weekend free-for-all – March 28-29, 2020

by Alison Green on March 28, 2020

Sophie and Hank. Please compare their sizes.

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. (This one is truly no work and no school.)

Book recommendation of the week: Last Couple Standing, by Matthew Norman. When all their friends get divorced, a couple tries an ill-judged experiment.

I really want to read Emily St. John Mandel’s new book but I’m holding a grudge against her for writing Station Eleven, which I loved but which now is responsible for the worst case scenario post-pandemic images I have in my head. So I went for something lighter, and this was that.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

You may also like:
{ 1,663 comments }

{ 1,663 comments… read them below }

  1. Ask a Manager* Post author

    Let’s keep all the coronavirus stuff in this thread right here so that it doesn’t take over the entire comment section and people can easily skip it if they want to. If you want to talk corona, please do it as a reply here. Thank you!

    1. My Dear Wormwood*

      I was in the national broadcaster’s live corona-coverage blog today because they asked readers to say in the comments what we were all doing this weekend since we’ve all been told to stay home, and I said a 1000-piece puzzle, a online embroidery stitchalong, and an adult-sized hula hoop. Apparently that sounds like a good time all round!

      1. Marion Ravenwood*

        That’s so cool! And your weekend sounds really fun, I hope it’s a good one :)

        I had a similar thing happen to me yesterday – a national radio station here asked for people to talk about their ‘weekend in lockdown’ plans as though they were the best thing ever and mixed them over a dance music track (think rave horns etc). I got on there talking about my plans to declutter and pack for my house move in May – assuming it all still goes ahead – and to do some baking. (I’m also going to be binge watching Criminal Minds ans having ‘date night’ with my boyfriend watching The Mandalorian ‘together’ on Disney+, but didn’t mention that.)

        1. Book Lover*

          Cross stitch stitchalongs you can find out about on Facebook groups – general or for a specific designer. Also flosstube. You could also possibly do Instagram searches for designers and check the tags for stitch along info but that isn’t as fun.

        2. Germank106*

          I’m sure the embroidery stitch alongs work the same way as the Knit alongs or Crochet alongs on Ravelry. In a stitch along only part of the pattern is revealed each week. That gives everyone participating the chance to work at their own pace. The best way to find an embroidery stitch along would be by checking Facebook groups or googling it.

        3. Windchime*

          Norwegian knitting designers Arne and Carlos have been under quarantine for two weeks and have been doing daily youtube “podcasts” with a knit-along that have been quite a bit of fun. I haven’t done the knit along but it’s fun to see two nice people talking about the mundane aspects of their day. They are going to continue the project for two more weeks, so if someone is looking for a small knitting project and a daily video, give Arne and Carlos a try.

    2. Marion Ravenwood*

      OK, so for background: I currently live in a two-bed flat with my landlady and her fiancé. As of Monday, the UK went into lockdown for at least three weeks. She recently sold the flat to pay for a house move, and the long and short of it is I’m currently due to move out in early May.

      We’ve always got on OK but weren’t super close, especially as I have quite an active social life normally and don’t spend tons of time at home, but as we’re now all ‘working’ together around the dining table (which she really kindly set up for us) I’m finding her fixation on the coronavirus stuff exhausting. The constant rolling news in the background in particular; I don’t feel it’s adding anything new and it just makes me feel more stressed out and anxious, especially with all the talk about going into lockdown last weekend before it actually happened. I’m trying things like not being in the room when she watches news headlines at lunch, having my own music on during the workday, trying to talk about different stuff when we go for walks etc, but I’m not sure how well it’s working. She does have some health issues which I think are also affecting things, so I feel guilty for not being kinder/more tolerant, but equally I could feel myself getting really cross with her yesterday (though I didn’t say anything) and am worried I’ll snap and then the next few weeks will be super awkward to say the least, especially if the lockdown goes on for longer.

      So, tl;dr – how do I ask (nicely) for the coronavirus stuff to be toned down? I don’t want to come across as being antisocial or mean, especially because it’s her flat (if we were all renting together I suspect it’d be a different dynamic), but I’m not sure I can deal with this for another two weeks minimum, much less a month. Thanks in advance for any help!

      1. MistOrMister*

        I had a friend tell me one day that she couldn’t discuss the virus any more that day because it was making her anxious. So we went 2 days with no virus discussions. When I had something to mention on the 3rd day I told her I read something I wanted to tell her about but only if she was ok with that topic. I think if you tell someone that constantly hearing about the virus is making you anxious and ask if they can try to not discuss with you for a time, most people are going to be receptive. Especially when it’s framed as this is something overwhelming and scary and it’s making you anxious. I didn’t feel at all offended when my friend said she couldn’t have virus convo for a while. It was presented as, for my sake I need to not talk/hear about this for a little while. No reasonable person should take offense at something like that.

        1. nep*

          Not a follower of Melissa [Hartwig] Urban, but something else brought me to her IG yesterday and she had a post about exactly that–how to let people know you’re not going there right now, not engaging in talk about the virus.
          Wishing you all the best, OP.

        2. Batgirl*

          Make it so it’s about you: “I will drive myself nuts if I talk about Coronavirus any more. Help me stay off topic?”

      2. Wormentude*

        Can you ask for it to be turned off while you work? Say that it is distracting. If not off, then maybe on mute as your landlady would still be able to read the ticker tape at the bottom.

        I think it’s probable that moving in 2 weeks won’t be happening as government are advising people agree to postpone, but depends if everyone involved can reach an agreement. Makes it all the more important to find a solution now.

        You could always take your lunch to eat in your room if landlady wants the news on then.

        And if all else fails, headphones.

        1. Marion Ravenwood*

          Sorry, I should have been clearer – the two weeks was a reference to the lockdown period (although now they’re saying it might be extended until June, though I haven’t heard anything from my letting agency or the girl whose room I’m taking over as yet and feel like I want to wait until a bit closer to the time to make decisions). The actual move isn’t supposed to be until 2nd May, but I’m trying to prepare as much as I can in advance.

          I’m eating lunch in my room already (along with pretty much all my other meals – literally the only times I’ve left my room this weekend were to use the bathroom, shower, make food and go for a run yesterday) and using headphones for everything. I also don’t face the TV in our work setup and it is on mute most of the time. It’s just more that it’s started to creep into other times (for example it was on at 8pm the other night and then 9am yesterday morning), plus we’ve got quite thin walls and my room is right next to the living room, so I can usually still hear it even with headphones in. I’m also aware this is a coping strategy for her, so I feel a bit guilty that my needs are ‘trumping’ hers somehow.

      3. Anono-me*

        Do you need to go for walks together? Can you go for a walk by yourself at at different times? Even if the discussion topic issue is resolved, it might be nice to give each other a some personal time.

        1. Marion Ravenwood*

          We don’t *have* to, but she doesn’t like going out by herself and her fiancé can’t always go with her, plus it kind of benefits me as otherwise I am a bit rubbish about going out full stop (because I see no point in going out if it’s not for anything in particular). But I think I might start to try going out more by myself for now.

      4. Dust Bunny*

        I’m working from home and my mom basically has MSNBC on all. day. long. While it’s not misinformation I feel like it’s becoming her FOX News in terms of feeding her fear about the pandemic. She’s over 70 and has a number of really serious conditions that, yes, would make COVID-19 almost assuredly fatal, so her anxiety is not unwarranted. But we basically have not left the house in two weeks and plan to stay put until . . . whenever, we’re all washing everything all the time, there just isn’t much more we can do.

        I’m fortunate that I can work in my room with several walls and a closed door between me and the television, but I finally had to ask her to change to the channel to something vapid for at least part of the day because I just cannot even any more. I *know* what’s going on, but I can process it a lot better reading it than hearing it against my will (and often in Trump’s voice).

        1. Marion Ravenwood*

          Yep, this is exactly it – it’s BBC News so it’s a reputable source, and I know it’s a coping strategy for her so I don’t want to come across like I’m taking that away. And I am also a reader – I would rather just check the tweets from reputable sources on Twitter a couple of times a day and be done, but the rolling news things (either TV or liveblogs) just stresses me out as it feels so out of my control.

          I might have to just switch to working in my room full time, under the guise of needing to concentrate, as I can make my chest of drawers into a temporary desk (with a dining chair). I know it’s not good WFH practice but I really feel like it’s the easiest way at this point.

        2. theletter*

          I’m a bit of an MSNBC binger myself – I think what really happens is that after about half an hour I’m just enjoying the background noise. At a certain point they start to repeat themselves and I try to switch to a TV show I can just have on without paying too much attention to it.

          I try to start the day with NPR if possible – they actually repeat themselves, so I know when it’s time to shut it off and switch to new age music.

          1. Dust Bunny*

            Mom used to like New Age music. I should remind her of that.

            I actually saw the other day that she had a bunch of Hallmark Channel movies recorded on the DVR. Words cannot describe how much I loathe those things but if they get her to take a break from the news I’m suddenly all for them.

      5. The Rat-Catcher*

        This was something my husband (36m) and I (29f) had to discuss early on. He likes to check for updates several times per day in addition to what pops up on social media. Being informed is a coping mechanism for him. I, however, only really want to hear updates that affect us or my area – we’re already all working or schooling from home and only going out to the grocery store or gas station. So for me, hearing the latest numbers out of Italy, where I am not, is just stressful and unproductive. I would go with “Is there any way we could have the news off while working? It’s really distracting for me!” and be elsewhere during breaks.

    3. OyHiOh*

      Colorado went into state wide shelter in place Thursday morning. I . . . . . did not handle it well.

      Wednesday, we were under the previous set of orders: No groups of 10 or more, maintain social distance, please use outdoor spaces but maintain distance from other families, etc. So the dragons and I went to a park near home. Neptune met us there with local Greek take out, and he and I had a lovely little picnic and conversation sitting on the retaining wall by the playground (dragons don’t like Greek; they brought sandwiches). Dragons were careful to observe social distance when they ran over to say hi. The weather was perfect – sunny, about 70 degrees, a few clouds, just enough breeze that the sun didn’t feel opressive. We said we were going to eat, then walk on the bike path but instead, we simply talked for two hours. The first time we’d been able to do that in several weeks. When we said goodbye, it was with the hope and implication that we’d be able to have similar outings in the near future. And then I got home and just within the previous half hour, while we were having our lovely springtime conversation, the shelter in place order had been announced. Naturally, the SIP closes playgrounds and other places children gather.

      The thing is, I knew it was coming. We have hospitalized cases in the state but it’s not “bad” yet and our state government has shown every indication of trying to enact measures before the situation on the ground gets out of hand. So I knew that the shelter in place order was probably going to happen this week or early next week but when it came out, it really really hurt. Spent the rest of Wednesday and all of yesterday crying at the drop of a hat, with my body in full blown anxiety mode for something like thirty-six hours straight. Spent a lot of time yesterday wailing about wanting my mom – however the logistics of an interstate trip and lack of internet at my parent’s house for dragons to do school from another state defied my ability to function and eventually I got over myself. Last night, though, I came across an article on NPR identifying the ways in which the sense of grief and its symptoms are applicable to the current world crisis. That helped quite a lot. Woke up this morning with most of my can-do attitude back in place.

      School district is still being ridiculous. They are refusing to do a survey of needs related to transitioning to digital classrooms on Monday, which is just going to be a disaster. The most the district social media has done is alert families to free/low cost internet, as if that’s somehow the only barrier to accessing the Google Classrooms platform. We’ve not been asked about devices, printers, or anything else that might hinder students from doing the work. My plan (3 dragons, access to 1 device) is to have each do no more than an hour of work in their digital classrooms and take advantage of PBS running really excellent educational programming for as long as necessary. I’m going to have all three keep a journal in which they’ll write down what shows they watched, answer the /W/ questions, and record a response to it (a thought, a feeling . . . 5th grader will get far more detailed prompts than the 2nd grader). Have them keep a reading log there too. It still won’t be “enough” but it takes a lot of labor I’m completely untrained for (ESS and reading specialist) off my shoulders and still shows they did something

      1. Zooey*

        It will be enough. No kid is going to get the ‘normal’ level of education. If you can keep everyone safe and them stimulated enough to not have you all feeling bananas that’s a massive win! Your plan sounds ace, good luck.

        1. OyHiOh*

          We live in unstable, non permanent housing (aka a motel) so driving each other bananas is pretty much a given at some point!

          I’m “more worried” than typical simply because two of mine are on IEP’s for dyslexia and our district has a very high number of kids on IEP’s and kids in ESL programs and there’s basically no support for IEP/ESL at this point. They’re the kids that are going to have the most trouble when this is over. My hope is that, by taking advantage of the middle school and high school level programs on PBS, I can help them develop their higher order thinking skills, even if they lose ground on basics.

          1. Former Employee*

            A bit late to this, but I just wanted to let you know that my Governor, Gavin Newsom, had severe dyslexia as a child and was in special classes. Given that he is in his 50’s, it must have been pretty bad for anyone to have noticed back when. He still managed to get a college degree, start a business, become mayor of San Francisco, then Lt Governor and now Governor of the Great State of California.

      3. J.B.*

        With kids at home I think the best thing is some sense of routine. So if you have some connectivity a regular time for the older kid to Skype with friends, regular lunch and recess. There’s a website somewhere with free educational stuff I’ll see if I can find it.

        This is tough. If we survive we’re doing good.

      4. Cheesesteak in Paradise*

        TL/DR: Gestational Diabetes

        So I know considering the pandemic and the rampant unemployment and everything, that this is really really small potatoes. But I’m 28 weeks pregnant and just failed my glucose tolerance test. I have gestational diabetes.

        So I have to setup a (virtual) visit with the diabetes clinic, start checking my blood sugar 5x per day, and cut out sugar from my diet.

        I don’t even have that much of a sweet tooth normally and consider myself a pretty healthy eater but starting in the second trimester all I want to eat is pasta and cupcakes and ice cream. Now the world is ending (feels like some days) and I can’t even eat freaking ice cream…

        Sorry just feeling a bit sorry for myself.

        Also anyone have any thoughts about controlling blood sugar that they wish they knew in retrospect?

        1. Intermittent Introvert*

          I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. There are both wacky and solid resources online. Lots. Be selective. It helped me to read more. Every body is unique, but I’ve been surprised how much exercise helps keep my blood sugar numbers in check. I try to do my bigger exercise in the morning. 30 minutes of something. And then a second 10 or 15 minute in the afternoon. And I try to just move more. Dance, walk, do arm circles, stretches, yoga, etc. It helps reduce my stress level also which is good for diabetes. Focus on what you are adding into your life. Happy movement, tasty and healthy food. Don’t let the glucose numbers stress you out.

          1. Dust Bunny*

            I have numerous friends and relatives who are type 2 diabetics and virtually all of them have found exercise invaluable in keeping their blood sugar down.

        2. Lives in a Shoe*

          This isn’t small potatoes to YOU. It’s 100% ok to be worried, stressed and need a place/way to ease your mind about something that isn’t the virus. Wishing you the best and sending some internet support.

          1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

            I missed that part. Yeah this isn’t small potatoes at all. It’s normal to be fearful of a new diagnosis, pregnant or not. There are so many more resources available for help now than they were when I was diagnosed.

        3. Lives in a Shoe*

          This isn’t small potatoes to YOU. It’s 100% ok to be worried, stressed and need a place/way to ease your mind about something that isn’t the virus. Wishing you the best and sending some internet support.

        4. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

          Hi. I’ve had T2 all my life. Don’t be scared and I dont’ blame you for wanting to feel sorry for yourself right now, I think we all have a little bit of that going on! Are you on medication?

          Are you looking for practical advice & meal subs or the emotional aspect of it?

          For the emotional part of it —

          Good thing is that gestational diabetes is temporary (although it can lead to diabetes later on if habits remain uncontrolled/unchanged). It’s only a few weeks give or take so take it little by littleif that helps. From waht I’ve heard, if you maintain a good diet now, delivery and recovery is a lot easier, but I don’t have firsthand experience of that. (yet).

          Best thing I can say is finding balance. The first few weeks will be rough, especially if you are taking medication, but eventually you’ll find that the cravings go away and 1 carb heavy meal or treat occasionally will not harm you or the baby.

          For food subs —

          Rebel & halo top ice creams are a really good alternative, they don’t spike me as much and taste good. But you still have to watch your portions. I still have a spoonful of regular hagen dasz on occasion, but I usually go without. Cool whip or whipped cream from a can is a good alternative as well.
          (for me it is 99% mental, mind over matter — but everyone is different).

          I’ve been on insulin for 10 years so using that isn’t a big deal to me, but I know it is for many people – in a lot of my pregnancy/diabetes groups they talk about ways to keep #s low so as to avoid medication.

          Are you on Facebook? There are a few pregnancy/diabetes groups as well as Keto in pregnancy groups that aim to treat this with diet and avoid going on medication.

          I also purcahsed a book from Amazon titled Food for gestaitoinal diabetes by Lily Nichols. It wasn’t anything new that I haven’t heard before but it does have a lot of useful information, especially for first timers, as well as meal plans.

        5. Chylleh*

          This is an extremely stressful time to be diagnosed with diabetes, even temporarily, and I’m so sorry it happened to you. I have Type 1, so I’m sure it’s not the same experience, but I have found that high levels of stress immensely messes with my blood sugar.

          I’ve had to increase my basal insulin more than I have in awhile to account for it. I’ve found exercise and light escapism (Animal Crossing) have helped a lot to relieve anxiety and my blood sugars have remained stable.

          This is of course easier said than done these days, so it’s a one day at a time thing. Wishing you the best.

          1. Kiwi with laser beams*

            Can I just say how much I appreciate the people who have been saying this throughout the crisis? New Zealand went into lockdown last week, which happened to also be the final week of a horrendous three-month busy period in my job (remote work for a company located in a country that’s handling it differently). The sleep deprivation caused by work exacerbated my anxiety about the pandemic, to the point where I was talking myself down from anxiety attacks every couple of hours. And I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because so much of it was unrelated to the pandemic. I really appreciate the commenters who reassure people like you’ve been doing.

            1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

              @Kiwi – this site has always made me feel that my concerns were valid and real issues, even the small potatoes.

              I was in other communities prior to this where me even being suicidal was just seen as being an attention whore. And sadly, I fed in to that so when someone complained about something or other, I was dismissive.

              So comments like above really contributed to changing my mindset and helping me be better IMO.

        7. Amy*

          I had gestational diabetes too. I was diagnosed at my 8 week appointment which was a real punch in the gut, figuratively speaking. I didn’t take it well – it felt horribly unfair. I really sympathize with you, especially with this timing during the pandemic when fresh food is harder to come by, exercise is more challenging, and stress is high. You may be able to control it with diet and exercise alone. I did that by eating low glycemic index foods (here’s a good resource: http://www.health.harvard.edu/healthy-eating/glycemic-index-and-glycemic-load-for-100-foods) and exercising after meals. Stay in close contact with the endocrinologist they will refer you to. They may end up putting you on insulin, which is more work but will free you up to eat a wider variety of foods.

          A few things to know:
          – It may be harder to you to gain weight if you go the diet & exercise route. I only gained 12 pounds during my pregnancy because of this which was nervewracking, but the baby did fine.
          – They will likely want to induce you around 39 weeks if you haven’t already gone into labor since your sugars become harder to control in late pregnancy, which is hard on the baby.
          – The good news is, you’re only about 10 weeks away from being done! And it will go away as soon as you deliver the placenta. I had the pancakes I had been dreaming of for months in recovery from L&D. :)

          Hang in there! It will all be worth it!

      5. Generic Name*

        That is so rough. I’m in CO too, but am blessed to have a school district that came up with a seamless plan for remote learning seemingly in a matter of days. The middle and high school kids all have chrome books, and they’ve managed somehow to issue chrome books to elementary students.

        I’m not sure if this is the article mentioned above, since it’s Harvard business review, but reading it helped me to put a name to what I’m feeling. I’ve definitely been crying a lot and feeling general anxiety: https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

        1. Parenthetically*

          Yes. I’m glad that article is being widely shared; it is excellent and helped me work through a lot of my emotions around all this.

      6. Bibliovore*

        For the dragons on Facebook #OperationReadAloud. Authors and illustrators reading aloud their Whole books and provide activities. For you, download Writing Boxes: the Reading/Writing connection. Author Von Drasek UMN publishing. It’s a free down load. All of the activities are Lo tech.

        1. OyHiOh*

          What fantastic resources! Second grade dragon will probably make great use of those

          Dyslexic dragons finally have the codes they need to access the school’s Epic Books for Kids account, which includes audio read along to texts. Crucial for making the connections between how words sound, and how they look.

          Very slowly, we’re making progress but I predict the first two weeks are going to be rough. I suspect our district is doing minimum effort because they really really fervently hope that the April 11 end to Shelter in Place will negate need for making this a long term workable plan.

          1. Bibliovore*

            The guy who founded EPIC is an old friend of mine. Random House audio is also allowing some free access

      7. Laurel*

        I’m a CO elementary teacher and share your frustration, and I think your plan sounds great. You sound a lot like other parents and teachers I know, you’re thinking it through and doing your best. It’s going to be enough.

        Special education requirements are still in effect—we know it won’t be the same, but your kids should still be getting their service time. Push on the district if they say otherwise!

        I know you weren’t asking for advice, so I hope this is helpful but I’m really sorry if it’s just annoying:

        If you want other non-screen learning activities, consider science or STEM challenges? Things like making ramps out of pieces of cardboard and then adding layers of challenge (can you make the ball/car roll back up a ramp? Can you go around a corner? Can you get it into the box? Can you make a ramp system that makes noise?) are really good for higher-order thinking and are a lot of fun. If you search for STEM or engineering challenges you can find some that don’t require too many materials. Paper airplane experiments are fun if you have the space, I like to challenge kids to build a structure on a tray/piece of cardboard that can stand up to an “earthquake,” you can use household materials to build a raft to carry a certain amount of weight in the sink, that kind of thing. If they need more challenge, have them make and revise blueprints as they go.

        If your kiddos are more into imaginative play than building, challenge them to create something like a bakery or fire station out of a box and whatever other materials you have available (but I know that can take up a lot of space that you may not have!).

        Also, it sounds like you have a plan for writing in journals (great idea). I also like to suggest having kids write letters to family members and friends and publishing their own books (fold paper in half and staple), especially graphic novels. A high ratio of illustrations to writing is fine!

        1. OyHiOh*

          We live in “unstable, non permanent housing” (aka motel room) so although there are some things we can do (art supplies! ALL THE ART SUPPLIES!!!) we’re quite a bit more limited than most.

      8. Salymander*

        My daughter’s teachers and middle school have been mostly great, but the algebra 1 teacher is not having them do anything except a bit of review for stuff they learned in grades 3-4. I guess review is good? But Daughter is really annoyed with it, so she is also doing lessons on Khan Academy site. It is really good so far, at least to give her practice with the algebra 1 stuff so she doesn’t forget what she already learned.

        Daughter’s school is letting the kids that need it to borrow Chromebooks to keep at home during the shelter in place. I hope your school district will be able to do something similar. I know many don’t have those resources.

        1. OyHiOh*

          From what I understand, all of our middle school and high school students have Chromebooks issued to them, that they can take back and forth from school. So this is an elementary school issue specifically.

          Some of our elementary schools – because of the combination of higher neighborhood property tax and savy principals – have a Chromebook assigned to every student. Other schools – lower neighborhood property tax and/or less savy principals – do not have 1:1 Chromebook coverage. This second group of elementary schools (remember, this is all in one city wide district) operate with coverage that varies from a few desk tops in each classroom to a technology cart per grade level.

          It’s “a secret” that some of our elementary schools have 1:1 Chromebook coverage.

          We’ve been told that distributing classroom Chromebooks would represent a liability to the district. Which is true . . . . except that the technology use agreement I signed at the beginning of the year (for my kid, at an elementary that has 1:1 Chromebooks) explicitly covers taking Chromebooks home. So my far less charitable read is that at the director level of district admin and within the school board, 1) they simply do not know how many Chromebooks exist in the elementary schools and 2) it would be highly embarressing to them to allow a situation that demonstrates the unequal distribution of resources within our district.

    4. Crazy Broke Asian*

      Budgeting during pandemic: have you made any adjustments in your budget? What expenses go down, what go up?

      Depending on how long I’ll stay WFH, I might spend almost zero on transport. The awful thing is that it’s still unclear how long we’ll be WFH. The city where I work implemented a semi lockdown a week ago, but the central government is still dragging its feet. I wish we’d get clarification soon so that I can adjust my budget accordingly.

      1. Marion Ravenwood*

        I’m also spending less on transport. I didn’t renew my monthly travel card when it expired this week; I figure that if/when I can go anywhere, I’ll just stick £10 or so on it and use PAYG.

        In terms of what I’m spending more on, it’s Kindle books, TV (as I bought Disney+ but splitting the cost with my boyfriend), ‘treat’ foods, and alcohol (although still less on the latter than if I was going out normally).

          1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

            In my area that’s an option if you already had a library card, but you can’t get a library card if the libraries are closed.

            1. Miso*

              You sure about that?
              In Germany, a lot of libraries right now let you make a card via email or phone even when it’s not usually an option, and most of the time it’s even for free until they open again/this thing is over!

            2. Thankful for AAM*

              Same for my area, you have to come in person with proof of residence in our city limits (its a taxes thing).

              Some libraries are offering a temporary online access card.

            3. Clisby*

              You could check gutenberg.org. A lot of it is older stuff, but you never know what you might turn up.

            4. Nerdy Library Clerk*

              I have no idea if the library districts offering temporary digital cards during this are paying close attention to addresses, but you could always see if it would go through. I know that’s kind of cheating, but these are exceptional circumstances. Maybe check the nearest city’s library district webpage? The worst that would happen is it doesn’t work.

            5. Mimosa Jones*

              Another option would be to share a card with someone else. I haven’t set this up yet, but both my mom and my in-laws have offered the electronic subscriptions (Overdrive) that come with their cards.

        2. Audiophile*

          Yes, same here. I had already renewed my parking permit, which is quarterly, and may wind up being a total waste if this extends like everyone seems to be suggesting. I didn’t renew my monthly train pass, so I’m saving a bit there.

          When I shifted to working from home a few weeks ago, I was ordering out a ton. Partly due to convenience and partly due to desire to help local restaurants. Then I was able to buy groceries and start cooking meals to have leftovers for lunch and dinner. I’ll need to go grocery shopping today or tomorrow for more meat and veggies.

        3. Germank106*

          You can also check out Books and Movies on the Internet Archive a/k/a Wayback Machine. It’s completely free and, while you might not be able to get the newest Bestsellers, it’s always good for something new.

      2. MistOrMister*

        I’m still working, albeit remotely now, so I haven’t really had any changes in expenses. I spent a bazillion dollars on food when this first started, stocking the pantry. But my last grocery run was more in line with what I’d normally spend. I feel like I’m spending more on food in the grocery store, but I would be grabbing breakfast or lunch at work a couple of times a week, so I assume I’m breaking even or maybe saving a little. Other than that I’m not seing any changes in my costs so far.

        1. Chocolate Teapot*

          I have found I am not spending as much, to the point I have been able to put a decent chunk of salary into my savings. We get luncheon vouchers, but the supermarkets are refusing to take then at the moment, and public transport is covered. Apart from chemists, supermarkets and newsagents, everything else is closed.

          So my weekly outgoings now comprise several trips to a couple of local supermarkets, and a weekly ready meal delivery to alternate with the other meals I cook at home. I have found that I am getting through far more fresh milk though, due to making regular cups of tea throughout the day!

      3. Lemonwhirl*

        My husband has a small business that’s seasonal and this thing has completely cratered the start of his new season. We’re in survival mode. Anything that’s not essential is not getting paid. The money we’re not spending is getting socked into savings because we have no idea how long this thing is going to go on for and it’s likely he will lose an entire year of sales and business.
        I have a job that I can do from home. I get paid monthly near the end of the month, and I put 1/3 of my pay check directly into our savings. If we need to “borrow” from that, we can, but ideally, we just want to save everything right now.
        We’ve switched grocery stores to one that is further away than our usual but does click-and-collect, which are usual one does not. The upside of this change is that the new grocery store is a fair bit cheaper. I always knew I was paying more for convenience, now I have actual numbers.

          1. Chocolate Teapot*

            You order or reserve something from a company’s website, then go to the store in person to collect it. It has been popular as you don’t need to waste a journey if there is a specific item not in stock.

          2. Lemonwhirl*

            Exactly what chocolate teapot says. Also, we live too far away from any grocery stores to get delivered groceries. Click-and-collect is a way that we can minimise our time outside the house.

            1. ...*

              Most people call that grocery pickup or ordering groceries online i think thats what the confusion was.

                2. alienor*

                  That’s a huge improvement on the industry acronym for it in the US, which is BOPIS (buy online, pick up in store)!

      4. Asenath*

        I think I’ve been saving money. I renewed my bus pass, since I need to do that monthly, and chose a 10 ride option which is a lot cheaper than the monthly one, and which isn’t time-limited so the rides will still be available if (as seems likely) I don’t use them soon. I generally have some food and other supplies tucked away, and that, combined with the fact that I now rarely go to a store, means I do less impulse shopping.

      5. Jdc*

        Our food budget has gone up for sure. Partially because the kid has breakfast and lunch laid for at school (all students regardless of income level do in our state in public school) and also because we’ve had to buy a bit more to avoid grocery runs. We have one delivery service here at our store but it is currently running about a week out and is an extra $15 plus tip. We haven’t hoarded anything just bought more than our normal weeks worth so we can stay inside.

        Our fuel is down but we don’t have a high fuel budget for our cars anyway so that’s not very noticeable.

        Luckily husband keeps working with no issues. I was just looking for a job since child support has stopped (whether or not I need a job should not be based on someone else refusing to pay their child support but I can’t magically force her to write a check). So now that’s nearly impossible so the lack of child support squeeze remains rather than being solved.

            1. Natalie*

              I believe that will only apply to someone who has an existing court order that seizes their tax refunds. The stimulus payments are technically an advance payment on a tax credit that will be available during the 2021 filing season. (Other federal garnishments [student loans, tax debt] won’t be collected.)

      6. NYWeasel*

        Less on transport, more on entertainment (buying movies on PPV and board games adds up really fast) since we are all home together more than usual. Had a big family vacation canceled, but now I have $2500 in various airline credits that I will need to use by the end of the year, which is annoying bc I have no reason to travel then. Also trying to support local businesses, so eating out more. I stocked up early on some expensive things (1-3 month supplies for 5 people for vitamins and cold medicines adds up super fast) and we’re also trying to keep 2-3 big cuts of meat on hand at all times so we can make dinners that will last for a few days. All in all, I’d say I pre-spent around $1000 on things we will likely use over the next 6-12 months, but it felt like a big hit spending it all at once.

      7. Anono-me*

        Reduced the Car insurance. $60.00 Savings

        Dropped the liability portion of the car insurance on one of the cars. Kept the insurance of the car itself active, (so if it gets smooshed by a falling piano, it is covered). Also, kept one car insured as normal, incase of trips to the grocery etc.

        I will be starting and running both vehicles to keep the batteries charged.

      8. StellaBella*

        Saving on transport as my annual bus pass expired 1 of March and we are on lockdown, but used the 400$ to instead buy groceries for 5 weeks… But I am not buying anything at all, since I am not going out as all the shops are closed!

      9. Pusheen*

        Surprisingly I’ve bought nothing except for some regular groceries. I’m esp have to be tighter now that I have no income.

        For food, I don’t have as much desire anymore to get something from outside so I eat at home.

        Have saved $$ on transport, filled up the gas tank 2 weeks ago and still a lot left

        I think my biggest expense aside from food was retail therapy and I haven’t had that desire.

      10. Ranon*

        We’re in good shape financially so we’ve ramped up our giving – our local domestic violence/ children’s shelter estimates they’ll need an additional 1.5 million dollars to deal with Covid-19, our local food pantry is working hard to keep our community fed, and we anticipate our favorite environmental charities won’t be seeing as much come in as so many folks see their budgets impacted by this thing so we’re trying to help fill in as we can.

        Otherwise we’re mostly homebodies so the other spending hasn’t changed much, turns out weekly meal planning is good practice for grocery shopping in a socially distant world, we’re trying to get our trips planned for every two weeks instead of weekly. A little less on eating out/ takeout for a bit, we’re still waiting on other folks getting some more practice at staying 6 feet away, right now they’re stressing us out so we’re erring on the side of blocks away until everyone gets better at it.

        1. OtterB*

          Us too on ramping up the giving. I hadn’t thought about DV but we’ve made contributions to the food pantry and other local charities, some local virus-specific efforts (having lunch delivered to the staff at the nearby hospital, supporting restaurant workers who have lost their jobs).

          Transportation costs are down, especially parking at my office since I’m not going there, and I’m not getting breakfast/lunch out. Grocery costs are correspondingly a bit higher. We’re eating out less, though I’m trying to still get carryout or delivery from a few of our local places to support them.

          A little bit more book buying, but that tended to be high anyway, and between the combination of actually working from home and cooking more, I don’t have all that much extra time on my hands.

        2. Dog Fosterer*

          I know animal rescues are suffering as it’s hard to adopt out the animals (shelters can’t, and foster-based are slowed) and more importantly their fundraisers are often in pet stores and other places that aren’t allowing it. Sadly people still need to give up their animals at this time, probably even more so because some who lose their job won’t be able to afford their pet. I’m not suggesting you donate to different charities, just commenting that this has repercussions for so many.

          I am thinking about buying gift certificates for local restaurants, and sending them to hospitals. I’m just not sure if it’s a good idea?

          1. nonegiven*

            I had cat food in a cart online and it suddenly reloaded and said they were out. I’m going to have to buy the overpriced cheap stuff at the grocery store and have multi-colored pukes all over my house.

      11. LQ*

        I’m spending less on food. I’m not going out as much, I’m not buying for friends because I can’t go out with friends. I cut out alcohol in times of stress so less there. My building is doing a really stupid thing with packages so I’m eschewing ordering anything delivered until they stop being asses about it.

        I’m working more but salaried so no ot. But overall spending less.

      12. Oxford Comma*

        Way less on gas, groceries, probably clothes, if this keeps up fewer copays
        More on food delivery, probably streaming.

      13. Overeducated*

        I’ve had a 25% income reduction due to taking a couple hours a day of unpaid leave for childcare while day care is closed, but day care prorating tuition for 2 weeks more than makes up for it. Spending more on groceries, but less often; less on gas; less on kids’ activities but more on stuff to do at home. So i guess we come out even so far. I feel very lucky to be in that position.

      14. Policy wonk*

        No expenses for haircuts, dry cleaning, cleaning service. Significantly less on gas and tolls. So I sent about half the savings to an organization that feeds the poor. (Hanging on to the other half in case one of us is laid off.)

        1. Windchime*

          I’m saving money on gas, parking, and dining out all related to commuting to the office. I have actually been enjoying having choices for breakfast instead of just taking a piece of toast in the car. I have been making sandwiches for lunch, except one day a week I go to the drive-through of the local mom-and-pop hamburger stand; I want contribute to their ability to stay open if I can. I imagine that my utility bill will be higher since I’m using the heat more during the day, but I’m spending so much less on gas and parking that it will even out.

          Due to someone else’s suggestion above, I will make a donation to my local food bank with some of the savings.

      15. Epsilon Delta*

        Way over budget: consumer goods (lots of online shopping and shipping charges for stuff to entertain us at home)
        Slightly over budget: groceries (we normally buy in bulk and pack lunches from home so actually were pretty well set. Except for toilet paper –of course–), investments in our Roth IRAs (VTI and VXUS. We max these out every year but I funded it earlier than the usual schedule when the stock market started tanking)
        Under budget: entertainment (going out to parks, plays, etc), gasoline, pet grooming (cancelled due to lockdown), mortgage (we refinanced before all this started going down and the first payment isn’t due till May!), daycare

        Overall we’re looking at saving an extra $1200 this month. My husband may or may not be out of work. He works in construction, which is considered essential in our state, but his employer is having a hard time figuring out who to send to job sites, they don’t have the OSHA-required PPE due to shortages, and they are refusing to pay overtime (completely illegal and my husband is refusing to work overtime). We’ll be ok if he gets laid off because we can live off my salary if we cut down on frivolous spending a little.

      16. Lady Jay*

        I think I’m saving money? I’m less likely to go blow money on buying a fun snack from the grocery store (since I’m limiting trips to the grocery store), food costs are likely down overall for the same reason, and fuel costs are certainly down. That said, I’m trying very hard to hang onto whatever I’ve got – I wasn’t rich before this, and the current state of the economy makes me very, very nervous.

      17. Sesquedoodle*

        I normally hate the, “stop buying lattes to pay off your mortgage,” genre of financial advice, but I am actually spending less money now that all the cafes are shut.

        1. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

          Ugh I hate these claims, especially since the people making them don’t know what trade-offs you’re making when you choose to buy coffee or drinks. I don’t have a lot of the expenses other people do due to being single with no kids. So yeah I’m going to order a glass of wine with my dinner.

      18. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

        My eating out budget has gone down tremendously. Now I only cook at home. Before lockdown, it was common for me to go out for drinks and to restaurants on the weekends, but I obviously can’t do that anymore. Also, since I’m home all the time, I have more time and energy to cook, so my usual excuses for being lazy and opting for takeout are no longer there.

        Of course, that means I’m spending more on groceries, but I’m still saving money overall.

      19. Parenthetically*

        Yeah, we’re spending less almost across the board except on electricity? No more preschool fees (*sobbing*), cooking from scratch every meal of eVERY DAY, gas is cheaper for when my husband does go somewhere (he’s WFH on office days but drives our car to do field work, mostly by himself). Our only “extra” expense was that I broke down and got Disney+ because I now have to keep a toddler entertained for SO MANY more hours every week.

      20. Panthera uncia*

        I’m doing a weird dance of trying to avoid the grocery store, trying to use up the food I have, and trying to maintain healthy eating/weight loss that was medically necessary (severe reflux that caused tissue damage). My list of reflux-safe foods is somewhat limited, and leaving my stomach empty too long also causes an acid surge, so balancing all these factors has been quite a tightrope.

        As I mentioned yesterday, I was eating subsidized meals at work during the week (for example, a lunch of a large fresh veg salad with a broiled salmon steak was about $3.50). Now I’m making my own breakfasts and lunches, and I’m curious to see whether the month’s credit card statement will show a gain or a loss compared to work food.

      22. Princesa Zelda*

        The nature of my spending has changed dramatically. I usually buy a $2 cup of coffee and maybe a snack in the morning before work, for human interaction where I don’t have to be Just So Happy! and obviously that’s out the window. I usually buy small amounts of groceries twice a week, which has been changed to one biggish trip every 7-9 days. (I forgot to get eggs last time I left, and it’s at least 5 more days until I’m going again /sigh) I splurged on pizza a few days ago, since $20 of pizza will feed me for 4 days, but other than that I haven’t had any takeout; usually I eat out about once/week, after a day so draining I can’t even LOOK at my kitchen. I’m also spending a lot less on entertainment/outings — no festivals, no farmers market, no zoo, means nowhere for me to buy an ice cream and wander around.

      23. Square Root of Minus One*

        I’m on day 13 of lockdown. Mostly saving, but my budget has been so whacked in December by me buying my place, the corona influence is barely a blip on my radar.

        Plus side : no transport (my bus card wasn’t charged this month) – no eating out at work.

        Minus side : Grocery delivery. I have to buy in heaps so it doesn’t add up like crazy, which looks like the hoarding that plagues us all but I just can’t afford 10% of my food budget going in delivery fees. Also, I can’t set up my balcony into an herb and vegetable garden yet, so I’m losing money there.

        I’ll still come out ahead for Corona alone, but the rest is making it more difficult.

    5. singlelady*

      I live in an area that’s actively social distancing – and where the majority of the population is working from home -which is great! We should be! However, I live alone and am now working from home. I see lots of colleagues and friends on video/phone chat throughout the day, but I’m beginning to feel like I’m in a time warp. I’m getting jealous of my friends and colleagues that have live-in partners and small/large nuclear families that they can’t social distance from. I feel very isolated and am craving in person connection and physical touch. I know others are in this boat too – what are you doing to stay healthy and maintain good mental health?

      Also to those of you who are part of families and have single folks in your life that live alone – reach out and see how they are doing.Us singles tend to put on a brave front and pretend like we are fine especially when everyone else is getting annoyed by their partners/families. I’m an introvert and usually 120% okay being alone, but this is strange times and I’m feeling very lonely. It also has exacerbated the fears I already have of being a post-20s single – like EEK, what if this goes on for more months? My hope for a future relationship and family has just become much much much more difficult to achieve. If you’ve got someone in your life like me, let them know you are thinking about them. Yes, our lives are definitely easier in SO many ways right now, but also it’s emotionally challenging to be alone and alone and alone.

      1. Outside Earthling*

        I am the opposite. I have never felt so happy and contented to be single and live alone. I can do exactly as I please – in my own home, that is, obviously not in the world at large. I read, I do jigsaw puzzles, I listen to music, I speak with family and friends. Last night I danced along to an old David Bowie concert film. I am in my element. : )

        1. London Calling*

          Yes, me too. I can still go out and exercise and I really resented the suggestion from work of daily catchups which thankfully haven’t materialised. Quite happy not to see some of my colleagues for weeks.

        3. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

          Same here. I do eventually want to get married, but honestly, since I’m stuck at home, it’s probably better to be alone. I don’t think there is anyone on this earth (besides maybe a cat) that I would like enough to spend 100% of my time around. That being said, I am keeping in touch with my friends and family a lot, so that helps me from being lonely.

          1. Windchime*

            I’m pretty much loving just being alone with my cat. I have one coworker in particular that I’m accustomed to doing a lot of collaboration with, and I miss just being able to turn my chair and talk to him. I think he feels the same since he telephoned me yesterday about a work issue.

            I have an adult son that I usually see every couple of weeks, but he hasn’t been stopping by. He works at a grocery store and is exposed to all kinds of stuff, so we are practicing social distance. And I haven’t seen my parents in months, but they are in their 80’s and I just don’t want to risk visiting them on the possibility that I could expose them. Not worth it.

          2. Filosofickle*

            This is how I know I’m with a person who’s right for me. My whole life until 3 years ago I’d have agreed with you – much better to be alone than with ANYONE around the clock. I always needed lots of space. But with him I don’t. We’re living together through this, and it still feels good. Yay!

            2. allathian*

              Me too! That doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the odd hour here and there completely alone, we’re not joined at the hip. Of course, having a four-bedroom house helps, as we can work in different rooms.

        4. Me--Blargh!*

          I really miss having my own space. Being in someone else’s is the worst. I wish I could have found a job and moved before the pandemic, but I feel like now that may never happen and it’s making me super anxious. I do NOT want to be stuck here forever. I don’t want to be here at all but there was no other choice. I feel so stifled; I can’t do anything, I have no real privacy, and it is incredibly frustrating.

          I thought maybe I shouldn’t have sold my house, but the only job I could have gotten would have been food service, and I would have lost it anyway when OldCity went on lockdown. At least this way, I’m not costing my mum as much and she’s not by herself in the midst of this (my sibling’s family lives nearby, but they can’t come over). Oh, and she claimed me on her taxes as a dependent, which will be a help to her, but that means I don’t get a stimulus check. *giant eyeroll*

          Maybe this situation will lead to the path that will get me to the things I need. Somehow. Fast, I hope.

          1. Windchime*

            Selling your house was the right thing to do. You were in dire need of a change and things weren’t happening for you in the old place. This is just a delay; it will be OK. And it might be a good thing that you are there with your mom in case one of you needs to care for the other during this.

            Hang in there.

            1. Me--Blargh!*

              I’ve been helping her when I can and keeping my part of the house clean. But I need to get away. Far, far away. I really need to leave the state entirely. Every time I try to do something to change things, it just gets worse. I feel like Wile E. Coyote.

          2. My Brain Is Exploding*

            Hope she checked to make sure she could claim you. (To claim another adult as a dependent you have to have provided more than half – I think – of their support for the tax year.) It is good you can be there for her. It won’t be forever!! Hang in there.

            1. Alex*

              This–did you live with your mom the whole year 2019? If not, I don’t think she can claim you, unless you are under 24, which maybe you are but the fact that you owned a house makes that seem less likely.

              I’m not a tax professional, so please check up on this, but I think maybe she actually can’t.

              1. Me--Blargh!*

                I did not live with her until late autumn, but she was fully supporting me. She has a professional to do her taxes.

      2. Blue wall*

        Oh man I was feeling this aloneness so much. This week I decided to stay with a sibling and their family, and we will all isolate together. It’s made a huge difference already. Do you have this option?

      3. LQ*

        I feel you on this. Though I have to go into work and am working lots. I don’t get any connection other than that and that’s all high tension high stress. I’m an introvert too and it’s been hard to explain why I’m feeling so lonely because I am so introverted.

        Part of it is that most of my usual avenues for recharging my batteries have been stolen. So I can’t be doing the alone and recharge things I normally would do in a really ordinary and boring way. I think it’s increasing the lonely feelings. I’m also kind of too tired to respond, I’ve had a few friends and family reach out but I look at their texts and messages and it just feels like another task and another thing I have to do and am too tired to do so then I feel bad for feeling lonely when I can’t be bothered to respond to someone reaching out and spiral.

        1. Tau*

          Honestly, I think people tend to go too far with the introvert/extrovert thing on this front. Like, OK, you have lower social needs than is typical, but that doesn’t mean you must be OK with all your usual contacts going to zero. Humans are social animals! Complete social isolation is widely considered a form of torture! And right now is a scary uncertain time and I suspect for a lot of people that results in a low-level impulse to band together – the monkey brain wants to fight off the threat in a group. So I think it’s perfectly understandable that even though you’re OK alone usually you’re not dealing with it well now.

          (for the record, I also sympathise on the “I am feeling socially isolated but also too exhausted to respond to people” thing, which is a recurring feature of the hilarious bundle of contradictions that is my brain. My main tip is that it is definitely a good idea to try to push yourself to arrange a call or something with one of them even if it seems extremely difficult, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t. This is a very hard time, be kind to yourself!)

          1. LQ*

            I think you’re very right, the social animal and you can’t hug people, you can’t sit next to a friend, you can’t be in spaces with others even if you aren’t interacting. I feel very much like my monkey brain is ready to protect and defend my tribe and screw everyone else. (My tribe is my state and I work in state government so I don’t know how much I can fight that right now.) I have this weird urge to read about how poorly other states are doing. I don’t normally revel in others misfortune, but tribalism has reared it’s ugly brain state and this is how it’s being expressed for me.

          2. Kiwi with laser beams*

            Yeah, even as an introvert, there’s a bunch of stuff that I can’t do and people I can’t see because of the lockdown, although I do have an easier situation than many.

            The other reason the introvert jokes have been bugging me is because being an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t be affected by the big-picture stuff that’s going on. Being an introvert won’t protect me from getting sick if I got infected pre-lockdown, etc. Being an introvert won’t protect my job if the economic effects hit my company. Being an introvert doesn’t make me feel less sad that people in my favourite airline have already lost their jobs. Being an introvert won’t protect me from being unable to access treatment for other health problems if other people are reckless about the lockdown and overload the healthcare system. I’m not saying people have to be pessimistic, but I really can’t view this as a staycation.

      4. Venus*

        There is some flexibility, depending upon how isolated you have been.

        You can get together with a friend who is healthy, by sitting outside some distance from each other and chatting in person.

        If you and someone else have been completely isolated for 14 days (12 days is probably okay, as it’s the 98% point), with no grocery trips and not seeing other people, then there’s no reason not to give each other a hug! If both of you are young and healthy, and have been mostly isolated for 14 days (went to the grocery store but practiced social distancing and were careful), then you’re probably fine giving each other a hug.

        It’s not about only staying at home for months, rather it’s about being reasonable. The problem is that some people aren’t isolating or distancing themselves, and are spreading the virus quickly, which is why we keep being told to stay home. But if you have stayed home for 14 days then… you are 99% likely to not have the virus! (there are cases of people being infected and having no symptoms, which is why we need to be careful and social distance ourselves as much as possible, but we also won’t have to not touch anyone else for months).

      5. Djuna*

        My country went to strict shelter in place from midnight last night, and it hit me kind of hard too.
        My best friend and I had designated one another as safe contacts, isolating during the week and hanging out one day at weekends for a supermarket trip (she drives, I don’t) and a coffee and catch-up. Now, that’s not allowed anymore. I felt silly texting her earlier saying the government had banned us hanging out (how rude!), and relieved when she got back to me saying it hit her hard too.

        I don’t want to minimize what you’re feeling in any way, because I know this is all so hard and so weird, but it doesn’t mean your future is irrevocably altered. It’s normal to feel lonely, it sucks, but it is normal. It doesn’t mean you will be lonely forever. I also really wouldn’t worry about being post-20’s single. That’s pretty much the new normal, and it’s not even that “new” (unless my friends are all outliers, and I kind of doubt that, but we are in Europe so YMMV).
        Be kind to yourself, there’s no expiration date on your heart.

      6. Anon attorney*

        I feel you. I’m actually ok being on my own at the moment and as a widow I have acquired very good ‘grit your teeth and get through the shit days’ skills, which I would rather not have done but since it happened regardless of what I wanted I may as well use the knowledge. But after four years, this was gonna be the year I tried to get back into circulation and opened up to finding someone new – so I understand that feeling of a window of time closing.

        Also, people whining about their spouses and kids is getting old, I realise it’s not necessarily easy for them either but I would just like someone at work or in my friend group to remember and acknowledge that I am 100% on my own with this. I feel invisible sometimes.

        Hang on in there. Better times will come.

      7. Bluesboy*

        I don’t doubt that it is tough and lonely for you right now, and I really sympathise, but I’d like to push back on the idea that this will make your long term goals more difficult to achieve.

        I strongly suspect that throughout this period a lot of people will be feeling the same way as you, and will find themselves in three months time or so determined to do their best to meet people and get back in the game!

        I wonder if it’s also a good time to try online dating, without the pressure of ‘when should we meet up?’ It creates a chance to really get to know someone online before feeling you have to meet.

        Anyway, take care and hopefully it will all pass sooner than expected

      8. cheeseburger*

        I really feel for you. I am in the opposite situation, with my husband and 3 kids (1.5, 3.5, 6) home all day, and DH and I have to work. It’s complete chaos. I sleep 5-6 hours a night and consider it a win if I have the same number of kids at the end of the day as I do when I wake up.

    6. Princess Deviant*

      Austistic here.
      I hadn’t realised until this pandemic that I need my food and household products bought from the same shop at the same time and from the same brands. That’s a big part of my routine. I sort of took it for granted that that’s what I could do?

      Not being able to do so now has absolutely freaked me out, more so than the general disruption to my routine that everyone is finding stressful (I think).
      I hate it. It’s making me ill.

      1. MistOrMister*

        I’m not on the spectrum, but I also didn’t realize how the stores would be hit so badly and how much it would impact me and create anxieties. I think very few of us have envisioned something like this where things we consider basics aren’t even available. (Although I have been heartened to see this week that the stores are slowly becoming more stocked. And at least the fresh fruitd and vegetables are back).
        I really feel for you. As little fun as this has been for me, I’ve changed my shopping day and I still have the act of grocery shopping, which I find soothing. I can’t imagine how rough it must be to need the routine of going at a set time and wanting set things, because god help us, so much is missing from the shelves right now! I hope it gets better for you soon. Both stores I went to this week were low on a lot of things, but still had much more than the two weeks before, so that is promising. Also, we can only keep up the panic buying for so long! Either people will go bankrupt buying everything or they’ll run out of storage space. We keep being told the problem is not with supply, just demand has gotten overwhelming with the panickers. So hopefully you can be back to your shopping routine soon. Good luck!! And I wish I could offer advice, but I feel like suggestions that would help me will seem patronizing (because, sure I can go to 3 stores and get offbrands and be happy, but if you need the routine, then me suggesting that seems tone deaf to your needs). I am sorry you are going through this and how it’s impacting you.

      2. KoiFeeder*

        I definitely didn’t realize how much chocolate ice cream was a part of my routine, much less a load-bearing part of my routine, until everyone bought all of it. That’s probably been the thing I’ve had the worst time adjusting to. Sure, I can self-isolate, I can completely lose my external routines and have to start from scratch, but losing my chocolate has made eating practically impossible because I keep hitting meltdown mode every time I open the freezer and don’t see it.

        2. Anono-me*

          That just sounds so hard for you.

          I have what may be a rather naive and clueless idea, please let me know if you have the bandwidth to deal with well-intentioned but possibly unviable ideas?

            1. Anono-me*

              PD. I had read your comment that you were missing an unspecified ‘load food item’. I didn’t realize it was chocolate ice cream for you as well.

              I tend to be a very very lazy cook.
              And I also tend to kind of MacGyver food to make it work for the situation at hand. ( I also tend to be lazy about going to the grocery store.)

              Here’s what I do, if I only have vanilla ice cream and I want something different. (I hope it is useful to you and anyone.)

              I let the vanilla ice cream soften a bit and mix in whatever I have at hand. Then either I eat the soft ice cream or I throw the new flavored ice cream back in the freezer to harden up again.
              Obviously for chocolate ice cream, chocolate syrup would work the best.

              Other mix in choices are fudge syrup, Nestle Quik powders berries, bananas, nut butters, nuts, and/or candy.

              1. allathian*

                I’ve done the same, only with unsweetened cocoa powder, like you’d use for baking. Works great! Tastes chocolatey but not overly sweet, which is a risk with chocolate syrup.

              2. Princess Deviant*

                It isn’t chocolate ice cream for me, but I like these hacks.
                I make chocolate cake when I’m stressed, and cocoa powder does the trick when I don’t have chocolate in (I usually do not have chocolate in!) Thank you, it’s very thoughtful of you.

                1. Anono-me*

                  I want to be helpful but I also don’t want to be that person who gives useless ideas because they don’t understand the situation.

                  I hope everyone who wants it, can find the real thing soon.

        3. Not A Manager*

          There are recipes online for no-churn chocolate ice cream. They all seem to use sweetened condensed milk as a base, and then add melted chocolate, cocoa powder, or both. Then fold in whipped cream. Just looking at them, I like the technique where you stir a bit of the chocolate mixture into the cream before folding the cream into the base (as opposed to the ones where you just fold the plain whipped cream into the base).

          Anyway, if you can find those ingredients, it might be fun to try making your own?

    7. Miso*

      I feel almost bad about how little I’m actually affected…
      My work (public library) is closed, but we still go to work, and we actually have a bunch to do, and I don’t have to worry about losing my job or anything. I actually can take two weeks of vacation instead of one around Easter, which is nice!
      I don’t leave the house much anyway and mainly play games or watch Netflix at home. In theory I can even still meet the one friend who lives near me.
      Basically the only things that bother me is that my friend who lives abroad isn’t coming to visit as planned and that I can’t go to IKEA to try some chairs…

      Oh, and I guess no dates for now, but it’s not like that was going so great before anyway…

      1. MistOrMister*

        For myself this has been great. I am happy at home, hanging out with my cats. I’m talking to my friends and family the same as before, if not more. I’m able to see one friend more often because her schedule is nuts, but since I’m working at home it’s easier for us to get together – in a socially responsible way – talking from a distance or going on a walk and keeping the sidewalk between us, etc.

        But yesterday was my first experience being really sad about this. I went to a local restaurant to pick up dinner, in an attempt to help businesses near me. I walked in and they had the tables set up so you can’t actually get into the main parts of the restaurant. But what got me was the waitresses that have been working there as long as I’ve gone there (5 or 6 years)….not one of them was there. And the parking lot was empty from all the stores nearby that were closed. I’ve heard the numbers and speculation about lost jobs but that was what really drove home to me that an awful lot of people are living in limbo right now and are suffering because of this. Not just the sick people and their friends and family. But the waitresses and people who work at goodwill and any number of others are in or going to be in really bad shape. It is really disheartening. And the fact that it’s going to get worse for a while yet is very concerning.

    8. Bilateralrope*

      I’ve ended up working security at a homeless shelter during the lockdown. They are taking all the reasonable precautions so I feel safe.

      The amusing thing I noticed is that the shelter has a single board game. Its title is “Pandemic”.

      1. Mme Defarge*

        Pandemic is a great game – you play cooperatively to beat the world from being overwhelmed by viral pandemic disease!

        1. Orbit*

          My 15 year old plays a computer version of this game. She named that last virus Coronavirus and then proceeded to vanquish it. I think she found it cathartic. Lol

        3. Green great dragon*

          I’ve just ordered Pandemic to help keep my Green Small Dragons entertained. Was slightly expecting it to be sold out in the UK :/

      2. LizB*

        For the past year my SO and I have been playing Pandemic: Legacy with some friends of ours. It’s a version of that same game where you play twelve “months” worth of games and the actions you take have consequences on the shape of the game moving forward – you add stickers to the board, tear up cards, new problems are revealed as you go, etc. It’s been really fun, most of the time I would highly recommend it!

        We figured out the technology to do a virtual board game night with those friends last night. We played something else.

    9. Dad Troubles*

      My dad (and stepmom) live about 45 min away from me. I’m the closest kid to them as my brother is on the opposite coast and my sister is in another country. My dad’s suggestion to any issue is ‘come stay with us, we’ll take care of you’. Broke my leg and was homebound for a month? Came over and stay. Upset because of the death of a friend when I need to get ready for the funeral? Come over and stay. Frustrated with work even though I need to go in the next day and it makes so sense to drive 45 minutes away from work on a weekday? Come over and stay.

      I know it comes from a place of love and wanting to see at least one of his kids but it’s frustrating, especially with what’s going on right now. As soon as new of the virus really started amping up, he was on the phone with me, telling me to come to his house. I put him off because I was sick (just a cold, not corona) but he’s still nagging me to come over. We’re not at ‘shelter in place’ levels just yet but I certainly don’t want to be stuck in complete isolation with him and my stepmom. Also they’re both over 60 and I don’t want to accidentally spread it to them. They’re otherwise practicing good social distancing as far as I know, but I’m almost avoiding calling my dad to even check on him because it will eventually become another come and stay with us debate.

      1. Not A Manager*

        Can you try to respond to the emotion, and not the suggestion? He loves you and wants you to be safe. “Come home and stay with us!” – “Thanks for the offer, Dad. I love you too.” The more you can address his real feelings and avoid the logistics discussion, the better. If he pushes, maybe try things like, “That won’t work for either of us right now, but it’s great to know that I always have a place to go,” etc. Don’t emphasize the “not coming home” part, emphasize the “I know you love me” part.

        1. Parenthetically*

          Love this language. It’s an offer of love; receive accordingly and act how you want.

    10. Batgirl*

      What items in the house have you found to be a godsend in lockdown/isolation?
      For me it’s my kindle, the WiiFit (for when the internet went down and my exercise vids with them), flour for making extra bread and essential oils for burning when I ran out of menthol sweets. Yeah, I went through the bread and throat sweets my brother brought me like Pacman!

      1. Ranon*

        My hands, for opening our blinds! I’ve gotten better about opening them every day and it’s soooo much better.

      2. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

        Not an item but I’m grateful that, if anything, we are dealing with a pandemic at an age with Internet and a bunch of digital tools for virtual meetings, chats, etc. Because of this, I don’t have trouble passing the time – I play games on my phone, watch Netflix and YouTube, FaceTime my friends, chill on this website. Even my workout classes are now being given online, so I don’t even have to sacrifice that.

        Of course, I do like my share of in-person socializing, and look forward to when we can do that again, but for now it’s not too boring.

      3. AngelicGamer, the Visually Impaired Peep*

        My Kindle is a big one but also Youtube! I finally restarted my yoga routine with Yoga with Adriene – I started the March playlist yesterday. I feel mentally better today even if my legs are all “what did you do?!”.

      4. Elizabeth West*

        I would be lost without internet. But even if something happened to it (NO NO NO NO NO NO NO), my laptop. I do everything on it. Ev.Er.Y.Thing.

      5. General von Klinkerhoffen*

        Speaking as one symptomatic, you might consider preparing:

        * acetaminophen (paracetamol)
        * a few adult continence pads
        * baby wipes or festival wipes

        Change your bedclothes while you feel well, and have additional pillowcases ready for when you don’t (they’re not crucial, but soothing).

        1. Not A Manager*

          I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I hadn’t heard about the continence pads. Is this for stomach upset, or for some other reason?

          1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

            Stress incontinence.

            Cough becomes very strong. Bathroom visits are totally exhausting but it is v important to keep hydrated. A Tena Lady pad (or non-UK equivalent) means one less thing to worry about if your bladder isn’t totally empty.

            Sorry for TMI.

            Don’t hoard supplies, obviously, as many people require them 365/365. But they have been useful in more than one household around here.

      7. Anonymous ball of anxiety*

        My treadmill! I’m trying to get outside to walk and run, but sometimes I can’t quite overcome the anxiety.

      8. Parenthetically*

        I had so much yeast and flour in my house! And Mr. Parenthetically and my folks got me a new computer for my birthday. My son and I start the day with a Bluey or two in bed these days. It’s great.

        1. Tau*

          Treausre your yeast! It’s apparently now on the panic buy list over here, it was in the paper and the shops had almost none. We bake a lot, so this is not a welcome development at all.

      9. Natalie*

        Really happy I bought a digital piano in the fall. It was a big purchase for me and would be hard to justify now, but I am really enjoying playing at the moment.

      10. Stephanie*

        The second bathroom in the finished basement that the contractor finished work on in the nick of time. They finished on March 16. Both kids are home from college, and we downsized in September (because both kids are in college…) from a 2300 square foot house with 2 1/2 bathrooms to a 1500 square foot house with 1 bathroom (until 12 days ago). It has been a life saver. I cannot imagine all four of us sharing the one tiny bathroom on the second floor without constant bickering.
        My Kindle, Zoom for conversations with friends and family, Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Prime, my laptop and my phone. Flour, sugar, butter, and yeast for baking. All of the TV’s (the kids brought their TV’s with them when they came home)–we can all watch what we want, and we can get away from each other for a while.
        My dogs’ harnesses, which make it possible to walk them without them choking themselves or backing out of their collars (2 greyhounds and a grey/whippet mix).
        Wii Rockband, which we will all play together tonight after dinner.

    11. Pusheen*

      Anyone want to share the lighthearted stories Or any positive stories coming out of this?

      1. Finding Nemo*

        There’s a podcast I follow called Kind World that’s has started spotlight stories of kindness during this crazy Coronavirus time.

      2. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

        People in my neighborhood started clapping and gifting food and water to the garbage men.

      3. Miso*

        My work schedule is actually better than before! I’ve got two day weekends, whoo!

        Also (I mentioned this above, but can’t be said enough), a lot of libraries in Germany let you make a card for free and via email or the phone right now so people can use eBooks. I think that’s very neat.

        1. Kardamumma*

          My public library in Canada does that too. And so many digital resources are available – from movies to books to classes. The library has been a godsend!

      4. Overeducated*

        People in my neighborhood are doing those scavenger hunts where you put pictures in your window for kids to find on walks. One is for rainbows, one neighbor without kids asked on Facebook if some kid could make her one, so my kid painted one, and I slid it under her door when we walked by yesterday. I noticed that she had baskets of bottled water and snacks set out with a “thank you, please help yourself” sign for delivery people and thought that was really sweet.

        In another little kindness, people have figured out that Asian supermarkets are the best stocked, and are putting out “need anything? Let me know in the next 20 minutes!” calls when they go. These are just little things but they are thoughtful.

          1. Reba*

            Nesting issues ahoy.

            ANYWAY I meant to write that we went out to a big Korean grocery in a nearby suburb as our weekly outing last week and honestly I had a blast. :D I don’t know when I’ve had so much fun. Just grocery shopping!

            Partly just being out of the house, but also just seeing a well stocked store, that was also being very cautious and safeguarding employees to an extent.

        2. New Job So Much Better*

          Our neighborhood is putting teddy bears in front windows, so kids can go walk and Bear-Hunt. I have a bunch of stuffed animals in my bay window, with an ET hidden among them, and some white lights to brighten things up.

      5. c-*

        Venice’s channels are clean again for the first time in decades. The fish have come back in some! And pollution levels are way down in many parts of the world. One of my neighbours plays saxophone and I can hear her practicing, and yesterday two of my neighbours took their toddlers out to their respective balconies and the kids had a very cute, socially-responsible, play date.

      6. Who Plays Backgammon?*

        Being stuck in my little tiny apartment with internet for company, I’m surfing for ideas to perk up the place when the stores and the budget open back up. Keeps me from stewing over the news reports and worrying about each little cough (allergies).

        Won’t take a major redo, very few pieces will fill the place. Japanese? Midcentury?

      7. Trixie*

        I find the perspective check from Chelsea on The Financial Diet/Youtube channel very helpful. Also, so many online resources are offering from meditation, yoga, etc. classes. And, Ryan.Heffington offers a “sweatiest” club/dance break on Instagram, just to encourage WFW, families, kids, to get up and move.

        Also, I’m loving the “bowl cut” photos that are circulating. My pixie cute was already long (for me) when my area closed salons. Depending on things go, will I inadvertently start to grow it out?! I could also experiment with non-permanent hair coloring, from the safety of home.

        My favorite FB page is “Aldi Nerds” and includes both shoppers and staff. Shoppers bringing in breakfast/gift cards for the employees, or paying it forward for other shoppers. Such a good example to follow.

      8. Parenthetically*

        I live in Kentucky. Our governor is WONDERFUL. The memes about him (“andy beshear memes for social distancing teens” on FB) have been so much fun.

        1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

          Ha in one of my groups he’s called Gov BAE. He is pretty nice to look at.

      9. Djuna*

        There’s another website I visit daily, where they’ve started up a slush fund for readers who have lost their jobs or are having other financial problems due to the pandemic. They raised $20k in less than 24 hours and are now up to (checks open tab) almost $44k. Every day, the editor posts to let us know about the people we’ve helped and it makes me so happy. It is a reminder at a time when many of us sorely need it that people are (generally!) good and kind and want to help others.

      10. Stephanie*

        I’m seeing a lot more people out walking and biking in my suburban neighborhood than previously.
        We’ve been walking our three dogs almost daily, which wasn’t happening before, either.

      11. Ranon*

        Our city is apparently rocking it when it comes to fostering animals, 82% of the animals at our biggest shelter are currently in foster homes. I hope everyone who’s fostering is enjoying their furry buddies!

    12. Anon and Livid*

      I have a family member who is over 65 yo, who took a trip to NYC to take care of her cousin in the hospital for routine surgery. Said family member went across NYC, went to restaurants, whole 9 yards (wearing a face mask TG), and returned to our state area where she is a cancer pharmacist. Her boss asked her to self-isolate/self-quarantine for 2 weeks as per policy that anyone coming out of NYC must self-isolate 2 weeks.

      Family member refused to self-isolate. And returned to work this past Monday. Cancer: immuno-compromised.

      This was relayed to me via another family member, who says said family member claims to have no symptoms, so no worries.

      I was LIVID. Her boss failed the patients, FM’s failed everyone, and she could’ve taken down an entire ward of patients in the pharmaceutical clinic. I volunteered there decades ago and remember a young mother crying and telling me she was scared she wouldn’t live to see her kindergartener graduate high school.

      I knew my mother was stubborn and impossible, but I never thought she’d be this reckless and heartless.

      1. Anon and Livid*

        And, I anonymously reported her to the local state health department out of concern for her patients. OMFG I cannot believe I had to do this.

        4. Ann O.*

          Thank you for reporting her. I’m not sure how she could be so unaware of the lengthy incubation period for COVID-19 and how common asymptomatic transmission is. But I have a relative with cancer and what your family member did is a literal nightmare. I am so sorry you had to report her, but it was the responsible, compassionate thing.

      2. Reba*

        Wow. Stubborn loved ones, yes.

        My sibs and I spent yesterday morning in a coordinated attack on my dad to get him to stay home. One of us sent memes, I attempted to shame and scold, the other played the grandchild card. Results to be seen.

      3. Joie De Vivre*

        My husband has practiced social distancing for the last 2 weeks. Last weekend he was able to run about 10 miles with no problem. He is a runner.

        Yesterday he got very sick & the Dr he saw is trying to get a COVID test for him.

        My husband went from fine to horrible pain in less than 12 hours.

        I’m grateful that he seems to have the intestinal reaction rather than issues with breathing.

        I’m glad you reported your mom. You did the right thing.

    13. Loose Seal*

      I am angry. I have the symptoms of COVID-19 but cannot possibly get tested. I talked to my doctor about it and she said that the only way I could maybe get a test is if I’ve been out of the country, been near a confirmed patient, or am a healthcare worker (or possibly a celebrity, pro athlete, or politician), none of which are true for me. Even then, she said it would be a struggle since she had enormous difficulty trying to arrange for a test for a nurse in their office the previous day. She said to stay home, treat the symptoms with cold medicine and my asthma meds/inhaler/nebulizer and if I get to the point where I have a consistent fever over 101F, so much difficulty breathing that I can’t speak, or pneumonia-like symptoms, I could then go to the hospital. But even then, she said they likely won’t test me to verify COVID-19.

      I’ve never been one to fully believe what politicians say, regardless of their party. But I’m especially angry at this. They said anyone could have a test. Other countries seem to be able to test widely. Are they purposefully not testing so that our numbers stay low and the President can bask in the glow of handling this “beautifully?”

      I’m lying in bed with a 100.5F fever. Nothing tastes right. Nothing smells right. My trachea hurts badly but I’m not really coughing (maybe because of the asthma meds). I can’t sleep much. My husband is stuck in the house with me and he can’t really isolate far enough away from me to be helpful, since we just have a regular-sized house and not a mansion. My state, even though it’s in the top 10 in cases, is only testing 0.1% of the people. The only bright spot today is that I’m having a video therapy session in which I will probably say exactly what I’ve typed here.

      I’ve never wanted a revolution — maybe a coup — more badly than this right now.

      2. nep*

        Wow. So sorry. I can’t fathom what it must feel like to have these symptoms and be told to stay home until you have a dangerously high fever or basically can’t breathe. Absolutely unacceptable. And yet here we are.
        Stress makes everything worse, and here you are having to stress about all this on top of your illness. I hope you’ll find some relief and very soon. Peace

      3. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

        My mother’s tennant works at a law firm as a receptionist, and one of the lawyers returned from a trip to Brazil and went straight to work, no quarantine whatsoever. A week later, mom’s tennant started having symptoms, she freaked out, called the city emergency number… And no one answered. Her mother asked for help in the neighborhood Facebook group, everyone entered panic mode, and my mother was called by a dozen neighbors demanding her to do something. She called the national hotline, waited for several hours and… nothing. The suspected patient had to drag herself to the nearest hospital by bus (cause she has no car, and no one would drive her there) and the hospital refused to test her because she didn’t tick all the symptom boxes. Is she sick and spreading it to the neighborhood? We don’t know. She’s being irresponsible by going out, the neighbours are (logically) running away from her, she’s sending texts full of drama and complaints and my mother asked a lawyer whether she’ll be liable if she’s a spreader.

      4. TR*

        You may not want the expense, but it should be possible for your doctor to send the test to a commercial lab like Quest. They should not have the same restrictions.

        1. Aly_b*

          Some of the commercial labs are apparently less reliable. Not clear if their covid tests are fine and it’s some of their other allergy tests and stuff that are iffy, and I’m not a doctor, but would be worth looking into before investing.

        2. Loose Seal*

          I asked my doctor about that and she said private testing runs around $5000. Apparently, they looked at that when they were trying to get the nurse tested.

      5. Curious, not judging*

        I’m so sorry you’re sick and feeling frustrated. It sounds awful. I absolutely share your frustration and anger at world leaders who are dropping the ball on this public health crisis, and at Trump’s lies and misdirection.

        I’m asking this question in the spirit of curiosity, not to try to imply you should feel differently, so I hope you don’t mind too much: why do you want to be tested? From a public health perspective, of course it’s important to test everyone possible to get an idea of where to deploy our efforts, but since there is no treatment beyond supportive care for COVID-19, what do you hope would be different about your care or your clinical course if you had confirmation that that’s what you have?

        1. Loose Seal*

          There isn’t any reason to be tested other than I want to make sure this is what I have so that after 25-ish days I know that I can go out and not worry about getting it or infecting others (which may become important if my parents or in-laws get it and someone needs to go look after them). And I’m just generally pissed because I was “promised” this test, everyone else (in other countries) seems to be getting it, and, as a lover of data, I think it’s important that somewhere some database records me as having it. (And it pisses me off that athletes, celebrities, etc. can get tested AND get their results back really quickly. I guess this pandemic has made the blinders finally fall all the way off my eyes and I see the difference in the haves and have-nots. And it sucks.)

          So, yes, knowing for certain would not change how it would be treated but it’s still eating me up that I can’t know.

          1. Curious, not judging*

            I sympathize 100%! I work in healthcare and am frustrated pretty much 24/7 at how inadequate testing in my province has been, so I definitely agree that we need to detect as many cases as possible. I don’t know if it makes you feel better or worse to know that inadequate testing is a huge problem in many, many countries outside the US (including mine!). A lot of leaders were caught flat-footed and some are recovering more quickly than others.

            The messaging here has been not to expect tests unless you need a negative test to go back to performing your essential duties (e.g. as a healthcare worker) or you’re ill enough to need hospitalization. We’re testing to support efficient and effective delivery of healthcare, not to track the spread and guide policy, which is very frustrating. So I hear you for sure. One of the hardest things about this, for me, is that there is no “knowing for sure.” Will I get it? If I do, will I develop enough immunity to not get it again? Will I pass it to my family unknowingly? It’s very hard to deal with so many unknowns.

          2. fposte*

            FWIW, there isn’t enough information about immunity right now to know if you’d be able to go out without risk in 25ish days anyway. That’s a big reason why the work on cheap antibody tests is important. (But I’m with you on the data thing. My state’s site on case numbers was out of sync for several days and it frustrated the daylights out of me.)

          3. Old and Don’t Care*

            I’m sorry you‘re going through this. One thing about other countries is that they are all ramping up, and while the U.S. is lagging and needs to do better, the difference is that the “best“ countries are testing ~ 2% of population and the US is well below 1%. So the numbers are important to epidemiologists and such, on an individual level there’s not much difference.

            Everyone is learning more everyday and we can only hope that in three weeks things will be better in some way.

          4. Tea and Sympathy*

            Maybe do some research into whether or not you can get it again. I read that a small but significant number were getting it again. But that was in the early days, so it might have changed by now.

      6. Lady Jay*

        I’m so sorry, I hope you feel better soon.

        I’m in a grad program right now, and while I don’t know what the future holds for me, nothing has made me want to emigrate out of the country more than this. I feel so abandoned by my leadership, at all levels.

      7. Koala dreams*

        From another country, no, we also don’t test widely. The healthcare system don’t have the resources.

        It sucks that you can’t get medical treatment. Ideally everyone with difficulties breathing or other serious symptoms would get help.

        Take care!

      8. Silly Janet*

        That sounds really stressful and uncomfortable. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. The whole “recently been out of the country” part of the criteria is such BS at this point. Obviously it is spreading rampantly throughout communities! They are probably still saying that due to the limited tests.

        1. Loose Seal*

          Yeah, they asked me if I’ve been out of the country in the last *six months*. I didn’t want to be snide to the nurse but even I know the virus wouldn’t lay dormant for five months, three weeks and suddenly pop out now.

          Even with our limited testing, we have 35 people in the county confirmed so that probably means hundreds, if not a thousand unconfirmed. The only time I left self-quarantine in 12 days was to go to the pharmacy to refill my asthma meds. They don’t have a drive-thru so I had to wait inside for about 10 minutes. Most people social distanced themselves well in there but after I paid and turned around to leave, the guy standing behind me was RIGHT behind me, closer than comfortable even in normal times, like he was smelling my hair (ew!). Is it important to find out that my pharmacy is a hotspot? I’d think so but perhaps we are beyond caring about where one picks the virus up.

          1. Anonnn*

            I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have asthma too and am scared. Youfe probably considered this but there any way your pharmacy could deliver your meds? I think mine does and only realized that recently. All the best

          2. Djuna*

            I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it must be scary and frustrating.
            I live in a country where they are testing people, but, and this may help a little with your frustration, they went from testing if returned from a hotspot, to testing anyone who might be symptomatic, to only testing people who had 2 or more confirmed symptoms.

            A colleague of mine has been waiting 6 days for a test. Others who have been tested report results taking a week or more to get to them. Guidance here is whether you’re tested or not, if you have trouble breathing, call the emergency services. As of today, our hospitals are not yet overwhelmed, but that is likely to change too. Even in places where it seems from the outside that we may have our act together, we really don’t.

      9. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

        Wishing you the best and hope you feel better soon. You are one of many people I’m hearing with symptoms and not getting tested. I’m assuming you’re in the US. Yes, our government f***ed up terribly. I mean, I was never crazy about our economic and healthcare system, and I think the flaws are glaring under this crisis.

        1. Loose Seal*

          Yes, in the U.S. I’ve had to just stop listening to the “official” press conferences and read what Dr. Fauci has to say later. Otherwise, the stress may kill me well before any virus could get a chance to.

          1. Windchime*

            Our local public radio station has stopped broadcasting the President’s updates because they are so full of misinformation that they cannot correct them quickly enough.

      10. Elizabeth West*

        (only partially facetious) I will soon resume training for the revolution, i.e. getting more exercise. I shall kick ass on your behalf. *WHAP* *BASH* *KAPOW*

        I hope you feel better soon. Sending healing vibes.
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      11. Auntie Social*

        I feel like this is why the French stormed the Bastille— they’d just had *enough*.

      12. Belgian*

        I’m not in the US. I had symptoms the past week (though thankfully pretty mild), called my doctor and he said to self-quarantine and watch my symptoms. If they got worse, I had to call back. I couldn’t get tested either. There are not nearly enough tests to test everyone with symptoms, so they’re only testing the most severe cases (people who end up in Intensive Care).
        There is talk about testing more widely to see who has built up immunity in the next couple of weeks to see who can go back to work.

      13. Dr. Cox*

        What? They’re not testing because they’re saving the limited number of tests for serious cases, while also making more as fast as they can be churned out. Thinking the President, or any politico of either party, has the power to secretly limit testing without anyone finding out and splashing it on the news is a pants-on-head level conspiracy theory, in line with “the Chinese invented the virus to cripple American manufacturing.”

        1. ...*

          They didn’t proactively start making tests when the outbreak started happening, it is not that they secretly limited the ones they had they just didnt prioritize dealing with this.

          1. Dr. Cox*

            No one expected this level of pandemic in Dec/Jan. They didn’t make a bunch of SARS tests way back when either. This caught everyone, including the health care industry, off guard.

            Last I checked, there is no nationalized healthcare manufacturer; I’m still not clear on what everyone expected the govt. to do in any case. As a matter of fact, we buy a good chunk of our health care supplies from China, which worked out not great this time; Chinese manufacturing shut down right before this thing got here to us.

            1. Ann O.*

              That’s not quite true. It didn’t catch the SARS countries off guard. They’ve generally been able to contain the novel-coronavirus. That suggests this was more about capacity to believe the data’s potential ramifications than about the data to suggest pandemic existing.

              I am unclear why South Korea had the capability to do widespread testing even though their outbreak started earlier than ours, but we don’t. Shouldn’t we have been able to learn from what China and South Korea did to contain their epidemics? We are duplicating very little of the successful policies of South Korea, Taiwan, Singapore, and Hong Kong.

            2. Sam I Am*

              I expected the government to listen to the scientists that are experts in this field, which they have done only with great reluctance.
              All these things that we’re doing now to flatten the curve? They could’ve been started a week or two earlier. Even if tests were ramped up only a week earlier that’s a whole week of manufacturing. We Americans, as a whole, didn’t care when it was in China; we cared once it hit Italy.

      14. MissGirl*

        I was able to get tested yesterday in my state. I just called the corona virus line through my health system and they scheduled it for me. I don’t know how your state is set up.

      15. KR*

        I’m sorry, that is so hard. I understand that there needs to be testing guidelines but it’s absolutely ridiculous they are confining tests to those who have been out of the country recently or have come in contact with a confirmed patient. How can we know we came in contact with a confirmed patient (or someone who has come in contact with one) if they aren’t testing people?! We know it’s spread communally, otherwise we wouldn’t be socially distancing and hand washing. At this point they need to revise the guidelines of who gets a test because it’s obvious it’s spreading to people who haven’t been out of the country recently.

      16. ThursdaysGeek*

        My niece in law ended up taking an ambulance to the hospital because her asthma and covid symptoms together finally took her down. Her mom’s doctor is convinced her mom has covid, so she was exposed.

        By the time she got to the hospital, her oxygen levels were just above the level where they would give her the test, so she doesn’t KNOW either.

        What this means to me is that for every positive they are counting in my area, there are probably many others that are not counted.

        Also, please get better soon – we like you here.

    14. CoffeeforLife*

      Is there a list of bad responders*?

      ●24 Hour Fitness/ Planet Fitness

      Still collecting membership fees and letting people know they’ll just extend their membership. WTF.

      I workout at OTF and they froze all of our accounts two weeks ago – awesome corporate response!

      *I wanted to call it the Wall of Shame…

      1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        New York sports club/Town sports International! I was going to post it here this weekend. NYSC is still collecting fees and have yet to respond to any messages. The CEO sent out a half assed “we’ll deal with it when things are fixed” message. I peeked at their Facebook page, and man everyone is livid at the lack of response. I usually get charged $65 on the 1st of the month but for some reason I got a charge of $50 yesterday – I called my CC Company and they said there’s nothing they can do until the transaction posts. It’s ridiculous how the company is handling this.

      2. Lore*

        My Planet Fitness proactively apologized for March’s bills being issued just before the shutdown, are suspending fees going forward, and promised a month of credit when they reopen to make up for March. I told them I’d be fine to pay them still if it meant the staff got paid and they turned me down.

        1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

          Someone on my social media that I know IRL posted the notice she got from PF on 3/16 (date of NY lockdowns) that they’re going to adjust the fees/credits etc. Last time I was with them my membershpi was the base $10/month. I never liked PF much but once all this is sorted out I could see myself going back to them and not dealing with NYSC’s bullsh*t.

        2. Old and Don’t Care*

          Ditto, except that I was informed by e-mail and haven’t spoken with anyone there.

      3. BRR*

        My gym also went radio silent. No word on membership fees, nobody is getting email responses, and I even tried to send a fb message. I’m going to look at my agreement to see what it says if the gym is closed and might look into what options are available through the state to file a complaint. Other suggestions are welcome. I think their position was “it was the governor who closed us” but frankly I don’t care.

        Oh and they had a confirmed case workout there at some point and no word went out about that.

      4. Alex*

        I posted just below about my gym. I think it is a little different because it isn’t a big chain like Planet Fitness, and would probably fail in a couple of months if they didn’t collect money for no services…but still feeling a bit irritated. But they’re still collecting fees as usual and also sending numerous emails asking for more money.

        1. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

          The rowing club I’ve been going too since I was a baby is constantly under financial struggles. All the rowing clubs in my area are small institutions and this could be the end for many of them, even for the most prestigious ones. Thankfully the swimming pool season was already over, so we didn’t have to pay those extras until December.

      5. Disco Janet*

        My dad is a Walgreens manager. Want to hear their plan when an employee tests positive? They fumigate the store…then send all the employees back to work. KNOWING they have been in close contact with the contagious coworker. No exceptions for employees who are older or at higher risk. Even when they have two stores spaced a mile and a half apart and could easily close one.

        1. Disco Janet*

          (And also, lets remember not to take our anger about this stuff out on the store-level employees. These orders are coming from much higher up and aren’t optional.)

        2. Elizabeth West*

          Ugh. I quit going there after they backed up the pharmacist who refused a prescription to a woman having a miscarriage because religion. Cut up my store card and tweeted a picture of the pieces.

          I’m gonna save so much money avoiding shitty companies after this, I swear.

          1. Windchime*

            Yeah I don’t go to Walgreen’s unless I have no choice at all. We have a local family chain of pharmacies here and that’s where I go.

            1. Elizabeth West*

              I have to go to Walmart currently, which is bad for other reasons; I can get my prescription there for $4. The only other alternative is CVS (ugh).

      6. AngelicGamer, the Visually Impaired Peep*

        I’ve got friends who work at Panera. Due to the company’s response to them and the fact that I keep on getting emails to order and free delivery, I am never ever going to one again unless I’m visiting those friends who work there.

        Also, Hobby Lobby won’t pay sick leave for their employees who get sick from COVID-19.

        1. Disco Janet*

          Yep. The founder’s wife received a message from
          god that they should stay open, but apparently he said nothing about sick pay or health insurance, neither which they offer to hourly employees. Obviously they’re problematic in other ways too.

      7. LJay*

        Six Flags

        They’ve been pushing “memberships” vs “season passes” heavily in the last few years. So you pay a low fee every month (around $10 generally, more or less depending on options you have) rather than $120 once.

        All of their parks are closed due to quarantines, obviously.

        The response has been, basically, that people pay the full year even though most parks are not open year round anyway. So even though the parks being closed for at least an extra month is losing out on expected value, they’re not going to do anything.

        If you brought the pass during the last 12 months you’re still stuck paying monthly for the pass and cannot cancel without paying the regular cancellation fee.

        You can pause your membership (for up to 90 days I think). But that just delays the payments, doesn’t stop them from accruing. So after the 90 days the membership costs from the previous 3 months are due immediately.

        They should not be charging fees for these months that the parks are not open. I could understand keeping the 12 month membership requirement, but for March/April and however long they are not open they should basically put the memberships on hold and tack the additional months onto the end.

        It also looks like – though I don’t have confirmation on it – that they are making it more difficult to cancel by requiring that you get a confirmation code from your local park, which is a step you didn’t have to do previously to cancel.

      8. Tau*

        My gym has also been extending fees, but they organised a free subscription to an online fitness video service and promised a choice of make-up options (free time at the end of your subscription, gym usage for a friend or family member, or something else) once this is over. Honestly, I’m not too fussed about still paying – they are still trying, and I don’t want them to go out of business for something that’s absolutely not their fault.

      9. That Girl from Quinn's House*

        This is a super-minor pet peeve of mine, but my apartment complex closed all of the shared amenities (the gym, the pool, etc.) and won’t be handling maintenance work orders until this is over (serious ones only, like leaks and floods.) Which I 100% agree with, as I stopped using them a week before property management closed them. But of course, do we see a reduction in rent? No.

        They also said they will not be disinfecting the mailroom (that hundreds of apartments plus every delivery person for hundreds of apartments) use and I’m irritated.

    15. Anono-me*

      I have found that focusing on other people helps me keep my stress levels lower.

      I intend to spend Sunday morning making homemade face masks. I hope others will too. I am also going to do a major clean out. The shelves at our church free store are bare. Food, warm clothes, books, tarps, personal and home cleaning products, card games, kids toys, and pet food are all needed.

      There is still a big need for ‘better than nothing face masks’, even though many of the medical professionals at hospitals, clinics etc need real PPE and don’t want the homemade face masks.

      Many veterinary professionals gave up their N95 masks and other high quality PPE equipment to the hospital employees. Veterinary services are reduced, but not stopped. The clinic staff still has to interact, sometimes closely, and there can be airborne crop that while not life threatening to humans is still gross.

      Many people without housing are overcrowding the available shelters that already were without enough resources. (Couch surfing has disappeared. Teens and young adults, especially ones who are LGBTQ__ are having difficulty staying inside homes 24/7 where there is hostility and additional stress.)

      Many people without housing are avoiding the overcrowded shelters, due to C19 and other safety concerns. Warm clothes, tarps and duct tape are especially welcome.

      Many people working at the grocery store and delivery/take out don’t have the time and and/or resources (sewing machine and fabric stashes) to make their own masks.

      1. WellRed*

        Maybe it’s a positive sign that when I read homemade masks, I was thinking you meant beauty products.

      2. Nervous Nellie*

        Hi Anono-me!

        I am sewing masks this weekend too! While our local emergency rooms are not yet accepting the good-enough-homemade versions, several local retirement/assisted living facilities are eager for them. And yes, as you say – veterinarians need them too. I love your other comments – maybe I can bring a few to give to the supermarket staff!

        I am going to use the pattern from A Crafty Fox blog site by Amanda the quilter. She goes into a great summary of the germ-blocking value of some layered fabrics, but really at this point, we must all use what we have. I am out of work, so I will raid my stash for heavy quilt back fabric for the outside and will layer the inside with J-Cloths which I bought in Canada. They are a heavy non-woven reusable, washable hand cloth that Canadians use instead of paper towels. They last forever. Her great tip is also to use pipe cleaners for the metal nose pinch piece.

        Sewing always cheers me up. I hope it reduces your stress, Anono-me. Will think good cheery sewing thoughts for you!

        1. Tough times*

          Maybe check with the organization where you plan to donate the masks to see if they have a preferred pattern? There’s a lot of debate over which patterns are most preferred, and each organization may have a different one. Homemade PPE, even when used only as a last resort like the CDC recommends, is not risk-free, since masks can be a source of transmission themselves. If an organization has decided to assume that risk, they have probably done some research about what approach is the least risky and may have a pattern they want you to use.

          The blog you mentioned cites a single study that’s over 100 years old and that uses a bacterium (larger than a coronavirus) as the microorganism being tested. More recent research (Davies et al 2013, DOI: 10.1017/dmp.2013.43; MacIntyre et al 2015, DOI 10.1136/bmjopen-2014-006577) doesn’t show anywhere near the levels of protection this blogger cites. It might be a great pattern! But I don’t think there’s as much evidence to support that idea as the blogger is suggesting.

          1. Nervous Nellie*

            Very good points -thanks! And yeah, I don’t think any of us are truly convinced that homemades are complete germ-blockers, and my sense is that the author chose the article she did as an optimistic gesture at best. And yes – the mask can be a transmitter itself. The CDC site reminds us to be careful not to touch the outside of a used mask when removing it to dispose of it or to clean it.

            We will all do the best we can, I am sure, and hope for the best as well.

      3. Nita*

        How does the thing with masks work? I mean, how do you get them to people who need them? I assume people don’t randomly show up at hospital front desks with boxes of masks. Is someone organizing this? I’m in NYC and want to pitch in.

        1. Nervous Nellie*

          Hiya Nita!
          You could call The New York Sewing Center (great website) to ask them how to participate. I bet they will have some good ideas.

          Last week I donated some lightweight masks that I found in my earthquake kit. I looked online to see who needed them (a nearby retirement home), boxed them up, and then followed the instructions to prepay and print a shipping label at FedEx dot com. I arranged a one-time pickup and left the box outside my door. The driver even did a little dance for me that I could see through my peephole.

          So that’s an option. Hope that helps!

          1. Nervous Nellie*

            Nita, I just looked – if you scroll through the Sewing Center’s mask pattern, you will see a list of NY hospitals, etc and contact names at each one.

            1. Nervous Nellie*

              Oh, it was such a hoot! I shouted a thank you through my door and he looked up, grinned and started boogeying. When all this is over, he’s getting a fist bump!

        2. Anono-me*

          I am going to share directly with people that I know are needful. (I am not fast at sewing. )

      4. Llellayena*

        I just picked up interfacing and am switching from making the Deaconess style masks to the shaped ones that are now being requested around here. Trying to figure out ways to conserve elastic since everywhere that’s still open seems to be out of the sizes that work.

        1. Llellayena*

          If anyone who is making or using masks can weigh in on this: how do you think a short loop of elastic (maybe 3/4 in) connecting to a cloth behind the ear loop will work as compared to the full length being elastic?

      5. Parenthetically*

        Nursing homes, police/fire personnel, grocery store workers, delivery drivers, social workers, homeless shelters, etc. are all accepting homemade PPE around here! The more homemade PPE folks like that can get, the more pro stuff is freed up to give to hospitals.

      6. My Brain Is Exploding*

        In some areas homemade face masks (specific size and construction) are worn over the N95 masks, to allow the N95s to be worn multiple times.

        1. Nervous Nellie*

          And super brave mail carriers. Mine gave me the Vulcan greeting and a smile today from a safe distance. Love that guy!

        2. Amity*

          Don’t forget the home improvement store associates, hardware store associates, and construction workers!

      2. Anono-me*

        Thank you to everyone Nep mentioned above.

        Thank you to everyone at the electronic stores

        Thank you to everyone in the medical medical supply/PPE pipeline (stores and manufacturers etc.).

        Thank you to everyone working in sanitation.

    17. Ms Mash*

      I don’t understand how people trust eating takeout, fastfood or home delivery. Too many unknowns with regards to food handling and safety; asymptomatic infected workers can spread the virus onto food and packaging.

      I would love to go out and support my local eateries, but I’m very risk adverse because I’ve worked in biodefense companies for many years (several that have been in the news) and know the sneaky ways viruses can trasmit.

      1. Agnodike*

        Do your favourite places sell gift certificates? You could pre-buy a few meals now, to be enjoyed when/if the world returns to normal, and support your community restaurants that way!

      3. nep*

        In ‘normal’ times, I stopped eating in or from restaurants aaaaages ago. Can’t stand the thought of it. (Granted there’s no 100 percent food safety anywhere, but restaurants are completely out for me, new coronavirus or not.)

      4. KoiFeeder*

        Oh, I absolutely don’t trust it, but what can I do? Some days I’m simply not functional enough to cook, and all of the “just eat it out of the can” foods got panic-bought up.

        I mean, I could just eat shredded cheese out of the bag with a spoon, but that’s… kind of depressing.

        1. Anono-me*

          Take a soft tortilla, put shredded cheese on half of it, (add deli meat, imitation crab*, pepers, mushrooms and/or onion if so inclined). Fold tortilla over. Microwave for 20-90 seconds depending on the microwave and amount of fillings added.
          Congratulations, you have now “cooked”.

          *Please be aware that imitation crab has a strong scent when microwaved.

            1. nonegiven*

              Someone on Facebook posted a picture of handmade tortillas so if you have flour, google for a recipe.

      5. fposte*

        Never say never, but so far cooked food isn’t considered to be a method of transmission. It’s a pretty heat-sensitive virus when it comes to food-cooking levels. Remove packaging, decant contents into home container without touching, wash hands. It’s not much different than grocery goods in that respect, and it’s probably been better handled than those.

        I think uncertain food is a common area of anxiety for humans (and other mammals, for that matter) so I absolutely understand making the choice not to order restaurant food right now. But I think that’s more a personal take than an epidemiological necessity.

        1. Nicole76*

          But what about stuff like burgers? I had a craving, and there was a deal at a nearby restaurant, but then I thought about the buns that aren’t cooked, and got too worried.

        2. Ms Mash*

          I only would do this with pizza since it is not touched after cooking.
          Otherwise, roll the dice that the food handler is not sick or actively coughing on your to go order.

        3. ThatGirl*

          The virus is inhaled, if there happened to be particles on food you ate your digestive system would just destroy it. Everyone is allowed their own risk tolerance of course, but I agree that it’s not unlike grocery store items. Just toss the containers and wash your hands.

      6. Natalie*

        This isn’t a food borne illness, and despite what someone wearing scrubs might say on YouTube, there’s no particular reason to be afraid of packaging and surfaces. This disease is spread by close personal contact.

      7. All Hail Queen Sally*

        Just yesterday, I saw a commercial on TV from a pizza place (can’t remember if it was local or a national chain) that announced “once your pizza comes out of the 400 degree oven, it is not touched by human hands” as it showed a pizza on a wooden paddle being placed in a box and the box closed and sealed with a sticker. So perhaps I could eat a pizza. Otherwise, nope.

      8. Amy*

        I was feeling like this too, but after reading articles from major news outlets and the CDC on the appropriate precautions I’ve softened my stance a bit – with safeguards. We are getting all groceries and food dropped off outside our door. For groceries we are sanitizing all of the packaging before putting it away, and throwing out the bags. For take-out we dump the food out of its container directly onto a plate, then put it in the oven at 250 for 20 minutes, which should be enough to kill the virus based on what we’ve read (actually, we read that 150 for 15 minutes is sufficient). We’re not doing any salads or other food that can’t be heated in this way. Some local restaurants are offering frozen meals, which is even better. And, of course, the containers are trashed and hands washed immediately. And sanitizing any doorknobs we touched when bringing in the food.

        We’re not ordering out a ton because every instance is a “risk event” but with these precautions I’m feeling ok about it. And it’s awesome to be able to support our local eateries, all of which are now take-out or delivery only.

    18. Misty*

      I miss people in person. All the phone calls and skype calls aren’t making a dent in the loneliness for me anymore. Yesterday I skyped my friend for two hours, exchanged emails with a handful of people, talked to my aunt on the phone for an hour, talked to my therapist on the phone for an hour, and talked to my best friend on the phone for a half hour. And I just really miss seeing people in person. (Obviously I will not go see anyone in person until this is over and I know it’s a little thing to complain about considering how much is going on but I’m just extremely lonely.)

      1. Junior Dev*

        Me too, Misty. It’s not a small thing. It’s less urgent and life-threatening than most of the other impacts of this pandemic, but compared to how things were normally a month ago, the loneliness is huge. I can’t stop thinking about how I want to hug my friends who are currently staying entirely at home because members of their household are immune compromised. I know what they are going through now is worse and they have very good reasons why they need to do that. But it still hurts to miss them like this.

    19. Loopy*

      Our state’s unemployment system is buggy and so many people aren’t able to file. My spouse has been trying day and night, the phone lines kick you off, the system can’t verify SS#s and wont let you complete the application, and every time I hear of the extra 600 dollars and time extensions I get frustrated because we can’t get to the aid at all. He’s been trying the system AND phone for DAYS and his coworkers report the same thing.

      I just need to vent. I saw the post from the unemployment worker this week and I’m not mad at them at all, I’m just having a hard time watching this go on and on and it’s really making quarantine harder. A lot harder. Every day I pray just to get the application through (he’s setting alarms to try at off times, and is willing to get up at 1 AM and 3 AM to try).

      Admittedly it’s also a little hard to watch people enjoying hobbies and seeming really happy when I just can’t bring myself to do the (indoor) things I love. I absolutely don’t begrudge anyone who is able to make this healthy and happy time and use hobbies and coping mechanisms. It’s just so hard when I can’t seem to get in that mindset.

      1. Junior Dev*

        If the application won’t work at all this might be worth calling your senators’ or representative’s office over. If the computer system is broken or won’t accept some aspect of your application for validation reasons (even if those reasons are bad) then that’s how the software works and no amount of resubmission will fix it. Senators’ offices usually have people whose job it is to help constituents fix random bureaucratic stuff, and it might be the case that he won’t be able to file until an actual human steps in to help.

        1. Loopy*

          That’s a good suggestion but there is already am entire page up on the website acknowledging the issues and stating they are working to fix it, so they are being very open and aware about the problem. I’m just frustrated because it’s been five whole days.

    20. Cartographical*

      How are y’all couples (& thruples & more) doing with WFH/locked down & being with your spouse 24/7? Any survival tips? We’re doing the math on renovating the garage to make a second office & I’m considering literally camping in the back yard on nice days. (All while being intensely grateful that we’re well so far as we’re older men.)

      I’ve been WFH for a while now and I’m used to my own time. My spouse’s employer is keeping all non-critical employees out of the office for three or more months — with some projections being that his department could largely WFH until retirement — so we have a ways to go. It’s harder for both of us to WFH than I thought it would be — like a sleepover that doesn’t end; eventually you just want to get back to normal.

      We like each other a lot and we’ve made it 30 years so far but this is going to be a test.

      1. The Gollux, Not a Mere Device*

        We’re coping so far, but I really hope my spouse goes ahead and takes that long walk this afternoon, because I’m missing having some time really alone. (Not just sitting here in the study while he reads on the couch.)

        At the same time, I am missing my girlfriend, who doesn’t live with us. She’s getting over (probably) flu, or maybe a mild COVID-19, so of course I’m not seeing her now. But when she’s well again, I probably still won’t get to see her, because neither of us has a car, and taking two buses to see someone has gone from “yeah, it’ll take a while” to “the governor and MBTA are saying please don’t.” We’ve thought for ages that the ideal situation would be to live a short walk from each other, maybe even apartments in the same building, and this has really underscored that.

        1. The Gollux, Not a Mere Device*

          P.S. If she was down the street, we could treat this as if we were a household of three adults, and take the same precautions about grocery shopping, touching things, etc. that we’re doing now as two separate households. The problem is the bus trip (it’s a bit over 3 miles on foot, each way).

        2. Cartographical*

          Ugh, I feel this so hard. This is one of the bumpy things about multi-partner relationships and about this slow-roll response to the virus. I found it was really hard to prepare for things like this, being apart. Not quite the same, but we didn’t have time to move the kids back up with us. They were planning to move back to our town from the Big City after their vacation, now cancelled, but we didn’t have enough time between “this is bad” and “everything is closed down” to get them a place to live (and we’re not set up to take them, if they could stand living with us in the first place).

          I hope your GF recovers quickly so you can move on to making some longer-term plans, since this is going to be a Thing for some time by the look of it.

      2. Loopy*

        This has been weird for us! My husband works a lot by choice and has a wonky schedule (it varies AND it’s almost never 9-5, whereas I’m M-F 8-4). It’s always been that way and our normal is having a lot of time apart. It hasn’t been bad being together this much but I am surprised that it’s not like I’m dancing around in glee over all the time together either! What we had really truly worked for us- and it’s been an interesting confirmation. Though I am glad we’re doing well in the opposite situation too.

        We also shockingly have no felt inclined to do a single project around the house, feel a bit guilty about that.

        1. Cartographical*

          If I didn’t have projects already underway, I wouldn’t be that inspired, but this caught us in the middle of redoing All The Things. *sob* I’ve got to go start planting because one of the things that isn’t going to happen is having a professional come put in our vegetable garden (for financial reasons). Anything in the house is going to have to be DIY but at least we’ll get the deck done. I think it’s 100% reasonable not to be jumping into projects right now when we don’t have any idea what’s going to happen.

          My spouse was WFH one day a week, previously, and let me tell you — one day was working for me for the most part. But, on the upside, a lot of things I couldn’t do while alone in the house, given my health issues, I can do now. So everyone else in my social circle is talking about having nothing to do while the other day I covered 42 floors of stairs while working on the house for about eight hours. Phew. It’s kind of nice to know someone is around to call 911 if my body decides to try to knock me off in a fit of pique. :D

          1. Loopy*

            Thanks, that does make me feel a little better about the fact we are mostly consuming massive amounts of Netflix :O I mean, We haven’t even cooked a really nice (nice effort-wise, not expensive) meal or anything >.<

      3. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        I think it’s been good for us so far. My husband and I have separate rooms to hang out in throughout the day and aside from occasional 5 minutes of seeing each other, we aren’t in each other’s face and getting snippy.

        He was WFH for 8-9 years now, and I was just made to WFH last week, so he wasn’t used to seeing me around the house during the day so it was a slight adjustment for both of us.

        His lifestyle hasn’t changed as much, except he’s the one doing the groceries now, whereas I was always doing them before. I am the more outgoing type and thankfully he understands that the physical isolation is taking a physical and mental toll on me.

        1. Cartographical*

          My spouse is pure extrovert AND has no inner voice — literally, he can’t hear himself in his own head so he has to say things out loud to work through them. Knowing it’s necessary does make it easier but I am an introvert with super-sharp hearing and the struggle is real when he’s composing emails. Keeping myself busy is making it easier and I might actually get most of my projects done this year.

          I hope you find a way of socializing in the meantime. While I need 8+ hours alone daily, outside of sleeping, I know it’s really hard on my spouse. He’s experimenting with online board games and video streaming to try to get his face-time fix from other people. My face is going to be in the garage or the basement, though. :D

      4. Panthera uncia*

        It was already hard living with someone with severe ADHD, but this has really tested our limits. He needs constant noise and mayhem, I need peace and quiet. He needs to get out of the house and roam and be a social butterfly, but he can’t have the social interaction he desperately needs and it’s all falling on me, the Queen of Hermits.

        Weirdest bad timing ever: normally I can drown out his constant babbling with ear plugs (not that I’m ignoring a conversation, just that he constantly flaps his gums at every moment, keeping up a stream-of-consciousness monologue whether someone’s around or not) so I can read or sleep. And now I can’t, because I just got my tragus pierced a few weeks ago, and I can’t insert an earplug on that side. I thought about taking it out, but I don’t have the right tools, and I’m afraid to make it angry and cause an infection when medical care is so stretched to its limits now.

        1. Cartographical*

          I don’t know if it’s at all helpful but noise-cancelling headphones (for him) can sometimes create a “stimulus zone” if he hooks in to live streaming of video games — as an observer or participant — because it’s loud, lots of voices going, tons happening on the screen, and so on. There’s all kinds of RPGs and board games happening online as well. With headphones/mic/camera he can be up and hopping around and playing and socializing all at once.

          Failing that, you could wear them. I nearly cried in the store when I put on first pair of Bose active noise-cancelling headphones, the relief from the sound was so great.

          As for the tragus — I have actually been there! If you take a sharp blade and a foam earplug, you can split it halfway through lengthwise, sterilize it with some alcohol if the piercing hasn’t healed enough to rotate the jewelry, squeeze it out, and then you can usually open it up enough to get it past the CBR (I’m assuming that’s what they used and it IS a ****er to get out of there). The foam should reshape around the CBR and give you some relief. I used to use foam plugs under headphones for some peace and quiet.

          If it’s been a couple weeks, you should be on the home stretch when it comes to healing enough to change out. When you think it’s healed enough to change to a stud (I used the one from my first lip piercing bc it was long enough to give a little extra room), a pair of needlenose jewellery pliers are all you need to open the ring by sliding the tips inside and opening the pliers just a little. Your partner will come in handy for that part but I did it on my own over a sink with the plug in so that the ball popped out and rolled into the basin. If you don’t have fine pliers, it’s trickier but there’s a few suggestions online for getting the bead out.

          You have 100% of my sympathy, my husband and our kid are both “internal voice on the outside” people and I have misophonia as well as synaesthesia that translates sounds into physical sensations like being zapped or punched. Godspeed.

          1. Panthera uncia*

            Thank you for the tips!

            Can I pick your brain a bit more about the tragus? Mine isn’t a CBR, it’s a curved barbell. I’m not actually sure if it’s internally threaded or press-fit. I think it’s also too long, now that the swelling is down; it’s constantly moving back and forth. Despite following aftercare tips, I can’t seem to get rid of my irritation bump. I’m hoping if I can order a flat-back labret and get it shipped to me, changing to that would help. Thoughts?

            1. Cartographical*

              Yes, the flat-backed labret SHOULD help. Apologies in advance if some of this advice is familiar, it’s just all part of the package. :D

              The irritation bump can be caused by the curved bar and the uneven pressure it creates (btw, I have needed to use pliers to loosen the end of a barbell before but only once). Positioned correctly, a flat-backed labret piece will actually work well with earplugs, as the foam will hold the jewelry still. Get a piece that is the same gauge as your present barbell and, if you think you could get a larger one in there, you could consider getting one size up as well to try but, if in doubt, stick with your current gauge. My experience (and my kid’s) has been that narrower jewelry puts more pressure in one place while the largest comfortable gauge will distribute pressure more evenly across the tissue. The less pressure and irritation you have, the less of a bump you’ll have and it should get absorbed back into your body within a month. .

              If you can, I would also get some Polysporin ointment or an equivalent — the kind that has antibiotic and pain relief in one. I use Polysporin Triple Heal-Fast. You can use it if the new skin has grown in and it sounds like it has (I have used it before this stage, when I’ve had some inflammation and discharge — usually you don’t want to trap anything under a layer of moisturizer and you don’t want to soften the scab too early but infection is worse). It’s good for when you’re putting in a new piece of jewelry, as a lubricant, and you can apply it during the day before turning the jewelry, which is good to do a couple times a day. This should reduce irritation, accelerate healing, and relieve discomfort.

              Warm salt water compresses (not much salt is needed, it should be about the same salinity as tears and barely warmer than your skin, as salt and heat can both impede new tissue growth) improve blood flow to the area, which speeds healing, kills bacteria, and softens any dried material on the jewelry. Apply it with cotton balls, some tissue or paper towel, or even the corner of a clean cloth. Never dip a used applicator back in the water, toss it and get a fresh one or use a different corner of the cloth.

              That crust that can cling to jewelry can put minute (or even larger) tears in the new skin so you want to keep it to a minimum and never move the jewelry if it has that crust or gets stuck in any way — you will want to use, at the least, some warm water to loosen it first.

              Hopefully all that will reduce pressure and any lingering infection and prevent reinfection. The tragus is definitely a pain because it’s mostly cartilage there that doesn’t have the same blood supply as soft tissue so it is harder for it to heal itself and it’s more prone to irritation as the cartilage doesn’t yield to pressure. I had a bump for a while with my tragus but once it cleared up, it never returned. I hope you get the same results!

      5. Amy*

        My husband and I are actually doing really well. We’re normally incredibly busy with long commutes so we don’t get to see each other much. It’s nice to have more time together since we’re both working from home and work is slower than usual. We’re also caring for his mom, who is sheltering in place with us, and our three-year-old, who is out of daycare for the forseeable future, so it’s all hands on deck. Needing to mobilize to get shit done is something we do pretty well when we need to. And luckily our house has enough separate areas that we’re not in each other’s space all the time.

        However, it is making it glaringly obvious how much more of the housework I do, which is making me a bit resentful. It makes me ragey every time I see a plate thrown into the sink instead of two additional seconds being taken to rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. So that’s not great.

        1. Cartographical*

          Oooh, that’s hard. I hope your husband can see it as well & make some changes. It sounds like habit as much as anything else. I do not think I would survive any of our parents living with us, though. I kind of wish our kid was three instead of twenty-six so she’d be at home. Three is right in my favourite age range for kids, too. I love that stage. I hope you get to enjoy it while things are on fire in the rest of the world.

        1. Cartographical*

          This is a total mood right here. I laughed out loud when I read this because I feel you. On the up side, fishing means free protein if he catches anything? :D

      7. Generic Name*

        I almost feel bad to admit this, but fiancé and I are doing great. I’m sure it really helps that he’s still going to work at his essential job, or maybe it’s because we’ve only lived together for about a year now, but we’re still enjoying our time together. It also helps that we have several house projects going on right now, so he’s not bored on the days he’s not working. Even in non-corona times, we usually are in the same room of the house by choice.

        1. Cartographical*

          I am definitely adding quarantine to my list of “situations you need to be able to weather to make for a long marriage”, right next to road trips. It’s been thirty years and yet we still have to stick to the rule that only one of us can pack the car, the other one has to carry things and keep his mouth shut. :D

          I expect some of the ease may be him going to his job on schedule but the rest is really, in my experience, on whether your stress-modes conflict or not. We are not often in the same room after all these years but 90% of that is because we have two XBoxes and we’re both avid gamers. Having projects to keep us busy is super important — I deal with stress by Doing Things and he’s prone to zoning out with a game but has adapted to put the controller down to help out as long as I give him explicit instructions. He doesn’t have to think and things get done, so it works out.

          I hope your partner stays well while working — I’m grateful to everyone who is going to their essential jobs to keep things going.

    21. Alex*

      So, for coronavirus reasons, my gym is closed. This is a specialty gym with a fairly high monthly membership price ($150). They don’t offer anything but a monthly membership–no single classes, etc. If you go to that gym, you have to be a member and pay monthly. If you want to cancel your membership, you have to give 30 days notice. So cancelling for April needed to happen March 1.

      They charge on the first of the month. About ten days into March, they closed. They did not offer any refunds. Ok, I get it–I believe in people getting paid during this time. I will also be charged April 1, even though it is looking unlikely that they will be able to be open any days in April. Fine, OK. If they didn’t charge, they would have no income and their business would probably fail.

      What is really irritating me though is that they keep emailing me, thanking me for paying for nothing, but also begging for more money. They claim that they are in dire straights now with no business and that I should buy T shirts and hats and sign up for their (extra fee) online classes. They bemoan not being able to do the improvements that they planned because their business is hurting so much, but that we’ll make it through together because we’re faaaaammmily. They made it clear they plan to charge everyone for April.

      I’m failing to see why their business is in such dire straights when they are collecting the full membership fees. Sure, they aren’t acquiring new members, but this is the kind of place where everyone knows each other, not a place where new people are joining every day. Their online classes were not set up for coronavirus purposes–this was something that they already had going, so they didn’t have to spend money outside of their own business plan to set that up. This just really rubs me the wrong way–not only taking my money with no intention of providing services, but asking me for more? Am I being a jerk or is this unreasonable? Their thank-you emails are making me want to cancel my membership!

      1. Misty*

        They should be giving members the online classes for free if you can’t use the gym yet you are still paying and they offer online classes. Just my opinion though.

        1. Alex*

          Yeah, if I were interested in the online classes (they are not the kind of stuff I like to do) I would be annoyed at having to pay more. But the classes aren’t in the kind of stuff that I use the gym for.

          I guess I’m just more annoyed that they feel it is appropriate to both take my money for no services AND complain to me about their business woes and expect me to help more. $150 of free money wasn’t enough for them (and it will probably end up more like $300 because I don’t think we’re going to be in a place to open any time soon).

      2. Nessun*

        My gym offered those of us who could the option to keep paying and be credited 150% when they reopen, so we benefit later and they have less cash flow issues. But they did also have an option to suspend payment for those not working. Best of all’ they’ve offered an option to not take the “extra” credit, but to donate it to be used for their staff who are in financial difficulties. I love my trainer and this is her only income, so I’m glad it’s an option but also that it IS an option not a requirement. This is how they keep my business.

    22. anxiety proxy*

      My mother tends to skew towards anxiety but she also tends to displace it on me so now she’s texting and calling saying things like “the news where you live is terrible, are you ok?” I am in an area that is seeing a terrible spike in cases and deaths, but I am doing what I can, isolating (day 15 for me), washing my hands, etc. But like most people I know, I too have anxiety about the situation, and her anxiety is feeding into my anxiety, and that is not good. Or I have to be super calm and then feel resentful that she can’t focus on me for a minute, that I can’t tell her how I really feel, it’s all about making her feel better. They have cases where she is (and I’m sure that number will grow because they are being lax), so she expresses that she’s perfectly fine but I am in terrible danger, which is not my read at all. Any suggestions on keeping things separate?

      1. Koala dreams*

        Tell here that all the talk about the virus makes you anxious, and ask her to talk about other things, like hobbies or TV series. Or try to steer conversation towards other topics, and cut them short if she insists on only talking about the crisis.

        You can keep in touch by sending photos or pictures, or sending postcards. Sometimes a picture means more than a conversation, especially if said conversation is getting stuck in a loop.

      2. Anono-me*

        Can you ask her for help in staying positive and not thinking about covid 19 all the time? She wants to take care of her child(aka you a grown adult ). So it might be easier to redirect that effort than to block it.

        It might help her stay off of Covid 19 worries, if you can give her topics to talk about. Can you read books together then do a phone book club of two? Someone had something about watching streaming TV together but apart. (I think it was E. West.) Can she tell you stories about her childhood/parents/grandparents?

    23. Empath*

      My mental health is taking a big hit lately and I’m not sure what to do. I WFH, live alone, no parents or family in the province, no spouse/kids/pets. Just me. I’m an introvert and I don’t mind spending most of every day alone, but something is really wearing me down. I hear from coworkers and family on Skype every few days, and I’m limiting all news/social media content. Yesterday was really bad, I got furious with a (rather callous) acquaintance amd had to shut off my IM systems so I didn’t scream. The day before I had a crying jag over what’s going to happen to the astronauts at the ISS (and I don’t even know where that came from). I can’t think about the environment and how it’s healing, because I worry we’ll go right back. My prayers every night are a litany of people who should be blessed and people who are suffering until I lose the plot… I don’t know how much more of this I can take. All the things I’d do to help myself seem to be missing- except food, which is problematic.

      I guess I’m not looking for anything. This rollercoaster isn’t going to go away, and all the well wishes in the world seem.flat right now. Hopefully this too shall pass.

      1. Misty*

        I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. I am having a similar experience regarding the current situation. I am hoping it will also pass soon. Everyday is very long to me which is making everything feel bad.

      2. UtOh!*

        Have you been able to get out of your home for a bit, to get some sun or even just some fresh air? Where I am the weather has started to turn and we can finally see some flowers. I too am very much an introvert, but need the fresh air and nature to keep me balanced. Getting out of your head for a while is also very soothing, so try to take a walk every day.

        1. Empath*

          I’m hoping to get outside, but Mother Nature is being giant B!tch right now (on many levels). Hopefully the weather clears and I can get out. This past week it’s been so cold that it’s impossible to take for more than 15-20 minutes of aimless walking, as there’s nowhere open to duck into for warming up.

    24. fposte*

      It’s weird for me to see how differently friends are reacting. These are people who I see eye to eye with on most things, but one just got a ban on a local FB group for being unable to let go of her hyperalarmism, and others are dipping into the nonessential business and traveling. I’m not sure how that’s going to play out long-term if it keeps going.

      1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        I guess I’m ignorant about it but I didn’t know people are still able to travel for leisure and have non-essential businesses still open. I’m in NY and here schools are closed, businesses are ordered to have ppl WFH and only food places are open for delivery/takeout (as well as medical and food). I think NJ also has a curfew in place but I’m not sure, so I was under the impression most states have followed.

        Times like this you see how people can act…. my friends are all compliant with lockdown, but some of them are too “oh think positive! I’m loving this!” but I know it’s their way of coping so I dont’ snipe at them.

        1. Lady Jay*

          So much of travel for leisure / have nonessential businesses open depends on where you are in the country. I’m in a state that is NOT taking this very seriously at all, and while many nonessential businesses are closed, parks are still open, there’s no curfew, and all our various state officials will do is jump on social media and gently encourage people to stay at home – no actual laws. Our local government is doing a little better, but it’s still insufficient.

        2. fposte*

          It varies from place to place. In my state people aren’t *supposed* to be doing it, hence my irritation, but you absolutely can do nonessential business at a place that’s open for essential business–the home improvement store doesn’t police whether you’re there to cover up a broken window or wander through balsawood for crafting.

          1. tangerineRose*

            Some places that seem nonessential are advertising a take-out business – order on the internet, go to best buy and pick something up outside the store. I’m not sure exactly how they make sure the right person gets the stuff they ordered without being kind of near each other though.

          2. Renata Ricotta*

            I have a friend who works at a grocery store and says he sees the same customers come in every single day for small bits of things rather than getting enough for a full week or two and then hunkering down. Likewise nobody is policing whether you’re getting essential food, or just there because romano would be better than parmesan in whatever you’re cooking tonight.

            Just because grocery stores are essential does not mean that every little trip one might take to the grocery store in normal times is an essential one. Which I keep reminding myself because I’ve got plenty of food but no wine. :( I’ll live.

      2. Ms Mash*

        I wouldn’t be in contact with my friends if I knew they are out rubbing elbows at the local hardwear store.
        They would need to be in isolation for three weeks before they could come by my house to say hello.

      3. ONFM*

        One of my neighbors had a full meltdown on social media, ranting about government conspiracies and communism. I reached out to her out of concern, and she seemed calmer and apologetic. Then two days later she started posting antisemitic versions of the earlier stuff. I don’t see how that relationship survives this. We’d like to think bad times can bring out the best in people…but I’m not sure that’s true.

    25. Lady Jay*

      Okay, so Station Eleven – I’ve actually been wanting to. re-read it, because while the illness itself is devastating (the plane which remains on the runway is such a haunting image and has stuck with me for years), the book is full of hope in a way that so few apocalyptic works are.

      The book insists that “survival is insufficient,” and its best parts are the characters forging relationships with each other, friendships that carry them through the hard times; and building art – Shakespeare plays and museums and more, which gesture to the possibility of recovery. Right now, stuck in our own pandemic, I’m finding it really hard to have home, to imagine a time beyond this and to imagine that time as anything but a wasteland – and Station Eleven does that imagining for us.

      (Yep. Clearly need to go back and re-read that. Maybe after I re-read Canticle for Leibowitz.)

      3. Elizabeth West*

        I have had Station Eleven for ages but haven’t read it yet. I did read Chuck Wendig’s Wanderers. While that one is really good, he writes with a more thriller/horror-ish bent (this the same person who wrote a book about killer engineered ants!), so it might not be to everyone’s taste.

        I’m really struggling to write marketing copy for mine right now. I don’t want to be insensitive when people’s loved ones are dying by flogging a book about life after death, but I still need to sell copies, aaaauugh.

    26. Lady Jay*

      Who else finds that their emotions are all over the place?

      At times, I feel very, very angry by the utter failure of our various governmental officials. Called my state governor up to urge a stay-at-home order (we don’t have one yet, we’re really not doing well as a state) and *ahem* found myself swearing as I left my message, I was so mad by his failure. And I’ve been shouting at people on Facebook. But other times, the sun is out, I’m home and safe, and I’m distracted by something good – virtual movie night with friends or a call from family. And I’m okay.

      I tend to believe that anger can be a powerful force for action, but I’ve been thinking lately about the importance of. figuring out a way to manage emotions, especially in interacting with people – because the trauma of the virus seems to have exacerbated everything.

      1. Misty*

        Yeah my emotions are pretty up and down too. Not so much with anger for me, more sadness. Like I cry everyday now about nothing. :/

      2. Empath*

        100% all over the place – just one big rollercoaster of angry, upset, sad, anxious and lonely, with a little joy and crazy thrown in there for fun. It’s whipping me around so much I just want to sleep and shut it all down. Probably best I can’t sleep in daylight, I’d just be going back to bed all day.

      3. Lcsa99*

        I thought I was doing fine but having mozzarella sticks cancelled off my order yesterday cause they were out had me in tears, so obviously its hitting me harder than I thought. I am usually fine being a homebody. At work I usually sit in an area that’s pretty cut off so other than delivery people I don’t interact much with my colleagues on an average day so having my husband to interact with while we work from home is nice but … this just all feels so big and I think I am feeling very small and insignificant. I am trying not to worry about our parents but they are all high risk. My mother is immunosuppressed, my father has a heart condition, his wife had a heart transplant a few years ago, my in-laws are in their 70s and she has severe asthma and he is susceptible to pneumonia … and all we can do is stay away from everyone. I am always the fixer in the family and I can’t do anything to fix this. I feel so useless.

        1. Sam I Am*

          I cried about a bookcase.
          I understood in the moment that it wasn’t about the bookcase, but I let myself cry it out. I talked to myself about it not being about the bookcase, and that it was OK to be upset. I spent a good deal of time in my youth working with kids, and I was able to feel myself soothing my inner toddler.
          I think it helped.

      4. LGC*

        Hi, me from a week or so ago!

        I totally get you being up and down, because I was at equal turns terrified and despondent and angry (my boss needed me to come in for “coverage” – basically, I could do my job from home, except they needed someone to babysit our employees). I was also the shouty type (and I was obnoxious about it) – to some degree, I still am.

        You’re right in that anger is a powerful force for action…but it’s not an all-purpose tool. It’s a hammer, not a Swiss Army Knife. Sometimes, anger can be really useful – you can use my state as an example of what happens when stay-at-home orders don’t come in place fast enough. Writing your governor was really great, and I hope you can avoid the fate that New York and New Jersey are suffering right now. (For multiple reasons – not least of which is the way that the NYC metropolitan area is often discussed – I don’t hold out too much hope. But what’s happening here can – and is – happening all over the country. We’re not that exceptional.)

        There’s also the amount of control people have – we’re all in this together, whether we like it or not. Americans are generally selfish and have difficulty thinking about others – and I include myself in this. But also, I think a lot of us are terrified, confronting our mortality or our family’s mortality (or if you’re me, both!), and trying to figure out what the heck to do. So…extend yourself a bit of grace, but also try to extend others that bit of grace. (It’s hard, I know. I flagged a friend’s repost about how ibuprofen makes COVID-19 worse today because I couldn’t deal with it.)

      5. Marion Ravenwood*

        Completely. Like I literally went from feeling really good and ‘I can get through this, it’s fine’ to crying and wondering how I’m going to survive the next two months in the space of this afternoon (even though I know it’s not really about the thing that made me cry). I know from previous experience that I have a tendency to go *very* extreme in times of crisis and that I really struggle without social interaction, so I’m trying to combat it that way, but it just feels like such a rollercoaster right now. Still, nothing to do but ride it out, I guess.

    27. Opie-san*

      I have a couple questions related to the coronavirus:
      Can someone be ineligible to work from home because they have a baby? Our jobs typically would not be work from home but our boss is letting some people work from home-she is excluding one woman who has a baby.

      Also, if you are a salaried employee whose pay is being cut due to coronavirus, but you are still expected to work, can you file for any u employment?

      1. Jaid*

        The lady with a baby should be the first to work from home. Obviously she has child care if she’s working at the office, why would that change if she worked from home?

        1. Ranon*

          Childcare places have closed in a lot of areas, it’s quite likely she doesn’t have childcare. Most employers are acknowledging that by allowing their employees to work from home and just basically dealing with the fact that people with children in their house will do the best they can.

      2. Seeking Second Childhood*

        Before this pandemic. Most companies that allowed work-from-home did create policies requiring anyone with children under 13 to have child care in place so that someone was not caring for the child at the same time as working. With schools closing and daycares closing many businesses are relaxing that or enacting flicks time to make up for it. Some are not handling it that well.
        Go back to an earlier day in this week, Alison had a column about partial unemployment, with links to individual State web pages.

    28. Epsilon Delta*

      How are you all handling take-out food orders, especially if your state is sheltering in place? I’m having a hard time figuring out how to weigh the different aspects. For reference, I am 100% WFH with a healthy stock of groceries so there’s no need for me to be visiting restaurants. The calculus would obviously change if I was working outside the home and didn’t have time to cook.

      On the one hand, I want to support local businesses who remain open for takeout. However, most of my favorite local restaurants are fully closed now, or are a bit of a drive (30 minutes) which feels questionable during the shelter in place order. That leaves mainly big chains. Even though they’re big chains, they still employ humans who are (probably?) making more working than they would on unemployment.

      On the other hand, each time we go out and interact with people, even at a social distance with all the hygiene precautions, we’re risking acquiring the virus or spreading it to others.

      I’ve been leaning towards cooking everything at home, but I am really dying for a coffee from my favorite (chain) coffee shop, or just a meal that didn’t come from our fridge. But every time I think about going out it seems like such a terrible idea because it’s just not necessary, and we’d probably be going to a chain restaurant because all the local ones are closed or suck. How are you all making this decision?

      1. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

        Honestly, I’ve stopped ordering out but donating to my favorite local business through gofundme and buying gift cards. My city also has a living document of bartenders/waiters you can venmo tips to – maybe yours has one as well. I don’t think it’s fair to put the burden on everyday people to keep local businesses alive while also keeping ourselves alive, though I know our government is incompetent at helping these people. I do what I can via donations but I’m also not risking my health.

      2. New Job So Much Better*

        We’re not taking the chance on ordering take-out, just not worth it. But I am sick of putting together something for dinner. And I really miss my local Italian place’s Surf and Turf salad. Sigh.

      3. Ranon*

        We are waiting a little longer for everyone to get better at this whole virus thing, and then we’re thinking we’ll stick with foods that we’d be comfortable eating in countries with different food safety standards than ours- i.e. only hot, cooked foods, no raw veggies, and probably re-heating to safe temperatures before eating. Our household is low risk and has easy access to small local restaurants offering takeout.

      4. fposte*

        I’m just getting delivery–a few of my local favorites have added it on. I might extend that to curbside at some point, but I really don’t want to go inside right now.

      5. LizB*

        Our order (MN) specifies that driving for pleasure is still allowed, so I don’t think the 30-min drive would be a problem here. If you go from your house to your car without touching anything or encountering anyone in between, it’s basically just a smaller place to isolate, right?

      6. Lemon Hurl*

        I believe there’s no way to guarantee that you would not get any pathogens or viruses from takeout, fastfood or delivery places. Due to the nature of this Corona virus, most people have no idea where they caught it from.
        Asymptomatic workers are handling the food and the packaging and spreading the virus while doing so. Everyone needs a pay check.

      7. Old and Don’t Care*

        Honestly I don’t worry about it. I don’t do a lot of takeout anyway, because I cook and like to make things the way I want them. However, I stopped into a Middle Eastern restaurant the other day because they do Baba Ghanoush better than I could. I tried to order online but when I got there they said the order hadn’t gone through. So I stood there five minutes at a safe distance while they put it together. It didn’t freak me out anymore than the grocery store would and I’d do it again tomorrow (but probably won’t.)

        My view is that we are entrusting our (state and local in this case) governments with an extraordinary amount of power over our lives. If we are supposed to trust them, and they are allowing or even encouraging us to get takeout food, I’m going to do it if I choose to.

        1. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

          I wouldn’t so much say “trust” as “tolerate”. If you’re in the U.S., the government is screwing up pretty badly, and I’m not trusting their claims. Their encouraging people to takeout because business is more important to them than people’s health.

          Donate and buy gift cards, but don’t sacrifice health.

          2. Natalie*

            There are 50 different state governments involved, many of them diametrically opposed to our federal government, and none of them have raised any kind of alarm over takeout. Nor have any international public health authorities.

      8. BuildMeUp*

        I think it’s good to support local businesses, and if you’re ordering from a larger chain, you can still support the employees there by tipping well.

        Do any of them offer delivery? Restaurants in my area are doing “contactless delivery,” where they leave the food outside your door so you don’t have direct contact with the delivery person.

        As far as safety goes, recommendations I’ve seen are to order hot food, put it onto clean plates without making contact between the packaging/wrappers and the plate, and then microwave the food until it’s hot. And of course wipe down the outside of any drinks, or pour them into a clean cup if possible.

        1. Ms Mash*

          But identifying the contagion and its sources of food, container contacts are impossible.

          And if you get it, you most likely don’t know where you got it from.

          Roll the bones. Roll dem bones…

      9. Roja*

        We’re actively trying to keep our eating out habits unchanged–well, the method has changed, obviously. But if anything, we’re spending more than normal. We live in a walkable area with a lot of small, independent restaurants that we very much want to survive this crisis. So we’ve done delivery and takeout at least once a week, targeting the restaurants we most want to survive or that we think need the most help.

        I basically never leave the house except at great need, but my husband works retail (sells exotic pet food that can’t be found elsewhere, so it’s essential). And naturally, he works in the zip code that’s the hotspot of our city, which is the hotspot of our state. So honestly, on the scale of risks, takeout just doesn’t even enter the equation.

      10. Overeducated*

        We are doing once weekly takeout food. Frankly a large part of that calculus is we are trying to both work full time while caring for two little kids whose day care is closed, so our weekdays are long and we don’t have much time; another is that I have a gift certificate for a delivery service so it’s free to me for now and I am able to tip very well. If there were a known significant risk of transmission from takeout these things would not matter, but so far public health advice says it’s low risk if you wash your hands a lot and minimize handling packaging, and we trust that so far.

      11. Marion Ravenwood*

        I didn’t get takeaways much before this (at least not at home – when I’m at my boyfriend’s it’s different though), so for me not much has changed in that regard, but I do miss being able to get coffee. I feel so bad for all the local small businesses I walked past and said ‘I must go there some day’, because what if some day never comes now?

        In the meantime, are any of your favourite places doing vouchers or similar for when things go back to normal? That way you could still support them now and have something to look forward to later.

    29. Windchime*

      My first thought when all this virus stuff happened was “Station Eleven”! I love that book and have read it several times, but for anyone considering it….maybe wait a few months. I didn’t know she had a new book and I will probably give it a try; after reading Station Eleven, I read a bunch of her other books and they were all really good and didn’t have the same type of theme as Station Eleven.

    30. The Other Dawn*

      Now that I’m getting around better, we headed to Walmart this morning. We needed some cat food and a couple other things. I’d been to the grocery store earlier in the week and all the paper and cleaning products were totally wiped out, just like I expected. CVS had none, either. Anyway, even though I have toilet paper, I decided I’d grab a package since it’s clear things are not going to get better anytime soon and I don’t want to get to the point where I actually need it and can’t find any at all. Luckily they had some Charmin brand TP so I grabbed one 12-pack–they had nothing smaller. (I hate Charmin. Way too thick and clogs the pipes. Apparently many other people must feel that way, too, since it was the only brand left on the shelf. But beggars can’t be choosers, so I’ll take what I can get.) I was also able to get mini hand sanitizers (1 ounce each) online from Bath and Body Works late last week. I happened to log in early enough and got two five-packs for 16.00 total plus shipping, which I plan to split with my sister. Not cheap, but it’s something.

      Other things that are still out of stock: pasta, ramen/cup of noodles, cleaning products, tissues, and paper towels. Milk was pretty low, too.

      It really pisses me off that people are hoarding all this stuff and making it so others can’t get it. Had I not stocked up on certain things because of surgery, I’d be SOL right now because of the hoarders. (I’ve seen Facebook friends proudly post pictures of their hoards!) My sister said I need to get there when the store opens. I agree, but given that I can’t drive yet and my husband is back to work, it’s not possible to get there that early. I also don’t have anyone close by that could go for me.

      1. tangerineRose*

        Yeah, the hoarders are making me mad, too. When I went to get groceries about a week ago, the toilet paper shelves were completely empty, and there was no sanitizer.

        I keep trying to tel myself that maybe some of this is just a bunch of people who each want to pick up a couple of packages of TP, and all of that together is causing the problem.

        1. The Other Dawn*

          I think it’s a mix of people buying a few packs so they don’t run out, which is fine, and hoarders who want All The Stuff.

          Also, Walmart has the social distancing marks on the floor at the registers. The woman in front of me was practically on top of the guy in front of her, who was bagging and paying. She was clearly annoyed he wasn’t moving fast enough and had her cart almost touching him as he was paying. WTF, lady?! Don’t you realize you’re supposed to be distancing yourself–and your very young kid that’s running around touching everything?!

        2. Epsilon Delta*

          Personally I’m choosing to believe that intentional hoarding is rare. It definitely has happened, but it wasn’t everybody and I’m seeing a lot of places crack down on it now. It’s more a result of everyone being told to have 2 weeks supply on hand, which naturally throws a wrench in the supply/demand equation. That by itself creates shortages, and it’s not totally irrational to buy something you don’t need yet but will soon if you know you’re facing a shortage, which exacerbates the problem. That’s what I’m choosing to believe.

          1. The Other Dawn*

            I would choose to believe it, too, but a Facebook friend (distant relative by marriage) posted a pic of his stockpile last week and was very proud of it. (Think 10 or 12 24/36-packs of TP and there’s two people in the house.) People called him out as greedy and he doubled down. This same person posted the picture again when I posted about the shelves being empty. Needless to say, my niece, sister, and a friend absolutely crucified him. He has not responded.

            1. The Other Dawn*

              He finally responded and said that, too, can have all he has if I just go to the store and get it, and that stores are very well-stocked. Sure, maybe in your area or at another time when there’s not a pandemic going on. But in my area and many others, shelves are completely bare, which is what I told him. I also told him the point is that it was insensitive to post a picture of his stockpile at a time when many people can’t get what they need, either because they’re out of work or the shelves are bare (or both), which includes food items. He literally said “don’t care” and started posting memes and videos showing toilet paper being weighed, packaged, and sold like drugs and joked that he’s “making a killing.” Anyway, he’s now unfriended.

              And I do know that many people are buying stuff because times are so uncertain. I don’t have a problem with that at all as long as they’re not filling their cart with 15 packages of toilet paper or whatever and leaving nothing for other people. (Thankfully our stores are finally putting limits on specific items, and asking people to limit other purchases in general.) It’s the people like this now-former Facebook friend I have a problem with.

              1. nonegiven*

                If he is really making a killing, turn him in to his state’s attorney general’s office.

                1. The Other Dawn*

                  No, he said that as a way to antagonize other people commenting on my post. He posted memes and videos that are circulating on Facebook. I don’t believe he’s actually selling it.

              2. Epsilon Delta*

                What a jerk. Some people lack an empathy muscle. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. :(

          2. KR*

            This. People are buying things they might not need yet because they don’t know if it will be available due to the shortages when they do need it.

            1. Bookmom*

              I went to Costco and bought 2 weeks worth of groceries yesterday… I have teenagers and my college kid home now so that’s just a lot of food. The clerk was obviously annoyed at the amount in my cart. But I feel like it’s more responsible to do one monster size shopping trip than run out regularly. I was feeling anxious going out as it was and it just deflated me to get the stink eye from the cashier. I keep telling myself everyone’s tired and cranky, that it’s okay.

              1. Sam I Am*

                Fewer trip means more stuff. And fewer trips out is the goal.
                Sorry about the stink-eye, I’d just assume it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the situation. Doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not, it just keeps me from carrying it around in my head.

              2. Kage*

                So true! My husband looks like one of the crazy milk hoarders each week when he does our shopping run. With 5 people stuck in the house, including a toddler still regularly getting bottles, we are easily crushing 6 gallons a week. I’m sure he gets a lot of looks every time he checks out.

          3. JKP*

            I also believe this is a failure of “just in time” delivery. The supply chain has been setup to deliver just exactly what is needed just before it runs out based on past buying patterns in order to avoid keeping any extra inventory in the stores or warehouses. So if demand suddenly spikes, you have immediate shortages because there isn’t any extra buffer along the supply chain.

      2. Panthera uncia*

        I bought a pack of crazy-fluffy TP also (only thing left) and I’m just not flushing it. It’s weird to me since it’s not the norm, but I know it IS the norm in a lot of places (I think EMEA is one). I’m trying to be matter-of-fact about it, and am emptying the bathroom trash daily.

    31. Reba*

      I’m one of those who regularly takes one of the drugs that was Tweeted About. I also read that hospitals are buying it up just in case it turns out to be indicated. I have no idea if that’s true but it would explain the lack of wholesale stock.

      At the beginning of this week I was able to get 25 tablets when I usually get like 86. I laughed when I saw on the sticker that I am eligible for 1.78 more refills on this script.

      Very peeved. Left a VM with my doctor to ask if I should think about rationing it. (Richest country in the world, etc.)

      1. Epsilon Delta*

        I had a similar experience trying to refill an inhaler. Normally I refill it every 3-4 months so it was not on my radar until everything went on lockdown and I realized there was about 2 weeks left on it. All the branches of my pharmacy (Walgreens) were out, but they found it at a competing pharmacy and sent me there. Very grateful for the extra effort.

    32. nep*

      How do you all feel about going to the grocery store? I wear gloves. I stay a couple of meters away from people to the extent possible. (Had a mask just from the hardware store, but it’s been in storage forever and the elastic is shot.) I don’t love it, but it’s necessary.
      I used to shop for Shipt, but that much exposure simply is not worth it to me.

      1. KoiFeeder*

        Immunosuppressed, so I’ve been trying to get delivery, but that’s been a bit of a crapshoot.

        1. nep*

          I’d like to be out there doing those shops for people (and making that money), but too risky. Live with a high-risk person, and I don’t have health insurance.
          All the best

          1. KoiFeeder*

            I can’t find anyone outside of the Official Services (peapod, etc.) that I can pay to do this. You’d think there’d be people ready to make extra cash, but I guess not.

            1. nep*

              When Shipt has the means (and there’s enough equipment) to give us protective materials, I’ll get back out there. In otherwords, not.
              I feel for you. I hope you’ll find a solution that gets you what you need. Peace.

            2. pancakes*

              Can’t hurt to run a search for your town or city name + “mutual aid.” There are a lot of groups that have sprung up.

      2. Parenthetically*

        We’ve been at this long enough in my state that things have settled down a little with crowds and hoarding (plus our AG is being very public about cracking down on price gouging, so resellers don’t have as much motive). Our local Trader Joe’s is doing an EXCELLENT job enforcing social distancing — only allowing a certain number of people at a time, with marks on the sidewalk to keep people at appropriate distances. It’s a huge relief for me. My over-60 parents are going a little stir crazy and it’s the one place I feel okay about them going to shop. They also wear gloves.

      3. Nicki Name*

        We’re going once a week, near closing time, and the store is pretty empty of people then. I’ve been joking that this is the new household date night. :-/

      4. ThatGirl*

        I’m going once a week because I want to leave the delivery and pickup services for people who really need it. So far it’s been calm and fairly empty when I’ve gone, with lots of visible cleaning. Just weird to see all of the soup gone.

    33. KoiFeeder*

      Had to go on the bus to go shopping since the food delivery service cancelled my order last minute. It was actually really nice because no one dared to touch me or my cane. I’m kinda sad that I’m immunosuppressed now because it was the best ride I’ve had in a very long time.

      TBH the only real bad experience was that someone told me that I wouldn’t get COVID because… I need a cane. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

      1. Misty*

        Wait someone told you that you can’t get it because you need a cane? I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of logic they were trying to work with there. That’s… an interesting take on the virus that I had not heard yet.

        1. KoiFeeder*

          No logic involved there, I think- they actually had a worse name for it than the in chief has been using, which probably explains everything.

          1. KoiFeeder*

            Hm, no emojis on AAM. I guess that’s what I get for trying to sneak past the profanity filters.

        1. KoiFeeder*

          Thank you! I hoped the reference would make the mind-boggling logic a little easier to see.

    34. CastIrony*

      I have a weekend for the first time in forever, but only because one of my jobs announced there will be no work for me for a while. Thank goodness I got a second job! :)

    35. tangerineRose*

      I’m worried about some of my favorite small businesses, like https://www.powells.com/ (amazing bookstore) which sounds like it’s barely keeping afloat because people are buying online to support them.

      1. Nicki Name*

        According to today’s news, it’s actually doing much better than that! It’s called back 100 workers that it laid off earlier this month due to the volume of online orders.

    36. Future homeowner*

      With all that’s going on in the world, I’ve been trying to find any small positives in my life right now to focus on or else I’ll go crazy by thinking about the negatives. The biggest thing right now: I’ve managed to save a lot of money.

      I live in a state with a shelter in place order until mid April and my company started having us work from home two weeks ago. So I haven’t had to put gas in my car, I haven’t been going out or buying coffee at Starbucks or shopping for anything other than basic necessities. I don’t even want to order things online because I’m worried about germs on packages and I don’t have any travel plans for the near future. My credit card bill this month was tiny.

      My New Years resolution was to improve my spending habits and be able to buy a house in the fall and increase my emergency fund. I want to be able to make a good down payment. This month has put me a lot closer to my goal than I thought.

    37. Elspeth Mcgillicuddy*

      Anybody have questions about homeschooling? Former homeschooled kid here. I know there are more of us on here, and probably some homeschool parents as well.

      My advice:
      1. The genius of homeschooling is it’s flexibility. Schedules are great, but they don’t have to look like a school’s schedule, because you are not a school. If it if fits your family to let the kids sleep in late, play in the backyard all day, and then do school after dinner, do so! And if the normal school style schedule fits your family, do that instead. If it works, IT WORKS; if it doesn’t work, try something else.

      2. A full day of school at home is much shorter than a full day of school at school. There are unavoidable inefficiencies in having a whole classroom of kids to manage. Everything takes longer with more people. Expect to spend several hours less per day than they spend at school to give your kids the same amount of education.

      3. A tired puppy is a good puppy. This applies to kids too. When my brother was having trouble sitting still, my mom would send him outside to run around the house 3 times. Then he would be able to focus. This wasn’t a punishment and it helped a ton.

      Any questions I or someone else might be able to answer?

    38. LGC*

      Just really scared. My county is one of the hotspots. One of the hospitals that’s really getting hammered is right in my town.

      The county parks just got closed down, including our main walking path (which runs from my town down for a few miles – I go there all the time). I actually went through there yesterday – it was a beautiful spring day, and it was pretty crowded. (I went through the back of the park head, so I think I was pretty safe.) Hilariously, while the parking lots were closed off, that didn’t stop people – they just parked on the side streets. Sigh.

      I think I’ve…mostly done a good job of social distancing in the past week? I had to go to work the week before (yes, I know, weekend thread), but I’ve mostly had the luxury of staying at home this week. I might have to go in to fix a few things next week, but I’ll try to limit it to once a week or once every two weeks. I’m actually worried that I’m an infection risk because of where I live – we have about 40 cases in my (small) town, I think.

      Meanwhile, it feels like one of my friends is having a breakdown and I’m not sure what to say. She’s a nurse at the other hospital in my county that’s really under assault right now (and in the epicenter of my county’s outbreak – the town is slightly larger than mine, so 35,000-ish people, but has something like 200+ cases). She’s been pretty aggressive on the socials, including my own Facebook – where she criticized me for saying that I was lower risk. (I’m 35, an avid runner, don’t have any preexisting conditions to the best of my knowledge…and I noted afterwards that I was well aware that people my age were getting extremely sick from this.) I have a couple of friends and family that are healthcare workers, and in general I’m not sure exactly what to say or do, or what I can say or do. (Other than staying at home.)

      (I messaged one of my friends a couple of days ago – he’s a pharmacist, his wife is also a nurse. He wordvomited his anxieties on me, and then apologized. I told him he has nothing to apologize for.)

      1. Sam I Am*

        I send daily texts OR emails to my friends working in medicine and essential industries, I share something positive of my day (or a funny meme or whatever) and let them know we’re well here, and close out by telling them I know they’re busy and don’t expect a response, that I just want them to “feel the love.”
        It’s been positive for me, that across the distance I can let them know they’re in my thoughts. Their feedback is that every once in a while they write back, they’ve thanked me for sending positive updates and they vent a little about the situation. I even included an opt out in the messages this week “Would you like to keep receiving e-mails and texts from Sam I Am at the current rate? Then do nothing at all! Please write back “Pause” if you want to eliminate these from your inbox.”
        By now they’ve all responded that they love getting no-response-required positive messages, and I told them if it gets overwhelming to let me know so I can dial it back/ stop.
        Sounds like you’re being a good listener, and that’s huge. Good luck!

    39. Not A Manager*

      I am very happy to have a robust sourdough starter. For bakers, if you can get a mature starter from a friend, it’s worth doing so you don’t have to worry about yeast. If you want to start one, it will take some time and a lot of flour to get it mature enough to leaven bread without any additional yeast, but it’s fairly easy to do.

      2. Not A Manager*

        I used this recipe for mine: https://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/sourdough-starter-recipe

        This is a good way to grow your starter. The recipe implies that once you get to Day Seven, you’re ready to go. This might be true for recipes that call for some starter and some commercial yeast, but the starter will not be robust enough to leaven bread on its own until it’s at least a month old. Stay the course, keep feeding it twice a day, try a new loaf occasionally, and by about 4-6 weeks it will be able to leaven a loaf with no added yeast at all.

        Tips: Once you get the colony started, use 50% whole wheat flour and 50% bread flour to feed it. I find that it grows better and is more robust for leavening. When it’s fully-established (I would wait for at least a month), you can refrigerate it until needed (cover tightly with plastic wrap, or use a plastic container with a top). Pull it out to feed twice a week at first, and then once a week once you’re sure it’s robust enough.

        To feed refrigerated starter, remove from fridge and let stand at room temp for about 12 hours, or until risen and bubbly. Feed starter, and let sit for another 12 hours before using for baking. When you mix up your dough, feed the remaining starter and put it in the fridge for another week.

        Also once your starter is robust enough, feed some of it and pop it in the freezer. That’s a backup in case the stuff in your fridge dies. When you need it, let it sit at room temp for 12-14 hours, and then feed it twice a day until it seems healthy.

        If you are baking a loaf with no added yeast, be sure your recipe calls for at least some whole wheat flour. My template recipe is 400 grams bread flour and 50 grams whole wheat flour. The bread tastes like a white loaf, but the whole wheat flour gives it more rise and structure than the bread flour alone.

        I have limited success with the rustic artisanal free form loaves, unless they are about 35% whole wheat. Otherwise they spread out too much and are more like focaccia. Even though a lot of recipes these days are for the free-form loaves, it’s fine to bake your bread in a loaf pan just like yeasted bread. It’s easier for sandwiches that way, too.

    40. Louleau*

      Removed because this is the non-work thread. (I’m sorry! If I don’t enforce that, it’ll overtake the thread.)

    41. Elenna*

      To any health-care workers: is there anything useful that the general public can do right now? I mean, besides the obvious social distancing, hand-washing, etc.

    42. Not A Manager*

      I am suddenly not feeling so good. I’ve taken my laptop and some tea into bed. If it weren’t for coronavirus this would be completely trivial – I don’t feel THAT bad. But I’m a bit concerned.

      3. Not A Manager*

        Thank you both. I’m feeling much better today and hope that yesterday was just anxiety.

    43. Rebecca*

      My county is one of the few in PA without reported cases, but that’s going to change. I’ve heard of people saying they know people who are sick but can’t get tested. Travel wasn’t restricted so we have people coming in from heavily affected areas, but finally it looks like people are starting to take this seriously. We still have empty shelves here, but we have a population of 37K+ people and only a few grocery options, unless you drive 35-45 minutes to other counties one way. Thankfully stores now have restrictions on how much you can buy of any one item. I just tried to schedule a grocery pickup at Walmart and no slots are available tomorrow, so I’m going to get up early in the AM to see if I can get a slot on Monday. If it’s during my work day (I’m working from home), I’m going to tell my manager I need to use some vacation time to get it done since I’m non-exempt and tied to a punch in system.

      I admit I’m scared to get this. I’m even more terrified that I might be one of those people who carry it and can spread it, but not get it themselves. I wear gloves all the time now. I don’t touch anything if I go to the store unless I’m purchasing that item, and I use self checkout. I probably look odd with mechanic’s gloves on, but tough. My last Aunt is dying, and I can’t go see her, not because I could give her the virus, it’s because I could potentially give it to my cousins and their spouses who are with her at the house. I was able to talk to her on the phone at least.

      I have to say I’m so grateful to live in a rural area, I can go outside and take a walk, no worries about running into anyone, I have cats, TV, radio, books, etc. Been listening to a lot of podcasts.

      Here’s a really positive thing! I have been checking on my neighbors, from a distance of course, and when I asked the new neighbors across the street if they were OK, if they needed anything, etc., they said all was good, and asked how I was. I said, I’m almost out of hand sanitizer, and can’t get any anywhere, but other than that, everything is fine. The next day, I was walking, and he called out to me – gave me 2 2 oz bottles, his wife is an employee in our local hospital system, and she has a lot because they hand it out regularly at her job. She’s working from home now, and they had more than they need, so he shared with me. I had to pass this along, he didn’t have to do that, and he was so very kind. There are still good things happening. Mr. Rogers always said, look for the helpers, so that’s what we need to do.

    44. ONFM*

      My husband and I are both first responders, so we cannot control who we come in contact with. For that reason, we made the decision to stop letting his parents (over 60 and high risk in other ways) be our childcare, to be really serious about social distancing, etc. It’s been tough bc all our neighbors are treating this like spring break – literally playing cornhole and grilling together in the cul de sac right now. He went for a bike ride, I grabbed something from my car – and he was outside hanging with all of them. No 6ft distance, nothing. In the middle of this group of like 10 adults and 8 kids. I asked him what he was doing (inside, didn’t cause a scene or anything); his response was “I have to go to work anyway, what does it matter?” I was so furious I could barely speak. We explicitly talked about the very high probability that we will get this, and how important it is not to spread it. I’m just stunned. Any tips on how to keep a very extroverted, clearly peer-pressured person isolated?

      1. Anonymous ball of anxiety*

        Oh gosh, that’s upsetting. I’m sure he’s doing the best he can but just made a bad snap judgment in the moment. Maybe his perception of the risk to others is a little skewed because of the risk inherent in his work? I wish I had more ideas, but could you help him find more appropriately distanced opportunities to socialize, like group video chats or online gaming? The peer pressure thing is tough . . . . Personally, I’ve struggled with sticking to decisions that go against what I’m seeing people around me do, especially in the grey areas where there hasn’t been clear and consistent guidance.

        Thanks to you and your husband for doing hard jobs that are even harder right now. I hope you both stay safe and well.

    45. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

      My mom went to stretch her legs this week and found a bunch of pot leftovers in a corner. She… didn’t take it well. Apparently she wants to find out the culprit and report to the police for drug trafficking (!?).

      1. AvonLady Barksdale*

        She found some joint remnants on a corner and wants to go all CSI on people? This is not the time. I hope she can find a different direction for her energy.

    46. Free Meerkats*

      Had to block a nephew on social media. I could almost stomach his “Covid is of Satan!” rants, but today he posted pictures of his church, full of people “Praying Satan’s covid out of the country.”

      Morons.

    47. Anon woman with breast cancer*

      Hi all… so I found via my surgeon out that in my country (and city, not in the USA) that hospitals here are also quarantining, too. The main hospital is taking a wing and it is in isolation, for all the coronavirus patients. The other tiny hospital in my city is taking all the cancer, trauma, childbirth stuff – and literally every other surgery that is not urgent is cancelled. This is to help confine the virus. My cancer surgery is set for the first week of April and I am thrilled that I do not have to worry about the virus as much during the 2 days I will be in hospital. I am also realising how strong I am and have been in this process. Being laid off at the end of my contract, on top of all the cancer, has given me more resolve that I am brave and strong. I will walk alone to the surgery, and two days later I will walk home alone too. I do not want to expose my friends… so yeah. One more hurdle. Then more isolation to. heal and I HOPE to have a damn fine glass of wine – abstained since October. (that is strong!) So… Kia kaha, stay strong all. Sending out good vibes to everyone – here it is spring and the trees are coming back to life, flowers are blooming, it is lovely. So much to look forward to after this virus situation is managed.

    48. Batgirl*

      Isn’t it funny how a throwaway comment, without any malice in it, can rankle for days afterward?
      Someone being interviewed on the news the other day said romantic partners who don’t live together shouldn’t mind being separated by coronavirus because ‘It’s just like going on holiday without them for three weeks’.
      My fiance and I will remain separated for as long as it takes. We understand our house hunt, and everybody’s, has to be on hold. But is it too difficult to admit this is a hardship on us without dismissal? People have different styles of relationshipping and ours is very much in-person. We deliberately don’t travel for work, we would never voluntarily choose a long distance relationship, we don’t take separate holidays; even if we did I would like to know just how many people can afford trips of this length anyway.
      It’s so weird how much this has annoyed me.

      1. Marion Ravenwood*

        No, absolutely not. I’ve had periods of two weeks apart from my boyfriend before (when he had to go to the US for work and then France for a family holiday) and I missed him loads then, and given how much time I spend at his place – normally 2-3 nights a week and a day if not both at the weekend – it’s been a real struggle to suddenly go from that to not being able to see each other in person indefinitely (we have video chats most days but it’s not the same). I know it’s for the best and that we’ll be able to be together again when all this is over, but there’s also a part of me that’s kicking myself for not just taking a bag of clothes and my laptop to his place last weekend and going into lockdown there.

    49. Anono-me*

      There have been some really sweet stories in the news about people visiting loved ones in the nursing home face to face, but with a closed window in between and the loved one inside and the visitor outside.

      I’ve checked the federal CDC and the Minnesota and North Carolina health department websites. (The locations where the stories are from.) I cannot find any information on how safe this is. It sounds good to me. But the risks are so great that I would like to find some sort of medical support before trying this myself. Does anyone know where there is some good information on the safety of this?

      Thank you.

    50. Chaordic One*

      I’m feeling minorly annoyed about the social distancing thing. My hair has become a mess and I’m feeling a bit unkempt, but I’m too afraid to go get a trim. I’m thinking I’ll attempt to do a minor trim job myself and clip off the unruly hair that it is sticking up oddly and let the rest of it go and grow out for the next month or so, or maybe longer. I know, very first-world, privileged problem.

      1. Valancy Snaith*

        If it helps, you’re not alone! In my province all barbershops, hair stylists, salons, spas, etc. have been closed for almost two weeks now. There are going to be an awful lot of shaggy mops running around in another couple of weeks unless we all get brave and start cutting our own hair…which might be worse!

        1. Chaordic One*

          When I’m on my way to work (essential worker here) and on the rare shopping trip to the grocery, I seem to be seeing lots of men with shaved heads. More than usual. I think they’re doing it themselves.

    51. Hazy Days*

      I probably have it, although I’ve not been tested. I have a direct chain to someone who has tested positive. I certainly have some form of flu. I feel floppy, boneless and headachy, but I’m absolutely fine so long as I stay lying down. I’m a fit, healthy woman in my mid-40s, so not a high-risk group.

      For anyone preparing their store cupboards – actually I want large amounts of comfort food. I do not want the healthy chicken soup and satsumas I laid in. I want crumpets, Simnel cake and potato farls slathered in butter. I want pots of tea, waffles and chocolate. However, another bowl of chicken soup it is!

          1. Hazy Days*

            It’s an Irish potato bread that you eat hot – I Cunningly put a couple of packs in the freezer when stocking up for the potential need to self-isolate.

    52. Tris Prior*

      Here in Chicago the mayor shut down the lakefront and that hit me REALLY hard. The lake is my happy place, I live within walking distance of it, it is good for my mental health to be around water. I was waiting for it to juuuuuuuuust get a little bit warmer before I went. Now, I can’t. Indefinitely.

      All because people would not stop gathering in large close groups there and would not stay 6 feet apart. Have you SEEN our lakefront? It is enormous! It is not that hard to step 6 feet away from someone! But no, people were right on top of each other, hanging out together, playing contact sports together, acting as though there wasn’t a pandemic going on.

      I’m so angry. Not at the mayor. She did the right thing given that no one was following the rules. I’m angry at all the people who could not freaking follow simple instructions. And now it’s ruined for all of us. I feel like I’m a kid in school again and the whole class is getting punished for something that only a couple kids did.

    54. Grumpy-pants the Sanctimonious*

      What in the heck was NY thinking? The Bay Area issued shelter-in-place orders when the state of CA had ~700 confirmed cases, the statewide order came at under 1,500 cases. NY had over 16,000 cases before they issued the stay at home order!!! I know there have been daily (?) briefings, but I haven’t been listening because (a) I live on the opposite side of the country and (b) I have lost all respect for a governor who was too lily-livered to act when it might have made a difference.

  2. A.N. O'Nyme*

    Writing thread! How’s everyone’s writing going?
    I’ve mostly been working on my paper because the deadline is getting closer and AAAAAAAAAAH!

    1. MistOrMister*

      I STILL have not managed to find time to get back to my story. Stupid thing. But I’ve started a sporadic journal following how I’m doing these days. That’s been interesting! God help anyone who reads it though, I am sure it’s the same stuff over and over! But, does a journal have yo make for good reading?….probably not, right?

      1. A.N. O'Nyme*

        Taking the diaries of Puritan settlers as a reference point…No, they don’t have to make for good reading. Important historical resources, though (am I the only one who sometimes wonders what people will think of the first iPhone in 200 years?)

        1. MistOrMister*

          Will there even still be any iphones in 200 years? I would think they’ll all have evaporated into the ether within 50!!! I remember when the first one came out. I couldn’t justify spending $600 on a phone, even though people said it was the last phone you’d ever need. So glad I was too cheap, because boy that was baloney, wasn’t it??

          If I’m writing for history, then I guess I need to do a better job with daily writing! So far it’s every couple of days. But now I see I have a greater responsibility. I hope I can bear the strain of being a historical treasure. Ha!!

          1. A.N. O'Nyme*

            It’s more of a “what will future archaeologist think when they find one somewhere?” train of thought, really. Similar to how late 19th century sewing manuals always tell you to “finish off in the usual manner” and we have no clue what “the usual manner” was at the time, or how we have no idea what the Pictish symbol stones are supposed to be (I recently read an interesting book that suggests they were astronomical/astrological calendars).

            1. Fikly*

              I have an amazing cookbook from the early 1900s that I keep for the reading experience, because it’s unusable for exactly this reason. For example, one recipe calls for a penny’s worth of rose water. How much is that???

    2. Lena Clare*

      I have decided this week to revisit my first novel (I had lost the only electronic copy I had :/ so didn’t work on it for a long while) and edit it.
      One of my beta readers has an earlier copy and is going to email me it back, yay!

      I’ve been struggling with the disruption to my routine in general, but I’ve decided I’m also going to make a study timetable up as my assignment for uni is due soon.
      I’ve set up a space in my back bedroom for working from home, am going to use that.

      So, progress, I think!

    3. Cartographical*

      In theory, this is literally my job… and I haven’t written a thing. My spouse is still working (from home) and I’m shockingly busy preparing for things to be difficult for at least 18 months.

      It’s also really hard not to fall into “well, everything is on fire so who’s going to be buying fiction?” type thinking. I was struggling before this and now I feel like that dog in the burning house.

      1. tangerineRose*

        I know what you mean, but I think that a lot of people may be looking for fiction to take their minds off of other things.

    5. New Job So Much Better*

      Funny you asked! Picked up a novella I started in January today and got a few thousand words written.

    6. Elizabeth West*

      I’ve been dicking around and not really doing much of anything, but apropos of a long-ago discussion here regarding readers who won’t buy into a series unless the writer finishes it, I posted on my blog that I fully commit to finishing the Tunerville trilogy. The first book can actually stand alone, but now that I have two others planned (and one finished), I see no reason not to do it.

      Plus, since I’m doing it under my own imprint, I don’t have to worry about sales for one book impacting whether the next one comes out. I can just do it.

      1. Lives in a Shoe*

        Thanks for mentioning the name of your book EW. I’ve been wracking my brain and all I could come up with was…a mental image of TV static and a remote control (shrug). I dunno that’s just how my brain works.

    7. KristinaL*

      I’ve written (and plan to self-publish) some children’s books, but I found out from the FAQ that the books should be a minimum of 24 pages. My average page length is about 15. Frustrating. The books took a long time to illustrate (mostly acrylic painting). I’ve been coming up with some ideas on what to add to the books. My other thought is to include some pictures of what the paintings looked like at different stages of the painting. Maybe I’ll do both.

    8. Panthera uncia*

      It’s not. My brain is just exhausted. I have more time than ever to pursue creativity, but my mind is like a trapped wild animal and nothing will soothe it.

    9. Sheworkshardforthemoney*

      I’ve been too distracted to write but my writing group is having an on-line meetup next week which will help kickstart me again.

    10. Finny*

      Wanting to write, but pen/pencil and paper is too difficult with the arthritis right now, and I don’t have a computer or tablet, just a phone, which doesn’t work well for writing. Can’t afford one right now, either. Annoying. Oh, well. Hoarding ideas for later.

      1. Anono-me*

        Could you put a call out to see if anyone in your circle has an old time tape recorder or Dictaphone? (And yes I am that old, that I have one of my own.)

        1. Finny*

          The only one who might is the father-in-law, and if he does, he’d not know where it’s at, since he keeps asking us if we’ve got a bunch of his stuff, which we don’t.

          Good idea, thougj–I shall have to keep that in mind.

    11. Mavis*

      Is this group only fiction?
      After being transfixed by current events, I finally broke out of the loop and Finished and submitted my first journal article today.

      Not sure how long it will take to hear back. The peer reviews may be busy with said current events.

      1. A.N. O'Nyme*

        Nope! Writing is writing, whether it is fiction, journalism, or a quality work advice blog!

    12. WoodswomanWrites*

      For the first time in way too long, I at last updated my blog. It’s a mix of photography and writing. The writing part to me is essential. Although it’s not extensive like longer works–I am truly in awe of people who can write entire books–crafting it is fulfilling. This particular post is pretty short but it feels so great to engage in creativity again. I have quite a backlog of ideas and photos, and I’m excited to at last unlock that part of myself. (My blog is the same name as my handle if anyone is interested.)

    13. Hazy Days*

      Really good news! I had my first poem accepted for publication, and by a very reputable journal. I’m chuffed to bits!

      My writing group transferred online pretty successfully using zoom.

      I’m going to get my next ‘literary salon’ online this week, in a small group to practice what works, and then expand a little the week or two after.

      Wishing others all the best.

    14. Princesa Zelda*

      Can’t write at the moment due to my computer being broken, but my research is coming along swimmingly. I’m glad I stocked up on notebooks back in September— taking notes longhand is filling them up!

    15. Claire*

      I’m struggling to work on the current WIP. My editor is not well. Anxiety about COVID-19 isn’t helping. And the Internet Archive has decided that pirating is just fine, because Pandemic! It doesn’t help that so many jerks on Twitter are saying authors should work for free. *stabbity*

    16. TimeLadyClara*

      I’ve recently found a new way to get myself to write more, notebooks! I’ve been writing on google docs for a while and I have been finding myself spending less time actually writing, but put a blank notebook in front of me and give me a fun colored pen and the words just flow right out of me. A bonus is that when I do transcribe what I’ve written into my google doc, I’m editing at the same time. I’ve gotten so much work done on my WIP that way!

  3. A.N. O'Nyme*

    Gaming thread! What’s everyone been playing this week? How are Animal Crossing: New Horizons and Doom Eternal holding up?
    I finished Steins;Gate and got Lukako’s ending, which feels… unsatisfactory? And first I was surprised by how lazy it seemed but the more I think on it the more I think that might actually be on purpose.

    1. LDN Layabout*

      Animal Crossing is currently keeping me saner than I would be if I were phone in hand 24/7, scrolling through social media.

      I’m so glad/lucky I managed to get a Switch, they sold out twice as I was looking and then threw caution/budget to the wind to order one. Now no one I know (US and UK) can find one that isn’t a Lite.

      As someone who has traditionally been a PC gamer (although I did have a DS and a Wii previously), it’s been really nice to limit my gaming right now to very soft, casual, HAPPY games. I love Nintendo.

      1. A.N. O'Nyme*

        I don’t have a Switch and honestly Animal Crossing is a series I’ve always preferred to watch others play rather than play myself (SO MANY LIVESTREAMS NOW THOUGH YAY!), but I’ve noticed that aside from Steins;Gate (which is the subject of my paper) I’ve been playing a lot of Story of Seasons: Trio of Towns. Probably should check if there’s more peeps playing online now – I can’t be the only person who doesn’t have a Switch yet (the plan was to get one this summer so…Fingers crossed?)

    2. Retail not Retail*

      Still pokemon go over here! We haven’t shifted to summer just yet so I can still walk the dog after work.

      In normal times, my job is great for it. Lots of stops, lots of walking. Now? Well I always walk at lunch, no crowds. I got gifts for days!

      0604 1226 1872

    3. Deschain*

      I’m playing Dauntless, which is a free game. It’s so much fun. I highly recommend it!

      1. Lonely Aussie*

        I wish there was a blend of building Sims 4 style with the way rooms work and open world and colour swatches of Sims 3. Such a shame they did away with them in 4 but I love being able to move rooms around like in 4.

    5. Nessun*

      Friend bought me Animal Crossing for my birthday and it’s been my go-to lately. Never played one before (I’m mostly into GW2 and some console RPGs), but it’s been very calming to just…fish and hunt bugs. Only made it off the island yesterday. LOL

      1. Weyrwoman*

        But that’s what’s great about it! There’s no time pressure, so you can just play at whatever your pace and style is :)

        1. Nessun*

          Oh I agree…I could ignore every quest and just fish until my pockets need emptied, over and over. I still might. ^^

        1. Nessun*

          I’m collecting titles :)

          “Romantic” has to be the silliest one so far. But I needed the break from those awful mursaat tokens…that JP is not friendly.

    6. Ada*

      I started an older game last week during my vacation to help get my mind off work. I picked Atelier Escha and Logy (after having previously played and enjoyed Atelier Aisha). I may have chosen poorly, given my goals. I didn’t know the full premise going in. It’s Work, the Video Game. The entire plot is you managing assignments as a government employee (in a fantasy setting, but still). Start a term, get your assignments, try to finish on time and under budget, submit an end-of-term report, get your assignments for the next term, rinse and repeat. Still fun, but the irony is not lost on me.

      1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        YES. I just finished the full play-through a couple days ago and started a second go-round this morning, So far, my killer combo is kernel-pults and snow peas. EVERYTHING dies (again) before it gets to me.

    9. wingmaster*

      I finally tried Minecraft this week, thanks to some heavy persuasion from my long-distance boyfriend. It was free in my Xbox Game Pass.

    10. Caterpie*

      Slogging through Outer Worlds at the moment, it had a lot of promise but I’m ready to be done now. Thinking of going back to My Time at Portia or Dark Souls 3 soon, I’m all over the place lol

    11. Weyrwoman*

      ACNH is fantastic, and so amazingly what I’ve needed with what’s been going on. It has more ‘quests’ and it really feels like you’re earning your accomplishments. Just uh, watch out for Tarantula Island >.>
      Currently my island is renovating its Resident Services Building, which I’m really excited for because that means that I get access to more bridges and ramps when it finishes tomorrow. I haven’t been time-travelling, but thanks to friends I’ve gotten all the fruit planted on my island. Now I just need the right DIY recipes so that I can decorate everything the way I want to!

      And later today I’ll be streaming My Very First Time Playing Dark Souls (I’m currently in Anor Londo, I think.). It’s been a lot of fun, and challenging.

      1. Nessun*

        I’m on the same time scale exactly! Waiting on Residence Services and looting trees from fruit a friend gave me :)

        I may have to use some miles to travel later – the islands are cute to loot, and the strip mining is useful.

    12. Cruciatus*

      I was thinking about how to play games with people as we’re separated. My friend group is more into quicker playing things like Catch Phrase or Cards Against Humanity, the Mork & Mindy Card game (seriously, it’s fun! Nanu nanu!), though we’re not against longer play board games, we just tend to like more variety in an evening. Does anyone have ideas for games we could all play online, either at the same time or something that requires taking turns and gives you something to look forward to throughout the day as you pick up your phone. Preferably things where 2+ people could play to just make us feel a bit more connected, it possible.

      1. curly sue*

        You can actually play Cards Against Humanity online! What’s even better, you can make custom cards to add to your deck, to include things like group in-jokes or current events. There’s no chat function anymore, sadly, but my friends and I chat through Whatsapp while we play.

        https://pyx-1.pretendyoure.xyz/zy/game.jsp

      2. Purt’s Peas*

        Jackbox games would probably be perfect for your friend group. One person streams/screenshares the game from their computer, and everyone else plays from their phones. There’s a good variety of short games—trivia games, “be funny” games, fool-your-friends games…

      3. Forensic13*

        There’s a game called “Mysterium” that my board game group just found out can be played online. One person is a ghost trying to give visions to the other players to solve their murder. You play in rounds and try to guess culprit, room in which the murder occurred, and either the circumstance/weapon depending on the version you play. The ghost gives the other players clues in the form of weird pre-made picture cards, and you have to guess based on the things in the picture. It’s quite fun, and works surprisingly well online!

        1. Dr.KMnO4*

          I have the IRL version of Mysterium and everyone I’ve played it with loves it! I can see how it would work well online too. Definitely seconding this recommendation.

        2. Marion Ravenwood*

          Ooh, I love Mysterium! Might have to suggest this to my boyfriend – we’d normally have regular board game nights with his flatmates but lockdown has put paid to that for the time being, so this could be a good alternative. Thanks for the tip!

    13. Djuna*

      Finally bought Disco Elysium and I’m enjoying it.
      I also played Sayonara Wild Hearts, and it was lovely.

      1. Purt’s Peas*

        I loved Disco Elysium. It’s such a strange game—it’s so funny, but there are so many genuinely difficult choices that I still think about.

    14. Nicki Name*

      I got as far as Chapter 6 in Fire Emblem: Three Houses, then restarted the game because I finally felt like I knew approximately what I was doing. Still sticking with Golden Deer for now.

    15. Finny*

      Husband-person is playing the new Animal Crossing now that we finally tracked down a copy. He seems to be enjoying it.

      Me, I’m stuck in the original Shantae (while waiting impatiently for Seven Sirens and hoping I can get the physical version from Limited Run Hames). I’m in the bit right before the boss, but can’t seem to get through, as I can’t control the harpy very well at all, and I keep dying as the spider, too.

      Still love the Shantae games, though. Half-Genie Hero is the only one I’ve yet to play.

    16. Kyrielle*

      Animal Crossing is so, so blissfully calm. I always expect to be bored, but it’s so nice to have that. We have some Mario games too, but I’m just…not interested in anything more exciting than AC or a hidden-object game or the like, right now.

      Roleplaying-wise we are playing Spectaculars, which does a lot of the thinking for all of us as far as storyline and characters, while still giving us a lot of control. But much easier than “just create from scratch, have fun!”

      1. Lavender Menace*

        Yeah, I have found myself unmotivated to play anything involved or even super exciting right now. AC came out at exactly the right time.

    17. Lavender Menace*

      I’m playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons. I love it! I started playing Animal Crossing in the New Leaf era and the aimlessness of the game bored me after a while. New Horizons has just enough milestones to reach through the NookMiles program to keep me a little more hooked. Not to mention that it is super soothing to play at this particular point in time! I can play it in 20 minute intervals if I want to.

      Eventually I will go back to playing Persona 5. Also on my backlog is Fire Emblem: Three Houses. It’s intriguing.

    18. Emily*

      I can’t play Animal Crossing (no Switch), but I’ve gotten back into Stardew Valley! I have a goat now, which is very exciting.

      I also restarted the original Half-Life last week; the jury’s still out on whether I’ll replay the entire game or lose steam. I’m a mediocre gamer at best, and pretty fickle in my attentions, so it could take a while.

    19. Chylleh*

      Animal Crossing is so wholesome. You really grow attached to some of your villagers. I was running across the island and heard someone “singing” and tracked it down to my villager Katt. It was a warm, sunny day and she was standing under a tree just singing a cut little song in the animal babble style.

      A little later I ran to the plaza and noticed Katt and Rodeo, the bull, singing the same song together. Rodeo babbled in a normal time by I noticed Katt made meow skins while singing notes. It was adorable and a fun attention to detail.

    20. Quoth the Raven*

      I’m about to start a second playthrough for Red Dead Redemption 2, which is my favourite game ever. I definitely need it, as heartbreaking at the game can be (and also, since my mum is staying home and has always been curious about it, I figured I might as well play it through with her).

      I played the demo for Resident Evil 3 yesterday, too. I’m very curious about it, but I think I’ll probably wait a bit before I play it because I definitely do not need any more tension right now.

      1. Gatomon*

        I’m on my first playthrough (still) but rededicating myself to it instead of obsessing over the news. They really did a fantastic job with this game. Just relocated to the camp outside Rhoades.

        1. Quoth the Raven*

          I hope you enjoy it! It’s seriously the only game I’ve ever played that I can honestly say changed my life.

    21. Dr. KMnO4*

      Playing both AC:NH and Doom Eternal, with a hefty side dose of Destiny 2.

      AC:NH – I love the Nook Miles program and the crafting. I love the pace of the game, the customization of items, and the tool ring. The in-house storage is amazing, and it’s nice to have more inventory slots. I don’t love that there’s no indicator on item durability. I’m okay with my items breaking, but I’d like to have a better idea of when it’s going to happen. I also wish that it had a way to tell exactly where your tool will hit, like Stardew Valley does. Overall it’s a very therapeutic game when I’m feeling stressed and I quite enjoy it.

      Doom Eternal – Very, very good game. The shooting feels amazing, the flamethrower is so cool, the super shotgun that pulls you to demons is a ton of fun, the dash move is great, and the demon weak points are very helpful. The difficulty is adjustable mid-level which is nice. I don’t like the platforming, though. I’m not very good at platforming in general and it feels out of place in a Doom game. Also, this game is DIFFICULT. Not Dark Souls level difficult, but you certainly won’t be a stranger to death even on the lower difficulty levels. I love how the game encourages you to use every mechanic to survive and mobility is prioritized. It is not a cover-based shooter and I’m happy about that. (There’s nothing inherently wrong with cover-based shooters, I just don’t like them very much.)

      Destiny 2 – My husband and his friend introduced me to this game around Halloween and I really got into it around mid-November. Now I play it much more than they do. Last night I played a game mode I’d never tried before with a friend of a friend helping me out and things went pretty well. He’s much more active in the game so now I have a new group of people to play with. I like the shooting in D2 quite a lot, it’s not quite as good imo as Doom, but it’s fun nonetheless. There are a lot of different weapons and ways to play, which I like. The base game is F2P, so if anybody wants to try it out on PC I’d be happy to join you and help out. Just reply to this post and we can figure out how to meet up in game.

    22. Chinook*

      I am working through the Yakuza series and am currently on Yakuza 5 (all Playstation). It is like Grand Theft Auto in its play style onky with a btter plot and the women have personalities and depth. One of the main characters in Yakuza 5 is a 16 year old girl and you do dance battles and have to make friends. It is lots of fun without the ick factor.

      DH and I are also using Nintendo’s Ring Fit and it gives a great workout. DH workouts as a hobby and it makes him sweat yet me, with lower fitness level, still gets a manageable workout (it i single player). DH has upped his character past 100 and gone past level 10 (he got it for Christmas) and is yet to be disappointed. Our 3 year old nephew and his postpartum mom also have one and have found that it works fo both. If you are stuck inside, it is a great workout that gamefys the workout enough to make you want to play just 5 minutes more.

    23. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I am debating WoW Classic. I started playing in Vanilla, straight from release, and loved up through Wrath of the Lich King, but pretty much everything since then has totally left me cold. But I guess now they’re making noises about adding a Burning Crusade option to Classic, and that makes me very nostalgic.

  4. Junior Dev*

    I have sciatica again. It’s messing me up. Last time I had it it lasted 8 months and was very limiting and sunk me into a depression. My mental health has not been good these last couple days, I feel impatient and fragile. And I miss seeing my friends in person—all my favorite people are immune compromised or live with people who are so they can’t even do things like walks or bike rides together.

    I don’t know when any of this will get better. I’m trying to distract myself with video games (Animal Crossing, Breath of the Wild), books (reading Bruja Born right now, it’s delightful), and phone calls and online gaming sessions with friends. But taking care of myself, including physical therapy and scheduling all this online social stuff, is starting to wear on me and I’m exhausted.

    I am so tired and I wish I could rest but everything is exhausting. And I’m already taking meds and doing therapy twice a week. I think I’m just gonna be pretty depressed til various things get better. I hate this.

    2. Garland not Andrews*

      Have you tried a capsaicin cream (it is a roll on). It helped with my mother’s sciatica. It is available over the counter in the US.

        1. Duvie*

          Late to the discussion here, but… There’re a number of different brands. Walgreen’s has a good roll-on house brand; look for it with the arthritis medications. This stuff is amazingly effective (it got me through a 7 day cruise with a hairline fracture of the glenohumeral joint) but be aware that you’ve got to commit to it before you put it on, because it doesn’t wash off. A hot shower just reactivates it and takes you back to the first moment you applied it.

    3. Dancing Otter*

      I have occasional sciatica, and something I have found – may not be relevant to your case – is that lying on my stomach aggravates it. (I am female and well-endowed, shall we say.) The exaggerated curve of the spine at the waist level is what does it, I think. Not Entirely the cause, but it definitely makes the pain worse and prolongs the episode.
      Unfortunately, I love to prop myself up on my elbows to read or browse on my tablet. All the extra free time indoors right now, I need to remember not to do that, or I will be joining you in your discomfort.
      On the other hand, lying quite flat and relaxed with a purring cat on the small of my back is absolutely the best pain relief ever! If only my feline colleague would take requests….

      1. Not So NewReader*

        This.

        I have several problems especially with my lower back. The doc told me to sleep on my back or side. It took me a good year to quit sleeping on my stomach entirely, as sleeping on my stomach gives me the best sleep.

        To remind myself not to sleep on my stomach, I put a pillow in front of me when laying on my side. It was enough to catch myself trying to stomach sleep.

        The doc explained that it causes the spine to curve too much, as DO is saying and then other problems start.

    4. Natalie*

      May not be possible at the moment but if you’ve never had a surgical consult that could be worthwhile. My husband’s persistent sciatica turned out to be caused by a pars defect in his spine. He had a spinal fusion a couple of years ago and is completely fine now.

      1. The Other Dawn*

        I agree with this. I now know that the occasional sciatica I’ve had over the years (sometimes mild, sometimes really bad) was due to a bulging disc. I had lumbar fusion this month and it’s gone, along with all the other back pain I was having for many years. That said, the sciatica came back after the first surgery and the second one, too, but it was the inflammation from all the work they did in there. They put me on a steroid pack, then gabapentin, and it’s now gone! :)

    5. Seeking Second Childhood*

      If it has flared up since you have been home, check out your shoes. A former coworker and I both have found that soft-sole shoes wear out sole first– our legs, hips & feet hurt before the shoes LOOK worn out. It’s consistent enough that I’m starting to look for hard-so OK e shoes. If I have to go to menswear I will.

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        And the reason I said if it’s since our stay-at-home process started, is because my house flippers started doing the same thing to me on the 3rd Day wearing them. Weekends fine two weeks at home not so fine.

      2. WoodswomanWrites*

        I second the comment about checking your shoes. I had a problem that flared up and realized I’d been wearing the same shoes every day for a couple years. They looked okay on the outside but their internal structure was worn out. Once I got new shoes, the problem went away. I’ve had sciatica and I know how uncomfortable it can be.

        I’ve had sciatica and I know it’s painful. Does walking help? If so, noving in the outdoors can really help mental health. I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling and wish you well!

      3. Remote Technical Writer*

        Replying to say that Vionic slippers have a hard sole and arch support. I wear them every day at home and have not had knee/hip/back trouble like before I started wearing them (and doing PT).

    6. Jane of all Trades*

      I’m so sorry! I know exactly what you mean – for various reasons I have not been able to see my friends at all, and although we have all been in touch through video calls and the like I have felt lonely and stressed. And the present situation is so mentally exhausting.
      I don’t really have any solutions – the things I have been trying to do to feel better include walls, working on the house and in the yard, especially when it’s sunny, and making sure my space is a comfortable as possible (blankets, regular tidying, scented candles). Obviously they don’t fix the underlying issues, but it helps.
      Hugs if you want them, and hang in there, you are not alone in feeling what you are feeling!

    7. Jane*

      My mom got hers taken care of with myofascial release by someone certified with John F. Barnes. I would check around you and see if anyone is offering that. I personally like the Airrosti clinics, and have worked with someone who incorporates myofascial release with physical therapy. Best of luck to you OP.

  5. apartmentlife*

    This is a …. weird one. But wondering if anyone has suggestions for how to easily/cost effectively soundproof a rental apartment bathroom (needs to be renter friendly)? I’m in a 1940’s character suite. It’s cute, with wood floors, and lots of character. However, the washroom hasn’t been updated since the late 80’s/90’s …. and there’s no fan or window. There’s this ceiling vent thing that lets air in/out but it doesn’t make any noise.

    It’s generally fine since I live alone so can shower etc. with the door open so there’s no mold or worries there. However … when friends or my gentleman caller stays over …. I’m hoping to find a way to create a sound barrier. Usually you just turn the fan on to buffer the noise, but without that it just seems like everyone is waiting to hear the inevitable toot(s) and plop(s)… the sound just echoes throughout my fairly small 1-bed. (and then also there’s the smell, which seems easier to manage -matches, candles, air freshener, poo-pouri etc). But does anyone have ideas to mask the sounds? Sometimes I’ll awkwardly put music on …. but it only covers so much, seems really awkward sometimes, and the couch and bedroom areas are SO CLOSE to the bathroom door. HELP. I’m a nervous pooper on a good day.

      1. Ismis*

        My first thought was to get a shower radio and leave it on all the time, but it would eat batteries, so I googled and came across a motion activated sound player… If anyone questions it, you could always say that you like to sing in the shower :)

    2. MistOrMister*

      Maybe some wall hangings? If carpets muffle sound on floors surely tapestries must do the same for walls, right? Although where one finds bathroom tapestries is beyond me.

      1. Chaordic One*

        Perhaps having a fabric shower curtain would have the same or a similar effect. (The kind that would also have a separate lining.)

        1. Mid*

          That was my suggestion—cloth shower curtain and as many rugs as you can fit. Maybe extra plush towels too?

      2. c-*

        Maybe strategically placed towels and a couple bathrobes hanging from the inner face of the door would help? A Japanese-style folding screen might also be practical, to provide visual cover and muffle sound while letting the room breathe.

    3. misspiggy*

      You can get sound insulating strips to go round doors. I’d do that first, it was helpful for us. The idea is to fill in air gaps around the door. So you (or your chosen tradesperson) have to get a good idea of those gaps to specify, measure and fit the stuff so that it blocks air when the door is closed, but lets you still shut the door properly.

      1. 00ff00Claire*

        Not sure if they still make these, but I had a white nose machine once that was battery operated. I feel your pain, though. We also have a fanless bathroom, for the upstairs in our 80 year old home.

    5. AcademiaNut*

      In Japan they have speakers that play the sound of running water in public washrooms, so no one can hear what you’re doing. Maybe something like that – my husband has mentioned key chains that do the same thing.

      My solution would involve a Raspberry Pi 0, some batteries, a motion detector and a speaker, but there should be something similar pre-assembled.

    6. Sumrie*

      How long does it take you to go? If you’re pretty quick, I’d say leave the faucet running. That’s what I usually do in small apartment situations.

      1. Deanna Troi*

        I’d be pretty unhappy if a friend of mine did this is my bathroom – I would feel like they were acting entitled to think it was okay to waste a limited resource just because they felt slightly awkward. It bothers me when people leave the water running while they’re brushing my teeth.

          1. valentine*

            I’d be pretty unhappy if a friend of mine did this is my bathroom
            It’s apartmentlife’s bathroom, and I’m thinking they want their guests to do the thing, too.

            But accepting that everybody poops and we just don’t comment is going to serve you best, long-term. Your gentleman hasn’t said anything, right?

    7. Inspector Gadget*

      Turn on a white noise app on your phone while you’re in there. And/or plug in a white noise machine in the hallway. I like the fabric shower curtain idea. You could also take measures to soundproof the other rooms with wall hangings and insulating strips around the doors.

    8. HQB*

      Is there an outlet near the bathroom? Plug in a fan or white noise machine, leave it as close to the bathroom door as you can. When you go into the bathroom, pause and turn on the device. When you come out, turn it off.

      1. Not A Girl Boss*

        Yeah, agreed. Doesn’t have to be IN the bathroom.
        We have an air purifier which provides a good amount of white noise.

    9. Duvie*

      You don’t want the white noise/indoor fountain/music in with you, you want it out where your guest is. Develop an interest in bombastic classical music (Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries is perfect), then play it for them while you escape to the loo.

    10. Violet*

      This is better suited to times when toilet paper is plentiful. Putting a layer on top of the water will greatly reduce sounds and splashing. It only takes one layer in the target zone; a couple of squares ought to do it.

    11. Lavender Menace*

      What about a white noise machine in the bathroom? That’s probably a cheaper and easier solution. My husband and I bought one for sleeping off Amazon that plays like 20+ different sounds, including rain, traditional white noise, running water, and about 5 different fan sounds. You could use one that actually sounds like a fan.

      1. Lavender Menace*

        Missed that you don’t have an outlet, but you could put it nearby the bathroom OR you could use an app on your phone with a rechargeable Bluetooth speaker.

    12. Part Time Poet*

      Google sound-proofing wall panels. They come in different shapes and sizes and some can a painted. You can attach them to the ceiling and walls and can probably be cut to fit. But as others have mentioned, going to bathroom is a natural body function.

    13. Chinook*

      Something like Poopouri can help with smell. You spray before you go and the film on the water traps smell when anything falls below the barrier.

      As for the sound, soundproofing around the door and fabric on the outer wall will help muffle.

  6. Buzzbattlecat*

    Is anyone else still playing Best Fiends? I have stopped a few times but always go back. My pattern-loving brain finds it very soothing! (Apart from the music, I play silently).
    The internal consistency and predictable building is a great mental escape for me.
    Have to say a belated thanks Allison!

    1. Not anymore*

      I had to remove it from my devices. I loved playing it, but I played it way too much. I think about it from time to time, especially when I hear a commercial for it, but I still can’t trust myself.

    2. bassclefchick*

      I just started this week. But, I put it on my tablet, not my phone. Hopefully that will curb me from playing too much. And it just sucks the battery life on my Kindle, so I get forced to stop. Love it, though!

    3. Elizabeth West*

      I am! It’s on both my phone and my Kindle, but I mostly play on the phone. I refuse to pay for anything in-game, so I watch a lot of ads to earn diamonds and mites, lol.

      It frustrated me when I started getting higher up, so I quit for a while. But then I discovered if I grind through a level enough times, it will reward me by giving me a more favorable board so I can win and thus keep playing (and I guess they hope I’ll buy something). I also start to see how to best win the level. So instead of getting frustrated, I’m just enjoying it.

      I keep the sound on but low. I like the little noises the game makes. I also like the “Well done!” when I win a level. :)

      1. Buzzbattlecat*

        I’m in Tasmania, so I went to sleep as you all woke up:)
        Yeah I stop when I get too addicted haha but I’m up in the 600 levels and there’s a sunk cost now!
        Elizabeth West yes I refuse to pay also, I’ve had the same experience with the very hard levels. If I leave the game for an hour or so and come back, it usually lets me through.

    1. Marthooh*

      Well, actually… all cats have been scientifically proven to be the same size as every other cat. The apparent difference here is simply a result of the Müller-Lyer illusion, with tucked-in or spraddled-out legs taking the place of in-or-out arrowheads.

      3. Elizabeth West*

        My friend who teaches at a nursing school has three cats. A grey tabby, a Cornish Rex, and a Maine Coon. The Maine Coon is much, much bigger than the other two. The Cornish Rex is smaller than the other two. Only the tabby is *normal* cat-sized.

        They’re also very photogenic. She posted pictures on Facebook the other day of each cat wearing a small felt nurse’s hat she made, with the caption “Purramedics, reporting for duty!” :D

            2. The Other Dawn*

              Thank you for sharing this! We love Maine Coons. My husband wants one very badly, but I don’t know of a Maine Coon rescue close by.

              1. SheLooksFamiliar*

                So glad you all liked the pics! I follow his Facebook page too, he posts beautiful videos and photos that don’t always make it to Instagram.

                Never met a cat I didn’t like, wish I weren’t so terribly allergic to them.

    2. KristinaL*

      I love that these kitties, who met as adults, are now comfy enough to relax next to each other.

      2. Ask a Manager* Post author

        They’re all getting along so well! Hank and Shadow both play with Wallace and Eve and snuggle with Sophie. Olive is still been more reserved with them, but she’s coming around.

          1. Ask a Manager* Post author

            Humphrey — our previous foster kitty — did a trial run with potential adopters who wanted to see if he’d get along with their other cat. It wasn’t as successful as they’d hoped, so he’s in another foster home now. (Toward the end our time fostering him, he seemed like he was getting stressed out by our youngest cats, so we wanted him to go to a calmer foster where he wouldn’t have bouncy young cats in his face all the time.)

        2. The Other Dawn*

          Is Hank part Maine Coon? I can’t remember if you mentioned it or not. With that size, he has to be at least part Maine Coon.

    3. willow for now*

      He doesn’t look larger just because he’s closer to the camera? He is a big boy! And the little one is adorable, sucking his heat like that.

  8. Wormentude*

    Can you ask for it to be turned off while you are working so it isn’t a distraction? Or at least turned to mute since most rolling news shows have the ticker tape on the bottom she can read. Then you could always take lunch to your room to avoid it then.

    From what I was reading yesterday, it looks like moving won’t be able to happen in 2 weeks (although it depends on all parties agreeing to delay the date) so it’s even more important to get some solutions at this point.

    Failing all else, I guess headphones may be the answer.

  9. MistOrMister*

    What kind of alarm clock routine’s do people’s pets have?

    My female cat does not care when wet food gets put out. Just so long as she gets her meals. We always have dry down, so that is fine for her.

    But, my male!! He knows breakfast is at 5 so every morning he’s walking on me, batting my face, butting the covers, etc. If he comes in early I will tell him how much time is left until breakfast. Usually that stops him for a while. But some days I have to threaten to throw him out the window he’s so insistent (this doesn’t stop him, but it makes me feel better). Then, at lunch time. More face batting, finger nibbles, hovering like Snoopy in vulture mode. And THEN at 4pm for dinner…same thing again! I can set my clock by his glares and hair pulling!

    1. Wander*

      Most of my cats don’t care, though a few can be found standing politely in my bedroom if I snooze my alarm too much. One though has turned into a monster over the years. I know she used to be time oriented, because her falling asleep on my shoes was the only consistently good part of the spring-ahead daylight savings time for me. Somehow this turned into the expectation that she gets fed every time I sleep. Nap time? Time to yell. Lay down for 20 minutes with a headache? Food! Food! Food! Spouse got up first and already fed her? Irrelevant; now I’m up and she expects more. We have food down all the time, but she wants to see it poured, I guess. She’s a social eater.

      She doesn’t do anything more than meow loudly though at least, and most days she waits until at least one foot has appeared over the side of the bed.

    2. Retail not Retail*

      My sister’s cat would walk on my hair and if I groaned and pulled the blanket or pillow over my face, she’d head south. I’m a woman so I’ll leave the rest to your imagination, but suffice to say she hits the chest, I get up.

      My mom’s dog is more about walks than breakfast and dinner. If she gets an afternoon/evening walk, dinner is 5:30-6. If she doesn’t and we forget, she doesn’t start crying until almost 7! Her life is walks. I come home and change out of work clothes, she’s up my butt. We once said, “Use your words” when she was dancing and she did. Walk! Now!

      Oh no it’s so windy that’s why she came and snuggled with me just now (upstairs is safer?), but baby I have work.

    3. StellaBella*

      At 6 a.m. if I am not up to give her food my cat scratches the cloth chair cover I have in my bedroom.
      I have tried moving the chair, moving a scratching post by that area, etc. Does not matter. Sigh.

    4. Retail not Retail*

      Again, these aren’t “pets” they’re “wild animals,” BUT one sea lion in particular starts barking about 30 minutes before the show schedule, it’s hilarious. We can tell time by the animal noises – it’s not 11 yet, she’s still barking. I discovered the bears adjust to their public feeding time real fast and they chill in the water below where the keepers toss the fish. That’s not happening right now and I went walking by to see them. Said aw, you’re in the water. He got out and lumbered over to me before sitting up on his haunches. Fish? Fish? You got the fish?

      1. tangerineRose*

        It sounds like the sea lion likes the show and is excited about it? Maybe because of the treats?

        Does your zoo have any lemurs?

    5. mreasy*

      I have a 6 am (630 if I’m lucky) extreme wake up campaign by my very large male cat, that involves jumping on me, pawing at and licking my face, etc. And dinnertime is 6 pm, but now that we’re home all day, he starts his campaign around 4 – which has resulted in some fun guest appearances in my work video meetings.

    6. 00ff00Claire*

      Our small dog sleeps in her own bed in our room. She used to wake up and start whining in the mornings, and we thought that meant she wants to get up for the day. Then one day, for some reason we let her in the bed with us after she started whining. She promptly burrowed under the covers and went back to sleep :) So now we’ve settled into that routine. When she hears the first alarm (of several, we do the whole snooze thing), she wakes up and waits to be put on the bed. Then she goes back to sleep curled up by one of us. Eventually, she gets the bed to herself as we shower, get ready, etc. She’s lazy; she doesn’t care about being up – she just wants some snuggles and then the bed to herself!

    7. GoryDetails*

      My three are pretty well-behaved; if I don’t get up quite as early as usual, they’ll just perch on the bed (or on me) until I do. But I don’t get the round of face-patting and yowling that some of my previous cats would use. (My late, lamented Raffles would sit in the bedroom doorway and give out a single loud mew, clearly a summons to prepare breakfast as he was usually very quiet. Then when I raised my head he’d turn and whisk himself down the hallway, fluffy tail high… I miss him.)

    8. Pucci*

      Mine aren’t pushy about getting their morning wet food, probably because they also get their medicine then too. However, now that I’m home all day, they start boring holes in me with their eyes at 4:00 wanting their evening wet food. They sit there and stare, without blinking. It’s creepy.

    9. Loopy*

      My dog will let me sleep until maybe 7:15 on a weekend even IF he’s let out late late late at night. It’s not about having to go out, it’s about daylight. When it’s light out he just says okay up, time for walk and breakfast. If I really want the extra sleep I have to give him a short 5-10 minute walk+breakfast and crawl back into bed.

    10. Thankful for AAM*

      My fur baby (dog) is happy to sleep in, to a point. If he wants his breakfast, he will “dance” on the fake wood floors so that his nails make noise. If that does not work, he will go into full cat mode; he sits inches from my face and stares, then makes gentle pokes with a paw on my cheek.

    11. MissDisplaced*

      My female cat is like yours. She’s in the bed, trying to wake up mommy around 6:30 every morning, bumping, stepping on my stomach (she’s figured out I will get up to pee if she does that) and otherwise acting like my furry alarm clock!
      My chonky boi cat doesn’t care when the food bowls go down.

    12. Jonah*

      I have a 14 year old chow, and as she’s gotten older, she can’t hold it as long. So we go out at 10-10:30 right before bed, and then she wakes me up like clockwork at 6:15 to go out. She doesn’t worry as much about when food goes down, but if I forget to refill her water bowl at night before bed, she is sure to let me know by running full speed back and forth between me and her bowl.

    13. Lora*

      My younger dog (4 years old) finally got tired of me yelling and squirting him with the spray bottle when he barks in my face at 5AM…so now he very quietly sticks his tongue up my nose instead.

      He’s not dumb, he’s just stubborn. Breed characteristic.

    14. Jaid*

      She knows when it’s time for me to get up and when I’m supposed to sleep. She uses me as a climbing rock in the morning and then meows at me at night.

      These days have been a little troublesome for her…LOL

    15. Weyrwoman*

      my cat Tari will come running when my morning alarm clock goes off and jump on my chest for her morning pets. If I’m actually waking up with the first alarm, this means she gets to curl up on me and have some morning cuddles.
      She also thinks dinner time is anytime after 4pm, despite the fact that I have only ever fed her when I get home from work, which is always after 5:30p. Now that we’re all stuck at home though, it’s been closer to 5p.
      I’ve also taken on a foster kitty named Bandit. He’s slowly adjusting to the schedule, and the early phases of Galaxy’s guide for introducing cats are going well. I’m hoping that by mid-April I’ll be able to have both cats out together.

    16. Deanna Troi*

      When I moved out from my parents’ house and got my first apartment, my mother gave me the best advice in the world: NEVER feed a cat in the morning, especially canned food, because they will wake you up for it. I leave plenty of dry food out overnight, but I only give canned food in the evening. I know it’s too late for you, MistOrMister, but perhaps someone else will see this and save themselves if they get cats in the future.

      1. MistOrMister*

        I wouldn’t want my cats to have to go all day waiting for food. My mom did the evening only feeding for their last dog for years, and I hated seeing it!! Also, it helps having the cat alarm. I don’t set an alarm clock, my boy always waked me up so I have time to exercise….or get back in bed for a wee bit more shut eye. The only real downside is daylight savings in the fall. I tried explaining it, but it took at least 2 weeks for him to stop smacking me around at 4am.

        1. Jackalope*

          Well, you don’t leave them hungry all day. You just make sure they have enough dry food that they can eat that all day and then give them wet food before bed so they aren’t waking you up. Which if you like the wake-up call it’s fine to have them do that but it’s something that can be gotten around if you don’t.

    17. Seeking Second Childhood*

      All these comments have me thinking that when we get pets, we are going to feed them as we leave the house. Not when we first get up. That way we can still get an extra 50 minutes of sleep!

    18. Minta*

      I blame myself. Somehow I trained my very-food-driven cat that I will give him his heart pill and fill his feeder for the day at 5am.

      Every darn morning, he sits on the nightstand and gently taps me on the shoulder with his paw (like I did when I was a kid and had a nightmare, which is hilarious).

      If I ignore him, he taps me on the shoulder a with a little more pressure. If I ignore him further, he taps progressively harder and eventually introduces a little bit of claw.

      By that time, I’m annoyed, awake, and aware that I have to pee anyway, so I begrudgingly get up and further reinforce his bad behavior. It messes up my mornings so badly. I really need to fix it.

      1. Lavender Menace*

        The mental image of your cat calmly tapping you on the shoulder, then becoming increasingly insistent as time passes, is cracking me up right now.

        1. Minta*

          It’s the cutest darn thing, and it amazes me he figured out how (and cares enough to) start out gently and work his way up. I mean…

    19. old curmudgeon*

      We’re usually up by 5:30 or so on weekdays, and all three cats find that sufficiently prompt that they don’t nag us Monday through Friday.

      However, if we try to sleep past about 6:00 on Saturday and Sunday, or on a holiday, well. Then all bets are off.

      Finn, our old guy, will perch on the pillow next to my face or next to my spouse’s face, rumbling thunderously with the “anticipatory purr” that cats use to tell you how happy and excited they are that you are going to feed them. If that hint doesn’t work, he’ll start licking our hands. Then he’ll move on to licking our faces. Between the whiskers tickling and the sandpaper tongue scratching, that’s usually pretty effective.

      Smudgely, one of the youngsters, has a different approach. We have hardwood floors that create a satisfying crash when something lands on the floor. And my dresser is across the room from the bed (i.e. out of arm’s reach). So Smudgely will hop up on the dresser and walk along the edge, casually knocking off my hairbrush, box of bobby pins, hand cream, whatever he finds, and after each crash, he looks over at the bed as if to say “did that work? Nope, their eyes are still closed, on to the next one.” It generally doesn’t take long for that to get us out of bed.

      Peanut, the other youngster and the smallest of the three, has his own strategy. To paraphrase Shakespeare, though he be little, he is yet fierce, and he likes to demonstrate that by pouncing on the other two cats for an impromptu wrestling match – preferably when said cats are cuddled up on the bed with us. A noisy squabble on my pillow between Peanut and Smudgely, or between Peanut and Finn, is pretty much guaranteed to wake both of us up to separate them and to exile Peanut to the basement. And since the basement door is in the kitchen, well, once we’re up, might as well start coffee and get the catfood out.

      So we don’t sleep in much on the weekends.

    20. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

      My dog is not an alarm clock. He will sleep in as long as I do and usually about 30 minutes longer.

      Meals are based around activities – he knows breakfast comes after going out the first time in the morning and that dinner happens right after we eat our meal. As in right after – no lingering at the table allowed.

      (He has many other “issues” but luckily sleep is not one of them.)

      1. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

        He is also very likely to go right back to sleep after breakfast for a while. And he is not old – he’s always been like this.

    21. Panthera uncia*

      Pets are NOT allowed in our bedroom. Frankly, it’s a safety issue, and I recommend everyone else do the same. My husband almost lost an eye to one of our cats back in the early aughts, when she unexpectedly jumped on his face while we were sleeping. (We think she was chasing a bug.) She tore open his eyelid.

      So, our cats beat on the bedroom door and howl to their heart’s content in the morning. They get worse during the time change since they judge by daylight, but they get fed at the same time no matter how much they scream.

    22. Count Boochie Flagrante*

      Lady Scamper has learned what it sounds like when I turn my alarm off instead of snoozing it, and she races to the bathroom door so I’ll pet her before I go in to shower. She requires attention before my day is permitted to start in any fashion.

    23. Reliquary*

      We actually use alarms!

      Our cat was overweight from free-feeding and treats (he’s very food-motivated), and our vet advised us to transition him to wet food, fed on a schedule.

      We decided to go with meals three times a day, because that works for us. A two-meal schedule isn’t optimal for our cat, because he will scarf down an entire can of cat food very quickly and promptly barf it right back up. But the three-meal schedule works really well.

      When the alarms ring (at 7:30 am, 3:30 pm, and 11:30 pm), he races at top speed into the kitchen, and hops on a kitchen stool to watch his servants put the wet food into his bowl. When it’s in the bowl, he dashes to his feeding mat and meows until it is placed right in front of him. He’s hilarious!

      1. Reliquary*

        And he also lost 4 pounds — which means he’s only slightly chonky now. He gets treats again!

    24. Lavender Menace*

      Mercifully, I actually wake up before my dog most days. I wake up pretty early (around 5:30-6) and she usually stays still until I stir.

      Weekends, though? If I try to sleep in, she’ll start by waking up and just laying in the bed with me. Then she’ll get up and start pacing, and then maybe a bit of whining. If I’m *really* sleeping in late, she’ll jump up and try to lick my face or paw at me.

      The kicker is that my husband is the one who walks her and feeds her in the morning. She just focuses 70% of her energy on me.

    25. That Girl from Quinn's House*

      My cat starts lobbying for breakfast at the same time every day, when my husband gets up. She likes to wake us up by scratching the mattress and knocking his tissue box off his nightstand and pulling all the tissues out.

      If that doesn’t wake you up, she will escalate to climbing in bed with you and meowing in your face and scratching the pillow next to your head, and the headboard behind you.

      She also requires company while eating, so if you give her food and sneak back into bed to go back to sleep, she will NOT have it, and will resume nagging at you until you get up and dote upon her while she eats.

    26. Sleepless*

      I’ve had a long hard work week (essential service, and wow has it been busy). I didn’t sleep well last night. The 80 pound pit bull decided I needed to be up at my normal workday time of 5:50. Kind of hard to ignore when she jumps WHAM onto the bed. I guess it’s better than her peeing on the hallway carpet when she decides I’m not getting up, which is the other thing that happens sometimes.

  10. Jdc*

    My dog makes sure I know it’s time to wake up by 6am no later. She calms down a bit I’m the winter, probably because she’s all snuggled and warm in bed and doesn’t want to get up, but I’m sure it’ll be happening again soon. My internal clock is a normal 5 or 6 am depending on the season too, which sometimes drives me nuts. I will wake up at 5 am on a Saturday even if I only had a couple hours or sleep and we wide awake. Grrrr. Let me sleep sometimes body. I sometimes take a nap when that happens but I’m an awful napper. I wake up cranky as heck and it takes maybe an hour for me to come out of it. I truly wish I could just be one of those people who can take a nap and wake refreshed. I try to set an alarm to limit the time, and usually only sleep another 45 mins regardless but once I set the alarm I can’t fall asleep either.

  11. Break Up In Quarantine*

    My friend Kari has been with her boyfriend Mike for at least two years now, maybe longer. They’re living in a rented apartment together (not sure under whose name). Lately Kari has been unhappy and has been thinking of moving on (she wants marriage and kids, he doesn’t; she likes to go out and do things; he prefers to stay home, smoke weed, and play video games; different religions are causing tension). I’ve always supported her in whatever makes her happy, whether with him or not.

    Last night, she called and told me she was ready to leave and move on. Any other time, I would have said come over, crash on my couch to get some space from him while you figure things out, that kind of thing. But with the quarantine happening, she’s kinda stuck. Our state isn’t at shelter in place right now but Kari does not feel comfortable looking for a place of her own right now. We’re all practicing the social distancing so she can’t stay with friends and family right now.

    She’s not in any physical danger from Michael, otherwise I would have said forget the isolation and get over here; she’s just unhappy. I think being stuck together drove home some things she was already in the fence about. The only thing I could say was try to ride things out for a few more weeks and then start the break up process as things start getting back to normal. She agreed with my thoughts but still sounded frustrated, understandably. Any thoughts or advice I could give her?

    1. Agnodike*

      There’s no guarantee this will be only “a few more weeks.” Getting stuck in an apartment without someone you want to break up with sounds appalling. Could she look into something like a furnished apartment or short-stay rental with the aim of moving to a permanent place in the summer or fall?

    2. Llellayena*

      The idea behind social distancing/shelter in place is to limit how many people you come into contact with. If you can stand to be stuck in the house with her for several weeks while she’s getting over a relationship, whether she shelters with you or him seems a bit irrelevant to me. The actual moving out process might be the worst of it since you can’t get a bunch of friends together to help. Not saying it’s the best solution, but it’s something to consider.

      1. tiasp*

        This, unless there’s some reason that you couldn’t/wouldn’t have her with you. We’re social distancing, but I’m still living with my spouse and children.

        1. tiasp*

          I did read that as your daughter, not your friend. I see that’s not the same as bringing home your child.

      2. Dan*

        It’s not just the number of physical people one person comes into contact with. OP says they’re not in lock down, so her friend can presumably go out and be in contact with others and bring those “germs” back to OP’s crib, which certainly doesn’t foster the goals of social distancing.

      3. Not A Girl Boss*

        Yeah, I agree. Personally (I’m in a low risk group) I’d be willing to “risk” one person who has been distancing (and will continue distancing after) relocating to my home. I get that everyone has to make their own choices, but that sounds very low risk to me.

    3. Misty*

      I don’t know if she wants to do this or even has the resources to do this but in my area airbnb is super cheap right now and a lot of them are individual places (so you wouldn’t be sharing a bathroom, room, or even house with anyone else).

    4. Dancing Otter*

      No reason not to start online apartment hunting right away. Yes, eventually you have to physically visit a place before deciding, but there’s a lot of searching and winnowing out before you reach that stage, isn’t there?
      And spring cleaning is an excellent excuse to do some de-cluttering, which is always the first step before actually packing to move. Or is that just me?

      1. Third or Nothing!*

        Oh man every time I move I take several carloads of stuff to the local resale shop to donate.

    5. Dan*

      My question is what does “does not feel comfortable looking for a place of her own right now” really mean. Kari is responsible for her own happiness, and if she no longer wants to live with her boyfriend, it’s not other peoples’ responsibility to satisfy her desires.

      Side note/rant: NOTHING about COVID-19 is comfortable, full stop. (I live in a 1 bedroom apartment and have to WFH at the moment. NO WAY IN HELL am I adding to this mix unless someone close to me is going to be homeless.)

    6. Actual Vampire*

      In my area, there are a lot of students who have gone home to their parents’ houses and are trying to sublet their apartments (normal apartments, not school-owned) for the rest of the semester. That might be a resource for Kari to look into if there is a university nearby. She can look on Craigslist or search “[university name]+Housing/Sublets/Roommates” on Facebook.

  12. I edit everything*

    My mother and her two cats moved in with my family this week, and we moved my father to a nursing home near my house. They used to live a 6-hour drive away. It’s comforting to have them closer, but a big change to our household. No sparks yet–I expect them after another week or so. We have a good relationship, but my mom and Edits Nothing have very similar personality types, and they grate up against each other sometimes. And I think probably Dad will be joining us in our little house soon, since he’s not quite sick enough to stay at the nursing home.

    We have to figure out how to get to their house for more of their stuff to bring back, in this time of pandemic, find home health care for Dad, if he does come home, and dig our nails in until the shelter-in-place order is lifted so they can move into the assisted living place they’ve chosen. And hope that the moment he gets out of the nursing home, he doesn’t end up back in the hospital two days later, which has happened the last two times.

    I’m a little stressed, and though corona is making everything harder, I think it’s actually the least of my stressors right now. No question. Just dumping

    1. Dancing Otter*

      My grandmother moved in with us when I was ten. Having seen the effect on my parents’ marriage, I have to say: make a deliberate effort to spend time with just the two of you, to maintain a good relationship.
      If there’s friction between your spouse and your parents, always be sympathetic to spouse’s viewpoint, at least publicly. Argue it out in private, if necessary. By which I do NOT mean saying, “She’s always been this way. Could you just suck it up and not make my life more difficult, for G**‘s sake?”
      But then Grandma had always had a reputation in the extended family as a troublemaker. I hope your situation will be better.

  13. Pusheen*

    I’m not sure if this is work or non work related, but I lost my job yesterday so….finding ways to cope with having lots of free time.. not really a corona related post i think.

    When we were ordered to WFH 2 weeks ago, I made a list of everything I would do, such as face masks or update my pictures library etc (things that wouldn’t interfere with work).

    With more time, I’d play with my makeup, clean the nursery room, organize my closet, read my backlog of books (funnily I’ve hoarded up on books over the years that I never got around to reading and many that I could re-read as if they were new).

    In better times, I “fantasized” that if and when I wasn’t working, I’d:
    exercise a lot more
    learn to sew
    pick up painting again (I used to paint/draw until after college)
    cook fun creative meals like I used to
    play with my makeup, clean the nursery room, organize my closet, read my backlog of books (while most ppl were hoarding TP etc, I was hoarding books over the years – no regrets).

    Now that I am on a very limited income, I don’t want to spend money on sewing or painting supplies (the latter were expensive AF in 2004 I’m not sure about now) and tbh Im not sure if I can even paint while pregnant (the fumes — but I’m speculating, I didn’t research this).

    When I lost my job in 2013, the best (nonwork related) thing I did for myself was have fun with cooking and exercise. I was in the best shape of my life and the slimmest I’d ever been. I couldn’t afford a gym membership at that time so I know it isn’t necessary to exercise. But now – my gym is closed down and I have no room or space to really exercise in the home. Being under quarantine I can’t go for leisurely walks either. Cookingwise, I share a kitchen with my mother and….that’s a whole other issue.

    Maybe these are all my own mental blocks and I should just get over myself. Looking back I should be honest and say that while exercise was the best thing I could do in my downtime, I was also in bed depressed for 2 weeks before I finally pulled myself out of it.

    Anyways I’m just rambling, TLDR I have a lot to fill my time with but I can’t get over that “hump” of being stressed over my situation and just wanting to stay in bed and or browse social media.

    1. Ranon*

      Exercise wise- do you have room for a yoga mat on the floor? There are plenty of at home programs (Momma Strong is one I like and it had pregnancy and postpartum programs too, there are others) that don’t take much space or specialty equipment. A few endorphins may help, as much as anything can.

    2. Lena Clare*

      Hi there! You’ve been through a lot, and are still going through things that are different now – be kind to yourself :)

      Joe Wicks on YouTube has an exercise class every morning at 9.30 a.m.
      If you can do yoga, Yoga With Adriene is also very good.

      Do what you can, be kind to yourself, and rest too. All the best!

      1. Sally Mae Fanny Mac*

        Last week this poster got angry at the person who supported them using information they posted under their “regular” user name as opposed to their “anonymous” one. It is upsetting to her. Just wanted to give you a heads up in case you didn’t know.

        1. Lena Clare*

          Thanks for the heads up, but was this meant to be for me? I’m not sure I understand if so.

    3. WellRed*

      I hear a lot of mental blocks here. Are you actually forbidden from walking outside? Can you do an online exercise class? Can you substitute drawing for painting (I realize they are not the same). Get some inexpensive water colors (no fumes)?

      1. Pusheen*

        But my family members are extremely worried about everything and I’m pregnant and diabetic so I’m double vulnerable and I’m scared of getting sick and anything happening to the baby. Under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be an issue.

        Water colors sound nice. I used to do acrylics on canvases back then. Totally forgot about watercolors and adult coloring books. Thanks for the suggestion!

        1. fposte*

          I can understand that your family members are worried. How dense is the foot traffic if you just walk around the block? Can you do it early in the morning or late at night when there’s less people? As long as you keep a solid distance, outdoors isn’t unsafe, and it’s better for you and the baby to get some movement.

        2. Not So NewReader*

          Perhaps you can speak with your doc to find out what is best for you. While I do believe we can listen to our family/friends to get ideas of how to help ourselves, I am not sure that family members’ fears are the best health guide.

        3. Wombats and Tequila*

          Where I am, the rules are that you can only go out for essential activities–but going for walks and runs is considered an essential activity. Hence I’ve been keeping up with a regimen of 10,000 steps a day. It is necessary for my mental health and I simply can’t exercise for very long periods of time indoors or in front of people.

          Being very stressed out worsens your blood sugar levels due to the release of cortisol, yes? In the other hand, regular exercise is very helpful for anxiety and depression, and lowers blood sugar levels. This is about making sure baby is ok.

          I don’t know what kinds of control your family exerts over you. If they are physically abusive, then do what you must to survive. If they exert relentless pressure and guilt trips, that can be very difficult, especially if they have trained you to let them dominate you. Such people push back hard if they sense you are being independent, but if you escalate enough and refuse to back down, they may learn to deal with it.

          I too am a huge people pleaser, but certain things are non negotiable for me, and until my government imposes an Italian style lockdown, I am going out to walk in the fresh air as I please. COVID-19 doesn’t fall out of the sky onto you like rain. It comes from a virus that is transmitted from other people.

          1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

            The rules are the same in my state and my friends who live in the same state have gone outside to walk/run without any issues. No physical abuse, just a….very very very overprotective mother who’s 24/7 complaining. Sometimes its easy to ignore, other times it’s not. My diabetes is OK, my latest blood report came back with the lowest A1c it’s ever been but I agree, walking outside is the bare minimum I can do to lift my mood and make sure baby is OK.

    4. MissDisplaced*

      I don’t understand why you can’t go for walks or runs? Are you in the city? I live in the suburbs and we can go outside to get exercise and walks even under the shelter in place rule.

      1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        I could do that when the weather gets warmer. Haven’t been able to tolerate the cold very well this season.

    5. Overeducated*

      I’m sorry. If I were you I’d take some time to wallow in bed and be depressed before trying to get over the mental blocks and cook and exercise. It’s okay to feel really bad for a week or two until you get tired of it.

      1. Inspector Gadget*

        I came here to say this particularly. It’s ok to mourn your job and your expectations of having time off. Being pregnant does a number on your mood. You’ll bounce back; it’s ok to give yourself some time to wallow.

        1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

          Thank you for the words. I’m a little worried about how wallowing/being stressed out will be affecting my baby. :( Everyone says during pregnancy to not stress out, stress hurts the baby etc. I mean….it’s not realistic to be happy 100% of the time but the more positive and less sad I can be the better.

          1. Overeducated*

            I think the stress here comes from the pandemic and job loss, not your coping mechanisms, and being sad does not hurt babies as far as i have read. If you spend a week in bed scrolling and playing phone games, that’s just a form of coping/stress relief, not a cause of stress. Whatever works for you though!

          2. 'Tis Me*

            I will say, I spent most of my first pregnancy feeling rather stressed (my marriage wasn’t in the greatest place and I was convinced that the new baby stress would break us entirely… As it was, it was more like it reset a switch that needed resetting). By stressed, I’m talking telling my manager that it would be better off having a phone call about something with a different department without me if possible because I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t swear at a particular somebody. And it was only the knowledge that the pelvic girdle pain making me limp (also being 5’2″) would completely spoil the effect from indulging in road rage, slamming on my brakes and yelling at lorry drivers, on a few occasions…

            My 5.5 year old is the sweetest, most empathetic, generally happy, friendliest, darling.

            (I was far more laid back second time around, and the 2 year old is a little force of nature. She can comfortably have more tantrums a day than her sister has done in her life! And I have a 10 day old baby boy who so far mainly wants to sleep now too…)

    6. Wine Not*

      Hi! I am so sorry to hear about your job, first of all. What a crazy stressful time to suddenly become unemployed. Most states and local governments are OK with people getting outside for walks during this time, so that may be a really good option that you didn’t think was an option? Just be sure to stay away from people!

      The two things I have forced myself to do during quarantine other than work, are get outside every day for a walk, exercise at home with a workout I find online, and watch the sunset. If you can see the sunset from anywhere near you, plan a nightly walk to see the sunset. It helps to remind me that every day is going to pass no matter how crazy our lives are right now, that nature cannot be stopped and eventually this will all be over and we can truly appreciate the “normal” world we are fortunate enough to be a part of again. These are the things that have helped me stay as positive as possible though I am isolated and nothing is normal. Also, try turning your phone off at a certain point at night! I dropped mine in the ocean on Thursday and have a new one being delivered next week, but the past couple days without it have been so freeing and peaceful! So maybe don’t lose or break yours, but limit your time on it because the internet is an overwhelming place right now.

    7. RJ*

      How come someone is allowed to post with multiple user names and reply to their original post with a different name and it’s no problem, but anyone else who does the same thing (even by accident) gets called out and banned?

      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        I addressed this below.

        It’s perfectly fine for someone to use a different user name to be more anonymous or because they feel like a change. What’s not allowed here is sock puppetry, which is when people use different user names to try to make it appear that their point of view has more support than it does.

        Stop hassling this person.

      2. LJay*

        The only time I’ve seen people called out and banned for using multiple user names is when they are using them to sock-puppet and make it seem like a single opinion is shared by more users than it actually is. Or to attack other people.

        Using multiple user names to stay anon about certain aspects of work or life has always been allowed as far as I know.

        1. Disco Janet*

          Let’s be real though, multiple usernames is pointless if you give enough info about your life for everyone to know who you are. It seems wise to be careful about the level of info being shared if you truly want to be anonymous and will be upset if people know which regular commenter you are.

          1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

            I like using different usernames from time to time that’s all. I had a different username saved on my mobile (when I posted this) and a different one saved on my laptop. I like using different names. Please drop it now. Thanks.

    8. Koala dreams*

      If you are unsure of what you can and can’t do when pregnant, maybe you can get some information from your midwife or your doctor?

      If you have any supplies left over, you can still do some drawing or painting. Pencil and paper, or watercolour drawings in monochrome if you have some watercolour left. If you are into calligraphy you can practice with a brush and water on any surface that can get wet and then dry. With sewing, there are a lot of ideas for pretty ways to fix small holes and add a little bit of colour to your clothes on youtube, with just a needle and a thread, if you have any left over.

      And yeah, some days the best thing is just to stay in bed. Just don’t let it be all the days.

      1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        Sadly I gave away all my art supplies like 10 years ago when I moved away. I was looking at watercolor sets on Amazon and adult coloring books as well.

        When the weather gets warmer, I wouldn’t mind doing some cleaning (although my family will not let me so much as bend down or lift anything heavier than 2 lbs) and make it a nice space to sit in.

        My husband did suggest knitting for the baby lol. I’m open to that.

        1. Koala dreams*

          Yeah, then those suggestions wouldn’t work. Watercolour doesn’t need too many supplies, white/blue/yellow/red colour, a brush and some paper is enough. Or a small watercolour pencil set. I think pencils work better with colouring books.

          Knitting sounds fun!

    9. Canuck girl*

      Hey there – I got laid off this week too, so, even though I am not pregnant and aren’t sharing a kitchen with my mom, I hear you. My layoff’s supposed to be temporary, fingers crossed I can go back to work when my employer said we would, but my coworkers and I are remaining skeptical and for good reason. All that to say is that I understand you and, like other posters wrote – these are not mental blocks you should just “get over”. It’s a loss that sucks and takes time to mourn and get over. I also agree with other posters that going for walks is fine as long as physical distancing is maintained -fresh air and sun are good for you; walks outside are still fine in my neighbourhood and city. Another good friend is also pregnant and has an immune system condition and she still goes outside, her doctor ok’d it…relatives are usually not a great source of medical facts..unless they are medical/health professionals..just saying. I’ll also share what a good friend advised me, when she got laid off a week before me; her husband is a psychologist, so it’s technically his advice. When you’re over the slump (and really try not to let it last two weeks…that’s not good for you), maybe plan your days to say..have a plan to do something in the morning, perhaps career networking online via LinkedIn or email and after lunch try some project at home, i.e. work on the nursery. And then after dinner, that’s you-time, to unwind, relax and do something enjoyable that doesn’t involve work or chores – this is supposed to help process the layoff and contribute to good mental well-being. I’ve been following that routine and it’s been helpful to me. It may not work for everyone, but I thought it’s worth at least sharing.

      All the best to you.

      1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        Hi! Sorry you got laid off too, it’s a rough time for all of us here. Hopefully you get to go back soon.
        I like your idea of structuring, I may try that!

  14. Foreign Octopus*

    Book thread!

    What’s everyone reading this week?

    Despite picking up The Left Hand of Darkness, by Ursula K. Le Guin last weekend I haven’t had the chance to sit down and read it. I was hoping I’d be able to have time this weekend but I’m so far behind on everything else that it’s waiting on my bedside table taunting me.

      1. Felicia*

        Reputation by Sara Shepard. It’s a suburban noir which is my new favourite genre where fancy upper middle class people + rich people affiliated with a prestigious university have their deep dark secrets revealed. They all have deep dark interconnected secrets of course. And of course there’s murder

    2. Retail not Retail*

      I have too many ebooks and too many physical books as all 3 libraries I use are closed and extended the due dates.

      I just can’t get in the headspace to read them. I gave Motherless Brooklyn 100 pages before looking up reviews which is the sign I’m through. (I love when positive and negative reviews use the same examples – “stream of conscious was done so well/horribly”)

      I just started Teeth by Mary Otto which is more sociological than historical but she peppers in historical context or tries and it’s like arghhhh i know the technique you’re doing just write what you know.

      Maybe I need to reread something to break through the slump.

      1. Pusheen*

        Trying little fires everywhere for the 2nd time. Didn’t get past the 1st chapter last time but with the show on Hulu I want to read it and then watch the show.

      2. Thankful for AAM*

        I am also in a slump and cannot seem to get started on something new. And I love rereading “comfort” books but cannot seem to enjoy that now either. Not sure what will get me going here but reading is usually my go to and it is disconcerting to find it escaping me now.

    3. Garland not Andrews*

      I just finished re-reading Patricia C. Wrede’s Frontier Magic Trilogy. “The Thirteenth Child” “Across the Great Barrier” and “The Far West”. They are “historical” fiction, fantasy, and a coming of age story rolled into one.

      1. AcademiaNut*

        Oh, I love these! Her trilogy with Caroline Stevemer, the Cecilia and Kate books, are also fantastic – epistolary books in Regency Europe, with magic.

        1. Something Blue*

          Have you read College of Magic and Scholar of Magic by Stevermer?

          They’re both good but I especially loved Scholar of Magic!

      2. Marthooh*

        You may like “An Easy Death” by Charlaine Harris – alternate history frontier fantasy.

    4. OtterB*

      I have several books from the library (which have been extended until a week after the library reopens, which is currently after April 24) and an ebook from the library, including a couple of things I wanted to read, but am having trouble focusing on new stuff and am rereading old comfort books instead.

    5. The Gollux, Not a Mere Device*

      I just started re-reading Le Guin’s _Always Coming Home_, and am finding it comforting, just the very beginning where Stone Telling says “I have come where I was going.”

    6. Blue Eagle*

      Just finished reading The Residence by Kate Andersen Brower. It’s a behind the scenes view of the operations of the White House. She interviewed staff who worked at the White House all the way back to Eisenhower. An interesting read. (Also agree with the comments on rereading comfort books rather then the books I checked out of the library on the last day it was open)

    7. Liane*

      *Finished Patricia Briggs’ latest Mercy Thompson book, Smoke Bitten. (Actually before last week)
      *Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge graphic novel
      *Life is Strange: Dust graphic novel
      *Better part of 2 or 3 Star Wars Saga Edition RPG sourcebooks (research for my game blog articles featuring unofficial stats)
      *Chief Complaint: Can’t Find Toilet Paper by Kerry Hamm, 99 cents on Kindle. (Latest in her series of true medical/EMS/law enforcement anecdotes. Warning: as the title suggests, this one has some COVID-19 stories.)

      Does reading the entire offerings lists of Disney+ and Amazon Prime count?

      1. SD*

        Also read Smoke Bitten when it was released a couple of weeks ago. It reminded me that it was time to re-read Brigg’s Alpha and Omega series. Werewolves, vampires, and fae, all much more entertaining than real life at the moment.

    8. PhyllisB*

      Just finished A Good Neighborhood. It was good, but…disturbing. Now I’m going to try to find something light-hearted as a follow-up.

    9. Wine Not*

      I’m reading 4 3 2 1 by Paul Auster.

      It is 860+ pages but it is really interesting, highly recommend! It has taken be a little while to read but I am over halfway done now and hope to finish it this weekend! It begins in the 1940’s and spends a lot of time in the 1060’s as the main character is growing up, and follows him through different versions of his life. As someone who didn’t experience these times, it is really cool to read a book set then!

    11. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I’m currently partway through “The Husband Hunters” by Anne de Courcy, about the young American heiresses of the late 1800s, early 1900s, who married into European (mostly British) nobility. I think the most interesting part, aside from just in general reading the stories about the different women, is the analysis of the differences in the social structures and how the women had to adapt in moving back and forth between the two.

      I have also this week read the first book in the Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells and Unholy Nights by Seth Grahame-Smith, both of which I really enjoyed. (I like SGS’s original stories much better than his alterations, though that may be because I can’t stand Jane Austen as a writer.)

      1. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

        Murderbot is one of my favorite series. I really like all of Martha Wells books especially some of the older ones – City of Bones and Wheel of the Infinite.

        I actually find the Murderbot series to be very soothing. I re-read them when I need to escape for a while.

        1. Thankful for AAM*

          Thank you for the recommendation! I just finiahed book 1 of murderbot and am starting on #2. It was just what I needed!

      1. TimeCat*

        My ebook loan is due to come up soon for that and I am so excited.

        I just bailed on the Priory of the Orange Tree halfway through. It was just a slog.

        1. Something Blue*

          It took me a little bit to get into it and then I was hooked!

          (For 10k doors, not Priory)

    13. Weyrwoman*

      Ohhh Left Hand is so good! Definitely get on that!
      I’m slowly making my way through Abercrombie’s Heroes, on loan from my partner. For some reason this book just doesn’t pull me in the way the previous ones did and I’ve been having trouble getting through it.

    14. SarahKay*

      I’m reading my way through a number of Georgette Heyer ebooks that’ve been lurking on my eReader waiting for a rainy day. They’re light and funny, and just what I need at the moment.

      1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

        Heyer is a perennial favourite. Devil’s Cub, The Convenient Marriage or Civil Contract for me.

        1. SarahKay*

          The Convenient Marriage and Frederica are my two favourites, although I haven’t read Devil’s Cub yet, so good to have a recommendation. *moves Devil’s Cub to top of list*

          1. General von Klinkerhoffen*

            Have you read These Old Shades? Devil’s Cub is its sequel, though excellent on its own. There’s some nuance that takes for granted the previous knowledge.

            1. SarahKay*

              Ah, good to know, and no I haven’t. Luckily I saw your comment just in time, as I was just about to start Devil’s Cub. Instead I’m now about to start These Old Shades. Thank you :)

    15. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Just re-read Gateway by Frederik Pohl. I didn’t remember how disturbing it was. Or maybe reading it in my early twenties it wasn’t disturbing. Moving straight on to book 2 and hoping to get book 1’s amorphous ennui out of my head.

    16. Anon and alone*

      I just finished rereading See Jane Run by Joy Fielding. Man, her husband was an expert gaslighter.

    17. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

      I’m currently reading the most recent of Ben Aaronvitch’s Rivers of London book – False Value.

      They are an interesting but fairly light read. Modern day London but with magic. If you are new to the series start with Midnight Riot.

      “Midnight Riot is what would happen if Harry Potter grew up and joined the Fuzz. It is a hilarious, keenly imagined caper.”—Diana Gabaldon

      1. TimeCat*

        I was actually coming here to ask about those. I read a review and was intrigued, but as they aren’t available as ebooks from my library I would have to purchase them.

        I need something light and fuzzy.

        1. SarahKay*

          I really enjoy the Rivers Of London series, they’re a really clever mix of modern-day policing with magic. I like them enough to buy the paperbacks as well as the ebooks, so would heartily recommend them.
          Incidentally, for UK readers, the first book in the series is called “Rivers of London” rather than Midnight Riot.

    18. Hi there*

      I really enjoyed The Water Dancer by Ta-Nehisi Coates. It is beautifully written, as you might guess, and deeply moving. You see both the personal pain of slavery and the deep sin.

      I also read The Wives but felt disturbed and manipulated afterwards. Last week I loved The Dearly Beloved and The Scent of Water. Both of those have a lot about faith and God in them.

    19. TimeCat*

      I bailed on The Priory of the Orange Tree halfway through. It just felt like a slog after a while. I liked the world building but I couldn’t connect with any of the characters.

      I do find myself bailing more on ebooks I borrow from the library.

      Recursion by Blake Crouch was a bit dark, but a very quick read.

    20. MistOrMister*

      I am fighting my way through Frankenstein. I keep reading some, getting tired of it and then trying again. I am determined to finsish it, but not happily. Might go for some Jack London after that. I have always adored White Fang and I think I have South Sea Tales on my kindle and need to get started.

      1. TimeCat*

        I love Frankenstein but it really is a hardcore Romanticism book. I love the frame narrative and the image of the chase over the ice.

    22. Duvie*

      Re-reading all of Thomas Perry’s Jane Whitefield novels while waiting (and waiting and waiting – damn it, man, it’s been nearly 6 years!) for Jim Butcher’s new Harry Dresden novel Peace Talks to hit the shelves in July.

    23. Lemonwhirl*

      I finished Ling Ma’s “Severance” yesterday (because I’m oddly comforted by pandemic narratives right now) and started “Deadline”, the second book in Mira Grant’s zombie series.

    24. Overeducated*

      I’ve been reading Down Girl by Kate Manne and Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott for at least a month. I guess I am just not excited about nonfiction right now. I may start Exhalation by Ted Chiang, perhaps I have the attention span for short stories….

    25. Bluebell*

      Read and really liked The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall. Great novel about two couples, where the husbands both become pastors. Mostly takes place in the 60s in New York.

    26. Sparkly Librarian*

      Food Security for the Faint of Heart is my topical pleasure reading of the weekend. Most of it’s focused on growing your own food supply and/or gleaning from the wilds. I have a patch of a backyard and could walk to some promising natural spots, so although the best time to get started is (always) last year, I am mulling over what I want to put in the backyard beds as this goes on.

      1. EverydaysaRugbyDay*

        I’m taking advantage of my Kindle Unlimited subscription to read *so* many fluffy, cozy murder mysteries. I’m using reading to give my brain a break from figuring out how to teach Special Ed from my living room and keeping my 3 kids on track and relatively calm.

        1. Falling Diphthong*

          Rec Donna Andrews, who was recced to me in this thread. Amateur sleuth Meg is a Very Sensible blacksmith with a large and wacky family.

    27. Marion Ravenwood*

      I’m doing the Tolstoy Together read along on A Public Space (basically you read about 15 pages or so from War & Peace every day). I started a little late, but am doing morning and evening reading, so am hopeful I’ll be caught up by the middle of the week, and we should be done by around mid-June. It’s been on my to-read list for ever and I know I respond well to this type of thing, so I’m actually quite enjoying it. It’s a little tricky keeping track of everyone initially (which always seems to be the way with Russian novels for me), but now I’m into it a bit more I’m finding it a lot easier.

    28. smoke tree*

      I tried reading Scythe by Neal Shusterman and was really disappointed, particularly because it came highly recommended. I thought the characters felt extremely flat, I couldn’t understand anyone’s motivation for any of the decisions they made, and the world building felt really sloppy, to the point where it was honestly making me confused. This is a bestselling series by an author who has apparently written several other books, so I just don’t get it. Is it me??

  15. Jdc*

    Rainy weekend ahead. We finally brought our plants outside since chance of frost is gone. Wohoo, my dining room was looking like a jungle. Plus they need a good drench and sunshine.

    My stomach has been unhappy with me the past two days. Yowza. My husband said “stop eating all that sausage” but I mean let’s be realistic here. That’s not going to happen. Hahaha

    Have been beyond annoyed with my landlord for a while but starting to loose my cool. We were supposed to have a garage, when we moved here, two years ago. It was about to be built. Uh huh. This weekend we may get very big hail and if our cars are both ruined I’m just going to be livid. I’ve looked at other rentals but this area just sucks. There’s nothing decent. I can pay $5k for an apartment that meets our need. Let me tell you, this area is not 5k. I’ll move back to Newport Beach, pay half that and my husband can fly home every weekend and I’ll still save money. It’s ridiculous. How they manage to charge that here is baffling when the average home price is like $120k. I so wish we could just move out of state like planned so we could finally purchase. We won’t purchase here when we are planning to move so soon of course. I’d bring it up to my landlord but we have no lease (not sure why, my husband moved in here before me) and I worry about him saying we need to move out when I’ve already been looking for a better place for over a year. I could make a long list of things he hasn’t done he’s supposed to, many which make our house not even up to code. Perhaps just having our front door close properly could happen? No.

    I know we have actual rights lease or not but again, rocking the boat when I cannot find anywhere else and have no lease to ensure I’m staying in this house.
    Frustratingly much of what we do is based on stepsons college plans and he’s not taking that seriously at all, beyond just assuming he’s so wonderful of course he will get into whatever college he wants. We or course don’t put the whole living situation pressure on him, that’s not his problem, but it exists in our minds because we need to plan around what he ends up doing to an extent to hopefully get in state tuition.

    It causes an argument between husband and i the other night because he gets tired of me bringing it up (understandable) and I just get tired of the whole thing which is why I bring it up. Surely being trapped inside together non stop caused that tension to happen. We don’t argue much at all.

    So here’s hoping no hail and that the sun comes out next week so i can get outside to my garden and get some running in. Running makes my head right so I need it bad but it’s been snowing or pouring rain so hasn’t been an option. On the happy side this last round of antibiotics seems to be working for my months long sinus/laryngitis so I’m likely not having corona cough and just was experiencing that never ending annoyance. Woohoo.

    1. WellRed*

      Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but your plan isn’t to see where stepson goes to college and move to that state thinking that will qualify him for in state tuition?

      1. JDC*

        No that wouldn’t work. Our plan is to stay here so he can go in state but I wish we could move sooner and since he isn’t sure we don’t know he will end up in state. So either he gets in state here and we stay for tuition or he goes out and we move sooner since in state tuition wouldn’t be an option anyway.

    2. I'm A Little Teapot*

      Re step son – you’ve got this backwards possibly. You live where you want to live. He either chooses an instate school, or he has to figure out how to pay the difference for the out of state tuition. Unless he’s got very specific needs in a school, chances are he can find a good one for that field in-state.

        1. I'm A Little Teapot*

          Cool. Which means, you decide where you live, and stepson picks an instate school.

          1. Jdc*

            Except we then would have to move in 60 days for him to be in state long enough before he graduates to receive in state. So we both have to find jobs and a house and move in 60 days now. I’m not stupid. If it was so simple we’d do it.

        2. Wombats and Tequila*

          Any way he can go to community college for a couple of years? Plenty of people I know did that. Some have gotten into very prestigious schools, some on scholarship, for their last two years. It is not so hard to transfer once you have proven that you can do college level work.

          If he got into an $80,000 school, would you be obliged to pay for that?

          1. Imtheone*

            If he goes to a state school where you currently live, and then you move, it is very likely that he will continue to be eligible for in-state tuition, at least if he is 18 or over. It works that way in my state. This is something that can be checked at the state school web-sites.

  16. Siberian Kitten Gal*

    Dealing with PMS period headaches 3 days straight, used Midol, Tylenol, an ice pack, drank water, eating a bunch of red meat. And weather’s erratic and I have to study ://

    Literally nothing is working.
    Need coping mechanisms..

    1. Jdc*

      Sorry to hear. I’ve been in a similar boat. Nothing ever works other than just suffering through it. Husband will always say “oh did you take an Advil?” Babe if Advil worked I wouldn’t be doubled over in pain. It’s so frustrating.

    2. nep*

      I’m not throwing remedies at you, as I’m sure you’ve tried countless things…Just putting this out there. Peppermint oil rubbed on neck, temples, and forehead helps take the edge off a headache for me. Even if it doesn’t completely get rid of really bad pain, it does bring some relief. Same with EFT tapping.
      Sorry you’re struggling. I hope it eases soon.

      2. PhyllisB*

        Seconding the peppermint oil. Just be careful not to rub too close to your eyes or your eyes will burn and water.

        1. nep*

          Ooh, yes. Great tip.
          (When I’ve got the slightest congestion, though, rubbing a bit of peppermint oil on the nose and cheeks–again, only a tiny bit and not near the eyes–can bring some great relief. Everything just starts gushing.)

        2. Chinook*

          Thirding it. It also works with chinook headaches (the wind, not me). The changable weather maybe be causing air pressure changes, which can cause headzches, if you are susceptible (they did studies in Calgary), which means the headaches may lessen when the weather evens out.

          For PMS and stress, I have caved and had good chocolate with salted caramel (breaking my Lenten fast, so big deal as a Catholic), which just triggered happy endorphins. Just one square was enough to calm and centre me.

    3. Dancing Otter*

      Chocolate and/or caffeine of your choice.

      I read a study once about some chemical in chocolate that has a genuine effect on PMS (not just an I love chocolate emotional effect). And caffeine affects the dilation of blood vessels, so there’s physical cause there, too.
      Of course, some people *get* headaches from too much or too little caffeine. So these are just suggestions to try, that might or might not help.

      1. RC Rascal*

        This explains why the only thing that cures my pre menstrual headaches are fresh brownies and a giant iced tea.

      2. tangerineRose*

        Sometimes having a soft drink (with caffeine) either helps or maybe the sugar and caffeine helps me care not as much.

    5. Siberian Kitten Gal*

      Thanks folks. Ended up taking 1/2 tablet extra strength Tylenol with 1 cup water. Ate meat slathered in rosemary-infused cheese. Slept for another 2.5 hours with an ice pack and am feeling more normal. Ginger helps. (To !: yes I’ve tried one of those daily).

    6. Not a cat*

      A bit of caffeinated something (unless that is a trigger for you), try switching up your pain reliever to aspirin, Ibuprofen or Advil, certain strains of weed (indica) or an indica-acting-hybrid, if you are comfortable with marijuana.

    7. Schipperke*

      My migraine regimen:
      Take tylenol and aspirin.
      Eat carbs and red meat.
      Have some caffeine.
      Drink water.
      Take a hot shower.
      Chocolate.
      Apply heating pad to temples.
      Orgasm.
      Nap.
      If I feel nauseated, throw up.

    8. ampersand*

      Sometimes the only thing to work for me (and I can’t remember if I’ve had success with this for migraines or if it’s just normal but bad headaches): squeezing the pressure point between your thumb and index finger can work wonders. Of course, it only works for as long as you’re applying pressure, but it’s good for a bit of relief.

    9. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

      Neither Advil nor Tylenol ever seem to help me when I get headaches. What does seem to help is Migrastick (roll-on peppermint oil) and Arnica in pill form. Both can be obtained at Whole Foods or maybe a health food store. My local grocery store chain also has it but I don’t know if the larger chains do.

      1. Siberian Kitten Gal*

        Migrastick sounds cool, I’ll definitely look for it next time I’m at WF!

    10. Not A Girl Boss*

      I feel you on hormonal migraines. Ibuprofen never was any help, heck neither was vicodin. The only options that worked for me were
      1) ketogenic diet (but also avoiding sweeteners because they’re a migraine trigger for me)
      2) continuous birth control (no placebo week)

      The supplement DIM also helps a bit – taken all month long. But the other two (alone or in combination) help more.

    11. Valancy Snaith*

      It sounds bizarre, but I used to get terrible PMS headaches and what killed them off was taking a prenatal vitamin with iron in it. My doctor at the time told me that uneven iron levels could contribute, and I haven’t had an issue since, knock on wood.

    12. AvonLady Barksdale*

      I had a massive headache all day (I get them for a variety of reasons, this time it was a pre-bedtime cocktail and not enough water), and honestly, when I get them that bad I have to sleep it off while listening to comforting tv shows. I know you need to study so that might not work, but if your brain is rendered useless by your headache (I get tension headaches and migraine that come with cognitive issues), you might be better off resting now and studying later.

      1. Siberian Kitten Gal*

        Thanks; my goal was practice exams next month then actual exam June (or whenever the testing center opens). I dimmed lighting while studying then slept earlier than usual. I also drank more water.

    13. Candi*

      What’s odd is I’ll sometimes find ibuprofen (generic) works better than Midol. I haven’t been able to find out why -it might be me being weird.

    14. That Girl from Quinn's House*

      Take a Benadryl at bedtime. It helps break migraines (I used to use it, before I got prescription meds) and it’s apparently what the ER gives people for severe migraine.

      Good luck!

    15. tiasp*

      One time I had a pounding headache, and a friend of mine came over and rubbed my head until it went away. And by rubbed I mean hard with as much pressure as she could to the point that the rubbing was painful. I couldn’t believe it, but it worked. I don’t know how long she worked on my head, but I’d guess at least 5-10 minutes.
      Since then I’ve used that technique to get rid of headaches (my own if I can get my husband to rub my head and sometimes I’ve done it for other people). It’s pretty much the only not actual medicine thing I do that I don’t consider quackery. It’s hard to do on myself, but rubbing my own head as hard as I can gives me some relief.
      I figure it’s because there aren’t pain receptors in my brain so the actual headache has to be outside of my skull, so pressing hard on my head either physically changes my blood vessels or just covers up the headache pain with pressure signals.

  17. CoffeeforLife*

    Best new food discovery?
    I love smoked paprika and put it on lots of stuff- watermelon, popcorn, etc. But it’s so so good in cookies! Mixed in the dough and then rolled in it before baking. Yumm!

    I’ve run out of meal ideas and I’m ready to just let them eat ramen/canned soup. Which they’re happy with, but I.don’t.want.to.eat. Now I need to go through all the old posts on meal ideas :)

    1. nep*

      Not really a meal, but I’ve enjoyed turmeric in my smoothies. Good for me and I like the flavor it gives.
      (Smoked paprika on watermelon sounds really interesting.)

      1. CoffeeforLife*

        I love turmeric but I get the mouth tingles! Theres a turmeric popcorn I eat knowing I’m going to feel numb afterwards

        For the watermelon I usually put some salt (flakes) or a salty cheese (feta) and the paprika. That balance of salty/sweet/savory is really nice!

        1. nep*

          Cool. Love your name, by the way.
          If loving coffee is wrong I don’t wanna be right.
          Going to top up right now.

    2. AcademiaNut*

      Miso and lemon – not a traditional combination, but it makes a fantastic salad dressing, particularly for tomato onion salad (miso, lemon juice, olive oil, fresh ground pepper) or marinade. And the combination of Korean gochujang, honey and crushed garlic, either as a barbecue sauce, or as a sauce for sauteed chicken (top with diced green onions and toasted sesame seeds.

      I recently discovered Indian mixed vegetable sambar, which is now one of my favourite foods. Vegetables cooked in a tangy lentil broth, flavoured with tamarind paste and a coriander heavy spice mix. It’s cheap, delicious, easy to make, reheats well, and is naturally low fat, vegan and gluten free.

        1. Jaid*

          BTW, I’m reading a manga Gokushfudou: The Way of the House Husband (about a former Yakuza gangster who now is a house husband and one of the meals he makes has hamburger made with fish paste (fresh made with a fillet ground in a blender) and served with tomato/ketchup rice and steamed veggies.

        2. AcademiaNut*

          Roughly equal amounts of the pepper paste and honey, and as much crushed garlic as seems as a good idea. If you’re using it as a BBQ sauce, brush it on near the end so it doesn’t burn; if you’re using it as a sautee sauce, cook the garlic first, then add the paste, honey and a bit of water after browning the chicken.

    3. LibbyG*

      Kind of a rediscovery: rice pudding. Equal volumes cooked rice (any kind, but not strongly flavored) and milk (dairy or non). Cook and stir for 15-20 until it gets custardy. Flavor it up with whatever your current favorites are!

    4. Not a cat*

      Google Food52, stewy beans w/ escarole. SO GOOD, and you can sub out the cheese to yeast to make it vegan.

    5. wingmaster*

      Not necessarily my best food discovery…but this week, I’ve been incorporating a lot of sauteed apples. It’s pretty much apples, onions, and brown sugar sauteed for 10-15 minutes.

    6. Elizabeth West*

      Tajin Clasico Seasoning on apples. Yum yum. I try to eat more of them but they’re kinda boring, and I can’t get any heirloom varieties in the boring-ass groceries down here in Suburb of Doom. But the spicy chili lime flavor goes great with them.

      It’s also extremely tasty on fried plantains, a thing I cannot have right now since I don’t have a real kitchen or any of my pots and pans.

    7. EggEgg*

      Our family is small (only three of us, and one is a picky eater), so I make everything in little batches. Last week I figured out how to make a single serving size of homemade mac and cheese that’s easy enough to be worth it for even one person, and it would scale just fine! Cook whatever noodles sound good until they’re al dente, and in a baking dish (for me, a single bowl) mix up cottage cheese (small curd or smash it up first), a ton of whatever spices sound good, some American cheese, and some real cheese. Mix in the noodles and bake for a while. When it’s hot through, stir it a bit and add more cheese on top. When that is melted/crispy/whatever you like, it’s done.

    8. Blueberry*

      Smoked paprika is awesome. I have made a note to try it on watermelon.

      I’ve been watching a TV show about Greek food (My Greek Table with Diane Kochilis) and making note of the deceptive simplicity of the dishes and the ways flavors are layered with fresh herbs and/or feta and olive oil topping everything. It’s revelatory (and deserves a better description than I’m giving it).

    9. Not A Girl Boss*

      Pickled onions! They’re so easy to make up a jar of and last forever in the fridge. Such a great flavor boost, especially on eggs or Mexican or sandwiches.

      So much easier than trying to keep a fresh onion fresh for more than a slice or two.

        1. Not A Girl Boss*

          -1 red onion
          -1 cup apple cider or white vinegar
          -1 cup water
          -2 tsp salt
          -2 tsp peppercorns (optional)
          *******************************
          Thinly slice your red onions. If you have a mandolin, definitely use that.
          Put onions, salt and peppercorns into a non-reactive (ie glass) air tight container. I use a large 2 cup mason jar.
          Heat the vinegar and water until steaming but not boiling.
          Pour hot vinegar mixture over the onions.
          Mush the onions down so they’re covered by the vinegar.
          Let them cool to room temp and then pop in the fridge.
          In 24 hours they’ll be ready!
          They’ll stay in the fridge 3-4 weeks.

    10. cleo*

      Soups and stews! – they tend to be forgiving recipes in that you can just put in what you have and they also are good for making canned and frozen foods taste yummier.

      I made spinach peanut stew last night and it was like eating love in a bowl. It’s a traditional West African dish that I think I had 25 ish years ago. I remembered it while trying to think of ways to make our supply of canned spinach more appetizing. I found a recipe online that called for things we mostly had – peanut butter, spinach, onions, sweet potatoes – and was able to figure out substitutions for the rest (added water to tomato paste to make tomato purée).

    11. Seeking Second Childhood*

      TVP is a great meat extender AND makes a decent ramen additive for Friday lunch in Lent.
      A few drops of hazelnut baker’s emulsion will change my husband’s favorite coffee-flavored coffee into my favorite hazelnut-flavored coffee. Lots less to stock now.
      And chickpeas from dried with two changes of water do not make me as gassy as canned chickpeas. (PRAISE the lord and pass the potatoes!)

    12. Fikly*

      I’ve been microwaving plain unsweetened almond milk and mixing in a little almond extract. Shockingly good!

    13. JobHunter*

      Fry bread. I cook a slice of bacon in the pan first, then fry the bread in the fat. Sometimes I top it with honey.

      Shakshuka. I found the recipe on the Food Wishes channel on YouTube. I recommend it served over rice.

      Summer vegetable tian. I think I found it on AllRecipes, but it’s simple to make. Just slice zucchini, summer squash, tomato, onion, and potato, and set the slices on edge in a bread pan, alternating the vegetables as you please. Add chicken stock, top with cracked black pepper and fresh rosemary. Bake uncovered in a moderate oven for about 40 minutes. Slice the potatoes thinly so they cook as quickly as the softer vegetables.

      Coconut-jasmine rice flavored with lemongrass and ginger.

  18. Non permanent hair color*

    A couple of weeks ago I asked for recommendations for a non permanent hair color to mask my roots.

    I’ve tried Clairol Semi Permanent Root Touch-Up Color Blending Gel and dpHue gloss plus Dark brown. Have also purchased Clairol Professional Beautiful Collection Advanced Gray Solution but haven’t tried it yet.

    The Clairol root touch up project did almost nothing. And after a couple of hair rinses was gone.
    Had better luck with the DpHue gloss. I left it in my hair for 40 minutes (opposed to the 3 to 20 suggested) and roots look kinda brown/ orange. The white hairs are def tinted and not covered. I had to wash my hair the next day due to walking the dog in an area a skunk may have been (we both smelled skunky and needed shampooing). The tint did not fade much.
    This plus a touch powder will prob work for zoom on camera mtgs for a little while.

    Thanks for the suggestions.

    1. DistantAudacity*

      Good to hear you had some results!

      I suggested the L’Oreal magic root concealer – you might try adding that in. It does wash out, but honestly, the coverage is great and it takes me 10 seconds to do in my sidepart when I have 0,5 – 1 cm of gray roots showing.

    2. PhyllisB*

      I’m mulling over whether to let my hair go completely natural but hate the transition. Don’t see much gray at the roots, but I’m curious to see just how much gray is in there.
      I’ve been doing my hair red for years, so I decided to get some Garnier Color Boost in Auburn to get me over the hump. It turned my hair…pink. It actually looks okay, pink hair is not totally unusual in this area, but I’m 69 so I wonder if people think I’m trying to relive my youth. :-) The fact that it turned pink shows me I have more gray than I thought I did otherwise it would have been more auburn. I’ll keep y’all posted.

      1. Dancing Otter*

        There’s a woman in my quilt guild who dyes her hair pink, aqua and purple (in sections). She is a free spirit, not reliving her youth. (Besides, when she was young, those were colors for crayons or yarn, not for hair.)
        I want to be her someday.

      2. London Calling*

        In the same boat as regards colour, haven’t seen the real one for years (although I know it’s either white or silver), but usually the minute I see the roots I’m online booking an appointment. Do I go foraging for a box of colour or go for it and see what it looks like?

      3. Kuododi*

        Oh honey. The only thing I think of when I see a woman with multi hued hair is, “how beautiful!!!” I’m also impressed with anyone who has the internal self awareness to roll with what they believe is right for them as opposed to simply following along with society. Best regards Kuododi

    3. Not a cat*

      Try the Gray Magic additive (Amazon). My hair requires the oomph of the pro stuff but I don’t have the skills and hair salons are closed for the next seven years.

    4. Artemesia*

      Long before they were marketing touch up powders etc I saw a movie where the Beau Bridges character used spray on hair that sort of paint that men used to cover bald spots — and I went on line and found some and it worked very well on the part between dye touch ups.

      I have never found a temp color that works — they are not temporary in that they permanently stain the hair but in my experience didn’t really turn the grays brown — so they just looked dirty. For years I got professional tubes of dye from my hair dresser so I could do touch ups. The gray is so resistant to color.

      When I grew it out, I did low lights to help ease in the gray but when I look at old photos I can see it was not as graceful as I imagined. Glad it is gray now though — but I waited till I retired.

    5. Disco Janet*

      If you’re still searching for something better, I’d suggest overtone! Their deep conditioner does a great job of camouflaging my grey hairs.

      1. OP for this thread*

        Thanks. If the social distancing lasts longer than the bottle of dpHue I’m thinking of trying overtone. Do you use both the shampoo and the coloring conditioner ? Or just the tint? How long does a tub of conditioner last?

        1. Disco Janet*

          I just use the deep conditioner – using both that and the shampoo isn’t something I’ve found necessary except for when I have vivid hair (blue, purple, pink, etc.) I have pretty thick hair that doesn’t get greasy quickly so I only wash my hair every 2-3 days, and I use the deep conditioner once or twice a month.

      2. bring on the silver!*

        I tried it last week and unfortunately it did nothing on my gray roots. I chose a natural color and only left it on for the recommended amount of time, so maybe I’ll give it another shot and experiment with leaving it on longer.

        My grays are very color resistant though so I should have suspected that might be the case. I did love how much it conditioned my hair and the smell was lovely.

    6. Seeking Second Childhood*

      A friend just commented elseweb that she’s glad she let herself go gray because her grocery store is moving seniors to the front of the line to get them out of public spaces more quickly. Without the gray she looked “under age”.

      1. Imtheone*

        My sister is getting a package of hair dye from her hairdresser to touch up her roots. I’ve heard that lots of salons are offering this. Maybe that will help people get the color match they need.

  19. Teapot Translator*

    Adopting dogs! puppy vs adults
    Some years ago, I wanted to adopt a cat because it suited my lifestyle better than a dog, but that’s when I discovered I was allergic to cats. At the time, one of my friends insisted I adopt a kitten, but I thought an adult cat was better.
    Now, I’m thinking of adopting a dog. I’ve fallen in love with a breed, but a) it would mean adopting a puppy, and b) paying a lot of money (from a proper breeder, no puppy mill). I’ve looked at dogs in shelters and they usually need experienced owners, and I’ve never had a dog.
    So, from people who have had dogs and experts in dogs well being, should I wait to find a best-for-me shelter adult dog or can I adopt a puppy without feeling guilty that I work all day (and therefore not there for the dog during the day).
    I work full time in an office (usually, not right now, but I doubt I’ll get a puppy right this minute), but I would walk the dog in the morning and the evening and hire someone to walk or take out the dog/puppy during the day.
    I’ve read differing opinion from “eh, it’s fine as long as they have a pee pad” to “if you can’t devote every single minute of your day to your dog/puppy you are a bad human being.”
    So, what’s your advice? What’s been your experience?

    1. Coco*

      A puppy is a pretty big time investment. Do you have a long commute? How young of a puppy are you thinking ? (In terms of their bladder development). Are you okay with getting up in the middle of the night? Will you have help (nice to have but not required)?

      All puppies are different in terms of need but when our yorkie was a puppy she needed to go out every 4 or 5 hours so in the middle of the night we’d have to take her out. My husband was working from home at that point. They do sleep a lot during the day so can be left alone for a few hours at a time.

      My coworker bought a retriever puppy around Christmas and while she’s grown a lot in 3 months he still goes home at lunch to walk her and then leaves around 4. The puppy also has frequent diarrhea so he’s cleaning up a lot. ( the pup sees the vet regularly and apparently this is normal)

      On the other hand we adopted a senior poodle and she can sleep 9 hours without wanting to go out. Personally I love senior dogs. They are less active and are so appreciative and sweet.

      1. Teapot Translator*

        My usual work day: I leave at 7:15 and I’m back home at 5:45 at the soonest. But if I got a dog, I would shorten my lunch hour so I could be home at 5:15.
        I will not have any help. I live alone and if I decide to adopt, well that means that I’m the one taking the responsibility. I don’t want to impose on anyone. But there’s a service nearby who can help out during the day.
        I think puppies are 8 weeks old when they’re adopted.
        So many things to think of. I live in an apartment, so I need a dog that doesn’t bark a lot like my neighbour’s Yorkshire terrier. You’d think after all these years, the dog would know that I’m a neighbour and doesn’t need to warn me off.

        1. Ali G*

          You also need to consider how long it takes you to get “out”. Do you have direct access to outside? Potty training is HARD. If it takes you more than a minute to get outside it’s going to be tough. You pretty much have to be prepared to watch the pup when it’s awake, look for signs they need to go and then get them outside. The more accidents they have in your house, the harder it will be.
          I would suggest looking for a rescue that has a good foster program. If you get a young dog (~1 year), you still get all the benefits of a puppy (getting them used to your life style, training), without the early puppy stuff that may not be compatible to an apt. I did this when I got my dog – he was about 1.5 yrs, was living in a house and was potty trained. There was no way I was going to be able to get him out in time at 3 am from the top floor of my condo building!

        2. Max Kitty*

          Sadly, that is WAY too long to leave a young puppy unattended. A rule of thumb is one hour per month of age. So start with 2 hours at a time (2-month puppy) and work up from there.

          Friends of ours have done the puppy thing twice now in the last couple of years and it was a huge amount of work. Huge. And they have four people to work with the puppies and a backyard.

        3. Natalie*

          I think that’s way too long for a puppy. Puppies sleep a lot but they would still need 2-3 toilet breaks during that time period. You can indoor train but it comes with it’s own complexity and you basically have to potty train twice, first in the indoor set up and second outside. Before and after work, puppies need a fair bit of socialization, training, and play, all of which take time more than anything else. So you’re essentially looking at 3-4 months of the puppy taking up 90% of your weekdays outside of work.

          I don’t think it’s necessarily true that all shelter dogs need an experienced owner, but you might be running into a lot who do because the “beginner” dogs get adopted quickly, before you even know they’re there. The big shelter in my area doesn’t even get half their dogs online, they hit the adoption floor on Friday and are scooped up that same weekend.

          Have you considered fostering for a rescue organization? They should match you with a dog that’s appropriate for your lifestyle and experience level, and if it’s really not working you can just keep it until it’s adopted or even give it back if it’s a truly bad match. And tons of people “foster fail” – that is, they adopt the dog they’re fostering.

    2. Jdc*

      Anyone who says “eh it’s fine” is like the person saying child birth didn’t hurt that bad. You just blocked it out. Puppies are babies. Period. Minus legally being allowed to leave them at home they have all the baby characteristics. Crying at night, constant bathroom accidents, LOTS of training…plus most babies don’t chew your Jimmy Choos straight out of the box the day you buy them (first hand experience).

      Not all shelter dogs need a really experienced owner. Some do but you can research, take classes and much like a real kid, you learn some as you go.

      I’ve had a very expensive dog from a breeder as well as a rescue and actually my rescue was so much easier. He was potty trained, and a lot more grateful for a loving home. My dog i had from a puppy has more of the spoiled kid mentality, because he was spoiled. I love spoiling my dogs.

      Both have great benefits but I wouldn’t discount finding the right shelter dog. You may have to go out of state (I know where I am now it’s slim pickings compared to listings I see in other states) or just wait for the right one to find you.

      Either way you’ll be happy you did it.

      1. Teapot Translator*

        Thank you for sharing your experience.
        I can’t change all of my life (like I would for a child because I would have maternity leave and daycare and understanding from work), but I can change it up to a point. From what you tell me, I should wait for the right-for-me shelter dog.

        1. JDC*

          Both options are great but if you like sleep and not living in pee a shelter dog may be a better option ha

    3. 00ff00Claire*

      Since there’s a specific breed you like, have you looked into rescues that specialize in that breed? That’s what we did. But make sure that the breed is compatible with your lifestyle. A shih tzu and a Jack Russell have very different needs. If you know your work routine will eventually leave the dog home, even with someone coming to walk, you’ll want a dog that is more chill. A good breed specific rescue will only place dogs in compatible homes. Our dog is a small breed, so most of the dogs from her rescue would not be adopted to families with young children, for example.

      As far as age goes, it just depends. Especially if you can go through a rescue, an adult can be much easier. Our dog has plenty that she needs working on, but she’s potty trained. But she’s also still young enough that we can work with her on the stuff she does need help with – socialization mainly. Being able to focus on her social needs is easier since she’s potty trained. If you get a puppy, you will also need to take into consideration socialization, not just potty training. On the other hand, some adult dogs available for adoption will have things they need to work out – poor socialization, separation anxiety, etc. These can take as much time as potty training, or more.

      Another reason for finding a rescue is that many have both adults and puppies. Even if you can’t find a breed specific one, there are plenty who rescue all breeds / mixed “mutts”. Rescues get all kinds, including older dogs and owner surrender dogs who don’t need an experienced owner. And a good one will know their dogs’ temperaments and match you with the right pup. Adoption fees are generally higher than a shelter, but the fee reflects care that the animals get above what the shelters do.

      1. Teapot Translator*

        I do want a chill, but affectionate dog!
        I researched the breed I want. I heart them a lot. Considering how expensive they are, even if they end up in a shelter, they’ll be adopted pretty fast.
        The main drawback from the breed I want is that I would have to adopt a puppy and I’m not sure how fair it is to the dog considering I do not work from home.
        I have my eye on four shelters. I’ve started following them on Facebook so I’ll know when they get new dogs.

        1. 00ff00Claire*

          If it’s an akc breed, you can look them up on the akc website. Their website has a page about each breed, and some pages have links to rescues that focus on that particular breed. My dog’s breed winds up in shelters a lot, but not so much where we live. Most of the shelters around us were always full of bigger dogs. We had to use a rescue since we didn’t want a bigger dog.

        2. alex b*

          Most rescue groups in my area (NYC) let you apply and get approved based on your interest in a single dog, but if that dog doesn’t work out, you’re in their system as an approved adopter, and you can act fast when you find a little one you love.

          The approval process can be long. There are multiple interviews and background checks/recommendation letters and sometimes even home visits.

          Just letting you know. They might not even let you adopt a puppy given how much it’s going to be alone. Adopting 2-4yo, trained, calm dog seems like the best option for you given your circumstances (work plus first-time owner).

          Pure-bred dogs are usually far more prone to health problems. Rescue a dog with a temperament you bond with and needs you can happily meet!

        3. tangerineRose*

          Some breeders will give away dogs that are pet quality. Also, the type of breeder who cares about the animals will take dogs/puppies back if the owners don’t want them anymore. It might be worth getting to know some high quality breeders who do this – they might need to rehome a young dog at some point.

      2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        This – I wanted a giant breed dog, and specifically a very young one, so I’m working with a local Great Dane rescue (final interview sometime this weekend!!) going through their adoption application process for a Dane/mastiff mix puppy. It’s going to be more expensive than adopting from the local humane society (which I have also done with the Junior Ambassador), and the process is a lot more involved – this has required an application with cover letter and personal references and vet references and a “home visit” (done via video under the circumstances, but when the world isn’t melting they would literally come out and inspect my home) and now a final interview, though I have no idea what they have left to ask me about that we haven’t already covered – but it’s a way that I could be more selective about the type of dog I wanted without paying breeder prices and while still rescuing.

        1. Dog Fosterer*

          Our rescues do a home visit, although I try to frame it as a helpful thing. I do have a look around the home, and it has saved us a couple times, but mostly I view it as an educational and helpful opportunity. Some rescues do it more as an inspection, and I think that causes unnecessary stress for the adopter. We have a lot of first-time adopters, and that is my opportunity to answer their questions, and show that we are willing to support them for the life of their pet. The home visit takes time, but the adopters are more prepared for what to expect, and they occasionally ask us questions post-adoption rather than getting frustrated and returning the animal due to a problem. We have a very low return rate, and each rescue has only refused someone once, in both cases due to severe hoarding. We adopt out to families with children, without fences (for the dogs, cats should be indoors), of different incomes, although in all cases we work to find the right match so someone with a messier home will likely be suggested an older animal. Almost always we address any concerns as educational opportunities, so if someone is adopting a cat and they have a balcony then we explain why they should stay indoors, for their safety.

          1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

            Oh, I def didn’t mean that as a bad thing, I’m hoping that part of the final interview is exactly what you describe, “We noticed that right now you have cereal on a low shelf in the dining room, that’s probably a bad idea when you’re adopting a four foot tall dog. Consider alternatives?” and the like. (It’ll either go up higher, or I’ll put a cupboard door on that shelf :) )

            I actually would have rather had it in person than video, just because my whole household is super awkward and uncomfortable on video so I couldn’t hardly get them to look up, but would have done just fine in person :)

            1. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

              And that’s about what it was. I am now an officially approved puppy adopter – however, they expect to have something like 20 or so approved puppy adopters, and only nine puppies, so we’ll see what’s what. :)

              1. Dog Fosterer*

                Congrats! Although it sucks that they approve more than there are puppies. I hate doing that, and only get the right number. When I did a meet-and-greet with potential adopters I had them pick a puppy. That rescue is welcome to do what works for them, but it’s not for me! At least they are honest.

                To be more clear, I wasn’t criticizing your rescue’s home visit, rather how the visits are for many of the rescues. Some are awful about their exclusivity.

    4. Dog Fosterer*

      I will write more later, but my first thought is to let breeders know that you might be interested in a dog that gets returned. Ethical breeders take back their dogs, and sometimes it happens. It is rare, so don’t plan on it, and you will want to meet the dog and know what happened so that you don’t get a dog with a lot of problems, but know that’s an option. I know someone who got a purebred pup last fall and a few months later was asking me for help to rehome him because it was too much work with kids (thankfully the breeder happily took him back). It happens! And you could benefit :)

      1. Dog Fosterer*

        I think most of my added thoughts have been mentioned already.
        You really should get an older dog, based on your lifestyle.
        There are breed-specific foster rescues, foster rescues, and shelters. You really should look for the first one to see if they have any in your area, although they only exist if someone in your area has made the effort so it is likely that none exists. Shelters are good, but ones in the northern U.S. tend to not have a lot of choice as there is a lot more demand than supply. If your shelters don’t have a lot of choice then try foster rescues, as they often get dogs from other places (southern U.S. and elsewhere), although research them well because some are a lot more ethical than others. There are some that are too strict (won’t adopt out a dog except to perfect homes which don’t exist) and others that are too loose (don’t properly vet their dogs, don’t foster long enough and adopt out dogs with behavioural problems, etc). You can usually tell by reading their reviews on Facebook and other sites. Every rescue will have negative reviews, because people are mean, but read the negative ones to see what they say. One of my rescues has a negative review because someone was unhappy that we wouldn’t ship a cat across the country for them, whereas another rescuer isn’t very nice and her reviews are about the treatment of the dogs in her care.

        Good luck!

        Also, at times like these the shelters are often closing down, so there are a lot of dogs that need rescuing. Our foster rescues are continuing to adopt out, by doing most things online, except that dogs can be met in person, outdoors. If you do apply then I would clearly state how you have been thinking about adopting since before Covid, because rescues are also inundated with people who are suddenly looking for a way to address their boredom, but will want to return their animal when they return to work. This is more of an issue with fostering rather than adopting, but it’s still good to show that you have thought about it.

    5. Teapot Translator*

      Thank you everyone who’s answering! Keep the advice coming! I need to focus on that thing we don’t talk about here, but I’ll be reading all of your very helpful advice later in the day.
      From what I read so far, I should really go for an adult dog.

      1. Hound girl*

        We love dogs and up to pups eight and nine in our 30 year marriage and we have done rescues, breeders and in distant days, pet stores.

        Puppies are a ton of work and we are not sure we will ever be up for it again.

        Would you consider a breed adjacent type dog?

        I love, love bassets but they are not often in shelters and they are not popular so not a lot available from breed specific rescues ( or even local breeders here in Nee England)

        My latest dog who I absolutely adore is a mostly bloodhound 50%— we checked) mixed with a few other non hounds. She is amazing — so many traits that I love in bassets but also other traits less common to bassets.

        She came housebroken, decent on a leash and good in the house and she cost $45 because she was a full grown adult.

    6. university minion*

      I’m team “Adult Dog” all the way. The best way to end up with an awesome dog, IMO, is to go to your local shelter or all-breed rescue and tell the staff, “I live alone, work full time, have (or don’t have a yard) and this is my first dog. Breed, size, coat and age are unimportant. Who do you recommend?”
      That’s how I ended up with the best-first-dog-ever. Even though I did eventually get and still do have the breed I originally wanted, first-dog was the right dog at the right time for so many reasons.

    7. Cartographical*

      Speak to breeders about adopting an adult from them. It may take time but breeders usually retire female dogs at an age where they have good years left or discover that they’re not getting the puppies they want or the dog has poor mothering instincts. They also take dogs back if an owner can’t care for it for any reason and then that dog will need to be rehomed — with so many people’s lives in flux, people moving their older parents in with them or having their children home 24/7 as well as financial changes, there may be an increase in rehomed animals even in the breed you’d like. Retired breeding dogs from a good breeder are often well socialized and temperamentally balanced, as those qualities need to be fully realized in order to determine what quality of puppies will come from them.

      So definitely contact breeders now and talk to them. Some may be delaying sale of dogs to reduce their contact with people and also because we don’t know if vulnerable immune systems in very young puppies will be impacted by the virus in any way — and no one wants a puppy to end up home alone if an owner is hospitalized — so you may have the good fortune to be able to adopt a dog who is closer to a year old in future. (Dogs don’t fully mature, in my experience, until around four years of age, so a year old is still quite young.)

      If you were home more, I’d say a puppy would be fine but, again in my experience, you’re just not home enough to do the kind of work you need to do with a puppy. To raise a well-socialized animal, you do need a lot of time at the start between training it for home purposes and socializing it — a puppy would ideally meet literally over 100 people as well as other dogs in the first year, give or take, of life (once vaccines are in effect) in order to be fully socialized and reliable around them.

      To be clear, you SHOULDN’T devote every minute to your puppy, that’s how you get a certain type of difficult dog. You SHOULD be able to give five to ten minutes out of every waking hour, in addition to time needed for feeding and toileting, for an extended period of time. If you do get a puppy, with the schedule you’ve described in other comments, if I were in your position I’d be looking for a reliable puppy daycare (even a neighbour with kids and some kindly older animals would be fine) so that your puppy’s social and neurological development isn’t impacted by hours alone. They are babies, they are mammals, and the needs of the developing infant are fairly universal across species.

    8. Little Beans*

      I think a 1 or 2 year old is probably the best age. Puppies are SOOOO much work – you definitely cannot leave a puppy home by himself for 8 hours while you’re at work. But a dog who is about a year old and housetrained should be fine, and they may still act a lot like a puppy and you’ll most likely be able to have a long time together.

      If you really love a certain breed, my advice would be to think about what what you like about that breed and be open-minded. I had a lab growing up and wanted another one, but my roommate really wanted a dashshund and so we compromised and adopted a mutt who looks kinda like both. I’ve discovered that his dachshund side is super snuggly and likes to burrow which I love, but he also barks a lot which I don’t love…

      I don’t know how much “experience” really matters in owning dogs. I think the most important thing is that you understand the commitment you’re taking on, that you’re willing to learn and pay attention to your dog’s specific needs and that you’re willing to make sacrifices to keep them safe and happy. I’ve had many sleepless nights on account of my (adult) dog, I’ve spent thousands of dollars (literally, my dog’s medical expenses over his lifetime have been the price of my new car), I’ve had to change living situations for him, etc. And it’s all been 100% worth it!

    9. LJay*

      I’d see if you can adopt an older dog from a shelter. (And I’d look at a shelter, not a rescue, honestly. Most shelters I’ve been to, as long as you can show that your lease allows pets or a deed to your home if you own it, and assure them that all the adults in the household know about and want the pet, they’ll adopt out to you. Rescues usually have more onerous requirements.)

      I absolutely would not adopt a puppy in your case. Either never having had a dog before and working all day would exclude a puppy for me separately, personally. Both is an absolute no.

      Puppies need a lot of training and socializing in order to grow up to be a healthy, well adjusted dog. And a lot about training isn’t intuitive and is time consuming. And they have tiny bladders so when they’re small, paying for one walk during the day would not be near enough.

      An adult or senior dog can be adopted already house broken, able to walk on a leash, etc. And they have lower energy requirements so will sleep much more of the day when you’re not home. And have larger, more developed bladders so can hold it for a longer period of time.

      I adopted a sweet senior dog from the shelter and she was great for me when I was working 12 hour days. She was fully housetrained, never barked, never chewed up anything, good with people and other dogs, etc. Neighborhood kids could run up to her and get in her face and she just happily wagged her tail.

      She passed last year and we adopted a younger, but still adult dog from the shelter. She’s somewhere between 2-4 we think. And even the difference between her and the last dog has been a big adjustment for us. Me and my husband don’t work as much as I used to so we have more time for her. But she wasn’t house broken so we had to do that, have had to teach her all her commands from the beginning, she’s got a lot more energy so we need to spend a lot more time physically working her out. Etc. And she wasn’t properly socialized when she was young and so was reactive to people and dogs. We’re getting her better but that’s taken a lot of time and effort and learning since even though I’ve had dogs my whole life I’ve never dealt with that issue before.

      And a puppy would be even more time consuming and was out of the question for us.

      Some of it comes down to individual and breed temperament. Certainly some older dogs are high energy, neurotic, have bad habits ingrained. And some younger dogs are well behaved and calm.

      But puppies almost without exception are going to require a lot more time, care, work, energy, etc than an adult dog. And leaving them alone all day with a pee pad is a recipe for having a poorly trained and adjusted dog for the next couple decades.

      I would stop in regularly at the shelter (or make friends with someone who runs a reasonable rescue – they are out there. One of my dogs I got with my ex was from a local rescue but they were reasonable and did not require home visits and that kind of stuff) and let them know that you’re looking for a dog that would make a good first dog, and that fits whatever criteria that made you fall in love with the breed you mentioned. And wait until a dog comes in that would be a good fit for you.

      1. Not a cat*

        I adopted a 7-year old Chi-Terrier blend (guessing at her mix) from the shelter and she is the best dog I have ever had. She was housebroken, knew some commands and was so eager to please that she easily learned a bunch more. She is my heart. Although she is 12 now, and reasonably healthy, when the time comes, I would definitely adopt another older dog.

    10. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

      I was going to suggest getting a “pretrained” dog – One of my local rescues takes their dogs to a prison training program. However, if you don’t want to or can’t do that, I strongly recommend going to dog training classes – the ones that are based on rewards and not on yanking the dogs chain.

      The dogs love going to the classes and you learn a lot about how to make them good members of your family. If you get a puppy you can start with puppy classes. A good trainer will work with you on specific issues that your dog has.

    11. Morning reader*

      My experience is not as a dog owner but I have volunteered for dog walking duty at my local shelter. That might be an option for you to get more familiar with dogs, and maybe you would meet an available dog who is well suited to you.

    12. Crazy Chicken Lady*

      What everyone said about adult vs puppy.

      Our puppy is 10 months old. Except for like a few days of puppy daycare between 4-5 months of age, one of us had been home with him practically constantly since we brought him home at 8 weeks of age.

      Puppies can’t go running around outside of your yard until they’ve had their series of parvo shots. (~16 weeks of age). Daycares are off limits until then too. And daycares are off limits at around 6 mo of age until they are altered (which could be at a year old if they are a large breed).

      So… you can’t just leave them alone all day, which I assume is a point you’ve gotten already! We still only leave him for like 2-3 hours in his kennel if we needed a dinner out (obv pre-coronavirus).

      Dh was working from home 4 days a week and I was doing the 5th day. (Now we’re here 24/7). We got this puppers because Dh will likely retire in a few years and it was simply time. But it’s such a huge time commitment!

      Training is important too. Even if you adopt an older puppy, training classes are awesome. We are older, our kids are off to college and we have a bit more disposable income than we used to, so we have an in home trainer (obv pre-coronavirus) and it’s amazing.

      Fun moments today included watching my puppers run full speed to his kennel, because I needed him there and he’s trained to go there when I grab a certain treat. He couldn’t wait to be put in there – literally made a mad dash for the kennel at breakneck speed.

      Later I did a bit of training with a different favorite treat and his eyes were glued to me. He pretty much snapped to with every “down” “sit” “stand” (puppy calisthenics). Training is a good thing, and very important for older dogs too!

    13. pancakes*

      If you have your heart set on a particular breed maybe try rescueme dot org. You can set up an alert for specific breeds available for adoption in a specific area. I had to wait for a while but that’s how I got my Scottish Fold!

      I was a dog person before making the switch to cat person and advise against getting a puppy if you’re not home during the day. It may take months before a puppy is even capable of regularly doing its business on walks rather than in the house. They need to be trained to use newspapers or pee pads, too – that’s not instinct! It’s been a long time since I had a puppy, but I also recall my little guy not being able to go out for walks (and possibly encounter other dogs) until he’d had all his vaccinations, around 4 months if my memory is correct.

    14. Vet Student*

      Congratulations on your decision to add a dog to your family – they are wonderful! I have worked in animal shelters and veterinary offices for more than 15 years so I have a few tips. First, like many other commenters, I would recommend getting an adult dog. They tend to have lower exercise requirements, and certainly have fewer socialization requirements than puppies. Puppies need so much care, and if you don’t get the socialization right (their period of plasticity ends around 16 weeks) you can run into some real behavioral problems which are difficult to fix. Personally, I think it’s cruel to take a baby animal who has lived all its life surrounded by its family and put it alone in a house for 8+ hours per day. They crave and require attention.

      The advantage of getting a puppy from a responsible breeder is you can usually meet the parents to assess temperament, see how the dog has been raised, and get the parents’ health information, all of which gives you a fairly good idea of what you’re getting. You also get exactly the breed you’re looking for, and you get to raise the puppy with good socialization and training, provided you have time. But you have to be willing and able to put in the time. It’s worth mentioning that breeders generally take back pups whose owners can no longer keep them, so it’s worth inquiring to see if they have retired breeders or returned adults available. I don’t think it’s wrong to purchase a dog from a responsible breeder.

      Getting a shelter dog is a wonderful thing to do, but being a first-time dog owner you will want to be prepared to be picky and take your time. There are many hidden gems, but many adult dogs in shelters have issues of one kind or another (behavioral, medical, etc.). Often they are easily correctable with training, conditioning, and medical care, but with the push to make shelters as “no kill” as possible there are some dogs put up for adoption that require a lot of work, or (in my opinion) are not safe to have in your home. Your goal is to screen those dogs out.

      Fortunately, shelters and rescues really want adoptions to work out and are usually very up front about their dogs’ challenges and needs. If you fall in love with a dog but its bio stipulates that it requires lots of training, or isn’t good with men, or shouldn’t be around children (for example), I would pass as a first time dog owner. The best place for you to look at this juncture would probably be foster-based rescues, where dogs live with families while awaiting adoption. The rescues will have a much better idea of the dogs’ temperaments and hang-ups this way, and you can meet the dog in a home environment where its much more likely to act like him or herself.

      When you adopt from a large municipal shelter it’s harder to get a feel for the dog’s personality because the dogs are usually pretty stressed and frightened, and the shelter staff may be too overwhelmed with the volume of animals to get a good assessment of their temperament (though all dogs are temperament tested for typical issues like food aggression before being put up for adoption). However, a really nice option that more shelters are now offering is “doggie day out” programs where you can take a dog for the day to see how they are at home. Or at some shelters you can do foster-to-adopt, which is essentially a commitment-free “try before you buy.” If you adopt from a shelter I would highly recommend doing this if possible to save yourself from the heartache of having to return a dog that turns out to have issues you’re not prepared to address. Do keep in mind that it often takes weeks to months before a newly adopted adult dog truly settles in. And lastly, those large municipal shelters are typically the most in need of adopters, so not only are you doing a great thing by adopting, their adoption process tends to be extremely simple and fast (unlike most rescues).

      If it’s helpful, here’s my experience going through this search recently. I have a small child at home, as well as a senior small-breed dog I adopted as an adult many years ago. I also don’t have a ton of time for training a dog since I am a full-time student, but like you I can provide morning and evening walks and a midday dog walker. We knew we wanted to adopt a small-to-medium-sized adult or senior dog. Breed was not super important and we were prepared to deal with health issues, but temperament absolutely had to be sound. Absolutely no aggression, no fear-based issues, and needed to be rock solid with grabby small children. I started looking in July and found that hidden gem in February at a city shelter about an hour from home. She’s a 7-year-old lab/shepherd/pittie mix and she looked awful when I first met her – completely bald and scabby from the waist down, green snot running out of her nose, big cyst on her tail, double ear infections, saggy nipples from nursing pups, the works. But she had the absolute sweetest personality. We did foster-to-adopt for a few days, then sealed the deal. She is such a treasure and has fit right into our family. With appropriate treatment her medical issues have resolved and her hair grew back. A dog like that would be ideal for you! They’re out there, you just need to hunt for them.

      Good luck!

      1. Dog Fosterer*

        To add to your experience on shelters vs foster-based:
        I have fostered quite a few dogs who were initially in shelters, and passed temperament testing before being transferred to our rescue in a different part of the country. I have had some of those dogs become aggressive in my home, once they relaxed into their new environment. I was not the problem, and I am not the only person who has experienced this. It is relatively common for dogs to behave differently in a shelter. In almost every case we made it work, as dogs who were aggressive with dogs went to fosters without dogs, and those with bigger problems went to specialist trainers (which is how I know the problem was not me). One dog was too far gone and unreliable, but otherwise the right home was found. I do find it interesting that each of those dogs was adoptable in the original shelter, and could have really negatively affected the life of a new adopter. There is a big advantage to foster-based rescue, for some dogs/breeds and new adopters.

    15. Y'all Come Back Now, Ya Hear?*

      We adopted a lab mix puppy from a rural shelter in our state at 12 weeks old in May two years back. I am a teacher, and we purposefully adopted her then because we knew we had the summer so I could train her. I was SO sleep deprived, she had really bad worms (oh my word, the vet bills), and she chewed on or ate EVERYTHING. I mean, the puppy cuddles were amazing, and she was an adorable puppy. Doggie daycare helped SO MUCH that fall when school started but it was still hard and expensive. She needed so much when we got home for the day on days she didn’t go to daycare.

      Puppy is two now. And she’s just now gotten to the point where we can trust her to be in a different room than us, and we can leave her out for short periods of time. We plan to get a companion for her once we get the backyard fenced in, but that the youngest we will adopt will be a 2 year old.

    16. smoke tree*

      I wouldn’t adopt a puppy unless you can take significant time off while the puppy is young–you can’t really expect a puppy to just stay home alone all day. Even for an adult dog, I personally would not want to adopt a dog if I knew the dog would spend several hours alone each day for the full work week. I realize that one is more of a personal call, but I would seriously consider how much you can feasibly arrange your schedule to work from home or come home at lunch part of the time, and/or have someone else walk or look after the dog part of the time. I’m sure there are some dogs out there that are happy to sleep most of the day, but many others will get bored or lonely or anxious during that time. I just mention this because I know a few people who were a little overly optimistic about how much of a commitment a dog really is. It may help to try fostering or pet-sitting for a few weeks to get a sense of whether you can really accommodate a dog into your life.

    17. Teapot Translator*

      Thank you to everyone who’s commented! It’s given me a lot of information I needed. You’re the best!

      1. waldo*

        Just want to throw in my experience: I wanted a specific breed (border collie) that’s not usually in shelters. As other people have said, I didn’t want a puppy because of the time commitment, nor an older dog because I want him around fora long time and I lead an active life outside of work. I applied for a local border collie rescue, but before I finished their adoption process I actually found a 1 year old border collie on Craigslist that is now sleeping on my bed, and was cheaper than what the rescue would ask for. And his previous owners still have his much calmer brother and get to see his updates on my Instagram (2 border collies and a 2 year old was just too much for them – they’re not “bad” people for giving up their dog and they made sure he got a good home)

  20. PX*

    I’m sure I’ve said it before but thank you so much to the person who first recommended The Repair Shop as comfort TV. Binging it last autumn got me through a bit of a funk and now it seems BBC have put a few more seasons back on iPlayer which is perfect for these strange times we find ourselves in.

    It’s like a warm soothing blanket and I am enjoying it immensely.

    1. LibbyG*

      That keeps getting suggested to me. I’ll try it! Thanks! I also find that kind of thing soothing.

    2. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

      I would recommend “Big Dreams Small Spaces” on Netflix. It is a gardening show and is very uplifting and easy to watch.

    3. MissDisplaced*

      Hahaha! I’ve seen a few episodes of The Repair Shop. It’s kinda like a hot cup of very British tea.

      I’ve been watching some old Julia Child. It all looks good except for the aspic episode. Who the everlovin would put a poached egg in some jello? Sooooo gross!

  21. dryroasted*

    Embroidery question: I bought a cute little embroidery kit on Amazon and it arrived. Very excited to get started but the directions are lacking. It has a diagram of all the different types of stitches, directions on how to make the stitches. The floral pattern is printed on the cloth. So my question is this: do I stitch one flower and then tie off and clip on the back? Or do I stitch one flower and then move to a different flower of the same color without clipping? I feel like the back will be a total mess if I do that. Thanks in advance! Looking forward to doing a project!

    1. mreasy*

      Generally I will “travel” with the color if it’s 1/2” or maybe up to 1” away. Otherwise definitely clip. When you stitch more colors, you’ll stitch over your “traveling” so it will beaten things up. But anytime you’re using many colors there will be some mess on the back.

    2. Garland not Andrews*

      I usually will do a single color, either traveling or clipping off as mreasy stated, for all the parts of that color in the hooped area. Then I move on to the next color. I usually work the color with the most use first, then on down to the least. Excepting of course, in layered type sections the back goes in first. Also, do knots (french or bullion stitches) or any other that is raised off the fabric last.

    3. Book Lover*

      It also depends on the color of fabric and the color of the thread. I usually don’t travel between motifs unless they are touching, because you can often see the traveling threads.

    4. Alexandra Lynch*

      Generally I go across the piece in rows, if it is counted cross stitch or similar. I always start with a large primary color in the piece, so that it gives me a reference point, and start as high in the top left as I can with it. Like this:
      XXX—X——XXXXXX—XXX
      and I clip and tie off and move if I’m going far enough across the piece that it will be obvious. Pretty much more than an inch I clip and tie off. The back is never pretty on these pieces, so don’t worry too much. Once you get to where you’re going back and filling in, you can sometimes tack the long thread down by running it under some of your completed stitches on the back in a few spots. That’s useful when you need to do two here, four there, three over here, etc. and don’t want to tie off because there’s only a couple of stitches in that color and you aren’t sure they will hold firm.

    2. Garland not Andrews*

      I like honey & lemon juice in hot water for a sore throat. My mom always drank it in her tea. It works better for activating/feeding yeast than sugar for making bread. Best of all is on sopapillas. Warm, deep fried, puffy pillows of dough with honey drizzled inside. Proper New Mexican desert treat.

    3. Loopy*

      I make toast with PB and drizzle honey over it. I dont know where I got the idea- don’t do it often but it’s a real treat when I do!

      1. Reba*

        Great q. I have 4 types of honey in my home right now :)
        On toast, in oatmeal, in some teas, in certain baked goods (not the expensive honeys!).

      1. Jaid*

        Wawa (a chain of convenience stores in PA, etc) sells a cheese grits and chicken tender bowl drizzled with hot honey sauce.

    5. Chaordic One*

      There are really only 2 ways that I use it. As a spread or as a sugar substitute. As a spread on crackers, or muffins or biscuits, on toast or with peanut butter in a sandwich. As a sugar substitute, I add a couple of tea spoons to tea or sugar, instead of sugar. (When you have a sore throat, hot tea with honey coats your sore throat and provides some temporary pain relief.)

      I will also use honey as a substitute for sugar when baking. It makes things have bit of different taste to them, sweeter I think. I use 3/4 cup of a cup of honey to replace 1 cup of sugar, but you need to experiment and find what you like. When using honey instead of sugar, things bake a bit faster so you need to pay attention to that, too. Some people bake things at a slightly lower temperature to compensate for this, but I just take things out of the oven sooner than usual.

    6. AcademiaNut*

      I love honey – my usual one is a longan honey.

      It’s very good drizzled on vanilla ice cream, maybe with a sprinkle of cinnamon. And honey and chevre is an amazing combination. It pairs well with peanut butter on toast, or with toast and butter (and maybe a sprinkle of cinnamon).

      I use honey in cooking as well – with gochujang paste and garlic for a BBQ sauce, or honey, mustard and garlic.

      I made ancient Roman spiced honey wine once, which was surprisingly good. You heated honey and wine, and steeped it with spices, and strained it. To drink, you mixed it with water to taste.

    7. GoryDetails*

      I’ve always been a bit sad that I don’t really love the taste/texture of honey; it’s such a miraculous thing! I do use it in baking now and then, and I came across a Hello Fresh meal-kit that featured “hot honey” as the drizzle over the chicken; that was really tasty.

      Some months back I came across some lovely varietal honeys from a local beekeeper/producer, including cranberry-blossom and blueberry-blossom – and, my favorite, “Red bamboo” (aka Japanese knotweed). The honey is dark red, and not quite as sweet as the standard variety – and I really, really like it.

    9. Alexandra Lynch*

      I use it in breadmaking, and Girlfriend likes honey on her peanut butter sandwiches. I can’t eat it directly; honey is pure fructose and I’m intolerant.

    10. Alex*

      I use it in coking a lot rather than eating directly–I use it to sweeten sauces, dressings, etc. Also good in some baked goods, like homemade granola and baked oatmeal and such. I also sometimes put it in my tea. Or in cocktails. I use honey in my margaritas!

    11. fposte*

      OMG I love honey. I like getting a bunch of different kinds from Moonshine Harvest or others and appreciating the different tastes. I have honey-using “trends”–right now I’m usually eating it schmeared on/along with cheese over crispbread as a light lunch. I also enjoy what I think of as dorm caramels sometimes–bit o’ butter, bit o’ honey, microwave in something easy to clean (I tend to use silicone baking cups) until brown and bubbly. Let cool. I haven’t yet perfected the ratios so sometimes it’s off, but I’m still happy to eat it.

      1. Reba*

        Yeah, once you go past the plastic bear there are so many possibilities!

        To brag a little, I currently have 3 middle Eastern varieties at home: sidr (a kind of jujube tree, light flavor and aromatic), samar (a kind of acacia — the honey is black as pitch and funky) and ghaf (a tough little desert tree — the honey is red and luscious, a tiny bit bitter).

    12. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

      I keep honey in my pantry and use it occasionally for the following:

      – In tea as a sweetener (but I much prefer sugar)
      – I mix it with soy sauce and garlic to make stir fry sauce or some sort of salad dressing
      – As a face mask – it is very moisturizing!

    13. Cartographical*

      I put it in tea or on bread/biscuits and occasionally use it in cooking. I keep two types of honey: an inexpensive, pasteurized liquid to use as a sugar substitute in appropriate recipes, and a more expensive creamed (this makes it more of a spread than a syrup) type of organic local honey that’s used for eating or in any cold preparation where it will contribute most of the flavour. There are various health claims about organic, unpasteurized, local honey, not all of which are substantiated, but what is certain as far as I’m concerned is the flavour profile, which is worth a little extra. Much like coffee or chocolate, once you stray outside the mainstream options, you begin to develop more expensive tastes — and it’s kind of annoying but fortunately it’s not quite as pricey as the other two, mostly because one (usually) eats less.

      If you’re considering starting to bake your own bread, some real butter and some good honey will make your efforts pay off even more. :D

    14. Elizabeth West*

      I use it on plain Greek yogurt, as a sweetener in green tea and chai, and sometimes on biscuits with butter.

    15. Wishing You Well*

      I can’t eat honey. I get a bad non-allergic reaction to it. Wish I could eat it!

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        As an amateur beekeeper, I’m curious what reaction you’re getting. I’m also curious if you’ve had it wiht local-grown honey or only from the mass-marketed stuff which is sometimes imported from China and has a bad rep for being adulterated.

    16. Minta*

      I have only recently been enjoying honey. I used to avoid it because it wasn’t my favorite flavor. I recently finished my first container of honey all on my own and replaced it. Never happened before. I was always finding an old bottle of hard, crystalized stuff from the Neolithic period in my cupboard.

      Anyway,
      I absolutely love it on fine cheeses.
      I sometimes drizzle some on oatmeal.
      I’ll occasionally make a quick glass of lemonade (squeezed lemons, room-temp-water, honey, then chill it).
      There’s an excellent Brussels sprouts recipe that calls for a Tbsp of honey in it. Very good.
      Oh yeah, Toast, PB, banana slices, thin driz of honey.

      1. bassclefchick*

        Honey never (really, never!) goes bad!! If it crystalizes, just run warm tap water over it! You can also heat it up in a saucepan of water. Amazing stuff, is honey.

        I currently use it as sweetener in smoothies.

        1. Seeking Second Childhood*

          One caveat – if it crystalizes hard enough but the liquid on top doesn’t evaporate (or pulls more moisture out of humid air) then the liquid can ferment. It’ll be pretty obvious.
          But in dry climates, it’s the closest thing to immortal out there. People have *eaten* honey from Egyptian tombs.

    17. Blueberry*

      I adore honey on greek yogurt, diluted into lemonade, used in poaching liquid for fruit (I eat a lot of cooked pome fruits, I’m weird), added to savory sauces to sweeten them, all sorts of things. It also makes marvelous chewy cookies in properly designed recipes (as in, don’t just put in honey for the sugar, but look at some recipes designed for it).

    18. Candi*

      In tea, on toast with butter. In oatmeal. (HATE oatmeal, but it’s guaranteed not to upset my stomach and make me miss the bus.)

    19. Llama Face!*

      Hmm, I use bith forms of honey (liquid and creamed) in many ways. Some I can think if are:
      Liquid honey-
      Sweetening plain greek yogourt
      Dipping chicken strips in (melted)
      Sweetening tea
      To make hot toddy (honey, lemon juice, whiskey, cinnamon stick, & hot water)
      Mix with whipped cream and yogourt to make fruit dip
      Brushed on chicken breasts (along with garlic salt) to cook chicken for chicken caesar salad
      Creamed honey-
      PBH sandwiches
      On cheese biscuits
      On toast

      I’m sure there’s many more but that’s what I can think of off the top of my head.

    20. Catherine*

      Honey is my main sweetener since I don’t like the taste of normal sugars. I use it in tea and other hot drinks, drizzled on cheese, in sauce for chicken dishes, in baking, and when I have time I will make lollipops/hard candy with honey and flake salt.

    22. KR*

      I love honey but I can never open the jar (bought from Farmers market) and feel bad buying the stuff from the store in the bear container. It’s nice to swallow when your throat hurts or you have a cough. Nice on toast, in a smoothie, in a marinade or recipe.

    23. Marion Ravenwood*

      I put honey on my porridge in the mornings, or on toast as a snack, or make a honey and hot lemon drink if I have a cold.

    24. allathian*

      Love it! I mainly put honey in tea. Sometimes I’ll sprinkle it on oatmeal or yoghurt.

    1. Venus*

      Some of my tomato seedlings are starting to get their second pair of leaves, and the pepper seeds are germinating. I should start more tomatoes, to share with friends.

      The snow has melted enough that I am starting to see the ground, which gives me hope that spring will soon be here!

    2. Jen Erik*

      It’s been a beautiful early spring week here, and we have all the time in the world…

      So, planted some veg seeds last week. Turned out we had mice in the greenhouse, so we caught the mice, then planted some more this week. I hadn’t been going to plant tomatoes, but I did have seed that came free in a gardening magazine, and there was a story on the news saying that the supply lines for salad vegetables might be affected later in the year, so I am trying them. I did order some vegetables to come in May, but I’m not sure if they’ll come. Today we were splitting hostas, moving stuff round, planting out a few odds and ends.

      If health permits, I think we’ll have a particularly tidy garden this year.

      1. Venus*

        Good for you! I generally feel that it doesn’t hurt to start something, so plant them and see how they grow. I was thinking the same about supply lines, so I am planting some extra seedlings for family and friends.

    3. SarahKay*

      Right now it’s enthusiastically growing brambles – some of them have sent out suckers and are now rooted at four different ends! However, I have a pair of well-used and work-hardened gardening gloves and a pair of secateurs, and I’m not afraid to use them; victory will be mine.
      Meanwhile I have seedlings in almost every windowsill of my flat, all sprouting well. By summer I hope to have a good show of flowers and some lovely veg.

      1. Venus*

        Good luck! I have some evil spiky things in the grass that shouldn’t be there, so I expect to be tackling those in a month or so and I’m not looking forward to it.

    4. Parenthetically*

      Mom put some lettuce and spinach in pots on the deck this week, and once we get the raised beds in (hopefully this week!), we’ll be able to get everything else planted. Planning to put in tomatoes, onions, zucchini, beans, peas, cucumbers, peppers (probably in pots), herbs… maybe potatoes in buckets?

      The front bed is all flowers, mostly bulbs and hostas, but we’re trying to figure out something to put at the back of the bed, in the corner where the front path goes up onto the front porch. Something sizeable. It’s a tricky spot — north-northwest exposure so ZERO sun in the winter and only evening sun in the summer, partially shaded by a big dogwood. Advice welcome! Something with color would be nice since the bed is mainly hostas by mid-summer.

      1. Venus*

        That sounds like a great variety!

        I only know to put hostas in shade, so maybe bigger and differently coloured hostas in the back?

    5. Might be Spam*

      I’ve been putting vegetable cuttings in water on my kitchen windowsill. I’ve got red onions, carrots, and celery sprouting.

    6. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

      I’m trying to get rid of ivy, which is one of those projects that will never be done but can be more done than it is right now (neighbors also have ivy). I filled up most of a yard debris bin with the ivy from a fairly small section of fence, but if I keep nibbling away at it every week maybe I can get it down to just along the neighbor’s fenceline rather than also on the fences on my side and all over my shed by the end of summer. We’ll see.

    7. KoiFeeder*

      Indoor plant, but autumn crocuses apparently need to chill for 180 days before they start germinating. So guess who has a pot in their fridge now!

      I hope there’s still seeds to germinate. I had them planted for a week. >_>;

    8. Crazy Chicken Lady*

      I redid my horseradish bed last weekend. Years of harvesting left plants in the way back or way front. Dig everything up and recentered all of them. Set aside some starts to give away.

      I also planted my seed potatoes. I missed buying them by like one day- the Nursery suddenly closed the day before I planned to go there. Luckily my sibling bought way too many so I was able to get some in the ground at the right time.

      I also added some composted wood chips to my new rows of asparagus roots. I planted 40 crowns last spring and they are already poking up. Going to be hard to just leave them alone for another year!

      This morning I planted out the mustard greens, winter lettuce and spinach that I started in the basement over the winter. They’ve been transitioning to the outdoors for a bit too long. We’ll have to make the trek to the back garden each morning instead of the back porch railing (Dh loves greens with his eggs).

      All of my cardoon plants went on the back stone wall last night. They’ve been on my enclosed porch for a few days and the parent plants in the garden are thriving quite well. I think I have 24 starts? I’m planning on giving some away but I will plant a lot of them. Some got a bit chewed on last night- probably slug damage. They quickly outgrow that so I’m not worried at all. I’m hoping for a break in the rain tomorrow so I can dig them in the ground.

      My broccoli, cauliflower, kale, leeks, onions and shallot starts are now on the back enclosed porch, making their weeklong transition to the back stone wall so I can plant them all next weekend.

      That’ll leave only an assortment of tomatoes and peppers under the lights in the living room, as well as tithonia (Mexican sunflower). The entire rack made its way out of the basement last weekend after some creature chopped a bunch of tithonia and one San Marzano tomato off at the bases. The tomato bounced back but the tithonia was toast. I’m sure my neighbors think I’m growing pot in my living room, beaming bright LED light in the early hours each day.

    9. PX*

      After the disappointment of all my veggies suddenly dying very quickly over autumn last year I’m not really doing much at the moment. I’ve got a few regular houseplants that are doing alright, one of them is getting pretty big so probably time to repot I think.

      Otherwise the only thing I want to know is if anyone has ever successfully kept a coriander plant alive for a long time. The internet seems to imply its not really doable, but its the one herb I’d like to have readily available but they always seem to die quite quickly. This is for pots on the kitchen window which doesnt get any direct sun (but it does get quite light/bright) and runs colder than the rest of the house.

      I just bought one from the supermarket so not sure if thats the issue and if getting one from a proper plant shop would make a difference? I repot them into something bigger once I get home but thats about it.

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        Cilantro/Coriander is an annual with short lifespan. It’s like lettuce in many ways — it grows its tasty leaves, goes to seed, and that’s it. Some varieties bolt (go to seed) more quickly than others, and it likes cool weather. I’ve been told — but haven’t tried– that if you put new seed into the old plant you can get new growth in with the old. This will be the first year I’ll try to start it. Since it’s indoors, put it under a bright LED light, because it is a sunny-spot kind of plant.

    10. Miss Pantalones en Fuego*

      I’ve started digging up weeds and moving some more decorative plants out of the area that is most convenient for growing vegetables. I’m thinking about trying to tidy up the disaster of a front garden and plant some vegetables there, too, but it’s quite shady (north facing) so it might not be very successful. I have some lettuce and cabbage seeds left over from last year so I will try those. The snails and slugs are everywhere, though, so it might be an exercise in frustration.

      There are also a couple of shrubs or trees in stupid places (partly my fault, I had no idea that the tiny fuschia I planted would grow into such a monster so quickly!) that I would like to remove or transplant. That is a big job, though, so I am procrastinating. Maybe this week I will try drawing everything on some graph paper and try to plan a more functional and attractive space.

    11. Chinook*

      Still under 2 feet of snow except for where there is southern exposure. I planted perennial bulbs last spring and other perennials last summer, so I am waiting excitedly to see what will show up this year, especially if the peonies will bloom. The berry bushes also went in last year, so I think this year will be time for the raspberry and saskatoon berry busshes to grow and spread with only one or two berries.

      Basically, I ama lazy gardener who is planning to not move for years, but if greenhouses are selling after Mother’s Day, I may try some annuals for colour this year while evrything else takes time to spread and grow.

    12. Seeking Second Childhood*

      No response in my peat pots except this year’s lettuce, so I’ll be starting a new round tomorrow after work. (Gotta love the 2 extra hours a day WFH adds to my life.) I bought seeds for snow peas, cilantro, and tomatoes… and one six-pack of pansies from a locally owned garden center on a day when I needed a sanity break. But it’s raining and cold today so I haven’t gone out into it.
      One pot of over-wintered geraniums is so nicely in bloom that I brought it up to my computer table. Flowers! Indoors! in March!
      The lemon grass also came through the winter in fine form — I’ll be splitting that into many smaller containers and putting them outside as soon as the weather gets into the 50s at night .
      My war on the nasty tasting mint continues… unfortunately the good tasting mint hasn’t shown its head yet in the other garden bed. I am worried that it might have been eaten by the critters I’ve discovered live behind the rocks of that retaining wall.
      I am waiting hungrily for spring to give me dandelions and wood sorrel and purslane and other “invasive weeds” that we shall be adding to our salads.

    13. Retail not Retail*

      We had enough of a break in the rain for my mom to break out the mower and weedeater and attack 3 front yards (neighbors) and our back yard. Weeds getting taller than the dog, I swear. She spent some time last spring puttering around with flowers and I’m sure since she’s off (can’t work; is getting paid), she’ll ask me to grab some seeds or something. Her mint is still going strong!

      We ran around like chickens with our heads cut off Thursday to fill pots in a new spot (where tours buses would see?) with healthy azaleas and then pansies and violas. The flowers are in various states of distress – they’ve been in the holding area unused since october or they were stolen from another bed.

      This was done under the bizarre fiction we’d be opening Tuesday. In the normal world, we’d be getting our summer flowers in two weeks so the pathetic rejects would get tossed out anyway. Appreciate a last minute project with an artificial deadline. Tools were short so i dug with my hands to plant vague roots.

      Due to the great craziness, I am on the mowing crew at least on fridays and saturdays. My boss likes straight lines. I can pivot the mower just fine, I apparently just cannot walk in a straight line. Or plant in one. Nature isn’t symmetrical! Does this row of lilies need to be?

      I also broke my shorts out for the last 2 days of the week and found plant labels from the last time I wore them. Purple pansy was important to me in october.

      I also looove this “spiller” i pronounce as secresia but has a T in the real name so the first time I saw it i was like???? The roots are so slimy and gross but it is one fast and hardy vine.

  24. Loopy*

    Thanks to everyone who provided advice on the bok-choy last week! I’m particularly bad at getting back to my own threads some (most) weekends! I think I made it right and added it to stir fry but I don’t think I didn’t it justice. I’ll have to try it properly prepared some day just for comparison. I could take it or leave it but I suspect that has to do with my own prep than the vegetable’s potential!

    1. Artemesia*

      FWIW it is also good as a mild alternative to things like spinach in soups — I used ti recently in chicken/dumplings when I didn’t have the frozen peas I usually use. You want a mild vegetable to no overwhelm the chicken broth — the bok choy was perfect. I just threw it in before the dumplings went on the broth to steam.

      1. old curmudgeon*

        We do this as well, particularly when we don’t want to wait a long time for hard vegetables to simmer into softness. Bok choy is in the cabbage family, but much milder in flavor than most other members of that family, so chunks of bok choy in a soup is a really nice way to add a faint cabbage undertone without overwhelming everything else.

  25. nep*

    Reselling. (If this would be considered work-related, please delete. Some resellers do it as a full-time job, and for others it’s a hobby, so I wasn’t sure.)
    I’ve got a necklace I want to list on Poshmark (and perhaps eBay, if I venture into that world). Absolutely no idea how to price it. It’s unique, handmade some 20 years ago. I’ve not worn it except to try it on. I am thinking of contacting the company, but not sure. I’m pretty sure it’s rare. This company’s pieces have been worn on the runway and by top celebrities. I do see some of their pieces online, including on their website, but no price information at all. I don’t want to short myself, particularly when money is so tight and I need to make as much as I can. (Granted with so many people in financial hardship, PM sales are down, but not altogether stopped.)
    Thoughts? Advice? Thanks.

    1. 00ff00Claire*

      Not sure if this could work in the current situation, but an estate jewelry store might be able to give you an idea of what it’s worth. Or at least an idea of what they would pay you for it.

      1. nep*

        No. One interesting aspect is it’s got a tag noting where each material is from…Italy, India, Ghana…
        It’s got bronze, copper, ostrich egg, glass. Could be valuable for its rarity and unique beauty if not for precious gems.
        I’m thinking the only way to really get a good idea is to contact the company. Not sure what’s holding me back, but might eventually do so.
        Thanks.

    3. E*

      Former hobby/part time reseller here. Have you looked at TheRealReal to see if any of the company’s pieces are listed? I would seriously consider selling it on TheRealReal instead of Poshmark or EBay – bigger audience for luxury goods and you’re less likely to get scammed by the buyer (though you have no control over the pricing).

      1. nep*

        Thank you. I’ve heard resellers talk about TheRealReal but I’ve never checked it out. Good tip.

        1. E*

          No worries. I would be wary of selling anything very expensive/delicate on either poshmark or eBay – new sellers selling luxury items are a target for scammers and you also have to figure out how to ship the necklace without breaking it. If you live in a bigger city the real real will come pick up the necklace themselves. The downside is that it’s consignment so the payout may be less (though the fees on poshmark in particular are steep).

  26. Bibliovore*

    Checking in with the AAM crowd. Want to start a knitting project and watch some tv after a week of too much WFH and no work/balance.

    1. Anonyme*

      I’m currently knitting the Shifty Sweater and it’s so much fun to knit. Good balance of easy/mindless and paying attention. I’m also using a dozen different variegated yarns, so just so much colour.

    2. No Name Yet*

      I was thinking of starting a new knitting project, but got really overwhelmed by choosing yarn/pattern. Hard to make more decisions right now. :/

    3. Dancing Otter*

      I am just binding off a large shawl. It was a mystery knit along on Ravelry that started on New Year’s Day. I’ve been binding off for three days now. I think I just don’t want it to be over, but maybe I just don’t want to have to block a shawl that’s 54” on each side.

    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I have finished five out of six small cross-stitched pieces for a collection, and will do the sixth today :) Each piece is a tiny Star Wars ship – a star destroyer, the Death Star, a TIE fighter, the Millenium Falcon, and Slave One are the ones I’ve finished, with an X-wing left to go. They’re about 2” square each, so I also have to decide how I want to collect them – I could put them in tiny embroidery hoops and ribbon them together, though the aida is pretty stiff, or I could put them together into a sort of quilt-style wall hanging with fabric in between. Or just frame them in a six-opening mat. Not sure.

      After that, I’m not sure whether I’ll start another cross-stitch project (an AT-AT landscape – we’re a Star Wars house :) ) or finish knitting a scarf I’ve had on-needles for a while.

    5. Artemesia*

      There is a sweater with RGB’s dissent color neckline — it looks great. You can google for the pattern.

    6. Koala dreams*

      Knitting and tv go together wonderfully. I just finished my first ever knitted potholder! Hurray! Plan on making the second one during the weekend, so I’ll have a pair.

    7. Wishing You Well*

      I’m knitting “Outlander” Brianna’s reunion capelet. (There are 2 free patterns on Ravelry.) The stacked short rows will be a bit finicky but hopefully worth it. I love the gorgeous colors of the hand-knits in the show!

    8. Historic Hamlet Dweller*

      I’ve got a Westknits scarf that’s nearly off the needles and a massive blanket that’s nearly all knitted, but needs sewing up.

      Then, I’m going stash diving.

    9. HamlindigoBlue*

      I wanted to start on a cat bed this weekend (“Purrfect Cat Bed”). It uses super bulky yarn (2 strands held together) on US15 needles. I thought I had US15s, but they turned out to be 13s. The only 15s I have are DPNs, and that just won’t work. I ordered the needles yesterday, and they should be here tomorrow. It’s just garter stitch for almost 150 rows, then some finishing. That’s one I can handle while watching TV.

    10. Chinook*

      If you wnt something simple to keep your hands busy, try a ten stitch blanket (google it). It requires no sewing and straight needles and shows off multicoloured wool very well. Once you get the mitred corners and edge joing down, you can do it without a pattern in front of you. The end result is a blanket of any size you want/hve the wool for.

      There are also versions of the pattern for a circle and zigzag.

      1. Hound girl*

        I decided to do this as it is easy (and I am not a talented knitter) and I will have it for the next baby I should send a gift to.

    11. Seeking Second Childhood*

      My Saturday morning knitting group did a Zoom — two cats, a dog, a baby, and a couple significant others visited. I finished off my latest “use up the stash” potholder” and got a granny-square lesson. No wonder I’ve been having trouble — I was mixing up my stitches and not doing a double-crochet. This is just a practice piece from a bit of leftover self-striping cotton I have, but now I’m wondering if there’s something I could *do* with two or three red,white&blue granny squares. Ideas if you’ve got htem.

  27. WellRed*

    I posted last week about not having access to last years taxes and not knowing what my PIN number is to be able to file. Someone asked if I was sure I hadn’t written it down somewhere. Sure enough, I looked back to last February calendar page and there in my own shorthand was the pin. Sometimes it pays to be analog!

    2. Squidhead*

      Since those PINs have to be 5 digits, I use the zip code of a favorite place. (It’s not the place I live now, obviously.) It’s the only PIN I have that has to be only numbers and only 5 digits…I definitely wouldn’t remember something I just made up. Glad you found your annotation!

  28. Worried and pregnant*

    I’m 18 weeks pregnant and have been getting lots of tightenings this week. Has anyone else had the same in their pregnancy? I’m under huge amounts of stress at work, plus my husband has been in and out of hospital and … You know, pandemic stuff!

    1. Jdc*

      Don’t get mad I say this but hydrate hydrate hydrate. At this point In your pregnancy it could be that you aren’t hydrated enough and frankly you seem to never be able to be hydrated enough during pregnancy.

      1. Jdc*

        Oh and i say don’t get mad because while pregnant you are told that so many times it gets irritating after a while to hear that’s the solution to everything.

      2. Not A Girl Boss*

        Yes, and don’t forget that hydration is about both water and electrolytes. Electrolytes are what push the water into the cells that need it. And that most so-called electrolytes drinks are garbage, like less than 5% of your daily needs.
        (Obviously check with your doc about safe electrolyte options, but I’ve found a few times when I have unquenchable thirst that a salty avocado for sodium and potassium fixes me right up).

    2. Inspector Gadget*

      Caveat: I’m not a doctor but have had two pregnancies. This is normal as far as I can remember. 18 weeks is a bit early as I recall but stress can definitely cause it. Seconding hydration and rest. Is it all over your belly or just in different parts? For me, it started with different parts starting to contract, and then eventually your body figures out how to coordinate practice contractions all together.

      Also, does your OB or midwife have an advice line you can call? I called them all the time with random questions like this. Yes, they’re busy, but better to have peace of mind for you. Questions like this is exactly what the advice line is for.

      Look at that, Google says that Braxton Hicks starts between 14-24 weeks. So if you have other symptoms (bleeding, cramping, etc) or if you’re worried, give them a call, but if it’s just parts of your belly starting to contract, welcome to the second trimester. There’s also a lot of good advice on this available via Google.

    3. Generic Name*

      I was going to say drink more water. Eating bananas helps me when I get weird crampy muscles. When I was pregnant, I used to get Charlie horses in the middle of the night, and she suggested taking calcium tablets. I’d bring it up at your next appointment.

      1. Generic Name*

        The “she” mentioned in the last sentence would be my doctor. Got interrupted and lost the sentence. :)

    4. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

      Where are the tightenings? I was getting a little bit of those, and also mild period-like cramps in the uterus area. Doctor assured me as long as there’s no bleeding or spotting or pain (it was discomfort but you know esp if it’s the FTM we tend to panic) it’s normal, it’s just the uterus stretching. I’m 21w now and constant ultrasounds have assured that all is well with the baby. And yes, like JDC said above, water. I’m bad with that too.

    5. Parenthetically*

      Just ditto to drinking tons of water. And yes, I started getting Braxton-Hicks at like 15 weeks this last pregnancy — it was ridiculous, some of them took my breath away! Magnesium helped me too. I took Natural Calm brand.

    6. Candi*

      Eat salty foods. French fries with extra salt was my go-to. But anything that boosts the electrolytes will help. And when all that salt makes you thirsty, don’t fight it.

    7. Worried and pregnant*

      Thank you for the reassurance and advice everyone! I will definitely take on board the suggestions about hydration, electrolytes and talking to my ob. Things have been better over the weekend, which makes me think I need to work on stress management as well as intake of food and drink at work

  29. Ali G*

    Hello All!
    First I want to thank everyone that helped me out with my dogs med question last weekend. I did not know I could get them any time since I don’t put them on insurance! So we are all good now, have multiple fills and I feel better knowing I can get more whenever. After all this is passed, I’ll figure out how to manage them online, but they said I have go into the pharmacy to do that, so it’s not important enough to do now.

    ANYWAY. What’s everyone cooking?
    Today breakfast will be what I call Mexican shakshuka (it’s literally just salsa instead of tomato sauce and some cheese on the eggs).
    Dinner is going to be sous vide filets (reversed seared of course), with red-wine mustard sauce and broccolini.
    Tomorrow dinner I think will be turkey meatloaf since that will feed us multiple times.

    How about you?

    1. Jdc*

      Well sounds like I’m showing up at your door for dinner once we are allowed out. Luckily I bring wine. That all sounds so good. Husband made me juice this am which was yummy, no food yet but getting hungry. Dinner will be something pork chop related since that’s what I took out of the freezer.

    2. Dancing Otter*

      I am just binding off a large shawl. It was a mystery knit along on Ravelry that started on New Year’s Day. I’ve been binding off for three days now. I think I just don’t want it to be over, but maybe I just don’t want to have to block a shawl that’s 54” on each side.

    3. Meal planning is life*

      We are a huge meal-planning house, and especially now we’re trying to find foods that present a good balance between physically nourishing (lots of veggies/fruits, lean protein, emphasis on plants) and emotionally nourishing (tasty, comforting, enjoyable for the whole family). Here’s what we’re cooking for suppers this week. Usually we have last night’s leftovers for lunches, and smoothies for breakfast.

      Tonight we’re having “leftovers pizza,” where we turn the odds and ends in the fridge into toppings for a homemade pizza
      Tomorrow: Grilled cheese and tomato soup
      Monday: Tostadas with refried black beans
      Tuesday: Spinach pesto pasta
      Wednesday: Bacon, avocado and tomato salad
      Thursday: Butternut squash soup
      Friday: Brined pork chops with apples and onions

    4. Nervous Nellie*

      Your filets sound amazing. What time is dinner and what can I bring? :)

      Breakfast was huevos rancheros because I found a stash of tortillas in the back of the fridge – score! Lunch and dinner will be kitchen sink quiche using up leftover lamb and roast potatoes. And for my happy hour phone date with a pal before dinner, we will be testing’ Tatoosh Bourbon, a Seattle offering that is new to both of us. Somewhere in between all of that I will be sewing masks. A very nice Saturday, come to think!

    5. Llama Face!*

      My tentative supper meal plan for the upcoming week (in no particular order):
      Cabbage borscht
      Scalloped potatoes with ham
      Breakfast for supper (bacon, eggs, toast, & fresh fruit)
      Cheesy tuna melts on homemade bread with roasted asparagus on the side
      Hot & spicy pork meatballs with mango & red pepper over rice (working without a recipe on this since I thought it would be fun to try to use up my fresh mango, red pepper, thai chilies, and ground pork in one dish)
      Shredded carrot, dill, & feta omelette & homemade bread with tomato salad

    6. old curmudgeon*

      My spouse made up a giant vat o’ lentil soup on Thursday, and that sort of thing is always better leftover after the flavors really blend, so I’m lobbying for it to make a reappearance for supper tonight. He wanted more vegetables in this batch, so in addition to the usual onions, it has chunks of potato and tomato as well. He also wanted to include Italian sausage, but couldn’t find it in the freezer so he got out a pound of plain ground pork and seasoned it to taste just like our favorite variety of Italian sausage. That adds a really nice note to the flavor. Pretty sure we’ve got some sourdough bread on hand, so soup and bread sounds like supper to me.

    7. Parenthetically*

      We’re having ribs, potato salad, baked beans, and mac n cheese for dinner tonight. I’m getting groceries delivered today and depending on what does and doesn’t come, I’ll make a meal plan for the week. Fun project is going to be making a throwback Black Forest gateau for my dad’s birthday, his favorite.

    8. Blueberry*

      Mexican shakshuka sounds awesome. *makes a note* I am contemplating making manicotti but I need to figure out what I can sub in for the ricotta

    9. Nicki Name*

      Ham yakisoba tonight, stir-fried beef with mushrooms tomorrow night. Or vice versa, we’ll see!

      This week’s random soup experiment (to make lunches for the weekdays) is rice and mushroom soup, although I couldn’t get quite the right type of rice thanks to weirdly specific grocery shortages, so it may wind up as more of a risotto.

    10. Lena Clare*

      Veey pulse-based but here goes; I’m using what’s in my cupboard:
      -lentil and potato soup for lunch
      Dinners:
      -green lentil bolognese with pasta
      -lentil kofta and rice
      -black bean chilli
      -‘butter chicken’ vegan curry with homemade naan breads
      -cauliflower tandoori bites
      And then with the leftovers I’ll probably make a chickpea tikka curry with cauliflower rice.

      I’ll also be making a vegan chocolate cake again.
      The pieces freeze and defrost very well, so can keep for when I fancy a sweet treat.

    11. Pam*

      We went to my campus farm store, and now have freshly harvested cauliflower, brussels sprouts, carrots, tomatoes, potatoes, and sweet potatoes, so we will have a cooking jamboree.

      With all that, plus gardening today, we were too tired to cook, so went to our favorite deli and got a bunch of yummy salads.

    12. Overeducated*

      Mm, I love all forms of eggs in tomato sauce, wish my family did too!

      Last night we had quesadillas with some leftover cooked butternut squash inside. Meals planned for this week include a ham, white bean, and kale stew (two dinners plus one for the freezer), sag paneer, and pasta with broccoli, sausage, and beans. If we have time we’ll make pizza.

    13. Nynaeve*

      This week, I had:
      *Tomato couscous soup
      *Peanut butter/soy sauce/ginger chicken stir-fry
      *Dal chapati with peanut butter and apples
      *Potato parsnip soup
      *Pork chops with roasted Brussels sprouts
      *Beef/squash/tomato skillet
      *Raspberry/blueberry smoothie
      *Pancakes with mango jam

      Next week, I plan to make yellow curry, quesadillas, chia pudding, and scrambled eggs (assuming the eggs arrive). Maybe chili also? We’ll see.

      Thanks for asking this–I love seeing what everyone is coming up with!

    14. Marion Ravenwood*

      Lots of Asian food right now. Tonight I made a slightly experimental stir fry with rice noodles (they didn’t have egg noodles when I went to the supermarket last week), Quorn chicken-style pieces, black garlic, half a pepper and some stem ginger from a jar. It actually turned out surprisingly nice!

      The rest of this week will be more stir fry, then I’m switching back to curry. After that it’ll be mac and cheese, which will do me for about four dinners. I also have pizza that needs eating, so will probably have that tomorrow.

    15. Cute Li'l UFO*

      My biggest triumph was taking some rock-hard frozen steaks (slight freezerburn) and defrosting them. They made a fantastic beef stroganoff we ate for a couple days.

      This I’ve decided on:
      Skirt steak tacos with sautéed onions
      Sausages with mac and cheese with roasted broccoli
      Hasselback potatoes with cheese/bacon/sour cream
      Probably pork chops? I make a mean white wine/dijon sauce after they’re cooked.

      I also made some crêpes after aggressively sifting out the flour. Since the strawberries weren’t the sweetest they made a great addition to the crêpes. At some point I’ll make a grilled cheese and break into my campbell’s tomato soup hoard (not an actual hoard.) I also have instant ramen with lots of good things to mix in. I love cooking and I’m pretty good at prioritizing what to make based on what’s left in the fridge.

    16. KR*

      I’m so glad it worked out with your dogs meds. I think tonight I’m going to try and make a cowboy caviar with turkey. Beans, corn, peppers, onions, turkey diced up, salsa, ect.

  30. Lore*

    Trying to connect an Asus notebook laptop to my Vizio TV to use as an external monitor. (We have one monitor and 2 laptops in household currently.) The HDMI cable works with the Dell monitor but when I plug it into the TV and select the correct input source for the TV, the TV still says nothing is connected to the HDMI port. Is there something I need to do to get them to communicate? I can’t find any relevant settings and the display is not showing up in the computer’s control panel either. (Unfortunately the other laptop is a Mac and I don’t have the right cable to connect it to the TV to test the HDMI port that way. Kicking myself for not ordering one when I ordered the other.)

    1. UtOh!*

      Hi there, I did a quick Google search and found this information. Do you have a function key on your Asus notebook that has an icon with two monitors?

      “Asus netbooks and laptops require you press the function key on the computer’s keyboard containing the two monitors to activate the HDMI port.”

      1. Candi*

        …This is important information. I got my first ASUS after years of Dell, and one HP.

        My son’s very good with computers, but I’m not going to demand for free what people will pay him $30-45 an hour for!

        (I taught him to charge for his time, and to consider carefully favors and “exposure”.) (snickers) :D

    2. Nervous Nellie*

      UtOh! has nailed it. I have an ASUS desktop, and had to use the fcn key to activate the TV as a monitor.

      I am not using a Mac, but I bet that it would also have something like the second step I had to follow in Windows. I had to go to Display Settings and direct it to identify the 2nd screen. I don’t know why the fcn key did not do that, or really, what it did at all. :) When it did identify the 2nd screen, I could then tell it which was the primary screen, and make sure that the orientation of the screens (ie. TV on the left, regular monitor on the right) matched the settings. You want that so that you can move your cursor from one to the next without losing the cursor, fishing around for it, swearing a bit, and then finding it where you didn’t expect.

      Also, the ASUS website has a helpful FAQ page and search function. Good luck! I hope it all comes together.

      1. Lore*

        Thanks to you both! I found that but thought it was referring to activating the laptop’s hdmi, which is activated already because it connects to the dell monitor. Didn’t think to read it the other way! The laptop is in use right now but I’ll try that next.

  31. coffee cup*

    Does anyone have simple but tasty recipes involving red lentils? I got more of them this week to make soup, mainly, but wondered if there’s other things I could do with them. I also have carrots (not many), spices and so on. I’m not veggie but I lean veggie when I can. I thought maybe I could try some kind of dahl? But I’ve no idea if that would work with just a few veg (I have some courgettes and broccoli and mushrooms). Bit low on other things at the moment. I feel overwhelmed by a lot at the moment so thought I’d ask here because also I wanted to chat to people too (I live alone!).

    2. LibbyG*

      Maybe this is a good time to perfect a good, freezable lentil burger? I always start with the Kitch for trying something new.

    3. Lena Clare*

      Red lentils are good in a veggie bolognese in place of mince, or in curries.a lentil curry or dahl with eggs with a classic combination.
      Vegan, but still good, I absolutely ADORE the recipes from India in Sasha Bill’s Jackfruit and Blue Ginger cookbook, I can’t recommended it highly enough. There are lots of lentil in there; one I’m making this week is kofta balls in tomato curry sauce.

    4. PX*

      Lentils = dhal for me which is basically Indian curry. They are quite simple to make so I don’t have a recipe to hand but if you’re on instagram Tan France has a video up of him cooking one from last weekend.

    5. Cambridge Comma*

      I make a lot of sweet potato daal but if you don’t want to go shopping there are some good recipes with carrots too.

    7. muddy paws*

      I’m really interested as red lentils were the only bean or pulse available last week.

      My favourite recipe: fry an onion, add a cup of dry lentils, 3-4 c water or stock, a large can of tomatoes ( 5-6 tomatoes), 5 or 6 carrots and let cook for ~30-45 min. it’s nice with a bit of grated cheese on top, if you eat dairy.

      How do you use them?

    8. Koala dreams*

      Lentil curry! Very tasty with spinach, but I think broccoli would taste great too. Great with rice, or bread.

      You can also make a lentil sauce to go with noodles. I usually do it with canned tomatoes and some random vegetables. The mushrooms sounds great for a sauce, too. Lentil mushroom sauce?

      Koshari is typically made with brown lentils, but you can try it with the red ones. I don’t have chickpeas in mine, I do a simplified version.

    9. Nervous Nellie*

      Hiya coffee cup!

      Solo household here too. So nice to chat with you!

      My favorite dhals come from the Indian Lunch Box website on occasion, but more often from the Recipe Tin Eats website, run by the awesome Nagi in Australia. Have a look! I love Nagi’s warm & friendly style so much that I get her daily recipe email. And the food, yum.

    10. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

      I make dahl usually with red lentils. I like to include veggies like butternut squash, carrots, spinach, sweet potato, and cauliflower. I then eat it with rice and chicken and makes for a nice, filling meal.

    11. Natalie*

      I made Smitten Kitchen’s version of mujadarra a couple of weeks ago and it was delicious and kept fantastically in the fridge. (Link in reply)

    12. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

      Hi! My mom and I cook with lentils all the time. You can either make them thin and watery to eat with rice or as a soup or make it thicker to eat with roti/naan/bread/by itself.

      Two of my go to s – I don’t use a pressure cooker or slow cooker, just a regular pot on a fire stove.

      boil with chicken/beef/vegetable stock or water
      add salt pepper fresh garlic chunks and a small onion quartered
      let it all boil on high heat, then turn the heat down and simmer for about 10-12 minutes, checking every few minutes and stirring
      mash the vegetables

      for the garnishing, my preferred one is frying onions and adding them to the lentils and fresh chopped cilantro

      another way I make it is:
      fry some tomatoes
      add spices (turmeric, rec chilli, paprika, salt, pepper, cumin powder, coriander powder)
      add garlic
      add the lentils, stir fry for a few minutes
      add your stock/water and let boil. Once boil, turn the heat down and let simmer on low heat for about 10-12 minutes.

      for the spices, you want to do a ratio of… 1 tsp each of the salt and pepper and 1/2 tsp of the others, especially if you’re not used to them.

      When I was experimenting and wanted to use up vegetables, I would stir fry teh broccoli and vegetables separately and just throw them on top of the daal when eating.

      If you are ever inclined to and it’s feasible, I’d recommend buying a packet of curry powder at any south asian grocery store.

      1. Nervous Nellie*

        Oh, my goodness! I did not know about this site. What a treasure trove of recipes! Thank you so much, StellaBella!

    15. 00ff00Claire*

      I tried a new recipe last night with canned lentils, but I imagine that the red ones would work as well once you have them cooked. I sautéed some red pepper and finely diced carrots, then added some frozen “riced” butternut squash, a little frozen corn, a can of diced tomatoes, and taco-style seasonings (chili powder, cumin, smoked paprika, oregano, salt, pepper). Simmered together a little, topped with a batter for cornbread, and baked until cornbread was finished. I used the particular veggies I did because that’s what we have and what we can eat, but you could certainly use the squash and mushrooms you have. If you have any other kind of canned tomato, they should sub easily. I’m not sure the broccoli would fit, but if you have garlic and/or onions you could add those. I’m guessing since you use the term courgettes you are not in the US, so maybe cornbread isn’t common where you are? You could just make it on the stovetop only (or dump all into the crockpot) and then serve with rice or taco shells.

    16. Filosofickle*

      My fav is this red lentil soup, it’s really fast and good (minus the cilantro)

      Ingredients
      3 tablespoons olive oil, more for drizzling
      1 large onion, chopped
      2 garlic cloves, minced
      1 tablespoon tomato paste
      1 teaspoon ground cumin
      ¼ teaspoon kosher salt, more to taste
      ¼ teaspoon ground black pepper
      Pinch of ground chile powder or cayenne, more to taste
      1 quart chicken or vegetable broth
      2 cups water
      1 cup red lentils
      1 large carrot, peeled and diced
      Juice of 1/2 lemon, more to taste
      3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

      In a large pot, heat 3 tablespoons oil over high heat until hot and shimmering. Add onion and garlic, and sauté until golden, about 4 minutes.

      Stir in tomato paste, cumin, salt, black pepper and chili powder or cayenne, and sauté for 2 minutes longer.

      Add broth, 2 cups water, lentils and carrot. Bring to a simmer, then partially cover pot and turn heat to medium-low. Simmer until lentils are soft, about 30 minutes. Taste and add salt if necessary.

      Using an immersion or regular blender or a food processor, purée half the soup then add it back to pot. Soup should be somewhat chunky.

      Reheat soup if necessary, then stir in lemon juice and cilantro. Serve soup drizzled with good olive oil and dusted lightly with chili powder if desired.

      1. Old and Don’t Care*

        I make this all the time, and have served it to many, many people who never would have thought they love red lentil soup.

    17. old curmudgeon*

      Ooh, two of our favorite soups involve red lentils. They’re both simple and so, so tasty.

      Red Lentil Soup

      1 cup red lentils
      1/2 cup fine chopped onions
      2 Tbs Penzey’s Turkish seasoning
      1 Tbs salt
      1 qt water

      Put the lentils, salt, onions and water into a 2 quart pan. Bring to boil (watch this as red lentils tend to foam up and boil over). Reduce to simmer and allow to cook for 20-30 minutes. Add Turkish seasoning and allow to cook for another 10 minutes.

      Mili Dal

      1 cup dried red lentils
      1 cup dry mung dal (split mung beans)
      2 quarts water plus additional water if soup becomes too thick
      1 Tbsp turmeric
      1 Tbsp Kosher salt
      Optional: can of garbanzo beans, drained
      ¼ cup vegetable oil
      Dried whole red chili pepper: one large or several small
      1 Tbsp whole cumin seeds
      ¼ tsp asafetida

      Rinse lentils and split mung beans thoroughly. Place in a large pan with water, cover and bring to boil. Skim off foam repeatedly until the surface is mostly clear. Add turmeric and salt, stir, cover, turn down heat to a simmer and cook for 30-40 minutes. The soup will become quite thick and smooth, like porridge. Add water (half a cup or so at a time) if it gets too thick.

      If using the garbanzo beans, wait until the dal reaches the porridge stage before adding them, so they won’t disintegrate before you serve.

      Once the dal is thick and smooth, and the garbanzos (if using) are heated through, heat the oil in a small pan. Add the pepper and roll it around until it turns brown. Add the whole cumin and asafetida. Let the spices cook for a minute or so, until the cumin seeds are also browned. Add to soup (carefully, the hot oil will spatter) and cover soup pan. Let sit for 5 minutes, then remove lid, stir and serve.

      This makes a great accompaniment to an Indian feast of curry, or for simpler meals, a big bowl of mili dal and a piece of warm naan bread makes a splendid supper all by itself.

    18. Beep boop*

      Lentils, can of diced tomatoes, can of coconut milk, curry powder, cumin, ginger, garlic, acid of some kind etc. and simmer! You could add whatever veggies and let them cook in the mix or just eat alone or with rice

    19. Akcipitrokulo*

      veggie stock
      lentils
      onions

      simmer until all mushy.
      whizz in blender.

      I love this simple soup!

    20. misspiggy*

      Tan France (as in Queer Eye) has put a couple of great videos on YouTube on how to make lentil dhal, very easy to follow.

    21. Crazy Chicken Lady*

      I love White girl dahl from kiwiandbean

      It’s simply amazing. The depth of flavor is fantastic!

      I cut the recipe in half, and when using the can of coconut milk I grab all the solids and half the liquid from the can. It’d be kinda hard to cut this recipe down further but the good news is that it gets better after a day or two and- it freezes well! I serve it over white rice, and for freezing I just use single serve containers and put the rice in with the dahl on top.

      Tip: you can freeze a knob of ginger in a freezer bag. To use, take it out of the freezer and use a paring knife to scrape just enough peel off for the amount you use. Then use a small hole cheese grater to grate the ginger. So much easier than chopping or zesting fresh ginger! And it won’t rot in your fridge.

    22. Miss Pantalones en Fuego*

      It’s a bit fiddly but you can make flatbread with red lentils! Soak them overnight in an equal volume of water, then blend them together to make a batter. Add whatever seasoning you like and cook them like pancakes. It can be tricky to get the consistency right but they hold together fairly well. Or you can spread the batter out on a sheet and bake it instead.

    23. Wombats and Tequila*

      I’m huge on simple, lazy recipes, so here goes.

      1 onion, finely chopped or grated
      1 c. red lentils
      1 c. rice
      Salt to taste

      Boil the above until soft and not at all crunchy.

      You can leave it with a lumpy texture, or strain it, or blend to make a smooth texture.

      Squeeze lemon juice in when you serve.

      You can also cook it in broth for giggles.

  32. TR*

    How much extra will you pay for an item at a small business? Especially with the current situation?

    I want to buy something for a hobby. I could get it for $110 online or $150 from a local hobby shop. I really appreciate the existence of this hobby shop, but I’m not sure how far my obligation goes. (I know it’s not really an obligation)

    1. Jdc*

      I guess it depends how much that $40 affects your budget. Sometimes we have to take the cheaper option. I try to do small when i can but the market by my house is insanely expensive. I mean, crazy. So i really can’t afford to triple my food budget to go there.

    2. nep*

      I would feel really good about giving that business to the local shop. I get that in these times that’s a hefty difference. I guess I’d brainstorm where else I could save or make $40 to make up for the difference.
      Whatever you decide, don’t burden yourself with guilt. You have to do what you have to do.
      All the best

    3. 867-5309*

      I generally buy from local shops, even when I can get an item much cheaper online, but my budget allows that.

    4. Not So NewReader*

      If you figure in shipping costs will that bring the online price closer to the local price? If I could get those numbers a little closer together then I would just buy it locally, if I were to buy it.

      That said, I have a friend who goes to a local coffee shop every other day to help keep them in business. I love that my friend is so thoughtful with her spending. But this is not something I can do. I’d suggest to you that thinking about what you can and cannot do for people right now might be helpful. Different people make different contributions to keep things going.

    5. acmx*

      Ask if they will come down in price a little? They may not completely price match but maybe $10 off?

      1. Wishing You Well*

        Good questions! This is a great place to practice some low-key bargaining. Even if the local place says no, you can still buy it at their price if you feel like it. Good Luck!

    6. ...*

      I probably wouldn’t pay 33% more just to use a local business unless money was no object. I know people want to support small businesses right now but everyone who isn’t a small business owner didn’t suddenly become rich? Ask for a discount or price match at the small business would be my suggestion.

    7. Chinook*

      You may want to factor in having expertise available when crafting as well as th immediate availability, which you don’t have online. For me, that difference is not worth going online, especially when I know I can get my supplies immediately and that, if I run short, I can pop in their for another skein (unless I cleared them out).

      The expertise is important to me because my only real teacher was my grandmother and I miss being able to talk out a crafting probkem with someone.

    8. sara*

      I would also consider if the local store provides other services that are of use to you – more personalized help, a community gathering space, knowledge sharing about your hobby, etc. Try not to think of it as an obligation, but what parts of your hobby community would disappear if the local store disappeared?

      If those services are worth some value to you, then I’d consider buying from the local store even if on this specific purchase you’re not taking advantage of those services. Your purchase will help them stay in business and provide those services, whereas the online store won’t even notice your purchase.

      1. Texan In Exile*

        This. This local business pays taxes. They sponsor the Little League team. They put posters for the school play in their windows. They are part of your community. If you can afford it, please support them.

  33. Lady Jay*

    Give me your best hair product recommendations!

    I have a short pixie cut (also very straight, fine hair which gets bushy if I don’t put anything in it) – I’ve been using Paul Mitchell’s neon sugar tousle cream (the “piecey and beachy” flavor) for the last three years to style it – it creates a gentle hold which slowly falls out over the day, and doesn’t leave me with a heavy, oily feeling in my hair. Literally any other product I’ve tried (including the other flavor, something about “smoothing”) makes my hair feel greasy and/or doesn’t do the trick.

    BUT THEY DISCONTINUED THE PRODUCT!!

    Help, y’all! What other suggestions do you have? I originally got the suggestion for the tousle cream here, so I’m hoping you’ll help me find a good replacement. Thanks in advance!

    2. ThatGirl*

      My hair is a little longer than yours but I use Garnier Fructis Pure Clean hair paste, just a tiny bit at first. You can always layer in a little more. It’s not greasy unless I overdo it.

    3. MinotJ*

      Unite Tricky Wax. It’s an aerosol spray that is absolutely amazing. It gives you volume and hold but it’s still moveable and soft. I want my hair to look “like you took a weedwhacker to your head!” as a former coworker used to say, and this product can handle that request. Expensive, for sure. I have to force myself to not use it every day.

    4. Scarlet Magnolias*

      I hear you, my hair is stark white and very fine, I used the Bumble and Bumble spray white powder to give it volume. Then they went and discontinued it!

    5. Claire (Scotland)*

      Aveda Light Elements Texturising Creme! I hate anything sticky, heavy or crunchy in my hair, and this is the only one I’ve found that really is weightless, gives a bit of hold but doesn’t weight my hair down, and doesn’t make it feel greasy and awful. It’s not cheap, but I only need a tiny bit so it last ages.

      1. Claire (Scotland)*

        I also love Aveda’s Phomollient styling foam when I’m blow drying my hair.

    6. Artemesia*

      They always discontinue products that are perfect it seems (I have 3 pairs of the shoes I like to wear in fear that will happen to them ). I used to stockpile lipsticks because whenever I found one that didn’t change color etc it would be discontinued.

    7. Wishing You Well*

      I use “fiber cream” by Great Clips’ “solutions”. I’m very happy with it, but I top it with hairspray to make it last longer during the day.
      I second the idea of stockpiling a makeup color when it’s perfect. Too often they’ve discontinued it by the time I need a replacement or they’ve changed their numbering/naming system.

    8. Ron McDon*

      I love SchwarzkopfGot2B Beach Matt Texturising Salt Spray – I’m not sure where you live, but here in the UK I buy it from Sainsbury’s.

      I spritz it into the top section of my pixie when my hair is da,p, then muss it with my fingers whilst blow drying. It gives a really nice ‘piecey’, choppy look.

    9. Trixie*

      I used to use heavier paste but in recent months switched to Paul Mitchell “Skinny” serum, followed by a couple pumps of argon oil or mixed oils. Even TJ’s vitamin E oil. With fine hair, you might like R + C creme, paste, or high gloss.

    11. Seeking Second Childhood*

      Sally’s generics are really good — it’s worth calling to ask if they do a version that might be kept around after that one is discontinued. Assuming they’re open where you are sigh.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      Is being amused by people who are bored in lockdown a symptom foretelling our own boredom is about to surface?

    2. AvonLady Barksdale*

      Yes, it’s judgmental, but why does it matter? So someone is bored and you’re not, ok. Unless, of course, the bored person lives in your home, and in that case, it would be kinder to try to help rather than just finding it funny. Boredom at this stage requires some help to cope.

    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I’m not sure it’s judgemental, but I think it’s a little pointless. It’s kind of like the football wars in fall, where everyone who doesn’t watch football make fun of the people who watch it and talk about it a lot and “oh, is it time for that sportsball game again?” You do you, they can do them, and who cares. I can count the number of times I leave my house in a month on my fingers – usually without getting into the second hand – so I’m obviously very good at entertaining myself at home, but it’s not unreasonable for people who are used to going out places every day, or thereabouts, and suddenly find themselves unable to go anywhere or do anything, to have a bit of a rough adjustment to that.

    5. ThatGirl*

      Yes? We all have our own things. We have no kids, a chill dog, it’s either boredom or terror/anxiety. I read, watch tv, bake, but yeah, there’s boredom. Do you expect me to deep clean my house every day?

      1. Artemesia*

        I find avoiding cleaning my house although I have all the time in the world for it to be a great movtivator for finding something to do. Right now I am listening to Goeterdaemmerung in the Met live stream — and then I will be writing a blog post long delayed. Darn. No time to deep clean those closets.

    9. Traffic_Spiral*

      Who cares? If they’re posting about it they’re probably writing about it humorously anyways so being amused is the entire point, and if not? So long as you’re keeping it to yourself, you can be amused at whatever you like.

  35. Pinkie pie*

    Anybody here homeschool and work from home normally? My 8 year old seems to benefit from self directed learning like Kahn Academy. She’s progressing over a grade level in two weeks and I’m considering it. How crazy am I?

    1. Lady Jay*

      As someone who was actually homeschooled, twenty years ago (yikes), one of the chief advantages of homeschooling is that kids can be much more independent and self-directed in their learning; they learn to teach themselves and show initiative, both of which can help them complete difficult academic tasks in college / the workforce.

      Obviously, there are limits. I’m a college teacher now, and I’ve definitely had students who were homeschooled and whose parents were so hands-off that the kids did not have the resources to learn. But lots of self-direction and independent study is actually really good, for the kid as well as the parent.

    2. Former Cultist*

      Only a little crazy. I can’t speak to how to do this as a parent, but I can share some of my experiences as a student.

      Until high school, I went to weird tiny parochial schools that were basically group homeschooling really. I did well working at my own pace and got to learn science and math without sexists getting in my way :) I also continued to do well once I went to public school because I had already learned how to teach myself and to work because I took pride in my work (not “for the grade”). However, because I had no interaction with people from different backgrounds, (1) I later struggled with cross cultural communication and (2) I had no idea what it took to get into college or how to achieve the career I wanted, so it took me longer to get there.

      That said, I think if you do it in the way that’s right for your child, it can be really really good. And I think all of the problems I mentioned can be solved through non-school connections to your wider community: STEM camp, classes at the local community college, public sports or art programs.

    3. online teacher*

      Be a little cautious with Khan Academy in terms of using it as a sole curriculum for math. It tends to give an overview of the mechanics of how to do things, but not go deeply into the “why” behind things or give kids much practice in how to solve more in-depth problems that aren’t like the examples, or hold them accountable for still remembering how to do a thing later. It’s a great supplement (I send kids videos from there all the time), but usually when I get a kid who has been “working ahead” on Khan Academy and doing work multiple grade levels beyond where they’re normally at I find some gaps where they skimmed over something and only knew how to mimic it well enough to get through the quizzes rather than really own it. I usually work with kids who are a bit older, but one of the resources I like to round out the lessons from Khan Academy in a more open-ended way is nrich DOT maths DOT org, and I know they have things for younger students as well.

      1. Jenny F. Scientist*

        I will also say that their basic science stuff is okay but a lot of the higher-level stuff is just flat out wrong. For reference, I have a PhD in biochemistry and teach college biology, chemistry, and biochemistry.

        1. online teacher*

          Interesting. Is it usually wrong as in over-simplified “the Earth is a sphere” type wrong or totally off-base “the Earth is a triangle” type wrong? (I’m usually looking for high school level algebra topics, which it’s pretty accurate for, although they’re often not explained the way I’d prefer.)

          1. Jenny F. Scientist*

            For simpler things, it’s Earth is a sphere type errors (probably fine for algebra); in more complex things it’s more “the Earth is a perfect sphere with a completely regular orbit and we can discount the gravitational contributions of its moon and also water has no mass”. Or it’ll just leave things out, on the order of “there are no mountains on Earth”.

            1. online teacher*

              Makes sense. I often feel like their content is incorrectly leveled for the grade/class it claims to be for. (They’ll re-use the same video to explain a given topic across a pretty wide grade band rather than making different videos better targeted to what’s appropriate complexity-wise for that age or class.)

    4. Aurora Leigh*

      I was homeschooled from ’96-’09, so I don’t think you’re crazy! Much easier to do these days than back then too (we had dial up internet lol). It’s an option I plan to explore when I have my own kids.

      Check out HSLDA ( Home School Legal Defense Association) to get an idea of what the legal requirements are in your state. They are a Christian based organization (not sure how you would feel about that).

      There are tons of curriculum choices and companies these days, and I’m probably a bit out of touch, but Cathy Duffy has a book of 100 top picks that was the gold standard back in the day.

      I would reccomend making sure you have some kind of weekly opportunity to get out of the house and socialize with other kids once things go back to normal though.

    5. Roja*

      I was homeschooled K-12 and am part of a large, diverse social circle of other former homeschoolers so I’ve seen the good, bad, and very ugly. It was mostly a good experience for me, but I really can’t stress enough that it’s not something you just get Khan for and call it a day. Really educating a child takes a lot of work, like a LOT of work. I don’t think you could do a good job while working from home, unless you have a lot of flexibility and could stop your job for an hour or two at a time. Your daughter is 8… she’s still going to need a lot of hands-on instructional time. I remember my mom putting in hours and hours pouring over the curriculum to get her ducks in a row, and that was with a totally pre-made, video-based curriculum. School districts also have resources that you cannot hope to compete with in terms of lab equipment, school counselors, sports/extracurriculars (though you might live in a place where those are available to homeschoolers through the schools), help for learning disabilities, career counseling in high school, etc.

      Homeschooling can be a really good option, if you have enough money to get your kid into co-ops and tutoring that fill in gaps you can’t fill yourself. And if your child likes being by herself all day. And if you have the time (so. much. time) to do all the grading, the explaining, the hand-holding, and the checking in that a teacher would normally do. [Full disclosure–I teach arts to 7 y/o through adult, and no matter how independent a learner is, it’s a lot of work.] A good teacher is able to open horizons for students because they know their subject very well. Normally, that responsibility spread out over all the child’s teachers through their life. But if you homeschool, the responsibility for that is on you 100%. Or at least the responsibility to find teachers via co-ops etc is on you 100%.

      For some kids, it’s a godsend. But if you’re not willing or able to put in the work, your child WILL come out with educational gaps. Even I did, and I had a well-educated mom who put tons of thought and time and money into my education. Of course, a lot depends on your local schools; if your daughter is already very unhappy at school, or is being bullied or something similar, that changes things.

      If you read that and you think, “oh yeah, that’s realistic for us, and my kid loves being on her own and is very independent,” then no, it’s not too crazy. If you read it and you think, “hm, my kid would love it but I’d rather not do the lesson planning stuff,” check into your state’s resources. There are some good public online schooling options–Pennsylvania (I think?) has one and many other areas do too. (Also, if you go for it, skip HSLDA, seriously, and go for the Coalition for Responsible Home Education.)

    6. Candi*

      My daughter has been doing half regular schooling and half Grad Alliance -and she was doing SO MUCH BETTER at Grad Alliance online schooling that JUST before the lockdown we were trying to get her switched to full-time GA.

      Guess what process got fouled up by the quarantine? But we’ll keep trying.

      Part of the issue is high school classrooms trigger anxiety in her, which affects her ability to do the work.

      There’s no specific event involved; she was diagnosed with a low-grade anxiety disorder back in middle school. I suspect, and her counselor agrees, that part of the issue is the lack of freedom in HS; in a college classroom, she could leave and walk outside for a few minutes. In most work environments, she could find a reason to move around -I have warned her off call centers, she’d spike. When she’s super busy AND moving around, she seems to do best.

  36. LonelyHeart*

    Well, a 3.5 month relationship just ended over video chat… How’s everyone else’s day?

    Trying to figure out how to keep me mind occupied when I can’t do anywhere, do anything or see anyone. (I live alone.)

    1. Not So NewReader*

      Aw. so sorry.

      I was thinking about hunting around for online volunteer work. Maybe this is an idea for you?

    2. coffee cup*

      Oh, that sucks. Sorry to hear it. Virtual hug if you’d like one.

      I live alone too and it’s tricky even for a big introvert like me not to see anyone all week (I’m sociable as well). Do you have any tasks you can do that will distract you? This is just for me, obviously, but yoga and cleaning have been two good ones for me the past week.

    3. WineNot*

      I’m sorry to hear that! Is it nice out where you are? I would absolutely get yourself outside and go for a walk or just lie on some grass and breathe for a few minutes. That usually helps me to de-stress.

      Can you also video chat with friends or family? Those have also helped keep me sane during these crazy times of being alone.

      1. Wishing You Well*

        +1
        I’m also sorry to hear about the breakup and approve the walk outside. Fresh air is great for clearing the mind!

    4. Laura H.*

      Sending all the Jedi hugs. So sorry.

      Are there people you can call and actually have a chat with? That’s helped me not be in as bad spirits as I could.

    5. Effie, who gets to be herself*

      Aww, I’m sorry to hear. Do you like reorganizing? I’ll usually reorganize my clothes or books or craft supplies when stressed, it’s very soothing. Virtual hugs to you if you want them!

  37. WineNot*

    Does anyone have any tips on dating in the time of coronavirus?

    I had been on a few dates with two different guys before this all began, and have still been communicating with them via text since this all…but it’s kind of weird to just keep texting with no end in sight or any idea of when we might be able to hang out again. We are in the age of texting, I understand that it is different than it’s been in the past. I know some people are doing FaceTime “dates”, which is interesting and has been discussed. But wondering if anyone has any tips on keeping this fun and interesting while we wait until we can actually spend time together again? Thanks!

    1. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

      I literally just got back into dating before all of this. For the first time in 2 years, I found myself with enough free time and energy to get back into dating, and had just begun talking to a couple of people before lock down. I’ve been facetiming and it’s been working well so far. I try to make it seem like as much a real date as possible by dressing up and getting a drink. I’m not sure how long this will last though. I’m currently looking into games that can be played remotely as a fun activity.

      1. WineNot*

        The FaceTime date is a good idea! I told the guy I like more that I haven’t put on makeup or done my hair since 3/12 so if he is OK with that, I could bring him to the beach where I am for our date hahaha we shall see. Finding game apps to play is a good idea too, although I don’t really like playing games on my phone, though it definitely gives you something to talk about and be competitive about!

    2. Weyrwoman*

      Discord video chats while playing a game together might be worthwhile! If you have Tabletop Simulator on Steam you can get boardgames to play from the Workshop.
      My partner and I had a hour+ video chat over Facebook Messenger the other night while we both separately played games. It was really nice :)

      1. WineNot*

        That is very cute! I can imagine if I were separated from a boyfriend, it would be a different feeling and we would be facetiming often. But I have only been on three dates with this guy, so maybe I just have to get over the hump of “this is awkward” and accept that this is the new normal for however long and that it can be good bonding for us too.

    3. Artemesia*

      We have found our small Zoom dinner parties and cocktail hours to be a lot more like a real meeting than I had imagined. I know it is a bigger burden when it is dating and not just hanging with friends, but I would go ahead and zoom date — get a beer, chat, and when this is over you will be able to continue regular dates having build up a friendship on line.

      1. WineNot*

        Thank you! You guys have convinced me to set up a “date”…….when I get a new phone. Because mine fell in the ocean. Good luck quarantine-dating to everyone else out there!

    4. Dog Fosterer*

      It depends on your area’s rules, but I know of people who are getting together for walks. I have invited a coworker to walk their dog with mine, with each of us on a different side of the narrow street, so keeping 6′ apart. They moved here recently, and don’t have a lot of support, and as both of us need to walk our dogs we might as well.

      Can you walk together? Or sit at either end of a picnic table?

  38. Policy wonk*

    Juzt finished grocery shopping. The store is better stocked but I found what they are out of to be interesting. No surprise that there are no paper goods at all. But they were almost out of pasta, flour, frozen vegetables, and cheese pizza (they had plenty of pepperoni.) What about your stores?

    1. Loopy*

      I couldn’t find vegetable oil and there was a huge space on the shelves indicating it really was out. I found that to be the most bizarre thing.

        1. Artemesia*

          Last time I shopped — pasta, pasta sauces, applesauce, bread, peanut butter and milk were completely out of stock. I stood on the base of the cooler and looked at the very top shelf and found two half gallons of some brand of milk I had never seen before and got those last two.

          But I just did an enormous Instacart shop yesterday (no longer going out at all — I am old) and was able to get cooking oil, two gallons of milk, bread, meats and produce etc. They were able to fill the complete order with only a few substitutions. My plan is to do a shop like this every two weeks. I was really impressed by the service; if you use them note that you can give a decent tip. There is 5% built in but in times like these with gig workers doing the work, I would not do such an order without at least a 20% tip.

          Our small freezer is now complete full including with soups and stews we have made. I am reluctant to eat into the stored foods as we don’t know when a real supply catastrophe might occur given the incompetence of our federal government. I want to be sure we can survive for a month. So shop every two weeks and eat whatever I can get in that.

    2. Alex*

      The most decimated things in my grocery (when I last went a week ago) were TP and frozen vegetables. The only vegetable they had is peas. Guess no one likes peas in my neighborhood?

      Also very limited–canned beans and cleaning supplies. They had plenty of paper towels, but no rubber gloves (I usually replace mine every few months and wanted to get a fresh pair, but I guess not!). And definitely no clorox wipes or Lysol. There was NO Tylenol or cold medicine to be found.

      Things that they had in abundance but I’ve heard are short elsewhere were eggs, produce, pasta, bread, cereal, and canned tomatoes.

      1. RC Rascal*

        In my neighborhood the only frozen vegetables left were the brussel sprouts. I guess my neighbors eat peas and yours eat the brussel sprouts!

        1. Artemesia*

          LOL. we ordinarily dn’t eat frozen veggies and yes ours are pretty much out too. I got the last two peas which I used in chicken dumplings and stews. There was pretty much nothing else.

          I’d love to have frozen veggies and fruits but there is no longer any freezer room — meat, stews and a couple of loaves of bread and it is full.

      3. Valancy Snaith*

        I went grocery shopping Thursday for the first time in two weeks. The frozen aisle looked pretty sad–the only frozen veggies available were spinach and kale, the only frozen fruit was…sliced limes and lemons. And shockingly low on frozen waffles!

    4. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      I can’t quite tell how much of the havoc at my grocery store is because they were in the middle of a massive remodel before the world fell apart, vs actually having been bought out of things. They had entire aisles of toilet paper this morning, albeit with a sign limiting people to one pack per customer group (so, no “mom buys one pack and dad buys one pack” or whatever, unless you’re really sneaky about it), but they had signs limiting various purchases – no more than two of any individual item for butter/eggs/milk, no more than 8 per item for dry goods or canned goods, stuff like that. Very little pasta, not a lot of plain bread but lots of the fancier stuff, cinnamon swirl and the like. Lots of pork and beef, almost no chicken or turkey. The only cheese they had was either super expensive stuff, or sliced habanero jack. I got the last couple packages of frozen green beans, but lots of peas, and a bunch of the fancier frozen veg options (with rice, with sauces, asparagus, etc). The other grocery store I sometimes go to, a couple of days ago, had like four freezer sections full of frozen broccoli, but no other frozen veg.

      1. Parenthetically*

        Our grocery stores got on the rationing pretty quickly too, which was good, and almost all of them have instituted “senior hour” first thing after opening (and thus first thing after the store has been cleaned) in the morning for seniors and immune-compromised people. My folks were able to get everything on their list except peroxide last weekend.

      1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        A lot of places had empty bread shelves. and it’s a good way to pass the time I guess.

      2. Caterpie*

        I actually finished off my big hand soap jug right before things got serious (I use it to fill up the smaller ones by the sink) and have not been able to get another for weeks! We have about half a little one left so I’m hoping they restock the grocery store soon! We’ve been using dish soap and homemade hand sanitizer from a friend to stretch out the supply.

      3. Valancy Snaith*

        Yeast can’t be found anywhere in my small town for love or money. Flour is in short supply, but is slightly more available. Even with the stores enforcing one-per-person limits…I don’t know. As someone who has been baking her own bread weekly for months, I’m more than a little irritated. (And especially irritated with the people on Facebook admitting they bought up tons of flour to use for craft projects for their kids.) It’s one of the only things they’re having trouble restocking.

        1. Amy*

          So many fellow parents are posting about making play-dough or other crafts with food for small kids, and it’s irking me too. Flour is so scarce around here right now and I hate to see people wasting food when others are desperately in need of it.

        2. noahwynn*

          Same, I’ve been making my own bread for a couple of years now. Trying sourdough now I guess.

    6. I enjoy being an adult*

      My husband and I went out today and he could not find any cilantro or mint leaves. That was surprising.

      1. Wishing You Well*

        I wish you were in my area! The tofu section is completely stocked surrounded by empty shelves where cheese and bologna used to be!

        1. London Calling*

          This is going to be a good way for the shops to tell what lines really aren’t selling even when people are panicking, isn’t it?

    8. ThatGirl*

      Crackers, TP, soup, sugar, butter and flour. Other stuff has mostly been in stock though maybe not every flavor/brand.

    9. Natalie*

      The weirdest one I’ve observed so far was zero types of salted butter, including the organic and imported variety. But fully stocked on *unsalted* butter including the cheap store brand.

      1. Not a cat*

        The first weekend of PANIC SHOP I was in the dairy section of the grocery store. I was standing in between two sisters (in their 50s or 60s). Sister #1- ” Sis, Just take all the butter, all of it…” Sister #2,-“But why would I do that, we don’t need it and others might?” Sister #2 looks at me “Right?” Me-“Right!” Sister#1 makes a disgusted noise and loads at least a dozen containers into her cart. Sister#2 shrugs and shakes her head.

        People are obnoxious and selfish.

      1. Artemesia*

        Our Instacart shopper brought us 8 bananas ALL super ripe so we will be gorging on bananas. We of course always buy green ones or a mix.

        1. Jdc*

          Reminds me of when I asked for 5 bananas but ended up with 5 bunches. A couple weeks ago before all this same thing happened to my friend.

    11. muddy paws*

      Here cleaned out shelves are: all beans, lentils, pasta, rice, almost all flour, spaghetti sauce, canned tomatoes/veg, almost all frozen veg and fruit, and most cooking oils (limited supply of high-end oils), paper goods, dishwasher detergent, kitchen soap.

    12. Elizabeth West*

      The Aldi near me had almost everything on Thursday. Of course, paper products were low, but they have (finally) imposed a limit of one each on TP packs, so I was able to snag an 18-roll. They’ve limited canned goods to four of each variety per person. The only thing I wanted and couldn’t find was Vienna sausages (yeah, I know, but I only eat them like once a year). I don’t know if they didn’t ship any in or if the locusts got them all.

    13. Recreational Moderation*

      Not exactly about a missing product, but: In the grocery store the other day I glanced down an aisle that seemed to be completely empty of products on both sides and caught a flash of red. Hmm, that’s weird. Walked down the aisle and on a center shelf in the middle of the aisle found a stack of about 12 small red boxes, huddled neatly together as if in fear. They just looked so lonely! Seems nobody in my neighborhood wants hummus pasta. I almost bought one, just to see what it tastes like.

    14. Caterpie*

      I actually finished off my big hand soap jug right before things got serious (I use it to fill up the smaller ones by the sink) and have not been able to get another for weeks! We have about half a little one left so I’m hoping they restock the grocery store soon! We’ve been using dish soap and homemade hand sanitizer from a friend to stretch out the supply.

    15. LJay*

      Our main grocery store is Whole Foods and I am impressed with how well the purchasing limits have been working. 2 weeks ago when I went they were out of most things (meats, vegetables, paper goods, frozen foods). Since they’ve instituted per-person purchase limits most things have remained in stock.

      When it was sold out, the cauliflower pizza crusts and anything that was a couple dollars more because of being organic were the most noticeably passed over things. I guess you don’t panic-buy those.

    16. Llama Face!*

      Ground beef is the weirdest one I’ve noticed so far. Back in the earlier panic days carrots and all the smooth peanut butter (but not the chunky or light peanut butter) totally disappeared; thankfully they are now restocked.
      Oh and also the gummy calcium I like to take daily is permanently sold out (can’t swalllow those horse pills and the other varieties are really chalky so this makes me sad).

      1. Jdc*

        Chicken gizzards. That one was weird to me. My husband wanted some Cajun rice recipe that requires them. I wouldn’t think that would be our and frankly myself had never even bought them prior.

    17. KoiFeeder*

      All the chocolate ice cream is gone. The other kinds are still there, it’s literally just the chocolate. As an autistic who just discovered how much I need my chocolate routine… It’s been rough.

    18. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

      Baking powder is in short supply here. I ended up going to three stores to find it, and they only had 3 cans left so I only bought one. (I go through quite a bit because it’s an ingredient in my daily breakfast baking.)

      No one has any toilet paper still, which is going on almost a month now and starting to be pretty baffling since consumption shouldn’t be up so it would make sense for resupply to have smoothed over the demand spike, but no one has any still. I’m not out yet, but I’ve been keeping an eye on it every time I’m at the store anyway because this is bizarre.

      Costco had no eggs, but everyone else had plenty of eggs. I’m kind of regretting that I bought the fancy brown eggs like I usually do because I forgot that Easter is coming up and I usually get white eggs to dye for Easter. Maybe I’ll dye something else this year. (I’m also not sure that I have any food dye, now that I think of it. That’s something I pretty much only use for Easter, and I may well not have any food coloring either since some years I do onion skin dyes instead but I have no red onions right now either. I just wasn’t really in “Easter mode” at the store. Oh well.)

      I didn’t look for flour or pasta since I’m not out of those. My preferred pasta is from the Winco bulk section and I’m just not going to deal with that right now, so I figure when I run out of pasta I’ll start making my own. (I’m about halfway through my usual 50 pound sack of whole wheat flour, so I should be good on flour for another couple of months even if I start using it to make pasta in addition to the rest of the things I make. Hopefully supply will have stabilized before it gets low enough to be ready to replace.)

      If it weren’t for trying to limit contacts, I wish I could set up some kind of “I have a lot of this but could use more of that” exchange. I have at least one unopened jug of bleach (maybe two) because I stocked up at Costco a few years ago when I was having some plumbing issues that led to needing to mop the utility room with bleachwater repeatedly while swearing, and I’d be happy to trade them to someone who panic-bought either baking powder or hand sanitizer (I have none because it’s not the kind of thing I’d use normally) but who needs bleach. I’d also be happy to trade some of my extra yeast (I bought a bunch over the winter in case I got snowed in and wanted to bake bread) for baking powder, which I suspect a lot of people recently bought as a second choice when they realized the stores were out of yeast. Oh well. (I’ll probably use the yeast to make pizza dough, since pizza sounds pretty good and is something I’d usually go out for every few weeks.)

    19. Panthera uncia*

      All the microwave popcorn is bought out, except Orville Redenbacher. Apparently that brand sucks?

      Still no paper products at all, the entire aisle is completely bare. People are saying you have to get to stores right at opening time to get stock, but our stores are letting in only senior citizens for the first hour of business, and (at least in my area) that demographic is the worst of the hoarders.

      1. Not a cat*

        Amazon’s third-party sellers have jacked up the pricing on rice to an astonishing level. I found a 10lb bag of my preferred basmati for $55. Normally I pay about $15.

      2. AnonoDoc*

        You can pop regular popcorn in a microwave in a paper bag (obviously end folded over several times. Then add real butter to taste.

    20. Buni*

      I’m in central London. Haven’t seen toilet roll or pasta in almost two weeks and the only rice my huge local supermarket has is the 10kg bags for £14, which I’m…not quite ready for yet (also had to queue for 20 minutes to get in, they were doing one-in-one-out). I did find tinned tomatoes for the first time in a week but absolutely no tinned fish. Plenty of fresh produce, just no store-cupboard stuff.

      I’m taking the opportunity to try new stuff – got a couple of packets of some cheap Japanese noodles that look interesting!

      1. London Calling*

        Buni – try Nisa, if you have one near you, or your local small shops. I haven’t been in my local supermarket for two weeks and the queue this morning was hours long, but the local small shops are pretty well stocked.And some of them will deliver.

        1. Buni*

          I’m using the local Londis for bread + milk but they’re not brilliant for other stuff – and twice the price! Going to Tesco gives me a nice walk along the canal path as well.

    21. Nicki Name*

      We got brown organic eggs and a package of fancy gourmet mushrooms on our last shopping trip because the store was completely sold out of the normal varieties.

      Last week, the fresh vegetables section had almost everything it normally has but someone had made off with all the celery.

    22. The Librarian (not the type from TNT)*

      Beans have been consistently out, but not *red* beans. Which is nice, because that’s the type of beans I use for the chili I make frequently.

      Thin-sliced chicken — or really any kind of chicken breasts — have been tricky to find. It’s the only type of meat that my wife or I eat, so we can’t just substitute with a different meat.

      But I’ve stunningly had zero problems buying cheese, milk, pasta, orange juice, or produce of any sort at any point, and only once did I see eggs totally out of stock. We use regular dairy milk and that’s always been stocked at every store I’ve been to. (The trendy non-dairy milks have been a different story.) Sometimes I’ve had to buy alternate brands, but with the exception of chicken and beans, I feel like I’ve been fairly fortunate so far. My tune may change when it comes time for me to buy paper towels, toilet paper or ibuprofen.

    23. Amy*

      I haven’t physically been inside a grocery store in about 3 weeks now (we’re using Instacart delivery here in Corona-fornia) but based on what the shoppers have and have not been able to get, there are a lot of things that are scarce here. In particular: milk, eggs, flour, yeast, frozen veggies, TP, paper towels, and some cheeses. Fresh produce has been no problem – I think people are scared of it (I am too!). Milk has gotten better lately but yeast and paper products are nowhere to be found. Fortunately we have our own flock of backyard hens so we’re good on eggs (and we’re giving all our extras to our elderly neighbors).

    24. Chinook*

      Flour and yeast are back in stock around here after a week. I was amused to see those out of stock as it isn’t usually something you hoard (especially since the bakery is fully stocked) and just figured that many people thought that they now have tim to bake (which I willadmit to thinkjng/doing too)

    25. Miss Pantalones en Fuego*

      I last went to the shop on Wednesday, I think? They finally had toilet paper in stock but only self-raising flour. Most of the meat was still out, but the vegetables were fully stocked.

    26. Seeking Second Childhood*

      No flour in containers bigger than 1 pound. Very little rice except in what must be 50 pound bags. Strange gaps in things like barbecue sauce. (Sweet Baby Ray’s is wasting its time with its specialty flavors — there are plenty of those, but none of the original formula. NONE.) The distilled water is back – my CPAP machine and I can rest easy again. Plenty of bread, but large gaps of brands. No rye bread.
      People were extraordinarily polite which was good for slightly claustrophobic me. I was asked to reach something down for someone not as tall as I am, after which we had a grand conversation.
      One thing I dislike is that the store is camouflaging holes in the shelves by spreading things out sideways. My previous big stock-up expedition, I didn’t notice they were doing that and ended up with a bunch of whole-wheat spaghetti instead of the regularly priced stuff whose shelf it was on. It’s not THAT much more expensive, but I’m the only one in the family who really likes it. Whoops.

  39. Mimmy*

    Any jigsaw puzzle fans out there?

    I loved doing jigsaw puzzles when I was in college but stopped for years. I started doing them again a couple years ago. I wasn’t going to do them while I was in school but with having to be home now, I’m doing them as a way to keep me off the computer and away from constant updates. I find it oddly therapeutic when puzzles start coming together. I tend to do 1,000 piece puzzles.

    1. New Fed Here*

      Me too. Our local library–which has been closed and will remain so for the forseeable future–has them to borrow. I should have picked up a few before this happened.

    2. Valancy Snaith*

      I love them! My mom loved jigsaw puzzles and I did them with her frequently in winter, and I still keep them as mostly a wintertime activity. It’s very relaxing to listen to an audiobook or podcast and crank away at them. My personal best is finishing a 1000-piece puzzle the day after I got it, but I usually try to take my time and stretch them out. Oddly enough, there’s a thriving market here for reselling them on Facebook–so much so that I can never manage to find any used, they’re always snapped up almost instantly!

    3. fposte*

      I adore them. I get so obsessed with them that I can only put one out when I don’t have something else to do, because I will do nothing until they’re done.

      1. The New Wanderer*

        Same. I get really into it, and will get territorial if others try to help but are cavalier about how they do it. I am not rude, of course, but it makes me anxious all the same because it wrecks my flow.

      2. Mimmy*

        That’s why, before the CV crisis, I wouldn’t allow myself to do puzzles once I started school in January because I know how easily time can get away from me once I’m into a puzzle. But now that we’re home essentially 24/7, I need something to break up the day and to keep myself off of social media.

        New Wanderer – haha SAME!! I too sometimes have a flow going and if my husband were to ever offer his help, he wouldn’t like my answer ;)

    4. Enough*

      Yes. Though I have certain styles I prefer. This is my daughter’s go to present for me.

    5. KristinaL*

      I love jigsaw puzzles too, and 1000 is a fun size! And if I’m working on a jigsaw puzzle at night, it is soooo hard to stop and go to bed.

    6. Artemesia*

      My ten year old granddaughter just developed an enthusiasm for these before the pandemic and we have one just started on our dining room table that we started with her — alas we won’t see her in person till this is over.

      I bought her ‘the world’s hardest puzzle’ which is a 500 piece puzzle with a picture of cupcakes on it — on BOTH sides — with the back side of it at a sort of angle — so you don’t know looking at a piece which side of the puzzle it is. That should keep her busy for awhile.

      1. Seeking Second Childhood*

        There are online apps for jigsaw puzzles — maybe one of them lets multiple users play at the same time!

    8. GoryDetails*

      I love them – though I prefer those with clear and relatively complex pictures; no solid-color ones for me! I have a number of the “Buried Blueprints” series, which feature elaborate illustrations with smaller inserts and tiny captions, everything from Noah’s Ark to Robin Hood to Dracula. (Oh, and I have some Stave puzzles too, hand-crafted wooden ones ranging from tricky types where pieces may combine in multiple ways to traditional but still stunning ones.)

      I have fond family memories of doing jigsaw puzzles on the dining room table. Nowadays I don’t have a dining room, and my cats are too lively for me to risk leaving puzzles exposed for very long, so if I tackle them at all it’s on a “puzzle-keeper” tray that I can slam shut if the cats decide it’s time for gymnastics.

      1. Not A Manager*

        We had some buried blueprints years ago! Those are my favorite puzzles and I’m sorry they’re not available anymore.

    9. Candi*

      No, but I play games that let you run ads to get stuff -and some of them are for apps that do Digital Puzzles. If anyone’s interested.

    10. Tau*

      I am a huge fan, and my mother and I plan to do a bunch during lockdown. For me it brings back childhood memories, because my family (and my mother and me especially) did a lot of jigsaw puzzles during winter. 1000 are also our most common ones – we have a few 500 or 750 if we want something quick and easy, a couple of 1500 to occupy us for longer, and one good 2000 which sees a lot of use. I’d love to give my mother a 4000 for her retirement in a few years, but it’s been hard any which look doable.

      I do tend to be picky – IMO there’s a lot of low-quality puzzles out there (like, where pieces are cut so badly that it can be really unclear if they fit together or not) and also a lot with motives I don’t care for. I don’t like puzzles where half the time I have to look at the picture to see where a piece goes – I like having patterns covering larger areas so I can do them by shape – but that can be hard to find. In practice, this means that we have a ton of Heye puzzles and some Ravensburger, and I won’t buy outside those brands because I’ve had bad experiences and don’t want to risk it. Although I was super disappointed by a Ravensburger puzzle recently, so who knows…

      1. Mimmy*

        Most puzzles have been Christmas or birthday gifts, and the most common have been Ravensburger and Eurographics. I’ve also been getting a catalog from Bits and Pieces and got a couple of those, though the pictures are a little boring or too complex.

        I get what you mean about having to look at the picture to figure out where the piece goes but I do find those puzzles more interesting.

      2. Elspeth Mcgillicuddy*

        Thrift store puzzles are great, though you have to take your chances with missing pieces. I personally don’t care if it’s just one or two. The price is right-usually 50 cents in my area, though I think I once paid $5 for a 3000 piece Ravensburger. You have to learn what brands are total junk, but a lot of older brands are really nice. Thick pieces that fit together like a glove and gorgeous pictures. And there is something kind of fun about opening a sun faded, dinged up box that has been on someone’s shelf for decades and discovering the pieces hidden inside are as bright and crisp as the day they were made.

        2nd hand puzzles are also the only way I would ever be able to afford to own as many as I do. I probably have 50.

          1. Hound girl*

            I love them and am now recycling a few I did years ago. The company I usually buy them from is overwhelmed.

    11. allathian*

      They’re relaxing. Also a great way to bond with a tween who otherwise only wants to watch youtube videos or play on the PS4 in his free time… We do 500 and 1,000 piece puzzles.
      I also have great memories of my own tweens and early teens doing jigsaw and crossword puzzles with my grandmother.

  40. I enjoy being an adult*

    Anyone NOT miss being a child?

    I think about this occasionally. I come across people who miss childhood, who miss not having any responsibilities and desperately want to go back to those days.

    I don’t begrudge anyone of that but I can’t say I ever miss my childhood. Or even my teens. I miss certain people from my childhood (namely relatives who have passed) and I enjoy seeing fashions and pop culture from my teen years and I definitely miss how I looked in my 20s…..but I personally have never wished I could be a child or a 20-something again. 

    For me, adulthood means more freedoms. There’s more responsibilities true, but there are freedoms as well with those responsibilities. I can wear what I want, go where I want, eat what I want, speak to whomever I want. I decide my limitations, no one else. It also means knowing I have the tools at my disposal to help myself when I need it.

    I know this is a very basic declaration and life is way more nuanced but at this very basic level…to me childhood means being powerless and not having knowledge.

    1. fposte*

      God, no, I don’t miss it. There’s an old B. Kliban cartoon of an old man, and the caption is “‘It was hell,’ recalls former child.” I had a perfectly decent childhood, but the thrill of adulthood has never really waned. I’ll take having to pay income tax in exchange for being able to do whatever I want.

      1. I enjoy being an adult*

        Your last line makes me weep. Child of my heart (or however that phrase goes). I will gladly get up early, go to a job, listen to a boss if it means that I don’t have to stay home and dependent on someone else supporting me or taking govt benefits. Even when I was a kid I wanted nothing more than to grow up.

        1. I enjoy being an adult*

          and on a side note, I have read of way too many people who challenge that thinking that you and I have and say “the downfall of society is that you’d rather listen to your boss than your parents/spouse.”

    2. Aly_b*

      Oh gosh no. I kind of always figured my early 30s were gonna be my time to shine (like, since I was about 14 that was my plan) and here we are and aside from the pandemic thing I was 100% correct. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go bake cinnamon buns for lunch, like an adult.

    3. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

      Heck no. I wouldn’t be younger than 20 again if you paid me, and even most of my 20s were pretty whack. My life skyrocketed into amazing the summer before my 30th birthday and has stayed there ever since.

      1. Misty*

        People keep telling me things get better when you’re out of your twenties and I’m hoping that’s true for me! Things are obviously much better than my teens but 20s are confusing and stuff too (in my experience).

        1. I enjoy being an adult*

          IME they did. I spent most of my 20s looking for a full time job (I was 22 in the 2008 recession) and things were rough then. I was facing challenges in my marriage. My hair and skin were great and I weighed less lol but I still didn’t feel attractive enough.

          Mentally my 30s have been a million times better — I learned to examine my patterns and look at where I went wrong. I’ve still had challenges and made mistakes but I’m more secure in what I want and how I feel if that makes any sense.

          1. LJay*

            Hey we’re the same age!

            And I’ll agree that my 30s have definitely been better than my 20s. It was like 2015 before my life really started getting better after graduating right into the recession.

            And I wish I were as skinny right now as I was when I thought I was hideously fat in my 20s.

        2. Reba*

          The thirties are awesome! I heard that from a mentor when I was in college — like, no one tells you this but your thirties are actually great. Can confirm.

        4. Jdc*

          I say for sure. I wouldn’t even go back to my 20s minus making some better financial decisions since many of us don’t make the best choices then. Physically I am more confident as well as mentally.

          The only thing now for me is getting too old to have a child when that’s always been insanely important to me.

    4. Super Awk*

      Not even a tiny bit. Love being an adult. Love having my own routine. Love thriving. I find it hard to deeply relate (in the moment) to those who are missing being a child. I can empathise with them, I can envy them, I can admire their strong family dynamics etc – but in my head I’m thinking ‘thank the good heavens, last time I checked I was still in my thirties!’ Solidarity IEBAA!

      1. I enjoy being an adult*

        not sure of IEBAA but YES! I do envy people who think that but like you I can’t relate to them.

        I definitely think there is a connection with those who had great family lives and wanting to be kids again vs…me. Not that I’m saying anyone here had a bad childhood but this is my own personal experience. Ironically, majority of my childhood was spent in forced isolation and I definitely know it did a number on me, if not physically then definitely mentally.

        1. Blueberry*

          IEBAA is the acronym of your excellent username. :) And I’m with you. I did not enjoy my childhood for the most part (in part because no one in my life had any concept of boundaries). I have far more power and self determination now. I’ll take that over being ‘cared for’ any day.

    5. earl of sandwich*

      Nope, love being an adult. And tbh, can’t wait until I am an empty nester in about 2 years and can get back to being responsible only to myself again. And the husband…but that is a different level of responsibility.

    6. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

      Me. My parents were super controlling and nitpicky, and kids at school bullied me a lot because of it. I’m happy they’ve gone quiet in the last few years and stop policing me, even though I still live with them.

    7. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

      Nope. My childhood was relatively good all things considered, and I enjoyed high school for what it was. But adulthood is SO much better. Like you said, it’s the freedom. I really like not living with my parents. I get to date whoever I want, stay out as late as I want, cook (or not cook!) and eat whatever I want. I also enjoy getting to socialize with people who are (ideally) more mature and educated than, well, the kids you were forced to socialize with in school. And if someone sucks, you can opt out of the friendship pretty easily.

    8. Asenath*

      I had a happy childhood, but I wouldn’t go back if I could. I like being an adult. I wanted to be an adult early on because I saw it as a way to get out and see a bit of the world, and although I have of course learned about the responsibilities and limitations adults have, I still wouldn’t go back to being a child again. It would mean leaving behind all I have done and learned since, and all I might do and learn before I die.

    9. Cheesesteak in Paradise*

      I wouldn’t mind being (physically) 26-28 forever. I was in grad school, looked my best, had a great group of friends to have over for card games whenever (not always as easy pushing 40), my own condo. Was a good time in life. Though I like the increased knowledge and maturity I have now. And lots more money.

      I would not be a teenager again for any money.

      1. tangerineRose*

        I think 26-28 would be a great age for all adults to stay at physically. I don’t miss being a kid, except that there were some toys that were fun for me then that would be boring now. I know that’s normal, but there were some things that were more exciting for the then. But I’d rather be an adult for the freedom and ability to make choices.

    10. Dan*

      Nope.

      My dad has had the same employer since I was born, but it wasn’t a good paying job in those days. We were constantly broke. Everybody else had the toys. I’m not going back to that.

    11. LQ*

      I absolutely love being an adult. I know that my body doesn’t spring back from illness, injury, exhaustion, etc quite the way it did in my 20s, but everything else, everything else is better now.

    12. Elizabeth West*

      I can’t say I miss being a child, since my childhood was awful in many ways. What I do miss is certain places I went and things I did. I would still do those things as an adult, so I miss them. The places are gone now, or inaccessible to me, which makes me a bit sad. I do wish I could have taken pictures of them at least.

      I would like to be thirty again, though. If anyone comes up with a way to do that, let me know. :P

      1. Artemesia*

        I wish I could be 30 again knowing what I know now — I’d be a better mother and a better professional — I did okay but so much anxiety that was needless and so many things I could have done better.

        My 50s 60s and now 70s have all been fabulous — This past year though has brought family tragedy, retirement savings evaporating and of course the spectre of plague — but up until this year my life was perfect and a lot better than childhood and youth. I feel like I have had my share but would like to have a few more years before the inevitable losses that eventually we all must bear.

    13. Cartographical*

      I miss the childhood I didn’t get but I don’t miss being a child at all. Responsibility without agency is one of the worst torments that can be inflicted upon anyone and I was both “little wife” and “little mother” (regardless of gender) to my healthy parent and my ill parent/younger sibling respectively while having no say in anything. Even in a functional family, childhood should have its responsibilities so I don’t know about this mythical time people reference where they “had no cares”. I had a little job starting when I was seven that made enough money to contribute to groceries and, frankly, that was pretty normal for children where I grew up. It was certainly normal for my father and his siblings as well and was by no means traumatizing in and of itself.

      As someone who helped raise children (being a nanny) and then raised my own, children should have just enough power to match their knowledge and their circumstances, both of which should be cultivated by parents to suit the child’s capabilities — it’s how we learn to handle our power and responsibilities as adults. So childhood shouldn’t be about ignorance and powerlessness, either, but it too often is.

      Adulthood is a wonderful time and, if it’s not, that’s on how we’ve structured our society and governments, especially when it comes to corporatist capitalism. And, to a lesser extent, it’s on our personal values — not feeling positively about our recreation because it’s not “productive” or what we create isn’t “good”. I haven’t come across anything that I’ve seen the children in my care enjoy that can’t be replicated in its excitement and novelty and exploration for adults — art, cooking, play, sport, adventure, pretending.

      I think, ideally, we shouldn’t miss childhood. We might miss the people who were present, and sometimes we might miss the newness of some things, but that newness can be replaced by the thrill of seeing it again with all the knowledge of how fun it was the first time. I’ve often thought I could make quite a nice little business out of an “adult daycare”, where people could come and do art and climb things and have cookies and juice and be praised for trying even if their efforts don’t come to anything. If that’s the part of childhood people miss, it’s certainly out there to be had instead of wishing for a do-over.

      1. Not So NewReader*

        So much here, thank you for this.
        Two things that really jumped at me:

        “had no cares”. Why-why-why. I can remember so many condescending adults pointing out to young me that I had no cares and I will regret growing up. (Being told I will regret something later is a special pet peeve of mine.) That went into a silent vow that I would never ever say that to a child. Ever. And I have kept that promise. For some people childhood is the worst part of their life, older people in that era did not seem to understand that. I decided the comment was more about them than anything that would ever be of value in my life. They probably regretted growing up or perhaps they had not grown up YET.

        I agree, ideally we should not miss childhood. I mean why would a grown adult want to go back to being spoon fed or go back to learning the alphabet? But I do totally get missing some people or places. I don’t think missing specific things/people is the same as missing childhood. But for some reason I have never regretted getting older. I have never wanted to go back to the previous decade or an earlier time. I guess it’s the practicality, what is the point of wishing for something that will never happen?

        1. I enjoy being an adult*

          This is really well put as well.

          I definitely don’t miss asking my parents for permission to step foot outside of the house. I spent my childhood/teenhood in almost total isolation not unlike what we are facing now.

          I kind of understand why some adults wish this – so that they don’t have to worry about bills or going to a job or dealing with insurance or buying a home etc. To me those things are a part of normal adult life, and all I ever wanted was to have a “normal” life (whatever definition fits in there).

          It’s heartwarming to read that even people with happy normal childhoods can relate to what I’m saying.

      2. I enjoy being an adult*

        That is beautifully put. Thank you.

        I also love the idea of an adult daycare. I know some companies do an adult summer camp that has similar activities as the summer camps of childhood.

    14. Kuododi*

      My sister and I were discussing this very topic the other evening we were both of the opinion we would never want to go back in age. Ideally, we would prefer to stay our current age with all of the memories, emotions and learnings while maintaining the health and vitality of age 25. (That’s reality for a parallel universe )

    15. Morning reader*

      Solidarity! My adult child gave me a present of Storyworth, and the question a couple of weeks ago was “What do you miss from childhood?” (Paraphrased.)

      Other than my family members who were still alive then, I had trouble coming up with much (imaginative play, which I still do but it doesn’t have that immersive quality) so I segued into all the things I *don’t” miss and then all the things I much prefer about being an adult. And I had a lovely childhood. But eek hand-me-downs, and finish everything on your plate, I still shudder in horror.

      1. Not So NewReader*

        Like you, I can’t think of a lot that I miss. Some stuff does make me smile, like thinking of milk and dairy deliveries.

        My elders used to talk about their childhood as a happier time. I don’t see people doing that much any more.

    16. LJay*

      I feel the exact same way. I couldn’t wait to grow up when I was a kid, and now that I’m an adult I enjoy it immensely. I can’t imagine wanting to go back to that time. It makes me wonder if my childhood was worse than most or whether others just look back at it with some serious rose-colored glasses. Or if I just bristle at others having authority over me more than most.

      I love being able to do what I want, when I want it. I enjoy having my own money to be able to spend doing what I please. Yeah I have chores I need to do. But, you know what? I can choose not to do them if I really don’t want to, but then I have to deal with the consequences of having no clean clothes or bugs in my sink or whatever.

      FWIW I also don’t really identify with all the memes about all adults not knowing what they’re doing, either. Maybe they were cute when we were 19. But I still see people in my age groups sharing them. We’re all 30+ now. I am an adult. I have the internet at my disposal. I can figure out most things by myself, even if I haven’t done them before. And things that are beyond that are usually things handled by professionals that I can hire and defer to anyway. That doesn’t make them an “adultier adult”, that makes them someone who chose to make it their area of expertise, just like I have my own areas of expertise. Being my age and feeling like you shouldn’t be allowed to sign a lease just feels to me like something you should be in therapy for, not something that should be relateable for a large portion of my peer group.

      1. LJay*

        These are the types of memes I am referring to.

        https://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/that-horrifying-moment-when-youre-looking-for-an-adult-then-realize-youre-an-adult-so-you-look-for-an-older-adult-someone-successfully-adultingan-adultier-adult-f594e/

        https://xkcd.com/616/

        https://www.buzzfeed.com/cassiesmyth/memes-you-need-to-see-if-youre-shit-at-adulting?utm_source=dynamic&utm_campaign=bfsharecopy&sub=0_11360312#11360312

        https://images.app.goo.gl/7ZPXQX66LCpx6JuA9

        1. That Girl from Quinn's House*

          I’ve gotten that feeling at work, often. “Someone should do something about that…dammit I’m the someone aren’t I? Ugh, FINE.”

      2. Loopy*

        I total agree about the adulting meme type things. I totally used those terms and memes in my early and maaaaybe up to mid twenties (maybe) but I definitely phased out of it very naturally. I actually don’t see others at 30 or over using them much though!

      3. I enjoy being an adult*

        eeks. I thought some of them were funny and I would probably share something like that just for laughs.

    17. Loopy*

      I feel this way and I have perfectly happy memories of being a kid. I once had a college professor that talked about how his life truly fell apart in his late twenties but came together at 30 like magic. I knew it was silly but I kind of joked that 30 was going to be a magical age for me too. My life didn’t exactly fall apart beforehand but dang it did everything come together at 30- like some formula where I put in my hard work and rollercoaster ups and downs and the uncertainty of my 20s and bam, right at about 30 it all calmed down.

      1. Felicia*

        I turned 30 three weeks ok, so unfortunately I had doing okayish since my mid 20s, but pretty much immediately after I turned 30 the whole world fell apart

    18. Panthera uncia*

      Nothing about childhood appealed to me, but I grew up under an authoritarian (and former elite military) parent. I’m in my forties, and I still take great joy in even the tiniest things that prove my independence: buying a junky breakfast cereal, reading a book instead of slaving away at household chores, watching a movie that isn’t remotely educational.

      I would never trade an idyllic childhood for this life-long appreciation of my autonomy.

      2. WS*

        I would never trade an idyllic childhood for this life-long appreciation of my autonomy.

        Exactly! I had a pretty good childhood, and the problems I had then (mostly health) are problems I have now, but now I can work on them myself.

    19. WineNot*

      I’m in my mid-20’s and love it so much more than I thought I would growing up because I actually know who I am. It has taken me until the last couple years to really know what I want in life out of a job, a partner, my family, etc. It feels amazing to finally have that comfort with myself. And also to have the money to be able to do the things I want to do, go the places I want to go…..and if I want to hide away alone for a weekend, no one is going to judge me doing that.

    20. Anonymous Educator*

      Do a lot of people actually want to be a child again? I don’t think they do. But people may have some specific fond memories from childhood that they’re wistful about, and that’s okay.

      1. I enjoy being an adult*

        I agree, I think it is OK to miss parts of your childhood. I get nostalgic with pop culture.

        I just couldn’t relate and thought maybe I was defective somehow or that my childhood was worse than others’ who did wish they could be kids again. Glad I posted it here and got some insight that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

    21. Mazzy*

      I miss the time period but not the actual being a kid part. Life seems to be getting better with age. But I would be very interested in being this age back then to see how my experience would be different.

    22. Candi*

      I don’t miss being a kid at all, and I have Words, very Pointy Words, for these people who try to say high school is the best time of your life. For me, my thirties were -so far. My goal is to top them.

    23. Jemima Bond*

      I don’t miss being a child. Apart from reasons already mentioned, my life as an adult is much more interesting. I mean I liked school well enough and did well academically and at other stuff, but I’ve had (and still) have a really interesting career, I do hobbies I really enjoy (including some stuff I did as a child; I’m just better at it now) and I have a fun and fascinating OH that I live with.
      Also the clocks just went back here in the U.K. for british summer time, me and OH woke up at half ten and I’m just having breakfast now at eleven. No way I could have done that as a child!

    24. Alex*

      I wouldn’t be a child again for a million dollars. I can’t think of a single good thing about being a child, except maybe being within the height/weight limits on bouncy houses.

      My childhood was awful. Except the occasional bouncy house.

    25. Stephanie*

      I do not miss being a child. I kind of hated aspects of it: having zero control over your life, no decision-making power, etc. I much prefer adulthood, even with the responsibility and challenges.

    26. KR*

      I had a very hard time when I was a teenager. I miss being a child sometimes, especially when I think of my mother who died early in my teens. I miss some of the missed opportunities, the leisure time, and the freedom of being a teenager. I have regrets. But I do not miss overall being a teenager. It was hell for me and now that I have the freedom to decide all that you listed, it’s amazing. Also, my mental problems were very bad as a teenager and while I haven’t grown out of them, I have more perspective now and can function better even when I’m feeling horrible.

    27. Roja*

      It’s so refreshing to hear so many other people say this! I had a lovely childhood with fantastic parents, and I do miss certain aspects of childhood–feeling safe with them, and so on. But I LOVE having agency, gaining maturity and wisdom (only 29 so there’s lots more to go, but the last few years I’ve really come into my own), and being able to set my own course in life.

      I wouldn’t go back for any money.

    28. allathian*

      No, definitely not. I had a great childhood with decent parents who I’m sure made their share of mistakes, but they were great because they enjoyed watching me and my sister grow up, which meant that they never tried to infantilize us. My teenage years were okay. I had a few good friends at school even though I didn’t have any in my class. I wasn’t a part of the in-crowd, but I found some like minded girls in other classes. My hobbies were reading, drawing, and listening to music, so I didn’t have any friends outside of school either. College/university was great, although I feel that I really came into my own in my thirties.

      Some things about my earlier childhood make me feel nostalgic at times, but I love the agency of adulthood and wouldn’t go back for love or money. I feel rather sorry for those who feel that the best years of their lives were spent in high school. I just think they peaked early.

    29. Marion Ravenwood*

      I definitely don’t miss being a child or a teenager. I was always a bit of a weird kid, so didn’t have a lot of friends when I was younger, and when I hit my teen years I wanted my freedom and independence more than anything. I think that’s why my first year of university was one of the happiest times of my life, because I had the perfect balance of that freedom and independence but without too many responsibilities. I didn’t really feel like that again until I hit 30, and it only really truly kicked in once I got divorced last year. OK, I’ve got more responsibilities now, and will have even more still if/when I hopefully get my own place, but in a way that makes me quite excited, because of just rolling up my sleeves and doing it and doing things the way I want to without feeling judged or criticised.

  41. A bit of a saga*

    So, last night my spouse and I finally sat down and talked and decided it is time to get divorced. It’s been coming for a while but it still feels incredibly sad. I live in a place that’s on semi-lockdown and the fact that I can’t even go see a friend for a drink or go somewhere for a few days to like my wounds just makes it worse. At least we’ve already had a second place for the past couple months so we don’t have to be locked down in the same house! I feel sad and relieved and overwhelmed and scared all at once and I just needed to tell someone. At least we’re still allowed out for runs (I normally post on running in this group)

    1. nep*

      Sorry you’re going through this. May the peace and relief expand and sadness and overwhelm shrink away.
      Peace

    2. Generic Name*

      Aw man, that is rough. I’m about 3 years out from my divorce, and life is infinitely better. It is hard in the beginning, but it also felt amazing to get myself back. I spent the first few months marveling that I could do what I wanted without worrying how someone else was going to feel about it. I could make foods I love without being told it was “gross” and I could buy pink and girly stuff without someone making fun of it. Amazing.

      1. London Calling*

        I’m many years single but the night the ex Mr LC moved out (for the last time, he was like a yo-yo between me and OW) I left him to it and didn’t go home until late, then sat down on the stairs and cried. That was the last time I did, over him anyway. Then after a few weeks I realised

        1. I could wear jeans without someone telling me to dress up (for the pub on Saturday night?)
        2. I didn’t have to watch football ever again
        3. I had the whole bed to myself
        4. If I didn’t do the cleaning it didn’t matter.

        He hated shopping and always tutted when on holiday I liked to amble around the local shops and see what was what (‘We’re on holiday! what do you mean, you hate sunbathing!’). On one of my first solo holidays (in Corfu) I made a point of going to Corfu Town and looking around as many jewellers, tacky gift shops and supermarkets as I could – just because I could. Like GenericName, I got myself back. And you will too,

        1. Jedi Squirrel*

          Oh god, one of my favorite things to do when traveling is go to the grocery store that the locals go to. You can learn a lot about a culture that way.

          1. London Calling*

            I love picking up the stuff the locals cook with to bring back with me, even if it is just the convenience food like packet soups.

      2. Red Reader the Adulting Fairy*

        I traveled more in the first six months after my divorce than I had been able to for the entire seven years we were together. Glorious.

      3. Marion Ravenwood*

        It’s been a little over a year for me, and I feel the same way. I definitely had a lot of grieving to do at first but as time has gone on I’ve really relished being able to do what I wanted and not worry about whether I was doing it wrong or that someone else didn’t like what I was doing but wouldn’t tell me he didn’t like it. Even silly things like the first meal I cooked when I was apart from him being salmon (he never let me cook and hated fish with bones), or taking loads of photos of random things in the street and queuing up for ‘trendy’ restaurants on my first big solo trip without him (again, both things he hated me doing because ‘you look like a tourist’. But I am!).

    3. LibbyG*

      I’m so sorry. It’s a rough time to have a rough time.

      When I got divorced, I had some real grieving to do even though I initiated the split and I was hugely better off after it. Now I just regard my ex with distant fondness and some good memories of our years together. I hope you can get to a place like that soon.

      1. A bit of a saga*

        Thanks! We have kids together which is the really tough part of this – we will never escape each other. But I’m proud of myself for admitting to myself and my partner that I do not want to continue trying.

    4. Artemesia*

      I hope it continues to be amicable and as easy as possible. I left my first husband over 50 years ago and the last relatively blissful years of my life would not have happened without that. I married someone who was a better match and we have been very happy for nearly 50 years together — and now I am locked down with him and still enjoy his company. Divorce is hard, but when things are not ‘right’ in a marriage, you can’t create a new life if you linger in one that isn’t working. Good luck to you.

    5. LGC*

      Oh man, I’m so sorry – and I’m glad that you can escape! (It’s a bit better than the situation above about the breakup, at least.)

      Wishing you – and your hopefully soon-to-be-ex-husband – the best. (Wait, is it okay to say that?)

    6. Not So NewReader*

      I am sorry to hear this.

      One day at a time, right? I tend to think of my life as having chapters. (Where a chapter ends changes, sometimes it’s the loss of a person, or a job or a pet. This is a floating concept.) Each chapter has something that sucks but each chapter also has something that is good that I did not have in the previous chapters. I hope I can encourage you to keep looking for that locked door that suddenly flies open. It’s so easy to see when we are going away from something and hard to remember that we are also going toward something else. One day at a time.

  42. Jedi Squirrel*

    Was digging through some stuff and found my grandmother’s recipe for ass rolls, so I’ll be making those this weekend.

    Hope everyone is holding up okay.

    1. Inspector Gadget*

      I’m so curious what “Ass rolls” is a typo for. Unless it’s not?!? Can you share the recipe?

    5. um...thanks but I'll pass*

      thanks for my first laugh of the day. can’t stop chuckling when I think of “ole granny’s famous ass rolls”. it’s morphed into a a whole SNL skit in my mind…

      1. Paradiddler*

        I’ve been lurking here for weeks but this has me crying…ass rolls?! Whatever can they be?

    7. Jedi Squirrel*

      I guess a bunch of people missed the original post, but if you search for “coworkers say we shouldn’t attend a work party, I feel insulted by my new job, and more” on this site and look at LW #2, and then all the glorious comments that followed, you’ll see what I’m alluding to.

      Enjoy! Evert time I see someone who is needlessly in a high state of dudgeon, all I can think of is cheap ass rolls.

      1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        LOL that was my first thought, that cheap ass rolls post.

  43. New Fed Here*

    I am taking the opportunity while sheltering in place to replenish all my lingerie (shopping online). Boy, quality bras are expensive.

    1. nep*

      Not sure whether you’d find the brands you need, but have you tried Poshmark? A lot of new-with-tags items there, for less than retail.

      1. New Fed Here*

        My sizing is inconsistent, so I tend to shop at places with liberal return and exchange policies.

        1. nep*

          Ah, yes–great point. My mind blanked on that aspect of PM. This is why I don’t buy clothes there too; I need no-questions-asked returns.

    2. Weyrwoman*

      I have no idea if this will be useful information for you, but I’ve had great luck with ThirdLove for bras. They carry half-cup sizes, which is exactly what I need!

    3. Candi*

      I buy Wings Love through Amazon. Free returns as long as the product’s undamaged, and reasonable prices on Rack of the Ages sizes.

  44. Just Like Bart*

    Has anyone tried any new recipes during lockdown?
    I did a few attempts at dalgona coffee which has been trending. I finally made a successful cup. It’s not bad at all but I’ve been trying to take a break from caffeine so I won’t make this an everyday thing.

    1. Elizabeth West*

      The only thing I’ve tried recently is putting a pinch of salt on the grounds in my coffee press before I make it. I’m trying to make my turbinado sugar last longer so I don’t have to go get more. I read it was supposed to cut the bitterness so you don’t need as much sugar. It does work!

      I refuse to give up half-and-half, though. Eff the calories; it’s way better than plain milk, and I need less of it, so it balances out.

      1. Blueberry*

        FWIW you can get demerara sugar (very similar) quite inexpensively by mail from nuts.com I don’t work there, I just love that company for all sorts of things.

        1. Elizabeth West*

          Oh, I can buy a two-pound box cheaply at the local grocery chain; I just don’t want to go out unless I absolutely have to. Besides, I don’t really need three spoonfuls of sugar in my coffee, tbh.

          1. Blueberry*

            *nod* it makes sense that you don’t want to go out; I should have been more explicit that this is a mail order source. These are trying times, and I think you can sustain yourself with tasty sugar if need be. :)

      2. AvonLady Barksdale*

        My grandmother, who does not drink coffee but makes the best brew, adds salt to the grounds! Glad it worked.

        1. Elizabeth West*

          You should have seen me the first time I tried it; I put way too much in and was like, Yecccchh, what the hell did I do!

    2. ImOnlyHereForThePoetry*

      Yes! I had cherry tomatoes and spinach that needed to be used up so I made Creamy Tuscan Chicken Pasta. (Instead of using jarred sun dried tomatoes, I roasted my tomatoes with garlic and olive oil at 350 for about 30 minutes.)
      http://foodtasia.com/creamy-tuscan-chicken-pasta/
      It was delicious and is probably the only way to get my son to eat spinach.

      Tonight I am making Beef Stroganoff using this recipe
      https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/easy-beef-stroganoff-recipe/

    3. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

      I’m not sure about new recipes, but I used to get creative back when I wasn’t working. I posted something above of eating lentils with stir fried vegetables (fun story, I posted that on IG and a “friend” said my food choices were weird af).

      This week I’ll be making chicken tikka pizza. happy to share recipe of anyone’s interested.

      Might as well enjoy my downtime.

        1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

          Hi!

          I had to dig through my online album to find it and hten got sucked in to the nostalgia of when I had time to experiment lol. I never wrote down the recipe but here’s a basic recipe; unfortunately I don’t have any quantities but you can make adjustments:

          Pizza crust (readymade or make your own)
          Pizza sauce
          Mix of sharp cheddar & mozarella cheese
          chicken tikka (I used restaurant made at the time but you can make this at home by marinating chunks of boneless thighs or breasts in yogurt, lemon juice salt pepper garlic & ginger powders, black pepper, ground coriander ground cumin turmeric powder and paprika powder, grill or stir fry and then shred when cooled)
          red onion cut into long slices
          chopped cilantro

          Heat the tomato sauce with a little bit of the above spices and let cool. I’d oil the pizza crust, add the sauce then chicken then cheese and onions and top with cilantro. Snce I used readymade, I would follow the instructions on the back of the package on how long to keep it in the oven for and the temperature.

    4. Candi*

      I bought my daughter a little waffle iron (5 inch diameter waffles) and “Baking All Year Round: Holidays & Special Occasions”. She’s a much better cook then I am. (And she’ll be all graduated this year! Waah!) :p

      She’s been having fun. Bright purple bat shaped cookies! With multiple googly eyes! She got creative with a recipe from that book.

    5. Just Another Manic Millie*

      Here are some recipes that I just tried:
      Nutella cookies
      https://www.mamalovesfood.com/nutella-cookies/
      Baked Caesar Chicken
      https://www.thekitchn.com/caesar-chicken-22997421
      Scotch Eggs
      https://cavemanketo.com/scotch-eggs/
      I don’t refrigerate them before baking. I bake them in a regular oven at 400 degrees F. for 45 minutes.
      I also recently taught myself how to make Eggs Benedict. I used Hollandaise sauce from a mix, not from scratch. I’m very pleased with it, but it almost isn’t worth the trouble. So I make Egg McMuffins. While I’m toasting an English muffin, I fry an egg and a slice of Canadian bacon. Then I turn them over and sprinkle everything bagel seasoning on the egg and then top it with cheese. I prefer baby Swiss and provolone to American cheese. When I figure that the egg is “over hard,” I assemble the sandwich. Sometimes I guess wrong and the egg is merely “over easy,” but it still tastes good.

    1. Parenthetically*

      It’s SO easy. I’ve been making ours for a couple years now, since my son started solids and was eating yogurt literally every day and we were going through TONS every week. It’s so much cheaper to make, and it’s so reliably delicious.

      1. Not A Manager*

        Do you strain yours? Mine has a great flavor, but it’s very loose. More like kefir than yogurt. We decided to have it as-is now, and try straining next time. I don’t have cheesecloth and was thinking of using a cloth napkin?

        1. Parenthetically*

          I don’t, but I add nonfat powdered milk to the mixture when I add the starter yogurt. It guarantees a nice thick yogurt without making the texture weird like if you added gelatin (as some commercial yogurts have). I add about 1/2 c. per quart of milk.

        2. Greywacke Jones*

          Perhaps not an option right now, but I use a piece of cheap undyed cotton I bought at joanns. I just rinse off the yogurt and throw it in the laundry for reuse.

  46. Ask a Manager* Post author

    Who knows something about how nerves heal?

    So a week and a half ago, I managed my finger in an immersion blender — very badly. 19 stitches and fractured the bone. It’s been painful the whole time, but a day ago something new and strange started happening: It’s reacting to sensory input from other parts of my body. For example, yesterday I dropped something on my foot (not even something heavy — the plastic lid to an ice bucket) and my finger was in horrible pain for like an hour afterwards, even though the object was nowhere near it. Fine, maybe it somehow got jarred. But then I was cooking with lemon juice and jalapeños, and my finger was reacting as if both were in the cuts, even though they were nowhere near it and it’s heavily bandaged. Now that I write this, I wonder if somehow the fumes permeated the bandage. But it feels like the nerves are confused and reacting to the wrong stimuli. Is that possible?

    1. Artemesia*

      there are a lot of pain complications where the body learns to feel pain when there is no longer an injury — so I would think that something like this might be an example of your body learning to feel pain there. I would think you would want to do whatever possible to interrupt that process. No clue how this is coped with, but I have read of situations where serious pain persists long after physical damage is gone due to this kind of learned pain. You might look on line to see if there are any recs for cognitive approaches to dealing with this.

    2. Ali G*

      Nerves are funky things. I have a condition called neurofibromatosis, which causes benign tumors to grow around the nerve fiber. It can be very painful at times. I only have it in my right thigh, but sometimes when my thigh starts throbbing I will feel it up my back and down into my toes. My right big toe is basically numb 24/7 even though there are no tumors there.
      So it’s possible that the nerve damage is doing weird things, for sure. It’s probably extra sensitive too because it’s still healing.

    3. LQ*

      My sister severed her finger and said that even now she sometimes can’t tell if it’s real or phantom pain. She KNOWS intellectually that there are no nerve endings there anymore (it was severed and reattached) that function, but she still FEELS pain even when it doesn’t make sense (when she bangs her funny bone and clutches her finger like that’s what got hurt). This is like 25 years on from when it happened. Not comforting, but you’re not alone.

      1. Imtheone*

        People have gotten relief from phantom pain by using mirrors. They look in the mirror and see the limb or finger that is fine and their brain thinks they are seeing the one that was injured. Maybe this could be googled.

    4. muddy paws*

      So, caveat: not a medical doc. damaged nerves can regrow. Also that injury sounds bad enough that you probably did damage a nerve. If the nerve is severely damaged and the area in your brain for “foot” is close to “finger” your brain has probably noticed it’s not getting a lot of signal from finger and is trying to match foot to that area. That’s what I’d guess is behind the mismatch. I hope you’ll have a follow-up with docs who can help reattach the nerves. Or the new finger nerve is trying to grow into the foot area in your brain.

      Also, solidarity bandaged finger wave: I severed a couple of nerves in my finger this week due to a kitchen accident. surgery consult next week to figure out the nerves.

    5. 00ff00Claire*

      Not an expert by any means, but the areas of the brain that perceive touch input from your skin across various body parts are close together. So I would also think the same as muddy paws, that it is your brain trying to process and make sense out of the input it is receiving (or possibly not receiving from your finger).

    6. fposte*

      Read Ramachandran’s Phantoms in the Brain. Super-cool book by a neuroscientist talking about phantom limb syndrome and other strangenesses in physical perception.

    7. RC Rascal*

      A number of years ago I tore a disc in my lower back & experienced nerve pain radiating down my arms to my fingers. Back healed but the sensation comes back if I have to suddenly slam the brakes.

    8. Might be Spam*

      I damaged nerves in a fall and my doctor told me it would take about a month per inch of damage to heal. It did seem accurate.
      It also seemed true when I broke my arm which also damaged a nerve.
      Good luck and I hope you heal quickly.

      1. Fikly*

        A month? That’s super quick. I had a nerve get nicked during a surgery and it took 4 years to heal.

    9. university minion*

      I had a crush (rather than cut) injury about 7 years ago and it deadened the nerve at the outside front of my shin and For a long time, I couldn’t feel anything but occasional random sharp prickles. After a year or so, I could start to feel pressure sometimes on my shin and could (this was weird) feel the skin move over the muscle when I ran. A few years later, hot sensations felt hotter than on comparable areas, but I couldn’t really feel cold beyond some weird pins and needles. Also, until recently, that area would sometimes get goosebumps at weird times when the rest of me wasn’t cold. 7 years on, it’s finally pretty much back to normal.
      I never went to a doctor, since nothing was broken or needed stitches so what would they be able to do? I guess the tl;dr from my n=1 is that nerves are weird and there’s no typical behavior or timeline. I hope yours calm down quickly.

    10. SarahKay*

      Personal experience rather than medical – nerves (and brains) are weird things. I had to have a minor operation to remove a fatty lump from the back of my skull, which also removed the nerves from that area.
      For the first couple of weeks after it healed, if I leaned my head back against a wall/sofa/pillow my brain would tell me (loudly!) that only half my head was supported; there was nothing behind the other half. Gradually it got used to the idea that there was no sensation coming from there, and stopped ‘yelling’ at me every time I leaned my head back against something.
      At which point my brain started telling me there was an itch, right in the middle of the numb zone. It was the most infuriating thing, since scratching the area did nothing, because there were no nerves to register the scratching. At one point I caught myself considering scratching the itch with the point of my very sharp embroidery scissors, because surely that would work?!? I managed not to do anything so silly, and indeed not to scratch the numb area enough to do any damage, and gradually the itch faded, but it took three or four months to totally stop.
      Now, four years later, it feels like the numb area is slightly smaller, so maybe the nerves are growing back – or I’m just imagining it. However, the odd side-effects have totally gone. Hopefully the same will be true for you, and your nerves / brain will stop sending you odd messages.

    11. Parenthetically*

      Oh man this totally happened to me after both my c-sections but I couldn’t really put a finger (sorry) on it!

    12. KoiFeeder*

      Well, this is interesting. I have near-total anesthesia in my chest (don’t take a 100x progestin dose, kids, or your skin will never recover) that sometimes reacts when I injure my hands/feet, but I was told that it was just a symptom of my “fibromyalgia” (it was not fibro, it was my autoimmune system EATING THE NERVES AROUND MY JOINTS). It’s nice to know I’m not crazy!

    13. Skeeder Jones*

      Nerves are super-weird! I have fibromyalgia and have some of the weirdest things happen with my nervous system. I get areas of my body (like palm sized area) that will just start tingling, other spots where it constantly feels like a worm is crawling around under the skin, and other areas where I’ll get spontaneous flashes of pain that feel exactly like a fire ant bite. My nerves are always sending these weird signals to my brain. It’s beyond annoying and I haven’t found anything that helps.

    14. Wishing You Well*

      Everyone has a sympathetic nervous system which is why when one body part hurts, other places can hurt, too. When I have significant pain in one place, my whole body hurts due to this system. It sounds like you had pain triggering events with the plastic lid and peppers. Pain is unpleasant but numbness in a finger would be worse. I sure hope your finger is on the mend and that it’ll be 100% healed soon.
      (I still shudder in sympathy.) Sending good thoughts.

    15. misspiggy*

      I agree with everyone else, and would add that the longer you give yourself to heal the better, where nerves are concerned. Treat them like a scared cat. They do need to be trained into not freaking out (through movement), but the pace and scope has to be very gentle, small and slow.

    16. Not So NewReader*

      Things can get cross wired or in some cases there may be an actual scientific explanation. I am a good one for having a headache that is actually a stomach ache. I take something for my stomach and the headache goes away.

      This is just a scattergun solution, but what I do when the weird stuff happens is load up on veggies, especially raw if possible and make sure I drink my daily allotment of water. Typically, when I have hurt something I forget these basics because -ouch! This is a great scattergun for making every body part to get in line and BEHAVE.

      I like to use foods to help my body heal. People use things like lemons and hot peppers to help support their immune system in various ways. Is it possible that there could be a minor infection in that wound? And I do mean actually mean minor as in “tiny”. You might find that a fresh bandage and a thick coat of 3 way antibiotic helps.

      Going the opposite way, I punctured both my knees in two separate accidents. And there were points in the healing process where that wound would make me jump, it was “prickley” but that’s not the right word. And the sensations would occur randomly with no logical explanation. (I changed the bandage often.) If this is what is going on, you would experience similar stuff without the lemons and peppers.

      But I am one who believes that just the smell of some foods can cause reactions in our bodies. I’ve seen it.

    17. PS*

      Neuroscientist here. I’m sorry you were injured! First, when neurons are damaged, they absolutely can respond to cues that typically would not stimulate them. These can be cues from the surrounding nervous system or the environment. Damaged neurons often have lower thresholds for stimulation and therefore can respond to inappropriate cues. Second, sensory neurons in your skin do express proteins that are involved in taste and smell. In “taste” neurons, these proteins sense, for example, the spiciness of a jalapeno; in “touch” neurons, they are thought to sense pressure. When you have an open wound with damaged neurons, a volatile compound like capsaicin in jalapenos (“volatile” = “would be in the air and could permeate a bandage and a sewn wound”) could stimulate a damaged neuron, leading you to taste with your finger. Especially due to the surrounding tissue damage, this must have been quite unpleasant. I hope your finger heals well and quickly!

    18. WS*

      This is really common, and even more so in areas with a lot of nerves such as your fingers and your face.

    19. Sled dog mana*

      Sorry about your injury.
      Just echoing what everyone else is saying, nerves are strange.
      As I’m sitting here thinking about it the patch over my right hip where I had shingles 12 years ago started to ache. I guess it will never be gone completely. I also have an old upper arm injury that causes my fingers to start tingling when I run (yes I’m the strange person running down the road shaking my right hand every 10 steps or so).
      Both of these have changed over time, the hip used to react to strange things, now about the only thing that reliably triggers it is standing too long (this is damage to the nerves in the skin from shingles).

    20. ..Kat..*

      The pain you are having is not uncommon. Our bodies are wonderful, complicated, and at times weird.

      I recommend calling your doctor. Sometimes medications such as low dose tricyclics or gabapentin can help with odd nerve pain like this.

      Best wishes for a quick, full recovery.

  47. Becs*

    Best place to order wine? We like reds (Malbec, Pinot Noir, Cab Sav) and usually stick to $10 a bottle. Must deliver to Wisconsin. Thanks for the recommendations!

    1. Two Dog Night*

      Well, I was going to recommend Recess Red, by Adelaida, which is on sale… but it’s sold out. It looks like in Wisconsin you need to order either from an in-state retailer or direct from a winery. If there’s a winery you like, maybe check their site? Otherwise if I were you I’d check local stores and see if they’re delivering.

    2. AvonLady Barksdale*

      This is the best time to call a local wine store. Many of the ones in my former state have started delivering or doing curbside pickup (the ones where I live now all deliver already).

    3. Call me St. Vincent*

      Sherry-Lehmann….although that’s in NY….so not sure how that will impact your desire to order from them.

  48. !*

    Just received an email my toilet paper order from Amazon (just a couple of 12 packs) updated its estimated delivery date from April 15/16 to March 31/Apr 2nd.

    I’m looking at that as a positive sign!

    1. LibbyG*

      Remember how the price of a Big Mac was (maybe still is?) an alternative measure of international currency exchange rates? I wonder if TP purchases will be a new measure of consumer confidence. Purchases spike, consumers are nervous!

      1. LGC*

        To be fair, the actual demand for toilet paper is usually fairly static, and if there are spikes in TP usage that’s the least of the concerns. (I know around these parts, demand for TP and eggs usually spikes around October 30th, but otherwise I think it’s pretty static.)

        1. Anonymous Educator*

          That’s why I said “artificially inflated demand,” because the normal demand is static, but some ridiculous people decided to pull a De Beers and make it seem as if toilet paper was scarce by stockpiling it.

    4. Not So NewReader*

      I found TP in the store recently and was thrilled to see on package. I went to another store and they had a u-boat half full of towels and tp. Both stores were making it last by limiting qualities. But still. Good news in my mind.

    6. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

      I looked at all the mayor supermarket chains… And they have up to three weeks delays. People are furious. So, I’ll have to do several short trips for now.

  49. Artemesia*

    I decided to use this shelter in place time to work on a big photo book for the family that I abandoned a couple of years ago when some family issues arose. So I get out the copier to copy old pictures from albums to make this on line composed book — and discovered that my husband stole my desk top. His died and since I wasn’t using mine, he just took it and put his dead one where my usually is. LOL. I use a laptop MacAir for everything else. and so didn’t notice. so scheduling time for the big computer is an issue. He is visually impaired and the big computer works better for him to be able to read and he reads a lot of serious work and writes a column for a national blog. Normally we would at this point either have his computer repaired or buy him a new one — but these are not normal times.

  50. Letter to myself*

    8 years ago I wrote a letter to myself. I was bored so figured I’d post it. 

    As the New Year begins I have but one request from you–become happy. I know life hasn’t been a bed of roses for you in the last few years, but you know it’s hardly like that for anyone. As much as you hate to be reminded of it for the reason which I’ll explain later, you know very well that you are still more blessed than everyone else. Almost everyone form your childhood until now tell you that you have so much potential to do more. So do it. You already know the difference between someone belittling your problems and those who remind you of your blessings. I want you to stop calling yourself an attention hoe or drama queen—even in jest. Just because one person said it doesn’t mean it’s true. Please don’t give one person so much power. I know you have a fantastic sense of humor but I want you to stop berating yourself and being sarcastic. I know it sounds cliché but I want you to be kinder to yourself, mentally and physically. Change the things that make you unhappy. You’re not getting any younger, and I know you feel old, but you’re still young. You have friends who are older and have been through a lot but have managed to dig themselves out of a bad place and try to enjoy life. Learn from them.

    Stop using people as an emotional crutch. I know you have attachment issues and it hurts you very deeply when friendships fail and wither apart. But for whatever reason that happened—it happened. You may not have been aware or maybe it wasn’t really your fault to begin with. You don’t know what happened, so there is no need to beat yourself up over lost friendships. I know it will be difficult and it may take more than a year to break yourself out of this funk but it will be worth it in the end. Your problem is you get too comfortable too quickly. You’re okay with temporary fixes rather than putting in the effort into long term solutions. This habit stems from your childhood so you will be undoing at least two decades of bad habits. Don’t expect it to happen in two weeks or two months; in fact don’t even expect it to happen all in one year. You weren’t happy in your childhood and you have far more insight than most people your age do but I know deep down you still hold on to a shred of resentment. This year I really want you to let go of all the things that plagued you in your childhood. Let go of even the slightest bit of resentment you have towards your parents. Whatever their mistakes, they realized them and no one will ever support you as much as they do. Appreciate them.  Pray for them and their well being.

    I know you’re not happy with your marriage but you’re still not quite ready to take the step of ending it. There is nothing wrong in admitting that—so do what countless others have advised you—focus on yourself. Focus on your career and jump-starting it. Don’t settle on dead end temp jobs because they are better than nothing. You are worth so much more. Find something better. You are worth it.Work for a while and save your money. Retail therapy is just a band-aid and doesn’t address the real issues. It’s okay to treat yourself once in a while, but not ALL the time. Save your money. Show your husband that you are not a child and can be an equal part of the household. Contribute financially so that the burden is lifted off of his shoulders. It may improve your marriage, or it may not. But at least you’ll know you tried your best and did something you’ve never done before to help improve your relationship.

    Realize who your friends and well wishers are.

    You have a unique relationship with many people.

    You are close to Rachel and her entire family. You trust her the most and she is your closest friend and she will support you no matter what you go through and continue to be a good friend to her.
    You aren’t close but you’re still on good terms with Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Monica.Cultivate those relationships and make them stronger. Put more effort.

    And I know this has bothered you quite a bit for a while now, but stop expecting Ross to be the friend that you want him to be. You may have known him for the better part of a decade but admit that you still don’t know him too well at all. He is not the kind of friend that you can randomly text, meet or hang out with anymore. Things have changed between you two in the last few years and you have to accept that. Don’t harbor any resentment against him and don’t expect him to change. Neither of you has done anything wrong but I want you to stop feeling hurt when you feel that he’s not put in as much as effort as you have and you miss the old friendship you had. We grow up and we change and that’s a part of life.

    One important thing Sara. More important than losing weight and doing well in your job—I want you to become an honorable person again. You never used to lie. I know in the last few years you’ve taken to telling small white lies to avoid arguments with your husband. It wasn’t the best decision but it was what you needed to do at the time. But I know you’re not happy being this way and you’re not happy with the person you think you’ve become.

    1. Farm Girl*

      And? Don’t keep us in suspense. Did you do the things you wanted to change? BTW, very good letter.

    3. Not So NewReader*

      I wonder how many people are printing this out?
      I wonder how many people are printing this out and giving it to someone they care about?

      For some folks who have the time, now is a good time for a life check. It’s good to check in with our selves and our lives so far, periodically.

  51. anonforthis*

    I feel very silly obsessing over this but I need to vent about it and would appreciate any commiseration. (This mentions work but it’s really a social issue.)

    I’ve been making it a point recently to text acquaintances, friends, and relatives I don’t normally have contact with with a “hey! how are you doing, hope you are well” kind of message. So far people have been responsive. I sent this to two of my former coworkers whom I was friendly with, but didn’t really interact with since I left. (For some context, I just started my current job 4 months ago – right before Christmas. My former coworkers and I are all similar age ranges and had worked together for 1-2 years before I left. We would regularly have lunch together and the occasional happy hour. They gave me a warm farewell when I left.)

    Well, neither of them responded. Maybe I’m taking it personally/overreacting, but I find this kind of cold? For the record, I didn’t expect us to be friends or regularly hang out outside of work, but it’s not that much of a lift to just respond with “i’m okay! (~assuming they are~) and you?” I know if the tables were flipped I would definitely have responded.

    Is this normal to just ignore people’s texts? Should I assume there is some type of underlying animosity I don’t know about? Just want to get people’s perspectives!

    1. Agnodike*

      Everybody is pretty short on emotional resources. A former coworker they haven’t heard from in four months just might not have been high enough on their list of where to spend their emotional energy to respond to right now.

      1. valentine*

        It could just be communication style. You didn’t say anything that required a response, so they think it’s just a friendly hello.

    2. Little Beans*

      I am terrible at checking my phone and responding to texts or emails in my personal life. Sometimes I will see a message while I’m busy, will mentally note to respond later, then forget. Then a day or two has gone by and it starts to feel weird to reply now, and so then I put it off more… I do this all the time, including for close friends and family and people I love dearly. So I guess my advice would be to assume the best and try not to take it personally!

    3. fposte*

      I’m with Agnodike. I understand your urge–I too am feeling a bit like I want to reach out to everybody I’ve ever known in my life–but it’s really not how everybody is feeling. Then throw in texting, where some people believe that a text obligates the recipient to an answer and some people answer only a few and in a print-letter timeframe. Basically, whether there were a pandemic or not, it would be perfectly reasonable and polite for your old co-workers not to be feeling it on texting a former colleague. It doesn’t mean anything about you–it just means that the “what I’d do in their shoes” test doesn’t always work, because they have different emotional needs and different social practices than you.

      1. anonforthis*

        I wouldn’t call it “polite”, though I understand if they are distracted/stressed. It’s generally impolite, or rude, to ignore people, though the rudeness can be justified. It’s not a big deal in the long run, but I would definitely be side-eyeing them if they came around months later asking for a reference or something.

        1. fposte*

          I think we’re just not going to see this the same way. I don’t think we’re obligated to respond to an unsolicited communication from anybody. I absolutely support your right to think of them as being people you no longer support in return.

      2. Pandie*

        The fact you’d side-eye them if they ever asked for a reference because they didn’t reply to your random text (when you haven’t spoken to them in four months) is extremely petty and concerning. You were just coworkers, not life-long best friends. You even said you had no intention of continuing a relationship with them after you left. You have No Idea what’s going on in their lives right now and frankly, you (and your emotional needs) are not their priority. Taking their non-reply as rude or an indication of some secret animosity is really self-absorbed.

        1. Fikly*

          Yeah, that you are so upset about the non-responses indicates that you are reaching out for your own benefit, not theirs. They have no obligation to do something for your benefit, and this in no way reflects on their work abilities, which is what a reference is about. To deny them a reference because of this reflects badly on you.

        2. anonforthis*

          Whoa.
          I understand my judgments were flawed (was in a weird mood earlier in the week), but your pathologist game my emotions and sweeping judgments about my character are unkind.

          You sound angry and I hope you feel better soon.

    4. Artemesia*

      I have had enough glitches in my email accounts that I no longer assume a non response is intended without a follow up.

    5. Blue Eagle*

      I’ve been sending e-mails (as opposed to texts), but before asking people how they are my e-mails give an update about myself first. Just something interesting for them to read. If I were to receive an e-mail or text that just asked me how I was or if I was OK and nothing else, I would probably ignore it too.

    6. Wishing You Well*

      Is it normal to ignore people’s texts? Sometimes, yes. It’s common. People are really overwhelmed right now.
      (Hey, my own brothers ignored my “how are you doing” messages this week. That’s on them – I tried!)
      Is there underlying animosity? Most of the time – no.
      Please keep being you and do things because of who you are, not because of who others are. Reaching out is the right thing to do.
      Sending good thoughts.

      1. anonforthis*

        “Do things because of who you are, not because of who others are.”

        That is some wisdom dropped right there.

        Thank you for your comment.

    7. Misty*

      I’m the kind of person who regularly ignores texts. I don’t like texting and I have anxiety when I text a lot. So in the current environment if someone texts me who I don’t have to respond to, I would absolutely ignore it. But then in my case, most people close to me would never text me. They would either call or email. So I guess if someone was texting me, we wouldn’t be close enough for me to assume it’s a big deal if I ignored their text.

      I also keep my phone off for days on end. So maybe they just have their phones off, especially if they don’t have to go to work or don’t need to contacted by anyone outside of their homes.

      1. Texan In Exile*

        I hate the process of texting so much. It’s so much work to type on the dang phone.

        But if you send me an email or a LinkedIn message, I am all over it.

    8. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

      I can relate a bit, I was let go from my job a few days ago and none of the coworkers I thought were friends reached out to me. I don’t hold it against them, I understand what everyone is going through.

  52. it's time*

    While we are all home, I am FINALLY starting to clean up my house (serious packrat/semi hoarder, not very clean, but not at the wear a mask and clean with a shovel stage either). Anyway, obviously we have way too much stuff. Even if it was perfectly organized and cleaned, it would still be overwhelming.

    Normally when I get cleaning (rare, but it happens), I pack up stuff to donate (and throw out crap but lots isn’t crap, just outgrown by kids or not used anymore) and a couple of times we’ve had garage sales. However, I don’t live in town, so donating can only be done when I get to a town or city where there is a place to drop things off and garage sale involves waiting for a community garage sale and getting a table, which is a hassle.

    Because of the economy and things being shut down, right now I’m out of work and my husband is probably going to be laid off by the end of the month. Our finances are terrible (as in possible bankruptcy). So on the one hand, I want to put everything away to try to sell (but it’s not likely there will be any community garage sales soon and I’ve never done facebook marketplace but it would still involve going to town to meet buyers so probably not feasible right now). If I don’t sell, then I’d normally donate, but my preferred place is a couple hours away and again, not likely to be going there any time soon, let alone are they even accepting donations right now. I also have a dumpster, so I guess I could just throw things away. I hate the thought of the waste and I panic thinking about the money, but I need to get things out, because otherwise I’m just reshuffling the piles and it’s impossible to keep any progress.

    How bad is it if I just start throwing things out? It kind of horrifies me. I guess I could do a combination of throwing away a lot of stuff and keeping only the potential high value items to sell or donate. But it makes me anxious, and I have enough issues with getting house things done as it is without feeling paralyzed by this decision.

    1. fposte*

      I think throwing it away is absolutely fine. If you have a car, you could treat “putting it in garbage bags in the car” as being task completion for the moment and then take stuff to resale later, but if that’s not going to work, toss it. Analysis paralysis is what makes stuff hang around the house.

      1. valentine*

        If you’re fighting the hoarding, throw everything out. For me, selling is just an excuse. It seems so easy when other people do it, but I absolutely do not want to put any time or effort into it and the idea of all the steps and the interaction fill me with more dread than the stuff itself does. There’s no guarantee you can sell, or even donate/exchange, but getting rid right now could give you an immediate boost, and I would think you’d welcome that.

    2. Morning reader*

      You have my permission to throw stuff out. Might want to check on how much pickup you have available and pace yourself. Around here trash pickup is restricted to what fits in the can, no bulk items. Donation centers are closed. Perhaps give yourself an estimated price point to save? If it’s under $5 it’s not worth the space it takes up. Maybe box some things to donate later.

    3. Insurance mom*

      Ok to throw away what you can for now. You have time and the right frame of mind. If nothing else, certainly there are obvious ‘discards’. Just don’t talk yourself out of it! Good luck! (Off to the storage room for my obvious discards…)

    4. Elizabeth West*

      It’s okay to throw away.

      I had this exact same issue when cleaning out my house in preparation for moving. It was so hard to let go, but I had to be as ruthless as I could, since I didn’t have any idea how big or small my future space would be (and still don’t, tbh). I divided my stuff into rough categories.

      What I donated:
      —Anything I had duplicates of or could replace easily in the future. This was mostly household stuff, but it also included the Christmas tree.
      —Clothing or linens in good condition that I couldn’t fit in my blanket chest.
      — This one hurt, but a TON of craft stuff I wasn’t using or had no intention of using. I still saved more than I should have!

      What I tossed:
      —Anything broken that I was unlikely to fix soon, either because I didn’t have time or didn’t have parts.
      —Anything I hadn’t touched in at least a year that had ANY damage whatsoever.
      —Anything that had expired or went with items I didn’t own anymore.
      —Anything I didn’t want to take with me to a new place that fit any of the above categories. If it was good, I donated it; if not, it went into the bin!

      I sold a lot of furniture; once I emptied it, I could easily tell what I didn’t need or what I’d have to replace later. I will probably purge even more when I move again. Seriously, once you start doing it in earnest, it’s easier to keep going. If it’s overwhelming, start with one room or even just a closet.

      If you have a place to put the potential donations or sale items, seal them in boxes to keep them clean. Then pretend the boxes are radioactive and you can’t touch them again until you take them to the atomic waste dump (the donation place), so you don’t dig stuff back out.

      1. it's time*

        I love these categories, especially the any damage one.

        A few months ago we went through a ton of clothes (my oldest kids are all in adult sizes and my youngest is still in kids), so there was a LOT of stuff. Got rid of everything youngest had outgrown and a lot of bigger stuff that he said he’d never want to wear. But I also made sure to throw out anything that had holes or stains. Probably 6 garbage bags donated and another 6 tossed. Felt good!

        1. Cruciatus*

          I just want to mention that any clothing items that people don’t think are good enough to be donated can be taken to H&M stores instead of thrown out in landfills!

          Well, obviously not right now… But for the future, this is from the H&M website: Drop your bag of unwanted clothing in the recycling box at your local store. All textiles are welcome – any brand, any condition – even odd socks, worn-out T-shirts and old sheets. The textiles are then sent to the nearest recycling plant, where they’re sorted by hand. For every bag of textiles you drop off, you’ll receive a discount card for 15% off your next in-store purchase.

          If you want to search for it yourself, just search for H&M Garment Collection. There are probably others, but I know of theirs specifically.

    5. Trixie*

      I think you do what you have to do. I’m not sure of your immediately neighborhood but is there a local FB page to share free items? I see several items from folks in a similar position who just place items out with free sign, and identify nearest cross street. My city also has annual spring haul away which is somewhere between helpful and endearing. We can place just about anything out for the city to haul away. Of course, many items are first picked up by thrifters. But it all goes.
      You’ll feel so much better as you do this. Literally, not weighed down by items no longer needed.

      1. KR*

        This! Curb alerts are huge in our neighborhood. If you have a friend in a more suburb-y type neighborhood they may let you do the curb alert there as long as you agree to come back and throw the stuff out after a week!

    6. Aphrodite*

      If all or most of your things that you are willing to throw away are good/usable, consider posting on Craigslist, NextDoor and/or other media, saying your are having a Gratis Garage Sale (that is, everything is free). People who have lost their jobs might be able to use it, some people will probably want to re-sell it. Try that first, then throw away what no one wants.

      1. WellRed*

        I’ve given away the most random things on NextDoor and had great luck selling on FB marketplace.

    7. it's time*

      If I lived in town, I’d totally put things out on the curb (although even then, have to wait until the snow is gone). But I live 25 km from town and literally the only people who drive down my road are us and the other family that lives nearby. And our vehicles aren’t in great shape so it costs $5-10 in gas every trip to town ($5 only because prices are the lowest they’ve been in years right now, but usually $7+). And there is no donation place in that town. The closest town with a donation place is 50 km (30 miles) away.

      I don’t know if we still have freecycle in my area, but years ago we used it, but without fail, people expected things to be delivered to them, so not worth it.

    8. Not So NewReader*

      Am kind of chuckling. What I am seeing here is people are putting stuff out by the side of the road with a free sign. I went to do some work today and I passed a place with at least a dozen items for free. Four hours later, on the way home there were two items left. This isn’t the only time I have seen this since Covid-19.
      Who’d thunk.

  53. Jessen*

    The insurance company tried to fight my claim because I said I lived alone but listed a bunch of men’s clothing on my claim. That was awkward to figure out how to deal with…

      1. Jessen*

        You would think the fact that I also billed them for 4 chest binders would be a hint, but apparently not.

    2. Nervous Nellie*

      Oh my goodness – honestly! What is wrong with people!

      You said that they tried to fight your claim. Does that mean that they got real and relented? Cheering for you!

      1. Jessen*

        Honestly it mostly sounds like they were poking around and whining. I really just had to tell them “yeah I wear men’s clothing sometimes.” I pointed out too if they wanted I could cross-references sizes.

        It’s just a pain dealing with them. I think they undervalued a lot of what I had too. I know depreciation is a thing, but I’m seeing a bunch of money knocked off of items that really don’t lose value like that. Solid wood furniture, good cookware, and so forth.

        1. valentine*

          There was great advice here from a former claims adjuster who said they would approve anything if your claim was ready to go with links to replacements. I think it was in a weekend thread.

        2. nonegiven*

          You also can’t just list ‘toaster.’ You have to list ‘Smeg Dolce & Gabbana 4-Slice Toaster, $950.00, link.’

    3. Count Boochie Flagrante*

      Oh geez. The stuff you would never expect to be an issue! WTF at your insurance company.

    4. JediSquirrel*

      Insurance companies like it when you make your payments on time, but are very reluctant to pay out. (And in general, insurance companies…ugh.)

      FWIW, there are a lot of reasons for someone to have the opposite gender clothing in their house. They shouldn’t blink an eye at that. I’m sorry you had to go through this.

    5. Wishing You Well*

      I hope your claim settled in your favor but, if not, is this illegal gender discrimination in your area? Just a thought. If it gets bad, you might need a lawyer. I hope it doesn’t get to that, though. There might be good info online about how to handle contentious insurance claims.

    6. Candi*

      How low on the totem pole is the person you’re dealing with? If they’re low, sometimes you have to escalate to get any real action. (Glares at old health insurance company.)

      (Yes, it worked out in my favor.)

  54. MsChanandlerBong*

    I have major internet issues. Any ideas on how to fix them? About two weeks ago, we had an outage in our neighborhood two days in a row, for about 30-60 mins. each time. Earlier this week, we had an outage for about 90 minutes. When I checked the status of the network, it said that technicians were in the area working on the problem. While they were working, we noticed our wireless gateway reboot twice. We got a text alert stating that they had finished the work and the outage was resolved.

    Well, yes, it was resolved–we can connect to the internet. But the internet is almost unusable! Anything that is graphics/video-heavy will not load properly. Facebook loads two or three posts, and if they have images, they load as empty gray/white boxes. Twitter loads text posts fine, but any images/videos are blank. I can barely get my freelance work done because the site won’t load when I try to submit my files. I had recently upgraded to the 200 Mbps package with my ISP; at some points, it says I am getting 180+ Mbps download speeds; at others, I am getting as little as 2.12 Mbps. When I do manage to get on a site, I am getting a ton of “ERR_CONNECTION_RESET” errors when the pages try to load.

    My ISP will not send out a tech right now unless you have no service at all (due to COVID-19), so they sent me a new wireless gateway. We got it all installed, and it didn’t help at all. Same problems. I connected my computer directly to the gateway to see if it’s a wireless issue, but I’m getting about the same speeds on Wi-Fi as I am with a wired connection. If I just used the internet for messing around, I’d live with this until they can send a tech, but I work from home, so this is affecting my livelihood. I had to leave work two hours early on Wed. because the outage went on so long that I couldn’t do anything. And then my productivity is down on other days because it takes 10x as long as it should to download the files I have to edit and then upload them to the portal when I am done.

    1. Anonymous Educator*

      Just to clarify—the wireless gateway functions as both a wired modem and a wireless router, and it’s fully provided by the ISP? It’s not like a modem that gets the Internet that’s also plugged into a wireless router?

      How many computers do you have? If you have more than one, are they all experiencing the same problem?

      If you have only one, I’d try a few things just to rule out that it might be something funky on your end:
      1. Try a different web browser
      2. Try temporarily creating a separate user account
      3. Try double-checking that your computer’s system time and date are correct
      4. You’ve probably already tried doing this, and I know it’s a cliché, but try rebooting your computer

      Unfortunately, if you’ve done absolutely everything you can on your end and are 100% sure it’s a problem on your ISP’s part, the only other things you can do are A) do a factory reset on the modem and try to reconfigure it yourself (maybe the ISP set it up wrong?) or B) just hope you can get the ISP to fix it.

      Sorry you’re having to deal with this right now :(

      1. MsChanandlerBong*

        Yes, the gateway is a modem and a router in one device. We have 7 devices connected to the network: two laptops, two Kindles, a Roku stick, and two iPhones. We just use the Kindles to download books, so there’s no real problem with those. We use the Roku stick to watch Hulu and Netflix. I have had a lot of problems with Hulu since this started–it will say they are having trouble playing my video, or it will stop playing a show and say there is a network error. It’s been pretty stable today, but we had some errors yesterday. The funny thing is that the Internet and Facebook work fine on the iPhones. I can barely load FB on my laptop, but I have no trouble with it on the iPhone, yet the iPhone and the laptop are connected to the same network.

        I have tried everything I can think of with my computer. When this first started, I thought it was an issue with Chrome. First I uninstalled all my Chrome extensions in case one of them was messing up. Didn’t help. Then I uninstalled Chrome and did a fresh install. No dice. I even reset my computer (restored it to factory settings/reinstalled Windows). That didn’t help, either. There’s definitely some kind of issue with my network, as indicated by the slow speeds, but I don’t know if that’s a separate issue. Right now, I am getting a download speed of 29.5 Mbps, which is about a tenth of what I should be getting, but shouldn’t 29.5 Mbps be good enough to use Facebook? I’ve had slower Internet before and never had these issues.

        2. Anonymous Educator*

          29.5 Mbps is good enough for most streaming even, unless you’re doing 4K instead of 1080p or 720p. That said, if you’re able to use the Roku stick for Netflix, and everything seems fine on the iPhones, I do suspect there is something wrong with your computer. A factory reset would ordinarily have taken care of that, though! What happens if you just visit something like fast.com on your web browser? Or try another web browser? And, you were able to double-check that your system time/date are correct? Even with a reinstall, if the time and date are off, it may be going based on what’s set in the BIOS/UEFI, and if the time or date is off, that can mess with SSL certificates and affect your Internet browsing experience.

    2. Fake Old Converse Shoes (not in the US)*

      The first thing I do is change the DNS. I use a mix of Google’s ( 8 . 8 . 8 . 8), Cloudflare’s ( 1 . 1 . 1 . 1) and OpenDNS (208 . 67 . 222 . 222). If you have a company issued modem + router you need to check with them if it’s possible to access the advanced settings, otherwise you’ll need to set it up in the most critical devices.

      1. Anonymous Educator*

        Seems unlikely to be a DNS issue, if it’s not on the Roku or iPhones. That said, even if you can’t access the advanced settings on the router itself, you can specify custom DNS on your computer itself.

        1. MsChanandlerBong*

          I am actually starting to think that someone has hacked my wireless gateway and is using my network for nefarious purposes. When the new gateway arrived on Friday, I got it all set up, and then I went into the gateway admin panel to check the logs to see if I could identify any issues. I used the default user name and password, and then it prompted me to select a new password. I just tried to log in and look at the logs again, and I am locked out. It says the password is incorrect (it’s the correct password), and the SSID displayed on the details page is NOT the SSID I set up when I got the new gateway. My ISP has a mobile app for managing the network; when I check the device list, it shows 64 devices connected. I only have 7 devices. I’m on hold with my ISP now to see if I can get some assistance.

          1. Anonymous Educator*

            Is the password you set it to (after the default one), one you’ve before in the past? If so, I would factory reset it again, and then set a completely new one. But, yeah, hopfully your ISP can help you as well. Sorry you’re having to deal with this!

            1. MsChanandlerBong*

              No, it’s a brand-new password I’ve never used before (since I am concerned about security issues). I reset it again and chose another new password, but something is screwy. Sometimes when I log in, it shows me my SSID. Other times, it shows me a neighbor’s SSID (I know it’s a neighbor’s because this SSID has been showing up in my list of available networks for months now; it’s not something that was just created). I am wondering if it’s not a hacking issue but some weird issue with my ISP. When I log in to the gateway admin panel, it shows me the password for this other SSID. I don’t think I should be able to see someone else’s network security key, but I’m no IT expert.

              1. Anonymous Educator*

                Is this a web interface you’re using? Could be that it’s just doing an auto-fill and somehow guessing a “username” (in this case SSID) that’s been used before for something else?

    1. Ask a Manager* Post author

      You’re not confused, you’re being snide. I’ve moved your comment so it’s a standalone rather than a reply, because otherwise you’re harassing the person you replied to.

      For the record: Sock puppetry is when people use different user names to try to make it appear that their point of view has more support than it does. It’s not sock puppetry when someone just uses a different user name to be more anonymous or because they feel like a change. Stop.

  56. Weyrwoman*

    Has anyone moved with pets from the US to the UK? How did that go? Especially useful are hints on apartment hunting without visiting.
    I’m starting to poke around for grad schools when I finish the degree I’m working on, and there’s a school in Wales that looks fantastic, but trying to work out how to plan for moving my cat with me is driving me nuts.

    1. fhqwhgads*

      It’s been decades since my family dealt with this so my intel may be horribly out of date, but I think you should expect the pets to be quarantined for an extended period after arriving.

    2. Foreign Octopus*

      I’m looking to move my animals to the UK/Ireland in the near future from Spain and I’ve found a good starting point is the government website for the sort of documentation you need https://www.gov.uk/take-pet-abroad.

      As for apartment hunting, I’m having the same problem and struggling to find places to rent that allow pets without a huge rental fee. The best luck I’m having is on Zoopla or on the smaller, more local websites. If you know the area you want to move to, Google that and see what websites pop up. Also, smaller cities generally have more options for renting with pets, which is fine for me as I don’t want to live in London/Edinburgh/Cardiff (not that Cardiff is large), but location is hugely important with finding places for pets. Be aware that you may need to pay a pet deposit on top of the normal deposit as well.

      Also, Wales is gorgeous and filled with lovely, friendly people. If you get the chance, you should visit Pembrokeshire as it’s one of the prettiest places in all the UK.

    3. PX*

      Renting with pets is generally hard(er?) in the UK. Most places right off the bat will say no pets, depending on where you want to move, if demand is high this will immediately put you out of the running (although Wales shouldnt be as bad).

      The advice I’ve generally seen is dont say you have a pet until you’ve agreed to take a place, and then say that you will either pay extra on deposit or pay for a deeper than usual clean upon leaving.

      In terms of advice, reddit surprisingly enough is often quite good (look for /r/townyouwanttolivein). Local house hunting websites would be Rightmove/Zoopla, or spareroom if you are willing to look for sharing options (although you might sometimes find entire flats on spareroom).

      I often hear that if you do have pets, Spareroom can be better as its more likely to be direct contact with whoever is letting the place who tend to be more reasonable. Rightmove/Zoopla will typically be with letting agencies who dont want to deal with the hassle (ie extra paperwork) of someone with a pet.

    4. American in London*

      I moved my cats from the US to the UK a couple of years ago. You can avoid quarantine if you get them chipped and vaccinated within a certain time frame by an approved provider.

      I hired a pet transport company that took care of everything for me, including picking them up, taking them to the vet, and dropping them off at my new home (I moved before the cats came). It was very expensive but so worth it, and the cats were in great shale when they arrived, not scared at all.

    5. Candi*

      I know UK is extremely picky about rabies vaccinations, for very good reason. You’ll want to be sure that is absolutely up-to-date, and the rest of their health stuff to.

  57. Anon today*

    Hi, everyone!
    If you’d like to go “window shopping” somewhere new, have you tried artists’ websites?

    I like one called Society6 where a lot of artists with a variety of styles have prints and other products for sale.

    *note: I am not affiliated with this website in any way. I just like some of their artists!*

    I’m sure there are similar sites I don’t know about if anyone has any suggestions?

    3. Remote Technical Writer*

      Inprnt also has prints. Katherine Lam and Nicole Xu are two great artists.

    4. fposte*

      Affordableartfair dot com is great for looking at a bunch of different artists at once! (Though “affordable” is a variable concept.)

  58. KristinaL*

    Do you have favorite cute animal links or zoo videos about animals that you want to share? Here are some:

    https://www.montereybayaquarium.org/animals/live-cams
    https://www.seattleaquarium.org/live-cams
    https://aquarium.org/live-cameras/
    https://www.seattleaquarium.org/live-cams
    https://www.oregonzoo.org/news/2020/03/oregon-zoo-live-video-and-home-activity-resources

    https://www.zoo.org/webcams
    http://www.livingdesert.org/animals/
    https://www.georgiaaquarium.org/webcam/beluga-whale-webcam/
    https://zoo.sandiegozoo.org/live-cams
    https://nationalzoo.si.edu/webcams

    https://www.vanaqua.org/visit/live-cams-sea-otter-cam
    https://www.zooborns.com/
    https://www.houstonzoo.org/explore/webcams/
    https://nationalzoo.si.edu/webcams/panda-cam

    2. Nicole76*

      I love this! Between being too unwell to travel for almost a year, and now all this virus craziness, I miss visiting zoos and aquariums. Thanks for sharing!

  59. Anon and alone*

    HenriettaHipppoFreddytheFrog started this on the Open Thread yesterday, so I thought I would continue it today. This is your banner.

    **************
    Happy Birthday
    **************

    To all those whose birthday falls between March 28 and April 3, may you have a nice day, with those you love and who love you, both human and non-human, virtually or in person. May you enjoy the foods and drinks you like (and dance a little, if you’re so inclined). Know that there are those out there who also wish you a Happy Birthday.

    I’m thinking of doing this every week. Let me know how you feel about it.

    1. Nervous Nellie*

      I think this is lovely! I add my best wishes to our birthday folk this week. Balloons for all!

    4. misspiggy*

      Thank you! It’s my birthday today and it’s certainly been a quiet one.

      On a similar theme, a friend sent me a video from a YouTube channel called wearethebirthdayboys! They have birthday videos for lots of individual names, so you can give yourself or a friend a birthday song complete with hats and balloons.

    5. OyHiOh*

      My youngest dragon had her birthday the weekend before schools closed here. I’d planned to take birthday doughnuts to her classroom the next Monday. I overheard her say this morning she’s the only one who didn’t get a birthday this year, poor thing.

  60. Ask a Manager* Post author

    To the person who keeps posting variations of stories on microblading and bad haircuts (all with different, obviously fake details over the course of months): Stop. I can see it’s you each time, and you’re taking advantage of the good will of people here. I don’t know what you’re getting out of it but this is not the time to mess with people.

    1. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

      I’m sorry, but what?! That is so random (and I haven’t been noticing them lol)

    2. Serious Question*

      Serious question here: why are some people being reprimanded for posting obviously fake stories over and over, but others are free to post weekly diary entries that have nothing to do with anything and could just as easily be false? And often under multiple names? I know you can’t be everywhere at once or on this site all the time, but it seems very uneven how some people are “in trouble” while others seemingly get free reign.

      1. Ask a Manager* Post author

        Regardless of the topic, if I saw someone else repeatedly posting obviously contradictory details in an attempt to mislead, I’d put them in this same category (taking advantage of people’s good will) and tell them to stop too.

        I’m aware some people don’t like what you’re calling ongoing diary entries, but people are allowed to do that if they want to. Others can skip over it if they don’t like it. That’s the same “free reign” everyone gets. Where I’ll step in is with obviously fabricated (because the stories are from the same person but contradict each other) posts on the same topics over and over again, where it seems like the person is using this community to fulfill some sort of fetish or whatever it might be.

        1. Generic Name*

          Thank you for calling it out and putting a stop to it. It’s basically trolling, and I think if we’ve learned one thing in the last 20 or so years of the internet is that trolls don’t just suddenly go away if if they are ignored.

      2. Generic Name*

        How do you know the diary entries could just as easily be false? If I’m not in the mood to read someone else’s diary entry, I just don’t.

        1. Serious Question*

          I saw the microblade post and it didn’t strike me as any more or less false that some of the regular posters 1000+ word diary entries, especially the more detailed ones. That’s why I’m wondering why some get a pass and others don’t.

          1. Ruby*

            The diary entries change from week to week, because they are diaries, and are from regular comments who also interact with others here. The microblading story is basically the same every time and is posted by someone who is not otherwise active here. They are very different in execution and intention.

            But if you don’t like how AAM chooses to moderate this site, luckily for you it is both entirely optional and utterly free, so you can leak away at any time.

            1. Serious Question*

              I’m just asking a question. I don’t frequent this site regularly enough to know who interacts with whom and with what level of regularity. As a casual observer, the microblade story and some of the longer weekly posts seem very similar. That’s all.

              1. Candi*

                Very seriously:

                If you are very casual, it’s not a good idea to make posts that sound like you’re criticizing or making unwarranted assumptions about the unfamiliar. It’s really important to check how you write so you don’t come across as rude, arrogant, or bossy.

                Wording, phrasing, all that, is vitally important in online communications because that’s what we have. You can add /tags, but if the sentence is written poorly, it comes across like “it was just a joke” rather than “making sure you know this is funny”.

                You can’t always control interpretation, but you can do your best to make sure on your end the writing says what you want it to say.

            1. Yaaaaawn*

              I don’t. I think they’re a little narcissistic and extremely boring. There are plenty of free blogging sites they can use rather than clogging up the comments section of a work advice blog.

              2. Ask a Manager* Post author

                The weekend open thread is a free-for-all. The whole point is people can discuss whatever they want, one time a week. There’s no expectation that every thread on the free-for-alls will be of interest to everyone. There are gaming threads, writing threads, gardening threads… those are going to be very boring to some people too. If you’re not interested in what someone writes, collapse the thread and scroll by it or skip the weekend post entirely. But please don’t come here and complain about people who post topics you’re not interested in; it’s pretty unkind and contrary to what the weekend posts are offering.

                1. Candi*

                  I ignore them most of the time unless I have a story I want to tell or a book/app/game I want to recommend. :) Life is too short to fuss about what bothers me but doesn’t affect me.

                2. Yaaaaawn*

                  If it’s the first post in a thread you can’t collapse it, you need to scroll to the bottom of the post which is annoying when it’s a long 2000 word screed. I’m sure the blog posts are great for weekly readers, but for casual readers they’re off-putting. I can’t think of another blog that would allow people to do this.

                3. Ask a Manager* Post author

                  Then I’d suggest you not read the weekend open threads if you don’t like them — the one post out of ~20 a week here that allows people to write whatever they want (the entire point of the weekend threads). There are 19 others you can read here every week if you prefer. It’s not reasonable to expect all 20/week will be exactly to your tastes.

              3. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

                If Alison allows them what is the point of complaining? They aren’t my thing either, but they obviously have followers and, as you’re not the site owner, it’s not up to you what posts get to be on the weekend thread.

      3. Enough*

        You’re assuming that it’s the same person writing what you call diary entries. Note what Alison said above about knowing it’s the same person posting every time. And frequently the tone of a piece can tell you it’s false.

      4. Jedi Squirrel*

        I’ve done a lot of forum moderation in the past (it is time consuming!) and you learn to recognize these kinds of things fairly quickly.

      5. ...*

        Yeah I’ve never seen anyone posting about microblading or hair but there are people who leave actual blog entries, 1000+ words the second the open thread posts…which i just collapse the thread but i feel like the OT is turning less into conversation and more into peoples’ personal blog.

        1. Nicole76*

          My first thought is these people might be lonely and are craving some interaction. Seeing as how very few people read actual blogs these days, this might be the only place for them to vent and get some feedback.

          1. LGC*

            …you’d be right. (I say this as one of the guilty parties, although I’m rarely here at the jump!)

            For what it’s worth, I don’t know if the diary entries are that much of a problem – it’s a WORK ADVICE BLOG, but also the weekend FFA is specifically for everything that’s not work-related. And I’ll speak personally, but even if I don’t always comment on the more diary-like posts, I’ll enjoy reading them. (Mostly because there’s a lot of backstory to a lot of those posts.)

            1. Not a cat*

              I don’t like them at all (1/2 of them feel like fiction) but I understand it’s Alison’s blog-so her rules. For what it’s worth I see these diary posts as cries for help or attention that the OP can’t or isn’t getting IRL or on a blog appropriate for the problem/story.

          2. KR*

            This is also my thought. I’m a lonely/anxious person in general and have a hard time interacting with people directly. If I post something on the weekly open thread it’s usually because it’s not a good match for Facebook, Twitter, or any of the various subreddits I subscribe to, or my spouse or friends. I post because there are nice people on AAM who have given me lovely advice and interaction, and I think they might care. I hope anyone who doesn’t like my posts may scroll past and not be too offended.

        2. misspiggy*

          I enjoy and appreciate many of the diary posts. I find it fascinating and kind of comforting to have different people sharing details of their day to day lives and concerns. Those that I don’t enjoy I can easily skip.

          1. Chris915NZ*

            Me too. I really like the blog-type posts. Depending on the week, I read or skip some regular threads about readers’ activities during the previous seven days. It’s great to have the choice!

    3. Disco Janet*

      This is such a random thing to make up a fake story about! I don’t get people sometimes. What the heck.

    4. Not A Manager*

      I wish this particular post hadn’t turned into a discussion of “blog-type posts yes/no.” It’s obviously okay with the site owner because she allows it, so all you are doing is potentially making some people feel really bad.

      I happen to enjoy the ongoing posts from the regulars. There were some regulars who used to post more who haven’t in a while, and I miss them and want to know how they’re doing. But if I didn’t like those posts, I would just collapse them. Reading this site is supposed to be fun for you. No one is grading your participation.

      1. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

        That’s what I do – there’s so many posts that I can’t relate to or provide productive advice, so I collapse them and move along. The topics that interest me, I comment.

        I cannot imagine that I would come in here and say “I hate hearing about (knitting/gardening/gaming/whatever)”.

        1. Candi*

          I think some people are spoiled by the fact you can curate so much of your (general) feeds these days to reflect what you like, what you’re interested in, what you favor. Then they hit something like this and they’re like “Whaa?” It’s all the stuff all over and they can’t just click away what they don’t like.

          That kind of curating bothers me. I deliberately don’t do it because it closes you off and puts you in an echo box. It’s like favoring one section of the library and only examining that shelf or bookcase vs. wandering around a lot of shelves and looking at all the cool stuff. It’s hard to broaden your mind if you limit what it can access.

          There’s a saying, “It’s possible to be so open-minded your brain falls out.” It’s rude, and it automatically assumes that the audience receiving it is stupid and can’t make their way even with a map. It’s better to have an open, well-fed mind, that isn’t withering due to lack of a variety of nutrition.

          1. Taking up knitting as a hobby*

            Texted one of my dear friends who has this as a hobby but also posting here as well…

            Any resources for someone new to knitting? Kit available online, channels to follow on Youtube? I also like to learn from books as well.

          2. Kiwi with laser beams*

            See, I think the problem is that OP didn’t curate ENOUGH. They’ve seen diary posts a bunch of times, they now know that they don’t like diary posts, but they didn’t take responsibility and use the easy, one-click method that is available to them when they spot a diary thread. I used to not curate anything, but once I know that I don’t want to read something, continuing to read it just makes me irritated (and eventually outright burned out in the case of some topics). I’m a kinder person when I take the initiative to not read stuff that I know will bug me.

          3. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

            I get where you’re coming from and I can see others’ perspective on this.

            But….not wanting to scroll for 2 seconds to collapse a post? really? Now you’re just deliberately trying to make someone feel like crap (not you directly but the person above who wrote that it’s too much to scroll through a post to collapse). Thats just something I don’t get – if you don’t like it, why go out of your way to bash it?

  61. Elizabeth West*

    I was almost done typing a comment but then accidentally closed my tab. Arrgh!

    Tl; dr
    I went to America’s Best before the pandemic because I ran out of contacts during this aeon of unemployment, and my old glasses were pretty useless. I mean, how can I work if I can’t see? They mailed everything except the trial lenses, which I managed to pick up before they closed to customers. Here are my glasses. :) https://i.imgur.com/Vbq2rKx.jpg

    The cost was nauseating —I needed bifocals and their discount glasses are single vision, so that didn’t apply to me— but I had to do it. Because the glasses work as well as the contacts, I can stretch out the year’s supply of those. I can see to read the computer. I can see to drive. What a relief.

      1. Elizabeth West*

        Thanks!
        You know what I like best about them? No nose pads. That bit is part of the frame, so there isn’t any pinching, nor do I have to worry about the pad falling off.

    3. Effie, who gets to be herself*

      Love the pattern! Getting new glasses that fit well is the best feeling.

    4. Jdc*

      Those are cute! I’m always looking for new glasses since I have a small head and many don’t fit me well. I just found out about blonde tortoise and think i might do one of those company’s that send you five to try. I have benefits to use so might as well do something while I’m stuck home.

  64. KoiFeeder*

    Some good news from the koiniverse, since I feel bad about always posting horrible things all the time.

    I found the tiny vinyl dinosaurs! I’ll post the link in a comment below. It looks like they were discontinued in 2001, so I don’t know where I’m going to buy them, but I’ve found them! If anyone has any ideas I’m open to suggestions.

      1. fposte*

        Oh, those are very cute. And isn’t it satisfying to fill a hole like that? It just itches at you.

        1. KoiFeeder*

          Not so giant when the dinosaur is the size of a scrabble tile!

          I never did forgive the dog, though. Or the vacuum cleaner!

  65. Tabby Baltimore*

    After taking a good long look at the cats’ portrait, above, I’m tempted to ask you to consider changing Hank’s name to “Samson.”

  66. Pharmgirl*

    Wunderlist seems to be going away in May. I use it A LOT, and I’m pretty disappointed. I mainly use it as a To-Do list for life tasks (not habits or chores) that are mostly recurring, but might be dated tasks as well, and I love the daily / weekly feature. I also have grocery and shopping lists, and lists to keep track of home improvement projects I’m interested in or crochet projects I want to try. Any suggestions for similar apps?

    1. Jedi Squirrel*

      Ugh, and it’s transitioning to a Microsoft product.

      Something similar happened to my old web host‒it got bought out by GoDaddy, which has a terrible reputation. It was a struggle to find someone who offered the same level of service and wasn’t awful.

      I feel your pain.

      1. Pharmgirl*

        Yeah, and I don’t have a Microsoft account outside of work and don’t want to create one.

        1. Candi*

          Don’t blame you. I only have one because it’s less annoying not to. I only think of it when setting up a new computer. About the only thing it’s good for is syncing settings across devices -when it doesn’t mess THAT up.

    2. Reba*

      I don’t have experience with Wunderlist, but take a look at Trello? We use it for household stuff and by my spouse and I both have personal lists on there too.

    3. Filosofickle*

      I’ve been using it as a shareable recipe file and need to get my data offloaded…thanks for the reminder!

      1. Natalie*

        I switched to TickTick as well (when apple completely borked their built in Reminders app) and I think it works quite well. It has a lot of features, but it doesn’t require you to over complicate every list.

  67. WG*

    Looking for ideas for styling long-ish hair (the length is a few inches below the shoulders) to help hide split ends. With all hairdressers in my area closed for at least 5 weeks, I won’t be able to get a cut for at least a month past my normal schedule. I don’t dare try to trim it myself; made that attempt once in my youth and it wasn’t a pretty outcome.

    I usually use a straightener to style the long layers. But that’s going to start looking shaggy soon. I’ve never been able to get the hang of putting the hair in a bun or braiding it and have it look professional. I have two jobs that are both in essential industries, so am still going to work 6 days a week. If I were staying home, I’d just throw it up in a messy ponytail.

    Any ideas/suggestions are appreciated!

    1. Jdc*

      Moroccan oil to help them stay calm, limited washings and no heat would be my best recommendation.

    2. Melody Pond*

      Would something like this video (on how to trim your own hair) work for you? I realize your hair may be quite a bit shorter than the gal in this video, and it may not be perfect, depending on your existing layers/style. But maybe it might work as a stopgap measure?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykkLUsJPdtk&t=7s

      I think the trick would just be to start by trimming off a very small amount of hair, so if it didn’t quite work, you wouldn’t have changed very much.

    3. Seven hobbits are highly effective, people*

      My hair is quite a bit longer than yours, but I’ve found hair hooks to be a good way to pull back long hair into a tight, low ponytail, which tends to look reasonably professional. (It’s also a good way to pull hair into two high pigtails that you can then tie big ribbons on, but that’s not a professional look and more of a weekend/convention thing.)

      I used to do a low ponytail and then braid it, thread a small, dark-colored ribbon through near the end of the braid, and then twist the braid back up over itself, tuck the end of the braid through the top of the braid so the end of my hair would be “underneath”, and tie the ribbon around the ponytail to hold the twist in place when I needed to keep my long hair out of the way and unobtrusive in a professional setting.

      You could also try some sort of twisting your hair onto the back of your head and holding it with some neutral-looking claw clips plan, but I’ve never done that as an all-day thing as opposed to a “keeping my hair out of the way for an hour or so” thing.

    4. Traffic_Spiral*

      The only way to get better at braiding is practice. Take advantage of quarantine to braid and re-braid your hair until you get better at it. I suggest just working on the double (one french braid on each side of your head) so you can look in the mirror and see your work when you do it.

    5. Wandering*

      If you’re willing to put your hair up, I’d go online and look for videos on putting your hair up if that’s a good option for you. If you want to leave it loose, I’d just keep it clean and tidy. Mine is a bit longer than yours and all the same length, I usually leave it loose but often add a hair clip for a pony tail or a “half up” to keep it out of my face. Would it look less shaggy if you don’t straighten it?

      Hiding ends initial thoughts

      Pony tails: you could put a band near the bottom of a pony tail, then fold up and under the top layer and use a hairclip to catch both the top as usual and the bottom together.

      Braids: they get easier with practice but will be more or less useful depending on the nature of your layers. If you don’t tie them off where the shortest layer ends then you have a braid with ends sticking out along the remainder of the braid. But you could braid it all, tie it off, and then fold it up against your head and hold that in place with a hair clip or a hair stick (or a chop stick). If you braid overhand you create a space underneath the braid into which you can fold the length, and then hold that in place with hair sticks or clips. If you braid underhand you fold the braid up above the braid and hold that in place. Caveat that either can give you a nice thick bump on the back of your head that I find interferes with using a head rest in the car or a desk chair. I sometimes braid it and then pin it up on arrival if I’m driving.

  68. Seeking Second Childhood*

    Project Gutenberg has a ‘random’ option in its search function. That is all. (Link in a followup.)

    2. JediSquirrel*

      Wikipedia has a similar function. There is a lot of stuff I didn’t even know existed.

    4. Candi*

      Available at PG:

      “Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds” by Charles Mackay. A reminder people have had the mass capability to go nuts for a very, very long time. Features research into the South Sea Bubble, the Mississippi Bubble, and the Dutch Tulip debacle from someone closer in time to the fiascos in question. (It’s a shame some of his sources have been lost, or weren’t noted.)

  69. LGC*

    It’s been a while, but…well, this was an unexpected change to my season. Anyway, from the plague capital of America (and of the world)…how’s your running going?

    I promise this will be the only c*********s reference in this post. At least, direct, anyway.

    For me, it’s been a bit of making lemonade out of lemons. My stress levels have been through the roof (especially the week before), so I’ve actually been trying to not run hard workouts. It’s…kind of been a relief, weirdly enough. I’m normally a pretty competitive guy, so I’m usually trying to be right up at the front on team workouts. Oddly enough, I don’t give two hoots about what shows up on Strava (like, I’ll upload my trashy easy runs at two minutes slower than my marathon pace – which in my case is pretty significant!), so I don’t necessarily care about stunting on social media, it’s just keeping up with my teammates.

    One sad thing – which I mentioned up in the dedicated thread – is that the county parks just closed as of this morning. Including the pathway that I use a lot. Fortunately, my area of New Jersey has a really strong running culture, so it’s not too weird for me to be running on the streets. (Although, the route I did under a local highway this morning was a bit harrowing!) The difficult thing is trying to dodge people, which is…an interesting challenge, because it’s like, “okay, I see you but I’m gonna have to go into the street to get six feet and OH WAIT THERE’S A CAR APPROACHING.”

    1. I'm A Little Teapot*

      One of my friends has been running around the block. Literally. He ran 16 miles around the block today. The same block. 1 residential block. It got to the point that a bunch of the neighbors came out to cheer him on. His wife was laughing so hard, so I think it was good for everyone. Times are weird. It’s ok.

      1. The Librarian (not the type from TNT)*

        That’s the most amazing thing I’ve read in a long time. That is incredible.

      2. LGC*

        Does he know the French dude that ran a marathon on his balcony?

        Also, has he considered that ultra in Queens where you run around the same block for 52 days?

        1. I'm A Little Teapot*

          He was training for his own self-designed 100k this summer, but has sadly cancelled it for this year due to coronavirus. I really don’t know why he kept running around the same block, I’m sure it would have been ok for him to expand. But he’s a bit odd (like most of my friends).

          1. Something Blue*

            Maybe it was so he didn’t have to cross any streets and break rhythm? I’ve done that.

          2. LGC*

            The moment you said he was training for a 100k, it all made sense. (Ultra runners are…quirky. So are trail runners. Granted, I’ve found that runners in general are quirky, but there are distinct oddities depending on the type of event you favor.)

            Although, to be fair, I’ve been trying to mentally plan out loops I can run from my apartment that are about a mile or so or less. (I’m in the ‘burbs, so we have smaller blocks here.)

            1. fposte*

              I used to follow the blog of an ultra runner. She was otherwise this very laid-back and funny mommyblogging type and then she’d go run 50-100 miles on a weekend. I found it absolutely fascinating and nothing I’d ever want to do.

    2. Ellie*

      I was training for a 10K that was going to be next weekend. After that got cancelled, I wallowed for a bit and skipped some runs. Now I find that if I’m in a weepy/feel-sorry-for-myself mood, I’ll go on a run. I can’t control whatever the heck is going on out there, but I can control if I’m running. I ran that 10K by myself today to beat a bad case of blues over cancelled travel. Next goal is a half in July. (I really like half marathons; this will be my first after having my son a few years ago.)

      Totally agree on the extra challenge of avoiding people on sidewalks. I find it fun!

      1. LGC*

        The other good thing is that people seem to be a bit friendlier nowadays, at least! Or at least more keyed in because we live in Six Feet Apart now.

        (This includes me, who gave a couple of ladies a timely heads-up about a car approaching from behind them and ahead of me.)

        Good luck on the half! And I’m hoping it happens – people are talking about the US being locked down for 18 months, but it seems like China is already beginning to reopen. July seems…a bit tough weather-wise, unless you’re in a place that doesn’t get hellaciously hot in July. (So, either Australia or heaven.) For me, I can’t really think of much longer than 5k in the summer months – I’ve wanted to do Peachtree, but the thought of running a 10k in July (in Atlanta) is…not appealing.

    3. The Librarian (not the type from TNT)*

      Sorry to hear about your parks closing, LGC. I think we’re going to have the same fate soon–and to be honest, we really should. It wouldn’t affect me as my normal running routes are not in parks, but I did need to change my normal route this week. There have been too many people on my normal path, which is along the waterfront. It was becoming stressful to try to constantly calculate a six-foot distance from walkers, other runners, and people stretched out doing yoga on the path, so I started running on the streets myself.

      This is another “making lemonade out of lemons” situation as I’m enjoying the change. There are not many cars out (honestly, the cyclists are more problematic than the cars), so for once I feel totally safe running on the streets, and I’m getting to explore parts of my area that I’ve never seen before (keeping a safe distance from everyone, of course — and it’s much easier to do it on streets than on my normal path).

      On the other hand, my brother, who is also a runner, lives in a South American country that is enforcing a pretty much total indoor lockdown. People can go out to the grocery store to buy food, but that’s it. They can’t run or exercise outside, and he’s going crazy. I’ll understand that it’s for the greater good if that’s done, but I’m really, really hoping that doesn’t happen.

      1. LGC*

        That’s kind of what I’ve noticed here myself. It seems like a lot of people don’t…really get that although it’s encouraged to get outside, this does not mean that you should go to the park (a place that people are gathering). Even though it’s slightly less risky than – say – gathering indoors, it’s still really bad!

        I’m also hoping that it doesn’t come to a total lockdown here. I’m actually building up my mileage again! I don’t think that even France or Italy are quite that extreme yet (I think France was basically at, “You can go about 1k from your house, and only for an hour”).

    4. Mazzy*

      Running is good! Working in the office, by the time I get home, it’s 45 degrees and just a tad too cold to run outside. But working from home? I can take a run when the temperature peaks at 50 something in the middle of the day, so the number of days I can run outdoors has increased.

      1. LGC*

        …45 is too cold?

        (I used to think of myself as a warm weather guy. Then I ran the NYC Half in a singlet and racing shorts in 2018. For the record, running over the Manhattan Bridge basically undressed in 30-degree weather is not a bright idea, but it is doable.)

        But at least that’s a bright spot. I’ve experienced this too, where I actually get to not have a headlamp on because it’s actually light out. It’s pretty nice.

  70. The Other Dawn*

    Thanks to those that gave me their opinions on Freshly last weekend! My department gifted me a total of 10 meals since I’m out on medical leave.

    I got my shipment Tuesday, which was six meals. I’ve tried two of them and my husband tried one. I tried the pork carnitas, which came with Latin-style rice and beans, and the ole chicken with smoky chile sauce, which came with vegetable sautée and sofrito rice. My husband tried the sausage and peppers.

    The verdict? They’re fine, but nothing I’d ever buy for myself. Both of my meals tasted the same to me. Probably a bad thing since one was pork and one was chicken. They both tasted like chicken to me, and the rice tasted the same, too. My husband said his was good, but the portion size really wasn’t enough for him. Also, I think it’s expensive for what you get. For the six-meal plan, each meal is about 10.00. That’s a lot for what really boils down to a TV dinner. Sure, it’s fresher, but it’s still basically a TV dinner. That said, they were useful since I’m not really up to cooking yet.

    I have four more meals to choose, but I think I’ll wait until the menu changes.

    1. Candi*

      My son and daughter could never tell the difference between pork and chicken. I can barely tell the difference, and I’m super-sensitive to taste subtleties. (Which kind of odd, since I like my spices volcano level.)

      Most of the tastes differences for either often amount to more “where it was farmed” than the difference between the animals. For me, pork is easier to keep from drying out when cooking.

      Thanks for the information on Freshly! :)

    2. Amy*

      I feel the same about Freshly – fine, but nothing to write home about. I get them because they’re convenient and I can split them (one meal will feed myself and my small child, since she doesn’t eat a ton) so they’re pretty cost effective. I used to get Munchery which was the same concept but SO much better, but sadly they closed last year. If I had more time I would rather do Blue Apron, which is usually much tastier, but requires more work. Have you tried the meal kits, like Blue Apron or Sun Basket?

      1. The Other Dawn*

        No, I haven’t tried those. And the only reason I tried Freshly is because work gifted it to me (recovering from surgery this whole month). I decided to order my last four meals so I’ll see how that goes. Something I forgot to mention is that the meals I received–this past Tuesday–say “use by 03/20…Tuesday was 03/24. I didn’t notice until after we ate those meals. They tasted fine, though.

  71. Count Boochie Flagrante*

    Does anyone know of good “so you have a trans family member” resources that don’t assume the trans person is a kid? I’ve finally made up my mind to come out to my family, and I’d like to be able to provide my family members with some resources that aren’t me to answer basic questions. It seems like the vast majority of what’s out there assumes a trans child rather than an adult, and focuses on stuff like dealing with schools & school activities, advocating for a kid with family physicians, etc. Obviously I’m happy that resources for parents of trans children are out there, but what is there for parents (aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc…) of trans adults?

    1. Chaordic One*

      It does seem that, in attempting to be inclusive, there may be a disproportionate emphasis on transgender children and youth, and so you have to sift through the information that’s out there to find what is more relevant for a transgender adult. Still, I would recommend looking through the resources offered by PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They may have to consider changing their name.

    3. small town dr*

      Count,
      I got one of the references from my trans gay son. He recommends makingqueerhistory.com just in case anyone is wondering if LGBTQ folks are new. For the science oriented there is WPATH, the World Professional Association for Transgender Health. Folks usually need a bit to adjust as gender has always been viewed as a binary (though it is not-our minds and bodies are far too complex for that). If my child’s 82 and 87 year old grandparents can use correct pronouns and the right name, anyone who cares can!

      And thanks for the fabulous username. It has made me smile whenever I see it.

  72. Princesa Zelda*

    I want to thank Alison and everyone who’s been giving advice about WFH — I have been feeling really depressed and gray, being cooped up at home on forced leave, and completely unable to focus on anything. I applied a bunch of WFH advice to my hobbies and I feel about 1000x better! I got several hours of research for a writing project done, enjoyed the nice weather, and still feel energized. I think I’ll be treating hobbies and housework as my “job” until the situation reverts to normal. Thanks to all of you!!!

  73. Miriam*

    I have the new Emily St. John Mandel book in my possession, and am really looking forward to it!

    I think I am okay emotionally about Station Eleven (which I just read a month or two ago) because that virus was clearly much deadlier. Like, maybe an inverse mortality rate to what we have now. Not that the current virus isn’t a big problem, but it’s not civilization ending. So I have been able to let that one live in its separate space, away from my real world anxieties.

    Though I will confess that I did have some flashbacks when doing my big grocery trip a couple of weeks ago. I definitely thought about what supplies I’d want if I were in Station Eleven. Luckily I managed to pull back and shop for a reasonable amount of stuff, proportionate to the current crisis and not the end of the world. (I assume the people with hundreds of rolls of toilet paper are the ones who get too into this book? ;-)

    1. What the What*

      I love Station Eleven. I’ve probably read it five times. I did the opposite of hoard though. Doesn’t Station Eleven teach us that it doesn’t matter how much toilet paper we hoard? Survival is not enough!

  74. Free Meerkats*

    I have sewing I need (want) to do, but my WFH workstation has taken over my sewing table.

    I picked up new glasses at the optometrist yesterday – call from the parking lot, optician puts them on a table outside the door, go pick them up. I opened the case to try them on and dropped them on the concrete. No harm I thought. Got home and went to clean some spots – not spots, scratches. So I’ll call them Monday to get that lens remade. And they look really good on me!

    And I still need to go to wrok tomorrow for a couple of hours – sucks being essential…

    1. SyFyScientist*

      WFH has taken over my sewing table as well. I forgot to take the cutting mat off so now it is trapped under all the stuff and I’m too lazy to move it.
      Glad your glasses look good even if you need to get them redone.

    2. Overeducated*

      I need to buy a new mattress – online! (Not today, but definitely before we’re ready to go back to jumping on them in stores, and browsing will keep me busy for a while at home.) The only mattress I’ve ever bought was the cheapest one with a box spring in some sketchy discount store right out of college, so I am overwhelmed by choice. Should i go for another spring mattress? A memory foam one, which I’ve never used, or will that just result in a crater the size of my body? A hybrid? And do i actually need a box spring? I’m also interested in recommendations for specific relatively low cost mattresses (ideally $500 or less, a bit more is ok but not four figures).

      What should I get?

  75. Anonymous Educator*

    If anyone’s looking for something good to watch on Netflix, please watch Crip Camp.

  76. SyFyScientist*

    I have to buy a car because mine was totalled (fun to get that call from the cops that my car was totalled and they towed it off while I was at work). It was only a few years old with low mileage and I’m planning to just replace it with the same car. I’ve been calling dealerships and a couple say they don’t negotiate on used car pricing (corporate reasons, etc.). Is that a thing? I’ve never bought a used car from a dealership, just from random craigslist people and when I bought my (previous) new car I don’t feel like the dealership negotiated.

    1. RC Rascal*

      Not sure what brand of car you are looking to buy, but in my experience they will all negotiate on used cars. If they have something cherry on their lot they might not negotiate much, especially if it’s a desirable vehicle. On new cars, sometimes there isn’t much room to negotiate; especially if the factory incentives are large.

      Here are my 2 approaches for buying used cars (I never buy new).

      Approach #1: Figure out what make and model you want and look for a used lot that has several of them. Go to the lot, say you are interested in that kind of car, and ask which one they can make a deal on. If something is nearing the end of its time on their financing floorplan, they WILL make a deal, sometimes a shockingly good one.

      Approach #2: Figure out how much money you can spend, go to cars.com, and review all vehicles that meet your specifications at that price (mileage range, vehicle type, etc). You must be agnostic about exactly what you want but be open to the best possible car you can get at that price. Shortlist 3-5 vehicles, call for appointment, and go look at them. You will always get a better deal if you can identify a car that is on a lot that is a different brand than the car you want to purchase (i.e. you can get a better deal on a used Honda on a Subaru dealership than a Honda dealership).

      Always make friends with a great independent mechanic and have them review the vehicle before you purchase.

      2. Heffalump*

        I understand “used car lot” to mean something that’s just what the name says, not affiliated with a dealership, and I have to say I think the negative stereotypes about them have an element of truth. An experience with one of them a few years ago definitely lived up to the stereotype. I didn’t end up buying a car from them. What do you think? (Backstory: I’ve only ever bought used cars, and only from private parties.)

        1. SyFyScientist*

          When I looked online almost all of these are affiliated with dealerships. A couple seem to be the classic used car lot where they aren’t a specific type of car but have lot of different inventory. All the prices are fairly similar between the different types. Although, as someone suggested down thread I could ask for other perks.

      3. Not So NewReader*

        I tend to believe you will get a different answer in person than you will on the phone, OP. Not right, I agree. However, it’s there.

    2. fhqwhgads*

      Some dealerships are no-haggle; some are not. Sounds like those who told you “corporate reasons” are the former. There are plenty of both though.

    3. Candi*

      A piece of advice I read -several years ago, so I’m adding a salt shaker: Buy your car near the end of the month to take advantage of the salesmen needing to make commission. They’ll be more inclined to bargain.

      Background info to advice: I read dealerships run on a calendar-month sales commission cycle. So March 1 -March 31, and April 1 will be a new cycle. So today a car salesman has three days to finish up his commissions for the month.

      Allegedly, a salesman who is low-ish on commissions near the end of the month would rather make some commission then no commission, so will be more inclined to go easy on prices, payments, and perks, just to make a sale.

      And yes, it is rather sleazy. I’d prefer to do it to the office jerk so as not to feel bad. :p

      2. Sunflower Sea Star*

        Best deal I ever got on a car was on NYE. End of the year + bought a previous year model but new car.

    4. mreasy*

      Nicole Cliffe has an amazing piece on how to do this – link will go into moderation but if you google her name and how to buy a car you’ll find it – many anecdotes seem to indicate it works.

    5. Policy wonk*

      Last car I bought used I got the same story from all the dealers. Now that everything is on the internet, the competition is cut-throat so they don’t negotiate on price. Where you can negotiate is on things like service – I got a full year of free maintenance. They can also negotiate on things like financing – I didn’t need it and it doesn’t sound like you do either, but something to think about.

      1. SyFyScientist*

        Thanks, I just asked the no-haggle dealership what they could offer for maintenance, etc.

    6. KR*

      While I have never negotiated a price for a car (one car I bought from a dealership was hard to find and was already at a good price) you can absolutely negotiate used car prices. Some dealerships seem to have a “this is the best price and that’s that” attitude, but you can always take your business to other dealerships if you don’t find a price you like.

  78. Flaxseed*

    Can sinuses cause a migraine? I had sinus pain at night and then the next morning it developed into a migraine- sensitivity to light, vomitting, etc. A cold compress, dark room, and sleep usually cure it for me. I felt a lot better the next day.

    Is there anything that helps?

    1. WS*

      Yes! Sinus problems are my number one trigger for migraines, and have been since I was a child. The best thing I’ve found is to use a cortisone nasal spray (Nasonex in my case, but there’s various options) all year round to prevent sinus problems in the first place. I also take low dose amitriptyline as a migraine preventative, but until I used the nasal spray, sinus pain could still set of a migraine.

    2. Chaordic One*

      You do want to keep your sinuses open and be able to breathe through your nose if at all possible. Things that help at night are sleeping with your head slightly elevated (an adjustable bed is great, but one of those wedge pillows for your upper body can also be helpful), rinsing out your sinuses with a neti pot or similar devise (I swear by the NeilMed sinus rinse with the squeezable plastic bottle), Flonase nasal spray (Nasonex leaves a funny taste in my mouth) and sometimes a good anti-histamine (Benadryl or the generic equivalent work well for me) to help keep your sinuses clear.

      After the headache starts, I’ve had good luck with Excedrine for Migraines. Sometimes a cup of coffee helps, but too much coffee seems to make it worse. But mostly sleep.

      1. Jdc*

        I wouldn’t add caffeine to that as the migraine one already has caffeine. That is the only difference. Too much caffeine can make it worse. So regular excedrine with caffeine or the migraine one minus kore caffeine.

    4. Fikly*

      100%

      My sister had a bone spur in her sinuses, and horrible migraines. Eventually had surgery to remove the bone spur, and her migraines completely went away.

  79. Misty*

    This is going to sound super dumb. But can anyone keep me in their thoughts tonight (or today if it’s daytime where you’re at). I’m just feeling all the emotions. And it’s too late to phone a family member or a friend. I know this is kinda dumb to post but it makes me feel better thinking that in the universe maybe someone will read it and think of me and I’ll be a little less alone right now.

    4. Sunflower Sea Star*

      I’ll be thinking of you. I have had similar moments in the last few weeks.
      Maybe it’s weird because I left that stage of my life a long time ago, but often when I’m up in the night feeling stress, anxiety, or loneliness, I think of all the new moms who are up with babies not yet sleeping through the night, trying to figure out the change in their lives. It helped me a lot when I was a new mom, and even though it’s been decades since a new baby was the cause of my late night wakings, I still find it comforting to think of a whole bunch of new moms comforting and caring for new babies at night.

    6. Llama Face!*

      Sending you a friendly wave from western Canada. I’m over here thinking of you and hoping you feel like you’re part of this community and not alone. I’ve been in similar places too so I’m sympathizing with you.

    8. Not A Manager*

      I will absolutely keep you in my thoughts. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.

    9. NoLongerYoung*

      Sending a virtual hug. Quite a few of us out here tonight. I want to encourage you…. sharing with us is a good step. (heart)

    11. Jean (just Jean)*

      One more person coming to say “thinking of you.” I hope that by now you’re either asleep or engaged in some stress-free activity. These are difficult times.

    12. Not So NewReader*

      Thinking of you, Misty.

      We will get through this. And we will be wiser because of it.

    13. No Tribble At All*

      Hi Misty, hope you’re feeling better in the morning <3 I went for a walk this morning and there was lots of fog and dew, so virtually, at least, I saw you.

    14. Call me St. Vincent*

      It’s the next day, but sending you encouragement and strength and knowing you are not alone!

    15. KR*

      Sending good vibes and good thoughts your way ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. I also just told my dog “Keep Misty in your happy thoughts.” I am not joking. I actually did this and a funny hand wave in the direction I imagine you to be. You aren’t alone.

    16. Wandering*

      Not dumb at all. It’s a common request in my community.
      Hope you slept and are easier today.

    17. Misty*

      OP here from top comment in this thread.

      Thank you so much!!! I came on this afternoon and started crying (good tears!) because you all are so sweet. It really meant a lot to me <3 <3 <3

      1. Misty*

        Much better actually! Thanks for asking! This weekend was a rough one for me (had some medical issues and had to go to a hospital which made me nervous due to hospitals not feeling like a super great place to have to go in the current environment.) But I’m home now and pretty happy about that! Also feel like maybe after three weeks I’m finally getting the hang of this stay-home-all-day-and-do-online-classes thing. Hope you’re doing well and starting off strong this week also.

    19. Jambon-Beurre*

      You’re in my thoughts! Hang in there and know you’re not really alone where it counts.

  80. Jessen*

    I am trying to sew a bustle skirt. Spook keeps trying to help me out. So far he’s had a great time batting at the waist tie while I finished that part up and has now proceeded to trying to chew on my tulle while I work on it. This may be quite the challenge.

    Anyone else have any good stories of crafting with furry helpers?

    1. Not So NewReader*

      omg. So I keep my sewing machine on the dining room table when I am doing a project. My previous dog had a habit of tearing through the house, young, energetic dog-stuff. He ran under the table and his leg got caught in the electrical cord. He pulled my machine right off the table and it SLAMMED on the floor. Since my house is old everything shook- the walls, the floor, just everything shook.

      My dog realized he made a huge mistake and was scared/remorseful. I got on the floor to talk with him and I comforted him and let him know it was over. Then I went to check the machine. I figured this expensive electronic machine it was D-O-N-E, done.

      I plugged it back in and turned it on.
      The machine was FINE.

      The dog was not injured, the machine was fine. It’s been years and I still marvel at that one.

    2. Elspeth Mcgillicuddy*

      My cat is a fun sewing companion, because she doesn’t object to being dressed up in scraps. Whenever she comes over to bug me, I tie a piece around her neck, or make ear hole for a quick “bonnet”.

      1. Jessen*

        I have not attempted that with Spook. So far however the evidence is that he would probably try to eat the scraps. He seems in general the type with a fondness for putting things in his mouth that don’t belong there.

  81. Jean (just Jean)*

    Please wish me well as I brave the communal laundry room in our apartment building. Mostly I figure we’ll be okay if I wipe down the washers & dryers before using (and afterwards, as per request from landlord), avoid touching my face, and change my clothes when I’m back home. But it’s a scary task because one member of my household is medically fragile. It’s also annoying because I waited so long that now I will have to do multiple loads over multiple days. We just don’t have the space to air-dry everything at once! Oh, well, life these days is based on accepting less-than-ideal circumstances. Why should the laundry be any different?
    Hand washing in the bathroom is not an option. It’s not an efficient use of water and I’m already protecting my wrists from low-level carpal tunnel symptoms.

    1. Not So NewReader*

      I do wish you well on this one.

      Maybe the place will be empty or near empty. I hope.

      It sounds like you are doing everything you can think of to stay safe. That is worth something right there.

      1. valentine*

        Is there not a groundskeeper/custodian who cleans the laundry room or are you wanting everything cleaned between neighbors?

        Do you have space for a tall drying rack?

        1. Jean (just Jean)*

          Thanks for asking! We have capacity for three folding racks of varying dimensions. (Motivation was a blend of ecological concern + massive irritation at the cost of the dryer on top of the cost of the washer. Total is less than $4.00/load, so not utterly unaffordable, but certainly outrageous in comparison to the minimal per-load cost of running privately owned machines.

          Custodians clean the laundry room three times a day, but it’s a windowless place with poor ventilation and I have no idea about the health or careful or careless coughing of other residents. I’ve been calm about almost everything else including going grocery shopping…but spouse’s health + C-19 monster = the current magnet for all my stray uneasiness. Also as the designated shopper plus chief cook & bottle washer I really, really don’t want to get sick myself.

    2. Overeducated*

      We also have communal laundry, and with an infant we can’t do it less than 2x a week. We are being very diligent about hand washing after trips down (but honestly rationing our Clorox wipes and paper towels because they haven’t gone back in stock), but for our sanity we have to think about it as part of normal life. I wish you well, and i am reasonably confident you will be fine, as I am for myself.

    3. Nervous Nellie*

      My building has a shared laundry room too. I bring a bleach-soaked-and-wrung-out dish towel with me in a zipper bag, and wipe down my machines with it before and after. I also do the doorknobs and light switches. I also wear a mask & rubber dishwashing gloves, and soak them in bleach/dish soap solution afterwards. Also, our laundry room is accessible 24 hours a day, so I get up really early (like 4am) to get loads on. I am done by 6am, long before most of my neighbors are even up.

      Good luck to you! Shared laundry really is a pain. :)

    4. Jean (just Jean)*

      Update: I lost my nerve entirely. Or rather, I finally heeded my body’s message which was sitting around to the tune of “No, we are *not* going down to the laundry room.”

      Scrubbed the tub, installed a metal folding rack, and went to town with soap, water, oxygen bleach, and several plastic wastebaskets. Also splurged on a centrifuge–a small electric appliance that hopefully will spin enough water out of the clothing to facilitate speedier air drying. It’s definitely exercise. It’s time-consuming but gives me peace of mind so I don’t object to the trade-off.

      1. Jean (just Jean)*

        P.S. Sorry not to say this right up front: Thank you all for the moral support! (Guilty of trying to type while also listening to the news on NPR.)

    5. Pam*

      We did a laundromat run today. Lots of hand sanitizer and sitting in the car to wait fir things to finish.

  82. Anon for this*

    My partner has quite bad depression and this weekend has been a bad few days for him. He had a very minor disagreement with his mom on the phone yesterday and then spent the rest of the day in bed. He’s still in bed today and isn’t eating properly. I don’t know how to help him and all the treatment he was getting has been postponed for lockdown. I can’t finish household chores because our washing machine is disconnected and I don’t trust myself to fix it and I’m generally feeling alone and sad. I could really use a hug but he’s not in a place to give that and, lockdown, so. You guys get my complaints :p

    1. Anon for this*

      (I’m in a timezone where it’s lunchtime btw I’m not expecting him to be up at 8.30am…)

    3. Might be Spam*

      I’m sorry you have to go through this.
      Here’s a big squishy hug for you.
      {{{Hug}}}

  84. Rebecca*

    It’s a rainy weekend here in central PA, glad for the rest!

    My neighbor and I went on a hike last Sunday, and it turned out to be grueling. She asked where I wanted to go, I said, you pick! It started out OK, nice vista at a 2000′ elevation and on the map, looked totally reasonable – until the descent into the valley. It was a narrow, rocky goat path and I was truly frightened the entire time. I’m afraid of heights, and since no cell service, no one to help, and no choice other than to continue, my neighbor and I picked our way to the bottom. Whew!! We walked along the creek for a while, then made the turn to go back up the valley to the top and…a wide stream. No place to cross that didn’t involved wet feet. It was 40 degrees outside. So, we waded through. Waterproof shoes do not keep your feet dry if the water is midway up your calf. So, more than once on the way back up, I sat down, took off my shoes, rung out my wool socks, put them back on, and continued. Then we got to the hard part. Apparently there was some sort of downdraft or straight line wind last summer or fall, and there were dozens of big trees down. So to add to the fun, we had to climb over, under, around, through water, on slippery mossy rocks, for about 1/2 mile up hill. We made frequent stops, ate snacks, rested, and encouraged each other the whole time. 7 hours into our hike, we finally got back to the top at a primitive camping area. It was dark. We were dead tired, and still had a mile to go. So, we split a big piece of cheese, sat down for 15 minutes, laughed and congratulated each other for making it safely, broke out the flashlights, and walked the final mile to the car. Finally we hit cell service again, and were able to tell family members “hey, we’re OK, just delayed, don’t send the fire company for a land rescue!!” My neighbor said, I bet you’ll never let me pick the hike again, and I laughed and said, no worries, I could have picked the same trail! We saw some amazing waterfalls and rock features, boulders, and a vista where you can see for miles downstream on a clear sunny day, things that very few people have seen, and I can probably guarantee I’ll never see again.

    I pulled the game cam yesterday and discovered I have a very bushy tailed fox making its rounds, no bears yet, but people are reporting they’re out and about. We also had a heavy thunderstorm overnight. The trees are starting to get buds and little by little signs of Spring are appearing, daffodils are blooming too.

    Trying to look for positive things and keeping busy by organizing and of all things, playing Candy Crush and Farm Heroes Saga. I know that sounds weird but it helps to keep my mind off of the crapstorm that has erupted around us. It doesn’t help that my mother is even worse than usual, as Her Royal Highness can’t get her special foods now. She has backed herself into such restricted food groups and now things are scarce or non-existent, like “Lipton Decaf Tea”. Nope, I might be able to get Great Value, and she made a face, and said “well, OK, just this once”. And no, there is no Arnold’s Oat Nut bread. She won’t eat plain white bread. She’s so picky and not because of legitimate health reasons, I think she has an eating disorder. I mean, there is no flexibility, it must be X Brand of 100% fat free plain Greek yogurt or none at all. So, it’s None At All. I figure if she’s hungry she’ll eat something pedestrian like I do.

    This made me smile! For some reason, my nails are all the same length again, so I painted the a metallic lavender color. It’s very pretty and I’m happy I can do that for myself. My hands are so dry from all the hand washing, so I tried slathering them in CeraVe and putting socks over them while I sleep – wow, what a difference that makes!!

    ExH news, and it’s not good for him. He’s the poster child for not being compliant with doctor’s instructions. I had heard from his sister that not only has he had 3 surgeries on his foot, and now half of it has been amputated due to infections, he won’t adhere to any dietary instructions or really any medical instructions re Type II Diabetes and neuropathy, but now he’s developed MRSA and what’s left of his foot is infected. He was sent to a nursing home for yet more weeks of IV antibiotics, and that’s where he is during the pandemic. I’m not surprised this has happened. And she didn’t call to tell me that, I called her to ask her how she and her husband were doing, since they have health issues (she has leukemia and other conditions and is immuniocompromised), at the end of the conversation, she brought it up in the context that she felt I should know. I feel bad to a point, like, he’s a human being who is very sick, but we all make choices. I envision the Knight Templar in the Holy Grail movie “he chose poorly”.

    So, hoping everyone is OK. If we get a break in the rain today, I think I’ll take an ear of corn and give our neighborhood bull a snack, look for birds, see what other wild flowers are blooming or popping up, just to get out of the house.

    1. Lizabeth*

      You are brave! I would have turned around at the goat path, hiked back out from there and called it a day. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a goat path to hike but I’d rather go up than down one. Is the fox a red or grey?

      1. Rebecca*

        Not sure about the fox – I tend toward red, hope I see him or her during the day! The daytime photos are really nice, but the fox appeared at night, so it’s in black and white. I’d much rather climb up than down, too.

    2. Jaid*

      In Philly here. Dreary, dreary weather. It’s a good day to add some wine to hot chocolate, gaze outside at the rain, and thank G-d we’re not out in it.

    3. PX*

      Its been so long since I’ve been with my friends who are bad decision hikers (think, wading through some kind of marsh thing because it looked like a really obvious shortcut), so I loved hearing your adventure! At least we could blame it on being young and foolish :’D

      Glad you survived and enjoyed it though! Sometimes those views which you know no one else is likely to ever see are definitely worth it.

    4. Elspeth Mcgillicuddy*

      I must say, your mom does have good taste in bread. My grocery store stopped carrying Arnold’s Oat Nut a year ago, so now I have to get Brownberry Oat Nut instead. Alas and alack.

    5. My Brain Is Exploding*

      I must say I look forward to your posts! We are about the same age, so I enjoy your references to things like “old” music. And I love your fortitude and determination and the fact that you can see good things as well as bad. And if I had gone on that hike I might have been panicking!

    6. My coworker made me sign a cast on her crotch*

      Your mom sounds similar to mine regarding being very picky about food items. I am too to an extent but I’m also aware of what’s going on and up until recently was shopping myself and just couldn’t find certain brands/items.

      Lavendar sounds like a lovely color.

      I’m sorry that your ex is going through that. I remember your early posts. No matter how much someone hurts you it’s not easy to see or hear of them being in so much pain. But…choices.

    7. NoLongerYoung*

      Just sending a big hug, and wow – I hope your muscles don’t scream too much when the recovery hits. (The first time I did a 7 hour up and down, the down nearly killed me – and I ‘thought’ I was relatively in shape, sort of…. I could walk all day on nice flat surfaces!)

      And, so sorry to hear about your XH. It’s hard in so many ways, watching people live with their choices when it could have been so very different.

    8. WoodswomanWrites*

      That sounds like quite a hike. I think many of us who spend time on trails run into something unexpected like that. I certainly have. But you did everything right to manage it–you had a companion, you brought food, you wrung out your socks so you woudn’t get blisters, you brought flashlights in case you were stuck after dark. What has saved me on trails like that are trekking poles, which are like being four-legged? Do you use those?

      Cool also to read about your trail cam and the fox sighting. I always enjoy reading about your outdoor adventures. I’m heading out soon with my camera to check out spring wildflowers. I know that for me, being in nature is especially welcome these days.

      I’m sorry to read about the health choices your ex made, and to hear about the health issues of your ex’s sister. This must be a scary time for her and I’m glad you can check in.

  85. Pharmgirl*

    Does anyone know if you can clip nails that have a gel manicure? Or is it better to remove the polish first? I hardly every get manicures, and rarely the gel ones. I got one about 3 weeks ago for an event that was cancelled, and now my nails are getting pretty long which I’m not used to. Obviously the salon is closed, but I also don’t have any remover or acetone. Would just clipping my nails despite the thicker coating be okay?

    1. Lives in a Shoe*

      I get gel pedis and I’ve never had a problem clipping my toenails with the gell still on.

    2. Courageous cat*

      Yep. If you’re like me and don’t care about nail health much (they do grow back after all! haha) just clip them and it will allow you to slowly peel it off over the course of a day. Very satisfying in some ways.

      1. Reba*

        yeah, I’ve found that if you clip the polish will lift off (which might be ok! it can be a good way to remove it!). You can also file and shape the nails with a glass file.

  86. Overeducated*

    I need to buy a new mattress – online! (Not today, but definitely before we’re ready to go back to jumping on them in stores, and browsing will keep me busy for a while at home.) The only mattress I’ve ever bought was the cheapest one with a box spring in some sketchy discount store right out of college, so I am overwhelmed by choice. Should i go for another spring mattress? A memory foam one, which I’ve never used, or will that just result in a crater the size of my body? A hybrid? And do i actually need a box spring? I’m also interested in recommendations for specific relatively low cost mattresses (ideally $500 or less, a bit more is ok but not four figures). What should I get?

    1. Max Kitty*

      We got a Tuft & Needle memory foam mattress two or three years ago and have been very pleased with it. They ship it to you and have a trial period so you can send it back if you don’t like it.

    2. Reba*

      Re: box spring, depends what kind of bed frame you have!

      If you want to get way to into this, look at the Mattress Underground forums :)

      Some of the internet mattress co’s have options in your range.
      There are a lot of not helpful review sites, but if you can get a sense of the different materials (memory foam, latex) that will guide you in your shopping. Mattress Underground has explainers and buying guide.

      Good luck! I hope you get something great.

    3. Penguin*

      Tuft & Needle make a good one, although they raised their prices a couple years ago and now Queen sized is closer to $600. (Although apparently it’s on sale right now!)

    4. acmx*

      I have the Zinus one that’s on Amazon. Personally, I find it hot but it’s comfortable (softness wise). I just use a metal frame with the mattress (another Amazon purchase, around $60). The foam ones are heavy, though. Probably 70#.

      1. Overeducated*

        Thanks, a few comments have mentioned Tuft & Needle so I’ll check them out. Says on sale for $536, which is not the cheapest mattress out there but doesn’t set off my insane-o-meter either.

    5. My Brain Is Exploding*

      Thirding tuft and needle. No box spring needed, no body dents, no motion transfer. Easy returns.

    6. KR*

      I got a name brand tempurpedic secondhand from my dad and I LOVE it. However, he did not like it. He had a severe back injury and found that in the morning, he would be sunk into the mattress and have a hard time getting out of bed (~200lb, 6ft). I love it because I sink into the mattress so when I wake up I’m extra toasty and the bed is all warm/cozy around me (petite 5ft 115lbs). My husband (185lbs, 5ft10) really likes the tempurpedic but says he wants to look at our options when it’s time to replace in case there’s something better for him out there. I included heights/weights because I know mattresses are so dependent on body type/physical state. Hope you find a good mattress out there! One thing to consider is a lot of the new mattress-in-a-box type companies have 30-day money back guarantees. They will come pick it up if you don’t like it, and you have a while to decide if you like it or not.

      1. KR*

        Something to keep in mind with tempurpedics is that if you keep your house cool, it will be more stiff when you first lay on it until your body heat makes it softer.

    7. Miss Pantalones en Fuego*

      We recently stayed in a hotel that had a foam mattress and I didn’t like it at all. Granted it was quite thin but it was very warm and I could feel the platform under it. Probably not available right now, but I recently bought a Hovag mattress from Ikea and I’m quite happy with it.

  87. Jessie*

    Does anyone know a good online workout I can do at home? I was going to join the gym right before we went on lockdown, so I am now lost and not sure what to do. I don’t need to lose weight, but I want to tone up (especially legs and stomach) and would like to get fitter too. I used to do Jillian Michaels but I wasn’t that happy because even though it made me fitter, it didn’t tone me that much.
    I know the emphasis these days is on short daily workouta. I.e Jillian Michaels’ workout was 20 minutes a day. But I feel that I would prefer a longer workout, maybe three or four times a week. I don’t think I can fit in a daily workout, even if it is 20 minutes. So, any suggestions?

    1. Pharmgirl*

      Do you have a budget? I like the beach body workouts because they have a good emphasis on strength training – $99 per year I think and there are tons of options for programs. I tried daily burn which is similar and they sometimes have free trial options on Groupon.

        1. Pharmgirl*

          Yes – they work with smart TVs / streaming sticks if you want to watch in a larger screen. It’s like Netflix for workouts.

    2. Valancy Snaith*

      Check out Fitness Blender on Youtube. They have a huge variety of workouts, everything from 10-minute HIIT stuff to 40-50 minute full-body and focused workouts.

      1. Roja*

        I was coming to comment Fitness Blender as well!

        Also Yoga with Adriene has great videos if you’re into yoga.

    3. Bex*

      I just download the HIIT app from Down Dog. I love their yoga app and they’re offering everything for free right now so I figured I’d give the HIIT one a try! It’s pretty customizable, and you can set the workout time from 2 minutes all the way to 55. Might be worth a shot since there are no upfront costs?

    4. Call me St. Vincent*

      Peloton Digital is free for 90 days right now. They have lots of classes that require no equipment such as cardio dance, outdoor running, strength training, core, etc.

      2. Trixie*

        Peloton Digital looks very interesting. A lot of programs are offering more-than-usual free content right now for the masses. Two of my favorites to sample right now are Alo Moves (yoga) and Redefining Strength (offers great suggestions for bodyweight movements ) Also sandysklarxfit has great demos on Instagram.

    5. Katefish*

      I love Yoga with Adriene and Pop Pilates… Both free over YouTube. (I usually do stuff on my own for cardio but apparently there are things on Prime also.)

  88. Bluebell*

    So the guinea pig is here. Daughter is doing a good job at cleaning his crate, and there is good coexistence with the dog. Thanks for last week’s advice. Any tips on trimming those sharp little toenails?

    1. McGruff*

      If you’re ever uncomfortable trying it on your own, do you have a local SPCA? They will trim them for a small donation. Otherwise, the pet stores sell small animal clippers and powder in case of cutting too close and it stops the bleeding. It can be tough depending on how your guinea pigs reacts to being held.

      1. Bluebell*

        We are in MA and everything is super shut down. Daughter ordered clippers from Petco but they never arrived. I think she will try to reorder.

        1. McGruff*

          Yeah, sometimes I keep forgetting stuff is closed. Still not used to it. Later down the line when things open up again and if you live close enough, the one in Methuen always seemed pretty good. I’m not sure of any other ones in MA, if at all.

          Try and find some good YouTube videos on cutting them and not getting to close to the wick. It can seem daunting at first but you will get used to it.

          Good luck with the new pig! They are great pets and I cannot imagine not ever having one now.

    2. Pennyworth*

      Are you able to let you guinea pig run around safely on a paved surface? It will wear the nails down a bit. I think you can buy harnesses for them too.

      1. Bluebell*

        Good idea! I think daughter bought a harness but it’s wet out today. Don’t want to smell wet guinea pig. :)

    3. Gatomon*

      I have two piggies! It’s hard on the dark black nails if your guinea pig has them, but a flashlight will help you find the quick. I just use the same clippers I have for my cat, but in the past I used human nail clippers. Don’t cut directly down that way, rotate the clippers to the side so they strike the wide, flat side of the nail.

  89. Monterey Jaclyn*

    How do you stop from caring when someone’s mad at you? I set some boundaries with an online friend and they are Not Happy. I didn’t respond to the last text and they haven’t reached out again. I know I was right to set the boundaries but it’s like I can feel the bad vibes from 500 miles away and it eats at me.

    1. LGC*

      That’s…simultaneously tougher and easier than you’d think.

      So, if you’re like me, you’re probably somewhat empathetic and the reason you feel the bad vibes from 500 miles away is because…well, they are mad at you for setting (I presume reasonable) boundaries! Or at least, they were when they sent that ragetext. So, this might not have been what you’re asking for, but caring about someone being mad at you when they obviously are mad at you is kind of reasonable, I think.

      On the other hand, what I think you’re really asking is how to let it bother you less. And you have two advantages: First, I think you’re the reasonable party here. Second, they’re 500 miles away, not five feet. (And even if they are five feet away, tell them to back up another damn foot.) For starters, I would suggest avoiding the online spaces they’re present in for a couple of days. (It sucks, and it’s unfair, but it’s something you can control and I would give the friend the same advice.) It sounds like you need some space from them, so give yourself that space.

      Second – don’t feel bad about feeling bad about offending your friend! You sound like a decent person and while in a perfect world you’d be able to assert yourself without fear of offending others…this is very obviously not a perfect world. Your feelings are your feelings, and they’re valid.

      Finally, you did the right thing in not engaging with your friend. Continue not engaging with their anger.

      Sooner or later – and I have a hunch it’ll be sooner – this won’t sting that much.

    2. Anonnington*

      Honestly, I just cut people off when it reaches the point you described. People who react to, “no,” with anger are generally just going to create problems. Best to walk away.

      Keep propelling yourself forward with whatever you do (work, hobbies, activism, volunteer work, etc). Then the social side of life will seem less important. And you’ll meet people who will be better friends.

      It can be weird. Sometimes, people seem great, but they also have some issues that are a real deal-breaker for friendship. It’s sad, but that’s life. Go do something fun and relaxing and shift your focus to the future.

    3. Generic Name*

      Being a people pleaser myself I know how hard it can be to set boundaries. Even super normal and reasonable ones. You’re doing a great job at reinforcing the boundary you just set. Reasonable and normal people don’t get pissed when you set reasonable and normal boundaries. You’ve just learned something very valuable about this person.

    4. Not So NewReader*

      It’s so true that we do feel the bad vibes. Sometimes I can enter a room and feel the vibes from people talking about me. I have to conclude that we are supposed to feel these things so we are aware.

      What these means is I have to be careful about the vibes I am sending out. If I can feel theirs they might feel MINE.

      My suggestion to you is to say into the air, “Online Friend, I wish you peace [/the best to you/other appropriate wish].” Do this each time you feel a wave of anger or if you just happen to think of the person.

      We can’t stop other people’s upset. But we can look at our own upset and try to help ourselves along. Oddly, wishing another person peace can help give us peace, too.

      1. Monterey Jaclyn*

        Thank you, this is helpful. I can distract myself during the day, but in down time, like in the shower, falling asleep, I start to spiral.

    5. valentine*

      The vibes are coming from inside the house. Were you raised to take on everyone’s emotions and/or to feel guilty? Find the root and reroute it.

    6. Miranda Priestly's Assistant*

      I totally sympathize with this. Even when I logically know I’m reasonable, if my words/actions result in someone being angry at me, it bothers me a lot. This is probably not helpful, but I think it will go away with time. This is a recent thing that just happened and you are still reacting emotionally to it. It’s okay to feel funky initially – you just went through an uncomfortable interaction! I say comfort yourself for the time being – ice cream, movies, etc.

  90. Might be Spam*

    My laptop suddenly died and I’m having more anxiety about it than I normally would. I live alone and if my phone dies I will be totally cut off. The phone is about due to be replaced and I don’t know how much longer it will last.

    Any suggestions on getting a new laptop? If you were getting a laptop, which brand or model would you get? I need lots of RAM and to be able to play DVDs and a 15-17 inch screen.

    All I have is my phone for internet now and it’s hard to shop that way. My son will do some research for me but he is WFH and doesn’t have a lot of time to help.

    1. fposte*

      No specific suggestions, because I use them very differently, but you might stay open to the possibility of an external DVD drive if you find a laptop you otherwise like–a lot of laptops aren’t including the built-in drives these days.

      1. NoLongerYoung*

        I have an external Samsung “Ultra thin DVD writer” that we got when I bought my Asus 5 years ago. Probably more now (was $30 then). But well worth it, and very lightweight (although I have never taken it with me anywhere). YMMV, I’m on Windows.

    2. KR*

      Something to consider if you can afford it is to get a small flip-phone or used “dumb” phone. If your phone breaks (knocking on my wood desk now) you can switch the Sim card between the two phones. You could also achieve this with a pre-paid phone you could keep in a safe place. I keep my old LG Octane (a “dumb” phone) so if my smartphone were to die I can go into a Verizon store and have them switch the service to my old phone while I get a new one (which I need because our work VPN logs in by calling our cell phones, so no cell phone, can’t work).

    3. University Minion*

      Get on Costco.com and pick one in your price range. Unless you’re into gaming, graphic design or a few other specialized fields, any laptop will do.

    4. Chaordic One*

      It might be worth it to look at Consumer Reports magazine. I’ve had good luck with their recommendations in the past. It has been several years since I bought computers, a desktop and 2 laptops, but when I did, I made sure to buy them with lots of RAM with the expectation that software and apps would change and I would need more of it in the future. I ended up having to sort of custom order them instead of just buying something cheap on sale, but I think it was worth it. When I bought them they ran on Windows 7 and they made the upgrade to Windows 10 with no problems. So far so good.

    5. Anonymous Educator*

      Another option you might want to consider is not getting a 17″ laptop (which, especially with a lot of horsepower, which I’m assuming you want, since you’re saying it needs lots of RAM) and instead getting a desktop (more horsepower for less money), an external monitor, and a Chromebook. Then, when you need power and a large screen, you’ve got it, and when you need portability, you’ve also got it.

      A nice, 17″ laptop is roughly US$1800-2500.

      You could get a nice gaming desktop for US$1200 (including keyboard and mouse), a 19″ monitor for US$70, an optical drive for US$20, and a Chromebook for US$200, and that’d be only US$1500.

      Just something to think about.

    6. Might be Spam*

      Wish me luck. My son helped me pick one out. Now I hope it is really in stock and won’t be back ordered.
      Thanks for the suggestions everyone!

  91. Canuck girl*

    Car maintenance question for those who have winter tires and summers/all seasons. Where I am in Canada temps are trending to consistently above be 7 C (44 F) going forward..the temp when you’re supposed to swap your winters to your summers. I didn’t get my winter tires swapped, because when store and business shut downs started I wasn’t thinking about it and there were still colder days. Anyone in the same situation? It’s not the end of the world if I keep them on even through the summer, but it’ll wear them down more quickly. My winters (on rims) are stored at my mechanics’, no idea if his shop is still open and tbh I am not keen on having someone else in my car to do this. Even if his shop is open and I could retrieve them, that’s a no go..I can’t lift them, and there’s no one from my social circle that I would ask to do that in these times. And so obviously, changing them myself is out of the question – I have zero strength to do that, no tools etc.

    Looking for some…commiseration and reassurance, because practical advice at this point is probably, well, not even that practical. Thanks in advance.

    1. Alex*

      I’m in the same situation. I’m not worrying about it too much. Of course, I’m also not driving anywhere. I had an appointment for the switch over the day after our city closed businesses. I wasn’t sure if they would be open, but I called and no one answered the phone, so I took that as a “we’re closed”.

      It is what it is. If we get let out again in the next couple of months, I’ll make an appointment then.

      1. Insurance mom*

        I agree. You probably aren’t traveling much right now so won’t wear down the tires much. Give yourself a break and put it at the bottom of things to worry about

    2. Not So NewReader*

      My summer tires are several towns over right now. Under normal conditions, the law says I have to get rid of the studded tires by May 15. sigh.

      What I’d suggest doing is first find out if someone at the shop will release the tires to a person of your choosing. If they don’t have anyone there or they don’t answer you then you’ll have to wait. But maybe you will get lucky on this step. You can also ask them what their plan is, because you can’t be the only person who has tires there. Maybe you can use their plan or you can move to your next step here.

      Next step, look for a handy-person possibly with a truck. People are out of work now. You might be able to find someone outside of your immediate circle who would go get the tires, bring them to your home and put them on for you. This person might be happy to pick up a little cash doing this for you. Ideally, use references* from friends and friends-of-friends to find a reliable handy-person. This idea would work if there is some travel still allowed in your area. We shouldn’t put people at risk for illness or tickets.

      *I learned to ask people whose circumstances are similar to mine for references. I know Sue does not change her tires herself. So it might be a good idea to find out how Sue is handling things.

      Since I have until May 15, I decided I will start worrying about this after April 15. I am in NY (not near the city) so I am a bit south of you. Eh, maybe we will get a fluke storm and be glad the snows are still on the car.

    3. NoLongerYoung*

      I’m in Calif, in the bay area, and here, auto places (some, all?) are actually exempted from the shelter in place, although there are the social distance rules. I was surprised but my auto parts place has skeleton hours, taped off the lines at six foot increments, and posted the list showing they were allowed to be open.

      So check – they may be on limited hours, but you might not be stuck wearing down those winter tires.

    4. Colette*

      I’m in the same situation. (Well, I have my tires but have no intention of changing them myself.) I could probably do it – I think they’re probably open – but … why? And I usually drive there and take the bus home, which I don’t want to do (even if the buses were running regular schedules, which they’re not). So I’m g0ing to leave it for a while.

    5. Gatomon*

      It’s okay! I drove on studdless winter tires for about 5 years in college because I couldn’t afford all seasons/summers to swap to. They didn’t disintegrate even when it was 100+ F out.

      I’ve still got to deal with it this year because I have studded winter tires now and they’ll be illegal at the end of May. I’m just waiting for my mom to get up here so I don’t have to use a Lyft home or wait in the shop for hours. But I think auto shops are exempt from most shut down orders. We’re getting a storm Monday night anyway.

    6. Roja*

      I think I’m misunderstanding since you said you don’t do it yourself but you also don’t feel comfortable having a mechanic swap them–how do they usually get swapped?

      But seriously, I’d call to check because likely they are open. There’s a lot of essential workers who drive to work and who therefore need working cars. Heck, even just needing to drive to get tested or go to the hospital. Cars definitely fall under the essential mandate.

      But it’s frustrating for sure. There’s several life things like that on my end too that I’m in limbo on and have no idea when I’ll be able to get done.

    7. Anono-me*

      I would suggest contacting your mechanic if it is a small shop. There’s a very real possibility that your mechanic will be able to switch out the tires with you in the vehicle and the windows up. You can pay by credit card over the phone or online. Tire change outs do not require the vehicle to be fully raised on the lift. So the risk of you being in the vehicle and it falling a few inches is minimal. Your mechanic is probably worried about C-19 AND bills just like most of us.

      (Credit where credit is due. I only got this idea because I recently got an email from Jiffy Lube saying they were going no contact on oil changes.)

  92. Taking up knitting as a hobby*

    Texted one of my dear friends who has this as a hobby but also posting here as well…

    Any resources for someone new to knitting? Kit available online, channels to follow on Youtube? I also like to learn from books as well.

    I just want something to do to occupy the time, and maybe make a nice hat or scarf.

    1. OyHiOh*

      I learned from tutorials on A New Stitch A Day. I made “a scarf.” In other words, I knit an entire ball of yarn in stockinette (knit all on the right side, purl all on the wrong side), wide enough for toddler to use as a scarf. Then I made another “scarf” in rib stitch, and one with a diagonal rib (that was the first one I needed an actual pattern for), and so on

      And once you feel comfortable going back and forth between knit and purl, you can search for things like “simple knit hat pattern” and take your pick

    2. Lost in the Woods*

      My best recommendation for first time patterns is the Simple Collection by Tin Can Knits; they have sets of linked illustrations for each set of techniques which are really helpful and detailed explanations of why the pattern asks for particular things. I also like Very Pink Knits on youtube for technique video tutorials; she goes slow enough and her camera is set up well. I also highly recommend getting a ravelry account if you find you enjoy knitting; it’s a fantastic pattern database. Links to follow.

      2. Anonyme*

        I’ll second these recommendations and add that for new techniques I often do something small like a coffee cozy, headband, or dishcloth to practice it before starting the actual item.

    3. Dr. Anonymous*

      knittinghelp dot com has a lot of nice tutorials, and Bluprint is offering free access right now. That should be enough to get you started. I don’t have great ideas about kits, though. I think bamboo needles are kind of nice when you’re starting if you worry about the yarn sliding off the needles, but plastic or metal are smoother when you want to speed up.

    4. moql*

      Check out ravelry.com! You can browse patterns with so many filters, like look for an easy hat made with worsted weight wool, sorted by popularity. People are very helpful on the forums if you have questions about anything. Good beginner patterns will have detailed directions and sometimes even links to a YouTube video. If you don’t recognize something in a pattern just put that word into YouTube and you will find a million tutorials. I pretty much taught myself that way. I do recommend paying for patterns. There are tons of good free ones, but I regret not just paying the $5 when I was first starting for high quality well edited patterns. I also feel like supporting the design community is important. If money is a constraint knitty.com is very well curated and free and they pay their designers.

      For your first project I would recommend a scarf so you can get the hang of basic garter stitch. Worsted is a pretty standard yarn weight to start with. When you buy a ball of yarn it will have a little pictograph on the back telling you the weight an recommended needle size.

      Synthetic yarn is sturdier and can be washed easily, but natural fibers do feel nicer and more luxurious. Remember wool will felt if not treated carefully! Superwash wool is given a Nylon finish and splits the difference. It feels great and is also machine washable.

    5. Basic knitter*

      I taught myself to knit a long time ago with the book Knitting for Dummies. I later bought Knitting in Plain English by Maggie Righetti, which is a bit old fashioned but very helpful at explaining things I could not understand elsewhere.
      For a starter kit, Wool and the Gang has some that could be good. I would go for something like the “Snood Operator” or “Tender Loving Clutch” – those are beginner level but the project is not too big. Once you get the hang of it, very basic stitches can get a bit boring if you do them over and over again – starting with a scarf might mean you are very bored before you get to the end. Something like a snood or the clutch will give you the opportunity to practice your stitches but let you finish the project before you get bored and want to move on to something else. The snood might also be good because if you twist it when you are wearing it, that would help to hide any little flaws that might appear in your first project.
      I would also recommend making some practice swatches before you start an actual project – cast on 20-30 stitches, knit a square using a particular stitch pattern and bind it off. It can take a little while to get the hang of it, and it can be frustrating if you start a project and your stitches look a bit wonky or something goes wrong.

  93. Sunflower*

    Does anyone own a cheapish, foldable exercise bike? Amazon has ones with pretty good reviews for about $150. This is probably a short term purchase that I’ll try to sell once quarantine ends so I’m not that concerned about longevity.

    1. Lcsa99*

      We bought one on amazon that we love. Both my husband and I have used it for about a year and it’s worked beautifully and it’s been easy to move out of sight when we have guests over. I did get a padded seat cover, which was necessary but I can share links for both.

    2. =^-^=*

      I bought one from Costco for about $150. It’s super quiet and the seat is comfy. I find that folding bikes get snapped up on sites like kijiji, so you should have no problem reselling after.

    3. Sunflower*

      Thank you! Glad to know folding bikes are good quality. Hoping I can keep it but my tiny NYC apt will have to see how it fits.

  94. Not A Manager*

    Can anyone give me some pointers for my new sewing machine? I haven’t used one since I was about 11 years old. I’m trying to wind the bobbin, I’ve watched some videos online. No matter what I do the tail of the thread (that you’re supposed to hold upright while the bobbin winds) twists around itself until the tail breaks long before the bobbin is full.

    1. Lost in the Woods*

      First thing is to consult your owner’s manual, since all machines are different, but on my Janome you’re only supposed to hold the thread for the first few layers – then the winding is established, you cut the thread, and let the bobbin wind until full.

      1. Lost in the Woods*

        Also, if you no longer have your owner’s manual, you might be able to look it up depending on the age of the machine – many of the manufacturers put up their manuals online as PDFs.

    2. Not A Manager*

      Yes, thank you. It turns out it’s SUPPOSED to break off or be cut off, but the videos I was watching I guess assumed that you knew that.

      1. Reba*

        “assumed that you knew that”

        This has been a recurring feature of learning/teaching myself to sew ;)

        Hope you are enjoying your machine!

    3. Dr. Anonymous*

      Your manual may vary, but it’s okay if the tail breaks. The only purpose of holding it is so the thread actually winds on the bobbin and doesn’t just slide right off as fast as it winds on. Once you’ve got traction, you generally don’t care about the tail.

      1. Dr. Anonymous*

        Oops. I see I was late to the party and you already figured it out. The Self Sewn Wardrobe Facebook group offers a lot of help to beginners. It’s a private group and takes a while to get approved but it’s warm and welcoming.

    4. HBJ*

      That doesn’t matter. The tail can break or you can let go as soon as enough thread has wound around to hold itself in place. If it doesn’t break, you probably want to cut it. A long tail sticking up could get caught in your machine.

  95. Canuck girl*

    Thanks all, appreciate your kind and helpful insights. I think this will drop to the bottom of the to do list for me. Having just been laid off, I have enough to worry about. We fortunately don’t have a law about tires in my city – Not So NewReader – that’s def more complicated for you. Your suggestions are helfpul if circumstances allowed it, but I prob will just check in with the shop, make sure all is good with storage and forget about it until they let us out. And hey, entirely possible that another snofall could come, haha. April can be full of weather surprises.

  96. Canuck girl*

    Darn it…this was meant as a thank you to the commenters who replied to my winter tire post…this is what happens when I reply on my phone..sigh.

  97. I'm A Little Teapot*

    Kitty Jill is sick. Upper respiratory infection. She’s getting meds, so will be fine. But for right now, poor kitty is so stuffy and congested! I’m washing blankets because she’s sneezing all over them. She’s sneezing into her food while trying to eat. It’s just a lot of kitty boogers, everywhere. Arwen of course is thoroughly exposed, I expect she’ll be in the same boat soon. Jill sneezed right in Arwen’s face. They don’t seem to understand the concept of “social distancing”.

  98. Gatomon*

    I vented last week about run-of-the-mill healthcare/insurance woes. Thank you everyone for the suggestions and advice! I thought I would give an update:

    I sent the dental office a copy of my EOB highlighting the ineligible amount they were trying to bill me for and explained they’d receive a check by Friday through billpay only for the allowed amount, nothing more, and to take it up with my insurance if they had concerns. I was too angry to deal with them on the phone any longer. I guess they didn’t want to push it further because they sent back an updated, correct statement with a BS note about how they don’t get the EOBs anymore (not even the same excuse they offered before for trying to balance bill me). So I think that’s over, though I’m 100% convinced now they were trying to scam me.

    I also spoke with the nurse at my departing doctor’s office, who confirmed my upcoming appointment was canceled and that all their other doctors are full so there’s no one who can continue to see me there. They did say they would continue refilling previous prescriptions for 3 – 6 months until I can find another provider. I sent an application to another office in town and haven’t heard back yet – you have to send your info in and they’ll tell you if they can match you with a provider apparently. I’m still very irritated by this, but at least I will continue to get my medication for a few months. I’m really hoping I hear back from this practice soon.

  99. Jaid*

    1) I ordered some hair clippers so I can buzz my hair until I get back to the salon.

    2) I’m reading a manhwa (South Korean version of manga) that’s about 154 chapters long and insanely pretty.

    3) I’m wishing I had Halloween costumes so I could play dress up while sitting around. I’m inspired by that mom who wore her wedding dress to her kid’s tea party and the one lady who said she was rocking a Rock-a-billy look while WFH. Alas, I can only make do with wearing a bunch of necklaces while wearing pajamas.

    1. Jambon-Beurre*

      Need to do something to make my hair presentable as well. Video conference meeting tomorrow. I have no pets to put in the frame to deflect from my hair so guess I will have to pull out the rollers.

  100. Imtheone*

    People have gotten relief from phantom pain by using mirrors. They look in the mirror and see the limb or finger that is fine and their brain thinks they are seeing the one that was injured. Maybe this could be googled.

  101. 'Tis Me*

    Not sure if anybody will see this but a few weeks ago I posted, grumbling about arguing with the husband over whether or not we need a double buggy with a 2 year old and a baby on the way.

    11 days ago now I had said baby by emergency extended C section (he had been head down. He decided to switch things up a bit and try to come out transverse, elbow first. My waters didn’t break so it took a while and he had managed to get really rather low before the midwife burst the bubble and realised she could feel an arm rather than a head… We spent 5 nights/6 days in hospital. I lost 2.1 litres of blood). He’s doing great but it means it’s basically a moot point as I can’t pick up anything heavier than him so wrangling the toddler into a buggy is impossible anyway.

    This does mean I can’t take the kidlets out on my own (Miss 2 adores Miss 5 and often wants to do what she’s doing etc, who is generally really good and sensible but also has her head in the clouds a bit, and also can’t physically stop her little sister from doing anything she shouldn’t be. Having a 5 year old is not the same as another adult on hand!!). And the husband is a medical keyworker so he was recalled (paternity leave cancelled) and had to work Saturday. This week coming he’ll be working Thur-Sat so at least we’ll have him a few days longer…

    But it’s made the pandemic really hit home. He doesn’t have PPE. He has seen corona deaths first-hand. Did I mention he had pneumonia in January? I just want the 5 of us to hole up in a happy oxytocin bonding bubble and the universe has denied my request with severe prejudice :(

    I’m trying to focus on the positives – if he’d waited another 4 days, I wouldn’t have had the husband with me in labour/theatre/as a visitor after, and our baby would have spent most of his first day outside of me in the care of strangers without any familiar voices. Feeding is going well – he’s above birthweight now. The girls are smitten and the 2 year old is adjusting better than feared (being away from me for so long was tough for her although she was with my parents who she adores, and had her big sister with her most of the time, but she’s reasonably happy letting me out of her sight again now).

    I would be lying if I denied spending a few hours sobbing at the husband that I don’t want him to die, I don’t want anybody to die, though…

    2. Jambon-Beurre*

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this at such a time as the birth of your new one. Congratulations by the way. Emotions are high right now for most so certainly understandable for new mom. I have three recommendations: Call your doctor to discuss this. Whatever brought moments of calmness before coronavirus, be intentional about seeking it now (faith, meditation, journaling, resting your eyes in peace and quiet, etc.). Consider isolating yourself and children with your parents, if possible, because hubby coming and going sounds risky. Sending you positive energy as well for strength and solidarity in doing what you need to do to take care of self and then family.

      1. 'Tis Me*

        Usually the health visitor would have popped in today but she’s doing phone check ins instead of face to face visits. She’ll call again in a few days.

        She and the midwives have all confirmed that under the circumstances this is normal (I’m responding to the situation rather than anything).

        There are a few reasons for us to not move in with my parents:

        1) My mum is in a high risk group and has been told to stay at home for 12 weeks away from others. Moving is being strongly discouraged anyway at present.
        2) It’s important for the husband to get bonding time with the baby, and quality time with the girls.
        3) If we weren’t here he would probably work 90+ hour weeks.
        4) I love my parents but they are really good at inadvertently pressing my buttons and triggering me to revert to teenager in the worst way, and I want to set my kids a better example.
        5) While the healthcare system is as stretched as it is, transferring to a different area seems a bit selfish, and also likely to derail a few referrals we have in the works.

        On the plus side, I get plenty of cuddles!

        Thank you :)

  102. Cg1254t*

    March is overall sucky for me — death anniversary alongside this coronavirus stuff — so i’ve been taking care of myself and glad it is over.

    1. Jambon-Beurre*

      I’m glad you’re able to self-care during this time. It isn’t as easy as most people make it seem.

  103. Jambon-Beurre*

    A little late, but as just prescribed Zoloft for general anxiety. I’ve done my own research and discussed with my doctor, but wondering if anyone has any personal experience to share about it’s effect. Thanks!

Comments are closed.