Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I lied on my resume about where I went to school

I’ve been a longtime reader and I credit you for helping me get my current job (I’ve been in this role for about three years). With that said, I did not heed your advice and lied on my resume. Specifically, I lied about where I went to school when I applied for a prestigious company looking to fill a role that’s rarely open. The company hires people from top-caliber schools and I thought swapping the name of my college would help me get my foot in the door.

Of course, I didn’t plan the follow-up because the company’s already called me in for a phone interview and a series of in-person interviews with key players in the department. My interaction with the team has reinforced my confidence in wanting the job and guilt about lying where I attended college (at least two people have remarked what a wonderful place it is, so it hasn’t gone unnoticed).

My HR contact just reached out to me and asked me to complete a Taleo application and–again– it prompts me to fill in my education credentials. Now that I’m in the final stages of consideration, I’m terrified of the background check revealing the lie and losing this job over it. Also, in all of the consent and release statements I’ve signed for the company, they only mention they will be performing work history verification.

If I completed the Taleo application with the college I received my bachelor’s and not the college I listed on my resume, do you think it will go unnoticed?

Honestly, at this point, the best thing you could do would be to withdraw from consideration from the job. There’s a very good chance that it will be noticed, and even worse, it might not be noticed until after you’ve already been working there for a while — meaning that you could end up getting fired from this job in a way that would be very damaging to your reputation. It also means that the whole time you work there, you’d need to fear it coming out — which it easily could, since people are already trying to talk to you about what they believe are your shared experiences at that school.

I’m sure you’ve already figured out the flaw in your logic here, but just in case: If this company cares so much about where you went to school that it would be a factor in getting you in the door, then lying about it means that you’d be lying about something that they pay particular attention to.

But even if that weren’t true, companies that don’t care that much about where you went to school generally still care a great deal about lying. If it comes out, you’ll have done really serious harm to your reputation not only with them, but potentially with others too (because people move around to other companies and they remember stuff like this).

You made a mistake here. The only way to fix it is to take ownership for it, which means accepting that this job can’t be an option for you anymore.

2. My coworker won’t stop her unending flood of words

I’ve been at my current job for about a year now and I really do like it! However, a few months after I was hired, a new receptionist was hired. Our offices are joined by a small copy room, which didn’t really seem like a big deal to me. But little did I know that she would literally never stop talking. She even has loud conversations with herself.

Aside from it being incredibly distracting, it is frustrating. She constantly asks questions (which is totally fine with me) but doesn’t accept the answer, even if I say, “I don’t know, but this person definitely will. Let’s ask when they come in.” She pushes me to give an answer anyway, and this goes on until I say, “Look, I have to get this paperwork done. We will talk about this some other time.” If I do answer, she can’t accept the answer and I have to go to the manager with her so they can tell her word for word what I just said, and then it’s okay. It’s getting to the point that I just keep my door closed all day every day, which makes me not as accessible to the people who actually need me (they think I’m on a call or in a meeting) and she just busts in whenever it suits her anyway.

I need some help setting up some boundaries with her. I’ve tried, but she gets offended easily, so I’m delicate about it but it’s just not working.

If she’s unreasonable — and it sounds like she is — she might be offended no matter how you say it. Your idea of success here can’t be “we discuss this and she’s not offended,” because that puts the outcome totally outside of your control. Instead, I think you need to be okay with the idea that she might be offended, but that as long as you approach this professionally and politely, that’s on her, not on you.

I would say this: “Jane, I’m finding it very hard to focus when you talk to yourself, and when you ask me questions so frequently. I’m willing to occasionally answer questions if you need me, but I need to be able to return my focus to my work — which means that I can’t debate the answer I give you or go back and forth about it a bunch. If that doesn’t work for you, it would be better to check with someone else instead.” (And on that last point — is it your job to be answering all her questions? If not, I might skip that last point and just tell her that you need to focus and can’t be her point person for questions anymore.) From then on, stick to it and be willing to speak up when her behavior is causing problems — as in, “Hey, could you keep it down out there?” and “I’m sorry, I’m on deadline and can’t help.”

But if this doesn’t solve it, you should talk to her boss. A decent manager would want to know this is happening and would want to intervene.

Alternately or in addition, you might also explain what’s going on to your own boss and ask if she has any problem with you keeping your door closed more often. It might be that you can solve this with a closed door and a sign that says “feel free to knock if you need me” (and a discreet heads-up to the people who come to your office most often about how to interpret the closed door).

3. VP is mandating over-use of email lists

We recently got an email from a vice president in our company (about 1,000 employees globally) that said: “It is very important for all points of contact and project members to use internal email alias when sending any internal email, from the first day. These projects are very critical for our business and over-communication is good. Email aliases ensure all project members are fully aware of what is going on, and it is easier to filter/group/prioritize emails in Google email.”

This VP has told me candidly that he receives about 100 emails per day, if not more, and he cannot keep up with all of them. I personally am on one distribution list for a project that I don’t really work on, and my inbox gets cluttered with emails that I mostly ignore. Even if I were actively engaged in the project, only about 10% of the emails would be relevant to me.

The idea that “over-communication is good” and distribution lists help “ensure all project members are fully aware of what is going on” seems like a stretch to me. Any thoughts? Advice on email distribution list policy?

It’s true that when you need to communicate with a whole project group, it can be helpful to use a distribution list for the reasons your VP mentions, like making it easier for people to filter messages to the right place. But he’s over-applying that principle where it doesn’t belong, because generally not every group member needs to be included on every single message related to a project. And if he mandates that they must be, that’s just going to make people more likely to miss important emails because it’ll be harder to pick them out from the flood of unimportant ones. It’s a bad idea.

If there’s a specific problem (like lack of clarity about who needs to be included on what), he should address it specifically, not make blanket rules that will make things less efficient overall.

4. Am I obligated to hire these internal applicants?

I’m a manager in charge of two permanent employees and three temps. Before I came to the agency, these temps were contracted employees and were encouraged to make the switch to a temp agency because there would be two positions opening and their contracts were ending. So, basically, three people were all promised permanent positions when, at the time, there were only two openings. Fast forward — I’m hired as the manager and tasked with filling these two positions and have been told that we could hire a third person, too. Am I obligated to give these temps the spots?

They’re *fine* at their jobs, but one especially has had issues with performance in the past. I feel I was put up against a wall because it was indicated the positions were theirs by my supervisor. The same person who put the task of hiring people on me (which I don’t mind in the slightest, but I want to do the department justice — not just give the jobs to people because they’re already here). All this being said, the job was posted externally and there are at least a few potential applicants who should be given a chance.

Ooof. In general, no, you’re definitely not obligated to hire them. This is a little more complicated because they were told the jobs were theirs and may have made decisions accordingly (like turning down other jobs). So I’d want to find out exactly what was said to them — how firm those promises were. If you find out they weren’t absolute commitments, you can move forward with less guilt. If they were pretty firm promises, you still aren’t obligated to hire someone who’s struggling … but if that’s the case, you’d want to have a really open conversation with them about the situation, ensure they’re being given feedback, give them as much cushion as possible in terms of notice if their position is going to end, etc.

5. Should managers have to work weekends and holidays when other people do?

Should bosses work weekends and holidays? Ever? At my job they seem to have a lot of expectations of us as far as holidays but never work them! I know there are benefits to moving up in the food chain, like more money and extra vacation, but this just seems a little much. Fewer holidays or weekends is different than none!

It really varies by field and depends on the context and what expectations are set up. It’s not inherently unreasonable for a manager to hire people to cover the weekends and holidays so that she doesn’t have to, as long as (a) it’s made clear to people during the hiring process that they’ll be expected to work those days, and (b) things are set up so that the absence of a manager doesn’t cause major problems during the times they’re not around.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Giving a job interviewer a free sample from my Etsy shop

I went on an interview last Thursday that went well. When a question came up about personal success, not work related, I mentioned my love for beading and my shop success on Etsy due to my excellent customer service and genuine care and concern for the quality and customer satisfaction of my product. My interviewer said, “Oh, that’s great!” After the interview, she asked if I would like to stay and sit with another employee to see how a typical case is built, etc. I said yes and as we were walking to the front desk, she was quite interested in what kind of jewelry I made and what a cha cha bracelet was! Afterwards, she came and took me back to her office, where she asked if I had any other questions, and then there was small talk about our kids, her daughter, and country life. After that, she mentioned she had another interview but I would definitely hear from her no later than Friday of next week, and she gave me her card. Later that evening, I sent a thank-you letter by email expressing how impressed I was at the entire experience and how excited I am at the possibility of coming aboard.

So now, my craft is the issue. I love making charm bracelets for little girls. Most parents can only find them handmade if they want a good one. And the interviewer not knowing what a cha cha bracelet was really stood out, and I really want to send one for her daughter. Is that out of line? Considering it’s a kind gesture, not looking for kudos points in getting the job, but that could be potential for a new customer…a sample, so to speak. The rock is that this is someone I want to hire me for a job, and the hard place is I always give a sample bracelet to people I meet who have little girls. At my last employer, all of my coworkers with daughters/grandaughters got a cha cha bracelet from me as a random gift/sample at some point in my crafting life. It did me good to see how excited they were that I even thought of them! And it normally ended up with them wanting something else, or their friends/family wanting one for their daughter, etc. At the same time though, I do hope that the gesture gives her a better idea of the kind of person I am. I’m always giving!

My thoughts now are, either I can wait until I am offered the position and hired, then do it, or do it now in hopes that it actually does help. It’s almost as if I’m looking at it as something I’m going to do, but I’m weighing my options on the benefit of the timing, if any. I don’t want to appear to be creepy or kissing up for the position, but I look at it as she was someone who showed interest in my craft, and its always been common for me to give a sample to anyone who seems interested in what I do. So the question is, is that awkward in the same manner as sending a bouquet of flowers or a fruit basket? Should I turn off that giving side of my personality until I get a decision for the sake of not looking desperate and weird?

Don’t do it. It’s a kind impulse, but it’s too outside of normal interviewing conventions and it does risk coming across as attempting to curry favor inappropriately. It’s also not quite appropriate to treat your interviewer like a potential customer for your Etsy business; that’s just not the right use of the time and the relationship.

I get that this is something you’d normally do in other circumstances, but these aren’t other circumstances and you have to adapt your normal behavior accordingly.

If you get the job, once you’re already working there, you could certainly give her a bracelet for her daughter at that point. But don’t do it before then.

2. Who owns a checklist I created at work to do my job better?

I have been working for a real estate brokerage for the past three years. When I was first hired, I was given a checklist of items required to complete a real estate transaction. It was vague and did not include much information about how to get the information required. Over the past three years, I have created a streamlined, detailed checklist that has grown from one page to over six pages. It includes compliance notes/reminders, as well as lines for dates, etc.

This past January, with the broker’s encouragement, I have started a company handling transactions for other agents outside of my brokerage. I use the checklist I created in-house for my company clients. My broker gets a percentage of each transaction as I am working for my company on his time (I am salaried).

My broker and I have decided to hire a software designer to create an online process management tool (using my checklist). We wanted to create it originally for our own use, but it will definitely be marketable in the future – to other brokerage firms.

The main question – who owns the checklist? Is it my checklist as it was something I created to keep myself on track per transaction? Is it the brokers checklist because I created it to complete work for the company and do my job well? Also, how do I protect myself if it truly is my checklist? If it is my checklist and we use the checklist for the software, I would be entitled to a percentage of that future sale/income. I have been looking at intellectual ownership and trademarking but this checklist evolves frequently.

Your employer owns it. You created it on the job, during work time, as part of doing your job — as part of the “scope of your employment,” as the law puts it. There are lots of things that people take the initiative to do as part of their work (i.e., no one specifically told them to do it), but if it’s part of the work you’re doing for your employer, it’s work that they own.

3. I was rejected because the hiring manager thought I wanted her job

I interviewed for an excellent job as a marketing manager that I was eminently qualified for. I put in significant time and effort into the interview and was really happy with my performance. I was told to expect a follow-up from the EVP of marketing or HR within a week, but nothing came. I assumed I didn’t get the job and moved on.

About a month after our meeting, I received an email from a recruiter at the organization who told me that due to my education (MBA candidate) and age (31), the EVP of marketing felt that I was simply after her position and they moved on with another candidate. I was floored. The job posting requested someone with an MBA and 3-5 years of experience in a specific field of marketing, including fluent knowledge of a particular second language. How was I “overqualified” and should I have done anything with the email from the recruiter? I’ve never experienced anything like this and am not sure how to process it.

They may have just meant they thought you were really more interested in the higher level job and wouldn’t be satisfied for long with the one you were applying for, rather than that you were truly gunning for the EVP’s job. Sometimes that impression can stem from your background and experience, but sometimes it can stem from the type of questions you asked in the interview — or even a miscommunication about what the role is all about.

I wouldn’t dwell too long on it. People get rejected for all sorts of reasons, sometimes accurate and sometimes not. Hiring is about making relatively quick judgments about people, and there’s not a 100% accuracy rate when you do that. I’d jut let the recruiter know that in fact you were really enthusiastic about the marketing manager role itself but that you’d love to talk in the future if another possible match comes up, and then move on.

4. Mentioning personal circumstances during a performance review

I have a question regarding performance reviews and whether to discuss personal information. I’m finishing up my first year at a new job and will soon have my first performance review. I haven’t had a formal performance review at any job prior to this, and I’m not quite sure how I should approach it. Are the “rules” the same as in a job interview? Or can you be more up-front because your manager knows you and your work?

The reason I ask is that it’s been a tough year. I started this job when I was pregnant, so I’ve had to get back in the swing of things after maternity leave and am also dealing with the frequent interruptions that pumping breastmilk at work brings. Even though she is located remotely from me, my manager is aware of both these facts (I needed her to sign paperwork for my leave and access to the lactation room). Unfortunately, my child has had a lot of medical problems which my manager is also somewhat aware of. Our policy regarding office hours is usually rigid, but I sent her an email describing the medical problems in a nonspecific and abbreviated way and ask for additional flexibility so I can attend all the medical appointments. She granted the exception and seemed very understanding about it, perhaps because she’s also a mom.

Normally, I cringe at discussing medical information at work. But the pregnancy and the frequent changes to my schedule have made it impossible to just ignore this aspect of my personal life while at work. Also, I’m proud of all that I’ve accomplished this first year and I think my work record is good! Dealing with my child’s diagnosis has forced me to become a stronger, more resilient person and I’ve also seen an improvement of my work habits. I’ve gotten better at refocusing on a task quickly despite frequent interruptions (because of pumping), better at clearing my mind to focus on work and at keeping personal stress at bay in the workplace (despite scary and stressful medical tests hanging over my head). Since my manager is aware of these circumstances anyway, I thought it would be a positive to briefly acknowledge them and list the ways these things have reinforced my work habits. However, I don’t want to look unprofessional by discussing my personal life.

That’s totally fine to do and often makes sense in a situation like this. When something outside work has impacted things at work, it’s fine to acknowledge what the impact has been and how you’ve responded to it. In fact, from your manager’s standpoint, it’s probably useful to know that you’re aware of whatever impact it’s had and that you’ve actively worked to manage around it.

5. Clocking out when running a work errand

I work for a school in the kitchen, and occasionally I have to run to the store for food. I was told I have to clock out when I leave school grounds and then clock in when I return from the store and I use my own gas. Could you tell me if that is legal?

Assuming that they’re telling you to go to the store for food for them to serve (in other words, this is for work, not you just running out to get your own snacks), they’re legally required to pay you for that time. You’re doing something for your job; it’s work, and it needs to be on the clock.

In most states, they’re not required to reimburse you for your gas (there are some exceptions, like California), although a decent employer would do that anyway.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker keeps making gross bathroom joke

I’m recently out of college and still newish at my job, and I sit directly across from a mid-level man in (I think) his late 40s. Relevant background about him is that he’s an encyclopedia of groan-worthy dad jokes, and he believes that if a joke was funny once, it’ll stay funny forever, and he’ll repeat it whenever an opportunity even remotely presents itself. The problem is when this extends to jokes that weren’t ever funny, and especially when they’re about me.

The office bathrooms are located such that it’s obvious where we’re going if we’re headed in that direction, and whenever I return to my desk, he asks, “Everything come out alright??” in a not-so-quiet tone, often without even looking up from what he’s doing. It almost seems like a tic, or even a Pavlovian response, and he ONLY asks me that. This is of course very embarrassing, as I’d prefer to minimize the amount of attention drawn to my bathroom trips.

Is there a way I can ask him to stop that is (a) discreet, and (b) on record? I’d feel very uncomfortable asking him to never say that again in the moment, as the office can be fairly quiet, and I don’t want to make an awkward situation even more awkward. But, I also want it known (to him and higher-ups, at least) that I hate the comment and want it to stop.

What?! Who … why … I don’t even know how to comment on this.

But I do know what you should say to him: “That’s really gross. Can you stop asking me that?” Don’t smile or say it in a jokey tone. Say it seriously, and it’s okay to sound irked; this is a thing you get to be audibly irked about.

And I wouldn’t worrying at all about people overhearing you say it. If they can overhear you, then they can overhear him too and they’ll fully understand why you’re shutting it down. They’ve probably been cringing every time they hear it and will be silently cheering you for telling him to cut it out.

I don’t think you need to get this on any kind of official record or get higher-ups involved. It’s something you can handle yourself by telling him directly to stop. If it continues after that, tell him to stop more firmly (“Bob, I told you to stop saying that to me, and I need you to cut it out”). If he’s so committed to this gross line that he continues even after that, then you could ask his boss to deal with him — but you’ll want to be able to say you told him directly first.

2. Manager took pay cut to protect our benefits and bonuses

I know you have said that gifts should go down and not up. I (and my colleagues) have a question about whether or not there are exceptions to this. Last fall, the owner of the company I worked for announced that our benefits were going to be cut and there would be no annual (Christmas) bonuses either, even though he had bought a new vacation home and a new car a month before. He had always been cheap but naturally everyone was upset, angry, and worried. Two weeks later, he announced that things would stay the same with the benefits and bonuses. We figured he had a change of heart.

He didn’t. The office manager and second-in-command from him took a 50% pay cut and gave up her own benefits so that there would be money for our benefits and bonuses. She never said a word to any of us, and we only found out because the new owner (who is much better) let it slip in a meeting that there would be no more pay cuts for benefits and then elaborated when he realized no one knew what he was talking about. The office manager doesn’t know that we know and no one has said anything to her. We want to do something to thank her, but I and my colleagues who read your blog know what you say about gifts going up. This feels like an exception to the rule. She isn’t wealthy and had to move to a smaller apartment to be able to afford what she did. We are wondering if this is a case where a gift going up is appropriate or not?

Wow. Yes, I think it’s an exception. She did something that wasn’t just merely generous and kind, but came at real sacrifice to herself in order to help the rest of you (and without anyone even knowing). If you all wanted to band together to get her something thoughtful, I say go for it.

3. I thought my time off for my wedding was approved — but maybe not

I work in the entertainment industry and was hired on a movie for the next 18 months. Before I even interviewed for the job, I told the line producer, who I’ve worked with before, through text that I was getting married in September 2017 and I needed three weeks off. No exceptions. Wasn’t interested in job if they wouldn’t give me the time off. She said it would be no problem.

I started the new job two weeks ago and was told that she didn’t tell the producer, who I now realize is the one in charge. She said she didn’t want to jeopardize her hiring me and told me to wait till January to tell her. My wedding is a over a year away now and I’m not sure how to handle it. Should I tell the producer now? And how do I tell the producer without throwing the line producer under the bus or making myself look really bad? It’s a very small team and don’t want the producer to doubt her team. I’m feeling very stressed. Not a good way to start a new project. Any thoughts?

What the hell? If she thinks it could have been an issue to tell the producer earlier, that’s all the more reason for her to have checked — since you don’t want the job if it does turn out to be an issue. Ideally, you’d say this to her now: “I appreciate your trying to look out for me, but this actually may have put me in a bad situation. I wouldn’t have accepted the job if I didn’t think that the time off had already been approved. Now I’m in a situation where I have to worry that it may not be, which is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Can you please clear this with her now, so that I can be confident that our original agreement is in effect?”

Alternately, you could go to the producer and say, “I had talked with Jane about this before accepting the job and thought it had been approved, but it sounds now like that may not be the case.” That’s not going to make you look bad, and it’s not quite throwing Jane under the bus (although, frankly, that wouldn’t be undeserved — she did something crappy to both you and the producer by creating the situation).

4. Will staying in retail for a year or two after graduating hurt my job search later?

Do long stays in low-level retail positions look strange on a resume? I’m still working at my first job (in a large national grocery chain), and I’m officially a cashier, though I alternate among four or five different departments. Nobody raised an eyebrow at it while I was still in college, but now I’m done with school for the foreseeable future (I got an associate’s degree and a professional certification in the healthcare field), and everybody’s starting to ask when I’ll be moving on.

I don’t mind their asking, but it’s made me start to wonder if future potential employers will think it’s odd if I stay at my current job for a while — say, a year or two more? — before trying to find a position in healthcare. I actually really LIKE this job: my coworkers are mostly wonderful, the schedule suits me well, the work is stressful but satisfying, and I feel very appreciated. Plus, I have a probable promotion to department manager coming up. (Not a huge deal in retail, I know, but I’m excited!) I don’t want to leave this job right now, but if staying might affect my chances of getting a different job in the future, I think I need to factor that in. Do you have any thoughts on it?

Well, yeah, you might be impacting your future job search if you wait. It’s less about having a long stay in your retail job and more about the fact that waiting to move into your new field after graduating will put you at a disadvantage.

Right now, you’re a fresh new grad, and there are a bunch of positions looking for people with your profile. But if you let a couple of years go by before you start looking in your field, you won’t be a freshly minted grad anymore, and you’re going to be competing with people who are. You’ll raise questions about why you didn’t seek work in the field you went to school for, and you risk employers thinking your education is a little stale without relevant work experience to keep your knowledge sharp.

5. When should I alert my references that they might be contacted?

I’m a recent college graduate and have been job-hunting for entry level positions. I’ve lately been looking into applying at local government and nonprofit jobs. Sometimes they’ll ask for a list of references as part of my application. I have past supervisors who I’ve asked permission from before and am sure they’d put a good word in for me if I gave them a heads-up. But if employers ask for references in the initial application, when is the appropriate time to alert my contacts? Once I apply? After I’m guaranteed that I’ll be interviewed?

Even when employers ask for references up-front, they typically don’t contact them until later stages of the process (since checking references is time-consuming and it doesn’t make sense to spend time on it until you’ve interviewed someone and determined they’re a finalist). So in general, you should be fine waiting until after you’ve interviewed and appear to still be in the running.

That said, if your job hunting activity is likely to be condensed into one overall time period (say, a few months), it’s usually fine to just give your references one general heads-up at the start of the process, rather than alerting them every single time an individual job might contact them. (Although there can be reasons to do it anyway, like if you want to prep them to focus specifically on skill X for job Y or something like that.)