updates: the soiled chair, the demon, and more

by Alison Green on July 29, 2025

Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. I accidentally peed on a fabric chair at work

Thank you so much for publishing my question and to all the commenters who shared their own embarrassing work incidents. It was very reassuring to know that I had not completely destroyed my professional reputation. I ended up telling my manager what happened. I was honest and told her I’d had a bladder control incident, and she was very kind about it and told me not to worry. She even told me about the time she wet herself at work, so I guess it’s more common than I thought! She did tease me a little about it being a sign of my getting older (I was about to turn 40, and she’s 10 years older than me), which made me laugh and feel a little better.

My manager called the building’s cleaning services as we both figured an enzyme cleaner would take care of the stain. This is the part where it gets embarrassing. The cleaning person came and loudly asked where the chair was, which made a few people curious. She then announced (still loudly) that since it was fabric they’d have to throw it out because it was a biohazard. Yikes! At that point my coworkers were wondering what was going on. I ended up telling my curious coworkers that I spilled something on the chair and stained it (without specifying what “it” was) and everyone just assumed it was my tea with milk that I always drink. I didn’t correct them.

2. Can I tell my coworker to stop scrolling on her phone in meetings?

Thanks for your advice – I did my best to let my frustration go, and didn’t end up sharing my feedback with the Texting Coworker directly. Though I still find her openly texting in meetings pretty rude, I’ve come to appreciate that she is often doing it to stay connected to her kids, which as a non-parent in the workplace I can’t imagine how I’d actually navigate in her place!

As an aside, the unwillingness/inability of our team manager to give her feedback has revealed itself to be the tip of a very large iceberg of poor management. While this particular texting incident may be small, it’s prompted some general reflections on frustrations with my current workplace and my desire for better management/supervisor training for the team.

3. Should I tell this employer why I’m withdrawing from their hiring process? (#5 at the link)

I did not get that job, so never ended up being in a position to offer feedback one way or another, but I did get another job at the same place in a different department and from what I’ve gathered in my short time here, I dodged a bullet.

My job now also had two interviews, but they allowed me to use Zoom for both rounds since we hadn’t moved yet, and they were flexible with my start date. I can work from home once a week and we found a house less than 10 minutes from my office (which is in the building next to the other job, but I have yet to run into my interviewer). Their flexibility during the interview process has also extended to the job and everyone has been very understanding of life with young kids (we’ve already had a couple rounds of illness since school started). I am very happy not to have heard back from the other job!

4. Should I tell my boss I dreamed he tried to summon a demon? (#5 at the link)

I’m the one who dreamed my boss summoned a demon and so many people had questions.

Some people joked that I was sleeping on the job, or asked why in the world I would submit that question. I can answer both of those at once. No, I was not sleeping on the job. I woke up one morning, having just dreamed that, and in my just-woken-up haze, somehow thought it was a good idea to send that question in. Once I was fully awake and had had my coffee, I realized how ridiculous it was and assumed Alison would never actually print it. Imagine my surprise and amusement when she did. But I am glad to have brought joy to so many people.

And no, I did not tell my boss that he summoned a demon in my dream. But maybe it’s a sign of inner troubles. At the time of the dream, my company were going through multiple worrying issues, including a restructuring of my division that led to numerous reorganizations, nonsense from our regulator related to the new administration that made a lot of people very unhappy, a hostile takeover of the Board of Directors, a possible major change in our operating model, and recent layoffs in my division which were allegedly due to the restructuring and not any of the other stuff although I don’t actually believe that because there were layoffs in other divisions too. So maybe it was a sign that I subconsciously felt the company had been taken over by demons or something. My boss has actually been very good throughout all this though, and as transparent as he can be about what is going on, bearing in mind he finds out a lot of it the same time we do. So I’m not afraid he will sic a demon on me or anything like that.

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  1. many bells down*

    I sometimes still dream that I’m working for my boss from 25 years ago, and I’ve apparently just forgotten to show up all this time. But then I’m sitting at my desk in front of an ancient 486 computer and Dan is asking me where this week’s MLS report is.
    It wasn’t even a bad job! I don’t think I have any trauma from it??

    1. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      I dream about working in retail even though I haven’t worked in for nearly 20 years. Retail is…pretty stressful, even at the best of times, and I think I worked on the Island of Misfit Toys. I have such amusing and horrifying retail stories. But about 10 years out of it, I started dreaming things like quitting that job or realizing I don’t actually work there and float away out into the parking lot. Sometimes, your brain can heal and do you a solid, is what I’m trying to say.

    2. Cj*

      I dream about two different jobs I had years ago, but in my dreams, the bosses from those two jobs are with the opposite companies than they actually worked at. In my case, though, I definately have trauma from both jobs.

    3. Llama Llama*

      I occasionally dream that I need to clock into work at my retail job but can’t remember my person number and then realize I haven’t even been to work in awhile.

    4. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

      I had the dream where I woke up in the dorm and realized I had a class I never attended.

      It’s been over 40 years since I lived in a dorm.

      1. KPI.exe*

        I frequently dream that I somehow missed a required course in high school and am forced to attend it one hour a day, five days a week. Pointing out that I am in my 50’s and have a Master’s degree gets me nowhere. I don’t even get special parking privileges at the high school and have to park far from the building because I show up in the middle of the school day for that one class and the parking lot is already full.

        Sometimes one of the admin people tries to show me around the school and wants to take me to my assigned locker and I end up losing it: “I don’t need a $#@% locker! I’m only here for an hour! Stop wasting my time, I have to get back to the office.”

        2. Watry*

          I have this one too! Except sometimes it’s an elementary school class, like second grade Language Arts.

        3. Fanny Price*

          I have a very similar dream! Mine is specifically that I never passed high school government, and that they are going to take away my PhD, my SB, and my JD unless I can pass it now. It’s being given at 8am at my high school and I’m having trouble getting myself to school early enough every day to pass it. I am 57 years old and I am still having this stupid dream.

        4. BigLawEx*

          I have this same dream from time to time. I keep thinking, but college and law school, ya know, and they’re like…but you must complete high school. Though to be fair, I left school early when I realized I’d completed the requirements except gym and was…over it.

      2. Elizabeth West*

        I did that in real life!

        For the college math class I was required to take (*sobs in dyscalculia*), I signed up for the class in the summer and marked it in my calendar. Unfortunately, the class started in June, and I marked it as starting in JULY.

        When I realized I’d missed three weeks of class, I was horrified. I went in anyway and explained what had happened to the instructor. I asked if I should reschedule, but he said I hadn’t missed much, and I could probably catch up (haha, no).

        I tried my best. I think he actually clocked that I had dyscalculia — though I didn’t have a diagnosis at that point, I was pretty sure that’s what it was. He never said anything, but he didn’t demand much of me and passed me with the bare minimum, so I wouldn’t have to take it again. To this day I am eternally grateful.

      3. I Have RBF*

        For decades after college I had the nightmare where I was trying to find a class that I was enrolled in but never attended so I could try to bluff my way through the final. The building was always one of the science buildings, and the class was always in the basement in a huge lecture hall. I finally stopped having them. I guess the stresses in my life have shifted.

      4. Gumby*

        Yeah, if I’m going to have an anxiety dream it’s this one. Or the randomly naked in elementary school one. But for those I always manage to find an extra outfit that I have stashed in my desk. The “it’s finals week and you have not been attending this required course, no you cannot drop it, no you do not even own the textbook or course reader, and the lectures are not recorded – good luck!” dream is less malleable. Also, the class is usually introduction to chemical engineering. (Which, to be clear, I *did* attend and do homework for.) I do not know why it is my dream bugaboo.

    5. Emily Byrd Starr*

      I, too, sometimes dream that I’m back at my old job (that, in retrospect, I stayed in WAY too long) and then in the middle of the dream, I suddenly realize “wait a minute, I don’t work here anymore!”

    6. quill*

      I pretty consistently dream that I am having to explain to my college or high school that I *cannot* take a semester off my job to complete the gym course that they claim I cannot really have graduated without. They never accept me moving across the country, having a job, or it being over a decade since either diploma was issued as a good excuse, somehow.

      A mundane lack of control sticks with you, even if the experience was less stressful than it could have been.

      1. Frieda*

        Random trivia – I read about a curricular change at (iirc) Yale in the 1940s that left some students who had had their education interrupted by military service short some credits required for graduation … credits in P.E.

        After some back and forth, Yale decided that service in the U.S. military could be accepted as sufficient for meeting the physical education requirement.

    7. Willem Dafriend*

      I occasionally have nightmares that I quit my current job in order to move cross-country and return to a crappy job from my early 20s. Dream-me is always just as bewildered by this as awake-me lol.

      I also have a recurring dream that my high school won’t let me graduate at whatever my real life current age is, says I’m missing classes even though I’m not, and that I have to keep going back every fall to beg for my diploma without having to take whatever class the records say I didn’t do. I’m in my 30s with a masters degree.

      Stress dreams are weird!

    8. Elizabeth West*

      I still dream about the cafe in Santa Cruz. And that was in the early ’90s. In the dream, I’ve either gone back to work there or am helping out, in the same location, and I still remember how to do things, but at the same time things are very different and I’m running around like, “What?!”

      In real life, they moved that location way out of the center of town and expanded the menu, so it would be VERY different. (To this day, from time to time I still make four or five of the sandwiches from the ’90s menu at home.)

    9. Shhhh*

      I graduated from grad school 10 years ago and still regularly have dreams that I either can’t find my schedule, can’t find my classrooms, or have been in a class all semester and haven’t been going to it or done any work for it. And not just with grad school classes – undergrad and high school, too.

      To be fair, I do work in higher ed so while I haven’t been a student in a decade, my life does still revolve around the academic calendar. But I think stress dreams about earlier phases of life are pretty common.

    10. UKDancer*

      I dream sometimes I am still doing a job I was doing 10 years ago which involved a lot of travel to Brussels by Eurostar. I am regularly trying to get to Brussels and get on the train but the corridor gets longer and longer and I can’t get to the train. I don’t know why I have that dream so much but it seems to come when I have a difficult period at work so it’s obviously some internal frustration of mine even though the job was quite nice.

    11. Lilia Calderu*

      I sometimes dream that I’m still working on a med-surg floor (RN), and half way through the shift I realize I haven’t seen any of my patients. I panic and rush off to see them, but the hospital stretches out and becomes a byzantine maze, and when I do find a patient room, the door is locked.
      I wake up in a sweaty panic.

    12. Reluctant Mezzo*

      Sometimes I dream of posted voucher lists and making sure they reconcile with the ledgers for end of the book month…

    13. Super*

      I get that kind of dream when I’m stressed, that I was supposed to do something but forgot and it’s due shortly. The specific scenario has swapped out several times, but each one sticks around awhile. It is so consistent that it gets that layer of familiarity that my half-asleep self takes as truth. I write myself a note to handle it later – a calendar invite, text or email – and then in the daylight I realize it’s That Dream. But deep down I worry that I may actually be forgetting to do that thing.

    14. Expelliarmus*

      I started a new job 2 months ago after 3 months of unemployment (was let go from previous job 2/3rds of the way through a PIP), and it’s a massive culture shock and more work than I’m used to in previous jobs. As a result, I find myself thinking about it and dreaming about it more than I’d like!

      For the record, I don’t hate the job. But I do find myself getting more nervous and anxious about it than what’s ideal because I really want to do well after my screwup in my last job.

  2. still tired from teaching*

    While I appreciate LW #2’s self-reflection and refocus, as a former teacher, parents texting their kids throughout the day was the bane of my existence for trying to enforce our school’s cellphone policy and to get kids to focus.

    1. Christine*

      I can only imagine!

      I feel the texting is rude; texters could at least let the meeting leader know that they’re waiting for important news and might be texting quick responses; will need to text throughout the meeting due to whatever important reason so please excuse; etc. A lack of full attention without at least a vague heads-up about exceptions to that is just plain impolite.

      1. still tired from teaching*

        Also this. I’ve been in meetings where I’ve had to keep updated on something (a family member in surgery, my pet at the vet) and I make sure to let people know in advance or will step out if its a longer exchange of messages.

        I kind of feel the same way about talking to someone with headphones in. Even if they’re paused, it still projects a feeling of “I’m not actually paying attention to you.”

    2. Whoop*

      Seriously, when you think about, what people call “low contact” these days used to be the norm. Kid moved to another state for college? You’d be lucky to get a call once a week, given how expensive long-distance calls were; usually it was just a couple times a semester. Same thing if they moved for work. Not hearing from people for a week at a time was expected. Now if a kid doesn’t respond to a text within two minutes their parents are ready to call the FBI.

      1. Clisby*

        Heck, I went to college in-state and at most got a parental call once a week, just to catch up.

        When my daughter went to college, one of her suitemates, got calls every day. From her mother. And then her father. She and I pretty much fell into the once-a-week conversation pattern. (We could always contact each other if necessary, but necessary didn’t come around too often.)

      2. Jamie Starr*

        I spent a semester abroad during college in the mid 90s — before cell phones and email were common. The school where I stayed had one land line per floor (and no call waiting) so if someone was using the phone on your floor you were out of luck. There was a “phone room” with 4 phones near the reception area. I usually tried to call home once a week on Sundays but if I was traveling I didn’t. I think the constant “connectiveness” prevents kids from learning to be independence and learning how to figure out things on their own.

      3. zuzu*

        I went to camp when I was a kid, and the only reason my mother knew I was alive was that my sister was also there and was homesick.

    3. Ally McBeal*

      I understand and empathize with parents’ very real fears of not being able to reach their kids in the event of a mass shooting or other crisis, but I agree that cellphones have no place in classrooms. The magnet-locking pouches are a great solution, although I wonder if each classroom should have an unlocking station (only for use in case of emergencies) in addition to the unlocking stations in main hallways.

      1. still tired from teaching*

        I also empathize with that, but there are also real security concerns that would be shared with authorities/the public during a crisis event (also the recommendations have moved away from sheltering in place to “get the hell out if you can”). I think something I was frustrated with was that parents felt that they needed to update their children on both minutiae (oh my mom had to text me that she’s picking up my cousin before she picks me up so she might be five minutes late) and major events (my dad just texted me that grandpa’s in the hospital!) — both of these are the types of information that are easily disseminated from the central office/teacher’s email AND that means we can help students through their big feelings and/or find an appropriate time/place to share that news.

        There’s also a school of thought that teaches students how to manage their phones and use them as a tool, but I think that’s better for students who are older imho.

        My school was way too broke to be able to afford locking stations, but I know they’re becoming more common. A friend of mine who is still teaching (middle school) has noticed that her lunch duties are becoming loud again — because kids are actually talking and playing with each other instead of on their phones.

        Sorry, I have Big Feelings about this!

        1. Banana Pyjamas*

          Texting an adult you will be late is considerate, but because we’re talking about children it’s minutia? Sorry, but no. Children may be young, but they are still full people who deserve our consideration.

          -The Girl Whose Mom Always Forgot to Pick Her Up

          1. still tired from teaching*

            No, not that it’s minutia, it’s that its not an urgent message that needs to be delivered in the middle of instructional time. The family member can easily message the central office or email the teacher and that message can be passed along.

          2. Lilia Calderu*

            Sister, I’m right there with you.
            -The Girl Who Was An Inconvenience To Her Parents

    4. Nobby Nobbs*

      Texting is also asynchronous! Nothing stopping this parent from texting the kids when she has a break and the kids from texting back when they have a break.

    1. Portia*

      Cleaning people have seen just about everything, I’d imagine. So maybe it just didn’t seem like that big a deal. (Still mortifying for LW, however. But I’m glad things finally worked out OK!)

      1. wittyrepartee*

        I could see this, I’ve worked in a lot of research and healthcare settings, and I have to be careful not to make people queasy when talking about things like needles or bodily fluids.

    2. The Wizard Rincewind*

      My pad leaked while I was staying at a very nice, very small bed and breakfast. I contacted the staff and explained the situation, and I swear that the person they sent was the loudest person in a 50-mile radius. She clomped up the stairs, held a conversation at top volume with herself in front of the supply closet about what sheets went in my room, discussed the situation with me with the same energy inches away from my neighbor’s door…I was already dying of embarrassment so I told her I’d change the sheets, no, really, please don’t worry, I feel awful about it, and took the sheets from her.

      Cleaning staff really have seen it all.

      1. Elizabeth West*

        I can’t even imagine what the cleaning person said about my old coworker whose water broke on the visitor chair in our boss’s cubicle.

  4. Thin Mints didn't make me thin*

    Based on the feedback, I think there might be a business opportunity in a consultancy to sic demons on certain bosses …

    2. Hlao-roo*

      I would only hire a consultancy that has strong existing work relationships with demons. Not one of those fly-by-night places that has to look up demons in the phone book! (/joking)

      OP4, thank you for the update!

  5. Guest*

    LW1: Boo on teasing someone who was honest about an embarrassing incident.

    LW2: Personal texting during a meeting is just plain rude. If the texter has a family emergency, they need to leave the meeting.

    1. yvve*

      like pranks, its very know-your-audience (and like pranks, there are a nubee of people who hate it who insist that it’s universally wrong and no one likes it). It sounds like they have a pretty good relationship and OP clearly didnt mind

      (but yes, when i doubt, err on the side of caution and do not tease)

      1. Banana Pyjamas*

        Know your audience really applies to both situations. At a previous job they preferred me to be in the meeting with my phone rather than to miss the meeting or reschedule. On the other hand, I was in that position less than a handful of times. On the other other hand, my supervisor regularly had her phone in meetings.

    2. LW #1*

      My manager knows my sense of humor well enough that she knew I wouldn’t mind a little teasing. It was her attempt to make me feel better (and it worked!) Though it may have landed differently if she hadn’t shared her own story about wetting herself first.

  6. Everybody shtarved on the street*

    It might be rude to text in meetings, but it also seems like a “not your problem” situation

      1. Zona the Great*

        Can you explain why are you distracted by someone texting in a meeting? Are they doing it loudly somehow? Are they laughing to themselves or something?

        1. Rogue Slime Mold*

          If you’re in a group of live people together in meat-space, someone who is visibly checked out of the meeting in which everyone is supposed to be visibly engaged is distracting. This doesn’t matter (and might even be funny) if you’re in an all-hands meeting of 800 to see pictures of the boss’s new vacation house, but it matters in a meeting of four people to discuss the Oppenheimer Strategy. (All the research on multi-tasking is that humans don’t do it well.)

          It can be not your problem to fix, and something you choose to ignore, and still distracting. Like when you present information you are supposed to take visual cues as to whether you need to explain more, or get to the point faster, and the feedback is always “Lucibelle has no idea what you just said.”

        2. JJ*

          Sometimes it’s just that constant movement out of the corner of your eye that can be distracting.
          And yes, some people do like to leave their sound on when they text, so you constantly hear the noise from the receipt and sending of every text, plus the sound of each and every single character being typed.

  7. Margaret Cavendish*

    Whew, OP4, I might be trying to summon demons myself in that situation! I hope things stabilize for you soon.

  8. Irish Teacher.*

    LW4, honestly, thank you for telling us about that dream because I find it utterly hilarious. I’d also find it hilarious if somebody told me they’d dreamed I did it, but…I think it’s one of these ones where if you have to ask, you are better erring on the side of caution and saying nothing.

    Hope things get sorted out with your job and glad your boss is supportive.

  9. Hermit crab*

    I really enjoy hearing about others’ dreams. I have an ex who was studying Jungian psychology and some of our best discussions involved analyzing each other’s dreams through that lens. Many dreams are meaningless but when they’re vivid or really stick with us, it’s interesting to parse.

    So…dreaming LW…it’s said that the people in our dreams are not the people but aspects of ourselves. The brain is not good at creating faces from scratch so your boss represents a part of yourself that you associate with aspects of him. That part of yourself is bringing up something dark, powerful, perhaps harmful. Something that takes effort to face (the need to be summoned). Again, this is very personal and context-dependent. Was the demon frightening, useful, comical or a caricature?

    To give you an example, a former boss once told me that she dreamed she kissed Dick Cheney. I asked her what attributes she associated with him and the first thing she said was “ruthless”. My boss was a very kind person so I suggested there might be something going on in her life that required her to be more ruthless. The dream was a subconscious suggestion that she embrace that part of herself.

    Thank you for allowing me to nerd-out in my amateurish way. :)

    1. Margali*

      My personal rule is I ONLY want to hear about your dream if you can tell me in 3 sentences or less. My husband has to be reminded of this frequently, as his descriptions usually start like, “So, I was dreaming that it was Thursday…or maybe Friday. And we were selling a yellow house that we used to own…or maybe we used to rent it. I know we never really owned a yellow house, but I think my brain mixed it up with that green one we looked at that time.” In my head I’m screaming, “Dream rule! Dream rule! Get to the point or stop talking to me about it!”

      1. Mockingjay*

        I totally get ya. Hubby and both my adult children describe things through free associations. They literally cannot tell you about something without linking random scenes at least 5 times for background context. They do great in social settings by telling fun, exaggerated stories. Both kids like to tell us their dreams, even to this day.

        On the other hand, I, the technical writer, reduce nearly everything to bare bones. I’m the one who calls customer service to get to the root of the problem in 30 seconds. The few dreams I remember are mundane: grocery lists or snippets of a book I’m reading.

        1. wittyrepartee*

          Haha, the way I deal with this with my husband is that I tell him I need him to get to the point first, then fill in the context. Giving me a long rambling story that ends with “and so I think we might need to go to the store tomorrow” is much less effective than “I think we need to go to the store tomorrow- so you remember Steve from down the street?”

      2. Lenora Rose*

        I don’t know about 3 sentences or less, but if it goes on longer, it has to be some pretty interesting stuff.

        I got multiple paragraphs from the one that started with my husband having murdered me and ended with me facing down my own reanimated corpse while in a new body. But well… I CAN summarize it in 3 sentences, it’s just you miss all the stuff that made it *interesting*.

    2. Emily Byrd Starr*

      Many years ago, a coworker told us that she had a dream that she was making out with a certain reality TV star. We all laughed, as none of us thought that he was even remotely attractive. She instantly protested that she didn’t find him attractive, either, and couldn’t understand why she had a sex dream about him!
      That TV star is now the president of the United States.

      3. TJ Morrison*

        Really hoping that was just her brain being weird and not drugs that didn’t completely erase her memory.

  10. Eldritch Office Worker*

    A coworker told me this morning she had a weird dream about me hahaha. I think it’s just a know your office thing.

    1. RLC*

      The only time I shared a dream about coworkers with those same coworkers involved a story line of our boss giving us all adorable spaniel pups in lieu of cash awards. One coworker then wanted to suggest that to boss!!! (We’re all dog lovers)

      1. wendelenn*

        Now a spaniel in lieu of cash rewards is CERTAINLY better than the company donating your cash award to charity without your consent! (other letter today)

    2. Bast*

      Yes, I’ve worked at offices where this would be completely normal… and some more formal offices where it would be strange. It would also depend on the dream.

  11. Just My Imagination*

    “The cleaning person came and loudly asked where the chair was, which made a few people curious. She then announced (still loudly) that since it was fabric they’d have to throw it out because it was a biohazard”

    That tracks, unfortunately (the lack of discretion).

    1. Zona the Great*

      I would have asked him to keep his voice down and to show some discretion. That’s wild behavior.

  12. Abogado Avocado*

    LW#1, someone needs to take that cleaner aside and do her the kindness of teaching her discretion. Her loud announcement was not necessary. I will leave to others whether urine is, in fact, a biohazard. (If it is, I may have to throw out my whole house thanks to my elderly cat instead of relying on enzyme cleaner.)

    LW#4, I loved your question. It made my day, both to read it and consider Alison’s answer — and to think about when it might ever would be appropriate to advise a boss about a dream. (Maybe if the boss was a sleep specialist? I don’t know!)

  13. AnonCPA*

    Can we have an entire thread of (anonymous, of course) inappropriate dreams we’ve had about colleagues? I shall contribute: My LDS coworker severs the ear of a unhoused individual and the queso hot tub party.

    2. Unauthorized Plants*

      If I’m dreaming about workit is a sure sign I need to unplug! This one isn’t inappropriate per se, but it was stressful and kind of funny. While I was heavily involved in a voluntary leadership position of a professional organization in 2020 (and also had a second child 8 weeks before everything shut down) I dreamed that I was also tasked with organizing this organization’s intramural basketball league. It was so vivid I was halfway through my coffee when I recalled that an intramural basketball league is not a mission-critical professional development offering for library workers.

    3. Tiggerann*

      I’m prone to Hypnagogic hallucinations, typically feeling something moving near me. If it’s annoying I try to cuss at it until I’m awake enough that it’s gone.

    4. Phone Voice*

      When I worked at a startup I once dreamt that the programmer grew tentacles in my dream and was happily typing with six of eight limbs. I don’t remember if he was actually faster than IRL.

    5. GreenApplePie*

      A lot of my dreams involve my manager asking me to convert offices into residential units and doing mundane things like going to the hardware store for tools, painting the walls etc.

      My job is completely unrelated and I’ve never had a job doing construction/renovation work so I have no clue where this is coming from.

    6. ruthling*

      I dreamed I was doing my job, inspecting a building, but the building was a brothel with all that implies. In the dream I was trying to be professional, and actually found some issues. I was confused when I woke up.

    7. Whoop*

      Several years ago, I would suddenly have *extremely* X-rated daydreams about various coworkers. I wasn’t attracted to any of them, but I’d be staring at my computer and wham! Hard-core porn in technicolor flashing through my brain.

      Took nearly a year before I realized that the daydreams coincided with my period. Always three days before, aka the prime time for egg fertilization. At least once I realized that I knew to make sure I had pads.

      1. DramaQ*

        I dreamed that I made a very elaborate Pirates of Penanze level Captain’s hat out of a product my company makes.

        Meanwhile my boss and her boss were chasing me around the counter yelling at me to take it off because it was unprofessional and distracting.

        I kept yelling back I refuse to take it off because I earned it and it was MY hat and it was a very nice hat!

        My boss just about died laughing when I told her about it. She said that is a sure sign I needed to take a vacation.

        To *Whoop* I have also had those types of dreams. It was bad because I had MULTIPLE porn level type dreams that week about him.

        Then my stupid brain in an idle moment started wondering if he was really that good in bed! I couldn’t look him in the eye for days and actively avoided him because my face would turn beet red and I couldn’t control it. I know there is nothing wrong with dreams but dang my brain had to pick a coworker?!

      2. Anonymosity*

        This happened to me once regarding a creepy manager whom I disliked intensely. No enemies-to-lovers trope happening; it was just ovulation.

    8. Secret*

      For 6 straight months, I had VERY vivid sexual dreams about my boss, like at least twice a week, sometimes more. My 68 year old, married, gay male boss. I was 23 at the time, and in a very happy, satisfying relationship with a woman. He traveled all the time, so I saw him maybe 3 times total when these dreams started happening. It didn’t happen with any of my other bosses or coworkers at that job, even the one I did have a slight crush on. One day, they just stopped, thankfully. I still have no clue what was going on in my brain with that.

  14. Harper*

    LW1 – your manager sounds lovely, but that maintenance worker is an ass, and needs some sensitivity training! I’m sorry they behaved that way.

  15. Not My Circus*

    LOL that you woke up all the way and had decided not to tell your boss about the demon dream after you sent Alison the email. What an update; thanks for letting us know! There are so many letters I want an update to, and this was one of them.

    1. Jane*

      LWs 1 and 4 should get together to work out a solution here. “My boss summoned a demon and it soiled this chair, could we get it cleaned and exorcised please?”

  16. Joie De Vivre*

    My hearing aides can be adjusted with an app on my phone. I don’t always get a chance to tell a presenter in advance that I’m not playing on my phone, I’m trying to adjust my hearing aides.

    1. I'm just here for the cats!!*

      This is an excellent point. You never know if someone is handling something medical (hearig aid, insulin pump, heart rate monitor, etc) or some other need like a taking a text from the daycare because you have a teething baby.
      It’s best to ignore it or quietly take them aside to speak with someone.

      1. Silver Robin*

        Yeah the issue with texting or fiddling on the phone is that it *often* (not always!) indicates lack of engagement with the rest of the meeting, which is frustrating at best and rude at worst. But, like with many situations, the question is whether the results you want (engagement, not needing to follow up or repeat yourself 50 times, etc.) are happening or not. I imagine somebody adjusting the volume for hearing aids is trying to stay engaged and the results of the meeting would show that.

        Honestly, I expect that the frustration around texting is LW trying to find a reason for why that coworker is so disengaged, making the meetings less efficient. If the texting did not effect the coworker’s contributions to the meetings, I doubt it would have registered as strongly.

      2. Helewise*

        The times I’ve been distracted by someone on their phone in a meeting the person was REALLY on their phone – texting non-stop or leaned all the way back and disengaged. A quick thirty seconds doesn’t even register unless it’s a really small meeting.

    2. I Have RBF*

      I used to try to take notes on my phone. The tiny keyboard made it difficult. I switched back to a paper notebook.

  17. Everybody shtarved on the street*

    This isn’t the point, but why did they have to throw the chair away? A little pee hardly sounds like a “biohazard”.. ?

    1. Nobby Nobbs*

      A blanket safety rule was deemed to be better than asking people to make a judgement call in each individual case, would be my guess.

    2. MicroManagered*

      At home? Sure. A little pee is hardly a biohazard from most healthy individuals. In terms of cleaning public spaces, I think the rule of thumb is to treat all bodily fluids as the most diseased version they could possibly be, since you can’t know for sure.

    3. LW #1*

      You would be correct, only urine with blood in it is technically a biohazard, at least according to OSHA. For example, we regularly dump out urine specimen cups in the toilet instead of a biohazard container. The cleaning person was either not aware of this or we just have very strict rules about bodily fluids at our hospital. But at the time I wasn’t going to argue with her about it as I just wanted her to take the chair and stop talking loudly.

      1. Mockingjay*

        Having worked as a janitor once upon a time: a) you are correct about hospitals having higher standards and b) cushions are difficult to clean, and most janitorial services don’t have the proper equipment to deep clean the foam block or padding under the cushion cover, including PPE to protect the worker.

        As much as I despise waste when a good cleaning can save something from a landfill, it’s just too difficult to thoroughly clean and disinfect a single chair during a work shift in which you have to clean a slew of offices and common spaces.

        But I would never have announced the problem to the entire floor. I’m sorry about that.

        1. Working Class Lady*

          Agreed. If the chair has to be replaced, then so be it – that can be quietly discussed, but loudly announcing it to the rest of the office is obnoxious.

  18. Nobby Nobbs*

    I really get the “waking up still basically in a dream” thing. Last night I briefly woke up so convinced that I’d read a really disappointing sequel to a completed book series that I had to google it, which was at least better than the petsitting stress dreams.

    1. Rogue Slime Mold*

      I’ve tried to remember the details of purchasing the lovely new house in the dream, and gradually realized that my inability to recall what town we moved to is because we didn’t move, and the lovely house gradually dissolves into mist.

    2. UKDancer*

      Yes sometimes I wake up from a very vivid dream and it takes me a while to realise I am awake and the dream was a dream and not something that happened. It can take a few minutes for me to realise what the reality is around me.

    3. Working Class Lady*

      I’ve woken up from some wacky situations and been super relieved when I realized they were dreams. I can’t remember any of them now, though.

  19. I'm just here for the cats!!*

    #4 I still think that if you had a good, laughable relationship with your boss it would be ok to share. We’ve talked about odd dreams before, but then I work with psychologists.

    1. misselphaba*

      I’m in a creative field and this kind of thing registers as watercooler conversation to me. I would love if one of my team members shared this with me. Hysterical.

  20. Elease*

    I work at a museum, often installing exhibits. During one very stressful install period, I dreamt that the curator decided we needed an exhibit all about cheese! The entire dream museum was filled with various cheeses like some kind of unhinged fine art cheese shop, which brought in hordes of tiny dream pests. There was so much dream cheese, I could smell it in my sleep. I woke up absolutely FURIOUS with this curator! I did tell him about it years later, and we still have a good laugh about how maaaybe cheese exhibits might not be the best idea after all hahaha

    1. Silver Robin*

      I would be SO DOWN for an exhibit about cheese. Maybe not actual cheese, but cheese themed art with a pop up cheese café, maybe cheese pairing classes running concurrently? And not just wine, either, pair them with fruit, with different snack foods, with Gatorade, etc.

      2. Life Resets At 65*

        There’s the National Historic Cheesemaking Center in Monroe, Wisconsin. Cheese is not just food but a way of life.

    3. Resident Catholicville, U.S.A.*

      There has to be a cheese museum and cheese related art. There cannot not be. Cheese is too good for it not to exist.

    4. NoIWontFixYourComputer*

      As long as you actually DO have cheese, unlike the Monty Python Cheese Shop.

    5. Elizabeth West*

      I’d be pretty excited about this, actually. Especially if there were samples.

  22. Working Class Lady*

    To LW #1: I hope you don’t feel bad. Sometimes those things happen. Im sorry you had to endure that .
    I work in an office, I once had some sudden extreme heavy bleeding … to the point I was soaked in blood less than halfway through the day and it went right through to my office chair.
    Luckily I was able to discreetly clean it (I had to scrub it several times with upholstery cleaner) and the stain doesn’t show anymore, and I don’t think anyone else saw it.

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