open thread – April 10-11, 2020

by Alison Green on April 10, 2020

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on anything work-related that you want to talk about. If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to talk to other readers.

* If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer.

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  2. Snarkus Aurelius*

    I work in public health. Five years ago, I was bullied off a major promotion/project and forced to leave due to false allegations and sabotage. Really ugly stuff. Up until COVID-19, I hadn’t had anything to do with the two perpetrators. I avoided them in conversation politely and left the room when they were around. I blocked them everywhere except work email as that’s the only way I wanted them to contact me. They never did. Due to COVID-19, I’m a new, highly elevated and respected position because of my background. I’m in the public eye almost all the time. My two perpetrators? Oh they’re my best friends now. They’re going above and beyond to be super nice to me. Nothing ever happened between us apparently. They love me, and they make sure to tell TPTB that. Etc. My approach has been to continue what I was doing before by avoiding them, politely leaving conversation with an excuse, etc. No one outside of these two people know anything went awry. No has noticed that I’ve cut them out of my life, but they’re making a point of telling people they used to work with me…conveniently leaving out why they don’t anymore. My position certainly doesn’t require me to interact with them, but they want their “access.” Being in their presence is extremely upsetting. I don’t need or want an apology. I want them to go away. What bothers me is how utterly transparent these two are being. They’re manipulating me into forgiving them and being nice. How do I respond to their very insincere gestures of kindness and the compliments they give to other people about me? I was so traumatized from it all, I’m not interested in any contact with them or any relationship beyond the bare minimum. How can I get through this? I never forgave them, but I did emotionally move on from it…until now.

    1. Diahann Carroll*

      Well, regarding the compliments they give others about you, if you’re not around when they do it and you get word that they’re doing it secondhand, just say something like, “That’s very kind” and change the topic of conversation. Even if you do end up around them and you hear them gushing about you, you can still politely smile and say, “That’s very kind,” and change the topic and/or excuse yourself from the conversation.

      You know they’re liars, but third parties don’t, so you can’t call them out for being frauds. The next best thing is to pretend as if the compliments are genuine, keep your reply short and sweet, and then change topics or leave the situation as you have been doing. You don’t need to forgive these people, nor do you have to continue to be around them if you don’t want to.

      1. Claire*

        Seconded! A bland smile and vague pleasantry is your friend. You probably shouldn’t trash talk them to people you don’t know well…but you also don’t have to say anything nice, and are totally allowed to convey disinterest whenever their names come up.

      2. cmcinnyc*

        Sounds like they’re trying to ride your coattails. I think your professionalism and coolness is your best bet. They want reflected glory and best-case scenario, good references. You don’t have to provide that. You’re not being manipulated into forgiveness. You’re being manipulated into being a professional validator. Maybe come up with some just-in-case scripts you can use if they, or someone else, asks you to vouch for them?

        1. Snarkus Aurelius*

          So far, I’ve been saying I don’t know them well. If the person knows about my time on that project, I say I didn’t really work with them that much. If pressed, I say, “Oh I did a thing here and there, but it wasn’t much.”

          It’s pretty much the truth anyway.

          1. Jules the 3rd*

            That’s actually a great way to respond – it not only gives you distance, it also subtly highlights that they’re lying.

            You have to stay cool but professional. The most you can do is distance – a pause before answering or talking about them, like you’re trying to remember who they are, a ‘who? oh yes, them! I don’t know them well’ – these are effective but quiet and still professional.

            You are stone around them. It’s hard, but it gets easier.

          2. Knitter*

            Yes. When I first read this, I thought their purpose was to ride your success. In order to comply with workplace norms, we often have to say things more tactfully than we might otherwise. I think not returning the compliment is basically work speak for “yeah, it wasn’t as great as they are saying”

          3. Annie Porter*

            Yeah, it’s sad, but trashing them, even honestly (and it sounds like they deserve a good, solid trashing) will make you look bad. Cool politeness actually conveys a lot. If I said to you “Wow, Fergus and Jane had glowing things to say about your recent interview/article/segment/whatever!” and you said a polite “Oh, that’s nice of them to say,” without a follow up “I didn’t know you knew Fergus! Isn’t he great?” I’m gonna read between the lines pretty quickly and you look no worse for the wear. A deliberately cordial tone also does wonders. I hope I’m making sense! In any event, it sounds like you came out of the situation smelling like roses, so good for you! :)

          4. Autumnheart*

            I think that’s a fine response, and I also like the suggestion above of “That’s very kind”. Polite, non-commital, doesn’t say more than you need to say.

            We see examples of prominent figures trash-talking colleagues on the record every day, and I think everyone can agree that, whether the trashing is earned or not, it definitely looks really petty and undermines confidence in the speaker’s ability to keep things professional. I would definitely avoid engaging in similar behavior, if only to make YOU look good, even if it means those jerks also accidentally look good by omission.

            1. Caroline Bowman*

              even better is ”that’s very kind *of you to say*”. It very faintly implies ”you insincere lying liar pants lying, bullying piece of shoe crud”, but is super-nice and very deniable.

      3. CodeAndCoffee*

        Nothing wrong with a non-committal ” Oh? John and Linda? Yes…..I’ve had some…experiences with them. They are certainly….people.” followed by a look of disgust, and then a changed topic.

        1. Starbuck*

          As satisfying as that is to imagine delivering, it’s probably too much and a bit too obvious, unfortunately. A neutral outsider who doesn’t have context could easily read that as you being high strung, and it kinda begs follow-up questions that would be even more difficult to respond to tactfully.

          1. Caroline Bowman*

            it very much hangs on who you’re talking to I think. It must be very sparingly used. Something like ”John and Linda (small laugh), yes in a different role I did come to know them. Anyway, how are YOU? I hear you are doing amazing things with teapot design?”

      4. Artemesia*

        Be cool and carry this grudge silently. There may be a day when you can see that they don’t get a new job or promotion or award or whatever. You need to be cool, pleasant, polite, gracious but you don’t need to forget. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

    2. Buttons*

      That is awful. If you aren’t their manager or boss, then continue what you are doing. If you are ever alone with them and they start being all buddy buddy I would said “We both know what you did to me, and while I have moved on, our professional relationship will never be what it could have been becuase of the broken trust.”

        1. It's All Elementary My Dear*

          I like this one too. Keeps the interaction short and the point gets across.

        3. Mad Harry Crewe*

          Or, “Hmm. That’s not how I remember it. In any case, I’ve got work to do. Excuse me.”

          1. not me*

            This one — very professional — still says everything you need. This is for in private. In public, continue to take the high road!

            1. closely, closely to the floor*

              +1 for “take the high road”. It might take years, but you’ll be happy that you did.

              If it helps, it’s a good bet that these two are spending their private moments wailing and gnashing their teeth. You aren’t a bad person if you find yourself enjoying this.

              Also: don’t do them any favors. I like the fact that you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want revenge – you just want them to go away. But you are definitely not obligated to forgive them, especially when they aren’t honestly regretful of what they did.

              (Once upon a time I, too, ‘lapped’ some backstabbing ex-coworkers).

      2. Caroline Bowman*

        Just a long look and ”my memory is perfect. It’s one of my many strengths”.

    3. T. Boone Pickens*

      I feel like the the term, “Bless Your Heart” whenever they give you a compliment seems extremely appropriate given this situation.

      2. tiasp*

        It probably counts as trash talking them, but I’d be tempted to say “I wish I could return the compliment.”

    4. Holy Moley*

      I will say forgiveness doesn’t mean acceptance. But that being said, I think the best you can do is continue to ignore them. I would give them bland looks when they try to manipulate you. Give them answers that won’t let them go down the rabbit hole “I cant talk about that right now, Im busy” etc. They sounds like horrible people but just remember you dont need to respond to anything. When this is over, they will go back to being horrible. The best thing you can do is to continue to protect yourself and keep them at arms length. You don’t owe anyone any explanations.

    5. epi*

      In addition to continuing to ignore them, I would tell the history to at least one person you work with closely who would be in a position to be a buffer, back you up when you excuse yourself, and not really respond to or reward their insincere gushing.

      Having to be around people who harassed you is stressful and can even be traumatic at the best of times. A common response to that is to feel ashamed, blame yourself, or tell yourself you’re overreacting and hide the situation. It will be better for your mental health not to do it alone. You don’t need to give a boss or coworker the whole story or a ton of emotional vulnerability– it will benefit you just to know that someone else knows these people treated you badly in the past and make you uncomfortable now.

      I hope it never matters, but it will also protect you in case these people ever choose to harass you or try to harm you again. Speaking from experience, anyone seeing these interactions without the background will assume they are normal and welcome. Someone really can’t back you up as a witness to your interactions if they never knew there was a problem.

      1. Gatomon*

        +1 If there’s a trusted person somewhere you can tell, I would do so too. It’s possible this big visible campaign of “love” they are waging is a precursor to them starting rumors about how “mean” you are to them and they’ve “done nothing wrong,” etc. I’ve seen it before, unfortunately, and by the time it becomes a thing if you try to explain the backhistory you’ll be someone who holds grudges. You don’t have to start a smear campaign against them, but explaining shortly and as neutrally as possible what happened before to an ally could help protect you.

        1. Knitter*

          I came here to say this.

          I was in a similar position last year with extreme bullying, etc. Luckily the bosses stepped in, put a stop to it, and recognized that I was blameless but I still have to work with the perpetrator. And she has been coming to me for “advice” since I’m more of an expert in a particular area. (I think it is a CYA move because she generally sucks at her job but is at making powerful connections).
          This year a colleague joined the team from another department and was basically like “what the hell” when evil colleague tried to pull the same stunts. She has the tenure to push back, which I didn’t the prior year. It was so reassuring to have another person who can see through evil colleague. It made me wish I had opened up to others sooner.

          Also, I did a lot of things from a place of fear. Having a colleague who knows the dynamics helps me check myself when I’m letting my anxiety about seeing evil colleague take over and making me avoid doing something I want/need to do.

    6. Sara without an H*

      I agree, this is tough, but if you can disengage from it emotionally, can you convince yourself that it’s also entertaining? When you have no choice but to deal with them, try remarks like “Oh, yes, I remember our time working together on The Bandersnatch Project…perfectly.” Follow with direct look and a frosty smile. (Per Miss Manners, a frosty smile is one in which the ends of the mouth curl up, but no warmth reaches the eyes.)

      A couple of commenters have suggested briefing some of your current colleagues about your past history with these jerks. I don’t know how open you’ve been about this in the past, but it might be worthwhile at this point to cautiously brief a few select people. Anybody you confide in should be someone you know to be trustworthy and reliable, and you should make every effort to keep your presentation of the facts as unemotional as possible. It’s very important not to appear vindictive, even when vindictiveness would be perfectly justified and appropriate.

      1. Amaranth*

        It sounds like their original accusations haven’t traveled very far, so my one caution is that exhibiting an underlying antipathy rather than just a sort of vague indifference might create a sense of Mystery and Drama and people might try to find out the why, which could be a distraction from what you do now. The contrast between the duo talking OP up to try and bask in a supposed connection and OP having a vague air of ‘who? oh…right, we worked on the same project briefly I think’ just underlines their name-dropping.

    7. pancakes*

      Why not continue treating them the same? Polite distance seems to work well. They can try to manipulate you into pretending there’s no history of terrible behavior on their part but they can’t make you believe it.

    8. Ronda*

      I had a coworker treat me horribly. I moved to a different group to get away from her. later we were put back in the same group and she always acted so nice to me, but i never trusted her.

      And I did tell some people about it. Not really specifically what she did, but that she had treated me horribly and I did not trust her. I set-up some out of work stuff with some people we both worked with and they asked if she should be invited…. I told them no way I was doing that!

      I dont really think you should keep it secret that they treated your horribly. It just gives abusers power.
      You do need to balance that you don’t go on a campaign against them, but doesnt sound like you are in danger of that.

    9. BadWolf*

      They’re manipulating me into forgiving them and being nice.

      Honestly, they may not even particularly “remember” the past lies and sabotage. Either they don’t care enough to remember, they’re too self centered to remember, or they didn’t view their actions as bad, they believed their own lies.

      I say this because right now, it might not be manipulation in the way you are thinking. Their empty and mean heads may only be at “Oh, we used to work with Snarkus Aurelius, that should get us extra favor because we’lre old buddies.” If pressed, they might be all, “Oh we joked around, there was a bunch of bureaucracy that forced Snarkus to leave.” Infuriatingly oblivious.

      I can’t imagine they’ll apologize because I would bet money they don’t think anything bad happened (or certainly not that they caused).

      This is definitely a “best revenge is a life well lived” sort of scenario. Which is waaaay easier said than done. Think of these two like the pathetic wannabe bad guy sidekicks, trying to butter up whoever they think is the best bet. “You’re a sad strange little man and you have my pity.”

      1. not me*

        this is true — often people who hurt other people are amazingly good at rationalizing it all away — in their brains, everything they did was fine, and they may even tell themselves that they helped you.

      2. Trek*

        I think it’s also likely they don’t think they did anything wrong. They could remember it happening but see it as a power move for their career and justify their actions. Some bullies don’t perceive themselves as bullies.

    10. Fikly*

      “They’re manipulating me into forgiving them and being nice.”

      It doesn’t sound like they are. It sounds like they are trying, but it’s extremely obvious to you, and it’s not working.

      They are who they are. They clearly are not going to change. Be the professional you are, and if other people tell you they’ve said something about you, all you have to say is “that’s nice.” If they compliment you directly, you can say “ok,” or “thanks.” Then just leave it there. You don’t need to give them any benefits from your new role if their current job responsibilities don’t bring it to them. They don’t have the power – you do.

    11. Not So NewReader*

      You won, period , you won. They caved. Remember that, with this type of personality the only way you know you have one is when you see them schmoozing you. You have the luxury of taking the high road and just watching them fall all over themselves. The more they schmooze the more they are telegraphing to you that they know they made a major FUp when they messed with you.

      They forgot the golden rule, be careful how you treat others on your way up, they are the same people you will meet on your way down.

      My boss and I have had a few very interesting discussions about a couple people. These people are difficult with me at best. When they see my boss they melt into the most accommodating, personable people you could ever want to meet. It’s a show. I make sure my boss knows how these people are acting when she is not around.

      You are not the only person who knows what these people really are. If the day comes where you are formally asked by a person with authority over them, you can respond or not. Whatever you chose. Please hold on to the fact that you are not the only one who knows who these people really are.

      Other things you can do include building more and more positive relationships around you. It will take dozens of them to muffle the negative people, so go ahead and keep working on that. This is human nature, it takes a lot to drown out the negative.

      Keep working on rockin’ the job. Real success can also help muffle the voices of Past Bullies. But there is also a hidden factor here. It’s the quiet confidence of knowing that you KNOW your job. You are no longer that newbie that needed approval of others. You have plenty of approval AND recognition. Their positive reinforcement is no longer necessary NOR DESIRED.

      Last. On a quiet night at home, sit down and have a good cry. Behind anger often times is tears. Push the tears out. What they did freakin’ hurt and there is no denying that. Tears help our brains to process. Tell yourself, “Yes, that happened. But it is over now.”

      Perhaps your preference is a punching bag, then go ahead install one in your house and use it. Work it out of you, so that your logic is in charge of your choices here and not your emotions. Emotions are not wrong, what we feel is real. It’s how we use those emotions that makes the difference.

      You don’t have to forgive. And you definitely do not have to forget. We are supposed to remember so we can protect ourselves from further harm. It’s okay to remember. And the forgiving stuff? I’d argue that our lack of forgiveness can be a part of their learning experience and we don’t even realize how much so. It is up to them to work that through.

    12. Caroline Bowman*

      If people mention that they used to work with you and have been talking that up, leave a noticeable pause and say ”yes… it was not something I would want to go back to” and change the subject firmly.

      If they compliment you to your face and you are not overheard, just say ”I would prefer you not to speak to me unless strictly required, thank you.” and leave it at that.

      Do not allow these people traction in your life. No need to be horrible, but also no need to pretend everything is peachy either. Just be studiously neutral and don’t gossip.

  3. Furlough Worries*

    I keep hearing about the companies that are laying off their staff during this crisis and it’s making me nervous. My company furloughed me and a lot of other staff. They didn’t say anything about layoffs, just that they would ‘check in’ in the status of those who are furloughed in a month. I like my job and don’t want to leave but I’m terrified the furlough will turn into a layoff. Should I get a jumpstart job searching, though I can’t imagine anyone will be hiring right now? I have savings to keep me going for several months so I’m not desperate for funds but I’m worried about being laid off and then joining a huge job hunting crowd of those that were also laid off.

    Also for my resume, if I’m furloughed in March and laid off in May, would my end date be the start of the furlough in March or when the actual layoff comes through in May?

    1. (Former) HR Expat*

      I’d put your end date in May. Also, if it’s a complete furlough, I’d recommend applying for unemployment (if you haven’t already). While it may not completely replace your salary, it will help you not eat into your savings so much. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

      1. WellRed*

        Can I ask what you mean by complete furlough? I”ve been furloughed for three weeks, and the weeks can’t be taken consecutively, so in theory, a week furlough each. month for the nxt three. I assumed I can apply for unemployment, but am unclear (I’m assuming it will be a hassle).

        1. Moose on skates*

          Absolutely apply. It is a bit of a hassle but worth it to get some cash flow versus none for the weeks you don’t work.

        2. Natalie*

          I wouldn’t assume applying to UI will be a hassle, usually it’s a couple of screens of an online application. I’d go ahead and just do it, there’s literally no reason not to. If they decide you don’t qualify they’ll just tell you so, you don’t get in trouble or anything.

          1. Frank Doyle*

            It is right now, everyone’s systems are overloaded. It’s hard even to get websites to load.

            1. Natalie*

              Eh, try again the next day, then, or at a different time. Unless you have something else pressing you’re doing with your time, that still doesn’t sound like a reason not to.

              1. CL Cox*

                Nobody said not to apply, but it is nice to give someone a heads-up that it’s going to be a more difficult process right now. And since each state is different, some are more cumbersome than others. The main issue I’ve heard people having is the amount of time it takes – some states don’t accept online applications, so people have to wait in long lines for hours. And even once the application is in, it’s taking a lot longer for the unemployment offices to process them. It’s almost always worth it, but it is a bit of a hassle right now.

                1. Natalie*

                  I was responding to someone who is unsure if they qualify and hasn’t replied seemingly because of the hassle. The most definitive way to find out if you qualify for unemployment is to flipping apply to unemployment. And I guess I don’t really consider waiting for a web page to load to be a hassle, but YMMV.

                  (Somehow this comes up routinely here with unemployment, people who aren’t sure if they can get it or heard from someone they can’t and then don’t bother to try, as though the online application is going to yell at them or something. It’s weird.)

            2. WellRed*

              This! I hope once I do the first filing, it’s easier the second and third time, despited the lags in between. I’m more worried about how long the check might take but maybe by the time I need to start filing, they will be operating more smoothly.

              1. Natalie*

                You may be able to just not submit a claim for the weeks that you work, or report earnings that week, rather than applying each time. It will depend on exactly how your state’s claims process works.

          2. The Man, Becky Lynch*

            Yes! This! All this.

            If you’re not working, I’m not sure how it’s a hassle either because you’re taking the time to do these steps, even if you fight a broken website for a few hours to get your claim in…out of what? You’re presumably in quarantine, you shouldn’t be out doing much else with your time if you’re not working.

            Please everyone, just go through the hoops and get the benefits you deserve and are owed in this situation. It’s there for this exact reason.

        3. (Former) HR Expat*

          Sorry- I meant that they haven’t been working at all and haven’t been able to use PTO to cover the time off.

        4. MissDisplaced*

          YES you can apply! Many states are waiving the waiting week.
          My company is enacting non-consecutive furloughs and we can apply for unemployment. It will be the same claim, but some weeks you may work, and keep the claim open.

      2. Lucette Kensack*

        You should be eligible for unemployment even if it’s not a “complete furlough” (i.e. if your hours or pay have been reduced).

    2. Bostonian*

      As for your second question, your end date would be the layoff date, if it came to that. Usually furlough means you’re still employed by that company, just not doing work or getting paid, so I would count that time.

    3. Artemesia*

      I would be absolutely searching for a job now — or at least getting all your materials ready and thinking long and hard about strategies and possible directions for the search. There will be many companies that don’t bounce back. My adult kids are both facing this. One has so far escaped a layoff but hundreds of others have been and he may well be; the other has her job but clients are not able to continue or pay for projects and so the CEO/owner of the small company is working hard to keep people on the payroll but there will be limits to how long she can make it happen. Anyone who is furloughed should assume that the job may well disappear and be planning their next steps and perfecting resume now so they can hit the ground running. When I went through a catastrophic merger that resulted in about a third of the employees losing their jobs (whole departments were cut that overlapped with the predator company) the handwriting had been on the wall for awhile. Those who read it right and made their move early, were the ones who got good jobs. Those who waited missed out on the limited opportunities in the area.

      2. Knitter*

        Yes, agreed. When I was laid off from a nonprofit, I knew things were financially rocky. But I was really committed to the work so I took the risk. Just when it looked like things were turning around and I had just been promoted, I was laid off.
        Things are always more clear in hindsight, but there were signs I was ignoring that I should have jumped ship earlier. I’d say being furloughed is one of those signs.

        1. Artemesia*

          LOL. Yeah I got promoted just a week before the merger that ended up with a third of the company laid off. You can’t count on anything in times like these.

      3. Fikly*

        Entirely agree.

        Even if you end up still employeed at the end of this, what’s the worst result? You have an updated resume and a better idea of what opportunities are out there, and you spent some time.

      4. Fikly*

        Entirely agree.

        Even if you end up still employeed at the end of this, what’s the worst result? You have an updated resume and a better idea of what opportunities are out there, and you spent some time.

      5. Viette*

        I agree completely. Furloughing staff is a big deal; it says a lot about the company’s finances and their workload. They don’t have *any* work for the OP to do, and it’s not their budget to pay the OP for the next month. And their reassurances have been wimpy at best — being told that the company will “‘check in’ on the status of those who are furloughed in a month” is saying clearly that they don’t expect to have any work or any money for the OP for at least a month and they’re leaving the door open for it to be longer than that.

        At some point the company having neither work nor money for their employees becomes the company laying those people off, and if the company is estimating a month before a check in? Yeah, I would start acting like this job is going to disappear permanently.

    4. AnnieMouse*

      Look for another job, even though there isn’t much out there. Reach out to folks on LinkedIn, hell write a post about being furloughed, people may reach out to you!
      The company I work for laid off or furloughed 75% of our staff. We furloughed the low wage employees so they would remain on our health insurance as long as possible without having to go through COBRA. We’d like to bring people back, but I don’t have confidence in the market. Obviously there’s no way to say you are in the same boat, but be as proactive as you can manage.

    5. SunnySideUp*

      There are a bunch of recent articles out there about what to do if furloughed. I’d suggest Google and then drill down for your state’s specific laws.

  4. Grits McGee*

    Does anyone have some good recommendations for beginner-level electronic records management resources? I’m an archivist who is trying to learn more about digital archiving, but I’m getting held up because I’m not familiar with a lot of the vocab/acronyms and the basic processes. (As an example- I’m familiar with most of the common file format names- PDF, TIFF, DOC, etc- but I’m getting hung up on XML and PST and having to constantly google in the middle of trainings.) I don’t need to know how to program, but I do need to understand what programmers are saying.

    1. Alex*

      I don’t know about digital archiving, but I highly recommend w3schools for a basic XML tutorial (they also have great tutorials in other topics, not sure about PST). It’s super basic but is a great start to learning how things work.

    3. brightstar*

      Online sources include ARMA International and AIIM. ARMA is the primary organization for records and information governance with a lot of good resources, though they charge for most of them.

      If you’re getting hung up on the more technical aspects, like PST is the file format for archiving emails, you might want to look into reading the CDIA+ Certification Study guide, which may still be available at Amazon. That is for digital imaging, but the certification was retired a few years ago.

      I’ll post some links as a separate comment for you.

    4. KimmyBear*

      I work tangentially with our records management department and I know there are several records management associations. Have you checked out their websites for resources?

      1. Grits McGee*

        Yeah, I’m involved with some working groups and taken trainings; my biggest issue is that I haven’t been able to find anything that is basic enough and broad enough to really get 100% of what I need to understand from the resources I’ve been able to find. Something like, “Baby’s First Guide to Archival File Formats and Transfer + Legacy Email”. :)

    5. MissBliss*

      This is not specific to your request, but Wikipedia has a very long article with file format names. Would it be possible to keep it open while you’re in trainings, to refer to when needed?

    7. Throwaway123*

      You can read some white papers from the preservica website or look into the SAA DAS certification. I got certified. If you have some specific questions you can ask me.

  5. Insert Witty Name Here*

    My friend “Karen” was “permanently laid off” due to the virus. (Others in her department were furloughed.)
    She went to work Monday and was in the building. The next day, while working from home, she was told via video conference that she was permanently laid off. They were going to ship her belongings to her and she was to send back anything that belonged to the company.

    I feel awful for her because she had been with the company for almost 10 years and the fact that she couldn’t even say goodbye to coworkers must be horrible.

    I’ve been checking on her to see if she is alright, but feel so bad for her. Is there anything that I can do to help her through this?

    1. TimeCat*

      I think it just sucks. I have been using my local indie bookstore (which is now online only) to send care packages. You might look into sending something she likes using a local store to both support a business and help her out.

      1. TimeCat*

        I realize it’s not job advice but I honestly can’t think of any in job advice, as you aren’t a coworker.

      2. Diahann Carroll*

        That’s actually a really sweet idea. If I were dealing with this, I’d like to receive something like that.

      3. The Man, Becky Lynch*

        I’m sending “quarantine gifts” from Etsy to some folks to cheer them up as well.

    2. Nita*

      Following. One person in my department was laid off this week. I don’t know the specifics, but they’ve been a really good coworker and I feel horrible for them. I want to reach out but just… don’t know what support I can offer other than saying “I’m sorry, how awful.” Maybe I could offer to be a reference, but who’s hiring now in our industry? Probably no one.

      1. Venus*

        I think that reaching out with a comment about how much you enjoyed having them as a coworker, as well as offering to be a reference, is probably more valuable than any physical gift. Losing a job, even when laid off, is demoralizing and therefore the morale boost of hearing “I’m really going to miss your good work and good company” is hopefully going to help them. Even if they never need you as a reference, it’s still a big thing to offer as it shows that you are willing to vouch for them and their work.

        1. Knitter*

          I’d also add something like “keep me posted on your job search. I’ll let you know if I hear of anything that might interest you.” Then follow up periodically.

          I was laid off in the slow period of my industry so I was out of work a looong time. I would reach out to contacts to let them know I was still looking. It was super nerve wracking and I felt really embarrassed (which I didn’t need to be) that I was still looking. It would have been a relief if someone had been proactive about checking in about my job search.
          (Not to say you need to, but it is one way to help)

    3. Artemesia*

      A great time to send a gift to lift spirits. How about a gift card to a local restaurant that does deliveries right now. We are getting take out once a week from our favorite little restaurant in the neighborhood in hopes that if enough people do that, they will able to make rent and skate through before things open up again. Being able to order a good meal helps her and a business.

      And while she is apparently not one of the stronger workers in her company, she has the advantage of knowing she is out of a job and so can plan her job search and get it underway. Her peers who are furloughed may end up not having jobs either and she is able to get out there before they are in competition with her.

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        PLEASE don’t assume anything about the strength of people laid off now! She may simply have been working on a project that lost all funding.
        Layoffs are financial decisions.

        1. BadWolf*

          Yes — I work on a team of 4, if they were going to reduce headcount, I assume they would cut me. They would probably keep my team leader and then I’m the next most senior. So it would save them more to cut me and keep the two more junior members who are still pretty good.

          1. Artemesia*

            Perhaps. When most are furloughed but one is laid off it does suggest they are not someone the business wants to keep but perhaps not — could be a project that crashed. So good point.

      2. CL Cox*

        I wouldn’t assume that she was laid off because she wasn’t a good worker. It’s far more likely that it was because she was the highest paid, due to longevity.

    4. Colette*

      How does she feel about it? Because this is all about you, not her.

      I’m concerned that you’re trying to help but actually making it harder for her – for one thing, checking in about how she’s doing makes it her job to manage your feelings. If you want to check in, I’d make it more about things you can do. “I’m going to the grocery store, can I pick anything up for you?”, “hey, want to play this online game/watch this online movie together?”

      Keep the lines of communication open, but don’t ask her constantly how she’s doing or how the job search is going.

      2. atgo*

        I think offers to help are great, but I don’t agree with stopping asking how she’s doing. When I’ve been going through hard times, I’ve really appreciated the people who made it a point to ask me how I was doing regularly. It reminded me that they cared and were invested in my wellbeing. Everybody’s different, and it sounds like maybe you wouldn’t like that kind of check in, but that’s exactly what is supportive to me when I’m hurting.

        Insert Witty Name Here, maybe it’s worth asking your friend what kind of support would be most helpful, and giving some options? That way she could tell you if you checking in is burdensome, as Collette would find it, or helpful.

        1. Fikly*

          Everyone is different – that’s why the best thing to do is to ask someone if they would like to talk about how they are doing, for example, rather than directly ask them how they are doing. It’s much less pressure and correctly focuses on what they need, rather than what you want.

      3. Eukomos*

        I don’t follow how asking someone how they’re doing requires them to manage your emotions? If you react to their response in an emotional way then sure, but you don’t have to do that. The question is an invitation to them to vent if they want to, and presumably if you’re offering you expect to be able to pull off a supportive and non-taxing response if they do decide they want to talk to you about it.

        1. Colette*

          Asking once is ok … asking every day can become a burden-especially if it’s from someone you wouldn’t otherwise talk to that often.

        2. Fikly*

          It’s less of an invitation and more of a demand, especially because we are so socially programmed that the only acceptable answer to “how are you doing” is a positive one.

          1. Audiophile*

            I think people forget this a lot. From an early age, most people are told that the appropriate response to “How are you?” is “I’m fine.” In fact, I often notice when people deviate from that answer because it can be so jarring.

            I don’t think anyone is suggesting don’t check in on your friend, just to be mindful of the questions you’re asking.

    5. Chaordic One*

      Usually, you would spend some time with her and let her grieve. You’d spend some time distracting her from the pain of the moment and some time building her back up and supporting her as she works on her resume, conducts a job search and goes on interviews. And that’s a lot harder to do when you can’t actually spend time with her.

      I would advise her to wait until she gets her personal property back before she returns the employer’s equipment. (Earlier there was letter from someone who was saying that they weren’t going to return their employer’s equipment because it isn’t safe to go to the post office, and it’s true.)

      Make sure she applies for unemployment. Continue to call her and let her vent for a while. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks we might be through peak virus and you’ll be able to spend some time with her in person. It might take several weeks before things settle down enough to begin a job search in earnest so encourage her to do what she can so that she’ll be ready when the time comes. Get her house in order and those kinds of things that people are doing anyway when they are under lockdown.

    6. CheddarHoltEsq.*

      Simply staying in touch is probably the most important thing you can do. Also, her self esteem has probably taken a huge hit, so take any opportunity to send her a compliment or ask her advice or help (without requiring a lot effort from her) with something she excels at that’s not related to her career. If she’s dealing with financial insecurity, think of practical gifts like grocery or meal kit deliveries, a streaming service membership, or a subscription beauty box, depending on her interest or needs obviously. You seem like a very caring friend and I’m sure she’ll appreciate whatever efforts you make.

  6. Mouse*

    My company is planning to move us to a 4-day work week, with a corresponding 20% reduction in pay in a few weeks after this pay cycle. I am salaried exempt at just over the exempt threshold. Is this legal? I thought the point of being exempt was that it doesn’t matter how many hours you work, which is why I’m not paid for overtime. I understand that times are super hard right now, and I don’t blame my employer, but I can’t make my rent with this new salary when I already wasn’t making much. I also need to know if this will make me non-exempt. Is the exempt salary threshold based on “40 hours”, or does it not matter?

    1. doreen*

      It would be legal for them to impose a pay reduction going forward, even without reducing your hours so I can’t imagine why a pay reduction with reduced hours would be illegal. What usually isn’t legal is for them to reduce your salary for a particular week based on the number of hours/days worked in a that week, as in you are paid $X for a week in which you work 5 days and $X-20% for a week in which you work 4 days.

      1. Natalie*

        Generally speaking you can reduce someone’s salary for most full day absences – personal reasons that aren’t related to a sickness or disability, sickness/disability absences when there is a bona fide sick pay plan, suspensions, etc. But yes, you can’t deduct salary based on total hours alone.

        1. Huff*

          That’s not true for salaried exempt employees in the US. If you work any part of the week, you have to be paid for the full week, unless it’s your first or last week on the job.

          1. Natalie*

            It absolutely is true for the US:

            Deductions from pay are allowed:

            When an employee is absent from work for one or more full days for personal reasons other than sickness or disability;
            For absences of one or more full days due to sickness or disability if the deduction is made in accordance with a bona fide plan, policy or practice of providing compensation for salary lost due to illness;
            To offset amounts employees receive as jury or witness fees, or for temporary military duty pay;
            For penalties imposed in good faith for infractions of safety rules of major significance;
            For unpaid disciplinary suspensions of one or more full days imposed in good faith for workplace conduct rule infractions;
            In the employee’s initial or terminal week of employment if the employee does not work the full week, or
            For unpaid leave taken by the employee under the Federal Family and Medical Leave Act.

            (bolding mine, source link in reply)

            3. Dancing Otter*

              Unless there’s something you didn’t include in your excerpt, all of those are *personal* reasons or disciplinary. Letter writer isn’t choosing to take a day off every week, and she isn’t being disciplined for a safety violation or conduct rule violation.
              They are treating her as non-exempt, and it will come back to bite them later when they return to full-time and don’t want to pay overtime.

            4. Huff*

              Thanks for posting the source. I had always read “As a general rule, if the exempt employee performs any work during the workweek, he or she must be paid the full salary amount.” I guess I assumed the rule is much more general than it actually is.

    2. Claire*

      I would think that if your new pay brings you to below the exempt threshold, you’d probably have to be reclassified as non-exempt…but also if you’re going to a 4 day workweek, you probably won’t be going over 40 hours per week very often, so you wouldn’t be getting overtime pay anyway, unless you’re in one of those states where overtime is calculated daily rather than weekly (I think California is one of those, not sure if there are any others). I’m sorry, that sucks a lot.

    3. I'm A Little Teapot*

      Given that your pay is going to decrease – check if you’d quality for unemployment under the new law. Can’t hurt to investigate.

      1. LQ*

        20% decrease won’t be eligible even now. Not to tell companies how to cheat, but they are better off doing a week on week off rotation for people.

        *Yes Unemployment varies by state, and states will tell you to apply. But this is a no go in all the states I know of.

        1. PollyQ*

          As you say, it varies, but in many states, having your hours & pay cut does qualify you for partial unemployment, so it’s definitely worth it to check.

          1. LQ*

            Definately worth a check. I just don’t want to get people’s hopes up too much. I know a lot of employers have been cutting hours and a lot of employers a politicians have been telling people they will qualify for unemployment. Except that’s not the case all the time and a lot of people are angry about it.

            You’re nearly always better off with an on/off schedule.

            OR make your employer sign up for Shared Work. Which WILL qualify you for benefits even if you have a cut that wouldn’t normally make it worth it. (Sorry I forgot about Shared Work last night. Tell your employer to apply for Shared Work. It’s super slow to process right now in most places, but it’s a good deal.)

    4. fposte*

      Agreeing with Claire that it sounds like you will become non-exempt; there is no pro-rated exemption threshold for employees working under 40 hours per week. And sorry, yes, this is likely legal since it’s going forward.

    5. WellRed*

      The company gets to decide what constitutes a workweek. I’m salaried and don’t work 40 hours.

    6. CAA*

      If your new weekly earnings will be less than $684, then you can no longer be classified as an exempt employee. It doesn’t matter how many hours per week you’re scheduled to work, it’s the same minimum whether you work one day or five. You can still do the same job, but your employer must follow all the state and federal labor laws for non-exempt employees regarding breaks, minimum wage, paying for all time worked, overtime, etc.

      Have a conversation with your manager and explain that “when our salaries are reduced by 20%, that will put me at $xxx per week which is below the minimum of $684 for exempt employees. Is there any way to keep me at that minimum? If not, how do you want to handle timecards and overtime? If there won’t be any possibility of being paid for more than 32 hrs per week, then I want to make sure we’re on the same page and you know that as a non-exempt employee I won’t be allowed to answer work email or texts outside of my regularly scheduled hours.”

    7. ynotlot*

      You can file for partial unemployment for the 20% of hours that have been cut. Do it soon and expect it to take some time (they’re really overloaded) but you should be approved.

    8. Wisteria*

      Yup, it’s legal. I was in just such a situation during the early 00s recession. It totally sucks, but it’s better than being laid off.

  7. Teapot Translator*

    Student in the time of a pandemic thread?
    How has pandemic changed your studies? Have classes been cancelled or moved online?

    1. Teapot Translator*

      The university where I study has switched all classes online. So all I do now is work and study. Other measures taken by the university: they’ve extended the deadline to drop out (I figure that for some students, studying from home doesn’t work or they’re busy trying to survive financially and mentally); they’ve changed the grade system (instead of a letter, we can choose passed/failed), etc. They’ve already announced that the spring semester will be online (I don’t even want to think about what that means for the length of time the social distancing measures will be in place). As I can do nothing with my life but work, feed myself and study, I’ve signed up for the spring semester. From what I understand, I already have the books required for that class so I might as well do it now. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.

      1. Artemesia*

        From the other side. I have a friend who is in his last semester of college teaching and who has avoided learning on line instruction for years now because he absolutely did not want to teach that way — so now in literally his last semester of his career he is hustling to learn how as he will be finishing the semester on line. He is very conscientious and wants this to be a strong learning experience for his students and so he is working very very long hours to learn the technology of instruction (both computer and instructional technology) and to make sure it works well for students.

        1. Teapot Translator*

          That is very generous of him!
          It must be quite an adaptation for a lot of teachers who have never had to teach online before. It’s definitely not the same.

        2. CL Cox*

          To be perfectly honest, learning the online teaching process is a good skill for him. A lot of colleges were already offering some classes as online only or partially online. I suspect that when this pandemic is all over, a lot of colleges will be looking at how successful their online learning was and whether it makes more sense for them to pivot toward that for some classes. Being willing to teach that format will make him more desirable. You might want to gently point out to him that being open to learning new technologies and teaching methods is important; otherwise, he could find himself being frozen out of jobs in the future. One of our oldest teachers (she’s retiring this year) is one of the first to learn new methods and technology and is helping mentor others as our district has moved toward distance learning.

          1. Filosofickle*

            My BF is in grad school to become a therapist. He’s frustrated by the switch to online for many reasons but of course one of them is how much harder it is for him to engage in their therapy practice sessions via video/voice. I’m encouraging him to embrace it because even though he chose an in-person program and expects to do in-person therapy, mastering this modality can only be helpful to his career. This may be one more way he can serve people.

    2. Mimmy*

      My Masters program has always been online, so no change there, but my school has had to switch in-person classes to online. I was worried that it would bog down the system, but so far I haven’t seen any significant slow downs.

      What HAS been impacted is that, since everything started, one of my professors has been almost entirely MIA. Professor did mention some disruption to the household in one announcement and told a couple of students who emailed directly about being sick. I have a feeling that Professor is extremely overwhelmed and probably doesn’t want to admit it. But it’s really impacted some of us because the instructions for projects and due dates and other course aspects have been unclear and we feel like we’re on our own for the most part with little direction. I get that asynchronous online classes are essentially self-study, but when the instructor is of little use, it’s really disheartening. I and another classmate have reported this to the school.

      This is my first semester in the program, and I’m praying that this is just an outlier. I think Professor would’ve been less than helpful even without the pandemic based on our experiences before the pandemic hit.

    3. Teacher Lady*

      I actually just signed up for a graduate-level class, which I realize is maybe a weird choice since I am also adjusting to working from home (a truly wild situation for me since I teach elementary school) and also looking for a new job. The flexibility that I have in terms of when I work and the “bonus” time I now have in my day thanks to not having to commute to work (plus the commuting I won’t have to do to the university that offers this class, since it’s online) makes it a little bit easier, though. The university I’m taking the course at (along with all others in the area) have moved fully online, so even if I do go back to work in-person at any point before the end of the academic year, I’ll still be studying online.

      I’ve done a handful of other online courses, and I do generally prefer in-person to online, but this is the first course I’ve taken while working full time so I think the benefits of distance learning will outweigh the drawbacks. Studied the syllabus and ordered my books yesterday, first class is next Thursday.

      1. Teapot Translator*

        I forgot to mention the commuting! That definitely factored into my decision to sign up for the spring semester. The class is in the evening, twice a week. Not having to go physically to the university means I’ll go to bed at a reasonable hour. If life was still normal, I would not have signed up.

        1. Teacher Lady*

          Yup. This particular course was scheduled for a weekday evening from 6:00-9:30 PM or something like that – I live 30 minutes from the university, so that means I’d hopefully get home at 10:00 PM after being up at 5:00 AM and before having to get up at the same time the next morning. If I decide to enroll for the full degree program, I noticed that the next course it would make sense for me to take is intentionally scheduled to be online.

    4. Middle School Teacher*

      All of my classes are online and the last two sessions of my winter term were cancelled. I used the crisis as inspiration for my final paper. My spring class starts in May and it’ll definitely be online, just not sure when or how.

    5. Stephanie*

      My kids are both college students. My daughter is a senior, and my son is a freshman, and they go to the same school. Their school is in a hotspot, and we live in a suburb about 20 minutes away. Their spring break was extended for a week, and then all classes were moved to online learning. My son was living in a dorm on campus. The college did not completely close on campus housing, but allowed students to stay if they had no better options. We officially moved him out early on, and he’s back with us. My daughter was living in an off-campus apartment with a roommate, but is also back living with us. Her roommate is also back home with her parents.
      My daughter has adjusted pretty well to online learning, but my son does not like it, at all. It’s been a bit of a struggle for him not having face-to-face interactions. Their school has said that all students have the option to have letter grades for this semester or just pass/fail. For one class, up to all of them. And they can decide which option right up to graduation. Which is really the best way to address it, I think.

    6. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

      We’re all online. However, most our teachers are technology adverse (ironically, being this an Engineering only university), so what most of them do is… “Go read this chapter for this week”, which is everything but teaching. Also, since I’m working around ten hours per day, I’m having serious difficulties to concentrate. At this point I think it would be better if they cancel thr entire academic year for good.

      1. Justme, The OG*

        I work in a College of Engineering and so many of the faculty are averse to technology and hate online education (I work with online programs anyway). And it’s ironically the younger faculty I’m talking about here.

      2. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

        I just remembered that several important courses (Introduction to Programming, Syntax and Semantics and Operating Systems, for instance) rely heavily on… Yahoo Groups. * facepalm *

      3. CL Cox*

        Ah, but then they’d have to refund tuition. Most colleges are going to anything they can to prevent that.

    7. Liane*

      My daughter, as some of you may recall, had started at a fashion college, and had just about finished her second course. Classes are online now. (Previously, only the Intro was.) College still follows their 5 hours once/week, and they meet via video. Has to be video since this is mostly practical. Last week they were learning how to draft patterns. I listened to a little while I, quietly went about my day and like the way School Founder teaches.

    8. KoiFeeder*

      All online classes. It’s fine for me, because I have all the equipment I need at home base, but it’s definitely been a struggle for my peers who can’t necessarily afford all the needed equipment.

      1. KoiFeeder*

        Also, the response of my first-choice school has been eye-opening in a very unpleasant way. I’m frankly grateful that they rejected me, seeing what’s gone on.

        1. Thorisa*

          Bingo! Staff at my university have heard a lot of concerns from students planning to go to graduate or medical schools. They’re worried that they’ll be seen as weaker candidates if they choose a P/F grading basis for this semester. I just want to tell them that if any school raises an eyebrow, they absolutely DO NOT want to be a student there!

          1. KoiFeeder*

            Absolutely, especially for a medical school. If a medical school doesn’t think an actual pandemic is worth choosing a P/F grading basis, I don’t want to see the type of medical personnel that school churns out!

          2. Clisby*

            I’m an auditing student and take one course a semester for fun, but several students in my architectural history course said recently that they’ve been told graduate schools take a dim view of a Pass grade rather than a letter grade, so they’re worried about using that option.

            1. KoiFeeder*

              Honestly, just reassure them that any school that cares more about the type of grade than the fact that there was a pandemic going on is a school that cares more about the money the students are bringing in for them than about whether or not the students are learning anything. It’s kinda like those teachers that brag about having a 30% pass rate in their class- they’re not rigorous, they’re not even teaching, they’re just making people waste money.

    9. Zephy*

      Not me, but Partner is a student right now, and all of his classes converted to online-only by the third week of March. I’ve been working from home, too, so we’re both going to school and work in the living room, sitting at our respective computers. He hates online classes, he much prefers the structure and change of scenery that comes with needing to be in a place at a time for in-person classes, but to his credit, he is knuckling down and getting through them.

    10. Belgian*

      Classes all moved online, usually just with the professor recording a video of themselves lecturing. I had to report one professor to the school because he went MIA for a couple of weeks. He posted 4 weeks of classes in 1 week so now I have to play catch-up (hard to do combined with a full-time job). We will get a new exam schedule by the end of April. Exams can run one week longer and can, as a last resort, be scheduled on Sundays to ensure there are enough available rooms to sit far enough apart. Oral exams will be taken through video chat (though I have none of those).

    11. Pam*

      I’m an advisor, not a student. All of our classes are virtual/online, as is advising. We are working to help our students through, hrlp them find e=resources, and be supportive.

    12. Copenhagen*

      My country is in national lockdown so naturally my university is closed and the classes have moved online. My professor has handled this by e-mailing us once a week or so, and the upper management has decided that exams will go on as planned, even though all libraries and archives are closed (and will stay closed for at least another month, probably longer). So I’m stuck at home with zero of the materials I need and all I get is a weekly e-mail from a professor who thinks that this will all blow over and then we can get back to whatever she had planned for the semester. Right now she has us making Power Point presentations on our projects (that we can’t work on due to the lack of access to materials) so we can do presentations “when we meet back up again”.

      I feel like i’m stuck in a parallel universe where people expect me to perform magic to keep up with what they want from me.

    13. Misty*

      My classes are going poorly. They are all online, it’s been very hard to get ahold of professors. Before this I was getting all As in my four college classes, now I have no idea how I’m doing in three of the classes. Three of my classes aren’t teaching at all and are just telling us to turn in the rest of the papers on the due dates for the rest of the semester. So basically they cut out the teaching part of college and it’s all just online homework.

    14. Worked in IT forever*

      Part-time mature student here, in Canada. I have been taking evening classes at a local university. These are “continuing studies” classes–not classes that are part of a degree, but classes you take just out of interest or to help with a career.

      The university shut down for in-class courses at the end of the winter session and is converting as much as possible to online for the spring. I’m scheduled for two spring courses, one of which is now going to be online and one of which is in limbo. I would not be surprised if both courses are cancelled due to lack of enrollment. Even if the instructor is willing to teach online, I’ll bet that some people won’t want to pay the normal tuition for a course that’s now online and is not a job requirement, especially if they are now out of work or worried about their job. Some people might postpone learning for a time when the course is available in a real classroom.

    15. Tomacco*

      My science theory classes have moved online, but the hands-on, practical classes have all been paused. It’s been a mixed bag: the school simply doubled up all of our science classes (anatomy, physiology etc.) so that we’re given twice the amount of lectures (3 hours at a time, twice a day) in a week with little time to actually learn or study the material. It has been incredibly stressful, to be honest.

      I hate learning online, I being dragged down by the constant studying, and I’m losing my focus and enthusiasm for the program. I really hate being a student and not having any down-time. It was stressful before quarantine but at least I had good physical outlets and a good handle on how to handle anxiety and stress etc. With the pandemic all that is thrown to the wind, and I’m having a lot of doubts about the future job market. I’m starting to wish I hadn’t quit my well-paying job with excellent benefits back in the fall. Going back to school later in life was a gamble, and with everything that’s happening and with the future so uncertain I’m feeling like I made a grave mistake.

    16. Tessera Member 042*

      A little different from most here, but I am a PhD student gearing up to defend my dissertation, which will now be done through a Zoom video conference. Now I have to figure out how to be productive when living in a constant low-level state of anxiety and an inability to focus on writing for more than an hour at a time. Also navigating the disruption of all my routines (going to the public library to write, informing my husband of conference calls, etc). All this for a very anticlimactic experience — won’t even get to enjoy a drink with my committee after I (hopefully) pass.

      The one saving grace is that I was already teaching online community college classes, so the delivery hasn’t changed for my students. But of course there’s all the accompanying problems of computer access at home, child or elder care, navigating working from home and study, not to mention those who have lost jobs. One of my students also just lost her coworker to the virus, and my heart goes out to her. I’m extending all flexibility possible in deadlines and trying to be more present in discussions and responding to emails promptly, but I just feel like I’m not doing well enough at either teaching or my dissertation. Struggling for balance is real.

    17. allathian*

      I’m doing a one-year course for a professional certificate I need to advance in my job. The last seminar and final exam have been postponed until August/September. We had one seminar as a webinar in late March. So I could say yes to both your questions.

  8. abundance of caution*

    Want to help me brainstorm ways to best support direct reports who are now working remotely? Things that seem to be working with my department:
    1. Offering- but not requiring- lots of Zoom check-ins (most are participating daily)
    2. Being transparent as possible with what I know about the larger organization’s plans and decision making
    3. Providing flexibility in hours/days
    4. Encouraging people to focus on their health
    5. Explicitly and consistently saying productivity will look different now- and my expectations are very flexible
    6. Reminding people of EAP and other benefits they can take
    What’s working for you and your coworkers?

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      Those all sound good. I’d just say that for #5, you may also want to say exactly what you want productivity to look like and give clear measures of your expectations.

    2. Elizabeth Proctor*

      Being explicit that it’s okay if kids show up on video/audio, or if people need to take a break to take care of a childcare thing. Asking them how you can help them prioritize work so they can make decisions about what to spend their time on.

    3. JustMyImagination*

      My management made it clear this week that there are only certain hours we can schedule meetings during the day. This allows people to take breaks and also parents to plan around their kids and spouses schedules.

      1. Artemesia*

        This seems really smart. My daughter does a lot of conference calling with co-workers and clients; being able to organize for her older child to babysit the toddler around stable times makes it a lot easier. Since small kids nap, making one of those times early afternoon probably makes it easier for many parents with pre-school age kids. With older kids, just knowing the times for meetings makes it easier to have the kid doing screen time or school time or whatever during the times scheduled meetings times.

    4. WantonSeedStitch*

      These all sound good! I’ve also reminded my reports (direct and indirect) that just because they’re working from home, it doesn’t mean that they can’t take vacation time if they feel the need for it.

      I’ve also emphasized the need to err on the side of over-communication about work matters, for the sake of clarity. My direct reports each manage a team of several people, and I’ve encouraged them to be abundantly clear when giving directions to their teams, and to remind their teams to be very clear in things like acknowledging receipt of information or assignments.

      1. Artemesia*

        It is a great time for managers to learn better managing and also for everyone to be clearer about productivity. One of the major reasons for poor management is lack of clarity about the metrics of success; this may force mediocre managers to think about measurements of productivity and success.

    5. fposte*

      Can I add that if your workplace is covered by the Families First Coronavirus Response Act to make sure employees have the relevant information? Ours is covered and the info is unhelpfully buried (to be fair, it’s partially because there was so much early messaging about handling coronavirus leave).

    6. YetAnotherGenXDevManager*

      Model the behavior you want to see – so don’t work excessive hours, don’t send late night emails or slack messages, focus on your own health, if you’re taking advantage of the EAP or something else, being open about that can also help.

      My director has a weekly standing therapist appointment and is open about it, so it made it easier for me to be able to tell my team “I’m not available during this hour on Fridays due to a therapy appointment”.

    7. TiffIf*

      This could be lumped under #6 but I’d explicitly remind people to take PTO/vacation, just like they normally would to avoid burnout.

      People may be reluctant to take PTO/vacation because there are travel restrictions in many places/tourist attractions closed so it is just more staying at home–but you still need the break from work.

    8. Anon-a-souras*

      Suggest things they might need to do their work and then help them get them. Keyboards, mice, decent headsets, monitors, etc. we have a ‘graveyard’ room where Non-data containing electronics go before they’re recycled. We can have anything for home use if there’s something suitable there first, since ordering new can take a while.

    9. scamper12*

      Props on “not requiring” in #1. My department has increased the frequency of (zoom) team activities during our isolation so that we can stay connected. For some reason we don’t just do a happy hour though, we always have to include some kind of silly game. My director, who otherwise is one of my favorite people in the world, 100% thinks she’s doing a nice thing because she enjoys these activities so much. And most of my co-workers do, too. I’m glad for them! But for me these games are kinda draining, and I don’t have a lot to give right now. Making them optional would be so helpful.

      1. SunnySideUp*

        It sounds like your relationship with your director is solid — why not tell her what you’ve said to us?

    10. Coverage Associate*

      Make available information about 401k’s, etc. and the new exceptions for withdrawals, loans, etc. Just because your workers are being paid doesn’t mean their partners are.

    11. CL Cox*

      It would also be helpful, I think, to let them know/remind them of the ettiquette around virtual meetings. A lot fo people seem to be forgetting that not only are they visible, but so is everything behind them. And computer micriphones pick up a lot more background noise than phones do, so they need to mute thei microphones when they’re not actually talking.

      Offer quick tips for any new programs (like Zoom or Teams or the like) or any new compnents of existing programs. If you do have an important upcoming meeting, offer a trial run for anyone who is unsure how to connect.

      Have a designated person on your team who will handle specific topics (IT, HR, benefits) and share their email/contact info. This will help prevent everyone calling about the same problem and make it easier for IT or HR or whoever to get through all the requests.

    12. MissDisplaced*

      I personally hate daily check-ins and prefer more like 2x per week. But the amount may depend on the type of work you do and how much your team needs to communicate, and how actively.
      But I hate it if it’s really just about presentism. They should be useful to people not a burden.

      1. abundance of caution*

        Agreed. I’m on a lot of different “teams” for my organization; most meet just 1x or 2x week. My department is really close knit and asked for daily check ins. Each week I ask what type of schedule they want for the coming week, too, in case needs change.

      2. Mr. Shark*

        I agree. My boss suggested possible daily check-ins, and I bristled at the idea, and actually pushed back “Why would we need a daily check-in?”. We meet once a week as a smaller team and then also once as a bigger team, but we are all on the same meetings on various projects almost daily. I don’t see why I need an additional check-in. We also have Slack so are in touch already.
        Adding another check-in just would get on my nerves. I don’t need to be babysat. We all work pretty independently and drive our own tasks for the majority of the time.

    13. Fikly*

      This came from my company’s head of HR and the CEO, not my manager, but it would have worked from my manager.

      They talked about how this is a marathon, not a sprint. Burning out is not going to help anyone. We all need to remember to speak up if we need help, and even if we can’t go anywhere, take PTO, even if that means just watching Netflix on the couch or playing video games all day

      What has helped from my manager – because priorities at work have been changing rapidly because I work in telemedicine – has been frequent check-ins where we basically go over things that are currently on my desk and literally put them on a list in order of most important (plus explicit deadlines for those tasks that have them) to least important. Or sometimes I’ll just slack her and ask something like, I have time left today to do x or y, which needs to happen? I’m comfortable and used to prioritizing my tasks during a typical day, but my days have not been typical lately.

    14. Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd (ENTP)*

      I would add: Being transparent (to the extent that you can be, I realize some things are private) about your own schedule and meetings etc.

      Whilst in the office there’s often a sort of a visibility where the boss says something that they are “off to the weekly The TTM Meeting” or whatever, then walks off to the meeting. Now that’s much less visible and if you have “worriers” in your team (of which I admit to being one) they may be speculating about every time you say you are “busy until 11.00” or whatever.

    15. Skeeder Jones*

      Make sure they have multiple ways to reach you. Our VPN is overly taxed right now with a sudden, and massive influx of remote employees (some teams, including mine, were already remote but our division has moved 90% of our 6000 employees to remote work). Networks (both employee and manager) can be unstable so if they only know how to reach you through an online avenue or your work phone number (that is now ringing at your empty desk), they might not know how to get in touch with you. It’s also good to have a clear protocol of when they need to let you know if they are away from their “desk”. Is it just for large blocks of time, do you want to know when they go to lunch, etc?

    16. Emma*

      The check-ins are a good shout. If you have anyone furloughed, then I’d also suggest thinking about ways to keep them in the loop socially. I’m wfh but most of my colleagues are furloughed, and management have now set up a WhatsApp group with all staff (we’re a small company), and it’s been really great to hear from and chat with my furloughed colleagues. Especially since this all happened so fast and in some cases I went from seeing someone in person and saying “see you next week” to then finding out I won’t see them at all for months, probably.

  9. FMLA issue*

    Not sure if there’s anything I can do about this, and not sure where else to ask.  

    I was furloughed/laid off a few weeks ago. I’m halfway through my pregnancy and due this summer. I was able to keep my health insurance and I asked about my maternity leave. HR said they’d look in to it. 

    They finally responded 2 weeks later and said I can’t collect unemployment and FMLA simultaneously – I said FMLA is my only option so what do I need to do? She comes back and says “oh I forgot to mention – the policy says it’s based on 8 weeks prior since you wont’ be working, you’re better off collecting UI.” At that point we got on the phone and she explained that their policy says the payout is based on the previous 8 weeks of work before going on leave. Since I won’t be working there, 55% of $0 wages is 0 payout. So basically my maternity leave is 0. which I truly wasn’t expecting so this has been a blow. 

    1. TimeCat*

      That’s confusing. So you normally would have 8 weeks at 55% but because you ate currently furloughed your only option is FMLA (which is unpaid)?. Sounds like you should go with UI as something is better than nothing. The advantage to FMLA is protecting your job, but as you’re already furloughed/laid off there seems to be no benefit there.

      1. FMLA issue*

        The way HR explained it to me was that it’s 55% for 10 weeks after going on leave (so, 10 weeks after my delivery). The payout amount is determined on the 8 weeks prior to going on leave. So If I’m going on leave starting 8/1, the payout would be based on my salary in June & July (which since i am furloughed, it’s 0).

        I am pretty sure I cannot claim unemployment during maternity because the question they ask is – are you ready and able and willing to work? I don’t think I will be in a position to work while delivering a baby and recovering.

          1. FMLA issue*

            Yes, filed for UI the day I was laid off on the company’s encouragement. It’s been about 3 weeks now. My state is really messed up right now, many are unable to get through or complete their claim. I am reading about people who are waiting 1+ month for their funds, when everyone was promised “you’ll get $600+ immediately!”

            (sorry if I sound a little heated, I’ve been watching the news about UI in my state and it’s awful what people are going through–it just shows that the “safety net” that we were promised is not at all equipped to handle something of this sort).

        2. blepkitty*

          IIRC they’ve expanded unemployment to cover parents who don’t have other childcare options due to COVID19, so I think you can probably get it (they’ve also got you covered if you’re temporarily laid off because of covid). You’re probably not going to be able to find a daycare right now.

          That said, can you push back at all? HR shouldn’t be quoting standard policies at you when you’re in the middle of an unprecedented situation. It’s possible that there’s nothing they can do, but a “we won’t bother to consider changes to our policy that wasn’t created with this really weird situation in mind” would be a big sign to me to move on when practical.

          1. FMLA issue*

            I’m not sure how I could push back. The HR person (well she’s also the head of HR, it’s a 1 person dept) did promise that she’d look into it more, but she said that’s how the insurance policy is. I feel like I got to keep my health insurance at least, so I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.

            1. blepkitty*

              I see.

              Just to be sure you know, health insurance is nice, but at zero income in a lot of states, Medicaid is an option! They’re not as restrictive about job hunting as UI. I’ve been on it in two states, including when I voluntarily suspended a job hunt to care for my parents, and while it’s tougher to find a doctor than it is on nicer insurance, the care was almost always free or extremely low cost (e.g. $1 premiums for meds).

              1. FMLA issue*

                It is but I’m trying very hard to avoid being on any state assistance aside from UI.
                IT’s a high risk pregnancy and he doesn’t accept Medicaid and I don’t want to suddenly change providers in my 3rd trimester.
                Sigh.

            2. Natalie*

              Ah, it sounds like their “maternity leave” is actually just a short term disability policy. If that’s the case, it’s extremely unlikely the employer can make any changes to how it works.

          2. blepkitty*

            I rescind my first paragraph because I just thought about it more and got extremely confused.

            Second paragraph stands, though. They might not have the money, but they should still put some thought into this.

        3. TimeCat*

          Also don’t assume you can’t collect UI for the entirety of the period you were originally planning on taking for maternity leave. Obviously you’re not able to work, say, the first couple weeks. But after 8 weeks, even though you were originally planning on taking ten? You’d also have to start job searching at least a few weeks before you’d be able to come back. I’d do some searching on your state’s website. I did some googling and found some resources for different states specifically on unemployment and pregnancy.

        4. MissBliss*

          Many states are changing their unemployment requirements to not require job searches, etc, because of COVID-19. You may very well be able to claim unemployment during maternity because of it, particularly because you were laid off. If you are able to get on unemployment now, that may be even more true.

          1. FMLA issue*

            My leave was going to be in September-November so hopefully things are better by then. Right now things change on an hourly/daily basis, so it’s hard to predict anything – just trying to keep my sh*t together.

        5. Fulana del Tal*

          File for UI. I’m confused why would expect FMLA when you’ve been laid off. Right now NY UI knows most people can’t search right now. Again file right now and if you lose your health insurance pregnant women can get medicaid.

        6. Mad Harry Crewe*

          If you are furloughed, you’re still employed, just not collecting wages or doing any work. My understanding is that furloughed employees don’t need to complete the job hunting/available for work requirements of UI, they just need to wait for the position to be reactivated. A quick google search suggests that new mothers do qualify for unemployment – can you do some research on your state’s UI policy?

          To me, it makes sense that if you are furloughed and collecting UI the day before you give birth, you don’t need to stop collecting UI for the next 8 weeks.

          1. Disco Janet*

            I’m assuming from past Friday posts that furloughed isn’t really accurate here – that she’s been laid off, unfortunately. I don’t think she needs to stop collecting UI either though – nearly every state has changed the requirements for filing for UI during this time. Though really, who knows what this will all look like by August.

            1. FMLA issue*

              Yes, my understanding is that it’s furlough since I get to keep my insurance, as my technical status is “Leave of Absence” and not terminated and someone laid off doesn’t keep it.

              I did ask HR in the initial call, and she said it’s semantics. The termination letter states that due to teh pandemic, they had to downsize the staff. Some rumors are swirling that this si temporary and people could come back, but I suppose the job searching is a separate thing that I shouldn’t conflate with this situation.

    2. Generic Name*

      What the eff? I hope HR at least delivered this bad news with some semblance of compassion. Can you talk to your boss? What about talking to someone higher up in HR? These are not normal times, and good companies understand that and are being flexible. If they rigidly point to a pre-corona policy book and tell you this is the way it is, no exceptions, I’d think long and hard about whether or not this is a company I’d want to work for. You may in fact be better off collecting unemployment and then looking for another job at a different company.

      1. FMLA issue*

        I mean yeah they were very compassionate about it, very apologetic. The person I spoke to is the head of HR. I spoke to my former boss as well, but while he was really apologetic, he can’t do anything either.

        She said it’s the insurance policy that pays out FMLA that put this rule in to place, not the company policy so I’m not sure how much leeway there is there.

        1. doreen*

          I’m going to take a guess that your HR person isn’t actually talking about FMLA and is instead talking about a short-term disability insurance policy either from an insurance company or through the state agency that handles workers’ compensation. I don’t know if you work in NY- but in NY , you apply through the Workers’ Compensation Board and although payments are based on the average wages for the last eight weeks of employment, if you have filed for unemployment it looks like those eight weeks might be the last eight weeks you actually worked. There’s actually a separate application form for those who become sick or disabled more than 4 weeks after becoming unemployed. You should contact whichever entity would be paying the benefits because while it’s true that your company won’t have much leeway (since it’s not their rule) it’s also true that HR might not fully understand the details ( since it’s not their rule)

          1. FMLA issue*

            STD was a separate benefit offered by the company that would’ve afforded me another 12 weeks of partially paid leave, but I never opted into it and by the time I was pregnant, I couldn’t enroll in that benefit. I am in NY. I can look into that – i didn’t know much about this. Thank you.

            1. doreen*

              NY actually mandates that most employers provide this disability benefit ( and often charge employees 60 cents a week ) , although employers often offer an additional voluntary policy. Knowing now that you work in NY, I realize that the HR person was probably talking about NYS mandated paid family leave- which is different from short-term disability. I am posting separately with links

            2. lurker :)*

              Is there any chance that they’ll consider “de-furloughing” you? So that you’ll be eligible for the short term-disability? It seems like they are compassionate and that the end of your pregnancy is far enough out that it might be possible?

          2. SomebodyElse*

            I agree, the OP conflating two separate things

            FMLA- Protects your job during recognized events for employees that meet certain criteria
            Short Term Disability- Pays you for certain recognized events

            They are two separate things and you would not be eligible for FMLA because you are not an employee and don’t have a job to protect.

            Short term disability may be able to be used based on the the rules of the insurance policy but it sounds like in this case it’s not going to be an option.

            1. FMLA issue*

              I know they are 2 separate things. I didn’t mention STD in my initial post because my company offered it as a benefit (in addition to the standard health, dental, vision etc) but I didn’t enroll in to that one. When I found out I was expecting HR said I wouldn’t e able to enroll because it’s a “preexisting condition” and insurance would not cover it.

              1. BB*

                Are you still an employee, ie furloughed? Or were you laid off and no longer an employee? Maybe it’s different in NY?

        2. Generic Name*

          Okay, maybe ask if you can speak to the insurance company that handles it then? See if HR is willing to help you by advocating for you? A long time ago, Oprah had a show with a woman who basically acted as a professional advocate for others, and her number one rule was never accept a “no” from someone who isn’t empowered to give you a “yes”. So if the first person you talk to says no, ask them if there is someone else who can maybe help you, maybe their boss? (I find it too aggressive to simply ask to speak to someone’s boss).

    3. FMLA issue*

      It’s such an awesome system/s. 6 years I was there, 4.5 as a permanent employee, months of 60-70 hour workweeks, but it’s the final 8 weeks that wipes it all out. I know millions are in the same position, but given what I’ve experienced, it’s hard not to feel like this was personal decision made against me since everyone who was laid off was contractor/seasonal/intern/admin and not entitled to the benefits. The VP who decided to let me go has had some immense dislike for me since I started. I put up with her abuse for years. When it was finally my time to collect on a benefit I was entitled to from working there, she was the one who decided to take it away. So, yeah, I’m a little bitter and it’s hard to “look on the bright side!” and “be positive!” for right now.

      1. Mouse*

        I don’t want to be that person who leaps to conclusions, but since you said everyone else who was laid off was a different type of worker and not entitled to these benefits….is it possible there was some pregnancy discrimination in your layoff, and could you speak to HR from that angle?

        1. FMLA issue*

          Oh, 100% it was related to that. I just have no proof of it and trying to put it out of my mind for my own mental health.

          1. Stella*

            You should definitely find out your options. And collect any evidence you can think of. Ideally talk to a lawyer. Just to find out about your options.

          2. Mouse*

            The proof, I would think, is that you’re the only one. It’s not someone saying “you were laid off because you’re pregnant”, but I’d think that, combined with their resistance to working something out with your maternity leave, would be enough.

            1. BB*

              I don’t think we can use HR not bring as helpful about leave from 5 months from now during a pandemic as any proof. OP’s HR is dealing with everyone being laid off right now, not just OP. HR probably has never been in this situation before regarding maternity leave. That’s unfair to HR.

    4. DCGirl*

      FMLA is, by definition, 12 weeks of unpaid leave during which your job is protected. It’s not something that you “collect”. There are a number of ways you can get paid during these 12 weeks: employer-paid maternity leave, a short- or long-term disability policy, or the use of forms of accrued paid leave (sick leave, vacation). It sounds like you are asking about your firm’s disability policy. If so, please know that you have the right under ERISA to see the plan documents, so that you can review what it says/doesn’t say for yourself. Is your company covered by COBRA (20 or more employees)? You might be able to continue to make payments on the disability plan through COBRA.

      1. Fulana del Tal*

        Does FMLA apply if someone has been laid off? I’m confused by the terms being used

        1. Disco Janet*

          No. I’m confused too – furloughed and laid off are quite different. Many of the comments here are only useful advice if she’s actually furloughed, but I don’t think that’s the case. Could you clarify, OP? Not trying to be snarky, just want you to get the most useful advice.

          1. AvonLady Barksdale*

            Right. It sounds like a furlough, since the OP is still on the company’s insurance plan. And furloughed workers are eligible for UI, I believe.

          2. FMLA issue*

            Sorry for the confusion everyone, I guess I am confused too as the HR rep has not used specific terms.

            My understanding is that a furloughed employee still gets to keep their benefits (insurance etc) while terminated/laid off does not. However, I could be wrong.

            My company did not state specifically if this was a layoff or furlough. On the phone, they told me due to the pandemic, they had to downsize and that day was my last day. The letter says “Due to the pandemic, company has to downsize and we’ve revoked our at-will employment rights immediately.” Some people have said that it’s temporary and they plan to bring back staff which makes me think this is a furlough.

            1. BB*

              Ok, you need to know this and you need to get clarity from HR, if you do not. As you said, this has a drastic impact on your benefits and your future with the company.

              Often in layoffs, you are allowed to keep benefits such as health insurance for a certain time period. But you wouldn’t be able to take advantage of other benefits, like maternity leave.

              Please talk to HR ASAP about your employment status.

            2. Natalie*

              Unfortunately the insurance doesn’t necessarily clarify anything – companies can chose to continue providing insurance for laid off employees, as a form of severance. You might want to try and get them to clarify what they’re intending here.

              1. Fulana del Tal*

                The letter reads exactly like: laid off but allowed to keep insurance. She needs to find out how long she’s going to have insurance and if the child will be covered once born. I know she stated she wants to avoid Medicaid but she needs to have all her options open.

                1. FMLA issue*

                  I did ask how long I could use the insurance, they said as long as I pay the monthly employee cost, I will have it. However, no specific date was given as they have never done this for anyone.

                  At any point I think they can give me COBRA as an option (which is 102% of the cost and would be a strain for me). Worst comes to worst, I could go on medicaid but I would rather try to be prepared as much as possible beforehand than find myself caught off guard.

            3. Andy*

              It sounds like you were laid off. I think you are reading too much into these comments from “some people”. Unless you were told that by your manager as part of the orocess of terminating your employment, you almost certainly were not furloughed. You would have been told that. Absent any specific reference to being furloughed, you should proceed as if you were laid off.

              1. FMLA issue*

                Oh I just mentioned that as an aside – I’m not expecting to go back nor am I looking towards a future there.

    5. Next Steps*

      There are lots of comments above saying you need to clarify whether you’ve been furloughed or laid off. You also seem anxious to know. I’m not sure that pinning HR down on a technical term will be helpful, and I think that over-focusing on what the whole thing is called is distracting from a clear assessment of the situation. The bottom line is that your employer has stated that it is not in need of your services right now, you have stopped performing work for them, and they are not paying you (though they *are* permitting you to stay on their group insurance policy and covering a portion of the premium for that policy). Treat it like a layoff (with insurance paid for some period of time as essentially severance).

      Your first step, I think, is to find out how long this insurance situation lasts.

      Next (simultaneously, really), you file for unemployment.

      Then, research what happens when a person who is on unemployment in NY State has a baby while collecting unemployment benefits–I’m confident this is not a novel situation. I suspect you’ll need to deal with an actual person at some point in the unemployment filing or collection process; that person can probably tell you what happens with respect to the baby. That person will probably also be able to tell you what (if anything) you need to do to maintain eligibility to collect unemployment benefits. Mad Harry Crewe suggests below that if you’re furloughed your state may not require job hunting, etc. as you’re waiting to be reactivated. I suspect that in that case, the state department of labor will have a definition of furlough that you (and whoever you’re working with) can use to determine whether it applies to you–I don’t think the word your company chooses to use will be dispositive.

      With respect to maternity leave from your company, I don’t think it makes sense to expect that–it doesn’t really track for me that they would lay you off in the spring, not pay you for several (maybe close to 6?) months, and then suddenly pay you again when you have the baby. You’re not going on leave if you’re already not working. I think it’s more likely that unemployment would offer you a “maternity leave” (I’m sure they don’t call it this–I mean to make an analogy) from meeting the ready willing and able standard while still paying you your unemployment benefits.

      1. FMLA issue*

        That makes a lot of sense and clears up a lot, thank you so much.

        Yes, I think at the end of the day it’s pretty simple. I have accepted I have no future with this company (nor am I desperate to go back), I’ applied for UI a few weeks ago and looking for a job simultaneously. I just received my last paycheck today. I just want to maintain good relations with everyone there and not burn a bridge (as satisfying as a giant rant to them would be it’s in my best interest as I can come across any of these people at future positions).

        I think my biggest concern was that if I’m recovering from birth/caring for a new born, I cannot realistically claim benefits as I wouldn’t be able to work – to do so would be fraud, that’s what I was frightened of. At this point calling in is impossible, but hopefully things calm down inJuly/August I can ask at that time.

        There’s 4 months left, it seems like nothing but given how things are going rigth now, where things are changing daily/hourly, I should..relax.

  10. Vikki*

    Anybody else have to put up with “forced cheerfulness” on team calls??

    On our Friday call we are all asked one by one to share what we are looking forward to over the weekend. On Monday we have to say what we liked best over the weekend.

    It’s driving me insane.

    1. WantonSeedStitch*

      Sounds like someone is really scraping the bottom of the barrel for ways to stay connected and help people maintain a good mood. If you have the standing for it, maybe suggest to whoever leads the meetings that rather than make this an “everybody share” thing so people feel obligated, maybe they could just share their own highlights and ask “did anyone else do anything fun?” so people can share if they want to, without feeling forced.

      1. Vikki*

        That would be so much better, but unfortunately this leader doesn’t take suggestions from the team.

          1. Vikki*

            Thank you. Maybe I could handle it if we were a close, connected team. But we rarely worked together before this happened, and so it feels extra weird to force sharing on us.

        2. StellaBella*

          Had to do this for a manager once, each Friday’s marketing meeting. If we were anything less than super pumped, we were a problem. Ugh.

    2. Generic Name*

      People at my company have been asking if folks are “happy” and doing okay, and I normally respond with an exaggerated groan or say “blergh” or “meh” or something. Or I’ll say in a humorous tone, “Well, let’s just say there is a reason I didn’t become a middle-school teacher!” The reality is I’m really struggling with productivity and sometimes I just cry for no reason. My son needs a lot more emotional comfort, and the reality is I can’t work full time, help him with schoolwork, help support him emotionally, and maintain my own sanity.

    4. Thankful for AAM*

      Friday: I’m looking forward to not having to fake cheerfulness in order to answer this question.
      Monday: the thing i liked best was not having to answer the questions that force me to fake being cheerful.

      But really, focusing on gratitude is supposed to help. I hate being forced to do it but reframing it as a good thing might help.
      Alternatively, take the AAM approach of detached watching, get out the imaginary popcorn and enjoy the ahow of other people’s answers.

    5. Crazy Chicken Lady*

      Oh hell no.

      I’m not overly cheerful as a rule. Many not a rule, but at least that’s just my genetic makeup.

      I just couldn’t. Could.not. I would end up in sarcasm-land and it would not be good. I tend towards dark. Friday: I look forward to not dying this weekend. Monday: I’m glad I didn’t die this weekend.

    6. D3*

      I’d be tempted to reply with over the top fake responses:
      “I’m jetting off to Paris with George Clooney where we will be having a private dinner on the upper level of the Eiffel Tower.
      Just kidding, I’ll be Netflixing in my PJs”

      “I am getting married at first sight in Bora Bora to a man from Belarus. Just kidding, I’ll be disinfecting every surface in my home….again.”

      “Spending the weekend working at my side job at an archaeological dig outside Cairo. Just kidding, I’ll be fighting with my husband and kids.”

      “I’m climbing the Matterhorn with my German boyfriend Hans. Just kidding, I’m tackling my laundry pile.”

    7. Ann O'Nemity*

      I’m in this boat too.

      Our meeting agenda starts with Good News, and everyone gets a minute to share their professional or personal good news. Prior to the pandemic, it never bothered me and it was actually nice to start the meeting with all the positivity! But right now, it’s sometimes difficult to come up with something positive. And it’s also depressing to repeatedly hear, “I don’t have coronavirus yet.”

    8. noahwynn*

      My boss keeps asking what our weekend plans are. Part of me feels like screaming, “staying home, same thing as the last 3 weekends because we can’t go anywhere.” She’s awesome in most scenarios though and always thinking of us, so I’ve been letting it slide. I know she’s trying to keep us connected with daily Team calls and the usual office banter. So I’m just assuming good intent.

      1. SD*

        I texted my brother this week with,”OK?” and he responded, “Just Groundhog Day. Again. You?”

        I actually told someone this week that Tues. was a big day because I vacuumed our 2 rugs in 3 directions each. You could use that one for the weekend plans question.

    9. OOOFSTER*

      Yes and I hate it. I have a husband in essential service, so what I look forward to is not catching Covid hopefully and what I like best over the weekend is that he doesn’t have to get exposed for two days. My un-enthusiasm is met with “so lucky to still be working” :(

    10. CL Cox*

      My boss always asks at the end of our virtual staff meetings for people to share anything they’re grateful for. It’s entirely voluntary, but it can be very hard sometimes. I don’t think “I’m grateful that the migraine I’ve got right now hasn’t made me throw up yet” is exactly what she’s going for.

    11. anonanonanon*

      Wow. I’m so glad I don’t have to do this. Since we’re all stuck inside, all I look forward to over the weekend is reading and writing erotic fanfiction.

      So everyone would probably get descriptions of the food I was planning to cook. Then, come Monday, a description of whatever I ate instead of that food (store-bought cake or some kind of delivery).

    12. tangerineRose*

      What about saying “Not much” or “sleeping in” or “catching up on chores”? A non-cheerful answer might eventually get the leader to decide to stop doing this.

    13. Lauren*

      Yeah, our EVP has our team on 3x a week team meetings. The assumption that we are all healthy and just bored is infuriating. I told him someone I know died and he shut up pretty quickly, but not enough to quit the ‘positive BS’ on every call.

    14. Fikly*

      Ugh. I got into a thing with someone the other day who was insisting that her job’s mandatory DAILY meeting where every employee had to say what they were grateful for that day was a wonderful thing and made everyone happier and more productive.

      Some people never get past that stage of human development that you see in toddlers where when they see someone who is sad, they go and offer whatever makes them happy, because if it makes them happy, it must make the other person happy, too. Cute with toddlers, really not cute with adults.

        1. Fikly*

          No, she started calling me names and telling me what a sad terrible life I must have. Which was extra hilarious because people like this always defend their behavior by claiming that they’re doing it because they care so much about other people.

          But you know, that’s the kind of thing those people do when their world view is threatened.

    15. WorkLifeBalanceTryYouWill*

      Yes AND no I DO not have a silver lining! My workload is bigger, my stress is higher because my clients are making end-of-life plans that I am responsible for.

    16. allathian*

      Urgh, I’m so sorry. But I also think that you may be overthinking this a bit.
      Be bland. Say something like “I’m looking forward to being in my PJs all day.” And on Monday, you can say “I loved being in PJs all day.” Even if you got up and dressed to the nines and partied at home all by yourself. You are under no obligation to either feel cheerful, pretend to feel cheerful, or to tell the truth. Just say the same inane stuff week after week.

    17. MonteCristo85*

      Usually if you are truthful, things like this sort of evaporate. IE “I’m sitting at home trying not to fret about my mom who is exhibiting symptoms of the virus and can’t get tested because they are limiting it to over 60 or having underlying issues” will usually shut down that kind of cheerfulness pretty quick. But I’m that kind of oversharer anyway, so it comes naturally from me.

  11. blepkitty*

    Not asking for advice as much as venting: why do people at work think the fact that we’re using Skype means we should have our cameras on? Most of the people who’ve expected it are fellow women, and I cannot fathom why they all want me to put on a bra for a quick chat!

    Not that I want my coworkers thinking about my boobs, but come on. Bra is NOT HAPPENING if I’m working at home.

    1. Trying to be grateful*

      I’m totally with you. Video chatting is awful! I try to move really close to the camera – I’d rather display my pores than my bralessness.

      1. blepkitty*

        Hahahahaha another reason for my distaste for webcams is my stress breakouts. :) I can’t wear a full face of makeup daily, and I don’t like people seeing me with a face full of zits. Not normally a problem because I have pretty good skin.

        Oh, and the puffy eyes from the lack of sleep because staying home all day gives me mad insomnia. I don’t like people seeing those, either.

    2. Proofin' Amy*

      I live alone, so working from home means I have very little in-person contact these days. I like people to turn the video on so that I can see people and have a stronger interaction. That’s my motivation. But most people at my company keep the camera off, so I respect that too, I suppose. We all have to cope in the way that works for us.

      1. blepkitty*

        I also live alone, but for me interaction doesn’t have to mean seeing people. And cats mean I can’t wear my office clothes at home anyway, lest I have to replace my entire office wardrobe when I go back to the office.

        1. Mr. Shark*

          I live alone as well, and I’m not getting all ready everyday. I have no desire to see people from work on video, no thanks. I know I’m not getting really any face-to-face interaction with people, but people at work isn’t going to make a real difference anyway.

        2. Starbuck*

          I live alone as well, but without even the company of cats. If it weren’t for work video calls, many days I would not get to interact with another living creature at all. I guess I could talk to my plants?

          1. blepkitty*

            Really? You can’t video call your family or friends when you’re done with work? I know it’s miserable (I went crazy in that situation during a snowstorm), but many people are in the same boat right now, surely you can find someone to talk to without making your social life your coworkers’ responsibility. You can even put together a party on Zoom!

            I’m serious, someone I know did that. It was fun.

          2. blepkitty*

            And by “interaction doesn’t have to mean seeing people,” I meant I’m fine with voice calls. Video isn’t necessary. Not that my cats are somehow sufficient interaction. They are not. Humans need humans.

            But also, humans need humans they can talk to with their guard down. That’s not my coworkers, for me.

      2. Admin of sys*

        Same here, I’m very pro camera, since my plants are giving me a lot of human interaction. That said, I haven’t bothered to wear a bra since all this started. (we’re a pretty casual office)

    3. Claire*

      I’ve been braless on video chats, but my office culture is also informal enough that I can wear an oversized T shirt, which doesn’t make my situation obvious when I’m viewed from a webcam. I wouldn’t wear an oversized T shirt in to work, but we’re all dressing one or two steps down the formality ladder on video calls, so it feels safe for me. Sorry for your underwire cage, though!

      1. Claire*

        If your culture is more formal than mine, maybe you could throw a blazer on to your braless comfy clothes and cosplay as a well-dressed professional?

        1. SweetestCin*

          I’ve done this.

          Blazer and done-hair on top.
          Turquoise blue snuggy-tail on the bottom over pajama shorts.

          I’d be lying if I said I didn’t giggle about it.

        2. Kt*

          A voluminous and stylish scarf. Mike a blanket scarf or a pashmina or something big.

          Also, I was just on a call at work with a bunch of women. Three with no video, four with video. It’s fine. I didn’t really notice until you mentioned it.

    4. Alianora*

      Another vote in favor of video chats. I just think facial expressions are an important part of communication, and it feels a lot friendlier than talking to a black screen with your name.

      (Also, I don’t always put a bra on for those – the camera only shows me from the neck up, and if I need to get up I’ll turn the video off.)

      1. Nita*

        Yeah, I am not a fan of video chats but they seem to work better than phone calls. I hate trying to figure out who’s talking on a conference call, especially when there are 40-ish people on and I don’t know everyone well enough to recognize their voice. And if people start introducing themselves every time they speak, the calls will take twice as long.

        1. Viette*

          This is why video chatting is important for me. I don’t automatically know who’s talking, and if the meeting carries on quickly then I can miss who it was. Zoom at least has a little popup at the bottom that says who’s got the mic at any given moment, but for many folks, seeing faces of people in a meeting helps with organization a lot.

      2. NACSACJACK*

        A former coworker refused to be on the camera at all which was against directive of the company and the guidelines of Agile. She and I had a very bad working relationship. I spent many years working for a location other than headquarters without video chat and it definitely negatively affected my career.

      3. NW Mossy*

        I’m the same – I want people to be able to see my face, because I use my expressions to communicate as much as I do tone or word choice.

        That said, I’ve absolutely been in a lot of meetings where I’m the only one on video. I put the offer out there for others to do the same, but I don’t expect others to do it if they’re not up for it.

      4. blepkitty*

        As much as I appreciate facial expressions from others, my own are perpetually misread (some people in my life think I’m on the autism spectrum, but at the very least my face seems to blast negative emotions I’m not actually feeling at people). So for me that’s not a particularly compelling argument, as I’m actually relieved to not have to try to keep track of my face while I’m also trying to answer complicated questions.

    5. Anonymous Educator*

      Yeah, there are some meetings where having the camera on is helpful, but I’d definitely say having to worry about being out of frame or people just staring at your face isn’t something you usually have to concern yourself with during an in-person meeting. It’s an unreasonable expectation to have all meetings be that way.

    6. Washi*

      Honestly, this angle would not have occurred to me! I guess I’ve only worked pretty informal places, but people are tuning in with random stuff in the background/not dressed super formally/no makeup etc. I truly would not have considered that some people would feel like they had to make a lot of effort to be presentable for video, because it’s pretty low-effort for me. Like if you have to appear in button downs with a blazer, that’s annoying, but I don’t know anyone who is taking it that far.

      (I’m not a manager so I am not in a position to tell people to turn on video, but I definitely don’t mind being told to do so)

    7. Generic Name*

      Because seeing human faces is nice sometimes? I mean, don’t turn on your camera if you don’t want to, but a lot of people find value in it. It’s honestly nice, in my opinion. I was on a call with project team members from another company and the project manager’s young son could be seen in the background, and then he climbed up on dad’s lap and fell asleep. It was really sweet to see.

    8. tink*

      I don’t have a camera on my personal PC (which is what I’m using to wfh, since I’m not doing anything that requires VPN access), and I’m not draining my phone battery for a crappy video feed that makes the already awful audio feed even worse. My coworkers want to see faces because they miss each other/miss humans that aren’t their families, but they can look at the picture of my cat that I uploaded instead of my face. :)

    9. Anononon*

      Echoing the other comments that I like the video chats. It may make a difference, though, that it’s only been for internal meetings so far and my company is already pretty casual. T-shirts are perfectly fine.

    10. Silicon Valley Girl*

      Eh, ppl are trying to keep connected. Often, for mtgs, we’ll go on video for the first few minutes & then go off video (esp. because we’ll be sharing projects).

      Also, I have my camera positioned so that it only shows me from the neck up & I’m a floating head. That + a sweater/hoodie & no bra needed ;)

    11. Actual Vampire*

      Personally I just leave my camera off when I don’t feel like being seen. If you need to provide an excuse, say your internet is slow.

      I’m a woman but my leisure clothes and my work clothes are basically the same (no makeup, usually a button-down, hair always done, always a bra!)… so I often forget that other people might not feel camera-ready when they’re working from home.

    12. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Possibly because your coworkers aren’t thinking about your boobs or what you might feel you have to do with them to do a video call? If I ask to chat with a coworker, whether she might be braless at home and feel the need to change that first is not even remotely on my mental list of considerations. Maybe that’s just because I’ve never been on the anti-bra squad? Or maybe it’s because what my coworkers do with their boobs is not anywhere in my radar.

    13. Coverage Associate*

      I am ok with scheduled video chats. People like to see faces, etc. But not random ones. I turned my camera off when I realized our system defaulted to video for intra office calls.

      1. blepkitty*

        This is what I meant! I’m fine with it for meetings, but I’m using Skype in place of a phone (no work cell). It’s getting on an unplanned call and having someone say “why can’t I see you?” or otherwise assume that face on is the default that’s frustrating.

    15. VI Guy*

      I can’t see well, and having video of others is mostly useless to me. So I don’t use the video option, because if I can’t see them then I prefer that they not see me. I have a similar principle at conferences when I meet loads of new people, where I don’t wear my nametag because I want people to introduce themselves rather than just assuming that they already know something about me. It isn’t that I am trying to be difficult, rather I am trying to balance things so that I’m not always at a disadvantage. For example with the nametag, if I wear one and they come over and mention my name then I have no opportunity to get their name without it being awkward (I have occasionally leaned over to read someone’s name if they are being difficult, to make a point about how imbalanced things are, but its really awkward for both of us if I’m only a few inches from a nametag). Thankfully most of my online meetings are with people I know, so we don’t need the visual part as much.

      The video parts of Zoom and other software is a big point of discussion within the VI community these days, as it is a hard adjustment for some people.

      1. allathian*

        I really appreciate the nametags because I really can’t remember names. I’m hopeless and I’ve tried every trick in the book, but for me to have any chance of remembering someone’s name I need to see it written down. To be really sure, I need to write it down myself, with pen and paper. The act of writing it down makes it stick in my mind.
        It’s a minor but real disability and it forced a career change when I realized that being able to remember people’s names was essential in marketing and sales. For the same reason, I’m hopeless at networking.

    16. Jules the First*

      We have a simple rule: pre-booked meeting that you would have done in person in normal times, webcams on; impromptu meeting, webcams optional; anything you would have done by phone, no webcams.

      At the end of a long day of virtual meetings, I will often leave my webcam on when the other person is audio only because I am running out of energy to manage my tone and I need you to see my face and be able to talk with my hands so that you know I sound like a worn out robot because I’m tired, not because I don’t care.

    17. MissDisplaced*

      Well, I mean you’re not obligated to use the video. I have lots of calls and about half use video and half don’t (but have a photo instead–which I think helps you picture who they are).
      Interestingly, after a few weeks, more people seem to want to use video, as I guess they’re missing the f-2-f connections. But nobody’s come right out and said video is a must.

      My hair is starting to look crappy now that I can’t get it cut/colored. I am NOT using video. LOL!

    18. ...*

      I think its probably just norms at different workplaces. Not having your camera on would not be an option where I work. Same for my fiancé if he is meeting with his team and not an all company call or something. It would just be like oh hey your cameras off BTW and then of course you would turn it on. Its not weird to me at all to always have it on, I feel like its so hard to work with people without seeing their face or seeing who is about to talk. I usually just wear a thick sweater since its still cold where I am so I am braless and on video!

    19. Fikly*

      Hah. I had an optional video meeting, with an important client, and when I found out it was mandatory video on (not typical of my company, this was almost certainly the client requiring it) I was like, hell no, that means I have to brush my hair and put on a nice shirt, I’ll just watch the recording later.

    20. Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd (ENTP)*

      I’m on enforced WFH (as I infer that you are) and I dress in the same way that I would at the office, though admittedly our office has a ‘casual’ dress code.
      As such – the benefits of video chat (that I won’t repeat as they have been enumerated already .. e.g. facial expressions and so on) are many.
      Up to you if you want to put a bra on, and actually my webcam (I’ve had more than 20 video calls this week) is positioned in such a way that you couldn’t see if I had a bra on or not.

    21. Another worker bee*

      Angle the camera so it only shows your face? I’ve worked remotely for awhile and there are studies that show a clear uptick in engagement from cameras on vs just sound. I have to communicate a lot of highly technical material to varying audiences and people will NOT tell you when they don’t understand…I have to be able to see their faces to figure that out.

      And as a fellow woman….we don’t all hate bras uniformly. I have one on all day even if I am not leaving the house. Now, there’s a non-zero chance that I’m wearing PJ pants while working at home, particularly if I worked out at some point in the afternoon. But the camera can’t see that.

      1. No bra here*

        I angle my laptop so that you can’t see below my neck but not close enough to see my pores

      2. The Rat-Catcher*

        I am physically uncomfortable without a bra on. I only sleep without one a couple times a month and I never have it off during the day. But I also am for sure wearing yoga pants to all calls.

        1. allathian*

          I don’t wear a bra in bed, but certainly during the day. But then, I wear mostly underwire bras because I find they give the best support without constricting my breathing (I’ve yet to find a comfortable sports bra) and those would be uncomfortable to sleep on.
          I don’t like having the video on, mainly because I always look bored in meetings, even when I’m listening attentively. AFAIK I’m not on the spectrum, but I find that if I have to focus too much on looking alert, I’ll miss most of what’s going on. In our weekly team meetings, if I’m neither speaking nor looking at a presentation, I need something to occupy my hands. So I’m usually playing on my cellphone, because it helps me focus. That’s not a good look, though. In in-person meetings I’m usually doodling something on a pad. It looks like I’m taking notes and it helps me focus if the group is larger than about six people.

  12. furlough question*

    If you’re on furlough can you look for a new job? I still have my health insurance which I’ll be paying for out of pocket. I’m kind of worried that if my employer gets wind that I’m looking, they’ll terminate me which will end my health insurance. I don’t want to ask HR for fear of triggering anything. 

    1. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

      You can always look for a new job, furlough doesn’t mean you promised to not look for a job that will pay you.

    2. TimeCat*

      You could be laid off at any time anyway, so I’d probably look, but be quiet about it. If you do get laid off, you could look into COBRA, which isn’t perfect but does provide some continuity on insurance.

      1. Natalie*

        You could also purchase marketplace coverage, which would likely be more affordable than COBRA – losing other coverage is a qualifying event for the special enrollment period.

    3. Anonymous Educator*

      I mean, if you weren’t furloughed, and you were still working, it’d still be okay to look for a new job.

      2. Jedi Squirrel*

        Exactly what I was thinking.

        Didn’t we just have a letter about someone in academia who would fire anyone they found out was looking for a job. As I recall, the general consensus was that such behavior was just beyond ridiculous (and also incredibly rare). I think most employers take into account the fact that some employees are going to leave at any time just to manage that risk; the fact that there is a lot of instability right now should make them think that even more.

    4. Fikly*

      Well, you can look for a new job while currently employeed and working, so why not now?

      If your employer is so awful that they’ll fire you just for looking at other opportunities, chances are they are so awful you should be looking for other opportunities.

    5. BB*

      What does your paperwork say regarding the insurance?

      If your paperwork doesn’t say anything, they can’t terminate your insurance because you are looking for a new job.

      Assuming you are in the US, you can look for a new job at any time, whether you still a full time paid employee or are furloughed. There’s nothing stopping you from switching jobs in the US. Sometimes there are some benefits (like tuition reimbursement) that you’ll have to pay back, but your paperwork will say that.

      Honestly, HR is expecting you to be searching.

  13. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

    Can someone elaborate on federal hiring process to me?

    My impression of what happens when there’s an interview is that I get scored on my responses to questions, as does all the other candidates. These scores are then handed over to HR, who calculates it up and adds in any other extra points, such as veterans preference. The person with the highest score is the one HR contacts (or the hiring manager contacts?) to say they got the job and they start the onboarding process. If that person declines, they go to the next person on the list. Is this right?

    Also, say I’m a 12-04 and got that 12 after being an 11-03. This job is GS 11. Do I come in at 1) 11-01, 2), 11-04, or 4) whatever step in 11 would correspond best to my current 12-04 salary?

    Also also, this is not directly relevant to what I interviewed for, but can someone explain to me what Direct Hire is? I keep seeing it show up on USAJOBS.

    1. Elizabeth Proctor*

      Direct Hire, at least as of a 2014 fact sheet I found, allows agencies to:
       Waive the rating and ranking system (including examinations, if required);
       Suspend veterans’ preferences;
       Eliminate the “Rule of Three” – where hiring managers are presented the top three candidates.

      Will link the fact sheet in a reply

    3. Reba*

      First you get scored on your *application* in USAJobs. Preference points added at that stage. Then your application may be “referred” to the hiring agency person and you may get called for an interview.

      There are some dedicated online forums like govloop, federalsoup, and a couple of subreddits where you can probably get lots of details on these questions!

      good luck!

      1. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

        So the points are only there for who gets interviewed, not for who gets the job?

    4. WantonSeedStitch*

      If you’re not my husband, you seem eerily like him, with that username and those concerns…

        1. WantonSeedStitch*

          LOL! That certainly settles it. Didn’t sound like his writing style either, but he’s an Age of Sail and sea shanty fanatic, and is planning on applying for federal jobs when he’s done with grad school.

      2. fposte*

        That’d be funny also because I’ve enjoyed your username and I could definitely see them fitting in the same family.

    5. Grits McGee*

      So, at my agency, how it works is that HR scores and ranks candidates based on 1) hiring preferences (veteran, current fed, disability, Peace Corps, etc) and 2) their answers to the Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities questions (KSAs) in the application. Then a certain number of candidates are forwarded on for phone screens and then interviews. After the list of candidates is forwarded to the hiring committee, HR is out of the picture until the committee is ready to make an offer. I think they do provide names of alternates to HR in case the first person declines.

      If you are coming into a GS 11 position as a GS-12-04, they are supposed to give you the GS 11 step position that is closest to what you are making as a 12-04 (even if that works out to be less pay).

      1. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

        Thank you! The impression I got from the hiring manager was that after interviews were over, they were going to send it all to HR and then I’d hear after that, so I got the impression that HR picks, not the hiring manager.

        As you can tell, I’ve been in the federal government for years and years, but only got hired twice. ;)

        1. Grits McGee*

          I’ve interviewed for 4 jobs in the 5 years I’ve been at my agency, so unfortunately I am intimately familiar with USAjobs. ;) My agency hires internally as much as possible, so we’ve gotten a lot of training about hiring procedures.

        2. Not All*

          It’s not that HR chooses, it’s that only HR can do the actual official offer paperwork. The hiring official will make an unofficial offer, then it usually takes a week or so (Usual disclaimers about this not being normal times) for HR to send the official one.

      2. Holy Moley*

        +1 The GS-11 step will be what is equal to your current pay. I suppose you could try to negotiate once you get the tentative offer. I tried for my last promotion (a grade up) but wasn’t successful.

    6. AnonAcademic*

      I just completed a direct hire. It’s essentially an internal hire or one where you have ID’d an external candidate and write the position description for them. I hired a former student intern for a paid role this way. The job was not posted externally, Vet’s preference is waived, and I didn’t need any approval other than the PD and HR verifying her qualifications (Degree status etc).

    7. ADB_BWG*

      I am currently hiring a federal position. I received several certification lists (general, veterans, disability, etc). I set up a panel of interviewers, we independently reviewed all resumes, rated themselves according to KSNs, and selected a finalist list, drafted interview questions, and set up interviews. During the interviews we will independently score answers to questions, then jointly decide on a candidate to refer to HR. HR will contact the candidate and start the hiring process paperwork.

      My agency / office has the ability to Direct Hire in to positions classified as Job Series ABCD – say Llama groomer. If I have an open Llama Groomer position I can post on USA jobs or I can hire a specific person who meets all of the education and experience requirements to be a Llama Groomer.

      Good luck in your search!

  14. It is your birthday.*

    Not sure if this is appropriate since it’s a TV show but….anyone want to talk about the office? I just started watching it for the first time at the start of the quarantine. Using the work thread because it’s a show about work. Thought it would be a lighthearted thing to talk about in the work topic.

    1. CheeryO*

      I’ve been re-watching along with the Office Ladies podcast. It’s such a welcome bit of silliness right now! I’m also finding it a lot funnier now that I work in an office, compared to the first time around when I was in high school and college.

    2. juliebulie*

      With the novelty of WFM fast wearing off, watching The Office is the next best thing to being in the actual office. Oddly, I like the James Spader episodes best.

    3. No Tribble At All*

      Confession time: I loathe The Office. Watched it with my boyfriend at the time, and eventually asked to watch something else. At the time, my boss was similar to Michael Scott — incompetant, lacking any tact or management skills, occasionally outright offensive, mercurial. It was too much. Plus, I don’t think a lot of the early-2000s humor has aged well (Michael kissing Oscar to show he’s “ok with gay people”? so cringe). It wasn’t funny to me to watch the struggles I was going through at work, all over again.

      1. Claire*

        I enjoyed the office, but yes, so much cringe. I’ve also come to realize that I would hate hate HATE working with Jim, so that’s made it age badly for me.

      2. annakarina1*

        I never found it funny. The “normal” characters (especially Jim and Pam) come off as so bland and dull to me, and the “weird” characters come off as creeps, and nobody else is remarkable. I just couldn’t relate to it or find it funny or connect with it at all.

      3. Generic Name*

        Same. My husband at the time loved it, so I watched it when he watched it, but I just couldn’t find it funny.

      4. It is your birthday.*

        It took me like 3 tries to get in to it, season 1 and 2 were so difficult to watch. I would joke with my boss that he’s like Michael Scott in some ways. But it is nice to finally understand most of the memes and gifs. I was cringing SO HARD at the Oscar scene.

      5. EnfysNest*

        I agree. My friends tried to get me to watch through it with them so I’d get all their jokes about it, but I just felt awful for everyone who wasn’t Michael. And when I mentioned the only two characters who I felt seemed decent, my friends laughed and said that those two became some of the worst characters later in the show. I had to stop watching. The things Michael did were often so cruel and had so many similarities to the things people write in to this site about that I just couldn’t find any humor in it.

        **spoilers for later seasons below**

        And knowing that the show eventually wanted us to actually sympathize with Michael in later seasons was the final straw for me. He was awful and cruel and his actions were often wildly illegal – if I had known that he might later on finally get called out on it and get in trouble for it all, maybe I could have tolerated it, but knowing that they were actually just going to make his victims into terrible people later and that Michael was being converted into the victim/sympathetic character? No, I couldn’t handle that.

        I also just couldn’t root for Jim and Pam being a couple while she was cheating on her fiance at the start. She would have been justified in breaking things off with him if she had so chosen right from the start of the show from what they showed, but if she wasn’t going to do that, so I was really uncomfortable with her flirty/romantic interactions with Jim.

          1. Jessen*

            Not everyone enjoys or is comfortable with watching bad behavior on TV shows, especially if it seems like we’re supposed to sympathize with the badly behaving character or overlook their actions. I know I’m definitely in that category – I know it’s fiction but it’s still not enjoyable. And that goes harder for me for more realistic setting type shows.

          2. It is your birthday.*

            I agree with you – I mean are there any TV shows where all the characters are perfect and behave well?

            But there are some shows/characters that I loathe because they would be awful humans IRL (in this one – Angela).

          3. Fikly*

            You realize not all people are entertained by watching people behave abusively and get away with it?

          4. Kt*

            Listen, I used to love love love murder mysteries, and then I had a kid and couldn’t read murder mysteries because I felt bad for the dead person and couldn’t stop thinking about them. I know they’re books. So? Now I read romances, because I always get a happy ending.

            Tastes change. I used to hate tomatoes too.

          5. Avasarala*

            I think a lot of people miss the fact that everyone is supposed to suck on the Office. Jim and Pam are supposed to be cringey from a coworker’s perspective. Michael is supposed to be awful and awkward and sad. No one is good here.

            You can see the evolution of cringey awkward being filed down to well-meaning quirks from The Office to Parks & Rec to Brooklyn 99. Same premise: a group of weirdos who are way too invested in their workplace and coworkers.

            1. EnfysNest*

              Yeah, that’s part of my problem for sure. If everyone recognized that Michael is awful and Jim and Pam are cringey, then I might be less opposed to the show. But the majority opinion of my friends and of nearly everyone I see discuss the show online, they see Michael as a sweet, caring guy who just wants to create a family and sometimes goofs up and goes about things the wrong way. They excuse his behaviors and they relate to him rather than the victims of his abuse. Because of the way the show apparently made him more sympathetic over time and made his victims into villains (I’m thinking of Jan, especially, who Michael harassed and undermined at every turn early on, but then apparently became this hateful, vindictive person later on – again, I didn’t watch that far, but that’s what my friends told me when I said Jan was one of the only characters I felt I could sympathize with when I first started watching). the morals of the show get skewed and the idea that “you’re supposed to think everyone is awful” gets muddied and lost along the way.

      6. MissDisplaced*

        Yeah… I never found it terribly funny either. Though I ADORE ‘Office Space’ the film.
        The Office TV show seemed so cringe, which I guess is why some people find it funny and relatable. There are a few chuckles in it for me, but mostly cringe, so it was never one of my favorite shows.

        1. Syfygeek*

          Office Space is awesome. I had a boss like that- I could tell him I just landed a million dollar account, and he’d say that’s nice, but about that report cover? And 4 other people would also remind me about the report cover. Even though it was now a digital form and didn’t need a cover! And typing this made me realize I’m just a tad bitter still.

          The head of IT and his assistant (that was the whole department) did take a bunch of obsolete equipment and bust it up in the parking lot.

    4. annakarina1*

      I just finished watching Better Off Ted, I hadn’t seen it before. I didn’t know what to expect, and really liked it as a sharply satirical sitcom about a science/tech corporation that was corrupt with a smile. I especially liked the jokes about products/animals they created which were monstrosities or murdered people, and that the show never shows them, it’s always a quick aside as a reference. Portia de Rossi was so great and chilling as a sociopathic boss, and I liked the nerdy scientist duo who kept accidentally making murderous products.

      I just brought it up because it’s a workplace office sitcom, and I’m sorry I missed it when it aired in 2009 (it lasted two seasons).

      1. It is your birthday.*

        I can check that out after this! I”m on Season 5 now, so will need something to last the rest of quarantine lol

      2. The New Wanderer*

        Seconded. I loved this show and only caught it when it was on Netflix, not airing.

    5. Analyst Editor*

      I’d say the trajectory of quality is up/stable through season 4, then dip through season 8, and then what I think is a very good season 9 and finale.
      I really like Jim’s pranks on he people that richly deserve it, hehe. :p I’m not a big fan of the Michael Scott/George Castanza/It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia-type humor, i.e. when terrible people make terrible decisions and face the resulting bad consequences. BUT there are parts to The Office which are very human, and they soften a lot of the characters over the years.
      I think you’ll enjoy it.
      If you want something more “relevant” to work today, check out the movie “Office Space”.

      Or, for a fun work-related exercise, pick up an old copy of “The Dilbert Principle”. I still have one. A lot of it is wayyyyy out of date and references 90s terms and issues, but a subset of the comics are still hilarious (like the ones about working from home.)

      1. It is your birthday.*

        I did find some of Jim’s pranks funny but the scene where he started listing everything he does to Dwight was sobering. I did like when Charles Miner comes in and he realizes that he can’t sway him with his charm.

        I never understood the hate against Toby. The only character I don’t like at all is Angela.

        I gotta be honest, some of the scenes that people find funny, I actually cry. Like when Kevin dropped his chilli or when they’re watching a video of Michael on the kids’ show and they ask him what he wants to be when he grows up – he says “I want to have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends.” Like at the end of the day he’s just lonely and wants love and companionship. That makes me cry lol.

        1. Mr. Shark*

          Well, even Jim recognizes that all the pranks on Dwight were too much. That’s sort of the point.
          And the point of Michael, which you don’t get unless you keep watching (because yes, he was totally unlikeable the first season) was like you said–he wanted to be liked, and he did a lot of that stuff to be liked, or to try and take pressure off of the staff.
          I think many people here criticizing the show maybe didn’t get past the first season or are just missing the point. It’s supposed to be cringy, but ultimately (yes, except maybe Angela) these are not bad people. I’m not sure who up-thread they said there were actually bad people. I don’t think that’s really true of anyone.
          It does make fun of a lot of real office politics, which is one of the things that’s so entertaining about it, even if sometimes it take it too far.

          1. It is your birthday.*

            I agree – but I’ve read that in many forums where all characters are considered abusive, unlikeable etc.

            I just got to Jim & Pam’s wedding (I love htem together!)…Michael grew on me in season 5 when he was with Holly.

        2. Analyst Editor*

          That’s kind of why I like season 9. They soften up Dwight and make him less terrible, and the pranks are more good- natured.

      2. It’s*

        Holy cow! I just realized that Jim is the character I like the least! (Coronavirus Revelation: no one cares)

    6. Thankful for AAM*

      I just watched the first couple of episodes for the first time.
      I did not like it at all. Too much bullying. I mean, it was funny, I get the jokes, but more than a few episodes was too Mich for me.

      1. Entry-level Marcus*

        Michael Scott’s character is much more cruel in the first season compared to later seasons.

    7. ‘The Office’ Fangirl*

      I organized a ‘The Office’ trivia quiz bowl at a local mom and pop restaurant. We meet once per month. Well, until COVID that is. It was the highlight of my month.

    8. Atchafalaya*

      It’s on Netflix at our house on a mostly daily basis. I love the characters and the silly crap they do.

  15. Jaid*

    I’ve been at home for more than three weeks and my manager finally calls about having me telework. But, I’d have to come into the office for training AND my bestie who already teleworks emailed me about an employee testing positive for C-19 after last being at work on 3/31 and one floor of the building being closed off. I politely declined and he’s fine with it.

    Yeah, until they start making me use my own leave or otherwise mandatory, I’m going to have to pass. For what it’s worth they also want us coming in on a 50/50 basis, but since we’d still have to use the facilities…

    1. Claire*

      Ugh, that’s tough. Given that the infection was from 3/31, you’d probably be safe to go in to the office with precautions, but it absolutely makes sense for you not to be willing to risk it. Glad your boss is being understanding, though! Is there any chance you could talk to him about training for telework from home, or is that really not possible for your job?

      1. Jaid*

        My normal job involves paperwork with taxpayer identification on it, so it can’t be taken home and normally it’s time sensitive, so it’s usually not scanned into our computer system to work online. The telework available to me is basically scutwork trying to deal with old unresolved cases that are now online due to their age (hard to explain this, sorry!). Anyway, I’d have to send letters to people and then my work depends on if they respond or not (which eventually results in…paperwork, which again I can’t work on at home).

        As for going in for training…well I work for the Fed. I’d have to be trained on how to set up my computer, etc. Of course, I’d need to train before I can get a laptop assigned to me, I can’t take one home and take the training then.

        Meh. It is what it is.

        I wish folks on the board well.

  16. Trying to be grateful*

    First of all, I feel bad even complaining about this because I have a job that can be done remotely with zero issues in a steady business that has been minimally impacted by the current crisis. That’s not to say it won’t be, but I am aware that I’m in an enviable position in comparison to so many people.

    While I am grateful, I am also feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and angsty. My amazing manager left the company last week and she was my advocate, went to bat for me all the time, and was a complete work horse. Now that she’s gone, people are coming to me for everything they would have gone to her for. So in addition to absorbing most of her work on top of my own, I don’t really even feel like I know what I’m doing. But somehow people think I’m the go-to. We have an interim person who has taken on my former boss’s official role, but he’s so senior that he hasn’t had the time or focus to get involved in the way we need him.

    I’m overwhelmed and feel like they’re just going to continue working me like a dog. I’m owed a promotion that I’m assured is coming but I feel like I’ve been doing the job I’m going to be getting plus more for well over a year, and now I’m taking on levels and levels above as well. So I’m angry and bitter that everyone else who has my official title is able to coast by and somehow I’m the go-to for everything, working crazy hours and feeling just.. taken advantage of. It feels like people know I’m reliable and they hone in on that.

    I know that this MAY resolve itself when someone permanent is identified for my former boss’s role, but in the interim I am left nauseated and unmotivated for most of the day. Does anyone have any ideas for how to set boundaries and push back in “survival mode?” Or do I just shut up and hope for the best and job search if it doesn’t improve a few months from now?

    1. WellRed*

      Redirect them to whoever is most appropriated. Do it professionally and kindly but firmly. There’s too many people on these threads drowning in trying to do everything. Don’t be one of them.

    2. Trixie*

      I’ve been in a similar position and I redirected inquiries I received to the interim boss. If nothing else, I wanted it documented for the purpose of seeing what I was asked to take on. At the end of the day, you can only do what you can do and that was true before COVID. If the interim boss pushes back to you, I would work with them to identify the priorities. It’s his responsibility to make time to focus, not yours to manage for him. Sadly, putting in the extra hours to be available to everyone will not guarantee the already overdue promotion. Your company might be better than what I’ve experienced and I hope is is. Twice I’ve been in a place where this happened and it just became the new normal minus promotion.

      Unless your current role requires being available after hours, I wouldn’t respond to emails outside of 9-5 if possible. Folks learn and adjust accordingly. Some use a bounce back email to this effect, updating others that they will respond during business hours or something similar. Also, sometimes emails after hours don’t necessarily assume you will respond. That’s just their habit or schedule. If this is the case, then just become comfortable with leaving emails until the morning.

      Meanwhile, this is a good time to update the resume and keep an eye out. My boss left last August and it’s never been the same. The new boss is good in her own right but after all this, a fresh start will be best.

    3. MissBookworm*

      You sound exactly like me right now. My amazing manager’s last day was Friday and now I’m the unfortunate point person for everything (they aren’t replacing her at all which is a whole different issue)—even the parts of her job that I had absolutely zilch to do with it.

      Push back. Delegate—“Mary is actually the better person to ask that” or “You can find those files in that database”—and don’t be afraid to say you can’t answer their question. Above all else: work your normal hours! Don’t kill yourself by being overworked.

      Talk to your interim boss and his boss. Go in prepared with a list of your job duties (everything you think of right down to the most insignificant) and a list of what your manager did for you; what did she help you with? What did you go to her for (tasks, moral support, delegation?). Find out what the company’s plan is, make demands “I need help with this, this, and this because if I don’t get help then that, that, and that are not going to get done”.

      I have had to do all of this in the last week and it’s been horrendous, but necessary. My boss is currently in the middle of restructuring the department because my manager left and my lists have helped him.

    4. Cloudy with sunny breaks*

      Wow, that’s a lot, at any time! Perhaps you could start with a list of all the things you are currently responsible for, then add the things you have taken on now that Boss is gone. Decide what you can reasonably handle and which items are highest priority. Then request a meeting with Interim Boss to sort out division of work. You can’t possibly do the job of two people but you can point out what you are doing and the level at which you have been performing at. If you are taking on responsibilities that are above you pay grade you should highlight that. If there is no clear resolution, can you start pushing back on tasks by saying I’m swamped with WXYZ and this is a next level responsibility, please ask someone else.

    5. MissDisplaced*

      Prioritize (which items are must-do’s versus do-laters)
      Redirect (if there is someone filling the role your boss had interm)
      Delegate (who else within the company can help with lower-level or easier items or tasks?)
      Don’t feel you have to answer every email immediately.

      In some sense, this always happens when your manager leaves suddenly. Unfortunately, right now there is also a huge crisis going on within most companies due to COVID.

    6. Ronda*

      my sister has been in a similar situation for a while. she was the jr person in a dept of 4 and now it is just her. She tells her manager there is too much work for just her, and she is focusing on these parts, do you want something else prioritized instead.
      her management seems to be understanding about this, she is after all only one person and was new to this area when it all went to crap. (she is a little shocked that the vp of her group seems to really like her and tells her that they are trying to get her help– it has been taking a long time)

      So come up with your high level priority plan (make it reasonable on yourself, it is the companies problem they are understaffed, not yours), talk to your interim boss about it and get the feedback. Then work your plan.

      communicate, dont shut up, or complain.

    7. Fikly*

      Pain is not a competition. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel about your current situation, and to talk about it.

    8. Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd (ENTP)*

      I wonder why she left?

      Do you want you old boss’s role (between you and the interim)? If s0 –

      Have the conversation with your “big boss” now about potentially being promoted into your former boss’s role. You could explicitly state your knowledge, interest, etc.

      You are overwhelmed by workload, rather than “level of responsbility” it sounds like. This could be most easily resolved by putting you in the ‘head of’ position and having people report to you – I would advocate for that.

  17. CheeryO*

    My boyfriend was asked to fly out to provide two weeks’ worth of in-person support for a project that has been deemed essential, even though it doesn’t really pass the sniff test (it’s related to medical devices, but isn’t particularly time-sensitive or related to the epidemic in any way). This is unreasonable, right? Are people really still flying for anything less than critical reasons?

    He wants to push back and offer to provide support remotely, which he thinks will be just as effective as actually being there physically. He’s grateful to still have a job and would prefer to keep it if possible, but he’s also very nervous about getting sick since he has asthma and ended up with pneumonia after getting swine flu.

        1. Jules the 3rd*

          this this this. Yes, he needs to say, ‘I can not travel right now, and I don’t want to get into the medical details around that decision. I can offer remote support through x, y.’

    2. samecoin*

      does he have a regular doctor? I am an asthmatic an i work in HC. My PCP said without exception i should not be onsite at my job for any reason until an antibody test is available and we can prove i have been exposed and am immune ( at least temporarily who knows how long it will last) or not yet exposed and prolong my isolation.

    3. CheeryO*

      Thank you all! This is very helpful and validating. Samecoin, thanks for the heads up on that. He does have a regular PCP who’s offering telehealth visits, so that’s definitely something to look into.

  18. I'm now a fundraiser (yikes)*

    Hello all; it’s my first time commenting!

    Less gregarious professionals: how did you learn to hold engaging conversations? I havent yet read “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” but it’s the sort of resource I’m looking for, especially now that in person practices thin on the ground.

    1. I'm now a fundraiser (yikes)*

      My main trouble is struggling to come up with good follow up questions that move the conversation along. I tend to just let whatever statements other people make just hang in the air, because I’m not at all bothered when people do the same to me. Which is obviously less than ideal in my new role. (When I took the job I thought it was just grant writing, but needs are shifting due to COVID-19 and I need to step it up.)

      1. Trying to be grateful*

        I have the exact same issue. I’m a natural question-asker, but I know it’s a fine line between making conversation and making someone feel like they’re being interviewed by an inexperienced local news reporter.

        1. Spencer Hastings*

          I have the exact *opposite* issue! I’ll happily answer questions from others, in order to be friendly and cooperative, but asking questions back usually makes me feel really weird.

      2. Prairie*

        I’m glad you clarified this because my answer to the original question would have been Be a good listener. I was a fundraiser for six years and learned by just diving it and practicing. I am a careful listener and not a natural talker. (I’m in student affairs now so the relationship-building skills are still essential.) Some tips:
        You can always have some nonspecific questions in your mind that can be repurposed for most conversations “How did you get involved in *thing you are talking about*?” “How does *thing your talking about* fit in the rest of your job/hobbies/family?” “I’ve always had the impression ___ was really about ___, but from what you’re saying it sounds like____.”
        Bring up any commonalities/shared experiences. If they were just visiting a city you’ve been to or your in-laws live in, tell them. Swap anecdotes.
        I almost always have a pen in my hand so if I think of a question while someone’s in the middle of a story I write a word down and then at the end I look at my note and ask the question.

      3. Annaramadanna*

        I moved from careers sitting behind computer screens and crunching numbers, to a very people-oriented career that is all about cultivating strong relationships within communities and with other groups. (I too am comfortable with silence and pauses in conversations.)

        The book “Great Connections” by Anne Baber and Lynne Wayman was invaluable to me. It is all about small talk and keeping conversations going, in the business world. It came out in the early ’90s and some of the incidentals are a bit dated but human nature hasn’t changed much. This book is concise, well-organized, and the general principles are timeless.

        1. I'm now a fundraiser (yikes)*

          That sounds perfect! Thanks so much for the recommendation. Your position in cultivating community relationships sounds fascinating! It’s the kind of thing that I would *like* to do, but currently don’t have the skill set for. It’s good to know that you were able to make the transition- it gives me faith that I may do it too some day. :)

    2. WantonSeedStitch*

      Are you a member of any professional organizations like AFP? If so, it might be worth reaching out to them to ask for their recommendations.

      1. I'm now a fundraiser (yikes)*

        Great idea! I’m not, but my boss is. I’m a little nervous about asking through my boss though, or even just asking her for resources directly. I’ve told her about some of my other short comings and she’s been extremely helpful, but right now this is an absolutely necessary part of my job. I feel like it would be like a window cleaner admitting that they have a fear of heights.

        1. Prairie*

          Can your boss connect you with a mentor? Then you don’t have to necessarily share your “short comings” with her directly.

        2. WantonSeedStitch*

          You don’t have to phrase it as “I have problems with X,” or “I know I’m not good at Y,” so it doesn’t need to sound like a shortcoming! You could say, “I’m looking for some good resources to help me brush up on X and Y skills. Can you think of anything you’d recommend?” As a manager, if I hear that, I think, “oh good, my employee is looking to improve their skills! Good initiative!”

    3. Jedi Squirrel*

      There are some good resources out there if you google “networking for introverts”. (Also, some lousy resources. Such is life.)

    4. Actual Vampire*

      “First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You” by Ann Demarais and Valerie White is a GREAT book about making conversation. I found it much more helpful (and much more up-to-date!) than Dale Carnegie’s stuff.

      Main takeaway from the book: making a good impression on someone isn’t about how you make them feel about you, it’s about how you make them feel about themselves.
      Another lesson I liked is: conversation is like strip poker. It’s fun if everyone is revealing stuff at the same rate. It’s awkward if you’re pouring your heart out when the other person isn’t revealing much about themselves – or vice versa.

      1. I'm now a fundraiser (yikes)*

        Awesome, I will check that out. I’ve heard that before (about connection is all about how others feel about themselves) and it’s always rung true to me. It’s just the mechanics of making those good feelings happen that I struggle with. Thank you for the recommendation, it sounds very helpful!

    5. Generic Name*

      Honestly, most people love talking about themselves. You don’t have to be the star of the show and tell interesting anecdotes. Ask people about their lives. What school did they go to? See if you have common interests or hobbies. Do they like sports and you do as well? Maybe they play DnD and you are a DM coming up with a way to hold a virtual game. Try not to grill people interview-style, but asking questions about people personally (but not too personally- like don’t ask women why they haven’t gotten pregnant yet or whatever- that’s waaaaay too personal) is a good way to keep a conversation going.

      1. Claire*

        While you’re on the subject of personal but not too personal—do you have any pets? If so, try to sprinkle that information in organically. If not, try to ask then if they have pets. Most people will enjoy showing you pictures of their puppy and looking at pictures of your hedgehog, and will end up coming away thinking that you’re friendly and that they’ve made a connection, even though little of substance was actually exchanged.

        1. Generic Name*

          Yes! Asking about pets is perfect. I wouldn’t ask about children, because that can be a painful topic for some, but you can certainly talk about kids if the other person brings it up first and says they have kids. Honestly, having a child myself gives me an automatic topic of conversation with people I might otherwise have zero in common with.

    6. circuit*

      I ask a ton of questions. People love talking about themselves, and letting them talk a lot both makes them like you more & fills the air and makes you worry less about what you should be saying next. Find something you find interesting– genuinely interesting (keep an open mind!)– about the person and ask away! Think about other follow up questions you can ask based on their answers. Tell relevant stories when they come up, but I like keeping my focus more on the other person. It did really feel like an interrogation when I first started, but it feels natural now and people tell me I’m easy to talk to.

    7. Jules the 3rd*

      Listen to what they talk about and be prepared to build on *that*, not on prepared questions. Ask questions like, ‘how did you learn that skill?’ and ‘how did you meet that person?’ or ‘what is it you like most about that?’.

      1. I'm now a fundraiser (yikes)*

        Yes, this my exact challenge. Follow up questions just do not jump to mind. Someone will share something with me (where they work, that they have a dog, whatever) and my natural response is to just acknowledge it (“Oh really? How interesting!”) and then either just let the conversation drop or pivot to something immediate (“Oh look, they added more cheese to the buffet.”).

        I am socially anxious and generally fearful of prying, even when I know that the topic at hand is definitely neutral territory. I’m working on it! I just need to practice building that bridge to asking follow up questions and engaging with someone.

        1. Dee-Nice*

          I can be bad at small talk myself. It seems to take me longer than other people to process what others are saying, plus (and maybe this is awful to admit) I am very rarely actually interested in what others are saying. I have found, though, that it works well to couple the advice given above (ask people questions about themselves) with simply repeating the last thing they said, as a sort of question.

          Example:
          Jayquellen: So I hear you’re really interested in historical fiction!

          Ay-Ay-Ron: That’s true. I love historical fiction, but particularly fiction focused on the Tudors.

          Jayquellen: Fiction focused on the Tudors?

          Ay-Ay-Ron: Yes, the late Tudors, like Henry VIII? I just love that era of history, plus there are so many great tv spin-offs now.

          Jayquellen: Ohhh tv spin-offs?

          Ay-Ay-Ron: Well, have you seen the show “The Tudors”?

          Aaaand you just bought a few extra minutes of conversation without having to do much, and you’ve learned more about the person, potentially giving yourself the opportunity to give a little extra at some point so you’re not just parroting them the whole time (No, haven’t seen the Tudors, but love Natalie Dormer; Yes, have seen The Tudors, loved it, etc.)

          1. curly sue*

            If someone did that to me (repeating my last words back to me without any other elaboration) I would assume they were making fun of me, and shut right down.

            1. I'm now a fundraiser (yikes)*

              That’s really interesting, Curly-Sue, because I thought Dee-Nice’s example was brilliant. But, I also really relate to their feelings about conversing in general, so I value your differing perspective.

              My gut still says that you could echo someone’s statements in a non-mocking way, even if it was just a sincere, “Oh really?” vs. a verbatim quote.

              But maybe the strategy appeals to me because it’s a baby step between my current non-responses and the advice given in other comments here about coming up with questions spur of the moment (which is tough for me). I’ll keep your point about feeling made fun of in mind!

              1. Dee-Nice*

                Yeah, I definitely see where Curly Sue is coming from, but EVERYTHING social depends on execution, right? So per my example, you can’t just flatly repeat. You have to make it a question, the implication being, “Tell me more, I am interested,” and also at some point use the info they’re giving you to pivot to a different mode of give and take.

                1. curly sue*

                  I think it’s partly due to experiences with childhood bullying that had a similar structure, and partly because I’m from an area/culture where enthusiasm for a conversation is demonstrated through engagement and talking over someone – the whole east-coast Jewish thing. (The official name for it is “high-involvement cooperative overlapping.”)

                  Someone just repeating back the last thing I said without adding their own opinions or thoughts would read to me as a combo of ‘I can’t wait to get out of here’ and ‘collecting material to mock later.’

                2. allathian*

                  Reply to curly sue:
                  That’s really interesting, because my culture is just about diametrically opposite. In polite conversation you don’t interrupt people at all, it’s considered very rude. We show interest by nodding and interjecting with “uh-huh” and by letting the person finish. An important skill is handing the convo over to the other person. There are exceptions, of course, but interruptions are usually a last resort if the other person won’t let you speak. Our parliamentary debates are interesting, because the only person who interrupts is the speaker, who’ll bang the gavel if someone’s speaking for too long.

  19. Redacted 33*

    So, despite reading this site for years and absolutely knowing better, I followed up on a job application (yes, application, no interview yet) about 3 weeks after submitting my app (yes, during a pandemic, I KNOW). Normally I would never, I’m just in a situation where I need to commit to a different role that would really complicate my availability for the new position.The HM seemed friendly/enthusiastic in our initial communications and I thought it might be ok to touch base, honestly I didn’t expect a reply. I was very brief and apologetic in checking in about a general timeline. I did receive a quick reply but tone indicates that my question was not well received. How major of an infraction was this? I don’t have the energy to dwell on it but I was referred by a former colleague and I don’t want to reflect badly on her. 

    1. TimeCat*

      It depends on the time if your letter.

      Not a great move but it’s done and doing any more would make it worse. If you’re tempted to try to email to apologize or similar, do NOT do it. Seriously. Just let it go.

      1. TimeCat*

        Sorry “tone” not “time”. If it was a short “hey following up” that was better than a longer email.

        Still just don’t touch it anymore. It’s like a scab, if you pick at it, it’ll be worse.

        1. Redacted 33*

          I know this. I knew this last night. I still sent a quick one line “thanks/sorry” response bc it felt better to tank my own chances than to be that guy. Oof. Oh well.

    2. Artemesia*

      It’s done. You only inquired once. Don’t worry about it. Job searching makes everyone crazy and during a pandemic — extra crazy. So we obsess about tiny things that are probably not noticed by the hiring manager who is not thinking about you but worrying about their own job. You only inquired once — just let it go and continue to think about ways to advance your search beyond this company because everything is a long shot especially now.

    3. ynotlot*

      That you received a reply is a great sign, and the ‘not well received’ might just be the general stress of the situation coming through. I agree with Alison that checking in on applications is not necessary, but checking in once isn’t a big deal – you won’t be the only one who has done it, and the person you emailed most likely was not surprised/not offended. They probably just don’t really have any info to give.

      1. Prairie*

        +1 and I would add that one brief check in email is not going to reflect badly on your former colleague.

        1. Joielle*

          Agreed! Assuming you didn’t use your one email to, like, cuss anyone out or accuse them of throwing away your application or something, it’s not THAT big of a deal. Ideal? Maybe not. But one polite follow-up email is a minor annoyance at worst, not something egregious.

    4. Jules the 3rd*

      3 weeks, and just a request on their general timeline? Totally reasonable. No one’s going to think you’re unprofessional for that. You have to stop now, but you’re fine so far.

  20. Unsolicited*

    How to stay motivated to complete certifications and such during self-isolation?

    I’ve committed to completing several online certifications from Google, Hubspot and other sources during the pandemic. Nearly every day, I’ve committed to at least two hours of watching videos, reading blogs, taking notes and completing assessments.

    However, the one-sided nature of the learning experience is beginning to weigh on me. I have no one in my immediate vicinity with whom to discuss the knowledge I’m gaining, and I’m finding my interest and commitment beginning to wane.

    I would appreciate any tips and/or tricks you care to share on how I can keep on track. My goal is to complete eight to 10 certifications that I can selectively add to my resume, depending on the specific job.

    Thanks for your time!

    1. Entry-Level Marcus*

      I’d be interested in responses to this, too. I had almost zero work this week, so I decided to try to do some optional online classes, but I’ve had similar problems following-through.

    2. ten-four*

      I think that’s a really cool goal! My best rec is to try to hunt up a study buddy or group. It seems like there are likely other folks doing the same thing, or who would be interested to try! Possibly the certification platforms can hook you up, or failing that maybe try social media channels.

      Failing that, I might try:
      + Pomodoro method
      + Documenting my progress/learnings in a blog or a series of social tweets/posts. This last one has the advantage of giving a lightweight channel for at least friends/family to cheer you on.
      + Hunting up topical slacks for the certification. This is not an avenue I use, but I have a Digital Strategist friend who found some active Content Strategy and Google Analytics slack communities.

      Good luck!

    3. Jules the 3rd*

      There are online forums for almost everything. Go read some, figure out who’s friendly to newbies and who’s jerks, start posting in the friendly ones. Try to build a project and invite discussion.

    4. Juneybug*

      I heard of folks creating e-books on the subject as passive income. Maybe create a study guide? While I haven’t done this, I imagine drafting a study guide with the intent of making money would keep me motivated. :)

    5. Nervous Nellie*

      If you are taking any classes through Coursera, each course has its own discussion forum that you can visit to troubleshoot homework but also to get to know classmates a bit. In the past I have connected with other classmates there, and moved our conversations to email so we could be study buddies. I did that in two courses and it really helped. I have recently been struggling myself to stay motivated. Thank you for the reminder!

    6. Federal Middle Manager*

      Talk to yourself. Seriously. Or borrow a stuffed animal or put googly eyes on an (empty) vodka bottle. Pause the video every 5-10 minutes and explain to your “pupil” what you learned and how could be relevant to your real job. Our brains process information differently when we have to say things out loud and you’ll quickly find that you didn’t understand something as well as you thought when you get tongue-tied talking to an inanimate object.

      Personally, I don’t find forums to be as helpful because there’s a lot of blind-leading-the-blind happening.

    7. Captain dddd-cccc-ddWdd (ENTP)*

      > Nearly every day, I’ve committed to at least two hours

      .. so about 12% of your waking day, assuming you aren’t still working?

      I struggle with motivation myself, but mostly on top of a work day of 8hrs or so, or at the weekend, having just 2 days to fit in “leisure” and still needing to do the learning-things!

      I have succeeded with these courses by verbally (out loud, but then I’m an extrovert.. if you aren’t you could voice this internally) engaging with the content throughout like “but why?” “how did they come up with that result?” etc (Often it’s answered in the course, but if not, there are external resources with that info).

      Is there any way to interact with the other students in your ‘cohort’ of the course? Or even something like an online forum (reddit or similar) to discuss it?

      For me keeping on track if I have to maintain a somewhat rigid schedule/list looks like a to-do list ultimately with some system I’ve come up with by myself.

      For example in this lockdown period in the house I’ve come up with a system where we have to complete 2 “easy”/low effort tasks per work day, and 3 more intestive tasks over the weekend, between me and my partner. (He (INTJ) hates it when I come up with yet another system, but I’m sure this one will work!)

  21. Claire*

    Not really looking for advice here, but I just did a virtual interview yesterday for a job in a field I really, really want to break into—wish me luck! I think it went well, but I had some technical difficulties, and the organization has been badly affected by the pandemic, and of course you never know. I’m cautiously optimistic, though, which is nice!

    2. Blue Eagle*

      Sending positive energy and good luck thoughts your way (and to your hiring manager that your interview was looked on positively!). JOY!

    4. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

      Good luck! Don’t worry about the technical difficulties, everyone’s having them these days, these systems weren’t built for the load, and the interviewing team probably understands since they’re probably also having them.

  22. LGC*

    So, one of my friends is…having problems at their job. They’ve been having on and off performance issues, from the sound of it, but they got told a couple of weeks ago that this was their final chance. So they’re job searching.

    I tried to suggest they work on keeping the job they have now, but…they’re kind of resigned to the fact that they’re going to be terminated. And I know that I’m not the one that’s facing losing their job in this environment (and also, friend is an adult themselves), but it’s been a bit frustrating to feel like they’re blowing off my advice. I’m not sure whether I’m really looking for advice on things myself, but it feels like they’re sabotaging themselves now.

    (Also possibly important drop: This friend had a fairly recent period before this current job – which they’ve had for a little under two years, I think – where they were jobhopping and LOUDLY unhappy with their job situation.)

    1. juliebulie*

      Your friend can and should do BOTH. Try to improve their performance in order to keep the job, and hedging their bets by keeping some irons in the fire because they probably are going to be terminated because “final chance” means “we’ve had it with you.”

      Friend may have a bigger issue with the jobhopping and complaining. Maybe the complaints are justified and maybe not, but in general it sounds like they might be too slow to commit to a job and too quick to throw in the towel.

      1. LGC*

        Yeah, I pretty much gave in and said to do both (because you’re absolutely right and I did kind of overreact in the opposite direction). They’ve been “good” recently, in that they seemed to be happy with this position finally…it was just, “whoops my boss told me I was doing a bad job again time to jobsearch” and I’m like “not this again.”

        I actually think they might be the type to be too fast! The cycle used to be “HEY I HAVE THE BEST JOB EVER” and then three months later it was like, “THIS SUCKS I NEED A NEW JOB.”

    2. fposte*

      It’s not uncommon for people we care for to do what they want to do instead of the thing that would actually help them, and we have to accept that our input isn’t enough to change that. The upshot may just be that this is not a friend with whom you can share job talk; “Jane, you know what I think; let’s talk about something else” is fine to say if she spends a lot of time complaining.

      1. Sue*

        This is so true. I have a close friend with a long-standing issue with family. I have listened and offered advice (within my expertise) for several years. It was not followed and finally, I gave up and just starting nodding and changing the subject. It was a relief to separate myself from the issue even though it was hard. The situation was/is not good and NEEDS attention but I just had to disengage. And, honestly, I don’t think friend has even noticed.

    3. Aggretsuko*

      I’ve been there about this: At this point, there probably isn’t any way to save the friend’s job even if they hustled.

      1. Annony*

        Yep. If they had just started having problems it would be different. When someone is on their last chance it is very difficult to improve enough to save it. I think focusing on job searching is realistic.

    4. pancakes*

      It’s possible that your friend has been having more or longer-standing problems than they let on, thus has a more concrete sense they’ll be terminated than what they conveyed to you.

    5. Mad Harry Crewe*

      Honestly, if your friend has had multiple chances and hasn’t been able or willing (could be either!) to pull it together, they are probably going to be fired.

      Some people just aren’t right for some jobs. Other people maybe could make it work, but they’ve lost interest, or don’t respect their management team, or don’t feel respected or supported – whatever the reason, they don’t have the emotional connection to the job that would let them dig in and turn it around.

      I hear you wanting your friend’s situation to be different, but this is not something you can control.

      1. Kiwi with laser beams*

        “this is not something you can control”

        THIS THIS THIS. LGC, I think I remember that you’re American, so here’s some food for thought. You know how other Westerners keep saying “Why can’t the US just do blahblah thing that our country is doing?” If my own thought processes are representative of other non-American Westerners, we do it because we don’t like seeing people suffering and we want to feel like we have control over the situation. But when we do that, we’re prioritising our own feelings over the needs of the Americans in question. And while it’s usually easier for someone to change their own situation than their whole country’s situation, I think the same kind of bystander thought process is at play here. It doesn’t feel good to acknowledge to yourself that you can’t control this person’s suffering, but remember how exhausting it is when you’re the one dealing with bystanders who keep bugging you about your problems so that they can feel like they have control.

    6. MissDisplaced*

      Well, you don’t know the entire situation perhaps?
      Sometimes, you just KNOW that staying at a company isn’t the best move and it’s better to cut your losses and leave. Your friend should definitely be job searching, COVID or no COVID.

      “it feels like they’re sabotaging themselves now”
      So, maybe they know there will be cuts and layoffs and they see the writing on the wall. And maybe they want that right now? It’s probably better to say you got laid off due to COVID situation than for lackluster performance. Plus, the unemployment has been extended. If you’re cut, you’re in the boat with many others.

      Anyway, your friend is an adult, and this really isn’t your concern what she does or doesn’t do about her job.

    7. Fikly*

      It sounds like you’re making their problems about you.

      You’re saying that you’re frustrated that they’re blowing off your advice. But are they? Or have they thought about your advice and decided it’s not the correct course of action? Odds are extremely high they know their situation better than you, given it’s their situation.

      Also, did they ask for advice at all? Or were they venting and you jumped in with advice?

    8. Not So NewReader*

      My wise friend had a suggestion for situations like this. Go into it with them.

      So here this means talking about job hunting, writing resumes, etc.

      It’s super important to ditch the idea they are blowing off our advice. From their perspective, “You don’t understand!” or “You aren’t hearing me!” . This ship has sailed, go with what they are saying they are or will be doing.

      There are several options for outcomes here:

      By actually talking about what it would take to get a new job, they might reverse their thinking and work to keep the job they have. This is doubtful, but there is a long shot. And sometimes agreeing with them is the quickest way to get them to agree with us, in an odd turnaround.

      Or it could be that by talking about a new job, you could actually help them get to a job they will stay with. I had this happen with one friend. She had a brutal job, I really was not keen on seeing her stay there. So it was easy to talk about other employment. She changed fields and she has been in this new field for over 20 years. And it was something she chose out of our conversations. She is much happier in the new arena.

      The last possible outcome is that they don’t follow your advice (or develop their own ideas) about finding a new job either. This is good information. We can’t help people who don’t want help. It’s better to know up front that we care more about their situation than they do. Here you can just say, “When you are ready to deal with things let me know, I can be an ear for you.”

      I will say this: I had a car that was probably an okay car. It needed several hundred dollars worth of repair on drive-ability issues. And it had several annoyances, such as the back wiper did not work and so on. I was fed up. I mean fed right the f up. My friend started down the conversational road of, “This can be fixed.” I did. not. care. I had bought that car twice. (Once for real and the second time with all the repairs.) I was DONE. He could see that I was getting a new car with or without his inputs. He dropped the idea of repairs and started suggesting where to go for a good deal and how to get rid of current car. Wise move. I went where he suggested and I got such a good (reliable) vehicle for the money and I have been super happy with it.
      Your friend may be at the stage where they are fed up with the situation at the job. They may be quietly vowing not to make those mistakes at a new job. You’d have no idea that all this is going on. Sometimes if we can just roll with stuff people can surprise us.
      You also have every right to say, “I can’t help you with this.” That’s an option you never lose.

  23. Book Recs*

    My boss has so generously offered to allow us to volunteer to violate our shelter in place order to come work extremely limited part time shifts for a very much not essential business. I’m absolutely not going. I hope my coworkers are financially able to say no as well (I’m on UI – I’m not sure if the others filed.) … although I know some of them will jump at the chance to go in anyways, because they think the virus is a myth and they’ve drank my bosses Kool-Aid. :(

    1. Thankful for AAM*

      Good for you! Stay home, avoid the Coolaid, and maybe report your company.

      Where my brother lives, people who think it is all a hoax try to come close to him, and others wearing masks, while he is grocery shopping.

      Stay strong!

      1. Book Recs*

        I would LOVE to report them, and I did consider it, but it would very much be obvious that I was the one who did it. Even if I didn’t, and someone did, I’d get the blame, and I can’t afford to poke the bear just yet.

    2. Cloudy with sunny breaks*

      STAY AWAY! Being around people who engage in high risk behaviour is a terrible idea. And kool aid sucks. Why would people even want it? Not to mention, isn’t volunteering to do your job while on UI illegal? I hope you next job has much better drink choices.

      1. Book Recs*

        I’m not sure it would be illegal since it’s still paid and reportable, and I think they’d just prorate your benefit for that work week? At least in my state, you’re also UI eligible if the hours are just reduced, and you get that partial benefit.

        But UI approved or not, showing up is very much a terrible idea. I have a job I could do from home if my boss had let me, and that’s the only way I would even consider returning right now, but only at full time.

    3. Fikly*

      Your boss has offered to let you violate local public health/safety orders? Report that dude.

  24. OperaArt*

    Contemplating how my boundaries with my work colleagues have changed because of the current situation. I am over 60 and have an underlying medical condition that puts me in the higher risk category. I am reluctant to go into grocery stores. However, here in the San Francisco Bay area, curbside grocery pickup or home deliveries are extremely hard to book, and if you magically find an opening it’s for almost 2 weeks in the future. However one colleague and one supervisor have each offered to shop for me in those gap weeks, and I gratefully accepted. So they now know my food routine and some of my obscure favorites (Trader Joe’s Cauliflower Pancakes!), and what my house looks like from the outside. And I’m OK with all of that. It’s just not something I ever thought I would be sharing in my work environment.
    By the way, we are all working remotely because of COVID19, but these colleagues live within 3-4 miles of me.

    1. WantonSeedStitch*

      It’s awesome that your colleagues are being so helpful! My husband is quarantined with a (thankfully very mild) case of COVID-19 in a hotel suite in a distant state, where he went to work with the Army. Fortunately, he has found someone who’s a member of the same fraternal organization who has agreed to go grocery shopping for him so he can have food to cook in the suite kitchen, but doesn’t have to put other people at risk. We all have to help each other out here! I’m just glad that where I am, services like Instacart aren’t too bad as far as timelines go. I’m generally able to get an order delivered within a few days of placing it.

    2. Lucette Kensack*

      It’s lovely that your colleagues are helping out in this way.

      This is the good side of having more relaxed boundaries with your colleagues and workplace. These folks are a part of our community, and when communities are at their best we care for each other.

    3. Joielle*

      I looked at grocery delivery this morning out of curiosity and it just said “Grocery delivery is sold out.” Couldn’t even book weeks out if I had wanted to. It’s awful for people with risk factors! I’ve been shopping for our elderly neighbors. It is an odd kind of pseudo-intimacy, but I sort of feel like this is a whole new world, and we’re all going to be relying on each other going forward in ways that seem foreign now. The social contract is changing.

      My boss sent a really nice email to the whole team a couple weeks after we’d started working from home, to tell us that it’s ok if we need help, we don’t have to pretend everything’s fine if it’s not, and to please let her know if there’s anything she could do to help, either inside or outside of work. We’re normally a pretty private bunch, and it was a little odd to read, but I did appreciate it.

    4. Not So NewReader*

      I have been helping a cohort. And I offered to help another cohort.

      At this point it’s more important that people ask for help than anything else.

      I see people are using their phones to take pictures of products with their cells, so the go-fer person can find the item quicker/easier. Good use of technology I think. I am getting a boost/lift by seeing how clever people can get about the changes we need to make.

      Going the other way a friend came over and helped me with two problems that were out of my league and had to be handled immediately. This freed me up to continue on with my day and allowed me to go help others. Please remember that someone is helping your helpers. It’s a long chain of people helping each other through. No one is an island, reality is that we never were islands in the past, either.

  25. Exhausted Frontline OP*

    I’m the OP from yesterday’s ask the readers question. I responded super late since I was working into the evening and I’m not usually in front of a computer at work, so just wanted to say thanks again to Alison for posting and thanks to everyone who shared their stories–I skimmed all your comments and will read more closely and respond over the weekend.

    It was really helpful to read about how everyone on the frontlines is coping and muddling through. I see you and I’m rooting for all of you!

    1. Thankful for AAM*

      So glad you requested that. I am wth but learned so much and found it really helpful and eye opening.

    2. CoffeeforLife*

      Thanks to you and to all of the essential workforce. Thank you to all the shelf-stockers, instacart peeps, janitorial staff, servers, cooks, delivery drivers, postal service, amazon, those in public works, zoos, animal shelters, essential daycares/schools. Just thank you to everyone who is helping keep the world going.

      If there was ever a time to recognize that our minimum wage work force and rally behind increasing their pay it’s now. I drive past a restaurant that had cars wrapped around the store in 3 lines. A score of employees taking orders/payment/delivering food etc. They put themselves at risk (probably because not working isn’t feasible) so others can have waffle fries and lemonade. It’s always those who make so little who have to risk so much. Thank you.

      1. Exhausted Frontline OP*

        Yes, absolutely! I don’t make a lot of money/am definitely underpaid, but my employer fully funds my health insurance, I have generous PTO plus emergency COVID leave, and my workplace is making accommodations for people in high risk groups or live with someone high risk to find things to work on from home, even though our regular operations aren’t set up for that. My job is very secure. I’m extremely fortunate compared to most frontline workers.

        But a lot of people who are still going to work aren’t guaranteed these things, and hardly make enough to live on as it is. We need better pay, but also sick leave, health insurance and job security for people in these positions. More than thank yous and post-pandemic parades, I want any people at home who have the capacity to advocate for better labor laws and protections. It’s always been unacceptable, but I think this pandemic has really brought to light for many people how poorly low-wage workers are treated.

  26. MissBliss*

    I had a sudden realization this week (week 2 of remote work) about why I am having so much trouble with working from home: it’s because the little things that annoy me, that I would either ordinarily be able to pop over and ask my supervisor about instead of sitting here frustratedly going “What do you mean?”, or vent to one of my colleagues about, I now sit with and stew on. I don’t really want to put annoyances in writing, so instead I write them in a note, and delete them. Then it’s out of my system. It’s not quite as good as talking to another person, but if I can focus all my stewing in 5 minutes of writing, I’m not thinking “and another thing!” for the next two hours.

    (Also, yes, I ask my supervisor to clarify when I really need clarification. But a lot of the things that are confusing are the result of my supervisor just not reading emails. It’s helpful to be able to talk in person and remind her about that, instead of constantly telling my superior to refer back to an email I sent. Especially since we’re working apart from each other, I’m cognizant about tone. If I’m getting annoyed, I’m sure she is, too.)

    1. Alianora*

      Do you have a chat system or do phone/video calls at all? Recently I’ve found myself saying, “let’s get on a quick Slack call” or messaging someone instead of sending an email. Feels friendlier/more casual.

      1. MissBliss*

        One colleague has been calling me, I have at least 2-3 video calls a week, but I haven’t proposed doing any. I also often get emails that I find frustrating while my boss is in a meeting with the other powers that be, so I couldn’t hop on a call with her. But I think mostly it’s just frustrating to me because, while our office isn’t open-concept, we are all constantly talking to one another and in each others’ offices. Going from talking all day to 2-3 video chats and 1-2 phone calls a week is very, very different.

        1. Seeking Second Childhood*

          I frequently receive confusing emails from people in meetings… well before this all hit the fan. My standard is to shoot an IM saying “about your email…can you call me after your meeting? That would probably be faster for you than if I email questions.”
          Key: faster FOR THEM. I ask my questions quickly, and anytime their answer eliminates followup questions I tell them. When their answer generates a follow-up question, I say I’m really glad you were on the phone with me that saved us another round of emails. It’s helping me get my answers faster.

          1. Seeking Second Childhood*

            Also helpful, I say how long the call might take. I keep myself to that time, and if we’re off faster I say something about how efficient it was.

    2. Claire*

      Yeah, writing an email or even an instant message feels so much more formal than saying something, so I’ve been swallowing a bunch of little annoyances lately. I think your strategy of getting it out and deleting it is a good one—if it’s something genuinely important, you can go ahead and send an email, but if it’s small, just venting about it is an okay solution.

  27. Lalaith*

    My company is using chat software to keep connected while we’re all working from home, and my boss has asked that we all install it on our (personal) phones so that we’ll see messages he sends during off-hours and can respond to them. He already has our phone numbers so he can call or text if something urgent comes up, but since “we’re all set up at home” and “don’t have a commute to worry about”, it sounds like he wants us to be able to address things that could probably wait until the next day, but he’d rather not. I don’t like this. I know we’re all at home and technically available, but I still want to maintain business hours and not have work intrude on my free time (unless it’s truly urgent, of course). How can I push back?

    1. JustMyImagination*

      Oh man, sounds like your phone is pretty old and doesn’t have enough available memory to install a new app :)

        1. Seeking Second Childhood*

          Just because your phone is new and used to have extra space doesn’t mean you have the space now. Maybe you installed Duolingo, or Google Classroom, or PowerSchool, or Zoom. Or just three different grocery store shopping apps to see if you could get delivery service!

        2. Liane*

          But does Boss know that old phone died, you got a new one & transferred your number? And that, oh, gee, New Phone doesn’t play nicely with App?

    2. juliebulie*

      “Oh sorry, missed your message. Phone was turned off because family time.” (Even if your only family are dust bunnies)

      1. Lalaith*

        Yeah, I do think he’s not going to get the quick responses (from me) that he’s hoping for :) Oh sorry… didn’t have my phone with me! Left it in another room!

        1. Meh*

          I’d keep all notifications off, and only if he complained I was not responding promptly after hours, say, “Sorry, I don’t have the habit of keeping my phone next to me in the evenings; it’s left charging in the kitchen, so I didn’t see your message until this morning!”

    3. Anonymous Educator*

      How can I push back?

      Push back with others. If it’s just you pushing back, it’ll be easy for him to frame it as you being difficult. If you all push back together, it’ll be hard for him to frame it that way.

      1. Lalaith*

        What if it is just me who’s being “difficult”? The one other person in my position is far more willing to say yes to whatever my boss comes up with, or crazy requests our clients make which boss won’t say no to… in other words, yeah, I already feel like I’m the difficult one and trying to establish boundaries that no one else is.

        My current thought is I’ll probably have to go along with it for a bit and if he is taking advantage, use that as a reason to stop.

        1. Anonymous Educator*

          If it’s just you, it’s still okay to push back, but it just means you may be harder to make that case.

          1. Anonymous Educator*

            It may be harder, not you may be harder, even though what you’re asking for is perfectly reasonable to the outside world.

            1. valentine*

              I’ll probably have to go along with it for a bit and if he is taking advantage, use that as a reason to stop.
              If you can’t say no now, won’t you feel less able to? You’re not going to tell him it’s because he’s taking advantage, right? Which he’s already doing. He is infuriatingly entitled, thinking all your work-related time, like your commute, is now his!

              Is this a software you’re familiar with? Are you sure it’s not spyware and that he can’t remote-wipe your phone? Don’t do it. You might ask for the TOC up-front, not via your phone, though, and look for keywords.

              If there aren’t real emergencies, stop the after-hours communication as well.

        2. Admin of sys*

          Do you have a family? You could try the ‘in our household we have an agreement that phones get put away for family time after 6p except for critical emergency calls’. (note: this concept /should/ work for a single people as well, but it often doesn’t, because the boss has the ability to argue with you if you’re the only member of your household. )
          That said, if office culture is everyone else is fine with it, it’s likely you’ll lose some credit with folks if you’re not involved in after-hours communication. Which is entirely unfair, but will likely still happen.

        3. Seeking Second Childhood*

          Also look back in AAM a week or two, I think Aliso had a full letter on the topic.

    4. College Career Counselor*

      You’re phone is too dumb to install chat software? Off-hours means that you don’t have to respond to his messages until you’re “on-hours” again? As Alison would say, try to push back on this as a group. I personally think it’s important to be able to separate work from home life (because I have been sitting in this damn chair in my home office for what seems like forEVER) in order to keep from being burned out. Gently tell the boss that you disengage from work when it’s over for the day so you can be renewed and productive when you pick it back up later.

      One of the things that my boss did was send a video message to faculty and staff telling them explicitly that productivity is different, that our desires to be professional and rise to the challenges AND that we absolutely needed to take time for ourselves, our families, and our own needs. Academic culture (like any other professional culture, I’m sure) can be all-consuming, and the temptation is often to respond to that email that comes in at midnight because you can.

      I have to say that in the last three weeks, unless I’m running a particular meeting/event/activity for work after hours (and there are a couple), I’ve been much better about pulling the plug and not dipping into work email and getting caught up in responding/dealing with something that really doesn’t need my input at 10pm the same day.

    6. Cloudy with sunny breaks*

      That is annoying! I would install it and see how it goes. It may be that your boss has to work outside normal hours to accommodate others in his household and being able to get quick responses from the team will truly help him he get work done. As long as they are small asks, actually relevant, and really can’t wait. If it’s too much then yeah, your phone may be in the next room or the battery died.

      1. WellRed*

        Nah, people have the right to not be on call all the time. The boss can find another way to manage.

    7. Natalie*

      I still want to maintain business hours and not have work intrude on my free time

      I mean, is there some reason you can’t say a version of this? Especially when you’re not used to WFH, it’s really important for a lot of people to draw lines between work & nonwork, otherwise it all blurs together horribly. You could even add something about not wanting your free time to intrude on work time, either.

    8. Jules the 3rd*

      Matter of factly: “Oh, I’m not going to be available evenings, in general. If it’s an emergency, you can call of course, but otherwise I’ll pick it up from the computer’s Slack in the morning.”

      Of *course* he doesn’t really want you working evenings, right? Right!

      1. Mad Harry Crewe*

        This. Or, “Oh, I’m making a very concerted effort to not look at my devices outside of work hours. I really need the time to unwind.”

    9. Anono-me*

      Are you hourly or exempt? If you’re hourly (or anyone on your team is actually), you can point out that this will actually be documented proof that he / company is having people work off-the-clock or over time. And of course you’re worried that ‘ someone else’ would try to get him / company in trouble over it.

    10. Fikly*

      I’d ask if there’s a need (a legit one!) for you to be more in contact right now than before.

      Because where you work from doesn’t change your availability. It’s like the manager who thinks because people are WFH, their productivity should go up. Um, no, that’s not how it works. You weren’t working during your commute, and you weren’t being paid during your commute. You own the commute time, not your employer.

    11. Mx*

      I know I come late for this post, but maybe you will see it.
      I accidentally dropped my smartphone in the toilet. I replaced it with an old fashioned Nokia phone because I find smartphones invasive and time consuming. In my case it’s a true story but if you don’t mind a little white lie….And with non essential shops closed, you can’t get a new phone quickly as you have to order it online and the delivery is long.

    12. OhBehave*

      Please don’t listen to the suggestions to lie! The truth will bite you in the end.

      Search the page for “after hours”. AAM has addressed this quite often. I pasted one reply below. “It’s important to me to have time to recharge outside of work. I will of course put in extra time when something is an emergency, but otherwise I prefer to use my evenings and weekends to recharge so that I’m refreshed when I’m back at work. Assuming I continue to perform at a high level, can we try that and see how it goes? If it causes problems, we could revisit it at that point.”

      It sounds like boss is freaking out about not having you all within sight. Perhaps you address all of his messages first thing in the morning.

  28. Lady Jay*

    Missed it last week, but grad student check in!

    How are you doing? What’s going well, what’s not going well, what do you want to vent about? Drop it here. (I’ll start in the comments.)

    1. Lady Jay*

      I successfully got everybody on my exam committees to sign off on an extra three weeks to finish my supplemental reading lists for Comps in September – hurrah! Covid, along with other logistical challenges, may change either how I approach my dissertation, or what I do my dissertation on, and the extra weeks gives me a chance to change my readings in response to that.

      I’m hanging in there as far as online teaching. I love online teaching generally, but this is something else – I’m losing track of days and accidentally scheduled two things due during my uni’s Easter Break, one *on Easter Sunday* and didn’t realize until, like, two days ago (facepalm). Rescheduled the Easter Sunday one and moving forward.

    2. Almost Academic*

      Going well: Defended my Master’s thesis this week, so that was nice to get out of the way. Not so nice is sitting here procrastinating on final edits, and panicking that my committee members won’t finish signing their forms in time for the upcoming graduation clearance deadline (I have two committee members that are notoriously difficult to track down for signatures, and not being able to get the signatures in person at the defense is really adding onto the stress).

      Vent: I’m in a really negative mindset with my PI. They’re not warm and fuzzy to begin with, and I knew that going in, but with COVID my frustrations are compounding. Since they now have all of the writing time and less meetings and mentoring obligations, they’re now asking for project pieces that they’ve been sitting on for literally 6 months with crazy turn around times. Barely checking in on how we’re doing. Meanwhile, all of my coursework and other caring responsibilities have ramped up as well, so I’m stuck working 14+ hour days 6-7 days a week to meet their expectations. I’m just tired of feeling like an annoyance to them, instead of someone who they genuinely care about, and the social disconnect of never seeing them in lab has heightened that a lot in the past week. I’m trying to make peace with it, and build better boundaries, but it’s rough.

    4. No Tribble At All*

      Don’t know if this counts because I’m a non-thesis master’s, but— our class finally moved from theoretical stuff to engineering applications. FINALLY.

    5. T minus two weeks*

      Two weeks left in the semester and still not sure if I’m actually graduating. We took our comps before this all hit, but they haven’t been graded yet. All classes are online- mostly consisting of notes, with some “practice” problems thrown in.
      My switch to teaching online has gone ok. I lost a few students, but they were students that weren’t doing well before the switch.

    6. Tessera Member 042*

      Reposted from the above student question! I am a PhD student gearing up to defend my dissertation, which will now be done through a Zoom video conference. Now I have to figure out how to be productive when living in a constant low-level state of anxiety and an inability to focus on writing for more than an hour at a time. Also navigating the disruption of all my routines (going to the public library to write, informing my husband of conference calls, etc). All this for a very anticlimactic experience — won’t even get to enjoy a drink with my committee after I (hopefully) pass.

      The one saving grace is that I was already teaching online community college classes, so the delivery hasn’t changed for my students. But of course there’s all the accompanying problems of computer access at home, child or elder care, navigating working from home and study, not to mention those who have lost jobs. One of my students also just lost her coworker to the virus, and my heart goes out to her. I’m extending all flexibility possible in deadlines and trying to be more present in discussions and responding to emails promptly, but I just feel like I’m not doing well enough at either teaching or my dissertation. Struggling for balance is real.

  29. Alianora*

    Looking for advice on communication!

    I had my performance review recently, and it went well, but one piece of feedback I received was that when I’m participating in discussions at work, I sometimes say things in a way that makes my coworkers feel like there’s no room to disagree with me. I think it’s a combination of my tone of voice (pretty neutral and kind of flat) and phrasing things in a definitive manner (“I think we should do X.”)

    I definitely want my coworkers to feel like they can disagree with me! My communication style is more Ask than Guess, so I’m perfectly willing to speak up when I have a different perspective than my coworkers, and I guess I assumed they would do the same. When people do disagree with me, I’ll discuss things with them and I may change my mind or say, “yes, that’s a good point,” based on what they say.

    The advice my manager gave me was to imitate one of my other coworker’s communication styles. She tends to meander a lot more in her speech and give a lot of caveats. To be honest, I find it a little bit confusing to listen to my coworker sometimes because I’m not always sure what point she’s trying to make. But she is very good at her job and good at building relationships, so I think I definitely could benefit from being more like her.

    I want to learn from her style, but when I turn it over in my mind it’s hard for me to figure out how to do this without reverting to a lot of habits that I’ve worked to eliminate. I’ve been taught not to uptalk, not to undermine my own point, and to own what I’m saying. Is there any advice for how I can reconcile these seemingly conflicting things?

    Some additional context: I’m the youngest in my office by 10 years. Most of us, including me, are female.

    1. Reba*

      Sounds like you could benefit from incorporating some introductory language or even like catch phrases, sort of, that invite your coworkers into conversation with you. Ask vs. Guess is a good insight.

      Examples: “What do you all think about this? I think we should do X.”

      “I had an idea for X and want to hear what others’ experiences have been.”

    2. CTT*

      I don’t think your manager means that by imitating your coworker’s communication style you should imitate her exact way of speaking – I think the advice is to look at how she approaches things, and it sounds like she’s very big on discussing things in-depth. Since she gives a lot of caveats, could you try bouncing off of those?

    3. Crazy Broke Asian*

      phrasing things in a definitive manner (“I think we should do X.”)

      Can you add a slight disclaimer? Something like, “I think we should do X, but maybe you have other suggestions?”

      I was going to suggest other phrasing, but then I realised that they give the impression of undermining your own point, so I’m not sure.

      1. Alianora*

        Thanks! I think that’s a really useful idea, explicitly asking for other people’s feedback. I’d like to hear your other suggestions even if they might give that impression. In this workplace, maybe undermining my own point isn’t the death knell I was taught in high school :)

        1. Crazy Broke Asian*

          I can relate! As a woman I realise the importance of not undermining my own point/competence/authority. But at the same time, I know very well that I can be an annoying know-it-all at times. It’s a tricky balance to strike.

          I’m still pretty low on the pecking order, so I try to remind myself that it’s possible I don’t have enough context. So I’ll say, “I think we should do X because ABC, but maybe there’s a context I’m missing?” Or, “. . . , but it’s possible I missed some angles/haven’t considered it from such and such.”

          I think it’s good to try changing the framing in your mind. You’re not undermining yourself, you’re giving people the chance to speak up, and that depending on the situation, it’s possible that others have different knowledge that you don’t have.

          I hope that helps!

          1. Alianora*

            Not exactly, but I took a class for IB called Theory of Knowledge that involved a lot of debate techniques. My English teachers also emphasized this, especially for girls.

      2. Quinalla*

        This was going to be my suggestion too, solicit feedback explicitly AND really listen and respond to it positively even if you disagree. Sounds like you are doing that now when people offer opinions, so that’s great.

        Also, you could try something like “I think we should do X because of Y and Z.” Something like that can also be an opening for folks to more easily disagree.

        I can be pretty direct at times too, but I also invite feedback explicitly whenever I can. Also, when something isn’t a directive, I make sure to phrase it that way. If something must go out tomorrow I’ll say:
        “I need X done tomorrow.” if I just want it done then, but it could wait I might say:
        “I’d like to send X out tomorrow, but the client hasn’t give a firm date. Does tomorrow work for you or do you need more time?” very much inviting people to speak up if they are too busy.

        And being confident is good when you are confident (or at least 90%+) but if you aren’t confident, it is ok to share that and soften your message a bit like “Doing X makes sense to me because of Y, but there may be something I’m not considering.”

        Not sure if any of that helps. The other way I soften my delivery, but still remain confident is to use jokes and warmth. Don’t let your only interactions with people be declaring confidently what you think, be warm and interested in them and joke around when appropriate. As a woman, I find I have to make sure I make a point of adding warmth especially in emails or I come off as harsh/cold/whatever where as a man can get away with just making his point with no “Thanks!’ or “Have a great weekend!” or other things I add. And it isn’t that I don’t mean them, I do, but it is one more thing I have to do.

    4. juliebulie*

      I prefer the blunt delivery of a direct communication style, so I don’t like your boss’s advice.

      I know that doesn’t help you, but honestly the criticism seems gendered.

      1. Alianora*

        My boss is actually also a really direct person (MUCH blunter than me, actually). She struggles with the same thing, which I think is why she brought it up.

        It did cross my mind that the criticism is gendered, but at the same time I can see that my coworkers’ not feeling comfortable speaking up is a problem. I was really surprised to hear that because I’m younger than everyone, and I’m pretty quiet in general.

      2. LJay*

        Yeah. Honestly “I think we should do X” is softer than my input, which is usually, “We should do X.” If anyone is afraid to disagree with me that is their problem, not mine.

        “I think” seems like more than enough softening language to me.

        But then I am the absolute wrong person to be answering this question since I know that in other industries my communication patterns have been a problem so…

    5. WantonSeedStitch*

      I don’t know if this is something that you do, but it’s generally a good idea that if you have a negative opinion, you should be careful about how you phrase it to avoid coming across as dismissive or overly negative in your general outlook. “X is a terrible idea and won’t work?” Bad. “I am concerned that if we do X, it will increase our workload significantly without increasing our actual productivity?” Good. If it’s specifically negative opinions that seem to be creating this situation where people feel like they can’t disagree with you, you might want to keep that kind of thing in mind. Alison has written some good posts about how to express negative opinions in helpful ways.

      As others have said, I think that being clear and definite about your own opinions and ideas is definitely better than lots of qualifiers and meandering, but that being explicit about inviting other people’s ideas is a nice way of being open and not coming across as shutting down discussion. “I think we should solve this problem by doing X, because of A, B, and C. What do the rest of you think?” Or, “can anyone foresee any issues with that approach?” You can also solicit input from others in making decisions and plans: “Juanita, the boss has tasked me with planning a rollout of this new procedure. I know you’re one of the people whose work will be affected by that. Can you let me know what your concerns and ideas are, so I can take those into account in my plans?” That way, when you come out at a meeting with “My plan is to do it this way,” you can address those concerns and ideas and talk about how you have dealt with them, so people know that you’re listening to them.

      1. Alianora*

        I try not to use judgmental language like that when I’m talking about other people’s ideas, but I’ll definitely be mindful of that in the future. My manager did say that I’m never rude – it’s more that my way of talking can be intimidating.

    6. Crazy Chicken Lady*

      One way that I see to approach this is…

      I agree that may be a good way to approach this problem but what about…

      …but that’s just my opinion/view and I’d love to hear other people’s point of view on this.

      (These are owning what you say while allowing and even asking for input from others)

    7. kw10*

      I think you can do this while still being blunt! The key is:

      1) Give context to explain your thinking. That way someone can disagree with your reasoning or bring up additional considerations, without having to feel like they’re attacking you personally.
      2) Explicitly invite discussion. It seems like you’re thinking “But they know everything is open to discussion! I don’t need to repeat it every time.” I think you need to reframe it as “This is a social convention that may be redundant, but I need to do it anyway to be polite.”

      In practice this might look like:
      “I think X would make sense because Y and Z.” (give context) “How does that sound? or What do you all think? or Does that make sense to you?” (invite discussion)

      This makes it easier for someone to jump in with “Well, Y and Z are true, but have you considered A and B? I’m concerned that…” As opposed to if you just say “I think we should do X,” without the context it’s hard to see where you’re coming from and any disagreement feels more personal.

      Does that make sense? (haha see what I’m doing here?)

      1. lurker :)*

        I am very direct (originally a litigator, now in business setting) and female. So I have had to work on this too! typically use a variation of, “I am thinking of taking this approach, but would appreciate everyone’s input or ideas if you think their might be another way to attack this problem”. It shows you’ve done the work of thinking through the solution, but are open to suggestion. :)

        1. The New Wanderer*

          This is what I do at work too. I’m female in a generally male-dominated industry and at this point in my career (senior level) I have some strong science-backed opinions, especially about my areas of expertise. But, I also know that I need other people’s inputs to make sure that my own information is complete. So what I tend to do is state my position but also state explicitly that I’m open to discussion, disagreement, feedback, suggestions, whatever is appropriate because I want to make sure that we as a team decide on the right position.

    8. Another worker bee*

      I’m going to be honest with you – the way you communicate doesn’t sound that bad to me. I work in a male-dominated field and if I was any less direct than you I would never get a say in anything. (And I’m usually either getting positive feedback on my communication style, which is described as “great at cutting through the BS and getting to the point” OR told to be even more assertive).

      Granted, all workplaces are different, AND people are not great at judging their own behavior, but I’m not convinced that imitating your coworker who meanders around with her speech and adds a lot of caveats to everything she says is the best way to be. I’m of the opinion that saying “I think” or “my best guess” should be enough of a qualifier that any reasonable person who disagrees with you can just disagree…

      This feels like gendered feedback and an office where people might be (and I hesitate to say this, because it also sounds gendered, but screw it) too sensitive. Disagreeing with someone at work is not an attack on them and adults should be able to handle that without being babied. My advice to you would be to do the thinks you are already doing, like prefacing with “I think” and telling people “good point” which is effectively giving positive feedback to someone who is disagreeing with you.

      I’d go back and ask for specific examples of when you have done this, and what negative consequences have come out of the discussion. Were you wrong and people didn’t speak up? etc.

    9. Boomerang Girl*

      Why not just ask them what they think should be done…without offering your own idea? At first you could just listen to others’ ideas. Later in the conversation you can introduce your idea—unless someone else already brought it up.

    10. Restless Rover*

      I’m not sure that I agree with your boss’ advice. I’m also someone who is very straight and to the point and find that pushback towards that communications style is 100% from my female colleagues. I work in a male dominated environment and have a tough enough time being heard because men apparently are only able to comprehend what’s being said when it comes out of another man’s mouth. If I employed a less direct style I would have no chance to be taken seriously. But I do pay a price for that in regards to my female colleagues. Though funny enough, several have approached me privately stating that they admire my directness. Bottomline, stay true to yourself. You can’t please everyone.

    11. Not So NewReader*

      ” I’ve been taught not to uptalk, not to undermine my own point, and to own what I’m saying. Is there any advice for how I can reconcile these seemingly conflicting things?”

      Uptalk, I won’t even go there.

      Don’t undermine my own point: Definitely don’t contradict yourself. And if someone comes at you in a harsh manner, put your foot down about the harshness.
      But try not to act preemptively defensive. Don’t protect something that doesn’t need protecting. Wait and see how others react first before deciding that you need to build a stronghold and hunker down. Even dousing people with piles of facts in a neutral voice can come across as overbearing. Some where along the lines I got a little too used to having my ideas shot down. I found myself launching a good offense (read:Defense) before determining if it was even necessary. Remember, some good ideas stand up on their own and, they do not need our assistance in standing well.

      Own what you are saying. It’s fine to have reasons for saying/believing what we say/think. This is actually a good thing. But there is something in the concept of “owning what we are saying” that seems to infer we need to defend ourselves from others. This sounds a bit more formal that what your group needs/requires. Try to replace “owning it” with explanations, bring others a long with you. Step them through some of your thought process. Encourage them to speak if you have missed a talking point.

      Other suggestions:
      Don’t let the only time you speak be the times you are talking about your ideas. Be sure to be seen showing enthusiasm for other people’s GOOD ideas.
      One tool I have used (only when TRUE) is to say, “Sue’s idea is actually better than mine, I think we should go with what Sue said.” Show a willingness to set aside your idea in favor of an idea that is actually better.
      Think in terms of conversation as opposed to presentation. This will help to dial back formality and also serve as a reminder to interact more.
      Let your humanness show from time to time. Don’t fake things and don’t make things up to appear to be more human, but just share in life experiences. Yeah it is annoying when we lose our house keys. Yeah, the dog always has to go out right when I get on the phone. Etc. Letting these small things slide out of our mouths every so often help people to be more comfortable with us. This is a sleeper it takes time for it to kick in. It does help to round out some gaps we may accidentally create while talking in a meeting.

  30. Crazy Broke Asian*

    The job board I use requires both jobseekers and companies to state their desired/budgeted salary. The problem is that you can’t enter a range, just a fixed number. As a jobseeker, should my number be the lowest end of my range (thus indicating I won’t take any lower), or should it be middle of the range (thus indicating that there’s room for negotiation)?

    I’m afraid if it’s the former, I might lowball myself. But if it’s the latter, I’m afraid of getting bypassed for asking too high.

    I can put zero, but that’ll make it a bit of hassle to filter the ads, and I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

      1. Crazy Broke Asian*

        Can you tell me what’s the reasoning? I’m still on entry level, and the fields I’m looking into are not high paying ones.

        1. Anonymous Educator*

          You’re stating what you desire. Since they won’t let you give a range, you have one number to give. Might as well go with the high part of your range. If you think the high part of your range is unreasonably high, adjust your range. But there isn’t any reason to lowball yourself if you have only one number to give.

    2. Admin of sys*

      Do not put the lowest number. I’d stick to middle of the range or closer to the 3/4 mark. If it’s a job you really really like the sound of, maybe go for the lower middle, but you don’t want to be barely what works for you unless you have no other choice.

      1. Crazy Broke Asian*

        Thanks! I forgot to say that the number is used for all applications automatically. So it’s set in the profile section, you don’t manually enter the number each time you apply. Which is tricky because depending on the job it the field, my number can be either too high or too low.

      1. Crazy Broke Asian*

        I use LinkedIn and a couple others, but honestly, there’s a reason why this board is the most popular. I find it very helpful to know the salary offered up front, unlike on LinkedIn, where I have yet to see a company discloses its salary range. The jobs are also more diverse, with plenty of blue collar jobs and entry to mid-level positions. I found my current job here, and so far my experience with the board has been positive, with the exception of that issue above.

  31. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

    *long long overly-detailed rant deleted*

    Our HR team sucks like a Dyson. :P

    1. Cloudy with sunny breaks*

      That’s a pretty good brand. Your HR must be extra special. And full of….dust dirt and other things?

    4. allathian*

      That’s funny!
      This is ancient history, but still occasionally makes me giggle. When Swedish home appliance manufacturer Electrolux first started selling their vacuum cleaners in the US, their slogan was “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux”…

  32. Dobermom*

    I’ve been working from home since 3/18 due to the pandemic. Yesterday, my supervisor sent my team an invite to join a random Zoom meeting. On the Zoom, we were told that we’d be having 2-3 impromptu Zoom check ins per week. It was done under the guise of “maintaining face-to-face communication.” My department’s VP (2 levels above my boss) has still been going into the office (I think he’s the only one going in…) and he notoriously has trust issues. I have a feeling that these impromptu Zooms are because our VP doesn’t trust that the team is working. I’ve heard from all of the other teams in my department that they all received a similar sort of invitation today. My supervisor told my team that he knows we’re doing our work and that we’re doing a great job, but that they just want to randomly check in – no agenda – to see how we’re doing. He said the meetings could last 5 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever. He even said that we won’t necessarily be talking about work!

    I feel like this is all very demoralizing. I am accepting this because it’s what I have to do, but I was fairly candid with my boss that the optics of this feel very micro-managey. If this is coming down from my VP (or possibly higher), I know that there’s not much I can do to push back on it. But am I way off base in thinking that this is kind of silly?

    1. WellRed*

      So, it’s like a surprise meeting? Yes, they are micromanaging and not trusting their employees. Feel free to remember this when things subside.

      1. Dobermom*

        Yeah, 2-3 surprise meetings per week. I thought this was overkill, but I wanted a gut check on it to be sure.

    2. noahwynn*

      My manager is doing this as well. I just assume she truly wants to check in like we always did at the office a few times per week. It isn’t a total surprise, she will generally send a same-day meeting invite for an hour or two later when we’re both free to chat for 15 minutes or so.

      What they’re asking doesn’t sound abnormal to me, but obviously you have the background knowledge on the VP and your manager that I don’t. I’m totally viewing through the lens of where I work and my own manager.

    3. Oxford Comma*

      What about trying to push back to your supervisor with something along the lines of having a structured day is helping you be more productive and that while you are of course happy to check in daily, the randomness is having an impact with productivity?

    4. MissDisplaced*

      We have these too… but they are scheduled, usually one is at 4:30 and the other at 9am and you can join either.
      If your team can push back, I’d suggest to the manager that these be at more regular set times and placed on the shared calendar.

      1. Not So NewReader*

        LOL. My husband nipped his version of this one. The boss’ habit was to call the first customer of the day to make sure his employee was on site. My hubby’s solution was to call the boss right from the customer’s phone. He usually had a question to ask or some other pretext for calling, but I am sure the boss got the message loud and clear. And my husband’s call prevented the boss from calling others. I am sure the boss wondered what he would do if everyone called at the same time. This nonsense was short lived.

  33. Dr Useless*

    I had a job interview (with about 24h notice, everyone is very disorganised at the moment) a few days ago and I’m fairly sure I don’t want the job – but I’m still finding it hard to get myself to tell them to take me out of the running. The tasks and responsibilities sound good, but it just sounds like a too high workload and too stressful environment for me to be happy in.

    1. juliebulie*

      Don’t tell them. It could take them a while to make up their minds (or they may end up cancelling the req), during which time your own situation and needs and priorities might change radically.

      So if they never make you an offer, you don’t need to worry. If they do, then you can decide based on your needs at that time.

    2. Teacher Lady*

      Consider what their entire process looks like. Is this interview the only contact you’ll have with them before they offer (or don’t offer) the job? Or will there be subsequent interviews/tasks/etc. that might allow you to learn more about the work environment? (Any chance you know anyone on the inside who would be willing to chat with you?)

        1. Dr Useless*

          I think you meant to respond on another thread (we’re using similar names to be fair…)

  34. Elspeth Mcgillicuddy*

    I’m going to be picking up some extra work doing delivery, either with one of the app based freelance things like instacart, or for UPS or another package delivery place.

    1. Anybody know which apps are the best to be working for?
    2. How much do you actually make with the apps currently? Package delivery companies look like they are paying ~$20/hr in my city currently. And I’d be putting miles on their vehicles. On the other hand, the flexibility of the app ones really appeals if they pay about the same.
    3. Any general advice about delivery in a time of pandemic.

    1. Crazy Chicken Lady*

      No advice but I noticed yesterday that Instacart has some funky tipping system that allows a customer to remove a tip several days after delivery. Apparently some jerks are using a big tip to lure in shoppers and then removing the tip after the fact.

      1. Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel*

        UGH, that made me so mad. I’ve been tipping 20% and putting up little signs on my porch door to say thank you to the shopper, because I’m so damn grateful they’re enabling me to avoid going to stores while pregnant. People suck.

    2. Jedi Squirrel*

      Before doing Instacart or Door Dash or similar, be sure to check with your auto insurance company. Most will not cover any incidents while you are working, and require a separate rider for such. My auto insurance (which is already high‒thank you, Michigan) would have almost doubled.

      Also, 3 Shipt workers in Meijer stores in my state have tested positive for Covid-19. You come into contact with a lot of people in these positions. (My skin is crawling as I type this.)

      1. SweetestCin*

        Great. Also in Michigan, and have been using Shipt to get groceries to a family member who needs to STHH.

      2. Elspeth Mcgillicuddy*

        Yeah, I need to call my insurance and see what it would cost.

        I’m not too worried about getting sick, since I’m young, have good lungs, and live alone. If I fall ill, I’ll probably just get better. I do take appropriate precautions, of course, but I’m one of the people least at risk and thereby a logical person to risk the grocery stores.

          1. Lucette Kensack*

            Right, but somebody has to go to the grocery store or work in the warehouse packing food. It’s a kindness for those of us at least risk to do so.

            Also, if Elspeth needs the income, she needs the income.

        2. StarHunter*

          I believe Amazon covers insurance for their delivery drivers except in NY (which is of course where I am).

    3. WellRed*

      Guess it also depends wehre you are. I was reading an article where someone went from making $500 or $600 a week doing one of the food apps, to less than half (example: waiting an hour or two and only getting a McDonalds order).

    4. ACDC*

      I honestly would do both options if possible. I have done Door Dash in the past and the amount of money you make is really a crap shoot. Sometimes you get a lot of orders with people who actually tip, other times you sit for an hour with no orders. If you did the package delivery, you would be getting more guaranteed money, then you could supplement with delivery apps on your own time if needed.

    5. noahwynn*

      I only do Instacart. I started a long time ago and rarely worked, but have picked up more right now to save some additional cash just in case. I like it because you don’t have set hours or anything, you just sign in right when you want to work and grab any available batches. Right now they’re paying $20-50 per batch, which includes the tip added by the customer. A batch includes shopping for and delivering all items to one or more customers. Looks like most right now are 20-35 individual items and from 3-10 miles of driving. You can view all avaialble batches in your area, the store you’re picking each one up from, the number of items in the order, and the drop off location on a map but not the actual dropoff address before you accept.

      Customers have, in general, been tipping better recently. I’ve had a few that have changed the tip after the face. Now I just don’t bother picking up batches with larger tips on the front end. If you think a shopper did a good job, you can always change the tip later to increase the amount.

      Most want contactless delivery, so you leave items on their doorstep and text or call them to let them know it is there. Also, keep in mind that things are taking longer than normal because so many stores are limiting the number of people that can be inside at once and forcing one-way traffic inside the store. This makes it more difficult when you don’t know where the item you’re looking for is located and are forced to backtrack.

    6. MechanicalPencil*

      Honestly, I hate Amazon, but I’ve picked up a job at one of their centers for a bit just for the extra cash. Like everyone else, I’m worried about being laid off/furloughed, so anything helps. I looked there and at some local grocery stores as a stock (I need overnight hours to not conflict with my other job), and unfortunately Amazon was…easier.

  35. Competent Commenter*

    I am so discouraged today. I worked solo in my current job for four years with a three-person workload, and was thrilled when we hired a second person and they turned out to be great. We had two years of getting through the backlog and while not able to completely cover everything, made some real progress and reduced the daily stress to manageable. Two weeks ago they told me they’d gotten another, much better job at our organization. Today is their last day.

    I am so happy for them—it’s a great career move and has much better job security, which is obviously so important right now. But the prospect of going back to working solo is so depressing. Some of the work I’ll be taking back is work I can do well, it’s just that it adds an impossibly increased workload. But there are other job responsibilities that I assigned to my employee because they weren’t areas of strength for me, and now I’m responsible for them again, and a lot of that work is very public. I am dreading it. It’s unclear if the position will be filled. I’m advocating very assertively on a number of fronts, including reducing services I provide, but that takes its own energy and it’s so sad to shut down things after finally being able to provide them.

    I am so grateful to have been reading AAM for several years now, because it’s really helped me keep my behavior with my employee respectful, professional, supportive, etc., even while inside my emotions want me to lash out at them or be cold or otherwise childish for “abandoning me,” especially as there’s a big public project in only a few days that I’ll be on my own for. I’m sure I would have managed this even before absorbing all of Alison’s advice, but I feel like the guardrails are so solid and with everything else going on right now, I sure need them. I’m in tears every day. We’re in a pandemic. Today is the anniversary of my spouse announcing they don’t know if they still want to be married, and now we’re around each other 24/7. Our two children both have some issues that add stress even in normal times. I’m already exhausted every day at 5 pm—I thought the pandemic would actually reduce my workload but instead it’s ramped it up. But I have done a great job at treating my employee well, as they absolutely deserve.

    2. LD Sr. Mgr*

      Sending you warm and positive thoughts to take care of yourself one day at a time. (hugs)

    3. blaise zamboni*

      My heart goes out to you for the professional and personal challenges you’re facing. That sounds so difficult even without the added stress of ~the world~ right now.

      I hope you’re able to find some pride in your work and professionalism (bravo, seriously), and in your efforts to set boundaries. And I hope you find some gentleness from yourself, your children, and maybe from your spouse if that’s something you still want. Lean on your other support networks now if you can. Best wishes to you that life is lighter and easier from this point forward!

  36. Green Goose*

    We just announced salary cuts yesterday and I was not notified ahead of time. I’m a first-time manager and I have one employee. He seemed pretty shaken on the video when the announcement was made. Likely a lot of people were, I had a spidey sense it was coming but had not officially been told. He is FTE but on a contract and we were both working hard to get him a FTE perm position but this makes me think it’s not possible. I tried to get some answers about his role from the higher-ups directly after the meeting but they were flustered and could not answer me just said they’d get back to me.

    I want to check in on him but I know I won’t have a lot of answers to his questions, should I hold off until I know more or reach out and ask how he’s doing even though he’ll likely want reassurances that I can’t currently give him? He is entry-level so his salary was already low and I hate that the company is reducing salaries of people in his salary-range. This is new territory for me and I want to do the right thing.

    1. Penguin*

      Reach out to him and let him know that you’re more than willing to take his questions and get answers for him (it sounds like you are) and that you’ve already asked for more information regarding his role. You can be up-front about not having answers yet, but the simple fact of reaching out (especially when you can honestly say you’re trying to get the information he likely wants/needs) will probably help him some.

      1. Jedi Squirrel*

        Agreed. He needs answers, but he also needs to know that you’ve got his back, or at least as much of it as you possible can.

    2. College Career Counselor*

      I think people appreciate transparency, even if you don’t have definitive information for your employee. You could say that you have tried to get answers about his status from your supervisors, but they haven’t gotten back to you. You can acknowledge that this is difficult for him and that you’re going to do your best to get him information as soon as possible.

      TL;DR: you don’t have to have all the answers to practice transparency.

      1. Lyudie*

        All of this. I’ve really appreciated it when my managers have talked about things like this and said “I don’t know all the answers, but I’ll give you as much info and support as I can”.

        1. Green Goose*

          Yeah me too, when I was the employee and getting tough information. I will do this today and see where his head is/what he wants to know and let him know I’ll support him.

  37. OperaArt*

    Not serious, but I’m fantasizing about finding my COBOL programming textbook from 1982 and setting myself up as an extremely expensive consultant for some of those states that find they have a sudden, powerful need for COBOL expertise. Most COBOL experts have long since retired.
    COBOL – the wordiest programming language in the history of programming languages.

    1. Crazy Chicken Lady*

      Why the need for COBOL? I only saw a passing mention of it on another website but didn’t pay any attention to the details.

      1. OperaArt*

        A small number of US states are still using 40-year-old systems to process unemployment claims. These systems, usually written in COBOL and running on ancient mainframes, were never intended to handle the vast number of unemployment claims now being filed. These states need help keeping the systems running while they try to get themselves over that 40-year technology gap.

      2. Brownie*

        A lot of state unemployment software was written in COBOL back many many years ago and quite a few states have never had the IT budget to rewrite all the software into something newer, only to migrate it onto newer servers. Add in the fact that it was never written to handle this load of people/processing and it’s all failing under load right now. New York, New Jersey, New Mexico, and Connecticut are the ones off the top of my head that I’ve seen in the news in the last few days begging for COBOL programmers.

      3. Box of Kittens*

        I believe a lot of states’ online unemployment programs were written in COBOL. My husband is a programmer (not COBOL though) and was telling me about this yesterday. Crazy.

      4. GoryDetails*

        There’s a recent article on CNN about this – several states still use COBOL software on really old mainframes, and it seems they do need some programming expertise to support them. (I remember going through this way back at Y2K time; that was 20 years ago and people were panicking about elderly COBOL systems even then, so I’m rather surprised that so many of them STILL have not been replaced!)

        1. tangerineRose*

          COBOL had no problem with Y2K, and it uses binary coded decimal, which seems to avoid the irritating issues where floating point mathematics will sometimes leave you with an invalid non-zero digit that’s way to the right of the decimal.

      5. Nicki Name*

        A lot of the lowest layers of the banking system are written in COBOL too. It’s such a high-stakes deal to change it, companies just keep choosing to put new wrappers around it rather than rewrite it in a more modern language.

        1. Clisby*

          Yeah, COBOL isn’t just for unemployment systems. When my daughter and I went to a college orientation session about 6 years ago, we were sitting at the same table as the head of computer science department (her major). He was astonished to find out that I did a lot of my work in IBM assembly language programming on a mainframe … and then it turned that the college still taught COBOL, because so many banks in the state still used it. Go figure.

          1. I'm A Little Teapot*

            Not just banks. Many of the old mainframes were on COBOL, and there’s more of them still in use than you think. Governments, insurance companies, banks, etc. Every company I’ve worked at had stuff on COBOL, and as old as it is, that stuff is generally pretty stable.

      6. CAA*

        Apparently many states never modernized their unemployment insurance systems (because if you’re a legislator, it’s hard to spend money fixing something that still works, even if it’s held together with bandaids) and they don’t have any way to scale them up to handle the new influx of applicants.

      8. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

        I was almost sure SABRE was written in COBOL, but I checked and (praise the Engineers) it isn’t. Every now and then I get an email from a recruiter who believes throwing money at my face is enough to tempt me, but at this point such a jump will be career suicide.

      9. closely, closely to the floor*

        I’m sure there’s a lot of legacy COBOL still in use. But from what I’ve seen, if you really want to be ‘popular’, learn SQL really, really, really good. As long as there are computers, database programmers will never go hungry.

      10. Chaordic One*

        I think the computer system used by the I.R.S. uses COBOL. Their computers are supposedly really old but, I would imagine, probably a bit more difficult to hack since so comparatively few people know COBOL now-a-days.

    3. Enough*

      My husband mentioned this to me last night. We don’t know Cobol but are of the generation that would have used it.

    4. Atlantian*

      My disabled husband was looking into that yesterday because, before the disability, his degree was in Programming in the late 90s, so COBOL was one of his things, only to find out that, at least in one state, it’s a volunteer gig.

      1. LQ*

        THAT is totally BS. States just got a bunch of money from the feds to help with this problem. It’s not enough to get through forever, but it’s absolutely enough to hire some COBOL programmers to help. And the feds explicitly said you don’t have to do all the normal hiring song and dance, just get the help you need.

      2. OperaArt*

        I’ve heard of some specialty COBOL consulting firms starting up. Maybe he could connect with one of those.

      3. AndersonDarling*

        Ick. That’s like asking for a volunteer heart surgeon. Some things you should pay for.
        And wouldn’t some crafty people volunteer just so that they could get first hand knowledge of the system and then hack it later?

    5. RadManCF*

      One of the best programming languages in my opinion. It’s so high level that the code is pretty much self explanatory, without comments. It’s a shame it’s fallen by the wayside.

      1. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

        The learning curve is too high for today’s standards. Also, most of the skills are the exact opposites of OOP and Agile.

        1. RadManCF*

          Really? It seems pretty intuitive, easier than BASIC even. But then again, I’ve never actually written anything in COBOL. It certainly looks more pleasant to use than any other language I’ve used, at least until you start doing any math beyond accounting. Also, didn’t the most recent specification for COBOL include support for OOP?

      2. tangerineRose*

        I like how it deals with numbers (although it should be expanded to be able to handle bigger numbers), but I wish it had local parameters and the ability to pass parameters. Also, I think the string and unstring commands have issues with large strings.

    6. StarHunter*

      Totally wordy. I could program the same the same thing in Basic in about 10 lines of code that took 10 pages in COBOL. For some reason though I did great at COBOL. It was right before Y2K. Probably could have made a fortune. And in a later data warehousing class found out NYS basically built all their new computer systems around the old COBOL language.

  38. Seifer*

    So it finally happened. I got laid off yesterday, but the HR lady called it not only a lay-off, but an elimination of position, and a furlough. Like she didn’t know. They say they’ll prioritize rehiring, but how concerned should I be that a) the termination paperwork does not mention covid-19, and b) there is a clause in the severance that I waive rights to be reinstated?

    1. Blue Eagle*

      If you waive rights to be reinstated, then you probably will not be reinstated. The severance probably means that you are hereby severed from the company and don’t expect to come back.

    2. Colette*

      Assume you won’t be returning and proceed with that in mind.

      It sounds like they’re pretty disorganized, but you don’t have a job there at the moment, so you should be looking elsewhere.

    3. ThatGirl*

      When I got laid off in 2017, it included a no rehiring clause. That’s a lay-off. It’s not a furlough. I’d push back with the HR rep and clarify. They may be using paperwork that never got updated without thinking about it. Or she may have been very confused.

      1. Seifer*

        I pushed back with her and she said that absolutely I am eligible for rehire but obviously they would have to have a need for my skillset.

        Obviously.

        Because I was the only person doing what I do. I’ve been keeping touch with my boss and she is freaking out over everything that I got done.

        1. PollyQ*

          “Eligible for rehire” just means they’d be willing to consider you for some potential job somewhere down the road if you applied for it. It doesn’t mean that they’re planning to bring you back.

      1. Seifer*

        That’s what I’m sayinggggg. We, the peons, never liked her much to begin with, but now I’m just like. Are you serious, lady. This is not the time for this.

    5. RC Rascal*

      Have an empl0yment attorney review paperwork prior to signing. They can help interpret it for you; also you may be able to negotiate some of the language.

  39. littlelizard*

    I have been stressing a lot lately, and my work is definitely slipping. I feel paralyzed by stress and depression a lot of the time. My manager has noticed not enough completed work in my department (it’s a very small department) and emailed us for more updates. How do I get it together and get things done…

    1. Generic Name*

      I think it’s okay to speak up to your manager and say you are struggling. Maybe ask for more time to get things completed, or ask for a list of priorities so you know what HAS to get done and what can wait. Hang in there; this is hard on everyone, regardless of their situation.

    2. Mad Harry Crewe*

      Everybody is struggling. I would speak up with your manager (as a group if possible) and ask for help – clear priorities, or to shelve less-important projects completely, or even just understanding that you are all doing the very best you can under very poor circumstances.

  40. Grateful healthcare worker*

    Essential worker in healthcare. Just wanted to express thanks to everyone who is going out of their way to do nice things for healthcare workers. I heard a radio story yesterday about a woman who is walking her neighbor’s dog and leaving the neighbor cooked meals (neighbor is a nurse working 14 hour days).
    My work place (cancer clinic) has had lunch sent in from local restaurants by local group several times and it’s been so nice to wake up and think “I don’t have to worry about lunch for today.” And I know it helps the restaurant to be getting that order too.
    This has really made all of us feel super appreciated right now.

    1. SophieChotek*

      What can people do? I don’t actually know any healthcare workers (and all my immediate neighbors are retired/furloughed/laid off non-essential) and don’t have a budget to say, order food in for staff at nearby clinic/hospital.

      Beyond Staying at Home/Sheltering, is there anything I can do to show appreciation in a tangible way?

      1. Cloudy with sunny breaks*

        Just want to reinforce that staying home is tangible, even if it doesn’t feel like it. It’s kinda like when you are driving and you hear a siren so you pull over. Clearing the way is helping!

      2. Grateful Healthcare worker*

        Yes, staying home is the most important thing.
        Also get educated! Read up on the proper way to wear a mask when you do have to go out, the proper way to wear gloves, how to sanitize things, the proper way to wipe down items etc. I can’t tell you how many people I see doing these things incorrectly and it’s frustrating. An example, did you know that for a lot of sanitizer wipes there is a contact time (amount of time the surface must stay wet) for the sanitizer to work? One swipe with the wipe does some good but not as much as you think (also they are intended for use on non porous surfaces ie shopping cart handles not the paper board boxes that your waffles come in).

    2. Rusty Shackelford*

      THIS is what we need to be doing for healthcare workers. Not organizing a big public clapping session!

  41. MissBookworm*

    I might very well go insane by the time this pandemic is over.

    Anyone dealing with worse-than-usual meetings? How are you dealing with them or working out the issues? I need ideas!

    What’s going on with me:
    Our clients have no concept of asking for availability before scheduling calls. I have had four meetings this week alone where I was just sent an invite without them even asking if I could attend at that time. Two of them I was able to parry back at them and say I wasn’t available (thanks to other meetings!), but the other two I couldn’t without it making a mess (difficult, demanding client).

    The calls are also just on a completely different level—so much arguing, people talking over each other, and no one knows where the “mute your phone” button is for when they aren’t talking.

    And they just all automatically assume that we all have working audio on our computers and can use Skype or Zoom easily without having to call in. My company doesn’t allow us to use that feature (I have no idea why!). We have to use a conference call line.

    I feel like I’m also on a lot of pointless, why am I even involved, type of meetings where all I say is “hello”. Many of my meetings this week have been of that type. I have no idea whether I can push back prior to the meeting to determine if I really need to be there or whether I should suck it up and sit through it. And if I could push back, what should I even say?

    1. Mazzy*

      Interesting. The “problem” I’m dealing with is kind of the opposite. I feel like my coworkers are all getting very chill and are starting the view the economy and customers and our company as something other, something out there, something you don’t get yourself too worked up or stressed over. I feel like that when we were in the office, people had more a sense of urgency and saw everyday that what we did was a real thing. Now, it’s just emails and a few pretty computer programs and some spreadsheets and word documents I understand why people are starting to zone out.

      1. MissBookworm*

        I think a lot of it is mental. Like when you’re in the office you have to work because it’s the office setting, but home is home. Unless you’re someone who normally works from home or has done so before it’s difficult to get used to. It’s absolutely difficult for me—I don’t have a dedicated office space and can’t use my kitchen table (because of others also at home with me it’s not an option) so I’m setup with my laptop in my bedroom.

        I end every day by making a To Do List for the next day. Normally—in the office—I’m able to get 90% of it done, but now I’m only hitting 75%. I’m not taking more breaks than usual, and I’m spending less time talking to coworkers so why can’t I hit or exceed the same numbers? One answer is that at work I have dual monitors, at home I only have my 13in macbook; calculations are taking me much longer to accomplish because I have to flip back and forth between multiple reports and software. And all those meetings.

        1. Mazzy*

          Oh I get that. I remember a while back I complained about my wrist hurting and someone mentioned a second screen, and I thought that was only something scientists or engineers use more for style than substance. Then I got one, and boy, it decreased the amount of clicking I needed to do and helped my developing carpal tunnel subside

    2. SweetestCin*

      I have a client who has a similar trait – no concept of asking availability, and they often don’t bother to provide more than 5 minutes notice now that we’re all WFH (and they were the first to complain about our entire campus being WFH but that got shut down quickly by the owner of our company).

      I was annoyed at first. And I’ve since realized that this behavior on their part is just further amplified because we are WFH. They did this when we were all working from office, its just it was very easy to push back with “HEY! You need to give me more than 5 minutes notice for a meeting in your office that IS THIRTY MINUTES away by car!”. Now its less easy to push back, and at first, nobody was. Granted, three weeks later, there are a LOT of meetings that have been moved multiple times, which tells me that someone in the chain is saying “Nope.”

      If I had a dollar for every call in staff meeting I had to attend in a previous job, where all I said was “hello”…

    3. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Not using Zoom is because the software package has many security vulnerabilities on many levels. For all platforms, including Windows, Mac, iOS, Android, even Linux. My husband’s an IT security guy who was taking flak because he won’t let it be used on our devices…yesterday he popped up to say the US Senate agrees with him. ArsTechnica link to follow.

        1. MissBookworm*

          I get that! Though, I was told it was just the free version that was having issues. The clients who use it own a license or whatever. Not a technical person, so not sure how all that works.

          1. Seeking Second Childhood*

            As far as I know, even the enhanced-privacy versions for health & legal companies are only as secure as the other/client end of the call.

    4. Mad Harry Crewe*

      I think you can still very much push back on short-notice meetings. “I’m sorry, I’m in the middle of something and can’t join. I have availability today at X, or tomorrow I can do Y or Z. Let me know which of those times is best for you.” The ‘decline’ button is there for a reason.

      Can you start asking for an agenda? That would help you determine if the meeting is just going to be a bunch of shouting, or if your contribution is actually needed.

      And for any meeting that you’re running or high-level involved with, it’s super reasonable to open with “Could everyone please make sure to keep your sound muted when you’re not talking? It really helps reduce background noise. If you aren’t sure how, there’s a little microphone icon on your screen, lower left. Thanks!”

      1. allathian*

        I don’t know about Zoom or Teams, but at least on Skype for business there’s an option in settings where you can mute everyone, just don’t mute the chair.

  42. Junior Dev*

    I think I’ve been extra cranky and prone to conflict at work since we got the work from home order. Part of it is that it’s easy for stuff to escalate and for me to not read social cues over text or video. Nothing huge yet but it’s been a pattern I think and I don’t like it. I usually care a lot about being empathetic and kind, but between worrying about (and sometimes directly helping) friends who are more directly impacted by the pandemic, and my own mental health being really challenged by this, and the extra difficulty of reading emotions and tone over video, it’s just not happening anymore. (I’m also more likely to have conflict when I haven’t slept or am especially burned out on something.)

    I don’t know if anyone has advice on this. (No lectures please, I get that this is not a good thing to be doing.) I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have gone through something similar. How do you stay polite enough for work when you feel overwhelmed emotionally? How do you advocate for yourself and your needs at work without being a jerk when you’re all tapped out? I imagine people going through something similar in the past due to grief or pain; I know when my chronic pain has been bad it kind of turns me into a jerk. And I don’t need to be a saint but I do need to not actively offend people during the work day. What are strategies that help?

    1. Remote worker for ages*

      I’ve been a remote worker for 6 years. One of my biggest, initial problems when I started was that its hard to know when I was upset at something legitimate. Am I reading their text as annoyed because I simply cant see them? Am I misinterpreting how much this effected them because all I got was a zoom meeting, and they werent later joking with us in the kitchen to diffuse things?

      When I feel myself getting upset at work, I go through this process:

      – Stand up
      – Drink Water
      – Have a light snack
      – Follow along with a breathing exercise

      Sometimes just doing this will take a situation down a couple pegs, and help me separate my emotions and physical discomforts from work. If work is just legitimately stressful, or life is really in the way of me clearing my head, I’ll escalate through these steps:

      – Take a 10-15min break outside, either walking or on the apt balcony these days.
      – Take a shower. I read hot showers can release the same endorphins as hugs. I donno if its true, but I do process my emotions in a shower and come out a little better.
      – Strike up a casual conversation with a coworker. This is a little particular, but some of my coworkers are actually friends, and so just taking a break to shoot the shit and talk about a video game helps reset.

      More extreme situations, I’ll:
      – Email my therapist and let her know I’m having trouble, so we can talk about it in a session.
      – Plan out PTO. Maybe I cant take it right away, but give myself a long weekend to look forward to soon can make me steel up in the moment for whatever happening.

      I’m lucky to have those options available and I try not to use my PTO purely for stress management, but if the alternative is being an unstable, hard to talk to coworker, I think of it as my responsibility to manage. Sometimes I just need a long weekend to play games and sleep in, and if one isn’t on the horizon, its better to take it than expect my coworkers to deal with it.

    2. Another Lauren*

      Something that’s helped me is to force myself to assume positive intent. Even if something sounds like it’s an attack on you, give it the most charitable read you possibly can, if for no other reason than to make yourself feel better. Additionally, cut yourself a bit of a break too! I would guess that none of us are our best selves at the moment, and I know I’ve had some interactions that are more brusque than usual on both sides. Good luck!

    3. Llama Face!*

      No advice really, just commiseration. I’m in a similar situation and struggling with a lack of emotional reserves to deal with people/communication issues or setbacks. Normally I am pretty chill and am able to not let things get to me but lately, ugh!

      1. Junior Dev*

        “Lack of emotional reserves” exactly captures the thing I was trying to convey, thank you. They’re all used up on other things.

    4. Avasarala*

      Not great advice, but allowing and forgiving myself to redirect that energy to other areas, even if they’re bad habits. Clenching my jaw with a smile to keep my mouth shut. Picking at my nail polish or cuticles under the table. Daydreaming/zoning out while someone is talking. These are not great solutions, but they’re better than snapping at people, and sometimes that is OK when your batteries are dry.

      More helpful solutions, if you can remember them, are focusing on breathing–count to 4 in, hold for 7, breath out for 8–or whatever numbers work for you. Or stretch out your foot like you’re pressing the brake pedal in the car. Picture the car of your life and body careening out of control, then press that pedal and slow it down, bring it to a stop, get it under control.

  43. Sitting Bear*

    Anyone else okay with handshakes no longer being a thing? I was never a huge fan, and am tired of how some old school hiring managers assume they can tell the quality of a potential hire based on their handshake.

    1. juliebulie*

      I’m sure those same old school hiring managers will think they can find significance in the quality of your fist-bump too, but yeah no, I’m fine with handshakes disappearing forever.

    2. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

      I hope that after this, while handshakes will probably still be a thing, people might be more respectful or understanding of people who choose to nope out of handshaking.

    3. Anonymous Educator*

      Yes, I’ve always hated handshakes, especially knowing most men don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom.

    4. Jedi Squirrel*

      *Waves hand in air enthusiastically!*

      Yeah, I’m hoping this is one positive outcome of this situation. I’m all for bowing.

    5. Mimmy*

      I’m naturally a handshaker when I meet someone new in a professional setting so I don’t think that’s going to go away on my end. However, I’m sure there will be those who no longer want to shake hands. How do I navigate this? Do I take the cue from the other person? I’m worried that I’m going to get myself into an awkward situation.

    6. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

      Handshakes are considered “cold” and “distant” here, so I guess we’ll do a thumbs up, which is the informal version. Or the elbow bump.

    7. KoiFeeder*

      Me! I’ve had people pop my joints right out by shaking my hands too hard, and for some reason “oh, my hand tends to dislocate” is not a good excuse. So this is great.

    8. noahwynn*

      I don’t mind handshakes going away. It is awkward though because it is so ingrained as a cultural norm that I almost immediately offer my hand when meeting someone new is a business setting. However, I refuse to replace it with a fist bump or elbow bump. Why do we have to touch each other at all? There’s no need to replace a handshake with something 10x more awkward.

      1. Sitting Bear*

        I agree I don’t want to replace it with other gestures. In so many cultures, it’s normal to just verbally greet people you meet. Idk why you have to touch one another. I always thought it was weird and gross.

    10. tangerineRose*

      I’ll be happy if handshakes are no longer a thing. Can we just wave or say hi or something instead? The elbow bumps seem like a silly thing to do.

    11. Tau*

      I didn’t mind handshakes – I don’t think the crushing grip is common over here – but I am also fine with them being over because they’re such unnecessary vectors for contagion. Like, even if Corona wasn’t a thing we still have the flu going round every year, no one really wants to get the common cold either, there are other illnesses… why not just bow to each other or something?

      Not sure it’ll really die out over here, though. Germany is a very handshake-heavy culture overall.

  44. Youth*

    Working from home. Lost my voice due to sinus infection. Zoom calls have been frustrating. That’s all.

    1. KarenK*

      I would use the chat function instead: “Sorry, lost my voice, so I’ll be chatting.”
      I monitored a lecture over Zoom today where I don’t think anyone but the lecturer talked. Looked like everyone used chat. I wasn’t actually listening (topic: treating cardiac patients with COVID-19, I think) , but it appeared to be much more organized.

      1. Youth*

        Oh, I have been. But people aren’t paying much attention to the chat. That’s why it’s frustrating. Especially since I’ve been a stakeholder in two of those meetings.

        1. Epsilon Delta*

          this happened to me a few months ago. It sucked, I don’t have any advice beyond sending messages in chat like you are doing and maybe following up later if necessary. It only lasted a few days for me.

    2. Mad Harry Crewe*

      If they’re relatively small meetings, could you use the emote function to draw attention to your comments? Or get a colleague to request that everyone open their chats and let the group know that Youth has lost their voice and will be typing today?

      If you’re a really important stakeholder, can any of these meetings be pushed off?

  45. jr*

    I have started some very preliminary job searches, mainly because I have been a bit unhappy in my job the past few months (pre-COVID). Now, my small biz employer is doing everything in their power to retain and pay the whole team. I know it’s a burden for them and I am extremely grateful that I don’t have to worry about money for at least the next 6 weeks. There is a chance I could get furloughed after that. All that is to say, if I do keep my job, – how should I handle quitting if I do manage to get a job offer in the next few months? I feel guilty….

    1. Analytical Tree Hugger*

      First, people leave jobs. Unless you’re job is directly needed for the pandemic, try to give yourself a break from feeling guilty about it. No company is reliant on one person, so they won’t collapse without you.

      Second, you could give them more than the standard notice, but that might not be necessary. The main thing is to document your work processes and set them up for success.

      Third, you leaving might actually help them as that’s one FTE salary, benefits, etc. they can spread out.

      Good luck!

  46. Crazy Chicken Lady*

    I’m usually pretty even tempered, particularly at work. I’m not emotionless – I just keep any sort of anger or sadness far far away from the office.

    But yesterday I was cranky. No idea why. I’m stressed for some reason and can’t figure out why. Am I going stir crazy? I’ve taken 8 hours off this week over the course of three work days, and spent some pretty nice afternoons in my gardens. I love gardening. It’s my happy place outside of work in the spring and summer.

    But I’m stressed. I replied to an email yesterday afternoon to a coworker and was downright crabby about what they were doing. I instantly regretted it and it kept me awake a bunch last night. They replied this morning in the nicest way possible, and I replied with the most apologetic apology possible. I still feel like crap. Gah. Not.his.fault!

    Not sure how to work out the stress.

    1. Alianora*

      I think everyone’s especially stressed now, and everyone being stressed means they have less patience with others, and that feeds back into the negative cycle.

      Do you have anyone you can talk to outside of work about frustrating things? I’m staying with my parents for the lockdown and it’s actually so helpful to be able to complain to my mom about little work annoyances, to get it out of my system without taking it out on my coworkers.

      1. Crazy Chicken Lady*

        Luckily I don’t live alone- I have Dh here plus one of my kids is home for a few more days. I think Dh and I just need to spend more time together.

        Dh knew I was cranky yesterday and worked to reduce stresses. I was just all around cranky. Generally space is what I need but this has been a days long thing.

        1. allathian*

          Maybe you need a hug or five from your husband? I know that helps me when I’m cranky, even if I usually need a lot of time to myself.

    3. Oxford Comma*

      This is me right now. I’m flying off the handle at the smallest things.

      I am having a really hard time, but what does seem to be helping for me is some kind of a structure to my days. It’s the only way I’m staying sane. It’s how I keep track of what day it is. How I keep work from bleeding into home. But the problem for me is that life doesn’t always fit with this structure. I get assignments thrust at me. Tech breaks down. I get calls from my parent that I have to answer. I am not as flexible as I used to be in responding to any of this.

      I have no solution. But just throwing that out there.

    4. LQ*

      I’m very much struggling with cranky lately. A lot of the people I work with are too. You can kind of see it on someone’s face either during the day when they hit the wall or first thing in the morning. Yesterday it was one of my staff. She was having a bad day. She owned it right away when she came in. Letting people know up front as best you can is helpful I think. Not sure if you are in a high pressure or essential role, but especially if you are, I feel like my colleagues have been incredibly understanding.

      I had someone who appologized to me this morning for something that was apparently rude yesterday. I have no recollection of the incident at all. And we talked about it a bit to reassure her that her and I are entirely good and I have the utmost respect for her and totally am not going to be bothered if she says something a little off right now.

      So part of it is I think, being as understanding as you possibly can of others and that helps to turn around.

    5. Manic Pixie HR Girl*

      I wasn’t cranky yesterday but I was definitely feeling down and very unmoored. I think it’s normal, and I am pretty certain most people are understanding of it right now. You apologized, and it sounds like from your coworker’s response they are being forgiving right now (which we all should be, including with ourselves.)

    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      It has suddenly been 4 weeks since my daughter’s school went remote, and then both my job and my husband’s. It’s all built up on us now. I was actually almost glad for a 5-day furlough to get some distance from office issues…. and now the family’s getting cranky too. (Although it’s easier to sooth my family off with comfort food.)

    7. Mad Harry Crewe*

      Be kind to yourself. Being cranky right now is not weird, or a personal failing, or a sign that you are a Bad Person, or all of that previous even-keeled nature was a sham. You’re experiencing trauma, along with everyone you know. This sucks.

      A few threads up, Remote Worker for Ages has some good suggestions about how to handle irritation when you’re remote.

  47. Mimosa Jones*

    I filed for unemployment yesterday as a part-time freelancer. I’m nervous over whether I qualify and feeling a little guilty/undeserving for applying for my small income. But my husband has been unemployed since October and as a programmer, I suspect I’m more employable than he is, so unemployment brings in some income and gets me access to whatever help my state is able to provide.

    To add to the fun, the state says I filed a worker’s comp claim in the last 18 months. I broke my ankle nearly 2 years ago, but it wasn’t anything to do with a job and I did not have an employer to file a claim against. I have no idea how to start unraveling that one.

    1. SweetestCin*

      Can you request that the state provide any documentation, as you do not have any record of filing a worker’s comp claim in the last 18 months?

      No idea how that would happen. Typo somehow in a SSN? Sounds extremely frustrating though, sorry.

    2. LQ*

      First, make sure you used (SSN, name the same as social security, etc) the correct information when you filed and in the correct field, it sounds obvious, but honestly double-check.

      Second if there is a way to “Appeal” within your account use that to start to unravel it. If they asked for information fill it out (online if at all possible) and then if you need to appeal use that to work it.

      Then the self-employment stuff is going to likely be the slowest to get out the door in most states, so be patient. Keep an eye on the website for what information they have as far as PUA which is what you’d most likely qualify for.

    3. pancakes*

      Try not to feel guilty for even a moment. This is exactly what unemployment insurance is for. A system in which only people with higher salaries “deserve” to not be destitute would be even more brutal and inequitable than the system we have now.

      1. valentine*

        Try not to feel guilty for even a moment.
        Yes. The older I get, the weirder (and pointed) it is that so much media is about rejecting aid, including calling things you’re entitled to charity and disparaging that, while simultaneously praising giving to charity.

  48. SunnyDay*

    I had my 1-year review yesterday (via video call) and was so anxious for it! I know I am good at my job and have helped to turn our department around, but I was still so worried about it for some reason. However, as I deep-down expected, it went really well. They gave me a raise and alluded to a title change as the year progresses and my role changes. I am so excited about the coming year and new responsibilities.

    I am so grateful to HAVE a job right now, it makes me appreciate every email I send and phone call I make that much more. I hope everyone out there is having an OK Friday whether you are working or not!!

  49. Mimmy*

    Just a bit of a rant:

    So my state job is classified as a temp even though it is indefinite and I’m normally on a regular part-time schedule. When the pandemic hit, HR sent an email to everyone with instructions for coding their timesheets; those of us in the temp category were told not to put in for any hours. My supervisor confirmed this. So I applied and collected unemployment for two week.

    So imagine my surprise when, on Monday, my supervisor said that we COULD be paid. It won’t be nearly the same number of hours as normal, but it’s something. I wish I had asked what the change was or if it was a miscommunication.

    I honestly don’t trust our HR though, so we’ll see how this pans out. You better believe that I’ll be looking for jobs that are more stable than this. Sigh.

  50. Curious George*

    My anxiety is taking a hit right now. I’ve been working with my boss for over 5 years and generally we get along very well, but working for her as an IC and working for her as a manager are very different, as she doesn’t relinquish control. As an employee this was fine, as I would talk with her about individual projects and the like. But, now that I’m a manager, directing staff is complicated, because she frequently assigns them work without telling me or works on her own on something that I should, at the very least, be aware of. Now that we’re WFH, these characteristics are emphasized and I find myself constantly wondering whether I’m being a productive and supportive member of our department. We try to have regular meetings (50% success rate) and I’ve let her know that I’m ready, willing, and able to work on things. But, three weeks later, I’m running out of ways to subtly let her know we need to collaborate (or at least coordinate) more. I don’t think I can be more direct without annoying her. She’s sensitive to being told that she needs to share more, delegate more, which we’ve discussed in the past, usually with her acknowledging she’s aware she does this, but not really following through.

    In the past I’ve been able to accept some of the last minute information or finding out information after the fact. But, because of our current work environment it’s happening on a much more regular basis and I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable with my day to day, which is not helped by being stuck at home with no real outlet. I’m not the most open, trusting person on my best days and while I was able to mostly hide my monkey brain at work before quarantine, the increased lack of control or even awareness is definitely testing my resolve.

    1. Mad Harry Crewe*

      I think it’s worth talking to her. I would let her know that in your next check in, you want to work on strategies to handle the shift to remote work (or similar – make it clear that this is a YOU-need, not a HER-need, and that it’s a new problem because of remote, not because she’s incapable of letting go).

      In the meeting, as much as possible, avoid accusing her of anything. Just let her know the problems you’re seeing, offer your suggestions, and ask for her guidance about how to deal with them. For example “In the office, I was pretty good at tracking what my team was doing just through normal conversations. Now, I find that I barely know what anyone’s been assigned, and I’m worried I’m not offering them good support. Could I ask that all assignments for the team flow through me right now / could you make sure to CC me on anything you send them / (other suggestion/request)? Do you have any thoughts about how to handle this?”

      You could also set up check-in meetings with your team once or twice a week, or institute a short daily “stand-up” meeting for everyone to sync up on their plans for the day. Stand up would make more sense if your team works together a lot, individual meetings would probably be better if the team is more independent. If your manager won’t tell you what she’s assigning, there are other places to get that information. It would also let you check in on people and make sure they have the support they need.

    2. Free Meerkats*

      Since she won’t listen to you, you need to work with your team. That could go something like, “When Ludmilla gives you work to do, accept it, then let me know. If it’s something we need to not do, I’ll let Ludmilla know. I’ll also let you know the priority to give her tasks.” That way they aren’t pushing back on her.

  51. BlueDijon*

    I am a generally perfectionist person who does best with in-person work to gauge tone, level of panic, that everything is ok, or if there’s something I should be worrying about. I am relatively new to my assistant-managerial role (7 months), and currently working from home. This situation is throwing all of that out of whack, and I suspect I’m not the only one in a constant state of anxiety that I’ve missed something, that something is going to go wrong, or that I am misreading situations because I’m basing everything off of texts.

    Anyone have any strategies that have been successful for them? This is clearly not sustainable on my end!

    1. Penguin*

      Speaking as someone who has often tried to sort out situations with incomplete information, try to remember that you can often ask for clarification. “Hey, when you said “X” did you mean it this way, or that way?” You don’t necessarily have to make decisions based on only the information someone volunteers. Obviously this depends on your boss, coworkers, workplace dynamics, etc. but I find it a helpful reminder so I don’t end up making a circumstance worse by completely misreading it.

    2. Mad Harry Crewe*

      If it’s literal phone texts, could you encourage people to move towards Slack or another team chat program? Texting isn’t searchable, it’s really hard to share information outside the text or integrate it into any other kind of communication like email… that just makes my skin crawl, trying to work by text.

      I second Penguin – ask for clarification, and recap what you think is happening next. “Ok, so based on this email thread, here’s what we’re doing next: Jane, you’re working with the Teapot team to find out A, B, and C. Fergus, I’m expecting X and Y from you by Date. I’ll work on Z. Our deadline for this is Date2. Thanks, everyone! Let me know if this summary doesn’t line up with what you were expecting, or if you run into any issues.”

  52. Union Alexander*

    In the latest dilemma presented by online classes, my professors have started calling me. Me, personally. With no warning!
    Technically this is a good sign, I think, because one of the professors calling has been the chair of the department, who’s known to take on a student assistant in their senior year, and I Want To Be That Assistant. And he’s been calling me to ask if I want to talk to admitted students on behalf of the department, and things like that. But also, the only time I’ve ever had to talk on the phone for work was when I was covering the front desk at the admissions office, and I had a pretty set script for that. I don’t have a script for this!!! Any advice for how to sound professional and put-together on calls like this???

    1. Sled Dog Mama*

      For talking to students, make yourself a FAQ sheet with things you or your classmates wanted to know and the answers so you don’t have to rely solely on your memory.

      1. LD Sr. Mgr*

        Yes, this. Expect them to go off topic, especially during these times, so you really need that script to be sure you’re covering everything YOU want to cover as well as room for their input. You may not always need it but it can be a reassuring resource for consistency. Good for students, you, and Professor.

    2. MeTwoToo*

      It might help to write out your own script to start the conversation. “Hi, this is Union Alexander calling on behalf of XUniv. I wanted to reach out to you for blah, blah and see if I could answer any questions for you prior to yadda, yadda?”

    3. BlueDijon*

      As someone who works in admissions, you only really need a set script to introduce yourself, and start the conversation. Students want to hear from you off the cuff – just introduce your name, the school/department you’re calling from, and let them know you’re calling to check in and see if they have any questions. If they don’t have questions, totally fine, just hope that they’re doing well during this time and let them know how to contact you if they think of something (if that’s something you’re open to – if not, ask the department who you should send people to for further questions).

      I promise while you’ll be nervous for the first call, each one afterwards will be less nerve-wracking.

      1. Catwoman*

        Former admissions person here. I agree. Write yourself out a little introduction sentence as a greeting. Also come up with a short message if you get voicemail.

        If you want to score extra points with that department head, type this all up into a one page PDF (maybe also include some phone numbers for admissions, financial aid, etc… to refer students to) and send it to them. I’m sure they would be grateful to have something to send to other students they’re calling and it will look good for you to have taken that initiative.

    5. Mad Harry Crewe*

      If the professors are cold-calling (without having set up a meeting), I would update your normal phone-answer to be on the polite-neutral end of casual. “Hello?” is totally fine – just like if you were expecting a call from your bank or doctor’s office on that day.
      “Hello?”
      “Hi, this is Professor X, I’m trying to reach Union Alexander.”
      “Oh, hey, Professor! You’ve got me, what can I help you with?”
      [they’ll tell you what they need]

      As long as you aren’t loudly chewing or coughing into the phone, professional conversation with someone you know and ‘work’ with is not that different from a normal conversation. You generally don’t want it to drift into very personal topics – if they ask how you’re doing, you give a fairly surface-level answer like “I’m alright, how are you?” – this is something that will also evolve over time. There are customers I talk to quite regularly, and we’re a bit more familiar, but I’m generally going to take my cue from them, and even so, the most negative/revealing thing I’d probably say is along the lines of “Oh, you know – taking it one day at a time. Yourself?”

      Depending on the school, student/professor relationships are typically more casual than a workplace-formal relationship. I don’t think you need to worry as much as you are. Be polite, be helpful, ask any questions you need to about what they’re asking for – but don’t freak out.

  53. Kesnit*

    My wife was furloughed last week. We knew it was coming, so it wasn’t a huge shock. She filed for unemployment and got a response today with the amount. It is about what we expected, given her pay when she worked. However, she asked about the additional $600/week that is supposed to be coming from the federal government. They told her the money “hasn’t been released to [them] yet.”

    Has anyone gotten this extra money? Does anyone know what is going on with that extra money?

    1. Anonish*

      It hasn’t been released to the states yet. The bill was JUST passed so it’ll be awhile. I’m not sure if payments will happen retroactively or just begin when the money comes through, but I don’t think anyone has actually gotten those payments yet.

      1. Angelinha*

        Some people in Massachusetts have started getting the $600 payments. I read on Reddit that some people saw them this week as $600 deposits separate from their weekly payments.

        1. Lynn*

          I could be wrong, but I believe some states were sending this money of their own accord and waiting to be reimbursed by the Feds. Others are choosing to wait until they have the money in hand.

    2. Lucy P*

      It’s going to be different state by state. As Anonish said, it just passed. Many of the states have been waiting not just for the money but also for additional guidelines from the federal government. My state just announced that the additional funds would be sent to individuals next weeks.

    3. Mazzy*

      “additional $600/week” – I thought states were raising UI from $400 or whatever to $600.

      1. Mazzy*

        Oh this is easily Google-able. Wait..what? That’s actually alot of money then! Does UI get taxed?

        1. Lucy P*

          Yes, it gets taxed. My state gives the option of having them take out the tax for you. On approx $250, they are taking $25 out of my check.

        3. Jeffrey Deutsch*

          NB: If you elect to have tax withheld and then are required to pay back the UI (such as if the employer contests it and wins), you have to pay back the gross amount — not just what you actually received after tax withholding.

          Of course, in that case you do get to keep the withholdings as a credit…for when you file your 2020 return next year.

          For example, if you get $250 a week, elect to have $25/week withheld for taxes and then four weeks later are told you’re disqualified and have to pay it back…you have to pay back $1,000, not $900. You then still get to claim the $100 withheld against your taxes.

          Choose wisely.

      2. noahwynn*

        Minnesota just started sending out the additional payments this week. They sent them as a seperate deposit according to the news.

        I know some people might make more than they were making at work with the additonal $600

    4. LQ*

      Money was released on Tuesday. Some states are getting it out this week. It’s going to be really tough for some states to get it out the door.

    5. Lucette Kensack*

      States are handling this differently. My state just started sending the extra $600 this week, and was among the first states to get it going. It WILL come, and she will get it back dated to these weeks before they got the system going.

  54. On that Academic Job Market Grind is Employed!*

    Academia is a nightmare right now, and I’ve been terrified about the job offer I got in March being rescinded, but I got a very nice email from the Provost this week laying out exactly what will happen if they are online in fall or the start is delayed, along with some other details and an overall message of “your job is safe, we can’t wait to work with you!” and I was so relieved I cried for like 45 minutes. Now to figure out how to move states in July. -_-

    2. Combinatorialist*

      Did the Provost say when they might be making that decision? Because if you are going to be online in the fall or delaying the start is delaying your move an option?

      1. On that Academic Job Market Grind is Employed!*

        not much of a timeline was given (which was pretty understandable). we definitely considered delaying but we’re hopeful that the end of July will be ok because we hate the apartment we’re in and that’s when the lease is up. Plus, my husband’s very likely to end up laid off soon and the move will help him get going job searching in the new location

    3. Reba*

      I’m so glad they reached out to you proactively! Yay.

      I’m worried about friends in similar positions and even hearing that grad school offers are being rescinded.

      1. On that Academic Job Market Grind is Employed!*

        I know, the way some of these institutions are handling things seems absolutely unconscionable. sending love/good vibes to your friends!

  55. artsy_person*

    Anyone else work in public programming and struggling with a work culture/management team that thinks things will be “back to normal” in an unreasonably short timeframe? My attempts to bring a dose of reality to the conversation have labeled me “depressed,” “erratic,” and my attempts to restructure programs to online content as ‘inferior to the real thing.’

    1. Penguin*

      Not in public programming, but definitely experienced with have objective statements taken as “pessimism.” A couple thoughts that might help:
      1) Accept that certain people will take certain kinds of statements as pessimistic and don’t make those statements around those people if you don’t want to deal with their reactions.
      2) Consider what you’re trying to accomplish. If you want to convince someone that “You’re being unreasonably optimistic” maybe don’t. Many people get through stressful or traumatic circumstances with a certain amount of self-delusion, and if their stance is not harming others, maybe just let them be. On the other hand, if you’re trying to fix a potential problem (e.g. counteract someone’s stance that “We don’t need to think about layoffs because this will all be over in a couple weeks”) then explicitly make that problem-solving the focus. For example, saying “The [insert medical authority, government office, etc.] is strongly advising that employers do X because predictions by authority Y is that [concrete problem] is likely to extend into July even if active cases drop to acceptable levels by May” is a lot harder to brush off as “alarmism” than “there is no way this will be over by the end of the month” is.

      1. pancakes*

        It’s not merely “self delusion” if they’re encouraging others to share their deluded views, though.

  56. I hate the offseason*

    Anyone else getting burned out from the constant stream of updates (same info from multiple levels in my organization) and attempts at “team building?” I have a relatively new manager (new to org, not management) and her style is a bit too much in the trying to be personally connected for my tastes. I don’t want to be buds, thanks. I just don’t want to engage that much, but feel like I need to because she’s the boss. Just burned out on it all and it’s week 4.

    1. Coverage Associate*

      Yes. Thankfully, the substantive stuff has been reduced. The first few days of shelter in place, we got “we expect this agency to issue a temporary order soon” and “this agency will issue an order tomorrow” and “the order covers xyz topics.” None of it was actionable.

      Now it’s poetry and photo contests, but meanwhile I have more family stuff and there are more requirements related to accounting, and it’s just too much.

      1. Chaordic One*

        OTOH, I’m on furlough and it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen my manager. It really is unlikely that they are going to lay anyone off, and it is going to be a real shit show when we do get called back to work because work has just stopped and there will be a bigger than normal backlog when we do get back there.

        I’d appreciate a phone call or email from my manager (or anyone else from work). Just to check in and keep in touch.

  57. NW Mossy*

    Any advice on beating back all those “does what I do even matter anymore?” feelings until things get back to normal-ish?

    My work area has slumped due to COVID-19 and much of what I was meant to be doing this year is getting pushed back, cut down, absorbed by others, and/or scrapped altogether. I really enjoy having a balance between managerial duties and project work, and as the project work has disappeared I find myself struggling for purpose. My team’s doing incredibly well considering the crisis and the company’s being very supportive towards employees, so the managerial stuff isn’t ramping up enough to fill the hole in my days.

    I know the right answer is to talk to my boss, but it’s not been fruitful yet. He’s brand-new in his role (less than a month) and neck-deep in dealing with the crisis, so he’s not yet been able to give me much direction on where he wants me to focus. Realistically it’s going to take him 6 months or so to get his bearings, but I’m not sure I can hold my sanity if I spend that long in suspended animation. Also, the extra time at home is giving my brain WAY too much space to fret about my career and how I’ll be able to recover the ground I’m losing.

    1. merula*

      Have you ever heard of the urgency/importance quadrant framework? It was big with efficiency/process consultant types maybe 10-15 years ago? The thinking is, instead of doing the things that come in on an urgency basis, we should look at the importance of our tasks and spend more time on the high-importance/low-urgency ones and less time on the high-urgency/low-importance ones.

      Right now, the entire world is focused on high-urgency/high-importance stuff. The low-urgency/high-importance stuff is necessarily pushed to the side. It’s no less important in the grand scheme of things. I mean, bookstores are closed but liquor stores are not; that’s a short-term importance decision rather than a long-term one.

      For filling your time now, before you talk to your boss, I would take stock of what you *can* do. Is there non-urgent documentation for past projects that it would be helpful to do? Is there a way to do some pre-work for future projects? Is there something you can do to support your employees or your broader organization? With how new your boss is, you’re likely to have better answers to that than he is.

  58. Anonish*

    I got laid off a week ago (in the most awkward Zoom call ever) and between severance, UI, and getting onto my spouse’s insurance I’ll be okay financially for awhile. But I’m not sure how to go about job searching right now. Even if I got hired somewhere tomorrow, I wouldn’t be able to take the job because of course I have no childcare for my six month old. How are other people handling this?

    1. Crazy Broke Asian*

      I’m sorry to hear that!

      I’ve been job searching for a few months since before the pandemic. When we began to WFH, I took one week off job searching to handle the transition. Then the next week I did some minor updates on my resume and LinkedIn profile. Then I got back to my usual routine of using Sunday to apply for jobs.

      I think that depending on your field, hiring would take even longer than usual, so there’s nothing to lose by low-key searching.

    2. Mad Harry Crewe*

      Nobody has childcare right now. I’d start looking – if someone is interested in hiring you (safely) during this, they’ll already be dealing with parent-employees home with kids and all kinds of other non-optimal stuff that wouldn’t normally be ok. You can also ask questions about that during the interview process: “I’m sure you’ve got people home with their families right now – how are you handling those adjustments?” or something.

  59. Need a 2nd Opinion*

    I’m already peeved at my employers this week for something else they’ve done, so just want a second opinion this.

    We’re in property management and act as agents for our clients to manage their properties and collect rent. Several tenants have not been able to pay their rent due to the current economic situation. In response, the company sent out an email to all tenants asking them to pay their rent by the end of the month. In order to not be charged late fees they will have prove that they were out of work and/or that they did not get their stimulus checks by the end of the month. Am I wrong in thinking this response is out of line?

    1. Jedi Squirrel*

      Okay, I can prove that I was out of work‒I can just show them the email my employer sent me.

      But how on earth can I prove that I did NOT get my stimulus check? Do they realize you can’t prove a negative?

    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      How exactly do they want someone to prove that they *didn’t* get a stimulus check?

        1. WellRed*

          Well, that’s an overreach (I’m not giving my personal banking info to anyone), and some people may get paper checks, not have it direct deposited.

          1. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

            Plus, I personally don’t have a clue when in the month my bank statement gets mailed to me. I get it once a month. I read it. I file it. What day does it come and how does that work out compared to the first of the month? I dunno.

            Plus I’ve got two bank accounts. I do not get those statements anywhere near each other, I do know that.

            1. Jdc*

              You can always log into your account and pull up your statements and it’ll show the date they are posted.

          2. Chaordic One*

            I’m sure your landlord or property management company ran a credit check on you before they let you move in, so they already know a lot about you and your finances. If you’ve ever paid your rent by check, or even online, then they probably already have your checking account information and they know what bank you use. If you paid your rent by credit card, then they know your credit card number.

            I do online banking and it is easy to print out a record of transactions on the day before they want the info. I would black out the account information and the names of any businesses listed in the transactions where I don’t want them to know what businesses I patronize or where my money goes. That leaves the amounts and dates of the transactions, which is still none of their business, but which would let them know I haven’t received a stimulus check yet.

        2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Well, I mean, I have several bank accounts and I fully expect that most of them won’t get a stimulus check. :P

    3. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

      I’d think it would just be easier for your company to assume that the tenants are out of work legitimately and waive the late fees for this month. How much worktime will you spend tracking down and organizing this information vs the late fees themselves?

    4. pancakes*

      Where is your employer getting this sense of certainty about tenants receiving stimulus checks? The IRS is reportedly going to get “some” checks out by the end of next week — how is your employer certain there won’t be any delay? How is it certain that most or even many tenants will be among the people to get direct deposit rather than paper checks, which will reportedly take longer?

    5. Ronda*

      my local town had a video town meeting about assistance being provided. (rent food child care for healthcare workers)

      suggest to your employer that they see if your local area has any assistance programs and ask folks who are not able to pay their rent if they will contact these groups for assistance.

      It will be much better public relations if they try to be helpful to their tenants.

    6. valentine*

      Am I wrong in thinking this response is out of line?
      It’s so out of line! Maybe the tenants want to eat or save because they don’t know how long they’ll be unemployed. What sheer gall, to spend their alleged pending money.

  60. As Close As Breakfast*

    Can anyone help me further understand, or come up with a way to better explain to our employees, how the new unemployment benefits work? The short version of the issue we’re running into is that some of our employees are seeing that it looks like they would actually make more money on unemployment than working at the moment. We are a manufacturing facility that has been deemed essential because we produce equipment for the food production and packaging industry. So, yay! We all still have jobs! Except that our employees have started to talk about how much they would make on unemployment, which is looking like it’d actually be more than they are currently paid. We are in CA, so the base unemployment for all of our employees based on their current wage rates would be $300-$450 a week as far as we can tell. With the additional $600 a week from the federal stimulus package, even after the small amount of taxes they would pay now or eventually, their weekly take home would be more. The idea that they would make more money while not having to work is a tough concept to argue against!

    Look, I completely get that there are many other factors to consider, like the fully paid medical/dental and PTO we get not to mention that having an actual job 4-10 months from now could be huge if there aren’t other jobs to be found then. I imagine that is exactly why the $600 increase exists and I absolutely support it. And I know that the unemployment system is really bogged down and it could take weeks and weeks to get any benefits. But the reality of it is that $600 is $15 an hour which is higher than our minimum wage currently and is what we actually start all of our employees at. Most of them now make more or much more than $15 an hour but it seems like you’d need to be making somewhere north of $70,000 (depending on your tax situation) to end up with less take home pay.

    It feels really harsh to say that if an employee quits because they want to make more money while not working for however many months, our company would contest the claim. But we would really like our employees not to quit and I can’t imagine we’re the only company that is/will face this. While we are open, business is definitely down so we aren’t able to pay so much more in wages to try to make up for how much they would make on unemployment.

    Any suggestions? Are we misunderstanding the laws? If we are, please, PLEASE help me understand! Otherwise, suggestions on how to help our employees? I completely understand what they’re thinking, I did the math and even as management (in a non-urban area) I would take home nearly my same weekly pay. But those benefits won’t last forever, benefits from working like fully paid medical insurance will be lost, and there is no way to know what the job market will be like when the benefits end. Or maybe I’m totally wrong and going on unemployment is the better option for our employees? It’s a crazy world, I don’t even know any more. Help.

    1. NaoNao*

      Well, for starters, employees who voluntarily leave won’t get unemployment, they’re not eligible!

    2. Mazzy*

      I just reading CA’s website. I think many people including myself were under the assumption that anyone could apply and get it. That’s not true. They just made it open to self-employed and gig workers.

      Certain people with health issues may be able to get it, but it’s definitely not a slam dunk case:
      “You can be eligible for benefits if you choose to stay home. Once you file your claim, the EDD will contact you if we need more information.”

      If you quit because you don’t have daycare and your kids’ school was closed:
      “You may be eligible for unemployment benefits. Our EDD representatives will determine eligibility on a case-by-case basis by scheduling a phone interview with you.”

      I’m wondering if some of your employees want to pretend to have been gig workers or self employed to qualify? It’s saying you have to provide some information about your self-employment but it’s too vague to tell if the information can be easily faked and slip through the cracks.

      And on another note, the rate of pay of $400 a week seems very low. I made that much at a job I picked up after losing my job in the great recession 11 years ago, and it was barely enough to pay for food and the car, and costs have risen 25% since then (2% inflation a year, compounded). Maybe when you pay that little, you need to expect people to act desperate?

      1. As Close As Breakfast*

        Thank you! I think you’re correct, and that most of the people talking about it don’t realize the specific eligibility requirements. Very few articles/news stories we’ve looked at explain it very well and I don’t know how many people are looking at the actual EDD website to see the restrictions. I think there might be a perception that they will get the extra $600 by being or claiming they are unable to work because of school closures? I don’t know any more, but my barley functioning brain thanks you for the info!!! I think I’ll print out the eligibility page from the CA EDD site so that our employees can be sure they understand them. I hate the idea of anyone making a decision thinking they’ll be able to get that extra $600 a week, only to find out that they can’t!

        1. Mazzy*

          I think it actually is an additional $600 based on what I read after commenting here. But I think that people are deluding themselves into thinking they can masquerade as an independent contractor to get some extra money. Maybe when they saw uber drivers getting UI they thought “hey lemme pretend I do uber on the side?”

          1. AcademiaNut*

            Yeah, I don’t think the UI office is in the habit of accepting undocumented statements about employment history. They’ll be on record as having earned a salary paid by your company, and if they aren’t eligible for UI because they quit they’ll be in for a rude surprise. And it would be entirely reasonable and ethical for your company to tell the truth – that the employee was not laid off, but chose to quit.

            I’d set out the requirements clearly for your employees. If they don’t believe you, then it becomes their problem.

        2. Ali G*

          The $600/week is only for people who are unemployed due to the pandemic. If you can’t work because you don’t have childcare you can use the EFMLA which provides 75% of you regular income and protects your job for you. They do not qualify for unemployment, so the only option is to take a pay cut to stay home.

      2. Sympathy for the Devil*

        Agree, Mazzy, on the pay/acting desperate. Even the high end of what they’re reportedly making is nothing. My high-schooler makes as much working 30 hours/week and in an area with a lower COL.

      2. As Close As Breakfast*

        From what I’m reading, it looks like the standard unemployment benefits are being expanded to 39 weeks and the $600 from the CARES Act would be for up to 4 months? I could be misunderstanding though, I’m ruling nothing out at this point, lol.

  61. ACDC*

    Want to share a small win coming out of working from home for me. I have a coworker who is a control freak and really passive aggressive. Dealing with this person at the office was my least favorite part of going to work every day. Since we have been remote, I barely have to talk to her at all and it has been a wonderful relief for me.

    2. arjumand*

      I don’t have a green screen and there’s a bookshelf behind me ): Otherwise I’d happily use the Magic Flute background!

  63. Butterfly Counter*

    Just a rant:

    My brother, a sous chef at a country club was “let go” at the start of SIP in his area fully expecting to be rehired once things are under control.

    He recently saw a newletter from the country club with a picture of the head chef and the “sous chef” doing curbside delivery of meals. My brother was confused because the sous chef in the picture was not him. He called the head chef and was told, “The sous chef is my brother-in-law who needs an income during this outbreak.” Apparently, this will be a permanent replacement.

    Though my brother is already receiving unemployment, he’s mad that 1) he had to find out from the newsletter he’d been replaced, 2) that he’s wasted weeks not looking for a new job in an industry already being hit hard by the outbreak, and 3) nepotism is alive and well. Just, ugh.

    2. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

      Ugh. Something like this happened to me during the recession: I got fired so the boss could give her daughter a job. Sorry this is happening to your brother :(

    4. WellRed*

      That sucks, it’s also a lesson in not waiting on your employer to rehire you. At any rate, if this drags on much longer, I find it hard to believe restaurants are going to be doing a big business in curbside. I feel most people are pulling back spending, especially on things like takeout.

      1. Auntie Social*

        He’ll be a terrible sous chef because his heart’s not in it, and it will be a disaster

    5. HBJ*

      Ugh, my husband had this happen. He had moved for the position, and the boss said he had enough work. Then, a few months later (literally weeks before our wedding, in fact, talk about stressful!) the boss said, “uh, sorry, I don’t actually have enough work. You’re laid off.” Last in, first out. My husband found out later that there was plenty of work, and the boss laid off my husband to hire a client’s kid so he could do his client a favor and have to pay less money in wages (my husband had a professional certification, while the kid would be an apprentice.)

      My H is a great employee, so he was fortunately hired elsewhere within a week, and they were fine with him taking the time off a month later for our already-planned wedding and honeymoon.

      1. Jeffrey Deutsch*

        I’m glad things turned out well for you in the end.

        Karma just might bite (have bitten?) your husband’s boss. Hiring/supervising clients’ family sometimes ends in a mess…including the clients being more ticked off than if they’d refused to hire the family in the first place.

  64. fhqwhgads*

    I don’t know if I’m just looking to commiserate or looking for advice or if there’s anything I can do, but here’s the situation:
    I started a new job recently. My department head made a really big deal about how glad they are to have me and really interested in my expertise and any feedback I can provide. It seemed really genuine too, not just A Thing Corporate Bigwigs Sometimes Say To New People.
    At first I didn’t really have much to say because I was getting the lay of the land, but now I’m more settled and have offered more feedback. Every single time I have offered my opinion his response was something to the effect of “thanks but we decided (opposite of what I advocated for).” That made me wonder why he’d asked the group’s opinions in the first place, as my replies came fairly quickly. Now I know not everyone will agree every time and there may have been five other people advocating the opposite direction. This isn’t about me not getting my way. But it’s starting to feel very discouraging that this particular person really encouraged my to share my thoughts and seemed to eager to them, but now maybe six times in a row seemed to dismiss it immediately. It makes me not want to comment unless I feel very very very strongly. And that’s not usually the culture here.
    Normally I’d worry that my ideas are out of sync with the general direction of where we’re going but this doesn’t happen with anyone else. I’ve gotten very positive feedback on my performance in general. I’ve also had conversations with other people on my team who agreed with the stuff I’d said that got dismissed, so I’m not all alone with some sort of wacky ideas. I just spoke up first and got shot down fast so one else bothered saying the same thing.
    I’m trying really hard not to let it get me down, and maybe it just feels worse because it was a bunch of times in a row, but this makes me not want to chime in at all. At the same time, I know he’s probably under a ton of pressure related to COVID-19 stuff it’s possible he’s making decisions more quickly than normal and less inclined to weigh as many options as usual.

    1. OtterB*

      Do you report directly to the department head? I’d suggest making this a part of a how’s-the-new-job-going conversation with your manager, whether that’s the dept head or there’s someone between you. If your organization doesn’t have a check-in and you don’t have some kind of regular one-one-one, see if you can set one up. Then, in a general conversation, you can say how happy you are to be doing X and how interesting you’re finding it to learn about Y, and ask if they have any feedback for you. And you can also say, it’s looking to you like the dept head is dismissing a lot of your opinions and you wondered if there’s some context to that – is there organizational history you don’t know, or something about your timing/phrasing, or other things that would let you do a better job of using your expertise to help the organization.

  65. My Tender Ears*

    I’m adjusting reasonably well to working from home except for one thing: it’s driving me absolutely nuts when I’m trying to work and I can hear the people in the next apartment being, ahem, NSFW, which happens almost every day and always during the late morning/early afternoon. Do I have any standing at all to expect that they’d at least TRY to be quiet between 8:30-5:00 on weekdays?

    Other noises they might make don’t bother me at all, but the daily-yet-unpredictably-timed moaning is wearing on my last nerve and is stressing me out to the point that it’s affecting my productivity because every afternoon I’m on edge knowing that at any minute they’ll start up YET AGAIN, and sooner or later it’s going to be while I’m on a call or in a meeting and I really, really am not looking forward to dealing with that. Our apartments have open floor plans (read: very few noise-dampening walls, and no other rooms to move to), my white noise machine doesn’t help much, and I really prefer not to listen to music/tv/etc while I’m working.

    1. Bunny Girl*

      I think this is one time that I think an anonymous note might come in handy. Leave one on your neighbors door that says Hey I’m glad you’re having fun! But we can all hear you.

      1. My Tender Ears*

        I really don’t want to be That Annoying Neighbor who complains about noise, but ugh. (And part of me is also afraid that knowing they have an audience might encourage them, ewwwwwww.)

        1. valentine*

          I would laugh every time or eventually tune it out. It’s not a reasonable ask, when you wouldn’t ask them not to make other noises or ask the management to reschedule construction.

          Wouldn’t headphones stop your colleagues hearing it during a meeting? Can you go to a quieter space for meetings?

    2. fposte*

      Oof. I’m inclined to let noisy self-soothing, which is how I’d classify this, go, but the disruption during work calls is frustrating. If you approached them about this, how would you plan on doing this? Are there specific times other than the entire day that you could ask them to avoid, or would it be just asking them to keep the noise down some during the daytime?

      In the meantime, I’d pull out everything sound-absorbing I had and put it in that room. Blankets would be especially good, and anything you can do to hang them up, prop them flat against that wall, etc., would help.

      1. My Tender Ears*

        If I did say anything, I kind of feel like giving specific times (“Hey, could you keep it in your pants from 11-12 Tuesdays and Thursdays and 1-3 on Wednesdays and Fridays?”) might be even weirder than just asking for general quiet, but on the other hand, maybe not? Hmm.

        1. fposte*

          Those are complicated to convey, annoyingly, but it could still be worth a try. “Hey, I’m just dropping a note to neighbors, since I know many of us are working from home now while managing family life, and our apartments really allow sound to travel. I’ve now got regular meeting times between 11 and 3 Tuesday through Friday–if possible, can noisier activities happen outside of those hours? I’d really appreciate that, and I understand if it’s not always possible.” Note the pretense that this is going to everybody and the bland vagueness about what possible noises could be referred to.

    4. T. Boone Pickens*

      I’d try a polite note and see what happens although you run the risk of them either ramping it up or probably worse yet, they shift their schedule to the middle of the night where it interferes with your sleep.

      I’m assuming you’ve tried noise cancelling headphones?

    5. Black Horse Dancing*

      Honestly, unless they’re screaming, I don’t think you can do much save complain to your landlord. They are having sex in their home, it’s not their fault the soundproofing is crappy. Call your landlord, put on on music , etc. (I know you said you would prefer not to play music but that may be what it takes).

    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Or you could do something I heard about in college. In a friend’s dorm, with any indication of romantic activity, somebody would start playing sultry music right next door.
      Don’t really do this, just think about it. It doesn’t help with your meetings, and if neighbors are grouchy it could backfire.

    7. pancakes*

      Even a polite note is still a note asking people not to have sex in their own home. I wouldn’t expect it to go over well. My suggestion it to experiment more with white noise — there’s pink noise and brown noise too, they’re slightly different — and make and take phone calls using headphones.

    8. Jedi Squirrel*

      My apartment community has an online forum where people can post to the entire community. Not everyone is signed up for it, I’m sure, but I have seen messages about not exercising after quiet hours are over. Perhaps a phone call to management, who can then politely and discretely remind everyone that a lot people are WFH during the day.

      1. Black Horse Dancing*

        But they’re not doing anything wrong. They are having sex in their home. This is on property management for bad soundproofing.

        1. JediSquirrel*

          Under ordinary circumstances, I’d say no, they’re not doing anything wrong. You want to knock boots loudly during the day when most people are gone anyway? Fine by me. I won’t even be around to notice.

          But these aren’t ordinary circumstances. People are working from home now during the day, and they are also trying to homeschool their kids. I don’t want to have to explain to a seven year old why the neighbors are having loud panting and moaning sessions multiple times a day.

          And yes, this is on property management for bad soundproofing, but it’s too late to do anything about that now. The simplest solution is just to ask people to be polite during the day and keep the noise down.

          And notice, I’m not asking them to not have sex. Just to do it quietly.

          There really are going to be a lot of births 9-10 months from now.

          1. Black Horse Dancing*

            All I know is, depending on what my neighbors are like (have they been decent to me, treated me well, kept their kids/pets/household noises under control), I might blow that request off. Again, these people aren’t doing anything wrong. And if they want to knock boots in their own home, that’s their business. They’re not violating noise ordinances, they’re not doing anything illegal, etc. Unless those same neighbors can ask people to not let their kids noisily play or not to play their TV, vacuum, etc., asking them not to have sex is rather presumptuous. Running to the landlord–I would ask the landlord for more soundproofing but that’s it.

            1. Black Horse Dancing*

              I should add, asking them to have quiet esx or muffle themselves is also presumptuous unless they are screaming, etc. I’d play some music or get some headphones.

            2. Avasarala*

              You can certainly ask your neighbors to keep the noise down, whatever the noise is. They’re not asking them not to do it, just to do it more quietly. And surprisingly it can actually be done quietly enough not to carry through walls.

    9. Jeffrey Deutsch*

      I’d let it go. Some people are just loud lovemakers.

      Would you rather they do it during dinner? Or when you and your family are trying to sleep?

      PS: Music may be the least of the evils. Try something thematic by the Starland Vocal Band.

      Sincerely,

      A former visiting professor, who stayed in the college’s Guest House and who graded exams at his desk against the wall…right next to the room of one of his female students. The student was having an affair with another professor.

  66. Anon for this*

    My boss is “allowing” us to come back in next week and it’s stressing me out. We are essential workers, but the majority of us can complete all of our work from home, so we shut the office down and have all been working remotely except for a handful of people who have to do physical work on site. Everything has been getting done and we’re chugging along, with some of us taking on extra projects to help each other out and deal with a new wave of demand.

    Then suddenly this week, we got an all-staff email saying we can all come back into the office starting Monday, but it’s “optional” and we will stagger days so it’s only one department at a time. We were also told that if we “choose” to keep working from home, we’ll be subject to much stricter monitoring from now on, and that if we don’t show that we’re working a full 40 hours, we will lose our benefits. Several of us sent emails to our supervisors saying how we didn’t think this was a safe idea – it’s a very small office and the departments all share a bathroom and kitchen, and every person who decides to come in would be potentially exposing the people who HAVE to be there. We were each met with either dismissal or reassurance that we’d all be “careful” (wash our hands, wipe down surfaces, etc). The virus hasn’t peaked in our rural area and our governor just extended the stay-at-home order, and I cannot imagine why now is a good time to start slowly phasing in office work. None of our supervisors have told us of any issues with our productivity.

    We have no HR department and since we’re technically essential, no guidelines are being broken. But it’s really, really stressing me out. I’m staying home, but some of my coworkers believe “the whole thing is being blown out of proportion” and I know they’re itching to get back into the office. It’s not that I’m worried I’ll be exposed (though that’s a concern) – it’s that I think more than doubling the amount of people in our small space is putting EVERYONE in the community at risk. (We also have staff who are traveling from the office all over the state to vulnerable communities). I don’t really know what to do.

    1. Entry-Level Marcus*

      I could be wrong, but I thought stay-at-home orders required people to stay at home unless their jobs were both essential and could not be done from remotely. Maybe you could look into your state’s order and see if that’s true, and if so point it out to management (or even report them).

    2. WellRed*

      I’d be so tempted to send around the image I’ve seen with virus blobs floating around a cityscape that says, “If you could see it, would you still go out?” But that’s probably not helpful here. Stay home. They’ve said it’s OK. Let them monitor you more. Also, I think Entry-Level Marcus is right about stay at home orders.

      1. MissBliss*

        Ohio put out a very good video about the importance of social distancing. That could be worth sharing. I’ll put a link in a response.

      2. Anon for this*

        I know, I think I’m having a hard time with wanting to control my coworkers’ behaviors which is obviously not actually helpful. I contemplated sending out an email of my own, with data about how many carriers are asymptomatic, but I decided against it. I hope everyone just does the sensible thing and stays home unless they have to.

        1. WellRed*

          I hear this. I had a coworker who kept popping into the office though we had all been told to WFH. It irritated me, but I managed not to say anything.

    3. Emilitron*

      Wait, one department at a time, staggering days? So your team will all be in at once, and they think that’s still social distancing? That’s really not how it works, if they wanted a sparsely-populated office they’d be better off doing it alphabetically, or every 5th desk on the floorplan, or really any way other than having a whole department in on the same day.

  67. Somebody Save ME!*

    I need advice on a bizarre situation. I’m not sure if this is normal or just bonkers. My employer is acting weird and I’m not sure if it’s the pandemic (craziness) or what.

    My coworkers and I are still working (essential) and coming into work (our jobs can’t be done remotely). The owner was always a bit of a stiff and gruff, but it was manageable.

    Now, every time he walks into a room he expects us to (metaphorically) drop to the floor kissing his feet in gratitude for keeping us working. It’s boarding on cultish, the amount of praise he expects.

    My coworkers and I are terrified if we don’t play along we’ll be fired. (This is my first job in the United States)

    Is this normal?

    1. Black Horse Dancing*

      No, your boss is being a doink. Unfortunately, with so many unemployed, he can do this. Because someone will bow and scrape to him. Look for a new job secretly and keep baring it.

    3. Fikly*

      No, it’s not normal. In return for giving you a job, your employer gets your work. Gratitude is not part of the equation.

      However, that does not prevent your job from being at risk if you don’t play along. Your employer has the power, unfortunately.

  68. Direct mail postcards?*

    The non-profit I’m on the Board of needs to send a physical mailing to all of our members (about 200 people) for reasons related to our bylaws. We usually are a very DIY/everyone pitch in group, but due to COVID we’d really prefer to just hire this done remotely.

    Does anyone have experience with the various printing/mailing services that will bulk mail postcards to a list of addresses you supply? Ideally we’d also like to use them for a printed packet as well. We’re looking for something where we can upload the thing we want sent out and a spreadsheet of names/addresses and then have the service deal with both printing and mailing without any of us having to go anywhere in person.

    1. SophieChotek*

      I am sure there are local companies that might do this also…

      I’ve not ordered the direct-to-mail but I have worked with NextDayFlyers and PrintingCenterUSA
      I got samples from both companies
      My recollection was for what my company wanted PrintingCenterUSA was slightly cheaper, but both sent nice sample packs for me to look at
      I would think it would be easy to see from website if they do the mailing for you (for an extra charge), or call/chat to find out

    2. Jedi Squirrel*

      In my area, a handful of local printers will also do mailing. And local businesses would probably appreciate your business, if they are still open.

      This might also be a good time to think about rewriting by-laws to plan for future pandemics. This will probably not be our last one, and right now, I am now excited about getting physical mail.

      1. Direct mail postcards?*

        Our bylaws allow for people to opt for email rather than mail communication. It is hoped that many more people will start taking us up on that since the default is postal mail unless otherwise stated by the member, but a lot of people will probably still want the printed packets/notices for various reasons.

  69. Lemonader*

    So I have a somewhat delicate question – I’m often privy to information (in confidence) that others on my team do not have. As a result, when unpopular decisions are made, I tend to know more about the context/reason for the decision due to the nature of my role. I’m struggling with how to sympathize with my coworkers without revealing too much, and also find myself wanting to defend against some of the accusations I hear, which I know not to be accurate, but can’t say why. Does anyone have experience in managing this type of situation? For what it’s worth, the decisions in question are mostly related to our team priorities and timelines (not firings, legal issues, etc.) and some of the frustration is totally legitimate, but I see more of the big picture, and thus gave the context that others may not. Any thoughts?

    1. fposte*

      Do you see this big picture because of your role or because of social/familial reasons? If it’s the first, I think you can be the broken record of “It’s always more complicated than you think,” but if it’s the second, I think you just have to keep mum. Even if it’s the first, I’d say it and let it go; if the employer wanted the decision to be managed with more information, they’d have done that, and people guessing at what’s going on is pretty SOP and doesn’t really need to be challenged.

    2. Laney delaney*

      Say nothing.
      It is not your job to make the decisions, explain the decisions or correct misconceptions that occur by those affected by the decisions.
      Do not insert yourself between the hammer and the nail.

    3. Epsilon Delta*

      I wonder if the information needs to be kept as confidential as it is? I’m not suggesting you start telling people details they aren’t allow to know! But it might be worth a conversation with your boss. If it’s information about the team’s priorities and projects, I could see a case that it would be helpful for the team to have all or at least some of the details, depending on what they are.

      If it does have to be totally confidential, I don’t think there are any good options. Some people will be satisfied with “there was more to the decision than I can tell you,” but I think most people will feel worse or just start speculating if they hear that.

  70. Useless grad*

    Im so depressed. I dropped the ball on my phone interview, the only one I had been offered since applying to 50+ jobs. I can’t stop thinking about everything I did wrong and how poorly I acted. I recognized how lucky I was to have the chance of the interview, and just let my anxiety ruin what would have been a job I really would have liked. I’m so angry at myself.

    1. Colette*

      I always, always, blow the first interview I get when I’m job hunting. This one was practice for you – so that you’ll prepare differently and do better next time.

      What can you change next time?

      Have you checked out Alison’s free guide in how to prepared? Have you done a practice interview with a friend? If not, those are some things within your control to improve.

      Good luck!

      1. Useless grad*

        Thanks!

        I usually do good interviews. Before this one, I looked up common interview questions and wrote out my responses. I read news articles about the company. I messed up because I feel I didn’t enough questions, and I didn’t email the interviewer.

        But in the end, I just blame my own anxiety. I realized it might be my only chance at a job offer in this environment, and I was so nervous the whole time and my heart was beating like crazy and it was really hard to be positive.

        I know doing better next time will involve practicing more mindfulness before and during the interview, in addition to the text-book tips on professionalism and interviewing.

        The worry is just – when will there even be a next time? I’ve applied to 50 jobs already and have not heard back, or been rejected. This is why I feel so terrible. Staying home all day and I am just waiting, waiting, waiting, and refreshing job sites.

        1. Colette*

          I highly recommend setting aside an hour or two a day to apply for jobs, contact networking contacts, etc. – and then doing other stuff the rest of the time. (Read a book. Write a blog. Try to set a new high for the number of pushups you can do. Do a hobby. Clean your kitchen. Volunteer.) Job hunting is hard, but if it’s your own focus, it gets harder and you get more anxious. Or at least I do.

    2. tangerineRose*

      There are a number of people who comment on this blog who thought they did terribly in an interview and still got the job. Just focus on what you can do better next time and be nice to yourself.

    3. Fikly*

      You weren’t lucky to get that interview. You earned that interview.

      You didn’t let your anxiety ruin the interview. You did everything you could to manage your anxiety, and during that interview, your anxiety won. What can you learn for next time?

      Being angry at yourself won’t help your next interview.

    4. RadManCF*

      I interviewed with MN DOC on March 10th. A lot of my answers to the questions involved mistakes I’ve made, one of which was a multi-million dollar mistake. I start at MCF-Stillwater on April 29th.

  71. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

    My company sent an email announcing they now have an EAP hotline… only for internal employees. Contractors or external employees, which are about 90% of my department, will have to reach to their respective healthcare provider.
    They we’re doing a fantastic job during the crisis, I hope this is their only oopsie.

    1. Picard*

      You say youre not in the US so not sure how much this applies to you but in the US, employee benefits CANNOT be extended to contractors or independent consultants without risking their non-employee status (that could cost the company $$$$)

    2. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

      It’s… a grey area of sorts. The only contact I have with the agency that hired me is payroll related, everything else is dealt by my manager. It hurts me since they were working to keep the line between internal and external employees at a minimum, and they could’ve managed this better if they sent the announcement to the internals only.

  72. socentury*

    A mostly non COVID-post!

    I’m running our virtual happy hour this week. I’m planning to run a Pictionary game with an online whiteboard for my colleagues to draw on. My plan is to individually chat the drawing colleague with their prompt.

    Just thought I’d poll the commentariat for any good (and work appropriate!) Pictionary prompts. (I was thinking of doing a social-distancing theme, but that may be too on the nose.)

    1. TCO*

      Another option would be the game Drawful, which is free (look up Jackbox’s videos about how to play virtually). I haven’t really seen risque prompts in the game but I think there is a “family-friendly” option you could select to be extra safe.

      1. socentury*

        Oh, I LOVE Drawful. I think it may require a little too much tech-savviness on the part of my colleagues, but I’m for sure going to use it for game nights!

      2. Fulana del Tal*

        There’s definitely risque prompts in Drawful, so make sure the family option is checked. But it’s a great game.

  73. SophieChotek*

    How much would you scrub your social media?

    Based on earlier letters this week (venting on social media), etc. how much would you scrub your social profile(s)?

    I don’t vent on FB, I rarely post on my own page.
    But a lot of my friends are political (mostly liberal leaning) and I’ve liked a lot of their post or made some comments on their posts. Nothing inflammatory (I don’t think), although I probaly have said things like that indicated I agree/had sympathy with their post or the POV of the newspaper article.

    My understanding is, with patience (and a lot time) I could go back and delete almost every comment I’ve made…but I would have to do it one at a time????

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      Is there something prompting you now to want to scrub more than you usually would?

      1. SophieChotek*

        Like many, being laid off permanently.

        As I wrote, I don’t post myself much but I do like/sometimes comment on others posts. And with so much political stuff I have probably liked/commented more on stuff related to COVID than I normally ever would,

        1. Anonymous Educator*

          It never hurts to scrub, but I don’t think a company doing layoffs is going to decide whom to lay off based on scrubbing social media activity.

    2. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

      My rule of thumb is never ever vent under my wallet name. Facebook is fully professional, even though it’s locked down, and I have a browser extension (FB Purity) that gives me bold red text whenever a post is public so I know to be doubly careful about any comments I leave on it.

      Any chance you can get your friends group to move to a pseudonymous platform (tumblr, discord, dreamwidth, etc) so you can vent and be political as much as you like but it not being connected to RL?

      1. SophieChotek*

        I’ll look that extension up

        Not a chance re: getting friends to move
        I do actual venting in FB messenger
        It’s mostly just my concern about liking certain types of posts or occasional commenting on posts
        Or playing some of those silly games (your stage name, your [insert score here]…

        Unfortunately I cannot set up another FB account (as far as I can tell) because I already had to set up a 2nd on for work to manage our social media

        Although maybe I could change my name (so it’s not my real lastname) on the FB I use now?

    3. EnfysNest*

      There’s supposed to be a way for you to view your FB page as it would look to a stranger trying to view it. On my Android phone app, I go to my profile page, click on the three dots under my name / next to “Add to Story”, and then click “View As”, which lets me see how my page looks to someone who’s not friends with me. When I do that, it doesn’t show any of my comments on others’ posts, and most of my personal posts are set to be visible only to friends, so all that an “outsider” can see are my profile picture changes and a couple of posts that I specifically made public. So if you try that out, you can at least see what’s currently visible from your page if a potential employer were to look at your page and then go from there if there’s something you’d rather have hidden.

      1. SophieChotek*

        Thanks! I think I’m more concerned about what I might have posted/liked on other people’s posts then what my own page looks like. I post 10-12 things a year on my own page. But, thanks, I’ll see if I can find that option.

  74. Somebody Save ME!*

    I need advice on a situation that is bonkers! This is my first job in the United States and I’m not sure if this is normal.

    The owner has always been a bit of a stiff and gruff, but manageable. But lately he’s been acting weird.

    We’re all essential workers and our jobs can’t be done remotely.

    Lately he’s been acting like every time he walks into the room we’re supposed to (metaphorically) drop to our knees kissing his feet in gratitude and singing his praises for allowing us to do our jobs. It’s getting uncomfortable and somewhat cultish (?)

    My coworkers (non-americans) say just to play along to keep the owner happy and it’s common for American owners to act this way.

    Is this normal???

    1. fposte*

      Can you be more specific about what he actually says? It’s not very common for employees to express gratitude to their business owners every time they walk in the room, but it’s also possible that non-American folks are misreading expectations.

      1. Somebody Save ME!*

        He says multiple times a day how grateful we should be to have a boss like him and how other owners are laying off workers.

        Also, instructs us on how we should show our gratitude by working long hours (no overtime), no complaining, not calling in and he even made an employee say, “thank you for employing me”.

        It’s bonkers…

        1. how i wish i was in sherbrooke now*

          That’s a jerk custom, not an overall American custom. Sorry that you’re working for a jerk. :(

        2. EnfysNest*

          Nope, definitely not normal. Your boss isn’t doing you a favor by employing you – you have together made a business agreement that the work you are doing is worth the money that you are being paid. You don’t owe any more gratitude to him than you would to the grocery store where you bought your food. Yes, it’s good to have a job, and you want to have a good working relationship and stay generally cordial, but he needs your work done as much as you need to be paid – he’s not giving you a gift.

          Also, if you’re Non-Exempt, your employer is required by law to pay you for overtime, and Alison has some posts in the archives on this site about wording to use to mention that you can’t work unpaid (and there are also posts about how to be sure if you’re supposed to be Non-Exempt or Exempt, because a lot of employers incorrectly label people as Exempt when they’re not in an attempt to get out of paying them properly).

          1. Somebody Save ME!*

            Exempt? Non-exempt? I’m not sure what you mean, but I get paid a hourly rate.

            2. Seeking Second Childhood*

              Hourly and non-exempt are almost always synonymous. I’ve posted a link to Alison’s explanation in case you don’t find it yourself in the meantime. It is currently in moderation (i.e. waiting for Alison).

    2. cmcinnyc*

      Uh, no, I don’t think so. It *is* common for assholes to work this way. The only other country I’ve worked in is France, and they had assholes there, too (as well as wonderful colleagues). I do think the current situation is bringing out both the best and the worst in people. It sounds like this guy is getting a very inflated idea of himself as an employer in a time of really sudden and desperate unemployment for so many people. Ick. It may be very difficult to find other work right now, so I guess you need to roll with the punches, but you shouldn’t expect to encounter that in every workplace in the US of A. We have horrible *policies* that affect everyone, but owners are not uniformly horrible.

    3. Fiona*

      Nope! Not normal. But all kinds of dysfunctional behavior exists in the workplace, unfortunately. You’re doing a job for him, he’s paying you money for that job. The most he should expect is civil behavior and baseline respect, not groveling. You can play along or not, depending on how much you need the job. But definitely remind yourself that it’s not normal.

    4. Lives in a Shoe*

      Absolutely NOT normal. In fact, my boss has taken the time to thank ME for continuing to work through all of this several times over the last few weeks.

  75. Mediamaven*

    I work in a client facing business and one of our clients has decided that doing Zoom calls instead of our normal conference calls is super fun. Each call is rife with technical difficulties and lasts forever and is unproductive. I think Zoom calls are good for screen sharing if you are presenting something, or for an occasional team meeting but it’s all getting excessive. Many people don’t feel like doing make up, or getting dressed or styling their hair when they aren’t even leaving the house but we need to look presentable on those. Also, we aren’t getting haircuts and color, botox or whatever makes you feel good, so I think it’s crappy to keep pushing these. It also means you can’t do other things on the calls like eating lunch, responding to emails when it’s not your turn to talk or whatever. Anyone else SO SICK of video calls?

    1. Emilitron*

      Definitely propose another option, espcially if it’s worked in the past!
      Just be sure that you do understand your phone conferencing system; if it used to just be that the client dialed your conference room where you sat around on speakerphone, then you’ve got to add a layer of technology to get 3+ people on the same phone line.

      “Wow, that bandwidth was rough today! I was thinking that if neither team has documents to show next week, we should just call in by phone like we used to in the office. Jane and Fergus and I won’t be in the same conference room like we were in January, but we can each just dial in to the [phone brandname] number. That still works for you, right?”

    2. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Our bandwidth is definitely pinched, and we’re non-video. Fortune 100, in case client needs persuading.

      1. Kat in VA*

        My company’s parent company is a Fortune 50 company, and we’re also having bandwidth issues.

  76. HannahS*

    I’ve been officially furloughed because my workplace can’t reopen until this is all over (tourism). I’m fortunate that we’re all getting paid through 4/19 and the company is covering 100% of our medical insurance during the furlough, so there’s also the benefit of extra time for some of the kinks in the umemployment system to work themselves out before I have to apply. Assuming the $600 federal umemployment comes through, I’m able to wait out the furlough without too bad of a financial impact. I just feel so stuck, because most of me wants to wait and see what happens when we reopen. It may be naive of me, but I fully expect us to reopen eventually. Honestly, if we don’t reopen once the government loosens gathering restrictions, I would probably choose to move back to my parent’s home state and live with them while I figure out what else to do when my lease expires in August (if my workplace doesn’t reopen, my city’s economy will be gutted). My particular job has transferable soft skills, but the actual day-to-day work doesn’t really exist anywhere else, so I’m not even sure what types of jobs I would start looking for if we don’t come reopen. There’s a huge part of me that doesn’t want to plan anything too drastic until I know what our reopening looks like, but waiting with nothing to do also feels really weird. Is anyone else having difficulty making plans like this?

    1. A New Normal*

      Based on the ending pay date and other details, I strongly suspect we have the same employer and all I can say is that I sympathize and feel just as stuck. At least in my case I’m not at one of our main bases but rather a satellite and it’s my part-time job so my own income is only taking a partial hit but it’s still very disorienting. This was my 10th year with the company and that place and my coworkers have been such a huge part of my life. It’s trite but it really was more than a job and I miss most of it.

      You’ll have a better guess than me as to how likely you are to have a job when things slowly start reopening but, if it’s any encouragement, if we do have the same employer than that’s going to really help your job search. A lot of my former coworkers have gotten jobs and I got a day job several levels over what I was, on paper, qualified for just based on our company’s name so you do have that going for you.

      As to looking for jobs and when to start … I wish I knew. If nothing else, this is a great time to assess your strengths, go over what you loved and didn’t about your job, and take advantage of the continuing ed program if you wish. I’d say by early June it should be more clear what the next steps will be and that’s a good time to reevaluate and see if you still want to stick it out or start sending out resumes. Good luck!

    2. RobotWithHumanHair*

      My situation sounds extremely similar, though my industry includes live events and conferences in addition to tourism. It’s been freaking me out bigtime. Part of me wants to believe that everything will come back the way it was, but the catastrophic part of my brain is already updating my resume and feeling like a failure, not knowing what the hell I’ll do if we DON’T come back.

      I’m 40 and this is the first time in my life I’ve had to go on unemployment. With the exception of a brief gap of about 3 months when I moved states, I’ve been working consistently since I was 16. This job’s been 3 years so far. My previous job was 17 years and the one before that was 5. I really have no idea what to do with myself.

  77. Elenna*

    How long should we wait to follow up for job-offer-related inquiries?

    My sister had a job offer (signed contract and everything) from a large tech company (not naming names but it’s not going to go under) for a job starting in August, after she graduates. She emailed them almost three weeks ago now, to find out if anything would change, and still hasn’t heard anything back.
    Obviously nobody is sure of anything and they certainly have more important things to figure out. But I’m wondering if there’s a time period after which it’s reasonable to send another email saying “hey, just following up, do you have any thoughts on the timeline of this.”
    The situation is somewhat complicated by the fact that she also needs to deal with applying for a visa.

    1. Colette*

      If it weren’t for the visa, I’d say to wait. Does she know when they’d have to start the visa process? If so, I’d follow up a week or two before, asking about the visa specifically. People starting in August aren’t on anyone’s mind right now, but the visa will hopefully help get the ball rolling.

    2. RC Rascal*

      After September 11, major employers retracted offers from a number of B School students. ( I started my MBA right after that, but all the horror stories of retracted offers still echoed in the hall). What generally happened was the original start dates were pushed, and then some of them were cancelled and offers retracted. Some of the students with retracted offers were offered some compensation along with the offer retraction.

      My hunch is they probably don’t yet know if they will need her. August is a long way off and much will change by then. Since it has been three weeks, I would send a follow up check in. If she still doesn’t hear, I would wait a few weeks and reach out again. Try reaching out to both HR and the hiring manager.

  78. Construction Worker's Dad*

    My son works in construction as an essential employee on a critical infrastructure project. The contractor he work for is enforcing social distancing (I which I agree with) by saying anyone caught breaking their new policy will be fired. There are people walking around with cameras taking pictures of workers that might be breaking the 6′ rule and they’ve been told that both will be fired if they break the rule.

    He’s had people on the crew walk up behind him to ask a question while I’m busy working. Only when he turns around and yell at them to get back 6 feet do they remember and back away. I’m worried he will get fired for their actions.

    Is this legal? If it is legal, will he be able to get unemployment?

    1. Auntie Social*

      Does he have a safety vest? My BIL wrote “stay six feet back” on the back of his vest so he isn’t snuck up on. Can he memo the crew to say “Hey, Jeff” and wait til he turns around?

    2. Construction Safety*

      Legal.
      Probably in this situation.
      They’re being asses about it. Have they actually fired anyone?
      We have everyone wearing a grinding shield that they can lower when they get closer than 6’

    3. LQ*

      I’d be stunned if he wasn’t able to collect unemployment for this. (Don’t get me wrong, there is some one somewhere who would deny this for violation of company policy, but it’d be really rare. Discharge usually eligible, not always but most discharges are eligible for benefits.)

  79. Pre-Existing Since 2006*

    Just got the emails about open enrollment for our various types of insurance last week- I’ve been lucky enough to have built up a 12-month emergency fund for normal expenses, so I previously got long-term disability insurance but not short-term. These are not exactly normal times, though, so I’m reconsidering it.

    The catch is that the insurance won’t cover disabilities “caused by or related to a pre-existing condition”, and defines pre-existing condition as, among other things, receiving medical treatment in the 12 months prior to coverage, but doesn’t define “caused by or related to” at all, and neither of the people I reached on the phone could give me any more information about how they determine it. I’ve had a well-managed chronic autoimmune condition since I was a teenager, and I’m concerned that they could claim pretty much anything short of a car accident was related to it, and it’d take long enough to appeal that I’d never actually see any income.

    Anyone have experience with short-term disability claims? Any readers with chronic illness want to share whether or not you have short-term insurance and your thoughts?

    1. WellRed*

      Chronic illness with STD but have not filed a claim. I have it in case I fall down and break a leg or something.

  80. Flustered*

    Anyone here applying for PA Unemployment or with firsthand knowledge of the PA Unemployment system? I am trying to figure out if risk of exposure to COVID in PA qualifies for you to file for unemployment. I am not resigning from my job, but I am considering a leave of absence due to increased probability of contracting COVID at work. My job is at an essential employer, but my job could be done from home. My employer is not allowing us to telework. I don’t feel safe coming in right now due to the fact that there isn’t enough space in much of the building for social distancing. There also are some other issues with staff/clients not abiding by CDC guidelines. I’d be happy to telecommute, but if my employer continues to deny us that option, I don’t feel comfortable coming in due to significant community spread.

    1. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Look through Alison’s “work and covid19 link at top of the page. I think she had something with links to each US state rules.

  81. Epsilon Delta*

    I’m pretty annoyed by how my state is handling unemployment. They had a rep on the radio 2-3 weeks ago telling us to go ahead and file if you are out of work or on reduced hours, and there is no job search requirement.

    Well, Mr. Delta is working reduced hours now, so he filed this week. He had to make a profile on the state’s job search network in order to receive unemployment benefits, including uploading a resume. He works in construction and has never made a resume before. All this even though he (supposedly) isn’t required to actively job search. And he’s now getting emails from employers looking to hire him, which is a waste of their time because he’s not looking for a new job since he’s still working reduced hours! It’s just a mess.

    Also, found out that the extra $600 a week in unemployment benefits we were promised in the stimulus bill isn’t going to show up anytime soon. Our state is not even giving a timeline. It’s retroactive, so it should come eventually, but that doesn’t help the people who need it now. We are fortunate that we have an emergency fund, that I’m still working, and that we were already able to cover our expenses with my salary, but many, many, many people are not in that situation.

    1. LQ*

      The politicians are full of shit on this. Sorry but whoever is speaking for your unemployment program doesn’t know what they are doing because if they knew what they were doing they’d be working, not talking on the radio. Never believe the politicians who talk about it to get damn votes. Go to the website for the state, it’s not always great, but it’s usually slightly more nuanced.

      Systems were built for a different era, like when it was required to actively job search (and it’s not that you aren’t required, it’s that your job search can look different now, I don’t know what state you are in and it varies based on what the states have done, but some integrity measures are supposed to remain in place, honestly if they wanted no integrity measures (ie pay everyone no matter what) they’d have just sent regular “checks” out via IRS or state revenue departments, which would have been way easier) and so you can either have the people who are doing the work on the system turn off all the stuff that requires them to upload a resume and the like OR you can have them work on the $600, the DUA program the likes of which we’ve never seen and have to in most states build from scratch, and yes, yes, yes, everyone could build one in their basement in half the time, I’ve got 500 messages in my email about that and the extension program. Just fill out the documentation, do the best and kind of shrug about it. There may be language on the website about how to answer within the system. The websites are always easier to update than the systems and usually different people (though not always) which helps.

      Honestly, be angry, but be angry with the politicians, don’t be angry with the people trying to make it work. The politicians are really shitty about all of this. (And don’t call the politicians and tell them to yell at the unemployment folks, it doesn’t make us work better.) The politicians are promising the impossible and then blaming unemployment when they can’t make the impossible happen because of what the politicians have done (not done) for the last decade. It’s a really good job if you can get it. Promise the world of magic, sacrifice nothing, blame others for the failings.

  82. ALL THE TIPS REPORTED*

    I am getting paid by my company based on my last check, where I took a week off and worked 28 hours for the pay period. As a tipped employee who reports 100% of my earnings, I am only being paid base pay for the other 52 hours of the period, which is minimum wage.

    So I am being paid minimum wage for 52 hours, but I would assuredly make more than that in my job. Again, the company is paying everyone their tips from the previous check.

    Can I file for unemployment based on the wages I am not making even though I am getting my base?

    1. CatCat*

      I don’t know, but I’d file for benefits and let the UI office figure it out. Figuring out eligibility is one of their jobs.

    2. LQ*

      If you report tips you’re going to be way better off in this scenario. I can’t tell based on what you wrote if you are working, but I assume not. They are just paying you minimum wage? If they are …paying you to stay home, sort of paying you for hours even though you aren’t working, you might have an issue with hours “worked” but I’m not certain.

      You can file. Essentially this is a reduction in pay and that’s the way that you should make sure you talk about it. You were getting (and it was being reported) that you made x+tips, now you make x which is a significant reduction. I don’t know if you’d be eligible, but you should definitely file.

  83. cmcinnyc*

    It’s spring break of all things at my kiddo’s public school, so no online classes for a week. Normally, we travel during this week. Obviously, we aren’t doing so. My husband and I are fortunate to have stable WFH right now, plus health insurance. My plan was just to bank my PTO. I took no days off in March, none planned in April. Frankly, I don’t have any planned because my June trip had to be cancelled and who the hell knows about August? However, my job is crazy busy right now (not front lines, but backstopping, so responding to front lines, which are beyond crazy). Eventually, I am going to need to take some PTO for my sanity. But if I can’t even go out? And there’s nothing to do? I am in a holding pattern for now, but I’ve lost all my external gauges of when to take a break. It’s Friday, right? So it’s the weekend, right? It’s just becoming one mass of time.

    1. Buttons*

      Although I always work from home, I am feeling the stress of having people in the house all the time, my husband was laid off, etc. I have been taking a few Fridays off, and today I am taking a half day. No where to go, but I just need to not be working and thinking and worrying.

    2. Jedi Squirrel*

      I have been doing walking tours of cities in other countries. I get on google maps, drop into street view and spend 1/2 hour or so walking around Prague or Paris. You gotta schedule these kinds of things. 1:00 Paris. 2:00 Prague.

      And yes, you can visit cities that start with letters other than P.

        1. Jedi Squirrel*

          I’ve also done Rouleau, Saskatchewan, which is where Corner Gas was set and filmed. That one was actually the most fun!

    3. Seeking Second Childhood*

      I got this gem from a commenter on a Carolyn Hax chat last week: “For those who have lost track, today is Blursday the fortyteenth of Maprilay.”
      If you (like me) lose PTO at the end of the year, I’d say take it when you want the break, because I anticipate vacation-scheduling wars when we get back to what will be normal.

  84. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

    Anybody else was told Zoom is banned until further notice due to security concerns? We were told to use Skype for Business, Teams or Google Meet.

    1. Lyudie*

      We don’t use it at work but my university is still using it…I do wish I had heard about the security issues before I installed it on my personal PC :-| The university did send an email that people have been crashing Zoom meetings and suggested ways to lock down meetings etc. to avoid it. All those other options are good, though Skype for Business is going away this year so it’s not a long-term option.

    3. noahwynn*

      Yeah, we’re not allowed to use Zoom right now. We never did internally anyways, it is always Teams and used to by Skype. Some of our vendors used Zoom, but now we just host the meeting for them in Teams instead.

    4. JessicaTate*

      Is Teams as user-friendly as Zoom? We have access, but I’ve never used Teams. Zoom was so easy for people to use, that I’ve used it for years.

      I can’t entirely tell from all the reporting whether there’s a significant security risk to Zoom, beyond the Zoom-bombing stuff (which, I’m just not worked up about, because I can control with security settings)? Like, are people using it to access data outside of Zoom? Intercepting your video without you knowing? Or is the freak out just a reaction to the Zoom-bombing media coverage?

      1. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

        There have been reports from reputable sources about how Zoom gets personal data without user’s consent, easy to guess IDs, potential file leaks, etc, etc.
        Regarding Teams, I like that it lets you check your setup before you join the conversation in a “waiting room” of sorts, so there’s less risk of joining with an open mic or a webcam pointing where it shouldn’t.

      2. Seeking Second Childhood*

        Zoom bombing is bad enough, but there are deeper vulnerabilities, including one that provides root level access to your hard drive. The website ArsTechnica has extensive coverage. Part of the problem seems to be the company’s reaction to discovering the vulnerabilities. Or, rather, NOT reacting.

      3. Epsilon Delta*

        I have been using zoom at work for a couple months now and I think it’s kind of a mess. Skype is easier to use and provides 90% of the same features, and integrates with Outlook. But whatever, this is the new tool so I’m using it. We’ve been assured that the company is not concerned about the reported security issues/they don’t apply to how we use it.

    5. Catwoman*

      I actually prefer Teams to Zoom. A few nice features:
      – You can take meeting notes that are available after the meeting ends
      – You can “blur” your background. This is nice if you don’t want to go to all the trouble of changing your background and is a toggle at the beginning of the meeting. Easy to turn on and off.
      – You can join meetings directly from the calendar.
      – There is a whiteboard feature you can use.

      Of course, Teams is more secure than Zoom too.

  85. New ED*

    How much is too much for a sample task as part of a hiring process? We are hiring for a communications position and have done a phone screen and a Skype interview with a candidate we really like. We had him do a sample task and gave him two hours to complete it. The result is pretty decent in terms of content but the writing is not great. Since this is a position involving lots of writing, that’s a major concern. However, it’s hard to know if this person would have done better if given some time to proofread. Right now, I’m not comfortable offering the position to him on the basis of this sample task. My two options are reject the candidate or send back the task asking them to take some time to edit and revise and then resubmit. Is that an unrealistic ask? Would I be putting too much on a candidate I still might not end up hiring of there isn’t sufficient improvement? Should I offer him this option or should I move on to other candidates? In the job the person would certainly have more than 2 hours to complete this type of task.

    1. Buttons*

      I try to limit the request to what should take one hour. I think most people are still working, they have lives, and asking someone to do unpaid work that takes longer than an hour is unreasonable.
      If that assignment had been given to an employee, would they be expected to turn around a finished and edited copy in 2 hours? Would it take someone who doesn’t know your business/industry longer because they would need to research?

      1. Anonymous Educator*

        If that assignment had been given to an employee, would they be expected to turn around a finished and edited copy in 2 hours?

        This is a key question to ask yourself. That said, if the candidate didn’t have time to proofread, the candidate should also have spoken up and said “I used the two hours to write, and I’d ordinarily give myself X additional minutes to proofread.”

        1. New ED*

          Likely not. I would say our employees take 3-4 hours on similar tasks. We would have cut him a lot of slack if there were substantive issues based on not knowing the material, grammatical issues based on not having enough time, etc. I just wonder about whether word choice/general clarity and interest level of the writing is something that would improve with more time.

    2. Jedi Squirrel*

      What do you expect for the quality of the writing in the job? Will his work be rewritten as part of the process, or will he be responsible for producing finished content?

      Will this candidate actually have time to edit his own work in this role? If that’s the case, and you like this candidate otherwise, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to ask him to spend a modest amount of time to edit his work.

      I say this because I like to write, but it is a process, and I usually like a bit of space between the writing and the editing. And if he has to produce final copy, without much editing by other people, and you are serious about hiring him, you need to know that he can do that.

      But if you have stronger candidates or are not entirely convinced that you would hire him, I wouldn’t waste his time. But it sounds like you would like to hire him.

      1. New ED*

        Yes, I would like to hire him because he interviewed great and his handling of the subject matter was good. He will definitely have lots of time to edit in a real word setting and would receive editing support from staff. However, he needs to be able to get the writing quality up during his editing process as the editing support required based on the draft he turned in would place too high a burden on other staff. I need to know if, given more time, he could edit to a higher quality. The tricky thing is this isn’t missing periods or grammatical errors which I would expect could be caught in an editing process, it’s much more about sentence structure and the clarity of the writing which needs to be higher. My thought is that if I were him, I would like the chance to edit rather than being immediately disqualified.

        1. Jedi Squirrel*

          Here’s my experience with this:

          When I was in college orientation (years ago), we were all subject to a writing test that would determine whether or not we had to take a basic writing class. 30 minutes, here’s your topic, go!

          I failed. So I ended up in basic writing.

          Our professor gave us our first writing assignment and we had the weekend to do it. After he graded them and passed them back, he asked me why I was in that class, since there was nothing wrong with my writing skills. I later ended up majoring in English.

          TL;DR: Some people can’t write effectively on the spot. They need a bit of time to edit. (And yes, diction is often something I edit myself heavily for.)

          Also, considering your response to Seeking Second Childhood below, does your org have a style guide that you could share with him?

        2. Mad Harry Crewe*

          I would give him time to edit and provide him this feedback, so he knows what he’s working towards (and not looking for minor SPAG stuff).

    3. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Could you dig out a draft of one of your actual released docs and ask him to proofread it & suggest improvements?
      That would get to writing skills instead of industry knowledge.

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        I should clarify–an actual *previously released* doc so the interviewee is not producing real work. Preferably something that is not easily spotted on your website.

        1. New ED*

          The problem is that I am less interested in his editing skills and more interested in his writing. This person would be doing first drafts of things and the word choice in the sample we received was gimmicky and not particularly sophisticated. I am wondering if that is something that he could improve with more time as I’m not sure it is something we could train on if we did end up hiring him.

          1. Marthooh*

            Tell him what you want and give him another hour (or whatever) to tighten up the writing. I don’t quite understand your insistence that writing and editing are two entirely separate skills. Some people need to put the pile of unregulated words in their heads onto the page before they can set them in order and get rid of the unnecessary bits.

            But tell him what you want in a “first draft”.

    4. Fikly*

      “In the job the person would certainly have more than 2 hours to complete this type of task.”

      You’re focusing on the wrong problem here. You need to give candidates a task that can be completed in the amount of time you give them (and asking them to commit more than two hours is too much) or you need to give them a task that cannot be completed fully, but explicitly lay out what part should be completed, ie, for this, a first draft, but not polished.

    5. Actual Vampire*

      Did you ask him for writing samples as part of his application package? That seems like a more common (and more useful) way to understand someone’s writing style.

    6. MissDisplaced*

      I work in marketing and communications and I’d say that 2 hours max fair, 1 hour better.
      Have you given this task before? Do most finish it well?

      Having done this in the past, I’ve encountered the normal to the unrealistic. LOL!
      Normal: Read this press release and from it: write a short blog post, a short newsletter entry, plus create some social media posts around it. (1 Hour allotted)
      Unrealistic: Read this extremely complicated medical/scientific research paper about a disease most would not be familiar with, then create a webinar for healthcare professionals including: an introduction/web copy description, outline of topics covered, speaker bios, and several social media platform posts for it. (2 hours allotted). Note: it took me an hour just to read the 20 page plus paper!

      As for the editing: How did you feel about the candidate otherwise? Right background, experience and personality? How about their other portfolio samples? If that all looked promising, yes, you could give it another shot or ask them to review and edit this by X time if they are still interested.

      Of course, if writing a final piece very quickly is a necessary part of the job, I’d probably pass. While people are good at that, it’s a skill that needs to be honed and this candidate does not have it.

    7. LabTechNoMore*

      I fail any and all interview tests like the kind you describe. I do extremely well in the job itself, but the very first time I do the task, it’s understandably going to look like I’m … doing it for the first time. No real advice, other than to say you may be screening based on test-taking skills rather than actual performance.

  86. KAnneE*

    How to ask about how companies have handled the pandemic in an interview process?

    I know AAM said at some point that it’s absolutely fair game…but what does the script look like?

    I’m pretty new to the professional world (graduated Dec 2018, but have about 3yrs of professional level experience), and I’m usually pretty comfortable asking questions in interviews to try and suss out culture fit for myself, but I’m just not sure where to start with this situation.

    1. Jedi Squirrel*

      “How did your organization respond to the Covid-19 crisis?”

      “Did you allow workers to work from home if their job could be done remotely? If so, how did you support them?”

      “How did you support workers who had to come in to work?”

    2. cmcinnyc*

      A pretty standard interview question seems to be “tell me about a time you had a challenge at work and how you handled it.” COVID-19 qualifies, yes? If you have other challenges you’d rather highlight, you can always add, “and the global pandemic, of course. That was a challenge for the whole business!” Then when the “do you have any questions about the company” segment comes up, you can circle back to it, as in, “when you asked me about challenges, that got me thinking about the coronovirus, and I’m wondering how your business handled that.”

  87. Boba Feta*

    Short Version: Does anyone have advice on how to self-advocate for more control over a project as a new hire (who’s been working on the project for years as a contractor) when the PTB are looking to make an emergency hire to replace the previous FT “project lead?” instead?

    Expanded Version: My colleague (MS) and I have been working hard, and well!, on building up a special project in our department, and we had a FT colleague who was the lead on paper but whose lackluster performance was constantly being supported by the two of us behind the scenes. Basically, we built the program from the ground up and did all the hard work but the lead was the one signing off on all the paperwork for years. That colleague is now leaving and so there will be a gap in the lead position that the upper levels want to fill ASAP, but my remaining colleague and I are eager to take on all the major responsibilities of running this project between the two of us. We have complementing subject matter expertise, and have already figured out how to make it all work, but MS’s role is a split one and mine is not classified in the same way as the departing lead. The PTB want to make an emergency FT hire to cover the lead’s responsibilities for the coming year, then put out a full search for a replacement in their same classification.

    MS and I have asked for a meeting with our dept. head to clarify the intentions of the hiring plans coming down from the upper levels and how the two of us are envisioned in the new regime. We want to advocate that we officially be able to take on responsibilities that we’ve already been doing that were outside the scope of our own job descriptions, but which would be more beneficial to the longevity of this project if we do them instead of handing them off to some new person coming in from the outside who has no project context. And we really don’t want to be told we’ll just have to train the new person, because that’s also inefficient and just sounds backwards to us. We’re thinking of asking for our own jobs to get reclassified, but there are mountains of bureaucracy involved in that kind of action, and we can easily see that the PTB want to take the “easy” way of just hiring a new lead.

    How do we have this conversation without sounding like we want to blow up everything, when all we really want to do is make sure it’s actually done right this time around?

    1. Auntie Social*

      Talk about how you two did everything anyway, your way would save one year’s salary, and the emergency hire may be another one just like the last one who’s more in the way than out front leading. If they’re happy with how things have gone so far—that’s you two!!! It won’t cost ANYTHING to try it your way.

      1. Boba Feta*

        Thank you, yes: this is our plan. We want to first ask for context we might be missing about the rationale for the hiring plans, but then also lay out the background so the dept. head is fully aware of how much we’ve already been doing and all our plans for future growth. The wrinkle is that the dept. head has no effectual power over whether or not to hire or even whether or not to reclassify our existing positions, that all is at least one or two levels up, and they’re all busy with the covid crisis that we don’t want to end up inadvertently drawing negative attention to ourselves when the PTB have so much bigger fish they need to focus on frying right now. The trick will be to get the dept. head onto our side of things so they could advocate up the chain for allowing us to take over the program openly and on paper.

        I think it’s a conversation about clarifying our roles and the expectations of workload. We actually want to do more work, we just need to figure out how to ask for the authority and latitude to do so without overstepping within this rigid bureaucracy and also not painting giant bulls’ eyes on our backs in the eyes of the upper levels.

        Blargh, office politics, p’tooey!

  88. Emma*

    Can you please help me with a script to reach out to old colleagues/work acquaintances that you have lost contact with but would like to have in your network/reconnect with?

    1. Just a PM*

      When I want to reconnect with old colleagues/acquaintances, I usually start with something like “I was thinking about (project/work we did together/shared interest) and how (you/we did something). I realized we hadn’t spoken in a while. Just thought I’d say hello! Hope you’re doing well.” Usually I get a response from a short email like that and we connect that way. For people who are mentors or mentor-like, I’ll usually send a short update that includes a brief description of what I’m working on and how something they’ve taught me has helped me.

      Some other advice I’m hearing a lot these days is to show gratitude for what you have. You could put a work spin on it and reach out to these colleagues or acquaintances to thank them for teaching you something or helping you with something when you used to work together and how you’ve used that new knowledge to grow, then use that as the opening salvo to reconnect.

  89. JustAClarifier*

    Would love advice on this one. I’m a subject matter expert in my field at my company – the only one, in fact, as they have not been hiring people with my skillset. There are three different departments run by three different executives that all feel that my work and the team I am building should be under them. I’ve been caught in the middle of a heavy power struggle between the three entities, with each of them coming directly to me, giving me tasking/direction that is directly countering the others’ tasking, and then getting angry when things are not getting done. I’m at a loss on how to handle it. I like where I work and love my job, but I don’t know how to stay out of the line of fire with the power struggle that is happening over me right now.

      1. JustAClarifier*

        He reports up to one of the parties; he empathizes but is powerless in this situation.

    2. Alianora*

      Call a meeting with all three of them (plus your manager, if your manager isn’t one of them?) and lay out the conflicting priorities. Let them figure it out between them.

      1. JustAClarifier*

        That’s a great suggestion – the problem is that they all know it’s happening, but are doing that thing where they pretend to each others’ faces that it isn’t. Plus with the pandemic, we are all on full time telework.

    3. Brownie*

      Ouch, all the sympathy as I’ve been dealing with a similar scenario. This is going to sound pessimistic, but there’s no way to make everyone happy in this situation. The only ways to win are to either not play at all by removing yourself from the fight and making them fight it out themselves directly or by invoking a higher power than they are who then becomes the target of ire from the two losing sides. Focus on doing what you can/what’s best for your new team and try to get a higher power than them involved if possible.

      What I ended up doing was a several month long campaign of taking myself out of the conflict by alternately citing “this is how my manager said to do it, please contact them if you have issues” and “if you have an issue with how this is being implemented of course I will stop doing it right now and will immediately email Other Manager who told me to do it this way saying that you have told me to stop. *does so, watches sparks fly*” This ended up culminating in one memorable face to face meeting with two of the problem managers where they started arguing with each other and then roped a third involved manager into their argument via text message. I left when the meeting time ended and they were still arguing, but somehow they managed to hash out a kind of truce regarding my services where I prioritize based on upcoming deadlines rather than by manager.

      1. JustAClarifier*

        Good Lord. I do like that idea. I might employ this as a means of deflecting the heat that is coming my way.

    4. Auntie Social*

      Who do you *want* to report to, and why? I would sell what you want in that meeting to the boss who can make the decision.

      1. Mockingjay*

        Auntie Social, great question! JustAClarifier, this situation could be an opportunity to shape what you want to do, in line with what you can do.

        You and your boss should draft out a few scenarios on how to fulfill each department’s needs. Analyze the workload. Realistically, can you support 3 departments and still provide quality output? Is the real issue that company needs another hire to meet the workload? Can you or your manager pull some metrics on hours expended and schedule slippage to support the case of a new hire? If you end up still supporting all three, identify the means for tasking so your manager is aware of what you are working on and the effort involved, as well as the priority of each task. Suggest your manager be the arbitrator when it comes to conflicting assignments. And so on.

        Then call a meeting – teleconference or video conference – to discuss the proposed solutions. The idea is not for the three competing departments to decide what to do; you and/or your boss give them options to pick from.

        1. JustAClarifier*

          I like this idea, and it’s sort of how I have been handling this so far; they are getting me some help, but the problem isn’t the workload itself, but that they each want me under their personal direction – they aren’t happy with my current location (except for the executive who is currently above me.) I’m working on a company-wide roll out right now and they each have different input and feel that the roll out should be in their purview versus the others’.

      1. JustAClarifier*

        All three people fighting over my skillset are executives and are on equal levels with one another; the only person above them is the CEO. My boss reports up to one of these executives.

  90. xosteplc*

    Is anyone yet aware of discussions about rethinking the open floor plan concept? Open floor plans replaced cubicle farms with end-to-end tables which allows companies to squeeze more people into a smaller area. The pros were less expense, better collaboration, & making it easier for managers to keep an eye on their people. The cons are extensive & numerous & contradict some of the supposed pros.

    In the post-pandemic era, I wonder if employers will now rethink the pros of being able to pack so many people into a small space. I know there have been hopeful discussions of more employers more readily embracing telecommuting, but for those who won’t or can’t move to an entirely remote workforce, I wonder if thought is yet being giving to what office floor plans might look like in the coming years.

    1. Just a PM*

      WeWork has already announced that they’re redoing their open office plans. I think they’re moving to an “every other desk” approach where before, an area would have 6 desks but now might have 3 to enforce more social distancing. I didn’t read the full article so I don’t know if it’s a temporary redesign or if it will be more permanent.

    2. Colette*

      I work in a fairly open concept environment – 4 foot high walls with sit-stand desks – and I really like it.

      But I’ve been fighting one virus or another since August – until we got sent home a month ago. Now I’m fine. So even without a pandemic, there’s a cost.

    3. OtterB*

      Heh. My organization just finished an office renovation (as in, we haven’t moved into the updated space yet because we’re all WFH for now) and it’s a move from mostly private offices to not quite completely open but not quite cubicles either, more like Colette describes. Our staff was increasing and the floor space wasn’t going to change. We had to do something; the alternative was a bunch of closet-like offices, many of which would be windowless.

      A lot of us wfh a few days a week or are traveling under normal circumstances, so it’s unusual to have lots of us in the office at once anyway. I guess we’ll see.

      1. allathian*

        Sounds like hotdesking might make sense in your case. Normally I despise the concept, but with a lot of occasional WFH and many out of the office on business trips, it could work.

  91. Jennifer*

    It’s Friday. Wow. Anyone else job hunting now? Is it worth it? Should we just wait for unemployment to kick in and ride this thing out? I was surprised by the number of job postings out there but haven’t gotten any responses yet.

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      Just make sure you’re not applying for a job that’s likely to be cut through layoffs soon.

    2. Jedi Squirrel*

      Yes, definitely.

      I really think that this pandemic is going to reshape our economy and our culture. I also think that unlike previous economic disasters, there is a lot of pent up demand and the economy will bounce back fairly quickly.

      If nothing else, it’s something to do.

    3. Teacher Lady*

      I am, although I was already job hunting before COVID-19 really hit my field hard. (I am still employed but seeking a new job.) I’ve gotten a lot of contact for initial interviews since schools in my state closed, but very few second rounds; a lot of places where I’ve followed up have said it’s because they are still figuring out their next steps, since in education that would normally be a demo lesson. I get that, this is all weird, but I also think some schools are holding out hoping we will actually go back in a couple weeks and they’ll be able to complete the hiring process normally, and increasingly that seems unrealistic (based on the growing number of states and municipalities that are closing schools for the rest of the academic year).

      My husband, who is also currently employed but is open to leaving for a new position (he plans to launch a full job search once I have a new job), was supposed to have a first-round interview about a month ago. It got postponed indefinitely, and they just reached out to reschedule. He has gotten far fewer pings from recruiters since non-essential businesses in our state ceased in-person operations, which he thinks suggests that everyone in his field has had to put hiring on the back burner to focus on the transition to 100% remote work.

    4. Ronda*

      dont wait.. there will just be more compition then
      but dont beat yourself up if it isnt moving along.
      that is how it is now

  92. AvonLady Barksdale*

    I am stressed. My boss is stressed. Which is why I’m trying to “extend grace” or whatever, but I am fuming right now. On a phone call this morning, he mansplained how to send an email to someone (I have over 15 years of experience in the thing I needed to email about, I am perfectly comfortable emailing my colleagues), and then as I was trying to provide him with some information, he lashed out at me, told me I was wrong and how this was different and that I should stop interrupting him. When he was finished, I said, as calmly as I could, “I do not disagree with you. I think what you are suggesting is perfectly appropriate. I am trying to provide you with information so you be prepared when they come back to you with this question.” I am so deflated that I am actually proud of myself for saying it exactly as I did. At that point he not only backed down, he thanked me profusely for something else which he had criticized 30 minutes prior (“Can you show me how to do something in this software that you know how to use and I don’t? Oh, I see. No, you’re doing it wrong. No, do it that way. No, that can’t be right.”).

    I got off the phone and immediately took my dog for a walk. During which I lost it and cried. A ton. I was job-searching before the quarantine, I am still job-searching, but I feel so stuck. I work for a sexist micromanager who speaks to me like I’m dirt, never listens to what I say, and does not care one iota about the experienced, thoughtful ways that I can contribute and have contributed to his business. He is like this on most days, but it’s amped up recently, and I am trying SO HARD not to take it personally. I am probably going to find out today about pay cuts and it is taking all of my energy not to do something extremely stupid like saying, “Oh, you can cut my salary entirely because I’m effing quitting.” I promise I will not say that.

    I need tips. Or pick-me-ups. Something to get me through this afternoon, please. Even some commiseration would help.

    2. Brownie*

      All the commiserations. It is so hard to not lash out in return. What I always have to do is a conscious reminder that this too shall end, it’s not permanent, but that in the meantime I am free to feel as frustrated and aggravated as I am so long as I A) Don’t respond with those or by lashing out in return and B) Take time and breathing space for self-care and stress reduction. The latter is usually dog-related because making a furry friend happy and having him love on me always makes me feel better, even if it’s as little as giving him an ear scritch between responding to angry emails. Pet your pup and cry if you need to, what you’re going through is tough and nasty and your feelings are entirely valid.

    3. Jedi Squirrel*

      Your boss sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Don’t take it personally; it’s all him and not you.

      But you have a dog! And they’re the best dog! Please scratch their ears for me.

      Good luck with the job search!

    4. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      You handled this well and there’s no shame for your private crying/breakdown session, please understand that we all have our breaking points and you’ve clearly reached yours.

      My only advice is to take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Remind yourself, this is the ‘for now’ and things do get better. It’s hard. It sucks. Your boss is trash and tacky and I hate them for you but I also know you will come through this in the end, you’ll leave his trashy ass in the past one of these days.

      1. Jedi Squirrel*

        To be honest, I am surprised that I am not seeing more upset people in public. These are really tough times for people. Nothing to be ashamed about at all.

    5. Ronda*

      one friend had an incident at work where they asked for questions and he asked one. they were offended by his question and did not react well. He told him he would never bother him with a thought ever again.

      my last bosses were not mean, but way micro managy about the stuff i did. I mostly just stopped using my big brain to help with their problems and did what they said.

      so maybe stop offering your experience and just do what he says. he doesnt deserve the benefit of your experience.

      It is not the most satisfying why to approach a job, but detachment is not a bad thing.

    6. LD Sr. Mgr*

      So proud of you for how you handled this. You extended more grace then I think I would have for such persistent disrespect. Of course I would have regretted it later. But well done you!

    7. LabTechNoMore*

      No tips, just commiseration. Only, swap sexist with racist and homophobic – pretty much the same idea though. Let’s hope we get new jobs under people who aren’t bigoted monsters soon.

    8. LadyG*

      Wow, kudos to you! I think your response was great in the moment, direct and nonconfrontational. The fact that your boss apologized is huge. Well done; I know I would not have been able to be that professional in the moment. I think you handled the situation wonderfully. And give your precious doggie more ear scratches :)

  93. Lucy P*

    At our company, we have a catch-all email address where all spam goes (items the system automatically marks as spam). My team, which includes myself, the boss’s offspring, and a few others, all share the task of monitoring the account for good emails that have gotten marked as spam. Whenever the team catches a good email, they forward it on to the intended recipient. I then send a copy of the email to boss’s offspring and ask them to add the sender to the “good list” so that the sender does not get labeled as a spammer in future.
    I have had talks with offspring about this and about the importance of monitoring the email account. I have gone back, on occasion, to physically check that offspring has added people to the good list.
    This week I have not been monitoring the box as often since we are furloughed (yes, I’m working while furloughed by that’s a different discussion) but noticed some important emails in the spam box when I did log in. I immediately forwarded them to my boss.
    In a discussion with my boss the next day, they thanked me for forwarding the mails to them because they were wondering why they didn’t come through. They had even asked offspring about a spam email account, but offspring claimed no knowledge of such an account. The boss’s tone was slightly accusatory, as if I hadn’t trained offspring correctly.
    This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. In the past I blamed myself for not paying more attention to what offspring was or was not doing, but this was definitely something we had gone over in depth repeatedly, and is ongoing.

    1. Seeking Second Childhood*

      When you’re allowed back on, consider resending everyone the instructions of how to check the spam folder. And consider using the version you originally sent to boss’s offspring.

      (And I have to say, whoever has yiu working is risking fines for your company. I’m on furlough. We had to certify that we would not even open our company laptop for personal reasons. Doing anything that could give the perception of working while on furlough is completely forbidden because of laws and fines.)

    2. Fikly*

      Now you know offspring is going to lie to look good.

      So when you train offspring in something, or otherwise could need verification, send an email so it’s in writing. Then if boss goes, offspring says you never trained him in x, you can just forward the email.

  94. Aggretsuko*

    So I burst into tears randomly throughout the day, which my office is unaware of because I have no webcam. However, they want to send me one. I have no doubt that they will absolutely penalize me for crying (yes, even now) if they catch me at it. Is there anything I can say to tell them (if/when I actually get a webcam) that I won’t be using it, without saying WHY? I fear there’s no good excuse that doesn’t involve me disclosing the crying, and once there is actually a camera I will have no excuse.

    1. KoiFeeder*

      Bad idea: do you have a pet? Preferably a cat? Train the cat to attack the webcam for treats.

    2. Alianora*

      Are they asking you to have the webcam on permanently, to monitor you? Or is it just for meetings?

      I definitely sympathize with bursting into tears randomly. That’s been happening to me lately too. I think the stress of this whole situation we’re all in is manifesting in some unexpected ways.

      1. Laney delaney*

        Reading glasses that are plain glass. the reflection will prevent them from seeing red eyes.
        Vasline on the lens might give you a Barbara Walters-soft filter affect. Put a bright light behind you, aimed at the camera.

        1. Mad Harry Crewe*

          Yup, put your back to a window!

          Also, probably you have a bunch of people sharing the same internet (I split with my upstairs neighbors, so it’s three working adults and an e-learning kid, all trying to use zoom at once. It’s going great). I think you are really worried about everyone having enough bandwidth, because you’ve noticed a really flaky connection and you don’t want to miss anything on your calls.

    3. Notthemomma*

      No makeup, have a bare bulb shine right into your face during meetings- they’ll assume it’s all just horrid lighting. Or just break the damn thing- pull some wires, mess with the USB so it looks connected but won’t- I’m sure if you google ‘how to disable camera XYZ ‘ you could find something?

    4. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

      I don’t know how obviously you cry, but if it’s relatively subtle there are a lot of things you can do to make a webcam less useful for seeing your face.

      Lighting:
      The more light behind you, the harder it will be to see your face, so get a bright lamp and put it on the floor behind your desk chair. Ideally, it should be aimed in such a way that it points directly at the camera except for the part that you’re blocking with your head. Then reduce the lights that actually light up your face (overhead lights, desk lights, turn down monitor brightness/put things in dark mode) as much as possible.

      Placement:
      Put it as far above eye level as you can get away with, and ideally slightly tilted. This basically will make it harder for people to “make eye contact” with you. Being tilted will also make it feel less comfortable to watch you. If allowed, you can also wear a broad-brimmed hat, which will further block people from seeing your face if the camera is above the level of the brim.

      Resolution:
      If possible, turn down the resolution on the feed. This will also make it harder to see anything. If you have a way to limit the bandwidth of specific applications, throttle anything that uses the camera, which will cause a drop in resolution and/or framerate. Similarly, a light smearing of something like vaseline on the camera lens will also make it harder to see out of (but be sure to do this in a way that’s easy to clean off before sending the camera back). You could also try putting a film (like saran wrap or a ziploc baggie) over the camera, but again would have to see how obvious it was.

      Think about how Aggressively Bad At This you can get away with being. If you’re known for being both tech-saavy and good at photography, it will be hard to pull off not being able to get a camera to work right or knowing how to present yourself while being filmed, but if there’s no reason for you to have either skill set you can sometimes avoid doing something by simply being both bad at it and bad at being helped with it until everyone decides they’re tired of helping you fix stuff.

    5. Mockingjay*

      It’s pollen season in most places. Allergies are the perfect excuse for red, watery eyes and sniffles. If anyone asks, you can’t take antihistamines during the day because they make you sleepy.

      Hugs!

  95. Cait*

    My employer won’t enable virtual backgrounds on Zoom. He likes seeing everyone’s personal spaces at home. I think privacy trumps curiosity. Is this a reasonable thing to push back on?

    1. Jedi Squirrel*

      We don’t do Zoom, but my laptop is on the dining room table facing a white wall. Is that an option for you, at least during meetings?

      That is weirdly creeperish on the part of your boss, though.

      1. More coffee please*

        +1 for the idea of having a wall or other nondescript background behind you. You could even sit in front of a window so that you’re just a silhouette.

        We have virtual backgrounds enabled on Zoom, but they honestly don’t work very well unless you have a green screen (or at the least, a single-colored background) behind you. They flicker around, make you look like a disembodied head, etc. If it were up to me, I’d discourage employees from using them to minimize distraction (but not because I want to see their houses – that part is weird).

    2. Mimosa Jones*

      Maybe it’s disabled because the virtual backgrounds can be distracting and they don’t always work well. Is there a way you can rig-up a screen behind you or move so you have your back to a blank wall?

    3. cmcinnyc*

      Yes, reasonable to push back. My grandboss nags everyone to turn on video but 80% of us do not. Some turn it on when they’re talking only (which is totally reasonable–do we need to see you sitting there looking at your screen for 40 minutes when you only speak for 5?). I use the “I’m not the only person here, and my entire household has not volunteered for this” excuse.

    4. Chili*

      I could see a reasonable argument being made that virtual backgrounds can be distracting, but just wanting to be nosey isn’t a justifiable position (though I personally get it)! I would push back at least a bit and explain people are working from home unexpectedly and don’t necessarily have spaces that lend themselves well to video or might be uncomfortable sharing more details about their personal lives than they have to. I wouldn’t necessarily die on this hill, but I think it is certainly worth pushing back on.

    5. GoryDetails*

      I wouldn’t push back on this (though I admit I like some of the backgrounds – saw a lovely aurora borealis one the other day!). If I didn’t want my increasingly-cluttered house to be on view, I might do as other replies suggested and set up the session near a blank wall, or hang a sheet over the bookshelves as a plain background. [Side note: saw a cute tongue-in-cheek post about workplace video-conference etiquette, regarding whether it was OK to ask people to shift their cameras so you could see what books they had on their shelves!]

    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      If you can’t have a wall or window behind you (I can’t because of glare), find a room divider or hang a curtain. If you have someone else in the house, it’s at their request or because of them. (My son wants the illusion of privacy for his school desk. My husband doesn’t want to be onscreen coming out of the bathroom. My daughter’s pyjamas are not for viewing outside the family. No one wants a view of the cat’s litterbox.)

    7. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

      I wouldn’t push back on the virtual backgrounds specifically, but just be the most boring person possible in terms of your real background. You can probably hang a bedsheet from the ceiling right behind you if nothing else. If he pushes back against that too because he wants to see your space, then start pushing back about privacy concerns.

  96. Gaia*

    I have been a remote worker for almost a year (and off and on for years before that). I have always been very productive at home. I just find I cannot focus right now and none of my usual tricks are working. I’d love some advise if anyone has any!

    1. Been There (except this time?)*

      Give yourself some grace – even though you have worked from home for a while, this is not the norm, and as a result it’s not unexpected that you would have some trouble right now. That’s totally okay! You can’t expect yourself to have the same level of focus and productivity that you did two months ago, because two months ago a global pandemic wasn’t happening!

    2. Annaramadanna*

      Hmmmm. I’ve had this problem too. I am struggling with focus, given current events. Two things have helped.

      First, I’ve been asking myself, what is the very minimum I need to do, and letting the rest go, for now. Being satisfied with a “good enough” result is also something I’m doing, for now. (March and April are the busiest times of the year for me, but even so, there is some stuff I can let go, or do an adequate job on, instead of the A+ quality I’d like to do.)

      Second, taking breaks and making sure they are non-work-related breaks. On Wednesday I was especially scattered, so I did the bare minimum of work I could get away with and then took the rest of the day off, making sure to do non-chore fun stuff at home and getting outdoors for a bit (my backyard tulips are blooming now!). On Thursday I was much more productive and more than made up for the previous day. Hope this helps, I think a lot of people are struggling with staying focused right now. Be gentle with yourself.

  97. Fly, Pelican!*

    Apologies for the wall o’text. I have a [gendered curse] Eating Crackers problem. Pre-March, it would take every ounce of my emotional energy to work with this woman. If I heard her coming through the halls, I’d shut my door. I tense up when I see emails from her and have to be in a good space emotionally to write back. I am one of the only people she likes. And as my role within my office is to help others, I get a lot of emails from her. The way in which she emails tends to monopolize one’s time and brain space. She emails frequently, her communication style is brief and uninformative and always necessitates a lot of follow-up, and she constantly starts new threads instead of replying to the same one. She’s talented, but she’s also combative, narrow-minded, and can only think in a binary.

    Now, we’re all working remotely. The cadence of helpdesk emails I get from our other staff has decreased as they strive to balance working during the crisis with family obligations and maintaining their own mental health. Except for her. Her work is the stabilizing thing in her life. I have my own team to support, young dependents, a partner with mental health issues that can sometimes incapacitate them for hours, and family members that are high-risk. I really, REALLY don’t have the emotional room to keep on keepin’ on. Since writing this note, I have received 3 emails from her. All innocuous. All work related, ending with a sentiment of understanding about my situation and wishes for my well-being. Hence, the [GC]EC issue. She is literally sending me kindness and I’m still triggered! I am at the same level in the org chart as her supervisor, who is aware, but is also a recent hire and is trying to just figure out the culture before she busts out the stick.

    So my question is- how do I snap out of these knee-jerk reactions to benign communication from a hard-to-manage colleague? How do I make sure that I am giving her the same support that I give the rest of staff?

    1. Just a PM*

      Do you have to respond to her right away when she emails you? If you don’t, then could you let her emails sit unopened till you’re ready or you’re in a better headspace? (This was my strategy for coping with a similar colleague at OldJob. Dedicating a certain time to deal with her emails really helped the eating-crackers mood since I could prepare for working with her..)

      I also wonder if you’re getting more aggravated because she’s constantly saying she understands your situation and hopes you’re well. Would you feel better if she didn’t say that in every email? If so, it might be worth figuring out a way to let her or her supervisor know that she needs to stop “hope you’re well!”

    2. cmcinnyc*

      Oh I feel this. I have my own BEC to cope with in this time of trouble, but am very, very fortunate that he seems to be slacking off.

      Last question first: you actually give her *more* support than you give the rest of the staff, because she sends requests that require so much back and forth (my BEC is the same!), extending every interaction. Can you assign a “what are you talking about?” penalty? As in, if you normally answer an email immediately, can you make her wait 10 minutes or 15 or however long you can get away with before answering? You know her well enough to anticipate that her reply will leave out still more details. Can you create a form reply just for her that bullet lists what needs to be included so you can do your job/help her?

      I like to imagine my BEC getting the job of his dreams–on the other coast. I’m not wishing him ill! I’m just wishing him gone. It helps me feel a little happier for him/about him.

    3. Graciosa*

      I think part of the issue may be the lack of control you have over when these things will pop into your inbox – it can feel like you’re sitting there tensed up because you know that at any moment you may suddenly be poked without warning and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. That perceived lack of control can make this much worse than the contents of the message.

      I suggest you take back some control.

      Figure out what is reasonable for responding to her, and schedule calendar regular windows to “Look at BEC’s latest emails and Deal With Her” (not necessarily labeled as such if visible on your calendar!). Set up a calendar rule that automatically moves everything from her to a designated folder unread. If dealing with her is part of your job, you’re going to have to do it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t decide how and when. I’d recommend planning so you can reward yourself immediately after (for example, reply before lunch and leaving for the day, after which you can shut down and walk away). If she likes to IM, see if you can block or ignore her until the designated window. If she demands immediate follow up, first of all you don’t have to (she is not your only priority) and second, you can always set up an auto reply that only goes to BEC.

      This won’t make her a different person, but maybe taking some control back will help you look at this differently.

      Best wishes, and good luck.

    4. blackcat*

      Can you ask her to compile her notes to you into longer emails, rather than sending frequent short ones?

      1. Auntie Social*

        And keep it work related with as much detail needed to make a decision. Sorry, but you’re swamped.

      2. leapingLemur*

        Occasionally people will respond well to a request for specifics if the request itself is specific. For example, “When you send me a question about a llama, I usually need to know which llama, which barn it is in, and who currently takes care of it. Will you include that information on the initial e-mail? That will save us both some time. Thanks!”

  98. Perry the Platypus*

    I’m working in a field that has a very high attrition rate, and I’m looking to switch jobs now (to a different field in the same sector). I have a few questions:
    1. I’ve been working for about 2 years (this is my first job after undergrad), and in my current field, it’s considered a really long time. But I worry about it making me look like a flighty candidate to people who are not aware of this. If you’re transitioning out of a field/firm known for high attrition, how do you convey this part to hiring managers? Do you bring it up at all? Or should you expect people will know about this?
    2. I’m leaving because I’ve been underperforming (this is also very common in my field, and the reason why 80%ish of new hires leave within their first year). How do I specify accomplishments on my resume when I don’t have any to speak of?
    3. The nature of my job is such that it doesn’t provide opportunities for transferable skills in terms of teamwork or collaboration. If I’m asked situation-based questions in my interviews, (for e.g. “tell me about a time you handled conflict with a teammate”) would it be strange if I referred to situations I faced during my internships/college societies, given that they are from at least 2 years ago?
    Thanks in advance, I’d appreciate any thoughts.

    1. Graciosa*

      1. 2 years is not ridiculously short for a first job. It’s actually pretty normal. I would probably ask you why you were interested in changing from X to Y, as I would for any other change in field. I would be looking for a credible, forward-looking answer (enthusiasm for Y) rather than one that expressed a desire to do anything other than X.
      2. There’s a difference between underperforming and having NO accomplishments. Please find something that you achieved in your 2 years there – most people can come up with these with some work and creativity (look for other advice on resume building on AAM). If the answer is really that you sat there and did *nothing* for 2 years, I won’t want to hire you.
      3. This is a perfectly normal way to handle this.

      Good luck.

    2. Gaia*

      Two years isn’t flighty in most fields- especially for fairly entry level roles.

      For scenario questions you can definitely use past experiences and not always your current role. That shouldn’t raise any eyebrows.

      For accomplishments, it will be difficult if you’ve been underperforming. Is there an area of the role you are particularly good at? Can you find any there?

    3. Auntie Social*

      Two years is fine for a first job. For hiring managers, you’d like a position in llama training because that was your field of study, not llama grooming.

    4. Actual Vampire*

      Maybe this is a dumb question but… are you objectively underperforming, or just underperforming compared to unreasonable standards? (The fact that 80% of new hires leave within their first year sounds pretty unreasonable to me!) I wonder someone outside your field would have a more favorable view of your accomplishments?

    5. Perry the Platypus*

      Thank you for your responses! It’s great to know that #1 and #3 are acceptable.
      To clarify question #2, I think the best way to explain the field is that it’s similar to entrepreneurship. In the sense, starting and running a business undoubtedly gives you invaluable skills and experience, but at the end of the day, if the business was not successful, how do you quantify that and put it on a resume? The parts of my role I am good at are not easily measured and are less important than the end result is, and that’s what I’m struggling with.
      However, if it does make a difference, I am planning to move into a role that focuses on the aspects of my job I’m doing well at.

      1. Darren*

        Then it sounds like you want to be talking about those bits you did well. It’s okay if they aren’t the priority at your current work, and in fact make a better reason than I’m underperforming for transitioning role “I’m looking to do more of X and Y which are part of this work, but not the focus” or “I found while working at C, that I really enjoyed doing X and Y so I’m looking for a role that focuses a bit more on that.”

        I’m going to assume you have accomplishments in X and Y you can phrase such as your excellent typing speed if one of them in handling dictation for example. Basically focus on the accomplishment as they relate to the skills you are trying to market. Obviously if you have others you can throw those in as well, but really a place where X and Y are the focus isn’t really going to care whether you did well at A and B.

  99. Retail not Retail*

    How is my job justifying/funding paying us our full 80 hour checks no matter what we work? Most of us are hourly.

    I don’t mind – i took this week off for my mental health – and the next two weeks we’re working half days.

    I was so worried taking this time off would reflect poorly on me but I guess not! I got an employee of the month thing this week ha!

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      For paperwork’s sake, they should just make you exempt, then. But my guess is that internally (not legally) they’re justifying it based on it already being budgeted.

      1. Retail not Retail*

        Of course none of us are near any threshold for exempt salaries so that’s interesting.

        Last Saturday my supervisor and I were joking and I was like… you injure yourself I’m still out at 3, we’re not getting OT this week, have fun.

        But that strikes me as legally dicey. Of course it’s irrelevant because someone finally got through to my boss that we don’t need to be there 8 hours a day. It’s a ten person department and we overlap Tuesday-Thursday.

        1. fposte*

          There’s no need to make you exempt, though; an employer can pay non-exempt employees for additional hours whenever they want. My employer has a whole category of coronavirus paid hours for hours that employees would have been expected to work in person but can’t now because they can’t be done remotely.

          1. Retail not Retail*

            My boss asked me what I was going to work the next 2 weeks – mom is high risk, seasonal allergies kicking my butt.

            I’m just really pleasantly surprised because we have no income.

            1. Retail not Retail*

              Well at least they haven’t informed us about income – we just all know we have no guests!

              And yes, me complaining about allergies is about as stupid as the other day when I grumbled about frigging lawn machines making a racket.

              1. leapingLemur*

                Take it easy on yourself. Most people are stressed right now. Also, you might easily be worrying that your allergies, as well as being annoying to you personally, might make others nervous during the pandemic.

                1. Retail not Retail*

                  I had a coughing fit today which was incredibly unwelcome.

                  No, I work in landscaping and this spring has been brutal. So me whining about allergies is like… duh. And then rolling my eyes at mower noise is… what do i do all week?

                  If my allergies don’t sort themselves out I may take more time off. Congestion, exhaustion, nausea, pain.

  100. Miss Astoria Platenclear*

    I had a phone interview for a clerical position at a small CPA firm. Their website has an “Under Construction” graphic, complete with a hard hat.
    I feel wary.

    2. T. Boone Pickens*

      Is it a new firm? They may just be doing a website redesign. Do they have a social media presence otherwise (like the employees are on LinkedIn?)

    3. Nervous Nellie*

      Indeed & Glassdoor may also have company listings including reviews, interview questions & salary reports from previous hires. But yes, the website sounds unusual.

  101. Kerensa*

    My spouse was working part time as a chef even up until last Thursday. They told him not to take two weeks off and they will let him know further after the two weeks. He went to his doctor two days ago for some related symptoms and thankfully was told they think it’s just allergies, he didn’t need to test for virus, and because he is in the high risk group the doctor wrote him a letter to be off until beginning of June. He dropped this off to his employer yesterday and today they emailed him a leave request form to complete in order for them to pay him for two weeks only. I think he lost his unemployment chances with that move, but just wondering if he should be brushing up on his resume.

    1. Alex*

      I *think* that if your doctor told you you must stay home, you can get unemployment. But double check.

    2. LQ*

      He should absolutely apply for unemployment! Sure brush up the resume, but 100% apply for unemployment after the 2 weeks of pay is out. He won’t get paid while he is being paid by the employer, but once that is over he could (most likely will). Absolutely apply. Check out your state’s website for more information, but absolutely apply!!

  102. Tech Support Monkey*

    This sounds pathetic but I started to write a question and then deleted it because it’s too complicated to explain.

    I work in healthcare IT, so we’re busier than ever. I’m working from home, anxious and yet also unmotivated (due to internal communication issues that predate this pandemic).

    It’s okay that I’m not at my best right now, right? I keep crying because I feel so guilty. I have a job, I have job SECURITY, and I’m safe at home. But these infrastructure / communication issues haven’t just gone away during this crisis. I’m frustrated as I ever was with how much I have to pull teeth to get people to LISTEN to my tech support team (I’m a supervisor).

    I hate feeling this way, but I don’t know how else to feel. I know others are putting so much more on the line and suffering much more than I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m not suffering, right?

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      It’s okay that I’m not at my best right now, right?

      Yes, it’s okay. The situation is absolutely devastating for many, but it’s at least bad for everybody. Just because you’re more fortunate doesn’t mean everything’s peachy keen.

      1. Tech Support Monkey*

        Thank you <3 It's just Tears O'Clock right now I guess, but I'll try to get through it and then shut my laptop down for the weekend.

    2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Solidarity. I’m in non-clinical health care and drowning in communication issues. New policies being implemented, I ask clarifying questions on behalf of my team who will have to abide by them (also supervisor here), and I get replies with higher-ups cc’ed reading me the riot act like I’m just being an argumentative pain in the ass for funsies.

      1. Tech Support Monkey*

        Ohhh my god I know what you mean, or at least something similar. The reason I’m being a pain in the ass is because we (the Support team) actually have to deal with customers. I’m not bringing up these software bugs or complaining about SOP issues / communication breakdown just for funsies, I’m doing it because if I don’t we will have the same broken software and broken processes forever… We’re so often ignored because the developers’ managers are always giving them new orders — it feels like we’re always rolling out new products instead of fixing the ones we have… So because the devs don’t have to interact with customers directly, we really have to shove it in their faces when there’s a problem. Otherwise they don’t listen, no matter how many SOPs we put in place or how many meetings we have T____T

      2. NylaW*

        I could have written this comment as well. I’m not a supervsior, but I’m in IT security for healthcare so I can override a lot of decisions if I flag a security issue. The communication among our team is great, but between teams is severely lacking and acting like it’s my fault for raising an issue with someone putting a wide open RDP connection on the internet these days reflects more on that person than it does me. Yet I still get told I need to be more flexible and understanding… Sorry, I’m not letting an engineer shoot the organization in the foot while we’re in the midst of a pandemic, but WTF?

        1. Tech Support Monkey*

          Ugh, that really sucks. Hopefully they’ll come around to understanding that covering everyone’s butts is way more important than being “flexible and understanding.” I literally just had to take HIPAA training again (it’s required every year) and they really drill into your skull how important it is to have safety measures and precautions so your organization doesn’t get slapped with a big fat lawsuit.

          1. NylaW*

            And there’s such an increase in malicious stuff right now, targeting healthcare, because people are jerks. Let’s not give them a wide open door with a neon flashing sign.

    3. Sherm*

      I totally feel you. I also have job security (I think), and this week was one of the busiest and most stressful ever. Little time for anything else. I look at the mess in my place and think “What? It’s messy even though I’m home all the time!” I feel that I don’t get to enjoy the silver lining of this cloud by reading a lot or revisiting old hobbies. I’m tired of awkward Zoom meetings and just want people to leave me alone, to be honest.

      And I do know that so many people have it far worse. But there’s only one person in the world that has it worse than everyone else, which doesn’t mean that the rest of us need to buck up and not complain :)

      1. Tech Support Monkey*

        Internet hugs. I don’t think my house is that much messier than usual, but my brain feels like it’s in total disarray. I respect but also resent the people who are like “even when working from home, I dress like I’m going to the office because it helps me stay productive!” Nope, it’s pajamas / yoga pants / comfy clothes for me every day unless I have to be on a video meeting.

        “There’s only one person in the world that has it worse than everyone else” = something I tell my friends all the time, but have much more trouble applying to my own life… -__-;;

        1. Mad Harry Crewe*

          Those people are crazy. My webcam is borked (for real) and I don’t even put on a shirt most days.

          And for your original question – everybody is struggling right now. We are, collectively, Having A Bad Time. I can do the snap-response part of my job pretty well, but I’m making more mistakes than usual and anything that involves creativity or problem solving is really overwhelming to start, although once I get into it, I can usually keep going.

    5. A New Normal*

      I think not being at your best right now is the new normal. Even if your job hasn’t changed one bit, even if most evenings look the same, this is still a scary, disorienting, new situation and I think we all have culture shock to some degree as we adjust to everything.

    7. Llama Face!*

      “I know others are putting so much more on the line and suffering much more than I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m not suffering, right?”

      There isn’t a suffering quota so it isn’t like other people’s (possibly experientially worse but not necessarily) suffering can use up all of it. Your suffering and struggles matter and are real and legit even if they aren’t the same struggles other people are having.

      And believe me nobody is at their best right now and that is totally normal in this situation because we aren’t experiencing normal life right now! This is a worldwide chaotic experience and it is okay to not be at 100%.

      Sending you internet hugs if you want ’em!

  103. SaffyTaffy*

    We’ve been working remotely since early March, and in general it’s been fantastic for me. I don’t get migraines anymore, no more sciatic pain, I’m sleeping better and waking up feeling optimistic. I also really love my job- it turns out I’ve just got more Emily Dickinson in me than I thought.
    One of my colleagues is the type of person you’d call “extremely extroverted” if you were being very polite. It’s more likely that she’s got narcissistic or (my guess) histrionic personality disorder. She lives alone, and it’s obvious that being by herself more than usual is really hard for her. Some attention-seeking behavior is normal for her, but it’s ramping up so much that our twice-weekly team meetings are almost impossible. Our supervisor has spoken to her about not interrupting people, not derailing meetings, and muting her mic unless she’s contributing- and I only know that because she’ll say “Hey Boss I know you told me not to X but XXXXXXXXXXXXXX”
    We have a great supervisor and I’m just interested to see what she’s going to do about it.

    1. allathian*

      Ouch, sounds terrible. But at least you have a great supervisor.
      Depending on the platform you’re using for team meetings, it may be possible for you (or your boss) to mute your colleague’s mic for her. Skype for business lets you do that, I don’t know about Zoom or Teams.

  104. Just a PM*

    Do you have to respond to her right away when she emails you? If you don’t, then could you let her emails sit unopened till you’re ready or you’re in a better headspace? (This was my strategy for coping with a similar colleague at OldJob. Dedicating a certain time to deal with her emails really helped the eating-crackers mood since I could prepare for working with her..)

    I also wonder if you’re getting more aggravated because she’s constantly saying she understands your situation and hopes you’re well. Would you feel better if she didn’t say that in every email? If so, it might be worth figuring out a way to let her or her supervisor know that she needs to stop “hope you’re well!”

  105. Disco Janet*

    We finally got our long terms plans for the rest of the school year since our state has announced that it’s over…and I’m baffled. I can’t grade anything my students do during this time, which seems fair as I realize the bigger concerns are health, some of them are now busy babysitting younger siblings since they have essential worker parents, etc. But we have been told it is MANDATORY that we document weekly contact with all of our students. Specifically, two-way contact. How can they require me to make two way contact when I obviously can’t control whether students reciprocate, and not reciprocating doesn’t affect the students’ grades?

    Out of my 150 students, about 100 of them have responded to nothing I’ve sent since schools were closed. I cannot even imagine having to take the time every week to try to track down all 100 of them and document all attempts. Especially while I’m homeschooling my own young children (and one is on the autism spectrum, so constant supervision required.)

    1. just a random teacher*

      Such fun! Our state finally figured out what to do about seniors this week, and apparently will now start trying to figure out what to do about the other grades. (This is particularly fun because the guidance about seniors contradicts the guidance they gave out about school going online last week, so now people have to throw away a ton of work they just put in getting senior classes online.) I know this isn’t exactly the situation anyone planned for, but the slow speed of the decision making is not making it any easier for me to figure out how to do my part of it. Parents assume I have a great deal more idea what is going on than is actually the case, of course.

      Do the check-ins have to be synchronous, or can you have them send you a message or fill in a form that you then reply to? If you can set it up as an assignment in an online classroom that makes it possible to mass-email everyone who hasn’t responded yet, that would probably be the least painful way to document that you tried to contact them repeatedly. (Since it would mean hitting the “message everyone who hasn’t responded yet” button once or twice a day rather than having to contact the non-responders individually.)

        1. just a random teacher*

          That sounds like an unpleasant pile of hassle, then. With luck, further guidance will come out soon when nobody else can make that work either.

    2. Notthemomma*

      Create a spreadsheet with each student as a row, each date as a column. Within each cell, type ‘emailed (name) 4/10/20 @ 10:13 am, they responded on 4/10/20 @ 1:34 pm. Or video classroom – present/absent.

      It sounds like they just want note of the contact, not details.

  106. Steggy Saurus*

    The president of my college sent out an email today updating everyone on the work various departments have done to make the semester happen online. Every department except my own (the library) was mentioned. We have done a lot of work behind the scenes to make online teaching possible. Not a word. Part of me wants to say something to my boss, but what good will it do? He clearly doesn’t care to advocate for us with the president. It’s so frustrating. I’m not one who asks for constant praise, but a shout out every once in a while sure would be nice.

    1. Stegasaurus825*

      My apologies, I used the username Stegasaurus825 not realizing they’re is already a Steggy Saurus on this thread! No plagiarism intended :)

      1. Steggy Saurus*

        No worries! I don’t post regularly and don’t mind that someone else loves the stegasaurus!

    2. SaffyTaffy*

      Some people think that e-services just HAPPEN AUTOMATICALLY. I’d love to see any kind of school get by without a library.

      1. Steggy Saurus*

        On top of that, the IT department got praised for work that we did. I’m just fuming.

    3. YouwantmetodoWHAT?!*

      I think that you should write up what all you/your team have done and email it to the president. Just because YOUR boss won’t advocate for you/r team do sent mean that you can’t.

      1. Steggy Saurus*

        Let’s just say that my department has caused a bit of trouble lately by sticking up for ourselves re: some HR changes that were a) mean-spirited, b) dumb, and c) incredibly short-sighted given the circumstances in which we all find ourselves (major reduction in paid sick days). So I suspect we were ignored this time in part due to pettiness.

    4. Megumin*

      I’m sorry! I know that feeling – I work on the database team in IT for a university, and it seems like we’re always forgotten about…unless, of course, there’s a “database” problem (which 70% of the time it’s not actually the database that is the problem).

    6. WellRed*

      I absolutely called out my team a few weeks ago on slack (my team is me and my boss). She doesn’t always think to do that, but I personally kicked but that week and wanted it recognized.

    7. Long drives*

      Very aggravating! At my previous library, I reported to the director, who was retired-in-place and made it clear he was going to waste time advocating- but didn’t care if I did it instead. People were used to hearing from me. At my current place, I’m lower in the organization and I would be in deep doo-doo if I contacted administrators.

      Are you getting thanks from faculty and students? You may have to settle for that.

  107. Jules the First*

    So this week my entire company has taken a 20% pay cut (hopefully temporary) to avoid layoffs. We’ve done the best we can as management to make this fair – asked senior staff on higher pay to shoulder more of the burden by forgoing the annual bonus pot, put a floor under salaries so our lowest-paid staff continue to make enough to cope, offered everyone a 10% reduction in working hours (all our staff are on salary) so that at least they have more free time. If you were on my team, what non-financial things would you want me to be doing or offering?

    We’re all working remotely and have had very little change in our workload (if anything, it’s heavier), but we’re nothing related to frontline or essential workers, just fortunate. I have already flexed people’s workdays to accommodate kids or allow them to work out or shop at less busy times, we do a daily group call to check in and shoot the breeze together and we’re planning a biweekly happy hour.

    1. Shamy*

      No advice. I just want to say that it sounds like you all are doing an amazing job being supportive. The 10% cut in hours is especially awesome. My department has generously offered to allow us to work our 8 hours anytime within the day between midnight to midnight and to be honest, I would happily take a slight cut in hours as it is overwhelming trying to still get an 8 hour day in.

    2. AvonLady Barksdale*

      I agree that 10% hours cut is a big one. Just the fact that you’re thinking about them makes a difference. We just found out about our cuts and in the same conversation my boss told us all that we can get mortgage forbearance so we should all look into that. I rent.

      The only thing you might want to do is give people random afternoons off or something, if the workload allows. I would love it if my boss said, “You know what, we’ve been really busy today. Take the rest of the afternoon off and shut down your computer.”

    3. WellRed*

      You’re doing great and I agree with others especially about the cut in hours. Someone elsewhere in the thread posted abut receiving a 20%(!) cut in salary but no workload reduction. Companies that do that suck!

      1. Jules the First*

        Awwww…before you get too excited, I’ve not been given a reduction in workload, just in the number of hours people are supposed to be working. 100% of the workload, 90% of the hours, 80% of the pay. Still haven’t decided how much of a cow I’m going to be about it towards my bosses, but I’ve told the team no overtime…

  108. Shamy*

    Can anyone recommend a comfortable, reasonably priced office chair for $100 or less? I found out the state agency I work for won’t reimburse for equipment purchased to telework, but I desperately need a new chair. I have been using a tiny folding one with a pillow on it for the past two weeks. I also have some issues with lower back pain as well, so if anyone has suggestions, please send them my way. Thank you!

    1. noahwynn*

      Staples Essentials Mesh Back Fabric Task Chair is what I bought. Was $65 with tax and delivery, but I had a $15 coupon. It is very comfortable and the mesh back is supportive while still flexing some. I’m not sure it will hold up to years of 8 hours per day work, but it should be fine for a few months of WFH and occasional use after that.

      2. Ocean*

        I also got my chair from staples and it’s been fine. It was less than $100. Not as comfy as the luxurious gaming chair my current office mate has, but it’s fine. If you have back pain having your monitor and mouse at the correct height is really important too. I make sure I get up every hour or to at home to stretch to replicate the trips to coworkers desks in my actual office.

    2. Lyudie*

      I got a HON chair a couple of years ago and like it…on the Office Depot site they have a couple models under $100. Have you thought about lumbar support and/or seat cushions instead? It might help and would be a lot cheaper.

      1. Shamy*

        The chair I am sitting on is so so tiny and narrow that lumbar supports and seat cushions would not work on it. I will definitely check out the office depot site. Thanks for your insights!

    3. world traveler*

      What about chairs without wheels? I need new desk chair, too, but the desk is too close to the stairway opening to make wheels a good idea.

    4. JessicaTate*

      This is a less conventional option, so may not be right for you. But I have a Balance Ball Chairs (from Gaiam, I think), which I know is under $100. It’s not just sitting on a ball; the ball rests on a metal frame, which has with legs (with wheels).

      It has done wonders for my hip pain issues. If I sit in normal office chairs (even nice ones), I get serious hip and lower back pain. For some reason, I’m able to position my body and legs on the ball in much more joint-friendly ways. It really is similar to a normal chair in terms of stability/effort, although there’s no real “chair back” to lean on… but that’s possibly part of what makes it work. It can prompt better posture, but doesn’t have to. I still do “bad” things like crossing my legs and slouching over my screen. Just an option!

      1. Shamy*

        Thank you for this suggestion! I have been contemplating a balance ball. I know part of my back pain is due to core weakness as well, so this is a great idea.

        1. Seeking Second Childhood*

          I used to use a yoga ball for part of my day–very good workout, just sitting still. Don’t let kids play with it, bc if it gets gouged it’s no longer safe to ride.

        2. allathian*

          My son has a gym ball that he bounces about on when he’s in remote school. It gets him moving about a bit at least. He doesn’t have any sensory or neurological issues that would make a ball absolutely necessary, at school he uses a normal chair and does just fine. But this way he gets more exercise than he otherwise would.

    5. Catwoman*

      When I started working from home (last summer) I had an office chair that was fine for a couple hours at a time, but really hurting after using it for full-days all week. I ended up getting an ergonomic cushion from Costco and it has made a world of difference. You might want to try this option before buying a whole new chair. I believe the one I have was marketed for automotive use and it was definitely less than $50.

      1. Shamy*

        Thank you for this suggestion. I definitely need a new chair as the one I have been using is super tiny and was for my sons desk in his room. But nice to know about the cushion!

  109. Psych0Metrics*

    So I was in a Zoom meeting (like many of us) and one of my co-workers was screen sharing. The screen briefly flashed over to their Slack window where I saw they were having a private message with one or more other coworkers and someone said “Psych0metrics looks like they were run over by a train”. It probably is somewhat accurate and doesn’t deeply offend me, but it makes me wonder what else they’re saying about me (there were other messages as well that I didn’t have time to read).

    I asked the presenting co-worker to stay behind for a minute after the meeting and I let them know I could see the Slack channel that was discussing me. They said they would not show me the content of the channel and left the call.

    I asked my manager if we could meet next week (they’re out atm), but I’m not sure how to proceed exactly. I don’t want to be dramatic and blow this out of proportion, but the situation does make me a little uncomfortable with the team. Thanks for any advice!

        1. Black Horse Dancing*

          Ww, that’s a jerk thing. That’s the least your co worker could do. I would do what you’re doing–talk to your manager, explain the situation. Just realize you can’t trust these co workers. Good luck.

        2. AvonLady Barksdale*

          That, I think, is the crux of the problem. I would expect someone, when called out on that, to say, “You just look exhausted and I’m concerned” or some such. But that they couldn’t even do that? I don’t know how to proceed either, though I do lean more towards taking it up with the colleague personally unless you think there’s something else going on.

          1. Psych0Metrics*

            I mean I definitely try to avoid talking negatively about coworkers to other coworkers, but if I did in a private channel and got caught doing so I think I would be mortified rather than…mildly embarrassed? I didn’t mention the comment I specifically saw so maybe that’s part of it.

            1. Black Horse Dancing*

              I would be beyond mortified and probably be falling over myself to apologize.

    2. cmcinnyc*

      I stopped participating in one staff meeting because it was obvious that there was a second-channel discussion going on and it was slowing down the work. I have things to do beside be in a halting stop-start meeting because people need to relive high school. That means that team gets less support. Too bad, so not sad. (I can get away with this because they’re not my primaries, and you may be stuck with these people.)

  110. Stegasaurus825*

    Anyone here filed an OSHA complaint before? Looking to get some input on the risks associated with providing them my name. I hear that your concern has a greater chance of getting addressed if you’re willing to provide your real identity. Supposedly they treat anonymous complaints as if they’re coming from a non-employee, so they’re lower priority. There is a box you can check to explain that you don’t want your identity released to your employer. Even so, I’m still hesitant to provide OSHA with my name. What if OSHA disregards the box stating you want your identity kept confidential? Like an OSHA employee could be overwhelmed, misread the form, and inadvertently reveal my name to my employer. I know it sounds like I’m being a little paranoid but I can’t risk them finding out. I know there are anti-retaliation laws, but regardless any employer could still say “well, ten months ago you made a chocolate teapot that was 0.25 of an inch too short. Well, we saw you had to go back in and add more chocolate to one of your teapots yesterday. Clearly you don’t care about giving our customers enough chocolate. You’re fired!” They could really make up any BS complaint in the world so they don’t get in trouble for violating OSHA anti-retaliation laws. If you filed before, did anyone at your work trace the complaint back to you?

    1. Construction Safety*

      1-800-321- OSHA.
      You can control the narrative.

      We have had some complaints against us (all round to be baseless, sometimes comically) we never heard a name.

  111. Anonymouse*

    My little brother died from suicide three weeks ago tomorrow and with that and quarantine, I am struggling to be productive at work. My company was very kind and gave me a week off to deal with all the arrangements, but now I’m back and I’m just having a lot of trouble staying motivated. I am generally “okay”, but it feels like all my energy is going towards being okay, and then I have very little energy left to do my work. Any advice?

    1. Just a PM*

      Can you just let yourself focus on being okay? We’re in some weird times. A good boss/company would understand their employees not maintaining the same productivity or motivation after a single traumatic event, but you’re dealing with two.

      But if you need to work, try picking one or two priority tasks that need to get done today or this week. It’s probably easier to motivate yourself when it’s just one tangible thing, like a TPS report, versus “I have to work for 8 hours today.” When the task is finished, pick the next thing. Just go one at a time, just like you’re taking it one day at a time.

      I’m very sorry for your loss. Wishing you internet hugs.

    2. Alex*

      I don’t think it would be out of line to ask for another week or to ask for a reduced schedule. I’m very sorry for your loss.

    3. Jules the First*

      I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s okay to be using most of your energy right now to be okay. Any manager who doesn’t get that doesn’t deserve you.

      Figure out which things absolutely have to be done day to day. Then list the parts of your job that make you feel competent and put together. Do these two categories of things and let everything else slide. Pomodoros and a detailed to do list are what keep me motivated in times of stress…as one of my tutors used to say, we can endure almost anything for 20 minutes.

    4. LeahS*

      I am so so sorry about your brother. I lost my mom to cancer when I was in my 20s and what I wish I would have done is be more kind to myself. It is 100% understandable that your energy is going towards being ok and that is just fine. Do the things that you absolutely have to and forgive yourself for what you can’t get done. Your boss and co-workers understand that they can’t possibly understand what you’re going through and will cut you a lot of slack during this time unless they are the worst kind of people (and it sounds like they aren’t). You will probably go through waves when you are more ok, and waves when everything is too much- try to get as much done as you can when you are at your best and forgive yourself for the rest. I’ll be thinking of you.

    5. Been There (except this time?)*

      I am so sorry for your loss.
      Just focus on getting through each moment, and give yourself grace. It’s okay to not be okay right now!

    6. WellRed*

      A week isn’t very generous when dealing something like this. I say this not to criticize your company, but to reinforce that this is a BIG deal and you shouldn’t feel like you need to be “back.”

    7. Lucy*

      I’m so sorry for your loss.

      It is completely normal to feel that way – you are grieving, and it is exhausting. It saps your energy and drains you. Be kind to yourself. You are going through something incredibly stressful on top of an already difficult situation. Don’t try to do too much, and don’t expect too much of yourself. If you have some boring, routine tasks that need doing, those can be a good option for work time. Something that doesn’t require much thought but keeps you occupied. If you have important and urgent work you HAVE to do, prioritise that and get it done to the best of your ability, and then give yourself a break. If you have PTO you can take, take it when you can. A day off here and there to rest can be very helpful. And don’t feel that you have to be okay all the time – sometimes you won’t be okay, and that’s fine. Let yourself be not okay. Find outlets for your feelings – a friend who can listen supportively, a journal, a therapist, a creative hobby, whatever works for you. But above all, be kind to yourself. You are holding it together in incredibly difficult circumstances, and that’s work! Give yourself credit for that.

    8. Hobbette*

      Anonymouse, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. There is no timeframe for grief, you need to work through this one day at a time (sorry for the cliche). If your energy is going towards being okay, then that’s what you need. Above all, don’t hesitate to ask for help – hopefully your boss and colleagues will continue to be kind and do what they can to get you through this. Hugs and prayers.

    9. Alianora*

      I’m so sorry to hear about that. My uncle died the same way two years ago, and I felt unmotivated and drained for a long time. It did help to be open with my boss about what was going on and when I was having a difficult day. I also tried to get really clear on my priorities so that I knew what to focus on each day.

    10. Tech Support Monkey*

      I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend to suicide a few years ago and I would never wish that pain on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

      If you can’t work, honestly, take more time off. Your company should find a way to handle the work / sort out what’s important and de-prioritize non-critical tasks, so that you can take the time you need to grieve.

      As others have said, grief has no timetable; it affects everyone differently. In my opinion the “five stages of grief” are bullsh*t — I felt like I was feeling all of them in an endless cycle every day. Please, please be kind to yourself and give yourself the time and space you need. Reach out to your loved ones who are also going through this loss / others who have experienced loss. They are the only ones who will get it.

    11. AnonoDoc*

      I am so sorry for your loss.

      Even without the quarantine and all no reasonable person would expect you to be normal after just 3 weeks! Please give yourself compassion.

    12. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      This runs in our family and so I can tell you first hand that it takes time, a lot of time to go through a grieving process and even after you’d seem to think the process is “over”, it’s still there.

      And that’s okay. It’s natural. There’s no shame in being sluggish and drained by going through the motions of being “okay”.

      Be kind to yourself. Don’t rush yourself. This isn’t an “excuse”, this is a circumstance that anyone who is reasonably human understands. Losing a close family member takes time to bounce back from. Especially in these kind of ways.

      Be truthful with yourself and your work. If anyone says anything, tell them that this is your new 100% at the moment but you will indeed be back up to full speed at some point. 3 weeks is too short. That first week, you are going through motions and there’s stuff that keeps you preoccupied in a “busy work” kind of way, your heart and your mind aren’t running at full speed to reconcile with your emotions and registering your loss.

    13. Mad Harry Crewe*

      If your company has EAP, or if you can connect with grief counseling in another way, I think that could be very helpful.

      I agree with what everyone else has said – focus on the one thing at a time, don’t beat yourself up for not doing everything, or even most things. If you can, take some more time off, or see if you can work reduced hours. Grief is exhausting and shatters your focus for a long time.

    15. NoLongerYoung*

      My heart goes out to you. I lost my younger brother to the same thing, a few years ago. Lots of advice here, and everyone copes in their own way. But sending a big virtual hug. The best comparison I read was that it’s like post-meteor crash in the middle of the road. Your landscape is permanently changed. you learn to navigate around it – but everything is forever altered. I coped by working but I struggled with sleep. I did find that going out somewhere very isolated and just beating on the pillow with a baseball bat and screaming, helped. As did crying – rivers of tears were healing for me. Be gentle with yourself.

  112. Fisherwoman*

    I work for a small and often dysfunctional non-profit. About six months ago we had a temporary opening come up in one of our departments, and the applicant who ended up securing the job is the best friend of the department head who was to become their manager. My job includes oversight of ethics and donor compliance and I flagged at the time the conflict of interest of the department head interviewing and subsequently hiring their best friend in a subordinate role (there was a panel of interviewers which included the best friend but this was a tokenistic gesture). My concerns were not considered. The feedback on the work of the new addition is largely positive, though their attitude can be challenging at times in the bigger organisational structure and the best friends dynamic has created a more laid back approach to management from the department head concerned which hasn’t been without its own problems.

    There is now the possibility that this job will become permanent in the near future and I would be uncomfortable with this person coming on staff in a permanent capacity because I perceive the best friends dynamic as a conflict of interest and I don’t feel the original hiring decision was a good one. We will most likely advertise publicly (donor will insist) and the person in the job now will interview (with their best friend), and based on their knowledge of the job will most likely get the permanent position. The whole scenario doesn’t sit right with me and hasn’t since it started – but am I overthinking it? And if my concerns are legitimate what should I do about them?

    1. Just a PM*

      I don’t think you’re overthinking. Can you escalate the conflict of interest to HR? Can the department head be approached about the management issues without mentioning the BFF’s influence? Otherwise, document document document. Document everything you see about this dynamic. Document every time you bring it up and what the reaction/response is. Keep bringing it up every time it’s needed and document it. If you’re in a position to do so, I’d also suggest documenting the department head’s management problems (but leave out the BFF relationship). CYA is the name of the game. Protect yourself in case this blows back from an ethical standpoint or other donors get involved.

      1. Fisherwoman*

        There is no HR unfortunately – the joys of working in a small not-for-profit. My original concerns were flagged with the Exec Director but they were happy to wave them on thinking it would be great to hire someone they knew would be a good cultural fit for our organisation (as they’re the best friend of a serving department head). The board would row in behind the ED whatever their decision.

    2. MissBliss*

      Who did you escalate your concerns to– just the department head/best friend? Because this is something you could go to the board with, if you haven’t already.

      1. Auntie Social*

        And show the board member the FB photos of the two drinking together. There are always photos.

    3. WellRed*

      Whether they were best friends or not with the manager, someone in the running for a job shouldn’t be interviewing the other candidates.

  113. Been There (except this time?)*

    How do you deal with a (not great) boss who appears to be slowly losing their mental faculties?
    I’m relatively new in my organization and don’t have any history with my current boss, but my coworkers have noticed that he has been very spacey since I’ve started. I, myself, have noticed that he seems to forget things a LOT (and sometimes mere minutes after having had a conversation with him). He is older and there are some performance issues there that I’m fairly certain management knows about (for instance, we work in communications, yet the basics of email and social media communication escape him), but this seems to be over the top. A lot of the time we end up just hoping he will forget to follow up on what is an OBVIOUSLY terrible idea, because that seems to be the path of least resistance.

    I’m at a loss as to how to deal with this because I’m 1. not his secretary, so i don’t want to be reminding him of things all the time and 2. overloaded with work as it is without having to constantly send him emails I’ve already sent him twice before. Is this something we should approach his boss about? How do we move forward when it’s fairly obvious he has no idea what he’s doing?

    1. WellRed*

      For starters, have you asked him what the best way is for him to communicate? If someone never responds to emails, you don’t keep sending emails if he prefers something else. if this needs to be escalated please make sure you have clear, concrete examples, not “he seems spacey.” This is a tough situation all around.

      1. Been There (except this time?)*

        I have concrete examples, unfortunately.

        It doesn’t seem to matter what way we communicate (Zoom, in person, via phone, email, etc) he just forgets things all the time. He will call me by the wrong name, he’ll come down to my office (pre covid) to talk about something before sending an email and then send an email follow-up detailing the exact opposite of what we talked about just minutes before, he forgets who he had what conversation with (resulting in a lot of duplicate conversations. He doesn’t listen when we tell him he’s told us this before). We will talk as a team about something and one of us will follow up via email and he will turn around and ask what the email is for… It’s all bizarre, really.

        1. WellRed*

          Oh that’s awful. I suspect yeah, you’re right, there’s something going on, cognitively. Is there anyone there he’s friends with? Or a friendly manager higher up or HR you could express some gentle concern about? I have a coworker that, every so often I wonder…but she’s nowhere near this level.

          1. Been There (except this time?)*

            We’ve thought about talking to our office confidant (actual job) about it, but we’re not sure what we have is enough, or that they can do anything about it. And I’m particularly not sure that this is the right time to be bringing it up.
            He hasn’t gotten WORSE since we’ve been WFH, but he’s not better either. For the time being we’re just documenting. I feel bad that I find myself so annoyed with him all the time as a result of this.

            1. Mad Harry Crewe*

              That sounds like plenty to bring up, although you’re probably right that now is not the right time to do it.

            2. Going Anon*

              It’s worth bringing up. I’m torn on whether it’s not the time–it’s definitely not in terms of work disciplining, but he needs to know about it ASAP if it’s possible he’s not aware it’s happening. Considering that colleagues say it’s a change for him, this is at a point where he needs to see a doctor. It sounds beyond the expected cognitive decline for someone aging.

              I sincerely hope he has someone at home to tell him. But even then, I have experience with someone with impaired short-term memory, and it takes a lot of convincing to get someone to believe their mind is betraying them. FWIW, the person I know was able to leave work on disability due to the memory problems.

  114. Lauren*

    I’m in Mass, does my 20% pay cut count for partial unemployment even though my hours weren’t cut? Is there an income limit on partial unemployment?

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      My understanding that without them taking away hours, you are not eligible. I read through the website and can’t find anything regarding salary reductions.

      When we cut hours years ago, 20% wasn’t enough to qualify either.

      When you’re still working, they’ll have a formula involved for what they reduce your eligible amount for every hour/dollar you are working/making.

      You essentially need to be cut to part time and then it’s a really crappy subsidy you would get.

      I’d also warn with partial unemployment, you risk running out of your unemployment funds in the event you draw them long enough. So say you do partial unemployment and tap out on benefits. Then you lose your job completely, you won’t get full support and will have to wait/work to build up the fund pool again.

      1. LQ*

        Normally I’d agree with you except for the $600. Anyone who qualifies for any benefits qualifies for the $600, so honestly, I’d say if you can collect you should because you’ll get the $600 on top of what you are getting, if you get $1, you get $601. (And if you don’t need the extra donate it to someone who does.) The $600 is time-limited so if you hold off on applying say for the next 3 months because you’re worried you’ll run out of benefits after you will lose out on the $600/week for that time.

        (That said I don’t think 20% will qualify, but I’m still on the side of apply, especially because of the $600. No one should wait right now.)

    2. LQ*

      This varies from state to state. 20% is pretty rare to qualify. BUT! If your employer is doing it for everyone and if they are cutting hours, you should tell them to look into the Shared Work program for your state and that may help out your employer and you.

      There is an income limit usually. Again varies. But it’s usually about a balance between your benefits and how much you earn.

  115. Anon for this*

    My company has no official performance review process. My manager also likes to be “hands off”, so she is against 1:1 regular meetings. It’s stressing me out. I have been here for over a year, and the most feedback I’ve gotten is a few occasions, where my manager said “Anon is always quick to take care of things!” or “Anon did a great job on x project”. Also, I’ve gotten recognized occasionally via quarterly team awards for being a positive part of the culture, so at least that’s nice. But I have no objective, formal feedback on my work itself.

    There is no goal setting, there are constantly changing priorities (particularly now due to COVID), and my manager has been on extended maternity leave twice in this 1.5 years, so I’ve gone 6+ months with no direct manager.

    How do you guys deal with ambiguity like this? Advice for how to approach leadership about putting goals and reviews in place?

    1. Chili*

      I’m dealing with something similar where there is praise and regular reassurance that I’m “on track” but there’s not any clarity as to what that track is and where exactly on the track I fall and what ways I could maybe help improve the track. Recently, I was pretty blunt with my manager and said that I have found the ambiguity stressful rather than freeing and would really need constructive criticism to feel like I’m doing well and feel comfortable in this job. I think expressing constructive criticism as a need rather than a want really helped my manager understand how badly I need this and that I don’t just need reassurance that “I’m doing great,” I need to know specifics. We’ll see how it goes!

    2. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Alison’s had several columns on just this topic. It doesn’t seem to be an indexed topic though so do a search for “askamanager + i need feedback” . Remember that when you get to the podcast, it has a transcript.

  116. a good mouse*

    Most of my company is being furloughed, and I’m one of the few that’s not. Definitely feeling some survivor’s guilt, whiplash from expecting to be furloughed to now expecting a way heavier workload, and just generally feeling awkward in meetings as everyone discusses what to do next.

    Anybody else in a similar situation?

    1. Rebecca*

      Out of my group of 12, 5 are now furloughed, and secretly I wish I could be for a few weeks, too. I’m just tired and stressed. The only good thing about any of this is that I can work from home, there are zero issues with doing so, and I can concentrate and get work done without making a 36+ mile round trip per work day. I actually prefer working from home to being in the office. But – I want some time off. Today is the first full work day I’ve taken off since January 1, and of course, it’s cold and windy and I can’t go do anything, but I’m cleaning and organizing, and that feels good.

      I also feel a bit guilty. I hope when we go back to work I can take a week or so off while other people cover work and do things – I hope.

      1. a good mouse*

        Yeah – someone in a meeting today pointed out that even though we’re focused on the furlough, which will be difficult, that its also going to be difficult for those staying. We’re more like 1 staying to 20-25 furloughed. Obviously some stuff is going on hold, but those of us staying are going to be majorly stretched. But I feel bad for worrying since I’ll still have my paycheck coming in.

        1. Mad Harry Crewe*

          This isn’t the suffering olympics. It sounds like that’s going to suck a bunch. You have every right to worry, and focus on your own self-care.

  117. Princesa Zelda*

    Job2 reached out yesterday to let me know the project was being suspended for a year, and that they hoped to have me back then. I knew it was probably coming, and I’ve been job searching, but it still sucks. I really liked what I was doing, and it was good money.

    On my resume, do I list my end date as the last day I actually worked, or the day they let me know I wasn’t coming back? And my actual title was Contractor but I was a temp; how should that be reflected?
    It currently looks like:
    Company (vía Agency 1 1/20-2/20, Agency 2 2/20-4/20)
    Contractor at JobSite

    1. LeahS*

      I think that I would put the end date as when you found out you weren’t coming back but someone else might want to weigh in here. I know that when I was substitute teaching I just listed my end date as when I formally requested to be off payroll at the schools where I subbed.

    2. Kiwiii*

      I think what you have makes sense. The month they let you know you weren’t coming back works as an end date if they haven’t given you a different one. Contractor and temp positions overlap a lot of the time and putting what they referred to you as makes the most sense anyway.

    3. PollyQ*

      Ask them what they’ll be saying your official end date is, so it matches any future reference check.

  118. Aphrodite*

    I would make sure she has applied for unemployment, and also encourage her to spend at least a few hours a week volunteering for a place/cause she deeply cares about: fostering or working with animals, picking up supplies for seniors, etc. Maybe if you can, give her cash for gasoline. Help her apply for other jobs–maybe gifting her Alison’s book or books–sending her here to AAM, taking a walk with her or letting her use you as a safe place to cry and vent. In other words, helping her keep some normalcy (pre-virus normalcy) in her life.

  119. 1qtkat*

    I have been waiting for this thread to pop up today! I have been a longtime lurker, reading all these fascinating workplace/job-related situations. It’s just mind-boggling what people experience. Anyways I know covid-19 and the ramifications of it on jobs is on everyone’s mind right now, but I thought I would share some personal good news.

    I got a job offer this week! Before all this, I had been actively searching for a position in my desired field (environmental law) for about 2 years since I moved to my present city to join my husband after finishing a judicial clerkship. I had kind of been losing hope and was falling into despair that I would never obtain a job in my desired field. I am sure most can attest that law is not really an attractive field and it’s hard to get a law job in a new area when you have no local connections to the area (primarily graduated from any of the local law schools). You just have to have some clout and environmental law in my city is not common and a very small group even for being the state capital.

    I don’t mean this personal good news put down anyone who has lost their job currently, but I meant it more as a sign of hope that it is possible to rise again – it takes a lot of patience and persistence (I know always said and hard to follow but it’s possible as I now can attest. I used to get annoyed at those who told me that advice and snap back at them angrily in frustration). When I got the offer, I felt more relief than elation tbh (my mother expressed more excitement at the news than me!) I thought this offer was not coming since the pandemic disrupted the intended timeline (I had the interview in mid February), and I hadn’t heard from them until a month after the interview that I was a finalist and I had received a standard rejection letter from the application system 2 weeks after my interview.

    So to those who are out of work here’s my advice – mourn the loss, but at some point start looking. I know what motivated me to keep looking and applying was because I really wanted to leave my contract position for something better. That something better may not come sooner than you want, but persevere and persist because I am sure you will find it.

    3. The Rain In Spain*

      Congrats! Agreed- it is so difficult to find a law job in a region where you don’t have contacts. File that under things I wish I knew before I picked which law school to attend!

  120. NylaW*

    My 8+ year old home office chair is not long for this world. I’m working from home daily right now and will probably be at least 2 days working from home in the long term future (next 5 years). Looking for recommendations and wondering if the hype around X Chairs is worth it?

    1. spock*

      I don’t know about the X Chair but I see some of the models are near or over $1k – if you’re open to that price range, my office has Herman Miller Mirra chairs and they’re amazing. Until we started WFH I didn’t quite appreciate how amazing they are. I’m constantly battling back pain now but it was never a problem while spending most of my 40 hours at work sitting in it. Scary expensive but gets the job done.

  121. J.B.*

    Got screened out of another job. Blech. I have real data experience and thought that my degree would help, am still wandering in the weird in between. The good news is that I’m getting some resume review by people who know what they are doing. Please wish me luck!

  122. Kiwi*

    TL;DR: How do I cover my backside when a senior colleague who assigns me work is non-responsive to questions and follow-up?

    I perform assignments for several people, and “Bob” is a notoriously bad communicator even at the best of times. He has forgotten he has given me assignments before, then taken actions that have rendered them moot (like canceling the whole project) and not telling me until days later, or he’ll hand me part of a project that I have never heard of and I have to chase him down for context so I can start. On a couple of occasions he has forwarded me emails and said “Why haven’t you done anything on this yet?” and he never assigned me anything.

    With our whole office working remotely, communication from Bob is essentially nonexistent. I know he’s working, since he’s called me about certain projects and has responded to a few emails from other people, but he’s not answering my emails.

    So far I’ve followed up with him on a couple of assignments in writing, and on one flat-out stated that I don’t understand the assignment, and can we please have a call about it. Last week I sent him an email that listed everything I was working on and all of my comments/questions, along with my proposed timeline for finishing each item. No reply.

    While these assignments don’t have hard deadlines, I’m concerned Bob will eventually try and blame me for the delay. This happened once with an assignment where I had no written record, so I couldn’t defend myself or show that Bob and I had talked about it. I have the same concern here, though I obviously have emails to back myself up this time. Still, I wouldn’t put it past Bob to say that I wasn’t tenacious enough. I am debating mentioning this to my supervisor, but I’m also worried she’ll just say “You need to talk to Bob about it” or think that I’m not managing my own assignments properly (Bob is her peer and she knows he tasks me). I would love to know everyone’s thoughts on the issue, or suggested things I could say to my manager.

    1. Black Horse Dancing*

      How about every email to Bob gets cc’d to your boss? Yes, it’s a pain but you will have back up and at least your boss will know. And how about a weekly project check in with Bob, listing your current projects? “Hi, Bob, here are your current projects that I am working on. This is all I have. Please let me know of any other ones pending.”

      1. Kiwi*

        Copying his boss would be catastrophic for my career-Bob’s boss is a C-level executive, and to date I have sent him exactly one email confirming acceptance of a department-wide meeting. I’m pretty sure Big Boss would fire me himself if I started doing that. I may make the chart that I already sent a recurring item.

        1. The Rain In Spain*

          Can you set up a recurring meeting with him in addition to the weekly chart? And then during your first one you can ask him how he’d like you to manage the projects/lay out what you plan to do and see what he has to say. Alternatively, you can raise the issue to your boss, let her know your plan, and ask her for her guidance/input.

          1. Kiwi*

            No, he wouldn’t attend. He accepts occasional meetings but typically isn’t present, and when we had a recurring weekly meeting set up back at the office (pre-COVID) he didn’t attend that either.

        2. Millicent*

          I think Black Horse Dancing was suggesting copying *your* boss, not Bob’s boss. I would suggest talking to your supervisor first about your general issues with Bob’s lack of communication. Explain the issues you’re having to your boss, what you’re tried so far to fix them (bring concrete examples in case she asks for any), and ask what suggestions she has. Copying your supervisor is not a bad idea if she’s open to it because as your supervisor, it’s normal for her to be kept up to date on your workload or lack thereof.

          1. Kiwi*

            That’s right, I read BHD’s comment incorrectly. If I started copying my supervisor out of the blue it would likely be seen as my being hostile or defensive in some way, since that’s not our normal practice at all, so I may have no choice but to just talk to her about it and try and get in front of it before it becomes an actual issue. Then at least Bob won’t be able to gripe at me for being non responsive or for not “making me do things,” which he has done in the past.

            1. PollyQ*

              Yeah, I think you have to talk to your boss, not in a ‘tattling’ sense, but in a “I’m having trouble getting information from Bob in a timely manner, how do recommend I deal with this?” way.

    2. Catwoman*

      Create and keep the receipts, i.e. emails. This obviously doesn’t help with the issue of him not emailing you to initiate assignments/projects, but you can create a written record where you state that you have no record of the ask.

      The more practical advice I have is to try to seek out a communication method he will respond to. I have a co-worker who is notorious for not responding to emails, but will always respond to Skype/IM messages. If he doesn’t answer an email, then IM, call, text, carrier pigeon to see if you get a better response rate elsewhere. If he still doesn’t respond, document it in an email asking for follow-up (This is where I would BCC your boss if you feel like it’s necessary.).

      If he doesn’t respond and you need his response to do the work, then it’s out of your hands. Tell everyone you are awaiting Bob’s feedback/input/etc… If that is a problem, then maybe the problem needs to happen to get this resolved once and for all.

  123. designbot*

    So my company just laid off 8% of our workforce yesterday, and was told today we’ll most likely go to a four-day workweek in May to keep the remainder of our staff. But I still have a ton of projects under my management. Projects with deadlines, and budgets, and very specific needs, that my staff could barely do in the originally allotted time, and now I’m supposed to do with 80%? I’m being pressured to use other staff who don’t have the skills I need. It’s stressing me out a lot. Is anyone else in a similar situation? How are you coping?

    1. juliebulie*

      I’m on the other side of that situation. The finance people encouraged us to take a voluntary 20% cut in hours/wages, temporarily, on top of which we are being REQUIRED to use PTO as it’s accrued. So with PTO I’m already on a 32-hour workweek and can’t afford to take the voluntary cut because I cannot do 40+ hours of work in 24 hours. None of the projects are being cut down or delayed. Plus our contractors have been cut and I’m picking up some of their work too.

      So yes I’m very lucky not to be cut or furloughed, etc. but I can’t deal with more work in fewer hours. What are they thinking??

    2. Jules the First*

      This is me next week…trying to run a team with 110% workload in 90% of their workweek, knowing they’re getting paid 80% of their salaries. I’ve told the team not to work overtime and bounced it back to the board to say they need to adjust their expectations. I’ll let you know next week how we get on…

  124. NYCRedhead*

    A question for folks who are hiring manager for non-profits: Do you check if job applicants are donors or if they follow your organization on social media? If they do not, or if they only srarted to follow you at the same time as the application, is that a slight against them?

    1. Jedi Squirrel*

      Not necessarily. They may not have been aware of your social media accounts until they started researching your org. You can always ask about it during the interview.

    2. Mad Harry Crewe*

      That selection criteria doesn’t have anything to do with whether they’ll do a good job in your open position. I think arbitrarily limiting your pool of applicants is not wise, and it makes me wonder if your organization expects people’s Commitment to the Cause to overcome other things, like poor wages or dysfunction.

      Additionally, not everyone has the funds to donate, or they may be donating to an equally valuable cause elsewhere. Plenty of people don’t want to follow any kind of business on social media, even a non-profit. If you’re trying to screen for “is this cause something that matters to you” – do it with an interview question, not with a secret test.

      1. Annony*

        I agree with this, especially about the donations. You do not want to set up a screen that will automatically screen out people with little disposable income. Maybe use past involvement in the organization as a tie breaker, but don’t use it as part of the criteria for who gets an interview.

    3. PollyQ*

      Unless your organization is really, really a big-time, well-known one, I think that’s a foolish thing to check. They may never have heard of you before, and as to donating, lots of people don’t have spare money, or may be targeting their donations to a more personal cause.

  125. Not Remotely Prepared*

    Several months ago I asked for advice on making the most out of an internship. Well, the internship didn’t get cancelled, thank god, but it’s now entirely virtual. Some of the advice I’ve been given was to network, be as involved as possible, really explore the business and how my team works within it, but obviously all of that is a lot more difficult when I’m going to be a remote intern on a team that’s got a lot on their hands right now. Any tips? Ideas?

    1. Catwoman*

      The how of this is going to depend on the type of work you are being assigned, but I would ask your manager to help with the networking piece.

      For example, if you’re doing social media posts, instead of writing about X department’s work from what you can get from the company website, ask if you can arrange a Skype/Zoom/Teams meeting with someone from X department and make the post based on what you learn from them. If you are given a project that a team member is an expert on, email them a couple of questions and introduce yourself.

      The caveat for this is to make sure you’re not over-burdening with your networking requests. It’s a weird time so you should also run networking ideas past your manager so that you’re not coming across as tone-deaf if people are really swamped.

      1. Not Remotely Prepared*

        Thank you! I am worried about over-burdening, but I’m also worried about not taking enough initiative. Striking a balance is going to be difficult.

  126. MsChanandlerBong*

    What can I do (if anything) about a person who apologizes too much? My boss wants me to have a talk with someone we hired in October. She’s wonderful! We think highly of her and tell her so all the time. But she apologizes for EVERYTHING, and she does it excessively. If you (nicely, and professionally) correct something she did, you’ll get “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry.” You would think we screamed at her and called her an idiot. I have told her before there’s no need to apologize, but she says she’s Southern and that’s just the way she is. So do we just let it go? My boss thinks that she thinks we hate her and treat her like garbage due to the way she’s always apologizing.

    1. Jedi Squirrel*

      Okay, my first thought was that she was Canadian.

      Yeah, I would just let it go. It’s how she is. If she’s only been here for a while, it may taper off; if she’s been here for a long time, it probably won’t.

      My boss thinks that she thinks

      I love psychic bosses.

      Honestly, does she seem pretty happy there? Is she otherwise cheerful? Does she seem to enjoy working there? Has she ever given you any indication (other than the constant apologizing) that she’s not happy there.

      People are allowed to have personality quirks. As long as it doesn’t interfere with her getting her job done, I would leave it be.

    2. fposte*

      Is your boss her boss? Why isn’t your boss talking to her directly if so?

      If I were her manager, I might have a problem with this and I would counsel her on the weakness in communication that’s making it harder to give her feedback, because that’s what it is, even though it probably just feels like an exaggerated courtesy to her. But it sounds like you’re not her manager, so you don’t have much standing there, and it sounds like your boss basically wants to hug her out of the habit, which I don’t think is going to work.

      1. MsChanandlerBong*

        We have a flat organizational structure, so my boss is the CEO. I supervise this person in a limited capacity. I oversee her daily work, give her tasks to do, and so forth, but I don’t have anything to do with her compensation or employment status. My boss is from a different culture, so I think he interprets the apologizing in a different way than we would; he thinks she is afraid of us/unhappy with the way we treat her, etc.

      2. MsChanandlerBong*

        Sorry, I saw and replied to fposte’s comment first because my computer went crazy when I tried to scroll. I supervise this person, but in a limited capacity. I just think this person is overly accommodating, and she would apologize 100 times no matter what we said or did. Sometimes she annoys me because she will ask if she needs to stay late/if there’s anything else I need her to do, and I’ll tell her no, and then she’ll say “Are you sure?” three times and say staying late is no problem, and she’d be happy to do it, and…She is very conscientious and enthusiastic, but sometimes I get a bit annoyed because I think “If I wasn’t sure, I wouldn’t tell you no!” But I know she’s just being nice.

        1. PollyQ*

          Yeah, someone needs to call out this behavior specifically — “When I tell you I don’t need anything else and that you can go home, please stop asking if I’m sure. You can trust that I’ll tell you what I need from you.” I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying that it’s annoying if she doesn’t tone it way down (because it is, and many, many people will find it so.)

          I’m not 100% sure that the person to have this conversation is you though. It sounds like your boss is her actual boss, so it really should be his job to do this. I get that he may feel that there are cultural issues at play, but I think he could use those, e.g., “I’ve noticed that you apologize a great deal — are you unhappy working here? Do you feel that we’re unkind/unfair to you?” That might get her attention. (maybe?)

          And I agree with D3 that it’s almost certainly something from her childhood, or maybe something picked up from a previous toxic workplace.

          1. Annony*

            I think it is also ok to point out the problems with what she is currently doing. She is trying to be polite so it might help her to see that she is having the opposite affect than intended.

            “When you repeatedly apologize for really minor things, it makes it very difficult to give you honest feedback. X really wasn’t a big deal but apologizing for it three times makes me feel like you are really upset. You don’t need to apologize at all for minor problems, but if you really feel the need to please try to limit it to once.”

            “When I tell you it is ok to go home, please take me at my word. When you continue to ask if I am sure I feel like you do not trust me to be honest with you. I promise that if we need you to stay later, I will tell you.”

    3. OtterB*

      This is so excessive it will probably be hard to change, and her saying “that’s just the way she is” is a yellow flag to me. But try offering her the “thanks” alternative to “sorry.” As in, “Thanks for showing me that / catching that mistake. I will do it that way / watch out for that in the future.”

      1. Reba*

        Yeah, replacing a habit with a new habit — rather than just quitting — can be easier!

        MsChanandlerBong, it sounds like she hears “don’t need to apologize” as not necessary but still ok if I do it… so maybe it’s worth a conversation where you say, “we need you to stop this because it makes it hard to talk to you about your projects, I realize it’s an ingrained habit and I nevertheless want you to substantially curb it. Can you agree to try saying ‘thanks for the feedback’ instead?”

    4. Fikly*

      It’s far more likely this is an ingrained habit that dates back from a long time ago and has nothing to do with what she thinks about the people she is apologizing to.

      Regardless, it’s a communication issue that will not serve her well in the workplace. I’d tell her that, and leave out any talk about why she’s doing it. Just focus on how it can undermine her at work.

    5. D3*

      I used to be this way. Came from being raised by parents who would fly into a rage over minor things and this kid of response would sometimes placate them.
      As I’ve become an adult and have worked through some issues, I no longer do this. But it took effort to overcome that pattern ingrained in me.

      1. The Sky Isn't Falling*

        This was my first thought. It’s a red flag to abuse elsewhere. If this is why she does it, it may take several (or many) reminders before she overcomes the problem.

        Since you’re responsible for breaking the bad habit:
        1. Tell her what she needs to change.
        2. Tell her what’s acceptable in terms of a short and simple response, “I’m sorry,” “thanks for the information,” etc.
        3. Correct her in the moment if it happens again.

  127. Stef*

    I’m having a problem. I work at Lowes as a cashier, and I’m currently going to college part time for accounting. The managers who make up my schedule overschedule me past the recommended part time hours I was hired to be working at (25 hours a week).
    They started working me over 40 hours, and I explained to my manager I can’t do those hours because I’m in school and I need to study as well as help out around the house to do my chores (which I was too tired to even complete). After talking to them many times, they complied with me for about a month and a half. I just checked my schedule recently, and they have me down for next week and the week after close to 40 hours when I’m supposed to do part time hours.
    I’m tired of constantly having to talk to managers to correct the schedule. I even put it on my availability sheet to schedule me for 25 hours a week and no more. What’s worse is that Lowes isn’t doing anything to help protect the cashiers from this Covid-19 virus, so everyone is shopping at Lowes and it’s incredibly busy. I can’t find another job because of what’s going on. I’m also scared that I might get the virus with how many hours I’m working when I don’t want to be there as much. I just started this job in late January and my probation period will be done at the end of this month. I’ve never had managers like this at my previous jobs. What can I do because I’m tired of sounding like a broken record?

    1. Colette*

      I think all you can do is keep reminding them, and ask them to choose which shifts they will reassign. It could just be the chaos of this time, but some retail employers are not good at respecting availability.

      1. valentine*

        Can you update your availability to fewer hours? Is there a manager you can sit down with or call and say that your hours are unchanging, 10:00 means 10:00 and you don’t want to no-call/no-show, but you can’t keep having the same conversation weekly?

        But you have to leave at 10:00, or they won’t believe you.

        And report them for the health violations.

    2. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      This is sadly very standard for part-time workers when they find their business in a crisis like retailers are now, they’ve got more work than they can do with their current staff, limited people are looking for work so they’re stretching their current team to their breaking points.

      You can’t worry about sounding like a broken record. Keep reminding them. Keep standing up for yourself. But sadly in the end, they aren’t going to do much for you. The only other choice is to quit or to go find another job somewhere else. All the retailers that are still open right now are hiring around here. Is there a Home Depot or grocery store you could work in instead? You’d probably run into them still trying to schedule you for longer than you can sustain though,it’s one of those “this is the time of nobody taking requests to stick to the standard schedule.” kind of thing. It’s utter hell and I’m sorry you’re in this position.

      1. Stef*

        Thanks for your replies. However, this was happening before the virus hit my area, which was in March. It was February that they started giving me a hard time. When I had the interview, I put on the availability sheet that I’m not available for Monday and Wednesday because I have classes. I put down I’m available all the other days for various times so I can meet the needs of the business. However, I wish I didn’t do that because I didn’t realize it that they would see my open availability and say that I could work full-time hours (I have the availbility) when I was hired for part time (which I want and was interviewed for). My previous jobs didn’t do that to me because they couldn’t give me over 30 hours.
        I changed my availability to closing shifts 2-10 and put down on the availability sheet to schedule me 25 hours a week. Now, they have me scheduled to close to 11, when I put down 10 P.M. on the sheet.

        1. AvonLady Barksdale*

          As far as the closing shifts go, when I’ve worked retail it’s always been, say, “2pm-close” without a set time. But even so, are you writing down that you will work until 10pm, or are you checking a box or something? I ask because there is a possibility that you want to be more rigid in your schedule than is the norm… and also that if you work a closing shift, you’re expected to work until close, which includes all of the closing clean up and restocking and could be unpredictable.

          Regardless, you can certainly push back and say you’re only available for 25 hours/week.

            1. AvonLady Barksdale*

              That sounds to me like a misunderstanding of how a closing shift works. I assume the store closes at 10? Then it makes sense that you would be scheduled until 11 because “closes at 10” does not mean “everyone out at 10 on the dot”.

              What did your manager say when you asked why you were scheduled layer or for more hours? And if you haven’t asked, you should– out of curiosity, not demanding answers.

              1. Stef*

                Lowes closes at 7 P.M. because of the virus so we can clean and disinfect the store. Whenever I’m scheduled for a 2-10 closing, all of the cleaning is finished. I’ve spoken to them many times about my schedule and they just say that because I have open availability that I can work full-time hours even though I’m part time. When I filled out all my information during the hiring process, it said I’m a part time employee. In the handbook, a part time employee is given 25 hours. I’m not registered as a full-time employee.
                There was another co-worker who had the same problem as me and they weren’t flexible with her and she was going to school full time. However, her classes were all day two days a week and she put down that she is available all the other days. They interpreted it as she can work full-time, and they gave her hard time, so she quit.
                Before the virus, Lowes closed at 10 and “closing” for a cashier was the latest 10:30 P.M. to finish cleaning up. The only people staying later were the head cashiers and managers.
                I think they just like to take advantage of someone’s availability and they have more payroll to hand out. My other part time jobs, even if they had the payroll, couldn’t put anyone over 30 hours, and they knew I was available open-close five days a week. However, they never ran me into the ground, and this was before I started going to college.

    3. leapingLemur*

      They’re a hardware store, and they can’t rig up some clear plastic stuff to be between the cashier and the customers? What’s wrong with them.

      Sorry about the shift issues. Some places do that a lot to their reliable good workers, which is silly because these are the people they want to keep.

    4. HBJ*

      I would just keep telling them. Shoot them an email – I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this every time.

      I get it. It’s super annoying. I had a part time job where the boss scheduled me to cover a certain shift every time the one other person who could do it (other than him) was out of town. Every time, I had to tell him I can’t. It became the principle of the thing for me, where even if my conflict was canceled, I would still tell him I couldn’t work that shift. (There were also some extenuating circumstances where I got the impression he simply didn’t respect my schedule or take my conflict seriously for reasons I won’t go into.)

  128. OtterB*

    Anybody’s organization looking at extending use-or-lose PTO deadlines? My daughter had a week blocked out for a friend’s wedding this month, which she won’t be traveling for. Because of their fiscal year, she now has a chunk of use-or-lose time to use before the end of June. She’d like to hold it for the rescheduled wedding, whenever that turns out to be, and in any case would prefer to hold the time for when she could do something other than hang out in her apartment. Although if she can get permission to schedule it on the fly rather than too far in advance, she might try to use it for going outside on days with nice weather.

    1. Mad Harry Crewe*

      Honestly, if I were her, I’d take the week off anyway. Sure, you can’t go out, but it’s nice to have a break from work. I took 3 days off a few weeks ago, and I’m already ready for another long weekend.

      1. valentine*

        She should use it now. This is no time to bank on a future promise of an exception to policy. I mean, they could determine later that they just can’t let her use the PTO.

    2. MissBookworm*

      I have a similar situation going on, though mine is for a trip next month and I haven’t even looked into rescheduling yet. I guess I keep hoping I’ll still get to go. My company bases PTO on your hire date and we have several employees (myself included) whose anniversary dates are within the next two months and I know at least three of them were planning to take vacations in the next two months. Our HR team is looking into it, talking to our parent company (who recently acquired us, so we don’t know how receptive they will be), but that’s all we know. We haven’t heard anything on what they might do.

  129. Going Anon*

    It sounds like what you have is definitely enough to talk to somebody about. I’d even say it’s the responsible thing to do, because he can’t run a team like this, especially not a communications one.

    I sincerely hope he has family in his life to help him out, but if not, someone speaking to him about it could also be the trigger he needs to get medical help if he hasn’t already, because this is beyond the limits of normal cognitive decline.

  130. spock*

    Amazon tech recruiters are the worst, completely disconnected from each other and with a high turnover, every few months yet another new recruiter bothers me about joining some random team or other. Very annoying, but today it reached a whole new level when they sent me a recruiting email to my WORK email address. I don’t sign up for any personal things with that address so either they’re buying contacts from shady sources or doing shady things internally like using AWS client emails as a talent acquisition source.

    I recognize that this is like, the least important thing on the long list of “Bad Things Amazon Does” but it’s just another example of how their shadiness literally extends to every single facet of their business.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      I had a recruiter call me at my place of business and get to me under the guise of “checking to see you need any help hiring/recruiting, etc.” Since I’m HR, they sniffed it out as a sales call but always let me know to see if I’ll take it or not. This was a reputable company I’m familiar with and I assumed again, a sales call. I took it and this guy started pitching me a job…

      There are some really desperate recruiters out there and they’re seedy AF.

      I’m thankfully not in the line of work that would get Amazon on my tail. I’d love to tell them where they can stuff their recruiting calls and their company if they ever wanted to though…it’s not burning a bridge when I’d literally only work there if they were the last place on Earth [they may very well be one day at this rate, right?] and good luck any of those seedy recruiters actually blacklisting someone that’s so frequently contacted like you are.

  131. Accounting Otaku*

    I just finished an interview that was rough for the employer side. I am so grateful to this website for helping me see red flags and teaching me you do not need to accept a job offer just because you have one.

      1. JediSquirrel*

        I’ll second that. This site has become a huge knowledge base of good things companies do and bad things companies do. It’s informative to read through some older posts, which is why I’m always glad there are related posts listed under the current post.

      2. Accounting Otaku*

        Honestly, they want their hiring process to go far too quickly with the pandemic going on. They had a lot of negative glassdoor reviews to overcome. The first interviewer barely let me talk only asked me two questions. I would be reporting directly to him, so that doesn’t bode well. Then he ended the conference call when he was only supposed to be muting himself so what would be my coworkers could finish up. When we did get reconnected, the questions they asked me were too generic and not very insightful at all. I just didn’t feel like they were being very selective and had already made their decision. Plus, the last job offer that came from this recruiter that hooked us up, I ended up quitting in 2 months. I know my interview skills, and I’m fairly certain an offer is coming that I will turn down.

  132. Running & Coffee*

    I have an employee–new to our company and new to a corporate environment–who is very sweet and very excited to be here but is driving me crazy. She is just super-urgent about everything and constantly wants feedback, but I am swamped and just don’t always have time to reply to her IMs and emails and then I feel bad. This morning I gave her a heads up about a project and told her she would get the official brief by EOD. She already did the work, without seeing the brief. The brief really matters. She wants me to review what I did and I told her to wait until she sees the brief as she may need to redo it. I appreciate her enthusiasm and want her to be happy here but it’s really irritating to have to constantly tell her she’s not following process. Any suggestions?

    1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      “I told you the official brief on this project was coming later today. By jumping the gun, you caused yourself x hours of extra work, which meant a lot of time was wasted. Why did you start the project without waiting for the official instructions?”

      And then stop talking and see what she says.

      I’m guessing it’ll be some semblance of, “Oh, I just wanted to get going so I could get it done, blah blah,” at which point you get to say something like “Done correctly is more important than done early. I need you to be sure that you are following our appropriate processes and not running off into the weeds. This is an important part of what can make you successful with Llama Teapots Inc — wasted time and work that needs to be redone is not a good indicator of success. Do you understand?” And then stop talking again.

    2. Actual Vampire*

      If she is new to the corporate world, she might be having trouble understanding what you expect from her and how she should manage her time. Are you clear about deadlines, schedules, what you expect or don’t expect? Does she understand that getting a “heads up” about a project doesn’t mean that she is supposed to start working on it ASAP? Have you explicitly told her not to work on projects until she has the official brief?

    4. JediSquirrel*

      If she’s new to a corporate environment, it may be that most or all of her working experience is in places where getting it done now is more important that getting it done perfectly right—like fast food.

      Are your processes documented? Does she understand them?

      Have a sit-down with her and explain that in your organization getting things done correctly is more important that getting them done immediately. Run through the most relevant processes with her, make sure she understands them, and then tell her to relax (although that last bit may not be necessary, but she does sound a bit tense and nervous to me) and follow the process. Explain that she doesn’t need constant feedback from you because as long as she is following the process, that is how she can judge whether she is doing the broad strokes correctly. She can save up her questions about the fine strokes for a brief session with you at some point later in the day when you have the time.

      Don’t feel bad about not being able to respond to her immediately. Some employee’s instinct when they get stuck is to run and ask. (This may be a holdover from school—who knows?) She may often be able to figure out the answers on her own if you are not immediately responding to her and encouraging her to refer to the brief. Encourage her to find the answers she needs as much as possible on her own. Her—”What kind of cover should I put on the TPS reports?” You—”I don’t know; wasn’t it specified in the brief?”

      This is really about helping her develop a model in her mind of what her workflow should look like. It’s possible she’s never had the opportunity to work on more complex projects like this, and is still thinking in terms of smaller tasks rather than larger projects. Trees, instead of the forest.

      (Also, does she understand some of the business terminology here, like EOD? I’ve had a few people ask me over the years who COB was. I’ve learned to never make an assumption that someone will know something like that any more. Because we tend to get candidates from a variety of disciplines, I actually made a one-page glossary of common business terms like COB and FOB for them. Most of them have appreciated it.)

  133. Safety Comes Second?*

    I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I recently started working for a company (Company X) 3 months ago. When I first interviewed, I was so happy and loved every word they were selling me. The job I was with at the time (Company A) wasn’t in my field, had no management, and just wasn’t a right fit for me overall. I was excited to join Company X at first. The first few weeks were awesome, then they started to change my scope of work…Instead of the 40 hour work week I started with, they began scheduling me for work during the weekends/weekdays for 10-12 hours a day (no overtime because I’m exempt) randomly. I wouldn’t get notifications until 10:30pm the night before that I needed to be in at 6:00am the next morning for 12 hour shifts for x-days in a row. On top of this, they started asking me to make these documents that went against what the equipment manufacturer states in their manuals. When I brought up that I felt uncomfortable making these documents with my name on them as an engineer, I was told “just do it.” And on top of this, I received a “certificate” of completion for safety certifications that I never even had training in. My gut is telling me to jump ship. I don’t feel safe with Company X and it seems they don’t value ethics or safety. But, it’s also COVID-19 pandemic time so jobs are difficult to come by. Should I ride it out at Company X while finding another job or jump ship now before I/someone gets hurt and wish for my best with job hunting?

    2. PollyQ*

      I wouldn’t quit, unless you’ve got a really good nest egg to fall back on. I would definitely start looking for something else though, and I’d also check the federal guidelines to make sure you’re correctly classified as ‘exempt’. If you’re not, then you’re entitled to OT pay, and in many states, you can make a wage claim for quite a white after you did the work. So definitely track your hours. It sounds like they may also be violating safety laws, or maybe even committing fraud, so you might want to look into dropping a dime on them.

    3. valentine*

      This sounds all kinds of illegal and you’ve literally signed your name to it and accepted a fraudulent cert.

      Consult a lawyer.

  134. another anon*

    I’m in kind of an odd situation. My sister just texted me a few minutes ago asking if I use Outlook at work (which I do) because she needs somebody to set up an Outlook calendar event for her. Her office uses Google calendar, I guess. We don’t work together at all, though–very different companies, industries, even cities–and I feel like this is a weird request given that my work isn’t connected to hers. I’m not sure I’m comfortable creating a work event for her job on my work Outlook; does anybody else also think that would be a bad idea? Or am I overthinking?

    1. Choggy*

      So you would create a meeting and invite attendees from her company? Yeah, that does not make sense. You don’t have to have Outlook to sent meeting requests to Outlook users. A meeting request is a meeting request. She should just set up the calendar event in Google calendar and invite her attendees.

      1. another anon*

        Right? I think I just needed validation that it wouldn’t make sense for me to do it for her. We seem to be figuring it out though.

    2. aiya*

      instead of creating the event for her using your own work Outlook account, why don’t you suggest to her or even walk her through the process of creating an email on Outlook and how to go about creating an event through Outlook? It seems weird that she’s asking you to do this when there’s clearly an alternative that she can do on her own.

      1. another anon*

        Yeah, what I’ve ended up doing is sort of being her guinea pig–letting her send me a test invite and telling her if it’s working (and then deleting it because I don’t need it on my work calendar). I guess she was just stressed about not knowing if it would work.

    3. voluptuousfire*

      It’s definitely a shift from Google Calendar to Outlook, so I can understand why she may feel out of the loop.

      I don’t think it’s a bad idea, just odd. Someone working with Gsuite can easily send a calendar invite to an Outlook client. I do it all the time! The only thing I think is that you may not see the person accept their invite if they’re on the Outlook side.

      1. another anon*

        Luckily I don’t think it’ll matter if she sees if they’ve accepted or not! Her issue was about the info that would show up, I guess, and I think she’s worked that out.

  135. DiscoLemonade*

    I was recently offered a new job, and when I submitted my notice, my manager came back a few hours later with a counter-offer: in recognition of the fact that my role had changed significantly over the past 6 months, they offered to bump my pay up over 15%, retroactive to October. This had apparently already been in the works to some degree since I know that there was talk recently about a need to update my job description.

    Anyway, I turned it down–the job change is more about the actual work I’m doing, and I’m lucky enough that the pay didn’t need to be the main motivator. Now, one of my friends is advising that I insist on the retro pay. I understand the point that turning down the counter-offer didn’t change anything about the work that had already been done between October and now. At the same time, I also realize that my (large, public-sector) employer doesn’t have a process for bonuses of any sort, much less retention bonuses, and that this retro pay was likely intended to fill that gap.

    I don’t plan to pursue it further but I’m not always a great advocate for myself, so I’m curious about what others think here.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      I don’t see what you have to lose to keep pressing them for your retroactive pay. Worse case, they just never have it come through. You already gave notice, this just just trying to squeeze out the last drop if possible and if not, pitch it in the trash and run into the arms of your new job. Congrats on the new job!

    2. T. Boone Pickens*

      You certainly don’t have anything to lose by asking and as long as you don’t mind getting looked at like you sprouted 2 extra heads I’d say go for it!

    3. PollyQ*

      You can ask, but it sounds like it was offered in return for your sticking around. My prediction is that they’ll be unlikely to pay it now that you’re leaving.

  136. MissMia*

    I posted last week about being exposed to chemicals while working a new job and how my lungs seemed to be damaged by them. I just wanted to give a quick update. After finishing another course of antibiotics and steroids, nothing improved. Last night I made the decision to go to the emergency room, as my doctor’s office/hospital system still wasn’t doing in office visits opting for telehealth and I felt I needed to be seen physically. I called the ER I’ve been going to for over 10 years for emergencies and they said to definitely come in.. The doctor and staff listened to the whole case history, did more blood work and a third set of x-rays. They said it didn’t sound like a virus and they quickly ruled out COVID-19.

    They have determined I have chronic bronchitis caused by the chemical exposure. They gave me some literature on it, and said they’d send my doctor a report. My doctor’s office called today and made a telehealth appointment for Monday to discuss further treatment options. I’m upset. I worked so hard to be able to work again, to be able to do work outside of retail, and now its like back to square one again. I did put some inquiries in for legal help but I haven’t heard anything more back then one firm saying they’d pass it on to the attorneys as they thought i had a legitimate claim against the temp agency and they’d get back to me. So I’m going to keep inquiring until I find someone I guess.

    Thank you to everyone last week that let me know that I did have a legit issue.

    1. MissDisplaced*

      I had something like that once when I worked for a place that did screen printing (without the proper ventilation I might add!). It got so bad I went to the doctor because I was wheezing all the time. They never pinpointed the cause, but it totally cleared up after I quit that place. I hope yours clears up and this is temporary.

    2. Mimmy*

      I went back and read your thread from last week… Wow. Good luck with your appointment on Monday and that you can get the medical and legal help you need. Please keep us posted.

  137. Lizard Egg*

    For those of you who have filed for unemployment, about how long is it until you find out if you’re eligible and what your benefits will be?

    Also, if you’re paid from your employer for part of the week, have you been able to receive any benefits for the remainder of the week? I realize it varies by state. From my state’s claimant handbook, it sounds like what I make that week will subtracted from my weekly benefit. I’m not sure I’d actually receive anything.

    I ask because I will be furloughed for two days next week. I need to figure out if taking vacation days is better, or if I should file and see if I can get partial benefits and the extra $600. If it takes weeks to find out that I’m ultimately not eligible, then it will be too late to take vacation days. HR doesn’t have much info, and the UI call center wait times are over an hour and a half. I keep running into brick walls trying to get info.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      You have to stay on the phone, you have to wait until you can speak to someone on your state level to have any real answers. I wouldn’t rely on anyone here, everyone’s case is different, every state is different. But really every case is different in the end.

      I’ve seen people still waiting for weeks to be paid. I’ve seen people being denied after waiting a long time. If you can use vacation days, do what’s a given and don’t risk it if it means paying your bills and surviving. Only use unemployment as a last option in any circumstance.

      1. Lizard Egg*

        Thanks for your response. I did wait on hold that long to speak to someone on Thursday, but she couldn’t give me clear answers to everything. I might try again Monday. Just curious what others’ experiences have been.

    2. LQ*

      *Disclaimer here.
      Depends on the state, for how long, how automated they are etc.

      A lot of states will deduct what you make from your benefit amount, or deduct some portion of that. But if you make more than your benefit amount you don’t get anything. (Again, state to state.)

      If your furlough is going to be 3 days on 2 days off your employer sucks. They should do a week on week off. In most states, employers are relieved of charges for COVID related separations so they are just sucking because they don’t know better or they are jerks (or you’re in a state that’s not relieving charges, in which case ooof complain about that). If it’s going to be a going forward thing I’d take the vacation days and then you’ll just collect benefits +$600 after that.

    3. valentine*

      If you need a money in a timely fashion, use the vacation.

      There’s a lot on this upthread, in the FMLA post and at least one other.

  138. Mrs. Smith*

    I think my employer stopped contributing the company match to my retirement fund. I know – I’m lucky to still have a job with a steady market and can WFH till things normalize, still have insurance, am young enough to rebound – but are they allowed to just *stop* contributing without telling me? I checked my fund today and my own contribution is in there but the 7 percent match I’ve been getting hasn’t been put in since January, and I was never advised of that. If I had known I might have stepped up my own contribution to make up for market fluctuations but I’ve been sitting here in the dark for three months.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      They can stop at any time. I’m salty with you about the fact they didn’t even announce it, that’s ridiculous of them.

      This is pretty standard to remove match during economic crunch time.

    2. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      Reading more about this because I went down the rabbit hole…

      It’ll depend on the plan. There are some that require you to give at least 30 day notice to employees before stopping. Others not so much. Many details here! I would hope they aren’t doing something they should have ran passed their administrators but so many companies are bad when it comes to actually doing things the correct way…it could go either direction on if they’re doing it right or not :(

    3. HR- Occam's Razor*

      Do you someone in payroll or HR to reach out to for clarification?
      If it’s a 401k plan the rules for changes will be in the Summary Plan Document which you should have access to.

    5. MissDisplaced*

      It’s fairly common for companies to do this in times of financial hardship. Sometimes they will make it up later, sometimes not. They should notify everyone of that though. Usually, they will resume the matching.

      This is what I hate about 401k versus a traditional Pension. You can never depend on that 401k, and it goes up or down with Wall Street.

    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Some companies are switching to issue them once per year. Is it possible you missed an announcement?

  139. Fikly*

    Saw a bonkers job ad the other day.

    It included this gem:

    “Rather than a traditional resume cover letter, we ask that you please send a break up letter as your cover letter. You can break up with any person, place or thing. The person, place or thing can be real or fictional.”

    Please tell me this isn’t a trend.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      That sounds like a scam…like they’re gonna ask you to then Western Union them some cash form incidentals and training next.

    2. another anon*

      Oh man, I would love to apply with a letter breaking up with that particular job ad.

  140. CheddarHoltEsq.*

    I work in an essential business, managing low paid, hourly employees. In the past month, an employee’s immediate family member attempted suicide, multiple employees are trying to cope with ongoing domestic violence situations, multiple employees have lost immediate family members, many employees are having serious health problems, and multiple employees have lost cars or housing (incredibly stressful as they do not make enough money to live in our area, and are seriously facing homelessness). All of them need time off or accommodations at work, and in some cases are understandably acting out while at work. The past two months have been incredibly stressful, although I am truly grateful that I have a secure job and get daily human interaction with my coworkers who are mostly really cool people. I can’t take time off work for another month or two at least, haven’t taken a single vacation day since October, and taking a sick day for mental health isn’t an option. On top of all this, I’m becoming more certain daily that my marriage is not going to work out. I work overtime every single week, and cannot afford even a studio in my area that will allow me to keep my two cats. How do I survive and continue to manage others in the short term? I have gotten snippy with multiple people this week, and am worried about slipping up further. Short term therapy isn’t really an option with my schedule and insurance. I would be so grateful for any advice.

    1. The Man, Becky Lynch*

      Part of this is going to be about trying to detach yourself. It sucks, it’s hard and it hurts because you want to keep your humanity switch on but sometimes, you can’t. Not when everyone needs you and you can’t fix or help everyone.

      This is very standard in low paid job management. I’m no longer there but I’ve had to develop a bit of hard casing around my heart and only do what I can in the end. Some of these people won’t be able to stay in the job, despite them needing it. You still have a job to be done and you can’t jump in and do 7 jobs at once while you have 7 different people out on leave.

      Remind yourself in the end that you’re first on your priorities list. If you can’t give someone the day off, despite their reasons or needs, you have to deny their request for leave. You have to replace people who can’t show up regularly enough to keep your place running.

      And in the end, you need out of there in the end. This isn’t sustainable and it’s not good for you. You need better. You are not abandoning this place by leaving, you aren’t abandoning the people who work for you. You’re leaving a situation that’s going to seriously kill you. Don’t stay there a minute longer than you have to. And again, you have to harden your soul a bit. It will soften again once you leave and are in a better place, I can say that from experience.

      1. CheddarHoltEsq.*

        Thanks so much for your response. I generally have good boundaries, but my work culture is all about close personal relationships and busting your ass for the team. It’s really reassuring to hear that constant emotional chaos among the workforce is common in this type of job, I’ve been contemplating daily the point of human existence when our lives are so full of trials and suffering (lol). I don’t plan to stay in this role for more than another two years, and I would leave sooner except I think I can use this job to transfer to another city with much cheaper cost of living where going back to school and changing careers is a real option. I appreciate your insight and will try to keep your advice in mind.

    2. MissDisplaced*

      I’m sorry you’re going through such a stressful time. I don’t have much to say in regard to managing this workforce, but I’m sure it’s difficult.
      As for your marriage, I hope it works out, at least for now. Why can’t you keep your current apartment (which I’m assuming allows kitties) though? You could get a roommate? IDK. But things are never as hopeless as they seem.

    3. Mad Harry Crewe*

      Take a really long, hard look at whether you can get a day or two off. You sound like you’re in a really rough place right now. A long weekend would probably help you find your balance and stop sniping at people.

      Does your employer offer EAP? You might be able to get counseling that way.

      I’m sorry your marriage isn’t doing well. Do you have enough space and good will that you could switch to a “roommates” situation, and avoid having to move while everything is awful?

  141. Sally*

    I got laid off on Tuesday, with 53% of my company’s workforce, and today is my last working day. My small team and I had a virtual farewell cocktail party, which was really great (I’m the only one on the team who was laid off) . But I’m really sad. It feels like a breakup. This was a fantastic job with a wonderful group of people. I guess I just wanted to connect with the AAM community because a lot of you have been through this. If any of you have ideas for feeling better, I’d welcome them. I’m planning to take the weekend off, update my resume next week, and start applying for jobs.

    1. JediSquirrel*

      I’m planning to take the weekend off

      Good plan.

      When something bad like this happens to me, I give myself a certain set amount of time to just wallow in the sadness and self-pity and bitter disappointment. There’s no point in repressing those feelings. You’ve got to feel them, so give yourself a time and space to safely do that.

      What usually happens is that about half-way through the wallowing period, I’m just done feeling those feelings and I’m ready to get on to something productive, like updating my resume.

      What happened to you really sucks. Take the weekend off, feel all the feels, and then do what you need to do. There are companies that are hiring, and you’ve already worked at one great place with a great group of people, so you know those kinds of companies exist. Figure out this weekend some specifics about why it was so great and start to think of some culture questions to ask in interviews to help you find another great place to land.

      You got this! Best of luck and keep us updated!

    3. Jeffrey Deutsch*

      I’m very sorry.

      Were/are you able to find out why they laid you off but kept all your teammates? More broadly, do you know what the company will say about you when prospective employers call?

      Good luck Sally!

  142. Cog in the Machine*

    Does anyone have any tips for managing a passive-aggressive Type A admin assistant? I have been working with this person for all of two weeks, and I already cringe every time I get an email from them.

    1. Mad Harry Crewe*

      In general, with passive-aggressive people, I do not read between the lines. I aggressively take them at face value, and I don’t respond to any kind of subtext. If you have a question, ask it out loud. If you have something else to say, say it. Otherwise, message not received.

      If this person is your assistant, obviously you have a lot more leeway to direct their work and interactions, both with you and with other people.

  143. Rose*

    Keep doing what you are doing – basically ignoring them. 1) If you run into them, nod & smile politely, then excuse yourself. 2) If there name comes up by someone else in conversation, say as little as possible & change the subject. If that doesn’t work, excuse yourself. 3) Do not trash talk them because that will reflect badly on you.

  144. KrisLee*

    Hello,
    So I was recently temporarily laid off due to COVID 19. I was told the intention was to bring me back but nothing was promised. I found out that my old boss, we will identify them as Letter “A”, was given my projects and tasks. To be honest I was a bit bitter because I had to clean up this persons mess after they had washed their hands clean of their tasks and projects. I constantly was picking up the pieces and the division leader, identified as “B”, knew this.

    Now 7 PM the night of they lay off I get about 3 in depth questions about projects, scope and outstanding items from “A”. I provided answers that were in depth, but I was pretty upset that I was having to provide information after I was out a job. In all honestly I felt it may effect re-hire if that truly was an option.

    Then we come around to the next business day and I get requests for detailed information from both “A” and another ex-coworker. The answers were not simple and would take some time to provide proper direction. I let “A” know I was uncomfortable providing the information and I emailed the HR department and “B” stating I would help with a hand off but felt compensation would be fair.

    Now a bit more backstory. Since this was presented as a temporary layoff the company is covering 100% health insurance benefits for the time being. So I received a response from the HR department saying they were shocked I was asking for compensation to provide information they needed. They proceeded to insinuate there was a difference between a termination and layoff, that I was currently laid off, so I should provide the information they requested. It came across as a threat that if I did not comply my Layoff would change to a termination.

    My questions:
    1. Is it reasonable for my former employer to expect me to provide what I feel is constant direction to their staff after being laid off?
    2. Is appropriate/legal for them to threaten to change my status because I wanted compensation to provide that direction?
    3. If they do offer my position back and I refuse, can they withhold unemployment benefits to me because I turned down a job? I’m afraid of retaliation and that they would fire me after coming back and I don’t want to take that chance.

    1. Mad Harry Crewe*

      Based on my (very new, very limited) understanding, they mean that you are furloughed, not laid off. Laid off = no benefits, no wage, you don’t work here. Furloughed = still an employee, company covers (or may cover?) their portion of benefits, however no wage, no hours, no work.

      In any case, the answer is NO, you should not be doing any work because you are not receiving any compensation. From elsewhere in this comment thread, a company that asks furloughed employees to work during furlough could be in for big big fines.

      I think you should do a bit of research (likely on your state’s unemployment website, or by calling). Confirm that you cannot do any work, and that you are receiving UI during this furlayoff. Also ask about your question 3 – what if they turn your furlough into a layoff because you refused to break the law? My gut says that would likely not affect UI, but laws are sometimes dumb and unfair.

      Once you have that info, you’re in a much better place to push back. “I’m sorry, when I applied for UI they were very clear that I cannot do any work during this time. I don’t want for us to get in trouble over this!”

      1. KrisLee*

        Thanks Mad Harrey Crewe! Good advice and thanks for pointing in the right direction in how to respond to my previous employer.

    2. Fikly*

      You should reply that you are shocked – shocked – that they would want you to work for no pay, which they of course know is illegal.

      1. valentine*

        This is the play. You can soften it to “It would require x hours of work and I wouldn’t want us to get in trouble, as all work needs to be paid.”

  145. Working interview Quandary*

    I am currently unemployed, and had some promising interviews prior Covid-19 putting things in limbo. This week I did a long distance interview which went well. Now the company wants me to visit. I’m under travel advisory in my state, and living with several at risk family members. I’d need to fly to the company’s location. Company has suggested signing me on as temp, so that I will qualify as an essential worker (then could technically travel even with advisory) and then conduct a working interview. It’s a position that really does require a trial period to determine it the applicant/company is a good fit. I’m reluctant to pass this up but have a lot of qualms about doing this—and putting others I live with at risk. Does anyone have thoughts? I’m living next to the epicenter and it seems irresponsible to even think about moving around right now, although they assure me I’d be quarantined as much as possible while I’m there.

    1. PollyQ*

      It’s absolutely irresponsible to travel right now, and the company is ridiculous to ask you to do it. Given that there’s going to be a trial period during which you’ll be a “temp”, they’re taking a minimal risk by hiring you anyway. I don’t know how much you need the work/money, but unless you’re hitting a real desperation point, I’d push back on this, politely but firmly.

    2. JediSquirrel*

      Seconding Polly Q.

      And this company seems weird to me. “It really does require a trial period to determine if the applicant/company is a good fit”? That’s pretty much true of any position, isn’t it? Isn’t that what probation periods are for? I know I’ve made some mistakes both hiring and accepting positions.

      Considering that you are living close to the epicenter already and there is a larger chance of your already having been exposed. This is really risky.

      And signing you on as a temp so you can be considered an essential worker just to get around the quarantine? That’s shady right there. Company is indicating they are willing to break the rules.

    3. Fikly*

      The company is showing you a massive red flag right now. They are willing to essentially lie (put you as a temp worker when you have not been hired) to get around public health orders. Thank them for their transparancy and move on.

  146. Not a curator*

    I work at an organization that has a small art gallery. Our curator was let go several months ago, and much of the administrative work for gallery exhibits has fallen to me (I’m in more of a general admin role). Aside from a spreadsheet, does anyone know of any free programs that are useful for tracking art work that’s brought in. My ideal thing would be something where I could group a picture with the info, but still have that info digitally to mail merge into labels. Any ideas appreciated!!

    1. Seeking Second Childhood*

      My gut instinct is to search the records of previous exhibits, and look up the file extensions online to learn what programs were used. That lets you base your work on projects done last year.

  147. Adrian Clement*

    I’m in a situation where I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or consolation or both. I’m in the fortunate situation where my full time job has transitioned to full-time WFH pretty seamlessly. The unfortunate part is that I’ve hated this job for the last 3 months and was actively looking before the current lock down situation took effect. I’ve only been in this position for 7 or 8 months and knew within a few months of taking it that it was a bad fit. The organization is incredibly disorganized in project management, the quality of work is low and the office gossip/politics is on a level I don’t understand or want to be a part of. I want to quit and take on freelance work or look for something else. This makes me feel incredibly guilty when the working world around me is cratering.

    I’m mid-level in my career (designer), with 6-7 years experience in my field but working in a new to me industry(ad/marketing). This is only my second job out of school, I worked at my first professional job up from intern to my current position in an agency that was not a traditional marketing agency. I’m feeling very unsure if this is truly a bad fit or if I’m lacking something for this particular field.
    The issue that has brought this to a head in the last few weeks is a deteriorating relationship with my boss. I don’t think we work well together, he is disorganized in a way that interferes with my work and often seems to be avoiding addressing issues that I bring up to him. Recently he gave me an assignment for some internal work with very little parameters. No clear due date, no clear scope, he pitched it as ‘exploratory.’ I took him at his word; it turns out that none of this was true. It seems that the entirety of background and supporting content was wrong. I got angry and frustrated and raised my voice in a way that was probably not so professional but in the moment it was infuriating to suddenly understand that I was probably wasting effort on a project that would go nowhere. This is all compounded by an atmosphere at this job where design seems to be not respected and we’re generally over-scheduled because communication is bad not because the work is particularly challenging.

    This is a rambling venting message but I guess I am looking for some advice: How did you know you should quit? How do you know if it’s a career bad fit or a job bad fit? And am I being stupid to quit my job in the middle of a pandemic recession?

    1. Mad Harry Crewe*

      I’d probably recommend keeping your current job while job hunting. It is grim for a lot of people right now, and even a crappy job is still a job. If you can put in any kind of workflows that will help buffer against the busywork, that would also be a worthwhile thing to do. And, as much as possible, let everything roll off. You’re being asked to do some nonsense meaningless task? Ok, that’s the job. Turns out that task was pointless and now you need to redo for an updated brief? Ok, that’s the job. Dial your scope down as small as you can – don’t think about how the work could be done better, don’t think about what a stupid waste of time this is. They want to pay you to waste time? Ok! That’s the job.

      I don’t know how to advise about whether this is a job problem or a career problem – my guess is job, but networking a bit with your industry would probably get you better answers.

    2. introverted af*

      It sucks a lot right now, but I would keep the job while you can and keep looking.

      My husband also works as a designer, but is in his first job out of college. It’s not a great fit for a lot of similar reasons – he doesn’t like the type or quality of work the company does, he doesn’t get along with his co-workers at all, he wants to be pushed to grow more in his work. But, it pays the bills and his boss knows that she lied a bit in his interviews about what kind of place it was to get him to accept the job when they offered it, so they’ve also been generous with raises and bonuses.

      He still applies to anything he thinks is a good fit, and tries to really really disconnect from his work when he’s done for the day. He vents some throughout the day, but he has his rituals on coming home for the day that really help him feel like he’s relaxing – some of those have changed since we’re also both WFH now, but he has found other ways to do the same and be able to enjoy his evenings.

    3. Good grief*

      Are you me in an alternative timeline? I’m going through the exact same thing but I know this place is a bad fit for me and my mental health. Look for a job but don’t quit yet – no one knows what the job market is going to be like and if you are like me, having financial security is pretty high on my mind.

    4. MissDisplaced*

      Long time designer here who transitioned to marketing communications.
      Your letter has a lot to unpack, but let me pick out a few things.

      “a new to me industry(ad/marketing)”
      Agencies are typically fast paced and disorganized. That’s been my experience. I hate them. You might better enjoy working as an in-house designer for a larger company. Maybe not as high-profile, but usually saner and steadier with clearer goals.

      “where design seems to be not respected”
      That will be pretty much EVERYPLACE! Seriously, get used to it. People seem to think design is oh so easy, until they actually try to do it. LOL

      “project that would go nowhere”
      Yeah, that happens sometimes. Actually, more than you think.

      “I’ve only been in this position for 7 or 8 months and knew within a few months of taking it that it was a bad fit”
      Hard to say if it’s just THIS agency or you’ve begun to see design isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?
      Probably this is just a bad place to work with disorganized management though.

      “I want to quit and take on freelance work or look for something else.”
      Nothing wrong with that! START LOOKING but don’t quit outright. And don’t feel bad or guilty–this place isn’t the right fit for you.
      But I’d try to find something else first. Save the freelance or temp work (which my guess is in short supply right now) for when you have no other options. There’s a lot going on right now, and this pandemic means the job situation is very fluid. Your company may start cutting and you may be cut–in which case you’d be eligible for unemployment. So, start your job search, but hang in a bit longer if you can.

  148. it's all good*

    Has anyone applied for the SBA COVID-19 ECONOMIC INJURY DISASTER LOAN the loan/grant that is up to 10K and have received the direct deposit monies? And if so, how many days from application to deposit? Thank you.

  149. Madeira*

    I work as a recruiting contractor and my boss, as advised by their lawyer for some H1B process, has asked me to call candidates on the phone 2x to ask them to fill out a job application and send it by snail mail if they don’t respond or to send it by email. I’m not familiar with this process at all but is that…normal? It

  150. stitchinthyme*

    Probably no one will see this since it’s really late, but I needed to get it out in order to get my thoughts in order, so…

    Before the virus-related shutdowns, I had been planning to start looking for a new job around now. With all the craziness going on, it obviously no longer seems like a great idea, but I figured I’d at least post my resume and see if anyone contacted me, although I didn’t expect much. However, I did get a response, and I have a (video) interview next week. After looking at the company’s website, I’m about 90% sure I don’t really want this job (more on that in a minute), but I haven’t done any interviewing in 7 years, and this will be the first time I’m interviewing since I got a cochlear implant last year and had a subsequent hearing loss in the other ear. I mostly do okay understanding people, but I’m still a bit nervous as this will be the first time I’m interviewing with this situation, so I figured I’d talk to them anyway to give myself some practice and hopefully confidence. (The fact that it’s video means that it’s unlikely they’ll realize I have the CI — it’s not all that visible looking at me from the front, and the part on my ear looks similar to a Bluetooth headset, so at least I shouldn’t have to worry about unconscious bias because of it.)

    The problem is, for the last 7 years, almost, I’ve been at a job where I really feel undervalued and underutilized, but at the same time, like I don’t have the knowledge I really need to work there. I am well aware that I have a huge case of impostor syndrome, and my managers have never had any complaints and my raises have been good (in fact, I now make almost 50% more there than my starting salary, though the company hierarchy is pretty flat and I don’t want to be a manager, so my title is the same), but it is actually true that there is a big gap in my knowledge in that I really don’t understand the thing my company primarily does, and I don’t know of any formal training to fill in that gap. I spend a lot of my time totally bored or asking for more work and not getting it (or being asked to do something and having no clue how to do it, though mostly I just don’t get asked), and I was truly surprised that I survived my company’s first layoff ever, which happened recently. This is the main reason I want to leave. I obviously won’t say this in any interviews I do, but it weighs on me and I’m not feeling a lot of confidence in my abilities after many months of near-constant boredom while everyone I work with seems quite busy.

    Anyway, the reason I’m not that interested in the new opportunity is because the company sounds a lot like my current one. My current place did not tell me the true nature of the work until after I started, due to their non-disclosure and secrecy policies, and let’s just say that my conscience is not all that easy about some of what we’re doing, so another reason I’d like to leave is because I’d like to be doing work that doesn’t make me feel guilty. So going to another company that does essentially the same sort of thing (though possibly without the specialty where I have the big knowledge gap) is not something I really want to do.

    So I’m treating this interview as a way to get my feet wet and hopefully gain a little confidence, if not in my abilities, then at least in being able to participate in an interview without needing any accommodations for my hearing problems. But any words of encouragement are welcome.

    1. MissBookworm*

      I feel like any interview you do is definitely a step in the right direction. The more interviews you do, the more confident you’ll be in answering questions and in asking them.

      Also, you need to stop criticizing your own abilities; you have been in your current position for 7 years, a company isn’t necessarily going to keep someone on for that long (with multiple pay raises) if you weren’t doing a good job.

      I work in a specialized industry, but I do accounting work for clients in our industry (work they don’t want to do themselves). I can’t answer any questions about the product our industry sells and frankly what I do know is a mess of information that I could never adequately put into words, but I can talk about billing clients and general ledgers, journal entries, etc. which are all part of my job duties. Basically, it’s normal to not completely understand what your company does. Don’t worry about it!

      Good luck on your job search!

    2. Clementine*

      I think it’s a very good idea to do interview practice. I’d also suggest doing this with a friend too, so you can be sure you are comfortable with the technology and your friend can give you feedback about how you behave and look on video, given you haven’t been interviewing for 7 years.

      And I would take the interview seriously, even if you are 99.9% sure you don’t want this job. It’s not unheard of to get referred to a different company or have a different position open up, based on an interview.

    3. MissDisplaced*

      There is nothing wrong with interviewing even if you don’t really think it’s the right job for you!
      Ask good questions (find the advice for that on here), listen for cues and red flags. Who knows, maybe your mind will be changed about the place. But if not, I agree interviewing is always good practice, especially if you haven’t done so in some time. They’re calling you for a reason. Because you have the right skills to offer.

      You’re not under any obligation to take the job if it’s offered. Remember a job search is a two-way street. They’re shopping, and you’re shopping for the right fit.

  151. Will's Mom*

    I have been at my current job since 2018 and so far, I have enjoyed it. I had some vague plans to retire at the end of 2021. I am truly blessed that my house is paid for and I only have 6 months to go on my car and about 8 months until my last credit card is paid off. I am also blessed in that my job is not my only source of income. Truth be known, my husband and I could live off mine and his Social Security checks and my small pension and still have a couple of hundred dollars left over each month. That leftover amount would go up by the end of this year once I pay off my last two debts.
    I have been working from home for almost a month now, and while I am grateful that I have that privilege, I have to admit that I hate every minute of it. So much so that I am seriously considering retiring at the end of May.(I chose then because my Medicare kicks in on June 1.)
    I keep going back and forth as to when I should let my boss know. My company employs about 750 people in various states (I work at the corporate office) and the nature of the business is such that once things go back to normal will more than likely flourish.

    In a recent phone meeting with my boss and grand boss and great grand boss, we were told that quite a few people had been furloughed, and while my department is essential, it may be necessary to furlough some folks in my department if this goes on for more than a couple of months.

    I and another person do the same job. We each have our accounts that we keep up with. She is a total rockstar and she is younger than me. She relies on her paycheck to live on. After the meeting I texted my boss and told her that if things got grim and if they decided to furlough one of us, to choose me. I told her that I have other sources of income and that I would be fine. She texted back that she did not want to let either of us go but she would keep it in mind if that is how things play out.

    My dilemma is that I don’t know when I should let them know of my plans. If I tell them too soon, I may get furloughed. I am not sure how they are handling health insurance, (I have heard that they are paying one month health insurance but that may be just a rumor) but I do know that they are continuing to pay the furloughed people 2/3 of their pay for two weeks. I am less concerned about pay than I am about loosing health insurance at this time. I have a chronic cough and get bronchitis at least twice a year so I am definitely in the high risk group.

    On the other hand, I don’t want to wait too long. My gut tells me to give them two weeks. That should be long enough to transition my accounts over to my counterpart. I just don’t know. I welcome any advice y’all can give me.

    1. Clementine*

      I’d suggest to just keep it open in your mind, and see around May 15 if you still feel the same way. Yes, I think two weeks is fine in the circumstances. The main thing I would be concerned about is if you quit employment right now, and change your mind later, it might be very difficult to get back into the work force. Every extra thousand right now will help your finances (from my point of view, this plan of retiring with debts makes me quail with anxiety, so I might be the wrong person to advise on this).

    2. J.B.*

      I think you have a lot of valid things to consider. I would not give more than 2 weeks notice. I would also make certain you have a solid plan for paying the debt off. I am not as concerned about the loan and credit card since you do not have a mortgage. However, is there extra money you can put towards the credit card in the next month?

      You already made the offer about furloughing, and that wouldn’t be the worst outcome. Or even you could ask for a furlough mid-May? It would probably give you some time to test drive.

      Realistically though I would expect that furlough is likely to turn into layoff, and as time goes on the 2/3 pay for two weeks will also dry up. You do honestly have the option of unemployment if furloughed (minus whatever hours the second income is). You may consider taking unemployment and using it to continue debt repayment.

    3. valentine*

      I wish you hadn’t volunteered for furlough. When they know you’re leaving, it might make sense to them to furlough your coworker and have you finalize what you can.

    4. MissDisplaced*

      So basically you want to retire just because you hate WFH? Or has this been on your mind for some time?
      Because the WFH will not last indefinitely. I think we’ll all begin going back in May or June.

      I agree that if your company is considering furlough (temporary) or layoffs (eliminating your position), and you want to volunteer for that, OK. It makes sense if you’re open to it, can afford it, and it’s going to happen anyway. You can collect unemployment and then come back to work and/or transition to retirement if you choose. Make sure you understand the difference between furlough and layoff–they are NOT the same thing! A temporary furlough will usually continue your health insurance. Layoff will not.

      If they are not going to furlough or layoff workers, I’d really suggest that you concentrate to payoff your remaining debt, and then maybe announce your intent to retire at the end of 2020 if you want it to begin sooner than your original plan of 2021 (or whenever you qualify for Medicare if you don’t now). That’s only 8 months. Really it’s not long in the scheme of things. Plus, then you’re not coming from a place of urgency caused by this pandemic, which somehow I think is the case here? Retirement should never be something you rush into, or feel pushed into, pandemic or no. I would also suggest speaking with a financial planner, they might give you a better insight into what you’ll need in retirement.

  152. Analytical Tree Hugger*

    Just looking commiseration: I was a finalist for a great job. My field is small and my niche is rare to find jobs for…and I blew the final interview. Plus some personal stuff mean the job wouldn’t have worked out anyways.

    Anyways, why is it that waiting for a for-sure rejection is almost as hard as waiting for a possible offer? Just can’t win :/

    1. Jeffrey Deutsch*

      I’ve heard of people who (were sure they) blew the interview…and still got the job. You never know.

      Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

  153. Taking a Few Months Break*

    Hi,
    I wanted to ask if it is okay for me to take a few months break from (April thru August) before I go job searching again?

    After my laid off this March, I decided that I wanted to apply for a Civil Service job in the future. The civil service job application will start in April and the committee will announce the hiring decision in August. Since there is a pandemic going on, I wanted to use this time to study for the Civil Service exam and interview. There is not much jobs hiring at this moment, and we’re not sure when the Shelter-in-Place would really end. So I am not planning on searching for other jobs until I get a rejection from the Civil Service job.

    If I don’t get the Civil service job, would it be okay if I tell my prospective employers that I took a break from April to August to study and to brush up on my skills before I start my job search again?

    Would April to August be a very large gap in my resume provided with the situation we’re experiencing right now?

    1. Reba*

      I think at this time, no future employer is going to be asking why people were out of work from March — it will look like, this is obviously a result of the pandemic. No explanation required. It’s not unusual for finding a job to take several months.

      That being said, if you are able to use the time productively, as it sounds like you will, that is a great thing to share with a potential employer. Good luck!

    2. MissDisplaced*

      Well, there are always times people have breaks between employment. 6 months is not even all that long, and given the pandemic, I doubt it would raise any alarm to see this gap. You can always explain you used the time to
      study and/or gain some other skills in your field (whatever those might be), especially if you ARE planning to apply to civil service jobs.

      I understand unemployment insurance is extended during this time. Use that time you’ve been given wisely :-)

  154. BuckyWithTheGoodHair*

    I could use some help on a job application question.
    I am applying for a position at a school (non-teaching), and there is a header in the work experience section that asks for relevant experience and experience working with children. Both my relevant experience and my experience with children goes back five years, barring a job in college where I worked at summer camp.
    My work history does go back for more than five years–should I include the retail jobs I held? They are not relevant to a school office, but they do show me being organized and taking on more responsibility.
    Should I show an office job that wasn’t at a school? If I don’t show one of the retails jobs, there would be a two year gap between it and the relevant one. (For what it’s worth, the next page has me uploading my entire resume, so they’ll get the full work history.) Also, should I include that summer camp job? It was 13 years ago. I don’t want to annoy them with too much information, but I don’t want to leave out something that might be important.
    Thanks!

    1. LD Sr. Mgr*

      I would include it all for this position. You want credit for those experiences that yielded transferable skills. During the interview, be prepared to list them and explain how they will help you successfully fulfill the new role. Good luck!

  155. ainnnymouse*

    Where I work the owner is so cheap! It was bring your own mask to work. They just implemented the mask policy this week. Which we should have been doing weeks ago. We still have no gloves or run out of them very quickly.

  156. DoctorateStrange*

    I’m a library school student. I’m going to complete my MLS by Spring 2021. It’s likely that I am entering the library field in what is a recession due to COVID-19, what is everyone’s tips about facing this?

  157. The Other Dawn*

    No question, just some complaining.

    I’ve been on medical leave from work for six weeks (back surgery) and I go back tomorrow–20 hours max, working from home (whole office is WFH right now). I can’t believe how quickly time has gone by. I was looking forward to going back since it’s been six weeks of surgery (two of them), pain meds, sitting and laying around watching the same TV shows over and over again, no driving, nowhere to go even if I could drive, napping, and just being bored. I was ready to have something else to occupy my mind.

    They reinstated my network and email access Friday afternoon. I decided to take a glance at my email and I really wish I hadn’t. It immediately gave me a sense of dread and sadness: sadness for knowing my reprieve is over, and dread for knowing I’ll have hundreds of emails to sift through, things I need to get done this week, questions to answer, and just going back to the daily grind. What made it worse was seeing several emails from this past week that were addressed to me directly and contained questions. That tells me my manager announced I’m coming back Monday, which means I already feel like I can’t ease back into work. I’ll need to just jump right in.

    I think what makes this whole dread and sadness at returning to work even worse is that I’m someone who works to live. I don’t mean I hate my job–I absolutely don’t. I actually like my job, though I don’t love it and it will never be my passion (I have no idea what my passion is and I’ve been working for almost 30 years). But I will never be someone who lives to work no matter how much I might love my job. I hate the whole having to be somewhere for five days a week, doing a certain thing for X number of hours.

    Also, I’m not looking forward to working from home for the foreseeable future. I’m just not great at working from home for more than a few days at a time and my home setup isn’t great, though I bought a few items online this past week to make it better. I knew I’d be doing it for a few weeks until I can comfortably drive to the office, which is 30 minutes away, but knowing I’ll be doing it until at least the end of May just depresses me. I think having to go back to work after six to eight weeks would be easier if I had to physically go to the office so I can separate work from home. Plus it would have been nice to see everyone, have people to chit chat with, etc. (I’m an introvert, but it doesn’t mean I don’t like to socialize with my team and other coworkers.)

    1. MissDisplaced*

      I know that feeling. I like my job (and even enjoy most of the work I do) too, but of course if I had the financial means to do something else with my life and not have to work, I would do so in a heartbeat. If it helps, know that MOST people feel exactly the same way. I mean, it’s called “work” for a reason, right. Don’t feel guilty about having that feeling. Work is not a passion, calling or life goal for the majority of people–it’s just something we do to support ourselves.

      But I think what you’re facing is kind of akin to the same dread one feels upon coming back from vacation… or from any extended time away from work. It’s a shift in what you’ve been used to. That’s OK. It’s perfectly normal. Ease yourself back into it the first week or two and aim for 1-3 small accomplishments.

      I suggest the following. First, go through your emails: sort into 1)Action or 2)No action, but don’t DO anything else-just sort. Once sorted, go through the Action ones, and jot down a list of what to follow up on. Also on Week #1 back, begin attending some meetings, but mostly just listen-in to sense what’s been going on. Next, meet with your manager and see where you might begin to help again, and/or what she would prioritize based on your Action items as you ease back in. Slowly begin ticking off the Action items. I’d say it will take a week or two just to catch back up given how long you’ve been out. Again, so NORMAL. And assuming you have a decent company and manager, they will concur this is normal upon coming back from surgery.

      It will be OK!

  158. Anonandon*

    Okay, my first time with an actual work problem.

    I recently got a new job. I had to coordinate with Another Office, and part of my job is reviewing their work. Then recently I went to a training course at the Other Office, and part of the training was an assessment to see if I could join their team. Everything went pretty good and I was quite happy.

    A few weeks later, my Boss wants to do formal feedback session. Okay. She tells me that the people at the Other Office apparently hate my guts. When I first arrived, they were apparently offended by something I said or did and they complained about me. Then when I took the class, the Other Office’s Boss came to have a face-to-face talk to my Boss about my “bad attitude, arrogance,” and other ways I must have hurt their precious feelings. Apparently I’m now PNG and they won’t accept me for any more training, and I don’t even actually know what I did wrong.

    Other Office’s Boss intended to go directly to my Grandboss to complain about me. My Boss intercepted him and told him he was being a jackass because (1) if you have a problem you talk to someone’s Supervisor, instead of going to the highest person on the chain, and (2) if you have a problem with a student you should probably … I don’t know…. tell the student what they did wrong? She told him to get lost, and I’m actually glad she stood up for me.

    Here’s the parts that really make me angry, and what I could use some advice on.

    (A) What the fuck is going on with a guy who wants to drive 26 miles across a city to complain to my Boss and Grandboss, but can’t talk to me to my face when I’m in the same room as him? My thought is that if they have a problem with me or my attitude, they should try TELLING ME what is wrong. I can’t fix my behavior if they don’t tell me what the problem is! It makes me especially angry because this was at a school, where I assumed the entire point was to learn.

    (B). I don’t know how to change my behavior, or even what I’m supposed to change. If someone doesn’t give me specific feedback or complaints, I don’t know what to do. I know that I am quiet and standoffish, precisely because I don’t trust people. And I don’t trust people because they do bullshit like this. I even told my boss, “This doesn’t help me at all, because it just confirms that I was right to distrust them in the first place.”

    TLDR version: I thought everything was great, but people I worked with hated me, refused to tell me that anything was wrong, and tried to go to Grandboss to bitch about me instead of just telling me what the problem was. Only reason they didn’t make it to Grandboss (that I know of) is because first line Boss told them they were being jackasses. I don’t fucking get it.

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