update: my coworker told HR I was interviewing and now they’re posting my job

by Alison Green on December 8, 2021

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose coworker told HR that she (the letter-writer) was interviewing and so they posted her job? Here’s the update.

I wanted to write in the moment I saw the call for updates, but I wanted to incident good news, so I waited a bit…. And OH BOY. Ok. So I’ve got SOME UPDATES for y’all. It’s A LOT.

So, before this letter was even posted, anger and emotions got the best of me and I asked my coworker exactly what she said, and exactly what she was hoping for. She said she just told HR and the president that they should try to keep me if they could. I asked her if she they had said anything else to her. She said the president called her to ask if they should try to give me a large raise than they had planned on to try to keep me, and asked if my work merited it.

I told her that by them posting my job I felt like I was going to just walk in and be fired. She said she has never seen that happen. I told her the names of those it happen to. She said they were fired because they made disparaging remarks about the company, someone overheard them, and “snitched” to the President about it. So they were confronted and fired. She said she thought to highly of me and my work to let that happen.

Later that night I got an email saying that job I had interviewed with was not going to be making any decisions right now because they were entering their busy season, but they would keep me in mind and get back to me in a month or so. That seemed expected since I had applied for a job that wasn’t “official” available, it was more of a “friend of a friend referral.”

The next day I took your advice and told my current job that I was not hired for the new job, and that I would be staying. My coworker actually squealed joy at that. She also told me she knew I was upset, but she was too happy to care. The online posing for my job stayed up for several days before they finally took it down.

Over the next few months the job I interviewed with and I stayed in contact. I would email in asking if they had any updates and they said not yet. I interviewed at a few other jobs as well, but none of them ended up working out.

Then, three months later the job I interviewed with called me back asking if I could come in for another interview with a few other people in the office. It went AMAZING. One week later, the offered me the job.

When I went to talk to HR and put my notice in, asking what I needed to do to get my vacation payout. She said they would pay out my “accrued” vacation if I worked out a two weeks notice. I agreed to that, and then asked a follow up question via email, and she let me know that what was showing online that I had available wasn’t correct so instead of the 27hrs, they were going to payout…. 3 hours.

My coworker took my notice HARD. She was on jury duty and working from home the day I put my notice in so I texted her. (I had only texted her one other time about a work matter, this was not a common occurrence.) But I wanted to make sure she heard it from me. She never responded. When she came back to the office, she was almost in tears about losing me.

The next few days while trying to find a transition plan for my duties, we got to talking. At this point in my mind, I had nothing to lose so I told her all of it. She said she knew the company might react badly to my initial leaving, but she really wanted to keep me around. She also apologized for the way everything went down, and she said that she knew by betraying my trust and going to HR to begin with, that she wouldn’t get any more information from me about it. She also said she was upset to be losing the one person she knows she can count on. She told me how much she wants me to text her all sorts of updates on my life.

I reminded her of all the things that this company had done. That their first message about the COVID shutdowns was a company wide email that said “I spoke to our lawyers and they said we have a case to stay open so we won’t be shutting down” and they only allowed salaried people (aka managers) to work from home and everyone else had to come in. That I got written up for going home sick with a migraine. That we went through 4 HR reps on the two and a half years that I was there and I never knew who was supposed to approve anything. The one thing I didn’t tell her, was that when I was moving to her department, MULTIPLE people who heard I was moving there, told me in no uncertain terms that if I wanted to succeed, I needed to stay on her good side. I had spent my whole time there making sure that she saw me as an asset because of it. It has been FREEING to leave her and that place in my rearview.

Most amusingly, the President NEVER SPOKE TO ME ABOUT THIS. He didn’t say anything. Never met with me, never emailed, never said anything the one time he passed me in the hallway. I think if he had taken the time to actually talk to me, rather than passing messages back and forth through HR, this whole thing might have a different ending.

I’ve been at my new job almost two weeks now. It’s a steep learning curve at my new job. But the coworkers at this job are amazing. The owners of this company VALUE their employees. It is an amazing place to be compared to where I was. It’s a small business that certainly has its own quirks as well, but I will work for a company that cares about its employees over being a cog in a much larger machine any day.

Today I got a text from her asking how my new job is going and letting me know how much she misses me. I don’t plan on answering that.

Lastly, I thank everyone who commented, I read ALL OF THEM. And thank you Alison for the advice. :)

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    1. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      Agreed. OP may not have followed up with the company if coworker hadn’t forced her into a corner. Coworker was hoisted by her own petard.
      Sorry about them screwing you out of vacation time, OP, but good on you for not replying to coworker. Nope the hell out of the whole mess.

      2. Still breathing*

        I know it looks like she was screwed out of the vacay time, but we have had people misunderstand our system all the time so I wanted to mention it.
        Our system shows a total of four different lines for PTO – Actual Annual, Annual, Actual Sick, and Sick. When the new leave year starts all of the time you will earn that year gets added to Annual or Sick (hundreds of hours) depending on type. As the pay periods progress, the (less than 10) hours you earned last pay period get added to your Actual. If you take time off both lines are reduced. So she could have had 27 hours available to her through the end of the year, but only 3 of it might have been earned and not used through the end of her notice.

        1. Bibliovore*

          That sounds entirely plausible for what happened to OP, but it doesn’t sound like a great system. Beyond apparently being quite misleading for many people, it’s also potentially inaccurate. For instance, OP was hourly and not salaried; would annual accrual vary if number of hours changed due to, say, pandemic cutbacks or overtime, or for someone who needed to take some time off for family medical leave or short-term disability? What about companies that give vacation time based on how long an employee has been with the company, e.g. one rate for employees of less than five years and more for those who’ve worked there longer; would the “Annual” listing take any mid-year changes like that into account?

          1. Lab Boss*

            My company uses a similar system- I can’t speak to Still Breathing’s employer but this is how we make it work. I actually like the system a lot- it’s communicated well to the employees and it gives us a lot of freedom. Especially when I was new and not getting much PTO it was nice to be able to use up a lot in the summer (when our fiscal year starts) rather than being PTO-poor in prime vacation time.

            – All “PTO” is in one bank, sick and vacation are all in the same pot.

            – All employees get an allotment of PTO at the start of our fiscal year. Hourly workers don’t “accrue over time,” they get an allotment on the first day of the year just like salaried workers. Because nothing is tied to specific hours worked, there’s no need to account for hours changes/sick time/FMLA/disability leave

            – We do give more PTO based on seniority, but it doesn’t take effect mid-year. When you’re hired you get a pro-rated amount of PTO based on how much time is left in the fiscal year. Then the first time you’re working there at the start of the fiscal year, you get the standard First Year PTO amount. Each subsequent year your start-of-year PTO amount is a little higher.

            – It’s not line items on our checks, but they do keep track of our “accrued” PTO. If my allotment this year were 120 hours I would be accruing 10 hours per month. If I used 8 hours in the first 2 months of the fiscal year and then quit, I would get paid out for the remaining 12 hours I had truly accrued, not for the remaining 112 hours I had available. I believe if you quit when you’re at a PTO deficit your final check may be docked, but I’m not 100% sure on that (that is, if I’d taken 24 hours in those first 2 months, my last check would be docked the 4 hours I had taken but not yet accrued).

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Yup – boundaries apparently didn’t exist at that place, and when combined with a manager who is known for “needing to be kept appeased” – ugh, it’s the total house of bees. Congrats on finding a new job, keep enjoying the growth.

      2. LinuxSystemsGuy*

        That’s the thing though, coworker wasn’t her manager. Apparently the President of the company “managed” the two person department (very hands-offedly). One of LW’s concerns in the original letter was that she didn’t have a supervisor. In fact, one of my favorite bits here is that HR wanted to know “why she wanted a supervisor”. She gave some answers that were good, but here’s the best answer of all:

        “ She said the president called her to ask if they should try to give me a large raise than they had planned on to try to keep me, and asked if my work merited it.”

        So her supposed manager (the President) called her coworker to see if her work was up to getting a raise. That right there is why she needed a supervisor.

        1. Smithy*

          Ufffff. Absolutely.

          I’ve worked in small places where I was technically managed by the Executive Director, but my work was heavily evaluated by another colleague. For the most part, it wasn’t a problem. But when it was a problem, it was entirely because the person who had the greatest impact on my daily work life (not the ED) was at odds with the ED’s view of my work. If those pain paints had taken up larger parts of my life….I jut don’t even want to imagine.

    2. Cat Lady*

      No kidding. Liking your coworker and being upset when they leave is one thing (crying might even be warranted, depending on how close you two are) but people leave jobs. It’s a fact of life. Trying to stop those changes by going behind someone’s back to HR or guilt-tripping them is never EVER warranted.

      1. allathian*

        Absolutely. You wish them well, and if both of you are interested in remaining friends, continue to keep in touch. I enjoy the company of many of my coworkers while we work together, but I admit that for me, work friendships are situational, and most of the time I don’t care to stay in touch once someone leaves (I’ve been in my current job for 14 years, so I don’t know how I’d react if I changed jobs). I’m not on any social media, either, unless you count WhatsApp, so I’m not easy to find unless you have my private phone number or email.

  3. Marillenbaum*

    Woo, boy! That woman sounds…like a lot. That is about as charitably as I can put it. I am thrilled for you that you got out of that Workplace Full of Evil Bees. Congratulations!

      2. I Am Your Grandmother*

        One of the best letters ever!!! Have re-read and forwarded links to friends several times. I think I’ll read it again!!

  5. Hills to Die On*

    I wonder if OP ever got the other 24 hours of PTO they were promised?
    Also, this coworker is giving me a headache with all of that…enthusiasm.

    1. HotSauce*

      That alone tells me that OP was wise to get out. I’ve worked for companies like that in the past, always trying to nickel & dime their employees & wondering why people don’t stay.

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        Yup – spouse worked at a place where that sort of PTO game was just the tip of the dysfunctional HR iceberg. Working people till they burned out was also part of their playbook. Spouse stayed in the field, but with a different organization now, old job has been through six, count them six replacements for spouse in ten years.

        Oh – and they nitpicked and took all of the vacation pay-out when spouse left claiming nonsense about not getting back an office chair (that the Dept manager told him not to return).

        1. CalypsoSummer*

          I worked (briefly) at a place at which the owner’s wife contemptuous informed me that she could hire a dozen people right off the streets that would be as good as, if not better, than the people currently employed.

          Then, when I got a better job and left shortly thereafter, she was angry about it because I was “ungrateful.”

          I never did bother to ask what I was supposed to be “grateful” for —

      2. Ess in Tee*

        Oh yes, this right here. My previous company had me on a roll-over contract for years that gave me only 2/3 of the vacation time I was legally entitled to as per the laws of the country I live in. When I pushed back, I got talked over and, if someone else was nearby, effectively shushed. I was already looking for new work, but this ended up being the straw that broke the camel’s back.

        When I mentioned this to a manager I was helping transition into some of my duties*, he called me “bitter.” Thanks, man.

        *because of course they didn’t replace me, just diffused my duties to colleagues with already full plates

    2. londonedit*

      I know the answer to this is usually ‘yes’, but is it even legal for them not to pay the OP for the holiday they’ve accrued? It would 100% absolutely be illegal here.

      1. Adam V*

        I think California has a law making it illegal (which is why many large California companies went with the “unlimited PTO” idea), but in most places I believe PTO is basically at the discretion of companies so they wouldn’t have to pay it out. (IANAL, etc.)

        1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

          Right, but they’re not saying “we’re not paying accrued time,” they’re saying “your records are wrong and you haven’t accrued that much time to be paid out, we’re only paying out the time that OUR records say you’ve accrued.”

      2. Antilles*

        Yes.
        In most of the US, there’s no laws regarding PTO period – it’s all up to the company’s discretion. There’s plenty of companies that won’t even pay out accumulated PTO if you’re fired, much less if you leave voluntarily.

      3. Anononon*

        There could potentially maybe possibly be a case if the company has a written, current policy regarding paying out PTO, and their actions are violating it, but unfortunately the time, effort, and cost of collecting it may not be worth it.

      4. generic_username*

        I wonder if she hadn’t actually accrued the 27 hours yet. My husband’s company dumps all of their annual vacation into their bank at the beginning of the fiscal year and they can take it before they’ve technically accrued it (meaning they may end up owing the company money for the time if they leave before it gets fully accrued; this is coming up for us right now because he’s considering leaving in the new year and will have used a lot of vacation for the holidays and might not have fully accrued it so he’ll get a short paycheck). I could see how that may cause confusion if that’s what was going on with OP – her bank says 27 hours because she can take that, but when she left she had only actually accrued 3 hours of it.

        Regardless, as others have said, it’s up to the company in most states

      5. NeutralJanet*

        Assuming that OP is in the USA, it depends on the state—some states don’t require that PTO be paid out at all, so they can pay as little of her PTO as they like, but some states do require that PTO be paid out, and I’d imagine that in those states this might not be legal, though it would probably lead to a battle given how unreasonable the company is. I wouldn’t blame OP at all if she just decided to move on, though—the amount of money she’d get for the extra 24 hours may not be worth the headache of fighting this company.

      6. anonymous73*

        I got my law degree watching L&O, but if there is a written policy AND you have some sort of documented proof of how much vacation you’ve accrued vs. taken, then you could have some sort of legal recourse. But unless you have a ton of unused vacation, it’s probably not even worth the time, effort or cost to try and sue the company.

      7. LinuxSystemsGuy*

        It’s generally not legal in the US, but I don’t know the rules in every state. I’d guess it’s illegal everywhere, but can’t say for sure. That said, they didn’t refuse to pay accrued vacation, they just claimed it wasn’t accrued. Also not legal but a lot harder to prove/fight.

        She’d probably win a lawsuit, but is it worth it for half a week’s pay? Hard to say.

      8. Candi*

        It’s a state/country law thing whether it’s illegal or not. If the state has laws considering vacation time part of legal compensation, not paying it out could be illegal. It’s one of those “talk to an employment lawyer to be sure” things.

        If it is illegal, it’s Dept of Labor territory. Even if a person doesn’t intend to pursue a case, getting the company’s antics into the DoL’s files helps them build a record.

    3. Need More Sunshine*

      Yes this pissed me right off for OP! I would have (politely) demanded documentation about why the other 24 hours were being removed and watch them flounder.

    4. Generic Name*

      Since the employer reneged on the vacation time payout, I hope the OP shortened their notice period accordingly.

      1. anonymous73*

        They may have tried to dock her pay if she did that. I wouldn’t put it past that batshit crazy HR lady to jerry rig the system to make it look like she used more vacation than she earned so they could take money out of her last check.

    5. TiffIf*

      I was thinking about the 27 hours is really 3 hours PTO thing.

      At my company, you are given your PTO for the year in one lump at the beginning of each year but technically you actually accrue it per pay period. If you leave part way through the year, they do a full PTO payout *of the hours you would have accrued to that point* (plus any rollover from the prior year-they allow up to 40 hours per year to rollover) but that is not the same number as appears in our HR system. Akin to this, if you leave the company and you have used PTO in excess of what you would have accrued to that point, you actually owe the company back. This is all explicitly spelled out in the employee handbook.

      It is possible that OP’s company has a similar policy–and that is a legitimate explanation for the payout being different than the hours showing available but it is also possible that the company is just crappy and nickle-and -diming OP.

  6. Sara without an H*

    Hi, OP! Seconding Keymaster of Gozer: block your former co-worker on your phone. You should probably do a review of your social media accounts and make sure she’s locked out of those as well.

    Congratulations on your new position. Here’s to a better and happier 2022 for you!

    1. WFH is all I Want*

      Yes! I second this. I go on the offensive and block the coworkers and former coworkers that I never want to interact with in my personal life. If they can’t find me to “friend/follow/connect with me” then I don’t feel like I’m burning a bridge or potentially setting up an issue further down the road if our paths do cross again.

      1. Carol the happy elf*

        A coworker has a sign on his wall that says, “Get off my bridge; I’m about to burn it!”.
        The cartoon is a wild-eyed guy with a flame thrower, and a bunch of zombies standing on a tall bridge.
        (I snuck it out of its mandatory frame and made copies, then put it back in upside down.)

        3. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          One of mine has a picture of a contented dragon picking his teeth sitting next to a pile of smoking armor and bones. Caption “do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste delightful with ketchup.”
          I not so secretly want a copy.

    2. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      Definitely look after your digital security. She sounds like she might get angry when you don’t give her life updates.

    3. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      Have to say kooky coworkers like this are yet another reason that I’m not on social media.

      1. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

        Bizarre coworkers I can handle, obsessive ones I can’t! Anyway all my FB posts are locked down to friends only and even then they’re boring unless you love pictures of my cat.

        My phone number on the other hand…that has a loooong block list.

        1. The Smiling Pug*

          I just don’t like the blending of work/life that having coworkers as FB friends can lead to. And I can count on one hand the amount of people that have my phone number. And none of them are coworkers, either former or current.

    4. The Smiling Pug*

      Yes, I agree! Please block this coworker, just in case. This is also another reason why I don’t give coworkers my personal number.

  9. Tinselgarland*

    Dollars to Donuts, dear co-worker is the one who ratted to HR about people complaining about the company.

    I advise no further contact.

    1. londonedit*

      Yeah, ‘someone’ snitched to the president of the company and the people were fired…I wonder who that could have been!

      2. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        Hmmmm – agree, they way she phrased that comment makes for a fairly small suspect list for the snitch.

    2. AE*

      Evil Schadenfreude Me would be tempted to send one last text gushing about how much better my new situation is, and then block her, but indeed, simply no further contact as you suggest is the wisest. No real use in poking the Evil Bee Hive, even if you are out of stinging range.

    4. Observer*

      And this is one of the few situations where I think that the words “snitched”, “ratted” or “tattled” applies.

    6. Trillian*

      Yes, all sugar to your face, all stabby at your back. Keep out of your work networks too, AND any of her BFFs.

  10. Seriously?*

    “Someone” overheard those other employees say something and ratted then out, which lead to their firings. Jeepers! I wonder who that someone was?!

    1. Autumnheart*

      “But I totally asked them to keep YOU. That’s why I went directly to the president and HR when I found out! I don’t know why they posted your job! I would be devastated if you left!”

      Yeah right, BYE. I wouldn’t even have that person as a contact on my Linkedin. They need to be quarantined from your entire career.

  12. I Herd the Cats*

    I spent some time thinking about this. I work in a fairly close-knit company including a lot of us who are friends outside of work, and we … never discuss whether we’re looking for another job. I wouldn’t have a clue until HR made an announcement that X was leaving for a position elsewhere. I tried to think about WHY this is. For me, it feels like a burden to others (a secret.) Second, it’s within a larger nonprofit community/mission where people move around in similar jobs with other orgs and agencies etc. we work with, and sometimes even come back to their original company, so I think we have a lot of “keep it all on the down low” going on.

    1. anonymous73*

      I’ve told friends who I trusted about looking for a new job in the past. It even helped me get hired once. I was a temp to perm contractor who received nothing but praise and kept being told that they wanted to hire me. But it was taking a lot longer than I was initially told, so I started looking. Word got back to my boss and I was hired very quickly. Apparently a manager was trying to keep me from getting hired (I barely knew her so I never did find out why).

  13. Amethystmoon*

    I’ve learned the hard way to never tell coworkers anything that you don’t also want your boss to find out. Even if you think you can trust them, sometimes they will surprise you.

    1. Marzipan Shepherdess*

      And even if they DON’T go running to the boss to tell them what you said, there’s always a chance that your “confidential” information will be spilled anyway. People talk, other people overhear them and not everyone is scrupulous about not repeating gossip (to put it mildly!) Don’t say or write anything at work that you wouldn’t want to turn up in your personnel file or repeated to your boss!

      1. Candi*

        And some people are really, really bad at keeping secrets, especially if they’re not told directly it should be kept secret. (shamefully raises hand) They often feel really bad they let it spill, but that doesn’t mitigate the damage. Better not to loop them in unless needed.

        (I’ve gotten better. I’ve found it helps if I can completely put the situation out of mind.)

  14. CouldntPickAUsername*

    “she let me know that what was showing online that I had available wasn’t correct so instead of the 27hrs”

    ‘funny, the labor board will say 27. are we clear?’

    1. Selina Luna*

      Not all states in the US require payout for vacation days, unfortunately. If the OP is located somewhere that doesn’t, they are basically out of luck with the labor board.

        1. Librarian of SHIELD*

          If the state you’re in has a law that requires unused vacation time to be paid out upon resignation, then yes, that law would overrule any company policy to the contrary.

          But if you’re talking about the states where there aren’t any laws about this, then the absence of a law would mean the company policy dictates whether or not unused vacation gets paid out. Even in states that don’t require vacation payout, people have still successfully sued or filed wage claims when the company policy says leave is paid out but the company refused to do it.

          1. fhqwhgads*

            My understanding is that some states don’t have laws that say accrued vacation must be paid out, but do have laws that say, essentially, “if you have a company policy that says you will, you must”.

        2. Candi*

          State (city/county/parish/federal) law always trumps a company’s policy in the US. That’s why a tool of bad management is making sure people don’t know the law, their rights, or their resources.

  15. Antilles*

    “I told her the names of those it happen to. She said they were fired because they made disparaging remarks about the company, someone overheard them, and “snitched” to the President about it.”
    Pretty amazing coincidence that every single fired employee just so happened to be making disparaging remarks, and also in every single instance, the company found out about said remarks shortly after the company learned about job searching. Nothing suspicious here, no way, clearly a shocking coincidence!
    Of course, the other ironic part is that even if by some miracle that was true…what does it say about your company that every single departing employee feels the need to rip the place on the way out?

    1. Gel Pen Destroyer*

      Also a pretty amazing coincidence that this person just happened to know the details of every single one of those cases! I wonder what the common denominator could possibly be! Insert massive eyeroll here.

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        And that this person also had a company reputation of being “someone to keep really happy” if you want to keep your job (or keep it low-stress). Yeah, I think it’s a very short list of suspects for the snitch.

      2. Dark Macadamia*

        I love that she claims she’s never heard of anyone getting fired unexpectedly, but also knows the details behind all the unexpected firings. HMMMMMMMM

    2. Dramatic Intent to Flounce*

      Someone who OP was warned to stay on her good side, too. But a total coincidence, I’m sure. She was completely uninvolved.

      Block with confidence, OP.

  16. Clefairy*

    I’m SO GLAD YOU GOT OUT!!!

    At a previous job, I was promoted from an assistant manager role to a general manager for a brand new location that, for various reasons, they wanted to build into their flagship. It was decided that this location was SO IMPORTANT that instead of reporting to a regional manager (like all other GMs) I would report to the VP of the company. It essentially turned into me, the most junior and inexperienced GM, trying to run the biggest/most important location, without any sort of guidance or leadership. Anytime I reached out to VP, she was too busy to actually help me or give me guidance. I had multiple nervous breakdowns, not even exaggerating, because the pressure was so high and I was getting no support (but getting lots of flak for not running things perfectly). A regional manager took pity on me and became my “unofficial” boss, and while it helped a lot to have someone that would actually respond to my emails and phone calls, it was too little, too late. All that to say I 100% validate you on what a nightmare situation is to not have a supervisor and be forced to report to the President/VP/high ranking executive who doesn’t have the time of day for you when others at your same level have actual supervisors! I’m literally SO happy for you that you got out of that horrible situation!!

    1. Candi*

      Hmmm…. I wonder if you got caught in a political conflict there, of people who wanted the location to succeed, and those who wanted it to fail. Totally spitballing, but sticking the greenest GM into a very important position, but also giving them someone super important to report too? It feels like a total tug of war, way above your paygrade.

      1. Antilles*

        Yeah, there’s definitely way more going on here.
        If the company was truly and honestly committed to building a brand new location into a flagship store, they’d have gone through the list of existing GM’s and grabbed the most successful one who was willing to transfer/relocate – rather than throwing someone totally green into the deep end of the pool and betting the “flagship store” on whether you sink-or-swim.

  17. A Simple Narwhal*

    WOOF what a ride, I’m so glad you got out! Congrats on the new job, hope it continues to be awesome!

    Also wondering about how HR managed to weasel their way out of paying the full vacation payout, but maybe OP considers that an acceptable price to pay to be completely rid of them.

    1. Empress Matilda*

      Yeah, I would file that under “the cheapest way to pay for things is with money.” OP shouldn’t have to of course, and they should absolutely get those other 24 days – but on the other hand I imagine it would be an absolute nightmare to get it out of them. I would absolutely take the 3 days and leave the rest, if it meant I never had to speak to any of these lunatics again.

      1. A Simple Narwhal*

        I think it was only (“only”) 24 hours of vacation that got stolen, so three days. If it was 24 days I might consider putting up a fight, that would be a ~month of pay! But for three days I agree, consider that an easy sacrifice to never have to deal with them again.

        1. Empress Matilda*

          Oops, yes – the vacation payout was hours, not days! That makes the decision even easier, in that case. Take the money and run!

  20. Bookworm*

    Oh my goodness, OP. Your co-worker has, as many people have already said, many boundary issues. And yeah, so glad it did work out and you’re out of there because that is…whoa.

    Happy that you’re happier, OP! Thanks for writing and updating us!

  21. The Smiling Pug*

    Glad you got out of there, OP! This co-worker has some serious boundary issues and may 2022 be happier.

  22. animaniactoo*

    Yay! For being out of there.

    You probably have a bunch of dysfunctional coping strategies to undo, and that mix I would place a word of caution Think about what you feel is necessary to stay on someone’s good side. Because I think you only told not because it was “owed” because of all the training work, etc. – but because you felt you had to stay on her good side. And… well… that created a lot of unnecessary drama in between. Which is probably predictable if you think about the fact that this is someone who causes enough drama that it is necessary to “stay on her good side” to survive working with her.

    If you think about it from that perspective – this is somebody you tell once you have an offer you are accepting BEFORE you tell HR. Not when you go on an interview that they never need to know happens because it may not pan out. It’s okay to protect yourself by limiting what you tell and you don’t owe the head’s up for something that’s nowhere near certain. No matter how helpful someone has been, or how much they rely on you.

  23. Jack Straw from Wichita*

    I haven’t even looked at the update part yet, but when I read this: “And OH BOY. Ok. So I’ve got SOME UPDATES for y’all. It’s A LOT.” it was followed by so much gleeful clapping!

  24. WellRed*

    Since the Boss and he never approached OP us it a safe bet they didn’t also ask the coworker for advice on how to keep her (which was a whole other level of wtf).

    1. Candi*

      I honestly wonder how much of what coworker told OP about the president doing or not doing this or that was true. I’ve heard of workplaces where staff keep the higherups shielded from the “discontent” of the lower ranks, and lie both ways about what each layer is really saying.

  26. Thin mints didn't make me thin*

    Embroider a fancy floral hanging with “F__ around and find out” and send it to her anonymously.

  27. Jack Straw from Wichita*

    I can’t get over the number of instances where Coworker said: “I know you’re [valid emotion], but I don’t care because [selfish reason].”

    She literally said she does not care about you and her feelings are more important. Do not respond to that text. You don’t need that in your life.

    1. Your Local Password Resetter*

      I know right?
      How does somebody say “I know you’re upset but I’m too happy to care” and not sink into the ground with shame and humiliation. From someone who claims they care about you.

      Block that person out of your life in any way you can.

  29. Falling Diphthong*

    She said they were fired because they made disparaging remarks about the company, someone overheard them, and “snitched” to the President about it.

    The calls are coming from inside the house, OP!!

  30. RB*

    But what about the vacation pay?? That is a lot of money you are missing out on. It’s not too late to follow up on that. They probably do really owe it to you if the system is showing 27 hours as your accrued amount. They would at least need to explain how the error occurred and how they calculated the “correct” amount of three hours.

    1. Observer*

      I’m going to agree that if the OP can afford it, the should just leave it. It’s worth their sanity to make a clean break with these folks.

    2. CalypsoSummer*

      It’s three days. In the overall picture, it’s barely visible. I’d sacrifice a lot more to get out of that pit of poison bees, and OP waving it off is an excellent decision on her part.

      1. Mannequin*

        I do agree that OP should not pursue this at the expense of their peace of mind or mental health, but if it does violate the laws in their state/locality, I hope they at least consider reporting it to the Labor Board/whatever the official agency that oversees that kind of stuff in their area is, so it’s on record.

  31. ENFP in Texas*

    “She told me how much she wants me to text her all sorts of updates on my life.”

    I know you want me to text you, but I don’t care because I’m so happy that I’m leaving.

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