the somewhat normal, but not cool bandwagon.

      A few options:
      Google Voice
      MySudo
      Cheap separate phone (Mint Mobile, Ting, etc)

    43. Glitsy Gus*

      You are not wrong, but as others have said it is common.

      One option that I have used in the past is to use call forwarding from my desk phone. So, outside of business hours, my desk phone auto-forwards to my cell. That way clients still only know my work number but I don’t miss important calls. If your system can do this, I would see if it’s an alternative. I do get a few more robo-calls than I normally might, but the trade of of not having my personal number being spread around willy nilly is worth it.

    44. Onyx*

      Sucky, but pretty normal in smaller companies.

      My personal view on this is bosses and colleagues can have my personal number to discuss work-related things but clients do not unless you’re giving me a phone. Like others have said, a Google number can be useful for number privacy.

      There’s also IT security issues to think about. My company has a policy that if you have a work-related app (like email/pm app etc) on your personal phone, they have a right to go into your phone in the event of legal discovery and even wipe it if necessary. That’s a nope from me.

  7. BurnOut*

    I’ve only been out of school for a few years, and on job #2, but both have been subpar, this current role being the worst of the 2.

    I’ve been severely overworked, starting from when I was pretty much forced to take on senior responsibilities early on in my role ( still doing so, with no adjustments in compensation). My supervisor seems to think the only way I can grow professionally is to add MORE to my plate (and conversations I’ve had asked her to lessen my workload so I can have breathing room and avoid burnout have gone terribly wrong). So much of my time is already spoken for, yet there is an expectancy whenever there is an issue, as someone on the bottom of the food chain, that I’ll find the time and motivation to initiate a full-blown investigation to save the day. Every time. Oh, and with a smile on my face. Any attempt to ask for help/ make things easier for myself have blown up in my face, meanwhile when I bring up needing a salary adjustment/ more help/ all I get are excuses from my supervisor and even higher up the chain of command.

    While I think there are plenty of us who have a lot to juggle, is a HUGE disconnect between what I am and the general experience… What is most challenging about my current situation is my company keeps winning these awards for best place to work in our metro area. I keep telling myself if this was true, I’d know it. You don’t tell someone this is the best place to work- you feel it. But all I feel is taken advantage of.

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Can you be more specific about what the piece is where you want to know if it’s normal? (I want to avoid this becoming people just posting the reasons they dislike their job.)

    2. AccountantWendy*

      Find an new job. I’ve been you. It’s not going to get better. Alison has a LOT of advice on how to talk to managers about priorities. If you read that and tried it and aren’t getting results, it’s definitely time to leave.

    3. CupcakeCounter*

      I have actually encountered something like this and (after leaving) realized that the department was bad, not the company as a whole. I knew people who loved working there and stayed there nearly all of their careers and brought in their kids as interns and some of them eventually got jobs there. Meanwhile my department had over 50% turnover each year with the exception of one small segment that was sort of its own little island.
      Your company may be great for 90% of the employees but you got stuck with the shit-show of a manager/team.

    4. Meraydia*

      In some ways normal (development trial by fire is common in a lot of companies). The awards are not shocking – IME Companies pay for entry and as long as they meet the metrics and provide florid descriptions of their wonderful work culture they can win them easily.

      1. Busy*

        Yeah I feel like you gotta side eye these. I mean who are the people responding? It is so arbitrary.

    5. BurnOut*

      Thank you for those who have commented- I’m just trying to gauge if its normal for me to be so miserable in a place that is supposedly “the best of the best’? Where do I go from here?! I don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. It looks like evaluating the team/ manager style would be the best thing for me to keep in mind as I try to escape from this torture!

      I appreciate the advice and care

      1. CupcakeCounter*

        Time to look elsewhere. During the interview process, ask to speak to some people who would be your coworkers to get an idea of working styles as well as ask a few discreet questions about their favorite and least favorite parts of working there. Try to have that talk without the manager present for a slightly more candid response.
        If that isn’t possible but you met a few people and got names, reach out via LinkedIn with some of those questions. You might even start with that since even without a manager present they might be more frank in a more anonymous setting.

      2. Asenath*

        It is normal (well, in the sense that it’s not totally bizarre) to be miserable in a workplace that other people find the best of the best – it might be that you’re ill-suited to the job, or that your department is the exception and the rest of the company is much better-run. It’s not normal, in another sense of “normal”. Most people are not miserable all the time on the job. If you are miserable, you can certainly look for a transfer within the company (in case the other departments are what gives them their reputation) or elsewhere.

      3. NowWhat??*

        Oh no. If they’re marketing themselves as “the best of the best” then that’s a red flag in my book. However, if they’re considered “best of the best” in the industry, that’s a different story.

        It’s not normal. But it also may just be not the right fit for you. In the past, I’ve seen a few of my colleagues in the same role as me get flustered and overwhelmed with a typical amount of work for the role, and asked that their load be lessened. I’ve also been the person given extra projects or emergencies since they thought “you’re low, you must have the bandwidth!” Though it was maybe a once a month occurrence that interrupted my work for a day, not constantly.

        When I interview (both for my own positions and prospective employees) I always ask people about their communication style. I feel it tells more about their management style than asking that question directly, as you’ll learn if they are someone who wants you to come to them with problems, or if they’re very independent and want others to behave similarly. It’s gotten me away from some bad managers and some potentially bad employees/coworkers.

      4. Glitsy Gus*

        If your company has any kind of company-wide social events you could go and actively try to talk to folks outside your department and get a feel for how they like working for the company or if they feel overburdened. Be discreet, but most folks the these events get pretty candid after a few drinks and it’ll at least give you a better idea whether the whole company is this way or if you just have a crap manager or a uniquely overburdened department.

        I don’t know if it will actually help you improve your personal situation, but if it is just your manager and there’s another department you might like to work for it at least gives you the option of seeing if a transfer is possible. If it’s everywhere in the company you can move on without hesitation.

      5. Argh!*

        It’s “normal” to be overworked from time to time, and in some kinds of work you pay your dues in the beginning. If this isn’t that kind of job, then you’re being exploited.

        It may well be a great place to work… in other departments. A lot depends on your boss. (Truism: People don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses)

      6. Frankie*

        I think overwork situations can unfortunately be “normal,” but that doesn’t mean you need to accept it or tolerate it. There are plenty of places that don’t expect this of their employees.

        Also–the “best of the best” doesn’t mean it’s the best fit for everyone, doesn’t mean every department is great (I’ve worked for nightmare departments in otherwise great companies), etc.

        My last job was a crazy overwork situation and for me, it never got better–leadership simply didn’t want to adjust expectations to reality, and the end result was employees with horrible burnout. In my experience, you can gain skills fast in this kind of environment but you’ll pay a price, and the hope that things will change is usually futile.

    6. Detective Amy Santiago*

      Sadly, this is more common than it should be.

      From my own experience in a position where I was expected to essentially perform 2 full time jobs, I would encourage you to start looking at other options. The fact that your company is full of sycophants who have drunk the koolaid and are skewing those award results should not be a factor in your decision making process.

  8. Jennifer*

    My employer offers employees the opportunity to wear jeans every day if we donate $50 to charity. They select four different charities each quarter, we vote, and the winner receives all the donations. This past time the winner was a charity I don’t really want to support. Is this normal? I’d never heard of this before. I don’t really feel I’m being treated unfairly since I just have to dress according to the required dress code, which I agreed to do when I was hired. But again, I’ve never heard of it and it seems unusual.

    1. Lionelrichiesclayhead*

      Yes, it’s normal for companies to do a horrible job with organizing charitable donations.

      3. Jadelyn*

        Yeah, this – although, if it’s a charity you have serious objections to, you might be able to raise that with someone depending on the charity and your organizational culture.

        A few years ago, my team wanted to do some charity stuff for Xmas, and someone proposed we work with the Salvation Army. I put my foot down and explained that they are virulently anti-gay, they once allowed a trans woman to freeze to death rather than let her into their shelters, and I will never ever do anything to support them, so if they wanted to do that, I was not going to participate. My organization prides itself on diversity and inclusion, and the suggestion was made out of ignorance, so as soon as I explained why I objected everyone agreed we wouldn’t do anything with them, and the coworker who had suggested it apologized (I wasn’t mad at her, most straight people don’t know about this stuff, but she felt bad anyway).

        Dunno if this is a similar situation at your place, but is there someone you could talk to and explain why you’re not comfortable supporting the specific charity they’ve picked?

        1. Jennifer*

          There is, but it’s a bit different from your situation because I don’t think the organization is hateful, it’s just that I’ve heard from people that are more familiar with them that most of the money doesn’t go to help the people in need, it goes in their pockets. But that’s a good suggestion, thanks.

          1. 8DaysAWeek*

            I worked for a company that was a big supporter of a charity that didn’t use all the funds for the cause, too. They pushed automatic payroll deductions and donations to wear jeans, etc. If there were days where you could pay $5 to wear jeans, I would sometimes do that but I didn’t do the larger donations because I didn’t fully support this charity and I already contributed to charities that had meaning for me. Financially my charity money was already allocated.
            I think you can not participate and if anyone gives you a hard time you can say you already donate to other charities.

          2. Jadelyn*

            Ah. That is slightly different – but I think you could still raise it with whoever is picking the charities for people to vote on. Maybe suggest they use Charity Navigator or Guidestar to vet their choices before opening up voting next time?

          3. Wintermute*

            I think it takes a pretty extreme case of “this charity doesn’t match our corporate values” rather than just a charity that’s mismanaged. For what it’s worth people have a lot of misconceptions about how to read an expense report, some fields and places it takes a lot of overhead money to do good effectively. It’s one thing to expect a 90% disbursement rate from a local support charity, but if it’s an international charity doing complex work it’s not uncommon for there to be a lot of overhead– for example a charity for vaccinations in impoverished areas is going to need to hire international shipping logistics experts with a specialty in medical who don’t work on the cheap, in many cases they must pay bribes to local governments (often creatively hidden elsewhere on their budget) so their supplies aren’t confiscated for sale by some corrupt official and for the safety of their employees from violence, they have to pay local guides and experts to build bridges to the community and make the largest possible impact for their resources, etc.

              1. Wintermute*

                That’s very fair, I just thought it worth pointing out because a lot of people put a ton of stock in the overhead percentage not realizing some kinds of charity, that do real good, have legitimate overhead requirements: there’s a gulf of difference between Medicins San Frontiers and Susan G. Komen (though MSF is nowhere NEAR as high for overhead and that says a lot given what they do requires getting people into war zones with medical supplies)

            2. JR*

              Thanks for raising this! I also think high(-ish) salaries aren’t necessarily an indication as of mismanagement, but can instead mean they’re investing in their people and recruiting great people with lots of options. Dan Pallota and Vu Le have both done some great work in this area.

          4. Maria*

            When you say “their pockets”, does that mean they pay their people well? NP executive over here grateful that I make enough to do good work, and appalled at how many NP’s are being starved down to gross incompetence. I manage millions and have MBA student loans to repay – its reasonable for me to expect to make enough for good childcare and a 401k.

      4. NotAnotherManager!*

        Agree with this assessment – I’m not a fan of pay-to-dress-down fundraisers to begin with, but I also think that $50 is high and would want a say in where my money went (like pro-rating donations based on percentage of vote).

        My organization does mostly straight matching contributions over certain levels and with very few restrictions. The list of organizations that end up with matches is impressively broad, and it basically killed any infighting about people’s pet causes. (Apparently, the charitable giving committee the first couple years was a hot mess, so they switched tacts.) I’m sure it’s murder on our finance department at year-end, but our CFO is a genius at efficiency and probably has it down to a science.

    2. Rose*

      Jeans for charity is very normal. $50 is higher than I have heard though and in most places the charities are either tied to the mission/business type or generic community service orgs. So not abnormal per se, but a little off kilter.

      1. facepalm*

        $50 is high but only b/c most places tend to do jeans Fridays, not jeans every day.
        (But I would 100% pay $50 to wear jeans every day and wouldn’t even care if it went to charity or the president’s ski vacation, personally, ha :) )

      2. ThatGirl*

        My last job it was a set amount per year (I forget the exact amount, but around $40 I think?) or $2 per week to wear jeans on Wednesdays – and that money went to our charitable arm. Thing is, nobody ever checked to see if you had your badge or sticker :P

      3. Auddish*

        My last job, the “jeans” days were only Thursday/Fridays and employees had to pay $100 (but it was a recurring donation taken straight from your paycheck twice a month, so it turned out to be $4ish/pay period.) $50 for every day seems great to me.

        1. Jadelyn*

          Maybe this is because I’m working at a company with casual dress code where we wear jeans every day regardless, but I find the idea of *paying* to be able to wear jeans super weird and really off-putting. Either allow jeans or don’t, why tie it to a pay-in scheme?

          1. ContentWrangler*

            Yes I agree – either you have the type of job where presentation matters and jeans aren’t formal enough, or jeans are fine and people can wear them and still do their jobs. Paying for them is weird.

            1. Yvonne*

              At my job we can pay to wear jeans on Fridays (and certain other times of year every day) but it’s made clear that if you are dealing with outside clients on those days you still need to dress professionally.

          3. Parenthetically*

            +1000, literally I am WTFing about this, either it matters if you wear jeans or it doesn’t!?!

          4. Bookworm1858*

            Yep, I find this super weird as well! Though I did work at a grocery store where we had to wear black dress pants and could pay to wear jeans instead…don’t remember all of the details with that since it’s been over 10 years.

          5. RPCV*

            Agreed. An employee giving campaign once auctioned off “jeans OK!” stickers where you could, presumably, wear jeans that day, but jeans were totally allowed under our dress code. People wore them all the time. I didn’t get it.

          7. I Took A Mint*

            I’m not allowed to wear jeans at work and I think it’s really weird too. Can I pay to wear leggings? PJs? A cape? A sword? Why am I paying my work for the privilege of breaking the rules? Can I pay to break other rules? None of this makes sense to me.

      4. Oatmeal’s Gone*

        Normal – the donation at my job is $5 per day (only on Thursdays), so $50 a year would be great. We do a different charity each week (with some repeats) and divide the money collected evenly among the charities selected that week.

      5. MsClaw*

        A family member worked in a place where it was *$500* per year to wear jeans on Friday.

        Family member did not wear jeans.

        1. LJay*

          My company had 2 tiers. $100 got you every Friday. $500 got you every day.

          But then they decided that since they had gotten above a certain total donation amount, everyone could wear jeans every day, minus certain days or weeks when VIPs are around.

          I’m not sure if they reimbursed people who had “brought” the jeans passes or not.

          I’m warehouse and so can wear jeans anyway so didn’t pay attention.

      6. Totally Minnie*

        We used to do a charitable donation for one extra day of jeans per week (everybody gets Friday, if you work on Fridays. If you pull the weekend shift and get Friday off, no jeans day for you that week), and it was $1 from each paycheck. So a total of $26 a year for one extra casual day a week. $50 for jeans every day? I’d do that in a heartbeat.

    3. Plebeian Trash*

      There are a LOT of offices that do this and although the intent is good I think that it can be problematic for several reasons. One of which is having charities which not all people support, and also if a more casual dress is fine if you donate then why on earth is it not ok if you don’t.

      That said…pretty normal…happens a lot.

      2. Karen from Finance*

        I agree, and also, I don’t like the idea of having it be so easily visually identifiable who has donated and who hasn’t. I think it can create a weird peer pressure environment.

        Like what if there’s a scenario where someone sincerely finds a charity problematic, but is the only person in their team not to donate? Then they’re singled out by their clothes every day. SMH. Though common, I don’t think it should be made so one can feel shamed for not donated.

    4. Peridot*

      I think it may depend on the charity. I’m not a fan of Salvation Army because of their policies towards LGBT people, but I think I’d have a hard time pushing back against them in a lot of workplaces. I could try, but no guarantee. Other charities, you could much more easily make a case for their being divisive.

      As far as requiring a donation in order to get a perk, I’ve definitely heard of it. It doesn’t seem fair, because it’s going to penalize people who just don’t have the disposable income.

      1. Jadelyn*

        “it’s going to penalize people who just don’t have the disposable income.” Thank you for saying that – I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I found the idea so off-putting, but that’s it right there. When you tie a perk to donations, now it’s a perk that functionally is only available to your wealthier staff members.

        1. Not So NewReader*

          Annnnd others don’t get to decide who has disposable income and who doesn’t. That doesn’t work for [list of 1000 reasons].

        2. Maya Elena*

          When the stakes are this small, people who are materially harmed are going to be rare edge cases. For the vast majority, I feel like the spiral of “nobody can have perk X if we cannot make it 100% inclusive and accommodating and identical for all conceivable cases” just breeds resentment and creates a net negative for society. Plus, what value are one’s beliefs if one doesn’t suffer for them by enduring slacks and skirts? Hehe.

          1. Peridot*

            I’m not sure I understand. You’re saying that $50 one way or another will only make a difference in “rare edge cases”? I disagree with that. I also don’t like that it’s such an obvious visual signifier. Why aren’t you wearing jeans? Didn’t you donate to the orphaned whales charity? Do you hate orphaned whales? If you can afford a dress wardrobe, can’t you just donate the $50? Why did you donate this quarter and not last quarter? How come you support bereaved manatees but not orphaned whales?

        3. Wintermute*

          I’m more bothered by the “it class signifies by creating a visible representation of who is paying and who needs that money elsewhere more”.

    6. Eeyore's missing tail*

      I’ve heard of companies doing this. Can you reach out to the group that selects the charity and and explain why everyone may no be thrilled to donate to them?

      1. Jennifer*

        That’s a good idea but the thing is, the employees selected this charity. I got outvoted. So I wonder if that argument will hold water.

        1. Eeyore's missing tail*

          It may not, but if one of their 4 charities people can pick from may offend others, it could be worth a shot.

          1. valentine*

            You can ask to limit the scope or to set standards.

            But this is galling when the company can just donate or allow jeans.

        2. Jadelyn*

          It can still signal that they need to be more careful in which charities they allow as options.

        3. Mr. Shark*

          I would hate that. It seems ridiculous to have the company dictate who you are supporting (or whether you are supporting any charity at all–I think it’s really none of my company’s business).

          Maybe just tell them that you are going to donate to a different charity–say, the Human Fund–in place of the one that they chose, and wear jeans when everyone else does.

          2. Win*

            This kind of pushback IMO is what leads to the end of these programs. The company has 4 options and an employee vote to chose the employees pick. There are 10000 reasons many people wouldn’t agree on the charities picked, which is why there is a vote. Many companies are just going to set it up without a vote at all.

            Easy answer, don’t donate or wear jeans if you feel very strongly about the orgs.

    7. facepalm*

      My mom’s company does jeans days like this, I think to benefit United Way. It reminds me of the local elementary school that does “no-uniform Fridays” if you pay as a school fundraiser.

      2. Cercis*

        Ours was United Way. It was in addition to our charitable giving campaign, which annoyed me, because I donated at a pretty high level through the campaign and then they wanted to also nickel and dime me. I just refused and when I was asked by coworkers about it said that I’d already given enough. One supervisor, who saw my donation sheet, tried to go to bat for me and another person who donated at a higher level but the giving chair refused to budge. I commented that next year I’d just reduce my donation by $150 and then I’d donate to wear jeans whenever I was interested in wearing jeans (which would not have cost me $150, so it would have been a net loss for them).

        I then left employment before the next campaign. So I didn’t have to make that decision.

    8. Book Badger, Attorney-at-Claw*

      It seems weird to me that a company has a dress code but lets you pay to get out of it. The point of a dress code is to project a certain image of professionalism (whether that’s internally or for the benefit of clients). Either they care about the dress code, in which case they should enforce it evenly, or they don’t, in which case they shouldn’t have one.

      1. Jennifer*

        Good point. When we have client visits they send messages reminding us to dress up the following day. I’m glad I dress up anyway because I don’t have to worry about accidentally showing up in jeans and a hoodie when a big client is here.

    9. BlueWolf*

      We used to do the occasional Friday jeans days for charity, but they would say ahead of time what the charity was so I suppose you could pick and choose which ones to support. The amount varied depending on your position level as well from $5 to $20 per time.

    10. Jamie*

      Seems this is fairly common in corporate environments. I work in manufacturing so our business casual usually includes jeans anyway.

    11. Four lights*

      Overall normal, though I find it weird that every day is jeans day. I’ve usually seen it for dress down Friday.

    12. Arctic*

      It’s very common to pay like $5 and wear jeans on Friday. I haven’t heard the $50 to wear them all the time (although with the numbers game I guess it is a better deal?)

      Picking charities is always fraught.

      1. Jennifer*

        Yes, the $50 and jeans every day is what seems weird. Plus there’s at least one day a week where we have to dress up anyway because clients will be here, whether you paid or not.

    13. Annastasia von Beaverhausen*

      Many companies do tend to do a crap job when it comes to charity and corporate giving, etc. so that’s normal.

      Depressing, but normal. (I’m lucky my employer does a really good job on this).

    14. Akcipitrokulo*

      Raising money for charity is certainly normal. The choice of charity? I don’t know what is universally normal, but at my work we have criteria for selecting charities with which to partner, and one of them is that the charity is not political or divisive (within reason). We’ve supported a charity which places children with adopters, a local mental health charity, and some prison reform & refugee charities have also been considered. Things like Autism Speaks wouldn’t be allowed, for example.

      1. Piper*

        Really? Autism is political or divisive but a refugee charity isn’t? Huh that’s interesting. I honestly don’t understand that. Can someone explain?

        1. NeonFireworks*

          Sure thing! It’s not that it’s about autism; it’s that the choice of Autism Speaks is a poor one for anyone who wants to support autistic folks. The group was founded by misguided neurotypical people and still has minimal/no input from anyone actually on the spectrum. The way the group talks about neuro-atypicality advances the (inaccurate, harmful, patronizing) narrative that autistic folks are a “burden” who need to be “cured,” which is not just ableist but in-line with eugenics. Excellent alternative: Autistic Self-Advocacy Network (ASAN). Spread the word!

        2. Emby*

          Autism Speaks is not liked by many Austic people, as it doesn’t center their voices, and treats autism as a burden to caregivers and therefore something to be cured, which is not the view held by many Autistic people.

    15. StressedButOkay*

      I work for a nonprofit and this is a pretty normal technique. If you do want to participate but have issues with the charities being picked, you could always ask how these charities are picked and if staff can have input. And that staff know upfront each time what charity the funds will be going to.

    16. Hallowflame*

      Normal. My company does a jeans-everyday donation drive benefiting March of Dimes. $40 a month, or $100 for the quarter.

    17. Asenath*

      It happens, sure. It’s always a bit tricky getting charities that everyone will support – I suppose at least your employer has a vote on it.

    18. Sleepytime Tea*

      I know of a number of companies who have done something like this. I personally think it’s crap. It isn’t fair to people who don’t have the cash for this, and yes, having to “donate” to a charity you don’t want to support is also crap. I truly don’t understand why companies do this. Either you’re ok with casual dress in the work place or you aren’t.

    19. Boop*

      I’ve heard of people being able to “pay” to wear more casual clothes. This is a little odd though – the idea of donating the proceeds to charity is very admirable, but then there is the problem you are facing. Even if the donations are made confidentially, what if you decide not to donate that quarter because you don’t support that charity? People will know you didn’t donate because you’re not wearing jeans, so you may be treated differently or harassed for “not supporting the cause”.
      I think this was an attempt to make the workplace seem friendly and hip, but someone didn’t think it through. Which is actually totally normal is most offices.

      1. Jennifer*

        Those are good points. Thankfully, no one is mean about it. Not everyone donates and it’s done privately. They don’t pass the hat around in front of everyone. Looking around it seems about half and half.

    20. Ralph Wiggum*

      I’ve never heard of a pay-for-dresscode scheme before.

      But it seems many other commenters have come across this, so maybe it’s regional?

    21. Safetykats*

      Normal. Actually on the liberal side of normal – I’ve been asked to donate that much to wear jeans only on Fridays. It seems like a common way of encouraging charitable donations for companies that have a “no jeans” dress code.

    22. TurquoiseCow*

      My company has casual Fridays where you can where jeans without donations, but they occasionally do a $5 for jeans donation on holidays or other special days, like around Christmas or just on minor holidays we don’t get off, like Valentine’s or St. Patrick’s. $50 seems kind of an excessive donation.

    23. Ra94*

      I interned a company that did a version of this, except it was done much more casually. On certain days, you could wear a specific outfit (e.g. a particular sports jersey on their match days) as long as you weren’t meeting clients, and someone would come round with a charity collection bucket at lunch and you were expected to put a dollar in if you were wearing the outfit. But most people donated anyways, and no one kept track of who gave and who wore the outfits. So your company’s system seems like an intense version of that, but not totally abnormal.

    24. Amethystmoon*

      It can be normal. Before my workplace went to “nice jeans as long as you are not dealing face-to-face with outside people,” we had United Way as a charity. A couple of times a year, they did campaigns and jeans stickers were an incentive to donate. The new jeans rule was instated after a bunch of financial issues & mass layoffs.

    25. Mel*

      It’s normal! My last job did this. You couldn’t choose the charity, although you could be a part of the volunteer team that decided them.

    26. Purrsnikitty*

      Wait, you have to pay to have the privilege of not obeying the dress code? Why does this seem so wrong to me? Even if the company doesn’t see the money, it’s still a privilege hidden behind a specific behaviour that has nothing to do with work. Actually, even if it was a reward for good work it would still seem wrong.

  9. Wearing Many Hats*

    Can you rephrase this so that it asks about the piece where you want to know if something is normal? – Alison

    1. Emmie*

      It’s helpful to hammer it home after a key employee departs, or after a big failure that’s tied to lack of employee development. You can also track turnover, and use statistics about training and retention. But, this company does not seem invested in this, and it will be an uphill battle. Plus, you have too many responsibilities at this company. If you really want to use those skills, this may not be the company for you. I mean this in the most friendly way, which you cannot get from text on a blog. I am sorry.

    2. Lily Rowan*

      Sounds like you should be looking for a different job where your skills and interests are more valued, but this sounds pretty normal to me, sadly.

  10. Less Bread More Taxes*

    Oooh I love this because I was actually going to post in the open thread tomorrow! Okay so for context, I am youngish with 4-5 years of experience. I recently moved countries for this new job that I started less than a month ago. The work itself is interesting, and I like the people. There are just a couple of issues:

    1. I was up front about not being able to speak the language here. My interviews and correspondences were all in English. There were things said during the interview process that led me to believe that the language thing would not be an issue (e.g., “If you want to learn the language, I can look into classes for you” rather than “You need to learn the language so we’ll start you with classes”). Yet when I arrived, nothing was in English. To my surprise, I’m the only foreigner here. Meetings aren’t in English. I hate sounding like a whiny American who expects everyone to cater to her, but they told me it wouldn’t be an issue! On top of it, whenever I meet with my grandboss (who also interviewed me in English), he does this dramatic sigh and says “When are you going to learn [language]?” or “I guess we have to cater to you for the foreseeable future” in a really annoyed tone.. and it’s so awkward and embarrassing. I constantly feel bad for making people communicate to me in a language they don’t have a great command of. I’m being left out of important meetings as a result…. it’s a mess. I asked my direct boss about it and she skirted around the fact that she told me language wouldn’t be an issue and is instead putting an insane pressure on me to get to a working proficiency in the language. I was of course planning on learning the language anyway! But knowing that everyone expects me to start speaking about technical concepts in a couple months is scaring the crap out of me.

    2. Nearly the same as point 1 except with two programming languages. When I came on board, I said I knew let’s say Python. They said that would be fine yet now that I’m here, it’s like they were expecting me to be a C# expert. Again, I’m learning, but it’s an added pressure I wasn’t expecting.

    I realise most people may not have experience with these issues specifically, but any insight would be helpful. I’ve already decided to give the job my best shot for six months then reevaluate, but it’s already been the hardest month in my career.

    1. gecko*

      I can’t speak to 1 but honestly I think 2 is fairly normal. I’ve found that tech companies are either really specific about needing expertise in a language, or they’re not and they just expect you to pick it up ok.

      1. valentine*

        This is wild, especially since you’re the only nonspeaker.

        Even if you learned the language by tomorrow, that wouldn’t make you business-level proficient. If you’re going to tough it out, find a business-focused course.

    2. Less Bread More Taxes*

      Also, something that people may have more experience with: I get pulled into meetings kinda randomly. My workday according to my contract ends at 5, and for the past month I’ve been scheduling things like apartment viewings and cell phone plan meetings right at 5:30 or 6. Most places close at 6 so it’s vital that I get out right at 5. Yet every other day, my boss comes in at 4 or 4:30 and pulls me into an impromptu meeting. I did talk to her today about this and she said to let her know in advance when I need to leave on time… but that’s going to be every day for a while until I’m moved in. So how do I have that conversation? I feel like I’m being whiny again here, but I can’t just put off finding an apartment forever and cancelling viewings at the last minute.

      1. CmdrShepard4ever*

        When you say contract do you mean an actual binding contract saying we agree to pay you X amount for working from 9am to 5pm for your work with us for 3 years. Or is it like a hire letter that seems like a contract but really is not and it just outlines your usual work hours being from 9am to 5pm?

        I know you said you are in a country (not US) so employment laws are different there, but in US most people are in an employee at will situation and not an actual contract, even if you signed something stating what your pay hours and benefits are.

        1. Less Bread More Taxes*

          It is an actual legally-binding contract, but there’s a clause saying “work hours may differ” or something. Basically I don’t have an issue with staying an hour or two late, but it’s been rough with this first month just because there has been so much to do outside of work also. Normally I’d feel comfortable broaching the topic after a few months, but being brand new and asking to leave on time every single day for a few weeks feels awfully demanding. It probably just warrants an honest conversation with my boss though.

          1. valentine*

            Tell her you need to leave on time for the next two months. (Give yourself a cushion.)

            But, really, since she outright lied to you (and have you mentioned this to the guy who’s rudely sadfacing you about it?), do you trust her and is this somewhere you want to stay? What realistic benchmarks can you set and meet for language proficiency and catching up in your role?

          2. sacados*

            Do you have an office calendar system that everyone views/uses to schedule things? Maybe not since you mention the meetings being “impromptu.”
            But if your office uses google calendar or something along those lines, maybe block out your calendar as “need to leave exactly at 5pm today” and then you can just tell your boss —hey, I marked on my calendar all the days I need to leave on time, hope that helps with scheduling!
            Or something like that.

            1. Karen from Finance*

              Yes, I’ll add my personal appointments to my work calendar as private (so others can see you’re busy but can’t see if you added a description of the thing). Bonus points if you can sync it to your cellphone so it beeps or vibrates when you need to leave. Then at 6pm when it does, you can just, you know, point and excuse yourself.

            2. Glitsy Gus*

              I would suggest this, add them into your calendars as personal meetings.

              I would also talk to your boss and let her know you will have a lot of days you need to leave on time for the next few months as you get your household set up. You could also add, “but if it would help I can keep Wednesdays free for meetings” or another day if another day seems more reasonable. It’s a good meeting the middle, as long as you think it actually would work.

      2. LunaLena*

        Something tells me you’re in an Asian country (if you’re not, please feel free to disregard the rest of this post). These work expectations remind me a lot of the time I worked at a Korean company in the US where the culture was definitely more Korean than American. In Asian cultures, yeah, the expectation is that you stay as long as you need to for the job to be finished. There were nights that everyone stayed at the office until 10 p.m. or even midnight without overtime to get projects done on time (to be fair, I worked at a newspaper company, so there were extremely strict deadlines), and were still expected to be in by 8 a.m. the next day.

        The same thing with the language – from your later posts, it sounds you’re conversational in the language, but not business-proficient? Business-proficient is a whole other animal from conversational. My guess is that they expected you to become business-proficient quickly since you “spoke the language” already, and are irritated that you’re not living up to their (unrealistic) expectations. On top of that, if these people have not lived outside of their country, they don’t understand why their cultural norms and standards are not the same as yours, so they probably assume you’re being deliberately obtuse. Also, Asian cultures are notorious for saying one thing and meaning another – the whole “you have to offer a present three times before they’ll accept” thing is a good example of this. I very briefly taught English in Korea while I was still figuring out what to do with my life, and experienced the same kind of bait-and-switch – they said they were amenable to requests I made, like getting paid more since I would be staying with relatives instead of having them pay room and board (room and board were part of the job offer), but once I actually got there, they refused to even talk about any of it.

        In my experience, Asians expect you to go with the flow. Part of this is because it’s such a collectivist society, where people are taught at a young age that you shouldn’t do anything to make waves or stand out. So the more unscrupulous ones will say anything to get you board, then expect you to just go along with it. I think I shocked my potential employers when, after a week of broken promises, I told them I wouldn’t work for them and just walked away.

        So TL;DR – depending on what country you’re in, may not be terribly unusual, but definitely not a great place to be working either. You speak English in a country that doesn’t; that means you’re likely in demand and can find another place that will work better for you.

        1. Karen from Finance*

          I don’t think it’s necessarily Asian though. I’m in Latin America and a lot of these things may as well have happened here. My country/city in particular is known for not being the most honest people in the world, with an abundance of scammers and charlatans. And yet, dishonesty and dishonesty, everywhere. What this employer is doing is unfair to LBMT plain and simple.

          Quite frankly it makes me uncomfortable the way you are projecting shady practices as being common to an entire, gigantic, continent.

          LBMT: I’d look into some other work opportunities in this country if you can. They are setting impossible expectations for you and are blaming you for it: they are setting you up for failure. And they lied. Stay in the foreign country, find an apartment and take classes, but do get out when you can.

          1. Japananon*

            The point is not that all of Asia is shady. The points are 1) some things LBMT complains about are normal here, but not in the US/west and 2) it’s not that every company in Asia is shady, it’s that this particular set of shady practices is common among bad companies here.

            In some companies, they would be really out of place leaving on time every day. And it would not work to point at the contract and say “well my contract says…” There are bad companies everywhere but I’ve seen this exact complaint from so many fresh expats here.

            1. Karen from Finance*

              I know this, thank you. And my point is that this is neither exclusive to Asia nor something a good company anywhere does, regardless of how often you can encounter it in a culture.

              I am troubled by your use of “US/west” to describe a culture. As stated before I am in Latin America and these behaviors are common enough in some industries here that I thought OP might have moved here. Do we not count as the west? If so please tell me more. I find that mentality… interesting.

              And then on the other end you are conflating cultures in countries as culturally dissimilar as India, Japan and Russia and going “Asian cultures”.

              My point is that “East vs West” mentality is absurd and toxic and I’d very much appreciate it if you kept that sort of speculation and generalization out of here. Please and thank you.

              1. Japananon*

                I think you’re reading a different intention than what I’m intending to convey.

                I am intentionally generalizing about trends in work culture about different parts of the world based on my own experience. Of course this situation can take place anywhere in the world but sometimes it is valuable to know when things are common in work cultures in one part of the world vs. another. Especially when most of the commenters here are in English-speaking countries/Europe and LunaLena and I are writing from East Asia, where there are very different ideas of what is “normal” or “common”. In many places in Asia, LMBT’s situation is unethical, but common.

        2. Japananon*

          This is exactly what I thought as well based on my experience in Japan.

          “Oh you don’t need to speak [local language]”–until you get there and they realize it’s actually harder to communicate with you than they thought, and they really need you get to business fluency. In most of Asia, most people are not comfortable speaking in English and there isn’t a lot of international diversity to the point where business meetings would be held in English (ie China has a ton of different dialects but there aren’t a ton of Japanese, Thai, Russian, British, etc. people where English would be more widespread).

          Ditto about time. It’s pretty unusual to get out exactly on time because you’re expected to work until the job is done. Here in Japan “you can leave on time” is a big draw for working mothers and other people needing work life balance. If you need to do something during business hours then you would need to take leave, although sometimes you can take it as “special leave” not your regular PTO if your boss recognizes that this is required to do your job.

          Being “worked around” ie left out of meetings, subtle bullying about your language skills and how much of a burden you are to your coworkers/the company, being the only foreigner there (have any foreigners worked there in the past?), and the lack of flexibility (ie a local would have to take time off for apartment appointments but they’re not even giving you “foreigner slack”) indicate that your office is not culturally ready to accommodate someone with such a different background and expectations as you. You are not familiar with each other’s conventions enough to communicate effectively about what you need. If you continue to go about this the Western way (ie asking directly for what you want, assuming you’ll be told directly if something important happens, valuing written/spoken rules/promises more than unwritten/spoken) you’re going to continue to frustrate yourself and your team. I think you would be happier in a workplace with more experience with international colleagues, but if you’re determined to make this place work, I would suggest you find an ally (take someone out to lunch and ask them how X usually happens), carefully watch and listen so you can learn the hierarchy and how people relate to each other and get information, be prepared to put in extra hours to help others/show you’re working hard, and study the local language and culture like your life depends on it. I think you should also seek out other expats/forums for foreigners in your country.

          1. Nanani*

            Seconding all of this.

            Also, someone who is fluent in written English and is fine emailing back and forth in English may not be at that same level in speaking English. Yet they might not realize that until they actually need to do it.
            Or your boss might not have realized the extent to which the rest of the office needed you to use the local language. Or maybe a lot of things, as they say.

            The good news is if you go looking for another company, odds are that one that already has some international workers will have already worked out the major stumbling blocks. You’ll still need to adapt but, the worst lifting will not be at your own feet.

      3. JSPA*

        As with the language comment (which almost certainly should have been taken as a polite directive to start learning the language!) the new comment means, “no, you can’t apartment- hunt every day — pick a couple of days or ask us how one does the process correctly, because otherwise you will flail obliviously for months with no results.” The “just be direct” concept works in many though not all English speaking countries and regions. It absolutely doesn’t, in many other cultures.

    3. That Girl From Quinn's House*

      I had this happen too, in two jobs that are less technical. In one, I said I could teach llama fitness training lessons, not llama dance lessons. Lo and behold, they had me a complicated llama dance routine. I say, I can’t do llama dance routines, I am not a good dancer and this is not something I’m trained on. Nonsense, they say, you can do it! Then get mad at me when I can’t.

      Another time I said I taught Llama First Aid classes from Llama Safety Agency. They want someone to teach Llama First Aid from the American Llama Society. I said, multiple times, “To clarify, I am certified through Llama Safety Agency, not the American Llama Society.” “Are you sure you’re OK with me teaching Llama Safety Agency classes, not American Llama Society classes? As I’ll have to get recertified to teach through the Llama Society.” Yes, that’s fine, they said.

      Next week: Um we need you to teach a Llama Society class, why can’t you do that?

      *bangs head on wall*

    4. Annastasia von Beaverhausen*

      About 10 years ago I had a boss *aggressively* trying to recruit me for a job in Germany where he was relocating to. I do not speak German.

      I turned him down, because I was sure that I would wind up where you are with #1. If you otherwise like the job/country/employer and you think you could pick up the language, then go for it, and good for you. There would be no shame at all in pulling the plug though. They really did a bait and switch on you, but it doesn’t surprise me at all.

    5. MENA region*

      The language thing seems crazy, but maybe region specific? I’ve spent a lot of time in the Middle East and although I speak Arabic, I knew so many Westerners who never made an effort to learn Arabic and it wasn’t expected of them at all in most workplaces. If they needed an Arabic speaker that would be decided before hiring.

      Also, it takes THOUSANDS of hours to learn a language to the point where you can function professionally in it—this is not a matter of “getting by”, chatting with people, or ordering coffee, you need to be able to speak both abstractly and precisely. So it’s not a reasonable expectation for them to want you to learn the language well enough to function at work by studying in your free time. This one is completely on them for hiring you without language skills IMO. However, is this really the company you want to work for? Sounds super unpleasant.

      1. RPCV*

        Right? If the boss thinks LBMT can be fluent in a language after a month, Boss is a total nutter.

        My company has people take 2-ish year stints in a particular foreign company fairly regularly, but it’s with the understanding that they’re American and it’s unlikely they’ll have any fluency in that country’s language (they have several, actually).

        I have no advice, and I’m not even sure if this is normal in general, but it’s not normal in my experience. If they want you to be fluent before arrival, they need to send you to (probably full-time) classes before moving you. If they want you to be fluent in-country, they need to have you spend a good chunk of your day on a formal language program. Otherwise the assumption should be that English is a language spoken in the office and they can accommodate you while you get the hang of the language (at least 6 months, IME).

      2. Wintermute*

        This is super-common in IT in the middle east. I know more than one person that’s taken a very lucrative contract in Saudi Arabia or the UAE with zero command of the language and that was just fine. For some reason especially in IT and telecom they’re hiring in talent like crazy and they’re willing to adapt to you, and pay very well too. Of course there are serious strings attached especially in the UAE where you can end up in a very bad situation if you’re not careful, but for white collar work that’s not as common as for laborers.

        1. MENA region*

          Yeah, I’ve never heard of anyone being expected to learn Arabic on the job in the Middle East beyond maybe the most basic pleasantries.

    6. Erin Withans*

      So in my admittedly limited experience, this isn’t unexpected. It’s definitely crappy they told you the language wouldn’t be an issue, but yeah, if you’re the one who doesn’t speak the native language, you need to learn, and you need to learn fast. Even if people can switch to English when directly engaging you, it’s deeply unlikely that that’s going to fly for all communication, be that meetings, emails, or watercooler talk. Unless you had a really heavily international workforce and English was a common shared language, you need to expect that the office will run in its native language and catch up.

      Maybe you can ask a coworker or your language tutor for a list of common technical terms you need to know for your line of work? Good luck!

      1. valentine*

        Less Bread More Taxes had no reason to believe her manager would outright lie and this is like telling someone they need to learn to climb a mountain fast when they’ve not even begun a couch to 5K. “Learn the language” is a wildly unreasonable expectation for someone new to a job that relies on the language, with no plan or managerial support.

        1. Less Bread More Taxes*

          Thank you. As an aside, there actually aren’t any language classes that they provide until September, so they aren’t helping me work through this either. I’m working with a tutor I found myself.

          1. 8DaysAWeek*

            This makes it even more frustrating. In the meantime can you grab an app for your phone/computer to start to learn the basics/supplement the tutor?
            I use Duolingo (available on PC or phone), Mango, and Memrise. And the Google translate app is wonderful for day to day translations. You can also put this out on the table in listen mode and it will live translate conversations. But I would check with whoever you are speaking with at the time if they are ok with this.

            Good luck! I once had a bait and switch IT job and I left after barely 3 months. It was not what I signed up for and I was only there for 3 months because that is how long it took to find a new job.

            1. Nanani*

              DO NOT use google translate for anything even remotely confidential (Google will keep it) and do not rely on it for anything requiring precision. It’s not good enough for say, legal matters like your work contract or major purchases (real estate, vehicles, etc) .

    7. Lora*

      1. This kinda happens, unfortunately, and it just kinda is what it is. I am surprised that THEY are surprised, though: usually what happens is, they start a meeting in English and then sort of slip into the local language and forget anyone else is there. Then I ask a question in the local language, because technical language doesn’t translate well (“why are you talking about sliced fruit?” was a memorable one – they meant, section of a building) and they all act like a piece of furniture just said hello. They sort of get it in their heads that Americans Don’t Speak (whatever) and mindlessly ignore me until I remind them that hey, I’m here and I do understand you more or less.

      I mean, it depends on you and how fast you pick up languages, but immersion definitely helps you learn faster. If you decide that’s a thing you want to do. It’s pretty common for people to drift into their first language though – think how often even in the US, you hear people drift into Spanish or Chinese, it’s very frequently.

    8. BeachMum*

      I was hired to do marketing. I asked all of the right questions to ensure that I was to do marketing and not sales. I started and they had no phone (fortunately, I had a cell phone — it was a long time ago) and they didn’t have a computer for me. Also, I was supposed to do sales.

      I hung in there for a few months, but when I made my first big sale, and asked for commission, I was told I was doing marketing…which is when my job hunt started again.

    9. Dust Bunny*

      I don’t know if this is common or not but I sort of feel like it can’t be that uncommon, and that as a general thing if I were taking a job in another country I would expect to hit a language barrier whether the job claimed I would or not, simply because . . . it happens, because you don’t actually conduct your entire workday in strictly technical speak. And they may not have expected you to be as seemingly-resistant to learning the language as you sound here; maybe other foreign employees have decided to just learn it, anyway.

      1. Less Bread More Taxes*

        I just want to clarify that this isn’t a case of me being unwilling. I speak to coworkers in the language casually and that’s been fine. However, I’ve been told that I need to present some work in a twenty minute presentation, lead a workshop, and develop structure – all in the next couple of months and in this language. I would not have accepted the position if I’d known this.

        I have friends who have accepted similar positions, and they’ve said that their jobs are all in English due to their being a large number of foreigners in their offices.

        I really do want to learn the language, but I feel like I’ve been set up to fail.

        1. MENA region*

          Yeah, that seems kind of crazy, but maybe a great chance to really push yourself, if you really want to frame it positively.

          If you want to go for it, I would recommend working with a tutor who has a laser focus on your professional field. Forget learning to read the newspapers or understand movies for now…just focus on professional vocabulary and interactions. Of the thousands of words you need to know to speak a language well, you may as well focus on the few hundred words that will really relate to your job. Later you can learn the less-professionally-useful vocabulary (collander, sidewalk, etc).

        2. Seeking Second Childhood*

          Can you write your materials in English and get the company to send it to a translator?
          (Vile thought, but at least you’d have materials to read.)

        3. AcademiaNut*

          Yeah, I work in Asia at a research institute, and the working language is in English specifically so they can recruit internationally. There are definitely times when I’m mostly with locals and they naturally slip back into the local language, and some of the higher up admin stuff isn’t bilingual, but they really do use English for meetings and presentations. It helps that it’s basically impossible to be a PhD level researcher in the field without being reasonably fluent in written English, at least.

          Your boss is being wildly unrealistic. There’s a world of difference between basic practical language and fluency, and if you’re going from English to an Asian language it’s a steep learning curve (much more so than, say, English to French or German). Here, it takes about a year of *full-time* classes to get to a good basic conversational/reading proficiency, and that doesn’t include technical language. For that matter, I have colleagues who can’t give professional talks in their native language, after doing university abroad in English – they don’t know the technical terms.

    10. cmcinnyc*

      I was going to say “not normal” but reading comments, apparently it is! At my job it is *strongly* discouraged using one’s personal device for anything because a lot of our work is subject to FOIA laws–and that could open up your personal device to being FOIA-ed. NOBODY wants that. So besides the cost and the boundary, I’d consider if there might be legal hassles as well. I guess this is in the “normal but crappy” category.

      1. cmcinnyc*

        Oooo sorry that cross posted from another thread!

        I was going to say, this is why the one time I worked in another country I stumbled and struggled through the interview in their language–because that’s what I had to use every day.

    11. Val*

      I am also in a job abroad and language was also not a requirement. But I did notice that everyone expected that I would be fluent within 3 months. This is something lots of people expect from you. I have the feeling that it is because it is often seen/advertise on the internet nowadays. If you work with reasonable people you can explain them that this is not achievable when working a full-time job. (It personally took me three years – 160 hours of one on one lessons for it)

    12. CoffeeLover*

      Honestly, this company did an absolutely horrible thing to you. It’s really difficult to move to a new place where you don’t speak the language – and to sit quietly while everyone talks a language you don’t understand around you (been there, not fun). They should have been completely upfront about the fact that the entire office is local and speaks the local language. You could have chosen to come anyway, but at least you would be prepared for the fact that you would likely be excluded until you learned the language.

      I will say though that people who haven’t been in this scenario don’t really understand how tough and demoralizing it is. They may not have realized how much of a challenge it would be to have an English speaking person join them. They may have genuinely thought it wouldn’t be an issue and are now realizing that it actually is. And while ideally, they would acknowledge this and apologize, there are a lot of people in this world that have a hard time admitting they royally f-ed up. Depending on which country/company you moved to, there can also be a stigma about not being able to work in English (another reason they may not want to acknowledge it).

      On the plus side, if you really want to stay in this country then trial by fire is often the best way to learn a language.

      1. Less Bread More Taxes*

        Thanks for the support! I actually did choose this opportunity in order to learn a foreign language, so I’m going to stick with it for a bit at least for that reason alone.

        1. language nerd*

          Hi there, I’m a language teacher and normally people acquire languages from listening to and reading the language and being able to understand most of what they hear or read. As your listening and reading proficiency improves, you’ll later be able to write and speak with more and more fluency. I think it’s unrealistic for them to expect you to speak and present in the language until you are better with reading and listening. If possible, I would recommend streaming tv shows or movies in the target language with the subtitles also in the target language if available. Chrome has a fairly new add-on for netflix that can really help with this. I would also look for reading material–especially target language versions of books or stories that you’re already familiar with. Wikipedia is a good source for non-fiction reading in other languages.

    13. AnotherJill*

      Working in a different programming language is entirely normal. It becomes easier each time – a good way to start is to think in the language you know, and then translate – so I need a decision statement, how do I do that…. I need repetition, how do I do that.. Start thinking in terms of the basic features, then do some reading to see if there are libraries or practices that make sense for your project.

      1. JSPA*

        Yup, that’s pretty normal, but against the backdrop of using a lot of “equivalency awareness” to learn a foreign language to the point of business fluency, it’s a burden.

        I’d suggest much of the business presentation stuff be done by rote memorization! Including canned answers to several questions. sure it’s irritating when you answer a different question than what’s actually been asked… but people apparently accept it.

    14. Asenath*

      Being told you don’t need to speak a language, and then expected to learn it to fluency so quickly – and while working – doesn’t seem reasonable. I mean, I think it would probably be a great chance to learn it – but what were they thinking, saying first it wasn’t necessary and now suddenly it is? Adults don’t get fluent in a foreign language that quickly!

    15. Galahad*

      Moral support post here — I got a temporary job in Norway (8mos) and it stated that I needed to speak Norwegian or English, and 100% English was fine. I was in a big city and 90% of my co-workers spoke English fluently. To me. But, all the computer systems, meetings, coffee time / lunch chat, seminars, and interruptions by people on the street was in Norwegian (I look northern european, I guess?). I would constantly need to explain the need to switch to English and it drove me a bit batty (headaches) as I was trying to rapidly learn the language and could almost understand what they were saying / meant, but I never quite enough. I started to wear headphones, even with no music on, to stop being randomly approached in another language unless I was prepared for that discussion and not just trying to chill.

      And the programming languages thing is extremely common — they want you/ hire you for a new skillset they don’t have, for a directly that the company clearly needs to go into, but then more urgently need you to help maintain existing systems or build the bridge between existing and new tech. It can take a year or two for them to fully transition over to the new stuff… If you continue to do well and hang in there, it ususally does go to what you were hired for.

    16. it's me*

      It kind of seems like whoever hired you either was deeply misinformed or was… fudging the truth to bring you onboard.

    17. Zephy*

      This sounds like the worst kind of Ask vs Guess culture clash, especially considering your addendum below. Maybe it’s time to try sitting down with your boss and having a discussion about expectations. You aren’t a mind-reader!

    18. Weegie*

      For no. 1, the language issue, this is not normal in my experience. I worked overseas a lot until relatively recently, and it would be usual to encounter one of the following scenarios:

      1. They know you don’t speak the language, and it isn’t an issue for your job, although you probably need it to survive outside of work & you’ll be expected to learn the local language in your own time.
      2. They know you don’t speak the language, but you will need it for the job at least part of the time and they will organise lessons for you – and probably expect you to get up to speed fairly rapidly.
      3. You need to be able to speak the language and they won’t hire you unless you have a certain level of proficiency already: it’ll be clear whether you do or don’t before you start work, as the application and interview processes will be conducted wholly or partly in the local language.

    19. Not So Little My*

      Having to learn additional programming languages is totally normal. And it’s not really that hard once you have reached a level of proficiency with your core language so that you can recognize different principles of programming and commonalities and differences. Pluralsight is your friend – see if you can get a license from work because it’s a few hundred bucks a year which is hard to do on your own sometimes. Also check your local library to see if you can get free access to O’Reilly Safari books online. If you’re a self-starter and an extrovert, ask around for your co-workers to see if they want to form a study group over lunchtime. As a senior software engineer, I would totally apply for jobs outside my core language if I was excited by the company otherwise, and many managers are like “yeah, you’re awesome, you know your stuff, we understand you’ll take a little while to ramp up on the new language and deliver at the same level as our longer-term team members” but you are expected to deliver, even if a bit more slowly.

    20. Tau*

      #2 – I’d consider this one fairly normal? Like, part of what people want in a software developer is to have someone who can pick up new languages on the fly and isn’t wedded to one technology. And they will sometimes hire devs from a different language background with the expectation that they pick up the new language quickly. Ideally, they’d make this expectation clear in the interview, of course.

      #1, on the other hand, I’m going to call not normal. Like, I’m in an English-language company in a non-English-speaking country myself. I get what people are saying about watercooler talk, and I’ll add on that I think not speaking [language] becomes problematic if you have a lot of contact with externals and clients – so roles like the upper levels of management, recruiters, office managers, etc. But software developers aren’t generally in this group. It’s a reasonable expectation, when hired under these terms, that internal meetings will be in English and it’s the standard working language… and it’s absolutely not appropriate for your boss to start pressuring you into trying to learn the language ASAP (to the point of being able to do a technical presentation!! the mind boggles) and act like you’re the problem. Not liking this situation has nothing to do with being a “whiny American” – I’d be up in arms as well.

      1. MENA region*

        Yes. To flip the situation–I work in the US in a nonprofit with a lot of international or immigrant employees who speak English as a second language. Would I ever hire someone who didn’t speak English and expect them to get up to speed in a few months? No, because A) ridiculous, and B) a lot of our non-native-speaking employees have lived in the U.S. for literally decades and we still run into language issues occasionally despite the fact that they would reasonably be considered fluent in English.

        For example, certain of them will grasp the literal meaning of what’s said without catching the implications–for example, we give examples of a problem and occasionally they understand the examples we’ve mentioned but don’t realize that we’re actually talking about the overarching issue that these examples point to, not the examples themselves. I really enjoy these coworkers and it’s totally worth it to stop and rephrase when needed. But it is an example of how even spending a lot of time (decades) practicing a language is not a guarantee that you’ll function perfectly in it when it comes to a subtle work conversation, so it’s important to set reasonable expectations for the kind of work you’d be able to do in the language after several months.

        1. Tau*

          I’m one of, like, three native English speakers (ish in my case) in my whole company, and although it is nowhere remotely near my job description the publicity people like to get me to read through English-language content for e.g. our website prior to publication. Because even though these are people who have been working in English professionally for sometimes on the order of decades, they’re still not native speakers and they miss nuances sometimes.

          Such as that time I went “uh, this first sentence here in the newsletter you plan to send out? You… realise this reads as a reference to sex, right?” and no, they had not.

          But sure, you can just get up to speed in a new language in a few months, that’s totally a reasonable expectation.

          1. MENA region*

            Omg, yeah, I’ve done the same thing in Arabic which I studied for 5 years, including one entire year in which I *only* studied Arabic for 6-10 hours per day. I wrote something where I used the word “practicing” in Arabic intending to refer to practicing skills and someone was like, “Uh in Arabic that sounds like it’s short for ‘practicing love’ (i.e. making love).” Arhgghghghg! So yeah, even though I am “fluent” in Arabic and I do use it professionally, I still make these incredibly embarassing mistakes.

          2. Maria Lopez*

            I have an American friend who is a professional translator and interpreter in France, and when working with contracts and other business documents she translates ONLY from French to English, and her French cohorts do English to French. They even have subsets of translators for medical, business, legal, etc. subjects. There are too many subtleties that are missed if you are not a native speaker (just look at those instructions in “English” for electronics manufactured in Asian countries).

    21. ProfessorHidgens*

      This might be an area so broad that there is no “normal”, but for what it’s worth, I am also very early career, living abroad and working for a local company with no real command of the local language (I’m working on it!) and it’s been a great experience. I was flatly honest at every stage of the hiring process that I had never studied language and couldn’t guarantee I’d be able to pick it up, was reassured that that would be no issue and it hasn’t been. So, I think you got an unlucky bounce.

  11. Kristine*

    I’m wondering if it’s normal for managers to keep an interview process for a new team member super secretive from their team.

    I gave my manager many months of notice that I was leaving (told her in early December, my last day is next week). In the meeting where I gave my notice she said that she would hire someone to have at least 2 weeks of overlap for training. However, I’m now one week away from my last day and have heard nothing about a potential replacement. I know the job ad went up because I saw it online, but I have no idea if interviews have been conducted, if she’s making an offer to someone soon, or what’s going to happen next week. This is strange to me because in past jobs I’ve interviewed my own replacement, so it’s weird to be kept so out of the loop. I will say that this manager has communication problems across the board.

    Also, another one of my team members (Amy) is leaving at the same time. I only know this because Amy told me directly. Our manager never made a formal announcement to our team and told Amy that she’s not supposed to tell anyone she’s leaving, but Amy decided to tell our team so we weren’t blindsided. This morning our manager came over to our team’s office and introduced us to Bert, who is Amy’s replacement. Today is his first day and Amy is training him now. But our manager still never officially told us that Amy is leaving! Bert just showed up today out of the blue; not even Amy knew he was being hired or that she’d be training him today.

    This is weird, right?

    2. Drax*

      Unfortunately yes. It’s pretty normal that some companies operate in a cloak and dagger type secrecy and others are really open. It’s a office culture thing, but pretty 50/50

    3. Rose*

      Sadly, not weird. This isn’t great communication, but in my experience it’s more common for these discussions to stay at the manager level until someone is at a minimum about to be made an offer, and often until they have accepted it or even started. I don’t think it’s ideal, but it’s not uncommon.

    4. Eleanor Shellstrop*

      Yes this is weird, any time we’ve had new starters, we’ve known. It can vary whether they are internal or external (usually more information for internals) but never just on the day they start

    5. CustServGirl*

      Weird, but unfortunately it can be kinda normal. I’ve had that happen at my work place where we either receive short notice or no notice at all that someone has left or has been hired.

    8. CupcakeCounter*

      Its not abnormal just not necessarily best practice.
      I was the only one who knew a replacement had been hired for a certain position because I was also in the running for it. I think the rest of the group got a one-day notice or something. An email Friday afternoon saying “we hired new person, they start on Monday”

    9. Perse's Mom*

      That’s very weird. That level of non-communication seems like a great way to prevent institutional knowledge from being passed on. It’s like sabotaging your own team!

      1. Kristine*

        This was my thought. I can understand not being privy to all the information about the hiring process, but if I leave next week without a replacement then who is going to do my job? My teammates and manager know the big-picture outcomes of what I do but not what my actual day-to-day work looks like.

    10. Akcipitrokulo*

      Weird. Might happen elsewhere, but anywhere I’ve been it’s always been open about any recruiting in the department, and definitely for a replacement, outgoing member is often involved.

    12. Detective Amy Santiago*

      Not a good practice, but common in dysfunctional workplaces.

      Lucky for you and Amy, it’s not going to be your problem!

    15. Catsaber*

      It’s common, and I think it can be okay if the situation really calls for privacy. For example, we recently hired someone from another team in our department. The guy we hired wasn’t happy with his current team, so he didn’t want his boss to know until he had an offer. So normally my boss would bring the team in for the interviews and give us all the details, but he was respecting this guy’s privacy so he didn’t tell us anything. However – he did tell us “I’m in the process of interviewing someone, but in order to respect their privacy, I can’t share details.” So it wasn’t just *totally* secretive – my boss explained the situation to us and why he couldn’t give more info.

      So whether or not it’s good or bad depends on how it’s being handled.

    17. rldk*

      The weird part to me is the no heads-up whatsoever about team members leaving! I’ve had varying levels of knowledge of hiring processes, but in the past couple of workplaces, leaving coworkers told the team at the manager’s direction/with their approval within a couple days of giving notice. The timeline usually depended on whether or not the manager wanted a roadmap of how responsibilities would be passed over.

      [At my last job, coworkers actually told each other first, because our manager was terrible and we were all desperately job-hunting. So it was a legitimate celebration of “I’m getting out of here!” But I know that’s definitely not what happens in healthy offices]

    18. Jules the 3rd*

      Not weird in the US – varies by company culture and specific managers. Usually, in my experience, the ‘secrecy’ is that the manager’s too overworked / busy to send out announcements, not a deliberate attempt to hide something.

    19. KittiesLuvYou*

      Weird and unfortunately very normal. Every company I’ve worked for have been bad about communicating employees’ hiring/leaving.

    20. Lia*

      A sign of terrible HR for sure, but not weird. A lot of places do this, especially in the non-profit space.

    22. TurquoiseCow*

      In an old job, my boss’s boss hired me without telling my boss. My boss had been complaining that he wanted a new employee to assist him, but his boss did not tell him that he was interviewing, never mind that he had hired me.

      In fairness, it wasn’t an all out job search on boss’s boss’s part. I worked for a company that this company bought out, and, as I was interested in moving up, I went to a job fair and met with a recruiter. The recruiter thought I might be good at this job, so he recommended me to the director. The director interviewed me, decided he wanted to hire me, and did all the work required to get me on board. He just didn’t tell the guy I was going to be reporting to. Literally at 4:30 on a Friday, as he was walking out the door, he said, “Oh, by the way, your new person starts on Monday.” That was all the notice my boss got.

      I’ve never been involved in an interview process as a peer. I know in some places they do this, but I’ve never been asked to join an interview or give my opinion on a potential hire, aside from a few times where I recommended a person.

    23. seeingbothsides*

      I am a higher ed administrator, and we are always tinkering with how to message that people are leaving. It gets complicated when someone has been fired or when we’ve had to do lay-offs. We don’t want staff to know when someone has been fired, so we want the communication to be similar in all circumstances. We’ve gone through phases of sending out emails to the entire staff and other phases of sending emails only to managers, then expecting them to pass on the information as relevant. We’ve also gone through phases of sending very terse emails without details: “So-and-so is leaving on XX date” and more personal, friendly emails “We’d like to thank so-and-so for all their hard work on XYZ and wish them the best of luck, etc etc.” My point is that it’s a difficult balance to get right– obviously you want people to have relevant information about a co-worker leaving, but in some cases you need to protect individuals’ privacy and the privacy of personnel decision-making. I’m not surprised at all that some companies don’t get that balance right, and that it ends up being weird.

    24. Alana*

      I think this depends a lot on your company. Neither of these things would raise an eyebrow for me. We don’t have a standard procedure for announcing departures and often do it on the last day or week, assuming people who work closely with the person are told earlier.

      It wouldn’t occur to me to have a departing employee interview their replacement. Sometimes we want to go in a different direction with a new hire, and it doesn’t make sense to have someone who won’t even be at the organization when that person starts (or is leaving soon after) weighing in on a hiring decision. There are enough stakeholders who want in on the interview process who WILL be working with them, signing off on the hire, etc.

    25. Amethystmoon*

      At a bigger company, not entirely weird. It all depends. Sometimes they just want to make sure the person doing the training doesn’t just quit on the spot.

    26. Nobody Nowhere*

      In my office it’s really common for people to forget to tell the admins about this kind of thing. We’ll suddenly overhear people talking in the common area about Fergus retiring next week or that Jane starts on Monday. The professionals we support have known for weeks, but nobody bothered to tell us.

    28. Someone Else*

      I’m sort of divided here. I do think it’s not normal for it to be secretive, but it is normal for it to not be widely shared? So like, he told you one thing at the start and then gave you no info since? That’s pretty normal. But if you asked about it and he were evasive or lied or hid it or just straight said it’s not for you to know, that would be not normal.
      Not announcing about Amy and Bert just showing up like that is more indicative that the boss is kinda disorganized I think? If Amy were in the loop about that part but no one else that might be normal depending on context although I wouldn’t say it’s great. But it’s not unusual.

    29. Coder von Frankenstein*

      ” However, I’m now one week away from my last day and have heard nothing about a potential replacement.”

      Not particularly weird IMO. If the boss hasn’t got a replacement lined up, she hasn’t got one lined up, and there’s not really much to say. Poor communication maybe, but not unusual.

      “Our manager never made a formal announcement to our team and told Amy that she’s not supposed to tell anyone she’s leaving.”

      Now *that* qualifies as Not Normal. It’s important for the people who will still be there to know that they’re going to be down a member! Moreover, when somebody up and vanishes one day, it’s generally assumed that something very bad went down. No sensible boss would want that kind of speculation around the office if it could be avoided.

    30. Glitsy Gus*

      It’s weird and your manager is kind of shooting herself in the foot, but it isn’t abnormal.

      Fortunately, it isn’t your problem! If she can’t get you someone to train before your last day, just try to leave clear instructions and as few loose ends as you can and ask if there is anyone on your team you should be including in your wrap up information, seeing as your last day is one week away. I know you want to be a good person and not screw over your other teammates or the new person coming in, but it really isn’t your responsibility beyond making sure the work you’re leaving is as clean and clear as possible.

      It really is possible they just haven’t gotten enough good candidates yet, but if she’s just not sharing to not share, well, that’s on her. She gets to have her own need for secrecy bite her in the butt when she has to be the one to deal with the you-sized hole in the department.

    31. Onyx*

      Weird but normal-ish. I’ve noticed companies don’t like to announce people’s departures (they probably think it is bad for morale) but I haven’t encountered outright forbidding to tell your own team that you’re leaving. They should give the team a head’s up on the replacement before the person shows up though!

  12. Rocky McRockface*

    How much positive feedback/appreciation can I really expect? I’m in my first real job out of college at a llama care consulting firm. I’m salaried but there’s usually at least a few days a month where I will work 10-11 doing llama wrangling in the field (which is always outdoors and physically exhausting) and my manager has never even said thank you or acknowledged the extra time I put in.

    Also, for anyone that works on a system of billable hours, do you bill for the “start-up” time it takes you to dive into a task? For example if I finish one thing it will often take me 10-15 minutes to figure out what needs to be done next and get myself set up to work on that thing. Is it normal to bill that time to a project or do you bill it to overhead? I am the only employee of this company so I can’t really ask co-workers and my boss is consistently telling me that I need to bill more hours, but I have a hard time switching tasks efficiently.

    2. Four lights*

      Paralegal here. If I am looking at the Jones matter and reviewing things a bit to remind myself what I need to do next, I bill for it.

      1. CmdrShepard4ever*

        Same here I think if you are looking at info on a specific case/client to see what needs to be done next for that case/client or to get back up to speed on a case, that is billable to the case/client. But if you are looking at your overall case/client load to decide what case/client you need to deal with next, that would be billable to overhead/admin.

      2. Lucy*

        Also paralegal, and yes. Narrative will be something like “reviewing Jones file and preparing llama certification documentation” which includes the five minutes working out why the heck last year’s certificate isn’t on file, etc.

        We were once billed for two hours of a local specialist’s time for “lying awake worrying about the case”. That invoice was queried and ultimately cancelled. Be cleverer with your wording!

        1. PhyllisB*

          This is a bit of sidetrack; but when my daughter was getting a divorce I went to drop off some requested paperwork. The paralegal heard me and directed the receptionist to send me back. I went back and she started asking me questions about how’s the family/grand-kids were doing. (We had attended church together years before so this was not any big deal.) The thing is, she did not refer to the paperwork a single time then sent a bill for a consultation. You better believe I kicked up a fuss about that and DID NOT pay it. They never contested it.

    3. Jamey*

      I definitely think cycling up time is a normal part of doing business and therefore fair to bill to a project.

    4. Susan Calvin*

      Prep-work is work, bill it.

      We do have a specific booking code for overhead caused by us, like scheduling issues requiring a staffing change and hand over mid-project, or if we’re using client work as Baby’s First Project for a new hire in their first few weeks of training, but otherwise, nope.

    5. Book Badger, Attorney-at-Claw*

      Lawyer here. We “bill” (it’s a nonprofit so no client actually gets a bill) all the time we’re at work individually, with set funding codes for each task. So, say my day looks like this:

      9:00 – Arrive at work, make a cup of tea
      9:12 – Sit at my desk, start work on Jones case
      9:30 – Get up to pee
      9:36 – On way back from bathroom, ask fellow lawyer about Jones case, also chat about her new nephew
      Etc.

      I bill the tea as “misc. supporting activities” (not to any particular case), and bill work on the case (including the time when I get up to pee or talk to my coworker) as case time.

    7. Annastasia von Beaverhausen*

      Not getting praise for doing your job (even if it’s hard) is pretty normal – you get a salary for doing your job.

      Now, it totally sucks, and a good boss is going to give you feedback; however, there are a lot of not-good bosses out there.

      1. Kettles*

        You get a salary for working 8 hours of your job. If you’re routinely working 3 extra hours a day it’s worth working out if your compensation makes that worth it. And whether you are being taken advantage of. I spent a lot of time when younger working excessive hours for low salaries and my typical reward was that it simply became expected, and working less than 10 hour days was seen as slacking. Not because the industry expected it; because they were too cheap to hire the amount of staff needed.

    8. Akcipitrokulo*

      First point – really sucks, but not always abnormal :( but it does suck. A lot. The little “thank you” or “I appreciated the effort on X” really, really make a difference, and I think it’s not good practice not to do them.

      But normal.

    9. Notinstafamous*

      I bill for file prep time (reviewing the documents, refreshing myself on the file, etc) but not for “me” prep time (organizing my list of things to do, working out urgency/priorities, etc.).

    10. CAA*

      Appreciation and positive feedback are highly dependent on the individuals involved. Some people like to give a lot of thanks and compliments and some people like to get a lot of that feedback. Other people feel weird about giving or getting thanks for things that are just a normal part of the job, such as putting in extra hours a few days a month. It sounds like you and your manager are not on the same wavelength about how much verbal appreciation you’d like to receive; and since you’re the only employee, your manager is probably not used to adapting her management style to cope with different employee communication styles. I don’t know that there’s anything you can do about this, but maybe it will help to think of it as the two of you having different communication preferences.

      1. T Ferguson*

        Ditto on this. When I became a manager I checked in with each member of my new team to see how they liked appreciation showed- I’ve got one team member who thrives when she gets a quick callout for doing a little extra in a larger group meeting, and another who strongly prefers to never be singled out and even one-on-one praise to be sparing and only for really major things.

        If you wanted to raise this from the employee end, I’d suggest maybe phrasing it as a check-in with the new job. If you could phrase it to suggest that you want to be sure you’re doing well, or that you’re curious how the current workload compares to the normal workload, it could tip your manager off that more feedback/recognition is in order.

    11. BookLady*

      Gosh, positive feedback is something that varies so much from manager to manager. I’ve been in places where my bosses barely said “thank you” to me and places where higher ups would email me with great, specific feedback and copy my manager. Honestly, I think it’s normal to see a wide range of positive feedback depending on the people you’re working for. Not to say that you should settle for a lack of feedback, and you might be able to approach your boss to ask for more feedback, good and bad, in general. But I haven’t found one normal level of feedback that all managers give.

      I have no experience in billable hours, so I can’t help there.

    12. Anonymous Poster*

      Billing spin up time is similar to billing retooling time in a factory. A factory will bill that time, and you need to also. Some items may require more mental retooling than others, and they need to pay for that. Perfectly normal.

      Unfortunately in most jobs, I’ve only had positive feedback during check in meetings or when I specifically asked for it. It’s normal for most managers to not do a great job with feedback, in my experience.

    13. Yorick*

      I’d think if you’re spending time setting up for a task for a project, you bill to that project. If you’re spending time doing something that’s more broadly administrative, you bill to overhead.

    14. Hallowflame*

      Feedback/appreciation is going to vary widely based on your manager. Some managers will wait until some kind of formal review to give positive feedback, and will only issue corrections or critiques in the mean time. Others will be a constant source of feedback, good and bad. And then some will be completely opaque the entire time you work for them, and you will never know where you stand.
      If you are only looking for affirmation of a job well-done, you will probably need to adjust your expectations. If you need constructive feedback from your manager on a regular basis, you can speak to your manager and ask if this would be possible. Just be prepared for the possibility that your manager may decline to accommodate.

    15. Asenath*

      I rarely get direct thanks. I don’t really expect it – I think I’d be embarrassed if I got it – and I have the kind of job where no one notices much if I do it right because things happen on schedule, everything goes smoothly – who notices that?

    16. Ethyl*

      Geologist here who worked for environmental consulting firms, with two thoughts:

      1. If fieldwork with long hours is an expected part of your job, it’s not realistic to expect your PMs or manager to thank you for basically doing your job. If you’re going above and beyond on things then sure, and sometimes even a bonus gets handed out. But it’s also very individual-dependent — some people are a lot more effusive about stuff like that and some folks aren’t.

      2. Check with your PM or whoever on if driving time is billed. When I worked for a company that handled multiple clients and types of projects, some contracts were specific that drive time was to be billed to the project, while some you would bill to an admin task or not bill (say, if you had a drive of five minutes from your hotel). Time onsite is usually always billed.

      Hope that helps!

    17. LKW*

      Some managers are good at feedback, some are bad. My first manager thanked me every day. Sincerely too. Another manager never had good feedback. Only bad. Never said thank you.
      My current boss will say “I think you’re doing xyz well, however I think when it comes to ABC, I’d like to see you watch out for this and avoid this and do this thing better.” Really good examples of what I can do better and how to approach a problem.

      If you need feedback – ask your manager for feedback.

    18. Jules the 3rd*

      Positive feedback varies widely by industry / company / specific manager.

      Industry / company: In finance or nursing, 11hr days are normal. Transportation – 11hr days at end of month / quarter, but not the rest of the time. You can check whether your 11hr days are unusual by looking at whether everyone at your level spends a few days doing them. If yes, don’t expect positive feedback.

      Specific manager: My best manager met with me 1×1 at least monthly, and gave me honest feedback about what was going well and what wasn’t. He would have given positive feedback on 11 hr days, even if they were normal, at least once. My current manager meets 1×1 maybe 3 times a year and doesn’t know enough about my job to comment on what I actually do. You can guess why I liked one better, but I also know my best mgr had 6 reports and my current manager has over 20.

      If you want positive feedback, make sure you have a regular meeting with your manager where you can tell them what you’re doing. Not in a ‘wrangled for 11 hours and boy are my arms tired’ way, but in a ‘wrangled 48 llamas today! It took me 11 hours, is that about normal speed?’

      It happens, a lot, that managers aren’t fully aware of everything you do.

    19. Samwise*

      RE positive feedback: It is pretty normal to not get lots of direct appreciation. Depends on your office and manager. If you need to get more than you’re getting, try scheduling a regular check in meeting with your manager (weekly? monthly? whatever makes sense for your workplace) where you go over where you are re various duties/projects/goal, what you’ve accomplished, what’s still in progress, upcoming goals, how well you are doing.

    20. CRM*

      For the portion of your question that deals with lack of positive feedback- I’d say that’s pretty common. There are a lot of managers who don’t understand the importance of it. It’s just something you have to get used to.

      I know how you’re feeling though. During my first job out of college, my manager only ever discussed problems and mistakes with me. I was accustomed to the academic environment, which is built on consistent feedback of all kinds, so when I didn’t receive any positive feedback from my boss I assumed there was none to give. It wasn’t until I left that my boss exclaimed that I was an excellent employee and that my leaving would be a big loss for the company. I was so surprised! I genuinely thought I was a mediocre employee because I had never received any affirmation that I was doing well at my job.

    21. Safetykats*

      The amount of positive feedback you get from your boss is normally a function of your boss’s personality, and how often you interface with your boss. Some managers don’t think to thank people for doing their jobs – unless you’ve really gone over and above on something pretty important or visible. Some managers just don’t go out of their way to do so – so whether they express positive feedback depends on how available you are to express it to. So I’m going to say this is definitely within the spectrum of normal, although in your career you will probably have managers who are more effusive.

    22. A Consultant*

      Re: billable hours. First, I agree with the consensus that you bill “getting your head in the game” time to that project, especially because the boss is on you about more billable hours.

      However, I also think it would be really good for you to talk to your boss about it and about best practices for billing your time – ESPECIALLY because you are a two-person consulting company. He/she has a way that they think about billable time already, a way of approaching this kind of time tracking, even if they haven’t made it explicit. Take this as an opportunity to ask for guidance/clarification on the nuances now that you’ve been on the job for a while. As a boss of junior consultants in the past, this is a conversation I welcomed because I’d rather they do it right and consistently than just be wildly guessing. This isn’t a thing new employees just KNOW how to do.

    23. Mel*

      Positive feedback will vary from company to company – or even manager to manager. I never thought I cared about it until one day, after 9 years at a company, I got a new manager who gave lots of great feedback. It felt wonderful! But that was the first time in 9 years.

      I definitely bill “start up time” to the next project. Figuring out that you need to do a project is part of a project.

    24. Not So NewReader*

      For your own peace of mind, assume you will get little to no expression of appreciation. This has helped me to better HEAR appreciation when it does come out.
      “You took over X and that has been a load off my mind since you did that.”
      “Nice catch on Y, lots of people miss it.”
      “Oh you are just the person I wanted to see….”
      Expressions of appreciation can come in odd costumes. It pays to listen closely for those tidbits.

      I did work one place where the way you knew you were doing a good job was because no one “yelled” at you. I taught myself to understand what silence means. I simply assumed silence meant something bad was simmering, and this is not always true. I found it was a good strategy to assume things were going well until I was directly told they were not going well. This does not mean act like a know-it-all. It just means there is no need to keep looking around nervously when there is no immediate reason. Still ask questions and be receptive to people who want to give you tips.

    25. Bulbasaur*

      Point #1 varies a lot by company, but unfortunately your situation is not all that uncommon.

      Point #2: in most case it would be normal to bill this time. If it’s avoidable (for example, context switching from working on multiple things at once) then it can make sense to find ways to cut down on it, but if you’re doing it then you bill for it.

    26. Rose by another name*

      Just stopping by to thank people for this thread. I’m lucky to have a supervisor who gives clear, detailed feedback about what needs to be changed, but the office culture doesn’t include abundant praise. Silence on a subject means that I’ve met the (stringent, for good reason) standards.

      I’m fine with that after figuring out that’s how life works around here, but it did take a little adjustment.

  13. Anon16*

    This is the perfect post for me! I’m currently an Executive Assistant at a mid-sized company. During my phone interview, I was asked if I would be willing to do up to 10 hours of receptionist work. I said yes – I hadn’t planned to stay in the job long-term, so I didn’t mind doing that short-term.

    When I got to the job, I found out there was no set schedule, it was just whenever the receptionist had to leave the desk to do other responsibilities. That meant I could get requests last minute (less than 24 hours or sometimes within 30 minutes), which made it difficult to schedule work/meetings. Additionally, the reception desk was in another building that was a ~15 minute drive. This didn’t happen too frequently, so it a minor inconvenience but still a little annoying.

    Recently, however they’ve asked to designate 10 hours/week to work as the receptionist. This is after a year of having it occasionally, so I feel I’ve developed a rapport in my current office, and it feels like a significant change in the job at hand, despite the fact I’d agreed to do it during the initial phone interview. I’m an Executive Assistant, so I feel my priority should be near my boss, even physically. There are still changes in the schedule, sometimes last minute – we had scheduled it towards the end of the day to cut out travel time (30mins/day), but I still get requests for changes in coverage if there’s an emergency the receptionist needs to attend to.

    I’ve pushed back a little , but was essentially told by my boss this is how things are for now and I need to suck it up. I like this company and want to stay long-term, but I am concerned that this isn’t a good use of my time.

    I think this is inconvenient, not a good use of either of our time. The receptionist does a LOT of work that is not reception work (hence why I need to cover), and they’ve opted for this solution vs. promoting her and hiring someone else. On my end, I’m pulled away 25% of my time doing essentially a different job in a different office.

    Am I being unreasonable? Everything about this company is great, this is just one weird hiccup. I don’t want to leave, but don’t want to be doing reception work long-term.

    Any options/advice is helpful.

    1. Eleanor Shellstrop*

      So I’ve worked with a lot of EAs and this is not normal. In my company there’s a strong understanding that EAs have to be flexible and able to do whatever the exec needs whenever
      However, I see that in your post that your boss (assuming the exec) has told you this is how it is. With that in mind, they clearly feel that you covering is a priority, so you might need to accept that

    2. Emily*

      I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable. Like, if you said you were regularly working extra hours beyond what you were previously working or expected to be, that would be unreasonable of them, and I’d say you should push back more on that. But if they’ve decided that this is a good use of your time, that’s ultimately their call. And if you decide this isn’t the kind of work you want to be doing and you find another job, that’s your call.

      1. Anon16*

        It’s eating into lunch breaks and my ability to do personal things (errands during the work day). It has not ate into my ability to complete my work yet, so I haven’t pushed back against that. It’s annoying, though. Like I said, I don’t always take breaks for lunch so that’s how it’s impacting things.

        I don’t want to leave because this company is great in a lot of other aspects, but I feel they’re forcing me out by telling me this is what I need to do. I’m 27, so I’m thinking about my career long-term and don’t feel this is a good use of my time.

        1. Rusty Shackelford*

          Losing your lunch breaks due to this arrangement does seem abnormal, particularly if you’re exempt. The rest of it is annoying but yeah, it happens – if they only need a 25% FTE for that role, they’re very unlikely to hire a 100% FTE.

        2. CmdrShepard4ever*

          You don’t like the reception work and based on the other work you need to do it doesn’t seem like a good use of your time. Really it is YOUR (I don’t mean this in a bad or negative way) circumstances that changed, you were not planning to stay long in the position so you figured 10 hrs a week of receptionist work is fine. But now that you are thinking of staying long term you don’t want to do 10 hours a week of reception work, that if your prerogative (that is great if that is what you want), but now you have to decide if the job is worth it the way it is now. The company/boss has decided that 10 hrs a week of reception work is a good use of your time.

          I get why you feel that they might be forcing you out. But I don’t think they are trying to do that. They were very honest and upfront with you on what their needs were. That fact that in the first year they didn’t use you up to the 10 hrs of reception work a week they asked about doesn’t mean they switched the job on you.

          I get it I work in an admin role that is a kinda a grade above receptionist, but I occasionally will have to fill in and do receptionist work. Doing it occasionally I don’t mind it, but if the roll was 10/30 or 20/20 hr split I would not want to do it. I would start looking for another job.

        3. BookLady*

          Agree with Rusty. Losing your lunch breaks is not normal.

          You said this hasn’t cut into your ability to do your work yet, but you also say that it doesn’t feel like a good use of your time. Your boss clearly thinks it is a good use of your time because they’ve continued to ask you to do it, and it hasn’t affected your work output in your EA role. I imagine you feel this way because it’s eating into your personal time for lunch and errands, which is totally understandable. But that means it’s a different conversation with your boss.

          If your lunch is time that you are allowed to take, it’s reasonable for you to tell your boss that in order to do the coverage you’re being asked to do, it’s impacting your lunch breaks in X way. (“I only get 5 minutes to scarf down food before I have to be ‘on’ at the reception desk” or “Time that I used to allocate to running personal errands over my lunch break is now spend driving to the other office” or whatever.) Ask if there’s anything that can be done to make sure you get your break time, especially if your state labor laws dictate that you must get certain breaks.

          Sorry, this moved a little beyond the normal/not normal ask, but ultimately, I think that if your boss is telling you that this is part of your job, that’s their prerogative, and it’s in the realm of normal. But being forced to give up your break time, especially if certain breaks are legally mandated, may not be normal.

          1. Patty Mayonnaise*

            Seconding everything Booklady said – the abnormal part of this is losing your lunch break to do this work and still get everything done.

          2. Glitsy Gus*

            Yes. Some of this is weird, and I would say not normal (DRIVING between two desks is not normal) but my concern is the breaks.

            If you are non-exempt you do need to bring up to your boss that while you can do this, you also legally need to be able to take a break, and the 15 minute drive doesn’t count. I would also say something like, “while I am still able to complete the work you are assigning, this arrangement is making it very difficult to schedule the weekly teapot roundup meeting and I’m regularly having to move the Saucer Simposium. How would you like me to adjust this so it can work?”

            Then I would look for a new EA gig. I wouldn’t say this is a GET OUT NOW thing, but it is a don’t let the grass grow around your shoes one. This is not a great situation for you and unless it is a weird, “this is only for 6 months until someone is back from maternity leave” situation or something I can see this going south for you when you look to get promoted but are denied because either a) it’s a pain to find someone else to help cover Reception and you’re just so GOOD at it. Or b) spending so much time at Reception (and driving back and forth) has prevented you from learning the necessary “promotable skills” and therefore cannot move forward. I have been in this boat and it sucks and is very demoralizing. Go ahead and use this as a springboard to something better, don’t stay until you’re worn out and stuck.

      2. Anon16*

        Sorry if I come across as whine-y at all. I haven’t had enough coffee and am a little cranky.

        1. valentine*

          I think you can find an employer where you can focus on your EA work.

          They could hire a temp. This doesn’t make sense. The fact they didn’t tell you all the details and they want to formalize it isn’t good. Stop giving up your lunch and meetings (unless the latter is mandatory). Tell them you need x minutes’ notice.

      1. Salamander*

        Yeah, this. The fact that you actually have to change locations to do coverage is not normal.

      2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        Yeah, I was thinking the thing that pushes this from normal to weird for me is that it’s a 15 minute DRIVE to the reception desk that needs covering. Pop down the hall, sure. From the seventh floor to the third, no big. Fifteen minute drive? That’s weird.

        1. Anon16*

          I should be clear – 15 minutes between leaving my office and getting to the other building, the drive itself is not 15 minutes.

          1. ..Kat..*

            This 30 minutes should be time that is on the clock. This is different from your commute to and from home. I am assuming you are non-exempt. So if you are losing part of your lunch hour, you should be paid for this time.

            If they are calling you exempt, I recommend you look up the legal definition of it online.

        3. theletter*

          +1 this. Driving to another building to cover a desk is very weird. I feel like “accidentally” getting stuck in traffic once or twice ought to solve this problem for you.

      3. Sam.*

        Right, I was fully prepared to be like, “Yep, normal,” until I saw that she has a 15 minute commute specifically to do this coverage. As a regular thing, that seems odd and annoying. Hope there’s plenty of parking near the other building…

      4. The New Wanderer*

        It just doesn’t seem like a good use of anyone’s time here. The EA is being physically uprooted from her primary (more challenging) duties to cover the less challenging aspects of the receptionist’s job while the receptionist does more challenging things. Wouldn’t the company be better off with a part timer or temp to manage the reception work?

        But the question is, is it normal? I’d say borderline because the covering part seems normal and was mentioned up front, but the actual practice of disrupting your main work and driving to another building part of every day seems poorly executed.

    4. Detective Amy Santiago*

      It does not seem normal to have someone *drive* from another building to cover the desk.

      That being said, it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get a change at this point, so the best advice I can give you is not to kill yourself to do everything. If losing that commute time means other things don’t get done, well, that’s just too bad. Management won’t make a change until they see a negative impact.

      1. TurquoiseCow*

        This. Don’t bust your butt to get everything done, or they’ll think things are fine. Let things fall by the wayside and when they ask why those things aren’t done, explain that it’s because you were off being a receptionist.

        If it was the same building it’d make sense, but having you drive over to another building is silly. Is there no one in that building you can cover for the receptionist?

        1. Anon16*

          Everyone else in that building works in the field. I’m an Executive Assistant so I think they’d prefer if I do it. My job isn’t client-facing. Junior people do cover her lunch breaks.

    5. TooTiredToThink*

      I worked at a place where they had the (sort of) EAs cover for the Receptionist for breaks/absences on a rotating basis. I don’t think that’s unusual at all, personally. However what I do find odd is that you have to travel to do this coverage. If its phone coverage; can they set up your phone for overflow calls?

    6. Bopper*

      Seems normal

      You agreed to do the receptionist work when you took the job.

      If you don’t like this, then perhaps this is not the right job for you.

      1. Glitsy Gus*

        The coverage, sure, that’s very normal. But needing to DRIVE to the Reception desk? That is not.

    7. CL*

      It’s not uncommon at all. In my experience, it tends to happen more at small and mid-sized companies, since they don’t usually have the number of people needed to cover every task, especially unexpected events. And in this economy, I’m not surprised that the company would rather continue this way rather than spend the money to hire a new employee. This is especially the case if the receptionist themselves have not complained about the workload, since they’re the one who is being pulled all over.

      What is uncommon (again, in my experience) is for the company to be so upfront about it from the beginning and to make sure you understood that it was part of the job before you were hired. It’s more usual for them to sort of mention it in passing and then for it to be a much larger part of the job than you were told.

    8. Rusty Shackelford*

      Also, they should be paying mileage for you to drive to the other location. And your driving time, if you’re hourly, should be on the clock.

    9. WellRed*

      I think this is normal but not cool. I also feel sorry for the receptionist who they won’t promote because they can use this arrangement instead. Are you sure you otherwise like this company?

      1. CmdrShepard4ever*

        We don’t know that the company has not fairly compensated the receptionist for the work beyond that position they are doing. A promotion might not make sense if they only need a person to do 10 hrs of non-receptionist work. Plus it is usually a good idea to have someone else trained as a back up for a front facing position like receptionist.

        1. Anon16*

          She is also doing work during her lunch breaks (which are covered by other people). For instance, she manages the maintenance team and has to be in the other building to oversee maintenance and has to make last minute trips to the store to buy supplies or take care of other emergencies in other office buildings, (these are the instances in which I get short notice about the coverage).

          Part of it is that she works in HR and needs to be away from the reception desk because she’s handling confidential information. I think what she does is *more* ridiculous than what I’m doing, but that’s another story.

          1. CmdrShepard4ever*

            Assuming she is non-exempt, she should be hourly and paid if she works through lunch. Under federal law you are not required to be given a lunch break. Some states do require an unpaid lunch break after a certain amount of hours but it really depends.

            It is perfectly normal for you to be unsatisfied with the position the way it is now and to look for another job. The driving to a different job location is not so normal but covering other other employees is. As someone else said you should be paid for the time spent traveling back and forth between your original location and second location.

            1. Anon16*

              We’re both salaried. That being said, maybe it is time to start looking for another job. I haven’t really found the right place for me since I’ve started working after college so I’d hoped I could really settle down a little more here, but I just frankly want to be spending 10 hours/week doing this.

              They were a little flustered that I pushed back against the 10 hours/week of receptionist work, so I can only imagine how they would respond to my asking to be compensated for the commute. They are trying to save money, so I think this would really irritate them.

              1. CmdrShepard4ever*

                If you are salaried and correctly identified as exempt then the being paid for travel time would not really come into play.

                If you are an EA and salaried/exempt you might be miss-classified. You can be salaried and non-exempt meaning your pay won’t be reduced for working under 40 hours, but it still means you need to be paid for overtime (usually on a weekly basis over 40 hrs, but in California it is on a daily basis over 8 hrs). EA’s can be properly classified as salary/exempt but are usually supporting high level exec’s and exercise a great deal of independence and their own decision making.

              2. Rusty Shackelford*

                What do you mean by “compensated for the commute?” Do you mean them paying for mileage? Because they absolutely need to be doing that. Or do you mean they don’t consider the commute time part of your working hours? They absolutely need to be doing that too, unless it’s something like them wanting you at either your regular location or the alternate location at 8 am, and it takes you 15 minutes longer to get to the alternate location. Commuting time before or after your scheduled workday is your responsibility. Commuting time during your workday is theirs, and they need to pay you for it. Not overtime, unless you’re non-exempt, but they can’t say “you need to work 30 minutes longer to make up for the time you were on the road.”

          2. WellRed*

            A receptionist doing HR work who also oversees maintenance? Cheap ass company with no growth potential. And it is NOT normal to habe to drive to cover a receptionist. Get out before they warp your expectations.

    10. StrongAreThyWalls*

      It’s not too uncommon to have to cover for somebody who doesn’t work at your location, though it’s definitely a pain when it’s last minute.

      Questions to pose to your supervisor:
      1. Can some of the receptionist’s other work that takes her away from the desk be done by you at your location?
      2. Can travel to the other location be part of work hours instead of the lunch hour? If I had to run errands during lunch for work, then my supervisor let me tack on an extra 30 minutes to my lunch hour.

    11. MoopySwarpet*

      I would think you could be counting the transit time as time worked vs cutting into your breaks (unless you start or end there for the day). Then if doing the reception portion and still maintaining your breaks cuts into your ability to do your work, they might look a little closer at it.

      It seems pretty abnormal to me that they would want the covering person to come from a building 15 minutes away vs one in the same building, but the coverage itself isn’t too weird.

    12. Galahad*

      It’s really common, in my experience, to share EA’s with other people or departments, as the workload and company costs demand. What that looks like can change every 6 months, too. You do need to ensure that you get your full lunch break, however. That should be part of your planned schedule. Coffee breaks are not required where I have worked, so someone switching roles mid day would not be able to demand them, especially if your main role allows you to use the w.c. during the shift or to drink coffee at your desk.

      If you really want to push back, start mentioning that you take transit some days and then start doing that, so your work has to figure out how to get you from A to B. I found that when I took transit, it made pushing back on overtime or mid-day building changes much, much easier. I assume use of your vehicle for mid-day changes was not discussed during your original interview..you are surprised to be relocated to another area? Do you get mileage now?

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        Facility change time should be paid not your lunch break.
        Since 15 min includes to&from your car, how long of a WALK is it?

    14. JSPA*

      Unusual, but very above – board. Not a bad sign that, this way, two people have fairly interesting jobs that keep them learning new skills.

  14. SadMidwesterner*

    I’m at my first job post-college. I know that much of what my manager does isn’t ok, but she’s leaving in a few months. Bigger questions:

    1. How much down time is too much? I often feel like if I apply myself and work constantly, I can get the whole weeks worth of stuff done on Monday morning. We are a very small admin team, so although I constantly ask for more there’s not a lot.

    2. Office gossip- how much shit-talking of other people (especially exec level) is normal?

    3. Should I just… feel sad all the time? This is a lot less specific, but I often get dizzy and queasy at work and it clears up when I leave. I’m starting to realize it’s an emotional response. I feel like I’m doing nothing, and no one notices me, and I’m very lonely. I often fantasize about getting hit by a car so I don’t have to go to work. I’m on anti-depressants and being closely monitored, but nothing seems to help when I’m actually in the office.

    1. Drax*

      I can’t speak to all of it, but number 3 is so so so not normal. Like your office is full of bees not normal. That is your body telling you to run. So listen to it. Start looking for another job and RUN

      1. That Girl From Quinn's House*

        Yes, this.

        I’ve had several jobs where I had either a feeling of dread or got a massive, massive migraine early on in the job, and said, “Aw it’s just newbie jitters, I’m sure it’s fine!” Only to realize after a month or so that it was not newbie jitters, it was me picking up on something not being right with the job.

        1. valentine*

          1. You should not be working constantly. The body needs rest and will fight you for it and win.
          2. Set your level to zero. Resist and do not engage. Cultivate a reputation for being anti-gossip/badmouthing.
          3. You are isolated. This is dangerous.

          It sounds like you need to escape to a job where you’re engaged and can engage with others (sans negativity).

        2. Drax*

          Right! Every single time I’ve ignored weird signs, it turns out I was right and something turned up that was not right. Like this one, I started getting stress headaches in my first few months. Almost done my contract and it’s a nightmare.

          Especially when it’s so bad you want to get HIT BY A CAR SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO. That’s so not okay and a massive flashing red flag. It’s a flag with giant blinking arrows and cheerleaders to get your attention.
          If you go home and cry regularly – new job.
          If you start exhibiting heavy stress symptoms constantly without reprieve -new job. Stress is a typical part of a job, but it should come in waves not be constant. If it’s constant you need to re-evaluate what’s what with the job and make some changes. A person can’t exist in a state of constant stress without any type of unwinding. That’s how burn out or major health problems happen.

    2. facepalm*

      I have a ton of downtime at my job, but I personally really enjoy it. I read books online, run my side business, etc. It’s why I stay at my job, actually. But some people hate downtime and feel bored if they don’t have work to accomplish. Can you work on some skills? Do free online trainings? Learn to code? Gain more marketable skills that could help you get another, less downtime-heavy job?

    3. Eleanor Shellstrop*

      1. Downtime is more normal than people admit, but 4/5 days? Not normal. Either you simply dont have enough work, they haven’t given you everything you need to do, or thirdly is it possible you aren’t doing everything the way / do the detail they want? You might just be very speedy, but that’s worth checking… But given my response to 2 and 3 don’t do this, just leave!
      2. Not normal and definitely not healthy
      3. Not normal but common. I’ve had this in a role and the only thing that cured it was leaving

      1. Glitsy Gus*

        I pretty much agree with you here.

        I will say a little gossipy trash talk can be normal, but it should be in the realm of , “I hear she spends $1500 on handbags! Can you imagine!?” if it’s more in the realm of, “Oh yeah everyone knows the CFO is an embezzling coke head…” that is not so normal. And not so great.

        Totally onboard with you for number three. We had a super high pressure rush to get a deadline out a couple months ago with several of us working very long, hard hours and my coworker did actually say to me, “Have you ever hoped that you would just get hit by a car? You know, not like bad, but just kinda clipped a bit so you would HAVE to take a couple weeks off?” But that was a short term, high pressure situation. If that is your normal, please talk to someone. Please do not sit alone with that. You deserve better, and whether it’s the job or something with your meds or whatever ultimately causing it, you don’t have to live with that. I really send you a lot of love and caring because that is not a fun place to be. If finding a new job is the answer for you I hope you find a new, better one very soon.

    4. Peridot*

      First things first, you should not feel sad all the time or be having intrusive thoughts. Work can be boring, but it shouldn’t make you feel queasy and miserable. Have you talked to your psych about adjusting your medication?

    5. LawBee*

      1. You shouldn’t be clearing a week’s worth of work in one morning. This is not normal.
      2. This varies, but you should stay out of it. Which I’m sure you are!
      3. Oh, no. Not normal at all. Please start looking for another job, and honestly – I’d be looking while you are AT this one. They’re not giving you anything else to do, go for it.

      This isn’t a good place. I’d be getting out asap.

      1. Escapee from Corporate Management*

        #3 is definitely not normal. It’s ok at times to feel frustrated, angry, or even sad at work. This should not be your everyday emotional state, though. Your mental health comes first–if you are happy outside of work and sad inside, please look for a new opportunity. Also, don’t feel guilty about it. It’s not you. Not every job is a good fit.

    6. Annastasia von Beaverhausen*

      Oh this is awful!

      At first I was going to say that down time in an entry level job is pretty normal, but you’re not supposed to feel totally despondent when you’re there!!

      I hope you’re applying for other jobs? If not, start. Even boring jobs that don’t have a ton to keep you busy aren’t supposed to make the grill of a bus look appealing!

    7. No Tribble At All*

      No, it’s not normal to feel sad all the time! From all three of your questions, you sound deeply unhappy at your work. It sounds like you finish everything early and sit around listening to other people trash each other. I’m glad you said you’re on anti-depressants, but it sounds like they’re not enough.

      It’s normal to be occasionally bored and annoyed at work, but it’s not normal to feel dizzy and want to get hit by a car. You should not have to feel this way. <3 These are symptoms of being Pretty Freakin Depressed, and I’ve been there, and you can feel better. I don’t know if you can, but if you can find any other job nearby, I think it would really help.

    8. Wednesday's Child*

      2. A lot of complaining/badmouthing is unfortunately normal, but not professional or appropriate. It’s very easy to get sucked in and think “I’m not doing it much” when in fact you are doing it way more than you should (even if it’s way less than everybody else!”

      3. No, you shouldn’t. I liked the work I did at old job, but the culture was so insidiously toxic and I just didn’t know any better and chalked it up to a challenging profession. I used to wish I’d trip going down the stairs and break my leg so that I could have time off for medical leave. I changed companies and the job is still challenging, but I’m 10,000x happier and off anti-depressants.

      You may want to see what happens after your manager leaves, but the overall bad culture may not change if the employees are stuck in their behaviors. I think that even if your new manager is completely opposite, they’ll shit-talk her for some reason or another. IMO, you should start applying elsewhere. You may also want to talk to your doctor about how you feel at work to see if something can be tweaked with your medication or new coping strategies developed. I’m rooting for you!!

    9. Greyhound*

      Caveat that I’m pretty new to the workforce too so take that into consideration with my response but here goes…

      1. One of the first people who commented talked about this so read that comment thread.

      2. In my (somewhat limited) experience this varies workplace to workplace, but I largely try and stay out of gossip altogether if I can. I don’t think it’s a productive use of my time and I find it can be a bit alienating and make it harder to form comfortable relationships with all of my coworkers.

      3. This doesn’t sound normal. You didn’t say nearly enough about your work place for me to have any sense if it’s a workplace problem or more of a personal mental health problem, though. It sounds like you are seeking help from a professional though, which I think is good. It’s terrible to feel the way you’re describing and I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I hope things look up a bit for you soon.

    10. yup*

      #3 – I’m so sorry. I was also there several years ago. Sometimes it spilled into my personal life, but leaving made a huge difference. The good news is that the root cause is the job and not your personal life (the opposite would be much harder to course correct). Things that helped me while I was looking for a new gig – talking to a counselor – great opportunity to use your EAP services if you have them. Writing out a letter of resignation with a future date. Finding ONE person who I bonded with at work – if your office is big enough, there is likely someone you have something in common with who also isn’t happy. Having that person to vent to helped me realize that I’m not the crazy one.

    11. User 483*

      For # 3 -It’s unfortunately fairly common to be depressed in jobs, but that doesn’t mean you should just accept it and give up.

      Weather may be playing some part with shorter daylight hours (and probably most of those spent indoors) but that it clears up as soon as you leave indicates that work is the largest cause.

      I would start to look at other opportunities. Figure out what it is about your job that makes you so sad and what parts (if any) you like, to help decide what to seek out or avoid in your next job. This could also be a good time to explore new hobbies or interests and decide if you want to maybe pursue a completely different career path.

    12. Pingüina*

      I worked for 18 months in a toxic job with tons of gossip and shit-talking. It was cathartic but very bad for me for two reasons. 1) It warped my sense of what the real issues in the office were and what I should put my limited power and time into addressing. 2) I often found myself going with the flow and agreeing to be grumpy about things I wasn’t actually bothered by. I loved my immediate coworkers, but I became a different person, one I don’t recognize any more. Leaving and joining an overall positive workplace where I get to set tone was just amazing.

    13. Detective Amy Santiago*

      How long have you been there? That much downtime is unusual and it is completely understandable that it leads to #3 (which is definitely not normal, for the record).

      When I started in my current position, I had a lot of downtime and it was incredibly frustrating. I was constantly asking for more to do and kept getting told that I needed to “slow down” and that they “didn’t want to overwhelm me”. It finally started improving after about 5-6 months when they realized that oh hey, I am capable of getting things done efficiently, quickly, and correctly. But I still have less of a workload than I’d like.

    14. Akcipitrokulo*

      1) yeah – see if there’s any on-line courses or development you’d be allowed to do in downtime?

      2) Don’t. Even if it’s common, don’t. Especially if you’re new.

      3) That’s not normal, and I’m glad you’re being supported with it. It might be that feeling more occupied could help. Some people find being able to take a walk outside (if you can) helps. But whatever works, be gentle and kind to yourself.

    15. Mel*

      I don’t know the answer to #1, but for #2, I think if there’s enough shit-talking going on that you bothered to ask about it, that’s probably not normal, and for #3, run! Everything you described there is definitely not normal. It doesn’t matter at all if everyone else at your office seems fine with it, it’s really not working for you and it would make me miserable too. Just about any other job will give you enough to do that you actually feel useful.

    16. Nelalvai*

      This is so much like what I’m dealing with. Even your handle, I’m a sad Midwesterner too. I can’t confirm whether it’s normal but I can double our sample size on all 3 counts. Work is slow, gossip is weird, I’m depressed.
      My far-away family tells me the gossiping is normal but shouldn’t be. And that the depression is cause I’m in a new town with a new job with no friends and it’ll get better as I settle in and meet people.

      I don’t know. Patience is important. But I’d really like a break from feeling like this.

    17. Jess*

      Check out L. S. Cooper’s thread towards the top of this post — there are a bunch of comments in it about *how* to spend the downtime that may be useful.

      As for 3 — feeling sad all the time is not normal, but it’s also not entirely surprising or uncommon. The transition from college to the work world is BIG. Even in the best healthiest jobs, it’s jarring to realize how much you don’t know and how little power you have and how little your hard-earned education counts for. (My liberal arts ivy league degree felt like a waste for about a decade, until suddenly I had enough *life* skill and experience that the two together were somehow really valuable and could work together.) And the job you’re in sounds particularly demoralizing because of manager/downtime challenge of it. For me, it made a big difference when I started making new friends and finding activities outside work to engage my brain and sense of purpose.

    18. BookLady*

      Number 3 is not normal. Please talk to someone about how you’re feeling and start job searching as soon as you can. Your job is not more important than your mental and emotional health.

    19. SometimesALurker*

      Sending you internet-hugs if you want them.

      My second job out of college, I had a pretty strong, negative emotional response to a crappy job, although not as bad as you’re describing. I ended up taking some sick days and going home “sick” when it was really “I want to cry and not stop,” by my therapist encouraged me not to lean on sick days or it would get even harder to go in. I ended up being let go at the end of six months — as far as I can tell, this partly because I didn’t meeting all of the expectations that had been communicated to me, but largely because they had done a very poor job of communicating expectations to me (I had a review a few weeks before that had gone fairly well.) At first, I was devastated, but the next day, I woke up and realized I never had to go there again, and it felt amazing. And… I realized that that place was not at all healthy for me. I wanted to stay and get better and thought the job would get better, but in retrospect, that job was the closest thing I’ve been in to an abusive relationship. I’m not going into the details why here because they are irrelevant, but hopefully you get the idea.

      It sounds like you’re already getting help, which is great. But, I’d also encourage you to take a serious look at your finances and your support networks, and if you can afford to quit this job without another one lined up, think about it. Maybe there are changes you can make to help the job take less of an emotional toll. If you can get away with it, use IM to talk to friends during the day, since you have so much down time. Work on job applications or side projects while you’re there. But, if you can’t do those things, or they don’t help, and you can afford to leave, it really is okay to leave your first job in under a year. In most fields, the disadvantage that puts you at in looking for your next job will not be as great as the damage done to you by a job that makes you want to be hit by a car.

      Hang in there!

    20. Ashie*

      As someone who suffers from depression but still likes her job, I’ll echo everyone else who says #3 is NOT normal. Please see your doctor and start getting out of there.

      As for #2, if there’s a lot of shit-talking going on it may be contributing to your general mood. It’s really hard to be happy when surrounded by complainers. It’s pretty common unfortunately but that doesn’t mean you have to listen or participate. Just don’t – everyone will be better off for it.

      1. EH*

        Same here. I have had depression for a long time, and have worked at a variety of companies. Some have been great, some have been terrible. The jobs that were good were good for me because I knew what I was supposed to be doing and did it, and felt at least a little supported and successful, even when my depression was acting up or I was changing meds. The jobs where my dermotillomania got reeeal bad when I was in meetings or where I spent time hiding in the bathroom to cry because being there made me so distressed? Those were bad, toxic jobs, and I waited too long to leave both of them.

        Learn from my mistakes, SadMidwesterner. Keep working on your depression, but take steps to find a new job. Even little steps. You deserve a job that doesn’t make you miserable. We all do. <3

    21. Asenath*

      1. That seems excessive. Some down time is normal, but that is a LOT.

      2. Stay out of office gossip. It’s tempting, I know, when you want to vent about someone or when you feel part of the group by participating, but it can too easily come back to bite you. And it can create a very negative mood in the office.

      3. No, that is not normal, and I have no medical training, but I do wonder if the having too much time on your hands and negative gossip to mull over aren’t making matters worse for your state of mind.

    22. De-Archivist*

      #3 Were you a high performer in college?

      If you were used to staying constantly busy and producing a high volume of high-quality work, it can feel like a serious let down to just produce a normal amount of quality work. Especially, if you have anxiety about feeling like you’re going to get caught “slacking off” when you’ve completed your work, I’d say this *could* be a normal response. Maybe find ways to occupy your time that feel productive. I mentioned in another comment, that I’ve taught myself Excel and have moved onto Adobe (both things that really help in my role).

      I don’t mean to pooh-pooh your concerns, though. If your job is making your miserable or if you think you might need to talk to someone because there’s something deeper there, please don’t just stay sad.

    23. LKW*

      #2 is dependent on the type of people you work with. I would say if your office culture is one to tear down other people… not what I would call mature, professional, healthy or any other positive word. In short, toxic people breed toxic culture.

      #3 It’s your brain telling you this is not the right job. It’s time to look for something better. I’ve had to tell two different people “Crying because of your job is a sign you are not in the right job”. It happens to the best of us.

    24. Samwise*

      2. Sadly, this happens too often, but it’s not normal in a well-functioning office.
      3. Oh honey, please call your therapist or a suicide hotline when you fantasize about getting hit by a car. This is really concerning. Please update in the weekly free for all (weekends) to let us know how you are doing.

      1-800-273-8255, available 24 hours a day, every day of the year.

    25. Blue*

      I have a long history with depression, but I know for a fact that my last job really exacerbated things. It sapped so much mental and emotional energy that I didn’t have enough left to effectively deal with my mental health, and it really suffered as a result. Depression being what it is, I obviously didn’t get magically better when I left for a new organization, but a new environment has definitely made things more manageable. I think it would definitely be smart to start looking because, no, that’s not normal or healthy. If nothing else, looking for other options might make you feel less stuck. In the meantime, definitely draw on your support network, therapist, etc. Take care of yourself, and hang in there. <3

    26. Eeyore's missing tail*

      For reference, I’m admin support that works in an office that deals with emergencies/issues/problems/all the fun stuff.
      1) Depending on the time of year, I can complete everything that I know needs to get done that week in a morning as well. I’m about 3.5 years into this job and it has been tough getting used to this. There are a few things I’ve found that have helped me. The biggest one is that I have to accept that part of my job needs down time so I can jump on an issue as soon as it pops up and handle it before it explodes. I finally stopped asking and started working on my own things I could find, like all of proposals dating from the 1960s. I work in academia, so this may not be helpful for you, but I decided it was also time to go back an earn my MPA on my job’s dime. If I’m slow, I pull out my homework and work on that. I’ve also learned how to pace myself. That really helps when it’s slow.
      2) It depends on your level of tolerance. We have a few admins that I just let talk at me and I move on with my day. Some people will talk massive amounts of shit and you learn to tune them out, and there are some that you’ll learn only complain when something is really, really wrong.
      3) Forgive me if I’m blunt, but this is very not normal. I was in a similar situation here (I honestly believed I could die in my office and no one would notice until it started it stink). You say you’re on meds, but are you talking to someone as well? That was the biggest thing that helped me. I had to reframe my job. This job is not my life and I keep doing it because it’s allowing me to do what I want. I have excellent benefits and a child-friendly office, so there are perks that make it more bearable. Please, if you aren’t already doing it, find a counselor, therapist, or someone to speak with. You deserve a better life than what those thoughts are telling you.

    27. jonquil*

      #1 In some entry-level jobs, I think it’s normal to have not much work to do, because the company figures that it’s worth the cost of your relatively low salary to have you around to do work as it comes up, rather than have to scramble for a temp/burden more senior employees.

      #2 Kinda normal, very bad. Rise above!

      #3 My spouse recently shared that they were waiting to get fired from their job so that they didn’t have to do the work anymore (there is no indication they are actually at risk of being fired). I think it’s not uncommon, when you are depressed (situationally or clinically) to feel powerless in your situation and to look for external events to change your situation for you. But you are not powerless! You are an intelligent, self-aware person who can absolutely leverage your work at this job (it’s not the size of the workload, it’s how you accomplished the work that matters in an interview!) to find one that is less soul-crushing. Those jobs exist, and now that you know about one work environment you don’t like you are better equipped to weed out the opportunities that won’t work for you.

    28. Not So Little My*

      I spent my 20s and early part of my 30s working secretarial/office admin jobs, which I was very good at, and there were certainly plenty of jobs where I had anywhere between 25%-90% downtime. Some downtime is good but that much can be mind-numbing. So I would say #1 is “normal” but not optimal, and that alone would indicate that it might be worth your while to find a different job.
      #2 is something that happens but is a sign of a toxic office. Again, “normal” but a sign to leave.
      #3 is definitely not normal. Ramp up your talk therapy if you have it, get a talk therapist if you don’t, push your med provider to consider tweaking your meds (be honest with them about your ideations), and GET THE F OUT OF THERE!!!

    29. Super Dee Duper Anon*

      I’m so sorry – this sounds like a pretty awful situation all around. To speak to each point:
      1. With admin work I’ve found there are two very distinct types of expectations regarding down time. Some places value an admin being ready to snap to attention at any moment. Therefore down time (even a large amount of down time) is expected. Admins are pretty much expected to be very protective of their time so that they are ready at a seconds notice for their professional. Other places want an admin that has a full workload and the admin is expected to prioritize their work responsibilities. So I wouldn’t say the down time is exactly abnormal (though it does sound on the high side), but it does sound like perhaps you’d better in a different environment.
      2. I’ve come across a really unhealthy dynamic a couple of times (in not great work environments) – where the admin or support staff does not feel valued, so they turn to shit-talking or complaining about the execs they support to regain some sense of worth. It’s not a healthy way to deal with the frustration, but I get it. It sounds like maybe that’s happening in your place. I wouldn’t say it’s normal, but it’s not uncommon and definitely not great.
      3. Not normal at all! And I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. If it helps – I was there too when I was in a role that I was very unhappy in (mainly because I was experiencing points #1 and #2). If at all possible, look for new role – it sounds like this is a poor fit. The stuff you’re describing is not uncommon, but still there are plenty of jobs where you will not experience that stuff. Another potential suggestion – if possible (I understand that this can be tough to do for various reasons) consider taking a leave absence or applying for FMLA – if you’re under the care of a medical professional who knows how depressed you are, I’m sure they will provide the medical documentation needed. My plan was to arrange for FMLA leave and then to use that time to job hunt like crazy. I was incredibly lucky to find a new job before I started that process, but I was fully prepared to do it.

    30. theletter*

      1 and 2 could very much be contributing to #3, and a lot of this could be coming from the manager who is leaving in a few months. Sometimes people who know they’re leaving just check out. She might not be fighting for projects for her team anymore. She might have given up on setting and enforcing regular processes for her team anymore. This is probably contributing to your lack of work. It is a huge red flag.

      A little office gossip is normal, shit talking at the executive level is not, this is also a red flag.

      Feeling as despondent as you describe is NOT normal, but you shouldn’t feel alone: anecdotally I’ve heard stories of ‘recent grad blues’. Corporate America can be a bit of a culture shock. People initially feel weird about sitting at a desk for eight hours . . . as we should! See if you can work a little time in your downtime to exercise, even if it’s just walking around the block. Take note of other companies in your neighborhood. See if they’re hiring.

      Almost every time I’ve moved jobs, I’ve had a brief period of emotional anguish. It’s weird to not feel totally “useful”, to miss old friends and habits that gave comfort daily. You are not alone.

      One thing you can do with your downtime to is do some research into Project Management. It’s a huge industry full of useful reading material and is applicable to pretty much all fields. The gentle logic of it makes me feel like I have more control over my life.

    31. Tangerina Warbleworth*

      Everyone here has given you some great tips about coping with depression, so I second what they’ve said. Regarding office shit-talking, though, I’ve come to a point after 23 years in the work force where I will make A Thing out of it.

      For me, shit-talking at work is tantamount to an unsafe work environment, like when there’s asbestos or danging live wires. Blowing off steam once in a while is normal, and everyone has to do that in order to re-focus. But constant, round-the-clock “I hate this place they’re so stupid” f*cks with your head, and people who indulge in it, I’ve found, are usually giant scared babies. Consequently, I’ve gotten somewhat obnoxious about it. If I hear someone saying how much they hate working under Ms. Whomever for the 100th time, I look them in the eye and ask, “Then why don’t you leave?” When I hear someone loudly bitching about how they can’t bring their dog to work, what’s wrong with the place, lots of other workplaces allow dogs, I ask, “Then why don’t you go work there?”

      Understand: 99% of the time I am thoughtful, kind, and professional. I also don’t yell when I say these things, but state them as perfectly reasonable choices, because they are.

      Whether or not you may find this empowering, I can’t say, but it is an option. You might have to field garbage reactions like the silent treatment, because giant babies; and that isn’t any fun when you’re already feeling isolated and depressed. But it can feel really good to call out the giant babies with a short, direct question and then ignore any baby reactions like the strong professional you are.

    32. Emilitron*

      #3 – I don’t want to say this “isn’t normal”, because yes, this is 100% within the normal way that humans operate. But no, this is not normally an operating state for a job you can/should be staying in. In fact, if I find myself fantasizing during me morning commute about possible disaster scenarios that would result in my not going to work today, this is a prime indicator that something has to change. I look at what’s going on that’s making me dread it, and sometimes it’s a particular project deadline or team member, or something I can wait out – but in reality this is the one single thing that is my prime indicator it’s time to get a new job. But I wanted to reassure you that your reaction is not abnormal at all!

    33. Deb Morgan*

      #3 – Not normal. I could have written this about my first post-college job because I felt exactly the same (including hoping to be hit by a car to have an excuse to not go to work). Not normal, not normal, not normal. The thing that helped me was quitting. I moved back in with my parents, took some time to gather myself, then found a job that was such a breath of fresh air, especially in comparison to my previous job. You can and will find a job that doesn’t make you sad. I’m hoping it will happen for you like it happened for me. Good luck, and please update us later if you can.

    34. Mel*

      I had a similar job. Nasty coworkers. Not so much complaining about the bosses, but nit picking at each other all the time. It was awful. Sunday nights I would just cry. On my way home I often thought of driving my car into a tree.

      Then they cut my hours way back. I should have been devastated – I had no savings at all – but I went home singing. And I realized how much of my depression was actually just working with those awful people all day. Not all of it. But a lot.

      My next job wasn’t a cake-walk, but my coworkers were so kind and it helped me get in a better frame of mind around work.

    35. Oranges*

      Speaking to #3 since I’ve been there done that. “If I got in a horrific car accident I wouldn’t have to go to work. How do I make it look accidental and not kill me?” was something I thought daily going to work. Funnily enough the job was so bad that I didn’t have enough energy left over to actually job search. So… practical advice times.

      Can you work from home AT ALL? Since you can get your work done so quickly that leaves you time to job hunt and clean your house/go out into the world/really anything that helps your depression.

      Can you find someone who’s not toxic and try to be their friend at work?

      Can you make a list of what you need to do that day and check things off? Something along the lines of: 1) Do an hour of work, 2) Look at 1-3 job boards or an hour of job searching 3) learn a foreign language/how to knit/something you’ve wanted to learn about. 4) Do something that helps your depression (a walk, a phone call, light therapy, meditation, whatevers).
      Notice everything past #1 is something that YOU want to do and everything past number #2 is something pleasingly productive for you. They’re paying you to do work, you’ve done the work, now you can do work for yourself.

      Can you make an emergency plan? If you literally couldn’t go into work tomorrow because there was a force field around it that only worked on you. What would you do? Do you have a safety net? If not, get one in place. If you have non-judgmental people who care about you: TELL THEM. It’s scary. It feels like you’re failing at being an adult. Trust me, they don’t want you to hurt this much just so you can perform “Adult” for the rest of society.

      True Story: I’m 36, I live with my parents because I can’t perform “Adult” for the rest of society because brain issues. Yes people judge me but you know what? That sounds like a them problem. If they want me to be in pain all the time just to hit an expected “Not Live at Parents Milestone” then… they kinda suck?

      I would be in the same emotional state if I were in your shoes. So please. Gather your team. You can say: “Hey this job is slowly making my depression worse and I’m afraid of what will happen if I stay in it another “x” months/much longer/whatever. I need help job hunting/a place to stay/free therapy is that something you can help with?”

    36. Can't Think of a Name*

      1. Normal (see upthread)
      2. It’s normal, but don’t make it your normal. Don’t engage in it or listen to it, lest people assume you agree with the shit-talkers by association
      3. VERY NOT NORMAL. In my old job, I also would have stress reactions before, and eventually during, work (nausea, vomiting, panic attacks) and would come home every day crying. I’d have to psych myself up to get out of bed and all the way to work. It was one of my first jobs and I do have depression/anxiety, so I thought it was normal, but IT IS NOT. It is your body telling you something is seriously wrong – listen to it!! I promise you that even when you have mental health issues, this is not normal, especially if your symptoms are relieved when you’re not at work. I was amazed by how much better my life got after I quit my old job.

    37. CynicallySweet*

      For 1 i think it depends on the work. My office has admins that are constantly running around and admins that sit on Facebook all day bc someone needs to man the phones that don’t ring.

      #2 no idea

      #3 leave. I know this feeling. I had this feeling. This is the feeling that had me crying in my bosses office at a performance review. The situation wasn’t entirely the same, but the physical manifestations of what ur feeling can get worse (I was regularly throwing up b4 leaving for work). This is not normal. U say u have a ton of free time, I’d suggest using it to polish up the resume

    38. Not So NewReader*

      I was with ya, until I hit #3, OP. I have only had that happen a couple of times and I know first hand it means one thing, “LEAVE. NOW”.

      Number three stands alone as a deal breaker, OP. That is enough reason right there.

      I wish someone had helped me with this when I first encountered it. My parents did not talk about work except to say negative stuff. So I assumed that everyone struggled at work. WRONG. Not like this, OP. People do have difficulties at work, but it should not be survival level difficulties. You are limping through from one minute to the next, the struggle is that bad.

      Here is something that I think is key. My wise friend pointed out that people NEED to contribute. I am not talking want, I am saying need. Need, as in on a par with we need water and food. It’s a basic need that most people have, they NEED to make a contribution, preferably a MEANINGFUL contribution, they don’t want to do make-believe work and they certainly don’t want to sit around and do nothing. If people can’t make a meaningful contribution something inside of them dies.

      What you are going through now is called “soul-sucking” and this is because it’s pulling the life right out of you. Most people would struggle with having not much to do most of the week. If we stay at such work too long, our interest in living life tapers off and melts away.

      On the plus side you have some things going in your favor:
      1) As if it’s happening on an intuitive or subconscious level, you are thinking, “Something is not right here.”
      Good for you, OP, for paying attention to that nagging voice.
      2) You posted here. OP, brilliant move! Really smart. This is the best place to talk about such work problems.
      3) You are bored, you are feeling devalued and disconnected. That means that you know this is not how you want to work/live. You haven’t lost YOU, OP, you are having a normal reaction to a really bad work place.

      Among the other suggestions here, I’d like to suggest that you post to the Friday open thread and tell us how your job search is going. It’s like a date with, oh, a million other people. But everyone is cheering for you. You can do this, you can find something better. You deserve it. We all do.

      1. marshu*

        So much this. This is something I sadly learned by experience – I was in a job that made me depressed, and I stayed for so many reasons… I liked my coworkers, they had free snacks, I thought the company mission was important, I didn’t think I could find a better paying job, I thought things would get better when we got a new manager… okay, maybe when the new manager adjusts… okay, maybe when the department is reorganized… I stayed because all my coworkers were almost as miserable, and I thought that if they weren’t leaving, why should I?

        I got fired. Partially because the environment was toxic, and partially because my depression and bad work habits led to very poor work product.

        The next job I had was almost as toxic, and payed less, but I left on purpose and on my own timeline which is one of the most empowering things I’ve done in my life. Recognizing when something is not the right place for you to be, and then taking action, is a tremendous step. Do what Not So NewReader suggests, it is extremely good advice.

        1. Rosaline Montague*

          I’m pretty amazed by the number of people who have had the same car accident fantasy I had at OldJob. For me, the job dissatisfaction was compounded by Other Factors in my life, like having moved across the country far away from my friends and family…having a spouse who was knee deep in grad school and rarely home…having a major health issue that affected my quality of life…being in a toxic office where I had no clear working goals or parameters…so I would echo the advice to see a therapist, find some ways to use all that down time, and keep yourself out of the muck at work if at all possible. Hugs to you!

      2. Quandong*

        Not So NewReader thank you so much for writing this. I hope many people benefit from reading it.

    39. Argh!*

      2 & 3 are normal in the context of No. 1:

      Some people love having little to do. Some people have a lot to offer and a low tolerance for boredom. Those who love having little to do become gossips. Those who hate it become depressed.

      If you can spend the down time learning something new or working on a project that you can put on a resume, that may relieve you from #1 and #3 a bit, and you’ll be too busy for the gossips to talk to.

      The best thing I’d want to hear in response to “Why are you leaving the job” is that it isn’t rewarding for you and you don’t have enough to do!

  15. thedovetail*

    I work in a field that requires employees to perform complex technical production work on our computers 8 hours a day straight. The work is process-based, not project-based — when a task comes in, we have to immediately handle it. The workflow is pretty continuous. We can take breaks as needed, but most of us only take breaks for 10 minutes at the most. We are also supposed to let our team know if we are stepping away from our desks, even if for just a minute. We can usually grab lunch, for the most part, and then eat it at our desks. Is this normal?

    1. Four lights*

      Depending on how you’re classified, you should probably be getting a set amount of time for lunches and breaks away from your desk. Other than that it’s normal. I did data entry once and never left my desk except for breaks.

    2. Juniantara*

      This isn’t abnormal for a call center environment, where your availability to process the work is part of the job. However, places that demand that sort of availability are generally hourly non-exempt positions and generally schedule you a lunch away from your desk.

    3. CAA*

      Sure, this is normal in a lot of jobs. What you describe is pretty typical in call centers, some insurance jobs, some finance jobs, some IT jobs, etc.

      1. Holly*

        What in UK law would make this not legal? It sounds like OP is able to take breaks including lunch breaks.

        1. valentine*

          It sounds like breaks are possible, but the culture is anti-break. I would hate for people to know I was on the can for a solid half-hour, but if they’re gross enough to monitor me so closely, they earned every bit of it. Take your breaks, thedovetail.

          (Also, if you have to notify someone in person or via phone, see if they’ll adopt IM and you can just set your status.)

        2. Weegie*

          By law, the minimum break time is 20 minutes (taken all at once, not broken up into 2 X 10-min breaks) if you work more than 6 hours.

    5. Manana*

      Very normal for many jobs, particularly centralized service teams, call centers, production lines, etc. That you can take breaks as needed (as opposed to allowing only the legal minimums) is a decent thing to do for this type of work as long as getting up to step away and refresh for a couple minutes is encouraged and supported by leadership.

  16. Redux*

    My employer has a policy against raises. There is no grade/step system, so salaries are based on initial negotiation and are, as far as I can tell, not on parity with one another. There have been no raises in literally 10 years (since the market crash). There is no COLA increase. Instead, annually we get a $1,000 bonus across the board– not based on performance, longevity, or salary. I’ve been here two years now and am only just realizing this. Should I run?

        1. Tigger*

          I have no idea, this is my first salaried job. I thought COLA was normal cause my dad always got one but that was back east in the legal world so that has its own sets of rules

        2. Falling Diphthong*

          It’s normal, particularly if the individual business and broader field are both doing well–if you aren’t offering a yearly COLA then your people will leave for somewhere that will pay them more.

          A year or two with no raise would be normal in a downturn–the company is making less money than before and trying to cut expenses, and if this is going to also be true of most of their local competition–a sector-wide downturn–there’s not much risk to them. Ten straight years is weird.

          1. Psyche*

            Yeah. Some companies do not do yearly COLA, but 10 years without COLA or raises is not normal.

          2. buttrue???*

            There is a difference between a COLA and a cost of doing raise. A COLA is based on inflation and has a formula to determine it. Other wise your raise is based on you’re doing a good job, the company is healthy, we don’t want people to leave, etc. All business reasons not a predetermined formula applied without regard to business needs or concerns.

          3. Artemesia*

            I worked in an environment for 35 years where raises were rare; even promotions didn’t merit raises in every case. But nearly ever year there was at least a 2% COLA type ‘raise’. A few people might get 3 or 4 but the raise pool wasn’t enough to really reward merit — but still COLA raises minimal through they were, were the norm.

            If you aren’t getting that, then you are literally being paid less each year. Time to casually with no rush begin to explore options for moving elsewhere.

        3. CAA*

          Yes and no on whether “COLA” is normal. I have never worked at a company that separated COLA and merit increases. As a manager, I usually get a budget that says my team’s salary increase for next year is $x. I decide how to divide that $x among my team members, though usually I have to follow some rules such as low performers don’t get anything and nobody can get more than y% unless they get promoted or the CFO approves. In companies that handle things this way, almost everyone gets a raise every year, but the amount an individual gets is not explicitly tied to an inflation rate or change in the cost of living.

          I have also been in environments where suddenly the job market got hot and we would start losing good people because competitors were poaching them at much higher salaries. In that case, a company may do mid-year increases for everyone in a specific job category. That usually has a negative impact on other areas of the budget though, because the money has to come from somewhere, so things like travel or education may be cut, or some other department may get a lower salary budget for next year.

        4. Glitsy Gus*

          It depends. I was at a job that didn’t get even a COLA raise for three years because there just wasn’t any money for them. Once we pulled out of whatever spin we were in and started turning a profit again COLA adjustments came back, but merit increases were very rare.

          Sometimes it just depends on the financials. To just flat out state that no one ever will get a raise, regardless is not normal, though. It’s also not a great way to keep good employees. They may has well hang a sign on the door that says, “Great Employee Fishing Hole” and just let their competitors come take their pick of who they want.

    2. Four lights*

      Some places do do this, especially small companies. But it’s not really good. If you don’t get any kind of cost of living increase then you’re making less money each year. If a small company doesn’t have the money for raises one or two years, that’s normal, but to actively decide never to give anyone raises isn’t good.

    3. Lisa*

      Yes. You are effectively making less and less each year that you work there. I’d recommend cleaning up your resume and taking a look around for a company that recognizes that inflation is a thing.

    4. Long Time Lurker*

      Run.

      Any company with a “policy against raises” isn’t going to attract or retain really good people- and that’s going to have a cascading effect on office culture, quality of the work done, etc. etc.

      1. Tigger*

        It’s funny cause the culture is great and the average time people are here is 18 years. From what my boss told me this is a new policy since we had a change in ownership 3 years ago. We are all in a weird space.

        2. Redux*

          We have really long-timers, too. Our HR Director has been here 25 years! I’m like, lady, you are making SO MUCH LESS than you were 25 years ago, why are you still here?

        3. Glitsy Gus*

          I might see what you could find out about this new policy they’re talking about.

          If it’s that the company needs to hit X% profitability before raises can be considered, that isn’t super abnormal, and it can take a company a few years to hit that mark after a major change. If the % is too high, though, they will end up losing a lot of good people.

          If it really is “no raises, no how,” stick around for a year or so if you like it there, but then look for something else, because as others have said, the longer you stay there the less buying power you have with the same salary and so you’re basically losing money sticking around and probably doing more complex work.

    5. Perse's Mom*

      Not normal! I’ve worked in retail, non-profits, and now an office job and every one of them has done annual reviews with raises. The raises weren’t always very much, and not always guaranteed if you were a subpar employee, but they at least had them!

    6. ursula*

      I’d say this is not unheard of, but also not common/standard and certainly not something you should feel the need to settle for (unless there are other benefits that make up for it or life circumstances that are keeping you there). I’d run.

    7. Erin Withans*

      RUN. Your salary has functionally gone down while you are there. Normal companies give raises, especially now that we’re not in 2008 anymore.

      Also, wow are they rubbing up against a potential wage gap case, here, given what you said. Run for that reason, too.

    8. Bopper*

      I think that sometimes companies do this because they don’t want the vast majority of their workers to stay for very long. You got a first job out of this (or just a job) but they don’t intend for you to make it a career. It keeps their costs down.

    9. Escapee from Corporate Management*

      Not normal, but not unheard of. That said, it’s often a sign of poor management. Pay attention to other ways they treat employees to see if this is more likely (a) ignorance of good management techniques, or (b) management that doesn’t really care about their workforce.

    10. Akcipitrokulo*

      I’d leave. Not getting raises as a matter of policy is huge, huge red flag for me, and I’d leave.

    12. TechieRose*

      Well known company here – we do not have any COLA increases but there is a yearly raise/bonus/promotion structure. So I would say it is not normal to have no processes that at least provide the potential to increase base pay.

    13. LKW*

      Yes, you should leave. Basically they are saying “Your value to us decreases with every day you are here.”

    14. NACSACJACK*

      COLA is not normal. Twice in my career, I have had salary adjustments due to market changes, but essentially our annual raises could be considered COLA adjustments. They are not, they are considered salary increases by the company, but they are small, so…

      Significant salary adjustments come from promotions. Any place not really to give raises or promotion should be exited immediately.

    15. NotAnotherManager!*

      No raises at all for a decade is not normal at all. I’ve seen a lot of variation in whether there are specific COLA v. merit v. market catch-up increases, but zero raises at all (for A DECADE?!?!) is WTF territory.

      Yes, I would run very far away as soon as humanly possible.

    16. theletter*

      No raises for 10 years, no COLA increase = this company is waiting for bankruptcy. You’ve done your two years, start sending out resumes.

    17. FloralsForever*

      The only reason I could see to stay is if they offer some sort of other compensation that will give you a significant increase in salary when you eventually leave (if salary is your primary motivation for working at this company). For example, I am a teapot counter. I learned how to count teapots on the job, when most people learn in school, so I don’t have practice in some specific ways of teapot counting. My employer is offering to train me on the ways I don’t know so when I leave I can ask for a 20% salary increase, as my teapot counting skills will be more well rounded.

      Other than that, this is a huge red flag.

      1. AlwaysAnOutlier*

        Run, run, run. And when you run, make sure you know what you’re really worth, or you could perpetuate the problem by taking a salary that’s too low based on your skills, just because you think the number looks huge and wonderful compared to what you make now. You could be worth twice (or more!) what you’re making now. Good luck!

  17. Tigger*

    Oh my goodness this post came at the perfect time! Is it normal to have a corporate policy of no raises? The CEO made it clear to me in my 9-month review yesterday he doesn’t think that people deserve to get a yearly COL raise just because they managed to not get fired for 365 days. The last time anyone in my company got a raise was 4 years ago when the then owner who was suffering from a terminal disease had a warm and fuzzy moment and gave everyone 5% raise (from his personal assets) at Christmas.

    2. CatCat*

      It is a weird policy and also the CEO’s standards are super out of whack! The company only wants a caliber of employee that “managed to not get fired.” What a low bar!

      This sounds like a place where high quality work is not rewarded. I wouldn’t stay.

      1. Tigger*

        It is even more annoying because my core function basically changed 6 months in. I went from juggling handkerchiefs to juggling chainsaws on fire. And the person who I took over for and already outpacing in terms of performance was making almost double I make.

        1. Glitsy Gus*

          Ask for a raise. Don’t wait for him to offer it, because he won’t, but go in and say “one year ago I was doing the handkerchief thing. I did it very well, here is the email proof that my handkerchief act was the best, and now I am also doing the chainsaw thing, which as we both know is significantly more challenging. I do think this work is of a higher standard I I would like $2.50 more an hour for the chainsaws.” He may still say no, but this is how to get around the “managing not to get fired” BS.

          As for Cost of Living or whatever, I have worked in places that were having a bad year or three and just could not afford to give them. Sometimes thems the breaks. To no believe inflation is a thing that affects both employees lives and wages, though is not normal.

          Ask for the raise, but still look for a better chainsaw juggling job at a better circus.

    3. Eleanor Shellstrop*

      Not normal. We have a mandatory raise for COL each year (around 2%). It can vary depending on your base pay, where you sit depending on your team. It’s completely mandatory for staff under a certain grade. Over a certain grade it can be altered but you need to really be able to explain why and its not common (UK)

    5. Jimming*

      My employer doesn’t do cost of living increases but they do give performance based raises. I’d say COL is probably industry specific: I got them every 2 years when I worked for nonprofits (but they didn’t give raises since they didn’t have the budget for it.) What’s weird is not offering either option.

    7. Erin Withans*

      So not normal! Your salary is essentially going down as cost of living goes up! You deserve better.

    8. NforKnowledge*

      If you don’t get a COL increasing your salary is decreasing, not just staying the same. That is absolutely unacceptable, and I would hope anyone in that situation finds a way to leave because companies like that don’t deserve employees.

    9. Escapee from Corporate Management*

      Like the above question, this is not normal but not uncommon. However, your CEO’s comment is not normal and indicates a significant medical condition: your CEO is a jerk. Unfortunately, that condition is rarely cured.

    11. The Cosmic Avenger*

      Others have covered the COLA issue, so I will call bullshit on your owner’s paying for raises out of “personal” money. I would like to point out that he’s been profiting for years off of the lack of raises and the pain it brings to lower paid employees due to inflation, and just for one year he decided to make a slightly less obscene amount of money. Not really magnanimous, because abusers and narcissists know that they need to act like they care every so often in order to give their victims a justification for staying.

      1. Tigger*

        He died shortly after the raises were given out and his heirs tried to contest the raises because it cut into their inheritances so that was legit.

    12. WellRed*

      Not normal to have an actual policy against it. The CEO sounds like he’s from the “you should be grateful to have a job” school of thought.

      1. American Ninja Worrier*

        I agree, having a specific policy against raises is even less normal than quietly opting not to give out raises.

    13. cmcinnyc*

      Flashback to working for a boss who believed that going above and beyond and turning in excellent work was the *baseline* and no one should expect any recognition or compensation for just doing the baseline. Nothing will ever be good enough. Nothing will ever be worthy. The reference you get will be meh, no matter what marvels you have pulled off in your time there. Scoot, and the sooner the better.

    14. Perpal*

      So, the company likes to pay people who have been there 5 years less than new hires? Unless we ever hit a deflation spree it’s going to be against employee self interest to stay more than a few years.
      My place has a built in 3% increase for everyone, I was told; not sure if it’s normal this is my first time at a long term real job but it makes a lot of sense if you actually want to keep people.

      1. Redux*

        Yes! My HR director actually said out loud that they don’t post salary ranges for new hires because people who have been here for several years are making much less. ACK!

        1. NotAnotherManager!*

          This would make my HR director hyperventilate. Her first year in, the first thing we did was square up a few outliers with the rest of the team and everyone with the market, as her predecessor was a loon re salary.

    15. Ashie*

      Good lord, that’s not normal at all. It’s a COST OF LIVING raise to account for inflation, it has nothing to do with rewarding people for not getting fired.

      1. Ashie*

        Ugh, this is really bugging me. It’s not even a cost of living RAISE, it’s just an adjustment to address the changing value of a dollar.

    16. LKW*

      Not normal. Cost of living is just keeping up with the price of the world. Raises can be done on merit. If he’s saying that his scale is “Fired or not Fired?” and fired means you get no salary and not fired means you get to keep your existing salary…

      Or did he mean that you don’t get a COLA increase because the world went around the sun once? That’s not great practice but not abnormal for a smaller business. But no raises ever for anyone? Not. Normal.

    17. Galahad*

      Just ask for a raise.

      Some companies (usually private or smaller ones) have a policy against “everyone gets a COLA adjustment” or “annual reviews for money for all”. Those companies do give raises, when people ask and the raise is justified. Other companies have a lot of senior employees that already make top of the market for the area, (looking at your 18 year employees comment here) so there is an official raise “freeze”… we called it “red circled” meaning that they were already paid too much.. but that still would not apply to you.

    18. Aurora Leigh*

      My company also hasn’t given raises (I think it’s been 8-10 years since the last one from what people say) but that is because they are slowly circling the bankruptcy drain. I think they’ll probably be shutting down in another year or two.

      And yes, lots of people have left. I’m job searching too after two years here.

    19. Data Analyst*

      Whoa, not normal, and if the CEO worded it like that then they seem to have a contemptuous and mistrusting attitude towards employees. Yuck.

    20. Wendy Darling*

      FLEE. RUN LIKE THE WIND.

      This is not super uncommon but it is HORRIBLE and they basically set it up so the only way you can get a raise is to get a different job. And you should *definitely* oblige them by getting a different job.

    21. Chelsea*

      Oh damn. Judging from your CEO’s response, it’s clear that he doesn’t care about employee motivation or positivity. I would want to work for someone else on principle.

  18. Banging My Head On My Keyboard*

    The entire time I’ve been with my company it’s never seemed like the IT department had much formal structure. In the 7 years my job has used a computer, whenever IT has to remote in to my desktop for an issue they have never once given advance warning. I just suddenly lose control of my mouse as they dial in and start clicking around my screen. Last week they saw I was working on something and actually closed out my work so they could start doing whatever thing they remoted in to do.
    I feel pretty sure this is not a professional way to do things, but to what degree are they out of line?
    Is this entirely bonkers?

    1. Eleanor Shellstrop*

      Entirely bonkers. How do they know if you have something private or confidential? I work in finance, and IT won’t go into your PC unless you are on the phone with them, plus you have to manually approve it on your screen

    2. Jennifer*

      “I feel pretty sure this is not a professional way to do things, but to what degree are they out of line?” The nth degree.

    3. k8isgreat*

      Totally bonkers! Where I’m at IT needs my permission to access my computer, in that I actually have to hit “accept” on this little box that comes up and they always call first and ask if it’s a good time. I would bring this up with someone.

    4. YetAnotherFed*

      Absolutely totally bonkers IMO and experience. How are you supposed to know that it’s _your_ IT department doing this versus some random hacker? At work, I submit requests to the IT help desk by email or phone or website, IT assigns a ticket number, and IT will always request through IM if they have to remote in.

      2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        For sure — I once had someone try to get into my computer three times in ten minutes, and I kept hitting NO on his requests, after the third time I shut the computer down and called the help desk in a panic thinking I was being hacked. (Turns out one of the help desk guys was on the phone with someone else and kept typing in my computer’s IP address, which was apparently one digit off from his actual customer’s. Some of our help desk people are special. That part, at least, in my experience, is normal. :P )

    5. Sylvia*

      I have never had that happen. It sounds bizarre and invasive. What if you are hurrying to meet a deadline?

    6. Aunt Piddy*

      That’s not normal, and I’ve had to have talks with our IT people about it myself (I’m an attorney and it’s NOT OKAY).

      They also shouldn’t be closing out your work without asking you. It’s SO rude. Talk to your manager.

    8. Detective Amy Santiago*

      You are correct that it’s not even remotely professional (pun intended). The degree depends on what kind of work you do and what the confidentiality requirements are. If you work in education or healthcare or finance and deal with a lot of PPI/sensitive information, this is off the charts out of line and something I would talk to your supervisor about ASAP.

    9. Friday*

      Not normal and rude. I remember an old job where IT did that ONCE to my boss, and she made sure the IT director instructed his staff that it wasn’t OK.

      And when IT remotes in, they should never be touching (or especially CLOSING) your own work. Yikes.

    10. Kathleen_A*

      Bonkers squared! Or even cubed!

      Clearly your IT department thinks what it does is far more important than what anyone else does, and also that IT personnel’s time is more important than anyone else’s time. And it is *wrong*.

    11. CustServGirl*

      Not normal. In all my positions at different jobs, we either receive notice in advance or we have to approve the screen-share.

    12. Banging My Head On My Keyboard*

      For people asking about the confidential nature of my work, I work in a grocery store so my work isn’t super confidential. However it is frequently very time urgent work. When I am updating a price, I can’t just let that get put on hold for a mystery amount of time while they noodle around on my screen.

      I’ve mentioned my frustration to my store manager, who says he also is annoyed by the habit and he has brought it up at store manager meetings he attends at our corporate office, but to no apparent result.
      The head of the IT department is the son of the owner of the company, so I don’t know if he refuses to make getting permission a formal policy, or if nobody has the guts to bring it up to him.

    13. Media Monkey*

      we have to accept a request for them to be able to remote in (and it is generally as we have reported a problem).

    14. CupcakeCounter*

      So very not normal. As a few other posters said, even if I am on the phone with the IT person and give permission I still have to click on a OK button for them to take over.

    15. Headshrinker Extraordinaire*

      Yeah, this is not normal. This week IT had to remote into my laptop to fix a problem, but they (1) contacted me on instant messaging to let me know and (2) asked if it was an okay time for them to take over. This also gave me the chance to save and close any sensitive information. I would say my IT’s way is normal, and yours is completely bonkers.

    16. Akcipitrokulo*

      In IT. No, none of our guys would dream of doing that (emergency security issues excepting).

      1. CyberNed*

        Agree. I work in cybersec so I view emergency security issues as priority #1 but if not that, it is super sketch when support just hops on your computer with no notification and no permission. If it keeps happening, I’d definitely let HR know. This lack of policy is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

    17. IT Person*

      Not normal, not good practice. If the company ever has an IT security audit they will get dinged hard for this — for no other reason than if employees get used to this happening they won’t notice a legitimate hack! Where I work we get the employee on the phone first and confirm it’s a good time to remote in (and I stay on the phone while I work so I can explain what I’m doing, ask if anything needs to be saved if I have to restart, etc).

      1. Banging My Head On My Keyboard*

        I think the next time it happens I will bring it up with the concern that we would not notice a legitimate hack with these practices. I always just get stuck on how rude it feels and that point had honestly never occurred to me.
        (But also I’ve been looking for a new job lately)

      2. The Cosmic Avenger*

        So much this. If you see your computer unexpectedly doing things on its own, you turn it off IMMEDIATELY and consider it compromised! Even if you’re not dealing with sensitive information.

    19. Psyche*

      This happened to me once. It isn’t the way it is supposed to work. I needed software installed and the guy decided to just remote in and do it. They are supposed to prearrange a time though.

    20. Al who is that Al*

      Totally out of line. We always check, either by email or by a remote message system that it is OK to remote on. So we do not see your desktop until you have OK’d it.
      To remote on without asking permission is not only wrong socially but they may well be in breach of confidentiality.
      We also ask the user to save any programs they have running at the time, although they should really be closing\saving anything important before they OK the remote on.
      A handy tip is to shut down your personal email address\chat\IM etc BEFORE we remote on. Messages from your friends, family are all very well popping up on the screen while we fix your issue and often amusing especially if it’s your horny partner who obviously can’t wait to get you home.
      Also do be aware we can see your wallpaper, naming no names, but the guy with the picture of himself at his 40th Playboy themed party with two obviously professional Playboy bunnies cuddling up to him while he did the big hug back while they looked at the camera with the “look at the crap I need to put up with” expression in their eyes ? A screenshot will indeed be taken and you will be mocked.

    22. That Girl From Quinn's House*

      This was “normal” at my last job but definitely not something I liked or considered appropriate.

    23. inoffensive nickname*

      Not normal. Not cool. Although we have the illusion of privacy where I work because they can’t remote in without our permission, they still maintain the capability of seeing everything on our screens. I’d be annoyed as heck if I was working on something and lost control of my mouse.

    24. DCGirl*