update: I want my coworker to stop giving me “psychic messages” from my dead family members

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer who wanted her coworker to stop giving her “psychic messages” from dead family members? Here’s the update.

I’m the letter-writer who had a coworker who was giving unsolicited messages from dead family members and pets I’d only very recently lost.

I don’t have a very exciting update, but I guess that’s a good thing. Since I wrote in, I haven’t had any issues with Rebecca trying to send me messages from the spirit world against my will. She’s taken a step back and we’ve definitely gone back to more “work friend” stuff — like she very occasionally asks how I’m doing, and chats to me about video games she’s playing. I’m keeping my plans with friends off of public channels so she can’t insert herself into them.

This is a relief, because in my personal life, I had to have my other dog of 14 years put down last week. It wasn’t sudden and I was prepared, though of course it’s still very difficult. Rebecca hasn’t said anything to me other than offering me normal condolences.

Something I didn’t mention in my first letter is that, only two days after I tragically lost my puppy, I actually wound up finding another (of a different breed). He had already been picked out of his litter, but the woman who was supposed to take him had her horse suddenly die that morning, so she decided against it. Just an awful weekend for pets. Though of course I wasn’t at all trying to “replace” the dog I lost, having this little guy has been such a comfort for all I’ve been going through, especially after losing my other dog. We’re both doing great, and it seems life is finally calming down.

I know I posted in the comments of my original letter, but I want to just give another thank you to everyone for the support and kind words. I really do love the AAM community. I attached a pic of my puppy Sammie for everyone’s enjoyment, if that’s allowed! 


{ 79 comments… read them below }

  1. The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon*

    OMG that face! Those EARS! How can such a creature not be a comfort, I ask you.
    OP, I’m sorry for all your losses but I’m glad people are (currently) being appropriate about them.

    1. Rook Thomas*

      Agreed! So happy that you have this sweet dog in your life. And also that other people are being appropriate (which is just banana crackers to say, frankly . . . that whole situation was all kinds of strange).

  2. Abogado Avocado*

    Sammie’s smile makes my day! What a good dog! Thank you for the update. May you and Sammie make each other very happy!

  3. Panhandlerann*

    Such a cute pup! Thanks for sharing the picture, and I am glad Rebecca is behaving herself now.

    1. Tio*

      “If that’s allowed” I’m sorry that is REQUIRED, thank you XD

      Really OP, wishing you and the pups the best

  4. Retail Dalliance*

    Sammie is a precious angel baby <3 I am glad for this update. Never doubt yourself, OP–you were the perfectly logical, reasonable and sane person in the interactions with your coworker!

  5. RetiredAcademicLibrarian*

    Sammie is such a cutie! I’m sorry for your losses (and I know how hard it is to say goodbye to our furry friends) but hope he comforts you while you cope with the grief.

  6. NerdyPrettyThings*

    “If that’s allowed,” haha! It is REQUIRED! Thanks for including the puppy pic, and I’m so glad you had him to help you through this rough time.

    1. Elizabeth West*

      OF COURSE IT IS <3

      Funny how that happens. A Facebook friend lost her beloved pittie (I'll call him Sam) after an unexpected and sudden health crisis and was understandably devastated. She's in recovery and Sam was a real support to her.

      Not very long after, she ran across another pittie who needed a home. He is a lovable goof and as perfect a fit for her as Sam was. We're convinced he sent the new pup her way because they're so suited to each other.

      1. Former Admin turned Project Manager*

        I saw a spot on We Rate Dogs in which someone donated some supplies to the shelter when her dog died, then went back to the rescue after some healing time to get a new companion. The dog who needed a person happened to be wearing one of the bandanas from the dog who’d passed. It was like a sign from beyond saying “This is your new doggo.”

  7. Dust Bunny*

    When we had our last dog put to sleep (also not a surprise and high time as she was very, very, old, confused, and in pain) we went back the next day and adopted a cat from the vet’s office. It was just going to be unbearable not to have a pet around, and this cat wasn’t a little cute kitten any more and wasn’t getting any attention so she needed a home. Also, the dog adored cats; we semi-joke that the dog picked her out for us.

    Sometimes the right one just falls into your lap.

    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      The puppy I got six months after my Elder Statesdog passed is now almost 2, and she has SO many quirks and habits that are reminiscent of things that Elder Statesdog used to do that my other dog has not ever done.

      1. Loredena*

        We adopted a puppy a couple months before our much loved boy dog unexpectedly died to kidney disease. She has so many of his quirks that our other adult dog never had. I’ve often wondered if he whispers in her dreams as she has habits of his I don’t think he taught her in their short time together.

    2. ferrina*

      That is so sweet! The older animals often have trouble finding a home. So glad you found each other!

    3. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

      When my beloved cat – the furry part of my soul – died 3 years ago, I adopted 2 kittens within 2 weeks. It was for similar reasons. I just couldn’t bear the thought of being without that companionship. I was fortunate to find cats that felt like the right ones, a bonded pair who became best friends in their foster home. They really helped heal my broken heart.

  8. SparklePlenty*

    Sammie looks like he/she was meant for you! Those ears! That smile! Congrats on having the cutest puppy ever!

  9. beebis*

    “I haven’t had any issues with Rebecca trying to send me messages from the spirit world against my will“

    Did you ever in your life think you’d have to write something like this? This is such a bonkers problem and I’m glad it’s no longer an issue

    1. Amber Rose*

      Back in 2013 Alison wrote her (in my opinion) most iconic sentence: “black magic is one of many occupational hazards.”

      So I think at this point she’s probably used to making brand new sentences. :D
      (from the letter “An Employee is Putting Magic Curses on her Coworkers”)

      1. Madre del becchino*

        I had forgotten that the original post was the source of one of Alison’s other iconic sentences: “What in the double-fried f-ck?”

  10. I Have RBF*



    I’m sorry for your loss of your two dogs, but I’m glad that you’ve found a new pup.

  11. Hazel*

    Thank you for the update and glad it worked out for you. Happy to see you have another gorgeous dog in your life.

    That is one stunning dog smile. You can tell it is a cherished part of your family.

  12. Rainey*

    I’m glad she’s staying in her lane, and that you have the best most adorable companion! The fluff is amazing! Give them extra pats from me!

  13. Observer*

    I’m glad for the “boring” part of your update. Boring can be very, very good!

    And I’m glad you have a new dog that gives you comfort. It sounds like you really could use the comfort! I hope things are a lot more calm in the next year.

  14. Minimal Pear*

    I’m afraid I have nothing useful to say here, just, “Ohhhhhhh look at the liddle baby EARS!”

  15. Can'tRememberMyUsername*

    We very much appreciate the photo of the young gent!

    I’m glad that Rebecca heard you loud and clear when you told her to knock it off.

  16. Michelle Smith*

    Sammie may be one of the cutest puppies I’ve ever seen! Thank you for sharing him with us!!

    I’m really glad your coworker finally learned to respect normal boundaries, though I’m terribly sorry you had to endure her inappropriate messages in the interim. Glad she got the message.

  17. AnonORama*

    I’m glad she backed off, and sorry for the loss of your other dog. Also: your dog is CORGEOUS! (Couldn’t resist.)

  18. GreyjoyGardens*

    I’m glad everything worked out OK as far as Rebecca is concerned. And condolences on the loss of your 14 year old dog.

    and now you have Sammie! He’s a Very Good Boy who I am sure will get lots of treats! His ears are on high alert!

  19. Freelance Historian*

    Sammie is such a little love! I know how having a pet can help to ease the loss of another – I adopted three cats in May after my lovely kitty Charlotte died the previous October. While I still miss her and her brother every day, my three fuzzy fellas bring a lot of joy.

  20. MEH Squared*

    OP, I’m so glad that Rebecca has backed off and is not pressing messages from beyond on you any longer.

    Sammie is adorable! That smiles! That tongue! Those ears! May Sammie bring you much joy and comfort.

  21. ChemistryChick*

    COOOOOOOOORG! Ohymgoodness I love him so much.

    So glad you’re not having to deal with Rebecca’s messages anymore.

  22. Juicebox Hero*

    This was one I really wanted to see an update for. I’m glad she’s knocked off the messages from beyond nonsense.

    Animals really do choose you and Sammie knew exactly what you needed when you needed it <3

  23. Ferris Mewler*

    Sammie is adorable! So glad things worked out for you in the end. I’m sorry for all of your losses.

  24. Festively Dressed Earl*

    Reader, I squeeed at him.

    I wondered how you were doing, OP. I’m glad Rebecca backed off without you having to go to your boss or anything, but I’m very sorry to hear about yet another loss. Here’s hoping 2024 is a far better year, and that you have many good years with Sammie The Ridiculously Adorable!

  25. SheLooksFamiliar*

    Oh, OP, I’m so sorry for your loss, and grateful you have Sammie to help you heal. Any time you feel like sharing pics, please do!

  26. EmmaPoet*

    We embrace adorable pet pictures whenever possible. Please tell Sammy that they are a Very Good Dog and the internet loves them.

    I’m sorry about your other pup. It’s so hard to lose them.

  27. ariel*

    So sorry for your losses, OP, and glad Rebecca has backed off in that way! Thank you for sharing your adorable pupper, the best of all puppers! (as they all are)

  28. Third or Nothing!*

    I legit squealed and yelled “CORGI!!!!” when I saw your pic of your sweet Sammie boy. I adore corgis! He is a very handsome boy and looks both very smart and very silly, as all the best corgs are.

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