Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. A terrible student worker asked me for a reference

I have received a reference request from another university for one of our former work studies. I had told this student that I was not hiring her back because she wasn’t reliable. She would cancel her shifts at the last minute, not making an effort to find a replacement. We had a list of duties that they are responsible to do during their working hours, and then they are free to work on school work. She wouldn’t do anything unless I told her to. She had good attendance the first year I had her, but wasn’t motivated and had to be reminded constantly. The last semester she worked, she was terrible.

She turned around and used me for a reference where the employer sends you a form asking you to fill out an online form. I have completely ignored both emails because I cannot give her a good reference. I’m stumped by the fact that she thought I would be a good reference, and I was never contacted by her asking to be a reference.

How do other supervisors handle reference checks for employees that you’ll never rehire, etc.? I’m in shock that she thought I would give her a good reference after the talk I gave her. Do students feel that as an university employee that she’s obligated to be given a good or marginal reference?

You have a few options: continue to ignore the reference requests (which sends its own kind of message, although it’s at least somewhat open to interpretation), fill out the reference request honestly (that’s certainly what the employer sending it is hoping you’ll do), or reach out to the past employee and explain to her that you’re not able to serve as a reference for her (and why) and suggest she find someone else.

At a minimum, I would do the last one because it’ll be useful for her to hear that her actions have consequences (and it’s a kindness to let her know not to try to use you as a reference in the future). I think there’s also real value in providing honest references, so that’s something to consider too — although with work-study jobs, it’s possible that the school doesn’t want you actually torpedoing students’ chances of finding work, so that may not be the right option here (in other contexts, though, that caution wouldn’t apply).

As for why people list references from jobs where they didn’t exactly shine … some of it — maybe most of it — is simple naivete. And some of it is obliviousness, in that they don’t realize just how crappy their performance was. (In fact, one question to ask yourself is how direct you were with her about your concerns with her work. Did you tell her clearly and directly that you had serious problems with her work? If not, she may not even realize it.)

2. My coworkers send social texts throughout the night

My boss and coworkers send large, ongoing group texts several nights a week. Often, it starts with an innocuous update like “I’ll be late tomorrow because of X, thanks for your support!” but it keeps going for hours. The constant updates are driving me crazy, because I expect that if I get a text from my boss or coworkers, it’s about something urgent, and everything else can wait until the morning. Often boss and coworkers are texting each other back and forth on this group text until 10 p.m. (when my husband and I are in bed!), and I don’t know how to respond to it. I usually send one text back to let them know I received the message and then completely ignore the rest of them, but honestly I’d prefer not to answer at all unless it’s an emergency. By the time these texts start, I’ve already driven my commute, decompressed from work, and am trying to detach from the day, and these texts do not help with that process!

How should I handle this? I don’t want to come across as a party-pooper or non-social (I’ve very social during work hours with my coworkers when time allows for it), but is there a nice way to say “sorry guys, I appreciate the sentiments but I just saw you all day and I need a break”?

Some phones will let you mute the whole conversation; I’d make that your go-to strategy if your phone has that functionality. But you could also say, “Hey, I’m finding that getting texts throughout the evening is making it hard to disconnect from work and some are coming in after I’m already in bed. Can we try to pull back on them, or at least not send them to the whole group?” The fact that you’re very social during the day means you don’t have to worry as much about this coming across as chilly (not that it should regardless, but in reality it otherwise could).

3. Religious headscarfs in job interviews

I cover my hair for religious reasons, either with a scarf or a hat, usually coordinated with my outfit. I began doing this after I got married and was already employed. Now I’m job hunting, and this will be my first time interviewing with a headcovering. Should I wear a headscarf, since that looks more overtly religious? Should it be black, or can it be another color or a pattern? I know the goal of getting dressed for interviews is to not stand out, but it feels kind of unavoidable. I don’t need to address it with the interviewer, right?

You definitely don’t need to address it with the interviewer, and I don’t think you need to change the type of scarfs you’re wearing to black or other neutrals if you don’t want to. (The photo you sent me along in this email had one that was brightly colored but looked great.)

I’d stick with scarfs over hats, though, as people are more likely to recognize them as a religious head covering (whereas a hat may appear to just be a fashion choice, which normally wouldn’t be a thing you’d do for an interview).

4. Interviewing right after dental surgery

Thanks to your amazing advice, I have two in-person interviews this week. Yay! Unfortunately, I had periodontal surgery late last week. As a result, I have black stitches in my gums, and when I smile, it looks like I have spinach in my teeth. I also am talking a little weirdly, and my cheek is slightly swollen and looks bruised.

I asked my friend and my mom for their honest assessment – are the stitches noticeable? They confirmed that it looks like I have spinach or kale in my teeth.

There’s no way that I can change my interview dates, so I’m wondering if I should say something to my interviewers? If so, what should I say? I don’t want them to think I’m a mess!

Yes! Just say “I’m so sorry, I just had dental surgery and there are some unpleasant-looking black stitches in my gums right now. Terrible timing!” They’ll understand, and that will much better than letting them just wonder what on earth is going on in your mouth.

5. We’re required to submit time sheets before the end of the pay period

My current workplace has really odd practices around submitting time sheets, and I don’t think they are legal.

I am required to submit my timesheet at noon every Thursday for the pay period ending on the following Sunday. Part of my work requires me to respond to state governments during their legislative sessions—this means my schedule can be all over the place, no matter how well I plan or manage my time. To correct the timesheet, I have to submit a revised timesheet the following Monday at 9 a.m. This spring, I had to do this almost every week.

After submitting corrections every week for several weeks, my HR director told me I could just add the additional hours worked to the time sheet for the following pay period. Obviously this has impact on overtime pay.

This week, I was informed by my direct supervisor that the HR director had him correct my timesheet for the previous week because I recored arriving at 9 a.m. on two days that I actually arrived at 9:30 a.m. I recorded my time this way so I could add hours I worked the previous week without saying I worked so many hours in any one day that I had to clock out for a second lunch. Is any of this actually legal?

They can have you do your time sheets however they want (including having you submit revisions a few days later or even making you submit it at precisely 1:02 a.m. every Wednesday) as long as your actual pay for that pay period reflects the number of hours you worked in that pay period, including any overtime. That’s the part that the law cares about.

That means that they cannot have you move hours to the next pay period if they results in your check for this pay period being lower. (This all assumes that you’re non-exempt. If you’re exempt, paying you overtime is optional and thus they can do it however they want.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My interviewers all burst out laughing after I left the room

Last week, I interviewed for a position that would provide me some great experience right after I graduate. The position is not permanent, but would tide me over for a while as I search for a more permanent position. I was very excited to interview and practiced answering questions, as well as preparing questions of my own to ask as you advise. I thought I did well in answering all the questions, and was honest about the areas in which I had some, but not a great deal of experience.

As I left the interview room and closed the door, I overheard one of the interview panel members say something I could not make out and then heard everyone else in the room laugh. I think the people in the interview room thought that once the door was closed, the room was soundproof. I have no idea if the remark and laughter were directed at me, but I am wondering if this is a red flag. I am considering pulling my application as this may be an indication that these people found me ridiculous. Even if I was hired, I now feel uncomfortable with the notion of being around these people. Am I being overly sensitive? Should I let this go and see what happens?

Yes, you should let it go. Absent some specific reason to believe that they were laughing at you, it’s far more likely that they were laughing at something that had nothing to do with you. Someone could have commented on a funny text they just received, or pointed out that they’d accidentally worn mismatched shoes that day, or all sorts of other things.

A roomful of people isn’t likely to burst out laughing at a candidate who just left, unless the candidate did something truly outlandish (like pooping-in-the-potted-plant level of outrageousness, not jut not interviewing well). And inexperienced candidates in particular generally get cut a lot of slack and are the group least likely to provoke an instant post-interview group laugh. Really, the most likely scenario is that the laugh wasn’t about you at all!

2. How do I ask for a different desk chair?

I spent several months earlier this year with a debilitating injury, sciatic nerve pain from a herniated disk. I was working from home part-time, and spent a lot of my work days lying on the couch covered in ice packs. After months of physical therapy, I am doing much better but it is not an experience I ever want to repeat.

I just started a new job that is a full-time office job. Today is my second day. I know already that the chairs they give everyone here will not work for me—they’re not uncomfortable for the average person, but it is not possible for me to sit in them with good posture. I need a different chair because if I keep sitting in the one I have, there is a good chance I’ll be injured again.

What do I do? Is this a situation where the company should be paying for a chair? Will it be considered high-maintenance for me to ask for this on my second day? Should I talk to my boss or to HR? Or should I be buying my own chair, which may cost hundreds of dollars? I may also want a trackball mouse and wrist cushions. And for the chair I should probably go to my physical therapist again to figure out what kind I need so I don’t end up ordering a new chair that’s just as bad—who pays for that?

I feel silly being so worked up about this, but I’m actually really scared that they’ll deny my request, that I’ll get injured again. Can you help me figure out how to have this conversation?

In most cases, reasonable companies will get you the chair you need. Go to your manager and say this: “I’m finding that my desk chair is aggravating the pain from a recent herniated disk. I’m going to talk to my physical therapist to see what she recommends, but once I know that, is it possible for me to get a different type of chair and possibly wrist cushions?”

The physical therapy appointment is something that you’ll pay for yourself though, since it’s not an injury that you got at work.

3. I can’t afford my coworkers’ lunch invitations

My colleagues invite me to lunch several times each week. I attempt to make excuses by mentioning I have a heavy workload or that I’ve already packed a lunch, but the fact is that I just don’t have the money to go out for lunch. I’m very budget-savvy and I pay attention to every penny, so it’s not as though I’m a careless spender– I just quite literally do not have the money, especially for spontaneous events. We work in a fairly upscale part of town, so even when I do have some extra cash, I can’t really afford anything within walking distance.

I really love my job and my colleagues and I don’t want to appear antisocial. I also understand that my coworkers significantly more money than I do, so they may not realize that money is more of an object for me (I am fine working at the “bottom of the totem pole” since it provides experience that directly correlates to the skills I’m learning in my master’s program). My colleagues really seem to like me and I don’t want them to think the feeling is not reciprocal. I also don’t want them to become less comfortable working with me. How do I politely say “no” to these friendly lunch requests?

“My budget usually only allows for packed lunches from home, but if you ever get takeout and bring it back, I’d love to eat with you.”

Most people remember being on a tight salary at the start of their careers and will get it once you explain it.

If you can, though, look for other ways to make overtures — for example, if you usually eat your lunch in the park next to your office, you could invite someone to join you there. Or if you occasionally splurge on a takeout coffee or a cookie from the bakery downstairs or whatever, invite someone to go with you. That stuff isn’t strictly necessary, but if it’s an option, it’ll help reinforce that you want to be friendly.

4. Should working in a sex shop go on my resume?

I am an undergrad student doing a degree that will hopefully lead me to a job in the government as an analyst. I’ve always worked through school and have taken on student debt which barely allows me to pay bills in an expensive city. My parents can’t help me out for school so I am on my own. I was downsized from my old job and looked for months to find work, depleted my savings, and was actually worried about starving or becoming homeless.

I eventually found a retail job in a store that specializes in selling equipment to help people enhance their sex lives. The store is clean, feminist, a great safe space for our LGTB community and not at all sleazy. Most importantly, I am good at sales and it pays my bills because of the good commissions. I’m worried, however, that as I finish my degree and apply for government jobs, I am going to have trouble explaining this on my resume, or that people will see it an ignore me entirely. I have tried to find other work but to no avail (I applied for a job as a cashier and I was told that 600 people applied for the position).

Do I keep this off my resume and just say that I was focusing on school? Do I use a euphemism? What should I do when I am ready to enter the professional world?

I originally asked this letter-writer if the store name makes it obvious what it sells (it does), and whether the store might have a corporate name that’s more opaque, possibly for the purpose of being vague on customers’ credit card receipts, but it doesn’t.

Given that, I’d just go ahead and own it. Put it on your resume and be very specific about the work you do there — play up the customer service aspects of the work and anything else that would be transferable to other types of jobs. Make it clear that it’s respectable, customer-service-oriented work.

There’s also some good advice in the comments on this post (on a similar question).

5. Company I used to freelance for refused to consider me for a new job

I freelanced at a creative services company a few years ago. I thought it was a great experience. They retained me for six months, and I had no issues while there.

Recently, an outside recruiter called me about a full-time opening at that company. I said I was very interested in working with them again, so he submitted my name to the hiring manager. When he got the hiring manager’s response, he forwarded it to me. I was shocked. It simply said “Sally has freelanced with us in the past. It’s a NO on her.”

This cannot be a case of not being qualified; the job listing sounded like a perfect match for my skills. It seems clear that this company had some kind of problem with me. My question is, should I reach out to the hiring manager and ask for some elucidation? (The recruiter was not willing to ask for more info.) It is killing me to think that perhaps I did something to flag myself as a poor employee, but obviously had no idea.

No, don’t contact the hiring manager and ask why. The reason could be an awkward one (such as that she thinks your work is okay but not great, she just didn’t like you, or you didn’t get along with people there), or it could be that there’s something else off about the fit that you don’t realize (your strengths are more X, and they’re looking for something more Y — which wouldn’t mean that you were a bad employee, just that you’re not the right fit for this particular role). It could even be that normally you’d be a solid candidate, but they have two unusually stellar candidates in the mix, and they only want to talk to additional people if they’re competitive with those two.

Who knows — but it’s her prerogative to pass, and she probably wouldn’t appreciate knowing that the recruiter passed her message to him straight along to you.