Ask a Manager

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. When a married client brings his mistress to dinner (first update here)

It’s been several years since my question appeared on AAM, but I finally have a happy update to share with you and the readers.

First of all, thank you for answering my question and providing great guidance.

A quick update to my story – about a year after I wrote to you, I accepted an internal role on another team. My former team has had many, many leadership changes and firings due to bad behavior. I can’t speak for the current culture but when I left five years ago, it was still quite dysfunctional. I won’t get into too many details but let’s just say the married client bringing a mistress to dinner was one of the more innocent things going on there.

This year has been transformational for me, as I’m sure it has been for many of your readers. Among the many realizations I’ve had was that it was finally time to leave my company. My enthusiasm for my work was gone and I was pretty much in BEC mode daily.

After several months of searching, I recently accepted a new role outside of the company and will be starting my new job (making significantly more money, I might add) in early 2021. I’m hopeful the culture will be a better fit for me and I’m very excited about the work I will be doing. I feel more energized about this role than anything I’ve done in my career.

Thanks again to you and the community you’ve created. Have a happy, healthy, and safe holiday season!

2. Manager insists on thank-you emails for routine messages (#3 at the link)

I wrote some time back and I thought I would provide an update. I’m going to call that manager Jill for this story.

I read what you and others said (thank you!) which made me realize that the emails were really a part of a bigger issue within our company which was Jill’s micromanagement and the need to be in constant control. I started to feel that the emails wasn’t worth fighting over but I felt strongly that there were too many other issues to ignore. I told my direct Manager (let’s call her Dawn) about the micromanaging. She brushed it off and just commented that it was the just “way she is.” My direct Manager never tried to stop it and at first I thought she was intimated by her. I later found out that they were close friends outside of work. I also suspected that while I was telling Dawn my concerns, she was telling Jill all along instead of trying to fix the problem. I believe this caused Jill to complain about me responding to those petty emails because there is/was no other issues with my overall job performance. I stopped telling Dawn how I felt even when she asked because I thought that I could be jeopardizing my career. I wasn’t the only one with these conserns, but I was the only person speaking up which always looks bad. The emails and micromanagement continued to get worse and to the point where she would send and email, a follow up, and a phone call within an hour if we didn’t respond right away. I would come back to long voice mails when coming back from lunch but I gritted my teeth and pressed on.

Months after my letter published here, my direct manager Dawn resigned and and I got a new direct Manager (Danielle). I was wary of telling her anything out of fear of my job. Danielle observed the dynamics of the situation as an outsider and started to ask me about Jill and the company before she came. I was hesitant to give her details but I took a chance and told her. Apparently Jill tried to micromanage my new Manager even though they are peers. She agreed that Jill’s emails were excessive and she was over reaching by trying to Manage me when she was not my direct Manager. She ended up talking to Jill and our VP about her conserns. Then the emails were non existent. While I liked the fact the over reaching and constant complaints on me were finally gone, I have to admit that I was concern on the overall impact.

It took some time but we are all finally doing much better. There are no complaints about me coming from Jill. I may get at most 2-5 emails a week versus the 5-7 a day from Jill which is so much easier to handle. I also have talked to Jill and our relationship is much better. I am really happy for this outcome because I enjoy what I do and now that we are working from home, even better! Thank you everyone for your feedback!

3. My coworker is trying to manage me — and she’s not my boss

I left the job! I’m in grad school now :) I was being mismanaged all over the place, and it wasn’t going to work out on its own. Last I heard, the person who was giving me a hard time was trying to move into my vacated position, so I guess she really did want my job!

4. When to ask about a contract going permanent (#5 at the link)

Good news! My contract was extended by another three months, with a possibility of being made permanent after that. Even if they can’t make me permanent at the end of the contract for whatever reason, I consider myself very lucky to have such a great opportunity. It’s incredible experience with great people and I still love it, so I’m glad to have a chance to continue in any capacity. Fingers crossed I’ll have more good news for you in February!