weirdest office food stories: potluck mishaps and other times food at work went wrong

by Alison Green on November 16, 2017

With the season of office potlucks and other food events approaching, I want to hear about your weirdest office food experiences.

Was there a scandal over a store-bought entry in the office bake-off? Did a coworker angrily eat seven ice cream bars in 30 minutes to make sure he got his “fair share”? Did your coworker steal your spicy food, get sick from it, and then blame you? Share in the comments.

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  1. BadPlanning*

    They just posted a bake off contest at work and one of the rules was handmade — can’t be from the store. Maybe the planner reads this blog…

    2. BlueWolf*

      Haha, we’re having a bake sale for charity at work. I think it specified “homemade”, but as it’s not a contest I’m sure it doesn’t matter whose home it was made in.

    3. Anon Good Nurse*

      I was once made (i.e., it was mandatory) to participate in a handmade bake off when I was 34 weeks pregnant with twins and on partial bed rest. I did not put in a strong effort and was not surprised when I didn’t win.

      I was strongly tempted to refuse, but they had recently fired a woman on FMLA who was getting chemotherapy (because she wasn’t the same person as she was before she got cancer). I decided not to push my luck although I understand she got a nice settlement from the company.

      2. LKW*

        Mandatory baking events? Please tell me this was for a company specializing in recipe development because I don’t cook and can’t imagine being required to do so.

        1. Retail Lifer*

          I would have walked in there with something unrecognizable and burnt to a crisp. I don’t bake and you will not make me put in an effort.

          1. Gabriela*

            I really dislike mandatory potlucks. I’m a fully mediocre cook and I ALWAYS end up taking home whatever I made (as do 75% of my coworkers, because EVERYONE making a dish for 40 people is TOO MUCH FOOD) and wasting food, money and time.

            1. Life is Good*

              I never eat anything leftover from food I have to make for work! Ewwww, all those people with their hands all over it. In the garbage it goes. I’m not a clean freak, but food safety is up there on my list of stuff to be careful with.

            2. WillowSunstar*

              I buy cut veggies and dip from the store for potlucks. They’re healthy, and most people on diets/and or with food allergies can at least eat the veggies without the dip. Offices never realize how many people on diets or with food allergies there really are, who can’t eat their co-worker’s hot dish for whatever reason.

              1. Dick Butt*

                I hate eating healthy, but I am all over veggies and dip. So satisfying crunch crunch crunch. So, thank you.

                1. Alexandra Duane*

                  I forego the dip in any group event – too many double-dippers. Most people spoon a dollop of dip onto their plate, but I always see one or two clueless ones dipping their veggies or chips directly into the dip – and double-dipping, of course.

          2. Snark*

            I can do it if I have to, but I hate it. I’m a living example of the adage that there are cooks and there are bakers, but there are very few cooks who are also bakers.

            1. Trig*

              I wasn’t aware of this adage, but it is SO ACCURATE for me and my partner! I love baking, but am not much of a cook. He much prefers cooking, and claims baking is magic where making one tiny mistake makes it blow up in your face. He once took an hour to make pancake batter. An hour! Meanwhile I stand paralyzed not knowing how much of a spice to put in the stir fry, because if I use too much its going to be inedible but if I use not enough it’s going to be bland and WHO KNOWS where on the spectrum the recipe writer’s tastes fall.

              (I’m getting better about experimenting with cooking, but after the pancake incident, he’s sworn off baking forever.)

              1. Snark*

                My mantra when cooking is: worst case scenario, you order a pizza. And I love pizza. Pizza is great. So if I really botch it, my punishment is cheesy carbs with pasta in it. OH NO BRER FOX! It got me over the risk-taking hump pretty well.

              2. Bryce*

                Yeah, I can follow a baking recipe great, but my cooking skills pretty much amount to pasta and “put meat in oven, wait until done, take out of oven. If feeling fancy add potatoes in there too.”

            2. Adlib*

              +100! Yes, two very different things. Are you a baker? That seems like it would be right up your alley as you’re a scientist (although an environmental one).

              1. Snark*

                Nope, I’m a cook! I hated lab work and – being an ecologist – I’m all about process and observation.

            3. Liane*

              College Daughter, told me that one of her (guy) friends said most of the girls he knew could bake but not cook, and she agrees she is one of them.

            4. Annie Moose*

              Oooh, this is me! I don’t know that I’m a great cook, but I enjoy it and I can make food I’m willing to serve to other people, but when it comes to baking, things just rarely turn out right for me, unless I make it from a box!

            5. Free Meerkats*

              I’ll blow my own horn here, but I’m both.

              Though I do enjoy the baking more than cooking, it’s Science where cooking is Art. I even made a successful angel food cake last week on a day with 80% humidity. I had a dozen egg whites I needed to use leftover from making a batch of eggnog to age for Christmastime.

              1. Julia*

                Same here. I’m a passable cook (I always like what I make, but my repertoire isn’t huge and mostly improvised), and I like to bake. Unfortunately, our apartment here in Japan doesn’t have an oven. :(

              1. Chocolate Teapot*

                Baker implies using a (baking) oven, and cook would mean using a hob/stove/other source of heat. Also, when you bake something, it means putting it in an over and leaving it, whereas cooking often means stirring something together over heat.

          3. MashaKasha*

            I bake occasionally, but a mandatory work bake event where there is a possibility of losing my job for not participating, would’ve sounded like a perfect occasion for the cheapest bake mix I could find in a discount store.

        2. Magenta Sky*

          Last place I lived, I didn’t have kitchen privileges.

          In any event, if it’s a mandatory part of the job, it’s on the clock. And not paying required overtime in this state is pretty seriously illegal.

            1. ggg*

              Never underestimate the power of a storebought cookie! Someone once brought a beautifully decorated, delicious, homemade cake to a bakeoff, and it lost to one of those desserts that are a mix of crumbled-up storebought products in a baking pan. (Which, to be fair, was pretty good.)

              There was no prize. But to this day we grumble about the injustice.

              1. Louise*

                This happened to me! After winning with a bourbon cheesecake the year before, I spent probably $40 on a recipe for a boozy chocolate cake (the alcohol baked out, but the flavor remained). It was beautiful and delicious and the frosting was to die for. And it lost to “dirty pie” aka cool whip and oreos layered in a pyrex. And I never baked for work again.

        2. Annie Moose*

          This is what you do: Get a bag of pretzels. Get a bag of Rolos. Get a bag of M&Ms.

          Lay the pretzels out on a pan and place one Rolo on each. Put them in a 350F oven for a couple of minutes until the Rolos get a little soft. Take them out and gently press an M&M into the top of each. (you can use pecans or something to make them a little more grown-up, but who doesn’t love M&Ms?)

          BAM. They take ten minutes. They’re delicious. They’re a hit at parties.

          1. paul*

            I just put the pretzels on wax paper, and sprinkle with chocolate chips and caramel until it gets all melty then pull it out.

            God I’m on an eternal conference call (AT&T broke our telephone software) and reading this thread while eating a protein bar. So very hungry

          2. Jenna*

            I’d need to check to make sure that the Rollos are gluten free, but, if I used the gluten free pretzels from TJ’s?
            Hmmmmm…..

          4. Tongue Cluckin' Grammarian*

            Window pane pretzels, and candy melts (Walmart has ’em in the party section).

            Lay out the pretzels on a cookie sheet and set a candy melt on each one. Bake in a super low-heat oven until the candy melts are a bit melty (and thus stick to the pretzels). Done!
            Ridiculously huge hit at the office.

          5. Caitlin*

            My mom doesn’t bake. She’s more of a cook. But when she had to make treats for my/my brother’s elementary school/scout events, she did seven layer bars: graham cracker crumbs, condensed milk, shredded coconut, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips and walnuts. Alternate each layer with condensed milk, throw the whole thing in the oven and done. All that said, while I love baking, I wouldn’t like the idea of being forced to do it.

      4. clow*

        can they even legally do that? how do they get away with it? The longer I am in the workforce, the more I think employees have no rights

        1. Anna*

          Technically, not they cannot and if they made it obvious that’s why they let them go…Well, I think a call to the state labor department might not be a waste of time.

        2. Jaintenn*

          No, they can’t legally do either of those things. My state doesn’t have a family leave regulation, but does have pregnancy discrimination regulations. As I understand it, they were quite open about their reasons.

          They get away with it because people don’t know their rights and/or don’t exercise them.

          The new contract has very strict attendance rules, and employees have been told no PTO will be approved until X date d/t contractually required staffing levels. I guess that is being interpreted as a higher priority that the employees’ federal rights.

          There is another pregnant employee, who decided to hide her condition for the interview. I wonder what the reaction will be when she calls to say “I need to take the next several weeks off, as I have just given birth.”

        3. clow*

          Seems like these sorts of things are no win, if you hide the pregnancy and get hired, you will have a hard time taking time off, if you dont hide it, you wont be hired at all.
          As far as calling the labor department, i wonder honestly, how useful that is. I had a friend who contacted them because her boss didnt pay his employees for a month and she never got a response. I don’t really know how effective they are at actually enforcing laws.

          1. zapateria la bailarina*

            i would imagine it’s more effective to go to an employment lawyer and have them write a letter to the employer

          2. whingedrinking*

            Sometimes the threat is adequate. I once got fired from a job without cause, and just by going to the employer and saying “either I get my severance or I get labour involved” was enough for him to cough it up. The amount of of money probably wouldn’t have been enough to make the whole process worthwhile for me – but it definitely wouldn’t have been for him.

      5. It happens all the time...*

        I was fired during cancer treatment for “not being in the office enough.” The days I missed? Every other Friday I was in the hospital for chemo. I was at work every other day, feeling pretty poorly, but working nonetheless. Aside from the boss telling me he wouldn’t track my sick days and wouldn’t “penalize me for being sick,” I don’t think I even HAD used up all of my PTO yet when he fired me.

        No settlement — too small a business for federal law, and boss surprise-fired me over the phone on a weekend to ensure I couldn’t take any documentation with me, so no lawyer wanted to touch a state-law case.

      7. Changed*

        If that had happened at my work, I’d have gone for making a point. Think pulling a single lumpy pancake wrapped in torn kitchen roll out of my pocket and tossing it on the table while staring the organizer straight in the eye. “Made that myself”.

      1. Jeff*

        That is like I used to say, “It’s all homegrown! The only difference is who’s home it was grown at.”

      2. Red 5*

        I used to work in a bakery inside a grocery store. Once in a while a customer would figure out a lot of our stuff comes in frozen and is baked in store and would have a FIT that it wasn’t “homemade.”

        I always had to bite my tongue to keep from asking who they thought lived in the grocery store.

        (Seriously though, all the dough and stuff that came in was good stuff, and the company didn’t truck it from very far, but nobody has any idea what it would take to mix bread and cakes and muffins from scratch in store and bake them there to also sell them there. The machinery alone would double the size of the bakery, and we already had walk-in ovens).

        1. Em*

          I’m a pastry chef that took a job in a grocery store bakery not knowing what I was getting into. (I had just moved to a new town and it was a block away–just convenient income while I found a real bakery job.) I transferred to the barista counter because I kept getting sick from practically living inside the walk-in freezer. There wasn’t even a small mixer in our department just one proofer and one walk-in oven.

    6. TootsNYC*

      well, for a contest, I’d hope so!

      I organized a cookie swap for Christmas at one of my jobs once, and the rule was, “If you’re going to bring something, it has to be food.” We specifically encouraged people to bring anything–chips, pretzels, store-bought, homemade.”

      We didn’t even say, “you can’t eat if you don’t bring.”

      it was much more a cookie party than anything.

    7. CmdrShepard4ever*

      Did it say Handmade and not from a store, or just handmade? To really get what you want I think you need to say “Bake off contest: it needs to be handmade by the person entering the contest”
      To me Handmade means not mass produced by machines, some store bakery departments make their stuff by hand, or go to a local bake shop and buy it.

      Homemade means it can’t be bought but I could have my friend who is a professional baker come to my house and make it.

      1. LtBroccoli*

        Or you could have your spouse make it, which is far more common but equally unfair if it’s meant to be a contest between coworkers.

    8. Mrs. Fenris*

      I’m a very good baker, and I enjoy it, but only if I have time and the muse is on me. If I’m busy, like during the work week, or if it’s been so nice outside I’d rather be hiking, nope, you’re getting storebought stuff.

    9. WaywardManager*

      In one of my last jobs, our party planning committee, used to do company-wide catering for most major holidays. I swear, every single time we did a breakfast one and included bacon, we always had to have a member of the committee stand watch as the “bacon monitor” and count how many pieces of bacon each person had. Apparently, a few years before I started, some people would pile a plate full of nothing but bacon, and no one else would get any.

      We also used to have a “Pie Day”, where we’d get in an assortment of pies from Village Inn. This needed to be changed to “Slice O’ Pie Day”, since some employees would take an entire pie with them back to their desks!

  2. Reinhardt*

    No stories to share (I always avoid my office potlucks) but looking forward to what people post here!
    *grabs popcorn*

        1. Mallory Janis Ian*

          This isn’t office- (or even human-) related, but your comment reminded me of a litter of kittens we had:

          We would feed them dry cat food in a pie tin, and one of the kittens would hide a pile of food under his belly. Then when all the food was “gone”, he would eat the food that he had hidden underneath himself.

          Then we gave them a bit of milk in the pie tin, and the one little greedy kitten spent the whole time scrabbling with his little paws to scoop the milk under his belly. Meanwhile the other kittens were drinking all the milk. The little greedy one couldn’t figure out how to get the milk to stay stashed up in his area of the dish, so he laid his belly down in the dish.

          1. JaneB*

            We had a guinea-pig like that when I was a kid – if you put a handful of vegetables in their pen, she would cram as many as possible under her belly, sometimes so many her back feet were in the air, and then eat between her front legs with breaks to growl at the others so no-one could get at her food…

          2. Alli525*

            That’s amazing and I’m so glad you shared it. Stories like yours make me sad my apartment doesn’t allow pets – their antics are just priceless.

          3. Aiani*

            Ha, that is great!

            Not as good but I used to have two cats and I had one of those pet feeding containers with two bowls that are separated down the middle. Well the greedy one would eat out of his bowl while stretching his paw across the other bowl so that only he could eat while the other one waited. I just bought separate feeding dishes after that.

          4. nonegiven*

            I have an old cat, when his litter was first getting into solid food, DH put out a freezer burned hamburger patty, on a plate, in the middle of 4 kittens. My kitty jumped in the middle of it with all 4 feet, started gnawing on the edges, and growling. He was already the biggest, fattest kitten, but from the way he acted, it was like he was starving.

        1. Archie Goodwin*

          I’ll bring the soda. Although as I plowed through most of the office twelve-pack of Diet Coke in about two-and-a-half days last week while on a training thing, perhaps I should bring extra.

          I’d be ashamed, but I have so few vices…

          2. Not Tom, just Petty*

            we have these closets next to each cube. Yup, a big black cubby. Mine holds my jacket, work bag, a crockpot, and two twelve packs. Right now Diet Cherry Coke and Diet Pepsi. Sale at Target.

          3. paul*

            I *always* bring my own two liter of diet coke or diet dr. pepper to potlucks. I get some weird looks but AM CAFFEINE.

          4. GotWings*

            I’m the office Red Bull fiend. A while ago a client gave someone in another department several crates of Red Bull as a gift. It lasted a couple of weeks, and every time someone wanted a can they would ask my permission.

            I can only assume I was appointed Red Bull Tsar but nobody remembered to notify me.

            1. Archie Goodwin*

              I had my fifteenth high school reunion last month, and a bunch of us organizers were tasked with bringing various beverages. I was asked to bring soft drinks…guess I really haven’t changed much in fifteen years.

        2. CM*

          Share? You’re not getting into the spirit of this.

          Mine isn’t that exciting, but I have worked at multiple (engineering) companies where people used a combination of webcams and custom-written software to detect and notify others when free food showed up. Depending on how generous these engineers are with the information, it’s either one guy who shows up and grabs all the food, or more often, it’s people descending en masse and decimating the free food.

          1. Ornery PR*

            I love this so much. It just goes to show how much ingenuity people have when they are passionate about something. Especially if that something is free food.

    3. LadyMountaineer*

      You avoid office potlucks! Office potlucks are where I’ve had the best Chinese (New Years Celebrations) and Filipino since it’s hard to find outside of the office and where I learned about secret menus. Even though I tote my Polish food and cheesy potatoes I love a good office potluck!

      1. Reinhardt*

        I’m glad you enjoy yours, mine are a bore. The ones at my office are all just awkward, forced social interaction best left to those who actually tolerate or enjoy such things. I don’t.

        And while I admit I don’t have the most sophisticated palet, none of the food people bring is particularly appetizing.

        1. Anonymoose*

          Amen. And it’s always the same thing every time. The same person always makes the same meatballs, the same pulled pork, the same bag of chips – oh wait, that last one is me. hehehe

      2. GotWings*

        Picky eater here – pot lucks don’t appeal at all. Being pressured to eat something I’m likely to find disgusting, when I could just go and buy something I like, is not a tempting offer.

      3. oranges & lemons*

        I don’t like potlucks because I don’t trust other people’s hygiene and they gross me out.

        1. Journalist Wife*

          Yep! I am normally that way so I was delighted that today’s office potluck (the first one we’ve had since I started here) was a soup-cookoff, which meant there were a million plugs for CrockPot along a row of tables and since we all set up when we got there in the morning, there was nothing that hadn’t been simmering at high heat all morning to make sure it was soft by lunchtime. Germ killing heat FTW!

      4. Free Meerkats*

        We almost held a wake the day the Filipina who brought her handmade lumpia to all the potlucks retired. You didn’t want to be between the table and the crowd when that hotel pan of steaming fried goodness arrived.

      1. Miss Pantalones en Fuego (formerly Floundering Mander)*

        *invents recipe for fish flavored microwave popcorn with extra burnt bits*

  3. Hlyssande*

    We no longer have potlucks or bake offs. I miss the days when that one guy brought in his amazing rum cake you could smell outside the room and my old boss brought venison summer sausage from deer he’d hunted. Moving into the same office with the division CEO, VPs, etc really put a damper on some things. On the other hand, I don’t miss being concerned about people’s kitchen cleanliness at home.

    I’ll probably bring in some sort of treat soon for my little group, though.

    1. AndersonDarling*

      I used to work at a company with a very, very diverse staff. Potlucks were like a food tour of the world! Flan, stir fry, bbq, enchiladas, french pastries… it was Glorious! It was a horrible company, but I really miss those potlucks!

      1. Amadeo*

        We had potlucks in the math department of a university I used to work for. It was similar there, except they were dishes from countries like India, Sri Lanka and so on. They didn’t always agree with my palate, but some of them were really good and it was neat to get home-cooked international dishes like that.

        1. Jane!Jane!*

          This reminds me of the potlucks at oldjob. Every department participated and it was fabulous! Whole smoked turkey and hams, shrimp platters, salads, every casserole known to man, and the desserts! I was so sorry to leave that job. For all its shortcomings, those folks knew how to put on a spread.

        2. Rusty Shackelford*

          When Mr. Shackelford was in graduate school, we went to a potluck. One of his classmates was from India and she’d made a traditional dish, but insisted that she made it less spicy so the Americans could handle it. It was still way too spicy for us, and the other Indian students wouldn’t eat it because it was too bland.

        3. Turtle Candle*

          Not a potluck thing, but a number of people in my office are from a culture where it’s expected that when you go on vacation, you bring back a treat from where you went to share with your office. We enjoyed it so much that other people spontaneously started doing it too, and since we have an office employing people form all over the world (and who also travel all over the world), the treats are really interesting and varied–seaweed snacks, sesame candies, pastries from Romania, maple things from Canada, and so on. I really like it.

          1. Julia*

            That was the one nice thing about my horrible former Japanese office job. (It wasn’t horrible because it was Japanese, although Japan may be even more behind on gender equality than Europe and it showed.)

          2. Midge*

            One of my favorite things about travelling is trying treats and snacks from other parts of the world. I would be thrilled if bringing back vacation treats was a more regular office thing. A coworker of mine just went home to South Asia and brought back this delicious cashew candy to share with us. It’s so so good!

        4. Clewgarnet*

          One of my coworkers occasionally brings in piping hot, homemade samosas. They’ve completely spoiled me for anything from a restaurant.

          And we have a vendor who’s based in Copenhagen. Whenever he comes in for a meeting (we’re in the UK), he brings Danish pastries that are basically a heart attack in pastry form, but totally worth it.

      2. MadMadAlwaysMad*

        I looove our department potlucks–they really are a world tour of food. We aren’t all great cooks in my department, but are all foodies. It is actually one of the things I mention when I’m interviewing candidates and the interviewee asks me to tell them about our group. Lately, I’ve been urging my manager to consider filling our next opening with someone with a Latin/Mexican cooking expertise since that is currently a gap in our pot lucks (only sort of kidding).

        1. JessaB*

          Yeh but what a cool way to try for a non homogeneous non discriminatory workplace. We want more foreign food in our potlucks, please apply if you can make kicking barbacoa. I mean in real life it doesn’t work like that but still you can wish.

        2. Tiny Soprano*

          One of our staff brought his homemade sambal to share at lunch a while back, and it was worth all the fiery pain in my weak-a*** white-girl palate. My office is super multi-cultural, so I’d love it if we did an office pot-luck!

        3. The Ginger Ninja*

          Our secretary retired recently and she was an amazing baker (we were her guinea pigs for new recipes). When we were interviewing for a new one, I asked if “do you like to bake” could be one of the interview questions :)

          We lucked out and hired someone who’s not only a really great secretary, but makes a killer apple crisp! (If you feed teachers, we will come. In droves.)

      3. Hlyssande*

        Oh, that’s awesome! I would miss those too. Most of the stuff was kind of meh, but one lady makes a killer pico de gallo, that dude had that rum cake, and there were a few other specialties as well. It always leaned heavily to the sweet side, though.

        These days there’s a quarterly birthday thing with a mix of healthy and unhealthy snacks from Costco. One of the managers took another job and we had the usual birthday stuff + cake to celebrate. Not quite as good as fresh venison summer sausage, but free snacks are free snacks!

    2. JKP*

      I worked somewhere once where we had food contests complete with trophies, but everything was provided by the company and you made it at work. For example, anyone who wanted to enter the crockpot contest would give the person running it a list of ingredients. Then the day of the contest, you would get to work and there would be all the crockpots and ingredients in the kitchen waiting. People would make their dish in the morning, then the office would close an hour early for a staff party where everyone would judge the entries. Since they did it every year, they just kept the equipment in storage, and the entries were somewhat limited by how many crockpots or blenders or whatever they had. Although, I think if one more person wanted to enter, they just bought another one.

      Anyway, that removed the burden/expense from the people cooking at home, and also no worries about the cleanliness of the kitchen. Accidental bonus: no chance of cheating.

    3. Meghan*

      My husband makes a chocolate velvet pie every year for his office for Pi Day (3/14). But he bikes in, so he has to bring all the ingredients to work and make it there. And it requires pre-baking the crust a day beforehand. So the day before pie day, he bakes a chocolate cookie crust in the toaster oven at work. The smell brings people looking for fresh cookies, and he has to shoo them away with a “come back tomorrow.” And then his tiny pie is one of many, but it gets demolished. Probably the best way to advertise the event.

      2. SeuciaV*

        OMG – Pi Day! On 3/14! I love this idea. And also love the fact that he bakes his own tiny pie in the toaster oven at work. That’s pretty boss.

        1. Cloud Nine Sandra*

          We have pie day at my office – we have a lot of food events. Tomorrow there’s a hot dog event one of the senior people puts on for the local “big game” in college football land. We were all told not to wear the color of the rival team the senior person supports, lol.

        3. Julia*

          In Japan (and Korea, I think), 3/14 is just White Day, where men have to give reciprocal gifts to women who had given them Valentine’s chocolates (which in Japan is solely from women to their romantic partners, colleagues, friends etc.). I should tell my husband to get me a fancy pie next year, he’s not a baker.

    4. Turquoisecow*

      There was a woman at my old job who brought in rum cake for occasions. She was well known to enjoy alcoholic beverages and her rum cake was exceptionally rum-filled because of this. She also added it in to the frosting. Many people joked (with some seriousness) that they couldn’t have too much or they’d not be able to drive home afterward.

      Sadly, she passed away. I’m not sure if she passed on the recipe to anyone before she died.

      2. B*

        Office party and a woman brought in rum balls that were so strong the boss declared if you were driving, you could only have two. He then moved the tray to where he could monitor it.

        1. Hlyssande*

          My dad used to be an IT manager for an insurance company, and he had an employee who brought in extremely powerful rum balls just like that. I’m sure they were wonderful, but too many would definitely give you trouble.

        3. PlainJane*

          True story. Chocolate rum balls were served at a wedding reception I attended. I don’t drink alcohol–like never in my life ever. But I adore chocolate. So I knocked back about 3 of them–then noticed I was light-headed, and formerly-stationary objects were no longer stationary. It’s the only time in my life I’ve ever been intoxicated.

      3. JessaB*

        We had one who made those powdered sugar rum balls? And man did she put the booze in em. We got all the jokes about “don’t drive home, let Jessa drive you she doesn’t drink.”

      4. Hlyssande*

        The rum cake I remember fondly was similar to that. It definitely burned a bit going down, but was so very delicious.

      5. Tiny Soprano*

        My old boss once brought in the most magnificent chocolate mousse I’ve ever had for someone’s birthday, and when we asked her what was in it she said: “I normally put brandy in it, but I’d run out, so I used scotch.”

      6. Cherith Ponsonby*

        The first time my mum and I made ice-cream Christmas pudding, it turned out like this – the recipe said to soak about 4 cups of dried fruit in 2tbsp brandy for up to 2 weeks, but that seemed insufficient, so we ended up using nearly a cup of brandy and leaving it for 6 weeks. It was lucky nobody had any plans to drive on Christmas afternoon!

    5. Han*

      This reminds me of “culture day” at my school when I was a kid. We were all supposed to bring in foods traditional to our cultures. It was… not a very diverse community, so most of the food was from various western European traditions. As the only Jewish kid, I brought in bagels. It was amazing how many kids hadn’t had one before!

      1. Rebecca in Dallas*

        We actually did that at work once! It was really fun, my Jewish coworker brought in potato latkes (but funnily enough, she later admitted that her Chinese husband had made them).

    6. Adlib*

      About 6 years ago, I worked at a job I hated, but one guy always brought in venison jerky from his hunting season. It was so good I emailed him this year to see if he was still doing it. He is, but he only gets enough for friends and family. I don’t qualify as a friend though, just former coworker.

      1. Hlyssande*

        Nice. I’m sad that you don’t get to have that deliciousness. I know the boss didn’t make the summer sausage himself, but whoever made it for him was top notch.

        1. the gold digger*

          That is my special hostess gift – venison summer sausage. The only way to get it where I live is to kill the deer yourself or to have a cousin who owns and runs a deer processing business and gives you venison summer sausage from her stash. It’s illegal to sell venison in this state. I have a very short list of people I will give it to, as it has to be given to me as a gift and I don’t want to be greedy.

        2. nonegiven*

          We can take venison to the meat packer. They do it all at once, I think. They’ll make sausage, Summer sausage, hamburger, steaks, etc. whatever you want.

          When we had more energy, he cut and I packed steaks and roasts ourselves using one of those vacuum bag sealers.

          We never made our own sausage but my cousin was trying jerky this year.

  4. Not So Super-visor*

    I have a hard time eating mayo anymore due to a coworker. She came in late due to a doctor’s appointment that she needed to fast prior to the appt for some blood work. She decided to treat herself to a sub sandwich with extra mayo from a local shop on her way back into work. She then proceeded to lean over the short cubicle wall and have a conversation with me while she ate it. Every time that mayo would squeeze out of the side or end of the sandwich, she would eagerly lick it off the bread and then continue on with the conversation.

        1. LiveAndLetDie*

          Okay I like mayo just fine but there is a line of acceptability and this has definitely crossed to the “that’s excessive” side. You are the Louis XIV of mayonnaise.

      1. JD*

        I do admit I would not be looking someone in the eye doing that. At home, probably. On a side note I am now desperately craving a giant sandwich.

      1. JD*

        I can tell if someone opens a jar of sweet pickles within a mile of me. My SO will be downstairs and I will call down “did you just open sweet pickles?” The smell makes me ill.

        1. Arya Snark*

          Me, too. Hubs LOVES them and eats them all the time. The worst is when he finishes a jar and dumps the brine in the sink. Retching for days!

          1. Alexandra Duane*

            He dumps the brine out? Tell him to cut up cauliflower, green beans, celery, cooked beans (kidney, pinto, garbanzo, whatever he likes) and put them in the brine. Just put in enough that the brine completely covers the veggies. Refrigerate overnight – pickled salad the next day!

        2. Cat*Lady*

          I am this way with greek yogurt. Regular yogurt, fine. The greek kind? *hurk* I can tell when people in the office are eating it :(

    4. LKW*

      I hate mayo, always have. When I went to Belgium for work the first thing I learned was to order sandwiches “Zonder Mayo” because they slather it on everything.

      1. Jen S. 2.0*

        Word. I have always hated mayonnaise. I do not understand the love for tasteless fatty white slime. Off topic: I once broke up with a boyfriend, and a friend was amused when I peevishly referred to him as “Mayonnaise Man.” See above description; I have no idea whether he liked mayonnaise as a food.

        (Oddly, I like chicken salad and potato salad just fine (although I don’t like cole slaw), as well as flavored mayonnaise, like pesto mayonnaise, horseradish mayonnaise, et cetera. Plain mayonnaise, though? Bleccccch.)

        1. LKW*

          I can deal with tuna salad and egg salad if they aren’t too mayo drenched but if you put mayo on a sandwich, I won’t eat it or will peel off all mayo’d layers.

      2. Azure Jane Lunatic*

        I believe that’s where one of my former co-workers was from. He caught some teasing from the rest of his team when we observed him cheerfully spreading mayo on his pizza crusts. (It didn’t gross any of us out that I’m aware, but we did think it was unusual.)

    5. Grad student*

      Oh no–I don’t like mayo but I do lick ketchup off the edge of my sandwiches (burgers, I guess) when it looks like it’s going to drip. I don’t even realize I’m doing it most of the time–I guess I should pay better attention if it might be grossing people out? :/ It’s very effective though!

      1. Sally Seattle*

        It’s very different in a restaurant where everyone’s eating then when you’re having a conversation with someone at their desk.

        1. No Green No Haze*

          I’m here to say I knew a guy who did this at a restaurant where everyone was eating and it absolutely was gross there.

          Not only would he lick oozing condiments off of his burger, he would, I am sorry, suck them off with slurping noises, turning the burger contemplatively to check the whole perimeter for leakage.

          Front of God and everybody. Horrible.

            1. Raine*

              I think biting that section off is what I do at least. You don’t have to take a full sized bite, just enough so it doesn’t drip everywhere.

              1. No Green No Haze*

                I would have been glad for him not to overload the burger with fluids to begin with, since this was all self-inflicted, but in some cases, of course, this has been done to you, not by you.

                I feel like Miss Manners would be fine with a discreet napkin wipe.

    6. Merci Dee*

      That almost made me gag right here at my desk.

      When I was a kid, I loved mayo. My favorite lunch before I started school was mayo sandwiches — mayo, bread, and more mayo. Then I went to kindergarten, and got a packet of mayo with my lunch one day that had gone bad. I got so sick, I can’t even tell you. I haven’t been able to deal with mayo since then. I’m fine if it’s mixed into stuff (pasta salad, tuna salad, chicken salad, etc.), but that’s about it. I’ll put a scant bit on a BLT to keep the bacon crumbles from falling out, but it’s barely enough to make the bread glisten.

      Yack.

      1. Artemesia*

        Our instincts are really strong here. We survived by developing a deep aversion to things that hurt us. Decades ago I had a great pork crockpot recipe with polenta — loved it. Got stick as a dog after eating it once (probably a bug and nothing to do with the food) All these years later, the thought of it still turns my stomach and I’ve never made it again.

      2. Alexandra Duane*

        A coworker and I were rummaging through the Condiment Packet Drawer at work a while back and found a ketchup packet inflated like a little ball, tight as a drum. We put it in a plastic bag and took it right out to the dumpster – we were afraid it might detonate in the wastebasket and release toxins. We thought about calling the Hazardous Materials team, but then we would have had to write incident reports, and we’ll do anything to avoid that.

    7. pumpkin spice.*

      I hate mayo more than any other food substance on the planet. I’d have barfed all over my desk Exorcist style.

      1. Dee-Nice*

        Hi. I’m Dee-Nice. I share your mayo aversion and even thinking about it right now is triggering my gag.

      4. Pomona Sprout*

        Add me to the list of mayo-aversives, please. I can’t even stand the smell of the stuff. Ugh!

          1. Kismet*

            Ha, I’m the exact opposite! Love mayo, can’t stand Miracle Whip, and yes, Grandma, I can tell the difference.

            1. nonegiven*

              I can stand a little Miracle whip in the chicken salad. The only sandwich I like it on is meatloaf. I’d rather have mustard on everything else.

    8. Mabel*

      I can relate! My dad eats peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. And we used to get a dollop of mayo on our lettuce as “salad” for dinner most evenings. I don’t love mayo, so this was a bit much for me, but I will eat it in chicken or tuna salad, and other things like that.

      1. Fur Princess*

        As far as I’m concerned, mayonnaise is on the menu in Hell. It is so gross.

        Belgians aren’t the only ones who slather it indiscriminately: in some Japanese restaurants, they put it on fried things. yuckyuckyuck

      4. Stellaclair*

        Ah! I used to eat peanut butter and Miracle Whip sandwiches when I was a kid. My dad introduced me to that. I actually really dislike mayo for the most part.

        1. JessaB*

          I can’t have Miracle Whip, I’m allergic to mustard, I know friends that love it, but OMG people who say they’re putting mayo when it’s Miracle Whip are gonna be the end of me. Too many people I know call all white condiments mayo.

            1. Writebythelake*

              Well, not THAT different, but different enough. And I like both, for different reasons. Every once in awhile, I still crave a childhood favorite: Kraft American single with Miracle Whip on white bread.

              1. Elizabeth West*

                Bologna with Miracle Whip on a hamburger bun, with a single slice of American cheese. This is what they put in our lunch bags in primary school for Play Day. In the morning, we’d have a little track meet, and then in the afternoon they took us to the city park where we ate the cafeteria bag lunch and then had sack races, etc. and played on the swings. That sandwich will take me back immediately.

                Not all of my childhood was sucky. :)

      6. PhyllisB*

        YAY to another PB&M fan. I’ve eaten this all my life. It’s also good with bananas added. I LOOOOVE mayo, but not as much as my dad did. The man ate it on EVERYTHING but desserts. (Yes, I know about chocolate mayo cake, but that wasn’t a THING then.) When my children were young we went out to lunch after church, and took one of their friends with us. When our meal was served she started looking around the table in confusion. I asked her what she was looking for. She said, where is the mayonnaise? She wanted some for her black-eyed peas. (Yes, we do live in the South.) It brought back so many memories.

    10. Chaordic One*

      I’ve talked about my food allergies before, especially my allergy to soy. In almost all store-bought mayo one of the main ingredients is soybean oil and it does not agree with me.

      OTOH, if you’ve ever taken the time to make homemade mayo with canola or corn oil or even olive oil, it’s the best!

    11. Bye Academia*

      I used to love mayo. Until the time I had lice in elementary school. It was a stubborn case and just would not go away with any of the normal treatments. Desperate, my parents found a method online where you slather your scalp in mayo, put a shower cap on, and leave it overnight. The smells…oh god, the smells.

      It did finally kill the lice, though.

      I do still like mayo now, but it took YEARS for the smell not to make me nauseated and I definitely don’t love it at the same level as before.

    12. Bryce*

      I used to love mayo but it’s one of the things I cut out on a “how can I eat healthier without drastically altering my diet” whim (also included: burgers without cheese sometimes, one less patty than my hungry brain thinks I want, small combo instead of large, stuff like that), and I found I haven’t missed it. Dijon mustard on the other hand, a sandwich just doesn’t taste right without some of that.

    13. Merula*

      I don’t have any great stories, but I just heard one from a coworker on the topic of mayo: An ex-boss is a massive control freak and HATES mayo. So much so that when ordering sandwiches for group events, he refused to order actual sandwiches and would instead order cold cut trays and rolls, so he could be assured there was no mayo anywhere.

      He also doesn’t like toppings on pizza, and so will order all cheese pizzas for group events.

    14. HR Recruiter*

      I like mayo if I can’t see it. I know its weird but the site of it grosses me out. Gagging just reading these comments.

  5. k.k*

    I may have told this story here before, but my weirdest office food story is of a partially stolen lunch. I brought a sandwich to work and stored it in the fridge. It was very simple, couple slices of white bread, two slices of cheese, and some lunch meat in a Tupperware. When I went to get it, I found the lid slightly open, and one piece of cheese missing. Someone opened my sandwich, removed a single slice of cheese, reassembled it, and put it back. That night I went out and bought an insulated lunch bag and ice pack, and have not used the fridge since.

    2. ES*

      My husband had that happen! He worked in the ER and a coworker (or someone else who had access to their kitchen) stole the meat out of his sandwich!

        1. LizB*

          Really. “Surely my coworker will be grateful that I left them two slices of bread as sustenance! This generosity makes my transgression way less severe!”

      3. Liz in a Library*

        This happened at my old job too! Things are calming down in the library one evening, when suddenly there is a loud bellow from the hallway of a colleague shouting about someone stealing his meat out of a deli sandwich, then neatly wrapping the rest of the sandwich back up. Why?!

      1. Fur Princess*

        Oh, you worked with Carol too? She not only would steal part of your sandwich, but other parts of your lunch such as one slice of banana bread, part of your cut up fruit, etc. She worked at my first job 90 eleven years ago and I’ve had an insulated lunchbox and ice packs ever since.

    4. SusanIvanova*

      We do monthly birthday cakes. One time we opened up the cake, which had been stored in the common fridge, to see that someone had taken one of the strawberries off the top, leaving an obvious hole in the frosting. Like, just wait a few hours, there will be leftover cake!

      Then there was the time one of the custodians brought a box of strawberries for lunch and it got stolen (not in the same building, so probably not the same thief). While we had just laughed off our strawberry, this got massive outrage on the social chat board – yes, Silicon Valley has a rep for entitled jerks, but quite a lot of people were outraged that someone making so much less than us lost their lunch and didn’t have any way to make up for it.

      1. Minister of Snark*

        At my first job, the management bought cakes for birthdays, which was nice. One guy would get SO anxious that we would cut the cake without him and he would miss out. When I saw the Simpsons episode where Homer did the “But MARGE, CHIIIIIILLLIIIIIII!” dance, I practically spit out my drink, because that’s exactly what it looked like. One day he had am absolute meltdown because he was supposed to leave for a sales call on an afternoon when we were having birthday cake. He got quiet all of the sudden right after lunch, left for his sales call and when we opened the box for the cake, there was a piece cut out of it. He’d cut into this woman’s cake before she could even see it.

        and when we asked him about it later, i.e., “What in the hell, Homer?” He said, “But you were going to cut it when I wasn’t there! I might have missed out!” Cake FOMO. It’s real.

    6. Not My Monkeys*

      Your solution is why ‘lunch stealing’ letters make me roll my eyes. Stop putting the cookies RIGHT NEXT to the Cookie Monster and hoping he won’t gobble them down, AGAIN.

      1. Ego Chamber*

        Does this cynical view apply to any theft, or is it exclusive to lunches? I’m genuinely confused why you think it’s the victim’s fault someone else decided to take something that doesn’t belong to them just because it was left unattended for a few hours in a communal area.

        1. Victoria*

          I think NMM meant it in a “Why would you trust them with your food again when they’ve already proven they can’t be trusted” kind of way, not a blame the victim way.

          1. Shan*

            I think most people who blame the victim mean it that way, but they’re still blaming the victim.

  6. Wannabe Disney Princess*

    When I first started, there were 2 Queen Bees. And they had a list of people they liked. Since I was part of the admin staff, I was immediately on the list (even though it was perfectly obvious they couldn’t stand me). Except, I didn’t know this. ANYWAY. One day they ordered lunch for the office. Queen Bee 1 grabbed a few of the pizzas and reserved them for “her people” without telling me. I went into the lunchroom and grabbed a few slices as I was, unknowingly, “preapproved” to eat said free pizza. Someone came in behind me and saw the pizza on the table. He asked if it was up for grabs. As it was in the lunchroom without a name or a sign and nobody had told me otherwise….I said yes. At this point Queen Bee 2 came in and saw the unworthy gentleman eating the free pizza. When I got back to my desk, they both confronted me and informed me that I was not to give away the pizza (bought by the office that they had set aside) to other coworkers until, and I quote, “our people have been fed”. I was immediately kicked off their lunch privileges list.

    I still refer to it as Pizza-gate.

      1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

        When we had potlucks, my desserts would be “accidentally” hidden by other stuff. Or had other stuff on top of their container. Or moved and “forgotten” to be put back.

        I just started keeping them at my desk and offering whenever anyone walked by. Which people always did. And infuriated them (they sat across from me – the one would outright roll her eyes or glare).

        1. JD*

          I of course want people I work with to like me but if I worked with women like this I would just not give two cruds. Fine roll your eyes, what the heck ever. Only one miserable is them.

        2. Bagpuss*

          Weird. Were they wantin to reserve yours for themselves and their clique, or to make you feel bad that no-one ateyour contribution?

          1. Wannabe Disney Princess*

            The latter. I’m good at baking, so people would ask me what I made. Since I was their Enemy, they didn’t want anyone to like me or the stuff I brought in.

            I’m not the first one they did this to, the woman I replaced quit because of their behavior. I was just the first one to not care and persevere anyway.

    3. Michelle*

      We have a department manager similar. If have any food leftover from say a client event and the caterer leave it for the staff, this manager goes around telling all her staff about the food and making sure they get their stuff first, then other staff would be told.

      I went once and all that was left was a couple of gross looking grapes and some hard bread-thing. After that I just never bother to go anymore. I like leftovers as much as the next person but picked over, practically nothing leftovers? Nah, I’ll pass.

    4. Imaginary Number*

      So let me get this straight. This pizza was bought for everyone in the office, but these two people decided on their own that only certain people would get to eat it?

        1. Adam V*

          And no manager spoke up and said “no, this pizza’s for everyone; if I catch you policing who’s ‘allowed’ to eat it again, we’re going to have a serious conversation” ?

    5. Beancounter Eric*

      I worked for a law firm which had a written policy regarding the conduct of firm pizza lunches.

      As in participants were allowed on their first pass through the line to get two slices, and were prohibited from returning to the line for additional until it could be verified all participants has gone through. I believe there was a paragraph regarding types/quantity of pizza to be ordered (at least one was to be vegetable), distribution of leftover food, etc.

      1. TheCupcakeCounter*

        Seems like common sense to me. Pretty terrible that we have to write up common sense items into a freaking policy

        1. Beancounter Eric*

          Speaking of common sense – was chatting with one of the lawyers there in the coffee room and he was commenting on a safety label on something there….I mentioned to him a knife I had given my wife which included a note on the package that it was sharp and to exercise caution with it.

          I loved the response from the attorney – “damm lawyers!!”

        2. Minister of Snark*

          But I think that’s what office bullies thrive on, “Well, there’s no RULE against it, so what are you going to do?”

        1. Beancounter Eric*

          On the one hand, I get it. I never heard an official reason so I’m guessing some time in the past they had someone not get pizza because some others weren’t considerate and grabbed slices to excess.

          On the other hand, they could have done very well with a simple “be considerate of others”….

          1. OhNo*

            Could also have been a situation like my sister-in-law had at her old job. She works in a school, and the administration had ordered pizzas for everyone for lunch during an inservice day. One of the first guys in line walked off with a whole pizza, box and all, brought it back to his table, and went to town. He wasn’t sharing with anyone; it was just for him. Apparently no one confronted him in the moment, but a policy about shared food was put in place shortly afterward.

            1. Former Hoosier*

              One time I had picked up pizza orders for several in our office. The pizza place you could buy by the slice so I would get one cheese, someone else would get two pepperoni, etc. I had offered to pick it up that day and so came back with a box with maybe 8 slices that a few of us had individually ordered and paid for. My boss made me give mine to an intern who was really crappy at her job. I was so pissed.

      3. SusanIvanova*

        I brought in an assortment of nice cupcakes once to thank my team for doing code reviews (I generated rather more than the rest of them just due to the nature of what I did – lots of smallish changes across a wide area, where the others were more specialized). Our team treat table was out of the way so nobody could just happen across it, I sent the mail to just our team, and it was obvious from the cupcake count alone that this wasn’t for just anyone.

        I saw Coworker Coffeecup walking past with someone from another team, shortly after the email – long before it could be assumed that anyone who wanted one had got one. Both of them had cupcakes and the other person was saying “thanks for the cupcake”. Grr.

    6. babblemouth*

      Simple rule in my office: food left unattended on the kitchen counter is up for grabs unless explicitly marked otherwise. Anything left at the end of the day is thrown away. We have a big enough office that there is actually someone whose job it is to keep the various kitchens tidy though, so maybe it’s easier for us.

  7. Corky's wife Bonnie*

    A former VP would ALWAYS take home all the leftovers from luncheons, whether it would be food the company bought or leftovers from potlucks. I once heard him exclaim, “well, I’M a VP, who’s going to tell me I cant???” After we were bought out by another outfit (we all kept our positions) he only lasted a few months (he was very much a chauvinist and his new boss was a woman, but that’s a story for another thread). It’s been nice since he’s been gone, we all get to partake in the leftovers the next day!

    1. Malibu Stacey*

      I’ve seen the same thing happen at two places, people bringing home leftovers that were meant to be put out for everyone the next day. And like your old VP, doubling down when confronted instead of being mortified about overstepping.

      1. Artemesia*

        We had a manager who hid leftover drinks in his own desk which were intended to be available to staff after meetings. The boss considered staff getting a crack at meeting leftovers a perk, but this guy was offended and glommed onto them.

    2. Kristine*

      Wow, and I’ll bet he was one of those, “Women should choose between a career and kids” and “Look at me, kids don’t interfere with MY work” while mooching all the leftovers so he didn’t have to cook or wash his dishes. I hope you share the story of his departure sometime!

      1. Decima*

        At one lunch meeting at the investment firm, one of the board members was nonchalantly eating the egg salad with what was meant to be the serving spoon. They replaced the spoon after he left, but still.

    3. Sunshine on a cloudy day*

      Ah – hahaha – we had a C-level exec (and partner in the firm – so he made bank) who ran to the kitchen anytime there was free food. Literally ran.

      We had lunch provided for us every Friday (rotated among restaurants) and there was one dish from one particular restaurant that he and I both loved. I helped set up the food for lunch, so I always made sure to take a generous portion of that dish while still setting up b/c I knew if I didn’t he would most likely clear the pan.

      1. SaraV*

        ESPN is fairly well known for their “wacky” commercials/promos. One from several years ago showed one of the anchors in his cubicle, and all these people are running past it. People in various athletic uniforms, marching band, college mascots, cheerleaders doing backflips past him. He finally turns to his computer to open an email that reads “Free bagels in the breakroom.” It ends with him leaping up and also tearing out of his cubicle.

      2. 2 Cents*

        You can see one of our higher-ups running from her office to the break room whenever free food is on offer. And it’s not like she takes one portion. Oh no, she takes a portion for now, wraps up some for tonight’s dinner and *sometimes* wraps up more for tomorrow’s lunch.

        1. Former Hoosier*

          I worked with a person like that. If we ordered out for lunch and the company paid for it, she would always try to order two meals. One time I traveled with her to a conference and she took everyone’s leftovers back to her hotel room. We didn’t really know the people we were eating with. She and I and another co worker were at the table but everyone else were others from the conference. It was weird.

    4. A Bag of Jedi Mind Tricks*

      @ Corky’s Wife Bonnie. OMG, I had a manager like that. We would have a catered lunch for the floor at Christmas time and he would bring in his Tupperware and fill ‘er up and proclaim that he now had his meals for the upcoming week.

      2. OtterB*

        Yeah, at our office first call on catered lunch leftovers goes to interns, part-timers who are also grad students, and new hires just out of college. Except for birthday cupcakes – first call on leftovers from that goes to people whose birthday is in that month. Neither of these are exactly formal policies, but as far as I can tell we don’t have any jerks on staff.

    7. Corky's wife Bonnie*

      The funniest part was that if there were no leftovers or just a serving or two left, he would get seriously irritated and make comments like, “boy, people sure were piggies today!” Even if it was from a meeting or function he didn’t even attend.

    8. Q*

      Yaaassssss I worked at a place like this. The head of another division would put all the leftovers in his car and then leave stale potatoe chips and crumbs for the other departments. He was overall despised, someone actually left foul graffiti on the women’s restroom wall about him. What a winner.

    9. a*

      Kind of a reverse example: Back when I worked at Huge Global Corp, there was an infamous story of a woman who got into an elevator carrying a huge armful of sodas. The older gentleman in the elevator next to her asked curiously “Oh, what’s with all the sodas?” The woman blithely responded that her department had just had a meeting and that she always made sure to immediately grab all the sodas (provided by the company!) and take them home.

      The older gentleman? Was the CEO. Soda Woman was fired on the spot.

    10. Hlyssande*

      The office manager my old department had a long time ago would always order a much bigger cake than necessary during monthly birthday things and take the excess home.

    11. SeuciaV*

      I used to work for a partner in a big international firm who made (as you might imagine) an insane amount of money. The firm was really large – we had our own little restaurant for staff downstairs and they did a lot of their own catering in-house – so big client meetings were often extravagantly catered. After a meeting was over, if there was food left (and there almost always was) they would put it out in the kitchen of the floor the meeting had taken place on and send out a message to everyone who worked on that floor. As soon as those messages would hit our inboxes, this partner would literally drop whatever they were doing to run into the kitchen and wrap up as much of those leftovers as they could manage. Then they’d squirrel them away in the office fridge. They rarely ate them and when the fridge would get cleaned out once every couple of weeks, the bulk of the stuff thrown away was the leftovers they’d “claimed.” It was infuriating and SO WASTEFUL – particularly when there were other staff that were a little more strapped for cash and would have been very grateful for some of that food. It used to infuriate me to no end!

    12. Agatha_31*

      “he was very much a chauvinist and his new boss was a woman, but that’s a story for another thread”

      NO THAT IS A STORY FOR THIS THREAD BECAUSE SCHADENFREUDE IS THE MOST DELICIOUS OF POTLUCK CHOICES. SPILL. (Please?)

    13. Coldbrewinacup*

      I had a coworker who would bring in Tupperware whenever we had potlucks and he would fill them up. Without asking anyone. And he was one of those whose only contribution to said potluck was 2 liters of soda or iced tea he made with tea bags he swiped from our office supply.

  8. Master Bean Counter*

    At a former work place there was a going away party for some one. A few people brought in home made treats. Two days later a work-place wide email went out that said anybody who ate the no-bake cookies might have been exposed to hepatitis A, and should probably visit the county health department for a free screening.
    The person who brought in the cookies in question was banned from ever bringing in food again.

    2. Traveling Teacher*

      OMG, you have encapsulated all of my worst fears about potlucks right here. How in the world did they find out?! But thankfully they found out and let everyone know…but still!

      1. Master Bean Counter*

        It’s a mandatory reporting kind of situation. Either the employee could do it voluntarily and provide proof, or the Health Department would issue a wider warning.

        1. Traveling Teacher*

          Oh yeah, of course. I think my brain went into shock when I saw Hep A and potluck in the same sentence!

          1. Artemesia*

            Anyone who ever eats in restaurants should have Hep A vaccination and certainly anyone who travels. It is endemic in much of the world and among the populations most likely to be restaurant workers. Anyone can pick it up and potlucks are a great way to spread it; but so is a restaurant kitchen.

      2. Caitlin*

        I remember that! The cake from the Halloween party and everyone had a piece. Then the baker of the cake calls the office (on speaker) and says, “Here’s the thing about the cake…”

    4. Amber T*

      This actually happened a pretty popular restaurant in my area. I’d been there once and found it too pricy/too hipster (deconstructed food is a sin), but it was always packed, especially on the weekends. I think the owner was on Chopped once too. One morning I wake up to a dozen friends posting about this restaurant and Hep A exposure. The city ended up doing a massive free clinic in a public building near a friend’s office, and she said there was a massive line around a few blocks, blocking traffic, making parking a nightmare.

      1. Jesmlet*

        Hoping this is Bartaco since if it’s not, it’s happened in multiple places. This happened at a local restaurant and apparently one of those people also spread it to another country club. Seriously one of my worst nightmares. I know people who ate there during the window of time and were freaking out.

    7. clow*

      this is why i never eat food that comes from randos at work, ever. I only ever eat what I bring in or food from select people that I know very well. I am too paranoid about the state of health and cleanliness in other people’s homes.

    8. ggg*

      There was once a curry incident. It was really, really delicious. Almost worth the mild case of food poisoning. But others were hit harder.

  9. Midge*

    A couple of my coworkers were going out for lunch and I was staying in the office. They asked if I wanted anything, and I told them I was good. When they got back, one of them told me they brought me leftovers. She put a small silver foil packet on my desk. When I unwrapped it, it was literally the little end bit of a wrap or pita that she hadn’t finished. She was so nice and thoughtful otherwise, so I found this totally baffling.

    2. Midge*

      Oh! I also remembered that at same Old Job, there was a cafe onsite and one department sponsored free donuts from the cafe for everyone in the building one day a month. It was great! You were just supposed to show your ID (though this wasn’t always enforced) and check your name off the list. One of the high up admin assistants had to send SEVERAL scolding emails telling people they were only allowed one donut, and please don’t come back and pretend to be someone else(!!!) to get more donuts. The kicker is these donuts cost $1 normally. Just buy your own donuts, people.

      1. Midge*

        I wish I could remember! I don’t think there were bite marks in it. But I was so stunned, I think I immediately wrapped it back up and waited for an opportunity to throw it out.

    4. Rebecca in Dallas*

      LOL! One of my friends has a story about how on her first day at a new job, she and some of her new coworkers went out for lunch at a Mexican food restaurant. She ordered enchiladas and ate about half of the serving, and she eats her enchiladas across, so like half of each of the three enchiladas were remaining. (Hope that makes sense, all three enchiladas had bites out of them.) The waiter was clearing their plates and he asked my friend if she wanted a to-go box. She said no thank you, then one of her new coworkers said, “I’ll take hers.” So she took home a virtual stranger’s half-eaten leftovers. SO WEIRD!

    5. Alienor*

      Yuck! I have a work friend who will eat what I didn’t finish when we go out for lunch, but a.) we’ve been friends so long we’re not that worried about each other’s germs/he knows I don’t have hepatitis, and b.) he actually says “I’ll take the rest of [food item] if you’re done,” I don’t bring a little package of it back to the office and leave it on his desk like a cat presenting a headless mouse.

      1. Artemesia*

        Hep A is an acute infectious disease not a chronic one, so the fact that someone didn’t have it last week doesn’t mean they won’t have it today — and once they are well, they are no longer likely to be infectious. It is not chronic like Hep B or C which are transmitted sexually or through blood. Hep A is hand to mouth and spread through typical poor hygiene.

        1. nonegiven*

          When I was a kid, the neighbors were quarantined for Hep A. The girl said they thought it was from raw milk.

  10. AnnaleighUK*

    My flatmate has a near-fatal nut allergy and one time at her office, there was a bakeoff and she was one of the judges. Literally everyone baked something that had nuts in. Worst bake off ever or what?!

    At my oldwork, we once had a scone baking competition (I won actually) but so many people cheated and bought them from the bakery over the road. Like guys, we all go there for our sandwiches, we know those scones by sight. Nice try!

    1. Corky's wife Bonnie*

      My cousin is a hair stylist and her clients always bring her stuff at Christmas. She has that nut allergy too, and one client brought in fudge and she specifically asked if it had nuts because she was allergic and they said no. She ate a little bit and spit it out because she tasted peanut butter. And they just said, oh, I didn’t think of that. Well, she should have rinsed her mouth out because she landed in the ER in less than an hour. She no longer keeps anything clients give her.

      1. AnnaleighUK*

        Nut allergies are the worst and flatmate is really careful, but I’ve had to administer her Epipen more than once because someone’s said ‘there’s no nuts in that’ and it turns out there’s almond flour or pine kernels (which are technically a seed but she’s still allergic) in it and she’s reacted. She’s only been hospitalised once and we have a total ban on nut products in our flat. People have told her she’s just being fussy though – um, no? Allergies are Serious Business, people!

        1. Book Lover*

          That’s interesting! Pine nuts are actually really far removed from regular tree nuts. My daughter is allergic to tree nuts but adores pesto. There is a theoretical risk of reaction but I hadn’t known of anyone with issues before. I would be so sad if we couldn’t have pesto.

          1. LSP*

            I have a friend who is allergic to several kinds of tree nuts, but had always been fine with pistachios, until one day, he wasn’t. He was around 35 years old, eating some pistachios, and suddenly his tongue starts getting itchy. Then it starts to swell. Luckily, his wife was home and stabbed him with his Epipen.

          2. CookingGeek*

            You can always make pesto with pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds if someone is allergic to pine nuts. You don’t need the cheese, either, if someone is allergic to dairy (it’s called “poor man’s pesto”).

          3. Lady Jay*

            With pine nuts, one has to be cautious about “Pine Mouth”, in which the pine nuts (about 48 hours after consumption) cause one’s mouth to taste like metal. This happened to me about 4-5 years ago. I sprinkled some pine nuts on a salad, got pine mouth two days later (figured it out through, of all things, an internet forum I was part of at the time), and dealt with metal mouth for 3-4 days together. The only things that cut the taste were cinnamon gum and strong, black coffee. Citrus was totally out.

            I think I’ve had pesto once in the years since then, and generally avoid it like the plague.

            I’ll put a link to an article on pine mouth in the comments.

              1. JB (not in Houston)*

                As one of those articles says, some suspect it’s the (cheaper, I think?) species of pine nut that comes from China that is the culprit. But this article says it’s not yet clear. Just the same, I avoid the ones from China for now.

                2. Bryce*

                  It’s something I heard about growing up, and we lived in pine/pinon country so people got theirs fresh.

                3. another Liz*

                  After the melamine in dog and cat food several years ago, I eat nothing from China if I can help it. Scary thing is, it’s so hard to know.

            2. Julia*

              I once ate a persimmon that wasn’t ripe enough, and went into a frantic panic when my mouth went numb. I lived alone at that time and wasn’t sure if this was an allergic reaction, so I googled it and reassured myself. But boy was I scared at first.

        2. whatshername*

          As someone with a family history of severe food allergies, and being allergic to nuts and dairy and all sorts of crap myself, this. People can be so rudely skeptical. It’s like, if you’d like me to go into anaphylactic shock to prove I’m allergic to this food, okay, but I hope you’re prepared to pay all my hospital bills when it turns out I am actually allergic to this thing.

          1. Samata*

            Right?!? Is it really “all in my head” when my lips are triple there size and my face is purple because I can’t actually breathe? And does lying about it make the allergy go away?

            1. LittleLove*

              I have a friend with shellfish allergies. Someone once didn’t believe he was allergic and told him the salad had no shellfish. Just clam juice. Ambulance ended up interrupting the party. Delightful. Another friend has nut allergies, as does a niece, and they have to carry those ridiculously expensive EpiPens because some people just don’t get it.

            2. LSP*

              I actually have met people who lied about having allergies, simply because they were averse to saying they just didn’t like something. These people are the reason those people who DO have allergies have to struggle with people not believing them.

              Dude, it’s okay to not like coconut. I don’t like coconut (unless it’s toasted and covered in chocolate), but that doesn’t make you allergic. You’re not going to break out in hives, or stop breathing if you eat coconut.

              1. TootsNYC*

                except…why do we care? Just believe him, and tell him the truth about coconut. Does it hurt you any? Just believe him.

                Do you really want to force people to eat substances they don’t like?

                And, we all need to think about what that is, that he feels he has to lie about not liking something in order to get people to take him seriously.

                1. msmorlowe*

                  It depends: if you’re in food prep, protocol for “don’t like” vs “allergic” is really different and time consuming. Obviously, you don’t mind the extra cleaning, care, and time if someone is allergic but it is really annoying to needlessly go to all that effort.

                2. TootsNYC*

                  and if you’re close enough to someone to cook food for them, try to be the sort of person that will make them comfortable enough to say, “I just really don’t like it,” without having to worry about pushback.

                3. Rana*

                  My MIL’s husband hates fish, and claims he’s allergic as a way of getting people to not offer him any. If he just did that, it’d be mildly annoying for those of us who know, but not a big deal.

                  But he also boasts about how clever he is to have come up with this solution, and refuses to see it as anything problematic. That’s the part that makes me growl to myself.

              2. Trig*

                I have the weirdest, stupidest combo allergy, and I’m always so worried people are going to think I’m just being picky. I’m not! I *love* carrots and apples and celery! My guts just think they’re birch pollen!

              3. The Other Katie*

                As someone with a life-threatening allergy who’s been “surprised” by people previously, it’s not really people who lie about allergies that are the problem – it’s people who refuse to believe you when you say you have allergies. Sometimes, these people don’t even think allergies exist, or that “no one’s allergic to chocolate”, or whatever. While it’s not great that people sometimes lie about allergies, why does it matter in the first place? People who are communicating “I really, really don’t want to eat that” should be respected, no matter what the reason is.

                1. Specialk9*

                  I’ve read several people online post that their kid’s grandmother deliberately gave an allergic kid that allergen, to prove they’re not really allergic. (Cue ER and loss of grandchild access)

                2. The Other Katie*

                  Specialk9, that’s more common than you might think :( The reddit community justnomil is full of said stories. It happens to adults too, though at least we can excommunicate people who do it on our own.

              4. stephanie*

                Weirdly enough, I do the opposite. I have a mild allergy to pineapple, so I don’t eat it, but I’m not going to die from it, just get an annoying rash. I tell people I don’t like it, because trace amounts won’t make me sick and I don’t want people fussing over cleaning tools and such when it’s not necessary.

            3. Evan Þ*

              Well, uh, your lips and your face are part of your head?

              (But a lot of your respiratory tract isn’t, so…)

          2. CM*

            I think I’m going to say this the next time someone is blase about ingredients that I tell them my kid’s allergic to — “OK, but if this gives him an anaphylactic reaction, you’re paying the hospital bills.”

        3. MsChanandlerBong*

          Some people are just clueless about allergies. My friend’s ex believes allergies are made up. Their son has a grass allergy, and he has to take medication for it. The ex is always trying to stop the kid’s medication and tell him that grass allergies aren’t real.

          1. Specialk9*

            Oh yeah the most disturbed kid I know has a neglectful dad who seems to only pay attention long enough to pull him off his meds and run down therapists and western medicine. It’s heartbreaking.

      2. anon for this one*

        My mother in law is also a hair stylist whose clients bring her gifts of food. Someone brought her a piece of cake and, as she was eating it, she noticed something crunchy. She asked what was in the cake and it turned out one of the ingredients was pecans. “Well, you know, I’m allergic to pecans,” she said (this was someone she’d known for years). “Oh, I know,” said the client. “So I cut the amount of pecans in half.”

        (Her allergies aren’t anaphylaxis level – not yet, anyway – so she’s not as careful as she should be!)

      3. Becca*

        But peanuts aren’t nuts… I can see how someone wouldn’t have thought to mention peanuts since they’re beans. Still very terrifying, though! (My husband has a tree nut allergy, but he’s fine with peanuts—the first time we put chopped peanuts into stir-fry, he had a little freak-out with every bite even though he’s the one who made it!)

        1. LBK*

          While not scientifically accurate, I think most people would understand that in common parlance, peanuts are included in the “nuts” category…if I had a peanut allergy I would never describe myself as having a legume allergy. If anything that’s what would make it more likely that you’d unintentionally get something with peanuts because most people think of peanuts as a nut.

          1. Violet*

            A *lot* of people know peanuta are not exactly nuts but are legumes. Most people on my social circles know peanut allergies are a thing and nut allergies are a thing but they’re different things. If someone said “are there nuts in this?” And it only had peanut something I’d probably know to say, “no, but it has peanuts”… But I wouldn’t just say yes. People without experience with a close friend or family member needing to avoid certain ingredients can clearly be so very bad at realizing what is in the food they consume though.

            1. nonegiven*

              Sometimes the peanut package says processed in a facility that also processes nuts. So the peanuts could be cross contaminated.

          2. MrsMac*

            I have a friend whose child has a legume allergy. When she tells people, my friend describes it as a peanut, soy and legume allergy because while people do sometimes get that peanuts are legumes, they often forget that soy is in almost everything, and is a legume.

            1. Not a Morning Person*

              Yes, my MIL has this allergy, among many. And it’s very difficult because so many processed foods contain soy, which is a bean, and when people are told she’s allergic to beans, they typically do not think of soy. She has to be vigilant.

        2. Bryce*

          They aren’t, but cross-contamination between the two is so common that many folks who are allergic to one avoid the other like the plague.

      4. Zirco*

        Our allergy doc says that grandma’s are the number one cause of anaphylactic shock.

        My daughter has an extremely severe peanut allergy, so my mother-in-law bought creamy peanut butter for her, rather than chunky. (Thankfully, it got nowhere near my daughter.)

        1. Not that Kat*

          Over on the non-cesspit part of Reddit in the JustnoMIL subreddit, grandmothers refusing to believe that their grandchildren could ever be allergic to anything ever is one of the most common themes, too. Although for a lot of them, it’s not carelessness or ignorance. They just refused to believe their grandchild could have “a defect” like an allergy.

          1. Rusty Shackelford*

            And on motherinlawstories dot com, stories about MILs who give their allergic DILs or grandchildren allergens to prove they’re lying are pretty common.

          2. Me2*

            OMG, obsessed with that subreddit. I spend way too much time on there. I’m learning how to be a justyesMIL, hopefully.

          4. Hlyssande*

            It’s so heartbreaking to read those stories even as I live for the drama. That one MIL who would put a cookie in her purse ahead of every visit…banana, wasn’t it? That poor family.

            1. Turtledove*

              Peanut butter banana, yes. I was about to mention that particular story, if no one else had by the time I got to the end of this comment thread; the part that threw me the most about the whole thing was that this particular MIL was making whole *batches* of these cookies and freezing them! Just so that she could always have a cookie to put in her purse, in the hopes of finding a chance to slip it to the granddaughter.

              At least the police were getting involved with that one, because the hospital called them after it became clear that the MIL had done this completely on purpose to try and “prove” that grandkid wasn’t really allergic to peanuts and bananas and eggs – and nearly killed the grandkid in the process.

        2. Say what, now?*

          My son isn’t allergic to dairy but he has a sensitivity that results in pretty bad diarrhea when he eats it. So we avoid dairy as much as possible. It’s possible that he’ll outgrow his sensitivity but I wish I’d never passed that on to my dad because now every time we see him he always asks “is he past it yet?” The kid is 2!!! He’s only been eating solid food for about a year and some change so how about we just give it some time here? Also, I worry that my dad will try and test the theory when I’m not around and leave me to deal with it later. Grandparents are two parts blessing, one part ulcer.

          1. Artemesia*

            My granddaughter grew out of an egg allergy she had as a toddler; she is now 7. Hope that happens for your son.

          2. Wanna-Alp*

            One possibility is to lie and say that your doctor has said he’ll grow out of it at puberty, but we need to be really careful about it until then. See if that convinces him (you are absolutely right about being worried that he might try and test it when you’re not around).

            By the time puberty arrives, your child will be able to police his own food.

      5. Interested Bystander*

        Corky’s wife Bonnie,
        As someone with severe food allergies, rinsing out the mouth won’t do a thing. My face has blown up like a balloon from being in the same room as the fruits that I am allergic to. Best thing to do on contact like that is take 4 benedryll and then be less than 100% productivity for the rest of the day.

    2. Colette*

      I find it really odd that someone with a nut allergy would be expected to judge baking. That’s such an easy thing to mess up when you’re not used to dealing with it.

      1. Vegan Atheist Weirdo*

        That’s my reaction as well. Even if this person happened to have some special credentials that made her the “best” person to judge, I’d have recommended against it. Nuts are so very common a part of baking ingredients. What a silly arrangement!

      2. AnnaleighUK*

        She actually thought they did it on purpose because nobody in her department took her allergy seriously. You’ll be pleased to hear HR and the Health and Safety guy at her place came down on everyone like a ton of bricks after the Bake Off and there was a ban on nuts in the office that will stand until she leaves. She did think it was mildly amusing but wasn’t impressed because she loves baking – thats why she was asked to judge, because her bakes for people’s birthdays and office parties were legendary.

        1. Alli525*

          So… they made her a judge because they didn’t want her to win? Because that’s what it sounds like!

          2. Trig*

            Probably more like “to give everyone else a chance”. Which may not be fair, but there are probably people who would have heard she was participating and said “oh, I won’t bother entering then.”

            1. nonegiven*

              Oh there was a trap shoot like that. DH’s coworker won so many shotguns they decided to make a rule that instead of winning your division bumped you to the next, only winning a shotgun bumped you up.
              The divisions were novice, winner and pro. DH won novice, once, after many years of competition. His coworker came in second in the winner’s division 3 or 4 years in a row. At least twice it came down to a shoot off between her and a young guy. She joked, at least he has to tell people he beat a grandma.

              Then they made the rule and DH came in third and got bumped to pro. They were shooting ~90% in his division. The pros can shoot all day waiting for somebody to miss.

    3. rosiebyanyothername*

      Ah, allergies at the office. I have a lot of stories. Mostly about people whining that I’m “ruining their fun” by having a dairy allergy? People get worked up as hell when I turn down mysterious unlabeled baked goods.

      1. ByLetters*

        I hate that attitude, but what I hate even more is people pretending that they have an allergy to get out of eating something — because THAT is why others are cavalier about those of us who actually have allergies. I had a coworker, when ordering pizza for our workplace, stress to the pizza place that she was ALLERGIC to broccoli.

        She wasn’t. She and I had literally just had a conversation about how much she hated the taste.

        With her standing in front of me, I dialed the pizza place back after she’d hung up and told them — while staring at her — that there were no allergies but that the person who ordered just did not like broccoli. Then told her flatly that stunts like that were why people made light of real allergies, resulting in (as others have noted above) real physical harm. In our industry, there are even stories of deaths from those who have served guests but thought that their allergies weren’t “real” or weren’t “serious.”

        Honestly surprised she still talked to me after that, but we had a pretty frank relationship with each other.

        1. Natalie*

          because THAT is why others are cavalier about those of us who actually have allergies.

          Eh, I’m inclined to think the primary cause of other people being cavalier is because they are jerks.

          1. GotWings*

            Yep. And if a certain food makes you sick, and claiming an allergy is the only way to make sure you don’t get it, I completely understand why someone makes that claim.

            If eateries could be relied upon to get the order right, there would be no need to claim allergies.

            I’m always amazed watching cookery shows that judges seem willing and able to taste and eat everything offered. If I accidentally take a bite of something I strongly dislike, either I’m spitting it out or I’m going to vomit. The visceral reaction will be that strong.

            1. a*

              Exactly!!

              My aunt was born with a congenital health condition that totally screwed up her digestive tract. The list of things that would make her sick was long and unpredictable. And even SHE didn’t always know what was going to give her problems. So she tended to play it very, very, very safe and avoid certain foods.

              Was she ALLERGIC? No. She wouldn’t go into anaphylaxis. But she would be in hell a few hours after dinner. Just because someone isn’t reacting before your very eyes doesn’t mean they are whiners or fakers.

              The thing is, my aunt was kind of a meek lady (because, in her case, years of being shamed and disbelieved about her condition had basically beaten down her spirit) and it was very easy to just not take her seriously or think she was being “histrionic” or whatever. The more people dismissed her, the worse that got. Feedback loop ensued.

              Just take people seriously. Your inconvenience does not trump someone’s health.

            2. Jen S. 2.0*

              I think I don’t draw much of a distinction between “allergic” and “makes me sick.” I read somewhere that a food making you sick is the body’s way of letting you know that your body DOES NOT LIKE that food, which eventually could become an anaphylaxis-level allergy. There’s something of a spectrum for allergies. If anaphylaxis is a 9 out of 10, makes you sick is more like a 2 or 3.

              Note: Although there are a lot of foods I do not like, I’m very lucky to have no allergies, yay! But the smell of raw pumpkin guts makes me throw up. After a couple of “Mommy, I don’t feel so good”s in the pumpkin patch as a kid, we all decided that we could live without carved pumpkins in the household. So while I doubt pumpkin bread would kill me, and I’m not officially allergic to pumpkin, I don’t feel obligated to seek out pumpkin-y things. Why chance it, if pumpkin makes me sick?

              1. Samata*

                This is pretty much where I land. Dairy doesn’t send me into anaphylaxis, but it makes my calves and feet swell up so badly sometimes I can’t wear my dress shoes….so while not allergic I definitely have a intolerance. To me anything that causes any type of adverse reaction (puking, swelling, cramping, etc.) is OK to be classified as an allergy.

              2. Anon today...and tomorrow*

                Potatoes are my makes me sick food. I can literally only eat them in shoestring french fry style…and only if cooked to a near crisp. People go on and on about mashed potatoes, especially this time of year, but the smell alone is enough to send me running for the bathroom. I will pick potatoes out of all stews and soups and leave them in a little pile on the side of the plate. I have a very clear memory of doing this once as a child and my aunt getting upset with me about not eating them and forcing me to do so. I warned her that they made me sick. She still insisted. I ate them and then got sick all over the kitchen table. Another time an uncle offered me $20 to eat a serving of mashed potatoes. I ate them, got my money and proceeded to get sick all over his shoes.

              3. Elizabeth West*

                I ended up with an intolerance to broccoli after a year-long regimen of warfarin. During the treatment, I had to avoid it and spinach because of the vitamin K (clotting), so when it ended, I was really excited to have those foods again.

                Spinach doesn’t bother me–luckily, since I adore spinach salad–but I can’t eat broccoli anymore without getting a monster stomachache afterward. I just have to avoid it. This makes me sad. I like broccoli. Why couldn’t this have happened with cauliflower, which I hate?!?!

            3. Artemesia*

              Onions make me sick; it is not an allergy and in restaurants I make clear that it is a sensitivity not an allergy so it is just a matter of not putting them on my salad or whatever but accidental cross contamination is not an issue. I like them; they just make me sick.

          2. JB (not in Houston)*

            Yeah, seeing family members and coworkers who aren’t responsible for making my food dismiss my food allergies tells me that it’s not just people lying to wait staff. It doesn’t help the problem, sure, but that’s not the sole cause.

        2. MustNotBeNamed*

          I don’t know, this doesn’t bother me as much as I know it does other people. I know plenty of people who have asked for their meal without some ingredient because they don’t like it, and have been ignored. So they say “allergy” to make sure their preferences are respected. In an ideal world, this wouldn’t be necessary, but I can’t really be mad at people who do this to make sure they don’t eat something they can’t stand.

            1. Specialk9*

              It’s an ignorant thing to do – ignorant in the sense of ‘deeply rude’ though hopefully also ‘lacking knowledge’ – because it forces a restaurant kitchen to kick into allergy protocol, which is extensive and timely and delays everyone’s food. Not cool – you’re not the center of the universe, say you can’t eat a food and stress that it makes you sick so please be super careful, but it’s not an allergy. Allergies kill people. Don’t make people doubt allergies.

          2. Stone Satellite*

            If I ask for a meal without an ingredient I don’t like, and it comes with the ingredient I don’t like, I send it back. I’m not sure why that’s not the right answer in nearly every case where you are provided food by an establishment.

            1. GotWings*

              Because it either means you have to eat after your dining companions or everyone has to sit and wait for you, and either eat cold food or get the kitchens to remake every meal.

        3. Beatrice*

          My sister in law once claimed, to a family member who had known her all her life, that she was allergic to tomatoes, to get out of eating something with stewed tomatoes in it. She eats tomatoes regularly. At the time, we had a joint family garden on her parents’ farm, where we grew tomatoes. We canned tomatoes, tomato sauce, and salsa every year. The food that was offered did not look appetizing at all and I don’t blame her for not wanting any – I politely declined it myself – but lying about being allergic to tomatoes of all things, to someone who knows her well, was dumb and annoying. I was too stunned to even say anything. (We no longer garden together, in part because she also exaggerates illnesses and injuries to get out of doing her fair share of the work….she’s in her 40s and is incapable of just saying no without some kind of lie to lubricate it.)

        4. Kelsi*

          While I understand where you’re coming from, I find it very frustrating that people’s takeaway from that is “allergies aren’t real/serious” vs. “if someone asks me to make sure there is not [ingredient X] in their food, it doesn’t matter why, it’s my job to make sure it is not there in any capacity.”

          Like…why can’t we just take people at their word when they say “this is how I need my food to be”? Whether that’s “it cannot have any nuts or nut-derived products or be made on the same equipment as anything with nuts” or “it cannot have any broccoli, no really, don’t just assume it won’t actually ask please.”

          1. GotWings*

            Exactly. It is entirely reasonable that adults should not be forced to eat what they don’t like, that restaurants should prepare food as ordered, and that not liking someone’s food isn’t considered a personal insult.

            Unfortunately, none of those things are reliably true.

          2. Magenta Sky*

            There are a lot of restaurants run by people who genuinely believe they know how you like your food better than you do. (I don’t eat at places like that. not because I have any allergies, but because I don’t like places with crappy service.)

            And there are a lot of people who are so terrified of any form of confrontation that they are unable to just say “You know, I don’t like xxx in my food, so please leave that out,” so they come up with a lie that makes it “not my fault.” (I do not have any problem with confrontation.)

            And thus, we live in the world we live in.

          3. Rusty Shackelford*

            As someone pointed out upthread, from the food preparer’s standpoint, an allergy is a LOT more work than a preference. So we’re forcing Food Prep Person #2 to go through allergy protocol because, at one time, Food Prep Person #1 at a different restaurant ignored a customer’s preference. It sucks for everybody except Food Prep Person #1.

            1. paul*

              and not even all allergies are equal.

              if you crush some peanuts with a knife, and use it tcut my steak, I’m fine. Someone else may not be.

              1. TL -*

                Yup. I don’t tell restaurants about my nuts or corn allergies because they’re easy to avoid (I pick “boring” food) and I don’t have a problem with cross contamination. I tell them about my gluten (technically wheat but easier to shorthand gluten) allergy because, while it’s also mild, I’m super sensitive to cross contamination and I do need them to go through allergy prep or the rest of my day is going to be pretty crappy.

            2. Turtle Candle*

              There’s also the fact that in some cases, if you claim an allergy, the restaurant may refuse to serve you if they don’t believe they’re set up to avoid cross-contamination effectively. A friend of mine was incensed when she said she had an allergy to an ingredient (she did not, she just didn’t like it) and the chef said, basically, that he could not accommodate her because he could not guarantee a lack of cross-contamination, and he was not going to take that risk with a customer’s health. “I’m not actually VERY allergic,” she said, but he was adamant. She was angry, but I kind of understood his point: he didn’t want to be in the position of determining exactly how much of Ingredient X might send her to the hospital, or to try to explain on Yelp “she said it was okay!”

              1. TL -*

                Yes! I can eat in places with peanut shells everywhere and be just fine but I do. not. tell them about my peanut allergy because it’s not going to do anything but worry them; I just order food that is obviously peanut free (steak, green beans, baked potato. Yum.)

              2. ..Kat..*

                As someone with food intolerances, I would rather a chef be honest and tell me this than risk being exposed to something that makes me sick. I accept that not every restaurant can accommodate my dietary needs.

              3. Specialk9*

                It makes me really happy that the chef burned someone who was exaggerating or lying about allergies. My family member can die from trace cross contamination so my tolerance of people who lie about allergies is very low.

              4. Glad She's Out of the Restaurant Business*

                Back when I managed a restaurant, we would do something similar. The preparation protocols varies greatly for (1) customer doesn’t like a food; (2) customer has a mild allergy, but is fine with potential cross-contamination; and (3) customer has a serious allergy and cross-contamination is a concern.

                I never minded working with customers with actual allergies to make sure that we could serve them something safe and delicious. But some guests did seem to be faking allergies when what they actually meant was they preferred not to eat a certain food. Once you’ve told me that you have a severe allergy and cross-contamination is a concern, I am not going to serve you something that could be problematic. I’m worried about your health and safety and my own liability.

                Sadly, our kitchen was so small that we only had a single fryer and therefore were not able to have a gluten-free or shell-fish free. If you tell me that you are deathly allergic to shellfish, you cannot have any fried foods, because the fryer oil will cause cross-contamination. It’s amazing how many people would get furious when I would explain that since they told me that they have a severe shellfish allergy, I am unable to serve them deep-fried chicken fingers, but would be happy to have the chef do a pan-fried version.

                People can just be odd about their food. Back in my serving days, I had someone curse me out and threaten to call the cops on me because they were a vegetarian and I had served them meat. They never told me they were a vegetarian and they ordered the “Prosciutto Salad.” Apparently they didn’t know what prosciutto was and instead of asking they just expected me to magically know that they were vegetarian and stop them from ordering something with meat in it.

          4. Cass in Canada*

            As some with moderate food allergies, it makes me angry when people claim to have an allergy when it’s really a preference. I used to work in a kitchen and our allergy protocol was way more intensive than if it was a preference. I once was at a lunch where a gluten free meal had been ordered for me ahead of time because of a wheat allergy. My coworker stole my lunch claiming she was also gluten free, but then ate a bunch of wheat cookies in front of me while I was trying to figure out what I could eat. I wasn’t happy at all. Luckily the caterer felt terrible and got someone to bring a second lunch.

            1. Artemesia*

              Any time special meals are ordered they need to be named. I can’t count the number of times, the meat eaters have snarfed up all the vegetarian options because they ‘wanted to give it a try’ or ‘taste that’ or ‘I’ve never had tofu before.’

              1. Cat*

                I have sadly had to take vegetarian meals sometimes because everything is pork??? (I do not eat pork). I feel very bad but I also cannot eat anything else.

                That said, I get real annoyed when there is only one cheese pizza and the pepperoni eaters are eating it too…

                1. WellRed*

                  But the vegetarians don’t eat pork either. Honestly, I am surprised that serving pork, which I also don’t eat, is a thing when the event organizers could serve banquet chicken ; )

              2. Turtle Candle*

                One of the first things I learned when working a conference is that if you have something laid out buffet-style, and there are, say, one fish entree, one beef/chicken/pork entree, and one vegetarian/vegan entree, that people will assume that they can have some of all three if they want. So you either need enough of the vegetarian/vegan entree for the vegetarians/vegans to have enough even if all the omnivores grab a helping too, or you need special plates. There’s simply no way to train enough people to leave the vegetarian option alone unless they need it.

        5. Magenta Sky*

          Who the hell puts broccoli on pizza? What pizza place does that so routinely that you have to tell them not to?

          ???

            1. Magenta Sky*

              I guess I shouldn’t criticize. I like Hawaiian pizza. Some people believe that pineapple on pizza is a war crime.

              But I just don’t get broccoli on pizza. I’d rather just eat it by itself, with some lemon juice.

        6. TootsNYC*

          But wait–why do you care? Do you want to force her to eat broccoli?
          And maybe she lies about it being an allergy because of people like you–people who insist she can pick off the broccoli, or refuse to take her dislikes seriously.

          Frankly, we should all just believe people when they say they’re allergic, even if it’s just that they don’t like it.

          1. LavaLamp*

            Because it probably stops the kitchen while they clean everything and make the persons food special. There is a lot that goes into cross contamination prevention for allergies, kosher kitchens etc.

          2. Pinky Pie Chart*

            It’s not just keeping the ingredient out of the food served. It’s cleaning the knives and the counters and the grills and everything else that might come in contact with that ingredient. If eating the ingredient causes you extreme distress (sensitivities can be just as bad as allergies in their own way), saying your allergic is good shorthand.

          3. Specialk9*

            She called the restaurant to clarify that, while there should be no broccoli, they didn’t have to follow full allergy protocol. It was a dick maneuver to falsely claim allergy instead of preference or sensitivity. The good prep protocol is very different.

      2. Interested Bystander*

        Or when I tell them that they can’t have their banana bread or peach cobbler in the break room next to my office. (Someone really should have thought about this before putting the employee with anaphylaxis next door to the break room.)

          1. Interested Bystander*

            I think it was lack of planning. As in they didn’t even think until I had to go home with a puffed up face.

    4. Science!*

      So many people don’t understand nut allergies, and often don’t realize how often they use nut based items in their cooking.

      My mom is allergic to tree nuts (walnuts, almonds, pistachios but weirdly not chestnuts) but she’s not allergic to peanuts (legumes!). But when she tells people she’s allergic to tree nuts but not peanuts it just confuses them. For my wedding I told my caterer that my mom was highly allergic to tree nuts but not peanuts and make sure the menu was tree nut free. The initial menu had an item made with pistachios so I reminded him of the allergy. The next menu had something with almonds. I wasn’t sure if he was not paying attention or if the peanut part of my request was confusing him so the next time I said NO NUTS at all and it worked. I still insisted my mom carry an epipen to the wedding just in case.

      1. Rainy*

        We’re doing wedding planning and I just flatly said “we’re going to have nothing I’m allergic to at my wedding, just in case”. Too bad, people who like chicken, shrimp, turkey, beans, brassicas, brazil nuts, tuna, tofu, and bananas. No shrimp cocktails, no gross chicken breasts swimming in subpar sauces, no brussels sprouts, no dreadful massaged kale salads or whatever horrid manifestation of kale is popular next year. You’ll eat what’s safe for me and like it, guests. :P

        1. Hillary*

          We recently went to a wedding where the bride was vegetarian – it was fantastic. First time in my life I could eat an entire buffet.

          I felt bad for the guy at our table allergic to mushrooms though. I suspect he snuck out for a burger.

          2. Z*

            I went to a wedding where the entire buffet was gluten free.

            I believe there are delicious gluten-free foods out there.

            But none of them were on the buffet line.

            1. Artemesia*

              This was our experience at a vegan wedding. I know there are good vegan foods; I have eaten with vegan friends at a pretty good vegan restaurant in Chicago. But most of the time, my experience has been grim — or else they are full of onions to give flavor and I can’t eat that.

        2. Science!*

          When I was planning my wedding everyone told me that the Wedding Couple Never Eat at the Wedding! I guess cause we are so busy talking to everyone? I said “No thank you! I will eat because I will be quite cranky if I don’t.” So we have one server at the wedding whose job was to check in on us once and a while and make sure we had food. She escorted us to the table once to make sure we sat and ate and took a short break. Best server ever!

          1. Rainy*

            My bff got a special dedicated server for her and her husband when they got married, and it was the only reason they got any food at all. I’m inclined to copy her, because it seems like the only other way to make sure you get something to eat is a sweetheart table and I don’t want one.

            Also I plan on drinking a LOT of champagne, so food would probably be a good idea.

            1. Specialk9*

              You might reconsider the ‘drinking LOTS of champagne’ at your wedding plan. You really *won’t* eat much, you’ll be stressed and jittery and have fractured attention, and so the likelihood is high that you’ll accidentally get super trashed and be the subject of family gossip forever, or end up on YouTube. I recommend you put aside bottles of champagne for after – your honeymoon or whenever – and get as blotto as you want when you can relax utterly.

          2. chocolate lover*

            My now mother-in-law said something similar when my husband and I were planning. We were having a n informal, backyard event with a Justice of the Peace and catered BBQ. My husband said as far as we were concerned, this was a party that happened to have a marriage ceremony at the beginning, and we were going to eat what and when we wanted, and the mingling would work around it. I silently cheered because I wasn’t the one who had to say it.

            I definitely didn’t eat as much as I expected, due to nerves, but I ate when I wanted to.

          3. Not a Morning Person*

            2 examples; 1) At my wedding, a dear friend followed me around with a plate and a glass and whenever there was the slightest break between people wishing us well, she offered the food and the drink so I was not dehydrated or starved. Best friend forever.
            2) I attended a wedding this past weekend and the father of the groom told us that the reception venue had a small private room where after all the guests had left, they served the two sets of parents and the bride and groom. It was an opportunity for them to visit and eat and have a small, quiet, after party and get to enjoy something to eat and drink. He said it was very nice and is something they are known for.

            1. Rainy*

              Yeah, I also have a brideswoman who intends to staff me at the wedding, so that will probably help a lot as well. I’m also going to make sure there’s a “snickers pocket” in my and my brideswomen’s faux fur stoles so that we can all stash some calories.

          4. Rana*

            Yup. My husband and I asked a friend to make sure that we actually ate at our wedding. It was hard, even with the help!

          1. Rainy*

            Cruciferous vegetables, including brussels sprouts, kale, cabbage, radishes, cauliflower, broccoli, romanesco, all that stuff. Mustard doesn’t seem to bother me fortunately, but I can’t eat the other stuff except sometimes a little sauerkraut (I think the fermentation helps).

      2. Rusty Shackelford*

        I wonder if people just don’t understand that almonds and pistachios also grow on trees. Maybe he thought you meant only pecans and walnuts, since those were the nut trees he was aware of.

        1. 2 Cents*

          Honestly, I don’t know what nuts grow on trees and which don’t. I know peanuts don’t fall into that category, but I’d be hard-pressed to name how others in the nut family grow.

          1. Elsajeni*

            Yeah, my impression is that “tree nut allergy” ESSENTIALLY means “I’m allergic to everything you’d call ‘a nut’ that isn’t a peanut,” but I actually have no idea if that’s including some other not-technically-nuts or, scarier, if I might be missing something that technically IS a nut but doesn’t register as one. (It seems like a common enough allergy that I would expect a caterer to have a better grasp on it, though!)

            1. Azure Jane Lunatic*

              A caterer I was working with for a work function checked in about coconuts when there was a nut allergy. Possibly because there was “nut” in the name. I appreciated the diligence.

        2. whingedrinking*

          If we’re getting all hair-splitty about peanuts not being nuts, technically almonds aren’t either. (They’re more closely related to peaches and plums.) In the culinary sense, though, if someone says “no nuts” without any qualifiers, I just go ahead and eliminate anything that has a shell.

        3. Specialk9*

          I have very hazy understanding of nut cultivation. I am pretty sure peanuts grow in the dirt, but that blew my mind when I learned it. Other than that, I dunno, trees like apples? Bushes like raspberries?

          1. Rainy*

            Peanuts are geocarpic members of the Fabaceae family, meaning that the fertilized ovary that will become the peanut hull and seeds grows into the ground after the flower is pollinated and develops there. It’s weird and pretty rare.

    5. Bryce*

      That’s why in the rules you specify that killing a judge is an instant DQ and frame the necessary ingredients to avoid as a competition challenge.

  11. Cinnamonroll*

    My building was the site of the company training rooms – so there is usually someone holding a training on any given day. Because many of those are for offsite employees, lunch is provided and set up on tables in the halls outside of the training rooms. One of our employees is famous for showing up at end of day to load up FedEx envelopes with remaining food. Pizza, sloppy joe sandwiches, tossed salad. She never brings in plastic bags or tupperware, just fills up those cardboard envelopes and takes them back to her desk.

    3. EddieSherbert*

      That’s very strange…. hahaha.

      (eco-friendly? But why not bring in some reusable tupperware-type thing then?)

      1. SignalLost*

        Not even a little. Presumably the company has to replace the envelopes, and someone somewhere is paying for that as well as contributing to deforestation.

        I think people think they can pretend they’re not doing Weird Thing A by doing Weird thing B and hoping people will focus on B.

      2. Emilitron*

        I’m imagining the through process: “I can’t bring in tupperware, that would make it look like I was planning my meals around these leftovers, or relying on it to feed my children and that would look weird. I’ll just casually take some extra if it happens to be there when I happen to walk by at the end of the day. And I’ll put it in the cardboard container that just happens to be in the mailroom. It’s all a big coincidence.”

      3. the gold digger*

        Our friends T&K host a big Thanksgiving. The year the Weird People were no longer invited back was the year they

        1. Brought their own Tupperware (which is not so weird) and
        2. Filled their Tupperware with food on their FIRST PASS AT THE BUFFET.

        1. Miss Pantalones en Fuego (formerly Floundering Mander)*

          What! The first pass??

          I once went to a Thanksgiving party where the hosts said in advance that they didn’t want to have any leftovers, so one of my contributions to the meal was a pack of cheap plastic containers and some zip lock bags. But. They were used after the host begged us to fill them up.

  12. Anony Today*

    There was a problem with evening-shift employees stealing food from the catering fridge. This was a special fridge that held stuff for events that needed to be stored ahead of time like items for the cheese/sandwich trays and drinks. After many warnings and threats, the company installed a lock on the fridge instead of disciplining the culprits.
    The fridge was broken into the first night and the lock destroyed.

      1. Anony Today*

        That’s the most frustrating part, they had cameras and you need a security badge to get into the area with the fridge. They knew exactly who had been stealing but no one wanted to address the problem directly. It goes to show ya, if you ignore a problem long enough then you’ll end up with a broken refrigerator.

      2. Lady Phoenix*

        Security camera, antalk with night shift supervisors, and discipline.

        Also, firing for damage to the lock

      1. Alli525*

        A coworker did this to my gum stash once (I bought it for my team, but they were not permitted to break into my desk to get it when their addictions got out of hand), and I immediately stopped the gum supply. My other teammates knew I still had some if they asked nicely, but the one bad apple really did spoil the bunch.

        1. AMT*

          Good God, I read that as “gun stash.” My brain was somehow prepared to accept that bringing your gun collection to work is occasionally necessary and appropriate.

          2. Alli525*

            LOL. Nope, I live & work in NYC, so the need or possibility for me to have a gun (let alone a stash) is basically nil.

            1. Cat*Lady*

              Wayne Campbell: “I don’t even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack.”

    4. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain*

      Wow. That’s pretty…um…well someone had a pretty significant sense of entitlement didn’t they. That’s way beyond a hungry person with low self control snagging something that’s easily available. Did they get fired after that?

  13. Not Tom, just Petty*

    quick happy office food story:
    My department (forty people) ran a chili cookoff a few years. It was fun. About ten people participated, everyone tasted them and the top three won prizes. We had a cheesecake cook off as well. Only like 5 people participated, but everyone got to eat. It was cool because the higher ups decided that everyone who entered would get a prize.

    1. MechanicalPencil*

      A cheesecake cookoff would be my dream cookoff to judge. That sounds glorious all the way around.

      1. LavaLamp*

        Many years ago; my work would do a chili cook off. The judges were impartial as we invited local marines to come and judge, while they dropped off the toys for tots boxes. I kind of miss that particular tradition.

    2. Annie Moose*

      OldJob did a chili cookoff for Thanksgiving once! It was so good. We had some killer entries, ranging from quite tame to so spicy I could only eat a bite or two.

  14. Teena*

    I have a coworker who calls herself “almost vegetarian”, as the only meat she eats is fish (pescetarian). Years ago there was another coworker (gone now) who seemed offended by this and would badger her all the time to eat other meats. We had a potluck and the badgering coworker brought a big bowl with a label on it reading “tuna salad”. The pescetarian tried some with prompting from the badger, whereupon the badger gleefully announced it was actually chicken salad, not tuna! The pescetarian immediately ran to the bathroom to throw up as the rest of the room started yelling at the badger, who gave an Oscar-winning performance of I Don’t Understand What I Did Wrong. Sheesh.

    2. selina kyle*

      Oh, I have about the same diet habits and would be enraged! What a disgusting trick for that guy to pull – and he gets nothing out of it. I will never understand people like that.

      1. SLR*

        This would have made me rage so hard! I also don’t eat meat, but do eat seafood. Since I haven’t had meat in so long I KNOW when stuff’s made with things like chicken stock or whatever because there is IMMEDIATE gastrointestinal distress! What a jerk that guy was!

        1. selina kyle*

          People can be SO weird about vegetarians. It is frustrating. It’s like – I don’t care what you’re eating, I just don’t want to eat meat.

        2. TheCupcakeCounter*

          My soon-to-be sister-in-law is the same. Went pescatarian for a combo of health and personal reasons many years ago and a friend tried so hard and made her a nice soup and within 15 minutes she knew something was wrong. Poor friend used one of those chicken bouillon cubes without thinking and was absolutely crushed and apologized profusely. Then they had grilled cheese.

        3. the gold digger*

          I had a vegetarian boyfriend. A month before I took him to my mom’s for a visit, she was calling me almost every day to ask what he could eat and what should she make. (Like – can he eat pie crust with lard in it?)

          She now caters to Primo, who has no moral/physical problems with anything, but does not like food that ends in “-erry” or that has “that orange flavor.” Or beans. Except black beans.

    3. JD*

      I will never comprehend why anyone cares if someone else doesn’t eat something. I taught my old boss my favorite trick. I despise coconut and pineapple. Someone ALWAYS will tell you, “no no THIS is the best pineapple you’ll love it!” I have tried it many times, I just don’t like it, whatever. I told my old boss I would tell people I was allergic. No one ever bothers you about it after that. She took that idea herself and thanked me for the tip.

      But really, why the obsession over what other people eat? If someone doesn’t chose to eat something, regardless of the reason, who the heck cares.

      1. Bagpuss*

        I wouldn’t do this, or encourage others to, as it can contribute to genuine allergies not being taken seriously.

        (Also, can result in huge amounts of extra work for anyone who does believe you and takes it seriously, although that’s probably more of an issue in restaurants etc)

        1. SignalLost*

          Generally, in restaurants, you don’t have to tell them you’re allergic to something when you’re not. You just don’t order it or you ask if it can be removed. I don’t, for example, order Chicken Parmesan at Italian restaurants because I hate it. I don’t need to claim an allergy to explain why I’m not eating it.

          1. Squeeble*

            I think Bagpuss is referring to specific ingredients that may or may not be in a dish, not the entire dish itself.

            I hate tomatoes, so I might order a burger and specify that I don’t want the tomato slice. But I’m not going to say I’m allergic to tomatoes, because they might go to the trouble of using a different cutting board, knife, etc. to put my meal together when it’s not necessary.

            1. SignalLost*

              Right. And I specify that I’m not allergic when I say I don’t want the avocado. It’s very different to deal with a restaurant than it is to deal with a social group about food, is the point I was making. Whether it creates unhealthy assumptions for people to harm others with, the fact that we have so eroded the idea of respecting others’ choices about their food is the main problem. I commend people for solving that problem in the way that works, and wish it were different at the same time. But restaurants are much more pick n’ mix than the person who says “yeah, well, try THIS fish, I guarantee you’ll like it!”

        2. CM*

          Agreed, as the parent of an allergic kid, please don’t pretend to have allergies! Then when you eat the thing and don’t die, people are like, See, I knew that allergies were fake. Or more realistically, restaurants that are not so aware will say, “Jane and Wakeen told me they had nut allergies. They were fine when I took their pre-prepped salad with nuts and just picked off the nuts and threw them away. And nobody complained when I used the same serving spoon for the food with nuts to serve them. So that’s an appropriate way to handle allergies.” But this can be dangerous for people with actual allergies.

          1. Natalie*

            It seems like the exact same thought process will happen when anyone doesn’t *seem* to have a reaction, no matter why that is. Not everyone is calling the restaurant to tell them they had cross contamination (my celiac friend never tells restaurants they glutened her; she doesn’t see the point). Or has a delayed reaction. Or has a mild reaction that isn’t obvious to an observer.

            1. Rainy*

              I have a bunch of allergies that cause either migraines or violent diarrhea, but never sooner than 1 hour after exposure, and sometimes up to 4 hours, depending on how much of the allergen was in it, and I’ve had people say triumphantly “I put chicken stock in that sauce last time and you were fine!” and I’m like “yeah, I looked fine for an hour and then I went home and had explosive diarrhea all night, cheers for that”.

              1. Alexandra Lynch*

                I have a similar delayed reaction to brassicas and many beans. Oh, I’ll be fine for about an hour and a half, and then I will be spending the next three days close to the bathroom while my gut rages about what I sent down and then refuses to work and then finally settles down to a normal median operational mode.

                I don’t care how nice you do broccoli, nothing in the world is worth going through that.

            2. JB (not in Houston)*

              Yep, I have downed benadryl at a restaurant rather than report that they accidentally gave me an allergic reaction (the only times I’ve had to use an epi pen, i did it to myself). I don’t know why, but I can never bring myself to tell them.

            3. BananaRama*

              My food allergy is a delayed reaction; sometimes as swift as 30 minutes, sometimes hours later. I hate the idea that a person would think I don’t have a food allergy because I’m not having an anaphylactic reaction immediately.

        3. JD*

          Never said I do it at restaurants because waiters don’t force you to try something. I said to people I KNOW who are assuring me I will like this specific pineapple.

          1. Candi*

            …you’re not familiar with Not Always Working.

            Current crown jewel of stories on this theme: submitter had ER levels of allergy to consuming tomatoes in any form and tiny amounts. There was a restaurant in her town that was gold medal awesome at accommodations for both personal desires and medical needs. You ask, if it’s in their power, they do.

            New server at breakfast visit. Server asks if submitter want some ketchup for eggs, hash browns, etc. Submitter politely declines, citing her allergy. Server argues NO ONE is allergic to ketchup, then flounces off.

            Order comes, there’s ketchup on the underside of everything. The server had put on the food order the submitter wanted it that way!

            Submitter’s friend gets the manager/owner, who knows the group as regulars and rightfully blows a professional fuse. The server tries the ‘no one is allergic/she’s just being picky’ argument, but is bounced out the door trampoline style. Meal is comped and replaced.

            (And it’s people’s right to be picky when they’re paying. Polite is what’s essential.)

      2. hypernatural*

        I lie about a nut allergy to avoid “no, no, you just need to try THESE cashews and you will change your mind!” I am annoyed that I have to resort to it, but it does make life easier.

      3. Magenta Sky*

        I’ve had that experience with alcohol. Can’t stand the taste of the alcohol itself. I can’t count how many times friends have told me “You just haven’t tried the good stuff.” Yes, I have. If it is alcoholic enough to legally qualify as an alcoholic drink, I can taste it, and I’d rather drink used motor oil.

        “You know, it doesn’t matter if the moose is wearing a chef’s hat or not. Moose pee still comes out of the same end of the moose.”

        1. Peep*

          OH MY GOD ME TOO. I’ve found certain specific things I enjoy or tolerate, but for the love of god, nobody believes me when I say I don’t want the alcohol taste of alcohol. “I’ll make you a drink you’ll like, you won’t be able to taste it!” Liars. They always use orange juice, which compounds the problem — I hate orange juice. :P Trust me, you can’t hide it well enough that I won’t find it.

        2. PlainJane*

          I’m a lifelong teetotaler. I got a little of this flack when I was in college, but generally I just say, “I don’t drink alcohol,” and that takes care of it. I’m sure there are people who think I’m a recovering alcoholic, but who cares? Mature, decent people don’t badger other people about their food and drink choices.

          1. Not a Morning Person*

            So true, “Mature, decent people don’t badger other people about their food and drink choices.”

      4. TootsNYC*

        My daughter will sometimes claim to be vegetarian for the same reason. She’s willing to eat meat, she just doesn’t like the texture. She’s OK w/ salami, and I think she’ll eat burgers and maybe chicken nuggets.

        With people she’ll see again, she goes to the trouble of explaining things.
        But other people, she just says she’s a vegetarian.

        I encouraged her to switch to, “I’m cutting back on how much meat I eat,” in case she ends up w/ someone seeing her have salami and getting mad that they went to “so much trouble” over her supposed vegetarianism.

      5. Specialk9*

        Just a heads up, those of us who love someone who will die from a real allergy will hate your guts if you tell that story. Sorry if telling the truth is a little uncomfortable or inconvenient for you – you should try being an intubated toddler or the parents of that toddler. Don’t lie about allergies.

    5. Science!*

      Oh man, I had something like that happen at a party once. My husband and I make this really tasty bean dish that has bacon and ground beef in it, but a lot of beans so you can’t really see the bacon and beef right away. It’s a great potluck dish because it’s super easy to make ahead of time and reheat in a microwave. We brought it a party and I asked where to set it down, someone poined to a table with other side dishes. There were about 5 or so people around the table so when I set it down I told them all that this dish contained meat, NOT vegetarian friendly. A few minutes late I came back and mentioned to a couple other people, hoping the word would spread (I didn’t think to bring a note to mark it).

      A half hour later I came back and there was someone new at the table (sitting next to one of the other people I had already told) and I said again that it had meat. She made a face and said “Yeah, I know that now…” I apologized and the man next to her gave this giant grin. I pretty sure he deliberatly didn’t tell her, and what was worse is he’s her husband! So he knew she didn’t eat meat and didn’t tell her anyways.

    6. Kat from NJ via CA*

      That is so awful! I’m a pescetarian, too, and it’s super common for people to get all judgemental over it (or vegetarianism when I was vegetarian). It’s like, I’m not being a pescestarian AT anyone, it’s just a personal choice I’ve made. I’m not tacitly judging people who eat meat, but many meat eaters seem to think I am and react accordingly. Jerks. Insecure jerks.

      1. PlainJane*

        Too many people take offense at anyone who makes a different choice than they did, like it’s a commentary on their choices. You see this with dietary choices, getting married, having children, you name it. Insecure people apparently need their choices validated all the time.

        1. Rana*

          Yep. It’s really tiring. I always end up thinking “Can you please just work out your issues somewhere else? I’m not doing X AT you…”

    7. Chriama*

      I will say I’m mentally a snob about vegetarians and vegans. But I respect people’s right to make food choices for themselves. I don’t understand how anyone can be so invested in what other people eat that they think it’s ok to lie and trick them into eating it? No one is being a vegetarian *at* you. I think people like that are pretty far right on the “probably a sociopath” continuum.

      1. paul*

        Exactly.

        Like, I’ll mentally roll my eyes if someone says they don’t like [insert long list of foods here] but that doesn’t mean I’m going to badger them to try it. Why would I?

        1. paul*

          I should clarify ambiguity: I mean if someone rattles off a long list of things they don’t like (as opposed to allergies) I’ll kind of roll my eyes intenrally. My BIL is like that it’s annoying, and has actually resulted in health problems for him.

          I’m still not tricking him into eating vegetables tho

          1. Candi*

            That reminds me of an article I read yeeeeaaars ago about “your kids not eating enough veggies? Here’s how to hide ground up veggies in their favorite foods!”

            My first thought was that if you have to disguise vegetables to get your kids to eat them, you’re parenting wrong. Either get the kid to a doctor to see if there’s a sensitivity/allergy issue, or if it’s just them being bratty, PARENT!

    8. Alienor*

      Gah! I’m a vegetarian who doesn’t eat fish either, so I’m hard to trick, but I’ve had plenty of people outright badger and harass me to eat meat, including holding a fork with a piece of sausage on it up to my mouth. I’ve been vegetarian for 20+ years and have never understood why it bothers people so much–I honestly don’t give a crap if they want to eat bacon and steak all day long, so what does it matter to them if I don’t? People are weird.

        1. Alienor*

          Yes, I know, but a lot of people don’t define it that way for some reason. I spend a lot of time explaining that I don’t eat meat–no, not even chicken, no, not even fish.

      2. RestlessRenegade*

        Same here. I’ve been a vegetarian for 5.5 years, and the way people react to it tells me so much about them.
        If someone “snuck” meat into my food intentionally like the people in this thread, I would never eat around that person again, let alone eat something they gave me.

  15. AlexandrinaVictoria*

    A new site for our company decided to be nice and provide the turkey for a Thanksgiving potluck. It was pink. They all ate it anyway. Soon every bathroom stall was full and they had to shut down for two days while everyone got over food poisoning.

    1. Health Insurance Nerd*

      Oh wow. I am pretty liberal when it comes to questionable foods (I’m all about raw beef and fish) but I draw the line at pink poultry!

    2. Traveling Teacher*

      This is horrifying. I cannot imagine having food poisoning at work…can’t decide if it’s better or worse that everyone had it together…

    3. MilkMoon (UK)*

      Honestly what kind of imbecile eats pink poultry?! It’s literally THE kind of meat that needs to be fully cooked, surely that’s not hard to remember??

      1. hypernatural*

        I could certainly imagine a situation where I’d question it somewhat, see that others are eating it, and not want to be “that guy”. And I would rationalize that decision as “surely the company would ensure the food is thoroughly cooked and not risk giving their employees food poisoning!”

      2. RVA Cat*

        This reminds of where someone proudly tweated their “medium rare chicken” to Gordon Ramsey. His response – “See a doctor quick!”

      3. a1*

        I know I wouldn’t eat it, and I eat food that falls on the floor (ala the “5 second rule” and not just some random food that had fallen on the floor at some point that I happened upon).

      4. Ramona Flowers*

        Hey, not everyone grows up eating or cooking meat. I was raised veggie, I eat meat now but am still learning how to cook it and could make this mistake if everyone else was eating it.

      5. Mamunia*

        You would be shocked at the amount of posts/photos I’ve seen on the web of people showing off their rare chicken like it’s a delicacy. *shudders*

      6. copy run start*

        I ate pink chicken once at the college cafeteria. Somehow they’d managed to burn the outside to a crisp, so I wasn’t anticipating pink chicken inside, and wasn’t really paying attention for the first few bites. After that horrid weekend, I stuck to pizza, fries and other harder-to-screw-up foods.

    4. JustaTech*

      We had a BBQ at work once where it started to rain before all the chicken legs were cooked, so the two guys who were cooking just brought them in (rather than stand in the rain). Thankfully one of my coworkers saw the chicken was still pink and dragged all of it off to be microwaved done before she would let them serve it.

      After that those two people were relegated to grilling the pre-cooked hot dogs.

    5. Delta Delta*

      For me, the least fun part of thanksgiving dinner is the turkey. I’m all about the side dishes (where I interpret “side dishes” as “pie”), and for years I’ve opted NOT to eat the turkey so I can eat all the other tasty stuff. Sounds like my love of sides would have kept me off the barf train at this office!

    6. Adlib*

      As a side note, fresh (not frozen) turkeys still have a pink tint to the meat when fully cooked, but this sounds like it was full on raw in the middle.

      1. Annie Moose*

        Smoked turkey can also still be slightly pink. Always use your meat thermometers, don’t just rely on color!

    7. Liz in a Library*

      Ugh! I can’t even stand to eat my sister-in-law’s turkey which just looks pink. (She wraps it in bacon, but clearly does something wrong, because the bacon doesn’t crisp and it adds nothing to the taste of the turkey, but does impart a gross pink hue.)

  16. Stone Cold Bitch*

    We have company cars that are used for driving between our various locations. Last summer someone had a shrimp sandwich for lunch and left the wrapper in the door of the car, with leftover mayo and bits of seafood.

    The wrapper was dicovered after a few days in the sun and the entire car smelled like sour mayo and bad seafood for a month. The car has been called “shrimp sandwich” ever since.

    1. Alli525*

      LOL. My family has a Legendary Story of a cross-country roadtrip, where Grandpa insisted that Grandma make egg salad sandwiches as the family’s main sustenance (we’re cheap)… but decided that a cooler wasn’t necessary. So everyone in that big brown station wagon had to suffer the smell of slowly-rotting egg salad.

    2. Lison*

      A slightly nicer story but only tangentially related to work I’m a near Christmas baby and my dad worked at the hospital where I was born so Christmas day he went to dinner at my Mums parents house (just down the road from the hospital) and drove plates of each course up to Mum in the hospital so she wouldn’t miss out. It all went fine until dessert when the brandy butter for the Christmas pudding fell off the plate and melted into the passenger seat. That car smelled like brandy for ages! Thankfully not of rancid butter.

      1. Hlyssande*

        Oooh, brandy butter. That sounds lovely!

        One year I helped a friend transcribe family recipes, and one of them for a Christmas pudding ends with “add rum to taste desired. Amen.”

        1. Former Hoosier*

          I used to make my great-aunt’s mincemeat recipe. It called for one bottle of brandy but the side note on the recipe says that she always adds an extra!

      2. Rana*

        Heh. Once I was traveling for the Christmas holidays and had brought a bunch of hot buttered rum coffee beans for a gift. The only transportation I had available dropped me off at the airport four hours early, and they wouldn’t let me check in until two hours before the flight. So I sat, trapped by my bags, smelling hot buttered rum coffee for two hours. I still can’t stand the smell.

    3. Been there*

      My work had something similar The office manager drove one of our work trucks to get big pans of meat for a lunch we were having and the beef pan tipped while she was driving and beef juice spilled into the seat (and down the crack between the seat and the back). She tried everything to get it cleaned but that truck smelled like beef gone bad for years.

      Luckily it was a spare truck, so only people who were having maintenance on their assigned trucks had to drive it. Although it made for a good threat for people to take care of their trucks and to avoid accidents. else they be relegated to the “Beef Truck”

  17. kas*

    No stories to share other than the typical greedy coworkers. One of my old jobs had shifts and they would sometimes order food but you were only supposed to get it on your lunch (they ordered a few times throughout the day to accomodate everyone). Well apparently some people had 3+ lunches because they kept getting food leaving barely any for people that were actually on their lunch. It was usually pizza and I only ever went if it was just delievered or I would open a fresh box because people had a habit of touching other slices to get their own. Please use napkins if you must touch the other slices, I don’t want your hands on my pizza.

  18. Snarkus Aurelius*

    We had an Office Mom who did a lot of unnecessary emotional labor. She was big on birthdays, Secret Santa, etc. to the point she was insistent that we HAD to do it.

    One of the lower level employees had a birthday coming up, and Office Mom INSISTED that we had to have a homemade German chocolate cake with frosting for him because that was his favorite. She was close with him. I mentioned something about doing Betty Crocker, and Office Mom would not have it. I wasn’t volunteering, but she asked her BFF in the office to do it instead. The BFF stayed up til 2 AM on a weeknight making this three layer gourmet cake. I have to admit it turned out well. There was an office party and card and gift card.

    But that’s not why I’m telling this story.

    Another woman in the office had a birthday three days later, and no one did anything for her. Why? Office Mom didn’t care for her. It was never malicious though. Office Mom just forgot about other people who didn’t jive with her. When I reminded her, Office Mom wanted to bring in some donuts. Yeah…store-bought donuts after the actual birthday. That’s it.

    And that, ladies and gentleman, is why I don’t think personal milestones should be celebrated in the office.

    2. Ask a Manager* Post author

      There’s someone walking around out there who thinks I’m a horrible jerk because when she asked me if she could start coordinating birthday cards for everyone in the office, I told her no — and it was exactly because of this. She just saw a fun project of buying and circulating cards, and I knew that I’d have to put all kinds of rules on it that she wasn’t going to like (what’s your plan for making sure new employees are added to your list? what’s your plan for making sure someone isn’t left out if their birthday falls on a week you’re on vacation? etc.).

        1. Anon anon anon*

          And making sure you don’t choose cards that offend people. And what about people who don’t celebrate birthdays. And does it matter if they don’t celebrate because of their religion or because it’s their personal preference. And what if someone doesn’t respect that person’s wishes. Yeah. It’s one of those things that sounds simple but isn’t.

          1. WellRed*

            My b-day is Christmas eve. Boss’s b-day is New Years eve. One year, my coworkers just signed a leftover Christmas card for my birthday. I mean, i had to hand sign 400 of those suckers the year before to our vendors! Boss, who is really more like a coworker, got an actual chosen card.

            1. Anon this time*

              Fist bump of Christmas Eve birthday solidarity, yo.

              I quit trying to have big birthday celebrations as a teenager, following a year when we were visiting my grandparents and I was salty that I wasn’t even in town to celebrate my birthday with my own friends…so my grandparents rounded up all the neighborhood kids (NONE of whom I knew) and threw me a birthday party. It was sweet but made it actually worse, somehow.

              I’ve done a couple of December 23 “oh look, it’s midnight so now it’s my birthday!” pub crawls, and a couple all-night boardgaming parties, but these days my happy place is at home in comfy clothes doing my annual Cowboy Bebop marathon. My parents are hinting darkly about Serious Plans for my 50th birthday (which is several years away yet) and I’ve already told them I plan to be in an undisclosed location completely off the grid that year, so I hope they have a good time at my party.

      2. SignalLost*

        Ha, the admin at my last office job was in charge of this. She didn’t forget my birthday the first year, but the second year something happened and I didn’t get a card. She called me on my lunch when she realized and was very apologetic, but never got the card, either. Since I know her well, I believe it wasn’t malicious, but it was still surprisingly hurtful.

        1. paul*

          I’ve been in a similar boat and yeah, it was kind of surprising how it stung a bit. I’d like to pretend something like that wouldn’t bother me but it kind of did even though I know it’s dumb to get worked up over.

          I hate my hind brain sometimes

        2. Cat*Lady*

          My card got forgotten one year (I’ve been here a long time, so I don’t really know what the excuse was) and yeah, it did sting and I’ve never forgotten it. It got circulated the next month when the next department birthday came around and whoever was in charge probably saw they missed my name. But by then I was like “oh, here’s my afterthought card.”

      3. CleverGirl*

        I started working at OldJob 3 months or so before my birthday, which happened to fall on a holiday. Another team member had a birthday a week or 2 after mine, and we went to lunch as a team for his birthday, and we all chipped in to cover his lunch. I was a bit annoyed but thought it was a one-off thing. Nope. We went to lunch for every person’s birthday over the course of that year, and everyone chipped in to cover the birthday person’s lunch, so I basically paid for everyone else’s lunches and never got one of my own. (I know this sounds petty but I was also on a tight budget and always ordered something super cheap because I couldn’t really afford eating out.) My resentment grew over the course of that year about the fact that everyone’s birthday was celebrated except mine which was ignored. The next year we ended up going out to a joint birthday lunch for me and the other guy whose birthday was close to mine, between our birthdays, so I guess someone realized I also had a birthday. I ended up leaving that job a few months later and I don’t have the most fond feelings toward it.

        I do think it’s fun to celebrate birthdays at work, but it should be an all-or-nothing thing, and it might be better to just do a monthly “birthday” thing with cupcakes for everyone who has a birthday that month. Or invite everyone who wants to to participate, and have them send their birthdate so they don’t get missed.

        1. Agatha_31*

          It’s not even remotely petty to feel annoyed when you are forced to chip in for other people’s lunches even IF people do it for you. There’s way too many ways for that to go wrong, one of which is the way it went wrong for you.

      4. Lance*

        Yup. If you’re going to do this sort of thing at all, it has to be equal for everyone, or not at all, or people will notice, and morale will be affected.

      5. True Story*

        Our solution for this is to announce everyone’s birthday on the first Monday of the month and have a Birthday Breakfast at the morning meeting (provided by the event team and reimbursed by the partners). Everyone looks forward to getting food, nobody gets forgotten, and – perhaps most importantly – nobody has to sit there awkwardly as people sing Happy Birthday to them.

        1. LKW*

          At one job we had cake each month, usually 2 or 3 small sheet cakes. The HR person would identify all of the people who had a birthday that month before cake was purchased. When one of the birthday folks had a known preference for cake – chocolate, vanilla, whatever, would be purchased as one of the cakes.

        2. Pickles*

          If, and only if, they want their birthday celebrated. I had three separate people in my office send follow up emails asking where my birthday information was – nearly a year into working there, suddenly it was an urgent issue. I told all of them that I was hatched.

        3. Turquoisecow*

          My old company did this – or something similar. We had a monthly birthday party in which each of the birthday people was congratulated and pointed out in the party. It started with the managers bringing in pizza, but later morphed into a potluck dessert (so people weren’t obligated to spend their lunch with coworkers, and could go out). Three people were randomly selected to bring in a dessert. At first it was all homemade gifts but then people got lazy or busy and just picked up a box of cookies.

          Anyway, I felt like it was a good way to acknowledge everyone in the department.

        4. Fur Princess*

          I have one related to birthdays. I was the self-designated baker for our team and would make large cakes to share with our team on all our birthdays. The cakes served enough so that if other co-workers in the immediate area wanted a piece, they could partake too. However, there was one admin, who worked for the most stuck up piece of work in the office (he would not condescend to consort with us little people) that would insist she “take a piece for Mr. Stuck Up”. I always declined, but she would take a piece from the serving table that I knew she carried back to Mr. Stuck Up. One day, she asked for the piece for Mr. Stuck Up and I said loudly “if Mr. Stuck Up wants a piece, he can come get it himself” . Coulda heard a pin drop. She never asked again.

        5. Fiennes*

          We had a monthly “celebrations” gathering with cake/ice cream/soft drinks. It was for birthdays & other bits of good news like engagements, etc. Attendance was not compulsory, though most people came. So everyone got an equal amount of attention–no hurt feelings. Plus they put in a standing order for the monthly cake, so it required next to no planning after that.

          1. Emma*

            That’s what my office does. Easy to skip if you don’t like celebrations, cake, whatever the reason. If you like the acknowledgement and eating cake, you go. Easy solution.

        6. 2 Cents*

          When I interned at a magazine, the office would sponsor a 1st-of-the-month (or close enough) birthday celebration. I remember the treats being really good: cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery, Cold Stone Creamery (they sent a cart to the office to make creations!), cookies & brownies from another nearby bakery.

        7. Adhyanon*

          At an old job we did a monthly birthday cake for everyone with a birthday in the month. The actual day was a little bit random. I’d worked there for 2 months when the department admin called to invite me downstairs for cake since she wasn’t sure if I was on the Dept disto yet. Got there just as everyone sang happy birthday to four other people. It happened to be my actual birthday. I was mostly amused – didn’t mention it to anyone until a couple of years later after the admin had retired.

      6. Bagpuss*

        The way we do it is that people bring cakes or other treats on their own birthdays, to share. If you don’t want to participate, you don’t have to. (And there are one or two people who don’t bring treats on their birthdays and that’s fine as well.
        It means everyone can spend whatever (time or money) they chose.

        Sometimes people will bring in treats for other celebrations – for instance, our receptionist became a grandmother (her daughter had also worked for us in the past) and she brought cake (and cute baby pics!) and another coworker brought donuts to celebrate becoming a Black Belt.

        There is sometimes a card and small celebration for special milestones – for instance, when one staff member turned 21 we chipped in for some gifts and had extra snacks, and another turned 65 and got a card and small gift.

        And then we as bosses sometimes buy treats just because.

        1. JustaTech*

          I once brought in cupcakes to celebrate paying off (one of) my student loans.

          That’s how my group (and the company in general) has always done it: if you want to celebrate a thing, you bring the food. That way no one forgets and no one is forced to celebrate if they don’t want to.

        3. Mandy*

          In my office there is a master list of all the birthdays in the department, new employees get asked their birthday on their first or second day. You can completely opt out if you like. The department budget covers a treat for the entire department for each person’s birthday. You can select your own treat within reason–we’ve had Einstein Bros bagels and shmear, donuts, chips and salsa, Little Caesar’s cheesy bread, ice cream, fruit and veggie platters, etc. We do sing happy birthday unless someone in an office nearby is on a call.
          Overall it is pretty fun–everyone is included and everyone gets occasional treats. I believe we have only ever had one person (possibly two) decline to add their birthday to the list and have it celebrated.

          1. Rebecca in Dallas*

            That’s how we do it, we have “birthday buddies” so the person I’m paired up with makes sure that my treat gets ordered and vice versa. We have had a few people opt out of birthday celebrations (Jehovah’s Witness or they just don’t like to celebrate their birthday). Your birthday buddy also gets you a card and circulates it (the company also pays for the card).

        4. the gold digger*

          My Lithuanian co-worker eloped. She arranged with another co-worker, who is in my office, to buy a cake. She called a teleconference with our small team, announced she had gotten married, showed photos, and then had In Office Co-worker pull the cake out of the bag.

          It was really sweet!

          (Which reminds me – I need to send her a baby present. But she is on a one-year maternity leave.)

      7. Magenta Sky*

        We do birthday cards for everyone in the company. It’s handled by HR, who print mailing labels from the master employee list, so no one ever gets left out, and they arrive in the mail early in the month, not on the exact day.

        It’s a monthly ritual for everyone in the office to sign them, by hand (several dozen a month). It was proposed once, that we could all sign a sheet of paper and have the signatures pre-printed on the cards so we wouldn’t have to go through the hassle. Sigh. (I asked if they really thought that no employees would be comparing cards looking for *exactly* that, and the idea has never come up since. You can’t automate giving a damn about your employees.)

        1. Saturnalia*

          We had this ritual, set up the same way. I had the bad manager who sat on the card (some of them had gift cards for work anniversaries, others were just birthday wishes) for months, so you thought they forgot about you entirely. I got a stack of my old cards from him when I moved to a different department.

          There is always a way to ruin a nice idea. It would have taken HR following up to ensure all cards got delivered in a timely manner. That was not going to happen.

          1. Magenta Sky*

            Yeah, that’s why, as I said, this is actually handled *by* HR (who are very competent), and they are mailed, not hand delivered. The store level people don’t have the time, even if they tried, to keep track of it all.

      8. Chriama*

        We do monthly birthday cake at the office and just send an email out asking whose birthday is this month and announce it before cutting the cake, but it’s poorly organized (announcements sent the day-of, often on Fridays when most people work from home, etc) and sometimes if no one with a company credit card has a birthday that month (or no one who is close enough friends with someone with a credit card to say something) it gets forgotten. At least with monthly cakes hopefully no one feels personally slighted. Stuff like this probably needs to be managed by hr/admins or not at all in order to be successful long term.

      9. Anonymous Lawya*

        When I was an associate attorney I shared an admin with a senior associate and a partner. All the attorneys’ birthdays got celebrated with cake and a little 10-minute gathering organized by their admin. (We all took our admins out to lunch for their birthdays as well.) The two years I worked there, the partner I shared an admin with got an elaborate homemade version of his favorite cake, the senior associate got a very plain store bought sheet cake, and my birthday was skipped. I was the only attorney whose birthday did not get celebrated. My admin disliked me for some reason (I was always super nice to her, and gave her less work than the other two) but dang that’s cold.

    3. Malibu Stacey*

      Something similar happened at a previous workplace of mine. It was a huge dept and for baby showers the expectant parent’s closest friend or supervisor would organize a potluck. We had a new manager who was a pain in a lot of ways but when we had a potluck baby shower for someone in her group, another employee signed up to bring brownies and the manager told her they had to be homemade or if she used a mix it had to be Ghirardelli’s.

      2. LKW*

        I’d want someone to claim to use fancy brownie mix and use store brand. Really, who the hell is such a brownie connoisseur?

        1. AnonAndOn*

          Your comment reminded me of this experiment: Cakes of Deception

          People were given samples of a cake with a high price tag and a low price tag and thought the “cheap” cake tasted dry while the “expensive” cake was moist and delicious…just to find out that they were tasting the exact same cake.

          1. The Ginger Ninja*

            That reminds me of the Netflix documentary Sour Grapes. This guy sold “rare” bottles of wine at auctions for tens of thousands of dollars. In reality, they were cheap bottles of average California cab with different labels. He suckered loads of rich people who thought they were buying wine that was hundreds of years old.

            I have never felt guilty about drinking cheap wine since I watched it.

      3. Rusty Shackelford*

        Ghirardelli brownie mix is like three bucks at Walmart. Did she think she was being fancy?

        1. Turtledove*

          Ghiarardelli’s got a rep for being Good Chocolate, in line with Godiva and other such brands. So – yes, she likely did!

    4. Lia*

      My belief on birthdays is if YOU want to celebrate your birthday, YOU bring in the treats. Don’t assign it as a rotation or anything, because invariably someone gets slighted or left out and feelings get hurt.

      I do not celebrate mine, so I don’t bring in stuff, and birthday celebrations, to me, are more of a childhood thing anyways.

      2. AMT27*

        Thats how my office does birthdays. We have 50+ people. You bring in a treat for everyone else on your birthday (donuts are easiest, sometimes its bagels – expensive!, or homemade treats or chips & salsa, or whatever).

    5. Talia*

      My office does birthdays very simply: there are monthly staff meetings. At every staff meeting there is a cake for this month’s birthdays. They never have the staff meetings at times when I can attend them (I am part-time), so I don’t know if this is accompanied by a reading of a list of the month’s birthdays, though it seems likely.

      If someone is having an “0” birthday (30, 40, 50) it gets celebrated more, with a card and a collection, organized by the building’s EA who also handles the fund for sending people flowers after they have surgery. That seems more likely to eventually end poorly, though I know if anyone got forgotten everyone would be mortified.

      1. Hlyssande*

        Our birthday thing used to be monthly but now it’s quarterly. And not always cake either, but usually cookies/fruit/cheese and crackers/salsa sort of stuff.

    6. OtterB*

      I still like the policy at OldJob where, if you wanted a celebration for your milestone (birthday or whatever), then it was on you to bring something in. Most people brought bagels on their birthday, but nobody monitored things closely enough to notice if you chose not to bring anything.

    7. NotABirthday*

      Happened to me. Boss’s favorite had a little birthday party held for him (cake, snacks, bubbly) and someone asked he whether he shared his birthday with anyone famous, which he did – and so did I! Yep. Boss’s favorite and I shared the same birthday. He got a party for his and mine was ignored.

  19. Me2*

    This one is not funny but I brought in some little raspberry filled chocolate balls and had them sitting on my desk in my candy dish. One of my bosses grabbed a few then came back furious because apparently they were a raspberry liqueur not just a jelly. He was a recovering alcoholic and told me I was to blame if he relapsed. I was mortified and would never jeopardize someone’s recovery (nor would I bring alcohol into the office). I even checked with where I purchased them to find out that they were indeed alcoholic, they just hadn’t marked the display as such. Luckily nothing ever came of it, the boss was fine.

    1. SignalLost*

      Dude. If that can drive you to a relapse, you’re not recovering. I’m a smoker who’s quit several times, and never, ever have I gone back because I inhaled someone else’s smoke at a bus stop.

      1. Squirrel Tooth Alice*

        Just want to mention that it’s not so simple for everyone. My dad was recovering, and he didn’t even want to taste wine in his food, knowing the alcohol was cooked out. Triggers are different for everyone, and it’s kind of cruel to pooh-pooh someone’s addiction recovery for being different from yours.

    2. Gwen Soul*

      Reminds me of a story my husband told on an intern who brought in bourbon balls to work…. at a recovery center, where many of the staff were former addicts. Notmalicious, just new to the workforce. She ended up being a great employee after that.

    3. AK*

      I understand how that could blindside your boss (as it obviously did you), but for him to pre-blame you for a relapse after eating a few candies seems extreme. I hope there was some sort of “sorry, I was just freaked out” explanation or calm discussion with you after?

      1. Amber T*

        I was having dinner with a bunch of friends at a hibachi place. The table next to us was comprised of half kids, half adults, and the chef was having a great time entertaining the kids. He pulled out one bottle to squirt liquid into their mouths (definitely water for the kid) and they had a blast. He started getting the adults involved, and I guess no one realized he switched bottles to the adult stuff – when he squirted the liquid (assuming it was sake) into the first guy’s mouth, he immediately jumped up, spit it on the ground, looked like he was going to have a panic attack, started cursing, and fled. One of the women chased after him while the other adults stayed behind and watched the kids. The chef very solemnly finished cooking.

        The guy came back in a little while later and asked to speak with the chef and he apologized. I didn’t hear the full conversation, but something about “recovering alcoholic” and that it was unexpected. The two of them were so apologetic to each other.

        I’ve never been addicted to something or have gone through withdrawal, but I have to imagine any threat to recovery can be very frightening. I guess I understand his panic in the moment, but I agree with AK – I hope he apologized later.

        1. Amber T*

          And to add to my comment – you are in no way responsible, even if he did relapse. It was an honest mistake and he should have checked the labels.

        2. OhNo*

          I think the momentary panic can be forgiven, but I hope he apologized for it later. I’ve never suffered from addiction, but my dad still tells stories about when he quit smoking – he says he’d wake up in a cold sweat, thinking he’d given in for just one last cigarette, even a decade or more after he finally kicked the habit. I can only imagine how much worse it must be for someone with an alcohol addiction, when you can break your sobriety by accident if you’re not careful.

    4. Alton*

      I think it was unfair of him to hold you accountable. You didn’t intentionally give him alcohol or pressure him to consume it, and dealing with incidental exposure to stuff like alcohol is something addicts have to be prepared for. It’s nice to be considerate about that if you know someone is an alcoholic, and you probably don’t want to being chocolate liquors to the office intentionally, but you’re not single-handedly responsible for someone accidentally being exposed.

    5. anon druggie*

      I’ve been in recovery 26 years, and that is not A Thing. It is his responsibility to be careful about what he eats. Especially things like that, and most especially around the holidays. What an entitled jerk.

    6. AMPG*

      Once I made meatballs in tomato sauce for a potluck – my meatball recipe is sort of “throw whatever seems good into some meat and go from there,” so this batch ended up with some leftover red wine in it. A Muslim co-worker asked me before helping herself if they were all-beef or a beef-pork mix, and I assured her there was no pork, completely forgetting to mention the wine. Later on someone else asked for the recipe and I explained that there really wasn’t one, and listed what I could remember putting in. She was standing nearby and when I got to “red wine” I saw her eyes get big and I realized what I had done. Now, the meatballs simmered in the sauce for a good long while, so there was almost certainly no actual alcohol left in them, and I explained that, but I knew it didn’t really matter, so all I could do was apologize profusely.

          1. AMPG*

            It was an organization where cultural competency was an essential part of the job, plus we had worked together for years and I knew she was Muslim. Even though it was an honest mistake, I definitely looked like an idiot.

          2. AMPG*

            It was an organization where cultural competency was an essential part of the job. Plus we had worked together for years and I knew she was Muslim. It was clearly an honest mistake, but I definitely looked like an idiot.

            1. Angie*

              Was the beef slaughtered in a halal fashion? If you can’t answer that then the boiled down wine isn’t of consequence. Everyone can make their own decisions.

              1. AMPG*

                There are a lot of ways to follow Islamic dietary restrictions (again, this was part of my job for a number of years). I definitely should have thought to mention it, so she had all the information she needed.

    7. CoffeeLover*

      A lot of chocolates contain liquor for flavouring, but aren’t actually alcoholic. You can’t actually get drunk from them. The alcoholic content is usually removed during processing, although you can still taste it. That’s why you never see liquor flavoured chocolate boxes with an alcoholic content label (I’m pretty sure you’re required to have it by law). And why people feed their kids these chocolates.

      I worked in a chocolate shop. I’ve sold liquor flavoured chocolates to recovering alcoholics. They asked me if it was alcoholic. I said no, but it does contain liquor for flavouring so you can taste it (ie rum). They were fine with it. Your boss was a nut.

      1. Chriama*

        If you’re an addict though, the taste could be enough to trigger you. Not OP’s fault for sure but I don’t think someone is being too cautious if they stay away from liqueur candies.

      2. my two cents*

        There are plenty of manufacturers that DO have alcohol in their filled chocolates, though. You can usually spot them at just about any Duty Free shop at an airport.

      3. Adhyanon*

        In some, but certainly not all states chocolate can be filled with alcohol and sold. California is one of them. They have a %on the box and check ID when you buy it. I know I’ve bought the little chocolate bottles filled with actual booze at Costco and Trader Joe’s out here. Never saw them on the East Coast though.

        1. T3k*

          On the east coast here, and I’ve seen some in World Market stores, have their own little stand in the store with big “Must be 21+” signs on it.

      4. Stephenie S Labovitz*

        Even vanilla extract contains alcohol, and most desserts have that in them. Even basic fudge recipes.

        McCormick Pure Vanilla Extract: Ingredients
        Vanilla bean extractives in water,
        alcohol (35%),
        and corn syrup.

  20. Emily*

    We had someone try to make a vegan peach pie to accommodate a new vegan employee. No one is sure what ingredients were in that pie (it looked and smelled ok) but oh man, every single person who had a piece was sick with vomiting and/or diarrhea within 15 minutes of eating it. The vegan whom it was made for sent around an email asking us to never accommodate her again and she would just eat chips & salsa at potlucks going forward. It’s been about 8 years and that story is still circulated when potlucks are brought up.

    We also had a potluck with a lot of young employees who did not cook and we ended up with 1 casserole and 8 identical boxes of chocolate chip cookies from Safeway. :p

    1. Dr Wizard, PhD*

      I really don’t get that. Even if you don’t cook, it can’t be that hard to buy a prepared meal you can put in an office microwave, like a shepherd’s pie or something.

    2. JokeyJules*

      vegan brownies is my go-to. Almond milk and egg substitute. If you’re not an experienced vegan cook, just keep it simple!

      1. anon for brownie story*

        My vegetarian (sometimes vegan) friend made vegan brownies for a charity bake sale at our office!

        They sold out pretty quickly, but not as quickly as the brownies made by Most Annoying Employee, who labelled hers “[MAE]’s Famous Brownies.” She CONSTANTLY brags about how great a baker she is, so they sold like, well, brownies; Friend joked that she should have labelled hers “[Friend]’s Famous Vegan Brownies” to sell out faster.

        I’ve had MAE’s baking before. It’s fine. I’ve had Friend’s baking before, vegan and non. It’s much better. (I missed both sets of brownies, though :( )

    4. Ramona Flowers*

      That’s weird, given food poisoning is not generally that quick. Are you sure it didn’t come from something the previous day?

      1. RabbitRabbit*

        Might have been some accidental contaminant (dish soap, some chemical, etc.) rather than food poisoning proper, though I know some staph strains can take a half hour or less.

      2. VermiciousKnit*

        Agreed. It couldn’t be pathogen-type food poisoning that fast, because there’s just not enough time for bacteria or viruses to replicate in 15 minutes. It would have to be some kind of ingredient-based-actual-poison-type poisoning for it to be that fast.

        2. the gold digger*

          I started throwing up about ten minutes after eating a tart at a restaurant in France. I hadn’t eaten anything else for hours. I think maybe it was the eggs, but I still am not sure.

          1. VermiciousKnit*

            Food poisoning typically takes several hours to a day or two to set in. It was probably something you ate well before that meal.

            1. Coldbrewinacup*

              Food poisoning can happen in a matter of a couple of hours. It’s usually staph when it’s that fast.

          3. Candi*

            Because food poisoning by the bacteria reproducing inside of you isn’t the only contaminate issue that’ll make you throw up.

            Making it with one or more spoiled ingredients can make you rapidly sick.

            A chemical contaminant will kick your digestive system into evac mode.

            Some microbial waste products are toxic in their own right. Enough of those in something you consume, and it doesn’t matter if the bacterial infection has reached a certain size.

            So it could have been the tart.

    5. JustaTech*

      I once busted my butt to help my husband make 5 pounds of fudge for his 5th anniversary at work. My regular fudge was easy (I made him do that) but finding a vegan fudge recipe was surprisingly hard (this was before coconut oil everything) but I managed it.
      And then the vegan guy didn’t have any until my husband pulled him aside and said “This was made just for you because I didn’t want to exclude anyone”. The vegan guy then tried and liked the fudge, but he had a default assumption that he couldn’t eat any food anyone brought in.

      So, if you are going to go out of your way accommodating food stuff, tell them!

      1. Horizons*

        Oh, I’m not sure about this. I have a co-worker with celiac. People kept making “special” GF dishes for him for the office potluck, so he felt like he had to try them. But often the food didn’t taste great, and twice he got very sick. He’s sure the co-workers meant well but cross contamination is difficult to prevent. He got so much pressure from people to try what they made, he now just skips potlucks.

        So my corrollary would be: if you make an accommodation, don’t pressure them to eat it. Just offer it as an option.

        1. TL -*

          Yeah, I really hate it when people try to accomodate me because I still have to quiz through the ingredients/read labels/reject the food half the time (especially with corn, which is very, very sneaky.)

          Or, worse, when they bring in a gluten and gluten free option and I have to start asking even more questions, like, which one did you make first? Did your kids help you? How did you store things/clean dishes?

    6. Lissa*

      I have to admit I feel super sorry for the pie baker here. I can see them trying their hardest to be accommodating and having it hugely backfire and everyone mad!

    7. Louise*

      This is crazy to me. It is super easy to make a pie vegan- just replace the butter in the crust with a different fat. Safflower oil is Martha Stewart’s recommendation and I’m not one to argue with Martha. I made a vegan pie for a coworker’s birthday specifically because it seemed like the hardest thing for me to screw up.

    8. Coldbrewinacup*

      Our potluck today: 4 pies, 3 containers of store bought cookies, a store bought container of fruit and dip, 5 bags of chips and assorted dips, hot dogs, buns, chili, apple salad, and another type of salad. One coworker and I chipped in to get chicken bites from Walmart. The chicken was eaten in less than an hour.

      That’s not a potluck. Granted, it is the day before Thanksgiving, but this is a typical potluck in this office. I am done with potlucks!

  21. BadPlanning*

    We usually have a potluck at the end of the year. Some people make a fancy dish, buy a thing of cookies or chips, a veggie tray, etc.

    My favorite was last year when someone unwrapped a block of cheddar, put it on a plate and stuck a plastic fork in it. Like it was Excalibur.

      1. wayward*

        Quality cheese would be a good contribution to a potluck, though it’s probably not a bad idea to bring bread or crackers in case there aren’t any.

    4. KF*

      There were periodic potluck lunches at my last job and there was someone who always brought a can of beets which they opened and dumped in a bowl (and of course there were the inevitable 85,000 pasta salads).

    5. Natalie*

      I find the fork part more mystifying than the “here’s a block of cheese” part. I can’t really picture how one would use the fork without snapping the tines off.

      Unless they thought you were going to pick up the cheese and take a bite out of it, like a caramel apple?

    6. Pickles*

      Ooo, we had a guy bring a single prepackaged zebra cake once. (He forgot. And nearly ten years later, hasn’t lived it down.)

      1. Rebecca in Dallas*

        Hahaha, we had a girl who always had bananas at her desk, she’d eat one for a snack most days. Every time there was a potluck, she’d say “I’ll bring the bananas!” And at potluck time, she’d just bring however many bananas were on her desk. And no, nobody ever ate a banana at the potluck, so then they’d go back to her desk afterwards.

        1. Adlib*

          That would irritate me! The laziness, that is. I think it would be a little different if someone ate one, but since no one does, she’s not actually helping.

          1. WellRed*

            I am irritated just reading this. I think I’d eat the damn bananas just on principle. Seriously, why did mgt not nip this in the bud?

    7. JustaTech*

      We had a potluck where someone signed up for and brought “a plate of bacon”. That they cooked in the office microwave.

      It was very popular.

    8. OhNo*

      At one place I used to work, there was a guy who was well known for bringing a bucket of KFC to the holiday potluck every year. Nobody minded, although he’d get lightly teased about it on occasion. But my last year there, the KFC had changed it’s hours, so he could no longer swing by there at 10:30 in the morning to grab it for the 11:00 potluck start.

      His solution? Swing by McDonalds and get three orders of twenty-count chicken nuggets.

      I’m pretty sure he’s never going to live that one down.

    9. Not really a waitress*

      I used to live in a city out west. There was a bar and grill that had a huge hunk of cheese with a knife as the free appetizer (instead of pretzels or peanuts) One day in the middle of happy hour a homeless person walked in… picked up the whole hunk of cheese then walked out.

  22. JokeyJules*

    I worked somewhere with a moderately high turnover rate, and you could always tell how much someone was liked based on their going away party. One coworker, “Beyonce” announced her departure and got a party with homemade treats from various cultures, a cake, some snacks, and we all chipped in to order pizza for everyone to celebrate. It was really nice, and we all signed a nice going-away card.
    Another coworker, “Rihanna”, left a few months later, and her going away party had a card signed by some of us and some clearance storebought cookies.
    I truly don’t think it was intentional, there was just nobody there to ensure everyone had a well planned party. It was just sort of like “oh hey, it’s so-and-sos last day this day” and people would bring things in if they felt like it.

    You can imagine my relief to find I was liked at this job on my last day. Yay for cuban baked goods!

    1. Snark*

      ““Beyonce” announced her departure and got a party with homemade treats from various cultures, a cake, some snacks, and we all chipped in to order pizza for everyone to celebrate.”

      Any lemonade?

  23. selina kyle*

    My former boss was very into fitness (ran an Ironman for one!) and she usually ate really well in her office (I was also seated in her office). Her boss used to come in and tease her about eating salads. It was so irritating and he clearly thought he was so funny. It clearly made her uncomfortable, but he would come in at least once a week to say something.
    Eventually she got another (better!) job and left, so I guess there’s a happy ending to it at least.

  24. Quinalla*

    A place I interned at when I was in college had this unwritten rule that for lunch meetings, once the meeting group went through the line of the catered in lunch, the food was 100% up for grabs and it would disappear about 5 seconds after you shut your conference room door since the food was always set up outside. When my boss would run meetings, he’d bring the choicest foods into the conference room (cookies, etc.) so we’d be able to have seconds if we wanted. It was just so amusing how quickly the up-for-grabs food went there!

    And the last place I worked at, we had someone who was so uptight about the fridge (and really, I do get it as I’ve helped clean out office refrigerators and it can be nasty!) that I finally gave up and just brought in an insulated lunch bag when I wanted to have something in the office. My new office is much better, we have 2 fridges for 8 people (we are growing, but it is silly) so we have TONS of room, so we can all use the fridge as much as we need, even buying groceries and putting them in til after work sometimes. And the office is small enough that we don’t have food stealing problems.

    1. Silver*

      At my last job, the admin had to babysit the buffet and sent out emails reminding people NOT to eat the food if they weren’t in the meeting because it would disappear before the meeting was out and the people it was intended for wouldn’t get any.

      1. Diana*

        For the first meeting I had to arrange with food at my latest job I made the mistake of setting up the pizza table directly outside of the room (smaller room). I had employees trying to nab a slice of pizza before the actual group even got to get at it! I learned the hard way that food either goes directly in the conference room or I have to stand there until the meeting starts.

  25. Jaybeetee*

    This is a minor example but: Years ago at an old job someone brought in cupcakes, which we all enjoyed. At one point, as I was leaving the breakroom, I saw there was one cupcake left, and grabbed it. I had no idea that this last cupcake was being saved for one of our volunteers, an elderly man who was due to come in the next day (and had been told to expect a cupcake!)

    Poor guy came in looking for his cupcake, I had to tell him I ate the damn thing. He actually looked visibly disappointed. I went out and bought him two more cupcakes to make up for it.

    For the rest of my time at this job this tale went down in infamy, told to every new colleague that came on board. I was a manager, and one of my reports eventually commented that *every* time she asked me if she could grab the last of whatever food was brought in (people did this periodically), I’d tell her not to. I didn’t want to propagate stealing goodies from old men!

    2. Xarcady*

      Really, if the cupcake was saved for someone, it shouldn’t have been out in the breakroom. Or it should have been labeled. How else would anyone know not to eat the cupcake? The blame really lay on the person who promised to save the cupcake but did nothing to prevent others from eating the cupcake.

      1. Vegan Atheist Weirdo*

        Agree. This wasn’t really your fault, Jaybeetee. It should have been labeled in some way.

    3. HR Manager*

      Not Potluck related, but Food related. I’m department of one in a smallish company dominated by men. Small office. But anyway, somebody one day must have eaten something that upset one of the owners (who’s extremely moody and petty anyway) and he sent out an email saying we could no longer eat at our desks.

      Seems normal, except it was only sent to WOMEN. There are lots of men around here with desks who eat at said desks.

      So only women aren’t allowed to eat at their desks?

  26. Lillie Lane*

    At a previous workplace, we had a buddy birthday system where everyone was assigned to make/buy the birthday cake for a fellow employee. One of my coworkers absolutely REFUSED to be part of any of the celebrations. I learned that this was because our boss had pranked him years before by baking his cake and replacing the sugar with salt.
    He eventually explained to me that when he was younger, he was the victim of a particularly disgusting food adulteration incident, and the pranked birthday cake put him over the edge.

    3. Turtlewings*

      I guess that’s really a pretty harmless prank — assuming the boss didn’t know this guy’s feelings about messed-up food — but ONLY if he also brought a real cake. Also, “birthday buddy system” seems like a good idea! Spread out the labor. And you’re motivated to do a good job or else your “buddy” can get back at you on your turn. ;)

      1. Hope*

        Yeah, but do you get to pick your buddy or do you get assigned? What if you get assigned to a coworker you can’t stand (or whose hygiene you question)? What do you do about the new person who doesn’t have a buddy?

        This is why I almost always use PTO on my birthday.

        1. Rebecca in Dallas*

          We had the same set-up, you were assigned your buddy and you usually told your buddy what you wanted. I always suggested something from a bakery (ex: “I love the chocolate chip cookies from The Chocolate Chippery!” as opposed to just “chocolate chip cookies”), that way they didn’t feel like they had to slave away in the kitchen and it also avoided any questionable kitchen hygiene. Usually a new person was replacing someone who left, so they would just get the old person’s buddy, but we made sure they had a buddy one way or the other. If they wanted a buddy that is, we have a couple of people who don’t celebrate their birthdays so they are always welcome to opt out and not have a buddy.

      2. Observer*

        Actually, no it’s not. Have you ever tasted a cake that had the sugar replaced with salt? It’s pretty awful.

        Ok, it’s not on the same level of some of the crazier ones we’ve seen. But it is still definitely NOT ok, even without the history.

        1. Not Australian*

          “Have you ever tasted a cake that had the sugar replaced with salt? It’s pretty awful.”

          As well as a waste of good ingredients.

      3. Ramona Flowers*

        I wouldn’t find this harmless because people would be watching my reaction. That sounds pretty harmful and humiliating.

    4. Marillenbaum*

      I once had a cake with salt instead of sugar, but it was an accident! When I was 13, I asked my mom for a cheesecake instead of a layer cake for my birthday, so she bought one from the local grocery store. We had some people from church over for dinner, and brought out the cheesecake–and they had used salt instead of sugar. I felt so bad, mostly because one of the guests was from Mongolia and had never eaten (New York-style) cheesecake before, and I didn’t want that to be her first impression of my favorite food! It was a mess, but thankfully the grocery store was chill and replaced it with no bother.

    5. Chriama*

      What a waste of a cake. I don’t like deliberate food waste, it just seems unethical given how many people are food-insecure in the world :(

      1. Lissa*

        Same, I don’t understand going to all the trouble and effort to make a cake that nobody will want to eat….

    6. Nye*

      Unintentional, but in college, a friend made two pumpkin pies using canned filling. One was great, the other was…not.

      Moral of the story: cans of pumpkin pie filling and cans of unsweetened pumpkin puree look VERY similar and are usually shelved near each other.

      1. Mel*

        Funnily enough, I bought pumpkin pie filling by mistake for a Friendsgiving dinner last week. I like to use the puree so I can spice it the way I like. For Thanksgiving prep this week I made sure to carefully read the labels!

  27. Snark*

    At my last job, I invited a bunch of coworkers over for pizza from my wood-fired oven. It’s a serious piece of kit – it’s effortless to crank it up to 900 degrees, and it’ll put out a Neapolitan pizza in about a minute and a half. My coworkers brought a ton of beer, and I slung pie for hours while we all debated the merits of various IPAs. While drinking them.

    When everyone’s pizza urges were sated, I closed the oven door and let it start to burn itself out, which takes over a day. My wife and I know to never open the door once it’s time to let the oven wind down, but my coworker Bill didn’t know the rules. And Bill was very deep in his cups. So he bellowed. “Man, I wonder if it’s still hot in there?” and grabbed the door.

    One of the interesting side-effects of flameless combustion in a low-oxygen environment is the buildup of pyrolytic gases in the oven. This is more than an academic point. PROTIP: when your drunkass opens the oven while your host screams NOOOOOOOOOO and tackles you, the inrushing draft of oxygen will result in explosively energetic resumption of combustion, firing a jet of howling flame across the patio and lighting several pots of decorative plants on fire. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to be Bill, and aren’t just lit on fire like a human road flare. Maybe just don’t.

      1. Snark*

        I’m telling it like it’s funny, because the only casualties were my geraniums, but seriously, buddy could have had third degree burns.

    3. SL #2*

      And this is why Storytime with Snark is my favorite thing in the world.

      I’m glad no one was hurt! I could totally see myself being like “Hey, why aren’t you opening the oven door, wouldn’t it cool off faster that way?” at which point, I assume Snark would give me the same explanation he’s written above and I’d be like “cool, I learned something new today!” But I would most definitely not try to open this (presumably scalding hot???) oven door myself…

    4. NacSacJack*

      Glad I wasnt drinking coffee when I read that story. Laughing so hard my entire body is jiggling (As someone with first hand experience with gun powder and drunken relatives)

    5. Free Meerkats*

      I know this will only be read by a few, but one of my Duty assignments in the Navy was the base fire department. Literally the only live call I went on that year was for a storage building that was full of mattresses. We had to go in to put out the fire that had reached that point.

      Punched out the top of the door and got some reaction, so we breached the entire door. It was like getting hit by a truck. A truck on fire that’s trying to set you on fire. Three guys in full turnouts and SCBAs carrying a charged 2 1/2-inch firehose blown back about 20 feet.

      Those guys don’t get paid enough.

  28. saffytaffy*

    I like to bring weird jello molds to office potlucks. Chai tea, chocolate raspberry, fizzy gingerale… I’m never surprised when people love them, but it’s interesting that there have been people who have really been offended by my jello molds. “That’s not food,” a woman said once.

      1. Natalie*

        Or she is from Minnesota, and is horrified that it’s not red jello with mandarin oranges and canned pineapple in it.

        1. Marillenbaum*

          Or from Utah, and is deeply offended that it isn’t lime jello with shredded carrots (Oh, my people–I love you, but WHY?)

          1. Rusty Shackelford*

            My daughter was assigned to do a report about a state and bring a food related to that state. Her state was Utah, and we had a friend who had just moved from there, and she said “Bring Jello.” No shredded carrots, but the little cups of Jello were a big hit.

      2. saffytaffy*

        I use 1 packet of a flavored jello- raspberry or cranberry if i can find it- and then a half cup of boiling water and 1.5 cups of ginger ale.
        The thing is, i WOULD just use unflavored gelatin and up the ginger flavor, but actual ginger bits and even ginger tea will break down the gelatin protein and the jello never sets. So i recommend you go the flavored jello route to add some interest.
        If you use something other than gingerale, though, like champagne or coke or whatever, you can use some kind of intensely flavored liquid for the .5C or 1C of boiling liquid. I’d use grape juice with champagne and maybe cherry juice for coke.

    5. LKW*

      A friend of the family would do this for every potluck. Nothing fancy, just fruit in jello. Still, if she didn’t come (or didn’t make the jello) people would be very disappointed. Any time the group would do a little fun teasing – her teasing involved Jello jokes and jello themed jewelry such as boxes strung together in a necklace.

      1. einahpets*

        Yeah, my great grandma would always make a cranberry/apple jello mold for the holidays. To this day, it is my go-to meal to make for a holiday potluck. I know people who totally judge the jello, but it is always one of the plates that is finished at the end of the potluck…

    7. Damn it, Hardison!*

      This reminds me a of a potluck at my last workplace . The theme was retro foods, but not limited to any particular time period. My contribution was a jello “salad” (where I’m from all jello is salad, regardless of the amount of whipped cream involved). It involved strawberries (frozen, of course), strawberry jello, cream cheese, powdered sugar, whipped cream, and a crust made out of pretzels and melted butter. Once the initial skepticism to wore off it was a big hit.

      1. Rainy*

        A few years ago a Southern pal mentioned pineapple casserole to me as a holiday staple of her people, and I asked for the recipe, looked at the ingredient list, shrugged, and tried it at the next Thanksgiving. (I like to try a new dish at most holiday meals–it’s fun and if you don’t like it, there’s literally a groaning table full of other foods to eat, and the squirrels will be happy to eat failures.) It has become a holiday staple on my table now too. Sometimes weird stuff turns out to be weird DELICIOUS stuff. :)

        1. SignalLost*

          Is that the line jello one with cottage cheese? I’m almost more interested in the names for that than the dish, but it is a summer staple in my family.

          1. Rainy*

            Oh, no–this is crushed pineapple, drained, flour, sugar, cheddar cheese, a little salt, some of the pineapple juice added back in, and then a ritz cracker crumble topping, baked.

              1. Rainy*

                It’s so ducking good I can’t even. I made it that first year and was like “Welp, this is happening every year forever.”

              2. Rainy*

                It also turned out to be exactly what my post-holiday brunch dish was missing–I do this baked layered brunch thing the day after a holiday meal, in individual dishes, and it’s basically the whole meal, but layered and then baked in the oven, and the pineapple casserole lends a really welcome note of acidic sweetness that balances the earthy sweetness of the sweet potato casserole.

            2. paul*

              my MIL is from Ohio and makes something like that but calls it something something pineapple cake, I can’t remember the name.

              It has no calories so I can eat it forever…right?

            3. Adlib*

              That sounds a lot better than what my grandparents liked for holidays – crushed pineapple topped with shredded cheddar, and that was it.

              In my family, we do 5 Cup Salad – 1 cup each of pineapple, mandarin oranges, shredded coconut, miniature marshmallows, and sour cream. Stir.

              1. Elsajeni*

                Adlib! Are we cousins? I know the dish is just a variant of ambrosia salad, but I’ve never heard anyone outside my family call it 5-Cup Salad.

                1. Adlib*

                  Haha! Maybe! It’s really good, but I don’t really see it at potlucks much, just at family gatherings. That’s so cool though!

          2. Rana*

            Is that the line jello one with cottage cheese?

            Ah, “green stuff”! Cool Whip with Jello and cottage cheese? My godmother also made a “pink stuff” variant with strawberry Jello. I adored both as a kid. (Maybe I should try to make some…)

            1. accidental manager*

              When my mother was making food for a fancy ladies’ lunch (the bridge club or the church ladies), she would make a jello moulded salad with lime jello, cottage cheese, and a little bit of horseradish. I guess she knew better than to try making that one for the kids.

          1. Rainy*

            See above for the basic outline. I think the normal is one can crushed and one can chunk but I like all crushed, and then I use brown sugar instead of white, but a scant half as much as the recipe wants.

      2. Mary (in PA)*

        Jello pretzel salad! This is a big hit for potlucks and parties in the Pittsburgh area. A friend of mine loves it beyond all reason and has it at every one of her events…which, of course, I will never miss.

      3. Tish the tester*

        Someone brought this to a vegetarian potluck at our office. Big hit here too, it’s surprisingly tasty. Although I did find myself hoping the contributor knew to find a vegan version of jello…

        1. Miss Herring*

          There is one! It’s called “agar-agar” or sometimes just “agar.” It’s from algae, so it is perfectly safe for vegetarians (and vegans). I have not used it yet, but the proportions you need in recipes may be different than gelatin. Health and natural food stores sell it both plain and flavored.

      5. SpiderLadyCEO*

        This is a special favorite of mine, and I’m always surprised when friends from the same region I am don’t know what it is. I made some for a fourth party this summer, and happily ate it all myself.
        (This was after I failed to bring it to the party because I messed up the crust and it wasn’t pretty,haha.)

    10. Hlyssande*

      My bestie and I made two old fashioned jello molds for her grandma’s funeral luncheon. We couldn’t figure out how to get them out of the molds, but the church ladies took over from us.

      One was peaches and cream, two layered (one white, one peachy, with peach slices in the cream layer), and I think the other one was champagne-related. Both were delicious.

      Chai tea and fizzy ginger ale sound like they’d be amazing jello molds!

      1. Beaded Librarian*

        Lutheran Wedding Salad and Lutheran Funeral Salad both are red jello and have whipped topping but one involves bananas and I can never remember which is which.

        1. Marillenbaum*

          That’s amazing! I’m from Utah, and our big thing is Funeral Potatoes: hash browns, creamy canned soup, and ALL the cheese. It’s delicious.

      2. Gwenderful*

        My grandma used to teach 4H girls her Jello pineapple rings – pour the juice out of the can and refill with jello. Once it’s set you can slice the rings apart and they look all pretty spread on a plate. One of her former students, who became a church lady had fond memories of the recipe and made them for her funeral lunch.

  29. Temperance*

    At my last job, we had a cookie baking contest. For some reason, our receptionist, who was famous for not washing her hands after using the bathroom, decided to submit a few entries.

    It was painfully obvious that everyone was avoiding her stuff. I heard more than one person say, don’t eat those, Receptionist made them. My favorite reaction was when someone started eating one, someone else warned them, and the person ran to the trash and spit it out.

    1. LKW*

      At a cousin’s wedding, they had set out little gifts for the guests. A little box of chocolates that my aunt, who never cleaned her home (as in pet poop, garbage, hoarder level filth), had made in her kitchen. My dad bit into one and I just whispered ” made those in her kitchen.” He spit it out and took a swig of a drink.

      1. Temperance*

        GROSS! Oh I just tasted those cat-hair covered chocolates, in my head. At least he hopefully had something alcoholic nearby to sterilize his mouth ;)

  30. svedin*

    I will never forget the most gender defined potluck I’ve ever attended: the ladies made lovely intricate dishes, the gentlemen in relationships had their girlfriends/wives make passable dishes, the single men went to McDonald’s and served that as their contribution.

    That was the end of potlucks for that team.

      1. Natalie*

        Did they think we were born knowing how to cook?

        I mean, yes, a lot of them literally do. Gender essentialism, hurray!

      2. Snark*

        So, I took the culinary ball and ran with it, and I love to cook, but back when I was heading off to college, my parents made it very clear that having one’s s*** together as a human and a man included being able to a) make a few edible, decent dinners, b) make her breakfast the next morning and c) being able to put together a decent potluck dish without throwing a tantrum or bringing in fast food.

        1. Marillenbaum*

          Hell, my late paternal grandmother raised four sons in the 1950s, and still insisted that everyone be able to successfully cook spaghetti and meatloaf before leaving home. Her argument was “no one wants to marry a mess”.

        2. Mandy*

          My dad lived as a bachelor on his own for 15 years before marrying my mom, he likes to cook, will always bring his pineapple pie to a potluck and is generally a better cook than my mom.

      3. K.*

        My dad is a fantastic cook and he learned from his father. (Both his parents were good cooks. Everybody loved going to dinner at their house!) He taught me (a woman) how to cook when I was a kid and I’m really good at it as a result. (I also enjoy it – it’s a hobby.) And honestly, I’d be embarrassed to bring stuff from McDonald’s even if I couldn’t cook. They couldn’t get a veggie plate or something from the grocery store?

        1. OhNo*

          Right? I rarely cook for potlucks because I can’t afford to make the foods I know how to cook for that many people, but at least I’ve got the sense to pick up a veggie platter or cheese tray or some quality baked goods. It’s weird to me that some guys feel no shame about putting so little effort into potlucks that they can’t even be bothered to make a trip to the store.

    2. Maude*

      At old job, every time there was a potluck a male employee would bring a watermelon or other large fruit, bring it to my desk and tell me (a female) it needed to be cut up. I didn’t even work in his department – I was just a woman at a desk. I did it once, then just left it in the break room uncut until he got the message.

      1. Alli525*

        *blank look* “Uh, I mean, obviously the watermelon needs to be cut up, that’s what someone does to a watermelon when they bring it to the potluck. So… what are you going to do about that?”

        honestly, the nerve of some men.

    4. Temperance*

      I will very occasionally make chocolate chip cookies if Booth wants to take them in to work. I’m a very good baker and love it, though, but yeah, it is kind of gender essentialist and creepy.

      1. The Other Katie*

        The male of this household often takes what I bake to work, but that’s a defence mechanism, as I bake far more than is reasonable for us to eat. I think he’s only once asked me to make something, but that was because he genuinely did not have time, not because he didn’t know how. Occasional labour-sharing isn’t really a bad thing, as long as it doesn’t become a habit, right?

        1. Shiara*

          Husband and I have each made stuff for the other person to bring to work events before due to timing issues.

          And he’ll also bring stuff I bake in to work as a defense mechanism because I make too much and I don’t want to bring it in to my work because I want to dodge that reputation as the only woman on my team.

        3. The Ginger Ninja*

          One of my former colleagues used to bring in his wife’s baking, but she mostly baked when she was angry (usually at him)and needed stress relief. He’d bring us brownies or cookies and we’d be like “dude, what did you do this time?”

  31. Henrietta Gondorf*

    My old office (a government law office) used to do regular potlucks and responsibility for monitoring the sign up sheet rotated. On my turn, one of the men (an attorney) came into my office and asked about the sign up sheet and if drinks, paper products, and utensils were already covered. When I said yes, he looked absolutely stricken and said “But what will the men do!?” I said “Learn how to cook.”

    He sulked for the rest of the week and wound up bringing a small plain pizza from shop five minutes away and then whined about not even really liking pizza but being thwarted on bringing sodas.

  32. WG*

    At a nonprofit, we could not use organization funds for personal get-togethers (birthdays, farewells, etc.). I was relatively new to an office where someone else was leaving. The rest of us chose to organize a farewell. One staff member volunteered to do the shopping for food and paper goods and bake a cake. She made clear she wanted to be reimbursed for everything, including the ingredients to make the cake. She provided her receipts and a few of us chipped in to cover all of the cost (meaning the shopper/baker only contributed time, no money). After the event was over, she packaged everything up and took it back to her own office. When someone asked the next day if they could have some of the leftovers, she’d said she’d taken it all home at the end of the prior day.

    Not a bad deal to have all the leftover ingredients from baking the cake (which I’m sure didn’t use all 5 pounds of flour, the full dozen eggs, etc. she was reimbursed for) and all of the leftovers from the party.

    1. Jules the Third*

      meh – there’s a lot of labor involved, I would totally see the leftovers as reimbursing her for her *time*.

      1. Rusty Shackelford*

        But the people who provided the ingredients hadn’t been made aware of that part of the deal.

      2. Chickasaurus*

        I disagree; everyone else contributed cash but her, so her time was her contribution (and she volunteered). I could MAYBE see giving her the leftover baking supplies, but the leftover food should have been shared among everyone.

    2. Alli525*

      This is a weird grey area. My office does monthly happy-hour potlucks, where we all throw in $25 (optional) at the beginning of the year and then rotate in teams as hosts and get reimbursed. After the party’s over, whatever’s not eaten usually gets taken home by the people who bought it, unless it’s super easy to eat at one’s desk (like chips/crisps).

      and Jules is right – your coworker may not have used all dozen eggs (although they do come in six-packs now too), but she invested a lot of time out of her evening too, so the leftovers are part of the reimbursement for that.

      1. Candi*

        The food preparer committed only time, but no money.

        The others contributed money, but no time.

        To balance things out, the leftovers at least should have ben portioned out between them all.

  33. Amber Rose*

    The ridiculous: Every so often someone brings in a box of donuts. Someone was using a knife to cut off part of a donut and eat that, and left the other 1/2 to 3/4 of the donut behind. One dude was so upset about this that he bought a box of donuts and cut them all to pieces first.

    The rude: my predecessor was lactose intolerant. They celebrated her last day here with an ice cream cake. Which she obviously ate none of. I thought that was a pretty nasty slap in the face. Yeah, I get that we usually just get ice cream cakes for every event, but it’s not like nobody knew she couldn’t have ice cream. Everyone knew.

    1. Snark*

      “Someone was using a knife to cut off part of a donut and eat that, and left the other 1/2 to 3/4 of the donut behind.”

      There was a person in my old office who would take half a muffin. The top half. I hated her so much.

      1. Health Insurance Nerd*

        Ok, I need to know- is cutting an office donut in half considered rude? We are major donut eaters in my department, and this does happen (and sometimes it’s me) is that bad?????

        1. Snark*

          I mean, I think half is okay, but if you’re cutting off bite-size pieces, just commit and take a walk later.

          But with muffins, you don’t just take the top and leave the bottom like some kind of fucking barbarian. That is just Not Done.

        2. Squeeble*

          I don’t think taking half a donut is a big deal. We have them here every Friday and people do that all the time. Some people are deeply against it, though, so YMMV. Now, the muffin thing…THAT would make me mad.

        3. Amber Rose*

          Eh, it doesn’t bother me. I think it’s just this one guy I work with, it bothers him.

          Don’t like, take a bite out of one, but cutting one with a clean knife is fine.

          1. Squeeble*

            Yeah, and also, cutting a doughnut in half is fine. Once it gets to thirds and quarters and eighths(!!), that’s just gross and unnecessary.

              2. Lissa*

                This is where I’m showing my Canadian pride – you mean Timbits! Like every potluck I’ve gone to has some timbits. This would probably not be true at classier ones but I have never been to one of those.

        4. Grad student*

          Sometimes I think “mmm, I kind of want a donut, but I don’t know if I want a whole donut” and then if I find half a donut in the box I’m delighted.

          1. anon for this one*

            And sometimes I think “I want a cinnamon donut, but I also want a blueberry donut” and I’m thrilled to find someone else had the same idea.

        5. SignalLost*

          I guess it depends on whether it’s motivated by genuine disinterest in the other half of the doughnut or by the belief that dessert is bad (whether displaying that one is counting calories (“I shouldn’t have this but I’ll do an extra half hour on the treadmill” rather than “I don’t want the other half for dietary reasons and feel no need to justify my choices at you”) or orthorexia or whatever). Personally, it drives me insane when people cut doughnuts in half, but that usually has a lot of performative guilt on their part associated with it. Just cut the doughnut in half, eat it, don’t talk about why you only want half, and don’t eat the other half later.

        6. Kris*

          We have donuts every few months in my office, and people regularly will cut donuts in half and take only half. No one in my office considers this rude, to my knowledge.

        7. karou*

          I don’t think so — people at my office cut donuts in half all the time if they only want a bit or to leave more for everyone (e.g. if there are a dozen donuts but more than 12 people on the team).

        10. Amber T*

          There’s someone in my office who cuts up an apple and leaves 3/4 behind. They cut it in half, the cut one half in half again, leaving the rest behind for everyone else. Every. Morning. I’ve yet to figure out who this is, BUT COME ON.

        11. KSM*

          There’s a ‘fancy’ donut shop in my city and from time to time someone brings in donuts from them. Since every donut is fancy and they’re all different flavours, people will take bite-sized pieces of each donut so everyone gets to sample any donut they want. I think that’s reasonable.

        12. Gelliebean*

          There are a bunch of us in my office who have, kind of unspokenly, decided to only cut a donut / bagel / etc. in half if there’s someone to take the other half. Like “Hey, I want a taste of this but I don’t want the whole thing, would you like to split it?” I don’t know if I’d call it rude to just leave half of something, but it seems to contribute to food waste around here because usually no one wants the bit that’s just sitting in the box.

        13. Chriama*

          I hate people who take half and leave the other half in the box. No one is going to take the thing you touched! (Even if you used cutlery and a napkin, psychologically you touched it). Either take it yourself and throw away the uneaten half, or find a buddy to split with ahead of time. Don’t leave it in the box to gross people (me) out.

        14. kc89*

          I wouldn’t say rude, but it can be annoying when everyone does it. It’s not appetizing to see a plate full of bits of donuts instead of actual donuts.

          If you don’t want the full thing I would just find someone to split it with

      2. Amber Rose*

        Whaaat. That’s the best part. That would be like cutting a donut in half sideways and just taking the bit with the icing.

      3. Mockingjay*

        I split donuts all the time with one of the directors. We pretend that the calories don’t count that way. Whoever sees it first slices and leaves half for the other.

        Current job is mellow about things like this. It’s a good place.

      4. MilkMoon (UK)*

        Man, I didn’t realise anyone would have the balls to do that, it is the best half. I’m simultaneously awed and horrified.

      5. Kvothe*

        We call this the half-life of the last piece in our office, it’s pretty much a running joke that you can’t take the last piece of cake/donut/whatever you need to just cut it half and so it continues until it’s literally too small to cut in half

    2. DCGirl*

      Someone at my current job would cut a 1/8 piece out of doughnuts whenever they’re brought in, so her minions have started doing it as well. You’ll approach the box in the kitchen and find five doughnuts with a small slice taken out of each. I don’t know why they can’t go together and, you know, share one god-damn doughnut between them.

    3. Arielle*

      We always bring in cakes for birthdays on our team (reimbursed by our team budget.) On my birthday, my coworker went out of her way to find something for me since she knew I was lactose intolerant and ended up bringing in a fruit tart…full of custard. I could pick some of the fruit off and eat it but that was about it.

      She felt HORRIBLE, she just hadn’t thought about what custard was made of. Ironically, I can eat cheap grocery store cake just fine since the frosting is usually just butter and sugar.

      1. TootsNYC*

        actually, it may be just Crisco and sugar.
        (does butter not have lactose? oh, I see–a Google search shows me it has very, very little)

      2. Azure Jane Lunatic*

        A teammate of mine once (absent-mindedly?) stuck a takeout bowl of soup from the cafeteria into one of her desk drawers. Unfortunately, she then fell very ill (for unrelated reasons) before she remembered to take it out and throw it away. So it was sealed in there for a month or two. She left the company without coming back. Since I was the department admin, it fell to me to sort through her cube to sort the company stuff from her stuff, and to box up her stuff to send to her. The manager was very apologetic. Fortunately, for all that it smelled gross, it was fully contained in the lidded bowl, and I had bags and gloves and a mask. There weren’t any other caches of gross stuff, it was just that one unfortunate bowl of soup.

        The team also had a tradition of a snack table. People brought stuff back from their trips, shared extra treats, or brought stuff for the team on purpose. This was fine until an unusually wet rainy season drove ants into the building from a nest just outside the door. There was a trail about four inches wide between the table and the door.

        It was a huge company, and not everybody had good boundaries about what was leftovers and what was set up for a specific meeting. I learned pretty quickly that I had to stand guard over any food that had to be set up outside a meeting room, and that whenever possible I should ask the catering team to set up inside the room, yes, even though there would be some distraction from the meeting. (Yes, I did work with Ivanova. Different building, though.)

        On a happier note, there was a company-wide opt-in mailing list, called (appropriately) vultures@example.com, where people would share information about leftovers up for grabs. A few of the lower level executives were on the list, and would sometimes inform us about a late meeting that had been over-catered. We appreciated that.

    4. Cath*

      The woman at my husband’s job who is responsible for getting cakes always gets what SHE wants, not the celebrant. Someone didn’t like chocolate cake, but she got it anyway. My husband can’t eat gluten…yet there was that same chocolate cake.

      2. Snark*

        My coworkers got me a carrot cake for my birthday one year, which was lovely of them, and someone we all barely knew who worked in a different department came in, rolled her eyes, said “I was going to ask for cake, but if it’s not chocolate, what’s even the point?” and flounced out.

        1. nonegiven*

          I hate chocolate cake. It’s like, you’re calling THAT chocolate? Really. I’ll have anything else over that.

    5. pumpkin spice.*

      At my office when we’d have fancy donuts, we’d all always cut 1/4 of whatever donut we wanted to try first. We’d get a box of 12 different flavors and it was considered rude if you took a whole or half of a good flavor like maple bacon, you had to just try a little and leave the rest for other people to try. We definitely were a culture of “cut it into 8ths so everyone gets a chance.” Funny to hear about how angry it makes other people, when that just seemed normal to us!

      1. Amber Rose*

        Oh, we don’t get fancy donuts. Just coffee shop ones with your standard white and chocolate, with and without sprinkles.

      4. Lissa*

        Just as long as somebody let new people know it’s considered rude to take a whole one! Otherwise I imagine some poor person deciding to take a whole doughnut because that’s normal to them and everyone giving them side eye.

    6. Stephenie S Labovitz*

      We had a similar incident. We had a big going-away potluck for a vegetarian gentleman that had worked on our team for several years. I had already seen at other holiday parties that the company-ordered meat entree (that they collected money from every team member to purchase) would be ham or pork ribs even though half of our team was muslim or jewish. So I made several main dish items for his going-away party that were vegetarian to make sure he would have enough to eat. Out of the entire potluck, my 3 dishes were the only thing the guest of honor could eat. Everything else had meat in it.

      As rude as I know it makes me, I was so mad about this insensitivity that after the meal (out of his hearing range) I went to each person who supplied food and pointedly asked them why they brought food that they knew he couldn’t eat for his party to make sure people realized what they’d done.

    7. Pineapple Incident*

      I used to work with very health-conscious nurses who ALWAYS did this when someone brought it donuts. I was one of maybe 4 people on a unit of 50 staff on various shifts who would take a whole donut out of the box and eat it in one go. Lots of people would return to the breakroom and cut off 1/4 of a donut at a time out of diet-shame and eat it in secret. I loved working with these people, but always thought that was bizarre.

  34. nisie*

    My story- we had moved into a new office building and been merged with another department. I put bottled water into the fridge in the Morning and it was gone. I made the label larger, and it was gone. I put tape over the top of the water bottle and it was gone.

    Until I was in the cafeteria and saw that a big wig was ignoring my stuff, and drinking it. I went up and smiled and informed her that was my water. She stated she thought it was free. I smiled again and knowing she was in charge of the budget, cheerfully said that it didn’t appear we spent money on water bottles.

    My crazy boss jumped me for that one and I escalated it to her boss (who was the same level as the thief). No water was ever taken. I also learned the thief stole her employees foods unless in a bag where she couldn’t see it.

    2. Turtlewings*

      From her own employees… I just… Food thieves make me so nuts. How can they just blatantly steal other people’s stuff?? How do they live with themselves? (I mean obviously they don’t have consciences but I just can’t understand the mindset.)

      1. nisie*

        This happened in July, I was out of there by end of November. The dysfunction that existed was massive- mostly around crazy boss. But yes, that was very typically for the manager.

    3. ggg*

      I was this bad person once. Our admin would sometimes bring water that was leftover from meetings, and leave it in our office fridge. So when I saw water in the fridge I would take one. After a month, I found out someone was actually bringing in their own personal water, and here I was totally drinking it right in front of him, but he was too nice to say anything about it.

      1. Monsters of Men*

        Seems like an honest mistake though! I doubt you’d continue if your coworker had labelled and taped it.

    4. Girl friday*

      Your boss jumped you? That might mean something different where I’m from…? The thief outranks your boss? So many questions.

  35. Commenter One*

    I worked in a small office for a larger company with about 12 people in my department and we had our own lunch room. When it was time for lunch (11:30a) someone would ring a bell (like at the hotel front desk) alerting everyone it was lunch time. If you did not come to the lunch room, someone would come looking for you and ask why you were not at lunch. The boss said it was for team building, but in reality he liked to have an audience for his stories/ranting’s/topics of the day. If someone was having a side conversation while he was telling a story, he would glare at the offenders and talk louder. Lunch was often the worst part of the day.

    3. Turtlewings*

      Oh my gosh, I would have climbed out a window if necessary. Lunch is about me and my food and my book.

      3. JustaTech*

        There was a company in Seattle that was profiled for having these “all company” lunches, except maybe they also cooked the lunch together too?
        The phrase “we’re like a family here” was used.

  36. TheBenefits Guy*

    I worked in a hotel for several years when I was young. One manager always made her carrot salad for every pot luck meal. I’m not a fan of carrot salad with raisins, so I would always pass. One year, a new employee mentioned that said salad had a few hairs in it, 2-4 inches each. Turns out the maker had long-hair Chihuahuas who had the run of her home. One of the women in the office ran for the ladies room upon hearing that, returning with a queasy look on her face a few moments later.

  37. Health Insurance Nerd*

    At a startup tech company that I worked for years ago, someone brought in cake to celebrate something (baby? wedding?). When they went to get they cake they discovered that someone had helped themselves to a piece. Terrible on its own, yes, but this person had taken a piece right out of the MIDDLE of the cake (and it literally looked like they had used their hand to do it). It was awful and came off as incredibly passive aggressive, and we never figured out who the culprit was.

  38. Grits McGee*

    I posted last year about a coworker who insisted on having gummie zombie body part candy as decoration for our holiday party, and literally burst into tears in a supervisor’s office because she was told no by the other party planners.

    Readers, she’s still got the same candy and wants us to have it at this year’s party.

    4. Magenta Sky*

      So, not only is it inappropriate to begin with, now it’s stale, too boot. There are few things worse than stale gumnie candy.

  39. not my usual name*

    I’m going to out myself with this one because it’s so specific. This isn’t quite a bad food story, but it goes with yesterday’s discussion of what constitutes an appropriate office prank.

    I used to work overseas in an office with almost all Americans (I am also American) and my boss loooooooooooved Starburst. Any time we went home we would all bring back treats for the others, and it was common knowledge that you should put a bag of Starburst for the office in your luggage (we all ate them, but it was definitely mostly for the boss). One person brought one of those 16oz bags back, and the boss was ecstatic. So when he was otherwise occupied, my coworkers and I hid all of the Starburst except the yellows (because really, who LOVES yellow Starburst?). His reaction was amazing, but I also learned that I cannot do office pranks because my face gave the plot away within seconds.

        1. Rainy*

          Orange starburst tastes exactly like orange chapstick, and has the same mouthfeel.

          (Don’t judge, I ate an orange chapstick one time. I was 3 and didn’t have a firm grasp on the difference between food and not-food–and if you’d ever eaten my mum’s cooking you’d understand why.)

    2. LadyKelvin*

      I just played a “prank” on my coworker with starbursts. I brought in some of our leftover halloween candy for the office candy dish and it was skittles and starbursts. She mentioned that she loved starbursts so before I put the candy out for the general population I pulled a handful of the 2 pack starburst candies out to give to her. She wasn’t at her desk when I got there so I stashed a few in places where it might take her a day or two to find, while leaving the rest on her desk. When she found the first one she told me, and I let her know how many I had hidden and that I had only put them in places that were readily available (so I didn’t go through any of her stuff). She thought it was the best thing ever.

    3. Amber T*

      I read this as Starbucks first and I was very, very confused. Also, yellows are my favorite and I think pink is the worst (apparently I’m a terrible human being).

      1. Rainy*

        You’re not a terrible human but you and I should be friends. You can have all my yellows and I will eat all the pink ones.

    5. JGRAY*

      Oh my gosh my type of thread. I worked at a company where the CEO hated orange starbursts so he would go through the candy dish on my desk (candy paid for by company) opening all of the fun size starburst eating a bunch & leaving the orange. I discovered he was doing this when I came in one morning to the garbage from the starburst he ate and a pile of orange ones. He came in right after me and sheepishly said sorry this is my garbage. Where the whole time I had been wondering where the random orange starburst were coming from.

  40. CR*

    Not weird, but one of the funniest potluck moments was at a breakfast potluck. On the sign up sheet someone wrote “Peppers.” We all assumed he was going to make some kind of savoury breakfast dish with peppers. Nope. He literally brought in a couple bell peppers and cut them up. For breakfast. Everyone else in my office makes fairly elaborate potluck dishes, so we had fun teasing him for that one.

    1. Jules the Third*

      I would be all over them, personally. I love raw green bell peppers. One room mate mentioned he was looking at me funny because he’d ‘never seen someone eat a pepper like an apple before’.

      It’s my parents’ fault.

        1. Jules the Third*

          hahaha – no, they just always had a large garden, so my afternoon snack was usually walking into the back yard and picking something. I loved the fruit, but sometimes the choice was peppers or brussel sprouts.

      3. paul*

        We use them as a side dish at my house. Bonus points if the funny colored ones are on sale so you can make a festive fall spread with bell peppers of various colors and butternut squash (which was served with a green chile pork stew last night at our house)

  41. Hermione*

    Not THAT weird compared to other stories I’m sure will be shared, but a few years ago I had been running too late to make my lunch before work, so I grabbed the packs of deli meat and bread I had bought the night before and carried them with me to work in my lunch bag, which I then stored in the staff fridge.

    Well, sometime between 9 am and 12:30 pm, someone stole an entire week’s worth of deli meats from my labeled lunch bag. I was so angry. I had to pay something like $10 I didn’t really have to buy a salad nearby, and I had to figure out lunches for the rest of my week with money I hadn’t budgeted for. I never put food in that fridge again. The kicker? It was a slow period, and only a few people were around the office. Every single person who had access to that fridge that week made at least $70k more than me in salary.

    It made me ramp up my job search, to be honest. It feels petty to write out now, but who does that? Taking a few pieces for your own lunch? That’s gross, but fine, I guess I get it. But the entire thing? Screw you, you ham-stealing jerk.

    1. Turtlewings*

      I don’t think it’s petty at all. That shows you something really important about the people above you in the organization. :/

    2. CM*

      I’m generally opposed to the officewide shaming email, but in your case I think it would have been warranted.

    4. Rebecca in Dallas*

      Who does that?! And what did they do with an entire package of ham for the rest of the day? I hope they got trichinosis (or whatever you get from pork that’s gone bad).

      1. Candi*

        Trichinosis is a parasite, communicable to humans, so someone would have some ‘splainin’ to do.

        General food poisoning is a little mild for this kind of theft.

  42. Countess Boochie Flagrante*

    Back at OldJob, one of the managers would bring in boxes and boxes and boxes of these large chocolate Easter egg candies (not Cadbury) and set them out. During my last year there, we had a newbie who had some… hm. interesting ideas about cause and effect and also very little ability to modulate her tone or volume. We also had a long-time coworker with diabetes who liked to joke about how he was going to pig out on sugar and make sure he died on company time.

    End result? Newbie yelling for the entire floor to hear about how sugar was the worst drug and he was better off just shooting himself full of heroin, then grabbing a chocolate egg off his desk and cramming it in her mouth.

  43. LegalStaff*

    At OldJob, a couple of the secretaries went for fancy pizza at lunch. Two leftover pieces were stored in a box in the fridge to be taken home for dinner. At the end of the day, the leftover owner found the box, in the fridge, with two crusts inside. If you’re going to steal food, I don’t know why you wouldn’t throw the box away to hide the evidence. Why leave it in the fridge?

    1. skweeks50*

      I work on a team of about 14 people and one day we all decided to chip in and order pizza for lunch. We had enough leftovers to save for the next day so the woman that ordered the pizza marked the number of pieces left on each box, taped it closed, and put in in the fridge.
      The next day she pulled out the pizza for lunch and someone had opened each box and taken 2-3 pieces, taped it shut, and put it back in the fridge.
      We have a big food theft problem in our office so cameras were installed outside of the kitchen area earlier this year. They reviewed the footage and fired the person that walked out with random pizza.
      We also had someone steal 6 frozen pizzas and a box of garlic bread out of our freezer a few weeks ago. No word on if they are going to review the footage for that one.

  44. DCGirl*

    I worked for an employer where I was sometimes sent to a remote office in Saint Mary’s County, MD, at times. As a result, I was invited to their holiday party. Saint Mary’s County is firmly located in Southern Maryland, and there’s a local delicacy called stuffed ham that always has to make an appearance at any potluck there.

    The issue is that some of the worst outbreaks of food poisoning in Maryland have been caused by stuffed ham. Seriously, Google “stuffed ham food poisoning,” and look for the stories — the most well-known incident occurred from a church supper in 1997, when 700 people got sick, 100 went to the hospital, and 2 elderly folks died. Basically, the population of an entire small town was flat on their back for days from it.

    So, I was utterly terrified about trying it and got so much crap about it, it wasn’t funny. I was teased, cajoled, mocked…. you name it. I’ll normally try most anything at a potluck, but not that.

    1. Southern Maryland Ham, Oyster, and Crab Eater*

      I am from Saint Mary’s County! I love stuffed ham. There is an art to making it correctly. It is NOT a quick process and you need the proper kind of ham (brined).

      My favorite place to get a ham (if I don’t make one) is a store in the same town that the infamous 1977 church food poisoning event occurred in! It’s soooo good.

    2. JeanB in NC*

      I lived in St Mary’s County for about 7 years when I was young, and I never even heard of stuffed ham! I’ll have to ask some friends who still live there about it.

    4. Close Bracket*

      I looked up stuffed ham, and this was the last line in the recipe:

      > cool the ham in the cooking liquid overnight,

      Um, only do this is night time temperatures are below 40 F. Ugh. No wonder people get food poisoning.

  45. Anonymous in the South*

    We were having a retirement party for a well-respected and much-loved retiring educator. All the food was stored in the fridges and people who were off that day were bringing it and putting in the banquet rooms. About 30 minutes before the party started, several of us went in to heat up anything that needed to be warmed, put out serving utensils, plates, etc. Every single dish that had been brought in had a corner section missing (casseroles, desserts) and the meat dishes (which had been brought in just before we went in to set-up) had slice of meat missing (ham, pot roast). People started flipping out. We didn’t want to serve food that someone had handled/stolen from because we didn’t know if they used a clean utensil to take the food or if they had used the same one or licked it between scoops or what.

    We ended up throwing it all out and several of us went to a local grocery store deli and bought new/fresh food. We never did find out who did it. Everyone was welcome to eat with us, even if they didn’t bring anything, so it was baffling as to why a person would do that.

      1. Ramona Flowers*

        I feel like I’m in a minority on this thread as I don’t care that much if someone touches my food… and I’m with you on this.

        2. Oh boy oh boy*

          Me too. How do people think restaurant food is prepared or fresh food is put on supermarket shelves? With Hands!

    4. Lison*

      I guess its like if someone has done this what else did they do. Like with Tynanol if you got a pack with the tamper proof seal broken would you take it knowing the reason for tamper proof seals was some weirdo poisoning containers and putting them back on random shelves. If someone will betray the social contract do much as to interfere with every dish what else would they do? Not likely but would you make every one take the chance? Plus if whoever did it sees everything being thrown away it should make them think it’s so not ok.

    5. kible*

      what a waste!! could’ve just properly cut/carved off a couple more sections around each missing part and still served it, y’all overreacted.

    6. Raine*

      I think it’s reasonable to speculate that whoever cut a piece out of every food could have possibly contaminated the food as a whole in some way, especially with something like meat or cheese that’s pretty much entirely contaminated if touched by hand. Whether or not it was worth throwing away the food is debatable, but the risk of giving people food poisoning is usually not worth taking.

    7. Not Australian*

      I totally agree, you couldn’t serve the food once it had been ‘sampled’ by someone; it’s just not worth taking the chance.

    8. Anonymous in the South*

      We threw all the food out because we didn’t know if they had used their hand or a utensil. The missing scoops were not neatly cut, we had a few people with food allergies and we did not know if the dishes has been cross-contaminated, etc.

      I know when food is made in restaurants it is made by hands but most food places require staff to use plastic gloves and I can wash fruit/veggies off at home before cutting. The point it someone took it upon themselves to take scoops of food out of every dish before it was served when they could have just waited and still gotten a portion of everything. They thought they were above waiting like everyone else. To me, it’s no different than the stories where someone would take a slice of cheese or meat off an already made sandwich. And if someone had gotten sick, it would have been blamed on the food thief.

  46. DecorativeCacti*

    This seems rather tame compared to the examples…

    To solve the ever-present “who cleans the fridge” conundrum, we have a rotating schedule by department. Reminders go out earlier in the week (and day of) that the fridges will be cleaned on Friday afternoon and any items without names will be tossed. So on my turn, I found a bottle of juice with no name. The person who was helping me clean said she thought it belonged to Cersei. I said it was unlabeled and threw it away. Cersei then waged a war against me by giving me the cold shoulder and telling every person she could find that I threw away the juice that I knew belonged to her, along with all sorts of disparaging comments. Six months to a year later, I’m sitting in the break room and she all of a sudden says, “I’m over the juice thing. I forgive you.” She Acts like it never happened, but I don’t really care. It was a two dollar bottle of juice. No need to be that petty.

    2. AnonMinion*

      I love this. I am ruthless when it is my team’s turn to clean out the fridge. People get SO many reminders and then are horrified if their stuff is tossed. When you have 100+ people sharing two fridges, you have to be cut throat IMO.

  47. Midwest Red Sox Fan*

    This post is so timely! I just received the “save the date” email for our Department Holiday Potluck & White Elephant Swap extravaganza. What is it about the forced fun activities that just make them….not fun?

    1. Jules the Third*

      Seriously. My company is trying to do shared food events to build team morale. Those who’ve been there >5 years are annoyed, the new folks… it seems to be working a little bit on them.

    2. HatesPotlucksSoMuch*

      My old job had at least 4 “mandatory fun” events in December. One at every level of supervision. Local legal office, local government office, regional legal office, national legal office, two of which were potlucks. As a supervisor, I was expected to attend them all. Now that I’m at the regional legal office, not supervising, it is just down to 2 of those. Still, it is no wonder I’m burned out and all bah-humbug by the time Christmas actually roles around.

  48. HeatherB*

    When I first started working at a big pharma company I was sent to headquarters for training that lasted 5 weeks. Everyone had their own little mini-suite at the hotel that had a fridge and microwave and you received a per diem for delivery or take out or room service. There was one girl who would always take everyone’s leftovers every night. We thought she was eating it (there were about 25 of us so there could sometimes be a lot of stuff leftover). On the last day when we all went to the airport for our flights back home she shows up with a bunch of food crammed into plastic bags. I’m talking BAGS of stuff. Including a big container of wonton soup that no longer had any wontons in it just brown water and stuff from week 1!! I’m pretty sure she was a food hoarder. She was distraught when she found out she couldn’t take all the liquids on the plane. 10 years later and I’m still grossed out.

  49. patricia*

    At OldJob, we celebrated birthdays once a month, and one year one of the most senior people in the department had a milestone birthday, so his administrative assistant (who was normally in charge of *buying* the cake each month) took it upon herself to “bake him a cake.” They were both the nicest people, and very close friends personally. The department as a whole was quite close while generally remaining professional. Well, she was infamous for her terrible cooking and baking, so when she showed up that day with a homemade cake, people were simultaneously touched and trepidatious, but it looked lovely. We gather in the conference room, sing happy birthday, and the senior guy starts to cut the cake.

    Except he can’t get the knife through it. He pushes, and saws, and he’s trying soooo hard to stay smiling and be gracious and it will. Not. Cut. So his direct report (who had a tiny bit of an ego) takes over, with a “do I have to do everything myself, gosh!” attitude. Same thing. He can’t cut into it either. He keeps trying gamely. Finally, the senior guy looks at the admin and says something like, “I’m so sorry to say this, but I think something is wrong with the cake.” And he was genuinely distressed that would hurt her feelings as he said it. However, simultaneously, the direct report (who’s still sawing away and making no progress) realizes the “cake” is just a cake-shaped piece of foam rubber, covered in frosting.

    He points this out and the senior guy looks positively dumbfounded for a second, and then we all just die laughing. The expressions on their faces were just hysterical. He confessed later he was so worried about hurting her feelings about the cake! She pulled out the real cake and we all ate, still laughing about everyone’s reactions.

    *Note: this was a *good* prank! Not like yesterday’s. Goodness.

    3. Betty*

      The thing about this and the Starburst prank above is that the real cake and the yellow Starburst were all still there. It was just a momentary thing and then the treat came out as usual. The prank scenario is “They thought it was going to be a treat, we made them think it wasn’t, then we revealed it was after all!” Yesterday’s prank scenario was “We made them think everything was totally, life-ruiningly awful, then revealed it was just normal.”

      1. Jules the Third*

        Also, Starburst is ‘punching up’ – ok to do, carefully. This is making fun of yourself – you get to do that.

        When I left one job, they asked what I wanted for a going away present. I said, “I’ve never been hit in the face with a pie. That would be funny.’ I meant it. It was funny.

        1. Evan Þ*

          That reminds me… Every year here, the middle management here puts on a charity auction where we can bid to hit them in the face with a pie. All the proceeds go to a really nice local charity, and then there’re other pies by the side for us to eat. It’s really fun.

        2. A.N.O.N.*

          Came here to say the same thing. The joke was at the expense of the receptionist as it was making light of her lack of baking skills. Totally acceptable.

          Also, my BF motivated his class by telling them that if they successfully completed a special project, they could pie him in the face. Pies in face – as long as the person getting pied is aware – is ALWAYS funny.

        3. Alex*

          That’s awesome! My favorite holiday is halloween and my coworkers and manager surprised me with a halloween theme going away party. The entire conference room was decorated, including spooky lighting and themed food. Best time ever.

  50. Zoe - what is that, short for Zoseph?*

    Not that exciting but every time we have a potluck, it’s usually organized by one of the sales reps (a woman) who only sends food requests to the other women in the office but the lunch itself is for everyone. It drives me crazy! I want to be a team player and participate but why should I spend my money giving the men a free lunch courtesy of their female counterparts?

      2. Zoe - what is that short for, Zoseph?*

        It’s not set up by the company, it’s one employee (not even a manager level) thinking it’d be a fun team thing for us all to do. And it’s not mandatory. We’re not close enough coworkers that I’m comfortable saying anything but I’m not seeing how it’d be legally actionable.

        1. Natalie*

          Just speaking generally – I have no idea if this potluck thing would be pervasive enough to qualify – workplace discrimination isn’t just forbidden when it comes from management. It’s not allowed from anyone, and management actually have a duty to stop their employees, clients, vendors, etc from being discriminatory or harassing or what have you.

        2. CM*

          It could be part of a pattern where women are being treated differently, and management knows and does nothing about it.

          Anyway, could you ask her to extend it to the men too, or take it upon yourself to forward it to the men?

    2. oranges & lemons*

      Ugh, this always annoyed me about a choir I used to belong to. The women were instructed to bring in homemade baked goods, the men only had to bring lemon slices for the water.

      1. darchildre*

        Oof, yes. In my choir, the sopranos and altos were “requested” to bring homemade cookies to our Christmas concerts, while the tenors and basses brought juice.

        Fortunately, the place where we perform got new carpets a year or so ago, so we can no longer bring food at all.

  51. synchrojo*

    The timing of this is fortuitous, as it’s my office’s fall bakeoff today (I am determined to win this year!). My office is serious about its baking/cooking/brewing competitions. Prizes are miniscule (awards, bragging rights, and maaaaybe a $5 gift certificate) but people proudly display their accumulated awards for years. To my knowledge, nobody’s ever brought in store-bought food, but there is a lot of strategy that goes into people’s baking plans. for example, it used to be that the surest way to win the baking contest was to bake something savory, since everyone would be overloaded with sweets. The organizers finally got wise to that and split the bakeoff into sweet, savory, and gluten free categories.

      2. synchrojo*

        probably! Give my coworkers a couple more contests, I’m sure someone will try that. We do have a standing guideline in office competitions that “Rule mongers are vampires that suck fun. Don’t be one,” so people are generally good-natured in their creative interpretation of additional rules.

  52. Nic*

    I had a coworker at OldJob who was a food hoarder. Fergus would always help bring in food that had been ordered for the office so that he could get first dibs on the best stuff. If breakfast tacos had been ordered and there were enough that we were going to offer to another department, he went through them first and would get eight or so of the “best” and stash them in his desk. And continue to eat them for days. Even though they contained meat and had been in a desk drawer.

    The tacos weren’t the only thing. He did this with any food. All the time. It was an open secret; a department joke. He took food off of other people’s plates, even! If there was food, Fergus was there.

    When management talked to him about it he opined that the others should just get there first if they want it. Management did nothing further. He was laid off when the company was purchased.

    1. Fur Princess*

      As I go through this thread I keep thinking, “Oh yeah, I worked with that person, too!” Supports my long time theory that even though there are ~6 billion people on Earth, there are about five basic personalities the whole world over.
      So tell me, Nic, did this guy also clean out candy dishes and hoard that in his desk too? Or when someone had been out on vacation and brought back from their vacation spot to share with the office, he took a generous portion of that for his infamous desk drawer, too?

  53. Emi.*

    My mother once worked in an office where all the women were asked to bring in a dish for a potluck. One of them inquired why the men couldn’t bring anything, and was told “Oh, no, that wouldn’t be possible–their wives all work.”

    2. Anon 3PO*

      So ridiculous. I worked in a place where only the women were expected to bring dishes for a potluck. Although we didn’t get the comment about the wives, we never got any sort of explanation.

    4. Leatherwings*

      I would be so tempted to respond “my husband works too”

      I don’t have a husband, but I still think it’s an ideal answer.

      1. Alli525*

        Nah, don’t do that – then they’ll assume you’re imminently about to have a baby, or don’t need to be paid as much since you’re not The Breadwinner (because Women Are Not Breadwinners, or something, I guess).

  54. LittleRedRidingHuh..?*

    At my very first job we had a mandatory Christmas lunch at the cafeteria. It was just the regular, sad food but with decoration splattered randomly around the room. Unfortunately the fish they served had gone off and a third of the staff ended up with food poisoning. The CEO made it his mission to demand that the people who got sick “just suck it up” and come to work, so his Christmas experience would’nt get spoiled. HR had to intervene. No more Christmas lunches after that…

    1. AsItIs*

      Was reading a (NZ) news article about a family who ate wild boar that the husband had hunting and killed. He, his wife, and her mother ate it and are semi-comatose. Fortunately the two young children didn’t because it would have been worse for them. Food poisoning is not something to “suck it up”.

  55. ArtK*

    The school my sons went to would have a grade-level potluck every year; we did two a year for a long time. My ex was a teacher there so she would sometimes have one or two *more* to attend. [/background] There was a teacher who went to every one (special subject so covering all grades) and brought Tupperware and filled it up to take home. During the event, not afterwards. This was a K-12 school so as far as I know, she did this 13 times each year.

    1. Artemesia*

      This happens ONCE and the principal makes it clear that there are no leftovers to take home until the event if over.

  56. all aboard the anon train*

    I have SO MANY!

    1. I’ve definitely talked about this before, but a former company used to have monthly cookie days and people would stampede down the halls for the cookies and pile their plates high with cookies. So if you didn’t get there at 2 PM on the dot, you wouldn’t get a cookie because other people took half a dozen for themselves. It got so ridiculous, the cookie day was banned completely.

    2. I had a coworker accuse me of having an eating disorder because I would often have a mid-afternoon snack of cottage cheese on pumpernickel toast or sometimes on a potato pancake. She also continued to try and suggest I had an eating disorder because I ate a lot of cabbage and beets and other Eastern European foods (my family is Polish and I grew up with mostly Polish dishes). Her reasoning was the cottage cheese is what people eat when they want to lose weight quickly and that I would only “eat gross ethnic foods” because it wouldn’t make me feel guilty when I threw it up later. She had a lot of issues with me and other coworkers, but it was such a weird thing to harp on. I’ve never had an eating disorder, and I ate those foods because they’re the foods I grew up with and the foods I love!

    3. A coworker used to hoard leftovers in her cube. We’d have big catered events and she would take the huge pans of leftovers for herself. As soon as people started clearing the room, she’d go in and grab any leftovers and bring them back to her desk. We assumed she was taking them home. At one point, there was a weird smell coming from her area and a bunch of us discovered that she had a bunch of tupperware with leftovers stashed in her cube drawers. The food had turned moldy and rotten. It was so gross. We had to call facilities. My coworker didn’t think anything was wrong and said she kept it in her cube because she was worried people would steal it from the fridge.

    4. I don’t know if this counts as an “office story”, but I worked at McDonalds when I was 14. There were people who thought it was funny to throw burning hot fries or coffee at anyone working the drive-thru window, but I once had a middle aged guy try to attack me because there were 19 nuggets in his chicken nugget box instead of 20. Nevermind the fact that I wasn’t the one who put the order together, that it was rush hour, or that I was a sobbing 14 year old being called the most horrible names by an angry man upset about some fast food chicken. Management called the police, but then berated us for not giving him 20 nuggets. We had one customer who used to order half the menu once a week, would get it all brought out to him on multiple trays, and literally just stick his fingers in each item, lick them clean, and move onto the next food item. He never ate the food in full. He just stuck his fingers in the food. It was so weird, but he was actually pretty decent to most of us, so we just figured it was a weird food kink. I also had a coworker who used to steal the frozen cartons of french fries and nuggets, let them sit to thaw, and then would eat them cold. I worked there around the time McFlurries were big, and so many of my coworkers would hoard the candy toppings and just eat them by the spoonful and some of the guys used to have a content to see who could make the most disgusting combos with the toppings and other food items, and the “winner” would be the one who didn’t have to throw up in the bathroom. There were so many other horrifying food related incidents there, and after I moved on, I vowed to never, ever work with food again. I haven’t eaten at a fast food place since because of some of the horror stories of not only working there, but the customers.

    2. Traveling Teacher*

      #2: What is wrong with people?! Also, as a fellow cottage cheese enthusiast, I’m mystified that she’d think it was only a diet food. Full fat for me!

      1. all aboard the anon train*

        People have a weird reaction to cottage cheese. I’ve found it’s one of those foods people either love or hate. But this coworker tended to think people would only ever eat certain foods if they were on diets, not because they actually enjoyed them.

        1. Alli525*

          My father, a chemist, would make cottage cheese at home and sing “The Circle of Liiiiiiiife” at us until we were too grossed out by the science behind cottage cheese to actually eat it anymore.

          1. Kat from NJ via CA*

            Alli525, your dad is hilarious! (Although imho cottage cheese is gross. But that’s my own personal private opinion, so weird when people forget that food preferences are just that-personal preferences.)

    3. Traveling Teacher*

      #4: Wow, nugget-guy sounds insane. And why would anyone eat raw McDonald’s food?!

      My most WTF McDonald’s story: I was working the fryer, making yet another batch of “no salt” fries for people who wanted “fresh” fries. The no-salt mom pointed at me and said to her 8 year old child, “That’s why you stay in school!” I was 16 and in high school. Words still fail me…

      1. all aboard the anon train*

        I had that happen SO MANY TIMES. Which was ridiculous because about 85% of the employees at my McDonalds were all high school kids in part-time jobs. Not to mention, it’s SO rude for someone to say that within hearing range of the person they’re mocking.

        It got to the point where whenever adults would try to use me as a lesson for their kids, I’d just interrupt them and say I was actually in the top 5% of my class and working to pay for college. That usually shut them up pretty quickly. Working in fast food was one of the worst work experiences I’ve ever had, but it sure did teach me to grow a spine and not take anyone’s BS.

        1. Rusty Shackelford*

          It got to the point where whenever adults would try to use me as a lesson for their kids, I’d just interrupt them and say I was actually in the top 5% of my class and working to pay for college.

          You’re awesome.

      2. Lemon Zinger*

        A grown man told me to “get a real job” when I was 17. I said “Sir, I’m in high school.”

        1. Rebecca in Dallas*

          When I was a retail manager, the worst customer EVER yelled this at my high school employee. I have never been so angry in my life, I still see red when I think about that woman.

      3. depizan*

        People with that attitude should be barred from going to fast food places. Is it really that hard to have a little respect for people providing a service you want, even if that service is as simple as hot french fries? If you don’t think it’s a worthwhile job, you don’t get the product of said job. (Be that job fast food, janitorial work, what have you.)

        1. SignalLost*

          I had a conversation with a Mensa member (he was very proud of that) who was OUTRAGED that housekeeping cleaned his room, how did they not know he had been out till five am with his Mensa friends talking about Mensa things, oh the humanity! Turned out, his room didn’t have a DND sign, and he took no proactive action to keep the housekeepers out. As someone who has worked as a housekeeper before and as a person who is reasonably smart, it was all I could do not to strangle him. No jury would have convicted me.

          1. Lison*

            Oh I have one of these stories, there was a computer glitch and some customers appeared to get charged twice for orders. It got sorted out within 24 hours but a PhD in a university managed to get the phone number of someone in finance and went very abusive on her, telling her he was going to get her fired etc. She went to the Rep for the product line who got back to him saying “here I have on record previously that you don’t want to be contacted about errors by any method we have access to, you have abused our employee and we will not be doing business with you in future unless you apologise in full to our employee who was only obeying your instructions”

        2. Persephoneunderground*

          The better sentiment that could replace this is what my mother told me she decided while waiting tables. She said she became determined that if she was going to work that hard, she wanted to be better paid. Really helped her get through the rough patches in law school. (Notwithstanding that food service should be better paid anyway, but her point is much more respectful of how hard they work.)

      4. Trig*

        Ugghhh I worked at a retail store for a while. One slow day, three of us were hanging out at cash. A cusotmer came in and condescendingly gave us a ‘riddle to solve’ while he shopped, then came up to pay and asked us to give him the answer. He then said something about “one day when we all go back to school.” We kinda looked nonplussed and told him that one of us was working on his PhD, I was working on my Master’s, and the third was finishing her undergrad that year. Obviously, to him, we were just working a dead-end retail job becuase we didn’t have degrees, not to pay for those ridiculously expensive degrees.

        1. Trig*

          Ugh. When YOU all go back to school. He was not including himself in it. (And also, ugh at other typos, but whatever.)

        2. all aboard the anon train*

          I found that assumption so common. I’ve worked in fast food, retail, as an assistant in a public facing role, and there was a surprisingly large percentage of people who assumed anyone working those jobs were either stupid, dropped out of school, or had no ambition.

          During college, I worked as a receptionist and I was studying for the GREs and one man was so shocked by it. I started leaving the study booklet out in the open just so people would stop making those “if you hadn’t dropped out/when you go back to school” comments.

          These experiences are also why I have such a knee jerk reaction to people who use the term “real job”, as if anything that’s not a white collar job isn’t “real”.

      5. DDJ*

        I’m probably super annoying, but I order all my food from McDonald’s “well done.” I get hot, fresh fries, and the chicken nuggets more like what they used to when I was a kid (ah, grey meat chicken nuggets, how I miss you). But it’s because McD’s cut down their cooking time to speed up their service time. It was actually a cashier who told me about the “well done” option.

    4. The Other Katie*

      Oh, man, those people. When I worked at McDonalds we had a woman in a car throw her large coke back in the window late one night (after lobby was closed) because it wasn’t diet coke. Joke was on her – the cashier hadn’t passed out the other four sodas in the carrier, one of which was her diet coke. She threw all four out onto the woman, slammed and locked the door, and walked away. I don’t want to say she got what she deserved, but she totally did.

      1. Oscar Madisoy*

        I don’t think this is technically relevant but I’ve been itching for an opportunity to share this anecdote. Since you shared an experience relating to someone complaining about not getting the soda she wanted, I decided to share it here.

        I was at a Burger King waiting for my order. Another customer placed her order, which included a Sprite. For some reason the register indicated Coca-Cola; maybe that’s what the counterperson rang up. The customer got very incensed and kept saying she wanted a Sprite. She kept getting angrier and angrier, until she just walked out if the place.

        The joke was on the customer, because she was apparently unaware that this was a Burger King where the customer gets their own drink – so it didn’t matter what showed up on the register.

    5. Bryce*

      In sympathy with #2, about once a year or so when I’m getting groceries with a lot of tortillas beans and salsa and such the cashier will happily say “oh, are you having a Mexican night?”

      I just put on my best New Mexico drawl and say “sir/ma’am, where I’m from we call this breakfast.” “Normal” food is relative.

  57. Just a thought*

    Right now there’s a whole frozen duck in the office freezer. Feathers and all! It’s been there for months.
    People have threatened to send all-office emails asking for it to be removed, but so far that hasn’t happened.

    5. Still Lurking*

      I guess this means you don’t work at KACL. Frasier would have made his delicious and acclaimed duck a l’orange!

    7. Amber Rose*

      I know someone who said her husband’s company gave out frozen turkies at their christmas party one year. Just, “Merry Christmas! Here’s a 20 pound bird.”

      1. Julia*

        My dad’s fishing club does that. When you fish the most fish, you receive a duck. It’s so weird, but my mom never buys ducks for Christmas anymore.

    9. Papyrus*

      There was an octopus tentacle in the communal fridge once. I really don’t know what it was for, but since this was around Halloween, I’m guessing it was decorative or something. This is a fridge that had a clear window on it too, so it was just kind of weird to see a raw, shrink wrapped tentacle just hanging out next to all the lunchboxes and stuff.

      1. Chaordic One*

        We had several rubber mice where I used to work that would make appearances at various locations. They had separate shiny hard plastic eyes and it was disconcerting to open a cabinet door looking for paper or something and see a pair of shiny eyes looking back at you (even if they were plastic).

        The rubber mice made their appearance in the fridge and the freezer several times.

        1. nonegiven*

          My husband remembers walking into his grandmother’s kitchen. She had a half pig’s head that had been sawed down the middle by the butcher because they had split a pig with another family and she was working on making head cheese.

  58. Anon 3PO*

    One place I worked did a potluck every year for their holiday party, however, only the women were required to bring something. The men didn’t need to bring anything (some did but most didn’t). It was all very odd.

    1. Artemesia*

      Just. NO. Wow. Even back in the day, the men at least brought chips, drinks etc routinely to every one I attended. When I contributed I got in the habit of buying a bucket of fried chicken since the staff tended to bring salads and desserts and we were always short on the main dishes — so management level got in the habit of bringing a ham, or like me a bucket of chicken or like a couple of our chef wannabe guys, some main dish they cooked.

  59. Irene Adler*

    Worked at a company that had two shifts (day and swing). Whenever management wanted to treat the employees to pizza lunch, they ordered all the pizzas to arrive at 11 am for the day crew to partake. So the day crew got hot, fresh pizzas to enjoy-with a variety of toppings. However, we on swing shift got leftover, cold pizzas for our meal break (about 6 pm). And the topping choices were always vegetarian and a cheese with olives-which no one liked. All the good choices were gone.

    Swing shift complained. We were told that we could come at 11 am if we wanted hot pizza and a full selection of toppings. Otherwise, we could make do and microwave the slices if we wanted it hot. No one ever suggested that the 11 am order be cut back so swing shift could order pizzas for 6 pm delivery.

    So on my last day there, I ordered pizza for swing shift (which I paid for myself). From the best pizza place in San Diego (Filippi’s). They don’t deliver, but they did for me when I told them I needed 10 pizzas and what we were celebrating.

    4. Normally A Lurker*

      I used to work at a restaurant. On the three busiest days of the year (Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Valentines), the 7 best waiters (me included) used to work doubles, so we worked from 9a to 11p straight through. (Yes, I know, illegal. But also, 3 days a year and you knew what you were getting into, and they never forced any of us – they asked if we wanted the double.)

      Anyway, the manager would always order pizza for the people who worked doubles to eat around 3.30-4. Which, as luck would have it, is literally the time the 2nd shift started.

      I can’t tell you how many times I walked into empty pizza boxes bc I was on the floor and the people who had JUST gotten to work were finishing up their 3rd slice.

      Eventually, management started locking it in the office, and giving the ppl with doubles the key to the office to go take a 15 min break and eat. Whatever was left after all of us had eaten became communal.

        1. Normally A Lurker*

          Working 14 hours without an actual break is, however. Which is what happened on those three days.

        2. my two cents*

          can be, if they’re not getting their legally mandated breaks…which the post strongly implies, as the pizza was all gone before they could even catch a moment to sit down.

  60. Legal Beagle*

    As a young lawyer, I worked at a very large firm and every month we had “cake day,” at which the firm provided cakes for all those who were celebrating their birthdays that month. The celebrators were asked what sorts of cake they wanted and it was provided. Often, those of us who liked to bake would make a cake (or sometimes a pie) for a coworker. And we’d sing a group happy birthday to the celebrators. I loved this event because it didn’t matter if you were a partner or the mail clerk: you got celebrated AND you got the cake you wanted. The firm has since merged with a national law firm, but many of the same people are still there. I hope they still have cake day.

  61. BakeBakeBake*

    I am a hobby baker, so I am always bringing goodies into my various office. A few jobs ago, I brought cupcakes in for the first time. It was a job with two shifts, and I worked the early one, so by noon, the cupcakes were all eaten by my fellow first-shifters. Someone who came in at 1 p.m. for the second shift literally cornered me in a hallway and very menacingly said, “The next time you bring in muffins, make sure you bring enough for everyone.”

    First of all, between first and second shift, 60 people worked in that office. I wasn’t baking 60 cupcakes every time I baked.
    Secondly, they were cupcakes, not muffins.
    Thirdly, no. I continued baking however many cupcakes I felt like making and bringing them in for the first-shifters.

    1. Kat from NJ via CA*

      Yeah that was rude and odd of them. It’s not kindergarten, you don’t have to bring in enough for everyone, especially since it’s not a company-sponsored thing, just you being super awesome.

  62. Smudge*

    Best potluck idea I’ve ever seen was at a European institution where I worked briefly. Every year for their Christmas party they’d get volunteers from each of the 28 countries to set up a stand in the big atrium we used for events and compete with each other to have the best potluck, each one serving typical food and drinks from their country. It was incredible. Reindeer from Finland, tables groaning with mousakka from Greece, more French and Italian wine than you could ever drink, homemade Danish gingerbread schnapps, smoked herring from the Netherlands, hundreds of kinds of pastries… It’s a wonder no one ever got sick from all the bizarre flavour combinations but it was honestly incredible – they used to have bands from a few different countries too. The last one of the night was Bulgarian folk dancing and they got all the staff to join in. Good times!

    2. Adlib*

      That sounds amazing! I’m sure the excitement around the event every year was palpable. I’d be counting down days!

  63. NW Mossy*

    One of my employees is out on vacation for a couple of weeks, and it’s my team’s tradition to decorate the individual’s cube if they’ve been out for a while. She mentioned in passing before she left that she was craving Dots, the gumdrop candy. Her teammates have taken this to a bit of an extreme by decking out her cube with boxes of Dots, a tank top with the Dots logo, knee-high Dots-emblazoned socks, balloons in Dots colors, and color print-outs of Dots stuck up on basically every flat surface. She’s going to be quite tickled by it, I think.

      1. Jennifer Thneed*

        Yes! See also: covering every surface with bubble wrap. (I had a co-worker who still had the bubble wrap on something years later – maybe a stapler? Can’t remember.)

  64. Kiki*

    Just a silly one. We once ordered a catered sandwich lunch from a deli down the street for an all-day all-hands meeting. There were a handful of vegetarians in the group who had chosen portobello mushroom sandwiches. When the sandwiches arrived, all the ones marked with a V were ham sandwiches. We called the deli, thinking they had brought us the wrong sandwiches. Turns out the deli had run out of mushrooms and had substituted the ham sandwiches because they thought ham was vegetarian!

      1. GumptionIndeed*

        People also think that eggs (from a chicken) are dairy (from a cow). It’s downright funny and scary what people believe.

        1. Natalie*

          See, that one makes sense to me because they go together in American foodways. They’re animal foods that don’t kill the animal, they’re ones that (most) vegetarians will eat, they’re in the same section of the grocery store.

          1. LizB*

            I’ve also heard that back in the day when people got their milk delivered, the same delivery person often brought them their eggs as well. Because of that, the culture kind of absorbed the idea of eggs being in the “dairy” category for a while.

            1. TootsNYC*

              well, they generally get treated the same way in delivery (kept cold, straight from the farmer in the olden days, etc.)

        3. Eggs Are Not Dairy*

          My partner and I go round and round about this.

          Him: The doctor said I can’t have dairy, but I’d really like a side of coleslaw.
          Me: You can.
          Him: There’s eggs in mayo.
          Me: You can eat eggs.
          Him: But they are dairy.
          Me: They come from a chicken.
          Him: Oh yea. *orders slaw*

          We have had this exchange no less than 15 times in the past 3 months.

          1. Rusty Shackelford*

            I had a coworker who said she made cole slaw dressing from Cool Whip because her husband couldn’t have dairy. I thought this was interesting and told my mother, who pointed out that mayo-based cole slaw dressing didn’t have dairy anyway. Until she said that, it didn’t occur to me that my coworker’s “hack” made no sense at all.

          2. No Green No Haze*

            A Catholic co-worker of mine spent some real time trying to convince me that chicken eggs were dairy because they were unfertilized, so that’s why they are OK to eat on Fridays during Lent.

            1. Chriama*

              I mean, them being unfertilized seems like a good enough reason to me. Not sure why the dairy thing is included. Don’t Catholics eat fish too? On the spectrum of meat to not-meat, eggs are closer to not-meat than fish is.

              1. No Green No Haze*

                Yeah, I had more of a problem with his insisting that something not milk-derived was “dairy” than with any religious rationale behind its being OK to eat. I wasn’t going to go down the road of defining what constitutes “flesh” but I refuse to go along with calling something “dairy” that isn’t mammalian.

                Fish yes. Thus all the fish fry events in US Catholic communities.

        4. Teapot Librarian*

          I had someone ask me if orange juice is dairy (because it often is by the milk in the supermarket, I suppose?)

    3. synchrojo*

      oh my god, that’s both hilarious and infuriating. I had a related experience with an office potluck where the office provided the main entree- ham. The organizer was so proud of themselves: “It’s perfect! Who doesn’t love ham????” I pointed out that that actually it’s probably the meat with the largest group of non-eaters (vegetarians, Muslims, Jews…) I got put in charge of the potluck the next year, and made sure our entrees came from a mediterranean restaurant that had falafel as well as meat.

      1. JustaTech*

        A senior person at my company suggested (hopefully in passing) that we all get a ham for Christmas.
        Uh, you do realize that a *lot* of people don’t eat ham (or any meat) for religious reasons? Like, come on!

    4. Observer*

      That is bizarre. Especially from a deli, for heaven’s sake. I would NEVER buy from them again, for anything. As others said, what else don’t they know?!

    5. Teapot Librarian*

      I had someone tell me that pork was vegetarian. I, with my east coast elitism, assumed it was just her small town midwest bumpkin lack of knowledge, but now I wonder how more than one person could have this belief.

      1. Emac*

        I know someone who ordered a vegetable stir fry in the midwest, and told the waiter that she was a vegetarian when she ordered. It came with chicken in it. Because according to the restaurant, chicken wasn’t meat.

        1. msroboto*

          A couple weeks ago I ordered a vegetarian pita – it was supposed to just be peppers, mushrooms, onions, and cheese. It was loaded with chicken. I called the place they tried to say a few pieces must have gotten mixed in umm NO this was a chicken plus veg sandwich. I am not a vegetarian but I was sort of just wanting a vegetarian sandwich.

      2. nonegiven*

        There are people that think being vegetarian means you don’t eat RED meat, so mostly beef. That leaves all fowl, pork: the other white meat, and seafood.

        I don’t know how prevalent that belief is, but I’ve been to a lot of meals that have meat in most of the vegetable dishes for flavor. The boxed cheesy potatoes might have diced ham, the green beans have bacon, the rice is cooked in chicken broth, the broccoli casserole contains chunks of chicken…

    6. AvonLady Barksdale*

      When I first met my now-partner, we were traveling in Mexico. He would order dishes “sin carne” and they would come with ham, because in many parts of the world, “meat” refers to beef products. When we went back the following year and were a couple, I reminded him to flat-out tell people he was a vegetarian so it wouldn’t happen again. That worked much better. We even had a waiter ask him if the cream in the soup was ok.

      Never heard of a deli in the US (?) making that distinction, though!

      1. Talia*

        When I was traveling in Korea with a vegetarian, she printed out a little sign with the Korean word for “vegetarian” on it to show the waiters.

        1. Julia*

          Did that work? In Japan, many people don’t seem to know that “vegetarian” means. A few nice restaurants that serve veggie food have popped up recently, but I still get gems like:

          Me: “Does this have meat?”
          Waiter: “No, it has sausage.” (Maybe their sausage was so questionable it only contained other substances?)

          Old lady I know: “Can you eat rice?”
          Me: “Just rice with nothing in it? Sure?”
          Lady: “Can you eat salad?”
          To be fair, Japanese salads usually have bacon or shrimp in them, which is super annoying. In some restaurants, there is literally not one food item I can eat. I moved here knowing this and am fine in Tokyo because I know where to eat or cook at home, but I took a trip with my brother a while ago and we were both annoyed at some point because wherever he wanted to eat, I couldn’t.

      2. Marillenbaum*

        It makes me think of My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Aunt Voula says “What do you mean, ‘he don’t eat no meat’?!…It’s okay, I’ll make lamb.”

  65. Alton*

    In one of my old jobs, we had shared workstations that were used by different people across different shifts. One time, I found a half-eaten McDonald’s burger in a drawer that had been left there for days, probably. I was not impressed.

    When I was in retail, one time a box of cereal got smashed way up on a high shelf in the back room. I guess it fell off a pallet. Cereal kept slowly raining down onto the other shelves and the floor. I wasn’t authorized to use the fancy electric pallet jacks that were needed to move things around and there was no way I could get up there, so all I could do was point it out to management and the people who worked in the backroom. It took months for someone to finally clean up that box of cereal. And in all that time, the box still wasn’t empty and was slowly raining cereal all over everything. When someone finally did something, it only took five minutes.

  66. Nic*

    Oh! There was a lady as well, Agnes. She would often regale us with stories of how she prepared meals for her dog, and fed it bite by bite with a fork…..but that’s not what I came to tell you about.

    I came to talk about the meat. One department had a cookout, and put aside enough cooked hamburger patties for the next shift to all eat, in the fridge and labeled. After most had gone for the day (Agnes always stayed late) she took all of it (enough for 40 people!) home. Left the buns. O_o

    They caught her on camera. Nothing was done. Same OldJob as Fergus.

  68. Rae*

    The only office food story I have is the person that orders food, a devout catholic, always forgets that she doesn’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent and forgets to order vegetarian options. She does always remember to get kosher for another employee though, and remembers everyone else’s restrictions. She just forgets hers!

    3. Alli525*

      It’s REALLY hard to remember!! That said, Catholics are technically supposed to do SOME sort of penance on every Friday of the year (it only HAS to be meat during Lent), so I just opted to stop eating meat on Fridays year-round. Much easier to remember that way.

  69. Jim*

    A very sweet older lady I work with has a number of pets. Two dogs, three cats. She will bake things all the time and then send out an e-mail to the group saying “Blueberry muffins in the break room! Made by me and my zoo!” – she always is mentioning that her pets “helped” her bake. New people will always be like “Oh wow! Muffins!” and help themselves and inevitably animal fur is found inside the treats. Or hair.

    It’s a sweet gesture but I wish she’d stop. I sometimes feel bad that no one has taken anything and so I’ll grab a muffin and then throw it away at home so she thinks people are eating it. I have issues.

    1. Excel Slayer*

      …I bake and have baked with several pets about, and I’ve never managed to get fur in a cake before.

      1. Jim*

        Yeah, she’s not the most detail-oriented person in the office. And I really do think she lets them up on the counters when they “help”

      2. LizB*

        My cat loves to hang out in the kitchen cabinets whenever she can sneak into them. It only took one brownie with an unfortunate cat hair for me to learn that I need to re-wash my “clean” pans and mixing bowls before I use them…

    2. Caro in the UK*

      Oh no, I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit :(

      It’s very kind of you to humour her well-meaning efforts!

    3. No Green No Haze*

      I’ve got a gingerbread recipe I really like, seasonally. Moist, cakey, full of fresh as well as ground ginger. (Molasses, buttermilk, etc.)

      The first time I tried making it, I grated the fresh ginger really finely. Tasty, but a bad move. Ginger root is fibrous, it looks like little hairs. I commented that next time I’d mince it really finely instead. One of my co-workers, whose mama apparently raised him right despite his opinion on eggs as dairy, said “Oh! I thought it was cat hair!” He had politely eaten a whole piece of what he thought was a pet-hair-tainted cake. I was pretty impressed.

  71. bee girl*

    I’m a hobbyist beekeeper and I gave a jar of honey from my hives to my coworkers and my boss for the holidays. I didn’t have a lot to spare so that small mason jar meant a lot.

    She.Left.It.On.Her.Desk!! After all of us pointing it out; she made off handed jokes….. Still not eating it, just on her desk, actually behind all the computer cords, facing us when you would go in the office; gathering dust.

    She could had just brought it home and pretended to like it!

    I got so pissed off; I took the jar home after 10 months. She hasn’t even noticed. Which is pissing me off more.

    1. Kiki*

      I’m someone who hates honey but I would still be gracious in that situation and would take the honey home. I know there are people in my life who would enjoy it.

      One of my coworkers raises chickens and sometimes he brings in cartons of eggs for us when he has extra. I don’t eat eggs, but thankfully my husband loves them so it works out.

        1. Agnes*

          Or go the slightly awkward but honest route, and say, “It’s so nice of you to think of me! But I don’t eat honey. You should give it to someone who can really appreciate it.”

      2. Birdie*

        Ugh, inconsiderate! One time during work secret Santa, we all had to respond to a questionnaire about things we liked as a way to help the person who drew your name. So I looked over the list of my person who said they enjoyed wine, chocolates, and trying new recipes. I decorated a recipe card with all the instructions to make something called red wine hot chocolate, went and got the right kind of wine for the recipe, along with expensive fancy chocolate to melt as per recipe instructions, a fun container of sprinkles and a mug. My person opened the gift, read the recipe card and went “wow, wine and chocolate, thats great but honestly I wont be bothering to make this recipe” and then threw the recipe card out with the wrapping paper. We didn’t attach our names to secret santa gifts so I guess she didn’t knwo I gave it to her but SOMEONE in the room was the gift giver and she knew that. I just remember sitting there in shock, like just say thank you and take the stuff home???!

        1. Marillenbaum*

          When I was in high school, I was on the cheer squad and we had this awful tradition where we did secret gifts for the football team during homecoming week. My person complained that his gift wasn’t well-decorated, and since he was in band with my sister, she told me. He got nothing else for the rest of the week, and at the pep rally before the game (when you traditionally revealed who it was), I showed up with a paper bag that had a single Starburst in it and said “I think this is yours” and walked away. I refused to participate the next year.

    2. Shiara*

      That’s so absurd! She definitely did not deserve your honey.

      Admittedly, my team has a half full bear of honey from one of our coworker’s hives that we’ve been slowly working our way through a spoonful at a time for months, but that’s because it’s just too amazingly good to waste using it in tea where you won’t taste all the flavour, so we save it for special occasions and all have a spoonful.

      … maybe we’re the weird ones.

    3. Caro in the UK*

      I LOVE honey and would have been very touched to recieve a precious sample from your hive! You boss is such a doofus.

    4. CM*

      I also once gave a coworker a homemade food gift that sat on their desk untouched for months. Like, OK, you don’t have to eat it, it’s just a gesture, but why leave it right there on your desk?

    5. Newbie*

      How rude. I’m annoyed on your behalf! I would’ve snapped up that honey.

      A few years ago, I attended a wedding where one of the gifts they gave to the guests was locally made honey in small jars. So cute. They told a story during the reception that they actually went to the site and transported the wee jars home themselves, and there were some tipping issues in the flatbed of the truck – which is why a few of jars had dented lids. Oops. I took the honey that others didn’t want at my table. I couldn’t bear to leave it there – especially after the story they told. The honey? Awesome.

    6. Emi.*

      Every time I go over to my in-laws’ I peek in their pantry to see if the family-recipe relish I gave them is still there. It is.

      1. Artemesia*

        My MIL at least dumped out the home made kahlua we gave during our impoverished years but when I saw the fancy bottle on the window sill, I knew.

    7. miyeritari*

      this one miffs me the most because i LOVE fancy raw honey. if you brought some for me it would have gone STRAIGHT home into my tea.

  72. Boo*

    We did Bake Off competition at work once (incredibly ill judged as we were in the middle of redundancies and my boss was the hatchet woman brought in to make all the cuts) and my boss spent a morning going round depts looking at cakes. It turned out afterwards that some people cheated and bought theirs and grudges were held. There weren’t prizes or anything. Massive waste of time and a kick rather than boost to morale as everyone gossiped about the cheaters.

  73. Canadian J*

    One of my first jobs was office receptionist at a private tech company, and one of my duties was taking care of snacks: I was given $100 each week to go out and buy as much healthy food as I could get, and stock a table in the break room twice a day. I loved the initiative, and had fun going to the local CostCo and getting different fruits, vegetables, dips, and snacks (every once in a while, I would splurge and get cookies, popcorn, and chocolates).

    When the initiative first started, some people would go into a “stockpile” frame of mind, and decided to squirrel food away at their desk. I would be walking by, and see piles of fruit and snack cups. I didn’t say anything (in case people really needed it), and it tapered off after a while.

    Sometimes, I would have employees stop by my desk (or make conversation near my desk), and make casual passive remarks about the variety: we need more sugar, why aren’t there any kiwis, we’ve had applesauce 3 weeks in a row, I think clementines are in season, have you heard of these new health bars, etc…. My instructions were pretty clear, so I used to tell people to take it up with my boss (which they rarely did).

    Also, staff began to get really antsy if I didn’t re-stock the table at exactly 2:00 pm every day – sometimes I had an urgent request to work on, or a phone call, or a meeting, and wouldn’t get to it until a bit later. I had people walk by my desk and kind of side-eye me and the clock.

    I used to make large bowls of popcorn a few times a month, and everyone was happy with this – except for one person. He would storm up to my desk and demand to know why I thought popcorn was a good idea. Since my boss had ok’d the choice, I told him it was allowed because it was a popular snack. I tried to make it on days when he was out of the office, but I would still get emails in all caps saying that the smell was wafting throughout the building and distracting everyone (it wasn’t, I tested this myself and talked to everyone in his area).

    1. lionelrichiesclayhead*

      Our admin stopped doing a snack cabinet for similar reasons. He would stock it once a week but by the end of the first day everything was gone. It was locked too, with only our group knowing where the key was hidden so we knew it wasn’t after-hours staff. He also started to get bombarded with very specific requests and people asking for him to stock legitimate lunch items. The cabinet was only meant to be for random snacks, not so people didn’t have to ever bring in their own food. When we moved floors our Director thought it was the perfect time to put an end to the snack cabinet since people obviously can’t handle having nice things.

      1. Canadian J*

        I did have some issues at first with people going into the “snack fridge” and opening things or just outright taking stuff, but my Director was really adamant that it continue. I had a rough schedule for the food, and if I ran out of snacks to put out by Wednesday, I would honestly tell people that it was because food was disappearing faster than expected, and I was on a budget. It mostly stopped after a few months, after people got used to the idea.

        I think it would have helped if he had sent out an email to the office saying that healthy snack options would be provided from now on, food is based on availability and budget, and that the office receptionist was in charge of distribution.

        1. lionelrichiesclayhead*

          Agreed. Sometimes you need to level-set with everyone. You’ll still have those obnoxious people making comments because nothing can stop them, but it helps with the majority of the population.

  74. Kathryn T.*

    My husband is a fine man with many sterling qualities, but an ability to cook is not among them. I am a loving and supportive wife, but I draw the line at preparing food for him to take in to his office potluck. And that is how we ended up in the kitchen at 7:15 AM with him asking me what he should bring to the office Halloween party.

    I told him to go to Whole Foods and get an enormous container of their broccoli crunch salad. He said “you want me to bring *broccoli salad* to a Halloween party?” and I told him “it has bacon and cashews in it, it’s delicious, and it’s technically a vegetable. Trust me.” He grumbled and did it, but got a 24-pack of cupcakes as a backup.

    Reader, he came home with 23 cupcakes and a half-gallon sized salad container with a single broccoli floret remaining in it. He said “They were like LOCUSTS!! How did you know?!” Well, because I’ve been to a lot of tech office potlucks that are just chips and cupcakes, is how I know. If you bring something that tastes great and plausibly resembles actual food, it will disappear with the proverbial sucking sound.

    1. Kiki*

      So true! I love cookies and chips as much as the next person, but I hate when potluck offerings are 50% dessert and 50% munchies. I do want some real food, too!

    2. oldbiddy*

      My husband does a particular type of social dance, and much of the local cohort seemingly exists on water and freeloading – multiple bars have stopped hosting them since they all come and dance and not order any drinks or food. One time they had a potluck and my husband asked me to make something that was filling and vegetarian because they were as bad with potlucks as they were at supporting the bars that hosted them. I thought he was exaggerating but I made a big bowl of quinoa/cucumber/tomato/feta salad. When I got here, there was no plastic utensils or paper plates (they just assumed people would know to bring their own) and most people had brought things like a single 6 oz block of cheese or a 8 ounce container of fruit salad. Needless to say, the gallon of quinoa salad disappeared pretty quickly. That was the only time when I’ve ever been to a potluck where there wasn’t enough food.

      1. Snark*

        I’m trying to get into the headspace of someone who thinks a sad, tiny block of colby jack is an acceptable thing to bring to a potluck, and I just…..can’t.

    3. Snark*

      I make a knockoff of that salad, and grill the broccoli. People go insane for it. And yes, everybody’s lazy and brings cupcakes and chips, and it drives me bananas.

      1. Rusty Shackelford*

        I have a similar recipe that uses sunflower seeds for the salt/crunch and yes, it gets scarfed down at potlucks.

    4. Artemesia*

      years ago I was time pressed and whining about the potluck and my husband suggested I buy something. It had never crossed my mind that you could do that (my mother was a classic martyr around all things food prep). So I went to Kroger deli and had them fill one of my soufflet dishes with German potato salad and then heated it in the microwave at the office. Everyone raved about it and the director of the institute I was working in kept badgering me for the recipe. I finally just told him where to get it, but it felt awkward.

  75. pumpkin spice.*

    I used to work with an awful guy who used to dig his hand into bowls of catered food at our work lunches. Like pasta salad. it’s one thing to grab a few chips with your hand, but he’d put his dirty ass hand into a BOWL OF MACARONI. he was a total pig and if there was an email that said “leftovers from whatever meeting in the kitchen now!” people would run to make sure they got there before old filthy hands got there because once he was spotted in the kitchen, all food was officially considered contaminated.

    One time I was carrying a stack of boxes that I had a huge bowl of fruit salad perched on top, and was struggling with a door. He ran to get in front of me and I thought he was going to open the door, but he stuffed his hand down into the bowl of fruit salad and grabbed himself a handful of dripping, juicy watermelon and pineapple and cantelope and walked away from me just munching on it. I almost puked. I seriously hated that guy, it’s been years and I still hate him.

    2. Bow Ties Are Cool*

      …why did no one ever face this jerk and just say, “Hey, no hands in the communal food, BeelzeBob.”?

      1. pumpkin spice.*

        Oh, people said it. He’d laugh it off like, “you stupid Americans and your hang ups about germs.” He was weirdly popular with a certain group of people in our office – he was an aging pseudo-intelligent hipster who purposely didn’t remember people’s names so he could act like he was better than them. I worked with him for 9 years and every time we interacted he’d be like “Nice to meet you, I’m [Old Filthy Hands].” I’d be like “Yeah, I know, we’ve worked together for 9 years you son of a bitch.” The guy was awful – if anyone from my old company were to read this and figure out who I was talking about, they wouldn’t be able to identify ME because a hundred people hated him as much as I did, haha!

      1. Fur Princess*

        I would’ve asked for his parents’ phone number so I could call and berate them for raising such a slob. But then again, maybe wolves don’t have phone numbers.

    4. a girl has no name*

      A coworker of mine would put his hand in the ice maker and get ice for his water cup. I mentioned it to our admin who was equally disgusted and added a note about using a utensil, not your hands…and he got mad! Mad that he was told he couldn’t put his dirty gross hands in the communal ice. The guy freaks me out and this made it even worse. Get your hands out of communal food!

    5. i2c2*

      Wow. The audacity of reaching into your fruit-salad-upon-boxes is really something. I am literally tearing up from horror/laughter.

    7. Rebecca in Dallas*

      That is so gross but I can’t stop laughing at the mental image of him just grabbing a handful of fruit salad and walking away!

    8. my two cents*

      We had a guy like that at OldJob… Sticky Steve, who had the perpetual jam-hands of a 3yr old. Left literal sticky fingerprints all over any customers’ systems he was working on. His cube was always a total mess with paper plates and leftover tupperware containers. We’d scramble to be ahead of him in line for communal lunches, as he routinely would spread condiments with his fingertips and then reach that same recently-licked finger into the potato chip bag…even sometimes going so far as to feed himself while he shuffled through the rest of the line.

  76. PizzaPaul*

    My office decided to celebrate something, I can’t remember and it is not important, by ordering pizzas from a local build-your-own pizza place–think Chipotle, but with pizza. I decided to go all out with their spicy tomato sauce, but neglected to specify what kind of cheese I wanted. Well, I open my pizza box to see my mushroom, banana pepper, and sausage pizza with spicy tomato sauce, sans cheese. (I still maintain to this day that the assumption with pizza is that if you don’t specify the cheese it should be mozzarella). I proceeded to stand angrily at the copy machine and consume my cheese-less pizza (so, a flat bread). According to my co-workers I also turned the color of the sauce. When I left two years later the office gave me a bag of mozzarella cheese!

    2. ThatGirl*

      While I would probably assume mozzarella was the default, I know a lot of those places offer cheeseless pizzas specifically for vegans or the dairy-allergic, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      1. Jennifer Thneed*

        Or people who like actual-Italian-style pizza… I always figured the cheese was partly to glue all the toppings together. And I *always* find cheddar a very odd choice. (Shades of jr high school cafeteria pizza. Also the spaghetti.)

  77. rosiebyanyothername*

    One time the boss decided to throw us a pizza party and put me in charge of ordering. He picked the pizza place nearest to the office, which happens to be kosher. I was responsible for taking orders and announcing, no, there’s no pepperoni or sausage, it’s a kosher pizzeria, and fielding a few “wait, are you…. Jewish?” questions when I explained kosher dietary law. It was profoundly weird. And the pizza was pretty bad.

    1. Emilia Bedelia*

      I used to work at a pizza place owned by an observant Muslim, so we didn’t serve pork pepperoni, sausage, or ham. We DID serve turkey pepperoni, turkey sausage, and turkey ham…. but it was not labeled or advertised as such. This caused a lot of distress for customers who thought that the ham or pepperoni didn’t taste quite right and asked about it, and were told, yep, it’s turkey.

      Amazingly, this was not even the worst part about working there.

  78. Free from toxic wasteland*

    I used to work in an office that touted the whole “family” thing (big red flag!) and we had potlucks multiple times a year. We ended up having massive amounts of food going missing
    1. One year the turkey and ham for our thanksgiving potluck was late and just went into the fridge for people to eat leftovers of the next few days. The day after the potluck we all went into the breakroom to start making our delicious leftover thanksgiving plates and someone had taken THE ENTIRE TURKEY AND THE ENTIRE HAM. We all were ready to grab pitchforks I think.
    2. A few months after the above Thanksgiving incident, we had a grill out and had ~25 hamburgers or hot dogs left over. Same thing- next day someone had taken the entire bag of meat!

    I should also mention that our fridges had locks on them, so this was definitely someone within my office.

  79. crookedfinger*

    There used to be a guy here who would put yellow mustard on bread and then microwave it. Every single day. Not for a sandwich or anything, he’d just eat bread & mustard. I know that doesn’t sound extreme to a lot of people, but mustard is surprisingly stinky when microwaved. Kind of a tangy fart smell that takes quite a while to dissipate. Every day at 10 am.

    3. Natalie*

      Ugh, yellow mustard is so gross, too. It’s basically just vinegar and food coloring as far as I can tell.

      1. MoodyMoody*

        Actually, the coloring agent in yellow mustard is turmeric. Surprisingly, cheap yellow mustard is more nutritious than the fancy brown mustards.

        1. Talia*

          …and I can’t have turmeric, and often “I don’t like X” is a body’s way of going “This is making you sick!” Hmm. I think you’ve just explained why I dislike yellow mustard so much. (I started disliking it well before I figured out the turmeric, so I never looked at the ingredients.)

  80. oldbiddy*

    At my previous employer, we had a cafeteria. One year, the 4th of July was on a Thursday and we didn’t have the Friday off. Nonetheless, a lot of people were off work. Lunch that day was BBQ. My chicken tasted gross so I stopped eating after one bite. Over the weekend, almost everyone who at the lunch on Friday got food poisoning (probably norovirus). Turns out the head cook was doing some catering on the side and using the food intended for the cafeteria. He cooked the food that wasn’t used at his 4th of July gig for us that Friday.
    Making matters worse, there was a fridge with luncheon meats, cheese, etc for people who were working late or who didn’t like what was on the lucnh menu. Those got contaminated too so some of the people who weren’t there on Friday ate sandwiches on Monday and there was a second wave of food poisoning.

  81. Boredatwork*

    We do individual birthday cakes in my office. This is primarily done because I love to bake and want an excuse to make pinterest level layer cakes. Each participant is given the opportunity to opt out, or request any dietary restriction they want. I’ve made several vegan cakes, dairy free, nut free ect. cakes.

      1. Boredatwork*

        I’ve gotten to make a lot of fun and interesting flavors. Everyone I work with has been super nice and appreciative. There’s only 15 of us, and the birthday’s are pretty evenly spread out through the year.

  82. Lise*

    I have, two, TWO office food horror stories.

    1) At my current job, we decided to have a chili cookoff one year. It went great, delicious chili was eat, winners were duly rewarded, etc. Except… when someone was cleaning up, they left the sink on in the kitchen. The sink must have been clogged, too, because it overflowed.

    On a Friday.

    On the third floor.

    After a weekend of running water flowing through our building, the ceiling of the gym on the first floor collapsed. We had to have water damage mitigation professionals come in; there were fans running everywhere to dry things out for weeks. It was many years before we were allowed to have another chili cookoff.

    2) The second story involves a previous job, an office potluck, and a Yankee Swap. One of the senior VPs (!) showed up without a gift, but wanted to participate. Apparently one of the other senior VPs (!) gave him an extra bottle of cocktail sauce that she’d brought for her shrimp cocktail dish, suggesting he use that as his Yankee Swap gift. Keep in mind that other gifts in the swap were like, oh, restaurant gift cards, bottles of wine, or (what I put in) homebrew beers and a nice set of pilsner glasses.

    … yeah, you guessed it. I ended up with the cocktail sauce.

    (The upside was the number of sympathy gifts I got for that horrid, horrid happening. And that eventually I got out of that deeply dysfunctional company, too).

      1. einahpets*

        In our old condo our elderly upstairs neighbor did this 3 times. He’d turn the sink on to wash something and then… forget? Having those fans on for days was the worst each time.

      2. fposte*

        Maybe the water was turned down but not off? I know a lot of sinks where you have to get a sweet spot to get the water to be completely off.

      3. sometimeswhy*

        You get super used to motion activated sinks. I walked away from a running sink at the gym a couple weeks ago. I only made it like three steps before I turned back, I think, because I was waiting for the familiar “thunk” of it switching of and it never came.

        I’ve also had people tell me they were mortified to realize that they’d left a trail of unflushed toilets behind them since getting used to the automatic ones.

    3. Artemesia*

      You know that jerk COULD have put a $20 in an envelop (or a $50 if that was the price range) And whomever received it would have been thrilled.

  83. MilkMoon (UK)*

    This isn’t that bad but let me tell you, when a coworker microwaves broccoli it is even worse than fish.

    2. crookedfinger*

      Broccoli & cauliflower always smell like farts when reheated! It’s really disconcerting to be simultaneously disgusted and hungry when someone heats up broccoli-cheddar soup in the microwave…

      1. I was a Jimless Pam*

        I had a coworker once who would microwave straight-up canned peas for lunch. You don’t know disgusting until you smell that metallic pong… and then she’d eat them, with nothing else. It was funny because she was one of those people who insisted everyone else was the weird one…

  84. Llama Wrangler*

    I worked in a workplace that was toxic in many ways, including a grand boss who was passive aggressive and a boss who liked being the center of attention.

    The grand boss story: we moved offices, and in stocking the new space, grand boss bought a k-cup coffee machine with a variety of packets, which was out in the kitchen. On the second day we were there, my colleague helped herself to a cup of coffee. Later that day, the entire set-up got tucked away in a cabinet, never to be used again. Grand boss never directly addressed it, but word around the office was that she was mad that someone had used the machine without explicitly being invited to, and so decided it should be off limits.

    The boss story: 3 hour long tasting of the Lays New Flavor Contest chips, including both American and Canadian flavors. At this point, everyone on the team was miserable, but we spent 3 hours in the conference room in forced merriment as we tasted and analyzed 16 flavors of chips. And heaven help you if you tried to say you had work to do.

    1. Kiki*

      My friends and I do a Lays chip flavor tasting every year when they come out with the new ones. It’s a lot of fun. It’s also voluntary and takes about 10 minutes.

      1. Llama Wrangler*

        Yeah, I assume your friends also aren’t narcissistic and don’t vindictive at any hint that anyone has anything better to do than listen to whatever they have to talk about. (I am convinced that the reason I got on the s***-list at that job was because I once excused myself from a “meeting” in Boss’s office that had gone on for an hour already and was not about anything work-related, when I was on a deadline.)

    2. Turtlewings*

      “How dare you actually use this coffee machine I put in a common area, assumedly for people to use!” What…?

      1. Llama Wrangler*

        If only that were the most bizarre thing that happened there. At that point, I think we didn’t even bat an eye.

  85. Jubilance*

    Someone might consider these weird…

    My first job was as a lab chemist, and each year we’d have a lab potluck. Normally eating in the lab is a big no-no, but for some reason we were all really cool with setting up all the food on the middle benches, and eating in the lab. Our lab manager would always bring a ham, and heat it up in one of the lab ovens – in his defense, he’d use one on the ovens designated for drying glassware, so it wasn’t gross.

    Also I’d always bring 2 boxes of Popeye’s chicken to these, cause it was easy and guaranteed to be eaten.

    1. Jennifer Thneed*

      I’m currently working (as a writer) in a biotech startup, and — food in the lab? That is MEGA-weird. In both directions! Don’t want to poison my food! Don’t want to contaminate my samples!

      (Did you guys have to go thru and re-sterilize everything afterward? I’m having images of wiping all surfaces AND THE CEILING with 70% alcohol, in long over-lapping wipes all in one direction, and a clean surface for each pass.)

    2. JustaTech*

      That’s amazing! One of the labs I worked in, we would have a Christmas potluck and one year I overheard one of the lab managers saying in that tone that will cut glass that no, they could not keep a keg of beer in the walk-in sterile media fridge.

      (Beer of course being full of lovely live yeast and bacteria.)

  86. peanutbutty*

    My first year in this job, my work doesn’t much overlap with the rest of our service group and I find them a bit clique-y in general. One in particular, Mary, likes to hold forth at great length on various “spiritual”/ “supernatural” topics such as Angels, Faith Healing, Crystals etc and glare ant anyone who does not express immediate agreement. At this stage I found her a bid odd but eminently ignorable. So I put such differences aside and brought a basket of fruit to the Secret Santa opening ceremony, thinking that not everyone wants to eat mince pies or chocolate for the seventeenth day in a row.
    I ordered to take it away because Mary didn’t like the smell of satsumas. I thought they were joking but no, I was angrily told by Mary that if I must eat a satsuma then I had better go and peel and eat it in the toilet, on another floor. She just couldn’t have the stuff near her. I mean, Mary’s response was so disproportionate you’d have thought I’d turned up with a hamper of child pornography.
    Nonetheless, my Christmas spirit not so easily daunted I diligently went and ate my satsuma on another floor (not in the toilet!) and came back up again, assuming there must have been some allergy or other health reason in play for Mary. I washed my hands thoroughly to ensure no satsuma smell inadvertently remained to cause allergic reactions.
    When I came back up all the presents (including my own) had been opened and all my fruit was gone. No body spoke a word to me but carried on playing with the “hilarious” sex toy that Mary had bought one of them.
    Later that day a colleague, “Jane” came to find me, took me to one side and whispered in a fairly normal tone of voice: “we don’t eat fruit when Mary is around. Her spirit healer told her to avoid it. But we all took some home and enjoyed it there. The grapes were delicious” then disappeared.
    I still work in the building with Mary but I no longer participate in Secret Santa.

    1. i2c2*

      “We don’t eat fruit when Mary is around.”
      This sounds like the beginning of some kind of gothic horror tale–I’m dying to know what happens in the next chapter! (But also, how creepy and rude to act this way towards you, and for others to act as if this behavior was somehow normal. Eek.)

    2. Miss Herring*

      I hadn’t heard of a satsuma before, so I go on Google expecting to discover it’s some variety of the odiferous durian. Nope! It just another variety of mandarin orange! So, heaven forbid you bring in and consume a tiny, inoffensive citrus fruit, but sex toys are fine?!

      “Missing stair,” as Jennifer Thneed says, is right! What does she do, lay golden eggs?

  87. Queen Anne of Cleves*

    I absolutely detest seafood and even the smell of it makes me nauseous. It’s hard for me to even look at it unless it’s deep fried. At old job I had a coworker who loved all things seafood…even things that most seafood likers would find hard to swallow. This coworker knew about my aversion to seafood although I tried not to be too vocal about it. After all, there was no reason to harp on it but she definitely knew. We were close enough that it would come up in conversation. So, when coworker generously decided to organize an office wedding shower FOR ME, she insisted on preparing all the food. Every single item was made with some type of seafood; crab dip, salmon something or other, shrimp cocktail, you name it. Because it was my shower I “had” to get in line first to get food and all I could get were the pita chips.

  88. Lisa*

    More than twenty years ago, I was a lease manager in a health care organization, a large, well-known organization. Our senior secretary asked about dates for us to bring in baked goods “to thank our colleagues,” with “in other departments” implied. I told her I thought we should skip it. (I prefer not to have baked goods nearby during the work day.) I heard nothing more, including whether or not it was happening.

    The planning evidently proceeded without me, because one day there was a table covered with baked goods on display. I went to get a cookie and the secretary told me I wasn’t allowed to have any, since I hadn’t brought anything.

    1. Basically blackmail for future occasions. 2. You’re supposed to tell people in advance about consequences.
    3. Great way to isolate and embarrass a co-worker.

    This secretary treated the junior secretary miserably, to the point of HR being brought in.

    1. Grayson*

      When I worked at OldJob2, the person in our office who organized potlucks disliked me intensely. She was an office busybody, and when she organized potlucks she took particular joy in telling me that I had to bring something or else I wouldn’t be able to eat.

      I’m fine with that rule, it’s sensible. What I had a problem with was her pettiness. Naturally, as an equally petty human, I needled her every time someone asked if I was going to the potluck. “Oh no, I haven’t donated to the potluck. Therefore I’m not allowed to take food.” Just loudly enough so she could hear (she sat next to me.)

        1. Artemesia*

          What am I missing? Of course you don’t take food from potlucks if you don’t bring something, unless you didn’t know about the potluck (say you were just returning from vacation) and they urge you to eat.

  89. Paloma Pigeon*

    Because my son has multiple food allergies, I tend to bake ‘top 8 free’ (no wheat, dairy, eggs, tree nuts, peanuts, soy, fish or shellfish, which would be unusual in baked goods anyway). I look at it as a way to both educate and please people who may be unaware that baking without those ingredients doesn’t mean they can’t be good.

    For an office holiday potluck, I offered to make ‘peanut butter’ cookies substituting sunflower butter for the peanut. However, I didn’t realize that in some recipes sunbutter can turn green – According to Sunbutter LLC, “The chlorogenic acid (chlorophyll) in sunflower seeds reacts with the baking soda/powder when baked, causing the green color when the cookies cool.” I found out when I uncovered them at the event, in front of my co-workers. And it was not a holiday green – it looked like a mold-y green. Needless to say, they weren’t very popular, and I was mortified. Oh well.

    1. Lemon Zinger*

      You can use the sunbutter effect to your advantage on St. Patrick’s Day! I was so pleased and surprised the first time I made sunbutter muffins, but I wouldn’t have been so happy if the muffins were for anyone but me…

    2. YaH*

      That reminds me of the time I made a Parmesan broccoli dish for Thanksgiving. Some sort of weird chemical reaction happened between the lemon juice and the cheese and the whole thing turned kind of blue-ish. It honestly made me think of Bridget Jones’s Diary where she made the blue string soup.

  90. beanie beans*

    I work in a large office building where the building owner every December threw a huge buffet lunch for the tenants. Everyone in the building attended, even though it was crazy crowded and long lines and average food – because, hey, it was free food and they did giveaways for nice stuff and had music and was just overall a nice festive time.

    I’m sure it was an expensive shindig to pull off, so when the building sold to new owners, we weren’t surprised last December when the building management announced they were scaling back the holiday party.

    Their scaled back version? A couple of bags of hersheys kisses on the lunchroom with a card.

    1. Arjay*

      My first year here we had a very lavish holiday party at a fancy downtown hotel. Then the company had some legal troubles. Next year we had lunch in the break room.

    2. Rana*

      This reminds me of one year when I was working as a “visiting” assistant professor (“visiting” meaning that I was there only for a year, on a temporary contract). Since I wasn’t permanent faculty, but also not an adjunct, they didn’t quite know what to do with me. Sometimes I was directed towards adjunct functions, sometimes treated like regular faculty. The strangest and worst was the different orientations for the two – the faculty orientation included a fancy dinner complete with carved meats, wheels of brie studded with dried fruit, roast asparagus, lots of good wine, and so forth. The adjunct orientation? Consisted of being given handouts about using the printing office and sexual harassment policies, and a sideboard of coffee and a single platter of stale, store-bought cookies.

      Yeah.

  91. SanDiegoSmith82*

    I have a few:

    Last work place: Coworker who I had other issues with made THE WORST smelling food. To this date, I’m still not sure what it was, but one day she came in while I was on lunch (our times overlapped) and used the microwave to warm up some sort of strange cabbage and “meat” concoction. It was one of the foulest smelling things to ever exist. (I’d rather smell week old reheated salmon) and would eat it with every other bite being yogurt that also smelled past it’s prime. The combo of smells was so bad I actually vomited. Never ate in that break room again.

    Work place before that: On top of running a department, being the go to admin assistant by default for the owner, and helping the other super busy department, I was the social event coordinator for the 200 of us in the offices (before layoffs). I helped with all catering, party planning, even parade floats, all being grossly underpaid. I was offered a fantastic opportunity (at least I thought) and gave me two weeks. While most of the office was shocked, but happy for me, one of the upper managers (niece of Grandboss/Owner- hereby named “Her Majesty”) was pissed, because it meant she’d have to do more of her own work, and get her own coffee in the morning. (I wish I was kidding). As the event planner, I’d organized tons of events for people who left for similar reasons. One of them cost upwards of $400, and she had been with the company for about the same time/same position as I was. All costs were approved by Her Majesty, and she gave the person a $200 GC from her own pocket (aka the company credit card). I knew that she was upset at me, so didn’t expect that by any means. My final day came. I honestly had zero expectations, as things had been weird since I said I was leaving. I was called into the lunch room, and there was a small gathering, paid for mostly by my team mates. Her Majesty wouldn’t allow them to spend more than $30 on the food/cake/card for the 100 or so people (those that survived prementioned layoffs) that wanted to wish me well, and the team (mostly it was from Grand Uncle Boss behind Her Majesty’s back) pitched into get cheap pizza and a $20 cake. She wanted nothing to do with it, and to be an even bigger witch, put a stop pay on my final paycheck. Found out there was a hostile takeover by investors about 3 months later, and she was the first one fired. Thanks Kharma!!!

      1. SanDiegoSmith82*

        I went down in person the day my bank told me I was “overdrawn”- went straight to the head of HR who was not afraid of Her Majesty. Made them rewrite the check from a different department/entity, and repay me for my time and related check fees they caused me to incur. Then threatened to go to the labor board and raise hell if they pulled anything else.

        Like I said, Karma got her in the end.

  92. Sabrina*

    An old friend of mine recently became a contractor at a state agency, he works in the same office as the state workers. They had a potluck and not only didn’t invite any contractors but didn’t leave any leftovers in the break room to share, instead taking all the food back to their desks and sharing it among themselves.

      1. nonegiven*

        If there is a decent number of contractors, they can organize their own and not let the employees have any.

  93. anotheranon*

    My company had a cook-off around the holidays one year where half the office cooked and the other half would be the judges. I was in the judging group.

    Two of the four cooks were the office’s self-appointed food police who had clear eating disorders and were constantly criticizing everyone’s food choices. They’d frequently sit near the kitchen and whine about their “fat rolls” and then when someone walked by they’d say “EW YOU’RE EATING THAT?!”

    After the judges sat down to sample, we discovered that the food police cooks were spying on us and observing us eat through a window and taking notes. Do doubt about how fat we all were chowing down on all this fattening food. I never participated in anything food related again.

  94. Green Goose*

    I was a native English language teacher at an English Immersion kindergarten in Asia for a few years. The kindergarten that we worked at was run by an owner who was mostly fine but was notoriously cheap. The kids were all from wealthy families and it was culturally common for the parents to bring treats for the teachers or give us little presents (which was very sweet of them). Since the parents did not enter the school, the presents would usually be in their children’s backpacks and there were multiple cases of the owner going through the backpacks and steal things that were clearly marked “Teacher Green Goose”, or items for other teachers. This probably happened even more than I realized, and since most of the parents could not communicate with us, I only would find out when a four year old student would tell me that the owner had done it.

    But the most blatant thing that she would do was, if a parent bought lunch for the teachers (pizzas, cakes, cases of drinks) the owner would intercept them, take half of the gift and “give” it to other staffers to show HER appreciation for their work. One day a parent delivered six single sized pizzas and two large salads for the six teachers. The owner took four pizzas and gave them to other staffers to “thank them for their work” and then left the rest in our office. She would never ask us, and she always seemed very generous with items she had not paid for and she would got incensed the one time a teacher called her out for it.

    1. Look Back In Ingres*

      Korea? I ived for the “Joonhee’s mum says thank you, so she bought you all ddeok” days.

  95. Queen of the File*

    I’ve been through my share of great and not-great potlucks, but my most extreme office food story is the moment I learned to appreciate my surly co-worker.

    My surly coworker and I were tasked with providing light refreshments for an all-staff meeting (more than 200 people) on an extremely tight budget (less than $1 per person). My coworker went to great lengths to talk (badger) local vendors into deals so we could get the best spread possible, and she did a great job. It was nothing fancy, but fresh fruits, mini pastries, crackers, spreads, and coffee–enough for everyone to have some of everything.

    During the opening address (by a senior manager), before the refreshments were officially ‘served’, someone standing near the refreshments at the back of the room was sneaking food off the tables and putting them into a plastic bag she had brought. A few of us noticed but were so appalled (and trying to stay quiet) that we just watched, silently aghast, the collective “who *does* that??” on hold in our minds, waiting for the speech to end. That is until my surly coworker saw her take an entire bunch of bananas. “EXCUSE ME,” she shouted from the front of the room, “THIS IS NOT A GROCERY STORE, AND YOU DO NOT DO YOUR FOOD SHOPPING HERE. PLEASE PUT THOSE BANANAS BACK ON THE TABLE.”

    One beat of silence, bananas go back on the table, speech resumes. I’ve never been so impressed.

    4. Turtlewings*

      So many things on this thread have been making me Very Angry and then here’s this post to make me So Happy!

  96. Akcipitrokulo*

    So I got promoted around the time we had hit all our targets, so manager announced about 3-4 weeks in advance the team was being taken out to lunch for both a celebration and my goodbye lunch.

    Except it was on a day I was fasting for religious reasons.

    I asked him immediately after meeting if we could rearrange it for the day before or after as I couldn’t eat that day.

    He refused point blank.

    I didn’t want to make everyone feel uncomfortable by sitting not eating while they ate big meal, so missed my own farewell lunch.

    1. Cat*

      I would have straight up shown up and stared – I had a similar situation, but my boss rescheduled because he is a Reasonable Human

      2. Akcipitrokulo*

        I also *might* be wrong… this occurred later… but this was west central Scotland, he was from an older generation, I’m catholic and just something about his manner… yeah. In any event, he was a real arse about it. I asked after the meeting informally, then followed up and explained, nicely, that I would not be able to eat anything at the meal so would not be attending, and would really appreciate being able to attend as it was my leaving do. He was having none of it.

  97. That Would Be a Good Band Name*

    At OldJob, we used to have potlucks and then someone had an allergic reaction to something that normally wouldn’t have contained what they were allergic to. (I’ve forgotten the specifics of the allergen and food item.) So it was decided that going forward, whatever was brought had to be labeled with all the ingredients. No big deal, right? Apparently, it was. It pretty much killed all potlucks because people found it to be too much trouble to write down what they put in their homemade stuff. Plus, the later shift would try to sneak a potluck by setting it up in their cubes instead of in the break room because they didn’t want to label their food and (supposedly) no one had allergies on their shift. The whole thing was ridiculous.

      1. Anon today...and tomorrow*

        Right? And so easy! I made Rachael Ray’s 5 minute fudge one year – two batches with different mix ins. My mom brought them to her office potluck. I quickly wrote out the ingredients and taped them to the covers. My mom said at least 4 people thanked her. One batch had raisins in it and there was a guy who didn’t like raisins all. He said they were “Satan’s turds”. LOL!

    2. JGJ*

      I don’t understand this at all. My new job the potluck rule is there will be a stack of postit notes in the room where you are leaving your food, you tell people what it is and what is in it and then whether people are allergic or just don’t like something they know what it is. I’ve never been in a place that did this before but it’s just so sensible

  98. Nita*

    This is nothing compared with some of these stories, but the lunch I packed myself today is causing me some anxiety. There’s a hot pepper in it. An incredibly hot pepper that my husband bought in the grocery as a regular sweet pepper. Normally this would not be a big deal, but we threw a big birthday party last weekend, and I put together a plate full of cut veggies, including three identical peppers. Sneaking hot peppers into my guests’ food is not my idea of hospitality.

    However, no one broke out in coughing fits or complained at the party, so maybe those three really were normal peppers. Maybe I just got lucky when I didn’t slice up the fourth one that day.

    1. Kat from NJ via CA*

      Oh yeah sometimes this happens to me with jalapeños. They’re incredibly variable in their spice level based on environmental conditions when they’re grown so it’s hard to tell how hot a batch of say, jalapeño poppers will be.

  99. anon for this one*

    I used to work in a department that had fairly high turnover (government + IT = get your year of experience and then go off to greener pastures) so we had a lot of going-away parties. And since it was the government, our employer didn’t provide food, so the rest of our department did. One manager was well known for bringing a package of store-brand cookies to these parties (I don’t care if you buy your contribution, but spend more than $1.50 on a package of cookies). Finally the department admin said “You know, so many people ask for our recipes. I think we should start labeling each item with the name of the person who brought it, so they’ll know who to ask.” Fergus blanched when he saw cookies provided by Fergus next to his contribution, and that was the last time he brought a package of cheap sandwich cookies.

    3. Ramona Flowers*

      I don’t love this, because you never know what someone’s financial situation is like even if they earn more than you.

      1. anon for this one*

        Then pretend I told you what I *did* know about his financial situation, which is that he seemed to have plenty of money to spend on expensive coffee, daily lunches out, etc.

      2. SignalLost*

        I feel like every letter I’ve read on this blog where someone was genuinely in financial distress, they worked hard not to make that visible to coworkers. Every story I’ve read about someone being a petty dick about money, on the other hand, they’ve had plenty and just are jerks. It’s surprising how often people are complete asshats.

      3. Malibu Stacey*

        Maybe she knows her coworker better than you do? I really get annoyed that every time we share stories like this here someone has to point out, “You don’t his financial stituation, tho.” Assume the commenter is a reliable narrator of her own anecdote and wouldn’t share it if she believed this was due to not having $.

  100. Southern Maryland Ham, Oyster, and Crab Eater*

    We’re doing a Thanksgiving potluck tomorrow. This year’s invite is pretty cool. Instead of traditional menu item, we can bring any culinary treat or personal specialty. You reply to the admin with what you are going to bring, but she is not sharing the list to everyone else. It’s all going to be a surprise.

    I’ll report in the Open Thread tomorrow on how it went.

  101. KF*

    There were periodic potluck lunches at my last job and there was someone who always brought a can of beets which they opened and dumped in a bowl (and of course there were the inevitable 85,000 pasta salads).

    1. Justme*

      My last job had a theme to their potlucks. But there was always the person who would bring in disposable silverware (or napkins, or plates, or…) every time and never cook.

      2. Detective Amy Santiago*

        We had the opposite problem at OldJob. The breakroom was stocked with utensils and napkins so we never had to think about those things. It only had those really tiny paper plates though and we would often forget to bring in regular sized ones. A few of us started buying the jumbo packs and keeping them at our desk for those times.

  102. Justme*

    So, this is ironic. My work is having a potluck, spearheaded by my actual department. My office is not with my department, it’s downstairs with another department (of people who are all really seriously awesome). I wasn’t invited to said potluck by the organizer. There have been other potlucks that my department did earlier this year that I was also not invited to (two others were omitted from the previous ones but invited to today’s). My “foster department” has invited me – in fact they told me that I had to attend. Which is really nice of them to do. So I’m going to begrudgingly attend and eat free food.

  103. Cassie*

    Our office mooch is a really quiet, polite guy who’s very good at his job, so I guess that’s how he gets away with it.

    Yesterday there was a multi-department company-sponsored pizza lunch as a thanks for a big launch. He whipped out a Swiss army knife and walked around the building to every pizza, cutting out the “buy ten get one” coupons on every box. This was very soon after the food was delivered and served, so he was hacking and sawing away at the boxes while holding up a line of people who actually wanted to eat, and also mangling/creating giant holes in the boxes that made the hot food turn cold right away.

    I watched this go down with a mix of aggravation and admiration for his sheer DGAF.

    2. Rusty Shackelford*

      People can be such doormats sometimes. I can’t imagine quietly standing there watching him saw out coupons when you could politely say “Fergus, can you do that later, please? You’re holding up the line.”

  104. Anon in case this is too specific*

    Last year, one of my wonderful coworkers made delicious fried chicken for a team bonding event a couple of days before Thanksgiving. I watched them make it — they used proper hygiene, it was cooked through, everything should have been fine. Except that night I came down with a horrendous stomach bug. I spent my Thanksgiving miserable in bed struggling to keep down saltines and flat ginger ale.

    I didn’t make the connection between the chicken and the stomach distress until a few months later, when the same coworker made fried chicken again, and I had another miserable night (fortunately just one, not several this time). Nobody else in my office gets sick from it, so I don’t know wtf it is — that fried chicken just does not agree with me. Which is sad, because it’s SO tasty.

    1. Samata*

      Are you allergic to peanut oil maybe??? For the record, if I had this reaction to fried chicken I would be super bummed.

      1. Anon in case this is too specific*

        I doubt I am, since I eat peanuts, peanut butter, and plenty of other fried things with no consequences. The other possibility is that it really was unrelated the first time, but my body remembered “this fried chicken -> illness” and preemptively tried to get it out of my system. Fortunately this coworker has a wide variety of delicious things they make for the team, and their tacos have never done me wrong. :)

        1. SignalLost*

          I thought I had a crab allergy for years and I’m convinced it was that effect. I’m so happy I don’t.

  105. sometimeswhy*

    During CPR/first aid training, the company provided lunch. There was someone with a severe allergy in the group and the place they ordered from used the allergy trigger in their food.

    Epi pen deployed, ambulance called, irony not lost.

  106. Unicorn Ranger*

    This happening right now at my work place – every year my organization has 2 super large fundraisers. We are in the midst of the 2nd one right now and usually divisions with less that 10 people band together and collaborate. I got voluntold into being my divisions’ lead and as is customary gave them some simple ideas – one that was particularly well received was a take on “Storage Wars” – I called it “Banker Box Wars” and the idea is to pack banker box with goodies and then have people bid on them . I was working with 2 other divisional leads and it was great – everyone was excited – and then suddenly the head of other division (who also happened to be mom of one of the divisional leads) announced to the other Heads that her team came up with the ideas and all donations should go to them.
    I am so irked by this and then this morning her over heard her saying to her staff – that she couldn’t understand WHY we wouldn’t collaborate on this because it was a great idea – meanwhile her daughter (one of the leads and has gone on vacation) and her admin (the other lead) went on and on about how they were too busy to do it and think that just participating in the walk and run event would be enough.

    Ugh…I’ve never experienced office politics over CHARITY – so this is brand new. Next year I plan to shut up and stay out of the way – this has put me off in the worst way.

    1. True Story*

      Is there anyone about all of your heads that you can talk to about this? Seems like it’s not just a clear-cut case of someone wanting the glory for a good idea (which is irksome but something I could let go if my coworkers knew she was a glory-stealer), but this woman is actually trying to take funds away from the other two divisions.

      1. Jennifer Thneed*

        I suspect that the funds being raised are for donations elsewhere. So she’s not stealing money, but she’s stealing glory in a big way.

  107. AnonInSpringfield*

    My company throws awesome Christmas parties, and some of our execs fly around and try to attend parties in different offices. At the party in one major office a few years back, people came down with food poisoning the next day from the catering. 30% of the employees in that location were out sick on Monday, and a few had to go to hospital. To make it worse, some of the execs who had flown there for the party got sick as well, luckily after landing back in their hometown.

  108. Kimberly*

    I have several. The fact I have a potentially deadly allergy to peanuts by touch or consumption figures into several. I am a former teacher and teachers eat a lot of chocolate and granola type snacks. In the US most mass-produced chocolate has at least a may contain peanuts/made in a facility that processes peanuts warning. We had to make an announcement at a staff meeting in early November after I landed in the ER because a teacher grabbed my arm while eating peanuts.

    1 Thanksgiving Potluck that same year. I’m walking into the breakroom and the secretary comes flying around corner and pulls me out of the doorway. Turned out before the announcement she had ordered a fried turkey for the potluck and put 2+2 together as I was heading into the room. The principal insisted on getting me lunch from down the street and having my class covered so I could eat.

    2. the 4th and 5th grade teachers stopped contributing to seasonal potlucks because there was never any food left when our lunchtimes hit and our breaks were after lunch. Got a new PTO president and she make sure that only a share of food was put out each lunch period and had fresh pizza delivered each hour.

    3. Staff development day – We look forward to it because we get to eat out. Well, one year they decided that we would have catered lunches at each site and we would not be allowed to eat out. They didn’t tell us ahead of time and the caterer was a chicken restaurant famous for 2 things supporting White Supremacy/Anti-LGBTQ+ groups and claiming their peanut oil was safe for allergic people to eat because it is so pure and blessed by Jesus. I was told I would be written up if I went out and got something safe to eat. I was fortunate that my staff development was science. I called the head of science and she blasted the on-site people out of the water and told me to go get something safe to eat. The local mostly independent restaurant business community raised hell about being excluded from the catering contract and losing all that business (they had extra people on their schedules to handle the traffic that never came). And several people with similar allergies filed ADA complaints with HR. They never did that agian.

    4. Was told by a parent volunteer that if I went to their church I wouldn’ t have food alergies because their true god would protect me.

    5. Got yelled at by a teacher’s aide for snitching on her to the cops. Turned out she had told someone she was going to sneak peanut oil into some potluck food to prove my allergy was all in my head. That person didn’t trust our religious fanatic principal and she this was her first grown-up job. She asked her family for advice. Our Kids & Cops cop was a cousin. (Small town – I think 3/4 of our campus was related) He informed the aide and the principal that putting something you know someone is allergic to in that person’s food is called attempted murder by poisoning. Then came to warn me not to eat anything the aide had handled.

    1. ParadeRainedOut*

      Holy Hannah, what is wrong with people!? Were there any consequences for the aide? Boy, I hope so.

    2. Trig*

      If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this thread it’s that peanut oil is a normal thing to cook with in some places… I had no idea that’s how you make fried chicken. It wouldn’t occur to me at all and it seems like an extreme liability in a restaurant! Vegetable oil, canola oil, and olive oil are all I have ever used. Is it a southern thing?

      1. Beancounter Eric*

        Why use peanut oil for deep frying?
        It’s not a Southern thing, it’s a culinary thing.
        Refined peanut oil has a neutral taste, low in saturated fat and high in polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, and had a high smoke point, which allows for, within reason, higher cooking temperatures before the oil begins to break down.

        From the American College of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology :

        Q:
        I’m planning to make fried chicken using peanut oil. I recently read that peanut oil doesn’t cause peanut allergy reactions. Is that true? Is there something on the label of the oil or the packaging that will let me know that?
        A:
        Most individuals with peanut allergy can safely eat highly refined peanut oil. This is not the case, however, for cold-pressed, expelled, extruded peanut oils. If you are allergic to peanuts, ask your allergist whether you should avoid peanut oil. For more information, the Food Allergy Research & Education (FARE) website is also an excellent resource.

        and the link – http://acaai.org/resources/connect/ask-allergist/does-peanut-oil-cause-allergic-reactions

    4. Artemesia*

      Glad someone did the common sense thing with portioning the potluck for each shift. How hard is that?

  109. Retail Lifer*

    At a previous job we used to have potlucks on occasion, but our corporate office put a stop to bringing in homemade items. There was a strong implication that it was because someone might try to poison everyone. I don’t know where that came from but I’m sure there was a good story behind it.

  110. Akcipitrokulo*

    A good one :)

    Our IT director was providing snacks for a meeting. I’m the only vegetarian in the department.

    He called my manager from the suoermarket on the way in to make sure I liked the veggie option he was buying.

      1. AvonLady Barksdale*

        It’s so nice, isn’t it? My partner hates going to a lot of private events because he doesn’t like to “make a fuss” about being vegetarian and nearly refused to go to my company holiday party last year (three weeks into my new job) because he was convinced he wouldn’t have anything to eat. We have several veggies on staff and they are always accommodated with delicious options (we are a very food-oriented office).

      2. Akcipitrokulo*

        It is a good department for that – whoever is booking a sprint lunch will have a glance at veggie options (although where we are they all have something I can eat!)

      3. Rana*

        Or worse. I once made the mistake of choosing the vegetarian option for a conference banquet and what they served me was a plate of plain steamed vegetables. No seasonings, no bread, nothing else. At a banquet that was $30 a head.

    2. ParadeRainedOut*

      I love this. What a great director!

      I’m vegan, and my coworkers always make sure there’s a vegan option for me when they’re putting something together. But if HR is organizing it? I know to bring something myself.

      1. Akcipitrokulo*

        He is awesome in so many ways – this is just the latest – he genuinely thinks about what’s best for the staff under him and usually makes it happen.

      2. Akcipitrokulo*

        Just remembered – this was when I’d only been there a couple of months. Department was going out for a meal, paying ourselves; being on a budget, I’d been careful with what I ordered (menu had been sent round in advance and director took orders).

        Then came bill, and it became obvious that the expectation was that it would be split equally – I was a little panicked but hid it – I had enough at that time to cover it but had other plans for that cash… but can’t say “no, I only ordered the cheap stuff!” in that kind of social situation.

        I didn’t have to choose between paying more than could really afford or embarrassment, director (who was gathering money) said quietly to me that I was only to pay £X because I hadn’t ordered that much! He had obviously clocked situation and quietly made it right.

  111. foodalicious*

    This one is similar to the “Pizza Gate” story above, but I work for an organization that many people want to thank, often with food items (think police or fire department, hospital, etc). It’s actually problematic because half the staff won’t eat whatever is brought in due to fear of poison/e coli/hair/whatever. ANYWAYS, sometimes wealthier members of the public want to treat us with something delivered … like the one time someone had 200 sub sandwiches delivered. Shortly afterwards an email went out to the entire staff saying “hey, when someone drops something off like that, you know that actually just want it to go to the firemen, right? Not the in-house accountant, or the IT staff, or the receptionist … You should all wait until after all the firemen have gotten their fill, because that the purpose of the gesture.”

    This (obviously) did not go over well (I work in the Records Department of our organization, and half of my coworkers might as well had death-lasers instead of eyeballs for weeks afterwards). We still refer to that incident as “Food Gate”

  112. Notthemomma*

    I make a mean chocolate cake with cherry pie filling included …chocolatey, moist, great texture and a Carmel frosting. At OldJob, I had to quit bringing it because Donna would talk about it, talk TO it, and make moaning NSFW adult noises while eating it.

    No one could look her in the eye for days after eating that cake.

    3. Cassie*

      This story is useless without a recipe, so we can judge whether Donna was over-reacting or if it’s just that good.

      *taps foot impatiently*

      1. Anon today...and tomorrow*

        I’m glad someone thought to ask…just wish I’d asked first. :) And Notthemomma….we’re waiting! :)

    4. strawberries and raspberries*

      I yelled at my mom once for doing that at a restaurant. While the waiter was listing the dessert options. Like actually making the moaning noise after he said each dessert option. I have never wanted to be adopted so badly in my life.

    6. Notthemomma*

      1 pillsbury chocolate cake- follow the box instructions EXCEPT, leave out any oil or water and substitute 1 can of cherry pie filling. If using an electric mixer, it’ll chop up the cherries, so I hand mix. Bake as the box says; it’s done when a knife poked in the middle comes out clean. For frosting, either use canned frosting or caramel ice cream topping mixed with vanilla frosting. Eat; but make sure your SO is in the mood for, um, ‘cake’

      1. Ladycrim*

        I used to make what I called ‘chocolate cherry piecakes’ every Thanksgiving, but this method sounds so much better than mine! Will definitely be trying it; thank you!

    7. nonegiven*

      I’ve heard of Better Than Sex cake, but I think the recipe I saw had crushed pineapple instead of cherry pie filling.

  113. Wem*

    I make homemade candy every year for Xmas. I brought in marked boxes for the people on my team, and gave them out. 1 person wasn’t there, so I left it in the fridge until the next day. Some one stole it. Talk about pissed off. I was SO angry.

  114. Pithy Moniker*

    Once I went into the breakroom to warm up my lunch. The microwave wasn’t running when I went in, but there was food in there. I asked the people eating lunch if it was theirs, and they didn’t even know whose it was. After waiting another minute, I pulled the lunch out and placed it on top of the microwave. Sometime after I was done heating my lunch, the person whose food it had been entered the breakroom. She was so incensed that someone had removed her lunch that she proceeded to scream at me for several minutes. I stared at her blankly for awhile and then said I waited for long enough, and there’s only one microwave. She immediately stormed into HR’s office and demanded that I be reprimanded (with the full audience of myself and everyone else in the office). Our HR Director refused, so she went to her friend the COO’s admin who sent out a sternly worded email to the entire office.

    This is a ridiculous story no matter what, but it’s more fun to me because at the time I was overdue with my first born, so she was yelling at a rather enormously pregnant woman who also happened to be significantly senior to her.

    1. Pithy Moniker*

      I should mention that the COO’s admin had only been there for a week or so. When she sent the company-wide email to a hundred plus people, most people didn’t even know who she was.

    2. CM*

      I hope the sternly worded email said, “Don’t leave your food unattended, we only have one microwave that everyone has to share,” but I suspect it didn’t.

    3. Geillis D*

      In OldJob we had the constant Whose Time is it, Anyway? debate.
      People would set the microwave to X minutes and get their food out at X – 20 seconds, which would remain on the timer unless cleared. The boss would re-heat his coffee and just add a minute rather than set the time. He would get furious when his coffee boiled over and we had several stern talking-tos regarding the dire need to clear our damn time from the damn microwave, dammit.

  115. Rusty Shackelford*

    We have a rotation where people take turns bringing snacks one day a week. We also used to have an awful manager who bragged about how much money she had, and was also indescribably cheap. She eventually opted out of snack day, saying she didn’t want to bring the snacks and that she wouldn’t eat the snacks others brought. Fine, whatever. Except one day I walked into the breakroom to find her munching on a giant piece of the chocolate cake that had been brought for snack day. She shoved the rest of the cake in her mouth and said “Ooooh, that cake looks so good! Much better than this granola bar I brought from home!” Like I hadn’t seen her holding a piece of chocolate cake. Even now, my eyes are rolling so hard that they’re about to fall out of my head.

    1. Murphy*

      I know someone exactly like that.

      She would come out to dinner and only order a water. She would share in the group appetizer, but when we asked the server to split the cost among us, she would say, “Not me!” and refuse to pay.

  116. Keli*

    My mom worked for a small college. They had an annual Christmas dinner to which all faculty, staff, and their families were invited. It started around 5 or 5:30 I believe.
    We arrived shortly after 5:00 and there was already a huge line. Everyone was starving, especially the little kids. After standing in line for an hour, we finally got to the serving tables and found cheese, crackers, and a few dried-out ham circles. An attendant stood beside the table handing out cookies, making sure we each only took one.
    We thought perhaps we’d missed the dinner due to the long line, but no. For whatever reason, the planners decided to serve a light snack. At dinner time. Without bothering to tell anyone.
    We skipped the party the next year, which I hear was a proper dinner. We never did find out the reason for the cheese and crackers.

    1. LCL*

      I went to a wedding once that was held at 6PM on a Saturday. The guests were expecting some kind of refreshments. There were…mints. I understand that the couple didn’t have much money, but they didn’t ask for help! Me and a few others would gladly have provided something, if we had known.

      1. Artemesia*

        Have the wedding at 2, serve Hawaiian punch, tea and coffee; most of the weddings of my youth were like that. Dinner time? Dinner or something that passes for dinner.

        1. Marillenbaum*

          Bingo–I was raised Mormon, lived in Utah, and most people I knew who were getting married were like, 19. So the cake and punch reception was really common, and no one cared! It was probably a large sheet cake someone’s parent had made, and it was really nice.

  117. A Bag of Jedi Mind Tricks*

    At oldjob, I had a manager who, when we would all go out for lunch, he would take his fingers and wipe the plate or bowl of the last residue of food and then lick said fingers.

  118. Anon because really specific*

    No horror stories, but one that still strikes me as so weird.

    One year we had a cupcake bar for a charity fundraiser – there was an assortment of cupcake flavors, frostings, toppings, etc. You just paid your donation and built your cupcake. It was popular and pretty successful, and people would try all sorts of flavor combinations.

    But one person bought their cupcake, sliced it in half (top/bottom), and piled 6 to 8 inches of salted caramel frosting on each half (basically an entire bowl). Then they sat down and ate it. Now, I like frosting, but the idea of eating a pound of frosting on top of two bites of cake still grosses me out.

  119. Lia*

    Our newest hire has taken on the role of office party planner, a role that was vacant because, well, we just aren’t office party people, by and large.

    This has resulted in an offsite, all day picnic, where the spread consisted of 90% baked goods and 10% burgers on a park grill that was probably last cleaned in the 1980’s, and a potluck a few weeks ago where one person brought in crock-pot meatballs that had perhaps cooked for all of an hour prior to the potluck. I cut into one and it was completely raw. I like steak tartare, but no way am I eating it outside of a restaurant.

    Next week is out Thanksgiving extravaganza, and I am sure there will be more delightful dishes there. I think I’ll be out of the office for the Xmas event, at least.

        2. Mallory Janis Ian*

          I didn’t know what it was, so I had to click the link even though I expected to be grossed out. Knowing that you learned of it from watching CSI, the reality wasn’t as bad as I expected, which was something murder-adjacent.

    3. Corky's wife Bonnie*

      Oh my, I shouldn’t have clicked on that link while dealing with an already topsy-turvey stomach.

  121. Anon today...and tomorrow*

    10 years ago I worked for a medical insurance company in New England. Every year they would have this big catered cookout for all the employees. I worked in the call center and our lunch times were scheduled. My department within the call center was small with low walls and a very close-knit feel to it. A lot of us in the department were scheduled for the last scheduled lunch slot. One co-worker, “Mike”, was scheduled for the first. So the day of the cookout arrives and it’s revealed that employees are able to choose between lobster or chicken along with the usual sides (coleslaw, mac&cheese, potato salad, etc) It’s important to note here that this was being catered by an outside company and our usual cafeteria was closed. It was explained that we were only to have one or the other and that there were no second helpings because they wanted to make sure everyone got a serving. So everyone on first lunch heads to the courtyard, gets their stuff, eats. Mike is so excited about the lobster. He brings his lunch up to his desk (not unusual) and is chatting away while eating. We’re all happy for him and for us too, because we see lobster in our futures. Mike then goes back to get more food. Three more times! Each time he gets lobster and each time he brings it back to his desk to eat it. 4 lobsters gone in an hour. We were not happy anymore. Apparently the catering staff hadn’t been clued in on the one per customer rule until after the first lunch. Somebody tells someone in power and the run of free lobsters for Mike ends. So the last lunch comes and we head down to eat. Guess how many people in our department wanted lobster and couldn’t have it because they ran out? Yep…three. And the chicken, while okay, was slightly charred and a sad second to the lobster people had been dreaming about all morning. And Mike? Absolutely unapologetic for what he did. Seriously…the guy sat there for weeks bragging about how he got to eat like a king while others didn’t. It soured him to the entire team and when our team was downsized less than a year later and he was let go. Someone left a lobster lollipop (very popular with tourists here in New England) on his desk with a note that said “All the lobster you’ll get from now on.” Still don’t know who did it but dang…that burn had some serious heat on it.

  122. Juli G.*

    Once, our function met a major goal. We had numerous rewards for it but one was a pizza lunch for all 500 people in the building. Leadership went all out and did a truly amazing job. Pizzas from 5 different places – one national chain, two regional chains, and two local favorites. Pepperoni, cheese, ham, supreme… and specialty pizzas like BBQ chicken, white pizza, margherita, Alfredo. And tons of it. Four slices a piece easily plus salad, breadsticks, and wings. (I’ll caveat that this was 10 years ago so not great for the non-gluten crowd but not much was then and the regular cafe staff was there so they paid for any cafe meals for those with unaccomodated restrictions). It was truly impressive and well organized.

    But we didn’t get pizza from Pizza Place #6. It was 25 miles away so maybe that’s why. So one coworker strolled up and down the pizza tables sneering at each open box and asking every member of senior leadership that were cheerfully manning the stations, “Is this pizza? It’s not like Pizza Place 6. Why not Pizza Place 6? They’re the best. This pizza is garbage.”

    It still infuriates me to this day. I think we’ve all been to kind of lame pizza lunches and most people are still cheerful about free food. This was a free pizza extravaganza.

    Would y’all be surprised to hear that when the recession hit months later, coworker didn’t make the cut?

    1. Samata*

      Tool.

      I know a lot more is known now about dietary issues, but for your company 10 years ago to pay for anyone with food allergies to get something from the cafe is pretty awesome. Majority of places I have worked or conferences I have gone to, even recently, have ONE option if you are GF/DF/V or some combo and that is it. And it’s usually a wilted salad with some boiled chicken. Sans chicken if your Vegan.

      1. Malibu Stacey*

        Yeah, we had a director order pizza for her dept at a previous company from a chain that I don’t like . . . so I didn’t eat it. It’s not that hard.

  123. Fenchurch*

    Our company gives us lunch for free every day. They also bought into Yammer, which is an enterprise-wise social network for our employees to share on. One of the most infamous moments on our Yammer page was an employee complaining about another employee stealing all o fthe meatballs out of the Italian Wedding Soup.

    Directly copied/pasted from the archives:

    Italian Wedding Soup… The key word here is “soup”…

    So here we are, it’s Wednesday, the lunch menu is so-so but I see that Italian Wedding soup is available, ok great! I get in line behind 7 people and I think to myself “hmmm, this line isn’t moving very fast, why is that?” As I inch forward I noticed that someone is taking their time, making sure to pick out every meatball that is in the serving tray… Wait a minute, that’s supposed to be for everyone. Obviously the fantastic kitchen staff will put out new soup trays as needed but how are they supposed to know there are no meatballs left? As I watch the heaping pile of meatballs walk off to next serving station I can’t help but notice the disappointment on the faces of all the hard working individuals in front of me. We work for a company that provides great free lunch every day, all we have to do is be reasonable. I don’t think it’s asking too much to take a few meatballs and enjoy them with the other vegetables and broth that make up the soup.

    The only thing that comes to mind is a famous Seinfeld episode in which you hear “No soup for you!”

    Meatballgate 2015 has officially kicked off!

    Smile, be respectful, be kind, and listen to your inner hunger, it’s not telling you to eat 20 meatballs…

    1. CM*

      This whole thread is making me determined to speak up if I ever see this happening. If the other people in line had said, “Hey, stop that,” instead of complaining on Yammer, it would have been better for everyone.

    2. Delta Delta*

      I got a raging case of food poisoning from wedding soup once. It makes me shudder just thinking about it!

  124. NF*

    My son’s preschool had a teacher retention problem, most likely due to low pay and uncompetitive benefits. One year in December, they announced they wouldn’t be offering health insurance benefits for the next calendar year (i.e. with three weeks’ notice). Someone high up the chain was enlightened enough to realize this might contribute to the teacher retention problem, so he made a statement about how much the larger organization valued them and wanted to “take care of them” in other ways, starting with a first-ever staff appreciation lunch the following week. These poor teachers showed up to their staff appreciation lunch…to find a carefully stacked pyramid of nonperishable food from the local food bank.

    3. nnn*

      Does…does that mean some higher-up in the school actually got food out of the foodbank for this alleged staff appreciation lunch? And the foodbank let them do it? Or did they engage in some kind of subterfuge to get the foodbank to give them the food?

      1. NF*

        This preschool is operated by a national nonprofit that had a relationship with the local food bank and used the food bank to regularly feed disadvantaged kids and (I’m speculating) slip families some extra food when needed. I doubt anyone at the food bank batted an eye; subterfuge wouldn’t have been necessary. I only discovered the entire thing when I asked a teacher how the “catered” lunch went, which was how the director had presented the event to parents.

  125. Nea*

    This isn’t a food story per se, but… I used to be an office admin and it was my job to order food for lunch meetings. At the time I worked at a company that is near the National Education Association.

    Look at my name.

    Yup, I had to go to the NEA to fetch the lunch Nea ordered Every. Single. Time. Their receptionist memorized my desk number.

    1. Miss Herring*

      Why didn’t you order it under your surname? Or just use a fake name for lunch orders? “Hi, this is Joan/Cynthia/Bobette, and I’d like to order three pizzas for a meeting.”

      1. Betty (the other Betty)*

        Yes. My parent’s last name is a bit complicated to say and spell. My mom orders pizza for “Smith.”

  126. Samata*

    I think I’ve told this before but we had a VP throw away everyone’s lunch before. And shrug it off like it was NO. BIG. DEAL.

    We worked in a place that paid very little and everyone in our office (literally) brought their lunch. We sent a memo out on Friday morning that anything in the fridge that was expired or not explicitly marked with a name on it would be thrown out at 3:00 (we were getting ready to go on a week-long shut down & last lunch break was 1 – 2). We were slow because of the upcoming holiday and VP was bored so she decided to clean the fridge out early, at 10:00 a.m.. She threw away about 10 bags filled with various tupperware containers and lunches for that day in addition to every single thing in the fridge, labeled or not.

    Someone tactfully let her know what she did and suggested to run to the neighboring Little Caesars atget a few of those $5 pizzas for the staff since their lunches and other items were thrown away with no real warning and that some things (like creamer) people labeled and left long term.

    Her response? “It’s not up to us to make up for their lack of good money management.” If I remember right 2-3 of us who were a little higher on the org chart chipped in $10 each and bought some pizzas for the rest of them.

    1. Pithy Moniker*

      I had nearly the same thing happen. Someone decided that the fridge was a mess (it was better than any other place I’ve ever worked), so she threw everything out right then and there. At 10 AM. My company was wise enough to buy lunch that day.

    2. Lemon Zinger*

      The same thing happened in my office! A manager threw away all the food in the fridge before the appointed time (not that everyone was even aware…). I was very angry when I realized that she’d thrown away my lunch. She showed no remorse and I went hungry that day. So stupid.

      1. Liz*

        It happened at my call center job. One of the Saturday day people was something of a neat freak, and took it upon herself to clean out the office fridge. Usually, someone would send out warning a few days in advance. One Thursday, I walked in and discovered that the black bean chili I’d put in the fridge the night before was in the trash. I was also a full-time student, without much time or money. Fortunately, the McDonald’s next door had a dollar menu.

    3. Jennifer Thneed*

      Somethign like this happened at a workplace one time. We had a floor admin who was mercurial – sometimes charming, sometimes less so – and I always got along with him and treated him like the peer he was until the day he threw out my lunchbag. Not a paper bag, but an insulated one made of canvas. (Which I lost on transit yesterday and I am sad. That puppy was with me for years.) And there were probably containers in there, too.

      I was in the kitchen moments later, saw my lunch bag on top of the trash, and rescued it. And then asked him about it the next time he walked by. And oh boy, did he ever blow it and there was someone else with me to see it too.

      He got all snippety about how this happens every month, always after 2pm on a Friday, and everyone should just know about it. Okay, say I, but would an email reminder be so hard? Or a note on the fridge? To which he replied that EVERYONE got told about this during their first week, so they should know! But I had started only 2-3 months before and he was the person who took me around my first day, and he said nothing about it. And I told him so. He had the grace to mumble an acknowledgement, so there was that.

      I mean, honestly. Say it was a mistake. Say your clock was fast. Say your cold medicine is making you stupid. I will let you save face! I’ll even help! But stop saying that EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW something when the outcome of them not remembering is that you throw away things that cost money (and can’t even rot).

    4. SongBird*

      Oh man, this would make me start complaining at her loudly. I bring my lunch in special, fancy personal boxes (cute bento boxes, if you’re wondering) and keep them in a labeled cloth bag in the lunch fridge. If someone threw that out, I’d be fishing it out of the trash bin and complaining to her boss.

      NOT COOL, VP, not cool at all.

    5. Wired Wolf*

      There used to be a big sign on our breakroom fridge that anything without a name on it got thrown out on Friday mornings…that vanished around the time the head housekeeper decided that the only task his team was responsible for was cleaning out on the salesfloor. Now it appears that the dishwashers/bussers are on fridge duty, and they seem to just toss whatever they feel like (I’ve had stuff vanish from my clearly marked lunch bag).

  127. Pickles*

    I’m good at baking, and tend to stress-bake to relieve tension. The more stressed out I am, the fancier it gets – croissants with homemade puff pastry that takes multiple days to make properly, that sort of thing. So people will try intentionally stressing me out so I’ll bake more, though I’m told I have a good death glare. What’s more annoying is that spouse and I work for the same organization, so when his unit has a potluck, I’m automatically signed up (by his unit – I wouldn’t mind if he did it). Around the holidays, it turns into making different items for his unit, his grand-unit, my unit, my grand-unit, which are all (of course) on separate days, with separate requirements.

    2. Canadian J*

      What if you suddenly couldn’t bake for the potlucks anymore (for whatever reason you wanted, or for no reason at all)?

      “Sorry, I’m not able to do that anymore.”
      “What? Why?”
      “I’m not able to do that anymore.”
      “But your name is up there, for a cake!”
      “I didn’t put my name there, and I’m not able to do that anymore.”
      “But… but…”
      “I’m not able to do that anymore.”

      Oh, and scratch your name off of any potluck list that you don’t want to bake for. You shouldn’t feel pressured to bake for anyone you don’t want to bake for.

    4. Pickles*

      They’re already seeing pushback! About a year ago, I moved into a high-stress, long hours, no backup type of position. It’s got a ton of freedom, which is awesome, but baking goes by the wayside except for special occasions now. So when I do, I go all out – and I make it work for me. Since my “unit” is entirely artificial and I’m realistically a team of one, I use baked goods to bribe people when I need favors. Works amazingly well!

      Really, it’s the expectation and entitlement that annoys me. I do love baking. But I love it less after a 11 hour day followed by homework for two night classes. Those days, I love sleep more.

      1. Pickles*

        Hmm, also I hate the expectation I will bake for a unit I don’t know or really work with, when I won’t have time to attend. That’s my unit. Spouse’s is filled with lovely people. They just all love sugar and I got them used to free treats regularly. The grandunits put the pressure on but it’s easy to sneak by in larger crowds.

  128. urban teacher*

    At the school of hell, where I taught nonverbal students with severe disabilities, the parapros were known to be very food centric. but not hard workers. I saw it in action during a Special Olympics bowling trip when they refused to bring food for the students (too much work to carry pureed food in containers) but lined up immediately at the restaurant counter.

    1. Liz*

      I’m a home health nurse. One of my clients was a high school student with profound disabilities, and I went to school with him. He was in a regional program for high school students with disabilities, everything from students with mild autism to profound intellectual disabilities (essentially infants in teenage bodies).

      The program went on a lot of outings. It’s interesting to see how the community at large responded to a large group of adults with disabled teens. One outing was swimming at a semi-fancy local gym. When we got there, a table of snacks and fruit was set up in the lobby. The person at the desk said “the snacks are for members only”, even though we were paying guests, and I didn’t see them tell anyone else that.

  129. LSP*

    A few years back at OldJob, we threw a baby shower for a friend/co-worker of mine with Celiac. I have another friend who bakes semi-professionally, and specializes in bakes good for people with different food restrictions. Work-friend LOVED Reeses Pieces, so I asked Baker-Friend to make a gluten-free, chocolate cake with peanut butter buttercream filling. It was outstanding! Super moist and delicious!

    She made it look like a toy block, so it was a cube.

    Towards the end of the party, I walked past the desk of someone who barely knew Work-Friend, and just showed up for the free food. She was sitting at her desk with an enormous piece of the cake on her plate, complaining that the shape of the cake made it so the pieces were too big. Umm… No one said you had to take a big ol’ corner of the cake. Yes, because it’s tall, you should take a skinnier slice. Because… basic geometry…

    2. Lemon Zinger*

      I’m gluten-free and that cake sounds magnificent! Love that your coworker couldn’t figure out how to make a smaller piece… lol!

  130. RabbitRabbit*

    Our Big Boss has an issue about office food. We moved office spaces, are expanding our staff size, but had a *smaller* fridge ordered for our new space. In what world does that make sense? We also can’t leave any food out, even in the kitchenette – say if someone brings in treats for the office, they can’t be on the counter to be up for grabs. This is an office that frequently hosts lunch meetings (with provided food), has cake for every event possible and orders too-large cakes (why? if no one even eats half of it, why do we keep ordering big cakes?), but immediately after the meeting we have to try to cram any leftovers into the too-small fridge.

  131. Fantasma*

    During one Thanksgiving potluck for all of us working the holiday, a friend warned me to make sure I got in line in front of a particular woman (let’s call her Dolores). Once the food was set up, we all headed over to the conference room and I managed to dash immediately in front of Dolores. We start going around the table serving ourselves and I looked back and she’s got her hands in the salad picking out all the mushrooms. She poked and prodded several other dishes in the line and I was never so thankful I was in front of her since there were no other food options open nearby. The people behind her looked disgusted but resigned to the fact that they either wouldn’t get any of the dishes she stuck her hands in or would have to take their chances.

  132. Detective Amy Santiago*

    At OldJob, we had a lot of potlucks. One guy who was on my team for several years would always bring in prepared foods from the local grocery store – chicken tenders and mozzarella sticks, that kind of thing. Which would have been fine, except for the fact that he would always heat them in their plastic, non-microwaveable containers which would melt. We were always afraid to eat the food for fear of plastic toxins leaching into it!

    My favorites were taco bars and dip days.

  133. Salesmans_wife*

    My husband is a salesman who goes to many workplaces in the course of his job. He told me of a boss who brought in doughnuts for his staff, but with a single bite out of each and every doughnut. Because it showed that he was the boss, I guess.

    1. Turtlewings*

      Next time he should try just peeing directly on the employees, that would make the point much more succinctly.

  134. Existential Commentator*

    I have a theory that the way people behave around food directly correlates to morale at the workplace/setting. At my prior workplace (small college at large university) the food situation had devolved to the point where an hour at the weekly “communications” meeting would be taken up by it.

    Our office was flat out told by students that they would NOT come to our events if we did not have free food at lunch. Students would regularly walk into events, load up their plates, and walk straight out. Staff were almost worse – one of the DEANs would roam around at lunch each day, piling up his plate with free food from various events and walking out, bragging about how much money he saved. Everyone else followed suit, descending on food before a “free food in [x]” e-mail went out. Once we were hosting State Supreme Court Judges, and one who came late didn’t have anything for lunch because it had been scavenged… oooof course, e-mails were sent generally reminding people how to behave with the food. When we directly asked why the offenders weren’t told their behavior was unacceptable, people would say, “well, we can’t talk to them…”

    Now, I am at a much less dysfunctional workplace, and we have NONE of these problems.

  135. stitchinthyme*

    Not exactly weird, I guess, but my company has had to send out more than one email to the staff telling them that the free food and drinks (mostly soda, chips, candy, powdered soups, that kind of thing) are to be consumed in the office and not taken home. Apparently they’d stock up and find that an entire case of something was gone after the first day. We only have 40 people total, so it’s unlikely that that much of something would get eaten in the office that quickly.

    Seems to me like this is not something they should have to spell out, but apparently, for some people, it is. (And this is not a place where the pay is hourly or at all miserly. We get paid more than well enough to buy our own food for home.)

  136. HatesPotlucksSoMuch*

    My boss and his wife love, love, love their dogs. The wife made cookies for the office one year. Visible dog hair in the cookies. So gross.

  137. Bored IT Guy*

    One night, working the 11am-8pm shift, someone (“Glinda”) brought in a package of (generic, store-bought) sugar cookies, and shared them with everyone. There were some left, so when I had the 6am-3pm shift, I put out the cookies.

    Apparently, that wasn’t supposed to happen. When Glinda came in, and saw that they had been put out, she sent an email to all 4 of us that had worked the Late shift the night before, and then the early shift, saying “Those were my cookies. You weren’t supposed to share them with the MORNING people.”

    So, not wanting to cause trouble, the next day, I bring in another package of the same cookies, put them on her desk, and send an email apologizing for mistakenly believing that the cookies that had been shared at one point were apparently not being shared any longer. Never heard from her, no “Thanks for the replacement cookies”, no “Apology accepted”, nothing.

    (the other co-workers all agreed with me that what I had done should have been a sufficient apology, that Glinda was just not a nice person, and the incident forever became known as “cookie-gate”, to be mentioned to new hires, and whenever someone brought in cookies in the future, they made sure to say that they were for everyone, not just the AM or just the PM people)

  138. BigSigh*

    Two weeks ago!!!!

    We were having a catered lunch for our very small office. Office manager (50s, male) decided to order somewhere different than usual. He chose Potbelly’s specifically because a good portion of the office always heads over to the nearest brick and mortar store to buy the cookies.

    Day of the catered lunch, we all gather to grab a sandwich and cookie and, lo and behold, no cookies. Out of concern for an incorrect order (and sadness) one person (20s, female) asks the office manager, “Oh there’s no cookies. Were there supposed to be cookies or….?”

    And he says, “I hid them because everyone should eat the sandwich first.”

    Woman says, “What are you, our mom? Can’t we eat in whatever order we please?”

    Cue long-winded rate about how the catered lunch, ordered for a meeting during normal lunch hours, was a “GIFT” and we should just be grateful and not question anything.

    Then once his favorite office people finished their sandwiches, he presented the box of cookies to them for first choice while continuing to hid it from the others he didn’t like.

  139. keeping-it-anonymous*

    So, I’m, ah, the source of this story. *ahem*. I sat next to a Polish guy, and one day he was grumbling about how his butcher didn’t stock liver anymore (hey, don’t judge, food is what you grow up with). As it happens I’d just bought 1/16th of a cow (yes, this is a thing, and yes, that’s a lot of meat). Which included the liver. So I helpfully said “hey, I’ve got one, want it?” Anyway, this meat was all frozen and wrapped in butchers paper. So I bring it in, plus some other meat as a gift, and according to ME (And I’m sticking to this) at this point ownership gets transferred, and, ah, the meat all ends up in the fridge (not freezer). And defrosts. Turns out this butcher paper isn’t waterproof, so we come in the next morning to an EXTREMELY frosty email from the floor admin along the lines of “whoever left the raw meat in the fridge it put blood EVERYWHERE”. The worst part was my extremely lovely vegan co-worker (seriously, he was the least political vegan I’ve ever met), had his vegan lunch directly beneath it. Which go soaked in blood. Um.

    2. Amber Rose*

      Oh no! That’s both terrible and hilariously ironic.
      I have also made the mistake of thinking butcher’s paper is water proof. Fortunately (I guess) the only fridge I made a mess of was mine.

      This is also probably why, from a young age, my mom taught me to store raw meat on the very bottom shelf of the fridge.

  140. ParadeRainedOut*

    Many years ago I had a boss who believed strongly in building employee morale with food and gifts. Some days, she would just decide to buy lunch for the whole staff on a whim. Every week, she would buy fresh flowers for each office in the building. But her most beloved quirk was that every two weeks or so, she’d send a staff member to a local chocolatier to purchase box upon box of handmade chocolates with fruit or creme fillings. She would send a box or two around for people to enjoy, but the rest would stay in her office. She would put out a new box each day, and people would stop in to grab a piece of chocolate. I suppose it was her way of keeping in touch with all the staff members.

    Every once in a while, you’d get a piece of chocolate that tasted a little off. I didn’t think too much about it, until one day I broke a piece of chocolate in half before eating it. It was filled with green mold. These handmade chocolates that she would keep in her office for weeks at a time were meant to be refrigerated!

    On the upside, I lost twenty pounds after that, because every time I wanted a snack, I would just think about the fact that, an unknown number of times, I’d eaten fuzzy green mold inside my chocolate. I’d lose my appetite. On the downside, it turned out that every time she sent someone to the chocolatier, she was spending $300 – $400 on this! Needless to say, she eventually was fired for financial mismanagement.

    1. SS Express*

      In her defence, most of those fancy handmade chocolates actually aren’t meant to be refrigerated. Pretty sure you’re also supposed to consume them within a few days though. Gross.

  141. Sasha*

    At OldJob, we had a 2-day training once and food was ordered for breakfast, lunch, morning and afternoon breaks for everyone on both day. On the first day, one guy put nearly half of the breakfast food into a large cardboard box he brought with him, went to find a seat and stored the box underneath his chair. He took a little something off the box every 5-7 minutes during the entire morning, not to mention he ate more than half the danishes served during morning break. At lunch time, my supervisor stopped the guy as soon as she saw him walking towards the food with his box, ready to stash. He was deeply offended and pouted for the entire afternoon. On the second day, he didn’t come with his box. Unfortunately. When the breakfast food arrived, he ran to the table and stashed bread rolls, sandwiches, tacos, fruit and even yogurt tubs in his pockets, socks, sleeves and even in his trousers. He was keeping one hand just above his crotch to hold onto whatever he stuffed below his belt.

      1. Sasha*

        Nope.
        He left a couple months later though, saying he was tired of working with people who were not appreciative of his countless talents and skills.
        I guess stuffing his pants with food was too much of a rare skill for us philistines to even notice.

  142. Jenny from the Block*

    At oldjob they had a “party” for a really well-liked woman who was unceremoniously fired that day, which included 1 small green matcha cake and a small box of miniature cookies. They set them up on a table outside the door to a conference room. People came up expecting a whole set up and then just stood there trying to figure if they were allowed to eat the sweets while the woman cried at her desk.
    Of course this was in the middle of an exodus of mass proportion and that was the last going away party the place ever saw until one of the facilities guys quit and brought in his own bottle of Scotch to have a goodbye party with whoever came by toward the end of his last day.

  143. Kimberlina*

    I noticed that people usually avoided a very nice and well-intentioned (yet very, very odd) coworker’s dishes at potlucks. I found out later that she had once brought in brownies containing breastmilk.

    3. Turtlewings*

      For one of my childhood birthdays (7, 8?) my mother made a red velvet cake. We all dug in, only to gradually realize it tasted a bit odd. My older sister finally put her finger on it — it tasted like formula, or at least the way formula smells. My mom laughed it off, saying we could probably just smell the formula she was giving the baby while we ate. Only YEARS later — almost two decades — did she finally admit that she’d run out of milk while mixing up my cake, and substituted formula, hoping we wouldn’t notice a difference.

    4. Havarti*

      I once took a brownie that had, I dunno, raisins or prunes or something. It was so weird I spat out the mouthful at my desk and threw the rest away. Later a coworker came by and said “Don’t eat the brownies. They were made by the person who never washes their hands in the bathroom.” I made a D: face at that. Yuck! At least I didn’t swallow.

  144. ALP123*

    On my last day at THE WORST internship, the CEO’s dog got into my purse (which was on my desk) and ate my lunch. Came back to little bits of pizza all of the floor.

  145. Liz*

    I used to work in a call center for a food delivery service. The drivers and dispatchers were pretty evenly split between Turkish Muslims and Brazilian Christians. Potlucks could be interesting. For one, a Brazilian dispatcher brought in potato salad with ham, which the Muslims couldn’t eat.

    I rode the bus to work, so participating in potlucks was difficult logistically. Once someone called me out, in e-mail, for “just bringing Triscuits.” I guess he missed the 3 kinds of cheese I also brought in. After that, I brought in cheese and crackers for every single potluck.

    My husband rides the bus to work. His job has picnics 2 or 3 times a year. He brings ketchup, mustard, napkins, and utensils. It goes over really well.

  146. Ramona Flowers*

    In a previous job we were dragged to a very expensive restaurant for a leaving meal for someone quite senior. I was in my second job after university, on a low salary in a high-COL area and could not afford anything on the menu. We were assured a manager would be along with a corporate credit card. I refused to order until that happened but eventually cracked and bought the most expensive plate of tiny sandwiches I’ve ever had the misfortune to eat. Nobody ever did show with a card.

  147. Snickerdoodle*

    Several years ago, there was a potluck at my job where several people got food poisoning. A few people even had to go to the hospital because they got so dehydrated from all the vomiting/diarrhea. To this day, there are people who will not eat anything at the potlucks.

    At my last job, we had a guy who would bring in his leftovers–often at least several days old and usually gross even if fresh–for us all to share. He wouldn’t ever take home food that nobody ate; he insisted it had to sit in the fridge till it was gone. Then of course it would mold, and he’d get mad at me for tossing it (it was my responsibility to clean the kitchen), so instead I’d just throw away a little at a time so it looked like people had been eating it.

  148. Spcepickle*

    On Monday an unwrapped frozen block of fish fillets appeared in our communal freezer. It is solid block about the size of a ream of paper, and not in any type of packaging.

  149. puzzld*

    We used to have a person who’d invite one of us for lunch. I think she got everyone who works here at least once. She’d ask you to drive as it wasn’t easy for her. (yeah she’d have lost her parking place, a treasure above price around here) then you’d get to the eatery of her choice and she’d mention she had a coupon for x. It’s two for one, she’d say. Then, after you ate and the check came, she’d hand the waitstaff her coupon, point to her “guest” — she gets the check! and scamper to the restroom, while you paid and got the tip whereupon she’d meet you at your car so you could chauffeur her back to work, drop her at the door and then hunt for a place to park.

    If a group of us ordered pizza in and figured two slices for each of us, she’d spend the meal trolling… “going to eat your extra slice?”

    And she never did understand why we quit ordering pizza and stopped accepting her lunch invites. We didn’t do pot lucks by the time I started (I wonder why?) but we used to do a cookie/treat thing for the student workers just before winter break. All the full time staff would bring goodies, enough for our 10-15 students and usually an extra bit to be shared amongst the staff. Store bought was fine. She’d bring some stale Halloween snacks sized bars. (One for each student) and help herself to the staff trays with gusto. I still see her sometimes at the after holiday candy sales. Sometimes she invites me to lunch. I’m always otherwise engaged.

  150. LGreg*

    This is the same boss twho threatened to bomb my daycare with my newborn daughter inside so I could get back to concentrating on work. He would always take leftovers home and once we decided to eat them out of the communal fridge later that afternoon. He screamed at us for about a half an hour that we were taking food off his childrens’ plates. He was such a cheapskate he used to throw parties with whatever he had in the house. He once grilled hamburgers for 12 of us but he only had three hot dog buns to eat them on and a half a bag of chips as the side. We would have gladly brought potluck dishes to share but he insisted that if he invited us he provided the food. We quit going after awhile or we ate elsewhere before arriving. I guess taking the leftovers home to his kids was a way to feed them cheaply.

    2. RabbitRabbit*

      > This is the same boss twho threatened to bomb my daycare with my newborn daughter inside so I could get back
      > to concentrating on work.

      Uh… wow.

  151. Temporarily Anonymous*

    I’ve told this story before but it was the most bizarre food-related workplace situation I’ve ever run across personally.

    Several years ago I started working for a very conservative insurance company and discovered that we were forbidden to have a microwave to heat up our packed lunches. There was a fridge and kettle. You may think it was due to lack of space or some other sensible reason, but no. A former employee of the company had retired and opened a cafeteria on the forst floor of our building. According to coworkers who were there at the time, the employees once brought in a microwave only to have this former employee break down into a tear-filled tantrum because the presence of a microwave would drive her out of business. And so the microwave was forbidden. Did I mention this was in a place where we have very long cold winters and so we had to eat only cold packed lunches all winter? (This may have been a factor in my fairly swift resumption of job searching)

  152. Chemnut*

    At one time I was a participant in a group at my university, meeting with off-campus dignitaries. At the monthly luncheon meetings we were always served a plate containing a tomato stuffed with some unidentified salad (tuna? chicken? crab), flanked by half a ham sandwich and half a cream cheese-on-raisin bread sandwich. I keep kosher and asked whether I could be served something else, but was told that the catering service had to bring the same for everyone. Finally I got tired of skipping lunch and brought a bag lunch with cheese, home-made bread, fruit. Everyone around me said they wished they could have the same. The next month, the VP’s assistant phoned to ask me what I’d like them to order for me.

    1. keeping-it-anonymous*

      Heh. To credit of all my employers, they have always provided Kosher food (though, being in NYC not doing so would mean excluding a very large number of the employees, not to mention the Halal folks who are usually ok with Kosher). And it’s always amazed me how many events I’ve been to where the Kosher food is obviously better than the non Kosher.

  153. TrueDat*

    Over 30 years ago, I worked at a hotel/casino that had a separate area for kids. Kids could hang out upstairs, playing carnival & video games while parents gambled downstairs.

    I invited a coworker to go to the pizza place (in the hotel, near our work area) for lunch. He declined – he was busy.

    2 hours later, he came up to me smiling ear to ear & thanked me for saving him 2 pieces of pizza. He had found it wrapped in foil, sitting atop his (not secured & out in the public area) work cabinet.

    I told him that I had not brought any leftovers back for him. After realizing that he had eaten a stranger’s leftovers, he beat a hasty path to the restroom to rid himself of said (stranger’s) leftovers.

    1. michelenyc*

      This reminds of when I worked retail and found a soda sitting on top of a rounder. I went into the back and it UPS had just delivered so I couldn’t get close to the garbage can so I asked the stock guy who was a friend if he could throw it away for me since I couldn’t get close enough. He thought it was mine and took a big drink of it before throwing it out. When I told him it wasn’t mine and where I had found it. I have never seen someone run so fast for the bathroom.

      1. Bleeborp*

        I’m really shocked that people have such an extreme reaction- are people forcing themselves to puke because they accidentally ate something not from a person they know? With the pizza, unless it was bitten up, was likely just touched by the stranger’s hands which is kind of gross but they were eating with those hands, so they likely weren’t covered in toxic waste or anything. And a single swig of soda? I’m always surprised how germaphobic people can be!

        1. Struck by Lightning*

          I don’t think it’s about germs as much as food poisoning. For example, who knows how long that pizza had been sitting there?

  154. Salty Picasso*

    I worked at an art gallery for several years. One of the consultants, Barney, was really weird about food. If there was food within reach, whether or not it was his, he would eat it. It was like some sort of bizarre compulsive behavior.

    One day, I was toasting a bagel for myself. I had just taken it out of the toaster oven and spread butter on it, when one of my coworkers called me for something. I left the kitchen for five minutes, came back and Barney was standing by the coffeemaker and there was a bite taken out of my bagel. So I turned to Barney and asked, “Barney, did you take a bite of out my bagel??” Barney got flustered and said he thought it was for everyone. I was incredulous. So I said no, it was clearly MY bagel and who leaves out just one bagel for everybody? Barney muttered an apology without making eye contact.

    And then I got called away again. So I left, came back and there was ANOTHER bite taken from my bagel. I knew it was Barney. And I knew he wasn’t trying to be spiteful, he just could not resist the urge to consume unguarded food in his presence. But I was angry so I took a salt shaker and dumped the entire contents of the salt shaker onto my bagel and walked away. I thought that there was no way that anyone would eat the bagel in that state, and I was wrong. Barney ate the whole thing.

    We had to keep all of the office supplies and office coffee under lock and key because if we didn’t, Barney would just steal it all. Keep in mind that Barney probably made around $500,000 annually from art sales, and he was an Evangelical Christian. You meet some strange people in the art world.

    1. Turtlewings*

      Good gosh. That would absolutely drive me up the wall, but I do also feel sorry for the guy. There’s got to be some very deep mental weirdness behind that.

  155. Jules the Third*

    Well, I was the co-worker with stinky food that had to be told – I really didn’t mind my raw broccoli, but others did. They were nice and straightforward, I was apologetic and dropped broccoli from my lunches.

    Also, I once had a time-limited job with an online game company – I’d already been accepted for grad school and was leaving in August. They asked what I wanted for a going-away party when I left. I seriously told a friend who also worked there that I’d never had a pie in the face, and this seemed like a time and place that would enjoy it. Three weeks later, they called me in for an exit interview in the kitchen (my first exit interview, I didn’t know any better!), and after a few minutes, the friend snuck up behind me with the pie.

    There’s pics out there somewhere, I thought it was *hilarious*. The HR person said later that they’d had to ask several people if they thought I was serious, and all of them agreed that I probably was. The quirk, it shows.

      1. Karo*

        My boss used to come into my (shared) office to eat her tuna during lunch while talking to my co-worker. Then she’d throw the empty tuna can out in my trash. On occasion she’d eat a banana in the morning and put the peel in my trash.

        She didn’t like me much.

    2. Trig*

      Wait. Broccoli… smells? I.. what?! Do I just not have some kind of scent receptor for it or something?

      1. minuteye*

        Apparently there’s a chemical in broccoli that makes it taste bitter, but only some people are able to taste it. I’ve never noticed broccoli to have a strong smell, so maybe it’s this mysterious chemical too?

    3. BlueWolf*

      Does raw broccoli smell? I would say cooked broccoli, yes, but I don’t really recall raw broccoli having a strong odor.

      1. Kat from NJ via CA*

        Yeah raw vegetables don’t smell like much of anything to me. Cooked broccoli isn’t particularly strong-smelling either, unless it’s a couple of days old (them it gets gross pretty fast). This thread is the first time I’ve ever heard of people finding broccoli offensive.

      2. Arya Snark*

        It has a funk once it’s been chewed and starts to break down. We don’t notice it when we eat it because our nose cancels it out but others can smell it.

      3. Jules the Third*

        Raw broccoli that’s five days old and has been in an insulated bag for 4 hours has warmed up a little. Not enough to be dangerous but enough to start outgassing. I was used to it, didn’t realize how far it spread.

  156. Manager-at-Large*

    I understand it the comment about fudge and nuts.
    My thinking was the peanut butter must have been in the chocolate part of the fudge. Normally when you make fudge, you either add nuts (like chopped walnuts) or you don’t and this is commonly referred to as with nuts or without nuts. An off the cuff answer to “does this have nuts” would understandably be “no” as in “this isn’t that kind of fudge”.

    I think if you have an allergy, you need to frame a better question like “does this have peanuts, peanut butter – anything like that?” – after all, a misunderstanding can kill you or cause serious harm.

    1. a1*

      I don’t know. It tends to reason that if someone is allergic to peanuts, peanut butter would be a logical thought, too. I know if I get asked if something has nuts, I think through my ingredient list and call out anything that might be of issue, even chocolate since depending where it’s made it might be made on equipment that touches nuts. It really shouldn’t all be on the allergic person to list everything. Granted, the last one they might need to, but I’d never think to list peanuts and peanut butter separate when asking what’s in something.

    2. Jules the Third*

      As someone with egg-yolk allergies / lactose intolerant, I just don’t eat food from other people unless we’ve had the long discussion about it. For one of my friends, we have a list of her allergies on the fridge so that we can cook for her safely. She also doesn’t eat food from other people unless she’s had the long discussion.

      My experience is that a quick question, no matter how good or specific, doesn’t work unless they happen to have allergies too.

    3. a-no*

      I have the strangest severe allergy (red food coloring) and I don’t touch anything that could potentially have it in there unless it’s a friend/family and/ or someone specifically says they made sure it was fine (I can’t even eat bought donuts as they could have touched). And my brother in law is allergic to chocolate and you’d be amazed at how many times he’s had someone tell him he can have the brownies as they have no chocolate in them as they came out of a box…
      As a person with allergies, if someone asks me if there is peanuts in something – I’ll even mention if i was eating peanut anything in my kitchen within 24 hours of making them but I could see how someone would not think that way if they are without allergies.

      1. Jules the Third*

        That’s not strange, I know… three people with a red food coloring allergy (migraines, hives) off the top of my head. There’s been a lot of speculation about it over the years, as a potential reason for the ‘sugar makes kids hyperactive’ myth.

    4. BlueWolf*

      One of my coworkers is allergic to tree nuts, but since peanuts are technically a legume she is not allergic to peanuts. So the person may have been thinking that they meant tree nuts and not peanuts/peanut butter. Also, my nephew has a peanut allergy, but tree nuts are fine. I’m sure some people are allergic to both, though.

      1. Nonyme*

        I’m allergic to both peanuts and tree nuts. Fortunately, not life threatening allergies (so far) — just miserably itchy, sniffly nose, and severely upset stomach. So far, that’s been the worst of it, though I’m well aware the next time I’m exposed could be far worse.

        I once asked a coworker if her cookies had any “peanuts or tree nuts in them because I am allergic” and she replied no. I asked her what they were and she said sugar cookies. Awesome!

        Took a bite.

        … and immediately tasted the peanut butter, and spit the bite out in a wastebasket, ran to swish my mouth out, came back, and demanded to know why she’d lied to me about her cookies.

        “They have peanut butter, not peanuts in them.”

        I think I said something flabbergasted along the lines of, “Peanut butter IS peanuts.”

        “No, it’s all smushed up. People can’t be allergic to peanut butter, because it’s all smushed up.”

        “But you said they were sugar cookies!”

        “They are, with peanut butter in them! You can’t be allergic to peanut butter, it’s all smushed up!”

        … There was absolutely no convincing her that PEANUT BUTTER could be a problem to people with peanuts even when my manager backed me up and told her she was wrong. She quit the next week for a “job” that sounded a great deal like a sales rep for a pyramid scheme and we never heard from her again.

  157. YouvwantmetodoWHAT?!*

    My husband worked for a company that would give out frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving. Big ones. Except the would give them out the day before Tday. Huge, frozen turkeys, the day before T-Day.
    This went on for I can’t remember how many years, and finally they started giving them out about a week before.

    1. stitchinthyme*

      This reminds me of something that happened during my first year at my very first job out of college. One day just before Thanksgiving, my entire group was called downstairs unexpectedly, and when we got there our admin made the announcement that everyone’s names had been entered in a raffle for a smoked turkey. I turned to my coworker and whispered, “I really hope I don’t win this; what the heck am I going to do with a smoked turkey?”

      Guess who won the smoked turkey?

      (It sat in my freezer for about a month until I gave it to some elderly friends of the family. Not that I don’t like turkey, but I’m not nuts about smoked turkey.)

      1. T3k*

        Wish I’d been there, I’m not a fan of regular turkey (too many people overcook it making it dry) but I’d love to try a smoked turkey.

    2. stitchinthyme*

      I also remember being with a friend on Thanksgiving Day when her daughter-in-law called and asked how long it would take to thaw the turkey. She was not pleased to hear the correct answer.

  158. Liz*

    When I worked for a food delivery service, I did a lot of corporate catering orders. The oddest request I remember was a vegan breakfast buffet. They got oatmeal, fruit, coffee, juice, granola, soy milk, non-dairy creamer, hummus, vegan bagels, vegan margarine, and peanut butter.

      1. Arielle*

        Yeah, that sounds amazing. I’m lactose intolerant and breakfast buffets can be tough for me, especially since very rarely does anyone provide non-dairy options for coffee. I was recently at a company retreat and realized halfway through eating my plate of what I thought were plain scrambled eggs that they were made with cream. (Ew.)

  159. Boredatwork*

    Here’s my food horror story:
    I bake as a hobby and when I’m stressed. For health reasons, I cannot eat a lot of sugar, so I need somewhere to offload my excess baked goods. Typically, I do this by taking items to work and placing them in a communal break room. I don’t make a big deal out of this or even announce I’m doing it.

    At a former job, one of the men working in my company found out I was the baking fairy. He then proceeded to find my desk and badger me for food. He would make comments like “WOW! Look at all that work, you seem stressed” “I hope that means cookies!” (I tried looking annoyed and cutting off the conversation)

    Eventually, this spread to other people. My boss would suggest that I make his boss’s favorite items and bring them across the office and into the C-suite. Other people would ask to be notified when the baked goods arrived or make special requests.

    After several people became distraught, and confronted me about their demands not being met, I stopped bring in baked goods. I’d rather throw away two dozen immaculately decorated cookies than be asked to bring my boss’s boss a snack!

    At my new job, everyone is a grown up. There are several of us who enjoy baking and the kitchen pretty much always has snacks.

  160. LNLN*

    One day at work we had a sheet cake; I don’t remember why. A bunch of us were sitting in the break room and decided to each cut our own piece (rather than have someone cut up the cake for us). It was an interesting exercise. Someone who liked icing cut a corner piece, someone cut a piece with a huge rose on it, someone cut an inside piece (didn’t like icing). There were little pieces and big pieces. It was strangely satisfying to have EXACTLY the piece of cake you wanted. Not sure if it is relevant, but this was mostly a group of therapists.

    2. Kat from NJ via CA*

      This is awesome. No one has to perform the labor of trying to please everyone, and everyone gets exactly what they want without having to weirdly justify it to others.

  161. Arya Snark*

    At my OldJob, an investment firm, our Thanksgiving luncheon was a Big Deal. The company would order turkey and all the trimmings while our staff (25-50 people, depending on the year), would bring sides. We were really into it – some people would bring traditional foods from around the world (I even tried lutefisk!) but the VP of marketing went above and beyond by bringing in cases of the latest Beaujolais. We’d barely get any work done in the morning before the feasting would begin. One year, I drank quite a bit and ended up hiding out in the boardroom with several others, including the VP of the company, while we tried to sober up. Taxi vouchers were always provided and anyone who wanted one took home a bottle of wine. I’m completely out of the industry now but there is a lot I miss about those days.

  162. Bazinga*

    I was working in a factory in an engineering role and we were starting up a line after being down all day for maintenance. One of our venders brought in food for the operators and because he brought extra we called maintenance and invited them to grab some. It was nothing fancy just fast food burgers and they were all the same. One of the mechanics decided to take his time getting there and by that point most of them were taken and what was left was cold. He proceeded to have a full on melt down which ended with him yelling this is f*ing b*llsh*t and throwing a burger and fries off the wall before storming out and slamming the door. Here’s a guy who makes $35 an hour normally, working overtime at this point, and losing it over a $5 burger and fries. Place was union though so I don’t think he even got talked to about it.

  163. Nolan*

    At my last job, we’d do pot lucks every couple months. One time, one of my coworkers brought in something in a large baking pan, I can’t remember what exactly, but it was in a 9×13 or larger pan. Well, we worked in Midtown Manhattan, and he commuted in from Hoboken on the PATH/subway. So, to get this hot dish into work, he wrapped it in a couple towels, then placed it in a laundry basket and carried it in that way. We all had a good laugh over that.

    And today I got a flyer in the mail from some local real estate agent. But instead of featuring a recent listing or mentioning her credentials or accolades, it has a recipe for kale and white bean soup on it. Because that’s what really matters in real estate, I guess.

    1. PattiDE64*

      I work in real estate and recipe post cards are a popular item for real estate agents. People usually throw out spam but if it’s a recipe, they may keep it (along with the agent’s information).

  164. Malibu Stacey*

    We started a routine at my work of going in on a pizza together as a sort of a reward for Fridays when only a handful of us were in the office. One Friday one of the directors decided to treat everyone to pizza instead. My coworker went up to the admin who was placing the order and asked her to order an extra pizza for him to take to his family. (He knew the director was paying.) She laughed in face.

  165. Marian*

    At my first job out of college I was responsible for ordering the lunches for in-office meetings. Imagine my surprise when a lunch I had left on the counter, fully wrapped and clearly not up for grabs, has been broken into and had sandwiches and cookies missing (at least 3, maybe more). Enough that my direct boss skipped eating in the meeting because there wasn’t enough food. The culprit was a VP who made well over $500k a year. He had no excuse when he was confronted.

    At my current company we have had people walk off with entire (company-provided) pizzas leaving not enough food for others. EAs and receptionists now monitor the food until every one has been fed.

    Also at my current company we used to order cupcakes on Fridays during busy season. One week we had a large number left over (2-3 dozen) and they were put in the fridge to bring out the following Monday for everyone to enjoy. A junior person found them, took them and strutted around the office bragging about how he “found” all these extra cupcakes and was going to take them home. He was reprimanded

    People are weird about food.

  166. ClownBaby*

    My office has donuts every friday morning. The boxes are placed in the break room. One employee got mad that the cream-filled donuts were always gone by the time she got to the office. Two fridays ago, she came in early, grabbed all the cream-filled donuts and took them to her desk. She ate one of them and then put the rest back in the box around 9am so that “other people could get the chance to try them.” I only know this because I caught her putting them back and questioned her about it. She seemed to think it made her an office hero.

    Doughnut vigilantism…

      1. ClownBaby*

        I’ll admit…I was just a little mad because I’m one of the early cream-filled snatchers on occasion (not every week, but maybe every other!) ;) I had to settle on a jelly that day because I thought they were all gone…I would’ve held out for a cream filled had I known…

  167. Mango*

    I had a coworker accidentally eat one of my frozen lunches. No big deal, mistakes happen and our office freezer is usually full of several of the same or very similar Lean Cuisines and Amy’s meals and whatever else. She realized on her own that she’d done it, immediately apologized, and offered to replace it, and I said no hard feelings and kind of shrugged off the offer to replace it. Honestly, I usually keep three or four meals in the freezer for days when I can’t leave my desk and I probably wouldn’t have noticed it missing or would’ve assumed I already ate it and forgot.

    Only it turns out she was neurotic and the specific meal she ate has been discontinued or something. She would give me regular, weekly updates about how she’d been to several different grocery stores and couldn’t find the same meal. I kept telling her it’s not a big deal and if she really wanted to replace it she could just get an extra of whatever she got when she did her regular shopping, but it dragged on for almost two months and Lord knows how many shopping trips. Finally she just brought me cash and came to profusely apologize that she couldn’t replace it. Chill! This could all have ended for you months ago!

    Also RIP Kashi Mayan Harvest Bake.

    1. Bryce*

      I’ve been that person. Once a debt goes on my mental balance sheet, I can’t let it go until I pay it back. Fortunately I’m not nearly as fixated on stuff others owe me.

  168. Liane*

    1–Only just remembered this one thanks to AlexandrinaVictoria’s turkey post above. When I was an intern in the city water department lab, one of the operators retired and the department threw an old-fashioned retirement luncheon for him. (I think he even got the traditional watch.) They had barbecued chicken, which was really good. Until I got a piece that wasn’t just pink, but raw in the middle. I tried another piece or 2, but they were the same way. I told others there, because my job was 75% bench microbiology (plus I had been cooking since middle school) and I knew about salmonella. No one got food poisoning that I know of, thankfully, but there could have been an outbreak. And the meal was catered, done by pros, so they should have known better.

    2–Have mentioned this (In)Famous Retailer tale before. Artemis, our local Payroll/Benefits person, was told to order 3 decorated full-sheet cakes from our bakery department, one for each shift, as a treat. As usual, overnight shift had theirs the night before and each box was clearly labelled for one of the shifts. The morning after overnight had theirs, Artemis and I came in, went to the breakroom/kitchen–which was a disaster!! There were cake gobs, food, and other trash strewn all over the floor, counter, furniture. Including the remains of *All Three Cakes*! Those jerks didn’t just steal everyone else’s cakes–it looked like they tore up the cakes with their bare hands for a food fight. Artemis was furious and wanted Store Manager to discipline the team and assistant manager*, but I don’t think he ever did. Artemis and I got enough ready-made cakes from our bakery so that day and evening workers could have their treat. Fortunately, since it was early fall, Layaway was dead,so I helped her clean up.
    *Ass. Manager’s management style was 100% Your Manager Sucks & Isn’t Going To Change, so no surprise her team was comprised of a–hats.

  169. X. Trapnel*

    I used to be in corporate jobs, now I’m a farm labourer. Thank dog cows don’t do potlucks.
    A former workplace was keen on them. One of my colleagues was a militant vegan ( got nothing against vegans btw, it’s cool, your choice, just don’t go all Crusader on my sausage roll, thanks). This lady would never bring anything along, hoover up the salads the way my cows eat silage, then bitch at and lecture the rest of us for not being vegans.
    The lectures were one thing, but the scoffing of the food and NOT, NEVER EVER BRINGING ANYTHING HERSELF to contribute was a whole ‘nother matter.

    1. Fur Princess*

      OMG, you reminded me of the militant vegan at the consulting firm. Heaven forbid anyone put any meat-based food in the communal microwave. She’d come marching over to the “offender” and confront them about eating dead pig or dead cow or what have you. Just made her look like the town nutter.

      1. X. Trapnel*

        Yep. And if she’d brought along some of her vegan stuff to share, who knows, maybe it would have been tasty and nice and perhaps given some inspiration to folk curious about trying a vegan diet.
        Instead of which, rather like militant preachy religious nutters who become one man recruitment bands for the Church of Satan, this lady only made us savour our meat and dairy even more. :-(

      2. 90% Snark by weight*

        Normally I don’t care what people want to eat. If they don’t want to eat meat/sugar/whatever, more for those of us who do. Many jobs ago when I was still in academentia someone started lecturing me for what must have been literally the dozenth time about what a terrible human being I was for not being vegan like he was. I was already irritable because of some of his other annoying habits, so I told him “Vegetables are what food eats.”

        Cue epic cat-butt-face when several people couldn’t stifle their laughter.

        1. nonegiven*

          Vegetables are what food eats.”

          I’ve said that, not to a vegetarian or vegan, just in general, after I’ve picked one of 42 veggies dishes from a buffet to go with my 2 or 3 kinds of meat, deviled eggs and a couple of rolls.

      3. Pickles*

        My old office had a vegan, one with Celiac, separate fish and shellfish allergies, eggplant and onion allergies, two Muslims who ate halal (and one who didn’t want to know because he accidentally found out he liked bacon), nut allergies, one lactose intolerant, and two eating paleo. The only recipe I ever found that worked for everyone, no one liked. Not even me. (The vegan wouldn’t even try it, so maybe he was the bright one, but I’d made it having just found out why he never ate anything.) We just all labeled food really well.

        1. Zahra*

          Rice Krispies Treats. Seriously. As long as no one has rice allergies, it works. Well, maybe not for the paleo, although there are paleo marshmallow recipes out there.

        2. mscate*

          urgh i did some catering work for training events while i was trying to get more writing work. I did a vegan meal at request: lots of salads, chilli, etc. One woman was allergic to nuts, gluten, garlic, onion, vinegar and pretty much anything that typically adds flavour. It took me longer to make her lunch than anyone else’s and also meant I couldn’t severe the homemade vegan cheese I used to make (sure you can make vegetable and coconut milk based one but the nut ones are better). It was stressful.

    2. Arya Snark*

      We had a militant vegan who hated potlucks for the same reason. She was once out on vacation during one potluck and we used her empty cubicle to plug in a couple of crock pots. We cleaned up and made sure no mess was left behind.

      She threw an absolute fit when she got back because there had been meat in her cubicle.

  170. Master Bean Counter*

    I almost forgot about this story, and I don’t know how:
    The first year at a job I went to the annual company picnic. Nothing fancy, just burgers and hot dogs. Being a burger fan, a got a burger. It looked fairly well cooked on the outside. I bit in, red meat, not pink, red. Threw the burger away.
    Fast forward a year. I went to the picnic thinking surely last year was a fluke. Nope. Exact same scenario as the previous year.
    Fast forward to year three. By this time I’m a bit smarter. A grab a hot dog. New girl grabs a burger. Now I warned the new girl to skip the salmonella burgers. But she thinks they look fine and grabbed one. The burger went into the trash can after one bite.
    Year four, the company is wondering why nobody is eating the burgers and they’ve run out of hot dogs.
    Year five, they have a new person cooking the burgers and they are delicious.

  171. vck*

    I used to organize monthly cooking/baking challenges for my department. The winner of the previous contest would choose the ingredient, and then whoever wanted to compete could bring in one (or, often, more than one) dish for the tasters to vote on. One month, “booze” was the challenge ingredient, and I figured, hey, the alcohol cooks out, right?

    Everyone baked. And put the booze in the frosting.

    2. Xarcady*

      Reminds me of the time a co-worker decided to bring rum balls to a party. Most people around here use rum flavoring for food forwork events. I forgot this guy was ex-Navy.

      There was enough rum in those rum balls, which were very, very good, to send two people to sleep at their desks after the party. And they’d only had one or two each.

      1. Rainy*

        Many years ago I worked at a place where our clients felt very close to us and brought us massive amounts of food over the holidays. A very dear client brought in rum balls once and said “Careful, dears, they’re strongish”. I’ll say–each one was probably a shot!

      2. nonegiven*

        I made praline candy that called for rum flavoring. It smelled like nail polish remover to me so the next time I used real rum.

  172. QuakerBanker*

    Not sure if this counts, but….I serve as a pastor part time, and we had a potluck after church last Sunday. There were some interesting dishes. Somebody brought what I think were supposed to be cheesy scalloped potatoes, but they turned out to be raw potato slices topped with melted cheese.

    1. Artemesia*

      Every church potluck I have ever attended has the family of 6 who arrive with one small carton of grocery store potato salad and then chow down with piled plates.

  173. RedinSC*

    Ha, this is fun. They just announced the work pot luck this Friday. THey announced it on Tuesday, which makes it a bit harder to actually get something made. My job has me working all kinds of hours, so it’s not like I can actually make it to the store. My contribution might be cheese and crackers.

    Please, pot luck organizers, give more then a few days notice. But, our pot lucks are usually pretty good, a great selection of things and one guy goes all out and makes rainbow jello It’s amazing. Which I could post a picture here for you to all see. I’m hoping he had enough warning to make the jello, would be sad to not have that at the pot luck.

    1. Xarcady*

      I need a weekend to shop for and prepare food for a potluck. Announce it on Monday for Friday, and I’m not contributing. There’s just not time in my schedule to even run to the store and buy paper plates during the week.

      My department is having a holiday potluck in mid-December–we already have the date and sign-up sheets to avoid having 17 desserts and a bottle of soda.

  174. I Herd the Cats*

    The office I work at now has wonderful potlucks; there are some very good cooks here.

    The biggest office-food mishap didn’t technically happen in an office but at a fancy private club, back in the bad old 1980s. The two business owners co-hosted office party at a swanky prestige private club they belonged to. There was a lot of mid-event drama when the maitre d’ hauled two young men out of the locked men’s room for allegedly indecent acts. What those guys were actually doing in there was drugs, not anything sexual. Guess which was considered more of a problem?

  175. Mandy*

    This isn’t an official work function, but an informal thing. Everyone in our department is invited to a once a month potluck game night. We take a conference room and play board games for 2-3 hours after work and do a potluck dinner. It usually turns out really fun. Mostly it is just regulars who show up, but occasionally someone new will pop up. We do a theme for each dinner–so we’ve done tacos (someone brings shells and cheese, someone else brings guacamole and sour cream, someone else brings meat and tomatoes, etc.), soup, pasta bar, baked potato bar, sandwiches, salads etc. A couple of times we haven’t felt like prepping or bringing anything so we just all pitch in for chinese or pizza delivery. When asked to bring components the guys do, one guy will regularly make cookies as a desert. One guy whose wife joins sometimes almost always brings lemonade with different flavor syrups to make your own lemonade flavors.

    1. Viva*

      Not scandalous, but disgustingly tone-deaf and elitist.

      The main conference room was booked for an important morning meeting with external clients and the c-suite. The afternoon before, the CEO’s EA prepped the room making sure it was clean, etc.

      That morning the EA comes in and finds leftover Chinese takeout in the boardroom messily scattered on the table. She FUMED. If someone worked late and ate in the boardroom, no problem – but clean up after yourself! This was a very polite and diplomatic EA yet she was very angry and insisted on finding out who hell did this. The CAO copped to it – no apology, just a sheepish expression and you could tell she was peeved that she had to admit to it and then clean it up herself.

      1. Viva*

        Ack, sorry. I meant to post this as a separate entry, not as a response to @mandy. But mandy’s story made me smile!

  176. Hannah S*

    I work at a theme park, and every year on Thanksgiving and Christmas the company provides big turkey dinner spreads for everyone, all day, that every individual departments supplement with potluck a for sides and desserts. No matter when your break is, there is tons of food. Last year, I was scheduled for a specific Venue where people from multiple lines of business work together. This company is huge on teamwork and everyone’s role matters (Teamwork makes the Dream work!). In the Venue, the turkey spread had a note: ” Department A and E members, please take no more than two pieces of turkey. Department P, your food is back at Department E base *10 minutes away on foot* Department C, your food is in Building O.” It was just such a weird time to make department delineations. Luckily the Department E base (where my team had to go) had tons of food and no limits, so it worked out. It felt like management was saying “you’re all one team, except when it’s inconvenient for us to keep replenishing turkey regularly.”

  177. Emmie*

    My coworkers in my new position (internal transfer) invited me out for a “get to know everyone” lunch. When I got there, they told me it was actually a bridal shower for my new boss – Mila. I was a little disappointed that they led me on. I paid for my food (not surprising), but also had to chip in to cover Mila’s food. There were at least 15 other people there from another department. They were shocked that they had to pay for Mila’s food, and that my new coworkers were dividing the bill in equal parts among everyone – no matter what you ordered. Not crazy, but not ideal.

  178. Rainy*

    A university I used to be associated with had a chancellor who would take home all the leftover cookies from meetings “for her grandkids”. Fine, I guess, whatever, you make six figures and can’t buy cookies. But she got mad about the amount of the leftovers (not enough), so she started announcing at the beginning of meetings “You know, I take the leftover cookies home for my grandkids” and then giving the stinkeye to anyone who took more than one cookie.

    She also once made junior faculty sign a loyalty pledge to her personally–as in, barred them from leaving the meeting without handing her their signed piece of paper. She was a lousy chancellor.

  179. Cabinet Door Builder*

    Worked in a call center, doing customer services for a large financial institution. FI updated their website, causing major problems for customers logging in. This led to two months of 12 hour days, with breakfast, lunch, and supper catered by employer to appease employees. Nice gesture, plenty of food, but small town and we had a pizza place, Italian place, Sonic, Arbys, and Tex-Mex food. Fifteen meals a week, rotated amongst 5 places for nine weeks. Each weekend, all I wanted to do was eat salad and cook real food.

  180. chocolate lover*

    These are pretty tame compared to some of the stories.

    At a former company where all the conference rooms had glass walls, certain employees would constantly walk by any meeting that had food. Sometimes they wouldn’t even leave, they’d just lurk outside the room so they could snap up any leftovers the minute the meeting was over. In full view of the meeting participants, which included very wealthy, dignified clients. They earned the nickname “vultures.” It finally got so embarrassing, the company implemented a new policy that people were not allowed to touch any leftover food in the conference rooms, the office manager was now responsible for bringing all leftovers to the employee cafeteria, and then they could take some.

    A former colleague was a fabulous baker. She made an impressive carrot cake, which was so good, even the “chocolate or nothing” people loved it, and people often requested that cake specifically when the baker offered to make something. Our supervisor, however, did not like it at all, and started taking it personally whenever the baker brought it in. As if the baker was deliberately making the carrot cake to spite our supervisor. Unfortunately for the rest of us, the baker got so sick of listening to the manager’s complaining, she stopped making it.

  181. Peep*

    I’m just going to say my office may be bonkers and frustrating at times, but I get three or four sashimi potlucks per year. Fresh tuna caught in the Pacific — the one we just had two days ago, the boat caught 72 tuna that were 100 pounds each! We’re lucky to have amazing volunteers who feed us constantly.

  182. Anonymous Engineer*

    I work with a guy who, when out for lunch with the project team (and charging said lunch to the project) would always order one meal to eat at the restaurant and a second meal to take home.

  183. we_say_nevermore*

    I used to work at a company that had a make-your-own-smoothie potluck, and everyone who participated was asked to bring frozen fruit. Most brought store bought bags of strawberries, mango, etc., except one woman “Jane”, who brought a ziploc bag of sliced frozen bananas. She was also widely known at the office as…let’s say, eccentric.

    I quietly suggested to my teammates that no one put Jane’s bananas in their smoothies. I knew from a prior conversation with her that she currently had a dead cat in her freezer, because (her reasoning) it was wintertime and the ground was too cold to bury the cat.

  184. VermiciousKnit*

    At an Oldjob, a design firm, I was an admin assistant and in charge of maintaining the office candy dish. It was usually filled with a mix of types of M&Ms. One of my designer coworkers absolutely HATED the orange M&Ms as part of the color mix (claimed they threw off the harmony of the color composition entirely) and so would spend inordinate amounts of time picking out the orange M&Ms from the giant costco-sized bulk bags we’d buy to fill the dish. At first, he’d just throw them away, but he finally gave in to my pleading to not waste food and would toss them in a tupperware I kept at my desk. I’d give the orange ones to visiting kids or eat them myself most of the time.

    This was a pranky, silly office (one of the founder’s mottos was “Add 15% More Whimsy”), and one day after he spent over an hour picking orange M&Ms out of three new bags and grumbling about how terrible a color they were, I decided to get revenge for the poor, maligned orange ones. After he left I lined up M&Ms between the keys of his keyboard, across his monitor, tucked into his headphones, drawers, filling up his pen holder, anywhere I could get them to fit. Turned out he didn’t mind eating orange M&Ms so long as they weren’t befouling the color blend of the rest of them.

  185. anon for this*

    One of my old bosses was really weird about what he/other people would eat. He was a big meat eater, and didn’t really understand that not everyone is. Soon after we got a new round of employees, we happened to have a lunch meeting scheduled. He got us some pretty standard takeout – stir fries with beef, chicken, etc. Well, both new employees only eat halal meat, and he’d forgotten that one of his long time employees was vegetarian. The only option for them was the rice on the side and the plain, dry lettuce that had been used as garnish on a few of the appetizers (and there wasn’t very much of either). He didn’t want to take responsibility for making a bad food order, so he kept sputtering about a previous employee who preferred to eat halal but would make exceptions if there wasn’t any available. Uhhh, not the point. Not your decision and not your business.

    And then he had the nerve to tell another employee they were a bad Catholic for eating meat during Lent since he chooses to only eat fish during that time.

  186. Elder Dog*

    After my dog was hospitalized at the vet’s for more than a week, I got a large two layer sheet cake with strawberries and whipped cream between the two layers and whipped cream instead of frosting. I carefully made sure I got enough for everyone who works there to have two pieces and brought it in right before usual break time.

    When I brought my dog in for a checkup, everybody came in to greet my dog and thank me for the cake, and one person told me a receptionist only wanted the strawberries and cream and had wrecked several pieces of the cake so there wasn’t enough for the night shift. She wasn’t complaining, just trying to let me know how appreciated the gesture was.

    Next time my dog was hospitalized, I brought another cake, and also a bowl of sliced strawberries and cream with the receptionist’s name on it. Apparently that went over really really well, and great hilarity had ensued.

    When I worked for the state in a group home, residents were encouraged to ask for something special for their birthdays. One man asked for steak. One of the psychiatrists and the new house director cooked and ate all the steaks for lunch and took the leftovers home. There wasn’t money in the budget to replace the food. I caught them doing it, and lit into them. The director had the grace to apologize. The psychiatrist said he was allowed to eat anything in the fridge (which was true) and clearly didn’t care.
    He forgot I was the one who did the evaluations of our various mental health professionals and weighed in on whether to continue their contracts. We went from four psychiatrists to three, and acquired a psychologist who was amazing, and cost half what a psychiatrist did.

    There used to be a man at a financial institution I worked at who sat himself down at every catered dinner in front of the shrimp plate and ate all the shrimp. He was asked not to do that, but he claimed it was free food and he had the right to eat all he wanted of whatever he wanted, and couldn’t seem to get his head around the idea of sharing with the rest of his co-workers. He was nasty about it to the admin who ordered the food. She stopped ordering shrimp. He complained during a meeting, and the admin went round the room asking who’d eaten any shrimp at the last bash, and nobody had. She told him she wasn’t going to order food most people didn’t eat, so no shrimp. He stormed out of the meeting screaming abuse and got put on a pip for behavior by the VP attending the meeting.

    The best place I ever worked took people out for lunch with a set monetary limit per person and no alcohol.

    4. chocolate lover*

      Cheers to the admin for how she handled the shrimp conversation. And to the VP who actually did something about the guy’s behavior instead of ignoring it or letting him slide!

    5. JustaTech*

      Lord, the shrimp guy sounds exactly like a TV ad for gin a while back: guy just stands at the shrimp cocktail shoveling it down while everyone stares at him. The tag line was “you wouldn’t do it with shrimp cocktail, so don’t do it with regular cocktails, drink responsibly”.
      But I guess some people *would* do that with shrimp cocktail!

  187. nnn*

    I used to frequently get pasta from the cafeteria for lunch, then a change in dietary requirements meant that I couldn’t eat it nearly as often as I’d like.

    This one guy who worked at the cafeteria noticed that I often bought pasta, so he would very loudly greet me with “I have some pasta for you! I know you like pasta!” Then when I wasn’t able to eat it all the time, he’d get even more insistent, even when I had already chosen something else, shouting at me from across the room “You like pasta! I have pasta here!”

    I eventually had to stop going to that cafeteria because he kept shouting pasta at me like a cartoon fishmonger!

  188. Fer Fox Sake*

    Not terribly terrible, but in my paralegal days, I worked for an attorney who would leave his leftover food in his desk drawers and under his desk. Like, once in a while I would be looking for something and open a drawer to find a half-eaten sandwhich, or would drop something and as I went to pick it up, see a peice of birthday cake from an office celebration earlier in the week, just crusting over under his desk.

  189. Ginger Dalton*

    When I was in college, I had a part-time job as an accounting clerk in a local manufacturer’s office. I started work at 11:30, after my morning classes, and I would usually pick up something like a gas-station sandwich or something to eat for lunch. One day, my lunch came with a packet of mayo – the way it was made you had to squeeze on each end of the package and the mayo squirted out the middle… well I was having trouble getting it to come out, so I held it in front of my face to get a better look and see how it worked, and, not thinking, squeezed… and then squirted myself in the face with mayo. I had it all over my glasses, in my hair, etc. Just then, a coworker stopped by my cube… saw the mess… and said… “Well… did you get the raise?” I hope I don’t have to spell out what she was insinuating. (She was joking of course.) I was so embarrassed.

  190. Aud*

    I once worked in an office with an open floor plan, in the middle of the room was a table where people often would leave baked goods, or other treats to share with the office. There was on woman who about ten minutes before most people would leave for the day would take out her Tupperware and fill it up with what ever hadn’t been eaten that day. This was mostly laughed off as being a quirk of hers, and not too big of a deal as she did wait till the end of the day, and it was stuff that would be stale by the next morning if left out.

    Unfortunately it started to escalate, she was taking more stuff earlier in the day. It got to the point that people who brought food in would bring it around to peoples desks before putting it on the table to be sure everyone had a chance to have some before, Tupperware lady got there.

    People finally stopped putting stuff out at all after someone had brought in a box of specialty tea bags from a trip to share. At the end of the day she took all the “left over” tea bags. When confronted by it she was clueless as why it was any different than taking the left over donuts.

    She had a lot of strange issues around food in general though. One of the other staff said that they believed it came from her growing up very poor in a country that had some severe rationing during WWII. Most people were sympathetic but eventually the free treats were a lot fewer and farther between.

  191. Aiani*

    I worked as a security officer and once night shift supervisor decided to get pizza for everyone on shift. She got one or two pizzas for each area depending on how many people worked in that particular area. There was an officer, Alan Gray, working in a building by himself covering half a shift and then he would be relieved by, Pete Black, for the second half of the shift.

    The supervisor left one large pizza with Alan, thinking that one large pizza should be plenty for two people. Later she called Pete and asked him if he had gotten some pizza. He said there was no pizza because turns out Alan ate the whole pizza.

    Later I talked to the one of the people who works with Alan more regularly and she told me that everyone had learned that whenever there was food available you had to tell him how much he could eat. If there was a package of cookies you told him he could eat two or he would eat the whole package.

  192. Amy*

    One office I worked at had about 10 people. One lady was leaving, boss asked me to order some food for her last day/ going away luncheon, his treat. She told me she would love some pizza. I asked her if she was sure since we’d all eaten pizza together just a couple weeks ago. She insisted, so I told everyone I was ordering pizza, all of a sudden everyone wants different toppings, even though everyone previously seemed fine with pepperoni (I guess when they were paying). Boss told me to order 5 different pizzas just to cover everyone- especially the one lady who insisted (pitched a fit) she only ate white pizza, no sauce. (Again, since when? I saw you eat pepperoni pizza not 2 weeks ago). Pizzas come, white pizza lady proceeds to eat 1 piece of white pizza and scarf down 4 pieces of sauced, pepperoni pizza. We offered ALL the leftovers to the lady that was leaving (to take home to her 17 grandchildren, 4 of whom lived with her) and white pizza lady pitches another fit about her 2 starving children at home. (She, btw, ate out nearly every day and never had left overs, and made twice what the lady leaving made salary wise).

    One passive aggressive boss I worked for insisted on bringing the cake to any gatherings. Any time there was a birthday, going away, baby shower, etc., he brought the cake. Nice right? Except it was German Chocolate cake- Every. Single. Time. His favorite. Never mind that a couple people have known allergies to nuts or the pregnant employee that couldn’t stand the smell of coconut during her pregnancy (among other smells). We tried getting him to do something different, no dice. Our admin even tried adding a pie to the mix one time (for those with allergies and for more food all around). He publicly admonished her. I guess he wanted to make sure that he always got his favorite. At least he brought some for his own birthday.

    Last place I worked got it right, I think. Each person was responsible for bringing in treats for their own birthday. This way it ensured everyone brought something throughout the year, or you could opt out (although no one did). And you also got exactly what you liked/ wanted.

  193. Gadfly*

    I worked a graveyards shift at a call center. A coworker had gone to lunch around 3am and gotten a huge burrito from this nearby 24/7 Mexican fast-ish food drive through place that was the only thing open in miles at that time (tangent–I miss their carne asada fries.) She ate half and put the rest in the fridge to eat at 7 or 8 when she got her break (she was pulling an extra half shift.) When she went back to it, someone had cut off the end (a 1/4″-1/2″ of it only) where it was eaten and taken the rest of it.
    There were only about 5 of us on graveyards, and two had left before they could do it (their shift ended about the time of her lunch.) It wasn’t me and I don’t think it was our other co-worker. The day shift was just coming in. So someone just coming in came in early to raid the refrigerator.

  194. Diana M*

    I had a supervisor who once flossed her teeth while leaning on the ledge of my cubicle. That’s… sort of food related.

  195. Clever Name*

    I don’t know if this qualifies as a mishap per se, but it was definitely weird, and I’m still annoyed about it. Our former receptionist was a very loud person. And she was, shall we say, not subtle about anything. I normally eat leftovers for lunch at work, and I normally heat them in the office microwave. I don’t bring fish or other known “smelly food” culprits. I’ve done this in every job in my over 10-year-career, and not once have I gotten a complaint. So anyway, I heat up my lunch and sit down at my desk to eat it. A minute or so later, the receptionist flies into my office talking loudly how the kitchen smells so bad and wondered loudly what the source could be. I looked at my lunch and shrugged and said, “Well, I just heated up my lunch, so maybe it’s me”. She looked me straight in the eye and said very loudly, “Well it smells _awful_” My office mate told me he didn’t smell anything and moments later, another coworker stuck her head in my office and asked what that was about and said she didn’t smell anything at all and the whole exchange struck her as very weird. So yeah, I didn’t exactly like the receptionist before that incident, and it certainly didn’t change my mind about her. I’m still annoyed about it, years later.

    1. Pickles*

      I just had this happen!
      “What is that terrible smell?”
      “Red beans and rice. Homemade.”
      “Oh, well that’s okay then.”
      Whaaa…? It wasn’t even strong smelling – the microwave is kept distant for that reason. The lid was on still. Nor did the person commenting work in that office space.

      1. Data analyst*

        I used to regularly make a red bean/tomato/pepper stew which I heated up in the microwave, then topped with cheddar cheese. A coworker complained about its horrible smell when I carried it past him on the way back to my desk. No one else ever complained about it, so I think it was just his personal aversion. I just made sure after that to take a different route from the kitchen to my desk on days I brought that for lunch, so that I didn’t pass through his work area.

  196. Irene Adler*

    True story: A disgruntled lab tech put acrylamide powder into the coffee pot of the company president and chairman of the board. Unfortunately the chairman’s exec assistant had the first cup. The exec assistant and the chairman of the board were hospitalized.

    (acrylamide is a neurotoxin in liquid state; if left as a solid or powder, it is safe to handle)

    Turns out, this was the third time the coffee had been spiked with acrylamide.

    https://www.upi.com/Archives/1983/03/16/San-Diego-police-said-Wednesday-they-suspect-a-former/5342416638800/

  197. Free Meerkats*

    The absolute best food-related disaster happened not to me or in my workplace, but one of Dad’s coworkers at his workplace. He worked for an airline and at the time we lived in Phoenix. So working a holiday was common, this one was on Thanksgiving in the early 70s.

    Since we lived in Phoenix, snowbird relatives were a constant. His coworker, we’ll call him Elrond, had a huge number of family members visiting for the holiday. To make life easier for his wife, he chatted up the provisioning company cooks to cook the entire Thanksgiving dinner for him and deliver it to the ramp break room packed up to take home. This was pre-TSA and an employee could just drive their personal vehicle right onto the ramp.

    About a half-hour before shift end, the catering truck shows up and unloads the holiday feast onto the tables in the break room, the driver saying something like, “Elrond said to deliver these here.” If you know rampies, you know they will eat anything. And they settled into the feast; there was so much food, they called in rampies from other airlines. By the time Elrond got off, went to get his car, and drove to the ramp break room, there was nothing left but scraped clean containers and two turkey carcasses.

    When Dad got home for our dinner, he was still laughing so hard he was crying. Elrond had to call home and then hunt for someplace to get enough food to feed the people at home. No way to get a reservation at one of the few restaurants open that evening for that many people. IIRC, they ended up eating Whataburger burgers and fries. His wife wasn’t happy, but he was a hero to the rampies for months.

    1. Bryce*

      What a misunderstanding. From the rampies perspective it looks like a completely generous gesture for the folks who need to work on Thanksgiving.

  198. JTHMeow*

    One time we found a Chicken Fried Steak and Gravy in the fridge. Not weird right? Well it was just loosely placed in a plastic grocery bag, not a container, not sealed. Just gravy all over the inside of this (probably dirty) plastic grocery bag. Still not sure whose that was, but it was the grossest thing I have seen in the fridge which has had some pretty gross things in it.

  199. EAW*

    Last year someone left a bottle of … some weird gross-looking green thick liquid-y thing … in the office fridge forever. (And believe me, I have nothing against green smoothies, if that’s what it was, but it really didn’t look like it.) One day we came in to find it had exploded all over the fridge, and leaked out all over the floor, etc. No one claimed it. The cleaning staff eventually cleaned the floor, but the fridge and the half-exploded bottle of gunk were left. As I recall, someone eventually sent an email around to the effect of ‘if this is your bottle of stuff, come get it’ and the bottle did indeed disappear. But the fridge was disgusting – I mean, really, really disgusting – green gunk on all of the shelves and floating on the bottom and splattered everywhere. It stayed like that for WEEKS, I’m not kidding. Eventually I got so sick of it I spent several hours scrubbing the fridge out myself. :(

    On a more positive note, we had our annual office Thanksgiving potluck today and it was lovely, as always! Most people bring a dish but the organizers really go all out – turkey, ham, fried chicken, all the sides, etc. I look forward to this all year. And no fights over leftovers, like so many of the other comments here!

  200. Lurker*

    More amusing than weird, but in the place I used to work, everyone was getting burned out due to crappy policies in place. (No raises for several years, crappy rules around PTO, too much overtime, stuff like that.) Before this happened, we used to do a ton of potlucks that were actually a lot of fun, but we’d kind of stopped doing them.

    So one of my coworkers decided to arrange a potluck to try and cheer people up. But people were just not in to it. Grumbling abounded, and lots of people said they weren’t going to participate, they weren’t interested in cooking anything. Then the organizer’s husband had a health issue, and she was out of the office for several days leading up to the potluck, as well as the day itself, and somehow I got stuck organizing.

    At that point, I realized how few people were actually participating, so after thinking about it a bit, I sent an email around asking if anyone would be interested in tossing some money towards buying some pizzas instead of cooking/baking something for the pot luck. I thought we’d get a couple of pizzas to help supplement the cooked food, and more people who didn’t have time to do anything could still participate.

    I got SO MANY responses. People came by all day to give me money for the pizza, telling me how glad they were that I organized it. And they were generous, too – I don’t think anyone gave less than $20, and several people gave more than that. My manager wasn’t able to make the potluck, but gave $50 anyway. I ended up with just shy of $700 to spend on pizza, for less than 30 people. So it turned into a pizza party instead of a potluck, with some extra treats/food brought in by a handful of people (including me – I didn’t contribute to the pizza, ha, I brought a dessert).

    It was actually a lot of fun, and helped cheer us up a bit.

    1. nnn*

      I’ve always thought potlucks should systematically be combined ordering pizza (or some other kind of food delivery). That way people for whom cooking is more feasible and people for whom contributing money is more feasible can all contribute in the way that works best for them.

  201. KV*

    I used to work at a certain southern grocery store chain known for their customer service as well as their great cakes. When people didn’t pick up a cake for whatever reason, it went to the staff in the break room. One day, I came in to work to find a half eaten sheet cake with “Happy Birthday Ho” written in bright pink lettering. I asked someone if it was a joke cake someone got upset about or something, only to find out NO, it was a real cake for an old woman whose nickname was “Ho”. The party organizer had ordered from the wrong store and refused to drive half an hour to pick it up, so we got to enjoy Ho’s birthday cake.

    I admit I once walked out with a slice of cake wrapped up in a napkin in my vest pocket, but that was because I am fat and didn’t want people to look at me askance for eating cake. People were actually generous and good about leftovers there. One time someone brought a ton of Brueggers bagels but nobody ate them so I ended up with a bag of bagels and a tub of bacon and onion cream cheese to share with my family. That was awesome!

    1. Mrs. Fenris*

      I *adore* the Southern grocery store you are referring to. :-) The one near me has slices of chocolate chip cookie cake for sale, sometimes but not always. I figure they are left from cakes that got messed up somehow.

  202. Data analyst*

    Here’s another good story :)

    One year I was working for a research lab that had an experiment on the Space Shuttle. For the duration of the shuttle mission we were stationed at NASA in Hunstville, Alabama. There were hundreds of scientists from all over, running and monitoring their experiments from the ground. We worked 12 hour shifts every day, half of us from 6 am to 6 pm, and half from 6 pm to 6 am. Thanksgiving fell during the mission.

    The locally based NASA employees provided a huge Thanksgiving potluck for the benefit of the visiting scientists and engineers. I was on the night shift so when I arrived the party was over and none of the people who provided the food were around anymore. But there was still huge amounts of delicious food left, and everyone on the night shift all got plenty to eat. Such a generous and thoughtful effort on the part of those locals, to give us a holiday celebration even though we were living in hotel rooms, far from home, apart from our families.

  203. boco*

    A former coworker used to bring the same thing to every potluck–some kind of casserole consisting of ground beef, tomatoes, and cheese. It tasted fine, though it was a little bland for my tastes. She was immensely proud of her dish though, and would hover by the buffet table making sure *everyone* had a bit and afterwards would ask people what they had thought of it, wasn’t it great, would they like the recipe, etc. Most people just took a little bit and agreed with her when pressed, because she would get extremely aggressive if she saw anyone refuse any, even if they had dietary/religious reasons for doing so.

    This came to a head one day when she cornered a new hire and started trying to get her to try some. The new girl kept trying to politely decline because she was a vegetarian but casserole coworker kept trying. Finally the new girl snapped, “I wouldn’t eat that anyway because it looks like something my cat threw up!” Dead silence. Casserole coworker stormed out of the room and later sent an office-wide email declaring that since no one stuck up for her, clearly we didn’t appreciate her cooking her special casserole so she was no longer going to bring her casseroles to the potlucks.

    1. AnonAndOn*

      “…so she was no longer going to bring her casseroles to the potlucks.”

      She may be doing that out of spite, but your office probably sees that as a sigh of relief! If she were so proud of that dish and secure in her cooking skills she wouldn’t need to force that stuff onto others.

    2. Mrs. Fenris*

      My MIL makes a chicken casserole she is extremely proud of. It consists of canned chicken, cream of mushroom soup, canned water chestnuts, and shredded cheese. It’s…not bad, I guess, sort of like school lunchroom food, but she makes a huge deal over it.

  204. Victoria, Please*

    I feel sad that my office is completely civilized and boring when if comes to food and I have no stories to tell.

    So I will tell of the pick-your-own strawberry farm I used to work at, where some of the customers did not quite get it… they went out to pick 10 feet of row and got up with *no berries* because they had EATEN them all! They had driven 30 miles for that purpose – to eat, rather than buy, about $4 worth of strawberries. (It’s still stealing.) (Eh, washing, we never bothered either. If you are working a berry field, your tolerance for dirt rises fast.)

    2. Excel Slayer*

      I was *terrible* for doing this as a child. I think I always ate three times more than my dad actually paid for, and probably exited the place with strawberry juice all over my face. But at least I know better now?

  205. Liz*

    Not weird but wonderful. I showed up at a company location where I don’t normally work, but know a few people. Several scientists work at this site.
    Scientist A had to bring cake to something in their personal life, and wanted to know what bakery had the best cake so they could bring it to this event. Therefore Scientist A went to like five bakeries, bought cake at each one, and asked all of the staff to try each cake and vote for the one they liked best. (There were ballots and everything.)
    Scientist B wasn’t all that into white cake with white frosting, so that person bought 3 chocolate cakes and shared those as well.
    When I showed up at this site one of the people I know tells me to go back to the break room and vote on cakes. Jackpot!

  206. Zirco*

    One of managers will occasionally bring in donuts for our department. Not too long ago, she ordered 3 dozen from a local supermarket — an ample number for the 30 – 35 people in our department, especially considering that we have a many teleworkers. Her husband went to pick them up.

    He came back with 18 dozen. For 30 people.

    The grocery store had had a mix-up, of course, but insisted that they were right and that our manager had actually ordered that many. And in these sorts of ludicrous situations, it can be hard to think straight.

    They ended up telling everyone in the building to come and get donuts, and even distributed them to our colleagues in the neighboring buildings. (We are currently spread out over three different buildings.) Amazingly, they were all gone by the end of the next day, though I think that quite a few were taken home for spouses and kids.

    They were delicious.

  207. Not That Jane*

    At our school, we have a tradition that a parent brings in food for us during after school staff meetings. We had this one parent who always brought amazing food: crock pot soups, heirloom tomato dip, homemade bread…

    But one time, she brought in some sort of slow cooker soup with I think beef and beans. The next day was a state testing day (so we were all just proctoring quiet students all day). EVERY teacher in the building was on G-chat asking for sudden, urgent restroom coverage… if you know what I mean. We later compared notes and realized that it must have been the soup. All us teachers actually had a good laugh about it, even though it was icky and miserable in the moment. I later heard that someone discreetly talked to the parent about it (as in, “Hey, FYI, you should probably know something was wrong with your soup”), and she vehemently denied that it could possibly have been her. :/

    1. nonegiven*

      Beans always have that effect. DH likes beans but he only wants them on Friday. During the work week, he might be out in the sticks somewhere with no public bathroom in 20 miles.

  208. Cherith Ponsonby*

    This isn’t weird so much as unfortunate: I had a coworker (Bree) who was very allergic to bananas. It was so bad that she’d get a headache if someone had eaten a banana near her desk an hour before she got in, and if you left a banana peel in the bin within a radius of a few metres she’d actually break out in hives.

    Guess what sort of cake the office manager bought for her farewell morning tea?

    Bree took about two steps into the room (it was not a small room) and her face went bright red and she had to leave the whole building (for some fresh air – she did come back in). The office manager was absolutely mortified; she’d been trying to diversify the cakes, because apparently people were getting bored with chocolate, and she had no idea about Bree’s allergy. “Well-meaning but inept” was an accurate description of the company, really.

    There was also the time when my supervisor was carrying the traditional bottle of wine to my farewell lunch (where she would have handed it over and I would have carried it back to the office), and the bag somehow broke so the bottle smashed, oh no such a terrible accident, etc. It would have been much more convincing if I hadn’t happened to look into her office beforehand and seen her sabotaging the bag!

      2. Cherith Ponsonby*

        She really didn’t like me. It was a very passive-aggressive sort of workplace, so she couldn’t just come out and tell me what I was doing wrong – “visibly having a life outside work rather than doing 7-day weeks” was part of it, but passive-aggressive workplaces used to turn me into an obnoxious little brat, so there was blame on both sides. (I’m better now.)

  209. Big City Woman*

    I am appalled by the sheer number of people with potluck and bake-off tales to tell. I’ve never worked anywhere that this was a requirement, and I hope I never will. I think the whole idea is absurd! That, and being forced to celebrate co-worker birthdays, is pure hell for me. I’m wondering how one can broach the subject during an interview, because if potlucks, baking contests, and forced birthday parties are an important element in the workplace culture – and employees are required to participate – I definitely do NOT want to work there.B

    1. Corky's wife Bonnie*

      It depends on the office and situation though. Mine never forces the bake-off’s or potlucks. For the pot-lucks, we are well aware that some people just don’t cook, so we are happy when they supply bread, utensils, napkins, beverages, etc. It’s usually a fun time, and we put a little bucket next to the food for people to donate toward our charity fund but it’s not required.

      1. Big City Woman*

        I’m sorry, but NO. To me, a workplace is not the appropriate venue for potluck meals or cooking/baking contests. I cannot stand forced merriment – there should always be the option not to participate at all. I wouldn’t cook or bake, and I wouldn’t want to bring in napkins and paper plates either. Let me sit at my desk and do my work, please.

        It’s just irritatingly stupid for a company or department to require, expect, or pressure employees to bring in homemade food to share. If the company wants to have some sort of celebration with food, they should pay for a caterer or bakery, or whatever, and stop being so cheap. Then at least the food is made in a legal kitchen by people who know proper food handling safety protocols, and employees won’t have to spend money for these kinds of things.

        And don’t get me started on workplaces that insist on celebrating everybody’s birthdays. Ugh, so juvenile. Probably my biggest pet peeve.

        1. Karo*

          It’s just irritatingly stupid for a company or department to require, expect, or pressure employees to bring in homemade food to share.

          You’re totally right here, but I think you’re making a pretty big leap from “office potluck” to “require, expect or pressure.” I’ve held potlucks in my office before and it’s always just “if you want to bring something, please do.” No one is expected to participate, no one is expected to have any involvement.

  210. Akcipitrokulo*

    (Not horrible one) One of our team lunches didn’t go so well – the restaurant was “under new management” within a couple of months and it was pretty dire. One of the team got very sick after eating one of their burgers.

    So a few months later we were organising a barbeque at work. I’m on the social committee so was involved in this and was letting people know about it – my department started talking about when the other guy got ill, and had to miss two days’ work, and joking about how we were going to give food poisoning to the whole company, but at least it was on a friday so they’d be back to work on Monday!

    I replied deadpan “Yeah – that’s why it’s on a Friday. HR insisted.”

    Moment’s silence, then youngest colleague “What, really?”

    “No.”

  211. Not Australian*

    Not exactly an office food story, but …

    I worked in a local government office where nobody was allowed to have personal kettles etc. because of fire regulations – but it was known that ‘Eric’, on the verge of retirement, had an illegal kettle hidden away which we all pretended didn’t exist.

    Comes a day when I have an absolutely stinky cold but I still need to work. (Regular task, nobody else to do it, inflexible deadline etc.) I have LemSip sachets to get me through, but obviously I need boiling water to dissolve them. Trying to do the right thing, I go and line up in the canteen, wait twenty minutes to be served, and ask them for boiling water to make my drink. (Certain I would have to pay as if it was tea, btw.)

    They refuse.

    You can have tea or coffee, but that’s all. Not even any fruit teas in those days, either.

    In desperation I had to go to Eric and start a conversation with the words “I know you haven’t *really* got a kettle hidden in your filing cabinet, but … ” As soon as he understood the situation he provided me with a cup of boiling water and I was able to take my LemSip, but what I took away from that was if you’re ill enough to need a supply of hot lemon drinks during the day you’d better darn well stay at home and make your own – because work certainly isn’t going to be able to accommodate you. Sigh.

  212. Greg M.*

    so while reading all these food stories I do have one to share. a couple weeks ago my coworker brought in some lovely baking. pumpkin cupcakes
    tasted great
    except for the icing bag tip in the middle of mine
    as in the metal cone

  213. WonderingHowIGotIntoThis*

    I *almost* miss the days when we were in our old office building with kitchenettes and fridges and microwaves. We’ve now moved to a building with a canteen and vending machines, so if you need something chilled, bring an insulated bag or tough luck.
    However, I am reminded that, instead of having stolen lunches, we often used to have almost the *opposite* problem, of people forgetting they’ve brought food in and just leaving it. We used to have a “kitchen monitor” (not even remotely in the same league as one of today’s letters) who would send out passive aggressive, but highly amusing emails to all with titles like “Shall we call HazMat”, “What fruit is this” and “A guide to using common kitchen appliances”, occasionally with pictures of the offensive “food”. Ever seen grey “cheese”? Yuck.
    Probably the best example was an email in September that contained the lines “Did you put a Tupperware box of diced melon in the fridge? Probably sometime around Easter? It’s starting to ferment, so if you’re making melon wine, things are going well. If not, you may want to bin the contents and save the Tupperware. Also, if you have brought cottage cheese to work, and, to stop people stealing it, craftily hidden it in a 2 litre milk carton with a big letter “J” on the side, then I will apologise personally for throwing it out. If however, you bought a 2 litre carton of milk sometime in the middle of July, and just left it in the fridge to fester, you have succeeded in traumatising Jane.”

    1. Snickerdoodle*

      Hahaha I love the melon wine note. Those are the kinds of passive aggressive notes I can get behind; they’re funny and they get the point across without really hurting anyone’s feelings. Also, when it comes to shared kitchen spaces, I feel like that’s the only way you can really deal with it because there’s usually no way to tell who did what so a direct conversation isn’t really possible.

    2. Rainy*

      I am known for the savagery of my fridge cleanout, and when it’s my month to clean the fridge (and sometimes just when it starts to smell, as I will also do it randomly if it needs it), and I send out the “I’m cleaning the fridge at 3pm, if you don’t want it thrown away put your name and a future date on it” someone always sends around the GOT “BRACE YOURSELVES–FRIDGE CLEANING IS COMING” meme.

  214. Surrogate Tongue Pop*

    Late to this party, but I worked in IT for a well known financial services firm, and this practically senile guy who came in late every day would go make instant ramen noodles in the breakroom, put it in his own ceramic bowl, and shuffle back to his desk with this precarious tall TOWER of things. Bowl, lid, random whole veggie, flavor packet, egg, serving spoon. He would then proceed to cut up the veggie at and on his desk with communal crusty office scissors and put the veggie and crack the egg in his soup. Two hours after lunch, he was gone. I think he just came in to make soup. Eventually, he was let go.

  215. Snickelfritz*

    This is exactly like me and my partner; I’m a fantastic baker and microwaver, but cooking a meal scares me to death — timing, spices, ingredients are all mysteries to me. I get the baking gene from my father, who made cakes to die for. My mother cooked everything to death, especially baked goods; biscuits rose, fell, and calcified in the oven.

  216. Snickerdoodle*

    Little late to this, but at my old job, free food was a Big Deal. If you put something out in the morning, you could pretty much guarantee that it’d be mostly, if not completely, gone by lunch. Potlucks were highly anticipated events. One department in particular was known for making damn sure they got to what they wanted first. They’d go in for a plate while simultaneously making another plate to wrap up and save for later. They’d hide the stuff, too. Not just in the fridge, but random places. How’d we find out? Our HR person and a coworker were cleaning the break room one day and found a crusted, moldy piece of cake that had to have been at least two months old stashed in a top cabinet.

  217. Other Emily*

    My desk at a previous job was next to the break room, which contained a fridge, couch and small table, but no sink. One coworker would, if I was away from my desk, open my drawers and use my office scissors to open bags of food or soup. He would also steal any snacks he found in the drawers while he was in there. After he had lunch he would return the scissors unwashed, so they stuck together in a gross, crusty old food glue.

    I asked him to stop repeatedly but he denied it even though I had seen him in action and he sometimes would do it when I was actually sitting there. I had to ask ops to change my cubicle walls so he would be in full view of other people who might shame him. That worked, and eventually he quit.

  218. Fern*

    We often get free food in my department, and a coworker likes to take the leftover breads to feed a family of raccoons that have lived under her porch for years. She’s named them and everything. One time, at the very end of the day, I grabbed three extra bagels (out of over twenty) for my husband, child, and I to have the next day and she saw me doing this and said in all seriousness “I hope you’ve left enough for the raccoons. They need to eat, too.” I tried laughing it off and said yes all the raccoons would have bagels for days… but she didn’t find it funny.

  219. Annie*

    For the first 12 years of my post-college life, I worked for a very well-known, large company. They’ve been around forever and when I was hired, I was one of less than 10 employees under the age of 30(…and this didn’t change for several years either). My department had an annual holiday potluck and I usually brought a home-baked coffee cake. One year it just wasn’t put out…I still wonder if it was somehow not thoroughly cooked and the ladies in charge of setting the stuff out didn’t want to tell me, of if it just happened to fall in someone’s bag.

  220. Marion100*

    Of course you are able to laugh about it now, because you weren’t one of the people who ate your maggot infested cookies. Just because you sifted out the maggots, the the rest of the flour is still invested with droppings and maggot parts you can’t see with the naked eye. I think you should be ashamed, and not laugh about it now.

      1. Throwaway*

        Honestly, I had no idea about it. This happened at my first job when I was 15 years old, a sophomore in high school. I panicked and that’s what I did. I didn’t realize how negative of a reaction I would get from this, so I apologize. I honestly, truly, had no idea. Thanks for explaining to me instead of simply calling me a name, seriously. I won’t comment any further.

        1. Marion100*

          Now that I know that you were only 15 years old, that makes it a lot more forgivable since ALL teenagers make mistakes. The thought of an adult doing this seems way way worse in my opinion, but if you were just a teenager, you made a mistake you learned from and fortunately nobody got sick as far as you know.

  221. Alexandra Duane*

    Giving unsuspecting people contaminated food is NOT funny, and is evidence that you are a jerk. Go ahead and laugh … more evidence of your poor character.

  224. Mrs. Fenris*

    My only potluck disaster involved food NOT getting served! We had our annual holiday potluck on a day I was out of the office, and I couldn’t come because we were going to a family get-together. I made a sweet potato casserole and a GORGEOUS cranberry cheesecake and brought them by the office. I told a few people they were in the fridge, but they forgot to tell anybody or get the food out themselves! I stopped by to get the dishes and they were sitting there untouched! I was crushed. Fortunately I was entertaining another group in a couple of days, so I took the food home and fed it to them, but booo.

  226. Cat Cake*

    OMG! Once I had to bake a cake for work but had school after work, so when I got home it was quite late. I baked a Bundt cake and left it to cool on the table while I got ready for bed. A while later I came out to discover that my cat had taken bites out of the top of the cake all the way around it. I threw on some clothes and dashed out to the nearest convenience store (this was in the days before 24 hr grocery stores) and bought another cake mix. I baked it up and while cooling, the center of the cake (9×13 sheet cake) sunk. Dramatically. Couldn’t be fixed by piling on extra frosting. So I went back to the Bundt cake, slathered it with frosting, sliced it up the next morning and took it in to work. No one knew. Only got about four hours sleep that night. The cat got spanked.

  227. Millie M*

    I had a tragic brownie incident at a former job. I made a pan of amazing Supernatural Brownies and brought them to work. The director of our program came in to work even though she was very sick, because we had an important meeting. She was chugging cough syrup and herbal tea with honey, and waving around a bag full of all kinds of herbal remedies, and she just sounded like death warmed over. I put the pan of brownies out, and she didn’t just take one brownie–she cut a brownie in half and ate that half, and then cut the remaining half of that brownie in half again and ate another little bit of the brownie. I looked at that pan of delicious brownies, and I really didn’t want to expose anyone else to her germs, so I threw the rest of them away. :-( It might not have bothered me so much if she took a whole brownie, but she had to go and put her germy fingers all over them.

    Some other time, I might tell the story of how I found a used tea bag in a stack of papers on her desk. And how she made me return a book to the library that she had spilled coffee on, so it was soaked in coffee. And the story of the lollipops. I had to quit putting lollipops in the candy dish on my desk, because she would park a lollipop in her mouth, and munch and crunch and slurp on it while she hovered over my desk. And then she would leave the stick somewhere in the office, where it would stay until a coworker found it and threw it away.

      1. Dove*

        I’m guessing that the remaining quarter got put back into the pan? Because this is the only reason that would make sense to me.

  228. Throwaway because I'm so embarassed by this*

    (I don’t know how this works, but) Alison, would you please delete this whole comment thread? I didn’t realize how horrible this was and I’d just like this whole thing deleted. I’m really upset, I learned my lesson, and I’d prefer to not be able to re-read the unkind comments. I’m sorry I did this 7 years ago and I sure as F*CK won’t do this ever again. Please please please delete this Alison.

    1. Marion100*

      Sorry that I contributed to you feeling terrible. I replied to you above also, but I really don’t think the comments would have been as harsh if you had originally written that you were 15 years old. I know that made me read your post in a whole new light. I think people are more understanding when it is a teenager making the mistake and not a grown ass adult!

  229. Madtown Ad Planner*

    I once had a coworker who brought in cauliflower for a snack that was clearly rotten. As soon as she opened her bag the smell filled our office, and even the departments surrounding us started calling to see what was making such an awful smell. My coworker was too embarrassed to announce that she had been the one to bring in such foul-smelling food and I was very, very new so I didn’t want to rock any boats and out her for being the source (she had already thrown it away). Our office manager got involved by coming into our department and saying she was going to call the utility company because she thought there might be a sewer leak in our building…not kidding, it was that awful. In the end, we all had our windows open in December and multiple candles burning to get rid of the smell.

  230. BetterLateThanNever*

    I’m super late to this, but I just remembered the time a man signed up to bring stuffing for our newsroom Thanksgiving potluck lunch. He brought a box of Stove Top Stuffing and set it on the lunch table. Just the box of unprepared stuffing. He then was angry to discover nobody had opened, made and served the stuffing alongside the really yummy offerings everyone else prepared at home and brought in to share. He took it home in disgust.

  231. KatyO*

    I have a coworker that often brings her lunch in unconventional containers. After a pizza box sat in the fridge for 3 days, I opened it…and found 2 hot dogs and a piece of bread.

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