where are you now? (a call for updates)

It’s mid-year updates season!

If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now?  (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.)

Your update doesn’t have to be positive or big to be worth submitting. We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting.

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

{ 239 comments… read them below }

  1. Pastor Petty Labelle*

    It’s the happiest happiest time of the (half) year.

    Seriously, good, bad or indifferent we want to hear from you.

    1. Daisy-dog*

      Just to add for LW because I know the comments got a little hairy: I want an update because I am genuinely hoping that things worked out well. Whatever that means. I hope LW has a great job (even if different) and her life with her kid is just dandy.

    1. Carol the happy elf*

      Hear, hear! (Hoping that boss got a laxative so he could get his head out of his hemorrhoids.)

    2. professor potatochip*

      seconding the request for the turtles! I still worry about the poor turtles

  2. lyonite*

    I want to hear from the person with the prank-calling intern! I feel like there are a few ways that could have gone.

    1. ferrina*

      Absolutely. I really want to know if the intern doubled down and if they decided to keep the intern (and if so, how was the intern the rest of the time?)

  3. LostCommenter*

    I absolutely love the updates. either stuff went even more wrong, or there’s happy endings all around. I love hearing both.

  4. Michigander*

    I’d love to hear if the feuding coworkers turned lovers have already had an explosive breakup.

  5. Belle of the Midwest*

    I often think about the woman who lost out on a job–and on the update, it sounds like she was pretty much on the shxtlist for the entire industry–for being a bully in high school. That was back before COVID. I truly hope she has found meaningful work in the years since her last post.

    1. FashionablyEvil*

      Oh man, that was a hard one to read. I hope the LW is in a better place now.

    2. FricketyFrack*

      That one was painful to read because she was still blaming the person she bullied instead of looking at how her own actions affected the outcome. I really hope that she was able to do some self-reflection and successfully move to another industry.

      1. Bast*

        While I agree, I think blaming someone or something that doesn’t really make sense is fairly human. We may be able to acknowledge internally that it doesn’t make sense, but the anger/upset/etc needs somewhere to go so we fixate on something, healthy or not.

        1. FricketyFrack*

          I get that, and to a certain extent, I’m forgiving of it as a human thing to do, but even if she could reasonably blame the victim of bullying for losing out on job (debatable), blaming her for everything that followed showed a seriously concerning lack of self-awareness. So I hope maybe she saw a therapist or whatever it might take to make some changes, because the path she was on was going to end up with her torpedoing her entire life.

        2. RagingADHD*

          The painful thing to watch is the lack of growth and self-awareness. The whole nature of childhood / adolescent bullies is that they are redirecting hurt and anger from other things in their lives (things that make them feel helpless) toward someone who can’t hurt them back.

          Some people realize this as they grow up, are remorseful for the hurt they caused, and come to terms with that original pain in a better way. This person did not. She remained stunted, reactive, and unwilling to take responsibility for her own actions. Her only motivation for apologizing was in order to try to “make nice” and get a job. She blamed the girl she’d bullied in the past for her own choices to get drunk and make a public scene, as well as for her boyfriend cheating on her.

          Honestly, the only update I would want to see is that she got therapy and dealt with her baggage. And if she really did that, I don’t think she’d want to have intensely personal stories about her process published on a stranger’s blog.

      2. Observer*

        That one was painful to read because she was still blaming the person she bullied instead of looking at how her own actions affected the outcome.

        *And* she was blaming her former victim for stuff that had nothing to do with FV as well as doing stuff that was damaging to herself.

        Her breakup with her boyfriend had zero to do with FV nor her handling that by just essentially disappearing at work. As for causing a drunken scene at the restaurant, sure it kind of has to do with FV because she blew up at FV, but it was 100% on her. But she is STILL blaming FV.

        If nothing else, I hope she’s done something about her relationship with alcohol.

    3. Tio*

      By the second update she seemed pretty deep in a hole. I would like an update, but I don’t know if she wants to revisit that period, tbh.

      1. Polaris*

        Original post:


        Honestly, the LW had a LOT of work to do, if she managed to (TLDR) blame “Rock Star” for any part of her life falling apart on her, spectacularly, as she did manage to do. (See the update letter for why I say this, because I don’t think it would’ve been accepted for a movie plot!)

        1. Katherine*

          I always thought the same thing- not believable. In fact, I thought perhaps the LW saw on Twitter (she admitted to obsssively following her twitter feed) that Rock Star would be at the restuarant and went there to have some weird showdown. Always seemed like too much of a coincidence. (Yes, I know I’m breaking the “take letter writers at their word” rule, sorry.)

          1. Polaris*

            I guess I was just to gobsmacked at the whole thing to even consider that aspect of it. Truth is absolutely weirder than fiction sometimes.

            I assumed it was a truthful retelling.

            I just cannot make the leap that the LW did to get to “RockStar destroyed my life by making it so I was blacklisted from the industry so I had to get a crappy job hours away and I caught my boyfriend cheating on me and I lost my job and….and…..and I had a very public drunken confrontation that caused capital C Consequences…but this is at least partly RockStar’s fault”.

            1. Katherine*

              oh, LW was a Professional Victim. 100% other people’s fault. “And I had to read all about her great life on Twitter!” Uh….no, you didn’t.

    4. Not A Manager*

      I’m sure she’ll come back to update after reading all of these comments. This is a person who was in a lot of pain (and probably was in a lot of pain even as child if she was such a horrible bully). Everything that was said above me might be true, but is it really necessary?

      1. Saturday*

        I feel the same – I hope the OP doesn’t give us an update and then get attacked. And honestly, she didn’t sound like a horrible bully to me – she sounded like a high school student more focused on herself than others, which isn’t super unusual.

        1. Nodramalama*

          Yeah to be honest I felt like a lot of the commenters were fairly self righteous about the behaviour LW said they did (noting of course that is a biased point of view) . Going to an all girls school taught me that almost every girl has the capability to be a hormone filled monster, and the main way girls are socialised to deal with conflict are unfortunately by exerting social pressure and isolation tactics. It’s basically the whole premise of Mean Girls

      2. Temperance*

        It sounds like someone who was going through the worst time in their life, caused by their own actions in part (the ostracism/bullying of her former friend, Rock Star). It’s not wildly unheard of for multiple unrelated bad things to happen at once, though.

      3. Jake*

        People who cope with their own pain by causing pain to others, then having no self awareness whatsoever are not going to get the benefit of the doubt or much sympathy from most.

  6. Hlao-roo*

    1. my coworker told me to stop flirting with a student employee from July 13, 2020

    2. my trust fund coworker bullies staff for being “poor” from July 12, 2021

    3. our highly-paid, overworked junior staff keep leaving just as we get them fully trained from October 26, 2021

    4. I’m biased against people who went to women’s colleges from October 18, 2022

    5. our cleaner pressures me to stay late with her because she fears our workplace is haunted from May 8, 2023

    6. my company won’t allow any name changes, ever, for anyone from July 12, 2023

    Links in a reply.

    1. Hlao-roo*

      1. https://www.askamanager.org/2020/07/my-coworker-told-me-to-stop-flirting-with-a-student-employee.html

      2. https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/my-trust-fund-coworker-bullies-staff-for-being-poor.html

      3. https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/our-highly-paid-overworked-junior-staff-keep-leaving-just-as-we-get-them-fully-trained.html

      4. https://www.askamanager.org/2022/10/im-biased-against-people-who-went-to-womens-colleges.html

      5. https://www.askamanager.org/2023/05/our-cleaner-pressures-me-to-stay-late-with-her-because-she-fears-our-workplace-is-haunted.html

      6. https://www.askamanager.org/2023/07/my-company-wont-allow-any-name-changes-ever-for-anyone.html

    2. Hlao-roo*

      A few more:

      Letters 1 and 2 from I’m making $47,000 less than my male coworker, coworker is vandalizing my car, and more from August 2, 2023


      Letter 1 from my employer confiscated my favorite shirt, whose job is it to address burn-out, and more from August 18, 2023


      customers are ignoring our male receptionist from September 12, 2023


      all the men I work with go on an annual camping trip together, and women aren’t allowed from September 19, 2023


      1. ferrina*

        I really want to know if they ever got people to go to the male receptionist. If so, what was the trick?

    3. Csethiro Ceredin*

      Seconded to the trust fun coworker! I think a part of me really needs them and the manager to see a comeuppance, or at least self-awareness.

  7. riverofmolecules*

    Would it be more helpful to respond to the original email thread to make it easy to connect to the previous letter, or would it be more helpful to start a new email?

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      That one, and the one with the bat in the popcorn machine!

      On a more serious note, the LW whose coworker seemed to be losing her memory (she ordered pizza, then forgot she did, and that was the tip of the iceberg.)

      1. Frank Doyle*

        I must be losing my memory as well, because I don’t remember either of those!

        1. Hlao-roo*

          Bat in the popcorn machine is the first letter of the “our building is full of bats and sewer smells, company requires us to notify HR when we go to urgent care, and more” short answer posts from September 21, 2023.

          Coworker forgetting about her pizza order was the “my coworker is having serious memory issues” letter from April 5, 2023.

    2. Grumpy Elder Millennial*

      OMG, I had forgotten about that one. I hope things got properly cleaned by staff in good PPE very quickly and that Julie got all the support available.

  8. Juneybug*

    My ex-boss threatened to contact my husband, his coworkers, and my father-in-law if I don’t return $48 of office supplies

  9. Juneybug*

    My company advertises every job all the time to make sure we know we can be replaced

  10. Rachel*

    I would love love love an update from the poor woman working in HR who was called “The keeper of the zipper” by some colleagues who were way too into her boss.

  11. fine-tipped pen aficionado*

    The knife coworker! I know that was so recent but I’m invested.

    1. goddessoftransitory*

      Knife, AND Stripper Boobs breast pump Susan!

      Boy, that was one red letter day for AAM…

      1. Rain*

        Dibs on “Stripper Boobs Breast pump” as the name of my all-ukelele AC/DC cover band.

  12. They knew and they let it happen*

    I don’t remember all the details but there was one with an overweight person who accidentally broke a desk, which then broke the femur of her colleague.

    It wasn’t totally her fault because i think the desk was weak, but naturally she was concerned about being in the office, what people were saying, etc.

    1. ferrina*

      I’d like an update on that one too. Did it blow over? I hope it did- it sounded like a terrible accident, and LW didn’t do anything wrong. I hope the co-worker made a full recovery and everyone was able to leave it in the past.

    2. Nodramalama*

      That was a wild comments section. So many people took “its not LWs fault” to end up being “blame the coworker who literally just sat at their desk and now possibly has a live changing injury!

    3. Mimmy*

      I just finished reading the original thread and some of the “broken femur” stories in the comments. Yikes! I too hope everything ended up well.

      1. I should really pick a name*

        More correctly, I’m looking for an update to the update on that one

  13. my cat is prettier than me*

    I would love an update on “my boss’s horrible kids are trying to destroy us because he disinherited them”

  14. HannahS*

    Asked to be friendlier when giving serious feedback: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/05/i-was-asked-to-be-friendlier-when-giving-feedback-about-serious-safety-issues.html

    The employee with the dark flickering bat cave of an office: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/01/my-new-hires-office-looks-like-a-dark-flickering-bat-cave-and-is-scaring-off-patrons.html

    This boss:

    This person, because the commentary wound up being fairly nuanced:

    This person, because I feel them

    1. topcat*

      The “bat cave” is fascinating because it sounds like it resulted in the guy having to see fewer patrons, so presumably having to do less work, so it might have been part of a cunning strategy on his part.

  15. the cat's ass*

    The OP whose boss who wanted the OP and a few co-workers to do a porno-there were costumes and everything!

    1. Mrs. Pommeroy*

      I would be very interested in an update from that LW, too BUT the comments on the original post were astonishingly dismissive of it being a problematic situation for the LW (not all but an astonishing amount of them) and I don’t expect the LW would want to experience that again. :/

    2. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

      There’s a link just upthread at 1:26 by “I should really pick a name”.

  16. Tio*

    I’ve been keeping a list!

    my boss is coming back after going AWOL for 2 years
    my boss renegotiated my new job’s start date behind my back
    my boss hired his girlfriend and we are imploding
    my new boss treats me like his assistant … which isn’t what I was hired for
    my coworker is spreading a rumor that I have bulimia
    what are the ethics around asking an employee not to talk about her raise?

    1. Tio*







      1. Irish Teacher.*

        Oooh, very much seconded the person whose coworker was spreading a rumour that they had bulimia.

      1. ferrina*

        Yes! I’m so curious if the boss actually re-emerged, and if so, what happened?

  17. Typing All The Time*

    There was one involving an employee whose sister was murdered and an employee who wanted him to forgive her killer. I was wondered what happened in this office.

  18. Expelliarmus*

    If we could get an update on the Zipper LW, that would be great! I want to see how they are doing, regardless of whether anything came of the situation (I know it was happening right before lockdown)

  19. SparklingBlue*

    I still wonder what happened to Ideas Guy, and what happened to the turtles?

    1. Chauncy Gardener*

      The one who was right out of college? ME TOO!

      And those poor turtles. I would love to know how they are doing.

  20. Past Lurker*

    I want to quit … but if I leave, my project will die
    The last update stated the company refused to pay their last two invoices, did they ever get paid for their work?

    1. Chauncy Gardener*

      Oh for sure. That was a saga of truly epic proportions. I hope she is REALLY happy now!

    2. ferrina*

      Yeah, I’d love an official update from her. And has she published her Hellmouth book, and where can I buy it?
      She was a hilarious writer!

    3. Sharpie*

      I came to read that saga way after it was happening and I was still stoked to see her username change. I WORKED on a Hellmouth, indeed.

      Incredible talent for writing, I think she still comments on posts.

  21. Anne Shirley-Blythe*

    The search feature is not helping me. The female warehouse worker whose male coworker would not stop touching her although she asked him not to. He then resorted to resting his head on her shoulder.

    1. ferrina*

      Oh my goodness, I’d forgotten about that one, but that’s a doozy. Yes, would love an update!

  22. Nea*

    It’s a long time ago, but what about the boss whose homeschooled son couldn’t write a comprehensible (or correctly spelled) email and started yelling when those problems were pointed out? I always kind of hope that the poor kid got some real support – and also that LW got out.

  23. Ms. Norbury*

    Just a few that I could think of:






  24. J!*

    Oooh, I saw “my boss stole my resume and is applying for the same jobs as me” linked at the bottom of a post earlier today and it reminded me I wondered how things were going with them. I hope they got out of there!

    1. Mystery*

      I’d be cautious asking for an update on this one. It sounds like there could have been long-term trauma for the writer’s child based on this line from the original letter “We almost lost our child because of “Timmy.” “

      1. ScruffyInternHerder*

        I’m hopeful that the only update on this one was the only logical one – the OP could not manage the mother of the bully because of the existence of the restraining order. And that the mother, who was a new hire, was either moved or let go, because otherwise, the OP was being punished for the actions taken to protect her child from (obviously horrific) bullying.

  25. Ghostlight*

    “My Boss Stole My Resume and is Applying for the Same Jobs as Me” from June 30, 2020. I just found it as a linked post to a recent one and I’m so curious!

  26. Sherm*

    I’m curious about the one where the OP was told by the HR director that it was OP’s “moral responsibility” to tell everyone about OP’s autism.

  27. Carrie*

    I, too, have been keeping a list!
    I know it was only published this week, but I would love an update on this potential Worst Boss: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/05/our-boss-is-being-a-jerk-about-bereavement-leave-for-miscarriages.html

  28. Thoreauvian*

    The boss who fired anyone who didn’t sign up to donate part of their liver to his brother.

  29. ferrina*

    ‘My employee lies to me about things he just said 30 seconds ago’

    That one is befuddling and the gaslighting is horrible, and I really want to know how LW handled it.

    1. Ms. Norbury*

      Yes, this one so much. That post almost gave me a headache, poor OP. I hope she got rid of him.

    2. ONFM*

      I really want to hear about this one, too! I worked with a guy who was almost identical. In our situation, when he was confronted with irrefutable evidence that he had lied, and couldn’t talk his way out of it, he reacted so aggressively he had to be escorted off the property and have his belongings mailed to him. I hope it turned out better for the LW.

  30. Old Hampshire New Hampshire*

    I’m still hoping for an update from Leap Year Birthday Employee.

  31. Emily Elizabeth*

    I am curious about all of these! I love reading everyone’s updates and hearing where they are on their journey, no matter how related it is to the current letter, and also hearing how situations evolved/devolved.





  32. Captain Vegetable (Crunch Crunch Crunch)*

    I finally started keeping a list (and for some, yes, I want an update to the update!):

    update: should I leave my family business?
    DECEMBER 21, 2021

    my boyfriend pretended to be a doctor
    MAY 1, 2020

    our highly-paid, overworked junior staff keep leaving just as we get them fully trained
    OCTOBER 26, 2021

    how can we get older members of our field to stop complimenting women on their appearances?
    JUNE 17, 2021

    my coworker is trying to get me transferred so his girlfriend can have my job
    NOVEMBER 5, 2019

    MAY 17, 2016
    4. Should I disclose bad faith business practices to a client?

    my boss called me “disgusting” for not cleaning up my male coworkers’ mess
    FEBRUARY 22, 2021

    update: my employee is freezing out a manager after he joked about King Charles
    NOVEMBER 28, 2022

    update: my coworker keeps calling me his “work mom”
    DECEMBER 6, 2017

    my boss assumes we’re slacking off when we work from home
    MAY 19, 2020

    my boss and mentor runs hot and cold with me
    JULY 17, 2019

    my boss pays me an extra $500/month from her own money — but didn’t pay me this month
    NOVEMBER 8, 2021

    3. My company has an anti-vaxx agenda— and I’m the HR director
    NOVEMBER 11, 2021

    my company is pushing me to give up my car, which I need
    NOVEMBER 28, 2017

  33. Myrin*

    The boss who stole the OP’s family heirloom has been haunting me ever since the letter came out – I would love an update to that for sure.

    Oh, and the one by the recent OP who felt crushing guilt about taking any time off, although I think that one is still way too fresh to have anything had happen yet.

  34. WellRed*

    I would like an update on the person who’s coworker had a terminal illness that they raised $15k to send her on a final trip with her family and later found out she may have lied.

    1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      Me too! This is the one I always want an update on because I’m so fascinated by…everything.

    1. Cookie Monster*

      Yes to the stoma bag! Just came here to ask about that one. Such a horrible person.

  35. Shanderson*

    I would love an update from :

    my employee refuses to lie to customers — but that’s our policy NOVEMBER 22, 2021

    I really hope some policies were re-examined.

    1. Jake*

      This one was so bizarre to me.

      The owner was so wrapped up in how it would look to refuse cancellations that she couldn’t figure out that lying is much worse.

  36. Anonymous cat*

    During the pandemic, a district decided to handle childcare issues by making the librarians be free childcare for all the local kids. And I think tried to call it a summer camp.

    The letter writer/librarian left that job but I wondered how that whole situation turned out. Did they go through with it? Did anyone put any real planning into it?

    If the LW still reads AAM, could you fill us in on what happened?

    I’ve tried googling for it but get too many results around library.

  37. Anonymous cat*

    This is recent but the manager who promoted one employee over another and the whole team was upset. And now the manager wants the first employee to socialize with them and get the team to not be upset. And is unhappy that while the first employee still does good work, she no longer goes above and beyond.

  38. Nessa*

    The person whose coworkers were accusing her of being her boss’s “keeper of his zipper.“ It came up as a related post for me recently and I would really like to hear from them.

  39. Long time lurker*

    This one is from a long time ago, but I would love to see an update on the post about the team with a coworker who passed away, and the team harassed and drove off multiple replacements. It was an awful situation all around, I always wonder if/how it was resolved!

  40. I take tea*

    I still think about the person who bit their coworker and the office was so messed up that it wasn’t even a big deal. They had an update, where they basically said, that the job had some good sides and normal places are boring. It was a perfect example of how a toxic workplace can warp your common sense. I have always felt that it could well have been me, in similar circumstances.

    The comments were surprisingly sympathetic, even if firm. It was the post that got me hooked on AAM.

    I know it’s been over six years, but I still think about it, and hope everything is better now. Maybe the pandemic helped? One can always hope.

    And update – one of the few where Alison commented

  41. Carrie*

    I would love to know what happened with this one: https://www.askamanager.org/2016/02/employer-wants-us-to-install-invasive-gps-trackers-on-our-personal-vehicles-if-we-use-them-for-work.html
    E.g. did the company cover people’s insurance hikes? Did they address how the device would invalidate manufacturer warranties?

    Also this – did Fergus ever back off? The whole situation sounded frustrating and exhausting: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/09/my-coworker-keeps-badgering-me-about-why-i-dont-drive.html

  42. L. Ron's Cupboard*

    I would love to know if the manager who believed people with Leap Year birthdays were only entitled to a day off every 4 years, and the guy who was sexting his coworker and believed it was ‘the new workplace normal’ ever bought a clue.

    1. bripops*

      I was just thinking about the leap year one! especially since this year was a leap year, seems fitting

  43. Irish Teacher.*

    I’d love a second update to the person who bit their coworker: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/07/i-bit-my-coworker.html

    And I’d love one about Dwight the doctor who wanted his boss to phrase “please take care with your diagnoses so you don’t kill any of our patients” as “friendly adv

    ice that (he) could consider”: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/05/i-was-asked-to-be-friendlier-when-giving-feedback-about-serious-safety-issues.html

    I think somebody suggested it above, but I really want to know how things turned out with the guy who stabs furniture with a knife (and hope the LW is getting out of there: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/05/my-coworker-stabs-office-furniture-with-a-knife-and-no-one-thinks-its-a-big-deal.html

    The coworker who is harassing a cancer patient: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/02/a-coworker-is-harassing-my-neighbor-who-is-having-chemo.html

  44. Jack Straw from Wichita*

    I know it was an older letter, but I’d LOVE to hear an update from the LW who had to fire her husband’s ex-wife, Maude.

  45. Former Mailroom Clerk*

    I’d like to see an update from Alison’s nieces, especially now that they may have more work experience than just a first summer job.

    I also know it’s been years, but I’d like to see an update from “Go get your dog” (just because their last update was very positive, and I hope they’re still doing great)

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      Niece M graduated from college and has been living in Australia for the last year and a half. She’s back visiting and I just dropped her off at the train station; she’s heading for NY and then Fiji, then moving to New Zealand. She says her advice is “quit your job.”

      Niece A. just finished her sophomore year of college as a STEM major and has some sort of lab internship this summer.

  46. Jake*

    I’d like another update to the really old letter where the husband quit his wife’s job for her and she was trying to convince us all that it was normal behavior because one of the comments said that she would troubleshoot her husband’s insurance with his permission sometimes.

    I think this one is 10+ years old.

  47. mahooey*

    Ack, I should have remembered my first comment wouldn’t post right away, so instead of replying to it now I have to make a new one – sorry – anyway, here are a few more I’m curious about:
    https://www.askamanager.org/2023/11/my-coworkers-white-fragility-is-getting-in-the-way-of-dei-discussions-and-other-questions-about-race.html (number 3 at the link)

  48. Slinky*

    I’d like to hear if the person from a couple weeks ago managed not to be pied in the face: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/05/i-dont-want-to-be-pied-in-the-face-for-work.html

    I’m also curious about the person from last month whose boss said their work was bad despite evidence to the contrary: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/04/my-boss-says-my-work-is-bad-but-all-evidence-says-the-opposite.html

    I also want to hear if this guy starting turning on the lights: https://www.askamanager.org/2024/01/my-new-hires-office-looks-like-a-dark-flickering-bat-cave-and-is-scaring-off-patrons.html

    1. Bill and Heather's Excellent Adventure*

      I’d be shocked if Bartleby started turning on his lights, to be honest. He doesn’t want to do anything customer-facing.

  49. Bill and Heather's Excellent Adventure*

    It’s the most wonderful time of the half-year~! Still hoping for an update about the team that drove out two(!) managers because they refused to let anyone replace their deceased colleague.

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