A reader writes:

I was working with a staffing agency and received a job offer through them. I was informed by phone and email that I’d been hired, with start date and start time. So, I verbally confirmed that I accept, would be quitting my current job, and would be able to start on the agreed start date, after my two-weeks notice.

Just a few days before my start date, I was notified that my offer had to be revoked because there were changes in the department. I was supposed to be replacing a woman present at my interview who was getting a promotion. But I was told that the manager of the department she was getting promoted to was new, had “jumped the gun,” and that the process could not move forward. As a result, I am unemployed. Is this legal? Doesn’t a position have to be verified by someone to officially be open? Will this reflect me negatively when I have to explain to new interviewers why I am unemployed?

What an awful situation.

Unfortunately, it’s generally legal unless the employer operated with deliberate fraudulent intent. There’s also something called “detrimental reliance,” where you’d argue that you relied to your detriment on their offer. However, courts haven’t generally sided with those claims, in part because since employment is usually at-will, you could have been fired on your first day without legal recourse. (Courts are starting to look a bit more favorably on these claims recently, particularly in California, but not enough that you could rely on it.)

But regardless of the law, it’s a really, really horrible thing to do to someone. You need to spell out for them exactly the situation they’ve put you in: “I resigned my job on your word that I had a job with you. I’m now unemployed as a result of this, in a terrible job market. What can be done to make this right?” Any employer with even a sliver of a conscience should, at a minimum, pay you severance or a settlement in this situation — not that that will make up for it. If they refuse, I’d say the next step is to have a lawyer try to negotiate on your behalf.

Meanwhile, is there any way to return to your previous job? If not, be straightforward with new employers about what happened; it shouldn’t reflect on you, and any normal person will be horrified and sympathetic.

{ 21 comments }

It’s short answer Saturday — six short answers to six short questions. Here we go…

1. How can I motivate this manager?

I work for a small business managed by a married couple, owned by the female partner. Although this is one of healthiest environments I have ever worked in, the male partner has challenges with motivation and time management. He is responsible for marketing, but rarely seems to complete any of the projects he takes on. He is responsible for several writing several reports a week and sending them back to clients, and is often a couple of weeks late on these. I often have to remind him multiple times about repeating tasks. Phone calls are often returned late or forgotten.

I have mentioned these issues individually before, framing it in the idea of each team member choosing areas of improvement and checking in on progress regularly. This idea did not get implemented. My role is technically to coordinate clients and general office duties, so I have very little official authority. The female partner seems to know of the issue and also tries to motivate him, but their personal relationship makes that challenging. Is it best to ignore problem–since I am not a manger, address it, or get out of the situation?

If it’s impacting your work, talk to him and/or your direct manager about it in that context — focusing solely on how it impacts your ability to get your job done. If it doesn’t impact you much, then this isn’t your problem to solve.

2. Withdrawing from a hiring process

My husband and I have both been job hunting, him for his first job after completing graduate school, and me for a step-up in my field of nonprofit work. He’s been looking locally (since I’m currently employed), while I’ve been looking nationally, since there are few open jobs in my field. My husband has just received and accepted a job offer (yay!), but now I’m not sure what to do with the companies I’ve been interviewing with. I am waiting on a final decision from one company, and just completed a first-round interview with another. Both are great jobs, but neither is appealing enough to trump my husband’s offer. Should I notify them now that I am no longer available/interested and withdraw from the process, or should I wait until they get in touch about the next steps? When we do talk, should I tell them the reason that I’m withdrawing myself from consideration?

Assuming your husband’s new job is a 100% certainty, send an email to the companies you’ve talked with, letting them know that you’re withdrawing from the process. Explaining why and thanking them for talking with you will be good for the relationship in case you ever cross paths again. It’s more polite to do this now rather than waiting for them to contact you about next step, since they may be making decisions premised upon you still being in the running. (For instance, maybe they’re only going to move three candidates forward to final interviews and reject everyone else; if they know you’re withdrawing, your spot can go to someone else.)

3. Taking on someone else’s work

An assistant manager in my department is retiring in January. I have been trained and literally doing all his work plus my own for 5 months now. I have a strong feeling that his job title will not be replaced, but instead I will have his work added to my job title which is close to simply a clerk and my salary reflects that title. While I’m not looking for a power trip or title of supervisor I am looking for a decent raise on top of my yearly raise and to have my salary cap raised as well. Is this asking too much? How long should I wait to discuss this with my manager? Any advice on how to go about it and what to say? I was thinking of waiting for my yearly review when we sit down and discuss my performance in the summer.

Personally, I’d raise it now rather than waiting for your performance review because I wouldn’t want to have to wonder about it until then, but either way is fine. When you bring it up, say, “What are the plans for replacing Alan when he leaves in January?” If they say they’re not planning to replace him and you’ll continue doing his work, say, “Would I become assistant manager then?” If not, explain that you’d like to be paid appropriately for taking on his work. (I’d ask for the promotion too, but that’s your call.)

4. Job changed during interview

During a recent interview, the hiring manager informed me that the job title and description had been changed and I was actually interviewing for a different position. Is this normal practice? I think it would benefit both of us if they sent a new job description to me ahead of time. I was not given one at the interview either. This has happened to me three times in the last 6 months. It is a little difficult to talk about how my skills fit the position when I don’t know the requirements for the position. So frustrating.

It’s the sign of a disorganized and thoughtless manager, at a minimum. If it happens again, immediately ask them to explain the new position to you and the reasons for the change. It’s fine to let your demeanor and questions convey that you need information in order to decide if it’s a position you’re interested in, rather than being someone who’s just standing around in a brothel line-up waiting to be picked.

5. When an employer reaches out just to find out your salary requirements

I recently applied for a job and was contacted by the HR department. I was really excited and thought I had finally scored an interview. However, I was asked what my salary requirements were…and that was it. I was told the information would be passed along to the department and I would be contacted if I was selected for an interview. Is that normal procedure?

I stated what I thought was a reasonable figure and that it was negotiable. The HR representative asked if the figure I named was the lowest I would go. I stated again that I was flexible, but now I’m worried I requested a ridiculous, astronomical amount for the position and it took me out of the running. For the record, this is a financial aid officer position at a college and the amount I requested was based upon what I have come across on similar job postings in the area and my 3 years’ experience…$35k.

It’s not unusual, although it’s obnoxious because makes candidates feel like they’re in a bidding war to see who will go the lowest. I don’t know what geographic area you’re in, but for any area I’m familiar with, that salary request is far from unreasonable. You can also what their range is, or follow up your answer with, “Is that in the ballpark of what you’ve budgeted?”

6. Companies that resist promoting from within

Why are companies (both large and small) so averse to promoting from within? I’ve been in the workforce for 25+ years and it seems one has to get a new job in order to move up the ladder. Many, many people I know and have queried have experienced the same thing. Do you have any tips to avoid this?

Plenty of companies do promote from within; you just need to find them. Before taking a job, ask questions about how often they promote internally, and what the promotion history has been like for the position you’d be taking on. You can also ask what people in that position typically have gone on to do next.

There are some positions that aren’t especially suited for promoting people up, and some companies that aren’t inclined to. Make sure you know if you’re signing up for either.

{ 24 comments }

A reader writes:

I’ve been out of school and in the workforce full time for about four years now. In this time, I don’t feel that I’ve had even one job that adequately trained new employees. The first full-time job I had was in a new hotel, and everyone was trained pretty well on how to use the computer system. However, no one was provided much information about the hotel or the hotel’s rules/procedures, which often resulted in not knowing where things were located, how to answer questions from prospective or current guests, or how to handle certain situations. Employees who were hired after the big training session prior to the hotel’s opening were not trained well on the computer system or the hotel. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the vast majority of employees at this hotel would get fired. I was the only one who lasted over a year, and one of the only ones who left voluntarily.

However, I did get fired at another hotel around two months after starting. Training consisted of my showing up and immediately being thrown behind the front desk with another employee who was expected to do his job while I observed him and did what he did. This was a very busy hotel downtown in a major city that people love to visit. I tried to mitigate this type of training by asking him anything I could think of that would be important, just based on my previous hotel experience. But I still ended up getting fired when money was missing on my shift and I hadn’t followed some protocol in dropping the money. This was a protocol that I’d pretty much never followed because no one had pointed out that I hadn’t been following it in the two months I’d worked there. With an unclear training program, I don’t see how I would know otherwise that there was XYZ I wasn’t doing correctly.

Skipping to my new job, I am currently in yet another version of being thrown to the wolves. We provide tech support over the phone to businesses, and I ended up on the phone my 2nd day because I was told the best way to learn the job is just to do it. They are kind of forcing me to answer nearly every call–it’s not as if I started off doing a few. We’re not getting a ton of calls, either, and the person I am working with on my “training” agreed with me that this is not really a good thing. More than half of the phone calls we get are actually calls for other employees, which means it is taking me a while to encounter all the tech issues others who work there are experienced with handling. It has been three weeks now, and I still can’t handle the majority of calls by myself. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about this since they still consider me to be in training, but I do because I did get fired once before for, what I feel was at least in part due to, inadequate training.

Am I off-base, or are many employers doing a half-bad, if not completely bad, job of training new employees (and then ultimately placing the blame on those employees)? Is there hope for finding a job where you will be trained well? How do you think new employees typically should be trained? I know this is a long message, but I would really appreciate your thoughts.

Yes, lots of employers suck at training!

It just so happens that we have a frequent commenter, Charles Trimmer, who is a professional trainer, so I asked him if he’d like to respond to your question. Here is Charles’ response:

This is more of a management issue than a training issue, but I’ll answer from a trainer’s point of view.

Good management understands that employees do not show up on the first day and hit the ground running at 60 mph. Employees will need to learn something about how things are done in their organization. But sadly, many employers have the attitude that training is a throw-away item. Yes, we would love to train everyone,” they say,“but we don’t have the money or we cannot afford to give them the time away from work.” Poor management sees time away from work, even for training, as lost productivity. 

Clearly, sticking a new person on a busy desk on the first day is not training – it doesn’t matter that there was a more experienced person there. How on earth was he suppose to explain things to you while also trying to service the customers? Unfortunately, it is not at all an untypical situation. Obviously, it would have been far better for the manager to require you to show up to work for the first time when things are typically slower so that the experienced employee would have the time to explain things thoroughly. However, managers have to deal with the logistics of who is available and when, so logistics often trump common sense.

Common sense tells us that a properly trained employee is far more productive than an untrained and uninformed employee. Good managers know this to be true and do everything they can to see that their employees are given the tools they need to do their job. Those tools include not just new hire training, but also include follow up and continuing training as needed.

Good managers make sure that employees are starting work with all the tools they need. Often times this requires the employee to make a commitment to the training as well. Case in point:  several years ago I trained at a company that had three shifts. Those new hires who were going to be working the night shift (5:00 PM to midnight) still had to be trained. Since there were never more than 1 or 2 new night staffers starting at the same time, it was understood that if they wanted this night-shift position they had to attend training during the day and stay on the day shift until the supervisor okayed them to move to night shift. I’m sure that there were a few folks who couldn’t do the day shift at all and so lost out on this position. However, those employees who could and were willing to make the extra sacrifice to work the day shift for a while were more likely to be hired for this night-shift position.

Is there any hope of finding a job where you will be trained well? 

Well, aside from exceptions where there are government-imposed training requirements (like health care), the answer depends upon having good management in place. But this doesn’t mean that you, as an employee or job seeker, are totally out of luck. You can ask about training during a job interview: “What sort of training does the organization give its new hires?  Is there follow-up or continuing training for existing employees?”

Lack of training can also be improved by current employees speaking up and telling management, “We need X to do our jobs better, and X is better training.”  Or, “Yes, the new computer system looks like it might help streamline billing in the long run, but can we have someone shows us the proper way to use it?”

Or, as an existing employee, you could speak up and suggest to the manager that you would like to help out with training the new hires. (You could start out with small steps such as offering to create quick reference cards or guides, something simple for new hires to use.) But be sure that you know what you are getting into –training is not for everyone and this suggestion doesn’t help you as a new hire.

Of course, it would be nice if you didn’t need to speak up to ask for what I consider to be the basics. But, unfortunately, employees do need to give such feedback to managers. After all, many managers are, themselves, often promoted without management training. And so the cycle goes . . .

One last word of caution (and it certainly isn’t because you are doing this; in fact, your letter suggests the opposite): be sure that you are serious that the lack of training is the real issue and that you are not using “lack of training” as an excuse for not following through on your job  – good managers will see right through that excuse. Finally, no matter how poor the training is, you, the adult learner, have to make the most of it. Until all managers see training as a “worthwhile investment” and not just as a “cost,” I’m afraid that I really don’t have better answers.

{ 40 comments }

A reader writes:

I am only a few years out of school, working my first long-term job. I’ve recently been doing some above-and-beyond work for my employer, and a senior coworker mentioned that this sort of work is often rewarded with a bonus. I’ve never received a bonus before, and I’m hoping you would be willing to discuss a little Bonus Etiquette 101.

Am I expected to write a thank-you note for the bonus, or is an in-person thank-you enough? Am I allowed/expected to discuss it with coworkers, or is it taboo like salary? If I accept the bonus, does that mean this work won’t be considered for my next raise? Bonuses aren’t supposed to be negotiated like salaries, are they? For what it’s worth, bonuses aren’t discussed in our HR documents, so I don’t think my company has any official policy on bonuses.

There’s some variety in how employers handle bonuses, but in general here’s how they work:

* You do not need to write a thank-you note. (Remember, the idea is that you’ve earned the bonus; it’s not a favor or a gift.) However, you should thank your boss in-person for recognizing the work you did. A thank-you is good so that you don’t come across as if you’re unmoved by it or that you take it as par for the course; show you appreciate it, and you’re more likely to keep getting them.

* There are some offices where it’s normal to discuss bonuses with others, but plenty where it’s absolutely not. Err on the side of assuming that you shouldn’t, unless you see otherwise in your workplace (although even then, I still wouldn’t go around talking about it, but I’m private about that stuff).

* Generally speaking, work that earned you a bonus should still be considered for your next raise — in that it contributes to an overall picture of how you’re doing. Keep in mind that raises aren’t generally tit for tat — “you did project X and Y so we’re giving you a $5,000 raise” — but rather about your performance as a whole. Bonuses are more often linked to specific performance measures (“you wildly exceeded your sales goal”) or events (“you spent three months working crazy hours to make sure our conference was a success”).

* You don’t typically negotiate a bonus, unless it’s part of the overall compensation structure that you’re negotiating as part of a job offer. A bonus is generally a way of saying, “Hey, you’re doing a really great job.” If I gave someone a bonus and they tried to negotiate it, I’d be really turned off — don’t do that. (It’s fine to negotiate your salary itself though, at whatever point that discussion happens.)

By the way, for your own happiness and job satisfaction, don’t assume you’re getting a bonus simply based on what your coworker said. She might not be right, and if you start expecting it, you risk being disappointed or even resentful if you don’t. So don’t get too focused on getting this, and let it be a nice surprise if it happens.

{ 18 comments }

You asked for it, so I’m delivering it:  the very first open thread ever on Ask a Manager. For anyone unfamiliar with open threads, it means that the comment section on this post is open for discussion on anything you want to talk about (unlike on regular posts, where I generally try to keep the conversation focused on the topic at hand).

If you have a question you want me to answer, emailing me is still your best bet, but this is a chance to talk to other readers. And if you dislike this experiment, come back later in the day; I’ll have a regular post later on.

And just because I want to share this and have nowhere to put stuff like this, here’s a letter I got from a reader today:

Alison, I have a phone interview tomorrow! I have applied for dozens of jobs in the past few months with not one single response. I finally changed how I was writing my cover letter and followed some of the ideas you have posted. I just got a call from a guy who said he LOVED MY COVER LETTER! He thought it was “delightful!” 

Cross your fingers. My husband is ready to quit his job this second. One of us has to have a job.

Cover letters rule.

{ 471 comments }

A reader writes:

I’ve encountered a sticky situation. I have been at my current job for about 8 months and it’s time for everyone’s annual review. I’ve been asked by the director of my organization (my boss’s boss) to provide written feedback on my boss. This feedback is meant to be used in my boss’s annual review. In theory, it seems like a potentially useful opportunity to improve the organization. However, in practice, I’m not sure if it’s possible to do it gracefully.

A little bit of context: The director and my boss have worked together for many years and are good friends. However, I have a tense working relationship with my boss, as do many people in the organization, and my boss has been asked to attend additional management training based on previous feedback. From what I’ve witnessed, my boss does not handle criticism well. Given our tense relationship and my status as a relatively new employee, I’m extremely reluctant to do anything that might make our relationship more challenging, such as providing criticism of my boss. I am especially reluctant to do so in writing to someone who is apparently my boss’s good friend. The director has promised that my comments will be kept anonymous, but I am the only person my boss supervises, so I am not sure that my comments will be truly anonymous. Other staff members have told me that they have given feedback that was used directly in their bosses’ performance reviews and so it did not remain anonymous.

So, I have a couple of questions: (1) Is it common to be asked to give feedback on your boss to his or her boss? (2) What should I do? I don’t feel like I can give much positive feedback (and indeed, I am job hunting as a result of this difficult relationship with my boss). But I feel like simply giving a positive review, which is what several of my coworkers have suggested, would be a lie. I really just want to decline to respond, but then don’t want to be seen as difficult or “not a team player.” What are your thoughts?

Good organizations will solicit feedback on how their managers are doing, but there are a few problems with how this one is doing it: First, it would be better if your boss’s boss sat down and talked with you, rather than asking you to put it in writing — which is notorious for making people balk at giving candid feedback. She should realize that she’s more likely to get candid thoughts if she simply talks with you.

Second, they’re apparently telling you it will be kept anonymous, when in practice they’re not quite handling it that way. It’s probably “anonymous” in that they’re not attaching people’s names to their comments, but it doesn’t sound anonymous in terms of what actually happens — it’s presented in a way that makes it pretty clear where it came from. A more effective way of doing this would be for your boss’s boss to use the feedback to inform her thinking and synthesize it into her overall take on how your boss manages, rather than to just quote from it.

Alternately, another path is for the organization (and your boss’s boss) to give managers very, very clear messages about the importance of getting candid feedback from the people they manage, and the organization’s support for that feedback process and intolerance of any weirdness from your manager toward employees as a result. That’s a trickier path, but it can be a really effective one when it’s done right.

In any case, as for what you should do … If you’d actually like to give real feedback, one option is to say you’d be more comfortable doing it in person. But whether you should give honest feedback or not really depends on your knowledge of (a) your boss and how she operates, and (b) your boss’s boss and how she operates. If your boss is known to be reasonable and capable of handling feedback like an adult, and if her boss is known to be reasonable and capable of handling sensitive information delicately, then you might want to (assuming that you’re at least somewhat motivated to try to improve things, either for yourself or the organization). But if either of those factors is absent, I wouldn’t. (And in that case, you could simply give a small amount of bland feedback or just say nothing specific comes to mind.)

And I wouldn’t feel guilty if that’s your decision either — organizations that get useful feedback from employees are the ones who are thoughtful about creating the conditions where employees can safely give it. If they don’t bother to, it’s not your burden to take on.

{ 51 comments }

Head over to my post at U.S. News & World Report to find out if you’re committing any of the seven deadly interview sins.

{ 27 comments }

A reader writes:

I am a middle-aged mom who is trying her hardest to re-enter the workforce. I worked part-time when my youngest was in high school three years ago for a year and half, but my job got eliminated. I went back to college for a year and received my certificate as a Medical Secretary.

I have applied at a health system (this includes hospital and clinics; they are combined) for about a year and half, even back when I was in school. I got one interview in 2010 before I went back to school, but although the HR lady said I interviewed quite well, they let someone within have the position. I have not been able to get back through the gate yet. I volunteered in medical records at this hospital, working toward a credit in college this past fall, and the volunteer coordinator told me I could use her as a reference.

Well, HR did call me this past October, and I know I sounded nervous and messed up. I still kept applying whenever I saw a job posted on the website. But when I did not get a interview for a job I was very qualified for, I sent the HR lady an email asking if she would mind giving me some feedback. Was there something my resume did not have? She emailed me back and said it wasn’t me, that they just have a strong pool of applicants with specific medical experience the hiring managers were looking for.

Last week, I was in one of the doctor’s clinics as a patient, and I happened to ask the front office assistant there (this is the job title I have been applying for at various clinics within this health system) where she worked before she came there and about her clinical experience. She told me that she worked as a administrative assistant at a tire place. No clinical experience at all. She had been hired within the past few months. I have had previous hospital training and experience before our family and have medical office schooling and volunteer experience. I didn’t know what to make of this.

The HR lady obviously misled me, and it really hurt my feelings because I have applied there probably 10 times over the past year. I came home at sent the HR lady a very nice and super polite email stating that I was a patient there and that I found out someone was recently hired without any clinical experience and it made me reevaluate this health system as a whole. 

Well, she e-mailed me back saying, “Thank you for your email. Moving forward, I will contact my managers and see if there is a way we can elevate your application against the other applications being considered.” But three days later, the one job I had applied for was filled.

I think maybe my problem is one hiring manager who I interviewed with in 2010 ( I had a panel interview with four hiring managers). She is the practice manager when I go for my OB-GYN exams, and I had to go over her head as a patient there regarding insurance. She does things when she wants to and it took her a month to get around to handling my insurance concern. I think she may have resented me going over her head. I also think the HR lady just sent me that email back because now she knows my family is a patient there and for public relations. Or maybe she thought I might tell people I felt discriminated against because I am middle-aged or I had more experience and was not given a fair chance to interview. I just don’t know. Is this unusual? If I see anything else posted on their website for a position, should I even bother to apply or I am blackballed?

Oh my. I think you’re operating with some fundamental misunderstandings about how hiring works. I’m not sure where to start, so in no particular order:

* The HR person gave you a very typical response when you asked for feedback — explaining that they simply had more qualified applicants. This is very often true, but it’s also very often a polite way of saying “we didn’t think you were a strong candidate.”

* Complaining to HR that they hired someone who you don’t think is as qualified as you are and that you’re “reevaluating” their organization is basically like blackballing yourself. You look difficult and cranky and like you’re not willing to take no for an answer, and no reasonable employer is going to invite those traits on to their staff.

* There’s a bit of a sense of entitlement in your email. You’re not entitled to a “fair chance” to interview. You’re not entitled to tell them that you question their hiring decisions and still expect them to consider you a serious candidate. You’re not even entitled to candid feedback about your candidacy. They can interview and hire anyone they want, and they don’t owe you an explanation. If you act as though they do, you’ll only succeed in ensuring that they won’t hire you.

* As a side note, I cleaned up a bunch of grammatical errors in your email to me. If you’re not proofreading your materials, that alone could have been the initial reason they weren’t interested in hiring you.

Now, is it possible that the practice manager at your OB-GYN office is standing in your way? Maybe. But based on the above, you’re far more in your own way than she is.

At this point, you need to move on. Don’t contact this HR person anymore, and instead focus on applying other places. You can continue to apply at this company if you want to, but I’d be surprised if anything comes of it, at least for a while.

And going forward, keep in mind that most employers have tons of well-qualified candidates applying to work for them. That means that lots of qualified candidates aren’t even going to be interviewed. You can’t take that personally or try to protest it, because if you do, you’ll move yourself from the “qualified but didn’t make the cut this time” pool to the “no way in hell, ever” pool.

{ 406 comments }

A reader writes:

I had a second interview with a company last week and it went horribly, in my estimation. There were a bunch of technical questions, and I did my best to answer them to the best of my abilities, but for the most part, I did not know the answers and I told them so. The interview was to last about an hour and it lasted about 20 minutes, so I figured it wasn’t a good fit and that was that.

Fast forward to today. They asked for my references. I, of course, sent them back immediately. Now, I’m scared that if they offer me the job it will be to do a bunch of things I cannot do. Though they are aware of my shortcomings, I’m willing to learn and do pick up on things very quickly, but I don’t want to disappoint after 30 days and have them find that I am not a fit. The other thing that scares me is that I am completely versed on a system that no one at their company knows anything about and in the back of my mind, I think they could possibly offer me the job to pick my brain about that system and once they get their information they won’t need me anymore.

I haven’t been offered a position yet, but don’t even know how to react if it happens. I almost want to act surprised if they do call to get some sort of answer as to why they took me after not being able to answer the questions in the interview. Any advice would be helpful. If they were up front and said they are hiring me because of my knowledge in system X, but while I taught them about that they would train me, that is one thing, but if they just offer me the job without any speak of the “bad interview,” I would come away a bit afraid.

I’m fascinated by the HBO late-night show “Cathouse,” which is about a real-life, legal brothel in Nevada. There’s tons of fascinating weirdness to love about the show, but one of the oddest parts is this thing called “the line-up,” which is where a customer arrives and all the women currently on-duty line up inside the front door so that he can choose one of them. This is a one-way selection process; the customer makes a choice, the women wait to be chosen, end of story.

Your letter makes me think of that because you’re talking about interviewing as if it’s a one-way selection process too. But it’s not — far from it. And if you treat it like it is, you’ll dramatically increase your chances of ending up in a job that you won’t do well in or be happy with. (You also won’t come across as well to the employer, interestingly.)

You should see all hiring processes as two-way streets: The employer is interviewing and assessing you, and you should be interviewing and assessing them right back. It’s not about you just waiting for them to decide if they want you or not; you also need to decide if you want them.

So in this case, that means that you’ll ask these questions that are on your mind. Ideally, you would have asked in the interview: “I’m noticing that you’re asking a lot about X and Y. Is that a substantial portion of the job?” and “How important is it that the person in the job have technical knowledge in these areas from the beginning, versus being able to pick it up through training and learning on the job?”

But even though you didn’t ask then, it’s not too late — if you get a job offer, ask about it then:  ”During our interview, you asked a lot of technical questions and X and Y, and I wasn’t familiar with many of them. How much of the job will those areas account for? Is it something I’d need to pick up on my own or is there any training?”  And so forth — and anything else that you’re wondering about too.  Ask as many questions as you need to until you’re satisfied that you fully understand what you’d be signing up for, and never, ever accept a job offer until that part is done.

You are not in a brothel line-up. You’re in a two-way business discussion.

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It’s tiny answer Tuesday — seven short answers to seven short questions! Here we go…

1. Work email account after you’re fired

My husband was fired a week ago. He no longer has access to his work email, of course, but his boss does and is reading incoming emails. What is the standard protocol?

This is normal. When an employee leaves, work-related email will often continue to come into the person’s account, and there are two ways of dealing with it: (1) Set up an auto-reply that explains the person is no longer with the company (ideally directing them to someone else), or (2) Have someone monitor the email and respond to or forward anything that needs to be dealt with. I generally have done the second, in part so that people don’t have to write twice. This is one of many reasons why it’s smart not to use your work email address for personal things; the company owns that account.

2. Using current manager as a reference for a second job

Is it appropriate to ask a current employer for a reference for a second job? My current job is part-time and I’m looking to aquire a second for this coming summer. Since my current job is the first I’ve ever had, I don’t have many references to draw upon and the ones I do have are mostly character references. I am on very good terms with my supervisor and manager and feel that they would make great references. However, will they see it as a conflict of interest with respect to scheduling and availability?

I’d talk to your manager and tell her that you’re planning to look for a second job for the summer and how you’ll ensure that it doesn’t impact your availability for your primary job. If she doesn’t object, then ask if she’d be willing to be a reference. If she does object, you want to know that before you take the second job.

3. Mentioning weight loss in a cover letter

I’m currently mired in the job-hunt process and had a question concerning cover letters. I graduated from college two years ago, but due to some family problems I returned home a year ago. By the time I got home, I was morbidly obese and I’ve spent the last year losing 110 pounds. While I did some volunteer work and part-time jobs, I haven’t added any serious credentials onto my resume. However, I do think my weight-loss journey shows determination, a must-do attitude and resilience. Is that something I could add in my cover letter or is it too personal?

I wouldn’t include it. It’s not relevant to work, and so it’s likely to come across as naive. (Congratulations though!)

4. Deferring an internship offer

I’m a recent graduate from college, and through an acquaintance of an acquaintance, I have received an internship offer (yay!). I have already committed myself to working at my old summer job for two months. I think it’s still reasonable to do the internship afterwards, since they’re all temporary. How should I respond saying, Yes, but in the future, please?

Just be straightforward: “I’d love to accept, but I’m committed to working another position in June and July. Would it be possible to set a start date for August?”

5. Company hasn’t mentioned paying for my interview travel expenses

I am in the process of looking for a job on the East Coast (I live in the midwest right now). I had a first interview and was called back for a second. The company has made no offer to pay for my flights. Is this common? Can I ask for reimbursement from them? Or should I just let it go?

Yes, it’s common. In this market, when there are plenty of good local candidates, there’s little incentive for employers to pay to bring in candidates from out of town, and sometimes paying your own way is the cost of getting an out-of-state job. However, this is the second time they’re asking you to fly out? It’s completely reasonable to say something like: “Since this is the second time I’ll be flying out to interview, do you reimburse travel expenses?” They might say yes, or they might say no, but it’s reasonable to at least ask.

6. Applying for a job at your alma mater

Out of curiosity, I checked my alma mater’s job postings. There were a couple job listings that I find very interesting. As an alum, is there any preferential treatment for being so? Bonus points? Alternative method for application?

Not that I know of, but I’ve never worked in academia so I might be wrong. I’d just mention in your cover letter that you’re an alum. You could ask your alumni office if there’s anything else you should be doing.

7. Overly casual job interviewer

I recently had a job interview with a really great company in the beer industry. I’m still waiting for a response, but I left a bit confused! I had a phone interview on Monday morning, was asked to come in on Tuesday for a face-to-face with the hiring manager, which I accepted. The hiring manager was very nice; we had great rapport, the conversation was free-flowing, not question/answer, and there was focus on my resume and accomplishments. I felt really good about that, but I was taken aback by his lack of note-taking and body language. If he could have put his feet up on his desk, he probably would have, this is how comfortable he was. That confused me. I felt I was getting mixed signals and I’m not really sure how to take that. Is my resume strong enough that he does not need to take notes? Or did it just get dumped after I left? Was his body language a sign of his feeling comfortable with me, or a sign disinterest? Or am I reading too much into it because I am new to this industry? They work very hard, but they are also very laid back.

You’re reading too much into it. Lots of interviewers don’t take notes, and lots are extremely casual. Keep in mind, though, that it probably reflects the culture you’d be working in, so factor that into your thinking about whether you’d like the job.

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