I walked in on employees having sex — and I think there’s a sex club in my office

by Alison Green on October 2, 2024

I’m off for a few days so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2015. Is it real? Is it fake? I honestly don’t know. I normally don’t print letters that I think are likely fake, although the update made me less sure. Ultimately I don’t think it matters (as Carolyn Hax has said, every letter in an advice column is a hypothetical except to the person who wrote it) and the advice can be extrapolated and applied to other, less salacious situations regardless.

A reader writes:

I am the manager of a customer service team of about 10-12 members. Most of the team members are right out of school and this is their first professional job and their ages range from 22-24. I am about 10 years older than all of my employees. We have a great team and great working relationships. They all do great work and we have established a great team culture.

Well, a couple of months ago, I noticed something odd that my team (and other employees in the building) started doing. They would see each other in the hallways or break room and say “quack quack” like a duck. I assumed this was an inside joke and thought nothing of it and wrote it off as playful silliness or thought I perhaps missed a moment in a recent movie or TV show to which the quacks were referring.

Fast forward a few months. I needed to do some printing and our printer is in a room that can be locked by anyone when it is in use (our team often has large volumes of printing they need to do and it helps to be able to sort things in there by yourself, as multiple people can get their pages mixed up and it turns into a mess). The door had been locked the entire day and this was around noon, and as the manager I have the key to the door in case someone forgot to unlock it when they left. I walked in, and there were two of my employees on the couch in the copier room having sex. I immediately closed the door and left.

This was last week and as you can imagine things are very awkward between the three of us. I haven’t addressed the situation yet because of a few factors: This was during both of their lunch hours. They were not doing this on the clock (they had both clocked out, I immediately checked). We have an understanding that you can go or do anything on your lunch that you want, as long as you’re back after an hour. Also, as you mentioned in your answer last week to the person who overheard their coworker involved in “adult activities,” these people are adults and old enough to make their own choices.

But that’s not the end of the story. That same day, after my team had left, I was wrapping up and putting a meeting agenda on each of their desks for our meeting the next day. Out in broad daylight on the guys desk (one of the employees I had caught in the printing room) was a piece of paper at the top that said “Duck Club.” Underneath it, it had a list of locations of places in and around the office followed by “points.” 25 points – president’s desk, 10 points – car in the parking lot, 20 points – copier room, etc.

So here is my theory about what is going on (and I think I am right). This “Duck Club” is a club people at work where people get “points” for having sex in these locations around the office. I think that is also where the quacking comes into play. Perhaps this is some weird mating call between members to let them know they want to get some “points” with the other person, and if they quack back, they meet up somewhere to “score.” The two I caught in the copier room I have heard “quacking” before.

I know this is all extremely weird. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to write you because of how weird this seems (plus I was a little embarrassed). I have no idea what to do. As I mentioned above, they weren’t on the clock when this happened, they’re all adults, and technically I broke a rule by entering the copier room when it was locked, and would have never caught them if I had obeyed that rule. The only company rule I can think of that these two broke is using the copier room for other purposes, preventing someone else from using it.

I would love to know your opinion on this. I tend to want to sweep it under the rug because I’m kind of a shy person and would be extremely embarrassed to bring it up.

What?!

The bad news is that I think you’re really, really off-base in how you’re looking at this.

This is not at all like last week’s letter about the coworker who had sex in a private hotel room after work hours. This is people having sex in the office while people around them are working. It’s not okay. It doesn’t matter if they were on a break or that the door was locked and you weren’t supposed to walk in. It’s totally, utterly unacceptable, and you absolutely cannot sweep it under the rug.

You don’t need to be able to point to a specific rule in order to be able to say a particular behavior isn’t acceptable. You’ll never be able to think of everything you need a rule for, and you definitely don’t want to work somewhere that attempts that. It’s enough to say that you expect people to behave professionally and exercise common sense. And it’s perfectly acceptable to take people to task — or you know, fire them — for having sex in the office during work hours. (Or outside of work hours, for that matter, but it’s particularly egregious that it was during work hours, with people around.)

You’ve got to talk to them, and very soon. By putting it off, you’re signaling that you’re okay with it. You need to tell them in no uncertain terms that what you saw was unacceptable and never to happen again, and you need to take that sheet you found at the printer and find out what on earth is going on with that — and put a clear and direct stop to it too.

I would call them both into your office and say this: “I should have addressed this with you the day it happened, but I’ve been so shocked that this would happen in our office that I’ve been trying to think about what I can possibly say to you. What I walked in on the other day is unacceptable. You cannot under any circumstances engage in sexual behavior in this office. Doing that during that work day when coworkers are around — regardless of whether or not you were clocked in — is wildly unprofessional, and gives me serious pause about your judgment and professionalism.”

You also need to talk to your other team members, since you have reason to think that people are having sex all over your office. For points.

For points.

But before doing that — and in fact, possibly before talking to the two employees who you caught in the act — you need to talk to your own manager about all of this. This is messed up enough that any good manager would want to know about it and have input into how it’s being handled (or at least be in the loop about how it’s being handled).

I get that you’re embarrassed to have to talk to people about this at all. But you have to. It’s going to be far, far more embarrassing if your manager finds out at some point that you knew about this and said nothing. You will look complicit and you will look like you shared in your staff’s bad judgment.

You also probably need to take a look at who’s on your team, whether they belong there, and what kind of culture is in place that has allowed them to think this is (a) reasonable and (b) something that you wouldn’t notice. It is absolutely true that when you have a team of 10+ people who are all in their first professional job, weird pack behavior can develop. But part of your job as a manager is to shape your culture and your team’s understanding of professionalism. If it’s turned into a sex club, that’s a sign that you need to revisit all of this.

Read an update to this letter here.

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{ 239 comments }

{ 239 comments… read them below }

    1. Jennifer Strange*

      Was just talking to someone about the DuckTales reboot (we’re both millennials who grew up with the original series).

      1. Ally McBeal*

        My ringtone is a mash-up of the Ducktales theme song and “Tipsy” by J-Kwon. My millennial heart bursts with joy every time I actually have my ringer on and somebody calls (and my introverted millennial heart is very glad that that doesn’t happen frequently).

  2. MPerera*

    I wonder if the person who scored the highest got a prize of some sort. Perhaps they became the founder of a duck dynasty.

    3. stratospherica*

      I feel like this is one of the rare situations where the satisfaction of having won is adequate as a prize.

  3. GenX, PhD, Enters the Chat*

    Aside from this being wildly inappropriate, I have serious hygiene concerns about people having sex on other people’s desks and IN OTHER PEOPLE’S CARS. I am so grossed out right now.

    1. Phony Genius*

      I assume that the car would belong to one of the “participants.” Then again, for a this type of (alleged) behavior I shouldn’t assume anything.

        1. Hlao-roo*

          Yeah, the update says:

          a few people reported that it looked like their cars had been broken into, but nothing had been stolen. The reason they noticed something was because their seats had been pushed all the way forward (perhaps some duck members scoring more points?)

          1. The Original K.*

            I remember wanting to fight – the idea of someone breaking into my car to bang makes me see red.

            2. KaciHall*

              This might be the only time I’ve been happy that my mental state the past few months has led to my car being a disaster zone.

              1. sheworkshardforthemoney*

                My car is an extension of my living space so if you can make whoopie in it I will be very impressed. Also circulate a notice to all staff that for security reasons keep your car locked at work.

              2. Kiwi*

                Our area has had a series of vehicular breakins lately – my husband’s car is so full of trash and gross sweaty work clothes that although we’ve seen it get rifled through, no one’s taken anything. It’s not a conventional anti-intruder tactic, but I can’t say it’s not effective!

                (Hope your mental state improves though!!)

          2. Chirpy*

            Yeah, that was the point where I would be buying a dashcam and making a police report. Do what you want in your own time outside of work, but NOT IN MY CAR OR OFFICE, GAH!

    2. londonedit*

      That was the bit I didn’t understand – who the hell parks their car somewhere and doesn’t lock it?? Were they also stealing the keys??? How were they doing that? I can’t believe there would be multiple people who would just leave their car unlocked all day.

      1. ScruffyInternHerder*

        I figured that the “broken into” part meant they were locked?

        Yes, I went and read the update. Holy wow.

        1. Czhorat*

          I am not at all a lawyer, but my understanding is that the “breaking” part of “breaking and entering” is any action to gain entry; opening an unlocked car door without being invited to is legally “breaking in”

          1. ScruffyInternHerder*

            Well I potentially learned something today :)

            (Off to go see what that definition happens to be in my location…)

          2. ecnaseener*

            In legalese, yes, but when someone says “my car was broken into” the colloquial meaning is forced entry of some kind.

            1. Eldritch Office Worker*

              I don’t think that’s necessarily across the board. People often say their cars have been broken into if they just left them unlocked, but someone entered who wasn’t supposed to.

            3. SimonTheGreyWarden*

              My locks were punched out on my first car many years ago; I called that “broken into”. A week later, before the locks were fixed, someone got in my car and scattered the stuff from my glove box everywhere. I called that “broken into” as well.

      2. Nebula*

        I think the implication was that they were stealing the keys and presumably returning them right after they’d finished their duck club activities. Which seems a bit far-fetched but who knows.

      3. Audrey Puffins*

        I work in a rural location with no passing traffic and the car park is in full sight of the entire office. I personally always lock my doors, but I also leave my window wide open on hot days so my AC-less car is bearable when I get in at the end of the day, and I’m not the only one. All depends on your circumstances, I guess (and there’s no risk of any duck club shenanigans in our car park!)

        1. RVA Cat*

          Now I’m picturing good ol’ boys jumping through the window of a Dodge Charger with a Pride flag on the roof. The General Stonewall!

        2. londonedit*

          If I leave my car window open the alarm goes off (I think probably it can detect the air blowing through or something). I’ve always locked my car, even when we lived in a rural area with a very low crime rate. My parents’ car locks itself when you walk away from it. I just can’t imagine leaving a car unlocked for the whole working day – it’s ingrained in my psyche to lock the car before you walk away.

      4. GenX, PhD, Enters the Chat*

        Somebody at work could snag my keys, go to my car for a bit, then come back and put them back in my purse, easy peasy.

      5. Wilbur*

        Just a friendly PSA-if you have an attached garage with a garage door opener and you keep your car unlocked (with the opener inside), then you essentially are leaving your house unlocked. I’ve found a lot of people have not considered this.

        1. fhqwhgads*

          I assume you mean leave the door from the garage into the house unlocked? Otherwise you’ve just left your garage unlocked. Unless you’re implying entry to the garage equals infinite attempts to pick the door lock.

          1. I went to school with only 1 Jennifer*

            I share your assumption, and apparently a lot of people do this? (I’ve never had an attached garage so it hasn’t come up for me.) But of course, once someone is in the garage they have a lot of privacy to break into the house, and I’ll bet a lot of those doors are interior ones, meaning probably hollow and probably with no deadbolt.

      6. Not Tom, Just Petty*

        I have coworkers with autostart buttons on their cars. They walk a couple feet to the window, click and see their cars start. I figure these duckers do take the keys and hit the remote entry from the window.

        1. tangerineRose*

          I kind of wish now that someone in the office would accidentally hit the panic button on the car while 2 members of the duck club are in it.

      7. Nonanon*

        I’ve had one or two days where I was leaving in a hurry, and to my chagrin came back to a car I forgot to lock (typically with one of my older cars that was sold to me without a key fob; if I didn’t lock the car manually, it didn’t lock. Bit easier to press the fob button and be on with my day). You can chide me all you want, but humans will human and have absent minded days.
        (ASSUMING Duck Club members were just taking advantage of unlocked cars; there are several gradations of how they were entering parked vehicles, from legally breaking and entering to “Hey Prudence, I left the TPS reports in my car but am going to be in meetings until noon could you go get them here are my keys thanks! Oh, quack quack, I agree!”)

      9. Ellis Bell*

        It’s pretty easy to get keys from colleagues, it’s not like people have lockboxes at work. Once worked somewhere where was a colleague’s car who got moved as a prank; she has just left them out on her desk (she was amused, I wouldn’t have been). Honestly, even if the big boss’ “it’s nothing’ verdict had to be obeyed, I would have pushed to investigate what was happening with the cars. Surely there are security cameras.

        2. allathian*

          Some people do have lockboxes at work, or at least lockers with locks that actually work. One of my cousins has a security-related job. I don’t know exactly what because he isn’t allowed to say, and I’ve only inferred the security stuff from the fact that he isn’t allowed to keep his personal phone on him at work and not even his wife knows his work phone number. If there’s an emergency and someone has to reach him at work, they have to call the company exchange. During the workday, his personal phone is in locked storage.

          I despise pranks and don’t think they belong at work, ever. Even the most anodyne prank where the prankee is as enthusiastic about it as the pranksters is a waste of time and/or resources, like the time at a previous job when someone got the great idea of putting post-it notes all over someone’s office. No permanent damage was done but it took a lot of time to set up. At least the manager forced the culprits to clean up as well, and they got a talking-to for wasting the notes. Nobody had the time or the inclination to try and stick them together again, so they were simply thrown away.

          At worst they’re malicious to the point of bullying, like if the prank involves triggering someone’s phobia. I’ve never worked for an office where people dress up or decorate for Halloween, but once a coworker brought in a jack-in-the-box. Some people really don’t enjoy being startled, but that wasn’t the worst of it. In this case, the victim had severe arachnophobia, and the jack-in-the-box contained an extraordinarily lifelike spider about the size of my fist, and my then-coworker had a full-blown panic attack when it jumped at her like a facehugger from Alien. She screamed the place down. The prankster tried to make it like it was no big deal, but the prankee took the rest of the week off on sick leave, and got her revenge because the prankster had to finish the project they were working on together and the deadline was tight. He tried to get others to help him but we were all busy with own projects and he’d thrown away all his social capital with his prank.

          When the prankee returned to work, she asked not to be put on the same projects with the prakster again. The company didn’t want to lose her, so they agreed with her request. The prankster eventually left the company when he found that nobody who had any clout wanted to work with him, so he never got any interesting projects assigned to him again.

          But yeah, the duck club is a classic for a reason, and the big boss is horrible.

          1. Happy*

            This is really interesting to me because I did a similar prank once on April Fool’s Day (used a bunch of post-it notes to “claim” a coworker’s belongings with a third person’s name). The three of us got years of joy out of it.

            I realize that many people don’t want to be the recipient of a prank, but it never would have occurred to me that this could be the sort of thing that might bother a bystander!

  4. Stella70*

    It could have been worse. Could have been a Cattle Club and people walked around, moo-ing at each other all day.
    Or a Hyena Club.
    Or Howler Monkeys?
    Oooohhh, Fainting Goats!

        1. MagicEyes*

          I used to have a coworker who did this. It was very annoying. I’m sure it wasn’t related to a sex club–just an in-joke with another coworker.

    2. Silver Robin*

      “sorry boss, we just fainted right into each other! and our clothes spontaneously disappeared!”

      1. AFac*

        I always have a similar thought when I hear about people cheating on their partners and giving a passive “well, it just happened”-type excuse. Your private parts ‘just happened’ to encounter the other person’s private parts. Right.

        1. Silver Robin*

          yeah, it basically amounts to “I turned off the moral/logic part of my brain and just went with my impulses, and when that part came back online – whoops! looks like my impulses ran wild! who would have thunk??”

        2. Strive to Excel*

          Captain Awkward had a great letter on this. A cheating spouse wrote in and CA’s first response was “you need to stop framing this as something that happened to you rather than being something you chose to do every step of the way”. I don’t recall which one it was, or I’d link it.

        3. Elitist Semicolon*

          There’s a great line from The West Wing when Sam tells Toby he “accidentally” slept with a call girl and Toby blinks and says, flatly, “I don’t understand. Did you trip over something?”

        4. N C Kiddle*

          I once made my best friend laugh by referring to my mum as “Mrs Whoops I Was Helping My Husband’s Friend With Laundry And Accidentally Fell On His D**k”. I’m not particularly bitter about the divorce itself 35 years later, but it’s the most extreme example of her refusal to take responsibility for anything and I am bitter about that.

    4. Not Tom, Just Petty*

      I think every time this letter pops up, I have a sudden realization… OH DUCK, I get it. And then, five years later, I’m reading, “what’s up with DUCK…?

    6. TheBunny*

      I’m dying of laughter while trying to explain to my husband why I’m laughing. Which is just making him more confused and making this funnier.

      Fainting goats!!!

  6. NeonFireworks*

    This was the letter that brought me to AAM in the first place. I caught two coworkers having sex in the office after hours, and later a friend I told of it burst out laughing and said it was ‘just like that online advice column letter that went viral’.

    1. You Can Call Me Flower*

      What did you do after you caught them? Did you say anything? Never make eye contact again? This would make me so uncomfortable.

      1. NeonFireworks*

        Pretended I’d never seen a thing and never told anyone else at work about it. No sex please we’re British. (OK, I’m technically not but my career’s taken me to England.)

  7. Juicebox Hero*

    Ah, the epic tale of seducktion in the workplace, where birds of a feather fck… I mean flock, together. If there were an AAM hall of fame, this one would be induckted for sure.

  8. Lydia*

    The amount of time it took me to realize it was called duck club because of autocorrect is embarrassing.

    2. Czhorat*

      I still don’t read it that way; it’s “duck club” because quacking is the sign. Unless you think they chose the quack because of the typical autocomplete?

      1. FashionablyEvil*

        Yes, I assumed they named it that because of the autocomplete and then the quacking just went along with the theme.

  9. Juicebox Hero*

    Oh, and for my fellow duck lovers, if you need a fun video fix, search Youtube for Indian Runner Ducks. They stand upright like penguins and don’t fly, and instead of waddling they scoot along like the Road Runner.

  10. DramaQ*

    WOW. Just when I thought my husband’s story about his coworkers having sex on the production floor and not getting fired was the pinnacle of WTF in the workplace.

    Now I am wondering if the LW is related to the owner of that company because this is EXACTLY the logic he used to justify not firing them.

    I hope someone informed the president because if I found out that there was a game where people were challenged to have sex on my desk I would burn it just in case and then demand a coded lock be installed on my office door.

    1. Czhorat*

      It reminds me the joke about the husband who worked at a canning factory and kept confessing to his wife that he felt this *compulsion* to put his penis in the pickle-slicer.

        1. DramaQ*

          Nobody got fired! The owner of the company literally said there isn’t a rule saying you CANNOT have sex on the production floor during work hours where your coworker will walk in and catch you so therefore there were no grounds for termination.

          I commented that that should have at least been a biosafety violation given what they were doing and where. I highly doubt they were wearing proper PPE during their activities. My husband was like “Really? THAT is your take on this?!”

          They DID stop having sex on the production floor. They moved to hiding behind the buildings and having sex outside. Where they were also caught. Since that wasn’t in the building that was okay too.

          So yeah I 100% believe this letter could be true and the LW actually believes the gold worthy mental gymnastics they’ve done to get to their conclusion about the subject.

            1. No clever username*

              and I was today years old when I realized you can’t use emoji on AAM so my comment that was supposed to have a friendly winky face instead seems super angry. sorry!

          2. Nonanon*

            Oh my god I don’t know what’s better the Air Bud rule of “no one says you can’t” or “was proper PPE worn”… which is either one way to ask if they used protection OR an incredibly specific kink.

          3. JustaTech*

            Maybe having sex outside the building was “ok” with the company owner, but it does risk running afoul (sorry) of indecent exposure laws (depending on who could see them and from where).

            Also, I too would have gone to the “PPE violation”.
            “Yes, there is no rule that says you can’t have sex on the production floor, but there *is* a rule that says you can’t take off your sterile coveralls on the production floor!”

            1. Star Trek Nutcase*

              The whole not-a-rule thing is ridiculous. There’s no “rule” you can’t pee on the shop floor, can’t wipe you boogers on a product, can’t bring a donkey to keep you company, etc. but they’re still not permitted. It’s childish to pretend just because a specific rule isn’t listed, it’s allowable. Unfortunately some (bad) bosses will go to any length to avoid confrontation or taking action.

              1. Ellis Bell*

                If they really need a rule to do anything, they could have at least said “Okay now it’s an official rule, to not have sex at work; congratulations for making us state the obvious” before the employees in question started picking out new sex locations.

              2. DramaQ*

                And now I’m off to see what the employee handbook says about emotional support donkeys.

                I’ll report back about if “Well it doesn’t say I can’t have a donkey!” works for support animals as well as it apparently works for sex.

              3. Irish Teacher.*

                I have students who try that one – “but Miss, you only said we weren’t to talk during the test. You didn’t say we couldn’t sing.” It never works, because yeah, some things are pretty clear.

          4. HonorBox*

            Just because there isn’t a rule doesn’t mean it isn’t something for which someone could be fired.

            Just because your handbook doesn’t say that you can’t bring in a blow torch and burn trash in the dumpster, methinks that one could face some severe penalties if they did that.

  11. Czhorat*

    While this is almost certainly fake, it brings to mind two things:

    1) I’m glad the person who is always asked about the ducks doesn’t work here – we could get sitcom levels of misunderstanding!

    2) Can we all take a moment to appreciate that LW’s takeaway was that the only rule they broke was “using the copy room for activities other than copying” and not running a literal sex club? That’s an impressive bit of literal-mindedness.

    1. ecnaseener*

      Now I’m imagining the person getting asked about ducks is in the duck-club workplace and just doesn’t know it. People keep trying to invite them to join the club but they’re just eternally oblivious and bemused at why this keeps happening. (Never mind that one letter took place in food service and the other in an office, I can dream.)

    2. Deanna*

      I’m not convinced it’s fake. I sent this to my dad (an employment lawyer who’s seen a lot), and his read was that this is absolutely something he’d expect to come across in his work.

    3. Seal*

      I’m inclined to think it’s a true story, albeit outrageous (but also funny!). As an undergraduate, I was a member of my school’s marching band, which was housed in the basement of one of the campus buildings. In addition to its administrative offices, their space included locker rooms, storage rooms for instruments and uniforms, an instrument repair shop, and large rehearsals halls. A handful of band students managed or worked in many of these spaces; a few of these students had master keys and permission to be in the building 24/7. These were undergrads, so there was DEFINITELY sex going on in any room that had a locking door and code words or phrases causally dropped into conversations (if you knew, you knew). One legendary couple even did it in the band director’s office. As an adult many years removed from my undergraduate days I marvel and cringe at the audacity of youth, but back in the day it was all about the thrill of breaking the rules and getting away with it (see also smoking, drinking, getting high…).

      That said, I was also taken aback by the LW’s take on whether or not the copy room lovers broke any rules, as well as the fact that they seem to think it’s ok for employees to have sex on company property when they’re not on the clock. Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees!

      1. HonorBox*

        I’m in total agreement with your second paragraph. LW was sexually harassed by two people who worked for them, yet they didn’t break rules? They unwittingly had to witness two people in the middle of an act, and then it took weeks to be able to address them.

        No rules my foot…

        1. Venus*

          In the followup the big boss essentially said “Meh, it doesn’t break any rules” so I’m not surprised that LW’s reaction was skewed.

      2. Nodramalama*

        The reason I don’t believe it is because of the update where people are breaking into people’s cars to have sex and everyone’s response was, huh thats weird.

    4. Media Monkey*

      i think it’s true, because the update wasn’t that satisfying. i think a fake letter would have had a massive denouement with everyone involved getting fired/ everyone being in on it apart from OP/ a lawsuit from wronged duckees/ multiple office pregnancies.

  12. DivergentStitches*

    I’m the socially awkward one who would quack back at someone because I wouldn’t know what it was in reference to and wanted to fit in, and then would have an awkward interaction later when the person came up to me to follow up…

    1. DramaQ*

      Bwahaha! I am the same and I am getting second hand embarrassment thinking about it.

      Also just in case if you ever see pineapples on people’s desks at work I suggest you do not follow suit putting one on your desk. :)

        2. VintageLydia*

          It’s a common signal for swingers, especially if it’s upside down but not always, but it’s also a symbol of hospitality for general Southern culture.

          1. FashionablyEvil*

            The doorknocker on our front door is a pineapple (it was here when we moved in). I am now suddenly worried we have been giving our neighbors the wrong impression…

            1. VintageLydia*

              it’s most likely the hospitality interpretation but with swinger one is just obscure enough you’re probably okay

          3. Gumby*

            Though I don’t think it was the intention at all – this knowledge puts a new spin on the entire series of Psych.

        3. Czhorat*

          No pineapples in this office, but my coworker two cubes over has some rubber ducks on his cube divider.

          1. Might Be Spam*

            Is your coworker in IT? Rubber duck debugging, is when you explain your code line-by-line to an inanimate object, like a rubber duck. Talking out your problem helps you solve it.

            1. Sola Lingua Bona Lingua Mortua Est*

              TIL. Most of the other programmers I know call it “Rubber Ducking” and explain it to a golf ball.

            3. JustaTech*

              I had several professors in college who deployed a teddy bear during exams with a sign that said “Before you ask Professor Z your question you must first ask Professor Bear” because so, so, so often people would figure out their question in the middle of asking the professor, so it was more efficient to have them go ” … Oh! Now I get it, bye!” to the bear rather than the person.

              1. Silver Robin*

                that is absolutely delightful, thank you for the image of stressed college students talking to a teddy during their exam.

            4. lemon*

              oh wow! I work in IT and my predecessors have left several ducks around our cubes and I’ve always wondered why. Never heard of this before, though I was familiar with “teddy-bear teaching” which another commenter mentioned below.

            5. Festively Dressed Earl*

              Great, now I’m imagining the IT department in the duck-club office having extremely off color rubber-duck convos. Otis Milburn thought he had a normal job until his coworkers gave “debugging” a whole new meaning….

            6. Might Be Spam*

              For a couple of years, my job was basically being the rubber duck for the programmers.
              I was technical support for the programmers, but they usually ended up figuring out their own answers. Which was good, because my first day there, they handed me a technical manual for a database system I had never heard of and told me that Dave needed help. I asked him a few questions and he figured it out fairly quickly, but gave me the credit. Lol

              I miss the days when Dave would stick his head around the doorframe into my doorway and sigh deeply.
              Hello Dave, how are you?
              Deeper sigh. “It doesn’t work.”
              What doesn’t work, Dave?
              Sad and depressed sigh. “The frigging thing doesn’t work.”
              Come in and tell me about the frigging thing, Dave.
              Dave proceeds to solve his problem.

  13. juliebulie*

    After reading the update, I am curious. Can you actually sell condoms out of a tampon vending machine? I would think that condoms wouldn’t fit in a space that was meant for tampons.

    1. Eldritch Office Worker*

      Yeah they’re not terribly customized. You can put a lot of things in there and the latch will just drop. Think of food vending machines with different sizes/shapes of snacks in universal slots.

    2. Liane*

      Some have spaces for sanitary napkins/pads or even single doses of Tylenol or similar meds. Those might have room.

      1. Zephy*

        The single-serve pill packets are usually approximately the same dimensions as a condom, so that’s not outside the realm of possibility.

    3. Jennifer Strange*

      It’s been a hot second since I’ve bought a tampon from a bathroom machine, but I think they put them in horizontally to roll out, so I think a condom would be able to go in? Condoms are also pretty pliable, so it’s possible they’re squished in there (which could lead to holes and other…uh…consequences, but I digress…)

  14. NobodyHasTimeForThis*

    The fact that this was reprinted the day after the letter that all people want to talk about is ducks is making me chuckle an unreasonable amount.

    1. Persephone Mulberry*

      TBH I wish the order had been reversed, so that the cute duck letter could be a palate cleanser after this WTF…er…Duckery.

  15. bunniferous*

    A friend of mine just passed away and we had an in -joke regarding the time she’d been on an airplane and the plane hit a duck in mid flight-we used to quack at each other.

    After reading this (again….) I don’t think I’ll be sharing that story publically any time soon! Yikes!

    1. Jennifer Strange*

      I’m so sorry about your friend. That in-joke, though, reminds me of one I saw somewhere (tumblr?) where someone says they were giving directions to a friend who was driving. The friend was about the miss the exit they needed, so the writer tried to shout “Quick!” and “Fast!” at the same time, the result being them shouting “Quack!”. I always get a chuckle out of that one.

      1. Baunilha*

        That reminds of the story of the person who bumped into someone and tried to say both “Are you okay?” and “I’m so f*cking sorry!” at the same time, and ended up with “Are you f*cking sorry?!”

        1. Silver Robin*

          that one gets me giggling every time. the panicked tone paired with such an aggressive sentence is perfection

      2. bunniferous*

        LOL! These stories make me smile…..

        A little off topic, I found out she died while I was at work-as in, I work part time for a florist (I’m semi retired) and someone called to order flowers for her funeral.

        It’s a hazard of the job. Third time I find out someone I know died-and this time I was customer facing with other people waiting to be served. Oof.

      3. TM*

        Wow, good to know one advantage for those of us who say “fAHst” rather than the short-A “fast” – we will never have that particular problem.

        (FWIW, we say “quack!” like anyone else, not “quARk!”, so no physics hiccups either!)

    1. linger*

      Apparently our student union even had someone in charge of supplying condoms to the biannual inter-university sports competitions. Finding out much later, my reaction was:
      “I didn’t even know that was an event! … Who came first?”

  17. WheresMyPen*

    So just yesterday we had a lovely, wholesome duck story, and now the name of ducks has been sullied :O

    1. Aggretsuko*

      Ducks are very dirty when you get to know them. I used to see extremely horrifying duck gang sex at my old job…actual ducks, not humans.

        1. linger*

          And even that doesn’t stop them. (The Ig Nobel committee observes “Duck Day”, an annual commemoration of the classic Biology Prize awarded for the “first recorded case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard”.)

  20. Nonanon*

    The GASP I just let out because DUCK CLUB MADE IT TO THE “I’m taking a break this week” ROTATION.
    I cannot throw celebrating emoji hands in here but if I could, it would be all of them.

    3. HSE Compliance*

      Given that the LW was experiencing a lot of negative emotions around the entire situation to the point where they were considering leaving the entire field to get away from it, let’s not do this.

    1. Paint N Drip*

      SAME. I’m cool with most adult coworkers doing whatever but if I have to be involved (like encountering… evidence) I am gonna rage bro

  25. Mike Engle*

    I saw Alison’s comments to the update. Seeing how rare it is for Alison to make a comment after an update, I hope the duck club offers some points for doing it on your birthday, but that the Feb-29 birthday has to wait every four years and can’t claim the bonus on Feb-28 or Mar-01

  26. T.N.H*

    Has anyone ever worked somewhere with copier that you could lock up even when you weren’t in the room? Proof that this didn’t happen :)

    1. Eldritch Office Worker*

      Yes, that’s often how locks work? I don’t understand your question. OP explained why they had a key to the room.

      1. T.N.H*

        This is what I’m referring to: in case someone forgot to unlock it when they left.

        How? From what LW says, none of these employees have a key.

        1. Hroethvitnir*

          Locks where you turn a latch on the inside but require a key on the outside are very common.

          1. JustaTech*

            Yup, I’ve accidentally locked rooms behind me because I locked the door from the inside and the lock didn’t actually disengage when I opened the door, so when it swung shut it locked and required a key to open.

    2. I'm A Little Teapot*

      I’ve seen it. Repeatedly. Locking up expensive equipment is not all that crazy, especially if you have the public going through the area.

    4. Cicily*

      What I don’t understand is how a locked copier room is supposed to prevent pages of different print jobs from getting mixed together. If the printer on a network where jobs just line up and print one after the other, someone could print whether another person is already using it or not. If it’s not and the person needs to physically print or copy items, then they’ll see that printer is already in use and have to wait.

      Access to the printer itself needs to be locked, not the room it’s in.

      1. Strive to Excel*

        That confused me a bit as well. I think it means that if there are multiple people inside all trying to sort out their print jobs at once, things get tangled, and that having just one person in there splitting out the jobs to piles can cut down on that.

        1. Cicily*

          But then that completely prevents people from just grabbing the single page that the boss asked them to print out for a meeting. What if the person with the huge print job is in there for like an hour? Everyone has to wait? Or is it just one person after another knocking and being like, “I’ll only be a minute, I promise!”

          So bizarre.

      2. I DK*

        Easy Peasy … Secure printing, you have to enter a code to get your print jobs and can’t print anyone else’s. That’s how the ~150 coworkers and I share 4 copiers every day.

        1. Cicily*

          Yes, that’s what we do too. That’s not what is being talked about in the letter, where there is a physical lock on a physical door.

          That’s what I meant by saying that the printer needs to be secured, not the door.

    5. Happy*

      Yes, of course. It’s easy enough to lock the door handle from the inside and then shut it from the outside.

    6. Hyaline*

      Yep. Ours locks automatically (it has a keypad). Why? I couldn’t tell you, except maybe to keep students from accessing it for duck club (or copy their butts club or whatever).

    7. HonorBox*

      Locks like this are very common. Maybe not on a copy room, but its possible. The lock can be engaged from one side of the door and when the door is closed, the lock stays engaged. I had to disengage the lock on one of my kids’ bedroom doors once because they accidentally pushed the lock and the door slammed because of wind.

      1. HonorBox*

        I just checked the copy room at my office. You can totally lock it from the inside and not be in there. Someone would need a master key to open the door back up.

  27. Bebe*

    While this does seem unbelievable….employees at a major utility in my city were busted a couple of years ago for having a designated break room for co-workers who wanted to have sex during the work day, so it’s not outside the realm of possibility!

    1. Eldritch Office Worker*

      It’s always so funny to me – there were comments on yesterday’s student-employee letter about it being unbelievable too, and I don’t find either to be terribly far-fetched. Maybe from working in HR, maybe from working with young professionals…neither is GOOD but I fully believe both letters.

    2. Lizzianna*

      About 15 years ago, a major newspaper broke a story about this type of behavior at a federal agency I work with, it was bad enough that the entire agency was restructured. Imagine OP or someone in her chain of command getting called in front of Congress to explain this.

    3. TM*

      Yup, I walked in on a young colleague bonking his gf on the break room pool table during evening shift many years ago. But my critique was more about the semi-public venue.

      I’m prepared to admit to doing the wild thing in more than one workplace, but behind assuredly locked doors, no-one else on the premises, both of us women on each occasion, and, hm, no clothing was removed. These days of colocated data centres means fewer on-premises server rooms, and that’s all that needs to be said.

  28. Strive to Excel*

    Alison’s point of “I print letters where I feel the answer would be useful” is really being borne out by all the commenters talking about their coworkers in really inappropriate situations! Maybe there isn’t a duck club, but there’s clearly a fair share of managers who have to confront the managerial problem of “I caught my employees on work time in work space, how on earth do I handle this”.

  29. Minimal Pear*

    Wasn’t someone saying on one of the earlier rerun posts that they thought Duck Club might be coming up?

  30. Email optional*

    I’m being dim but I’m really curious, does Alison’s comment here mean she thought it was *more* likely to be fake after the update? Or less?

    1. HonorBox*

      I read it as more likely to be fake. And I think I agree. I have a really hard time believing that a boss’s boss would be so passive about this. They’re sanctioning s-ual harassment – no one should be subjected to unwittingly walking in to see coworkers doing it. They could be sanctioning assault. They could be party to some sort of lawsuit if someone got pregnant because the vending machine was supplying faulty condoms.

      I don’t necessarily call BS directly, but for all leadership – LW, LW’s boss, boss’s boss – to be so willing to overlook this … that’s at least something to ponder.

      1. James*

        The only reason I can think they’d overlook it is if they’re in the club themselves. Which would be awful due to the power dynamics…

  31. Chirpy*

    This is like…buy a dashcam for the car, and figure out how to cover the desk in chili powder or something every time you leave, gah!

    If I were braver, I’d start banging on every door before I went in and shouting loudly to attempt to embarrass the duck club (or at least so I hopefully wasn’t walking in on them). But I’d also be figuring out how to report a hostile workplace.

  32. Elspeth McGillicuddy*

    If this was real, there is absolutely no chance the whole team of 10-12 people are happily in on Duck Club. Obviously some people have to be enthusiastic, and probably some people are happy to know about it but don’t want to participate, but I guarantee you that some people are deeply uncomfortable to even know about it, and very likely some have felt pressured to participate.

    I’m thinking of how it would feel like if I was at my first job and my peers were doing this. I would feel so INCREDIBLY uncomfortable.

    1. jam berry*

      I had the same concerns, especially after reading the update where at best leadership mocked her for reporting it or at worst is participating.

  33. Victoria*

    The perfect storm of yesterday’s letter writer flirting with the intern and today’s Duck Club reminds me of when I was 19 and working in fast food over 40 years ago. One of our managers, in her early 30s, if I remember correctly, used to disappear into the office with an 18-year-old when he was on break. Later she started driving the camper to work and they’d retreat to the camper for his breaks.
    The rest of us considered it strange, but not highly inappropriate or possibly coercive. Times have changed. For the better.

    1. Star Trek Nutcase*

      Agreed. And an upper boss who sees no issue with a duck club/sex in office is probably also ignoring or condoning other activity that coworkers shouldn’t be exposed too and/or aren’t comfortable reporting cause this moron is such a good ole boy and just says people will be people.

    2. Ginny Weasley*

      When I was a teenager, I waitressed at a local diner. A couple of the part-time waitresses were also currently serving prison time and were allowed out on work permits. One of these waitresses was also dating the owner. He lived in a house/apartment that was attached to the restaurant. I think you could get to the house through or past his office. The two of them often disappeared to his office/living space for large periods of time during her shifts. As a teenager, I didn’t really think that far into it, it was always during slower times in the afternoon. As an adult… I have a much clearer idea of what they were doing.

  35. Berin*

    Fascinating to get this letter so quickly after the letter asking if it’s okay to have sex in the middle of the day if you work from home. Also interesting to see the comments on this one vs the comments on that letter, where most commenters were very much supportive of the idea that having sex in the middle of the work day is fine as long as you’re WFH.

    1. VintageLydia*

      There are a lot of key differences there, namely being one is in the privacy of your own home where a random coworker won’t walk in on you while the other is very much public, and likely the point is it being semi-public/thrill of possibly being caught (based on the points system described.)

      1. Strive to Excel*

        Also, there’s a key difference between two people in a committed relationship who don’t work in the same company and having a workplace full of people swinging with each other. In terms of the potential for drama.

      2. DramaQ*

        HUGE difference between having sex at home in your bedroom vs doing it in the copy room during work hours.

        Sex clubs are private events/spaces where it’s agreed that if you are there you are there for one thing only.

        I doubt most of us are going to work expecting to walk in on our coworkers banging in the copy room. We are there to work not be privvy to what you look like naked.

        Now if the WFH couple had been doing it in front of his computer with the camera/sound still on and a coworker ended up seeing a peep show your argument would be more valid.

        Having sex in your own bedroom during your lunch break? It’s discreet, it’s private nobody needs to know.

        There is nothing discreet about having sex in the copy room during work hours. The whole game is to not get caught (or maybe get caught depending on the player’s preference? IDK).

        And from the update this sounds like it is a condoned sex ring that may have participants all the way up to the top of the food chain. Which is insane.

    2. Ellis Bell*

      Even at home, it’s only okay if it’s completely separated from work to the point no colleagues could even guess why you were AFK. So for example, the boss who was carrying on with his subordinate/subordinate’s fiancée and they were visibly in clothing disarray when they joined a zoom call; that’s not okay even they were was at his house. Thie reason this is so egregious is that is a work environment where all the employees knew what was going on. Even if they didn’t see/hear colleagues getting it on, the quacking at each other and distribution of points sheets are a way (childish) of bringing your colleagues into your sexploits that is bound to make someone uncomfortable. That’s completely aside from their breaking into colleagues’ cars (!!) Also, it’s a workplace; in a professional building someone is always going to have a copy of the keys!

    3. Festively Dressed Earl*

      I think we could build a pretty comprehensive sex-and-the-workplace decision tree by now, based solely on AAM submissions.

    4. Irish Teacher.*

      Yeah, as well as what other people have said, the sex isn’t exactly the only issue here (which yeah, is an indication of how bizarre this situation is). They are possibly breaking in to colleagues’ cars and having sex on other people’s desks.

      To me, that is very, very different from having sex in the privacy of your own home.

      Also, work from home is (often) different from in person work. There isn’t necessarily a clear “work day.” In many roles, part of the advantage of working from home is that you can adapt your schedule to suit yourself. So if somebody works from 9-1, then takes a three hour break, during which they have sex, then works again from 4pm-8pm, I don’t see that as any different than somebody working 9-5 and having sex at 9pm.

  37. Zephy*

    Yesterday’s comments invoked the Duck Club, and lo, here it is – so let me throw out my predictions for what other classic letters we may see again while Alison is on break:
    – bird phobia (the letter that brought me here)
    – intern dress code petition
    – spicy food thief
    – cheap-ass rolls
    – guacamole bob

    1. Two-Faced Big-Haired Food Critic*

      Britches Jane, who showed a “respect gap” by stating that she couldn’t keep working if she kept not getting paid.

    3. Need more electrolytes*

      Bird phobia was definitely one of my first as well. These are all chef’s kiss stories that make me glad I work with actual human adults.

    4. Jennifer Strange*

      Adding the one where the LW’s new boss was a woman he had ghosted three years prior.

    6. The Not-An-Underpants Gnome*

      I would LOVE to see Guacamole Bob, especially since I tried to find it myself and failed miserably. *sadface*

  38. If it quacks like a duck...*

    Oh please please please Alison see if you can get another update! I know it’s years ago, but it would be great to know if anything more happened. Thank you.

  39. MagicEyes*

    I came in to work one morning and my chair was broken. I’m pretty sure someone used it for some hanky-panky. It’s not okay to use someone else’s chair, even if you are in Duck Club.

  40. WetNReady*

    The obvious answer is SECURITY CAMERAS EVERYWHERE IN THE OFFICE.

    Turn this into a Reality Show!

    1. BellStella*

      Yep
      My office has cameras everywhere except inside the bathrooms. Multiple cameras in every open area and in halls and outside too etc etc

  41. The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon*

    Okay, Duck Club is clearly insane, but the update really puts it over the top. Not just the grandboss reaction, which is bonkers, but the “oh well, guess I really don’t have to deal with this at all, love my coworkers, love my benefits” response from the LW. LW, truly, is this the only issue with that workplace? Also, why are you managing people if you aren’t up for a conversation telling them they can’t FCK in the COPY ROOM?? Even if all you can see is the sex club floating serenely on top of the water, I’m pretty sure there are a bunch of less whimsical problems paddling as fast as they can below the surface.

  43. HonorBox*

    Happy, happy Wednesday to us one and all. I love this letter so much, and whether it is real or some wonderful work of fiction, I could not care less.

    If it is true, though, I really hope that the LW has grown up and matured since writing. And I hope they got out and moved to a place where the atmosphere is normal. If my boss’s boss was very nonchalant about a literal fcking competition happening in the office, I’d turn in my notice on the spot. Because if it is totally OK for me to witness coworkers (or worse, direct reports) having sex in the office, or in someone’s car, what else is going to be OK? Literally, the boss’s boss told you that they’re happy to support sexual harassment. And being willing to just let it go because you’re paid well enough? At what point is the money not going to be worth it?

  44. Grimalkin*

    People tend to assume in the update’s comments that either the Big Boss is involved or the whole story is a hoax… but I rather like the possibility, also mentioned briefly in those comments, that the copier room incident was a one-off and everything else is just people trying to prank/get a reaction out of their (perceived as) naive and uptight supervisor. All OP saw was the copier room incident and the list, and the list could easily be faked as a prank…

    1. Irish Teacher.*

      My assumption was that the Big Boss didn’t believe Duck Club existed and was mocking the LW by implying, “oh so you think quacking means people are having sex?! Lol. Anybody can quack. Quack, quack.” I was more thinking that the Big Boss was in denial or just thought the thing sounded ludicrous – heck, a lot of people here doubt it’s real, so I don’t think it’s impossible the Big Boss had the same reaction. But it being a prank and the Big Boss knowing that is also possible.

      1. Grimalkin*

        Oh absolutely. If it’s a prank, Big Boss probably ISN’T in on it–and is just, yes, mocking LW. (Which is not great for Big Boss to do, but a lot better than some of the other explanations…)

    2. Kevin Sours*

      The real off detail in the update for me was the condoms in the tampon dispenser thing. Leaving aside the issue that somehow something of a different size and shape happened to work in the mechanism, it’s a convoluted and easily discoverable solution to a non problem. The more you think about the implications the less sense it makes.

      Granted there isn’t any indication that OP verified that detail, but if you assume the prank scenario it means that OP’s manager would have to be in on it — which is, itself, rather troubling.

  46. Another Kristin*

    My workplace must be really boring, because I honestly have yet to meet a coworker I’d want to have sex with at all, let alone anyone I’d want to have sex with so badly I’d risk doing it in the office!

  47. Elio*

    OMG it’s the duck club! This letter is hilarious and to be fair I have met the kind of people who would have a weird sex club at work if they could.

  49. TheBunny*

    A former coworker of mine forgot some papers he needed for an early am meeting so he went back to his office at an aviation company.

    Was distracted from getting his papers because he was surprised to learn that the office was used after hours to film porn.

    So I can’t say I don’t believe this could be true.

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