It’s fast answer Friday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. My employer found out that I posted my resume on a job board

Yesterday my manager told me that our head of HR had received an alert that I updated my resume on Monster.com. It’s true, I did, I’ve been looking around at jobs for over a year now and before this person was my manager I had vented to her about work and mentioned looking for a new job probably more than once in the last year. We’ve had many layoffs, workloads are crazy here, so she said obviously she understands but reiterated that she values me here, etc. The Director above my manager was also alerted by HR about this and she has a tendency to be pretty moody and hard to deal with if you do something to upset her. What do I say if she brings it up to me too? I don’t want to lie and say it was a mistake and that I’m not looking because I am. But I’m also not taking a new job any time soon, I just like to keep my eyes open which I think a lot of people at my company are doing. How should I respond if the director mentions this to me?

“I very much want to stay here, but with the recent layoffs, it seemed irresponsible not to ensure my resume was out there. But I hope to remain here for the long-term.”

2. I used to work at a grocery store, and now I’m applying to their corporate offices

I worked for a major grocery chain when I was in high school, and am now applying for a job at one of their corporate offices years later. This position wouldn’t have much to do with the stores, so my experience as a teen isn’t really relevant, but I’m wondering if there’s a way to spin it into an asset or anecdote in my application.

Yes! Definitely mention it. It’s not going to get you the job on its own, but it’s the kind of things that can grab their attention and provide fodder for conversation in your interview. I’d say something like, “I loved working at ABC as a cashier during high school, and would be thrilled to return now in a different capacity.”

3. I can’t access my email address, and I’m job-hunting

A few weeks ago, I lost access to the email address on my resume, and it now no longer exists (as in, when you send an email to it, it bounces back). I have applied to several jobs in which I cannot change the email address on file as I applied via email to the job (rather than through a login/password site). I have not heard back from the company, and the job is still listed on the website. Do you suggest I send a follow up email, saying I lost access to the email address on file and here is my new email address? Or do you suggest I move on, as my phone number will suffice if HR chooses to reach out to me?

Yes, send a follow-up email — just two sentences to explain the situation and give the correct address. Some employers will append it to your application, and other won’t, but you won’t lose anything by trying with them all.

4. My boss is giving rejected job applicants questionable advice

At my current position, we are hiring a new member of staff. When someone comes in for a face-to-face interview, we always give them really detailed feedback — whether they get the job or not. With one rejected applicant, my manager told her that she should call up the receptionist for the company she is applying for, and ask them to give them information about all of the different departments and what they do so that she is better prepared for the interview. I think this is odd and I think they should find other ways to get the information rather than calling a receptionist. How do you feel about this?

Yes, it’s terrible advice. At many organizations, that would get the person kicked out of the running.

Your manager should stop giving applicants feedback, because if this is representative of her advice, she’s harming them, not helping them.

5. How can I tell my manager I want a more positive work environment?

I’ve been at my new job for almost 6 months, and from day one it has been a negative environment. It seems like everyone is unhappy, openly disrespectful and at the beginning the way I was learning people’s names was through hearing negative things said about them. I expressed my surprise and disappointment about this within in the first two weeks of being there to the executive when I was asked directly about this. So I’ve been very upfront about this and have maintained an almost Pollyanna optimistic demeanor for 6 months now.

However, after 6 months, I am feeling extremely worn down and broken-spirited over my job, and the negativity is really crossing my professional boundaries. We work in an organization that helps people and is a worthy cause that I want to be passionate about, but the work environment is eclipsing the cause. I already scheduled a meeting with my direct supervisor to talk about it, but as a manager how would you like to be approached about this? I don’t want to give ultimatums about this needing to change or I’ll leave, but that is in fact something I’m strongly considering. I’d like a commitment from him to shut down overtly negative conversations and foster a more positive, respectful environment. What are some viable solutions I can come to the table with?

Well, if this is the culture there, this is the culture there. I agree with you that it sounds awful, but if it’s this entrenched, one person objecting to it isn’t likely to change much. You can certainly discuss your concerns with your manager, and it’s good for the organization’s management to hear this kind of feedback, but I think it’s pretty unlikely that one person complaining — and a new person, at that — is going to convince your manager to commit to shutting this stuff down.

6. Should interviewers ask to see candidates’ performance evaluations?

What are your thoughts on interviewers asking candidates to share past performance reviews? Creepy and intrusive, reasonable, or borderline? This happened in my current search and I could have sworn you’d addressed it before, but I’m not seeing it in the archives!

I think I’ve addressed offering past evaluations as a candidate (fine to do), but not asking for them as an employer. I don’t think it’s a reasonable request in most cases; some companies consider them confidential documents, some don’t do them at all, or at least not in writing, and some — many — do such a terrible job of them that they’re not going to be useful, at least not without a ton of context. The only time where I’d consider asking for it is if I couldn’t contact the candidate’s most recent employer for some reason (if they’d died or otherwise become unreachable), and then I wouldn’t require it, only suggest it as a possible way for the candidate to better flesh out my understanding of her work history.

7. Can I refuse to leave my shift early?

I’m a cashier at a local grocery store, and lately my managers have been cutting my shifts short. I am only a part-time worker, meaning my weekly paycheck is about 65 bucks. This week, 3 hours have been cut from my check as a result of being dismissed an hour early each day. This takes a significant amount from my check and isn’t even enough for the week’s worth of gas.

One day, I mentioned something to a coworker about it to see if I was the only one and take concern. She agreed that I shouldn’t be relieved that early when most cashiers work their full shift. She mentioned something about refusing to end my shift until the scheduled time was fulfilled. I have talked to a few of the managers about getting more hours, but nothing has been done yet. So my question is, do I have the right to refuse leaving early? And is there anything else you recommend?

No, you can’t. You can talk to your manager and express your strong preference to work your full shift, but if it’s their prerogative to send you home early if they want to. It’s also your prerogative to look for another job if you’re not getting enough hours at this one.

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A reader writes:

I have what may be a silly question but I keep feeling like I must be crazy so I thought I’d ask for an outside opinion.

I have been working for a company and doing an exceptional job in my current role, by all accounts. A job came open at the next step up, and I expressed interest in it to my boss. Fast forward and the role ended up being filled by someone else. I asked for feedback because both of us have equivalent backgrounds and I was known as the higher performer. I was concerned that I was not as high performing as I thought and wanted to change that so I would be the first choice for the next opportunity. However, the feedback I have received is that I am in fact the higher performer but my talents will be needed elsewhere in the company. This is a nice thought but that is the limit to any information. I have asked for more — timeline, position, location…anything! When I do, I am told that I should trust the company and it will all work out.

I love where I work and what I do, but I don’t want to put my career on hold for vague promises. When I express that trusting the company isn’t enough for me, I am told that I am “immature” and I need to understand that this is just how it is. I am continuing to work hard and keep a positive attitude, but I am finding it hard to want to keep working for this company. I have a likely offer coming next week and I am tempted to accept it, but I don’t want to leave my company if I am truly overly sensitive in my reaction to this whole situation. Can you please help me? I need some perspective!

“Trust the company and it will all work out.”

Ha ha ha!

They may indeed have bigger plans for you. Or they may not. Or if they do, you might not be interested in those specific plans, or might not be interested in them at the rate of pay they’re going to offer. It doesn’t matter now, because their refusal to tell you — and worse, their claim that you’re “immature” for questioning them — indicate that these aren’t people who operate in reasonable ways or in good faith.

It would be one thing if they were simply vague. That would still be reason to function as if there were no solid plans for you — because there’s no offer until there’s an offer, even where promotions are concerned — but throw in their utter disrespect for you with the “trust us, you don’t need any information” and the immaturity allegation, and you have people who don’t deserve any loyalty from you. And who in fact deserve a bit of suspicion.

(One caveat: It’s okay for a manager to say — on a temporary basis — “There’s something in the works right now that I can’t discuss yet, but it could open up an opportunity that I think you’d be interested in, and I’ll be able to talk to you more about it in about a month.” Sometimes that’s really the case — the company is launching a new initiative that hasn’t been announced yet, or someone is leaving but needs to keep it quiet for now, or whatever. But in that case, if they’re going to talk to you about it at all, they should give you a clear timeline for talking further, and they certainly shouldn’t tell you “just trust us” or “you’re an immature baby for wanting to know information that will affect your own career.”)

So, no, you’re not being overly sensitive. You’re being reasonable.

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A reader writes:

As an HR professional, I often have to talk to our employees about embarrassing or sensitive issues. However, I have a situation where I need to talk to an employee about her communication skills and I am not sure how to approach the situation.

We have an employee here who likes to talk “baby talk.” I have been getting a lot of complaints lately from her coworkers and staff that this is embarrassing and awkward for them. For instance, I have noticed her say goodbye to her coworkers by saying, “Bye bye boo boo,” and I have also heard her say, “What’s up, foo foo.” Yes, she is a grown woman, and no, I am not making this stuff up (although I really wish that I was). I have noticed this in my interactions with this employee as well. I have also noticed that the baby talk intensifies when she appears to be stressed, so perhaps it is just an odd nervous reaction. Most recently, I had to ask her a question about an expense report that she had approved. It was just a simple question, but she seemed a little defensive like she thought she was in trouble and she switched the baby talk into high gear and said, “Am I in tubble?” in this little baby voice while giving me a pouty face. It was very embarrassing.

What makes it worse is that she is a manager. Her staff has been complaining as well, as they consider this to be degrading to them. One particular member of her team told me that she pulled the baby talk in a meeting with one of her clients. Afterwards, the client sent an email to his contact here and asked what was up with her strange manager.

I definitely need to have a conversation with her, but I just don’t even know how to start the conversation. How do you tell someone to knock off the baby talk?

Just to give you a little more info on our environment: We are a mid-sized, business consulting firm and she is a manager of a team of about 20 account managers. Communication is a huge part of her job. Also, her immediate supervisor has asked HR to have the conversation with her as he also doesn’t know how to handle the issue. A couple of her coworkers have asked her to knock off the baby talk a few times, but from what I have been told, she has laughed it off and acted like she didn’t even realize that she was doing it. I am used to having the sensitive personnel situations passed over to me and usually I am perfectly capable at handling these things and tend to have a knack for being empathetic yet direct. However, this situation has got me at a loss for words. Please help!

I once worked with a woman who did this — although only with men, interestingly — and it was incredibly grating and unprofessional and absolutely destroyed her ability to be taken seriously as a normal professional person.

In any case, her direct manager is the one who needs to be handling this, because he’s the person charged with giving her feedback, and he shouldn’t be allowed to pawn it off on HR. So please go back to him and tell him that you’d be glad to coach him through the conversation, but it needs to come from him, because he is her manager, not you.

As for what to say, he should just be direct: “Jane, I’ve noticed you sometimes use a childish voice, or baby talk. This is impacting the way you’re perceived by clients, coworkers, and your team. You’re an adult professional, and it’s important that you represent yourself that way. This type of thing can really hold you back at work, and will prevent people from taking you seriously, particularly as a manager. Are you aware when you’re doing it, and do you think it’s something you can stop?”

Then, if he ever hears her doing it again, he needs to address it — privately, of course, not on the spot if there are others there. For instance: “I noticed in our meeting with Bob, you were using baby talk with him. Did you realize you were doing it?”

And if she does it one-on-one with him, he should say something in the moment: He should stop the conversation — just as you would if someone, say, started speaking to you in pig Latin out of nowhere — and say something like, “Jane, why are you speaking to me like that?” (You can address it like that too, if she does it to you. And I hope you will, because she probably needs the message reinforced.)

If her manager then notices her continuing to do with her the people she manages, he needs to address it as a performance issue. Since she’s managing other people, this doesn’t fall in the category of “this is an optional thing to fix if you’d like to be taken more seriously,” but rather “you need to fix this because it’s impeding your ability to manage your staff.”

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It’s terse answer Thursday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Contacting an HR director through Facebook

Is it rude to contact the HR director through Facebook? I’ve been job hunting for months with not one single interview in sight, so I’m getting pretty frustrated. I thought about changing my tactics and doing a little bit of self promo without being invasive, so I researched hiring managers and HR directors.

There is this amazing company that has a job I think I’ll be perfect for, but I don’t want to fall into the pile of garbage again. I found who the HR director is, and I was able to find his Facebook page. I was thinking of sending him a message there telling him that I know they are hiring and I’d love to provide him with my resume if he’ll allow me, but would he be insulted by that or would he consider this approach a “go-getter” asset?

Don’t do that. Facebook isn’t a professional network; it’s a personal one that most people don’t use for work, and many people are annoyed to get job-related emails there. You could certainly try contacting him via LinkedIn since that actually IS a professional network, but a better strategy would be to forget that altogether and instead work on putting together a better resume and cover letter, since those are the usual culprits when someone isn’t getting interviews. For help with that, read this.

2. I’m not getting any direction in my new job

I just started a new job as a product manager for a start-up internet company. Since I’ve started, I have had no real assignments or tasks. On several occasions, I’ve taken it upon myself to come up with my own projects (research and document findings, map out a workflow, and develop mockup drawings) and have sent them to my manager. Each time this happens, she thanks me for sending, and tells me that it’s helpful in a polite “you’re new” kind of way. After that, I don’t get any further direction, feedback, or follow up from these mini-projects, nor am I given direction to do anything else. It’s been three weeks of simply sitting at my desk, mostly surfing the internet, and it’s killing me! Is there a way for me to ask for something to do without sounding like I need her to hand hold me? She’s an entrepreneur type, and has mentioned to me that she doesn’t like to micromanage.

Ask for broad goals. Ask her what a successful three months / six months / year would look like in the position. What should you achieve in the next quarter? If she won’t or can’t tell you that, there are bigger problems there.

3. When should I follow up on this promising communication?

I have had two in-person interviews with a consulting company. I have been told by HR that I “killed” on them. I had a third phone interview with a senior VP on May 10th and it went great. Last Friday, I had not yet heard anything, so I called my HR contact to see if they needed anything else from me, and she told me, “You must be clairvoyant, I’ve been emailing about you all morning.” She said it was all good things and they are “finalizing things with the client” and an HR VP “will call you next week.” As of today, I have yet to receive a call. I am just curious as to what may be going on. Should I follow up at all, and if so, when?

She said someone would contact you this week, so wait for this week to be fully over before you follow up again. Otherwise, you’re being pushy — the timeline she gave you hasn’t passed yet. If you don’t hear anything this week, it’s fine to check back with her next week — but even then, I’d give them a bit of a buffer and contact her Tuesday or Wednesday, not Monday. And remember, if they want to hire you, they’re not going to forget to — it’s not like you need to remind them that you exist.

4. Is it legal to fire me for not meeting all the job’s qualifications, when they knew that when they hired me?

If a company hires you, knowing full well that you don’t meet every requirement for the position (your license is different than the one required), can they then come back and fire you for not meeting all of the requirements?

I was hired by a company that doesn’t accept a barber’s license. I have worked there over a year, but now they may fire me because I don’t have a cosmetology license. They recruited me, recieved a copy of my barber’s license, and hired me. Now a separate employee problem with a different employee has them putting me on admin leave (I’m a manager) with the threat that they may have to fire me because of the requirement of a cosmetology liscence. Is this legal? They knew about and verified the barber’s license.

Yes, it’s legal. it’s unfair, certainly, and you could and should try pushing back — pointing out that they knew about it when they hired you and that you’ve done an excellent job for them for more than a year, with excellent reviews (which is hopefully true). But if they ultimately won’t budge, that’s their prerogative.

5. How can I get a raise from a company that hasn’t given me one in eight years?

I have worked for a Fortune 500 corporation for 8 years. Due to the economic downturn, I accepted a lower starting wage, believing that as the economy improved, so would my wages. But I am still at the same ranking and wage as when I started, despite acquiring a company certification (3-year process) and advancing to my current position, 2 ranks above. I work long hours and do the work of my superiors, who shirk their duties but somehow manage to get promoted. Twice I have been strung along by managers that have jumped ship before coming through on the promises made as they increased my duties. Now is the time of year when decisions for promotion are made, and I currently have no manager to represent me in the executive meeting where promotions are decided. I am my family’s sole source of income and insurance and need my job, but how can I get the proper compensation without risking everything?

You can certainly make the case for a raise to whoever you’re reporting to, but ultimately, you’ll need to believe what the company is telling you through their actions — if they’re not promoting you and increasing your salary after eight years, there’s not much reason to believe they’ll do it anytime soon. Why not look for another job rather than putting all your eggs in this basket?

6. Who should I send my resignation to?

I’m unsure about whether to send my written notice to my manager’s email, or my company’s email. Which one should I do?

Neither. Talk to your manager in person. You should never let the first news of your resignation be a formal resignation letter; you talk in person with your boss first. (And even then, you often don’t need a resignation letter; you only need one if the company requests one.)

7. Following up with a company that I might not be interested in

How do I handle following up with a company I may not be interested in? I met several potential employers at a career fair at my university that was only open to alumni/students. I met some great people and companies and am excited for a career change this summer. I met a software company that does training for local governments such as police/fire/EMTs, etc. Having worked in public sector for 10+ years (including with police/fire), as well as having experience in facilitating, I thought it may be a good match. The recruiter asked for my resume and I happily gave it to her. We discussed the position some more and it was revealed that the position requires travel about 80% of the time around the country to do training for cities. I didn’t realize this when I handed over my resume and wasn’t going to ask for it back. I just received a phone call today about a possible interview with the person I met at the career fair.

I will return the call, as that is my professional nature. I am just unsure how to proceed. Do I at least go to an interview to learn more and then during the interview process reveal I am not interested in traveling that much? I am all about being open-minded and hearing what an employer has to offer. But I do know that my family and I truly value our dinners at home with small children. I know many people do this on a regular basis. I guess I was just caught off guard by this. Traveling once a month or so is fine. But Monday-Thursday every week really doesn’t appeal to me. Advice on how to proceed or handle?

Return the call, and when they ask you to come in for an interview, say, “I’d love to talk about working with you, but when I spoke with Jane, she mentioned that the position is 80% travel. I’m not able to travel that much. Is it a requirement of the position?” If they say yes, then you can explain that this probably isn’t the right fit but that you’d love to be kept in mind for future openings.

What you don’t want to do is go to the interview and then mention this — because since you were told earlier, they’re likely to be annoyed that you wasted their time if this was already a deal-breaker for you.

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A reader writes:

My boss’s boss asked me to mentor a new hire several months ago, which I was very excited to do. I have been pursing management at this job (retail), so I was excited to show my supervisors how capable I am. Over the holidays was great — he was intelligent, capable, and eager to learn. He put in 110% on everything, and really went the extra mile. I was really proud of his work, and my supervisors praised my mentoring and his performance. Everything was going great until last week — they are pushing through a new part-time mandate at many stores statewide. Our store was notified last week that all the part-time people would no longer be able to work 40 hours a week — they were being dropped to working 24 hours a week maximum next month.

At the meeting to discuss the new hour structure, this employee (who is part-time) completely flipped out! He was like a different person. He verbally attacked our supervisors, interrupting the meeting, and was so disruptive, rude, and downright horrid that our boss asked him if he would rather have the night off. He agreed that he would rather go home than work, and stomped out of the meeting room and went home. Now he comes to work, but won’t take the initiative to do a good job like he was before, milks out his time, and has an extremely negative attitude about everything.

The issue? My boss (and his boss) are still expecting me to mentor and motivate this person. After the explosion at the meeting, I have no desire to be around him, and I cannot motivate him to his previous level of work performance (I have no authority over him jobwise). Eventually one of the bosses will notice that this individual’s performance has slipped, and I already know that they will question me about why I didn’t address or fix it — so I want to be preemptive and remove myself from this equation.

What is the best way to let my bosses know that I want to withdraw from mentoring this person? I don’t want it to prevent me from mentoring again in the future, because I really did enjoy the experience — it helped me gain valuable insight. But in this case, I feel like the issue bothering him (anger over hours) isn’t something that I could ever fix or even address — it is a corporate decision. Any advice you could give on this situation would be appreciated. I am still learning, and any insight into gracefully bowing out of this situation that you could give would be beneficial.

Well, this might actually be when mentoring can help most — and when it can most teach you the kinds of skills that you’ll want to learn if you want to move into a management position.

When someone is a great worker, mentoring is relatively easy. It’s when things are more complicated that mentoring really challenges you and builds skills in a different way.

Of course, let me be clear: This guy sounds like an ass. A good manager would tell him straightforwardly that he needs to pull it together or be replaced. But you’re not his manager; you’re his mentor — and this is a situation ripe for a good mentor talking to him about what’s going on, and seeing if you can help him view the situation differently.

So why not give that a try? Talk to him about the change you’ve seen in him since the new policy was announced, express your concern that both that he’s unhappy and that he’s jeopardizing his job and reputation, and see if talking through the issue helps him at all. If it doesn’t, then so be it. But this is exactly where a mentor can potentially step in and do some good.

Now, I do want to make something else clear: It is not your job to fix this situation. I can’t tell whether your bosses have really told you that it’s your responsibility to fix things like this or whether you’re (incorrectly) assuming that on your own. If you’re just assuming it and your bosses haven’t actually said that or strongly implied it, I wouldn’t assume that at all — that’s not the role of a mentor. But if your bosses have indeed told you that you’re responsible for someone else’s performance without any actual authority over them (!), then (a) they are being ridiculous, and (b) you need to go back and explain to them that you can’t do that without managerial authority.

That said, if talking to him doesn’t change anything, I would talk to your bosses about the situation, aside from the a-mentor-isn’t-a-manager issue above. I’d say something like, “I’m concerned about Bob. As you know, he’s upset about the new policy, and it’s showed in his work ever since. I’ve tried talking with him about it, but to no avail. I’m not sure if further mentoring at this point makes sense; I don’t think the issue will be fixed until someone with more authority steps in and addresses it.” And the reason I’d have that conversation is that you don’t want to seem oblivious to something serious going on with someone you’ve been charged with helping — so do bring it to your bosses, both so that it’s clear that you’ve recognized and tried to address the issue, and in order to flag that the problem is a manager-level problem.

But what I wouldn’t do is just say, “Hey, I don’t want to mentor Bob anymore.” Because that’s going to be contrary to your whole goal of using the mentorship to groom yourself for an eventual management position. Rather than seeming to just wash your hands of a difficult situation, you want to show that you’re calm in the face of silliness, that you recognize what you can and can’t do and are wiling to try the things you can, and that you can escalate appropriately up the chain when needed.

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A reader writes:

I called a candidate for an interview and left a detailed message of when and where to call me back. When this person called back, he was very rude with our front desk clerks and stated he was not sure who called.

What can I say to this candidate? I don’t want to schedule him for an interview based on the complaints I received back about his actions. I had initially contacted him for a position where the customer service is very important, and if he couldn’t even be nice over the phone it makes me not want to waste my time. What can I say when this person calls back?

Well, you have two choices: Tell him the truth, or be vague.

If you’d rather be vague, you can simply say, “We’ve since moved forward with other candidates, but I appreciate your time.” (And if you go this route, you could simply send him an email right now saying this, rather than waiting to see if he calls back.)

If you want to tell him the real reason, you could say, “To be honest, customer service is very important for this role, and we’re assessing those skills in every contact with candidates. The person who took your earlier call had concerns about the way you handled the call, and so I don’t think the position is the right fit.”

The arguments in favor of giving him candid feedback are (1) you’d be doing him a service by letting him know the impact of his phone manner, and (2) the principle of the thing — someone who was rude to the receptionist should hear that it’s not okay.

The arguments against giving him candid feedback are (1) you’re opening yourself up to a potentially rude or hostile reaction, (2) you have no obligation to coach this guy on his job search skills, let alone to open yourself up to potential hostility as a result, and (3) one could argue there’s no point; you know you’re not going to hire this guy, so you might as well just move on.

Which way to go is really up to you. I’m a fan of giving candidates feedback when it’s not awkward and is easily delivered. But you certainly don’t need to, and could go the easier (and vaguer) route instead.

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featured-on-usnIf you’re unhappy at work, you’ve probably thought about finding a new job – but if you’re like a lot of people, you never seriously start searching because your own fears hold you back — whether it’s feeling like you can’t leave your team in the middle of a big project, or fearing that it will be too hard to find a new job, or not wanting to lose the status you have at your current job.

Over at U.S. News & World Report today, I talk about these and other common excuses for not job-searching. Take a look and see if any sound familiar.

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It’s wee answer Wednesday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. I bombed an employment test — can I ask to retake it?

I just got back from an interview and made a really terrible mistake! They gave me a proofreading test, and I bombed it – I missed around 60% of what I was supposed to catch. The thing is, this is very out of character for me. I normally produce error-free or close to error-free work and have consistently done so in my past occupations. I was very nervous, and I think I blanked out because of that. I feel like the rest of the interview went reasonably well, but unfortunately, proofreading is a substantial part of the job, so I know that what I did was very detrimental.

I’m wondering if there’s ANY way at all to mitigate this situation? I haven’t sent my thank you/follow up note yet, and I’m wondering if there’s something I can say in there to address this and explain that it’s out of character? Would it be appropriate to say something apologizing, explaining that it’s out of character for me, and possibly mentioning that if there was any way to give a second demonstration of my abilities, I would very much appreciate that?

I feel very bad about this, more so because it’s so unlike me and I let my nerves get the better of me. I want to communicate to the employer that this isn’t a reflection of my work without coming off as panicked/desperate. Is there a way I can do that, or have I basically lost my chances?

You can definitely try saying that you know your nerves got the better of you and that you’re normally a carefully and neurotic proofreader (people who want proofreaders love neurotic ones), and that you’d be grateful for an opportunity to retake the test if that’s possible, but that you understand if it isn’t. They may or may not agree, but you have nothing to lose by asking.

2. Can we be paid in pizza and beer?

I work for a mid-sized company (800 employees) that’s been in business for 10+ years (yet upper management tries to convince us we’re a start-up, but that’s a whole different thing all together). I’ve been in the same department for almost 3 years now and we are all salaried, but non-exempt employees.

When I first started in my role, it wasn’t uncommon to see emails requesting people to work overtime, and it was always clear it would be compensated and how much compensation there would be (usually time and a half).

Now these requests still fly into our inboxes at least once a month, but the compensation drastically changed: from time and a half to pizza and beer. Although it always says it’s voluntary to participate in these 3-5 hour “after hours” overtime shifts, several of my trusted coworkers and I have commented that management seems to subtly retaliate against those who don’t partake. We’re all folks who have a degree and although this is a job most people take straight out of college, we are still professionals and we are adults — not a fraternity! I much rather get paid in money than pizza and beer (which, frankly, I can buy myself if I really wanted to). My question is: is this even legal, working for pizza and beer? I don’t know if HR knows about this (I assume they don’t).

If you’re non-exempt, your employer is required by federal law to pay you overtime (time and a half) for all hours over 40 worked in a single week. It’s not optional. Pizza and beer does not count, and you cannot “volunteer” to waive overtime pay.

3. Can I make my raise request via email rather than in-person?

I have prepared myself for asking for a raise and I think I have sufficient arguments and enough space considering my salary at the moment and my contribution during previous years in the company. The thing is that I strongly believe that it could be presented better if it is written and summarized in email rather then in ordinary conversation with my boss. Should I write an email and how does that look in eyes of my employer?

It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it looks a little weird — like you were afraid of advocating for yourself/your work in-person. This tends to be a face-to-face conversation.

Also, how long is this email you’ve written? If it’s longer than a few paragraphs (which I suspect it might be, based on your belief that it’s better presented in writing), it’s too long.

Anyway, if at all possible, talk in person. You can certainly use notes to remember the points you want to make, but talk face-to-face.

4. Grieving at work

I lost my sister late last year, and I am just now starting to process the loss, if that makes sense. Her death was unexpected and early. How do I handle crying/sadness at work? I try hard to stay focused and busy, but sometimes a random thought will just bring on the waterworks. Most of my coworkers know, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

How awful; I’m so sorry. If you’re with others when it happens, it’s fine to say, “Excuse me, I need a minute” when you start to tear up or feel emotional; people will understand. If you’re alone at your desk, it’s fine to close your door or — if you don’t have your own office — go somewhere more private, even if it’s just the bathroom or for a walk around the block. And if you want to, you can tell the people you work with most closely that you’re finding it’s really hitting you at work lately, but you don’t need to do that if you’d rather not.

This is such a understandable thing to go through, and most people will be compassionate.

5. How do I come up with goals for my job?

I need to meet with my boss in two days time and be able to discuss my 5 and 10 year goals and objectives. We are a green energy company that is a new arm to a very large gas and oil distribution company. So it is a new area of the business that we are creating. My boss, for lack of a better word, is #1, making me the #2 of the western region. Because there is nothing established or to reflect on within the company, I am not sure where I can go? I do know depending on production and growth, we will be opening an office in a downtown area of the state we live in. For now, my boss and I both work solo from our own homes. Green energy is growing, it is expanding, and contracts are in excess of 25 years. So I know there is stability and growth.

How do I create goals and objectives that are realistic? Training within the company is spotty at best being we are breaking new ground. But I would like to know more about what we are doing and the process and to understand the birth to grave process of green energy.

I would like to stay employed with this company until I can not longer work and wish to retire. I would like to stay in the state I am in, near my family. That’s all I have to offer… what kind of goals and objectives can I create with this?

Your goals should be about what you’ll achieve over defined period of time. Frankly, 5 and 10 years are unusually large chunks of time for individual goal-setting; it’s more typical to do them for one-year period. (Companies and departments often have 5-year plans, but you might talk to your boss about doing annual goal-setting for yourself, and longer-term goal-setting for your region. Or maybe the nature of your position means that it’s the same thing — I’m not sure.) In any case, the idea is that the goals you come up with should describe what a successful performance would look like during that period. What do you want to achieve? What plans will you need in place in order to do that? If you imagine it’s X years from now and you’re looking back on what you achieved during that time, what do you want to be able to say was accomplished?

If you’re not clear on the answers to this stuff, the first step is to have a conversation with your boss to get better aligned on what you should be working toward achieving.

6. Can my employer make me find people to cover my shifts and not pay them extra?

My employer has “retired” the receptionist and has distributed her duties to the rest of the secretarial staff. No compensation in wages was given for this, and we are still expected to complete all of our regular work while having to come up to the front of the building to answer phones and deal with constant interruptions for several hours each day.

I am preparing to go on a long overdue vacation, and my employer has instated a policy that I have to find someone to take my “shifts” at the reception desk. OK, I can do that. The problem being that they want that person to do it for free. My question is: Is this legal? Of course no one is going to want to do this for free!

Yes, it’s legal. They can put whatever restrictions they want on vacation time, since no law requires them to offer it at all. As for not paying people to take your shifts, they’re not required to pay extra for additional responsibilities. Or do you mean that the person wouldn’t otherwise be working on those days, and they want them to come in and work those days for free? If they’re non-exempt, that’s not legal; non-exempt employees have to be paid for all hours they work. If they’re exempt, or if these are times they’re already working, then the employer isn’t obligated to pay them additional wages on top of it.

7. Workplace called me to come in when I was supposed to be out of town

I work for a restaurant in the state of California. I was scheduled Tuesday and Thursday off. I covered my shift on Wednesday with another employee. The manager signed it. I was going to leave home for three days. But my trip got canceled. So I come home from being gone all day and have two messages on my home phone. They are trying to call me in for Wednesday.

Since I didn’t leave on my trip, I was home to receive the message. What if I had taken off for three days? How would not receiving the message be my fault? I don’t own a cell phone — never have. They know this. Should I never leave home?

Well, you’re assuming here that it would be a problem to not return the phone call, without actually knowing that it is. In most workplaces where this happened, it would simply be because they forgot the reason you were going to be out (and figured you were in town and potentially available), and when you returned from your scheduled days off, you’d simply say, “Hey, I got your message, but I was out of town,” and that would be the end of it. Now, certainly if you have reason to think that will not be the case here — or if it ends up not being the case when you return — then there’s a problem. But so far, there’s no reason to assume that.

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A reader writes:

I have an employee who is foster-parenting two troubled teens. My employee is an amazing woman in many regards, and I am overwhelmed when I think about the commitment she is making to these girls who have been tossed around in life.

My employee has been with the organization for many years, long enough that it feels odd to have to explain “how we do things.” However, her foster children go to a high school nearby, and she has been having them walk over to our office after school and wait in a conference room working on homework until she gets off at 5 pm. Using the office for childcare—no matter the age of the children—is not “how we do things” here. We do not have an explicit policy against it—nor do we have one against setting fire to the office. It’s just not ok.

I’m ashamed to admit that I looked the other way for a while. She is no longer my direct report (her supervisor is) and I assumed that this was a short-term situation she had worked out with her supervisor. It came to light today that this is an every-day arrangement, and one of the girls recently vandalized our property.

I know that I need to address the situation, but it feels harder somehow, because she is doing such a noble thing by taking care of these girls. We work in a government setting, and service to the public is our core mission.

Do you have any words of wisdom for counseling an employee for doing the right thing in life that happens to be the wrong thing in the office?

“I admire the commitment you’ve made to these girls, but we can’t have kids staying in the office, other than on rare supervised visits.”

However, this should likely come from her manager, not from you. You should speak to her manager to get aligned with her about why this isn’t appropriate and shouldn’t have been okayed to begin with, and then her manager should speak with her. And when she does, she should own that message — not say “I don’t have a problem with it, but Jane told me I have to tell you to stop.” Otherwise you risk creating an us-vs.-them dynamic that pits you and her and her manager.

So the manager talks to her, but you can coach her on what language to use, framing, and so forth.

Regarding the fact that this feels harder because your employee is doing something good here, you’ve got to keep in mind that there are many noble pursuits out there (and some of your other employees are probably engaged in them outside of work as well), but just because something is good and noble doesn’t mean that it makes sense to bring it into the workplace, when doing so would be disruptive. Otherwise workplaces would be full of kids and foster cats and people with nowhere to sleep. There’s a reason that most workplaces aren’t, and it’s because those things would compromise their ability to deliver on their mission, and that’s what they’re there to achieve.

Assuming you feel that having kids in the office every day compromises your office’s ability to deliver on its mission (and that’s certainly a reasonable stance to take, and one most employers take), then no matter how personally kind it might be to help her out, it’s contrary to the what you’re there to get done. And a reasonable person will understand this.

That said, you can certainly offer to be flexible with her to whatever extent is reasonable — if she needs some flexibility in her schedule, for instance, and her job allows for it. But the key here is “to whatever extent is reasonable,” and that’s the piece that her manager needs to talk with her about.

By the way, if your organization or team would like to support what your employee is doing in a more easily accommodated way, one possibility is getting involved with Foster Care to Success, a nonprofit that helps foster kids pay for college, mentors them, and provides other services. It may or may not be feasible for you, but it’s worth checking out.

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A reader writes:

I am in the office of a church (I’m the lead pastor). We have an open reception area which is open and welcoming…apparently too much! People (mainly church members) will come in the office and “camp out” for 20-30 minutes at a time, talking to our administrative assistant and anyone else who walks by. Apparently since it’s a church, people see this type of time-taking as ok, but we still have work to do. It is very difficult to get work done when this happens, the AA is frustrated, and yet no one knows quite how to handle this.

Suggestions are so appreciated!

This type of situation is harder when it arises somewhere like a church, because church members understandably see the church office as part of their community, and it’s easy for people to forget that while, yes, the church is and should be warm and welcoming, it’s also a place of business where people are trying to get work done.

So the first thing to do is to get clarity on exactly how you want to straddle that line. For instance, is it fine for people to come in and talk for a few minutes, because that’s part of the community they see the church as offering, but it needs to be cut off sooner than is currently happening? Or do you want to discourage the interruptions altogether? (And if so, how will that play with the congregation, and is it realistic?) In other words, what’s reasonable for your particular context? I suspect the answer is somewhere in the middle, but getting clear on exactly where the line is will help you figure out how to proceed.

Once you’re clear on that, have an explicit conversation with your receptionist about it. Talk about what you think is reasonable to allow, and where the line is for needing to move people along. It’s going to be crucial that you’re both on the same page about this, because if you’re thinking “a couple of minutes of chit chat is okay, but it should end there,” and she’s thinking, “I should now tell any visitors to leave,” that will end badly.

From there, a few thoughts:

1. Make the area less inviting. Seriously. Can you make it smaller, remove any couches or other comfortable seating that people might be hanging out in, etc.? The current coziness might be part of why people are hanging out there — after all, if it looks inviting, they may consider themselves invited. In fact, you may need to get rid of the extra chairs entirely. (And you might find that physical changes to the space alone can accomplish a lot.)

2. Train the receptionist in how to politely move people along, and help her think of phrases she can use. For instance, you could arm her with phrases like these:
“Excuse me, I have to finish something up that’s due shortly.”
“It was great talking with you; I should get back to work.”
“It’s so nice to see you — I apologize that I can’t talk, because I’m on deadline.”

3. Can you say something to the congregation as a whole? The mechanics of how this will work best will depend on your particular congregation — it could be something said at a Sunday service, something in a church bulletin, or even a jokey but clear notice you put in your reception area.

Of course, tone will really matter here. You don’t want the tone to be “you’re an inconvenience to us, so please get out” but rather, “we want to be welcoming, but we’re got a lot of work to get done” maybe with a side of, “It’s not just you hanging out in our lobby — it’s lots of people, and it adds up.”

What other suggestions do people have?

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