my coworker tried to film her pregnancy announcement and now there is chaos

by Alison Green on January 13, 2022

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes:

So this is an enragingly dumb breach of basic manners and I need to know I’m not crazy. I’m technically in an executive role but I don’t have authority over people, just finances, but I was told I should have “acted like a better manager” during this whole fracas. I kind of can’t believe someone would do something like this, especially since our office finally got 100% vaxxed (group decision, everyone pulled together, very cool) and we’ve had to be so careful about even breathing near one another for the last two years.

My coworker, “Jessie,” is pregnant and decided she wanted to film a reaction video announcement telling everyone in our office. This is a marketing firm, but we’re a small satellite office so corporate encourages us to do a lot of “meet the staff” and “it’s Tiffany’s Birthday” type sharing posts to attract clients. We’ve had problems before with the higher-ups encouraging some oversharing, and just a LOT of bad personal boundaries in the office. I feel like this inspired Jessie and another coworker, “Daniela,” to do this pregnancy announcement by tossing people a positive pregnancy test so they could film the reactions.

Two quick things:

A positive pregnancy test is a used pregnancy test, which means it was urinated on. I used to be a lab tech before I made a career switch so yes, even if it was wiped down with the cap on, it still has urine on it, and if it was a test from home that she brought with her it, bacteria and other unpleasantness could be incubating inside the plastic.

We just spent two years disinfecting our mail.

Jessie started by tossing the used pregnancy test to “Abby,” who flung it when she realized what it was and yelled “oh gross,” which got a lot of people’s attention and “ruined” Jessie’s announcement. It’s kind of office knowledge that Abby is a germophobe so while part of me gets that Jessie was excited and maybe didn’t think things through, the rest of me feels like this was a really unfair position to put Abby in, along with all the other staff she was planning to throw a used peed-on pregnancy test at.

Jessie and Daniela got super upset and offended and everyone in the cubicle block started arguing. Because there were no managers or HR on site that day, and I would be the next “ranking” executive, I stepped in and defused the situation as best I could.

I pulled Jessie and Daniela aside and congratulated Jessie. But here’s the part everyone’s mad at. I told them it’s never okay to hand someone something they urinated on, regardless of if they wiped it down and put the cap back on it. I said we’re excited for Jessie but that wasn’t okay and to throw the test out or take it home.

By the time the managers and HR got back in office, they were told multiple versions of the whole thing. For the record, they’re also all men. I got called in to explain what I saw. HR told me they’re considering disciplinary actions for Abby and anybody else who “reacted poorly” unless they publicly apologize to Jessie. I told them that was a terrible idea and, not knowing what else to do, I called corporate HR and relayed the situation to our female head of HR, outlining what I saw, who said what, and the low-level bullying that Abby’s been subjected to now. (If someone asks Jessie about her pregnancy and she knows Abby’s in earshot, she’ll say loudly, “Oh, well I guess my baby is GROSS according to SOME PEOPLE.”) Corporate HR (which is separate from our on-site HR) was horrified and put out a company-wide memo about keeping bodily fluids to yourself.

Nobody’s really doing anything about how badly Abby’s getting bullied, and several of us (me included) are still being encouraged to write Jessie an apology letter, which I won’t do. I get that a lot of people feel like they need to perform for social media, but I’m still stuck on the science and the double standard of it all. If I threw anything with my urine or bodily fluids on it other than a pregnancy test at coworker, people would be livid. So I guess my question is: WTF do I do?

Readers?

Read an update to this letter here. 

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    1. CB212*

      100% legit response to having a pee-stick thrown at you, that’s disgusting. Jessie should lead the apology chain.

      1. Campfire Raccoon*

        Agree. Abby deserves an apology, bullying needs to be addressed staff-wide, (and in the moment if possible), and Jessie needs a reality check. I am not a germaphobe, but if someone tossed a pee-stick at me I would unconsciously pitch it right back at the tosser’s face. Jessie got off easy.

        1. JustaTech*

          Honestly when people at work have unexpectedly tossed things at me I’ve either 1) dodged and let whatever it was hit the flor or 2) deflected it back at them. And those were things you’d be expected to throw, like foam footballs! (I did eventually confiscate my coworker’s football after he startled me with it one too many times.)

          I don’t know why Jessie thought that everyone would cheerfully catch the random thing she threw at them (not everyone’s got brilliant hand-eye coordination) and then be happy that it was a pee’d on stick.

          1. Just Another Techie*

            I am delighted that no one at any workplace I’ve ever been in has ever thrown anything at me. Even a nerf football, I’d be appalled to have thrown at me when I’m at my desk trying to concentrate.

            1. Bmunroe*

              As someone who has been trying for a baby for a long time, if someone threw a pregnancy test at me and filmed my reaction, it would not be good..! You have to have some awareness of other people and how they feel.

              1. Tess*

                Right! I tried for a while in my 30s (happily kid-free now a decade later), as my workplace peers were getting pregnant left and right. I was always happy for them, didn’t mind office baby showers or whatnot, but 1) it is easy to be happy and excited for people when they are not obnoxiously demanding that response, and 2) I totally get why some people in my position might have struggled more with it. Flinging one’s pregnancy test at a coworker is some emotional ick and way inappropriate even before factoring that it involves, you know, your urine, at the office. Flinging one’s new engagement ring would be emotional ick too. Because not everyone feels the same way about those life milestones, or experiences them at the same time or in the same way or at all, and your coworkers may have pain or loss around them that you know nothing about.

                You can be happy about something in your life without being all HEY EVERYONE DROP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND FEEL MY HAPPINESS NOW THIS IS AN ORDER about it.

                1. Zelda*

                  Your last paragraph captures the part of this that I was having trouble putting into words. I mean, Jessie is wilfully misunderstanding the objection here, with all the “I guess my baby is GROSS” snide BS.

                2. Marmot*

                  I just need everyone to know that in the context of the OP’s question, I initially read the phrase as “workplace pee-ers”

                  Thank you for that

                4. Lucy Skywalker*

                  It’s like the trend of “prom proposals” in high schools that started about 10 years ago. Some schools even have a contest for the most creative prom proposal, which makes me cringe. Asking someone to the prom is nerve-racking enough; now teens are expected to make it a performance for everyone to watch! Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if you planned this elaborate show, only for your crush to turn you down? And think about how awful it’s going to appear to the unpopular geeky kids who can’t get a prom date. (Yeah, I was one of those geeks in high school.)

                5. Good Vibes Steve*

                  I’ve been struggling with getting pregnant, and whenever there is a baby announcement in the office, I put a brave smile on, share congratulations, and then discreetly excuse myself to the bathroom so I can let my sad out for a minute. I would not be able to perform happiness on this level.
                  I get that my struggles should not impact anyone else’s ability to share their joy, but there is a level of sensitivity and care that must be respected.

              2. Krabby*

                Oh my gosh, so much this! My husband and I tried for 3 years before finally being successful, and pregnancy tests STILL make me emotional because they bring back up all that hope and dread and disappointment. If this had been done to me during that time I would have had a full on emotional breakdown, nevermind the grossness factor of it.

                1. Kathy*

                  YES. I have so much trauma from my years of infertility and losses. This would have sent me into a full meltdown.

                2. anycat*

                  this 100%. especially as someone who had to sit through a baby shower for 4 people at once while prepping to go through IVF…

                3. Boston Area Mom*

                  8 years of trying. Have a miracle “rainbow baby” who’s 4 years old now.

                  The pregnancy was high risk and honestly I thought both me and my daughter were going to die.

                  Dear god. I would not have a positive reaction to anyone throwing a pregnancy test at me – even if it was a clueless friend.
                  A co-worker doing that?!!! GTFO

              3. bowl of petunias*

                Yes, holy crap, if anyone had done this to me anywhere near either of my two early pregnancy losses I would have been a howling mess.

              4. nomnom*

                Ooff. This is exactly where my mind went – I flinched as soon as I started to read the story, assuming that this is where it was going to go. You have no idea what is going in the lives of the people you work with (miscarriage, infertility, not wanting kids and tired of being hassled about it, wanting kids but don’t have the relationship / finances in place, etc). It takes very little self-awareness to realize what a bad idea this was. I’d go straight back to corporate HR and request that they step in more aggressively. Also, take Abby out for a coffee, and let her know you see what’s happening and have her back.

                1. CountryLass*

                  Even as someone who struggled through IVF, I didn’t even consider that part, I was too focused on the YOU THREW YOUR USED PEE-STICK AT SOMEONE!
                  It’s like the thing I saw on social media recently where the woman wiped down her positive pregnancy test and put it under her partner’s dessert… Then got upset when he was grossed out! I mean, he literally ate it until he found the test… How he wasn’t sick I will never know…

              5. Turtles All The Way Down*

                Agreed. My husband and I are now pursuing surrogacy, and I imagine that even if that’s successful, I’ll always have complicated emotions around other people’s pregnancies.

              6. Traci*

                This. Right. Here! We’ve been trying for over a decade. I cannot be near a conversation about pregnancy without flashing back to miscarriages and lots of pain so I bow out. In church, at work, in line at the grocery store… I duck out. If it had been flung at me… no one would like the outcome.

            2. Suz*

              I used to have a coworker who kept a trebuchet at his desk to launch fun size candy bars at people. But he always asked if you wanted some candy before he fired it at you.

              1. SeluciaMD*

                I personally find this charming and delightful and would be so entertained by it! (But understand completely why others might not.)

                2. CountryLass*

                  Sounds fun, as long as he asked and there was a warning cry given in case he missed, like ‘fore’ in golf. Maybe “chocs ho!”?

              4. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

                I have a desk catapult and yeah, I never launched anything at anyone without knowing they were cool with it.

                3. SyFyGeek*

                  But reading this:
                  company-wide memo about keeping bodily fluids to yourself
                  has absolutely made my day!

              1. Jules the 3rd*

                Hi! Either you’re the person diagonal to me when we’re in the cube farm, or two of us have nice coworkers! I like it too.

                But he would never never never throw a used pregnancy test.

              2. MsMaryMary*

                I had a coworker who would throw office supplies (post-it pad, pen) at me when she was on a particularly bananas phone call and wanted me to listen so we could laugh later. We were friends, it was fine.

                1. Amethyst*

                  Same! My coworkers (I’m guilty of this, too) are known to throw paper clips at each other. Once I threw a clip at a coworker’s back (she’d thrown it at me on her way to the printer) & it landed squarely on the back of her neck before dropping straight down her shirt. She squealed. I was doubled over in wheezy laughter.

                  I couldn’t have thrown it better if I’d tried.

            4. Nightengale*

              My balance is terrible and I have a big startle reflex. Throw something at me and I am likely to startle and then fall. Even from a chair. I can’t think of anyone at work throwing something “at” me but definitely attempts to throw things “to” me which has the same effect. Me + floor.

          2. Shhh*

            Right, if I were Abby, my reaction would’ve involved a ton of fumbling around, maybe an “AAAGH,” and the test on the floor before we ever would’ve gotten to ew. Guessing that’s not what Jessie was looking for either.

            1. RC*

              Honestly, the fact Abby’s only reaction was “Ew, gross” speaks to her maturity and presence of mind in the situation. I would have jumped up with a bellowed, “What the ACTUAL F!!! is WRONG with you?!?” and given Jessie hell for throwing her bodily fluids at me. I’ve worked places where that would’ve gotten her fired–how dare this girl turn around and act like the injured party. Jeebus what an ass.

              1. RC*

                Also! I’d look into the motives behind why Abby was singled out for this “reveal” first to begin with, particularly since she’s a known germaphobe. This was way more than an innocent prank gone wrong–Jessie’s motives were likely not pure from the jump.

                1. Elizabeth West*

                  That’s exactly what I thought. Especially since they’re now bullying her.

                  There is little I despise more than an adult who acts like a high school mean girl.

                2. Jimulacrum*

                  My thoughts exactly. She targets the known germaphone first. Then, after the predictable reaction, she uses it to bully the germaphobe with the disingenuous “my baby is gross” nonsense. I’d be very surprised if Jessie didn’t have an existing grudge against Abby, or just didn’t like her for some reason.

              2. elle woods*

                I grew up with brothers so generally my first response when someone throws something at me is to whip it back at their face….. I bet Jessie would have loved that :P

                1. Rose*

                  Loling because this is such a real ingrained trait of anyone who grew up with brothers, esp older brothers. Sometimes I do it when tossed something useful, like the remote. It’s totally reflexive.

              4. CountryLass*

                Amen to that one, I’d have gone full on Karen on her. Every variation of the words gross/offensive/assault would have been launched at her. along with as much spittle as I could reasonably get away with, to see how she likes having someone’s bodily fluid come at her!

            2. Spike Hammersmith*

              Former volleyball player. I would’ve likely spiked it back at her.

              (Don’t bring me to any place where they shoot t-shirt cannons or throw prizes into the audience. It’s a real problem).

          3. Web of Pies*

            Agreed, I don’t even like the throwing aspect of all this, let alone a thrown pee-stick!

            There is little more startling than being in the zone and suddenly getting hit with a Nerf dart. At the job I had where grown men played with toys instead of working, I told them I’d keep any dart shot my way, and then did. Ultimately I collected 5 or 6. No projectiles at coworkers please!!

            1. SheLooksFamiliar*

              I used to work with a few people who thought it was hilarious to yell, ‘Think fast!’ and throw an item at someone. Maybe it would make a mess when they caught it – a jelly donut, an open bag of Doritos, a half-empty can of soda – or it would shatter if it hit the floor so their coworker would try to catch in a panic – a company logo coffee cup or a picture frame. Yeah. Hilarious.

              Well, I don’t like that kind of thing, either, and told them I would simply let whatever they launched hit the ground. 3 or 4 shattered coffee cups later, and I guess asking me to think fast wasn’t fun anymore. Agreed, no projectiles at coworkers!

              1. Anon Supervisor*

                I used to work at a grocery store where a guy loved to toss empty boxes at my feet when I was walking in his general direction. It was infuriating.

              3. Mongrel*

                I have a similar reaction from kitchen work, stepping back or away from thrown or dropped items as you never know how pointy, sharp or hot something may be

          4. Leigh*

            I would go to the members of management with supervising authority OR HR one more time. I would explain that you’re seeing Abby being bullied over not wanting to touch Jessie’s urine & you worry it’s becoming a hostile work environment for her because if the things Jessie is saying, while Abby is not provoking anything.

            If they still pressure Abby to apologize to Jessie or nobody does anything to rein in Jessie, I’ve been known over the years to give harassed employees my notes on an incident & tell them if they speak to a lawyer, use them how they see fit. Some times just knowing you’re really not alone & you have the option to find a lawyer is enough fora person to weather a situation long enough for the other person to move on (hopefully to another job, nobody needs that level of drama)

            1. Curious*

              Please remember that a “hostile work environment” is not per se illegal under Title VII — it needs to be a hostile work environment *because of* the plaintiff’s race, sex, etc. So, Abby would need to prove that Jessie was treating her differently than she would have treated a similarly situated male co-worker (or a worker of a different race, etc.)

              That said, I agree that throwing ANYTHING at a co-worker is bad, and throwing something involving bodily fluids (precious or otherwise) is worse.

              1. Morticia*

                I’m not in the US, so I don’t know, but would having a germ phobia qualify as a disability there?

                1. Curious*

                  Now, that claim is complete! But it’s only against Jessie:. It’d be tough to prove that Employer should have expected her action. It would also likely be difficult to prove that Employer needs to protect Abby from a repeat performance, given the … unusual circumstances.

                1. Ismonie*

                  This is correct. If she had a disability (OCD, a true disabling phobia) or perceived disability, and was picked on for that reason, it would be actionable.

              4. L'étrangere*

                I’d think you would only throw a pregnancy test at a straight woman. Men seem incredibly ignorant about anything related to female anatomy or physiology, and even I as an old lesbian would require some serious head scratching before I perceived an object as a pregnancy test, or could read the results. So Abby was not picked at random, but due to belonging to a protected category

                1. Reality.Bites*

                  And there are a lot of straight w0men around who didn’t have home pregnancy tests during the years they might have had use for them. And I’m going to guess that the tests themselves have probably changed in appearance over the years. I don’t suppose most women who no longer use the tests keep up on the latest developments in design.

          5. INFJedi*

            I probably would catch it when someone throws something to me saying “catch”, if I see it coming I would just react and catch it (I blame all the times at recess during elementary school, when I was acting as a goalie when we were playing soccer :’) )

            The thing is, once I realise what the item is, a stick with pee on, I would probably throw it back (baseball style) before my rational side would take over. (so everyone would probably get very angry if the stick were to hit the culprit’s head :| )

          6. Low Morale Technician*

            I can guarantee you she saw something like this on TikTok and thought she’d try it out for herself. It’s too bad she doesn’t realize that all of those videos are staged and aren’t “real”. No one, ever, just catches an unsolicited used pregnancy test and is like, “Oh wow! This is great!” I would have been fired the following week for tossing a sperm sample cup (what? I can clean it!) to celebrate my successful vasectomy. It really means a lot to me you know, so please react positively.

        2. Salymander*

          Yeah I think the best thing to do is go back to corporate and tell them about what’s happening so they can rein in the management staff and especially Jessie and her friend as well as anyone see who is doing this. Thank goodness the OP was there to try to bring some common sense to this situation and these people.

          Poor Abby. For goodness sake, if anyone threw a pee stick at me I would have reacted a whole lot more than that! I think she sounds rather restrained and low key given that someone, in the middle of a devastating global pandemic when by now we should all know better, threw something that had been Urinated On and had likely Been In A Toilet at her while filming her reaction. And now she is being bullied for it? And management are trying to enforce the bullying? There is not enough WTF in all the world for this.

          1. Jules the 3rd*

            This. And also, you have standing and position to talk to Jessie’s manager about how Jessie is bullying Abby. Point out that it’s not actually ok, that Jessie made a huge, unprofessional overstep that is affecting her reputation, and that the manager should say something to Jessie about letting it go and getting back to professional behavior. Something like,
            “I’m concerned that Jessie doesn’t realize how over the line (pun intended) throwing a stick someone has peed on is, and that she’s continuing to cross that line with her comments about ‘gross’. She was and continues to be hugely unprofessional, and doesn’t seem to understand that. This makes me concerned about her professional judgement overall, and may affect how she’s seen here.

            Also, we’d all like to forget the time when someone threw a pee stick at a coworker, could you ask Jessie to let it go so that we can?”

            Push home to the manager that Jessie’s reputation is being harmed by Jessie’s behavior, and that the manger has a responsibility to address it.

          2. SeluciaMD*

            This is exactly what I came here to suggest. Corporate HR already knows the actual details and was (appropriately) horrified. They need to be informed that this local office – both local HR and leadership – are handling this TERRIBLY. Someone above their heads needs to come in and shut this down PRONTO. That has to be your first step.

            But I also second the idea of using the script (and sharing the script with others like Abby) others have suggested. Some version of: “Jessie, no one ever said, hinted or intimated that your baby or your pregnancy is gross. Tossing something you peed on at a coworker is what was gross. Stop conflating those two things and misrepresenting what happened.” Say it loud and with conviction so everyone in the back can hear. I have zero patience for this kind of manufactured melodrama and victimhood.

            1. Librarian of SHIELD*

              Yes to both suggestions. Corporate HR needs to know that this is still a problem, and somebody needs to set Jessie straight, loudly and in the hearing of the rest of the staff.

              1. Abogado Avocado*

                And may I suggest that these communications need to be made in writing? If it isn’t in writing, HR can pretend they didn’t understand the nuances. No one is saying you need to write a long explanation, but put it in writing so no one can say they didn’t understand the essential problem of throwing a pee stick at a coworker, Jessie’s continued bullying of Abby, and HR’s need to correct the situation once and for all.

            2. Properlike*

              YES. Both in writing to corporate, and on the spot when you overhear Jessie say it, in any context.

        3. Rose*

          It’s so weird and gross I initially thought that was supposed to be part of the gag. Like, we assume, as normal rational people, that some of the staff will automatically throw it down and yell “eww!” While others will assume it was wiped down and not care as much and be excited, the contrast of which will add to the hilarity! I already thought this was a stupid idea, but my jaw actually dropped when I read that they were offended by a grossed out response from throwing a peed on object at a co-worker.

          Even if it was something like a sonogram, this is just expecting way too much in terms of reaction from your coworkers. My relationships with my coworkers are warm and friendly, some are people I’d consider friends, but I’m not their mom. I’m not going to scream and cry and have some reaction worth filming. Two of my favorite coworkers just told me they were pregnant and for both I stood up and semi-yelled “omigod!! I’m so happy for you!” And we hugged (as is our culture). It would be so awkward to stitch a bunch of these together.

          1. Overeducated*

            This is a good point. When my coworkers announce pregnancies I usually say with a huge smile, “Congratulations! That’s amazing news!” I’m happy for them but it’s not viral-video-worthy.

            Also, right now if someone threw a positive pregnancy test at me I’d just be confused, given that my most recent and unfortunately repeat experience with two lines on a stick is for rapid COVID tests. Not a good association.

            1. The Original K.*

              Yeah, the first thing I thought when I read “reaction video” is that my reaction would be unsatisfying for a coworker looking for a viral moment (which is the root of Jessie’s anger). I’d be like “congratulations!” and smile, maybe ask when they’re due, and that’s about it.

            2. General von Klinkerhoffen*

              EXACTLY THIS

              I’d almost forgotten that pregnancy tests exist, so in the moment I’d likely assume it was a type of rapid covid test I hadn’t encountered yet (I’ve had at least four types so far).

              1. Le Sigh*

                Yeah the first time I took the line test one I yelled out, “Not pregnant!” Because truly, that’s what it reminds me of!

                1. Sopranohannah*

                  I’ve had to do numerous rapid tests in the last few weeks on other people. I’ve definitely gotten a few “great, I’m not pregnant” responses.

              2. Susan Ivanova*

                I’ve been lucky enough that I only did my first test a month ago, which was the first time in my entire life that I’ve had to look at a test like that. So if someone tossed a pregnancy test at me two months ago I wouldn’t even have known how to interpret it.

              3. Emma*

                Right? As I was reading this letter, my immediate thought when I saw “pregnancy test” was “oh no, someone’s going to see it, confuse it with a covid test, and think their coworker has come into the office while having covid and started throwing their infected mucus samples at people”

            3. MCMonkeyBean*

              Yeah, this is far from the most important part of the story but I’m pretty stuck on that too. It’s hard to imagine what they expected the video might otherwise look like? A reaction video of telling your immediate family or closest friends, especially if they know you’ve been trying for a while or something, that could get emotional and share-able. But coworkers???

            1. La Triviata*

              Back in the old days – maybe the ’50s, early ’60s, the usual thing was to say, “the rabbit died” … which, depending on who it was said to, would provoke a variety of responses. One comedian had a bit he did about hearing it as “the rabbi died”.

              1. Rose*

                I have so many questions. Rabbit or rabbi? Was this how you announced a pregnancy or just shocked people? Please elaborate!

                1. AlyInSebby*

                  My Mom (who may be an unreliable narrator),

                  Said they would use rabbits to culture the hormone from mother – if rabbit died it was positive for pregnancy hormone/s.

                  Now Imma googles it.

                2. AlyInSebby*

                  When urine from a woman in the early months of pregnancy was injected into immature female mice, their ovaries would enlarge and show follicular maturation. … The term “rabbit test” was first recorded in 1949, and was the origin of a common euphemism, “the rabbit died,” for a positive pregnancy test.

                  Rabbit test – Wikipediahttps://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Rabbit_test

                3. TheWhiteQueen*

                  Technically, the rabbit ALWAYS died. A pregnancy test was conducted by taking urine from the woman, injecting it into a female rabbit, then waiting several days.
                  If the woman was pregnant, the hormones in her urine would cause the rabbit’s ovaries to look a particular way (swell up or create ripe eggs, or something, anyway, it was a significant change).
                  The only way they could LOOK at the ovaries was to, well, remove them. And they weren’t exactly concerned with removing them and returning the rabbit to a cage and nursing it back to health.
                  So because you got a pregnancy test, and the implication was “you probably wouldn’t go get tested unless you were fairly certain anyway”, the phrase “the rabbit died” became synonymous with “diagnosis: pregnancy”.

                4. nonegiven*

                  On MASH, Radar had a pet rabbit. They needed it to run a pregnancy test, but didn’t want to kill the rabbit so they spayed it under anesthesia.

              2. Sister Michael*

                My mother-in-law announced my husband’s impending birth this way in 1990 to a club she and my father-in-law were part of. She was being tongue-in-cheek and apparently the phrase was outdated enough that they got sincere condolences on the loss of a beloved pet!
                Should we choose to have kids, we’ve already agreed we’re going to announce it to her with a sympathy card.

          3. quill*

            And this is the least WTF of the entire story, but WHY are you filming random coworkers reactions to having things thrown at them without their consent? Does OP work at the marketing department of Jackass the TV show?

            2. Salymander*

              Yes! Why would anyone do that? This is like some unholy combination of Mean Girls and Jackass. And the fact that management are trying to make people write apologies to Jessie is just appalling. Thank goodness the corporate folks have more common sense.

              Also, throwing plastic things at people is bad anyway, even when they aren’t covered in pee. Even if it were a pen or some other small, innocuous thing. I think most people would hate that.

            3. amkm*

              This whole nightmare is really strengthening my resolve to never work in an office again. So gross, so invasive, such high school dynamics. No thanks.

            1. Rose*

              My (actual) mom and I call those people “only X in the world.” Like the person who cuts you off in traffic then honks are you for the audacity to drive in your own lane is the only driver in the world! They’re very, very special people! We all must bow to them.

        4. Lucy Skywalker*

          I’m a semi-germaphobe (that is, I’m very conscious of germs, hygiene, and cleanliness, but I’m not anything near the level of say, Emma from Glee) and I absolutely would have reacted the same way Abby did.

        5. Candi*

          I was looking for the part where Jessie put it in a ziplock bag, and I was horrified when I realized, no, she didn’t!

          It wouldn’t have made her idea any better, but at least everyone could pretend the outside of the bag was clean.

        6. Holey Hobby*

          Jessie needs a reality check on so many levels. I am *really* worried (in the US, for context) about how many people seem to be so… I’m struggling to describe what I’ve been seeing, especially since the pandemic. It’s like people think that Tik Tok videos are real life. There’s a level of callous narcissism and just… I don’t know… It’s like Jessie had in her head how the video would go and how she would be the star of it and get lots of likes and upvotes… and it never occurred to her that this was real life, in meat space, with other humans, with their own thoughts and feelings, and her coworker wasn’t a prop in the Jessie show, but a human who she shouldn’t fling a pee-soaked sponge at. And now she’s doing the OTHER social media thing where you bully and ostracize, because that’s how you react to people who try to dim your light… I guess?

        7. GlitsyGus*

          Agreed. If I heard Jessie pull the “I guess my baby is GROSS!” nonsense my immediate reaction would be to say, “Your baby isn’t the issue. Your piss is gross. Now knock off the martyr nonsense and stop being a jerk to Abby.”

          Also, this is so gross. Why would anyone in their right mind think this is OK??

      2. Insert Clever Name Here*

        And the next time Jessie says “oh well I guess my baby is gross” someone who is not Abby needs to say “no, your baby is amazing and we are thrilled for you. YOUR PEE IS GROSS. Two completely distinct things that can exist at the same time.”

        Where the hell is Jessie’s manager?!

        I am so horrified by this.

        1. Susie*

          Hard agree. I don’t care what amazing thing you have to announce, if you can’t announce it without throwing pee sticks at people, just keep it to yourself.

          1. On the road again …*

            If I was Abby I’d have to say “no, the baby is perfect – it’s their mom who is gross.” But that would be the kindest answer you’d get from me if anyone threw anything at me.

            1. On the road again …*

              When I found out I was pregnant I took the st-home test to my doctor. I put it in a sealed sandwich bag. He looked at it, but he did not touch even the bag. And that was in the 1980’s.

              1. Obfuscated Orangutan*

                When people share pregnancy test photos on facebook, all I’m thinking about is, “Someone peed on that! Gross!”

                1. Tired SW*

                  I had a friend who announced her pregnancy to her husband by leaving the positive pregnancy test on his dinner plate *before dinner*!!! I’m still not over it.

        2. Lurker*

          I mean, babies are kinda gross if you think about it. They drool, spit up, pee and poop all over themselves, stick everything in their mouths, have runny noses. All gross.

              1. quill*

                When you wander family reunions going “oh, what a cute larva!~” the babies love it and the old folks don’t ask you when you’re planning on getting married and having kids. :)

                3. Mannequin*

                  I thought one of my best friends was going to have the vapors when I said that babies are human larva, haha! He’s a gay man with no kids, which makes it even funnier.

          2. JustHeretoComment*

            This. As a mother of a 16-month-old, I love him to pieces, but some of the stuff I have to deal with coming out of him on the daily is gross. He’s got a cold and he loves to give open mouth kisses. I’ve been snotted on more times than I care to count in the last 48 hours. It’s gross.

            1. SimonTheGreyWarden*

              Wait till he wipes his crusty, pink-eye-infected face on your pajama sleeve at 3am. That was a new low for us.

              1. Elizabeth West*

                Wait until someone pukes in their bed and doesn’t tell you about it and you find it at the next bedtime. >_<

              2. NoviceManagerGuy*

                My youngest (twins) are 5 and they’re much less gross now, but the other night one fell and buster her lip, and when we were comforting her, she wiped her bloody lip on my wife’s face. My wife had to step away because she was cracking up from how gross that was.

                1. STAT!*

                  My 12 year old coughed in my mouth last November as I opened my gob to say something. Why yes, I did catch Delta off him a couple of days later …

                  (Please don’t @ me. I was double vaxxed & still got the damn thing.)

              4. Ginger ale for all*

                I once threw up on my sleeping mom in the middle of the night when she was sleeping. I opened my mouth to tell her that I was sick and unintentionally vomited. I got it on her face and pillow and as an added bonus threw up on the carpet in the doorway of my bedroom on the walk back to bed. So there was a surprise game of hopscotch to get into my room.

                1. Noblepower*

                  My mom took me to the doctor because I was sick, and while we were in the waiting room, I leaned over and vomited inside of her purse. There are days I am amazed she didn’t give me to the first random person that expressed an interest in kids.

                3. Mannequin*

                  Artemesia – My niece did that too, when she was little, and her bunk was in a corner of the living room, with a view of the kitchen. It. Went. EVERYWHERE.

            2. Zephy*

              I saw “16-year-old” and was EXTREMELY concerned for a second before the reading comprehension kicked in.

            3. allathian*

              Wait until he has diarrhea up his back all the way to his hairline, because you didn’t put the diaper on tight enough…

              Babies are gross sometimes, but fortunately they grow out of it.

            4. Midwest Manager*

              One of my kids had trouble bottle feeding and she had a G-tube as a result. It created issues with night-vomiting due to reflux. She once put her vomit-covered hand in my husband’s mouth one night when we were cleaning up the mess. *gag* Glad it was him, and not me!

          4. Attention Dior*

            So do adults unfortunately, especially if they have been drinking…phew. Only like 30% of people wash their hands after using the bathroom, and as we have seen in the pandemic….grossness. Humans are gross if we are taking that line.

            1. SeluciaMD*

              I wish I could go back in time to be the version of myself that did not know that SEVENTY PERCENT OF PEOPLE ARE NOT MANAGING BASELINE LEVELS OF CLEANLINESS. That is now one of the silver linings of this stupid pandemic – no one wants to shake hands anymore and hopefully people are better about hand washing in general (or at least slathering on some antibacterial hand gel.)

            2. Karia*

              30%? That cannot be true. (Please god). Although, maybe that’s the reason why, in a world where we sanitise constantly and don’t shake hands, my colds have been reduced to two in 3 years.

        3. Nea*

          This. Jessie is obviously twisting the narrative to “Abby is a baby-hating killjoy” and not “I threw something I peed on at Abby.” The actual facts of the matter – that Jessie is the one way out of line from the beginning – should be told loudly and often.

          Also, bring up with corporate HR that Abby is being bullied.

          1. AnonEMoose*

            Right? I also suspect that part of Jessie’s real problem was that she had this script in her head of how everyone would be thrilled for her and make a big fuss with her as the center of attention, and Abby “ruined” it by having a perfectly natural reaction to having a used urine text device at her out of, as she probably felt, out of nowhere. Jessie could have, if she insisted on using the test, held on to it herself and just shown it to Abby. But bottom line, I suspect that Jessie’s nose is out of joint because she didn’t get the social media attention and kudos she felt entitled to, and is taking it out on Abby.

            I suspect others are joining in because how dare anyone not bow down at the Altar of the Almighty Baby, and some people lose all rationality if there’s a pregnancy/baby involved. Now, I think babies are great for those who want them, I know pregnancy can be really, really tough, and sometimes sad and tragic things happen. Heck, my coworkers used to make sort of a game of handing me the baby when someone would bring one in, just to see how long it would take for the baby to fall asleep – that tends to happen when babies are handed to me – either I’m safe or I’m boring, or maybe a bit of both – LOL! My point is that I suspect people are buying into the “Jessie was announcing a PREGNANCY!!! Abby should have just ‘gotten over’ her germaphobia and made the announcement an ideal experience for Jessie, and instead she ruined it!” Never mind that Abby is also a real person with real and valid feelings, and she reacted out of being startled, not maliciously. The bullying needs to be shut down.

            1. Alpacas Are Not Dairy Animals*

              I wonder if people are hearing about this third-hand at this point. If the story has morphed into “Jessie told Abby she was pregnant and Abby yelled GROSS!” without the key pee-stick detail, I could understand uninvolved people giving her a light side-eye (but not bullying her or getting more involved – that part is obviously Jessie + co. stirring up drama.)

              1. AnonEMoose*

                Oh yes, that, too. I am absolutely certain that people who weren’t there are conveniently not hearing about the pee stick detail.

                1. Office Lobster DJ*

                  Good point. Even if the pee-stick remains a supporting character in Jessie’s narrative, by now the story may be that Abby stormed up to Jessie, ripped the pee-stick from her trembling hands, hurled it into the trash, and started berating her in front of everyone.

              2. Lucy Skywalker*

                Yikes! That’s a real possibility, that people “accidentally” forgot to mention the part about the pee stick.

            4. Groove Bat*

              That…and I bet at some level Jessie now realizes what she did was gross and dumb, and rather than admit it she is doubling down.

        4. Salymander*

          Yeah. Jessie, it is your pee that is gross.

          Oh, and your attitude. Jessie, your attitude is super gross.

          1. AnonEMoose*

            I have to wonder if Jessie was your classic Mean Girl in high school – she certainly seems to be acting like one now.

            1. Nobby Nobbs*

              Jessie’s gonna be the kind of mom who wipes her kid’s face with her own spit and gets mad when they think it’s gross. Calling it now.

              1. Everyone's a Critic*

                No, Jessie is going to be that parent that never stops sticking a camera in her child’s face so she can cash in on those meaningless social media points.

          2. Pepperbar*

            And also your pregnancy, your childbirth, AND your baby will be gross.

            My kid is only three. I vividly remember the constant sinus infection, the constant peeing, the acid reflux, and the nausea of pregnancy. It was gross. Once in labour, I threw up on the way to the hospital (apparently that’s a normal thing), and that was possibly the least gross part of the process.

            My toddler is definitely, positively, infinitely gross. I love him to pieces, but holy shit I’ve never seen that much drool in one place.

            You don’t have to hate it to recognise it’s gross, and I would never expect ANYONE not directly involved that process or otherwise already sharing fluids with me to touch any part of all of it.

            1. Unicorn Parade*

              Childbirth is a damn horror show of grossness. I thought the pooping was going to be the worst part, but I had NO IDEA Home Depot buckets would be involved or required. (I don’t have kids but watched my bff’s baby be birthed. Definitely solidified my desire to never have kids.) “Get the buckets” was an actual phrase I heard.

              Jessie sounds like the type of person to save her placenta, cook it, and bring it to a company potluck, then get offended when no one wants to eat any.

                1. Thalia*

                  I hate to be the one to do this to you, but some people do in fact cook and eat their own placental. There are RECIPES.

                1. Insert Clever Name Here*

                  I’m writing this from beyond the grave because this comment killed me.

                  (also, when I glanced back up at your name I thought it was “bowl of placentas” and thought, now that is commitment. “bowl of petunias” is much nicer!)

                5. Anonasourus Rex*

                  I need to say thank you. That’s amazing. Bowl of petunias- that’s the funniest thing I’ve read in ages.

                6. Phoenix Wright*

                  Oh no, not again!

                  (love your username, if it’s the Hitchhiker’s Guide reference I believe it to be)

                8. Princesss Sparklepony*

                  Hey! If you didn’t sign up to bring placenta on the sign up sheet, keep that out of the potluck!

                  (Your comment actually had me LOLing. If I still had pets I would have startled them…)

              3. lolly pop*

                Since I am very happily childfree I thought it would be a good learning experience/bias check to help one of my sisters in the delivery room. I was a stirrup, so my view was…explicit. Yeah, childbirth is amazingly gross. More graphic than any nature shows I grew up watching.

                1. Anon4this*

                  Oh god…years ago I a roommate of mine had a textbook for paramedics, and I decided to peruse it one night when I could not sleep, even though I’m a bit squeamish. I was fine until the childbirth photos, which were legit traumatizing. Even thinking of them 20+ yrs later makes my lady parts tighten up with fear.

              4. JESUS IS THE MAN!*

                I teach a group of 12-13 year olds. They are a handful. Yesterday they asked, “Are we why you don’t want kids?”

                I wish I’d seen this beforehand so I could be like, “No, the reason I don’t want kids is because ‘get the buckets’ is an actual phrase that has been used during the birthing process.”

                D: D: D:

                Respect to anybody who attempts this thing. Not gonna be me.

                1. allathian*

                  Aww, but at least they recognize they’re a handful… Sounds like they can be very sweet at times as well.

              5. TouchNotThisDog*

                The bucket was my companion through 26 hours of labour. When we finally went to c-section, I was still throwing up. It’s a really, really weird feeling throwing up when your lower half is anesthetized.

                Then they lifted kiddo out and said to me “Do you want to hold your baby?” and I had to say “No, I’m going to be sick again” and they gave her to her father to hold instead.

            2. bowl of petunias*

              Oh hell yes. It’s all gross from here on out. Many fluids. Also none of them should be hurled at coworkers.

            3. Sleeping Late Every Day*

              When Sleeping Offspring was born, I told him that I did not approve of drooling and to please refrain. Honestly. And he never drooled unless he was having a particularly difficult teething issue, which was seldom. I didn’t want to wipe more than one end.

        5. WaterFire*

          The fact that Jessie is pulling this mean girl rubbish is worrying as she’s literally about to become a mother. YIKES. How old is she?!

        6. Marzipan Shepherdess*

          Jessie’s manager seems to be MIA here, but their HR staff wants Abby to apologize to Jessie for having had the nerve not to be THRILLED at being tossed a urine-soaked stick. Their office’s HR people are perpetuating the problem, not helping to solve it. Corporate HR seems to have a good grasp of the situation – don’t throw urine-soaked objects at people! – but it doesn’t sound as if the regional office (where Jessie and Abby work) does.

        7. Essess*

          I would loudly proclaims “It’s not your baby that’s gross. Your baby isn’t the one that threw pee at others. You are the one that was gross.”

        8. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

          Right? WTH is up with that comment? Why is anyone out there in public loudly implying that their baby and their stale pee on a stick are the same thing? Is this the fallout from years of abstinence-only sex-ed, or what? /s (but also kind of being serious)

        9. kiki*

          It’s wild!!!! Like, Jessie has to realize Abby wasn’t critiquing her child. IT IS ABOUT THE URINE. Nobody wants to touch their coworker’s urine and nobody should be expected to. WTF is wrong with this group of people??

          1. Salymander*

            Yeah, but it makes Jessie feel a really extra special kind of self righteousness if she can bully someone by saying that they think her unborn baby is gross. Jessie is diving headfirst into the manufactured drama, isn’t she? She must be an absolute nightmare to deal with on a daily basis. I hope the OP can get corporate to shut this down quickly. It would be great if Jessie can learn to be a better human, for the baby’s sake if for no other reason, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. At least maybe she will be made to stop bullying. She sound so mean.

        10. mlem*

          “Oh, well I guess my baby is gross.”
          “You … think a stick you peed on is your baby? I … see.”

        11. Not So NewReader*

          It appears to me that Jess is very interested in victimhood here. Maybe because she did not get the love for her announcement that she was looking for so she will take sympathy for a victim instead.

          But Jess’ willingness to twist a story concerns me, people don’t ordinarily twist stories unless that is their life habit.
          I would point out to her that no one said her baby was gross and that is not even logical that she concluded they did. I’d make sure to say this within ear shot of other people and repeat as necessary.

          1. IndustriousLabRat*

            “Maybe because she did not get the love for her announcement that she was looking for so she will take sympathy for a victim instead.”

            Wait til she has to coach a toddler through, and hopefully OUT of, the “any attention is good attention” stage. At that point, the toddler may become the wiser of the two in this regard.

            Performative Pinterest Parenting gives me the heebie-jeebies.

          2. JustAnotherKate*

            Yes, she wants to be the victim, and to flip the script from “I did something super unhygienic and unprofessional in the office and my coworker was legitimately horrified” to “my coworker is being a big meanie to me and my baby.” (Successfully, apparently, given that people are bullying Abby.) This has gotten the attention off her original gross stunt, but it is equally as gross (in a different way) as throwing a pee-d on piece of plastic at someone. OP, thanks for working to shut this the F down and keep it up!

          3. Properlike*

            It makes me wonder how much other social bullying behavior Jessie’s engaging in out of earshot of management. I’m sure they get a “sanitized” version… the only thing sanitized when it comes to Jessie.

        12. Librarian of SHIELD*

          This.

          “Jessie, nobody is grossed out that you’re pregnant, we think it’s great. The gross part was when you decided to throw something you’d peed on at your coworkers. Stop pretending you don’t understand that and leave Abby alone.”

          1. lolly pop*

            Except that some folks are not going to think it’s great and be forced to fake a socially-acceptable level of ‘yay’ while private being appalled at the lack of concern for our poor planet.

            1. Double A*

              No one thinks you shouldn’t exist because of the “poor planet,” so yes, please continue the courtesy of being polite to people who decide to have children. They have just as much right to exist as you do.

              1. Lady Oscar*

                No one asked to be born, and no one (I hope) blames _the children_. They blame the parents who choose to have them.

                (That said, I once congratulated a pregnant friend with “Congratulations! I hear you’re adding to the Earth’s overpopulation problem!” with a genuine smile, since, y’know, if someone has to reproduce I’d rather it be people I like. Knowing me, she took it in the spirit in which it was intended.)

        13. Whimsical Gadfly*

          I was thinking if I were Abby I would be tempted to say “I don’t know about your baby, but your piss is gross even when you are peeing for two!”

      3. Gothic Bee*

        Pee-stick lmao, but yes exactly! I’m not really a germaphobe or anything but I’ve always thought it was gross when someone would keep a used pregnancy test around just to show people or whatever even if it does have a cap on it. Abby absolutely deserves an apology and I can’t believe the reaction from on-site HR.

        1. NeedRain47*

          I always wonder why the heck folks who want to keep used pregnancy tests around don’t just put it in a ziploc. You can still see the result but no one has to handle the peed-on item. It’s literally that easy.

          1. Double A*

            Eh… I kept my positive pregnancy tests kicking around our bathroom for awhile because it felt weird to throw them out, though I eventually did. They never did leave the bathroom, which between the humans and the cats, is not exactly pristine.

            I don’t find a used pregnancy test that gross (though I would not want one tossed at me), but reading through this thread apparently other people find pee a lot grosser than I do. Probably the least offensive bodily fluid to me, as it seems the least infectious.

            2. Mannequin*

              Body fluids aren’t gross because they are ‘offensive’, they are gross because they are *unsanitary*.

              I used to be an emergency veterinary technician, a job where pee, poo, vomit, blood, pus, and more were part of the everyday environment. None of us were offended by body fluids, but while it was part of the job, it was definitely gross, and we cleaned & sanitized everything immediately after treatment, and there were plenty of extra scrubs in case we had gotten it on ourselves.

        2. HBJ*

          Have been pregnant. Have taken multiple HPTs. Have never kept my HPTs. Have never shown my HPTs or even pictures of my HPTs to anyone other than my husband.

          If I tell someone I’m pregnant, … they’re going to believe me. I don’t need to prove it with an HPT.

          1. Salymander*

            I know that seems strange to me, too.

            Maybe Jessie can have her pee stick bronzed, like they do with baby shoes. She can keep it forever as a memento of these awesome times. Then she can keep tormenting people and shouting Look at me! Look at me! Forever.

            1. Sister Michael*

              It could be a version of the very short story about baby shoes? “For Sale: Pee stick, definitely used”. Less pathos in it, though…

              2. Kicking-k*

                When I realized how useless baby shoes are for a pre-walking baby, that story lost much of its pathos for me. We gave away a bunch of baby stuff we bought or were grateful to be given, yet never used! Including, I’m pretty sure, some shoes.

        3. Unicorn Parade*

          I’ll go farther and say, I don’t want to look at a picture of a stick you peed on either. Everyone knows how pregnancy tests work, and I don’t want to look at pictures your used toilet paper, either.

          1. Ismonie*

            No but then they put their wedding rings around the window and then THEY ARE SHOWING YOU A PICTURE OF PEE. nope nope nope.

      5. Hey Nonnie*

        As soon as I got to the part “tossing the pregnancy test at…” my brain screamed “they’re throwing a used PEE STICK at their coworkers?!”

        Good lord that’s disgusting, and I would have reacted the same way. Someone needs to have a stern conversation with Jessie about bullying Abby. I don’t know who OP can convince to do that, since they’re not a people manager and presumably doesn’t have that authority themself. And it seems like the other managers are refusing to be reasonable here. Can you go back to the head office HR and get someone there to do it?

      6. JSPA*

        The throwing matters, too. Hepatitis risks and all,I’ll pick up used tissues while doing litter pickup, even if ungloved, so long as my skin isn’t raw or broken. I’m better than good about keeping track of a clean and a dirty hand, for hours if need be, so I don’t touch any other part of myself with the designated dirty.

        Tossing something like that at me would violate both my ability to consent, and my well-honed safety system. Treating someone as a “prude” because they don’t want a surprise encounter with someone else’s pee is extra beyond the pale.

      7. Alice's Rabbit*

        Agreed. Even when surprising my husband with a positive pregnancy test, I put it in a cellophane bag with a pretty ribbon, so he didn’t have to touch a used pee stick, no matter how much I cleaned it.
        I cannot imagine being handed a used pregnancy test without warning, and having any reaction except disgust.

    2. The Original K.*

      Completely agree. Throwing something that has been urinated on is gross, and I can’t believe this has to be explained to adults in 2022.

      1. Presea*

        If OP want’s to go a passive aggressive route, she could open a discussion with the managers asking exactly how much urine you are and aren’t allowed to pass to your coworkers, and ask explicitly and clearly why that amount isn’t “zero urine”. Very innocently, like OP just wants to understand where the miscommunication was. Maybe give other examples of peed-on things.

        I have little in the way of actual constructive advice and I don’t necessarily advise doing what I say above, but I can’t think of anything else to say that isn’t adding on to the dogpiling.

        1. Presea*

          I guess what I’m saying is, really really lean into this part: “If I threw anything with my urine or bodily fluids on it other than a pregnancy test at coworker, people would be livid”.

          1. Shira Von Doom*

            HAHAHAHA YES

            How do we document the exact percentage of urine beforehand? I’m just asking. Also…what is the percentage of other body fluids, since we’ve opened the flood (LOL) gates? I just want a guideline, so we’re fair to all the other body fluid throwers.

            1. Sabina*

              Yes, I think it would be cool to announce my latest UTI to my coworkers by throwing peed- on at -home test strips. How many strips can I get away with before getting in trouble?

            2. paxfelis*

              I would NOT want to see the condition of the bathrooms after that if “you can throw body fluids at your coworkers” become policy.

            3. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

              Throwing a used-but-rinsed menstrual cup at a coworker to celebrate that your period was over for the month could be a new way to promote reusable menstrual cups at your office!

              Not a GOOD way, but it would raise awareness…

        3. Need More Sunshine*

          This is reminding me of the letter writer a while ago whose boss peed in cups and then emptied them in the communal kitchen sink…. Shudder!

      2. Rose*

        I honestly thought the whole drama was going to be Abbie refusing to interact with Jessie, not the other way around.

        It’s one thing to throw your peed on hormone stick at a coworker thinking they’ll be happy for you. That’s dumb. But then getting ANGRY that they aren’t embracing your pee stick… Jessie might not have the common sense, but she sure has the audacity.

        1. Zennish*

          This. Insanely out of touch with personal and professional boundaries, plus doubling down and acting out when called on it, would be an excellent way to end up on a performance improvement plan ’round these parts.

        2. anne of mean gables*

          I’m COMPLETELY baffled at all of this, starting with thinking throwing a pee stick at your coworker is ok. But what I’m most hung up on is the timing – why does she have a pee stick with her when she’s announcing to her colleagues? Did she take a test at work and announce to her colleagues as soon as she found out? Or did she take a test at home, and then save it for a couple of months, and then bring it to work with the intention of using it in a filmed pregnancy announcement? It has to be one of those two things, but neither make a single whit of sense.

          1. Ashley*

            I had wondered about the timing as well. It is pretty early to tell co-workers and all of social media when you are confirming pregnancy via the stick. Throw the paper from the doctor at me, but really just stop throwing things.

          2. fueled by coffee*

            If Jessie hadn’t just demonstrated a complete lack of common sense, I would have assumed that she had just retaken a drug store test at the first trimester or whatever because she felt it would look better on social media than, IDK, a sonogram or just saying “I’m pregnant.”

            I’m still hoping, for her sake, that she waited.

          3. Librarian of SHIELD*

            I found out a couple of months ago that there are people who keep their positive pregnancy tests on display in shadow boxes in their homes. At the time, I thought that was the weirdest thing a person could do with a used pregnancy test, but today I was proven wrong.

          4. Ally McBeal*

            Because throwing the pee stick at them makes for good video content. WAY more interesting than having someone open a nicely wrapped present with baby merch inside (e.g. a t-shirt with “World’s Greatest Grandma” on it or whatever).

        3. Le Sigh*

          “Embracing your pee stick” is actually on the official checklist, along with “cook and eat your placenta.”

      3. Sled Dog Mama*

        My mom couldn’t believe she had to explain to my brother that urinating on other people is gross, and that was in 1995. He was only 7 at the time but she really thought he should know this by 7. My mom would probably have had a stronger response than Abby.

        1. I've Escaped Cubicle Land*

          I used to teach 4 year olds and I expected them to understand that we don’t urinate on each other and if we get pee anywhere other than in the toliet, we clean it up. And by we I mean the person who did the peeing. If you pee’d all over the seat or the floor in my class you got handed a cleaning rag or mop and told to clean it up. So the fact that a grown adult thinks throwing a urine covered stick at people is ok boggles my mind! # 1 why are we throwing things in an office environment in the first place? This isn’t Dodgeball Day in PE circa 4th grade. I have PTSD If you lob something at me unexpectedly there is a very good chance I will automatically lob it right back at you to defend myself.

        2. Nobby Nobbs*

          One would assume that “it’s gross” was part of the appeal for a seven-year-old brother. Or all of it. Baffling.

      4. Velocipastor*

        Absolutely. I didn’t even make my HUSBAND touch the pregnancy test when I asked him to double check the results. I cannot do the mental gymnastics it would require to think this was okay to do to a COWORKER.

    3. Chris*

      Agree. Holy Cow. I dislike any elaborate pregnancy announcement, even more so one that would involve throwing things at me, things that have been peed on.

      1. AnonEMoose*

        Right? I’m probably going to seem a bit of a curmudgeon here, but I really dislike the trend of making things like this big social media spectacles.

        A non-inclusive list of things I dislike (but hey, if it’s not hurting anyone, you do you):
        1. What is with the whole “prom-posal” thing?
        2. Elaborate/public marriage proposals, especially if the couple hasn’t previously discussed marriage. I wonder how many people say “yes” in the moment because they feel pressured, and then later break things off.
        3. Big/elaborate gender reveals (I think once a wildfire has been started, it should be officially OVER.)
        4. Big, elaborate pregnancy announcements involving people other than close friends/family.

        1. Zennish*

          Agree. I’ll spare everyone my accompanying rant on how social media seems to turn some otherwise normal people into wannabe Kardashians who think every personal occasion is headline news.

        2. I said yes*

          HARD agree on all of these.

          However…my wife was doing yardwork the other day and made me a promposal by spelling “PROM?” in the leaves. It was hilarious and I loved it.

          Please note that we are middle-aged. There is no actual prom.

          1. AnonEMoose*

            That is adorable!

            Once in the before times, my DH and I were grocery shopping, and this older lady came up to us and said “I just have to tell you, you two are so cute!” It was sweet, and we thanked her, but my DH and I just sort of looked at each other like “OK?”

          2. Velocipastor*

            haha my dad started spelling out “Marry Me?” In huge letters in the sand anytime we take a family trip to the beach and my mom always makes a big show of turning him down if a crowd notices. They have been happily married for 28 years.

            2. Anonymous4*

              I dearly hope that when your mom says, “Oh, Harvey, you are just so sweet to ask me but I just couldn’t –” your dad kind of clears his throat and says, “That’s . . . Albert. My name is Albert.”

        3. The Prettiest Curse*

          Yeah, once the woman who came up with the entire idea of gender reveal parties (she held hers to celebrate having a baby after pregnancy loss) disavowed them, the entire idea should really have been buried in a deep vault forever. But people want social media content, so alas it will churn on forever.

          1. Zephy*

            Gender reveal parties seemingly designed to go awry, “first look” jokes where it’s the best man in the dress, “promposals,” and elaborate pregnancy announcements are all social media content trends that need to be over yesterday. The first one was cute/funny/whatever. Everyone else is cashing in, and best-case scenario, it’s stale and boring. Worst-case scenario, people have died.

        4. fueled by coffee*

          Big flashy public prom and marriage proposals are fine IF you know that the person being asked also wants a big flashy proposal. If the person has never said “we’ve sort of been talking about marriage and you know, I’ve always wanted to be the recipient of a huge flash mob proposal,” DON’T do it.

          I’d be less concerned about gender reveal parties if they were more “let’s eat cake that is colored according to my fetus’s genitals” and less “let’s burn down the state of California.”

          1. AnonEMoose*

            Hard agree!

            Cake colored appropriately, even something like popping a balloon with glitter (if it’s the biodegradable stuff) – that seems fine. But please nothing that could cause injuries or start fires!

            1. drtheliz*

              They’re pretty red right after the baby is born because they’ve been exposed to pregnancy hormones across the placenta, so… red velvet cake?

            1. fueled by coffee*

              Oh, for sure, but with all the cis-normative gender socialization nonsense we put kids through it’s hard for me to muster up more concern over pink cake than, like, putting headbands with bows on your bald infant so strangers will know she(?) has a vagina.

              1. fueled by coffee*

                To be clear, I also don’t have strong feelings about baby headbands – they’re cute.

                1. Mannequin*

                  Little bald babies in headbands are hilariously adorable! And I’m not even a kid person. I don’t have an objection to headbands at all, just that they are gendered. Little bald babies with non-feminine headbands would be cute too!

        5. Distracted Librarian*

          I’m just as curmudgeonly. I’m not a fan of most “look at me,” spectacles manufactured for attention. You want attention? Accomplish something worthy of it.

          1. Been there, done that*

            Yes!! And this also goes for anyone over the age of 10 who expects a big spectacle made of their birthday. Grown adults proclaiming far and wide on social media that it’s their “birthday month” and that everyone shoud shower them with attention and adoration because they exist. Once you hit a certain age, birthday celebrations should only include those with whom you are extremely close because let’s face it, no one else really cares.

            1. Sova*

              I have declared it my birthday month, but the only point of the declaration was to allow me to to buy any birthday cake flavored thing and eat it during the month. It’s just healthier not to eat them all on the same day.

          2. Salymander*

            I know, I really agree. I hate hate hate that.

            I mean, I know some people like that sort of thing, and ok if that makes them happy or whatever. I just don’t want to be involved. Not at all. No matter how much I like someone, I will never want to look at their pee stick, or watch them cause a pink or blue explosion even if it doesn’t kill anyone or cause a huge wildfire. No. But I have a couple of these people in my family, and they keep trying to rope me in to their shenanigans and get really angry and mean when I don’t want to. Like, just do your thing and leave me alone! And stop exploding things and causing billions in property damage just because your fetus has genitals! I will be happy to see the baby, I will gladly babysit or help out some other way, but I do not want to have anything to do with some Instagram nightmare of pink and blue nonsense.

          3. Mannequin*

            I’m really ambivalent on this because 1. I believe that as long as it’s not hurting anyone, people should be able to live their lives in whatever way makes them happy, including in ways I don’t understand or personally approve of 2. If it’s not harming anyone, a person being “attention seeking” isn’t actually bad, and 3. (This is a big one) The fact that someone’s actions or lifestyle draws a lot of attention often just means that people AROUND them refuse to mind their own business, live and let live, or follow the golden rule, and has ZERO to to with that person actually wanting attention (many don’t.)

            So to me, gender reveal parties aren’t bad because the people are ‘seeking attention’, but because they promote harmful gender stereotypes/gender essentialist norms from when the child is still a FETUS, and secondarily because some of the dumbasses that promote them cause death and destruction…which admittedly, could be said about many kinds of poorly planned celebrations, and isn’t limited to gender reveal parties.

        6. Anonny*

          I feel the gender reveal pipe bomb death that killed someone in 2019 should have been when it was officially over.

          1. Very Social*

            I just googled “gender reveal pipe bomb” because I hadn’t heard that story and apparently it’s happened TWICE.

        7. Anon1994*

          Yeah same here. I hate gender reveals. As a 90’s baby my mom had no problem letting anyone know at any given time what she was carrying. I would have never imagined people would hold that info to gather everyone up and shout it or cause a fire accident just to reveal it. I would never have a gender reveal.

    4. laowai_gaijin*

      Yes! Keep pushing back, LW, and back Abby up 100%. Jessie and Daniela showed abominable judgment, and Abby should not have to apologize for anything.

    5. Lynca*

      I think what makes this worse for me is that Jessie was trying to film reactions from unsuspecting co-workers. I feel so terrible for Abby and the OP having to deal with this.

      I’ve been pregnant and been through all that entails.I would have also responded in a “EW GROSS” manner if someone threw a used pregnancy test at me. BECAUSE IT IS.

      1. CubicleSmurf*

        In addition to the gross pee-stick, I would have been livid that I was filmed without my consent. Presumably Jessie planned to post it or show it to other people outside the office. That’s such a violation to capture reactions that may be mocked later. Jessie seriously lacks empathy and boundaries.

        1. Salymander*

          Yes I would hate that too. It is just a setup for later meanness. Jessie just sucks, and management needs a kick in the behind from corporate so they stop enabling this ridiculousness.

        2. Zoe Karvounopsina*

          OP does say in her letter that that sort of thing (birthday announcements, etc) is often filmed and posted, so I can see where, from that angle, Jessie might have thought it was fine. BUT FROM NO OTHER ANGLE.

          1. Mannequin*

            Yes. It appears that the ‘being filmed’ part is normal and not the issue in this particular case.

    6. Tara*

      Don’t people usually hand people the scan photos if they’re doing anything like this? Oh gross is entirely the correct response. A pee stick in any context is gross.

      1. Red 5*

        There wouldn’t be an ultrasound photo if she’s very early in the pregnancy, because nothing would really show up as far as I know. A pregnancy test can detect the changes in hormone levels well before all that much has happened in terms of the baby’s growth.

        Most people do use an ultrasound image because they also wait until they’re through the first trimester before they widely announce the pregnancy because there is such a high risk of losing the pregnancy in the early months. People who do announcements with positive pregnancy tests are usually not far along.

        Caveat: when and who you tell about your pregnancy is up to every individual person and I’m not judging anybody’s choices on that front, just explaining why a lot of people choose to wait.

        1. WeHaveTheTechnology*

          That’s true. But it does raise an interesting point: Why not just show a photo of the pee stick instead of giving people the pee stick itself? Everyone has a camera in their pocket/purse nowadays. This just confirms that this was not only gross but unnecessary.

          1. Cat Tree*

            Yes, this is so bizarre. When I was TTC with fertility treatments, I used a cheap test every day to watch the line get progressively darker. I washed my hands, waited 2 minutes, took a picture, then threw away the pee stick.

            Also, the results aren’t valid after 10 minutes anyway so it’s pointless to save the test for days.

            1. Alice's Rabbit*

              A positive result doesn’t fade away after 10 minutes. It’s still there, days later. Weeks later, even.

            1. No sharing of pee*

              I even think pictures of urine pregnancy test are gross and do not understand why people post pictures of them on social media. There are better objects to announce a pregnancy – baby shoes, onesies, cute bibs – that do not contain bodily fluids. And this is coming from a mom.

              1. Doug Judy*

                It weirds me out because the at home COVID tests look just like pregnancy tests and I’m like WTF am I looking at here? It’s weird to post either to be honest.

                1. They Don’t Make Sunday*

                  Every time I take a rapid test, my reaction is, “Super, it says I’m not pregnant with covid.”

              2. Unicorn Parade*

                “Hey everyone, here’s something I peed on! Stay tuned for my used tampon!” Seriously what the hell is wrong with these people.

          3. else*

            Because she wanted drama! I’m sure the person who suggested that her issue is the difference between the script she had in her head vs reality is correct

      2. Lenora Rose*

        Ultrasounds are usually around 12 weeks… which is also a MUCH wiser time for announcing a pregnancy. They’re not sure the number of people who miscarry but it’s at least 20%, or 1 in 5 (Yes, at least. it’s amazing how little that’s discussed, considering, and yes, I know that partly form personal experience), and the VAST majority of those happen before 12 weeks.

        It’s not surprising that someone who would try and hand around a pee stick would also be recklessly early about announcing, but I really worry about what will happen if Jessie is in the unlucky 20% (or more). I can see someone who’s demonstrated this level of judgement blaming Abby somehow because ruining her announcement stressed her out…

        1. Purple cat*

          There are SO many things that Jessie has done wrong, but I have to push back on this. There’s no such thing as announcing a pregnancy “recklessly early” – unless perhaps they haven’t actually tested and have no medical proof of said pregnancy.

          Keeping pregnancy’s secret ties into keeping miscarriages secret and the time for that is long gone.

          1. Hobbling Up A Hill*

            I think what is meant by recklessly early is that if you go around announcing to everyone that you’re pregnant with a pee stick and then you unfortunately suffer a miscarriage you’re potentially going to have to deal with a lot of people asking about your pregnancy right when you least want to talk about it. Which isn’t to say that anyone should be ashamed of having a miscarriage, merely that someone who has just had one of a wanted pregnancy might not want to talk about it to random office-mates.

            1. FridayFriyay*

              This is an individual decision that doesn’t warrant external judgement or commentary. It’s not reckless to decide to tell people early, even if you have to un-tell them later. Source: have had 4 consecutive miscarriages.

          2. KGD*

            I agree. It’s a really personal decision and nobody should be pressured to share before they are ready, but some people (like me) want to talk about their early pregnancies and also to talk about their miscarriages. The reason most people don’t know about the high rate of miscarriages is because most women feel pressured to be silent about their losses.

          3. Lenora Rose*

            No, thanks. I chose to make a pregnancy announcement at 8 weeks, including at work, thinking I was safe, and it made things WORSE two weeks later than the one after, where I hadn’t told anyone who wasn’t a really good friend/kin.

            We’re not talking here about what you tell your mother or friends, we’re talking about workplaces.

            And no, I don’t think telling your workplace early, then telling them about your miscarriage, is a good way to undo the secrecy around miscarriages. It just makes a grieving person have to cope with more possibly painful stuff in the moment.

            1. Lenora Rose*

              Frankly a better way to get rid of stigma about pregnancy and miscarriage would be to not the the bosses and non-corporate HR get away with **Not knowing why this whole incident was wrong on several levels** just because they are a bunch of cis men, and therefore don’t happen to be the folks who would carry the baby. A point a few people have mentioned but seems to vanish under all the other wrongness.

            2. SimplytheBest*

              Great. You get to do what works for you, but someone making a different decision is not “reckless” nor deserving of your judgement.

              1. Lenora Rose*

                I think you’re vastly overstating how judgemental I am based on a single off the cuff word choice. I wouldn’t be saying this to a coworker’s face. Maaaybe to a person I was especially close with, and would consider a friend, I would discreetly pull them aside and say “I know this is the thrill of a lifetime to you, but maybe be careful about announcing so early.”

          4. Salymander*

            Or maybe just that telling everyone really early on means that there is a greater chance that you will have to explain things to a whole lot of people later. I had a rather late miscarriage, and it was so painful having so many conversations about it with well meaning people who heard I was pregnant but hadn’t heard about the miscarriage. I wasn’t ashamed or keeping it a secret, I just didn’t want to deal with it quite so many times with so many people. Even really kind people can be a bit thoughtless in their comments and it was a total nightmare that lasted a couple of months.

            1. Artemesia*

              yeah it isn’t about shame — it is about the misery of having to talk about it over and over with people you don’t know that well or having people who haven’t heart yet all enthusiastic about the coming baby. My daughter lost one at 12 weeks and of course the family knew and could be there for support — but it wasn’t something she wanted to share with the workplace.

            2. Anonymous4*

              EXACTLY. I had a friend at work whom I liked a lot but didn’t see much; we’d talk on the phone periodically, and when she told me she was pregnant, I was just thrilled for her! Then we didn’t chat for a few weeks because I was out of town, and when I had occasion to call her about a work thing, I cheerfully asked, “So, how do you like being pregnant so far?”

              When she told me that she wasn’t anymore, I wanted to dig a hole, climb in, and pull it in after me. And the bad part wasn’t my embarrassment and mortification, although I had plenty of both — it’s that my embarrassment and mortification were due to the solid knowledge that I had stuck a big sharp thumbnail right into an excruciatingly painful place.

              So, yes, a widespread early announcement is not always the best idea.

              1. Salymander*

                I’m sure you felt terrible. Those weren’t the worst comments for me though. It wasn’t great, but it was over quickly and clearly unintentional.

                The worst comments after my late miscarriage were the ones where the person was trying to be helpful or give advice. That never, ever ends well.

            3. Lenora Rose*

              I’m sorry you went through that. I was somewhat lucky in my work experience; I mentioned it to a few people at a place I was temping, then wasn’t called back there again for about two months. Not being a regular, it didn’t spread far, and by the time I was explaining to those few why I was still able to come in, it was also old news for me, and I had my reactions under more control.

    7. Momma Bear*

      Agreed. It is in no way her fault that Jessie’s announcement was poorly planned and executed. I’m a mother and not a germaphobe and I would be horrified to suddenly be tossed a used pregnancy test from a coworker. I hope OP continues to press about the harassment, and documents it with Abby and encourages Abby to report it as well. I think OP did the right thing and Jessie is just taking out her hurt feelings on the wrong person. “Actually, Jessie, throwing a stick you peed on at a person and continuing to harass them about it is gross, so please stop.” HR needs to grow up, too.

      I’m still floored anyone thought this was a good way to announce her pregnancy to her *coworkers*. How far have these professional lines been blurred, not only with this but in general? I didn’t even hand my own mother a pregnancy test! And knowing Abby is a germaphobe? Very wrong of Jessie on many levels.

      Part of me also hopes that Abby is invaluable to the team and she bails for a less juvenile workplace, leaving Jessie and team hanging.

      1. generic_username*

        Yeah, reading this made me question whether I’ll hang onto the tests I take long enough to let my husband see them once we start trying. I find even holding my own test while I wait for the results to be quite gross…. Throwing it at someone feels a bit like assault

        1. Sled Dog Mama*

          Yeah I took a picture of mine to show my husband but that was after washing my hands and laying it out on a plastic bag to keep the counter clean and I don’t consider myself a germaphobe just you know not gross.

        2. NoNotNan*

          In a plastic bag, take a picture, there are alternatives between “eww never share” and “hand unwitting people things I used on the toilet.” I remember flipping past a Real Housewives episode back when channel surfing happened and one of the ladies had a BOX of pee sticks from two prior pregnancies. A. Box. These are not keepsakes!

          Of course, if you try a long time and don’t want to spend big money on single use plastic… Wondfo is a good alternative. 50 pack of ovulation tests, 20 pack of pregnancy tests, almost no plastic

          1. Ashley*

            I generally agree but again this is a workplace and not your group of personal friends. So putting it in a bag and showing off to friends is one thing, but making a co-worker look at something like that to me is a crossing professional boundaries.

        3. Alice's Rabbit*

          Personally, I do the dip-in-the-cup method, so the stick doesn’t get splashed. And even then, I put it in a cellophane bag before surprising my husband with the good news. Because I don’t want to risk touching the business end if the cap gets knocked off.

      2. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

        I’m a mother and not a germaphobe and I would be horrified to suddenly be tossed a used pregnancy test from a coworker.

        I have, in my adult life, raised, or otherwise taken care of, two humans, a dog, two cats, two rats, a chinchilla. Plus the occasional cleanup when ex-husband with a drinking problem would get sick in unexpected places. I’m no stranger to body fluids and solids. And I would freak the heck out if a coworker tossed their used pregnancy test at me.

        Part of me also hopes that Abby is invaluable to the team and she bails for a less juvenile workplace, leaving Jessie and team hanging.

        Transfer to corporate, and take OP with her!

      3. Not So NewReader*

        I would not say “please stop”. I would just say “stop”. Then add that one more mention of this incident will cause a write up to happen. I don’t think OP has the authority to write up Jess but she can write up a safety issue because of the pee and because of the on-going harassment.

    8. Red 5*

      Hard agree. This is absurd that anybody is even remotely taking Jessie’s side in this.

      If it was just that Jessie had some hurt feelings and she and Abby needed to work out the whole thing together then it would be one thing but Jessie is 100% in the wrong here.

      It doesn’t really matter that Abby is known to be a bit of a germaphobe, and the fact that we’re still dealing with an infectious disease/years of considering sanitation more than we ever have before. Those things all just make it even more egregious that Jessie even considered this appropriate.

      She was in the wrong, full stop. I don’t think filming coworkers while you announce your pregnancy to them is appropriate either, but if you wanted to do that the appropriate way to do it is to like make a cutesy photo or get a card or something.

      The whole idea of filming people’s reactions when you tell them you’re pregnant is super weird to me, even if it’s trendy right now (most recent example I know of: the woman on TikTok who handed her brothers a used pregnancy test and one of them took the cap off and put the thing in his mouth because he thought it was a vape).

      It’s just so performative and weird. Be happy without trying to go viral online, and don’t drag unsuspecting co-workers into your online stardom dreams. Especially don’t do it with something covered in urine.

      1. Data Analyst*

        Right?? I would not be grossed out to hold a pregnancy test of a family member, or quite possibly even a coworker, if they asked me to look at it or something. So I am definitely not a germaphobe. But I would still react very poorly to one being thrown at me or otherwise foisted on me without permission. Just NO.

      2. horrified*

        What if you are announcing your pregnancy to a co-worker you don’t know is struggling with IVF or miscarriages or whatever? Putting someone on the spot to film their reaction is selfish and inconsiderate and completely ignores the fact that hearing about someone else’s pregnancy doesn’t automatically launch every nearby human being into a paroxysm of joy. For some people it’s hard to hear and putting them on the spot may capture other conflicting emotions that no one would be entitled to see publicly for their own 5 minutes of fame.

        1. BlueSwimmer*

          Just getting ready to type this exact thing, horrified.

          I’m infertile and have struggled with it for years. I always show happiness when I congratulate co-workers and friends who announce their pregnancies, but in private I grieve a little because it brings it to the surface every time. If someone threw a pregnancy test at me while I was at work, and expected me to perform for the camera, I would be beyond upset.

          Jessie seems to have what my mom calls “Star of your own world” syndrome– the rest of the workplace is literally her audience in this and she is the star whose life-events should bring joy to all the little people around her. It’s so attention-seeking. Ugh. Poor Abby.

          1. Freya*

            Yeah, quite a few people I know have announced their pregnancy over the last month and publicly I’m excited and happy and then I go home and log off and cry. I’m never going to harsh their yay, and I feel a yay for them too, but it’s starting to feel a bit relentless.

        2. meagain*

          I cringe to think of any video capturing the look on my face with the latest pregnancy announcement, leet alone flinging a disgusting test at me – putting on the fake, brave smile that doesn’t reach my eyes, but the camera probably picking up that flash of horror, shock, and sadness, and attempt to look “excited” or “happy.”

        3. Biology dropout*

          So much this. I had a really traumatic loss and even rapid Covid tests are a bit emotional for me to do now. I lose it a little every time I see a pregnant test on social media (which is far too often, fuck you very much Mom groups.)

      3. Not So NewReader*

        The whole video thing has that “I’m the first woman EVER to give birth!” feel to it, which is a tiring thing to have to listen to/deal with.

        1. Anonymous4*

          I worked with one like that. Not close-by, but I was privileged to be within earshot of all her All About Me Gabfests. When she got pregnant, I thought I’d put an icepick through my eardrums because that would be less painful than getting all the pregnancy-jabber, all day, every day.

          Then she had the little rugrat. It was a cutie — and it ran her back and forth, day and night. For the first time in Gabfest’s life, she was not the person in charge, and yes, she DID have to figure out why the little one was screaming (and it wasn’t because the baby loved Gab’s new outfit). I left that company shortly thereafter, but as far as I could see, that baby did Gab a world of good.

      4. Alice's Rabbit*

        Also, it’s one thing to film your husband’s reaction. I did that one time, though I didn’t share the video, and he loves having that moment preserved. Or the grandparents’ reactions. Or other close friends and relatives, who are likely to be emotional about it.
        But coworkers? Most coworkers are going to be politely happy for you, and that’s about it. Nothing worth filming.

    9. RC*

      Not to mention, this was done AT WORK. Not with Jessie’s family, who presumably give a crap, but to other human adults who may not. WTAF.

      1. Rose*

        Thank you – this is one of the things really bothering me. Like do you think your coworkers are soooo invested in your reproduction that they’re going to have great filmable reactions? I have been genuinely excited/happy when work pals told me they were pregnant, (excited) voices were slightly raised, but I wasn’t crying or jumping up and down. It feels really out of touch and self centered to expect “let’s film this” level reactions from people who aren’t your family or close friends. I’ve seen people do this with their parents and grandparents and it’s adorable, but anyone outside your inner circle (whomever that may be) it’s just awkward.

        1. MigraineMonth*

          If a coworker I wasn’t close with told me they/their SO were pregnant, my reaction would be to smile and say, “Congratulations” in a low-key way. Maybe ask if they’ll need any coverage while they’re out on parental leave.

          Not very instagrammable.

        2. Bagpuss*

          Also, even if you are happy to congratulate your coworker on their pregnancy you may not want to be part of their video. I would not be OK with someone taking photos of me at work, let alone video, and my reaction would most likely be to ask for it to be deleted.
          People *choosing* to record messages for a coworker is one thing, but ambush video?
          Even without the throwing a used urine dip and the subsequent bullying and victim blaming there are issues with how Jessie and Daniela behaved

        3. Salymander*

          I know. I don’t really understand why anyone would think that their coworkers would be ecstatic and fascinated and super excited by their news. I mean, I would be happy for the person, but not jumping around and cheering. I would certainly never expect someone to be that personally invested in my pregnancy either. This whole situation sound exhausting.

    10. AnonInCanada*

      “Oh gross!” is right! Germaphobe or otherwise, you don’t throw a used pregnancy test, or any test for that matter (complete with bodily fluids) at someone. Abby is in the right, everyone else (except OP) is in the wrong and owes Abby an apology.

      1. Mockingjay*

        I think being a germaphobe in a global pandemic is a good thing. Abby should be held up as an example.

        OP, push back with management. This is ridiculous. Regardless of why – pee stick or other – bullying in the office creates a HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT. Jessie should be shut down immediately and disciplined in whatever manner the company has designated.

        1. Abogado Avocado*

          Uh, no. In the United States, the term “hostile work environment” is a legal term that applies only if that environment has been created because a person is experiencing that environment due to a characteristic that the law protects — e.g., race, ethnicity, gender, religion, etc. The law does not protect against a difficult work environment that is difficult because your coworker or boss is a garden-variety asshole. If they’re acting like an asshole because of your race, gender, ethnicity, religion, etc., then the law protects you. Otherwise, no.

          1. Mockingjay*

            Thank you for correcting me; I didn’t stop to think clearly in my indignation!

            But as a manager, I hope OP pushes back on Jesse’s behavior regardless.

          2. Ismonie*

            If her germaphobia rises to the level of an actual or perceived disability, it could be hostile work environment, or if Jessie targeted her, say, based on race, it could be, but generally yeah you’re correct.

    12. GreyjoyGardens*

      Same here! Jeepers! It’s NOT abnormal or weird or “body shaming” to not want to touch someone else’s pee. Gross, and if I were Abby I’d probably have reacted the same way.

    13. Federal Worker Drone*

      Right??? There is NO way I would ever apologize to Hessie and I would die on the hill that if Abby does not get profuse apologies from Jessie AND Daniela.. we’ll zi don’t know what.

      This company needs the Jean snd Jorts HR department locally. “Pam will not throw her used pregnancy tests at coworkers.”

    14. Just Wanna Leia-Round*

      I’ve never commented on this site in my time reading AAM, but I had to with this one. I fully agree Abby is owed an apology, and on top of that, there needs to be a company-wide safety class. Throwing bodily fluid at someone is considered assault, and in all honesty, Jessie needs a class herself on how to behave appropriately in the workplace, along with the managers who think this is alright??
      I mean, I know that every manager has their blind spots due to implicit or explicit bias. It’s a well-studied phenomenon. But to defend someone LITERALLY throwing something with pee on it at someone is beyond the pale. I was pregnant and I announced it by telling people “Hey, I’m carrying a little chest-burster!” I never threw a fricking used pregnancy test at anyone!
      Also, dearest letter writer: Start looking for another job. Immediately. The way management has handled this and the bullying points to a company culture that is incredibly unhealthy, and I’m willing to bet if you sit down and think, you’ll start seeing all sorts of red flags of dysfunction because in no well-adjusted workplace would someone who had a fricking pee stick thrown at them be at fault. All the best, and I truly hope that things change or you find somewhere that isn’t bananapants.

    15. My head is exploding*

      1. You are not crazy, your HR and management is.
      2. Can you contact corporate HR and have them speak to your on-site HR and management about how incredibly off base they are in their reactions? A memo is not nearly enough to rein this in.

    16. Silent Fan*

      I said “eww” before you even explained it. Yeah. ABBY is owed the apology! I would have reacted the same way, and I’m not a germ-a-phobe. WTF!

    17. CASH ASH*

      I don’t get why she would want to video her coworker’s reactions? Friends and family yes, but coworkers? Getting handed something someone peed on IS GROSS. Not appropriate for the office. She didn’t even put it in a ziplock baggie.

      OP wasn’t wrong and if the intimidation and bullying continue because of this situation, they should report back to corporate HR.

      1. Salymander*

        It sounds like maybe Jessie is one of those people who think they are in some super glamorous and exciting Instagram/Hollywood fantasy life. They are over the top dramatic about everything, and they see other people as being like characters in their exciting drama/life. It is exhausting to deal with people like this. Their actions don’t make sense because they conform to whatever their personal fantasy of the moment is, and if you get in their way then you are in for a rough time. I have a couple of people like this in my family, and they are very unpleasant.

    18. Rachel 2: Electric Boogaloo*

      This. I’d have been grossed out, too, if someone tossed something at me that had been PEED ON.

    19. Some Dude*

      It’s a PEE STICK. You threw biohazard at someone and are catching feelings because they didn’t appreciate it? COME ON!!!!!!!!!

      Couldn’t she have gotten a printout from her doctor of a positive pregnancy test? Or a little onesie? Or told people she was pregnant and videoed their reactions? Instead of hurling a urine soaked medical test at them? Jumpin Jehosephat.

    23. raincoaster*

      Abbey is at least entitled to pee on a pregnancy test and throw it at Jessie. See what you start when you set bad precedents?

      1. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

        At this point, I think Abby gets to pee on an object of her choice, really. Possibly she can pee on an otherwise-blank apology card from the dollar store to “sign” it and hand it off to Jessie…

    24. TW1968*

      Ditto that! I feel like I’d ask everyone including ‘local’ HR and ‘corporate’ HR (everyone that thinks you and Abby should apologize to these other dingleberries), in an EMAIL so there is no “confusion” about the message later: “Just to clarify, Jessie threw an item, THAT HAD BEEN SOAKED IN HER OWN URINE, at another coworker, ‘Abby’. Abby, not surprisingly, reacted poorly to this. Now Abby is being subjected to bullying and both she and I are being considered for disciplinary action unless we publicly apologize to Jessie, Abby for reacting to having a urine soaked item thrown at her, and me for reporting this to corporate HR. Am I understanding the situation correctly? If I am, are you saying that it is acceptable to throw items with urine on them at coworkers and this is acceptable behavior in the office? Is this limited to items with urine on them or are items with any body fluids on them acceptable to throw at coworkers? I have many more questions about this (example what if someone is injured/infected as a result) but if you can first tell me if this is acceptable behavior or not, that will give me direction on my next steps.”

      1. Anonymous4*

        Is this limited to items with urine on them or are items with any body fluids on them acceptable to throw at coworkers?

        I’m dyin’ here! The only thing that might possibly — just possibly — make that set of questions any better is if the query, “Are used tampons acceptable?” is added, along with, “If not, why not?”

        1. Christina*

          “Personally, I sometimes have an issue with fecal incontinence, which requires an adult “disposables.” Is it appropriate to let people know I’m going home for the day by throwing the diaper at them? How about if I just show them? Its awkward to use words to say “my GI system is really on the fritz today and it will be more pleasant if I’m at home” – its much easier to show people. Also, I get really cranky at times of the month – wearing my tampons as earrings would give an easy signal to people without me having to explain. I’ve always thought this is a brilliant idea – although inappropriate – but since throwing something covered in urine on seems to be actively encouraged in this organization, I think this might be just the place for used tampon earring signaling. “

          1. Splendid Colors*

            And if my COVID test is positive, can I throw it at people wrapped in a phlegmy tissue to let them know they need to quarantine?

    25. Mallory Janis Ian*

      What is even the matter with the people who think Jessie is the one who is owed an apology? Abby is the one owed an apology.

    26. TG*

      If anyone did that to me I would’ve been so mad – of course I’m happy when someone shares good news but the way Abby did it is absolutely the worst. Keep your pregnancy test you peed on at home

    27. jessi*

      yeah, if ur gonna do that the least u could do is put it in a Ziploc bag so ur not throwing a literal pee stick at someone..

    28. Amethystmoon*

      Agreed. We are in a pandemic. Things that might have bodily fluids on them should absolutely be properly discarded, not thrown at people.

    29. Juam Moore*

      Jessie is lucky I’m not in that office. If she’s going to refer to her baby as gross in order to punish/bully another, I’ll double down on it.
      Hey Jessie, how’s your gross baby today.
      Etc etc
      Extreme passive aggressive, but it works.

    30. Erin*

      +1 don’t throw things at your co-workers, especially things that are drenched in urine or any other bodily fluid.

      I would have reacted with “eeww gross” and most likely much more if someone threw their used pregnancy test at me.

    31. Aunty Fox*

      Abby is definitely owed an apology. Unexpected projectiles are not normal in a professional environment and pee covered ones are entirely unacceptable. That said, I think OP already went above and beyond by going to corporate HR to calm down the silliness and Abby now needs to ask her manager or go to the HR head lady herself. OP might want to quietly let Abby know the HR lady has the full story and is approachable but then I’d say there isn’t much more she can do here.
      I find the whole culture around ‘everyone must be excited I am pregnant simply because we share an office’ weird and insensitive anyway (as well as dull, I am not personally baby oriented).

    32. MCMonkeyBean*

      I am truly baffled as to how anyone in this office is not 100% on her side of this super clear-cute issue!

      I am childless by choice so maybe I’m biased, but I feel like no one other than your spouse and maybe your parents would want to see in-person your actual pregnancy test, right???

      I also understand how a newly-pregnant person would be so excited that they would forget “oh, to people who aren’t me this is basically just a stick I peed on” so I wouldn’t necessarily hold it against someone for bringing it in–I think it sounds like OP’s response in the moment was super reasonable! “Congratulations, but hey this isn’t super appropriate to bring to the office, please put it away.” And if things had ended there then I’d say everyone is fine.

      But all the fallout described is so ridiculous! I’m glad at least your corporate HR was reasonable, but I’m not sure how useful they would be in continuing to ease the remaining drama?

  2. FridayFriyay*

    As a 5 year infertility veteran who did YEARS of unsuccessful IVF and had multiple recurrent miscarriages I am having a visceral reaction to this. Work was my sanctuary while I went through all this. I like to think I’m generally a reasonable person and I did avoid pregnancy and kids discussions with my coworkers mostly while I was going through this (everyone was super nice and understanding) but if someone handed me a used positive pregnancy test I’d probably have had an involuntary panic attack. For so many reasons this is both inappropriate and unkind.

    1. LadyByTheLake*

      I was coming to say this — set aside the inappropriateness of throwing a used medical device at someone (particularly one that was used in the toilet) — this is an incredibly unkind way to announce a pregnancy if someone in the office has reasons to be sensitive about pregnancy announcements. Jessie and Daniela are incredibly thoughtless, bordering on cruel, and need some serious sensitivity training.

      1. Momma Bear*

        Agreed. I had a miscarriage and something like this might have made me burst into tears when everything was still raw. No one at work knew because I didn’t discuss it with my coworkers. Jessie was horribly insensitive and self-absorbed.

    2. Is it Friday yet*

      Yes. THIS. As someone who had multiple miscarriages, I probably would have broken down in tears in the office. This is not in any way appropriate.

    3. I'd Rather Be Eating Dumplings*

      Yeah, that was my first thought actually — handing a positive pregnancy test to someone who has experienced infertility or loss would be exceptionally cruel, and Jessie probably doesn’t have any way of knowing who those people might be.

      1. Flossie Bobbsey*

        Exactly. My first thoughts were the same. It is so self-absorbed if Jessie or local HR thinks this fiasco was at all appropriate. The people who would be upset by this “prank” for infertility and loss reasons aren’t readily identifiable and can include people of every age, gender, marital status, and any other demographic.

    4. tiny*

      I’m sorry you went through that, and I agree – the pranksters are effing lucky as hell that all they got in the moment was “gross!”

    5. BuckeyeIT*

      I’ve also battled infertility (13 years & many miscarriages) and I completely agree. Not that I expect anyone to walk on eggshells around me, but it was really thoughtless on Jessie’s part.

      And even though I’ve taken a TON of my own tests, I think I would have tossed back her used pee stick too. You’d think that after two years of this people would be more aware of germiness in general.

    6. Very Anon*

      Like, even before we get to the, um, execution of this announcement, the expectation of filming real time reactions to a pregnancy announcement at work is a loaded idea for this reason. And also, like, I like my coworkers, so I am/would be happy for them if they announced a pregnancy, but they are my coworkers and not my personal friends, so I would not want to take part in celebration that is largely performative (again, performative because they are coworkers, not friends, and for social media), even though I personally have made peace with the fact that I can’t have kids.

      1. Huttj*

        Heck, I remember when one of my friends announced his kid was on the way and I’m sure the expression on my face in the moment was….not what I would have consciously chosen (combination of personal stuff, the unexpectedness of the announcement, and some other stuff).

        In that situation I would have been a mix of “ok” “why are you telling ME?” and “why is there a camera?”

        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          I know – how would Jessie have reacted if the first person was someone who went “and I personally need to know about this right now because…”
          Probably would have rained just as hard on her parade as well.

      2. Jaybee*

        Yes. I’m honestly confused by the entire thing, because it seems like Jessie was expecting some kind of interesting, ‘filmable’ reaction – from coworkers. The standard reaction to a coworker’s pregnancy announcement I’m pretty sure is just ‘congratulations, that’s awesome’. It’s not like announcing to family and friends who might have an actual emotional response to a new baby in the family.

        1. Putting the Pee in Performative*

          Throwing a peed-on stick at people aside, I’m pretty stunned at Jessie’s presumption that coworkers will have a video-worthy response to her pregnancy announcement. Sure, I’d be happy for a coworker who happily announced a pregnancy, but to expect emotive joy for the family growth of work-proximity acquaintances is really asking way too much. That Abby is being penalized for ruining the video makes me hate my own office less.

        2. Bubbles*

          Totally! Even for a co-worker I really like and would feel excited for, my reaction would not be worth filming. Add to that the awkwardness of being put on camera by surprise

          1. LazyPuffin*

            Exactly. It sounds like Jessie got caught up in those daddy or grandparent reveals that seem to be all over social media and didn’t stop to think that it just wouldn’t translate to co-workers. The whole concept is weird and icky.
            Abby’s reaction was absolutely natural.

        3. Freya*

          Yeah, coworker reactions should be ” yay! Now when do you want to think about scheduling a meeting to discuss what we need to do when you go on leave? We have 6 months, do you need help getting the procedures manual up to date?”

      3. MissBaudelaire*

        This was what I thought, as well. Even if I love babies and would be happy for that person, I don’t want my reaction filmed and I sure as shit don’t want a used pee stick tossed at me with no warning. There are plenty of ways to do a pregnancy announcement, and none of them involve bodily fluids.

        I do work with some people that I am friends with and I’m sure they would be over the moon if I announced a pregnancy. I have some coworkers who wouldn’t care, and they deserve to feel their feelings and not have a camera on them when I tell them.

    7. kc*

      I also had many years of infertility and recurrent miscarriages. When I finally announced my pregnancy at work (at 30 weeks, thanks for the cover pandemic) I made sure to do so in an email. That allowed everyone to have time and space to react and not be put on the spot. No one knows what others have gone through and some people need space. I also was very business focused in the email- I am pregnant, I will be taking leave, here is the plan for covering my work while on leave.

      1. Ismonie*

        That is really thoughtful of you. I did something similar. Phone call to my boss, mentioned it in chat to my coworkers. I’ve been through RPL, so I don’t tell early either.

    8. Rose*

      Lord. I didn’t even think of this (distracted as I was by or her idiocy). Thanks for sharing this perspective. I’m sure it would be hard to hear either way, but 1:1 with a camera in your face is a full on nightmare.

      I’m so sorry for your fertility struggles and your miscarriages.

      1. BenAdminGeek*

        Same here. Didn’t occur to me initially because I was focused on bodily fluid grossness, but it makes sense it would be horrible for someone who might be struggling, or pregnancy isn’t a happy memory, or…. a host of other things!

    9. Sled Dog Mama*

      I had 2 miscarriages before having my now 7 year old daughter and then lost a full term healthy* baby at 9 days old. I would not react well to this either.

      *She was not healthy despite the doctor’s assuring me she was and only made it to term because I was acting as a life support machine. 9 days was how long it took her organs to fully fail after that support was removed and she was on dialysis and a ventilator for part of that 9 days.

    10. I've Escaped Cubicle Land*

      This was one of my first thoughts. Pushing past the obvious grossness of urine covered pee stick, what if it was thrown to someone had had fertility issues or had a prior miscarriage? Is someone bursting into tears the “reaction” they really want to capture?

      1. The Magpie*

        And would everybody start bullying the heck out of the person who burst into tears because of miscarriages/infertility? Probably, because Jessie sounds very far up her own butt, and that’s just unthinkably cruel. Like, that’s “I might have to quit my job, because I cannot handle this and it’s destroying my health” levels of cruel.

    11. Not So NewReader*

      I was waiting for someone to point this out. We just don’t know what kind of private hell a person is going through. If this scenario here describes Abbey then that only raises the level of offense that Jess has committed.

      The way Jess is carrying on and on, I think the best response from the company is to show her the door.

    12. Vin Packer*

      Relatedly, I wonder: does this company offer extended, PAID parental leave? Flexible schedules? Exemplary healthcare for the child-birthing process and the dependents once they exist?

      Or do they have none of that, and their entire idea of supporting a pregnant employee is to demand that everybody act delighted when she throws her dried pee at them?

      1. FridayFriyay*

        Coverage for fertility treatments so that people who need assistance can get and stay pregnant? Bereavement leave for people experiencing pregnancy losses? So many ways they could ACTUALLY provide support…. and yet…

    13. Despairing of Humanity*

      THIS WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT
      Last year my brother in law announced that his wife was pregnant by doing a “surprise, we’re pregnant” and sending us the 12 week sonogram, on what would have been the first birthday of the baby I had miscarried. I am fairly certain I had a mental breakdown. We’ve since had two unsuccessful rounds of IVF, and I would have freaked out even irrespective of the whole pee thing.
      These reaction to pregnancy announcement things can be damaging!!

    14. CoveredinBees*

      Yeah. Work was my sanctuary too. The only person in my office who had kids was a grandmother. Everyone else was mostly recently out of college and single* so pregnancies weren’t happening around me at work and no one had interest in talking about kids. I had a near-fatal pregnancy loss during infertility treatments and I went back as quickly as I felt physically able, despite having more than enough leave. I wanted to keep my mind busy and it was ideal that it was busy in a kid-less environment.

    15. Ellie*

      I agree. The pee on the stick thing doesn’t bother me at all, but this could be incredibly hurtful if Abby was struggling with infertility, or any issues around children really. Also, why would you involve someone in your pregnancy announcement without their knowledge? That’s a really weird thing to do.

      Since they’re using the ‘you think my baby is gross’ angle, I’d avoid that completely by dropping the pee stick references and just concentrate on how people need to be sensitive to the needs of others. Is there any way to raise a complaint through HR that concentrates on the bullying angle, and how problematic it is to involve others in their pregnancy announcements without their consent? I mean, I’m assuming if she’d thrown the stick at Danielle with prior planning, etc. it wouldn’t have been such a big deal?

  3. Murfle*

    I don’t have any recommendations, but I’m surprised NO ONE is bringing up the fact that a positive pregnancy test could also have been misinterpreted as a positive rapid-antigen test for covid.

    I mean…. if my coworker tossed me a freshly-used test indicating that they had covid, especially since everyone made the effort to get vaccinated, you’d bet your ass I’d be freaking out. And considering Abby is a germophobe, she’d have EVERY REASON to hit the roof here.

    1. Murfle*

      Ack, let me rephrase that second para a bit:

      I mean…. if my coworker tossed me *something that looked like* a freshly-used test indicating that they had covid, especially since everyone made the effort to get vaccinated, you’d bet your ass I’d be freaking out. And considering Abby is a germophobe, she’d have EVERY REASON to hit the roof here.

      1. a tester, not a developer*

        I accidentally scared the heck out of my husband doing something like that. Was sick in the middle of the night, did a rapid Covid test, forgot to throw it out. My husband hadn’t seen the rapid tests before, so he was concerned that I had been doing a pregnancy test.

    2. Dust Bunny*

      Former veterinary assistant here: I would probably think, “OMG YOU HAVE HEARTWORMS!” Or parvovirus.

      1. Stay-at-Homesteader*

        That would have been an AMAZING reaction. “My condolences on your heartworm. Do you have a good vet?”

      2. The OG Sleepless*

        Veterinarian here and I sort of thought the same! Especially if it had turned that really dark blue…

      3. CoveredinBees*

        That’s a video I’d want to watch. I don’t have any interest in response videos regarding someone’s pregnancy. Just not interesting.

    3. ThatGirl*

      Pregnancy tests and covid home tests look very different, so I don’t think that’s a real high likelihood. But I suppose the possibility is there for someone to misinterpret it.

      1. FridayFriyay*

        There are several brands of home pregnancy tests that look virtually identical to most home covid tests on the market.

        1. CoveredinBees*

          The first time I did a rapid at home COVID test, it triggered a lot of unpleasant infertility memories for exactly this reason.

        1. Momma Bear*

          When the school reminded us that two lines was a positive for the home rapid test, I immediately compared it in my head to a pregnancy test.

          I’m guessing people would not find it so funny to be tossed a rapid test, regardless of result.

        2. Rose*

          Yup, we used the dollar tree ones in the hospital I used to work at. They work just fine, and they look almost exactly like a lot of Covid tests.

          It was a prestigious teaching hospital too, not a low budget place. The dollar tree ones work just fine!

          1. MissBaudelaire*

            I encourage everyone to test first with one from the Dollar Tree. It costs 1.00 (or 1.25 if the price hikes have hit). Buy several and put your mind at ease!

            1. Wendy Darling*

              I wish I’d known this when I was buying $8 apiece pregnancy tests every few weeks because a mutant ovarian cyst made my period go away and I was incredibly paranoid. That shit was expensive.

          2. Unicorn Parade*

            Many years ago I had monthly district meetings and one of the attendees sounds a bit like OP’s Jessie. Every single month for four years there was drama, and I could write a Melrose Place spinoff* based on this one woman. Anyway she finally got engaged and married and immediately after the wedding, the pregnancy scares started. And by scare, I mean every free second of our 8-hour meeting including breaks were spent contemplating whether or not Christina was pregnant. There were only 8 of us, and 6 people were fine with the Christina Show, but I needed a break after the wedding drama, not new drama! So that third month when she started up again, I ran out on my lunch break to a Dollar Tree and picked up ten. Came back from lunch, handed her one, and said “why don’t you just take it and find out for sure?” sweet as can be. I kept them at home and threw one in my purse for our meetings, and whenever she started, I handed her one. After the first six or so, I think the district manager finally said something to Christina and the other six women would go have loud conversations about her uterus on the sales floor where our customers were forced to listen instead.
            *A few highlights:
            1. She found our her fiance cheated at his bachelor party with the stripper, but was determined to marry someone, anyone before she was 30. Her exact words were “I can’t be over 30 and single, it’s too sad!” (I was over 30 and single at the time.)
            2. She was two maids of honor and 8 bridesmaids. One maid of honor broke her leg skiing a few weeks before the wedding. Christina sent our frantic texts begging anyone who could fit in a size 10 dress to stand-in because otherwise her numbers were off, but no one bit, so finally she offered money and paid a coworker she barely knew $250 to be her (second) Maid of Honor.
            3. We worked in a store that is strongly associated with one color. Think Target and red (but a different store/color). Christina’s wedding accent color was that exact shade of red, so everything from the roses to the bridesmaid dresses to the napkins to the wedding cake decorations to the frilly toothpicks to the wedding favors were red. One of her coworkers made a comment about how she had matched her wedding to Target colors and Christina had to leave work early because she was hysterical and sobbing and enraged that the coworker would dare say such a thing.
            4. Apparently she was still so mad about the cheating that she refused to spend the wedding night with her new spouse, and instead spent the late night/early morning with a Tinder hook-up.

      3. Aarti*

        I have not seen a pregnancy test in like 15 years, except pictures online. Never seen a home covid test. Yes, there could be confusion.

        1. Elizabeth*

          Edit – I didn’t buy them! They were a “people who bought X” suggested purchase.

          But let me tell you about citrus reamers and looking up kitchen supplies at lunch with your boss 5 feet behind you…

      5. jane's nemesis*

        yeah, this isn’t true. I have a brand of covid test that looks eXACTly like a pregnancy test.

        1. KateM*

          Me twenty-two or something. Put three drops of pee with a dropper vs put three drops of snot solution with a dropper, wait for one or two lines to appear. Exact same procedure except for from where do you get the stuff to put in.

      6. RebelwithMouseyHair*

        The ones we have here, I couldn’t tell the difference.
        And not everyone has ever done a pregnancy test to have first-hand experience with what they look like.
        I mean, I saw adverts for them before I ever had to test for pregnancy, but I’m pretty sure they were in women’s magazines, not in anything a guy would read.

      7. londonedit*

        The Covid tests we have here (I’m surprised some people haven’t seen home Covid tests, they’re literally everywhere here and people have been advised to test twice weekly for some time) look nothing like a pregnancy test – pregnancy tests are usually long and slim, maybe 5 inches long, with a window in the middle, and the Covid lateral flow tests are little white rectangles about two inches long with just a little test window and a bit where you put the liquid stuff. I don’t think anyone would confuse the two. But still, throwing a used medical test of any kind at someone is gross.

        1. PT*

          In America home covid tests cost $24 for a 2-pack and they are sold out everywhere. You have to go to multiple stores, constantly scour different websites to see when they get new stock in. If you’re lucky your health department will be giving them out for free and then you’ll just have to stand in line in the cold for three hours to get some.

          1. Mimi*

            Yeah, I’ve only been aware of them being *available* within the past few months, and we wouldn’t have seen one except we have a friend staying with us who’s been very on top of looking for when they’re in stock.

          2. The Prettiest Curse*

            In the UK, we are fortunate enough that we can get a pack of 7 rapid tests for free (if you can get them, there’s been a shortage for the last month.) You can either order them online or go to a pharmacy and give them a collect code. Of course, since this part of the testing programme has worked pretty well, the government is now talking about discontinuing it…

          3. Wendy Darling*

            The dude on twitter who notifies people of Xbox and Playstation restocks is now also doing covid test stock notifications.

            Which is the only way I was able to get a home test after a recent exposure. I can’t get a non-home test, they’re so short on supplies they’ll only give you a test appointment if you’re symptomatic. Before that I’d never seen one.

        2. metadata minion*

          This seems to vary significantly — the ones I have look very similar to a pregnancy test. It’s a long slim rectangle with the two little lines in a window in the middle.

        3. Eden*

          Not all home covid tests look the same, and not all pregnancy tests look the same. I did a google search for “pregnacy test” and one of the ones in the first 2 rows of results looks exactly like the antigen test I did at home yesterday, just with different trim color. A rectangular piece of plastic with a place to add drops of a sample fluid and a results area with labels for a test line and a control line.

        4. Jaybee*

          You can’t get home COVID tests here. They’re constantly sold out. I only know what one brand looks like because my sister was supplied two kits by her job (a medical testing facility – she can’t work from home and their work has been vital throughout the pandemic, so they made sure all of their employees had home test kits on hand).

        5. ThatGirl*

          This is what I was going by – the pictures I’ve seen online of covid tests do not look like typical pregnancy tests to me. But clearly, I was mistaken.

        6. Mel2*

          It absolutely depends on what brand pregnancy tests you get. Fancy more expensive ones may be long and thin, but cheap basic ones from the Dollar Store do look a lot like many home COVID tests. The cheap ones are basically what are used in medical offices, so you get the same information without the expense, although a tad messier than the pricier long tests that are made to be comfortably placed in the urine stream.

        7. Sashasoo*

          I have 100% bought pregnancy tests that look exactly like the covid test you described. A lot of cheaper brands look like that.

          Also, I don’t know where you are, but where I am home covid tests are definitely not everywhere. They are very hard to find and people are not being encouraged to test twice a week by any stretch of the imagination because there aren’t enough available for people to do that. So it’s very understandable that some people wouldn’t have seen one.

          1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

            Probably UK, like me, given the comments about twice-weekly testing. Rapid antigen tests are absolutely ubiquitous, but manufactured by various different companies, so they look slightly different, and there’s also overlap in style between the variety of covid tests available and the variety of pregnancy tests available.

            I’m past the stage of regular pregnancy testing, and firmly into regular Covid testing (though thankfully through the daily testing regime required when a household member tests positive) so my first thought would definitely be “why has someone thrown an LFD at me” not “squee, Jessie’s pregnant”.

      8. LolaBugg*

        My husband and I have had to do at home rapid Covid tests a few times in the past couple months and they look very similar to pregnancy tests, to the point that when we read the results of the Covid test we announce to one another if we are pregnant or not as an inside joke.

        1. ThatGirl*

          Okay! I stand corrected; the pictures of home covid tests I’ve seen are largely the Binax variety with the flat panel that clearly says covid-19 on it. But I will admit now that I have never taken a pregnancy test OR a home covid test, so clearly I was wrong.

          1. LolaBugg*

            Lol did I ever think my family’s inside joke about Covid tests looking like pregnancy tests would become relevant in an ask a manager post? Nope! But here we are :-)

        2. Aitch Arr*

          My husband: “Are you sure it’s negative? A faint line is a line.”

          Me: “I’ve been pregnant before; of course I know a faint line is a line!”

          (To be fair, Mr. Aitch Arr is my son’s stepfather.)

      9. quagmire*

        I have like 3 different brands of rapid tests, and all of them have a testing strip that looks essentially identical to different pregnancy and ovulation tests I have used over the years. The first at home test my husband used, he joked that I bought 100 for $15 on Amazon.

      10. Red 5*

        It depends on a lot of things, including all of the brands, but especially how much exposure you’ve had to one or the other (and how recently).

        I haven’t seen a pregnancy test in person in…fifteen years maybe? I still know generally what they look like because of using them back in the day and also pop culture. But right now I’m way, way more likely to come across a COVID test stick, and that’s about the only thing I’ve seen people posting on social media, etc.

        So I probably would assume it was a COVID test because that’s what’s on my mind, no matter what size or shape it was. It’s not like I have a comprehensive knowledge of all the different brands of either, so split second reaction your brain is going to fill in the most likely candidate, which is COVID test for most people right now.

      12. Artemesia*

        the home test we used looks like pictures I have seen of pregnancy tests. easy to confuse if you haven’t seen a lot of actual pregnancy tests.

      1. mlem*

        The context clue of “someone just threw a pos/neg stick at me, without warning, in the office, during a pandemic”? I’d think Covid test before pregnancy pee-stick. Hell, I’d personally think feline FIV/FeLV snap test for a second ahead of pregnancy pee-stick, even though that uses dots rather than lines, because I have more experience with the snap test.

      1. COHikerGirl*

        Remember chicken pox parties? There are now COVID parties. I would not be surprised if COVID reveals were a thing.

    6. Lydia L*

      Assuming that it is local HR ‘encouraging’ people to write apologies to Jessie. I would continue to loop Corporate HR in on local HR’s handling of the situation as they are reacting inappropriately and likely exacerbating the bullying situation.

    7. ivy*

      agreed, that was my first thought too

      Recently I saw someone post their postive covid tests on Twitter and a handful of people assumed it was a pregnancy announcement…

  4. AVP*

    What on earth??? Absolutely not, Abby is in the right here! Don’t pass go, please go find a job where people have common sense and boundaries.

    2. AVP*

      What really gets me about this letter is that OP is trying so hard to explain her bosses’ POVs here and make excuses / find Jessie’s behavior reasonable in some way. But even through all of that this situation is so clear cut…it kind of makes me sad to think of these reasonable humans going so far out of their way to make this make sense. (And you just know there’s so much else going on in this workplace…)

      1. Rose*

        I think OP is just questioning their own common sense because it seems like every other person in the office aside from Abbie disagrees. It’s so easy to start to question your own judgement at that point.

    3. Ace in the Hole*

      I work at a garbage dump. Getting covered in dirt, garbage juice, and worse is business as usual. I have been splashed in the face with decomposing rat fluids and have had to change clothes when someone spilled rotting clams on me. Last week I cleaned up a huge spill comprised of a stranger’s blood and the mystery liquid that dripped out of their refrigerator.

      All this to give some context when I say that, as gross as this job is, throwing a used pregnancy test at a coworker would STILL be too unsanitary to be acceptable at my organization.

      LW, you are not crazy. If it’s too gross for garbage workers, it’s definitely inappropriate for the office.

        1. Marillenbaum*

          Same! If there’s ever a Friday open thread where you’re free, I’d love to hear more about it!

      3. Keep your pee away from me*

        This is beautiful. Thank you for painting this visual picture. Seriously, I love everything about it.

    4. The Dogman*

      This option is the only sane option.

      That workplace is a cluster-omni-shambles (with some swearwords in there too perhaps?) and even if the corporate HR get involved I cannot imagine it will be much fun working there with this going on.

      Since LW has no power to discipline or fire the weridos who instigated this situation getting out, and hopefully finding Abby a place to land next, is the safest and sanest choice.

      I was flabberghasted when I read this letter, and nothing usually ghasts my flabber at all… but urine sticks being hurled around the office and then the offender being the victim somehow is bonkers!

      1. GreyjoyGardens*

        My flabber was well and truly ghasted as well (love that phrase). LW, your workplace has some serious serious boundary issues. Run, and if you can, help Abby run, too.

    5. A Poster Has No Name*

      This was pretty much my reaction. The fact that everyone seems to be siding with the person who threw a peed-on object at someone, and not the recipient of said object, tells you everything you need to know about this office.

      1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

        Yup – sounds like the inmates have taken control of the asylum, and you and Abby are the last sane people left. Please get yourself and Abby out of there and make corporate HR aware of the fact you are leaving and why you are leaving

        (It is possible I am being unkind to other coworkers who are just keeping their heads down and staying away from Jennie as their only job preservation option, but if that is the case, well Jennie is creating even more drama and damage than the local HR people want to acknowledge. In fact I put a lot of blame on the local HR for creating the other videos that made Jennie think this whole thing was a good idea in the first place.)

    6. Generic Name*

      Yes! My thought when I read this was, “OP needs to find a new job”. They have given OP no managerial power but are now complaining about her very appropriate management reaction AND upper management is supporting bullying someone who had a normal reaction to getting a peed on object thrown at them. This whole place sounds bananacrackers.

    7. Beth*

      Y’know, not only was the projectile gross — but why the hell should any co-worker assume that they can film me doing ANYTHING in the workplace, for the purposes of posting it on THEIR social media, without my consent? I wouldn’t even want to be filmed at a party held by a close friend, unless I had been asked specifically beforehand.

  5. Blue*

    Where the heck is Jessie’s chain of command in all of this??? They seem like the logical people to get her back down to earth and make things right with Abby.

    1. Just J.*

      No kidding right? Why has Jessie’s direct boss not been looped in already?

      A conversation with Jessie needs to immediately happen that while the office is thrilled she is pregnant, her plans for announcing it backfired. Jessie needs to be told to get her act together, put the drama behind her, and if she continues bullying Abby, a PIP will be forthcoming.

    2. cubone*

      Yeah, in terms of practical advice (and not just ew/poor abby/you’re in the right, all of which is true but I’m not sure really helps the OP proceed), I would want to know where Jessie and Danielas bosses stand in this. Also, if senior HR was horrified, why is an apology letter still being demanded?

      Would it make sense to ask HR for more ongoing support and make them aware Abby is being bullied? Also, it would probably go a long way to make it abundantly clear to Abby you are so sorry this happened to her and ask what you can do to help. And shut down any of those comments when you hear them (or pass them up to HR). Honestly, OP needs to be the squeaky wheel to senior HR (since they’ve demonstrated their take on the matter).

      2. Minerva*

        Yeah seems like the prudent thing to do at this point is have Corp HR take site HR aside and pull rank on this one. And hammer home that:

        *An associate had a used medical device that had been urinated on thrown at her.
        *That in the time of COVID a positive pregnancy test could have easily been interpreted as a positive COVID test, and perhaps Abby underreacted.
        *That harassing Abby over this is completely unacceptable.

    3. The New Wanderer*

      It sounds like the chain of command is backing Jessie and saying Abby owes her an apology for Abby’s “overreaction” to touching a biohazard Jessie threw at her. Which is obviously messed up.

      Corporate HR needs to do FAR more to fix this situation – the “horrified” response was to … send a general memo about basic manners? Honestly, that’s an unacceptable response so no wonder there are still bullying issues. But if local HR and local management are this unreasonable and the office already had a history of bad boundaries (no surprise given how this unfolded), this may not be salvageable even if Corporate HR showed up in person to lay down the law.

      Personally, I’d want to get out before the inevitable explosion-based gender reveal click-bait post attempt.

      1. Felix*

        If I worked in any other office that is part of this company, with no context of this story, I would have a lot of questions about why that memo was sent.

        1. Maya*

          Yeah, I think this is the most ridiculous example of sending a “reminder” to everyone instead of actually talking to the one person in question that I’ve ever heard of.

          TO: All Employees
          Just a friendly reminder to everyone that it is not acceptable to throw your bodily fluids, or anything that you have urinated on, at your coworkers.

          Love, HR :)

      2. Absurda*

        Yeah, sounds like there’s a lot of dysfunction. I wonder if there’s a history of Jessie being a bully or emotional and others just trying to smooth her feelings rather than manage her. If that’s the case, this incident is just the tip of the iceberg and there will be no way to fix or resolve this situation other than kowtow to Jessie or leave.

    4. Gingerbread Gnome*

      Jessie’s chain of command is backing her all the way and expecting Abby and the rest to write an apology. Personally, I think OP should move this up the chain (get back with corporate HR) and let them know that Abby is still being bullied, Jessie’s manager is part of it, and they need to RIGHT NOW come talk to Jessie, her manager, and the rest of the workers that it is NEVER OK to surprise folks with anything that had bodily fluids on it. IMO this is absolutely a firing offense to Jessie, her friend, and her manager for backing them up.

    5. Critical Rolls*

      It sounds like everyone on site has lost their damn minds. The good news is, corporate is (how often do we get to say this) entirely in the right and apparently willing to do something about it!

      BRING DOWN THE HAMMER OF CORPORATE DOOM upon these people! Not because the video idea showed very poor judgement, but because they’re doubling down, bullying someone who was wronged, and inciting the whole office to do the same, which is so far beyond acceptable it’s already tomorrow there.

      1. Essess*

        It might not have been a firing offense (but definitely a serious talking -to/write up) for her initial sharing. But the harassment, bullying, and doubling down on the behavior should become a firing offense.

  6. Shira Von Doom*

    delurking because this is TOO MUCH, LOLOLOL

    I TOO would have yelled “Gross!!” and flung away the PEE STICK, and not only that, but if they tried to bully me about it, there’d be a throwdown. I’m a professional, but if you think you can throw your used urinated objects at me, I’m going to start offering to pee on your chair, since you like it so much.

    2. Important Moi*

      Yes. This seems to be a culture issue. Jessie seems to be liked enough such that no one has told her to knock it off.

      2. GreyjoyGardens*

        I remember the letter of a couple years back where one coworker deliberately dressed up as another coworker for laughs, AND the management backed “Regina George” and not the made-fun-of coworker. This letter reminds me of that, in that both are toxic, narcissistic workplaces that are like toxic, narcissistic families. I wonder if Jessie is some sort of “golden child” who can get away with anything.

      3. tamarack & fireweed*

        It seems relevant to me that this is a marketing department – with, apparently, a pretty unfettered attitude to making “cute” somewhat edgy videos with candid reactions. Which are a recipe for creating havoc and overstepping lines. There’s a lot of this on YouTube and Instagram, and doubtlessly more on TikTok, and a good number of them are made by people as part of their paid employment. To me this means, if your workplace is into producing this kind of content… you need robust ways of dealing with the inevitable fallout.

        As a minor point – clueless lesbian here, who never had the need to use a pregnancy test – I would have dipped the end into a cup of pee and it wouldn’t have occurred to me to directly pee ON it, directionality being what it is, so maybe it’s gonna be more effective to talk about a “pee stick” rather than “your bodily fluids” or “objects that have been urinated on”. Disgust, after all, happens largely in our heads – in actual fact a re-capped pee stick that has been wiped probably exposes whoever touches is to fewer molecules of urine than grabbing a handful of peanuts or skittles from a public bowl, but that’s not at issue here: The issue is that it’s completely understandable that Abby would have recoiled from a used lateral-flow test of any type, and that framing it as disgust about the *pregnancy* or the pregnant body is a polemical over-reaction.

        And even more, that bullying must be shut down!

        (As for guidance, the original team should just have shoved a phone screen with a photo of the pregnancy test in front of the colleague for a candid. Even though it would probably have been less sanitary than the pregnancy test, it *is* socially acceptable to do, in an environment that goes for this kind of semi-consensual reaction video.)

        1. Ismonie*

          Some people pee in a cup and dip, most expensive tests don’t come with a cup, so people pee on the test. Yeah.

        2. GreyjoyGardens*

          Pee issues aside, I do think the “marketing department” is relevant. If they are used to making videos for professional purposes – or “reality TV” type videos that are carefully staged and edited behind the scenes – then they might have allowed boundaries to be blurred in the fashion you describe.

          I think if your work is around reality TV or “Candid Camera” (remember them?) type productions, you want to be extra super careful to hold firm boundaries in your work life. Just because it looks cute in a commercial doesn’t mean it will translate over to reality.

    3. kittymommy*

      I would have yelled “What the f***” and avoided it. Don’t throw things at me. Don’t thrown things that have bodily fluids on them at me.

      I’m going to try to say this as politely as possible…Jessie (and Daniela) are jerks and are being ridiculous. Beyond the above mentioned problems (and if you are going to do this, you tell people ahead of time so they don’t have an unexpected reaction), the insensitivity to someone who may be having personal issues regarding pregnancy/infertility, is astounding. Also, and as much as this might sound mean, not everyone cares about another’s pregnancy.

    4. Generic Name*

      Right?!? When I read she threw a used pregnancy test at someone I involuntarily said, “Ew!”. I am by far not a germaphobe, but even this grosses me out. Just, WTH.

    5. PolarVortex*

      I think my yelling would have had 4 letter words that are workplace inappropriate show up. I mean the fact she limited herself to Gross tells me that lady has either never sworn in her life or has the ability to workplace censor that I need to aspire to.

      1. Salymander*

        Maybe she worked with children at one point. You learn to self censor really quickly that way.

        She definitely works with children now, eh?

  7. Insert Clever Name Here*

    I would 100% go back to your corporate HR and ask them to specifically address the bullying of Abby with each of the perpetrators INDIVIDUALLY and tell them to knock the hell off with that and the pressure on others for an apology.

    WTAF.

    2. LaFramboise (in academia)*

      Yes, agree 100%. This is an incidence to spend your political capital on. IMO, Jessie needs to apologize and the bullying need to stop.

    4. CupcakeCounter*

      Exactly what I came down here to write. Corporate HR needs to know what the local HR is continuing to do

        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          Agreeing with this – and I have to say I’m hoping that local HR has put some of this in writing. It almost seems like the possible start of a hostile workplace with the bullying of Abbie and the pressure to apologize to Jessie (when she started the whole mess!).

    5. EPLawyer*

      YES. Corporate HR needs to know office HR SUCKS.

      This has been handled horribly. Even if you excuse Jesse as having spectacularly bad judgment in the moment, what is going on from there needs to be STOPPED. The bullying of Abby ends THIS MINUTE. Any continued bullying is a termination offense. This includes Jesse and her complaining. Jesse needs to be told that her stunt was a bad idea, there will be NO apology for it not being accepted as a good one. She also needs to be told that her CONTINUED bad judgment in complaining about Abby is not acceptable. That she can AND will be terminated if it continues.

      1. Elle*

        This whole thing seems like a series of bonkers decisions on Jessie’s part: the used pregnancy test, the filming, choosing coworkers for this video, specifically for a video that will be posted to the internet, not getting permission from coworkers to include them, etc. I would be interested in knowing if she just ignores boundaries relating to her personal life and pregnancy or if this bleeds into work more frequently.

    6. Cold Fish*

      Agree. Might I also suggest Corporate HR require Local HR take some training courses (like anti-bullying) as it looks like they need an update on what is appropriate workplace behavior.

      1. Keep your pee away from me*

        Besides the consequences to Jessie, Daniela and anyone else bullying Abby, there should be some consequences to the local HR people. This honestly goes beyond “needs more training.”

    7. Susie*

      Yes, yes, yes. The bullying needs to STOP IMMEDIATELY. Are there no decent manager with common sense in this office?

    8. OlympiasEpiriot*

      I second this.

      OMG! I am absolutely NOT a germaphobe and I would be 100% against this ridiculous announcement and I say Abby needs (1) an apology and (2) a new job far away from these idiots. Jesse and Daniela need to be reprimanded and need to especially apologize to Abby, but, also need to apologize to the entire office.

    9. Lynca*

      You need to go back to Corporate HR with documentation of this. Given the disconnect between the on-site and corporate branch responses, I think you’re going to need evidence of the mismanagement of this situation to get traction. Even though you should not need it for something as egrigous as this.

      I might also suggest that Abby make the complaint with you, if she feels like she can.

    10. EvilQueenRegina*

      This was what I was going to suggest. It sounds like corporate HR were handling it better than the onsite team in the first place, and they would most likely be willing to step in, shut down this rubbish about apology letters to Jessie and all bullying of Abby, who I don’t think did anything really wrong. Forget her reputation for being a bit of a germophobe, a lot of people would likely react the same way to getting that thrown at them!

    11. Tara*

      And encourage corporate HR to call out local HR’s behaviour, it’s shocking they’re acting like this! An apology letter seems to odd in any context, it’s like how you’d get 11 year olds to make nice. And they’ve got it the wrong way round here!

    12. sometimeswhy*

      This. Go back to corporate HR. Forward them anything that’s in writing and give a detailed description of what’s happened since they stepped in initially, use dates if you can.

      1. awesome3*

        Exactly this, if you’re getting a bunch of emails telling you to apologize, fwd those bad boys right along

    13. SpringIsForPlanting!*

      Replying to upvote–Corporate HR seems sane here, so loop them back in immediately. Be as specific as possible with what is going on (the comments, the demands for apologies, any impacts to work that’s observed like people refusing to work with Abby)

    17. Catalin*

      Corporate HR, actively protect Abby, and GTFO of this insane workplace.

      Fox’s sake, I didn’t even want to handle my own pregnancy test. I might actually throw up if someone handed me a peed-on stick.

    18. Kate R*

      Yes. 100%. Someone needs to tell the local HR and managers in no uncertain terms that Jessie and Daniella are 100% in the wrong here. It is they who owe Abby and any other affected employees an apology. Not only is it unhygienic, but they explicitly ignored a well known phobia of Abby’s. That they are still encouraging apologies to Jessie shows they don’t understand the gravity of the situation, and that Abby is continuing to be bullied shows they are not doing their job. Someone above them needs to I address this with them.

      (This also doesn’t even get into the fact that for people struggling with miscarriage or infertility, this sort of thing could be extremely upsetting. And most people probably don’t know their coworkers to that level of detail, so you might not know who is going through what. Which isn’t to say you can’t announce pregnancies at work, but demanding one-on-one reactions from each individual person can be a bit much)

    19. Not So NewReader*

      Since Jess loves videoing so much, why not video her bullying and send it to corporate HR…. or maybe NOT. But definitely something “fun” to think about. “Gee, Jess, since you like videoing so much, I am videoing you now. I know you will be okay with that.”

    20. PolarVortex*

      Corporate HR about the bullying yes, but also about how there’s still pressure to apologize to Jessie. (Since I assume that is also coming from in house HR.) They need to know that their in house team is at best useless, and more likely just finding ways of defying the law laid down by corporate because they still believe Jessie isn’t at fault. (Side note, is Jessie friends with HR? Why on earth would a bunch of dudes think touching a pee covered stick is normal? You’d think they’d have the opposite reaction given how dudes usually are about tampons.)

    22. Venus*

      As flagged elsewhere, Abby was the first target and she is known to have an issue with germs. Is this part of a wider pattern of bullying that is becoming more open?

    23. Jessica Fletcher*

      Yes. LW also says this is part of a pattern of local management encouraging behavior that has caused problems in the past. Corporate HR needs to know what’s happening at this office so they can hopefully rein it in.

    24. Jen Barber, IT*

      Agree with this – a follow up with HR saying that the issue of people bullying Abby is still ongoing and they need to do something a bit more concrete that sending a memo around!

      Good luck to you OP, this is bananas

  8. What's in a name?*

    No one owes anyone else a congratulations on a pregnancy announcement. Period. Let alone when a urine stick is thrown at them. No apology necessary from Abby. Abby should be part of the great resignation for this.

    Hopefully the test was dipped in urine, like they are supposed to be, rather than held below a stream, but still… not cool.

    1. avocadotacos*

      This is a good point. Even when I just saw the title I did think it was inappropriate to do at work. If a coworker threw a pregnancy test at me right now I’d probably burst into tears, not for urine related reasons. If it’s that kind of office you can maybe add in jazz hands or pass out cookies when you make an announcement like that, but Alison has always said to be matter of fact and positive about it. Even the cookies and jazz hands would be too much in most places, and that’s besides the fact that urine was involved here.

    2. Yucky*

      A lot of them actually tell you to hold in a stream rather than dipping. Depends on the test, but that’s pretty common. I’m dealing with infertility, so I’ve taken quite a few pregnancy tests (and read all the instructions very closely).

    4. MistOrMister*

      I have to wonder, what would have happened if someone just had a reaction Jessie didn’t like? As in, seeing the positive test, saying meh, handing,it back and returning to their work (after washng their hands!!). Would the bosses be requiring they apologize to Jessie? Because this seems like it’s just set up for a special snowflake to get butthurt over. I personally do not care about most people’s pregnancies or babies. I don’t understand when people get all squealy and excited over these things for coworkers. If its a close friend, ok. But for Janice in accounting that I only make water cooler chitchat with a couple of times a month….well I hope she wouldnt want to film me reacting to such an announcement because then it would be on tape how little I care and I guess her feelings would be hurt.

      1. Not So NewReader*

        “Oh you want me to throw it out for you, sure thing, you bet!” [Toss into garbage can.]

        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          I’d throw it away too – but in a dumpster that’s harder to retrieve it from. I’d cheerfully make a whole thing of going to the dumpster too.
          You put me in a video – you’ll get a reaction, just probably not the one you were hoping for.

      2. MHA*

        Responding with “meh” to anyone’s (enthusiastic) pregnancy announcement would be incredibly inappropriate, so, yeah, it would probably hurt their feelings, and they wouldn’t be the one having a weird reaction in that circumstance. Of course YOU’RE not excited about the baby, but congratulations (and condolences, for that matter) aren’t about your feelings– they’re an acknowledgment of the OTHER person’s excitement (or pain.) If you seriously can’t muster an “aw, congrats, you must be so excited,” then that’s not something to pat yourself on the back about.

        1. MHA*

          CAVEAT: all of the above if the pregnancy announcement ITSELF is appropriate; handing someone a peestick is NOT appropriate and I’m fully on team Abby “OH GROSS” in that case!

        2. Oofnik*

          Nothing is ever so simple.
          In Jewish tradition, congratulating a pregnancy is very bad luck and seen as tempting fate. You wouldn’t congratulate a pregnancy (and in fact to do so may well be rude and/or inappropriate) but rather say “B’sha’a tova” (“In good time”).

        3. MistOrMister*

          Well, my comment about responding is about this particular circumstance. If someone goes so far as to throw a used pregnancy test at someone else, I don’t feel that a “meh” if you’re not excited for them is inappropriate. I get that two wrongs don’t make a right, but if you have flung a pee stick at me, I don’t feel the need to congratulate you on anything at that point.

          Also, I wasn’t saying that I can’t/won’t give a polite response. But I am not going to fake the level of enthusiasm that a Jessie type person is going to want caught on camera. It sounds like what Jessie expected was along the lines of everyone jumping up and down in excitement, hugging her, looking beyond thrilled, etc. When you have those sorts of expectations, anything less is going to come off as too little so even the normal polite congratulations would likely upset this person as not enough.

    5. Loulou*

      The first line of this comment is wild! If someone tells you they’re pregnant (in a normal way, not by throwing a pregnancy test at you) you absolutely owe them a “congratulations”???

      1. Bekx*

        Agreed. Regardless of whether it’s your cup of tea or not, it’s still polite to say congratulations on a major life event.

        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          I tend to go with “I wish you all the best” for announcements like that. Seems to me just a bit safer than congratulations.

        1. Not So NewReader*

          uhh… yeah. I have often treated pregnancy announcements with caution and that caution has paid off.

        2. Loulou*

          In your personal life, sure, but when you’re announcing life events like pregnancy to coworkers there’s really a social script it’s safe to stick to. I’m pregnant = congratulations, my family member died = I’m sorry for your loss, etc. I’m sure we can all think of an example where we’d say something else to a friend because we have intimate knowledge of their personal circumstances, but work is different.

        3. Loulou*

          I am Jewish too, but in a secular professional US setting some version of “congratulations” is still appropriate for the vast majority of situations! If you’re very religious/superstitious or the pregnant person is then I think “how exciting,” “I’m happy for you,” or some version of “best wishes for an easy pregnancy” would do the trick. The idea is to acknowledge the major life news they have shared, not to cover all possible contingencies.

      3. MHA*

        Yeah, I’m baffled by that. Maybe no one is “owed” basic social niceties in the sense that you’re not (necessarily) going to get fired for not offering them, but it is socially inappropriate and unprofessional not to make the attempt (in a situation where you haven’t just had a peestick thrown at you– Abby’s reaction here was absolutely valid.)

      4. Batgirl*

        I see what you mean, as it’s what I would do and what I would recommend that others do where possible because it’s warm and and pleasant thing to do. That said, it doesn’t take much thoughtfulness to realize how horribly common miscarriages and infertility are. Thoughtful people make pregnancy announcements easy to ignore if someone needs to do so. Also, if it was my pregnancy, while I’m going to want a few congratulations from people I’m closest to, if someone’s reaction is nothing more than “Oh, really” followed by smalltalk then that’s okay! It would have been nice but I wouldn’t be owed anything! Its okay because I’m not a child, or a primadonna.

        1. Loulou*

          Yes, i definitely agree with this! Everything about how this person handled their announcement was insensitive and thoughtless.

  10. A Pinch of Salt*

    I don’t actually *know* anything here, so this is mostly just hopeful thinking. But my god…there has to be a government entity that would be concerned with urine sticks getting thrown around the office. OSHA? Can the county health dept talk some sense into your HR/management?

    1. NoMoreOffice*

      I know where I’m from, even spitting at someone can be considered assault, I would imagine the same would go for having medical waste hurled at your face.

      1. Susie*

        Yes, especially since Abby is being bullied because someone threw a pee stick at her. I just can’t understand why the thought this was a good idea. Like no. Just no.

    2. AndersonDarling*

      If Abby goes to a lawyer, there will be trouble. An employee threw a contaminated item at Abby for a prank, and the executives are retaliating against her for having the proper human response. I’m not saying there is an obvious law being breached, but it is so much of an outrage that an attorney can make the company’s life miserable.
      I would have already called my employment attorney if I was in Abby’s shoes.

      1. The Dogman*

        “Hostile working environment” if nothing else, this could be an expensive legal bill in the making.

    3. Ace in the Hole*

      Probably not. Urine is gross, but not typically a huge health hazard. The OSHA standard for “blood and other potentially infectious material” specifically excludes urine from the definition.

      Now as far as being considered harassment/assault/etc, I don’t know. Certainly seems like part of a pattern of bullying, which is very not good. But as far as safety regulations are concerned I doubt this would be considered any worse than making your employees clean the bathroom or change a diaper.

      1. quill*

        I mean, “potentially infectious” and “safe to throw at a coworker” are completely different categories. I wouldn’t want to be thrown someone’s damp dishrag from cleaning up a coffee spill.

        1. Ace in the Hole*

          Sure, neither would I. But neither damp dishrags nor urine are an OSHA violation. They’re not considered unsafe, they’re just disgusting.

          That doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. Everyplace I’ve ever worked would consider this totally inappropriate, it would be against company policy, etc. But the government doesn’t care about workplace pee sticks on the basis of health/safety regulations.

          1. quill*

            Yeah, it doesn’t have to be an OSHA biohazard to potentially meet the legal definition of assault, and certainly not to meet a company’s standards of unacceptable behavior.

            1. SnappinTerrapin*

              The civil tort of battery is “any touching in rudeness or anger.” In some jurisdictions, it’s “any touching without consent, except as legally privileged.” (In other words, if there is affirmative legal authority to touch someone, for their protection or as a means of enforcing legal custody or control.)

      2. calonkat*

        I don’t know of many offices that you are required to clean up someone else’s urine. And I worked in a garment factory once. I’ve also never been asked to change the diaper of a co-worker.

        My reaction when I got to the “threw the pee stick” part was “oh gross” and I consider it a sign of maturity that I didn’t yell that in my cubicle. Corporate HR needs to be aware of what’s going on and the ongoing issues. I like the idea of Abby having a claim for hostile working environment, and if corporate won’t help, an employment lawyer might be willing to send a letter at least.

        Or when interviewing for her next position, she could explain that the reason she’s looking for a new job is not enjoying being forced to handle the urine of her co-workers.

        1. Ace in the Hole*

          I wasn’t saying contact with urine is normal at an office job, or even that it’s acceptable at work! I was explaining that it’s not an OSHA violation.

          Childcare workers routinely change diapers at work. I’ve had to clean the bathrooms at every retail and food service job I’ve worked, which involved occasionally wiping up pee. I’m now a garbage worker, and we routinely work around items contaminated with urine which occasionally contact our clothes or skin. All of these are perfectly legal and not considered an unsafe work environment.

          Yes, it’s gross. Gross is not an OSHA violation.

          No, it should not be allowed at work. But unacceptable is not the same as illegal. It’s important for people to have a clear understanding of what is ACTUALLY a legal safety violation so they know when and how they can push back with legal protections. It’s against the law (in the US) to fire a worker for refusing to do unsafe things or for reporting a safety hazard. It’s not against the law to fire someone for refusing to put up with something gross, but technically safe.

      3. 30 Years in the Biz*

        Urine is not included in the bloodborne pathogens/OPIM, but can still be considered infectious if it doesn’t have blood in it but has other infectious agents. Universal precautions/standard precautions apply to all blood, body fluids, tissues, and secretions.

    4. SpEd Teacher*

      I agree that throwing a used pregnancy test at someone in the office is out of line and kinda gross. It’s not actually that gross in a disease passing sort of way. I don’t think anyone is going to catch anything touching a pregnancy test that was used a few days/weeks ago.

      Icky, yes. Out of line, yes. A bad idea, totally. Going to spread infection, no.

  11. ThatGirl*

    This seems to have gotten out of hand very quickly.

    Jessie and Daniela need to be talked to separately, to make sure they understand that this was not about Jessie’s pregnancy but the grossness of bodily fluids. They need to apologize to Abby. And the bullying of Abby needs to be shut down.

    But this all needs to be done CALMLY — de-escalated — because it really seems like what should have been a 2 on the crisis scale has been ramped up to an 8. There’s no reason this needed to turn into a giant clusterfork.

    1. The Cosmic Avenger*

      I dunno, even without the pee, ambush videos are bullying to me, especially when you hold it against them for not giving you the reaction you wanted. The only way I see this as acceptable is giving absolutely no judgment on their reaction, and THEN getting their freely given consent to show their reaction to others. Because the OP says “reaction video”, but that’s basically an ambush video if you involve other people.

      1. RebelwithMouseyHair*

        oh yes, I’d be furious if someone did something like that to me.
        But then, in France, if you post any photo or video of anyone without permission, you’re in big trouble.

      3. NNN222*

        Yes, both the ambush video and throwing anything at a coworker are bad without bringing in that it was a pregnancy test. No one should be secretly taping a coworker while doing something to provoke a reaction out of them and no one should throw things at their coworker. None of this is OK and Abby deserves apologies for everything including the bullying over her understandable reaction.

    2. NeutralJanet*

      I could see Abby reacting on instinct by yelling and throwing the pregnancy test, especially if she’s a known germaphobe—having something unexpectedly thrown in your face is likely to trigger a reaction no matter what it is, so I don’t know that it’s fair to say that she escalated the situation more than necessary, which I think is what you’re implying. If she had gotten through her initial response and THEN yelled, that might have been an overreaction, but in the moment, she can’t really be blamed.

      1. ThatGirl*

        To be clear – I have no problem with Abby’s reaction! I’m talking about everything that’s happened since then, mostly from Jessie’s side, and the nonsense about people needing to apologize to her. It just seems like everyone is very hyped up about this when it should not have devolved into a bunch of nonsense.

        1. NeutralJanet*

          Okay, understood! I thought you might be saying that both sides were to blame for the issue being escalated way beyond where it should have been—turns out we are on the same page after all!

    3. CupcakeCounter*

      Unfortunately I have worked in places where everything becomes a 9 or 10. I literally got a complaint once that Jane was out sick on the same day as Nancy’s birthday treat so obviously Jane hates Nancy and Jim and Kate both took the same week off so they are obviously going on vacation together and leaving out George or were possibly having an affair and should we notify someone? (George was not the complainer, Jim and Kate were not on vacation together or having an affair as Jim was on his honeymoon with John and Kate was on the opposite side of the country dealing with a very sick parent, and no one liked Nancy…who was also not the Jim/Kate/George complainer).
      And no…this was not middle or high school kids. These were 30-somethings. I didn’t work there long.

      And you are correct…the second Abby said gross it should have popped into Jessie and Daniela’s heads that “ohhhhh…there is pee on that…we didn’t think this through”. But so and so loved it on effing TikTok…social media trends ruin all common sense.

      1. Momma Bear*

        TikTok trends are why schools needed to shut bathrooms – children were following the trend and stealing soap. During a pandemic. Not every trend deserves a following. Jessie is well old enough to think that through.

        1. Marcy*

          Sigh, nearly every time I hear about a new TikTok trend I become more convinced that TikTok is the most damaging social media platform to exist yet.

          1. Humble Schoolmarm*

            It was bad enough when the worst consequence was having to watch teenagers randomly flail their arms all day (“No, Fergusina, you really don’t need to practice your tiktok moves in the middle of my lesson on meiosis. Focus on the sperm and save the dancing for after class”).

    4. Trillian*

      I forsee one of those additions to the employee handbook that will make future employees scratch their heads and think, “There’s a story behind that …”

    5. Omnivalent*

      Jessie understands perfectly well that this is not about her baby being gross. She’s upset because she and her little friend Daniela had a whole scenario planned out in their heads, where they would hand people the PEE STICK and everyone would coo, and they’d record it all. Abby didn’t follow the script.

      Have you ever played make-believe with a very young child who has a whole scenario of how the story goes, and you gamely try to go along with it, and they get upset because when you play “wrong” because you didn’t know the imaginary rules they were making up as they went? Jessie and people like her are stuck at that developmental stage.

      2. Nanani*

        I’ve also had adults do this, and it is demoralizing (at best) to be treated as a prop in someone else’s story.

      3. JB (not in Houston)*

        Yep. My nephew once got upset that we wouldn’t change the rules to a game we were all playing to a the rules that he wanted (and that would change the game into something completely different). For about 30 minutes, he sat in a chair and refused to interact with us except to periodically demand in a loud voice that we apologize to him. It was kind of cute. He’s 5. And he got over it within the hour.

      4. rototiller*

        Exactly, and I think this is important if the goal is to de-escalate things. Jessie didn’t get her scenario the way she wanted, so the new scenario is Everyone Is So Mean to Jessie. My guess is anything non-supportive anyone says to her at this point will get edited into another episode. (“They made me APOLOGIZE for BEING PREGNANT!”) So this probably isn’t a case where talking it out will cool things down.

        The focus needs to be on practical consequences – increased oversight, loss of perks, clear communication that if X behavior continues she could lose her job, etc. Admittedly, this is easier said than done, given that it sounds like there’s a bit of a management void at OP’s office. But if my read on Jessie is accurate… people like this love exaggerating their non-problems and absolutely hate having actual problems.

      5. Lucy Skywalker*

        Only, it’s even worse because they weren’t handing people the pee stick, they were throwing it!

    6. Jaybee*

      I am sure they do know (that it’s about the pee and not about the baby). They’re just embarrassed that their ‘cute’ idea backfired on them this way, and are being permitted to wallow in that emotional reaction because it sounds like some people in their chain of command are backing them up rather than telling them to wise up and remember how to behave professionally.

      I’m just not sure it’s helpful to spell this out to them and give them the benefit of the doubt that they somehow misunderstood. They’re clearly just mad that Abby didn’t play along with their mental vision of how this would go.

      1. ThatGirl*

        This may all be true, but it still needs to be spelled out that what they did isn’t acceptable **because of the pee**. Like I said, the point is de-escalation. Whatever story they’re telling themselves or other coworkers needs to change.

        1. quill*

          Everyone needs to know where they went wrong, including:

          – The pee
          – Throwing things at coworkers
          – Filming coworkers in the workplace without their consent
          – The pee
          – The bullying, which CANNOT have come as a complete surprise here, whether or not OP knew about it
          – The PEE

        2. calonkat*

          Well, I think it’s also not acceptable to start throwing things at people in the office!

          I have terrible hand-eye coordination (to the point my family regularly tells me NOT to try to catch things as I tend to hurt myself). I’d have poked myself, hit someone else, or maybe knocked the thing across the room. But not caught it. I do not work in major league baseball, nor do people “throw” spreadsheets at me, so I don’t expect it to be a problem in the office.

          Filming co-workers without their ok, throwing things at them, AND the thing being a used pee stick. These are all bad things. Then you add on “bullying the person who didn’t respond correctly”.

          1. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

            You and me both! I usually tell people that I play volleyball like Carrie White (apologies for making, not just one, but two Carrie reference in this thread). Even if it were a diamond ring, that I could keep if I’d caught it, I would have, with 99% odds, not caught the thing.

          2. NNN222*

            Yes! People are so hung up on the pee but throwing anything at a coworker isn’t expected in most workplaces and I actually hate that, the secret taping, and the subsequent bullying the most.

        3. anonymous73*

          The pee stick isn’t the only issue here. You shouldn’t ambush others with a camera in their face. That would have pissed me off just as much as having a pee stick thrown at me.

          1. ThatGirl*

            Much like Jessie and her buddies, the commentariat here is so hung up on JUSTICE!!!!! and focusing on every little thing that went wrong — the goal is to get everyone to calm the fork down, first. Of course Jessie’s actions should have consequences; she shouldn’t throw anything at anyone. Of course Abby should not be bullied. But it really sounds to me like there’s a lot of unnecessary drama around this, and ramping that down should be the first goal.

            1. anonymous73*

              Yes there are many issues at play here. I was just pointing out that having a urine soaked stick thrown at you is not the only one, because that’s what most seem to be focused on. Yes the drama is high, but everything that happened here needs to be addressed.

  13. Rusty Shackelford*

    Oh my everloving gawd. Even if the stick didn’t have urine on it (AND IT DID!!! IT WAS PEED ON!!!), what kind of attention-seeking child needs to record her coworkers’ reactions to her pregnancy?

    (And part of me really wants you to start tossing medical waste at Jessie. “Look, Jessie, my urine pH is normal! Aren’t you excited?”)

    1. Shira Von Doom*

      Right? Slap a used tampon in Jessie’s hand: “Congratulate me! I’m not pregnant!”

      I mean, I’m not recommending this, but I would think about it with great malice, LOL

        1. All Het Up About It*

          It would probably also be a great way to make these male senior team understand, given the way so many men react about blood from “down there.”

          And by great – I mean amazingly satisfying, but not particularly smart or professional. But DEEPLY satisfying.

          1. Keep your pee away from me*

            Yeah, don’t DO it, but present it that way so everyone can get the clear picture. Obviously urine is different from blood, but BOTH are bodily fluids and should not be thrown at anyone.

        2. Presea*

          A sterilized but used menstrual cup might work better for illustrating the point – tampons are quantifiably different because they’re absorbent and aren’t meant to be saved or reused for any reason. A used menstrual cup is actually a lot cleaner than the pregnancy test involved in the incident, specifically because of the sterilization factor, but it has a higher “ick” factor for many people, especially non-menstruating men, due to the specific bodily fluids and cultural context surrounding it.

          1. The Prettiest Curse*

            That reminds me (warning: unpleasant content ahead), a couple of years ago, an enraged anti-vaxxer threw the contents of her menstrual cup at lawmakers on the floor of the California assembly. As I recall, they changed her with assault due to the nature of the attack and the health risk caused by flinging blood around randomly. A menstrual cup without any blood (or fake blood) presumably wouldn’t have the same legal consequences.

          2. Absurda*

            I was kind of surprised that the male managers and HR weren’t more grossed out by the pee stick. Unless they’re thinking pregnant woman = protected class = must keep her happy or she’ll sue.

            1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

              From the way Jessie is acting I wonder if she has long been a drama lama and the male HR people just think the best course of action here is to make Jessie happy so she leaves us alone.

          3. Danish*

            Hey just wanted to drop you a comment in appreciation of “non-menstrating men”. Whenever discussion of menstruation comes up I usually see it de-gendered into “people who menstrate”, which to be clear I also don’t have a problem with–it was just a nice positive moment this morning of feeling Extra Seen :)

      3. Lady_Lessa*

        Some reddish or mix brown with red water based food coloring would work nicely on the tampon. It appears used, but not.

      4. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

        HAHAHA There have been a few times in my life where that did put me in a festive mood! Not festive enough to throw my tampons at coworkers, mind you.

    2. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

      A used condom. “I’m in a new relationship! I think he might be the one!! But, OBVIOUSLY, my new love is gross to you, JESSIE.”

  14. Glomarization, Esq.*

    Since corporate HR appears to have your back, if it were me I would make a further report to them about the ongoing situation and ask them for some action that is more specific than a general e-mail to all about bodily fluids. I would also approach Abby and encourage her to make an individual complaint on her own behalf about bullying she is experiencing.

      1. Violet Fox*

        Often I think emails like that are more about creating a paper trail showing that people have been informed rather than getting people to actually behave reasonably.

        People that behave reasonably to begin with are usually willing to have a functional conversation and work with people, and not need these sorts of emails to begin with.

        1. Bagpuss*

          Yes, and sometimes I think to pre-empt any claims of bullying or victimisation “No Jessie,we’re not picking on you. No-one is allowed to throw bodily fluids at their coworkers “

        2. Candi*

          In dysfunctional workplaces, To All memos are used to take the place of actually managing.

          In functional workplaces, To All memos are what you said, to use “they had the opportunity to read it and should have read it” to start the paper trail that, yes, they were informed that they weren’t supposed to do X.

    4. Cait*

      Yes, I think if local HR won’t do their job (who on earth condones people throwing things coated in urine at other coworkers???) then this needs to go up the ladder. Abby could get a lawyer and sue the company for harassment and I really wouldn’t blame her. No one forced Jessie to 1. announce her pregnancy at the office and 2. do so in a manner that was unsanitary. She did it because she wanted to post it somewhere and get a lot of attention. Abby burst that bubble (quite rightly) and now Jessie feels slighted and embarrassed. But that’s not an Abby problem, that’s a Jessie problem. If local HR won’t do anything about the harassment and continues to encourage people to apologize to Jessie, I highly recommend telling them that you are concerned Abby will rightly be able to sue for harassment and that you need to inform corporate of the bad behavior that’s being allowed to continue.

        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          I wondered above if there were maybe other employees that were bothered by Jennie’s behavior but were keeping their heads down to stay out of her line of fire. Maybe some of them can also be encouraged to let corporate HR know about what is happening.

    5. Clefairy*

      This is what I came here to say. Corporate HR are clearly reasonable, but they are far removed, and are probably assuming that (beyond the initial drama and lack of proper input from local HR) everyone is now acting reasonably. I would document every incident you’ve witnessed since they sent that general letter (bullying towards Abbie, HR still pushing folks to apologize, etc), send it there way, and request that the follow up a second time, with specific people and specific direction on why their behavior isn’t ok, since the general email clearly didn’t actually do anything.

      What a nightmare. Sanity check for OP, you aren’t crazy or overreacting, this is legitimately bonkers.

      1. Gan Ainm*

        Yes this sounds very much like when Alison would usually advise going back to Corp HR and saying “thanks for your intervention but more is needed”, because they probably assume that it was resolved unless you tell them otherwise.

    6. Kramerica Industries*

      If HR is going to make a generic message to everyone, the message should be that social media filming and participation needs to be mutual and consented by everyone involved! From what I’m hearing, I don’t think Jessie is getting that message because she just thinks that Abby is a killjoy. But the issue is that Abby didn’t ask to be involved in a reaction video. She had a natural reaction and is now being unreasonably punished by her coworkers…so awful.

  15. Xavier Desmond*

    Not really advice but I just want to say you did nothing wrong! I’m trying to work out what you could have done differently but I’m drawing a blank as you seemed to handle the situation as well as you could have done.

    1. Gnome*

      Yes. Wondering if those who criticized the handling could give examples of what they think would have been better. Because I can’t.

  16. Greengirl*

    This is quite something. Yes, everyone owes Abby an apology. I might loop corporate HR into how Abbie is being bullied for her reaction and ask them to intervene with your on-site HR and managers. Ideally, Jessie’s manager would take her aside and tell her to stop making snide comments to Abby and to understand that the “gross” reaction had nothing to do with her happy news and instead had everything to do with having something someone else had peed on just thrown at her.

    1. Clorinda*

      Whoever is pressuring Abby to apologize to Jessie needs to be required to put that in writing.
      Email:
      The timeline of the event in question is that Jessie threw a used medical device with urine on it at Abby, and Abby reacted with an exclamation of surprise and distress. Am I to understand that you want Abby to apologize after Jessie threw a used medical device with urine on it at Abby? Is it clear that Jessie is the person who threw the urine-contaminated device at another employee? Under what circumstances is it appropriate for one employee to throw urine at another?

  17. Dust Bunny*

    [shocked silence]

    [more shocked silence]

    OK, I used to be a veterinary assistant and will eat stuff that may or may not have been nibbled by cats, so I am definitely not a germophobe, but if you toss me a used pregnancy test I will immediately throw it back at you and then run to wash my hands.

    I don’t even have anything to recommend here because the suggestion that Jessie deserves an apology is so out-of-line that I can’t imagine anything I could offer would actually be acceptable to your managers and HR. Yes, this was a bonkers thing to do. No, it wasn’t fair to toss it at Abby, although I don’t think you need to be germ-phobic to have reacted the way Abby did–I think most people with an average feeling about [let’s be real] biohazards would respond the same way. Yes, Jessie is being ridiculous about this. Yes, your managers and HR are also being ridiculous. I’m not sure where you would even go with this given the absurd lack of support.

    1. Chief Petty Officer Tabby*

      Literally! I’m a vet assistant/kennel tech, so I am used to some interesting body fluids, parts, and whatnot laying around, but I nearly threw my phone away just reading this! The levels of NOPE NOPE NOPE is strong with this one.

      1. The OG Sleepless*

        That’s because HUMANS ARE GROSS! Seriously, things that would never bother me coming from an animal completely gross me out if they are from a human. There is a reason human medicine was never, ever on the table for me.

    2. metadata minion*

      Yup, same here. Well, not vet tech, but generally of the “eh, good to give my immune system something to do” when it comes to germs in non-pandemic times. And still, *that is not cool*. I will be the one that picks up the dead mouse in the trap and then just washes their hands really well without being overly grossed out by it, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to fling bodily fluids at me.

      I’m also generally very, very against surprise inclusion of other people in your life-cycle announcements, so I would if anything be more upset by that than by getting a pee stick thrown at me. If you’re not immediate family or a very dear friend, this is not ok. (And frankly if you are immediate family or a dear friend, you know me well enough not to do it in the first place.)

    3. MistOrMister*

      For some reasons when my cats poop, they will cover it so “well” they end up flinging it out the litterbox. I will pick these poos up barehanded when doing the scooping rounds. If I think their poos look weird, I will break them in half (dry ones only!!) checking for blood, too dark stools, etc. That being said, I would absolutely have the exact same reaction as Abby in the situation where someone threw a pregnancy test at me!! Absolutely 100%!! If you hold out a test and someone realizes what it us and chooses to take it, all well and good. But to suddenly realize you’re holding a handful of pee…very few people are not going to freak out there. No one wants that sort of surprise!!

      I hope both OP and Abby go to corporate HR and describe in detail the bullying Abby is now going through as well as the fact that people are being pressured to apologize to Jessie.

      As an aside, in my opinion this entire plan was stupid anyway. If you want to have some sort of gathering for an announcement, fine, but not everyone wants to be filmed reacting to someone’s news.

    4. Bacon Pancakes*

      I am a wildlife biologist. I have eaten many sandwiches – in the field, with inadequate handwashing facilities – with fish scales or duck poop on me.
      This “pee stick in the office” situation is gross AF and I have peed on a stick more than once.

  18. Foreign Octopus*

    Well…I didn’t have this on my 2022 bingo card.

    I honestly have no idea what to do except maybe taking a leaf out of Ellie Miller’s book from Broadchurch and threaten to pee in a cup and throw it on Jessie if she doesn’t think other people’s urine on her person is anything at all to be concerned about.

    However, that’s very much (probably) not recommended.

          2. Foreign Octopus*

            I assumed your reply was a joke too!

            Sadly, I agree. Two wrongs might be satisfying in the moment but never a good idea (and the logistics of peeing in a cup at work is way more hassle than its worth. I’m pretty sure you can buy pre-bottled urine online so that’d be best).

    3. RosyGlasses*

      LOL at 2022 Bingo Card – same. My face kept going through progressive stages of what? ew! oh no. UGH!

  19. 2 cents of grump*

    Give Jessie a bottle of unidentified yellow fluid everyday, “for her health”?

    No but seriously Jessie is acting like a toddler which is concerning considering she’ll be caring for one all too soon. Give her and her cronies one final warning and then start writing them up for their bullying. And ask Jessie to apologize for bringing biohazards to work and exposing her coworkers to them.

    1. Del Monte*

      I was thinking about a bottle labelled “urine sample | do not drink” in the office fridge. No one should mind now the office is sharing bloodily fluids, right?

  20. Aepyornis*

    Abby is now entitled to throw a wiped but used condom to Jessie for a reaction shot about her new relationship. Then everybody can write each other an apology letter.
    Other than that, the usual: independently of the take of anyone on the situation, the bullying is not ok and it should be addressed each time to ram the point home if necessary.

    1. PeanutButter*

      I would be tempted to toss used tampons in plastic baggies as an “I’m not pregnant!” announcement at the perpetrators.

      3. Shira Von Doom*

        hahaha, I had the same thought, although the baggie element is much nicer than my impulse to want to slap one in her bare hand, like she did Abby

        I would not DO this…but ye gods, I would think about it very intensely

        1. PeanutButter*

          Ha ha, yeah, it’s NOT a good way to de-escalate and resolve the situation but oooooh I’d fantasize about it. Also saying “I’m glad I’m not pregnant but I guess SOME PEOPLE find a natural cycle GROSS.”

      4. Emotional Support Care’n*

        I dunno, she could even bring out some used toilet paper and say she’s not constipated. Really milk the whole “the body is a beautiful thing” angle.

  21. The Smiling Pug*

    Poor Abby. She had a peed-on pregnancy test thrown at her, and everyone knows she doesn’t like germs anyway. Jessie should should be at the head of the apology line.

    2. Anonymous Hippo*

      I would say H.R. needs to look in the past and see exactly when the bullying of Abby started. Because I don’t think the she was a random choice for the first “toss” and the fact that everyone immediately took the pee-throwers side indicates to me that Abby has been on the outs with these folks a while.

        1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

          I betting it’s only the beginning of the publicly being a jerk to and about Abby. They probably were crummy to her in more private ways for a while.

    3. JustaTech*

      I have to wonder about Jessie and Danelia choosing Abby (the known germaphobe) as their first “reaction”. Did they do that because they figured if other people went first Abby would figure it out and scram to avoid the pee stick?
      Did they want to get the “biggest reaction” first?

      It’s pretty clear that their idea was that everyone would react as though they had no idea what was going on, which is absurd as after the fourth time you hear “Name!” *thing thrown* “Gasp, Congratulations!” you will know that *something* is coming.

      The whole thing was very poorly thought out and now Jessie is taking out her disappointment by bullying Abby. All of this needs to get shut down by Jessie’s boss like yesterday. (And local HR needs a serious talking-to.)

      1. The Smiling Pug*

        Yeah, I wondered about Jessie and Daniella picking Abby first for this too. My thinking is that if they had picked someone else, Abby would have hid in the bathroom or behind others. I know I would.

      2. Elle*

        The fact they filmed it makes it extra icky. Like sure, maybe it was for a fun pregnancy announcement video, but including someone who can reasonably be expected to have a negative reaction feels like it could be also double as material to harass Abby on social media. Honestly, expecting “cutesy” reactions to this from coworkers seems pretty out of touch.
        Unrelated but has Jessie never heard of a sonogram or a cute onesie? So many possible props that aren’t covered in old pee.

  22. Solitary Daughter*

    Good grief—this is absurd. Priority #1 is getting HR’s help in fixing this. It’s not over.

    1. Ama*

      Yeah, definitely go back to the corporate HR contact, explain exactly what is happening and who is doing it (anyone who is backing up Jessie’s bullying of Abby and exactly who is pressuring you to write an apology letter) and ask if it is possible for someone to speak individually with these people to explain how they are out of line. If your on-site HR is part of the problem (or just refusing to intervene), you should mention that as well — even if your corporate HR contact isn’t their direct boss, presumably she knows the procedure for what to do when the site HR person is wrong.

      This sounds to me like a situation where the squeakiest wheel (Jessie) is getting to define the situation, and someone above your management needs to step in and point out that they are all acting like idiots.

  23. ZSD*

    If I were Abby, it would make me feel much better if the OP (and other co-workers who were secretly on my side) would take me aside and privately reassure me that my reaction had been completely understandable and that Jessie and Daniela were the ones who were out of line. Just knowing that not everyone supported the bullying would help a lot.

    Also, OP, please update us when Jessie starts a forest fire with her gender reveal party.

    1. Broadway Duchess*

      Honestly, saying it privately to me but not to the perpetrators would piss me off more than if OP said nothing. It’s easy to speak in private but choose to remain silent when it counts.

      2. gbca*

        But OP has spoken to the perpetrators, in addition to going over her local HR’s office to Corporate HR. This isn’t a case of her standing by silently.

        1. Broadway Duchess*

          I know, I’m not saying OP didn’t do that.. I’m only referring to the idea introduced by ZSD that’s they’d feel better if people privately spoke to her to give support (in addition to others who are secretly supportive). I’m saying in that scenario, I wouldn’t feel supported.

    3. Yet another person*

      Agree with this 100%, and also let Abby know you’ll follow up to ask corporate office to intervene (and then do that).

      If you get the sense she may be looking to leave over this (I would if this didn’t get shut down pronto!), and you are familiar enough with the quality of her work, let her know she can list you as a reference.

  24. The Starsong Princess*

    Someone needs to have a conversation with Jessie and Daniela about surprise videos. Guess what? People don’t always react as you expect. I think that’s what HR should have focused on. But they’ve bungled this from the beginning – a no-body fluids all hands email was never necessary. Instead, they should have spoken to Jessie and Daniela about their judgement of throwing someone a used pregnancy test and filming a surprise video. Then any subsequent bullying of Abby should not be tolerated and dealt with immediately by any management in earshot, and that includes you.

    1. londonedit*

      100% agree with all of this. Sorry, Jessie, but I’d probably have ‘ruined’ the video as well by saying something along the lines of ‘Aargh! What’s this? Ugh! Is that USED?!’ And I’m not even a germophobe, just someone who would react in a surprise manner if I had a random object hurled at me that turned out to be a used pregnancy test. In what world is that a pleasant thing to do? I get that in Jessie’s head she’d imagined a whole amazing scenario where Abby caught the pregnancy test, a gentle look of confusion crossed her face, and then she burst into tears of joy and jumped up and down and ran over to hug Jessie, but…that was SO unlikely to happen. Abby is completely in the right here, and OP/other management should have told Jessie and Daniela that throwing things at people without warning is never acceptable, pregnancy test or not, and should have shut it down as soon as they started bullying Abby. Jessie is just sulking because her ‘big surprise pregnancy reveal’ didn’t go as planned, and that’s no excuse to take it out on other people.

      1. CupcakeCounter*

        Not to mention that those “surprise reveal” videos are planned and scripted for social media

      2. Elbe*

        Exactly. They’re mad that she didn’t follow the script that they never gave her and she never agreed to.

    3. Anonymous Hippo*

      They do need this conversation. But it is WAY down the list of what they need talked to about.

      1. Loulou*

        I see what you mean, but I also think on balance “don’t film people without their consent” is more likely to come up again than “don’t throw something you’ve peed on at people.” So I do want them to address that part!

        1. Anonymous Hippo*

          I meant the ongoing bullying as the major problem. The pee throwing shows an incredible lack of sense of any kind, but the bullying is the real problem IMO.

      2. Underrated Pear*

        Yes, reading this whole thread, I’ve been thinking to myself that the pee stick is, in the larger scope of things, maybe one of the *smaller* issues overall. Yes, it’s the most acute and has health implications – and it is absolutely bonkers that few people in the company seem to be reacting strongly to it – but it’s probably a one-off incident that could MOSTLY be resolved with discipline and a sincere apology (assuming Abby didn’t come down with some gross bacterial infection from handling Jessie’s pee, ick). But Abby’s continued harassment, the refusal of higher-ups to do anything about it, and the general atmosphere of “I’m going to bully my coworkers for ruining the video I forced them to be in without their knowledge” are indicators of a much more widespread problem.

        Basically, if I were in a workplace and someone threw a urine-soaked pregnancy test at a coworker, it would be a story I told with horror for years to come, like “can you believe this thing my old coworker did?!”. But if I were in a workplace where people were throwing things at me to film my reaction and post it, and sulking if I didn’t participate the way they wanted, AND I were the one HR was coming down on – that’s a workplace I would quit immediately.

  25. Chief Petty Officer Tabby*

    I’m sorry, what? In the words of Bruno Mars, with the cig and the head tilt: “THIS BITCH!” (Meaning Jesse, of course.)

    Lady, nobody wants your personal juices. I don’t care how happy you are about getting pregnant, if you try to shove a used pregnancy test at me, I will have you charged with battery, which it is. I don’t know what you have, disease-wise, so keep that to yourself.

    OP, do NOT write an apology; she got what she deserved! It is definitely gross.

  26. PT*

    For comparison’s sake, you were to throw a used pregnancy test at a police officer, it would be considered assault with bodily fluids and you’d be criminally charged with assaulting a police officer.

    The law is on Abby’s side here, and if the company does not side with her a lawyer certainly will.

    1. AnonLawNerd*

      I came here to say similar: throwing something at someone is assault and/or battery. Jessie’s lucky she’s not getting the book thrown at her…

      1. Ella bee bee*

        I see a lot of comments along the lines of “get the police involved! This is assault!” and my question is, is this actually assault in the legal sense? The LW describes it as they “tossed it to her” and which is definitely different from throwing something at someone; and yes there is pee on the test but I think the spread of pee from this might be comparable to someone using the bathroom and not washing their hands correctly which isn’t illegal (if you aren’t working in food service or something similar.) Tossing the pee stick is super nasty and LW did the right thing by telling them that it is never acceptable to do this, but is this actually something that the police would get involved with? (I’m asking because I actually don’t know)

  27. Lynca*

    As someone who has been pregnant: what Jessie did was gross and forcing co-workers to go through that is also gross.

    Her bullying isn’t low-key and you really shouldn’t give her the benefit of any “she’s excited and didn’t think this through” sympathy. You’ve reported everything to higher up HR. Do they know you’re being “encouraged” to apologize to Jessie? Do they know the extent that Abby is getting bullied for a VERY NORMAL REACTION to having a used pregnancy test thrown at them?

    I’d start building documentation about how dysfunctional this all is for corporate HR in order to help Abby and then evaluating whether this job is worth this level of insanity.

    1. Ginger*

      Agreed.

      Focus on the ongoing bullying and being asked, multiple times, to apologize to the instigator.

      Document with dates, quotes and formalize the report.

    2. Kyrielle*

      Yeah, the “she’s excited and didn’t think this through” excuse died when her negative reaction persisted past the immediate moment, instead of being followed up with a heartfelt and horrified apology to Abby for not having thought it through first.

  28. Snow Angel*

    Your managers and HR are horrible. I think handling pregnancy tests among family are weird too (spouses aside) so I certainly wouldn’t want to hold something from another coworker that was urinated on. I’d go back to the corporate HR and explain that this has continued on past their company wide memo to see if they can step in more directly. Otherwise I think this is out of your hands.

    1. Charlotte Lucas*

      I have never seen or handled another person’s pregnancy test. If they tell me they’re pregnant, I don’t require proof.

      And definitely not from a coworker. Keep HR in the loop.

      Oh, & surprise videos suck.

  29. I should really pick a name*

    Now and then you start to think that every question has already been asked, and then something like this comes up…

    I do think that a clear statement against bullying Abby has to be made.
    If you’re up to it, addressing the passive aggressive comments when they happen in the moment might help.

    “Oh, well I guess my baby is GROSS according to SOME PEOPLE.”
    “You’re well aware that that isn’t what she said, so please avoid making comments like that”

    1. Sola Lingua Bona Lingua Mortua Est*

      Now and then you start to think that every question has already been asked, and then something like this comes up…

      Agreed. My gut reaction was stunned silence; someone actually managed to make my workplaces look normal in contrast.

        1. Wordnerd*

          Check out the linked “commenting rules” and then scroll to the bottom. Alison has included some html tricks there, including block quotes.

        2. Purple Cat*

          How can I use HTML in my comments?

          This will make the text bold. Be sure to include the closing tag at the end!

          This will give you italics. Again, don’t forget the closing tag.

          You can underline, or you can cross things out.

          You can quote someone this way.

            1. Purple Cat*

              D’oh!

              to start with a slash to end.
              B – Bold
              i – italics
              u – underline
              del – cross things out
              Blockquote – for the quotes

              1. Howard Bannister*

                You can use I think & l t ; and & g t ; all crammed together to simulate the ol’ gt/lt symbols.

                <blockquote> This would be a blockquote if I were using real code. </blockquote>

    4. laowai_gaijin*

      Every one of Alison’s “and now there’s chaos” posts is a study in how you should never think you’ve seen it all.

  30. Lab Boss*

    Is corporate HR “separate” from your satellite HR in the sense that they’re totally unrelated? or just that it’s not a direct hierarchy? Because somebody needs to rein in your satellite HR. Jessie is at fault here, probably not maliciously but at the very minimum she was thoughtless and is not compounding it by letting her own offense/embarrassment drive her to hostility. Trying to force adults to give public apologies and write letters is, frankly, bonkers.

    1. LDN Layabout*

      (If someone asks Jessie about her pregnancy and she knows Abby’s in earshot, she’ll say loudly, “Oh, well I guess my baby is GROSS according to SOME PEOPLE.”)

      No, I think we can say Jessie’s being pretty malicious here.

      1. Lab Boss*

        Sorry, poor wording plus a typo. What I meant to say was:

        Jessie’s initial actions (trying to film a reaction shot to a used pregnancy test) weren’t workplace appropriate but seem more thoughtless than malicious.

        She is NOW compounding that (not “not compounding” like I typed above) her initial thoughtlessness by going full-on hostile as a reaction to being called out.

  31. Over It*

    What a mess. You can be happy for someone’s pregnancy and also not want to touch their pee. The way this is being handled is ridiculous.

    When we had sex ed in high school, my health teacher proudly passed around a pregnancy test that was her granddaughter, so apparently Jessie is not the only one who thinks this doing this is okay.

    1. Ama*

      There’s a pretty common misconception that urine is sterile (I think because of the ammonia content) that could be part of the issue. But it’s completely wrong and has been shown to be wrong scientifically many times over — there’s lots of bacteria even in healthy people’s urine.

      1. Clorinda*

        If it were sterile, we’d clean with it. Does Jessie pee on her kitchen countertops? I don’t think so.

    2. anonymous73*

      Honestly, unless we work closely together or we’re friends, don’t expect excess joy if you tell me you’re expecting. I wouldn’t be rude, and would say “Congratulations”, but I’m going to do cartwheels down the hall and celebrate in your honor. And if you shove a camera in my face, you’ll get nothing but nasty.

      1. Over It*

        That’s totally reasonable—pregnancy is a hard topic for some people, and even for people who it isn’t, not everyone gets excited about babies. I don’t think it’s okay to be nasty to anyone announcing their pregnancy, but anywhere on the spectrum from a polite congrats and changing the subject to cartwheels of joy is fine. And yeah, definitely don’t go around sticking cameras in your coworkers’ faces—for any reason!! Maaaaybe that’s a cute thing to do with family to film their reactions to telling them they’ll be a father/grandparent if you know they’d enjoy having that video to look back on, but not your coworkers!

        1. anonymous73*

          The “being nasty” has nothing to with the type of announcement. As I said if you ambush me with a camera in my face you will get nasty regardless of the why. I don’t want to be recorded EVER unless you ask my permission first (and I will most likely say no).

  32. LDN Layabout*

    I’d be reporting to off-site HR about the on-going behaviour from both management and your on-site HR, especially since it seems they actually took it seriously.

    1. Kate, short for Bob*

      Yes, this. On site HR are clearly not up to the job and corporate needs to step in before the whole thing gets even messier.

      Meantime, every time OP hears someone talking about it she should say “she threw a pee stick at Abby”. Repeat repeat repeat.

  34. Resident Catholicville, USA*

    There is literally nothing useful I can say or recommend here but lord love a duck, people are amazingly stupid sometimes. Just when you think you’ve seen/heard it all…

  35. Magpie*

    Can you contact corporate HR to tell them that Abby is being both bullied *and* threatened with disciplinary action because she didn’t react well to having the bodily fluids thrown at her, and ask them to intervene with on-site HR?

    Might also be worth having a sit-down with on site HR to point out that throwing urine-soaked things at known germophobes is very obviously bullying even before the current treatment, and they are laying themselves wide open to a complaint?

    1. I'm just here for the cats*

      I wouldnt even mention that abby is a germaphobe. NO ONE wants urine-soaked things tossed at them.

      1. Lab Boss*

        Agree, unless she’s phobic to the point of it being documented as a disability requiring accommodations, it’s a red herring. Bringing it up could even be counterproductive by implying that Abby’s somehow abnormal and that’s what made it a problem, rather than just the whole urine-throwing part.

    2. Irish girl*

      This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. The bullying and harassments on top of the warning about her complaints and Corp HR vs office HR is a mess. There needs to be documentation shown to Corp HR as to what is happening. Corp HR needs to deal with it an prepare for the retaliation that might ensue as clearly the people in the office are not going to be happy they are being told it is out of line.

  36. Not Tom, Just Petty*

    Dear Coworkers,
    I am not an unpaid extra in the movie of your life. Do not involve me in your shenanigans without my consent. Do not record me, all. And finally and most importantly, do not hand me pee and tell me that it’s rain.
    Sincerely,
    Everydamnbodyyouworkwith

    2. BA*

      You’ve hit on something broader here, too… Depending on the state, workplace rules and platform on which the video was to be shared (a lot of qualifiers, I know) it may not be legal to film something like this. Did Abby or anyone else consent to being filmed?

      While that may not be the largest of issues here, it is something your corporate leadership should consider going forward. If people are being shown in videos, I don’t know that just showing up to work on a day that something is being filmed is enough consent for their likeness to be used.

      If Jesse shares the video on her social platforms and not through a “covered through your employment contract” permission form, Abby may have a legal complaint there too.

      1. BA*

        It might be worth reminding Jesse expressly (amongst other things) that sharing this on social probably violates several privacy levels.

      2. JustaTech*

        The OP says that their corporate office encourages this office to make videos to “meet the staff” and it sounds like those videos are shared with clients, so this might be an even bigger issue that just Jessie’ announcement video.

  37. awesome3*

    Your reaction was great! A congratulations and a reminder to not make your coworkers touch your urine. I’ve had clients put used pregnancy tests on my desk at work before (it’s semi-related to my job), and I gently remind them that pregnancy tests say on the box when they stop sharing the correct results, and that used ones should go straight in the trash once that time limit has passed.

    The fact that your great response in the moment was met with resentment makes me wonder if people in your office tend to act reasonably in other circumstances, or if this is not an outlier.

  38. Juniper*

    Honestly, there’s no reason to even bring COVID into this. Bringing a pregnancy test to work (and throwing it at someone!) is gross in and of itself, and opening up that can of worms has the potential to derail those incredibly legitimate concerns.

    Where are the line managers in all this??

    1. velomont*

      And there’s a flip side to this. I’m a 62 yr old married guy and my wife and I don’t have kids (completely our decision from the outset) so, having said that, if someone tossed me a pregnancy test I’m not even sure that I would know what it was since my knowledge of these things is limited to brief views on TV ads.

      So in addition to someone tossing a urine stick to co-workers, some co-workers might not even know and inadvertently be exposed to the urine and/or implicated in passing around the stick.

      1. Gingerbread Gnome*

        I wonder if the managers and office HR even know that pregnancy tests require the taker to pee on them or be dipped in urine. It might explain why they don’t think it is a serious offense (they are completely in the wrong, but it may be out of ignorance).

      2. Lady_Lessa*

        I’m a single woman and would be equally confused. And with the comments about some of them looking like home Covid tests, I would probably think the same. (My home test was the two stripe type on a narrow plastic holder)

      3. borealis*

        That was what I was thinking as well: I’m a middle-aged woman, I have never wanted children (being an aunt rocks, though!) and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t recognise a pregnancy test. I knew it’s something you pee on, but that’s about it. And since throwing a pregnancy test is such a bizarre thing to do in a workplace, or in any other place where there are actual human people, I’m VERY sure I wouldn’t have guessed what it was.

        Kudos to the LW for stepping up and handling the situation in the moment! I think many people (I for one!) would have been too flummoxed to react constructively.

  39. RuthAnn*

    WTF. I would write a truthful but glowing letter of recommendation to Abby, provide her with accurate contact information and carte blanche offer to serve as reference for some period of time that makes sense (3 years?), and update my own job search materials this weekend. Your coworkers are acting badly and senior leadership team is letting themselves be influenced by the loudest of the bunch instead of acting with deliberation. Their leadership is inadequate and you both deserve better.

  40. More Coffee, Please*

    Call corporate HR again and ask relay what’s happening to Abby. They should be concerned that she will quit and file a lawsuit for unsafe working conditions (bodily fluids) and workplace harassment (subsequent bullying). Additionally, LW should let them know she’s being subjected to some harassment due to her defense of Abby.

  41. Not Tom, Just Petty*

    Oh, and OP. Toss the male execs a pee stick and tell them their reaction is just petty female BS and they owe you an apology.
    Please?

    1. MeleMallory*

      Um. I am currently pregnant. My uterus definitely does not think it’s the center of the universe. I don’t think it’s the center of the universe. I announced my pregnancy by 1) telling people and 2) showing my ultrasound picture. I didn’t even throw the used pee stick at my husband. Being pregnant makes you hormonal, it doesn’t make you an asshole. Jessie is an asshole, but not because she’s pregnant.

      Get over yourself and your issues.

  43. Cheap Ass Rolls*

    I am not a germaphobe by any stretch of the imagination, I’ve peed on my share of pregnancy tests, and I would be incredibly grossed out if someone threw me their pregnancy test.

    It’s also just a huge amount of oversharing that I (someone who has very close and friendly relationships with my coworkers) would find uncomfortable. You are pregnant – I don’t need to see the medical evidence of that. But I also think showing off sonograms is weird, especially at the beginning, when you’re literally just staring at a picture of the person’s uterus. That’s your uterus, I don’t need to see it up close.

    1. Charlotte Lucas*

      I agree about sonograms! They all look like to me like what John Hurt’s insides would have looked like in Alien right before…

      There’s a reason I didn’t go into a medical tech field.

      1. Shira Von Doom*

        Reading them is clearly a skill, because any time I’ve seen one, I’m like…congratulations, it’s a projection from my unconscious mind, according to Freud

        1. Cheap Ass Rolls*

          I’ve been pregnant before and have lots of sonogram pictures of my baby, and up until about 32 weeks I also never saw anything, ever. Just…hey, it’s a blur.

    2. quill*

      Overall, I would rather not see the inside of anyone’s body. No matter what medium the photo was taken in.

  44. CatCat*

    So, who actually is in charge over Abby and Jessie? I am not clear if that person is on-site. I would clue them in though. “Jessie [and whoever else] are bullying Abby. It should be put to a stop because it’s unfair and having a serious impact on office morale.”

    Frankly, if I were you, as an exec, I’d be tempted to tell Jessie to cut the crap myself even if she doesn’t report to you. There are execs in my org that are technically not in my chain of command, but if one of them told me to stop what I was doing, I would listen. They have a lot of status and sway.

    1. CatCat*

      I also think you have some good leeway here to take matters into your own hands if necessary since corporate HR seems to have your back and you were told expressly you should “have acted like a better manager.” Run with it.

      1. Polly Hedron*

        Was it corporate HR or on-site HR who told OP she should have “acted like a better manager”?

  45. Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*

    I thought the whole gender reveal and push presents were bad enough.

    A *reaction video* to a work announcement and tossing a PEED on pregnancy test?! The mind boggles. Just… NO.

    I’m not a germaphobe and I still wouldn’t want to touch someone else’s “even if it was washed” stick.

    What they’re really mad about is that their idea for an amazing video with tons of likes completely backfired. The online world is filled with failed copycat videos.

    Poor Abby.

    1. LolaBugg*

      Honestly, even if it wasn’t a Peed on pregnancy test, I would react badly to anything being thrown in my direction because I startled easily. I don’t understand what the coworkers thought they were going to get out of Abby and how they can be angry it didn’t go the way they wanted it to. She was supposed to catch the pregnancy test, read it, and have a strong positive reaction on camera for them without knowing anything in advance?? Crazy to me

    2. LemonLyman*

      I agree that gender reveal is cringe but I hadn’t heard that push presents were out (not that they were ever “in”). Do you know the reason for that? Serious question. Just curious.

  48. Aarti*

    God how disgusting. AND you want to video me for a reaction, without my consent? I mean I think Jesse should be fired if she doesn’t apologize, for both things. Lord may I never have to work in an office where they think filming me for social media without my say so is ok at any level.
    Why oh why does everything have to be on social media anyway? Why can’t you just be happy on your own? I too would have shouted gross and dropped it. I don’t even particularly like to look at ultrasounds, in what other circumstances could you show me the INSIDE of your UTERUS without consent? Yet it’s perfectly ok to shove ultrasounds in people’s faces!

    1. Suzy Q*

      Right? Ultrasound photos are weird, and I am NEVER going to want to see one, even if I’m related to you!

        1. Suzy Q*

          Ha! I have never been excited to see a coworker’s baby. I just…don’t care about other people’s reproductive results.

          1. Aarti*

            No, but I get they are excited, and now it is an actual person, so sure, show it to me. I won’t interact with it for long – there is a reason I am childfree – but it is much more engaging than a picture of your uterus. A picture of the pee stick is unneccessary too. Can you not just use your talky bits and tell me you are pregnant?!

  49. Caramel & Cheddar*

    “we’re a small satellite office so corporate encourages us to do a lot of “meet the staff” and “it’s Tiffany’s Birthday” type sharing posts to attract clients”

    Does this actually work? I don’t personally care to put my image out there on the internet so I realize I’m coming at this with a certain bias, but this is pretty much at the bottom of the list of things I’d care to see from a company on social media. If you did a pee stick video, I’d probably mute or block your company on social media.

    1. cubone*

      Honestly, it depends how you define “work”. A lot of companies are stunningly bad and poorly skilled at social media, so their only metric of success is “did more people watch this video than the last one = success”. Or “have we grown in followers = success”. Also, social media is kind of a numbers game. To be seen, you have to consistently be putting out new content that’s being seen and shared, and so on and so forth. I’m guessing they just don’t have the resources, capacity, or creativity to come up with a social content strategy that focuses more on their product/service, so “showcase the people who deliver the product/service” and “look how much fun we are” IS the strategy.

      Perhaps they have refined metrics and are really examining their prospect pipeline and able to determine that they’re getting views/followers which are directly translating into clients. But even then, it doesn’t necessarily mean their clients saw these posts and thought “wow, company X sure has some fun employees and workplace shenanigans! I think I’ll do business with them”. It’s probably as simple as their prospective clients just … saw their posts, didn’t think much of the content necessarily, but remembered the name. Hard to know w/o more clarity on what they do.

      1. Caramel & Cheddar*

        “Honestly, it depends how you define “work”.”
        I mean this purely in the sense of “do you now have new clients you can bill as a direct result of Tiffany’s birthday video”. I’d be willing to be the answer is zero new clients getting converted that way, but agree that there are lots of variables at play here. Not the main point of the letter, of course, so I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

        1. quill*

          I mean, if there weren’t details about this workplace having an actual product to sell, my brain would be tempted to make the leap to “buzzfeed-esque social media company,”

        2. Littorally*

          I mean, ‘as a direct result’ is a pretty foggy standard. Do you mean only people who saw Tiffany’s birthday video and consciously went “ah yes this is a company I now want to patronize” because if that’s your standard, most advertising doesn’t do that.

      2. Resident Catholicville, USA*

        Also, “work” can go both ways- there is a very large company in my area that promotes itself as a fun, exciting work environment and does a lot of promo videos giving demonstrations of that. I watch one video and went, “That’s not an environment that I would enjoy; I will definitely not apply there ever, even though I have tons of experience in their field.”

    2. OlympiasEpiriot*

      I don’t know what kind of a business this is, but, aside from basic “here’s a picture , name, office and contact information and (maybe) a link to their area of expertise”, I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT OR NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY, YOUR HOBBIES, OR YOUR FAMILY WHEN I AM LOOKING TO DO BUSINESS WITH THE FIRM.

      *phew*

      If I want to dig deeper, I’ll look on LinkedIn.

      If I were an employee, I’d be worried about privacy.

    3. Alton Brown's Evil Twin*

      EXACTLY my question!

      Leaving aside the “throw something I peed on at a germaphobe”, is a positive pregnancy test really something that you’re putting out on the corporate web site and social media? What happens to the next person who gets pregnant but DOESN”T want to make the announcement part of corporate marketing? Are they going to get shamed into doing a stunt?

      1) Everybody apologize to Abby.
      2) Somebody speaks to Jesse and Daniela and tell them that this wasn’t a great idea. To be precise:
      2a) this is overboard, and the company doesn’t want to encourage this kind of sharing. Save it for the birth announcement.
      2b) bringing a used pee stick to the office is bad judgement.
      2c) throwing a pee stick at people out of the blue is terrible judgement.
      3) OP needs a level-setting meeting w/ higher management about general protocols. If OP is effectively the field office supervisor or acting supervisor, then higher mgmt needs to not publicly undercut decisions that OP has to make in the heat of the moment. This is a management principle that good organizations adhere to.

    4. e271828*

      It sounds like this marketing office either does not have a manager specifically tasked with creating and making social media posts with explicit goals or does not have a competent manager doing same. Random employees shouldn’t be representing the firm on social media with whatever they want. This would not be an appropriate social media post for any business. It’s about Jessie’s personal life, not official news.

      OP mentions a history of “oversharing” and other problems in the office. I get the impression that the manager maybe thinks work should be fun, with everybody being friends, like the beer run manager. Management has long been allowing a lot of unprofessional behavior, and OP’s attempt to ring an alarm bell up the line of command about serious problems on-site wasn’t taken seriously enough. A nonspecific email with no consequences for people filming a personal TikTok and throwing used pregnancy tests at coworkers is not an all-hands email situation, it’s a PIP situation!

      OP and Abby should start looking for sane places to work and let this place go down in flames without them.

  50. Just another opinion*

    Holy. Flipping. What?! WTF! Abby deserves a huge apology. (And if I were Abby, I would totally respond to Jessie’s passive-aggressive comments by saying, “Yes, I DO think your pee-soaked pregnancy test was gross when you threw it at me. Disgusting, in fact!” Jessie and Daniela need to apologize and stop their BS, or be let go for bullying. I would absolutely die on this hill.

    As a side note, I’ve read occasionally about people doing this to their partners to inform them of the “good news” even going so far as to hide the test in a plate of food… and if I were the partner in that case, I would probably separate from them over it. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

    I don’t know anyone who would do what Jessie did, so I’m finding it very troubling that people like that exist in this world.

    1. RagingADHD*

      I’ve seen that one. Poor guy was about to tuck into a nice plate of waffles and found a pee stick in it. His reaction was totally appropriate, and the new mom was a complete buffoon for acting like he “wasn’t excited enough.”

      A pee stick is not a baby. Nobody in their right mind is going to be happy to get a surprise pee stick.

  51. Nia*

    Not the point but I’m kinda confused at the idea of the video. I don’t understand what reactions she was expecting. I’ve never seen anyone in an office have a film worthy reaction to a pregnancy announcement. They say congratulations, maybe ask a few questions, and then go about their day. I suspect she was going to end up mad at her coworkers pver not being excited enough even if Abby hadn’t been justifiably upset about the body fluids.

    2. Rusty Shackelford*

      Obviously Abby was supposed to squeal in excitement and should OH MY GAWD YOU’RE PREGGERS and do a Tik Tok worthy dance.

      1. Nia*

        I get that something this over the top must have been what she expected but I don’t understand it. I cannot envision the life someone has led that would lead to them expecting this kind of reaction from coworkers(or anyone really). It is just totally alien to me.

      2. Anne of Green Gables*

        I did have a coworker react this way (when I said at a staff meeting that I was pregnant, no urine involved) and it was delightful and clearly genuine. It was also very much a part of this person’s personality. No one else reacted this way, nor have I ever “squealed and done a tik tok worthy dance” for someone else, despite being genuinely happy. The reality is, most people are not going to have outrageous filmable reactions. The presumed expectations for the video baffle me. Though so does this whole thing, so (shrug)

      4. Littorally*

        Some people really, really do not comprehend that the influencer shit they see online is all carefully scripted and curated.

    3. RagingADHD*

      Right? Even without the nasty pee stick business, was she expecting her coworkers to jump up and down or cry? How dysfunctional is your workplace when an employee expects their coworkers to act like the baby’s other parent or grandparents might do?

      I mean, big smile, “yay, congratulations,” or “awww, that’s great,” maybe a hug, is about as much as I’ve ever seen at work. Do they normally get hysterical over each other’s personal business? Weird.

    4. londonedit*

      Yeah, definitely. First of all, everywhere I’ve worked your first port of call would be HR, because there are health and safety considerations and you need to discuss maternity leave etc, but then you’d generally just tell your boss first in a private conversation and then perhaps ‘announce’ it to your closer co-workers in general conversation. Most people I’ve worked with have just said ‘Hey, everyone – small announcement, I’m going to have a baby’ or whatever. People will say congratulations, maybe ask when it’s due, etc, but I’ve never seen a big deal being made out of it at work.

      1. TechWriter*

        Not to mention if you’re at the “fresh pregnancy test” stage it’s…. REALLY REALLY REALLY early to be announcing it at work? Or to anyone other than your co-conceiver?

        An acquaintance I had on FB once shared her positive test with the entire world… only to have to share again like two weeks later that she’d sadly miscarried. You do not want to put yourself in this scenario.

    5. Hiring Mgr*

      The LW makes it sound like they were going to share it on social as they have done with birthday announcements etc.”to attract clients”. , which is unfathomable..

    6. Missy*

      I think people don’t realize how fake a lot of social media is. Jessie might have been watching “surprise pregnant announcement” videos and seen people laughing or crying in joy, or whatever, and didn’t realize that a lot of that stuff is pre-scripted or shot multiple times. My step-sister was a mildly successful instagram “Mommy blogger” and for a while it totally warped her ideas of normal since all the people she followed and her social media algorithm was nothing but these other mothers who all were perfectly styled and always were doing fun and interesting projects with their kids, who were never tired or cranky.

      1. JustaTech*

        It sounds like a friend of mine who was sent a box by her brother’s fiancé that my friend was supposed to wait to open while she was on Facetime with the fiancé.
        The idea was that she would open the box and a balloon would float out asking her to be a bridesmaid and she would clap her hands in delight and cry and say yes.
        Thankfully she opened it in advance and so was able to give the happy and pleased response rather than her initial honest response which was “ahh! balloon! What the heck? Really?”

        You just can’t expect that everyone has read the same Pinterest/Instagram script as you have.

    7. Dust Bunny*

      Same.

      If this were a group of her besties who were all trying to have kids at the same time and were all into babies and potential babies, yeah, not my scene but we all have our friend dynamics so OK.

      But at work? Big ol’ no. I don’t know if this was naive or massively egotistical or what but Jessie missed it by a mile.

    8. anonymous73*

      Jessie sounds like the type of person who’s entitled, thinks the world revolves around her, and expects everyone that she shares air with to be as excited about her life events as she is.

    9. Broadway Duchess*

      There are some people who give (what I think are) over the top reactions and it’s fine, it’s part of their personalities. Some people, tho…

      I used to work in employee health and the group was “like a family,” and that should’ve been my first clue about the dysfunction. Anyway, I’d been having dull abdominal pain and one of the NPs (who was just waaaay too familiar and nosey) kept asking if I was pregnant, even outside of this abdominal thing. Finally, she said I should take a test because it could be an ectopic pregnancy (just assuming that I’m pregnant) . So, I go home and take the test and it’s positive. My OB was able to fit me in that evening and everything’s fine, not ectopic. I texted the NP that all was well and that I’d be in the next day.

      The next morning, she corners me and demands to know if I’m pregnant and, as I’m a terrible liar, she didn’t believe my non-denial denials. My colleagues had started to trickle in and at the morning meeting, the NP says, “There’s another person here that we can’t see” and smiles at me. Everyone figures out that I’m pregnant and it was chaos. I was soooo uncomfortable and the NP couldn’t figure out why I had such a problem. She way just baby crazy, but that really colored how I saw her for the rest of my time there.

  52. MPerera*

    I work in a hospital laboratory where we routinely deal with patients’ bodily fluids, and we take all precautions with those. I can’t imagine someone throwing a used pregnancy test at me, especially in a situation where I *wasn’t* wearing PPE!

    1. Rusty Shackelford*

      Right? If she’d taken this test at the doctor’s office, everyone who handled it would be wearing gloves.

    2. Damn it, Hardison!*

      Right?! I once had to deposit a couple of samples at my medical lab. They were in plastic containers, inside plastic bags, and inside a paper bag. The medical professional put on gloves before accepting it from me. Throwing a used pregnancy test at an unsuspecting coworker is bizarre and so inappropriate that it redefines the term inappropriate.

      1. Texan In Exile*

        I had to deliver fecal samples to the lab as part of my Peace Corps outplacement. The instructions were to put a sample the size of half a lentil in each of three small vials.

        I did so, then, as you did, wrapped the vials in plastic and then put them in a paper bag.

        When I got to the lab, I slid the bag apologetically across the counter.

        As I was doing so, the man next to me pulled his three vials out of his pocket. Just the vials. And he had interpreted “half a lentil” to mean “fill the vial completely.”

        2. PT*

          I had to bring a fecal sample to my cat’s veterinarian and drop it off with the receptionist. I wrote my cat’s name, my name, and my phone number on a ziploc bag for identification, put the fecal sample in the ziploc bag, and then put the ziploc bag in a small shopping bag to hand to the receptionist.

          When I handed it to the receptionist she flinched. I said, “Oh don’t worry, it’s in a zipper bag inside that bag!”

          She said, “Oh good! You would not believe the number of people who just hand me poop.”

          2. Rockette J Squirrel*

            Our veterinarian requested a fecal sample from our dog, and the tech relayed it via phone, saying the sample should be about the size of a Hershey’s Kiss. With disposable gloves on, I carefully placed the required-size sample into the corner of a plastic baggie, inside another baggie. Twisted the baggie corner and taped it shut. Placed it onto a square of foil, on top of a strip of paper I’d printed out, which said: Squirrel Ortney’s Kiss 7/25/17 @ 7:55 am (repeated). Carefully closed the foil and gently twisted it closed, with paper hanging out the top. Put it in yet another baggie, then in a paper sack. Handed it over, and went to visit the clinic Guinea Pigs, waiting. The tech came out with it, showing it to all present, snort-laughing the whole time.

    3. ParrotMom*

      I work in a hospital laboratory, too, in microbiology. My first thought: Urine pregnancy dipsticks aren’t collected with clean catch – the best ones are first morning routine void. Which means that it’s loaded with bacteria, too.

  53. Erin*

    Just here to validate that you are not crazy. Abby deserves an apology, and Jessie needs to be told to stop bullying Abby. So childish. No one said your baby is gross; throwing an object that you peed on at another person is objectively gross.

    I swear, things that should go without saying…This is why we have Ask A Manager.

  54. Jam Today*

    Throw the male execs a used menstrual pad that’s been carefully rewrapped in toilet paper and put back in the little plastic self-stick baggie it came in and tell them its nbd because they’re not actually touching menstrual fluid.

    1. PT*

      It doesn’t even have to be used. It just has to be unwrapped and re-wrapped. It’ll look used and make the same point.

  55. NW Mossy*

    As the kids would say, this is cringe.

    Allowing for this particular organization’s affection for celebrating employees’ personal milestones, there are so very many ways to capture that enthusiasm that do not involve pee. Fortune cookies with “Jessie’s pregnant!” slips inside, perhaps?

    Lean on your ally in corporate HR – let them know that it’s still not addressed and resulting in negative impact to an employee who didn’t in any way agree to be part of this terrible TikTok.

  56. Emeemay*

    Oh ABSOLUTELY NOT.

    Abby deserves an apology and a couple days off, and the pregnant lady needs to sit down and consider how she’d react if someone threw her something that had been soaked in another persons pee.

    Also everyone bullying Abby deserves a formal write up. What the FORK.

  57. Anon attorney*

    Really, the pee thing is by the by in a way. The issue is that Jessie is involving the office in a drama about her hurt feelings. What you said to Jessie and Daniela in the moment was perfectly reasonable. I suspect that the male management are rolling their eyes at “the girls” and that’s what is making you second guess yourself.

    Jessie’s manager needs to be told by HR or you or someone else in authority to tell Jessie to cut it out immediately. If you hear any further remarks you should shut them down in the moment and let the person’s manager know. And in your place, I would make it quite clear that I was not going to apologize to Jessie nor ask anyone else to do so.

    I think this might be a corporate HR flies in for the day and knocks heads together scenario. Could you make that happen?

    1. Haha Lala*

      Such a good point. I wonder if the male managers would have reacted differently if the first target was a man, instead of Abby. If a man had been forced to touch Jessie’s pee stick, management would take it seriously and then I guarantee she’d at least be getting a stern talking to, if not disciplinary actions… ugh.

  58. Jennifer Ward*

    Besides the fact that this is super gross, she THREW something at an UNSUSPECTING coworker. How tacky and weird.

    Talk to HR again. Make sure they do their job. Threaten to CALL THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT if they don’t.
    Have a private conversation with Abby and make sure she understands she has an ally.
    Sorry for all the CAPS.

  59. StressedButOkay*

    Oh. My. GOD.

    1) Abby had something that was PEED on thrown at her. Even someone who wasn’t a germaphobe would have a natural “EW” reaction. She doesn’t think Jessie’s baby is gross (eyeroll), she thinks something covered in pee is.

    2) What about people who have had infertility issues?? It’s one thing to talk about your upcoming pregnancy but to YEET your PEE STICK in someone’s face…

    Abby has some real issues to take to a lawyer if the bullying doesn’t stop. HR needs to step up right now and nip this in the bud.

  60. Happily resigned*

    Two thoughts…if Abby had a documented condition with fear of germs, the stunt could be deemed harassment based on her disability. And this is right up there with the guy who pees in the jar and dumps it into the office sink with the dishes. Disgusting doesn’t even describe it. The men in the office who want apologies probably pee directly into the sinks and don’t wash their hands.

    1. CreepyPaper*

      If I’d had that thrown at me, Jessie would have got a lecture about people with compromised immune systems and how you can’t tell who has one and it’s Not Okay to throw your germ-ridden stuff at people because you don’t KNOW if you could make them sick by doing that. Phobias are sicknesses too, is my poorly articulated point here, but honestly!

      Abby needs an apology and Jessie needs to be dragged to the top of the top HR and very sternly dealt with.

  62. RagingADHD*

    Jessie has contracted a terrible case of Main Character Syndrome, and apparently the office’s emphasis on social media has erased her ability to distinguish between real life and staged online performances. Which puts her level of maturity somewhat lower than the average middle-school child. Most 7th graders I know are already aware that tik tok pranks are unlikely to play out the same way in real life.

    And the passive aggressive comments? No, Jessie. Your baby isn’t gross. YOU are gross.

    I can’t believe that only one person in the hierarchy understood why throwing a pee stick at someone is disgusting and unacceptable. I hope you give Abby a great reference while she looks for a new job. Please also document all the bullying and make sure Corporate knows what assess your onsite management are.

    1. sofar*

      Yep and I can kinda see why Jessie is upset. Her office environment encourages stuff like this, she thought she was doing something SUPER creative, and her coworker reacted viscerally in a way that she didn’t expect. And now Jessie is trying to make herself feel better about her questionable judgement by vilifying Abby. And leadership is helping her do that.

      What a mess. This needs a huge detangling, including LEADERSHIP acknowledging that Abby did nothing wrong and that it was complicit in fostering an environment that encouraged what Jessie did. And apologize for it. But that will likely never happen.

      1. AnotherLibrarian*

        Yeah, there’s a lot of interesting defensiveness cropping up here as bullying I suspect, but that doesn’t make it okay. I can easily see how the drama of all this would completely get out of hand.

    2. Ama*

      Given the response here, Jessie should be glad Abby’s reaction made sure this video was never posted — I do not think this would have gotten her the kind of positive attention on social media she obviously thought it would.

      1. RagingADHD*

        If someone wants to refer to their own unborn child as their baby, that’s their prerogative.

        Someone’s reaction to a used medical test is not the same as their reaction to a pregnancy or to a baby.

  63. Ginge*

    Wouldn’t it have been a better idea for Jessie to take a photo of her pregnancy test instead and placed that on desks? Cleaner, safer and without Drama and upset co workers for a start.
    I don’t get why HR are demanding apology letters from anyone, with the exception of Jessie to Abby. Are they just wanting to be seen doing the right thing by a pregnant employee. Anything bodily fuid wise is a massive No, no and HR should be investigating this, not penalising the recipients.

    1. EvilQueenRegina*

      Cleaner and safer, yes, but even that could still have potential for drama and upset coworkers – I can see the latter happening if she put such a photo on the desk of someone who had fertility issues.

    2. Nea*

      I will bet cash money that the version that local HR believes is Jesse’s narrative: “I told her I was pregnant and she told me it was gross” and not “I threw a pee stick at Abby.”

      1. Humble Schoolmarm*

        As I have said to more than a few seventh graders ‘That’s not why you’re in trouble. It’s the five steps in between that are the problem.”

        Life lesson to the Jessie’s: If your actions remind a middle school teacher of a disciplinary conversation, you need to re-evaluate your life choices.

  64. Purple Cat*

    I have no words.
    I feel so horribly for Abby. Nobody should be subjected to this. Bodily fluids and germaphobe aside what if she was struggling with infertility and had to deal with this type of “announcement”?
    Everybody needs to apologize to Abby and anybody who’s saying otherwise needs a formal reprimand.
    Egads.

  65. Sharpiee*

    People never cease to amaze me. A baby isn’t “gross”, a stick covered in pee is gross. Unless you’re handing it to the soon-to-be coparent, it has no business being forced into anyone else’s hands. I’m hoping she doesn’t fling a dirty diaper to announce the birth of the baby.

    2. Shira Von Doom*

      yep. even the most obnoxiously baby mad office I ever worked at, while the half day parties commencing after announcement bugged me and ate up time I wanted to be working…at least the announcements themselves involved no body fluids or other over-sharing re visual aid, LOL

      I’m perfectly capable of being politely happy for someone about their impending parenthood if you don’t put your pee on me.

    3. MeleMallory*

      I didn’t even make my husband touch the pee stick. I didn’t even want to touch it after I peed on it, and it was my own pee. I can kind of understand sharing it with the coparent, but there are still better ways to do it. (First pregnancy, I held it up so he could see it; the second one I left it on the bathroom counter (on top of toilet paper) because he was still asleep and I had to go to work.) When I shared it with my coworkers, I showed them my ultrasound photo. I wouldn’t have even thought to record it and share it on social media.

      A recent Tik Tok sticks in my mind, where the gal put her pee stick under her partner’s waffles and then was shocked when he wasn’t super excited. Like, you just contaminated his waffles with your pee and you think he’d be excited? I don’t understand it.

    4. RagingADHD*

      I don’t know why you’d even show the stick to your partner, since the result window changes after a fairly short time anyway. They all look positive after about 5 minutes, so what is the point?

      It’s not a souvenir. Or a trophy.

      1. Dahlia*

        Some people take pregnany tests with their partner less than five minutes away. In the same house, sometimes, even.

      2. Ismonie*

        They don’t, actually. Sometimes you can get a really faint line after it dries, but not a real blazing positive.

      3. Emi*

        If you’re testing early it’s nice to get a second opinion so I always just test when my husband and I are both home. At least with the pink dye tests, idk about the others.

  66. Suzy Q*

    Ughhhhhhh. I am totally on Abby’s side here. Throwing a pee stick at someone? NOPE. Also? Not everyone will be delighted with your pregnancy news at work, for various reasons, so don’t assume a supportive reaction from anyone.

  67. Elenna*

    I’m probably the opposite of germaphobic (the other day I ate a jelly bean that had been on the floor for several days and had then been touched by my (clean, bare) foot) and even I’m having a mildly disturbed reaction at the thought of touching a stick that someone else had peed on. Especially if I didn’t expect it. So, yeah, 100% supporting Abby here.

  68. a clockwork lemon*

    I get that there’s a gross-out component to someone having peed on the stick, but like…I am NOT a germophobe, don’t generally care about bodily fluids, and would probably react the exact same way, but with many more expletives, if someone came into my workplace and handed me their pregnancy test. That’s absolutely bonkers, way beyond manners and etiquette.

    You should follow up with corporate HR and keep them very in the loop about what’s happening and how Abby continues to be treated.

  69. cwhf*

    “But here’s the part everyone’s mad at. I told them it’s never okay to hand someone something they urinated on, regardless of if they wiped it down and put the cap back on it. I said we’re excited for Jessie but that wasn’t okay and to throw the test out or take it home.”

    LW I absolutely cannot fathom why any of this statement would be at all controversial or up for debate. Poor Abby is the wronged party here and Jessie needs to be put in check because she is acting ridiculously and bullying (and engaging the rest of the team as I understand it) into bullying Abby after she had a completely normal and appropriate reaction to a disgusting action on Jessie’s part. HR needs to shut Jessie down. If they won’t or apologies are continued to be encouraged, I’d find a new workplace because these folks are completely bonkers and illogical.

  70. RoboBob*

    Wow, I think your entire office wins the Passive Aggressive People of the Year Award. Not only is Jessie pulling the classic intentionally-misunderstanding-what-you-actually-said thing (i.e., she called my baby “gross,” not a peed-on test stick) but apology letters? Whatever happened to getting everyone in the same room and actually TALKING to each other?

    I don’t know if you will get Jessie and Daniela to admit they exercised poor judgment here, but I think it would be beneficial for all of the affected parties to sit down in the same room and go around and share “I feel” statements. Abby can share how being forced to handle someone’s dirty pee stick made her feel. Jessie can share how Abby’s reaction to what she thought was sharing exciting personal news was. OP can share how having to manage a bunch of people screaming at each other over something that’s frankly really juvenile made her feel.

    And the HR people at your branch should at least sit in and try to learn how to handle this kind of situation. I don’t think they should be allowed to share their thoughts at all.

    1. Suzy Q*

      I completely disagree with this getting everybody to sit down and talk about their feelings bullshit. That would put Abby in the hot seat again, completely unnecessarily. I would not agree to such a thing if I were Abby. This is a workplace, not a counseling center.

      2. pancakes*

        I totally agree, Suzy. If Jessie and Daniela want to apologize, fine, but they’ll still be immature jerks with terrible judgment, and no one needs to hear how or why they justified behaving this way to themselves. If either of them feels a need to talk about how upset they are about this being poorly received, they can go get counseling.

      3. Dust Bunny*

        Yeah, Abby has been through enough. Jessie, especially, and Daniela need a talking-to and that’s it.

      4. AnotherLibrarian*

        Wow, no. This is not a case of all people having valid feelings. Someone had bodily fluids thrown at them and is now being bullied for their totally sane and normal reaction to having bodily fluids thrown at them. Jessie and Daniela showed shockingly poor judgement, should apologize, and cut it out. That’s all.

    2. I edit everything*

      Nooooo. That sounds like torture for all.

      Someone, preferably HR, needs to speak explicitly to Jessie and Daniela about their inappropriate behavior and ongoing bullying and make no bones about how they must behave going forward. I have a strong suspicion they targeted Abby intentionally. Abby gets all the apologies–she’s the only one who was truly hurt here.

    3. Texan In Exile*

      “being forced to handle someone’s dirty pee stick” is not a “both sides have a point” argument.

    4. anonymouse*

      This is beyond passive-aggressive. They are being straight-up aggressive towards Abby- threatening to discipline her if she doesn’t apologize and bullying are pretty straightforward acts of aggression.
      I don’t think the “I feel” thing would work. That type of thing might work in a second-grade classroom, but in this situation, it’s adults who have proven to be stubborn and self-righteous in their treatment of Abby. It’s clear how the three main people in this situation feel- Jessie is horribly offended by Abby’s (well warranted) reaction, Abby is upset that a pee stick was thrown at her on camera in front of her colleagues, and LW is upset that this happened in the first place, that the office is bullying & ganging up on Abby, and that HR & management in their office is being worse than useless. I also think that if HR were to facilitate this discussion, there is an implication that “no one is right or wrong”. The reality is that this is a conflict with two sides and one of them is right and one of them is wrong.

    5. Nanani*

      Letting bullies steal the show by asking them their feelings is like inviting your abusive ex to couple’s therapy. A bad idea.

    6. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      But both sides KNOW how the other feels, that’s part of the problem. The bully knows they’ve offended the victim and the victim knows the bully thinks they’re an evil child hating creep.

      If someone is harassing me at work it’s never solved by having them sit down and relate to me exactly why they feel the need to be an arse. It’s solved by someone in authority telling the bully that, whatever their feelings, they have to stop this right now or dire consequences will ensue.

    7. RoboBob*

      Wow, if you could all slow down on the gang-beating of my comment for a moment, I never suggested Jessie’s behavior was a valid or reasonable way to act. Of COURSE Jessie and Daniela are being bullies and are in the wrong. But obviously no one is actually talking TO each other, instead there’s constant backstabbing and blame-throwing and that affects the entire office, not just Jessie, Abby, and LW. HR is apparently incapable/unwilling to step in and do anything but turning Jessie and Daniela into personae-non-grata doesn’t help either. They still have to be able to work in the office too.

      I find it a bit hypocritical that so many folks here call this “talk about their feeling bullshit” when Alison often advises direct communication about conflict. Yes getting a pee stick thrown at you is gross and completely inappropriate but, visceral emotional reactions aside, this is about resolving interpersonal conflict and addressing poor decision making, not permanently socially ostracizing someone.

      1. cmcinnyc*

        Someone at my job bungled a firing and people flipped out and there was an everybody-in-the-conference-room-talking-about-our-feelings-arama and WHOO BOY that is the worst idea. Because it is perfectly possible to continue to be shitty while using “I feel” statements, to control and manipulate while using “active listening,” and generally make the whole situation a torture chamber for the person who is least popular. Which would be Abby. Who does not deserve this.

        1. Artemesia*

          Active listening and other therapy processes are OFTEN used to bludgeon people — add a little passive aggressive and it is even a more powerful weapon.

      2. Humble Schoolmarm*

        It sounds like you’re suggesting something like a restorative (justice) approach which we do use a lot in schools these days. When it’s done right and all parties are open to it, it can be a really powerful conflict resolution tool. The problem (and trust me, I do speak from experience here) is that it only works if the people who were in the wrong (Jessie and Daniela) are open to that possibility. It seems pretty clear that Jessie, at least, hasn’t even advanced to the “I don’t see why this is a big deal” stage of blame-avoidance, so Abbie sharing her feelings is likely to fall on deaf ears at best or give Jessie more bullying ammunition at worst. I do agree that more talking should be done, but for the moment I think it needs to be a) calm b) firm and c) from a person in authority.

      3. RagingADHD*

        Please explain how Abby is backstabbing or blame-throwing.

        Pretending like “everyone” is embroiled in bad behavior or a multi-way dispute, is just wrongheaded.

        Jessie and her enablers probably need to hear Abby out as part of their apology. There is no reason that Abby or anyone else needs to give special listening time to Jessie. She’s been very loud about her feelings and everyone heard it already. Jessie’s attitude should not be dignified with that much attention.

      4. Tali*

        I agree that people need to talk, and direct communication is needed… But Abby doesn’t really need to hear Jessie/Daniela’s opinion. She is already hearing it via their bullying. LW/HR need to sit down with Jessie & Daniela and speak directly to them about why their behavior is unacceptable and will have consequences. Jessie & Daniela need to speak with Abby and apologize. Once they work to repair the damage they did to their relationship with Abby, then they will be able to work in the office like normal.

      5. Critical Rolls*

        Direct communication and talking about feelings can certainly overlap, but they are not the same. “Your behavior was inappropriate” is very direct communication, no feelings are involved.

        The reason you’ve got a bit of a pile-on here is because your suggestion legitimizes Jessie’s bad-faith excuses for her current actions, and makes them equivalent to Abby’s justified reaction to having a pee stick thrown at her. That would be absolutely detrimental, “both-sides”-ing a situation where someone is actually clearly in the wrong.

        Additionally, the person in danger of being permanently socially ostracized here is the VICTIM, Abby. The initial incident demonstrated incredibly poor boundaries and judgement from Jessie and Daniela, but I agree that the goal would have been to manage them to a better place. At this point, they have refused to admit wrongdoing, are bullying the wronged party, and waging a successful (!) campaign to turn the whole office against her. That’s a LOT of extremely serious bad behavior. Now the objective is to see if these two are salvageable at all or if they need to be let go.

  71. The Bill Murray Disagreement*

    WTAF!?! OP, when you began the letter saying you’d gotten feedback you should have managed the situation better, I had full expectations that this letter was going to outline how you didn’t respond appropriately to the situation. Holy smokes, that is not the case at all.

    As for what to do about Abby and the bullying she’s facing, whether or not you have direct reports, with your executive title, you absolutely have standing to talk to Abby, tell her that you back her, and even get her connected with the corporate HR person who sounds like one of the only other folks who have sensible reactions to what happened here. On top of that, if you’re not already doing this, tell people to stop saying stuff to or about Abby when they discuss this. If you hear it, shut it down immediately. And don’t water that message down. As for Jessie, pull her aside right now and tell her to knock those comments off. If you feel less confident fielding those conversations on your own, pull in HR. What she’s doing is not ok and it sounds like no one else in your satellite office has any sense of what is and isn’t acceptable behavior when it comes to this topic.

  72. Alice*

    Jessie needs to chill out and HR should not be requiring people to write formal letters apologizing to her because her feelings were hurt after she manipulated people into a situation and then didn’t get the reaction she wanted from it. She could have very easily given people a PHOTO of the pregnancy test, which communicates the same message without SURPRISE! URINE! If anything Jessie needs to apologize to Abby for ostracizing her simply because Jessie didn’t get the reaction she felt entitled to.

  73. EV*

    No body owes Jessie an apology letter. In fact I’d be on the side that Jessie’s pregnancy needs to be a topic not discussed in the office at all, since she can’t be an adult about it.

    Abby has some sort of claim/ conversation with HR here for bullying and mistreatment, but i’m not a legal person. And Abby needs not only an apology but much support from corporate to ensure that her issues are *never* made fun off again.

    And I’d be telling corporate that many of their staff are unhappy with this situation and their handling.

  74. YL*

    Jessie and Daniela are in the wrong. I know pregnant people can do some outrageous things because of hormones, but jeez. Throwing a used pregnancy test to a germaphobic co-worker without warning and during Covid?! Your local HR is wack for demanding Abby apologize. At least your corporate HR had more sense. Document all the bad behavior Jessie is doing.

    1. Ismonie*

      Pretty sure this has to do with Jessie being a bad person, not about misogynistic stereotypes about “pregnancy hormones.”

    2. Critical Rolls*

      “Pregnancy hormones” is right up there with “that time of the month” for dismissing women’s behavior as irrational and implying they can’t be trusted/control themselves. Jessie is just a [redacted].

  75. Anonfornow*

    What I’m most horrified by is the stance your local HR has taken in this whole saga.

    Go back to corporate HR and ask for them to clarify this with their counterparts at your site ASAP. And to ensure the bullying of Abby stops immediately.

  76. Mockingdragon*

    I’m just here to ask again for a “Chaos” tag on the website! Now to read the comments…because…wow.

    2. Guacamole Bob*

      I love that headlines ending with “and now there is chaos” are becoming a recurring motif.

  77. nerak*

    Three things:
    1. it’s disgusting to have a pee stick thrown at you
    2. as someone commented upthread, it’s insensitive to those who may be experiencing infertility/loss, also why would you tell coworkers SO EARLY ON in a pregnancy in the first place? as someone who has also experienced miscarriages, it’s not something I’d want to have to anyone outside of my closest circle. there’s a reason people wait to share the news.
    3. you’re forcing people to be in your dumb tiktok (I’m assuming) reaction video without asking them if they want to be involved.

    Abby’s not wrong for her reaction.

    1. Broadway Duchess*

      I agree with 1 & 3, but I want to push back a bit on 2. Miscarriages happen and if it would make the expecting parent uncomfortable to explain that if it happened, that’s a valid choice. But there’s nothing inherently wrong about telling as early as you’re comfortable. Different things work for different people.

  78. I don’t post often*

    Just when you think people cannot be stranger, along comes Ask A Manager.
    Where DO these people come from?!

    It is terrible that Abby is getting bullied and that should stop immediately.

    1. anonymous73*

      Sometimes I miss working in a big office with 3 dimensional people and then I read stories like this, and while I’ve never had to deal anything at this level of immaturity, a lot times I felt like I was navigating my way through middle school again. So I’m happy to be alone in my house.

  80. Coder von Frankenstein*

    Corporate HR clearly have their heads on straight, so I agree with the other posters that going back to them is a good idea. If nothing else, they should be able to come down hard on your local HR department if need be (and it sounds like need probably is).

    Beyond that, I’m wondering what exactly the “multiple versions” of the story are. How are Jessie and Daniela spinning this to make it seem not-appalling? Are they outright lying, or leaving out the “used pregnancy test” part, or what? Is everyone on the same page about the actual facts here? If not, straightening that out might help straighten out the managers/local HR. (Or it might not. Depends on how reasonable they are under normal circumstances.)

    1. penny dreadful analyzer*

      oh, Jessie and Daniela are absolutely, 100% referring to throwing a used pregnancy test at someone as “announcing the pregnancy,” and allowing the listener to assume it was a normal, i.e., verbal, announcement that Abby yelled “Gross” at.

  81. Metadata Janktress*

    Wut.

    * Abby needs an apology
    * You didn’t say how Abby’s manager/Jessie’s manager and onsite HR responded after corporate HR’s response. If they seemed to back off on the disciplinary talk, it might be worth asking them to speak to the worst offenders of the bullying. If that gets no results (I suspect it won’t since they somehow didn’t think tossing an item that was urinated on was a problem) I’d speak to corporate HR again about what is still happening, especially if Abby’s managers are getting involved in the bullying, especially especially if it’s causing her issues with getting work done, e.g. she’s being pulled off assignments, there are bottlenecks due to people refusing to give things to Abby.
    * When people tell you to write an apology letter, I’d respond that you did the right thing as Jessie put others’ health at risk when throwing a urine-soaked item at them. I’d keep returning to that fact whenever someone tries to drag you into “poor Jessie” conversations. Maybe repetition will get it through their heads finally. (I’d be tempted to loudly state that babies aren’t gross, but urine is whenever Jessie goes off like that. That’s not diplomatic though and perhaps don’t do that.)

    Seriously though. How does no one in that office realize how gross and unsanitary that prank was?!

    1. Charlotte Lucas*

      Dear Jessie,

      I’m sorry that your pregnancy has affected your judgement. Please accept my sincerest apologies that Daniela didn’t warn anybody or try to stop you.

      Sincerely,
      The OP & Corporate HR

  82. Dasein9*

    As Desmond Tutu said, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

    You must shut down the bullying.
    Abby needs to see that you are shutting down the bullying.
    Witnesses to the bullying need to see that it is not tolerated.
    (Bullying includes three parties: the bully, the target, and the witnesses.)

    I’d also keep a close eye on Jessie in future; this is not the behavior of someone who is making good decisions based in sound judgement.

    2. All the words*

      Strongest possible agreement here.

      And go back to corporate HR because this office has some very warped thinking happening.

  83. Amy*

    Wow.
    First off, poor Abby.
    At the end of the day, a pregnancy is a personal thing. If this mom to be can’t figure out the boundaries between personal and professional with something as simple as a pregnancy test, I doubt she’ll figure it out when the baby comes along.

    Abby deserves an apology from her managers and Mom needs a talking to about passive aggressive bullying. A baby isn’t a professional achievement, no one is obligated to congratulate you.

    1. RagingADHD*

      I’m going to slightly push back here. No, nobody is obliged to act excited, but people are obliged to be civil.

      If Jessie had made a normal pregnancy announcement that didn’t involve a) throwing things at people, b) being filmed without asking, or c) body fluids, then it would be really rude for Abby to say “gross.”

      Under the circumstances, it was totally warranted, but that has nothing to do with general communication around pregnancy or any other life milestone. The appropriate response to a coworker sharing personal good news is to say something warm and positive, no matter how you feel about the news yourself.

  84. meagain*

    That’s disgusting and your coworkers don’t care about your pregnancy announcement nearly as much as you think. Or might in fact actually upset someone. The whole scenario and drama sounds ridiculous.

  85. Popcorn For HR theatrics*

    I do hope we get a good update on this one. I am so irked at how Jessie is acting so incredulous about it all; too busy being a victim to actually reflect and empathize. Sounds like they weren’t that good of friends anyway then, so why make someone part of your announcement. Not enough clown face emojis for this.

  86. Anonymous Hippo*

    I think my only advice is to leave and take Abby with you. Or at least transfer to corporate.

    I can’t imagine an entire location (including H.R!) that thinks its ok to throw a pee-stick at anyone, ever. And I do not for ONE SECOND believe that it was tossed to the resident germaphobe first “randomly”. So this was bullying on top as assinine.

      1. Shira Von Doom*

        Agreed. I absolutely cannot believe this is the first time this duo, esp Jessie, has been A Problem. This just may be the first time involving body fluids and something as easy to weaponize socially as pregnancy/a baby.

    2. Jaybee*

      This was my thought as well. The whole set-up is so bizarre that I just can’t see how it was meant in good faith. Who films their coworkers’ responses to their pregnancy announcement?

      This sounds like it was targeted at Abby and may be part of bullying that was already ongoing.

  87. Goose*

    Most people would probably just instantly deflect something thrown at them regardless of what the object was. I feel bad for Abby who had the time to realise what it was before tossing it.

    If Jessie and Daniela wanted to do a perfect “surprise” Daniela should have been the recipient and faked it. Not that I agree with involving the office in this situation in any way.

  88. Thin Mints didn't make me thin*

    Can you imagine being Jessie’s child and having to grow up knowing THIS was the way you were announced to the world?

    1. Verde*

      As someone said above, gawd help this poor child and everyone around them if Jessie does a gender reveal.

  89. pally*

    This situation is nuts- especially for Abby.

    Wouldn’t throwing an object at someone be considered battery?
    Company is fortunate Abby didn’t call the police on this one. And sure, calling the authorities might be an over-reaction for some.

    Apologize to Jessie? For what? “I’m sorry we reacted as any normal person would when an object – with some amount of bodily fluids on it- is unexpectedly thrown at them?”

    1. RagingADHD*

      Not just “for some.”

      Calling the police over something like this would be a ludicrous waste of public resources. I serious doubt that throwing an object that a person catches would meet the legal definition of battery in most places, but even if it did that would be a needless escalation and put Abby right into the bananacrackers camp along with Jessie and her ilk.

  90. Karate snow machine*

    A better way to do a pregnancy announcement would be to send a memo out to everyone about the new filing system. Tell everyone to “Heat my words carefully.” This is a secret clue that everyone should apply heat to the memo to reveal a message written in invisible ink. The secret message says Jessie is pregnant. And what did she use as the invisible ink? Urine. It was urine.

    1. Former Retail Lifer*

      This is a good idea. If they’re going to keep treating her so poorly, I’d absolutely encourage this.

    2. Tali*

      No Abby does not need to ask a (armed? trained to respond to dangerous situations with deadly force?) police officer to get involved. HR and managers need to step up and manage the human resources.

      1. Sashasoo*

        Yeah this seems like an extreme reaction and I am surprised at how many people are suggesting it. Giving someone a used pregnancy test is really gross, and the bullying here is 100% not okay, but I cannot imagine someone would take a police report of “my coworker told me that she was pregnant by tossing me her pregnancy test that had been wiped down and had the cap back on” seriously. HR needs to address this and make it right for Abby. This isn’t a police matter

  92. Kermit’s Bookkeepers*

    OP handled this 100% correctly. The next move would be to pull Abby aside, reiterate that she has nothing to apologize for and behaved appropriately, and instruct her to let him know if she’s subject to any further bullying.

    I think he should document what’s happening and relay it to that HR rep who weighed in before, and should personally let Jessie know that her pregnancy is not the issue here, but her track record of throwing pregnancy tests and creating a hostile work environment for her coworkers very much could be.

    1. Cookies for Breakfast*

      Seconding this.

      I’m baffled that anyone would see the OP’s reaction as anything but perfectly logical. How’s this part even up for discussion?

      “I told them it’s never okay to hand someone something they urinated on, regardless of if they wiped it down and put the cap back on it. ”

      OP, you couldn’t have been more reasonable if you’d tried. It sounds like you didn’t make it about the pregnancy in the least, and Jessie’s attempt to get people on her side by making it seem as if you did says more about her than it does about you or Abby.

      Hope we get to hear about this one in the next update season…

      1. Kermit’s Bookkeepers*

        I can’t even imagine what that update would BE. The way everyone except OP seems to be ganging up on Abby seems like some toxic missing stair nonsense.

  93. Monica, RN*

    So, I’m a nurse and have had patients’ literal liquid pee thrown on me, and don’t think a covered pregnancy test is too gross. That said, a) never bring something like that to an office, and b) definitely don’t throw anything at someone unsuspecting, both seem like general common sense rules! Poor Abby, and what is wrong with your execs expecting everyone to be happy about someone else’s pregnancy announcement? People aren’t required to be ‘happy’ about anything…

    1. Lab Boss*

      But expectations enter into it as well! On the scale of things I’ve been covered in at various jobs, a blotted-dry pregnancy test is basically harmless. But I knew when I was going to get befouled in something horrible and was able to prepare for it, both mentally and with any needed PPE. A tiny bit of urine when you’re NOT ready for it can be worse then something terrible you knew was coming.

  94. Just Here for the Free Lunch*

    What is up with this???? It reminds me of the video of the woman who got upset because her husband reacted poorly when she hid a used positive pregnancy test in his breakfast to surprise him (ewww).

  95. Euripides Pants, Eumenides Pants*

    Oh, lordy, OP! Nothing against all of the many good comments, but I honestly think only Alison Herself could script for you in this one.

  96. Former Retail Lifer*

    It’s quite bold to assume that everyone is going to be SO EXCITED FOR YOU when you announce your pregnancy. Sure, your co-workers will probably be happy for you, but expecting some sort of camera-worthy reaction from them is presumptuous and self-important. And that’s without even considering that something with bodily fluids on it was thrown at someone. If Jessie is this over-the-top about the pregnancy announcement, can you even imagine the gender reveal?

    1. Nay*

      after I pulled my jaw back up from reading this, my next thought was we’ll read about Jessie in the news in a few weeks once her gender reveal maims someone.

    2. pancakes*

      It’s also wildly out of touch. If your coworkers don’t put on big reality show-style performances to react to things in their day-to-day lives, they’re probably not going to start doing so just because someone has turned a camera on them.

    3. Alexis Rosay*

      Right?! I would expect a polite “Congratulations!”, 5 minutes of chit-chat about it, and then back to business. Then people sign a card when the baby is born. Done.

      But that’s me, and one of the things I most dread about being pregnant is coworkers feeling like they can talk/ask about my pregnancy, so when that (hopefully) happens I’m planning to conceal it for as long as possible (yay WFH!).

      …also, I once had a coworker announce her pregnancy in a way that left it unclear whether it was her or her dog that was pregnant, or if she was actually adopting a new puppy, and I’m just really glad no one was filming my extreme confusion.

      1. JustaTech*

        Seriously. When my best fried told me she was pregnant I gave her a shoulder bump and said “congratulations, that’s amazing, when are you due?”
        I did not scream, cry, jump for joy or anything like that. I would have liked to hug her, but COVID.

        As for coworkers it’s always been a politely enthusiastic “congrats!”

        Work just isn’t the place for huge, over the top emotions (in any direction, really).

    4. Batgirl*

      It’s the cult of motherhood. I say that as someone who likes parents and babies, but you can always spot the difference between people having a baby for their own internal satisfaction and those who expect to be worshipped by total strangers for pulling off the miracle of life.

  97. Lizzy Lou*

    I can’t even. I’d loop corporate HR back in on how Abby is being treated and how your onsite HR reps continue to handle this badly. Personally, I’d fire Jessie and Daniela.

    1. Susie*

      Yeah. Add in the bullying and this seems to be a fireable offense, or at least a PIP or written disciplinary action.

      1. Lizzy Lou*

        Yeah, I’ve made a questionable social media post or two so that was a warning. The bullying is fireable.

  98. EmKay*

    Jaysus Chrysler. Report back to corporate HR immediately about everything. Your office is full of bees.

  99. Missy*

    The response from HR/main office makes no sense unless you realize that they don’t really care about the pregnancy/urine/whatever, but the videos. Jessie is the good person in this, to them, because she was trying to make content. And that they will excuse anything in the name of good content that might go viral. I suspect if Jessie did this without recording it the reaction would be different. And at the same time if someone did a prank and recorded it, even if the prank was highly inappropriate (think of something that Michael Scott might have done on the office) the discipline would be the same: get angry at the person who ruined the content.

    I suspect main office is probably highly dysfunctional in ways that OP has been able to avoid by being at a satellite office, and that Jessie is probably more in alignment with the way that main office functions. Maybe I’m wrong, but if they know anyone at main office in a friendly was it might be worth a gut check to see if this is really representative of the corporate culture.

    (And Jessie also needs to know that almost all “surprise videos” are fake. The people know ahead of time what is going on and their reactions are, in some way, pre-planned. They would be using a fake positive pregnancy test. And they would have it set up so that the reaction person stays in focus/etc.)

    1. Jaybee*

      This is an insane take. I don’t know any companies that would see a pregnancy announcement reaction video as an advertising/money-making opportunity, unless they’re already in the content creation business and have the knowledge and infrastructure to monetize the video itself.

  100. Susie*

    “Jessie, I am sorry you felt it was ok to throw your pee stick pregnancy test at me. I am sorry you don’t understand that throwing objects with urine on them is inappropriate, especially when you throw them at coworkers. I am sorry you don’t understand common sense. Best wishes on your pregnancy”.

  101. Rainy*

    Jessie isn’t “excited and didn’t think this through”, Jessie is “an asshole and desperately seeking clicks”. To that end, she threw a urinated-on piece of plastic at a coworker while filming her reaction, and is now crying and bullying people because the reaction was “ugh, urine” rather than “all hail the great Jessica, life-giver, mother of thousands”.

    HR needs to be on this like baking soda on a kitchen fire, and the fact that they’re just sending out tepid emails is a bad sign.

    If Jessie had been filming a video excited that she didn’t get pregnant from a Tinder hookup and threw used tampons on her coworkers, she’d be fired right now, but somehow because it’s just urine, it’s fine? Yikes.

  102. Queen Ruby*

    If someone threw ANYTHING at me – even a squishy stress ball – they’d be lucky not to get punched in the face as a knee-jerk reaction on my part!
    But throwing a PEE STICK?! Oh helllllllll no.

    2. JB*

      I also hate having things thrown at me in general, so I kept getting hung up on that part even without the pee element. This could have gone so much differently if she just held up the test or did something more creative not involving a pee stick.

  103. Daisy-dog*

    You need to speak to Jessie individually. Explain to Jessie that you are very sorry *that her expectations were not met by the announcement experience and that she feels offended*. You don’t need to apologize for what you or Abby did. But I do think it would diffuse the situation if she does get an apology. Next, ask what she would like to happen next. Consider this an interactive conversation. If she asks for something over the top like a public apology, discuss how something else could work instead. The end result needs to be that Jessie no longer puts on a show of being offended and leaves Abby alone, but ideally Jessie comes to this result on her own.

    You should also speak to Daniela individually. Also apologize *that the announcement did not go as expected* – not about what you or Abby did. Explain what is going to happen now and that she needs to stop talking about it and leave Abby alone. Likely because Jessie has been appeased she will calm down already, but it may be worth having this conversation too.

    1. Polly Hedron*

      No, those would be insincere non-apology apologies which would probably make Jessie, Daniela, and on-site HR angrier.
      Instead, OP should immediately report this situation to the head of corporate HR and then send us an immediate update!

      1. Daisy-dog*

        My intention is that it would be a sincere apology about the situation. If OP is not sorry the situation happened, then OP should not take my advice. But I did not get a read from OP that she thinks Jessie is as heinous an individual as the commentariat does, so she may at least feel sorry for Jessie that her expectations were not met.

        1. pancakes*

          Whether she’s a heinous individual is beside the point. None of us who read this letter have a full picture of her life or her character. Her behavior during and after her attempt to make this video was bonkers, and she’s not entitled to an apology for the fact that her expectations as to how other people would react were way out of line. Absolutely not. Her expectations were way, way off whether the letter writer pities her or not. So is her sense that she’s somehow entitled to bully the rest of her coworkers for not conforming to her bonkers expectations.

  104. Ann Onymous*

    In addition to following up with HR and others to get the bullying stopped, it would probably also be a good idea to have a conversation with Abby and reassure her that she didn’t do anything wrong. Even though that might seem obvious, if Abby’s being repeatedly bullied about this there’s a good chance she’s starting to doubt herself.

  105. GenXisReal!*

    Hey, I just tested negative for covid!

    *tosses used cotton swab at co-worker*

    That’s good news too. But it is also disgusting. Abby’s reaction was normal even for someone who is not germ phobic. HR needs to address the nasty behavior of the co-workers who are still being jerks.

  106. Lady Lynn Waterton of Bellashire*

    Holy heck. Not to mention, pregnancy information out of the blue and in your face (literally!) can be incredibly triggering for many people. Just because you’re celebrating doesn’t mean you’re allowed to dictate how other people react.

  107. Where’s the Orchestra?*

    I would have taken it straight to the dumpster after being really clear about how easily that “pee stick” could spread germs.

    Jessie and others who want “performances” out of me would get it – but I highly doubt it’s the performance they wanted. And anybody who wants to whine about my throwing away Jessie’s test would be getting an earful about the fact she threw it at me first.

    1. CarrieT*

      But…a pregnancy test cannot spread germs any more easily than a pen can. Pee is sterile. Any “germs”on the plastic test would have perished. Pee is not gross, it is a normal and healthy bodily function.

      1. Molly Coddler*

        While pee is indeed healthy it is not sterile. It’s a myth that it’s sterile. And even if it was completely sterile, I don’t want someone throwing that at me. Not sure why you bring up a false pen equivalency with the pen tho.

        1. fposte*

          Right, even when they thought urine was sterile they meant urine in the bladder (because it picks up microorganisms from being excreted) and urine from healthy people who don’t currently have, say, a bladder infection. And now it turns out even in the bladder urine isn’t completely sterile.

          FWIW, some microorganisms can last for days, weeks, even months on plastic, whether pens or pee sticks, so “like a pen” probably isn’t a good way to claim it’s untainted.

        4. Anonny*

          Even if pee was sterile, a OTC pregnancy test isn’t, a used pregnancy test sounds like the ideal conditions for bacteria and viruses to live in. The pee-on part is often made of nitrocellulose paper, an organic substance which bacteria and viruses love, and it’s damp, and it almost certainly hasn’t been exposed to temperatures that would kill germs.

          By contrast, pens are often made of plastic or metal, and they’re dry on the outside. Not a germ-free environment, but certainly not germ paradise like a damp piece of paper is!

        1. Carol the happy elf*

          Oh, no, urine is not sterile, and thank you for the link. I worked in a lab to put myself through school, and was shocked at:
          1) How many people believe this without thinking it through (and it IS true that UTIs are more common among women than men, but that’s urethra length and distance from anus, not moral superiority!) AND-
          2) How utterly NOT sterile urine really is. Even in a clean catch protocol, there are some coliforms and yeasts, staph, and other ickiness. Even blood cells.
          3) How some people think THEIR urine doesn’t smell too bad.

          We used to have the pregnancy tests behind the counter, and would verbally warn customers that they needed to “double-bag a cleaned positive test before taking it to their doctor”, because he didn’t wanna touch their used test. Now these tests can be had for a dollar.
          But. Still icky.

          1. Liz*

            This is why i will pee VERY carefully when giving a sample, wipe any dribbles off the cup, etc. before placing it in the bag for the lab. and why too, I’ve been given wipes to clean the area before peeing in the cup!

        2. The Petty Bureaucracy*

          Huh. I guess the movie Dodgeball lied to me. I can’t believe that Vince Vaughn would do that.

          1. Jules the 3rd*

            lol….

            It’s an ooooolllld wives tale. They used to think that having virgin boys pee on wounds would help them heal, I think going back to medieval times. That pee might have been cleaner than the water available, so maybe, but still not sterile. (google google to check that I am remembering that right)

            Oh wow, yeah, that’s still being passed around. Some kinda woo about antimicrobials (the ammonia, I guess?) and nutrients. Oh dear.

          2. Xantar*

            Sadly, it’s also something that was told to me during a sex ed class. And I believed it for a long time.

      3. Lady Danbury*

        Saliva is a normal, healthy bodily function. So is poop, semen and menstrual blood. I’d still be thoroughly grossed out if one of my coworkers threw an item that had been splashed with any of the above at me. Something that is normal and healthy can still be gross, depending on the context.

      4. CarrieT*

        I guess my point is that pee is not objectively gross, so it’s unfair to declare that to be TRUE. Spit and nasal secretions are much more germy, but we don’t freak out when people sneeze or cough. There is literally aerosolized pee all over every bathroom, but we don’t freak out about it. I do not condone this pregnancy test stunt for a variety of reasons, but I simply don’t agree that the object itself is in any way dangerous or worthy of revulsion.

        1. Ducky*

          Yeah, if you spit on a pen and handed it to me, tossed a bloody bandaid, or threw a used Kleenex at me I would refuse to touch those also. I’m not a germaphobe but you don’t put your bodily fluids near another person without their consent.

          1. Loulou*

            Right…if someone coughs into their hand and then shakes someone else’s hand immediately after, it is considered a breach of etiquette (even pre-pandemic). This is worse!

        2. Love WFH*

          I assure you that a lot of people, me included, would have a automatic, instinctive reaction of revulsion to something that has been peed on
          This isn’t about the careful assessment of actual risk, it’s a visceral, emotional thing.

        3. Nanani*

          None of this is true.
          Pee -is- gross, people DO freak out when people spit and cough (like, maybe you dont but a lot of places have laws against spitting in public, for instance, well predating the pandemic), and “aerosolized pee” is not how physics work.

        4. SarahKay*

          Wait, what – “pee is not objectively gross”?!? I beg to differ. Would you pee on your hand and then use that hand to eat without washing it first? (If the answer is yes, then… okay, I got nothing).

        5. Ashley*

          I disagree that pee is not objectively gross. There is a reason you try to get in and get out of bathrooms and not think about it. There is a reason some people refuse to use public restrooms.
          So if someone through a used tampon applicator at you that would be ok? It is just a bloodily fluid to you right?
          I find this whole concept super gross in of all places a work setting.

        6. Lady Danbury*

          There’s a reason why a past LW wrote in to complain about her boss putting her pens in his mouth. Iirc, the original letter was pre-pandemic then there was an update where he gave her covid. Most people don’t want their coworkers handing them items that have any bodily fluids on them, including saliva and nasal secretions, both because of the potential germs but also because they are gross.

        7. Not So NewReader*

          Pee is human waste. I think it’s best not to tell people what they should or should not be repulsed by. In our society throwing human waste at another person is a sign of HIGH disrespect.

          Additionally, one does not need to escalate to the level of “repulsed” in order to have the right to say, “Do not throw things at me with pee or poop on them.” This is just baseline stuff.

        8. Meep*

          Oh trust me. I think anyone who can put a lid on the toilet to flush that doesn’t is disgusting. But I still think people should have the choice of having pee flung at them. It is actually assault in some jurisdictions.

        10. Autumnheart*

          Pee isn’t objectively gross?

          Are we seriously trying to argue that it’s okay to bring pee into the workplace because it’s “not gross”? No. Pee is gross and doesn’t belong in the workplace. Even in medical settings there are rules for handling pee in a safe manner. It’s a biohazard.

        11. Le Sigh*

          “but we don’t freak out when people sneeze or cough.” Yeah, we do actually, when people don’t cover their mouths/noses when doing that. Especially in a pandemic.

          Also, if someone tossed me a used tissue, I absolutely would freak-out and call it gross. I’ve dealt with my own pee and snot and whatever plenty, but messing around with other people’s bodily fluids is gross to me. You don’t thrust your bodily fluids onto others, no matter how healthy or normal they are.

          1. emmelemm*

            Heck, I’m not even that happy dealing with my own bodily fluids! My bodily fluids are gross, y’all!

        12. This Old House*

          Can we just agree that pee is *subjectively* gross? Clearly some people don’t think it is, but many many people do. I have changed too many diapers and peed on too many tests to be particularly grossed out by pee, but I still don’t want to touch anyone else’s peed on pregnancy test and completely understand why some people would find that incredibly gross.

          I’d be more annoyed by the pressure to react for the camera, though.

        13. Carol the happy elf*

          There’s aerosolized feces all over everything in a bathroom as well. Ex-husband used to not wash his hand when all he did was urinate, standing.
          When I realized this, I freaked out and used bleach and a quat to disinfect the whole apartment. He thought that was ridiculous overkill, until I asked him if he had touched the flush handle?
          ?
          Luckily Husband 2.0 is a lab rat who washes his hands both before and after using the bathroom, as do many of us who took Microbiology. Women, especially, need to be aware that handwashing before and after is the best and safest.

          And if someone threw a dipstick at me, I would see if they liked the natural body fluid known as vomit.

          1. Salymander*

            Oh my goodness yes. I took Microbiology at University. We had a really easygoing professor, and she let us hang around if we were interested in learning extra stuff in off hours. We would take cultures from lots of random things just for fun when we weren’t busy. Purses, shoes, our hands, our water bottles, different places around campus, whatever. The bathrooms were bad, but the dining hall was waaaay worse. Our purses and backpacks were super disgusting. And don’t even get me started on how germy our hands, faces and such were. And that made us all realize that things are gross. So very, very gross.

        14. MK*

          Actually even pre-pandemic people would definitely freak out, and find it very gross if someone sneezed or coughed in their face. Or if they threw an item into which they had sneezed or coughed at them. This isn’t the equivalent of sneezing in your presence, it’s as if they threw their used handkerchief at you.

          Also, gross is not a synonym with toxic or dangerous, it’s something unclean that is likely to disgust people. It’s not objective in any case.

          1. shedubba*

            I feel like I’ve seen this exact sentiment expressed in Mommy groups pre-pandemic, about how spending all your time around a sick toddler desensitizes you to being coughed or sneezed on, implying that most people actually do have a problem with others coughing or sneezing on them.

          2. SimonTheGreyWarden*

            @shedubba – it has never desensitized me….if anything it has made me more squicky about it because I don’t want to catch what my little Warden has!!

        16. Thalia*

          Urine smells bad, and is a waste product. It is “objectively” gross. Every human culture treats it as such. That’s why we wash our hands after producing it, and don’t throw it at people.

          1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

            There are several species of monkeys that actually use waste products (ie pee and poop) as weapons during territory wars. I would like to think that humans are more sophisticated than those monkeys.

        17. Paper Librarian*

          Who says we don’t freak out when people sneeze or cough? Where have you been? For the past 2 years in particular?

        18. Xantar*

          Even if pee is not “objectively gross,” that’s not the point. It’s common sense that the vast majority of people don’t want to touch it.

          There was an experiment done at one point where some nurses watched as some bed pans were thoroughly cleaned and sterilized according to lab protocols. When it was done, those bed pans were objectively cleaner than a cup at Starbucks. The nurses were then asked if they would drink out of them, and they still wouldn’t. They knew full well that it was perfectly safe, but they couldn’t bring themselves to do it.

          Some things are going to be considered gross by association or by convention. As long as that’s not hurting anyone, I don’t really see any point in trying to convince people otherwise.

        19. Librarian of SHIELD*

          Look. I come from a big family and I used to work at a daycare. I’ve been peed on more times than I care to remember.

          Pee is gross. I don’t care if it’s moderately less gross than other things. I’m allowed to be grossed out by it and to expect that my workplace will not allow my coworkers to throw their old pee at me.

        20. Health Insurance Nerd*

          You are definitely an outlier then, because I feel really confident that not many people would enjoy having a pee-stick tossed at them. It is absolutely objectively gross.

        22. Rara Avis*

          Even before covid I have had a minor private freakout when a student sneezed or coughed on their paper (or their hands) and then gave me the paper. OSHA says that all bodily fluids should be presumed to be potentially infectious.

        24. dePizan*

          Actually a lot of people do freak out about aerolized waste in the bathroom, especially after they discovered that COVID can be found in feces and urine; and scientists since at least mid-2020 have recommended shutting the toilet lid and frequently disinfecting public bathrooms to better avoid spreading it…..

        26. Gumby*

          we don’t freak out when people sneeze or cough

          Really???????

          If they sneeze or cough on me? Yes, I am very unhappy and would indeed say “ew, gross.” If they sneeze or cough into a tissue that they then hand to me? Also not okay.

          All of which was true 3 years ago and is doubly so now. Seriously, coughing in public today will get you glares and a tripling of the personal space around you. At least it will where I live.

        27. RagingADHD*

          Well, if you’re going to try to parse words, at least parse them correctly.

          Gross is a subjective statement of feeling, so if we’re being pedantic, *nothing* is objectively gross.

          Urine is as gross to as many people as any other body waste.

      5. Sherry Bobbins*

        Sure, pee and peeing are not gross in the context of your own bodily functions and medical tests. Neither is pooping and a lot of other things we do. We still don’t throw our bodily excretions or things that were specifically designed to come in contact with them at people, outside of some very specific and clearly non-work environments.

      6. Nobby Nobbs*

        Common misconception. Even if pee were completely sterile in the bladder, it would pick up germs from the urethra and vulva on its way out. How do you think UTIs happen? Also, it’s gross to throw your bathroom fluids at people whether they’re technically safe to handle or not, just on a psychological level.

      9. Cheap Ass Rolex*

        Don’t be ridiculous. Touching urine is unhygienic, touching other people’s is gross, and I’m highly skeptical that this is a genuine take rather than some contrarian tolling-lite.

      10. TiredMama*

        Please don’t throw a pen at me either. In fact, don’t throw anything at me and expect me to be cheerful about it.

      11. AnonInCanada*

        I would certainly beg to differ on urine being sterile. You know what else are normal bodily functions? Defecation, vomiting, ejaculation, menstruation, and expectoration. And I wouldn’t want any of those thrown in my general direction, either!

      12. Underrated Pear*

        I can’t stand the “it’s not gross because it’s a normal bodily function” argument. *The fact that* people pee, poop, menstruate, and ejaculate is not gross, and is not something that should cause embarrassment. However, human urine, fecal matter, menstrual discharge, and semen are disease-carrying biological waste and are therefore gross. These are two different concepts!!

        1. Health Insurance Nerd*

          Right? Just because something is “natural” doesn’t mean it can’t also be gross, the two aren’t mutually exclusive!

        2. Rosie*

          Right! Bodies do gross things! It’s not bad in anyway but it’s also not something you subject other people to unless you have their enthusiastic consent

          1. littlehope (formerly Blue, there were two of us)*

            Gross is not the same as dangerous. I think most people would find non-consensually touching someone else’s pee at least a bit gross, even if the actual health risk is minimal.
            And I mean, context matters. I’ve been peed on by babies, not that gross. I’ve been peed on by pets, not that gross. The same thing *would* be pretty gross if an adult human did it, even though it’s all pee! I’ve accidentally sat in pee on the toilet seat – not that gross if I’m at home and I know it’s my wife having a careless moment, quite gross if it’s stranger pee in a public toilet. Being handed a used pregnancy test by, say, a partner, is actually *different* from having one chucked at you by your coworker. It’s almost as much about inappropriate forced intimacy as it is about hygiene, in a way.
            (And I know some people have much higher hygiene standards than me and would find *all* those things distressingly gross. Also not unreasonable! Never unreasonable to be grossed out by unexpected pee! Good lord).

      14. Ismonie*

        Upthread, someone who works in a hospital explained that since urine used for pregnancy tests is first morning urine and not a “clean catch” (where the person giving the sample wipes first with special wipes) it is “full of bacteria.”

  108. Hippo-nony-potomus*

    I would document the hell out of this, including the low-level bullying of Abby. I would document my conversations with corporate HR, the local HR, and if this continued, I would call a meeting between corporate HR and the local HR to hash it out. In the meeting invite and in the meeting, inform them that you have received “conflicting guidance” as to the “appropriate resolution” of the problem where one co-worker threw a “urine-covered item” at another coworker and “filmed her reaction.”

    I would encourage Abby to document the bullying. Bad HR takes care of whomever is complaining the most, not who is wrong.

  109. 30 Years in the Biz*

    I think it might be relevant to point out to upper management that throwing around a used pregnancy test in a workplace is exposing workers to a potential biohazard. CMV and COVID are two pathogens that can be transmitted by urine (urine should be sterile usually, but isn’t always!). The response from Abby and others was justified. And the bullying needs to be nipped in the bud. I’m sure the company doesn’t want to risk an issue with OSHA by creating an unsafe workplace. Categorizing the stick throwing as okay goes against both common sense and workplace safety regulations. It’s possible there are legal implications here, but I’m not an attorney, so I defer to the experts.

    1. Quality Girl*

      Not potential. Urine IS considered a biohazardous material and is handled as such in a medical environment. I would get fired and possibly charged with assault if I took some urine from a patient and doused my coworker with it.

  110. beanie*

    Gosh, I’m so sorry for the position you’re in, OP. Here’s my recommendation: Document everything in writing with your stance on things and email it to the managers. There is SO much wrong with this situation, and I feel like putting it in writing in one summary might help them recognize how wrong it is. And if it doesn’t, then at least it’s a direct form of communication that clearly outlines your stance.

    Provide HR-sounding rationale for why Jessie was in the wrong, and why the bullying against Abby has to stop.

    I might also talk to Abby on the side expressing your support and explaining what steps you are taking to make the bullying stop.

    I really hope you don’t lose Abby.

  111. avocadotacos*

    Alison has said before that you need to tell your boss before everyone else. Depending on how far along she was that pregnancy test could potentially be quite old, or a special one she took just for the office, which is it’s own level of weird.

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Hmmm, I don’t think I’ve said that! I’ve said it about resigning but I don’t advise that about pregnancy. (Feel free to correct me if this is some weird thing I said in the past.)

      1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

        I think you may have said “tell your boss before they find out on the grapevine” or similar, but I don’t remember your saying the boss must be first to know.

      2. avocadotacos*

        I did some pretty heavy searching through your archives on everything you’ve written on pregnancy when I was pregnant, and that did stick with me because it was relevant to my situation, so I can go try to find it. What General von Klinkerhoffen said below rings true to what I remember.

        1. Ask a Manager* Post author

          Oh, yeah — you don’t want them to hear it through the grapevine, but you don’t need to make them the first person you tell either (if you have close friends at work, for instance, you don’t need to hold off on telling them if you trust them not to let it get back to your boss).

  112. CheerfullyCool*

    BIG OOF. Can’t a bunch of grown adults really thought this was the best way to handle a pregnancy announcement?! I don’t even like touching my own pregnancy tests, let alone another person’s!! This was so wrong and the only person who should get an apology is Abby.

  113. EricT*

    There is so much wrong here. First of all, I get what Jessie was trying to do, but any adult with half a brain should be aware that there maybe others in the office dealing with fertility issues, or had a miscarriage etc, things that being told a coworker is pregnant cant cause harm, let alone being told like this while being filmed. Secondly, again any half brained adult knows Abby was grossed out by a pregnancy test that has urine on it, and not the baby. Allowing Jessie to continue to make those remarks and bully is far worse than any reaction Abby gave. Lastly OP, I feel did a great job handling this, especially from someone that is a manager in a way that manager people. OP and Abby have nothing to apologize for, and if anyone is owed an apology it is Abby. If HR continunes push back again Abby and OP you need to take a serious look at where you work because this is a disfunctional situation at best.

  114. AndersonDarling*

    Bottom line, this was not a pregnancy announcement. It was a prank. It was a prank meant to get clicks at the expense of co-workers.
    Jessie could have announced her pregnancy in 100 different ways, but she chose the most disturbing method possible. There is no way Jessie could have thought that people would pick up a pee stick and start dancing. This is exactly the expected outcome, but it wasn’t as fun as Jessie thought it would be.

    1. HugsAreNotTolerated*

      Right?? Am I the only one who thinks Jessie is GROSSLY overestimating her co-worker’s interest in the contents of her uterus? Like, babies in the workplace are a pretty normal thing. Unless (and we don’t have this context from OP) Jessie’s been dealing with infertility and infant loss for a number of years and the whole office has rallied around her and her partner to support them, and this is a ‘miracle’ baby…I don’t really see why Jessie’s co-workers would really care that much about her being pregnant. Like it’s okay to expect a “oh my gosh, congratulations!” when told (in a rational, normal way) of a co-worker’s pregnancy, but Jessie is clearly expecting some major reactions if she wants to document them on video.

      1. Shira Von Doom*

        I worked with a woman once who I privately referred to as Womb Brain to the one coworker I was friendly with, because if it wasn’t about work, she had NO OTHER TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. EVER.

        Not ONCE, in the entire year I worked at that office (I got fired…for not being enough of a kissass, and also being silently unwilling to work off the clock, LOL) did she have any other topic of conversation. Hobbies? Bands she liked? Shows she watched? Where she liked to shop? No idea. I knew a lot about her fertility treatments and eventual pregnancy symptoms though. A LOT.

        so yeah, some people REALLY DO have literally nothing else on their little minds, and think everyone else is also somehow that obsessed with their reproductive status at any given time.

      3. bubba*

        If Jessie had been infertile, then it would be especially gross for her to do it that way because she would KNOW how hard that is for people and would hopefully not want to rub it in someone’s face.

      4. FridayFriyay*

        Exactly. When I was pregnant with my son after many years of infertility treatment and miscarriages that I’d been open about at work my coworkers were SO happy for me. A lot of late 20s and 30s women in my workplace so pregnancies were pretty commonplace and people made rather a big deal about my pregnancy in comparison which although very nice also made me uncomfortable because I was terrified the entire time that something would go wrong. Even so, no one did anything remotely showy enough to have been interesting to film for a viral video. I got tons of heartfelt and sweet notes and check-ins from people who were invested in the pregnancy but no screaming and jumping up and down and sobbing… and it would have been weird if they had!

    2. Dane L Overin*

      This was my take. She wanted to film reacts to a shock-prank and deliberately chose the Known Germaphobe as her first target. It just ended up not being the fun video Jessie wanted so she’s shifted to (a different type of) bullying.

  115. Butterfly Counter*

    Honestly, anyone doing a TikTok “prank” needs to be ready for a bad reaction.

    Anyone doing a TikTok “prank” in the office not only needs to be ready for a bad reaction, but also really should be ready to not have a job in the future. To give Jessie a little defense, it does sound as though corporate was encouraging social media videos like these, so I don’t think that she should be fired. But to get all high-and-mighty when a REACTION is exactly what she wanted, though not in the direction she expected, is ridiculous.

    There needs to be a rule from the top down that explicitly states that antics like this are prohibited as they are unprofessional and obviously have the potential to torpedo morale.

  116. Quality Girl*

    Urine is a biohazardous material, as the OP surely knows as a former lab tech. Is this not assault? How is the urine-thrower NOT the one in trouble here??

  117. Cartographical*

    Oh, hell, no.

    You did the right thing but, if I were in your shoes, I’d think it’s time to circle back to corporate HR on this and get their advice on how you should be “a better manager”. Be explicit that you and Abby and any others objecting to peestick shenanigans are effectively being punished or threatened with punishment over this (yes, being labeled a bad manager for a rational defusing of a situation is punishment, imo) and that Abby is being harassed for her objection to touching someone’s peestick. (If I were Abby, I’d be making extensive notes for further discussion with a lawyer.)

    I would be inclined to ask for a blanket policy that all videos, however cutesy, require the agreement of all participants before they’re made. Many “surprise” videos are not surprises at all. Also, in terms of this kind of thing being a marketing tool, “let’s show terrible judgment and inability to gauge reactions” is likely (going out on a limb here) not the selling point they want, so it’s hardly a knock on the concept to ask that people involved buy in to the video before it’s made. If the office workers can’t act, maybe (gasp, radical idea) promotional material should be made professionally.

    This place sounds like an absolute nightmare and I’d be wanting to know if acting in amateur stunt videos — without warning, at any given minute — was part of the official job description for anyone employed there. If so, that should be laid out in the terms of employment so that people can avoid working there at all costs. What’s next? Exploding soda cans? Flying pies? Horde of cats released in the office? Where’s the official line on ridiculous (productivity-destroying) stunts?

    If corporate is indifferent, I’d be looking for a new job. You’re not a bad manager, you can’t manage irrationality. You can only try to advocate for a safe, healthy workplace in which everyone understands the expectations the employer has of them, is given the means to meet those expectations, and is treated with respect.

  118. HugsAreNotTolerated*

    Definitely have a 1:1 with Abby and let her know in no uncertain terms was she in the wrong in how she reacted to a co-worker flinging a pee stick at her. DO let her know that she does NOT need to apologize to Jessie as she is being pressured to do. Tell Jessie that you are aware of the harassment that she’s been getting over this. Directly lay out that you are to be informed of each incident of harassment going forward. If she is receptive maybe the two of you can workshop some responses that she can use in the moment as it is happening to help Abby feel less like she is being pressured to apologize for a perfectly normal reaction.

    Have you seen or heard the bullying that’s happening in person? If so, you are within your purview as an exec to have 1:1 s with anyone you’ve heard/seen doing the bullying. Layout the zero tolerance policy against bullying in the office and that it needs to stop and what the consequences for further actions are. Make it explicitly clear to Jessie and Daniela that this not about Jessie’s fetus, but the acceptability of bodily fluids being passed around in the office and the resulting harassment of Abby.

    Document the shit out of all of these conversations and send it to Corporate HR with satellite HR, and everybody involved’s manager. Feel free to include sentences like “I can’t believe I have to say this to professional adults, but your urine doesn’t belong in the office.” or “As I ‘m not a kindergarten teacher I never thought I’d have to say this at work, but urine belongs in the toilet, and should not be thrown at our co-workers.” Really highlight the absolute absurdity of this situation. But don’t be afraid to take action, because clearly nobody else in your workplace is rational enough to be handling this situation in a way that makes any kind of sense.

    Also, maybe it’s time to look at the overall office policy involving videos for social media? Has everyone in your office signed consent forms to be featured in these videos that are posted on behalf/promotion of the company?
    How would you handle someone who prefers not to be on video?

  119. CJ*

    My gods, I would lob that stick back at Jessie so dang fast.

    Frankly, I see penguins – as in, this might be an iceberg. I wouldn’t say they should be submitted yet, but Abby and OP might want to think about a) writing letters of recommendation for each other, and b) writing letters of resignation.

  120. bluephone*

    Good god. Jessie is lucky that Abby was “only” a germaphobe and not necessarily experiencing any sort of heartache or difficulty about fertility, pregnancy, etc. Or even just had a pregnancy scare in the past. Jessie needs to have her head examined.

  121. Sparkles McFadden*

    My first thought was to go get a pregnancy test so I could pee on it, and toss it at anyone demanding I apologize to Jessie for telling her not to throw a used pregnancy test at coworkers. I’d also want to add “It might still be a little damp as I just peed on it…but yay! I’m not pregnant!” Or maybe “I’m on my way to my doctor’s appointment. Would you mind holding my urine sample cup while I tie my shoe?” I’m kind of sad that I know I’d never actually do that, but it’s fun to think about.

    Here are my more business-like thoughts:
    – You did a great job of stepping up in the moment to address the matter and explain things to the two unbalanced people who think it’s fine to toss a urine covered stick at people and take a video of the reaction.

    – You also did a great job of escalating to corporate HR when you got the ridiculous response from your local management.

    – All you can currently do is to address any stupid remarks in the moment, as in “No one said that your baby was gross, Jessie, but passing around a used urine test is unhygienic.”

    – In addition to being unhygienic, surprising your coworkers with your pregnancy test is extremely insensitive as you never know who may be struggling with fertility issues.

    – You did everything right so don’t ever send an apology. I cannot even imagine how one could even go about writing such an apology: “I’m sorry I criticized your urine.”

    – Finally, the idea of taking action against someone because they didn’t react “correctly” in some narcissist’s surprise recorded announcement would be insane even if no bodily fluids were involved. Please continue to support Abby.

  122. Felicity*

    Echoing others on here to say go back to corporate HR but what I would do is write an email to the person(s) who are insisting on an apology copying corporate HR and Jessie’s managers and say something along the lines of:

    I understand tensions are still high over this issue, and although we are all excited for this new chapter in Jessie’s life I believe she did not think through her actions and is not in a position where an apology should be offered. In any other situation if one employee were to toss an item that they urinated on at another employee the employee on the receiving end of that throw would at the very least deserve an apology and I would hope the employee tossing the urinated on item would at the very least receive a verbal warning.

    I know (corporate HR) sent a note our on the inciting incident but the continued pressure to apologize to an employee who was clearly in the wrong and the consistent bullying of the employee who had a very reasonable knee jerk reaction to the incident needs to stop, if for no other reason it’s inciting an unpleasant if not hostile work environment.

  123. Not the one*

    Setting aside that it was a biohazard that was thrown. Setting aside that Abby is a germaphobe. What if I simply do not want to be on social media, ever? What if my response to being filmed against my will is to step into my Dowager empress attitude, and say very calmly, as I draw myself up to my full height, I’m sorry, are you filming me? This needs to stop. I do not give you permission to make or post any recording of me whatsoever. Please delete whatever you have just recorded of me. I have work to do. Please pick up whatever it is you threw at me from off the floor on your way out, and please do not ever throw anything at me again. I wonder if the local HR department as opposed to corporate would also find that as apology worthy as simply saying oh gross.

    1. RagingADHD*

      Considering how LW characterized the work and the office’s use of social media in general, you probably would neither want nor be offered a job there anyway.

  124. staceyizme*

    Contact corporate HR again and tell them that their attempt at intervention fell short! Seriously! A general memo? No! For the record- it’s fine to bring a pregnancy test to work. It’s fine to film it, fine to talk about it etc. But for the love of common sense there should be no TOSSING! No tossing of anything at anybody for any reason because of this precise dichotomy of response. Keys, papers, handbags, snacks- they’re all in the same category as this thing. People will react differently. They might get hit by it. They might get offended by it. Some items are breakable. This comes under the heading of “don’t toss stuff because you can’t predict how it will come out and your presumed judgment of how it should play out might be faulty”. Try saying that. Or maybe corporate HR will say that.

    1. Alexis Rosay*

      Yeah, I guess it is fine to bring a pregnancy test to work, but…I also don’t see any really good reason to do so, unless someone just wants to keep it with them privately for their own personal moral support. If someone brought a pregnancy test to work for me to look at, even if they did not throw it at me, I would find that pretty weird. They can just tell me they’re pregnancy and I will believe them.

      1. Jennifer*

        Yeah, I don’t get when this trend started of having to show people the used, pee-stained pregnancy test. I totally believe you. I don’t need to see DNA evidence. This isn’t an FBI investigation.

  125. Alexis Rosay*

    Yeah, even aside from Jessie’s gross and inappropriate behavior, personal life announcements aren’t owed any specific level of excitement by coworkers–they are not your friends. When I announced I was getting married (calmly, during a staff meeting), one of my coworkers apparently became uncomfortable with me briefly being the center of attention and immediately started talking very loudly and changed the subject to herself and her dental issues (not kidding). But you know what, who cares? That said everything about her, and her issues with my announcement were not my problem.

  126. Carolyn*

    For me it’s not even about the urine (wastewater engineer here!). But definitely others don’t want to be touching that. I’ve even seen videos of husbands tossing their wife’s tests because it’s gross.

    There are lots of people to whom a pregnancy test might trigger some PTSD response. It was incredibly rude. Maybe a cupcake with pink/blue frosting in the middle. That would have been ok.

    1. Aarti*

      Hey listen thanks for doing your job. Everybody thanks cops and firefighters but honestly I think you are the real heroes. Otherwise we would be up to our ears in feces and pee and everything would be gross. We tend to romanticize olden days but if you look everything was covered in poop. Horse poop, dog poop, people poop. I am glad we think better of it now.

    2. chewingle*

      “There are lots of people to whom a pregnancy test might trigger some PTSD response.”

      YES. You don’t know what someone else is going through. Someone in the office may be struggling with fertility, maybe had a miscarriage, maybe needed an abortion, etc. When it comes to pregnancy in the office, you have to be VERY careful as a general rule. If I had announced my own pregnancy in this manner, I know I would have received immediate disciplinary action. And it definitely would have hurt some peoples’ feelings, since we had at least one person (that I KNOW of) who had been struggling with IVF for 3 years and her reaction to other people’s pregnancies (and especially pregnancy losses) could definitely be described as PTSD-esque.

      1. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

        Also those of us with the other issue – a phobia OF pregnancy. A positive test being lobbed at me WOULD seriously freak me out.

        1. littlehope (formerly Blue, there were two of us)*

          Honestly, there are so *many* things wrong with what Jessie did! Throwing peed-on things at people kind of jumps out, but…throwing anything at someone without warning? Bad. Filming people for social media without consent? ACTUALLY VERY BAD. Making big stunt performances with forced audience participation about pregnancy, something that can be really triggering or sensitive for all kinds of reasons? Honestly inexcusable. Not to mention all the bullying and emotional manipulation since. The piss is actually almost the least of it.

  127. ChemistryChick*

    Adding to the number of people saying to go back to corporate HR. They seem to understand how WTF this is and should be updated on the deterioration of things.

    OP, your coworkers (with the exception of Abby) suck.

  128. Jennifer*

    Can we just stop with all the reaction video filming for youtube and instagram in general? Sorry but no one cares that much that you are engaged or pregnant. And stop saving your pee sticks to show people. I don’t want to see it.

    Let Jessie know in no uncertain terms that her behavior was inappropriate and that any bullying of Abby or anyone else that didn’t have the intended reaction to her blessed news will not be tolerated. Also circle back with HR and let them know what’s going on.

  129. EBG*

    If I were Abby, I’d probably file a police complaint against Jessie for assault. OP, you are 100% correct: NO ONE should ever toss bodily fluids at another person in the workplace. It’s totally inappropriate. It’s wrong. It’s gross. Jessie needs to be disciplined and people need to stop pressuring Abby to write an apology letter.

  130. 3DogNight*

    There is no such thing as low-level or low key bullying. It’s bullying. That needs to be shut down, now, regardless of how it started.
    And if anyone threw ANYTHING at me unexpectedly, I would not react well. Add bodily fluids into it, and the reaction would be worse.
    This needs to end today.

  131. Workerbee*

    Oh, the temptation to agree with Jessie: “YES, YOUR BABY IS GROSS, HOW LOGICAL OF YOU TO SAY THAT,”
    Or to double-down with “HEY EVERYBODY, JESSIE WANTS US TO CELEBRATE HER COITUS!”

    Because I am not getting any better at making allowances for grown-ass adults in a work environment.

    1. Shira Von Doom*

      I kinda wish we’d been coworkers at the place where one lady talked NON-STOP about her fertility/subsequent pregnancy, LOL.

      I wish her the best, but MY GODS, being anywhere in earshot was maddening

  132. Anonymeece*

    I’ve seen so many people who treat urine-on-pregnancy-tests as somehow different from anything-else-you’ve-urinated-on, and … no. And I say this as a person who has been pregnant. The only person I handed it to was the dad (and if he had a problem with it, he would have to get used to pee real quick because, you know, baby, and I’m not the only one who was going to be changing diapers).

    No one’s saying her baby is gross and it’s gross mischaracterization to try to say that.

    In general, I think a pregnancy announcement like that is inappropriate for the office. Announcing a pregnancy? Not necessarily inappropriate. Bringing in a test and *tossing it* to someone who’s a known germaphobe? Not okay.

  133. I'm just here for the cats*

    Why did Jesse think the pee stick was ok? I really want someone to sit down with her and ask her to think about what happened and where her thought process was. Why couldn’t she have taken a picture of the pregnancy test and then handed that to the Abby. Or a baby booty or a thousand other things that doesn’t include her own urine. If i was Jessie’s manager i would seriously wonder about her judgement.

    I also want someone to sit down with the higher ups who are wanting Abby to apologize. There’s some seriously wrong things going on with these men. Ask them how they would have reacted if someone randomly flung a pee soaked stick at them? I bet they would have been seriously grossed out too!

    I really want the LW to contact corporate HR again and explain the whole situation. How Abby is getting bullied and its causing a toxic workplace. Maybe LW can befriend Abby and have her talk with corporate HR.

    LW if you havent talked to Abby yet let her know that you are on her side. Tell her that you’ve talked to Corporate HR and they are horrified by what happened. Encourage her to call on her own. And anytime you hear bullying you need to shut it down. Just because you aren’t their manager doesnt mean you can’t say something to them. If you saw someone making racist or sexualized comments to someone wouldn’t you say something?

    I think you can say to jessie that everyone is happy that she is pregnant and congraulate her. However, no one said her baby was gross. Her passing a pee soaked stick is what was gross.

  134. Skytext*

    OP, I think you need to go back to corporate. Not just HR, but also any executives that are above the managers at your satellite location. Do you report to a boss at corporate? That’s where I would start, or if you report to s boss at the satellite location, then go to whoever is his boss or grand boss at corporate. You have standing to do this because they have involved you by saying you handled the situation wrong and demanding you write an apology letter, when you are the one in the right and they are bullying you as well as Abby.

  135. IndustriousLabRat*

    Corporate HR absolutely needs to get involved again and put a foot down HARD, even if it means coming on-site to do so, with another senior executive in tow, or a ranking manager from Legal perhaps, to emphasize how absolutely unacceptable the bullying is, and put everyone on notice that it stops NOW or disciplinary action up to and including termination will occur. Bring the page from the employee handbook with the relevant policy. Have everyone sign an attendance sheet at this “training”. Normally I’d not be quite so harsh but this is super serious at this point.

  136. Emotional Support Care’n*

    Dear Jessie, et. Al,;

    I was asked to apologize for ruining the “pregnancy surprise” video you wanted to upload so others could stream/watch. I’m sorry I did not consent to being an extra in your life story, did not consent to having your piss-soaked pregnancy test thrown at me during a pandemic when I have no way of knowing what your health status is, and I’m sorry my candid reaction was not in keeping with your aesthetic.
    However, your continued bullying campaign has been noted and urine for a rude and wet awakening, along with the rest of the company, as this will be my final correspondence to any of you without my legal representation.
    Office: Consider this my resignation, effective immediately.
    May we never meet at the communal urinal of life again. Piss off,

    Abby
    cc: HR, supervisor, new attorney

    Ah… fantasy is so much better (and punnier) than real life.

    1. Gingerbread Gnome*

      I expect Abby can’t walk away from her job due to finances (bullies usually pick folks who don’t have access to many choices) but that sure would be great.

      But this is definitely working up to a decent legal case for Abby.

  137. Seminaranalyse*

    I think the Problem is that People are Not sane in this Firm. You don’t need to be germophob to be grossed out by a used pregnancy stick. If you used a Photo or a scan of your Baby this would have been different (and the expectation that People are loudly ecstactly screaming is also way too much. Some People are also Not ecstatic to be in Social Media.) The whole thing is Not tought through. And then the Reaction from HR teils me that something is Not right in the whole Firm

  138. Terrysg*

    To the OP, did your managers say what you should have done?? Your reaction seems completely correct to me, the other issues have been covered n the other comments…

  140. Silicon Valley Girl*

    I’m really struggling to see how “meet the staff” and “it’s Tiffany’s Birthday” lead to “toss around used pregnancy test” in an office situation. That is one weird workplace!

  142. MLH*

    Lord I wish people would realize that NOBODY is as excited about your pregnancy as you and your family are. Are they gonna start doing work gender reveals too? (please gob no)

  143. Gingerbread Gnome*

    The bigger problem here is that office HR and Jessie’s manager don’t see anything wrong with her actions and are harassing others in the office. OP, I think you need to go back to corporate HR right now and let them know what is happening. I would also stress “urinated on pregnancy test” to be sure they understand that bodily fluids had been on it.
    IMO this is grounds for firing Jessie, her buddy, manager and HR due to the ongoing harassment.

  145. PolecT*

    The office you work and doesn’t share your values, in a big way. And the management of this office has shown that they aren’t going to back you up. Having the support of corporate HR has not helped you. If you want to pursue this, I would contact corporate HR again and let them know about the bullying and misbehavior…but I would think that would mean the management in your regional office is going to resent you for doing that. And they probably already resent you for pulling corporate in.
    You can continue to go to bat for Abby, but it’s going to cost you. Obviously most sane people would agree with you that everything about this is wrong, but you don’t work for most sane people, you work for a bunch of numb nuts. It sounds like a very toxic environment. Long-term goal should be to get out of there if you can, It’s not really possible to fix such a huge culture gap.

  146. ManyHats*

    The whole cutesy factor of making personal announcements on company social media is off-putting to me, but being expected not to get upset when someone throws something that’s been peed on at you? Yeah, no. Jessie and Daniela are the ones who should be in hot water and that HR department is the worst.

  147. HotSauce*

    I’m sorry, but your office is ridiculous. What Jessie did was wildly inappropriate. In my opinion it’s on the same level as someone giving someone their used tissue to throw away. Just because a pregnancy is involved doesn’t mean we get to bypass all sense of decency. Frankly I would be recording every instance of bullying from her and addressing this with Jessie’s direct manager. I would also recommend that Abby, and any others who are receiving this treatment, to do the same. I’d also go to HR and management as a group and ask for them to intervene and stop the harassment.

  148. Jen*

    I wonder if local HR are taking Jessie’s side as they are afraid of being accused of pregnancy discrimination

    1. pancakes*

      The employer needs to clean house in HR, then, because they have a strange and terrible misunderstanding of what pregnancy discrimination is.

  151. Person from the Resume*

    1- the higher-ups encouraging some oversharing, and just a LOT of bad personal boundaries in the office.
    2- everyone’s mad at (LW for) telling them (perpetrators of throwing urine soaked thing) it’s never okay to hand someone something they urinated on
    3 – (local) HR told me they’re considering disciplinary actions for Abby and anybody else who “reacted poorly” unless they publicly apologize to Jessie.
    4- Nobody’s really doing anything about how badly Abby’s getting bullied, and several of us (me included) are still being encouraged (by local HR) to write Jessie an apology letter, which I won’t do.

    You’re local HR and management sucks and isn’t going to change. IDK about corporate HR. They should have addressed the actual problem instead of which passively put out a company-wide memo about keeping bodily fluids to yourself. This is an example of how vague general emails about don’t do X aren’t useful. Somehow your local management and HR hasn’t realized the email was in response to the actual incident that occurred in your office or they decided that they don’t care.

    My suggestion. Report back to corporate. Tell them that email about bodily fluid did NOTHING. You and others are still being told to write an apology, and Abby is still being bullied. Corporate HR and management can do something, but if they don’t they suck too. Support Abby as best you can.

    Please support Abby no matter what corporate does. Use Insert lever Name‘s script above anytime Jessie says “oh well I guess my baby is gross,” you say “no, your baby is amazing and we are thrilled for you. YOUR PEE IS GROSS. Two completely distinct things that can exist at the same time.”

    But given local management and HR sucks. And the fact the corporate may suck because they refuse to do any active management to fix the problems being caused by management and HR at your local site, you may need to quit. It sounds like there’s a mean persons clique that’s currently bullying Abby so you just may need to get out.

  152. redflagday701*

    I feel like this was very bad, and Jessie was definitively in the wrong, and her actions since only make her more wrong. And at the same time, I’m always surprised by how squeamish people are! I get it if you’re a germaphobe, and I certainly don’t think it’s OK to bring a used pregnancy test into the office, much less fling it at anybody, I want to make that clear. But after working in restaurants and having multiple kids, I just can’t get that grossed out about it.

      1. redflagday701*

        It’s not, but there were some diaper-changing experiences I would have happily exchanged for briefly touching a co-worker’s wiped-down pregnancy test. Had to wash my hands really well afterward either way.

        1. Aarti*

          I’ve changed diapers. Gross ones too. I love my niece and nephew and took care of them a lot. Would I change your baby’s diaper? Absolutely not unless it was a desparate situation. It doesn’t mean we are crazy germaphobes because we don’t want to touch someone else’s dirty pee stick.

          1. redflagday701*

            I didn’t say you were! I would pretty readily change somebody else’s baby’s diaper, though. Life is a rich tapestry!

        2. chewingle*

          At the risk of allowing this thread to derail the actual topic of discussion…there is a big difference between *choosing* to change a diaper and unwillingly having a pee stick thrown at you at your workplace by a coworker (imagine doing that at a restaurant…and all the people calling the health department as a result). It’s a good thing Abby was able to catch it and it didn’t jab her in the eye.

          1. redflagday701*

            I’m not defending Jessie’s choices, full stop. I am expressing some surprise over how grossed-out people seem to get, especially people who are just reading the story online. Years ago, somebody wrote a piece about letting their 2-year-old pee on the grass near a bush in a New York City park, because it was an emergency and the nearest restroom was too far away to make it in time. The outrage from commenters was incredible! Pee! At the edge of some grass! In a park! Where they weren’t! In New York City, where Lord knows toddler urine is pretty low on the list of unsavory substances you could encounter on any given day. I’ll leave it there, because I don’t want to derail further, and I will reiterate that JESSIE WAS WRONG and HER BEHAVIOR WAS GROSS. I just personally think it’s less gross than a lot of reactions would suggest.

            1. Tali*

              I mean I can think of a lot of things grosser to me than this story but I don’t see why my imagination is relevant

    3. anonymouse*

      I work at a restaurant and I used to do HIV and Hepatitis C testing at a nonprofit. I still think that throwing a used pregnancy test at a coworker is disgusting. Is Abby likely to develop an infectious disease from brief contact with a pregnancy test? Probably not, but the point is that urine belongs in the bathroom, full stop.

      I’m also not even sure how the restaurant example is relevant as someone who works in one. The “gross things” I’ve seen are mold near places that are frequently moist (not anything that makes direct contact with customers’ food) and the mats that go under dirty dishes which we wash at the end of the night. Bussing people’s food is not my favorite thing to do during COVID, but it’s part of my job and I wear gloves and wash my hands very carefully. The context of a pregnancy test being thrown at someone in the office is just different. Dealing with dirty dishes and cleaning the bar is part of my job and I do them every day at work. If I couldn’t deal with it, I would find a different job. Likewise, when I worked at the non-profit, I worked with clients who had abscesses and bad infections, but that’s what I signed up to do. If I worked in an office doing marketing and someone told me to check out their abscess, I would not be happy.

    4. HotSauce*

      Some people wouldn’t have a big problem with it, others do. People feel the way they feel and it’s not fair to diminish their feelings. Years ago I had a guy on my team hock a loogie into his waste paper basket when he was sick, it made the woman in the next cubicle vomit, which in turn made someone else vomit. It was like the pie scene from Stand By Me. I had to have a serious talk with my subordinate about what is appropriate in the office area and why he should take certain things to the rest room. I did not speak to the woman who vomited and tell her she was overreacting just because I thought spitting was no big deal, certainly not vomit worthy, because we all react differently to different situations.

    5. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      I once worked at a sewage treatment plant. I’d still react with horror at someone lobbing a positive pregnancy test at me.

    6. Just Another Zebra*

      I work at a plumbing company, in the warehouse. I deal with trucks and equipment and parts that have all sorts of human waste on them. If I have to touch something, I wear gloves. I also have a child, and changed her diaper more than frequently. I have cats, and clean their litter. I am not one who is squicked out easily.

      Having a coworker throw a stick that has been peed upon at me in hopes that I catch it with my bare hands is disgusting, and I would SERIOUSLY question that coworker’s judgement.

    7. Batgirl*

      I think the reaction is heightened by the rudeness and entitlement. The fact that Jesse considers her adult and deliberately curated pee to be the champagne of celebration is a little different to dealing with toddlers. If a kid is sniffling snot down their face it’s just life, and to be dealt with. If an adult not only does it, but expects you to be joyous about having it flung on you…. Yep, that’s legitimately disgusting.

    8. Myrin*

      I mean, yeah, but that’s just life, isn’t it?
      I have an incredibly high threshold for disgust and feel confident that having someone throw a used pregnancy test at me wouldn’t faze me from a sqeamishness-angle (although I would still question what is wrong with them because seriously, wtf is wrong with them?!); at the same time, just looking at a sopping wet paper towel seriously triggers my gag reflex and has on occassion made me actually vomit whereas my otherwise-very-squeamish mother and sister have no reaction whatsoever to them.
      We’re all different and often not in ways that can be explained.

    9. RagingADHD*

      The original incident was minor. Abbys reaction was completely understandable. If it ended there, and Jessie apologized, it would be an embarrassing prank gone wrong, and that’s all.

      Jessie doubling down, management’s bizarre demand for apologies going the wrong way, and the bullying, are what escalated everything.

  153. GreyjoyGardens*

    LW, your workplace is just like family! Toxic, narcissistic family! No boundaries, clear favorites and scapegoats, and tolerating behavior that is clearly, CLEARLY “wtf” and way out of line.

    It’s not weird or abnormal to announce “Hey everyone, I’m pregnant and due in September!” It IS weird to try and record it (and what, is Jessie going to put everyone on her TikTok? I’d sure be PO’d to find that I was unknowingly co-starring in someone else’s social media drama), and as for flinging around a test that had been peed on, well, there are no words. If it is out of line for someone who works at a landfill (there is a comment above) then it is out of line everywhere. I don’t have an office job so I can touch other people’s bodily fluids.

    There have got to be other ways that your office has a dysfunctional culture and no boundaries – this type of behavior doesn’t come out of nowhere. I would keep escalating to senior management and do what you can to have Abby’s back. Also, look for a new job, and (providing her work is up to snuff) be a reference for Abby, too, because it sounds like she is the new scapegoat in your toxic, narcissistic office “family.”

    A workplace is NOT family and should NOT be treated like a family. This is one of the many, many examples of why blurred boundaries between “coworkers” and “besties” or, worse, “siblings” is a bad, bad thing. It sounds like you are just like family at that office and OMG, that is bad! Run!

    1. horrified*

      Our office does NOT allow filming IN the office unless it is a pre-approved, pre-arranged filming of something like a message from management and even then it’s in a private conference room in order to protect the privacy of the office (not just people, but sensitive information that might be viewable in the background of any casual video recording).

      It always astounds me when I see anyone filming themselves at work – I think more workplaces need firmer policies of no photos/no filming by or of employees without having first received permission and following preset guidelines.

      1. GreyjoyGardens*

        I have a feeling a lot of corporate higher-ups in many companies are old enough to not really think “social media” first thing when they think filming/recording. I still can remember a time when anything filmed on a digital camera would just be shared with the person filming, their family and friends, or maybe on a blog. That’s it.

        Now anything you film goes on TikTok or Facebook or whatever so if you are in the recording you are going to be seen by every Joe and Jane who sees Jessie’s TikTok. There are definitely privacy concerns as well as confidentiality concerns, depending on the office.

        I agree there needs to be more guidelines around this thing. The era of “home movies” is out and TikTok is in, so there is more at stake.

        And I still think that workplace is a total fustercluck.

  154. Former Radio Guy*

    If I were Abby, I’d be tempted to quit and present this incident as evidence of an unsafe work environment thereby making her eligible for unemployment compensation and the prompting of a Department of Labor investigation. I’m not sure if she has an airtight case but I’d be sympathetic if I was her DOL caseworker.

  155. horrified*

    This really isn’t about the pee stick any more, it’s about Abby being singled out and bullied, and that is what needs to be addressed immediately and thoroughly by someone in charge. It’s easy to get lost focusing on the details of pee sticks and pregnancies but no matter what the impetus was for what’s happening now, what’s happening now needs to stop because bullying for any reason is unacceptable.

  156. Dutch*

    Corporate HR needs to take action against local HR, Jessie/Daniela, AND the rest of the management team who are allowing this situation to continue.

    Can you imagine how dysfunctional a mind a person would need to have, to be told an employee was throwing piss around the office, and to actually take their side!

    Please update us once you’ve updated them LW.

  157. Cthulhu's Librarian*

    Throwing a pregnancy test at me to announce that you are pregnant is frankly something I wouldn’t tolerate in an actual partner or spouse. Why would anyone think it was acceptable to do to a coworker?

  159. I Do Not Sing Along Thanks*

    OP, go to corporate HR immediately and insist that Jesse be disciplined for workplace bullying. If her manager won’t do their job someone has to. If Jesse won’t quit bullying after a warning she should be let go. Letting this type of bullying cancer stay on the team will build a toxic workplace that nobody will want to stay in. I’m surprised turnover isn’t already through the roof.

  160. librarianmom*

    It is never, never, never ok to bully someone for any reason. You should be shutting down any behavior like that pronto. Make it very clear to Jessie that her comments are out-of-line, that you expect her to treat Abby with professional respect, and that any more snide comments or other unprofessional behavior will be sanctioned immediately.

  161. Delta Delta*

    I haven’t read all the comments, so maybe this has been said.

    For starters, don’t throw stuff – anything – at coworkers (or anyone, really) without letting them know. This is a workplace, not gym class. Second, these “let’s share videos for clients” sound horrible. Perhaps it’s because I’m not in this industry, but I suspect clients don’t actually like this. Let’s pretend some do. A video of Tiffany blowing out birthday candles is sort of fun (I guess). A video of a pregnancy test is going to land wrong with some clients and could lose some. Third, I really hope Abby hires a lawyer to write a FU letter to the company. It’s really worth the $250 or whatever the lawyer would charge just to write the letter (frankly, if this were my jurisdiction and she called me, I might do it for free.).

    I guess for OP, let Abby know you’d be more than happy to be a good reference for her because I guarantee she’s looking for a new job.

  162. Nanani*

    I am honestly baffled how the HR people are seeing Abby as being in the wrong.
    There is no reality in which that’s the case??? just -how-.

    Are the HR guys among Abby’s bullies? Are they somehow seeing Jessie and Daniella as beyond reproach? What is going on i cant

      1. tg*

        !”£%$£”. Remember the letter about someone who was fired for bringing spicy leftovers in for lunch? The father probably is someone in HR/management.

      2. Airkewl Pwaroe*

        That’s my hypothesis also! Why else would Jesse act with such impunity and then actually get away with this insanity?!?

  163. Robin Ellacott*

    Tossing your test at people is a truly bizarre way to announce a pregnancy and surely she expected some reaction to do it that way for the camera. I would have thought MOST people would recoil, even if they don’t objectively think pee is gross.

    And even if she HAD said babies were gross when taken by surprise, a company can’t regulate people’s feelings. What on earth are they thinking trying to enforce public apologies for not being happy enough for someone?

    I agree, OP should communicate this to corporate HR, who seem to have some sense of normalcy.

  165. Essess*

    I would be immediately contacting HR again about the demand and pressure to write apology letters to the person that deliberately exposed them to body fluids. AND I would make sure HR knew about the bullying going on. That behavior falls under retaliation for reporting a health violation to HR.

  166. Tink's Mom*

    The bullying and insistence on an apology also needs to go to corporate HR for them to deal with. I’m not a germaphobe but wouldn’t want to hold ANYONE’s positive pregnancy test. Gross.

  167. Everyone's a Critic*

    I wish society as a whole would realize that, while having a baby is likely one of the most, if not the most, important things happening in your life that…no one else really cares or is obligated to care.

  168. HRAwry*

    I laughed at this only because it’s so ridiculous. Just…. bring in a stick that you didn’t pee on and draw the little line on it and tell people what you are doing.

    Jezuz.

  169. Save Bandit*

    This is a pointless comment, but I am compelled to say: what in the actual h-e-double-hockey-sticks???? This is so wild, even the writers of The Office would have been like, “Nah, that’s too crazy, let’s tone it down.”

  170. Valentina*

    Listen, when she returns to the office after having the baby, she’s going to film people drinking her breastmilk without realizing it. Just prepare for that now. Start bringing your own secret coffee creamer now.

    1. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

      That’s…oh gods that is a horrific thought. And then she complains when people react badly to it ‘because they’re saying my milk is gross!’

    3. Chief Petty Officer Tabby*

      She is PRECISELY the kind of jerk who would do this. Jesse annoys me so much, and I’ve never had the misfortune of meeting her!

  171. Teapot Wrangler*

    What is wrong with these people?! I’m not a germophobe at all but still touching something other people have pissed on is unacceptable. I don’t know what you should do here – maybe just let corporate HR know about the bullying again? Poor Abby

  172. Richard Hershberger*

    It is tangential to the issue, but I am trying to understand “corporate encourages us to do a lot of “meet the staff” and “it’s Tiffany’s Birthday” type sharing posts to attract clients.” I can sort of see these posts as being samples of your work product, but are there potential clients out there looking for the marketing outfit that can really nail the “it’s Tiffany’s Birthday” posts?

    1. It's Growing!*

      I must admit that when I first read the part about Tiffany’s birthday party, I thought that perhaps this business provided “personal services.”

  173. Jennifer*

    The police, y’all? Seriously? This is a bad situation, sure, but I really don’t think the authorities need to be involved. That’s a huge overreaction.

    1. Claire*

      I think getting all geared up (especially police) risks snowballing this. Being bland and boring would help – “Jessie that’s not appropriate.” “We’ve moved on from this.” Do not feed the drama llamas!

    2. Sashasoo*

      What would the police even do here? As gross as it is, I genuinely do not believe that tossing a pregnancy test to someone to announce your pregnancy is illegal. Especially if the cap is on and it’s been wiped down. Don’t get me wrong, this is absolutely disgusting and I would probably have responded in a similar manner as Abby, but she didn’t throw a full cup of urine at her, the police don’t have anything to do with this.

  175. Tertia*

    It seems to me that it’d be useful for OP and her like-minded colleagues to meet Jessie’s bullying with a response that both deflects away from Abby and takes away Jessie’s control of the discourse. For example, “Jessie, no one said your baby was gross. It was inappropriate for you to give your urine sample to a coworker.” Or, “Babies are not gross. But Corporate agrees that you should not have thrown your bodily waste at a colleague.”

  176. I've Escaped Cubicle Land*

    OP please give us an update at some point. I’m just going to go prep the popcorn so I’m ready when it comes in.

  178. LizM*

    I’m baffled by HR’s reaction. If you want to film people’s reactions, you can’t get mad when people react to a surprise in a different way than you expected.

    Not saying this is Abby’s issue, but as a woman who has dealt with infertility in the past, I would not react well to a surprise funny announcement. Depending on where I was in cycle, and how many hormones I’d injected into my body over the last few days, there is a good chance I’d either burst into tears or gotten incredibly, visibly angry.

    This office has some real issues around boundaries.

  179. Bob-White of the Glen*

    Can’t tell you how thrilled I am that this attention-seeking diva is going to be a mother.

    2. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      My only concern is for the baby – will it get to be it’s own person or mommy’s dress up fashion accessory?

  180. Our Lady of Tralfamadore*

    Maybe it’s my nerdy-kid-in-middle-school instincts resurfacing BUT if someone threw a pee stick at me while I was minding my own business at work, the next thing getting thrown would be these hands

    Jessie needs to stop pushing her luck

  181. chewingle*

    I would pull Jessie aside, explain why Abby reacted the way she did (i.e., no one thinks your baby is gross you absolute walnut), and explain that she needs to be more professional, apologize to Abby, and move on.

    I guess if that doesn’t settle it, let Abby pee on something and throw it at Jessie to even the score. (This is mostly a joke, but hey….)

  183. Wolf*

    OP, please take these comments to heart – you’ve gotten some good advice here. I don’t have anything super productive to add, but I have to comment, mostly out of nosiness, on one thing:

    “We just spent two years disinfecting our mail.”

    What does this mean. Why did you have to disinfect your mail specifically. Why did it take two years. What is the story. I am so curious

    1. Vancouver*

      My suspicion is that it was a pandemic-related precaution. Early in the pandemic, before we had a better understanding of how this particular virus spreads, a local retailer did a brisk trade in devices designed or purporting to sanitize mail. If OP was using anything like the devices they were selling, it was probably just a matter of running the mail through a small UV light chamber and so it was easy to continue doing for an extended period even as guidance around COVID safety changed.

    2. Dr. Rebecca*

      …because of the pandemic? The advice was to disinfect anything that came into contact with other people, including the mail/groceries/supplies.

      1. NOK*

        I think Wolf was confused about the structure of the sentence. It kind of made it seem like this had been like…a two-year undertaking of painstakingly disinfecting a giant pile of mail. Which is kind of a hilarious visual.

        1. Wolf*

          Yes, I think I was confused by the calling out of the mail specifically. I probably would have written, “We have just spent two years under COVID cleaning protocols,” which, in my head, applies to the whole office. For some reason my brain was convinced that something specific had happened that caused them to disinfect JUST their mail, independent of COVID. I couldn’t think of what that could be, but when you work with people like this * shrug emoji *

      2. Cat Lover*

        I think the wording was weird! But yeah the whole disinfecting mail thing ended quickly when we learned more about COVID, the “2 year” part struck me as odd.

    3. NOK*

      LOL that stuck out to me too. I think OP meant that the office had spent the last two years disinfecting all new mail that came in, similar to when people were disinfecting their groceries, Amazon packages etc before bringing them into their homes.

      But I’m still like…you guys were really disinfecting your mail for that long? Early-COVID nostalgia, right in the feels.

      Anyway. Besides the point.

    4. Office Lobster DJ*

      I read it in a tongue-in-cheek way: “For the love of pee-sticks, Jessie, we’re in a pandemic and have spent the last two years doing weird and extreme things to NOT encounter bodily secretions. Why did you think this would go well?”

      A reference to the early days of the pandemic, but not necessarily literal.

    5. Danish*

      I read it as a sort of hyperbolic “jfc why are we dealing with a biohazard being handed to others when we’ve been in a pandemic for three years and every day benign objects must be sanitized every 2 seconds”

      Or a different hypothetical, ‘I spent the last two years installing a state of the art security system to keep out burglars and found out yesterday that my roommate/children/spouse just leave the front door wide open when they leave’

  184. LizM*

    Also, babies are gross. Like, they’re lovely, but they’re also gross. I say this as a mother. I hate that boundaries go out the window when we’re dealing with children.

  186. Cheap Ass Rolls>King's Hawaiian Rolls*

    Jessie sounds extremely immature. She is implying that Abby thinks her baby is gross because of this? No, Abby thinks pee stick is gross. Sounds like Jessie was hoping she would be showered with admiration and congratulations when this happened, and because she didn’t get the reaction she wanted she is acting out. Also, this some basic shit.

    If OP doesn’t manage anyone in this situation, I’m not sure they can do much more, other than refuse to write the apology letter and encourage Abby to go to corporate HR if the bullying continues. I can’t believe the office HR is tolerating this behavior from Jessie and the gang. That is a huge fail.

  187. Former HR Staffer*

    aside from the obviously disgusting act of throwing a used test at someone, i absolutely abhor the idea of AMBUSHING someone and getting them on camera!

    i personally do not like being on camera, and i’ve had to have words with someone in the office who seems to feel the need to document every minutiae of her life, including office bday celebrations and pot lucks (pre-pandemic).

    i said i don’t care if you whip out your camera, just please leave me out of it… she laughed in my face and said she was gonna take it as a “challenge” every tome i tried to “hide” from her camera. true to her word, i caught her trying to take my picture when i wasn’t looking, and i found it very offputting, intrusive and i just generally wanted to punch her in the face. i already have anxiety at work, and i shouldn’t have to fear being ambushed with a camera.

    1. NitroCat*

      Ugh, that coworker is officially awful, and I hope you have some recourse to shut down her ridiculous, intrusive “challenge”. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with that.

  188. AnotherSarah*

    Yeah this is NOT OKAY. I’m not grossed out by someone else’s pregnancy test urine (maybe I should be?) but 1) throwing anything at an unsuspecting coworker is not okay, ESPECIALLY not something like this! and 2) filming a coworker is also NOT OKAY. It was good and generous of the OP to congratulate Jessie but ultimately, everyone owes Abby an apology.

  189. Flossie Bobbsey*

    As to actionable advice to OP … one thing OP may be able to do is loop in Corporate HR again about the bullying specifically. A vague companywide memo about bodily fluids didn’t address the actual issues going on, and there’s no reason Corporate HR can’t specifically talk to Jessie, the person involved. Corporate HR should also provide training to Local HR as to their mishandling of it.

  190. El l*

    Management is behaving the way they are because they are more scared of Jessie than of Abby, OP, or even anyone in HR. They think if they mollify Jessie, the situation will go away.

    But she is not for mollifying, nor is that right. So make them more scared of corporate than Jessie.

    Email corporate HR and a boss at corporate with “This isn’t going away, people are still getting retaliated against, please intervene at both management and staff level.”

  191. Sabine the Very Mean*

    You know, as a sit-peer, I deal with having to confront other people’s pee so often (pee on the seat, pee on the rim, pee on the floor, etc) that it surprises me when any other sit-peer isn’t completely attuned to keeping pee away from them and others.

    I’m surprised Abby didn’t say, “What the F*ck is wrong with you!?” and throw it back at her. Flinging it while saying, “gross!” is a level of self-control I would not have.

  192. commonsensesometimesmakessense*

    OP, please go back to corporate HR and give them a detailed account of everything that is happening, including names and job positions of people engaged in bullying and of managers trying to push people to apologize or criticizing people for not being happy at the idea of a pee stick being thrown at them. They need to intervene with your local HR and management team. Please update us too.

  193. Mim*

    Maybe it’s just me, but over the course of my life I’ve had enough people try to do the annoying “heads up!” as they toss me some random thing that it literally triggers me — if I am not fully prepared to catch something (and that includes knowing WTF it is I’m supposed to be catching) I will 100% duck/dodge it while letting out an involuntary yelp, most likely while trying to swat it out of the air if I’m unable to fully get out of the way of whatever the heck is being thrown at me. (Insert quote from Clueless about not participating in sports where balls fly at my face…)

    She is lucky Abby didn’t also swat it out of the air. I totally would have, before I even knew it had been peed on.

    While she shouldn’t actually do this, I would support Abby quoting Michael Scott when it’s time to be forced to look at the ultrasound photos. Make it awkward for them, Abby. While it is not biologically accurate, a good “Oh my god! Look at that! That is the inside of your vagina!” would be amazing.

  194. MuseumChick*

    Others have already given great advice but I cannot stop myself from adding the voices. This is just so insane. I would 1) Pull Abby aside and let her know that you support her and encourage her to report the bullying she is experiencing (including the pressure to apologies) 2) I would report it yourself (I would not be able to resist dropping the phrase, “It’s beginning to feel like a hostile work place for Abby” or something similar) 3) When you have the power to do so cut Jessie’s snide remarks off, in a bland tone “No one thinks that your baby is gross Jessie. Pee is another matter however.” 3) Document everything: times, places, what was said, etc.

    Finally, this could be a “Your workplace sucks and it isn’t going to change.” for both you and Abby. You may want to start looking at what else is out there in case nothing is resolved. Now, do not do what I am about to say. I now have a image of you quitting your job in a blaze of glory by 1) Printing out the AAM letter and some of the comments and leaving it on Jessie’s desk 2) Putting this story on every review website possible.

    Please update us no matter what happens.

  195. Sean*

    I’m a small person, but when I saw the tweet with this post’s headline I almost cackled because I knew it was going to be batshit crazy, and whooo doggy did it deliver. I can always count on Alison’s headlines to write a check that the post cashes.

    (Yes, this is insane, people should not be throwing pee sticks around, these people are terrible to Abby and she deserves multiple apologies. But just at a visceral level, this post was like lighting that first cigarette of the day. Just fantastic.)

    1. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

      As soon as I saw “and now there’s chaos”, I was “okay I’m saving this one for lunch”. (No, I did not lose my appetite. It takes more than that.)

      1. Heffalump*

        Last post I remember with a “now there is chaos” headline was the one from May 2017 where “Monica” tickled “Rachel’s” feet.

  198. Anonymous Poster*

    The comments about Abby need to stop. It’s office gossip and is disrupting your workflows. This is a business issue, not an Abby-is-a-stick-in-the-mud issue. By impeding her ability to get her work done, the business suffers. This is a simple business argument!

    Reiterate that no one said that Jessie’s baby is gross or anything. No one did. And Abby is allowed to want to be more sanitary than everyone else, because it’s not impeding normal business (I’m assuming she’s not, like, Monk level here). However, throwing items at coworkers, including used pregnancy tests, is not appropriate. Filming it is not appropriate. Becoming a moody gossip-monger and destroying your business’s productivity is not appropriate.

    I’d recommend framing this all in terms of business operations. This is severely impacting them, and will drive people away. People are gossiping and spending time talking about all this, when they need to stop and work side-by-side with Abby. If it continues, people need to be disciplined. It has to stop.

  199. IrishEm*

    Not going to lie, if someone threw a used pregnancy test at me and tried filming my reaction their device that they are using to record my reaction would learn to fly, very suddenly, out the window, whether it be a phone or a gopro or whatever.

    Corporate HR NEEDS to take charge, and Abby and Jessie’s bosses need to be taken aside and ensure that : a) Abby is supported and not punished for a natural reaction to what feels like a targeted attack on her germaphobic tendencies and also b) Jessie is disciplined and explained that it is INAPPROPRIATE to throw used medical waste at anyone for ANY REASON and targeting Abby for bullying is UNACCEPTABLE.

    Good on OP for having Abby’s back, she needs more people like you in her corner right now.

  200. Alice*

    How did they expect this to go? Did they really expect their coworker would be thrilled to have a USED PEE STICK lobbed at them?? People are weird, gross, and super rude. Hoping corporate HR can step in because this is such a huge mess, I can’t even.

    1. Clefairy*

      I feel like Jessie has severe “Main Character Syndrome” where she is only thinking about the fact that to her, the used pee stick means that her life is changed and in a really positive way. She’s clearly not thinking at ALL about how to another person, her having a kid doesn’t effect their life at all, so they’re going to see a used pee stick as….a used pee stick.

  201. the cat's ass*

    Oh HECK no! This is so weirdly performative. Your office, your co-workers and your management is awful. Take abby with you on your way out the door.

  202. Ontario Library Employee*

    If I had announced any of my pregnancies to my husband by tossing him a positive pregnancy test, I would fully expect his reaction to be “eww, gross, you peed on that!”. Even if I had left it on his nightstand or desk or something, he probably would have reacted first to how gross it was before even registering it was positive. And that’s my own husband, who was trying to have a baby with me! His interaction with the tests was me saying “I think it’s positive!” and him looking at it to confirm. I will admit I took one a day to watch them get darker, and kept them until my first ultrasound – but they stayed in the bathroom, and were tossed once I had that ultrasound photo. And for the pregnancy that didn’t make it to an ultrasound, where there was no line progression, I still didn’t keep them. Because I peed on them!

    1. FridayFriyay*

      I was absolutely nuts with the pregnancy tests every time I was pregnant, first because of being infertile and it taking years to finally get a positive, and then because I lost my first 4 pregnancies so the saga of testing and positives and watching them get darker and so on became a really obsessive ritual for me. During some of my pregnancies I had literally dozens of tests all lined up on the bathroom counter…. For days. Weeks, even. With my one successful pregnancy I put a nice clear positive test into my work bag (in a baggie) so I could peek at it during the day to remind myself that it was real and today I was really pregnant. I texted photos of barely there lines to friends of mine who had already had babies after infertility to get their opinion on line progression. I posted pregnancy test pictures on various infertility support groups (the ones where such pictures are allowed.) I kept a positive digital pregnancy test on my kitchen counter until we brought my living son home from the hospital.

      I say All that to illustrate that I am basically a crazy person when it comes to pregnancy tests and not squeamish about my own tests but never in all the many years of obsession and infertility hell did I ever THROW A PREGNANCY TEST at another person, never mind in my place of work. I fully expect that others would find my pregnancy tests gross. If I think that is beyond the pale it must truly be beyond the pale.

  203. MisterForkbeard*

    Two things. I don’t think we need disciplinary action yet, because a lot of this is just due to mixed messaging and bad handling by local HR. But there are two things that need to happen.

    1) Abby absolutely needs support and a public announcement of that support. Anyone going after her needs to be tamped down and told otherwise, right away.

    2) Jessie doesn’t need to be disciplined in a formal way, but needs to be told “It is not appropriate to throw used medical tests at people, and it is furthermore not acceptable to be angry at someone for having a reaction when you’re trying to film reactions to a spontaneous situation. You did not consider that people might be grossed out by getting a peed-on thing thrown at you, and you need to apologize to Abby and that’ll be the end of it.”

    If harassment of Abby continues or Jessie keeps this up, there needs to be further HR action.

  204. PayRaven*

    What kills me is the pattern of penalizing “bad reactions” over……actions. Someone made a conscious choice here and it wasn’t Abby!
    My play would probably deadpan surely-I-misheard-that “You expect Abby to apologize for being the target of something that legally qualifies as assault?”

    1. Batgirl*

      If the company don’t want bad reactions en masse then they need to ban Jessie from the social media feed.

  205. Claire*

    Personally, I would refuse to write the note unless it was a matter of keeping my job (in which case I would apologize because rent, but you may be in a different scenario) and I’d stand up for Abbie. This is so far from reasonable that “WTF” is an appropriate reaction – you don’t really have a “good” option, because the people being unreasonable aren’t you.

  206. KP*

    Tossing a used pregnancy test at someone is invasive and gross, especially in the workplace.

    I have to say the reactions from some of the commentators is surprising me. Has a baby never peed on you? Have you never cleaned up after a dog? Emptied a litter box? I bet you just washed your hands afterward and went along with your day.

    It’s gross to toss someone a pregnancy test if they haven’t asked to see it. They are definitely in the wrong. But you’re not likely going to catch a disease from it. That’s why you have skin…just wash your hands.

    1. Lady_Lessa*

      KP,

      It is different when it is your baby or your pet. I have some friends that tend to be germ phobes, and I respect their needs to super clean everything. Besides, Abby might not have known what was thrown at her.

      1. KP*

        Right. And I’m not arguing that point. Abby has a right to be upset and a right to her cleanliness. It’s gross.

        I’m talking about the comments here that are reacting like this act was inherently really dangerous. It’s gross! It’s invasive! It shouldn’t have happened in the work place. You can argue those points without acting like pee is going to kill you. Don’t throw your pee stick at people who don’t want a pee stick is a stand alone argument.

        1. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

          The OP did mention the fact from their lab-tech past about an old pregnancy test being the breeding ground for bacteria. And frankly, Jessie is not a newborn and we don’t know what all’s in her pee. Neither do we know Abbie’s medical conditions, and whether it can in fact be dangerous to her if she has cuts on her hands.

      2. Susie*

        Exactly. This is not your infant that peed on you during a diaper change. This is a grown woman tossing a peed-on pregnancy test at a coworker to announce her pregnancy. And the germaphobe coworker was the first one to get it tossed at her. This was most likely a deliberate attempt to get a huge reaction for social media.

        And having some OCD tendencies myself, saying things such as “just wash your hands” is not helpful for people with germaphobia. If you would be ok with a pee stick pregnancy test being tossed at you, that’s fine for you, but many people are not going to be ok with pee soaked object being thrown at them.

    2. I Wrote This in the Bathroom*

      Another person’s urine is literally hazardous material though? That people are expected to wear rubber gloves when they handle it*? Or am I remembering it wrong? I’ll admit it that everyone on this thread who has ever used a public women’s restroom, probably sat in someone else’s pee by accident at least once. But… that doesn’t make it right, or normal.

      * I recently brought in a urine sample to a hospital lab, in a closed container that was inside a ziploc bag. The lab worker that I tried to hand it to, said “wait a minute, I need to put a pair of gloves on before I take it from you.” And it was in a container and a closed bag, not, like… on a stick, hanging out there.

    3. Mim*

      Having someone toss you an object that contains bodily fluids is not just a hygiene issue, but also a consent issue. I knowingly and voluntarily clean up after my kid. I do not freaking consent to midair catches of some random adult’s pee-covered stick.

  207. Heffalump*

    Aside from the pee stick issue, was Jessie planning to get Abby’s permission to post the video? Maybe Abby is a private person and doesn’t want to be on someone else’s social media feed.

  208. Elbe*

    Oh yikes.

    I feel like a lot of people here are bending over backwards to shield Jessie and Daniella from a very important lesson: You don’t get to control other people’s response to what you do. Just because they would have a surprised, delighted response to that situation doesn’t mean that other people have to react in that way. She can feel disappointed that it didn’t go as planned, but it’s not okay to try to bully someone into have the exact reaction you feel entitled to.

    “Oh, well I guess my baby is GROSS according to SOME PEOPLE.”
    This makes me think that Jessie is intentionally escalating the situation. It’s very clear that Abby thought that being handed a used pregnancy test was gross, not the baby itself. The LW should take this back to corporate HR if things don’t die down soon.

    1. Susie*

      I agree, Jessie is intentionally escalating the situation. From this post alone, it’s pretty clear she thrives on drama.

      1. littlehope (formerly Blue, there were two of us)*

        Oh yeah. She didn’t get the drama she wanted with her pregnancy announcement, so she’s writing and casting a new one.

  209. Jessie's Girl is Going to Live Online*

    I think it matters that this a marketing company where employees are encouraged to share and celebrate their private lives. Jessie is 100% in the wrong here, but she also is responding to an environment that encourages creating viral videos – and that requires creating big reactions. She is also dealing with disappointment with the announcement being derailed, some shame and embarrassment, and her pregnancy news being overshadowed by this sh!tshow. She is understandably up in her feelings about all this.

    Management and local HR are another story. I agree that the best thing to do is, unfortunately, go back to corporate HR explain that this issue has become disruptive in your office and ask for 1) active intervention to stop the bullying and refocus the team and 2) direction to the onsite HR group on how to handle this.

    You might also consider making sure that there are clearer expectations regarding what is an acceptable “viral moment” in the office given that some of this is encouraged. What might guidelines look like?

    1. RagingADHD*

      Honestly, a grown woman who purports to be a marketing professional and doesn’t realize that most of the viral reaction type videos are staged, absolutely should feel embarrassed.

      Because not only is she an obnoxious coworker, she is bad at her job.

    2. SnappinTerrapin*

      A warped corporate culture may have vacuumed from Jessie’s head the common sense she should’ve been born with, but that mitigates (at best) rather than excusing her rudeness, and certainly doesn’t justify her doubling down on it.

      She and her enablers need to face some consequences for disrupting the office and for mistreating Abby.

      And I agree that the corporate culture seems to have very skewed ideas about how to go about the business of marketing.

      Ideally, other members of management would follow LW’s example and start providing some adult leadership.

  210. Workplace Wendy*

    You better not even video me without my permission, much less throw a pee stick at me. WTF is WRONG with people???

  211. She of Many Hats*

    I would definitely review the corporate handbook about bullying and hostile workplaces on behalf of Abby and work with her to file a complaint about being uninformed that an object with someone’s bio-waste products was being given/tossed to her and the ensuing bullying about reacting negatively to it. Emphasize bio-waste since most companies have strict protocols about handling bio-hazard materials like blood, vomit, and, yes, urine or poop.

    I’d also write down your description of the whole event and the ensuing poor behaviors and forward it to HR and general counsel with the appropriate handbook sections highlighted.

  212. hbc*

    I think the primary thing to do is, as others have said, to go back to Corporate HR and tell them about the continued bullying and the apology pressure.

    If possible, I would also speak up in the moment when there’s bullying. “Most parents I know don’t pee on their kids before letting people hold them. Don’t worry, they’ll probably cover that in parenting classes.”

    And just to be difficult, I’d want to get in writing what it is that I’m supposed to apologize for. Send an email to the apology pushers along those lines. “Is it that I was wrong to stop her from throwing around biohazards because that’s allowed on video? Or just that a pregnancy announcement is exempt from any hygiene or safety rules we have?”

  213. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

    This isn’t hyperbole, this is something I’d actually say to HR in this case:

    ‘I’m always overjoyed when I find out I’m NOT pregnant as pregnancy is a major phobia of mine. Would you be taking my side if I flung a used sanitary towel around to announce it?’

    (Obviously do not actually DO this action).

    I’d react extremely badly to having a positive pregnancy test thrown at me – I really do have a genuine phobia of it.

    2. MuseumChick*

      I legit laughed out loud reading this. And while, yes, OP should not actually do this it does touch on a way that he could get HR to see sense here. If someone did have a phobia of pregnancy (tokophobia) their lackluster reaction *could* be in violation of ADA. Might be worth mentioning if/when he speaks to HR again.

      1. Keymaster of Gozer (she/her)*

        As long as they have a HR lot who don’t try the ‘pregnancy is natural and a miracle so why wouldn’t you celebrate having it!’ angle…

        (2016 was a bad year for me. Got harrassed daily by a coworker who was determined to make me change my mind about not having kids. Went to HR, got told ‘if you’re getting offended by a natural process then get therapy’)

        1. SnappinTerrapin*

          It’s a shame they didn’t see the distinction between being offended that there is a natural process for propagating a species and being offended that someone was intruding in your private life and harassing you over your not propagating.

          Doesn’t matter what reasons you have, nor does it matter whether they were disclosed. What matters is that it is an intensely personal matter, and no one else is entitled to express an opinion to you about your autonomy.

  215. Allison*

    So wait, did she take an “at home” pregnancy test at work, and then bring out the fresh pee stick before getting the result confirmed? That alone, even if she didn’t throw the stick at someone, is really stupid. I’m not saying you have to wait three months, but at least have a doctor confirm it before announcing it like this.

    Second, it’s one thing to film a pregnancy announcement with close family members or friends, maybe even coworkers you’re really close with and you know would be excited for you, but doing it at the meeting and expecting some big “OH MY GOD, YAY!” reaction like you’re on some TLC reality show is unrealistic and super unprofessional.

    The fact that she threw her pee stick at someone who wasn’t expecting it is just the disgusting pee-soaked cherry on this crazy sundae.

    1. Gnome*

      Exactly.

      In fact, I can think of maybe two people I have worked with form whom I’d be excited instead of thinking “ok, gotta plan around that.”

      Why would this even make sense to do at a workplace?

  217. Rachael*

    Everything is strange about this situation. It’s strange to do this type of “reveal” at work. What type of reactions were they expecting to film? I’ve been happy for co-workers but I’m not jumping up and down or anything. Why would they think that throwing a pee-ed on item at people would be okay? AND bullying someone because of their reaction to the whole thing…Childish. The other commenters are right. This workplace is all shades of messed up if they think that Abby needs to apologize.

  218. CoffeeBreak*

    I can’t understand why the pregnancy test was the way Jessie wanted to convey her announcement. When I started reading this I was like “oh she’s gonna make an announcement at a meeting and record reactions that way,” but no, passing around your pregnancy tests is weird, especially for coworkers. Family/close friends: fine, go for it, if my bestie handed me a pregnancy test I would be overjoyed for her, and only later think of the bodily fluids. But at work? Ew.

  219. The-Write-Stuff*

    Corporate HR should fire local HR.

    Jessie should be disciplined for the stunt. As should Daniela.

    Abby should be profusely apologized to.

    And anyone who continues to bully Abby should be explicitly warned, then dismissed at the point of a further infraction.

    Jessie needs to grow up. Her pregnancy is not news of the world.

  220. Sarra N. Dipity*

    I 100% would have thought that someone had tossed a rapid antigen test at me. I 100% would have freaked out as much as (or more than!) Abby did. Yikes.

  221. Eye roll*

    Time for an all-office meeting, where commands such as, “You may not pee on other employees,” “you may not throw pee at other employees,” “you may not transport your pee to work,” “you may not bully or harass other employees for declining to handle your pee,” etc., are all said out loud, while looking directly at Jesse, because this woman is nuts.

  222. Ambie*

    Ugh! This is bizarre! But the state of the world today! Self important people thinking their stuff should be important to all!! Even more bizarre the way management is handling it.

  223. Liz*

    Other folx have probably mentioned this, but – given that this stunt was partially explained by the org being a marketing firm – this is lousy marketing! Who’s the audience, who’s the talent, what’s the vibe you’re trying to convey? Poor idea development & planning on this one.

    As others have noted, your co-workers aren’t the ones who are super-psyched about your pregnancy, and that’s without even addressing the gross and confusing pee-stick approach! Grading this an F for marketing work and F for office etiquette and bullying.

  224. lex talionis*

    Wow. Almost 750 comments in 1.5 hours. Impressive.

    2 things –

    I usually miss working in an office but after reading these comments I’m glad I’m still working from home.
    Sometimes the comments say it best, specifically here regarding Jessie’s awful attitude. I would print out this whole thing and leave it on her desk. Maybe she need her eyes opened and reading these might do the trick.

  225. Matt*

    I really hope we get an update on this one. Most likely though, Abby will probably find a new job, I would be in her shoes. That’s just terrible, terrible. Jessie sounds like a complete narcissist to me. “How dare you complain about my PEE being thrown at you!!!” Just disgusting behavior. If I were Abby, I’d not only be raging at her for that, but I’d seriously be consulting a lawyer. I’m surprised Allison didn’t mention this because knowingly throwing bodily fluids is a legal form of harassment. It’s no different if someone intentionally spits on you, or bleeds on you.

  226. Cruella DaBoss*

    Wow…we have come a long way haven’t we? My mother often tells about having to hide her pregnancy with my older brother so she wouldn’t get fired, to now, openly throwing the evidence in people’s faces!

    1. RagingADHD*

      I remember my mom telling me about trying to hide her bump back in the day, because the (then legal) company policy was that you couldn’t come to work showing or wearing maternity clothes. You were automatically let go.

  227. CoveredinBees*

    Even if the colleague had thrown something sanitary (like a baby rattle or bootie) at them, filming a pregnancy announcement reactions video was incredibly unprofessional, especially when springing it on people. This is also the first I’ve heard of these videos and they sound totally self-absorbed.

  228. Stubborn Turtle*

    So this is what happens when you combine pregnancy hormones with a desperate need for social media clout. Jessie’s manager needs to nip this thing in the bud immediately since the bullying leaves the company open to litigation from Abby. If going to the local management does nothing to rectify the situation, I would go to corporate HR again with the bullying concerns. I also second the suggestions to call Jessie out when she makes these comments. I would do it in front of the other staff to make sure they all know where you are coming from.
    There is a reason we are not allowed to urinate in public. Because it is a public safety concern. Bringing items that you urinated on into the work place is no different.

    1. Ismonie*

      Can we leave the pregnancy hormones out of this, please. There is no clinical link between pregnancy and throwing urine at people. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

  229. Gnome*

    If you want to record reactions, you get what you get – and don’t get upset.

    I would be searching OSHA to see if this would be considered a health hazard for a workplace. Note that even if urine is sterile, and it isn’t guaranteed to be (UTIs are a thing), it passes through the outer female anatomy on the way to that stick, so it is highly unlikely to be sterile by the time it gets there.

    I would be beyond angry in normal times if I were Abby… And I’m more gross tolerant than most. In a PANDEMIC… WTF!? Keep all your body fluids to yourself.

    The fact that the pregnant lady is now being passive aggressive to Abby is Harris and should be treated like any other cowork who is being obnoxious… “The ability to get along and be civil to your colleagues is part of this job and I need to know you can do that going forward.”

    1. Applause applause life without pause*

      LOL yes. Jessie definitely seems mature enough to raise a functioning adult.

  231. Ladycrim*

    Can LW or someone call Jessie out in the moment when she makes those snide comments about how her baby must be gross? “No, Jessie, throwing things you’ve peed on at people is gross. Did you not learn that in preschool?”

  232. Celestine*

    OP, go back to corporate HR and report that not only are people still being encouraged to apologize to someone who threw a used pregnancy test at them, but one of your employees is still being bullied for her completely understandable response. Tell them no one in management at your satellite office seems to understand or care why this was inappropriate, even with the email from corporate, and something needs to be done because all of you are at the mercy of people who won’t even stop a clear case of bullying.

    In your own words, of course. Less confrontational than mine, hah.

  233. Rara Avis*

    OSHA standards say that all bodily fluids need to be treated as potentially infectious (urine can be contaminated with blood) and handled with appropriate PPE. My employer is absolutely insistent on this (even before Covid).

  234. Sara F*

    Is there anybody in this 800+ comments so far who thinks what Jessie did was ok? I don’t think so. In many cases I can soooort for see the other side of a debate, but I can’t come up with any way to justify what Jessie did in any context or culture. It’s simply gross. Unless HR is literally staffed with lunatics, I just don’t see how they could side with Jessie given the circumstances OP narrates.
    But is it possible that for whatever reason, Jessica and Daniela have better rapport with HR to begin with than Abby and OP, so that they were more inclined to believe them? Did HR maybe hear a completely different story from Jessica, something like “I showed Abby my pregnancy test and she flipped out and said me and my baby were disgusting on camera! ” Maybe the film only included (or was edited to only include) the part where Abby was flipping out so HR believed this version?

    1. Lucy Skywalker*

      I was just going to say that this is one of the few times that everyone is 100% agreement here! I can only think of two other times that happened on this blog:

      1. When someone thought it would be a good idea to TICKLE HER COWORKER. We were all in 100% agreement that she was in the wrong.
      2. The post from about a month ago when the office wanted to manage people’s diets. We also were in 100% that it was a bad idea.

      1. EvilQueenRegina*

        I think liver boss, graduation boss and the one who said the employee trying to get her pay resolved was too big for her britches might come under that category.

    2. Alpacas Are Not Dairy Animals*

      The least horrible-for-J+D scenario I can come up with here is that they actually used one of those fake tests someone posted upthread, it never occurred to them that someone would think they’d be awful enough to use a real one, and they still haven’t twigged that Abby genuinely thinks they made her touch Jessie’s pee and think she’s being dramatic about something else. Since this would be too much contrived misunderstanding even as the plot of an especially wacky sitcom, I sadly have to assume it’s not real.

    3. Dr Sarah*

      I think someone upthread nailed it when they concluded that Jessie left the ‘pee-covered pregnancy stick’ part of the story out when she told HR, and thus the version that HR got was “I told Abby about my pregnancy and she screamed at me that it was gross! I’m so upset she reacted this way to my happy announcement about my wonderful life event!” Or possibly something very toned-down like “I showed Abby my pregnancy test and…” if HR aren’t pregnancy-test savvy and didn’t realise that this would involve something that had been peed on, and also didn’t get to hear the part of the story that involved Jessie *throwing* the stick at Abby unexpectedly.

      All that’s conjecture, of course, but it’s about the only way this weirdness makes sense. HR would still be completely *wrong* in not wanting to hear Abby’s side first, but at least not with this sheer level of “What… WTF… how does anyone even reach this conclusion?!?”

  235. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

    OK, I have two options for you. You could pee on something and throw it at Jessie and Daniela. (Do not do this, it is a terrible idea and possibly a crime, I don’t know, I’m not a lawyer, but the best case scenario is… I’m not even sure what that could be, probably not that great).

    The other option is, unfortunately, I think you probably have to go back to corporate HR to make sure they know about the bullying. The bullies are being huge jerks and someone needs to tell them that this behaviour is not OK. Corporate HR needs to come in and a) address the bullying clearly with the specific employees, not just send out a general memo, and b) tell your local HR that they have their heads up their butts and need to get their acts together.

  236. anonymous73*

    Oh hellllll no. If I were Abby I would have done the same thing. Don’t throw your f’in pee stick at me. I wouldn’t apologize, I’d tell the others bullying me where to go and this would be a hill I would die on. Nothing about what happened is okay, and I’m really sick of people thinking that everyone in their vicinity needs to express the same amount of happiness for their big life events. Jessie and her posse can F all the way off, as well as all the male managers who think Abby or the OP owes ANYONE an apology.

    1. anonymous73*

      I would also encourage Abby to go to corporate HR about the bullying even if you’ve already done that on her behalf. Let her know you have her back. But she needs to report it.

  237. 2 Cents*

    I didn’t want to touch any of the multiple pregnancy tests I took and it was my OWN pee! Abby needs the apology and Jessie needs to get over herself. Even before a global pandemic, this would’ve been unwelcome and uncool.

    1. Potatoes gonna potate*

      LOL!!!!

      Same man same, I would test it, wipe it off, take a picutre and then throw it away.

  238. Morning reader*

    Question: does everyone know what a pregnancy test is or looks like? I’m too old to have ever used a home test. If someone showed me a used lab test stick, I would think it was covid test or a drug test. Also: was the expectation that everyone would pick it up, look at the result, and know that it meant that person is pregnant, and that this is happy news? It seems a great many leaps there. It’s reminding me of sitcom trope where a positive test is found and everyone speculates about who it refers to.
    An observation: babies are gross. Cute, but gross. Not all the time of course, but often enough. If you tossed an actual baby at me, odds are my expression would reveal something about the smell. (There’s a reason people love the smell of a baby’s head… might be the baby shampoo, might be the contrast with the other end…)
    One last question… since when has it been appropriate to announce a pregnancy to everyone within earshot, or zoom shot? I’m happy to learn of these things when a parental leave is announced. Otherwise, your reproduction is none of my business.

    1. Morning reader*

      Historical perspective: if it were 50 years ago, would she have brought a dead rabbit to work? (Old cliche: the rabbit died. Look it up. Predates Fatal Attraction rabbit expression.)

    2. LondonLights*

      This has got to be the thread on aam with the record for the most people agreeing with the OP! Abby deserves an apology!!!

    4. RagingADHD*

      Unless it were absolutely fresh, less than 5 minutes old, nobody could read it for a real result, even if they knew what to look for.

      The evaporation changes the lines, so you can’t tell whether it was originally positive or negative.

  239. Asenath*

    Apologies if I missed it, but quite aside from the throwing issue, and the used test strip issue, is it ever appropriate to film reaction videos at work, of people who didn’t agree to be filmed? I do quite understand that the fun of these videos is in the (apparently) unscripted reactions, but whatever goes on in one’s social group, this surely is inappropriate at work, even in a workplace where they do the meet the staff thing a lot. And someone should point out, loudly, that a pregnancy test is not the same thing as a baby, and anyone who can get pregnant should know the difference. Finally, if the local office is all totally inappropriate about this whole situation (except for LW) higher officials should be notified. No way should the person whose reaction didn’t meet the expectations of the guerrilla videographers be expected to apologize, and anyone who is bullying her should of course be disciplined too (in addition to the couple who planned this silly prank).

  240. Hugh*

    Just wait until the umbilical cord stump falls off and she brings that into the office to throw at people.

  241. Liu1845*

    OSHA would be appalled at someone tossing something at a co-worker, expecting them to catch it with their bare hands, with their urine (bio hazard) on it. I can’t believe how others, who weren’t tossed the “pee” stick are reacting!

    I was a shift safety supervisor for over 10 years and I would have written up the person tossing the pee stick in a heartbeat.

  242. Grapthar's Hammer*

    OP has the correct take on this.
    This should never have occurred, the person who reacted by being grossed out by having it thrown at them should in no way be sanctioned, penalized, or made to feel bad for that, and incredibly poor judgment of appropriate ‘at work’ behaviour was shown by the pregnant person, and the local HR team.

    Having said that, it seems like corporate recognizes that, but it depends how much of a current OP will be fighting to get things turned around and settled down – if all of HR and management locally is determined to have their own ‘non corporate’ take on this.. it’s a huge red flag for the long-term fit.

    (For the record, I’d have reacted the same way if you threw something at me that you’d peed on. Who does that.)

  243. Retail Hellmouth*

    I would’ve thrown the used, peed on, preggo test back at Jessie and told her to take out her own trash.
    That’s just disgusting.

  244. Not Okay*

    Just as a thought, the reason they chose Abby to start with is they kinda knew she’d have an outsized reaction and were okay with that for their own online posting clout or whatever.

    It’s not that they bullied Abby afterwards, it’s that they were okay with bullying her all along and if local hr really think the apology needs to go to the pee stick thrower, I don’t have a lot of confidence that Abby is going to, or should, stick around in this toxic stew. If Abby were comfortable being honest, I’d guess there are more stories.

    It’s one thing if this was a culture where Abby took a joke, then next time Abby got a laugh at Jessie’s expense, but I’m reading this as unidirectional.

  245. Regina Philange*

    The immature part of me wants to say write an apology note, pee on it, and then film it being tossed at Jessica so it can be shared company social media.

    1. calonkat*

      I mean, wipe it down first of course, just like Jessica did. At that point if she reacts poorly, you can start saying sarcastically “Well SOME people just don’t WANT a written apology…”

  246. Falling Diphthong*

    This is glorious (from a safe distance) just in that the reaction of the target is so, so, so predictable. It’s almost the only possible outcome. And yet I believe our two instigators truly believed people would react “Squeeeee! This is wonderful! Let me give the test a special hug! Then I’ll throw it at Dave!!”

    I love babies, am not a germaphobe, and if you throw a used pregnancy test at me I’m going to realize what it is, shriek, and drop it. Then perform the ick dance while heading to the nearest hand-washing location. Probably I will forget to say anything congratulatory.

    The layer where management has created a culture where people thought a video of your employees throwing peed on items at each other would be a fun thing to post for clients is a whole ‘nother level.

  247. Le Vauteur*

    Soooo, it’s known in the office that Abby is a germophobe… Which is very likely, if it’s bad enough to be known, part of a health condition, be that anxiety, OCD, or something else, even if Abby doesn’t realise this.

    Chucking anything at a coworker could be deemed assault, especially as there was intent there, but bodily fluids usually make an offence a higher level.

    Clearly (I’ll be generous) pregnancy brain is getting to Jessie and her pal (not that I believe that condition is contagious, but y’know, ‘generous’).

    It wouldn’t have been at all surprising in the current climate if Abby had assumed it was a rapid covid test result and reacted even worse.

    Abby, NTA
    Jessie, YTA

  248. Falling Diphthong*

    More amusing pregnancy test story, can no longer remember the source.

    Guy flies in from business trip shortly after wife leaves on same; he picks up the car at the airport from where she left it. The used test is on the dashboard. So he figures “This must be a parking thing” and hands it to the parking attendant, who fortunately put the whole thing together from context and explained the message being sent to him by this white stick, which was not “20% off if out by Thursday.”

  249. just saying*

    I’m going to need to see that “company-wide memo about keeping bodily fluids to yourself.”

  251. CanRelate*

    There are so many insane stories on this blog, but this just… so crazy. SO GROSS, so ridiculous. What the hell is wrong with people.

    I hope you just send your bosses a link to this? This is AITAH reddit levels of insanity.

  252. Expelliarmus*

    Yesterday I read a Buzzfeed article about a woman who showed her brother her positive pregnancy test and he thought it was a cigarette and tried to smoke it; this is surprisingly similar (albeit only semi-related)

  254. Colorado*

    This is ridiculous, Jessie is an immature twit, and reason # 8,634 of why I hate social media. Abby is looking for a new job yesterday. I guarantee that much.

  255. Don*

    I think as an effort to defuse the situation it would be best for Abby to take some coffees to the HR and management individuals who are upset with her and tell them that they’re all in mugs she peed in and then ran though the dishwasher. Go ahead guys, drink up.

    Such unbelievable bullshit. You should write a brief letter of support for Abby and send it to corporate HR, LW. Put something in the record since you can’t trust that those in-house jerks won’t do the same, but against her.

  256. Sick of Workplace Bullshit*

    OMG, that is disgusting! I cannot believe anyone would be on Jessie’s side here, especially management (but then again, reading this blog has taught me a lot!). Also, none of those (potential) people reacting had consented to being recorded. I’d hope that would be some sort of violation, as well.

  257. Undine*

    Would these male execs be ok if I brought in a used tampon in a jar? “My granddaughter’s started menstruating, she’s finally a woman!* That means someday, she may be able to throw a used pee stick around!”

    * For some definitions of woman.

  258. Mary Anne Spier*

    I would have had the same response as Abby. So gross. Don’t hand me your pregnancy test. I don’t especially love babies unless they’re my nephews and I don’t get that squealy excited feeling when people tell me they’re pregnant. I say congratulations and smile and that’s kind of it.

    So if someone threw a pregnancy test at me that they’d taken, I would probably be the one going to HR saying they gave me some germy plastic they’d peed on during a pandemic.

  259. Veryanon*

    WHAT. THE. EFF.

    Who does this???? Who brings in something they URINATED ON and decides to hand it around the office like a tray of snacks? I’m convinced that the pandemic has made people lose their minds.
    I’m outraged on Abby’s behalf and I hope she files a complaint with the health department.

    1. Colorado*

      People have lost their ever loving minds. I cannot believe the level of insanity that is going on. Just had to agree.

    2. Potatoes gonna potate*

      social media/influencer culture. filming, sharing everything for likes. Like…..I just don’t get it.

  260. Here we go again*

    There are few universal workplace norms, and I’m going to say that 99.999999% of people are repulsed by the thought of touching their coworkers urine.

  261. Pink Geek*

    I’m guessing you did not come here looking for the suggestion that YOU pee on a pregnancy test and hand it to Jessie. But here I am bringing the petty anyway.

    But seriously, Jessie needs to take her ego out of this and show some empathy.

    Not saying this is a just outcome but it might at least cool things down if they both got in a room and had a, “I’m sorry I threw plastic with pee on it at you.” – “I’m super excited for your pregnancy, I’m sorry my initial reaction made you think otherwise.” – moment.

    1. Lady_Lessa*

      Why would you force Abby to lie?

      There are very few, none now people that I would be super excited for a pregnancy.
      Even though I handle chemicals all day, I would still be grossed out by the test.

    2. Corporate Dropout*

      NO. Absolutely, positively NOT. I would NOT and SHOULD NOT EVER have to suck up and pretend fake excitement, not even “super” fake. This bimbo who started the whole thing is the one who needs to apologize at the very least, publicly, to the whole office, and really should be fired for such unprofessional conduct as well as putting people’s health at risk with throwing around biohazard material. There may be someone in that group who is immunocompromised and high risk for touching something like that.

      The bimbo is completely 150% in the wrong and at fault here.

      1. Elsajeni*

        Hey, Jessie is being a jerk but this is a wildly inappropriate and misogynistic way to talk about her.

  263. Michelle Smith*

    I have no idea what you should do. But you’re right to be baffled. Abby is being mistreated and germaphobe or not, that’s absolutely disgusting. She did not call anyone’s baby disgusting and Jessie needs to be reprimanded immediately.

    1. Karia*

      Precisely. She did not call the baby disgusting. She (understandably) found having an object that had been urinated on, *thrown at her* disgusting.

  264. Cacofonix*

    I’m no HR expert, but it seems to me that if all Corporate HR did was send a memo, then they are failing here as much as satellite office HR and managers. For all you know they did do more but it doesn’t look like it. Corporate HR needs to meet with satellite office HR and set them straight as well as set a path to resolution – in no uncertain terms. I don’t know what that path is, but stop the disciplinary talk and the pressure to apologize to Jessie would be an obvious start to me. Have a meeting with Jessie etc. to shut down bullying, and assure Abby that she did nothing wrong. In your shoes, I’d go back to corporate HR and ask them to intervene with satellite team to get on the same page. A memo just doesn’t cut it.

  265. BA*

    Definitely a follow up with corporate HR is needed. Abby is the subject of bullying for what most of us would see is a normal reaction. That needs to stop. No one, especially Abby, owes Jessie an apology. Jessie owes Abby an apology, and someone from the company needs to witness Jessie deleting (and then deleting from deleted items) the video, as Abby likely didn’t consent to being videoed, and even if she did (work-related videos in the office may be consented to through employment rules), Jessie doesn’t have any right to maintain possession of that video… especially because it has caused Abby so much grief.

    Corporate HR needs to mandate that the bullying stop, make a bold statement that no one owes Jessie an apology, issue a corporate apology at Abby, require an apology from Jessie, and probably figure out what to do in the future to curb any further dumbassery around filming of videos in the office.

    I can not wait for an update to this!

    OP, you’re 100% correct in all you did. Please tell Abby that she was also 100% correct in her reaction.

  266. Crod*

    Oh. My. Gosh. This is truly awful and so awkward. I think the perpetrators are likely incredibly embarrassed and looking for validation to feel better. Thus, Abby is targeted. Wrong and unfair to Abby. I have no advice. Just existing in solidarity here with how awful this whole thing is.

  267. LMB*

    I would get a new job some place where people don’t think it’s somehow appropriate to film reaction videos of coworkers responding to personal things like pregnancy in the first place, let alone by throwing them peed on pregnancy tests. Really this is so off the wall immature and unprofessional on so many levels I am horrified. Yeah they threw a used
    pregnancy test at a germaphobe—that bullying. What if they had thrown it to someone who had just had a miscarriage or was doing years of IVF and then filmed that person’s reaction? Do these people have any consideration for other people at all? Do they understand and office is not the hallway between classes in middle school? It doesn’t sound like the perpetrators will face any consequences at all and that says a LOT about this organization.

  268. BitterMelon*

    I would be overjoyed by a coworker sharing the news with me that they were pregnant…at the earliest of times no less, but let me tell you I do not need to see the evidence.

    Even if it was a sibling I’d be super weirded out by having a pregnancy test thrown at me.

  269. Blinded By the Gaslight*

    OP, I’m just here to say one thing: You are NOT crazy. You handled this like a reasonable adult, and your leadership is 100% failing you and contributing to Jessie and Daniela’s ongoing nonsense. Those two having a public meltdown and continuing to act out is NOT because you handled it wrong. It’s because they are out of control and no one is doing what needs to be done, which is to tell them “You’re totally out of line, don’t ever do this again, knock off this behavior, no one owes you an apology, get the hell back to work.”

    Do not apologize. Continue to enlist Outside HR for help in reasoning with your leadership. Jessie and Daniela will only get worse if they learn leadership won’t deal with them. And consider whether this is a one-off event or part of a larger pattern, and whether you want to keep working there if it’s the latter.

  270. NewYork*

    Sorry if already mentioned, but OP needs to tell corporate HR that this thing had been urinated on. No just handing the test over. OSHA violation.

  272. 3DogNight*

    I’m just wondering how Jessie expected this to go. She threw her pregnancy test at some random person and expected ???? what, exactly? I just don’t think this was thought out beyond, “Let’s film everyone’s reaction to my pregnancy test!”
    I mean, there are germaphobes out there. There are likely people who don’t know if she even wants kids, I’d be confused (after being ticked off for someone throwing something at me, then realizing what it was). The whole thing is weird.

    1. Pennyworth*

      I flinch if anything is thrown in my direction, because I know I’m unlikely to catch it, so I expect to be hit. I also take evasive action if I think anyone is filming me. So even if I wasn’t revolted by the flying pee-stick (I would be), any video including me would have been ‘flinch – look around to see source of pee-stick – notice that I am being videoed – duck – turn back on camera – retreat’. Probably not the joyous reaction Jessie was planning to put on social her social media.

  273. clearlyMillennial*

    that is so NASTY!!!!!! I don’t want my own bff to do that to me. If it was a coworker, I would have burned the place down (metaphorically)

  274. Evvie*

    I’d say refocus this to the higher ups.

    Pretend it wasn’t a stick covered in someone’s pee.

    Let’s say someone walked into the office with a camera, hurled an open marker (approximately the same size and shape as a pregnancy test with equal ability to get something on them) at someone’s face without warning, and filmed it for their own amusement. Then, when the person got reasonably upset at them for throwing an object at them (which could have hit them in the eye, by the way!) that may or may not be covered in cold, flu, or other germs and definitely had ink (representing…well, you know) that could have gotten on their body or clothes, they get mocked.

    This is how it needs to be framed to the male bosses. Not as a “female thing” they don’t know how to respond to but as an act that would be deemed unacceptable–if not a form of assault–in other cases. Abby was literally attacked by someone and the bosses are supporting it.

    Do I sound dramatic? Sure. It’s not like a marker (or a pee stick) can (probably) do that much damage. But it’s still WAY less dramatic than Jessie is being. And if I’ve learned anything, if Jessie is allowed to play the victim here, her behaviors will escalate. And, they will definitely lose Abby and maybe even this LW as employees by the sound of it.

  275. Karia*

    This is utterly ridiculous. Jessie isn’t owed an apology; she should be severely disciplined for throwing a urine contaminated device at a coworker. It isn’t cute or funny. It’s disgusting.

    Not to mention the bullying.

    The sad thing is that the most likely outcome of this is that Abby will resign, and everyone involved in bullying her, or calling for her to be punished, will walk away feeling like their behaviour was acceptable.

  276. Lexi*

    Throwing something with urine at a coworker is assault. Honestly, Abby should press charges. Would it be okay for Abby to throw a tampon applicator at Jessie and/or Daniela while filming their reaction to her announcing Abby was not pregnant?

  277. Pennyworth*

    So many things wrong here – throwing a pee stick around an office, not considering whether pregnancy news might be upsetting to some co-workers, filming people without permission (I guess Jessie didn’t say ‘gather round so I can film your spontaneous reaction to some exciting news’), misrepresenting Abby’s reaction, encouraging the ongoing bullying of Abby, HR fail, management fail.

    I hope Jessie is pulled back into line, has to apologize to Abby, and everything settles down. Update please!

    .

  278. Cosmerenaut*

    Make Jessie publicly apologize and get a reaction video of that.

    Then make her watch it every morning for the rest of her tenure there.

  279. raida7*

    You get back in contact with that HR person. You tell them you are witness to bullying in the workplace. You ask if you should make this complaint to the bully’s direct manager or if HR is sufficient.
    You ask if there is any way that HR can facilitate the two disappointed would-be video creators some training/mediation to walk them through “being excited about something and then disappointed at others’ reactions is not a good reason to hate those people, it is not rational, reasonable, professional, kind, thoughtful, or *acceptable* behaviour and will not be tolerated. Imaginary reactions not lining up with reality should not result in petty teenage mean-girl behaviour in an office.”

  280. The OTHER Other*

    The thing that struck me most about the story is that there was no manager or HR on site. While the OP is senior, none of these people report to her, yet she is being told to “be a better manager” when she isn’t one. How about their actual manager show up once in a while and do some actual managing? Clearly this group cannot be left unsupervised.

    When you leave the circus monkeys alone, you shouldn’t be surprised when they start flinging pooh. Or pee, in this case.

  281. Nora*

    Not only is throwing a used pregnancy test at an unsuspecting person gross, invasive, and wrong, it’s also remarkably un-creative for someone in a creative field. Stick a bun in an oven! Rust a tin roof! Bring everyone a stuffed bunny! There’s no need to throw medical waste at people.

  282. Potatoes gonna potate*

    ………………..

    As someone who’s taken dozens of pregnancy tests and was testing nearly daily in my first trimester — that’s GROSS TO HAND IT TO SOMEONE.

    Also, I’m getting so sick of this “influencer” culture and everyone recording everything. JFC that office sounds like a nightmare. Poor Abby & LW

  283. fhqwhgads*

    Script for next time you (or Abby) are asked to apologize to Jessie/Daniella:
    “Just to be clear – you want me to apologize for being upset that she threw urine at Abby/me?”

    And keep on keepin’ on with the corporate HR who were horrified because the mysterious master memo that no one thinks applies to them wasn’t helpful.

  284. tangerineRose*

    “HR told me they’re considering disciplinary actions for Abby and anybody else who “reacted poorly” unless they publicly apologize to Jessie.”

    Maybe Abby could apologize by saying “I’m sorry I was grossed out when you threw something that you peed on to me.” Or maybe better “I’m sorry you don’t understand that most people don’t want your pee on their hands.”

    I’m furious on Abby’s behalf. What Jessie did was so not OK, and I’d consider writing her up for it. Then she doubles down and blames Abby.

  287. TiaraWearingPrincess*

    Who exactly is encouraging these apologies because HR needs to be told about this.

    And I wish Abby would give it back to Jessie “no your baby isn’t gross; your urine is”

  289. Erik*

    WTAF O.p.! Preggo is a mean girl and she needs to dial it way down. I’m so sorry you’re in this spot. As a man, as a manager, as a human being, if this person was on my team, I would have reacted by telling them to refrain from throwing their medical testing apparatuses covered in bodily fluids, apologize to the offended parties and remember they were at work, or to pack up their toys and go back to the mean girls middle school playground where they belong.

  290. Be kind, rewind*

    As soon as I read, “and now there is chaos,” I knew this would be good. Alison usually doesn’t write vague titles, so when it is, it’s either NSFW or otherwise gross/wild.

    But, yeah, I agree with all the responses to go back to the Big HR to explain the retaliation/harassment and ask them to step in there.

    This includes telling Jessica she can’t make snide comments and telling the managers/your HR to stop insisting people like Abby apologize.

  291. Yikes*

    To OP:

    Dig in deeper with getting corporate HR to help you deal with not only the two women, but satellite management and HR because if they can’t handle this, how will they handle other things? Furthermore, look into larger bullying of Abby. It sounds like the two women, safe little HR and possibly management besides you have had something against her for a while. You don’t make this choice accidentally

    The only thing you could have done differently is get rid of the sympathy/benefit of the doubt for Jessie. She knew what she’s doing.

  292. Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii*

    Engage an employment lawyer now, both you and Abby.
    It will pay dividends later.

    The employer tries to take disciplinary actions on either of you or you say something they can use as ammunition against you are things you can prepare for by getting a professional involved now.

  293. Boof*

    Aside from trying to get those with power to actually make it clear Jessie and others need to 1) apologize to Abby and 2) stop the behavior or, I suppose, be put on a PIP or even fired if they won’t stop bullying Abby, OP if you or anyone else hear Jessie making that loud “well SOME people think my baby’s disgusting!” or whatever remark, please loudly reply “No, but people do find having urine flung at them disgusting and you should never have done that!”

    1. It's Growing!*

      Perhaps a better come back would be, “Jesse, you’re the only person who has called your fetus disgusting. It’s just not a nice thing to say about Jesse Jr.”

      1. Boof*

        That can be part of it too, but I think it’s important to call out just how out of line she was when she tries to pull this.

  294. Corporate Dropout*

    The poor girl who’s being harassed needs to fight back hard. This definitely needs to go to HR – AGAIN – and all the way to the top of corporate, as well as to court for assault with biohazard body fluids and a harassment lawsuit.

    We’re in the middle of a pandemic, people are being told to wear masks to prevent spread of disease, so why is some idiot throwing biohazard materials at someone?

    Bandaids, gauze, medication syringes, tissues, tampons/pads, and pregnancy test sticks??? It’s all bodily fluid waste and needs to be disposed of, not thrown at people.

    Did this nasty thing even wash her hands after she carried that stick around to show people? Probably not.

  295. Jasmine Tea*

    So many wonderful comments. I really hope that someone shows this column to Abby! She would be so encouraged by everyone’s support.

    1. Corporate Dropout*

      I hope so as well. I’ve tried to google, to find out who it is, but haven’t found anything. Please, if anyone knows who this really is, please share the story and suggestions with “Abby” and help the girl out. She’s being treated so badly through this ugly mess and this kind of behavior needs to be made an example of how NOT to run a professional business.

    1. pancakes*

      The EEOC definition of “hostile work environment” is not the same as conversational use of “hostile.” A hostile work environment is one where harassment is “based on race, color, religion, sex (including sexual orientation, gender identity, or pregnancy), national origin, older age (beginning at age 40), disability, or genetic information (including family medical history).”

  297. Grizabella the Glamour Cat*

    “Corporate HR (which is separate from our on-site HR) was horrified and put out a company-wide memo about keeping bodily fluids to yourself.”

    Of all the things that HR Dept. never thought they would need to issue a memo about, I’m sure this would be on the list! ROTFLMAO!

  298. Oma Goody*

    Jessie is way the hell out of line here. She owes Abby an immediate, complete and abject apology. And so does anyone else who’s been a party to the bullying and shaming that Abby has been subjected to.

    I also find myself low-key horrified reading about your company’s apparent social media program, but maybe I’m just an old fart. I can see a “meet the team” profile series ONLY if you’re focusing on their professional experience, achievements, etc. Not birthdays and pregnancy announcements.

  301. Bowserkitty*

    I am getting some wildly inaccurate targeted ads about pregnancy just from reading this now…

  303. COB*

    I’m sure someone said this (I couldn’t read all the comments!) but I’d raise to Corporate HR again. This is so inappropriate (both the bullying and who’s being asked to apologize) I can’t help but wonder if the whole office culture needs an overhaul.

  304. Emi*

    I love the “and now there is chaos” posts. But I confess I’m still hung up on the fact that you’ve been disinfecting your mail? for two years? We know this is airborne now, please give yourselves the gift of letting that one go.

  305. Jean*

    Jesse should be forced to apologize. It’s nice that you’re pregnant and all, but making it a big stunt at your WORKPLACE is just beyond stupid and self-centered. No one at work is obligated to participate in your little narcissism festival. Subject your friends and family to that shit if you must, but bringing it to work and then acting victimized when your coworkers failed to worship you properly is an appallingly major lapse in judgment.

  306. MonkeyPrincess*

    1/4 of pregnancies end in loss. Which should be talked more about, and nobody should feel they have to hide an early pregnancy because of a potential loss. But at the same time, trying to make a viral video about your pregnancy the week you pee on the stick is going to backfire with anyone who has a large network of middle aged or older women who have had or seen pregnancy losses happen again and again and knows the rates, and knows that you absolutely cannot count on a baby just because you got that positive line. Now is the time to be hopeful, not publicly exuberant.

    Also, throwing something you peed on at people is gross and all the rest of it.

  307. Turtles All The Way Down*

    This reminds me of another pregnancy announcement I saw that went viral – but for the wrong reason. An expectant mother put her positive pregnancy test underneath her partner’s french toast. Yes, something with urine in it. On a plate from which he was eating. He mentioned it was hard to cut through, and then got to the bottom, saw it, and was incredibly grossed out, as any normal human would be.

  308. Ashley Stinson*

    What? Someone threw a urine-soaked piece of medical equipment at a colleague and they want the colleague to apologize for not wanting to touch someone else’s URINE?

  309. Lemon It's Wednesday*

    I’ve had blood borne pathogen training several times over the years at various jobs. They train you in safety around all types of bodily fluid, including urine. It is actually a safety issue that she was flinging around a used test with bare hands. It’s not just a germaphobe thing, it is not safe or recommended to have a urine soaked test out around folks.

    Not sure if it’s possible for an office job, but maybe look up OSHA standards around bodily fluids in the workplace to reinforce that it’s not ok.

  310. WFH with Cat*

    I don’t usually recommend calling people out in front of others, but I think it would be wholly appropriate for someone in management/HR has a sit-down with Jessica, Daniela, and Abby to explain to the first two that their behavior is not acceptable and the bullying needs to stop immediately, and to express 100% support for Abby who did nothing wrong.

    Or … as we say in the South, someone needs to have a Come to Jesus Meeting.

  312. Former Admin Turned Project Manager*

    My immature young adult son, who is often inconsiderate when it comes to body fluids and has no concept of workplace norms, thinks Jessie is way out of line and deserves to be fired. He also thinks that Abby deserves an apology from Jessie as well as management.

    1. Lobsterman*

      I literally cannot comprehend that Jessie still has this job.
      I’ll go one farther, and say that I don’t quite understand why Jessie’s bully buddies have jobs.
      It seems like they have a lot of time on their hands and very little interest in working.

  313. HR pro 66219*

    Jessie’s poor judgement on a creative way to share a milestone event is understandable in today’s “look at/pay attention to Me” societal environment especially in her career path in the Marketing industry. NOT understandable or OK is for management to fail to address the hostile work environment caused and perpetrated by an office ‘prank’ gone wrong.

  315. Lalitah*

    I’d call OSHA on this and file a complaint to wake this management of this kind of bizarre groupthink.

  316. Database Developer Dude*

    Did anyone explicity say to Jessie and Daniela “Hey, it’s not acceptable to throw ANYTHING at someone unannounced, and ESPECIALLY something you peed on, no matter how well you think you cleaned it. Abby wasn’t calling your baby gross, she was calling you gross, and if you’re angry with her over this, then yes, you are gross”.

    That’s what Jessie needs to be told.

  317. The Witch of Sanity's Annex*

    WHAT. THE. ACUTAL. FORK.

    They threw a peed-on thing (!!!) to a coworker(!!!!) at WORK (!!!!!!!) and are now BULLYING her for getting grossed out??!! In the middle of a pandemic no less? And your higher ups are considering disciplining Abby? I’m so sorry, OP. This is FUBAR.
    First and foremost, IMO, Tiffany needs at very least a serious telling-off for knowingly attacking a coworker with a bodily fluid-contaminated item while on work property. If I were Abby and got ANY disciplinary over this, I’d be right up Corporate’s nose about it.
    Second, Abby’s reaction was 100% normal. Ask your male higher-ups what their reaction would be if someone threw used TP or a used hankie at them!

  318. Cheshire Cat*

    Ewww! That is really gross, and why anyone would think this okay, let alone “fun,” is beyond me. Take a picture and pass it around instead, please.

  319. Grumpy Old Sailor*

    Guy here. Let’s just say I’d react VERY badly to anything tossing anything that’s been pissed-on at me. Bad language would ensue, and if the person throwing it then tried to make me out the villain of the piece, there’d be a lot more bad language, both to the offender and anyone siding with them. I’d probably wind up fired for it, I imagine.

  320. Mink Bat*

    If all else fails, you could announce the adoption of your new kitten by throwing damp clumps of litter at the local HR dudes.

  321. Cake or Death?*

    Why has no one told Jessie to grow up already?

    If I were OP, if I overhead Jessie make that passive-aggressive comment about Abby, I’d look right at her and say just that. “Grow up. This is a workplace, not a middle school. Throwing a used pregnancy test that you urinated on to an unsuspecting coworker is disgusting and unprofessional. Stop harassing your coworker because they were disgusted by being forced to touch your urine.”

  322. animaniactoo*

    I am very very VERY late to the table with this – but if Abby is well known to be a bit of a germaphobe, and could basically be expected not to respond well to this… then the bullying started when they chose to Abby to throw the test at, and all the rest of this is just turning up the heat on it.

    At a minimum, there has to be a response back to Jessie and the rest of the team that is taking her side that when you do something for shock value, you take the risk that it does not land well and nobody owes you an apology for that, because the risk was inherent in the setup. If you don’t understand that you have no business doing anything that involves a factor of shock value. In fact, when it does not land well YOU owe the apology to the person who reacted poorly for misjudging the situation. You don’t get to blame Abby for a situation that you initiated/created. You did this, it is your responsibility to clean it up.

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