my boss is upset that I quit without more notice because I’m vital to the business

by Alison Green on July 24, 2024

A reader writes:

I just left my job. I had worked at the same small company for six years. Over the years, I have seen admin staff leave with little notice and staff who gave notice but did not actually work through it. My boss, Amanda, told me that she actually did not want them to work those two weeks, so she gave them the option to leave immediately. I was not there for those conversations, so I only had her word. I also know from past interactions that she is not someone who is open to criticism.

When I left, I was the only employee. I did my job (which is a client-facing job and if something is missed, it can open the business up to liability) plus a large share of the administrative work. Amanda worked partial days while I worked extra hours to get everything done. I was vital to the company running smoothly.

Amanda had asked me multiple times if I planned on staying with the company. I always said yes, because I felt like I could not leave without damaging the business and that she would not be receptive if I told her I didn’t plan to stay.

But one day, I had a terrible day at work and all of the frustrations of the job just boiled over. I felt unsupported, used, and frankly like I was drowning in mismanagement. After a tearful phone call about how stressed I was, my fiance suggested that I look for jobs in his area, about two hours away. We had talked about it before, but now I was ready to leave. It was not a full-time search but I was keeping an eye open. I applied for two jobs. Within a week of submitting my second application, I was interviewed and hired. I told them that I would need a delayed start date so that the transition would be smooth. They agreed.

Amanda did not take the news well. When I gave her my resignation, I told her I could stay at least three to four weeks for a smooth transition. She said okay and walked away. A few minutes later, she told me to be done at the end of the week. I again offered to stay longer, but she said she “would figure it out.” The next day we had the conversation again. I even suggested she look at the calendar before she made a decision because some big events were upcoming. I thought she just needed some time to process the resignation. But she said the same thing, so I called my new employer and set my start date for two weeks later so that I would not be without a pay check for a month.

The next day, Amanda called me in tears and asked me to come in to help out on days when she would be busy. I told I could not do that. I explained that I had offered to stay four weeks and she declined, so I was starting at the new job sooner and would not be available. I told her I would leave her detailed notes and be available for questions. She cried and told me that I was screwing her over by not telling her that I had been looking for a new job. I told her I was not trying to upset her and that I offered to stay on longer for that reason, and every version of “its not you, it’s me” I could think of.

I know that I was a vital employee. I thought I was doing the right thing while still protecting myself. But now I’m not sure. Was I in the wrong? Should I have told her that my plans changed and I had put in applications somewhere else? Could I have handled this better?

No.

You never, ever need to warn your boss that you are job-searching.

Okay, maybe in some very outlier edge cases, like your boss is about to invest significant time and money in training you to take over while she’ll be on leave to donate an organ, has asked you to level with her if you’re not the right person for it, and has done the work to create an environment where you know you could safely say you were considering leaving. Or your boss is about to spend significant capital getting you something you want and, again, has done the work to create an environment where you know you could safely say you were considering leaving.

But usually, you don’t warn your boss you’re job-searching. You don’t warn them because if you do, you risk being pushed out earlier than you want to leave, or sidelined from projects you want to work on, or because you might change your mind and don’t want to permanently be seen as having one foot out the door. You also don’t warn them because it’s simply not the professional convention to expect that you would. Reasonable managers understand the power dynamics involved in the relationship and know they’re not entitled to a heads-up, even if it would make their lives easier to get one. Reasonable managers also know that anyone could be job-searching at any time — or could be crushed by a boulder when they leave their house tomorrow, or have a too-good-to-pass-up offer fall in their lap unexpectedly, or win Powerball, or all sorts of other things — and so they plan for contingencies. A business that relies on everyone staying forever unless they give a ton of notice is a business that’s precarious and poorly run.

And all of that goes double for Amanda for two reasons: One, you’ve seen people leaving without working their whole notice periods and in some of those cases she told you she was part of that decision, so you had good reason to fear being pushed out earlier than you wanted to go. Two, you were the lone employee and playing a vital role, which made it all the more important that she have contingencies in place. If she didn’t, that’s on her, not you.

Not only did you not screw over Amanda, but you actually went above and beyond when you resigned. You offered more than two weeks notice to try to help her, and you were generous enough to extend that offer again after she had already rejected it once.

Amanda wants to be petulant in the moment (“No, leave this week, I don’t need you”) and then be able to retract that once reality sets in. But that’s not how business works. You are a person with your own interests and your own commitments that you can’t walk back just because she’s done sulking now.

You tried to tell her “It’s not you, it’s me.” But it’s her. It’s definitely, definitely her.

You did nothing wrong.

Read an update to this letter. 

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{ 205 comments }

{ 205 comments… read them below }

  1. Cetetera*

    This is basically the equivalent of getting fired, finding a new job immediately, and then having your old employer get mad that you won’t come back. Just wild.

    1. Dr. Rebecca*

      I had that happen. I left to go back to college, and they were absolutely MIFFED that I wouldn’t “help them out for a week.”

      1. Rainy*

        I gave way too much notice when I left a job to go back to college (four months! I would never do it again), but in addition to working there I’d been using the services for my pets, and a year later I took my dog in to stay over xmas as we were going out of town, and they’d lost yet another front employee, unable to face another moment with the verbally abusive, hateful woman who worked there part-time to supplement her retirement.

        I’d shown up when the doors opened so my dog could go to the kennel in the first van of the day, and while I was still chatting with my erstwhile boss and coworkers, the flood of clients and dogs started. The first few were old clients I knew well (nothing like a “Oh my god Rainy are you back!” from someone whose expression is basically the heart-eyes emoji to make you feel good–also the greetings from their dogs!) and my former boss was clearly drowning. I didn’t have anything else to do that day I ran into the back, grabbed a spare smock, pulled my hair back, and started checking in dogs and cats. I worked till the last van left, just after lunch. The boss bought me lunch and was pathetically grateful. This was a long time ago, I can’t remember if she gave me cash or cut me a check for my 5 or 6 hours of work, but when I came back to pick up my dog after his stay, he’d had a bath, and the shop had comped the whole bill. Even back then, and in a low COL area, that was about $200.

        2. Dr. Rebecca*

          Dawwww, that sounds like such a lovely, healthy place! Mine…was not. These people loathed me (without good cause) until they figured out that they needed me. *sigh*

          1. Rainy*

            It really wasn’t! But that was because of the inept management and the toxic atmosphere created by my coworkers, not because of the clients and their pets. I was just so happy to see a couple of my favourite clients off the bat–and honestly, once I wasn’t working there anymore the toxicity couldn’t affect me, because I wasn’t coming back the next day. But it was fun to put on the smock and do the job for a few hours and realize how much happier I was studying and working on campus.

            We should all get a chance to step in the same river once in a while and realize how much we’ve grown, I think. :)

          2. Vio*

            Sometimes they loathe you *because* they need you. It doesn’t make sense to do so, but people can resent the fact that they do need somebody and take it out on the person.

      2. Nica*

        I left a job at a very dysfunctional company. I gave my standard 2 week notice, left notes on all my ongoing project and tied things up to the extent I could before my departure.

        Because I was young and naive, I gave my co-worker my number and contact info at my new job. BIG mistake. She called me ELEVEN TIMES on my first day at the new job and every single piece of information she was looking for was covered in the extensive notes I’d left for her. I told her that she couldn’t continue this and to make a list of questions and call me ONCE with all of them. Next day, she called me seven times. At that point, I looked at the manual for the phones at my new company and saw I could block numbers. She was blocked, immediately both on her personal line and the main company line. I then set my email so that her messages directly went into the junk/spam folder. Thankfully, she did NOT have my home number (and the house number wasn’t under my name so she couldn’t look it up) and this was back before cellphones were common. She showed me quickly that boundaries and simple business etiquette meant nothing to her, so I had to cut ties. Never heard from her again.

    2. Perfectly Cromulent Name*

      100%. I quit a job where I was the only person in a significant role, gave longer notice than I usually would, offered to train people, write more detailed guides on whatever they wanted (I had very basic ones written, but that was for people who had a general idea of how to do my type of work), etc. and got waved away. “Oh, it’s okay! We won’t need that!”

      Then the day before I left, my boss came to me to ask *how many* hours I would be doing for them as a contractor. Not if I wanted to- how many.

      Me: “Um, zero. I quit and am starting a new job. I do not have time to do contract work.”

      Boss: “Oh, it’s okay if you need a week or two off before you start. So, do you want to do maybe 15 hours a week? I don’t think we could get the basics done with less. 20 would be better, but we can probably do 15.”

      Me: “I will not be doing any further work once I leave this role.”

      Boss: “But nobody knows how to do your job! It’s a crucial role! We assumed that you would contract for us while we looked for somebody!”

      I left my basic guides and contracted zero hours. I do not miss that place.

      2. WindmillArms*

        Perfect time to inform them that your hourly rate is $2000 and you need half upfront!

        1. DogFace Boy*

          That is insane. I bet they approached you this way to try to bulldoze you into doing a thing they wanted but knew was a wildly over the top ask.

      3. Ed 'Massive Aggression' Teach*

        The cheek, the nerve, the audacity, the gall and the GUMPTION!

        2. Grizabella the Glamour Cat*

          The effrontery, the arrogance, the chutzpah, and the rich sense of entitlement!

          1. Grizabella the Glamour Cat*

            Ugh, that was supposed to read “the EPIC sense of entitlement”! *facepalm*

    3. Momma Bear*

      Amanda messed around and found out. The fact that the entire company dwindled down to just LW and the boss says a lot about it’s viability. I hope LW left with their head held high. They gave Amanda what she realized she wanted and she rejected it. Not your problem anymore.

  2. CubeFarmer*

    LW offered way more than the standard notice period, which was more than generous. Amanda seems seriously indecisive and disorganized.

  3. B*

    If you are truly vital to the business, you should have an equity stake. Otherwise, you have zero obligation to them and they have made zero commitment to you. Do not tolerate abusive workplaces or bosses. They will sap you of everything you give them.

    1. A Significant Tree*

      I agree, but I’d also advise OP against taking any hypothetical equity stake offer – Amanda sounds like a terrible business partner. As just an employee, OP shouldn’t care more about Amanda’s business than Amanda does. OP sounds like they have a great work ethic, they will do well in the new job.

      1. Bossy*

        Amanda is totally ridiculous. How prideful and ignorant do you have to be to not be able to make a simple business decision like this? Like, to know that she needs OPs help for as much time as she could possibly retain it for AND she needs to get her act together YESTERDAY. I’d try to hire another person to learn from OP with me who would also hopefully stay. Anyway this woman probably isn’t in business anymore.

        1. Momma Bear*

          Also, Amanda apparently never had a contingency plan. People get seriously ill or pass away – what would she have done without OP then? Her poor planning is not OP’s problem to fix.

    2. Pastor Petty Labelle*

      This. 10,000 times this.

      If you were so vital to the business, Amanda should have treated you better. If the business will fail if you leave that is on Amanda. It’s her business.

      1. Mentally Spicy*

        No business should ever be reliant on one employee. It’s extremely poor management if one person leaving brings the future of the company into jeopardy.

        I’ve been there. I started at a company in a team of four. By the time I left I was the sole person on that “team”. And it sucks because I genuinely cared about my clients and the work I was doing for them. I get the feeling LW was the same. I had no loyalty to the company (a family owned small business who took huge advantage of my goodwill) but I hated the thought of letting “my” clients down. But of course, they’re weren’t “my” clients, and once I realised that I was more comfortable walking away. (My boss buying a Porsche while I was working 60-70 hours a week making very little money was also a deciding factor!)

        What made it tougher was the fact the I (largely) single-handedly built that part of the business up to the point where 20% of the company turnover was generated by my “team”. By me, essentially. I was really proud of that and it’s so hard to walk away from that because you feel personally invested.

        1. MassMatt*

          It would have served them right if you had started your own business and taken those clients with you!

    3. The Cosmic Avenger*

      This was exactly what I was thinking, B. As the only other employee, with the *owner* working part-time, why would the owner expect the OP to care so much more about the business than she did? The OP had no literal or figurative stake in the company, but the owner seemed to feel that the OP should be more responsible for its success than she was!

    4. tw1968*

      BINGO!!! Boss decided to FAFO (mess around / find out). These people just don’t get it, do they? You’re *VITAL* to the business? You should be part owner AND get more support from your boss, and, dare I say, have some staff under you to take over some lesser responsibilities. Be prepared for her to say “no one wants to work”…so you can reply “People don’t quit bad jobs, they quit bad *managers*”. Ignore and block, except to find out how long before her business goes down in flames without you.

      Also, CONGRATULATIONS on getting a new job so quickly! That speaks volumes about your abilities! Good luck in your new job–please update!!

    5. Meep*

      Wish I had learn this lesson before schlogging away at a business exactly like this for 5 years. I definitely feel for LW. When you have been in a toxic environment that long, it really does affect you mentally. Heck, I have C-PSTD as a result. Hopefully LW’s new place has good enough health care to cover a few therapy sessions since she is going to need them.

    6. April*

      My boss tells me she would have to lay off half the staff if I quit without a replacement, but wants to retire and will only consider selling to me for $2-3 million. I have zero equity, but I’m staying for now at least as the benefits and pay are great and the work is pretty easy and under 40 hours. I do have my criteria to leave, however, and I would take something that didn’t involve working with the general public in a heartbeat. I do not care if my boss can’t find a buyer for the white elephant of a business and property, especially considering how overvalued they have it.

  4. Antilles*

    My boss, Amanda, told me that she actually did not want them to work those two weeks, so she gave them the option to leave immediately. I was not there for those conversations, so I only had her word.
    Am I the only person who read this and would have given Amanda near-zero notice? Forget four weeks notice, if you’re pushing people out the door with the “option” to leave immediately (presumably without being paid the full two weeks), I’m thinking I don’t even owe you the customary two weeks.

    1. Dust Bunny*

      I would have given her two weeks as a matter of personal principle but not a minute more, and if she snarfed me off I’d have said, fine, and left early.

      1. Venus*

        Yeah, I wouldn’t give less than two weeks because it has the potential to look bad. I also wouldn’t give her more than two weeks and the OP was very generous!

    2. MsM*

      OP (understandably) doesn’t seem to have gotten a great picture of workplace norms with Amanda. I hope the new place is better to them.

      1. Brain the Brian*

        Seriously. How many letters have we had of situations where employees have picked up really messed up workplace norms and feel guilty about doing perfectly usual things? This is another case of this. LW, I hope your new job treats you better!

    3. fhqwhgads*

      That’s where I thought the letter was going, was surprised to see OP not only offer 4 weeks, but do it REPEATEDLY while being turned down multiple times. Amanda confirmed multiple times she didn’t want to help. She treated her employee like crap. She earned whatever screwed-overness that came her way.

    4. Office Drone*

      I would have given the two weeks, but I wouldn’t have mentioned the new job. I’d have told Amanda, “I’m relocating to join my fiancé in his city, so my last day will be next Friday.”

      This is hindsight, I know, but I still remember the advice of my father, who was a union rep for many years. “Never allow management believe your exit is negotiable.”

    5. Nica*

      That’s how I read it to. If the company isn’t extending the courtesy of paying out a notice than neither should an employee.

      I worked for a company that did that for a while. If you gave notice, you were “walked out” immediately. They gave some BS excuse about “sensitive info” and “company security” that was ultimately a lot of BS. Then they were all surprised when employees were walking into their manager’s offices at 4pm on a Friday and saying, “Today is my last day.”

      The policy was eventually changed. I’m not sure who thought it was a good idea in the first place.

    1. ferrina*

      Ah, the perils of a totally foreseeable outcome that you asked for and were warned about!

      1. duinath*

        If only you could have known this would happen when you decided this was what should happen and did not give anyone an inch when they tried to tell you it was a bad idea.

        If only.

        1. starsaphire*

          Who could have predicted such an entirely predictable outcome, foreshadowed by nothing more than hundreds and hundreds of identical stories from identical situations? Who?

          Welcome to Find Out Town, population Amanda.

          2. Thegreatprevaricator*

            :D This! I wondered how long much scrolling before I got to my immediate thought which was along these lines but much less eloquent.

          3. AngryOctopus*

            Yep. She has played the stupid games, and now Amanda is the winner of many many stupid prizes.

      2. goddessoftransitory*

        Reminds me of an old Brilliant Thoughts postcard showing a drawing of a kitten tangled in yard, with the caption “Singlehandedly, I have fought my way into this hopeless mess.”

    2. Squirrel!*

      You put it much nicer than what I was going to say, which was that she effed around and found out!

    4. Goldenrod*

      Exactly what I thought! Well, I thought, “Karma’s a bitch, Amanda” but same idea, your version is just nicer. ;p

    5. Peanut Hamper*

      As my grandfather used to say, “Don’t shit where you eat.” If only Amanda’s grandfather had told her that.

  6. Dust Bunny*

    Everyone else left, you’re working overtime while Amanda works partial days? F-orget that. The problem here was that your boss was a fundamentally unreasonable person who was happy to pay one person to do the work of several while she worked part-time. It’s not your problem she put all her eggs in one employee basket and then set the basket on fire.

    1. AB*

      +1

      And OP offered MULTIPLE times to extend the notice but Amanda rejected it every single time.

      Amanda’s poor planning and reaction is NOT on OP.

      1. ferrina*

        YUP.

        Amanda is doing everything she can to avoid the consequences of her own actions. She wants to say “no” while getting the benefits of “yes”. Absolutely not how life works, and so so so glad that OP is getting out!

      2. HonorBox*

        My dad had a sign in his office that said, “Poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part.”

        Amanda needs to take this to heart.

        1. Orv*

          I almost bought one of those signs once, but I work in IT so it’s not actually true. It’s still my emergency whether it’s my fault or not. ;)

      3. GammaGirl1908*

        Her poor planning AND the results of her tantrum. I particularly dislike people who are like, “Fine! Get out! Go, now! Get!” and then when the person leaves, they are shocked that the person they just ordered to leave is leaving.

        (Also see: people who threaten to break up their relationship, when really either A) they want to have a consequential discussion (or an argument), or B) they want to throw a trump card to get their way. Then they are shocked when their partner accepts the breakup and leaves.)

        1. Bird names*

          This, especially your second paragraph. I think ferrina captured it well too further upthread.
          She decided to induldge her momentary emotional reaction (already unprofessional) and then externalise that reaction in classical DARVO-fashion.
          LW, you did nothing wrong here. You simply encountered a fairly unreasonable person and being extra reasonable in her vicinity unfortunately does not decrease your former boss’ unreasonableness.

    2. Paint N Drip*

      FULLY agree. OP you stuck by your own morals, and that’s all you can do – Amanda was happy to use & abuse you, and will have to live with the consequences of her actions.

      Enjoy your new job OP!! Hope you and your fiancé have a fantastic life together away from Amanda haha

    1. juliebulie*

      She wasn’t crying because you were mean. She was crying because of what her work life will be like when you’re gone. Due to her own stupidity.

      1. Venus*

        This exactly! She’s one of those people who isn’t sad about what they did, she’s sad that treating you badly has resulted in consequences for her.

  9. Jiminy Cricket*

    I feel so sad that the OP felt they even had to write out the first four paragraphs. You don’t have to justify a job search! Your reasons are all good (and congratulations!) but even if you just woke up one morning and quit because you felt like it you are always allowed to leave your job.

    Congrats, again!

    1. Clisby*

      And any manager with half a grain of sense should realize employees could (and I think should) always be job-searching. Not necessarily actively searching and applying, but alert to possibilities that might come up.

  10. sa.greyhound*

    I will NEVER tell my employer I am interviewing. Many years ago, I hated my corporate retail job and started interviewing elsewhere. I stupidly told one of my coworkers who told her boss who told my boss. I was hauled into the office and told that they hoped I got the job because I couldn’t continue to work there any longer. Then they said if I trained another coworker over the next 4 weeks they would pay me severance. I actually felt relieved and left that company in a much better place than I found it. I even answered some basic questions AFTER I left. The other job? Well, they ghosted me after an interview, team lunch, and dinner with the GM. I ended up with my severance, unemployment, and temporarily helping the outplacement company with some recruiting before a found another job two months later.

    You did nothing wrong. You handled it better than many people would. It’s not you, it’s HER!

    1. Lana Kane*

      I’m having an outsized reaction to your coworker (the managers too, but their behavior is the very reason you don’t tell them about a coworker’s plans). I hope people see that the upheaval that this causes for the employee getting “ratted out” is so much harsher than any repercussion a company will have by having an employee give notice. I’m sorry you went through all that.

      1. Milothecat*

        Yes 100%. The first scenario (company down personnel) is an inconvenience the other scenario means the person might not be able to pay their mortgage or rent. It sucks and no one wants to feel like they’re going behind their boss’ or coworkers backs but it’s important to put yourself first

    2. CommanderBanana*

      ^^ This. I don’t care how vital I am or think I am, I am never telling an employer or coworker I am thinking of leaving until I have an accepted offer in hand and a start date.

      A few years ago my horrible old organization decided to conduct stay interviews because they were hemorrhaging people (they still are). The HR director conducted them, swore up and down they were confidential, then kept asking me whether I was thinking of leaving. I told her that I wasn’t actively looking (which was true) but always keep an eye on new opportunities (which was true).

      Over TWO YEARS later, when I resigned, my boss repeated to me verbatim what I had told the HR director during this “confidential” stay interview and then said that was the reason I had never been promoted or given a substantial raise, despite covering 2.5 jobs in the years I had been there.

      Because I was “looking for other opportunities” so that must have meant I was going to leave. Even though that was over two years before in a “confidential” conversation.

      Lesson learned. I will never participate in a stay interview again, and I will never, ever believe that an HR “professional” can keep anything confidential.

      1. Milothecat*

        Omg! Especially because maybe if they had promoted you or given a raise you wouldn’t be looking anymore. It’s like they wanted to get back at you for even daring to look when the entire reason they were conducting meetings was because everyone was leaving!

      2. Goldenrod*

        “then said that was the reason I had never been promoted or given a substantial raise, despite covering 2.5 jobs in the years I had been there.”

        Whoa, that is horrifying!

        Sometimes people comment on this site that the other commenters are too harsh towards HR. But this is why! There are so many stories like this one.

        1. CommanderBanana*

          Right? I mean, I’m sorry that the HR professionals reading this site may get their feelings hurt, but the reality is the stakes are SO high when an HR “professional” does something like this, it only takes one time to realize that you really can’t trust them.

          I would only go to an HR “professional” now if there was an issue if I was already lawyered up and ready to sue.

    3. MassMatt*

      In that meeting, Evil Me would have said to the bosses that coworker and I were BOTH looking for other jobs and comparing our searches. Coworker deserves to be fired also.

    4. Nina*

      Seconding. You never, ever, ever tell anybody, including your favorite coworkers, at your current employer that you’re even considering thinking about leaving until your next job is locked down, offered, accepted, start date set, all the paperwork done. Then you give notice.

      1. Chirpy*

        Right? I did feel bad that my favorite coworker was blindsided when I quit my previous job, but I didn’t want to tell anyone until I’d finalized it with management, for all of these reasons. The manager just unfortunately told her before I could.

  12. Will "scifantasy" Frank*

    I wonder–if, God forbid, the OP had been hit by a bus, would Amanda have shown up at the funeral to complain that she didn’t get advance notice?

    2. Meep*

      I worked for an Amanda. My coworkers and I joked that that if I was in the hospital she would bring my work laptop to me and if I died she would hold a seance to resurrect me.

      I imagine some of the same.

    3. Meep*

      I worked for an Amanda. My coworkers and I joked that that if I was in the hospital she would bring my work laptop to me and if I perished, she would hold a séance to resurrect me.

      I imagine some of the same.

    5. Jam on Toast*

      Or possibly an occult ritual, complete with air choking incense and sonorous chanting.
      Omnia…sanctus…Quarterly Reportus!

  13. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

    Amanda, Amanda, Amanda…

    Do you actually know what your company does anymore? Do you care?

    1. Salty Caramel*

      She either doesn’t care or she’s willfully ignorant. How do you not address that you’re down to one employee?

  14. MassMatt*

    The part that jumped out at me is that LW was working overtime (paid, I hope!), and in a crucial role at that, while the owner worked partial days.

    It’s a cliché, but it’s true: You shouldn’t care more for the business than the owner does.

    Where was this owner when the staff was gradually dwindling down to a single crucial (and overworked!) employee? Stop feeling badly for her or blaming yourself, you did nothing wrong. She sounds like a terrible owner, if her business fails it’s her own fault.

    1. Festively Dressed Earl*

      It’s a cliché, but it’s true: You shouldn’t care more for the business than the owner does.
      +1000. LW, you’ve done more than your due diligence and given Amanda more than professional courtesy demands. It’s time to clean your hands of her and take care of your own career and your own needs. If Amanda wants to run a business, she can actually start running it.

    2. SarahKay*

      You shouldn’t care more for the business than the owner does.

      This!
      My first full-time job was at a family-owned restaurant, and I was expected to work hard, including (not surprisingly) very long days over the Christmas / New Year period. But: the owner and her husband both started earlier than I did and were the last people to leave at the end of the day.
      While there were elements of their leadership I found underwhelming, I certainly respected their commitment to their business.

  15. Reebee*

    “Amanda worked partial days while I worked extra hours to get everything done.”
    ———–

    Screw you, Amanda.

  16. Alex*

    Amanda sounds immature and a bit narcissistic. “I want all my needs catered to, what I want is the only thing that matters, oh and also I get to be irrational all over everyone and they just need to keep up or it is their fault.”

    OP the only thing here you did wrong was being TOO nice to someone who seems like she’s never looked out for anyone else in her life.

    1. Lana Kane*

      Immature and impetuous were my first thoughts.

      OP the only thing here you did wrong was being TOO nice to someone who seems like she’s never looked out for anyone else in her life.
      Bingo

  17. NameRequired*

    “I told her I would leave her detailed notes and be available for questions.”

    I would strongly recommend that you screen those questions to email and let them sit for at least 24-48 hours before you answer them, thus training Amanda that you are not her Convenient Immediate Solution Provider. If they involve much more than “where did you leave that file?” you are well within your rights to say you left documentation and are not available for any more questions.

    (Some people will give F-off consulting rates when they leave, but you have to actually be willing to consult at that rate if they decide to pay it)

    1. MsM*

      Or even if you didn’t leave documentation, it’s okay to tell Amanda your new job/move is taking up all your time and you can’t help. She’s the one who screwed herself out of making sure you were able to cover everything with her before leaving; she can figure out how to get herself out of whatever problems that’s caused.

    2. Elbe*

      Yes. I feel like if the LW gives Amanda an inch, she’ll take a mile.

      The LW should set clear time frames (“I’ll be available to answer occasional, quick questions for one week, but then I will need to focus on other things”) and then be prepared to stick to them, even if Amanda throws a fit.

      1. ferrina*

        OP shouldn’t answer a single question for Amanda.

        Leave good documentation, then make a clean break with that place. It’s very unlikely that Amanda will give OP a good reference anyways (or rather, Amanda will only give a good reference if she feels like it, which will be completely unrelated to whether OP deserves a good reference).

        Absolutely agree with Elbe that if you give Amanda an inch, she will take a mile.

    3. Anonynon*

      Yes! Came here to say this. OP needs to be careful giving Amanda the option to contact her with questions. There’s probably a non-zero percent chance that she won’t take advantage of OP’s offer, but I would be it’s a very small non-zero percent chance.

      1. Rooby*

        And don’t let her convince you that providing help after you leave is standard or expected. Some people do in some circumstances, but most don’t and it’s often a bad idea. It’s not your duty, not your problem.

    4. Observer*

      I would strongly recommend that you screen those questions to email and let them sit for at least 24-48 hours before you answer them, thus training Amanda that you are not her Convenient Immediate Solution Provider.

      I would go even further. I would strongly suggest that the OP respond to the first request for help by telling Amanda that circumstances have changed, and she’s not available for answering questions.

      Then block her.

  18. Joe Momma*

    You did nothing wrong, OP. If I were you I would document your conversations with Amanda to preserve future references/employment verifications. Amanda sounds like she might not give you a good reference even though it’s not your fault. You want to be able to tell future employers “I gave 4 weeks notice on (date) and my boss told me she only needed me for the remainder of the week. The next day, she backtracked and asked me to stay longer, but I had already made arrangements with my new job to start earlier.”

    I honestly wouldn’t be available for questions after you leave or if you must, give a deadline by which you will no longer be available to answer questions. She’s gonna run you ragged and have you work for free if you don’t take a hard line with this.

    1. HonorBox*

      Your first paragraph makes me wonder something. While it is very likely that OP will never get a good reference from Amanda, would it be worth flagging that to a hiring manager in advance of any potential call? Clearly, you wouldn’t list her as an actual reference, but if they called previous employers anyway, would it be worth noting somehow that “This employer did not handle my departure and notice well…”, and then go on to say what you’ve written? Would that be helpful in advance to play some defense by playing offense?

      1. Joe Momma*

        yeah probably if you got to the offer stage or later in the process when they ask for references, tell who you’re listing as a reference and why you’re not listing your manager of 6 years. If you’re cool through the interview process, the interviewing employer should be able to understand especially if they actually talk to Amanda

  19. Person from the Resume*

    It actually WAS Amanda …
    (1) I had a terrible day at work and all of the frustrations of the job just boiled over. I felt unsupported, used, and frankly like I was drowning in mismanagement.
    (2) Amanda worked partial days while I worked extra hours to get everything done.

    … but LW did nothing wrong. It is the responsibility of the management and owner to contingency and succession plan especially when the company consists of only 1 full time employee. And if the company consists of only 1 full time employee, it is the responsibility of management to keep that one critical employee very, very happy, appreciated, and well-paid.

    LW giving 4 weeks notice was professional and kind. But accepting Amanda’s decision that she wanted your final day earlier was professional. Amanda was wildly unprofessional and is now paying the price.

    1. ferrina*

      I want to hear more tales of Amanda. I’ll be real money that there was much, much more that didn’t make it into this letter.

      2. MsM*

        I bet years from now, LW will have moments where she remembers something from this job and suddenly realizes, “Wow, that was messed up.”

  20. Elbe*

    Amanda wants to be petulant in the moment (“No, leave this week, I don’t need you”) and then be able to retract that once reality sets in. But that’s not how business works. You are a person with your own interests and your own commitments that you can’t walk back just because she’s done sulking now.

    This is so spot-on! Amanda sounds very emotionally immature. She wants to act on every impulse and then blame other people when (easily foreseen) things go wrong.

    The LW shouldn’t give this any more thought. You just can’t reason with unreasonable people. Enjoy the new job and the new location!

  21. H.Regalis*

    Amanda wanted to play sulky baby games and thus she won sulky baby prizes.

    LW, you did nothing wrong.

    1. OrdinaryJoe*

      Yep! This! I personally love it when someone wants to play stupid, sulky games and I let them ‘win’ :-) Great! Enjoy!

  22. WantonSeedStitch*

    Amanda’s picture should be next to the idiomatic dictionary’s definition of “cutting off your nose to spite your face.”

  23. The other sage*

    I wonder how people like Amanda stay in business for so long without going under.

    1. Lana Kane*

      Other people’s goodwill, is my guess. But eventually they go under, it depends on how many people and how much goodwill.

      1. Mentally Spicy*

        Absolutely. It sounds like the company was run entirely on LW’s goodwill and conscientious. A good owner/manager in that situation would be moving heaven and Earth to make sure that their sole employee was happy and taken care of. It very much sounds like Amanda was not that sort of owner/manager.

    2. pally*

      There’s always someone else out there who can be exploited to their limit by Amanda-like bosses. The Amandas of the world know how to find these kinds of people. Usually, it’s someone who doesn’t fully recognize their true value. And may not feel comfortable standing up for themselves.
      That’s why websites like this one can be of great service to others.

    4. Statler von Waldorf*

      Money. Best case, they’re independently wealthy, they have angel investors, or they have family money to prop up the business. Worst case, they’re leveraged in debt up to their eyeballs and the sunk cost fallacy is stopping from making the right choice and cutting bait.

      1. The other sage*

        So true! Some people are so rich that they can afford to make horrible decisions again and again.

        1. Statler von Waldorf*

          I used to do books for a guy who managed to lose money 12 years out of 15. He didn’t even make that much money in his good three years.

          The amount he lost over fifteen years was barely a rounding error to his family. That business will keep running until he retires, no matter how many bone-headed decisions he makes, because for tax reasons it is cheaper for the family to subsidize his business than to simply cut him a check every month.

          I’m sure he’s not the only one. The boss from this letter gives me very similar vibes.

          1. CommanderBanana*

            ^^ This. I live in an area with some cute little boutiques that I’m 99% sure are tax write-offs for the rich. I mean, if I had family to subsidize a hobby job, I might open a cute little boutique of my own and not care if it actually made any money.

            1. Orv*

              Even for rich people there are limits to using a money-losing business as a tax write-off. Eventually the IRS tends to catch on and tell you “this is a hobby, not a bona fide business.” It doesn’t take that many years in a row of losses.

              But I’m also willing to believe that there are rich people who run cute little boutiques *as* a hobby, because it’s fun for them. I’ve known of at least two drive-in theaters that were kept going long after they were no longer profitable for exactly that reason.

              1. Ed 'Massive Aggression' Teach*

                My favourite (and iconic) queer bookshop is essentially just some rich guy’s hobby, from what I understand. I was chatting to the staff after COVID lockdowns ended and when I expressed concerns they were just like “oh yeah, our owner doesn’t really mind too much if we make a profit or not, we should be fine”.

              2. Statler von Waldorf*

                In my experience, the tax agencies are all bark and no bite on this issue. They don’t want to go after rich people who can afford excellent legal representation over issues that are difficult to litigate. The line between a hobby and a business isn’t a bright one.

            2. goddessoftransitory*

              This reminds me of businesses in my neighborhood that I have speculated are Mob fronts because I have never, not once, seen a customer entering or leaving. Someone is paying the exorbitant rent on those places for some reason…

      2. Antilles*

        Yeah, this is the only answer. She’s got enough money that business either has can’t fail or it doesn’t particularly matter to her if it succeeds or fails.
        Every single successful small business owner I’ve ever met works a lot hours and almost all of the unsuccessful ones too. Why? Because even if you’ve got a dedicated employee like OP (or several), there’s a lot of tasks that basically can’t be effectively delegated in a small business. The fact Amanda is working partial days makes it very clear to me that she isn’t particularly invested in the business succeeding – which itself is only possible if there’s a lot of money backing it.

    5. Meep*

      Hire new, fresh out of college students with no work experience and low self-esteem.

      Ask me how I know.

  24. learnedthehardway*

    This is a case of Amanda playing stupid games and getting stupid prizes.

    OP, you gave FAR more than the standard notice. Amanda reacted like an idiot. That’s on her, not you.

    I would definitely NOT change your revised start date with the new employer – you’ve committed to that, and should stick to it. You gave Amanda every opportunity to do what was in her own best interests, and she didn’t.

  25. Agent Diane*

    Amanda wanted the kudos of being a business owner without the hassle of actually, you know, running her business. She can get in the sea.

    You have gone above and beyond to help her, both in running the business for her and being willing to handover in a professional way. She’s can’t see her own role in any of this, which is an Amanda problem, not a you problem.

    I hope the new job lets you leave the work behind at the end of the day, and you get to enjoy your Amanda-free life.

    1. ferrina*

      It reminds me of when my kid was 3. She would have a tantrum and throw her toys against the wall, then be upset that her toys were broken. But unlike Amanda, my 3yo learned and found better coping mechanisms.

  26. takeachip*

    “A few minutes later, she told me to be done at the end of the week. I again offered to stay longer, but she said she “would figure it out.” The next day we had the conversation again. I even suggested she look at the calendar before she made a decision because some big events were upcoming. ”

    OP why were you trying to save her from herself? She told you she wanted you gone right away, she had a pattern of pushing people out quickly and being a jerk about it, she was a terrible boss. What you did is the inverse equivalent of a manager who tries to talk a bad employee who threatens to quit into staying. When someone with a history of being petty and short-sighted wants to do something petty and short-sighted again, let them. When you have a chance to rid yourself of a shitty boss/employee with minimal fuss, take it sooner rather than later.

    1. ThreeSeagrass*

      Right? It seems like the OP did way more than most people would have done in this situation. Glad they escaped, but I’m sorry that Amanda made them second guess themself. You did nothing wrong OP, and you deserve so much better than this!

  28. Ed 'Massive Aggression' Teach*

    Well, I hope the bed Amanda’s made for herself has the pillows well-plumped, but somehow I doubt it.

    OP: Not only did you do nothing wrong, you frankly went above and beyond the call of duty in your diligence and generosity to your boss.

    1. Juicebox Hero*

      She deserves to have pillows that are lumpy, and always slightly moist and warm on both sides.

  29. CommanderBanana*

    This is Amanda’s fault. Someone who behaves this way towards their employees doesn’t deserve to have employees. Petulant is the right word for it.

  30. Garblesnark*

    Amanda’s choices here are called “come here, go away behavior” and it’s a common pattern in people who lead high control groups and cults.

  31. NotARealManager*

    You said yourself you felt like you were drowning in mismanagement. Amanda is proving that to you again with how she’s handled your departure. Good management doesn’t handle employee transitions this way.

  32. Ginger Cat Lady*

    You’re absolutely in the right to leave the way you did!
    The only thing I would have done differently is not say “It’s me, not you” – I would have definitely said “you created an intolerable solution so I left.”
    But I’m pretty direct like that and no one has ever called me a “people pleaser”

  35. Rosemary*

    Well, well, well…if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions, Amanda.

    LW, do not for one second question your decision. Not a single second.

  36. smirkette*

    Every single small business owner I have worked for (granted, a VERY small non-random sample) has struggled with treating employees well, having realistic ideas about workload, and following professional norms that work in the employee’s favor.

  37. e271828*

    LW, congratulations on your new job two hours away from Amanda! I assume you will be relocating to be near your fiance, also, and I wish you a bright and happy future. If anyone tries Amanda-style nonsense on you again, you will recognize it for the manipulation it is.

    1. Fledge Mulholland*

      Yes, OP, congratulations! As her only employee, Amanda should have known your personal situation with your fiancée two hours away and seen this coming and planned for it. You did everything right and have nothing to feel guilty about. Enjoy your next chapter!

  38. I Have RBF*

    Amanda sounds like a seriously dysfunctional piece of work. LW, I’m glad you are out of there. That asshole used and abused you, and assumed that you’d be there forever to soak up her shit.

    As has been said above, if your business relies heavily on one employee, the employer needs to make sure that one workhorse is very well taken care of, and still have contingency plans for if they get sick, retire, or win the lottery.

  39. Kevin Sours*

    If you a vital to a business it is on them to make sure you want to stay, not on you stay.

  40. Raisin Walking to the Moon*

    Once you have some distance, OP, I think you’re going to realize that Amanda has been really unfair to you. None of this was normal.

  41. I Am On Email*

    OP you did all the right things (and went above and beyond what you needed to do!)

    I can’t wait for your update at Christmas when you’re settling into your new job and location!

  42. Cinnamon Stick*

    I have the impression that Amanda thinks employees should be loyal even though she does nothing to make them want to stay and plenty to push them out.

  43. Nat20*

    I sincerely hope that some time at the new job and away from Amanda will give the letter writer some perspective on just how bad of a boss she is, and how her current problems are entirely her own fault. I’d be willing to bet that even just a few weeks at a (hopefully) much more normal job will throw Amanda’s ridiculousness into sharp relief.

  44. I'm the Phoebe in any Group*

    I want to add that your former boss never replaced co-workers who left and works only part-time herself. If she wants to keep her business, she needs to work. But not your problem! Enjoy your new life.

  45. CSRoadWarrior*

    Amanda is someone who should NOT be running a business. Period. Or managing anyone for that matter.

    OP, you did the right thing. Don’t ever think otherwise. Good for you for leaving and finding a better job. And being closer to your fiancé as well.

  46. Too Long Til Retirement*

    “A business that relies on everyone staying forever unless they give a ton of notice is a business that’s precarious and poorly run.”

    Can we shout this from the rooftops to every small business in existence?! Please??

    1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

      I work in a small business where I’m mission-critical.

      So we have a “lottery bus” contingency plan (which got partly invoked when I got plague) *and* I’m contracted to give three months’ notice.

  47. HonorBox*

    OP, I agree with so many others who are telling you that you have nothing to think twice about. You handled this far better than Amanda deserved.

    The one thing I keep thinking about is this: You’re engaged. Surely she knew that. Your impending wedding didn’t necessarily mean that you were going to quit the next day. But I’m guessing she probably knew that your fiance lived elsewhere. A good boss, good owner, good manager would at least be thinking about how to move forward should you decide to move on. That doesn’t mean putting you under the bright light and quizzing you about future plans that you may not have settled on yet. But that does mean considering what she might need to do in the event you chose to live where your fiance lives. Or you both chose to move to Barcelona. She owns the company and is in a much better position to a) put in extra time herself to ensure she’s up to speed on everything and b) have some plans in mind for how to deal with departures. B doesn’t necessarily require her to have a written plan, but given the fact that life happens (marriages, moves, new jobs, unforeseen illnesses, pregnancy, family emergencies) not having some clue of what the next steps look like is a huge, unforced error on her part. You did everything you could, and more, to ease the transition. That she is flailing now is only a reflection of her running the business poorly.

    1. HonorBox*

      Just adding this, too, OP: Please dive into your new work, your new home, your wedding plans and don’t even think twice about helping Amanda. If she reaches out, maybe respond when you have a free moment a day or two later. But if it is anything beyond a simple question/answer, you shouldn’t give her more time than all of the other, more important things, are getting in your life.

      1. ferrina*

        Yes yes yes.

        OP, leave Amanda behind. She is unreasonable and awful. Do not let her linger in your life longer than you absolutely need to. Trust me, one day you’ll look back and think “why did I stay around so long?”

    1. Insert Clever Name Here*

      And that’s what happens when your cat jumps on the keyboard as you’re typing your name, hahaha

  49. Alan*

    OP, your boss is a petulant child. You did everything with kindness and grace. She f-ed up and that’s not your problem.

  50. Sharon*

    Just pointing out that sometimes people are upset by things that affect them in a negative way. It doesn’t necessarily indicate that *you* did anything wrong. It just means that person is having feelings about the situation they are in.

    1. ferrina*

      +100

      Just because Amanda is upset at you doesn’t mean that it’s is your fault. Blame does not equal cause. Reasonable conscientious people assign blame based on cause; unreasonable people assign blame unrelated to cause. Amanda has given a lot of evidence that she is not reasonable.

  51. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

    You are 100% in the right.
    Also, you are very wise to leave – sounds like the business is circling the drain due to Annabel’s incompetence, especially if you were the last remaining employee.

  52. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

    I would set a HARD limit on the offer you gave to be available to answer questions. And a contractor per hour rate.

  53. Dawn*

    I’m betting Amanda has made it through a lot of life relying on the crocodile tears.

    Let’s be clear: it is 1000% unreasonable to expect that an employee will eternally do whatever is most convenient for you, the owner (i.e. the person making the real money.)

    If she wants that kind of a commitment from her employees, she can make them a partner with an equal share in the profits, but what she actually wants is to coast on someone else’s labour.

  54. kanada*

    The title here is “my boss is upset that I quit without more notice because I’m vital to the business”, but I really don’t think the notice period has anything to do with it.

    OP, ask yourself honestly if you think your departure would have gone better if you had been honest with your boss that you were thinking of leaving, and offered to give her six months notice rather than four weeks.

    It’s possible that if you had, Amanda would have immediately gone into overdrive looking for someone to replace you and made sure that training that person was your main priority–but you have a better idea than we do of whether that’s the case.

  55. baseballfan*

    What an incredibly toxic environment! Amanda is a truly terrible boss, and you are fortunate to be out of there.

  57. TheBunny*

    Dear Amanda,

    You are experiencing what can accurately be called FAFO.

    LW you did nothing wrong. Enjoy your new position without Amanda.

  59. MollyGodiva*

    It is not the job of employees to protect management from the consequences of their own poor decisions.

  60. chewingle*

    Similar thing happened at my husband’s workplace recently. Employee put in notice, company said to just go. The next day, company was desperately calling her asking for vital files and other things she needed to handoff for important projects. You know…the purpose of giving notice.

    It was a shitshow and made my husband’s life hell for about three weeks. What I told him is that is super unfortunate, but sometimes for a company to be held accountable for stupid business decisions, people closer to the ground will also be inconvenienced. When the post mortem happens, my feedback would be, “Hey, maybe don’t actively make our lives harder by dismissing a vital person to a project.”

    1. CommanderBanana*

      Maybe I’m just spectacularly petty, but I would not have helped without a hefty consulting fee. Or probably not even answered my phone. Once I don’t work there anymore, I don’t work there anymore.

      1. Dawn*

        Say it again for the people in the back; I had to remind my own former employer of this after they laid me off.

      2. Leave Hummus Alone*

        Screaming this from the rooftops! I had to institute a hefty consulting fee after my old job emailed/called weekly with LISTS of questions. All of the answers were in the extensive documentation I left for them. Control F is your friend and free. I am neither.

  61. Boof*

    Yea Amanda sounds like a horrible manager and any problems are her fault, not yours OP. At the worst maybe you’ve enabled the bad behavior at your own expense for too long, but walking away with standard notice (or less, when they tell you to get out because they’re being their usual bad manager self) is the best thing you can do; for yourself and hey, who knows, maybe this business needs to fail because it’s so badly run or maybe Amanda will someday realize they are the one making all the problems. But that’s not on you OP, your only move is to politely decline to indulge their unprofessional behavior, as you did!
    I’m so glad you had enough and got out! Never stay in a bad position for someone else’s benefit – you’re not the one who’s going to reap the rewards of owning the business, so you shouldn’t set yourself in fire to keep it warm! (I’d say the owners shouldn’t either, but at least I understand they have a bit more riding on the company’s success/failure)

  62. Observer*

    Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

    THAT is what Amanda really needs to hear. And while you should not try to tell her this, it’s important that you keep in mind that that’s the situation here. She acted like a petulant idiot and is now reaping the results of that.

    As for you your new mantra should be “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. Amanda is not your problem anymore.

  63. We're BtWBH*

    I gave my company 4 months (that’s right, months, not weeks) notice as I was leaving to have a baby and not planning to come back after the 6 weeks non-paid leave they were offering. They never thought about replacing me even though I kept reminding them and obviously was getting bigger and bigger in my pregnancy. When I finally left, they accused me of leaving suddenly.

    1. CommanderBanana*

      Seriously, stuff like this makes me wonder what the ever-loving fluffernutter is wrong with some managers.

      1. Boof*

        There are a few times when openly laughing in a bosses face might be appropriate, and I think this is one of them!

  64. Juicy Dirt or Dirty Juice - You Decide*

    The only time I hope LW ever thinks about this horrible boss/job (that they’ve just blissfully escaped) again is in six months, when LW discreetly, without talking to Amanda, checks in to see just how badly the old company has crashed and burned in their absence. And provides us in the commentariat a delicious, salacious update. :)

  65. Kristin*

    Oh, OP – I understand. One day I had a panic attack at this workplace I had worked at for six years because of a correctable mistake (I was not allowed to make mistakes, ever! It made my supervisor upset! etc.) and MY fiance said, “If you need to quit, I’ll support you.” I gave 5 weeks notice.
    My workplace spent that 5 weeks questioning my hiring because they did not want to pay out the vacation I had accrued that my supervisor would not let me take. They grilled on whether or not I had been given a typing test (yes), whether HR had done a background check (yes!), etc., etc., implying I needed to pay back everything I’d EARNED until I burst into tears in front of the Accounting head, who apparently raised Hades and it ended up with the attorney screaming at the deputy director that I was going to sue (and would have a case) if she didn’t knock this crap off. Oh, and they had a brilliant idea, once they accepted I was leaving, of having a different intern come in each day to do my job!
    I received multiple apologies and was paid my vacation and LEFT.
    Your supervisor is being selfish and irresponsible. She should never have placed such a burden on you and made you think it was your fault! It’s her poor management that led to this situation. You put up with way too much for too long!

    1. Goldenrod*

      “until I burst into tears in front of the Accounting head, who apparently raised Hades and it ended up with the attorney screaming at the deputy director that I was going to sue (and would have a case) if she didn’t knock this crap off.”

      God bless this person!!

      1. Dawn*

        Right?! I think the law says something like “even if you literally did not hire someone you still have to pay them for any work they do for you” because it’s one of the few places US workplace law is actually really solid.

  66. radish*

    Honestly OP, I think your sense of norm has been warped by what is almost certainly an awful person. You clearly have a sense of personal responsibility, but it was taken advantage of. I would suggest working on establishing boundaries and saying no. You shouldn’t feel bad, you were more than generous to this person, but nothing would be enough for her. She doesn’t care about you. You need to care about you, leave this whole experience in the past, say good riddance, and hopefully experience a normal and healthy workplace.

  67. el l*

    This person has made you feel more responsible for the well being of the business than she does.

    Her high turnover rate, petulant behavior, and going back and forth actually proves that.

    Good on you for getting out before this behavior and this place truly become part of you.

  68. A Person*

    Sorry if this is already in the backscroll, and it’s mostly echoing Alison, but it’s so important I want to say it again:

    As a manager, I *do not* want to know you’re thinking about leaving. I don’t want to have a bias against you, I don’t want to accidentally change my behavior in a way that makes you more likely to leave, I don’t want to start planning or making assumptions that turn out to be wrong because you change your mind or find your groove or whatever.

  69. Tangerina Warbleworth*

    OP, you have a remarkably level head and a great work ethic. While I understand second-guessing yourself, ultimately, it’s a waste of your valuable time. As everyone including Alison is saying, you did everything right. You worked for a boss who is a complete and utter baby. You’re out of it now — go you! — so you can look at this now as part of your work and life experience. If you could handle Amanda, then you’ve got serious skills. You can totally handle whatever work throws at you.

    You survived a total mess of a boss! You rock!

  70. Yes And*

    If you want to smooth things over with Amanda, you might try complimenting her on her lovely bananapants.

  71. Meicho Shimbun*

    A less charitable but still very fair title/subject line for this post might be, “My boss is upset that I made every attempt to quit with ample notice and took her at her word when she repeatedly declined.”

  72. AVB*

    Amanda has entered her FAFO era.

    This is 100% on her, 0% on you OP.

    Go forth to your new job with your conscience clear.

  73. sauft krank*

    You can’t be more invested in her business than she is. I mean really, she sounds like a treat, but even if she were the most wonderful person in the world to work for, it sounds like she doesn’t have enough of herself invested in her business.
    If she doesn’t find a way to solve the problem of you leaving, and there being no once else, that’s on her.
    Congrats on the new job.

  74. your genderqueer dad*

    I love when I get to see a strong Worst Boss of the Year contender on the day it gets published.

  75. ijustworkhere*

    This is often the challenge in micro-businesses (LW says she is the only employee.) After a couple of stints in organizations like this one, I told myself I would never again be the employee of last resort because you wind up dealing with this kind of crap. I now work in a 1000+ organization, and I am neither the employee of last resort nor the only keeper of important institutional knowledge.

    I would never go back to working in a small shop.

  76. Ann Nonymous*

    I am just now girding my loins to put in my notice at a job where I’m the only (PT, remote) employee. My boss is going to be upset and screwed, but it’s because of her underpaying me and adding on additional, unnecessary and time-sucking admin to my actual job that I’m leaving. I am trying to formulate the right words to give notice and it will be interesting to see her response. I want to leave on good terms because she’s both a good person, appreciate of me and we overlap socially in one group. Give me strength.

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