I was rejected after a manager looked at my LinkedIn profile

by Alison Green on July 15, 2021

A reader writes:

I recently applied for a job at an organization that I am really interested in working for. On Monday, I noticed that a senior manager in the department had looked at my LinkedIn profile on Sunday. However, I received an automated rejection letter that morning. My profile is pretty similar to my resume and I am unsure if I am over-analyzing it or if there’s something I need to fix on my profile and or resume for future applications!

I answer this question — and four others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

Other questions I’m answering there today include:

  • Should I have disclosed that my networking connection is actually my spouse?
  • Employees aren’t covering their tabs
  • I’m still getting calls from clients after being let go
  • Changed my name, now changing it back
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{ 110 comments }

{ 110 comments… read them below }

  1. Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain*

    #4 Why would the let-go employee pass on a message from the former clients? Just tell the caller you no longer work there and they should call the main office line; you don’t even need to provide the number or email address. Be really bold — ask them if they are aware of anyone hiring for XYZ positions. I know these are old and the OP isn’t here to see the response. I’m just baffled sometimes by the letters.

    1. No Name Today*

      Yes, OP doesn’t owe either the ex company or their client administrative services.
      “Sorry, I no longer work there. You will have to call the company directly.”

      1. SnappinTerrapin*

        I’m sorry. I no longer work at that dealership. I’m selling for XYZ now. Could I help you, or do you need to talk to someone at OldJob?

        Yes, that’s something you need to call them directly to address. I don’t have their contact information handy, and I’m working right now. Let me know if I can help you in the future.

    2. mreasy*

      If they are going to continue working in their field, being helpful to the caller may be useful in the long term. It’s on the company for not being proactive but the LW may feel they want to keep these relationships active & positive by helping the clients out.

        1. GraceRN*

          I agree. Also, if I were OP, I would avoid potentially creating a situation where ex-company neglects to follow up, or just missed OP’s message, and caller could question whether OP relayed the information. Much better to tell the caller to contact ex-company directly.

      2. Momma Bear*

        I think that OP can still be professional and positive/not bridge burn-y without passing along messages.

      3. Baker*

        Providing the caller with a phone number/other contact info for the old employer would be a kindness, and likely helpful for the LW’s reputation — but that is as far as it goes. Taking on the responsibility of passing messages on themselves … seems excessive.

      4. NerdyKris*

        I think you can still say “I don’t work there anymore, call the front desk and find out who you need to contact” while being professional. Not everyone is going to know who their replacement is. It’s completely reasonable to say you don’t know.

    3. Nanani*

      The longer this goes on, the more likely this will be the genuine answer. OP will not be in regular contact with the old workplace.
      You can let the ball land in their court right now. Be as polite as you like but stop doing free work for the place that fired you!

    4. random*

      Next time you contact old employer, ask them for the preferred name and number of whoever your old clients should contact. This should be easier then emails to give over the phone and you’re not stuck conveying messages forever.

  2. HiHello*

    #3 if my manager is involved and it’s the entire team is eating/drinking that coffee together, I would think it’s work sponsored, especially if it’s during work hours. If it’s just me and another coworker casually going to get a morning coffee, I will pay for myself. But if my manager during lunch would say something like: “let’s order lunch for all of us and eat together,” I would think the company pays. Mainly because if I am paying, I want to have a say in what I am eating, what time I am eating (to a degree since work hours are a thing), or even if I want to eat/have it in my budget.

    1. HiHello*

      I do want to add that the person can refuse to eat that day if it’s not i their budget. But if 19 people are ordering lunch and one isn’t, that can feel pretty exclusionary

    2. JRR*

      If the entire department including the manager is participating, it’s unfair to expect the employees to pay. It puts them in a position where they either have to spend their own money, or not participate and be perceived as “not a team player.”

        1. Canadian Librarian #72*

          Maybe managers shouldn’t be organizing these lunches if there’s no petty cash then? It’s sort of the equivalent of volunteering someone to do work on their personal time – they don’t feel in a position to refuse because of potential professional repercussions, so they’re forced to spend money they may not have.

          If there’s no petty cash and the manager isn’t willing to front the cost for the group (or, AT MINIMUM, disclose this proactively), then these lunches shouldn’t happen.

          1. BRR*

            We don’t know who is organizing them. And there are a lot of offices where a manager can grab lunch or coffee with people and employees not feel penalized for not participating. But first and foremost the LW and manager need to make sure the employees don’t feel pressured.

        2. TardyTardis*

          Then the manager should not drag the employees out to a restaurant that perhaps the employees a) can’t afford, b) don’t like the food, and/or c) aware that the lunch they really wanted to eat is in the fridge and might not be edible by nighttime.

      2. High Score!*

        Managers at non profits aren’t paid that well either. They can brown bag it and still eat with everyone else if they don’t want to pay.

        1. Autistic AF*

          This is less likely to be the case at a restaurant (at least when that wasn’t a health issue).

      3. JRR*

        To answer replies above, I think either the company should pay, or the manager should not be involved.

        In my experience (working for for-profit companies), managers don’t socialize with their reports unless it’s an official thing paid for by the company.

        1. allathian*

          Eh, it depends. Perhaps it’s different because I work for the government, but a former manager bought lunch for us on her last day on the job. We also went to lunch sometimes as a team, when everyone would buy their own. This was very much opt-in, though, and we had an inofficial rule about never discussing any work stuff during those lunches. She’d also buy dinner for us once a year.

      4. KayDeeAye*

        I am a little confused here. I wouldn’t even blink if I were invited on a team lunch outing but was expected to pay for my own lunch. My boss does take us out for lunch for various celebratory things – birthdays and the like – and she always pays for those. But if it’s just a question of “We were thinking of going out to lunch – do you want to come?” I would assume I would be paying for myself. The expectation at my non-profit is, if the boss is paying, he/she will say so in advance.

        1. JRR*

          Reading this website makes me realize how different non-profits are from the for-profit workplaces I’m used to.

          1. Susan Calvin*

            I’m confused too – and the last time I set foot into a non-profit was to donate blood.

            For me it’s exactly as Kay says, ‘taking out the team for celebration’ is very different from getting up at 12:05 and saying to the room at large, “hey, I’m feeling like sushi, anyone want to join?”

            Like what would be the etiquette even. Are managers also expected to pay when they’re not the one who offered the open invitation? Is it *any* manager, or only *my* manager who’s meant to pay for me? If we’re at a client site, eating at the canteen with the whole project team including customers, do I pay because I’m line manager, or does the project manager? If the latter, ours, or his customer counterpart? I have so many questions.

          2. RebelwithMouseyHair*

            I worked at a for-profit that worked like that too, because the boss was stingy beyond belief.

            1. All that?*

              Why should the boss have to pay out of his/her own pocket? I’ve never worked anywhere that the company didn’t pay. If it wasn’t something they would pay for, we didn’t do it, or each paid for our own.

              These were all for-profit companies. They also weren’t places where the boss made $200,000/year (or a CEO making a few million) and the rest of us made $50,000, so maybe that is the difference.

        2. Bostonian*

          I agree with your perception. In my experience, if someone is going to pay, they’ll say “my treat”, or “on me”, or otherwise indicate so beforehand (assuming it’s not an Official Outing).

          1. JustSomebodyElse*

            Yep. This is my experience, too, in both for-profit and nonprofit organizations. I wouldn’t ever expect that the cost of a meal out with the team was anyone’s responsibility other than mine unless it was something like “department holiday lunch” that the boss put on our calendars. When it’s “who wants Thai?” I expect that I’ll be paying if I want in. And if I neglected to cover my share of the bill, whomever did pay would come and find me and ask for it.

            Typing that last sentence made me realize something. Has this person just forgotten/neglected to give people their totals, and that’s all that’s happening? If Helen emails everyone asking for their take-out order, then Helen is the one who follows up with the cost after tax/delivery/tip.

            Now that these people have been conditioned to think it’s free, though, make sure you clearly reset expectations before the next time that you get food.

    3. High Score!*

      That’s why OP should announce that it’s self pay. I don’t understand why the money is not collected up front before the food is ordered. That’s what I’ve always experienced. You pay when you order. Then usually someone will even buy a soda or something for the person who goes to pick up the food

    4. FrenchCusser*

      I’m like, ‘Dude, don’t order me food I didn’t ask for, then expect me to pay for it.’ That’s just rude.

    5. Roscoe*

      I guess I just don’t see it that way. I think its one thing for manager to say “lets all do a team lunch” and then not pay. Very different if manager is just grabbing lunch wiht someone and others want to come with that expectation of being treated.

      Hell, I have a small office. Sometimes the CEO will come with us to get lunch somewhere. I don’t expect him to pay

      2. JM60*

        I think it matters how official or unofficial it seems. If some people go, sometimes including the boss, then that’s an unofficial outing that’s reasonable to expect each person to pay for. If almost everyone goes, usually including the boss, and people seem disappointed when someone decides not to go, it can feel like a semi-official outing that you can’t opt-out of without being seen as someone who is not a team player. At a certain point, it can become a financial cost that the employee has to bear in order to not hurt their job/career if the employer doesn’t pay, which is unfair to the employee. It’s not always clear at what point the employer should pay.

    6. LizM*

      I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the manager shouldn’t be involved, but they shouldn’t organize it. I’m in government, I don’t get petty cash, and I can’t afford to take my whole team out for lunch. So I don’t organize lunches, we have a social committee that does that. I’ll attend, but I don’t participate in the planning or invite people. The most I’ll do is pass info onto the social committee if I learn info (and have permission to share) that the social committee may want to act on (sending a card, organizing a going away lunch, etc.).

    7. turquoisecow*

      If my boss said “hey we’re doing a team lunch tomorrow at (time),” I’d assume she was paying for it, unless she added on something like, “the usual cost at this place is $x -$y so you’re prepared,” or “we’re asking people to chip in $z.”

      But in my industry team lunches are pretty rare and the only times we’ve had them have been for celebrations like holidays, birthdays, or finishing a big project. At least that’s been my experience. If I was a new employee and wasn’t sure, I’d make sure I had some money that day in case I was expected to pay, but if I’d been there for years and never been expected to pay in the past I would assume all lunches were that way unless told otherwise.

      1. All that?*

        Nope. If the boss announces a team lunch, the company (or boss) pays. If the boss doesn’t have it in the company budget, and don’t want to pay for it themselves, then they shouldn’t be having “team lunches”.

    8. TheAG*

      Can’t you do both though? There are times when I pay for recognition lunches, and times where I say hey I’m ordering from Chilis, let me know if you want anything, here’s my venmo. It’s not always me organizing the paid lunches, though. We all do it from time to time.

  3. De Minimis*

    #4 reminds me of something I’m dealing with right now—since we’re still working from home my office phone is forwarded to my personal cell phone, and I often get calls after quitting for the day [my end time is about an hour and a half before the normal end time for a lot of our facilities.] I don’t have a real reason to answer my cell phone a lot of the time anyway, but I do see a lot of work calls after my quitting time and I just let them go—they’ve never left voice mails.
    I do really dislike that I’ve had to use my personal phone for this, but there’s no avoiding it.

    1. I'm just here for the cats*

      That sucks. At my work we use a phone app so when you call from the phone it looks like the office. And unless you are logged in to the phone app if someone calls it will just go to voicemail.

      1. I'm just here for the cats*

        Oops, hit reply too soon. calls go to the work phone voicemail not my personal cell phone voicemail. So when I’m done for the day I just signed out of the app and I don’t get work calls.

    2. LC*

      This might not be convenient to change at this point, but using something like a Google Voice number for work could be good for you.

      1. introverted af*

        This is what I’ve been doing. I know at a glance that the calls coming to Google Voice are for work and I don’t have to answer them if I’m not working.

      2. De Minimis*

        I wish I’d thought of that. The biggest annoyance when I got a response from an inquiry I’d made the previous day at 4 AM! The help desk was on Eastern Time, and I’m on the West Coast. I didn’t bother going back to sleep….

      3. Shad*

        That’s what I did. And when I leave the job, I can just set the voicemail to say “This is Shad. I’m no longer with OldJob. Please call the office line at MainNumber and someone will be in touch.” And permanently set the number to do not disturb.

    3. Emma Dilemma*

      This is why I actually like Microsoft Teams. I started a new job recently and I don’t have a phone no, just Teams, so no calls at home when not working.

      1. techie*

        You might actually have a phone number but it’ll ring Teams. You can set up call forwarding if you’d rather answer on a real phone. I don’t since people who call my work line are mostly spammers.

      2. Blomma*

        Yes, we had calls forwarded to our cells at first and then finally got our phone system moved to Teams about 6 months into working from home. I love not getting work calls on the weekends, on my days off, etc. I don’t have the Teams app on my cell, so calls only ring on my laptop – and then only when it’s actually on.

    4. Save the Hellbender*

      I have the same problem. I don’t know why these forwarding apps can’t figure out how to kick off at 5pm or something.

      1. Cheerfully Polite Grey Rock*

        We are also having work calls forwarded to our personal mobiles while working from home, but the phone system at work does allow for set ‘business hours’, so any calls coming in outside 8am-6pm are just send straight to voicemail to be dealt with the next day.
        The way our forwarding works also means that the call always shows as from the office rather than from the original caller (they call the office, office phone then calls us), so if I did have a day off it should be possible to just block the office number for the day to avoid work calls.
        I feel like any apps should definitely include the ability to include available hours, no one wants a work call at 3am!

  4. No Name Today*

    I think the manager who doesn’t want to spell out “let’s have a group lunch this month. We will all pay for our own meals.”
    And ex-employee answering calls and providing contact information for ex clients are making a situation that is not uncomfortable into a situation on that is. You are not protecting people’s feelings by dancing around the truth. Be straightforward and everyone will be fine.
    Instead you have, OP ex employee told me to call you. Oh? You’re not on that project anymore? Who do I talk to?”
    And OP manager, “wait? Was i supposed to be paying? Did you know that?”
    Rip the band aid off.

  5. JustMelissa*

    #5. I did this too, and it was a complete non-issue. I used language like Alison suggests – something like “I decided I really identify with my maiden name, so decided to switch back” – but explained to just a few people. Those people also helped spread the word because I was open and breezy about it so others were too. And, my husband’s continued existence came up in conversation or he came to the holiday party so it was clear I was still married to the same guy. In no time at all no one remembered that I flirted with my name change (or if they did, I never heard about it).

    1. nonprofit writer*

      Yep, me too! Breezy is definitely the way to go–don’t over-explain anything. No one cares about your name as much as you do (I have learned this through experience). I agree with Alison’s advice to mention the spouse in a “non-divorcey way.”

      1. Message in a Bottle*

        Every time I read the word ‘breezy’ I think of Monica in that Friends episode leaving a message. “I’m breezy!” Saying the word breezy immediately takes the breeze out of it.

        I’m not saying anyone would do that in real life. But now the word sends me into smiles and almost giggles.

    2. Momma Bear*

      Also, you can have a “name you go by” and a legal name. A lot of people do that. Might be a middle ground between the name you like and having to go through a full legal name change…again.

    3. Amaranth*

      I’ve just never cared if people thought I was married or divorced. Is the concern about being the subject of office gossip?

      1. Autistic AF*

        Marital status (and future/expected family status, by extension) is a source of discrimination for women, even if it’s subconscious. A man’s name/title doesn’t disclose his marital status, so why should mine?

  6. I'm just here for the cats*

    I know these are old letters but for #3 I can see how your employees are confused. If you have never said that they should pay their own way of course they are going to think that it is being picked up by the company or it is your treat. You should have really said something in the beginning.

    For example, my company (pre-covid) would go to a local restaurant once a month at our designated weekly meeting times. When I started I was told “on the 4th Friday of the month, instead of a weekly meeting we all meet up at Macks Restaurant. Feel free to purchase breakfast for yourself.

    1. Formerly Hangry and Poor*

      But that’s not great in a different way. If a meeting I’m required to attend were held at a restaurant I couldn’t afford, I would be pretty mad and hungry. Unless the once-a-month restaurant meeting is optional (or not officially a meeting)? But then it would be awkward to watch everyone go when I couldn’t afford it or didn’t want to sit through it without being able to eat anything.

      1. Lunch Eating Mid Manager*

        It’s not great, but it’s clear. You can eat first, or you can pay for yourself and eat there.
        This whole question just emphasizes how you shouldn’t mix food and work.

        1. All that?*

          It may be clear, but it is wrong. If it is a company meeting, not just a bunch of co-workers deciding to grab lunch together, the company should definately pay.

      2. Clisby*

        I don’t know – it doesn’t seem awkward to me. If this meeting is taking the place of a weekly meeting, wouldn’t most people eat breakfast beforehand anyway? I don’t see anything awkward about saying, “Oh, I eat breakfast early – I’ll just get coffee” or “I never eat breakfast – I’ll just have coffee.” (This last would be true of me – I almost never eat breakfast.)

        1. Formerly Hangry and Poor*

          Yeah. There’s nothing awkward about saying those things. And you could eat beforehand. I’m just saying if you must attend a meeting that’s held at a restaurant and then potentially watch people eat pancakes and other delicious food you can’t afford, I would get pretty bitter.

        2. Amaranth*

          I feel embarrassed to have a party of 6-10 and the servers put together a table and half of us only order coffee.

          1. JRR*

            You’d feel really embarrassed if I worked with you because I’d show up with a travel mug full of coffee from home.

            1. Clogerati*

              I know that if it’s required by work to attend and you have to pay this isn’t very fair to say, but that’s so inappropriate. I hope that you would still leave a tip for your server that’s the equivalent to what the tip would be had you ordered breakfast.

              1. Shad*

                Yet another reason the tipping system is total bull! Because it’s really not fair that an employee should be obligated to chip in anything when they had no say in taking up space at the restaurant and clearly don’t want to.
                If anything, whoever came up with the idea of dragging everyone there should cover the tip for those who chose not to spend money at a restaurant they didn’t want to go to.

      3. A Person*

        I’d be eating breakfast at home and just getting coffee at the restaurant. (Nice, ordinary coffee that gets made by the pot and only needs to pouring – nothing involving an espresso machine.)

    2. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Going to also throw out the allergy question. Some restaurants can accommodate allergies. Some can’t – and not all allergies are the same. It’s definitely something that needs to be considered.

      1. Allonge*

        I think it’s important to be aware of allergy issues when proposing a food-adjacent event, but just because it does not work for every team in the world, it does not mean that no team ever can eat together in a restaurant /order food. Considering that OP did not mention any issue with this, it’s really likely that the team does not have food allergy people or the restaurant can handle them.

        1. JM60*

          If attending an event is mandatory, then every employee required to attend should be accommodated. If it’s clearly optional, then that’s a different story.

          1. TardyTardis*

            But we all know the ‘of course it’s optional but if you never show up, don’t expect me to remember your name’. Like the managers I had where I was Cordially Invited to buy candles and Tupperware.

  7. Knope Knope Knope*

    LW 1 – If I am hiring for a job it’s not uncommon for a recruiter to send me a batch of resumes that I will look at, and possibly google the candidate which tends to lead to LinkedIn, then send back my top few choices. I usually know the specifics of the job better than the recruiter, so I am just screening for that.

    1. Junior Assistant Peon*

      I’m doing some hiring myself right now, and went through the resumes myself for exactly that reason – I understand the job I’m hiring for better than some recent grad at Judge, Aerotek, etc who doesn’t know my field. A hiring manager needs a recruiter about as much as a fish needs a bicycle.

  8. twocents*

    #3 is weird to me that it’s been allowed to slide more than once. Maybe it’s just because it was always clear at my company what was company sponsored (e.g. emails went out to the team from the senior leader, there was a designated “committee” responsible) and what isn’t, I don’t understand how someone is just “confused” on whether the company is sponsoring it. Maybe this comes down to one of those “it’s a non-profit thing”? IDK.

    Anyway, I don’t think it even has to be a big deal. “I’m going to order Jimmy John’s. If you want in, send me what you want and Venmo or give me cash for your order by noon.” Very clear what you’re ordering and payment expectations.

    1. I should really pick a name*

      If no one specifies if it’s company sponsored or not, it seems reasonable that there could be confusion.
      It sounds like your company does a better job of handling this kind of thing.

    2. myswtghst*

      If it’s not specified up front, there’s a level of plausible deniability that allows people to not think too hard on it and assume the company/boss is paying. I’m not saying everyone is intentionally taking advantage, but if you have a few who do, and a few more who are genuinely confused/following their lead, it’s easy to see how you end up with a group of people not paying.

      1. Duckie*

        Exactly this. Some people are taking advantage.

        It’s not hard to say upfront – ‘lunch with the team sounds great! Is the company picking this one up?’ People who don’t ask that are doing it on purpose to have a cover. Then they go ‘oh I uh, I uh, I had no idea!’

        I work in an industry with items people want and it is around 50% free suff and 50% paid for and there’s always staff members trying to make off with loot and pretend they didn’t understand the 50% that was not free. It’s very obvious when they choose not to ask ‘oh so is this a free product or a paid for product?’ when the offer is maybe raised a little vaguely at first. Yes, we should be more clear sometimes but they certainly pounce on a vague offer and make no effort to establish a bill or not.

  9. Vi*

    I know someone who wholesale changed her last name after getting married and then after about 6 months changed it back to her maiden name! Still married. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think people (women especially) will totally get it; I’ve wished at times that I hadn’t changed my name and I know a lot of people feel at least a little conflicted about it.

    1. Gumby*

      I know someone who has been married for 10+ years who was going to change her name but then just kind of never filled out the paperwork to do so. She goes by her legal name professionally but socially goes by her husband’s last name on occasion (maybe 50% of the time?) since she never told a subset of friends that she didn’t want to deal w/ the paperwork for the name change. I know her in multiple contexts so hear her go by both.

    2. Autistic AF*

      I never changed my name when I got married. A couple of years after my wedding, I was talking to someone I’d been on a project with earlier in my wedding year. She asked if I had got married, I told her I did, and she commented in surprise that I hadn’t changed my name. That’s part of why I left it (not having my name indicate my marital status)…

      1. Turtles All The Way Down*

        At my previous company of about 15 employees, at one time we had… 8 women working there? One had never been married, two had changed their name at marriage, and fully 5 of us had been married (two divorced) and just never changed our names, for a variety of reasons, ranging from feminism to just not really getting around to it! This was in a far suburb of a major city in the US. I’ve been married nearly 11 years and it’s never been an issue.

    3. turquoisecow*

      I have an aunt who was divorced for I think 30 years before she switched back to her maiden name. It just wasn’t worth the hassle to her.

    4. TardyTardis*

      We had a civilian manager in the Air Force who went through four last names the four years I knew her. We made jokes about her throwing business to the rubber stamp people.

  10. Gal Friday*

    I can see how the group lunch thing can be confusing. At our office, we often have more informal team lunches. There are several restaurants that allow group orders where everyone picks and pays for their own lunch and then it is all delivered together. And, if you don’t like what’s being ordered, you can still attend and bring whatever you want. I thought it was an elegant solution. If it is work sponsored, one of the admins collects the orders and pays for everyone.

    1. generic_username*

      Same here. My office is walking distance from a bunch of fast casual restaurants, so usually it’s a group of people who go out together to order and pick up food. I usually join them when they return because I’ve packed lunch, but sometimes end of walking with them to the restaurant (or partially there before I peel off to get a coffee to go with my lunch). If work is sponsoring it, they generally send an email asking for our order way in advance and it’s generally happening alongside a work activity. Occasionally my manager will pick up the tab when we do a casual outing (usually coffee, not lunch), but I err on the side of assuming I pay.

    2. Duckie*

      It is not confusing.

      I work in an industry where we get a lot of free food and drink, but have to pay for some of it. My default is to always assume I am paying and to establish if something is free.

      If a supervisor says ‘who wants to have a meal’ I say ‘great I’d like that I’ll pay for it.’ Then they may say, ‘oh no this one is on us.’

      I never assume things are free and I establish before accepting if there is a bill. I also apply this to my personal life with friends hosting and so on. You invite me to your house? Well food and alcohol is expensive in my country what can I bring or do or contribute or are we in a routine of hosting each other in turns?

      I’m always very fair about making sure I pay my way. This also comes from experience as a woman and not wanting to be in a man’s debt for things they may expect in return. My experience with other people is they deliberately pretend not to understand so they can get free stuff.

      You can politely and respectfully establish what the go is with the bill and people who chose not to do it on purpose.

  11. Junebug*

    Did LinkedIn LW have a photo on their profile? I’d be wondering in this situation if the recruiter learned their demographic and then decided to reject them.

    2. MissDisplaced*

      Is this an issue? Yes, it certainly happens due to age and race.
      If you are concerned, you can hide your full profile and it will just show an icon instead of your photo, and a brief summary instead of your full profile. Use the visibility setting to adjust what you want non-connections to see.

      I don’t know if this was the issue though. It is not as though they were asked to interview, but then the interview was rescinded after viewing the LI profile. That said, if you are job hunting be very aware of what you like or comment on with LinkedIn. While LI is not overly political or crude, you’d be surprised at what people post, where all can see who they work for.

    3. nothing rhymes with purple*

      This is definitely something I don’t like about having to have a photo up on Linked In. On the one hand there’s the proverbial “I wouldn’t want to work for them anyway.” On the other, there’s missing the chance to get a foot in the door….

    4. JRR*

      In my experience most applications are unsuccessful. Trying to discern the reason for any particular one is just torturing yourself.

      But I understand the frustration. Personally I prefer to be ghosted than to get an explicit rejection. That way by the time I realize I’ve been rejected, I’ve already moved on to other applications.

  12. Eat My Squirrel*

    I love the idea of getting married and you and your spouse pick a new last name together. After all, eons ago you were named after what you did for a living (Smith, Tailor, Baker), or who your parents were (Johnson), or some other thing that obviously identified you from all the other people with your sane first name. It wasn’t always inherited. What if we all got to pick our own last names when we came of age, and again when we got married? I think I’d want to be a Silverwolf, personally.

    1. Autistic AF*

      I like the idea of choosing your own name when you come of age, however it’s defined… but I’m not hot on it being due to marriage, since marital discrimination still has a greater impact on women. I’d rather cut down on areas for unconscious bias to run rampant.

      1. Eat My Squirrel*

        The point there was like what if my husband and I want to identify ourselves as the same last name… say I’m a Silverwolf and he’s a Pathwalker. I’m not saying I become a Pathwalker or he becomes a Silverwolf. In fact that would be bizarre to do in my made up society. Instead we would decide that together we are the Starhawks.
        Then our kid would be a Starhawk until she hits the milestone (18? 21? Moves out?) when she would pick her own name.

        1. Batgirl*

          Yeah I’ve had the same thought as I want my fiance and I to have the same name, and because the kids I teach are starting to have four surnames each.

        2. Autistic AF*

          You can do that now! I would like to move past the same name being the norm to denote kinship, myself – Spanish familial naming includes both parents without children having 4 last names, for instance.

          1. allathian*

            Yes, and women aren’t allowed to change their names when they get married.

            So if Luisa Martínez González and Miguel Gomez Sanz get married, they’ll keep their names, although the couple will be known as “los Gomez” socially. They changed the law fairly recently, and now if they have kids, they kids can be either Gomez Martínez (the default), or Martínez Gomez, but all siblings must have their names in the same order.

            I do know that it’s very difficult to change your given names in Spain. I don’t know how people who hate their names deal with that, never mind trans people.

    3. JustSomebodyElse*

      My husband and I did that! We picked one syllable from my birth surname and one from his that worked well together, and now we have an entirely unique but completely normal sounding last name!

  13. I should really pick a name*

    Regarding the spouse referral, if your spouse is referring you (not advisable), it’s in your interest for them to be up front that you’re their spouse when they make the referral, and if they don’t, you should mention it at the first opportunity.
    You don’t want someone in the process to find out on their own. They might think that you were hiding it, and that could really hurt your chances.

  14. Allison*

    For #1, I think the concern is usually that they were rejected because of their picture – the hiring manager realized they were a woman, or a POC, or old, or just plain funny looking, and chose not to move forward because of that. While I won’t claim it never happens, the reason is usually something else. The most common reason I look someone up on LinkedIn is because they’re intentionally vague on where they live; if we can only hire within the US, and the applicant is in the Ukraine, and we can’t sponsor immigration visas, that’s probably not gonna work for us.

  15. Hiring Mgr*

    It’s extremely common to look at the LinkedIn profile of anyone you’re interviewing…. I don’t think i’ve ever not done it!

  16. RJ*

    Every company needs to have a set expense policy for reimbursable and non-reimbursables. I’ve processed expense reports for 15 years at private engineering companies and it floors me how many managers bamboozle their teams into these luncheons/dinners only to find that they are:
    1. Not reimbursable to the project they are working on
    2. Usually over the limits set for NR meals
    3. Usually include alcohol which is rarely reimbursed by companies these days

    IMO, it’s also in extremely bad taste to say to your co-workers/team ‘hey let’s have lunch at X place’ and not directly state that it’s dutch.

  17. Duckie*

    People are too nice about the non-paying staff members. My question whenever something comes up about food or drink is – well who is paying? Any reasonable person will establish what is to happen the cost of food, coffee and activity or event.

    The idea people just happened to ‘assume’ it was paid for is nonsense. It’s a common tactic of people who skip out on bills to just pretend they ‘didn’t realise’ stuff ‘wasn’t free.’

    Non payers are common in all walks of life and socio economic circumstances. Some people seem to get a kick out of ripping off others for something as small as $4. It’s a thing to them. Then they take advantage of good people by pretending to ‘not realise’ they ‘had to pay’ and hoping the good people take them at their word. I’ve seen it a lot and I no longer accept that people don’t know about their debts.

  18. Lygeia*

    I had to do some explaining of my name change at work because we went the “pick a whole new name for both of us” route. I’m THRILLED with that decision, but it is funny to have the same conversation over and over with different people. “No, he changed his last name too. No, it’s not an old family name, we just made it up. We made a list of things we liked then narrowed it down.”

    People might be curious, but if you respond as if it’s nbd, they will move on.

  19. Guin*

    Geez, why is food so complicated? Our boss says: “We are all meeting at the No-Name after work to say goodbye to Susan. I will get the first round of drinks and appetizers, and then the rest is up to you.” Or: “I am going to FrostyBurger tomorrow for lunch. Feel free to join me; it will be self-pay.” Why all the angst?

  20. Stinky Socks*

    Hey Alison!

    Your byline on the article reads “Alison Greene, Null” where I’m guessing some professional credential abbreviation should go in place of Null.

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