where are you now? (a call for updates)

We clearly need a special mid-year updates extravaganza to distract us from Things.

So: If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now?  (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.)

Note: Your update doesn’t have to be positive or big to be worth submitting. We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting.

And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly.

{ 241 comments… read them below }

    1. Olive*

      No joke, I was JUST thinking about this letter today and searched to see if there was an update!

  1. Jennifer Leach*

    I would love to hear from the letter writer who wrote about Mary, who was framed for fraud by Jane, who was in an abusive relationship, and from the letter writer who wrote about the guy with the bird phobia, who pushed a coworker, who got hit by a car.

    1. Claire*

      Did you see the first update from the bird phobia LW? It’s at askamanager.org/2017/04/update-employee-wont-come-back-unless-her-coworker-is-fired.html. Looks like there’s not likely to be much happening with Liz (who was injured) but I’m curious if there’s anything new with Jack (the birdphobe)!

        1. Unbelievable!*

          Wow, this was infuriating. The employer was all about accommodating Jack’s fear (seeing a bird near him) and not Liz’s fear (having to continue working with Jack who pushed her in front of a moving car, resulting in her being seriously injured)!

          1. Nonsense alert*

            Yes, this post more than any in the history of this site drove me insane. The idea that an employee with a phobia is protected from recrimination for assaulting a coworker is ludicrous. Everyone in this situation failed the assaulted woman.

            1. Candi*

              The part that really got me was that there was no “we feel terrible for Liz” that I could tell. It was all “how can we get her to come back to work -she has important stuff to do!” Their first call to her, as stated by the OP, was all about when she could come back to work, when she was only a couple days out of the hospital and probably dosed up to her max with pain meds!

              (I suspect the OP sprung Jack on Liz in that call, without nearly sufficient warning. Not okay if OP did.)

              Considering by the time of the second update, only a few (3?) weeks later, Liz had gotten a new job, to me she sounds like a rockstar and OP’s company lost a valuable asset through mismanagement of the situation.

    2. Unbelievable!*

      OMG, now I just read the Jane framing Mary for fraud letter and can’t read any more. Why, why, why would any employer be okay with what Jane did — ruining an innocent person’s life in order to make her own life better?

      1. Blue Eagle*

        Alison, this is the update I am most interested in. Can you let us know if you ever reached out to the LW and whether or not they were agreeable to respond. Thanks!

  2. licoricepencil*

    I think these got updates but I couldn’t find them in a site search so I could be wrong!

    Coworker may be lying about a sick kid
    Company asks us to sleep in tents for a conference

  3. KayEss*

    Captain Awkward reminded us of the LW whose coworker was lighting toilet paper on fire in the bathroom, and I desperately want an update on the poop BBQ if we didn’t get one already.

      1. KayEss*

        The LW was trying to give the coworker the benefit of the doubt that maybe he wasn’t just a reckless pyromaniac and was trying to eliminate bathroom odor via the light-a-match method, but noted that his method of lighting toilet paper and flushing it it left the office smelling like a “poop barbecue” with ashes floating down the hallway.

  4. Anonyme*

    I feel like there are far too many letters where people were in dangerous home situations. I always want to know if these people are safe now.

  5. i watch too much television*

    This is totally not what you’re asking for, Alison, but I’d love another post where you respond to work-related scenarios on television! I have only seen this one (https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/work-questions-from-friends-gilmore-girls-jane-austen-and-more.html) where you talk about Friends, Gilmore Girls, and Jane Austen, but I’d love another!

    Any episode of The Office will do the trick, but I am very interested in hearing you respond to Younger. Sutton Foster lies about her age to get a gig as an assistant in the publisher world – she had no choice because ageism, of course. Or did she?

      1. MsChanandlerBong*

        I would LOVE for Alison to do one on “Diversity Day.” Or making your employee go to the convenience store to buy you pudding because you burned your foot on a George Foreman grill.

        1. i watch too much television*

          Or how about “my boss told me to pack a toothbrush and warm clothes for a work retreat, but won’t tell me where we’re going or if it is an overnight trip!” or “I told my boss I am in love with a co-worker and he told everyone!” or “I called in sick and my boss sent the assistant (to the) regional manager to investigate if I was really sick!”

          (Can you tell what season I am on currently?)

          Honestly, Alison can turn on any episode of The Office and go from there!

            1. Candi*

              I think I Watch was referring to episodes of The Office.

              That they sound similar to letters you’ve gotten is rather scary. And probably explains why I hate the show. Bad memories, even if those weren’t offices.

    1. Slow Gin Lizz*

      Oooh, yes, work-related TV scenarios would be GREAT now that so many of us have been watching so much TV lately.

      1. Hmmmm*

        I know there might be a legality issue to this. I often see other advice columnists answer work questions. Where AAM is focused on work related issues, these other columnists are more general. I would love to see how Alison would answer some of these questions.

      2. Zombeyonce*

        Have you seen The Good Place? There are so many “workplace” scenarios in that you could mine that would be hilarious, though you’d have to do the more general ones to not spoil people.

        I’d also love to see you tackle some fairy tale workplace scenarios, like:
        -“Can the Queen legally fire me, the Royal Huntsman, for not carrying out her (probably illegal) orders to murder her beautiful stepdaughter?”
        -“Should I get overtime pay for all the extra hours I put in traveling around the kingdom getting maidens to try on this glass slipper for my boss?”
        -“Am I liable for the shepherd I employ that was eaten by a wolf? We didn’t believe one was really stalking him because he liked to prank us all the time, saying a wolf was hanging around when there wasn’t one.”

        1. Beth*

          YES YES YES

          “My cobbling business has grown tremendously since brownies started sneaking into my workshop and making all the shoes. But I’m worried. We have no formal contract, and they aren’t getting paid. Will I be liable for FICA? What if one of them gets injured on the job?”

      3. i watch too much television*

        I can see how it would be harder to write about a show you haven’t seen because that would be the one scenario where the commenters who watch too much TV will know all the nuances of the situation! Sounds like you’d have some TV watching to do… it’s for work!

    2. AJPS*

      Any office-based scenario in Workin’ Moms would be great for a review (so much cringe) but the double work situation with Kate in season 2 is one I would love to read some commentary.

    3. Vicky Austin*

      You should address the problem in “Friends” when Ross’s manager fires him for being angry that he threw away the turkey sandwich that Monica made.

      1. Potatoes gonna potate*

        I was 100% on team ross for this one, you don’t steal other person’s food lol

        1. SheLooksFamiliar*

          One of the best things about Thanksgiving dinner is the great sandwiches. Ross could rub me the wrong way, but I sympathized. A sandwich like that is almost a holy thing.

          1. Candi*

            I think that the problem was how Ross handled it -very unprofessionally and childishly. The manager was 100% in the wrong to toss without asking.

    4. DecorativeCacti*

      I vote for The Good Place.

      “I’m a manager of a small team who have been working really hard towards a huge reward, but I’ve been lying to them. I can’t actually give them the reward and don’t even know if it exists. How do I come clean?”

      1. Eleanor and Chidi's Love Child*

        Seconded for The Good Place. “I’m a new architect. My friend and mentor Michael told me …”

    5. Potatoes gonna potate*

      I just started watching the office and I’m in season 7 (right before Michael Scott leaves). I posted about it a few weeks ago and quite a few people strongly disliked it and didn’t find it humorous. It’s definitely not a PC show.

      From Friends, my favorite work situation was Rachel bombing her interview because she thought the interviewer was coming on to her and how she bounced back from that. IIRC she ended up getting hte job.

      1. i watch too much television*

        Friends, and especially Rachel’s entire career trajectory, is full of good ones! I’d love to hear the commentary on Rachel’s return from her maternity leave. “My maternity leave replacement is trying to steal my job and I felt pressured to return to work two weeks early. Help!”

        1. EvilQueenRegina*

          Or that time she went to a job interview in a restaurant and her current boss was there as well?

    6. JKP*

      Yes. Please, please, please do one for all the crazy Tiger King work shenanegans. Like one employee who chose to lose his arm so he could get back to work faster. Or feeding staff (and customers) from the meat truck. There’s just so much crazy work stuff, it makes the Office look sane and reasonable.

    7. EnfysNest*

      The Harry Potter books have a ton of questionable work scenarios, too!
      -“My boss, the headmaster of a prestigious private school, keeps rigging the student competition by giving extra points so that his old team wins every year.”
      -“One of my coworkers keeps telling classes that she has had a vision of one of the students dying. Is this in violation of HIPAA?”
      -“My coworker keeps turning into a cat when she wants to end a conversation she doesn’t like. How do I get her to remain in her human form?”
      -“Someone sent me dragon dung in the mail with no return address or other information. I’m not sure if it was just a misdirected specimen sample or perhaps some kind of threat. Should my employer be investigating the source or should I just ignore it?”
      -“One of my fellow teachers is verbally abusive to his students, but my boss says it’s okay because he’s ‘very loyal’ and because he and one of the students’ parents used to fight a lot when they were kids. Can I do anything to intervene?”
      -“The bank I work at uses a dragon to protect some of their vaults, but I don’t feel like the dragon gets enough exercise. How do I bring this up without ending up as the person assigned to take the dragon on its extra walks (I’m afraid of being eaten)?”

      1. TardyTardis*

        ‘One of my employees is claiming discrimination due to a pre-existing medical condition, and says I can’t fire him just because he tried to eat three children and a staff member’.
        ‘The parents of one of my students is threatening to sue since their child ended up with brain damage due to a prank. How can I make them understand that it’s their fault for belonging to the wrong political party?’
        ‘How do I convince the authorities that an escaped criminal should, you know, *have a trial*?’
        ‘Why is OSHA trying to shut down our lab? The teacher there claims his erratic behavior is caused by long-term poisoning and lack of PPE.’
        ‘Our custodial staff is asking about the status of the pension fund. How do we explain there isn’t one?’
        ‘How do I motivate our Astronomy teacher to show up at morning conferences?’
        ‘Our HR department has been turned into a basilisk. How can we use this to renegotiate our leave policy?’

        1. SusanIvanova*

          Manager: “You may need to work through the weekend on this.”
          Me: “What’s a weekend?”

      1. Little yellow spider*

        This is what all this has done to me. When I saw this post my first thought was, “wait, are we coming up on December again already?”

        1. B.*

          A week or two ago, who we’ve knows anymore, I actually tried to date something December. We decided I either wanted to go back to when things were normal or skip ahead. Probably the latter. Today I tried to date something January.

            1. B.*

              Earlier this week I thought briefly that it might be Friday then thought wait, I think it’s Monday. It was Tuesday.
              And I’m still working more or less my normal schedule in the normal place. It’s just been that weird.

              1. SusanIvanova*

                I’m glad we’re past Easter and out of Lent, because I kept going “well, I’ll just have the leftover chicken/pepperoni pizza/etc for dinner – oh no, is it Friday?”

                1. B.*

                  Latest update: I was notarizing stuff today and almost wrote the county as the month on one. I didn’t think I was on that line or anything, it just seemed like a reasonable answer to ‘what month is it’ in that moment.

      2. JediSquirrel*

        There are so many things that I’m wondering if they are still a thing that I am wondering if any thing is really a thing or is not a thing because it’s just a thing that I imagined when I ran out of other things to think about.

    1. musician*

      Yes! I always enjoyed her updates on Fridays, and have been wondering what happened ever since they stopped. Hopefully she is doing well in her new job.

    2. Vendelle*

      Yes, me too! But I don’t think they wrote to Alison. They were posting in some of the Friday threads if I’m not mistaken…

    3. Jeanne*

      I’d like to hear the whole story!!! Or maybe a precis of it. I came to AAM too late I think to get the beginning, and often found it difficult to find updates on Fridays. I think the saga definitely merits a complete outline.

      1. mlem*

        Until someone else can write that up, it may help you to know that Seeking Second Childhood compiled an index of links to the original comment threads. Search-in-page for the word “insomnia” on the open thread from July 12-13, 2019.

          1. Cathie from Canada*

            Call up the page with the comments.
            Then go to “find in page” (in Chrome this command is under the little “triple dot” menu at the top right of the browser, but it is likely somewhere else in a different browser. Anyway, the “find in page” command will be somewhere in the top bar so just keep looking)
            When the “find” box opens, just type the word insomnia and a list of locations will pop up and just hit the down arrow until you get to the entry you are looking for.
            Hope this helps.

            1. mlk*

              Browsers (and a lot of other software packages) will accept a ctrl-f command which opens a find window.

      1. We want to know!!*

        Yes, agreed. I find the open thread so overwhelming to try and search for things in. Used to work in a Hellmouth – could you do a summary of your escape please?

      1. Happy Lurker*

        I try to look her up on the open threads, but I don’t check regularly. I haven’t seen anything since she started her new job. I hope she is good and would love an update!

    4. ECHM*

      Me too! I asked about it on a couple Friday open threads shortly but never seemed to get a response.

    5. Candi*

      I saw a few comments from her renamed “I WORKED in a Hellmouth”, including one that was a response to a comment asking about the name change.


      “Hey, are you out of that job?”

      “Yes! I’m working someplace sane!”

  6. YellowSubmarineHome*

    As always I want to hear from the person that quit their job in order to go to their graduation. I KNOW it was their boss that wrote in, but I can hope they are still in touch!

    1. Quake Johnson*

      Yes I was coming to say this too!

      But I imagine he won’t write in again after the thorough lashing he got.

      1. Julia*

        I found that to be a particularly satisfying update. Not just because of what transpired, but because the LW seemed like such a reasonable, experienced, competent manager. You can always tell when someone writes in who has already mastered the tenets of what Alison teaches. I aspire to it!

  7. Judy in Disguise*

    “My boss is a jerk — but only to me” – did it ever work out? Was there a hidden reason behind the treatment, or was this just one of those bully situations where a scapegoat was needed?

  8. Firsttimecommentor*

    I want another update on the poor woman who was basically being punished for having a masectomy. I really want to hear from her in the hope that things have gotten better!

      1. Loubelou*

        The OP got a lot of reccomendations to get legal assistance and bring her union into it. I would love to know whether she went that route, and also generally how she is doing after escaping such an awful place.

      2. Candi*

        There was a general response to both letters of “This would be illegal in the US -what the everlovin’ blank are those UK employers thinking!?!?!?!?”

        Which on AAM seques quickly into “hey, check out your legal options, here’s some links” and other helpful advice. :)

  9. Nicki Name*

    I’d like to know how things went with Archie and Edith from this past Tuesday, and how Archie managed to keep breaking his monitors.

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      So much want to know how these two keep breaking stuff. And how they have managed to survive with jobs while constantly breaking stuff.

      1. Erika*

        Yes! I’ve spent a borderline unhealthy amount of time wondering how Archie broke multiple monitors.

        1. Schnapps*

          There’s an old gif of a guy totally going off on a monitor/computer in his cube. I keep seeing that.

  10. Libretta*

    Was there an update from the LW who had an employee who was a hypochondriac? How are they dealing with Covid?

  11. Hyacinth Bucket (Pronounced Bouquet!)*

    I’d love to hear from the LW whose coworkers didn’t believe she had breast cancer so she showed them her mastectomy scars. I hope she’s doing okay!

    Also, the LW whose employee expected everyone to attend her destination wedding. https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/employee-expects-us-all-to-attend-her-destination-wedding-avoiding-handshakes-during-coronavirus-and-more.html

  12. Snarkypants*

    Here!!! after an employee died, her team has driven off anyone we hire to replace her. please do an update on this one!!!

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      I look every year at update season for that one. It’s the advice that got me hooked on this column in the first place.

    2. Candi*

      What got me about that is the company NEEDED that position filled -it was essential to their operations.

      I prefer to keep teams together -but my first instinct was they needed to be broken up and reassigned separately if at all possible. Second instinct was to replace them -they’re causing harm to the company.

      Alison and the commentators gave excellent advice on that one.

    1. Akcipitrokulo*

      it’s here…. askamanager(dot)org/2019/12/update-my-employer-fined-me-90-for-being-late(dot)html

  13. Pink Basil*

    ‘My family wants to live near each other’ — it’s only been since February but I’d love to know if the comments and advice started any conversations between all the family members.

  14. Pink Basil*

    Also, the boss who tapes people’s mouths shut. That one was both sad and infuriating.

      1. Candi*

        There was. “update: my boss tapes people’s mouths shut during meetings”.

        As usual with these things, the tape was a symptom of much bigger problems, many more problems, and an overall incredibly toxic workplace, with a boss who was deliberately targeting inexperienced young grads who didn’t know healthy workplace norms, culture, or legal rights. You do not need to get permission to quit!

  15. Kwebbel*

    Still looking for an update from the sex romp letter writer. You know, the one where a VP submitted expenses for a business trip where he had very obviously brought his girlfriend along for a weeklong sex romp? https://www.askamanager.org/2019/05/my-coworker-wants-the-company-to-pay-for-a-trip-with-his-fired-girlfriend.html

    Also, I know I’m unlikely to get it, but that old story about the person whose family heirloom (a little train) went missing from her desk, only to show up at a relative of the boss’s house sometime later: https://www.askamanager.org/2016/08/my-manager-stole-a-family-heirloom-from-me-and-gave-it-as-a-gift-to-someone-else.html

    1. Where’s the Orchestra?*

      As a former hotel employee – yeah, I so want to hear how things went down with that expense report (especially after all the times I had to deal with people calling and yelling at me over cleaning/smoking fees that got added to their bills – hearing that someone was believed just once was so nice – yes management normally backed us up too).

    2. KayEss*

      YES omg I just reread the entire comments thread on the sex romp and I definitely NEED to know what happened.

  16. WorkerBee (Germany)*

    No specific wishes. Just a big thank you to Alison for the best news given this week!

  17. hmmmm*

    from a few years ago… i’d love a where are you now from the lady who hadn’t received a promised raise or promotion in 3 years. i know she sent in an update, but i always wondered if friends from her former employer told her how the company was doing.

      1. tanklizard*

        It would be great if HR gave them a response like this:
        “You’ve been with XYZ company for many years now but we feel like we’re holding back your career so we’re going to give you the opportunity to be the keeper of VP zippers at another company.”

    1. Candi*

      (goes and reads)

      Crap on a crutch, I missed that. And yes, I definitely add to wanting an update!

      It always boggles me when people are stupid enough to put salacious gossip IN WRITING.

  18. Donna*

    1. what happened with this company, did they come to their senses, were they called out?!?! https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/my-company-plans-to-absorb-any-stimulus-checks-that-employees-receive-for-themselves.html
    2. was jane actually lying or was the caller a fraud?!!?!
    3. The LW whose parking pass was stolen by HR. How did that turn out, did they get their pass back?
    4. The one where the guy was trying to give a coworker underwear as a Christmas gift
    5. The one where the friend/coworker(?) had a affair with the dad, moved in with the LW to have the affair, and was trying to work with the LW again
    6. the one where people had to camp instead of getting hotel
    7. The one where the lw left a coworker to go to a conference and the manager was upset. Would love an update/more background on that one.


  19. Abogado Avocado*

    Actually, Alison, I think you could write a soap opera with these inquiries — maybe, “As the Working World Turns”?

  20. Aphrodite*

    Thank you for this, Alison! I stay away from news as it is overwhelming even here. But this is a great idea.

  21. Aphrodite*

    She didn’t write in to you, Alison, but she posted almost every Friday for a year. I WORK AT A HELLMOUTH, are you still around? Did you get that state. job? How are you doing?

  22. Not Always Right*

    I’m still worried about the guy who was contemplating suicide because he couldn’t get a job that fit his degree. I’ve prayed for him daily.

    1. RB*

      Oops, I don’t know what happened. This was a response to the person who asked about the letter where the boss makes people tape their mouths shut during meetings.

  23. RB*

    Ah, the better days, when cheap-ass rolls was a real problem, at least in one person’s mind. I’d like to know if they’re still working there. Have there been any more potlucks? Are they still snubbing their coworkers because of perceived slights, and how is that working out overall?

    1. Heidi*

      I feel like Hawaiian rolls was a once in a lifetime gift. I’d love an update, but even if we never got one, I’d think about it every once in a while and enjoy it for the gem it was.

  24. Sled dog mama*

    The ducks, not the one with people quacking at each other, the one with the OP who cared for ducks as part of her job. I know we got one update but I’d love a further along update. II RC the ducks were connected with either a nonprofit or a farm/restaurant and I’d love to hear how they are weathering the storm.

    1. Amanda*

      Well, both duck updates would be great. But if I had to choose, I’d rather an update on the quacking people! =)

    2. QuinleyThorne*

      I really want another Duck Club update, that’s easily my favorite askamanager letter. I HAVE to know how that…”situation” evolved over the years

  25. Mary Richards*

    Two I’ve wondered about:

    1. The one who didn’t get a job because she bullied a girl in high school, then went off on that girl after a night of drinking and was, as of the last update, trying to get her life back together.

    2. Note on a grave person. Did they ever find a job?

    I know both provided updates, but it’s been long enough that I hope both are doing well.

      1. DeeplyCurious*

        I was curious about the young woman who was struggling with a crush on her boss and really not grasping that work shouldn’t be her dating pool. Did she take the commenters’ advice and seek out other social outlets?

  26. Anon update*

    I wonder about the person who called themselves “snoozing loser” after being fired for dozing off after working through the night, and it looked like the company was also angling to blame them for theft, and their family wouldn’t help them hire a lawyer.

    That one stuck with me and I hope they’re okay!

    1. froodle*

      Oh man that one haunts me! Snoozing,if you’re out there, I hope you’re doing okay! You are NOT a lower and didn’t deserve your shitty boss going off on you like that

  27. Combinatorialist*

    The “you may also like” has me wondering what is happening with the ducks with COVID?

  28. Quake Johnson*

    Every day I hope to get an update from Leap Day boss, telling us he’s seen the error of his ways, apologized profusely to the employee and given her X number of extra paid days off to make up for the birthdays she missed.

    Or that she quit and told him where to shove it. Either works.

    1. Jake*

      That is the all time craziest double down I’ve ever seen.

      I love everything about this letter, except for the fact this employee is getting screwed, of course.

      We have
      – a hilariously unselfaware manager
      – an assumption that if only we, the audience in this spectacle, clearly understood this insanity, it wouldn’t be insane
      -a complete disregard for the fact that illegal and bad managing are not synonyms
      – a kindergarten, cookie cutter way of thinking from a manager that doesn’t realize the letter of the policy is not relevant to whether or not this is fair

      It reads like a robot with an unreasonably simple algorithm was secretly planted as a manager.

      I hope the worker has moved on, or took this day off and quit on 3/1.

      1. Candi*

        I’ll say it again, legal is the lowest bar for a business to meet. Law is 1) reactive and 2) USUALLY about not doing crappy things that negatively affect people. (Being told they have to legally do something is also about not treating people lousy.)

  29. Amanda*

    Is there an update from the guy who abandoned his live-in partner, and she then became his boss?

    1. Quake Johnson*

      I think there was, if I recall he was still kinda shifting blame and thought the comments he was getting were uncalled for. And he resigned I think.

  30. Notthemomma*

    I would love to know what’s happing with Hellmouth. I know it’s not the normal update, but gosh, I hope she’s doing well.0

    1. MMD*

      Me too but we won’t. Leap Day Boss was the hardest head on this forum. Stuck in their ridiculous trite dogma.

  31. PB*

    I’d like an update to “We got quizzed on our boss’s horses.” That one made me so angry at the letter writer’s management! I’d also be curious to hear any updates to the letter writer whose coworkers made orgasm noises while she was on the phone. I’d really like to hear any updates to the friend who uses her sister’s assault as a motivational story.

  32. Another Sarah*

    I wouldn’t mind an update on the person who heard their new manager was a nightmare, because someone who used to work with her quit on the spot rather than work for her again (published in 2018)

    Also, these ones were very recent, but I would like updates on:

    The person whose employees were told correcting older employees was ageism

    The person whose coworker was dating a sex offender when there was a daycare in their office building

    Thanks for everything you do Alison

  33. pants down update*

    Did we ever get an update on the person whose coworker was taking nude photos in the office and posting them to X-rated Facebook groups? Sometimes I remember it out of the blue and start laughing to myself like a weirdo.

  34. Carpe Librarium*

    Letters from 2020:
    – My needy boss wants me to “adopt” her
    – How do I tell my boss if she doesn’t fill the empty position I’m covering, she’ll lose me too?
    – I found out my coworkers have been mocking me in a group chat for years
    – Our boss told us to camp in tents when we travel for business
    – My employee has a bad attitude
    – my coworker has overstepped with my eating disorder

    – I think I’m about to become a receptionist against my will
    – My contentious ex is now my coworker

    – I exposed myself at work because my coworkers didn’t believe I had cancer

  35. Chocolate Teapot*

    Was there ever an update from a newish employee who worked an entire weekend (including overnight) to help meet a deadline, who then slept through Monday and lost a day’s holiday as a result?

  36. AnonymousArts*

    Since it was a Leap Year, I wish the original employee would write and tell us if she got to celebrate her birthday AND left that awful company (the manager was the OP).

  37. EnfysNest*

    I often wonder about the woman on a work trip who reported her manager and coworker to the hotel’s front desk for smoking pot in their hotel room and asked her to smoke with them, and the hotel ended up calling the police. (The headline was that the reporting employee “got her colleagues arrested”, even though they were the ones breaking the law and the hotel staff were the ones who called the police.) I wonder if she got the transfer she was requesting to not have to continue working with those coworkers after the situation blew up or if she ended up quitting.


    1. Candi*

      The OP was the supervisor of the woman who reported, and did not tell the whole story in the initial letter. Specifically, the records of the two men in question.

      I checked out every comment on that letter, and buried way, way down under much of the drug debate, that OP posted a comment with more information.

      The two workers put out excellent product; one of them was a rainmaker. They also had a history of sexual harassment, especially the rainmaker. As long as they continued to make rain, the company was happy to sweep the harassment under the rug.

      So these two men, with these records, invited a young female coworker to their hotel room, and whatever happened there made her take off and head right back home, per the original letter.

      Conclusion: The woman was focusing on the illegal-in-the-area drug issue because any harassment, or worse, that occurred in that room, would probably be ignored by the company. The question becomes: 1) what happened in the hotel room, 2) did the worker tell OP-supervisor or not, 3) if she did tell OP, why did OP leave that account out of both letter and comment? It would have drastically changed the advice given, just as knowing the two workers had histories of sexual harassment would have changed Alison’s initial advice.

      1. EnfysNest*

        Huh, I went back and looked and I did find the one comment from “Letter Writer” that Sally didn’t get the transfer and was disciplined for missing the rest of the conference and “insubordination”. The LW’s comment said additional people quit along with Sally in support of her and that Sally was in the process of a lawsuit against the company. But I’m not finding any other comments from the Letter Writer that mention those employees having a history of harassment or anything about their productivity. Do you have a link to the comment with that part, because I can’t find it…

  38. revueller*

    not to bring back a hornet’s nest of a comment thread, but this was a really interesting discussion to read in light of the current plague: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/02/my-employee-knowingly-brought-norovirus-into-the-office-and-got-a-bunch-of-people-sick.html

    For context: OP’s employee brought her child to work when the child was banned from daycare for having norovirus. The child interacted with multiple meeting rooms, bathrooms, and the company’s potluck that day. It brought down nearly the entire office’s staff, caused a coworker’s immunocompromised family member to be hospitalized, and led to a public health investigation.

    I doubt OP will ever update given the overwhelming response in the comment section (there’s no way that any update there will satisfy everyone), but it was a fascinating read. The question that came up over and over again was: should someone who introduced a disease to a population be punished, and if so, should it be because of malice or negligence?

    Norovirus is obviously very different from COVID-19 in terms of symptoms, lethality, media attention, public awareness, and sheer scale. But a year from now, if (when) someone brings COVID-19 or another “common” illness to a workplace (knowingly or not), I wonder what the reaction would be. Will this pandemic will have changed people’s minds about sick leave and the seriousness of something as common as a stomach bug?

    1. Candi*

      Updates about that and a couple others would probably have to have comments here locked from the start and the FB AAM page monitored closely, the original discussions got so heated.

  39. Wendy*

    The anime voice-over librarian who had to keep changing jobs because of a stalker/obsessed fan.

  40. KayDeeAye*

    I want to know – and will always want to know – what happened to the coworker who suddenly started faking a British accent: https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/my-coworker-has-started-faking-a-british-accent.html

    I expect this will always be a mystery – why did she start? did she keep it up? did the OP ever ask her about it? – but I would truly love to know. If it turns out that it was caused by a medical condition of some sort (which can apparently happen, though it’s extremely rare), I will feel bad about enjoying this story so much, but I really, really, really hope it’s just another example of the crazy cavalcade that is life.

  41. Jo*

    I would like an update on the guy who kept commenting on a coworker’s prosthesis and kept referring to her as disabled when talking to her or about her. Also the OP whose colleagues complained about the look of her post mastectomy chest, hopefully the update is to say that those jerks have been well and truly shut down….

  42. Cookienay*

    Did we ever get an update about the team that ran off anyone who replaced their dead colleague?

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