my senior colleague keeps acting like we’re all children

by Alison Green on August 12, 2025

A reader writes:

I’ve been at my workplace for five years; I like the work, I like my coworkers, and I like my direct manager.

The problem is the top of the pyramid. My organization’s leaders have never been the most effective. But recently, disparaging off-hand comments have reached a level where I’m having trouble ignoring how disparaging the upper management is. Specifically, one person in particular repeatedly refers to everyone at my level in the org as though we’re children.

Examples include references in passing to how we are all Gen Z — almost no one is, actually, but when people gently corrected her, she snapped about how it doesn’t really matter because we’re all so young anyway. (It is perhaps relevant that her kids are, in fact, Gen Z; they’re still in high school. I’m in my mid-30s.)

Relatedly, she also recently opined that we don’t know how to be professional about adhering to workplace policies because it’s most people’s first job out of college. This is also not true for almost anyone, and the person it is technically true of has been at the org for almost 10 years. The real problem, in my humble and childish opinion, is that we have no workplace policies, so everyone is trying to make it up as they go.

These condescending comments would be bad enough on their own. But it seems to inform other, more tangible issues like pay, promotion, and general trust in our choices at work. I’m in my 30s, I have a graduate degree, I am talking about buying a house with my partner, and this is not my first job. Yet when our upper management talks about how we’re all just wee wittle babies with no idea what we’re doing, it’s hard to feel as though my work is meaningful or respected. I’ve grown a lot at this job — I’ve won awards! — but I don’t think she’s noticed; to her, I seem to be at the exact same stage, in both work and life more generally, as I was five years ago.

I know I’m not the only one to feel extremely disrespected and beaten down by these comments. We’re unionized, and I know everyone else in the shop feels the same way about these comments, but we’re all kind of stymied; being spoken down to is not really a contractual issue.

For context, we are a small org. We don’t really have HR, and it’s difficult to navigate some of the workplace personnel issues because there aren’t any policies or ways to file complaints. It’s not possible to be anonymous. And this manager, while not technically my direct supervisor, is still someone I see and interface with regularly. We chitchat about life, and she also gives feedback on my work. Her desires and opinion of me impact what I’m doing daily. She also, clearly, does not take criticism constructively.

My direct supervisor gives me a lot of freedom and trust, which is a real saving grace; other people are dealing with this even more. But since we’re so small, he can only insulate me so much.

The obvious answer is to find new work; if my work doesn’t respect me, find a place that does! But I work in an industry with vanishingly few job openings. Also, unlike most other options in my field, my job is stable — even if underpaid compared with industry standard — so I don’t really feel as though I should leave, even if I could find another job, which is also unlikely.

So given that I’m staying here for at least the immediate foreseeable future, I’m wondering how to navigate this issue in a productive way.

Honestly, I don’t think you’re going to solve it, so the best thing you can do is to find ways to let it roll off of you.

That’s not to say that it’s not ridiculous and offensive; it is.

But in a small organization with no HR and this is a senior leader who doesn’t take feedback well … it’s not likely to change.

That doesn’t mean you can’t try! At a minimum, there might be responses you can try in the moment to try to highlight how absurd her comments are, or at least to push back on them. When she remarks on how young you are, you could say, “I’m in my mid-career with a master’s and X years of experience. I’m really concerned if you don’t think I have professional experience or judgment.”

When she says this is most employees’ first job out of college, say, “Wait, what? Most of us are mid-career and have been working for years.”

You could also try addressing it more head-on if you want to: “Can I ask you about something? You’ve made a lot of comments about how inexperienced I am, and I’m really taken aback by it since I’ve been working for X years. Do you have concerns about my work or my judgment that we should talk about?” … and then, depending on her response, possibly followed by, “I know you would want to know if something you were saying was landing the wrong way, so I want to be up-front that it’s demoralizing to hear my work dismissed like that.”

You might also talk to your own boss about the effect this person’s comments are having and ask if he has any insight into where on earth she’s coming from and whether he might consider having a conversation of his own with her (or, for that matter, with other management above him, who might be better positioned to tell her to cut it out).

But if none of that works, your best bet is to find ways not to care. That’s easier said than done, I realize! But this woman’s perspective is so absurd — insisting that you’re all right out of college when you’re not and talking about people in their mid-30s as wee babies — that seeing her very clearly as the jackwagon she appears to be might be the most powerful thing you can do for your own peace of mind.

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{ 157 comments }

{ 157 comments… read them below }

  1. Observer*

    Alison’s advice is good.

    But also, start planning an exit. Even if that means changing fields. Obviously that’s not happening overnight, but when you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you’re taking steps to get there, it makes the current dysfunction much more bearable.

    1. Nonny*

      I absolutely do not recommend changing fields over this (which the OP very clearly said they did not want to do).

    2. AD*

      This doesn’t seem like practical, or reasonable, advice. Sometimes workplace dysfunction can be insurmountable and the only option is to leave, but this isn’t that — it’s one senior leader who has some preconceived notions about things.

      Maybe it’s worth noting — this is a workplace website after all — that we should probably be a little more cautious about throwing out the old “your boss sucks, it’s time to leave” advice in a time when layoffs and staff reductions (and the growing threat of AI and government dysfunction, etc) are rampant and off the charts. Just some humble advice.

      1. Thin Mints didn't make me thin*

        I mean it wouldn’t HURT to send out a few resumes and see what the options are.

        1. Lily Rowan*

          Agreed. Don’t change fields, don’t quit without another job, but do keep your eyes open so when those few job openings come up, you see them and can apply.

      2. not nice, don't care*

        Sometimes we have to leave a burning house, no matter how much we don’t want to, to avoid getting burned or worse. Speaking from a lifetime of experience (and recovering from hellish people/circumstances).
        When a bully knows you won’t leave, they are free to escalate.

      3. Radioactive Cyborg Llama*

        I agree with you but the whole internet is basically an echo chamber that escalates conflict.

      4. H.Regalis*

        I think it’s something each person in a bad situation needs to carefully consider for themselves. The advice isn’t inherently bad, even if it comes off as being a bit pat. I don’t think advising someone to stay in an extremely messed up situation by telling them that they’re lucky to have a job at all because things could be so much worse is a good idea. A situation doesn’t have to the absolute worst possible ever for it to be damaging, whether emotionally or economically.

        It can be really frustrating to get the equivalent of “My Windows laptop is doing XYZ. How do I fix it?” “Buy a Mac”; but sometimes people do need to leave, even if they really don’t want to, even if it’s hard, even if inertia is a powerful drug. It’s really easy for your perspective to become extremely warped and sometimes it takes people on the outside of the situation to make you believe that.

        I think this is also an issue of selection bias. If you’re writing in to AAM, your problem is likely to be substantial, and thus more often the answer is going to be “Your boss sucks and isn’t going to change.” Also, the letters have a fairly short word limit, so people have to really edit down the information they present. For the problem people, we’re only seeing a teeny tiny sliver of them filtered through someone else. It’s easy to jump to conclusions without a lot of context,

        1. nnn*

          OK but of all the situations we see here this one doesn’t rise to the level of GTFO ASAP and it definitely doesn’t warrant changing fields!

          1. H.Regalis*

            I agree that this isn’t a GTFO now and/or change fields situation; however, “But it seems to inform other, more tangible issues like pay, promotion, and general trust in our choices at work,” would definitely make me reconsider staying at this job longterm. It sounds like this person could have a tangible negative effect on the LW’s finances, and the longterm impact of that on LW’s quality of life is a big deal.

            1. AD*

              Ok, but that does not align with what I was commenting on re: Observer’s “Even if that means changing fields” advice. That’s a pretty alarmist response to OP’s situation, respectfully.

          2. Marz*

            Yeah, but this comment didn’t say GTFO ASAP, so?

            It said “start planning an exit, even if that means changing fields (it may not mean that! and says it won’t happen quickly) BECAUSE that makes the current dysfunction more bearable.”

            I think that’s all true and good advice. The mindset in the letter – “I can’t get another job” is one of the more poisonous ones, though common enough and I understand it well! And it will always make any set of circumstances worse. Thus the advice: what if nothing changed for 30 years, would you stay for 30 years of this? and if the answer is YES, great, but a plan or even just an idea or a feeling that you’d be fine without this job, is still a wonderful thing. Because if we’ve seen anything here, it’s that a bad-but-tolerable situation can escalate quickly, unpredictably, and intolerably.

            I’ve been in all kinds of employment situations I didn’t like much, and reminding myself I had options – even bad ones, even ones I didn’t like, even ones I thought were worse than my current situation – was never a bad thing.

          3. Observer*

            this one doesn’t rise to the level of GTFO ASAP

            True. But the LW makes it clear that it’s not just that the boss is disrespectful in how she speaks. It’s affecting things like pay etc.

            Which means that the LW almost certainly is going to have to find a way to leave at some point.

            Normally I would have not added that they should consider changing fields. But the LW says that they will not be able to find another job in their field. Now, it could be that they are overstating the case, and if they search hard enough, they will find a better job in their field. But if they happen to be correct about their field essentially shrinking, then it behooves them to figure out how to pivot.

      5. Observer*

        Sometimes workplace dysfunction can be insurmountable and the only option is to leave, but this isn’t that — it’s one senior leader who has some preconceived notions about things.

        It’s a senior leader that’s making their life extremely difficult. And also, leadership that’s likely to make the company less successful. Which means that looking for other jobs is actually a sensible thing to do.

        Now, the LW has said that it’s probably not possible to change jobs without leaving their field. If that’s true, then they do need to think about a long term change of field. Because sooner or later, they are almost certainly going to *need* to change their job. Better to do it on their own terms.

        Now, I am *not* suggesting that the LW walk off this job. As I said, this is long term planning not immediate action. But long term plans make sense when you see that you are beating your head against a blank wall. At that point it makes sense to decide to fundamentally change the environment by leaving that wall behind.

        that we should probably be a little more cautious about throwing out the old “your boss sucks, it’s time to leave”

        Except that that is not what I am suggesting. What I am suggesting is looking at a long term plan. Because that can make the current dysfunction easier to bear – it makes it easier to just decide that “I don’t care that my boss has a bad attitude and is being disrespectful. That’s a her problem, not a me problem.” It also means that when the time comes for the LW to move on, which will happen, they will be in a better position to make the best move for themselves.

        1. AD*

          I think Alison’s advice holds up and I agree with her. There’s a fair bit of overthinking happening in your response, respectfully. We have 15+ years of AAM to teach us what a “get out now” workplace looks like. This isn’t anywhere close.

        2. AD*

          “But I work in an industry with vanishingly few job openings. Also, unlike most other options in my field, my job is stable — even if underpaid compared with industry standard — so I don’t really feel as though I should leave, even if I could find another job, which is also unlikely.”

          I think OP’s own words speak for themselves, respectfully.

    3. Retired Vulcan Raises 1 Grey Eyebrow*

      Yes, the OP needs an exit plan, because:
      1) she is currently underpaid for her field and not able to get promotions or significant rises.
      2) she is not treated respectfully by the leadership, who suck and probably won’t change.
      3) if she really can’t find another job then she would be very vulnerable if e.g. this poor leadership brings the organisation into financial problems, or for any reason decides to cut her job… say if she really annoys TPTB. So imo it would be wise to let the union take the lead in pushing back, rather than being prominant herself.

  2. Millennial here*

    Solidarity, OP! It’s really disheartening to have your experience dismissed like that. I have supervised a mixed team – some early career folks, some folks nearing retirement, with me, a millennial, right smack dab in the middle (in my mid-30s). I have a master’s degree, I’ve been working in my field for 16 years, 10 years at my current employer… and I had one of my near-retirement employees (who is in her second career – I hired her about five years ago) remark how proud of me she is for accomplishing so much when I’m so young, and just think of how much I’m learning in my current role! … She’s not my mother, she’s my direct report, and I was in a performance management meeting with her about some concerns I had about her judgement. She also continues to remark upon my age even after I’ve shared that it’s demoralizing and undermines me as a supervisor – saying things like “I know you don’t like to hear it but you’re such a good supervisor for someone so young!” At a certain point I just need to shake my head at her. And tell her to stop again.

    1. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

      It might be time to ask her to repeat back to you what you just said. Yes, it’s infantalizing but she’s really not getting the message about keeping her opinions to herself.

    2. LACPA*

      I would say it’s rude, not demoralizing, for her to continuously comment on your age when you’re her *supervisor*. Demoralizing isn’t really the right word, in my opinion. Does it make you lose confidence or hope? No, I’d say it’s offensive. Rude. Say it out loud!

      1. MigraineMonth*

        “It’s frowned on to comment on other people’s ages or bodies in the workplace. Years of experience are appropriate to discuss, and I have plenty of those.”

      2. CHRISTOPHER FRANKLIN*

        “Demoralizing” and “rude” are both apt in this instance. It is rude because it assumes an incorrect and patronizing idea about the letter writer. Demoralizing because it makes the letter writer feel like no amount of effort is going to change this situation and any accomplishments are invisible. It is possible for the situation to be both.

        1. Crooked Bird*

          I think the idea was that even if “demoralizing” is true, “rude” makes you sound more like you’re speaking from a position of strength.

    3. Observer*

      he’s not my mother, she’s my direct report, and I was in a performance management meeting with her about some concerns I had about her judgement.

      Yes, she definitely showed bad judgement. And I would love for her to have been called out for this highly inappropriate and condescending comment.

      She also continues to remark upon my age even after I’ve shared that it’s demoralizing and undermines me as a supervisor

      You’re giving her all the incentive she needs to continue.

      Stop telling her that it’s demoralizing. Start telling her that it’s rude and disrespectful, and it needs to stop. Period. To you especially, but to anyone else as well. It’s out of line and she cannot be that way to people in your workplace.

      I just need to shake my head at her. And tell her to stop again.

      And start managing this like any other performance issue.

      1. LaminarFlow*

        +1 to all of this! All of her comments are really ageist and inappropriate. She might think that since her comments are filled with praise, they are ok (which is gross!). Since she’s not listening to the corrections of her behavior, so it is time to start managing this like any other performance issue.

        I am almost 50 years old. My 4 previous managers have all been 10ish years younger than me, and they have all been wonderful to work for. I would be incredibly embarrassed if I made any comments about how proud I am of their success at their age. Just….what??

    4. Mad Scientist*

      While I’ve encountered this attitude a lot from higher-ups and coworkers, I always find it so bold when it’s directed at one’s boss!

      I recently met my spouse’s coworkers and one of them was clearly unhappy that the boss was younger than her (only by a couple years, which made it weirder). At one point, the boss said something like “I’m your boss” (in response to an inappropriate comment), and the coworker responded “But I’m older than you.” Um… what?

      1. Kay*

        The only time I’ve ever used “I’m older than you” as a way to one up somebody, I was talking to my younger sibling… wtf

    5. Binge Crosby*

      “You’re right, I don’t like to hear that, and once again I need you to stop. Do you understand what I’m asking of you?”

  3. H.Regalis*

    I don’t think you’re going to be able to convince her to change her perceptions because it sounds like she believes you’re all wee babies because that’s what she wants to believe. Probably to keep you in your place? I don’t think this is the kind of thing where facts have any bearing on her opinion. This is how she wants to see you all and reality is no match for that.

    1. Chas*

      Either keeping them in their place and/or she’s very insecure about getting older/her kids being in college and possibly being about to leave home and is trying to deny reality by insisting everyone is 10 years younger than they really are.

  4. Salmo Fontinalis*

    I call this “First impression bias” where to some people you’re always the person you were on the day you met them. There’s not fixing it. Gotta find a new job.

    1. Shipbuilding Techniques*

      This is so true…I think I need to move to another position in my own organization in response to the recent promotion of someone who remembers the calcified me of 5 years ago.

    2. Anon for this one*

      There’s definitely something in that. Perceptions tend to solidify around when you first started, particularly so if you started at that particular organisation in your 20s. There’s a huge difference in those first 5-10 years of work experience, but it can be hard to progress if people still think of you as ‘fresh out of college’.

      When I moved after a similar amount of years in my first prof org, I noticed a difference in the way I was treated. Didn’t have to work so hard to be taken seriously etc etc. People accepted my professional opinion more often etc. I also noticed when I wanted to move up into middle and senior manager positions that was also easier in orgs when I had less history in more junior roles there – so I found that ‘first impression bias’ to affect me in more than just those early roles.

      Obviously you can have good organisations that are mindful of this and understand how people progress through their career no matter when they started… I just personally haven’t encountered them!

    3. Ally McBeal*

      Yeah, I imagine there’s a lot of this going on here. At my last job, two years in, my coworker was at my cubicle and made an offhand reference to my red hair. My hair at that moment in time was brown, but it had been red when I first started the job. I said, “you mean brown hair?” and she doubled down until I literally pointed at my head, at which point we both started laughing. Our brains are WEIRD.

  5. CommanderBanana*

    “a small organization with no HR and a senior leader who doesn’t take feedback well” = your boss sucks and is not going to change.

    I’m a Millennial and for a long time it seemed like older people got into the habit of referring to anyone younger who annoyed them as “Millennials” and it’s like, Millennials are solidly middle aged and I have the back pain and mortgage to prove it.

    1. H.Regalis*

      I’m picturing you brandishing a back brace and/or a chiropractor’s bill at these older people.

    2. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

      This is exactly why I hate generational names. “Boomer” comes from demographic terms; Gen X comes from a book title; all the rest got shoehorned in and they are codes that nobody has the key to. People tend to know their own generational names but that’s all. Why can’t we just talk about when people were born, like, by decade. “People born in the 90’s tend to blah blah” is SO MUCH EASIER to parse.

      1. I should really pick a name*

        I think judging people based on when they were born is more of an issue than the named used to describe them.

        1. Northbayteky*

          I think we should all drop the ageism. Young, old, middle aged, aren’t we all just people? I’ve known older, educated people that were as dumb as a post. And I’ve known younger people that were wise beyond their years. Education, maturity, family background all form who we are and how we operate in the working world. It’s probably best to see each person as an individual first.

      2. I'm just here for the cats!!*

        Millennial isn’t a code word or anything. It is demographical because it comes from the fact the eldest people in that generation were becoming adults at the change of the century. Another name is gen Y since we come after Gen X. That is why the next generation is Gen Z.

        How about instead people stop complaining about stuff and saying it is a characteristic of a certain generation.

        1. Crooked Bird*

          I think Millenial is a poorly formed category though tbh. If you need to invent the term “elder Millenial,” you’ve timed your generation category wrong. And yes we did need to invent it–people born in the 80s and 90s actually had radically different experiences. *Everything* was changing during those times. The young Millenials grew up online; as an elder Millenial I grew up writing paper letters to penpals! I was there when the internet was called the Information Superhighway. This is a pretty broad difference of experience.

          Just my two cents on that particular term. I was born in ’81 and was VERY surprised when I found out I was a Millenial. Though I suppose this is neither here nor there, I’ve never tasted avocado toast. ;) (this is what emojis looked like in my day)

          1. Parcae*

            Elder Millennial to elder Millennial… it’s like that for all generations. We’re not unique– although we are very, very special! ;)

            A generation covers roughly 15 years, so the eldest members are always going to have very different experiences than the youngest, and some of those on the cusp may find they associate better with the neighboring generation. The youngest Silent Gen folks have a lot in common with Boomers, and the eldest Gen Z may have a Millennial sibling or spouse. Your experience will also be affected by where you grew up, your race, your economic class, etc, etc. People just don’t fall into neat little boxes like we want them to.

            Avocado toast is good, though, and (contrary to all the stereotypes about expensive brunches) very easy to make at home. Give it a try!

            1. misselphaba*

              Add some salt and pepper or crushed red pepper or chili crisp if you’re feeling crazy ;)

              Signed, a California milennial.

              1. Parcae*

                I’m fond of smoked paprika with salt and a squeeze of lime. If that’s too complicated, Tajin is a good substitute. Or for a very different approach, try Everything But The Bagel seasoning.

                I will have to try chili crisp. I hadn’t thought of that.

            2. pandop*

              It’s a poorly formed demographic too, as it never starts as early as 1979, yet all us 1979 babies turned 21 in 2000 … just as the millennium ended.

            3. Claire*

              Agree with everything Parcae pointed out and will add that there is also a subcategory called Xennials to describe the cohort of elder Millenials and younger Gen Xers who share the experience of reaching adulthood just as the internet age was dawning.

    3. HiddenT*

      At my previous job when I started in 2019, there was a woman working there in her 50s whose son was in college. She said something one day along the lines of “you know how Millennials are” about her son, and I said “he’s Gen Z. I’m a Millennial, and I’m 35.” She was actually shocked, because for so long “millennial” was slang for “upstart kid” and now they’re using Gen Z in the same way.

      1. Datadawg*

        I was about to comment something very similar! I had a coworker who kept calling his daughters millennials, and I was like, dude, no. It doesn’t just mean younger person. You can call ME one, as I’m right on the cusp, but your daughters are fully gen Z lol.

        1. umami*

          I think the farther you are from the younger generations, the more the names just … blend. I’m Gen X, and I don’t really know what all the generations below me are, what year ranges they encompass, etc. So I think of them all as millennials because we’re in the new millennium. Which works for me, because I am not trying to understand an individual based on the year they were born or what classification they fall within., any more than I would consider their astrological sign!

      2. Metal Sonic*

        I had a very young coworker around 8 years ago- I think she was 20 or 21 at the time. She kept referring to herself as a Millennial. This was before Gen-Z was a common term. Since I was solidly a Millennial and generally understood the birth year cutoff to be around 1995, I did a quick Google search and learned the term Gen-Z. She was actually kind of disappointed she wasn’t a Millennial when I showed her the results of my search.

    4. Seamyst*

      Yes! My former boss (who’s the same age as my mom) was a little unhappy about my then-report’s speaking style, and commented that it was very Millennial. She didn’t really get it when I told her A) that’s not constructive, and B) I’m also a Millennial and don’t talk like that!

    5. jojo*

      Ugg. My son is 39, married 10 years. Has three kids, a job, and a house. Plus. He just got discharged from the Marines. Those millennial are so unmotivated. Just like us boomers are so rude and entitled. This boomer is still working because I am not old enough to retire. Still have four years before I am even old enough to register for Medicare. People’s misconceptions about people of any certain age is so insane.

    6. Teacher Lady*

      One of my coworkers refers to our students as entitled Millennials when she is at the end of her rope.

      We are an elementary school. Millennials *birthed* the majority of our students.

    7. mreasy*

      I have friends who are Millennials who do this and I’m like, babe, that’s us, the call is coming from inside the house.

  6. Heather*

    I think Allison’s direct approach about the issue with age and experience aligned with, “do you have concerns about my work that I should be aware of” is the best bet but I also think this personality type requires some oiling/kiss up behavior to be listened to. I hope the LW updates!

  7. Not Tom, Just Petty*

    I would ignore it as an obnoxious quirk once you have a conversation about your goals with her. Can you have a 1:1 and tell her you are interested in moving up? If she tells you that you are not ready yet, you can lead into asking her what you need to do by telling her about your experience there and your academic background. And if she is vague or dismissive, then you can decide if you are willing to accept these gold (plated) handcuffs and the jackass holding the key.

  8. LinesInTheSand*

    You said “productive”, not “graceful”, and I think that’s good.

    Make a long term plan for some part of your life, and every time she says something infantilizing, use it as tacit permission to spend 30 minutes or an hour advancing your plan. It can be a new job, it can be a title bump, it can be a new garden plot, it can be figuring out what movie to see over the weekend.

    This woman is old enough and senior enough to know better. It’s not your responsibility to change her or correct her or coach her. You’re not obligated to find a way to feel good about this or let it roll off you or ignore it.

    Spite is an amazing motivator and you should feel free to embrace it as such.

    2. Smithy*

      Yes to this.

      If the OP is in a sector where new jobs are just a challenge to get and take a lot of waiting (I always imagine that someone works in a zoo and doesn’t want to leave the city they live in) – then I do think that part of this is finding ways to let it go. It could be something immediate to meet the moment (i.e. when this happens, I’m allowed to buy a coffee or a sweet treat), but I love coupling it with time to invest in yourself and your life.

      I think a huge part of what helps here is to try and remove yourself from any complaining feedback loops at work. When I’ve been upset at work for real issues, there’s always come a point where continuously talking about it with colleagues from work just makes me more and more frustrated or worked up. It’s when that one venting happy hour turns into sessions over lunch that it’s harder and harder to let go. It’s not that what this boss is doing is correct, it’s that it’s not allowing the OP peace.

      1. 2 Cents*

        Ooo, I like this framing. I don’t work in a zoo, but I have a long-term goal that’s definitely multistep and way long-term, but I often get lost in the details and the “eh, but right now I have to focus on X-that’s-not-that.”

      2. LinesInTheSand*

        When I was going through a really stressful time at work, I used to go on runs after bad meetings just because “I refuse to let them win and I’m going to be healthy IN THEIR FACES.”

        Another time, I’d go on walks to the local plant nursery, impulse-buy anything that looked pretty, and then pretty soon I had the flower garden that stress built.

  9. Venus*

    One of the best things I managed to do was make it into a friendly coworker competition when a particular problem person made bad comments. “They complained to me about 5 different topics in 10 minutes, how about you?” “Shoot, I only had 3 today.” Or if that’s likely to be too negative as a topic at work, you can try to view it as a personal study of human behavior and how she changes from week to week.

    I had one coworker complain at me when I finally bought a home because “All you millenials buy things you can’t afford”. I would have felt insulted except that this guy was such a known problem, and I’m several years older than that generation. I quickly told a coworker with “Guess what creative way I was insulted today?! And he thinks I’m a millenial!! How kind of him.”

    In your case I’d be more bothered because this is a boss and not a coworker, but if she’s critical of everyone’s generation and perceived lack of experience then it’s clearly a criticism of everyone and best to try and find ways to let it slide over you.

    1. Bee*

      What an unbelievably funny distillation of all the Millennial memes into one nonsensical whole. “You Millennials can’t afford to buy a house because you’re always wasting your money on houses you can’t afford!!!!”

    2. Roscoe da Cat*

      At one place I worked with a crazy manager, we had a statue of an elephant that would appear on the desk of whoever he was angry at that day.

      People would march out of his office and grab the elephant triumphantly and we would all applaud.

    3. Desert Rat*

      I like this tactic. I once had a client go on a red-faced rant to me about Millennials not wanting to work hard and opting out of real careers to chase internet stardom. I could have pointed out that I, a Millennial, have been working to contribute to the family since I was 15 years old. I have a master’s degree, a solid 15-year career in my field in which I have won awards for my work, and zero social media accounts because I don’t like social media. Instead, I opted for, “Hm, that hasn’t been my experience” and moved on with the meeting. My husband and I were amused talking about it over dinner, though.

    4. MigraineMonth*

      I was tearing my hair out over a project that was taking ten times as long as it needed to because the project lead demanded every single decision be made by committee. Three months in, something flipped in my brain. I accepted the things I couldn’t change: they were going to waste an hour of my time every couple of weeks, and it was going to be many months before I could finish the project.

      It was–objectively–ridiculous and hilarious. I kind of wanted to see how long it could take! Now I have a tight 5-minute standup routine about the software development project from Hell where it took a committee one year and eleven months to jointly design an email alert.

      1. Shipbuilding Techniques*

        Wow! This tops even my workplace and their fetish for status update meetings.

  10. Becky S*

    If this woman felt good about herself she wouldn’t be so insulting and condescending to others.

    1. Pay no attention...*

      I agree with you. I immediately thought this is a woman who is struggling coming to terms with her own age and projecting her insecurity onto others. Good luck trying to get her to stop, because first, she would need to make peace with herself.

      1. Certaintroublemaker*

        Yeah, my assumption was that employees can’t get any more experienced/older in her mind because that would mean she’s getting older.

    2. Anon for this*

      I agree with this take. Also, there is that culture shift going on now where a lot of the aging population feel like they have a grievance against everyone who’s different (younger?) than them. We are seeing this play out in real time a lot of arenas. It’s like a “Gotcha” moment when they act out.

      2. MrsGreenJeans*

        Huh. I don’t really see that. I do see the younger generations being dismissive of older workers. Or claiming old people have a grievance when they don’t like being dismissed….
        But that’s not at all new. Young people have been dismissing and not valuing older people forever. And older people – who used to do it to their elders – don’t care for it once they’re on the other side.
        So maybe remember respect goes both ways. For every “young people these days!” there’s a corresponding “you’re old and don’t get it”. Everyone should knock it off. People of all ages have value and can contribute.

  11. mango chiffon*

    “more tangible issues like pay, promotion, and general trust in our choices at work”
    It seems like you have bigger issues at this office than just this one person being condescending. If your union is not going to fight for those specific pay and promotion issues, then maybe you should just make plans to leave.

    1. The Unspeakable Queen Lisa*

      Gosh, I’m so used to Americans being non-unionized that I forgot LW said she’s in a union! Why are they underpaid? The union doesn’t appear to be doing its duty.

      Also, LW… you sound like the person who pre-emptively doesn’t job search because they “know” there won’t be anything better. Put that assumption to the test. Since you’re not in a hurry to leave, it’s okay if the jobs are few and far between. Apply anyway.

    2. Sudsy Malone*

      For what it’s worth, I didn’t read it as that the union was “not fighting” on issues like pay. It also does make sense that the union wouldn’t/couldn’t take action on the issue the LW wrote in about.

      I hope the union is focused on improving pay and paths for promotion! I don’t think the fact that folks are still underpaid means the union isn’t doing its duty or doesn’t care. I have had experience being in a workplace where we established a union for the first time. We fought hard, had great leadership, and successfully went on strike — and even with the big gains we won in our first contract, we technically still were underpaid, because that’s how bad things had been.

      I agree with the point that the bread-and-butter issues here are a bigger deal than the disrespect, and probably are why the comments are so annoying. I just don’t think we have enough information from the post to make a clear assessment of if the union is fulfilling its duties or not. There are way too many potential variables there.

  12. Amber T*

    I think I read about this first on Captain Awkward, but I’m a fan of returning awkward to sender. Obviously you have to do this carefully given it’s senior management, but the next time she claims you’re babies/don’t have experience/etc., look puzzled and say “what an odd thing to say.” Because IT IS an odd thing to say to people with years of experience. I wouldn’t offer further explanation, however justified, because she’ll just look to poke holes in whatever argument you make – honestly, it’s probably a tactic she uses to make herself feel more superior, so whatever argument you provide is just an opportunity to one up you.

    1. Not that other person you didn't like*

      Yes, or take her feedback REALLY seriously… “Based on your comments, I thought it would be good to take 30 minutes to discuss my resume and qualifications, just to make sure we’re on the same page.” Or “we’re inviting everyone to a series of lunch and learn brown bag sessions where each team member will highlight their experience and talk about a critical contribution, / big win / or area of expertise in order to break down silos and cross-train in our key compentencies.”

      1. Certaintroublemaker*

        I like the lunch and learns! Is there a newsletter where the highlights can be shared? Also, celebrations of people completing 5 years at the company this year, 10 years, etc. And publicizing when people win awards or achieve big accomplishments.

        This, though—“But I work in an industry with vanishingly few job openings.”—makes me think that LW will need to consider pivoting to a new career at some point or other.

        1. Not that other person you didn't like*

          Yes! I’ve spent decades honing my exec-impressing, corpo-babble speak! Just over here synergizing those paradigm shifts to move the needle and think outside the box!

    2. MigraineMonth*

      This one has to be used with caution, but can you laugh like she’s made a joke?

      “Oh, nothing, I was just thinking back to my actual first job out of college–that would have been a decade and a half ago. I remember we were all worried about the Y2K bug destroying all computers and sending us back to the stone age!”

      1. Kay*

        I like this! Bring her in on the joke. Or use it as a conversation shift. “I was just thinking about my first job out of college 10 years ago. It was in X city. Have you ever been over there?”

  13. I Have RBF*

    This sounds like a bad case of what I call “mommy brain” – a person who is a parent and therefore sees everyone younger than they are as a “child”. It’s a habit some older folks get into, especially when their kids are still at home.

    I’m currently on my second career, and I am older than most of my coworkers and managers. I lean into it only in a joking way, and only comment about myself. Everyone else, I try to assume competence until proven otherwise. I realize that people in the few few year of their careers might need more help, but I know from personal experience that age and competence are not always linked.

    If a person has been working at my company for more than a couple of years, I figure they are competence enough to keep their jobs. Which age cohort they are in really doesn’t matter. Yes, there are some areas where age can make a difference, but that is mostly “social skills” across age groups.

    Yes, there is a difference between “20 years experience” and “One year of experience 20 times”, but it is actually pretty rare to find the latter.

    1. CV*

      I agree, it sounds like the problem a lot of parents have when their kids actually become adults and they just can’t reformat their outlook to realize that.

      It’s possible that the letter writer might find things in advice columns for parents on this (related) issue that would also help in addition to Allison’s excellent scripts for addressing it in a professional way.

      As an aside: because I like precision in language, if I were working there, I would create a few small posters which delineate the current ages of people in the generations in question, so that there’s a chance this person might see that they are using the wrong terms.
      As others have said, it is unlikely this person will change what they are saying, but it would be somewhat satisfying.

      1. Bike Walk Bake Books*

        I like accuracy in terminology, but this would reinforce the idea that each unique individual there is a stand-in for their entire generation.

    2. Bike Walk Bake Books*

      Offering a friendly amendment: This could be called “parent brain” and not embed a gendered reference. You went on to say exactly that after the first phrase with more inclusive wording.

    3. toolegittoresign*

      Yes — I feel like it happens most with parents of teens. Their emotions about power struggles at home bleed into the workplace and they take their frustration out on their employees because suddenly every conflict becomes a stand-in for their conflicts with their teens and they abuse their position at work to bulldoze their employees since they know employees, unlike teens, likely won’t talk back, scream, slam doors, etc. And, as an employee, you’re just left bewildered because here you are acting like an adult professional and your boss or leadership is acting like an asshole.

  14. Zona the Great*

    I’m 40. My father was a malignant narcissist and now that life has beaten him down, he is a victim-narcissist. Often part of this comes with both infantilizing behaviors and, ironically, parentifying behaviors. So I am simultaneously treated like a moron who can’t tie her shoes and as his mother responsible for his tantrums and his wee wittle fee-fees. This has been this way since I was first aware of life.

    OP, your boss doesn’t sound much different. The best advice I can give is for you to neutrally respond (as best you can) with messages that indicate of course you can tie your own GD shoes. How silly that you would have to question that, boss!

    1. The Unspeakable Queen Lisa*

      Gosh, Zona, after your comment about your evil SIL and now this, I feel a lot of sympathy for your family situation. I barley speak to my mother and broke off contact with my dad decades ago. Family stuff is so hard.

      1. Zona the Great*

        Aw thanks! SIL is a relationship I find more funny (life…hahaha) but the dad thing kills me.

  15. JP*

    I had a coworker who was like this towards me and pretty much everyone else younger than her for a long time. All millennials are lazy, vapid, irresponsible, incompetent, etc. Lots of ranting about how things were different in her day. She’s gotten better in the last couple of years, probably since her boss retired and was replaced by a millennial. HR did have to intervene a couple times during that transition regarding her bad attitude, but most of the remarks have stopped.

    It’s a mentality that is rooted in insecurity, jealousy, and a lack of self awareness.

  16. Rogue Slime Mold*

    If you want to lightly interrupt the flow, can you master a very mild “Oh it’s actually Tuesday, not Wednesday” tone? Pretending that the stuff she’s saying is of course those everyday little details it’s easy to confuse, but you wouldn’t want her to head into the Eyre meeting when that’s actually tomorrow. Just making it a little less fun for her to have to always spell out that she knows that, this was a joke. Only if you feel you have the capital to use on this, since she already thinks of you as a whippersnapper. If not, treat it as the anthropology bingo upthread.

    (You can go all the way to “Ha ha ha that is so funny when we all know the opposite is true! You are such a card!” but that probably lands as more confrontational than you want.)

  17. I Can't Odd*

    Having dealt with someone like this (in my case it was a teacher), I have a guess that it might stem from her frustration with her actual Gen Z kid. In my case, my teacher was upset with her kid, saw similar traits in me, and took it out on me in class. My gut reaction when reading this was that OP’s rude and dismissive manager is frustrated because her kid (or maybe their peers) doesn’t work the way she wants them to, and she’s connecting it with OP’s (and colleagues’) behavior. Not helpful at all.

    1. Hannah Lee*

      That was my thought as well. This person is unhappy with something their adult child is doing, or how they’re living their life. So they are generalizing to other people they see everyday … who, not coincidentally they have actual power over … and using work as a place to vent their irritation, disappointment, whatever (consciously or subconsciously). Possibly because addressing it directly with their child won’t change anything or will come at too high a cost, whereas lobbing blanket insults at underlings reads as risk-free, something she’s entitled to do. It’s not a productive or beneficial approach, but they are getting something out of it on some level.

      The problem is, once someone’s adopted a warped lens like that, especially one fueled by emotionally charged issues in their family, IME they are unlikely to shift their viewpoint unless something dramatic happens or this attitude is preventing them from getting something they need, want.

      For OP it seems like the options are ignore it, push back when it really matters (possibly as a group), or get out of this workplace.

  18. Asloan*

    I’d also add that sooner or later you’re going to want to switch jobs so it’s better to try and banish an attitude of scarcity towards any other kind of job. You’re always at the mercy of your employer if you tell yourself there are no other jobs. Why not use this time to try and prepare for a pivot?

    1. urbanexotic*

      That was my takeaway, too. If the field is already narrowing to the point that OP can’t imagine job searching, then OP desperately needs to consider their options and prepare for a pivot, like, yesterday.

  19. SunshineKittens*

    It’s she making these comments to a whole group or to you personally? I would just ignore it because it obviously doesn’t apply to you.

  20. But Of Course*

    Being spoken down to may not be a contractual issue, but we sent a letter to my unit’s direct boss when she started getting out of line on disrespectful talk, and it worked. Talk it over with your rep at the union; unless your shop steward is very experienced, you’ll want your union rep looped in and ideally, if they are a proactive union, they’ll have language suggestions. It matters when your whole unit signs that letter, even if there aren’t contractual penalties that can be imposed.

    1. Poison I.V. drip*

      I agree with this. The boss’ comments are getting close to age discrimination, which I think doesn’t become actionable until the target is 40 or more years of age, but there’s no reason to think she’ll stop when her team starts hitting their 40s.

      1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

        I’m not a lawyer, but I’m not sure it would apply. My understanding is that the age discrimination thing is to prevent discrimination against “older” workers. Basically, putting people at a disadvantage because of a belief that older people are less competent. This is the opposite – treating people who are younger as though they’re less competent. I’m not sure how the target(s) being over age 40 changes that.

    2. AndreaC*

      I was coming to comment this. The steward could bring it up as a concern of the staff and perhaps avoid people being singled out.

      1. But Of Course*

        As I think about it, we structured our letter as the first step of a grievance – basically, shape up or we’re going to the board and personnel committee with a formal grievance. It would work to have the steward present it as group concerns.

  21. Nightengale*

    I am reminded of when leadership in my department nominated me for a local 40 under 4o list – without first checking my age which was 46 at the time.

    I’m sure that is completely and totally unrelated to the fact that no one in leadership in my department seems to realize that I am routinely asked to give talks around the country and am in a leadership position in my professional society. (On the rare occasions they talk to me, I do keep telling them, but mostly they don’t talk to me)

    1. Yvette*

      Maybe they thought it would look good for the company to have someone on that list and they thought maybe you were only like 39 because you look young for your age?

      1. MrsGreenJeans*

        I’m sure they thought it would look good for the company, but you’re missing the point. They viewed her as a young newcomer. When she’s a pro.
        And “you look young for your age” isn’t the compliment most people seem to think.
        Can we please just value anything OTHER than youth and appearance?
        Wild that you never hear of business organizations compiling a list of notable people OVER a certain age. There’s never a list of “50 people doing awesome in their 50s” – it’s always “here’s who is amazing AND young!”

      2. Nightengale*

        I definitely look young for my age but really you should check someone’s age before actually making that nomination.

  22. Ann O'Nemity*

    Sounds like insecurity at play, a sad but common psychological defense mechanism.

    If senior leadership frames you all as inexperienced, it conveniently justifies:
    – Why they don’t trust your judgment.
    – Why pay raises or promotions aren’t a priority.
    – Why their own leadership choices can’t be at fault, because in their minds you’re all just “rookies” who can’t be expected to know better.

    It’s a toxic narrative that can quietly erode morale and opportunity, especially in small organizations without HR or anonymous feedback channels to challenge it.

  23. HedgehogQueen*

    I wonder if you could also consider a very breezy “I am flattered you think I still look that young!” / “Wow, I wish!” That maybe a gentle nudge out of that particular tangent for her.

  25. Christine*

    I had a co-worker like this, so my experience isn’t on the same scale, but good grief, it’s awful. For an adult to infantilize others is the height of condescension and disrespect. Stand up for yourself as you can, and ignore the rest. She is her own problem and you don’t have to be entangled in it.

  26. Nat20*

    You could also continue to find ways to add references to your not-that-young-ness in casual chitchat, not just in response to her comments. For example: “When I was in college…. wait, did I really graduate 9 years ago? Wild! Anyway…” Or, “I’m moving a little slow today. Sleeping in a weird position sure can mess up my back now that I’m 34!” Or, “I remember hearing about that while I was in grad school; my [master’s program] professors talked about it a lot.” Or, “I used to love coffee when I was in my 20s, but not as much now,” etc. etc.

    1. Trillian*

      That was my thought. From now on, she’s “The Old Lady”–following the naval tradition of calling the Captain of the ship the Old Man.

      No, don’t do this, for the sake of harmony. Just think it very loudly.

  27. Llellayena*

    You’re focusing on one specific person in upper management but also saying the the whole upper management is a problem in this way. Is there anyone in upper management, preferably at or above the most problematic person, who might have some sympathy for this? Talk to them, name the pattern, a couple ridiculous specifics and the effect it’s having on morale and compensation and maybe you’ll shock at least one person into realizing it’s an issue. One person in upper management pushing back might be enough for a slow change.

    1. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

      I also wonder if there would be any way for a big group of the staff to push back in some way en masse. Even if that’s more everyone responding “what an odd thing to say!” whenever it comes up or something more direct.

  28. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

    Yup, if you’re going to stay, remember that the whole thing is because she has wild beliefs. It has nothing to do with you or your colleagues. If someone who has such terrible judgment doesn’t respect you, that doesn’t have to mean anything. Like, anyone with three brain cells to rub together should surely understand that insulting your staff is a bad plan! The practical stuff about pay matters, but the emotional stuff doesn’t need to. Try to be amused that there are people out there who are this out of touch.

    But if you want to push back, subtly, you could try asking her for specifics when she makes these vague complaints. Young people don’t know how to follow policies because it’s their first job – Oh, which specific policies are people struggling with, just so you can keep an eye out / make sure you’re following the rules? Everyone who works here is an incompetent child – Are there specific things management wants to make sure people upskill on and is there a plan in the works for how everyone will get that training?

    Go for a curious and slightly bemused vibe. You just want clarity on how to do a good job, after all! And understanding their concerns about the workplace is an important part of that. Hopefully that’ll make it uncomfortable enough for senior leadership to STFU.

  29. Fíriel*

    You know, most Gen Zs are also actually adults at this point, so even if your coworkers were Gen Z, it wouldn’t really justify this.

    1. Tristan*

      Yeah, I’m on the elder end of Gen Z and I’m 28. I’ve got student loans, a retirement account, and back pain. I’m not even on my first job out of college- I think I’m on #3 or 4, depending on how you count? The only people in my life who have made age an issue to this degree were clearly insecure about something in their own lives. If you don’t want to leave this job or raise this as an issue, it’s worth remembering that this has nothing to do with your actual experience or work and everything to do with her.

  30. Cookie Monster*

    In addition to Alison’s excellent advice, if she brings up the bit about no one following policies again, I would genuine ask “Oh, what policies aren’t we following? I bet we could work on that.”

    Like, I would genuinely be curious what policies she thinks we’re ignoring given that there basically are no policies.

    1. Zelda*

      And the lack of policies is probably something the union could address. Appropriate SOPs, criteria for performance evaluation, policies for redress of grievances, etc., are all things that a union should be pushing for.

  31. jojo*

    After being nice like Alison say. Tell her if you are gen z then she must be geriatric. Because if you gen z that makes her old enough to be your mother. And since you are 30 she must be 50. Mix that however makes sense to you. Put tell her you being gen z makes her olf.

  32. The Formatting Queen*

    Princeton: My PURPOSE! Look at this kid, here, all fresh faced and new and not knowing anything! He has no idea what he’s in for! He thinks the hard part’s over, but it’s not! And maybe he needs a little help! Maybe my purpose is to take everything I’m learning and put it – put it into a SHOW!

    Brian: Are you high?

    Newcomer: And I’m not some young kid who doesn’t know anything. Fuck you!

  33. Lorax*

    I’m not sure exactly how her perception is playing out, but if you and your coworkers are being passed up for opportunities or seeing pay disparities due to this exec’s perception of your age, I’d look into age discrimination options. I realize that age discrimination is only illegal over 40 on a federal level, but some state laws set the bar much lower. In my state, it’s over 18, though, ironically, you’re nearing “over 40” territory and being treated like a baby, so I would LOVE to see an age discrimination case of someone over 40 being discriminated against because they’re TOO YOUNG. That said, there’s always a difference between what you can do, and what’s smart to do. Personally, while I’d love to look into the options for a suit over this, I wouldn’t necessarily bring that to your boss or your company unless you were already ready to quit over this, due to the possibility of retaliation. Still, if her perception is holding you back materially or a part of why you’re being underpaid (individually or collectively), I’d love for you to feel like you have more options on your back pocket.

  34. Mad Scientist*

    Unfortunately I think you’re likely to encounter at least one person like this in almost every workplace (although some are certainly more egregious than others)

  35. Someone Else's Boss*

    I agree that the best option here is to seem confused and surprised when she says disparaging things, especially when they’re wrong. Even if her opinions don’t change, she may stop feeling so free about sharing them. I’ve used Alison’s advise to say things as is of course the person is reasonable and will understand. It’s very effective.

  36. JSPA*

    “I’m curious, when you were (age you are now), or when you had your (degree you have) for (relevant number of years), what were you doing, professionally? And did you feel like a kid, then?”

    (Something is clearly not computing right, but maybe you can force her brain into reset mode.)

  37. Aquarion*

    TBH, It’s highly likely that her opinions on your work are likely to affect how you see yourself as able to attract another job. By which I mean, look anyway. Apply your skills to other industries, since stable or not, an organisation that treats its mid-career employees as entry level shouldn’t be trusted to be able to support late-career employees when that time comes.

  38. Yes And*

    I had a boss exactly like this. The difference is that I was actually the first Real Adult ™ she had ever hired. All my colleagues were in fact in their early 20’s and most of them it actually was their first job out of college. I didn’t like being lumped in with their inexperience — but also, they were brilliant and driven and did not deserve the way she infantilized them either. I think she hired fresh-faced young adults specifically so they wouldn’t have preexisting standards of how they should be treated at work, and would normalize her regular abuse. (Screaming rants, insults, impossible expectations, shifting standards… the works.)

    I found it helpful to drop in mentions of my experience into random conversations with her. At every plausible opportunity I’d bring up my age, my past workplaces, my mortgage, my children, etc. I’m not sure if it subtly influenced her attitude toward me, but it certainly made me feel better to remind myself that I wasn’t who she said I was.

    For what it’s worth, I switched careers just shy of my 30th birthday. Since then, my tenure at jobs as been 7.5 years, less than 2 years, 6 years, and my current job is in its 4th year and going strong. Guess which one this job was.

  39. mreasy*

    I suspect she is having issues with her own age and doesn’t want to acknowledge that people so much younger than her could already be mid-career! That doesn’t make this okay, but maybe it makes it more understandable.

    1. Zelda*

      This, or she has tense relationships with her actual children, who think they know everything, and she is projecting more than the Cinema 30.

    1. Sleeve McQueen*

      Especially if she’s Gen X. My kids know to call me boomer if they really want to land a punch:)

    2. Art of the Spiel*

      I’m a boomer, and I wanted to scream the same thing!! How annoying this person must be.

  41. Ann*

    Oh the rage a female manager talks to me (also female) like I am her child, or when a female manager says only she can understand/empathize something because she has kids and we do not…

  42. Sleeve McQueen*

    In a former life, I was a TV critic, so I used to regularly go on radio shows to discuss what was happening on TV. One radio announcer constantly said things like “you wouldn’t remember x show because you’re too young”. It used to drive me bonkers because it felt like it undermined my credibility. Obviously, I am passionate about TV, I’m aware of its history. Also, I’m Gen X it was a monoculture. Trust me, we saw the TV you grew up on. So one day I did do the Chandler-esque “They have these things called reruns now, perhaps you’ve heard of them?”

  43. Art of the Spiel*

    How on earth is this person both old enough to be displaying Silent Gen age-related hierarchy beliefs, and young enough to have children in high school?

  44. Former Steward*

    If your organization is unionized, is there a labor management committee or something similar? It is common for unions and management to meet and discuss workplace issues, even issues outside of the contract. The union can bring it up to management as an issue that is impacting employee morale, that way the complaint has a bit more weight behind it.

  45. Raida*

    God, she sounds exhausting!

    I concur, finding a new job is the way to go.

    Overall, not letting comments like this go by in the first instance would have been ‘sensitive’ and ‘pedantic’ but, when knowing it’d be seen that way, could have been delivered with a very controlled manner of “I don’t think you should use words you don’t understand but feel free to make yourself look ignorant, no skin of my nose” lounging vibe.
    Rude? Yes. Accurate? Yes. And realistically mostly effective when it’s a wide group calling them out every time they are *wrong* rather than one or two people, neither of which are in the C-suite.

    There are only two things I see making a change:
    1) they are given feedback up the chain that the comments are condescending, ignorant, rude, insulting, and bad for morale. This comes up the chain from several areas, continually, creating a critical mass for others at her level to *notice* (and possibly balls up the response)
    2) a new manager comes in, hears their staff doesn’t like this, and has a private meeting along the lines of “If you have a problem with my team you talk to me. I will not be hearing any more of these comments, will I. Will I.” and in the face of a truly strong manager pushing back she calm down on it

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