reader update: the fiance at work

Remember the letter a few months ago from the reader whose fiance had just taken a job at her office? She was worried about how to handle working with a significant other. Here’s her update:

I wanted to thank you for taking my question a couple months ago and giving advice that has proved excellent. I was the one who wrote in about my fiance starting to work at the same place I do. You told me, basically, to chill out about it, talk to my fiance, and do everything we can to make it a non-issue at work.

I’m happy to report that it is pretty much a non-issue. We don’t see each other much during the day, and when we’re in meetings together we don’t go out of our way to talk or not talk to each other, just go with the flow. Essentially our relationship at work is like the relationship I had with the last person who held his job. We email to coordinate what time we’re leaving, or if we have a legit work issue that involves the other person, but that’s it.

Some of our coworkers know and some don’t and that’s been fine. One of my fiance’s employees has made some weird comments (not inappropriate, per se, just kind of awkward) but everyone else either doesn’t know or almost never brings it up. The biggest adjustment has actually been commuting together. We were both using our commutes as “me time” to listen to the radio and chill, so it took some getting used to that that is now talking time. We had a couple of tense evenings over it but it’s become the new normal and is fine. So thanks again for all the great advice on your blog and in particular for the advice you gave me!

{ 5 comments… read them below }

  1. Anonymous*

    “We were both using our commutes as “me time” to listen to the radio and chill, so it took some getting used to that that is now talking time. ”

    It might be worth implementing another “me time” for example early in the morning or after work where you can both wander off in different directions etc.

    Never underestimate the need for “me time” in a relationship!

    1. AK47*

      That’s exactly what I was thinking. And just because you’re travelling together, that doesn’t mean you can’t still have your “me time” during your morning commute.

  2. Kerry*

    I wouldn’t discount the possibility of still having your commute be “me time”! When my husband and I are on medium or long journeys (25+ min), we both happily plug in our headphones and put up a magazine. I think I’d strangle him if I had to make small talk with him twice a day every weekday.

  3. KayDay*

    I’m totally with you on using a commute as “me time.” For a brief time, my boyfriend would drive me to work, since my office was only a few of blocks out of his way. I ended up asking him to just drop me off on his normal route, so that I could walk the extra blocks and still get in a brief period of me time.

  4. Karen*

    THIS! The days when my husband and I leave the house at the same and take the train together irritate me! I love him dearly, but I absolutely need ‘me time.’ I usually even need a few minutes when I first get home to put down all my stuff, change, blah blah. I’ve made it pretty clear that I have no interest in hearing or talking about the day until I’ve had a chance to transition into being at home.

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