coworkers only ask me about ducks, sending flowers on someone’s first day of work, and more

by Alison Green on October 1, 2024

I’m off for a few days. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.

1. People only ask me about the ducks I work with

I’m in the lower-middle level of food service establishment with a couple hundred employees. Last year, I started a side project where I got us a small flock of ducks for fresh eggs and general merriment.

Ever since, folks only ask me about the ducks. I have brief interactions with at least a dozen people a day and 90% of the conversations start with, or completely consist of, “how are the ducks?”

The ducks are darling and entertaining and I love working with them, but they are a small part of my job and not the only interesting thing about my role or personality. I’m getting increasingly cranky and desperate for more diverse conversations. The ducks are always fine. If anything big happened with them, I’d let folks know. They are literally out the back door and anybody could go look at them if they wanted.

Is there any way I can get out of having this same insubstantial conversation 10 times a day for the foreseeable future? Especially since any one person probably won’t ask me about them more than twice a week, so it seems unreasonable to ask an individual to stop? I want to be friendly and gracious but seriously enough with the ducks for one second.

I feel guilty because I really want to ask you for a picture of the ducks.

This is going to be tough because lots of people are going to find it amazing to have ducks at work, and they are going to think of it every time they see you and feel jealous that you work with the ducks and will want to ask about it. It’s easily the biggest conversation starter that people who don’t know you well will remember. (In fact, I bet that the people who know you really well / work with you most closely don’t do this nearly as much, right?) They’re also probably not accounting for the fact that everyone else is asking about the same thing all day long.

You could put up a sign that says, “The ducks are great! They are right out that door if you want to see them” with an arrow and a picture of the ducks … and that will probably cut down on some of the inquiries, although not all.

You could also cheerfully respond to inquiries with, “Everyone asks me about the ducks!” As long as you say it cheerfully and not resentfully, that’s a polite way to nudge more perceptive people into realizing that it’s probably too much.

But that might be the best you can do, unfortunately. You have ducks at work! It’s going to be a thing. (Although it will probably become less of a thing in time, when the novelty has worn off a little.)

Read an update to this letter here (it includes videos of the ducks!).

– 2019

2. Sending flowers on someone’s first day of work

I work at a smaller organization, and Sansa, who manages our 10-person junior staff, is leaving after working here for the better part of the last decade. She’ll be sorely missed, and the head of the organization has indicated plans to do some kind of sendoff for Sansa. Today a fellow junior staffer named Arya emailed the junior staff saying that she wants to send a flower arrangement to Sansa’s new office on the first day of her new job “instead of a parting gift.” Arya specified that each junior staffer might consider contributing $5-10, but that no one should feel pressured to contribute. Everyone else is on board with the idea.

What do you think of this? If it were me, I wouldn’t really want old coworkers sending me flowers at my new office on Day 1. I’d be nervous about meeting new people, setting the right tone, and getting set up at a new organization. I think I’d be self-conscious if a big flower arrangement from my old coworkers showed up at my desk on my first day. I also just think it would be nicer to give Sansa a gift in person when we’re still in the office together, since realistically many of us probably won’t see her again after she leaves.

If it matters, Sansa is a pretty senior-level woman. I think part of my knee-jerk unease might come from being an early-career woman in a field dominated by older men, and getting flowers at my desk on day 1 feels a bit at odds with the professional image I’d want to project during my first impression. I’m probably overthinking this though. I plan to pitch in and join the gift because it doesn’t seem worth objecting to, but I wanted to know if you have any thoughts about this gift idea.

Yeah, it’s a really nice thought, but a lot of people wouldn’t want flowers on day 1.

For one thing, some people don’t even have a desk on day 1! They’re in training, or moving from one orientation meeting to another, and may not have anywhere to put a vase of flowers. And you really don’t want the distraction on your first day of trying to figure out what to do with a big bouquet.

For another, assuming you do have a desk to put them on, you’re going to get a lot of “flowers already?” comments and will have to explain they’re from your old coworkers, and that’s sweet but also maybe a little odd, and you’d probably rather be focused on other things. It’s also … pulling you back to your old job mentally, at exactly the moment when you want to be focused on the new one.

That said, some people would love and appreciate it! It depends on the person, but it’s the kind of thing where you need to know them well enough to be sure they’d be into it. In this situation, where Arya is junior and Sansa is senior, I don’t think Arya can know, and so a gift in person before Sansa leaves is a better idea.

Read an update to this letter here.

– 2019

3. Is sex a bad example in a work presentation?

I sometimes present internal “an intro to statistics” seminars at my company. Previously I have based the seminar on the fact that men say they have sex with women much more often than woman say they have sex with men, which is by far the clearest example I have of many obvious and not-so-obvious statistical issues.

No clients attend and the seminars were well received, but I am now less young (and I have read your blog more) and I think this was a bad idea. My question is how bad? Can I never mention the example at all?

Yeah, I’d steer clear of that example (unless, of course, it’s directly relevant to the organization’s work, in which case that’s entirely different). It wasn’t the worst thing in the world and you don’t need to feel mortified or anything like that, but using an example about sex in a work context risks (a) coming across as gratuitous — like you had other good examples but chose this one because Sex! or (b) making people a little uncomfortable. We’re all adults and know people have sex, obviously, but it can feel a little jarring to have it come up in a work presentation. (Plus if you have anyone creepy there, they’ll be all too happy to use it as a lead-in for inappropriate remarks to others, either in the moment or later.)

Read an update to this letter here.

– 2019

4. My coworker puts dirty tissues in my trash

My coworker often pops into my office to talk about work or whatever. I don’t mind the short conversations, but she has a habit of wiping her nose in my office and throwing out the dirty tissue in my wastebasket. I have tried to move the wastebasket, but that doesn’t seem to work. What should I say?

I am confused by this question and now wondering if I’m a filthy person and didn’t realize it. I would think the trashcan is the precise spot where she should be putting her dirty tissues. I get that it’s your trashcan and not hers, but it’s … for trash. There’s not really anything to say or do here, because she’s not doing anything inappropriate.

If you’re just really squeamish and it’s killing you, I suppose you could say, “Hey, I’m pretty germophobic and I know this might sound silly, but would you mind not throwing your tissues in my trash can?” … but be aware that it’s going to come across as a strange thing about you, not about her (which is why the language there conveys that you realize that).

– 2018

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{ 220 comments }

{ 220 comments… read them below }

  1. Person from the Resume*

    I with Alison here. I am so baffled by Q4. They throw the tissue in the nearest trash can. And what’s the problem?

    1. The Prettiest Curse*

      Also, would this OP just prefer it if their colleague let their nose drip all over the place? Because that’s probably less hygienic than wiping your nose and then throwing the tissue away.

    2. Annie*

      I also have a colleague like this! The trash can just outside his cubicle is *his trash can*, and woe betide the fool who drops trash in it.

      (To be fair: I would be a little salty if I had to smell the remnants of someone’s breakfast burrito all day; asking folks to keep food-adjacent trash in the kitchen/break room trash can seems perfectly reasonable to me. But tissues? Yikes.)

      1. Cat Tree*

        Yeah, smelly trash is different (thinking of empty yogurt cups). But if a used tissue is smelly, there’s a bigger issue here than whose trash can it is.

        1. Coffee Protein Drink*

          Banana peels are what get me. The smell makes me gag and I have asked neighbors to please toss those in the kitchen.

          If the used tissues are smelly, then someone needs to send the coworker to a doctor, stat.

          1. The OG Sleepless*

            OMG that’s so funny! I also hate the smell of banana peels. I like bananas just fine and I kind of like the smell of intact bananas, but as soon as that peel comes off, it’s game over. There is a trash can next to my workstation in our common work area and my coworkers know not to throw banana peels in it…it’s an ongoing (good-natured) joke. I have literally never met anybody with this quirk.

            1. Anti-banana peel society*

              I also hate the smell of banana peels! I would be upset if someone threw them away anywhere near me.

            2. Sweet Fancy Pancakes*

              Me too! I usually throw them away in the big can outside or put them in something airtight so I can take them home and toss them in the compost. I can’t stand the smell of them in my garbage can!

      2. Hannah Lee*

        In my first full time job, in an admin role, my boss habitually threw his banana peels in my trash.

        Like, every day we were in the office, at the same time every day, he would have a banana for a snack. And just about every.single.day, when he was halfway through eating this banana, he would have some reason to come into my office to talk to me …eating the banana the entire time. And the conversation would always last long enough for him to finish the banana and throw the peel in my trash bin.

        He was a smart guy who I’m sure thought he was pulling a super secret fast one. He likely figured I, just a ‘girl’, who had only a degree in biology not hard science, not the advanced MIT degrees in math and CS he had, would never catch on. I doubt he realized it was super obvious and only made him come across like a self-deluding childish idiot a bit too up in his own self-regard wasting his time strategizing about office trash. (or it was just some weird power play which … doesn’t make him look better)

        I was in my early-career self-limiting “I alone know how to work well with dysfunctional, difficult bosses; it’s my superpower” phase as a result of bad childhood experiences with authority figures. So I put up with way too much nonsense back then that I should of bounced on or at least pushed back, like this.

        But this? I used tissue? I really don’t see the problem.

    3. Falling Diphthong*

      From the header I expected this to be someone who blew their nose elsewhere, but ferried the used tissue to OP’s cubicle because they didn’t want the trash in their own cubicle. And I get how that would feel like the coworker views you as adjacent to their special trash.

      But this just sounds like someone with allergies, throwing their used tissues in the nearest trash can.

    4. allathian*

      I guess it depends on who empties the trash. I’ve worked in one small office where employees had to take their trash to the dumpster on Friday afternoons and to wipe down their own desks. This was my first non-retail or food service job and I was just happy that I didn’t have to clean the toilets, too…

      Switching to a job where the cleaners emptied the trash was great, and I even told my then-boss as much when we had our 3-month catch-up.

      1. doreen*

        I don’t get it – I mean , everyone has their quirks and it possible for the letter writer to be bothered even though the co-worker isn’t doing anything wrong. But I don’t get what who emptied the trash has to do with anything.

        1. Great Frogs of Literature*

          If I have to empty my own wastebasket and it’s always full of my coworker’s used tissues, that’s a) closer adjacency to coworker bodily fluids than I may feel comfortable with and b) may mean that I have to empty the trash more frequently.

          But for me personally, it would need to be a LOT of tissues or a very small bin before I’d dream of saying anything about it.

        2. ecnaseener*

          I guess because emptying it requires…looking into it? Touching the bin and therefore coming within a few inches of the contents? I’m not entirely sure, but I guess if LW doesn’t often need tissues (and doesn’t often have any other gross trash), their coworker’s tissues might be the only gross thing in their bin, making the emptying experience more unpleasant? I can sort of understand that, but I do wish LW had given us a hint of what the problem is supposed to be!

      2. Hyaline*

        Then I guess line your trash can with a bag so you can cleverly tie it up and never come close to the tissues? Even if you do have to empty your own trash, this seems like a very silly thing to potentially damage goodwill with a coworker over.

        1. ferrina*

          Also- disposable gloves if you have to empty the trash and don’t want to touch the trash bag.

      3. sb51*

        Yeah, we have to empty our own bins (and are asked not to put food or anything else “wet” in them and we’re not supplied bags; they’re meant for, like, old post-its and dead pens and not much else). I’d be weirded out by someone else putting tissues in mine, although they’d also have difficulty doing so as it’s tucked under my desk and I’d have to stand up and move out of the way for them to reach it.

        1. Bike Walk Barb*

          I was left wondering if something about the position of the trash can made for an awkward encounter. In most offices I’ve worked in the trash can has been under my desk and it would definitely be an invasion of personal space for someone to come around my desk to throw something away. Seems as if they would have included that in the letter though. Ah, these old mysteries!

      4. Observer*

        I’ve worked in one small office where employees had to take their trash to the dumpster on Friday afternoons and to wipe down their own desks.

        Ew. But to be honest, I don’t want to go back to *my* used tissues a couple days later! That’s pretty gross. At minimum, I’d need to have a trash liner in the can and I would absolutely use gloves.

    5. Cei*

      I fine it easy to see why someone might be bothered by it, but it doesn’t follow that the coworker is doing anything wrong or unusual or should have guessed that OP would be annoyed.

    6. Not That Kind of Doctor*

      I worked in a lab with a guy from outside the US who’d clear his throat and spit in the biohazard bag.

      The rest of us were torn, because on the one hand, we felt like maybe we should explain that one doesn’t spit phlegm in public spaces, in case he genuinely didn’t know, but on the other hand, we couldn’t argue that the biohazard bag was an inappropriate receptacle!

      1. ferrina*

        Ew, but also….yeah, can’t argue with the biohazard bag. I have such mixed feelings about this.

      2. Reindeer Hut Hostess*

        “Not That Kind of Doctor” – your screen name reminds me of a story one of my professors told back when I was in college. When he was graduating with his PhD, his mom would brag to all her friends that her son was going to be a doctor, but then she’d follow it up with “Well, not the good kind.” :)

      3. Saberise*

        We once had a post-doc from outside the US that would do the same but spit it in the breakroom sink. What made it worse is we had a metal basket to catch food particles. I had to tell him not cool so he moved to spitting it in the breakroom trash until a VIP saw/heard him do it. (I wasn’t aware of either location until someone told me.)

    7. MicroManagered*

      Even weirder is that this letter is from before Covid! I would have balked at this letter back in 2018 but it seems slightly-more reasonable to me post-pandemic. (Still weird but I know lots of people, including myself, who are more germ-conscious these days as compared to pre-pandemic.)

    8. Polaris*

      ….am I the only one with a built-in trashcan in their cubicle, access to which means you’ve actually reached across my person?

      That’s the circumstances of life under which I’m reading #4.

    9. Grey*

      It’s not about trash. It’s about body fluids. Some people aren’t comfortable knowing there is someone else’s snot sitting next to them. Just the same, I don’t want your used maxi-pad in my personal trash can either – even though those go in the trash.

      1. Lady Danbury*

        Imo, there’s a huge difference between snot and menstrual blood. From a professional standpoint (as opposed to individual germ comfort levels), they’re not even comparable. We’re all allowed to have different comfort levels regarding other people’s germs, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that someone else is acting unprofessionally if they don’t meet your comfort level.

      2. Malarkey01*

        This is going to read as incredibly weird and unreasonable response in an office and you are most likely to be viewed very badly.

        I don’t intend to be unkind but this is ridiculous.

        1. Grey*

          There is a letter here about an employee afraid of balloons. Another from someone afraid of a Halloween decoration. That might also sound ridiculous, but they’re not viewed badly. The general advice is to accommodate them since it hurts no one to not have those things in an office.

          This isn’t much different. You might think I’m weird, but it’s easy enough to use a different trash can. So why not?

          1. Workerbee*

            I don’t have statistics on this, but since this isn’t a scientific thread anyway –

            – Typically, persons who have to discard of used maxi pads or any other period-containing item are NOT doing it out in the workplace in the trash cans of their colleagues.

              1. Observer*

                Analogies need to be somewhat similar to be useful.

                And this is not the only major difference between used (bloody) pads and used (snotty) tissues.

          2. Observer*

            Firstly, those letters are from people who understand that their issues are their own quirks. This comment simply dismisses that.

            Secondly, as discussed exhaustively in the comments on the original letter, it’s actually not all that easy to avoid needing to use someone else’s trash can if you have to be in their office when you have the sniffles for any reason.

          3. MissMeghan*

            If it is an extreme squeamishness to bodily fluids, that’s just as valid as the balloons and the decoration. I think the difference is that there needs to first be a recognition that the other party shouldn’t have been expected to know about this ahead of time, the person with the unique sensitivity should bring it up politely, then others should do what they can to be understanding and work around it. But, your maxi pad example was extreme and I think intended to create an outsized reaction. Maybe you experience equivalent reactions to both but one is a sanitary product with blood that is changed in a bathroom and is not a 1 for 1 comparison.

      3. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

        Maybe you’re a guy and therefore are unlikely to know this? But period blood has natural odors, whereas if your snot smells bad, it’s time to see the doctor because you’ve got a bad infection going on. (Happily, used menstrual pads get thrown away in the room where other smelly things happen.)

    10. HB*

      It read to me that the habit they’re annoyed by is that *every* time the coworker comes to their office, the coworker blows/wipes her nose. I think the attempt to move the bin was more about signaling to the coworker that would be no place to put the used tissue, so if you need to use one, please go to the restroom.

    11. learnedthehardway*

      Does the equation change any post-COVID? I could see someone thinking that people should keep their plague-bearing tissues in their own wastebasket in the wake of the pandemic.

      Mind you, I would think that slightly irrational, and would vastly prefer that anyone with a runny nose keep their nose contained with tissues or a mask.

    12. Achoo*

      Some people don’t know how to ball it up properly, so we see open snot globs in the trash. That would be my issue with the tissue.

    2. General von Klinkerhoffen*

      The city of York recently had a big ceremony to unveil a memorial statue of a popular duck (Long Boi, RIP) which had to be live streamed so his many fans could pay tribute.

      I may have got some of these details wrong but not the substance.

      1. londonedit*

        Not only that, it was broadcast live on the Radio 1 breakfast show (as the presenter, Greg James, was the one who brought Long Boi, may he rest in peace, to fame in the first place).

      2. Beth**

        It was the University of York rather than the city, but yes, a social media duck got his own statue crowd funded by students and it was big news.

        1. bamcheeks*

          I’m a York graduate, waaaayyy before Long Boi, but ducks have always been a huge part of the campus. When I was there it was the era of the French Connection FCUK tops being everywhere, and one of the university colleges produced a Derwent College UK DCUK top, which I still think is genius.

        2. MsSolo (UK)*

          May he have passed on to Ah Good The Sea

          (a niche joke literally only relevant to UoY graduates)

    3. RabbitRabbit*

      I love them and would have been hard-pressed to not just run past the LW and go see them. Why ask when you can just see them right there?!

    5. Never the Twain*

      After 6.5 series and 90-something episodes, I think the only time I really had a fellow-feeling with Tony Soprano was in Episode 1.1 when he bonded with the ducks in his swimming pool.

  3. nnn*

    When I read the blog post title, I didn’t realize that LW1 was affiliated with the ducks, and thought the problem was going to be co-workers only talking to LW about ducks for no particular reason.

    1. RCB*

      I too had lots of questions after just reading the headlines and wondered how in the world ducks became the topic of conversation. As with most things, I should have learned by now that if I just shut up and read further the answer is usually on the way…

    2. I'm just here for the cats!!*

      When the letter first came out I thought that the ducks were a side project at home, not at work. So I was like, why does everyone know you as the duck person?

  4. RCB*

    You don’t realize just how bad your mental health is until you see two duck videos and it feels like you’ve taken a couple hits of the best drugs possible because you are instantly in an insanely better mood now thanks to those ducks! I don’t know how I missed these Duck Tales (Woo-Ooo!) when they were originally published but I am so happy to have caught it now!

    1. nnn*

      This sent me looking up the Duck Tales theme on Youtube, and now I’m down a delightful rabbithole of childhood cartoon themes

        1. ChihuahuanDesert*

          I have no idea if it is easy to locate this video, but there is a video of a dog that loves the duck tales theme song…I’ll be back to link if my search is successful!

          2. ChihuahuanDesert*

            I thought I posted the link in a reply but maybe that’s not allowed or doesn’t work with this web platform. Anyway, google Siberian husky dancing duck takes theme if you want to find it for a smile.

            1. Polly Hedron*

              Alison has to check the links so it takes a while for posts with links to show (especially this week when Alison is off).

            2. Hlao-roo*

              Links have to go through moderation. As long as it’s safe for work and not spam, it’ll probably post eventually.

  5. Tiara Wearing Princess*

    #1 I neeeeed to know how the ducks are. I mean, it’s been 5 years!

    Seriously tho, I have the biggest smile on my face after watching the Duck videos (in update)

    1. Kay*

      I knew I would be in good company here. :-) But really LW1 – I’m only kinda sorry to have to ask this but – how are the ducks? Please update us!

    2. Blackbeard*

      Haha, makes me smile the irony of LW#1 complaining that everybody asks about her ducks all the time, and now everyone here is like “the ducks! We want to see the ducks!” :)

  6. TheBunny*

    Ducks are my favorite animal. I didn’t know I needed a duck video in my day… but I should have known because…ducks.

    Sorry OP. Of I worked with you all I’d ask you about would be the ducks.

    2. Juicebox Hero*

      I can’t raise poultry where I live due to zoning regulations, but I think chickens and ducks are adorable. I totally ask anyone with a flock all about it. What breeds? Where do you get them? Cooped or free range? What do you feed them? If they’ve got anything more exotic, like pea fowl or pheasants, fuggedaboudit.

      Naturally, if the person asked me to stop, or was throwing off vibes that they wished I’d stop, I would. But ducks, man.

  7. Literally a Cat*

    Number 4: I always figured that rubbish bin is where I’d throw my dirty tissues into, now on further thinking, hey 2019 until now was a horrible time and I think others are not unreasonable to want me to keep my own nasal secretions to myself, especially asymptomatic carriers are so common. OP is ahead of their time, I think I will change my own practice here.

    1. Dahlia*

      Are you like… expecting your coworkers to be rooting around in the trash rubbing your tissues on their face? If you’re an asymptomatic carrier, the problem is YOU being in the room, not your tissues that they have no reason to touch.

    2. Mongrel*

      As long as you’re not actively rooting around in the trash can it’s fine, the tissues trap the nasties.

    3. xylocopa*

      But now what will you do? I feel like the alternatives are not blowing or wiping your nose, or carrying the germy used tissue with you until you find your preferred receptacle. Or keeping a little snotty tissue baggie around with you?

      1. Sleve*

        What do you usually do when you need to blow your nose and there isn’t a rubbish bin in the vicinity? Just do that, I guess.

        I wrap the tissue in another tissue and shove it in my pocket for the few minutes it takes until I’m in range of a bin. Or sometimes I just hold it if that’s the best option in context. It’s not making my hand any germier, I was already holding it when I blew my nose. I’m sure there are other options, too.

        1. xylocopa*

          Oh sure, I’ve certainly put used kleenex in my pocket if I needed to. But still–I feel like it’s got to be less contaminating to use the nearest bin than to carry it around any longer than necessary. If someone’s really worried about containing germs, I don’t think moving away from “chuck it in the nearest trash even if it’s your coworker’s” is the best policy?

          1. Sleve*

            Depends on if your policy is ‘Be logical’ or ‘Be willing to mildly inconvenience yourself so as to avoid setting off a co-worker’s irrational phobia/ick’, I guess. There’s no right or wrong in this case. Different people fall at different points on that spectrum.

    4. Hyaline*

      But carting the dirty tissue around longer is arguably worse! Unless someone sticks their hand in their trash can frequently it doesn’t matter who tosses which tissues in there.

  8. Thepuppiesareok*

    Oh man I went back to see the videos of the ducks because, well, ducks. The top comment included ‘happy 2020 everyone.’ If only we’d known…..

    3. Lady Danbury*

      I thought the exact same thing! It felt like a scene in a horror movie when they pan over a quiet town with the sun shining and the nice clean streets, but you know that something terrible is lurking. Happy 2020 indeed…

    4. WellRed*

      Yes especially since she also commented about with all the challenges in the world (her duck problem was minor).

  9. Nodramalama*

    Even reading the original comments for LW4 that for some reason descended into a whole etiquette minefield about whether asking people to take shoes off in a house is unamerican, i still don’t see the problem with using a trash can to throw away trash.

    1. Sarah With an H*

      I’m reminded of of the arguments that pop up on Nextdoor occasionally about whether it’s okay to throw dog poop (in a bag) in someone else’s trash bin if it’s on the curb.

      1. Turquoisecow*

        In my old neighborhood all trash had to be in a big garbage bag and the garbage collectors would pick up the bags and put them in the truck. Loose bags like a single thing of dog poop would probably not be included, and be left behind. So no, it would not be okay.

        In other places I know they have a big machine that does it and everything in the can gets dumped in. But usually trash cans in residential areas (that residents leave on the curb) are not meant to collect random trash passers-by put in there.

        1. Sarah With an H*

          It isn’t automated where I live but the garbage collectors pick up the whole bin and dump them in the truck, so if there are stray bits they just fall in the truck with everything else.

          1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

            Same. My viewpoint is that if the bin is already down to the curb *and hasn’t been emptied yet*, since bins in our neighborhood are picked up wholesale by the robot arm and upended into the truck, setting a doggy waste bag in the top edge of a bin is not an issue.

            But if the bin is up by someone’s house, or if it’s still down the curb but has already been emptied so you’d be throwing a bag of poo into the bottom where it could get smashed or broken in the bin under their week’s trash, definitely tacky and rude, carry your stuff home and put it in your own bin.

      2. Cat Woman*

        I see those all of the time. This question is still better than the one in a well-know “manners” column where the OP wanted to know what to do about guests who drop loose hairs onto their floors…sheesh.

      3. TangerineRose*

        I don’t want someone else’s stinky dog poop making my garbage can smell even more ripe. Plus, what if the garbage has already been picked up, and then I have to keep this for a week? Or what if garbage collection gets cancelled? Either way, don’t put stinky things into other people’s garbage, even if garbage cans are already stiuky.

  10. Alternative Person*

    Hmm. I’m a little torn on LW4, on one hand, a trash can is for trash. On the other, if my co-worker regularly came to my cubicle and ended up wiping their nose and putting the tissue in my trash, I’d be a little weirded out and perhaps worried I was being exposed to a cold or something.

    Maybe they can’t help the runny nose which I get because I get one in certain conditions, but IDK, I’d think it’d be good etiquette to try and wait until the nose flood is over to go by someone’s desk for a chat. I’d also get a bit irritated if they were constantly taking my tissues for it, but the LW doesn’t say either way.

    1. Dahlia*

      If it’s happening that consistently, it’s probably like an allergy thing which don’t really stop.

    2. Chas*

      Yeah, this is one of those things where I don’t think I personally would be bothered if someone came, used a tissue and then threw it away next to me.

      But I also tend to keep my used tissues in my pocket until I can throw them away at home, or in a public bathroom, or maybe a covered bin, rather than throw it away a bin right next to someone else who would then be able to see it all day. So I guess at some level my brain has classed it as a thing that shouldn’t be done?

    3. Sleve*

      If I had a co-worker who specifically developed a runny nose every time they entered my cube I’d be asking them if they thought they might be allergic to my deodorant or my pets or something. I don’t feel like I drench myself in strong scents, but if this blog has taught me anything it’s that that probably makes me the most likely culprit.

      1. Eldritch Office Worker*

        Yes, that’s my response too. If it happens constantly around me, I’m going to first rule myself out as the cause. And then they may tell me they just have seasonal allergies or whatever else might be going on, but at least then no one is spending any more brain power on the subject.

      2. Seeking Second Childhood*

        See, I read it as a co-worker using OP’s trash can instead of their own–like someone pointed up above it makes a huge difference if I have to empty the can or if the company has a cleaning service.

        1. ItsNotReallyYourTrashCan*

          It’s an office trash can, not anyone’s personal property. It’s normal to generate trash and to use trash cans to dispose of that trash.

          1. basically functional*

            Yes, but it generates additional work for me if I am responsible for emptying/cleaning said trash can. I wouldn’t mind if a coworker threw a tissue or two in my trash can, but if they are doing so regularly, it could make the difference between having to empty the trash that day/week or not. It’s not a ton of extra work, but it’s something. It’s even more work if there is no liner in the trash can and it needs to be scrubbed out. So I can see why someone in that specific situation (responsible for own trash can, no liner) would be annoyed by this. Otherwise it is baffling.

    4. londonedit*

      I don’t think I’d be hugely worried about germs, but I do think used tissues are best disposed of either in the bin at your own desk, or in a communal bin. Presumably the co-worker has a bin of their own! I don’t see why they can’t just carry their used tissue back to their own bin, or drop it into a communal bin on the way back to their desk. For some reason it definitely strikes me as impolite to just throw things into someone else’s bin, especially things like tissues. If it was only very occasionally and they asked first, OK, but not every single time and not without asking.

      1. Sneaky Squirrel*

        I’d rather someone throw out a tissue immediately than linger in my office with a snotty tissue in their hand talking to me for a few reasons. I wouldn’t be worried as much about the potential for germs in my trash can because I don’t go digging in my trash, but I certainly would worry about all the things that someone is going to touch with a tissue in their hand while they’re lingering in my office for the next 15 minutes.

        1. Observer*

          I’d rather someone throw out a tissue immediately than linger in my office with a snotty tissue in their hand talking to me for a few reasons.

          Yes!

          The image is grossing me out. And so is the pragmatic issue of what they touch while holding the tissue.

          Also, if you use a tissue and then throw it right out, you probably won’t get anything on your hands, and if you do you will realize it and wipe your hands. But when you hold a tissue, there is a good chance that whatever is in the tissue is going to seep through, but you won’t really feel that. So now, you go throw out the tissue and touch something that someone else will also touch.

          That is *far* more unhygienic than actually using a *trash* can to dispose of your *trash*.

      2. Observer*

        I don’t see why they can’t just carry their used tissue back to their own bin, or drop it into a communal bin on the way back to their desk.

        Because most people do not like holding used tissues, and there simply is no reason to do so when there is a trash can right there.

        Furthermore, if someone needs to use their hands – even if it’s to use another tissue, holding the old tissue is a pain.

        What I simply cannot wrap my head around is the idea that somehow people’s trash cans are highly personal spaces and that tissues are this highly personal item that may Should Not be put into anyone else’s *trash* can.

    5. Observer*

      ut IDK, I’d think it’d be good etiquette to try and wait until the nose flood is over to go by someone’s desk for a chat

      That’s just not realistic or reasonable. Sometimes the nose flood simply doesn’t stop, or doesn’t stop for long enough to not have to use a tissue when going into someone’s office. Sometimes it’s the office that triggers the problem (eg a smell, an irritant, a change of temperature that can trigger someone). The bottom line is that it’s generally not a doable thing.

      As for being exposed to something transmissible, putting the tissue in the waste basket is mot creating a higher exposure. And the idea that people need to not ever be in a shared space whenever they have nasal congestion of any sort is simply not tenable.

  11. Never the Twain*

    I do remember #1, but my mind went first for some reason to another legendary anatine post, and I was picturing new starters on their first day eagerly asking “How do I join the duck club?”

  12. Irish Teacher.*

    While I know it’s way too late to give advice to the LW, I think another example that might work for LW3 is the one about how if you ask a husband and wife (or probably any two people sharing a home) what percentage of the housework they would estimate they do, the sum of both people’s answers will be more than 100%.

    1. Original OP*

      I’m still here and I still enjoy statistics so this might be more answer than you wanted. Yep, that’s a good example for the self reporting/estimation issue and also a situation where definitions may differ. But the original question is also about how easy it is for a survey to miss marginalised groups who might disproportionately affect the results because they’re not inclined to answer a government survey, or because they don’t have a stable living situation at a private address, or they don’t speak English, or they are worried about incriminating themselves, and how you can adjust for all these things.

      1. Czhorat*

        Wow! I didn’t expect an original OP this much later. It’s like the most minor celebrity sighting possible. I’m glad it worked out for you.

      2. Smithy*

        Before I got to the comments, I started thinking of other possible examples such as self-reporting of alcoholic beverages or snacking/calorie consumption in a week. And while both of those might be less salacious in the workplace, I was wondering if perhaps they might both risk being triggering or devolve into other types of distracting/unhelpful conversation.

        That being said, I do wonder if this might be a case where sex or drugs might actually be helpful in the workplace because people are more likely to be retrained in commenting? Almost the general desire to direct conversation to be safe for work would keep chat away from “well in my life, I actually know lots of people who do cocaine/have sex at lunch every day and are high performers”.

        1. anotherfan*

          One of the examples I’ve seen in the teen healthcare field is self-reported risky behavior vs what you think other teens are doing. Teens more often than not say they don’t (drink, take drugs, have unprotected sex etc.) but they vastly overestimate how much their peers are doing those things.

          1. Strive to Excel*

            I think about this regularly. Our state has an ongoing young adult health survey. I’m pretty sure they’re doing the thing where they’re tracking how their original pool of people is doing now, because I think the first time I was selected it was random but they keep coming back every year now. Anyways, it’s about physical health, mental health, and substance use; things like “how easy is it for you to access X” and “how often do you think about Y”, and a lot of it is things that people aren’t eager to self-report. And I am a very risk-averse person, while most of my social circle isn’t.

            I wonder if statisticians have a way of studying errors introduced into their surveys from people who know enough about statistics to be dangerous?

          2. Irish Teacher.*

            I once had a 3rd year student (so 14 or 15 years old) ask me, “Miss, do you think anybody in this class is a virgin?” and given the way it was asked, I don’t think he was trying to be cheeky. I think what he really wanted to know is “do you think I might be the only one who’s a virgin?”

            1. Good Enough For Government Work*

              I just want to say thank you for clarifying the age of the student :) A pet peeve is someone saying ‘third grade’ or something and I have NO IDEA what age they’re referring to, so I appreciate it!

      3. Hlao-roo*

        Thanks for chiming in with more context, all these years later! I can see how it’s tricky to balance “ok for work presentation” topic with “sufficiently sensitive to illustrate why certain groups will under-report/not respond” topic.

      6. Jackalope*

        So if you’re still hanging out today, can you give some more information about how you adjust for those things? Using the initial example or a different example? I’m curious.

      7. Observer*

        <i.But the original question is also about how easy it is for a survey to miss marginalised groups who might disproportionately affect the results because they’re not inclined to answer a government survey, or because they don’t have a stable living situation at a private address, or they don’t speak English, or they are worried about incriminating themselves, and how you can adjust for all these things.

        To be honest, the original example you were using was not the best for that anyway.

        I’d look at statistics on thing like drug use, use of public services, working “under the table”, other types of job related issues, etc.

  13. Knitting Cat Lady*

    #4: Any mentions of tissues and trashcans reminds me of the time the coworker on the desk next to me had a cold, ran out of tissues, and started pawing through his trashcan looking for the least used tissues. I just stared at him in horror, held out my 100 count box of tissues, and wailed “JUST SAY SOMETHING!”

    Guy was a 60ish years old engineer. Boy am I glad he left before the pandemic!

    3. allathian*

      Eeeeeew indeed. Sure, at home I’ll reuse my paper tissues and keep once-used ones in my left front pocket, but I don’t do this at the office, and I certainly don’t go digging in the trash can for tissues…

  14. Melissa*

    I lived in Japan and a coworker complained that someone kept throwing used tea bags into her trash can (it had a bag/liner and everything). I had the same “Am I disgusting!” response. Where else should I throw it? Unfortunately I didn’t ask so I never solved the mystery.

    1. ThatOtherClare*

      Maybe she had a habit of throwing out dry food like stale crackers or sandwich crusts? Dry food can survive a few days in the bin before getting mouldy, but if the teabags were very wet and the trash can didn’t get much airflow, it might have been getting really nasty in there between emptyings.

      If you’re just throwing your teabags on top of post-its and tissues when it’s your own trash can you’re fine by my standards.

    2. metadata minion*

      Is this after having tea together or something? Otherwise it wouldn’t bother me, but I would be kind of confused as to why the person kept putting their used tea bags in *my* trash instead of their own.

    3. Emmy Noether*

      Possible reasons to be miffed at random teabags in one’s trash:

      1) it’s otherwise only paper and could go in the recycling, but the teabags ruin it.

      2) it’s only paper, and she has a habit of fishing out papers she mistakenly threw away too soon, or to take notes on blank backs.

      3) it doesn’t get emptied frequently, and the teabags don’t dry fast enough. Wet teabags can grow some nasty, nasty mold.

      1. Lenora Rose*

        Also I toss my teabags in the trash… MY trash or the lunchroom trash. I cannot think of a single good reason I would toss it in a coworker’s personal trash.

        (I also *know* the cleaner goes through and empties all the bins every evening, as they start on our floor at 4:30 on the dot and I’m usually still packing up to leave.)

    4. iglwif*

      Maybe there was a kitchen garbage for potentially stinky / sticky things?

      Or if the trash can was actually for paper recycling, or if there was a separate receptacle for compostables that the teabags should have gone in, that would explain it … but then you would think the coworker would SAY that.

    5. Happy*

      This strikes me as a Japan thing, since conventions around trash there are very different from most other countries.

  15. Thinking*

    I was surprised the advice to the duck worker didn’t include changing the subject.
    Coworker: How are the ducks?
    LW: Fine. How was your weekend?/Has your daughter had her baby?/Any updates on the Schmidt account?
    Anything to talk about something else.

    2. Arrietty*

      I was thinking LW could answer (in a tone that is clearly light and friendly, rather than snarky and sarcastic) that the ducks have taken up X hobby or recently went to Y interesting place, or completed Z work project, where XYZ are things LW did.

  16. Not your mom*

    Funny, I sit between a C-level person and a very junior person and we sort of share trash cans at the borderlines between our desks. Most of my stuff goes to the trash can on the junior person’s side, because I’m sensitive about how my afternoon snack wrappers will look to the C-level. This is entirely my own drama! I am pretty sure that the C-level guy doesn’t care whether I eat a bag of chips from the kitchen once in a while! But I’m amused by my reaction because I know that people get weird about this stuff. Example: I once had a coworker who, in the ladies’ room, would identify other people by their shoes and then keep track of how long they took to wash their hands – were they actually soaping up or just doing a quick rinse? I have no mental real estate for this kind of thing, but I was fascinated by the fact that she did!

    Stats: here’s one – there’s a stat on dating sites about the number of men who claim to be over 6’ tall vs the number of men in the general population who are over 6’ tall. I believe that average heights for women on dating sites tend to be closer to average. Could be a good replacement for the sex example.

    Also I’d bet there’s some stat about what we tell our doctors vs what we actually do (exercise, alcohol consumption, etc)

    1. Bike Walk Barb*

      I’d use traffic safety research: People who will admit to fiddling with their phones vs the number of people pulled over for distracted driving and other data sources that indicate phone use on the road, percentage of people who say speeding is wrong and also admit to speeding, other disconnects between our interior rosy view of ourselves and external behaviors that place others in danger. That way you’re doing a public service with the data choice in addition to illustrating the specific concepts.

    2. Susannah*

      I think maybe you’re just better off not making it some gender thing – like, oh, men lie about their height, women lie about their weight. It’s just really insulting.

    3. Thinking*

      Being very sensitive to fragrances, I can’t use the soap in most restrooms. I am doing a thorough rinse, and I have also developed a system where I don’t touch any part of my body directly while using the toilet.

  17. Angstrom*

    Sex & statistics: Probably not the best idea unless you really know your audience.
    However…
    I’ve seen this used as an example of the problem with averages, and the difference between information that is true and information that is useful:

    The average human has one testicle.

      1. Eldritch Office Worker*

        Well sorry I should have elaborated – “less than two”, not one.

        But one isn’t accurate in your example for the same reason, it’s “less than one”

        1. ecnaseener*

          1 has to be pretty close to the right answer in Angstrom’s example — the vast majority of humans have either two or zero, with a nearly-even split, so the average is probably just under 1. Unlike with legs, where the vast majority of humans have two, and the average is probably very slightly less than two.

      2. Arrietty*

        I greatly enjoyed observing how many bones I contained when I was pregnant. So many! More than double my usual number!

  18. Bast*

    The ducks are simply replacing the typical small talk, don’t know what to say conversations about how unusually hot/cold/rainy/dry/whatever this season is. You’re just trading one conversation for another.

    1. londonedit*

      Yes, and I think the thing is that people never think about how many others will have made the same joke or started the same conversation. It’s like how really tall people have to hear the same ‘hilarious’ quips all the time, because everyone thinks they’re the only person who’s thought of such a witty remark. To the OP’s colleagues, it’s one ‘Oooh, how are the ducks?’ and they’re on their way, but to the OP it’s eight or nine or ten questions about the ducks every single morning. But no one’s thinking about that, they just want to know about the ducks and they’re just thinking it’ll be a nice way of making small talk.

  19. Czhorat*

    It amuses me that in the update the person with the sex statistic used drugs instead. I want a further update in which they use rock and roll.

    1. Eldritch Office Worker*

      Ha! Yeah all things considered I think sex would make me less concerned than drug usage statistics (as HR) – both can be a can of worms but a) I don’t think drug usage would resonate as hard and b) the topic tends to be more loaded in a lot of things.

      But rock and roll….now I have to wonder if people overreport on average, to look cool.

      1. ecnaseener*

        I actually think the drugs example might be a little more straightforward / less distracting — just personally when I read the sex example my first thought was “what, are we assuming it should be perfectly equal? that only works if everyone only has one sex partner at a time…” and then trying to do the mental math on what would skew the numbers which direction.

    2. bamcheeks*

      “Stats show we have 50% less rock than roll— the surplus was caused by someone bringing cheap-ass rolls.”

    3. Seeking Second Childhood*

      I’ve read that many more people claim to have been at the original Woodstock than possible … would that help?

  20. TissuesAreNormal*

    As someone who sneezes and coughs semi- continuously, what do you want me to do with used tissues? They’re trash, I dispose of them in the nearest trash can. That includes dropping them in the trash cans at the entrance of cubes or next to desks I walk by when such things exist. It’s an office; the trash can isn’t your personal property.

    Now, I haven’t worked in an office at all since the pandemic or regularly for a decade or so (I’ve been most WFH since 2015 or so and hybrid since the 90s), so perhaps etiquette has changed a bit thanks to the pandemic, but if I’m going to be in person I’m going to be sneezing and coughing. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes loudly. Sometimes spasmodically. Sometimes producing a lot of mucus. Sometimes I even need to spit out mucus that doesn’t get propelled all the way out or I start choking on it (if I can I’ll go somewhere more private for this part, but not choking to death is a bigger priority and I have done this into tissues in front of people many times). My concern is having enough tissues to sneeze/cough into. I though getting rid of the used tissues was the easy part.

  21. Juicebox Hero*

    An former neighbor of mine used to throw his excess recycling into my mostly empty bin. Another neighbor once asked me why I let him get away with it. I just said I’d much rather have him throw his stuff in a bin than throw it on the ground, and our recycling is a flat fee so it didn’t cost me anything.

    1. ecnaseener*

      LOL at “get away with it.” The recycling rapscallion, stashing his vile cardboard in our wholesome bins!

    2. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Perfect. My former neighbours had two children. My family traveled a lot.
      My neighbors were welcome to put an overflow bag or 2 into my bins because they’d also move the can to the street on trash day if I was on the road. It kept the house looking lived-in at all times.

    3. Indoor_Kitty*

      People are weird sometimes. On trash days when we can put out recycling, food scraps, and garbage, we’re supposed to put each type of refuse three feet apart, but my neighbour and I are located too close for us to each be able to do that easily. So one day I just tossed my recycling next to hers because she’d spread out enough that I had no room for mine, and a few hours later I saw she’d moved it over to “my” side, between the food scrap and garbage bins. Why? Who the heck knows, but rather than create DRAH-MA over such a petty thing, I now keep my garbage and recycling well away from her side as best I can. I guess I let her get away with THAT. *shrug* Life is too short, IMO.

    4. Andrea*

      A lot of my neighbors are “the rules are for everyone else” types, which means there is a higher-than-usual amount of trash and cans that get tossed out of cars into the woods, which means I collect a lot of trash when I walk the dog in the morning, which means I throw it directly into any trash/recycling bin that I find out by the road. And I have absolutely gotten yelled at for it: “stay away from MY trash can!” People are really weird about their trash cans.

  22. Abigail*

    3: I have another reason for avoiding this example. I’ve heard this stated before but it usually isn’t as a legitimate data point. It is a joke. This joke can cut both ways.

    Insulting the men: they have such fragile egos they have to exaggerate sex.

    Insulting the women: they have a ton of sex but don’t want to talk about it, making they hypocrites.

    The delivery sways the joke towards the men or the women. It can be really tough to nail tone and inflection to keep this neutral, especially at work.

    I don’t think people associate this with a legitimate data point and an illustration of statistics. I think this comes off as 90’s stand up.

    “Have you ever noticed….”

    1. Susannah*

      Here’s a better one: did you know that 64 percent of statistics are just made up by the person telling them, on the spot?

  23. Lady Danbury*

    For LW #4, one way to reduce other people’s tissue trash is to remove the tissues from his/her desk and keep them in a desk drawer for LW’s personal use. I’m assuming the coworker doesn’t come to LW’s desk specifically not get tissues but the need for a tissue arises while talking. In the absence of LW’s tissue box, coworker is more likely to go to the bathroom or back to their own desk for tissues, instead of using LW’s tissues and (reasonably) putting them in LW’s trash can.

    1. WhenYouHaveToSneeze*

      I would be annoyed if there weren’t tissues around, but I would try to remember to bring my own (which I would then throw out in their office) or ask for some or end up sneezing without any (which no one wants and actually is gross) because the idea that I can wait long enough to go somewhere else is weird and not true.

      1. Lady Danbury*

        I’d rather have someone use my tissues (and put them in my trash can, lol) than not use tissues at all. But since LW#4 doesn’t want them to put tissues in their trash can, then their are limited options as to how to address it that would be suboptimal from my perspective.

      2. I should really pick a name*

        Is there an expectation that there would be tissues at your coworker’s desk?

    2. Observer*

      In the absence of LW’s tissue box, coworker is more likely to go to the bathroom or back to their own desk for tissues, instead of using LW’s tissues

      No,I’d ask for a tissue. Because 9 times out of 10, going back to my desk is going to be disruptive. Of course, I also don’t think that any of the people I have every asked for a tissue put it out of the way to keep people from using “their” tissues (that are provided by the office.)

  24. Boss Scaggs*

    I would have also advised not to send flowers to the new employee on their first day, but reading the update sounds like it worked out well

    This letter took me back to the time when 1/2 the LWs seemed to use Cersei or Sansa as their pseudonyms

    1. Drago Cucina*

      When I started a new job it felt wonderful that the new place welcomed me with balloons and flowers.

      If I left on good terms with the co-workers it would give me warm feelings to have that on my first day instead of a going away trinket. They wish me well and want me to succeed.

      I work for a US Fed agency in one of the divisional HQs and here we are all about the warm fuzzies. Maybe because we have to spend so much time telling people they cannot make up rules.

    2. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

      That was an odd time for me (and it may have been when I first started reading here), at least partly because I never watched the show in question! I just figured that someone used the names and everyone else latched onto them.

  25. Alan*

    Re #4, wow, I am really the odd person out here, but if I had a used tissue I’m not going to leave it with another person, even in their trash. I think I’d put it in my own pocket until I got back to my office. Leaving it in their trash feels weird to me.

    2. Observer*

      The idea that putting something into a trash can is “leaving it with someone” is frankly weird to me.

      You’re also assuming that everyone has available pockets. A lot of women’s clothes don’t have pockets. And a lot of pants (men’s and women’s) have pockets that are not much use because of the snug fit – and the last thing I would expect anyone to do is to try to stuff a used tissue into a tight pocket – that thought is pretty gross.

      1. Alan*

        Not at all. I’m saying what I would do. If I didn’t have pockets I would likely look for a public trash can, not one in someone’s office. YMMV.

        1. Observer*

          If I didn’t have pockets I would likely look for a public trash can, not one in someone’s office.

          Why would you expect someone to *look for a trash can* when there is on *right there*?

          Again, it’s being put *in a trash can*. Not in your hand or even on your desk. No one is leaving it “with you”.

          1. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

            Alan isn’t expecting or assuming anything of anyone else. He’s only saying what HE would do in that setting, and he knows he’s unusual. I mean, he starts out with “I am really the odd person out here”.

            He’s not expecting anyone to look for a trashcan. He’s not assuming anyone has pockets. Again: he’s only talking about himself and his own reactions to things, and how he lives his life.

  26. juliebulie*

    I will happily accept flowers from anyone and for any occasion, including my ex-coworkers on my first day at my new workplace. I think the balloons were a bit much though since they tend to rest against the ceiling where they are more visible/distracting to others.

    On the other hand, they don’t know anything about OP2’s office and for all they know, those people might be horribly allergic. I would have considered sending one of those fruit arrangements or a food basket that the new employee can share with coworkers.

    1. londonedit*

      I just think it’s all a bit too much for someone’s first day. You want your first impression when you start a new job to be all about your work and how good you are and how excited you are to join the team. You don’t want to be remembered as ‘the woman who had a giant bunch of flowers and a balloon delivered on her first day’. Send a card, fine, or send flowers to her home address if you must. But I think sending a bunch of flowers and/or balloons to someone’s new office on their first day is really OTT and I’d definitely be embarrassed – aside from Alison’s points about logistics, I’d just be really embarrassed to be a) The New Person and b) The New Person With A Massive Bouquet On Their Desk. Just like the OP with their ducks, you’d be fielding questions about it all day.

      1. carrot cake*

        Fielding questions all day sounds like a great way to meet new co-workers. Besides, many of us would think “Oh, how lovely” and leave it at that.

        I mean, it’s flowers. Just…flowers.

    2. I DK*

      I think in this case it was ok since this was a well-respected colleague starting a C-level position, it shows she made a good impression at her last place of employment. If it were an entry level position it might be too much. And yes, the balloons are OTT!

  27. anonymous ace*

    For #4, even if it’s relevant, it plays into heteronormativity and stereotypes which is extra icky.

    1. VintageLydia*

      Judging on further comments from the original OP above, those stereotypes and and cultural heteronormativity are the point of the example.

  28. H.Regalis*

    If I worked with LW1, I would be going out to visit the ducks probably every day. Maybe it’s the city person in me, or I’m just an animal lover, but seeing animals always brightens my day. I love that the ducks provide fresh eggs for the food too! That sounds awesome. One of my neighbors keeps chickens and sells the extra eggs (and sometimes veg from their garden) from a box on their front step, but I can never get any because as soon as they put anything out, people buy it all!

  29. Gustavo*

    I’m honestly absolutely baffled with LW #4. I have never ever heard of someone upset that a person throws a used tissue in their trash can. Especially at a public workplace where other people are in your office, it’s kind of expected honestly. Now if they left it on your desk, sure, but the trashcan? Sorry, LW needs to let that go.

  30. Manic Pixie HR Girl*

    I am LOL’ing at #2.

    In my case, a few years ago (pre-COVID, in my last job), my mom decided to send me flowers on my birthday. I worked in a building that had pretty strict security and limited deliveries, meaning anything like that, I had to be called to come down to the lobby to pick things up. I also happened to have a pretty meeting-heavy day that day so it resulted in needing to be tracked down so I could go fetch the damn flowers. Fortunately, this was a job I had been at for some time and was well-known and respected, but I was still pretty frustrated by the hoopla.

    I thanked my mother for the flowers as well as the sentiment, but when I told her the story of the 30 min full search to fetch me to collect them, she got the hint to never do that again.

    1. I'm just here for the cats!!*

      why couldn’t someone else get them for you and then just put them in your office or desk?

    2. Sneaky Squirrel*

      Yes, my partner used to send me flowers when I worked in an office and that was sweet but still involved a security guard holding them at the front desk until I could pick them up. In my partner’s company, there’s a lot more security to go through so we agreed that it makes sense for me not to even bother.

  31. Boss Scaggs*

    I get the trash can letter. When I’m walking on my street and it’s trash day, if I see one that’s been emptied but not taken back in yet, I feel a little funny throwing my trash (a wrapper, a tissue, whatever) in that garbage can.

  32. I'm just here for the cats!!*

    Oh the ducks!!! I hope they are having their best duck lives and OP and the ducks are still going strong. I would love an update since this was right December 2019

  33. Ms. Yvonne*

    Just saw that first headline out of my eye – awesome flashback to my jaw on the floor back in the day re the many quacking as they pass one another sex having coworkers wth halp LW. Forgot about that, just the lols I needed today!

  35. Alan*

    For #4, since I would not put my tissue in someone else’s can, I asked my adult office-worker daughter what *she* would do. She says that it’s gross to be using tissues in someone else’s office period. You excuse yourself, do whatever you need to do in the bathroom or your own office, and then come back.

  36. Dawn*

    Well, since the Ducks OP is still updating her cat’s Vimeo, at least we know she’s still doing well!

    No more duck videos, though; I’m guessing 2020 might have hit them hard.

  37. Yes And*

    Q1 reminds me of the Shel Silverstein poem “What’s In the Sack?” in which a guy carrying around an enormous sack lists all of the things he wishes people would ask him besides “What’s in the sack?”

  38. Susannah*

    The problem with the sex question is not that it’s about sex. It’s that it advances a really offensive trope that oh, all men just brag about women they “scored” with (or on) and women! They’re so embarrassed by sex or ashamed of it, they lie and say they’ve had few partners!

    Honestly… I don’t know any man or woman in my sphere who fits that really dated stereotype. Then again, I don’t know anyone who would ask about someone’s sexual partners.

  40. bunniferous*

    Regarding sending flowers to a new workplace-I now work at a florist (semi retired, keeps me occupied) and my recommendation is wait a couple of weeks and let them settle in. I just took an order this week for this exact scenario and this is how they handled it.

  41. coin_operated*

    Okay, I’m in the opposite view for Q4. I don’t like it when co-workers put their trash in my bins in my office. I often have co-workers coming INTO my office specifically to put trash in them, even when there are bins RIGHT OUT SIDE.

    Also, my bins are right underneath my desk, you had to get pretty close to me to access them. I recently rearranged my office so that the bins are just not available anymore and that stopped it.

  42. Head Sheep Counter*

    For #4 I’m in the camp that the occasional disposal of odd things in personal waste bits… as long as its not smelly is fine… but regular disposal would bother me a lot. Also… having a sniffly runny nose person blowing at me regularly would make me really upset (hello COVID). I get that if its a regular thing its probably allergies… but the sound is beyond gross and the we aren’t 3 year olds who are a constant sticky mess.

    1. metadata minion*

      What are you supposed to do if you have a constantly runny nose? This isn’t generally a thing people are doing for fun.

  43. Trashcan!*

    I 100% understand LW4. I’m picturing an empty (or nearly empty) small, open trashcan in a private office – I think it would feel like an invasion of personal space almost to have someone’s tissues in that and have to stare at it all day.

    still don’t think you can do anything tho

    1. Dahlia*

      Invasion of personal space? It’s a trash can. It’s not your personal space.

      That’s strange.

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