where are you now? (a call for updates)

At the end of each year, I publish a slew of “where are they now” updates from people whose questions I answered here in the past. Last year we had several hundred and it was amazing. So…

If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? Leave no juicy detail out! I’ll post updates as they come in. (Don’t post them here though; email them to me.)

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

Posted in Uncategorized

{ 385 comments… read them below }

  1. LaSalleUGirl*

    Is it weird that my brain starting singing “It’s the moooooost wonderful tiiiiiiiime of the yeeeeeeear!” when I start this post? I love updates so much.

    1. AK*

      I just sent the link from the original and the update to a few people this week, it’s always a good one to use as an intro to AAM. I do wish we could get an update from THAT ghost, I wonder if with a little more time and distance he felt any differently about the situation. Although, he’d had time and distance from the original ghosting and still played the “crazy ex girlfriend” card in his first letter, so I might be asking too much.

      1. Snickerdoodle*

        Yeah, he didn’t seem to have learned a thing; I suspect people who call their exes crazy never really change. I bet a lot of the people complaining about “crazy exes” also complain about horrible jobs rather than admit to being crappy employees.

    2. Elizabeth Proctor*

      Thank you for sharing this update! I just discovered the original post last week, so am happy to know there was a follow-up.

    3. Autumnheart*

      I didn’t know that one had an update, and just spent a couple hours marinating in the schadenfreude. That guy really took it to 11 with the expectation that his reputation and advancement are more important than literally anything else. He moved out without notice, told everyone his ex was a psycho, got a job in another country, and when the ex got the director position and he was confronted with the effects of his past behavior, he gets really angry that…everyone just didn’t automatically take his word for everything, and support him over the ex.

      Well, with that attitude, he’ll have a great career ahead of him on the Supreme Court, but everywhere else…not so much.

      1. AK*

        The part that killed me was that he blamed her for the board chair getting involved after he was the one who had emailed HR. I’m sure he didn’t include all details of the cya measures they’d proposed, but what he did mention sounded pretty reasonable!

        1. Snickerdoodle*

          Somebody in the comments on that update said something like “Yeah, it sucks when people do something ridiculous and extreme rather than just have a direct conversation, doesn’t it?” It was beautiful.

  2. Detective Amy Santiago*

    my coworker signed me up for a racist organization
    my office does fat friday and I have an eating disorder
    my husband’s boss/our friend is sleeping with their married department head
    my office has a mandatory feelings chart
    new employer says I can’t wear my wedding ring
    our group member has a fragrance sensitivity
    my coworker brings her five kids to our meetings
    organizing an all men beach weekend
    my boss kept calling my wife to find me
    someone spends an hour a day putting on makeup

    and of course – JANE HAS LOST HER MIND

    1. LadyPhoenix*

      There was an update on the All Male Beach Weekend right in those comments: he cancelled it, whined about PC culture and blah blah blah, and claimed the wives wouldn’t approve because single women are seductresses or some bs.

      1. Jamie Hegge*

        Ooooooh, is that what happened?? Some people are just oblivious and will remain so no matter what help/advice they get that is contrary to what they want…

      2. ElspethGC*

        Can you find it? I searched for “beach weekend” and the only one that came up was the original. I don’t think I’ve seen the update.

          1. ElspethGC*

            Ah, thanks. Yep, I remember that dumpster fire of a comment thread now. Rereading it, because *yikes*.

        1. Antilles*

          It’s in the comments of the original post. He replied under the name “Beach Poster”.
          And hoo boy; I don’t like piling on to LWs when they provide updates or reply to comments, but his response seemed like he clearly wasn’t listening to the points made by either Alison or the commentariat.

            1. LadyPhoenix*

              He was mad that people called out his obvious sexism instead of seeing things “his way”… so he tried the whole “male matyr” act.

              Too many dudes pull that that I just give up and call them terrible.

          1. GingerHR*

            Wow, I never saw his response. I kind of wish I hadn’t, it does reduce faith in human nature.

          2. SusanIvanova*

            He really wanted to send his question to That Bad Advisor, who took letters from advice columns and snarkily gave people the “advice” they were really trolling for.

      3. Bowserkitty*

        As someone who was away from the blog for a couple of years it’s been amazing catching up with everything, I can’t believe I missed this one in its entirety! Thanks!

          1. Jadelyn*

            If it’s any consolation, I forgot too. My jaw is on the floor all over again after rereading it to refresh my memory.

        1. Laurelma01*

          What type of crazy would you call her? Was wanting to say Monkey crazy for some reason, might be a insult to a monkey.

          Wonder if she’s still working there?

      1. Anonysand*

        If I’m not mistaken, wasn’t that the one where the lady was taking nude photographs in the doctor’s office where she worked and then posting them online?

    2. Mandatory feelings chart*

      I’m the mandatory feelings chart person. I don’t really have anything interesting to share. As I’ve had a bit going on in my personal life I decided it would be better for my emotional health to not be creating drama at work. I moved my sticker somewhere inconspicuous and started ignoring it. Thankfully our team has been too busy to spend much time on the chart

      1. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

        That’s a really good attitude to have. Thank you for this update. It’s a good reminder that quietly putting aside a problem can be more effective. Save your energy for the battles you need to fight. Hope things are going better for you now.

      2. Amelia*

        Hey, thank you for updating. I am glad you’re not being hassled about this anymore and I hope the people who thought this up don’t come up with any more inappropriate bright ideas.

  3. AK*

    It might be too recent to expect an update but I’m dying to know what happens with the LW whose coworker is keeping the notebook.

    1. Liane*

      We have had updates shortly after publication, so there’s hope & I want to hear this one as well.

    2. Jenna Maroney*

      Removed because of sock puppetry. To address your point: I am only seeing those comments today and haven’t had time to fully read them yet. It’s odd to assume I see every comment here; I do not.

      1. Huh?*

        What is sock puppetry? I must live under a rock, because I have never heard this term, aside from the literal sock puppet my brother made me for my 3rd birthday.
        Why is it against the rules?

        1. KB*

          Sock puppetry is creating multiple accounts that are used only to agree with or echo the OP’s original comments. Generally the wording used is identical or near enough that it’s obvious (and if ISPs are recorded, it’s really obvious!).

        2. Akcipitrokulo*

          What KB said – can also be used to try to sidestep a ban by creating a fake account (a sock-puppet acccount) to rejoin.

    3. many bells down*

      I actually kept a notebook on a co-worker once, but I was told to record stuff while Big Boss was away and I was temporarily in charge. And she caused a problem every single day Big Boss was gone, so the notebook became 95% about her. She even tried to steal it at one point but the bookkeeper had hidden it in her locked desk for me.

      1. jk*

        I’ve kept notebooks on an office manager and a VP once. Recording bullying incidents for me and other staff. Good to have a record of it. Sad to have to do.

  4. AnonForObviousReasons*

    I mean, it’s a long-shot, but I’ve always wanted to know what happened to the manager who wanted to tell her top performer (who was also a foster child and had worked at the company for six years) that it was unprofessional for her to quit without notice when the boss denied her 2-hour leave request to attend her own graduation. Would love to know what the manager thought of the feedback they got on this site. Might be unlikely, though, hah.

    1. Zee Panda*

      That one has haunted me ever since I saw it. I really, really want to believe that the top performer is in a job where they genuinely appreciate her in the way she deserves. I also really, really want to believe that the manager has faced an entire world of hurt for her actions and has learned from them and become humble and respectful.

      1. SheLooksFamiliar*

        Likewise. The manager’s behavior was so far beyond awful and I couldn’t help but hope that karma paid them several visits.

      2. The Original K.*

        I always want an update on that one. That boss makes me so angry whenever I think about it. I really hope the employee is thriving and at the absolute very least, the manager was seriously chastened after reading the hundreds of comments calling her out.

    2. Sabine the Very Mean*

      This is the letter that got me into AAM. I loved it; I loved Alison’s response; I have been dying to hear from the person who wrote it and the employee.

      I just had it in my head that the OP seemed like the type who would genuinely learn from this experience. Something in the way s/he wrote it.

      Alison said she didn’t think we’d get an update as they were eviscerated in the comments but I don’t know if she has actually reached out to the person.

        1. Nervous Accountant*

          Did the employee in that letter ever reach out? If it went viral I can’t imsgine that person (or someone who knows them) wouldn’t have stumbled upon it

    3. By and by, I come*

      The first time I read it, I hoped people didn’t think it was fake because the situation with the coworkers not wanting to cover for the future graduate but then deciding to swap shifts with their friends after was so real it hurt. The manager was an ass, but the response by the coworkers pissed me off just as much. I’m so glad she quit.

    4. sheworkshardforthemoney*

      That was the very first AAM that I read, it was breathtaking in the tone deafness of the manager.

      1. Jadelyn*

        I think what took it from “Wow, you’re being a jerk” to “Holy shit, what are you thinking, you maniac?” was the fact that she wanted to contact the former employee to f*cking SCOLD HER for quitting like that! It’s just so stunningly wrongheaded that it’s hard to wrap one’s brain around someone actually thinking like that.

        1. Marthooh*

          “Even though she doesn’t work here any longer, I want to reach out and tell her that mind blip.”
          – Wait what?
          “Even though she doesn’t work here any longer, I want to reach out and tell her that mind blip.”
          – …tell her that you apologize? You’re sorry now?
          “Even though she doesn’t work here any longer, I want to reach out and tell her that quitting without notice because she didn’t get her way isn’t exactly professional.”
          – Nooooooooooo… *the sound of all Marthooh’s faith on humanity being crushed*

  5. Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins*

    I know we have had several updates, but I always start thinking about person who was surviving on cupcakes from the office kitchen around this time of year. I hope she is still doing well.

    1. Not Australian*

      She’s pretty great about checking in – but if you see this, cupcake OP, please take it as another vote for an update!

      1. Girl with the yellow umbrella*

        This is the story that got me into AAM. Loved both updates so much because they completely restored my faith in humanity, I really hope that woman is still doing well!

  6. Sherm*

    So, so many. But the ones I can think of right now are:

    –The guy who was too hungover to effectively interview people at a remote location, then drove dangerously the way back
    –The poor librarian who had a horrible stalker
    –The boss who was having her own duck club at work
    –The bad acid deal, the abusive boyfriend, and the threatening coworker

  7. Someone101*

    I would really like to hear from KFOX in regards to her letter where she didn’t get a job because she was a bully in high school. I know she sent in an update where her life had fallen apart and she had a public meltdown when she bumped into rockstar. I just want to know if she’s doing better now. Not to minimise what she did to rockstar in highschool, but now that the universe has balanced that out I hope she had a fresh start and turned her life around.

      1. VWAndrea*

        Yes, this is what I came here to request! She was edging into “professional victim” mode with her last update, but it would be great to learn that she’s turned things around, or started to.

        The other thing I always wondered about that story was whether she had actually followed the classmate to the restaurant where they had the drunken confrontation. My radar pinged because she said the classmate was celebrating her anniversary and…. how did she know that? The last time she’d seen that classmate, the classmate had turned and run- but this time their encounter started out with “it’s our anniversary” small talk and THEN evolved into screaming? I wondered if she had discovered from her Twitter surveillance that the classmate was going to the restaurant and was spoiling for a fight. Anyway….clearly this is one that stuck with me (and others!)- hope for an update!

        1. Someone101*

          Completely agree! I would read the update and commentary and think ‘oh OP no! Stay away from rockstars’ twitter your just winding yourself up even more’ lol! I just love it when people see the error of their ways and turn things around!

      1. Someone101*


        Just run search for the update afterwards! To save you going through all the comments OP said that she lived near rockstar (RS) and perhaps RS thought they were closer friends than what OP did. Then OP started dating the guy that RS liked and their friendship group all turned on her. There was a lot of debate about how intentional it all was and the AAM community was quite split! Half thought that OP was malicious and a proper Regina George and the other half thought it was just typical teenage drama and everything feels a thousand times worse at that age. Anyway! That should prep you for the update

  8. CynicallySweet7*

    Not sure if it was from this year, but the one where the lady was fired for being insubordinate, but thought she did everything right! (People were saying it wasn’t real, but if it was I WANNA KNOW!)

      1. Detective Amy Santiago*

        I’m not sure if this is the same one that CynicallySweet is referring to, but I think it was the one where the person registered themselves for a conference and got kicked out and fired.

    1. AK*

      YIKES. I just sent that one to my direct reports, both as an “oh man isn’t this a lot” and a not so subtle “don’t do this EVER”

  9. Antilles*

    A few I’ve been wondering about:
    >Sick Co-worker Can’t Work Alone – just so oddball that I want to hear how management handled it
    >The bad acid deal, abusive boyfriend, threatening co-worker – I know the OP wasn’t directly involved in the situation so the update might be “I have no idea”, but worth asking right?
    >How can I brace myself for toxic new job? – Just wondering if the new job really turned out as bad as it was rumored/expected.
    >Angry Boss Writing Angry Emails – Like, there’s no way this boss has chilled out since July is there? There’s gotta be another bonkers email out there!
    >I have too many ideas for my boss – Just wondering how this worked out, I always find it interesting seeing how people adapt to new leadership with new styles

    1. Hills to Die on*

      I will always hold out hope for the one where the boss insisted that the staff donates for his brother’s liver transplant or they would be fired.

  10. BadWolf*

    Update even if you think your update seems boring. Non-drama updates are interesting in different ways.

    1. Antilles*

      The updates are legitimately one of the best things about AAM – getting to see how the advice worked, how things have progressed, etc.

    2. Myrin*

      Yes, I really love even updates that are just something like “my situation wasn’t that exciting to begin with and then everything just gradually dissolved anyway” – it brings a nice bit of, hm, maybe “normalcy” to the situations.

      1. Detective Amy Santiago*

        We’ve definitely had multiple updates in certain situations.

        I would love another update from the LW whose boss was dating her father and they wanted her to go to couples therapy.

    3. Amber Rose*

      But my update is so boring it’s hardly worth writing in an email. “I was never able to use your advice but nothing happened anyway.” Do people really wanna read about that?

    4. Falling Diphthong*


      Usually life is low drama. I absolutely want to hear that your boss got over the thing with the chicken and things are now normal.

      I mean, if they lady who bit her coworker can write one, anyone can.

    5. Lissa*

      Last year a few people commented on all the updates that weren’t Big Dramatic Finish with something like “ugh this is boring, why did Alison post this?” or “I hate updates” or something. I found that really sad and could see it being demoralizing for the people who didn’t have neatly tied up endings, or more drama. I hope people do update even if it’s “nothing changed” and that the people who felt the need to tell us how uninspiring they found it just keep on scrolling (like I do when I see a letter that i am convinced is fake)

      1. Stan Lee (not the famous one)*

        Maybe Alison could delete the posts that say nothing more than that? It’s one thing to have honest criticism along the lines of “I think you went about it the wrong way because [reason].” Those should should stay.

        But a comment that, to use Lissa’s examples, don’t say anything more than “ugh this is boring, why did Alison post this?” or “I hate updates?” They don’t offer anything constructive, they do more harm than good in the sense that they might discourage others from sending in updates, and they’re just not interesting to read! I don’t think anyone would miss them if they’re deleted.

        (And to whoever might comment “I hate updates” – then why are you reading the thread? There are plenty of other threads you might like, and there’s also the wonderful, wonderful “Surprise Me” and “Show me a random post” options.)

      2. Happy Lurker*

        Boo on the naysayers. The “boring” updates restore my faith in humanity and give me a little warmth. I can always use a nice little boring wrap up to keep my spirits up.

    6. I woke up like this*

      My favorite, absolute FAVORITE, updates are the “I followed Alison’s script, and everything worked out.” I love seeing how often being straight-forward and direct can solve a problem!

      1. Mimi Me*

        I also like those updates, but I also enjoy the “I couldn’t wait for Alison’s advice and got out but am working at nice, new job where nothing happens” updates too. I don’t necessarily need an update to the drama happening at the LW’s workplace, I just need to know that the LW is doing well.

  11. NewJobWendy*

    Explaining I was fired for ethical disobedience – the bald eagle rescuer!
    Also I’m curious about the outcome of the woman who was chastised for having menstrual pads visible in her car.

      1. Jadelyn*

        It genuinely made me want to help that person fill the entire backseat of their car with sex toys tbh. Big purple jelly glittery dildos and all. “Oh, you don’t like menstrual pads being visible? Don’t worry! I buried them under THIS ENORMOUS PILE OF D*CKS! :)”

  12. Blue Eagle*

    I have always wondered what happened to the woman whose co-worker framed her for financial improprieties because co-worker’s husband abusing her. The LW wrote in that the husband was fired (and maybe went to jail?), but we never heard what happened to the poor woman who was framed.

    1. Myrin*

      Yeah, that one broke my heart on so many levels. I really hope everyone is doing much better now and would love to know how everything turned out.

    2. Amber Rose*

      Me too. That whole situation was so sad, and I really hope that somehow things worked out for everyone.

  13. Amber Rose*

    I have been wondering if LW who was asked out by their boss’s daughter did go out with her, and how that all went. It started quite the debate in the comments.

  14. Myrin*

    This is very timely! Just a few hours ago, I was browsing old threads and found that I’d love an update to one letter from January this year about the coworker who “had an affair with a colleague’s husband, and now is treating her badly at work”; I know OP updated promptly in the comments but I’d love to know what happened eventually.

      1. Detective Amy Santiago*

        There was a different affair one recently – it’s the one I referenced in my list. Where the husband’s coworker was having an affair with someone at work and the wife knew.

    1. ThisIsNotWhoYouThinkItIs*

      I missed the update in the comments–thanks for mentioning it! Yes, I’d love an update on this one. I hope it worked out well!

    1. LadyPhoenix*

      This this THIIIS! If there is any justice in thos world, that cheating coworker would have been fired!

    2. Hallowflame*

      I was just re-reading this one this morning. I would love to know how this one turned out!

    3. Anypenny2312*

      This one definitely. I still think about this letter often and hope Angela got her justice comeuppance to benefit of Jane.

  15. Mrs. Fenris*

    I’d like an update from the person who had left her religion, and her boss knew her parent from that religion and was trying to bring her back into the fold. And the person whose office mate kept playing religious music.

  16. bumbletea*

    Wasn’t there a letter from someone whose coworker was sabotaging another colleague’s promotion after having an affair said colleague’s husband (who also worked for the company)? I would love to hear an update on that.

  17. The Cleaner*

    The LW who suspected that her coworker’s dead husband isn’t really dead because of things she saw on social media. Not knowing how this turned out is a burning empty void in my soul.

  18. Sabine the Very Mean*

    There was an update from a woman who called her boss’s daughter a whore. She said she learned so much from the overwhelming response she got from us and had to do a lot of soul-searching. But her update contained a very disturbing reference to sinners that Alison actually had to remove at our request. The reference was disturbing enough that I really thought she learned nothing at all.

    1. LadyPhoenix*

      I thibk the only thing that woman learned is to keep her judgements to herself and at home.

      I have no sympathy for her at all.

      1. Jadelyn*

        Agreed on both counts, but at least she hopefully learned that much. People can think what they want, as long as they keep it in their thick heads and don’t make it everyone else’s problem.

    2. ElspethGC*

      Yeah, I don’t think she learnt anything except “Don’t say my thoughts where people can hear them” – not that the thoughts weren’t okay in the first place. Ughhh. People like that stress me out and disturb me in equal measure.

      1. ElspethGC*

        No, just the reference. A single line, basically. I never saw it in-situ, but it’s quoted in one of the comments: “Despite what “liberal Christians” like to pretend, premarital sex and sexual deviancy are unequivocally condemned!” It sat side-by-side with her condemning the Christians who said her behaviour was un-Christian and “Read your Bibles.”

        It was removed because commenters pointed out that it’s clear homophobic language and shouldn’t be given a platform when it had nothing to do with the update in question.

        (I’m linking to the posts for the commenter below you if you want to read them, btw.)

  19. Zena*

    I’d love an update to the letter where the employee was being left out of office birthday celebrations because they have a leap year birthday! Although if I remember correctly it was the manager who wrote in, and got slammed pretty hard in the comments so i’m guessing they might feel too embarrassed to update.

    1. T. Boone Pickens*

      Oooohh yeah that was a doozy. I remember talking about that one with a couple of office mates and we thought it was pure insanity.

    2. Meyers and Briggs are not real doctors*

      My mom, a leap baby, went to the bar on her 18th birthday and ordered a beer (legal then). It was Feb 28. The bar tender said “I cant serve u til midnite.” My mom said “Listen here bud, at midnite it’ll be March and i was born in February!” And he served her!

  20. That Would be a Good Band Name*

    I know there have been a couple of updates already, but I’d love one more on the LW who had put $20,000 in personal charges on a company credit card. Just to see if things are still going well.

  21. Rutty*

    I’m curious about the coworker who had rage fits…it was on a podcast episode. It had been addressed by management but he hadn’t been “caught in the act” by them so they felt they couldn’t do much?

  22. Four lights*

    Sometimes letter writers put updates in the comments…is there a way to highlight those so if we’re reading we can easily see if someone replied?

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      No technical way to do it, unfortunately, so it would have to be done by me manually and I don’t always see them (because I don’t read all the comments on every post).

      1. Protocol Needed*

        It would help to have a protocol for the Name the poster chooses, so at least it would be easier to search for the comments from the poster. “OP” brings up too many hits, for example. If more leeway is desired for the base name, maybe appending ” – update” to any name would work. It’s frustrating to want to to concentrate on posts from the OP and having to give up because it’s so difficult.

        1. Protocol Needed*

          Another idea, which enlists the community as part of the solution.
          1. Alison asks that the OP start her letter with “Original poster here”.
          2. If anyone (the first anyone – this should be done only once per name) notices an OP’s post that does not include that phrase, she creates a post with it and gives the OP’s name. For short answers, it could be something like “Original poster here – LW1”. The exact words don’t matter as long as the phrase doesn’t bring up too many false positives.

          1. CynicallySweet7*

            +1 this is a great idea! I love the updates in the comments, but don’t usually have time to sort through the comments to find them!

      2. Yvette*

        I believe you contact them to let them know that their letter is being answered. Is there any way you could give them a “name” to respond with if they choose to respond and then put that in your response? Then we could use the search function in Chrome to find them. I mean if it is not too much work.

  23. Not That Kind of Lawyer*

    So many letters to choose from. The ones I want most:
    1. The boss who fired people who would not test to be a liver donor for his brother – I hope the OP made out alright,
    2. Whether the woman whose boss stole her caboose heirloom and gifted it to someone else managed to get it back or just let it go,
    3. An update from the letter writer whose co-worker is being treated unfairly because the boss had an affair with the coworker’s husband,
    4. “My employee helped a fired coworker get a job with her fiance and lied to me about it” – I just have to know if she rehired Meg,
    5. and finally, the woman whose boss kept invading her chemo treatments and had the co-worker fired for breaching confidentiality.
    So looking forward to all the updates.

    1. Linzava*

      Defiantly the boss who forced the employees to be tested as liver donors for his brother. That one stuck with me so much that occasionally search for an update for that one.

      1. Jen in oregon*

        Didn’t that one go viral? I want to say there was an update already, but hopefully the OP will have a further update.

    2. Moo*

      I’ve been reading the site for years but haven’t commented until recently – but I still search and search and wait for an update from that liver boss!! It’s driving me absolutely crazy that we don’t know what happened!

  24. Elizabeth Proctor*

    The business owner who had three months of no work for their employees (but seemed to be able to and wanted to keep paying them) and wanted to know what to do about it

    1. Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins*

      Yes, I am interested to see what the LW ended up doing. There were so many interesting suggestions on that one.

    2. Antilles*

      That’s a good one – it’s fantastic when “you don’t have a problem! be an awesome boss!” is a viable outcome.

  25. HL Holdings*

    I would LOVE to read an update from the person who said his co-worker was accused of racism but he knew she was not racist. I believe Allison said they had updated but she chose not to run it due to how ugly the comments got. I would love to read it even if she disabled comments.

    1. Myrin*

      That was Henry, I remember him! He seemed like such a reasonable and down-to-earth person and I was really taken aback by the turn the comments took (hadn’t expected it at all!), so I’d absolutely love to get an update from him, even though I totally understand if he said “well f*ck it” in response and walked away. Alison, is it true that you actually did get an update from him?

        1. Myrin*

          Aw, that’s a shame, albeit completely understandable. That comment section was indeed… wild.

          For what it’s worth, I’d also love to simply read the update without being able to comment, but I don’t know if that would add stress for you anyway, like, if people then contact you to be grumbly via email, or if you simply don’t wish to revisit that topic at all.

          In any case, I hope Henry knows that a lot of people were on his side regardless – most of all you, of course; I’d hate for him to walk away thinking AAM is a trash fest – and that he got a just or at least satisfactory outcome for both himself and his report.

          1. Detective Amy Santiago*

            I just went back and re-read and damn, I forgot just how bad it was. I feel for Henry and I hope that things did work out for Beth.

    2. TooTiredToThink*

      For those that want to read it if you do a search on Racism Henry, you’ll find it. I’m too scared to read the comments after these comments, though.

  26. Doug Judy*

    I’d like one from the lady, I think it was last week even, that was so upset about being rejected at her dream company. She just sounded so down, and I think a lot of us have been in similar positions where we thing we can’t catch a break. I am hoping things turned around for her.

  27. Happy Sharpie*

    I think there was a letter where the LW was concerned her boss was abusive towards her (the boss’) step-kids and actively bragged about it. I’d like to see an update about that one.

    1. Nita*

      It’s not the one where the boss was constantly sharing her parenting stories with her employee? There was something about her forcing her child to have a haircut because he didn’t do his homework… and the boss seemed to think it was hilarious.

  28. Temperance*

    I always hope from an update from Bird Attack where Liz gets the financial compensation she deserves. Not going to happen, sadly.

  29. redcybra*

    Still hoping for these blasts from the past:

    1) After an employee died, her team has driven off anyone we hire to replace her

    2) My employee set up a false fraud investigation … because she was being abused and wanted the police

  30. An Amazing Detective-Slash-Genius*

    This might be a long shot since it’s almost 2 years old, but I would love a longer-term update on the guy who got into a car accident because of snow and a faraway shift that ended up being unproductive:


    There was a short update in the comments but now that some time has passed I wonder if anything changed…

    1. Antilles*

      In case anyone’s wondering, the in-thread update was titled “It’s the OP”. The tl;dr version is basically that he told his manager the car was busted and he couldn’t do shifts till it got fixed, the manager said fine but forced him to call co-workers and arrange coverage for his pre-scheduled shifts, and he hadn’t worked for them in several weeks since the accident (but it was also the slow time of year and he was nervous about having to deal with that kind of weather again).

  31. Aphrodite*

    I would love an update from the woman who’d had an affair with her boss that produced a child. The boss’s wife found out, wiped him out in a divorce and set about to destroy both him and the OP. The wife eventually got a job at OP’s company (which is when we heard from her), discovered OP was there and chose to go to that department just to get revenge. And no one–not HR, not any manager–would oppose it.

    In her follow-up letter, the OP let us know she had a wonderful child, that both she and the father were now working in retail (being unable to get other jobs) and it was starting to go okay. Thankfully, the OP had support from her family, and the child’s father was involved in the child’s life.

    I had such strong sympathy for the OP because she took full responsibility for her part and because the wife seemed almost pathologically focused on total destruction of the OP and her ex-husband. That magnitude of hate has stayed with me all this time.

      1. Aphrodite*

        Oh, that’s right. I think there was–but I would love to know more now. How is the OP coming along? Have things gotten better after more time has passed?

    1. Cathy Gale*

      It was hard not to have compassion for her. She never asked for us to feel any pity for us and owned everything she did. If you’re out there, OP, “Good on you”.

  32. CA PM*

    Was there an update from the OP who exchanged air plane tickets for cheaper flights and had to use both (the one for herself and a lower level employee on the return flight) because of her weight? This caused the employee to be stranded in a foreign country and she was being reprimanded. I would love to know how that turned out for both the OP and the employee.

    1. An Amazing Detective-Slash-Genius*

      Oh my goodness, I would love an update to this too! But I think that was part of an open thread so it came from a commenter rather than a poster…I don’t know how easy it is for Alison to reach commenters but it seems less likely…

    2. Myrin*

      That was in an open thread and I’d really love to hear about how that turned out, as well, but I can imagine it would be really onerous for Alison to try and hunt down commenters (and nigh impossible if they didn’t leave an email address with their post).

  33. Curious*

    ooh so many, but off the top of my head…

    – Coworker who keeps their husband on video messenger all day
    -My new job is a nightmare built on a hellmouth. I know it hasn’t been long but I hope she got out…alive.
    – The “unpaid intern” making $42,000 a year and the shady boss

    1. Bostonian*

      Yeeessss the part-time intern that is making a boatload of money, and when OP asked about it, Boss said not to worry about it with a wink or a smile or something slimy like that.

  34. Hapless Bureaucrat*

    The one with the boss who was paying an unpaid intern, using a facilities fund. Maybe too recent, but I was so worried for the LW, given that the boss had tried to pin his shenanigans on her before.

    1. Talvi*

      I think the OP mentioned there was going to be an audit in December, so I’m hoping there might actually be an update to this one.

  35. I love Updates*

    -the one where OP’s employee used a wheelchair despite not being disabled
    -the one where OP’s friend lied/gave a fake reference to get rid of a bad employee
    -the one where someone had an affair with her co-worker’s husband and began treating her badly afrerward
    – the one where OP’s report quit rather than work with their incoming new boss

    Updates are one of my favorite parts of AAM!

    1. ThisIsNotWhoYouThinkItIs*

      I’d forgotten about the employee quitting one! (Link in my username.)

      Please update us if you can–I’m hoping that the new manager had changed significantly (or was different) from the quitting employee’s perspective.

    2. fposte*

      Whoa, I hadn’t seen that the wheelchair one got a long later comment from somebody with BIID. Definitely worth reading if that topic was interesting to you.

      1. Lissa*

        Thanks! That comment section got pretty out of control and I had to back away slowly, so I’m going to check now.

  36. ThisIsNotWhoYouThinkItIs*

    I made a list of bookmarks for this! hahaha. Most of mine are older:

    Fergus is ridiculous here.


    – I’m hoping that everything resolved well for the OP (and that the company had to get its crap together!)



    Wondering if the OP here is still doing well (since she stayed at the same job).


    Hoping this OP landed on their feet.


    Wondering if the flags in this one turned out to be as big as suspected.



    #1 with the corpse smell and #3 with the inappropriate behavior from then female employee


    #1 on the promotions. I feel like #2 (reassignment of duties and paycut) had an update but I can’t find it offhand…might have been a similar letter.



    Wondering what happened to the atmosphere in this group.

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      I’m gonna have to do this next year because I know there are more letters I wanted updates about.

  37. LondonEngineer*

    The one who was fired after accidentally sending their boss to Italy instead of Florida
    The one who was banned from carrying Narcan at work
    The one with the security guard who wsa threatening an employee into paying for sex

    And as always, liver boss, although tbh at this point it almost seems better as a standalone

    1. Manders*

      Oh yes, I’d love to hear how the Narcan dilemma played out! I could see both points of view in that story, it’s definitely one without a clear-cut answer. I was particularly wondering if the owner’s other attempts at deterrence like blue lights made any difference (I see them occasionally in my city, which is also in the middle of a heroin crisis, and I’ve always wondered if they do anything).

    2. Lady Ariel Ponyweather*

      I still think about the Italy/Florida one. It was such an easy mistake to make and the reaction from the company was so vicious. I hope the OP and his family and baby are doing well.

      That security guard one sounds horrific. Hope something awful happened to him.

  38. DoctorateStrange*

    I’d like to know about the one where a woman’s boyfriend’s “crazy” ex-girlfriend had the supposed audacity to start working in the same place she’s employed at. The ex in question was the one that ended up being professional by letting her know that she works there and has no ill will against her.

    I remember how defensive she got when people told her to err on the side of caution over labeling the ex “crazy.” I mean, I doubt we will get one based on how she defensive she got…but man, I am curious.

  39. Supreme of Salem*

    I’d like an update on the woman who framed her coworker for fraud to talk the police about her abusive husband. And the company manager who was forcing and firing employees to have their livers donated to his brother for a transplant.

  40. Middle School Teacher*

    I’m dying for an update from OP whose coworker was caught getting busy with himself.

  41. Bostonian*

    -THE SUPER CHEERFUL COWORKER- the one who makes smiley faces, etc.
    -The teacher of a welfare-to-work program whose coworker was just showing people YouTube videos
    -Overwatering cacti (low stakes, I know, but I love these kinds of mysteries!)
    -Executive assistant who’s awesome at the job but whose work friend is not
    -Man who kept adjusting himself in front of OP (and others..?)
    -Theatre worker who walked in on 2 coworkers

    Personal behavior:
    -how should I handle emails that seem vindictive?
    -the “moral coindary”
    -I’m the smelly coworker

    -My office thinks its Christmas party is secular
    -Boss called employee pretending to be Child Protective Services
    -boss’s wife wants OP to clean the house
    -OP whose manager abruptly resigned on their 3rd day
    -good employee who’s mad about bad employee (the OP was their supervisor, I think, and couldn’t do anything about the bad employee)
    -OP that was caught in the middle of a tiff between boss and client (and client paid OP instead of boss)
    -OP that asked about how to make hotdesking work (I think the OP was active in the comments, but we didn’t get an “update”, per se)

    Holy crap, and all of that just October/November!

      1. TheRedCoat*

        Oh yes! I hope that it was something easy to address. I had a roomate whose cat peed on my laundry, and I’d gone nose blind at that point.

    1. Jadelyn*

      Oh, gods, the boss pretending to be CPS…that was spectacularly horrifying. Would really like an update on that, but it was pretty recent.

      1. That friend of Wendy who posted her predicament*

        The CPS boss does have an update and has been submitted and acknowledged and presumably to be posted in the future. That is all.

        1. Marthooh*

          It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
          With the OPs updating
          And everyone waiting
          For posts to appear,
          It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

        2. Stormfeather*

          Oh nice, this is one of the ones I posted about below wanting an update. (I didn’t make it through all the comments first, for hopefully obvious reasons)

  42. fposte*

    The OP whose co-worker who secretly photographed their colleague with a colostomy bag and then distributed the pictures.

    I had to check to make sure I didn’t make that one up before I posted it. Because–huh?

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      Didn’t the OP engage in the comments for that one? I feel like they were annoyed by the reactions of a large portion of the commentariat.

      1. fposte*

        Oh, you’re right; I think she was in over her head with little power and felt that people were blaming her for not taking action (which probably a few were).

        1. Lissa*

          I think that was really illustrative of how to what us can feel like we’re all just sharing our feelings reasonably can feel to someone in the situation like an unending torrent of rage – especially to someone not used to comment sections on the internet. TBH stuff like that is why I would probably not read the comments that day if I ever did write into AAM.

    2. MissGirl*

      This one. I felt such anger against the coworker. The OP did say she may not update because she felt piled on. But I hope her coworker was fired and OP and the victim are doing better.

    1. Jennifer Thneed*

      LOL! One of the recent “you might also like” links was that one, and I was OMFG all over again.

  43. DEJ*

    Several years on I would still love an update to the dress code intern. I would love to think that some sort of light came on for him eventually.

    1. CynicallySweet7*

      Yes! Or the other intern who wrote in b/c that was their only work history! I hope they learned something and landed on their feet!

    2. Dot Warner*

      I still hope the one intern who didn’t sign the petition, and thus was the only one who did not get fired, will write in and let us know how things were the rest of that summer.

  44. Not a robot*

    I would love to hear an update on the employee who took a photo of another employee who had a colostomy bag and showed it to people. I remember thinking that was a total WTF is wrong with people and hoped to hear that she was reprimanded for it.

    1. CatLover18*

      Yikes – I forgot about that one until you mentioned it.. must have buried that one deep down..

      1. Meyers and Briggs are not real doctors*

        I second this. As a person with a BCIR ostomy (it’s rare and bagless) my stoma has been made visible once or twice at work and it wasnt a big deal when asked (“Do u have an open wound? Are you okay?” is the easy part for me by now after 12 years.). But if someone had photoed me and dispersed it, I may highly consider burying that person under the concrete I’m pouring that day :)

  45. TheRedCoat*

    1. My coworker signed me up for a racist organization
    2. My boss punished me by removing the tools I need to do my job
    3. My new job is a nightmare built on a hellmouth (I love crazy work stories, I admit.)
    4. Our “unpaid intern” is paid $42,000/year
    5. our disruptively cheerful new coworker treats us like toddlers
    6. our group member has a fragrance sensitivity – and we’re supposed to be hugged to check for any scents

      1. Laurelma01*

        I hate hugging unless it’s family or close friends. # 6 would have me in a horrible mood all day.

  46. PB*

    I would love an update to the stoma bag letter. I remember OP did not seem inclined to send an update, so I’m not holding out too much hope, but I would love to hear how that shook out.

    1. Laurelma01*

      I have this horrible fascination with the situations that we read about where a co-worker or boss acts so outside the norm. It’s a horrible fascination … like rubber necking when you drive past a car accident.

  47. Nita*

    The OP whose boss locked her out of the system that she needs to work. I hope things went better for OP after that.

  48. MuseumChick*

    Late to the party today. This is a personal one so I’m sure there won’t be an update. When Alison did the knowledge swap post, there was a person who wanted to find out what museum her Great Grandmother had donated a bunch of Native American artifacts to. I gave her some advice on who to ask for when she called the museum, what questions to ask etc. I’ve always wondered what happened with that.

    If that person sees this please let me know how it went!

  49. VWAndrea*

    It wasn’t this year, but the entry-level employee sneaking into the conference and getting fired for it. There were some dots she didn’t connect back then.

    1. Detective Amy Santiago*

      That wasn’t this year? I thought it was fairly recent.

      But, yes, I would love an update on that one too!

  50. Long time listener, first time writer*

    The podcast (10/10: People Say My Tone Sounds Mean) advice seeker who had the co-worker who kept complaining, though not to her directly, that she was too brusque and no-nonsense. She sounded so down on herself, to the point of questioning whether she was even in the right career. I really felt for her and hope things are better.

  51. Anony-miss*

    I’ve been thinking all year about the letter writer whose coworker dressed up as a Disney princess to then trick or treat in a meeting of C-suite and high profile clients. I just have so many questions! What honestly was going on with that person? Did the letter writer’s supervisor ever get off her back about the employee?

      1. SusanIvanova*

        From the followup: “If I didn’t leave she would yell or throw pens or markers at me. ”

        Whoa. If that had been in the original, I think it might’ve changed “talk to her first” to “talk to your boss now”.

  52. Laurelma01*

    1) I’m being assigned “make up” work before maternity leave,
    2) my coworker responds to all problems with “at least you don’t have cancer or an eating disorder
    3) employee’s dad called to see if we had “properly briefed him” on his travel
    4) coworker is secretly taking photos of dress code violations

    1. EPLawyer*

      Oh yeah cancer eating disorder person. I realky hope someone finalky showed her a map of the universe and she wasnt the center.

  53. BlueTOOsday*

    I want to find out what happened to the old guy who thought he was being funny about “dainties” – he made me so angry and I didn’t even have to deal with him!

  54. pony tailed wonder*

    I would like to know about the very recent one where the worker had her supervisor stay at work when she had urinated on herself. Hopefully an update will be soon.

    Also, I wanted to know if the employee who was getting help after mistreating her employee who was better looking than herself is still doing well. She sent in two updates already and I am still wishing her well. We don’t get many redemption stories from people who did wrong and who are trying to change themselves and she was terrific about the changes she had made in her life.

  55. EvilQueenRegina*

    How about that one where someone sent a memo to the CEO about reports of ghosts in the hotel where they worked? There was a sudden spate of reports like that and I wonder if they ever got to the bottom of what that was about.

  56. Jisselle*

    I need to know about the bully who didn’t get a job and then got blacklisted by the company. I just wonder what’d she have to do to actually find work in her industry if the biggest company won’t even consider her.
    Also I really want to know what happened with the guy who was asking for IVF donations when it was impossible for them to do IVF or adopt. Like I can’t imagine what type of good end result there could have been, even if they got the money.

  57. Jisselle*

    The mom who managed her daughter and wanted to start a witch hunt to find out who reported her to HR for bringing a baby to work.

    1. Mainly Lurking*

      I seem to remember the OP responded quite a bit in the comments and was very defensive.

      I wonder if she has changed after time to reflect. It does sometimes happen with posters

  58. em*

    The boss who was upset that her employee didn’t fully use/appreciate her maternity benefits (which the boss secured without the employee’s feedback)

  59. Rune*

    I’d love to know what happened to the woman who’s company was bullying her to give up her vehicle. She needed to transport her sick family and they wanted to advertise how “green” they were because all their employees were vehicle free.

  60. Ladyphoenix*

    The one where the OP’s… step mom? Woman dating their dad? Wanted to force them to go to couple’s therapy with her and OP’s dad.

    1. Talvi*

      I think there was an update to this one, actually, but I’m on mobile so I can’t search for it now.

        1. SusanIvanova*

          I think the best line was ” I was babysitting when I got an email with the link to my AAM letter from my dad with the subject: “Um.” “

  61. I exist*

    I want to know what happened to the person who worked with someone with a fragrance sensitivity and had to be hugged to check for scents, and I know it’s been a while but I also want to hear from the person who’s boss was firing people who didn’t sign up to be a liver donor for his brother.

  62. Where’s my coffee?*

    Was there an update on the one with the person who couldn’t keep tampons in their car ?

  63. Afiendishthingy*

    I’d like to hear from the person who recommended their sister for a job and the sister ended up being fired for smoking a joint in the bathroom and later broke in and burgled the office

  64. Humble Schoolmarm*

    I would love to see an update on the woman who stole one of her coworkers’ wallet and coat (followed, I think, by some Amazon fraud). Another person in the office wrote is and was very defensive of te thief and wanted advice to force the victim out. I do understand that won’t likely be happening because the op got slammed, but it was quite the letter.

    1. Marthooh*

      Oh, yes! The thief had to admit to taking the jacket because it was caught on video, but denied the credit card fraud, and the OP was like: hey maybe the victim had the wallet all along and ordered a bunch of stuff online to frame the jacket thief just out of spite, there’s no way to tell who did it for sure, right? Right?

    1. ThisIsNotWhoYouThinkItIs*

      I’d forgotten about this one! The comments got pretty rowdy, but I am interested in what happened. Hopefully it all worked out with minimal drama.

  65. Dot Warner*

    Some of these are from ’17 instead of ’18:

    -The person who couldn’t speak French but needed to be able to do so for their job
    -The person whose coworker screamed at them for calling their cat their “baby”
    -The employee who was insisting on a window seat in the new office due to their SAD, but the new office wasn’t built yet
    -The coworker who was crowdfunding for IVF
    -The one where the team raised a bunch of money for a coworker with a preemie, and then the person holding the money was killed in an accident
    -The person who couldn’t take a day off because their coworker with anxiety could leave work at any time without notice
    -The person who managed a team of lovable screw-ups

    1. Mainly Lurking*

      You’re not the only one who would like an update for #5 on your list. That story still haunts me. I hope that they let the family of the dead employee keep the money, and raised more for the couple with the premature baby.

      1. Kathleen_A*

        That would be the ideal solution, but if I remember correctly, the OP was of the opinion that some people had already given everything they could afford. I think if I were the family of the deceased employee, I would want the money to go where it was supposed to go, but it’s a hard, hard, *hard* call.

        So yes, an update would be great!

  66. Ms Cappuccino*

    I would like an update on : Our company makes us do unreasonable things to accommodate a coworker with mental health needs.

  67. AngT*

    How ‘bout the one who’s older female co-worker gave the office the silent treatment, when angry? She impacted everyone’s work all around her by not speaking to them, but HR would do nothing. That one blew up the comments!

  68. miap93*

    An update on

  69. miap93*

    Updates on:
    The LW who accidentally sent his/her boss to Italy instead of Florida

  70. Cathy Gale*

    I want to know what happened to the woman who was dinged by HR because another woman criticized her for keeping menstrual pads and other toiletries in her personal vehicle. Hoping she got a lawyer, it was that batshit crazy to read about. Which leads to one I can’t get out of my head…

    https://www.askamanager.org/2017/01/our-company-is-making-us-do-unreasonable-things-to-accommodate-a-coworkers-mental-health.html – Casey claims to have OCD, and the company is forcing people to avoid asymmetrical clothing, wait at the bus stop boy-girl-boy-girl, people are being penalized for wearing just one ring on one hand instead of two rings, one on each hand…

  71. Theory of Eeveelution*

    The bully who got blacklisted from her dream company, and then confronted her victim in a restaurant! I need to know how it ends, because I want the rights to that movie!

  72. Five More Minutes*

    The 23-24 year old woman from Scotland whose crazy controlling mom had access to her bank account and was withdrawing basically everything she earned and calling it “rent”. The last update I saw, the young woman was a month away from finally moving out. I want to hear good news!

    1. Worker Bee (Germany)*

      Yes. I kept my fingers crossed for her. Would love to hear she is enjoying life far away from controlling Mom

  73. Stormfeather*

    I knew I had one marked as one I wanted an update on, found it through doing a search on my name. The link to the post is in my comment, it’s #2, the boss that called their employee masquerading as Child Protective Services.

    Also looking through those posts and refreshing my memory, back in February there was a post “my employee sent a memo to management about ghosts in the building” where it was interesting because of the speculation that there was something criminal or otherwise non-ideal going on, that the management was just blowing off.

  74. MEZ*

    I’d love an update from the person who recommended her sister for a job but it turned out to be a disaster!

  75. Meyers and Briggs are not real doctors*

    Employee Dressed up as Coworker to Mock Her.

    (Sorry, a bit old. But I still hope for a good ending and that shes okay.)

    Coworker quit, moved out the same week, the landlord didnt have a forwardi g address for the boss to send a paycheck and all her contact info was deleted /disconnected (phone,e mail, google+,etc) .

    “Basic girl” was the costume.

  76. BMS*

    I would like an update on the co-worker who would rage in his office, scaring his co-worker who could see him across the hall.

    1. Kathleen_A*

      Oh, that’s a good one. I hate her company – her smug, self-centered company – so, so, so much.

  77. It's mce*

    How about the OP who lost his job/interview because he was rude to the employer’s wife’s dad on the bus?

  78. Avalon Angel*

    I’d like to know what happened to the LW who was “gifted” a nasty letter and a pacifier. I’d also like to hear what happened to the co-worker who took/sent/posted photos of another employee’s colostomy bag.

  79. Five More Minutes*

    Did we ever get an update on the employee that took pictures of her coworker’s stoma bag and sent it to vendors and clients?

  80. CanadaTag*

    I would love to get an update from the “cable news plays in my office all day, and it’s killing me” letter, posted March 7, 2017. (A quick search didn’t find an update.) I would really like to find out what happened, both from an anxiety standpoint and from an “I hate TV anywhere other than the house” standpoint!

  81. Michelle*

    This comment is probably too late but I suddenly remembered the one where op had to share a hotel room with a coworker who had night terrors and insisted on it being no problem despite keeping op and others awake with the screaming.

Comments are closed.