Ask a Manager

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Should I give my new boss a gift as thanks for hiring me?

I got a job and start last Monday. My boss wasn’t here for the first week, but he will be in next Monday. I learned a lot already and understand how my team works.

I got interviewed by the team, including my boss. It was three of us being interviewed and I got it. They all discussed it and my boss obviously has the final say. So I feel honored and grateful for this opportunity. The gift I want to give him is a knight with both hands out holding a pen. So it’s a little fancy pen holder. Think it’s too far or weird?

Nooooo, do not do that. Your boss didn’t hire you as a favor; he hired you because he thought you were the best person for the job. A gift will be weird. Do not do it.

I know it’s easy to feel gratitude when you’re hired, but it’s really not a gratitude situation; this is a two-way business arrangement. The mental positioning you want is this: You’re excited to be there and happy for the opportunity, but you’re bringing at least as much value as the paycheck they’re giving you in exchange for that.

(Plus you don’t really know your new boss at this point and can’t judge if he’d like the gift or not. Maybe he had a terrible experience with a knight once. The point is, you don’t know him well enough for gift-giving.)

2. Is it okay that I get my own hotel room while my male coworkers have to share?

I’m a woman on a team of mostly men. When we travel, the men often have to share a room while I get my own (if there was another woman, I assume we would share, but that hasn’t come up yet). On the one hand, I think sharing a room with a coworker is a bit strange regardless of gender, and I treasure the alone time to recharge. But I also think it probably wouldn’t be that big of a deal. We work long days and don’t spend much time at the hotel. Also, I feel like I’m getting special treatment due to my gender, and I don’t want my coworkers to resent me.

I had initially told my work I would prefer not to, but should I offer to start sharing rooms with the men? My company would be glad to save the hotel money. What if it turns out to make me more uncomfortable than I expect; will it be strange to change my mind again?

Don’t offer to share rooms with the men. It’s 100% normal to not mix sexes in hotel rooms during business travel. We can debate whether or not that makes sense, but it’s unquestionably the norm. Your male coworkers almost certainly know this and don’t expect to share a room with you. You’re not getting special treatment because you’re a woman; if there were other women on staff, you’d be sharing a room, but right now there aren’t. I promise you that no one thinks that you’re selfish for not offering to share with the men.

Sharing hotel rooms sucks. Enjoy that for right now, circumstance has put you in a position where you don’t have to.

3. Am I operating in bad faith by planning for a trip that I’ll back out of if I become pregnant?

I’m planning on presenting at a conference in the next couple of months for work. I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time and think it will be good for my career. However, it’s in a country with active Zika transmission, and I’ve been trying to conceive. The risk would be low since I would be mostly indoors, in a big clean city, but WHO and CDC guidelines still recommend that pregnant women limit travel. So if I were to get pregnant over the next month, I would not go.

I’ve already experienced a chemical pregnancy (like a super early miscarriage) and I know conception can take a while so I wanted to leave the door open for myself. Am I acting in bad faith? I’ve stalled booking anything just in case and I’ll know for sure before it’s too late, but I hate feeling so cagey and dishonest about it all. Should I just back off the trip regardless?

Pregnancy is unpredictable enough that you’re not obligated to make work plans around the possibility that you might become pregnant in the future. If you do, you’ll deal with it then, but until that time, it’s completely reasonable that you’re proceeding to make plans based on your current reality.

Updated to add: As commenters have pointed out, the CDC recommends that you should wait at least eight weeks before trying to conceive after returning from an area with Zika.

4. A former employer still pays for my cell phone bill

I still have a past employer paying for my cell phone. Is this morally wrong or illegal? I don’t want to get in any trouble!

It’s not illegal, but yes, there’s an ethical issue with allowing them to continue to pay a bill when it’s no longer a business expense. Take them off the bill (or if you can’t do that yourself, contact them and alert them that they need to).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I don’t want employers to see fanfic that I wrote in high school!

I have a completely unique name, so a Google search for me will produce only results relevant to me. I’m old enough that most of these are innocuous, but I have one ridiculously bad result that’s haunted me for over a decade — a fanfiction story I wrote in high school (circa 1999) under my real, full name, before I knew to use a pseudonym. It’s archived at a defunct Angelfire site and the owner never responded to my attempts, 13-14 years ago, to get it taken down. A more recent DMCA request to the host had no result either, and Google won’t let me remove the result since I don’t own the site myself.

It’s fanfiction for a show that went off the air more than a decade ago, so though there’s no date on the page, I have to assume anyone who runs across it can figure out it’s very old…except I work in the conservative legal field and it’s hard to trust that anyone in HR would see it that way (or believe their clients would either). I’m fortunate that it isn’t explicit erotica, but it’s a romance story with mentions of sex, and it’s definitely not the kind of thing I’d want a potential employer seeing even knowing I was a teenager when it was written.

As far as I can tell, my only solution is to get a Twitter with my real name or unlock my Google+ account, and try to flood the search results with more relevant/recent results that are actually professional. I’ve been able to find employment in the last 17 years, obviously, but I always wonder about applications I’ve sent which might have been affected by this search result. Is this truly something that would have been (and still could be) an immediate deal-breaker to an employer?

It’s from nearly 20 years ago! Even if it’s not dated, the fact that it’s on an Angelfire site is going to make it clear that it’s really old. And it’s highly, highly unlikely than anyone is going to read enough of it to even learn that it’s a romance story with mention of sex (no offense to your story, which could be a masterpiece; it’s just not what we’re looking to spend time on when googling a candidate). I think it’s probably a non-issue.

That said, which page of search results does it appear on? If it’s on the first page, I’d do a little bit of search engine management by creating enough other search results that it gets pushed onto the second or third page. (Twitter is one way to do that, but not the only way! Anything that gets attached to your name will probably push this down in the rankings.) If you do that, I think you can permanently not worry about this.

2. My coworker spends his day on magic and politics

I work in a small company with roughly 20 workers at our main office. There’s a gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) who has taken more than his fair share of liberties. He spends the majority of his days watching political satire videos, watching Rush Limbaugh, or watching videos on magic, his new hobby. He leaves copies of various magic and political documents on the office printers, which get mixed up in our printed documents. Three of us have to pick up his work in addition to our already busy schedules. In addition, we’ve document multiple abrasive emails where he offends and degrades our team. We’re all past the point of offended and angry and have brought this complaint to management numerous times. The gentlemen happens to be in his 70’s and we’ve been told he’s in a “protected class,” even though the president of the company can demonstrate insubordination from our coworker on numerous occasions and says he can’t do anything due to his advanced age.

Is this so? Other than leaving the company, what can we do? My colleagues and I work very well together, but the distraction and the extra work are at the point of walking out the door.

No, it’s not true. It’s true that it’s illegal to discriminate against people for being 40 or older, but that means that an employer can’t make adverse employment decisions (like firing him) because of someone’s age … but they can fire him because of performance, attitude, laziness, or any of the other issues in play here. Discrimination laws don’t say “you can’t fire people protected by these laws”; they just say that someone’s age/race/sex/religion/disability/etc. can’t be the reason for firing them.

So they could absolutely deal with this guy if they wanted to. They’re just choosing not to.

As for what you can do about it, your options are limited. At a minimum, you and your coworker should probably could agree as a group that you’re going to stop covering his work and let him deal with the consequences. You could also talk to your coworker directly and repeatedly and tell him to start pulling his weight and stop leaving magical documents on the printer. If you wanted to, you and your coworkers could complain enough that it becomes more of a pain for the company to continue not dealing with it. But really, you’re working for a company that doesn’t care that this guy is spending his day on magic and politics (what a combination!) and leaving you to pick up the slack.

3. New manager wants us to revisit decisions made by our old manager

Our team has a new manager, John. The old manager, Jane, left voluntarily for legitimate reasons. I’ve been doing things according to decisions made by Jane, even if I didn’t agree, because that was the management instruction, e.g. we have to fill the requisition form in before we write the check. But when questioned about some of this by John, he says things like “Jane doesn’t work here any more, so we don’t have to do that” and seems annoyed / frustrated by me constantly bringing up Jane as the reason for doing things a certain way and seems to perceive me as a bit of a “stick in the mud.”

My response to John is that if someone leaves, I don’t automatically revisit/question all their decisions as an agenda item. Surely those decisions were made as part of the management structure of the company as a whole, rather than by Jane in a personal capacity?!

Who is right in this situation, and how can I be less of a “stick in the mud” without coming off as having no initiative / lack of learning by asking John about every little thing?

If you’re saying this stuff in response to John specifically asking you about why you do something a certain way (as opposed to bringing it up on your own), it’s a pretty reasonable thing to say — “this is how we’ve been asked to do it.” That said, it sounds like it would help to modify it a bit and instead say something like, “This is how we were previously asked to do it, but I’d be glad to do it differently if you’d like.” That way you’re conveying that you’re not stuck in the previous ways of doing things and are happy to make changes (which might be the part he’s not hearing from you so far).

But it also sounds like John is saying that he doesn’t want you to continue doing things the old way just because Jane asked you to — he wants you to think about it for yourself and propose an alternative if you think there are better methods. Since you mentioned that you disagreed with some of Jane’s decisions, why not go to John with proposals for better ways of doing those things? You could say something like, “I know you’ve been interested in improving some of our processes, so I wanted to suggest a couple of additional changes that I think would make us more effective — specifically, X and Y.” If John has been worried that you’re wed to old processes or not questioning whether they’re the best way to do things, that would help counteract that impression pretty well.

4. My store wants me to be pushier about getting people to sign up for a credit card

Recently, the chain retail store I work in has decided to start pushing the store branded credit card more heavily, “encouraging” everyone working the registers by running nationwide contests and featuring big sellers in newsletters. Because of my own problems I’ve had with branded credit cards, I don’t feel comfortable asking anyone up sign up for one until they speak with some sort of financial advisor.

But during my last shift it was hinted at that if I don’t try harder to get more credit card applications, I might be let go. I was told by one of my managers that the most successful people in my store just don’t take no for an answer and continue to push people even after being told no multiple times. My anxiety is being pulled in all directions. I can’t lose my job, but I don’t want to feel responsible for someone having credit trouble because of me. Any advice on what to do in this situation?

Ugh, yes, these policies aren’t at all uncommon, despite being obnoxious and annoying a huge number of customers. (I’m guessing that companies who make their salespeople be so pushy must have data showing that it pays off for them, but it’s certainly coming at the expense of a lot of irritated shoppers.)

Anyway, it sounds like you might have a fundamental ethical difference with your employer about his, and you might need to decide if you feel strongly about it that you’re willing to risk your job over it. Before it comes to that, though, talk to your manager and find out what the requirements really are. If it’s truly a requirement of the job, that’s info that you want to have as you decide what you are and aren’t willing to do.

5. Do I need an objective and “references available upon request” on my resume?

I was recently let go from my job of 24 years due to a buy-out. I don’t know if I should mention that in my resume “Objective.” I am no wordsmith and would like help with what to write for my objective. Also, when it comes to references, do I add, to the bottom of my resume “references upon request”?

So, resume conventions have changed significantly in 24 years! You shouldn’t put either of those things on your resume now. Objectives, thank god, have gone the way of the eight-track, and are no longer used. You occasionally still see one, but they really date a resume. (Here’s why.)

And you definitely don’t need to put “references available upon request” on your resume, because it goes without saying that your references are available upon request; it would be really odd if they weren’t. (More here.)

Here’s a walk-through of how to structure a modern resume.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employer wants job candidate to “show loyalty” by not interviewing for other jobs

My partner recently interviewed at a potential employer. The feedback was good, and he has now heard from his recruiter that they are going to make an offer. However, the recruiter also said that the employer asked that my partner “show loyalty” and stop interviewing for other roles while they put the offer package together. I asked if perhaps this was coming from the recruiter who could be protecting his cut, but apparently the employer mentioned it in the interview as well. Is this weird? It seems weird.

It’s weird. And frankly it’s also inappropriate and crappy. There’s no “loyalty” to be shown here. First of all, your partner doesn’t work for this company yet and doesn’t even have an offer from them. I’m sure they’d think it was wildly inappropriate if he asked them to show loyalty by stopping conversations with other candidates because he was considering taking a job with them. Second, he has no way of knowing if the offer, should it materialize, will be acceptable to him. Why should he pass up opportunities with other employers for an offer he might not even end up taking?

If they want to ensure they don’t lose him to other employers, the way to do that is to move quickly and make him an enticing offer. It’s also smart to tell him that’s in process so that he can factor that into his thinking, but how he factors it in is his call, not theirs.

2. My son sent my boss an embarrassing photo of me, and my boss shared it with everyone else

I recently had extensive dental work done that required strong medication, which basically meant I was doped for the day. My 27-year-old son took me and sometime during the day, took a picture of me doped and swollen then sent it to my boss! Unfortunately for me, my boss thought it was funny and sent it to my entire staff.

I’ve already discussed with my son how inappropriate this was and that it was a breach of trust. (Send to your brother, fine. Send to my boss, not fine.) But how do I address this with my boss? We generally have a good relationship, but I’m so upset by this and want to make sure it’s handled professionally.

Agh, I want to have a word with your son — what was he thinking?! How does he even have your boss’s email address, let alone think he should be communicating with him about anything? I am outraged on your behalf.

Anyway, as for your boss: I’m assuming he didn’t realize that your son sent it without your permission, and he probably mistakenly thought that you felt it was all in good fun. That doesn’t mean he should forward embarrassing things without your okay, but that’s likely where he was coming from. If you don’t have reason to think this will come up again, it might not be something you need to address. But if you want to, you could say, “My kid actually sent that without my permission and I was mortified that it got sent around. I’ve obviously spoken with him, but I wanted to let you know for the future where I stand on stuff like this — I find it embarrassing, not funny.”

3. My boss won’t give me her blessing to apply for another job in my company

A job recently opened in my company that would be a promotion for me, with associated new challenges and increased responsibility. I’d be working in roughly the same office with the same people, but no longer under my direct supervisor (I would be her peer). I reviewed the job ad extensively, identifying my fit for the position, and determined that I would be a strong candidate. Using the advice from so many columns and articles, I spoke to my boss about this. I told her I would like to apply but would like to know if I would have her support.

To my surprise, she said no and cited the fact that some experience is required for the position that was not listed in the extensive job description—either in the job duties or required/preferred experience. I was flummoxed.

I am trying to decide now if this was intentional to keep me under her purview (I am a high performer, and she gave me a near-perfect annual review), or if she has provided useful information that will save me the embarrassment of applying for a job for which she knows I would not be competitive. Additionally, I wonder if I approached this wrong, and should have simply told her was applying, rather than “asking for her blessing.” Finally, what are my options going forward? I have a relationship with the hiring manager (my boss’s boss), so I could also ask her directly, but would this be bad form? I may also be useful to know that I work in a small office, have been here for just over two years, my boss is not much older than me and has no intentions of leaving (so replacing her eventually is not a possibility), and promotion opportunities like this come around rarely.

It’s certainly possible that your boss is right about the job requirements, and it’s possible that she has legitimate reasons for not thinking you’re right for the role. But in most cases, the correct response in that situation would still be, “I don’t think it’s the right fit because of XYZ, but I of course understand if you want to throw your hat in the ring.” And also, “If it doesn’t work out, let’s talk about other ways for you increase your responsibilities and keep you growing in this role or another one.”

I’d go ahead and talk with the hiring manager directly and get her take on it. And if she encourages you to apply, do. That’s a reasonable thing to do; if you’re a high performer who’s put in two years, your boss should not be standing in the way of you applying for other roles. Also, if you think there’s any chance that she’ll try to sabotage your chances because she just doesn’t want you to move out of your current role, discreetly mention that to the hiring manager too (“I get the sense that Jane wasn’t happy when I mentioned I wanted to apply — between you and me, I’m concerned she may fight to keep me where I am”).

And no, I don’t think you did anything wrong by the way you initially approached it. Knowing what we now know about your boss, yeah, it would have been better to just let her know you were applying — but you couldn’t have known that ahead of time.

4. Can I tell a fun story about myself in my cover letter even though it’s not related to the job?

I once had to give a presentation in a swanky hotel in Europe to some of the highest level executives in my company. I was nervous beforehand and worked very hard on the presentation. It went great, and as we were exiting the conference room, we saw the Dali Lama step off the elevator! He stopped and greeted our party warmly before he continued on. I am in the midst of writing cover letters and wonder how would I include this little story which is so much fun? I know it has nothing to do with my skills, but it is a really cool thing that happened to me.

It is a cool thing, and it does not belong in a cover letter. Your cover letter is for showing why you’re a strong candidate; it doesn’t make sense to use the (very limited) space there to relate interesting anecdotes that don’t make you a stronger candidate.

I think you might be thinking that this is a way of showing personality, but you want to do that via talking about relevant stuff that’s related to why you’d be awesome at the job.

5. I found an interview invitation in my spam folder — five days later

I applied for an assistant position at a company through a job board. It was listed as confidential, but the position fit my skills and experience perfectly. I didn’t get a response in the next few days but thought nothing of it, given in the past it’s usually taken a week or so for a job to call me about an interview.

Today, I was cleaning up some stuff in my email account and decided to check my spam folder, which I check fairly frequently (and which recently has been bombarded with phishing scams and other sketchy items). In there, I found a reply email from that job, sent five days ago, asking me for my availability next Wednesday (read: today) for an interview. The signature included the name and location of the company, and my email through the job board was included in the reply, so I know it’s real. I usually am able to catch legitimate emails that fall into my spam folder in time, but this one fell right through the cracks and now I’ve missed the deadline for an interview and possibly the job entirely.

How can I go about this gracefully? I want to explain the situation so I don’t look bad, but I also feel as if it’s embarrassing on their part to point out that Gmail considers their emails to look like phishing scams. I still really want his job and I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity because of something like this.

“I’m so sorry for the delay in responding to you — for some reason Gmail sent this to my spam folder. I’m very interested in talking with you and hope I haven’t missed your window. I can make myself available any time Friday and much of next week as well. Is there a time that would work on your end?”

You don’t need to say anything about Gmail considering their emails fishy (phishy?); they will put that together themselves if they hear this enough (and it might actually just be a fluke that doesn’t require any changes from them). They are unlikely to be embarrassed.

(Interview invitations going to spam was the topic of my very first post on this site nine years ago!)